#its not me being shitty please reblog it i really want people to see it

[fangirltothefullest]

And if I just keep on reaching Past the haze of their preaching Oh what things I'll be teaching When I've found what I'm seeking

First artwork of 2024!!! 8D WOOHOO!! Logan my beloved, let him touch the stars. I had to make the canvas smaller lol it was enormous but I'm SO proud of this one! Do not repost, or at least give credit if you ignore that, please.

@thatsthat24 ---> IF YOU LIKE IT, PLEASE REBLOG IT, I WORKED SO HARD ON THIS! <----

[red-might-be-dead]

hello hi here to force strange thoughts into your brain once again, this time about jrwi (wow who could’ve guessed)

been thinking about this for a little but it’s basically what i think some campaigns would be if not podcasts, i haven’t listened to some of the older ones so i’m sorry they’re not on here :(( if you have any ideas feel free to add them btw :DD

RIPTIDE!!!!! - really long animated series

not an anime though, no matter how much grizzly wants it, it would be an animation style where the characters could have very clearly different nose, face and body shapes, really pushing my riptide nose agenda here sorry, each episode would be like 20-40 minutes long and instead of coming out in seasons there would be massive gaps in between episodes, from 2-6 months long, to leave time for writers and animators to get stuff done (massive team of animators btw, i feel like it would be pretty successful)

PRIME DEFENDERS!! - comics

literally nothing else they could be, just really well made, well performing comics (i’ve already talked about this before you can stalk my talk tag if you really want to find it lmao), the comic company making them would be keeping well away from movies n shit btw

APOTHEOSIS!!! - i wasn’t really sure about this one to be honest

i had to ask my friend and she said anime which i don’t agree with but i can see it, i think maybe a short book series where each book is 150 - 300 pages and is about a different god they have to kill/a different episode, i think that works but if anyone has any better ideas please tell me :D!!

BLOOD IN THE BAYOU!!! - i hate to say it, i really do…

bitb would be a really long really good 80s horror book with strong homoerotic undertones, a satisfied fanbase and lots of active members in the community making fan comics, films, writing, theories and art ect… until well after the book came out……….. and then it would be made into the most egregious and awful live action movie you have ever seen, the most awful casting (like chris pratt as officer dudes….. throws up) and even worse sfx, oh yeah and the characters would be ruined and the story would become so butchered it wouldn’t make sense, they would do some shit like cut out becky so kian just kisses some random lady (removing both a really good and well written character and a layer of kian’s character that i think is super important) and make rolan really be an evil bug spy the whole time so rand has to kill him to save the town also add in a whole new sub plot that never existed like the rand family is secretly a long line of bug alien hunters or something fucking stupid like that and the entire fanbase would murder whoever thought re-writing the story was a good idea (ahaha can you tell ive been through something like this before ahahaha, character morals and motives being removed and whatnot ahahahhahahaha.)

anyways………

THE SUCKENING!!! - live action series

it would be well made though, unlike the bitb movie it would be its own original thing, have great makeup and effects also be well casted and well shot, well written, ect ect, it would bloody and gory and not suitable for people who can’t handle showing bones and organs all over everywhere, lots of shitty rip off merch would be made though and the fandom would be 99% gay little freaks (normal suckening enjoyers) and 1% homophobic straight white men who get mad whenever they see soda and emizel having gay sex on screen or whatever fag shit that biting thing was

again feel free to add your thoughts and ideas and shit in the reblogs it would be nice to read them :DD!!

[onlyplatonicirl]

ANYWAYS ENOUGH SHITTY DISCOURSE!!!!!!

I'm going to lay out my rules and EVERYTHING YOU CAN EXPECT FROM THIS BLOG. IT WILL BE WORDY BECAUSE I WANT TO BE AS CLEAR AS POSSIBLE AND LEAVE NO ROOM FOR MISINTERPRETATION

I do NOT create content that is NSFW, Problematic, or that has "Extreme" dark themes. You will never see content depicting inc*st/n0n-c*n or even vanilla NSFW or anything like that like that from me, I am not comfortable with it! I would also ask that no body discuss/bring up anything in regards to it either! i.e., please don't bring up dreamm/re, or any other severe darkships. I do not have a "dark/nsfw alt" either on any other website, I am just uncomfortable across the board. Please respect that.

I will NOT reblog problematic content. You just straight up will never see me discuss it anywhere (unless im telling people to stop talking about it LMAO)

I will reblog artwork from other artists!! I do not police or do a deep dive of a person's blog before I reblog their artwork if I enjoy it. It is up to you as a internet user to curate and navigate your experience once you leave my blog. Someone else's blog has nothing to do with me, nor does it mean i am "promoting them" ???? Unless someone is a GENUINE homo/transphobe, racist, groomer, genuine piece of shit with proof, I will block them and delete the reblog. But I will not engage with proship/antiship discourse as it has gone way too far way too quickly.

If I interact with and am friendly with other blogs who create "problematic" (mostly just dreamm/re, because of this fandom that's kinda the biggest problem here lmao) content, then that's all I'm being - friendly. I know this is crazy, but im not "supporting" people. People are not political campaigns. Being friends with people and being friendly with them does not mean I agree with and support every decision they have ever made in their life. I am being kind to them as another human being on this planet. If you don't like them that's fine, but I find it really shitty when people try to get mad at me for things that the guy standing next to me did. Again, once you leave my blog and go to another person's blog, you are on a whole ass other person's blog.

I will not engage in label discourse, I will not engage in toxicity of any kind, and I will not engage in ANY sort of drama. Keep all that shit out of here. My blog is just for me to have fun and be silly on, do not bring weird shit here. Be NORMAL!!!!!!! WHADDA HELL!!!! ITS NOT HARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyways the yapfest is over. Be normal and kind. or else a shadow creature will literally eat your toenails off your toes and you will wake up and they will be FLESH STUMPS.

[iheartallthethings]

Check in with your Jewish friends.

See how they're doing re: the recent antisemitic violence in Amsterdam, which happened on the anniversary of Kristallnacht, and which I consider to be a pogrom.

Also, here's a FAQ about said violence. Please know this is not me flailing at strawmen. I have had to go through every one of these arguments with one of my best friends today, and I am tired.

This wasn't a pogrom. No one died.

Okay. No one died, that is correct. By some definitions this is technically not a pogrom. Could you please not argue about the technicalities of mass violence against my people? Do you think it will make Jewish people feel better if it's just an act of mass violence?

This violence wasn't antisemitic, it was a response to shitty football fans.

BBC reporting disproves this. Per the BBC, the attackers:

demanded to see the passports of the people they were attacking (national origin)

yelled 'Jewish' as they attacked them (religion)

attacked Jewish people who were British rather than Israeli (religion)

attacked those people because they "helped the Jew" (religion)

Not the shitty football fan. Not even the Israeli. The Jew. There could not be a more textbook "they were attacked for being Jewish". Also there is video of someone being attacked yelling 'I'm not Jewish!' which I am not linking here, but you can Google it if you really must.

But Israeli fans chanted racist things and destroyed Palestinian flags.

Yeah. Some of them did, and that is not OK, and people are right to be outraged about what they did. At least one person was right to fear for their life. That said:

the Dutch football club where this all happened, Ajax, is considered Jewish. For years, per the Atlantic, people have chanted absolutely vile antisemitic things at Ajax events, like "Hamas, Hamas, all the Jews to the gas". Has there been an organized group of Jewish people attacking football fans for this antisemitic chanting? No.

