#its one of those situations where it rly is just abt how much I think they add to its design

[arolesbianism]

Draws Shake with a generic blue background for the 500th time

[multifandombullshitbabes]

21

24

27

And

30

LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

thank you so much, I shall answer these prompts NEOW

21: Fics you wish you could find more of?

Oooohhh more fics involving Gwen, that's for sure. When she's written right she's one of the strongest, most relatable characters imo, 'cause all she wants is for the world to be right and just and kind and everything wants to prove her wrong, but she won't back down from her views. I would also adore more Elyan, just in general. And complete rewrites of the show 'cause the one I'm reading right now is so good I might do one as well. Also modern au's where they're all like secret badass spies or smth, 'cause those are so fucking cool (i am accepting fic recs for ALL of this, please feed me y'all)

24: Everyone knows that fandom doesn’t like uther but what are your feelings about gaius?

I think 1) we need more concrete info about how he was when he was younger, but 2) i think he is severely complicated and wanted what was best of merlin and morgana, but failed the two while also giving them a ton of love. With morgana, he just didnt want her to pursue her power lest she become uther's next victim, cuz gaius cares for the pendragon siblings like his own. With merlin, he was just trying his best with his overpowered nephew, who alos has a destiny regarding his people's genocide's son, and he just doesn't know what to do half the time, kinda like merlin. I didnt like how he lied to merlin n morgana, how he gaslit her and how he made merlin hide and become so anxious abt his magic (and we see what that looks like season 5), but i get it. I really get it. I dont know what i wouldve done if one wrong move could mean the death of two kids he considers his own. I bet he was scared all the time and hated himself for it.

27: Modern Merlin headcanons, if any?

OH BOY. OHHHH BOY. So many. It really depends on what au i have for modern merlin, but I'll give you a few generals:

he's a teacher of sorts; i like the idea that he's kinda collecting magical anomalies and teaching them how to understand their powers and being, since he knows what its like to be afraid of urself, so he's a personal magic teacher. I also rly like my magic elementary school au, since its merlin teaching magic to a bunch of kids, which is adorable

he has officially one cat, a black one called Midnight, that accidentally became immortal along the way and now hes severally attached. I say officially since hes also friends with any other animal that he might come across and they recognise him if he passes them again. disney princess fr

he's figured out his gender and he can turn into a woman if he wants; she looks exactly like merlin, same height, same weight n muscles, the hair is longer cuz merlin likes it that way and her voice is deep and gorgeous

his favourite weapon is a staff or any long distance fighting weapon of the sort; also he looks cool as fuck fighting with it, but thats just a bonus

I'll stop here but i have SO MANY MORE

30: Side character death that makes you the maddest?

Elyan. There was, quite literally, no need for it. I was gonna say Lancelot, since we did not get enough of him, but his death made sense for his character. Elyan? What the fuck was that? It was just for pain and nothing else. What did it add to the story if not just a sad funeral scene and thats it? It just felt like they wanted him gone n found a way, and that pisses me off. I feel like him saving gwen and living would've given such a complex situation when she turns evil, 'cause what if she "confides" more n more in her brother, creating a rift between arthur n elyan, which then creates a rift between arthur n the knights, which would just isolate him further n make him suffer, which is what morgana wanted!! we couldve had protective brother elyan! I think i just wanted more knights in general.

Thank you so much for this ask, I yapped a fuck ton but it was funn

[fr0gc4t]

a ramble/confession, and some non-dualism tips

if u seem to already consciously know that ur god AND also think in limiting beliefs, ur not alone. i do it too. it’s way more common than u think.

sometimes we understand a concept and think it’s true, but our egos don’t think in the way that would actually comply with that concept, and that stops us from fully shifting into belief and freeing ourselves from ego. “belief” and “knowing” aren’t always the same thing.

prime example: YOU knowing that ur “desires” r already urs, and then ur ego switching the process completely and being like “so where is it?”. we all know that happens to a lot of ppl in the loa/non-dualism community. the ego is tricky bc its nature is to try and intimidate us. then we slip back into ego-based thinking. happened to me, and is still happening atm. and also i wanna remind ppl that, like healing, awakening to ur true self is often not linear. and that’s totally ok as long as u don’t give up. i was pretty much almost fully realized but then i let my ego get to me again and since then i’ve been trying to get back into that state but just haven’t succeeded at changing my thoughts/improving my self-concept (adhd is making it very difficult).

look. ik it’s kinda weird to have someone post a ramble abt FALTERING at living non-dualism. most of the time, we talk abt the opposite to remind ourselves if our power. but i think it’s important to be open and vulnerable when ur struggling, especially when other ppl could learn from ur struggle.

like i said. not getting i right the first time is OK AND NORMAL. ik ppl say “changing ur self-concept is effortless” but LET’S BE REAL FOR A SEC: that’s not true for everyone, especially neurodivergent/mentally ill ppl, and ppl with intrusive thoughts (i’m all of those, btw), bc our egos r EXTRA spicy.

awakening to ur true self as the god of ur reality is healing, and healing is HARD. in this case, since whatever we are aware of is true, it doesn’t rly have to be, but when u have inner demons, MY GOODNESS IS THIS SHIT DIFFICULT (but still sooo worth it, i promise u).

so good for u if it’s not difficult. really, i’m happy for u. i just also want to bring to light my situation, which is: hearing ppl say “changing ur self-concept is effortless!!” just made it harder to change mine.

I AM NOT TRYING TO SAY ANYONE IS SAYING THESE THINGS MALICIOUSLY. I’M LITERALLY SO HAPPY AND PROUD OF U OMG. i just think that the non-dualism community should be a little more vulnerable, bc FAILING IS NORMAL WHEN TRYING TO CHANGE UR MINDSET, ESPECIALLY FOR PPL LEARNING HOW TO MANAGE NEURODIVERGENCE, MENTALL ILLNESS, TRAUMA, INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS, DEPRESSION, ANXIETY ETC.

