#its literally the *scottish* play

[chronically-chaotic-cryptid]

Forever annoyed by the lack of Scottish accents in Macbeth adaptations

[trenchcroats]

I actually just found what seems like a really good music player app just now

[willskempen]

in light of recent events: fuck off england

[givemaycoffee]

Sitting here and listening to all the languages/accents around me, and I just remembered that post about how American accents belong in the tv.

Spain Spanish speakers feel that way to me. Why does your Spanish sound like that. Get back in the television. What the heck.

[faerymercy]

💭

[intheshadowsbehindyou]

Mercenaries finding random kid in the base. Who will punt the child and who will take care of it

Oh boy.

The TF2 Mercs finding a random little toddler in the base

Warnings: Thankfully none?

Scout:

- Oh god oh fuck oh shit. Stiffens up when a random fucking toddler runs by him in the hallway. He was just on his way to grab some more energy drinks from the fridge. Who let this little shit into a war zone?! Scout’s brotherly instincts kick in pretty damn quick and runs to grab the child before they could get into any artillery.

- Talks to a child how he’d talk to a normal adult. Just with less cursing and petty condescension. “The heck you doin’ here?” etc.. While the toddler completely ignores him. Bounces the little thing up and down a little. Scout’s actually had decent socialization with kids before due to his huge family.

- Scout doesn’t realize how comforting he is to a young developing mind. He’d make a great father and adamantly denies it. Partly due to his own father’s… untimely disappearance let’s just say. The other mercs are kinda floored how someone as annoying and troublesome as Scout has even the slightest amount of paternal instincts. Especially Spy. Hmm, for some reason he looks completely destroyed and devastated.

- Scout rolls a baseball on the ground with the kid and teases them lightly while Miss Pauling — stressed out of her mind — tries to find resources for this situation and figure out how a child of all things managed to end up in the middle of a battlefield. Let’s just pretend Spy isn’t standing there with his head in his hand. Realizing the consequences of his own past actions with utter depression written all over his outward body language.

————————————————————————

Soldier:

- DO NOT LET A CHILD NEAR SOLDIER. NEVER. DO NOT FUCKING DO IT.

- Are you insane? Are the parents insane? Is everyone in the world fucking insane? Soldier is practically an oversized toddler. He’d immediately make friends upon finding the child and give them a shitty nickname related to war in some way. Like “Captain diapers” or “Lieutenant Titsucker.” Now everyone else has to suffer soldier insisting the baby is his now.

- Tries to teach the child how to shoot a gun. Does not blow over well with literally all the mercs combined. Tries to read them the art of warfare and Heavy secretly has to switch that book out for a children’s fairytale mid story. Leaving soldier confused as to why the alleged warfare book contained faries and unicorns. “AND THEN MR. UNICORN SAID TO HIS FRIEND THE FAIRY: WHAT LOVELY LOCKS YOU HAVE. DEAR GOD!! THIS MUST BE SOME ADVANCED MILITARY STRATAGEM BEYOND MY UNDERSTANDING! GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ITS OUTSTANDING STEADFAST PROGRESSION!”

- Miss Pauling is absolutely livid when she finds out Soldier gave the baby a buzz cut. How the FUCK is she supposed to explain that to the parents? How the fuck is she supposed to explain that their lost child will come back knowing half the entire history of WWI now and knows how to recite the pledge of allegiance at like two years old?!

—————————————————————————-

Demoman:

- Demoman is initially pretty awkward. Quickly downs like several glasses of water in one sitting because it would obviously be a horrible example if he was drunk in front of a minor. He sits them down and tries to ask questions like where their parents were, and failing to understand the child’s not yet fully developed speech. Demoman suddenly empathizes what people mean when they can’t understand his scottish accent. Well shit. Looks like he has a little goblin in his care for a few hours.

- Demoman has a headache now. Surprisingly not from the child’s excited screeching and playing but the previously mentioned alcohol he had to manage with water. “Aye.. Quiet down a bit there..” He says flatly. Miserably holding his head while the child bounces around with endless energy. Maybe babysitting while recovering from intoxication wasn’t the best idea. He gave the kid some empty bomb shells to play with. Even bothered to draw faces on them to humor the kid.

- The child holds one of the shells up to his face “This is bob! Say hi!” they exclaim. Demoman stares at bob tiredly. Taking the shell into two fingers. “Guess you could say bob is the bomb.” The kid manages to stutter out. Which then immediately snaps demoman out of his exhaustion for a split second and causes him to choke on the water laughing his ass off. The kid’s laughing too. Overall the least insane experience the poor kid could have in the team’s base.

———————————————————————

Engineer:

- A small baby is in the intel room, trying to reach the briefcase. Naturally, the sound of the intelligence shifting in the other room would catch Engineer’s ears faster than anyone else’s. Especially considering the stats on his PDA show something bumped against one of his sentries on its way in.

- He enters the room pretty slowly. He knew whatever it was, it wasn’t a threat. Nothing that could bap his sentry with the force of a feather would be strong enough to fend him off. Let alone the patrolling sentry — which should have activated and began shooting by now. A blank, emotionless expression on his face as always, Engineer’s eyes trailed to the level three sentry. Which kept idly spinning from side to side and beeping passively. Completely ignoring the… Little child near the intel desk?!

- Engineer grinned, put his wrench on his shoulder and went over, sliding the briefcase away from the little one. “Oop! You don’t wanna get your grubby little paws on that thing, pardner. That there is for the adults, ya got that?” He said in a lighter tone. Very much unlike his usual rasp and frankly unintentionally scary deep voice. He didn’t care that the poor thing started whining. Dell reached down and ruffled the child’s hair. “Now, now. I know it’s disappointing.”

- Not even when the child hugged his legs and called him dada, not even when Miss Pauling asked to watch them for a bit. Engineer was like a nonchalant father lion tolerating his cub’s obnoxious little bites. A child could push his buttons to hell and back and Engineer would just sit there like there wasn’t a screaming child on his lap while he read the Tuefort newspaper.

————————————————————————

Heavy:

- If heavy were to be near a child in any capacity, it would make him nervous. His sisters were a different story. They’re family. But wild encounters with the beasts? What should he do? He doesn’t know them, and frankly he hates the idea of having kids. They’re way too much work, money, and his inner child wasn’t healed enough to take on another one. In a weird sort of way he’d be taking care of two.

- as he stares blankly at the little devil in front of him, the one he found trying to touch Sasha, he contemplated throwing them into the stratosphere like a baseball. His strong disliking for children didn’t come from a place of genuine malice however. He was envious that they still had youth and time to pursue everything they ever wanted. Heavy wanted to do many things in his lifetime and he felt that it was ripped from him due to the poverty he lived through.

