#its pretty obvious in hindsight

[hellspawnmotel]

this christmas I learned that I'm autistic and the last person in the world to know about it

[ink-of-a-thousand-currents]

The half of the offending pair I decided I'll be replacing mostly bc Thundercrack will be cheaper to replace than Shardflank. Named Jinoga (the one I'm keeping is Zinogre yes they r fandragons), no offspring, and is the granddaughter of the shared parent >:(

600 gems WASTED.... WEEPS.........

So if. Anyone wants her message me I guess... I put too much work into her to just exalt. Augh.

[a-heartshaped-object]

I found out I can just use a VPN to access sites intentionally throttled in the hospital wi-fi network. Life is great B)

[secretmellowblog]

On the subject of the Titanic ‘submersible’ that was lost in the deep with all its wealthy tourists— it’s so insane/eerie in hindsight to read this article from the Smithsonian that interviews the CEO Stockton Rush long before the disaster.

Despite the Smithsonian supposedly being an organization that cares about science and truth, and the fact that there were SO MANY obvious red flags from the beginning and so many people criticizing the company…..the article is a puff piece uncritically glorifying the CEO’s obviously terrible submersible project. It compares him in glowing terms to Elon Musk. It is an article about how private ventures like those of Stockton Rush and Elon Musk can and should be the future of the world.

We’ve obviously learned now that there were whistleblowers at the company who were warning for a long time that Stockton Rush’s submersible was unsafe— only to be fired and then sued. It makes sense the submersible was so unsafe, because the CEO in this interview is open about how he has no background in underwater engineering and is annoyed by quote “regulations that needlessly prioritize passenger safety.”

Soon after, the private [submersible] market died too, Rush found, for two reasons that were “understandable but illogical.” First, subs gained a reputation for danger. Working on offshore rigs in harsh locations like the North Sea, saturation divers, who breathe gas mixtures to avoid diving sicknesses, would be taken in subs to work at great depths. It was the world’s most perilous job, with frequent fatalities. (“It wasn’t the sub’s fault,” says Rush.) To save lives, the industries moved toward using underwater robots to perform the same work.

Second, tourist subs, which could once be skippered by anyone with a U.S. Coast Guard captain’s license, were regulated by the Passenger Vessel Safety Act of 1993, which imposed rigorous new manufacturing and inspection requirements and prohibited dives below 150 feet. The law was well-meaning, Rush says, but he believes it needlessly prioritized passenger safety over commercial innovation (a position a less adventurous submariner might find open to debate). “There hasn’t been an injury in the commercial sub industry in over 35 years. It’s obscenely safe, because they have all these regulations. But it also hasn’t innovated or grown—because they have all these regulations.”

The fact that Stockton Rush (who was piloting the submarine when the disaster happened) is on record complaining about the evils of regulations that prioritize people’s safety, and the Smithsonian uncritically regurgitated that rhetoric in their glowing puff piece about how rich tycoons like Elon Musk and Stockton Rush are going to save the world is just…..in hindsight of how everything ended it’s just so much horrible black comedy? It’s like a satire about the dangers of uncritically worshipping the rich.

It is mentioned in the article that Rush chose to make his submersible in a different shape, and with a different (cheaper) material than is usually used for submersibles. The article frames this as a result of daring innovation, and not of negligence/ignorance. This passage in particular, which in context is supposed to portray Rush’s critics as joyless naysayers who were proven wrong by the noble tycoon, is pretty foreboding in hindsight:

Rush planned to pilot the sub himself, which critics said was an unnecessary risk: Under pressure, the experimental carbon fiber hull might, in the jargon of the sub world, “collapse catastrophically.”

And then!!

The exact problem that happened to Titan this weekend, happened on Titan’s very first test voyage to the Titanic! The experimental carbon fiber hull had an issue and it caused communications to break down!

The dive was going according to plan until about 10,000 feet, when the descent unexpectedly halted, possibly, Rush says, because the density of the salt water added extra buoyancy to the carbon fiber hull. He now used thrusters to drive Titan deeper, which interfered with the communications system, and he lost contact with the support crew. He recalls the next hour in hallucinogenic terms. “It was like being on the Starship Enterprise,” he says. “There were these particles going by, like stars. Every so often a jellyfish would go whipping by. It was the childhood dream.”

Both Rush and the article writer treat this as a fun quirky story, instead of a serious safety failure and red flag with his experimental macgyvered regulation-flaunting submersible.

Other highlights from the article include:

Stockton rush saying that if 3/4 of the planet is water, why haven’t we monetized it?

Stockton saying we will “colonize the ocean long before we colonize space”

Lots of weird pro colonialism stuff in general??? This article loves colonialism and thinks it’s cool

Rush saying he plans for this to eventually help find more underwater resources for the US to exploit and profit from

Elon musk comparisons. The article writer does not mention that Elon Musk’s rockets explode and therefore it would be a bad idea to get in one of them, because that would imply it’s a bad idea to get into the submersible

Stockton rush seeing himself as Captain Kirk

The article writer comparing the tourists who plan to join Rush to Englishmen who went on colonialist journeys to Africa as if that’s like, a good thing. So much pro colonialism stuff in this article

So many sentences about Stockton Rush being handsome when he literally just looks like some guy

The article beginning with an editor’s note from years later disclaiming that the extraordinary submersible they’re advertising in this article is uh. It’s now uhhhh

But yeah it really does just bring home how so many organizations that supposedly care about scientific truth or journalistic integrity are willing to uncritically platform propaganda for wealthy CEOS. It’s frustrating how easily people fall for the fake myths that careless wealthy people invent for themselves, and even more frustrating that supposedly respectable institutions will platform irresponsible lies that end up getting people killed.

Rush is such an obvious and simple example of this, and his negligence is “only” killing five people including himself. But to me it feels like a cautionary tale to bear in mind when it comes to uncritical puff piece media coverage of similar “daring tycoon innovations” by people like Bezos or Musk.

[taintandviolent]

if you're takin drabble requests...perhaps consider...flashing peter maximoff? showin him some bodacious tiddy? just a suggestion from a totally mysterious person ooooooooooo...

i love you so so so so so so so so SOOOOO much btw 🤍🤍🤍

sooooo mysterious!!! who could this be?!?! 🤔🤔🤔 I love you more than words can ever express!!!!!!!!

warnings: none, really. reader flashing Peter, mentions of arousal. also, this was written at work, sorry if it’s bad!!!

With all of your responsibilities taken care of, you had little to do besides wander the hallways back to your room. Poised to open the door, you paused -- something quite literally glittered in your peripheral. You turned your head, locking eyes on someone. Someone special, and someone very, very silver. Peter Maximoff. God, he was so cute.

He was alone in the hallway, save for Beast, whose back was to you. Nice. You chewed the inside of your cheek, assessing; the conversation seemed casual enough. Peter was chuckling and doing that adorable grin that you saw so often. You had some tact, at least -- you weren't going to interrupt anything serious.

Recognition glimmered in Peter's eyes as they flitted to you. When they did, you raised your hand, wiggling your fingers at him. Wordlessly, you brought your finger to your mouth, shushing him and preventing him from saying or doing anything that would alert the other party to your existence.

You'd been teasing him for weeks at this point; coy little glances here, determined, heated touches there... You were pretty sure you had him wrapped around your finger and he was ready to bust. But just to make sure...

Your fingers gripped the hem of your shirt and yanked it up in one motion. Your breasts sprung free, your nipples hardening as soon as the cool air of the hallway hit them. Perfect and perky, all for Peter to gawk at. You gave a little wiggle of your torso, grinning. In hindsight, it was an absolutely stellar choice to go braless today.

Lips popping apart, his jaw hung slack. In a millisecond, Peter's eyes widened, focusing hard on your now-exposed tits. His train of thought was out the window. Gonezo. Completely derailed. The only thing he was focusing on -- the only thing he could think of was your tits. Bouncy, bouncy tits... and another thing - what they looked like bouncing in a more... horizontal position.

"Uhhhh.... I.."

He thought about motorboating them. "Uh..." Heat rushed to his groin, and he shifted uncomfortably. He had to pacify himself before things got out of hand, but how could he? How could he when you were...

You bounced up and down on your heels, letting off an inaudible giddy snicker as you felt your breasts move freely. Peter's dark pupils followed your nipples up and down, his throat going dry with the action.

"Yeah, y'know what, I'm... uh..."

"Peter, you're not making any sense."