The majority of the pre-planning happened after a single violent incident. Calls for violence, complete with a suggested uniform that people are wearing in videos captured during the violence, were sent out before the game. Before most the racism and property damage.

Lastly: normalizing collective violence against the Bad Jews because they Did Wrong Things makes all of us less safe. It is the basis of antisemitism. It's not as far a step from 'those Jews are bad' to 'all Jews are bad' as you think. Please, PLEASE don't do this if you care the slightest bit about any Jewish person anywhere.

I promise you I really have actually had to address this last one.

This is nothing like Kristallnacht. Kristallnacht was totally unprovoked.

...

...

...

People always find a pretext for why the Jews are to blame. Always. ALWAYS. Kristallnacht is no exception. A 17-year-old Jewish boy killed a Nazi official, and the Nazis used that as a pretext for Kristallnacht. They were like, gawrsh, we didn't plan this (they did), it arose spontaneously because the Jews murdered that official.

As for why people are bringing up Kristallnacht (which I had not in this instance, but I have seen people do): this violence occurred literally on its anniversary. Please be kind to people who are mentally making comparisons.

Please also consider why people want you to give a shit about this before you jump in and argue, or before you decide this isn't as important as Gaza and choose not to reblog. Please consider we have millennia of experience of people doing violence against us that frequently starts just like this, with something plausibly justifiable to test the waters, while people either stand by and do nothing or agree that it's justified. Please consider we are scared. Please be kind.

[samantha-and-her-chaotic-desires]

The hazbin hatedom is getting out of hand for me it's really cringe. Your thoughts

I have mixed opinions on this. So beforehand, I am going to say that this is a longer post from me, and I appreciate the anonymous message! <3 I will be talking about this specific question, as well as my interpretation, thoughts, and overall feelings on this matter. Please feel free to reblog, like, and comment your opinions and keep it civil. I want to have a friendly discussion, no matter how brash I seem: this is brutal honesty coming from my heart.

For those who have ZERO clue: Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss are dark "comedy" shows for an adult audience, created by Vivienne "Vivziepop" Medrano, originally airing on YouTube. Helluva Boss is currently in its second season, while we have yet to find out anything else on Hazbin Hotel, as it is now a part of A24 and BentoBox. They center on the same setting, Hell, but have two different plot lines.

Hazbin Hotel is redemption focused, led by Princess Charlie Morningstar, the daughter of Lucifer. She wants to help the sinners in Hell become good and go up to heaven to avoid the yearly Exterminartion, aka a Purge. Helluva Boss, however, is about a murdering business called I.M.P., with Blitz, Millie, Moxxie, and Loona, going up to Earth with a grimoire that is provided by Stolas of the Ars Goetia, a prince. So here we go, into the Depths and reasoning of this post: the Hatedom. So lo and behold, my answer below.

On one hand, yes. The Hazbin Hatedom is a bit over the top. Yes, people are assholes. However, the Vivziepop stans who don't want to admit their precious senpai Vivziepop has done some pretty fucked up shit in the past. The hate can be unnecessary, but you know what else can be unnecessary? The toxic stans. I follow #vivziepop for certain analysis portrayals and criticism, or just general news. Sometimes people are tiresome. This is no exception.

I am falling out of the fandom because it can be toxic. I enjoy most of the characters, but other than that? Helluva Boss's current writing is NOT good. At all. The latest episode irked me to no end. I'm unimpressed with Seeing Stars. I am not very happy that they are forcing Stolitz down our throats as an "uwu pwease wove us" type of bullshit ship. I would much rather prefer Blitz and Stolas to be friends. I wished Stolas had his pilot personality and not the "uwu im a gay, tragic prince with a shitty wife, feel bad for me" bird we know in the series.

Moxxie in the latest episode is bitchy. He got on my nerves and was pissed at Millie being happy. This girl deserves more screentime (and I'm glad she got some of it) but seriously...Millie is always there for Moxxie, and Moxxie needs to reciprocate.

They made Stella seem stupid, when in reality, and if written properly, she can be a cunning and calculating villain with her brother. We've yet to see how Octavia and Stella interact, but I'm unsure.

I have definitely tried to keep my mouth shut as much as I could on this matter, because when I finally openly admit how I feel, it's not a pretty thing, especially with something that I'm so passionate about. Animation takes time, writing takes time, scripting, acting, everything takes so much time, and this is wasted potential. We can have so much better than just a fan-ficcy type rom-com, dark humor, sexual humor schtick. It's getting annoying, and I fear the worst when it comes to Hazbin Hotel.

Criticism is welcome here! Let me know what I left out. I'm willing to hear other opinions, so long as they're nice. If anons start flooding my inbox and getting mad, anons are off. Anon is a privilege, not a right.

[iamstuckinthevoid]

Intro!!!!

btw if ur my moot u can tag me in anything (ik some people get nervous abt that)

Pronouns: she/her

Sideblogs:

@iamstuckinthevoidreblogging3

@yassified-slenderman

@in-stars-time-and-zombies-au

(If its not on here, its not mine!!!!)

Warnings:

I'll probably post about s/h, it's all tagged but just a foreword to blacklist that shit (eg: tw sh, cw sh, tw sh mention, cw sh mention, etc.) Also don't worry abt me I've been clean for a while (and do not want to kill myself this is mostly just jokes abt it)

Fandoms I might talk about (or if you want to talk about them just dm): Moral Orel, DHMIS, DDLC, FNAF, The Stanley Parable, BATIM/BATDR, Helluva Boss/Hazbin Hotel (only critically though, fuck vivziepop), Heathers, The Good Place, JTHM, Squee, Invader Zim, Red Dwarf (please talk to me about this one), Doctor Who, I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream, Cult of the Lamb, Mindless Self Indulgence, NIИ, American Psycho.

DNI:

I don't care what you do tbh I'll just block you if I don't want you on here (EXEPT ADULTXMINOR OR INSCEST SHIPPERS) (oh and Mercedes owners, you know what you did)

Age: I'm not comfortable saying exactly, but I am a minor

Shit I post: art, ocs and writing stuff. I mostly just reblog shit I can actually contribute to tho.

Uquizzes:

(Silly friend group stuff)

(Totally not a cult)

(Smorky)

(Quiz from that time i went to an open mic lol)

(I regret making this I WAS A KID WHEN I WAS CRUSHING ON THEM OK??)

Tags:

#this is literally amazing- stuff I really like.

#this is literally so funny- stuff I find funny.

#keys speaks- original posts, most of my older ones don't havi this one so whoops.

#keys speaks of irl- irl posts, ditto for the above.

#GOD BLESS KING AND COUNTRY- complaining about where I live/UK stuff.

#Keys&Toddney- some ocs

#smorkposting- click on that tag here and see him yourself.

#keys if they were written by vivziepop- for like EXCESSIVE swearing (I actually don't care about censorship it's just a funny joke)

#art- self explanatory.

#ocs- ditto.

#asks from the void- asks

#complaints department- being a pissy lil bitch

#useful- stuff that is informative

#useful for later- same thing

#Keys speaks of The Void- in character stuff for Keys (my sona), feel free to give them an ask!

