#its more a critique on the 3 different people that did message me asking about my new icon out of the blue | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

rawliverandgoronspice · 11 months ago

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hi! firstly, sorry in advance for the long ask. your blog is very thought provoking! secondly, i wanna say i really appreciate all your writing on totk - i’ve kinda deliberately avoided looking at any critiques of the game because, quite frankly, i had a fun time in the moment while playing it and i didn’t want to sully that experience, but your posts have all been quality and have given me a lot to think about with respect to the narrative, its aims, and whether or not “pure, uncomplicated, escapist fiction” is actually a good thing

i digress though - the subject i wanted to ask about, which comes up both in your general “all the consequences were undone and therefore nothing mattered” stance, and more directly in your post about dondons/humanity/morality (specifically the part about “should we trust the bargainer statues that nothing matters? or should we actually care about light vs dark?”) is kind of the age old sentiment that the journey is more important than the destination, and how you think about this in the context of zelda as a narrative, as a defining game in the adventure genre, and now as a landmark in the open world style

in the case of the bargainer statue, i was thrown by you framing “trusting the statues about morality” vs “being moved by the struggle of light against dark” as an either/or - a grimly nihilistic view. in the game (and, i think, in real life), the message is that the ultimate futility of everything does not invalidate the reality of people living their lives in the present, and a positive nihilism challenges us to try and help people and do good in spite of that meaninglessness. this is why the bargainer statues feel so bizarre and un-zelda-like (or at the very least, un-hyrulian. not a bad thing!) - the universe of zelda has always at its core been about how helping other people is a noble endeavor and is its own reward (with gratitude in skyward sword actually manifesting this physically), and the bargainers’ ambivalence flies in the face of this. it’s obvious to us as the player that towns being destroyed and lives being torn apart is objectively bad, even if everyone ends up as a poe in the depths either way, and the bargainers reading as sinister and alien actually reinforces this more than it calls it into question. the quality of the time spent in life matters, even if the ending looks the same

as a game, i think zelda has always been at least as much about the stories and connections you experience on your quest to deal with the big bad as it is about that actual climactic fight. it’s always leaned into the adventure half of “action/adventure,” and in some ways i do think this is what “gameplay before story” originally meant. as you’ve noted, some of the brightest points of totk are the sidequests and characters for whom you can make a small but noticeable difference, and through which you’re driven to interrogate the world and maybe yourself too. and it’s because of these connections that reverting things at the end doesn’t make everything futile and pointless. link is our connection to hyrule, and if the adventure impacted us positively, then we can infer that it impacted link (and to a lesser extent, zelda) positively as well, and that’s worthwhile even if the external circumstances change

a last quick point is that i think the increasingly open world nature of the series also reinforces this - sure you can run naked straight to castle and beat ganondorf without engaging with the game in any way, and you’ll save the day the same as someone who put in 300 hours on the way there, but your takeaway will be completely different, because that journey is the entire point

anyways thanks again for your thoughtful posts and for reading this far if you did!

Heyy thank you so much for perusing my blog and leaving such a thoughtful ask, it's greatly appreciated! <3

That's interesting you took the Dondon post in that way, as it wasn't what I meant at all haha. But I do recognize it was worded in kind of a cryptic way, and left it up to interpretation perhaps a tad too much (see: the limits of subtext), so I can try and make myself a little more clear (and I also think you bring up really good points that completely deserve to be mentioned and that I personally do not mention nearly enough)

What I meant by the "either/or" isn't what we, as an audience should take away as what's important or meaningful, and completely discard the other part as useless. It's not what we experience ingame, and this contradiction is inherently interesting and sparks some degree of conflict (good! storytelling need those and totk is conflict anemic honestly)

What bothered me is that we are prompted, in the game, to see things in an extremely black and white way in spite of an argumentation that maybe, we shouldn't. It's not bad in itself, I even think it's great that we get to question the moral fabric of the world! It's one of the very rare (in my opinion) compelling things about the narrative weaved out for us. But the endgoal of the game still remains the same: find Zelda, and swear yourself/all of your friends to Rauru's ancestral kingdom by using his powers and his guiding hand. Link's role in restoring Hyrule is never even hinted as being a potential question mark, or something we should ponder upon (Twilight Princess did directly question Hyrule in more ways than one, WW is also there, etc). But moreso than in other games in my opinion: we are doing the bidding of a king's territorial war that happened a very long time ago, and the current state of Hyrule doesn't seem to indicate the need for pushing a unified kingdom back onto everybody, or at least it wouldn't be a problem if not for Ganondorf's presence (which in of itself is still arguable as an argument for royal unity, since people would have been willing to band together for the sake of their own communities regardless of whether or not there was a unifying realm --remove the Sage's vow, and I don't believe Link's friends would have let him handle his fight on his own even without having to swear their alliegeance to what is basically a dead kingdom by this point).

My problem isn't the statues; it's that this Light/Darkness framing is only ever questioned when close to them/the Monster Brothers, and the rest of the world is extremely rigid in what is the correct path --but without the added tragic weight that other Zelda games generally have about this aspect (the Sages in OoT being torn from their previous aspect/your own lost childhood, Skyward Sword's Hylia and the way she enacts her plan through people who never had a choice --and that's identified as something bittersweet, not to mention the infamous curse of Demise...)

I do adore what you mention, this sort of "positive nihilism" as a staple of the series. It's never as apparent as in Majora's Mask in my opinion, where getting people comfort and rest is ultimately without consequence as you constantly reset their minds, but it still feels meaningful to have helped. I think BotW did that really well too --where you help people rebuidling life and meaning in the middle of the desolation, making the post-apocalypse hopeful, a place for potential growth and change and resilience and experimentation. In TotK, however, I don't think your efforts are as centered around making sure these people get a future as they were in BotW (except maybe, as you mentioned, in a couple of sidequests --Lurelin's village being one of them, for example). Maybe it's because Ganondorf's threat is not as clear as the Calamity's was, maybe it's because what guides your adventure is to find Zelda first and foremost rather than defeating whatever threatens the peace (treated narratively as a hindrance more than the core problem, even if it is ultimately the core problem --again, the narration/quest design is pretty messy here and it doesn't help matters), or maybe it's because the endgoal is not for people to make their own way into the world, but mostly for the wayward folk of Hyrule to be ushered back onto the glorious trail of Hylian/Zonai's legacy --but to me, the game has a weird agenda regarding Link/the player's role into this world that is generally tangential to his role as a hero and a balancing force in other legends. Here, he starts the game as a knight. His duty is to Zelda, but it ends up overlapping to what Zelda represents in a far more abstract way than usual.

What I think works in TotK in terms of "positive nihilism" is actually Ultrahand, and this gimmick of "world as playground", which I believe is a very clever and engaging way to imagine an open world. There are a ton of little gameplay moments that are yours to shape and inject meaning into; manipulation for the sake of it, the joy of play, and experimentation being rewarded and never punished. To me, this feels the most like inhabiting the world, making it your own, and doing things because they matters to you --and this being enough. But narratively speaking, this is just not really the story being told to us: we are told, us and basically every other NPC, to conform to a plan laid out for us that doesn't ever need to be investigated or questioned --even though now, at crossroad of what the future could look like, would be the perfect moment to do so.

I think what I ultimately tried to point out in that Dondon post is how jarring this hint that, perhaps nothing you do In The Name of Light actually means anything, and this having zero impact on the rigidity of the pupose you are supposed to accomplish In The Name of Light --and the game never seemingly acknowledging that paradox, which made for a (I think, unplanned) pretty oppressive playing experience on my end.

#asks #totk #totk critical #tloz #majora's mask #botw #rauru #thanks for the ask!!#not sure if I actually managed to clarify what I meant haha #I Tried #I do believe Zelda is about the journey yes!#but here the journey is super weird and where it ushers us still feels very off to me #the very fixed destination of an open world presenting itself as uncontroversial when it is so questionable to me (and subtly questioned!)#is mostly where my disconnect comes from morally speaking

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my-strange-attraction · 1 year ago

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Man people really do be straw-manning you and then interpreting all of your arguments in the worst faith possible and acting like that makes them So Smart And Correct. I’m sorry you gotta deal with all these bozos with zero reading comprehension or critical thinking skills. Just wanna add because it’s been seriously bothering me and I don’t remember you ever bringing it up: one of the core tenets of the original op’s post that you responded to was basically ‘this identity is bad because I’m a lesbian and those people aren’t lesbians in the exact same way as me so they’re hurting the lesbian community because I don’t want to see them when they don’t share all of my experiences and (gasp!) talk about men and their relationship to men sometimes because *I* don’t want to hear about men’ and I just. Idk man if that’s what his argument boils down to its kind of a shitty argument. Even ignoring all of the terf rhetoric (which you correctly pointed out) I can’t even begin to understand why someone would want to be in a queer community where everyone fits into neat little boxes and everyone with your label experiences their orientation exactly like you. Aren’t they forgetting that the whole point of the queer community is that larger society attempted to put us in boxes we didn’t want to be in and categorize us into labels and lifestyles we didn’t want? Why would someone ever parrot the actions of our oppressors and do that to other queer people, when they know what it feels like? I can’t even fathom being that selfish and closed minded

>your argument is chock full of straight up lies Love how this was said in response to your rebuttal of an argument that CONTAINED ITS OWN “STRAIGHT UP LIES”!! Like pot meet kettle lol. Specifically referring to that one bit that was like “uwu bi women tried really hard on purpose to distance themselves from the lesbian community” because that is straight up not what happened!! I haven’t said anything yet but it’s been bothering me for a while and that one ask has so much fucking Audacity that I couldn’t stop myself from Pointing It Out this time. Ahistorical bullshit and they’re accusing YOU of lying. The audacity of it all I can’t

Anyway these guys are just mad that bi lesbians get more bitches than they EVER will. I heart bi lesbians I love you bi lesbians I hope y’all stay winning mwah <3

I'm assuming these are all from the same person because of the timing? If not, sorry for not doing separate responses.

Yeah, this whole thing has been pretty frustrating to be honest. In a way it's even worse than actual terfs, because these are people who are philosophically not that different than I am, and if we met in real life we probably wouldn't even know that we disagree. I mean, I do talk sometimes about label anarchy with some of my friends, but we have to be close and you have to get me in a philosophical mood. It's really frustrating to be openly disrespected as a person for one opinion that, though it does happen to be really important to me, doesn't come up in my everyday life (or, likely, theirs either).

The whole pronoun thing really got to me too. I KNOW they were just strawmanning, and I KNOW it wasn't really a valid critique of anything I said, but the suggestion that I would even consider purposely using the wrong pronouns for someone is upsetting. I don't think he even noticed before an anon pointed it out as a way to invalidate my argument. I don't think it upset him (or the anon) as much as the anon said it did. I still apologized though because I'm not going to not apologize for using the wrong pronouns.

Also I know jack shit about history because it doesn't stay in my break but yeah actually I do remember reading about that! That's crazy, I can't believe they called me a liar when they don't know their history. I mean, I don't either, but at least I'm honest about it.

Thanks so much for sending these messages! Not gonna lie, I was going a bit crazy with all this and the only anons I was getting until now have been the hate ones that I've shared and a few hate ones that I just outright deleted. I know people agree with me because I've seen the likes on my posts, but it's nice to have someone defending me as well, so thank you <3

#ask #labels #queer #identity #cloudy rambles

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potteresque-ire · 3 years ago

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This post is Part 5 of the five-part meta series on the Zhang Zhehan (張哲瀚) Incident, based on what has transpired up to 2021/08/22.

1) The 2nd Sino-Japanese War (1937-45) & the Yasukuni Shrine 2) Post-War Sino-Japanese Relations; “Every Chinese should visit the Yasukuni Shrine” 3) The Summer of 2021: The Brewing Storms for One 4) My Thoughts on Zhang’s Incident, Part A 5) My Thoughts on Zhang’s Incident, Part B

5) My Thoughts on Zhang’s Incident, Part B

As a highlight to the mob nature leading to Zhang’s downfall, please consider the timeline immediately before and after Zhang’s losing his endorsements on August 13th (or, why August 13th really mattered):

August 12th, evening: Zhang’s 2019 attendance of a wedding at the Nogi Shrine (乃木神社) went on Weibo hot search, and into public awareness. The Nogi Shrine (乃木神社) is of far less fame than the Yasukuni Shrine, but was named after a Japanese general of the Imperialist Japanese Army who was also the governor-general of then colonial Taiwan.

August 13th, ~ 2 am: netizens uncovered photos of Zhang’s 2018 visit to the Yasukuni Shrine, which were spread onto Weibo and made the hot search.

August 13th, 1:39 pm: Zhang posted his first letter of apology that began with: “Today, I’m ashamed of my once ignorant self, and furthermore, wants to apologise deeply for my past inappropriate behaviour.” (今天我為曾經無知的自己而羞愧，更要對之前不當行為深刻地道歉。)

August 13th, 2 pm: Nabuo Kishi, Japan’s current Minister of Defence, and a right-wing member of the House of Representative, Yasutoshi Nishimura, made an un-announced visit to the Yasukuni Shrine. The date was 2 days earlier than the 76th anniversary of Emperor Hirohito’s surrender speech (August 15th), as customary for Japanese officials to avoid visiting the shrine on significant anniversary dates of the war.

August 13th, 4:39 pm: People’s Daily (人民日報) published an online critique of Zhang’s apology. “… As a public figure, to be so lacking in historical knowledge, so unfeeling towards the suffering of the nation, it’s too inappropriate. On matters of righteousness of the nation, testing is not permissible, challenges are definitely not permissible. If knowingly committed, one would pay a heavy price.” (。。。身為公眾人物，對歷史常識如此匱乏，對民族苦難渾然不覺，太不應該。事關民族大義，不容任何試探，更不容有任何挑戰。若明知故犯，就得付出沈重代價。)

August 13th, 5:05 pm: CCTV News (央視新聞) posted the video of Nabuo Kishi’s visit to the Yasukuni Shrine.

August 13th, 5:33: Zhang was dropped from his first endorsement. He would be dropped by all 27 of them within the next 5 hours.

August 13th, 5:35 pm: Zhang responded to People’s Daily’s critique piece, stating he shall repent and learn his lesson, and that as a Chinese, he loves his country and the CCP.

August 13th, ~6 pm: S. Korean news reported that the Korean Ministry of Foreign Affairs had summoned the Japanese ambassador in Korea to protest the visit of the Japanese Defence Minister to the Yasukuni Shrine.

August 13th, 6:26 pm: CCTV News (央視新聞) critiqued Zhang’s apology. “Whether to take photos in front of the Yasukuni Shrine, or to attend a wedding at the Nogi Shrine, Zhang Zhehan touched the wounds of history, hurt the feelings of the nation. It cannot be blamed on “once ignorance.” Just now, a Japanese Minister went to the Yasukuni Shrine for “demon worshipping” (Pie note: demon, from guizi 鬼子), China firmly opposes to this wrongdoing of Japanese high officials…” (無論在靖國神社前合影，還是到乃木神社參加婚禮，張哲瀚都觸碰了歷史傷痕，傷害了民族感情，不能簡單歸咎為「曾經無知」。就在剛剛，有日本大臣到靖國神社「拜鬼」，中方堅決反對日本政要這種錯誤做法。。。)

August 13th, 9 pm: China’s Ministry of National Defence answered press questions regarding the Yasukuni Shrine visit by Nabuo Kishi and Yasutoshi Nishimura.

Not only did Zhang’s incident happened in August, 2021, it happened on pretty much the worst day for him in August, 2021; the latest of his incident interleaved the unfolding news of the Japanese high officials’ visit to the Yasukuni Shrine.

What I’d like to call attention to, however, is this: Zhang’s endorsements didn’t begin dropping until *after* People’s Daily criticism.

If the companies had been genuinely offended by Zhang’s action, why was the wait necessary? If their Chinese feelings were genuinely hurt, why hadn’t they moved earlier, in the morning of August 13th, when Zhang’s visit went on hot search? Were these companies also ignorant about history, the significance of the the Yasukuni Shrine? The Chinese government has far more important things to worry about than an idol, but what about these companies that had paid good money for their spokesperson? That watch the public opinion, the market carefully?

Even if they didn’t care about the war themselves, why hadn’t they dropped Zhang based on the expected public opinion? What does that say about what these market experts believed, or knew about the public opinion? What does that say about their assessment of whether their potential customers would, as their actual selves, stop spending money on their products because of Zhang’s Yasukuni Shrine visit?

Were the act of dropping Zhang, then, more an act of performative patriotism than anything else? Once the first company started, the rest raced to follow for fear of being the slowest one, viewed as the least patriotic one. Hence, the 5-hour storm of endorsements abandoning Zhang. This herd ... mob behaviour, in which actions were either not taken or all taken at the same time, was also observed in the timing of different online platforms removing Zhang’s works, and fandom content with his name.

A “bingo card” for netizens to cross out Zhang’s endorsements as the sequential drops happened. Similar cards for Kris Wu had circulated in July.

Were WoH and Zhang’s other group projects removed because Zhang was unpatriotic, or was it because the online platforms (and the tech giants behind them) were trying to protect themselves? Youku explained WoH’s first-time removal as a technical glitch but then, as reports of other platforms removing Zhang’s content poured in, the series was removed again.

How much is real when it comes to the thunderous online declarations of love and betrayal against China?

Related to this: turtles may remember the Xinjiang cotton incident in March, 2021, how Chinese netizens harassed anyone who used, endorsed Nike. One may assume, with that outcry, that rage, that anyone with a reputation to keep, with ties to the Chinese state, in particular, have severed their ties with the brand.

As it turns out, the teams of the Chinese Super (Football) League, for example, have kept their Nike kits. The Chinese Football Association (CFA), which, despite being officially non-governmental and nonprofit, is managed by the State General Administration of Sports (國家體育總局), issued a statement on March 27th on Weibo that only criticised Nike’s “wrong actions in choosing its cotton source” (對耐克公司在棉花原料選擇上的錯誤行徑表達了譴責), and reserved “its right to further deal with contract with Nike” (保留進一步處理同耐克合同的權力). It never cut off the contract with Nike: a 10-year sponsorship, signed in 2018, which amounts to 3 million RMB (463,000 USD) in funds from Nike for each football club every year. The CFA statement was later removed from Weibo. Photos of the football players have simply had the Nike Swoosh covered up, or photoshopped away.

Photos from the Shanghai Shenhua football club, with and without the swoosh (Source).

Life is practical in China … and darkly humorous, at times. As a Mao-founded regime should be, perhaps.

I got Asks wondering then: will our non-Zhang-related favourite stars and CPs, dramas and fandoms get affected by the incident?

