#its like. youre trans you were raised one gender and it sucked and so you have opinions on that gender and what its like to be that gender

[moe-broey]

Idk if I'm gonna be able to articulate this on the fly like first thing in the morning, but. I think my ENTIRE body of work is This: Examining how family ties, bonds or lack thereof, the good and bad AND ugly, seep into every facet of who we are and how we come to interact with others. How sometimes, a family tie (or again, a Lack of one), will sometimes bleed into how you act and treat specific people. Will bleed into how you CONNECT with those people (or, will be the very reason you fail to do so).

HOWEVER. HOWEVER. THERE IS A DELICATE LINE. A BALANCING ACT. You CANNOT just simply attribute fanon flavored ideas of found family to such characters. That's too simple, and sometimes, is a complete disservice to the specific character you're working with. I am once again bringing up Chilchuck. YES, him being a dad Absolutely seeps into how he treats his party. But if you call him the party's dad, you're Insane. Do you know ANYTHING ABOUT THAT MAN???? He would prefer you didn't. But I digress. He strikes a fascinating balance, between having The Qualities and ESPECIALLY expressing his care for his party in a Really Specific divorced (separated.) father of three fashion, but that does Not make him a "dad friend". He's a professional. He's on business. He's going home at the end of the day, and at the end of this adventure he's thinking of setting up a shop. I wanted to keep this more vague and broad but like. The Chilchuck example REALLY DOES perfectly articulate What I'm trying to get at, here. He's the perfect encapsulation of How his family shapes him, how that bleeds into his relationships with others, vs Who he is as a person.

How we were raised, our family ties, whether you adhere to it or you've fallen FAR from the tree -- you still fell from that stupid fucking tree. It's in your blood. Literally. It gave you shape, whether you liked it or not. And sometimes some things just set off weird domino effects, that also affect us irrevocably forever.

WHICH IS. TO SAY. I have no fucking idea what I'm talking about. I'm always trying to figure that out. Found family is/can be real, you're not strictly bound by blood if you don't wanna be. BUT. The bullshit I'm constantly on, is trying to figure out how to balance all that without slotting everyone into reductive roles. I'm gay and I seek to destroy the nuclear family. Not attempt to recreate nuclear family 2.0. You CAN reconstruct What Family Is/Means from the ground up, but you have to accept that things are going to get Weird. Because you're Queer. You are fundamentally incompatible with the status quo and normalcy, the solution is NOT assimilation and palatability, the solution is to just. Get weirder. And be fluent in canon. Okay. I love you

[the-boy-branithar]

Surely at some point people will realise that trans men ALSO experience the phenomenon of suddenly being Fully and Having Always Been their gender when it allows someone to treat them like shit.

[genderkoolaid]

something ive noticed as a very effeminate trans masc that dresses pretty androgynous & has been on hrt for many years is that the status of being a "dangerous man" can and will be placed on you (ime most often by cis white women) whenever expressing any kind of negative feelings. if i told friends of mine - even queer ones - that something they did hurt my feelings or made me upset, i was suddenly a dangerous man or a (man)ipulator or whatever - even if i didn't raise my voice. the very fact that i am unhappy combined with my proximity to manhood makes me a supposed threat in their eyes.

a couple years ago i had a group of cis girl friends. they would constantly pull me into women's bathrooms n such so i wouldn't be left behind saying its fine its fine bc im one of the girls (gender neutral) but then as soon as i was upset about something i was suddenly a dangerous man who needed to stay out of women's spaces,,,, despite the fact that of the 4 of us, the girl who joined after me was the one spreading this shit around my friend group so... how was i encroaching on womens spaces if i was there before her and i was invited in? luckily one of my friends told me that the other two were plotting to kick me out of my friend group on the sole basis of my proximity to manhood so i at least knew why they were suddenly treating me like shit

its just.. i cant understand why people dont think trans mascs and trans men are discriminated against when they literally said it was my "toxic man energy" that made them want me out WHILE ALSO being the ones convincing me to go into womens spaces bc they wanted to go somewhere and didnt wanna have to leave me behind & like i said im extremely effeminate and faggy and also NONBINARY so i dont understand what "man energy" they were talking about other than the fact that im on testosterone and thinking testosterone = man is just transphobic no matter how you try to twist it

but my taking testosterone was never a problem or made me evil or scary when they wanted me to go with them into women-only (&nonbinary too i guess unless youre amab (and they can tell) or been on testosterone for too long) spaces, it was only a problem when they wanted 1. a reason to criticise me relentlessly, borderline bullying or 2. a reason to dismiss any of my concerns or criticisms of their treatment of me

all of that, to me, is transandrophobia point blank. i dont know what else you could call it other than transphobia, but transphobia doesn't address any of the very blatant and obvious connection of how my transness affects their perception of my proximity to manhood and how that affected the situation

God that sucks. I'm sorry you went through that.

You make a very good point. This is why I don't want to define transandrophobia/ATM as just transphobia and misogyny directed at transmascs. I still think transunity theory is a really valuable way of looking at transphobia & its important to me that we are vocal about how masculine tropes are weaponized against trans people by cis people on the regular because of how we are positioned in relation to gender. Too many people think the that the only thing wrong with saying trans people have "dangerous male energy" is that its misgendering. So trans people who choose to associate themselves with manhood are left in the trash by the people who should know best how much being made out to be a Dangerous Male Invader hurts!

[former-leftist-jew]

I really loved your post about religious extremism and I wanted to add that a lot of the people using the "peaceful, noble Palestinian" trope (like you said, the noble savage trope) would have no problem understanding that a Christian population is bigoted against gays because they were raised in that faith and ministered to by bigots -- for instance, Russian leadership using the language of Christianity to make "same sex propaganda" illegal (I literally know someone who went to jail for kissing another woman in front of Russian police) and then holding them to account when said government is removed from power, or even refusing to forgive them even when they've changed. These are totally understandable reactions to bigotry, even societal bigotry (my grandfather remains deeply homophobic due to his Christianity and even if he one day changes, I don't know that I'll be able to forgive him for supporting conversion therapy).

But when it's a non-Western population? Suddenly those people CAN'T be bigoted and CAN'T have been fed antisemitism and hatred for their entire lives because. I don't know, it's different with them! I know so many wonderful, affirming, progressive Muslims who have done the work to reinterpret and decolonize their faith, the same as I do Christians, Jews, Hindus, etc.. But I also know that in the Middle East, many don't DO that sort of reflection -- largely because they don't have the ability to due to decades of corrupt leadership and authoritarian rule. You can be a victim of religious extremism by virtue of being raised in it, but we NEED to hold these people to the same standards as we do Westerners coming out of religious extremism.

I'm not shocked Palestinians support Hamas -- it fucking sucks in Gaza, and has for a while. That's how terrorism gets its roots, same as the Taliban, the KKK, Al-Qaeda, etc; it preaches to a suffering population and promises it everything it wants, if only you'll hate XYZ group, if only you'll give us your children, etc. If we truly want to free Palestine -- which I do, I am a supporter of Palestinian self determination and ending anti-Arab racism and Islamophobia -- then we need to understand all this and help them decolonize and de-terrorize.

(I hope any of that made sense, I just sort of rambled)

Daww, thank you! I'm glad my pot struck a chord with you. ^_^

Yeah, believe it or not, I do have a lot of sympathy for the average Palestinian Muslim/Christian. It's just... like Atticus said of Mayella Ewell in To Kill a Mockingbird, my sympathy doesn't extend so far as to condone anihilating Israel and massacring all Jews.

I do believe that everyone has a right to self-determination and self-government. Gay people have a right to marry who they love, trans people have a right to dress and live as the gender they identify as, Arab Muslims have a right to worship Allah with Muhammad as his last and final Prophet, Jews have a right to self-determine and self-govern, etc.

TBH, I think there's a cruel irony that an estimated 30-60% of Palestinian Arabs share ancient Canaanite/Hebrew ancestry with modern Jews (meaning, they're also descended from ancient Jews), but since the region was forcibly conquered and converted by Islamic Caliphs in the 600's, it's fair to assume their Jewish ancestors were colonized and/or forcibly converted. (Or at least passively pressured to convert over time, since non-Muslims in Sharia Law are made to pay a poll tax and live as second-class citizens to Muslim citizens--so who wouldn't want to switch to Islam under that literal two-tiered legal system?)