#shadow guys- my shadow dudes

#ghost oc- that guy

#manniquinn guy- minnie the tiny ass bitch

#ian core- shitty haircut man

#cherri- robot girl

[orionsangel86]

See fans are obviously not at fault but i understand why Neil would want that to not be a surprise too...that would have been more rewarding/surprising etc if it happened via a build up when you didn't know what to expect (for many , including me) and obviously he wanted the experience to be that way. He is expressing his opinion and letting people know that he doesn't want it to be shared , now ofcourse it is people's choice whether to respect his wishes or not but by communicating his wishes he is doing nothing wrong imo.

Yeah I mean of course I agree with this. Of course Neil has a right to be upset and to request people don't share it spread it and look for it because of course he wants us to experience it the way he intended.

I totally get that!

But shit happens. Don't blame the fans for something that Amazon fucked up, and don't police the people who choose to spoil themselves and then wanna talk and speculate and what not. I still think that the initial post he reblogged was shitty. I also think people are getting waaaaay too worked up about it and acting like this 1 blurry screenshot from a 2 second clip has ruined their entire experience of watching the show when in reality thats very unlikely.

People can respect Neil's wishes, or they can make an informed decision and spoil themselves if they want to, and I personally dont think those people are being disrespectful for doing so. The issue is when people share spoilers without tagging or warning so that others get spoiled without their consent. THAT is the real shitty thing here.

I do think this Marvel mentality of ALL SPOILERS BAD HORRIBLE WRONG EVIL! Is a bit daft too. I have a lot of anxiety and trauma post SPN finale (yes a TV show gave me actual PTSD go figure) so I tend to always spoil myself now as much as possible before going into watching something, especially if I'm watching something queer (example: I won't watch queer tragedy like at ALL) because it removes my anxiety over watching something that may upset me. So my view on spoilers is almost always YES PLEASE. I know a lot of people have a wildly different view from me so I always tag everything I talk about. But the absolutely hatred of all spoilers no matter how small is something I find pretty odd in general. I think its a very modern mentality in the film industry mostly encouraged by studios like Disney.

Also, sorry to say this as a fan of his, but some people on this site have REALLY got to crawl out of Neil Gaimans ass and breathe some fresh air.

Sorry not sorry. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[electricea]

@investigationshoujo sent - 20! let the salt flow through you however you like~ ( Salty Munday Asks - Accepting! )

20. If you’re feeling salty right now, this ask gives you a free reign to pour out your frustration.

To be completely honest, I never really feel salty when I reblog this meme, I just admire how insightful the questions are and I feel it's a good way to simply be honest about shitty experiences and set boundaries.

Maybe on a bit more of a sad note but Tumblr definitely feels a lot smaller than it ever did before and I don't know if that's just me - maybe if I was in a bigger, bustling community like Hazbin I might feel differently, but I don't know, it's just sad to see the RPC here shrinking bit by bit and even though I do love to clown on all of the updates and changes Tumblr makes, I think now more than ever, I feel afraid of this website potentially closing its doors or going down for good - and when that happens, I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't want to lose contact with so many great folks.

I definitely hope that this is just me being a 'doomer' right now and please don't take this to mean that I genuinely think Tumblr is going under any day now - I don't know anything about the inner workings of Tumblr or how long this website will be around for and I'm not looking to scare people or kick up a panic or sound like I have some kind of insider knowledge.

If anything, feeling like this just makes me want to make each day count even more and it makes me appreciate Tumblr all the more. I know from my posts I can have a love-hate relationship with Tumblr, but the vast majority of it is an overwhelming love and appreciation for giving me a community and a home and so many cool folks to write with.

[surplus-of-sarcasm]

ive tried to write women so many times but have failed to the point theres barely any female characters in my stories. and im very aware this is a flaw in my writing because i dont hang around women often and the only long term contact with a female i have is with my family members i dont know how to write female characters on a personal level because i can never relate to them. this sucks ass but correct me if im wrong i think its better to not write female characters at all than write a shitty possibly offensive one even if i dont realize it

Hi.

Okay, here's my take on what you're saying. I know for a fact that the most difficult things to write are things/situations/environments we know so little about. And it's even harder to get it right when it's a more sensitive thing, if yk what I mean. A huge perspective shift like this is definitely a challenge because men and women are quite different.

Here's the thing. I'm not trying to pressure you into writing them, but I'm telling you that even if you have problems with them now, doesn't mean you have to give up on writing them completely. If not writing them at all is your final decision, then that's still okay, still your call in the end, but if you do want to write them, it's very possible.

I know I write both male and female characters, but the first time I ever officially wrote smth that wasn't for school, it was with a female protag because ultimately, I see the world from the eyes of a woman. When I decided to write a male character for a more serious project, I realised I needed to research it. And lemme tell you that again, not every piece of advice in a writing help article is always applicable. It's largely based on the author's own personal experiences. They're more like tips than rules you must adhere to.

Please note that I've spent considerable time around men I'm close to in my family, I had male classmates and currently have a friend who's a guy, so that definitely helps. And it's completely understandable that you haven't spent enough time around women to grasp more about them Ig. My male characters are not exactly copy-paste of these men/boys either, but some of their traits and mannerisms may be connected.

And you not relating to them is completely okay. I'm not very likely to relate to parts of my male character's life that come with him being a man, but what I can relate to is what makes him human. There is definitely an overlap in several traits between men and women. For example, the way I would feel angry abt smth would be different from how a guy Ik would feel angry about the same thing. The key is simply to avoid bad cliches.

Again, I'm not trying to get you to write them if you really don't want to. Forcing yourself to write smth you don't want to definitely won't help, and won't create good pieces of writing. But just in case you wish to in the future, you can practice and research and test it out, and fun fact, part of it involves a little bit of winging it. I've done this for like genres/ideas I haven't tried before, and surprisingly it actually works. But, tbf, it's a lot more difficult when the issue at hand is the opposite gender.

And answering your last question, while it doesn't mean you must give up completely and you will never be able to do it, I can agree that no representation is better than a poorly represented character. Though, there is a chance you might be too harsh on yourself, since Idk exactly what any female characters you've written are like.

And about my reblog on that post abt writing women, Ig it was more aimed at people who've never tried or misrepresent women by applying a crap ton of harmful stereotypes to them. You seem to have made a genuine effort, so that's a pretty good thing.

Sorry for the long post, and thank you for the ask.

[shdwtouch]

blog updates. (long post ahead orz)

oki ! I'm back from my hiatus, had some time to think about things and reassess my current feelings / standing. currently my anxiety levels are pretty low, but I'm going to be talking to my therapist tomorrow about it + asking my doctor if I could go back on an as-needed anxiety medication since its been so bad lately.

right now the biggest anxiety spike I have is over writing this post heheh but I'm feeling okay, doing my best to keep thinking positive thoughts.

I'm definitely not leaving, but I am gonna try to enact some changes going forward. and, well, fight the urge to remake cuz I know its just my flight instinct. I tend to hide from things that stress me out and make me feel bad, and I know that is a shitty coping mechanism. I know I need to do better for myself if I'm going to survive and grow and become a better person who can manage things and be dependable.

anyway, sorry for the word vomit. time for the planned updates.

first, I will be going partially queue based. I've been managing to keep my queue stocked, I hope I'll be able to continue to do so. answered drafts will potentially be put into my queue, depending; I may still post them as I do them. asks will be posted as normal. I will still be posting as normal & occasionally reblogging content as well. in general, I just want to vary what I'm putting into my queue.

next, with the above in mind, if me posting ooc as primary activity is going to be a problem, please unfollow / block me. this has been an issue for some in the past, and while I don't begrudge people their preferences I have always run my blogs in this way. I post a lot of ooc, whether its personal stuff, me discussing meta, or whatever else. if that is a problem then you are encouraged to leave.

