#its really silly and i shouldnt care this much

[angelpuns]

Catholic Guilt will really get to you about the stupidest shit ever why is this so stressful

[perenlop]

okay so as a gen 5 stan who does adore the story in bw and bw2, and now that gen 5 has experienced both a vicious hatedom that wouldnt hear a single positive thing about the games, and now a super protective fandom that insists they were perfect and had zero flaws... can we admit now that the bw1 story at least was. a little mid.

[pandoratheprocrasticreator]

I know hello future me is like. THE guy who talks about avatar the last airbender in all of his videos. But did he really have to do it like that in the one about the japanese human experimentation death camps? Its part of his central thesis about how japanese war crimes arent in the cultural memory like german ones are but. It should have been like. An example at the very end. Not the first thing he talks about right after the intro.

Like call me a prude but i think talking about how the fire nation is inspired by imperial japan between clips of graphic descriptions and heartwrenching witness testimonies of japans crimes against humanity is uhhhhhhhhh bad taste!

[ranboolivesaysstuff]

IMPORTANT POST PLEASE READ

Im gonna be honest and open for a sec, and please do not take this as "oh I HATE my community or I dont like the people who watch me" but honestly as of late (and I did highlight this during the mcc bit), ive felt like I havent been able to really be in my own community simply because of the constant way that "discourse" is handled. Making vague posts and not really tackling issues in a good way, all that is going to do is just show people a big "THIS COMMUNITY BAD" sign and not actually help anything within the community, all its going to do is have the good and potentially good people leave or not join in the first place. The way that discourse is treated that ive seen has been the main reason why I have started to try to distance myself, which has been the most heartbreaking thing I have had to do. I want problems to be solved in a mature, civil way, with either a dm or a reply, not an entire vague thing that only says "bad things are happening" and doesnt elaborate on anything or barely elaboratesa and only gives people on both the inside and outside a bad sign of what the community is. Making posts whenever something happens being like "here we go again" is only going to highlight the wrong things, and actually DOESNT help the issue at all! The problems should be discussed directly with the people who are doing said problems FIRST! Bring attention to behaviors and things that arent good DIRECTLY! And also, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO!!! It is not your duty as a viewer or fan of me to be involved in any of this if you do not want to! Just enjoy the content and make silly posts! As someone who constantly tried to fix and get into every problem as it was happening, it took a huge toll on my mental health, and I want you guys to just be able to enjoy the content without having to worry about what you say about it! Be constructive! Dont make posts again just being like "wow this community is so bad" because that doesnt solve literally anything! If you have enough passion to make the posts saying "wow this community is bad" then only post about that, you are only spreading that negative message, and not uplifting anything of actual value! And if the person you are trying to help is not willing or not listening, BLOCK! MUTE! DONT BRING MORE ATTENTION TO THE PERSON IF THEY ARE NOT BEING A GOOD PART OF THE COMMUNITY!!!! I know I say that if I see problems I will call them out, but I shouldnt have to babysit every single time a thing happens within the community as that just isnt a healthy way for a creator or a community to be handled. This does not mean that I do not care about the issues or dont want them fixed, rather it shouldnt take me having to make some grand statement every single time something happens it should take only your own self reflection and self awareness. And to add onto this, make sure that every once in a while no matter who you are you think and have that self reflection, you should be open to being willing to learn and grow as a person! And again, I do NOT want anyone taking this as "Wow this community is terrible" but rather that we just have things that need to be fixed and changed and THAT IS OKAY! I do not hate the community, I care so much about it that I want it to be a silly place for my content again! I want it to be the reason why people get into what I do because of it again! And I want to be able to just have fun and relax without having to worry about how every single thing that I may say could have someone stirring things up that simply dont help or solve anything! Take care of yourselves. And this isnt coming from a place of "I hate the community as a whole" but rather again I want to be able to exist and make content that we can all enjoy without having to worry about walking on eggshells around me or around eachother! At the end of the day im just a fella that wants to make silly videos for you all, and you are people who enjoy said videos. Nothing more. Nothing less.