At the moment, my guess leans towards a no. My basis is this: in the critique piece against Zhang, published on 2021/08/16, by 中纪委 Central Commission for Discipline Inspection—the CCDI, by the way, is the highest anti-corruption, rules and regulations body in China—I believe the reason Zhang was disciplined was clearly stated:

對於所有「拜鬼」行為，中國都堅決反對。但如果我們國內的公眾人物去靖國神社都不被譴責和追究，我們又怎麼挺直腰桿要求外國人不去呢？

“Regarding all “demon worship” behaviour, China holds firm oppositions. But if our own public figures going to the Yasukuni Shrine get no reprimands, no investigations of responsibility, how can we straighten our backs and demand foreigners to not go?”

This has led me to think the state has no ulterior motives in targeting Zhang: Zhang’s “sin” was limited to his visiting the Yasukuni Shrine as a well-known, public figure, and/but that was enough. And the punishment had to be given in a heavy-handed, high profile manner, given the “news “of Zhang’s visit broke out on August 13, 2021. The following observation may be my being over-sensitive, but in the timeline above, Zhang was reprimanded, and his first round of the punishment in full swing (dropping of endorsements), before the China’s Ministry of National Defence talked to the press, which happened later than it had to be (compare the timing with S. Korea’s). Short of removing Zhang’s hot searches—which netizens would’ve noticed—this ordering of events was necessary; otherwise, the Chinese government issuing a formal complaint against Japan for their Minister of Defence’s visit to the shrine would’ve co-existed on the hot search with the report of China’s own celebrity visiting the same place. I therefore believe the state’s reaction had nothing to do with how Zhang achieved his fame, the past and present projects he was involved in, the CPs he was coupled with. Other state agencies and media would likely be careful about not attaching these topics to Zhang’s case as well, so not to distract from the central message of the government that … the Japanese are very bad people in the summer of 2021.

(Whether they’ll attach them to the Clear and Bright campaign is another matter.)

Another Ask ~ Will Zhang be able to make a comeback? In five years? Ten?

Looking that far ahead is difficult, but one thing has to happen for Zhang to return—the Japanese have to stop being very bad people according to the Chinese government, which isn’t likely to happen soon. The Japanese government has shown few signs that they shall soon revise their attitudes towards their World War II history (Yasutoshi Nishimura, who went to the Shrine with Japan’s Minister of Defence on August 13th, is associated with a historical revisionist group), while China’s escalating military aggression in the Indo-Pacific region will be seen as a growing threat to Japan, likely push the country towards the right.

And 5, 10 years later, Zhang will be 35, 40 years old. Even if he’ll be able to work in the industry again, it’ll be difficult for him to achieve the fame he has before. Also, just because the government no longer bans him doesn’t mean production companies will be willing to hire him; he’ll be considered high risk—policies of China are volatile, after all, and the decision to un-ban can be easily reversed.

(I’m so sorry, Anon, I wish I have a better answer for you.)

And... here’s a thought I’ll finally end this meta series with. I don’t see Zhang as the only loser in this incident. I don’t really see any winners in this incident at all. An industry is dangerous for its every worker if its narrative, its list of guilty is penned by cyber mobs and in the name of patriotism; if the accused cannot speak for themselves, aren’t allowed to grow; if its rules of appropriate conduct are every-changing (The Reporter in 2017 = OK; Zhang in 2018 = Not OK); if its workers are penalised not by their own deeds but their associations (the rest of the cast and production team of WoH and other Zhang-associated projects).

The think tank for the National Ratio and Television Authority (國家廣播電視總局; NRTA, ie, the Chinese visual media censorship board), in their criticism piece about Zhang, hinted at even rougher waters ahead, in light of Zhang’s (and Kris Wu’s) transgressions:

明星頻頻「犯事」，說到底還是行業內對明星藝德約束不夠嚴格。據瞭解，電影行業正在籌備全國電影界道德委員會，將對電影從業人員道德規範提出更高要求，並提出，要將明星藝德納入法治化的軌道中來，給明星藝德約束加一道法規之鎖，明確明星的責任和義務，將明星的個人行為與職業利益掛鈎。 “The ultimate cause of stars “getting into trouble” frequently is that the industry has not tied a sufficiently severe bind on the stars’ artistic virtue (Pie note: roughly, = professional ethics). Based on reports, the film industry is preparing a National Film Industry Morality Committee that shall raise the moral requirements for film industry workers. The industry has also suggested that the stars’ artistic virtue shall eventually be governed by laws, to add a lock of legality to the bind of artistic virtues for the stars, to make clear the stars’ responsibilities and obligations, to couple a star’s personal behaviour with their professional (monetary) gains.”

My interpretation of this: should the suggestions become reality, it shall be written in future film contracts that a star who commits an act that the state considers immoral will have to pay the investors the production cost of their projects, and possibly, the projected profit.

To put some dollar signs to this interpretation: a high-profile star may work on one or more projects with a price tag in the order of 100 million RMB (~15 million USD); box office, merchandise sells, and long term profits expected from online streaming can raise that number by several fold. This is a sum that even the most affluent stars will have a difficult time affording—and that’s before considering the endorsements, for which current contracts already require the stars to pay the damages.

The key word here is that the offending act only has to be considered immoral, not criminal. Immoral acts range from not liking the CCP enough—an easy-to-understand offence—to deviation from the society’s 公序良俗 (“public order and fine customs”), which includes just about anything that disagrees with the state-defined mainstream values.

Stars are stars because they invite the imaginations of their audience, because they break boundaries: from the seemingly insurmountable humdrum of daily life, to something that can be much, much more.

Stars should, of course, be law-abiding; they should be patriotic. But a star who’s mainstream in every way? Are they still a star, something we regular people wonder about, dream upon?

Bind and lock, the NRTA think tank referred to these suggestions. It reminders me of a quote by the famous Chinese director, Feng Xiaogang (馮小剛), who, in 2014, complained to BBC—perhaps in a slip of tongue—that Chinese directors could be like “dancing with fetters” (戴著腳鐐去跳舞) when working with the country’s censorship system.

Yeah. It’s kinda like that.

===

The Zhang Zhehan Incident Meta Series:

PART 1 PART 2 PART 3 PART 4 PART 5 <- YOU ARE HERE

#pie metas

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absolutebl · 4 years ago

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This Week in BL

April 2021 Part 4

it’s my birthday week! *raises a glass of pink milk*

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Second Chance Ep 4 - oh noes my babies are all so sad! Teen angst for the win. Tropes included: crying in shower, a very significant hand hold, & striped shirts. (At this point over half the cast has been in stripes.)

Love Machine Ep 1 - not gonna lie, I barely made it through the first half, this is a short run LOW budget experimental web series and it’s not good. Dropped.

Lovely Writer Ep 9 - I like it when LW gets serious because there are fewer dumb sound effects, but oof Aey, poor baby. How many Aeys have I known over the years? Rejected, broken, angry, lonely, and lashing out. On a different note, I haven’t see the “sex drug made us do it” plot device since 1980s Johanna Lindsey. Props to that cocktail rearing its ugly head. (yeh yeh) ZOMBIE TROPE ALERT. (Is this the point where I remind the world at a-play doesn’t have to hurt? Well, it doesn’t! Toys, prep, and lube people. Sheesh.) Anygay, zombie trope is put safely back underground. Please don’t let it rise again? (I KNOW, I’ll stop now.) So this was a rough episode, especially the back end. (Okay now I’ll REALLY stop.) Seriously tho, BL doesn’t do a massive coming out family drama scene often. I liked LW’s handling of this one. Hard to watch but compelling.

Close Friend Ep 1 (OhmFluke) - very cute snapshot into a LTR featuring an overworked music producer and his student BF. That’s the chassis for this whole series, each one has to do with the song & is a portrayal of that song’s message. Essentially, the theme of this one was remembering to make time for your partner. I enjoyed that. OhmFluke gave us easy casual familiar affection and a kiss, but no BL tropes, just romance.

Fish Upon The Sky Ep 3 - Pi is a total spazz & the ghost story bit was... well, it was something wasn’t it? Lots of tropes: fixing his clothes, wound tending, drag baby around, piggyback, head in lap, hand hold, and ending on a drunk kiss. I just noticed Pi uses guu/mueng with Mork, but Mork’s a year older. (So I have a new entry onto the linguistic brats list.) So rude and presumptuous. Also I gotta say this, don’t wear watches when you’re working on a cadaver, mmky boys?

Y-Destiny Ep 4 - look MaxNat have great chemistry, this ep had loads of great tropes (e.g. cheek kiss, rooftop, public claiming via phone), it’s not their fault I’m just not wild about these characters. I do like Nuea’s wanna-be idol wardrobe though. And Sun is sporting the red bag version of Tharn’s black bag that I wanted so bad in TT2. (I wonder if I can score a knock off when I’m over there?) Regardless, I basically grinned all the way through this installment, so that’s another thumbs up from me for Y-Destiny. Who knew I’d come around? Man would I love to see these two get their own series.

Brothers Ep 12 - teacher/student exposed! But the power of boys on phones will overcome all. No KhunKaow for me, so of course I found this ep tragically disappointing.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

HIStory 4: Close To You (Taiwan) Ep 6 - MuRen is officially a yaoi manga character in the flesh. H4′s outright mockery/subversion of tropes “don’t touch him he’s mine,” + “touch my lip & think of kissing” makes the fact that other (way more damaging) tropes are being blithely utilized without critique almost - dare i say it? - insulting. YongJie is trash but I’m the one who feels like trash because I want to forgive him. How aptly abusive & dysfunctional we all are. I don’t know whether to applaud H4 or start drinking. (Maybe this is the show I should invent a cocktail for? Who am I kidding? This is totally a jello shots show.)

Friend or Lover (Taiwan) Ep 2 - I thought this was only a microfilm but turns out it’s a web series. It’s cute. I’m enjoying it.

My Lascivious Boss (Vietnam) Ep 3 - subs take a while to drop but it’s still better than average. I like a secret identity trope, I love a grumpy/sunshine pairing, and the side couple is great but this ep was slow. With only 6 total (I assume) they better get the main couple together next ep or the improved quality of this series will be sacrificed on the alter of pacing issues.

Word of Honor (China) Ep 28-30 - slowed down to focus on bad guys (yawn...ooo Scorpion...yawn again). Then baby gets kidnapped, other baby goes crazy, and old friends turn up. We end on DOOM because mathematically this was an episode 11. All boxes checked.

Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding (Korea) Ep 3-4 - how is this show SO DAMN CUTE & weirdly wholesome at the same time? Another one of those: Will Korea resolve this satisfactorily in 4 short eps? But I seem to say that half way through every Korean BL. These days, I have complete faith. Warm fuzzies for everyone.

Stand Alones

Color Rush movie is the same as the series. There is a stinger at the VERY end (untranslated) but which I’m assuming has something to do with the missing mother. Is this a possible indication of a 2nd season? Hopefully someone will eng sub the stinger and post it out into the universe. So yeah, Color Rush movie = To My Star style, sadly, not Wish You. That said, I did enjoy watching with different subs. The first version I watched was fan subbed, and they were better on English colloquialisms. Viki’s subs are better on Korean colloquialisms.

Breaking News

Bunch of new press on Thailand’s I Told the Sunset About You 2 AKA I Promised You the Moon. Here’s a master post on the subject with all the links you could ever want. It will start airing May 27th 8 pm (Thai time) on LINETV.

New Thai Bl Golden Blood got a teaser trailer. Stars familiar side dish Gun Napat (Techno from LBC) as a rich kid who needs a bodyguard. Yeah, it looks to be the Thai version of Where Your Eyes Linger which is FINE. I love me a bodyguard romance. DO EETTT Thailand. Trailer contains ALL the tropes: dry his hair, piggyback, cooking together, and more, plus good smooches. It looks GREAT. Also cheeper to make then KinPorsche and it might get funded due to of residual enthusiasm. Also GOOD TITLE.

Close Friend got another teaser trailer this one for Talay & Yoon (no subs).

Taiwan has a new BL coming out... eventually. Looks to be a new franchise like the HIStory series with different couple(s) each season. It’s the first Taiwanese BL from a major in-country network. The first installment is titled Be Loved in House: I Do (seriously Taiwan, could we talk about your titles?). It stars a familiar face, Aaron Lai from HIStory: My Hero. It’s a grumpy/tsundere boss/employee office-set BL with some forced proximity to push them together. (Nods to Japan.) No release date, but (unlike Thailand) Taiwan usually doesn’t make announcements without content & serious intent.

Gossip

Taiwanese BL NOVEL Miracle dropped a trailer, no subs or translation. According to YouTube comments it was supposed to be part of HIStory3 but MODC took on its slot. Still it’s kinda fun to see what might have been.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Some shows may be listed later than actual air date for International accessibility reasons.

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

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dukeofonions · 4 years ago

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The Problem With Asides

Before I get into anything I want to clarify that this is not going to be a criticism of the two Asides episodes we’ve gotten so far. This is a critique of the concept of Sanders Asides as a separate series from the original Sanders Sides. A second note I want to make is that this is, just as all my other posts are, a personal opinion. This is not meant to be an attack on anyone, just a general criticism from a confused writer and viewer of the show.

And final disclaimer: A lot of what I’m going to say is based on information that I no longer have available. It’ll mostly be me recalling things I heard and if I at any point get something wrong please feel free to let me know.

That being said, let’s get into this, shall we?

(Fair warning this post is very long hence why I’ve divided it into parts so feel free to read then come back as you wish)

Part One: The Concept of Asides

Some time ago last year, I believe shortly after Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts came out, was when the idea for Sanders Asides was first announced. The basic concept of it being shorter, more lighthearted videos focusing on the Sides outside of the main storyline. This format would allow them to give us more Sides content in between the long waits for the main series since those episodes were beginning to take more time to produce.

Of course, everyone was eager for more Sides, so the majority of people were excited. Not only that but due to the main series tackling heavier themes, the episodes were becoming more angsty with less time for the characters to just relax and goof off with each other. The idea of having episodes reminiscent of the low stakes, sillier, happier content of season one was a welcome break from the more complex episodes and would be a nice return to form for the series.

We were also informed that these episodes would be much simpler than their main series counterparts and wouldn’t disrupt the work being done on Sanders Sides, which meant we didn’t have to worry about long gaps between the main story episodes, right?

(Another disclaimer: I am perfectly aware of the main reason why we were not given as much content last year and am not blaming Thomas or the team for doing what was necessary to keep themselves safe and hope they continue to do so as this continues into the new year)

Jump to November 22, 2019, where we got our first official episode of Sanders Asides, roughly five months after DWIT came out. Which, for this fandom, was record time to get more content and I was pleasantly surprised by how quickly they were able to get this out. Though at the same time, I wondered why it took five months to make what was meant to be a short, simple episode.

So imagine my surprise when I went to watch the episode and saw it was nearly 20 minutes long. Which, okay, isn’t that bad when you compare it to the lengths of the more recent Sanders Sides episodes. But at the time, I was under the impression that the Asides would be, well, much shorter. The longest I expected would be maybe 15 minutes, but you know what? It’s the first episode and it has been a while since we’ve had Sides content, so maybe they wanted to give us a little extra due to the long wait.

I started the episode and at first, I was overjoyed when I saw the first shot of all the Sides sitting in the living room in their onesies about to have a movie night. This was exactly what I’d been hoping to see from this series! It’s pretty much a staple thing in the fandom for the Sides to have movie nights together, and now it was happening in canon!

At the moment, I had high hopes for this series and was filled with joy.

Then that hope and joy were immediately crushed when I realized this was yet just another Virgil-centric angst episode. In fact, this entire episode was, well, exactly like a regular Sanders Sides episode. Sure, there were some jokes here and there, but the tone of the episode was no lighter than the last Sanders Sides episode. If anything DWIT felt lighter in comparison to this one.

Which leads me to ask, what the heck happened?

Part Two: Literally the Same Show

At this point in time, we’ve only had two episodes of Asides. Usually, I try to hold off my judgment of a series until I’ve had at least one other episode to see if my original criticisms still stand.

To be fair, I did think Flirting With Social Anxiety was a step in the right direction. More comedy, a lighter tone, yes. Perfect. But again, just like with Are There Healthy Distractions? This episode quickly dove right back into the angst pool, and just like ATHD it was a pretty long episode, clocking in at almost 25 minutes.

Not only that but again, both FWSA and ATHD don’t feel any different from the episodes we’ve been getting in Sanders Sides.

1. They’re just as angsty.

2. Roughly the same length as Sanders Sides episodes.

3. Take about just as long to produce.

4. Contain a lesson to be learned.

Which, okay, you can have lessons in lighter shows too, but we’re already getting that in Sanders Sides and Sanders Asides was described as, well, being less plot heavy. Yet so far both episodes are still tied in with the main plot.

ATHD deals with the aftermath of DWIT, not directly but it’s pretty obvious that the whole thing with Virgil’s reveal at the end of that episode is being addressed in the background. Which, kind of takes away the impact of that ending, but I’ll get to that later.

Then FWSA takes place after Putting Others First and again, is dealing with things from that episode in the background. Again though, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It makes sense to see the characters dealing with things from past events.

So why is it a problem here? Because, again, Sanders Asides is meant to be a separate series, and all the subtext brought on from the episodes in Sanders Sides makes the plots in these two episodes confusing.

For example, I was perplexed during my first watch of FWSA because I couldn’t understand why the focus of the conflict was lying. I didn’t understand why Virgil and Roman came to the conclusion that Thomas’ reason for being unable to approach Nico was because he was lying to himself, when both the title of the episode and what we were shown points more to, well, social anxiety being the problem.

(Quick note: One could argue that this was done purposefully to have Virgil putting the blame on Janus since he doesn’t like him and wouldn’t want to admit that he was the one responsible, but this series has had a bad habit of favoring Virgil in the past so until we get more answers I’m gonna leave this on the backburner)

It didn’t help that I had no idea when this episode was meant to take place in the timeline, and I originally thought it could take place a bit after season two since Roman and Virgil seemed to be doing better, but more on them later.

All of this bugged me until I found out that FWSA takes place after POF, and after watching the live stream that followed and getting some more context, the lying thing made a bit more sense, but the fact that I was as confused as I was just caused more frustration to build up. And I wasn’t the only one who got thrown off by the “Lying is wrong” message of FWSA so I had to ask again, why was this episode a Sanders Asides when apparently, you need information from the last Sanders Sides episode in order to understand it?

So you’re telling me, that the second episode in what is supposed to be a separate series that isn’t meant to be a part of the main plot, is now integral to the plot of the main story you’re telling in what is, as you have said, a separate show? How does that make any sense?

Okay, one could argue that Thomas getting a love interest doesn’t really fit with the current storyline that’s going on in Sanders Sides, and that is a fair point. The problem with that is, FWSA takes place right after Putting Others First.

You all remember what happened at the end of that episode, right?

Part Three: Intrusive Plots

At this point we’ve all become rather accustomed to the long waits in between videos, it’s nothing new to us, and for the most part they haven’t done anything to harm the current plot of Sanders Sides. Sure, the length of time between videos can cause people to lose interest, but for the most part the tone of the last three episodes of Sanders Sides hasn’t differed much and the story flow is still going along smoothly.

