#its so strange because i dont know where i fit anymore

[brainless-but-thats-all]

scheduled a youtube video for tomorrow >:) it covers the basics of how my story is set up and some characters as a treat

[unmask-strange-aeons]

@strange-aeons is the @the-muppet-joker

As we all know the muppet joker is a joke, he is unreal. But who is he really? Who is the REAL identety behind the Muppet joker. I am proud to announce that I found out who HE is. His real name was Strange aeons all along. Think about it. The Muppet Joker makes constance references to Father Stranges videos. Like famous tumblr posts. His fanfiction feels like Onisions books that Strange read and made Videos about. He has a furry companion his kermit just like Father Strange has Thursday and Gurl-Girl. He was into Reality Shifting about the same time Father Strange made a video about it. The muppet Joker talkes like Mod Shadow from Sonic for real justice, which she has a video about, he also strangly is like edward in midnight sun, during his march crush, which Father Strange also read. Also the muppet joker hates horses because of the lesbian horse stories that Father Strange made a video about. He also has an unsettling methots to reach his ambition like Patrice Wilsons from ARK MUSIC FACTORY.

THE BROTHERHOOD AND SISTERHOOD

Is the snapewives, followering one devine leader, which is the muppet joker to them. The Brotherhood also has aspects of the cult of Thanfiction, the glorifying of the leader, the leader has unchecked authority. The commitment from the brotherhood also remembers me to the Rabies Pride situation.

Religion.

He stated to be a devoted catholic. Fahter Strange went to a catholic School. He also now has a rebranding going on to become a femenist, and it gives, girl defined and classically abby, which again Father Strange has Videos.

He uses Tumblr like Father Strange.

Now you might wonder how she would do all this. Well i can tell you how. She has made many videos about internet drama such as The Muppet Joker, see Mrs Scribe, Thanfiction, Sonic for real Justice, HIVliving, the My Immortal drama, they where fakers and liers just like the Muppet Joker. She also would know how to opperate a Soft puppet army through studding there strategies. BUT i dont belive that the muppet Jokers Follower all are soft puppet accounts more so I belive them to be Patreons from Father Strange. Who needs a soft puppet army when you have an army that PAYS you to be in your own army.

Now surely you wonder, why? Why would Father Strange do this? There are many explornations.

There is no more internet drama for her to make good videos about so she just makes her own.

This wasnt her idea at all but the Patreons to have some fun.

Father Strange is doing all of this to create to ultimate Tumblr fake story, something so big it escapes the realm of tumblr. And it did from Youtube too Tiktok to X, intergram, tumblr and Reddit its everywhere. She has created to ultimate Tumblr Fake story.

i know that this is not perfect evidence. BUT the once that fit like a glove are as the young people today say "SUS". And it cannot be left alone. If YOU find anymore similarites to Father Strange and the Muppet Joker Please inform me. Together i am sure we can reveal the turth.

What they didnt know was that his name was Strange aeons all along.

[yonpote]

I feel like people are conflating continuing the joke with invading their privacy… like no one is stalking them or sneaking pictures or bothering their friends and family asking about them we’re just continuing their joke that they set up within our fandom space. Which is exactly as we should be doing imo

yeah exactly. like i think when outsiders dont understand that we are in on the bit that makes some sense, but when it's PHANNIES especially phannies who joined post coming out???? it seems strange.

oh i didnt really explain why this kinda behavior is homophobic as well. (disclaimer: me calling an action homophobic is not the same as me calling an individual homophobic.) a lot of ppl use pj and sophie as a direct comparison straight couple example. pj has only directly called sophie his girlfriend once, and it was in the context reading someone's poorly written article about him lmao. otherwise, its known that they met in uni, have lived together since then, have worked on nearly every kickthepj project together, and generally their on screen energy is really sweet and funny. they also have a cat together and call themselves a family. it's not a stretch to say they're together in the slightest. in fact, it is just natural to assume so.

BUT when dnp who are now publicly out, have been very open about how much they mean to each other, have lived together since dan was in uni, have worked on nearly every project together (even in solo projects the other would help out behind the scenes), have a clear on camera chemistry together, had co-parented a fish, a pigeon, and several houseplants and possibly plan to get a dog or other pet in the future... suddenly it's wrong to assume anything.

i understand the fear that may come from having been in the phandom since when they were closeted and it was much harder to talk about it without seeming like youre aligned with stalkers or ppl who harassed their families or dnp themselves to reveal more information, but thats not the case anymore, and ESPECIALLY if you discovered them post-gay, it's such a flimsy argument to say anyone is breaching privacy in that way.

now there are still some like unspoken basic decency and boundary rules. you probably shouldnt be @'ing them in your smutfics or even your pretty innocent theories about them being super duper in gay love. dnp themselves understand that if they aren't being @ tagged in something, it's probably not meant for them to see, and even acknowledged that in the twitter memes video. but us talking about it in our own spaces, especially on tumblr where they arent on as much but also on twitter BECAUSE THEY KNOW THAT THEYRE NOT MEANT TO SEE IT, is not the same as being like hey @/danielhowell @/amazingphil do you fuck nasty i gotta know if you fuck nasty. (but even if i were to do that, i feel like its very clearly a joke lmao)

so like just dont worry about it, if you still personally dont like seeing ppl talk abt this stuff regardless, you can mute and block people, you can blacklist tags, you can curate your own experience to fit your needs and you dont need to harass other people into suiting your needs.

[psalmsofpsychosis]

"#Alfred basically catches a lamb and goes

#''you're a beautiful wolf; i know you are; now you're gonna bite my hand until you draw blood so we both believe it;

#because that's the way we know how to be men.''

#and then 10 years down the line he looks at Bruce and he whispers in horror; ''that's a wolf''

#GIRL YES HE IS; YOU MADE HIM ONE. IT WAS YOU"

Your tags are so- Idk I don't have the words. No wait I DO-

THIS IS FREAKING BEAUTIFUL OMG

The way Bruce wasn't born with sharp teeth and claws to defend himself against the world. The place he was born into removed any need to grow them, but at the same time the place he was born into was the catalyst for him to turn into stone. Hard, unyielding to pressure and with its own jagged edges that you can hit until your knuckels bleed.

But the thing about stone is that you can chip away at it until it looks like what you want.

So Bruce was a lamb at the beginning, possessing talc for a heart, easy to rub to dust, but after the murders, he was molded into something different. He grew teeth and claws so big and strong it became difficult to be gentle, his heart was rubbed to dust and reformed and compressed and rubbed to dust and reformed and compressed until it turned into a diamond.

Alfred taught him how to be a wolf but didn't account on what would happen once Bruce's claws were bigger than his own.

CAN YOU TALK MORE ABOUT BRUCE AND ALFRED'S DYNAMIC PLEASE? You're literally rearranging my brain chemistry as I'm typing, wow. This feels so freaking strange. Thank you so so SO much

I wish you an AMAZING day

GOOD MAD MONDAY NOON TO YOU ANON YOU'RE KILLING ME. Like i'm over here lying face flat on the ground, head fucking full 99 thoughts per second this ride is going straight to hell—

You actually made them sound a lot like the Pygmalion myth, which is so right and true and also a very delicately apt interpretation of the way Bruce and Alfred's dynamic unfolds, particularly in Bruce's childhood, and particularly as portrayed in the Gotham series (which is my all time favourite Bruce&Alfred dynamic anyway, so excuse me for being annoying and immediately nosedive down that rabbithole)

See, to me the thing is, i dont think Bruce and Alfred understand each other at all. They're cut from very different clothes, and Alfred doesn't understand what Bruce /is/, but he understands what Bruce /can become/, maybe even what he's supposed to become, Bruce is the fifth element to him. Combine that lack of understanding and all the love and affection Alfred holds for Bruce and of course he makes a project of perfection out of him; Alfred molds and makes Bruce. Batman as a persona and as a purpose precisely exists *because of the way Alfred raises Bruce*, this is something that Gotham TV puts extra emphasis on. In many ways Alfred does carve Bruce into an idea of perfection, *his* idea of perfection, and Bruce lets him too. This is where stuff get a bit complicated though; Alfred is someone who struggles with his own humanity and darker side. He's so loving and loyal, but he's also bitter and mean with a vicious bite and he handles Bruce with such cold hands sometimes, and he hates every second of it, he hates his own humanity. So he pushes Bruce to get rid of his too, and they have this constant push and pull because Bruce has those exact traits. they're similar not in what they own about themselves, but in their shadows, when the sun shines on them their flawed humanity has the exact same shape and they both don't want a shadow; eventually the way they resolve this is by standing back to back and protecting each other and now they share their shadows and it's not so scary anymore. The Pygmalion myth as a parallel interpretation of their narrative fits so darn well because you are right, Bruce is made into stone and Alfred sculpts him to something beautiful and almost horrifying, almost inhuman, he sometimes forgets that Bruce is a person and not an idea, and it shows. But Bruce breaks mold, he always does, he forces Alfred to live with his own humanity and Bruce's, and this brings up a lot of grief for Alfred, but he loves Bruce so he finds a way to live with it and he does.