[lynn-tged-posting]

tged webtoon ep 165 spoilers and thoughts below the cut that im not terribly late on this time yippee!

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what if i went up to you and stared at you like this

HAHAHAHAHAAA I LOVE THIS PANEL SO SO MUCH

ive been sending this on like all my socmeds and to all my mutuals/irls. im tormenting them with it it's just so fucking cute and silly . puppy dog eyes javier. pleading emoji. he's just so fucking silly ALKJDFLSDKF HELL I MADE IT MY DISCORD PFP ITS SO GOOFY I LOVE IT SM HAHAHA CUTE CUTE CUTE

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

silly panels aside back to the top!

lloyd. stop hurting me oh god he looks so tired and gaunt and,,, lifeless. it HURTS seeing him like this, the life he once had just,,, stripped from him.

LIKE I WANTED TO SEE HIM WITH HIS HAIR DOWN AND MESSY BUT NOT LIKE THIS BRUH WHAT THE HELL SOB SOB SOB

the invitation oh my god. its so silly goofy but also so so personal its cute as hell its stupid looking but in the most affectionate way possible. the people of the estate really REALLY care about him and god idek if lloyd realizes that bc literally just after this, he apologizes to everyone for not being able to things for them anymore

not even able to get back up to get back to the bed GOD I FEEL SICK

but it doesnt matter anymore whether or not lloyd can still protect them, the estate has come to care for him so much , its not his protection they want they just fucking love him and he doesnt realize that i feel so fucking ill. lloyd i need you to open your eyes and look at this beautiful land, this beautiful home you've built with your own two hands. ITS NOT OVER YET PLEASE GOD ITS NOT OVER

and then lloyd without second thought chooses javier to live. because he really thinks hes just an extra getting in the way, a burden, a bug that shouldnt be there. so he thinks its fine if he, as a side character, is the one that dies SOMEONE PUNCH ME.

he looks so fucking SMALL. alone and in the dark IM GONNA EXPLODE INTO TEN BILLION PIECES. who wrote this fuckass program. SWEAR TO GOD IM COMIN DOWN TO FIX IT MYSELF GOD DAMMIT

AND THEN THE SYSTEM TEXTBOX COMING IN IM SO GRATEFUL PLEASE HELP HIM SOB SOB SOB

im super duper heartwarmed to see that whoever is running the blue textbox is on suho's side. it has never been impartial, huh,,, it just wants to see his wish come true. ooogh my heart.

lloyd looks,,, strangely peaceful here. is he like, paused rn? im not really sure what the system box is up to, but hopefully thisll delay anything from happening while javier is concocting his plan,,,

speaking of!

FATE KICKING IN LIKE TEN TIMES WORSE IS SO DAMN SCARY. THE MULTIPLE GIGATITANS OH GODDD im so fucking terrified. javier please hurry!!! he looks rlly cool on draggy here hehe

I THINK JAVIER AND ALICIAS EXCHANGE TOO IS SO FUCKING HILARIOUS. alicia, upon only seeing javier, immediately is suspicious of lloyd scheming something. she thinks the two of them are plotting again, hence the "what are you up to".

the problem is that it's just javier on this plan. there is no lloyd directing him, so javiers reaction is SO silly fun bc i. dont think he thinks of himself as being. scheming?? bc he seems SO confused at alicia's skepticism here HADLFKJSDLFKJ ITS SO FUNNY

I REALLY THINK JAVIER WAS GENUINELY A LITTLE CONFUSED AS TO WHY ALICIA WAS QUESTIONING HIM PLEAAASEEE

i think javier believes he's just going about business as usual. doing what he can to protect his lord, as he does, all the time, the usual. sure that involves getting an angel to ask the queen for the eye of summer, but that's certainly not plotting on the same scale that lloyd does. javier isnt a schemer. he just does whats necessary to protect the one he cares about the most. hence his goofy innocent puppy eyes, because its not like hes "up" to anything. idk how accurate this assessment is, so pls correct me if im wrong, but I LOVE IT A LOT HES JUST SO FUCKING DEDICATED I LOVE U JAVIER MVP!!!!!