- He recalled the time he made a child one time during Halloween and decided not to repeat that. He’ll pick up the child and shove it into Pyro’s room.. With a million dollars in the kid’s hand.

——————————————————————-

Pyro:

- Speaking of Pyro, they’re quite similar to Heavy in the sense that their inner child isn’t healed. But Pyro is once again able to destroy everybody’s outlook on them when they are capable of adeptly playing with children without ever hurting them. Especially catering to their personal needs depending on age. Can and will silently warm up a teddy bear in the microwave and hand them a bottle of chocolate milk.

- Pyro is extremely good at this, all things considered. They seem to have a pretty surface level understanding of childhood psychology and the proper ways to enforce a gentle parenting style. Which only adds to the mysterious era of their humanity; surely a faceless monster couldn’t do the things Pyro was doing. They were too calculated, too thoughtful in their actions. It made the other mercs pretty upset to see this display. In a sense, it was border-lining uncanny valley. Nobody could shake the primitive instinct that something was inherently wrong with this. They don’t even ask for help.

- But nothing violent becomes of it. Pyro had successfully eased the child into feeling comfortable the entire time they’re there. Not a single word left their mouth the entire time. They were only staring intently and tilting their head like a curious animal at the child by the time Pauling finally found the child’s parents. Scout jokes that Pyro is simply playing with his own mouse like a cat and has to be backhanded by a very uneasy Heavy.

—————————————————————————

Sniper:

- His parents — whilst nice — had their own individual flaws that prevented them from teaching this area of life. They did not think Sniper would be ever fit to raise a child and thus neglected his want for a small family. To be fair they aren’t too far off. Sniper is an assassin for hire that drives around nomadically and eats crocodiles for dinner. In no way shape or form would that ever be a proper atmosphere for a child to grow. He took their words to heart as always. He never did pursue a child. His father was angry that Sniper even thought of the idea.

- So imagine the guilt upon seeing the little rat bastard who had wandered into the base and was stumbling around the halls. He quickly realized this kid was essentially doomed. He was the wrong person to find this poor thing. The others weren’t any better. Removing his weapons was the very first thing he does, trying his best to conceal his expression. He didn’t want the child to sense his anger and self loathing. (Kids are sorta smart like that.)

- He then…. Throws the child into Pyro’s room.

————————————————————————-

Medic:

- Walks into his medbay with a bunch of folders. Sees a child sitting on one of the hospital beds. Proceeds to freeze in place like a deer in headlights. Has to double take for a moment to make sure he’s not dreaming.

- Proceeds to ignore the child for a bit for some reason. Even when and if other mercs are present and question him, Medic hushes them for some reason. Medic is like…. Fully convinced that child is an enemy spy in disguise. He moves around the room and half-asses a “Ho! Would sure be a shame if somebody stabbed me in the back while I was organizing papers!…. I SAID it would be a SHAME if SOMEBODY STABBED ME IN THE BACK!” (He fully believes this’ll work because Medic’s superiority complex doesn’t stop at Spy. He’s fully confident that he’s smarter than Spy, and Spy is a complete bumbling moron. Like most people to Medic.)

- The child makes a weird child noise, and that’s when he knows something is up. Medic narrows his eyes and marches up to the bed, staring the child maliciously in the face. “You don’t fool me, you know..” He says, gritting his teeth. “Is your kit broken or something? I can fix it for you for free! It’ll cost you an arm and limb though! Ho! Literally.” He adds “It’s quite an unflattering disguise for someone such as yourself!”

- Child stares blankly. Toddler has no clue what’s happening right now.

- Miss Pauling walks in. “Oh! There he is! Sorry for the interruption Medic, we had a child wander into the base—“ she pauses. Seeing Medic holding his ubersaw up to the child’s chin.

- “What do you mean we had a child wander in?” He is dumbfounded, and horrified.

————————————————————————

Spy:

- Spy opens the door to his quarters and makes sure to lock it behind him, always. He has like a million booby traps set up on his door and in his room to ensure nobody goes snooping for his private information.

- He turns around, adjusting his tie. Getting ready for the trauma of the day….. Then he sees a child sitting right in front of him in the hallway. The two of them lock eyes for a moment.

- …….

- Spy cloaks away immediately.

[scoutsbabygirl]

I would like to see headcanons from you about how your favorite mercenaries realize that they fall in love with the reader :333

🎷🐛

my first request! hi my little meow meow! i wrote for all the mercs bc why not?! fluff below the cut! also written in headcannon form! idk how to write for soldier (i just don't see the appeal)

scout:

-why did ms. pauling have to be lesbian???

-when you came along he was immediately drawn to you, maybe it was because you were new and young

-he's way too cocky around you and acts like he doesn't care about you

-after a stern talking to by spy, jeremy decides to ask you out

-other than sports, jeremy loves to paint and draw and is surprisingly good at it. he asks you to make some art with him and of course he draws you

-this melts your heart and you've fallen for him. he's just waiting for the right time to confess and ask you to be his

soldier:

-man has zhanna

pyro:

-hearing you say "you're all good! no worries!" after he lights the hem of you shirt, almost burning you alive. he feels a spark...literally

-pyro slinks around you where ever you may be. in the kitchen baking? pyros throwing flour all over the kitchen. working out? pyros cheering you on. got some spare time? pyros got some crayons, colored pencils and a bunch of coloring books

-spending time with a masked man that the team fears has him drawn to you. the mercs warned you about him, you never felt intimated by pyro yet understood yet you could understand why he was treated differently

-if you're ever sad he will give you the best comfort. he's never shown himself to the mercs but once he sees you cry the mask is coming off and expect kisses to be planted over you

-its a very intimate moment and he just admits it then. he's never had anyone love him back, he's always been depicted as a monster.

heavy:

- won't approach you first. he waits for you to make a move. he knows his size is intimidating in itself and doesn't want to scare you away.

-he's a gentle giant. he's very careful with his words and movements. he's so paranoid that you'll view him as something he's not on the inside.

- one night you cooked with him and he told you all about his life back home, showed you photos of his sisters and taught you basic russian (assuming you don't know any already)

-if you speak russian he'll be over the moon or if you use the simple russian he's taught you he loves you just a little bit more. he adores your accent when you stumble over certain pronunciation. he knows you're the one for him

-when he decides to confess he handwrites you a long poem with an russian to english translation on two separate pages. after he signs his name he writes that he won't bring this up unless you do

-please don't break his heart. he's so sensitive

demo:

- when he confesses he's drunk as fuck. he doesn't even remember when you bring it up the next day.

-is so embarrassed. he's hungover and groggy. he plays it off by acting defensive. "i was just drunk! i meant nothing by it!"

-in the inside he's freaking out. he wanted to plan it out. it's only been 7 or 8 months since you've been at teufort but he fell so quick for you.

