#its so bad literally how do any of the (VERY TALL??) members of the party look at him properly

[moonctzeny]

Baby

au+trope+prompt game: college!au Jaehyun + fake dating + it’s just so hard not to fall in love with you

pairing: jung jaehyun x fem!reader x asshole!yuta

other members as background characters: yuta, mark, johnny, jungwoo

genre: angst, smut

word count: 9,124

warnings: abusive relationship, toxic behaviour

summary: “When Yuta breaks your heart for the millionth time, you meet Jaehyun, freshly broken up and looking for revenge. You decide to start fake dating to get back on your exes, but your plan takes an unexpected turn. You fall in love.”

a/n: I really don’t like putting yuta in a negative light like that it’s just for the fic’s sake! also I literally used the name Naeun as Jaehyun’s ex because I think it’s SUCH a pretty name, NO correlation whatsoever to any korean celebrity named naeun!

_____________________________________

You knew it was wrong.

Looking through your boyfriend’s, Yuta’s, phone while he took a shower, was the arguably the tackiest thing you have ever done.

He was always distant lately, only seeming to make time for a booty call, and at first, you blamed your hectic schedule. Your major was demanding, to say the least, so when Yuta suggested that you replace your dates with some “quality time” at his dorm, you had no objections. You didn’t know that he also meant ignoring your calls, canceling on you at the last minute to meet up with his frat brothers, and keeping your relationship strictly between four walls and two naked bodies.

The thought of him meaning more to you than you meant for him ate you away. It creeped in your mind while you heard the water running from your shower, and lead your fingertips to tap in the password of his phone.

Opening his messaging app, you recognize his best friends’ icons in a group chat consisting of his frat members. You scrolled up, ignoring the latest massages regarding a party that the frat would be throwing in two weeks. You started to feel guilty, not exactly sure what you were looking for, when you saw your name at the screen.

m0rklee[00:10]: @yutassanhyung, i saw your girl today at the supermarket! why didn’t you tell her about the party next Sunday?

you[00:12]: what girl lol  

m0rklee[00:13]: y/n?? i thought you guys were together?

you[00:12]: nahh

fairyteil[00:15]: eyy @yutassan if you’re done with her i know a couple guys who wanna hit it too

you[00:16]: be my guest haha

you[00:16]: don’t get me wrong she was bad when we met but shit is getting kinda stale

tenoutoften[00:17]: aren’t you on your way to her place lol

you[00:17]: hey hey pussy is pussy

Was that all you were to him? Pussy?

Yuta called you special, he called you yours. He didn’t like it when you were talking to other guys. He ripped your lingerie set because he didn’t want anyone else to ever see you in it but him. And then he dared to go around and call you a fling?

You heard the water stop running and knew you didn’t have much time until you had to face him, the thought alone making you sick.

You didn’t bother to lock his phone again, leaving the chat that made you so upset open. Grabbing your keys and a jacket, you left your place and hoped that Yuta would get the message and get the fuck out of there before you came back.

Your legs walked on their own accord, your memory leading you to the only place where you knew you’d find any sort of comfort. When Johnny opened his door, tears were already streaming down your face. He took the open tequila bottle you were holding and pulled you in for a hug. He smelled like weed and beer, and after hearing the “Is that the pizzas?”, you realized that your best friend wasn’t alone.

You quickly wiped your cheeks and fixed your sex hair that Yuta messed up, trying your best to look presentable. Johnny put a hand on your back and lead you to his living room. Jungwoo, your and Johnny’s friend from high school, was sprawled out on the couch, a little disappointed after seeing that you were, in fact, not the pizzas. Next to him, drowning in a bean bag, was Jaehyun. You didn’t really know him very well other than the fact that he took the same major as Johnny, so you felt a little insecure looking as messy as you did right now. His eyes were red, just like the other men’s, but you could swear his eyelashes looked a little damp.

Jungwoo’s words were muffled by the barbecue chips he was munching away.

“Yoo y/n, I didn’t know you were coming!”

You placed the tequila bottle on the table,

“Yeah, Woo, figured you wanted something to drink”

“Move” Johnny murmured to him, but he only stretched and sighed dramatically, shoving a handful of chips in his mouth.

“I don’t need a drink I need food. I’m hungry and I got the munchies”

Johnny grabbed his ankle and with impressive ease, dragged Jungwoo to the floor. The taller man sat on the couch, on the side next to Jaehyun and you followed his lead, letting a grumpy Jungwoo lean his head on your knees. Taking the lit joint from Jaehyun’s fingers, Johnny turned his attention back on you.

“So tell me chica” he said and took a hit, “who do I have to beat up?”

“Yuta”, you grumbled, “I’m ghosting this motherfucker”

You felt the vibrations on your lap when Jungwoo started talking.

“What did he do this time? Didn’t I tell you not to get involved with stupid frat boys?”

You started petting his hair, the softness comforting under your fingers.

“Apparently I’m not ‘bad’ enough for him anymore” you replied, throwing air quotes and rolling your eyes.

“Whaaaaat” Johnny drew out with a cough after taking a particularly deep inhale from the blunt, “you’re like the baddest bitch I know. Even now, that you’re all puffy from crying and smell like his dick”

You hit his shoulder, almost dropping the joint he was passing to Jungwoo, embarrassed that he would say something like that in front of Jaehyun, an almost stranger to you.

“I don’t know, man” Jungwoo started, and you could hear the smile on his face, “when girls cry it’s kinda hot”

You were contemplating how many hairs of his you should rip out of his scalp when the telecom rang, assumably by the pizza delivery man.

“Saved by the bell”, Jungwoo muttered to himself and got up quickly to open the door. While the youngest paid for the pizzas, Johnny held your hand, a bit guilty for his words earlier. He had a mischievous smirk and kept shifting his gaze between you and Jaehyun, who had been sitting in silence ever since you got here, occasionally smiling at your friends’ teasing.

“Fuck Yuta, man. You should find a nice guy to treat you well and fuck you even better y’know?” he started, and patted his buddy roughly on the back, “Like Jae over here”

Your eyes widened and you instinctively glanced at Jaehyun, ears a deep red and a matching shocked look on his face.

You cleared your throat, “No offense, but, like, aren’t you practically married to this girl-uhhh what’s her name again? Naeun?”

To someone who wasn’t listening to your conversation, it must have seemed like you tased him, or brought up a painful childhood memory, or asked him if he’d be willing to lick a lemon after washing his teeth. He looked away from you, and turned his attention to his nails, ripping a cuticle off in deep concentration. His voice was so quiet when he finally spoke, that you barely heard him. “I broke up with her, actually.. Like, three hours ago”

Guilt washed over you in an instant, not knowing that you scratched a wound so fresh. You wanted to apologize and even ask if you should leave the three alone, when Jungwoo grabbed the Tequila bottle and crashed on the couch clumsily between you and Johnny.

“Fuck love!”, he yelled, “let’s get wasted”

_______________________________________

You stared at the empty José Cuervo bottle rising up and down Johnny’s chest with every one of his snores. He was laid out on his couch, his tall height taking up all of its entirety, leaving Jungwoo passed out on the floor. Jaehyun followed your eyes and smiled at Johnny’s sleeping face, mouth open and tongue spilling out.

After the 4th shot, you found out that Jae was a pretty decent guy. He let you rant about Yuta while your friends were busy trying to see who could eat a large pizza by himself the fastest. You told him all about how you never went on dates anymore, how you looked through his phone after having sex, and the text conversation you found earlier tonight. He listened carefully, without judgment, and after smoking some more of Johnny’s staff, he opened up to you about his relationship with Naeun.

Or rather, how he found her fucking his roommate on his own bed.

You always thought of these two as what they call a ‘power couple’. Valedictorian meets basketball all-star, they graduate and have beautiful babies, while all the rest of us mortals can do is admire from afar. You would have never guessed the toxicity, constant cheating and manipulation that Jaehyun was recounting. You bonded over stories about cancelled dates, emotional distancing and feeling like you’re always the one giving but never receiving. If you were being honest, you would have never expected such emotional depth from a college point guard. He drew you in with his gentleness, and you noticed how different he was from Yuta, who engulfed you with his intensity. You also hated how even now, you were still thinking of him.

Just then, you got his third message for the night:

asshole [03:35]:come on baby don’t ignore mee, me and the guys were just messing around

you [03:36]:stop texting me

you [03:38]:we’re done

You locked your phone, upset and angry, and felt Jaehyun sigh.

“I know I’m falling for her stupid games, but I just want to get back at her y’know? Show her what she’s missing, that type of thing”

You knew exactly what he was talking about. During the past hours, you weighted all the possible ways you could make Yuta regret ever taking you for granted.

He was so charming that he could get laid with anyone he wanted (and probably did, even when you were ‘dating’), but even after what he said to Taeil, you knew that he hated the thought of anyone else fucking you. He wanted your body to be his, without having to deal with the commitment that came with that privilege.

You thought about fucking one of his frat buddies, but that would get you from being called ‘Yuta’s girl’ to ‘ΘΨΩ’s cumslut’, and your self esteem couldn’t take that blow.

Jaehyun’s deep voice interrupted your train of thoughts.

“Maybe Johnny’s right”

“Huh? ”

“You should date me”

You blinked at him twice, not knowing what to reply when you saw him wave his hands frantically in front of his face.

“Fake date me! I mean, you should fake date me. Sorry, the weed’s got me a little fucked up”

At first, the idea seemed crazy. Yes, it would make Yuta furious that you were supposedly fucking one of the hottest guys on campus. Yes, Naeun would get mad that she didn’t have Jaehyun’s constant attention that she so craved anymore. Yes, you two might have revealed your deepest insecurities, opened up your hearts to each other all while sharing a bottle of alcohol, but you had never hanged out together without Johnny being present. You had barely hanged out together, period. But wouldn’t that make it even more believable? Two of Johnny’s best friends break up at the same time, meet up at his house and inevitably end up together. You didn’t share the same major, so you wouldn’t have to put up the act too much at college. And with social media, making a fake relationship believable was easier than ever.

asshole [03:42]: fuck you. you think you can find someone better than me?

Drunk and lacking logic, you agreed on the plan, and gave him your number. You had just finished creating the contact on his phone when he suddenly got up and rushed to the bathroom, facing the consequences of the tequila and weed combo.

You passed out on Johnny’s bean bag and when you woke up on Sunday afternoon, Jaehyun was gone.

———————————————————

You didn’t expect him to text you on Monday, thinking that it was intoxication that gave him the idea of fake dating and made it look brilliant. So when he gave you the address to his dorm, to further discuss your ‘operation’ you were surprised, but determined to succeed.

The plan was simple. You would start tagging each other on your instagram stories, to show people that you were spending time alone. He agreed to pick you up from your lecture on Wednesday, your classes coinciding on neighboring buildings. And for you final act, he’d come with you as your plus one for the frat’s party next Sunday. Mark was nice enough to invite you, after Yuta ‘forgot’ to do it instead, and Naeun, being Taeil’s sister, wouldn’t miss it for the world. It was the perfect opportunity to flaunt your new relationship, all while being on the opponent’s part of the field.

You started off innocently enough. After you and Jaehyun finished brainstorming ideas about the ‘operation’ as he insisted on calling it, he suggested you stay for a movie and some Chinese food. His dorm was cozy, a little messy, maybe, but it fitted his boyish charm. He had a nice collection of vinyls, stating that his favorite one was I. by Cigarettes After Sex. You were a bit taken aback by his love for dreampop and rnb, but the more you got to know him, the more it seemed to fit him nicely. On the wall next to his bed hung a display full of all of his sport trophies. He was known for his basketball skills, but you also saw medals for soccer, track, volleyball. Amongst them all was an English certificate and a spelling bee award. You wondered if he ever felt pressure trying to be so perfect all the time.

The movie was terrible, but Jaehyun managed to entertain you by making silly jokes throughout and mocking the actors’ bad acting. It was the first time you ever saw him crack a joke like that and be willing to contort his handsome features. So much better than the dream boy image he was feigning for everyone, but you didn’t know him well enough to tell him. The movie was halfway done when he picked up his phone and opened a camera app through his Instagram.

“Shouldn’t we take a story? Since we’re together anyways?”

You nodded and scooted closer to him. He was a bit hesitant as he positioned the camera to capture your legs that were touching, a scene from the movie playing in the background. It was a cute picture but nothing indicated that the two of you were more than friends. You pressed the X at the top of the screen to discard the picture, and placed his hand on top of your thigh. You turned around just in time to witness his ears turning into a fuschia pink.

“Is that okay?”

He nodded and regained his cool, taking the picture and tagging you with a red heart next to your username.

A couple hours after leaving his place you texted him, asking if Naeun had replied to his story. He said that unfortunately, the only person who batted an eye was Johnny, replying with a “ 👀 👀 👀 “ .

———————————————————

You met up again the next day, at your apartment this time.

He looked nervous being in a place so foreign to him yet so personal to you, so you decided to turn the lights down to help him relax, insisting that you weren’t trying to seduce him or anything. He laughed at your joke but still looked tense, and you thought that maybe he needed some liquid courage to open up.

“Hey Jae. Want a drink?”

It took him 3 beers to finally loosen up and show you his dimpled grin again. You were sitting on the floor, facing each other and feeling comfortable in the ambience of the room. A Spotify playlist was playing in the background so it would fill up the awkward silence but wouldn’t distract you from your conversation.

“Wait wait wait. So you sleep without a pillowcase?”

“Yeah, didn’t you notice it when you came to my place yesterday?”

“I thought you forgot to do your laundry!”

His laugh was resonating and deep and manly. It made his eyes disappear and his face light up, not that it didn’t anyway - the guy could easily be a skin care ambassador, and you made a mental note to ask him about his moisturizer later.

You followed his gaze to one of your walls. Pictures were filling it up, memories of yourself and your siblings, of your friends from home that you missed, of Johnny and Jungwoo. You felt a little insecure then, comparing them to Jaehyun’s countless medals and awards.

“I’m not good at sports like you, so I have nothing else to hang on my wall”, you laughed awkwardly but he shook his head.

“No, I’m actually jealous of you. Everyone always seems to want to be around you”

“Except Yuta”

“Yuta’s an idiot, then. You are way out of his league anyways.”

You felt yourself turning into a blushing mess and looked for a way to break the awkward silence that followed his comment.

“Wanna share another one?” you asked him, shaking the empty beer bottle on your hand and he nodded. You started getting up when you felt him put a hand on your shoulder and pick up the bottles you had finished up from the table himself. He rinsed them off and put them away to the recycling bag next to your sink, the domesticity of the action making you melt. You watched as he stood on his tiptoes to reach a lager from the top drawer of your fridge, revealing a defined set of abs and two cute dimples on his lower back. You ripped your eyes away immediately, like you were caught doing something illegal, and he walked back to his spot next to you. As soon as he sat down, he groaned and threw his head back.

“The bottle opener was on the kitchen counter. I forgot to bring it”

Without saying a word, you took the beer from his hand and placed the cap in your mouth. It was a party trick that your older brother had taught you when you were 15. After finding a stable indentation on your teeth, you manipulate the rough edges of the cap and pop the beer open. You return the glass bottle to Jaehyun, who’s looking at you incredulously.

“Fuck me, that was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen”, he breaths out and you feel your whole face burning up. You opened and closed your mouth a couple times, trying to register that someone like him thought you were hot, when you felt your phone vibrating, saving you from further embarrassing yourself.

Johnny’s picture lit up on the screen and you mentally prepared yourself for the following conversation. You and Jaehyun decided against telling anyone about your relationship being fake. It’s not that your best friend wasn’t reliable, but if you told Johnny you had to tell Jungwoo, and Jungwoo doesn’t know how to keep his mouth shut to save his life.

“John, what’s up”

“Eyy chica what took you so long?”

You looked at Jaehyun who had leaned back against the pillow of your couch and sipped on the beer you would share.

“Yeah sorry I was a little busy”

“Busy.. with Jaehyun?”

You tried to sound as nonchalant as possible, but you were still trying to recover from the previous incident.

“Yeah, he’s here”

“Ohh I see, little y/n can’t get enough of Jae’s slam dunks.. I bet he’s teaching you the bank shot, the opening tip, the double dribble, the fast break, the palming.. he sure is great for a rebound-”

You interrupted him, growing tired of his nonstop basketball innuendos.

“Why did you call me Johnny?”

“Damn, sorry, I just wanted to ask you what you wanted for your birthday”

Shit, you forgot about that.

“Just get me whatever, I don’t care, you know how much I hate celebrating anyways. I’ll get the cake myself, so no surprises”

Jaehyun lifted his brows and waited patiently for your call to end before asking:

“What are we celebrating?”

“It’s my birthday on Friday. I’m going to invite a couple people over and Johnny’s already stressing over it. Don’t worry, though, you don’t have to come”

“How can your boyfriend not come to your birthday party?”

You laugh bitterly.

“Well, it’s not like Yuta came last year. To any of my parties for that matter”

“Well, he must have made up to you somehow? Got you a very special gift or something?”

“If you count eating me out as a gift then yes. It was very rare indeed.”

You took the beer from him and took a sip yourself. You noticed he had his eyes glued on his phone, his expression gloomy.

“Is everything okay?”

He snapped out of it at the sound of your voice and turned his phone screen towards you.

It was Naeun, or rather a post on her instagram account. She had her tongue out in the picture, hugging two guys that were unfamiliar to you. You read the caption.

“One day the loser will realize that the diamond he thinks he’s playing with is actually a rock”

Jaehyun mumbled an apology. I guess he thought that you’d be a bit offended being called a ‘rock’ but you were actually feeling satisfied. Your fake relationship had managed to get her attention, and for Jaehyun’s sake, you wanted to rub it in her face even more.

You opened your camera app and placed your phone on the table next to you. He figured what you wanted to do so he sat up straighter and motioned to his lap. You’d normally be a bit hesitant to sit on him if it wasn’t for the two beers and your determination, that had fired up again due to Naeun’s words. Leaning back a bit, you set up the self-timer and he put his hands on your hips to stabilize you.

You had agreed on turning up the boldness of your pics, so you placed your hands on his neck, right under his jawline. He snaked his hands upwards and wrapped them around your waist, bringing you even closer. His eyes were glossy from the alcohol and he looked at you with an impressive calmness, considering the intimacy of your position. It seemed like he was waiting for something, the ticking of the timer urging you to take things a bit further and he nodded, as if giving you permission. You leaned in, and pressed your lips on the corner of his mouth, like you couldn’t decide on kissing his dimple or his lips.

After hearing the click you climbed down from his lap, and prayed that the photo came out in focus. Your heart couldn’t handle another retake. From the angle of the camera, it seemed like you were a couple in love, sharing a sweet kiss on the lips. You added a cute caption and tagged him, so he could repost it later on his own account.

It hadn’t been 5 minutes before your phone lit up.

yutassan replied to your story: what the fuck?

You smiled triumphantly and showed the message to Jaehyun, who laughed at Yuta’s reaction. He gave you an excuse about some forgotten homework and how it was late and he has to go.

“Remember, I’ll pick you up tomorrow from class, so wait for me”

After he left, you thought about your almost kiss and the dimples of his back for way too long.

——————————————————

You exited the classroom with a growing headache. The lesson today seemed extra boring, and all you could think about was that you had to convince Johnny that it really took just three days for Jaehyun and you to officially start dating.

As promised, the pair waited for you at the end of the hallway, your best friend looking at the two of you expectantly. Jaehyun was a good actor, you thought, as he approached you before you got to reach them, meeting you halfway.

“Hey baby”, he smiled at you, the nickname turning your legs into jelly. He wrapped one arm around your shoulder, and kissed your cheek sweetly, making Johnny coo at the two of you.

“I can’t believe that I hadn’t thought about pairing the two of you together earlier”

He must have thought that the awkward body language and the silence that fell was a sign from you and Jae to leave you alone. He excused himself, saying something about “letting the young lovers swim in the pool of their love”, or something along those lines.

The two of you walked together, following the road to your next class that was just a few buildings away.

“So how has class, baby

You rolled your eyes at the insistent nickname, “you know that Johnny left us, like, 5 minutes ago, right?”

“Let me enjoy itttt”, he whined, “Naeun never let me call her anything like that”

“Why is that?”

He looked at his feet moving and frowned in thought.

“She said I was embarrassing her in front of her friends. I think she just didn’t want other guys to know that we were together”

You felt a pang of sadness and you realized that it always followed any conversation you two had about his and Naeun’s relationship.

“Well then if you call me baby, I can will you honey. Or sugarplum. Or pumpkin pie. Or-“

It was startling how fast Jaehyun pressed you up against the wall. In just a moment, he had put his hands on your waist, burying his face in your hair. You shivered when you felt his breath as he spoke against your neck.

“Yuta’s watching us”

All you could do was stay frozen in place, and listen with wide eyes.

“Huh?”

He chuckled at your response, but he replied patiently.

“Yuta? Your ex? He’s right over there. Figured we should give him a show”

And with that, he kissed you. Everything was happening so fast, that you could barely comprehend that Jaehyun, that was a stranger in the past weekend, was now making out with you at the hall, for everyone to see.

And that included Yuta.

You opened your eyes in the kiss and searched for him, spotting him with his frat buddies. His eyes were piercing through the two of you, and you saw Mark holding him back by the shoulder. The look on his face was priceless.

Jaehyun pulled back and you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Thank you”, you whispered, “but I need one more favor”

“Anything baby”

“Slap my ass as we walk away”

Sure enough, Jaehyun took your hand and you continue your walk, momentarily stopping to make eye contact with Yuta and give you a little spank. It was something your ex loved doing on the rare occasion you two met up outside of your dorms, no matter how public the setting. You heard Mark yelling something at his ‘Yuta hyung’ and that’s when you thought, your plan just might work.

———————————————————

You didn’t see Jaehyun until your birthday. It was just a small get together, but your place was starting to get a bit crowded as time went by. Johnny had been suffocating you with hugs ever since he got there, reminiscing the time you met as teenagers and calling you an old lady. Jungwoo on the other hand couldn’t stop asking about Jaehyun. You kept making excuses about how he didn’t feel so good today and might not make it. You didn’t expect him to come, of course. Just because you had agreed on fake dating, it didn’t mean that he had any obligation to be present in all your social events. The loving message he left on your Facebook wall was enough to fulfill the purpose of your current relationship.

That is why, when you heard a knock on your door, the last thing you thought you’d see was Jaehyun holding a dozen of red roses.

“Happy birthday baby!”, he exclaimed and gave you a kiss on your cheek,

“I asked Johnny about your favorite flowers, hope we got it right”

Feeling speechless, you took the roses from his hands and inhaled their sweet scent. You were dumbfounded that he actually came, and even brought you a present. You thanked him for coming, and he repeated the same thing he said back at your place, “how could your boyfriend miss your birthday?”

And even you were fooled, momentarily, when he held you by the waist later that night and sang you happy birthday. You blew your candles and all you could wish for was a love like the one Jaehyun was faking for you. He helped you clean up, and was more than willing to socialize with all of your friends. You admired how well he fitted in your social circle, already friends with Johnny and Jungwoo, yet so nice that even people he met for the first time came to love him.