Part of me thinks, "Why would you WANT to stay with Islam when your ancestors were conquered and forcibly converted (or at least passive-aggressively pressured to convert) as sure as Vietnam is largely Catholic because of their French Catholic former colonisers? BUT AGAIN, I respect their right to self-determination and their desire for self-government. If the Palestinian Muslims with ancient Hebrew blood want to stay with Islam, live in an Islamic society, and be ruled by an Islamic government, that's their right.

With that said, part of me feels like the average Palestinian Muslims (and Christians) have been duped by their Islamofascist government to see Israeli Jews not as long-lost brothers and sisters who finally returned home after centuries in exile, but as "foreign invaders" trying to take what little scraps they have. Both in the early 20th century and early 21's century.

You know that leftist meme that goes like:

"A CEO, white kid, and black kid sit at a table. The CEO's plate is piled high with 10 cookies, white the kids' are empty. He then tosses a cookie to the white kid and says, 'That black kid wants to steal your cookie.'"?

That is LITERALLY Hamas is doing to the Palestinian Arabs and Jews!

Hamas notoriously hoards as much of Gaza's food, fuel, water, resources, and wealth as they can, throw their people just enough scraps to get by, and then tells them, "Those Jews wants to steal your land, your religion, and your liberty. Help us kill the Jew, and you'll be living in Paradise." When the state of the rest of the Middle East (which have little to no Jews left in them) shows otherwise.

And I'm so disgusted by how the Left West recognizes that manipulation tactic when it comes to rich white CEO's duping poor whites into blaming black "welfare queens" and brown "illegal immigrants" for their lack of the good life, but somehow CAN'T connect the dots when Islamofascist dictators who openly hoard all their country's resources for themselves and spread oppressive violence and misogyny to the rest of the population do the exact same thing to the average impoverished Muslim regarding "Jews" and "Western invaders."

The average Muslim? Believe it or not, I DO have some sympathy. Based on what I've seen and read from various ex-Muslims, it sounds like Arab Islamic culture doesn't really encourage critical thinking, self-examination, or widespread education as the norm. MANY ex-Muslims I've met and talked to IRL, and that I follow on social media, talk about how, when they were growing up

A lot of Palestinians are also pretty upfront about how "we don't question" what they've been taught about Islam and Jews.

But, you know what? As far as I'm concerned, it's time to START questioning. It's time to START thinking about it. It's time to START making room for non-Muslims to live beside and share equal rights and resources with Muslims.

And I'm so grossed out that the Western Left encourages the religious bigotry, intolerance, and "no dogs or Jews allowed here!" segregation because "It's their culture/religion." Well then, they need to change with the times like everyone else.

[rinaerat]

Even as someone who identifies as a trans woman, it sometimes surprises me how many of us there are. Like, with trans men, it's very easy to understand why that would be appealing. Being raised as a woman sucks, being a woman means being seen as inherently inferior. Saying, "fuck this, I'm not a woman, and you can't force me to be one" makes perfect sense.

Of course, I also understand why so many people coercively assigned female choose to remain that way. It's easier to be what society wants you to be, even if that role is one of disadvantages and dehumanization. And of course, even though i firmly believe nobody has any inherent predisposition towards assigned gender roles, social conditioning works, even when you don't want it to. That's what makes the binary gender system work.

Cis men are simplest of all. For them, the easiest path is also the most socially rewarding. It's no mystery why men choose to remain men.

But trans women are an exception, one that can't be easily explained by rational self interest. Most trans women I've met have described their time living as a facsimile of a boy have told me that they were acutely aware of the way women are treated worse than men, in a way their male peers often weren't. I certainly know this was the case for me, I felt immense shame and disgust whenever I noticed myself being treated by boys as if I was one of them, like we were both in an exclusive club that made us better. It's similar to being a white person who hasn't let themselves slip into blissful ignorance. You feel a disgust with your peers, especially from the fact that it's so clear that they don't care, that they either don't acknowledge the unjust privilege they hold, or if they do, seem to be shockingly unbothered by it.

There's a big difference between maleness and whiteness though, while they are both socially constructed categories, white privilege asks nothing of you, you will be treated better than your non white counterparts by default, no matter how you present. Maleness though requires a level of buy in, and if you don't buy into it, if you visibly deviate from what a "man" is supposed to be, you will lose that privilege, and not only that, you'll become something worse in the eyes of society than a man or a woman, a faggot. A third gender that exists as a threat. If male privilege is the carrot, being seen as a faggot is the stick. It's an incredibly efficient system. People raised as men will either slot into their cushy roles easily, or they will struggle. And if they struggle, the stick is there to beat them back in line, to punish them for showing any amount of human decency.

In that sense, being transfeminine is an act of dissent. By embracing the femininity that is used as a threat, it undermines everything the patriarchy insists is inherent. And it's shockingly easy to shed your masculinity. Sure, we may be called men, but only once they think it will hurt us. They don't see us as men, we're unworthy of such a title.

And while being a trans woman opens you up to the nastiest violence the patriarchy has at its disposable. But at least for me, I take great satisfaction in spitting on the manhood I was offered, treating it as the vile, cruel thing it really is. To choose womanhood, even when everything in this world will punish me for it, proves that being woman is valuable, even when it isn't treated as such.

Living as a woman has made my life better, it's made me happier, it's made me a better person. The hollow cruelty of cis masculinity could never compare, and it's so freeing to find happiness in the one thing we're warned most not to be, because it means they don't have anything left to hold over us but petty violence.

[papakhan]

Hello hello, some asks for Fleabag and Sun~

3. How did your oc discover themself? Did something cause them to question, or did they always know?

9. Are there cultural or lore specific aspects to their identity? If applicable, does their species affect it?

Yesssssss so excited to talk about Fleabag in this

3. How did your oc discover themself? Did something cause them to question, or did they always know?

Fleabag Fleabag's WHOLE story is about this, they were raised by their father who was opposed Papa Khan and what he was doing to the Khans. Fleabag's dad was wildly homophobic and transphobic which was the basis for a lot of his hatred of Papa (who in my world is gay and trans) and Fleabag unfortunately internalised a lot of that. He was very hard on Flea growing up, policing all of their actions to make sure they were acting like a good masculine man and not anything that could be mistaken for one of Papa's Khans. However when Fleabag passed through the Khans initiation rites and (as part of my hc for the Khans) was taught all the steps of making a leather jacket by the community, Fleabag saw all these Khans they'd been taught were their enemy being-- happy as themselves-- which Fleabag was not. And that ate at them for a long time. Fleabag kind of had to explore their own identity on their own, or in secret, and it wasn't until after their dad died did they truly start living as themself.

Sun ON THE OTHER HAND. Sun has basically always known. I think I've explained enough already but Sun's very lucky to have always had a big accepting family and the ig awareness of what he can be? He probably just thought he was gay for a little while at first when dating Manny but then realised he was bi later.

9. Are there cultural or lore specific aspects to their identity? If applicable, does their species affect it?

I'll just answer them together because they're from the same group just different subsets of it but it'll make more sense if I do it this way. So I've mentioned this already a little bit but I think the Khans especially have a weird kinda relationship with gender/sexuality that's born from them being raiders. In general, I think relationships in raider groups are very 'fast and loose', you never know who will die next or stab you in the back so it's better not to have commitments unless you're certain. People obvs are yknow trucking n fucking but things are just a lil different, and it was like that in the New Khan days but things have changed by the time of the Great Khans. The New Khans were a long time ago for a lot of Khans but for some its still within their lifetime (it's 40 years between the two) so some of this stuff is kinda new to them, within a generation or so! And the same goes for queer acceptance, in my hc, Papa being gay and trans and taking over the Khans flipped the New Khans on their head. The underground queer scene in the New Khans was suddenly the only community left to rally the survivors into the Great Khans. Papa Khan's Khans who evacuated California became the most powerful splinter of the New Khan remnants because the other splinters either tore each other apart OR got ripped apart by the NCR. most Khans were just grateful Papa was a fair and just leader and if they had any homophobic feelings about it they either had to suck it up or die out in the wastes. All this is to say that in my hc, by the time of the Great Khans acceptance is very high and the small groups of homophobes who want things to "go back to the good old Darion days" are very small, and also can't do shit about it except occasionally rock the boat i.e Bitter Roots parents and Fleabag's dad. It really just depends on what part of the Khans someone was raised in, and there is some underlying toxic masculinity that hasn't been scrubbed out yet which affects some people like Fleabag or Jerry. ANYWAY. in general I think raiders tend to be a little more loose unless they've got something going on like Garl Death-Hands whole shit with his dad. They kind of don't care what you are as long as you can fight and you're cool and badass. The Great Khans specifically have been carving their own path in terms of queerness and tbh NOBODY is doing it like them and I cant fully explain without making this post even longer but like. you understand.

