#its not any more interesting than my blog
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Winter Holiday 20 years old 4'11 Orientation: Heterosexual-ish Occupation: Creator of smiles Location: Where the snow first falls
Winter Holiday is an unique individual who over the last few months has started to show, shall we say some interesting characteristics. For the moment though she is mostly human. She knows that she will have an interesting road a head of her and as her parents have made her aware, a partner during this journey will be essential. Mainly because no-one knows what to expect. Her parents defied the rules and loved each other and if that wasn't bad enough did what was thought impossible, create new life. See Winter has some magical lineage, her fathers, yes fathers, are a touch legendary and her mother seemingly just human was found to be a bit more than anyone could guess.
But we are not here today to talk about them. Winter is very much a mystery and as such, details about her will become known as we progress.
Here are some fun Winter facts: ❄️she absolutely LOVES the cold and snow ❄️oddly almost anywhere Winter goes there's either a drop in temp / starts to snow ❄️The birthmarks on her cheeks slowly appeared over the years and are cool to the touch ❄️She loves the color blue ❄️Dancing is her religion
More info will be forthcoming as we lead up to the submission deadline
Contestant Entry Rules:
❄️YA males only, any ethnicity or size welcome ❄️No Occults - caveat- winner will become immortal/long lifespan as Winter will be walking this rock of a planet for a very long time. ❄️Bio/brief backstory ❄️1 negative trait/ no custom traits ❄️No in game jobs assigned please ( totally fine for them to have one listed in their bio) ❄️3 skills of your choosing, max level 5 ❄️Likes/Dislikes please - 10 max ❄️Turn-on/off optional ❄️light /med CC or Vanilla is OK ❄️NO ALPHA hair ❄️No body presets ❄️Attire: 2 everyday/ 1 cold weather. If you don't have seasons please add your sims cold weather outfit as their 3rd everyday and I will change it over to the appropriate slot in CAS. All other you can leave in underwear and I will supply outfit if/when needed. Please keep in mind we will be almost always in cold weather when outside.
Side note: I use default skin (Bare by Lamatisse) and eyes (jack eyes remastered - but i had to "fix" them to work after some patch so your simmies will be using those in game Sliders are ok as I have the most popular ones. Note I will not add any new ones in my game so small tweaks may be made to compensate
❄️ I own ALL packs ❄️
Quick Questions for the potential hopefuls What is your favorite color Tell us what makes you naughty and what makes you nice ( yes answer both) Sims height
Contestant Submissions
Submissions deadline: Saturday Feb 15th @10pm CST. If I end up with more than 7 candidates , 7 will be chosen from the submissions. More to come if this ends up being the case
Remember to tag me or use #HTDF or #KillerBC So I can see your entry and reblog
Friendly reminder this is an 18+ blog, there will be mature themes involved. So the watcher needs to be at least 18 to enter 🫡
Not everyone will make it out alive.👀☠️ Some may even disappear. There will be chaos and drama and what ever else these damn sims throw my way.
Gameplay: There will be various gameplay mods being used throughout this BC including and not limited to Wicked Whims, and several Sacrificial Mods including extreme violence There will be some storytelling component to this, As with most BC there will be some challenges, group activities/dates and solo opportunities. Interactions will predominately be autonomous and I will use that to help build the story and game play. Some scenes/interactions may be replayed out using poses/animations Winter is looking for love but keep in mind there is a story playing out along side this and its a little on the dark side and yes not everyone will make it out alive. The only ones immune to the Grimms kiss will be Winter and her parents.
#my first BC yall pray for me#HTDF#KillerBC#Winter Holiday#ts4 bachelorette challenge#sims 4 bachelorette challenge#bachelorette#black simblr#black simmer#the sims 4#ts4 simblr
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
Umineko Episode 3 Blog: Once Upon A Time
I had a feeling a topic like this would eventually come up. There are only so many "unforgivable" things a man in Kinzo's position could have done to his unrequited love. Somehow, it seems the truth was far worse than I thought.