"Whaaat? I am, too. I said that... y'know, I think I remembered something I had to do." His inky irises flicked back and forth, but the majority of the time was spent on you, fighting to control his facial expressions. If he had the freedom, his tongue would be lolling out like the Howlin' Wolf.

Now intrigued by whatever had captivated Peter's attention, Beast started to pivot his body, following Peter's gridlocked gaze. As soon as he had turned around, an inquisitive brow quirked, you were gone. Well, not really. You were still standing there, tits out, tongue pressed against the back of your teeth in a shit-eating grin. Invisibility had its perks. You pulled your shirt down over your ample breasts, withholding the laughter that threatened to bubble out over your lips.

Beast turned back around, now more curious than ever. Peter was a quirky kid, that much was obvious from the moment they met. Naturally, there were a few reasons that he could be acting strangely, and you sincerely hope that he hadn't figured out which one was causing it.

Safe, you rematerialized, now decent and waved goodbye to Peter. Had you really intended for the wave to look like you were beckoning him? Maybe. Maybe you had.

It was safe to say that you'd see him later.

[toskarin]

As someone knowledgeable about MMOs, and given the topic of SAO just came up. If you were to write a .Hack/SAO/Log Horizon style story, what kind of things would you focus on? I personally feel like there are a lot of different elements of MMO culture anyone writing about them could really delve into. So I'm curious what Tumblr user Toskarin would choose.

condensed

back when I played Perfect World, it had some empty spaces. this wasn't uncommon for mmos, and if you can name one older than 15 or so years, you can bet there were vast empty spaces on the world map that existed to pad it

but they were important! sure, they added nothing of obvious value and could cynically be read as existing just to pad travel time, but they also made the worlds feel bigger than you what you were doing in them. and more mysterious.

some friends in my guild and I got a message one day that one member was going to roll a new character and wanted help levelling. a complication: their starting zone was across the sea.

a few friends and I volunteered to swim across the sea to their zone. there were definitely easier ways to go about it, but setting out to do something just to see if it was possible seemed fun

now, they may have changed this since then, but the sea in Perfect World felt strange in a way I haven't seen any game really emulate since. the sky was a dull, and as was the fashion, everything was a bit muted. the sea itself was opaque, and when you swam under it, there was a significant amount of grey-blue terrain that seemed to stretch on forever into the fog

and of course, there was fuck all in it. nothing alive. no monsters until you got close to a shore. just vast empty sea that you swam through, only your friends' characters to break up the odd stillness of it. you probably turned the music off at this point, too, so there was only ambient sound and splashing

this is because you were supposed to fly over it, if you crossed it at all. and because there wasn't really a good centralised source of knowledge on these things, it wasn't really clear if it was entirely empty

the trip there was fine, if a bit boring and lonely. during the trip back, I accidentally clicked on something in the middle of the ocean

now, there weren't supposed to be things there. I had my friends, but I clicked on a monster, and when I swam down to look at it, I saw that it was actually an enormous sea monster

so I pinged one of the guildmates swimming with me and they thought I was lying, so I showed them, and then we repeated this several times until everyone in the group had seen this weird thing that felt like it came from a schoolyard rumour

Ancient Sea Dragon. 99,999,999 health points and none of us could find anything on it posted online. it was pretty common for players to run into it and be shocked, but we didn't know that

so we naturally let the rest of the guild know, got a hunting party together, and spent the better part of a day just whittling its health down

with the benefit of hindsight and documentation of this thing existing now, I can spoil this and tell you it didn't drop anything, but this long down the line, I still think about how deeply surreal it felt to stumble on an enormous sea monster in the middle of what my brain had come to understand as a liminal space. the sea was supposed to be mostly empty, and here was this thing

which is a very long way to introduce what I think is lacking here: we need more of those enormous empty spaces that leave characters with nothing to do but talk and feel completely isolated. sometimes you get to a sprawling castle city and it's completely empty because the players moved on. sometimes the devs threw an enormous monster in the middle of nowhere just to fuck with you, and that was kind of cool even if it sucked

[ludinusdaleth]

i think c3 has numerous flaws that i have talked about at length before, but i also think the reaction to this episode highlighted an obvious truth: some people just despise this campaign, it isnt for them, they are emotionally caught up in that, and it shouldn't be on c3 enjoyers to have to shoulder that fandom burden. i note how most c3 enjoyers saw it as inevitable, and a good thing that the ending of that episode happened as it did; because thats simply.... the vibe of it. it always came to that. and you dont have to like it, but it's been obvious. you could step off this train. for some people the dismantling of the status quo, challenging imperialism in dnd, a story about empathy & sympathy to those caught in a cycle of war, means everything and hits incredibly hard, and i think it is objectively a theme done pretty well here if you are not caught in bias against certain characters and ideas. and for others it is an affront to what they expect cr to be, and every miniscule detail of it makes them angry, when it will not be changed. maybe that schism just needs to come to terms with its schism.

also worth noting - i remember when c2 aired. and during that time you could not go 5 steps especially on cr twitter without being told the travelercon and aeor arcs were the worst, most low quality, upsetting arcs to ever come out of this series. (i distinctly recall someone quitting in anger about the episode where fjord faced undead avantika and exalted his weapon, saying it was unwatchable?)

does anyone remotely believe that now? no. people adore the goofy sincerity of travelercon and aeor is regarded as one of the best locations, worldbuilding set ups, and one of the best arcs in the entire show. having a full view of c3 in hindsight as well as nostalgia will change people's povs and a few years of difference will mean a lot. not all discourse is forever. it is just cyclical. so i think the discourse is at times pointless. i think we should watch and wait, and fans should accept some things are and arent for them, and no one will die over a dnd game. emotions run high. let them cool, and look back.

[katsukota]

First Date

Things with Touya always burned. It was usually a slow burn at first, until smoldering flames erupted from emotions previously covered. So even though you'd spent months with the scarred man, on your first official date, you find out something that only made the previous months feel like years.

an : not proofread sorry i have to get ready for work soon

You and Dabi had been unofficially dating for months now. Neither of you were the type to quickly cling onto others, and both of you remained stubborn in keeping your feelings a secret.

Though, it didnt do much. It was obvious to everyone, even the both of you. You, nor Dabi were stupid. You picked up the underlying messages and feelings in each interaction. Prolonged eye contact, memorizing each other's favorite drinks, leaving clothes in the others room, going shopping for the leagues groceries together, bandaging each other's wounds.. um.. yea.. okay guys.

Still, both of you remained stubborn, refusing to admit your emotions to the other. Continuously betting on the other swallowing their pride first.

You had thought you knew Dabi. In the months you experienced living with him at the Leagues hide out, you believed you have learned more about him than anyone. In hindsight, you felt like you'd missed some of the most obvious things about him.

Month one, you two ignored each other. His stiff personality didnt particularly call to you. You had better things to focus on, and clearly he did too. The constant bombarding of various League members, while sweet, over whelmed you. No need to remember more people than you can handle right now. You let him fade into the background.

Unfortunately, he never seemed to truly disappear. Like a fire thats gone out, the embers stay shining through its wooden coffin.

During your smoke breaks, you found him always taking them at the same time. Things stayed silent, not bothering to attempt small talk. It seemed both of you preferred it that way. No social bond or understanding developed the following weeks.

The next month, Shigaraki suddenly paired you two together. Only now had you actually processed he had a name. 'Dabi.' Weird. Pretty ugly name, you thought. You ignored him adamantly at first, but now that a name was set to the face, you felt obligated to at least make eye contact.

The mission itself was quick, and involved at most four sentences of dialogue. His already strong quirk applied with your stockpiled boost abilities made for a merciless duo. While you two didnt seem to exactly hate eachother, you weren't really jumping for the chance to be together.

But if either of you were trying to use the mission as a reason to avoid the other in the future, it completely backfired. Not only was Tomura impressed, but All for One himself directly paired you two to handle new recruits. Isn't that great ?

Month three now, your lighter started running low on fluid. Even though the man who just always seemed to be out on the balcony when you were had the perfect quirk to solve this issue, youd rather use his staples to shut your mouth up than ask for help.

He watched as you vigorously flicked the lighter, only coaxing a few sparks out of it. He didn't offer any help, but his face slowly became amused as you got angrier. You looked up and scowled at him, though no words were said yet. A steady dynamic was forming.

It was four months now, and no distinct sign of romance was forming, but when you think back, you believe thats what made it so great. In that moment, the thought of the black haired, or so at the time, man being in any romantic light would have never even crossed your mind. It probably would've made you gag, if anything.