[doofnoof]

Hey Bug I read your tag response to the oc post and I have a question you’re not obligated to answer!

Pronouns and gender interest me, especially when people use ones that aren’t the same as/associated with their sex, and I’m curious if there’s a reason why you use both it/its and they/them?

It/its is commonly used to refer to objects, and I’m wondering if you use those pronouns because of that (the association of something outside the binary) or because it’s just gender neutral.

This is very random and I hope I worded it okay :)

I was writing a longer thingie here, but I'm shortening it here because I could talk for Hours about Gender. So. For me, gender was always a prison. I was expected to be a Girl, and as a girl I could really only reach for Second Best most of the time. It sucked.

I finally felt like myself when I made friends (real friends) for the first time in Washington, which was a much more liberal area than where I had been raised. Nobody really bullied me any more, and I finally found someone that made me feel like I didn't have to be afraid to be Myself. Eventually I found out that I liked girls and that it was an okay feeling for someone who was also a girl to have. I made friends with my friend's friends and their younger sibling, who I got along with as a Fellow G1 My Little Pony Fan And Toy Collector.

Something still didn't feel right though. I was finally Myself, but I still woke up every day cursing god that I was a girl and was expected to do and want girl things. It sucked. I didn't wanna be a girl. I didn't wanna be a boy either, I was just trading out glittery pink princess shackles for metallic blue football shackles. Shackles are still Shackles no matter how cool they look, and I'm not one to just go along with what everyone else wants me to do, at the very least I'll fight the whole way.

One day, my friend's younger sibling pipes up in our group chat and says "Hey I'm Nonbinary and use They/Them Pronouns, please call me [Name] instead of [deadname] from here on out." I didn't know what all of these words meant at all. So I messaged them and asked, because what else are ya gonna do?? They filled me in on the whole thing with Gender being a Spectrum, and they were simply choosing No Gender With Left Beef. Once they were done explaining I almost couldn't believe what I'd heard, it was like they'd taken every secret desire in my heart and said "hey this is possible and also super cool and you can do what you want actually." Like it really did just all fit into place for me. A little while later I came out as nonbinary because I didn't wanna steal their thunder but I was 110% ready to be Done with the whole Girl Thing. Didn't decide to go by a different name until I told my mom that I'm nonbinary. She still doesn't get it and won't use the name I've chosen even to this day, but you can't win 'em all, and I'm glad to finally know who I am.

I don't feel a lack of gender though, if anything I feel Almost Too Much Gender. White isn't the absence of color, but it's actually all colors at once. When light shines through a prism, it refracts into a rainbow. That's the closest I can get to explaining my gender. I'm genderfluid, so some days I'm more purple than blue, or more yellow than green, but they're all there in different amounts, you just can't see it unless I shine a light on it, really. They/Them also works because I contain multitudes. It's Great. Gender is a Spectrum and I'm a Rainbow.

Onto the it/it's thing. I've always loved insects and little creatures Too Small and Strange to Put a Gender To, most people can't look at a Roly-Poly and say Oh That's A Girl Insect, they just hold it up on their finger and admire it's cute little antennas. I've Always Fucked Heavily With That. But that's not what fully It/It's'd My Gender. I was at college and having moved to a Much Less Liberal Place Than Washington, there was a group of girls making fun of trans people for Anything They Could Think Of because they're bigoted and slurs are funny or whatever. I mentioned that I'm gay and use they/them pronouns, and cracked a few Tumblr Jokes™ like the good old "I'm about to make your pronouns was/were," and got a few laughs. And then the girl that started this whole mess was uncomfortable that the spotlight wasn't on her anymore and said some unfunny shit like "lol this table's pronouns are it/it's!!! Lmao!!! how ridiculous 😂🤣😂🤣" and I decided then and there that those are gonna be my pronouns. And funny enough, even after I left college, the pronouns stuck, I really like them! They feel comfortable, like the right pronouns for a Bug such as Myself.

My Gender Journey has mostly been stumbling into different Gender Things and trying them on, and if I don't like it then the gender goes back on the rack. If I do I just take it home with me and style it however I please. Gender doesn't have to be a prison!!!! Sometimes it can be your fucking home!!!!!!! It's Great!!!!!!!!

TLDR: friend freed me from gender prison and I found they/them pronouns bc I have lotsa the Gender Fluid in me, someone made fun of it/its pronouns so I decided to make it uncomfortable for them to be transphobic, ended up Liking it/its pronouns.

Can't believe that this is the shortened version of my original post. Thank you for asking Minty!!!!!! This was a fun trip down memory lane :)

[x31043]

I guess im just bothered that when youre born an called a woman youre then constantly told to shut upforever,but when the opposite is true youre constantly encouraged to speak up.Youre ridiculed for not doing it, but to me thats different than being hurt or even killed FOR doing it. That means that childhood sucks. Adolescence sucks. Youre really in a place of forced subservience for your whole existence. You have to break out of that so hard. Youre physically smaller. You are trained to ignore yourself until you are broken. You are trained to be something that someone uncaring will shove themselves in and take, take over. You are literally raised to be an object to be used and discarded. That is UNIVERSAL. I know some people epxerience that without being born & assigned women, but for those of us who are this is literally a universal experience. You are fucking made to be a fucking sex robot and a servant and an agreeable nodding nothing whose opinions dont matter and nothing else. You are TRAINED in social cues and spend your whole life noticing every little thing and forcibly keeping all your opinions inside. Everyone should be lifting our voices up!!! Trans people should be screaming up at the sky not at others to keep their voices down!!

This literally makes me want to scream. Women are not treated better than men. Why would trans men be treated better than trans women? Where are you seeing that, where??? They have SPECIFIC, DIFFERENT experienes and also many that are the same! Because its a fucking spectrum, remember that discourse? When youre trans it doesnt work all neatly in two categories like that. I look like a trans women. Many trans women look like me. Many of us are non-binary and our gender is basically the same regardless of how we were brought up. Why can you ask me my genitals now and if i dont answer i get canceled. what the FUCK is that. Why has it become like this. It started as “our experiences are different, we need a space to talk about the ways they are not the same.” and now its-- disclose whether youre dmab or dfab to be a good ally to trans women. We have to talk about it ALL THE TIME. WE have to go based off genital differences to determine how you are privileged or not. That’s not the fucking way to move our community forward or to connect as individulas. And Guess what?? Trans women don’t even want it!!!

TME is a term that trans women made for VERY SPECIFIC CIRCUMSTANCES. It can be applied to SPECIFIC CIRCUMSTANCES which require a very nuanced and exact language. I may be fucked up for saying this but There are times when trans mascs and butches face a speciifc, different type of transphobia to trans women, too. And they deserve a space to talk about it, too, while still DEFENDING trans fems from terfs. This seems fucking obvious to me. when its white ppl it all pales against transphobic racism anyway.

And that’s the long and short of it, bc trans women arent the ones I see taking about TME. They arent the ones actively claiming they have worse epxeriences with gender and dysphoria. Thats all like cute Nonbinary transmascs typically who are white telling me my experience was a lot easier than others in my community. And to me thats a part of this fucked up socialization--always talk youself down, and hold others like you accountable for reaching beyond their capacity. Other DFAB people telling me to shut up about my transness is fucking ironic in a way that doesn’t make me want to laugh. You were told to shut up your whole life, so now you’re going to put that on me?? Why are we doing this in the first place then?? WHy if not to reclaim the voice that was stolen from us?!