The Lamb/wolf metaphor is a different face to this same transformation process; in the early years Alfred has little space for Bruce's terrifying softness, but neither does Bruce. Bruce is scared of his own vulnurability and tenderness, this lamb *wants* to become something else, something less weak and helpless, something that could've saved his parents. He doesn't want to become a wolf persay, but the thing is, he has the makings. This is the reason Alfred can bring it out of him; he very much has the makings of a wolf. to juxtapose it with the pygmalion allegory; you cannot carve out of the stone what is not already in it. (this does bring up the question wether Bruce was ever a lamb at all, but that's a different topic for another day✨️)

anyway yep, i love your mind Anon, and thank you for the question! Hope you have an absolutely wonderful day too ❤️❤️

[regretevatorforrealrep]

[Verse]

Step on the lift thought I'd explore

Never guessed what was on each floor

Started off simple but then it changed

Feeling trapped in a ride so strange

[Verse 2]

Onward to Gnarpy's alien spree

Invasion at camp floors three

Xe snuck on board rude and mean

This ride turned into a crazy scene

[Chorus]This is the regretevator song

I regret getting on this elevator

Let me out none of these are my floor

Why'd I want to explore

[Verse 3]

Next stop a subway underground

Partynoob with a groovy sound

Fun and kind love to party

But this ride's still risky

[Bridge]

Partynoob makes it less grim

But danger lurks floor-to-floor whim

One good won't fix this tour

Wishing I chose a safer door

[Chorus]

This is the regretevator song

I regret getting on this elevator

Let me out none of these are my floor

Why'd I want to explore

[Verse 4]

Doors open, Arch made of brick right in front of us!

The grass flat, We arrived on the flatgrass floor!

This feels less like an elevator

More like I'm traveling universe to universe!

[Verse 5]

A ten feet tall concrete man smiling with a blue scarf? At this point call this elevator a game!

But he's polite with a bit of a wet cement addiction

"Gray stuff" they call it and i think he needs help

[bridge]

But this elevator's infinite it goes everywhere

so on the 3008 floor we gotta find lampert!

[Chorus]

This is the regretevator song

I regret getting on this elevator

Let me out none of these are my floor

Why'd I want to explore

This is the regretevator song

I regret getting on this elevator

Let me out none of these are my floor

Why'd i want to explore

[Verse 6]

Some floors kill the passengers, Toxic gasses, fire and so much more. I've lost some friends and npcs to some of these floors..

And this ride won't ever end!

This ride switches from boring to crazy

From Mannequin Mark arguing with Wallter to Wallter fusing with a hole in the wall

At this point i might as well leave the ride

But some of these passengers seem pretty cool!

[Chorus]

This is the regretevator songI regret getting on this elevator

Let me out none of these are my floor

Why'd i want to EVEN EXPLORE?!

I should've never rode on and got interested

Because now I'm subject to this elevator

Its fun, its dangerous, its sad and its crazy

I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE ANYMORE!

I REGRET THIS!

okay if zomeone knows where tf thiz comez from pleaze tell me bc i looked up "regretevator fansong" and i legit couldnt find it

At firzt I thought it waz a Benji zong or a parody of it, but nothing on hiz channel zhowed thiz zong and thiz doeznt fit hiz lyricz at all (dont azk how i know that)

Then I thought it waz thiz zong bc i didnt know Mike Geno made muzic for Regretevator, but nope

Guyz help where tf iz thiz from. Iz my YouTube fucking up bc i legit couldnt find a regretevator fanzong with lyricz

-Mod Mozelle

[ellieisbored3537]

Phoebe bridgers/boygenius Rant

Also, these are my thoughts and opinions

Guys I'm going CRAZY about boygenius and phoebe bridgers like they are

THE WAY THE LYRICS AND INSTRUMENTALS I LOVE IT SO MUCH

Voyager:

You took it from me,

but I would've given it to you

Moon Song:

If I could give you the moon

I would give you the moon

Tell me why both of these are so like awesome like Phoebe, thank you for coming up with this I love you so much please never stop making music.

DONT GET ME STARTED ON THE INSTRUMENTALS THROGHOUT HALLOWEEN THE VOCALS LIKE FLOWING WITH IT ITS JUST PERFECTION. WHENEVER I LISTEN TO HALLOWEEN THE INSTRUMENTALS HOOK ME AND THE VOCALS JUST MAKE ME STAY.

Then I Know The End BRO THE LYRICS GET ME EVERY TIME I ALWAYS RELATE THEM TO THINGS AND OH MY GOD. ALSO, THE BOYS (Lucy and Julien) HAVING VOCAL PARTS IN IT MAKES IT SO MUCH BETTER. AND I LOVE HOW IT GRADUALLY GETS MORE LIKE IDK LIKE IT'S NOT THE SAME THROUGHOUT LIKE THE BEAT OR WHATEVER IT JUST BUILDS UP. THEN THE SCREAMING AT THE END RIGHT AFTER THE LAST LYRIC OH MY GOD. NOW TO THE LYRICS! This gonna be long cuz I love all the lyrics and AHHH. (Also i know this isnt the meaning of them its just my perception) Perfection. "Somewhere in Germany but I can't place it. Man, I hate this part of texas" I love how she put an inside joke of her own and it fits PERFECTLY. These lyrics feel like feeling lost but knowing where you are and disliking the place you are. "Close my eyes, fantasize Three clicks and I'm home" Wanting to go home like no matter the place just closing your eyes trying to clear your head and feel like at home. "When I get back I'll lay around The I'll get back up and lay back down" Procrastinating and feeling overwhelmed so you go to do something but relax instead bringing you more anxiety and the beat building is like anxiety overwhelming you and feeling like the end is near. "Romanticize a quiet life There's no place like my room" REAL ME FR. Being in your room all day thinking of the future too much and dwelling on the past instead of focusing on the present. "But you had to go. I know, I know, I know" Someone leaving you behind because they had to and desperately trying to tell yourself it's not your fault. "Like a wave that crashed and melted on the shore. Not even the burnouts are out here anymore" Everyone just disappearing but you. Feeling like the worst and alone because no ones there anymore. "And you had to go. I know, I know, I know" repeating this line to emphasize that you've been left behind and trying to understand why. "And when I call you com home A bird in your teeth" Roles reversed you are no longer the one desperate for the other not to leave and now you feel like you have to leave. Hence "So I gotta go. I know, I know, I know" feeling like you have to leave since you were left before. "But I'm not gonna go down in my home town in a tornado. I'm gonna chase it. I know, I know, I know" Not wanting to be taken down with people from your youth, needing to stop it and having to go. "Driving out into the sun let the ultra violet cover me up" Finally feeling free letting the sun bring you comfort. "Went looking for a creation myth, ended up with a pair of cracked lips" got hurt trying to find something. "Windows down, scream along To some American first rap, country song" Feeling free and able to do what you want and ignoring the events around you as the end is near. "Over the coast, everyone's convinced It's a government drone or an alien spaceship" Something crazy is going on leading to the end. Following others thoughts. "Either way we're not alone. Find a new place to be from" Running away from the storm, driving away (similar to life is strange when Chloe and Max drive away from the destroyed town and they are finding a new place to be from) "A haunted house with a picket fence to float around and ghost my friends" Hence ghosting her friends because "I'm not afraid to dissapear" She wants to get away but "The billboard said the end is near I turned around, there was nothing there" Going insane seeing things because the end is coming "Yeah, I guess the end is near" Agreeing with the billboard and further emphasizes it by repeating "The End is Near" 4x followed by screaming. Throughout the song it builds up to tell almost a story about how the end is near. These aren't what the lyrics mean but I like making new perceptions. ALSO IM SORRY IF YOU ACTUALLY READ THAT ALL I JUST REALLY LOVE THE LYRICS OF THAT SONG AND I LOVE HAVING A YAP SESSION ABOUT MUSIC YIPPEE!!!

Graceland too, the instrumentals are okay at the beginning, later on they get way more awesome, BUT THE LYRICS OH MY GOD. "She knows she lived through it to get to this moment" YES YES A THOUSAND TIMES YES. "Turns up the music so thoughts don't intrude" REAL CUZ ME TOO. AND JULIEN AND LUCY SINGING IN HARMONY OR WHATEVER IS EVERYTHING "Whatever you want me to do I will do" GETS ME BECAUSE THE BOYS SINGING IT. THEN JULIEN AND LUCY SINGING "Whatever you want" While Phoebe sings "Whatever she wants" THANK YOU OH MY GOD.

I'm too tired to have a pissing contest 😔

Anywho that's enough punisher for now (and voyager i guess). Now stranger in the alps >:3

Motion sickness. Its more upbeat then punisher W lyrics though "I hate you for what you did but I miss you like a little kid" REAL "There are no words in the English language to drown you out" me to my brain. "And you, you were in a band when I was bored" Oh! Phoebe run plz 🙏

FUNERAL YES W SONG YIPPEEE!!! "When I think to much about it, I can't breathe" real "And I have this dream where I'm screaming underwater while my friends are waving from the shore" Honestly real "And I don't need you to tell me what that means I don't believe in that stuff anymore" also real "And last night i blacked out in my car and I woke up in my childhood bed" I think about waking up in my childhood bed all the time. No worries anymore. "And it's 4am again and I'm doing nothing again" That's how I feel in the middle of the night every night.