You'd begun starting the recruitment process. This was the first time you and Dabi seemed to agree on something. These guys were fucking losers. Neither of you found any possible use of them, and made it clear.

The first night, no one, not you, Dabi, nor the new upcoming villains managed to get a word in. A blizzard of blue crashed upon the surroundings. What should've been a cool night, melted with the complete refusal you had to acknowledge the man.

You two walked back. You two were both clearly amused, and proud of the situation. Neither of you even made eye contact, but you used your quirks in perfect tandem.

Month five, your lighter completely stopped working. You were clearly not in the mood to deal with anything without nicotine, and got bitchier each passing day.

"Why won't you just light one already ?" You scowled, the withdrawal practically burning. Even though the clear pink tinted lighter you had was visibly empty, you desperately tried to ignite the cigarette.

"Fuckin addict." He huffed, taking a puff from his respective cigarette. Your eyes narrowed, and Dabi had a feeling he should be thankful you had a boosting quirk and not an attack based one.

You groaned, genuinely annoyed, "You're one to talk." He was such an ass ! Without looking back, you walked off to god knows where.

Behind his black hair, he smirked, enthused. Seeing you all upset might be his new favorite way to pass time.

Month six, you finally came back with your own lighter. It was a similar clear but colorfully tinted one, but a blue this time. It was a nice lighter.

He saw it emit a similar blue flame, and lit your lighter more efficiently than your already old one ever did.

"Pretty cool, huh ? It reminded me of you." Oh. He kept thinking about that. Every smoke sesh he watched carefully as you carefully held the stick in-between your lips, using one hand to shield from the nights cold wind, the other spurring the ocean flames to life.

Month seven, he decided he was going to steal that lighter.

He carefully watched your actions throughout the day, and observed where youd go at night. Sure, it was creepy, but he had a feeling you knew.

You both were often out during the day, so his only real option was at night.

Each night, he thought about stealing that lighter from you. Youd sit out at the balcony together. Recently chairs were mysteriously added, so you both found yourselves sitting out there together for longer.

He never asked direct questions, but subtly got to know you better and listened carefully. Eventually, youd get him to answer questions back. It was crazy how the man youd never glanced at twice seemed to suddenly become the one you spent the most time with.

Each night, like moths to a flame, you came to each other. As if his natural light drew you and your new pack of cigarettes each week in. At the same time, that oddly specific blue lighter and honestly.. maybe just you were drawing him in quicker as well.

Month eight, he still couldn't bring himself to just take that damn lighter.

You two were on missions together about every week now, killing a number of recruits simultaneously. Over and over, you two got them out of your way quick, before taking a few 'detours' back to the hideout.

One time you'd gone into a small cafe, and found out oddly enough the bitter man likes his coffee sweet and creamed.

Another, you'd walked along the pier, catching a few sharks in the distance. "Dabi, look !!" He'd never seen you so genuinely excited. The rough and gloomy atmosphere at the home base rarely held chances for sweet moments like these.

Month nine, he finally stole that fucking lighter.

It was a long night, an entire group mission was set out, and many were injured. You and Dabi were the first to clear yourselves, you being efficient in wrapping the scarred man up in your first attempt, and he.. had some interesting healing tips up his sleeve for you.

Finally, you could just sit back, relax, and have a smoke. You weren't sure how much hed want to talk tonight, rough mission and all. You just reached for your lighter and.. "The fuck did my lighter go."

Dabi inconspicuously turned his head to you. "Huh ?" You shook yourself down, but no trace of it was there.

You sighed, you just wanted to shut your head off for a second. "Let me check in my room, I must've forgot it this morning.."

Before you could walk off, a deep voice stopped you in your tracks. "Just let me do it."

You looked over, a bit surprised. He usually declined to do this. "Dont look at me like that.. shut up and give me the cigarette."

He sighed, regretting his offer, when you instinctively slid the tube into your mouth, and tilted your head out to him.

"You're brave." But he didn't hurt you, no. A small flame, blue and familiar, just like your favorite lighter, light up your face.

Dabi felt a little weird. In this position, this angle, this lighting.. you looked perfect.

Month ten, he became much more insecure. Its something he felt many times in his life. Despite how tough and careless he seemed, his body and heart were human underneath staples and ice.

He knew he was scary, an otherwise ugly man due to the severe scarring his own childhood left on him. He was a sullied boy, no matter how hard he tried to wash the scars off.

And seeing how soft, how pure you look in the night light of his inhumane flame. He couldn't handle someone looking at him with soft eyes.

Dabi began avoiding you. You went from sitting next to each other at Kurogiris bar stools, to sitting on opposite ends. You were off sync when getting rid of recruits, him burning you a few times, and you failing to activate your quirk, letting them get away.

You were getting fed up with this, because worst of all, you were left without a lighter.

While Dabi was terrifyingly aware of your timing and 24hr schedule, he couldn't always use that to avoid you because you knew his as well.

Month eleven, you put a stop to this all.

You finally got him at the right time, and weren't going to let him go again. "So, you think you can just steal my lighter, then ignore me?"

Oh. Really, in hindsight, he didn't know why he thought he could keep running without you catching up. Even though your quirk worked as a mere tool for others, and even though All for One and Shigaraki often put you down for that, you didnt just aid, but you did so relentlessly.

You didn't stop and wait for someone to use you, in moments like these, and in moments where you were out on the battlefield, you chased after the strongest ability and strengthened it. When it came to people like Dabi, you chased after him and brought out the softer side.

He sighed, looking back at your soft face. It brought a comforting warmth, but the longer he looked, the hotter he felt with guilt.

"How can you even look at me ?" He choked. "You're so.. clean.." He grasped at the staples and charred skin, scratching and pulling lightly. "And im ruined.." Red drops started rolling down from the bottom of the burnt skin underneath his eyes. Is he..?

"Dabi.." You spoke, unwavering in your stance. You werent sure if you'd regret this, or if hed kill you for trying it, but you felt confident.

Walking closer, you rested your hands against his rough cheeks. Observing him closely, he seemed more shocked, but not upset. "For what it's worth." Your lips ghosted his lower one, the one that was rough and stapled back to his face. "I think you're really, really, pretty."

Month twelve, he finally took you out on a date.

"Im sorry.. its not mu-" "Oh shut up."

Late at night, after he lit one of your cigarettes, he took you out to a riverside, with the moon glimmering in the waters reflection.

"This is beautiful, Dabi !" He paused, turning his head away from you suddenly. "Huh ? Whats the matter ?"

"..Touya" What ? .. Oh !

"Touya ?" He looked back at you, a soft pink airbrushed over his cheeks. He just nodded.

How cute.

Nearing the end of the date, you felt like the world was in your palm but light and airy. Holding Touyas face in your hands felt surreal, like it should have happened the day you met but was supposed to now.

"I want.. to do one last thing." He looked away again, clearly trying to hide the way his face was heating up.

You laughed softly. Its still insane to you how this happened in what feels like so little time. "What is it ?"

"I .. want to dance with you." His blue eyes darted back and fourth, occasionally looking down to see your reaction.

"Thats.." You paused. Dabi, or, Touya, the man who you killed so many people with, was an absolute dick, stole your lighter, ignored you, ran back into your arms when you held them out for him.. likes dancing ? "Thats so sweet, Touya."

You weren't letting him go again. Not after this dance.

[hard-core-super-star]

i have to put a trigger warning to this request, im sorry if it triggers something, it was not my intention, lots of love.

heyy, may I request something like a reader who has depression and is struggling in being clean and just want to relapse in old bad habits of self harm but doesn't say anything to Kate because she doesn't want to disappoint her. but in the end Kate finds out anyway because she knows the reader like the palm of her hand and yeah, free choice for the ending!!

when it rains [K.Bishop]

pairing: kate bishop x reader

summary: when the threat of relapsing rears its head, kate does her best to support you...even when you try to push her away.

warnings: depressive episode; mentions of self-harm/relapsing; references to anxiety/struggles with spiraling thoughts; hurt/comfort + hopeful/happy ending; kate being nervous but supportive

wordcount: 1.8k

a/n: i was working on the next part of vampire!kate when i got hit with a random burst of inspiration to write this request. i wrote it pretty much in one sitting so forgive me for the messiness. this is a pretty heavy topic so read at your risk and keep the warnings in mind! there aren't any super explicit descriptions of things but proceed with caution if you find this topic triggering. thank you for the request and for your patience, sorry it took so long, hope you enjoy <3

* * * * * * *

In hindsight, the signs that something was wrong were obvious.