I refuse to guilt myself for not being active ic, and I would hope as my roleplay partners & friends folks would respect how I run my blog and value me as a friend & person over what I can provide in terms of ic engagement and content. I feel like a broken record at this point, but I am slow and post a lot of ooc. this isn't new ! I have this stated in multiple places, it should not be a surprise to anyone !

next, another recurring mention is that I am forgetful as fuck. going forward I will be blocking blogs that I have followed and did not follow me back. why ? because every day I see blogs on my dash, look at them, and wonder... have I followed this blog before, or have I just seen them on my dash a lot ? its nothing personal, but I just. don't want to deal with the anxiety of "have I followed this person before, didn't get followed back, unfollowed them cuz they are mutual exclusive, and if I follow them again now are they gonna think I'm being pushy ?"

in this age of mutual exclusivity it just. isn't worth the stress to me. part of why I hate being mutual exclusive, tbh. frankly, I would think it A+ if folks just. blocked me if they didn't want to interact with me / if they are mutual exclusive and don't intend to follow back. I'm learning to cope with it, truly. like. I know I shouldn't assume people block me for a bad reason or cuz I made a bad impression; I frequently state that people should block to curate their space, not just cuz folks are toxic or whatever. I even assure that I block for primarily benign reasons, like this, so why should I jump to conclusions about why people block me ? why should I care ?

next up, speaking of blocking. I recently had a series of experiences that just. left me feeling really shitty. in general, I do my best to be a good, empathetic person. I value transparency and open communication, and if there is a problem I want to resolve it with the best interest of everyone involved. I do my best, truly. but. these experiences have made me realize that I... waste a lot of energy being the best person I can, worrying and working towards conflict resolution while the other party just. does not care, or doesn't respect / value me enough to try for a solution.

for the sake of my mental health and self-esteem... going forward, if I feel like I am being disrespected, or the vibes or off, or I just. don't see anything coming of my attempts... I am not going to keep expending my time or energy. as much as it literally fucking pains me (I mean seriously, I don't want to do this, because I want to give the benefit of the doubt and be a good person, I want to fix problems, not let them lie. I don't want to turn my back on being open for communication and resolution.), I've made the decision to begin (attempting, at least) to block folks who I feel have crossed my boundaries, disrespected me, treated me or others poorly, or have failed to behave in a civil, adult, and mature fashion.

okay, now just a couple brief points:

I'm working on making muse specific ask memes / interaction prompts. I proposed this idea a longass time ago but never did anything with it, but I hope it will help facilitate interactions, provide some inspiration for folks at the very least a starting point. they'll be generic but specific to my muses, and always available.

I will be posting an interest track / permission post, which will be required to interact going forward. kinda like a mains call, but it'll basically just be a like if you're okay with [insert info on how I run my blog] + are okay with my contacting you ooc, sending asks, etc + commenting with whether you're interested in shade or kaey or both. I'll link it in my rules and it'll, hopefully, provide me with the solid verification my silly little anxious brain needs to not feel like a bother.

I will be conducting another inbox + draft clear out; anything deleted from my drafts will be listed in a post with a ping so my partners are aware !

I will be dropping all current inbox, plotting, and shipping calls because, well, I lose track of them so easily... and then I get nervous that its been too long, so yeah. I have a to-do list now tho ! and I hope that will help me keep track of things, DMs specifically, cuz I... know I suck at keeping up with those, especially in regards to plotting and discussions. my sincerest apologies to everyone, I assure you it is not personal and literally just me being forgetful and nervous heheh

all calls will be limited to 2-4 going forward, so I don''t overwhelm myself. some will be first come first serve, others will be at my discretion.

I will be updating / expanding both kaeys lore and shades modern universes, with the intention of eventually moving shade towards becoming fandomless. I love her content for bg3 but as a whole I just. don't feel very good in the bg3 rpc ?? I feel like an outsider and the vibe just. isn't vibing for me like it once did. again, this is something I am working towards, not something that will be changing right away. and when/if it does happen, she will keep her bg3 universes. as far as kaey goes, I'm gong to try to integrate his different universes a big more. uwu; again. maybe this time I will get the puzzle pieces to fit, but we'll see.

working on a new blog for lore development / rp projects. you can preview the proof of concept at puffiary, if you're interested. I'll also be working more on my multi ! myk will potentially be moving to my mutli, or the new project blog, but I'm not certain yet. dunerook will be keeping her own blog, for now.

anyway. those are my thoughts and feelings regarding stuff. sorry for the long ass post, I didn't intend for it to be like this but ya'll also know me. I can't keep things short and simple to save my life lmao

I will be updating my rules with some of this, but in general the vibe ya'll should get from this post is that I am taking steps forward, but I'm going slow. I have plans and intentions to improve stuff. good things are coming, I'm manifesting it now. but. I also just. want to feel safe and comfy again. that is my first priority.

anyway. thanks for reading this whole thing. sending love !!

[xadoheandterra]

I am getting asks to spread gofundme campaigns and the like and I feel I need to make a blanket statement here.

I do not typically reblog or post gofundme or fundraiser campaigns anymore. The reasoning being that I do not have the time or energy to spend to verify legitimacy of these various campaigns that cross my dash or my askbox. It is NOT because I do not support these people.

There is a lot going on in the world and things are very much more nuanced beyond what the laymen outside of a situation can possibly understand. Financially it is hard right now for plenty of people for rent, food, etc, especially when disabled. It is a struggle for those in war zones and under seige.

I understand because I make so little I CANNOT AFFORD to live in an apartment in my own state. I understand because my family fled Ukraine back in the 1920's when Russia was doing its bullshit before. I understand because I've been there in not being able to afford my dogs emergency surgery after she was hit by a car.

I cannot and do not have the mental capacity to sit here and research each request or plea that I see. I do not have the financial ability to even SUPPORT people when I want to! AND while I could put the onus of verification on my followers for these campaigns, I have little overall desire to do that as well. This blog is a personal and artistic one. I share my fanart, fanfic, and love of games on here. I rant about my life nonsense without naming names. I share my original stories, and sometimes original art.

This blog is my escape from a shitty day, my ranting space when I need it, my shouting to the void that sometimes shouts back. I can be vulnerable on here that I cannot be elsewhere because the majority of you do not actually know me, and the few that do I've let be that close. I can be anonymous. I can be invisible if I please, and seen if I wish.

I am not reblogging or sharing asks or submissions that are asking for financial aid, period. Not even my own. The last time I tried that I got fuck all when I really needed it. I'm jaded, I'm bitter, I'm tired. Please stop begging me to share your campaigns.

I feel for you. I do. I wish you the best and to obtain your help. I do not reblog, post asks, or share fundraising campaigns unless I have the energy to try and verify them. I do not have the energy for this right now.

