#its like you hit resume on a movie and your memory works again suddenly

[blughxreader]

Girl HELP when the fog of agonizing depression lifts suddenly and you feel human for the first time in months and you want to continue learning a language and reading your favorite books but you have neglected homework due at midnight

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

The Perfect Bad Boy (Pt. 16 of 18)

Pairing: Billy Hargrove X Reader

Word count: 3 K

Summary: Working as a lifeguard in the Hawkins Community Pool, you try to fit in after moving from New York. Things were going pretty well when you notice you've been under someone's stare. Billy Hargrove, Hawkins' bad boy, has been staring at you since day one. You never intended to have anything to do with him, judging by the reputation he has. But Billy won't leave you alone, determined to show you his feelings are different this time...

As if your heart flooding you with confusing feelings wasn't enough, there are weird, strange animals lurking in the woods... But those have to be just part of the wild live of the woods surrounding Hawkins... Right?

<- Previous part (15)

Next part (17) ->

{Stranger Things Masterlist}

×

The Loss Of A Friend

You've never been to a funeral. Well, you did, but you were a kid and you didn't know the family friend who was being buried that day. In your child's mind, you didn't get why everyone was wearing black, in uncomfortable silence, crying all day long. You remember clearly that a blue bug got your attention, making your eyes follow its every move, making you smile despite the sad atmosphere.

It couldn't be more different today.

As the coffin is lowered into the ground, where Jason will forever rest now, you hold Billy's hand, the soft fabric of your black dress tickling your tights. You barely feel it though, all your sensations resumed to the weight in your chest, crushing, squeezing your ribs, smashing your heart.

You suddenly remember the day Monica introduced you to Jason. It was the Saturday before you started working at the pool, in the parking lot of Starcourt Mall. He had his little brother on one arm, and the girl walking beside him, tugging on the hem his shirt.

“So that's the new girl.” He said, a smile spreading across his lips as he reached out his hand for you to shyly shake. “I'm Jason, born to bear the weight of being Monica's cousin, but also the coolest guy you'll find in Hawkins.”

That, of course, started a small war of cheesy pick-up lines, insults, and sarcastic comments. You laughed, feeling easily welcomed by Monica's cousin.

Now, what gets your attention is how his young siblings cry, yell, calling out Jason as is he was just sleeping inside the wooden box and would wake up, smile, and start chasing them around again. He won't. Jason is only a memory now.

“I think we should go,” Billy says in a low voice, letting go of your hand to rub your arms softly.

Nodding, you let him guide you to his Camaro, driving you away from the sea of people dressed in black. You've known Jason for such a little time compared to everyone else here, who saw him grow up, studied with him, lived near him for many years. Your pain is just a speck of dust compared to theirs.

When you get home, the sun is setting. You decide to call Diane, just to make sure she's alright, but you don't tell what happened. It would make her come here immediately, and the last thing you need is someone else you care about being in danger. You have to lie, despite hating yourself for it, telling her that your voice is funny because you had to yell a lot with the kids at the pool. But it's better this way. There are more than enough people here you need to worry about.

“Come here,” Billy calls when you finally head to the bedroom. He sits in the bed, back against the headrest and you're quick to crawl into the bed and into his arms. “How are you feeling?”

“I don't know. Sad doesn't really explain it.” Putting your legs over his, you hide your face on his neck, breathing in your favorite cologne, the only one he uses since the day you told him that. “I can't believe I buried Jason. Jason. My crazy-ass friend.” Your voice cracks and you hold back a sob. “I'll never hear those stupid jokes again.”

“I'm so sorry, princess.” There's a pain in his voice too. Billy has been around Jason a bit, mostly with you. But you know he's actually sad because of how broken you are. You can see it in his eyes, that he wish he could take your pain away, and that he's desperate because he doesn't know what to do.

But there's nothing Billy or anyone else could do. You can't fight death. You can't hit it with a baseball bat full of nails until it gives your friend back. The only thing you can do is avenge him. Get whatever took him and destroy it.

“I wanna kill those Demothings.” The anger in your voice is tangible, and you clench your hands into fists. “I swear to God, Billy, I'll kill one of them myself.”

“Anger won't help. We need to be smart about it. We need a strategy.” Billy is often angry with things. Mostly with things that hurt you, but this time, you get why he's taking another path, trying to calm you down instead of putting more wood in the fire. “The meeting is set for tomorrow. We'll find a battle plan to kill those damn things.” His hand comes to lay on your thigh, fingers softly caressing your skin. “But for now you need to rest, ok? I'll cook something you like and then we'll cuddle watching some nice movie. How does that sound?”

“What if I cry through the movie?” You ask because more tears start rolling down, it doesn't matter how many times you try to get rid of them.

“Then I'll hold you tight.”

“Sounds good to me.”

Billy is kind enough to try and get you into some small talk. Nothing too complicated, nothing related to the Demothings or Jason. You're thankful for that. He even manages to get a few laughs from you, although they're always followed by a reality check when the events of the last two days hit you again, and the smile is gone.

A couple of hours later you're watching Jaws, your head on Billy's chest as you try to follow the events of the movie. But it seems way too fast for you, or it's just your mind that's refusing to process anything that's happening.

You just keep thinking about death. About how Jason's whole life was cut short. How all of his plans for the future were erased.

“Billy, can I ask you something?” Keeping your voice low, you speak up for the first time since you came to the living room after having dinner.

“Of course, princess. What is it?”

Biting your lip, you consider if you should really bring that up. It's selfish to talk about your future when someone else won't have one. But this whole situation made you want to make plans because it's a privilege to still be here. It's a blessing to still have time. “What you said to Joyce about... Marriage. Did you really mean that or–” Pushing yourself up from where you were laying on top of him, you take a deep breath. “–or were you just trying to get out of the conversation. Because it's ok if–”

“Haven't I made it clear that I want to be with you for the rest of my life?” He moves to sit up as well, pulling you close until you're placed in between his legs, a hand caressing your cheek. “Because if I hadn't, I'll make it clear now. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I don't know how it happened, and it did get me by surprise, but the day you walked in the Hawkins Community Pool, I knew something changed in me. I knew I had to get to know you, and I did thought it would pass, that I'd get tired of you as I got of the other girls, but I didn't.” Billy holds you closer to him, your foreheads touching. “You hit me like–”

“Bang.” You finish for him, the memory of the day he was unbelievably honest with you coming back. The day he admitted to you, and somehow to himself too, that he liked you. It was also the day he punched David, and the day he kissed your cheek, making your stomach burn like it has been set on fire.

“Like bang.” He breathes out, warm lips coming in touch with yours. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you pull him as close as you can, the need to feel that he's here, with you, clouding the sound of the TV. Billy moves to lay back down again, and when you move to follow his change of posture, your knee slips and connects to his ribs. “Ouch!” He breathes out, cutting off the kiss.

“Oh, shit. I'm so sorry.” Covering your mouth, you bring the free hand to rub his side. “Sorry, baby.”

Taking a deep breath, he grabs your arm and pulls you down, making you collide on his chest, giggling. “Sorry. I shouldn't be joking around with you now.”

Squinting your eyes at him, you try to get up, but his strong arms come around your body, keeping you from moving. “I hate you, Hargrove.” The fake sentence is soon overcome by a giggle. “I'll kick you right this time, I'm warning you.”

“Oh, I'm shaking like a leaf.”

“Don't test me, Hargrove. Keep in mind we sleep on the same bed and I know all of your habits, baby.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Mhmm.” Mumbling, you manage to stand up, moving back into a sitting position. You know he actually let you go, but there's no reason to acknowledge that. Taking a deep breath, the sudden happiness is stained again, as the memories crawl back. It seems like Billy notices because his smile softens. “I love living with you, you know that, right?”

“I love waking up next to you every morning.”

You can't help the smile that comes to your lips as you bend over again, kissing his lips.

On the next day, Billy calls Anthony to ask him to give you a few days off work. Obviously, you have to urge your hothead boyfriend not to curse the manager and risk losing his job. You feel fine to go to the pool, or you think you do, but the truth is you wouldn't be paying much attention anyway. And much to your dismay, Billy gets a total of zero days off. No discussion, what makes him hang up the phone so hard you thought he broke the poor thing.

Since you don't want to be alone, and Billy would absolutely never allow you to be alone in the house when you're friend just died, he drives you to Joyce's place, where the party will gather to make plans.

Saying it's hard to be away from Billy on the day after you buried Jason is a misunderstanding. Seeing him drive away from Joyce's porch makes you feel like he's taking your heart with him. He didn't seem pleased either, but there was no other choice. You wouldn't make him miss the day, since you know Anthony is a terrible human being, just looking for the right excuse to get rid of the lifeguards.

“Honey, come inside,” Joyce calls a hand on your shoulder. “Can I get you something to eat? We had pizza last night and I have a slice in the fridge.”

“No, thank you, Joyce.” Politely, you decline her offer. “Is there any bed I can crash in?”

“Sure. Come.” Walking through Jonathan and Will, you wave at them, muttering a good morning and trying not to cry at their sad faces. They know Jason was a close friend, and, like everyone else, they don't know what to do or say. “This is Will's and Jonathan's room. Just pick a bed.” Nodding, you choose the one on the left and lie down. “Do you need to talk?”

“There's nothing to say.” Putting your head on a pillow, you stare at the ceiling. You feel comfortable around Joyce, she has this mother thing about her. “I just want this to end. Before anyone else gets... Eaten.” The word makes you shiver as it brings the image of his body back. “I wish I wasn't the one to find him. To... See him that way. I don't think I'll ever forget that.”

“Honey, I'm so sorry.” She comes to sit on the edge of the bed. “When... When they found Will's body, it hurt. I knew in my heart it wasn't him, but the very idea of losing my baby was horrible. So I have an idea of how you feel. Losing someone is a pain that doesn't go away. You'll get used to it, but it remains. All we can do is learn to deal with it and honor them by carrying their memories.”

You're crying through her speech, and you can't help but sit up and hug her, crying on her shoulder. “We have to be careful because I can't lose anyone else.” You're not sure if she can even understand what you're saying, but since she nods, you think she did.

“Don't worry, honey. We'll all be alright.” She pulls away, rubbing both your arms. “The kids will be here soon, but feel free to stay here or join us, ok? Do whatever makes you comfortable.”

“Thanks.” Offering her a small, sad smile, you watch as she leaves.

You hear when they get here, the chattering starts, and you can understand a few words here and there. They talk about you, and about Billy and about the funeral. But soon enough it falls into the major problem. And that's when you tune out, staring at the ceiling, trying not to make yourself too comfortable in someone else's bed.

The only thing you want now is Billy. You want to go back to the time where there was no Demogorgon, Demowhatever lurking around. At least to you. It's weird to know what really happened in Billy's car accident, how he was almost the host for the Mind Flayer. You're happy it didn't happen, that he's here now. You need to thank Max for that, actually. If it wasn't for her and the others, your Billy wouldn't be here. He could be dead, and you'd never meet him. He'd never shoot glances at you, or drive you home, buy you tacos or punch David's face. Or kiss you, hold you, love you. The thought of a life without Billy in it is absurd. Now, more than ever, after you lost someone so dear, you have this need to be with him. Just to make sure he's here.

Breathing out and closing your eyes, your hand comes to hold the necklace. It makes you feel closer to Billy, and there is a silent promise here, one you hold close to your heart, together with the earring.

Eyes open, you get up of the bed. You don't care if you got days off, you have to see him. Even if it's just for a hug. Leaving the bedroom, you make your way to the living room, which is crowded.

“We wait until it's late at night to make sure the Demodogs are out, sneak inside the tunnels, and spill insane amounts of gasoline all over it. Get the hell out, wait until it's morning, and set the whole thing on fire.” Dustin says, hands in the air and a smile on his face.

He's kidding, right? He can't be suggesting that as if it's the greatest idea of the world. “Are you completely insane?” You ask, making your presence known. Arms crossed, your eyes scan through the party. “You can't possibly think this is a good idea.”

“I agree with (Y/N), this is insane,” Joyce adds, her face making it clear she thinks this idea sucks. “I won't let you do that.”

“But–”

“The point is to kill them without getting ourselves killed. And every single idea you come up with has a hundred different ways to get us killed.” Steve says, both his hand on his hips as he paces around the room. “Who thinks this idea sucks raise your hand.” He's the first to do it, and Joyce, you, and Jonathan do the same.

“Count Billy in.” You say, raising the other hand as well.

“And Hopper,” Joyce states, giving you an approving stare.

“It's six against seven. We're doing it.” Dustin exclaims.

“No.” You basically shout, not caring one bit if you sound bossy. All eyes lay on you as you struggle to keep it together. “We're not doing it and that's final.”

“I–”

“I just lost a friend and I will not let you do something that might just end up in another funeral.” There are tears threatening to fall again, but you hold them back. “So come up with something else.”

The silence is deafening. You know you're breaking down again, even though the tears aren't rolling down. Yet.

“Please. There's gotta be something else.” Lowering your voice and looking down at your feet, you beg. You can't even think about someone else dying. You couldn't bear it.

“I saw this thing at school. Like a robot with remote control.” Lucas starts. “If we could build a bunch of them and attach a hose, we could guide it inside the tunnels and spread the gasoline.”

“Yeah, but there are seven holes. Which means a lot of ground we'd have to cover.” Eleven adds as you make your way to the group, sitting on the couch beside Joyce.

“Let's blow up six of them.” You burst out, crossing your legs. “A hell of a explosion that would take those things days to dig it back. Then there will be only one way in and out. Find a hell of a long hose or just connect a bunch of them and a million gallons of gas. The robots will spread it then we'll just need a match.”

“That's good. It could work.” Nancy says. “But we'll need to chip in to buy all these things.

“Hopper can get some for free I'm sure.”

“We start right now.” Mike stands up and the others follow. “Let's get started.”

The rest of the day is hectic. Lists are made, one of the kids teachers come over to help with what they called a summer project. For fun. And the materials started arriving. You don't really know what to do, so you help Joyce make lunch, keeping up with her small talk. Joyce is easy to be around, and you like to hear her stories about Will and Jonathan. You even manage to show a few smiles every now and then. After everyone is fed, you finally sit on the porch, trying to help as much as you can. The kids are genius, literally building remote control robots from random pieces and the instructions from books. It's amazing. Since you can't really be of much help in this aspect, you join Nancy, separating stuff or doing anything they tell you too.

When the sun is setting, some of them had to go home to gather their stuff. They'll crash here and take the robot construction through the night. By the moment you hear the faint noise of Billy's car, it's just Joyce's kids, Steve and Dustin. Leaving the small pieces of metal you were shaping into tiny little circles, you stand up abruptly.

“Where are you going? These circles aren't going to make themselves.” Dustin complains, raising his hands in the air.

“Billy is back.” There's no need for further explanation, so you tiptoe among the stuff, careful not to step on anything.

“It could be anyone.”

“Dustin, is there any other car in Hawkins that sounds like that?” As you speak, the noise gets louder and Billy's car comes to your sight.

“She knows her boyfriend's car.” Steve jokes as you walk to the yard, smiling when Billy stops the car and comes out.

“Miss me, princess?”

“Obviously.” It's a feeling of pure relief to see him. It feels like it's been so much longer than just some hours, but you feel that you'll have this insane need to be around him for a while. Just to enjoy the fact that you're still alive. You can't help but wonder for long the idea of death will hover over you... Probably forever.

“You ok?” He asks, his hand on your hair as you have your head on his chest.

“I will be.” Remembering the audience, you pull away, standing on your toes to kiss him. “Dustin had a terrible idea but I made him change his mind about it.”

“How did you do that?”

“I yelled.” With no intention of further explanation, you turn at the guys. “I'll be back tomorrow morning, alright? Have fun doing crazy science.” Waving at them, you get into the car.

You would like to stay at Joyce's, keep helping as much as you can, but you feel like you need silence and peace. The kid's laughter and jokes make you feel better, but you know that you also need to let the sadness creep over for a while. Keeping it hidden, disguised, makes no good. So as you dry and brush your hair, waiting for Billy to finish his shower, you cry.

For Monica, for Jason's younger siblings, his mother, his father, uncle, and aunt. For every friend he made since he was born. And for yourself too. Jason was one of the people that you imagined you'd be around for the rest of your life.

You're dragged away from your thoughts by the phone's ring. Rushing to answer it, you find it's Joyce, kindly asking if you can pick Mike up and drive him to her place, and of course, you comply.

“Billy.” You call when you hear him coming out of the bathroom. “Joyce needs us to pick up Mike. Nancy can't stop what she's doing there.”

“Sure. Let's go.”

Being out at night makes you anxious, but you try not to let it show. Eyes on the road, you bounce your leg nervously, tugging on the seat belt. Billy notices, and a hand comes to rest on your thigh.

“We'll be fine. Relax.”

“I'm trying.” Stretching your arm, you touch his neck. “I'm sorry if I can't stop thinking about Jason and what happened.”

“(Y/N), you just lost a friend. My responsibility as your boyfriend is to hold and love you through this process. Don't apologize.”

“I don't want this to be your responsibility, Billy.” When he turns his head to look at you, you run your fingers through his jaw.

He takes a deep breath, pulling over by Mike's house. You were about to get out, but since he doesn't move, neither do you. Billy looks like he's thinking, furrowed eyebrows and distant eyes. “Billy? Come back to Earth.” You decide to ask, taking off the belt and turning your body towards his.

“To have and to hold. For better or worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.” He squints his eyes through the words, trying to remember them. It takes a while for you to understand what he means, and when you do, your heart starts drumming in your ears. “To love and cherish till death do us part.”

“Billy...”

“It means I'll stand by your side. Not because I feel like it's my responsibility, but because I love you. And I'm more than happy to take the responsibility of being your–”

“Couldn't you save that up for, I don't know, someday when I'm dressed in white?” The words come out fast, and you're blushing hard, your cheeks burning. “No. You had to do this now. Drive me insane now in your Camaro.” You roll your eyes dramatically when his lips break into a smile, that smug, cocky smile he has when he knows he got to you somehow.

“Be my wife, (Y/N).”

“No.” It's an utter absurd how hard you have to fight not to say the exact opposite. You want to just burst out the word, here and now, because you're so damn sure you want Billy for the rest of your life. “No, baby. We'll graduate, save up money and you'll make a decent proposal.” You hope he can't notice your hands shaking as you step out of the car, almost stumbling on the sidewalk. His words burn through your mind, sending shivers down your spine. “I won't say I'll marry you in the middle of the sidewalk, in the middle of the night, in front of Mike's house.”

“Did I just make you nervous?” Billy's arms come to encircle your waist, his deep voice, and breath on your hair making you sigh.

“Shut up, Hargrove.” With the sweet sound of his laughter on your ear, you knock on the front door, trying to push him away before someone comes to answer. “Let go.”

“Are you using my cologne again?” As soon as he asks, you feel his nose softly rubbing your neck, what makes you giggle and try to push him away again, uselessly. “You are.”

It wasn't your intention to let him find out, but he always does. “Well, it was–”

The door is suddenly open, a yellowish light hitting your eyes as you try to stand up straighter. The woman standing there gives a step back as if she just saw a ghost. Her eyes fly from Billy and back at you, then all the way back to Billy. It hits you suddenly as you realize she's Mrs. Wheeler, the woman Billy was going to meet on the day the Mind Flayer almost got him. They haven't met or spoken since that day, and you weren't expecting her to look so... Perplexed. You try to read her expression, to understand what the look in her eyes means.

“Hello, Mrs. Wheeler.” You manage to say because Billy clearly won't even try to be polite. You feel his muscles tensing up, as he gets immediately uncomfortable under the woman's stare since she doesn't seem to even try to hide. “Sorry to disturb you. We're here for Mike.”

×

@chloe-skywalker @dpaccione @dreamin-of-dacre @funeral-7 @uncookspaget @youhavemyfantasticbeasts @halloweenbitch2764 @redlovett @multific @shinydixon @nikkixostan @clockworkballerina @nope-thanks

[exoticarmyofcrowns]

sing for me | kth

pairing: taehyung x fem!reader

summary: you have been living with your roommate for well over a year and the unresolved sexual tension between the two of you finally comes to a head

genre: romance, smut (VERY 18+ not for the littles), roommates au

warnings: masturbation, vouyerism??, fingering, thigh riding, attempted dirty talk, breath play, slight power play???, excessive use of the word “baby” and other pet names, kinda awkward discussion of feelings thrown in bc my characters never shut up when i want them to get it on sorry

word count: ~6.6k

a/n: hello~ um... i have no explanation for this. i am like half ashamed and half proud of this??? idek man. all i know is that i couldn’t have done it without @sugaerie​ so thank you so much my queen i love uuuu

You step through the door of your apartment, feet practically screaming with relief as you kick off your shoes.

Work was really kicking your ass lately. Add that together with the stress of grad school and you had a deadly concoction not even your favorite tea and copious amount of ibuprofen could protect you from. Your job as a cashier was pretty easy, you can’t lie, but constantly standing and running around the store did a number on your poor feet. Thank god you had weekends off—a perk of having worked there so long you practically had the manager wrapped around your pinky when it came time for scheduling—so you could sleep in for once.

Tossing your keys on the counter, you spare a glance at the clock above the stove as you walk into your small kitchen. It’s about a quarter to midnight. You figure Taehyung is still out with his friends, hitting up one of the bars downtown.

You sigh heavily at the thought of your roommate. Not because anything wrong with him. Taehyung is nothing short of incredible. He’s sweet and kind, always greeting you with the most adorable boxy smile that makes you feel like the only person in the universe. People gravitate toward him just as easily as he draws them in, a natural warmth that instantly puts others at ease in his presence. He’s generous and thoughtful, never missing an opportunity to surprise you at work with a coffee or just to see you. Those shifts are your favorites and maybe you’re a little spoiled because you often find yourself glancing at the entrance more often than not, trying to see if you can spot his dark, curly head from your register.

Not to mention Taehyung is incredibly stunning. Long dark curls frame his face in the most intimidatingly beautiful way it’s often hard to look away from him. He’s got piercing dark eyes that can stare right into your soul but that also crinkle beautifully at the corners when he smiles. His fashion sense is killer, obscure brands and fabrics lining his closet almost like a museum. You’re not sure how but he can wear just about anything and still manage to look like he just stepped off a runway.

He works as a freelance photographer and has quite the sizeable following on social media. He’s passionate about his work and it shows in the quality of his photos. You know next to nothing about photography but even you can see that the beauty and skill with which he wields his camera is nothing short of magical. Commissions are not hard to come by for him, though you’re more than positive it has just as much to do with Taehyung himself as it does his beautiful portfolio.

No, there is absolutely nothing wrong with Taehyung.

Only that he’s perfect and you have a massive crush on him.

Exhaling tiredly, you run a heavy hand down your face. Anyone else would be ecstatic about having such a wonderful, attractive roommate but you know things like this can only end in disaster. More than anything, Taehyung is your friend—your best friend, you would argue—and involving feelings into your relationship can only end poorly. The whole roommates thing just adds another layer of complication that is better left alone. You don’t shit where you eat, after all.

But it’s difficult. Taehyung is just so nice and likeable it’s unreal. You often find your thoughts wandering to dangerous places when you both are curled up on the couch together during movie nights, blankets and pillows and snacks scattered all over the living room, while he curls his body around you without a second thought. He’s naturally tactile, you try to remind yourself in an effort to calm your racing pulse but then he’ll laugh at something happening in the movie, his cheeks plumping up adorably, and you know you’re a lost cause as you feel your heart melt all over again.

It’s getting increasingly difficult to ignore your feelings for your roommate and you know something has to give eventually. In the last couple of weeks, there seemed to have been a shift in the air whenever you were around each other. Taehyung was still your adorable and playful friend but the hugs seemed longer, the touches more tender and lingering. You even think you’ve caught him staring at you a few times, a strange new darkness simmering beneath the chocolate irises.

Flushing with embarrassment and shame, you bury your face into your hands. Of course not. You’re just being ridiculously optimistic. You pull out a clean glass from the cupboard and fill it with water from the sink, hoping to dampen the butterflies fluttering in your stomach.

Cleaning up, you decide to pamper yourself with a long hot shower complete with a nice sugar scrub and an in-shower face mask. You even spring for a shave, already excited for the feel of your sheets against the smooth, moisturized expanse of your legs. It’s the little things.

You hum lightly under your breath, already feeling the residual tension from the week bleed out as you gently massage your favorite lotion into your skin. Finishing up, you feel much more relaxed and so wonderfully clean you can’t help the smile that graces your lips as you move to head back to your room.

“___.”

It’s faint, so faint you think you imagine it but it still makes you freeze as you step out of the bathroom. Glancing down the short hallway that leads to your room, you blink for several seconds and wait to see if you hear it again. When nothing happens, you feel your heart resume its normal pace before rolling your eyes at yourself and continuing on to your room.

“___.”

This time it’s unmistakable and you can’t help the way the sound of your name makes you jump in fear. Now you’re in full-on panic mode and you anxiously scan the apartment. Your eyes catch on the faint light emanating from Taehyung’s room and you relax slightly. How had you not realized he was home already?

Your relief quickly morphs into confusion. Why would Taehyung be calling for you? Did he need something? Was he hurt? Stifling your self-induced panic, you quietly make your way over to his door. Despite having been in his room multiple times before, something feels off now. Almost like you shouldn’t be there. You can’t quite put your finger on it but something about the whole situation has you on edge…

You shake it off. It’s fine. You’ll just casually peep through the slightly ajar door and make sure everything is okay before marching off to bed to enjoy your evening in. Simple as that, right?

Wrong.

Whatever you thought you were going to see past the small opening of his door doesn’t hold a candle to the image that will undoubtedly be burned into your memory forever.

There, laying casually on his bed, is Taehyung. That in and of itself is not out of the ordinary. Except for the fact that he is naked save for the boxers he normally wears to bed, with a hand pulling desperately at his painfully red length.

It’s suddenly hard to breathe, air catching so violently in your throat you nearly choke audibly. Slapping a hand over your mouth and nose, you will yourself to calm down enough to take in the scene before you. Taehyung’s long legs are splayed almost elegantly across his sheets, deliciously thick thigh muscles clenching and unclenching from his ministrations. His hand glides skillfully over his cock, alternating between slow, languid tugs and fast, unyielding strokes. He throws his head back before tucking his chin in briefly, tongue flicking out to wet his lips before he sucks his bottom lip into his mouth. A hiss of pleasure melts into a throaty groan and heat pools rapidly in the pit of your stomach.

A voice in the back of your mind screams for you to get away while you can. You shouldn’t be here. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve lusted after your roommate, how long you’ve wanted to push him against any flat surface and have your way with him or let him have his way with you. It doesn’t matter that you want to do couple-y things with him too, like hold his hand and kiss those soft, pink lips because you are roommates—friends—and a fling like that could only end in disaster, especially when he doesn’t feel the same way. It doesn’t matter and you have to leave now before—

“___,” Taehyung groans once again, hands caressing up his lean stomach and you’re distracted by the way his muscles ripple with the attention. “Are you just going to stand there or are you gonna come help me?”

Something between a squeak and a cough leaves your throat in that instant and you wish the floor would open up and swallow you whole. You can’t bring yourself to move for a good second but Taehyung lets out another low moan and your feet move of their own accord into the bedroom.

If you thought he was beautiful before, he is absolutely glowing in the soft light of his bedside lamp. A light sheen of sweat coats his skin and you are overwhelmed with the urge to lick a stray bead that travels down his neck. Your breath is coming out in short pants and you try to subtly squeeze your thighs together to ease the ache. This does not go unnoticed.

“Hello, darling.” The words leave his lips in a low purr and a shiver zips down your spine. He’s smirking at you, hands still gripping his length but his pace has slowed significantly as if giving you a show. He seems perfectly comfortable despite the lack clothing, completely unfazed by your blatant staring. Like he wants you to look at him and only him. The thought has your face burning.