You should have picked up on them immediately but you were too distracted by the world around you to notice what was going on inside your inner world. Realistically, there were a hundred reasons for your slip of mind and yet, the only thing you could blame was yourself.

You and your lack of focus. 

You and your constant need for external factors to take away feelings you should be capable of working through on your own.

The list of habits to blame for the sudden breakdown of your mental fortitude was shockingly long, in your opinion. 

You probably should have told Kate about your increasingly anxious and self-deprecating thoughts but you foolishly believed you could handle it on your own. 

Plus, she was busy. Too busy to get caught up in issues she ultimately didn’t care about.

At least, that’s what you told yourself…which just made your thoughts worse. 

A part of you knew the archer cared, of course she cared, she had spent the first month since you moved in with her bringing you random gifts after every night of crime fighting. It bordered on ridiculous, especially since there were only so many places to put flower vases, but it showed just how much your girlfriend cared for you. How much she thought of you.

How much she worried for you whether she was next to you or a whole city away.

It’s a thought that usually reassures you. One that reminds you of the love you have for each other. 

The more your thoughts turned sour, though, the more that love turned into a weapon. It forced you to retreat, to pull away from the archer while pretending like the distance you were putting between you wasn’t killing you inside. 

But being alone only made everything worse. And suddenly, the fear of disappointing Kate suffocated you every waking hour.

It didn’t make sense and yet here you are, home alone, hiding in the bathroom, and gripping the sink so hard that your knuckles had turned white a while ago. At least the uncomfortable feeling in your hands had kept you from doing something you really, really, shouldn’t do.

You stare at your reflection in the mirror, frowning at the face that stares back at you. It’s hard to see anything besides the dark bags under your eyes and the exhaustion that’s so clear in every single one of your features.

A sigh leaves your lips as your mind drifts to the razors in the sink cabinet. Your hand is already so close to the cabinet door and the urge to do something you won’t be able to take back rises to the forefront of your mind.

No amount of deep breaths are able to ground you enough for your thoughts to change. Your hand moves a few inches when you suddenly hear the front door slam shut. Some of Kate’s bad habits were also your best allies in moments like this.

You move faster than you can even comprehend, turning the lock on the door and shuffling as far away from the door as you possibly can. You sit on the ground right as footsteps near the bathroom door.

“y/n?”

Her voice startles you despite how soft it sounds. There’s nothing but affection in her tone and yet alarm bells ring in your mind. You almost suffocate under the overwhelming need to run away, to hide, to disappear. 

Your intentions must be obvious despite your silence since she knocks on the door once more. There’s an urgency to her movements that you can’t quite explain. It’s almost like she’s afraid of you slipping away.

The mere thought makes guilt rise up like bile in your throat.

“Love?” She tries once more, her voice uncharacteristically calm. “Can you please open the door?”

You want to do it, you really do, but your whole body feels heavier than ever. No amount of effort or inner screaming gets your limbs to move even though all you really want right now is the archer standing patiently on the other side of the door.

You really don't deserve her.

The door slams open at the exact second your thoughts grow dark once more. 

The sound causes you to jump, your arms instinctively wrapping around your knees and bringing them further against your chest. Almost as if it’ll truly make you disappear so you won’t have to face the disappointment you know will be hiding in the depths of Kate’s concerned eyes.

“Sorry, I got too impatient to pick the lock,” she says, awkwardly scratching the back of her neck. 

You almost want to laugh. Only Kate could be so awkwardly charming at a time like this. Despite her charming act, it’s obvious she’s nervous and more than a little out of her depth. You’d feel bad about it if you weren’t in the same boat as her.  

“Um…” Your eyes lift up from your knees to her face, silently watching while she struggles to put her thoughts into words. “Is it okay if I sit next to you?” 

The answer is obvious to you and yet you still hesitate. Not because you don’t want her around but because you’re afraid of how you’ll act. Of the weird mix of frustration and desperation that make up your inner world right now.

“Yeah,” you mumble. 

Kate wastes no time in coming closer to you. A cynical part of you hates the way she looks at you like you’re the most fragile thing in the world. You know it’s unfair, especially since she’s simply concerned for your well-being, but you can’t change your thoughts. You’ve already spent most of the day trying and failing miserably.

True to her word, Kate simply sits next to you, her side barely brushing up against you. It’s enough of a reminder that she’s physically with you without her running the risk of overwhelming you with more contact than you’re ready for. 

You know her just as well as she knows you, though, and your eyes zero in on her fidgeting hands. It’s almost like you can see the struggle in her motions. The aching need to reach out and touch you, to make sure you’re truly safe.

Ultimately, she doesn’t move. And neither do you.

For the first time in a long time, Kate doesn’t rush. She doesn’t question things or make one of her badly-timed but well-intentioned jokes. 

She just…sits there. 

Waiting. 

Silently watching over you in a wordless expression of her support and love for you. 

It’s more beautifully emotional than you were prepared for and you’re almost not sure what to do.

Until, eventually, you find some sense of calm. You grasp onto it quicker than your mind can even handle and finally…you’re able to move again.

It’s a subtle, almost slow, movement but Kate picks up on it pretty much instantly. You extend your arm out toward her and she gently holds the back of your hand while lifting the sleeve of your hoodie up. The audible sigh of relief she lets out makes your heart clench.

She doesn’t question you in any way but you decide to speak up. Maybe a part of you needs to hear the words out loud too.

“My other arm is clean too,” you mumble. “I…I’m still clean.”

She brings your arm up until she’s able to press soft kisses all over the inside of your wrist. “What you are is strong.”

You can’t help but scoff. The knowledge that she means well does little to soothe the disdain that’s made a home in your stomach. “That’s not true.”

The tone your voice carries startles her enough for her to change her approach. It’s not one she particularly wants to employ but she figures it’s better than arguing. 

“Of course it’s true,” she responds. “I know you’ve been struggling all week, y/n. Surviving that takes more than just luck.”

Her words leave no room for arguing so all you can do is huff in response. Your obvious frustration does little to deter her and she continues to caress your wrist. You don’t miss the way she lingers over the few faded scars that remain etched into your skin.

The affection soothes you somewhat which only brings back the thoughts that had sent you down this spiral in the first place. 

“I want to do more than just survive,” you whisper. “I want to live, Kate. Without feeling so…helpless all the time.”

“Babe…” She sighs.

Your body tenses up as you prepare yourself for the disappointment that is sure to follow. 

Who are you to complain? The only thing standing in your way is yourself and yet you have the nerve to act like it’s the end of the world. It’s no one’s fault but your own that you can’t function like a normal person. 

You expect her to verbalize your own thoughts, to prove that all your doubts were correct, that you deserve to feel this way after all. It’s an extremely unrealistic expectation considering who Kate is but you can’t stop yourself from wanting to be proven right. 

To be given a reason for wanting to disappear.

There’s nothing the archer loves more than proving you wrong, though.

“y/n, surviving is a part of living,” she says, her voice soft yet more serious than you’re used to hearing her. “I know it probably doesn’t feel like that right now but pushing through is the first step to living. You just have to take it step by step…and you don’t have to do it alone. I’m here for you, if and when you want me.”

Kate’s never been known for being particularly good at saying the right thing at the right time but today…her words seem to ease some of the weight you’ve been carrying lately. Maybe it’s not much but it’s certainly a start.

“I do want you here,” you find yourself saying. “I just…I don’t know why it feels easier to push you away.”

“Because you’re scared, darling. You don’t want me to leave so you walk away first. I do the same thing, y’know?”

You can’t help but scoff. If there’s one thing Kate doesn’t know how to do is walk away when she really should. It would be infuriating if it didn’t work out in her favor most times. Hence how she ended up as Hawkeye in the first place. “Literally when have you done that?”

“Before I met you.” She playfully bumps your shoulder with her own. “It wasn’t exactly my charm that made me a heartbreaker.”

You chuckle despite yourself. “Please, Kate, you’ve always been too oblivious to be a heartbreaker on purpose.”

“Okay, ouch. I am not oblivious.”

Instead of arguing with your stubborn girlfriend, you simply lean closer to her and rest your head on her shoulder. Her arm instantly wraps itself around you to pull you even closer.

The physical comfort helps to ground you and little by little, your bad thoughts stop looking so overwhelming. It’s a small step but it’s a step forward and with Kate by your side, the path to recovery doesn’t seem so bad.

