#its so fun tho i really like my room
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i get to have my christmas lights on overnight. as a little treat.
#you know how some people have fairy lights as decoration? ive got multi-colour chrismas ones 6=w=9#i got them on a white-elephant type thingy and theyre greatt#i dont have them on often bc i cant be bothered but. they make my room so nice and cozy which is just what i need rn.#sillyposting#waugh my room is soso cool i wish i could share it here!! but alas. impossible.#its so fun tho i really like my room#anyway im very scaredy of having lights and such plugged in overnight bc. what if they explode.#plugs etc are fine but..... what if the lights are not.... i would never know....#ive left them on overnight once bc. that was a weird night and i couldnt be bothered ig. + again. it was fun#BUT IM LEAVING EM ON TONIGHT YAYYY#ive had such a rough day filled with so many gross thoughts and feelings and meltdowns and tissues.#ive almost blown trough an entire box by now. what the hell#anyway yeah so if i dont reblog anything after like. 10 hours from now. ill be dead. <3
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i am asleep much in the way that Wally is asleep. that is to say, I Am Not Sleeping
#gave it my best shot for a minute there#really made an effort. its Not Working#see this is what happens when your sleep schedule is Fucked and you usually go to bed when the sun comes up#on a normal night id be jammin to tunes. scribbling with reckless abandon#tonight however i am at Someone Elses place so i need to be Quiet#i need to Sleep i am Driving tomorrow#brain wont cooperate tho. brains a bitch. id like to be unconchus#OH SHIT OH!!! I DO HAVE A JOKE I CAN MAKE BARNABY USE!!!#I HAVE A COUPLE OF OCEAN BASED ONES! FUCK!#sorry train of thought took a detour#im tired. today was mostly very good. had lots of Fun <3#experienced something new! several somethings!!#and now im lamenting my wide-awakeness in a dark room#my hunting gathering badass self is Bored as Hell#and so: wally scribble of him sharing my woes#scribble salad#not gonna tag it as anything else
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Maybe everything's not actually a lost cause and its just pmdd
#afyer move in ive been ij such a slump#its so bad and i only just rembered its because ive got the kys condition 🙄#like i stayed in my room the whole time i didnt even eat proper lunch#my friend moved in today so it was much better it was kinda fun and i got to see the kitchen and talk with my housemates but pmdd makes#everything so conflicting#the spirals will really tell you its the end of the world and it'll be like this forever#just telling myself that that's not the case and its only temporary#lasar being incoherent#it is hard tho#pmdd posting
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#prefacing this w ik in fanfiction they're all just our little barbie dolls we're making kiss and it doesnt matter whatsoever but like Do you#understand how much love and respect and loyalty there is between connor and leon irl#like in connors nhlpa ama he immediately no question said that leon's the nhler who knows him best + that he's spent his entire professiona#career w him. whenever leon's asked what he thinks of connor the first sentance out his mouth is 'you [the media] know. he knows' and then#he carries on talking about how he's the best player in the world + connor never hesitates to return the sentiment#and between the two of them it's not sentiments they sau it like its fact bc it is#and their whole 'cup or bust' thing every analyst and their mother have taken it as a 'they're going to win in edmonton or not at all' in t#e sense that they want to stay in edmonton n stay together <- like not even in an insane person edmonton polycule type of way in the they'r#the best players in the world and have insane chemistry on the ice and are eachother's best friends type of way#like a reason why their pp is so lethal is bc those two on a line + the other team down yeah ofc thats going to be automatic#and leon saying that their best beats anyone else's best no doubt and connor talking about building the team from the ground up like leon w#s there when they got boo'd off the ice in 2014 he was a part of building the team that's thier damn team and in turn the sheer amount of#respect the rest of the team have for them and they have for the rest of the team and the trust that while they're the best players they#don't have to play for all of them n that's part of thier whole like. our fourth line stands up to any other first line rock solid belief#like and ofc thier on ice hugs and lockerroom hugs and that moment in the sportsnet knee injury doc and how they mention that they're best#friends whenever theyre asked and how their gf's are also best friends and also their damn dogs#NOT TO MENTION. he's my ride or die. im really lucky our paths crossed here in edmonton. as a friend it was really tough to watch that#<- leon's insane 2022 playoff run on a broken ankle#and the way leon's been dubbed the german gretzky and connor's been the next next one since he was 15 and the way they have such a solid#control of the lockerroom together and i dont know if they've ever said conflicting things to the media and how they've said that they push#eachother to be better (connor saying that leon told him to score more)#and their little taps throughout their season and bringing back their team from the dead and leon being the one to make connor laugh in#pressers and on the bench#ALL TO SAY. like i am a mc.matt.drai enjoyer in the threesome/winners room/asg/2997 are actually quite abnormal about eachother and matthew#has never been normal about anything in his life and this might be fun. kinda way#but 2997 are soulbonded in ways quite possibly none of us will ever be able to truly understand#<- also i do mean this genuinely like they're not normal people but both of them are not normal#SORRY FOR RAMBLING. i just wish there was better written fanfiction.#<- wish to be the change you see in the world innit tho#so funny to me how the eh is just canadian innit.