-3am outside pointing at the constellations, telling you about old celtic, scottish myths and folklore, shit talking the other mercs, and an accidental kiss on the lips he caught feeling for you right then and there.

- he's willing to give up scrumpy just to have you reciprocate the same feelings for him. 🤞

engineer:

-lord, he used so many pet names with you; "check this out, sweet pea", "you look beautiful, darling", "i made pancakes, you want any hon?"

-he knows his voice with a combination of his pet names do something to you. he loves when you call him those names back!

-compliment his cooking! bbq is his specialty! he'll gladly eat up anything you make. hungry boi :3

-he loves when you spend time with him in his workshop, working on his little metal trinkets warms his soul. he tries to teach you about the intricate parts of engineering. it's okay if you don't understand, he's more than willing to break it down for you and teach you a bite-sized version quantum mechanics

-friday night. a few beers in. a lot of work finished. "(y/n), i know i'm a bit older and dusty at the whole romance thing but" he pauses "you ain't seeing anyone right now, are you?"

medic:

-he either falls in love with you the second he lays his eyes on you or it takes many, many months for him to catch feelings for you. regardless, of how long the process takes his love for you becomes an obsession.

-you begin lingering around his office, inquiring about his tools and weapons. he finds it very interesting that you're not startled by him and his... unethical ways of "doctor assisted suicide"

-internal battles with his conscience. does he want to rip your organs out and shove them in the wrong places? he wants to slice your arteries one by one. yes, he wants to cut your jugular and see how much you bleed before dying. alas, he won't. you're too beautiful to be cut up into pieces. he doesn't want you to die by his hands, he doesn't know what he would do with himself.

-"guten morgen, wie gehts?!" has him weak. just a simple phrase you've rehearsed a few times. you though he would appreciate you taking time out of your day to learn his native tongue. he thinks this is your way of flirting with it (and perhaps it is).

-occasionally he'll call you into his office, not for a checkup by any means but rather just to chat (on company time). he removes the gloves and runs his hands over the scars on your face and neck. "schätzelein, i have been feeling some way for a while."

sniper:

-he is such a cunt. he's so rude and bitchy to you. his attitude causes you to avoid contact with mick at all costs and he avoids you like the plague. he spends a lot of time in his van anyways so staying away from you isn't too hard.

-seeing you hurt breaks his heart. he decides to visit you in medbay after your broke your arm. the baboo uterus experiment procedure wasn't finished by the time you got hurt. you notice how out of character it is but appreciate it regardless. he brings you a little necklace made with animal teeth (him making jewerly with animal bones is the most canon-noncanon headcanon.)

-after you get a cast you ask him to sign it. next to his name he writes a little heart. then scribbles it out. and draws a skull underneath it.

-butterflies in his stomach when he lays eyes on you. he hates that he's gotten feelings for you. you're his teammate, not his partner. not yet atleast. no? why is he thinking like this.

-it's obvious that mick is touch starved of attention, he want to be validated and appreciated. he's also getting shit from his teammates so when you begin to stand up for him and complimenting him he looses his mind.

"scout, you're being mean. no wonder you have no dad, i would leave too. " "he's not ugly at all. you're old and its evident enough in those wrinkles of yours."

-oh god. who knew a petite little thing like you could spit venom. he wants to tell you how he feels so badly but he doesn't want to loose you as a friend.

spy:

-he'll flirt with you before even developing feelings for you. always trying to court you, inviting you over at late hours. he just wants to get laid tbh.

-you're playing hard to get. it excites him a bit but he's much older now so if anything he's annoyed that you won't sleep with him. he tries being more romantic and pushes idea the idea of getting with you sexually and takes a different approach.

-smoking on his red velvet couch until the sun begins to rise, sharing cigs together. he has a small stash of weed (he stole it from scout) but coughs when he smokes it, earning a plethora of giggles from you. now he's smiling and laughing with you despite his lungs being filled with smoke.

-stacks of guy de maupassant on his table near the red couch, he reads the love poems to you and translates it to you. please snuggle up into his chest and try to read the french words yourself. your pronunciation is horrible and your accent is awful. you sound so cute yet so pathetic at the same time.

-he tries to keep his feelings hidden for as long as he can. of course, it slips out. he's stopped wearing the balaclava when around you (and only you, even his own son doesn't know what he truly looks like) so the bright red blush is evident on his face. he tries taking back what he said but there's no use as your already face first into his chest.

[art-missy]

"You're writing fanfictions about us ?" you asked, your eyes widening in surprise.

Clove started to giggle like the maniacal pixie that they were as their fingers played with some random dice. You sat down on their bed as your eyes traveled on the words written in their notebook.

"So, what do you think ?" they asked, leaning towards you.

"I think that your imagination is somewhat frightening," you chuckled lightly and turned a page. "You even did illustrations !?"

Their smile only widened at your words as you admired their arts. The crazyness and passion baked onto these pages resulted in a chaotic and sparkly madness that was a beautiful representation of Clove's peculiar mind. The fact that they took the time to fill a complete notebook full of scenarios where the agents of the protocol were the main characters still baffled you. You were even among the pages living crazy adventures.

"Clove, darling, my dear Scottish stardust pixie," you sighed in a very dramatic way. "I don't know if I want to expose this in a museum or hide it from everyone's eyes."

"Well, I'm pretty sure Cypher already saw it," they hummed. "His eyes are literally everywhere."

Clove leaned a bit closer to you, the mischief in their eyes sparkling like lost stars bathing in an ancient ocean.

"The reason I showed you this is because I wanted to live a scenario that I wrote about us two."

"Hm ?" your eyebrows raised slightly. "Which one ?"

They bit their lower lip to silent their laughter as they turned the pages of the notebook. Your eyes then fell on the scenario they meant. As your read the lines, your eyes widened and your face flushed. Maniacal butterflies took ownership of your stomach and time released your brain from its hold. Your voice was stolen from you as your astounded gaze fell on a very graphic illustration of Clove and you.

"Damn," you murmured after a moment of silence.

Their nose scrunched in mirth at your loudly silent flusteredness. They mentally took a picture of your face to redraw it later.

"So ? What do you say ?"

[starryylies]

Tf-141 and Roblox.

<This is a kinda satire post cuz I’m stupid and I can’t think. Im so sorry if its really out of character and stupid but hope you enjoy>

Reader is younger (19-20), cussing, mention of bullying kids (satire), ooc, live love Roblox and yes

~ Me on Roblox ~

Price-

-he didn’t know what Roblox was until you explained the whole thing to him.

-he first thought it was a blocks game for kids

-he calls it roadblox 💀

-you made him start off playing speed run with you since you both could play together and race :D

-but long story short he could not finish through the first level.