Let’s start with Selfishness vs Selflessness, which is the episode that sets up the big climax for season two. It’s still got its jokes and funny moments, but the overall tone is far more serious than previous episodes have been. This carries on into DWIT where Thomas has been so stressed out lately that he’s begun to have trouble with his intrusive thoughts.

Virgil even gives a pretty good summary of Thomas’ current mental state: “He recently realized he’s a bigger liar than he thought he was, he doesn’t understand himself, he’s committed to skipping a big callback, and he’s sleep-deprived. So yeah, he feels like a piece of dirt who has no control over his life.”

And all that was a direct result of the ending of SVS, despite DWIT not being the direct follow up to that episode the two are still intertwined. Remember that for later.

DWIT ends with the long awaited reveal of Virgil having been a “Dark Side.” Even though the majority of the fandom had figured it out by as early as Can Lying Be Good? That didn’t take away from the emotional gut punch that this scene was and it’s one of my favorite moments from the series. I may have to make a whole post breaking that scene down but what matters is that this scene was a turning point for Virgil’s character.

We’ve seen him trying to hide the truth from Thomas ever since Janus and Remus started popping up, and there were close calls with both of them nearly revealing it themselves and continuously dropping hints to Thomas. Only for Virgil to admit it to Thomas himself, and leave before Thomas can even say a word.

We don’t know for sure how Thomas is feeling in this moment, but it’s clear he’s been shaken by this. He doesn’t really have a lot of time to process it before he remembers to acknowledge the audience and close out the video.

This comes up again once we finally get to the monster of an episode that is POF, the follow up to SVS that everyone had been waiting over a year for. Right away we see that Patton and Roman will be at the forefront of this discussion with Logan popping up every now and then, but who doesn’t show up in this episode despite having played a role in SVS?

Virgil.

He’s nowhere to be seen and his absence is definitely felt. Why wouldn’t he be part of this discussion? He was there in SVS and had a lot to say on the matter, he was even part of the decision to choose the wedding over the callback! So why wasn’t he there?

Well, just look at the ending of DWIT and there’s your answer. Of course he isn’t about to show his face after that. Not when Thomas is already under so much stress already and he isn’t sure how Thomas will react to seeing him-

*insert random voice whispering off to the side*

Wait, Virgil has seen Thomas since DWIT? When?

*whispers continue*

Oh, right, they interacted in Sanders Asides. How did that go again?

*whispers explain*

Huh? Thomas said he’s cool with Virgil despite revealing that he’s been hiding something from him this whole time? That “something” being the fact that Virgil was once considered part of the others that were currently making Thomas’ life miserable?

*whispers confirm*

Really? They’re both okay with each other now? Well, good for them.

So wait, then why didn’t Virgil show up in POF? He was there during the first discussion and honestly he’d have more of a reason to show up than Logan who wasn’t really present at all in SVS.

*whispers explain*

He just wasn’t need there? Hm, alright. Guess that makes sense…

Well okay, Virgil and Thomas are on good terms once POF rolls around, Virgil isn’t present during the conversation because he isn’t needed and I suppose his presence would make things worse. Especially once Janus revealed himself, he wouldn’t allow him to get a word in. Even though Janus could probably silence him but I digress.

Fast forward towards the ending of POF, remember when I said to remember how SVS and DWIT were connected? Well DWIT is just as important to POF, acting as a bit of bridge between to the two episodes.

Janus brings up Remus (both directly and indirectly) twice in this episode.

First here:

Notice how Roman’s breakdown is already being foreshadowed here, the camera focusing on him while “Logan” says this isn’t an accident.

The second time Remus is brought up is at the very end after Janus has revealed his name:

“Oh, Roman thank God you don’t have a mustache. Otherwise between you and Remus, I wouldn’t know who the evil twin is.”

(No I am not posting screenshots of this scene I already got emotional over the last one)

As we saw at the end of DWIT, Roman does not have a good relationship with is brother. So much so that when Thomas refers to Remus as such, Roman creates a different analogy that compares Remus to a mirror, reflecting everything Roman doesn’t want to be.

Roman desperately wants to distance himself from Remus, not wanting anything to do with him. We’ve only gotten a glimpse of just how far this loathing goes, and part of that comes from Roman finally breaking down after being told by Janus that if it wasn’t for a mustache there’d be no difference between him and Remus.

This shook Roman more than anything else in the show has so far, moreso than him being the one to decide that Thomas should give up the callback. He was the one that pushed Thomas to make that decision, believing it was the noble thing to do, only for it to only make Thomas feel worse and then be told by Janus that his “noble sacrifice” was all for nothing.

Janus, the one who had been supporting Roman throughout SVS, buttering him up and encouraging him to go after his dream, told him that his sacrifice was worthless. Then to top it all off Janus admits what he did and brushes it off as a joke. He doesn’t apologize to Roman, leaving him in the dust, then when Roman responds by laughing at his name he’s shot down even lower.

And when he looks to Thomas and Patton for help, for answers, anything.

They stay silent.

Patton tries to reassure him, telling Roman that they love him, but he doesn’t believe it. He sinks out, and that’s the last we see of him.

Selfishness vs Selflessness, Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts, and Putting Others First are three of the biggest (and dare I say most important) episodes in the series. The three almost act like a trilogy, with POF leading to something bigger, the season finale. Which will be culmination of all three of these episodes.

We’ll be seeing Virgil’s reaction to Janus having been accepted by Patton and facing his own past as a “Dark Side.” Then we’ll find out what has become of Roman after he disappeared at the end of POF, and how it now affects his relationship with Thomas.

*whispers return and begin to whisper*

I’m sorry what?

*whispers repeat*

Virgil already knows about Janus getting somewhat accepted? Well okay I guess he would, wish we could have seen his reaction to that but oh well, no big deal. At least we got the Roman and Thomas confrontation to look forward to.

*whispers whisper*

Roman has already interacted with Thomas since POF? When?!

*whisper*

In FWSA? Oh yeah, how did that go again? It was super awkward right? Since Roman doesn’t really trust that Thomas loves or values him?

*whisperly whisper*

They get along just fine as if nothing happened?

*whispersty*

It looks like he might still be upset with him since he’s being a bit passive aggressive?

*whisper*

Can’t really tell because the three are too busy trying to talk to a cute guy at the mall?

Okay, I guess that all makes sense…

Looks like Roman and Virgil still aren’t on the best terms with Thomas but are able to push that aside to help him talk to this handsome stranger, and hey, it worked! Thomas now has a boyfriend! Just look at Roman and Virgil at the end, they’re both so happy with Thomas!

Looks like now they can focus on this new chapter in their life and leave the events of POF behind them. I mean, now that Roman and Virgil seem pretty cool with Thomas it would just feel weird to suddenly have them angry with him again, wouldn’t it?

Part Four: The Problem

Sanders Asides was originally described as being a series separate from the main storyline of Sanders Sides. Promising us shorter, less complicated episodes to give us a little something in between the longer, heavier episodes in Sanders Sides. This was a great idea that ended up falling apart the moment it began.

When I was going through SVS, DWIT, and POF I mentioned that the three of them felt like a trilogy. All three of them link together to tell one bigger story, and on their own they get the job done. They set up the season finale perfectly to the point where you have an idea of what to expect and what to look forward to.

The main things being the aftermath of Virgil’s reveal and Roman’s breakdown, which would most likely cultivate in them teaming up against Janus. This would also involve Virgil coming to terms with his past and Roman having to face Remus.

Of course, none of this has been officially confirmed, but given everything we’ve seen up to this point it just makes sense.

The story for season two is nearly complete, all we’re missing is the conclusion.

Then Sanders Asides showed up and threw everything off course. What was supposed to be its own thing crept into a story that was already (for all we knew) set up and being put into place.

We were told that the Asides wouldn’t do anything to disrupt the flow of Sanders Sides, yet it’s been confirmed that there will be one or two more episodes of Asides before we get the season finale.

Why? Why are these episodes necessary when everything was set to move forward after POF? If these episodes are that important that they absolutely have to be made before the finale then why are they simply not part of the main series?

You could say “Well they’re not directly tied to the main plot, that’s why.” But need I remind you that Asides as a concept was just intriduced after DWIT came out? These episodes were written specifcally for Asides, which unless I’m wrong means that they were just added into the main story with no planning whatsoever.

FWSA honestly feels like it should have been the start of season three, something that should have waited to be introduced after season two wrapped up because it’s just too much.

We already have so much to unpack from SVS, DWIT, and POF now we also have a new love interest on top of that?

Virgil and Thomas’ resolution doesn’t even feel all that special because it wasn’t talked about directly between them. Thomas was indirectly letting Virgil know they were still okay, so what does that leave for us? All that build up about Virgil being a “Dark Side” only for it to be brushed over like it was nothing, and this happened in an Asides episode, not even in the main series.

It also makes Virgil’s absence in POF confusing when they had already set up the perfect reason for him to be absent in DWIT, but according to the first episode of ATHD Virgil and Thomas are okay with each other. Sure, Virgil being there might have made things worse but at that point everyone was making things worse.

We no longer have a confrontation between Thomas and Roman to look forward to because in FWSA we see them interacting as normal. Even the passive agressiveness isn’t anything new to Roman and really, it all just sounds super petty which he had been known to behave like that even when nothing is seriously wrong. Not only that Roman is overjoyed at the end, having finally gotten something he desperately wanted, the happy ending he deserved.

All that’s left for him is to fave his feelings towards Remus, but what would even happen there?

The problem with Asides isn’t the quality of the episodes, FWSA is actually one of my favorite episodes. The problem with Asides is that the team is taking what should have been something small and turning it into a far too elaborate for what its original purpose was: To give us more lighthearted content to enjoy in between the waits for the heavier episodes.

Instead it just feels like they’re adding onto something that really didn’t need adding on to, creating more work for themselves when it just isn’t necessary, and that worries me.

Final Thoughts

Honestly, it’s hard for me to make all these judgments when no one has any idea what the finale is going to be like. And usually, the team is able to excede my expectations and create something amazing.

But with all these new Asides episodes that feel like they’re just being crammed in at the last second, it makes me wonder how the rest of the series will go if they continue down this road.

Season two started September 1st, 2017, it is now January 3rd, 2021. Throughout season two the production of episodes became more elaborate, and there have been complications that arose from trying to make these videos as a result that sent production screeching to a halt. And on top of that, these Sanders Asides have been added to create even more work for Thomas and the team.

I don’t understand why they’d do this to themselves when it’s already become more difficult than ever to make videos in general, not just Sanders Sides.

We were offered something simple that would have satisfied everyone during the difficult times, only to be given something that honestly, wasn’t even needed. I do appreciate Thomas trying to get us more content, but I don’t think he or the team realizes just how content we’d all be with just a five minute video of the characters we love just doing something as simple as hanging out and having fun, especially with how dark things have become all around us.

We don’t always have to be watching these characters struggle, sometimes we just need to see them be genuinely happy.

(Thanks to everyone who took time to read this monster of a post, I did not mean for it to get this long but it’s been dwelling on my mind for a while and I wanted to make sure I got out everything I wanted to say. Again, this is all just a personal opinions and you are not obligated to agree with me. If you have an objecting opinion I would not mind hearing it but please keep any discussions civil.)

#dukeofcritical #sanders sides #ts criticism #sanders sides criticism #patton sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders #logan sanders #long post

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thealexchen · 4 years ago

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One Year On: Life is Strange 2 Critique

December 3rd, 2020 marks a year since Life is Strange 2 ended. I was inspired by @smitethepatriarchy‘s text posts (here, but there are several other answered asks worth reading) and @suhaplays’s text post (here) criticizing Life is Strange 2 to write a critique about how Life is Strange 2 handled certain themes and social issues.

(tw: gun violence, police brutality, animal death, incarceration, racism. In this essay, I use the word “queer” in a reclaimed sense, as a queer person myself. Of course, spoiler warning for all five episodes of Life is Strange 1 and 2).

A year on, my feelings about this game have soured... a lot. When the game was first announced, I was overjoyed that our new protagonists would be two Latino boys. Finally, we would have a culturally meaningful, groundbreaking video game with people of color and their experiences at the forefront!

Then the game was met with immediate backlash and I utterly exhausted myself defending it for weeks on Reddit and Tumblr. Throughout 2019, as the episodes came out I became increasingly disillusioned, frustrated, and disappointed with where the story was going. I couldn’t figure out why I felt so damn miserable while playing this game.

Then in the summer of 2020, when Tell Me Why began rolling out pre-release material, I noticed that they posted a Q&A about transphobia, gave content warnings, and discussed at length about their collaboration with GLAAD, Checkpoint, and the Huna Heritage Foundation to make the game with sensitivity and proper research. I cannot speak for trans and gender non-conforming people on whether Dontnod succeeded at doing so with Tell Me Why. But Life is Strange 2 did… none of that.

Essentially, I realized that the reason why I was so frustrated with LiS2 is because it focuses way too heavily on a trauma narrative. This comes off as insensitive to players of color without any content warnings or extensive research.

Sean didn’t have to get kidnapped, kicked in the face, and called a racial slur by a gas station owner. Daniel did not need to watch his puppy get mauled by a mountain lion for the sake of a “difficult choice.” Sean didn’t have to lose his eye for the sake of heightened drama. Sean didn’t need to get called a racial slur and humiliated by his native language/beaten in the desert for refusing to sing. Daniel didn’t need to get shot— twice. Hell, all of “Faith” probably could’ve been cut— how is a church cult that brainwashes Daniel and beats Sean half to death relevant at all to the story?

Even if not all of the game’s violence was racially motivated, the consistent trauma that Sean and Daniel endure does not make for positive representation— or even good characterization. There is a difference between sympathetic characters and well-written characters, and trauma does not make Sean and Daniel any more complex or likable-- just more fucking traumatized.

LiS2 is more grounded in reality, but that also makes plot holes that much harder to excuse (Daniel’s powers being spotted, most of the Parting Ways ending, Sean’s prison sentence). But most of all, it grounds all of Sean and Daniel’s pain and trauma in reality.

There is no magicking away a town-destroying storm with time travel. Sean can’t keep his dad alive by ripping up a Polaroid. After Max unlocked her powers, she was still a Blackwell student, reconnecting with Chloe, taking photos, saving lives, and uncovering a murder mystery. After Daniel unlocked his powers, the Diaz brothers lost everything.

The game never lets you forget that Sean and Daniel are homeless, wanted, constantly in danger, and that they are never getting their old lives back. It permeates the entire game, and for players of color, just reinforces a sad, miserable, grim reality about living in the United States. It is, as @smitethepatriarchy said, potentially triggering for players of color, and it is certainly not something I needed to be reminded of.

And the representation of POC? It feels shallow and ill-researched. It would only take a Google search to find out that Dia de Muertos (a holiday to honor the dead, no less) was from October 31 to November 2 in 2016, the year the game takes place, but Daniel only talks about Halloween in episode 1. Sean and Daniel never discuss any Mexican customs, foods, or holidays. Sean doesn’t speak Spanish with his immigrant father, only during a scene when he’s traumatized (again!) by two racists, and again when talking to Mexican immigrants— in jail. Daniel doesn’t speak Spanish at all. Most of their allies throughout the game are white, including Finn and Cassidy, who appropriate Black culture with their dreadlocks.

So what’s left? Sean and Daniel’s existence as people of color is, at worst, just a narrative prop to justify everything that happens to them. They are people of color on the surface only. In a meta-sense, the game only considers the color of their skin and their last names as what is narratively important… yikes.

I don’t have anything against people who genuinely loved the game and were moved by its messages and story. But I can’t help but feel bitter that white players have the luxury of only thinking of this game as a work of fiction and not feeling any personal reliability to Sean and Daniel’s racialized trauma.

I don’t regret playing LiS2, but I do regret all the time and energy I spent defending it in the beginning. I understand now that I shouldn’t let people’s opinions get to me, nor should I feel obligated to like or defend a game for its attempts at representation. But now, I think I understand how queer fans must have felt in late 2015 when Polarized released. After following the game for 10 months, to see that Chloe’s ultimate destiny was to die and Pricefield is another ship plagued by the Bury Your Gays trope (in the ending that the devs clearly put more work into) must have been just as disillusioning and infuriating. I understand why some fans were so quick to unfollow LiS or develop mixed feelings about the series, because that’s how I feel too after following LiS2’s development from September 2018 to December 2019.

Before I end, I will admit that Life is Strange 2 arrived at a time when I needed it. I still stand by my belief that DN did a great job characterizing Sean, Daniel, and Chris without toxic masculinity, which is the best thing they could’ve done for a male-focused follow-up to a game about queer women. I love that Sean is still a canonically bisexual man of color in a major video game and that DN didn’t forget their queer audience. I love the world and characters that DN built, but I still prefer AU fanfictions of their normal lives, without all that trauma.

So, I will continue to treasure Lyla and her 10 minutes of screentime (aka the only shred of Asian American representation I can get from this series). I still reblog LiS2 fanart to support the artists. I still support Dontnod, because as Tell Me Why has shown, they are capable of researching and writing stories with more sensitivity. And let’s be honest-- I’m still gonna be hella excited if Life is Strange 3 is announced.

But so many aspects of Life is Strange 2 were bungled that it came off as a remarkably average and forgettable experience. A year on, I don’t hate Life is Strange 2, but I am writing this to move on from it.

Thank you for reading.

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otterskin · 3 years ago

Text

I didn't like the LOKI show, no matter how hard I try, and it's messing with me.

My mother died at the end of December. A lot of other bad things happened as well, like the severe brain injury of my father.

I didn't cry. There was so much to do. I did it. And even then, when there was nothing left to do, I didn't cry.

I found distractions.

Today I went to see the Green Knight after a tough week at a new job that had me leave my father in another province even though he still needs help. I was trying to get back to the life I'd dropped.

I loved the Green Knight. The Arthurian Legends are as dear to me as Norse Mythology, and my copy of them had the Green Knight on the cover. The film was truly excellent, evoking the feel of the story whole still doing something unique and very A24. I cried at one point, like I did when watching the first THOR, because of how much it meant to see something I'd loved since the very first years of my existence finally make it to the big screen and be...right. It's own thing, it's own artistic product, but right.

Then I opened a tab in a browser and saw I had some messages on a website I comment on. It was just some minor criticism of the LOKI show I'd posted beneath an article and how it handled certain things.

I was downvoted. Berated. Hated. Lumped in the ad hominem twitter users who attacked the director and writer (I'd never, ever!) Told I was biphobic because I wanted to see more of a queer lens (I even addressed how difficult it is for bi people in queer cinema and society in general in my criticisms of the romance, but even that wasn't good enough - just disliking it was 'bad'.) I was told I just wanted my 'fanfic' made (I never made any laundrylist of plot points I demanded). I was accused of being a begrudged shipper (ha! If anything I'm an anti-shipper). I was told that I should love the show, it was awesome, and I was bad for not thinking so.