AND THAT IS TOTALLY OKAY!!!

i see ppl say things like “i don’t want any limiting beliefs near this page!!!” when limiting beliefs and learning to overcome them r a normal part of this process and should not be shunned, and should rather be met with compassion and understanding. AND SOME PPL DO MEET IT WITH THAT!!! but there r also many who don’t. i understand not wanting to hear ppl’s limiting beliefs in some situations, but not being open to hearing them at all just creates more stigma around being vulnerable abt faltering in this journey and needing some further encouragement or advice. positivity is only good until it becomes toxic positivity. (AGAIN, NOT POINTING FINGERS AT ANY ONE PERSON. I’M TALKING ABT ALL OF US, INCLUDING ME)

my adhd makes it so hard to stick to a new habit long enough to get used to it. and as a result, i have faltered a bit. okay, maybe a little more than a bit. AND THAT IS OKAY. THAT IS NORMAL. THAT IS SOMETHING WE NEED TO TALK ABT MORE.

maybe these stuggles r an “illusion,” but that doesn’t mean we should pretend like we don’t have them. we don’t always have to put on a happy face and go onto tumblr and vaunt to try and fight the intrusive thoughts. if u know anything abt the psychology of intrusive thoughts, FIGHTING THEM DOES NO GOOD. we should accept them and let them be there, knowing that THEY CAN’T HURT US.

even then, they might stress us out. and that’s when we might need to vent. and venting is NOT a bad thing. sometimes it’s the only way i can cool off. but instead of venting into ppl’s inboxes, we should make our own posts, like this one, in constructive language (i suggest writing the angry/anxious stuff first in ur notes, then, when ur calm, rewriting it in a constructive sense and posting it on tumblr). we need more openness to sharing our struggles. mental health struggles r sooo real (even if our human minds r illusions), and we need to make the non-dualism/loa community a safe place to talk abt those struggles and see if anyone can relate, or maybe used to relate and has adivice.

being gentle and open to this conversation is just as important as affirming that we have what we desire. bc, well, if u have the struggle i have, or something similar, u know how difficult it is. hell, i even thought abt going back to loa and trying to get into the void instead of keeping on my non-dualism path bc i thought it would be easier(???) and now i realize that that doesn’t even make sense bc both of these things require improving ur self-concept, which is what i was trying to avoid.

THAT IS LITERALLY AN EXAMPLE OF THE THING I EXPLAINED AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS POST (which was supposed to be the main topic… i rambled a lot. oops.). i knew that i had to change my self-concept no matter what, yet i thought that getting into the void wouldn’t require that. sometimes the thoughts just don’t add up. and it’s bc of the ego! i actually only became aware of that now actually.

THE EGO JUST WANTS TO CONFUSE U AND TAKE CONTROL OF U. i’m just still letting mine have power over me… but now that i’m aware of it, i can try again, this time with a different perspective.

faltering is normal. not being able to change ur thoughts the first time is normal. having this kind of weird cognitive dissonance is NORMAL. THE IMPORTANT THING IS TO NOT GIVE UP, AND SUPPORT EACH OTHER.

you failed to change ur mindset and ended up spiraling? needing a break from trying to change it? i don’t blame u, this stuff is hard. it’s okay tho! what u need to do now (or when ur ready) is: FORGIVE URSELF AND TRY AGAIN. and don’t be afraid to start the conversation of “can anyone relate to this?” or whatever helps u.

we can do this. we can change our thoughts, even with any obstacles we may face, bc we are stronger than our egos. WE’RE GOD, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!! we can do ANYTHING.

the first step is knowing that faltering is okay. next is realizing that our knowledge of who we are doesn’t always match our thoughts, and that that is the nature of our brains. the next step is forgiving ourselves and moving on.

hopefully this rant wasn’t too jumbled or confusing, i kinda just wrote it here without any planning lolz. i need to figure out a format.

and i hope some of u could relate to my struggle. be as open as u want in the replies. i will not judge. if u need to make ur own little rant, it’s fine by me.

also, sorry for being gone for a while. i don’t use tumblr very much anymore. i’m slowly falling away from all apps except pinterest, amazon and depop 😅 but dw, i won’t let myself fall too far. i luv tumblr and the non-dualism and loa community has changed my life and opened my mind in so many ways. even if i haven’t succeeded at getting all my desires quite yet, it’s okay. i will succeed. maybe not right away, but i will. and so will u. (*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ*.ﾟ

[methed-up-marxist]

I am extremely sympathetic to like, marxism isn't a moral system its a critique of the world that emerges out of the logics of that world itself. and yeah the problem with the bourgouise isn't that they're greedy but also it definitly is a theory of social change I'm sure there was some bullshit he said afterwards i kinda clock out after abt 5 words into a sentence but he definitely said "men make their own history". So the like kinda subjective question of like 'how much can you handle your shit? is all of this just intolerable for u to the point you turn up dead somewhere' becomes politically relevant and like yeah! Questions of self-actualisation, thriving artistic communitys, comradeship as a mutually-cultivating political relationship actually are politically important and they have attendant questions around 'what do we want from life?' 'what does caring for each other look like?' 'is it possible to face daily open assaults and not attack back' become pertinent political questions.

I think of this Fanon passage in relation to what a lot of left-leninists I've always really respected in relation to their statements on the Palestinian resistance and i cant refind the article right now so take it with a grain of salt but one of those genuinely decently internationalist 4th international type guys had an article where they basically suggest like? More patience like thjey have full support for palestinian liberation, they say no nonsense about the sanctity of israeli soldiers lives and they dont foster bullshit hope in the capacity of the israeli working class but there's still a like 'this isnt going to work, therefore its a display of fanatcism not a reasonable response to the situation' But like, how could you not go to the first person who gave you a gun and let you fight against the imperialist war machine that has kept people in a fucking open air concentration camp for years? This just is what people in intolerable situations do - they fight back. And they did spark and international movement! And a global revoloution rly is the only way to make sure apartheid never exists, to make sure the brutality of the prison is gone forever. It's like they've already assumed a kind of narrow-minded nationalism in palestinian freedom fighters instead of one orientated towards a more global transformation.