Scott Street I really like the guitar :) "Do you feel ashamed When you hear my name?" Sobbing. Then it repeats again then I'm sobbing again. I like the ooh-ooh, ooh I love it it adds to the instrumentals "Anyway, don't be a stranger" I want to tell all my friends this when I graduate. I want to tell them to give me a call whenever. Im fine if we fade apart but if I see you at the store or something come talk to me or something idk. Then it repeats then the last time it says "Don't be a stranger"

Erm I don't like stranger of the alps as much as punisher so I think that's all 😭

SUMMERS END OH MY FUCKING GOD I LOVE YOU. Bro the intro has me crying. It's so everything I love it. "You never know how far from home you're feeling until you watch the shadows cross the ceiling" Remembering your childhood and missing the past is so sad and I do find myself staring at the ceiling. "Come on home Come on home. You don't have to be alone Just come on home" I love this song so much it's so nostalgic Talking through different holidays/seasons Then the line repeats again "Come on home Come on home. You don't have to be alone Just come on home" its so friendly and welcoming the way she sings it. I wanna go visit Colorado again that sounds fun. "Summers end came faster than we wanted" That is so true summer always flies by I have less than a week and a half left and it's flown by, though I'm excited for band camp. "Come on home Come on home. You don't have to be alone Just come on home No, you dont have to be alone Come on home" It seems so welcoming, like my grandma inviting us over for something like cookies. She's gone now but this song gives me so much nostalgia I love it so much.

The gold!!!! "Couldn't really love you anymore, you've become my ceiling" Can't love them because they are stopping them from growing "I don't think I love you anymore that gold mine change you" Someone was changed by and event and is effecting persons life. Erm that's all I really like the beginning

Last but certainly not least WAITING ROOM YIPPEEEEEE I LOVE IT. "If you were a teacher I would fail your class take it over and over till you notice me. If you were a waiting room I would never see a doctor I would sit there with my first aide kit and bleed" Honestly real "Plus I know whatever happens to me I know It's for the better." OH MY GOD YES "who am I to ask for more more more" REAL erm "I know it's for the better" x36 I think. ALSO KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER DOES NOT EQUAL NO, ITS FOR THE BETTER. Know it's for the better is like you should no it's for the better. No, it's for the better is like I don't care what you say. It's for the better.

BOYGENIUS TIME

Cool about it I love you so much. I love how each of the boys have their very own happy parts cuz this song makes me so happy (I'm lying). Silly instrumentals in the beginning (I'm already doomed when it starts, in tears dead) Julien sings "I ask you easy questions about work and school" 😭😭😭 "IM TRYING TO BE COOL ABOUT IT FEELING LIKE AN ABSOLUTE FOOL ABOUT IT WISHING YOU WERE KIND ENOUGH TO BE CRUEL ABOUT IT KNOWING THAT IT PROBABLY ISNT TRUE" I love you marry me. Lucy's turn maybe it will be a little happier :) "I came prepared for absolution if you'd only ask So I take some offense when you say no regrets. I remember it's impossible to pass your test" Oh! Definitely not happier and uh oh here it comes "BUT IM TRYING TO FORGET ABOUT IT FEELING LIKE IM BREAKING A SWEAT ABOUT IT WISHING YOU WOULD KINDLU GET OUT OF MY HEAD ABOUT IT TELLING MYSELF ONE DAY ILL FORGET ABOUT IT KNOWIN THAT IT PROBABLY ISNT TRUE" Oh! So you want me to start crying? Oh so maybe phoebe's verse will be happy 😊 "Once, I took your medication to know what it's like and now I have to act like I can't read your mind I ask you how youre doing and I let you lie" Oh! So you want me to listen to this song on repeat till the day I die? Okay! "BUT WE DONT HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT I CAN WALK YOU HOME AND PRACYICE METHOD ACTING ILL PRETEND BEING WITH YOU DOESNT FEEL LIKE DROWNING TELLIN YOU ITS NICE TO SEE HOW GOOD YOURE DOING EVEN THOUGH WE KNOW IT ISNT TRUE" I love this song and it will always be one of my favorites. It's so awesome and I need it.

Without you without them THE HARMONY IS EVERYTHING TO ME I LOVE IT The part on "Speak to me" And "Talk to me" WHERE THEY GO FROM LOWEST TO HIGHEST OH MY GOD THANK YOU

20$ "its a bad idea and I'm all about it" real me fr "When you wake up I'll be gone again" Oh! "To the T-bird graveyard where we play with fire" Chat is this song about... Arson???? "IN ANOTHER LIFE WE WETE ARSONIST" OH HELL YEAH. Then the repeating background alternating between lyrics and the twenty dollars being shouted thank you I love how some of the lyrics are like hard to hear or maybe I'm just deaf.

Emily I'm sorry. I love how they sing emily I'm sorry and I love how Julien and Lucy harmonize with Phoebe at the beginning. That's all.

True blue don't listen to it to often but it's cool. Like the tiktok trend that says "You say you're a winter bitch but summers in your blood" I hate that they don't add the line "you can't help but become the sun" the audio cuts off but it would add so much. "And it feels good to be known so well" real. Yippee

Not strong enough. Upbeatnbut I like the lyrics "I don't know why I am the way I am not strong enough to be your man" real then it repeats and instead of saying "I tried I can't" they switch to "I lied, I am just lowering your expectations" yes slay I love you guys for that. OH MY GOD DONT GET ME STARTED ON "Always an angel never a god" I love it so much. I love how Lucy starts and phoebe and Julien build in kinda like in Without you without them but more fluid. And the last 4 "always an angel never a god" building up gets to me

SATANIST YES THANK YOU my favorite part is the beginning because BER NER BER NER BER NER BER NER "WILL YOU BE A SATANIST WITH ME" BER NER BER NER BER NER BER NER. W GUITAR OH MY GOD. THEN "WILL YOU BE AN ANARCHIST WITH ME SLEEP IN CARS AND KILL THE BOURGEOISIE" Eat the rich. Yipppeee

WE'RE IN LOVE OH MY GOD!!!! Crying already I love it Lucy I love your vocals. "You could absolutely break my heart, that's how I know that we're in love" how am I crying at the first lyrics thank you soon much. "I feel crazy in ways I never say Will you still love me if it turns out I'm insane? I know what you'll say, but it helps to hear you say it anyway" Oh my god I'm crying THE WAY SHE SINGS THE WHOLE SONG THE WAY THE LYRICS HIT HARD. "Some october in the future, I'll run out of trash TV and I'll be feeling lonely so I'll walk to karaoke sing the song you wrote about about me never once checking the words I hope that no one sings along I hope that I'm not a regular" crying October though why october don't bring we fell in love in october into this and don't you dare bring october passed me by into this "Damn that makes me sad, it doesn't have to be like that" crying IT IS SAD IT MAKES ME SAD TOO "If you rewrite your life may I still play part? In the next one will you find me?" Crying "And if you do I'll know it's you I can't imagine you without the same smile in your eyes. There is something about you that I will always recognize" WHAT IM CRYING "And if you don't remember I will try to remind you of the hummingbirds You know the ones (I know the ones)" and this is my favorite line in the song the recognition of phoebe I think? Singing I know the ones saying she remembers them. "I could go on and on and on and I will. Go on and on and on until it all comes back" Thanks Lucy for making me cry I love you so much.

LETTER TO AN OLD POET YES I LOVE YOU "I said I think that your special you told me once that I'm selfish" WHAT YOU ARE A SHIT PERSON IF SOMEONE CALLS YOU SPECIAL AND YOU DONT CALL THEM SELFISH BECAUSE "You're not special your evil" your so lucky I don't know who an old poet >:( "You think that you're a good person because you won't punch me in the stomach" "but im better than you and you should know that by now" YEAH YOU SHOULD "I wanna be happy I'm ready to walk into my room without looking for you" "I'll go to the top of our building and remember my dog when I see the full moon" I love the instrumentals and vocals

Now to The Ep Boygenius

Bite the hand "I can't love you how you want me to" real so real thanks for repeating it I love repeating lyrics. "You want what I can't give yo you" real THAN IT REPEATS "I can't love you how you want me too" 3 MORE TIMES. THAN QUESTIONS "Who do you think you are? Who do you think I am? What do you wanna say? What do you think will change" then "Maybe I'm afraid of you" is repeated twice then "Bite the hand that feeds me" And "I can't love you how you can't me to" repeat over and over and I love it >:)

