#blugh talks
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Just popping in to say I’m doing great! I moved. Started school. Made friends. Got into some new hobbies.
Thank you to everyone who has expressed worries/well wishes/general sweet things in my inbox. 💕💕💕💕
I’m not sure when I’ll come back, but know that I’m doing really good in the meanwhile! Love you all ~ toodles
#im talking like i recovered from trauma LOL#<ive moved on from my yandere blog..... im free>#no/// like im fine. just busy#i may drop some hcs from time to time#but i find myself too busy for writing most months#however im two yrs deep and i still think about damian every day#sigh#but yeah! I miss you all. <3#blugh talks
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might I remind everyone that, in Plato’s Symposium, Phaedrus argued that not only were Achilles and Patroclus lovers, but that Achilles was the bottom and Patroclus the top
i really believe that discussing the character with someone who shares ur interpretation is the closest u can get to modern day philosophy. we are like plato and aristotle but talking about a fictional guys trauma
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oughghghhghghhhhhgh (vent)
#I've literally had an anxiety attack nearly everyday this month#I've been so spacey#I've had two major meltdowns (this past Monday and last Monday)#i am like! deeply not okay!!#i dont really wanna talk about it with anyone or be comforted about it directly just.#blugh. i had to email my therapist for a bonus session next week ):#i am like. so deeply Not okay. i really did not need this info. i really wish it would've been tempered in the Slightest#months old pain that i Made the Decision to not mess with BC IT WAS COMPLICATED THEN!!!!!! now just shoved in my face like nothing😝#^^^^^^ will not explain this do not ask#shame and confusion i chose to accept not having a perfect answer/closure for ripped out and theres a gaping hole where that healing was#oh gd i am sobbing in the work bathroom#just a couple of days hopefully before i can see therapist and tlak thru thid#i want to hide and be left alone until then so bad ;~;
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My commonly spoken of pain is how hard it feels like it is to find good HS servers to join, esp 18+ ones. Like I'm of the mind that it would be so nice to have more buddies to talk abt HS casually with (and like, game I guess. Fun things), but entering most servers feels like stepping into a minefield for. A plethora of reasons hdkshdks
#talk tag#idk it's an agonizing biproduct of tumblr where it feels like it just isnt rly suited for actually conversing or whatever#and an unfortunate biproduct of MY BRAIN is that i enjoy bouncing off of people more than i like just airing my thoughts out in a post#but discussion oriented servers always tend to feel more argumentative and like. hater-brained than what personally grips me#and i do like servers that have a casual element to them too! which most of these are notably lacking!#blugh. oh to meet people with my interests#id just make my own server (bc thats like. the easiest way to make a space thats actually fun to me)#but hrm even if it realistically wouldnt be that big i dont have the timeeee#besides im sure there's tons of servers out there and im just bad at looking for them. but blugh. i perish
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Normal, Sparrow, and something about heroes
EDIT: Raised the "read more" cause tumblr wants to make self-rbs a nightmare smh smh
Y'all it's so difficult to write ANYTHING lol fuck... But yeah yeah definitely got some post ep. 30 thoughts. Do need to start with some explanations/clarifications on my general stance regarding Normal which is mostly for the mutuals LOL and they know that so if things appear to lack a bit of context on that front well that's why.
There are some things regarding Norm where I lowkey almost don't want to say anything because I'm sooooo wishy washy myself ahahaha and I feel like I'm definitely gonna end up writing some stuff here and be like "ehhhhhh" later on but what can you do what can you do.
I guess I can at least start by saying that when I say that like, Norm can be self-centered, or prideful, or something to that effect, I am *definitely* not trying to say like "this negates Norm's compassion" or that like, Norm needs to be made to feel bad about that? I hope I'll be able to explain what I mean properly here but, a lot of my feelings regarding Norm's more negative traits do genuinely come from a place of concern for him??
Yes I think Norm can be self-centered, yes I think it comes from a place of loneliness and insecurity, yes I think it bleeds into his actions in a way that can negatively impact both himself and those around him, and yes I think that all of these things make him very very VERY similar to Scary... Is my general stance atm but let me, let me *try* to explain what all that means for me LOL.
I think Norm is a good person. I don't think he's *the most* empathetic or selfless or kind character we've seen in the show, but I also don't think he needs to be, or ever will need to be. He has a good heart (all the teens do, yes that includes Scary, fight me), he *does* care about other people very much, and like the other teens his frustrations are valid and generally pretty justified!
But I think Norm is someone who, perhaps pretty fundamentally, requires a pretty high level of external validation and social acceptance to feel loved, has generally gone most of his life not having that need met outside of his immediate family, and is pretty all-or-nothing and rejection-sensitive when it comes to this validation. I don't think Norm is a bad person for any of these traits (at all), even if it can impact his interactions with others negatively at times. No, above all else, these traits lead me to feel quite concerned and altogether just kinda sad for Norm.
And that's where things get a bit messy. On the one hand, Norm *is* a kind person, with good intentions, and even when I feel most frustrated with his actions, I don't take them as coming from a place of malice or ill-intent. But Norm wants to feel loved so bad, and his conditions for feeling loved (as aforementioned) are very difficult to meet, so, yes, (I do personally feel that) Norm often does, largely without knowing, prioritize this endless search for validation over other things, and having this at the forefront of his mind so frequently does inhibit his ability to truly connect with the people around him and (in many cases) actually *empathize* with them.