[aropride]

hi

hello internet strangers want to hear about my personal life as per usual

well as those familiar w my lore know my title ix case (us-specific college thing where, tldr, if u get sexually assaulted u can do a little mini court case thru ur school) is finally fucking over + i won . which is awesome. unfortunately the respondent (title ix word for "person who did the assaulting") got preeeetty much no sanctions at all . like literally nothing changed . the lawyer recommended they be moved to the other dorm hall but they couldnt, so basically they got put on probation and that's it. Lmao. which means my situation is WORSE than before i filed the complaint, bc b4 i filed the complaint they were in the other dorm hall, and then they moved to mine. but i can't do shit about it unless i want to take my school to, like, court.

well anyway the respondent's life changed in no meaningful way Except they moved out of the dorms last month by their own choice. i assumed that meant they were embarassed abt what they did But i guess not. Bc they've been getting really into on campus events and hanging out in the central building that i like to hang out at. and its like. okay. whatever.

but the thing is . theyve been going to a lot of queer-centric events recently . and while im the only person whos filed a complaint or won a case against them. i am not the only victim i know that for a fact and the other victim is also a queer person. So can you see why im worried about someone who managed to sexually assault two queer people within the first week of living on campus like, integrating themself into the community like nothing fucking happened

and theres this school dance coming up in a couple weeks and im worried that will give them an opportunity to like. hurt someone else.

and i want people to KNow what they did because i dont feel safe with them on campus anyway but i especially dont feel safe now theyre talking to people and making friends (especially bc most of their friends r like. friends of friends. like i dont know them but i know of them yk) . i dont know what theyre saying about me (if anything) and i especially dont know if theyve hurt anyone else. and they might have! because they demonstrated a frankly dangerous lack of regard for consent repeatedly Like i think this is a genuinely dangerous person, whether by malice or stupidity or both, and i dont want anyone else to get hurt

BUT THE KICKER IS...! well first of all we're bound by a no-contact order (baby version of a restraining order). you cant be in the same classes and you cant talk to each other (irl, online, or thru a 3rd person) the title ix coordinator has provided jack shit about what a no contact order actually entails btw lol 😒. But if i were to tell someone and they went and told that person, idk if that would be considered 3rd party contact, which would get Me in trouble

i also dont know if it would be considered "breaking confidentiality" if i said their name- again, don't know jack shit, don't have documentation of the actual rules i'm supposed to be following. but i really dont feel like this is a safe situation for this person to be on campus with no one knowing what they did

im also just generally worried about them finding out ive told people and getting mad and going to the coordinator and me getting in trouble when the only reason im even considering this is bc, again, the school didnt do jack shit

and i dont even know How i would tell aynone . like im not rly friends with most of these people . i see them around and some of them i think are cool but theyre not friends or really even aquaintences . so it would be fucking weird .

but i dont know what to do and i dont want anyone else to get hurt . and i know thats not on Me, but. i also dont want to sit back and Know. and not say anytthing

[lesboylycan]

rpp (schizotaxic) was my favorite blogger and i remember back when they were running people repost their posts w/o permission and also spread misinfo or false attributions, even now in the schizoid schizotypal tags u see ppl who uses the "schizotaxic" label constantly attributes it to paul meehl w/o ever mentioning rpp themselves (paul meehl did coined the original word but the updated definition that includes the four specific disorders and the explanations of the mechanisms r from rpp specifically, and its the ones rpp wrote that ppl r spreading on tumblr. paul meehls og definition only defined schizotaxia as the now disproven concept of a "gene" that causes schizophrenia and not all the stuff em wrote for their own model)

i remember when rpp corrected ppl for issues like that 2 prevent the spread of misinfo ppl would reply sarcastically 2 them and there was also problems of harassment and stalking w/ them w/ ppl shaming them 4 being weird and paranoid..... on the weird and paranoid disease blog ofc

2 this day it looks like some ppl who still post w/ the "schizotaxic" label refuse to acknowledge rpp at all and i suspect its either because ppl want 2 look like "real researchers" by attributing a famous psychologist like meehl (while posting content obviously regurgitated from ems writings) or bcuz rpps public breakdowns shoot their reputation in the foot and now nobody wants to be associated w/ the schizo who makes the other schizos look bad

considering rpp became so hard 2 talk 2 was worsened by ppl harassing them and the fact they didnt have any friends makes the way theyre still treated now so ironic and rly left a bad taste in my mouth in the schizoid schizotypal community of tumblr tbh, even when they shortly returned and asked ppl 2 stop reposting their writings so they could update old info nobody ever respected their wishes

anyway i dont mean 2 say this 2 sound traumadumping its just nobody ever talked abt what actually happened online and bcuz em never had any friends nobody ever rly defended them or explained the situation so im just happy 2 see at least 1 person who can actually acknowledge the work they put into the community. we werent close in a personal way and they were always standoffish but i respected their work and they were always attentive to my questions

they were always so nice and compassionate that ik a reason why ppl never realized they were being harassed was bcuz they never wanted to publicize the drama they were receiving and i think only a few people who kept track of their personal blog before their suicide even noticed, w/ the majority of those acquiantances apparently ghosting them shortly b4 bcuz they were rly disorganized and incoherent b4 they nuked everything and was just hard 2 talk 2 consistently

its honestly been a sour point 4 me 4 a few years now that absolutely nobody ever even wants to say their name while regurgitating the things they wrote and pretending they came up w/ it themselves, especially as an old follower of rpp who saw some of these bloggers snarking them to their face back in the day. ik rpp avoiding escalating drama is a reason why alot of ppl especially newcomers who read uncredited rewrites of their posts but never saw the original @schizotaxicblog r unfamiliar w/ what happened 2 them and i respect how they chose 2 avoid picking fights w/ others as much as possible but 2 this day it still upsets me deeply that somebody who helped me 2 the point where i would say they changed my life is left 2 just be remembered as a paranoid depressing weirdo while other ppl take credit for their insights. ik since nobody else will or may even be able 2, i just wanted 2 at least put an explanation of what went down w/ them out there 2 somebody who i think would at lrast care. it means alot 2 me 2 see even 1 person whos able 2 say a single nice thing abt them, so thank u.

Ah, thank you for the explanation! That definitely puts some things into perspective, yeah. It's awful how people treated them.