Now the rest because I don't listen to Boygenius Ep that often

VOYAGER MORE VOYAGER YIPPEE. I've listened to it over 4k times this year :) I love the humming and harmonizing of it in the background. It was originally supposed to be a Punisher song but it was released with boygenuis and I'm happy about that because there would be less harmonization in the background. "It's a hundred and 3 in the Valley, Blacktop melting on our shoes" the first time I heard this I immediately correlated it with my childhood best friend and I always corelate the 1st verse to her because I liked her, I don't know how I just liked her more than a best friend and I miss her sometimes though it's been over 5 years but whatever. "And I don't mean to make it all about me" I make things all about me but I don't mean to. "But I used to believe no one could love you like I do" "and I'm starting to think that it might be impossible" Loving someone so strongly but not knowing what type of love it is. "There are days spent tangled up together, and sometimes you let me read your mind" Pouring your thoughts and feelings out to "And there are nights you say you don't remember" Forgetting or avoiding saying things to not change things "When you stepped on the gas and you asked if I'm ready to die" "You thought I'd never leave and I let you believe you were right" Wanting to live where you can stay somewhere forever and lying that you can because you really want to but can't "Walking alone in the city" Moving to a new town and feeling alone "Makes me feel like a man on the moon every small step I took was so easy" small step for man big step for mankind or whatever. Feeling like great for doing the little steps to make yourself better "YOU TOOK IT FROM ME, BUT I WOULDVE GIVEN IT TO YOU" Crying sobbing throwing up

Afraid of heights!!! "I know that I fucked up when I told you I'm afraid of heights it made you wanna test my courage" Having someone who pushes and pushes you to do things you don't want to "You called me a coward I replied I don't wanna live forever but I don't wanna die tonight" Not wanting to risk your life because it's not a infinite thing. "I've seen you climb a crane at night If they ever catch you at it I know you'd want me to be proud you took a rich man's dream and brought it with you on your way down" Someone who does extreme things whole you stand off to the side. "Cause one man's dreams another man's death I remember when you told me that didn't know what to say so I just laughed but now I know it's not funny" Kinda like the saying one man's trash is another one's treasure idk. "I wanna live a vibrant life but I wanna die a boring death" REAL like something quick and peaceful. "You called me a crybaby but you're the one who got teary" real "How it hurts to hope oh it hurts to hope for more" Hoping hurts I should stop "Oh it hurts to hope the future will be better than before" bro please get better thanks

Guys I'm finally done yapping if you read this far you get cookie cuz I wrote a lot of my random thoughts 😭😭😭😭

Also sorry if you read this all im just yapping here

[transsexual-terabyte]

🖊 + PLEAAASDE LET ME LNOW ABOUT XAVIER 🫶🫶 ANS MAYBE ALSO THE OLD MAN WHO TAKES HIM IN

YAYYYY HII HIIIIII soooo xavier twirls hair um

so. xavier my buddy xavier......... even b4 he was banished 2 earth he was always really fascinated by the concept of humanity (though all he really knew about them was that they existed, they were mortal, and they were strictly prohibited from learning about) (rule in place because angels are considered holy to humans and so learning about something that considers you divine is considered 'dangerous') (but higher up and more powerful angels can contact and even pass through into earth via mirror shards in certain special cases) (xavier absolutely does not fit into this catergory) and in the end the drive to learn more about humanity is what drove him to seek out the mirror shards and be banished for it (initially he managed to steal four shards but he only managed to successfully conceal and hold on to one of them after being caught and falling) .

and because only a specific few higher up and holy angels were ever allowed to go near the mirror shards at all, no one had any idea that lesser angels could use shards to open communications between dimensions, which is how shard comes into the picture (shard managed to pull off stealing mirror shards years in the past but never got caught) (they're afraid of humans so they dont really know why they did it) (shard is not their actual name but it's what xavier calls them), coz suddenly the mirror shards they stole are displaying an image unprompted and its of xavier being banished and subsequently falling to earth and well he's not in great shape (angels arent able to feel pain, but they have to abide to the life rules of wherever they inhabit. mortality, pain, illness, etc, are all rules of earth that angels do not typically experience)

and anyway shard wakes him up and he freaks out for a bit because um. he just got banished from his fucking home !??? to an entirely different dimension ??? with no way of getting back ??!? but shard's reading the news of what just happened to xavier and it brings up that he was always too interested in humanity so they have a !!!! moment and bring up the fact that... well. you like humans right ? you always wanted to learn about them ? i know this is... horrible, but.. maybe you can learn about humans there ? since earth is. where theyre from. and well xavier doesnt really have anything else going for him so he grounds himself to the idea of. well if im trapped here i can learn all about humans and since i have a connection back home... maybe we can spread news about humanity ??? teach people ??? and shard absolutely does not want to do that but agrees that since they have a connection and its the Only One like this, xavier can teach them all about humans. (even if theyre slightly very terrified). and so tjats how they get started.

um but the whole there only being one exit and no entrance back home really Does mean theres One Exit so all angels fall in relatively the same area (which happens to be a graveyard) so one of the locals to the area takes it upon himself to help any freshly fallen angels back on their feet again and accustomed to the new environment. and while xaviers standing there trying to come to terms w everything they notice him and approach him and offer to help heal up that broken arm of his and grab him a warm meal and a place to sleep. and xavier agrees, so he comes to live with this old man and his dog for a while, learn all about humans firsthand, make a friend, learn how to live here. (shard is not a fan of this. theyre mildly terrified about the entire prospect but well. its xavier's banishment, it's his choice if he wants to live with some strange human and his dog). . jts technically dangerous for humans to have prolonged exposure to angels for a number of reasons but the old man has been doing this for decades now, and angels arent unheard of on earth anymore, so there are lots of things to keep them both safe.

most importantly in regards to the old man though is that he loves fishing and takes xavier along with him and xavier quickly developed a love for fish. hes fascinated by them. loves watching them swim. loves studying them. and eventually when xavier decides ro explore further and further out into the world, he gives him a fishing rod and some bait so that he can go out and do what he loves (and hes always welcome back to the house if he ever wants to)

ummmm...m thinking thinking but i thuink thats a lot alreadg. scrolling up. oops.

[phoenixfangs]

okay so the hate on photorealism in video games is kinda goofy to me ngl. like, its fine to have a preference for stylized visuals (i definitely do!), but a game is not Better for it just on the face of it

and like, as a webbed site of creatives, are NONE of u interested in the mechanics of developing a photorealistic experience?? like the process of looking at something in real life and recreating it through art as closely to real life as possible isnt fascinating?? motion capture is sick as hell, especially because its not 2011 anymore and we dont have quantic dream/heavy rain as like the Peak of what mocap is capable of. supermassive i think does a good job with their realism. until dawn has some goofiness with how big the expressions needed to be for the mocap to work, and there are parts where u can Tell it was animated manually, poorly (joshs mental break in the mines... there are parts that are kinda oof), but otherwise overall it still looks pretty damn good to me! and brenda song in the quarry is like, there are moments where i feel like i am actually looking at the real life brenda song (particularly when shes in the car at the junkyard and screaming for dylan to get the damn werewolf off the car, that moment in specific looks Incredible to me)

and thats just people. developing accurate to real life physics/visuals for objects and like grass and water and stuff, does it not enchant yall to know that somebody, a team, whatever, had to meticulously plan that and build it? and even if its not absolutely indistinguishable from real life, isnt it cool how good it Does look? i feel like people say shit like 'its a video game i know what im looking at isnt real, why do they even try' and its like Fucking Duh, we all know that, the devs know that, but they do it because its COOL. and also sometimes maybe it fits the tone of the story or the play experience Better than stylization, idk

im not trying to say that stylization is less work than photorealism, but i also dont think the opposite is true, either. i dont think photorealism is less work than stylization. it ALL depends on manpower from artists that are passionate about their craft.

and again, as a webbed site of artists, i find it strange to bash photorealism and say its worse than stylization at all. like would any of u say half the shit u say about photorealistic games to a painter that works with photorealism? i dont think u would, because u understand that a painter is still responsible. a human artist created that. to me its the same with photorealistic games, people still have to design and model and code and animate all dat shit, and it has just as much opportunity to be impressive and impactful as a stylized game does

[funshinebf]

idk im just yapping. i always start these posts about one topic but then end up doing deep dives into my psyche via stream of consciousness accidentally

its been. very strange discovering im aromantic, as a person whose always had a huge interest in romance. like. ive always adored the stereotypical love stories, ive always dreamed about dating and having a partner and getting married. and realizing that it just.. isnt something im built for, has honestly been. kind of heartbreaking? its the kind of grieving you have to do when you realize your future isnt going to look the way your childhood self dreamed it would. i wont ever have the type of relationship i always thought i would. that i always thought i was supposed to. and its been really difficult for me. ive also felt like since i dont look like the usual idea of an aro person, being someone with no interest in romance ever, that its made it harder for people to like. Believe me, i guess. meanwhile my closest friend of 10+ years, whose seen how i am with literally all of my relationships, literally said "yeah that makes sense for you" with zero hesitation 😭 its one of those things where like. i think ive been subconsciously just trying so hard to do what i thought i was "supposed to do" and convincing myself that it was what i wanted too. but i was so good at ignoring the truth of my feelings that i ended up shaping too much of my expectations for my life around a world where i really was what i thought i should be. but ive finally been able to see past the mental block and understand that i wont fit the mold i was trying to fill. and its such a weird mixture of feeling relieved at not having to try so hard to be something else anymore, but also feeling so crushed that i cant just be 'normal' in the way ive always tried to be.

and honestly i wonder if this is like. another autism thing i do, because i do this with so so many things. where im just constantly trying so hard to be what i think is 'normal' even when its actively horrible for me. and its always so upsetting for me when i have to accept that i wont ever be 'normal' no matter how much i try. and that i need to stop trying so hard because its hurting me and im still failing at it anyway. i dont know if that even is autism or something else but it just sucks i guess. i feel like i have to do this over and over again with different parts of myself, just constantly realizing that ive been pretending the whole time to my own detriment. and then having to learn how to accept myself when im not pretending, and how to stop pretending all the time. its like every time i peel away one layer of my mask, theres another one underneath that i have to start chipping away at too. its so tiring sometimes. but there isnt anything else i can do at this point. i just have to keep chipping away at each layer and hope that maybe one day ill find the real me at the center. and maybe when i get there ill be able to be myself, happily.