I had found Episode 2 to be a largely uneventful affair. I liked the focus on Shannon and Kanon's characters at the start, and their relationship to "Beatrice," and Rosa was a riot as usual, but beyond that a huge chunk of it felt like I wasn't really getting much new information. Episode 3 kind of feels like Episode 2, but better. The magic part of the story is more interesting and has more meaningful implications on the mystery side of the story instead of being random nonsense, the game throws interesting twists on the mysteries of the previous games (killing off all of the servants on 1st Twilight was such a cool idea), and Ryukishi has provided so much important context regarding the killer's motivations, where before all we knew was that it was Sayo and her reasons had something to do with her solving the epitaph.
I'm told that people at the time found Episode 2 too difficult, and Episode 3 was in some ways a response to that, which is why we get treated to Virgilia explaining what an unreliable narrator is to Battler for the sake of those poor souls who hadn't caught on up to this point. It seems like Umineko has finally finished establishing its basic narrative tricks, and now we get to just have fun with it, although "fun" is maybe the wrong word for the main topic of this post.
Beatrice gets a bit shifty about explaining her backstory, as we'd expect from her. She wants us to believe that her death, as witnessed by Rosa, makes it impossible for the secret mansion to have any connection to the Rokkenjima murders, but it's clear that the Beatrice in the prologue is not the one from Rosa's story. Unfortunately, we've gone full Yu-Gi-Oh at this point and we have way too many different Beatrices running around, so for the sake of my sanity:
Beatrice I: Kinzo's mistress from long ago. May or may not have provided gold. Commit suicide after her daughter was born.
Beatrice II: Daughter of Beatrice I and Kinzo. Met Rosa. Died after falling off of a cliff.
Beatrice III: girl who broke a vase in the prologue. Describes Kinzo as her grandfather, which, troublingly, means she's probably Beatrice II's daughter.
Beatrice: Battler's nemesis in the meta-plot. On a metaphorical level, she's sort of a vague amalgamation of everything and everyone who's received the name of the golden witch.
Virgilia: Beatrice III's caretaker, who appears in the meta-plot and magic narrative as a mentor witch. In reality, Virgilia is Kumasawa. It's a well-executed Chekov's Gun: we were told in Episode 1 that Kumasawa often quits and then comes back after a while. The implication seems to be that whenever Kumasawa "quits" working for the Ushiromiya family, she's actually just being reassigned to the secret mansion to look after whichever Beatrice is staying there.
Sayo: masterminded the Rokkenjima killings, while occupying the role of the golden witch.
Eva: Kinzo's eldest legitimate daughter. Took over a significant chunk of the killings in Episode 3, after solving the epitaph. Was it simple greed, or are we again finding out that the epitaph hides an additional secret that makes those who solve it lean toward committing the killings?
EVA: Eva's inner child turned witch. Typically appears in the magic narrative to explain away the killings. Symbolically represents that Eva and Sayo do not have the same ends, even if they end up using the same means.
Ange: I guess they're just letting anyone be a witch these days.
Beatrice's explanation about being locked in the body of Beatrice II tells a horrid story between the lines: Kinzo had a daughter with his mistress, and after her death, he groomed his daughter to serve as her replacement. The fact that Kinzo has an extra grandchild we can't account for would seem to imply that he tried it twice. Beatrice tries to obscure this fact by working through Rosa, who didn't have enough context to understand the situation.
In any case, based on the timeline I'm guessing that Beatrice III is Sayo. She's the only realistic candidate I can think of who's involved in the story, and explains a lot. The servants are willing to work with Sayo out of a sense of obligation toward her, both because Kumasawa at the very least probably feels a lot of guilt at being complicit in the situation, and because Sayo probably became the de facto head after Kinzo died. I bet he'd sooner appoint her than anyone else in his family, although the rest of the family would certainly have disputed the claim if she'd come forward initially.
I do wonder what Kinzo was thinking having Sayo become a servant. Maybe a cover story, since the truth behind her birth was too shameful to admit? Another possibility is that the servants just got one over on ol' Kinzo and sent Sayo to the orphanage at some point, pretending she was someone else. I feel like Sayo had to end up at the orphanage somehow, even briefly as part of her cover story, since she needs to meet Kanon at some point.