and then raphie shows up yay!! EXCEPT HELP WHY DID HE GET SUCKED BACK IMMEDIATELY WHAT THE HELL he was so underprepared. poor guy. getting thrown around like this sob sob

ALICIA ASKING IF THIS IS SMTH JAVIER KNEW ABT OR IF THEY WERE PLANNING SOMETHING AND THEN JAVIER BEING GENUINELY FUCKING SHOCKED HELP MEEEE "maybe its not a prank...?" LMFAOOOOO

i mentioned this in the last ep post but like. again javier wears his heart on his sleeve he's so fucking protagonist its unreal. hell, not even on his sleeve, he has his heart out on his damn palm sob sob

i think he's shocked here bc he didnt expect raphaels call to play out like that, he prolly thought theyd issue it more seriously. the issue with this being so half-hearted is now alicia isnt absolutely certain that this is the will of the heavens, so she's less inclined to follow along. it doesnt help that her board of nobles (seriously why does she keep these bozos around they just keep yapping) are arguing back and forth abt whether or not to listen. this is kind of a little wrench in the smoothness of the plan... everything now hinges on alicia's whim now.

anyway two more panels javier being menacing/blunt as hell and alicia thinking on her throne,,, god they are so fucking. awesome i love them so much

anyway that is ALL! for this week! the episode felt a little bit slow to be honest, but i think that's because the events of this ep are little things that build up to whats next, so i dont mind it at all (especially since the last couple of eps have been super fast lately)! i really really enjoy this buildup and im super excited to see what happens next,,,

see yall next week! lloyd please be okay! or ill cry! like for real!

[genderqueerdykes]

Hello 👋

I'm wondering if you (or anyone else who sees this) has any advice/resources about detransitioning/retransitioning? I've been living as a trans guy since I was a kid and I'm a young adult now, but I recently I realized that I really miss being a girl and I think I want to socially detransition? And it's really lonely, because the vast majority of people I see talk about detransition online at least are anti-trans and I really don't want to involve myself with them.

I just don't know how to tell my family and friends. I know it's silly because they've always been super supportive, but I just feel like I'm being a burden for wanting to change my name and pronouns yet again. I can't help but worry that they think I'm indecisive or this is just another phase or something.

-🐞

you know, that's a good suggestion, i really should compile resources for de/retransitioning people, because it's so hard to find good information that isn't clogged with terve nonsense. it deeply bothers me how hard it is for detrans people to find safe community amongst one another without so much violence and hatred. theres absolutely nothing wrong with detransitioning, you can't know if something is for you until you try it. you shouldnt have to involve yourself with transphobic people just because you want to socially detransition

i would say wait to tell your family until you know for sure this is right for you to eliminate those "it's a phase" moments. you don't have to tell family and friends if you're questioning something, it's alright to have that to yourself for a bit. its something deeply personal to you, and it's about you first. you can tell other folks whenever you feel like you're ready to go ahead with things. i would also like to say try to present and feel like yourself in your alone time to boost confidence. if youre able to dress the way you want in private, it can at least help you figure out if you're on the right path or if you're unsure. its okay to be the person you are in private before you show the world.

i will do my best to try to compile some resources for detrans & retrans people that are actually helpful. thank you for bringing this to my attention, it's been bothering me for years that detrans people can't talk to each other because of the state of the tags on this website. if anyone else has any advice feel free to chip in. take care of yourself for now, feel free to reach out again any time

EDIT: someone was nice enough to leave some reddit communities for detrans people who aren't terves: r/actual_detrans, and r/detransition_support both do not allow terves and terf rhetoric. i hope these can be of some help to you!