[pwblogarchive]

November 2004

November 2, 2004

“Complaining Couldnt Touch This Kid.”

i would feel bad ever telling anyone what to do. i have thought for months what i would say or how i should act- ive thought and thought. i don’t like kerry or bush (i like kerry alot more than bush though). i am going to vote for john kerry. i won’t beg you or tell you to do anything. but if you are of voting age and are in a swing state. please think hard and make the choice that fits you best.

peter

November 3, 2004

your princess is in another castle

happyhalloween

November 3, 2004

5:47 pm

booyah

November 4, 2004

“brothers and sisters.”

the smell of fall. leaves. the weakerthans show- "the sidewalks watching me think about you". both ewok movies back to back. peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. the things they write about me versus how it really goes. the book being in my hands- how we all feel in our skin. sometimes when you're caught you just gotta throw your hands up and confess. the way you smile when you say his name like you never do with me. new songs.

peterpumpkineater

November 7, 2004

“things that mean other things always don't mean a damn thing in the scheme of things”

being home is always a rollercoaster for me. things are good, then ok, then pretty bad, then good, then bad again (not always in that order). im getting by more latley on a pair of really thick glasses and no faith in human beings. as of now i have a pro-tools situation and have been recording things, mostly just making up stuff on the go and seeing how it turns out. so far its fun. ive had a lot of my mind as of latley, just how there's so much good that turns straight to bad and im always like this the night before i leave. certain things are constant struggles for me but i keep fighting them and i dont know why sometimes when i end up feeling wrecked, but i guess my brain is trying to tell me that the few struggles i take on are worth fighting. i dunno anymore. i hope so though, because no one should feel unhappy like i do at a time like this. im not unhappy with my life, just unhappy with an aspect of it. otherwise things are pretty ok. i took my dog ben on a walk today and he was running around a lot. i picked him up a few times though he is getting far too large for that and will so be too heavy. i saw some of my friends today, not everyone that i wanted to or everyone as long as i would like to. but the people i spent my time with were more than worthy of it. the one thing that bugs me about going away for long periods of time is when i get home i feel like everything has changed around me to a degree where i cant keep up. like im a step behind every time i get home. eh, late night thoughts.

November 11, 2004

“drop it like its hot”

The day spent dreading flying. I am scared to fly for some reason. Make it to las vegas. Our flight to l.a. Was cancelled. Drove from vegas to l.a. Began working on the songs. Me and patrick are sharing an apartment here, so are joe and andy. Its like old times. The weather is amazing. There are so many good shows here. Went to over it. Gonna try and see morrissey in a couple of days. Hung out with my friend kate from the fight. She's rad. We went up on muholand drive and saw the entire city. It made me feel like I couldn't breathe. She says the word "vitamins" funny cause she's british. She also say the word "safe" a lot and calls sneakers trainers. Their record comes out next week. I command you to buy it. I miss home but this record is going to be worth it. I promise. Its going to make you think about things in a new way.

Sorry for the boring journal entry. I realize I didn't get the closure I wanted from take this to your grave. This record will have the most brutally honest words I have ever written.

That's all. Lets get hitched and grow old.

Peterpan

November 14, 2004

“I've got a dark alley and a bad idea that says you should shut your fucking mouth”

We've got about 23 songs right now. Were gonna cut it down and figure them out. Its strange staying in one place for so long. If you're watching tv tommorrow- we snuck some tickets for the american music awards- I'm sure well be like a million rows back but well try to start a fight or spill a drink on someone famous on camera so you can get a laugh. I'm sure they'll never let us stop by again...

Peterpumpkineater

November 15, 2004

“finally an entry that doesnt involve joe's general tso's chicken”

the AMAs were less than interesting as i am sure anyone who watched knows. ana nicole smith was fucking faded as hell. it was like watching a blondehaired trainwreck. walked onto the red carpet by accident but we are so unfamous that we didn't even get in trouble. got to eat good food and people watch at stupid parties. hung out with my buddy chad and some kids. watched kanye west with like thirty other people- kanye west is amazing. im getting pretty sleepy. maybe ill think of something better in the morning.

im

just

out

of

chances

p

November 15, 2004

we only do it for the attention.

I'm just a broken emo record.

Time to retreat to other areas.

You know where to find. Or maybe you don't.

me and patrick are gonna go cry and hold hands.

Wink. Smile.

Peter

November 17, 2004

4:16 pm

“after the party theres the hotel lobby”

yeahyeahyeah. we're becoming so l.a. psyche! anyway. i dont have much to say except the weather is radical here. after our chicago metro show on dec 29- we're gonna have an after party and prescreen the release the bats dvd- maybe youll hear about it and stop by. youll laugh. youll cry.

laterskater

November 24, 2004

“its too bad you only look so goddamned beautiful when you're crying your eyes out”

i am going to do a better update soon. but just to say- the recording is coming along. andy is almost done with drums. his hair is so flowing. like a pony. nyc was amazing as usual. we have some suprises coming up. (if you don't like suprises than you also probably don't like saturdays, palm trees, puppies, ice cream, first kisses, etc). fuse was fun. thanks for coming out and hanging out, i felt pretty dorky and was a glad there were some people there. im sorry i had to leave right from there to my plane, so i am sorry i couldn't stick around and hang out. we'll be there all day on dec. 26th to make up for it. also, it was definitely weird being anywhere with out the rest of the band so don't expect too much of that. we are attatched at the hip.

you can get "the boy with the thorn in his side" at select hottopic's starting this week. if yours doesn't have it, ask them to order it for you.

more later. peter

oh yeah to the girl who gave me the signed morrissey picture and jetted before i could thank, THANK YOU.

November 26, 2004

their eyes are like pills. its funny. the blue ones take to you down. the brown ones pick you up. it doesn't even make a whole lot of sense looking back on it now. there are a couple of sets of eyes that are like bookmarks in life. they are there to mark the chapters. highlights so you pay attention to the changes. dogeared pages. the way she looked at me the first time- all the blood ran out of me. with the biggest eyes. that trusted and believed and dreamed and hoped and lived. so i blinked. i faked like i couldnt tell. i was always so goddamned scared to see my own flaws reflected on them. and i cant count the times i crushed them. and you realize that they will never look up at you the same.

i cant blame you for giving up on me.

join the club.

i have a lifetime membership.

- petey

November 28, 2004

“professor murder”

ok so my new shoes are kind of bad looking. but i like them. both are dunks. one are lowtops and pretty much are bears colors, the others are high tops and are white and blue. i own way more than 5 bad pairs of shoes. i own about 11 that only i enjoy and are not here to impress anyone. they know i love them and i let them know that at least once a day. maybe ill take a group picture of them for you if i get around to it. what i really wanted to say is im sorry i got into xbox so late, but i just wanted everyone to know that just because i started play knights of the old republic 4 days ago doesn't mean i haven't almost beaten it yet. because im just that close. and i made sure to buy the new lord of the rings rpg for such cases where i will need a new video game. but when kotor2 comes out, i will be learning so many force powers you'll wish the force was with you too. but its not. its mostly with me. my dog gets to have some too cause he can jump really high and can still be picked up even though he is teetering on 70 pounds at only 5 months. good job ben! you're growing up! he's probably more a dark jedi because he still nips a little and thinks it's real cool to pee when he gets excited. sorry ben, not cool my friend. just funny. anyhoo, its been a while since ive given a list of what i currently enjoy. here is such a list:

music:

owen-i do perceive

aloha-here comes everyone

pig destroyer-terrifyer

brian wilson-smile

interpol-antics

isis-panopticon

tusk-tree of no return

frank zappa-broadway the hard way

video games:

star wars knights of the old republic-xbox

lord of the rings the third age-ps2

star wars jedi academy II-xbox

grand theft auto san andreas-ps2

dvds:

aqua teen season 3

home movies season 1

arrested development season 1

star wars 2: clone wars

tv:

tom goes to the mayor

internet:

yahoo mail

food:

chicken in most any form

[seekinginnerwisdom]

I am an older female INFP and I first took the test as a teen and have consistently gotten the same results, regardless of website or version of test. And I was always kinda secretly proud to be one because my mom was struggling with my teen sister's bipolar/hormone powered rage and my dad, I think, was one of us too. He was a reserved, weird, sweet, unfocused mess who avoided conflict unless drafted (little war humor, get it from my dad). So I became my mom's confidant which made me feel helpful and special at the time but i now know probably wasnt "healthy".