And I started to cry.

I don't cry. Only at movies. Not at real life. I didn't cry at my grandparents's funerals, I didn't cry when I was left with the body of my mother in the hospital room and my brother cried on my shoulder. I didn't cry when working through my dad's severe new disabilities as I realized how much he had lost. I didn't cry while realizing how messy my parents' finances were. I didn't cry when my mother's friends called me in the middle of the night and cried into the phone. I didn't cry when saying goodbye to my dog and going back to a rundown apartment with a terrible smell so I could go to work in a dark room for hours at a time.

But now I'm crying and writing this.

I've realized why. During everything, I looked forward to the LOKI show. The first THOR is deeply nostalgic to me and I watched it often in my first year of Uni when I was away from home. It tied in thematically to what I was going for. Thor 2 came out before I went on exchange, and while I disliked it overall, talking about it was a welcome distraction from my anxieties. Thor 3 was nerve-wracking, but it also came out during my first major job which I was struggling with, and I saw it so many times in theatres...it was such a huge comfort.

Looking forward to LOKI wasn't just a distraction. It was like a promise. A promise that I'd make it till then and see it and maybe it'd give me some comfort.

That's on me. That's a personal thing. It's an unreasonable expectation.

But I needed it, all the same.

Then it came out.

I tried. I really tried to like it, to forgive it, but the problems are things I've criticized for too long in so many other things. I always try to be respectful about, I never go ad hominem and attack the creators, only critique their work and I always mentioned what I liked but...

I didn't like it.

I have no urge to rewatch it.

And the Green Knight...the Green Knight was everything I wanted and needed it to be. It didn't let me down, though I've been anticipating it about as long as the LOKI show. They're very different, obviously, but in my heart they share the same compartment.

And after a very trying day...I realized how badly I needed to rewatch a Loki show I liked. But I can't even enjoy THOR or Thor:Ragnarok anymore. It's like everything I did like has been poisoned.

This thing that got me through immense pain is causing me pain. I don't want to be toxic. I'm sure it's in me. I try so hard not to wallow in disappointment, but to not even be allowed to talk about my problems without being lumped in with abusive online monsters...

I can't do it. I just can't.

This is supposed to be an escape, not another trial.

I needed the LOKI show to be good, so I could come out of the dark into the light, or at least walk through the night with a lantern ahead of me. And instead it was just more darkness, and it's not even entirely its own fault. It's the online discourse. It's the uncalled for harassment of Herron and Waldron. It's the taunting jabs at people who didn't have a good time as if we're all jerks. It's having people roll their eyes when you point out things that made you uncomfortable in the story, it's feeling slightly gaslit when you find something gross that the story intended to be gross and then being told it's not gross, actually.

I'm sorry. I don't want to cause pain. I just...

I needed it to be good. And unlike Thor 3, which delivered me respite in a dark time...it let me down. Worse, it's hurt me.

I said I don't cry, only at the movies. Something about them lets me cry in a way nothing else does. I can't cry at a funeral, but I can cry in a movie theatre at the drop of a hat. It's a release valve, a way for me to process things.

I think I was waiting for LOKI to give me permission to cry. To give me something that could release this pain in me. And instead, it just gave me more.

I never should have given it that power. I didn't want to. But I had to, to get through this.

I'm putting away the few THOR pieces of tat I have. I feel foolish. I always knew it was a capitalist piece of art, chucked from creator to creator with no creative shepherd, which in itself was stressful.

The fandom is no sanctuary for me either, since I'm primarily interested in the family dynamics and I'm sick of 'Odin is an ABUSIVE MONSTER' stories or even unrelated fics and posts just dropping in hate for him that's not at all canon but seems to be very popular to the point where people think it is. Especially since I often read these stories when I need to think of home and my father. Or, most pleasantly of all, when I get called an abuser or abuser-enabler because I say I like Odin as a character. I also can't really bear to deal with anything to do with Sylvie, whom I had high hopes for as someone who wants more female tricksters, but instead I got this...this Mary Sue that's very hard to criticize without being yelled at. I swear I'm coming at her writing as a feminist and I don't hate anyone, I don't, I just...sigh. She's just personally frustrating to me and not being able to discuss it without being called names sucks.

Not to mention I'm asexual, and I always struggle with romance in media being pushed as the 'ultimate relationship more important than any other'. Part of the reason I liked THOR so much was that romance was not the main feature of THOR and definitely not THOR 3 (while my disliked Dark World was all about it, and so is LOKI). And when I criticize the romance, I get called a prude (guilty, I guess), a troll, or, my favourite, just 'a hater'.

I don't want to hate. Who wants that poison in their veins? I'm here because the Thor series HELPED me because I LOVED it. And now I look at the things I used to love and I...don't, anymore.

So much is asked of me right now. I can't willingly invite this painful thing to sit on my chest as well, especially since the world is already shoving it into my face without my doing anything, in ads, in news, in everything.

I suppose that's why I've leaned even more into Odin lately. He was untouched by the LOKI series (though not the Simpson special, which worries me). He's a trickster, he's queer, he's nuanced, he's 'misunderstood' (that old cliche, but he's misunderstood and misrepresented by the people always yelling about how this or that character is misunderstood, which amuses me, except when it gets to me), and he's in many ways free to make my own.

I still have some stuff I'm going to publish that's practically finished. Finnesang has a lot more written for it but needs some major sit-down time for re-writes and edits. Lokabrenna is practically done, just needs tweaks and Beta. I'll be here a little longer.

But I think I'm going to have to step back for now and put my passions into other things.

I will be back. After all, after Thor 2 came Thor 3. Maybe Love and Thunder will right the ship and Thor can still be awesome, and maybe eventually a creative I love will come to work on the franchise. Really, that's the key for me - I loved Branagh before THOR, and loved Waititi before Thor, and disliked Waldron's work (though I gave him every benefit of the doubt and hoped and prayed to be wrong - sadly, it was what I expected.)

But...if LOKI season 2 is more of this, more romantic tropes I hate and Loki being an afterthought in his own show and his family being devalued for new characters...I can't do it. I can't watch something I used to love just throw that all away for something I dislike.

My tears are finally drying. I wrote a lot of this while the screen was blurry, so I hope there's no grammar or typo too embarrasing. I'm not sure I have the strength to re-read it. Sorry for the rant. It helped me feel better.

Thank you all. I hope I feel differently someday.

#loki show #loki 2021 #meta #loki thoughts #personal #update

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crystalas · 3 years ago

Text

It’s only a matter of time part 3

wherein MK and Redson are still trapped training under Macaque and are given a chance to send a message home

Chapter 3: Training daze

Supper time came around after what felt like an eternity of silence between the two, Red Son would not move from his corner despite MK’s many attempts to get him to at least turn around and talk to him. The only way he knew Red Son was even alive was the fact that his tail would swish the floor occasionally. The shadow clone brought in the food bowls and place them on the floor taking away the empty ones. Only then did Red Son move and without looking at MK or even acknowledge him even being there and went to grab his bowl and dragged it back into his corner with his back to MK and began to eat quietly.

MK looked down at his food bowl and began to nibble at his meal, the silence felt horrible he wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words. What the hell do you say to someone being forced to eat well…people? Where was Macaque even finding all these bodies? Was he raiding a morgue? Killing people in the street? Did he have a farm or knew someone with a human farm? Red Son had said that demons eat people quite regularly and he was considered the ‘weird one’ for not wanting to.

All these thoughts rattled in MK’s head he desperately wanted to talk to Red Son to fill the silence, to get these horrid thoughts out into the air so they wouldn’t be piling up in his head and snow balling into worse ones.

What does human even taste like? Do they range in flavour? Are they like bananas where the flavour and texture changes as they get older?

NO! the thought train has to stop there before he feels compelled to try a bit for his curiosity especially when he had nothing to distract himself from it.

MK realised he had eaten through his entire bowl except for his bugs. He glanced back at Red Son and noticed that his hair was slowly returning back to its former colour instead of dark ash grey it was now dark red at the roots, but his demonic appearance was yet unchanged.

“Your hair is changing back” MK said softly, Red Son’s ears flicked a bit.

“Soooo… this is what you really look like?” he continued as he tried to get anything out of the demon prince, this merely received a tail twitch.

“Looks cool I mean I always thought it was weird that you didn’t look anything like your dad, but I guess it makes sense now.”

Another flicking of the ears and a swish from the tail.

“But why hide it? I mean if you were trying to blend into human society you wouldn’t throw your fire around like you do so…”

“Noodle boy?”

“Yes?” MK chirped elated he finally got something out of his cell mate.

“Please shut up, as it has obviously escaped your notice, I find these topics of discussion… annoying.” Red Son hissed, “I understand that we need to work together and keep each other alive and while I appreciate your attempts of…” he stopped for a minute as if he struggled to find the right words but gave up trying. “I would prefer if we…we…didn’t talk about it.”

MK looked down at his bowl and saw the revolting grubs that laid there, he gave a determined sigh and got up to plop himself down next to Red Son who just glared at him. MK looked him in the eyes grabbed the bugs and shoved them in his mouth, gagging slightly as the grubs crunched and popped in his mouth before swallowing them. It took him a whole two minutes not to gag but he kept them down none the less.

“What is your point exactly Noodle boy?” Red Son growled.

“We are stuck in this hell hole together, if you have to eat revolting stuff then so do I…”

“There’s a huge difference between you eating insects and me eating your kind!”

MK opened his mouth to say something but nothing came to mind to counter that point, his attempt of supporting Red Son seemly going down in metaphoric flames…

“However, if our sadistic master has plans of strengthen our bodies, we need all the food and protein we can get. When we get out, I will make that shadow bastard eat a fistful of dirt for every lump of this filth he has forced me to consume!” Red Son declared boldly and turned around to sit next to MK his food bowl already empty.

“Totally and when we get out, I will get Pigsy to make you the biggest bowl of noodles ever!” MK exclaimed “Actually make that two cos I want one as well! Cos man, do I miss carbs!”

That actually got a chuckle out of the two.

“I will hold you to that noodle boy!” Red Son said leaning back against the wall, “So who do think will get here first?”

“Huh?”

“No doubt my father has noticed my absence and is looking for me, I bet your friends and mentor are looking as well. So, who do you think will find us first?”

“Monkey King hands down, the dude has a decent track record of rescuing people from demons.” MK said confidently.

“Ah yes but can your Sun Wukong punch his way through rock and steel like it was nothing? My father will be the one to break down those cell walls and smash that monkey into paste! I’ll wager an entire tray of melon bread on it.”

“Cakes? Really? we’re betting our freedom on cakes?”

“I’m not talking about any melon bread; I’m talking about the deluxe cream melon bread from that uptown bakery that stuff is divine!” Red Son explained with a sigh, “Also food is all I can think about right now so yes…” he admitted with a grumble.

MK leaned up against Red Son who stiffen up for a brief minute before relaxing, they both knew that they were trying to put on a brave face on a horrid situation but for now at least they had each other to distract them from the nightmare.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The days seem to blend into a long stream of body punishing strength building excerise, combat training and magic techniques. Red Son’s strength and familiar appearance slowly returning with his new reluctant diet.

MK begrudgingly learned how to use his powers better, wherein Monkey King just gave him the idea and let him figure out the rest, Macaque actually gave him instructions and critique on what to do to make use his powers more efficiently.

“The reason why your clones went wild was because you saw them as yourself! You gave them too much autonomy” Macaque said as they went through his clone making skills. “Those clones are an extension of you nothing more and nothing less. When creating them make sure to only give them a simple command.”

“Red Son focus on the intensity of your fire!” Macaque would bark as Red Son would set fire to several wooden dolls to practise on his aim and control. “I don’t want those targets singed I want them torched!”

Combat training consists of the two sparring against shadow clones, Macaque stopping them occasionally to correct them on their stature and technique before making them continue.

“Put more power into that attack kid, remember your first strike should be your last!”

“Red! Stay light on your feet and watch those flames, you’re supposed to be a fire prodigy act like it! Don’t hold back!”

“MK is the shield and Red is the spear!” was one of the things that Macaque would repeat during training. Neither boy had any clue as to what that meant and now knew better than to try and question their master unless specifically asked to.

MK and Red Son quickly conformed to Macaque’s rule despite them wanting nothing more than to smack or burn their gruelling task monkey, however with the bands in place they knew it was wiser to just try and do as they were commanded.

Escape was also impossible for the first few days MK had scanned the entire dojo with his golden eyes of truth and came to the conclusion that Macaque wasn’t lying about him being the only way in and out of this dojo. They found that getting out of their cell which was insultingly easy, it was as if Macaque was mocking them with the fact that they were still stuck without his assistance. Even so the threat of the bands kept them inside the cell at night and MK hated how quickly they had become like trained dogs.

Some afternoons Macaque would lead them into the shrine room where he would teach them medicine and body anatomy. Which to MK seemed a suddenly off track from what they had been doing but when allowed to ask [and these lessons were the rare occasion where they were allowed to ask questions without consequences, within reason of course] Macaque just gave a small smile.

“You may be the Monkey King’s successor but you are still human, same with Red there will be times you will get injured in battle. Wouldn’t it be good to know how to heal yourself?” he had answered as he pulled out the next scroll. To which once again MK and Red Son had to agree, numerous times they were go to their cell with blisters, burns, aches and pains and all sort of small injuries from their brutal training regime which is probably what inspired Macaque to do this in the first place.

“Or perhaps you wish for us to learn the finer details of the living body so that we can damage it better?” Red Son asked while jotting down the details that Macaque had shown them on chi pressure points and their properties. Macaque gave a soft laugh at that.

“Meh I guess it’s a little of both”

“Care to explain why you are doing all of this?” Red Son inquired “You’ve never actually told us…”

“I did tell you Red, I’ve been commissioned to train you guys. You don’t need to know any more than that.” Macaque exclaimed; Red Son gave a growl of frustration but kept it low in his throat.

“What Red Son is trying to say is, perhaps if we knew what we were training to fight we might be able to prepare ourselves better?” MK tried hoping to get some answers, Macaque’s medical lessons ranged from first aid to skeletal structure of several different creatures, to herbal properties and poisons. If they were being trained to attack someone or something in particular these lessons weren’t giving them any context clues.

Then again nothing Macaque did in their lessons gave them any clue as to what they were training for, it was like Macaque delighted in keeping the two in the dark about everything. They had lost all sense of time in the shadowy dojo; time had no meaning when there was no sun or moon to mark the days or months. They had tried scratching out marks on the wall to count days but were warned not to. When they tried to keep track in their minds, they kept losing count because when you are worked to your last aching breath on a daily basis it made remembering what day it is a challenge.

Time must be passing because they were getting stronger, Red Son and MK would have rather chewed rocks than admit it to Macaque but they had noticed that they were getting faster and enduring the morning excerise regime better. Their movements in combat were more precise and fluid, less energy wasted in their attack and this got them praised by their master. Red Son fire powers were more in control, he could now control what he did or did not burn with his flames and MK could now create clones that didn’t go rouge and his skill with the magic staff was better.

One of the things that kept them sane was their nightly talks, where they would just lie in the cell too drain to do anything but chat and try to keep the despair at bay. They would talk about anything that came to mind no matter how small and stupid because when they grew too tired to talk it would mean they were be left alone with their thoughts and sometimes that scared them more than the idea of what would be coming tomorrow and why no one had saved them yet.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I want to go home” MK said one day during their mid-day break, Red Son flinched and looked at MK was standing there defiantly with weapon in hand before glancing at Macaque who stood there watching them with that same irritating condescending casualness. Was he insane? He thought there was no way he was just going to agree!

“Seriously kid?” his master asked. MK could feel his resolve weaken under that stern gaze.

“Can’t we at least visit or call? I mean my friends must be going out of their minds, I don’t even know how long we’ve been down here…I just…I just want to let them know I’m alive at least.”

Macaque gave a thoughtful hum and both boys braced themselves for the agonizing punishment only for him to click his heels together and take out his staff.

“Alright”

“Wait really??!” the boys spluttered.

“But only if you can pin me for longer that five seconds, I’ll even let you attack together!”

Red Son and MK grinned at each other, at last a chance to properly fight back and Macaque in his over confidence was letting them attack without the worry of repercussions from the bands. They both got into attack stances the hope of escape or at least contact with the outside world filling them with renewed energy.

“You get rid of the shadows I’ll focus on getting him pinned” MK said to which Red Son nodded.

MK launched himself at Macaque who dodged his attacks with effortless ease, Mk pushed forward with more aggressive blows with his staff to which Macaque blocked them with his own. Red Son lit up his fists and threw a barrage of fire balls which flew around MK keeping clear of him and heading to their intended target. Macaque smacked the fire balls away with a swing of his staff causing fire to ignite along the training ground, he looked around and noticed he no longer could see MK until he heard a rip of hair and the sound of clones being created. He glanced up at MK who at first looked like he was going to rain clones down on him but realised they all had their staffs primed and ready. With the heavy melodious ringing clangs Macaque was suddenly fenced in by a barrage of cloned staffs to which he glanced around and saw flames suddenly erupts around them causing him to blink back from the brightness. MK leapt over the clone fence to look at Macaque.

“No shadows for you to escape to and nowhere for you to run!”

“You still haven’t pinned me yet kid” Macaque said with his hands folded behind his back, MK growled and leapt down knocking Macaque to the floor and holding him there with his staff letting it go knowing full well that Macaque couldn’t lift it.

“How about now?” he demanded. Macaque smirked again and looked down MK followed his gaze and saw that by jumping in and pushing him to the floor his body now created a small shadow to which he melted away into. MK looked around realising he had trapped himself in a fire pit. Red Son watched from outside and gave a yelp when Macaque appeared behind him grabbed him and threw him at the staff fence causing them to explode into gold smoke and the fire to pitter out. MK didn’t even have time to react when Red Son came flying through the fence, smacking him right in the chest causing them both to hit the ground.

They both laid sprawled on the floor as Macaque walked up to them, clapping softly.

“I’m not going to say you did well but I can see where you were going with it, good idea about blocking me from my escape routes. However, when you got cocky you messed up.” He explained as they got themselves up, MK gave a snarl of frustration and Red Son hair flared up angrily as he punched a nearby pillar.

“However, you did pin me for five seconds…” Macaque mused.

“So, we can go home?!” MK yelped.

“No, that attack was appalling” Macaque laughed, “I’m going to need to drill in better team work into of you two. No, I agreed that if you pinned me for five seconds, I’d let you make a phone call.”

The boys looked at Macaque as he pulled out a cell phone from his cloak.

“Wait how does that even get cell coverage in here?” Red Son blurted out.

“You’re the one who likes to mix tech with magic, you tell me” Macaque answered before tossing the phone to Red Son. “You get two minutes each, I don’t think I have to tell you not to do anything dumb like tell them who I am or where you are…”

“But we don’t know where we are!” MK cried.

“Exactly!” was the cheerful reply.