The implications of this on Sayo and George's relationship aren't great, but we've already crossed that line by now, and Episode 2 did establish that Shannon avoids being physically intimate with George. Did Shannon enter this relationship in some attempt to get control over the family's assets, knowing that her claim would not be respected under normal circumstances, or did she only come to fully understand who she was and where she came from after solving the epitaph?
Sayo's connection to Beatrice feels very different now. Sayo probably doesn't even remember her mother, so the closest she's got is the legend of the witch. No wonder she takes on that role to get revenge on the family. The whole theme in the first letter of taking back what's rightfully hers fits much better as well.
We still don't fully understand Sayo's motivations. The whole conversation on the beach about Battler's childhood crush really feels like it's foreshadowing a reveal later. I'm guessing it's something like: Battler threw out a cringy line about coming back for Sayo on a white horse because he was 12, and then ditched the family. Back in Episode 1, George asked Shannon why she had stayed employed as a maid for so long, after already saving a fair amount of money. The truth was that Sayo was envious of Battler leaving everything behind, and, like her mother blindly trusting Rosa, she secretly clung to the childish notion that one day he really would come back for her and take her away from Rokkenjima and the Ushiromiyas, but instead Battler came back and implicitly revealed what she probably should have known: he never took it seriously, and that was the straw that broke the camel's back.
That's enough of that depressing topic. Next time, we get treated to Peak Eva Content.
#umineko episode 3#liveblogging#umineko liveblog#umineko when they cry#umineko no naku koro ni#umineko
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
coming back to this … its been a long week (only 2 weeks of summer break, total shit, all i feel like doing is sleeping 😗) and has included a lot of flipping back and forth btwn twitter and tumblr
and! i realised my beautiful mutuals here do not know my name, while on twitter its my display name - mostly for convenience purposes, as users on there can be sooo picky about things (please refer to ‘hell on earth’)
i used to have a pinned post but ..? well it didn’t contain much, so i deleted it
i don’t mind being known as cringelord on here and often tag posts unrelated to fandom stuff with that or, like i did for one piece and fe3h, used it as such: ‘cringelord watches/plays (insert media)’ (similar to a twitter tag i have)
my point is: i’ll likely never put my name on here, just pronouns and my age, but if anyone would like to follow my twitter and see what heinous things i [don’t] get up to on that hellsite, here!
twitter is hell on earth
#mid-post thought: too many parentheses?#cringelord rambles#its not any more interesting than my blog#but theres an even amount of activity between apps so i thought i’d share
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
People love finding random natives online and dumping their family story on them expecting a reassuring 'of course you're native!!' Lol
Sorry, if you don't wanna reconnect why would you even mention your supposed apache or whatever ancestry. If you aren't connecting to the tribe what does it even matter. 'I find it interesting' so you're using supposed native ancestry as a fun fact to make you look more interesting? How is that different than any other 'great grandma cherokee princess' person. Especially since you apparently have time to research the history of all your ancestral cultures but you don't have time to do genealogy
And of course when I tell them 'assume the stories are fake until you've got actual proof' they block me.