Their work was extremely influential for us in figuring out what was going on and in finding the words to describe what was happening in our brain; I think if we hadn't found them, we'd still be years behind where we are now. They deserved so much better. We'd go back every now and again to find old things they'd talked about especially while discovering our own shit, and their writings were invaluable, especially as someone who tends to struggle with parsing writing in general, and especially the jargon most commonly used in research. It sucks that they aren't recognized for the good they did and that their contributions are shared, but their name is brushed to the side in the process.

Thank you for sending!

[cursedvibes]

you!!! you get it!! yuki's entire existence feels like such a slap to the face for the spvs. shes the only one that escaped n has a ct but she still ended up fighting n dying for tengens sake, despite building up herself from the ground (i dont think the higher ups wouldve rly empathized with her situation, most definitely made it wayy more difficult to deal with, if geto n gojo had such a hard time she prolly got much worse 💀). i wonder what it wouldve been like to hear all the spv xP but alas we can only hope gege remembers this bit....yeah honestly i wish we got more drama out of their interactions n a bit of yukis own childhood instead of choso crying abt his brothers for the nth time 😭 pls tell me more abt the thoughts u have abt those two its always nice to read see ur thoughts (me who has read every single kenjin fic on your ao3 😁😁😁) the tengen situation rly showed who all read the manga n who all just saw the pictures n came up with their on hc for the situation 💀

Thank you for reading my fics <3 it means a lot to me

Well, we don't know if she's the only SPV with a CT, but I'm sure it's why she was able to escape. Riko doesn't seem to have one and that might be one of the reasons why Tengen saw her as an ideal candidate. We don't know about the other two that got merged, but it would make sense for Tengen to choose the ones that would have less means of defending themselves. The Heian one might've had one because that was probably still more of an experimental phase and she might have had less options, unlike now where there are multiple popping up in one generation and she picks the ones with characteristics she likes most and who probably also have a closer match.

So Tengen most likely knew Yuki's CT, but didn't tell the higher-ups, since Kenjaku got their help, but couldn't find it out. They basically promoted her to special grade based on mission results and I assume a good word from Tengen. That might've also helped her break through the glass ceiling of misogyny. As we see with Maki, it really doesn't matter how skilled you are, you can only advance as far as they let you and if you're a woman or they don't like you for some other reason, you're not getting anywhere. But she had her results to show off and what Tengen says goes, so they couldn't protest. It's impressive that she managed to keep her CT and status as former SPV a secret for so long, although the foreign missions definitely helped there.

I'd also like to have a bit more background on Yuki. Did she have the same religious upbringing as Riko? She was likely groomed into a sacrificial mindset too, so what made her be able to resist that? Did Tengen wait too long and teenage hormones ruined it for her? Just natural instincts? She is very rebellious in general after all. How did her first meeting with Tengen go down? So many questions that will likely never get answered. But that also means there is no limit for how we can imagine it all happening.

It's a real shame that Tengen and her intentions and past never really got questioned by anybody besides Kenjaku. Yuki has her complaints, but she ultimately doesn't do anything about them. Gojo suggested at one point to kill Tengen if she wants to force the merger with Riko, but apparently completely forgot about that once Toji came into the picture. He was so close to the root of the problem, but then didn't act on it. Riko would've died anyway, even if Toji wasn't around, just in a different way. And even if they managed to rescue Riko, it would've been some other kid that got sacrificed in her stead.

Mind you, I don't think Gojo could ultimately do anything against Tengen, certainly not at 16. He wouldn't even be able to touch her and she knows the capabilities of six eyes users better than everyone else. But I feel like an effort should have been made. The issue should be addressed. There could've been a lot of interesting stuff between Tengen and him too. After all, she also created him to make him protect her, so if he went against that, that would be a nice source of conflict. But I don't think he knows about his purpose and will likely never find out about it.

Either way, I would've liked more skepticism of Tengen in general. Kenjaku brings up right to Yuki's face that there is something very important about the Culling Game that Tengen has been keeping from them, but nobody fucking listens to them. It's so frustrating. Megumi also brings up that they should maybe not 100% trust Tengen, but nothing comes off it. The kids get so caught up in their plans and the opponents that keep popping up around them, that they forget who put them in this situation in the first place. That's how Tengen likes things to go I guess. Make people just forget about her and that's how she keeps getting away with it. And she relies a lot on the influence she established early on.

[dateamonster]

what’s your opinion on monstrous transformations (both fast and slow), and also more controversially what do you think about having monsters/nonhuman characters serve as minority allegory (as opposed to society’s hate for them being being an allegory)

ohhh hold on this is a rly good question i think abt a Lot actually.

ok getting the first bit out of the way, love a good monstrous transformation. fast, slow, its all good. i personally like gradual slow shifts the most but its a situational thing. transformation is one of those things that like just always has to be symbolic. even more than the degree to which Everything is symbolic ya know. so like context rly matters when it comes to how to invoke it most effectively.

MOVING ON

i think from the phrasing of the ask ur looking for something more along the lines of like. for example shapeshifters as representation of nonbinary people or aliens as representation of different cultures rather than like monsters vs humans as allegory for racism. but im also not sure you can meaningfully separate the two! the latter i think is more overused so it like registers more as an immediate red flag, but its like. if the aliens from avatar werent being violently invaded by humans it wouldnt make like their reskinned stereotypical indigeneity anymore tolerable i dont think.

which isnt to say i think every story that draws connections between fantastical fictional species and real world people are inherently bad. i dont really think theres any trope that i believe cant be handled well by anyone under any circumstance. the super easy fix to bad rep via monster or fantasy creature characters is basically just have actual humans who also represent those same identities and communities and experiences so that the audience isnt drawn to connect the traits of any one group with your fictional species.

the harder fix is to like seriously analyze why you want this character to be a monster and what that says about them and what that says about you and your own experiences and biases and what you actually want to communicate with the inclusion of this character. and when applicable hire a sensitivity reader. its kinda crazy how many pieces of media seem to prefer half-assing the hard way over just doing the easy thing and not assigning the status of token minority to a literal monster.