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thasmin alternative funny ending where the end of sea devils is the same but at the start of potd it's immediately incredibly obvious they did Not stick with that "lets just be pining" deal
like sea devils flirting times ten, absolute honeymoon phase, bring back the Mattress Suggestions but #confirmed this time, dan leaves because he has a date to get to ahem ahem
crucially this remains Entirely unacknowledged by Everyone. but like in a trying to give someone a kiss and headbutting them bc you forgot youre both wearing space helmets kinda way. the first person to almost mention it is the master, who wants to point out to yaz the things they have in common, but before the doctor can bite his head off yaz has already kicked him. they both dont mention it. the master also doesnt again.
the episode functionally stays the same. the master being the doctor becomes even more poignant in his dynamic with yaz. nothing else would change. they both would prioritise the fate of the planet and the people theyre trying to help over anything theyve got going on and even more importantly i can not stress this enough this is a folie-à-deux of hardcore denial. they did this exact same thing apart for years theyve just combined forces now. it's obvious, but it can Not be acknowledged by Anyone. and it wont be. and nothing changes. the entire episode plays the exact same way if theyre deeply in love because they are. just add like three words of dialogue and an eyeroll from dan in the first third and youre done
#i say alternative#but reading the script#i think this is just whats there ghfjghjh#man the stuff that got cut from the episode hurts me i cant imagine how it feels if you wrote it#wish we had deleted scenes#just got the dvd of potd 2 days ago i dont think it has deleted scenes tho#would give soooo much for deleted scenes#the master siberia scene#the 'youre gonna live arent you' bit#and just so many fun little lines like when dan says 'what am i doing ihave a date to get to' and the doctor says over the com#'you know we can hear you right?'#or when she goes 'rmember the plan stick with the plan its a really good plan'#and dan andyaz are like 'WHAT PLAN'#and she goes 'didnt i say??'#just let me have eveerything that was left on the cutting room floor i'll put the 2 hour finale togethe ron my own no worries
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so i got to see sheeno mirin, ahub, r906, utsuP, & hiiragi magnetite. i missed hiiragi kirai by a few minutes but thats okay im more than satisfied with what i did see.
#r906s SO TALL??? DID U KNOW THIS?????? THEYRE TALL!!!!!!#i only have one vid from utsuP bc my phone was under 20% battery. and magnetite was the last performance of the night#and that was over an hour away & i NEEDED my phone to not die for obvious reasons#i also heard rettou joutou like 4 times tonight and that does NOT get old in that setting#convinced thats how its supposed to be experienced. and probably all giga songs#utsuP had a really solid song line up tho. literally so fun.#thats also coincidentally when the hearing damage became apparent but thats okay#the whole thing was just insanely fun 20/10 would do again#was it crowed. yes. and everyone was so sweaty. but ive never felt more alive in my life#than being in a room full of people that fucking love vocaloid#even the two non vocaP performances i saw had voca songs in them. Everyone Fucking Loves Vocaloid. amazing#i do have vids from all of them.#obviously i have the most from magu. & i have a lot from r906#ahub played quixote & had a live singer for it so i have that recorded too.#sheeno mirin i have videos but i was in the worst spot possible so they arent very good#but i will say besides maximizer & their own songs#they did play mekakushi chord & kagerou days#& unknown mother goose which was super cool to do the ooos with the crowd during#& fragile
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thinking about my oc Bytte. and. her gender is Aro. her Aromanticism is inextricable from her gender experience.