Fast forward to now and I've earned a number of invisible "survivor of *insert trauma*" medals for myself. And just recently earned myself a small one for "surviving break up with first boyfriend after divorce" Its doesnt have a catchy title and I dont know how I they fit all the words on such a small surface but I'm proud of my small accomplishment. 13 years married, 6 years single, 2.5 years with him...alone again.

Shouldn't I be devastated longer than a week? He did it really poorly, too. Asked for a break a week before which took me by surprise, then 4 days later he told me he loved me and didnt want to break up but still needed time to figure things out, a few days later and its I want to be your friend but nothing more.

It was a back and forth conversation and he's telling me he's not attracted to me anymore and quickly adds "it's not because of the weight" (to clarify I have been struggling with my stomach and have lost 40 lbs which sounds great, unless you weren't overweight before and now I look like a skeleton). When he said that I couldn't help but laugh in that hurt way, where its brevity and pain mixed with a scoff (just me?) And not expecting a reply I rolled my eyes away from him and ask "so it's just me as a person" and there wasnt much hesitation before I hear a soft but steady "yes" behind me. As you can imagine, I didnt respond well to having my entire existence be rejected so i did something he had never seen me do. I yelled at him and kicked him out of my car. Then I tried to go back to work. Yup, he broke up with me in the middle of the work day. I'm sorry this is so long and I even skipped parts.

I left early and took a pill or two more than recommended and just ran away from consciousness as fast as modern medicine could get me there. (I dont post much so I dont know if I need to worry about responses but I took low doses of anti anxiety meds that wouldnt harm me unless i consume the whole bottle. I took 1 mg more than normal. Dont attack me). I got him to be more specific in his choice of break up methods the next week after texting to let him know I wrote a 7 page goodbye letter and how he has come out of this looking like a psychopath.

Is it an INFP thing? When someone hurts me or angers me and I'm trying to speak it's a lot of ums or long pauses. But hand me a pen or a keyboard and fill me will righteous rage...you cant stop me. If I know anything at all about you then you will receive a paragraph like you are reading right now filled with oddly observational criticism, I will hit upon at least one thing your sensitive about and end it all with a guilt trip so strong only the Catholically trained can weather it well.

I think he was afraid of the letter because he had been receiving the texts but not replying. He responded pretty quickly after that. After days of contradicting actions, trains of thought that burst into flames as it derailed and red string theory memes he finally told me that his decision to take a break, reassure me and then dump me in such an abrupt manner on a workday, twice btw, was because he really hadn't thought about it...

Now this is going to sound strange but I am so glad my exhusband had been abusive because it taught me control. Otherwise I would have hit him. Who does that?! Im 99% sure he wasnt lying because he's a blunt INTJ and he explained his incomprehensible thought process earlier and I've had previous experience with his type of obliviousness. He really didnt mean to hurt me, he doesnt have any social circle to speak of so when planned this whole thing his feedback was a crowd of 1.

But I saved the best for last. He appears to genuinely like me and really doesnt want to lose me. He wants to be friends...and my dumb ass said yes. With a caveat that the second he starts dating I'm out. I dont do lover to friends. I'm possessive and wont share. So as long as he stays single I'll be his friend. I know I'm dumb. I know I'm just going to be hurt by another display of thoughtlessness from him. But except for the week of hell I've been truly happy with him until I got sick. He's a jerk. I deserve better. But did you know, that INFP can be shallow too. I didnt until i met him. He is so pretty (in my eyes, he is definitely not to everyone's taste) and 7 years younger and he picked me 2.5 years ago. I am not pretty. Hard marriage, lifetime of depression, rather read another chapter than apply a layer of makeup, etc. but he eavesdrop me talking to my work friend and liked what he heard and asked me out.

God I'm dumb. Wow. I'm so sorry. It just happened today and I needed to let it out and when it started I tried another forum to get perspective from similar wired people as my boyfriend so I could do whatever was best for him and some responses were productive and informative if a tad blunt. One or two tried with all their might to be kind and I love them for that. The rest can burn in hell. I know I'm what people consider an "unhealthy" version of my type but I've just been considering myself a survival INFP. I think we all get broken a lot thanks to our inner compass. And when we build ourselves back up again our structure gains or loses new aspects. My corners are sharper, and someone broke my glasses so things arent clear all the time and when my belief in human goodness broke off I wasnt able to find all the pieces but it's still there. I'm still here. And now I will shut up. Sorry again. Still gonna post it though! :p

[sillyxaly]

You know what. Im gonna give you all my working theory from book 1-4 that was thrown over in book 5 (im trying hard to rework it as I near the end of book 5)

Mainly I have 2 with one having way more basis than the other while somehow simultaniously being way more far fetched. I dont know how it works either dont ask me ill try to make it make sense.

The basic is the Fake Gouchen is actually Mo Ran.

Now this was more of a crack idea at the start because I found it quiet suspicious that the guy could apparently control the same forbidden techniques Mo Ran could in his former life. Then the whole deal with Bugui at the auction happened where Mo Ran couldn't call his weapon as it seemed to be tied to someone else and my brain said 'who else could it be but Mo Ran himself??'

Obviously its not our current Mo Ran and I kept the thought process up mostly out of fun and for my own entertainment even though I had no idea how there would be two Mo Rans right now.

Although the person attacking Mo Ran around rhe auction time seemed to know his former lifes feelings very well, specifically those towards Shi Mei and harbor them as important, which even considering they too are reborn means they had to at least be close to Mo Ran in the last life, they were a Water Element user which threw me off a little but it could have been a white chess piece too.

(At this point I will mention my other working theory was Fake Gouchen = Shi Mei but that is solely a gut feeling and considering I read TGCF last before starting 2HA i just developed sone trust issues I think. Would check out with the water element tho)

While the willow vine used at peach blossom springs isnt Jiangui and could have been aqcuired even if the Fake Gouchen isnt Mo Ran it has been used with his color of spiritual light. To be fair, my weakest argument as im sure colors could double and Mo Ran propably isnt the only one with red spiritual light.

What really set this theory into motion was my ever helpful man Chu Xun who so nicely informed Mo Ran and therefore me about the fact that a human soul can split. This happens when the person has commited so grave evils that the human soul is torn apart which I think would be fairly reasonable to happen to Mo Ran.

This was the moment the two Mo Rans were a thing of possibility! And its too strangely fitting information for me here to just ignore even if its not fitting anymore now. This means something even if it doesnt have to do with Mo Ran, its trying to forshadow me something I know it!

On a side note I will also mention that upon first reading about the Tangerine thief in Book 1 the guy gave me major Taxian-Jun vibes, which I threw of promptly at the time cause how could that even be Mo Ran??? I picked it back up when the Fake Gouchen turned out to also be the Tangerine thief and noticed the line "A man from Linyi lost his heart at 20" could (if my math mathed correctly and in the first life the Heavenly Rift happened when Mo Ran was 20) very well mean Mo Ran. And while a stretch who is to say one of the two parts of a split human soul cant fully grown? Actually id think it quiet reasonable if the half of the soul that didnt end up in Mo Rans past body remained in his old body aka that of Taxian-Jun. I mean he needs some body.

I wasn't quiet sure why he laid low after the Heavenly Rift but I assumed his main goal would have been to assure Shi Mei stays alive (and maybe even take Mo Rans place should Mo Ran die in Shi Meis place? Idk man) but overall what I struggle with most is at last the "Why" of it all. Even now with knew information I still am at a loss at the questions of "Why are you doing this" and I cant seem to find an answer no matter how much i rack my brain.

Anyhow. I think some of these could still add up, while other things dont anymore and for the fun of it ill be throwing in one more scene I feel important but couldnt place. There is a mysterious man bugging Chu Xun. I much wish to find out who sends Chu Xun living blooming branches as I continue to follow the story. Id also like for these idiots in love to confess but at this rate ill figure out everything else before they manage that xD

2ha book 5 currently killing my brain cells.

Someone make it make sense! Im missing something I know it. I have too much intel so the current reveal of the antagonist doesnt check out to me, but I dont have ENOUGH TO PROVE THEY ARE NOT.

SOMETHING IS GOING ON HERE AND I DONT KNOW WHAT EXACTLY IT IS!

[strawberry-jammers]

I havnt seen this get talked about yet and thats kinda intriguing

But we all know abuela alma is an abuser right? At least to me she is.

Unintentinally, but that doesnt change much. She put a shit ton of pressure on her family, and it emotionally destoryed alot of them. Surface pressure was literally luisa having a mental breakdown

You can tell when she walked passed her family memebers when they where next to their doors in the scene where alma realizes what shes done.

Bruno is scared, Isabella fixs herself so she fit almas image, and luisa looks like shes in tears.

Not to mention antonio visibly doesnt wanna do his ceremony but when he sees alma look at him, he pretends hes happy. Even he cant express himself around her, and hes a literal child.