You were sitting on one of your dining chairs, your two best friends already passed out on your couch. They had brought two bottles of vodka and your favorite tequila, but you weren’t in the mood to drink. You couldn’t help but remember the time when you practically begged Yuta to be there on your special day and he still missed it. You were scared that if you got a little drunk you would text him, or worse, call him, his sweet talk bringing you back to him all over again.

The only sounds resonating through your apartment were Jungwoo’s light snoring and a chill Spotify playlist playing from your laptop. A familiar tune came on, and you recognized it being ‘Nothing’s gonna hurt you baby’ by Cigarettes After Sex. You immediately looked at Jaehyun, the only conscious person still at the party other than you. He threw his head back and sighed contently at the sound of his favorite song. You saw him get up and walk over to you, reaching his hand out.

“Will the birthday girl spare me a dance?”

You slow danced in the middle of your living room, ending the night in the sweetest note. Jaehyun always felt so stable, so safe. You wondered how he got himself tangled up in that mess of a relationship with Naeun. Maybe it was the way he treated people with such kindness, void of any prejudice. Maybe he was a little bit like you, and didn’t think he deserved much.

“She’s crazy” you mumble against his chest, his confused hum making you feel the vibration on your face.

“Naeun. She’s crazy for ever cheating on someone like you. You’re perfect”

“I have my flaws”

You thought about how competitive he got when you played beer pong earlier, how his ears get red when he gets embarrassed, how he shows his dimpled smile in apology when he’s late. His love for drinking and how it makes him more honest, his trust in people that must have gotten him hurt many, many times. You liked them all, you loved them all.

“It’s just so hard for someone not to fall in love with you”

———————————————————

And that’s how the days went by with Jaehyun. You met up almost every day, in restaurants for a nice dinner, or hanging out in each other’s dorm. It was so much fun getting to spend time with him, that you sometimes forgot to make your meetup public on social media. You helped him with his math homework, and he helped you dye your hair. You even went to his basketball game, and he dedicated one of his goals to you, following every teen movie cliche.

You felt a little sad how it was all falling to an end. The plan was successful, for the most part. Naeun had asked Jaehyun to meet up later tonight, talk things through. You wished he wouldn’t go back to her, but you knew you had no real say in his love life. Yuta saw that he didn’t own you, that there were people like Jaehyun that were willing to give you what your ex had promised you, but wasn’t able to give. Well, not really, you reminded yourself. Jaehyun was faking it. You shouldn’t let yourself get lost in the fairytale, even if the past two weeks were some of the best of your life. He had proposed that you claim that the reason for your upcoming ‘breakup’ was differences in character, but you decided to stay friends. You were happy that at least, in the midst of all this mess, you met someone like him.

It was Saturday, a day before the frat party. You had invited him over, celebrate the end of your relationship with some pizza and a movie.

The movie was boring, but Jaehyun made you laugh. It reminded you of the first time the two of you met up alone. You had gotten comfy on your couch, sharing popcorn when you noticed. A huge bruise was peeking out from Jaehyun’s tank top, the dark color contrasting against his porcelain skin.

“What the hell?!” you exclaimed and scooted closer to him. You rushed your hands on his chest, your fingers pushing the fabric aside to examine the bruise. You found even more bruises scattered around it, accompanied with scratches that stretched longer than his top could.

“It was from the game the other day”, he tried to excuse, but you weren’t buying it.

“Jae, I was there. You played basketball, not WWE. Now who did this to you?”

He sighed and fidgeted with a loose string on his jeans, clearly uncomfortable.

“When I caught Naeun with my roommate, and broke up with her, she didn’t take it very well”

You kept staring at him, urging him to continue.

“She started calling me names, saying that she’s the best I’ll ever have. That I’m worthless without her, just a social climber trying to mooch off of her popularity”

He motioned on his torso, “When I kicked her out of my place, this happened”

“Is that the first time she acted violent?”

He shook his head. “Pretty much every time she didn’t get her way”

“Jae”, you started, placing your hands on top of his “this is abuse. Have you ever talked to anyone about it?”

“It’s- it’s nothing. It’s embarrassing”

“No it’s not! Abuse is not exclusive to any gender! Guys get affected by it too!”

“It’s embarrassing because I know I can physically stop her but I don’t”

His eyes were starting to water, the sight was heartbreaking. “I sit there frozen and just take it”

“Why?”

“Because part of me believes her. That I’m hopeless without someone like her, dictating what I can and cannot do. I don’t need a shrink to tell me that it’s sick. I have these bruises to remind me”

You were starting to get angry. Angry at that bitch for hurting him, angry at Jaehyun who puts up with it, angry at you, for not seeing past the obvious like everyone else.

“I’m not letting you go see her tonight”

He laughs at you, putting up an invisible barrier between you.

“Not letting me? Wake up y/n! We’re not a real couple, remember? We’re just faking it to satisfy our selfish needs. This whole thing is pointless”

He stormed to the door and you tried to stop him, but he was too riled up for that.

“You’re going to forget about me as soon as this whole circus is over, just like everyone else”

“How can you accuse me like that when you haven’t even let me be a part of your life for real?”

“Because now you’ve met me. Me. With all my ugly, all my fucking bruises. Is it still so hard not to fall in love with me?”

With that, he closed your door with a bang, not even letting you answer that yes, it was impossible not to fall in love with Jung Jaehyun.

———————————————————

History seemed to repeat itself, as you got a text from him the next morning, that you didn’t expect.

jaehyunnie: let’s meet outside of the frat at 10:30, i’ll bring the booze.

And that’s what you did, showing up with your shortest skirt, spotting Jaehyun sitting a few meters from the frat’s entrance. He was laying against the wall, his eyes red, and he gave you the same smile he always did when he saw you, as if your fight yesterday never happened.

“Hey baby” he said and pulled you in for a hug. You couldn’t resist the invitation, and felt yourself melting in his embrace. He smelled like weed and shower gel.

It was nice, how he proclaimed your truce, but you still had to get something off your chest.

“Listen, Jae, about last night, you were right. This whole thing is pointless. We can go home, if you want”

“No baby”, he started and pulled away just enough to look at you. His eyes were droopy but glancing back at you with such care as he moved a strand of hair out of your face, “we’re here to have fun”

You wondered why he was still willing to come to the party with you as your boyfriend. Maybe he wanted to do you one last favor with Yuta, or maybe he wasn’t done indulging in Naeun’s petty games. You looked at his forearms, noticing a few scratches that weren’t there yesterday.

“I’m guessing you and Naeun didn’t make up last night”

He shook his head, and rubbed his hands on your back, keeping your temper down.

“Did you get in a fight?”

“Something like that”

You didn’t know what came over you. It was anger and protectiveness, possessiveness even. You laced your fingers in his locks, letting his head rest against the wall. If Naeun wanted you to speak in her language, then so be it.

You started kissing his neck, on that part on the side that is tender and sensitive. You heard passerbys whistling at the two of you, seemingly getting it on in public. Your licks and sucks weren’t meant for pleasure though, you had a goal and that was to leave a bruise. A statement for Naeun.

You walked in the building hand in hand and followed Jae to the kitchen, where he poured you a drink out of the bottle he brought along. Looking around, you sensed a couple familiar faces staring back at you from the crowd. Taeyong from class, Mark and Ten, and last but not least, Naeun. You downed the drink in one shot and lead Jaehyun to the dance floor.

He put his hands on your hips, and swayed you at the sound of some club song you weren’t familiar with. You ground your ass against him and he hissed, keeping you close against him. A little voice in your head was screaming how this isn’t real, to him this is all pretend, but you ignored it. You wanted her to think that he was yours, that she couldn’t hurt him anymore.

“Why are you doing this to me y/n? Yuta’s not even around”

Jae turned you around, and you put your hands on his shoulders. He looked absolutely breathtaking tonight. You searched his face for a flaw, yet couldn���t find any. You wouldn’t change a single thing on him.

“She’s here” you said venomously.

He buried his face in your neck, inhaling the smell of your hair and trying to ground himself from his high. “I don’t give a fuck about Naeun”

He kissed your ear and your mind fogged up even more.

“She didn’t ask me to meet up yesterday, I did. I wanted to tell her that she and I were done, for good. I thought she wouldn’t be here tonight, but I guess she changed her mind”

What?

“Then why are you here? And why did you let me give you that big ass hickey?”

He stopped nibbling on your ear, and whispered to it instead.

“I’d never miss up on a chance to feel yours”

The bodies dancing next to you, the liquer you had downed a few minutes ago and Jaehyun’s words were getting too much to handle. You felt suffocated, unable to distinguish where reality ended and pretending began with you two.

“Jae, I need a moment, excuse me”

Releasing yourself from his grasp, you made your way to the kitchen. There wasn’t any fresh air, but there was plenty of booze. You poured yourself a shot and as you downed it, you felt another liquid trickling down your top.

You looked up to find out who managed to make this night even worse for you, only to come across the last person you needed to see tonight. Yuta.

“Shit I’m sorry”, he muttered and you avoided eye contact, thinking you’d manage to get away without him realizing it was you. Luck wasn’t on your side tonight.

“Well well well. Long time no see.”

Confidence was dripping from his smile, to his stance, to the way he looked at you. He had dyed his hair your favorite color, his white locks begging to be tugged and played with. To top it all off, he smelled good, so, so good. He smelled dangerous. Comfortable.

You immediately realized that you didn’t have the self control needed to resist him. Turning on your heel, you started to get the hell out of there when he held your wrist, keeping you in place.

“Wait, I’m sorry, you can’t stay like this, you’ll catch a cold”

“Since when are you worried about me?”

“C’mon y/n, please. Come upstairs, I’ll give you a clean shirt. No funny business, I promise”

You hated yourself for this, but you followed him upstairs to his room, like a pray falling right into the hunter’s trap. He closed the door behind him, muting the loud music and you sat on his bed that you were so familiar with. Looking through his closet, he passed you one of his t-shirts, and turned around to let you change with some privacy. It was comical how chivalrous he was acting, considering the unspeakable things you’ve done in here.

“Not like you’ll see something you haven’t seen already”, you murmured and he chuckled, raising his hands.

“Hey, I’m a gentleman. It’s my fault, after all. I have a habit of getting you wet.”

Blushing at his comment, you quickly changed into the clean shirt and felt the bed dip next to you. You thanked him under your breath and started getting up, when you felt him hold you back once again.

“Stay, just a moment. I’ve missed you”

“What do you want?”

“You, baby”

Yuta was the one who said it, but you swore you felt Jaehyun’s voice reverberating through the nickname. Suddenly, it felt like there was no air for you to breathe.

“That’s not happening, Yuta. I’m with Jaehyun now”

He scoffed, “Jaehyun? Naeun’s puppy? Come on now, we both know you can do better than that”

“Don’t talk about him like that”, you bite back, but he doesn’t budge.

“What kind of boyfriend leaves his girl alone in a party like this?” He grips your chin, making you stare at him face to face, impossibly close. “Look at you. Every single guy in this party wants to fuck you. You expect me to be ok with this?”

Yuta lets his other hand glide on your knee, moving up to your thigh slowly. He smiled at how easy it was to focus on him.

“Do you remember how I made you feel? How I reminded you that you’re mine? You were moaning so loud, Mark thought you’d pass out. You loved it.”

You wanted to scream, tell him that this was the past you, that you couldn’t take going back to him once again and get your heart broken one more time, but you felt helpless around him. The warm feeling was only temporary, it would soon evaporate when you face the fact that to him, you are nothing but a play toy, a possession.

And that’s when Jaehyun barged in through the door. His eyes moved frantically from Yuta’s hands on your thighs, to his band tee you wore, to your discarded top on the floor. He quickly turned red, the color spreading from his neck to his face, then landing on his ears.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing with my girlfriend?”

You instantly got up, following his thought sequence.

“It’s not what it looks like! He spilled his drink on me and gave me a clean shirt and..and..”

“And you decided to sit on his lap to thank him?”, he mocked you and Yuta laughed.

“Calm down, dude. I didn’t make her do anything. Besides, it’s not the first time y/n found her way over here after some disappointing dick”

Jaehyun grabbed him by the collar and pulled him up from the bed, forcing him to stand and face him. You moved between the two, trying to stop the catastrophe that was about to happen. Jae might have more muscle power than Yuta, but if the whole frat ganged up on him he would have to leave this place in a stretcher.

“Jaehyun please, let’s just go. Baby, please”

The nickname was the only thing that brought him out of his rage and made him listen to you. He let go of Yuta and took your hand, dragging you out of the room.

You were two hallways down when you pulled away, forcing him to stop.

“Why did you have to get so mad?”

“Why the fuck did you go back to him?”

“I didn’t! It was just.. so hard for me to tell him no”

You felt your eyes water with how pathetic you sounded. Jaehyun rubbed his hands over his face, groaning in frustration.

“Don’t you understand how much it fucking hurts? To see you with that guy that treats you like shit when I’m right here, willing to give you everything? When I’m in love with you?”

You couldn’t process what he said because in a moment, his mouth was on yours. The kiss was so different than the one you shared at the hallway of your campus. It was passionate, it was rough, and this time, he monopolized your attention. His lips were determined to bruise into yours, leaving you breathless and causing your back to fall against a wall. It was crowded around you, eyes prying into your intimate moment but to you, the only person around was Jaehyun.

“You smell like him”, he growled, sucking on the tender spot under your ear, “makes me wanna fuck his scent off of you”

That was all you needed to hear. You led him to the frat’s guest room, knowing that Taeil always kept a spare key in the lamp next to the door. Unlocking the door seemed like a tour de force with Jaehyun leaving open mouthed kisses on your neck, but you finally managed to stumble inside. You locked the door behind you, continuing your heated kiss, hands roaming around each other’s body.

He was taller than you, so when you felt him grab your ass with such eagerness, you almost lifted off the ground. You palmed him through his jeans, the roughness of his hard on making your panties stick from wetness just a bit more.

“I want to taste you” you managed through kisses, but he just unzipped your skirt as a response, pulling it to the floor in one hasty move. Petting your clit through your underwear, a shiver ran down your spine, spreading goosebumps all over your arms and legs.

“I don’t think I have the patience for that”

He walked you backwards towards the guest bed, taking his pants and shirt off along the way. You sat on the edge of it and admired his godly proportions, when you took notice of the bruises and scratches that led to your fight on Saturday. Suddenly feeling the need to slow down, you started leaving kisses over each and every one of them. You wanted him to trust you, give in to you completely. He had his flaws just like he said, but you wanted all of him. And you wanted him now.

“I need you, now”, you voiced your thoughts and helped him take off his boxers, revealing his hard cock. He was thick and decently long, making your mouth water and your pussy clench.

Towering on top of you, he removed your panties that were embarrassingly damp at this point, and by his smirk, you knew he noticed.

Jaehyun bent your legs next to your torso, making you expose all of you. He licked his lips as he dove into your lower ones, muttering praises about your “pretty pussy”, turning you impossibly wet.

Jung Jaehyun never disappoints, you thought, because the moment you felt the first lap over your sensitive bud, you got a taste of heaven. He alternated between licking and sucking over the spot that turned you into putty against him. You were already unbearably turned on at this point, and the changing pace of his tongue made you lose your mind.

Your pants and moans only seemed to urge him on, and after a few minutes of his careful treatment you felt yourself getting close. He must have sensed it, because when you grabbed the bedpost in an effort to stop shaking, he stood on his knees, and reached for a condom in his wallet.

You didn’t have time to complain about the denial of your orgasm, and started taking Yuta’s shirt off, when he grabbed your hands and placed them back on their previous position on the headboard.

“Don’t”, he said sternly as he lined himself up your entrance, “I want to fuck you in his shirt”

There was no time to think about whether his request was healthy or not, because when you felt him stretch you out, the only thing on your mind was him and his dick.

You let out a deep moan and he took it as a sign to screw himself deeper inside you. Your pussy gushed uncontrollably, filling the room with the lewd sounds of skin slapping against skin. You unlaced your fingers and ran them down his back, ghosting them over the dimples that had affected you so much.

Jaehyun lowered himself, letting his chest touch yours, and you could feel his abs contracting over the fabric of Yuta’s shirt.

“I bet he’s never eaten you out like that, yeah?”

“N-no, never, ahh”

He sat up again, putting your legs over his shoulders and lifted your butt off the mattress, gripping your hips to steady himself before continuing his incredible pace.

“You’re mine, aren’t you baby? Mine to give you everything.”

The position felt divine. He was hitting it incredibly deep, reaching the spot that had you moaning so loud you were thankful for the unbearably loud music of the party. You were sure his fingers would leave a mark over your hipbones but you didn’t care, the pain only accentuating the warm feeling in your belly.

“J-Jae don’t stop - fuck don’t stop I’m gonna cum”

He leaned over, grabbing your face that was contorting in pleasure.

“Look at me when you cum for me”, he demanded, and when you rolled your eyes behind your head, letting go, he let out his first moan for the night.

He kissed your lips sweetly, helping you ride out your high.

“You’re so beautiful, my baby. So, so beautiful”, he praised and you submitted fully to him. He turned your body around, positioning you in all fours, and you wondered where the gentle boy you met at Johnny’s house went. His dick buried in you once again, spreading your juices around and the sensitivity of your previous orgasm made you aware of every single inch.

“So fucking tight”

Jaehyun didn’t go easy on you. He saw how much you liked it, how you were pushing your ass against his cock. He pounded in and out of you with the intention of fucking your thoughts out, and that’s just what he did. When the feeling got too much, and making any sort of noise seemed like a feat, you felt him push your hair back, and start biting on your neck, most definitely leaving a mark.

“I’m gonna cum. Fuck, I’m gonna cum”, he muttered, his voice wavering and you felt him release in the condom inside you.

It took a while for the both of you to regain your breaths. Jaehyun’s chest was heaving up and down as you rest your head on top of it, not brave enough to break the silence.

“I’m sorry”, he finally said and started petting your hair lovingly.

“About what?”

The bed was foreign and small but you both stayed still, wanting to bask a little more in the peacefulness of the moment.

“About getting so possessive, and saying all these things out of jealousy. I acted just like him..”

You kissed his left peck, listening to his heart that was starting to beat in a faster pace.

“Jaehyun, you’re nothing like Yuta. I get how you felt, I feel the same way when I think about you with Naeun”

He took your hand that was resting on his abs and planted a kiss on your palm. Your heart did a flip and you were pressed so close together, he sure must have felt it.

“I should have told you about her sooner. About the fights and how I let her go because of you. I was in denial about my feelings for you because-“

He stopped mid sentence, wary of the way his words would come off to you. Jaehyun was a proud man, but he opened up his heart tonight, admitting he was in love with you. He had already exposed so much of himself that you gave him the time he needed to organize his thoughts.

“Because I was insecure. That you would never like someone like me. That Naeun was right. That you were only interested in playing pretend with me and didn’t mean any of the things you said, and I let myself get carried away in a lie”

You and Jaehyun were two lost souls, trying to break free from the constraints your insecurities built up for you. You didn’t have to succumb to your masochistic tendencies anymore, wasting your time in heartless lovers because now you found him and he found you. Both unable to see any value in themselves, but more that willing to treasure the other. And that was enough for you.

“I’d be honored to be loved by someone like you. Baby.”

[celeste-clearwater-06]

Hello! I was wondering if you could please write something about how the Fellowship (+ Thorin?) Would help a s/o who's Disabled and Chronically ill. Like she has a lot of symptoms like chronic pain, chronic fatigue, difficulty sleeping, difficulty breathing at times, difficulty walking at times, higher sensitivity to the cold, difficulty talking at times, and anxiety, depression and executive dysfunction?

I've been really struggling with my chronic illnesses lately, namely my Autism, Anxiety, Sleep Apnea, a really bad Overbite, Raynaud's Syndrome, Asthma, etc, so I'd really appreciate an Imagine like this. I have a really weird disorder where one of my legs is longer than the other, and it's been causing me a lot of pain and difficulty walking lately, and people have been bullying me for it a lot too, so I could really use a Comfort Imagine right now. Thanks so much hun!!

It's no problem! I'm glad I can provide some comfort!! For each character, I'll use a specific struggling area, to make it a bit easier!! I hope I got these accurate enough, and of there are any mistakes, feel free to point them out!! You are strong, beautiful and so, so amazing!! Keep being you!! ❤❤

Help (The Fellowship// Thorin x Fem!Reader)

Aragorn (Autism)

Aragorn has known you for a long time, so helping with your autism is not new for him

He's particularly experienced in reading your emotions and meeting your needs, whether it's helping you out of stressful situations or calming you down, he's there 🥺

If there are large and boisterous gatherings in Rivendell, its almost guaranteed that you can become over-stimulated quickly, and Aragorn immediately senses this (spidey senses õoõ)

He's fast to find your hand and give it a gentle squeeze of reassurance

If that doesn't seem to help, he'll instantly stop what he's doing and take you out of the room

If you're someone who prefers lots of space and little physical contact, he is 100% respectful of this and asks if you'll let him touch or hug you (very much gentleman 😌)

If ever you're confronted by someone of importance, Aragorn is right by your side to ease some of the tension

Sometimes there are things you find difficult to say or get out of your system

The king seems to know exactly what it is and will help you out by saying it or asking you simple questions that you can easily answer

And he always reminds you, no matter WHAT

YOU ARE NOT STUPID 😤😡

You may struggle with some parts of your life, but every day, he's constantly telling you that you're very intelligent and kind

His patience is unending and he'll never let you think down on yourself

Overall, Aragorn is always someone and reminding you that it's all going to be okay ❤❤

Legolas (Anxiety)

Most nights, Legolas keeps watch (since elves don't require much sleep) and notices that you jolt awake out of the random

Now, most of the Fellowship notices that you're usually awake and ready to go before anyone else

But Legolas is really the one to address you first

You were a bit nervous to explain, since you didn't want to worry him or the great of the fellowship, amount the other disadvantages you have

He gently encouraged you, and finally, you explained to him your sleep apnea

Yeah, he was very concerned

I mean, his blue eyes widened with terror when you told him that you could basically die in your sleep if you weren't attentive enough 🙃

Legolas, from now on, sleeps directly next to you, or keeps extra careful watch over you at night

Because he could NEVER see his precious mortal friend become injured... Or worse 🥺🥺❤

The other members had noticed a change in his behaviors towards you as well...

Gimli teased him whenever he caught Legolas giving you some extra lembas bread or offered to carry you 👉👈

You really tried to assure Legolas that it wasn't a big deal when you were awake, since you're aware of your breathing situation

But still 😤

Legolas will always bring you comfort and take great care of you, and that will NEVER CHANGE

Because he loves you very much ❤🦋

Frodo (Anxiety)

Frodo is familiar with the feeling of great anxiety, seeing he had a stress-free life while living in the Shire and suddenly was forced to carry a piece of jewelry all the way to giant ass volcano

It's easy for you two to comfort each other and seek refuge in thoughts and feelings ❤

He's not super comfortable with the thought of you having a panic attack though...

Only because he's never had one

It starts to give him a panic attack whenever you have one around him the first time 😳-

Any time you begin to breathe heavy or hyperventilate, halfling boy is hot at your heels, rubbing your back and reminding you to breathe gently

(So many hugs, if you're up for it)

After you calm down, he's constantly checking on you, asking if you need anything etc.