[thisplacecanburn]

Im really sorry for a long message but we haven't been friends for years and I dont know how else to reach out. I just want you to know I am sorry for how things turned out between us. I never meant to hurt you or any of our mutual friends (I guess for me, ex friend). I know you're probably going to send this to some group chat and you'll all laugh about how lame I am for trying to reach out. The truth is I went through a lot in life very suddenly (and ik everyone does, its not an excuse) and I'm sorry you all had to see the ugliest parts of it. you guys are my roman empire and im sorry life made it hard for me to be the friend you needed. I honestly needed intense support in that time and its okay if you couldnt be that. Im not sure if you care but I genuinely had to go through everything I went through completely alone. You guys were my closest friends and my main support system at the time. I'm sorry if my behavior at the time harmed you in any way shape or form. I know I may not have been a good friend while I was going through things in life, but I never really mentally recovered from being ghosted and excluded by you two. I don't mean to be bitter but I've been afraid to make new friends for years because of the way you guys treated me. I see you reblog posts about feeling lonely and disconnected from others at times and I wonder if you ever realize how much of an impact you've had on other people's lives. I wish there was an easy way for you guys to tell me you were starting to secretly hate me but we were young. I wish we trusted each other enough to actually talk about it. I guess if you hate having me around it's not worth fixing. I just want you to know Im sorry and i know I made mistakes being your friend. Its been 7 years since we stopped being close, 7 years is how long we were friends before that. The anniversary effect is real and I think I've moved on but then I still find myself wondering about how you're doing. I hope you stay friends with the people you actually love and I hope they love you back. I hope you find people who will give you more chances than you gave me. I was hoping to be one of those people cheering you on but you don't want me to be there. And I think Ive finally accepted that. Im not sure if you care, but in case you do: I'm doing okay now so no need to worry about me. Again I am so sorry this got so long and is probably intense and scary to receive with no warning. I have needed to say this to you and I know it's a lot. It seems counterproductive to be this detailed on anon but it feels embarrassing to reach out any other way. You can block me on IG if it bothers you that I'm following you on there. There's no need to respond or reach out if you don't want to. I just don't know if I'll ever get the chance to tell you this. I'll probably never see or hear from you again. And I'm tired of being hurt by that fact. They always said if you love something, let it go. I loved our friendship so much. You were the coolest girl in school. You taught me a lot about life at such a young age. I'm so sad we don't share our lives with each other anymore, but thank you for the time that you did. Thank you for the times you tried to help me. You were someone I really genuinely cared about. I'm sorry if I didn't show it enough. I always admired how brave, sensitive, and intelligent you are. We were girls together. Now you are a beautiful woman and you are going to shine in life.

Thank you for reaching out please message me. I was a mean girl and a bitch to people that needed me for a long time, no one deserved how I treated them I have no excuses. I am full of regret and I miss girlhood and friendships I’ve lost due to nothing more then my own insecurities. The really shitty part is realizing I could have done this to more then one person and can’t even reach out myself. Thank you for being brave and kind and telling me it means a lot to be even thought of.

Please be kind to yourself I am glad you’re okay I hope you find nothing but joy and peace, I understand. Growing up is just so fucking hard

[crackrodent]

Dear Anon, the person you are sending these death threats to is the reason I smile when I see the color pink. Pink is the color of her words when she spreads love. Pink is the color my face turns when she takes my crazy ideas with value. Pink is the color I hated for years until I met her.

Dear Anon, the writer you are sending this to is the first person who I ever felt actually comfortable asking for constructive criticism from. She was the only person I knew could be clear, fair, and kind. She's the only person I ever felt wanted to see me improve enough to actually lend a hand.

Dear Anon, this is the mutual I get most excited to see reblogged my work. I just know that she can take a story I felt I failed to do the concept justice for and turn around and tell me each of her favorite parts. She's the reason I want to keep trying out new ideas—ideas that may be too odd for some of the fandom.

Dear Anon, this is the person who saw one picture of me and immediately started calling my greatest insecurity "cute". She's the reason I hate one less thing looking in the mirror.

Dear Anon, I am a very annoying person. I have been called it frequently in my life. To the point, I am often convinced all my friends secretly hate me but this person, right here, the person you have told "if u died the world would be a better place loloololol", is one of the few people who has made it a point to show me that she actually does like being friends with me. And I don't even think she noticed.

I am not sure if you ever read the story about the little kid chucking starfish off the sand back into the water, but I am going to link it here. Red has tossed a lot of us starfish back into the water. I hope someday to be able to help as many people as she can.

Dear Anon, I love getting to be friends with Red. Beyond her writing on Tumblr, beyond the amazing work she does on the VoxTek Discord, beyond simply floating in fandom space together, her smallest words bring so much light to my life.

Dear Anon, I hope you learn someday not to be a fucking cunt. That way we can all just enjoy the fandom together. Only a coward hides behind online anonymity.

Dear Anon, before you criticize a writer's work you should at least learn how to spell. Really? ur, u, cuz, urself. This isn't old-school Twitter where there's a character limit. I doubt you are typing on a 2008 Nokia. You can spell your words correctly.

Dear anyone else receiving hate from shitty anons, you deserve better. No one deserves this kind of hate. This is shitty people needing to drag everyone down with them. People who need to go anon to "defend their beliefs" or "make a stand" already know they are being assholes for no reason. They anon so they don't get hate back.

Dear people who are friends with people who send shitty messages online anonymously, tell your friends to stop. Tell them about the harm they are doing to people for no reason other than their own inability to learn how to block content they don't want to see. Tell them that this type of shit isn't funny or helpful to any form of protest they are attempting to have.

Dear people who think "Who cares, it's just stupid comments", you're right. The comments are stupid. But its the axe's job to stop chopping not the trees' fault for getting fucking struck.

Dear Red, I love you. Please never stop being you.

PSA: Hate Message/Bullying

This will be my last message regarding the negative messages I’ve been receiving. To the person or group responsible, you’ve crossed a line. While this message is directed at you, it's also meant for others in the Hazbin Hotel community who may be experiencing similar negativity and feel isolated.

Please remember, you are not alone.

CW/TW: inflammatory language, suicide, death threat, provocative language

Annonie, when I woke up this morning to over 20+ messages, I felt confused. As I started reading through all the hate, I found myself wondering, "What did I do to trigger this?" But then I stopped and realized—it’s not me. It’s YOU.

For a moment, I thought about quitting. I honestly considered giving up writing here because it didn’t feel worth the constant barrage of negativity, especially when I’m already juggling so much stress in my real life. But there's something stubborn in me—a part that refuses to back down, even when faced with such blatant, childish hate. Maybe it's my age, or just my nature, but I found myself trying to understand you.

I want to tell you to stop before it goes too far.

Words have power. Have you ever been taught that?

I don’t know if you write stories yourself, but if you do, you know how words can evoke so many emotions—joy, comfort, sorrow—giving someone an escape or a friend in the pages. But words can also destroy. They can crush dreams, steal hope, and even push someone to the edge.

I lost a friend to online bullying. One of my closest people was taken away because of hate-filled words from a stranger. Do you understand the weight of that? They were a lover, a friend, a family member, and in a single moment of hatred, that person lost their future. Someone’s thoughtless words robbed them of happiness, of possibility.

You see, while I can take your hate, I worry about the others in this community who might not. I’m more concerned about the impact you might be having on someone else who’s already struggling.

It only takes one bad day to ruin someone’s life. And isn’t that just heartbreaking?

I’m not asking you to be a hero or a saint.

I’m asking you to be a human being—to show some compassion.