Red Son was first he took the phone and held it in his hands like he was holding a piece of fragile bone porcelain before swallowing hard and then handing it to MK.

“If I give Noodle boy my two minutes, will he get four instead?” he asked, the monkey gave a shrug as if to say ‘hell why not?’ MK blinked back tears.

“You’d do that? But what about your parents?”

“My parents aren’t exactly tech savvy, hell my father can’t even use a cell phone, and besides this is our one shot for someone to track the call and I know dragon horse girl is more knowledgeable in that.” He explained, he glanced at Macaque who was still watching them keenly. That is if our ‘master’ didn’t have some way of blocking it but he didn’t want to smash MK’s hope.

“Thanks…” MK breathed and dialled in Mei’s number, for a brief horrible moment he thought what if it was the early hours of the morning and she was asleep? What if she didn’t pick up? What if during the time they had been gone Mei changed her number? He had desperately wanted to call Pigsy and Tang but he agreed with Red Son, Mei was the one most likely to pick up and be able to use this call to find them.

“Hello?” Mei answered.

“Mei! Oh, thank god!”

“MK??!! Holy shit is that you?”

“Yeah, it’s me!”

“Where the hell are you? Everyone is going insane! Monkey King is on the verge of going Kaiju trying to find you!”

MK looked at Macaque and he took in a deep steadying breath before trying again.

“I…I’m not allowed to say.”

“What?! Have you been kidnapped?”

“Yes.”

“Are you okay? Jeez that is a dumb question of course you’re not! you’ve been fucking kidnapped!”

“No…No we’re ok for the most part.”

“Hold on… ‘we’?” Mei asked.

“Red Son is here with me”

“Red Son got kidnapped too??!!”

“Yeah, we’re kind of stuck here getting trained…for something…” MK looked at Macaque and could see he was pushing his luck so stopped himself from going into further details.

“Man, that sinks my theory that Red Son kidnapped you in some stupid demon betrothal or something!”

“As if I would do that!” Red Son shouted.

“Wait was that Red Son? Is he there?”

“Yes…”

“Who did this? Tell me who so I can sic Monkey King and Pigsy on them, they are really wanting to punch someone”

“I’m…not allowed to say…” he whimpered. “Mei, you need to talk to DBK, Red Son said his mom can use wind magic to find stuff that might give you guys a lead.”

“Great!”

MK took another deep breath, he didn’t want to worry Mei even more by breaking down into tears over the phone, he wanted so badly to talk to her longer but knew his time was limited.

“Mei…I’m nearly out of time for my call could you please tell Pigsy and Tang that I love them and I’m really sorry for making them worry.”

“Sure thing” she whimpered he could hear her sniffing back tears. “Don’t you worry we’re coming to save you!”

“Could you tell Monkey King that I’m not giving up…and…and…I’m…” he could feel his voice cracking, tears trickling down his face.

“Tell my father to hurry up and rescue us! I have a whole tray of melon bread riding on a wager that’ll he finds us first!” Red Son declared loudly, “Please inform my parents that I, Red Son will not break so easily and neither will Noodle boy!”

“Times up” Macaque muttered holding out his hand.

“We have to go now Mei…I’m really sorry…I…”

“Dude don’t worry I’ll tell them, I hit record as soon as you mentioned being kidnapped…” he could hear her sniffle before returning to the phone in her strained cheerful voice that MK knew she had when she wanted to put on a brave face. “Tell Red Son he’s gonna loose that wager! Monkey King is so gonna get you guys out first!”

“Thanks…” he whispered as Macaque took the phone away and hung up. MK hugged himself as he fought back the urge to cry, he never thought how painful it was going to be telling his friends and family what could be his last goodbye. Red Son tentatively put a hand on his shoulder.

“Right now, that is out of the way, let us continue with your lessons…” Macaque declared.

#monkie kid red son #monkie kid mk #monkie kid macaque #spiceynoodle

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artificialqueens · 4 years ago

Text

Down with the Recipe, Bake from the Heart (3/10) - Juno

Chapter summary: Bread week will sort the wheat from the chaff, with a fruity signature, a fiddly technical, and a showstopper that will push the bakers to their limits. Meanwhile, Asttina wants to try something vegan, and Cherry’s gossip about Tia and Veronica sparks an idea for Tayce. But what will Aurora think of it?

A/N: I really appreciate all the support on this fic, thank you!! Here is the third chapter, I hope you enjoy. One CW for mild references to alcohol.

WEEK 3: BREAD WEEK

On the platform at Reading Station, waiting for the next train down to Newbury, Tayce’s phone vibrated. Her notifications told her that Aurora added Tayce on Instagram, as well as the twitter they were contractually required to have set up. The others had all followed each other on twitter, but no one else had sought her out on Instagram.

Her chest swelled as she tapped the notification.

Tayce’s own Instagram was filled with pictures of her and her friends on nights out around the UK, trying never to post the same outfit twice, a battle to look the most sexy among the seven or eight women in the group.

Aurora’s was filled with pictures of cakes she’d baked.

She’d held back gasps at the different things Aurora had put her name to. Cupcakes with lettering spelling out messages. Christening cakes with baby blocks and tiny fondant figurines. Mirror glaze cakes, drip effect cakes, minimalistic cakes - Aurora had them all, illuminated with a ring light and resting on a patchwork quilt of a tablecloth, normally with some backdrop of flowers that did not detract from the beautiful cake creations in the foreground.

But best of all, Aurora was tagged in a million other posts from other people.

Pictures of her with her arms around beaming elderly people blowing out candles on the cakes she’d made. Pictures of her having her knees hugged by toddlers and holding babies with a Christening cake in the background. Pictures from a local homeless shelter, tagging her in plainer but still stunning cakes and breads and writing long posts of thanks for her contributions.

She’s so … loved.

A lump formed in Tayce’s throat, her eyes stinging with sudden tears as she read the posts she’d been tagged in, a seemingly endless stream of affection and adoration for the woman who shook with fear behind the workbench every week.

She’s already a Star Baker. She doesn’t need a badge or a title.

——

As they waited for everyone to arrive that Saturday morning at Norton Hall, Tayce made a beeline for Aurora, who stood alone at the tea machine, filling her mug.

“I looked at all your cakes on the train on the way down here,” Tayce said to her, holding her phone to Aurora. “They’re stunning! How can you bake like that?”

“Oh,” Aurora giggled, averting her gaze to the ground. “They’re just things people like to see from me, so I bake them for them!”

“You’re amazing,” Tayce reached a tentative hand to her shoulder. “You really are.”

She tried to put as much sincerity into her voice as she could, but Aurora just smiled, sliding from her hand, leaving Tayce alone with her mug and her thoughts.

They hadn’t really talked much last week - mostly because every time Tayce had glanced her way, she was with someone else, normally Ellie; and Tayce had held back, hesitant, in case she was interrupting something. And admittedly, it had left Tayce with a slight twisting sensation in the pit of her stomach when Aurora had taken Ellie’s hand at the judging for Showstopper last week.

Maybe it didn’t mean anything when she held mine. Maybe she just does it to everyone.

Part of Tayce had resigned herself to that. Even though cake week had seen her excited to come back to bake, bread week had seen her wake up this morning, her stomach bubbling with anticipation, at the thought of seeing Auroraagain. Tayce had told herself she’d make more of an effort to bond with Aurora, still a little ashamed at blanking her at the end of last weekend. There was a fascinating person under all the nerves, and Tayce wanted to dig deeper.

But trying to compliment her bakes had resulted in this strange, modest reaction, and Tayce was still puzzled by it as they all made their way across the grounds to the tent.

Out in the tent, the space seemed to be expanding, but maybe it was because after Joe’s departure Tayce had been moved one step closer to the front, to Cherry’s old workbench. It must have been a real bugger moving all the colourful KitchenAids up with each departure, but it was happening every time they weren’t there.

“Bread week!” Cherry said as they all waited, rubbing her hands together. “Who’s good at bread?”

Bimini nodded. “Bread is my thing. Love bread. All types. Focaccia, ciabatta - “

“Bless you,” Cherry chuckled.

“My favourite ones are my Belgian buns - always nice on a Friday night - but I brought some into my office, and someone called them brexit buns by mistake, and the name has stuck,” Bimini said dryly, showing the group of them the Instagram page for the newspaper they wrote for, picture after picture of the same iced buns, with Bimini’s Instagram handle tagged in them all.

“Why brexit buns?” Tia said with an ironic laugh.

“That was all we were writing articles about at the time.” Bimini shook their head.

“How do you make your brexit buns then?” Tia asked.

“Oh, just 52% bollocks, and 48% bullshit.” Bimini snorted. “Not a joke, just a fact.”

Tia nodded. “Yep. Yeah, just a fact.”

“Anyone worried about bread week? Ginny asked, while Tayce chewed her tongue, wondering if anyone would admit to having a weak spot in a baking contest.

“No one? Well, I’m a bit worried. I haven’t made too much bread, I don’t really eat lots of bread.”

“Don’t you like any bread?” Ellie asked.

“Not really. And I noticed there wasn’t too much bread on your Instagram either, Ellie. Don’t you like to bake bread?”

“Yeah, I do,” Ellie nodded, her voice had dimmed a little. “I’ve baked some bread, it’s just not my favourite things to do.”

“Well I was just a bit curious,” Ginny continued, but Lawrence’s voice piped up.

“I didn’t see any lemons on your page either, Gin, but that’s all you seem to be offering at the moment, so maybe you shouldn’t be judging people on their Instagram pages, and think about how you’re gonna fit lemons into your bread.”

Ginny didn’t seem perturbed by Lawrence’s sarcasm, simply raising their eyebrows. “Maybe you’re about to be surprised then, bab, because I can fit lemons just about anywhere.”

——

Signature: 12 Teacakes

“The fuck’s the thing with calling them teacakes?” Lawrence asked as the whisk was whirring, looking round at the rest of the room. “Teacake, that’s a choccie biscuit thing with marshmallow in it, right? Right?”

Ellie was nodding, but everyone else was staring at her.

“No, it’s definitely bread, Lawrence,” Cherry said, her brow furrowed. “If it wasn’t, it wouldn’t be in bread week, would it?”

Lawrence waved her hand dismissively and went back to her dough, while Tayce twisted her lips to stop everyone from seeing her chuckle.

The teacakes had to be filled with a fruit of their choice. Tayce had already measured out the dried cherries and coconut, hoping to try something a bit different flavour-wise, having taken into account the judges’ critiques the last two weeks. Good presentation, but a bit bland.

It was almost a Bake Off running joke.

Aurora was being told the exact opposite. Good taste, but the presentation could use some work, and Aurora had twisted her jaw at their words.

Mash us together and make one master baker.

Kneading the dough for the teacakes was taking a little while - the dough was enriched, everyone kept saying, and enriched dough needed a longer knead and a more precise proving time. It was delightfully calming though, and Tayce took the opportunity to look around the tent.

And there was plenty to see.

Firstly, Tia and Veronica. When had Veronica joined Tia at her workbench, and were they both making kneading motions next to each other? They were about a foot apart at first, but within five minutes Tayce could not see a gap of light between them at all. When Tayce was putting her own dough into the drawer for its first prove, Tia and Veronica had already done theirs, Tia’s grateful hug to Veronica lingering a couple of seconds longer than Tayce would have expected.

On the other side of the rows of benches, Asttina was right at the end of hers, turning to chat to Bimini and compare their dough balls. Behind Ginny, Lawrence had moved to the other side of the workbench, so she could turn slightly over her shoulder and chat to Ellie while they kneaded. When Tayce looked again, Lawrence had actually moved her dough to Ellie’s workbench too, both of them at opposite ends, talking quietly and occasionally flicking flour at each other.

Everyone was starting to fall into pairs, helping each other in this cramped environment.

Opposite Tayce, Aurora was growling frustratedly, scuffling in her drawers for the proving bowl, but she couldn’t seem to see it.

“Rory -“ but Aurora took no notice, putting her hands to her temples.

“Calm down! It’s here!” Tayce crossed over from her kneading, pulling it from the bottom drawer that Aurora had already opened and put her hands into, but hadn’t brought it out.

She was breathing heavily as Tayce met her frantic eyes, holding out her hands for the bowl, muttering half to herself. “Sorry, don’t know how I missed that -“

“Don’t stress! Don’t worry, be happy! Come on, girl, you can’t be defeated by twelve teacakes!”

“Yeah,” Aurora nodded, pushing strands of hair out of her eyes. “Thanks, Tayce.” She gave Tayce’s hand a squeeze in thanks, a little bit of the usual sparkle back in her eyes, and Tayce found herself wondering if she had noticed everyone pairing off too.

Proving was the boring process. There wasn’t really much to do while the dough was in the drawer until they had to come out and be shaped into the rolls. The cameras weren’t failing to notice the little things everyone was doing though, and they’d been trained on Tia and Veronica this morning, much to Veronica’s chagrin.

“I’m trying to bake,” she muttered through gritted teeth as she stood at the tea machine with Tayce, “and they just keep following me around, like I have something on my face!”

“Weren’t you showing Tia how to knead earlier?” Tayce teased. “Maybe they thought something else was coming!”

She meant to joke, but Veronica’s head whipped up in sudden fright, her eyes widening.

“They don’t know, do they?”

“Know what?”

“Don’t - oh.” Veronica seemed to regain her composure. “Maybe not then. Ignore me. Anyway, no - I wasn’t showing her how to knead, she knows how to knead. She was helping me out.”

“With a bake?” Tayce put a hand to her chest and gasped. “I thought you knew all there was to know about baking!”

“No - not with the bake itself,” Veronica waved a hand. “Just with - with me. And my - well, never mind.” She looked down at the mug and blew the steam away. “Anyway. I should go and see how the dough is getting on.”

As they went back into the tent, Veronica grimaced, speed-walking to Tia, calling “No, no, put them in the proving drawer, not the oven yet!”

——

“They’ve definitely kissed, at least.”

“They what?” Tayce leaned closer to Cherry, whose eyes sparkled with the fresh gossip she had.

“Aye, I didn’t believe it either, but Lawrence said she saw it!”

“When?”

“Well,” Cherry lowered her voice a little more, leaning even closer to Tayce and Aurora, “Lawrence was last coming out of the tent last week, right? And Veronica was a bit upset that Ellie had won Star Baker last week, right? So Lawrence said she saw that Veronica was like, almost in tears - and Tia was holding her, and all of a sudden -“ Cherry raised her eyebrows and gave a knowing smile.

“That’s good! Maybe Veronica will lighten up then!” Tayce nodded, but Aurora looked a little flushed next to her.

“Maybe Veronica will give Tia tips. Maybe they’ll cheat.”

“How’s it cheating? Everyone helps each other out, don’t they?” Cherry shrugged. “And if anything, it’s just helped out Veronica, hasn’t it? She got the Hollywood handshake this week.”

It was true. Back in Norton Hall, everyone was solely focused on Veronica today; circling her and making her look even more nervous than she had all contest, even with the rare smile on her face.

“Your tea cakes kind of fell flat, didn’t they Tayce?” Cherry’s voice brought her back to reality, as Cherry clicked her tongue. “They didn’t like the burnt fruits on the outside, did they? I know they pulled you up on those.”

“They didn’t really have anything good to say about yours, either, did they?” Tayce flipped her hair over her shoulder. “I’ll make up for it in Technical. Anything you can do, I can do better and all that.”

“If you say so,” Cherry’s jaw set as she spoke, and with that she walked away from them, over to the table, where the tea cakes were all sat waiting to be eaten.

“Do you think that’s true?” Aurora murmured.

Tayce spluttered, nudging her in the arm. “Yes! I’m definitely going to do better than Cherry at Technical, what do you mean?”

“No, not that …” Aurora muttered, inclining her head to Veronica at Tayce’s confused expression.

“What, that they kissed? Maybe. Who cares? It’s not like baking skills can be caught through kissing. Even if Tia wishes they could be.” Tayce shrugged. “But if it is true, and it gets caught on camera, this season of Bake Off is gonna have the best ratings ever.”

Hang on a minute.

Tayce blinked, glanced at Aurora, who was watching Veronica.

It had been on her mind, but Aurora’s attraction to women was all but confirmed from the lesbian flag pin she wore on her bag. And Tayce couldn’t deny that she was being drawn to her, even after only these three weekends.

Tayce licked her lips as she pondered the embryonic idea that had taken root in her mind.

… would she want to?

——

Technical: 12 Pretzels

Tayce wondered about her idea all through the Technical challenge. Making pretzels probably required more concentration than Tayce was affording it, and maybe she under-proved the dough in the process, but she wasn’t bothered. The idea turned over and over in her head so much that baking became mechanical.

Even if she doesn’t feel the same way about me, if Aurora wants to … maybe pretend to date, for the show …

There were definitely feelings there, Tayce recognised them in herself. Out of everyone there, Tayce wanted to know Aurora most. Wanted to know what lurked beneath that sweet, modest veneer, to know her hopes and her cares and her plans, to know her. And maybe, just made, for her to know Tayce too.

It wasn’t normal for Tayce to find someone on her mind this fast, but this was an unusual environment for all of them, sparking emotions much faster and deeper than normal. They already knew they had baking in common, at least. Maybe there was plenty more, too.

The question was, could Aurora feel the same way?

The thought of it took up all of Tayce’s mind, until she realised, taking her tray of pretzels to the front, that she’d baked two less than everyone else.

The only stool left at judging was right on the end, so she sat there, with Lawrence on her left, while the judges came in and went down the line.

“I’ve fucked this up,” Tayce muttered to Lawrence as the judges came in.

Lawrence turned, frowning. “Not necessarily, Tayce. Yeah, you can’t count, but who says that’s gonna stop you from making a good bake? Unless you can’t count numbers on the scales, then yeah it could be a problem.”

Lawrence chewed all her nails as the judges went through the pretzels, passing her own, and getting to Tayce’s third from last. Only Cherry’s and Asttina’s were to be judged after hers, both of them getting much better critiques than hers did.

“In tenth place,” Paul announced after the deliberation with Prue, “we have this one here, whose is this?”

Tayce’s stomach dropped through her body to the stool as she realised the judges were behind her own photo. She raised her hand.

“Tayce - you’ve got two missing, they were under-proved, over-baked, and the flavour was all gone. Did you swap the salt with sugar by accident?”

“Yeah,” Tayce murmured.

“I don’t think you were the only one,” Paul mused, while down the line, Ginny squeezed their eyes tightly shut.

Lawrence still chewed her nail. Tayce gave her a pat on the knee.

“Oh, don’t worry Lozza, it’s not the end of the world!” She whispered. “Look at it this way. I’m bottom of the pack this week, so you can’t get any further down than me!”

Bread week was there to sort the wheat from the chaff - literally - and that it did. Ginny, who had been in the middle the last two weeks, had her first low placement at ninth; and Cherry came eighth. Ellie had dropped from third to seventh, Asttina was a surprise down at sixth, and Tia had redeemed herself at fifth. Aurora was fourth, and Veronica’s tight-lipped smile settled for third.