“T-Tae, what are you doing?”

“Isn’t is obvious, sweetheart? Surely I don’t need to spell it out for you, hm?” A particularly wet pass over his dick has him sucking in a gasp and you find you can’t look away. Your tongue darts out to wet your lips and Taehyung fixates on the motion, pupils blown wide and darkening further.

“Although you haven’t picked up on my blatant flirting so maybe I should.”

That snaps you out of your reverie. “Flirting?” You hate the way your voice sounds so weak and vulnerable but it can’t be helped.

“I haven’t exactly been subtle, ___. I’ve been—fuck—I’ve been trying to drop hints for the last few weeks now, hell, the last few months but you never n-notice.” He tugs at his bottom lip with his teeth again before releasing a heavy sigh.

Your head is spinning. This Taehyung is so different from the one you’re used to—yes, he’s still the same incorrigible flirt, but where he is usually giggly and playful he is now sensual and downright sinful. You think back over the past few weeks, the lingering touches, the casual hugs. Taehyung has always been touchy but they had felt charged with something else entirely. It’s good to know you hadn’t been making that up.

“I…” You truly don’t know what to say for yourself. “I didn’t know,” you murmur, feeling very very small all of a sudden.

Taehyung immediately stills at your tone and misinterprets it as discomfort.  “Oh. Oh god, ___, I’m so sorry.” Wrenching his hand away from himself, he scrambles on the bed, looking up at you with earnest, remorseful eyes. The waistband of his boxers snap shut in his frenzy and you almost mourn the loss of the desire-tinted skin. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I just thought that maybe you…maybe you felt the same?”

You’re so taken aback by the complete 180 he’s made that your response gets caught in the whirlwind of your thoughts, This is more like the Taehyung you know, kind and considerate, and you almost forget the situation you’re in. Almost.

“N-No!” you stammer, eager to assuage his uncertainty. “I mean, yes, I-I…” You close your eyes tightly. “I do…feel the same.”

The way Taehyung looks at you after your stunted confession has your heart auditioning for a marathon and goosebumps prickling across your skin. You may as well have just hung all the stars in the sky with the amount of adoration swimming in his warm irises.

“I’m glad,” he grins brightly at you and you can’t help but smile back. You bite your lip out of habit and the smile fades from his face as he watches you.

Swallowing thickly, he rasps, “___, c-can I kiss you? Please.”

The desperation in his voice is not something you expect and a jolt of electricity zings down your spine. Dazed, you nod. That’s all Taehyung needs before he practically launches himself to his feet to grab you by the waist and pull you to him. His hand—the other hand that was not touching himself—cradles your face as he bends down to brush your noses together. A moment passes, Taehyung staring into your eyes to give you room to pull away. When you don’t, he smiles briefly to himself before surging forward to connect your lips.

The kiss is soft and warm, exchanging only the slightest bit of pressure as if you both are worried that you’ll frighten the other. Which is ridiculous, you think, since you have yet to run away. You bounce up on your toes to alleviate the reach for Taehyung and kiss him harder. He hums appreciatively as he nips at you, the sound tingling from your lips and down the length of your body. You shiver in his hold and move to wrap your arms around his neck to pull him impossibly closer. The distance disappears between you two and you feel his arousal poking at your stomach. You break the kiss to look down between you, bottom lip trapped between your teeth.

Glancing up at Taehyung from beneath your eyelashes, you marvel at how positively wrecked he looks. He’s still damp with sweat but his mouth is slightly swollen from your kisses and his eyes are so blown out they’re practically black with desire. You feel yourself clench hopelessly as the blood rushes loudly in your ears.

“Can I—Can I watch you?”

You’re just as surprised as Taehyung is to hear those words leave your mouth but you’re not quite thinking straight, not when he looks like that and you finally have him in a way you never thought you would. It’s overwhelming, to say the least, and you want to savor every moment together.

Taehyung doesn’t seem to be faring much better, the request making his breathing turn heavy as he leans down to rest his forehead against yours. “Are you sure, ___? Are you absolutely sure? Because once we start, I don’t think I can stop.”

Peeking up at him coyly, you respond, “Who says I’ll want you to?”

A beat. Then, Taehyung squeezes his eyes shut and practically growls at your words. His arm tightens around your waist and crushes your body to him as if trying to mold you together. You love it.

“Then sit back and enjoy the show.” His lips quirk into a lascivious smirk before crashing your mouths together once again. This kiss is different than the previous one, not one bit of hesitation lingering now. Taehyung’s tongue licks along the seam of your mouth insistently and your legs turn to jelly as you open up for him.

The kiss is over too soon but before you can mourn the loss of his lips, he pushes you down onto the bed and resumes his spot against the pillows. Tugging on his boxers, Taehyung pulls them down to discard them somewhere behind you. Heat pulses through you at the sight of his exposed flesh and your thighs rub together once again.

Taking himself in hand, Taehyung spreads his legs and begins a torturously slow pace. “You have no idea how long I’ve dreamt of this.” All the air in your lungs leaves you at the confession. You can’t even think clearly, much less think up a semi-coherent response, but he doesn’t seem deterred by your silence.

“I’ve always—shit—I’ve always wanted t-to kiss that pretty little mouth of yours, ravage it until you can’t think. Your mouth, your neck, anything I could get my lips on.” Your eyes eagerly take in the sight of the milky substance beading at the tip of his cock and making his passes even messier.

“Ah, fuck, I-I wondered what kind of sounds you would make. If you would gasp and sigh or if I could make you scream.” He twists his wrist as he glides over the head of his length and he gasps out loud, his breathing rough and ragged and oh so lovely.

“I’ve thought about what it would take you to make you beg for it.”

A whimper escapes your lips before you can stop it and heat blooms across your cheeks. Taehyung stills for a moment before resuming with a smirk.

“Oh? Does my baby like the sound of that? Of me making you beg for my cock?” You nod, stunned and aroused beyond belief. It’s as if your brain has short-circuited and all you can think about is the fantasy that Taehyung so beautifully illustrates for you.

“Dirty girl,” he chuckles, tonguing the corner of his lips. “I should have guessed at what a desperate little thing you’d be. Asking me to stroke my dick while you watch.” He tuts playfully, eyes never leaving yours.

Breathing has become steadily more difficult and you’re acutely aware of the dampness between your legs. You want nothing more than to relieve the ache but you’re so transfixed on the beautiful man laid out in front of you that you can do nothing more than squeeze your thighs together.

“Look at you,” Taehyung’s eyes rake down your form, taking in your lust-darkened gaze and heaving chest before lingering on the apex of your tensed thighs. “I bet you’re dripping, aren’t you? So eager to take my cock that I could just slip right in if I wanted to, hm?” Again you nod, fingers twitching as you grip the sheets beneath you. He laughs lowly and the sound washes over you and settles deep in your stomach.

“God, I bet you’d taste so sweet on my tongue. I would spend hours just buried between your legs if you’d let me. Every time you prance around the apartment in those scraps you call shorts, I just want to bend you over the couch and fuck you until you can’t walk. Would you like that, baby girl? Want me to sink my cock into that sweet cunt of yours? Make it mine, over and over again?”

You’re practically panting now, desperate sounds ripping themselves from your throat as Taehyung stares at you intensely, hand never faltering on his swollen erection. He seems to take pity on you because in the next moment, he murmurs a deep, “Come here, baby.”

Snapping into action, you nearly stumble over yourself in your haste to be close to him. He smiles, fondness flickering in his eyes beneath the lust at your eagerness. You crawl forward until you are settled on your knees between his legs. A feeling of shyness settles over you—absurd, given the circumstances—and you find yourself unable to meet his gaze. A hand winds around your waist and pulls you to him, forcing you to straddle one of his thighs. You feel a finger slip under your chin to coax you into looking at him. When you do, Taehyung offers a sweet smile.

“You still with me, sweetheart?” You go to nod but Taehyung clicks his tongue. “I need to hear you say it, ___.”

“Yes.” You’re proud that your voice doesn’t shake. “I want you, Tae.”

The finger on your chin turns into a forceful grip as he crashes your mouths together once again. It’s messy and desperate and you can’t help the loud moan that Taehyung swallows gleefully. You welcome his tongue into your mouth and when you give it a pointed suck, he lets out an answering groan low in his throat.

“You’re going to be the death of me,” he pants against your cheek, planting wet kisses down your jaw and to the length of your neck. His lips meet the collar of your shirt but before he can even ask, you’re wrenching it off your body and onto the ground.

Taehyung seems at a loss for the first time since you’d walked into his room and you revel in the swell of pride that overtakes you. He can’t help but ogle greedily at the newly-exposed skin and you feel powerful knowing that you have his undivided attention.

Shaking himself out of his daze, Taehyung places a gentle kiss right above your heart before slowly making his way lower. The gesture is not lost on you and you find yourself melting further into his touch as your hand wraps around to tangle in the hairs at the nape of his neck. You can feel two hands ghost up your sides to tease the undersides of your breasts and you inhale sharply, chest pushing up into his mouth. Taehyung breathes a laugh onto your skin before cupping the soft flesh and placing almost reverent kisses upon their stiff peaks.

“Tae, please,” you whimper, eyes squeezing shut at the onslaught of sensations he is inflicting on you.

“Hmm, I like hearing you beg for me.” His tongue flicks against your pebbled nipple and you cry out, unable to hold back anymore. “My desperate baby girl.”

“T-Tae, ah, please don’t tease.”

“Don’t tease?” He punctuates the question with a sharp squeeze. “But you’ve been teasing me for well over a year, no? Walking around the apartment practically naked, with nothing but a t-shirt or these poor excuse for shorts.” Taehyung’s hands leave a lingering pinch before gliding down the length of your torso to the hem of your sleep shorts. Hooking a finger inside, he snaps the elastic back in place and you gasp. “No panties?” He asks in wonder, eyes fixed on your lower half.

Swallowing, you murmur, “I-I don’t usually wear them to bed.”

He lets out a throaty groan. “Fuck, you really—” He cuts himself off with another sharp exhale, head tipping backward as he squeezes his eyes shut as if in pain. Something nudges the side of your thigh and you look down at forgotten length between you, swollen and nearly purple. As if in a daze, you reach for the turgid flesh and let the tips of your fingers graze the head tentatively. Taehyung’s eyes snap open to look at you in shock and you freeze.

“Do that again. Please.”

You can hardly deny him when he looks so fucked out beneath you and your hand begins a tentative pace, stroking his dick like you had witnessed him do earlier.

“That’s it, atta girl,” he groans into your shoulder, kissing the skin almost absentmindedly. “Such a good girl for me.”

Your stomach plummets at his words, inner muscles clenching almost painfully. You’re so turned on your shorts are most likely unsalvageable but seeing Taehyung so wrecked and because of you makes it all worthwhile.

Keeping up the pace on his cock, you don’t even notice your hips begin to lower onto his thigh and rock down against him until he sits up from where he’d begun to slouch in pleasure, leg knocking up into your dripping heat.

“Fuck, baby. Look at you, grinding on my thigh like that.” His words send your heart stuttering in your chest. “Your poor little cunt has been neglected, hm? You’ve been such a good girl for me, stroking my cock and getting me ready. I think you deserve a reward.”

Taehyung grips your hips with bruising force and helps you grind harder onto his leg. The drag of your shorts against your swollen clit is a little too harsh but the sheer dampness of the fabric makes the glide much easier.

“I can feel you dripping onto my leg. You’re soaked, baby.” You’re delirious at this point, incoherent noises spilling from your lips as you work yourself over Taehyung’s thigh. It’s not long before you feel the pleasure mounting within you, hips pistoning back and forth even faster.

“That’s it, baby girl. Use me. Make yourself cum on my thigh. Get yourself nice and ready for my cock.” His hands run soothingly across your skin, sending your nerves on fire. You whine as you feel your orgasm approach with each pass of your hips.

“Come on, babe. Give it to me. Let me feel you cum all over me.”

With a strangled cry, you buck against Taehyung uncontrollably as you finally release all over his leg. You curl into him, hands tangling into his hair and tugging in order to keep yourself grounded. Your hips gradually slow as you ride out your high and you find it a struggle to catch your breath. The two of you stay like that for a few moments, letting the aftershocks wash over you.

“Oh, ___,” Taehyung murmurs in wonder. Almost sheepishly, you peek up at him from beneath your eyelashes to see him staring at you with such unadulterated reverence and want that your heart skips a beat. “You did so well, baby girl,” he rasps, lips ghosting over your face tenderly.

Face warm, you try to redirect the attention to him and begin placing gentle kisses along the length of his neck. Taehyung tilts his head back, eyelids fluttering prettily at your ministrations. Smirking to yourself, you trail your hand teasingly down the length of his chest to make your way down to his dick but he stops you with a firm hand around your wrist. Before you can even open your mouth to question him, he’s already flipped you over onto your back.

“Hmm, still so eager for my cock.” He nips playfully at your bottom lip, laughing when you move to chase him. “Don’t worry, sweetheart, we’re getting there. I have to get you ready first.”

Two of his fingers brush the swell of your mouth and you open immediately to take them in. Taehyung inhales sharply as you give them a pointed suck, eyes narrowing slightly to let you know that you will certainly pay for that later. The thought sends a shot of arousal to your core.

Taehyung removes his fingers and wastes no time in bringing them to the apex of your thighs. He makes quick work of your soiled shorts and suddenly, he’s all you can feel. A single digit swipes the length of your slit to circle around your clit, eliciting a hiss from the both of you.

“Oh, baby, you’re so wet,” Tae groans, in a trance. “All for me.”

He wasn’t really speaking to you but you nod anyway. “Yes, Tae. All for you.”

Eyes snapping to yours, he sinks one finger into your weeping heat and watches your face for any signs of discomfort. You tense slightly before relaxing and sending him a reassuring smile as a signal that he can continue. He pumps his finger in and out, letting you get used to the sensation before gently slipping in another. Scissoring the digits, Taehyung furrows his brows and bites his lip as he forces himself to be patient.

You, on the other hand, are having a much harder time controlling yourself. Soft whimpers escape you with every pump of Taehyung’s fingers. One particularly potent curl has you gasping for air as an animalistic growl tears itself from your throat, hips bucking harshly upwards.

“Gah, Tae—please,” you pant, hands flailing wildly for something to hold onto before settling on his hair.

“Anything, darling.” Taehyung inserts yet another finger and you begin to really feel the stretch, so much that it nearly becomes uncomfortable. A small noise of discomfort makes the man above you pause but he mouths at your temple reassuringly. “I know, baby, I know. But I have to make sure you’re ready for me.”

Right then, he curls his fingers just as he did before and you’re seeing stars again. He places adoring kisses along your jaw before dipping for another taste of your mouth. You eagerly accept him, opening fully to him as your hips roll along with the rhythm of his fingers.

Breaking away, you pant, “I’m ready, Tae.”

“Are you sure?” Looking deeply into your eyes, he must find what he’s looking for because he nods lightly and kisses you breathless. He reaches over to his nightstand and rummages in his drawer. The crinkle of a wrapper hits your ears, making your face warm slightly as the reality of the situation hits you full force. You were really doing this. The fact that the man that you’ve pined after for so long is here with you—actually likes you—is so surreal you’re not quite sure how to process it but you’ll be damned if you didn’t enjoy every second of it.

Once he has rolled the condom on, Taehyung moves upward to cup your face between his hands. “Before we begin, are you absolutely s—”

“Tae, I swear to god if you do not get inside me in the next three seconds I will flip us over and do it myself.”

Taehyung blinks before chuckling. “There will be plenty of time for that, sweetheart. But for right now…” His smile turns sinister, prompting anticipation to swirl deliciously in your stomach. “I’m calling the shots.”

He takes himself in hand and rubs the tip up and down the length of your folds. Your eyes flutter when Taehyung collects your pooling arousal, making a complete mess of you.

When he pushes in, your mouth drops open in a silent gasp. He’s big—of course he is—bigger now that he’s entering you and you can’t deny that the stretch is more than welcome. You glance up at Taehyung’s face and are pleased to see that he looks just as wrecked as you feel. He locks eyes with you, dark irises burning with lust but also something deeper. Something…soft and warm. The thought sends your heart pounding in your chest.

As he bottoms out, Taehyung makes sure to probe your face for any signs of discomfort. He doesn’t find any and tentatively thrusts into you, eyes never leaving yours as he does. You gasp, nerves tingling as a whine tears itself from your throat, soft and breathy.

“That’s it, angel,” Taehyung pants in your ear. “Sing for me. Let me know just how good I make you feel.”

You clench helplessly, reveling in the low grunt it earns from the man above you. He begins to pick up the pace, hips snapping fiercely against yours so that the only sound is the harsh slap of skin against skin mingling with your eager breaths.

“Such a tight little cunt, even after you’ve already cum once.” His voice is even raspier with the force of his thrusts and you practically keen at the sound. “I wonder how many times I can make you lose it.”

You sob, hips rising desperately to meet his. “P-Please,” you cry, unsure what it is you’re asking for but it doesn’t matter because he props himself up to get a better angle, looking down at your writhing form.

“Such a desperate little baby.” He punctuates the pet name with a particularly harsh snap of his hips and your eyes roll into the back of your head. You can already feel your second orgasm rising within you, all you need is a little push.

“You know,” Taehyung begins, concentrating his thrusts to a slow roll, “I’ve always been curious about one thing.”

Before you can ask what it is, you see his hand snake between you, gliding across your stomach, between the valley of your breasts, to settle at the base of your throat. Your eyes widen of their own accord, breath stuttering as you realize the intention. Taehyung’s eyes hold a silent question and you nod, albeit a bit desperately, prompting him to wrap his long fingers steadily around the lowest part of your neck.

“Fucking filthy,” he whispers in awe, gaze alternating between your face and the sight of his hand wrapped around your pretty neck. He thinks he could watch this forever. Squeezing experimentally, Taehyung watches with utter delight at how quickly you fall apart under his grip. Your hands scramble to claw at his arm, not to pull it away but to keep him locked in place.

“Poor baby just wants to be choked and fucked senseless, is that it?” You nod jerkily, pleasure fogging your mind and making you delirious. You couldn’t talk even if you tried but the way your hips buck up into his needily tell him all he needs to know.

“So honest,” he chuckles, increasing the pressure slightly. “Good girls get what they want.” Taehyung pulls his hips back, so far that only the tip remains inside you, before snapping back in full-force. The pace he sets is brutal and you can feel his hip brushing relentlessly against your clit.

“T-Tae,” you gasp, stomach tightening as a particularly well-timed thrust has you seeing stars. “C-Close.”

“Is baby girl gonna cum?” You nod frantically, eyes focusing and unfocusing on his face. “Come on, baby. Give me one more. I know you can do it. My desperate. Little. Slut.”

Taehyung tightens his grip even further and that’s the end for you. A scream lodges itself in your throat as the coil in your lower stomach snaps, sending you spiraling into the most powerful orgasm you’ve had in a while. Taehyung releases his hand from your neck abruptly, the rush of air prolonging your pleasure to the point you think you might pass out.

Above you, you hear Taehyung groan gutterly at the vice-like grip your walls have trapped him in. “Fuck, princess, I can feel you squeezing. You’re gonna make me cum.”

Still breathless, you fight against the fog clouding your brain. “Please, Tae. Cum inside me, please. I-I want it so bad.”

“Such a filthy little thing,” he stutters, breaths sounding labored in your ears as he gets closer to his own climax. “Gonna f-fill you up so good. Make this cunt mine.”

“I’m yours,” you gasp, tightening your muscles one last time around him. That seems to be the end for him because before you know it, Taehyung is moaning into your shoulder.

“All. Fucking. Mine,” he growls as he snaps his hips, once, twice, before stilling inside you.

It seems to last hours but Taehyung eventually collapses onto his forearms, careful not to crush you under his weight. You both take a minute to catch your breath, enjoying the feeling of closeness that follows. Eventually, he pulls back, carefully slipping out of you to tie off the condom and toss it in the wastebasket. You wince but relax immediately after, snuggling further into the soft down of his comforter.

Taehyung smiles adoringly as he makes his way back to the bed, heart flipping at how cute you look in his bed. Almost as if you belong there. He hesitates as he gets to the edge, fearing for a moment whether or not it was alright to join you. Those fears are put to rest as you blink sleepily up at him, arms tiredly reaching for him. Relieved, he snuggles in next to you and gathers you in his arms. It’s silent for a moment as you both enjoy being wrapped up in each other.

“Since when?” you finally break the silence, tracing mindless patterns across his chest.

Taehyung inhales sharply. He knows exactly what you mean. Still, he feigns ignorance. “What?”

You close your eyes for a moment, burying your face further into his chest. “Since when have you liked me?”

“Since when have you liked me?” he shoots back and you pinch the skin on his ribs. He yelps before you both dissolve into a fit of giggles.

“I asked you first,” you whine, risking a glance up at his face. Taehyung is already staring down at you fondly, warm gaze melting into your own.

“Since the very first moment,” he whispers softly. You almost laugh, except his face is deadly serious. It’s suddenly hard to swallow around the lump in your throat. You stare at him in wonder—the delicate brush of his eyelashes against his cheek, the soft sweep of his sweat-dampened hair over his forehead, the gentle curve of his lips as he smiles at you. You clear your throat, glancing away as a pleasant warmth settles over your cheeks.

“That’s not an answer.”

He laughs breathily in your ear and you fight a shiver. “Okay, okay. Well the first time I realized it was the day you had come back from your shift after you had switched managers.”

You balk. “Are you serious?” You remember that day. Management had decided to move your favorite supervisor over to the men’s department while you remained stuck in shoes. The new guy was awful—condescending, incompetent, and downright unpleasant. You had come home that day with three different bottles of wine and all the take out you could afford and practically forced Taehyung to drink with you and listen to your misery. The guy was eventually fired but the whole experience had left you with a bitter taste in your mouth.

Tae chuckles as he thinks back to that night. “Yes, I’m serious. You were about halfway through the second bottle and were practically screaming curses at the guy. It took you all of 30 minutes after dinner to fall asleep right there on the couch, somehow still complaining about that dickwad.” You snort, hand shooting up to cover your face in embarrassment. “As you talked, I realized…I could listen to you forever. And then you fell asleep, cuddling so cutely into my shoulder, and I knew I was a goner. Even though you snore.”

Your eyes, which had started watering at his heartfelt confession, widen before you regain your composure enough to hit his chest. “I do not snore.”

Taehyung winces playfully, knowing full-well that you don’t but enjoying teasing you all the same. “So, yeah. I’ve liked you for a while. And I had an inkling you felt the same.”

“Oh, yeah? What gave it away? The fact that I practically hopped on your dick?” you tease.

“Well it certainly didn’t hurt.” He winks at you and you have to stifle the urge to giggle like a schoolgirl. “But it was little things. Like how you’d blush at a compliment or if I hugged you just a bit too long. I couldn’t be sure though. Not until tonight, I guess.”

“Well,” you shift upwards, his confession instilling a confidence in you that you hadn’t known you possessed, “in case I haven’t made it abundantly clear: I like you very, very much, Kim Taehyung.”

He’s silent for a single, nerve-wracking beat before the most brilliant smile lights up his face and for the second time that night, you find yourself breathless.

“And I like you very, very much, too, ___.”

Taehyung kisses you then, slow and sweet, and you’re left thinking that you never want to be anywhere else.

© exoticarmyofcrowns 2020

[crybabytoy59]

M&S shopping trip....

That morning was like any other for me a short trip to the local food store during this persistent lockdown full of rules & crap lonely times watching endless movies & eating 🤣....As I pushed the trolly thinking I had kind of become almost robotic in my shopping now knowing each shelf & item off by heart I wandered around aimlessly looking at the others masked up doing just as I was when something took my eye ...I figure I noticed in the opposite isle from behind I thought I recognised ? My heart started pounding at the thought, No couldn’t be...so I walked slightly faster with the trolly, as she went around an isle I try’d to catch up but she was gone in the crowd.

Chuckling to my self I resumed my shopping thinking I was being paranoid half way down this isle I felt a hand on my shoulder pull backwards....as I turned I stood speechless.....stunned by who stood before me ! Something Very unexpected happened....I started welling Up !!!

As if reading me she stepped behind me embracing my chest “Hey it Ok”....I truly fought so very Hard.....But she spoke again “Do you need it tighter cuteness” I nodded as the first tear rolled down my cheek...

She hugged me in a very tight embrace bringing back memories flooding through my mind of her love of making me Cry....

“it’s ok cuteness Let go I won’t let you fall....there we go Clever Baby”

I was lost now crying openly as she turned me around “Hey there There now what’s the matter ?”.....I couldn’t speak for the lump in my throat...

But she spoke for us both.....

“Cuteness are you still having those feelings?” I nodded to her....”But I thought you were over them ?.....

I took a Deep Breath ...Th’They came bb’back.....

She put her hand on my trolly “You won’t be needing this cuteness, push mine & Not a word Madam Look at Me ! ....Clever Baby..... Do What Your Told When Your Told ...Ok ?”...I nodded ....as I pushed her trolly she started putting items in that I knew what they were for! She leaned in to my ear after gathering all she needed as we approached the till she spoke “Am going to hurt you for your lies ...But not like before Baby....this time am going to hurt you really really Bad!”..

She smiled to the shop assistant then we left I put her shopping into her car & she opened the back of the car “In we go cuteness ...Are you in a disposable?” I nodded...she simply smiled as she put on my seatbelt “Wet & Mess it before I get you home...As Crybaby Sweetheart You know what happens if You upset Nanny !”

We drove off as I pushed hard knowing I only had a short time....

Nanny was looking in the rear view mirror at me....A wicked smile that gave me shivers as I knew what she was capable of...such Wicked cruelty one could only dream of this girl was A sadistic who knew how to make me terrified of her....As I looked back at her I gave a grunt loudly as She had trained me to Do all those years ago.....

“Clever girlie Crybaby that’s good....All of it you know your to be empty or else !”.....a 20 min trip then her car pulled into her driveway...”Are you excited to be back at Nanny’s house ? (  I nodded to her ) Clever girlie that pleases Nanny as she is Very pleased today has taken such a wonderful turn for you Baby !...Now let’s get you in so Nanny can prepare baby for her evening Punishment session...Yes Baby Girlie Nanny is going to punish You severely for your naughty LIES !!!!!!.....as she knew you still had submissive little feelings.....O’& Crybaby Not a fucking Word ....Only Your Goo’Goos & Ga’ga’s  Or Else Madam !!!”....

She pushed me down her hall way ..then spoke into the special cupboard...yes baby it’s still set up....Nanny will be with you shortly as she has things to prepare Darling”...

As I opened the cupboard a familiar sight greeted me ! My heart now pounding as I crawled into the small cupboard, it was around 4” in height & three foot wide by a foot deep....the back wall had an old wide studded Dog collar screwed to the wall at my neck height, then at my waist height a similarly old padded weight belt was screwed fast to the wall, a leather sleeve hung to the side, just under the weight belt were two more Dog collars attached to climbing arrest pulleys bolted to the wall a meter apart, the loose rope dangling down from each had a loop for pulling....

Holding my right foot as I knelt against the wall I fitted the cuff, then turned to my left cuffing that ankle also I took hold of the two hanging loops ! Taking a Deep Breath I pulled hard in one motion knowing there would be No turning back now. As my legs pulled both out wards & forward into an unnatural bent position at the side of each hip...next came the belt around my waist tightly I was breathing much faster now due to the restraints & the fact I was incredibly excited over doing this again !