#sigh. just the usual#like i watched this person see my popular cherokee video posts. they liked then#them. then immediately i guess went looking on my blog for somewhere to put their family story in the replies#ended up being my post on why dna tests arent relevant in native genealogy#and they were like 'yea i have 2 native family stories and whenever i mention them to someone they say join a tribe! like no?? im not#im not of any particular group im just an american mutt'#ok then dont claim it? why claim any ancestry if youre going to just say 'lol but not Actually'#and they did Not like hearing that#'well i find it interesting' ok? these are living people youre claiming a connection to. claiming native ancestry isnt the same as going#'oh im 2% swiss haha thats fun' youre claiming to be a part of one of many cultures who are constantly stolen from and misused#idk. shits so annoying#'its too far back and im just a mutt' ok what does that make me then? a white native with Low blood quantum? is mine too far back too? like.#its funny how many people ill hear say 'well its too far back id only be like 1/16 lol so i shouldnt bother with it'#if you wanna know whether youd Count just ask who can reconnect. you dont need to self depreciate and try to get the random person youre#talking to to reassure you#anywayyyyy idk#its funny reconnecting and finding out all these things that are just par for the course to any other native#like 'yup. those guys' and im over here fuming hahaha#ill learn to just not engage eventually but right now i still have hope i can actually help some people who are here to genuinely learn#and at least im getting these people instead of them going to connected folks who have to deal with this shit way more than me#like ugam said at one point. its my job to play interference lol and i dont mind it#i just wish id get some people that will actually be reasonable instead of arguing and blocking me
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
1634 make me genuinely ill because there are just.... so few bonds in this sport where you look at them and go. that was 100% meant to happen like that and no one else could've slotted in. like yea, so many of players across the league form close bonds and friendships bc that's the nature of spending a whole part of your life sharing a common goal and space when you're like.. doing this team activity... and guys are constantly befriending ppl and moving on... but auston and mitch it's like. it's almost like THEY feel that they were supposed to have that bond... and go out of their way to reaffirm it at every turn... like they met and got along and loved each other immediately and were so excited to get to play hockey together only to NOT get to for a long while and while they waited, they ??? developed all these rituals. and these things together... their personal routines, things to communicate to each other that they have each other's backs and are building each other into their visions and superstitions and dreams, some of which we'll never know about (unless they'd so kindly like to tell us a la mitch's interview with cabbie where he says maybe some day he'll share the gifts auston's gotten him w the world. tell all book when mitch).. but their gloves and their handshakes and their warmups and even the way they walk into road games and it's jsut. like it's friendship, for sure, obviously. they get along off the ice and make each other laugh the most and have a good time, but it's also the inextricable linking of their own careers. BY THEIR OWN DOING. like they want their names jotted next to each other and that's PART of the chase for this greater goal. yes, they would have been talked about in tandem anyway bc they're out here being the best leafs ever and hitting milestones like 500 points.... 600 points... just weeks apart from each other season to season. but also it's their commitment to each other that makes them talked about too. it's commentators saying they love to play together bc they can see it. they've heard them talk about it. they watch it. "marner to matthews" "matthews to marner". they're always gonna know where each other are.... it makes me . feel. violent with love, lol. makes me feel like some things are definitely meant to be.
#dont even get me started on the way they just slot in next to each other as ppl too#like the perfect complementary pair in SO many ways#having things in common but plenty of things not. to always keep it interesting. adapting n shaping to who is around too#and the way they respect each others opinion and its so. DOCUMENTED. like. auston thinkin hes underrated too fkldjs#ITS JUST SO ? THE CONSTANT LOVE AND SUPPORT ON SOCIAL MEDIA...#MORE THAN FOR ANYONE OR ANYTHING ELSE LIKE . IT GAGS ME... its so simple#feel like ive consumed so much hockey content across the board and the only ppl who compete are like#duos with years and years more on them flksdjfkl#kills me to think abt how much more lore we could know if they werent in toronto as a market liek#how much more open they could and would willingly be fkldsj yet.#part of the whole destiny thing is being there in toronto together too#mitchs home town. auston saddled w the weight of the franchise but also.#feeling like mitch helps him carry it. and hell give him credit any chance he can#co captains fucking when. maybe never but in my ddremas always#its almsot 1am im delirious but ive just#been surfing through some blogs today.. sorting some files on my own computer of them and just the AMOUNT of stuff ive savelkdjklfflkds#STAGGERING. THEY LOVE AEAHC OTHER SO BAD I LITERLALY#AM IN TEARS#1634#who else even does it like this like#i long to be compelled but nothing even touches it. everything else is just. fragments of fiction. WHERE IS THE POETRYY THE FATE THE LONGIN#i need to start a new project or smth im losing my mind
54 notes
·
View notes
Note
you are complaining about complaining too much while complaining about the fact that maybe people dont like you because you complain too much while complaining about being alone. just stop complaining and do something about it. talk to people. reach out. dont just wait for someone to come to you first.
i have tried reaching out to different people in the past year or so but it never works. i understand its my own fault for letting relationships decay because of my own insecurities and issues but that doesn't mean i can just will myself to think or believe different things about myself. it's a self fulfilling prophecy ; i think people don't like me so i don't reach out so people don't like me etc . i am sure you do not want to hear me list all the things i want to say in response so i will put them in the tags.