[psychotic-nonsense]

NOW WITH A PART 2 AND PART 3 !!!!

Not sure if this is anything, and feel free to critique or add on or clarify and all that, but...

A few weeks post-Starcourt Steve, absolutely wrecked by the Russians and Billy. He's healing, little by little, but he knows he needs to put his pain aside to help out The Party. Especially Robin, who has not been coping with the trauma well. She's taken to spending the night at Steve's most of the time, and they help each other manage. She's not the best with physical comfort, nor is Steve with verbal comfort, but they're managing.

Yet despite the constant offers of help, Steve always refuses to "ask for too much" and often downplays his pain, forcing a smile to keep anyone from worrying. He's bottling up everything - probably handling it worse than Robin, even though he insists he's used to it and knows how to fix himself. Every day he gets a little worse, and every night he brushes off help.

It's during one of these late nights that disaster finds them again. It's Steve and Robin in his living room, and they're just about falling asleep on the couch when the ground begins rumbling, hard. An earthquake, shaking Hawkins and getting the entire Party in a frenzy. The radios are blaring with the kids' voices and Steve's trying to get Robin to stop screaming into the walkie, when suddenly there's a hole opening up in Steve's living room, and the earthquake stops. Steve and Robin go quiet, and the kids are urging for a response as they all rush to meet up at Steve's.

But he and Robin can't speak, too busy staring at the hole. One that looks way too similar to the Gates... but it glows blue instead of the usual red. Steve, ever the protector, is carefully stepping around the hole to grab a fire poker for defense. The second he does, the Party bursts in, just in time to watch the hole suddenly crack open further, sucking Steve in and closing itself behind him-

As Steve Harrington lands in the bedroom of Post-ST3-release 2019 Eddie Munson.

Eddie's living rough, bunking in his childhood friend Ronnie's basement. An orphan, can't hold a job, in his second senior year of high school purely because he knows he has nothing else to do after it. His only source of comfort so far has been DnD - either the DM hosting he does at the local library for the other poor lost suckers, or the one Netflix show with its elements that has captured his heart.

Eddie's a pretty big Stranger Things fan - it has its faults but is otherwise a really fun and interesting show - but ever since ST2, he's especially been a Steve Harrington fan. He feels like he goes mad just thinking about the implications of what that man has gone through, what all those kids have been through, and how Steve has put aside himself to focus on the kids. How much Steve has changed, and how under appreciated he is.

Since binging all of ST3 the day it released, Eddie's had a field day on breaking down this newest reformation of Steve. He adores Robin - clocked her as a lesbian from episode 1 - and loves that Dustin and Erica have been bringing out his bitchy side, while still keeping him in check. The Russian torture and strange parallels with Billy have made him cry on more than one occasion, and Steve's half-high speech in the bathroom legitimately felt like Steve finally acknowledging his change, even if for but a moment.

Ronnie's teased Eddie way too much about his "obvious crush on Joe Keery" but this feels way too personal for him to just be crushing on an actor. This is Eddie falling for the Fallen King of Hawkins himself, and it's much more embarrassing. Steve Harrington becomes his muse in every form of art; drawing, writing, character inspiration and improvisation. The Duffer brothers aren't the greatest at the rest of the show, but they've damn well got this guy down.

Hell, Eddie was halfway to crossing the last personal barrier to outright obsession (x Reader fanfiction) when the earthquake hit. In hindsight it wasn't the worst thing in the world, but Eddie had never experienced one before. He immediately dove right under his bed, covering his ears and curling up in a ball like a coward ("Nancy Wheeler would be ashamed," his weird ass brain supplies). He hears rumbling, things falling over, wood splintering and the world seemingly cracking apart all around him-

When a body suddenly lands hard on his bed with a loud scream of fear, cutting off as the whatever it is rolls straight off to the floor, and the world gives one final strain before going completely silent.

Terrified, Eddie's eyes are shut tight, cowering as the body on the floor just a foot away from him groans and gasps for air. It takes a sudden hiss of pain for Eddie to finally, carefully, crack one eye open.

Only to come eye to eye, through the gaps of his bedsheets, with the very muse he'd just been thinking of. Steve Harrington.

There's an immediate scramble of panic; Eddie bashing his skull into his bed frame trying to get out and away from the obvious hallucination, while Steve wobbles on his feet to defend himself against this strange humanoid Upside Down monster.

"What are you?! Where am I?!"

"What am- Are- You- No, you're not real- JESUS H. CHRIST MAN, GET THAT AWAY FROM ME!"

"I don't know what you're talking about, but you're gonna see how real this is if you don't tell me what's going on!"

"You think I know?! You fell into my room!!"

"Yeah, from your Gate!!"

"WHAT FUCKING GATE- WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?"

"I DON'T FUCKING KNOW!!"

That gets them both to shut up, just staring at each other. Eddie pressed up against the wall in fear with his hands up and out wide, Steve with the fire poker pointed straight at his neck and his hand held up cautiously. Eddie sees it, smells blood in the air, and ignoring everything, reaches out for it. Steve jabs at the air with the poker, but it's halfhearted, his energy clearly draining, too exhausted with the whole situation to try much further. Finally his arm drops, but Eddie doesn't move, watching Steve's face crumple in a way that aches everything inside his heart.

"Where am I...?" Steve pleas, tone just as desperate as the one from the Russian bunker, even when lacking its power.

Eddie fumbles for the words, but eventually just sighs. "Somewhere you wouldn't believe, my friend."

High and complacent on adrenaline and shock, Steve and Eddie just move in silence. Eddie grabs a wet cloth to clean the blood, Steve cutting off a bit of his sweatpants to use as gauze. It's just a gash from falling with the fire poker, nothing drastic, but the two stare at the cut in Steve's palm, easier to see than the one who's hand is on theirs.

Introductions are exchanged when they can finally stop shaking, and Eddie somehow drops the bomb on where and when Steve is, and what his entire existence is to this reality. Steve has a very brief existential panic attack about it, but is strangely comforted by Eddie's confidence about it all - "Even without El's powers, those kids are smart as hell. They'll figure out a way to make their own Gate and get you back home."

Then Steve just spends the next week or two in a reality almost 40 years in the future, where he and his entire existence is a sci-fi TV show. Some funny exchanges I've been thinking of:

Steve: Wait, so we're characters in a show, right? That means we have actors.

Eddie: Oh, uh, yeah, you do...

Steve: ...Think I could see them?

Eddie: Uh- Sure, I guess? Not sure what you're expecting, it's a live action thing, they look just like you.

Steve: Never getting used to your future phone... Huh, Joe Keery? Looks like a cool guy- woah, is that what my hair looks like short??

Eddie: Yup, again, literally just you.

Steve: Funny how we both have the most basic names too. Steve and Joe? Like, look at Dustin's actor, what kind of name is Gaten?

Eddie: Rude, the guy plays your little brother.

Steve: Quit bringing your fake show theories into my actual life.

Eddie: It's true though.

Steve: ...Yeah.

----------------

(Steve goes crazy after a few days of being locked in, and begs Eddie to take him out to "see the future." While they're walking around town, a group of girls suddenly freak out and rush them)

"It's Joe Keery! Guys, look it's Steve Harrington, from Stranger Things!!"

(Eddie's halfway to panicking, but Steve immediately handles the situation)

Steve: Sorry to disappoint, ladies, not him. Don't worry though, I've been getting that a lot since the show came out.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry! Hope we didn't make you uncomfortable, mister..."

Steve: Mark, and not at all! I get asked this a lot too, but do you girls want a picture? For bragging rights, getting to meet "The Steve Harrington?"

(They agree, Eddie takes it for them, the girls go on their way)

Eddie whispering: That's gonna be everywhere in 5 seconds, I hope you know.

Steve whispering: Eh, it's a crowd my actor didn't have to deal with. Besides, felt pretty good.

Eddie: Familiar experience?

Steve: For a better reason.

-------------

Steve, showing Eddie's laptop screen open to the FunkoPop website and the Scoops Duo, halfway to tears: They make figurines of me and Robin?

Eddie: Yeah, of all you guys. I've got a little Dustin on my desk.

Steve, beginning to cry from how adorable he finds it: YOU DO?

---------------

(Ronnie comes back from work early while Steve and Eddie are talking in the living room. Eddie freezes as Steve makes eye contact, and Ronnie just stares)

Ronnie: Um, hi?