Putting the collar on I was now ready for the one last thing pulling my arms up unnaturally I got them into the leather sleeve to the side of me pausing to catch my breath I then pushed Down hard into the sleeve ! Hearing the Zippering behind me ! As my arms were forced into the centre behind my back by the heavy spring that held the sleeve & the zipper !

I was done now....But knowing it was myself that had put these items in place for Nanny, gave me strange pleasure to know she had after All this time Not removed them !...

My thoughts were short lived as Nanny spoke ..

“Clever girlie Crybaby that’s very well done But Nanny just fix you Properly” she pulled hard on the pulleys as I gasped as she pulled on the ropes, she kicked my legs each one in turn so I was spread further apart.

Then Nanny pushed at my inner thigh into the muscle? She picked something up sliding it under each knee, I felt her buckle a leather strap around my lower shin & thigh tightly! Then I heard a clicking sound ? Suddenly I realised what she was doing Nanny had fitted a mechanical spreader bar between my legs & was now spreading them wider ! I squealed loudly as a cramp hit...she then spoke to me “Relax sweetheart & it will pass cutie...she then wrenched the belt up two further notches having me Exhale to get them so tight ! The arm sleeve she put a belt from the collar that had five horizontal belts from around my arms pulling each one until my skin bulged from each I was now whimpering, but this was short lived as she barked at me “Open Wide Crybaby Sweetheart” As I did she fed cotton makeup pads into my cheeks pushed upwards & downwards between my cheeks and teeth !

Agin Nanny spoke to me “lift your younger cutie” she fed a pad each side of my tongue, then lifted a lime it had been cut top & bottom & now had a makeup pad top and bottom to cover each hole.

This she worked into my mouth, then once in she again “Keep your headie backwards looking at me Crybaby!”

She lifted the black rubber with the large stem from in ! ( This item I had made for her from a lorry inner tube, I had cut to fit me perfectly up under my lips & covering my gums, I had glued a foam oval to this that fitted into my fully opened mouth, then over this was glued a bicycle tube much thinner this caused a raised oval around 20mm out just beyond my lips.But the last part was an idea Nanny had when the gag would move sometimes..From a motorcycle tyre tube I had cut a lower jaw mask with a hole at the front for the valve, but due to the very little give in the inner tube this I had found was quite painful to have fitted & removed ! Nanny Was overjoyed the day we first tried it as after fitting it she kissed my cheek as a tear rolled down in Nanny had whispered into my ear there & then...”Crybaby Sweetheart I love what you have done so am going to reward you cute, with Spankings that baby will remember for days...she had not been kidding !) Next she put her knee at my neck holding my head...then spoke

“Here we go Crybaby Sweetheart have you missed your feeding gag ?..I didn’t get a chance to answer as she pulled the cruel rubber over my face it’s crushing force making its self known instantly ! Tugging it into place under my chin till it was just under my nose the rubber curved up the back of my head too a point at the back Then curved downwards too a similar point down my neck at the back !

Now smiling down at me she wound a 4” Wide vet wrap around my head at my mouth, then ran it over my lips & chin !  She stopped briefly to put small buds into my ears then a cotton pad over each ear she wound the Vetwarp over my head under my chin, then forehead, only my eyes & nose were now uncovered, pulling a roll of black electric tape she wound this over my mouth around my head then under my chin over head back up at an angle to the side of each nose crossing between my eyes, the wound around my forehead...I now had a black pvc tape hood !

She patted my New bound form & spoke...

“Much better Crybaby girlie....Ok let’s explain what’s going to happen cutenesses...Nanny is going to finish up with some preparation then she is going out for a while so that will give Baby time to reflect on her Naughty Lies !!!!

Then later Nanny is going to return with some very close friends she has just called to help with your punishment.....& Crybaby I assume you know what Nanny has put in your mouth ? (I gave a Ga’ga ..she giggled at this) Clever girlie so best keep still ...Try to rest cuteness as Trust Nanny You Are Going To Need It Fuck Toy !!!”...lifting the bag with the tube from it She screwed the tube to the valve from my mouth, the little clear rubber oval I could see was frozen..

Behind me I heard a Very familiar sound ! Nanny was peeing into a jug, this was poured into the bag, then Nanny chuckled at my whimpering...

She then simply closed the door enveloping me in darkness, knowing the warmth would soon melt the Ice Dam !!.....What had I done ?????

Suddenly my ears burst into life as I heard familiar Crying ! One of my old recordings ! Nanny loved to record me when I would “Break” then she would play this to me at nights as she slept ! As this made me Very emotional & ready to Cry at the smallest of things....Nanny loved Tears......Deep WKD tears of complete surrender to her will.........now alone I could smell my soiled nappy ..waste & urin filled the small cupboard I tested the bonds, perhaps I could get free as I was Now getting scared Remembering just how Wicked Nanny was......

As I panted in the bonds the bottom pad was getting wet, the lime juice now going to work my mouth started watering wetting All the makeup pads ! As they swelled up I had to swallow my saliva.

This part took great concentration to do so as not to choke! But Nanny had done this

many times until I could do this unsupervised, as I swallowed I could taste something else in the back ground not just the lime...? But was puzzled as my mouth was not yet filling from the piss bag ?

I burst out crying knowing what Nanny had done ..She had threatened me with this punishment but we had never actually carried it out !....Suddenly warmth spread into the wadding & I had to swallow slightly faster...I was now in NO doubt what Nanny had done to the lime !!!!!...I started crying as the recording stole my mind with subliminal messages of old.....

Three hours later I heard the front door then voices but the cupboard remained shut only occasionally could I hear sounds of laughter & banging noises.....a further hour & a half later the door opened....

“Well ladies this is Crybaby....she has been a Very Naughty girlie & Told Lies to Nanny so what do you think ladies shall we give her a Punishment she will remember for a Very long time ?....I heard a strange voice ...

“Crybaby Close those Naughty eyes tightly ! Now Pain Toy !!” Suddenly something was put over my eyes then pulled tightly holding my eyes still in some sort of cups !..

Then I felt the bindings being unfastened as another new voice spoke..

“Crybaby we are going to punish you So bad that You will beg us to be Obedient !!..Have you shit your nappy Crybaby !”....I was smacked very hard on the back of my thigh, even through my jeans it hurt ! As Nanny barked “ Answer Aunty Dee !!” ...I whimpered out a Ga’ga!! The voice spoke again....”Don’t fret Crybaby You won’t be shitting for a few days after we’re done Pain Toy !”

I heard them laughing...as Nanny put a collar & lead on me.....”Heal Pain Toy !....let’s get her prepared ladies !”...

I was tugged along on all fours !!....

[himitsu-luna]

It's time to wake up

♪~ Now playing – "Beautiful Goodbye", by Chen~♪

Pairing: Taeil x reader

Genre: Angst / College AU

Theme: Break up

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How long have you been together? Four years? "Yes, four years". This thought suddenly popped up in your head this afternoon, and refused to go away since then. It's already night time, and you're laying down on your cozy bed, looking at the white plain ceiling, that for some unknown reason is particularly interesting today. "Four years", you repeat for the 100th time, closing your eyes.

"Why does it feel so odd?"

You and Taeil met in both of your first year of college. He was friends with your friends, and as soon as you laid your eyes on each other, you felt some sort of connection. You've never believed in butterflies living in your stomach, but they proved their existence, and showed you that they knew how to make some noise.

Everyday at lunch time, you gathered together with your group of friends, and your eyes were always looking for a glimpse of that person who made your heart curious.

You started to see each other more, and in every single of your encounters, that eagerness to be physically and emotionally closer became bigger and bigger. At a certain undertemined point, you already loved each other, in the most pure meaning of the word.

Half a year later, when both of you were a little bit too drunk and a little bit too red during a hang out with your squad, your secret feelings surfaced in the form of a playful kiss, in a dark corner of your friend’s apartment.

You have been in a relationship since then, and since then you feel like you are in a too vivid happy dream.

But why you're feeling so lonely?

Now your attention is on a picture you keep on the desk beside your bed. It's a photo of Taeil and you, smiling together, on a trip you took to the beach at your first year anniversary.

“We were such a perfect couple”, you whisper to yourself.

You "were"? This made your heart ache. “We ARE!”, you correct yourself quickly, startled with the sentence that has just escaped through your lips.

He was now at Japan, as an exchange student. It has been three months you're having this long distance relationship. Three months of you feeling this strange hollow in your chest.

Just three months... Are you sure of this?

You are now contemplating a spider, weaving its web in a spot of your book shelf. "It's working so hard. It just want to trap its food, but I think I'll need to tear down this later", you think randomly.

Suddenly you hear your phone ringing. It’s him. Your heart skips a beat. He wants to have a video call? Well, thats unusual. He never has the time. But you are happy and you answer the call with a little flame of hope warming your chest.

You chat a bit, but you can see he is so far away, and his smiles don't seem natural. After a while, he drops on you that infamous cliche phrase you've always feared to death: "We need to talk". You now feel numb and can't breath properly, like you're immersed and sinking slowly in a sea of despair.

He is breaking up with you. He is saying he can't say "I love you" to you anymore. He is saying it's unfair to you. He is saying you should stop here while you still have this beautiful affection for each other. Stop before things become too ugly and you two regret having met. And tears, a lot of them, are falling down through his sharp cheeks.

But the curious thing is: you can't cry. He is crying in front of you, but your own tears seem to be trapped inside of your blank eyes staring at the cellphone screen.

And that's because you already saw this coming.

So this is the weird feeling that has been bothering you for so long. You knew it.You knew it all along.

You felt it when he was too busy to talk to you. When he started to spend a lot more time with his friends than with you, by his own choice. When his touches were not the same anymore. When his little pecks at your cheeks to wake you up became inexistent. When his words became vague and distant. When the little things you had in commom became too commom and were no longer special. When you acted more like friends than like lovers. When his “I love you” before sleeping sounded guilty and empty. When you felt his love for you vanishing day by day, until it was completely gone. But you just decided to ignore all of this. You didn't want to be dramatic. Maybe you  were overthinking.

You wish you were.

-"Oh!" - you finally say, soulless, after an agonizing moment of silence that felt like an eternity.

You ask why and he explains his reasons, but his words cant reach your brain. You feel like a fool, but you can't stand seeing him crying. You dont hate him. You will never be able to hate him. You know, and this is what hurts the most, that you still love him deeply and sincerely, like it was your first day together. And then you catch yourself unciousciously forcing a little smile, saying with all the strenght you could gather - "Its ok". Everything your stupid brain makes your trembling mouth say is “Thank you. Thank you for being with me until now. Thank you for loving me. I was truly happy, so thank you. I hope you find a better someone, that can make you feel like staying, and can give you twice of the happiness you gave me. Thank you.”

You just stared at each other, and for a split of second you coud see in his eyes his caring and loving old self. He still adored you after all, but just not in the same way, and not in the same meaning as before. Neither of you want to end the call. This is your last moment. Your last memory. You stay like this, until your internet connection dies, and you feel like dying with it. Your eyes are now wide open, and you desperately try to resume the call with your shaking hands. You try so many times. So many times you lost the count. All you can see at your phone screen now is all of your missed attempts, and that familiar face in his profile picture smiling at you.

When you finally gave up, the understanding and the meaning of everything that just happened hit you like a sharp blade into your already bleeding heart. You'll never see him again. You'll never touch him again. You could not even cry properly and tell him everything you wanted. You didn't even had the chance to hug and kiss him one last time. You lost your entire universe in a matter of minutes. Your whole story together is now going through your mind like a movie, and here you are, alone, shedding that tears that have been actually willing to be spilled for a long time now. Your heart hurts. And it hurts so so much.

The dream is over now. It's time to wake up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[anotherbeingsworld]

I’ll See You Again

Pairing: Sienna Trinh x Danny Cardinal

Summary: A depth look in Sienna’s and Danny’s relationship until the night before it all went down. 

Warning: Mentions of death. Besides that, its a fluffy and bittersweet tale. 

Disclaimer: I don’t own anything, except the storyline. All characters are owned by Pixelberry.

A/N: I am backkk, well.. not literally. I took a small chunk of my time to write this to celebrate our girl Sienna, and for the @siennatrinhappreciationblog​ ! This is my submission for Day 1 of Sienna Trinh Appreciation week and this is my first time writing for them, I hope I hit the mark! I have been quite mixed feelings in life right now, it is both a good and bad time-ish, it feels like a lot and, i am so sorry if I am lack on updates for bryce fics, I hope to write soon without hesitation and everything else that is going on! So, no one told me that life is gonna be this way.... sjssksk, i am surviving at its finest! I hope all of you are doing amazing, and thank you for everything! I apologize in advance if there is any grammatical errors! Enjoy!

Tags: @siennatrinhappreciationblog​ , @mvalentine​ , @drethanramslay​ , @storyofmychoices​ , @jaxsmutsuo​ , @fantasyoverreality98​ , @bratzlahela​ , @choicesficwriterscreations​ @aylamwrites​ , @baltersome​ , @kelseaaa​ , @thundergom, @ohramsey​ , @ohvamsey​ , @mrsbhandari​  , @starrystarrytrouble​ ( I don’t have a perma tag list and this isnt a Bryce fic, sooo... I am tagging a few peeps!)

LINK TO MASTERLIST

The small moments they spend as the sun sets at the house party, as they talked about life, tv-shows, good memories, cringey moments and life is one of the best moments for her. The moments followed, was a series of smiles caught in-between shifts, as their hands brushed on the nurses counter, or the introduction of 50s movies that made her smile, including a monologue of Danny reciting the lines of a damsel in distress that made her heart leapt in joy.

She had Wayne, but the feeling with him cant be compared as he made her feel unimportant, as if there is a barrier in between that keeps on stopping her from seeing the light. Danny Cardinal is a different one, a new presence that somehow she didn’t know she needed. Someone who sees her more than Wayne ever does, someone who appreciates her talents along with their quirky interests that made them compatible one way or another.

She never told her roommates, the day they went out to Donahue together, a moment of silence as Sienna finally had the courage to invite him for a drink, after her break-up with Wayne. She wasn’t ready to move on yet, but…she felt like she needed a friend. Someone to talk too, someone who she could relate in a way, and that’s where Danny Cardinal made his entrance.

‘I just break up with my long-time boyfriend..’ It suddenly slips out of her tongue, somehow she was wallowing it after their confrontation with Casey earlier.

He wasn’t ready. He didn’t expect that news would drop as they just finished work.

‘OH-, are you okay? Do you need anything, we could go back if you want!’ His voice filled with caution, as he tries to comfort her in the most awkward way he could think of at the moment.

Sienna smiles at his reaction, it was a mixture of cute and adorable which she is aware that it is similar. A laugh stifle out of her, as Danny smiles too. Mirroring her expression, he found himself being very careful as he slips his fingers into her, giving her a squeeze, equivalent to the saying, ‘everything is going to be alright.’

She felt happy, a different kind of happiness. That night was the start of it all, a small gesture that is worth more than a thousand words. It was called, something new. She recalls the small gesture, when she is down, or mad, or even sad, as a way to assure herself that she is going to be alright.

Until that unfortunate day, the fear in her started to show as seeing her best friend, and him there in the room somehow being sacrificed for an evil plan. She recalls their small talks the night before, as he was seen bringing her a cup of coffee after the long day they both had, their small talks is something normal in other people’s eyes, as it is an escape for them into the world.

‘A cup of brownie chocolate drink for one Sienna Trinh?’ His voice in a sing-song as he passed the cup to her.

‘…And, a cup of Hazelnut Latte for Danny Cardinal courtesy of Casey, and her access to Dr. Ramsey’s coffee machine.’ She whispered the last part of the sentence making him laugh as his voice boomed through the empty hospital hallways.

‘Free coffee too, count me in?’ Danny said happily taking a sip of his drink, as Sienna does the same.

‘How was your day?’ She asked, as they walked through the hallways; one of the reasons she manages to keep herself sane after all the insanity from her day as a second-year resident.

‘It was…’ He went silence, as he took another sip before continuing.

‘The Senator’s case. It was odd, and weird. I know I shouldn’t questioned anything, but he gave me some bad vibes, including his assistant Travis, they both kinda gave me a weird vibe. I felt like Travis was lurking his way down the halls, somehow searching for something… and it creeps me out.’ A shiver escaped him, as they arrived at the quiet cafeteria.

‘I heard about him, he is the one who came from Mass Kenmore right?’ Sienna asked, recalling the info Casey told her about her heist with Baz at MK.

He nod, taking another sip.

‘How was yours?’

She lets out a sigh, followed by a groan.

‘I am guessing, it was bad..?’ His voice slowly, as Sienna nods in return.

‘It wasn’t horrible, but…it felt tiring. I just feel like I have to do everything and Mitch isn’t helping one bit, and there is this kid, he is suffering with all these decisions and... ugh!’ She lets out a groan of frustration once more, earning an ‘I’m sorry’ look on Danny’s face.

She tried to plastered a smile on her face, an attempt to make herself look stronger. But, somehow she felt like she can’t fake it, a part of her wanted to fake a smile, and just brushed the topic off.

‘You know you don’t have to be strong in front of me Sienna, it’s okay to be sad once in a while…’ Danny stated with a slow tone, a comforting one.

‘Doctors were supposed to be strong, its our job to be strong for our patients…’

‘And yet, we are humans Sienna. We can cry, smile, laugh and get ourselves angry because we are human. Those feelings are valid, and it means you are you. There is honestly nothing wrong with that okay?’ Danny moved to the opposite side of the table, taking a seat beside her. In a split second, she founds herself leaning onto the comfort of his hugs. The universal language that will never gets old, kisses are great and all, but… hugs are even better. He place his arms around her shoulder, as the cold environment around them was a hazy memory.

‘You know you give good hugs don’t you Danny?’ Sienna said in between the hugs, as their drinks started to cool off.

‘Hey, its apart of who I am! Don’t tell Bryce, he once told me that he was the best hugger in Edenbrook.’ A laugh stifled out of her once more, her troubles were behind.

‘Don’t worry, besides Casey; you are definitely a close second.’ She winks at him, as they enjoyed their presumably final moments together.

It was almost dawn, as both of their pagers were paged at the same time. Both of them rushed, at the same time trying to keep in moment as they enjoyed their small company together without any interruptions from the real world.

A few minutes after, they arrived at their pin-point where they would have to say ‘goodbye’. In that moment, without hesitation; a gut feeling inside told her; hug him. It can somehow be your last time seeing his face.

He looks at her in disbelief at first, but who ever declines a hug? He hugs her back, the feeling of comfort that somehow the key of keeping both of them sane is one ways or another. A gesture that she would love to get used to, hugging Danny. Maybe more than the other. After a while, they pulled away. A small smile linger on her face, as she left the nursing station; a contained feeling in her heart. She turns her head back, meeting his eyes once more. He waves from afar, as she waves back as they resume their lives.

And, that morning was the last time she saw his face. The last time she would feel his touch, the final cup of coffee together, and… their final hug. As Danny was one of the victims of Travis’s plan on murdering the Senator.

The sadness from before suddenly felt in her once again, without the comfort of his hugs and words. She felt herself wanting to break down, as the news escaped the lips of Dr. Ramsey.

Sienna tried to stay strong, as she stood behind the glass. With a full of pain in her heart, meeting Casey’s emerald’s which is fill with sympathy. She mouthed, ‘I’m so sorry’. As the tears threatened to fall from her eyes, Jackie scoot towards her way and bring her into the group’s embrace.

‘Don’t you dare die. No coma’s either. Just…hold the line, hear me?’ Her voice booms through the glass, as tear started to fall.

As all of them were ushered away, working on the treatment. Sienna looked back, as she saw Bryce walking into the room with a hazmat suit on him, a small smile on her face; knowing Casey wont be alone for the time being. She glanced back once more, before moving forward with the rest of the team.

------------------------

The same smile appeared once more, after Casey was saved. She couldn’t lose another one of the people she cared about, and… she engulfed her with a bear hug, the lost and comfort from the day before started to catch up to her. The day she lost Danny, and the day her best friend is save. Two different events that change her life in a way.

Funerals were meant to celebrate the life that was lived, staring at the black theme-d attire in her room, she wasn’t ready to face it. She wasn’t ready to face the day, where she would see him for the final time. The final time, where she could picture the smile on his face, as the memories from the past days would play in her mind again and again; as a way to comfort her sorrows.

She glanced at her room, somehow looking at it for the first time. Her eyes gaze upon the lines of furniture, and it stops at the wall of pictures. Somehow, all of the good memories from her intern year was on that wall, reminding her the good times of it all. Her eyes stop at one, she remembered it all too well.

A photo, both herself and Danny were sleeping on the couch after the party, that her friends took. She was mad at first, but… she realizes that was one of the earliest memories of herself and Danny, and she was grateful for it.

She didn’t join in the others, as a way to cope herself with all of it. She took the long way down, a way to be with her own thoughts, as after a while; the cemetery was in view. The number of nurses, workers, families, and many more had came by to express their thoughts. A way of remembering the ones that has gone, she glances at the crowd as she stood beside Dr. Ramsey who is somehow standing in the back of it all.

It was silence between them, as she glance upon the familiarity of the voice. It was Casey’s as she takes the lead, a smile upon her face from the stories that she managed to recalled from both Danny’s and Bobby’s time at Edenbrook, they were heroes. They will never be forgotten, somehow; it was one of the things that made saying goodbye very hard.

--------------------------

Afterwards, she founds herself linger behind. The skies are dark, upon the lost of two souls. Taking a small Laelia Orchid in her hand, making her way to both of them. Her tears stained cheek are visible, through the darkness of the sky. She places the flower in both of their caskets, a final goodbye.

The walk back to the hospital was accompanied by memories, smiles, laughter and even the warmth of his comfort accompanying her way back. She smiled despite it all, knowing that Danny is always going to be there, a comfort for her; as she took a sip of his favorite drink or, the moment where she stumbled at one of the movies from their trip to the Common. A reminder that he is always going to be apart of her, helping her through this life. As a human being, a doctor, a friend… and maybe in another lifetime; something even bigger than before.

She knows that she will see him again, very very soon. 

THE END.

[punkcupcakestyles]

Love Song

Part 15

Catch Up!

Sofia Welsh-De La Rosa and Timothée Chalamet will star in new Amazon series and, honestly, I won’t talk about anything else ever again

Amazon Prime has just announced the release of its new original series set in 1970’s New York. According to Hollywood Reporter, the new series will be lead by Sofia Welsh - De La Rosa, Timothée Chalamet, and Logan Lerman, and will be produced by Jordan Peele (Get Out and Us) and directed by Christina Hodson (Birds of Prey). The ambitious project is in talks with some other big names in Hollywood, such as Meryl Streep and even Robert de Niro, to join the series.

Honestly, I’m gagging. 

This might come as a surprise as both Sofia, who has been enjoying lots of Oscar’s buzz for the third year in a row, and Timothèe are on the prime of their movie careers, as two of the most prominent young actors in Hollywood, but according to many sources, Sofia has been looking for a way to work with Peele for a long time, while Timothèe is excited to add some action to his resume, after his role in Hostiles and The King. Also, rumor has it, Amazon is willing to pay a hefty (and I mean hefty) amount of money to sign the young stars. 

As for Logan Lerman, this is his the actor’s first TV role since 2005 and is set to be his comeback after his career faded a bit to the background. With the star-studded cast, Amazon is hoping this to be the platform’s next big hit. 

There is no doubt that Sofia, Timothèe, and Logan are three of THE most talented young actors today, with Sofia being the reigning queen of the pack. Recently, the actress has played a pirate, a thief, a devious courtesan and a feminist writer trying to bring down love, and she’s been rumored to have just signed a deal with Disney to play her very own princess, as well as an undisclosed character in MCU’s highly anticipated Black Widow. She truly has the range, Darling!

Sofia was seen having coffee with Timothèe early in the week, before the show’s announcement, which sparked rumors that the actress had ended things with Harry Styles after he had dinner with his ex in London. She was also seen leaving the James Corden Late Late Night’s studio with Logan...

@BobbyC I’m sorry but all of them are gay...

@Peanutbuttah Eh, she can’t act anyway

@Loveisloud @peanutbuttah She can act, she has been in commercial and art-house movies and has received rave reviews every time. You just don’t like her because she’s dating your fave. 

@Arewethereyet she’s an sl*t. So glad Harry’s done with her…

@Soph Are you drunk Buzzfeed? One does not leave Harry Styles for anyone!

****

Harry was cooking. 

The air smelled like garlic and butter and I breathed in deeply, just realizing how fucking hungry I was, as I followed him to the kitchen. It just occurred to me that I hadn’t eaten anything that day, other than a cup of coffee that Harry had made me in the morning. It was a little strong for my taste, I liked mine with sugar, even when my mom kept telling me I was being violently disrespectful to coffee. I didn’t care, not one bit. 

I never really ate on interviews or auditions days, it made my tummy feel funny and I was usually afraid that my clothes wouldn’t fit like they were supposed to after, so, no food for me, thank you. Usually, D would force-feed me as soon as we were done, practically shoving fruits, nuts, and salads down my throat (sometimes even a burger!), but today I was way too anxious and excited to even pay attention to her efforts. I was going on a date with Harry, I couldn’t care less about anything else!!!

And now, I was fucking hungry and it smelled even better in the kitchen.

“I didn’t know you cooked,” I smiled, looking at the pasta that was boiling on the stove and the bubbling alfredo sauce. Grilled prawns and a green salad were carefully plated in rustic blue and gold plates.

My eyes traveled to him, and I saw him hesitate for a second before he gifted me with a shy smile. He was so lovely, it was no surprise that my head became fuzzy every time I was around him. Even the most superficial thought struggled to grab a hold to my brain. I wondered if anyone could keep their wits around him, but somehow, I doubted it.

“It takes my mind off of things,” he finally said. “And I kinda wanted to impress you, I guess.” 

The admission made my heart soar in my chest and I beamed at him as he stood in front of me. I admired his beauty for a second, his skin was slightly tanned and it looked almost delicious against the white fabric of his shirt, and his smile was warm, making me feel giddy as he trapped me against the counter with his arms on each side of my body. 

I wanted to kiss him, so so badly, but instead, I let my fingers brush over his neck until they reached the tips of his hair. It tickled and he laughed softly with the most wonderful smile.

“Really?” I asked him softly, cause I didn’t want to break the intimate moment we were sharing. 

“Yeah. A bit silly, innit?”

“No, it’s not silly. But, if you wanted to impress me, then you should’ve made a chocolate lava cake,” I teased. “You would’ve gotten me, then.”

“Chocolate, uh?” The right corner of his lip shot upwards, and an adoring feeling hit me right in the chest like a tidal wave. 

“Yeap.”

“I’ll keep it in mind for next time,” Harry muttered, his words getting lost in the air as he leaned down to kiss me.

I realized that it was all I wanted: To kiss him slowly, maybe even for hours. But I knew I had to stop him. I was under his spell and there was nothing I could do about it, nothing I wanted to do, anyway. But even I could admit that this was just a dream, one that I wanted to remember every second of. So when he was gone, I would still have those memories. 

So before his lips could brush mine, before he could melt my brain with his kisses, I pressed my forehead to his and dropped my hands to his chest, right where his heart was beating rapidly. 

“Sorry,” I said shyly, casting my eyes down so I wouldn’t have to look at him, not a few more seconds, not until I had gathered the will to stand strong by my decision. 

“Is there something wrong?” His voice was full of sincere concern, a little bit rougher as well, which made his accent more noticeable. 

“No,” I shook my head, finally looking into his green eyes. “Everything’s perfect.”

“You just don’t want me to kiss you?”

“It’s just...I want to remember every bit of tonight,” I said, as I tried to ease the utter embarrassment that was crawling over my chest. Who said stuff like that? Writers in cheesy movies or bad teen shows. Fuck. 

“Except for my kisses?” He insisted, almost like a little boy fishing for reassurance. I brought my fingers to his cheek and grazed them it until he smiled at me. 