Lawrence’s jaw dropped further and further with every name being called, until hers was finally listed at second, leaving Bimini, who everyone knew was itching for a win, to hold their hands high in triumph as they were picked as the winner, to no one’s surprise - their pretzels looked incredible even from this distance.

When the polite applause had dimmed, Tayce rubbed Lawrence’s knee again, and Lawrence returned the motion with a weak smile and surprisingly damp eyes.

——

“I’m just so nervous about bread,” Lawrence confided, as they all rested back in Norton Hall, “and I don’t know why, I love baking bread!”

“Maybe that’s why, then, if you’re really good at bread - you’re just wanting to get it right. That’s normal! It means you care!”

Lawrence sighed. “Fucks sake, I wish I didn’t care then, it’s just making me all nervous. It’s a lot of pressure to do well when … I don’t know, when everyone you know expects you to do well.”

“Look -“ Tayce motioned across the room, “you’re here on Bake Off, with nine other people, so you’re one of the best bakers in the whole of Scotland, and you’re representing Glasgow - they’re gonna love you, you know - and you can do bread, alright?”

“I know I can do bread, I just don’t know how not to be nervous! How are you so relaxed all the fucking time, Tayce, you seem like you just don’t care if something goes wrong.”

“I do care!” Tayce protested, but Lawrence shook her head.

“No. When you were called last in Technical, you were just trying to comfort me, and I came second; that - that’s the wrong way around.”

Tayce smirked. “Well, we can’t all be on top.”

Lawrence, shaking her head, gave Tayce a playful shove. “Gobshite.”

Tayce didn’t know what Lawrence was worried about. From the rose biscuits to the pretzel that they were now sharing together, she’d barely put a foot wrong. She just hadn’t achieved a badge for her efforts. Yet.

“Lozza, you’ve just got to do your best. You’re already gonna be liked by everyone, you know? You don’t need to push it! Just put your best bake forward.”

When Tayce went to the bench with all the day’s bakes, she found she couldn’t stomach much more in the way of pretzels, even though she wanted to try everyone’s; so she went for the fruity teacakes instead. She settled for Aurora’s, Lawrence’s, Veronica’s, and a one with a vegan label that she found was Bimini’s.

“Bim!” Tayce went to sit with them, on the two-person sofa that already held Bimini with Asttina and Cherry, squeezing in by Asttina’s side. “I didn’t realise you were vegan!”

“What? Oh, yeah.” Bimini nodded. “Yeah, three years now. I can’t wait for vegan week, if I’m still here. I mean, I bake lots of things for my non-vegan friends, but I’ll make it vegan. I can’t always do that here, and I don’t really like using all the eggs and butter and all that.”

“It must be tough,” Asttina nodded in sympathy.

“Yeah. I’ve been trying to reconcile my own thoughts on baking with animal products for a tv show. But I want to be here,” Bimini continued, “I do, ‘cause people can see that you can do it without them too. That’s why I was so happy when they announced we were doing a vegan week again.”

“Is it just the Technicals where you have to use animal products?” Cherry asked.

“Yeah, most of the Signatures and Showstoppers I’ve been able to make mostly vegan at least.”

“I can’t wait to try them all,” Asttina said warmly. “I never really realised how much of baking involves things that aren’t great for vegans.”

“You should give vegan baking a try,” Bimini said earnestly, as Asttina’s hand lingered on their forearm. “If you have any vegans you know, they will thank you for it.”

Asttina seemed keen to talk more about Bimini’s vegan bakes, but Tayce was distracted by Aurora, walking away from the table with a plate, heading out towards the stairs up to the rooms.

She stood up and followed after her, catching her halfway up the stairs. “Rory! Aurora!”

“What?” She spun round, eyes wide, but she waved when she saw her. “Hi Tayce.”

“Are you going to your room?”

Aurora nodded, running a hand over her forehead. “Got a bit of a headache. Don’t think I can deal with loads of people tonight. I think I’m just gonna have an early one, maybe put some telly on.”

“You - you’ve got a telly in your room?”

“No - sorry -“ Aurora smiled. “I’ve brought my tablet with me, I was just gonna put on Netflix or something.”

“Oh, okay.”

Tayce nodded as Aurora started to turn back to the stairs; but then she paused, her brow gently furrowing, chewing her bottom lip, before turning back to Tayce.

“D’you - want to join me for a bit?”

“Yeah. Why not?” Tayce shrugged, hoping her face appeared nonchalant still, and she jogged up the stairs to join Aurora, following her back to her room.

The next five minutes were calm and quiet, sat on Aurora’s bed as Aurora set up Netflix and Tayce halved each bun to eat. Bimini’s were good - better than Tayce had expected, if she was honest with herself - and Aurora recognised her own as they had been a little burnt, the colour deeper brown than the others.

“I made a mess this week,” she muttered, “but bread isn’t my strong point.”

“Why does everyone stress so much about bread week?” Tayce chuckled, shaking her head in disbelief. “All you do it prove it, bung it in the oven, Bob’s your uncle and Fanny’s your aunt, bing bang bong and there you go - bread.”

“Are you worried at all?” Aurora asked, her voice suddenly hushed and serious. “You were last in Technical. It must have been a bit nerve-wracking.”

Dread sat in the pit of Tayce’s stomach, dormant mostly, but at Aurora’s words, it started to sprout and grow like ivy.

But Tayce shook her head, determined to quell it straight away. “It’s done! I misread the instructions, it happens. I’m gonna concentrate on the Showstopper and bake something that will make sure I stay.”

“I hope so.”

The words were quiet, but there they were. Tayce glanced at Aurora, but she seemed to realise they had escaped her mouth too, a thought that maybe she’d wanted to keep hidden for now. She smiled and blinked, averting her eyes to the tablet as she popped more teacake into her mouth.

A fleeting moment of tenderness hung in the air between them like a silk thread, so delicate that the slightest movement might disturb it.

Then came the icy fingertips of uncertainty as they crept into Tayce’s chest, wrapping around her heart. She must have hesitated a moment too long; Aurora’s warm fingers found hers, slipping around her hand and clenching, and the cold dread started to shrink away again.

“Yeah,” Tayce sighed, goosebumps spreading up her arm from Aurora’s touch. “Yeah, me too.”

——

Showstopper: Bread sculpture, to include at least three naturally-occurring flavours of breads

Tayce would never have admitted to anyone, but she hadn’t really slept.

She’d gone back to her room, tossed and turned, and finally given up at six, in time to hear Asttina and Bimini heading downstairs, and going to her window, she saw them on a jog out the front door of Norton Hall and round through the grounds.

She was first down to breakfast, for her beans on toast - never failed to perk her up - and to catch Bimini and Asttina coming back in, beaming at each other and comparing timings for their run. She’d smiled at them both, but they hadn’t even noticed she was in the room, engrossed in each other.

They’re crazy. Going for a run before Showstopper? Could never be me.

By the time they were due to start filming for the Showstopper, Tayce was still feeling jittery, but some breakfast and the bakers around her was starting to dissipate those thoughts.

Everyone else looked nervous. Aurora’s hands were drumming on the workbench again, and Ellie was bouncing on the balls of her feet. But Tayce tried not to absorb the nerves, letting them pass over her instead, to keep her head for the bread sculpture.

“We’re looking for some original sculpture designs, and some great flavours,” Prue said at the start, her usual sweet smile lighting up her features, “so don’t be afraid to be creative with your bakes and your flavouring. Remember, it’s got to be worth the calories!”

Once they’d started baking, the warmth of the tent, and the smell of bread around Tayce brought on such a wave of nostalgia that she started to daydream. Losing herself in memories of her nana’s house, warm and fragrant with baking breads, until halfway through she leaned against the workbench, her head down, eyes closed, holding on because letting go would send her floating.

She didn’t remember what she said to the judges when they came round - probably a quick bore da and some spiel about how incredible her octopus and treasure chest bread sculptures were going to be - ignoring the words ambitiousand time consuming from the judges and focusing on just getting it as good as she could.

She heard a few words from the other contestants as well - something about Ginny putting lemon in their bread for some reason, Bimini saying they’d be basing it on fruits in a fruit basket, and both Cherry and Ellie talking about Coraline and realising they were doing similar things.

But Tayce floated, dissolving into the warm hazy air.

Hopefully I can just survive this week.

“You alright, Tayce?”

Aurora’s accent was becoming familiar, something she audibly heard in her head when she thought of her. Her face swam before Tayce’s eyes, concern etched into the lines of her face.

“Yeah, I’m good.”

“You don’t look good.”

“Just a bit tired. And it’s warm today.” Tayce couldn’t help but smile as Aurora’s fingers ghosted along her shoulder and arm, gently bringing her back to the room. “I’m fine, honest. Don’t worry!”

“As long as you’re sure,” Aurora mumbled. “If you need anything, tell me, okay?”

But Tayce could only nod, Aurora’s care stripping Tayce of a sincere verbal response. By the time she’d opened her mouth to speak, Aurora was on her way back over, the ten feet or so separating them looking closer every single bake.

When Cherry accidentally launched her proving bowl along the workbench, everyone else started to crumble and the warm, dreamy sense in the room started to wane. Ellie’s kneading technique almost saw her dough being thrown to the ground, and Ginny was using her arms to knead, knocking her baking tray over with a crash. Even Asttina dropped a plate.

Tayce just tried to focus on her bake. She knew what she was doing, she knew how to do it, she’d done it ten times before so it seemed; but the lack of sleep combined with the heat permeating through the day and the harried nerves of the other bakers was getting almost unbearable.

The warm tent was fizzling with electric nerves, sparking fear through all of them. Cherry’s high-pitched sound of frustration left a chill in Tayce’s spine every time she heard it. In front of Cherry, Veronica froze in place now and then, her hands shaking for a few seconds, only seeming to break free when Tia - somehow telepathically knowing - turned to talk to her and bring her back to the room.

Tayce needed to get away from her side, where the static hummed in the air. Wringing her hands, she went over to see Aurora, whose face was red and tongue was chasing her lips as she tried to focus on her kneading.

“What’s your sculpture going to be, then?” Tayce asked her.

“Ice creams. Neapolitan. Cones. Yeah.” Aurora replied, her speech punctuated by a knead each time, not even glancing at Tayce, fully immersed in her own bake.

She didn’t even ask Tayce what her own bake was going to be, so Tayce went back to her own kneading, trying to channel the nerves out of her as she did.

Watching the bakers on the other side of the room once again, Lawrence and Ellie were back on one workbench, kneading together, while Asttina’s bench was empty, and Tayce spotted that she’d left to join Bimini on theirs.

Four and a half hours passed in the blink of an eye when you were having fun, or when you were struggling with bread.

Tayce found herself chewing a nail, a habit she’d sworn she wouldn’t take up again. She took her fingers away from her mouth and surveyed her sculpture. The treasure chest looked a little less golden brown than she would have liked, but there was nothing she could do about it now.

——

“Tayce, we’ll start with you this week. Would you bring your bake to the front please?”

Tayce swallowed back the sharp edges in her throat and tried to stop her hands quivering as she picked up her sculpture and brought it to the front.

“It’s a pirate treasure scene. The octopus is made from squid ink, the treasure chest is flavoured with turmeric, and the coins that make up the treasure are coloured with paprika and have a bit of chilli in the flavour.”

She tried to focus on keeping her breathing steady, although her feet were leaving the floor. It had been three weeks of this now, and the silence was still too loud as the judges sliced into the bakes, pondering it as they ate, far better poker faces than Tayce could ever hope to achieve.

“It’s very … impressive.”

“I agree,” Prue continued, “you’ve managed to get a lot in on the design, and the flavours are just impeccable. I like the slight hint of chilli you’ve got into the treasure. It’s not too much.”

“Not enough for me,” Paul murmured with a grin.

“It really is an impressive Showstopper. It looks great, it tastes incredible - what a redemption. Well done, Tayce.”

When Tayce gathered up her bake to bring it back, the applause in the tent was a tidal wave of relief, genuine for the first time that day. Asttina’s eyes twinkled as she smiled; Lawrence’s grin was soft and friendly; and Ginny nodded at her, muttering something Tayce didn’t catch.

“Nice one,” she heard Aurora say, that single dimple emerging once again, and Tayce had to stop herself detouring to her workbench to give her a hug.

The fizzing in the air evaporated as the nerves felt by everyone vanished. The judges were imposing, but even their criticisms were kind, and their praise was always a warming balm, like honey on their skin. And that left indents on the bakers - the more kindness filled the tent, the more they all supported each other.

Tayce found that all her thoughts towards all the bakers in the room, all nine of them, were nothing but warmth and camaraderie.

It’s weird. There’s so much pressure, but so much love at the same time.

Everyone wanted to do well in bread week, that was a personal achievement for them all, but no one wanted to win more than Bimini. But their bread didn’t have as good critiques on the aesthetic as Lawrence’s had. Lawrence had done a really intricate scene from some horror film that Tayce didn’t recognise, but Bimini’s was apparently the better tasting bake.

They all knew one of the two of them would win, but the person to go home seemed a tricky decision. Tayce knew her bake was likely to save her, but she didn’t know who would go in her place. Aurora’s bread had had mediocre feedback, and while Cherry and Ellie had both done poorly in Technical, Ellie had redeemed herself in the Showstopper yet again, her Coraline design getting better feedback than Cherry’s.

“It’s so annoying,” Cherry muttered, passing the cigarette to Tayce as they sat outside Norton Hall, “because I knowwhat I’m capable of, but as soon as I get into the tent …” she sighed out the smoke, the fight seeming to leave her body with it. “I don’t know, man. I don’t know why I can’t just - chill.”

Ellie held her hand out for the cigarette.

“Aren’t you a bit young to smoke?” Tayce teased, passing it to her.

Ellie said nothing, giving Tayce a middle finger.

“I’m going.” Cherry shook her head, closing her eyes tightly. “I’m definitely going.”

And Tayce didn’t want to patronise Cherry. So she stayed silent, noticing Ellie did the same.

But back in the tent, they were all in for a surprise after Bimini had been nominated as Star Baker, accepting the baguette-shaped badge and pinning it to their chest. Tayce glanced at Lawrence, who was smiling, but whose knuckles were white at Ellie’s hand.

“I have the horrible job,” Noel began, “of announcing who is going home this week. This person should really be proud of themselves for all they’ve done, and how far they’ve come, but the person leaving us today is …”

Tayce could hear Cherry’s shuddering breathing, could see Lawrence stroking Ellie’s knuckles, could feel Aurora’s arm shiver next to her.

“… it’s me, isn’t it?”

But when Ginny’s voice piped up, everyone turned to them in wonder.

“It’s definitely me, you don’t need to say it, Noel, love, I know it’s me. I’m too - lemon-y to carry on. When life gives you lemons, make lemon bread.”

Noel blinked. “What?”

“I know, babs, I know - it’s my time. The lemon is leaving the building. Well, goodbye folks!”

And with that strange speech, Ginny stood from their stool, smiling serenely, and without another word, rose and left the tent, turning to give them all a wave and a cackle as they went.

——

“I just don’t get why they did it,” Bimini kept muttering under their breath. “We don’t know if the judges wanted them gone. Now we’ll never know. Maybe it was them, but what if it wasn’t?”

“Weird,” Asttina nodded. “Bit rude, too. I bet the audience would love them, and they’re not giving the audience the chance to root for them.”

“Yeah that too,” Bimini nodded solemnly, holding up their drink. “Well folks … cheers to Ginny … and to a win for NORWICH!” Bimini shouted the city name unexpectedly. “Let’s be havin’ you!”

“Yeah!” Asttina waved her hands along with Bimini, echoing their enthusiasm.

Tayce shook her head at them both.

After an hour of their evening after the Showstopper, Bimini was a bit drunk. They weren’t the only one, Cherry was definitely getting there too; but they were definitely feeling it more than anyone else.

Ginny’s departure had surprised them all. The judges had been commenting on their lemon flavourings since the end of last week, but no one had known if Ginny was really about to go. They were all feeling the strain of their actual leaving, Bimini more so than anyone.

Asttina had taken a bit of time to open up to the group, but this was the first week she was letting them see her. The confident smile she normally wore had disappeared, leaving a much more natural grin that lit up her eyes.

Now Asttina was someone who looped her arm through Tia’s in the Technical to stroke her hand comfortingly; someone who had echoed Ginny’s battle cry of FANCY A SLOOIICE when she’d presented her bread to the judges. And with a little persuasion from alcohol, someone who had found Bimini’s vegan whipped cream in their bag, and was squirting it into their open mouth, before turning the can round to squirt some into her own.

“I’ve never tried vegan whipped cream,” Asttina said to Bimini, as they both sat giggling. “It’s alright!”

Bimini grabbed the can back from her. “Here, have some more!” And they squirted a bit onto her chin, Asttina shrieking with laughter, before Bimini leant towards her to slurp it off.

By now everyone was watching them both excitedly, and Tayce felt Aurora pressing into her right side on the opposite sofa, watching gleefully as Asttina grabbed Bimini’s hand to stop them putting more cream on her …

No one was sure who initiated it, but the rest of them were collectively whooping when their lips met, crowd and whipped cream forgotten, Asttina’s long hair falling around them like drapes, obscuring them.

Aurora’s hand suddenly found Tayce’s forearm and gripped tightly.

Neither of them came up for air; as the noise died down, they still didn’t draw away.

“Maybe we should give them some privacy.” That was Tia’s cautious voice, and they all dispersed in a rush, leaving them to it. “Maybe they should do a new show. GBBO, the After Hours.”

But Tayce wasn’t paying attention. Aurora’s face was a little red once again, and she still clutched Tayce’s arm. When Tayce met her eyes, she could have sworn she’d seen something stir behind them.

Something almost … longing.