My genitals are thought of as absolutely inconceivable. The 20 pounds of weight on my chest is thought of as a dirty thing I literally need to press and constrain into tight and uncomfortable shapes or I will be violated when I go outside. Do you have any idea what that does to a kid?  I bet you know what it does to an adult. It’s a very similar experience! We need a space to talk about this without being called terfs or told to check our TME privilege. I am going to one day be a man with a beard in a dress. Whats not clicking?

[gwemmieee]

So some of us have been part of a trend during young adulthood.

For those of us who were too marginalized to have a good time in high school, we have this moment of clarity. We look back on it all and we realize, wow, high school sucks!

It just sucks. Every time. For anyone like me. Because kids at that age are typically set up to perpetuate all the harm that destroys the lives of anyone like me.

I think a lot of us have grown up and looked back and had this realization--high school was just never going to be our time to feel comfortable and accepted and able to actually find ourselves in relation to others in most of society.

Well, I'm reaching a new realization now:

College sucks too!

You ever notice that neurodivergent transfems keep not coming out, often not even fully hatching, or at least not ever feeling safe and able to properly find ourselves, until our mid 20s?

It's because society right now still sets up most of its kids, even other trans kids who are not both neurodivergent and transfem, to completely ostracized and alienate us until around that age--until a couple years or so *after* graduating college.

How many times have you worried about being thought of as a creep? Or openly been called one? Or been gradually ostracized by a friend group who gave you every reason to think they had accepted you, because they thought you were creepy and never had the guts to say it to your face (that one happened to me)?

I think, and this is speculation, but I think it's because we're at the cross section of 2 common forms of marginalization.

Transfems in general are often ostracized, especially as eggs but even after coming out, specifically because a lot of people just instinctively are mistrusting and/or hateful of anyone who they perceive as either male or partly subconsciously male because of transphobia, acting very feminine.

Neurodivergent people are often ostracized because their behavior is perceived as antisocial or weird. I hope we all know this story well at this point. You can do some research if you don't.

Additionally, neurodivergent trans fems are very early on put into this extremely isolating box by most of society that is far away from the feminine, from women, etc. We're taught very early on that the only pathway we have to be accepted by society, to be loved and to feel pride in ourselves, is to embrace male nerd culture. And male nerd culture is very sexist, and otherwise toxic. There's a very good reason that most women who have the privilege to be perceived as women don't spend much time in those circles. We'd rather be around better friends who don't objectify us or ignore our agency or question our identities and presentations (like being accused of fake as a girl gamer).

AMABs (regardless of gender identity) who grow up obviously neurodivergent, though, are raised so far out of any healthy feminine circles that we struggle to find or relate to any role models we can truly look up to. Sometimes, out of desperation, we can even look up to role models who help us mask and lock up our closet door tighter, because what else do we have to turn to?

I've said something like this before on here, but I truly believe this intersection of neurodivergent and transfem, and the treatment we're often cordoned off into for who we are, is perhaps the most cruel and most deadly form of marginalization in the modern world, out of forms of marginalization that aren't so oppressive that some semblance of a community can't still find each other and find pride. We're thrust into one of the most likely groups to completely dehumanize us and ostracize us if they ever knew who we really are, and told, "These are your friends and allies. Nobody else is going to understand you. This is the best you'll ever get." And then that sentiment is reinforced by the fact that other men bully us (which we transfems take much more personally than a cis boy ever would, often developing lasting persecution complexes), and other women just look at our physical presentation and conclude that we're another one of those creepy nerds. We're pushed further into our clique, because they at least don't avoid us or deliberately harm us, even though they would be just as terrible to us if we ever stopped hiding. So we don't. We just try to get along with the "friends" we have access to, and try to find some common ground over shared interests, like gaming, computers, comics, etc. This is probably also why so many transfems are programmers and engineers.

This marginalization continues throughout college. Adults aged 18-22 aren't equipped to fully accept anyone who's too different from them. A lot of them are just there to experiment with who they are, up to and including trying stuff out with someone they'll ultimately throw away because they don't understand how to communicate effectively, open up during intimacy, and finally treat someone like a human being with feelings when they breakup (for example, college is when many gay and bi folks are dumped after being someone's "experiment").

Many of them, especially marginalized folks like women and POC and other members of the LGBTQIA community, are at least at a point where they've got a bit of a handle on who they are, but they're still processing trauma. Often trauma that came from actual predators who've harmed them.

But neurodivergent trans fems, we have no idea who we are that early in life. Up until that point, most of us have started to suspect that we could perhaps escape capitalism and maybe start to find ourselves if we enlist in the unhealthy crunch ethic of STEM, and that's a whole other can of worms. Many of us are there to get those degrees and start trying to make enough money to avoid a rat race that, as underdeveloped children in many ways, we are not ready to face.

And the marginalization continues. As we don't know who we are and desperately cling to our "smart" or "nerdy" identities that serve as our first perceived ticket to safety, our fellow women look at us and see a male nerd. A creep. A predator. And they do whatever it takes to minimize interaction and conflict with us, and minimizing conflict sometimes means engaging in a friendly but fake sort of interaction. Which we don't have the social skills to pick up on. So to us it's deceptive and heartbreaking, as we think we're starting to find friends more like us, but they've already painted us as likely abusers to throw away. And it's simply because our society is trained to see feminine behavior, or social ineptitude, especially both at once, in perceived male people, and equate that with predators who would harm them. And most people aren't mature enough to break out of that pattern until much later in life, mid 20s at the earliest. And so after having spent high school alone, isolated, and sad, when everyone tells us, "don't worry, [just like any male nerd] you'll hit your stride and have a great time in college," we don't, and we remain alone and isolated, and sad. And that's when those of us with access to generational wealth or career connections or a real caretaker start to finally find a way out. But those of us without any of those things, we go back home to our parents' basements to spend the rest of our unnaturally short lives in isolated depression. And most of us do. I just got lucky.

College sucks too!

That bare minimum degree of human acceptance that we all need to connect with other people, without which we spiral into isolation and early graves, comes to most of us eventually. If we can stick it out long enough. In more accepting regions, these days it can often even reach trans people by the time they're in college. But not for neurodivergent transfems. The earliest we ever see it, in any part of this world, is our mid 20s. Far too late for most any human being to have stuck it out and survived on their own.

[beta-lactam-allergic]

I have to agree with @thisgingerhasnosoul on this @bisexualseraphim. I'm an gentile/goy who was born & raised in a culturally-Christian country (though neither me nor my parents are Christian ourselves, my parents both left Christianity before they met each other). But I could still see the western "Pro-Palestine" movement was sketchy.

Before October 7th, I naively assumed that if Israel got hit badly, that most leftists would realise how bad Hamas was. After all, I could see how bad they were & with the exception of my pro-Israel/pro-Ukraine/pro-Taiwan stance, there's not much daylight between me & a lot of leftists. I called myself a leftist until probably November (I don't know what to call myself now, the other labels don't fit either).

Just so you know @bisexualseraphim, I glanced at your profile & despite our disagreement on Israel, we agree on more than we disagree on @bisexualseraphim. I always find people like you the most confusing of the anti-Israel crowd because our other positions are similar enough that our thought processes can't be that different. And yet, we are on opposite sides of this issue as I despise Hamas & support Israel in its right to self-defense.

I also despise transphobes (a given, I'm transfem), racists (I'm white-passing but most of my mum's side of the family isn't & because Dad moved up here with Mum, that's the side I grew up knowing), queerphobes (I'm bisexual), ableists & misogynists. I'm not vegan or vegetarian myself, but I find the commitment of those who choose their diets on moral principles rather than taste or health (I don't eat red meat or consume drinks that aren't water for health reasons) to be worth admiring, rather than distaining.

If MRA means what I think it means, yeah those guys suck & I don't like thinking about them.