Really, he just wants to know if he can help 🥺

And even with the weight and stress of carrying the ring, Frodo manages to cheer you up somehow

Samwise (Asthma)

Sam has never had to deal with asthma once in his life

He's very nervous when the subject is brought, afraid it might trigger something inside of you 🥺👉👈

But you just chuckle, assure him that it's alright, and you have ways of keeping it under control

And now, he wants to know everything about it, just to have the awareness in case something happens

Sam just wants to protect you forever, and this was a great way for him to start

He constantly reminds Aragorn that you'll need breathing breaks and will convince Gandalf to let you ride on his horse

He'll scold Pip and Merry if they are trying to drag you around and be silly, because as he says

"You'll rouse him/her/them up! We can't have Y/N gettin injured!" 🤨😠

Sam is MOM

As always, he's very kind and always makes sure your needs are met ❤🥺

Pippin and Merry (Raynaud's Syndrome)

Very confused halfings 🤔

Also extremely concerned!

You were eating one of the lesser pleasurable nights

It was cold and rainy, and a fire couldn't be started, not to mention the quiet arguments of Aragorn and Gandalf in the nearby woods

And Pip's eyes widened when he saw the tips of your petite fingers begin to pale upon hearing Aragorn mention Orcs

"What's wrong with your hands?!" He squeaked, pointing towards your now white-colored fingertips

You hadn't even noticed, nor felt, considering they were numb anyways

Merry looked over his cousin's shoulder and his eyes also widened, not with fright, but wonder

They were both fascinated with your condition, convinced that you were casting some spell Gandalf showed you

Although you reassured them it was just an extremely frustrating inconvenience that you had, among other things

So from then on, the disastrobus duo did their best to keep you out of the cold (and stressful situations!!)

As a distraction, the pair will tell you great stories of the shire, doing little dances and skits that always cheer you up 🥴

Sometimes, they can be a little rambunctious though...

Merry will pick up on this fact quickly, and nudge Pippin to get him to calm down

Even though it may not feel the best

They find your syndrome absolutely fascinating!! 🤔🤔

All in all, these two are always up for keeping your beautiful smile on your face and your spirits high!! ❤🌺

Boromir (Depression)

Throughout the journey, Boromir has always found an easy way to make you smile

After all, he himself has a fascinating way of brightening anyone's spirits

Yours included ❤

Boromir may not have great stories from The Shire, like Pip and Merry, but he sure has a lot of positive things to say

He'll often suggest sparring with the two troublemaking halflings, just so you can see him goof up and get knocked over 🥺

If the nights become cold and weary, he'll give you a warm hug or a nudge on the shoulder

And a few words of helpful encouragement along the lines of;

"Don't fret Y/N. You have more strength than you'll ever know."

"Let our spirits never dampen! We've come this far!" 😊

He's also an incredible listener

Boromir wants to hear what you have to say if you ever need to rant or get something off of your chest

And don't think for a second that he would ever judge you 😤

Son of Gondor sees past all of your insecurities and knows you for your beautiful, amazing self ❤❤

Gimli (Walking disadvantages)

As you travel across great plains and mountains, your limp doesn't go unnoticed by Gimli

It may take him a while to open up about it, since he's afraid he might offend you in some way

And once he asks you, you inform him that it's a difficulty that unfortunately cannot be changed any time soon

And where you come from, lots of people tease and bully you about it

He did NOT handle it well 😳

"wHAT BLUBBERING DULL-MINDED PIGNUTS-" 🤬

Although this Dwarf is short and a bit slow at times

He's fascinatingly strong 😳

And so, he makes it his duty to be your designated carrier 🥺

At first, your a tad skeptical...

I mean, he's only around 4 feet tall...

BUT HAVE YOU SEEN HIM THROW THAT HUGE AX AROUND?!

Gimli will happily carry you great distances when you need a break, and even longer

(Sometimes it's just to show off around the others-)

"Gimli, are you sure you don't want a break?"

"Aye lass! The strength of Dwarves is unending!" 😌

*struggling to breathe*

11/10, fantastic dwarf, will never let you down!!

Thorin (Executive Dysfunction)

Another Dwarf??

Absolutely

Thorin himself has trouble keeping composure with his time management (and sense of direction 🙄)

This means that he'll have an undying amount of patience for you and you only

There's just something about you that he fond of, and it fills in that little sassy, brooding place in his heart

Can also relate to you whenever you grow frustrated at the setback of your journey or lack of sleep

Is 100% willing to help you find your lost belongings (and once again, ONLY YOU)

Thorin will literally make the whole traveling party stop so that you can put something in your bag and make sure that you put it somewhere you'll remember

Always happy to give you extra gentle reminders of keeping your pack closed

The company is utterly SHOCKED with how he treats you

I mean, this man has always been extremely stubborn and hard headed

But when you show up, it's another person he can easily relate and share frustrations with

Also a master at organization?!? 🤔

The one thing he could do successfully was organizing the damn journey and traveling company, so ofc he's gonna be good at that 😂

Yeah, Thorin definitely has a soft spot for you

King under the mountain will never run out of patience and kindness for you 😌💙

Sorry these took so long!! I hope you like them!! ❤❤

[jeyramarie]

Midsummers- Pogues x OC

summary: it’s party time on Figure 8 which brings a ton drama and questions, as usual.

wc: 3,038

a/n: here it is!! believe me it’s gonna get crazier. happy reading 🦋

prologue~ pilot~ the lucky compass~ the forbidden zone~ spy games

Previously on good life… 

“Wait for me outside tomorrow.” Rafe nodded and she got out of the car quickly walking to her front door. Fallon waved at him before walking in, feeling dizzy from the special moment. The kook smiled and drove to his house as a certain pogue stared at the car. JJ stood alone on the street, holding flowers, completely shocked at what he had just seen. He wanted to go to Fallon to apologize for what happened but instead he showed up to see the kiss. He took a deep breath and walked around, making his way back home as he threw a dozen roses to the side of the road. 

The day finally came, with a bright morning sun and a cool breeze. Midsummers, a day where rich people gather in nice dresses and flower headsets to talk about their wealth. Of course, pogues were never invited nor allowed to go. It would be like putting a prey in its predator‘s cage. 

Kiara and Lani decided to get ready over at the Carrera’s. It was the kook’s first midsummers which gave her a lot of anxiety which caused the pogue to invite her. Lani didn’t know what to do with her hair, giving Kie the perfect opportunity to have fun with the kook’s curls. 

“So these are going on my head?” Lani asked as she held white flowers while sitting on Kie’s vanity chair while her hands were moving around the curls. 

“Yes, they are. Almost everyone wears them.” 

“What color are yours?” 

“Purple, I think. I’m not sure what color my mom chose.” Kie said, lifting her brow in confusion as she braided a section of Lani’s hair. They stayed in a comfortable silence the rest of the hair process, until the kook was about to start her makeup.

“So, what’s going on with you and JJ?” Kie timidly asked as she braided and pinned her own hair. 

“Um.. nothing’s going on. We’re just friends.” 

“I don’t know, you guys seem pretty close..” Lani turned her head to Kie and stared sincerely as she put down her powder brush. 

“Nothing’s going on, I promise. He’s like madly in love with Fallon anyway.” They chuckled and the pogue looked in the mirror feeling a bit more relieved. 

After an hour, both girls were done with hair and makeup which only left the dresses. Lani wore a satin yellow dress, similar to Kie’s but it had a lower cut on the back. Meaning that she couldn’t really wear a bra for it. They were gossiping over customers from the Wreck when Ana bursts through the door, quickly walking towards Kie’s bedside table. 

“Sorry girls, just borrowing some earrings.” she smiled as she tilted her head to put them on. Kie and her mom, out of nowhere, start to talk about what has happened after the storm. About how people over at the Cut don’t have water nor power and yet the Kooks are enjoying a party. Lani just sat there, looking at them arguing, not knowing where to go or what to do. Ana concluded the argument when she told them that it was time to go. ‘Finally.’ Lani thought as she grabbed her small purse and walked outside. 

When they arrived, everyone was piling outside waiting for the Cameron’s to arrive. The waiters were walking around, holding platters of small portioned foods as other’s held mainly alcoholic beverages. Lani spotted Pope first and nudged Kiara’s arm, making her look to find the pogue carrying things with his dad. As they went and talked to the pogue, Fallon stood outside waiting for Rafe. She tapped her heel against the pavement in a constant rhythm, feeling nervous about everyone’s reaction to her walking in with the Kook king. Especially her friends’ reaction (she didn’t care about Lani’s). 

“Are you waiting for someone, ma’am?” a voice asked, making her smile, knowing exactly who it was. 

“As a matter of fact, I am. I’m waiting for a tall, handsome man. Maybe you’ve seen him around?” Fallon said smiling as she turned around to see a grinned up Rafe. 

“You look… wow.” he said as he grabbed her hands, taking a better look. 

“You don’t look too bad yourself.” 

“Are you ready?” She nodded and intertwined her fingers with his as the Cameron’s began to make their entrance. Ward and Rose walked in first, then Wheezie, Sarah, leaving Rafe and Fallon for the end. The pogue looked around with a bright smile on her face as she walked out on the beautifully decorated porch. She stayed looking around for a bit until she saw her friends. All three of them looked at her with straight confused faces. 

“Fallon and Rafe? When did that happen?” Lani asked Pope and Kie who stayed looking at the pogue in shock. 

“I-I don’t even know what to think right now.” Kiara stuttered as her mouth stayed agape. They stared at them for a bit until the kook decided to change the subject. 

“Have any of you talked to JJ?” 

“No.” Pope said dryly, turning around to handle the food he was serving. 

“He's probably fine. He has the survival instinct of a cockroach.” Kie said, turning her face away from the Cameron’s to look at her friend, who had a worried expression. They ignored Fallon for the rest of the evening, not wanting to handle that situation at the moment. Lani stayed with Kiara drinking from their slightly alcoholic beverages when JJ showed up. The kook was explaining something to the pogue as she saw something from the corner of her eye, she turned as saw the blonde making her gasp. Lani gave Kie her drink and quickly went to the dance floor just when he was turning around to leave. 

“Lani!” “JJ!” they both said happily resulting in a chuckle which quickly ended when the kook saw the bruises on his face. 

“I was worried yesterday.. I’m pretty sure your dad didn’t tell you but I was the one that bailed you out..” 

“You bailed me out?” 

“Yeah, I- I just had to do something.” Lani said with sad eyes as she fidgeted with her fingers. Suddenly, he pulled her towards him by her shoulders and wrapped his arms tightly around her. She wrapped her arms around him taking in his beach boy scent. 

“I saw what he did to you… I don’t know what I can do to help but you’re always welcome in my house.. You know, if things seem to get out of control or something.” she muttered into his neck making him tear up. No one has ever been this kind to him, ever. 

“That’s enough, Lani. You have no idea how thankful I am.” he said and sniffled, then pulled away. 

“I have to do this shit for John B. I’ll see you later.” the kook nodded and watched as he jogged away, inside the house. Lani walked back to the porch and stood next to Kie who handed her a drink. The pogue turned her head to the side and saw a very (disgusting) explicit site. Fallon and Rafe were making out against the porch railing, in front of everyone. 

“Ugh, can they be more disgusting?” Lani turned her head as she drank her beverage, immediately choking on it. 

“Oh my god, he’s literally massaging her throat from the inside.” she coughed out putting her drink back on the table. 

“I still don’t know why or how that happened.” 

“I’m as clueless as you are, Kie.” 

“It’s disgusting really.” The pogue stared as she grew more and more uncomfortable. 

“Let’s just not look at it.. Okay?” Lani said, turning Kiara by her shoulder. 

“What did JJ want?” 

“I don’t know. He said something about him doing some shit for John B, I don't know.” she shrugged and before Kie could answer the same blonde was being taken outside by one of the guards. When Fallon heard the commission she parted away from Rafe and turned her head towards the noise. To see the pogue already staring at her in disappointment. JJ finally got out of the harsh grasp as he walked out into the dance floor, yelling all sorts of things. 

“Let go of him!” Kie shouted, making her parent’s head turn to her immediately. 

“You can’t boot him!” 

“Excuse me, ma’am?” 

“Really?” Mike asked angrily.

“I invited him here.” 

“Kiara, stop it.” Ana said with gritted teeth as she grabbed her daughter’s arm. 

“I am a member of this club.” The guard got so focused on Kiara and her “speech” that he did not realize that his grip on the pogue was beginning to loosen. Giving JJ the perfect opportunity to break away from the grip and start to jog backwards. 

“Sorry bout that. Hey, mandatory power hour at Rixon’s, Kie. Pope, Lani, you too.” He shouted pointing at all his friends until finally making eye contact with ‘his girl’.

“Princess, come on!” Fallon smiled and looked up at Rafe with sad eyes. She turned around and started walking down the stairs of the porch towards the dance floor where JJ and John B waited. Pope took off his apron and ran towards his friends while Heyward shouted at him to come back. Kie turned to her parents and apologized continuously as she walked backwards towards the stairs, ignoring their shouts. Fallon was almost with them when she saw Lani running towards JJ. 

She jumped into his arms and he gave them a twirl making her stop dead in tracks. The pogue stared as they smiled at each other with joy. JJ put the kook down and turned to make sure that Fallon was behind him. Once he saw her stand in the dance floor alone he stopped too and stared at her with nothing but sadness. Her eyes became watery with tears as she slowly turned around and walked back to Rafe who received her with open arms. JJ saw the whole thing, feeling his heart crumble as the Kook king hugged the love of his life. Rafe looked over Fallon’s shoulder to see the blonde still standing there, without a second thought he gave JJ a death stare to warn him. 

“JJ! Come on, man!” John B called out from the van when he noticed the blonde still far away. He snapped out of his trance and ran to the van quickly getting in. 

“My dad’s already going to kill me so can you please explain what’s this mandatory meeting for?” Pope asked, getting comfortable on the seat next to Lani. 

“Might as well tell them, man.” JJ said as he changed out of the suite he had worn to pose as a server earlier. 

“So.. the gold never went down with the Royal Merchant.” John B grinned as he switched his head from his friends back to the road. 

“Oh my god.” Lani muttered in annoyance as Kie rolled her eyes and Pope groaned. 

“Not this again, John B.” 

“Seriously, dude?” 

“Just hear me out, please.” He said as he pulled into a secluded part of the beach, between the trees. JJ got out first and started a fire while John B put down a few beach chairs and a big tree log. Everyone sat around the fire, staring at the kook who started explaining everything about the gold. It never left the island, about Tannyhill. Everything was smooth sailing until a certain name was brought to topic. 

“Sarah Cameron’s coming tonight-”

“Hold on, Sarah? W-why Sarah?” Kie said cutting John B off in the middle of his sentence. 

“Oh boy.” Lani muttered under her breath as she spread out her dress. 

“She.. um.. She got me into the archives in Chapel Hill yesterday. That’s how I got the letter.” The pogue said nervously as everyone stared. 

“You were in Chapel Hill?”

“He’s mackin’ on her.” JJ muttered looking at his shoes with his hands in his pockets. 

“I wasn’t mackin’, I’m just using her for access.” 

“There was access alright.” 

“J, stop.” The kook said softly as she nudged her head to the side signaling to the pogues. 

“Did you tell her about the treasure?” Kiara asked with furrowed brows as John B stuttered out an answer. 

“I was trying to get into the archives-“ 

“Is that a yes?” She yelled, feeling betrayed. 

“I left out key details!” He shouted back making Lani’s eyes open wide, no one expecting him to shout back. 

“What? You let a Kook in on our secret?!” He was about to answer as he pointed at Lani to make a point but her anger was louder. 

“What about Pogue Lyfe? What about our t-shirt company, bro?!” 

“I’m just using her for information.” 

“Why don’t I believe you?” 

“Okay, guys let’s just.. breath, okay? I get you’re both crazy annoyed at each other right now.” Lani said standing up as she looked back and forth between the pogues. 

“I’m trying to make us filthy rich here.” Then he moved on to explain what he’d do with the money. 

“You can’t trust her.” Kiara said, looking at the pogue with worried eyes. 

“What did she do to you, anyway?” The kook asked, ignoring the boys’ bickers. 

“She’s like… like a spitting cobra.” The pogue stated moving her hands to simulate the animal. 

“Cobra’s spit?” Lani whispered, leaning towards Pope. 

“Yeah they do, there’s like this tiny opening in their mouths-“ 

“Listen to me! Whatever we get she’s gonna try to take.” Kie shouted, interrupting Pope’s explanation. 

“I’m sorry about Fallon.” Lani said sitting next to JJ who stayed quiet for a while.

“Nah, it’s fine. Just… wasn’t expecting it, you know?” The kook nodded in understanding and grabbed his hand. 

“I know it’s hard but you’ll get through it.” The blonde smiled at Lani as his grip on her hand became tighter.

“Thanks.”

“No problem, J. I’m here for you.” 

After some more arguing between them, they all got into the Twinkie and started driving towards Hawk’s Nest. John B pulled up a bit far away, afraid someone would see him, and began to discuss the plan again before he got out. The teens were left alone inside the van giving Pope time to explain the whole spitting cobra thing. Minutes went by when screams were heard from afar, it sounded like Sarah. Lani noticed first and quickly climbed out of the van, making a run for it. John B had been pushed off the tower, landing flat on his back. Sarah was crying hysterically over him as she asked him to wake up but nothing happened. Pope called for an ambulance as JJ asked the Kook princess what happened on the tower. 

After what felt like hours, the ambulance arrived taking John B away with Sarah who had strict instructions on keeping the pogues updated. JJ drove Pope and Kie to their house which left Lani to be the last. She knew he felt bad about Fallon and Rafe but she felt the need to talk about it, as a good friend she is. 

“Are you okay?” She asked softly not wanting to startle the blonde. 

“Um, yeah..yeah. Why do you ask?” 

“That whole weird thing between Rafe and Fallon. I know you saw it too and I know you like her so..” 

“Yeah, it was weird but I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” He said, giving the kook a fake smile. Lani didn’t ask anything else since it was obvious JJ did not want to talk about it. All the way home, the only thing she could think about was if Fallon was thinking about the blonde the same way. 

“So what happened back there with Maybank?” Rafe asked as he sipped from his drink, standing next to Fallon who was leaning against the railing of the porch. Watching the employees clear tables, fold chairs and unhinged the fairy lights. 

“Nothing, just… I thought it was gonna go differently. I was wrong.” She chuckled dryly, turning to him. 

“I’m glad I stayed here with you though. I had a nice time.” Fallon continued, placing her hand on his chest and looking up at his blue orbs. Rafe smiled and slowly leaned down, giving her a passionate sweet kiss. 

“Can you drive me home? My mom already left.” 

“Yeah, you have to come home with me though. So I can get my car.” Fallon nodded and smiled, taking his hand. Rafe walked in front as they both made their way outside where Ward was waiting for them. The ride was filled with wandering hands, whispers and giggles. 

They walked into Tannyhill hand in hand as everyone went up to their rooms. Leaving them alone, playing with each other’s hands as the sexual tension grew faster. Suddenly, Rafe grabbed her cheeks with both his hands and pulled her into a kiss. Their lips moved in a perfect rhythm as Fallon’s hands went up his chest to the back of his neck, pulling him closer. They parted to catch their breaths with their foreheads together. 

“Do you wanna see a movie? In my room, it’s still pretty early.” Rafe said, looking at his watch and back at the pogue. Fallow nodded and he immediately grabbed her hand, both of them making their way up the stairs. She walked into his room in awe, feeling surprised with how neat it was. She stood in front of the shelves next to his dresser, staring at vintage car figures. 

“I didn’t know you collected things.” 

“Um yeah, I’ve bought one in every country I've visited. Some of them were my grandfather’s.” He said standing next to her as she continued to admire him. 

“I like them. They’re… cute.” They laughed and moved to the bed, sitting next to each other with their backs against the headboard. Rafe placed his hand on Fallon’s lap, grabbing her hand. She placed her head on his shoulder half way through the movie, making him peck her forehead. The pogue looked up at him and began to lean in. Their lips met in the middle in a soft peck, until it began to grow into something more intense. She slowly straddled him as his big hands went up and down her back, in search of the zipper. Clothes flew across the room as they explored each other's bodies under the covers. The movie was still on, giving them a bit of a background noise as their breaths got heavier. 

Most of the night consisted of heavy breaths and soft moans. The sun came through the window in the morning, shining on the messed up sheets. Rafe and Fallon laid in bed asleep until the pogue opened her eyes slowly. She looked around the room and down at her naked body, remembering the events of the night before. 

“Oh my god.” She whispered, running her hand through her hair in disbelief. 

good life: @ilovefandoms102 @agardenofbooks @cloverrover @lynlovesouterbanks

[piratewithvigor]

Eldritch Horrors Anonymous: A Wrestler Fic

Dr. Shelby's led plenty of support groups before and helped plenty of people in them. But these people aren't exactly people...

(I spent the last two days binging matches and assorted other videos to try and get the characterizations right, so let's see how this goes)

Plenty of bad crack below

When Dr. Shelby had been approached with the idea of running this group, he’d been… unsure. Possibly even apprehensive. He’d led groups for violent individuals before; anger management was the most memorable, but the coordinator nearly begged him to start this one. She’d had some of these individuals in other groups, but none of their problems truly seemed to stem from the focus of the groups they tried. They had a unique problem. A unique struggle that needed support from others just like them.

It was the night of the first meeting and he wasn’t quite sure what the outcome might be. The community center had been advertising it for the last few weeks and he’d heard about some interested parties, but the exact number was a little unsure. He’d been told a ‘handful’, which wasn’t frustrating as an imprecise number until it came time to set up the chairs in the room. Six seemed like a good number. A couple, but not too many. Colder drinks were set out on a table along the edge of the room. Nothing too hot. A lot of those coming had problems with heat. As well as with machinery. Some of them had habits with… well, with making it explode.

God, he hoped nothing exploded during this meeting.

The flyer stapled to the bulletin board said the meeting started at 6 and it was 5:55 when Dr. Shelby sat down in his chair opposite the semi-circle. The noticeably empty semi-circle. A part of him was disheartened that the room was empty, but a much more selfish part was deeply relieved. He’d spent a few days reading articles about these individuals and how best to help them. Unfortunately, not much research had been done besides describing the pain they inflicted in such gruesome detail that Dr. Shelby had felt the need to make himself a cup of tea.

But those were laboratory settings. This was a friendly support group. No one was being forced to be there, or even being paid. They were coming because they wanted to.

By 6:03, he was tempted to just start packing up. Maybe no one was coming. Maybe the group was a bad idea in the first place. He’d been told to wait until 6:05 for people to arrive, but even just two more minutes seemed like too many to just sit there.

He was shaken from his thoughts by the large metal door on the other side of the room creaking open slowly. A hand gloved in black leather wrapped around and Dr. Shelby tensed for a moment until the owner of the hand appeared. A pleasantly-dressed gentleman in a neat sweater, a short beard and his hair pulled back looked around the room before spotting Dr. Shelby and seeming to relax.

“Excuse me, is this Eldritch Horrors Anonymous?” He asked, smiling warmly.