#toy txt post#i love to make an alloaro oc whos a woman navigating a usually masculine role in society far before we ever coined aromanticism#whos Aromanticism informs so much about her but with no language to adequately describe it she doesnt really know how#and so she does kinda blow up her relationships by accident bc she does Want human connection#and what she Wants is to fuck someone whos friends with her and chill about it who will just be fucking Normal about it#and Not Make It A Big Thing and also for other people to not make it a big thing and they can hang out and be friends#but never fucking domesticize her. and its in part a rejection of the misogynistic role of Wife in historic (and even modern) society of#course but its also a rejection of the relationship hierarchy of Wife. of the romanticization. bc of her circumstances the only role on#offer of course has been Wife. but in the hypothetical situation where she was offered the role of Husband? she would at first probably#accept that. in theory. it sounds fine. sure. but if she tried to LIVE like that. to Live even as a Husband. it would Also be Wrong. to put#any of her relationships into that framework is to fundamentally ruin them forever. and she is living in a society that wants that to be#the only framework. anyway its crazy how ive made a character like that exactly Twice at least#(Bytte and Lucille. Bytte is a bit more genderfucky than Lucille. Lucilles gender is also ugly violent scary woman. for reasons)#both of these characters rn are cis. well. not /cis/ cis but theyre afab and women bc i want to explore that but i am thinking lately about#a transfem take. to explore. ive considered it and i dont think i want that for Bytte? all that means is watch out for future ocs#i could do a character very similar to Bytte as transfem and it would be really good but theres something about#and honestly it would probably make more SENSE for Bytte? due to gender roles in like ancient sparta or whatever?#but if shes transfem in sparta i think there would be subtle nuanced differences in how ppl interact w her that i dont necessarily want for#her? if that makes sense. i know this reasoning sounds weak in a vacuum but i Promise i have way more characters than this and i do want to#explore things differently. i promise there are complex transfem characters in witchverse and also complex characters whos asab im not#decided on yet. there are some im not sure i ever want to be decided on? the downside of being incredibly specific about fictional#characters is that it doesnt leave you all room for headcanons#sorry. good news is you can go make your own ocs about it 👍 idk. much to explore. much to think about#also sometimes a ''''cis'''' character CAN have a fun gender to play with honestly its just that mainstream media Never does#so theres no good way to be like no but listenn i swear its fun#anyway this is all moot cos im not a fucking writer im just making up little guys and doing nothing#also anyway. i think my gender is also aro and a little ace. personally. also before u get mad at me about these 2 ocs being like#probelmatic aro rep or smth: 1) aforementioned its moot anyway im not even a writer 2) these arent the only alloaro ocs i have its just#funny that i made this one twice lmao 3) my brain is huge. my ocs are rad. suck my ass. ♡#if only i Was a writer tho god. thered be sooooo many aro characters fr fr
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#me @ my youngest sister at 6.30 this morning: yooooooo can u draw me a fishy so i can get it tattooed on me?#i drew her some flowers so i want a paralell tattoo with her initials bc she has my initials on her#but i literally have not spoken to her since like may bc i do not talk to my sisters unless we r in the same room. no hate we just dont hav#a lot in common. it makes me a lil sad tho bc im curious abt them. my youngest sister is at least nice to me 😭#ive been thinking abt asking her for ages and last night i was asked abt my sisters so i was like. the time is now#while im still a bit elevated#which has been to my advantage bc i was able to stay v chatty and energetic while talking to ppl. and i think i made some friends#we bonded over fic reading. so theyre a bit. ya kno. girls gays and theys of science#we make the world go round. but its so interesting to hear them talk abt coming to school here bc they both liked where they were and r#leaving their support systems. and im like bruh if i didn't leave the southwest i was gonna die. im so happy to b here#support system? whats that. i talk to my parents once a month and that's it lol. but im gonna try to establish one here#and try to actually make actual friends. this school is way better abt making grad students interact#my last school was not at all like that. but anyway i had fun#and i mean im only at the start of the semester. and im in a good mood. and i kno things will get stressful#but im just really happy i got accepted here#and the longer im here the more clearly i can see how much i was suffering#the funny thing is tho that i wrote this last night and only hours later i was squirming in frustration bc the fact that im back in therapy#means i feel a greater obligation to not b actively self destructive. evil coping mechanisms my beloved#this is y my mum wanted me back in therapy bc im a goodie 2 shoes and when my counselor is like: did u do X the next time i see her. ill b#honest and itll b annoying >:-[ ugh#its just hard for me to b around ppl a lot bc i get stuck in mental loops bc ocd. which is exhausting. and i want it to stop#and i want to do bad things to make it stop but i wont bc im trying to b better#its just funny to me that ill go from everythings awful to everythings great i shoukd talk to my sisters and make friends and do this and#this and this. to oh god i cant do this anymore in such short time frames with certainty that how im feeling is how ive always felt#ive also noticed that my peaks of high energy do come before stressful events. which does make me worry for future stressful events. like#defending. i mean ive never gone fully off the tracks but its a lil alarming when it feels like the train is going at a million miles an hr#unrelated#meanwhile my other sister is apparently in Colorado but when i saw the pics is was like: YOU BITCH#R U CLOSE TO ME RN??? but no. Colorado is far away
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omg i finally got platinum in returnal wtf am i supposed to do now, doing two runs a day has been part of my routine since like june..