——

NINE BAKERS REMAIN

#rpdr fanfiction #rpdr uk #uk2 #down with the recipe #taywhora #tayce #a'whora #asttina mandella #bimini bon boulash #cherry valentine #ginny lemon #ellie diamond #lawrence chaney #tia kofi #veronica green #fluff #lesbian au #gbbo au #juno

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girl4pay · 4 years ago

Note

hey gaby! your thoughts on horror and ‘dark!characters’ made me want to ask, how do you approach fiction in general? what draws you to certain forms of media, and how do you approach analysis from a critical standpoint? i would love to hear your perspective ☺️❣️

hey ty for asking ☺️💖 im ngl the things that draw me to certain media are almost always relationships. like if something has a well constructed sibling dynamic or familial dynamic i’m almost guaranteed to love it. ive also said like way more than one person ever needs to about the human credential dynamic which i love to see. i love themes of grief & transformation & metamorphosis. i like when stories are like puzzles of different strong personalities all pushing against each other trying to fit. in terms of narrative i like stories that don’t operate under assumptions and that feel kind of stress tested almost like it’s pretentious of me but if i feel like a plot point has been only half thought out or relies on a ‘cultural truth’ that doesn’t hold up to questioning when it reaches it’s conclusion i lose interest fast (which is my main problem with elementary lmao so much of their plot relies on essentialism and the idea of a ‘criminal nature’) this is also just personal taste but i don’t like when i can feel the hand of the author like when writing is heavily stylized or a character is acting as a clear mouthpiece that puts me off v quickly. i think when it comes to critical analysis...i’m trying to train myself out of expecting a moral from stories, because that’s a bad habit i have. rn i’m thinking more about action + consequences and conflict - not so much in the Hero’s Journey sense but more like conflict in a crowd? like i said i like when stories are well populated with people who all want something and who all are failing and fighting and who are all growing in some ways and immutable in others. i do tend to look at media from the viewpoint of ‘how would i have made this’ which is also a bad habit. i think most critiques i make of things i watch that aren’t joking have to do with what i already mentioned about cultural assumptions. like why has the author decided the world is this way? what are their blind spots? how does their thinking feel underdeveloped? if they’re trying to present a commentary on these things, how well is it structured and how well do i think it comes across? how does their message interact with my lived experience and my values? could my disagreement be stemming from ego or ignorance or impatience or my own dogmas? it kind of comes back to something i talked about a million years ago but i think if you question yourself while still respecting yourself - like being flexible but solid at the same time - your soul gets stronger cause you know the things you believe have been tested. its a continual process yk. and in that context media becomes less of a fable to learn from and more of a discussion prompt....which is why i have minimal patience for so many f*nd*m things because even ignoring like the gross unsettling proshipping shit? i’ll finish reading or watching something and i’ll feel like wow i can’t wait to see what other people did with this discussion prompt and then i see 20 photocopies of the same three copy paste characterizations that have been being recycled since like, 2008 because people just churn out content because f*nd*m gave them the ability to use these loved characters to use as a hook so there’s no NEED to reflect on the source material because everything just becomes character + character + tropes 1 2 and 3 + a varying mix of ‘fluff’ to ‘angst’ = new content. it’s like cheap romance novels with a superiority complex

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potteresque-ire · 4 years ago

Link

Not sure if this has circulated before, but here’s a link to Henry Jenkin’s reactions to 227, largely as responses to an interview he did with Sanlian Lifeweek magazine (三聯生活周刊), a publication modelled after TIME magazine and published under China Press Publishing group (中國出版集團), the largest and state-owned publisher in China. The magazine asked for Jenkin’s opinions on the fandom-related aspects of 227 back in March, 2020. Henry Jenkins, as many may already know, is among the most renowned scholars of (Western) fan culture ... if not the most renowned.

Personally, I find this article to be quite limited in perspective, because 227 had a significant non-fandom-oriented, sociopolitical component ~ and hence its scope, its chaos, its damage. IMO, 227 stopped being a fan war, stopped being about solos, cpfs, and even Gg the moment AO3 was shut down ~ the powerful Chinese state had intervened, and the incident necessarily became a political incident. That One Fic on AO3, the conflict between solos and cpfs about whether and where That Fic should exist was at most a lighter left at the scene of what would become the blaze; it wasn’t even responsible for igniting the first fire. Most i-turtles (i-fruits?) are probably aware too at this point: if fan wars are sufficient to start 227, then there wouldn’t have been a 227 ~ because 227 would have been every date of the year.

Fan culture is fundamentally transgressive, and what that means can only be defined in the context of the subculture’s “mainstream” sociopolitical and cultural environment. I therefore find the article’s attempt to transplant Western fan culture’s observations / theories / analysis / conclusions to the incident without explicitly comparing, addressing in depth the differences of the pre- and post-transplant environment to be ... prone to rejections (as organs are after transplantations!)—exclusion from being useful or valid. And this article was very short on such comparisons or address. Jenkins being a fandom expert aside (and he was careful about not treading outside his area of expertise), early “antis” of 227 presented themselves as crusaders for the freedom of speech and, by late March when this article was published, the heated debates surrounding the incident on Chinese social media had already led to embarrassment for multiple powerful state publications. It was probably a wise choice to not make another dive into the political aspects of the incident.

Being a new(-ish) turtle who joined the fandom a full half-year after 227, I’ve been backtracking, trying to really understand the incident, which remains very much beyond comprehension in many aspects. The discussions I’ve dug up that have most fascinated me have been those in non-fandom spaces, by non-fandomers / politics enthusiasts who barely knew who Gg was, who didn’t know That One Fic involved more than one idol and had zero knowledge about solos vs cpfs. In these discussions, “antis” are not referred to as “antis” because while the action of the so-called “227 coalition” was to kill Gg’s career, that wasn’t considered its ultimate goal ~ its ultimate goal was to warn whoever tried to clamp down the freedom of expression that their opposition was strong enough, populous to fight back and take away whatever, whoever those who attempted the clamp-down care the most about. In this case, “Gg fans”—I put this in quotes because eventually, no one would know who would lurk behind those pro-Gg Weibo IDs (and the anti-Gg ones as well)—were the perceived enemies of creative freedom. Gg, assumed to be the one, the symbol of what “GG fans” cared about the most, naturally became the target of the coalition.

Gg wasn’t special in that sense ~ and that was perhaps, the saddest thing I found about this incident as a Gg fan (without quotation marks); Gg could be any idol who achieved top fame at the moment, who had enough fans to make the point known. The coalition was therefore not “anti-Gg” in its ideological sense. It was anti the fan circle culture that had cemented Gg’s popularity, that had already been known to deal extremely poorly with dissent—complaints had been abound that c-ent was no longer fun for bystanders because the latter could issue no critique, not even doubt, about an idol without the fear of being reported, torn down by fans. The coalition eventually grew to include anti the many happenings, the many censorships and imprisonments in the past few years that had silenced the creative crowd in China, happenings people dared not speak about beyond a loud grumbling ...

The coalition tried to take down Gg, because they couldn’t take down the force that had shut down AO3, that was truly responsible for the silencing. They played the Hunger Games in the Weibo arena instead of challenging Who The Real Enemy Was, because some might not have given much thought about The Enemy; some might have thought the Enemy too invincible to be worth the effort; some might have got too carried away by their blood thirst, the cruel schadenfreude of shredding a beautiful, successful young man into pieces, and forgot why they were there in the first place ...

And that was only the political side of 227. 227 was also widely suspected to have a commercial component, which added another layer to the symbolism behind Gg the Idol ~ pretty much as soon as 227 happened, netizens investigated, tried to uncover the chain of capital behind Gg. With the scent of money was the memory of filth associated with it, in a country not exactly unknown for its corrupt business practices. Much like in The Book of Exodus in the Bible, the Idol is believed to be forged with gold; it is ungodly, tainted. Whether Gg the Person was identical to Gg the Idol, Gg the Symbol mattered to few. That Gg *was* a person seemed lost to many ...

I’ll have to dive into the non-fandom aspects of 227 with more rigour. As much as I'd love to leave 227 behind, every time I see Gg, I see its legacy on his face, in his smile, and perhaps, I’m not the only one ~ ADLAD cast him as Patient #5 because of 227′s effect on him. Put it another way, 227 is already modifying, writing Gg’s career trajectory ~ a trajectory that is undoubtedly under scrutiny by many who wish to duplicate his success but circumvent his pain. And every time I see a young idol—Gg, Dd, and anyone else—I wonder if the hurt of 227 can happen to them (again) because the crux of the incident has never been resolved; the oppression and silencing have remained strong as ever.

Anyway (sorry for the rant) ... what I found noteworthy about this article was the quotes the magazine highlighted in its published form (in Chinese), which weren’t highlighted by Jenkins on his own website. They reflected what the magazine would like to be the take-home messages of the interview. I’ve listed them below; all of which had Jenkins as the speaker:

[Pie Note: About Real Person Fiction (RPF) in Western fandoms]

“American fans often do have some shared norms about what is and is not appropriate to write, mostly having to do with protecting the privacy of other people in the star’s life. Writing about the star is seen as fair game; writing about their family members is not.”

---

[Pie Note: About GG being “cast” as a transgender woman in The One Fic that started the incident; gender in fandom]

“We write fan fiction as a form of speculation and exploration. For some people, it may be one of the few spaces in the culture where they can express who they are, what they are feeling, what they are desiring. And for others, it is a place of “what if” where they explore in fantasy things they would not necessarily desire in reality.”

---

[Pie Note: Whether GG should be held responsible for his fans’ behaviour]

“Under these circumstances, I would not hold a performer responsible for his fans’ behaviors but the performer is responsible for their own behavior and fans may respond negatively to performers who over-react to the existence of alternative fantasies and insult or hector their audiences.”

---

[Pie Note: About AO3 and why fans were so upset about its closure] “Keep in mind that AO3 is a particular kind of platform. Alongside Wikipedia, AO3 is one of the greatest accomplishments of participatory culture in the digital era.”

---

[Pie Note: About the “problematic” content on AO3]

“Among my findings were that fan fiction sites can be a valuable space for young people to acquire skills (and receive feedback) on their writing from more experienced writers who share these same passions ... That said, while teens have participated in fandom, a large part of those on AO3 are adults, engaging in adult conversations on adult topics.”

---

[Pie Note: About media text in the new media era]

“First, I would stress the proliferation of media texts at the current moment ... We have access to a much broader range of media content than ever before and in this context, fans play a constructive role in curating that content, helping some shows get greater visibility ... Second, these texts have become more malleable”

---

[Pie Note: About idols not producing “good” media texts]

“Rather, the question should be what are fans finding meaningful about these performers and the texts they generate. I start from the premise that human beings do not engage in meaningless activities. I may not immediately recognize why something is meaningful but my job as a scholar is to understand why cultural materials are meaningful to the people who cherish them.”

---

My understanding of this selection of quotes is this: this state publication (as others) was quite ready to forgive Gg, to put this incident behind. It could choose to not publish this interview; it could choose to leave out certain quotes, or not do the highlighting that cast both AO3 and Gg in a positive / innocent light. But it did all these things. This article furthers my impression that the state never intended 227 to blow up the way it did, and that it did—enough for stories about it to be found in non-China websites, and in English—was what I’m still trying to comprehend. 227 was, admittedly, how I was first introduced to Gg beyond Wei Wuxian. And as I got to know Gg, like Gg, my want to understand 227 only becomes stronger, perhaps because only through comprehension I feel I can find peace for the GG fan (again, without quotation marks) in me.

Maybe I should email Dr Jenkins and ask if he’s looking for a PhD candidate. 5 years of research and thinking ... maybe that’s what it’ll take.

I feel I’ve already started anyway.

#pie metas #yizhan #bjyx

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iamrealbuilder · 4 years ago

Text

Bill Buchalter interview

Bill Buchalter was a level designer for Sunstorm Interactive. He’s worked on 3 official add-on of Build Engine games: Cryptic Passage for Blood, Suckin’ Grits On Route 66 for Redneck Rampage, Caribbean Life for Duke Nukem 3D. Interview, November 2020: Corentin: Can you introduce yourself?

Bill Buchalter: My name is Bill Buchalter. I’m an avid gamer of all kinds – video games, board games, and especially tabletop RPGs. I’m currently a freelance writer for AAW Games (Adventure A Week Games) writing mini adventures for Dungeons & Dragons 5E. I live outside Indianapolis, IN with my wife Jane, our three kids, and our dog Roxi. When I’m not gaming, I also enjoy music, playing guitar, hiking, and camping.

C: With Sunstorm Interactive, you're credited for level design on Cryptic Passage, Caribbean Life and Route 66. How did you start working with Sunstorm and what do you remember from that time?

BB: In the mid 90’s, maybe around 1995 or 96, I was very into playing Duke Nukem 3D. Like most PC gamers at the time, I had played Castle Wolfenstein and Doom, and Duke Nukem just blew me away. Back in those days, when we played online, we would use a 3rd party program called KALI. You dialed up on your modem, logged onto the internet, and then used KALI as a portal to chat with other gamers and find someone to play with. The KALI software would then allow you to network together over the internet and play PVP matches. It was crude, and the lag could be horrible, but we didn’t know any better at the time and we loved it!

I remember I was in a B. Dalton bookstore in the mall one day (another relic of the 90’s that is long gone!) when I found a book called the “Duke Nukem 3D Level Design Handbook”. I was intrigued, and as I flipped through the pages it talked about a program on the Duke Nukem CD called Build, which allowed you to create your own levels. I had no idea Build existed, let alone how to use it. I bought the book and spent the next couple weeks diving into learning how to use Build. I was hooked!

Making my own maps quickly became an obsession. I would share them with my friends on KALI and I quickly earned a reputation for making user maps. I remember there was a map building competition, but I don’t recall who sponsored it. A guy named Robert Travis won the competition. When I saw his maps, I was blown away! His designs were so much more advanced than mine. He was using tricks I had never thought of to get lighting effects and set moods. I had to reach out to him to pick his brain.

Robert responded and we began talking and quickly figured out that we both lived in Indianapolis. He was working for Sunstorm at the time and invited me to come to their office to discuss level design. I met him there one evening, and he showed me some of the stuff he was working on. We ended up playing Duke all night on Sunstorm’s network with some of the other guys in the office. I was in heaven!

Robert introduced me to Anthony Campiti, the lead producer on Sunstorm’s next project – Cryptic Passage, an add-on for a Build engine game called Blood. They invited me to design some levels for the game and I jumped at the chance. Robert assigned me to design an opera house level and immediately I got pictures in my head of the theater scenes from Interview with a Vampire. I went home and worked furiously on designing the level. I was still rough, but with Robert’s help I tweaked things here and there and slowly learned his techniques. In the end I was really pleased with the level I’d designed. Robert and Anthony were happy too and asked me to design a second map specifically for deathmatch.

The next project Sunstorm was working on was Suckin’ Grits on Route 66, an add-on for another Build engine game called Redneck Rampage. Robert again asked if I’d like to be a part of that team and assigned me to build a truck stop level. Using a lot of the things I’d learned on Cryptic Passage, and the campy feel of the Redneck Rampage game, I had a lot of fun designing that level.

The last project I worked on for Sunstorm was Duke Nukem Caribbean Vacation. By this time Duke’s popularity was beginning to wane, and Quake was taking over. Robert was already starting to experiment and learn how to use the Quake engine. I was a new dad at the time (my first daughter had just been born) so unfortunately, I didn’t have the spare time to devote to learning a new engine. I barely had the time to design my level for Duke Caribbean, but I did manage to finish the casino level for that project. I do recall that Robert ended up going through in the end and changing a lot of the aspects of my level to fit the theme they had in mind. I remember being a bit disappointed and not really feeling like the level was “mine” because of so many of the changes. It was the last project I worked on for Sunstorm.

I kept in touch with Robert and Anthony for a while after that. They were branching out, working on other projects, and even trying to develop their own FPS game that I don’t think ever really got off the ground. Sunstorm was having the most success with their Deer Hunter line of games that at the time were selling well in Wal-Mart. Sadly, I eventually just lost touch with those guys.

I’m sure this is WAY more information than you were wanting (I’m a writer… I can’t help but go off the deep end!) but you dusted off some fond, old memories for me, so I apologize for walking so far down memory lane!

C: I see that you're still making maps, different kind of maps! This makes me wonder if maybe you were involved with W!Zone (a pack of maps for Warcraft 2 released by Sunstorm). Can you tell us a bit about that if possible?

BB: I didn’t have any hand in the W!Zone project for Sunstorm, but I loved the Warcraft series. As was common for many video gamers like me, who had roots in fantasy games like D&D, I played a lot of Warcraft and eventually got sucked into the world of MMOs with Ultima Online, Everquest, and World of Warcraft! If only I had back the time I sunk into those games!

These days I’m exclusively writing and designing for Dungeons and Dragons. I started about ten years ago writing for D&D Organized Play in a campaign called Living Forgotten Realms. I co-authored two adventures for that with my good friend, Michael Pearman, and authored a third adventure on my own. As you know from tracking me down via AAW Games, I’ve now authored six adventures for them, five of which are already published and one that is still in the works but should be released soon.

When I do manage to find time for video games, Diablo III is my game of choice these days. I’m looking forward to Season 22 starting here shortly, and like many others, I’m really hoping for something great with Diablo IV. I’ve been a huge fan of the series since the beginning, and even wrote an entire campaign for D&D 5E that translated the story of Diablo III into Dungeons and Dragons for the players in my home game! Thanks again for the opportunity to share some of this history. It was fun putting it all down and reliving those days!

C: There are two signatures in the Truck Stop level for Route 66. Do you remember anything about that ? There also several levels with no known credit : Fun Park, House of ill Repute, Mystery Dino Cave, Bigfoot Convention.

The signature on the truck stop is Route 66 was a joke! I was the only designer on that one. I just signed it "Billy Joe Jim Bob Buchalter" as a joke for bad redneck name. I wasn't the kind of guy that had to sign my maps the EXACT same way every time. :)

Other than the truck stop, I don't recall designing any other maps for Route 66. I pretty sure none of those you listed below were mine, but I don't recall whose they were.

Finally, here are some final comments Bill made after reading through some forum posts:

Wow, I am really quite humbled that you guys looked so deeply into my work! The fact that you could recognize my build style is pretty cool - I didn't even know I had a style! LOL. The truth be told, the reason you probably had so much trouble telling my levels from Robert's is because he was a big influence on me. I learned a lot from him and incorporated a lot of that into the stuff I built.

Its funny how reading through that thread you linked brought back memories... I remember now that my biggest disappointment from Duke Caribbean was that my only level in the game ended up being a secret level - that some people wouldn't even find it or ever play it. I was actually pretty excited about that level. I was the one that suggested a casino because my folks had retired to Vegas, so I'd been in a lot of the casinos there and had some great ideas for the map. I'd forgotten all about the restaurant I worked into it, and the big fish tanks.

There seems to be some debate about Robert. From what I remember, he was a really good guy. Maybe a bit tough to work for, but only because he really strived for our designs to be the best they could be, and he demanded that of both himself and the other designers. As I said before, I learned early on to accept criticism and critique and not take it personally. It was just Robert doing his job. I'll be the first to admit that I designed better levels thanks to the stuff I learned from Robert.

Someone on the message board made a very astute comment, basically to the effect that "Bill had to have other work out there. Sunstorm wouldn't hire an unproven guy off the street." But truth be told, that's exactly what they did! I hadn't done a single thing before working there. But I think a few things played in my favor. First, I lived in Indy, just 15 minutes from their office, so it was easy for me to go in and work directly with Robert. Second, while I didn't have anything officially published, I did have a disk full of the maps I'd designed on my own, and Robert thought I showed promise. I would design at home a lot, then go into the office a couple times a week and sit with Robert while he critiqued my work and offered advice on how to improve it.

I'll be honest - I'm blown away at the number of people STILL playing these old maps we made so many years ago. I watched a couple YouTube videos of a guy playing and reviewing Duke Caribbean and Blood Cryptic Passage. His high praise of both Full House and the Opera House really made my day. It's nice to know that people enjoyed my work.