[shingia]

can i req suna,, akaashi and iwa (and anyone else u want!!) getting jelly abt the s/o hanging out with another guy and being touchy (like the playful smacking or smth) without knowing the guy was their brother? angst to fluff bc i want the ✨ pain ✨ if u dont wanna its fine too,,

thanks bby,, love ur works so much! stay safe and healthy 😫💗

✗ HQ BOYS GETTING JEALOUS OF A GUY WITHOUT KNOWING HE’S YOUR BROTHER ✗

me receiving a request : 🥰 the request including suna :🤩 tysmm bby stay safe and healthy tooo <3

-> suna, iwaizumi, akaashi

-> angst to fluff

-> reblogs help a lot <33

— SUNA

• he hadn’t asked many questions when you told him you couldn’t come over to his house in the afternoon. but now, as he was replaying your snapchat story for the sixth time, he really wished he did

• maybe if he had insisted on coming with you, you wouldn’t have let this guy - that he had never seen, for the record - act so touchy with you

• was it his fault for not making you feel special enough ? to the point that you preferred the company of other men rather than your own boyfriend’s ?

• just the thought of this was enough to make a few of his usually well-hidden insecurities bubble up - most of them due to what his friends always joked about « suna doesn’t care enough to be in a relationship, they’ll all run away after a week ! »

• so yes, suna was hurt, but you didn’t have to see that. your opinion on him was the only one he cared about, he didn’t want to tarnish it. well... your opinion and his little sister’s, who burst into his room as he was about to watch your story for the seventh time to tell him that « someone’s at the door ! »

• not feeling like getting out of bed, it took him a few minutes to drag his feet to the door before finally opening it. and of all the people he could have expected to see, you were the last of them

• « surprise ? » you smiled as you let yourself in, not noticing the surprised look on his face as you greeted him with a tight hug. « i felt bad for cancelling our afternoon together, so i asked my brother to drop me off »

• you weren’t even done talking that suna had already recognized the man in the car that was leaving his driveway. his embrace immediately softened, and a smile crept on his face as he felt all his doubts vanish in a second

• « nuh-uh, don’t take your jacket off beautiful, i’m taking you out », he told you, determined to spoil you in the way he regretted not doing sooner

• at his words, his sister almost magically appeared next to you, coat in hand and ready to go. « you weren’t planning on leaving without me, right ? » she flashed you a toothless grin, grabbing both your hand and his to drag you two outside

• suna shared a deadpanned look with you, « of course not... » you both said in unison as she was already leading the way to her favorite ice cream shop

— IWAIZUMI

• iwa’s trust in you was infinite. but something about the way this guy had his arm playfully wrapped around your shoulders didn’t sit right with him

• his practice had ran late and he was exhausted. but he had promised you he would pop over to the birthday party of your childhood best friend, knowing how much it mattered to you

• but your behavior looked an awful lot like an attempt at making him jealous... and it was working

• was it your way of letting him know that you two weren’t working anymore ? were you just too much of a coward to be clear about it ? he hated to think about you that way. and most of all, he cared about you too much to not step in

• « ok now you got my attention » he told you after pulling you to the side. « if you want to tell me something, go ahead, i’m listening »

• still trapped in the euphoria of the moment, you didn’t really understand how upset he was. but maybe it was for the best, because it allowed you to defuse the tension lightheartedly : « i can’t believe i forgot to introduce you ! » you let out as you dragged him back to where your brother was still standing

• his jaw still clenched, iwa couldn’t even bring himself to shake this stranger’s hand, as friendly as he looked. at least not until you spoke your next words : « he was actually telling me how excited he was to finally met his future brother-in-law ! »

• iwa’s lips slightly parted in confusion, you could almost hear the cogs turning in his head over the music. brother? well that explained a lot of things

• « h-hi, sorry i was... miles away » he apologized before finally shaking the hand your brother was holding out to him

• but once the surprise had passed, another word stuck with him : brother-in-law ? as in « my sibling speaks so highly of you that i’m willing to let you put a ring on their finger even though i have never met you yet » ?

• well, it was good to know that your brother agreed with the plans he’d had for you since day 1...

— AKAASHI

• it was not unusual for akaashi to think that maybe he was not good enough for you. but being actually jealous was a first for him

• he had promised himself to never be too overprotective of you. but the facts were here : it was 3am and the only thing keeping him up was this unknown feeling of pure jealousy

• if he had not been in such a hurry when he witnessed your lighthearted banter and playful fighting with this man in the afternoon, he would’ve come up to you. introduced himself. maybe asked a few questions. if

• suspecting that this unpleasant feeling would not go away unless he talked to you about it, akaashi found himself dialling your number in the middle of the night

• used to his thoughts polluting his mind at unpredictable hours of the day and the night, your ringer was always on. which is why you picked up after only two rings

• « hi angel, i’m sorry to wake you up, i just... » he started, the clarity of his tone letting you know that he had not slept a wink. feeling his hesitation, you were quick to reassure him « it’s ok keiji. what’s going on ? »

• « who were you with ? i mean- this afternoon ? i don’t think i’ve ever met that guy and i was just wondering if... maybe i should ? »

• sitting up straight on your bed, you felt a weight being lifted off your shoulders. if this was the only thing keeping him awake, he should be able to fall asleep in the following minutes. « i was with my brother. but i understand why you were confused, it’s a normal reaction so please don’t blame yourself for that, alright baby ? »

• the gasp you heard on the other end of the line made you chuckle. akaashi’s voice was much less tensed now : « well in that case, yeah i should probably meet him... if you’re ok with that »

• « i’m more than ok with that » you smiled, placing your phone down on your pillow « wanna stay on the phone for a bit ? »

• « that’d be nice », his voice sounded sleepy already, especially above the familiar sound of his covers being pulled up to his chin

— ATSUMU

• how could he put that in words ? he didn’t even know if he was allowed to be jealous because he knew how often you had to see him deal with his many fangirls

• and that was actually what bugged him the most : that he might have already made you feel as shitty as he was feeling now

• but atsumu wasn’t the type to sit down and seriously open up about his feelings. besides, it was much easier to look like a needy boyfriend rather than a vulnerable one

• so he resorted to what he was best at : physical touch as a way to get your attention

• sneaking up behind you, he didn’t give you any warning before wrapping both his arms around your waist and pressing his chest on your back so much that you almost had to bend over

• he really hoped you would be perceptive enough to understand that he wasn’t just being clingy, but in need of a lot of reassurance. and luckily, it was quick to come :

• « tsumu, let me introduce you my brother » you chuckled, understanding how and why he had been mistaken

• one hand still on your waist, he used the other to greet your brother. atsumu did not really seem fazed by the news. of course he was relieved to know that he had nothing to worry about, but this little experience had still been very eye-opening to him

• after your brother had left to give you two some privacy, tsumu’s grip on your waist tightened, but in a softer way

• « ‘m sorry if i ever made ya cry » he let out, completely out of the blue. you didn’t really understand the meaning of this, but it didn’t matter. your hand found its way to his cheek that you brushed lightly with one finger, admiring the how it was slowly turning red. « being jealous sucks... » he added.