#every time i try to reach out or talk to someone it goes nowhere. i dont have any social skills anymore and have no clue how to keep a#conversation going. half the time even when i do people stop replying to me. which is fine theydont owe me a reply but still feels likeshit#when i tried to make one new irl friend it just didn't work because they have better options for friends. we spoke occasionally but never#messaged online like ever and would only talk when we happened to be in the same place. i tried multiple times to organize a time to hangou#none of which came to pass. i dont understand why this one didn't work because i thought this person was interested in being my friend but#i guess i was wrong or thought they were more interested than they really were.#i have a problem with reaching out anyway which has been a problem i have had since i was like 11. reaching out to people first doesnt come#easily to me - in the beginning when i was a lot younger i didn't want to bother people with my presence & thought if i were to come to#someone first they would feel pressured into talking to me when they didn't want to. this is stupid of course. but has still not left me as#something i feel is very core to the way i act today. waiting for someone to come to me first feels like my only option because i do not#know how to reach out effectively (my evidence being i have failed every time i have tried) & i am convinced people dont like me in the#first place and do not want me to approach them.#i dont really even know who to reach out to in the first place. my world is extremely narrow. the number of people i know has shrunk#significantly and my standing in their eyes collectively has also shrunk significantly in the past few years. i feel like every person i#was once friends with wants nothing to do with me. i feel as if i have burned every bridge possible.#when it comes to the fact i complain all the time . which i know of course is annoying. its because i cant find any kind of joy in anything#i do or see or whatever. nothing makes me happy - i only see things to complain about. all stimulus seems grating and the world seems#specifically catered to make me miserable. all i can really do is complain. i treat this blog like a stream of consciousness and when most#of that consciousness is occupied with how much i hate being alive the blog will mostly be complaining. its a vicious cycle lol .#anyway . i guess the key theme is low self esteem begets low self esteem in many ways. mental illness begets mental illness.#i am not really saying this to anyone least of all to you anon. i just felt compelled to recount i guess for myself the reasons that came#to mind for why i am like this. i am talking to myself here
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
i am never going to recover from the death shroud radio play actually
#liz blogs#fallout 4#death shroud#its been in my watch later for like 3 months now and i just got around to listening to it all the way through#its got everything. its got nick valentine. it's got Funny Bits. it's got amazing universe writing. it's got a mystery.#its got nick valentine again. yes i'll mention him twice he's my peepaw :) nice old man#i should have expected That Ending with Those Voice Actors Present but i was still Unprepared for where that went#demonicae#bitch. i get it now. i get what you meant by 'it was relevant to my interest in more ways than one.' holy shit#that ending was crack to my brain i tell you#it starts like 'oh yeah thismight as WELL be canon though' and ends like 'oh my god thats so delightfully silly and fanfic-y. ... but still#-relatively in the bounds of canon even with that premise.' its good. oh my god its good#obscure videogame crack lore about glados and claptrap dating my beloved. that's the stupidest shit i ever seen (affectionate)#now THAT is a crackship. they are SO divorced#i was not ready for any of that oh my fucking GODDDDD hELP ME#also i never considered nora and danse dating but actually. thats really funny. she has a type. she just replaced her fucking husband#its basically the same guy twice.
64 notes
·
View notes
Note
hello!! i just want to tell you that your art is so goddamn scrumptious, you are literally feeding my xmen brainrot and I find myself smiling when i see your art come across my feed. I love how you draw charles, pretty privilege and post (lets be fr he's serving every time)
i hope you always have fantastic brainrot and id kiss your blessed hands for giving us the gift of cherik and charles xavier, you are literally an icon
hope you have a great day ahead of you and more!! you deserve it !!
well i'ma absolutely have a wonderful mornin after readin this AWWWW thank you so so much !!!! i haven't been postin xmen long, so it's been really heartwarmin seein the warm reception to my work in the wonderful tags people have been leavin on my posts- and especially gettin to answer the lovely asks y'all've been sendin in (❁´ ▽ `❁) !! im glad people also like my goofy text posts and esp quotes from my brother he really has no right being so funny at the most random times
i hope to be xmen posting a while: ive got at least 60 years worth of stuff to look through and ongoing, so i dont imagine my interest'll wane anytime soon :]] !!