Your dislike of conservatives tells me that you are probably pro-choice, pro-euthanasia, support a fully decarbonised economy, improvements to public health care & public education & free tertiary education. Perhaps a guaranteed minimum income system (or even UBI), limits to the number of houses a single person can own, increased taxation of millionaires & billionaires, improved funding for the ATO (or your country's equivalent of it), reforestation of some areas that were deforested by humans in the past & free public transport that goes everywhere in the city regardless of time of day. Great, those are all positions I hold.

I too get frustrated by those who scream "they are only two genders". Those ignoramuses ignore the fact that intersex people exist. They ignore all the studies that show that transwomen's brains are closer to that of ciswomen's brains than cismen's brains even before the commencement of HRT, which does tilt it slightly further still. They ignore that other studies shows the same holds for transmen. They ignore the possibility that since we know that sexuality & biological sex are spectrums, than gender identity must be as well.

I agree that those who insist on a transmedicalist approach are being overly narrow-minded. I got my surgeries because I needed it to deal with my own dysphoria, which worked for me. But not all trans people have dysphoria. Of those who do have dysphoria, some don't want to take the risks associated with surgery which is fair enough, one mistake by the surgeon & you are dead (my surgeon required me to know the risks before approving me for surgery. He didn't take clients who didn't know the risks). Others literally can't afford the costs of surgery. Gatekeeping around whether or not you are post-op excludes our poorest members.

That's actually one of the things I like about Israel. Israeli citizens can get gender confirmation surgery covered under their public health system. And those who won't get GCS can still change their legal gender. I learnt this when comparing the rights in my country to the rest of the world before I had my surgeries. In Australia, we have to pay for GCS out of our own pocket. Most of us can't afford the exorbitant costs. I burnt through most of my savings paying for it. Also, at the time QLD still required GCS to get a legal gender change, which was scummy as we can die in at least three different ways if things go wrong.

And I agree that throwing xenogender individuals, non-binary & genderfluid individuals under the bus is just stupidity I'm binary. I identify solely as female. But the bigots want me dead too & throwing those who are xenogender under the bus won't save binary transpeople like myself, it just means we have fewer allies when they come for us (the LNP hates us, so if they win QLD in October, things will get bad here). Also I don't get why anyone cares if someone is xenogender or genderfluid. It doesn't harm anyone, why should anyone else raise a fuss about it.

I hate how our societies treat the mentally atypical. I have Autism, ADHD, Anxiety, Insomnia & Sensory Processing Disorder. Most of my relatives have some kind of neurodivergent conditions. On top of what I got, the following also appear in the family: Schizoaffective, Bipolar, Depression, PTSD, everything in Clusters A & C & most of Cluster B. We are basically just missing HPD (from Cluster B) & DID as far as I know. And even that may be because I'm not told everything. So I have seen & experienced how our society fails us.

As for the British monarchy. Yeah, they are useless wastes of space & I don't understand why we still fund their lifestyle in the 21st century. Just abolish it already.

So we agree on more than we don't @bisexualseraphim. But I support Israel's right to defend itself against Hamas & understand that some civilian casualties are inevitable when fighting Hamas. That seems perfectly reasonable to me.

Just saw some Free Palestine supporters on the road to my parents’ house and was about to wave at them but then I saw a couple of them holding signs making disgusting antisemitic jokes about Passover. Guys seriously how fucking difficult is it to just. Not do that 😭 You’re really not giving Palestine extra help by making horrible comments and jokes about Jews ffs can you not just promote support for Palestine without bringing hatred for entire minority demographics into it DURING THE TIME OF A RELIGIOUS HOLIDAY. It is remarkably easy to criticise Israel without antisemitism and if you can’t do that then maybe you should stay out of the movement because you’re causing much more harm than good

[hometownrockstar]

types of parents i want to see in fiction:

autistic parent who has autistic children and its like cool

housewifedad

nonbinary parents. like this neeeeeds to happen so much more asap.

trans dad who was pregnant with his kids, doesnt matter if he transitioned after or was already a man i just want this and i want it played completely cool and normally

brooding quiet person with a tragic backstory who accidentally adopts a kid and they are their only soft spot. this already exists a lot i know but i want more of it, making it gender neutral too bc we need female characters in this trope asap. hey have u ever noticed this trope is like only ever done with a single kid like if you have more than 1 kid the angst factor disappears and youre just a normal family now i guess

ok the above trope but with multiple kids and now its a family sitcom show but the parent is still as angsty as before

really smart animal beast creature who takes care of a little kid and protects and raises them. i like this trope even tho i can literally only think of 2 examples and its the pokemon movie abt the entei and the little girl and my own ocs.

neglectful parent who ignores their kid and the kid grows up and realizes they sucked and they dont need their attention or anything and never has to do the "forgiving their abusive parent" trope ever (all the examples were of good parents but this one is for me for my catharsis. only time i ever saw this the parent ended up being forgiven/was really good the entire time n it pissed me off)

[music-as-a-haunting]

ok i KNOW the ask game said specify a character but i think all ur pronoun/sexuality takes on all the mash guys would be very cool :3

M*x im fucking love you thank you for the precious gift youve given me…

ALRIGHT M*A*S*H BOYS NIGHT PRIDE EDITION

Hawkeye- is malewife a gender nah but weirdly enough i think Hawk is a he/him but in a “Harry Styles wearing a skirt and nail polish in 2018 while everyone on the internet collectively lost their shit” way. He is, as if I even had to say it, a disaster bisexual.

Trapper- all around red blooded american man, he/him, not exactly disaster bisexual but bisexual with a sunglasses emoji infusion 😎. he WOULD find it funny/endearing if you used she/her pronouns like yes I am that bitch hello how may I help you.

B.J. HUNNICUT IS THE WHOLE FRUIT SALAD. Idk this is just my hc but I feel like he is definitely in a lavender marriage with Peg like they definitely are best friends and they do love eachother but holy fuck Bea Jay Hunnicut is a funny little mlm he/they I want to see him in pain

Frank Burns- he fucking sucks i dislike talking about him but I really wish they fleshed out the “secret repressed homosexual that hates himself” idea so yeah he/him passably straight on the outside little fruit tart on the inside

Charles Emerson Winchester III- Secret Repressed Homosexual that Hates Himself Prime. I am a gay Charles purist and I can and absolutely will die on this hill. who the fuck is Donna He/Him and sometimes the royal “we” just cause hes my special little guy and he can.

Henry Blake- his pronouns are they/them! actually though? I feel like Henry could pretty solidly slot into the non-binary identity. Is this based on fact? No! Its based entirely on vibes (which is arguably more accurate) unrelated but they would also wear the “Women want me fish fear me” hat without a trace of irony

Sherman Potter- now THERE is a trans man who wouldve fuckin thrown down at stonewall. he/him StraightGuy tm who just loves his wife and his horses Very Much. arent there a lot of stories of AFAB ppl dressing as men to join the army? also i hc all of his buds in Old Soldiers to be trans guys too.

Radar- whats that post that goes like “I think Radar is autistic with massive amounts of t boy swag” its really funny but I would like to tweak the narrative n this one. I think Radars mom has the type of rural homegrown wisdom where she thinks the severity of her morning sickness would determine the babies gender so she assumed Radar would be a girl so everyone got her little dresses and painted the Radars room pink but after Radar was born she just. raised her as a girl anyway? you cant exactly scrap a 1-10 year female wardrobe and buy new in Ottumwa so out of convenience he was raised as a girl but recognized as a boy. so i feel by the time he gets drafted in korea and has spent plenty of time performing as both genders he really doesnt care anymore and only prefers mens clothing because he personally finds it more comfortable. i think he would accept he/she/they pronouns and be demisexual.

Klinger- said you were a lesbian girl me too I really dont know how to explain is but Klinger is both a straight man and a lesbian at the same time. definitely he/they/she and demisexual like Radar… i feel like Klinger is your dads older sibling and Radar is your moms younger sibling. same vibes for sure but different auras.