• « it does », you approved, giving him a quick peck on the nose. « but there’s nothing and no one that you should worry about, i promise »

• a fond smile lit up his face. you looked sincere, and he really needed to hear that right now. quick as ever, his hands left your waist to come and rest on your cheeks. both holding each other’s faces, you stared at the other for a few seconds, wondering which one of you would give in to a kiss first

TAGLIST : @toworuu @catwithangerissues @miyumiya @livy384 @k0u-minamo2 @fullsundear @hsjvwq @kelsuuki @hiraeth-z @velvetvirgos @kirishimas-manly-eyeliner @47meow @japanesevenom @geektastic84 @noir-blanches-blog @idontlikeyourjob @seiri-ami @atiny-grl-with-luv @admiringlove @nachotrash @kellesvt @aintyourholy @Moonlaeli @catchmewiddershins @duhsies @devilgirlcrybabiey @crystal-lilac @ijustwantfreenetflix @mimaki @maitenight

[nightmare8-420]

Intro

Call me J

Pronouns are he/him but they and it are fine too

I like screaming into the void known as this hellsite

somehow am still lonely while having friends

i draw and post it here sometimes

I call this an ed/sh blog but its relly just my shitty life™️ i wont ever post body checks of me or someone else. Everything that could potentially trigger someone should have a tw on it, if not lmk. I dont promote anything in my shitty life. probably not a safe space for ppl in recovery, love yall, just dont wanna trigger you

B0mblover is my writing/sometimes art blog

killmeplese34 (yes its spelled like that) is my sh blog bc worried abt being t worded

free Palestine🇵🇸

im a minor so please dont be too weird

i want to bash my head in in pavement

feel free to spam if youd like, it doesnt bother me /gen

as of feb 24 2024 im learning chinese (simplified) i might post in it, please correct me if i mess up

Dni list:

Racists

Homophobes

Transphobes

Xenophobes

ablest “people”

pedos (does that need to be said?)

conservatives (american ones specifically bc ive heard its different in other places we will not get along)

pro “life” “people”

Fbi

government in general (i will call a crack head next time bc YALL DIDNT FUCKIN SHOW UP)

Do not ask me about

•gun control (im too confused on it to have a proper stance)

•for help financially (sorry but i legit cant do jack shit about it besides reblog bro im broke af)

•real advice (i can try to help but i make things much worse)

•how i feel about Kunai Tadashi (i mean you can just it will be long)

•every illegal thing ive done (FUCK YOU FBI YOULL NEVER CATCH ME as i post my ip address)

Info

Email: adolf.hitlers.goldfish@gmail.com

Email2: anidiot5317@gmail.com

Email3: (professional shitttt) J.Nitoro@gmail.com

Instagram: Insane_268_2

Discord: mocchi59

(ao3 will be hopefully added if i ever make an account)

Tags, if you need to block smth (or need an index)

•idiot ass drawing (drawing)

• j’s a bloody mess (selfharm/blood)

• j isnt suffering for once? (my infrequent high points)

• j’s crying and listening to music (music)

• j’s guchiry posting again (guchiry)

• j is down bad as fuck and doesnt know how or deal with it / really any variation of it (me being down bad for a certain someone and handing it poorly, i made the tag as a joke and just kept using it) (is private)

•cooking with j (me cooking gross shit seeing if it tastes good)

•j answers (new tag, “answering” asks)

•j watches alice in borderland tag ig (its what it sounds like.)

•Jiro nitos depression irl (red text posts of mine, mostly for myself, sorting. i have too many tags but oh well)

im mostly into

Guchiry /ぐちり

Hiiragi Kirai / 柊キライ

Alice in Borderland (only pirated dw)

And ¿?(wada shimon)

and i have severe trauma so i sometimes post about that 👍

I wish you luck

[tendousthoughts]

HQ Boys Thinking Their S/O Left Them Pt. 2

Character(s) included: Tsukishima & Ushijima

Warning(s): Cursing

Song of the day: Love The Way You Lie by Eminem

A/N: Wow thanks for 200+ likes on my last part & 15+ reblogs! I’m almost at 150 followers so thank you for that too! I can't believe that my account is still active! Here’s part two! As always my ask box is open for comments and such! I would love to have some more Anons or even some character anons. Part three is next so if you have any haikyuu boys you want next just send a message! Please forgive any spelling and grammatical errors!

Where to find all the parts!

Where to find all my content!

Tag(s): @chibiiichann

Tsukishima

So the argument was your fault. The ‘harmless’ joke made its way to be more effective than you imagined. So maybe it wasn’t as funny as you thought to pour water on his head as soon as he got through the door. But it wasn’t your fault for not knowing he was having a tough day already.

“Baby.. please.. kei, I am sorry..” you whispered softly as you followed him in. You could tell he was angry. After all he just wanted to rest and now you just fucked everything up. “Kei.. please.” He turned to you.

“What?” He was drenched and tried to not let his attitude show. He just wanted to take a shower and go to bed.

“I didn’t mean to upset you.. it was just supposed to be a harmless prank..” you muttered softly now avoiding his eyes. They felt like they were burning holes into you.

“Oh wow so funny!” He looked at you. Now making eye contact you can feel the hints of venom in his voice. “It’s so fucking funny. You know sometimes I wonder if I ever did the shit you do to me back to you how would you react? I mean after all it’s just a fucking harmless prank! Do you ever just fucking think for a moment, ‘fuck maybe that’s not a good idea?’ Or no? I mean is you brain so fucking small and your so fucking dumb to the point you don’t have a good thought in there?!” His voice was loud, deep, and annoyed. You could almost see the hatred seeping from each word. You looked to the ground and took his hurtful and harmful words. 

It was your fault after all.

After a moment he looked down at you, getting out everything he needed to say, well almost everything. “It fucking sucks to put up with you sometimes. I hope you know your fucking lucky.” There he went, finally finishing his bitter words. He left slamming the door behind him as he started the shower. The warm tears that you had been holding in now finally making their way out.

After grabbing a jacket, phone, wallet, and keys you leave. Feeling terrible that he had to put up with you. Locking the door as you left you decided to take a walk. It was cold and dark. It was a terrible idea to have, but there wasn’t much more that you could do.

After he finished his shower he got out looking for you. He had sorta realized the weight of his words. He knew he went too far.

After about five minutes he realized you were nowhere in sight. He changed and grabbed his phone. “Pick up..” he muttered, calling you. It was too cold for you to be out, let alone it was too dark.

You looked down at your phone and just ignored the call, scared to be yelled at again. It was freezing, now coming to the realization that you should have brought a bigger jacket. You head to a nearby ramen place to eat.

On his side he is freaking the fuck out. “Fuck fuck..” he muttered softly. He tried calling you again and to his surprise you picked up. “Y/n where are you?” He seems upset.

“Don’t worry about it.. just get some rest okay? Night.” You’re almost about to hang up where he starts talking again. He is frantic and you can tell he is extremely worried.

“Y/n please. It’s dark and cold and I don’t want you getting lost or anything worse please..” he mumbled softly. He is trying not to seem overbearing.

“I’ll be okay. Goodnight.” You hang up. Not to your surprise he calls you about five times as you order something to go for the both of you. After about twenty minutes you start to walk back. It’s pitch black and freezing. You put the bag on your arm and zip up your thin jacket. Now holding onto your phone on flashlight with one hand and with the other the soup trying to keep warm. It takes you another fifteen minutes to arrive and you open the door.

Tsukishima was waiting by the door. It was quite late so you bit your lip and closed the door after. In that time Tsukishima’s arms are already tightly around you. His eyes were red and puffy and it was clear he had been crying.

“I told you to get some rest, Kei..” you whispered softly, unsure why he was up. Kinda glad that the ramen did go to waste though.