#fave#snap chats#'xmen posting' is so generous ive been posting the same two freaks day in day out !!!!!!#my blog desc does not lie i am cherik posting near exclusively because these two have captivated my brain in such a diabolical manner#that doesnt mean i dont love the rest of the xmen cast ofc ..... its been fun getting back into this franchise more in depth this year#its funny honestly: i was more of an avengers kid growing up but like. by the SMALLEST technical margin#i Vaguely caught eps of 92 as a kid and i distinctly remember the 'real raven' scene from first class when i was a teen#because of course thats the one (1) scene i saw as a kid while channel surfing jELJEA like Hello mr lehnsherr. Your zesty turtleneck.#and mystique. hello. but it didnt really go any deeper than that ... until recently HIIIII#i missed the train like a mfer tho all Three of my friends had watched the xmen movies growing up but better late than never !!#i got into comics through my bro and he only really took me to see avengers movies and the like but avengers hasnt really. stuck with me#not in the way xmen has recently. maybe its cause im older idk i just find myself attached to it and more interested in it as a whole#BUT ENOUGH OF THAT PRATTLE thank you so much for the kind words !!! they really do mean a lot i'll cherish this ask forever#im very happy people like how i draw charles i love drawing him sm.... pretty privilege and post thats heinous vjlkjvALVJELKJ#BUT VERY TRUE HE'S ALWAYS HANDSOME THO i love me a bald mfer im so serious this is no game#dark phoenix gets my ire for having mcavoy be bald the whole time but then i have to deal with The Rest Of The Movie#he just looks so good .... i mean Granted but he just looks especially good ... do we catch my cold ... ill stop now ...#point is i look forward to drawing charles many more times in the future Bald Or Not with his ex by his side <3#i dont even wanna post this i just wanna keep readin it. and replyin to it vJEALKAEJKL BUT i must thank you ... so thank you !!!#i hope to continue makin the people happy with my silly postings :]]]
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#maybe its aveline#this week has been rough and im all alone#im considering deleting my blog before new years and straight up just disappearing off the face of the earth again#and like yeah people have reached out but i have no one irl and it doesnt get better#i have no way out of the situation im in. ive been stuck alone with no way out since 2020 and there is no escape#ive tried really hard for a long time and nothing works and i dont really even get why ive tried so hard all these years#what the fuck was any of this for? i went through all that abuse and all that heartache and not only is no one sorry for what they did#they have no interest in helping me pick up the pieces of a life that was destroyed because everyone in my life walked away from me#at the moment that i needed them. and i dont want to feel anything anymore. i dont care. im empty. my life is meaningless and pointless#im just a punching bag.#so if i disappear dont concern yourself with me. no one will miss me more than it takes to forget someone left the room. thats who i am.#forgettable and pointless and useless. and i just dont want to exist anymore#dont guilt trip me over posting this. i dont care. i have no one to talk to on any human level and everyone wants something from me#merry christmas. you may not ever hear from me again#id tag this with trigger warnings but i dont want anyone freaking out so just know its ideations and thats it.#im too much of a coward to actually hurt myself anyway. if i wasnt such a coward id be through with this already#also this has been my life since 2018. its not worth living
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Despite everything, I do prefer veilguard to inquisition
#not to be a hater but i just really do not like. inquisition#it managed to beat so many AC games that i've played when it comes to “god this is the worst quest of all times”#the politics of this game drive me insane#don't get me wrong veilguard's do too but somehow inquisition's make me more mad#i don't care for the inquisitor that much and out of the 4 they're the weakest protagonist if you ask me#also the fact that as a qunari you have to ASK LELIANA TO TRANSLATE QUNLAT TO YOU#MADE ME SO MAD#trespasser is only good for the plot bc the gameplay is awful#actually so much of my hatred of this game comes form the gameplay#the final battle makes me mad#HOW WAS THE DA2 DLC FIGHT MORE DIFFICULT THAN THE INQUISITION ONE#AND WAY MORE INTERESTING#my god i have SO many problems with corypheus as a villain#and how the mage/templar war is handled#the romances are good and even tho i love blackwall and solas none of them quite had me hooked like dao and da2s#and datv despite its many problems#also.#war table#do not get me started. on the war table.#anyways#i needed to speak my truth#in that FOR ME ESPECIFICALLY#inquisition is the weakest game#FOR ME MY OPINION#i don't like inquisition#if you scroll back on my blog you'll find plenty of me rebogging dai critical posts#ANYWAYS#i'm fine now#also if you need any proof of how much i dislike inquisition#its that the first time i played dao