Its like they've been abused sense they where 5 because she never got over losing pedro, and imidietly having to raise 3 kids would be taxing on anyone. So when they got theyre gifts, she became alot more strict on everyone.

Pepa cant express her emotions on her own wedding day. in we don't talk about bruno, felix says "no clouds aloud in the sky" as if pepa was being forced to not be her normal anxious self because someone needs the day to be perfect.

Bruno literally didnt wanna see her after having the vision, because he knew shed flip or someone would blame him for everything. He was scared of her, and it showed. He stood up for Mirabel by the river cause he didnt want Mirabel to deal with the blam anymore. He probably saw how she was treated.

Dont get me started on Mirabel, this women LITERALLY made her feel worthless. She tells antonio "a gift, just as special as you" and her face drops, because she doesnt have a gift. So she thinks she isnt special. She was left out of the family photo. Alma told Mirabel to stay out of the way when preparing for antonios night. She yells at her several times in the movie. It makes sense why Mirabel lashed out at the end. She was tired of being blamed for nothing. Oh no. Isabella had fun, blame Mirabel because of a vision she didnt see all of. Oh no, Mirabel didnt get a gift, lets be mean to a five year old.

Isabella was forced to be perfect her whole life. Shes the oldest of the grand kids, she has higher expectations. She has to marry the perfect guy, always be graceful and can never be not perfect.

So many of them have had been mistreated by alma. She doesnt intend it. But her methods are faulty and you can tell.

Shes such a 3 dimensional charecter to me. You can see how she ended up where she did and how its gonna take a long time to get out of it.

The thing is though, the family was really quick to forgive alma. Especially Mirabel and anyone heavily affected by alma.

If i where mirabel, i wouldnt forgive her easily. Id acknowledge she actually didnt mean to hurt anyone but i wouldn't be all buddy buddy with her either.

I get you gotta wrap the movie up, but this seemed so strange to me. Like, years of mistreatment to just be forgiven in a week.

Maybe im over analyzing things who knows

[not-poignant]

Im sorry to do this here but you write characters that have done bad things and still get redeemed and still deserve love. Do you really think that? I know it doesnt compare to what Gwyn or Augus or Ef did but I cheated on my partner in February. I kissed a person I met 3 days prior and havent talked to since. I'll give some context, not to be seen as excuse because I know its inexcusable. I'm poly, my partner is not. I didnt know that because they had said "maybe in the future". I thought the three of us could get together. Partner thought they had made it clear they werent poly. Partner thought they could get over it and we stayed together but they couldnt. They broke up with me today. I already felt like the scum of the earth and I still do. I feel like I dont deserve anything and should be punished or something. Kinda what Ef was doing with his apartment. I also dont know if Im supposed to tell everyone. I feel like no one would trust me with anything if they all knew I cheated, and maybe I deserve that, but if I actually deserve absolution orsm then maybe I shouldn't tell everyone. I also feel like I traumatised myself out of being poly. I cant imagine it anymore, not when its the reason i lost them. Do you have advice maybe? Sorry for this

Hi anon,

The first thing I'd suggest is learning what polyamory is, because in my opinion you're not really practicing it. The foundation or bedrock of polyamory is not actually having multiple partners, it's a willingness to communicate honestly and authentically, which you don't do, or haven't done. That's why single people can be polyamorous, and a person in a monogamous relationship can be polyamorous without actually actively practicing polyamory.

Likewise, a person can have multiple partners and not be polyamorous at all.

You really need to do some actual research into what you believe you are. There's so many different stages of communication breakdown in what you've described that it just looks like you need to work on basic human communication and listening skills going forward.

I'm poly, my partner is not. I didnt know that because they had said "maybe in the future".

This is so strange to me, because you did know that, because your partner didn't say 'I'm polyamorous now' they said maybe later.

You're making assumptions that fit you and your convenience, or making things up in your head that aren't there. Telling me you don't know either means you're lying to me, or you're lying to yourself, because your excuse is literally that your partner told you they weren't polyamorous but that they might be later on. You obviously didn't get confirmation about this, and never communicated further on it, and made an assumption for your own purposes that neglected the people around you, and got people hurt.

I thought the three of us could get together.

Why? Your partner never told you that they were polyamorous, and you never communicated anything clearly, or asked for communication. Did you tell your partner that you thought the three of you could get together? Did you tell your partner that you were going to kiss someone you'd only known for a handful of days (did you get an STI screen before doing that? Or did you harmfully put yourself and your partner in further danger?) Did you tell your partner that you thought they were polyamorous now?

Partner thought they had made it clear they werent poly.

Yes. Because they did. Your partner is right, and is absolutely the wronged party here. You made lies up in your head, in a situation where your partner never told you they were polyamorous.

Partner thought they could get over it and we stayed together but they couldnt. They broke up with me today.

Honestly, I'm not surprised. It sucks that it hurts so much, but I would consider how much pain you've caused and then look at ways to repair that in the future, because guilt on its own isn't enough.

It's important to learn what polyamory is, how to do it ethically (which let me be clear - you didn't), and then how to communicate.

Part of that will be communicating to all future partners and potential future partners that you've done this, and are still working on it, so they have this transparency. Like you don't have to tell everyone, but since communication is a skill you really, really need to work on, this is a good place to start. Self-accountability will go a long way for you, because I feel like you made decisions here that solely benefited yourself and no one else around you and are upset that it didn't turn out the way you wanted when other people got hurt because of that (which...of course they do).

I feel like no one would trust me with anything if they all knew I cheated, and maybe I deserve that, but if I actually deserve absolution orsm then maybe I shouldn't tell everyone.

If what you've taken away from Falling Falling Stars is that you deserve absolution when you've done absolutely nothing to change yourself except feel some guilt, then like... I don't know what to tell you anon.

That's not the thrust of the story.

I also feel like I traumatised myself out of being poly.

I don't think it's such a bad thing to realise the way you were doing it was so damaging to others (and eventually yourself) that you need to actually stop and learn how to do it properly and healthily. The person who got hurt the most in this scenario was still your partner/ex, and it's worth considering the wellbeing all future partners going forward. Because what you described to me was not a partner that was polyamorous, and I literally have no idea how you got that impression, beyond just...lying to yourself for your own ends. Someone telling you 'maybe later' is never ever ever ever consent to literally ANYTHING until you get concrete confirmation.

What steps are you taking to make sure this doesn't happen again?

What books or articles are you reading on ethical polyamory?

How will you ensure accountability with yourself and with future partners?

How will you ensure STI safety if you want multiple partners or any partners at all?

What steps are you making to become a better communicator?

When will you know you're a healthy enough communicator to be polyamorous? (You don't have to be a perfect communicator, but healthy is important).

What are you doing to ensure that you're listening to your partners instead of just making things up in your head for your own convenience?

These are the places I would start. Guilt as an emotion is not the thing that will answer these questions. 'I feel really bad about it' is not practical, active, engaged steps and feeling awful makes sense - you did something awful - but it won't last, and after those feelings leave or dissipate it's important to make sure you have something concrete as a foundation for future relationship/s.

People do deserve forgiveness - but not from everyone, and usually once they've done the work to show that they're willing to change and work hard - that is the point of Falling Falling Stars. Idk if you're seeing a therapist twice a week, or went to couples counselling, or actually have been doing any work at all. You trying to convince me that your partner was polyamorous or ready to try poly in general is a sign to me that you haven't done much of this work at all, but the good news is you can start self-accountability and self-responsibility at any point.

Part of that is acknowledging that just as you deserve love and kindness, the people around you deserve this from you as well - and that happens in the form of honest, authentic communication and compassion, which is something you can work towards.

[campcomputers]

In order (under the cut):

I knew when I got into a serious relationship, by which I mean a relationship where there was an expectation of intimacy. What specifically made me realise was when they wanted me to kiss them and that grossed me out.

I'm a little unsure what this question means but I think I place a lot less importance on romance. I dont give a shit about it other than the fact it is not something I want for myself. Honestly it disgusts me but also that's your life and you can do what you like.

I'm of two minds about that one: I do enjoy the queerplatonic relationship I'm in and I was the one to initiate it because that was something I specifically desired. Its not as much anymore in the sense that while I do love my QPP, I wouldn't want another if we ever broke up for some reason.

We don't really cuddle and we don't kiss at all. It's not something that I really want from someone I'm devoted to in that way. It's more of a thing that I want from my acquaintances if that makes sense? Like if we're kissing I want to know you but I also dont want it to be a big thing.

I just kinda knew that while I didn't want to be in love and I never would, I did actually want someone to stay by my side and support each other through our lives. Be serious about our bond without the need for romance.

Technically ace-spec even though I dont vibe with the label so I'll answer this one too. I always knew. The thought of sex is strange to me most of the time and I only occasionally actually entertain it. I would never go through with it so relationships are kind of irrelevant to me.

Its different for everyone, words are words. If you feel like platonic describes your wants and needs best then its platonic, if you feel like romantic fits better its romantic. I'm probably not a good source for this as a lovequeer lmao.

Aromantic Question

Question to any aromantic, aroace, or anyone in a platonic relationship.