#stupid crimson wastes and abyssal scar surveys took me MONTHS#and added another 40 hours of playtime i shit you not#just me doing more and more runs to find stupid random rooms for all the ciphers#im actually stoked tho#i honestly didnt even think id be able to play the game at all considering how genuinely difficult/punishing it is and#how limited my hands are#(ty developers for allowing controller remapping ily)#the story was so intriguing and cool and perfect for the medium that i really wanted to play myself even after#having watched my husband play almost two years ago (when i definitely couldnt have played myself lol)#i was so stoked when i actually got good enough to beat just the first boss bc it felt like i had really earned it lol#especially since i just didnt think it would be possible for me#and now i can just pick it up whenever and beat the whole thing and i rarely die at all which is sort of amazing#ive also learned i really like roguelites lmao#back when i got into hades i thought id HATE it and turns out its my new favorite thing lmao#that free god of war dlc from a month ago was super fun too#i fuckin love games#returnal#x
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There is literally no way to crop my drawing that isn't both an instant dox and also idk not allowed because of disclosure, BUT I am selling one of the first products I designed. 5 year job anniversary is today!
#totes bro#i recently went through my personal tag 'totes bro'#and i really am happy i made so many stupid personal posts over the years because 10 years later its fun to look back#wish i could show my products lol#sometimes its very surreal to know people buy things that i design. not that its like complex or anything#i was watching some videos about like idk art/industrial design idk from people who major in 'design'#i will be real i have no idea if i work in 'design' as a space tbqh because theyre talking about a lot of stuff that i dont encounter lol#well thats not completely true i do have 'pushback' prohibiting me i guess like sometimes people dont buy the thing i design#i don't think people who work in design have like hundreds of products they design it sounds like they work on teams for a dozen or somethi#not me tho i just draw up some stuff and go 'this is your only option'#recently i designed like a product line for a guy only to find out he completely lied about volumes#i also design a commodity product so nothing is like special i think this one is like a dozen lines#with my dolls i try to make scenes like the rooms that architects live in lol#they have such particular spaces which are the literal opposite of my life#where everything is cheap and sometimes disposable. nothing is meant to be looked at.#my house is kitch and filled with stuff
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its time for yet another brain game of am i like fully neurotic or was this genuinely not a cool situation . prize is jack shite and yet im playing anyways👍
#j.txt#vent#just like. to preface. im not bringing any of this up im just going to stew in it for the night and then move on as per usual#alright disclaimer made now i can get to the point. So. tonight is my close irl friends bday right but she didnt tell me about any plans#so i naturally assumed she was gonna do her own thing and not really celebrate. Ive had work all day and while working get a text frm her#asking if we want to go to this restaurant i introduced our group to for dinner. so i respond saying oh im off at this time if yall want to#go even tho its late i can. Never get a response so i assume theyll bring it up when i get back. get home and no ones here not a word abt#whats going on. i do my usual unwinding get ready to chill etc which takes abt half an hour. she comes back with our other mutual friends#and theyve already gone to the restaurant which is fine i get it. but they get back and say oh now we're going to this themed music night at#a club we've all been to before as soon as (other friend) changes. and then just. dont offer for me to come along or anything and leave.#which like. whatever its happened a hundred times before im used to it but Still. does it not even occur that I might want to participate??#if i had Any notice that this was happening I could have been getting ready instead of slacking around waiting for someone to get home#its so. i try extrememly hard not to be a downer or just invite myself to things bc I Know this is how they all operate but it does still#sting that it feels like im not even thought of if i dont happen to be in the room when plans are being made lol.#and obv I am Not bringing this up rn and ruining what im sure was a really fun night for all of them#its just truly a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation yknow. but such are the whims of fate and i shall endure as always✌️
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Coming back to Neon Nights
#my art#my ocs#lesbian#neon aesthetic#original character#lyre luminary#starmakers#this was a thing for school but i still really like it!#we were supposed to design a characters room and i thought doing neon filigree would be fun#dont talk to me abt the perspective btw i Know its not great shhh its old#lyre is still so fun to draw tho#also BLESS tumblr letting me format images. such a breath of fresh air compared to insta and twt#thank you tumblr#lol#at what point will the lesbian tag become redundant? idk but it applies here
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hi im back with more Out Of Context lines from my outlines/snippets that i find mildly entertaining when going back through it all: Fantasy Au Edition!