-he always strayed away from the path and ended up dying more than 7 times in 5 minutes.

-easy to say he got frustrated and stopped playing the game :(((

-you convinced him to try another game which is easier Better for beginners

- he agreed and you made him play tower of hell

- he hates it.

-played speed draw once and got annoyed that his masterpiece of a drawing lost to a scrambled egg.

-doesn’t play Roblox again. Buys you robux though.

Simon-

-‘’what the fuck is robust love!?!?’’

-‘siiii it’s robux’

-‘I ain’t playing that

-‘you don’t have to play just pay 🥺’

-‘I ain’t paying for that unless I know what this shit is’

- he regrets saying that.

-you made him play aimblox.

-he fails miserably.

-calls it a stupid game for kids (HOW DARE HE!?!)

-you get pissed at him. (Pissed as in you don’t talk to him for a day)

-he makes it up to you by buying robux.

-(love is in the air again 😍)

-won’t ever call it a stupid kids game again. (Learnt his lesson)

-you find him trying to play Roblox again when he’s alone, trying to get better.

-he will deny that he enjoys the game till the end of time.

-he reaches lvl70 in a week.

-blames you for making him addicted to the game.

-loves you though. (Loves the game too won’t admit it though)

Johnny‘’Soap’’MacTavish-

-likes shooting games a lot.

-plays lots of themmmm.

-has a family with three kids in Brookhaven with two pet chickens which he sometimes eats.

-(I’m vegetarian)

-you’re his family on Brookhaven and he named the kids with your name and his name mixed.

-will fight kids in speed draw. Literally.

-jk he doesn’t bully kids he just starts writing in hashtags when he’s pissed. Or Scottish.

-loves breaking into other peoples (gaz’s) home in Brookhaven.

-loves going to those restaurant games with you.

Kyle ‘gaz’ Garrick-

-pro gamer.

-loves zombie uprising and many shooting games.

-loves those short horror story games.

-loves going on them with you to scare the shit outta you. (He’s the one who gets scared)

-pretty rich in Brookhaven.

-has lots of robux on him.

-has finished all the stages in speed run with all the dimensions.

-pro in tower of hell, like actual pro.

-tried playing mimic, he never tried again.

-plays the special forces stimulator just to make fun of it.

-his house in Brookhaven always gets broken into.

-realises it’s soap breaking into his house.

＊┈┈┈┈＊┈┈┈┈＊┈┈┈┈＊

[ingravinoveritas]

wtf is that all she has to say about her boyfriend michael fans praised him more than. so is this her saying the show phenomenal or her boyfriend cos honestly this chick don't make sense what ur thoughts on this post

Hi there! And oh, wow. I've had a little time to process this now that I'm home, and I think the biggest thing that comes to mind is how this Insta story feels so...obligatory, and the bare minimum. As you said, it's not clear whether Anna is talking about the production itself or Michael's performance, and there is hardly any energy or enthusiasm to the post, especially not compared to the multiple posts AL made about Photobombing Michael J. Fox at the BAFTAs.

It becomes even more noticeable when you look at it next to the Insta story that Georgia posted:

Georgia and David didn't even attend the show tonight, and yet they hyped Michael up in a way Anna did not. You can feel the warmth and silliness and love in how they're rooting for him and cheering him on--David, in his manic Scottish way, and Georgia in her more sarcastic/dry English way--and how they seem genuinely excited for Michael. Yet I got absolutely none of that from AL's post.

All of the above is augmented by the choice of pictures in the post, with David and Georgia's photo centering Michael, literally and figuratively. He is the focus of the picture and of their attention, and the message there seems to be that Michael is what David and Georgia are most excited about. In contrast, the picture AL used is of a nearly empty dimly lit stage with a hospital bed on it, and I do not think that is by accident.

As I have said previously, my reaction is never to any one post in isolation, but to the continuation of a pattern of posts/comments from Anna over the course of several years. The same thing happened when production photos were released of Michael as Prince Andrew a few months ago, and when he played Chris Tarrant in Quiz in 2021:

AL hated the wig then, and my feeling is that she hates the wig Michael is wearing now, as well as the pyjamas that are his costume for a significant portion of the play and how he looks in them. I think that she does not care at all about the play itself or its significance to Michael, and has no desire to hype him up because his appearance in Nye is not what she considers "attractive." In addition, a fan posted stage door pictures on Twitter, including one with AL, and it seems to very much echo the lack of enthusiasm in her Insta story.

So yes, I think AL's post seems very generic (at best). It makes her come across as disinterested and somehow "removed" from both Michael and the show itself, again in contrast to David and Georgia's picture that conveys the exact opposite.

Those are my thoughts, at any rate, and I could be completely off the mark, but as always I'd be glad to hear from my followers about what you think. Thanks for writing in! x

[hilsonologist]

COD MEN AND THEIR DOGS!

just my hcs for the dogs they would get!

TF141 + könig

gn!reader, fluff, no warnings really, adopt dont shop y’all !! , gifs not mine! can u tell im a dog person

cavalier king charles spaniel!

- didn’t plan on getting a dog until he came home and found you with a little cavalier pup in your lap

- a sweet girl with an old lady name like marjorie

- wasn’t super affectionate towards her until he was napping like an old man in his recliner and she curled up on his lap

- he woke up and acted annoyed, looked around to see if you were there then looked back at her and couldn’t stop himself from smiling as he pet her.

- life changed

- this dog is precious to him

- only the best brands of food, most reputable groomers, always has her favorite treats stocked up, wouldn’t trust anyone to watch her.

- you thought you loved this dog? john loves her 10 times more.

- christmas cards with your dog

- wedding pics with your dog

- she was def in your wedding

- the dog is queen of the house and you’re both totally fine with that

- your guys’ child tbh

a blue staffordshire bull terrier

- wanted to get you a guard dog, you insisted on adopting from a shelter

- was looking for a big mean scary looking dog but said he didn’t like their ‘attitudes’ (leave it to simon.)

- almost left empty handed but a little staffy caught your eye.

- stole your heart immediately the little guy was wagging his tail and sitting patiently at the kennel door. when the shelter staff explained he was a rescue from dog fights and had some temperament issues so he wasn’t easily adoptable he stole ghost’s heart.