When did you know you didn't want a romantic relationship? Was it an a-ha moment, or did you put the pieces together? How would you describe your difference in feelings compared to the people around you? Do you still desire some sort of relationship, platonic or otherwise?

For people in a platonic relationship, do you still show intimacy: kissing, sex, cuddling, etc? How did you realize you wanted a platonic relationship and not a romantic one, or do you still desire one?

And I guess a quick question to other asexuals for fun, when did you know you were ace, and how do you navigate potential relationships?

Asking this as an asexual who doesn't feel the need to start a relationship, yet still imagines being with someone in the future and craves some sort of intimacy.

Honestly still a little confused at romantic vs platonic in the sense that I don't want sex, so how would it be romantic?

Interested in hearing anyone's story really, ace, aro, or anyone on those spectrums and otherwise.

[killerskillercaptain]

Forget Me Not - part I

this work is based on this request

pairing : levi ackerman x reader

wc 1,8 k +

themes : reincarnation au, canonverse to modern au, Levi and Reader both reincarnate in modern au, Levi remembers his past life, reader does not.

warnings : lots of angst, death of reader, cursing.

You dragged your blades along the flesh of another titan's neck, tearing through it just enough to kill the giant. You watched the titan fall and crash while you landed on the ground using your ODM gear.

"Shit !" you muttered a bit panicked

Those were your last usable blades, all of the others already broke and the remaining ones were too damaged, weathered by the long and repetitive moves.

You looked around you, there were so many soldiers dead, their bodies lying flat on the ground, but you couldn't spot a single blade fit for use near any of the corpses, all of their swords had either been snapped in half, crushed or are still planted on the giant bodies trying to eat you alive.

Never had a battle been so demanding and tiresome, you don't recall seing a mission this gruesome, and you were a vet ! If there was a hell on earth, this would be it. Even the weather wasn't in your favor; it was raining blood, the air was filled with a repugnant smell that you soldiers were all too familiar with, the smell of titans body fluids and body parts rotting not far away from you. All of this was bearable you thought, grown accustomed to, what was never tolerable was the cries of your comrades getting eaten alive. The sound of their bodies crushed or getting bitten sounded new each time. It was strange, there was all this killing going on, all these horrible deaths happening right now, the rain and the muffled sounds of bones being crushed at the palms of faith, and some last words you could barely comprehend, but strangely enough, time seemed to stop for you, everything around you began to become distant and you could feel what resembled a calmness inside the turmoil inside of you. What was this odd feeling you thought, looking down at your hands, you observed the spoilt blades of your two swords, your hands weren't shaking anymore, and you found yourself in a bizarre state of apathy.

Did you accept your nearing death ? Were you going to stop fighting and let today be your last ? What could you do ? There were still more titans than soldiers, you were on your knees, incapable of making them move, even if there was a blade you could use on a body somewhere, you wouldn't be able to reach it without getting in the visual field of a titan, it would be like rushing to your death. You were stuck, your years of experience had taught you to assess quickly and effectively situations, and you knew you couldn't kill or save now, you could only run for your life, an option you couldn't bring yourself to do, maybe someone will come, someone with reinforcement and equipment.

You couldn't desert a battlefield. Looking up at the sky, you closed your eyes, cancealing the horrors of your surroundings, you prayed for one person to show up, only one person could make a way out of this hopeless situation.

Eyes still closed, you thought about Levi Ackerman, you wondered where he could be right now, you thought about the way he methodically does his job, nice and clean, no one being able to match his skills, you thought about how much he hated casualties and pointless deaths. As foolish and frivolous it was, you thought about his jet black hair and the way it would fall on his face while he escapes from a titan's grip, how his jaw clenches when he's faced with a particularly bothersome specimen, you weren't aware you picked up on those things until now, not to forget how his body spins, like a dancer in a deadly ballet. You also thought about how he always kept an eye on you every time you were together on a field, his eyes always trying to locate you somehow, you caught him so many times throwing worried glances at you, especially in dangerous situations, more than any other of his comrades. Did it mean anything ? You never thought about it that way, come to think of it, you never knew what Levi Ackerman thought of you, were you just a another comrade to him or someone more important ? Those questions were going to stay unanswered. All those times you caught him eyeing you, overprotecting you, asking you if you ate, slept, rested at the most random of occasions.

And him ? Did he know what you thought of him ?

You felt the ground tremble underneath you all of a sudden, you looked beside you and you saw a giant human-like feet, its nails extremely dirty, a long and deep cut carving an opening at its ankle, leaving the insides completely visible. When did you get accustomed to such disgusting sights ? The titan bent over, watching your form, you were looking up at him now.

He has a friendly face you thought.

You pictured Levi in your head, for maybe what you thought was your last moment. He hated futile losses.

"Don't you dare die on me" he always said.

An ear piercing sound blew out of nowhere and a black signal tore the sky apart. You saw a small figure jump from tree to tree using an ODM gear, you didn't recognize who it was until the silhouette landed next to you, only inches away. Blood and rain on his face, Levi pulled you up by your underarm.

"GET UP ! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING ?

"I don't- i don't know what had gotten into me Levi"

"I DONT WANT TO HEAR IT MOVE IT"

He let go of your arm and grabbed you by the collar of your cape and forced you to stand on your now shaky legs.

"I'm out of gas Levi"

"What ?"

If you've never seen Levi panic, you did now. His eyes darted around frenetically, from the titans to the dead bodies then back to you again. He was grabbing you by the arm again, you could feel his long fingers digging into your forearm, he was tense and panicking. Panicking because both of you didn't have horses, but mostly because he had only one gas bottle left.

Levi looked down, trying to asses the situation and come with a plan for both of you to shun the titans and get out safely while having just enough gas for one person. Feeling a hot puff on the top of your heads you both looked up just in time to see two big eyes and a large mouth ready to chop both of your heads off, Levi shot his grapple hooks and pulled you by the waist with him, you escaped this one, but he couldn't guarantee the others, this situation couldn't go one he thought. You landed far enough to be out of reach from the titan who just attacked you, but you could already spot two blonde abnormals noticing you and coming for you. Levi quickly grabbed his gas container and detached it from his gear.

"Here ! Take it ! This should be enough for you to escape far from titan territory !" Levi shouted under the heavy cascade of rain.

"What ? No !"

"Don't be fucking stupid ! Take it ! I can manage to escape without it somehow ! Forget about completing the mission ! We retreat NOW !"

You reached for the container and placed it on your own gear before standing up. One of the abnormal had come so close now you could see the veins on his ridiculously large stomach. Levi grabbed your arm one last time "I'm going to shot my hooks at the nearest tree, i'm gonna distract this one so you can escape ! You take the opposite direction"

You nodded while the ground shook harder now that the titan was in front of you, his gigantic form casting its shadow over you. You actioned your hand grips, your hooks flew right into a tree in the opposite direction of where Levi went, you prepared yourself to use the gas to speed up.

Levi thinking the titan would naturally follow him instead, landed on a giant oak before turning around. His face darkened as soon as his eyes landed on you. You were struggling to get past the titan who was still chasing you and ignoring Levi, how come you weren't moving fast, the amount of gas should have been enough.

Levi's felt his heart stop and sink down his stomach, he instinctively reached behind him and pulled up the container he still had.

It was full.

He had given you the wrong gas container.

He mixed them up and gave you the empty one.

That's why you were so slow, too slow.

Too late.

Looking up, afflicted, he launched forward screaming your name, but it was in vain and he knew it. He couldn't take his eyes off your small figure getting picked up by a giant human hand who didn't have the any struggle catching up with you.

You think you heard him scream

You think you heard him scream your name

You're not sure, but you think you heard him slash the titan's fingers and landing with you on the ground, the titan's blood pouring down on both of you, hot and sticking.

For a moment, you thought you were going to make it, but you got suddenly conscious of the grotesque laceration on your lower abdomen and knew that this was it. You weren't going to make it.

An indescribable pain, a man's cry of misery, and cold blood running through your veins, you watched your vision go black, and for a split of second, the feeling of falling down an immense pit was all you could think of, the voice of Levi's cries resonating against the walls of what you assumed was your consciousness.

"I'm sorry ! I'm so sorry !" "Forgive me !"

***

When you opened your eyes, the sunlight blasting through a nearby window blasted your vision, when your eyes adjusted to the lightening, you realized you were in a room painted with an immaculate white.

How did you get in this hospital room ?

Wait, how did you know this was a hospital room ?

Because it looks familiar

You tried to recall anything prior to this instant, but you couldn't. Your mind was blank, you grabbed your head with your two hands, how come your memory was so blank ?

Outside of the building, you could hear chanting ambulances and honking cars in the distance, making your head throb painfully. You looked at your right, a bed table was there, on top was a bottle of mineral water, your keys, and your purse with a stethoscope dangling from it. There was also flowers dipping in a small amount of water inside a glass.

Your purse ? Your keys ? You don't remember coming here by yourself ! You tried to get up and get out of bed but the thumping inside your head quickly urged you to lay back down rapidly. You closed your eyes to try and shut the pain but heard footsteps shuffling cautiously inside the room, eyes still closed you heard a familiar soft and young voice ask if you were awake.