[nicecrumbart]

"you have any specific scenarios w/ c!scott etc I'm 99% sure I could explain my viewpoint 😭😭 so please send them over" plsss 🥺 can i have ur interpretation on dl axe-critting tradition? i feel like the 'abandonment' at the beginning was pretty justifably bc like. my guy felt betrayed, he didn't feel safe in a relationship anymore, he had a right to walk away from it. even IF his logic was skewed by his own abandonment issues and bias and his reasoning wasn't totally sound, at its' core, he shouldnt be villainised for just deciding to walk away from something he didn't want....

something thats always been hard for me to unravel w/ his pysche was the axe-critting tradition tho. like it IS fucked up no matter what, im not looking for a defence, just help parsing what pyschological decisions led to him deciding to make the tradition bc it seemed VERY out-of-the-blue for me. maybe the initial axe-crit as a punishment for what he thought was pearl intentionally hurting him in the first session, just once, but why do you think he made it a tradition for EVERY session before pearl started with the powdered snow?

Now THIS is a good question

(Bear in mind I haven't watched double life in a while and I have patchy memory at best

Also this is ALL c! Analysis, the CCs are just having a silly goofy time)

I will say I really appreciate you saying that Scott had every right to not want to be in a relationship with pearl because I feel like that is lost to a lot of people ... Like no one should be forced to be paired up, the season was just making it heavily implied. And if you've ever seen Scott's pov he will twist whatever rules/mechanics there are into his desire.

Anyways-

The way I see it, he's still bitter at pearl for leaving, and the longer they don't resolve the issue the more irrational that anger becomes. I agree the first time could've been a response to pearls actions, but I think it's interesting to consider it becoming a way for pearl (and Martyn in conjunction) to have harsh reminder that they DO have a bond and their separation doesn't mean they're just gone but also that they're not forgiven. (Also the damage an axe crit gives might scare them enough to start considering taking more care for their shared lives - but that feels like to much of an extrapolation for this post)

I also think it's important to remember that those axe crits ALSO hurt the people inciting it. When you think about it that way the action does still feel very irrational and emotion driven - but also self destructive (c!Scott's speciality). Like thinking about it from that perspective and it feels very in character for him, it's just unusual for him to want to consistently hurt another player. But when your lives are linked so directly to another person, any way for him to be self destructive or internalise any actions is an attack on someone else. And because of this, his lines of morality get verrry blurry.

I think a way he could rationalise this is the fact that it is also hurting him too, so the violence feels minimised to him (most likely not seen the same way on pearls end).

Obviously this is a BIIG amount of (probably over)extrapolating on an action. I'm not sure I'm even 100% certain on my understanding of it, but at the very least it's makes the narrative and character actions much more interesting. Which I'd honestly my goal in everything I make 😭

TLDR: C!Scotts double life season is intrinsically linked to his abandonment/rejection issues - the twist being when they get ugly he can't just keep them to himself anymore.

(also his ass is very petty)

[angelwishess]

Hi hi! I love Kyra sm, she's wonderful!

If you don't mind me asking, what would she think of my boy Finn?

(I apologise if I asked this before I might have forgotten 💀)

FINN!!

Honestly I think Finn would appreciate Kyra’s honest nature HEHE, she also doesn’t get many social cues and is rather blunt with her words. She says what she wants to say and most of the time she always means it. So no beating around the bush with her thats for sure HEHEHE

I think Kyra would find Finn really interesting. So she’d probably go out of her way to pester him, and honestly its just Kyra being Kyra and her doing whatever her impulses tell her to do instead of thinking 😭

I have a feeling Kyra would honestly end up getting on his nerves LMFAOO, girl does NOT know when to shut up !!!! Its either his patience runs out first or she gets bored of following him around all day

If he does end up snapping at her, she’d be more careful in the future 😭 though at that moment she wouldn’t take it too seriously, she’d eventually apologize later on

I have a feeling Finn would be one of the people to enable her shennanigans LMAOO, shes always up to something, and if that involves people I think Finn would find it amusing watching from afar😭 She still makes him promise never to say a word if he ever walks in on her brewing up some sort of mystery potion

Kyra likes to lean on him. Or just carries him around if the situation calls for it. Nothing personal she just has a habit of doing it to just about everyone😭 so Finn shouldnt be too surprised if he ever gets lifted off the ground out of nowhere only to see a blob of pink in his face LMAOO

She’d think Finn’s UM is the coolest thing ever, and is constantly trying to get him to turn into people for her own amusement LMAOO, tries to get him to turn into Leona just so he can say something silly in his voice.