- saw himself in the dog

- needless to say you took home that little staffy

- surprisingly patient with the pup and his behavioral issues

- he nipped at ghost once out of nerves and you prepared for the worst but ghost backed off to give him space instead

- invests in a lot of training for him, will switch trainers if he finds their methods are too hard on your pup

- i think the dog would bring you two closer and let him open up more, especially as the training goes on and there’s noticeable progress

- brings out a different side of ghost tbh, much more vulnerable and happy. not a care in the world when he’s with that dog

- remembers the adoption date and literally takes the dog for a day out, a (pup friendly) meal, a run around the park, a new toy, and finally a fancy ass treat when you’re all back home together

2 scottish terriers

- would not choose to own a dog per say, he basically is one doesn’t need another

- you already had dogs when you started dating and he would never ask you to get rid of them, they were your babies and you made that clear when you blabbered about them non stop your first date

- never saw himself settling down so seriously so he didn’t think much of it

- now he lives with two dogs, scottish terriers funny enough

- acts like he doesn’t like them

- calls them tweedledee and tweedledum

- definitely frantically researches if the dogs can have a bite of his dinner and gives them some if they can. not because the food is bad but because its so good he wants them to experience it too

- new dog toys keep appearing that you didn’t buy but soap insists it wasn’t him

- gets jealous when they’re on your lap getting all your attention

- you have to pet him too

- you went on a trip once and he stayed with the dogs, when you came back they were all sleeping in your bed

dalmatian

- no rhyme or reason for this one he just gives me a dalmatian vibe

- would probably have a male dog named pongo like from 101 dalmatians

- got the dog before you met i think

- loves playing fetch with him

- takes the dog on runs regularly

- absolutely dresses him up for halloween

- brags about your dog a lot

- probably has a pic of you and the dog sleeping as his lock screen or something

- pls take pics of the dog to send to him while he’s deployed or to show him when he gets home

dachshund

- you guys adopted him together a little after you first were engaged

- he named it zerstörer ( destroyer )

- runt of the litter

- definitely buys him little shirts

- “zerstörer nein!! drop my mask!!”

- has lost many masks to zerstörer

- this dog is a menace but könig loves him

- zerstörer runs your house like an evil monarch

- “mein schatz you can’t be mad at him…he is so little and cute…”

- pray you don’t have kids bc you guys will be walked all over by them könig is a sucker

- actually gets upset when someone calls him a wiener dog

- “nein. zerstörer is no wiener.😒😒”

- carrying him around all sassy like

[thetruthwilloutsworld]

If anyone knows a thing or two about sex scenes, it’s Sam Heughan. Over the past decade, the 43-year-old Scottish star of Outlander, the cult-hit historical drama, has filmed hours of notoriously raunchy footage in his role as Jamie Fraser, the dashing 18th-­century Highland rebel, with his wife, Claire – a time-traveller from the 20th century, played by ­Caitríona Balfe.

Yet two years ago, Heughan, as one of the executive producers (with Balfe), introduced an intimacy co-ordinator to choreograph such scenes, which had been criticised by many as excessively violent.

“The industry’s completely changed since Outlander started,” Heughan says, sitting in a Soho bar on a visit to London from his home outside Glasgow. “Not just our show but also shows like Game of Thrones were very graphic, with no room for the imagination, in a way that’s quite jarring now. As young, keen actors, we were just expected to get naked and go at it. Caitríona and I formed a bond and trusted each other, but there were times when we were pushed too far.” He was especially troubled by a scene involving full-frontal nudity in ­season one, when Jamie was tortured and raped by his rival, Black Jack Randall (Tobias Menzies). “That really didn’t sit well.”

Everything changed following the MeToo scandal, leading ­Heughan to employ Vanessa Coffey to choreograph the sex scenes. “So now everyone knows what the boundaries are, like in a football or rugby match. It’s been so helpful and freeing, and it was because I didn’t want younger actors to go through what we’d gone through. Now, the scenes are sexually charged, but not gratuitous.”

Despite his heartthrob status, Heughan – who’s 6ft 2in, with the strapping physique his role necess­i­tates – is modest and thoughtful company. He also had Coffey enlisted to co-ordinate his latest pro­ject, Channel 4’s erotic thriller The Couple Next Door, filmed during the short break between Outlander’s seasons nine and 10, in which he plays Danny, a policeman living in a Leeds suburb in an open marriage with Becka (Jessica De Gouw).

“We didn’t want to make a salacious or seedy show about swingers,” Heughan says. “It’s about the psychology behind it – what is it to be in an open relationship where two characters love each other so much that they can invite people into that relationship? I think it’s possibly the greatest form of romance to allow your partner this, if it’s the itch they need to scratch. My character struggles with it.

The couple’s (initially) strait-laced neighbours are played by Alfred Enoch and Eleanor Tom­linson, who in 2019 finished five seasons as Demelza in Poldark. With Outlander about to start ­filming its final season, she and Heughan compared notes on moving on from a huge, long-running costume drama.

“It’s emotional. For me, the prospect’s hugely bittersweet. It feels like getting out of an institution. Outlander’s like a family, it literally defines who I am.” After all, Heughan has created an empire of Outlander spin-offs, including books, television travelogues and his spirits brand, The Sassenach – named after Jamie’s nickname for the English Claire – not to mention his charity, My Peak Challenge, which has raised nearly £5 million to fund a variety of causes, including ­hunger relief and blood-cancer research. “I’m ready for new challenges, but also nervous about what it’s like in the real world,” he says.

Still, he felt now was the right time to wrap. “Outlander could have finished after the ninth season, but, personally, I felt we hadn’t quite got there. So now we have the problem of pushing the writers to do something that’s hopefully satisfying for the audience, but also exciting.” So Heughan doesn’t yet know how Outlander ends? “No idea, and it’s really tough because Diana [Gabaldon, the author on whose novels the series is based] has written so many books.”

The show has a vast international fanbase; VisitScotland has cited a 67 per cent rise in visits to the show’s locations, such as Culloden and Inverness. “I do feel like I’m an unofficial ambassador for Scotland, and sometimes I don’t think the show is given enough credit for what it’s done for Scottish tourism,” Heughan says. “I think the numbers are even bigger than they say, because reams of Americans are just making their own itineraries. Doune Castle’s numbers are up 800 per cent, it’s been completely renovated as a result.”

The show has also transformed the local film industry. “For 10 years, we’ve been employing ­people at over 200 Scottish locations, we’ve started an intern scheme, we’ve built a studio with five sound stages where there was nothing before. So it’s going to leave a legacy.”

The son of an artist single mother (his father walked out when he was a baby), Heughan spent his early childhood in the Borders, his teens in Edinburgh, before studying at Glasgow’s Royal Scottish Academy of Music and Drama, where his mentor was third-year student James McAvoy.

Having worked in London and Los Angeles, Heughan fell back in love with Scotland when he was cast in Outlander. Initially against independence, filming the first ­season in the run-up to the 2016 ­referendum transformed him into a vocal advocate. “Scottish politics right now is a bit of a mess, which is a shame, but maybe they’ll find a new rallying cry. We’re a great wee country with amazing resources, most of which are controlled by the British. Similar small European countries have great identities.”