of course once again all of this is ya know circumstantial. im speaking to like my own experiences and the things ive observed. and its weird too! bc im also speaking as someone who like is trans and nonbinary and thinks of myself and my gender expression as inherently intertwined with monstrosity. and as someone who is autistic and thinks of myself as a changeling. and as someone who is a fat person who represents themself with a pig themed sona. if i talk abt cringeass hollywood blockbusters engaging in High Fantasy Racism i feel like to be fair i kinda have to talk about independent own-voices creators who write stories and make art about their own identities in the lovely language of monstrosity. theres not rly a way to draw a hard line around the former without the risk of catching some of the latter.

so umm as usual i dont rly have a snappy all encompassing answer for how i feel abt this kind of characterization. im simply too much of a Nuance Enjoyer. i do i guess think this is something that generally turns out better when it is someone making art about their own experiences, but also unless i believe minority artists are a monolith, which i dont, i need to accept that artists will inevitably make stuff that is beautiful and resonant to some people and totally repugnant and offensive to others, and that both of those responses can be like totally justified and correct. thats art babey!

anyway slight digression but i think any case where a character feels more like an allegory than a fully fleshed u know Character is gonna flop for me no matter how relatable it is. tbqh, id rather more ppl try and fail to make beautiful grotesque frightening sensually moving monsters out of their lived experiences and their empathetic connections with others than succeed at creating bland toothless universally approachable Good Rep tm. if u know u know. if u feel me u feel me. that is all.

[mostlymaudlin]

hi hello i MUST know what 'get a fucking life kevin' is about please!!!!

YESSSS ok im so glad you asked. there is nothing written in this doc, just these two images:

BUT i have so much in my head. basically i want to give kevin a girlfriend who has nothing to do with Exy. it's one of the main reasons i have trouble shipping him with anyone in the canon universe -- because what i really want for him is to get a fucking life ! he doesn't know ANYONE who isn't somewhat involved with exy!

so i wanna give him a queer gf :) she does not have a name yet bc i can't commit. but she's like his academic rival in the history dept and she thinks hes the most pompous, arrogant asshole in the world. but they have to do a group project together and it leads to Opportunities. and she is rly fucked up in her own way so its not like she exists solely to be kevin's guardian angel -- but their trauma and issues are complimentary (even if their relationship is kind of explosive bc they've both got tempers). she understands what it means to feel like you don't truly belong anywhere, and she has also had living situations (w her family) where she was certain that people were committed to her but not that they liked her. they both crave affection and also have no idea what to do with it. there's also an arc here about binge drinking and alcoholism and mental illness, which they both struggle with in different ways.

and she is supportive of kevin's goals, but otherwise does not give a fuck abt exy lmfao. thank god. also andrew and neil hate her and she hates them <3 i havent decided how that would be resolved really lol. or if it could be resolved. i love those boys dearly but they are so ridiculously toxic lmfao

ask abt my wips!!

[suntails]

AAA OMG thank you so much for answering my question! ok ok ok so! first up for the fic desires, right out of the gate - I don't like smut (as a sex-repulsed asexual I find reading about it not fun). also I don't like reading whump that much unless it has a good ending. as for not wanted ships, anything is fine unless it's incest or pedophilia. characters/interactions are a bit harder to pin down, but I know I don't want any fics that involve self-inserts, y/n, or ocs as the main focus, I'd much rather be distanced from the story being told than directly involved in it, if that makes sense? I'd like to read something involving Idia or Ortho or any of the Hades dorm (idk its in-universe name) characters - there doesn't seem to be a lot involving them, at least not that I've found yet. stuff involving the octotrio would also be good, love me some angsty merboys. maybe some stuff with Riddle and the other Heartslybule (idk if that's how it's spelled) students too? if you have any fics involving transformation or body-swapping, those are tropes I really like (I'm reasonably sure that at least some of the Diasomnia students have dragon or half-dragon forms but so far I haven't found anything involving them actually transforming?) In addition, what fics involving the Diasomnia students do you think are the best? (since you are the resident expert in that field, 90% is impressive.) thank you again for answering my ask so enthusiastically, I'm sure you'll be a great help. :)

okay cool beans, ty ty!!! hmm i am,,, unfortunately just abt the worst person you could come to for ignihyde or octavinelle stuff, i so rarely click anything from those dorms. regardless, ill give a list of stuff below!! i will add a little description to give u a feel and if it's something u don't vibe with or a ship u don't wanna read, j skip and try something else, hopefully something here will work for u!

And You Think, "No Escape" (ongoing) GEN – i'm a few chapters behind on this one bc life kicked me, but very good gen fic thus far! mainly focused around the previous overblotters in a weird sidequest treasure hunt forced by some bad guys, with trey and cater in the BG tryna help their situation. VERY long chapters and updates very regularly, so would likely provide a good amount of content

Night Raven Kindergarten (ongoing) GEN – cater is the main char, but he and trey are kindergarten teachers for a selection of the cast as kids!! VERY cute and fun, and delves into the kids' lives at home in rly heartfelt ways that hit, the problems feel nuanced and well-written, and the chars all feel so themselves. whitenoface is the author and i like a lot of their work, i'm recing another work from them later on

Briar Scion (ongoing) Idiasil – p long idiasil fic where the story itself is rly what caught my attention, and now im along for the ride. the premise is rly interesting where essentially like,,, nature itself loves silver, and wants to marry him? so nature is encroaching on school turf while interpersonal romance happens around the plot, its a fun concept! yuu is in it in the bg a bit but its not like,, self-insert or OC, so hopefully u won't mind. updates regularly!

when we don't have the words, chocolate can speak volumes (completed) Idiasil – cute, 30k or so idiasil!! largely focuses on the second years as a group working at the mostro lounge, as silver asks for advice from them respectively and idia works up the nerve in the bg to come in to say hi to silver. mostly just a cute silly story, not as intricate a plot but a fun read!