Father Mulchahy- ive been waiting for this one (and another thank you to M*x for letting me on my soapbox) FATHER! MULCHAHY! IS! NOT! ASEXUAL! HE! TOOK! A VOW! OF! CHASTITY! TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS! Please dont feel like im coming for your neck specifically if this is your hc its totally valid to want ace representation and it would only feel natural to assign it to the character who doesnt have any relationships as a part of their backstory or characterization but I feel like only assigning Mulchahy with this role is not only some pretty upsetting ace tokenism but harmful to the sanctity of his faith and vows he took on as a priest. That being said! I think Mulchahy is bisexual (and would probably think Jesus was too) and I think you could address him with he/they pronouns but has a slight preference towards he.

Sidney Freedman- It seems like almost everyone in my post has come down with a case of the bisexual he/theys 🤒 but yeah besides Hawkeye I think Sidney would be the vocal about his identity? He could run circles around homophobes and transphobes who try to claim gay/transness to be a disease and I think his wife probably knows and supports his identity although they remain monogamous (Sidney is NOT a cheater >:( )

Thanks so much for the ask!! I hope I answered thouroughly enough and if I forgot anyone please let me know so I can hit myself really hard with a cast iron pan

[peterrparrkerr]

Trans character - read on ao3

Okay so this was somewhat depressing to write because its so fresh. I kind of took my own coming out story to my mom and copy and pasted it with Tony and Peter. (What aunt May tells Peter is almost word for word for what my mom told me) it was kind of therapeutic to write honestly, but anyway here you guys go!

I wrote this in Tony's POV instead of Peter's because I wanted to write the switch. You know, where Tony no longer thinks of Peter as a he, but as a they. I really liked how it came out.

Also if anyone comes at me saying non-binary isn't transgender I will throw hands.

*-*

Its hard to say what exactly is wrong with Peter when he first walks into the lab after a long holiday weekend.

He smiles the same, walks the same, even makes the same quips and terrible jokes. But there's something off about him that has Tony glancing at him a little longer than necessary when the teenager isn't looking.

"You alright, kid?" He had asked, casually when the silence between jokes grew a little too expansive.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm fine," Peter had responded, waving a hand in Tony's general direction before getting back to work.

Tony hadnt pressed the issue. He must be tired. He doesn't press for the whole afternoon he's with Peter.

But he comes back with that same offness to him the next day, holding the strap of his bag the same as he's done before.

It takes Tony half the day to figure out what's wrong -well, not whats wrong, but that he's upset. Trying desperately to hide it.

"Lets take a break," Tony said, setting his tools down. Peter's head snaps up to meet his eyes, his own wide with surprise. Tony never offers to take a break when in the lab.

"Uh, are-are you sure?" Peter asked, hesitantly setting his own tools down. "I'm not finished-"

"We'll get back to it, I'm hungry."

So Peter follows him up the stairs and into the kitchen. He sits on a stool at the island while Tony putters around the kitchen, getting stuff around for sandwiches.

Tony pretends to put all his attention on making sandwiches, but he sneaks glances at Peter, noting his somewhat drooping shoulders.

He picks at the counter top with a slight frown. He's chewing on the inside of his cheek.

Tony finishes the sandwiches and claps once, jolting the kid. "Done!" He says, watching as Peter immediately changes his features.

The smile is back, wide as ever, eyes glittering and shoulders raising.

"What kind of chips do you want?" Tony asks, instead of asking what he really wants to.

"Uh, plain is fine," Peter said, still scratching his forefinger against the granite.

They both sit across from each other at the island, eating silently. Tony waits until Peter's got most of his food eaten before he decides to start pressing.

"Whats got you down?"

Peter blinks at him, caught off guard. "Huh?"

"You've been off for the last two days. I can tell you're upset about something."

"You can tell?" Peter asked, sounding even more upset. Tony sighs, shoving his empty plate to the side so he can fold his arms on the counter, leaning forward a little.

"I may come across as uncaring at times, or oblivious," he confesses. "But I notice when it counts. And something is bothering you."

And just like that, Peter's walls crumble. Its depressing, honestly, that all it takes is someone taking notice for Peter to break.

"I came out to my aunt this weekend," he said, looking down at his finger, still picking away at Tony's kitchen counter.

"It didn't go well, I take it," Tony sighed. Peter instantly looked up, eyes wide.

"No, no i-it went good," Peter said, shaking his head.

"Then why are you so upset?"

Peter's shoulders sag once again, and he slouches closer to the counter.

"I don't know," he confessed sullenly.

"Is she not supportive of you being gay?"

"Uh, I didn't come out to her as gay," Peter corrected. "I mean, I don't know if I'm gay or not. I'm still- still trying to figure it out."

"Thats alright," Tony said. "Its okay not to know right away."

Peter gives him a small smile.

"But you gotta give me something, kid. Tell me what happened."

Peter lets out a long sigh. One Tony's made many times before.

"I came out as non-binary," Peter said, eyes never leaving the counter. "I've already come out to my friends, and they support me, but, uh, I didn't like lying to Aunt May. I already have to hide the fact that I'm spiderman, I didn't want to hide anything else from her."

Tony stays quiet, nodding along. Peter's gotta tell him more, and Tony doesn't want to ask a question and drop the ball.

"She- she wasn't upset when I told her," Peter continued. "She said she'd always love me, which-which was what I needed to hear," Peter continued. "I thought she'd kick me out or send me to some conversion camp, or just- I don't know, tell me I was wrong."

"But she didn't," Tony said. Peter shook his head, seeming to slouch even closer to the counter.

"No," Peter said softly. "She- she said she wasn't mad, and that what I was feeling was okay, but. But she said she wasn't going to use my pronouns, and that she was going to continue calling me her nephew -which is fine, there's not really a gender neutral term for it- but she- she just, doesn't want to switch how she thinks of me, and- and that kind of sucks."

"That does. I'm sorry, kid," Tony sighed. There's a moment of silence shared between them while Tony processes a little. "What pronouns are you using?"

Peter glances up at him. "Uh, they/them," he said. "But, uh, you don't have to, you know. Use them," he added lamely.

Tony shakes his head. "They're your pronouns, Peter. Of course I'll use them."

Tony watches as Peter blushes, dropping their eyes to the counter once more.

"Do you have a preferred name?" Tony asked again.

"Uh, no not really," Peter shrugged, looking up again. "I like Peter."

Tony nods, smiling at them encouragingly. "If you ever decide your birth name doesn't fit you, I'll call you whatever you want."

Tony must say the right thing because Peter lights up like a Christmas tree. They climb off the stool and rushes around the island.

Tony turns in his chair just in time for the teenager to crash into him, hugging him tight.

"I'm sorry about your aunt, kiddo," Tony sighs against the top of Peter's head.

"Its okay," they said, voice muffled in Tony's shirt. "She was just- raised differently."

Tony shook his head, tightening his hold on Peter. "Its not okay, Pete. We were born in the same generation. Its not about being raised a certain way, its about her mindset."

Peter pulls back a little, looking up at Tony. "I just- I'm okay with her just knowing," they said softly. "It made me feel better to tell her, but- but I respect her enough not to- not to force her to use my pronouns. Its just- I can compromise."

That gets Tony really scowling.

"Kid," he sighed. "Listen, respect is a two way street, and thats not respect. She should have respect for you enough to accept you."

"She does," Peter said, eyes widening.

"She doesn't," Tony countered. "If she accepted you, she'd use your pronouns no problem. She may still love you, and she probably won't think of you any differently, but refusing to use your preferred pronouns is disrespectful."

Peter looks torn, and Tony smooths his features, trying not to show his anger towards Peter's aunt.

He pulls Peter back into his chest, and they go willingly, tucking their head under Tony's chin.

"I'm sorry about your aunt," Tony repeated, holding the teenager tight.

This time, Peter only nods, hugging Tony back just as tightly.

The rest of the week, Tony notices Peter's mood changing. Its a slow change, starting out with disappointment, and working its way to acceptance.

They're still not happy about coming out to their aunt, but Tony thinks talking with them seemed to help a lot.

Peter decides to turn their focus on other things. On his friends, on the avengers, on Tony and the project they're working on together.