Initially, Heughan is hesitant to discuss the issue, aware taking either side will provoke a social-media backlash, but then he decides: “Why can’t actors have opi­n­ions? The problem is you have to come down on one side, there is no room for deb­ate. Everything has be­come so aggressive and then social-media algo­rithms mean you only get to see one side of the argument.”

He had his fingers burnt when last month he signed an open letter from Artists for Palestine UK, alongside the likes of Tilda Swinton and Steve Coogan, which accused the Government of “aiding and abetting” Israeli war crimes, but failed to condemn Hamas’s terrorism. The following day, Heughan rescinded, saying he hadn’t “fully understood” what he was signing.

“I was maybe naively calling for peace, which is what we all want, but, unfortunately, that situation is so complex, I can’t understand it all,” he says now. “As an actor, you have a platform, but if you put your thoughts out there, you upset ­people, but you’re also damned if you don’t say anything.”

Heughan’s taking time to navigate a potential post-Outlander career path. “I’m a workaholic, but I have to be discerning. Whatever I do next, I have to feel really passionate about.” Possible plans include directing and exploring a different side to Scotland than misty heather and bagpipes. “I think that underbelly you see in [Ian Rankin’s] Rebus and Irvine Welsh is very interesting, there are still pockets that are very hard and gritty.”

Back in 2005, he auditioned for James Bond in Casino Royale – the role that eventually went to Daniel Craig. Now, there’s a new vacancy. “I’ll throw my hat in the ring,” he says, grinning. “I’d be a brilliant Bond, I’m good at action and I’d bring a lot of ­emotional intelligence.”

There might even be space for a personal life. Heughan’s mystified by “facts” he reads about his private life online. “There’s so much ­nonsense that’s completely false – apparently, I have a daughter. News to me!” he says, flushing. The truth, he says, is that Outlander leaves no time for relationships.

“It’s insane hours and takes over everything. Caitríona’s carved out a beautiful family for herself that she protects very well, but I’ve seen how hard it is for her to do that. I want a cat, but I’m too scared even for that, how would I look after it? One day, maybe,” Heughan says, dreamily.

Posting again as some people had difficulty opening the previous link.

[slutouttanowhere]

WIP of the week

Drew’s little princess

Pairing: Drew McIntyre x black!oc

Warning: phone sex, Drew talks you threw it, uses of the phrase “daddy” and lots of other pet names. Soft dom vibes

Special tag: @cardierreh15 (not a wrestling fan but loves Drew)

A/n: I literally finished this, this morning on my way to work, none of it was edited it, and it’s a wip. My friends encouraged me to finish so here we are, this is a nameless oc sorry for that. This will most likely conclude my wip of the week, I posted another one yesterday day go check that out it should be added to my master list by the time you see this one. I chose this picture of Drew because he really is just so sweet and adorable. This was really more so inspired by a Quinn audio that I was listening to, if you haven’t heard of Quinn (not sponsored) it’s an audio erotica app, I fucking live it worth every penny.

I’m standing in the hotel bathroom all fresh, clean, and ready for bed. Despite getting the snot beaten out of me hard enough to make me sleepy, I’m wide awake. A sensation stirring inside me, at my very core between my thighs. My mind flashed back to earlier that night when Drew had me pinned to the wall, his fingers teasing me, and how he refused to finish the job.

“Dick head.” I scoffed, and rolled my eyes. I try to put it in the back of my mind, and get some sort of sleep. I crawl into bed, to my credit I had tried each sleeping position at least once, but to no avail did it work. I laid on my back, one hand resting on my forehead, the other placed on my stomach. My fingers twitched at the thought of Drew, and I fought against it because I made some stupid unnecessary promise to myself that I’d wait for the real thing knowing damn well we’d might have a rocky re-start. I put the sex between Drew and I to a halt because “I wanted to be a mature adult, and have a healthy fresh relationship,” well look where that’s leaded you, you dumb hoe. My hand slowly slid down my body stopping at my navel to caress the exposed skin of the heart shape cut out in my sleep dress. The soft touch was decent enough to work me up, but not quite enough, and I was becoming impatient.

I spread my thighs slightly, just enough to fit my hand between, and I instantly come in contact with my own wetness. Not too much, but just a few drops from my excitement, I sigh out loud knowing that if I were to do this alone I’d have to work harder for it. My eyelids were already drooping, half of me wanted to just rest so badly, and the other half wanted to be fucked through this goddamn bed. Right when I pushed my fingers between my labia is when my phone rung.

“Ugh, you gotta me fucking—

I turn over to look at my phone on the night stand when I nearly choke on my spit. Drew is calling me. Stupidly I answer the phone, I swallow thickly, afraid that he’d somehow seen what I was doing.

“Hello princess.” His accent never ceases to excite me, granted he’s worked on his dialect over time so it doesn’t sound so much like gibberish. He’s mixed his English, and Scottish accent well. I’m convinced it’s only something he could pull off, I sigh in an attempt to cool my temperature, and slow down my thudding heart.

“Still with that nickname?” Not that I was opposed to it, it was something that started off as a stupid joke meant to get on my nerves for the time being. But as we got closer it took a life of its own, not to mention the way Drew says it in particular.

“If the shoe fits. ” He quips, I snort, and now I’m starting to wonder why in the hell he called me. Before I could speak, he cut in with a soft slow start, “And it does fit you, no matter how tough you think you are, I know the truth.” I could hear the smirk on his lips in his tone, that pitiful spark of sexual tension I had earlier was being stoked. His voice caressed around my ear as if he was right next to me. He knew how to trap me, even after all this time apart, he knew what kinds of games I liked to play.

I hummed in response, I was barely able to speak, at least not coherently. “Yea? What truth is that Andrew?” I asked, my voice unintentionally shrinking.

“That you’re not so aloof to your effect on people, especially the men in your life. They’re all wrapped around your pinkie” He claimed, a bit of frustration mixed with lustfulness in his tone.

“Yea?”

“Yea.”

“And what about you? Are you coming to my every beck and call?” It was a genuine question, I didn’t care about what anyone else wanted from me, his attention mattered the most to me.

His end went silent, if it weren’t for his heavy sigh, I would have thought he hung up. There was some shuffling before he answered, “Feels like it, but I’m not complaining. Who am I if not a loyal servant.”

His confession sparked me back to life, suddenly no longer feeling tired, and the excited bumping of my heart dared to jump out of my chest. “Just say you worship me then.” It was a joke mostly, I wasn’t sure if he was picking up on my mood from over the phone.

“Are you lying down right now? On your back?” He suddenly asked, my head tilted, but I answered anyway.

“Yes.” I confirmed, my hand rested lazily on my lower stomach.