Steve: Oh, hey! You must be Eddie's roommate, nice to finally meet you! I'm Mark.

(That allows a breath to finally enter and escape Eddie's throat in a bit of a laugh. Steve's really leaning into this Mark persona)

Ronnie: Ronnie, and likewise... Sorry if I'm acting weird, you're just a really good cosplayer. Thought you were actually Steve for a second.

Steve hesitantly: Nah, just a doppleganger.

Ronnie, shrugging and walking away: Well okay then, I'm way too tired to talk much more. Eds, just keep your nerd shit out of the sink-

Eddie: And stay quiet, yeah yeah, go rest, breadwinner.

(Ronnie goes upstairs, out of earshot)

Steve whispering: What's a cosplayer?

Eddie, suddenly also very tired: Tell you later.

I'm thinking that Eddie had sketchbooks, notebooks, and Word Docs absolutely stuffed full of ST character evaluation, which he immediately hid upon Steve's arrival. Maybe Steve gets bored when Eddie's out for whatever reason, and snoops around. That's when he finds it all crammed at the back of Eddie's closet. The kids, Nancy, Jonathan, Robin, Joyce, Hopper, hell Billy and Murray are in the pile. Drawings of them in their adventures, active and mundane alike. Pages upon pages of character description, Eddie's handwriting gushing about the parts of the show and characters he loves, hates, wishes was fixed, all of it.

But the part that gets Steve is one specific sketchbook and notebook, both dubbed the Steven Soliloquy. It's the same type of information as before, but only about him, and it's filled to the brim. Eddie talking about his development, his change of heart, the complete shift that Nancy and the Upside Down and the kids allowed him to have. The affects of his trauma, and how much he stuffed it down in favor of everyone else. Talked about his relationships, ones he cherishes, loathes, never thought of or never got the chance to make. Talked about "AUs," alternative realities where he got everything he ever wanted. Eddie's words, his sketches, devolve into adoration-fueled envy, wishing he could be near such an amazing man, that he was strong enough to be such an amazing man. How much his heart aches for Steve.

And if this were a normal situation, Steve would be uncomfortable, creeped out. But knowing the context of it all, Steve can't help but be enamored. That his family's journey, his entire story of survival - even when fictional to Eddie - is so valued makes it all feel a little more worth it. That there was someone out there during all of their terror, rooting for their victory, crying with their pain, screaming with their fears, understanding them because he lived through it all right beside them.

Eddie finds Steve in his room later that day, surrounded by those books. Staring at what Eddie considers his WIP magnum opus; a half-finished colored pencil recreation of the Last Supper with the entire Party, including all of the people they lost, happy and healthy. Eddie's two seconds from apologizing for how creepy it all must be - seeing how many of those books are open - but then he sees the tears in Steve's eyes. Gratitude and adoration and care, all bundled up and very suddenly staring right at him with the widest smile he's seen.

They talk about it. Eddie finally admits his minor obsession with the show, and how much they've helped him come to terms with being a self-dubbed loser. He honestly gushes way too much about what he owes to them about his life, but Steve listens to it all with complete adoration. At the end of it, Steve asks Eddie about the possibility that they've been adamantly ignoring for Steve's entire stay: actually watching Stranger Things.

And that's how they spend their last week. Starting from season 1, they sit in the living room and binge the entire thing. Steve learns an entirely new perspective about his family's adventures, not only from the show's canon, but from Eddie's theories and rants in between monumental moments. Eddie holds his hand during the scenes that focus on his worst nightmares; the Demogorgan in the Byler home, the breakup, his fight with Billy, the Russians. Steve provides his perspective on how he felt during it all, finally admitting to the pain he's gone through instead of just focusing on the others hoping it'll all go away.

Not sure where exactly it goes from here. Maybe some codependency grows between them. Maybe Steve falls a little in love. Maybe they just stay friends, the only ones who understand each other aside from their Platonic Soulmates.

Maybe, when another earthquake finally hits, opening up a Gate in Ronnie's backyard, Steve and Eddie finally must go their separate ways. Eddie promising to keep watching over them from across the realm, Steve promising to make a happy ending for their story.

Or maybe, Steve can't help but see what little Eddie has, how special Eddie actually is, and offer to bring him along. Into the very show he loves so much. Maybe Eddie convinces Ronnie that he'll be okay, swearing to be entertaining should he join the show in an important way, and making her swear that if he doesn't survive to bring him back in as much fanfiction as she can write. Maybe Eddie enters Hawkins, Indiana, and becomes a bit self aware about being in a TV show. It takes a while for everyone to warm up to the future man - and for Eddie to get used to Midwestern US in the 80s - but he becomes a close member of the Party quite easily. Maybe his involvement in season 4, his death, is avoided, and maybe it's not.

But his adoration for Steve Harrington never goes away. Not in canon, or in fiction.

[coraniaid]

Reverse Unpopular Opinion: Season Four of BtVS

[Reverse unpopular opinion meme.]

I’ve been (very, very slowly) rewatching Season 4 on and off all year (and occasionally writing Tumblr posts complaining about this very process about the episodes I’ve been watching), and I think it’s fair to say that this is definitely not the best way to enjoy any season of television.  

That being said, I feel I’d be lying at this point if I pretended this was my absolute favorite season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  In hindsight, the show was in a strange transitory place this year: having lost some of the grounding framework that the high school setting gave the first three seasons of the show – as well as having suddenly lost some of its actors and writers to the new Angel spin-off – and not yet having quite figured out what it was going to do instead.  One can imagine some alternate reality where the show ended up taking a very different direction after this season.

That being said, here are five things I like a lot about Season 4, with as few caveats as I can manage:

I think the opening four episodes of this season – The Freshman, Living Conditions, The Harsh Light Of Day, Fear Itself – are as strong as, if not stronger than, the first four episodes of any other season of the show.  Every other season has at least one dodgy episode in this opening block – in fact Season 3, my favorite season of them all, manages to have two of them! – but where is the bad episode here?  The Freshman is a criminally underrated season opener.  Living Conditions is a fun character episode and a great showcase for SMG to act in ways she doesn’t normally get to on this show.  Fear Itself is the best Halloween episode the show ever did and it’s not even especially close.  The Harsh Light Of Day is my least favorite of the four, for reasons I guess it would be against the spirit of the game to go into, but I certainly wouldn’t say it was a bad episode by any means.  Perhaps none of these episodes would trouble my personal top ten, but they are four very solid episodes nonetheless.

While Anya had of course appeared in a handful of Season 3 episodes, I think Season 4 is the point where Emma Caulfield really makes the role her own.  This season’s version of the character – a blunt-speaking outsider whose romantic struggles are often deliberately contrasted with Buffy’s own [in the aforementioned The Harsh Light Of Day, for example] and who is inexplicably attracted to Xander Harris – could easily have come across as a fairly lazy attempt to replace Cordelia Chase, and I think it’s largely to Caulfield’s credit that she doesn’t.  Anya feels very much like her own person this season, and an increasingly integral member of the group.  It’s a performance that retroactively redefines the character: of course this is who Anya is.  Of course she always acted this way. It's only when you back and rewatch The Wish or Doppelgangland that you realize she didn't. And I think it’s pretty obvious, for example, that when people [e.g. people like me] go back to write Season 3 fanfiction where Anya features more heavily than in canon they [again, meaning me] invariably end up writing the Season 4 version of the character instead.  Anyanka might have appeared for the first time in Season 3, but Anya belongs to Season 4.

I really like how important to the show Willow has become at this point and how much of this season is all about her.  Just go back and look at the first season, in which Willow is arguably the member of the Core Four the writers cared least about – when she existed mainly to nurse a sad unrequited crush on Xander and to be good with computers when the plot required someone to be – and then compare that to this season, where she is Buffy’s best friend and roommate, unambiguously the second most important Scooby, and the center of a – genuinely pretty groundbreaking for the time – .season long subplot about coming out as a lesbian.  And of course Amber Benson is great as Tara too.  I’ve criticized the character of Oz for being very transparently written just to be Willow’s Nice Supportive Boyfriend and never becoming much more than that, and on paper you could level the same sort of charge at Tara.  And sure, obviously she was written to be Willow’s girlfriend and it’s impossible to seriously pretend otherwise.  But I think Tara manages to become a more rounded character than Oz very quickly. Even in this season, when she doesn’t yet have much connection to the others (she will, later, go on to become a key member of the group and a friend of Buffy's in ways I don’t think Oz was) she feels a little more complex than he did.