The Queen's Court (completed) Catervil – first of all, azurith is a FANTASTIC writer, and i highly recommend literally anything they've ever written. this rec branches beyond this fic, but this was my start. this covers cater interning for maleficient herself, and then delves into his newfound connection to the draconias while covering fae history and previous war, etc, it's FANTASTIC and this lore is upheld in a lot of their other work. "Enchanted" is another ongoing work by azurith with cater as a diasomnia student, updates regularly and is very good!! azurith is largely a catervil writer but i think their work is far more important than a preference for ship, i'd rec even if u don't care abt catervil

Snow Is Falling (completed) Cater-focused – idk if u can tell but i like cater interacting w diasomnia content, this is where he goes to briar valley for winter break instead of back home! around 15k, just focuses on his interactions with the diasomnia people while staying with lilia and silver, p short and sweet but v nice :D

devoted malediction (orphaned) malledeuce – of all the fics on this list, this is the one ur most likely to skip. i found this on a WHIM while scouring every existing diasomnia ship tag and was so stunned at the audacity of someone to ship malleus and DEUCE, and to write 140k+ words abt it, that i had to read it. i can't explain it with words,,, the writing style reads so differently than anything else i've ever read, it reads as a STYLE rather than simply reading as 'well-written,' it rly kept my attention. essentially, it's a ...human? au? they're coworkers at a game dev studio, they're human but there's still magic, i can't explain it. there's underground plot-shit with the magic factions or whatever that's so interesting, but it IS orphaned so it'll never update again. i'm devastated. i can't sell this fic to anyone bc of the ship and the length but i enjoyed it very deeply and i'll miss it

Fath-- I mean, Lilia (completed) lilia & silver – ALSO by whitenoface, very sweet familial content of them through silver's life. a 10k must-read for a diasomnia fan

Even a Vanrouge Must Rest (completed) lilia & silver – VERY short and VERY sad but i am legally obligated to rec this. i'd be a bad diasomnia fan if i didn't, very heartbreaking and touching story

Crocodile Teeth (completed) Silsebe – sebek overblot story, decent length and p well written, sebek is infuriating which is Correct for sebek and Correct for someone on their way to an overblot. i've read most of magicalfish's work but i can't rec most to u due to nsfw, this is one of the better silsebe fics out there!!!

Just Out of Reach (ongoing) Silsebe – it DOES update, just not on a regular basis. VERY VERY good fic that FEELS slow-burn, it's 50k+ so far and still feels like the build is just starting up well now. essentially, silver and sebek get in a big fight and lilia magically makes them stay side-by-side till they understand each other, so it analyzes how despite their closeness in their upbringings and how they are partners in their roles as malleus's knights, they don't rly get each other yet and need to cultivate their relationship so it doesn't crumble. very nice story thus far and i look forward to updates!!

WHOOOOKAY that's a lot, i actually don't rly use bookmarks bc i'm typically on incognito on my phone, so i may be missing some, but these came to mind based on ur asks!! if u wanted more for ignihyde, octavinelle, or heartslabyul, i'd rec asking someone else bc i'm truly not the best source ^^;

[arolesbianism]

Every now and then I remember that oni in fact will eventually have more lore added and I get so excited and scared for a moment and then I remember that it could take months until we see any of that and I proceed to forget abt it again and the cycle repeats

[mcl38]

I think the disproportion in show of affection from lando and carlos comes from the age difference, lando is young, and soaks up attention so he’s being pass around between djs, streamers and close knit friends and just has so many ppls around that for him it’s (just may be) like whtvr, yeah carlos is my friend like many other friends I have.

Carlos being more mature now and centered, more low key, seems to cherish and take care of the ppl he considers close to him, respect is a really big thing to him and so if he respects you, you automatically have a place in his life and would get out of his way (as much as he can) to help I somehow.

Also in the interview he does say that he saw the mercs getting closer and that if they passed lando who has similar tire wear to him, they would def pass him so he decided to help lando and in doing so help himself. I’m not saying that the one behind him being lando didn’t absolutely contribute but he’s also not that consumed by emotion.

oh yea sorry if it sounded if i implied carlos's emotionality clouds his judgement in the car - hes one of the drivers where ive genuinely never seen that happen (and we've all witnessed it with others). its just that i do actually rly like to hear drivers admitting that the way they think inside the car is slightly different to the macho tough utra-rational mentalities a driver is usually expected to present. carlos saying he does treat lando and fernando slightly more gently, lewis in 2018(?) saying he engages w max more carefully during wheel-to-wheels, lando often explicitly mentioning how scared he is in certain situations or at certain tracks (singapore and monaco specifically), etc. i find it refreshing, relatable, and like also very true in a delightful way

aside from that - i did see that interview, and im aware 99% of carlos's strategy was dictated by the circumstances that happened to b behind him, and i do believe he wouldve done that with whoever else wouldve been in p2 if lando wasnt there. that said, i do ALSO believe he thinks its nicer or more special bc lando was the one in p2. thats what i was trying to say

and yea i deffo think carlos and lando treat friendships differently - maybe its stages in life, or personalities, or a combination of the two. carlos has always been big into respect, & i rly think he respects lando a whole bunch, and thats deffo never left him. meanwhile lando - "he’s being pass around between djs, streamers and close knit friends" is v funny and also quite true. i think after the pandemic left him like, quite lonely, and maybe in a bit of a panic abt how lonely he was, he made an effort to solidify an old and trusted group of friends around him, which he's basically now settled into. and now he's in a phase where he's kind of exploring his boundaries beyond that, going on vacations w martin garrix n his friends or whatever. also like, lando is very gen z in ways carlos clearly isnt, and that means a lot of his socialising is done online (to the point where when he was living w max they sometimes texted more than actually talking to each other). so that inherently means that sometimes the friends who have access to landos time and energy arent those he chooses to prioritise, but like those who happen to be online on discord - whether that be angryginge or filly or matt gallagher or bankai or whoever, ykwim (and max) (usually max lmao). which means carlos will naturally have a disconnect w lando in that area

but yea i get what u mean for sure. its also like, 2019-2020, carlos and lando's interactions were not only v much facilitated by them being teammates, but also in huge part filmed or televised, which means that we had so much more of a grasp on what they were like w each other. now its genuinely just guesswork, ykwim

[jackienautism]