Kyra would love painting with Finn!!! She likes to paint too, since during her childhood in her world there was never much to do. So!! Methinks they would be painting buddies 😈😈 Though her art is usually rather colorful, she’d definetly adore his more twisted art, she thinks stuff like that is suuper interesting!!

Plus, she’d totally be up for customizing/making some clothes for Finn!! If his clothes are ever too big or too tight, Kyra can change it to fit him perfectly instead :3

[wc-confessions]

As much as i miss bristlefrost and wish that we could have seen her regaining her clans trust after they thought she worked for the imposter for so long, i am incredibly happy with how her arc ended

Dont get me wrong, i never wanted her dead. Yet i feel like that was one of the best ways to stop her arc, and i dont think it shouldve been either of the other two to do it.

With rootspring, he really had zero ties with the imposter. Sure, he could have tried to save bris and died in the process but like.. idk i feel like that just undermines the efforts she went through to stop him. It would overshadow her very deep moment of killing the cat who used her for so long for.. gags.. shipping /hj

With shadowsight its kinda obvious why it shouldnt have been him lol. Honestly you could rename this series as torturing silly medicine cat with how much they put this poor dude thru omfg. He had a very very deep connection with ashfur but it wasnt the same as ash and bris. If shadowsight died it would just feel like the erins sat in a room schemeing new ways to hurt this random ass man.

But for bristlefrost it makes a lot of sense for her to die this way. She knew that she was putting herself in serious danger by working with the spy, but she persisted because she wanted to be loyal and save her clan. She knew she would die forever if she went into that water forever, but she cared more for the clans and couldnt bring herself to put them in danger.

Bristlefrost was still incredibly young when she started to work for the imposter and he became very close to her. He believed that she was solely loyal to him. She never got the chance to disprove that to him because he absolutely would have either exiled or killed her the second he believed she betrayed him. Not only was this a moment that solidified her loyalty, it also was her way of being to prove to ashfur that she was not who he thought she was.

Poor bris she deserved better

.

[emerxshiu]

i forgot it was april fools lol. i definitly did not end up sprinkling in a bunch of memes in there, nope, not at all.

I havent checked my dashboard until a few minutes earlier, but now im booping everyone i find in there, its just so damm fun! its kinda sad that its just for april fools, i wish the booping stayed forever like its way too silly i love it.

Oh yeah the drawing yep aight. So uh, i had the idea yesterday and this looks NOTHING like what i had planned, it was just going to be a plain white backgroung, and i was trying to make it look like a pencil sketch (kinda). and simple coloring. but i had a lot of problems and drawing this ended up being really frustrating but im kinda happy with the result even if it difers so much from the og idea.

also here is a clean version (aka no memes)

i tend to change my idea as im drawing so after i realized this was not going to look like i thought, i tried some effects and i came up with the idea of making it look...off.

Backgrounf with saturated colors consisting of red and blue and a fecto elfilis who looks rather dreamy, wich is totally not kinda inspired by isolated isles and high school musical 2 believe it or not (im confused as to how that was present in my mind as inspiration but i guess anything works as a reference) and contrasting with the darker background from how light and glowy i made him.