Faith is in this season!  I don’t just mean in the two parter This Year’s Girl / Who Are You? either. Of course, both of these episodes are great: the scene in the church in Who Are You? In which Faith (in Buffy’s body) breaks down while fighting Buffy (in Faith’s body), -- screaming repeatedly at her own reflection that she’s “nothing”, “disgusting”, and a "murderous bitch" -- is one of my favorites in the whole show.  But Faith feels like a real presence in the show even in the episodes she’s not actually in herself.  Unlike Kendra or Jenny in previous seasons, or even Cordelia the season, the other characters still talk about her and remember she existed when it’s appropriate that they do so (and in a way that they won’t really do again until … well, until Faith comes back in Season 7’s Dirty Girls).

Finally, Restless is possibly the best episode the show ever did, and certainly one of its most creative.  Willow’s dream sequence in particular is fantastically well done. I think this might be my favorite single act in all of Buffy.  Why this all works for me – apart from the fact that the show now has years of history to fall back on and reference – is that it’s an example of the show being utterly unafraid to play to its strengths.  Characterisation, dream sequences, dialogue, foreshadowing, oddly striking visuals, random moments of comedy … these – rather than tightly written plots or rigorously consistent world-building or anything that requires a working knowledge of world history or how the US military functions or what capitalism actually is – are the show’s strengths.  So Restless embraces all of these elements, and just doesn’t bother with anything else.  And the result is a season finale that – by virtue of not really being a season finale at all, at least according to the usual rules – is not quite like any other season finale the show ever did.  Which is, on reflection, a pretty fitting end to Season 4, a season of the show not quite like any of the others. 

[hollowed-theory-hall]

How well JK execute mystery in her books?

I'd say pretty well overall. Like, each HP book has its own slowly building mystery thread, and then you have mysteries that are over the course of the whole series. In general, I think she's pretty good at slowly building up a mystery and leaving a ton of foreshadowing behind for a second reading.

Philosopher's Stone has a really well-structured mystery. It's planted in the reader's mind at Gringotts when Hagrid takes the package. Then Gringotts is broken into, there's the out-of-bounds Third Floor Corridor, and something is killing the unicorns. Like, it's very well structured and has a satisfying conclusion that fits all the buildup.

Chamber of Secrets has one of the better mysteries in the series, I think. Like, in how it's written and structured. We start this one not slowly, but with a bang by Dobby telling Harry there's a nefarious plot. This already gets the ball rolling and the reader questioning. Add to that we see Lucius at Diagon Alley, we later see Ginny acting odd, Myrtle is there since very early in the book, and Harry's Parseltongue from the beginning of PS comes back into play. The foreshadowing and buildup are all there and the tension slowly builds up as Harry (and you) learn more. Then you meet Tom and fall for him a little like Harry does which makes the reveal (which is obvious in hindsight) all the more heart-reaching. I really like the mystery in CoS.

Prisoner of Azkaban takes a page out of CoS and starts with the bang of "Sirius Black escaped Azkaban and he's trying to kill Harry". Unfortunately, unlike in CoS, the mystery doesn't really breathe over the course of the book. Sure, you have the "what's up with Lupin" thread, but throughout the book, Harry isn't really interested in that mystery. It's all about his parents and Sirius Black. There is no question regarding Sirius' guilt throughout this book until the very end and the question of what he wants isn't raised either because Harry believes he is out to kill him. So, I'd say PoA isn't really a mystery the way the first two are since the answers we got don't fit the questions we asked.

Goblet of Fire is, like its name, fire. This is my favorite book, and the mystery plot is serving in this one. Moody acts strange throughout the whole book, someone puts Harry's name in the goblet, Moody is drinking from a flask, and Snape has some potion ingredients used for Polyjuice in CoS stolen from him. And then you have the memory of the trial scene of Barty and Ceouch Sr walking around too. All the buildup to the reveal is great and super fun to point out on a second readthrough. The answers are super satisfying as well and are so worth the buildup. Like, the ending of this book hits. There's a reason this one is my favorite.

Order of the Phoenix is a bit of a weaker entry. Not for the same reasons as PoA though. OotP does ask the questions: "What's the weapon Voldemort is after?", "What are the Order guarding?", and "What is this hallway Harry keeps dreaming about?" And all these questions get a satisfying answer. My problem is in the buildup. The buildup in this book of Harry's connection to Voldemort is more relevant to the overarching mystery regarding Harry being a Horcrux, not to the internal mystery of OotP. So, OotP's mystery lacks in the slow progression throughout the book itself, but you don't feel it cause it has so many other great things going on in it.

Half-Blood Prince is similar to OotP. Like, it has two mystery threads, really and both of them don't really get a slow, gradual buildup towards that answers (even if the answers are good). Like, the mystery of who the prince is doesn't really get much foreshadowing, and even on a second read you barely get hints toward the prince being Snape. Same for what's Draco up to, honestly. Like, as the reader you kinda know what's going on with him, so it's just Harry trying to figure out what you kinda already know. Like, it doesn't have the gradual build from the earlier books of the mystery being unraveled slowly until the final moment of the reveal. Like OotP, HBP has a lot else going for it so you don't notice it much.

Deathly Hallows, has so many little mysteries inside it so it feels unfocused because it's trying to do too much. Becouse of that, I think some of the mysteries are better than others. It's the culmination of the mystery of Harry and Voldemort's connection, which I think was very well structured over the course of the whole series. Dumbledore's past and master plan and who Dumbledore really was, was a fun theme/mystery that I think was done well. I would've liked it better if Harry didn't name his kid Albus if only to leave this mystery open-ended a little, you know? so the reader could think for themselves what they think about Dumbledore without shoehorning in that Harry thinks he's good. The mystery of Deathly Hallows, which is the titular mystery of this book, could've been built better. It's lacking some buildup during the book (and before it if we're being honest) and I would've liked learning more about the Hallows than what we got. Like, it feels like a mystery that didn't get all the answers it should've gotten. Like in OotP and HBP, there is so much else going on, that the weaker internal book mystery would've been basically unnoticeable if the book was more well-structured and had better pacing.

These are my opinions as there is some subjectivity in this sort of question.

[beesmygod]

a study came out that might indicate that the benefits gained from medical ketamine are a result of the placebo effect (or as the article makes a purpose of highlighting, "having hope") rather than any specific mechanism unique to hallucinogens. but the way they did the study was really interesting, as they make the point that its nearly impossible to do blind studies of a hallucinogen because its REALLY obvious whether or not you have a placebo.

additionally interesting is the way that researchers discuss and reframe placebo as a mechanism with actual biological impact instead of its general perception as "haha you got tricked into feeling better for no reason dipshit!" in hindsight it makes perfect sense that there's actual chemical stuff going on under the hood

“In some ways, none of this is new,” said Boris Heifets, the study’s corresponding author. “Placebo is probably the single most effective, consistent intervention in medicine, full stop. It’s seen in every trial, and we should probably be paying more attention to the factors that give rise to it.” [...] “Saying ‘it’s just a placebo’ is really a disservice to what placebo is,” Heifets said. “It isn’t ‘I’ll feel better if I say it enough times,’ and it does not imply that there was nothing wrong with the patient.” The researchers settled on the physiological resonance between the placebo effect – which they describe as hope – and how ketamine exerts its effects. Studies have shown that both affect the brain’s mu-opioid receptors, which process pain. “There is most definitely a physiological mechanism, something that happens between your ears when you instill hope,” Heifets said.

article here

probably the same stuff that makes it seem like people improve from prayer. pretty neat!

[hoonvrs]

NOONA — 09: we both crode (+written 0.5k)

if sunghoon was anything, he was a man of his word. so as soon as he saw sunoo walk into the house he instantly tackled him to the ground. whenever sunghoon said he was going to fight one of them he meant it, and although they usually end their fights unharmed this one wasn't the case.

jungwons hallway wasn't exactly the most spacious place fit for two teenage boys to fight in but did that stop them?

absolutely not.

this leads them to continuously bang each other heads into the wall accidentally, "come on guys, you're gonna dent the wall and halmeoni will get mad," jungwon said, successfully causing both boys to stop their little scruffle.

"just know if it weren't for halmeoni i would've fucked you up."

"shut the fuck up sunghoon you fight like a little girl," sunoo huffed, readjusting his school jumper to its right place ignoring the high pitched "BITCH!" coming from sunghoon. in hindsight, jungwon should've known that their fight wasn't gonna end until one of them finally tapped out (usually sunghoon) so he didn't do anything but watch as he sees sunghoon, once again, jump their friend.