It doesn't make the problem with their aunt go away, but it helps. Tony knows when they're old enough to move out, life will be much easier on them. They'll be able to express themselves completely in their own home -not just with their friends.

But until then, Tony thinks Peter's okay with the slight crack in the foundation of their relationship.

All Tony can do is be there for the kid, let them rant about their feelings and offer a room for them when they need time away. He wishes things were different for Peter, but they've both accepted that its not.

[rotationalsymmetry]

About gender and when is it a “gender roles suck” thing and when is it a “that gender isn’t for me” thing (this is pretty centered on people who were raised as girls, I just…that’s what I know I guess?):

Some women actually like stereotypically feminine things, like…clothes, I guess? I have no idea why, but apparently this is a thing. Presumably some guys actually like sports and never talking about their feelings and stuff.

(I want to point this out because sometimes you get into the feminist track and you don’t like the societal expectation to “look pretty” or whatever. And everyone you’re talking to also doesn’t like the societal expectation to look pretty. And then you’re talking about pockets and interview clothes and beauty standards and when actual models are photoshopped on magazine covers. And it’s possible to just kind of…forget, or not realize, that some women do, in fact, actually want to look pretty, independent of all that.)

So let’s say you’ve been told your whole life you’re a girl, but you’ve also been told that girls want to look pretty and be on the cheerleading team and talk about boys and shop and all these things you feel no personal connection to. (Incidentally: sometimes girls don’t wanna talk about boys because they’re ace or lesbian or not actually a girl and don’t want to date boys as a girl; I do actually like like boys but I still didn’t want anything to do with middle school “which boys do you think are cute” conversations. Still not entirely sure what’s up with that.) So what does that make you? Does it make you a weird (perhaps gender non-conforming) girl, or does that make you something other than a girl?

Well, first off, you can be a weird girl. (Or women. I mean, generally this blog is for adults. But also, wow middle school was a thing wasn’t it.) Lots of women dance to the beat of a different drummer and are no less women for it, and thank goodness for that.

You also can be a not a girl. Lots of people who were always told they were girls find they are happier/less miserable/more themselves when they start thinking of themselves as not-girls, or being seen as not-girls by other people, or altering their body in a gender-y way, or all of the above.

Or not exclusively a girl/woman, which is where I’m at.

It’s just what feels right. And that’s the scary part: you can’t go to the doctor and get diagnosed with trans. (Well, you kinda can, gender dysphoria is a diagnosis…but it’s still kinda on you to decide what you want.) You can take all the online quizzes you want, and none of that’s more important than what you think you are.

That’s big and scary, so it helps to break it down into steps. Do I want to try doing something different with my clothes or hair? Do I want to try being called a different name or pronoun set? What happens when I daydream about myself going through the world as a different gender? What happens if I start calling myself “butch” or “masc”, how does that sound? What if I look for other people who have decided they are what I might be, and listen to what their experiences are? You take it one step at a time, and if something feels wrong you go back.

(It can help to recognize when you’re conflating things. “I want x, but I don’t want y” well who ever said that if you wanted x you needed to have y too?) (Sometimes these things are forced, like maybe if you want a different gender on your driver’s license you need to reach a certain level of medical transition, maybe if you want strangers to call you “sir” you need to figure out how to look more masculine even if you don’t want that for its own sake, maybe you just can’t get hormones where you live without seeing a therapist even if you don’t want to talk to a therapist about your gender.)

And you have other things in your life: your art or your long walks or your ultimate frisbee or volunteering at the animal shelter or whatever.

Gender roles do suck, and when gender roles feel too confining, some people respond to that by fighting the gender role from within, as it were (and it helps to find other people who are doing the same thing), and some people respond by throwing out the whole gender, and there isn’t an inherent opposition between these responses. The people who want girls to wear dresses also don’t like trans people, the people who don’t like trans people generally also have pretty set expectations for how women should be (even if the conservative set of expectations and the terf expectations are different sets) and “everybody should be able to do what works for them” is a self consistent position. It’s not necessary, or helpful, to replace conventional binary gender roles with a new “everybody has to get into the right boxes.” Fuck boxes, is what I’m saying.

And both gender non-conforming people and trans people are fighting the boxes for our existence (and both sometimes make compromises, when you need a job or when your family won’t let you show up to the funeral unless you’re “dressed appropriately” or whatever.) And some of us are both.

Gender non-conforming people and trans people aren’t enemies, and a gnc person deciding they’re actually trans after all isn’t some cosmic loss. The people who want you to think that way, though…

Specifically, with feminism, men are feminists all the time, abandoning a female gender identity doesn’t have to mean abandoning feminism, and it doesn’t mean you have to stop talking about your experiences of being treated as a woman. That’s still relevant. (Men aren’t the enemy. Patriarchy, a system that privileged men over women, and which is held up by women as well as by men and can be resisted by people of all genders, is the enemy.)

[double--cross-d]

My LOS headcannons

Colored Pencils, Jean-Pierre

In a QPR with Rubber Band

He was the one who decided to have the Earth Vellumental raise the Overlook Tower. The plan? "Ok, I am your average bigender taking my giant folded turtle dog on a walk. Yep. Totally not sus."

Has ADHD and needs to be reminded at times to take a break from drawing and eat something/sleep

The reticle eye? He can't see shit out of it.

Fluent in French and will be insulted if you make fun of it being too hard.

French is his second language.

Eats lots of weird shit that could possibly kill him if he were a human.

Has photocopied his art just to eat it before.

Ate a ton of crayons when he was little and now talks in them. Oh no.

Also has rainbow teeth, but that wasn't from the crayon incident

Likes teasing Tape about their height because what're they gonna do? Punch him in the face? Yes actually. On several occasions, but it's still funny because they had to get a chair for a few of those times.

Scissors is his older sister

Trans-femme, but it rarely comes up because, again, bigender.

Very eager to show off art. If you so much as mention wanting to see it he lights up.

Has a tooth gap and is pretty self conscious about it.

Mainly goes by Jean

Rubber band, Ruby

QPR with Jean

Has a giant hole in its torso. Jean's the only one who's seen it.

Its body is actually made of the electric paint from Sunshine. It has to be careful dolling out hugs.

Has been able to do that twirl clothes change thing on several occasions. Its secret has yet to be revealed...

Big cuddle bug. Body is perfect for hugs when covered.

May or may not have a hand in its brother, Hole Punch, looking halfway decent on occasion.

Can't walk in heels for shit. Concerned that Punch can wear 2 inch platformer heeled boots and wide bottomed jeans.

Your average nonbinary drama student. Lord help us.

Actually doesn't like performing alone. It always has a bit of stage fright, but have at least one other person on stage and it's fine.

Probably doesn't know that gender exists TBH

Can freeze if it gets too cold. It also hates the cold.

Hole Punch, P-Punch

I wasn't creative when choosing xeir name, I know.

The dude at the party that just sits in the least populated room and pets the dog.

Dating Tape, surprisingly.

Honestly hella shy. Xey got that social anxiety. Only really comfortable around the rest of the LoS. Anyone else and xey become really defensive and standoffish.

Punched xeir own face out when xey were twelve. Because xey did it to xemself, nothing changed other than xem becoming very self conscious and getting an LED mask.

Tape is the only one whose not related to xem who has seen xeir missing face. Advice: Keep the mask on.

X3y l1t3r4lly t4lk l1k3 th15.

You don't hear it that way, it sounds like they talk normally, albeit autotuned, but you just know. It can cause migraines if left unchecked whuch sucks because Autism and infodumping.

Mainly uses xeir tail to punch out objects thicker than xeir claws can handle, and faces.

If you have your face punched out by xem, you might as well be dead. Xey have full control over your body like a puppeteer and if xey aren't in the same room as you, you basically become a disco zombie.

The best way to avoid this fate? Keep xem in a good mood, don't make direct eye contact, and if you see what's under the mask without xem noticing don't say anything about it.

Has an exoskeleton about the consistency of rubber mixed with plastic bottles. Xeir back had a fuck ton of scars on it, but when it got ripped off Scissors gave xem a 'transplant'. It still hurts to touch.

Tape, Frankie

Gangster with a big soft spot.