“Uh, it’s supposed to be,” Dr. Shelby nodded. If anyone had shown up, he wanted to add, but bit his tongue back.

The man’s smile widened and he turned back from the room to call over his shoulder. “Found it, guys! We’re supposed to be in here!”

Guys? There were more?

Maybe the night wouldn’t be such a bust after all.

The man stepped inside the room and pulled open the door politely. Dr. Shelby couldn’t see the people until they entered, but it didn’t truly matter; no amount of time could have prepared him for the group joining him.

The first one to nearly skip through the door looked like a child at first glance. Definitely not an eldritch horror. She wasn’t much taller than one and with her long blonde hair pulled into pigtails and a doll clutched to her chest, she looked even more like one. She paused long enough to thank the man holding open the door before taking a seat in the middle chair of the semi-circle, directly across from Dr. Shelby. It wasn’t until she was fully seated that he got a proper look at her face. Her strikingly icy eyes were surrounded by thick black rings and every time the hairs in front of her face moved, Dr. Shelby swore he saw black liquid dripping from her scalp. The chill that went down his spine was either negated or enhanced by her wide, jubilant grin. He wasn’t sure which.

The man who sat beside her also seemed confusingly normal at first glance. A plain black t-shirt and leather jacket. Perhaps a little more… edgy than Dr. Shelby would have preferred to dress, but he seemed like an equally charming young man.

Unfortunately, a pattern of three seemingly normal people did not necessarily mean the group would be.

The next one to enter the room had to quite literally duck to pass through the door. Dr. Shelby guessed him to be seven feet tall, give or take a few inches. He was wearing a black suit that covered most of his body, save for his face, which had its own covering of a deep red mask. He didn’t smile like the others had so far. Not even a polite half-smile of acknowledgment. Just sat down in one of the chairs that looked like it might prove to be a little too small.

Dr. Shelby had been so focused on keeping his expression steady while watching the masked member of the group that he hadn’t noticed one final member sneak in through the door and sit on the other side of the circle. He had an oversized alarm clock clutched in one hand, a paper bag in the other and a steady, intense smile in Dr. Shelby’s direction. Though his face was just as covered in red, he seemed to be the exact opposite of the stoic masked member.

“I think that’s everyone,” the man holding the door declared, taking one last glance down the hall before starting to let it go. He was intercepted by a gloved hand pushing back against the door.

“I’m so sorry I’m late.” A final member slid in, face covered in white and black paint and a long leather coat stretching to his ankles. “All the hallways here look the same.”

“We had that problem too,” the man holding open the door nodded. “Kept walking around in circles trying to find the room. And it didn’t get much easier after the flyer got a hole burnt through it right where the room number was listed.”

“I said I was sorry,” the masked member grumbled.

Oh God, he burnt things unintentionally?

“Don’t worry about it, you’re all on time,” Dr. Shelby interjected, hoping to avoid any conflict between the members before the meeting had even technically started.

The final two men took their seats. Six? Not a bad turnout. Might as well get started.

“Welcome everyone, my name is Dr. Shelby.” A collection of polite nods came his way. “Now, you’re all here because you face the same struggle every day and you wanted to meet people like you. Am I right so far?” Everyone nodded again. “Good. I’ve led a lot of support groups just like these and almost everyone in them has felt major improvements knowing that they have a safe place to share their feelings every week. Why don’t we go around the circle and introduce ourselves and share what brings us here?”

It was always a risky move. Especially with brand-new groups. Some of them were bound to be a little more shy or wouldn’t really want to participate until they felt more comfortable with the other members. Dr. Shelby hoped there would at least be one outgoing one amongst them.

Dr. Shelby knew he wasn’t masking his fear very well. He’d perfected the perpetual smile; it was necessary when leading support groups, but he couldn’t always control his eyes.

The group all looked amongst themselves before the man in the sweater held up his hand.

“I can get the ball rolling,” he smiled, standing up. “My name is Bray and for the last few months, my body gets periodically taken over by my dark half named The Fiend, an entity whose sole objective is to cause as much pain and suffering to those around him as physically possible.”

“Thank you, Bray,” he tried to say with as even a voice as possible. “Who’s next?”

“I’ll go,” the girl smiled, standing up with a flounce. “My name’s Alexa and this is Lilly.” She spun the doll around to reveal the most grotesque face Dr. Shelby had ever seen. He wasn’t certain from across the circle, but it looked like the teeth sewn into the mouth were real. “The Fiend showed me the way into the darkness, and Lilly took it from there.”

This is normal for them. It’s not going to help anyone here if you start looking like you’re scared.

But darn, is that doll ever creepy.

The man with the red face paint stood up next.

“I’m the Boogeyman!” He grinned with wide eyes, looking around at each member of the circle erratically. It was only as he began to move around that Dr. Shelby noticed the paper bag he was clutching seemed to be dripping some kind of dark liquid.

“Thank you for introducing yourself… Boogeyman. If it’s not too personal, do you mind if I ask what’s in your bag there?”

“Worms.”

“Worms?”

Boogeyman unrolled the bag and pulled out a handful of dirt-covered, very much alive earthworms before shoving said handful into his mouth. No one around the circle seemed all that disgusted. Like it was a regular Tuesday evening for them. Except for the man with the white face paint who seemed like he was as pale as a ghost underneath.

“I’ll, uh, that’s fine for this week, Boogeyman, but I’ll please ask you to leave your… worms at home next week. We’re not really supposed to have food in this room to keep it peanut-free,” Dr. Shelby explained, holding back the sick feeling knotting his stomach. “But if anyone is thirsty, I’ve got bottles of water and juice boxes on the back table. Feel free to help yourselves.”

Boogeyman nodded and carefully put his worms back into his bag as he sat down. The man with the white face paint immediately raised his hand.

“Yes, your name is…”

“I think I might be in the wrong place.”

Dr. Shelby looked him over. He didn’t look eerily normal like Bray, and he didn’t seem to have brought a bag of worms as a snack. Looked like he fell somewhere in between.

“You seem like you’re in the right place. This is Eldritch Horrors Anonymous; I don’t know where else you’d be tonight.”

The man’s expression changed from nerves to sheepish understanding. “I thought this was Troubled Goths Anonymous. I couldn’t find the flyer and followed Boogeyman in. My mistake.”

Dr. Shelby nodded understandingly. “Right room, wrong day. Troubled Goths Anonymous is Monday nights.”

The man stood to leave with his hands up apologetically. “It was great to meet you all, but I don’t belong here. Best of luck to you… eldritch horrors.”

“Oh, be careful when you come back on Monday. That’s also when they host Troubled Punks Anonymous. Very similar groups, but people seem to have very strong preferences of one over the other.”

The man nodded and left the room as Dr. Shelby turned back to the remaining members. “Some of you came here from those groups, right?”

“Troubled Punks Anonymous kicked me out a few days ago,” Bray sighed, his perpetual smile dropping for a moment. Everyone murmured their sympathy and Alexa patted him on the knee. “It’s alright, though," he continued. "You all seem like a much better fit so far.”

“That’s the point of this group,” Dr. Shelby smiled. “Now who’s next?”

The man in the leather jacket looked towards the man in the mask before shrugging and standing.

“M’name’s Finn. Sometimes the rage o’ battle brings out the Demon King Bálor from within me ‘n with the openin’ o’ his great eye, enemies are laid to waste a’ his feet,” he explained, about as casually as one would talk about what they did over the weekend.

“Glad to have you here, Finn.” It was getting easier to digest the stories of the people around him as he heard more. Maybe he’d even be able to hear the last one without faking the comfort of his smile. “And last, but certainly not least…” He turned towards the masked man expectedly. There was no smile, polite or otherwise. But he also didn’t seem like he was hesitating because he was shy. Just… grumpy.

“You don’t have to introduce yourself if you don’t feel comfortable, but we’re still a small group and as far as I can tell, all very friendly,” Dr. Shelby pushed a little further. The other members nodded in agreement. Even Boogeyman, who had snuck another worm from his bag into his mouth.

“Fine,” he grumbled, standing up. “I’m Kane. I’m the devil’s favorite demon. I grew up in a basement, suffering severe psychological and emotional scarring when my brother set my parents on fire. From there, I shifted around a series of mental institutions until I was grown, at which point I buried my brother alive... twice. Since then, I’ve set a couple of people on fire and abducted various co-workers. Oh, and I once electrocuted a man’s testicles. Years ago, I had a girlfriend named Katie, but let’s just say that didn’t turn out so well. My real father is a man named Paul Bearer who I recently trapped in a meat locker. I’ve been married, divorced, broke up my ex wife’s wedding and attacked the priest and for reasons never quite explained, I have an unhealthy obsession with torturing Pete Rose.”

Okay, maybe they can get weirder.

“Thank you… Kane.” He paused a moment before remembering back to the list that he’d been given a few days before. “That name sounds familiar; I think I was told to expect you, but they said you might be coming with your brother.”

“Probably won’t happen.”

“Why not? Is he not an eldritch horror?”

“He is. He just won’t come. Has better things to do.”

“Like what?”

“He said ‘watching paint dry’.”

“Maybe when you see him again, you can tell him we’re more fun than watching paint dry,” Alexa suggested, bouncing Lilly on her lap.

“That’s right. And that goes for all of you,” Dr. Shelby mentioned. “If anyone knows someone who might need a support group like this, go ahead and invite them. This isn’t Fight Club; it doesn’t have to be secret.”

The group chuckled a little at his attempt at a joke. Even Kane cracked a small smile.

Dr. Shelby relaxed a little in his seat. These people might dress strangely and have bizarre interests, diets and backstories, but deep down, they were just like anyone else. Maybe he could help them after all.

[ravnicaforgoblins]

Ravnica for Goblins

Exciting Planeswalker Visitors

(Caution: Before we begin, this post is going to be much more opinion-based than previous ones. These are my own homebrew ideas, use them as/if you wish, discard/dismiss them if you prefer.)

Planeswalkers are an integral part of MTG Lore, as well as several of its most iconic characters. Put simply, a Planeswalker is an individual with an inherent gift for traveling between planes, or worlds. The gift does not appear at birth, but is usually triggered by some manner of incredibly emotional (usually traumatizing) event. In addition, each Planeswalker displays a unique aptitude for a particular style of magic; be it plant growth, transformation, becoming transparent, illusions, invulnerability, summoning beasts, structural analysis, setting things on fire, etc. Whatever their specific brand of magic is, it’s usually on a higher level than an ordinary person can hope to achieve.

Planeswalkers, as a general rule, are wanderers by nature. They may have a home plane, or even an adopted home plane, but being able to traverse the multiverse leads many towards lives of constant adventuring/shenanigans. Add in the fact that Planeswalkers cannot bring anyone else with them on these travels (except in very rare cases), and you end up with a special breed of super-powerful magical loner. They show up, make a name for themselves with their big magic, and depart when they feel like it. Did you say, “Instant Adventure”?

Ravnica has a few native Planeswalkers among its citizens; Ral Zarek, Vraska, and Domri Rade. In addition, it has several Planeswalkers who have at some point or another (depending on your timeline) devoted enough time & energy to be effectively considered citizens; Azor, Tezzeret, Kaya, Dack Fayden, Dovin Baan, Gideon Jura, and Jace Beleren. Some of these are currently dead, missing, or magically barred from ever returning. At one point, Ravnica had more Planeswalkers on it at one time than any plane in the multiverse has ever or will ever see. If you are going the War of the Spark direction, good luck. You'll need it and so will your players. For everyone else, which Planeswalkers you choose to include in your campaign (if any), should be based on who will work the best for the story you’re trying to tell. A recommendation; if you find their lore too distracting and complicated, stick to the main beats. A lot of these figures can be boiled down to simple ideas, and you don’t want to bore your party with the entire novel of these usually dramatic/tragic lives. Trust me, the base concepts are enough.

With that in mind, here are four Planeswalkers that I, a random person on the internet, believe would work great for a Ravnica campaign. My choices are not based on who has canonically already spent time in Ravnica, or who would be the most powerful/dangerous to suddenly appear in the city. Several Planeswalkers have their own prior commitments on other planes that are pretty central to their character, and BAMFing them to Ravnica for a quick Bad Guy to take down wouldn’t do them justice. These four characters would slide into various aspects of Ravnica beautifully. These four would be the most exciting visitors to Ravnica.

Ashiok, Dream Render

I don’t think any MTG character could be as good a fit for a Ravnican Guild as Ashiok is for House Dimir. Ashiok is almost literally a walking shadow of secrets and intrigue. Their origins, their age, their motives, their face; hell, their gender is a secret yet unrevealed. Ashiok’s power is creating living beings born of the greatest fears stolen from people’s nightmares. Literally.

It’s like if the Dimir stopped half-assing the art of stealing thoughts and turned it into a weapon of mass destruction. Because even the mightiest of Ravnicans are afraid of things. Ask Niv-Mizzet about the Nephilim sometime, see how quickly he changes the subject. What’s better, for a Guild that prides itself on always having the up & up on everyone, Ashiok is inscrutable. They have no past that can be divined, no secrets that can be stolen, no previous encounters to prepare any for their arrival. Neither Lazav nor Etrata can claim such anonymity, despite their best efforts. Ashiok is a true enigma and a dangerous new weapon for House Dimir.

Ashiok also comes with the ability to create minions and NPCs from out of any PC’s worst nightmares, making encounters a great combination of roleplaying & combat. Fighting them is specifically facing one’s deepest & darkest fears made real. Can you say, “character development”?

Ashiok’s arrival could spread this new magical art to other Dimir Agents for a longer campaign, but it might be best to confine it to Ashiok in order to allow for a cleaner victory. Ashiok is not a fighter, cornering them into a direct confrontation should be enough to make the Nightmare Sculptor run for the hills. The mind is powerful, but also very squishy.

Tibalt, the Fiend-Blooded

You know how the Cult of Rakdos are technically Chaotic Evil but generally just a bunch of artsy hedonistic nuisances? Tibalt is to them what a gallon of gasoline would be to a lit stove. Good for fire, bad for everything else. Tibalt is an empath specializing in Pain Magic. Quite literally, he loves hurting people for fun. Drawn to pain like a magnet; physical, emotional, spiritual, psychological, etc, he is sadism personified.

His brief time on Ravnica during War of the Spark was enough to make a strong impression on the Rakdos.

“I like this one’s energy.”

This is because they do not realize how bad Tibalt would be for the Cult. There is a fundamental difference between the Chaotic Evil the Cult practices and the Chaotic Evil Tibalt delights in. The Rakdos have survived 10,000 years by taking in the freaks, the rejects, and the crazies, and giving them a place where they can live out their most depraved hedonistic fantasies. They are the voice of the outsiders bringing all figures of power & authority down a peg. They always punch up, never down. Tibalt is a young man with no home, no friends, no job, and no interests or hobbies beyond inflicting pain in as many people as possible. Tibalt punches everyone. The most important distinction between the two is that the Cult of Rakdos is a culture, a way of life for people to embrace; it might be crazy, but it welcomes & accepts people no matter how insane the world says they are. Tibalt does not care about anyone but himself. Following his example would see the city turned into the largest, bloodiest, and most destructive riot in its history; with Tibalt inciting and sicking every monstrosity he can find onto the city at once. He will burn the Rakdos candle at both ends and leave them to suffer the consequences of his fun. The aftermath being the city in ruins, the Cult wiped from the face of existence, and him moving on to his next project. In short, Tibalt will hurt the Cult of Rakdos as much, if not more, than the rest of Ravnica. Because that’s how he gets his kicks.

The one thing standing in his way will be Rakdos himself. As the single largest diva on the entire plane, Rakdos does not tolerate anyone who tries to steal his spotlight. As a 10,000+ year-old Demon Lord, Rakdos is in a league of his own, and Tibalt is just a hotshit little pain mage with a few tricks. It’s not a fight, it’s either an exit or a curtain call for the Planeswalker. If Rakdos is around, Tibalt’s spree will be very short-lived. If, however, Rakdos is doing his usual thing of hibernating for weeks, months, or years at a time, that’s a different story. Tibalt is good for if your campaign wants to bypass politics & intrigue and go straight to killing Cultists & Demons. He’s bad for anyone he comes in contact with.

Garruk Wildspeaker

In case I haven’t made my contempt for Domri Rade clear, I hold Domri Rade in utter contempt. As a character, as a Planeswalker, and most of all as a Gruul, he’s a failure. Scrawny, weak, gullible, and stupid. My chief grievance with Domri is that he fell short in all the areas the Gruul Clans idolize. He couldn’t survive in the wilderness on his own without his Planeswalker abilities, he couldn’t fight for himself except against weaker opponents or with herds of animals as backup, and he acted on orders from someone else who wasn’t Gruul. For a Guild built on independence and survival of the fittest, he failed both completely.

Garruk is the real deal. Gigantic, strong, savage, and cunning. Here is a man who, on a fundamental level, has embraced animal savagery as a way of life. He lives like a predator on the hunt, an alpha of any pack, and a fierce threat to all who intrude upon his territory. On a plane like Ravnica, where civilization has encroached on the untamed wilds almost completely, Garruk would be a gamechanger. Not only could he feasibly fight Borborygmos for leadership of the Gruul, he could win, and he could unite the Gruul under his howl of reclaiming the wilds from so-called “civilization”. Garruk would bring animal strength to the Gruul in ways they’ve only begun to tap into, and he’d do it in their language. Because Garruk understands the Gruul, and they understand him. They have so much in common with each other that it’s hard to think of any Planeswalker who could be welcomed so readily into a Guild. They would become so much more than rock-smashers and anarchists, they would become Ravnica’s reminder that nature will survive when all traces of society have crumbled away.

As if taking on the city itself wasn’t big enough already, Garruk has also taken to hunting other Planeswalkers, and can actually track them across the Multiverse. Meaning a few high-ranking members of Guilds and even the Living Guildpact have to take his threat seriously. He’s got a particular grudge against necromancers, dislikes talking, and has a special gift with animals of all varieties. All of which provides plenty of ideas to build from. He’s an 8ft tall Human Druid/Barbarian who willingly chooses animal savagery over intellectual reasoning, can there be anyone more perfect for the Gruul?

Did I say Ashiok was the most perfect fit for an MTG character in a Ravnican Guild? Yeah, scratch that. Garruk is.

Sarkhan Vol

Most Planeswalkers have a theme to their abilities. For some, that theme extends to their personalities as well. And then there are Planeswalkers who can be adequately summed up in a single word. For Sarkhan, that word would be “dragons”. Sarkhan sees dragons as nature’s purest & most destructive form, and carries a fascination with them that is perfectly healthy for anything with wings and scales that breathes fire, but generally less healthy for everything & everyone else.

One of the things that makes Ravnica unique is the distinct lack of dragons (emphasis on the plural). Ravnica has a dragon, Niv-Mizzet the Firemind, who made the executive decision thousands of years ago that he alone was sufficient to represent his entire species. Ravnican dragons are considered more intelligent than dragons on other planes, Niv himself being a prime example of this. Around the original signing of the Guildpact, Ravnica’s Godlike dragons were hunted to extinction, with Niv leading the hunt against his own kind. They were not entirely successful in this endeavor, but what few dragons do remain in the present day survive by staying as far off Niv’s radar as possible. Some dragons live by carrying out Niv’s will under constant supervision, or by hunting in the untamed wilds outside the city, or as sideshow attractions for the Rakdos (usually with their wings cut off to prevent escape). They are effectively stripped of anything that would identify them as “dragons” for the sake of their own existence. Since dragons are such a notoriously touchy subject for the Firemind, few have the nerve or fire immunity necessary to speak out against it.

Sarkhan would be horrified. If he thought the extinction of dragons on his home plane of Tarkir was bad, seeing them living like this would infuriate him beyond words. What would Sarkhan do once the initial shock of seeing his spirit animal (in more ways than one) reduced to pitiful scraps of life as lab rats, scared prey, and freak shows wears off? Let’s make it a game! Do you think Sarkhan will:

A. Cry.

B. Throw up.

C. Embrace this as a plane’s reality that he has no right to get involved with.

D. Scream.

E. Set something on fire.

F. Set everything on fire.

G. Bring back the dragons.

H. Burn the city to the ground with dragons.

I. Kill Niv-Mizzet.

J. All the above except “C”.

If you selected Answer “J”, then congratulations! You’ve just won a free trip to a BURNING METROPOLIS! Sarkhan will absolutely make it his life’s goal to bring dragons back to Ravnica and destroy the whole wretched city down to the last brick. How he would do it is up to you, but it’s a solid bet that even if every other Guild treats him like an apocalyptic madman, the Gruul might side with him over some shared beliefs in smashing the city apart with ferocious animal savagery. They tend to lean towards such ideas with uncharacteristic willful compliance. Ravnican dragons are primarily red, with the most prominent breed still remaining being the Utvara Hellkites beyond the city limits.

Oh, and Sarkhan can turn into a dragon, too. Have fun with that.

[rockcoins]

   𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋

 Name: Ryder Ashford

 Nicknames: Ray or Ryde ( by his former classmates )

 Date of birth: December 4th ( Sagittarius ♐︎ )

 Age: Died on his 16th birthday

 Gender: Male

 Spoken Languages: English

 Education: 10th grade

   𝐏𝐇𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐋

 Hair color: Bronde ( Brownish blonde )

  Eye color: Cadet gray

  Height: 5'7" / 170 cm

  Weight: 116 lbs

  Facial features: Freckles and a small mole underneath his right eye.

  𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘 

Hurricane, Utah: Ryder Ashford used to be a very well known name in the small, friendly and usually very quiet neighbourhood he used to live in, both for good reasons and bad reasons .. well, mostly bad reasons. Ryder was known to be the ‘troublemaker and noisy’ member of the Ashford family, and that ever since he was born, everything changed drastically inside that neighbourhood that once used to be so calm and quiet. The mischievous schemes this kid came up with and the pranks he constantly pulled on his neighbors were too many to count, literally the only people he didn’t prank or annoy in any way were his two older sisters that he loved endlessly: Julia and Kaia. But if he ever targeted somebody outside of his family it was over for them. It got so bad to the point where his former neighbors had to move away. Not even the poor mail man was safe from him.

As he grew up, however, he began toning down his chaotic behavior .. but not fully giving it up obviously, he was still a ruckus. Ryder has always had a big passion for videogames ever since he was 5 years old, and his parents always spoiled him by buying him every single popular videogame that came out and then proceeded to brag about it with his classmates. He especially loved to play videogames with his two favorite cousins Jack and Sarah, who came over to his house every summer. They mostly played videogames every single day after a morning at the beach  ..  sometimes even late at night, without being caught obviously.