"i don't give a fuck about the walls," sunghoon huffed, pushing sunoo further into the hallway causing them both to trip and fall to the floor, tussling around towards the stairs.

"fuck you!" pushing sughoon a little too hard where he fell back and hit his head against the stair railing, hard. a gasp could be heard at the top of the stairs.

"oh my god, are you okay?" 

sunghoon wanted to die.

looking up he can see jungwons sister at the top of the stair, hand hovering over her mouth with an obvious look of concern proving she had seen what happened. no one even had time to react before sunghoon pushed an apologetic sunoo off him and ran towards the storage closet at the back of the house.

yn came halfway down the steps before jungwon interrupted her, "he's gonna be fine you can go back up," she gave him a nod, still looking in the direction where the boy had run.

"okay. if you need anything i'll be upstairs." she left after giving sunoo a glance over concluding he looked fine as he was stood dusting off his pants.

the boys were left with a kind of awkward air, sunoo making sure his uniform was still in one piece asking jungwon to check the back of his shirt with the rest of the boys looking at the stairs dumbfounded.

"so we just gonna ignore how fucking pretty your sister is or what?" jay asked, "she literally made me forget to laugh at sunghoon."

followed by jake repeatedly hitting his arm, "bro same," elongating the end of the word, "but where the fuck did he run off to?" the group slowly started to make their way towards the back of the house, finding the lights in the storage closet on. they tried to open the door but they could feel the weight of sunghoons body keeping against the door.

"sunghoon hyung open the door," niki kept banging against the wood, "don't make me break the door down come on."

a screaming "NO!" came from inside, the embarrassment evident in his voice. “LET ME DIE HERE!”

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S. NOTES: written chap to apologise for the lack of updates 🫶🏼 hopefully it’s not as awks as it felt to write cause it’s been a minute😭

SYNOPSIS: park sunghoon experienced love at first sight when he first laid eyes on his friends older sister. a series of sunghoon desperately trying to do anything in his power to get the girl and yang jungwon cockblocking him for funsies.

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[muzzlemouths]

I JSUT SAW THE DIR CUT THING EXPLODES okay okay i have so much i wanna ask(mostly related to the polls im sorry its so interesting of a mechanic) . ! - FIRST did you originally plan on the fic to be poll based or was it a later decision? - did we as a collective ever make any/a ddecision you were genuinely surprised about? any big things you had/(have? 👀) in mind only for us to totally dash your hopes and dreams? - are any of the counselors ones you're sad died? who has been the most disappointing for you so far? (who were you hoping would survive?) - if you could give us a rating 1-10 or so, how well would you say we've done so far? (personally id give it a B ish..) - Aside from Chet, could we have saved everyone? (also because im a sucker for feels, were any of the kids who died personal hits for sun/moon? any close bonds that were cut?)

⭐️ Director's Cut ask game

Did you originally plan on the fic to be poll based or was it a later decision?

I wanted it to be poll based from the start! I first came up with the idea last October, but I was originally going to do it similar to OWRF. Within that year, however, I realized that using polls would streamline the process and make it much easier on me, which is fantastic, because writing OWRF with the initial Choose Your Own Story mechanic I'd been using felt like trying to control a derailing train at all times.

Did we as a collective ever make any/a ddecision you were genuinely surprised about? any big things you had/(have? 👀) in mind only for us to totally dash your hopes and dreams?

All of them. I need y'all to understand I had to sit down and rewrite a solid chunk of my outline because I had set it up/started writing certain scenes under the assumption that that's the route/decision we'd be pursuing, but time and time again, everyone surprised me.

I wasn't expecting y'all to save Dolly (much less be so passionate about turning this into an Everyone Lives run), I wasn't expecting you to trust Moon (though in hindsight, I should have known. This is their fandom we're in after all), and I definitely wasn't expecting this last decision to be such a tight race.

Complete transparency here, I had fully anticipated that the majority vote would be to Agree(lie), and I had to scramble to rearrange some pieces of the outline when it became glaringly obvious that lying was the last thing any of you wanted to do. I'm grateful for it, though.

I said it before and I'll say it again: the y/n of this story changes with each decision made. They have some set personality traits, sure, but most of it is entirely determined by you, the readers. Seeing the votes flood in — with lying as the least popular opinion — not only surprised me but gave me a much needed reality check on where our y/n stands, which in turn allowed me to scrap the original first page of what happened next in favor of writing something that is reflective of the decision, and I am much happier with it now. Proud of you guys.

Are any of the counselors ones you're sad died? who has been the most disappointing for you so far? (who were you hoping would survive?)

Man. Man. Had you asked me my opinion on Chet at the beginning of writing this fic I'd have read the guy to filth. But now? Regretfully I am beginning to like him. I'm almost upset that I'd made the decision to make his death inevitable, but so much hinges on it, so it was a necessary sacrifice. (Also, I'm supposed to remain unbiased about these things, but if you guys get Oscar killed I will cry and cry)

If you could give us a rating 1-10 or so, how well would you say we've done so far? (personally id give it a B ish..)

Considering we're currently on what I consider the best route? I'd say you're doing pretty damn well! There hasn't been a single vote thus far that leads to the bad route, and the results of the most recent poll have officially locked us out of the bad route entirely. I am clapping and cheering for you!!!! congrats!!! 🎉

Aside from Chet, could we have saved everyone?

You could, and you still can! But Oscar isn't the only life you will need to save.

[smallplaceinthecosmos]

With wild life completely finished now I feel like I can say definitively that, while all the different wild cards were VERY technically impressive and I absolutely appreciate all the work that went into them, for something like the life series they did take over too much and got in the way of people having fun I think. Impulse said he'd enjoy doing a series that went back to basics with just the three lives again and I agree that likely would have been more engaging to me personally. I caught myself dropping off watching some folks for some of the later episodes - and granted some of that was also a combination of Skizz being my main pov and finals coming up so I'm busier right now! But a lot of it was just that the wild cards kind of took over and it just wasn't as engaging as the earlier seasons were to me.

The only exception to this I think is the superpowers one, and I think that could've been a gimmick for a whole series all on its own and it would have been more entertaining to me. Getting to see people get used to their powers and learning how to use them creatively, maybe with a lot more time and effort put into developing and adding features to the powers to make them more interesting - especially adding more weaknesses and such, maybe making ways for specific people to counter each other or something similar - would have still left room for a lot more character interactions, rivalries and alliances to become more solidified, and still been a very fun new twist on the series to watch. (Maybe that's too similar to the origins mod, but I digress.)

I'm VERY sad to say the snails were the wild card that makes this issue the most obvious. Lots of people died to their snails, in ways that were inevitable (BigB) or unsatisfying or excessive - and a lot of people died to them during the finale (BigB AGAIN poor guy, but also Scar and Impulse for his yellow life I think?); a lot of the wild cards, but especially this one, would have been VERY entertaining for one off videos, but were ill suited to a life series.

Honestly if this life series had been a series of single unconnected videos without the life series stakes attached i think that would've made it a lot better. There was nothing added to these videos being interconnected, and in fact I think having them be, say, single unconnected hardcore challenges would've added to the entertainment value because there wouldn't have been the frustration of getting killed by your snail or dying of starvation multiple times in a row putting you at a disadvantage for the whole rest of the series. I'm thinking of Skizz and Pearl specifically when I say this, but I think unsatisfying deaths like that - ones that were inevitable given the nature of the wild cards and not just bad luck - happened to every player except maybe Gem and Joel.

Less catastrophic wild cards might have worked too. Like the shrinking/growing one was of appropriate magnitude I think, or if the one where you could eat anything had only been randomized once or twice, that might have been good. The time dilation one and all the mobs getting randomized were also ok but I'm pretty ambivalent about them personally. The food randomization as it was, the trivia, and the snails monopolized things too much to let anyone get anything done i think. And as aforementioned the superpowers should have been a longer series on its own imo.

Although honestly I don't know if these issues were forseeable? Or at least if someone presented the concept for wild life to me - even with all the wild cards coded and playtested, with everything ready to go - that I would have been able to predict how much they would take away from that player interaction aspect. This may be one of those things that could only be learned in hindsight. I'm still very much looking forward to any future life series and I still enjoyed this one despite my nitpicking! At the end of the day I just hope Grian remembers that bigger isn't always better and this series was good evidence of that, at least in my personal opinion.