#my humor is like... if you heard something mildly amusing from the next room over and blew air through your nose#mild. some would say Tepid!#anyway i have been writing just. so much fantasy au#Mostly Outlines but there has been some actual writing as well!#tbh i prefer outlines because i can have Fun with it. i dont really need to worry about them being completely in character yet#bc its just a Guide! i can take my lingo and spin it into theirs later on!#the au is just so fun!#i am playing with metaphysical dolls!#been focusing a lot on wally and his whole enchilada tho...#should think of some plotlines for others. spotlights for Them!#i... dont know how to tag this#if you see it you see it! if you dont then you dont!#ive been doodling a lot of fantasy au...#which you Will See in november!#i have a bunch of stuff queued!#none of it is like. Elaborate or anything but its in there!#to be Seen and hopefully Enjoyed!#some asks are to be answered and such yk yk
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ok i can talk abt work now. i got hired to assist the main person who runs inventory and communicates with the vendors, orders plants and products etc etc. its been hard and mostly office work but insanely rewarding.
#logbook#they have me sitting at a desk ik they had to pull from someones ass in the corner of the main room next to her#this first week i went thru and counted every perennial they have on property and then went into the system and cycle counted it properly.#come mon i go back thru sales and if a plant want sold in 22 then i archive it. . .going to be so much work lol#i miss working outside with every fiber of my being but im also starting from the bottom with this job. . .im not at the top of pack here.#and ive been enjoying this aspect of the plant world so im honestly satisfied for right now. and i love the ppl i work with in the office.#we had a staff meeting yesterday and i texted c after going 'man im so relieved to know they still have workplace problems lol'#cause its really a priveledge to work in a garden center like this. . .imo.#anyways im full time<3 and ive been told i can come in earlier then i have been come march.#plus i get an employee discount lol. . .going to be so bad with the houseplants. theres a fern i really want if its still there mon.#im apparently doing all the work faster than anyone expected. .i thought i was going slow lmao#also she let me into the system on my first day and she told me she never does that. . .i was like 🥺#also i texted j this week and she said that the b+tes ppl go into l+wes and get lumber and said i was a hard worker and good!!#i was like ???? hello??? bc at that point id only worked 2 days. . and i still dont know who it was either.#ive been having fun tho. this week i'll take pics of the plants that are actually flowering. . .and some shrub closeups.#also checked in my first delivery on wed i think. it was fine. ik product and can count and i care so its not like its hard. .#going to be doing that all spring. . .whew.
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𓆩♡𓆪 crazy that there are infinities inside me for real.//.
#imjustsittinghere#my friend texted me from berlin right now just like#he said all the outfits hes seen so far are crazy and that id love it there#he said its montreal if montreal was serious lol#literally how i was like maybe ill move tomontreal or berlin like. if that isnt serendipitous#gonna make my way there one day i swear#maybe ill actually make a plan for next year#think i might try to spend some time in malta maybe meet up with some friends in berlin? would be kind of cool for like a week or something#spend a month in malta if i can maybe?#ideally if i could get someone to sublet my room in toronto that would be perfect so i wouldnt waste all my rent money#but if i hold onto my job i can bring my laptop there and work a couple shifts so its not like a complete write off u know?#maybe next fall...thatd be the fun time to go i think anyway n gives me a lot of time to save up#if i can stop myself from spending money on clothes i could fr do it lol#jus gotta focus on making my own#n i just got a brand new dope ass hoodie so im satiated for now#extremly jealous tho my friends are in berlin rn and going to paris for a couple days#going montreal at least tho next weekend with some other friends n going skiing n probably to a cool skate bar#at least thats hype <3#on my evil villain arc which really just means im trying to be less scared and follow my dreams a little#hope it works : )#really do love the whole my boss said i look like a villain thing tho im latching onto that heavy#kind of been playing with this creative space/idea of embracing the lil demon imp that lives in me so it just seems very timely and fitting#jsut really identifying with the word imp idk more on that later
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wait a goddamn second. being roommates means we get to go apartment hunting together
#that simultaneously sounds very fun and very frustrating#im already just browsing even tho we're not gonna start really searching till next year at the earliest#i dislike the idea of leaving home so soon but i know my mom wants me out asap so im trying to at least get an idea of what my friend -#- and i might expect from all of this#there's a lot of neat apartments downtown but they're all pretty damn expensive. for my city at least#maybe they're normal for huge cities but even tho our city is a capital its not crazy huge#there's plenty of apartments outside of downtown though so we should probably go for those. they're a lot more affordable#i wonder if i can paint my room. like i know a lot of landlords dont allow that but i hope we can find a place that allows that#bc im gonna miss my bright red bedroom :(( i love my current room a lot and i dont like the idea of just. leaving it behind for an off -#- white square of a room#i helped paint my room when we first moved into our current house so i could probably do it again pretty easily
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