Whenever it came to birthday parties, Ryder always used to throw parties at his home where he invited his classmates and his cousins, but he decided to make a little change for his 16th birthday. A brand new, shiny pizzeria had just opened in Hurricane, and it soon became incredibly popular among children and teenagers: ‘Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria’. Needless to say Ryder was ecstatic about the opening of this brand new pizza place, and wanted to be one of the first children who celebrated their birthday. He was mostly excited about seeing the animatronic mascots who were going to be the main entertainment, he’s always had a thing for robots .. mostly because he spent his entire childhood playing videogames with enormous, cool looking robots with laser guns all over, but he knew those weren’t going to be that way. After a few days of begging his parents, they finally allowed him to celebrate his birthday at Freddys. At the party were his parents, his older sisters, almost every classmate of his, and his two favorite cousins Jack and Sarah. The first thing Ryder noticed once he walked in the pizzeria for the first time were the shiny animatronics, standing tall on the stage and greeting all of the children .. but he was especially fascinated by the leader of the crew: a chubby brown bear with red cheeks, a black top hat and bowtie, and bright blue eyes: Toy Freddy.  It reminded him of a little teddy bear plushie his grandma made for him a few weeks before her death and that he hasn’t removed from his bed ever since.. so of course Ryder immediately got attached to this giant animatronic, he spent the whole party standing in front of the stage and talking to him with his friends. The party went on smoothly, everyone had an amazing time! His classmates formed a few groups while Ryder spent most of his time with his cousins.

Nothing was going wrong, everyone was happy, everyone was laughing, and nobody could have imagined that an innocent teenage’s party was going to turn into a tragedy.

Ryder has always been the exploring type of child, he was always too curious about everything that happend around him, and sometimes he found out about things he wasn’t supposed to know. During a moment of boredom, Ryder suggested to ‘check out’ the new pizzeria with his two cousins, and by ‘checking out’ he meant sneaking inside the backrooms and ‘employee only’ rooms to see if there might be more animtronic robots. His cousins, being just as troublemakers as Ryder, immediately accepted. It didn’t take them much to sneak inside the depths of the pizzeria, the employees seemed distracted and disinterested most of the time, and didn’t really pay attention to what was happening around them. The first room that caught their eyes was an unlocked storage room, its door ajar for reasons they couldn’t understand. Inside of this storage room were a bunch of animatronic masks and various animal suits, with a few metallic objects like bolts and wires abandoned here and there. Those eyeless and expressionless animal masks looked incredibly creepy, and the darkness of the room did not help..some stood on top of a small table, while a few others were put on top of metal shelves. Jack suggested going back to the party before someone caught them in there and they all ended up in trouble, but they were all soon going to find out that something worse awaited them. Something far worse than being scolded by their parents. As they turned around to leave .. a figure stood in front of the door, motionless.

   A yellow rabbit suit.

Ryder and his cousins were blocked inside the room by this yellow rabbit standing on the door with a wide, creepy smile plastered on his furry face, and a horrible penetrating gaze fixated on them. Ryder tried to scream, but his voice was stuck in his throat.

‘  Happy birthday, Ryder. ’

That was the last thing he heard, before the yellow rabbit began moving towards them. The door slamming shut, swallowing the four of them in darkness .. and then, a pained scream.

When Ryder woke up, he could not move. All that he could do was move his eyes. Everything around him was dark, but he could make out a few birthday tables and party hats resting on top of them. He felt like he was suffocating, he couldn’t move any of his limbs or his face. It almost felt like one of those sleep paralysis where all you can do is move your eyes but be completely still. As he turned his gaze on the right and on the left, he noticed two animatronics standing beside him. Toy Bonnie and Toy Chica, both completely motionless. he was in the middle of them. Where was Toy Freddy? He was missing, he -- that’s when he realized it. He turned his gaze down, and noticed that black bowtie..

He had become one with the bear, he was stuck inside the bear and he could not move. Ryder was dead, that yellow rabbit had killed him and his soul was now stuck inside his favorite animatronic, the first one he noticed when he walked inside the pizzeria for the first time, the one he got so attached to. Ryder could not control the animatronic’s body, he didn’t know how. He didn’t know what to do. He just wanted to see his family again, his sisters, his cousins, they were all taken from him.

Many years went by, and Ryder always remained inside that chubby toy bear. He had learned to control the bear eventually, but not immediately. He felt so heavy, and every second felt so suffocating. He got used to the sensation eventually, but the pain never left, it remained with him for years.

Then, a change. A change that he did not expect and caught him off guard. The animatronic that hosted his soul for all these years got scraped, which means he was completely dismanteled and used for something else. Despite all the tragedy that took place inside that pizzeria, the owners still decided to have this hellish place up and running once again, and create new animatronics by recycling the pieces from the older ones. Ryder felt relieved, he felt that maybe if the suit that trapped him got dismanteled, his soul would finally be free to go to heaven, but that unfortunately wasn’t the case. He couldn’t understand what exactly attached him to this toy animatronic, but his soul remained somehow stuck to him, even as his parts were being used to create a brand new animatronic. Soon, Ryder found himself once again trapped inside an animatronic similiar to Toy Freddy, but with a different shape, face, colors, and a big star on top of his chest.

    Rockstar Freddy.

[kimjoongs]

ateez playing genshin

hongjoong

mains: albedo and mona

initially wasnt interested in playing but then he heard the soundtrack from another member’s phone and was intrigued

ended up staying up all night just playing the game

chose lumine to be the traveler bc he thought she was cool (sorry aether </3)

gets rlly rlly into the lore and is a sucker for the graphics and music

spends most of his time just talking to npc’s and reading everything they have to say

failed the gliding test many times so he asked yunho to do it for him

“you just follow the rings–”

“i’m TRYING”

gets scared when the music suddenly changes as a crowd of hilichurls comes running towards him

has a personal vendetta against paimon idk why but he does

played co-op once with san and yunho but instantly regretted it bc they kept teleporting and leaving him behind

seonghwa

mains: diona

doesnt rlly know what he’s doing but he thinks the game is very pretty <3

aether is his traveler and seonghwa is v attached to him

knows all of the names of the npc’s in monstadt so whenever he passes by them he greets them out loud “hi flora” “oh hey huffman” “SARAAAAH”

always gasps when he finds a seelie and gets all :D as he follows it

keeps falling off the mountains bc he underestimates how tall they are and loses stamina before he reaches the top

absolutely DETESTS doing quests in dragonspine

“wHY IS THERE NO TORCH HERE”

*comes across a frostarm lawachurl* “haha NO <3″

“oh don’t worry joel i’ll find your dad!” *5 minutes later* “nvm fuck your dad sorry joel”

has so many ingredients in his inventory so he’s always stocked with food

always denies wooyoung’s request to join

yunho

mains: amber, lisa or kaeya

the first person in the group who started playing genshin and downloaded the game just a few days after it came out

HAS SO MANY GOOD FUCKING CHARACTERS but always mains the three mentioned above bc “they’ve been w me since the beginning you don’t understand the bond we have”

he and san have the most experience w the game so they’re always helping out the other members

absolutely LOVES liyue and likes to glide around bc it’s so pretty

when he’s on the ground he likes to hop around instead of sprint bc according to him it’s more fun that way

he thinks the slimes are cute

is supersuper lucky and gets a new character w every pull (he cried when he got zhongli)

he’s super knowledgeable about how the game works and when he’s trying to explain the other members are like ????? but they just smile and nod bc yunho literally lights up talking about it and they would rather punt themselves into the sun than make him upset

spends lots of his mora leveling up his weapons so as a result he’s always low on that “spare mora pls”

yeosang

mains: qiqi

doesnt really know what he’s doing pt 2 but he’s vibing

started panicking when he had to run (glide) from the knights of favonius and COULD NOT find diluc’s tavern for the longest time

“aww look at the cute animals” he says as he aims his arrow at it

teleports to a statue of the seven in the middle of a boss fight bc all of his characters are dead and he has no food left

wants to throttle tf out of paimon

collects potatoes and radish in the middle of a fight

he’ll put off doing quests but ends up gaining more quests to do so he ends up having like 238743875 different quests

purposefully bumps into the npc’s bc he thinks it’s funny

he, wooyoung, and san all played co-op tgt but ended up just playing hide n seek in liyue

forgot that wangshu inn had an elevator so he’s been taking the stairs the whole time

san

mains: tartaglia/childe

has a personal vendetta against reckless pallad and refuses to save him

the geo hypostasis is the bane of his very existence and he almost cursed it out on more than one occasion

spent 10 minutes trying to climb qingyun peak only to fall off once he reached the top </3

complained a lot during his quest w albedo

“why are we doing all these experiments”

“i am NOT drinking that potion—fuck okay i’m drinking the potion”

“why are you giving me a sword did you steal the sword albedo what the hell”

has the BIGGEST soft spot for razor and he most likely cried a little a lot when he met him for the first time

he rarely ever uses the free characters that the game gives him in the beginning

likes to climb the anemo archon statue in monstadt and sit in its hands

mingi

mains: closes his eyes and whoever he lands on is his main (it’s sucrose)

saw a ruin guard just chilling and immediately turned right back around

has the fattest crush on diluc but dont we all

“...do i have enough stamina to swim across that? i think i do” *ends up drowning not even halfway*

gets super excited whenever he finds a chest but doesnt like having to fight enemies to unlock it

“ooh i see a chest—” *slimes pop up from who knows where* “nevermind”

he gets really into the cut scenes and watches them so intently it’s cute

takes a long time to get his ar up bc he mostly enjoys running around and playing casually

he HATES timed fights bc it stresses him out

racks up a lot of primogems but never really uses them for some reason

feels bad whenever he has to switch a character in his party bc he needs a character with a diff element

“icb the game lets us use good characters during certain quests but then rips them away from us as soon as the quest is over i call scam—”

wooyoung

mains: ningguang or fischl

he was in the middle of a quest but completely forgot about it bc he saw an anemoculus and spent forever trying to get it

likes to bully timmie on a daily basis

“sorry timmie i need fowl” *does an elemental burst on the birds*

he knew how much seonghwa wanted to get diluc so when wooyoung pulled him he rubbed it in seonghwa’s face for 2 whole weeks

during the quests where he has to be sneaky, he always got caught and almost threw his phone after having to restart for the 10th time

when he plays co-op with any of the other members, wooyoung just starts attacking them w his weapons

“fuck the fatui everyone hates the fatui....except tartaglia i like him”

gets annoyed when he sees hilichurls running after him

“i’m just trying to deliver food LEAVE ME ALONE”

will be in the middle of doing a quest when he sees a dog and spends 5 minutes just standing next to it

jongho

mains: diluc

he’s more of a silent player, meaning that he plays the game a LOT but isn’t as vocal about it

“hey jongho what ar are you?” “30″ “...didnt you just start playing three days ago?

*shrugs* “yeah”

the members who have a lower world level than him ask him if he can do co-op and help them defeat some enemies that they’re having trouble w but jongho’s like nah do it yourself

finishes all of his commissions in like 2 minutes

he agrees w diluc and also has a thing against the knights of favonius

“who was the one who defeated stormterror? yeah that’s right ME”

“i snuck in to steal the holy lyre and none of them noticed pssh amateurs”

the only person he’ll play co-op with is yunho and the two of them just wreak havoc all over liyue and monstadt

had to fight 3 ruin guards at the same and hated every second of it

instead of sprinting on the ground he just hops/glides from roof to roof

[mst3kproject]

Ghost of Dragstrip Hollow

This movie has no dogs, which is a shame because the title definitely sounds like a lost episode of Scooby-Doo.  What it does have is Elaine Dupont from I Was a Teenage Werewolf (and the Beach Girls and the Monster) and Russ Bender from It Conquered the World (he also wrote Voodoo Woman, which makes him indirectly responsible for Curse of the Swamp Creature), in a genre crossover that reminds one of Catalina Caper and is even less successful. It’s also even less funny.

Our heroes are a bunch of super-cool hot-rodding thirty-year-old fifties teens who speak in painfully embarrassing slang. They’ve been evicted from their headquarters and need some new digs, but all their efforts to find a place have come to naught… until an elderly lady offers them her house at Dragstrip Hollow. It sounds like it’ll have everything they need, as long as they don’t mind that it’s haunted.  The gang is a little unnerved by strange events their first evening at the house, but ultimately decide that if nothing else, it’s the perfect place for a Hallowe’en party.  What they haven’t realized is that with everybody in costumes, the monster in the basement will be able to walk among them un-noticed!

This is yet another movie that sounds like a good time but is actually almost unwatchably boring.  A party in a haunted house with a monster who just wants to have a good time?  I’m up for that!  But Ghost of Dragstrip Hollow is only an hour long, and spends most of that time dithering around doing absolutely nothing.

There are two potential main characters.  One is Lois, a young woman who’s far more interested in cars and racing than in boys and makeup, much to her parents’ chagrin. Her mother believes this is a phase she’ll grow out of, but her father keeps trying to encourage her to be more feminine and never gets very far.  This sublot drops out of the movie halfway through, without ever coming to any kind of conclusion.  Lois is also at odds with Nita, a member of a rival racing gang.  Lois spends most of the movie refusing to be goaded into a racing rematch with Nita, but eventually gives in, and their climactic race takes place off-screen while we watch the band at the Hallowe’en party try to play their instruments while dressed as bedsheet ghosts!  Nothing comes of it.

The only thing Nita’s gang does through the whole movie is show up at parties they haven’t been invited to, exchange insults with Lois’ friends, and then leave.

The other potential hero is the reporter who’s doing a series of articles on rebellious teenagers.  He quickly makes friends with the kids, becoming an honourary member of their club, and apparently helps them search for a new headquarters. In spite of this, he doesn’t actually have an arc.  He sympathizes with these young people from the beginning, and based on the questions he asks it’s pretty clear he wants to show that their cars and racing are a harmless hobby rather than a gateway drug to crime.  This opinion doesn’t change over the course of the movie.  Neither does his insistence that the house is not actually haunted, even as unseen hands light his cigarette for him and untie his bow tie.

Most of the movie is totally useless – like the slumber party at Lois’ house, which serves no purpose except to make a joke about women taking too long in the bathroom.  I’m sure that was already tired and unfunny in the 50’s. Or the old lady’s opinionated pet parrot, who provides annoying commentary that makes already not-funny scenes even less funny.  I was sure the parrot was going to be a plot point, because one of his demonstrated talents is imitating a police siren and the hot rodders are worried about getting in trouble with the cops.  Surely during a climactic race the parrot will trick Nita into pulling over, allowing Lois to take the lead!  But no, that can’t happen because that would be useful.  Nothing in this fucking movie is allowed to be useful.

All of this bullshit, with the slumber party and the stupid parrot and the old lady being bad at playing the flute… and the rival gang showing up and then leaving… and the musical numbers, one of which has no lyrics except a guy saying Geronimo! and then firing blanks at the ceiling, and this is played twice… and Lois’ parents and the reporter hanging around and the short guy with the tall girlfriend… all of this drags on and on and on and takes up three quarters of the movie and has literally nothing to do with the plot!  The fact that the club needs a new place to hang out is introduced pretty early but then gets shoved aside until almost the end.  You’d think we ought to see them trying to find a place until eventually being forced to settle for the creepy old house in the middle of nowhere, but no, we sit through forty minutes of nonsense and then suddenly arrive at characters talking about it.

The haunted house must be the actual plot because it’s the title, but it isn’t worth waiting for.  When the club arrives to take a look around, there is indeed a monster creeping around causing mischief.  And it’s definitely a monster, not a ghost – although there is also a ghost. In fact, when we get a good look at the beast shortly thereafter… it’s the fucking She-Creature.

I’m not even kidding.  It is literally the She-Creature without the dumbass blonde wig and with the chitinous tits toned down into chitinous pecs.  This thing creeps around and growls at people, then turns up at the party to dance with a couple of girls before getting its mask ripped off (I told you this was an episode of Scooby-Doo!) to reveal, and I promise you I did not make this up, I could not make this up, a bitter stuntman with a high squeaky voice. He looks a little like Lois’ father and I thought for a moment we were doing a Beach Girls and the Monster thing here… but no, he’s a totally different character.  Why is he dressed up as a monster haunting this old house with a collection of special effects equipment he keeps behind the fireplace?  Because nobody appreciated his performance as the She-Creature.

He actually says that.  Fuck this movie!  The monster suit isn’t even bad enough to be funny.  In fact, it looks better here than it did in The She-Creature or Voodoo Woman, possibly because the lighting allows us to actually see it!

Oh, and as I mentioned, there’s also a ghost, but he left because he didn’t like the rock and roll music.

In order to find the creature’s secret lair, they ask ‘Amelia’, the nerdy guy’s superintelligent, talking, self-driving hot rod.  This machine speaks in a deep, somewhat ghostly voice, and isn’t mentioned or even hinted at until the movie’s almost over.  People accidentally blundering into secret rooms behind the fireplace is a time-honoured tradition in movies, but apparently that wasn’t good enough for Ghost of Dragstrip Hollow.  No, they had to have a deus-ex-machina supercomputer fire-breathing car figure it out without even saying what the clues were.  Fuck!

I’ve watched several films for this blog that left me with the impression that the people making them knew what parts go into a movie but not how to put them together.  I don’t think the makers of Ghost of Dragstrip Hollow even knew what movies are made of – or if they did, they were actively contemptuous of that ingredients list.  Their film seems to have been cobbled together from bits of several stories, without including enough of any single one to really get a plot.  Remember Face of the Screaming Werewolf, which really was made of random bits of two other movies?  Ghost of Dragstrip Hollow is about as coherent as that.  It feels like there’s at least another hour of material missing somewhere, which would deal with things like Lois’ relationship with her parents or the rivalry between the two racing clubs.  It feels like anything that would help unify this story, or bring proper closure to any of the plotlines, was deliberately left on the cutting room floor, just to piss me off!

I only laughed once in the entire movie, at a bit where the parrot complains about his mistress’ bad driving (he wails and me so young!).  The rest of the time I couldn’t even find it ironically funny.  When I wasn’t rolling my eyes at the attempted jokes I was staring at the screen in bafflement because I couldn’t figure out what the movie was trying to do. What ought to be plot points are quickly forgotten, or else resolved with nonsensical trifles and then thrown away. The result is confusing and ultimately deeply frustrating.  I mentioned Scooby-Doo, but that’s not even a fair comparison, because the unmasking of the villain in Scooby-Doo always includes the reveal of a master plan.  The monster in Ghost of Dragstrip Hollow is just fucking around.

I hate this movie.  It’s not even a movie.  It’s just a bunch of unrelated things that happen to the same set of characters, without even any laughs to make it worth watching.  They could have filmed an hour of their asses pressed up against a windowpane, and it would have annoyed me less.

[normal-thoughts-official]

I'm ignoring my responsibilities in favor of watching the All Malec Moments video compilation so get ready for a livewatch no one asked for

Hodge is so incredibly wrong about everything he says about Magnus and it's kind of impressive because all he says is heavily supported by the Clave's files, which. Is proof of how great Magnus is at manipulating them and having them think exactly what he wants them to, tbh. Especially considering that as much as Magnus closes off emotionally, he was always very caring and kind to all other downworlders and warlocks, like, they all know they can trust him, he was named HWoB, he has a thousand kids, he took them all into hiding, etc. But the Clave and circle members are still 100% sure he's a super greedy lothario who's good for nothing but partying, and like. Obviously it's because they racist but they have an intelligence system and a file full of pictures and information and it all seems to support what Hodge is saying about him. So like Magnus was quite literally living a double life, with a whole personality he put up for shadowhunters and enemies, and another for his allies and friends, and even that one isnt 100% him because he was still trying to protect himself by closing himself off from relationships. and thats fucking impressive like my man is so smart i love him

Their first official talk is so funny magnus literally goes "I'm magnus" and Alec goes "Alec" and then he smiles and then he just goes. "Oh yeah right we should uh we should go to the hmm youhavebeautifuleyes what's it called hm" and its hilarious because they exchanged three (3) words and Alec is already all lost because Magnus is just That Beautiful. also all Magnus has to do is introduce himself and Alec smiles for the first time in 4 episodes like bro. bro. seriously. help him

he's SO frustrated when Alec doesn't get the "i love a dirty lair" flirt like he does that little eyebrow raise and hes just like "what the hell i thought that was GOOD" but Alec's head is legit playing wii music

Magnus pays izzy for "defending the warlocks" i had forgotten about that and it makes me so soft ;-;

Magnus and Izzy were just vibing with magnus asking her what presents Alec likes and clary immediately interrupts to ask about the memory demon like homophobic from day one i guess

Magnus is positively impressed by the way Clary goes "I'll do anything to save my mother" you can see how much he values loyalty right then have i mentioned that i love him

we talk about the "I'm talking to you" part a lot but we never mention how Magnus just throws that one and yeets off with clary not even waiting for a reaction he's just like that's RIGHT bitch you have beautiful hazel eyes too! do with that what you will i am now summoning a demon goodbye forever

the second him and Clary are away from the rest he tells her not to trust anyone and to be careful, like... ugh he cares so much it's unreal and again very deliberate, flirt a little, give izzy a necklace, throw in some innuendos, make it seem like it's all very innocuous so no one bothers to follow them or listen in when he goes away with Clary alone, and then immediately warn her about the clave when he gets away from the others. like he cares so much and he's so good at keeping that visible only for those he wants to it's astounding, my man is so talented and i hate that he had to learn to do that to survive but god i admire him and how committed he is to helping others too. like he could say "welp who cares it's dangerous imma go fuck off" like ragnor did but not only did he stay but he had a huge vulnerability with all his generosity and he never gave that up not for a second, even as he closed himself off from having any close friends or family or lovers, he never was anything if not generous and kind

the way he deliberately calls Jace shadowhunter in the most uninterested and even lowkey condescending way after the "pretty boy" incident idndjdndi we stan a king

the way Alec and magnus hold hands to summon the demon and even Magnus seems a bit shocked at the intensity of the sound and the bond that they make like. obviously they have their little staring contest and Alec is doing the Lightwood Intensity™ thing but like you can see Magnus frown just slightly and be a little confused because it was so strong right off the bat. even the sound of when they hold hands is louder than when the others do, like you can just feel their connection and the way magnus' magic flows so freely through Alec like god the soulmate energy tbh

Alec has a full body jerk when they hold hands too and he's the only one like damn we get it u 2 r vibin get a room