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog#didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move#across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s#so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help#with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the#location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright#colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird#like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the#southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December#it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but#i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and#jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen#im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and#the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier#for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy#but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked#up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents#r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes#better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book#like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated
34 notes
·
View notes
Text
There's only so many pimms fics out there and while I'm happy I'm no longer seeing five million "Kent was an abusive narcissist and jack did nothing wrong" fics i kinda hate that most of the stuff I see now have swung in the almost complete opposite direction to "Kent did nothing wrong and Jack is a self centered piece of shit but it's okay guys bc Kent forgives him". Like that's not really better! What happened to nuance what happened to "we both owe each other apologies"!!
#fandom wank#and before anyone comes at me NO im not saying kent was at fault for what happened to jack or abusive#but i do think its indicative of their issues that he frequently ignores jack's boundaries by constantly going to his college#and how he goes straight for the throat when its clear jack isnt going to give him the answer he wanted#and thats fun! thats messy! i love it!#just like jack was an asshole for cutting him off the way he did and always expecting the worst of him!#once they actually get to talking#i think its interesting that jack is trying to move on from his past where he was in a bad place by forgetting even the good stuff#while kent is trying to hold on so tight to a time he felt he was happiest even when that place probably wasnt any better for him#than the place hes in now#(esp since ngozi cannot decide how much homophobia exists and so it only exists to affect bitty & to make kent feel unsafe on his team lol)#i just have a lot of feelings about this and i know this is probably gonna step on the toes of authors i like but eoehejrfj#ugh i have so much more to say but dont want to make these tags longer#do i even tag this lol#i want to for my own blog but hmm#omgcp#at least
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Aggh feeling super proud of myself like im getting on so well atm im learning to drive and im learching french and my art is going really well and ive been enjoying spending time with myself and ive been organising more things for my future and now it feels possible and i hit that deadline and ive been more equiped to deal with things that definetly would have given me a breakdown in march and like. This year is going to suck and im not getting everything i want done but its not going terribly either
#ive had a lot of anxiety issues this last week#i dont have anxiety but i do get anxious most days but im able to get past it#but idk i had a session today and it was positive and it was good to catch up after last weeks was cancelled#theres some things i want to do more of like i want to learn more guitar and i need to do more revision but im also. im improving myself a#lot more#like after learning blender (althpugh ive forgotten now lol) anytime im like man i wish i could learn ____ im like... well i learned blende#its cheesy but its given me a LOT more self confidence in my skills both academic and creative#i sometimes feel that im fucking stupid but like. im also not#idk i just dont think im as far off as i thought#and im SUPER syced to be learning french and spanish#its a LOT more work than it was like last week but honestly i think im going to settle back into it#and im like. okay if i spend 4 years learning french/spanish. i may not be fluent#but i sure as hell wont be any worse#also i know like LOADS more spanish than i thought#anyway im super proud of myself for kicking myself into this#I watched a youtube intro in french and UNDERSTOOD IT IMMEDIETLY TODAY#well it took a bit of concentration but u know#and im watching and listenimg to french/spanish media and its really interesting and fun#my endurance in spanish is not as gpod as in french#and usually id type this out in either blog but my energy is just out for today#but i'll be listening to music and just hear words and its insane how much i can pick up while doing coursework or whatever its amazing#i feel annoying when i talk to other people about it but. oh well i sometimes just get so excited about it#im NOT good. but hey its been 4 months learning french and. about 3 days learning spanish lol
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
It's interesting to stroll around Fanlore reading discussions that took place in 2007 talking about the fractured nature of fandom on LJ and people interacting without having enough context (as in commenting on a post they did not read by a user they do not know) when you're living in 2023 and people distribute likes without reading anything or commenting; when there's supposedly "drama" of unknown origins happening in more than one website at the same time because there's no real "home base" for fandom activity anymore; and we're all carrying on with our lives reblogging things without even looking at previous notes and reactions to that same post even if out of simple curiosity...