“I am sorry.. I’m sorry.. I’m sorry..” he started to cry again holding you tight. You were cold to the touch and to be honest if it weren’t for what he said earlier you would probably be really enjoying this.

“It’s okay.. I got some dinner..” you whisper breaking away from his grasp as you sit at the table him following after. He wiped away the tears sitting in front of you. He felt like shit. As you place the food in front of him he gives a weak thank you, which you just shake your head to and start eating.

After dinner you get up putting your dishes away. Getting ready for bed after. As you finish brushing your teeth and changing. You are met with his long warm arms around you once again. He missed you all day, and didn’t want you to be distant any longer. “I’m sorry y/n..” he whispered softly, tears rolling down his face.

“It’s okay kei.. don’t worry I know you didn’t, it was my fault anyway..” you muttered softly. “I’m sorry baby..” you wipe away his tears. “I didn’t mean to worry you okay..?” He just holds on tighter and shakes his head gently, picking you up. He decides to carry you to the room you two share. As he holds you, you whisper nothing but sweet words of love, trying to comfort him.

When he lays down you gently hold him. He clears his throat ready to apologize more. “Y/n.. I really didn’t mean any of that okay..? I really love you so much and I’m the lucky one. You’re so considerate and shit and you were just trying to play a prank but I had a really shitty day and just didn’t react well.. I’m sorry..” he whispered softly. His head is buried into the crevice between your shoulder and head. It was clear he was upset.

“Baby it’s okay.. don’t worry I know you didn't mean too.. it was my fault.." you whisper softly. His arms tighten around you holding you close. "I should have known it wasn't a good idea and just didn’t do it. Instead I decided to do it and then leave.. making you worried and stuff.. So I'm sorry.." you whispered softly.

He just shakes his head and smiles softly. "Okay.. I love you Y/n," he muttered softly as he closed his eyes. Quite tired from such a stressful day.

"I love you too Kei," you muttered back, staying up until you’re sure he is peacefully asleep. When you are sure, you drift to sleep. You are safe here. You are safe in his arms, being loved by him. This is where you are meant to be, forever.

Ushijima

Practice was shit. He missed almost everything that came his way, and to be honest it was getting to him. He was quite pissed seeing you with some other guy. No matter what or who they were, they weren’t him. That’s all that mattered. You were laughing and smiling with them and he was upset. So of course he would be off his game. Who wouldn’t? You were the person everyone wanted. Ushijima was lucky to be your boyfriend let alone even talk to you.

But the same could be said about Ushijima. He was known everywhere and you got jealous too at times. I mean who wouldn’t when he got gifts every time he entered a match. He barely talked to you then too, because he thought you would be too ‘distracting.’ So in the end you normally would sit in the back and chat with a few people but tried to stay focused. Today was different. It was a practice not a game. So you didn’t mind not paying attention.

Once practice ended you were met with Ushijima’s tall form in front of you. “Oh hey baby,” you smiled getting up. He doesn’t look too happy and gives the guy a stare that makes him almost immediately leave.

“Who’s he?,” he looked down at you again. You’re shorter than him but to be honest he loves it. He loves the fact that he can tease you with kisses or the fact he can pick you up.

“I just met him. He is pretty cool, turns out he was in one of my old classes.” You smile a bit.

“Oh. Okay let’s go.” He muttered softly. Now expecting a kiss on the head before you two leave you wait. It takes a moment before you realize you’re not getting one so you just follow after him.

“How was practice..” you ask when you guys get in the car. It was quiet and you didn’t like that. It was too quiet.

“You would have known if you were watching.” He was brief and quick with his answers. “It went bad.”

You shake your head softly and when you guys get back into the house it’s no better. Now deciding to break the silence once more. “What’s wrong baby..” you look at him. Something’s off. Completely off.

He looks to you maybe for the first time, in what.? Half an hour an hour of being in the same car. Whatever it was it didn’t matter, it was too long.

“I don’t know why you have to come to my practices and just distract me the whole time.” He doesn’t think about what to say before he does.

“What..? I didn’t run up to you like usual and I stayed in the back like you like! What do you mean ‘distract’ you?” You look at him confused.

“Maybe you shouldn’t come then. It seems like everywhere you have to just be in my way. Let alone you just bring people with you.” He looks annoyed and maybe you should just drop it. But you can’t. You did nothing wrong.

“What? I stayed out of your fucking way! I didn’t ask to come. You asked me too! It’s not like I begged you to come and then was up in your face the whole time. Like your so-called fans! They were up in your face the whole fucking time trying to give you gifts and shit! But ya I’m the distracting one!” You looked annoyed. Upset. Pissed off. Whatever you wanna call it.

“Really? Really? We wanna go there now? It’s not like every fucking time we walk the halls together someone doesn’t come up to say hello to you! Or asks if your fucking free, I mean it’s not like your with me or anything.” You can tell he is mad. But it isn’t your fault.

“Yes really! You have fucking people wait by the gates of the school for you. I mean that’s what I get for dating you right? I get a bunch of girls following my boyfriend, I get called a distraction when I come up to you and get called a distraction when I’m away from you. I don’t know what to fucking do at this point!” You can feel yourself tear up. This is fucked up.

“Wow. Of course. All my fucking fault. Mhm just blame it all on me. You know what fuck you, and fuck your high horse.” He slams the shared room’s door closed. You don’t say anything, deciding to just leave. You grab your stuff and close the door. It’s a bit chilly and you’re glad you grabbed a jacket. It wasn’t weird for you two to fight let alone get on each other’s nerves. But when it’s going good, it’s going great.

You leave heading to a friend’s house and stay the night. Unsure how you fucking feel at this point. What the fuck was up with him? You just tried to stay in your fucking lane. It hurts. It fucking hurts to be called a distraction. Maybe he didn’t get that. But you knew he did. He wasn’t that dumb. He wasn’t that fucking dense like everyone else thought. You knew he wasn’t. That was one of his worst insecurities and you knew it.

The next day you were dropped off at school and we’re surprised to see Ushijima waiting. You bit your lips walking right past him. You could see the hurt in his eyes. He had eye bags and his eyes were red and swollen. He seemed like he had been crying, you felt bad. But at the same time you didn’t. You needed him to understand how much you were hurt by his words.

When lunch came around he was waiting at the door of your classroom and you bit your lip. “Do you need something?” You ask. It took him a moment before he shook his head.

“Can we please talk.. I’m sorry..” he muttered softly. He was clearly still upset by yesterday’s fight and so were you.

“Okay. It’s fine I’m sorry too,” you look up now, his big arms were wrapped tightly around you. He sniffled softly as he was already tearing up again.

“I didn’t mean any of that.. you’re not a distraction and I love you so much baby..” he whispered softly. “I was just jealous and shit..” he muttered softly. “I don’t like it when you hang out with others and stuff and I know it’s not fair.. I just get worried you will like them more and just leave..” he whispered softly finally opening up.

“Hey look at me..” you whisper gently, taking your hands and wrapping them around his cheeks. “I won’t do that to you.. I love you so much, okay?” He shakes his head.

“I love you too y/n..” he muttered softly. He was tired and you could tell. Once you reached the cafeteria you sat next to him and he laid his head on your shoulder.

A soft laugh made its way out as you held him. God you love him. Nothing could ever change that. No matter any fight. You loved him and he loved you. That’s all that would ever matter.

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