Izzy going "you ppl are pathetic" straight to the hets is so funny especially after Alec reacted to holding magnus' hand like he had gotten a 1000W electric shock or something. but i get the feel maybe she did that deliberately so they wouldnt pay as much attention to Alec's reaction too

the special effects were truly so bad like we all knew this but damn

Jace is such an asshole like Alec made it to kill the demon because it was you know about to seriously hurt them all and Magnus had just said that he couldn't contain the demon for longer (and like we know that Alec is the only one who ever cared if Magnus overexerted himself out of the shadowhunters but like bro this affects you) and Jace just???? shoved him??????? against the wall???? like a fucking piece of shit??? they should have let valak kill him tbh

the first time magnus calls him Alexander is when he calls Alec to see if he wants a drink and it's just like very clearly a thing that's supposed to be between them two? like he never did it when there were others nearby and i dig that

the fact that when asking Alec out he said "it was nice getting to know you, you seem sympathetic" like he could have gone with a lot of better more flirty adjectives but for a second the truth slipped out and he said what he thought - that while Alec was objectively you know tall and strong and all what really attracted him was the way Alec clearly gave a fuck whether or not Magnus was struggling with his magic to keep the damn demon at bay. and that was before the magic sharing shit too when Alec proved him right by cleaning up his things and saying that he had exerted himself enough for one day. like so many ppl see Magnus as the All Powerful Son Of Asmodeus Who's Also There To Service Shadowhunters and Alec just shows the faintest signs of caring about his wellbeing and he's immediately drawn to him like damn Im sad

also maybe this might be why he asked Alec to come so he could draw from his strength specifically, like he knew from the little hand holding thing that Alec was open and receptive to his magic (which probably adds to the "sympathetic" stuff like the fact that Alec had such an intense reaction to his magic and yet didnt try to push it back or draw away from it basically shows that he's open to Magnus if that makes sense? not only because magic is a part of warlocks but also because shadowhunters are all taught that magic is like, dirty and evil, so it would be instinctive for Alec to be resistant to demonic magic in his body, but he wasn't, he accepted it so readily and intensely it was a shock to the both of them) and also that he cared enough to support him. he kinda had Magnus' back from the beginning, first killing that circle member in the club before Magnus even saw him, then helping Magnus kill the other, then immediately making it to kill the demon when Magnus said he couldn't hold him back for long. like im aware I'm reading too much into this but s1 malec was very kept to the between-the-lines and its very interesting to me to think what Magnus was thinking, even if obviously on a subconscious level. Alec was showing himself to be open, reliable and caring, and magnus values that, and hes attracted to him and he hasnt had that in a while, because he wouldnt allow himself, but now he's healing and the pull he feels when he finally gets that while being emotionally available enough to accept these little gestures of caring is really strong. love that for him tbh

i go FERAL over everything about the magic sharing shit okay i always have. the way alec shows up and Magnus is kind of falling over, exhausted from trying to hold onto luke, and Alec immediately runs to support his weight and make sure hes okay? and magnus even as he was about to fall over never had his magic falter, my man couldn't keep his balance but still wouldnt come close to stumbling and risking luke's life further for even a second. so when Alec gets there he's just quite literally having his back, supporting his weight, when even Magnus didnt care about that (which like. unhealthy) and was focused on luke? and like Magnus can focus on luke because Alec is there to give him his support and make sure he's fine and how long's it been since he last had someone to do that?? and it's clearly alec's first instinct and like we know Jace or even Clary wouldnt fucking react like that. and then they have this ridiculous fucking staring contest again like we get it alec you're gay panicking at Magnus' beautiful eyes but like pls? and then we get to the most important part which is TAKE WHAT YOU NEED

like JDNDJSNSKDNDJDBSHSBSUSNSISNSIBSZJBZUZBSJSBSISNSSINSIS *SCREAMS INTO OBLIVION, SENDING SELF OUT OF EARTH'S GRAVITY ZONE*

his reaction is just SO intense and immediate he's just like "take what you need" he just offers himself fully to help Magnus just like that, no hesitation, and like Magnus is literally drawing from Alec's strength/life force, there should be some kind of resistance, even from a regular person or a friend, like its a very natural instinct. but Alec just grabs his hand and goes take what you need and he doesn't resist he just lets him do it and lets Magnus take his strength, because he genuinely worries about his wellbeing and safety just because he does, he believes in protecting others and being there for them, same as Magnus, and to Alec it's the most natural thing in the world but to Magnus it's shocking because he's always been self reliant, he has to be, he's been alone too many times and he's been used too many times and he's scared of what he'll let people take from him if he opens himself up because he always gives and gives, and he hasnt even let anyone be there for him to have his back and give him support when he needed in these last few centuries, not fully, not since Camille. but Alec shows up and just immediately cares for him in both small (like later when he refuses to let Magnus clean his couch magically because he knows he's tired and does it himself) and huge (like literally not hesitating before letting Magnus use a super intimate and presumably draining spell on him without putting any kind of limit, so Magnus can not overexert himself like he always does) ways and it means so much to him? and hes just so drawn and attracted to him and suddenly he realizes he's catching feelings that he had forgotten how to, because of course he had been healing and opening up, but he still kept people at some kind of length that didnt allow them to take care of him even if they wanted to, but Alec got that opening and he dived right in, and Magnus realizes how starved he's been for this kind of care and support that he's been denying himself and he decides to chase this, take it seriously, and i just aaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

and like again Alec doesn't even think twice about it, because he's always been the protector and the support anyway, and he doesn't want to let anyone struggle and also most of that is just him being a Decent Human Being, but just like he got that opening that no one else did before, he met Magnus at the right time and he was sympathetic and caring and that sparked so much in Magnus, made him realize just how much he's been craving affection and care and close contact with people, and being vulnerable emotionally, and all of that that he's been denying himself. obviously magnus is romantically attracted to him but right then Alec is unlocking honesty with himself inside of magnus, he's unlocking vulnerability and not using it against him but really making a good thing out of it, and magnus' forgotten it could feel like this, safe and nice instead of hurting and scary. and again it's such a simple gesture but fuck my boy's been starved!! for so long!!! okay! and he can't help but want to desperately clutch to that feeling because against all odds he trusts alec to see his vulnerability right then (and he deliberately lets him see it further when he gives Alec that drink, tells him he's been closed off, that alec's unlocked something in him. you can see all the sadness and hope and vulnerability in his eyes right then, pretty much for the first time in the show, hes just so open and vulnerable and that's deliberate! first time was a fluke but second time he's choosing to because he wants to see where this goes, and if the magic sharing scene is the spark, the drinking scene is the fire, because they're not in a life or death situation anymore, Magnus is choosing to give Alec a chance by showing him a glimpse of his insecurities and Alec answers in kind, letting Magnus see his own confusion and want, and also again shows his caring and doesn't betray or use magnus' vulnerability and fuck!!! Magnus falls in love right then because this boy stays with him all night and talks, and he sees Magnus look at him with shiny eyes and admit that he's been scared of relationships, and he tells magnus not to overexert himself, and they click and Alec is open to his magic and hes funny and hes compassionate and also passionate about what he believes in, and they have so much in common with the way they hide and care so deeply and protect others always and are so loyal and i just. udndjdndidjdjxnxjxnskxndk SOULMATES god)

I need to lie down actually this was a bad idea I'm not strong enough I'm too feral

Might continue this later who knows. I'll be tagging malec livewatch and also long post as always if you want to filter this nonsense out

[ilovemygaydad]

title: the pirate king and la princesa

pairings: pre-romantic analogical

summary: a new pirate has invaded logan’s pirating territory, and that simply won’t do

warnings: enemies to lovers (kinda), nothing is historically or factually accurate, this exists in a made up time because i don’t care and also i said so, swearing, pirates, probably some shitty google translated spanish, caps a couple of times, shouting, a sword is very briefly mentioned, i definitely don’t know how boats work, i absolutely don’t know much about pirates, threats, mentions of alcohol, virgil kisses logan without asking but they both like it so? it’s your call, stealing, and possibly something else

a/n: this was so @fandomsandanythingelse would get her phone fixed, which ended up not needing to be done. i fell in love with this universe anyway so here you go. pirates analogical with enemies to... something resembling lovers. it sort of counts...

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-

Logan supposed that, since they were out on the open ocean, there was no such thing as “turf.” A person isn’t able to own a part of the ocean, no matter how much they sailed it.

That being said, however, Logan didn’t give a fuck about technicalities because some new pirate decided to encroach on HIS turf. Everyone who’d spent any time in piracy knew that the areas near the eastern coast of America was where Logan Bonny and Logan Bonny alone operated. Call him territorial, but Logan had made himself a name on the sea for a reason, and when some newbie came along and tried to threaten his place... Well, that certainly couldn’t continue.

He’d found out about the other pirate through his crew, who had been whispering about the mysterious stranger they’d heard about during their last trips to the mainland. Virgil Castillo. Captain of La Princesa. Apparently, he had only joined the pirate scene just over a year ago in Spain but had recently made the voyage over to America to avoid the Spanish Navy. That in and of itself would have been completely fine--Logan had been in his fair share of trouble with the law, and he didn’t fault others for needing to flee--but this... Castillo guy just had to decide to start raiding ships in Logan’s turf. He had beat Logan to multiple ships that would have given them helpful supplies for all of the crew members, which just made him more frustrated.

Logan had spent years cultivating enough of a reputation to earn his spot as the “Pirate King of the East Coast,” and he wasn’t about to let Virgil Castillo and the crew of La Princesa take that from him.

“Hey, Cap, wanna stop your brooding so we can get on course for our next destination?” Logan’s first mate, Roman, teased from the doorway of his quarters.

“I’m not brooding, Roman,” he snarled half-heartedly as he gathered his things into a neat pile and stood. “I’m not a child.”

“No, of course not. I’m sorry that I ever insinuated that you’re a petulant, irritating child.”

Logan gave Roman a sharp clap on the shoulder. “Apology accepted.”

---

It took about three months for Logan to cross paths with his self-proclaimed nemesis. Too soon, yet not soon enough. 

Logan had been sitting in the darkest, quietest corner of a tavern (which was to say that it was extremely dark and not even moderately quiet) looking over a few charts and maps while his entire crew celebrated their latest success. He had never particularly enjoyed loud, rambunctious festivities regardless, and it just made sense to spend the time looking over his plans earlier and sober instead of hungover and at the last minute. 

Or he was a “party pooper” as Roman had called him. Whichever shoe fit.

“When I had heard about ‘Pirate King of the East Coast,’ I imagined someone a bit more... interesting,” someone with a thick Spanish accent said across from Logan.

Insulted, he glanced up and found a tall, elaborately dressed man with thick, dark hair and even darker eye makeup. It only took him a moment to realize who he was looking at.

“Virgil Castillo.”

The man smiled brightly, showing off his stupidly perfect teeth. “The one and only. I was unaware that you knew of me.”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” Logan snarked. “It wouldn’t take a fool to know that you’ve been sailing in my territory.”

Virgil hummed and sat down in the chair next to his, which was equal parts astounding and frustrating.

“Do you mind? I’m trying to work.” His arms protectively hovered over his papers to make sure that the opposing pirate wouldn’t try to steal his plans. 

“No, I don’t mind.”

Logan blinked a few times at the absolute nerve of this man. His mouth hung open in awe for a moment, but it was gently shut by a finger pushing up on his chin.

“Do not worry; I am not here to steal your plans. Eres muy guapo y quiero sentarme contigo.”

“I don’t know what that means...”

Inexplicably, Virgil leaned closer; his cool hand moved up to cup the side of Logan’s jaw. “You seem like a smart man. I’m sure that you will be able to figure it out in a moment.”

Logan’s body felt frozen as the other pirate closed the gap between them, gently pressing their lips together in a kiss. Holy shit, Logan was kissing his greatest enemy. Even worse--if things even could get worse--he felt himself moving to kiss back.

As soon as the kiss began, it was over. Virgil’s face hovered close for a few moments, which really solidified what had just happened in Logan’s mind, before he stood and took a few steps back. He shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his jacket. They stared at each other’s faces, and Logan was very glad that both the dim lights and his dark complexion masked most of the heat in his face.

“Until next time, Logan,” Virgil said with a quick two-fingered salute. In the time that it took Logan to blink, he was gone, leaving the pirate to sit and contemplate what the hell had just happened.

It was either a few seconds or a few hours before Logan was shocked out of his reverie by a hand placing itself on his shoulder. He blinked, and Roman’s face came into focus a foot away. Roman looked concerned, which was an odd thing to see on the normally careless man.

“Jeez, Cap. You looked like you were in some other dimension for a minute. I saw a guy walking away from here--did he do something to you? Who was he?”

“Virgil Callisto,” Logan choked out. “He kissed me.”

A huffed laugh escaped Roman’s lips as the captain glanced down at the table. “He kissed you?”

Logan nodded, but his face shifted into a scowl just as fast. “Son of a bitch!”

“What? A kiss isn’t that bad. He was pretty, too--”

“No, Roman,” he cut off, standing. “He fucking stole my telescope!”

“Oh shit.”

---

“Pat, we have to leave. Now, preferably,” Virgil commanded in Spanish as he hopped back onto the small vessel he used when he wanted to go to shore to avoid his ship being recognized. Patton had opted to stay onboard while Virgil explored the town, which was fine now that Virgil had royally fucked up.

“What? Why?” The small man began to untie the boat from the dock, but he shot a confused look at his captain.

“I met Logan Bonny.”

Patton gasped in surprise. “Really?”

“I may or may not have kissed him,” Virgil said sheepishly as he helped his first mate.

“Aw, good for you! I’m so proud, Virgil--”

“I also may have stolen his telescope...”

Patton’s movements immediately halted, and he looked at Virgil with what could only be described as faux cheer. “You did what?”

“I, um...” Virgil took the ornate looking glass out of his coat pocket, shyly holding it out for the other to see. “I swiped it by accident.”

“You STOLE the most FEARED PIRATE of the East Coast’s BELOVED TELESCOPE?!” Patton screeched like an offended mother.

“I got scared!”

A loud groan echoed through the quiet night as Patton buried his face in his hands. “Virgil, I cannot believe that you messed this up so badly.”

“Believe it, Patton. I am an idi--”

“VIRGIL CASTILLO, YOU ARE A DEAD MAN!”

Virgil’s eyes went wide as he recognized the voice and swiftly sliced the remaining ties with his sword. They could replace the ropes, but Virgil’s life wasn’t so replaceable.

“Okay, let’s go before I’m murdered, please!”

Patton smacked his arm as he rounded to the sail. “This is what you get for stealing!” 

“Literally all we do is steal! We’re pirates!” Virgil argued, pushing off of the dock.

A sharp, warning look graced Patton’s normally gentle features as he regarded the captain. “Don’t test me.”

Just as Logan’s feet began to pound down the wooden dock, the ropes of the sail let out, and the wind set them out in time to be out of reach.

“I will find you, Castillo! Mark my words!” Logan shouted.

A cheeky grin wormed its way onto Virgil’s face as he replied in English, “I’m looking forward to it, mi querido!”

[basmndsa]

「 alvaro rico. cismale. he/him. 」i hope that #lexsquad member「 SEBASTIAN MENDOSA 」adds me to the squad ! the 「 TWENTY-TWO 」year old 「 BUSINESS 」 major has been apart of the squad since 「 AUGUST 2018 」and seems to be the 「 CYNIC 」of the group.「 BAS 」is a「 JUNIOR 」 and seems to enjoy 「 TAKING LONE WALKS IN THE DARK 」but you can always find them at a squad party , too !

hello . . . i have nothing to say for myself. genuinely. here’s bas , he sucks and i’m not sorry about it !! 

STATISTICS.

FULL NAME : sebastian alejandro mendosa

MAJOR : business

ORIENTATION : bisexual 

HOMETOWN : santee , ca.

HEIGHT : 6′1

BUILD : tall & slender. 

BACKGROUND. * triggers include : death  &  abandonment  &  drug abuse.

if u don’t really any of this just know its inspired by the gallaghers from shameless

sebastian is the product of a one night stand between two young teenagers who weren’t ready to be parents , but were convinced they could do it. prepared to welcome their baby into the world, his mother died in childbirth and it sent his dad into a spiral. too young and not ready to raise his baby alone.

however , he still tried and had a hard time maintaining anything for his son. however , their family kept growing welcoming four new children all within a few years of each other ( give or take ) , all from different mothers who wanted nothing to do with the babies , so they fell on the mendosa’s. four siblings are angelo ( 19 ) , mariana ( 17 )  , teresa ( 12 ) , & samuel ( 7 ). 

sebastian being the oldest quickly fell into the only proper father figure his siblings had. his father was around , but as soon as bas started taking over , he was around way less. too wrapped up in being fucked up on drugs to stay home and raise his kids. that said , he practically raised all his siblings and had no time to do anything for himself. dropped out of high school at 17 and got his ged and started working multiple jobs to support how he could.

after a huge argument one night , bas finally got his dad to realize he needed to shape up or he was going to lose the kids. all bas got out of his was some financial assistance , but he had never gotten an ounce of love from his father , so he knew it was too late to get that. his father isn’t exactly a bad guy , he just never recovered from losing bas’ mom. 

tired of basically being a father of four at 19 years old , bas finally did something for himself for once ; with the help of grants & hope , he got into an associates program at a local community college and got his associates in business there. then , through a transfer program with more grants & hope , he was accepted into lexington university. 

just got to lexu in august to finish his business degree. isn’t really sure why he picked business , but it seemed like something he could do something with to support his family. lives locally , about 20 min. drive and commutes because there’s no way he’d leave this family to his father. 

PERSONALITY.

i honestly don’t even know how to explain his personality other than the fact that he’s . . . . generally just not very nice. wasn’t really raised with ideals of compassion or love & simply doesn’t know how to express those emotions. isn’t necessarily that he can’t , he just genuinely doesn’t know how. 

will say literally whatever is on his mind at any given moment. not a single filter in sight.

cares for & cares about his siblings and makes sure they know that he does. it’s hard for him to express his love , but they’re just about the only four who have an actual place in his heart. not his dad , his dad can choke. 

isn’t exactly an asshole for the sake of being one , just literally doesn’t care about most things & is generally perceived as rude. 

doesn’t have a lot of passion for things bc he was never really given the chance but he does really enjoy writing. has always kept a journal and it’s really the only form of emotion he can properly express. 

easiest way for him to express any type of emotion is through physical fights. is quick to get angered ( physically )  & to start fights. 

probably just hates everything but its fine.

HEADCANONS.

speaks english & spanish.

has family in barcelona that he’s never met. 

has one tattoo for each of his siblings that he saved up money to get. they’re small but important to him. 

has never been in a real relationship. never really had time growing up & his personality doesn’t exactly scream bf material.

is fine w/ no strings kinda sleeping with people but tends to not sleep w the same person twice if he feels like they’ll get attached. 

literally has not clue why he was invited to the squad or why he accepted but .... here he is , u know.

still works two jobs & pours his life into making sure his siblings are cared for. for a man with 0 emotions he cares a lot about them

CONNECTIONS.

literally anything angsty ..... please ......

ex friends / fwb / ex fwb .... w/e

he’s lived in the san diego area all his life so like any connections to that

someone who thinks they can fix him or make him Love and only hurts themselves in the process

the closest thing that bas might have to a best friend. doesn’t know how to express his love for them , but he tries. 

would love the person who let him into the squad ... maybe someone annoying who kinda just latches onto him for no reason.

cut from the same cloth ? they both don’t rly express emotions but it kinda just works. u know like the friend u just sit in silence with but its nice silence .

basically just piss him off please

that’s all i got rn , but here’s his pinterest !

[maaaaaatryoshka0325]

Not Afraid of the Dark - Seo Changbin Gang AU Part 1

REQUESTED: Seo Changbin modern gang series

Description: you’re a college student, and so is he. Big difference? He’s a gang member.

(Part2) (Part3) (Part4) (Part5) (Part6) (Part7) (Part8) (Part9)

College life was going great so far. You got good grades. had your own dorm room to yourself, made friends, partied, all that college stuff. You were going to a college in Seoul. You had worked hard to get there, and you were grateful that you made it. 

You sat in your seat during lecture next to your friend, Nina. You both had the same literature class together along with your friend, Chul. You were in school to be a veterinarian, Nina wants to be a child therapist, and Chul was in business. You met them almost immediately after starting school, as the two have been friends since middle school. You liked going to the clubs with them, Nina was really fun to party with and so was Chul, but he also kept the weirdo’s away.

After lecture, you walked out to the garden in the middle of campus to get to your next class. A group of boys were in the way.. You looked down, making sure not to look at any of them, when you ran right into someone.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” You said, looking up at who you ran into. You froze as you realized you bumped into the one who stood out the most. Seo Changbin. Everyone knew who he was, he was the baddest boy in the school besides the other goons. 

“Watch where you’re going next time.” He said, looking back at you.

“Excuse me?” You asked.

“I’ll say it slowly this time so you understand this time Sweetheart.” He said, lowering his head to eye level with you. “Watch. Where, You’re. Going. Next. Time.”

“How about you not stand in the middle of the fucking sidewalk when there’s people walking.” You said, holding eye contact with him.

At first he seemed shocked, then amusement lightened his eyes and he smirked at you before stepping aside. You seemed calm and collected as you went to walk away, but anxiety had filled you ever since you let those words out. Even his friends seemed shocked at how you responded to him.

“I like her. She’s ballsy.” The one with the deep voice and  accent said as you walked by.

Ballsy. I guess that’a what I am. 

During your whole next class you couldn't help but think about the whole thing that had just gone down. You had just thrown Changbin a huge attitude, and he smiled at you? He thought it was funny? After your class you ran home to change into your work uniform. You worked part time at a maid cafe to bring home some extra cash while you went to school. The short dress, low pig tails. and thigh highs made you look cute. You worked there with your cute as a button coworker, Nari. She was younger than you by at least two years, but she was the cutest thing you’ve ever seen. She was naturally very innocent and had a small voice. 

You loved your job. Your boss was from Japan and she was the sweetest thing, she was even highering your pay and moving you up to the head waitress. Your customers were very nice too, aside from some of the creepy ones that found their way in here. Most of your regulars were actually older couples that thought the idea was cute. Your customers loved you on top of that.

You served one specific regular that night that was watching one of the TV’s. The news was on, and a report of a stabbing was on the TV.

“These gangs need to be stopped. Too much violence going on now a days.” He said.

You poured him some more sake and nodded in agreement.

“I agree Mr. Lim, It’s been getting bad recently.” You said.

“Then a little women like yourself has to walk home alone. Tell you what, you ever need a ride just give me and my wife a call, we’ll see you home safe.” He said.

“Thank you Mr. Lim.” You said, bowing then running food for other tables. 

That night, you waited out front for Nari’s sister to give her a ride. You would always wait outside with her, sometimes accepting the ride offer. It was nice out that night though, and the school dorms were only a ten minute walk from your job.

“Are you sure you don’t want a ride? Crazy thing have been happening.” Nari asked.

“No, I’m okay. It’s a short walk and its nice out.” You said, smiling at her and her sister.

“Okay, if you need us just give Nari a call.” Her sister said, pulling away.

You had changed into your usual clothes, not wanting to draw any unnecessary attention. As you walked home, you at this weird feeling in your stomach that something was wrong. As you approached an ally you heard a groan. You slowly approached a black mass and when you looked closer, you saw a young man laying on the ground.

“Sir, are you alright?” You asked.

When he didn’t respond you turned him over and you gasped. It was Changbin. He had blood on his shirt and his eyes were screwed shut.

“Oh my god.” You said.

You looked around and saw no sign of help.

“Hey, I’m gonna call an ambulance okay?” You said, taking out your phone. 

Right before you could dial in the numbers, he reached his hand out and grabbed your phone.

“No.” He rasped.

“What do you mean no?” You asked with your eyes wide. You looked closer and saw a bad gash on his chest.

“Oh my god, you were stabbed.” You gasped.

“No hospitals.” He said.

“What should I do then?” You asked.

He didn’t respond, his eyes just closed as his breathing became more ragged. You sighed and hauled him up with your shoulder before half dragging him into your dorm room. Good thing there wasn’t tight security that night like there should of been. You looked through your dorm room, which was basically a small apartment, for anything medical. An idea hit you. He needed stitches, definitely. But he refused to go to a hospital. You weren’t allowed to work on humans but as long as he keeps his mouth shut it should be fine, right? 