The answer was “fuck, no”. His kisses were a memory I wanted to carry with me forever. But I also wanted to have that night, so I could carry it with me, and compare it to every other date, every other person that would come my way. 

“I want to remember the little details,” I said, shrugging my shoulders. “The dinner you made, which is really close to burning, the grandpa pants…”

“Hey! These look cool! And the sauce, I have it under control!”

“If you say so,” I sneered mischievously, twisting my lips into a mocking smile as he pretended to be offended. “And I want to remember everything you did to make me feel special”

Harry’s arms looped around my waist as he pulled me to his chest and I hugged him back and looked at him, battling the need to just lean in and kiss him. His lips were so pink. 

We both sucked at the whole “no kissing allowed” thing, and somehow that made me feel a lot better. For once, I wasn’t the needy, dreamy one. 

“What do you think?” I asked in a whisper, smiling against the brush of his lips as he bumped our noses together.

“I want to kiss you, Sof, all fucking night long,” he pouted. “Been thinking ‘bout it all day.”

“I’ll make it up to you. Just...lemme have this, yeah?”

“Why?”

“Cause…” I laughed embarrassedly. “I already have your kisses in a little folder in my brain. Now I wanna have this.”

“Is it just me in that folder?” Harry asked, suddenly interested in some other thing that frowning. Curiosity and amusement were burning in his stare and I rolled my eyes at him, almost scoffing at the fact that was the only thing that had managed to catch his attention. 

“Mostly you…” I conceded, even though the petty part of me was all for rolling out with a long list of names before I got to his name. “And Sebastian Stan…” I said, not being able to resist it. 

“Bucky Barnes?” His eyebrows twisted in confusion and he looked at me as I licked my lips, considering just how weird I wanted my answer to be.  

“And the cartoon, too...” I replied, a little bit too casually for it to go unnoticed, but Harry didn’t seem to notice, cause as he was nodding thoughtfully, his hands traveled to my neck again, making me look at him as he dipped his head down to reach the curve of my neck. 

“That’s a bit greedy, baby,” He whispered against my skin, pressing soft kisses down to my pulse point. I wasn’t sure if that was technically a kiss, and I didn’t care, it felt so good. “Someone else?” He was cheating, and we both knew it. I could feel his smile growing bigger, and I sighed as he grazed his teeth over the curve of my neck and let his tongue soothe my skin. “Babe?” He insisted, just to tease me. It was hard to think, and he knew it, but I wasn’t going to admit it just yet. 

“Uh.” I licked my lips and struggled for a second, as I struggled to remember what was it that I was going to say. “Chris Evans, “ I began. “and uh, Michael B. Jordan. Mmm… and Logan Lerman.”

“Isn’t that the guy you’re gonna work with?” He asked, stopping suddenly to look at me. I fluttered my eyes open and smiled when they could finally focus on him. 

“Yeah, him and Timothée Chalamet.”

“Mmmm...I don’t know if I want to share my folder with them,” Harry pouted, which made me laugh. I realized it was no laughing matter, but still, a warm, almost giddy, laughter kept bubbling out of my tummy. 

“Why? Does it make you jealous, H?” I teased.

“Should I be?”

“Mmmm...I don’t know. I honestly think I would let Logan fuck me...those eyes, man.”

“So funny, S…” Harry rolled his eyes. He was not as amused as I had expected him to be. 

“You shouldn’t be,” I said softly, looking him in the eyes, serious and sincere.  

“You sure?” He asked and I was sure he wasn’t talking about Logan Lerman anymore. 

“I’m sure, baby.” I wasn’t even lying. “So, who’s in yours?” I asked, cause maybe that’d take attention away from myself. I didn’t think things through though, cause he had a whole bunch of options for his answer. Who could it be? One of his supermodel exes? His singer ex? This wasn’t a fun game at all. 

“You.”

“Oh, so THAT’S how you answer that kind of question!!” I exclaimed, which made him laugh, and, as he did so, his dimples showed on his face, making him look a little boyish. He was fucking pretty, Jesus. 

“I’m not even trying to be a good boyfriend here,” Harry chuckled, and I relished on the way the word `boyfriend” sounded out of his lips. So pretty, so fucking pretty. “My folder is called “When Sof’s not around”, and I think we need to fill it up, so I don’t run out of thoughts.”

“Oh, we don’t want that,” I scrunched up my nose and shook my head at him as a smile played on my lips. I was so fucking happy and I couldn’t even figure out why. 

“No, we don’t.” The tip of his tongue lapped across his pink lips, and I followed it with my eyes, taking a second or two before I peered up to him again. “I was hoping we could kiss all night,” he said softly. “and maybe I could eat you out by the pool.”

“I didn’t bring a swimsuit…”

“You wouldn’t need one, baby,” Harry laughed, a mix of mischief and endearment lacing with it. I couldn’t stop staring at him, and my knees wobbled a bit as he leaned down, bumping our noses together one more time, as the soft brush of his lips against my skin made me shiver. 

“Don’t cheat,” I whispered and his soft laugh echoed down in every inch of my body. His lips grazed over my forehead, as he pressed a soft kiss to my skin. 

“Ok, baby. We’ll do it your way.”

“Thank you.”

“I think it’s silly, y’know?” He started, pushing me back so he could look at me with his bright green eyes. “We’re just starting, Sof.”

****

I wanted to kiss him. 

I looked at him, licking a spoonful of dessert with my head propped on my hand as I listened to him talk, but all I could think of was how much I wanted to lick the trace of chocolate out of his lips. 

“Is there something wrong, S?” I noticed there wasn’t much concern in his voice, not like there usually was when he asked me if I was ok. This time, there was a hint of mockery, almost as if he knew exactly what I was thinking and that all I wanted to do was to sit on his lap and press soft kisses from his jaw to his lips. 

Fuck.

“No,” I smiled sweetly, cause I wasn’t one to go down without a fight, and I took his hand in mine and pressed it to my lips before I looked at him again. 

“Were you distracted?” His smile was turning more devilish as the seconds went by and I felt myself get warm as he leaned closer, his hands dropping to my thigh and pressing softly to it.

He wasn’t gonna win. I was not going to let him. 

“Nope,” I said, letting the ‘p’ pop between my lips. “Tell me about your album, I promise I’ll be a grown-up about it.” 

“Nice save…” Harry chuckled. “I think you’re gonna like it.”

“I have recently discovered that I’m a very jealous person. I don’t think I’ll like it, but I’ll be happy for you.”

“You shouldn’t be jealous.” A smile tugged on his lips and I felt warm, so warm inside, I couldn’t help but smile as well. “And I think you’re like it, especially since I made a few last-minute changes, against Jeff’s will.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, he kept saying I had the guts, the audacity to change the album when we’re about to drop the first single.”

“What changes?” I insisted, because Jeff’s feelings were the least of my concern at the moment. 

I wished I could have played it cool. Maybe that would’ve made me look more interesting, aloof, unapproachable, and all those things a girl should be in front of her crush. But my heart was racing and the world was turning chaotic as my head ticked, like a tiny little bomb. 

I needed to know. 

Tick, tick. 

“You’re already sure you’re not gonna like it,” Harry smirked, surely unaware of the mess inside my head. “You might as well wait for it.”

No!!! TIck tick. 

“Oh, please, please, pretty please?? What’s the advantage of this if I can’t get a tiny sneak peek?”

“Well, for instance, you get me to cook for you…”

“It was delicious, thank you.”

“And you get me to eat you out at night when you’re not being stubborn and imposing kiss-bans.”

“I like that very much, too,” I giggled, looking at his green eyes as he got just a bit closer, just an inch away from me. 

“So it’s not such a bad deal, is it?”

“I guess not.”

“Good.” His bottom lip rolled into his lips and he bit it thoughtfully for a couple of seconds as his eyes kept burning little holes into my soul. That’s how it felt. “Let’s watch a movie, baby. Are there any bans on cuddling?”

“No, not yet.”

His fingers squeezed mine and he got up swiftly from the table, smiling brightly as we covered the few steps to a different room near the pool, where a giant screen awaited for us. There were a bunch of individuals blue chair, blue and velvety, and a larger one, that was meant to comfortably fit two. The room was dark, only lit by the lights coming from the screen, and I followed him blindly until we were sitting side by side. Slowly, we found each other, and as Harry sat against the armchair, I settled between his legs, cuddling up to his chest while his large hand rested on the curve of my waist. 

He smelled like a lazy Sunday morning when the rain is lightly tapping on your windows and all you can hear are the chirping birds when still early, so the world hasn’t woken up just yet and you get to focus on that feeling, on the promise of what’s coming. 

He also smelled like pasta and chocolate, and I didn’t mind that at all. 

He felt soft, comforting, and sweet, but above all, he felt safe. I was safe with him. 

And, I struggled for a bit, trying to understand what came next, what was the warmth and giddiness that settled in my tummy every time I looked at him. 

“You ok, baby?” Harry asked and I nodded absentmindedly, not ready to let my thoughts go just yet. What was it? “Wanna watch Set It Up?”

“Yeah, whatever you want. your choice.”

“Are you sure you’re ok? You don’t say that often.”

“Oh, shhh, Harry I always do whatever you want.”

“We definitely have different definitions of ‘Whatever Harry wants’” He mused and I propped myself up to look at him, almost suspiciously, almost angry.

“Do we? What do you want?” I asked. 

“To kiss you. And for you to stay the night.”

“I have a bed, y’know?” I quirked my eyebrow, looking at him as I had already won the argument. 

“Yeah, unfortunately…”

“And we promised we would behave tonight.”

“You can stay in a different room,” he offered. “Or I will.”

“What’s the point then?”

“You won’t have to miss me in the morning…” he shrugged. I laughed out loud, despite my best efforts to look offended. “And I won’t have to miss you.”

“I’ll think about it.”

Love. 

He looked a lot like love. 

And love looked a lot like him. 

***

Harry Styles and Sofia Welsh were out grabbing Fro-yo and I’ll never be as cool as either of them

Yes, I know what you’re gonna say: Are they paying you to write this sh*t? And the answer is yes! someone’s paying me to write this sh*t! Alas, neither Harry nor Sofia is. I wish. 

The usually private couple, and bear in mind I am using the word couple loosely here as they haven’t confirmed to be dating, gave the world a glimpse of their relationship as they stepped out in Los Angeles to grab ice-creams and bubble teas, along with friends.

Ever since the rumors of their relationship spread around, the couple has been mostly keeping a low profile - which is not very surprising as Harry Styles is not very open about his personal life since he was a member of One Direction and a large part of his fans believed him to be romantically involved with one of his bandmates (that was a mouthful! And also very true, there has been a lot of conspiracy theories about it)

Sofia, who’s in the middle of an Oscar campaign (and has been showing us just how much designers adore her), sported a pair of leggings, a crop top, and a large blazer, a perfect outfit for the ever-changing LA weather, and looked happy and relaxed as she waited for Harry to get their orders. Both stars took photos with fans and left together in Styles’ classic car…

****

We were made out of good intentions. 

We slept together that night and every night after that for an entire week. We didn’t do much, we kissed and cuddled, and spent our mornings lazily together until one of us had to go out to the real world. We even went out and we kept stealing looks and smiles at each other, like two little kids that were too shy in front of their crushes. 

Photos were taken. Articles were published. Midge was elated. 

Harry’s new single was coming out that night, and there was going to be a party to celebrate it. If it was a hit, they were going to celebrate their success and all the hard work that went into it. It was a flop, and it was not going to flop, they were going to drink for better times ahead. 

“Fuck!!!” 

I stared at the ceiling, willing my body to move and failing miserably at it as every little muscle in my body contracted painfully. My arms hurt, and my legs felt like they were on fire. 

I just needed 5 more minutes before I got up and got ready to leave. 

It was day 4 of “my new life” as my trainer liked to call it, and after another lunch of grilled chicken and steamed broccoli, I was ready to quit. I had trained and dieted before for different roles, but this time, I had a feeling she wanted to suck the life out of me. It even made me reconsider if I needed to be in a Marvel Movie. Would Midge kill me if I quit?

“Sof…” The male voice scared me just a little, as I thought I was alone in my house. I turn around just slightly, as much as my tired poor body could handle and smiled as I saw Sam standing by my door. “Can I come in?”

He was holding a tray, with something that looked like a sandwich, coffee, and a glass of water, along with a white bottle of medicine. I nodded, grunting even at the soft movement, and he walked quickly to my bed, setting the tray down before me as he stood awkwardly. 

“Shouldn’t you be at work?” I struggled to ask while I propped myself up and sat criss-cross on my bed. I sounded angry, and maybe I was, why would he bring me a sandwich? It was all I wanted to eat and all I couldn’t eat at the same time. 

“I’m off work today, and I wanted to check on you. Cat told me you’ve been feeling under the weather. I called your mom and she told me you should “just eat a sandwich and take an aspirin”, so here they are,” he said, offering me a childish smile as he pointed the tray with a little too much joy. 

“I can’t eat a sandwich,” I sulked. “And I need to get ready, I have to go to Harry’s.”

“You can eat a sandwich. And he can wait 5 minutes, you’re always there.”

I realized we hadn’t talked about the kiss, not really. I avoided being alone with him, and whenever the occasion presented itself, Sam would go out of the room, giving me space and maybe waiting for me to be the first one to reach out. I had never done that. Honestly, I didn’t think I would.

“You’re right, Sammy,” I said, picking the sandwich in my hands and noticing that he had already cut the crust off. “Thank you.”

It was weird between us, tense and quiet, and I didn’t like it. I bit into the bread looking at an empty spot on the wall as I waited for him to say something. Anything, I would take it. But Sam remained silent, pressing his palms on his thighs as he went to get up. 

“Sam,” I called for him and I smiled shyly when he finally turned around. He took his time, though, and for a moment there, I was scared he was going to leave. “I’m sorry.”

“That’s not what you want to hear when someone you like kisses you.”

“I shouldn’t have…”

“Did you want to?”

“Yes,” I breathed and I realized I wasn't lying. I did want to kiss him, there was no use in denying that. 

I put the sandwich down on the plate and moved closer to Sam until I could see the golden freckles that were hidden in his light brown eyes.

“Do you remember that night when you came through my window and stayed the night with me?”

“Yeah, I heard your dad scream, and I wanted to be there in case…”

“I know, Sam. I’ve wanted to kiss you ever since then,” I admitted and he kept staring at me as if he was considering what his next move would be. Would he kiss me? Did I want him to kiss me?

“You’re not being fair to me, Sof.”

“I know. You haven’t been fair to me either, but here we are.”

There was a moment of panic, cause for a second, I thought he was going to kiss me. He leaned over me and I held my breath as I looked at him, not able to stop him just yet. But as his lips brushed over my forehead, I closed my eyes, smiling as he pulled away from me. 

“Eat the fucking sandwich, Sof,” he replied and it wasn’t enough. I took his hand before he could leave and I licked my lips, peering up to him with something more than just fear pressing up to my chest. 

“Are we good?”

“Yeah.”

“I guess we’ll talk about it again when he gets back with his ex.”

That was a low blow, and we both knew it, but I just stayed quiet as he left the room, wondering if I deserved it. 

****

It took me a while to get ready, so I was late for Harry’s party. I went straight to the pool, where a large screen had been set up and the new video seemed to be on a loop. I couldn’t find Harry anywhere, but at the same, he was all I could see. I stared at the screen, looking at his golden skin as he was surrounded by the adoring crowd, at the way they kept touching and the expression on his face as he leaned into them. The song didn’t even matter, cause all I could focus on was his stupidly beautiful green eyes. 

I mean, I had watched his videos before. I had seen him fly through the sky and be surrounded by kids, but this was different. Those were entertaining and beautiful, and I felt the emotion in my tummy simply because it was him, and somehow, just seeing him made me happy. But in this one he meant to capture your attention and a little bit of your soul. He wanted to be desired and to be free along the way. And it was such a fucking sexy video.  

I lost count of how many times I allowed myself to watch the video, but it was probably too many times. After a while, I decided it was time to look for the real Harry, who was still nowhere to be seen, so I left the pool, smiling and greeting everyone as I passed by. 

I hoped he was alone, cause I wanted to fucking kiss him like no one else was looking. I wanted to tell him how lovely, talented, and amazing he was. I was going to kiss him a lot and praise him, it couldn’t get better than that. 

I looked for him in the living room, where a small crowd was throwing back cocktails and beers and went out to the front door, where people were lounging about, a bit drunkenly. But he wasn’t anywhere, and I was starting to feel uneasy. 

It took me more than a few minutes to make my way to his room because people kept getting in my way. I did my best to smile and engage in silly conversations about nothing, but my heart was growing heavy and my brain was too anxious to even remember if I had succeeded. 

I heard him talk even before I stood by his door. I couldn’t quite tell what he was saying or who he was talking to, but I noticed that his words were a little bit slurred, and his accent dripped thick in his low voice. The door was slightly ajar and I pushed it open and stood by the frame as I saw him talking on the phone. He had his back to me, so he didn’t notice that I had arrived, not that it mattered. 

“C, you’re drunk,” I heard him say and I wished he had just said a different name. “No...I know I told you it was just a PR relationship...Cause I need time to figure out...Really, C? Wanna know if I still love you? You’re not being fair...” The last part came out as a dry laugh, and I knew I had to leave, it was rude and inappropriate, but, most importantly, it was breaking my fucking heart. But my feet seemed like they were made out of cement, and my legs had chosen that moment to numb out of pain. So, I was still standing there when he turned around, and probably saw the tears that were threatening to spill down my eyes. 

I wanted to know the answer too. Could I know it? It’d save us a lot of pain. 

“Bye, C.”

He dropped his phone to the bed and I looked at him as he walked quickly to me. He looked flustered and worried, but it all seemed so distant, that it didn’t matter. 

“Baby,” Harry said, but that wasn’t my name. Did her call her baby too? He probably did, he was a ‘baby’ kind of guy. “Are you ok?”

“Yes, I was looking for you cause I wanted to check if you wanted me to post something on Instagram,” I lied. “D already drafted a tweet, it’s really simple.”

“Sof, how much did you hear?”

“Nothing. I’m gonna get a couple of photos and uh, I’m gonna go home, I think I need a rest day.”

His hand went to grab mine, but before he could do it, I turned and walked away rushing down the stairs until I could get lost in the crowd. 

Fair? None of us was being fair. 

[cherrysung]

mon amour

pairing: jisung x reader

genre: strangers to lovers au / fluff

warnings: mucho fluff

prompts: none

summary: a short walk to the convenience store paired with your clumsy feet gifted you the world’s biggest heart, and an answer to the question that had always haunted you.

not requested.

word count: 1.6k

note: this is my first scenario, I hope you enjoy it!

cherrysung’s navigation

Love is a very strong word, with many different meanings at that. One people use too much sometimes, and one people regret not having used. How do you know when you love someone? Do you mean it? Do people mean it? How do you even know when you mean it?

You often wondered as a kid what the word and action—love—meant.

Strangely enough, you weren’t thinking about love that one day your mom sent you out on your way to the convenience store in need of some eggs for your dinner. You also weren’t aware of how clumsy your feet generally are as you mindlessly walked back home, the sun that set behind the mountains providing you with a last bit of warmth before cool nighttime took over.

And so; your mind somewhere else, your feet struggling to find a nice pace, and the bag of eggs in your gentle grip dangling from side to side—you tripped.

Not surprising.

What was surprising, though, was the fact your body never hit the ground, but was rather caught by what felt like two strong, lean arms.

“Are you okay?” The person who was once nonexistent in your life, and then suddenly a stranger, asked with genuine concern. He looked young, almost your age, but his beauty was definitely something out of this world. His face was flawlessly highlighted by the last rays of golden sunshine, thin rimmed glasses resting on the bridge of his nose, and his white earplugs dangling by his ears after lightly taking them off.

Quickly pulling away from his grasp with tinted cheeks, you nodded, avoiding the stare that was calmly taking in your flustered expression with a hint of amusement.

“You... dropped this?” The boy smiled sheepishly, realizing the bag you were previously carrying, was full of eggs... that unfortunately cracked.

If anything now your face was completely red without a doubt, unable to deal even with the smallest amounts of embarrassment. “Don’t worry about it.” You managed to speak up. “I can buy more.” But your worries only increased as you noticed the sun had completely set, and your mind began filling with thoughts of your stressed, preoccupied mother that pondered over your lack of early arrival.

The freakishly tall boy smiled again, his narrow eyes creasing ever so slightly and his nose scrunching up in an attempt to push his glasses up. “Here,” your eyes watched as he raised his arm a tiny bit, noticing the bag of eggs that his hand, unlike yours, actually held tightly. “Don’t go to the store, it’s late already, which is not safe at all. Take these, I have more at home so it’s fine.”

Your mind was telling you to decline his offer. Yes, it was only a bag of eggs, but your mom always warned you to not talk to strangers, much less accept something from them. But, something in your heart told you to take them. He looked like a very kind boy—timid, but very nice. Also, why not? Your mom was going to beat you if you got home without them.

Reluctantly, your hand reached out, grabbing the bag of white and beige eggs before a smile etched its way onto your face, “what’s your name?”

“Park Jisung.” Your new acquaintance, or at least you hoped he was, answered as his lips mirrored your own, quickly throwing in a small folded, ripped paper into the bag held by your much smaller hands, unknowing to you. “I have to go, but I hope we can meet again.”

Your eyes watched as who used to be nonexistent in your life, then a stranger and now an acquaintance, calmly turned around and began making his way home. You panicked, wondering if you’d ever actually meet him again, “wait! My name is Y/N!”

Now you find yourself here, laying in bed, remembering how you met the boy who you once thought was only someone you randomly crossed paths with on the streets because he offered some of his help.

You didn’t know you’d get home that day only to be yelled at by your mother, or that you would find the ripped piece of paper Jisung smoothly dropped into the plastic bag when you weren’t looking. Much less did you ever think his phone number would be messily written down on it.

More so, you did not think you would actually text him.

As you stroke the sleeping boy’s hair next to you, you realize that’s one of the best spontaneous options you’ve decided to choose. A simple action brought so much joy into your dull life.

Little did you know so much would follow; little hangouts—whether it be at his house or yours, a couple parties and late reunions at shady diners. Your life became so colorful with Jisung in it, so interesting and so full of happiness, you didn’t even notice the day you caught feelings. Even Jisung himself didn’t notice when he caught feelings for you either.

After many hangouts, parties and late meetups at shady diners, same routine after same routine—followed little, cute study dates neither of you dared admit were really just dates, with the study excuse excluded. Eventually came your actual first official date arrived when Jisung finally found the courage within his system to ask you out.

By your fifth romantic occasion, followed your first kiss, a day engraved in your mind you will never forget and certainly one of the most special. Maybe it was the innocence of the moment and how you both were inexperienced with no idea on how it worked, or maybe it was the millions of butterflies that created chaos in the depths of your stomach as Jisung leaned down to press his lips to yours. He was intoxicating, the faint scent of strawberries and baby shampoo in his messy locks filling your entire senses as your lips molded against his slowly.

It was a very short and sweet kiss, with accidental teeth clashing initially due to your lack of experience. Even still with many small mistakes, it was full of trust and love and pureness that you wouldn’t change for anything else.

Yet again, you didn’t notice the day you fell in love, neither did he.

Realization eventually dawned upon you, when you started hearing in your ears how your heart thumped crazily against your chest every time your eyes landed on him no matter how many times you had already seen him before. How you felt like your world was complete if he was in it, and how you felt sad when he was sad, or happy when he was happy. Every single little thing he did was enough for you to burst out into excitement; but most importantly, his presence or voice alone could make your heart do so many consecutive leaps.

You came to the conclusion that it was indeed love, when anything that you did together took a special place in the secrecy of your fragile heart and emotions. Jisung could take you to a cheap restaurant, write down adorable letters instead of gifting you expensive jewelry or Valentine’s Day chocolates. The two of you could simply stay at home after ordering questionable takeout from the corner chicken shop while you watched cringey movies with awful scripts, the list could go on. In spite of any of those things who anybody would deem wrong, you love him. At the end of the day, you’ve saved and appreciated all of those memories sincerely; and still do, like now.

As your fingers kept running through his brown locks gently, you finally understood this was the meaning of love that you had been searching for all along. Love for you wasn’t what you heard in the movies or read in the books. Love, for you, is Jisung. Your love lives in him, he is your love.

A soft whine brought you out of your endless thoughts, your head turning to look at the very sleepy boy beside you as his eyes opened slowly to look up at you.

Your heart did a leap, as always. Even with a tired, swollen face, messy hair and an angry pout, Jisung still looked flawless in your eyes.

“Y/N, what are you doing awake at 4 in the morning, it’s so late?” Your boyfriend slurred, his eyes struggling to remain open.

You sent him a small smile, shifting on the soft mattress until your arms were carefully secured around his waist and his head rested happily on your rising chest with every breath you took.

“I was thinking about something called love. it used to be a mystery to me.”

His head turned to look up at you slightly, hair sticking in all directions and some covering his forehead, it was a sight you never wanted to forget. “Used to? Did you find your answer?” He asked, but spoke up once again with a playful glimmer in his honeyed eyes, “oh, I know. You love me.”

An unsurprised chuckle left your lips at your boyfriend’s cocky words, but you nodded your head anyways, “I don’t only love you, Jisung. You are quite literally the love of my life, I’m sure of it.”

“I don’t only love you either. You are also the meaning of love, to be frank, I am impossibly infatuated with you.” Jisung answered with blushing cheeks. “Love really is unpredictable and can come from nowhere, even from meeting a strange girl whose eggs cracked because she wasn’t aware of her ungraceful walking.”

You cracked a laugh, jokingly smacking his head softly. “Yes, and because of a boy who basically slid into my DM’s in real life.”

Gentle snores sounded throughout the room as they slowly left Jisung’s slightly parted lips, head still on your chest as your hand resumed with its massage on his scalp. You whispered quietly before closing your eyes.

“It was you all along. The one you love defines love.”

That’s how your journey on ‘what does love mean?’ came to a finish.

The answer was very obvious. It was your boyfriend, Park Jisung. Your love.

[inhumanmadman]

[ I had a dream Maximus married Jamie Braddock.

That sentence on its own is a nightmare, but it was a fun dream.

Normally, I can remember dreams like I just watched a movie, but I had three vivid dreams last night that each took the forefront of my memory, if that makes any sense, and this was the first dream. Strap in for this muddy wild ride.

The Inhumans were in Avalon...for something. I don’t think that was made clear in the dream to be fair, just that Black Bolt, Medusa, Crystal, Maximus, Gorgon, Karnak, and Triton needed passage into Avalon and were requesting it from Jamie. Jamie was difficult to speak to, nothing he said made sense. They were full sentences, but they weren’t on topic, as if he wanted to have a conversation about something despite any present pressing matters. Maximus took the lead. Who better to reason with a madman than a madman?

They immediately hit it off. They’re canonically two peas in a pod. Arguably evil before they went mad, and their madness is very similar.

While Maximus was chatting up Jamie, he waved the others off, who left to go on their quest. Apparently, Maximus wasn’t important to it. 

Maximus requested to be shown around, and Jamie obliged. The whole time, Maximus was smirking at Jamie and giving him those eyes. You know what I mean, those eyes a person gives the person they’re set on. The ‘You’re going to be mine,’ eyes. Jamie would glance over occasionally with suspicious curiosity on his face. Clearly, there was no trust there, but that didn’t stop him from spending the hour with him.

When they made it back to the throne, they had a short conversation before Maximus straight up asked, “Marriage, then?”

Jamie replied, “You don’t look like any queen I’ve seen.”

Maximus, leaning over the arm of his throne, replied, “A true king is no prisoner to the traditions of lesser kings before him.”