Fun fact: when i drew elfilis here, they were reminding me of a bunny, so you could kinda count this as a bit of an easter post since im probably going to forget to do something for that.

fun fact 2: this image is based on a fanfic im writing right now, i havent posted it yet, and when i do im pretty sure i'll put it into the Anonymous collection, since what im writing is very different from my usual, i tend to write about my splatoon ocs or sometimes about kirby characters, most of these fics tend to be general with not a lot of archieve warnings and stuff (save for one but that one was very very tame and just had an implication of a character dying at the end) and they're oneshots, most of them, this one is also a oneshot. i just enjoy writing that, but its a little bit....how to say it? bloody, i just have like the start made and its probably going to take me a while to finish, im also thinking of reading it multiple times since most of my works are usually just the first draft. but uh since its quite different and has that im quite scared of the reception it might have when i post it, in fact a lot of times i dont post stuff since even tho i know i shouldnt worry about others, i still do like an idiot, i just cant help caring about what other people think of me. and yeah basically its just not like the usual fluff i write.

next post might be splatoon related since im redesigning some ocs i had, or it might be princess peach showtime because my father got me the game and im loving it

Thank you for listening to my unnecesarily long rambles and Jambuhbye!

[caroldantops]

valcarol interrupted mid-play bc carol needs to go save the universe but she was super in subspace and val couldn’t quite bring her out so instead she has to instruct her to go.

‘c’mon princess, that’s it, get your suit on for me honey. you’re gonna go save the world then you’re gonna come right back here to me, you understand?’

she may or may not have been edging carol before she got the call and decided to give her some incentive

she also may or may not have ‘forgotten’ to take out the plug snuggled in carol’s ass.

‘silly me, princess. it’s okay, it’ll be a nice reminder of who you belong to, wont it?’

carol goes off and saves the world and crumbles into vals arms when she returns.

‘it’s okay pretty girl, i know how big and strong you had to be… it’s okay to not be big now, let daddy take care of you now..’

idk the more i think on that scene the more that little!carol is making sense. carol who will only let herself be vulnerable with her daddy and carol who will either be the strongest person in the universe or a tiny baby who needs val to cut her food up and cuddle her at night and braid her hair…

tell me why i was about to give a lecture on dont do this!! as if NEEDING to leave midsession because theres a universal crisis is something yall would have happen

im fucking obsessed. i just. thinking about the intensity of the drop after makes me so emo because theres zero chance this happens without carol having SEVERE subdrop and i think val would go through some domdrop as well. feeling like she put carol in a position where she couldnt fight her best and therefore was endangering her more...

before my very long ramble starts - as far as little!carol goes, im on the fence! i think she'd really enjoy some parts of it and others not so much. i could be won over though im sure. yall know its my weakness.

um this turned into a thinkpiece about valcarol dom/subdrop. sorry.

carol having to go from feeling powerless to powerful and and just the fact that she submits to valkyrie in order to get away from that responsibility that burden only to have that safe space be invaded by one simple phone call that she could hear valkyrie try so hard to get her out of, yelling at fury that he should call someone else up, she'd go find thor herself if needed but no dice.

carol is able to yank herself out of subspace to fight, what choice does she have, shes basically in survival mode at that point and doesnt even really know whats going on until shes landed back in valkyrie's arms. sobbing and grabbing onto her and valkyrie choked up seeing carol so so upset and overwhelmed

valkyrie keeping it together as best she can to comfort carol enough, help her bathe and get her something to eat and clean up any injuries, til carol passes out from pure exhaustion. val making sure carol's fast asleep before pulling away from her in bed and wanting to go for her alcohol stash but she knows carol might need her again so she doesnt want to get drunk so she just goes and stands in the kitchen for a bit, gripping the counter and steadying her breathing and she can feel tears coming but fuck she doesnt want them--

and then she feels arms around her waist, a small still raspy from crying voice asking "hey, whats wrong?"

valkyrie finally crying but that kind of crying you get when youre mad that youre crying and carol's just listening to her ramble about how she shouldnt have let carol go, it was stupid of her to let her run out like that without taking more time to try to bring her up from subspace

carol kissing the palms of valkyries hands, kissing her cheeks and touching their foreheads together. "it wasn't ideal. it was hard. but you did all you could. and im okay. im safe. we're both safe. okay?"