Charlie is so shitty to Erin - his fucking attitude to her in Abysmal - like treating her like she’s his fucking assistant when she’s not and there’s a decision later on where Erin can make a choice that kills him and people are like she is THE WORST and it’s like she’s bad for?? Having feelings about someone whose done shitty things to her and makes a choice that like when you play - it’s like you get why she would think the way she does - it’s like when Ashley snaps and closes the door on Chris kinda deal ya know ? I’m so sorry for ranting I fucking hate him and like people who hate Erin are his number 1 stans

OH SHIT is that so? i had literally no idea 😭😭 i havent seen anyone hate on either so that's very interesting to me.... but then again i havent rly engaged w/ the fandom having not played the game yet. but . yeah. yikes. the most i know about TDIM is that ? there's photography involved? i think? and there's a serial killer trying to kill their little group? but other than that.... i know Nothin

i had no idea that charlie was shitty to erin ): and it SUUUUCKS that of course the same thing happens to her that happened to ashley in terms of snapping... after you know... chris basically attempted to kill her Twice... i dont necessarily think abt those moments w/ ash and chris very much if im being honest but YEAH . i think she has every right to do what she did. plus, to me, its funny as hell. yeah its fucked up, but its hilarious. SO YEAH i had no idea theres a similar situation w/ erin and charlie. if charlie is as shitty to erin as you say he is, then YEAH i dont blame erin for potentially making a choice that gets him killed lmao. esp if he's been nothing but crappy to her. she has every right to be upset and also snap

its funny how i hear NOTHING abt the guys doing shitty things. actually no its not. like. all ive ever seen for this this game is that theyre a little fucked up found family. but is that really true? esp if charlie treats erin like shit? how does erin even view charlie? does she express disdain for him over how he treats her? or is she one of those ppl who like just let ppl walk all over her? bc shes just too Kind to actually stand up for herself and overall just avoids confrontation? IDK MAN!!!!! having thoughts right now

DONT APOLOGIZE!!!!!! i very much appreciate you telling me this, in fact, it gets me to want to play the game even more so i can not wait to see what happens in general

still know nothing abt erin but jamie and i shall be her number one defenders!!!!!!! and mark and kate too if they wanna join (i know nothing abt their dynamics)

[yuukei-yikes]

ok ok first of all Really Really love your harutakas and your shinayas and your kidomomos and since im pretty sure you've been asked abt your hrtk and shinaya headcanons already i just wanna ask you about any kdmm headcanons you may have 🧐

i love kidomomo so fucking much ilove them

i think theyre stuck in a situationship for a long time. bc useless lesbians in silly harmless drama is always funny. thing is momo WANTS to say something but kido gets so flustered everytime she brings it up they fucking disappear. kido hearing momos confession after theyve faded wawawa and momo thinks kido maybe didnt hear and just sighs but KIDO HEARD bro... they heard u....

momo isnt sure if kido likes her back but she still wants to say it bc momo rly isnt the kind to stress abt waaaa but what if they dont like me back. shes like this is what i feel and im gonna tell everyone 💗 which also means everyone in the dan knows not only bc its fucking obvious but like momo told everyone😭 the only one surprised is shintaro. but for like a second bc hes like YOURE GAY??wait i just fucking heard myself of course youre gay

kido is like super fucking embarrassing abt the way they run from momo like kano and seto who know them rly well think they look like a clown bc of how flustered momo makes them but momo always receives it like wow kido is SOOOOO cool all cold and calculating :3 something something kidos self steem issues, cant believe someone would like them, especially someone so bubbly who could probably get anyone they want

if it goes for long enough momo would notice shes being avoided lol and shes like i just dont know what to do yknow and hibiyas like why are u telling Me this.

kano seto and mary. tease kido to hell and back. they are the most insufferable people ever. kano is annoying on purpose but seto and mary are more like omg u gotta be honest💗 omg let urself be happy 💗 kano and kido probably have a nasty fight abt kano telling kido theyre self sabotaging and kido being like looks whos fucking talking LOLLLL also momomary best friends forever bffs necklaces and matching phone backgrounds etc etc mary keeps accidentally creating tension and situations bc she keeps accidentally slipping up telling kido and momo something one said about the other.

its very much...a cute thing like a friend group where 2 friends like each other and everyone knows and is rooting for them but they keep prolonging it and its at most frustrating and at best entertaining. its cute, its rly one of those very normal teenage things they get to do after everything they go through. they end up together tho and in the future are the no kids double income aunts with the best presents etc etc u know how it goes

i think the only ones out of the loop who thought they were already together are haruka and shintaro. yuukei quartet is kinda out of it bc theyre a bit older and kinda didnt care for the little silly drama and have problems of their own LOL but ayano and takane were filled in bc as a big sister!!! ayano has to know whats going on!! (insane abt the idea of her and shintaros siblings dating. probably gives kido a lot of actually useful advice abt being honest and not run away from feelings) (sort of a takane talk 2.0) and takanes like.... gossip central this bitch knows everything about everyone not that they do anything with that info to help anyone.

once dating theyd have a lot of discussions about pda. momo is pda inc and kido wants to die whenever momo even presses their shoulders together in public. they make it work tho also once together the dan nearly throws a fucking party like FINALLY

[nuclearpoweredsniper]

i don’t have a particular opinion about the michael jackson situation because i don’t really know enough about it, but i’m VERY curious; why do you have such strong opinions about it? /gen /lh

OMG... omg youre my best friend now anon. thank you so much for asking and being interested it genuinely makes me rly happy.

i have strong opinions abt it bc those allegations ruined his life and ultimately ended up killing him, and they were ALL completely false. in both the 1993 and the 2003 trials, there was not only zero evidence found whatsoever indicating he did anything untoward, but there was actually evidence indicating that the parents were financially motivated liars and just wanted michael to cut them a check. theres audio from a phone call between evan chandler (father of the alleged 1993 victim, jordan chandler) and jordans step father where he straight up says shit like "if i go thru with this, ill get everything i want, he'll never sell another record". the arvisos (2003 trial) were known scammers, gavin arvisos (alleged victim) mother completely made up the story that he had cancer and was also caught trying to extort other celebrities. this isnt even the half of it.