Four hours later (It was mentioned somewhere that it was specifically four hours later.), the Inhumans made their way back and found Maximus sitting on an identical throne to Jamie, leaning over towards Jamie, absolutely smitten. Jamie was still looking at him with the same curious suspicion. Still no trust. But they were married. It had been officiated.

The Inhumans were weirded out, but, “Ok, Maximus, you’ve had your fun. It’s time to go.”

Maximus told them that was no longer an option. He was an equal king of Avalon and had to remain in his kingdom. Crystal let out a nervous laugh and asked if he was really going to leave his family. He assured her he would return for his rightful throne eventually, stating they all “knew” he would. 

The whole time, one of Jamie’s subjects was mouthing, ‘Please take him with you!’ over and over and over again.

Jamie suddenly spoke above the arguing and declared, “I sense descent(?) among my men!” and squinted at the subject.

The subject was about to voice his concerns, when Maximus took over his mind and forced him to say, “Hail Maximus, King of Avalon.”

Jamie...squinted suspiciously...then shrugged. “’Guess I was wrong.”

The subject then stood there confused, while Black Bolt had enough of the situation and tried to approach the throne to snatch his brother up and take him back to Attilan. Jamie simply disappeared the lot back to wherever they came from.

Maximus was pleased.

The rest was snippets of their lives together. Jamie was a confusing jester of a king, but not to be taken lightly. Maximus was a nightmare. Subjects were mind-controlled into building a giant statue of him.

Brian met Maximus and just sort of...accepted it with some confusion. He’d never known his brother to be interested in men, but Jamie assured him they had consummated the marriage. Maximus commented that Brian was a “strapping young man”, to which Jamie informed him he was his brother. Maximus sighed in relief. “I thought I would have to kill him. The blonds always win the man, you know, and I cannot pull off blond hair.” Jamie was relieved because he thought Maximus was into Brian. Not at all, it turned out.

Betsy was not pleased with the sudden marriage. It was days after the marriage that she met Maximus. Like any sane person, she didn’t trust him, especially since there was suddenly a giant statue of him. Only one kind of man has giant statues of himself built. Anyway, she tried to force Jamie to annul it, but Jamie’s response was a very childish, “No, he’s mine. I like him, so I’m going to keep him.”

Maximus, beside him, gave a very resolute nod. “The king has spoken.”

Betsy continued to demand Jamie “fix what he had done”, but to no avail.

That is all I remember about the Betsy moment.

The last part, Maximus was making his own throne, you know, something shiny and metal, with lots of hidden contraptions. Jamie tried to pull a string and poof it into being, but Maximus scolded him for it. (Throughout the dream, this happened a lot. I just can’t place where it happened. One time, Jamie altered Maximus’s coat so he could see Maximus’s rear, and Maximus scolded him for it and demanded he change it back.) As always, Jamie changed it back.

Jamie consulted with his subject. While Maximus was right beside him, he said, “I have the power to give my husband anything, but he will accept nothing.”

Maximus informed him he was right there, so Jamie altered his hearing, rendering him deaf. Maximus just rolled his eyes and resumed his work. It was part of having a reality-warping husband, he supposed.

The subject, deciding not to just use the opportunity to voice his concerns about his new mad king, told Jamie, “Perhaps it is not your power he wants, but your company, sire...”

They continued to speak, until Maximus wiggled a finger in his own ear and shouted, “I need my hearing for this!”

Jamie was startled, crawling back into a corner of his throne, before he returned Maximus’s hearing.

Maximus resumed his work, but, eventually, he beckoned Jamie over. He decided to show him why he did not wish to just be given everything by allowing him to tighten a few screws and connect a few wires. Once the contraption whirred to life, Jamie was excited! He had made something! It was then that Maximus explained to him that building was “fun” and he would continue to build, even if he himself were granted the power to alter reality on a whim.

Jamie understood. He even helped with the throne.

And that was my dream. Please enjoy imagining it as I enjoyed having it. ]

[cinnamon-bebe]

The Bridge - Part II

The Bridge - Part I

Summary: Two ex-lovers find their paths crossing once again - continuation from Part I - Sebastian and reader reacquaint themselves in each other’s lives again, much to the reluctance of Y/N. 

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Warning: Angst

(Sorry for the delay! It’s been so incredibly busy lately!)

———————————————————————————————————–

“Roamer of the Cretaceous period, the ‘Tyrant Lizard King’, Tyrannosaurus Rex was one of the most fearsome predators on the planet. Boasting a set of 50-60 banana sized teeth, these carnivores were-”

Sebastian and Y/N stood in awe of the animatronics in front of them. A T-Rex on prehistoric land,  turning its head every so often and roaring unexpectedly, to give the startled kids a fright. Occasionally the sound of an adult shriek could be heard, followed by a simmering wave of snickering among the crowd.

“Woah, careful guys.” Sebastian bends down, protectively guarding the small group of children in front of him. A bunch of teenage boys had managed to push their way to the front, boisterously cackling and climbing on the railings to take pictures with the dinosaur. Defeated, the little kids retreat back to their parents as the boys continue with their shenanigans, with just one child standing defiantly.

“Hmph! Not fair!” She stomps her feet.

Recognising the little tot, Y/N bends down to poke her on the shoulders.

“Did you run away from your mama again missy?”

“Dinosaur lady! Caweey me again. I wanna see!” Izzy jumps up and down, her curly hair bouncing on her shoulders.

“Who’s this?” Sebastian whispers.

“My friend.” Y/N smiles before turning back to the girl. “I don’t think you should be running off like this, your mummy is going to be worried again.”

“My mama has to look after my baba sister, she can’t push the swoller here so she wait at the back for me.” Izzy points to her mother sitting on the visitor benches, cradling and cooing the bundle in her arms.

Clearing his throat, Sebastian decides it’s only polite to introduce himself to Y/N’s friend. He bends down to her level and extends his hand to her. “Hello dino lady’s friend. My name is Sebastian, what is your name?”

Izzy stares at him with suspicion, eyeing the strange man up and down before determining him to be a enough decent character and accepts his handshake with a beaming smile.

“Izzy!”

“Well hello Izzy, would you like to see the dinosaur?” Sebastian opens his arms but before he could say anymore, he finds them already full with the excited little girl who had leapt into them.

“Are you scared?” He whispers to the grinning child who shakes her head.

Y/N watches as the new friends become quickly acquainted, Izzy’s pitchy giggles erupting every time Sebastian says something funny. Both of them gasping as the T-Rex opens its mouth to roar, with Sebastian clutching his heart for added drama.

What a man child. Yet even so Y/N can’t help but laugh along with their silliness. To a bystander, they seem to be an idyllic little family spending a Sunday afternoon out at the museum. Mom, Dad and daughter. A modern day Norman Rockwell painting.

A passerby awes as she makes her way past the trio, to which Sebastian turns his head, smiling with unexpected pride whilst holding an oblivious Izzy who is still marvelling at the dinosaur.

“Psst! Dinosaur lady.” Izzy curls her finger at Y/N, bidding her to come closer so she could reach her ear.

“Hm?”

“Is Sebashon your boyfren?” She whispers, not so quietly.

Y/N looks at Sebastian, who returns the same uncomfortable expression on her face. The realisation of how bizarre this whole situation is quickly unravels before her. What is she doing playing happy families with her ex and some stranger’s kid? Has she stumbled upon some sort of alternate universe?

“No Izzy. Sebastian is…he’s just someone I used know.” Y/N smiles, purposely looking at him as she uttered every syllable. Fearing he has mistaken her goodwill for something beyond what it is, she needed to draw the line and clarify to him and herself, that this…meant nothing.

Sebastian doesn’t say anything, instead he clears his throat and turns his attention back to the child in his arms.

“Come Izzy, I think your mommy want to see you.” He tells the girl before carrying her back to her mother, leaving Y/N to stand alone.

Y/N inhales deeply, what is this feeling inside her chest?

Regret?

No, it can’t be. Regret implies that she didn’t mean what she had said but how could that be true? She doesn’t love Sebastian, not anymore. She had moved out the city, stopped seeing her old friends, all for fear that she might bump into him again. If there is regret, it would only be because she allowed him to run her out of her own life. If anything, that feeling inside her should be anger.

Resentment.

She curses herself for not turning a blind eye on the bridge. Who did she think she was kidding? Did she really think she could be diplomatic with Sebastian, act like they could be friends?

She watches as he talks to Izzy’s mother, who has obviously just realised who he is. Embarrassed that her audacious daughter had managed make a Hollywood movie star her personal nanny, she apologises profusely, trying her best to pry Izzy off of him; her little hands still grasping tightly onto Sebastian’s shirt. The exchange lasts for only a few short moments before Sebastian makes his way back to Y/N.

“Izzy says to tell dinosaur lady that she’ll miss her.” He reports back.

Y/N smiles, giving the little girl a final wave before she is led out the room.

“So, shall we continue?” Sebastian resumes.

“Actually, I think I should go.” Y/N grapples with the strap of her handbag uncomfortably. “There’s still some other stuff I want to do and it’s way into the afternoon now.”

“Well how about we grab a coffee before you go?” Sebastian interjects before she could slip past him.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Hey, it’s just one coffee. After that, you can pretend I don’t exist again.” Sebastian chuckles disingenuously.

Y/N continues fiddling with her bag, looking everywhere but him. The exit seems so close, she could just make a run for it.

“Just a quick one.” She gives in, figuring it’s better to get it over and done with than make a scene in the middle of a museum. The downside of knowing a celebrity is that there’s always someone watching.

“Okay.” Sebastian inhales uneasily, gesturing Y/N to the stairs towards the cafe.

———————————————————————————————————–

The museum cafe was unusually quiet for a Sunday afternoon. A small family occupying the larger table, with a smattering of both young and old couples dotted around the room; their chattering low enough to still hear the gentle pop song playing on the radio.

“A flat white for you and an Americano for me.” Sebastian places the drinks on their table, as Y/N types away on her phone.

“Thanks.” She smiles half-heartedly as she places her mobile back in her bag.

“So how long were you staying with Tara?” Sebastian quickly dives in.

“Just a few days, I hadn’t seen her for so long.”

“You know, she’s always telling me how much she misses you. Why don’t you come back more often?”

Y/N doesn’t respond, taking a large sip of her coffee as she stares out the window. She could feel Sebastian’s eyes on her but she’d rather pay attention to the traffic of visitors outside.

“Are you going to be back anytime soon?” He continues.

“I don’t know.” Y/N finally turns her head back to Sebastian, who still hasn’t touched his drink. “There’s so much going on at work and I’ve got a life now in Chicago. I don’t know when I’ll find the time.”

“Oh.”

A long silence ensues. Sebastian absent-mindedly rubs his thumb against the porcelain ear of his mug, a million thoughts rushing through his head.

“Are you okay?” Y/N mirrors his actions, gently chewing on her lip as she holds down the festering nerves inside her.

“Chicago huh?”

“Yeah.”

“You uh…you always did loved Chicago.” Sebastian smiles. “Do you remember that trip we took there for your birthday? It snowed so heavily when we arrived, we were trapped in our hotel the whole night.”

“Yeah, and we ordered room service and played black jack?”

“You mean I ordered room service and you ate those 7 packs of instant ramen you smuggled into your suitcase?” Sebastian teased.

“Well unlike some people, I like to travel prepared.” Y/N scoffs, masking her gentle titter behind her cup.

“Do you know what my favourite part of that trip was though? That day we went ice-skating and you pushed me and I ended up skidding and knocking over that old couple on the rink.”

“Sebastian that’s awful! You hit them so hard!”

“Well if you hadn’t pushed me!”

“I did not. That was all you. You do one Tonya Harding movie and suddenly you think you’re a pro! I can’t believe that’s your favourite memory.”

“Well if that didn’t happen, I wouldn’t have had you nursing me back to health all night.”

“Yes, piggy backing you back to hotel was so romantic.” Y/N rolls her eyes. “We missed all the reservations we had planned and I was stuck massaging your ankle.”

A solemn smile graces Sebastian’s face. “You always knew how to look after me. Even when I didn’t deserve it.”

The comment causes Y/N to look away. Her eyes retreating back to the cafe window, as she leans back into her chair, reinstating the distance between them.

“I’ve really missed you.” Sebastian continues. “Y/N?” He reaches for her hand but she pulls away defensively.

“Wh-what are you doing?” Frustration escaping through the cracks of her voice.

“I just want to talk.”

“No. No we are done talking. I should have never said yes to this. You think you can just buy me coffee, remind me of all the good times and then…and then all our problems will magically disappear?” Becoming mindful of the people around them, Y/N attempts to reign in her volume. “Do you know how hard this last year has been for me?”

“You think it’s been easy for me?” Sebastian fights back. “You don’t think, that I don’t think about you every day, every second since you left?”

“Oh poor Sebastian.” Y/N mocks.

“I tried looking for you. I tried calling. I tried doing everything to find you, to tell you how sorry I am. You wanted me to never see Kaitlyn again? Done. I’ve cut off all contact with her, I’ve deleted her number. Not once has she crossed my mind since you left because the only person that matters is you.”

“You still don’t get it do you?” A single tear trickles down Y/N’s face. “All I wanted was to feel needed, to feel wanted by you.” She pauses, her heart breaking all over again. “I don’t know when the pin finally dropped but suddenly, you just didn’t see me anymore. I was just a person you came home to. Your "I love you’s” became an obligation. It took me a while but I know now that, Kaitlyn was just a way out for us. She a way out for you.“

"Y/N, don’t. That’s not true.” Sebastian could no longer bare looking at her. The same cowardice that held him hostage that night, turning the corner to haunt him once more.

“I know you loved me but we got complacent. That was always your biggest fear.” Slowly draping her bag onto her shoulder, Y/N finally rises to her feet. Looking down at Sebastian, who still refuses to meet her eyes, even for the last time. “I need you to move on. Go enjoy your life, do the things you want and…find someone that makes you happy.”

“And what will you do?” He finally finds the courage to whisper those words. His head remaining low, his body too defeated to find the strength to stop her from leaving. It’s what she wanted, he has no right to inconvenient her any longer.  

Reaching out to rest her hand on Sebastian’s shoulder, Y/N recoils before he notices. She stares out at the window again, watching the people come and go obliviously, silently, contentedly.

“I’ll…live my life and I’ll be happy, whatever that may mean.”

Composing herself, Y/N wipes away the traces of tears on her face, ready to brave the outside world again. A world without him.

Is this what closure feels like? She questions.

“Bye Sebastian.” She mouths, her voice so low that she isn’t sure whether he picked it up. But it doesn’t matter.

Bye.

That word doesn’t even register in Sebastian’s head anymore as she disappears past him. His mind occupied by the statements still ringing in his ears. Too busy trying to run through every memory they shared over the past three years.

Is it all true?

Y/N was right about one thing. Sebastian’s greatest fear was that they’d become too comfortable in their relationship. To the point that everything the other person did, no longer bore the same novelty. To the point that their every action became a nuisance and eventually, they’d grow to resent each other.

He admits that their relationship was far from perfect and perhaps it did hit a point of stagnation. The more successful he became, the less time he spent at home and when he was there, his mind was somewhere else thinking about another project on the horizon. All those times, he’d walk past Y/N with his nose in a script. All those times, he’d usher her away because he was taking an 'important’ phone call. It all seems so trivial now.

He relegated her to a place where she felt she didn’t matter to him anymore, when that could be farther from the truth. Fame and fortune took its toll. The pressures of being a working actor and the fear of failure was something he couldn’t communicate to Y/N about. Maybe Kaitlyn was just an excuse for him to escape all that.

He loved Y/N  more than anything in this world.

And he still loves her.

________________________________________________________________

Staring out into the city lights, Y/N rests her arms over the bridge. Suddenly New York sounds so quiet. Peaceful. If that were even possible.

She is one of a few on the bridge. The others, a street merchant behind her, selling handmade jewellery since the day started, and a handful of commuters walking sluggishly to the station ready to go home. A parallel to the bustling scene this morning.

The sky pitch black, not a star in sight but the moon, otherworldly; illuminating and watching over the city and its people.

Y/N closes her eyes, comforted by the quiet breeze blowing kindly against her skin. Clutching her chest, she begs for the incessant aching to cease. If New York can find peace, why can’t she?

Her flight leaves early tomorrow morning, yet she finds every excuse to stay just a little longer.“A few more minutes, let me take in the city for just a few more minutes.” She tells herself. After today, she plans to steer clear of this city for as long as needed; until she can disassociate New York from him.

Y/N turns around to the soft touch on her arm.

“Hello miss, I’m sorry to interrupt. I’m selling a collection of some very beautiful and one of a kind jewellery that I personally hand crafted myself. Would you care to have a look?” The middle aged woman smiles earnestly, her eyes tired and her blonde hair slightly dishevelled from the day.

“I’m fine thank you.”

“Please, you might find something you really like! They would make the perfect gift for a loved one, I have pieces for men and for women. I have rings, necklaces, earrings…” The merchant begins to take out several bracelets from her pocket to demonstrate against Y/N’s wrist, which she reluctantly abides to. “In fact, if you come to my stall you’ll see I’ve recently created this gorgeous line of ruby jewellery, just right for a beautiful woman like you. That gentlemen over there just picked up one of my favourite pieces.”

Y/N looks up in the direction to which the woman points.

“Sir! Wouldn’t you recommend my work to this beautiful young woman here? It’s well worth your money isn’t it?” She shouts to the man standing behind them.

“Yeah…they’re very lovely.” He clears his throat, his eyes focusing solely on Y/N. “Could you excuse us for a moment?”

Y/N attempts to hurry past the confused the woman before Sebastian grabs hold of her hand. The woman watches with her mouth slightly agape, unsure whether she should intervene.

“No no, it’s okay. We know each other.” Sebastian reassures the street merchant, who nods slowly and returns to her stall. She watches the couple closely, alert in case she needs to call for help.

“Let go.” Y/N tries to pry his hands off her wrist.

“Not until you hear me out.”

“Let go now or I’ll scream.”

“No. You’ve said your piece, don’t you think I deserve the same opportunity?” Sebastian pulls her closer, forcing her to look at him.

Y/N’s struggles against him weakens, she glances at the woman watching them and quickly looks away embarrassed that this was all being played out in public. “What more could you possibly say?”

“You have every right to hate me.”

“Ha!” Y/N laughs sardonically. She decides to stop her efforts to rid Sebastian’s grip on her. She’ll allow him to finish and if needed, kick her way off this bridge if she has to.

“I was never caring enough, considerate enough.” He continues. “I thought my success would make up for everything else I was lacking and by doing that, I didn’t realise how far I pushed you away.”

Y/N turns her head from him, choosing to look over the bridge and into the city instead.

“There was never a second in those three years that I didn’t love you. Even now, I don’t think I can properly compute just how much I still do. You’re the only woman I do see and you’re the only woman who sees me…You mean more to me than you will ever know and the only thing that scares me now, is that you’ll leave here thinking otherwise.” Sebastian releases his hold on her, allowing Y/N to stand willingly by herself.

With her head still turned, Sebastian can see the tears quietly falling against her cheek.

“Y/N?” Sebastian pulls her into his chest, holding her head gently his hand.

“I can’t do this again.” Y/N cries.

“And you won’t. I won’t let this happen to us again. If it means my career taking a backseat, if it means I start taking on the little projects so I can be with you. So be it.”

“No. I don’t want that.” Y/N pulls away, finally looking at him. Sebastian’s gently cups her blushed cheeks, his thumb wiping away her tears which were still escaping her eyes. “I don’t want you to sacrifice doing the things you love.”

“Then what? You tell me and I’ll do it.” Sebastian whispers.

“I don’t know…talk to me? Share things with me? I don’t want us to be strangers.”

“We won’t. I promise. I have so much I’ve wanted to tell you but have just been too scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“That…you’ll see just how weak I really am.”

“Sebastian.” Y/N blinks back her tears so that she could finally see him more clearly. “You’re not weak. Just stupid.”

Sebastian smiles.

“I know how much you worry about your career and finding your place in the industry but no matter what happens, even if you lose all your money and your fame. It will never change my opinion of you. I fell in love with you, not the fancy actor.”

“I know.” Sebastian gazes down at Y/N. In this moment he cannot figure out why he ever doubted that. He lowers his head, tenderly placing a soft and longing kiss on Y/N’s lips. Her kiss, her scent even more perfect than he had remembered. Pulling away, he rests his forehead against hers. “So, are you still going back to Chicago?”

“I don’t know.” Y/N sighs.

Entwining his fingers into hers, Sebastian slowly leads her away from the side of the bridge.“You can make that decision tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Y/N rests her head against his arm. Finally feeling the peace that she had sought long and hard for, she no longer needs the breeze to bring her comfort. She has found her peace, which always remained with Sebastian. She allows herself to be guided by him, holding her tightly next to him.

They both wave to the street merchant, as they leave. Her genuine smile sending them her deepest blessings as they disappear from sight.

“So what did you buy from that lady?” Y/N enquires curiously.

“It’s a gift.” Sebastian smiles to himself. His finger inside his pocket, circling the Ruby band.

[uncultureddirt]

Day Zero (Part 2/4) - Park Jisung (Post Apoc!AU)

~REQUESTED~

“Thank god she’s here”

Warnings: Violence, language

“Jisung what's going on?” He could hear the panic in your voice, but with the limited time, he could only say so much.

“Y/n, take this and run. Please. Get out of here,” he paused and handed you a dark green backpack, “I’ll take care of this.”

You held the bag in your hands as you watched him head towards the door, walking right into sounds of violence and hatred. A part of you wanted to cry, to hold on to him, to not let him walk out. Another part of you trusted him and felt you should leave, knowing he would find you. But one voice of yours was louder than the other. 

You had to go after him. 

You felt around in the bag Jisung handed you. You were looking for something you could use to defend not only your own life but Jisung’s life as well. 

When your hand grazed a cold metal surface, you froze. It was just what you needed, but you never expected to have to use one with Jisung around. You had forgotten about danger. Did you even remember how to use one? You surely hoped so. Enclosing your grasp around the object, you pulled out what looked to be a small pistol. 

“I know he said go, but I can't let him fight alone,” you spoke under your breath as you checked to see if the gun was loaded. The yelling surrounding the home was already painful but combined with the gunshots, you felt sick. Nothing was more unbearable to listen to than the sounds of warfare of any kind. 

You exited through a backdoor Jisung had made for emergencies, hidden behind an old, ornate looking rug. The gunshots had halted. Somehow, the silence following the open fire added a fresh feeling of unease. As you crept towards the front of the building, you watched multiple figures in some sort of standoff, each holding a weapon. Squinting, you tried to discern, ‘which one is Jisung?’ 

The tiny physical details and features that are personal to an individual may be unimportant in our daily lives. As it is not necessary to focus on everyone’s appearance for survival, most people only closely observe the ones they love and care about. And you knew Jisung, but you never expected to find such knowledge to be so vital in a situation. 

You knew the coloring of his eyes, to how his cheekbones would react to different emotions, or even the way his teeth look when he smiles, but you couldn’t gather those tiny bits of information, the things you needed. It was dark, and your eyes could only make out figures. You had to carefully decide how you were planning to determine which one was Jisung. You knew you couldn’t waste time, but as your eyes began to adjust to the lighting, you felt yourself grow cold. 

As one of the men stepped into a sliver of moonlight, you saw the ink on them. Opaque and evil and all too familiar. You knew the men who were attacking your “home.” 

Tartix.  

Your mouth grew dry and panic invaded every part of your body. You began to lose touch with the brave energy that helped push you to go after Jisung in the first place. The shots resumed along with yelling, and you winced, closing your eyes instinctively. The voices had grown louder in your ears, but you still couldn’t decipher what was being said. Was one of those voices Jisung? When you reopened an eye, a body dropped. Your heart began to race and suddenly you were consumed in memory. It was as if the world stopped for a moment and played back your life, like rewatching a terrible movie. 

“Where's my mother?”

“I’m sorry sweetie, but she wouldn’t give us information we needed. We even said please.” 

“I’m not four, don’t talk to me like that. I asked where is she?”

“How ‘bout you tell me where the rest of your gang is and we’ll look around for her together? Hm? How does that sound?”

“I’m not telling you shit. Where is she?”

“She’s dead you whiny fuck. Happy now? I said she’s dead.”

“... Jisung…” His name being stressed in one of the men’s voices brought you back. 

‘They know his name?’

Swallowing hard, you lifted your gun, aiming at a tall man. You couldn’t stand still anymore, you needed to do something. His face was inked, that much you could tell, but it wasn’t clear enough to see what number he carried. What you could see, though, was that it was a single digit. An original member. A ‘big shot’. Your finger rested on the trigger. ‘Do it, y/n. Stop hesitating.’ 

It happened all too fast. The man craned his head and the bullet flew right by him. Your heart sank. You missed.

“Hey! Who the fuck’s back there?” one man yelled, diverting everyone's attention from Jisung to you.

“Y/n GO!” Jisung screamed, finally noticing your presence. You complied, this time, without hesitation.

The men began to fire again, some running towards you. Jisung followed, shooting at them as he ran. The others followed him, firing in suit. Though bullets were filling the air, almost like rain, everyone carried a steel umbrella. No one was getting hit. The night was too stiff and dark to aim properly. You were running through tar, why weren’t you going fast enough? Maybe it was the guilt weighing on you as you ran. ‘You just had to miss your shot, didn’t you? Idiot.’ 

“I told- you- to go!” You almost screamed at the sound of his voice. Jisung was next to you, panting hard as he sprinted. You wondered how he managed to pass them without getting shot. He appeared clear of bullet wounds, but his face was badly cut up and bruised. They hurt him. 

“I had- to do- some- thing.” Your voice paused at every inhale.

“Well- you fucking- missed.”

“I wanted- to- help,” you replied, embarrassed. Your chest was burning. 

“Be- quiet.” He sounded noticeably frustrated, “Save- your energy.”

If someone asked you how long you had been running that night, you wouldn’t be able to answer. Fear can have an odd effect on the physical capacity of a body. When someone finds themselves in a state of affairs where their life is being threatened, they will push themselves to the physical and mental limit in order to avoid death. In your case, it was to run. 

When the sounds of projectiles ceased and the night grew silent, you hoped it meant you lost them.

Finding yourselves in the middle of the woods beneath a big black sky, you collapsed under a tree and rested your back against it. Surely you were hidden enough to safely stop for a while.

“Why- were they after you?” you spoke, trying to catch your breath. 

“They can go after,” he swallowed, “whoever they want.”

“Jisung, they knew your name. How did they know your name?” you were afraid to hear the answer, but you needed to know. He was hiding something from you, even though you had worked so hard to assure yourself he had no secrets. 

“Listen y/n,” he sat down across from you, “stop asking me questions. You almost got both of us killed.” His words were sharp. You felt them hit you hard, and it hurt. Your face was burning and you sucked in your cheeks, you only wanted to help. 

You grew silent as you watched him. His head remained in his hands, his back rising and falling, he was still panting. Occasionally lifting the collar of his shirt, he would wipe the blood escaping from the cuts on his cheek and jawline. You took off the bag he gave you, there had to be something you could use to help. A blanket. Jisung was smart; he packed well. You laid it across the grass and sat on it. He didn’t look up to see the blanket. And after a couple of minutes, you decided you needed to encourage him yourself.

“Come here,” you said softly, “you’ll be more comfortable.”

He lifted his head and nodded. Jisung walked over and sat next to you. Slowly lowering himself onto his back, he shut his eyes. His breathing eased and he turned to his side. You mirrored his actions. 