Dating Punch.

The shortest LOS member that is not a dog and constantly gets teased about it.

When they do cut their hair they do it with a knife. Not to be tough or anything, it just turns into adhesive the second it's not attached to their body and it's easier to clean off a knife than a pair of scissors

Their arms are tape prosthetic at the elbow down to their hand and can be torn off. It hurts like hell, but at least their hands are disembodied.

The prosthetics naturally grow back.

Their tougue is also tape. Their mouth is just a weird tape dispenser that's constantly full

Has probably said, "Ey! I'm transin' my gender 'ere!" At some point.

Can extend the fucking pompadour like an extra stretchy limb and grab things with it. They don't do this often but it has happened.

Only wears a shirt under the jacket if it's really cold out. Otherwise, there's no shirt because it make them dysphoric and the transitioning scars are on full display

Yes I am implying they had sniddies at one point. Shut up.

Likes the look of smoking, but can't stand cigarette smoke or the taste of candy sticks. They constantly have a bag of suckers on them at all times.

Their teeth have always been made of metal. Literal. Fucking. Metal. And they're fucking sharp too.

Mechanic

Scissors, Eddie

Romance Repulsed Aro/Ace

Is a surgeon, and sometimes makes highly unethical experiments because she can. She sewed a eye into a hand and sewed that onto an anaconda and called it her pet.

Her blades are her arms. Her sheathes are also working arms with hands attached.

Eats bugs.

*looks at a literal cryptid* "I'm adopting that."

The tallest of the LOS. She can launch Frankie across the room.

Got the scar on her eye from messing with her blades when she was younger and putting way it too close to her face.

How this happened is up for interpretation as both she and Jean-Pierre are robots

Would probably put a kid in a blender if her moral code wasn't stopping her.

Major Overbite.

Favorite song is ironically The Dismemberment Song. Everyone is concerned about this.

Calls herself Eddie Von Scissorfingers because even her sheathed hands are sharp. She has murder on the mind 24/7 and she wants you to know that.

Really susceptible to frostbite.

Most definitely has those sarcastic coffee mugs and constantly drinks out of them.

Stapler

Sevice dog! Because whoever said that a literal child can run a kingdom without stress is a damn liar.

Very aloof.

Probably a German Shepard/Great Dane Mix.

That's it.

[seventhfracture]

q. 3, 16-19, 26, 28, 32, 34-36, 38, 40, 44, 51, 53, 58, 66, 73, 85, 96, 97, 100 please? (feel free to not answer, I'm aware these are way too many questions but consider! I had to choose from 100 when I just wanted to ask `em all- again no pressure to answer all of these)

TUMBLR FUCKED UP THE NUMBERS FORGIVE ME

1. Do you really think there is somebody for everybody? That presumes everyone wants someone. Which I don’t think is true. If you do want someone… well there at what? 9 billion people? Statistically your odds of finding someone are pretty good. But if you want something you can’t just want it. You have to take steps to make it happen. And that might mean compromise or action.

2. Do theoretical ethical debates have any value? Is it important people discuss ethical dilemmas, e.g. the trolley problem? I think a lot of pressing social issues started as a “theoretical ethical debate” in one circle or another. “Should we free the slaves?” was definitely a thought experiment before it was a reality. If we go real obtuse like “What if reality is a simulation, does that change anything?” etc. Shit we can’t really know. Then I still think there’s interesting stuff to pull. And philosophy has contributed a lot to different parts of society. Thinking is good.

3. Did you have imaginary friends? Do you still have them? Lol I think lots of people keep their imaginary friends in some way or another. “God” or “my roleplay blog” or “my online persona” or “my sexually dominating side” or “my OCs in my WIP” etc. etc. Whatever you call them I think its kind of natural?

4. Are you religious? Do you think your religion is ‘correct’? I was raised a polytheist. I’m a form of Pagan in practice. I believe there are lots of gods. I don’t really bother with asking if another religion is “real” or not. If someone believes something, then that’s fine. But I think you should be prepared to argue your point. People use religious belief to justify stances all the time. So you should be prepared to argue why your religion is good or right if you’re going to use “well my faith says…” as your justification.

5. If you aren’t religious, do you wish you were? Why? Religion is interesting, I could talk about it for ages, but I’m glad I’m not more religious. I think if I couldn’t take science into account when asking certain “should we/shouldn’t we?” questions that’d suck.

6. What’s the most life-changing choice you’ve made so far? Probably to transition. I transitioned after high school. Which in some ways was a blessing but I got doctors, I changed all my documentation, I picked a new name, I had to come out to all my family, my work… It made me very happy but it was huge.

7. Would you want to live forever? How about for a billion years, a million, a millennium, a century? I believe in reincarnation but I think it’s natural to be scared of death. Frankly if I could avoid the gamble I’d rather live. Even if I’m just a brain in a jar. If I can be here that’s better than being nothing.

8. Was your childhood happy? Uhhhhh….?? Um…. Well—Uh—Next question.

9. What are you missing from your life? A way to make money doing things I’m passionate about. I’m still figuring that out.

10. Have you ever met someone who had a very similar personality to your own? Did you get along? I knew someone who was very like me when I was a very different person. They were trash, I was trash, and I’m glad that 1) I changed and 2) we don’t speak anymore. I was a fucking psycho.

11. Is your life what you expected it would be five years ago? Totally different in some ways. Exactly as planned in others. I’m happy, so who cares? I made the best decisions I could with what I had at the time.

12. What makes a person ‘good’? Are you a ‘good person’? “Good” people do good things. Even if they think awful things. “I fed the poor, but I only did it to fatten my ego!” The poor don’t fucking care. They got fed. Likewise a person who has good thoughts but doesn’t act on them (aka “well I think gay folk aren’t hurting anyone, but God/my church say they’re against the bible so I guess—”) are bad people.

13. How often do you lie? Is all lying inherently bad? Are you generally truthful? I lie a lot. I think you should. I think we should stop demonizing lying. Most people don’t care about your details. They just need the gist to get the job done. And if it doesn’t involve someone, they don’t deserve to know anything. It would be truthful to tell your landlord you got a promotion, but they’re not entitled to that information. You should be as honest as you feel comfortable being. Even if that’s not very honest at all. And, yes, there are consequences. You have to deal with those.

14. What question could you ask to find out the most about a person? One question? Oh man that’s hard… probably “who do you love most?” Because do they answer themselves? Their partner? Their parents? There’s info in all the options.

15. Which beliefs do you have that is most likely to be wrong? “Eat the Rich, literally” will not actually solve anything. But I think cannibalistic revolution has been overlooked too long as a viable option.

16. Are we eventually going to ‘run out’ of new combinations for music, art, language, etc.? Is there a limit to human creativity? Never. I mean you could argue we already have. Isn’t everything just an old story repackaged? Or an old song dressed up? I think the ‘when’ and ‘where’ something is released is as powerful as ‘what’ it is.

17. How do you feel about the idea ‘an eye for an eye’?| My dear friend has a policy “do no harm, take no shit.” And I abide by that. I think you should care about people, I think all life is improved when we improve the rights/conditions of others, but if you start shit I’m going to end it.

18. Would you fight for your country? Do you feel a sense of loyalty to your nation? My country? Eeeeeh my country is flawed. My rights? My way of life? My home? Yeah, sure. It’s not about the flag.

19. Do you think you would be happier if you had been born a different gender, sexuality, race, ethnicity, nationality or religion? I think I got pretty damn lucky. My life would be MUCH harder if even one of those factors was altered. Yeah, I’m trans but it could be waaaay worse.

20. Is your perception of yourself similar or the same to how others perceive you? People are usually a lot nicer about me than I am to myself. I like that. Generally, I like myself too but it’s not always easy. More than once my relationship with my body or mind has been purely antagonistic.

21. Are you overly analytical? I guess? I have too many opinions lol. Things would be simpler if I cared less.

22. What belief do you have that isn’t logically grounded, but you still firmly believe in? I’m a Pagan. And I hate the “these essential oils cure cancer!” stuff but I definitely believe you can curse someone. And I get that’s a little crazy lol.