"okay." valkyrie nods and wraps her arms tight around carol.

definitely takes them a while to feel comfortable entering an intense play-space after that. worried about if carol or valkyrie gets called away again. but once they feel secure again they start workshopping precautions to take. slowly work their way back up to playing again, ask other kink friends for advice. come out of it with safety plans and a stronger bond.

yeah sorry i have a LOT of thoughts and feelings about this clearly!!

[kindred-spirit-93]

*succinct & eloquent opening line. maybe a clever joke or quote* :D

do you ever sit there and contemplate your life choices after like a certain experience or a talk with a loved one?

do you ever come across a quote or a piece that seems like it was written for you in this particular moment in time? an anecdote that mirrors your current situation perhaps?

well im currently going through it & after a double whammy of mama lore TM during some resurfacing anxious & assorted crises, i dont even know what im going through anymore. but we shared a really sweet heart to heart and reminisced over good and less good times aw!

i am reminded that there is still much to life, light to be sought and found, good times yet to be had. its bittersweet. its mature. its scary? its like coming to terms with your mortality but on a smaller scale. or bigger whos to say...

i wont be venting anything, i think for now at least im content to vague post lmao. also my dad bought me some stress eating treats so i might need to go wallow in my feels for a bit

after i jinxed myself by saying im going on hiatus but failing to stay off the website lol (i had moot withdrawl symptoms sue me), i wont be repeating the same mistake, but with context clues i trust u can see where im going with this

it might sound presumptious to state so confidently that this next month of my life will be the hardest in my career, especially since im not even half way there yet, but the truth of the matter is that it is.

ive been struggling for well over a year now (mostly academically) and im both succeeding in places i didnt before (alhamdulillah!) but failing in the exact same places elsewhere. guys i may have anxiety lol

self fulfilling prophecies, nocebo effect, whatever it is & regardless of what you want to call it, its rough. its hard. im tired. theres still so much left and im tired. i shouldnt be this tired. or this empty. or careless. what have i let myself become? why am i punishing myself still?

this coming month will dictate the rest of my future and ill have no one to blame but myself if i let the opportunity slip through my fingers. but if all goes well inshallah i can put this all behind me and start anew so theres that silver lining :D

i kinda lost direction of this post about half an hour ago lol. my point is im going to try harder at balancing several life aspects bc i really cant put it off any more. i need to establish balance because ive been out of the loop for too long now. *shudders in python*

anyways there are plenty of things i have to work on, both in my studies and life, so i have that going for me *party kazoo noises*

id love to grace you all with some wise words or a life lesson or something but i dont have a neat one liner to sum up anything. despite that im writing this because sometimes letting thoughts float in my head isnt enough, i need to articulate and write it out because to let them roam in the vast expanses of my mind under the pretense that i achieved something is frankly silly as it is counterproductive.

a n y w a y , to anyone and everyone reading take care of yourselves and your loved ones. i wish everyone the best in life and in their endeavours. i will probably pop back in every now and again to catch up on messages and make sure everyone is alive and nothing burned down. i will however attempt to exert self control. (key word: attempt)

aight imma head out before i get too emotional or combust with the need to say something stupid like i love you be more unserious XD

[teapot-studies]

Destroy the myth of 100% scores on tests. They wont make you happy.

Tldr: No, the tiktok study tips that "will get you straight A's" won't get you an A and thats perfectly fine. You're not doing anything wrong. The education industry has made you addicted to praise.

I just learned about Dweck's theory about praising children, and how judgemental language is extremely harmful to the growth of children (and adults). We've been conditioned to do things with the expecation of getting praise (from a parent, teacher, boss, etc) rather than our personal experimentation with play or doing a task. Dweck tested her theory on two groups of children. When praised for success, children became demotivated to do more difficult tasks. Children that were praised for their effort, however, were much happier and more eager to take on more difficult challenges, because they want to improve.