#what gets me is the lack of discussion. i don't expect anyone to approach things in a more ~intellectual manner no#but i guess i expect a little more than what i see. i'd *like* to see a little more. more than just personal unfounded opinion#idk i have the distinct feeling that we're all screaming into the void only louder and louder and louder#(you will never convince me that twitter is a good place for discussion because it just isn't. it wasn't made for that#it doesn't support it. its very quick structure is part of why so many people have long recognised it as toxic social media)#(it's talking over one another in fragments. if you agree on there all is peachy but if you don't then lol good luck)#anyway. again. i do know tumblr isn't exactly proper for any of this either; the dashboard isn't designed for it#but it's not like i can convince anyone to switch to a slower and more text/reflection-based platform either now can i#i think about migrating every day but then i'd REALLY be screaming into the void#silly blabbering#i'm allowing myself to post this on this blog because it isn't strictly WN related but also it is. i hate twitter fandom lol#(also if you're wondering yes i did read that one for the bakhtin. in this house we love and support bakhtinian studies)#(just in case my last little essay on wn didn't clue you in regarding that lol)#ALSO i love the fact that the post (the actual post. if you click the link and follow through to the original post. which you should)#links to another post that goes to another post (i love these link black holes) where the author voices things i feel too lol#about crafting extensive essays and the expectation regarding their response#i sometimes think that LJ fandom is what made me choose my degree#why am i seeing myself through someone else's words written in 2006 ksjdfhksdjjhksdgjsd#and yeah yeah we should respond to other people too -- but how when no one is writing the sort of thing you want to/can reply to?#i'm not interested in the colour of beatrice's knickers (not that anyone has talked of that... afaik... but you get what i mean)
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
ive been following the is the fox video cute blog for a while now and while i understand where theyre coming from its still a bit wild to me how pro-farm they are. like i watch videos they share sometimes and stuff bc the ethics of animal husbandry interests me a lot and like i guess the foxes seem relaxed enough? but it must be insanely boring/understimulating even if theyre not stressed to the point of illness. and like. anyone would agree that putting a cat or a dog in a cage their whole life is kinda unfair. dunno
#hope this doesnt go in any tags this post is for me and the people following this blog i dont want randos in my replies or inbox!#i say this bc animal ethics seems to get a lot of people very hot and bothered on here#it seems like the aforementioned blog basically believes in the value of the industry while still wanting to push for better laws/reform for#it#because more support/demand would allow farms to afford better welfare#buuuuuuut idk i think capitalism will corrupt any industry and there will be lazy inhumane people cutting corners#at the same time. there may also always be a demand. so at least making sure its done kindly is better than nothing?#i am pro animal husbandry if the animal is correctly taken care of in their entire life but i think stimulation is a pretty crucial need#for any animal and shouldnt be an afterthought#oh yeah. the other thing that struck me as weird was saying that most of the farmed foxes only live a year so their welfare didnt matter as#much as ones that live longer#i ddont think i agree with that argument and it kind of feels contradictory#sorry for ethicsposting on here its one of my interests but i know it makes people mad
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
you can argue about the morals of rpf or whatever but fact is that it is extremely fascinating to observe! browsing the rpf section of ao3 like a biologist observes the ecosystem of a pond
#:V#rpf#tell me im not alone in my rpf fascination#its utterly fascinating that essentially any public figure can become the subject of someones tumblr blog#am also fascinated by the blending of parasociality into rpf-esque dynamics and so forth#like at what point do those ''X acting like a goober for 3 minutes straight'' videos become more rpf than real life#this is so interesting to me i hope its interesting to someone else too
1 note
·
View note