“Hey. I have numbing needles and thread for stitches, but I’m only authorized to work on small animals. If you keep your mouth shut about it I’ll give you stitches, okay?” You said.

His eyes fluttered open and he nodded. You slowly reached your hands up and ripped open the top of his shirt. You couldn’t help but noticed how built he was. His chest was nice and firm with noticeable muscle. You shook those thoughts out of your head and cleaned the wound. He lost quite a bit of blood, but it wouldn’t be enough to need a transfusion. You slowly stuck the needle into his chest and began the stitching. His eyes were closed the whole time, and he didn't even flinch. After about ten minutes you finished and put everything away. You put a blanket over him then pondered about what you should do now. You had someone you hardly knew laying in your dorm with a stab wound to his chest.

Just then a phone rang, and it wasn’t yours. You looked over at him and noticed that he didn’t even move. You slowly slid your hand into his pocket, hoping it was someone who could tell you what was going on and what to do. The name that popped up on the screen was familiar. Chan.

“H-Hello?” You answered.

“Who the fuck are you?” He hissed.

“U-Um..”

“I swear if you’re part of the Busan boys you’re dead.” He hissed.

You froze at the name. The Busan Boys were a gang from Busan that had made their way over to Seoul. If they were after Changbin does that mean... He’s in a gang too?

“I swear I’ll-” He started.

“Ahem. I’m the girl from earlier and I found your friend in an ally way. I live in the campus dorms.” You said.

“Oh.... Okay.” He said.

About a half hour later of explaining the situation and giving him your address, you opened your door and saw Chan, a tall handsome boy, and the eldest in the group, standing outside of your dorm. You beckoned them in and took them to where Changbin was asleep. 

“You gave him stitches?” The tall handsome one asked suspiciously.

“Yeah. Don’t rat me out either. I’m supposed to work on animals, not people. But he wouldn't let me bring him to a hospital.” You said.

You saw the suspicion leave his eyes and was replaced with gratitude. 

“Thank you for taking care of him. I’m Hyunjin by the way.” He introduced himself.

“I’m Woojin.” The eldest said.

“And you probably saw my name come up on his phone, but I’m Chan.” Chan said.

“So you guys might try and kill me for asking this but... Are you guys a gang, or?” You asked.

They all stared at you then looked at each other. 

“Yeah, we are.” Chan finally said.

You nodded.

“I always thought you guys were a bunch of hoodlums.” You said, laughing a little.

The three of them laughed then checked on Changbin.

“I’ll drive him back to the house. Felix will keep an eye on him. Good thing it’s Friday.” Chan said.

“What happened to him? Who would do this?” You asked.

“I don’t know. We were all gonna meet up since the Busan Boys had jumped Minho a couple weeks ago, and when Changbin didn’t show up I knew something happened.” Chan said.

You walked them out then headed back in and plopped on your bed. That whole day was crazy and it made you exhausted as you thought about it. You literally just got yourself caught up with a gang. 

[adashofniallandasprinkleoflunacy]

the hades!harry vibes are strong in this photoshoot

[inspired by some ideas @harrysroleindunkirk came up with ;’)]

///

Hades could be such a narcissist at times and Persephone knows this.

She knows it very well because through all of the millennia she had spent married to him, she had seen the trait manifest across all different types of situations.

His slight narcissism was evident in the way Harry carried himself. How he went about the halls of the palace and the corridors of Olympus with his broad shoulders back, his chest puffed forward, and his expression set in a cool, stoney façade of superior indifference. It was present in the way he sat on his golden throne with his back perfectly straight and his thighs parted, not too wide but just enough to establish an aura of dominance in the humongous judging room.

It was evident in the smug, self-indulgent energy he gave off whenever servants, gods, and other mythological creatures praised him for anything he did. Whether it was higher beings complimenting his input during a council meeting up on Olympus, or members of his board expressing their awe at how smoothly he ran the Underworld, and even when a random nymph blushed bright green while serving him his wine. It all tickled him pink, feeding his ginormous godly ego to the brink.

And most of all (in her life, at least), it was ever-so prominent behind the thick black oak doors of their bedroom. It was in how Hades would fuck her up against the wall with her feet dangling off the ground, thighs clasped around his waist as he would grip her throat and jaw roughly, gritting his teeth while looking down upon her from over his cheeks, neon green electric currents webbing across the juniper shade of his irises. He would pound into her so hard the paintings would rattle on the obsidian walls, her hands clawing at his sweaty, flexing back as she released broken whines and pleas, shaking in his strong arms.

”Tell me how much you fucking love it. Want my dirty little thing to scream how bad she wants my cock.”

Harry’s narcissism wasn’t overwhelming by any means, but rather subtle and almost graceful, lurking beneath his natural confidence and waiting for the right moment to surface.

And it reveals itself now, as Y/N sits back on her heels amongst the dew-covered grass of her garden, looking small amidst the colorful arrays of daffodils, roses, and peonies. She’s grumbling to herself as she picks and prods at the fancy mechanism Harry had brought back from his trip overland, cursing humans for making everything more complex than it has to be.

“Oh, for Zeus’ sake, princess. Give it here.” Harry strides over from where he was leaning against a giant tree with leaves the color of red wine, taking the demented object from her grasp gently, rolling his eyes in a jesting manner. “Your age is starting to show. Can’t even work a camera.”

“Shut up.” Y/N snaps, a grouchy pout settling itself on her tinted lips as she crosses her arms over her chest grumpily, slumping down onto the ground fully, her bottom fitting in the space between her calves. “It’s not my fault! They’ve added so many more buttons since the last time I handled one.”

Persephone watches with a type of begrudging wonder as Harry turns a few knobs and slides his thumb over a small disk that clicks with every rotation. He looks through the tiny glass square at the top of the camera, focusing the lense on her and turning it slowly with professional ease.

“There we go.” He sighs giddily, stepping forward and extending the shiny black Canon toward his awaiting wife. His voice comes out warningly, but playfully so. “Now don’t go messing with the settings or I’ll have to do it all over again.”

“Now don’t go messing with the settings or I’ll have to do it all over again.” Y/N mocks in an irritated, high-pitched tone, yanking the equipment piece from his grasp and starring down at the minute screen. “I’ll do what I bloody please.”

Hades bends down so that they are level, setting his forearms on his knees and tilting his head slightly to the side teasingly. A single eyebrow kinks upwards, getting lose beneath a few curls that hang over his forehead (he’s been letting his hair grow out recently). “S’that so?”

“Yup. I’m gonna chuck this thing into the River Styx.”

Harry reaches a hand forward, cupping her jaw in his fingers and swiping his thumb over the faint dimple that curves at the center of her chin. “I love it when you’re a helpless little menace. Means you need me that much more.”

“Oh, fuck off!” Persephone scoffs, shoving his hand away by his wrist and glaring at him as he giggles boyishly.

“You know I love you, pet. It’s all in good fun.”

It takes a couple of minutes, but eventually Y/N manages to get a feel for how the camera works, fiddling with it as Harry mulls over what poses he should do for the impromptu photoshoot he’d decided on out of nowhere.

He had been up in the mortal world earlier that day, strolling through a shopping mall casually while thinking over his layout for the upcoming Halloween party up on Olympus. He was in charge of planning this year and it’d be utterly embarrassing if the god of the Dead delivered anything less than a bone-chilling extravaganza.

Hades had been entertaining the idea of a blood fountain instead of a chocolate fountain (he knows Zeus would never go for it, but he still wanted to suggest it) when he had stopped dead in his tracks in front of a store he had never seen before.

It was new, obvious in how shiny and pristine the interior looked through the spotless tall glass windows. The framework on the gilded doors was imprinted with images of exotic animals— lions, tigers, dragons— and glittered under the sunlight that streamed in from the glass dome that was at the center of the shopping mall.

Even more breathtaking than the exterior was the interior. Specifically, the clothing.

Racks upon racks of suits, shirts, pants, and accessories lined the store, the fabrics shimmering, looking expensive and custom-made and suited for a king, which he happened to be.

Hades felt light-headed for a second as his eyes trailed across a certain tuxedo jacket with a midnight blue background and silver flowers embroidered into the silk, the thread twinkling as if diamonds had been mixed into the material. Across the torso of the item, golden frills draped the sharp shoulders of the article, overlapped by an exaggerated black velvet collar that that folded grandly. On either sides of the oversized collar are two gilded metal lion head pins, studded with an array of jewels of all different colors— red, green, blue, yellow, and even lilac.

The tuxedo hugged a cloth manikin, which sported a starch white button-up beneath with a giant gemmed cross in the center. The whole look tied together beautifully and Harry then noticed that there was literal drool gathering along the inside of his bottom lip.

He’d wanted that suit and he wanted it now.

Hades only took a second to glance up at the giant neon Times New Roman letters that hovered above the entrance to the store, making a note of the name so he could go online and fawn over more clothes later.

GUCCI.

Walking in, Harry didn’t look like much. Just a young man in loose beige trousers, a pair of black boots, and a plain white t-shirt with the collar and sleeves bordered by dark blue accents. He quite liked the minimalist approach when he wondered the mortal world; he liked feeling like one of them.

But apparently, the woman at the register wasn’t too fond of his look, giving him a distasteful once-over and assuming that he was in a store-front that was heavily out of his league. The cheapest thing on stock cost no less than two grand and, frankly, the most expensive item the lean boy was wearing looked to cost not even a twelfth of that. She didn’t want some wannabe hipster wasting her time.

Little did she know Harry was anything but.

Hades had made a beeline for the outfit that had captured his heart, brushing his fingers along the fabric softly with care, almost of if he were afraid to disturb it. His array of rings gleamed under the buttery lights of the chandelier in the store, reflecting how he felt inside as the silk tickled the pads of his digits.

“Gods, it’s beautiful.” He had mumbled under his breath, thumb kissing the studded surface of one of the bejeweled tiger heads.

“It sure is.” The cashier had piped up with a faux sugary tone coating her voice, coming up behind him and trying to refrain from telling him to leave. “It’s expensive, as well.”

Harry had not even cast her a mere glance, continuing to admire the work of art before him. When he spoke up, his voice was distant, wistful, and somehow unconcerned at the reality check the lady was trying to implement. “How much?”

“Thirty-five thousand.”

There was a pause in the perfumed air and the employee almost smirked.

“I’ll take it.”

The worker then had blinked once, shocked into a stupefied silence. So shocked, in fact, that she can only comprehend this man’s words as some type of joke or prank. She had then reiterated.

“Thirty-five thousand up front, sir.”

Harry had then finally turned towards her to exchange stares for the first time, his thick brows pinched into an expression of unamused annoyance. “Yes, and I said I’ll take it. Is it not your job to do as the customer requests?”

“Yes, but—“

“Then ring me up, please and thank you.” He states with flat finality, fishing his wallet out of his back pocket. “And preferably now. I have somewhere to be.”

Harry can truly say that his favorite thing in the world— mortal, under, and godly— is the look on a person’s face when they realize Harry’s true stature. Not so much that he was a celestial being, but that he has a bank account that suggests he’s anything but your typical human.

Being the god of Death comes with its perks, including the title as god of riches and jewels since most of the rare gems lay beneath the ground, in Harry’s territory. Exchanging them for mortal money was not an issue at all.

Hades can’t help but scoff as the lady’s eyes had widened when his purchase went through, looking down at his debit card as if it had grown a hydra head. Her voice had come out tight and embarrassed. “Would you like your receipt?”

Harry had taken the hanger from her grasp, pushing his messy hair out of his eyes and cocking his head to the side mockingly. “I’m fine, thank you. Won’t be needing it.”

And that had landed him where he is now, strolling back and forth casually amongst Persephone’s most unique beds of floral and fauna, clad in his new outfit. It had fit him perfectly, as most things tended to do. It hugs his figure in all the right places, accentuating his strong shoulders and enthralling back muscles, tapering in at his waist and resting against his thick chest like it was tailored specifically to him.

As Y/N positions herself accordingly with the camera he had bought right after making the Gucci purchase, Harry decides that this suit will go down on his list of things that he loves to reside in. It’s a pretty small list: His palace, his crown, this look, and his wife.

Yeah, he definitely loves being inside all of those, some more than others. And especially all at the same time…but that’ll come after the photoshoot, if he has anything to do with it.

“Are you ready, darling?” Harry speaks up from his spot before a large tree with maroon leaves that sparkle like the stars.

“Yeah, get the goats ready!”

“Swell.” Harry sing-songs, bringing his diamond and gold ring-clad fingers to his lips and tucking his middle and thumb inside his mouth, releasing three quick spurts of whistles.

It takes a few moments, but then there is a faint shimmering in the air before him and a bright flash, from which three baby goats emerge, clobbering after one another, midway through a game of what appears to be tag.

“There you are, you little buggers.” Harry scoops up one of the magical goats— a silver one that shimmers exactly how the thread in his jacket does— settling it into the crook of his elbow and pressing a gentle kiss between its velvety ears. “Pan would kill me if I lost you guys. Threatened a reed pipe up my ass.”

The pearly goat looks up at him innocently with its big golden irises, releasing a curious bleat.

Harry doesn’t speak goat (it’s more of a nature god trait) so he just assumes the animal is praising him for his clothing taste and thanks it with a few scratches behind its tiny head.

Hades trails towards a certain rock formation that he thinks looks sturdy enough to sit on, the other two goats trailing behind him happily, hooves thudding giddily against the aromatic grass and stirring up the diamond sand beneath.

He sits down in his designated spot, scooting backwards until he’s fully balanced on the boulder, propping up one of his boots on a dip in the rock. “Perfect. Now I’ll just…”

Harry carefully takes one of the other baby goats into his big hand— a chocolate brown male whose horns are just beginning to bud, the keratin glinting with a certain iridescence that suggests the little guy isn’t just any ordinary farm animal.

He places the boy next to his lap, where the creature sniffs at his thigh hesitantly before deciding it is a worthy pillow. The goat folds its legs beneath its body, laying down nonchalantly and snuggling its head against Harry’s upper leg.

“You like the casual look, don’t you?” Harry coos, patting it lovingly, to which the lamb responds with a soft, satisfied bleat.

“Alright, two accounted for. Now, where’s your other sister…” Hades looks around, a small pinprick of panic knotting his stomach as he can’t seem to spot the last goat anywhere.

“Y/N, have you seen—“ Before he can finish his question, he gets his answer.

Persephone is sitting cross-legged on the ground a few feet away, the camera discarded carelessly beside her, replaced by the last animal that his friend had lent him. His wife is carrying the goat in her arms like a child, rocking it ever-so slightly as she kisses between its lilac-tinted eyes, giggling every time the goat blinks its long lashes.

Y/N rubs her fingers through the buck’s golden fur, tracing the spots of sparkly grey that are sprinkled in certain places. “Aren’t you just the prettiest girl? Yes, you are! And you smell so nice, too. Y’like lavender, huh? Me too.”

Harry can practically see the goat preening in Persephone’s arms, obvious from how she actively seeks out his wife’s palm and cradles her head into it, licking at her fingers.

“Babe!” He hates to interrupt, but they really should get to shooting. “Pan said we have to have them back by 8! We gotta hurry.”

“Right, right, sorry!” Y/N sets the baby animal down on the ground, pointing towards her husband and encouraging her to go over with its siblings.

When Hades finally has all of the lambs situated accordingly (he’d placed the last one beside his other thigh), Persephone begins flashing the photos.

He hasn’t modeled in a while— not since his last self-portrait, which was around sixty years or so ago when he was painted by his good friend, Pablo Picasso. That man really knew his angles. He visits him in Elysium every once in a while.

Harry tries to imitate what he’s seen in fashion shows on television and in episodes of America’s Next Top Model (those girls were fucking fierce, for Zeus’ sake), pouting his lips slightly and looking at different points in space to flex his best sides. He tilts his gold laurel crown back a bit, pushing his curls out of his face to get a cleaner picture, staring directly at the camera with his lips parted in a smize and it amuses him to no end when he sees the flowers next to Y/N’s feet grow a little bigger.

At one point, the goat in his arms reaches up and bops its nose against his chin in a kiss, the cold tip of its snout causing Harry’s face to scrunch up as a boyish giggle escapes the corners of his lips. “S’cold, stop it!”

Y/N’s heart nearly melts right out of her, then and there, as she clicks the scene as many times as the camera will allow.

The photos come out pretty decent and she’s surprised that there were so few she butchered (there was an incident where the camera wasn’t flashing and she turned it around to see if the lense was open and ended up getting a high definition image of her nostrils instead).

After all is said and done, Harry opens a portal into Olympus, herding the goats through by patting there behinds gently. “I’ll see you guys another time! Tell Pan thank you! And Acacia, please stop gnawing on your brother’s horns. Thank you.”

Hades swings an arm around Persephone, looking over her shoulder as she clicks through the photos, feeling his ego inflate a bit.

“I look good, don’t I?”

She doesn’t catch his smug tone immediately, too focused on tampering with the lighting on one of the pictures. “Yeah, you look great, honey.”

“Mm,” he presses his lips to her temple, puckering soft kisses along her skin and up the line of her eyebrow, “did this suit justice. Best thirty-five grand I’ve ever spent.”

Y/N pauses her actions, craning her neck to the side to look at him, her eyebrows shooting up in mild surprise. ”Thirty-five grand?”

Harry pouts childishly at her scolding tone. “Am I not allowed to splurge on myself every once in a while?”

“Of course you can. But that’s enough to buy a fucking car, Harry. And you spent it on a single tux?”

Hades looks down at the metal tips of his burgundy leather boots, eyelashes fluttering in an embarrassed manner. “I really wanted it, though!”

Persephone sighs, turning fully to press a peck to his plumped lips. “It’s alright, baby. As long as you’re happy, then.”

The edges of Harry’s lips tilt up into a sheepish grin. “I’m happy, yeah. Feel like a right king.”

“Good, cause you are.” She reaches up and drags the pad of her index finger down the curved bridge of his nose and along his jaw, using the single digit to guide his head upwards, where she locks their lips in a few quick, wet kisses. “My handsome lord.”

Harry’s tongue wonders out to lick at the corner of his mouth slyly, feeling the inside of his chest grow warm. “Love it when you call me your lord.”

“Yeah?” Persephone blinks up at him with hooded eyes, her own pretty lips tilting up into a suggestive grin. “Why’s that?”

Harry’s hands coast up here hips, fisting lightly at her dress as his voice drops an octave. “It’s so fuckin’ hot.”

“Fitting, since that’s exactly what you are.” Y/N murmurs, draping her arms over his hard shoulders, hands pressed across the expanse of his upper back, one holding the camera tightly while the other runs over the silky material of the suit coat.

And now is one of those moments Y/N had mentioned before, where she can see Harry’s narcissism starting to flare up.

It’s evident in the way he’s suckling his bottom lip, batting his eyelashes in a sultry, rhythmic pace that suggests lascivious intentions. In how his neck veins are flexing alluringly in an attempt to seduce. In how he tilts his head to the side a bit to draw his jaw taunt. In how a watery, verdurous glint washes across the whites of his eyes for a millisecond.

Y/N slides one hand up the back of his neck into the curls along the nape, tangling them between her fingers and tugging at them in a quick, rough manner that jets his chin upwards and pulls his throat tight over his Adam’s apple.

Harry releases a quiet hum at the harsh movement, basking in the way his scalp tingles and in the way the tendons underneath his jaw stretch. His mouth parts in a small, open-mouthed simper, dimples peeking through his cheeks.

“What was tha’ for?” He swallows thickly, not being able to hide it as his Adam’s Apple bobs heavily.

“Nothing, really. Just know you like it.” Y/N laps fully at the center of his juglar, blowing over it lightly. ”My lord.”

”Fucking hell.” Hades growls, ripping himself from her grasp and grabbing her hand almost savagely, yanking her towards the exit of the garden that heads directly to the palace.

Y/N scrambles along, barely being able to keep up with his long strides. She already knows the answer, but she asks anyways just to toy with her husband.

“Where are we going?”

“Don’t play fucking dumb with me, pet.” Harry throws a look over his shoulder, the corner of his mouth curling into a seductive sneer. “You know damn well where we’re going and what I’m gonna do to you.”

Y/N flutters her eyelashes at him innocently, her lips pouty. “What are we gonna do?”

“We’re gonna do another photoshoot. A nude edition.”

[buzzdixonwriter]

America: Not The New Jerusalem, Merely Another Rome

”When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” -- Paul the Apostle (1 Corinthians 13:11 KJV)

”And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” -- Jesus Christ of Nazareth (John 8:34 KJV)

Ronald Reagan, tending the garden of thorns Dick Nixon had sown, referred to America as “a city on a hill”, thus appropriating Jesus’ words via John Winthrop through John F. Kennedy.

It’s interesting to chart the progression.  Let’s do so in reverse.

Reagan: ”I've spoken of the shining city all my political life, but I don't know if I ever quite communicated what I saw when I said it. But in my mind it was a tall, proud city built on rocks stronger than oceans, wind-swept, God-blessed, and teeming with people of all kinds living in harmony and peace; a city with free ports that hummed with commerce and creativity. And if there had to be city walls, the walls had doors and the doors were open to anyone with the will and the heart to get here. That's how I saw it, and see it still.”

Kennedy: ”I have been guided by the standard John Winthrop set before…’We must always consider…that we shall be as a city upon a hill—the eyes of all people are upon us’. Today the eyes of all people are truly upon us—and our governments, in every branch, at every level, national, state and local, must be as a city upon a hill—constructed and inhabited by men aware of their great trust and their great responsibilities…History will not judge our endeavors—and a government cannot be selected—merely on the basis of color or creed or even party affiliation. Neither will competence and loyalty and stature, while essential to the utmost, suffice in times such as these. For of those to whom much is given, much is required…”

Winthrop: ”Now the only way to…provide for our posterity is to follow the counsel of Micah, to do justly, to love mercy, to walk humbly with our God, for this end, we must be knit together in this work as one man, we must entertain each other in brotherly affection, we must be willing to abridge ourselves of our superfluities, for the supply of others’ necessities, we must uphold a familiar commerce together in all meekness, gentleness, patience and liberality, we must delight in each other, make others’ conditions our own, rejoice together, mourn together, labor, and suffer together, always having before our eyes our commission and community in the work, our community as members of the same body, so shall we keep the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace… for we must consider that we shall be as a City upon a Hill, the eyes of all people are upon us; so that if we shall deal falsely with our God in this work we have undertaken and so cause Him to withdraw His present help from us, we shall be made a story and a byword through the world, we shall open the mouths of enemies to speak…curses upon us till we be consumed out of the good land whether we are going”

Jesus: ”Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.” (Matthew 5:14 KJV) 

Go back and read Reagan’s statement.

While I’ve trimmed Kennedy and Winthrop’s quotes and edited the latter for clarity (God bless Noah Webster for standardized spelling!), there’s a striking difference between what they saw as a city on a hill and what Reagan saw.

Reagan operates under the presumption that of course we’re the best, of course everyone else will look up to us, of course we are the New Jerusalem referenced in the Bible.

We are God’s anointed, His new chosen people.  America is God’s Promised Land, a nation to which all other nations can merely hope to aspire to be.

Our shitte truly stinketh notte.

Reality?   We have fucked up and we have fucked up badly.