Unfortunately this is how the education system, or education industry, functions and it is hard to escape this. But we can, however, free ourselves from the silly ideas of the "straight A-student" culture, which solely focuses on the test results instead of the effort and hard work that students put into learning. Learning should be fun, not a task. And when its not fun, dont beat yourself up over it. It is not your fault that, by design, the education industry cares more about your productivity than your wellbeing. Antiwork culture very much applies to the education industry as well. Sure, you could work your ass off to get a raise/high grades, but does that actually make you happy? Is it right that school/work is making you overwork yourself?Shouldnt we reevaluate how we think about numbers and scores, and perhaps focus on the wellbeing of students? Do you really do it for the score, or do you just want to be free? Free from the punishment from your parents after you get a low score? The freedom to be able to go to that fancy university? People should not be measured by test scores.

[oh-cramity-its-amity]

i hate how much i was looking forward to reading this book and actually reading it... its actually kinda bad??? like its FINE dont get me wrong. its just so mid?? like its a whole lot of a nothing burger.

ik i shouldnt be comparing things to one last stop- and im SO not!! its just that i really don't care about these characters? i like one but its mostly the narration of her pov. i quite literally dont care about this story emotionally :(.

it feels kinda boring and a bit too mixed with pace. theres no depth underneath the silly meetcute

[sagethegremlin]

ok so this is kinda rambley and a tad venty but uh yeah long post about my mental state lately ig? idk tldr im gonna get sillier c:

ok so this is weird but i think getting all my thoughts out on a post will help me out through this but anyway i think ive had like really bad anxiety i think? about my fics lately. ive found myself being way too scared about what other people might think of them (way more than the usual voice in the back of my head at least) and i think ive been really scared of i guess no one caring, like the only way someone would care about one of my fics is if its this huge professional thing that means something. ive found myself overhyping or underhyping my wips when i shared them with friends, losing confidence in them entirely even if my friends said something nice, like it was always gonna look stupid so long as it wasnt in my head anymore.

i think the reason these feelings are so frustrating is because something as simple as writing fanfic shouldnt give me this much anxiety, to the point where im losing sleep and procrastinating important things over however good i am at writing something silly thats supposed to be for fun. and it hasnt just been about fanfic either, ive been so scared of how people perceive me online, feeling like i always have to type like im some big blog and constantly being scared of what other people think of me, which is the wrong attitude to have in a fandom space. this is supposed to be fun, and it hasnt been, and i want to change that.

ive really been wanting to say something for i think a few months now. ive noticed how much ive felt like i needed to overhype myself, and just how bad my confidence has been destroyed. theres been a person in my life for a while now that i havent been distancing myself from as much as i should have been, but now i want to try and work on finding ways to enjoy fandom spaces again. im tired of being scared of being expressive and enjoying myself.

im going to start writing more fics that i just enjoy, fucking around and just having fun, and I’ve been starting to doodle a little bit too c: i dont mean to make a post to like say anything big i guess i just kinda wanted to air out my thoughts a little bit (and i do have to admit it feels amazing to just get this all off my chest) but i guess if you read all this i wanna say i love you and i want you to do something good for your mental health today because its so hard to recognize when something is hurting you and even harder to try and fix it especially when it feels impossible but I believe in you and I love you :3

[iiapple]

seriously something wrong with how parasocial the osc gets with some object show creators especially with ii

im not even talking about light friendly interaction on twitter/tumblr/discord answering questions. i mean like, really putting in too much trust into them without ever acknowledging the faults both creators and the show can have because any word of criticism is too "negative" and "mean"

like any other fandom would be strongly opposed to this but its crazy how for the osc (and ii especially) you cant have your own civil opinionated discussion amongst peers or yourself without someone on twitter making a bigger ruckus out of it. how are you this hurt by someone online rightly pointing out wrongs that shouldnt be so easily ignored? im sure the creators arent on the edge of it all over it but if youre really THAT affected by it to where you feel the need any form of critique is an attack to your silly gay autism scrunglies please take a step back and re-evaluate your relationship between the shows and the creators (who dont even fucking know you enough to care)