Though you were laying next to him, you felt alone and afraid. The event which had occurred wasn’t only upsetting because it was a shock. Rather, the attack was terrifying because you began to realize that running could never save you. They always came back for you. You clenched your jaw as you felt your throat tighten. ‘Fuck. Don’t cry.’ you thought to yourself. But slowly, your breathing grew uneven and your eyes began to sting. You wanted to say sorry, but you couldn’t bring yourself to. Jisung was mad at you. He registered that you were nothing more than extra weight he had to carry. You were a burden.

Before you could cry any further, you felt something drape over your side and pull you in. You nearly jumped. The force wrapped around you. Jisung was hugging you. Protecting you. 

“I’m sorry. I just don’t want you to get hurt,” he spoke into the crook of your neck.

Jisung was kind, he had opened his heart to you the moment you entered his life. Though there had always been an invisible wall, preventing you from interacting like this. Maybe it was the fear of becoming attached, the fear of each other. Whatever kept you a friendly distance apart was crumbling with Jisung’s touch lingering on your arms. 

Your stomach was floating, being lifted by the butterflies flying within it. A part of you always wanted him, but now that he was here you froze, unaware of how to act. You decided you should embrace it. There was something about his touch that flipped the world back to life before Day Zero. The feeling of peace was new on your skin, but you were content with its presence. You brought your hands around his, placed delicately on your abdomen. His hands were big, and you could feel the warmth in his touch. Turning your body, your faces became inches apart. 

“Why are you being so nice to me right now? I almost got you killed. I'm sorry, I don’t kno-” your voice cracked as your eyes began to fill with tears again. He gently brought his hand to your face. 

“It’s okay. I promise you it’s okay,” he said, slowly dragging his thumb across your cheek, wiping your tears. He traced down the side of your face as he spoke again, “I’m sorry for getting angry, I promise you it's okay.” 

You shut your eyes and started to breathe normally as you drifted off to sleep. Though you felt as if the world was against you, Jisung’s touch was enough to make you feel okay, even if only for a moment. He reminded you that you weren’t alone, you had him.

~

There was something so poetic about the sunrise. The way the sky became stained in a sherbert glow, as color and life were slowly being restored. The morning air was cool and dry. It blew gently through the woods, lightly creating movement within the green around you. You looked at Jisung, his arms still holding you. His breathing was soft as he slept; he appeared so untroubled and serene. You admired him. His hair flopped messily across his forehead as the newly-risen sun delivered a small stream of warmth over his face.  

When life seems empty and pain proves to be endless, moments like this help promote emotional healing needed to move again. It was at these times that you were reminded of what had not been robbed from the Earth. Peace was present around you. The stillness in the air sank into every part of your body, relaxing each muscle and nerve. The sun began to fill out the sky more and more, spreading it's light and spirling color across the forest. 

Peace was present. 

~

You and Jisung began to move again after what felt like a couple of hours. As strangely soon as it was, you had to search for a new home. The previous shack had been hidden within the depths of the woods. It had been selected by Jisung based on its camouflage with the woods around it. Though the seclusiveness had been destroyed with Tartix’s discovery. Hopefully, your new home would be safer than your last. 

You walked through the woods side-by-side, keeping an eye open for both people and buildings. When you’d face diverging paths or an obstacle, Jisung would gently slide his hand on your back and help direct you. There was something so comforting about his touch. You two talked and laughed the whole way through. You let your mind slip, allowing you to forget the reality the two of you were faced with. 

After what seemed like miles and no luck, Jisung decided you guys should sit. From the chaos of last night and the long morning journey, exhaustion was potently present within both of you. 

“Holy shit. I could pass out right now.” Jisung said, positioning himself on the matted and dry yellow grass.

“I know. Me too.” You sat down next to him, letting your back sink into the grass until you were lying flat beneath the sky. 

“You know I’m not mad at you, right? If Ron didn’t move, you would’ve hit him.” He tapped you on the stomach as he spoke. 

Though there was something wrong with Jisung’s attempt at reassurance. ‘Ron?’.

“Ron,” you sat up to view his face, “Who’s Ron?” You furrowed your brows as his eyes fell, noticing he slipped up. “Jisung, your tattoo,” you grazed your thumb over the ink on his neck, “you know them, don’t you?”

“Ron was one of the leaders. They’ve been after me for a while now.” He exhaled deeply. 

“Why?” 

He reached inside the green bag and pulled out a tiny silver can. “Sorry, I’m hungry. You must be too, eat,” he pulled out another for you and then returned to the serious topic at hand, “Can you promise me that after I tell you this you won’t think of me differently?” 

“I won’t,” you said, keeping your eyes on his, and you meant it. 

“I joined Tartix in the early days of Day Zero. I needed food, somewhere to stay, and somewhere to belong. At the time, that’s what Tartix was offering and I was desperate,” he paused to push his hand through the dark locks on his head, “I had no idea what I was getting myself into.” 

There was an additional dimension to his voice that you hadn’t heard before. You weren’t quite sure what it was. Maybe fear? Or sadness? Shame? You couldn’t put a direct word to the raw emotion, but you could feel it. You could feel his pain cutting into his words, even though he’d just begun his narrative.

“They would,” he looked away from you, “They would go on these kill missions. Raiding homes, taking everything these innocent people had, and stealing lives along the way. Murder was an accessory to thievery for them, and thievery was survival.” 

He talked as if he were slowly dragging a knife over a scar. Cautious not to reopen something that took a long time close. You remained silent, allowing him to speak. Though it was painful to talk about, maybe he needed to vocalize what was bottled up to lessen the internal damage. 

He resumed eye contact with you. “I couldn’t kill anyone, y/n. I couldn’t.”

“Did you?” Your face burned immediately after asking. You felt embarrassed for raising the question, but Jisung answered anyway. His face sank and you watched his shoulders drop deeply. 

“I-I had to,” slowly, tears began to fall from his eyes, “It was only one, but she was so young. If I didn’t do it they said they’d kill me.” He was breaking down before your eyes. The pain was pouring out of the wound you opened. “I was terrified. I dreamed about that girl every night. I would never kill anyone after that,” you took his hand into yours, “so they beat me every day, in front of the whole gang. Each time there was a new kill mission or prisoner being punished, I would have to watch, I was forced to watch. Then I heard that they were planning to kill me, so I ran.” 

You felt Jisung had more to tell, more pain to release, but you could see he had enough for the moment. To open up about your past is to relive your own history, which can be draining. You felt no need to share your own story; this was Jisung’s moment, not your own. You wrapped your arms around Jisung, embracing him tightly. He lifted a hand and rested it on your arm, a gesture of appreciation. You pulled away and dragged your finger over his tattoo.

“Thank you.” he breathed out. You weren't really sure what for. If anything, you were additional weight for him to carry. 

~

The late afternoon unfolded before your eyes. You and Jisung began to move again and continue your search. Silent worry and doubt were always present within you. It constantly felt like a tiny voice settled within your brain and was whispering to you all day long. 

‘You’re not going to find anything.’

‘Give up.’

‘You’ll never be safe from Tartix.’

Somehow, the sound of Jisung’s voice always was able quiet these thoughts, making you regain confidence that better days were ahead of you. He had a way of easing your doubt. He would hold your hand or your back and whisper into the air, “A bit longer” or “We’re almost there.”  He made traveling easy. He made life easy. Well, not easy. Life was by no means easy after Day Zero. But through all the struggles, Jisung made it easier. Jisung made it worth it.

The sun was beginning to end its shift when you saw it. The small square building was hidden behind a thick of trees. You two were significantly far into the woods, an area where, with luck, no one would think to venture to. 

“Jisung, look” you grabbed his hand and began running through the various plants and trees until you found yourself in front of the tiny establishment. On the grass nearby was a small rusted sign reading, ‘Eddie’s Bait and Tackle’. 

“Fishing supplies,” he chuckled lightly, “this will do nicely.” Jisung entered the home slowly, you following close behind. It was only logical to hold your gun near and approach a new place with vigilance. But after a quick survey, he concluded, “It’s empty, we’re good.”

Within a couple of minutes, you were both seated on the floor of the shop. It didn’t take long to settle in with the few belongings you had. 

“We’re gonna have to make a trip back to the old shed and get some of our stuff. Hopefully, it isn’t raided before then.” Jisung said while leaning against the wall. His head was tilted back, presumably from exhaustion, but his eyes were on you.

You nodded and began to look around, trying to imagine what the store was once like. It always struck you as strange, imagining the world before the mess. It like being able to recall a really good dream, each day it became harder to remember the details. 

~

As night settled in deeper, you found yourself outside, allowing the darkness to surround you. The plant life was wildly lush and overgrown around your new home, inducing a feeling of isolation. You closed your eyes. And maybe you were falling asleep, or maybe you were in some meditative state, but either way, you found yourself in your own world. A dark and sad world.

“Y/n?” Your name had lifted the spell and transported you back to reality. You nearly jumped at the sound. 

“Oh. Hi.” You were happy Jisung came out, you were beginning to feel suffocated.

He sat down close beside you and wrapped his arms around his knees. You listened to the sound of his breathing as you stared off into the darkness. 

“Remember when I said how different life before this was. That time when we-”

“Were sitting next to that candle, yeah,” you finished his sentence.    

“Before all this… I don’t know. I was always searching for something that would make me feel. I constantly felt like there was a hole within me, and the pain that came with this huge change only stretched it wider. The thing is, the way I felt wasn’t so different. I realized I was kinda always hurting. Day Zero didn’t rip a hole in me, it only worsened what was already there,” you felt his eyes on you as he spoke, “It wasn’t until you, that I could patch that hole.” 

The very sound of the word ‘you’ lit your heart on fire. You swallowed hard and your face grew hot. You turned your head to meet his eyes. 

“My life is different now because you’re in it, and it's not a bad change.” His gaze fell from your eyes to your mouth and back up to your eyes.

You did the same, trying to let him know you were okay with it.

Understanding your signal, he leaned in slowly and took your face into his hands, kissing you deeply. Your heart was racing, and you lifted your hand to run it through his hair. You continued to crash lips as he lowered his hands to your waist. 

You remained in disbelief throughout the whole time. Your mind was blank except for one thing. 

And that thing was him.

~

A/N: Hello lovely people!! I will be in Tennessee for 8 days on a service project this week (July 6-14) building and restoring homes for the impoverished.  Due to this, I will be inactive on this blog. Though when I return expect to see parts 3 and 4 rather soon. 

Editor’s Note: G typed her author’s note before she left, but I took longer than expected to edit, so I’m posting this for her while she’s still away. She’ll be back on Sunday! ^^

[mrs-dragneel-stark-solo]

Unforseen Chasm (part 37)

Part 37 of Unforseen Chasm

Prompt: Two sisters fall for men that are absolute enemies. The love they have could tear all of them apart, or it could bring them together. Word Count: 2041 Warnings: Language, fighting,sad moment, ANGST!!!!!! the angst gets me sad so you know its good lol song for this part: Better- Betty Who Note: This is by far the longest thing I’ve ever written (including my other fic series). first major Collab with my best friend @thorne93​​ what was first a simple “what if” moment turned into a two year writing session and I’ve never been more prouder of myself than when i started my first series. goes through most of the MCU plots there are some changes to accommodate for what we wanted and there is a bit of a crossover between the MCU and other characters. I hope you guys enjoy reading this just as much as I enjoyed writing it.

As soon as Shannon’s parents left, you and Shannon head to the apartment. 

Once you’re there, memory lane hit you like a semi-truck. You took a look around the apartment you two purchased what seems like lifetimes ago. Your eyes traveled over pictures of you two graduating, the first day Shannon took a job with Stark, your first patent in physics… Pictures and paintings you two had bought together, that super comfy blanket you found at the mall… Every little item was a new memory. 

“Wow. I forgot just how good we were at decorating,” you said in a sort of amused, awe inspired tone. 

“Yeah, with your color palette and my great knack for finding unique items, this place really looked great,” she agreed. 

Next, you wanted to see your bedroom. You wondered if it would be exactly as you remembered it. 

When you opened the door, you were stunned to find it was. All the brainwashing and time away couldn’t even change that. The black and purple comforter was still on your bed. Your walls were covered with your favorite movie posters and whiteboards. The dresser was covered in papers and pictures of years past. 

“I had your bed sheets washed periodically,” Shannon suddenly said from behind you. You turned to face her.

“Ah, yeah, thank you.” You tucked your hair behind your ear and looked around. You went to your closet, surprised at how many bright colors were in there. Now, you mainly opted for black, red, green, and purple. “I don’t even know what to take… Actually…” an idea struck in your mind. “Shannon, you said that I could have this apartment, right?” 

“Of course, Y/N. There’s not much else I can do with it. I mean this is our home.” She waved her hands around the place. “I think it’d be more suited if you had it, it’s all paid off so no need to worry about much there.” She smiled knowing her friend would stay close to her even if it wasn’t a floor away. 

You chewed your lip, hoping this didn’t sound awful. “Well… instead of me taking stuff back to the cell -- because I’d really like to stay out of it, and making it feel like home feels awful -- what if… well what if you took some of your stuff back to the tower, with Tony? I mean, you’re engaged now, and Loki and I would like a place all to our own. I’m sure he’d want to go get some things… What do you think? I mean, I don’t wanna sound like I’m kicking you and your stuff out…” 

“Um… yeah sure I can probably get Stevie to help me pack my things and have it out in a few days,” she said trying not to sound hurt. “Well I guess I leave you to it then, I’ll be in my old room collecting my things.” 

Shannon walked out of the room slumping her shoulders a bit. She knew it was childish to feel hurt because she’s not living with her bestie/sister. But it hurt knowing she no longer had a place in their home. She entered her room and was flooded with emotions and memories of when it had been just the two of them here. Shooting a quick text to Steve, she got to work placing her things in her suitcases.  

Seeing your best friend this hurt made you feel worse than when you two were physically fighting in New York. You sighed and went into her room and sat on her bed.

“You know… you don’t have to just rip all your stuff out of here,” you said, looking up at her. You took the sweater she had in her hands from her gently. “What if… we did this? Loki and I will share a bedroom, we don’t need the second. You’re welcome to stay here any time, as long as you call ahead? Just to make sure you know… it’s a good time? This was your home for years, and I don’t want you to feel like I’m booting you out.” You reached over and gripped her hand, smiling up at her. 

Shannon had been concentrating on packing so she wouldn't let the little tear slip out. She looked up at the ceiling and then at you. “It’s okay, Y/N. I get it, you want a place to create new memories with Loki.” She stopped packing and sat down next to you. “I shouldn’t have assumed everything would be like before everything happened.” She went on to say how she understands that you’re both different people and that’s fine because you two are adults. 

The rest of the day was just you two talking and remembering things that were once forgotten and after eating dinner together and watching some movies like old times, Shannon excused herself for a moment.  She headed to her room and made a call to the tower.

“Hey babe, I’m still at the apartment with Y/N. I just wanted to let you know that we’ll be home soon and that she’s decided that she would like to live here in the apartment with Loki once he gets out too.”

“You had me worried for a moment. I thought you were going to say that you two will be staying the night there.” 

“And what if we had decided that huh? We’re adults plus I figured she wouldn’t want to sleep away from him.” She walked around looking at all the things she had left in her room. “I was wondering if you could have someone come help her redecorate the place to their liking?”

There was silence on the line. “If that’s what you really want then sure we can have that done once he gets out of the cell too.”

“I’ll see you at home soon enough.”

“See you here.”

With that Shannon went back to the living room. And they finished watching the last movie they had picked. 

You turned your head to Shannon lazily on the couch as the movie started to end. It was one both  of you had seen at least twenty times. “This has been the best possible day for me being released.”

“Yeah?” Shannon asked, happy to hear that.

“Of course. I became your maid of honor, we went wedding dress shopping, we went out to that great lunch spot, I got to see Lucky, and Diane and Tom… You and I got to spend the whole day together…” 

“Yeah, yeah it was nice, wasn’t it?” 

“Mhm. And I’m sorry about the whole apartment thing,” you apologized again. “It’s just…”

Shannon held up her hand. “I get it. You and Loki have never been alone. This is a place for you to start your lives together. Tony and I have the whole tower, and I have my old floor. If you and I need time away together, we can do it on my old floor.”

“You’re sure?” you asked, still worried you’d hurt her feelings.

“I’m positive, hun.”

At that, you smiled. As soon as the movie ended, the two of you picked up all the food and plates you’d accumulated during the day and cleaned the apartment. 

“Well, I better get back to Loki before he thinks I’ve abandoned him.” 

She laughed. “No, we wouldn’t want that.” 

--------------

Back at the tower, you and Shannon parted ways, bidding each other goodnight while she went upstairs to Tony and you ventured downstairs to Loki. 

As soon as your eyes landed on him, your chest filled with warmth, then a bit of chagrin when you remembered where you two were. You walked up to the cell door, put your hand on the scanner, and entered. 

“Hi, darling,” you greeted as you walked into the living room. It was odd, to say the least, having the freedom to come or go as you please in this place. “Happy to see me back?”

“I am,” he admitted to you. “How was your day out?” he asked, putting his book down.

“It was… a little overwhelming, but overall it was great.”

“Did they give you any stipulations or anything like that?” 

You got up and headed to the kitchen, readying to make some coffee for yourself. “Uh, actually, yeah. I have a parole officer. I have to report to him a few times a week, work with him… you know…” you said, dancing around the topic. 

“That sounds stressful.”

“Actually, my parole officer couldn’t be more laid back,” you assured. 

“Oh? Is that so? Well that’s good then.”

“He can have a bit of a temper,” you added with a bit of a smirk. 

“Well just stay on the right side of that,” he encouraged as he reached around you to grab a mug and pour himself some coffee. 

“Yeah, I think I can. We’ll be working in his lab. He wants me for my physics brain so…”

“Oh, he’s a scientist? I thought on Midgard they had officers dedicated to this sort of thing?” 

You slowly nodded. “Well.. Yeah, they do. But I’m sort of a special case. A normal cop can’t exactly control me if I get out of hand so--”

“Is your parole officer Bruce Banner?” he asked point blank suddenly, cutting you off.

Shit.

You pressed your lips into a thin line and that was all the answer he needed. A man as clever and witty as Loki would of course see through the thin veil of truth you’d weaved.

“Yes… he is but--”

“Are you serious? They stuck you with that animal?” 

“Bruce is not an animal,” you calmly retorted.

“I beg to differ, or do you not remember the broken ribs and mangled face I acquired last time we met?” he demanded.

“I do, but… my love, we kind of… we brought that on ourselves, did we not?” 

“I want you to demand someone else,” he ordered. “I don’t want you working with him.”

You stared at him in disbelief. “Loki, I’m not going to do that. Bruce is highly respected in my field and if this goes well, he could really get me back in. A foot in the door doesn’t even begin to explain just how much working with him would fatten my resume. I could work for virtually any company.”

“I don’t care. You would be willing to work with the man who nearly killed me? Your career means more than my life?” 

A bitch face clouded your expression. “Now, Loki, that isn’t fair. I’m not choosing one or the other. As long as you don’t piss him off, he won’t do it again.”

“Ah, right, don’t raise his blood pressure or we could all die. It’s amazing to me how I’m the one in a cell when he’s the one that can’t be around loud noises or he could kill hundreds of people because he got shocked.” 

“He can’t help turning into a monster but--”

Loki stared at you. “But what, darling? Go ahead and finish that sentence. Let me guess: but I can? Is that where you were going with that?” 

You stared at him, your face even. “No,” was all you said to him. 

“This is amazing. You’re out of this cell for less than twenty-four hours and you’ve already turned on me.”

“Turned on you? I came back to you. I came back to this cell, which I fucking hate by the way, just to be with you, to spend the night with you.”

“Well who asked you to do that?” he asked with a cold smile. “Please, don’t let me burden you,” he coldly replied before walking into the bedroom and slamming the door behind him. 

On that note, you let out a huge sigh. Well, what to do now… 

You went into the office and tapped on the tablet, pulling up your only contact and calling it. After three rings she picked up. 

“Hey,” you greeted, not hiding your sadness.

“Hey, hun. What’s up?”

“Can I come up?” 

“Sure thing… I’ll meet you on my old floor, yeah?”

You nodded and ended the video call. Leaving the cell for the second time today, but no intention of returning in your mind this time.

Unforseen Chasm Tag list- @reigningqueenofwords​ @oldfreakything​ @weclassygirl​ @adefectivedetective​ @dontbetooobvious​

Tag list- @cas-you-assbutt-dean-needs-you​ @winchester-writes​ @winchesterenthusiast​ @georgialouisea​ @deansdirtylittlesecretsblog​   @sammysbuttcheek​ @misz-adrii​ @sandlee44​ @womanxofletters​ @natsuccs​ @childishhoebinoo​ @expecteddifferent​ @girl-next-door-writes​ @fanaticfanfiction​ @dakotapaigelove​ @sassy-spn-knight-of-hell​

[tiny-cloud-dragon]

Random Bits: FF7 03

I’m actually not sure I’ve already posted this here or not, so I’ going to post it (possibly again)

[Setting - Cloud finally finds out what gets under Zack’s skin.]

[Location - the streets of Midgar Edge - noon.]

A disembodied Angeal Head floated across the velvety black screen of Cloud's memory, bouncing slowly in random directions like the ghost of an old Windows Logo screensaver. 

"Go take a walk!" it commanded with each ricochet.

It was joined by a Zack Head, which also began bouncing randomly around and repeating "No, don't eat him!"

Cloud scowled to himself as the memory flickered unbidden across the backs of his eyelids.

*woowoowooscenetransitionwoowoowoo*

1st Class SOLDIER Timothy Titsworth burst into the conference room with the force of an angry soccer mom who has just found out her little angel was allowed to watch a PG-13 movie. Known as "Tiddy" (because there was no joining an army without acquiring some kind of weird, cool, humorous, or downright embarrassing nickname that you either loved or hated), Timothy showed great promise as a SOLDIER, but he was overly ambitious, and more than a bit egotistical.  

"What the hell, Tiddy!" Angeal barked, rising from his seat at the conference table, where he had been discussing plans for the upcoming Games with Zack, Cloud, and President Rufus Shinra.

"What the hell, indeed, Sir!" Titsworth snarled, saluting as an afterthought. "I want to be assigned to a higher level training mission-!"

"No." Cloud said firmly as Angeal apologized to Rufus for the interruption. "I already told you that you aren't ready. Get out, now. I am in the middle of a meeting, and you are out of line, Private Tiddy." he continued, deliberately stressing Titsworth's rank as an unspoken reminder of who he was speaking to, and unintentionally making a pun that caused Zack to make a very un-General like snorting sound.

Titsworth looked at Zack like a miffed child hoping that Daddy might say 'yes', even though Mommy  had already said 'no'. 

"General Fair, I-!"

The room was suddenly full of angry dragon. Papers scattered, people made exclamations of surprise, chairs tipped, and someone laughed as Cloud Shifted into his ELIETE form and, with mouth gaping, lunged across the desk at Titsworth. 

Zack jumped on Cloud's long neck, landing just behind his head, and managed to grab the long, whisker/tendril/moustache/feeler thingies trailing from the sides of his snout and hauled on them like reins while shouting "No, don't eat him!"

Massive jaws with long fangs snapped shut inches from Titsworth's face and Cloud goose-honked in pained surprise, pulling his head up and back, twisting it from side to side while backing up as he tried to relieve the sharp pulling on his face feelers.  He Shifted back to his normal shape, leaving Zack sitting in mid-air for the length of an eye blink before gravity caught up with reality and he crashed to the floor.

Zack immediately bounced up and grabbed Cloud by the arm before he could lunge at Titsworth again.

"Go take a walk, "Angeal snapped at Cloud, who was all scowls and hisses. 

"But what about-!" Titsworth began from where he had fetched up against the wall. Like a terrier with a rat, he was not about to let the argument go, out of either a poor sense of self-preservation, or out-right stupidity.

"Shut up, before I tell General Fair to let him go, and we end up having to send your mother an 'In Sympathy for Your Loss' card!" Angeal snapped with that tight-lipped, angry-eyed expression that most teens didn't even have to see to know it was being made. It was an expression that had its own sound. 

Titsworth huffed, but closed his mouth. He remained on the floor, sitting very still as Cloud stormed out of the room. Dragons were like cats. They would go after anything that moved, so it was best not to draw their attention.

*woowoowooscenetransitionwoowoowoo* Cloud shook his head at the memory, causing the Heads to bounce violently around and collide with each other with a double "ouch!" before they faded away. He was only mildly annoyed by now, having walked several blocks, but he couldn't help but feel unjustly put-upon. It wasn't like he'd chosen his ELITE form, and he couldn't help that it would sometimes take over.  It wasn't his fault that dragons had a very simple idea of what constituted 'conflict resolution', and that it mostly involved eating whomever caused the conflict. 

Go take a walk...

Cloud would have rather gone out for a nice long flight. It was much more fun, and relaxing, but it did tend to stir up the city's inhabitants. There was just something about a black winged shadow passing overhead that would send people screaming in panic. Old instincts died hard, and deep in most the primitive part of their brains, people were still just small, soft-bodied squeaky creatures hiding under leaves and flinching at shadows.

He turned a corner and continued walking briskly along the shop lined street, noticing that other pedestrians were trying to avoid him without looking like they were avoiding him. It might have worked, if it had been one or two individuals. There is just nothing subtle about an entire crowd suddenly crossing to the other side of the street.  

Cloud found himself completely alone on the sidewalk. That was fine with him. At least he didn't have to feel like he was in the middle of a school of salmon during their running season. 

The ponderous growl of a heavy engine pulled Cloud from his musings. He paused and turned just in time to watch one of the army's humvees pull up to the curb beside him.

Zack, grinning from ear to ear, leaned toward the open passenger side window and said, in his best Creepy Witch Voice, "Need a ride little girl?"

Cloud hissed at him and resumed walking, forcing Zack to drive slowly along beside him.

"Come on, Spiky! I'm sorry I pulled your face feelers!"

Cloud pointedly ignored him.

"Don't be salty,"

Cloud kept walking.

"Don't be like that-!" Zack steered around a parked car and rolled back along side Cloud. "I'll let you work my stick-shift!"

The offer was met with an icy side eye and frigid silence.

"I'll pay you," Zack venture playfully, with a cheeky grin.

"You can't afford me." Cloud replied curtly.

Zack's grin froze, then shattered into an open mouthed gape as the comment hit him like a cast-iron lightning bolt. The hairs on the back of his neck rose at the feeling that a white-hot icicle had just been fired through his brain.

"I...did...did you...just...?" he stammered, the humvee stalling as he briefly forgot how to drive. Well, I'll be dipped in shit! Now I know how Dr. Hyansen felt! Zack thought after he recovered enough from the unexpected sarcasm that he was able to get the vehicle restarted.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry!" Zack called as he caught up to Cloud and parked. "Just get in, okay? Look," he said, holding up a brown paper bag, "I brought shrimp yum yum sitcks!"

Cloud's eyes were instantly glued to the bag. The scent of shrimp and vegetables in a crispy wrapper covered in toasted sesame seeds hit him straight in the olfactory receptors. He struggled with himself, pushing for Caution, while the dragon part of him drooled all over Common Sense. 

It's obviously a bribe, Cloud warned the dragon.

Shrimp yum yum sticks!

No, he's using food to-!

Shrimp yum yum sticks!

But, listen, he-!

NO! SHRIMP YUM YUM STICKS!

Cloud's stomach growled, and he gave in. As he climbed into the passenger's seat, he had to laugh at himself. Hey little boy, I've got some candy in my van, he thought with a wry snort.

"What are you laughing at?" Zack asked.

"Nothing." Cloud said slightly irritated at how he would do almost anything for those stupid sticks. It was a good thing Zack hadn't brought canned cat food... Cloud snatched the bag from Zack and took a big bite out of one of the sticks while the dragon part of him happily chanted Shrimp, shrimp, shrimp, shrimp, shrimp!