Compare Reagan’s self-congratulatory, ignorant nostalgia with the dire warnings of Kenney and Winthrop.

Yes, there is great promise.

Yes, there is great potential.

Yes, we are a city on a hill.

But Kennedy and Winthrop both cautioned that history and the world would not be kind if we failed to live up to our own grandiose promises.

 (And, yeah, there’s irony in that, considering how both failed to make good on those promises, ///but at least they knew the danger was there///.)

Look at Matthew 5:13, the verse immediately preceding Jesus’ original “city on a hill” reference: ”Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men.”

America is no New Jerusalem, no Holy Israel of the New World, no Promised Land.

Rather, we are the New Rome, an empire built on greed and ruthlessness and blood and genocide.

And slavery.  Let us never omit that original sin, or its bastard step-sibling, white supremacy.

As long as the history of this nation was written by the Parson Weems of the world, be they well meaning hagiographers or unprincipled propagandists, it was the history of white Christianist* men of property succeeding because God and / or providence had deemed them the masters of the universe, the unquestioned rulers of the earth.

(Oh, there might be a mean one once in a while, maybe an occasional bad one, but it was a white man with money’s world, and if non-whites and non-males wanted to enjoy even the slightest taste, the first thing they had to doo was make sure white Christianist male supremacy reigned supreme.)

Our nation has been at war virtually its entire existence.

It has slaughter and subjugated literally millions of people around the world.

Don’t give me that bullshit about the American Revolution being a good and just war -- Canada stayed under British rule and did just fine, thank you, and although they have their own problems, a far less bloody history than the United States.**

Don’t give me that bullshit about the Civil War being a good and just war -- there shouldn’t have been any need for a civil war if the first shipload of African slaves to arrive in North America had simply been seized and freed.

Don’t give me that bullshit on World War Two being a good and just war -- if Hitler hadn’t declared war on us, we would have never gotten involved in Europe.***

America has waged incessant war against other nations and native peoples in order to make a few wealthy people even wealthier.

Can we justify the War of 1812?  No.

Can we Justify the Mexican War?  No.

Can we justify the Spanish-American War or the too numerous to recount Latin American bush wars?  No.

Can we justify the Philippines, or Korea, or Vietnam?

Don’t even pretend we can justify what we’ve done in the Middle East.

And as terrible as those are, those are the crimes we’ve committed against others.

Look at how terribly we treat one another.

After centuries of enslavement, African-Americans then needed to endure the humiliation of segregation.

Hispanic Americans who can trace their ancestry in this land much further back than any Anglo found themselves aliens in their own country.

Women and non-Christians and anybody outside of toxic white male heterosexual norms declared unfit and excluded from the public sphere.

And we allowed the tiny greedy few at the very top to rob us and pick our pockets and let our families and children suffer because they promised us if we did so, they’d let us feel that we were the best simply because we were white Christianist males.

We are long overdue for our moment of clarity, our agonizing reappraisal, out “come to Jesus” moment when we recognize our sins and shortcomings.

We gotta stop eating our own bullshit and recognize ourselves for the villains we are.

Only by identify the source of the contagion and draining the virulent infection can we hope to cure it.

”Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.

”And because I tell you the truth, ye believe me not.” -- Jesus Christ of Nazareth (John 8:44-45 KJV) 

 © Buzz Dixon

 *  “Christianist” is a term coined by the political commentator Andrew Sullivan to refer to those people who are culturally Christian, who may even think of themselves as Christian, but in reality are as far from the teachings of Christ as is possible and just use their so-called Christian identity as an excuse to do whatever the fuck they feel like doing because “God loves us and forgives us and wants us to be in charge”.

**  The taxation in “no taxation without representation” referred to England trying to get the colonies to take at least partial responsibility for triggering the bloody Seven Years War (in the U.S., the French & Indian War) that virtually drained England’s treasury and wrecked a couple of European empires in the process.  One may argue the crown made a fatal misstep in not allowing token colonial participation in parliament, but you can’t say they were unfair in wanting the colonials to help pay for a war ///we started/// in direct violation of international treaties.

***  Not only were many prominent Americans against getting involved in European affairs, but a large number were pro-Nazi to boot, and they went to ground only when Hitler made it impossible to defend him any longer. And while we’re at it, let’s dispel with the myth that Hitler and the Axis would have won if the U.S. hadn’t stepped into the fray; Hitler lost WWII on June 22, 1941 when he invaded Russia. Contrary to the popular culture of the US and western Europe, it was Russia that took on the brunt of the German war machine, and Russia that painstakingly ground them down at great cost. To put it simply, Russia would have still beaten Germany without the help of the Allies; the Allies might not have beaten Germany without the help of the Russians.  And while Japan was reeling from saturation bombings and the destruction of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, Russia declaring war on them was the moment they realized there was no hope left.

[bts-svt-mx]

Maid For You (Part 2) Taehyung x Reader

Author: bts-svt-mx

Taehyung x Reader

Jungkook x Reader

Rating: Fluff, M, eventual smut if i get to it lol

Tags: Slow burn, Enemies to Lovers AU, Idol! Taehyung, Taehyung x Reader, Jungkook x Reader, Hoseok, mentions of other members

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 (M), 6, 7, 8, 9, 10

Word Count: 2,000

Description: Wanting to get out of your parents house and experience what the world had to offer is way more expensive than people tell you it will be. So when your glamorous “manager to the stars” cousin Hoseok hooks you up with a  job as the live-in maid for a hillside, massive mansion, you feel as though life might actually be looking up. That is until the mansion’s absentee high profile celebrity owner surprises you by moving back in leaving you to wonder if this mansion is big enough for you and his huge ego. 

“Not that I’m not enjoying the show… but may I ask,” Kim Taehyung, Grammy winning world famous pop star, looks you up and down as his features twist into something more stern, angry even. “Who are you and what are you doing in my house?”

You were going to kill Hoseok.

Chapter 2:

They say to never meet your idols, and after today, you think you know why.

There you are, in front of one of your favorite singers in the whole world and all you can do is stand there looking like a cat caught with his hand in the fishbowl.

The utter look of displeasure plastered on his face made you feel uneasy.  You can’t help but stare blankly at him taking in his rude tone of voice.

Is this real? Have the chemicals just gotten to your head? You thought you had read the labels and made sure they were safe but you probably should have opened up a window or- “Hello?” Snap, snap, snap. Kim Taehyung’s hand is now directly in front of your face snapping repeatedly.  “What, are you suddenly mute now?” He scoffs moving out of your immediate personal space once again.

Curse your awkward staring. You always knew you had a bad habit of staring off into space. And today that space just happened to be occupied by your favorite idol in the world. “Y-you hired me.” It comes out kind of like a squeak but you speak up again, voice a little shaky from the surprise he just gave you. “I’m Y/N…” His face is still blank. Zero recognition going through his brain. “The live in maid...” You continue. Shouldn’t he know who he hired to take care of his home? Or at least know your name if he didn’t know your face? This whole situation is so awkward. You were in your pajamas still for goodness sake!

You blame stupid Hoseok.

Taehyung’s stare that once made your knees weak a year ago makes your stomach settle weirdly now that it’s actually directed towards you. He’s like a photograph come to life. A beautiful, rude picture. God, why did he have to open up his mouth and ruin it?

“I didn’t hire you.” Taehyung spits. “My manager did.”  He leisurely walks around the room picking up random things and analyzing them. It’s odd. He looks as though he’s never seen this place before. He looks... out of place.

“Just like he does everything without my permission,” he mumbles, almost as an afterthought. Looking over to you, a slight smirk creeps over his once unreadable expression. “And where did he find you? Craigslist?”

Your jaw literally drops. How dare he ask you a question like that? You would think he’d be a little bit more considerate since you’re pretty much strangers. Obviously he doesn’t know his basic manners or how to be a decent person for that matter.

If there’s one thing you hate, it’s blatant rudeness. It’s like a light switch. 0 to 100. Your blood begins to boil.

It’s official, you’re pissed.

Well this is definitely not what you always imagined meeting him would be like. More like you imagined you’d run into him on the side of the street, him knocking you over. And he’d catch you before falling to the ground, look into your eyes and- well.. that fantasy popped like a pink bubblegum bubble stretched too far. The initial shock and excitement of coming face to face with your favorite idol had subsided and now you were just angry at his disrespect and quite frankly, kind of offended for Hoseok’s sake too.

He’s back on the other side of the kitchen, analyzing a red and olive colored ceramic rooster and for a moment, you think you see a look of relief and soft eyes before he picks up a similar ceramic frog next to it and cringes at it’s ugly yellow/green color. There he is, looking so nonchalant, not even caring how blunt he is being in the moment. Not even caring how his words might hurt you.

Standing up straighter you find your voice again. You don’t care who he is. You weren’t going to take this disrespect from him. “Your house would have looked like the Haunted Mansion by now if it wasn’t for me cleaning this massive place while you were out for months wasting money and partying it up in a different country every day.”

His gaze quickly snaps back to you, surprise reflecting in his face from your more than un-lady like tone of voice. What? So he can talk to you like you’re nothing but you can’t do the same back to him?

“And Hoseok’s a good man,” you continue.  “He works his ass off to make sure you’re happy every day which I’m sure can’t be an easy job.”

It’s true. Hoseok can’t really talk about his clients but he does tell you about how exhausted they make him. Hoseok never really lets it get to him though and you know he bounces back quickly, but still. No one disrespects your family like that.

“So who are you to blame him for hiring a damn housekeeper for you while you’re away?” you sputter out quickly. Woah Y/N. Where did all of this aggression come from? He had only really said 3 or 4 things to you. Granted, every one of those things was something insulting. Your confidence began to falter again. His hard gaze on you was making you self conscious. Tearing your eyes away from his for the first time, you look down and toy with the hem of your Mickey Mouse pajama shirt.

Wait, no. Look up again Y/N, you can’t give him the feeling he’s winning here.

“And who are you to make me feel like I’m the one intruding here?” You add, trying to fake more confidence. Voice raising to a yell. “You know nothing about me or this house. You look like you’ve never even seen this place before!”

Your own words hit your ears with a boom as they bounce off of the marble walls. Shit.. that was probably too far. Ugh. Why can’t you ever keep your mouth shut? You were so going to be fired after this. Goodbye to the freedom of the city, hello Mom and Dad’s house. Again.

Using both of his hands to push himself off of the edge of the countertop he’s leaning on, he scoffs. Expression once again unreadable. A closed book with no title.

“Of course I know you,” He speaks, eyes narrowing.

Slowly, he makes his way over to the refrigerator where you stand. You don’t know how, but he’s clearly taken back the control in this conversation.

Suddenly you feel small again. Obviously he isn’t used to being questioned and you just had to go ahead and run your mouth. 

“You’re just another fangirl desperately pulling any strings she can to get close to me.” He explains laughing slightly, but devoid of any real humor. It’s at this point you realize how tall and broad he is. Towering over you in the physical sense and also in the metaphorical sense. Closer and closer he walks. Suffocating you like a snake coiling around its prey.

His lips curl into a condescending smirk as he places his hand flat against the freezer door effectively trapping you in. “What? Do you actually believe in your insane, obsessed mind that you would have a chance with me if you got close to me?” His eyes scan your face, assessing just how much his words are affecting you. There’s hatred in his voice. Though for you or for himself, you’re not quite sure.

His face is so close. You could feel his breath on your cheek. Surprisingly very minty with a hint of jasmine, you think. And his cologne… Not too overwhelming but definitely distinct enough where you were certain you’d be able to pick it out anywhere from now on. It melted through the air, wrapping around you slowly until it was all that you could focus on.

Woah... it was really messing with your brain.

His other hand reaches out to move a strand of your hair that had fallen out of your bun while dancing just a few moments ago. Effectively ripping you out of your former lifestyle being the pseudo owner of this huge mansion and thrusting you into your reality of being a full time maid.

Because really, that was all you were.

Sure, you had your fun living in this house by yourself with all the freedom in the world at your fingertips. But did you expect it to last forever?

You don’t want it to, but your heart chooses this moment to start beating like it’s about to pop out of your chest. The look he’s giving you right now.. you know it well. And you’re sure it’s the one he uses to get any girl he wants, whenever he wants.

The only thing connecting the two of you physically is his fingers threaded around the strand of your hair. You might as well have been fully pressed against each other with the amount of heat you feel creeping up inside of you. And though you don’t really want to admit it, you have to physically restrain yourself from pushing yourself into him by gripping firmly onto the refrigerator door handle behind you.

“Well, you are quite pretty,” You didn’t know it was possible but his voice drops to an even lower octave. Vibrating through your chest as he speaks. 

He’s considering his next words carefully. Gaze following the lines of your face. Eyes meeting eyes, moving across the map of your face to your nose, your reddened cheeks, then finally landing on your lips.

“Maybe if you don’t turn out to be a complete psycho I might actually fuck you.” His eyes dark, smirk still plastered on his face. “You know, to get you out of my way and save us both some time.”  

What you thought was your heart about to burst out of your chest turned out to be a fit of laughter causing Taehyung to recoil quickly, pulling his hands from the side of your head and away from your hair out of surprise. His face contorting into something of a mix between confusion and disgust as you cackled in his face. You almost couldn’t get your next sentence out as you doubled over laughing.

“See...” More laughing. Any feelings of lust caused by his entrancing scent now replaced with amusement in an instant. “That’s where you’re wrong,” Even more laughing. Wow, it’s been a while since you laughed this much.

“I could give less of a fuck about who you are.” You say mocking his vulgar word choice. A few more giggles leaving your lips. Okay, it was a lie. You’ll admit that. The you of last year would have been freaking out about who was in front of the present day you right now. But the situation you were in is just so ironic! You had dreamed about meeting Taehyung for a couple of years now and now that it has actually happened, it’s so completely the opposite of what you had always played out in your head that it was almost… well, yeah actually it was just hilarious.

Who would've thought the world’s sweetheart would be such a complete and total douchebag?  

“Hoseok didn’t even tell me who owned this place.” You tried to catch your breath as the giggles finally subsided.  “I just needed easy money and a place to sleep. Hell, I don’t even know what you do for a living!” Okay, that’s another lie but honestly, who really cares at this point. Clearly the respect and love for him you had before was just of the image he portrayed to the media. 

That was not the man standing in front of you right now. And it made you more than a little angry. What’s a little white lie at this point when he’s been lying to the whole world for who knows how long?

“Now if you’ll excuse me,” You push yourself away from in front of the refrigerator putting the mop in the small cleaning supply closet a few steps away. Taehyung hasn’t moved an inch. Now it’s his turn to be speechless. “I have a job to continue doing seeing as I’m the main person making sure your house doesn’t end up looking like an abandoned dump with all the dust the piling up from no one EVER USING ANYTHING HERE,” You practically scream the last part in his direction, words reverberating off the walls once again as you turn swiftly on your heel to head rather quickly to your room on the West side of the mansion.

You had a phone call to make.

<-- Previous Chapter | Next Chapter -->

[orderoftheavengers]

Accio War Machine! 

Summary: Gryffindor Prefect, turned into a merman

House: Gryffindor

Species: Merman, formerly human

Blood Status: Pureblood

Broom: Hijacked one of Tony's earlier models

Wand: Rowan, 16 inches, unicorn tail hair

Patronus: Greyhound

Specialty: Flying, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Transfiguration

Sorting

"Hold the freaking phone," cries out Albus Severus Potter. "So Hawkeye, and original Avenger and Order of the Shield Agent, is in Hufflepuff, and Bucky Barnes, who joined the army and defended dweeb Rogers and held his own under torture multiple times, is also a Hufflepuff, but this generic sidekick is a Gryffindor? What's your logic on that one, Hat?"

The Sorting Hat takes a long swig from its flask of Firewhisky, and clears its throat with a long belch. "My logic, Four-Eyes, is that I sort by defining traits. Hakweye is first and foremost a family guy. Becoming a secret agent takes balls, but he's still not front of the line. He's fighting from a distance. And he's too much of a one-trick pony to be a Ravenclaw. And as for Barnes, he's too much of a freaking cinnamon roll to be anywhere but Hufflepuff. Rhodes on the other hand is first and foremost a soldier--even when there's no war going on."

Green-haired Teddy Lupin throws in, "But he's a flying soldier! He fights from a distance like Hawkeye!"

"But he doesn't get to hide like Hawkeye," the Hat argues. "He's out there in the sky, like an X-Wing pilot, and he's doing that with no special abilities sans his equipment. And if he's in the middle of a drunken civil war, he'll probably pick his side based on his chivalrous duties, rather than his personal feely loyalties. He stands up to his best friend a lot better than most people, and that's including people whose best friend isn't Tony Stark!"

Hawkeye protests, "But I stand up to my friends! ...when....when I'm part of a whole team that's standing up to another team....'kay." He quietly sits down.

"Know what I think?" Rose Potter says. "I think Hufflepuff and Gryffindor are pretty much the same house, except you put all the badasses in Gryffindor and all the fluff-potatoes in Hufflepuff."

"Well aren't you clever," the Hat snaps.

Under the hat, a patient James Rhodes asks flatly, "Can I go to my table now?"

"Yes. You're in Gryffindor. Get lost!"

"Don't mind if I do."

An Unlikely, But Very Necessary Friendship

James Rhodes came from a long line of Gryffindors and Aurors, and was more than eager to carry on the family tradition. By fifth year he was a Prefect, and, due to his superior sense of responsibility and common sense, Head of Gryffindor House (over Cap and Thor!)

Not content to simply fight with Slytherins like Harry Potter, Rhodey took on the Herculean task of befriending and talking sense into the Serpent House's most insufferable and unstable member. (Edit from Tony Stark: "T'hehe, 'member!'") Rhodey wound up becoming a Bloody Baron to Tony Stark's Peeves. As it happened, Tony already had a Gryffindor study partner named Happy Hogan, but even Happy failed to be much more of a yesman to Tony.

An Unlikely, But Very Necessary Ass-Whooping

When Tony began using his broom and wand whist intoxicated, endangering his fans, Pepper tattled to Rhodey. Rhodey, knowing that the Hogwarts adult staff was still as incompetent as it had been for the last thousand years, didn't bother alerting any teachers, and simply hopped onto a table with his wand out, declaring, "Party's over. Tony, get off you're broom, or I'll get up there and knock you off, with your other broom."

Tony slurred at his friend, “Only I can summon any of my brooms!”

Rhodey raised his wand and said flatly, “Accio War Machine.”

“Who the f*ck is War Machi--?” Tony was cut off when the end of the silver broomstick arrowed into his forehead, sending him off his own broom and against the wall.

Rhodey explained from where he hovered aboard War Machine, “I had a chat with this broom a while back, and it likes me better. It’s not a Stark Broom anymore.” "You're dead to me, Mark-2!" Tony slurred, shaking a fist at the silver, bristly traitor. Rhodey ordered calmly, "Give up, and sober up."

“F*ck you!” Tony drunkenly waved his wand at his friend. "I'll shrink that big Black broom of yours, Rhodey! Er.... what's the opposite of 'engorgio?" Rhodey dodged the spell Tony unintentionally set off, which wound up hitting Scott Lang (in ant form) and causing him to grow into an ant large enough to crash through Rosmertta's roof. Rhodey and Tony then dueled. Rhodey won, and Rosmertta threw Tony out of her bar. The two wound up making up, and Rodey felt bad to learn that Tony had thought he was dying at the time of that duel, but Tony still also had to feel bad about endangering other people's lives like that. The two completely got over the fight, and were on speaking terms again and fighting together by the end of the week. When asked what the secret to maintaining a friendship after such a violent fight, Rhodey replied, "There are several factors that come into play. Like, the ass-whooping and scolding being deserved. And leaving the ass-whopped friend in his warm castle, rather than, say, f*ck-freezin Siberia. And apologizing with your own words, instead of syrupy cliches."

"For chrissake, am I EVER gonna live that down?" Steve Rogers screamed. "We were all drunk and high and playing Quidditch with literal Idiot Balls! Galdalf's dick, I saved Vision and Wanda how many times, I called Tony Earth's best defender, and I said 'I am Steve Rogers!' WHAT THE F*CK DO YOU WANT FROM ME? And for your information, every time I shed a tear, a bald eagle DIES!" He then left the Gryffindor commonroom's lobby and made his way up to the boy's dormitory, slamming the door behind him. Cosmetic Magic

While Rhodes was normally great at standing his ground, he did occasionally let Tony talk him into drinking underage. In a drunken confession, Rhodes complained, "I want a cosmetic magic makeover. I'm sick of looking like that dumb stupid tool from 'Crash.'"

Tony nodded. "You wanna look like your own unique person."

"No, I wanna look like the badass guy from 'Crash!'"

Rhodey eventually got his wish, and was literally unrecognizable to everyone until they heard Tony call him "Rhodey." They quickly got used to the new Rhodey though, and soon found the old one waving irritably in older (wizarding) photographs, and flipping "new Rhodey" the bird.

Loss of Legs

During a fiasco Quidditch match, Rhodey took a badly-aimed and drunkenly-worded spell from none other than Vision. No one, even Vision, knows what spell the humanoid Care Bear was attempting to cast, or which one he did end up casting; only that Rhodey was irreversibly transformed into a merman. Tony fretted and angst over his BFF being unable to walk, trying on clamshell bras, combing his hair with silverware, and singing about his collection of "human stuff."

Despite all the bad blood, Rhodey was not bothered at all when Steve Rogers and others apparated into the Gryffindor commonroom. (While Rhodey had graduated, he'd already had a summer internship lined up with the Flying department.) Rhodey had been in the middle of a fireplace phone-call with Professor Thaddeus Ross, the Head and embarrassment of Gryffindor House. Ross said some angry things at the Cap, that no one remembers, because Ross is a tool who no one wastes time listening to. And Rhodey was only happy to see everyone, Cap included, because that horribly mis-managed drunken brawl didn't deserve any more continuity nods than absolutely necessary, as far as Rhodey was concerned.

King T'Challa, on the other hand, Rhodey had a wee bit of bitter sass for.

“It’s too bad I don’t know a Brother with lots of money and influence, from the most advanced wizarding country in the world, in the Mother Land, that just announced they want to share their advanced magic with the rest of the planet! It's too bad there's no king around like that, who could commission his genius little sister to help a Brother get his legs back!”

"Alas, 'tis not that simple," the king sighed."

“WHY THE F*CK NOT?"

"Alas," T'Challa sighed again, and the scene changed.

Wand, Patronus, etc.

Rhodey's wand is Rowan, a very strong European wood associated with defense against malevolent forces, and guiding the lost. Unicorns are quiet, elegant creatures associated with chivalry and royalty, known for both aiding people and whooping their asses clean off. Ditto for his Patronus, the Greyhound. The Patronus's species goes beyond the whole "loyal BFFs are dogs" and Rhodey being tall and skinny; Greyhounds are hunting dogs, that fought with and befriended royalty. They are specifically known for their speed and eyesight, which are both traits of an Air Force member Flyer.  

While Slytherin Tony flies around on Gryffindor colors, Gryffindor Rhodey's broom is a greenish-silver. The two of them enjoy using each other's House colors, to f*ck with people.

A/N: But seriously, why HASN'T Black Panther helped fix Rhodey's paralysis yet?