_____________________________

Thanks a lot to Bill Buchalter for taking the time to answer these questions! Thanks also for sharing... “Big City” !

A Duke Nukem 3D map he created back in the day before joining with Sunstorm Interactive which was never released before! Screenshot:

Map download:

https://msdn.duke4.net/bigcity.zip

______

External link: Duke4 forum blog megathread: https://forums.duke4.net/topic/11471-blog-interviews-of-build-engine-video-games-developers/page__pid__353013#entry353013 The forum posts Bill read, mentionned above, can be found here: https://forums.duke4.net/topic/9418-duke-caribbean-multiplayer-levels/

#build #build-engine #blood #duke nukem #redneck-rampage #duke #nukem #duke nukem 3D #video games #route 66 #caribbean life #cryptic passage

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nattsunoyume · 5 years ago

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Something that always bothered me about All For The Game is the lack of verisimilitude in its portrayal of languages and bi/multilinguals. So, because I’m a firm believer that critiques are useful (especially to other writers who might not be familiar with this reality) and because I want to give you a more realistic portrayal of our favorite characters, I’ll be analyzing where Nora Sakavic went wrong and what would be more truthful to each of our beloved characters (I’ll be focusing mainly on Kevin and Neil, but also the Minyard twins – no Nicky because his fluency is pretty believable).

SO, stick around if you’re a) interested in multilingualism b) are a writer who could benefit from reading this/use the critiques I’ll make as a reference c) are interested in deeper dynamics of your favorite characters

First of all, I want to make sure you all know that I’m not saying that this lack of depth in Nora’s work is in any way detrimental to the story. But, with a narrative that utilizes foreign languages use as a plot point, I have to say that Sakavic’s portrayal just fell flat. Being bi/multilingual is very nuanced and has very interesting and complicated dynamics that can shape and give character to a narration/story. Knowing how to speak multiple languages is not just a feat that you can use like a superpower every now and then and then forget about it (*cof cof* that’s exactly what Neil does *cof cof*). Also, disclaimer: I don’t know whether Sakavic speaks any language other than English, but from her portrayal of foreign language speakers I’ll assume that she does not. Disclaimer number two: I’m writing this as a multilingual (I speak four languages), a linguist (I study linguistic mediation) and writer myself, so I feel like I’m qualified enough. I’d love to have other bi/multilinguals add their thoughts though!

To begin our analysis, let’s go over the three things that Nora got /very/ wrong:

Time: the length of time that it takes any character to become proficient in a language is incredibly off. e.g. from what we see with the Minyards I’d say that they are portrayed to have a B2/C1 level* in German, this just from studying the language as an off-course for three-ish years. As much as I’d love that to be true, you can’t become that fluent in that small of a time frame (unless you dedicate each of your living, breathing moments to said language; and we can all agree that the twins did not, in fact, do that). Neil is also another concerning example: he is portrayed to have – once again – B2/C1 levels (I’m deducing this from the way he is said to be speaking – never struggles to find words, speaks fluently without having to stop, is very witty and confident in the languages he uses). We’ll go over some quotes in the following part, for now just know that, given the context in which he learnt these languages, his fluency is completely unrealistic.

Vocabulary: the characters are shown to use vocabulary that is not, in fact, that easy to use when speaking a foreign language. You don’t need to speak multiple language to know that, when learning, you focus on more common words and phrases (the specific language comes much later-on: I’d say C1-C2). But the foxes use very specific language (e.g. the Minyards all understand the word “dashboard lighter”, “gopher” – those are not words that you learn in high-school-level German. They’re words that you learn with extensive use of the language/extensive reading). There are better ways to include a character’s not-that-high-proficiency rather than just make them all-knowing: how do you portray a certain lack in vocabulary without hindering the narrative? Gesturing (Character A doesn’t remember word X so they trail off and mimic it) or roundabout ways to say a certain word (i.e. You don’t remember the word vase so you use “the thing to hold flowers”) are great alternatives to get a point across!!

Sentence Structure: this is probably the thing that bothered me the most, because it shows laziness in writing. When speaking in a different language, the sentence structure remains unvaried!!! If Sakavic didn’t mention that a certain sentence/exchange happened in X language, you wouldn��t be able to tell at all. But, when speaking in a foreign language you’ll use easier syntax – it’s a small change but it truly goes a long way. You also won’t use complicated tenses or long, overly difficult sentences. That’s because, when speaking in a foreign language, your major aim is to get a message across. Your job as a writer is to show this change. Writing what you want your characters to say and then slapping a “X said in X language” isn’t enough, it’s lazy.

* I’m using CEFRL levels all throughout this analysis, it’s the abbreviation of Common European Framework of Reference for Languages. Its levels go from A1 to C2. Where A1 is very early beginner, A2 is elementary stage. B1 is intermediate, B2 is upper intermediate (where you basically can have normal, every-day life conversations without any hindrance – you can also read books with only some inconvenience). Finally, C1 is almost fluent, in this level you can approach Specific Vocabulary and Specific Speech (for example, you could – if you were interested in it – talk about deeper topics, ie. Philosophy, Science etc. with little to no difficulty) and C2 is deep proficiency, where you’re basically fluent. If you need to read more about it click here

I’ll now analyze Neil and Kevin’s respective use of the language. Neil is supposed to be a self-taught learner, whereas Kevin grew up with native speakers so their approaches and fluency are going to be very different and diverse.

Let’s talk about Neil, first.

Here’s the thing: his fluency is more believable than that of the twins, and that’s because he actually lived in the places where those languages are spoken (that accelerates learning rates because you’re fully immersed in the language). But the thing is 1) He lived there for a too short period of time: 18 months in French speaking locations does not grant you the fluency that he demonstrates in French. 2) Yes, he lived there, but he was HIDING: I’ll assume he didn’t attend school or even have lengthy conversations with native speakers, so, apart from essential conversations, he probably didn’t interact that much with native speakers 3) He is said to be reading as much as he can, but I can assure you that reading and speaking are two completely different ordeals. He should not be so fluent in speaking. From what we know of Neil (very smart, quick witted and has a deeper reasoning for being fluent in those languages) I’d say that it would be much more believable to have him be a B2 (AT BEST) in German and a B1 (again, AT BEST) in French. So, let’s see how a B2 conversation in German would work shall we?

As you can see, it’s still perfectly legible, except it uses simpler words (seriously? Skimming? Gopher?) and less-fancy sentences. Of course, how Sakavic wrote it sounds cooler , but if we want to showcase a stark difference this is the way to go. The key to writing a foreign language speaker (that’s not a C1-C2) when you’re not a foreign language speaker is to ask yourself: would I have been able to come up with a word like this in middle school? If the answer is no, then don’t use it. Another tip is to ask yourself, is this word that I’m using the most common synonym? Or is there a easier, more approachable word? Go for the basic vocab first.

Let’s now talk about Kevin. Ironically enough, he is the character that – alongside Nicky – is the most believable in having the highest fluency and yet, he’s the one that showcases his fluency the least out of all the foxes *sigh*. Also, ironically enough, he’s the character that should showcase this fluency the most and here’s why: this guy grew up in a highly multilingual context!!! He’s a native English speaker who grew up speaking Japanese and, later on, French! From what we know of Kevin’s upbringing I’d venture to say that he speaks fluent Japanese (C1-C2 levels) because he was exposed to it from a very early age (and kids learn languages at an easier and faster rate than teenagers and adults alike). Similarly to Japanese, we can assume that he came in contact with Jean at 10-13 years old, still in the perfect prime for learning languages with ease. Because he spent so much of his life in a multilingual environment, I’d imagine he employed a heavy use of code mixing/code switching. What is code-mixing/code-switching? I’m Glad you asked!! It’s the mixing of words, phrases, clauses or even complete sentences of two (or more) languages. Code-mixing happens within the same sentence (this is INCREDIBLY common between multilinguals; I cannot stress this enough. If I’m with someone that speaks my same languages there won’t be a sentence that I utter that will be only in one language and that’s because code-switching is faster: instead of having to scramble for words in a certain language I can just use the first one that comes to mind.), whereas code-switching happens in a conversation (so one sentence will be in a language and the following in another one). So, Kevin’s problem in his realistic portrayal is the opposite of Neil: where Neil sounds too much of a multilingual when he shouldn’t (he speaks multiple languages, which is arguably different from being multilingual), Kevin sounds too little like one. You can’t look me in the eyes and tell me that someone that spent his entire life surrounded by two different languages doesn’t struggle with self-expression when that environment is taken away. Think about it: the closest people to him were Riko (Japanese-speaker) and Jean (French-speaker, who is said to speak with a thick French-accent: that means that when he came to the Nest he probably wasn’t fluent in English), Kevin must have spent the better part of his life submerged in those languages and then he leaves. And you mean to tell me he doesn’t struggle with using ONLY English to express himself? Bullshit. Arguably Kevin is the character that, throughout the series, struggles with his identity the most, his multilingualism is part of that!! Address it you cowards!!!!! Multilinguals showcase slightly different personalities with each change of language! What’s he like in French! What’s he like in Japanese! Plus never, in the series does he forget a word. It’s so unrealistic I could cry.

Lastly, I’d like to tackle a big issue in Sakavic’s lack of awareness of LSPs. LSP (language for specific purposes) indicates a subset of a specific language. LSPs vary from the common everyday use of a language, it concerns those branches of language that aren’t the vocabulary or sentence structure you would need on a day-to-day basis (e.g. the language used in the medical field, language used in business settings etc.). To make a long story short: every foreign language learner knows/will eventually know all common vocabulary, but not every learner will know certain LSPs. As an author writing about bi/multilinguals it’s important to make the distinction between Common Language and LSP. This is an issue in Nora’s work because every character uses words that are related to certain fields with an ease that’s unrealistic – once again, I know I’m being nit-picky but these things are important. Why is Andrew able to understand gang-related language in a language that he learned from high school and from his cousin who is very much not a gang member? Whilst Neil is perfectly able to understand words like the french for “withdrawal” without batting an eye. And I know, I know, that I should suspend my disbelief and just go with it, but I don’t want to. These are the things that, as an author that wants to use speaking multiple languages as a plot device, are essential to the building of the narrative-world. You don’t get to use language-speaking as a deus ex machina to then not acknowledge it entirely when it’s not useful. Have your characters forget words! Have them stop to think about the sentence structure! Have them pronounce things weird! Have them speak in easier patterns! Have them say things wrong! Have them flail their arms about trying to mimic what they mean! Have them ask people what a certain word means! Or have them understand said word from its context! Speaking languages has nuances, so please keep them in mind!!! You can include these touches and still make a story entertaining, please don’t forgo them just because it’s easier to ignore them.

Finally, I’d like to offer an example of a GOOD portrayal of bilingualism and, specifically, of LSP awareness. It’s an excerpt from C.S. Pacat’s Captive Prince Series. Pacat speaks multiple languages herself and this deeper understanding is reflected in her work. You can’t begin to understand how happy reading this paragraph made me. It’s a simple addition, but it made the entire story feel much more realistic and relatable to me. The excerpt is from Prince’s Gambit and it holds not spoilers (if you haven’t read the book don’t worry, this is just for comparison-purposes).

It’s not even a page’s worth, it doesn’t delay or obstruct the narration. Instead, it makes it feel all the more real. Imagine what All For The Game could’ve been with similar assessments on Neil’s part.

Anyway, I’d have so many headcanons concerning a deeper assessment of the foxes’ language skills (mainly concerning Kevin because I speak all the languages that he speaks so I might be a bit biased) but I’ve written too much already. If you’ve reached this further down thank you! Please let me know what you think or, if you need any further insights/questions, please don’t shy away and come ask them to me! If you need help with references, analysis of this sort or anything really, I’d love to help!

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madilove04-blog · 4 years ago

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The tragedy at the Ballet Arts School.

In the Ballet Arts School, students express their selves through dance. At times with females and males being around each other and it being majority females there, it can get a little chaotic…Even resulting in death. You have authorities that are not actually the best and can be very sneaky. Let us start with the first person by the name Casey Shore. Not too many people liked her because of her power, how she treated people, and how good she was with dance. There could also be a chance that she had small situations with other girl’s boyfriends. So, people really had a reason not too like her and with all the things Casey had done it really made someone go to 100 quick. That person pushed Casey off the building hoping to have killed her. When the paramedics came, she was unresponsive and had to be put in the hospital. Now all the questions you heard were “what happened”,” how did she fall”, “was she pushed”. It was devastating news to hear at the school, but they had to go on with life. While all this was going on, there was another girl waiting to get in this school. Her name is McKenzie Peterson. It has been her dream of going here. This whole time, she was unaware of the tragedy that has happened. Being that Casey was in a coma, the Ballet School accepted McKenzie in. She thought they just realized that they needed her in the school, but really, they needed someone to take Casey place. Soon the disturbing truth will unravel and maybe even run her away. The good thing about this is that McKenzie was a surprise in a box. While McKenzie was settling in, the first 2 girls she came upon was June and Bett. Bett thought she was the best dancer there and did not want anyone new stepping in her spotlight. And June was just a follower at the time. 3:00 comes and it is time for practice. Of course, being that it is McKenzie first day, she does not have an assigned spot for her and with the instructor calling her out for not getting to a spot, it does not make it any better. The instructor critiqued her on everything she does. From her clothing, to posture, to how flexible she can be. It came to a time when they watched others perform in practice with a partner. McKenzie was talking to a guy named Tyler about how amazing john was. Tyler does not like john so much and told McKenzie that he thinks john pushed ‘her’. McKenzie did not know who he was referring to until he said “his girlfriend, Casey “. This left McKenzie with suspense and had her thinking. When practice was finally over, she was talking to some people about how her first day went and as you can see it did not go so well. So, her and Tyler went along to find better ballet shoes and of course Bett had to come in and harass her a little bit. That is just her way of showing that she is jealous being that McKenzie is a newcomer. Later, John went to the gym. While working out Tyler and a friend of his came in. They would not let john workout in piece without intimidating him into admitting her pushed Casey. After seeing John did not admit to it, they figured maybe he did not do it and finally left him alone.

McKenzie went back to her room to finish unpacking. As she was putting clothes in her drawer, she found a picture that was ripped in half and only showed Casey. This was very weird to her. So, she kept it to herself for now. Later that night certain students got invited to a “Doner Reception.” There, the dance teacher got a specific message from an anonymous person. The text said, “Ignore me all U like, the world will still know what U did”. He got nervous and asked, “who is this “they responded “someone you hurt”. He did not know what to do at that point but to carry on with the night and not think about it. After taking pictures and meeting people he kept getting messages from this unknown person. He knows now that he must watch the people around him because they are getting on him.

The next day McKenzie went onto the balcony to do some yoga. As she began to unroll her mat, she noticed a grey hoodie with a red zipper on it. She held it up to look at it, but she just put it back like she found it. To her it was just a thrown-out jacket not knowing it has a story behind it. Now all these things are happening to McKenzie. As she was looking through pictures before bed, she began to put a picture of her and her mother under the pillow, but something stuck her. When she moved the pillow over, she seen a white rose and a small note. The note said, “it is your turn to fly’. From the reader looking in they would instantly think of how it is an analogy to the falling of Casey Shore. McKenzie took this to her associate June. She immediately thought of it as a death threat to McKenzie and that she needs to take it to the police, but McKenzie does not take it seriously. June is trying to warn her that there are things McKenzie does not know about this place. June explained to her about what she saw the night Casey fell. She seen a dude with a big hoodie and McKenzie chimed in and said, “with a red zipper on it.” June wondered how she knew that, but McKenzie brushed it off and said it was just a guess.

The next morning the dance teacher was laid up in bed and got a message from that same anonymous person. They sent “I’m not going away “but let us be real, we know that it could not be Casey because she’s in a coma and haven’t waken up from it yet. No one expects it to be the dance teacher that would have pushed her because they never heard anything about the two. McKenzie and others are leaning on the side that her boyfriend did it. McKenzie asked john about the picture of Casey that was ripped in half and he took it and ran away with it. He lost his mind about that photo. So, when McKenzie came back to the dorm, she went to his room to go look for it and luckily john’s roommate was there to help her. They found the photo in a box full of items of Casey. It had a cut up bikini that she had worn in the photo. That is creepy.

Later, McKenzie was walking to go somewhere and at the time she was talking to her brother on the phone about the situation. She stopped at the crossing light and waited for their time to cross the street, but someone pushed her out there and she almost got hit by the bus. The first person to help her was john. McKenzie was so freaked out, she thought he was the one to push her and she quickly went to the officer that has been helping with the case. Shortly after they had to usher together for a show and talked about what everything meant and that he did it because she lied to him.

John was the one on the list for the hospital to call if anything changes with Casey, since he does not live far. Well, they called him about her and how she had blown a brain gasket. This had john so worried because they left off on bad terms. That is like the last thing you would want to be on with someone you love, not knowing what could happen when you leave. And it hurts even more since he still does not know if she just fell or someone pushed her, but something with the dance teacher got their mind moving. For this new dance called “the ripper”. They will be acting out their darkest capacities. After saying that he brought out the jacket McKenzie found out on the balcony. Everyone gasped and is now fear him some.

John occasionally visits Casey in the hospital and massages her legs and just talks to her with hope that she can hear him. This time was different as he was laying with her, she moved her fingers, and this gave him hope that she was slowly coming out of the coma. He immediately went to the doctors about what he saw, but they did not believe him. They said she had a sepsis induced seizure and that it means her body is shutting down. This made john pack some clothes and go to the hospital to stay with her, but upon his arrival her parents were there. He did not know they flew in to see her, but it was new awaiting him. The parents want to pull the plug. At this point john does not know what to do anymore. This is heartbreaking for them all, so he tries to convince the parents to wait a while longer and not run the machines yet, but they did not listen. So multiple students at the school surprises john and supports him through this. The only ones in the room currently are the doctor, parents, and the boyfriend. They finally took the machine off her and it got very sad, but after almost a minute later the machine started beeping again as she started breathing on her own. She started taking real breaths and opening her eyes. Later, that night after the parents left it was just the boyfriend and officer in there and Casey stated trying to talk. The officer had to show her fast how she can talk to them and the first thing she said was “pushed not fall” repeatedly, but then she fell back asleep. Apparently, the dance teacher heard about it and went to see her the next day. She was startled when she seen him walking in the room and even tried to run away but she could not walk yet. She tried to call the doctors in there to help her, but he unplugged the cord. She was so scared that he would hurt her. And better yet, he threatened her that if the truth has anything to do with him, he will hurt her. John in the room to visit her and seen what was going on between the two and told the teacher he had no business being here. Whatever he told Casey made her turn on the boyfriend and this did not end well. She made him leave and told him what they had was never real. He tried explaining that they loved each other but she said it was just a summer fling. She eventually talks to the officer again and realizes its time to catch the one who did this to her. They had the teacher arrested and she now can live a better life knowing the person who almost killed her is gone for good.

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