"You can still work my stick-shift if you want," Zack offered jokingly, patting the shift handle. He completely missed the slight tightening around Cloud's eyes, and the tiniest of upward curving at the corners of his mouth. 

"I'll pass," Cloud replied, the words coming out slightly distorted as he shoved another yum yum stick into his mouth. "Your knob is too small."

"Wha-!" Zack all but yelped, a full body cringe slamming down his spine as his body tried to physically force the word 'knob' back out through his ears. 

"The knob," Cloud repeated as Zack cringed again, "It's, too small so it makes your hand hurt on long drives."

Zack shot him a suspicious look, but it merely ricocheted harmlessly off the look of genuine sincerity and yum yum stick crumbs on Cloud's face.

"Maybe I should put in a request for bigger knobs..." Cloud suggested, "Bigger knobs would fit more comfortably in your hand and make them easier to manipulate for longer periods of time, right?"

Zack flinched and Cloud could almost see his brain shudder as it tried to use its own stem to tear out his eardrums.

"Stop it!" Zack snapped.

"Stop what?"

"Saying...'knob',"

"What's wrong with the word 'knob'?" Cloud asked, his eyebrows pinching together in confusion while Zack cringed.

"You saying it. It's just...wrong,"

"I'm saying 'knob' wrong?"

"NO! Just stop saying it!"

"There's nothing wrong with knobs," Cloud chided. "Lot's of things have knobs," he continued while Zack cringed  and flinched along. 

"Like radios. Radios have knobs. And tv's have knobs. Dressers have knobs. Oh, and cabinets have knobs. Beds have knobs, and you can put a knob of butter on your toast. Trees have knobs too, and hands can get knobby, and even people have knobs! My mom had knobs and she said that when I annoyed her I was 'twisting her knobs'...or was that 'pushing her buttons? I forget-!"

"Stop saying 'knob'! Zack wailed, hands clamped protectively over his ears.

"Why are you getting so bent out of shape over the word 'knob'?

Zack bristled at the word, his hair lifting like the hackles of an angry wolf. It was then that he noticed the slight crinkling around Cloud's eyes.

"You dick!" Zack snarled, annoyed. "Play Backwater Dummy with me, will you?" He leaned in close, and with a malicious grin, started wiggling his eyebrows.

Cloud recoiled, Shifting into his half-form and hissing shrimp yum yum stick all over Zack's face as memories of a certain Inspector's rather mobile eyebrows rose up to haunt him like a greasy meal at 3am after six beers. 

Unperturbed by the macerated mist, Zack continued wiggling his eyebrows, laughing evilly, "How do you like that huh? Say 'knob' again, you little turd!" He reached out to playfully poke Cloud. 

Out of pure reflex Cloud bit the offending appendage.

Zack yelped more out of surprise than pain, and snatched his hand away, retreating back to the driver's seat to inspect the damage.

"Not cool, man, you gave me a noodle hand!" He said with a pout, illustrating his grievance by flapping his now numb hand around on the end of his wrist.

"I didn't mean to,"

Zack started using his left hand to rapidly and repetitively smack his right arm against his thigh. 

"You want a rag...or... something?"

Zack paused, eyeing Cloud suspiciously. Almost afraid of the answer, he risked asking "For what?"

"So you won't be walking around the rest of the day wearing that  shrimp facial."

"Oh. Yeah." Zack replied, realizing that the remnants of shrimp yum yum sticks were quietly getting crusty on his skin. He took the napkins Cloud fished out of the crumpled bag  on the floor boards and awkwardly used his left hand to wipe his face.

"How's your hand?" Cloud inquired, a note of guilt hovering in his voice.

"Hanging in there," Zack replied with a lopsided grin.

Cloud signed into his hands in mild irritation at Zack's penchant for making jokes out of everything.He felt Zack patting him on the shoulder. There was something awkward about the gesture that had nothing to do with the current atmosphere. 

Looking up, Cloud saw Zack using his left hand to hold his numb arm up by the elbow and slap the appendage down on his shoulder. He imagined that this was exactly how it felt to be patted by a zombie. Cloud snorted in reluctant amusement and shoved the dead arm off his shoulder. The limp limb bounced off the back of the seat and slithered down the armrest to swing loosely at Zack's side.

Both men stared at the arm mutely until it stopped swinging like a slowly winding down clock pendulum before looking at each other.

Zack arched an eyebrow and said, "What? You like the angle of the dangle?"

Cloud rolled his eyes so hard he almost became the first person to find out what the backs of his own eye sockets looked like.

Zack laughed and started the vehicle.

"What are you doing?" Cloud asked in alarm, "You can't drive like that!"

"Sure I can. I'll drive, and you can work my stick!"

"Move, I'm driving."

"Fine. Killjoy.Want me to shift your stick?" Zack asked as Cloud settled into the driver's seat.

"No thanks, I can do it myself."

"Riiiight!" Zack drawled, doing a single finger gun.

"Do you want two noodle arms? Because that's how you get two noodle arms."

"Okay, okay. It's gone, see?" Zack pretended to chuck the offensive appendage armament behind him. 

"You know, it's a good thing we aren't too far from Base." Cloud said as he pulled out into traffic. 

"Why?"

"My hand won't have time to cramp up because of the--!"

"Don't say it--!"

"Knob."

Zack's distressed cry of "Stop saying 'knob'!" rang in the air before dopplering into silence as they drove away.

End.

[thebeethathums]

Company of Friends

Sam and Dean x Reader (platonic)- One Shot Songfic- Company of Friends-Danny Schmidt

Warnings: Reader is dead and there are feels. No gore but I supposed could be triggering

When I die, let them judge me by my company of friends Let them know me as the footprints that I left upon the sand Let them laugh for all the laughter Let them cry for laughter’s end But when I die, let them judge me by my company of friends The Impala rushed down the road, eager to be far away from the terrible reality. A silence settled over the car like it rarely did- no music blaring from its speakers as Dean put all his focus on the road with a death grip on the wheel and Sam looked out the passenger window with a clenched jaw. In the air that rushed by, Dean swore he heard your laugh the one filled with squealed joy and ground his teeth as he fought back the tears pressing at his eyes. Never again. That laugh was gone and had taken with it the soft melodic giggles and the teasingly purred chuckles. All of it was gone.

Sam suddenly let out a soft, sad chuckle, the noise laced with nostalgia, and Dean responded with a low warning growl, “What?” “Nothing,” he shook his head, “Just remembering.” “Remembering what?” Dean pressed, a hint of hopeful curiosity under the overwhelming grief-fueled anger. “The day we met her.” A soft bittersweet chuckle bubbled up from Dean’s chest as he recalled you standing over a decapitated vampire with an almost giddy grin on your face, calling out a cheerful, “Hiya,” to him and Sam, He’d never told Sam but when you came to free them from their bonds you’d leaned in and purred in his ear, “Shame. I like the look of you all tied up.” His heart had nearly stopped then and there. You’d just patted his cheek with a sly grin and laughed that happy unrestricted laugh. He let out a more solid chuckle and then immediately frowned when he remembered he’d never hear that laugh again. When I die, let them toast to all the things that I believe Let them raise a glass to consciousness And not spill a drop for grief Let the bubbles rise at midnight Let their tongues get light as thieves And when I die, let them toast to all the things that I believe When they couldn’t bear the quiet anymore, Dean pulled off the never-ending trail of asphalt and parked in front of a bar. Neither brother said a word, sliding out of the car and slamming their doors in sync. There was no scolding from Dean for treating his baby roughly, no disappointed look from Sam over Dean’s inevitable drinking, only tense silence as they strode into the bar and claimed a shadowed booth away from the crowd. No beers for the Winchesters tonight. No. It was a hard liquor night. A night to drink until the pain faded and they could remember and then drink some more so they could forget. Dean just stared into the thick golden liquid as if trying to find some hidden message in the bottom of his glass and Sam cleared his throat, “She wouldn’t want us to act like this, Dean.” The older brother nodded, you’d always hated it when they got broody and dark, and then raised his glass with a forced smile that came across as more of grimace, “A toast then- to her life and the times we shared.” “To her,” Sam echoed, raising his glass before both of them drained their glasses with a toss of the head and a flick of a wrist. Quiet again. Sam wondered if the quiet had always been this agonizing or was it just the absence of your cheerful chatter that made it seem that way. In the end, it didn’t matter, he realized, fingering his empty glass as Dean waved for another round, either way, it seemed wrong. A tiny smile curled at the edges of his lips as a memory sprang up in his mind- He and Dean were researching and you’d burst into their room belting Warrant’s Cherry Pie at the top of your lungs. You’d leaped on to one of the beds and pointed at him as you sang, “I scream, you scream- we all scream for her. Don’t even try ‘cause you can’t ignore her.” Dean was quick to join you, jumping up on the bed to dip you down as you kicked a leg towards the ceiling. Sam had been unable to stop a laugh from escaping his lips and later, when you were laying on your stomach next to him, humming the same song, he’d asked you, “Why?” Your answer was simple, delivered with a grin, “I hate silence. It’s boring.” Returning to the present he looked up at his brother, hesitantly venturing in a low voice, “She’d want us to remember the good times…” Dean nodded, ruffling a hand through his hair and then running a thumb over his lips before meeting his brother’s eyes, “Then let’s remember. For her.” I believe in restless hunger I believe in red balloons I believe in private thunder In the end, I do believe Sam started, downing another throat burning swig before clasping his fingers around the empty glass and humming, “Do you remember that time she woke us up early and made us take her to the zoo three states over? ‘I can’t sleep. Too restless,’ she said, yanking you off the bed and throwing your clothes at you. Even hit you in the face with a shoe.” Dean chuckled, a distant look in his eyes, “She never could sit still. Even after I agreed to get ready, she was bouncing all around the room like a sugar-high hummingbird. Then you both made me listen to that British crap the whole car ride there.” “The Beatles aren't crap, Dean. Besides, you loved it.” “She was so happy- singing her heart out and leaning over the back of the front seat. It was hard to be upset,” he defended, cocking his head to the side before giving it a little shake. “We got there and she was out of the car like a bolt of lightning. I had to run to keep up with her and when we finally did, she slapped a red balloon on each of our wrists as she scolded us for being slow. Then she looked up with that grin, tugging on the strings to make sure they were secure…” “ ‘So I’ll never lose you guys,’ “ they quoted in sync. In the end, it had been them that needed to be worried about losing you. Isn’t that always the way. I believe in inspiration I believe in lightning bugs I believe in slow creation In the end, I do believe There was a pause as another round of drinks was procured and Dean shook his head, “She could kick some demon ass in total seriousness one second and then giggle over something so small and seemingly innocent the next. Remember that time in Kansas? We stumbled out of that run down building covered in blood, dead vamps everywhere, and what did she do? She bounced off to chase a damn lightning bug.” Sam let out a soft laugh, “Caught it too. Right in the middle of that field next door.” “The look on her face when she looked up and saw that there were near a hundred more…” “Priceless,” Sam breathed. Dean finished another drink, chuckling, “Her eyes went so wide I thought they were going to pop out of her head...Did she ever tell you what she whispered to that lightning bug before she let it go?” “Nope. You?” “Nah. Every time I asked she just said it had another bigger purpose- another moment in life waiting to be created.” Dean’s gaze focused on the table, the image of you, caked in blood, cradling the small creature in your hands so carefully as your lips trusted it with a secret neither of you would ever share flashing through his mind. You’d seemed so innocent, lifting your arms up to the night sky a moment later to let the little ball of light resume its short life with a soft secretive giggle. A quiet settled over the table as both brother’s eyes glazed over but it was different from the one that had weighed down on them before, their minds taking them on a journey through all the memories that there would never be enough time to share aloud- even if they talked until they were grey and old. I believe in ink on paper I believe in lips on ears I believe what's shared is savored In the end, I do believe Dean’s inner mind played the images like a flickering home movie projected on a tattered sheet, the memories of moments of content and joy amid a life of hardship seeming well loved and worn. He watched you writing a letter, the ink smudging across your fingertips and your tongue peeking out of your mouth as you struggled to keep your handwriting more legible than your normal rapid scrawl. You always loved writing letters when you could and Bobby and Ellen must have hundreds of them- little snippets of history waiting to be made, you claimed. Even he and Sam each had a small stack of letters tucked away in the Impala’s trunk. You wrote one for each of them at least twice a year with the stern instruction not to open them until the date written on the corner of the envelope. You’d made them pinky promise. The image changed and he could almost feel you, your lips brushing against the shell of his ear as you pointed out how you could prank Sam one slow winter morning. You were a ball of energy most of the time but you could always fall into a secretive quiet when you wanted to. Whether it was to plan some greater fun, to seductively purr teasing phrases, or just to preserve the silence for a moment on a hunt, you would drop your voice and bring your lips to his ear, letting the words caress the curve of it like a sweet summer breeze carrying the notes of some harmony from off in the distance. It never failed to send a shiver down his spine. With a soft flicker, his mind brought up you stealing a bite of his pie and then running off before he could retaliate. He’d been so angry at first- no one messed with his pie- but that grin on your face eventually broke him down... that and the fork you threatened to jab into his arm. You always stole just one bite of his pie every time and when he’d finally asked you why you’d responded, “It tastes that much sweeter when you have someone to share it with.” I believe in work on Sundays I believe in raising barns I believe in wasting Mondays In the end, I do believe Sam’s mind fell into a similar state, calling up his own memories of you on his own personal silver screen- his life with you in moments important enough to him that only this medium could do them justice. You pouncing on his bed like a child at Christmas, trying to get him up and moving on, what was supposed to be, a lazy Sunday, took its place on the screen. You stole his blankets, tickled his feet, hit him with a pillow, and finally dragged him limb by limb off the mattress, standing over him once you’d dragged him to the floor. You’d put a hand on your hip and exclaimed, “Come on, you giant moose. Demons don’t laze about on Sunday’s and neither should you.” The next day the situation had been reversed, he and Dean had had to try and talk you into getting out of bed with such little success that it was actually embarrassing. Dean had given in first, having moved to take your blanket and instead found himself pulled on to the bed with you. He was easily persuaded to stay when you snuggled into his side with a sleepy yawn- his own tiredness making it hard to say no. Sam had sighed, “God, Dean, when did you become such a pushover?… Come on, (F/n). What happened to demons don’t laze about and we shouldn’t either?” You’d simply yanked him into the bed with you and Dean, mumbling, “That was Sunday’s. Demons definitely laze about on Monday’s.” I believe in intuition I believe in being wrong I believe in contradiction In the end, I do believe Dean startled when his little brother suddenly wondered, “Do you think she’s watching over us? Where ever she is?” The older Winchester had never been one to believe in an afterlife or heaven- with all the things they saw it just didn’t make sense in his mind- but at this moment, he hoped he was wrong. Something in him felt like just this once he could admit that there was something more, even if it went against everything he believed in. “Yeah, Sammy. I think she is.” I believe in living smitten I believe all hearts will mend I believe our book is written By our company of friendsCompany of Friends-Danny Schmidt

[taeken-my-heart]

Independent Chapter 10

Summary: Your mom calls you stubborn, your friends call you wild, and the boys you’ve left in your wake call you a frigid bitch.  You’ve built a life of independence and you like it that way. Kim Taehyung, however; seems to be able to change your mind.

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Genre: Light fluff, mild angst

Word Count: 4831

“Isn’t the library meant to be quieter?” You mumbled angrily to Sarah as you continued outlining some of your notes from class earlier in the day. You’d been in the library for about an hour by now but there was a couple giggling and kissing two tables over, a study group laughing about their upcoming project, and a guy ruffling through his paper bag dinner at the table next to you. It made for a very distracting experience.

Sarah sighed, sending a glare at the paper bag guy as he sheepishly apologized and put his bag back in his backpack. “That’s what I’ve heard, but honestly it seems like just a rumor these days.”

You pouted in frustration at the kissing couple but they didn’t even look at you, too busy sucking face to notice that they were gross. “Kids these days, no manners, I swear.” You grumbled, highlighting a line about ISO invariance in bubblegum pink.

“You sound like an old lady.” Sarah chuckled.

“Maybe I am,” you griped, “you don’t know me.”

“I mean…I think I know you a little.” Sarah teased and you smirked up at her. Sighing, you sat back in your chair, capping your highlighter and dropping it on the table in favor of rubbing your face tiredly.

“Maybe we should call it a night.” She offered. “Besides, I’m so hungry I’m pretty sure my stomach has started eating itself.”

“Well who’s the one that didn’t bring a snack to the library?” You shrugged. “I did warn you.”

“Um, how dare you? You know I have Anna’s lasagna waiting for me at home. Honestly, a snack would just be disrespectful to that glorious bounty.”

You scoffed, “wow, waxing poetic here. Fine, fine, let’s go. Not like I can get anything done with all the noise and swapping of bodily fluids anyway.”

“Ew,” Sarah frowned, packing her bags and standing, “you make kissing sound so nasty.”

“To be fair, it kind of is.” You shrugged, swinging your backpack over your shoulder and pushing your chair in.

You shivered as you stepped into the evening, the wind whipping through your coat and knit sweater, deep into your bones. “Honestly, if the winter could end, that would be terrific.” You whined and Sarah chuckled.

“I don’t know, there’s something so charming about this time of year. Hot chocolate, sweaters and boots, warm fires, the holidays.”

“Pretty much all of those things are meant to combat the ickyness that is winter, though I am especially appreciative of the hot chocolate so I’ll give you that one.”

Sarah smirked, rolling her eyes. “How gracious of you. Plus, because it’s so cold it gives people a good excuse to partner up, you know, some good old fashioned body heat.”

You scoffed as she rubbed her shoulder against yours and swatted her away. “Calm down, you dirty old man.”

“I resent that comment.”

“You resent all my comments this evening, it seems.”

“Only the dumb ones.” She pouted and you laughed, linking your arm with hers. “So hey, I don’t know if I mentioned it or not but tomorrow Jin may or may not be coming over to hang out with me…and by that I mean Jin is coming over to hang out with me.”

You looked at your friend, stopping suddenly in your tracks and suddenly the two of you were squealing as though you were 17 again. “Oh my gosh, when did this new development happen?”

“Last night we ran into each other in the cafeteria. I was sitting down eating and he asked if he could join and we ended up just talking for hours. I asked if he wanted to come over to watch a movie sometime and things just kind of fell into place.”

“I’m so happy for you.” You smiled as the two of you resumed walking. “Seriously, I could tell you guys were really hitting it off. Well, don’t worry about me, I’ll make myself scarce for the evening. I’ll watch a sappy romcom in my room or go to the library and study.”

“Absolutely not.” She scolded, “You cannot spend your Friday evening by yourself studying or watching Bridget Jones’ Diary. Come on, Y/N, why don’t you call Taehyung and you can hang out? You haven’t seen him in like a week.”

“It’s OK, really. We’re both so busy getting ready for finals, I don’t think either one of us has thought about it.”

Sarah frowned, unlocking the front door to your house and stepping inside. “I’m positive that’s not true. You should text him, see if he has any plans. Don’t spend your Friday night alone, I’m serious.”

“Sure, OK. I’ll try and make some plans. Look, I’m pretty tired, I’m gonna go start getting ready for bed.”

“It’s 8:30.” Sarah frowned down at her watch.

“Nothing wrong with an early night.” You shrugged.

  ~~

The truth was you really just wanted to put on your fuzzy pajamas and watch a movie alone, but Sarah was extremely social and didn’t like to do things alone if she didn’t have to. While you loved your friend, sometimes you just wanted to do something to unwind without the pressures of keeping up conversation.

Besides, episodes of The Rain and a bag of popcorn were calling your name. You’d managed to make it through the entire bag of popcorn and 3 episodes before realizing you needed to go to bed, dreading the regret you’d feel in the morning when you would have to wake up early and curse yourself for staying up too late…again.

  The next morning was sunny and beautiful, albeit cold. You walked quickly, bundling your coat tight around yourself to keep out the wind that was already chaffing your cheeks. You wouldn’t be surprised if you showed up to History as an actual Popsicle.

“Y/N!” Someone shouted from behind you and you paused to look over your shoulder, watching as Taehyung jogged up behind you, hat pulled snuggly over his ears and his jacket zipped to his chin. His cheeks and nose were red from the cold and you were embarrassed to admit that you found it adorable. “Hey.” He smiled breathlessly once he’d reached your side.

“Hey.” You returned, resuming your walk with him directly beside you.

“I haven’t seen you around recently, I think you're ignoring me. I'm very offended." Taehyung pouted and you laughed, rolling your eyes. 

"Finals are coming up, you loser, I'm not ignoring you. I'm just busy."

 Taehyung grinned, bumping your shoulder with his. "I know. I want to hang out, though. Make some time for me? We can watch a movie and just hang out."

 "Sure. How about tonight? We'd have to do it at your place, though. Jin and Sarah are going to be dominating my living room."

 "Yeah, that works great, actually. Most of my roommates will be out so it will be quiet enough for a movie." 

 "Great, so I'll come over around 6 or something?"

 "Yeah, let's aim for 6:30. I can order pizza if you want."

 "Careful now, you may make me fall in love with you with those dangerous words of yours." You laughed and he grinned, wiggling his eyebrows. 

 "That's the goal."

 You cleared your throat awkwardly, “anyway, how have you been?”

 “Good,” he smiled, “just been studying; finishing some papers and presentations. Finished my nightmare 15 page essay last night, actually, so you should definitely congratulate me.”

 “Congratulations,” you laughed.

 “What about you?” Taehyung asked, “Take any good pictures lately?”

 “I always take good pictures.” You scoffed, “but since you asked, yes. I actually went out two nights ago to get some pictures in the park. There was this incredible snow drift right by this clump of trees. The wind was blowing and I was pretty sure my fingers were going to need to be amputated, but the pictures I got were worth it. Kind of like watching magic happen.”

 “I love listening to you talk about pictures.” Taehyung said and you turned to glance at him. “It’s so satisfying hearing you talk about something you’re passionate about. These days I feel like no one really knows what they want anymore but you do.”

 “Well,” you coughed nervously, “I’ve always been like that. I’m the type of person that if I want something, I go out and get it.”

 “I admire that.” He smiled. “I want to be like that someday.”

“You already are!” You insisted, “You act like you’re born for it and you dance like a maniac.”

You could only see half of his face, but the sides of his eyes crinkling was enough to know he appreciated your words and you chuckled.

“So, are you sitting in on this class again?”

“Of course,” Taehyung grinned, “I’ve got to make sure to clear the cobwebs from my memory, got a few people who need some help after class. Pre finals freak outs.”

“Fair enough.”

  After classes you retreated back to your apartment to grab your camera and supplies. You had a portfolio due in your photography class and even though Sarah and Anna had insisted you had more than enough to do the assignment justice, you just really felt like it could use a couple more examples.

It was nearly golden hour and you wanted to take a few shots down by the lake. The park was completely deserted by the time you got there and you had just barely enough time to find a good spot and set up before the light hit its peak. The water had completely frozen over and the bridge had staggeringly beautiful icicles hanging from its edges that made you feel like magic must have occurred; there was no other explanation for the plunging, jagged edges and the dimming light bouncing off the crystal.

You knelt down in the snow, knees sinking into the frozen ground as you tried not to shiver, aiming your lens towards the lake as the mist began to seep across its top and through your bones. Twisting the lens into focus and slowly letting out a breath you began to take pictures.

It was therapeutic, capturing the beauty of the evening, the pristine snow that no one had bothered to disturb in the chill of the winter season. You felt like you’d been let in on some secret that no one else seemed to know about and it was at moments like these that you wondered if you were really willing to expose it.

But the answer was always yes. Your dad had talked about the world like it was a secret he was sharing with you. It was magical, it was beautiful, and it was meant to be seen. You wanted to continue that tradition, even if you couldn’t share it with him.

  After spending 20 more minutes in the snow and waiting until you were positive you would get frost bite if you stayed out any longer, you packed up your supplies and made the trek back to your apartment, taking off all your layers and bundling up in a blanket in the living room with Sarah as she started painting her toes the most obnoxiously bright pink you’d ever seen.

“What time is Jin coming over, again?” You asked, making sure your blanket was stuffed completely under your feet in an effort to become a full-fledged burrito.

“He won’t be here until around 7:30. He has a study group until 7:00 and then he said he’s gonna grab some Chinese takeout and bring it over.”

“Ooo,” you smirked, “romantic.”

“You sure are feisty these days.” She grumbled, zoning in on a spot where the nail polish had run slightly onto her skin.

“When have I ever not been feisty? Let’s be honest.”

“Well anyway.” She waved you away. “Did you make any plans tonight?”

“Yeah, actually I’m gonna watch a movie at Tae’s place so you and Jin can be alone. Dun dun dun!” You sang dramatically and she rolled her eyes at you, smirking. “Don’t you make me regret my decision to give you some freedom, young lady.”

“Wow, mom, thanks for the generosity. I didn’t realize I needed a reminder to ‘be safe.’ We’re not gonna have a birds and the bees talk, are we?”

"Look," you sighed, "all I'm saying is don't do anything I wouldn't do."

 Sarah laughed, "We both know how you are, if I follow that reasoning things will never go anywhere with Jin!"

 "Hey!" you scoffed, incensed, "I'll have you know that I'm sort of, kind of opening up to Taehyung so don't go crowing too loud yet, you wench."

 Chuckling, Sarah pulled her hair up into a bun and put one final stroke of her nail polish to her big toe. "Ok, Ok, calm down. I'll be good tonight. But hey, I could say the same for you. Don't go doing something crazy like kissing the guy. Wouldn't that be a scandal?" 

 You rolled your eyes, "trust me, that's not going to happen."

 Sarah grinned, "You should try it; you might like it."

 You rolled your eyes at your friend when suddenly there was a knock on the door. You looked at Sarah and she frowned, "I don't think that's Jin, he's super early if it is. I don't even have my top coat done!"

 "I'll go check."

 Standing on the other side of the door wasn't Jin, however. Though his hood was up and most of his face was covered by a scarf, you'd known those brown eyes anywhere. Which was horrifying to admit.

 "Taehyung?" You murmured. "What are you doing here?"

 "I'm here to pick you up!" Was his muffled reply. His eyes crinkled together with a smile and you couldn't help but smile back. 

 "Let me just grab my coat." After calling out a quick goodbye to Sarah, you closed the door behind you and started making your way with Taehyung by your side." You really didn't have to pick me up," you blushed. The wind nipped at your cheeks and you pulled your scarf tighter around your neck. 

 "What kind of guy would I be if I didn't? This is a date, after all, I'm not gonna let you walk to meet me at my place. You deserve to be picked up for a date...even if it is just casual hangout style."

 "Oh." You murmured, blushing harder. You blamed the wind. "Well thank you, it is nice to have the company right now."

  Once you reached the safety of his apartment he closed the door behind him and you slid your coat from your shoulders, pulling your scarf off and sitting them on the back of one of the dining room chairs. "It's surprisingly clean in here." You remarked casually, looking around. 

 "Ah yeah, I cleaned a little bit earlier." Taehyung smiled sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. "Anyway, come here, let's choose a movie."

 You both bent down to flip through the case of movies laying on the floor, stopping here and there to ponder over one or the other. "Oh!" He called suddenly, stopping and pointing to one movie in particular. "Have you ever seen this movie?"

 "Amelie?" You queried, pausing, "no, I've never heard of it."

 "It's really good, it's a French movie with subtitles so I don't know if you'd be into that type of thing, but it's a really feel good, warm kind of movie that I think you'd like. Maybe."

 You smiled as he looked down at the movie self-consciously. "I'm gonna take a wild guess and say it's your favorite?"

 He chuckled and nodded, looking back up at you. "What gave it away?" He teased. 

 You shrugged with a smile, "OK, I'm down to watch something new. It better be good though, Mr. Kim, or I'm gonna be disappointed." 