“So you were thinking about me then?” He didn’t need confirmation for that, it was just a habit I fell into, and that’s what stupidly told him about.

My body answered for me, the ache between my thighs stirred, and my back was already arching up off the bed. He took my silence as the confirmation he needed, a deep chuckle could be heard from his end. I’m glad he found this funny.

“Where are your hands?” He asked, my fingers twitched, and began to make circles on my skin. Goosebumps rose on my skin, and sent a shiver down my spine.

“On my lower stomach.”

“Listen to me very closely sweetheart, I want you to be a good girl and do as I say. Can you do that for me?” He asked gingerly, and I had no choice but to obey, how could I be a brat when he’s being so sweet?

“Yes.”

“Take your fingers, the middle and ring finger. Put them up to those pretty little lips of your, and suck on them for me.” He instructed in a soft voice, I stared up into the dark, and just as the tips of my fingers touched my lips he spoke again. “Close your eyes angel.” I could hear the grin on his lips, he knew me too well, and I loved that for me.

I let my eyelids flutter close, now being totally enclosed in darkness, my middle fingers in my mouth as I was told, and Drew’s deep voice caressing me. “That’s my good girl, I love it when you listen. That’s how you get rewarded isn’t it?” He chuckled deeply at the sound of my airy sigh, I imagined these were his fingers, and that his hands were caressing my breast. Despite what others may think, Drew was truly a gentle giant. He’s a teddy bear, and I reveled in the fact that he’s all mine.

“Now, I want you to spread those thick, luscious thighs of your sweetheart, as wide as they can go.” He instructed quietly, his voice sounded euphonious, he could talk the pants off anyone. My hand rested on my inner thigh, it didn’t feel nearly as good as Drew’s large, warm hands. The feeling of the way he grabbed me made me weak in the knees; he had a way of making me feel strong and beautiful, while simultaneously making me feel small and dainty.

I could hear shuffling on his side of the phone before he settled, “you still with me angel?” He asked, I didn’t trust my own voice, but I mustered a response.

“Mmh, I’m here.” I mumbled,

“Good, I know you’re not wearing any fucking panties are you?” He didn’t wait for my response, because of course he was right in his assumptions. “I don’t want you to waste any time, I want to put you to sleep tonight.” My heart melted at the gesture, I always had trouble sleeping, but not since Drew and I got together. If he wasn’t fucking me to sleep, he’s singing to me, talking to me, or watching tv till I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore.

“Take your wet fingers and trace over that pretty pussy lips of yours.” He paused as my fingers slid over my luscious labia, the coldness of my fingers in contrast to the warm soft skin caused a slight throbbing that was hard to ignore. A chill ran over my body causing goosebumps, and hardening my nipples. The friction from the cotton dress made a sharp pain shoot across my skin, and right down to my core.

“Ah.” I moaned out, a tickle sensation arouse between my thighs, and all I wanted my Drew here with his hand wrapped around my throat telling me how pretty I was.

“I know baby, I know, but don’t touch your clit just yet. Slide one finger in, use the middle fingers just as I would have. Go slow, take your time, you’re gonna finish I promise.” I loved how I wasn’t expected to talk, he allowed me to enjoy the moment, but that’s all I could manage in this state regardless. I pushed my middle finger into my core, slowly at first, instantly I’m coated in my own slippery sap. This was Drew’s doing, “fuck you turn me on so much Daddy.” I whimpered, I pumped my finger slowly arousing myself even more, and when the throbbing started I lifted on leg back as far as it could go.

“Keep going sweetheart, I want both fingers as deep as you can go.” He encouraged me to continue, I paused for a second to put connect my phone to my AirPods so he’d be in both my ears. It took me a second to get back in rhythm, but soon I found my groove again.

My lips fell open, my eyes fluttering close as waves of pleasure ripples through me. Though it still wasn’t enough, the nagging throbbing from my brown glistening bud wouldn’t stop. “Ugh…fuck I need it, mmm.” I pouted, tears of frustration lined my eyes causing them to sting.

“I know, go ahead and take those fingers, and put them back in your mouth and taste yourself. Tell me how good it is.” He grunted out, the sound of his voice surrounding me, I laid there with my eyes hooded, half sleepy, half aroused. Honestly my favorite combination. “Damn, Im good.” I giggled sucking every last bit off my fingers, and letting them go with a pop of my lips.

“Why in the hell do you think I’m so feral about you.” He paused to instruct me further, “pull those gorgeous breast out princess. Just let them fall out naturally, don’t try and hold them together or anything. That’s it baby, I can see how comfortable you are, the way you’re laying with one leg back, spread wide for me as much as possible.” He inhaled deeply, “such a good girl for daddy, isn’t that right?” He cooed, a draft of cold air caressed my nipples, they tightened sharply.

“Ohh, Daddy please, can I come please.” I begged, he always had me feeling so sensual, yet animalistic. The way he talks to me, the way he touches me, it made me want to rip out of my clothes and let him have his way with me where we stood.

“You’re so sweet, I’d give you anything you asked, do it baby rub that pretty pink bud of yours. Fuck if I was there I’d suck on it, and wouldn’t let go tell you were a fucking mess in my hands.” He kept talking while I drew circles around, and around, slowly building myself to an explosive climax. I relaxed my body into the soft hotel cotton sheets, I didn’t wanna cheat myself by going too fast. I was trying to off my own greediness. “And oh my god how I love the feel of you in my hands princess, it’s all ever think about. That soft, warm cinnamon skin, god how do you always smell so good. I mean the fragrance mixed with your natural scent, and fuck that body.” I didn’t care if he was reading me the goddamn car manual, his voice was so mother fucking sexy I almost came right there.

“I know you don’t like talking about your body, but I swear every time I see your arse I just want to fucking take a bite out of it.” He groaned, I wasn’t sure if he remembered that I was here from the way he was rambling, but his high praises made me feel gooey. “Then those strong, yet squishy thighs…mmm makes me want to take my tongue, and run it over every inch of you.” He voice came out huskily.

“I’m so close.” I whispered trying not to disrupt my own flow by talking.

“Don’t stop princess, don’t you fucking stop, let me hear it baby. Let me hear how much of a good little slut you arm for me.” Still in the softest, yet gruff voice, Drew talked me into a climax more intense than I could have imagined. I knew for a fact it wouldn’t have been this good without him, my body convulsed, and that back of my head buried into the pillow as I arched my back as deep as I could. My thighs clamped close around my hand, my breaths deep, and shaky. I wasn’t sure how loud I was, but I couldn’t be bothered with something like embarrassment right now. All I could hear was Drew soothing me, I knew if he were here, he would have turned me over on my stomach, and rubbed my back till I passed out like a freakin baby.