the child abuse allegations are completely founded on lies, and those lies ended up destroying michael jacksons life. and to me its a disgusting display of just how selfish and greedy humans can be, bc they saw this man who opened his own home to families all over the world, who gave what he had to help others, and they used his trusting nature against him. he was a good man whos only real fault was that he was naive and thought the world had the same good intentions as he did and i think its utterly foul to go around calling him a pedo, when hes not even here to defend himself, bc of the bullshit the media peddaled. i HIGHLY reccomend the documentary square one, last i knew it was free on youtube and it talks all abt this stuff, and was made by michaels nephew taj.

tldr: guilters are my only DNI bc i think you have to be willfully ignorant and even cruel to believe he ever harmed those children after being presented with the facts. in the 14 years ive been a fan, guilters have only ever been bullies who dont actually care abt the safety of children, they just like picking on a dead man and his fans. if they cared, they wouldnt crack the jokes they do at the expense of victims of CSA. ive been harassed by groups of them before, they mocked me for having substance abuse issues and sent me horrible memes making jokes abt him assaulting children. imo theyre not good people and i dont want them near me.

[straycalamities]

24 for kian, ace, and daisy waisy

What is an alternative life path your OC might have gone down? How different would their life be if they’d made those decisions?

AH! the nearly-uncomfortable au strikes again

kian: hrmm...im trying to think...i cant imagine a world where he doesnt eventually leave his dad... like...is it even feasible to live ur whole life in those conditions and not try to get away. theyre just..UNLIVEABLE. if he didnt leave he'd just DIE

tho...even if he just left later that'd make a huge impact on him i think...he'd be soooooooo cold. he wouldn't even have the unserious funny haha nihilism he has now. he'd just be an angry dick that's entirely dead inside. he would survive doing the bare minimum bc he wouldn't think about how life could get better than that. everyone would avoid him besides the naïve "ooo sexy man" initial response but just one interaction would have them being like nah, actually,

ace: oogh, there's so many decisions he made that i could unmake, oogh. delicious.

if he decided to not help his dad financially as a kid. oh thats a big one. oh its so big the more i think abt it. holy shit. that's what formed his entire personality. all his interests and everything. (special mentions for if he decided to not befriend jack or decided not to pursue his dreams so hard)

but i wanna do this one

so. honestly? ace would probably be taken away from his dad if it got worse. even if CPS fucking sucks there's nooo way i think it'd be allowed to go further downhill. (otherwise they'd be literally on the streets and THEN ace would get taken away? either way) and i honestly cant see ace getting adopted, unfortunately.

his dad, even if he didnt spoil him with STUFF, he spoiled his attitude. it's like...probably some way of like making up for not being able to get ace anything is to let him act however he wanted. so it'd take some reeeeeeal patient parent(s) to wanna take ace in because he wouldn't have the mind to hide it at that point. ace would maybe eventually learn to chameleon his behavior? but i think by the time he learned it in the foster system it'd be too late bc..ppl dont tend to adopt teenagers either

god this is making my brain gears TURN that one decision rly is everything

i think that his growing up would be pretty shit. bc now im thinking abt the differences between this and cult au ace AUGH. cult au ace at least had a stable home with a turn-around of income even if it wasnt from him specifically busting his ass to earn the money (well in a way it still is, but, different)

ace, but...jaded O_O he wouldn't evolve that charming personality. i think he'd lean more into the class clown personality. but it's not as endearing bc everyone sees him as a girl. and i know from experience, girl class clowns are just...weird-girls w Issues to everyone. its not endearing like it is w boy class-clowns to other ppl. he'd still have like..pretty strategic ideas for situations and stuff bc that's inherently him. but..i dont think it'd get him as far as it normally would

so he'd be so..lonely lmao. like regular ace also has issues w loneliness but its way more complex. this would just be straight up. fkn lonely. and straightforward misery from it. maybe he'd have some goons or smth at some point? but idk if he could ever truly connect w them unless they were also from the foster system.

cuz see im thinking that normal ace learns everything he does bc he makes the decision that he HAS to. he has to to survive so it all becomes this like...ok i do this or i starve. whereas an ace that's either decided its hopeless, not his responsibility, or just didnt think to do it, wouldnt have that same direct "inspiration" riding his ass. so his social skills would form in a rly weird way based mostly off how much of a brat he is and how much he desires everyone to like him (which is also true of any other ace but this one has a like..feral desperation to it in comparison. like a stray animal more than..someone who grew up too fast and forgot to make real friends along the way <- the usual)

he'd still have these like lofty dreams and i think he'd still want to chase them somehow, but he wouldn't have the connections nor the charm normal ace has. he'd be, at most, some stand-up comedian who performs nights at some local venue and he's just an opener for the main act. maybe he'd sing and put in the work to be good at it, but a big part of this kinda career is the ppl you know so :pensive emoji:

god this ace is the epitome of sopping wet meow meow. what a miserable little man. so richie tozier-coded but more of a failure bc he doesnt have a group of friends to bond w over other-dimensional clown trauma

anyways i think that's enough rambling abt this. i could go a hundred different directions with it from here and i cant choose one. so. there u go. something to chew on. (god he wouldnt care abt sleight-of-hand shit or magicians or card tricks or any of that. WHO WOULD HE BE??????????? maybe he'd hold onto the bar interest in general? like billiards n stuff? oh my god he'd be more likely to be an alcoholic like his father NOOOOOOO)

after that daisy's gonna seem so lack-luster LMAO

daisy: the thing w daisy is i dont rly have a set story in my head for her rly? i kinda just have..scenes and things i like her doing. ive never sat and gave her a like...biography

so idk what decision she'd make that i could undo and have it make an interesting change...if she didnt decide to sing, she'd be an actress. if she didn't decide to kill ppl, she'd just be focusing on her dreams full-time. and so none of that's super interesting to get into uh...

if she didnt decide to push being famous, she'd probably just be happy being some homemaker or smth. someones trophy wife or...a singing waitress or waffle house worker idk.

even with nyanpire daisy its more like...her big decisions is to not...die. uh. (bc shes miserable as a vampire) so if i reverse that then shes just dead LFJKSDJF

so idk 8_8 thank u for including her but IDK WHAT TO SAY!!!!!!!!