 Taehyung laughed, taking the DVD from the case as you made your way to the couch and waited for him to start the movie. "Well I think it's great. I'll be waiting with baited breath for your opinion once the movie ends."

 Taehyung turned off the living room lights before settling beside you on the couch with a blanket, offering you half and you greedily took it. The evening chill had gone straight to your bones and you still didn't feel like you'd fully thawed out. 

 The movie was rich with beautiful imagery. Set in a beautiful country you yearned to visit and filled with such brilliant colors you were convinced needed to be etched into the film of your camera. 

 The main character was quirky and charming, much like Taehyung and you supposed that's why he liked the film so much. She had a sweet disposition, dark eyes, and she spoke like she was filled to the brim with an innocence you wished you still had. 

 She was relatable, in the loss of a parent. She chose to live her life making others happy when she herself felt so much isolation. It was admirable. She sought to heal by healing others and you sought to heal by locking beauty in photographs meant for only you. 

 A movement at your side caught your eye and you glanced down to find the side of Taehyung's hand against the side of your own and you swore your heart actually leapt into your throat. How long had your fingers been this close? We're you supposed to hold his hand? No, that would be presumptuous, his hand was just sitting there; unassuming. Did you even want to hold his hand? Maybe. Probably. Yes. 

 But no! Oh no, that was too much pressure and the thought made you feel a little bit sick...but not necessarily bad sick. Were those butterflies in your stomach? At this point you weren't even watching the movie anymore, just having a silent panic attack over basically nothing. What was wrong with you? A boys hand is slightly close to yours and you have a mental break down. 

 This was extremely embarrassing. Thank the high heavens Taehyung wasn't privy to your thoughts; you'd probably drown in a pool of your own sweat and tears. Is this what an existential crisis felt like? This was more stressful than your algebra final last year. 

 In the middle of your own personal crisis you didn't notice at first, the twitching of fingers, the subtle touch until suddenly your heart stilled completely and you held your breath. His finger was most definitely moving against yours. And not in the 'oops, I was just moving my hand' way, but the 'I'm definitely stroking your pinky with my pinky' way.

 Was it possible to die from nervous heart palpitations? You would like to submit yourself for testing because, honestly, this was more anxiety inducing than it really should be. Despite how tense you felt, you were surprised when your fingers grew a mind of their own and started twitching closer to his. 

 His fingers slowly lacing with yours was surprising...but you didn't blow up, so that's good. His hand was warm, but then so was yours. Frankly, yours was probably clammy which made you want to shrivel up in embarrassment, but he said nothing and began to stroke his thumb across the back of your hand. 

 Your mouth was dry. Actually, maybe it wasn't? No, no it definitely was. It was like the Sahara desert in there and you tried not to clear your throat in discomfort. There was no need to draw attention to your predicament. Why were you so bad at this? He was just holding your hand! People did this all the time, even with just friends...though this felt a lot less "friend" and a lot more "boyfriend," but still. 

 Also, why was your body leaning into his? You blamed it on a draft from the windows, which was bogus because they were well insulated. This was fine, it was all fine. You were a little cold, you needed some body heat. The blanket across your legs wasn't nearly enough. That's really the only thing you could think to explain why your head was now leaning on his shoulder. 

 You glanced up at him from the corner of your eye. His body said calm but his eyebrows couldn't lie. He was nervous too. It was endearing, actually, to know you weren't the only one a little on edge, although he was probably not a wreck like you were. 

 You tried to pay attention to the movie, really you did, but his hand in yours and the steady breath making is chest rise and fall was distracting. "This is my favorite part." He mumbled softly as the main character invited her romantic interest inside. You couldn't help yourself, glancing up at him instead and he looked down at you in surprise. 

 He was mesmerizing. So handsome it hurt a little. His eyelashes fluttered against his cheeks softly as he blinked down at you and you tried not to bite your lip. That seemed like the wrong thing to do right now. Or maybe it was the right thing? Your brain had stopped working the second his finger had touched yours. 

 A small puff of air hovered on your cheeks, his face only inches from yours when suddenly the dam was broken. His mouth was like fire, his lips, his fingers moving across your cheek, like electricity shooting through live wires. His lips were so soft. Were lips supposed to be that soft? Weren't they supposed to be a little chapped? What kind of Chap Stick did he use? They were so soft.

 The tip of his tongue pressing to the seam of your lips was like a spark and you breathed him in deeply, fingers threading into his dark hair and taking hold of the strands at the back of his neck. He tasted sweet and slightly musky, like a mix of coffee and vanilla. Pulling you straight into his lap, your hips settled against his own, knees firmly planted in the cushions of the sofa as you kissed him with abandon. 

 His fingers were hot, his tongue was hot; his mouth was like fire. You could feel the evidence of his attraction in the seat of his jeans. Your blood was boiling. You were flying way too close to the sun. It was blinding you. It's too much, too much, too much! Suddenly you ripped yourself away, staring at his wide eyes and swollen lips in shock before launching yourself from his lap and racing to your coat. 

 "I'm sorry, I gotta go. I forgot...something, I forgot. I gotta go." You fumbled awkwardly with your coat and charged at the front door, giving one final look at the way Taehyung's expression shuddered from confusion to hurt before flinging yourself out the door and back into the night.

 You ran home blindly, lungs burning from the strain of breathing in the mid-winter air. Barreling through the door you found Jin and Sarah sitting on the couch talking and they looked up at you in surprise.

 "Y/N." Sarah said and you grabbed her arm, pulling her towards her bedroom. 

 "I need to talk to you real quick." You spluttered. 

 Once the two of you were safely behind closed doors Sarah looked at you, hands coming to hold your shoulders and eyebrows furrowing. "What's wrong? What happened?"

 "I-we-oh my gosh, it's just too much. I can't- I don't even know how to process anything."

 "Slow down, start at the beginning."

 Taking a deep breath you held your face in your hands and pushed the words as fast as you could through your lips. "We were watching a movie, right? Some French movie with subtitles that was honestly very Taehyung and it was beautiful and I was super invested and then suddenly we were holding hands and the movie was starting to get kind of romantic and then all of a sudden we were making out and I was in his lap and I got so freaked out, I didn't know what to do so I-"

 “Wait, he kissed you?” Sarah squealed and you frowned.

 “Yes.”

 "But then you left and came here?!" Sarah gasped. You bit your bottom lip, nodding and staring down at the carpet. "Oh my gosh, why? If Jin kissed me and then ran out I’d be devastated. Y/N, I know this kind of stuff is hard for you and I’m really proud of you for opening up and being willing to try, but this is not the right way to handle something that scares you. He’s probably really confused and hurt.”

 "I didn't know what to do." You whispered, your heart shriveling in shame. You hadn't really thought about how he'd feel in the moment, you'd felt so overwhelmed and just reacted. 

 "You need to go back and talk to him. If he's a good guy he'll respect your desire to move a little slower, but running out on him was really not the right way to handle that situation. I can't believe you just ran out." She frowned and you wanted to cry. Why couldn't you just be like everyone else, why did you always have to shut people out?

 You really did like, Taehyung, too. Were you just on a bullet train to watching this whole thing with him crash and burn? Why couldn't you just be normal?

 "OK," you murmured, "you're right. I'll go back and talk to him." 

 Sarah pulled you into a hug, "I love you, hun, I hope you remember that. I'm sorry if I made you feel bad or anything, I was just really shocked. I think talking to him is the best thing to do right now. Even if you end up breaking things off with him, at least he'll know where he stands." 

 You shook your head, tears welling behind your eyes, "I don't want to break things off with him." You whispered, "I just feel confused." 

 "Well, go tell him what's on your mind. He might be able to help clear up any confusion."

  You shivered, stepping back into the brisk night air, pulling your gloves and coat tighter around you and moving quickly towards Taehyung's apartment. This was a conversation you felt like you’d been dreading your whole life. What good was it building walls if someone knew how to climb them? 

 Knocking on the door with frost bitten knuckles, you waited apprehensively. There was a moment in time that you genuinely contemplated running, this was so far from what you wanted to be doing right now; but you steeled your nervous and waited.

 The door opened slowly, Taehyung looking out at you carefully. “Hey,” you murmured, “can I come in?”

 He didn’t say anything for a moment and you thought he might tell you to buzz the hell right off, but then he was opening the door a little wider with a quiet, “sure” to greet you. Stepping back into the kitchen you noticed he’d turned the living room lights back on and the TV had been switched off, but everything else was the same as you’d left it 20 minutes ago.

 “Did you want to sit down or something?” He asked gently and you shook your head, turning to look at him.

 “Actually, I want to apologize. I’m so sorry I just…you know, ran out like that. I got really overwhelmed and went into panic mode.”

 “Oh.” He mumbled.

 “I told you that I’m willing to try and I am, that hasn’t changed,” you replied carefully, “but I need to move a little slower. I’m a really nervous person about this sort of thing and I’m just not ready yet.”

 Taehyung sat down at the kitchen table, hands twisting together as he focused his eyes down on the table cloth. “I understand,” he replied, looking up at you, “I’m sorry if I took things too far tonight, I didn’t even think about it, it just felt like we were having a moment, but I should have thought about how you felt.”

 You sighed, coming to sit beside him at the table, hands still bunched in your coat pockets. “We were having a moment.” You admitted softly, “But I’m not good at these sorts of things. I’ve put up walls to protect myself for a really long time and I’m not really sure how to take them down. I just need a little time.”

“Ok,” Taehyung smiled softly, “I can give you time.”

“Thank you.” You smiled. “You know, we never ordered that pizza.”

He chuckled softly, standing up to grab a menu from the fridge door and dropping it onto the table in front of you. “Take your pick, I’m pretty happy with anything.”

The rest of the evening was spent with a stuffed crust margarita and comfortable conversation, enough to lull you back into a quiet sense of security before he dropped you back off at your house with a quick hug and a good night.  

…but sleep would not be coming easy tonight.

 I’m so sorry this took me so long to update! I was in the process of moving and then I got so unbelievably busy along with being in a slump and things started off REALLY rough at my job but it’s finally here. I hope it was worth the wait and that the angst isn’t too bad, haha. I’m a poor judge of how angsty something is, truly. As always, please let me know what you think!

Chapter 9

Chapter 11

Copyright © 2017  by taeken-my-heart (Nora.) All rights reserved.

[idthellyeah-blog]

“Quiltheads” by Bill Latham

(In May 2017 my good friend Bill  Latham passed away. It knocked me on my ass and put me in a spiral for a few years. Bill was a legend, in every way possible. We'd been friends since playing in bands together at The Cog Factory and had some wild misadventures later in life. He was the dude I would call when things were grim. He headbutted a bro dude at a bar once and rode another dude down a flight of stairs like a sled. Legend. I hate that we grew apart, but that's what happens with most friends. I was left with messages between each other trying to eventually meet up in Austin and a very old email of a sketch idea Bill wrote. Here it is in its entirety. I hope to someday make it a real thing. Miss you Bill.)

QUILTHEADS

A script

by Bill Latham

[Scene 1]

[Camera fades in on a dusty, country 2 lane highway.  The sky is red with the dawn of early morning. The trees along the road are green and full]

["Sugar Magnolia" by the Grateful Dead fades into the scene as a beat up VW Microbus rolls down the road.]

[The camera hovers over the VW Microbus as it rolls down the country road past farm houses.]

[Slowly the camera passes over the bus and the shot cuts to a front view directly facing the driver and front seat passenger.  The people are both quite visibly old hippies with long hair, beards, beads, rose tinted shades, and buckskins.]

[The camera cuts to an inside view of the van.  The driver [GRIZZLY] is smoking a joint and tapping with one hand on the steering wheel.  The woman in the passenger seat [HALO] is cross stitching something.]

["Sugar Magnolia" fades out slowly]

[The camera cuts between side shots of GRIZZLY and HALO as though the camera were looking from the listener's point of view in the conversation.]

GRIZZLY

We need to stop for gas, babe.

HALO

How much do we have left?

GRIZZLY

Less than a quarter tank.

[HALO begins to put her cross stitch work into a tote bag.]

HALO

I'll check the map and see what town's next.

[HALO unfolds a well worn map.  She studies it very quietly for a moment.  GRIZZLY hands her the joint and she takes deep toke off of it, holds her breath, exhales, passes it back to him, and resumes looking over the map.]

HALO

Where are we anyway, man?

GRIZZLY

In the van, babe. In the van.

[They camera cuts to a view of a green road sign showing several different towns and distances.]

HALO

Looks like we have five miles 'til Arbor Junction.

[GRIZZLY inhales the last bit of the joint and places the roach in the Microbus' ashtray along with several others.]

GRIZZLY

Arbor Junction it is, babe.

[Grizzly scratches his beard and thinks to himself for a bit.]

GRIZZLY

Where are we catching the Quilt at again?

[The camera cuts to an outside view of the VW Microbus as it continues down the road.]

[The Highway scene fades out.]

[End scene]

[Queue the Jimi Hendrix version of "All Along the Watchtower"]

[Title sequence and credits for the movie begin as "QUILTHEADS" fades into the shot]

[credits, etc.]

[Scene 2]

[The camera cuts into a very tidy and orderly looking office.]

[Text appears on screen: Grand Forks, North Dakota]

[The camera pans around the room revealing several bookshelves full of encyclopedic looking books, potted plants, and a large embroidered, psychedelic square on the wall in black matted frame.]

[The camera pans to a door and a man in a blazer, slacks, with a well trimmed beard enters the room.]

[Text appears on screen: John Naughton, Professor of Historical Studies, University of North Dakota]

[PROFESSOR NAUGHTON reaches toward the camera and shakes the hand of the off screen INTERVIEWER.]

INTERVIEWER

Thank you for meeting with us today Professor Naughton.

[The camera maintains a focus on PROFESSOR NAUGHTON at all times and never shows the INTERVIEWER.]

PROFESSOR NAUGHTON

It's my pleasure.  Now what can I do for you?

INTERVIEWER

Well, as I said on the telephone yesterday, I was looking for someone to give us some background on the AIDS quilt and the people who follow it around the country.

[PROFESSOR NAUGHTON looks outwardly, very stern, but manages an amused smile.]

PROFESSOR NAUGHTON

Oh you mean the Quiltheads?

INTERVIEWER

Yes, the Quiltheads.

[PROFESSOR NAUGHTON chuckles to himself a little bit and regains his composure.]

PROFESSOR NAUGHTON

We'd better have a seat then.

[PROFESSOR NAUGHTON walks towards his desk and takes a seat.   He clears some papers aside and places them in a drawer.  He reaches under the desk and pulls out a bottle of Wild Turkey Whiskey and sets it down in view of the camera.  He picks up the telephone at his desk and hits a number.]

PROFESSOR NAUGHTON

Send in two glasses of ice, Irene.  Thank you.

[The camera stays focused on PROFESSOR NAUGHTON as he sits and waits without saying anything.  The interviewer is silent as well.]

PROFESSOR NAUGHTON

I'm sorry for the delay.

[There is a knock on the office door and the camera pans towards it.  IRENE the secretary enters the room with two glasses full of ice and the camera follows her as she sets them down on PROFESSOR NAUGHTON's desk.]

[The camera pans back to PROFESSOR NAUGHTON]

PROFESSOR NAUGHTON

Thank you, Irene.

[The camera follows Irene as she leaves the room and closes the door and then pans back to PROFESSOR NAUGHTON who is now pouring the Wild Turkey into the two glasses.  He hands one to the INTERVIEWER and they clink glasses.]

PROFESSOR NAUGHTON

Ah, Kentucky...now where were we?

[PROFESSOR NAUGHTON sips on his whiskey as the interview begins.]

INTERVIEWER

First off, what can you tell us about the AIDS quilt.

PROFESSOR NAUGHTON

The AIDS quilt is a memorial for people who have died of AIDS related causes.  It began in 1987 and has continued for over 20 years now.  It's the largest community art project in the entire world.  The panels in the quilt are sized at 3 by 6 feet, to represent the standard size of a human grave. The panels are grouped into 12 by 12 feet sections called Blocks.  Usually there about 8 panels in one block.

INTERVIEWER

And why is this?

PROFESSOR NAUGHTON

Well, when the project began, many funeral homes would not handle the bodies of deceased AIDS patients and many were cremated rather than buried.  The project represents a graveyard in the form of a patchwork quilt, but without the morbidity of a graveyard as it is a celebration of the lives of people who have died from AIDS.  Currently there are 44,000 reported panels.  The quilt itself weighs over 54 tons.

INTERVIEWER

That's fascinating.  Now, what subcultural groups have been involved with the quilt in the past?

PROFESSOR NAUGHTON

Well, there have always been a wide variety of folks involved with this project.  I mean, what else can you really expect from a disease that can affect every human being regardless of race, gender, economic status, or sexual preference?  Honestly, when you have a disease that affects everyone, you see a sampling of literally everyone represented.

INTERVIEWER

So, why Quiltheads?  What makes the Quiltheads different?

[PROFESSOR NAUGHTON has a deeply concerned looking stare.]

PROFESSOR NAUGHTON

I'm trying to find a polite way to say this...

INTERVIEWER

Feel free to take your time.

[PROFESSOR NAUGHTON scratches his chin]

PROFESSOR NAUGHTON

It's clearly a sensitive issue and I don't want to appear callous and I don't wish to generalize...

INTERVIEWER

...but?

PROFESSOR NAUGHTON

Well, Quiltheads tend not to, well...

[PROFESSOR NAUGHTON struggles for the words and sips his whiskey.]

PROFESSOR NAUGHTON

...it's just, they don't...

[PROFESSOR NAUGHTON stares above and sort of beyond the frame of the camera.]

PROFESSOR NAUGHTON

...they usually don't have AIDS or much association with anyone who does.  They aren't coming out to see the AIDS quilt in support of anything.  In fact, many of them that I have met may not even be aware what AIDS actually even is.  This may be for the best as they would probably describe it as "a bummer" or "harshing their mellow".

[PROFESSOR NAUGHTON finishes the whiskey glass in a gulp and begins to pour another.]

INTERVIEWER

[long pause]...How can they have missed out on that information?

PROFESSOR NAUGHTON

Well, as I understand it, up until 1995 the vast majority of Quiltheads spent their summers following the Grateful Dead around on tour as many of them had been doing since the 1960's.  As you can imagine, these people have consumed massive- and I say that in the way that the universe is massive- massive amounts of lysergic acid diethylamide.  I mean, they've been dosing themselves for years with LSD.  That's bound to effect perception of reality quite a bit.  Now, I understand that was exactly what many of them were going for, but there comes a point where everything has become so disconnected from reality for these people- the disconnect is so great- they're utterly divorced from reality... they...they...oh Christ...I can't believe I'm even letting you interview me about this.

[PROFESSOR NAUGHTON takes a giant gulp from the whiskey glass.]

INTERVIEWER

And I thank you very much for doing so, sir.  Your assistance has been greatly appreciated.

PROFESSOR NAUGHTON

What I'm trying to say is that the Quiltheads are an anomaly unto themselves.  In 1995 Jerry Garcia died and these people were left with a large gap in their lives.  Many of them began asking themselves who or what they would follow around from city to city next?  Some of them happened across a viewing of the AIDS quilt while loaded on acid and then found out it was a touring exhibition.  Suddenly, they had a new purpose in life.  They had a new experience.  They had something else to follow around the country that would allow them to peddle shoddily made Hippy crap in the parking lots of every civic center and arena from the Atlantic to the Pacific.  And ever since they've continued to grow.

INTERVIEWER

Thank you very much Professor Naughton.

[Professor Naughton nods and begins to pour another drink.]

[Scene ends and fades to black]

[Scene 3]

[Segue to "Teach Your Children Well" by Crosby, Stills, & Nash]

[Camera fades in at a mom and pop diner in dusty little country town.  GRIZZLY and HALO's VW Microbus is parked outside.]

[The camera zooms in towards the door and follows it's way past diners, waitresses, and tables to the dining couple.]

[The camera frames GRIZZLY and HALO from a side view allowing us to see them as they face each other.]

[They munch away on plates of food without saying anything.]

[The camera time lapses while they eat.  A waitress walks in and out of the frame.  Several diners walk past them.  Finally they pay the waiter and get up and leave.  The shot fades to black and the music goes silent.]

[end scene]

[Scene 4]

[Camera fades in at a craft table in a crowded parking lot.]

[Queue "Gimme Shelter" by the Rolling Stones]

[The camera pans across the tables' wares revealing hackey sacks, dream catchers, small glass marijuana pipers, beanies, and hemp necklaces.]

[The camera cuts across different scenes in the parking lot: hippies playing hackey sack, families walking together towards the civic center, elderly folks, gay rights banners, extremist christian protesters, etc.]

[The camera cuts back to the craft table in the parking lot where a man is standing at work]

[Text appears on screen: Denver, Colorado]

[The camera pans up to the man selling the products, an old acidhead Hippy with a scraggly beard, wearing a dye tyed  t-shirt.]

[Text appears on screen: Benjamin "Wolfy" Johnson, Salesman]

[The camera zooms in on a sale that WOLFY is making. An old woman hands him a twenty dollar bill and he passes her back a hemp necklace.]

WOLFY

Peace, man.

[Wolfy flashes her a peace sign.]

[The old woman smiles and walks out of frame.]

["Gimme Shelter" fades out.]

INTERVIEWER

We're here in Denver, Colorado with a peddler of small trinkets that calls himself Wolfy outside of an AIDS Quilt viewing.  Wolfy sells handmade items in the parking lot at these displays and follows the AIDS Quilt all over the country.  Wolfy, when did you first discover the Quilt?

[Camera zooms in on WOLFY. His eyes are very glassy and his pupils very dilated.  He looks stoned out of his mind.]

WOLFY

It musta been about...I dunno...'96, '97... everything was kind of a blur after Jerry died, man. I was wanderin' around DC one afternoon and I'd just taken a few hits of this Batman blotter acid...I'm from Baltimore originally and I was hanging out in DC a lot in those days...

[The camera stays focused on WOLFY who is not particularly focused on much of anything.  His eyes wander when he isn't speaking and he plays with his hands and fidgets like a scared child.]

INTERVIEWER

In 1996, Washington, DC hosted the largest display of the AIDS Quilt on record at the Capitol Mall.  Is this the display you saw Wolfy?

[WOLFY's attention returns to the camera and he looks directly into the shot.]

 WOLFY

Whoa?! Far out! I was at the biggest display?

[WOLFY is once again distracted.]

INTERVIEWER

Well, I can't necessarily say for certain, Wolfy...

[WOLFY resumes his stare into the camera.]

WOLFY

Duuuuude... yeah, it was outside.  I remember seeing the Washington Monument and thought I needed to stop and worship it...I was pretty zonked dude...I'd taken a few hits of this Batman blotter acid...and see, I'm from Baltimore originally, but I was hanging around in DC a lot in those days...

[WOLFY is still staring at the camera and talking as he interrupted.]

INTERVIEWER

Uh, yes- you already told us that, Wolfy.  Now, about the Quilt-

[WOLFY holds his stare into the camera and looks visibly excited.]

WOLFY

Well, dude, the Quilt totally blew my mind.  I still don't even really understand what it's all about.  But if I drop a few hits of acid or eat a fistful of mushrooms, I can walk around staring at it all day long.  Sometimes you see the most fucked up things and sometimes you see things that make you feel so sappy you want to cry because your heart feels so moved.  It's insane dude!!!  Ever since that afternoon I understood that I was meant to follow the Quilt around.  I started selling merch in the parking lots for gas money & food to keep up with it.  I've been on the road following the Quilt now since '98.

[WOLFY begins to stare off camera again.

INTERVIEWER

And you have friends who do this too, correct?

WOLFY

Oh yeah, man.  We live for the Quilt.  The Quilt is like God for us, man.  When we look into the Quilt we see things that we never thought we'd see in our entire lives.  It's a really positive experience over all, man.  I love the Quilt.

INTERVIEWER

Wolfy, do you know what the Quilt represents?

WOLFY

It represents a lot of things man.  Each one of those panels is different.

INTERVIEWER

Well, yes, that's true, but what I was asking about- just a little more specifically was "do you know what the Quilt is a memorial for?"

WOLFY

Well...I'd say people.  Yeah, it's definitely about people, man.

INTERVIEWER

...And there's something that all of those people have in common, right Wolfy?

WOLFY

Everybody's got something in common, man.  I heard Keith Richards say once that "blood is red and bones is white".

INTERVIEWER

...And while I agree that's an interesting point, Wolfy, I'm kind of asking you what we reporters call a "leading question"...

WOLFY

You lead and I'll follow, man.  I think I get it.

INTERVIEWER

[with growing agitation in his voice]

What kind of people are being memorialized, Wolfy?

WOLFY

It seems to be about everybody, man.  I can dig that.

INTERVIEWER

[Explosively]

Do you even know what a Memorial is for??!

WOLFY

For remembering, man.  For remembering.

[Camera follows WOLFY back to his craft table as someone hands him money.]

[The camera pans from the view of the table to a view of the grass as though the camera man has tossed it in a fit of irritation.]

INTERVIEWER

Goddamnit!

[The shot fades to black.]

[End scene]

[Queue "Brokedown Palace" by the Grateful Dead]

[The camera fades in on the side of the two lane highway that we have been following HALO and GRIZZLY down.]

[Their VW microbus is pulled over on the side of the road and the front driver side tire is clearly flat.  There is a jack propping the vehicle up.  GRIZZLY is busily working at the lugnuts with a tire iron while HALO sort of dances to a song that no one else can hear.]

[The camera zooms in on GRIZZLY who continues to turn away on a lugnut.]

[He stops turning the tire iron for a moment and looks over to HALO.]

GRIZZLY

Hey, babe, it's "righty-tighty-lefty-loosey" right?

[The camera pans to HALO who turns to him still sort of dancing.]

HALO

Yeah, man.  "Righty-tighty-lefty-loosey" it is.

[The camera cuts back to GRIZZLY.]

GRIZZLY

Oh good.  I was gettin' worried there for a minute.

[GRIZZLY successfully removes one lug nut and holds it up in front of his face a little bit and then peers through the hole in the center.  He sets the tire iron down and stands up.  He stretches his arms out and opens the driver side door of the microbus. Seconds later he emerges from the microbus with a joint and sparks it up.  He holds the lugnut back up towards his eye and looks through it and then takes another toke.

[The camera pans to HALO.]

[HALO dances over towards GRIZZLY and the camera follows. She takes the joint away from him and takes a couple of puffs herself.]

HALO

Hey man, you've only gotten one of those lugnuts off that tire!  You still got 3 more to go and then you gotta put all of 'em back on before it's time to party!

[GRIZZLY smiles sheepishly.]

[He gets back down on the ground, picks the tire iron up and gets back to work.]

[Halo sits down beside him on the road and continues to smoke the joint.]

HALO

What do you think the Quilt's gonna be like tomorrow?

[GRIZZLY removes another lugnut.  He sets it down on the side of the road next to the first one.  He begins to remove a third.]

GRIZZLY

We haven't caught it in a couple weeks, Babe.  I expect it to be pretty intense.  Where are we catching it at anyway?

[HALO thinks for a moment and her stare is intense.  A smile creeps across her face as she remembers.]

HALO

Omaha, Nebraska, man.  At some auditorium.

[GRIZZLY continues to unfasten the lugnut.]

GRIZZLY

Far out, man!  I wonder if Omaha's ready for us?

[HALO holds the joint in front of GRIZZLY's mouth so he can take a drag too.]

HALO

I think it's the same place we saw the Dead in '78, man.

[GRIZZLY stops.  He drops the tire iron.  His eyes are wide with excitement.]

GRIZZLY

WHOOOOOOOA! Far out, babe!  It'll be like...what's that word...synchronicity!