The second my body relaxed I was falling asleep, and I didn’t even try to fight it. My tension had finally been released thanks to him, and he didn’t even have to touch me. “Get some rest princess, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Was the last thing I heard before the phone hung up, and I drifted off to sleep.

[simplysparrow14]

Okay okay okay but if it’s true that Ingrid was made by Freyr, then why the hell does his Sheith for Ingrid have the fucking Celtic Triskelion on its medallion????

And the fact that Ingrid— a literal sword of light—seems to look nothing like any sword that we've seen (not even freya's sword) be similar to the “sword of light” of Celtic mythology????

As well as the fact that throughout Ragnarok, there were so many references to Celtic/Irish/Scottish/British Isle specific mythology and stories:

Kelpies

mentions of Arthurian Legend of The Lady of the Lake, Nimue

The Scottish play which shall not be named (Shakespeare)

mentions of Oberon and Tatiannia

Mimir being opening called “Puck” from a Mid-Summers Nights Dream by The Norns (Shakespeare)

Mimir’s story about the Laird (The scottish name for a lord) and The Girl

The fact that the British isles is geographically closer to Scandinavia than any other mythological location

the fact that the biggest mystery as to what happened to the remaining giants of Jotunheim is still ongoing and Atreus is now on his quest to find what happened to them and where did they go

And the fact that the Ragnarok ending heavily hinted at the fact that Atreus could have his own spin-off game in the future

Also the fact that the formorians of celtic mythology are often linked to being giants/vikings that came from scandinavia (AKA home of Norse Mythology)

Santa Monica Studios: The math is not mathing, the mythology is not mythology-ing.

[redactedgender]

my redacted face claims / fancasts

literally only two ppl asked for this ( @infiniterotting @mrsmiagreer youre both responsible for this /j) but i will take any chance to infodump

most of these are based on the vibes i get from the characters, if you perceive them differently that’s alright! i’m just having fun with it :]

let’s go!

GUY

ross lynch (musician, actor)

; somehow i didn’t think of him while i was first trying to figure out who my face claim for guy would be. originally i had my geordi face claim as my guy one, but you’ll see why i swapped them eventually dhjsdh!! ; ross has the like perfect amount of chaotic energy but also playful flirting that works really well with guy. like, the shaggy dirty blond hair, the dimples, his eyes… like, yeah. also this mf is 6’, which is taller than i had for guy originally, but him being tall is lowkey funny

━━☆

ELLIOTT

josh hutcherson (actor)

; as my hc of elliott includes him being trans, i wasn’t intentionally looking for a short actor to face claim for him (he's 5'5). but then i saw the first pic of josh hutcherson and all thoughts went out the window. as a member of the beanie boy elliott committee, it felt like fate. like imagine him with the piercings erik has, creating dreamscapes and fighting blake. god i wanna destroy him. elliott's one of my faves, and this face claim just makes my brain happy ; josh hutcherson has got the range to be able to play a character like elliott i think. also, like, y’know. it just makes sense to me ok dhsjdhj

━━☆

DAMIEN

calum hood (bassist for 5 Seconds of Summer)

; so doing research on calum hood made me learn that he’s scottish/māori, which was surprising to me. my hc for damien doesn’t line up with that at all, but i think calum hood has the perfect look for him regardless. strong but not muscly, a nice smile, and the hair?? i think yes ; my damien hc includes him being trans, fun fact. he’s extremely stealth, like only his mom and the damn crew know he’s trans. its ok firecracker, you’re still valid. ik calum hood isn’t trans, but his vibes still fit the resident fire boi

━━☆

IVAN

leonardo decaprio (younger) (actor)

; i literally cannot explain why he’s my ivan face claim. i think i saw someone else fancast him, and was like “oh yeah, that works!” and then never thought abt it again dhsjhddj!! i have nothing else to say abt this honestly

━━☆

HUXLEY

wasabi no ginger (big hero 6) / harry samba (model)

; so wasabi was my first casting for huxley because i have the hc that he had locs that he cut off after the inversion as a form of starting over, and when thinking about what his hair would look like afterwards, i thought abt wasabi. and then i thought abt how they’re similar in that they’re both not taken seriously in their fields due to stereotyping, and how wasabi is big and gentle and huxley is big and gentle too, so here we are. i think this makes sense ; i thought having an actual real person face claim for hux would be good to have, since the other characters have them too. i found this model after doing a bit of looking on pinterest, and i like this guy’s confidence (also he’s like. built. which works perfectly). he seems confident but goofy, which is so perfectly hux-coded. just imagine them combined to make my huxley face claim fgdhsjk or like wasabi is s1-s2 hux & harry samba is s3 or something

ok so i don't wanna make this post like ten pages long so if this gets enough attention i will do a pt 2 with more of my face claims (and maybe some extra goodies like my piercing ideas for the speaker characters)

thank you for indulging me dhskhdks

[practicedvmm13fullofpotatoes]

All of sfth's improvized plays described by someone with bad/selective memory (but remembers 90% of the sentences they make up) pt. 2

6) Too Big To Be a Jockey

Something about a horse being split in half because its rider is too big. Also, children having guns pointed at them and an entire skin suit (literal skin) that a child (who was supposedly dead) was wearing

7) The OOPSIE DAISY Bulge

Tom saying oopsie daisy somewhere round the start (does he even say it? I don't know). I don't even remember this one but I swear I watched it

8) The Hare Who Wore a Sweater

Husband mad at wife for caring for the hares. Husband goes to bar. German woman flirts with him ("do you know how many orifices a woman has? A German woman has more!"). Barkeep gives him a drink called Be Careful™. Some time before or after that, Barkeep tries to slut-drop, falls, gets caught by the husband (and the guys on the sidelines). Wife gives a talking hare a sweater ("a moment of peace in the void") and the hare tries to tell her about the upcoming danger (Mcginnery) but then gets shot a little later ("Bingo!"). "What happened to your hare?", wife accuses husband of shooting Jimmy the hare immediately after the husband said he didn't. Car chase scene where both Mcginnery and his assistant seem to be driving (even the characters comment on this). Husband slut-drops to prevent Mcginnery from pressing the detonator for the mines surrounding the village (?). The hares have a meeting some time before or during the previous scene and go to deactivate the mines. They later appear and get mad at the wife because she claimed to have deactivated the mines herself then snaps at the hares because she "fucking nit [them] sweaters"

9) Once Upon a Time I Killed Mum

DANGERFIELD! And something about bring your kid to work day at the station ("Rapier :D!")

10) The Midnight Mystery

Lord and Lady Lafaytte are interrogated about the murder, they say they were busy making love at the time. Head king of the police accidentally summons Scottish Batman (and Robin) and tells him to fuck off. Something something Robin gets kidnapped, Lord Lafayette ends up doing a Bane thing

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