The difference- the difference for me between Normal and Linc with regards to Scary isn't whether or not they *care* about Scary. Even if it's a bit old now, I didn't write a whole thing on Normal/Scary and Sparrow/Lark parallels because I don't think Norm cares about Scary. Normal has *absolutely* put a tremendous amount of effort into trying to keep Scary around, to disappointing results that are justifiably frustrating for him. Normal and Linc both care about Scary, the difference for me, and what I just find so spectacular about Linc compared to all the other teens here, is that Linc goes *beyond* himself when he breaks the pic. He's not the first person to care about or try to help Scary, he's just the first person to do so in the way that she actually needs- because his general selflessness allows him to be the first person to actually *understand* Scary. He's not the first person to feel *for* her, he's the first person to feel *with* her. That is... Well I guess that is also to say that when I use the word "empathy" I mean it fairly precisely.
Which also isn't... I'm not trying to knock Normal (or Taylor) in saying this btw. The teens ALL have their strengths and weaknesses, and this was simply a moment that brought out one for Linc and another for Norm (vice versa can has and will be true at other points in time). Normal not being able to do what Linc did here is not something I'm trying to hold against him. With regards to their argument, I genuinely think that they both have plenty of reason to be upset, and ultimately it's all just one big misunderstanding. Still, I do personally think that much of why Norm is so upset with Linc in this scene has not so much to do with Scary nor with the Doodler- but is in fact at least in part Norm feeling rejected by Linc (invalidated, unloved, etc.), and acting out accordingly. Additionally, I think these feelings get in the way of Norm actually being able to understand and appreciate why Linc did what he did. They were both hurt, they both lashed out. I'm not trying to gloss over Linc's part in this either, I'm not saying one of them was right and the other was wrong or that one was mean and the other wasn't, but from what I've seen at least it seems people are almost unanimously siding with Norm on this one without much consideration for the points Linc actually makes here, choosing instead to focus solely on what *Linc's* hurt caused him to say (without acknowledging of course that in Linc's case too it comes from a place of hurt), and that much is a bit frustrating for me admittedly.
I wouldn't have expected or wanted Norm to behave any differently in this scene than he did. I think everything about Norm's behavior makes perfect sense for where he's at, and "where he's at", for me, isn't "selfish kid who doesn't care about other people" it's "scared kid who feels rejected and alone". That said, I think if Norm wants to get any better he, like all the teens, needs to start introspecting a bit more and work on himself.
And when I say that, I'm not saying "Norm is prideful and needs to be more humble" I'm saying, Norm needs to get to a place where he can feel loved, and allow himself to be loved, without it being so all or nothing.
Enter Hero!!! The chosen one! I kinda don't get why some people are just seeing this as Anthony trying to bully Norm rather than a very important opportunity for growth!!!
This feels like a point that could be easily misconstrued, so I'll try to be careful? When I say that Hero being the chosen one is an opportunity for Norm to grow as a person, I am NOT saying in becoming more humble or something like that?? Normal's pride isn't his fatal flaw, it's an afterthought of it, a manifestation of it, a defense mechanism vis a vis his fundamental insecurities, if you will.
Normal, as I see him, is convinced that he will only ever be loved, that he will only ever have "solved" love, when he is validated in absolutes. When he is the most popular boy in school who is friends with everybody. When he's the hero of the story. When he's the chosen one. If part of him sees himself as being without flaw (or the best part of teen high or whatever), it's not because he's some arrogant little brat, it's because he can't imagine himself as being lovable unless he is perfect. He isn't selfish for feeling this way, but from an outside view I think it's fairly easy to say that if Normal continues down that path, he's never going to get where he needs to go.
Hero being the chosen one, not Normal, gives Normal an opportunity to learn (or at least start to learn) that his perceived prerequisites for love (of himself) are false. Normal doesn't have to be the hero of the story. He doesn't have to be a hero. He doesn't have to be Hero, it's enough to just be Normal.
Sooooo... I think it's pretty ironic that... Upon learning that Hero is the chosen one.... So many people have jumped the gun and assumed that this means... Sparrow doesn't love Normal.
HAHA THAT'S RIGHT THIS WAS ABOUT SPARROW ALL ALONG YOU THOUGHT I WAS DONE TALKING ABOUT THIS MAN NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER
But seriously, wow, it pains me sometimes how little faith people have in Sparrow. Hero is "the chosen one"... So every single time Sparrow has relayed how much he loves Norm goes down the drain?? At a most basic level folks, your child can be unplanned and still be loved, actually. Some might even say that that's... normal.
But do you get what I'm trying to say here? The assumptions much of the fandom has made about Sparrow and his love exactly reflect the toxic trains of thought that will probably be plaguing Normal's mind and feeding into his insecurities as the whole Hero thing develops?? And these insecurities (and again false prerequisites for love) are exactly what Normal needs help working through???
But let's move away from the Norm side of things a little bit, cause the assumptions being made about Sparrow currently are much more vast than this.
Let's make something clear. We don't know Sparrow's side of the story. We don't know Lark's side of the story. And of course, we don't know Rebecca's side either. We don't know if Rebecca did or didn't know about the prophecy. It seems that at this point in time, the spouses have had their memories erased. *Not necessarily* the case, but I genuinely can't fathom a scenario in which Cassandra somehow doesn't notice that the father of her child is always kind of a little bit on fire- and conspiracy theorist Rebecca to me also might hint at the fact that at some earlier point in time she would have known more about what's going on? But that's purely speculation, obviously.
So why are we suddenly so sure of Sparrow's intentions, feelings, and *role* in bringing Hero into the world?
I... Well I've been reluctant to bring this up even though the notion has been an itch in my mind since yesterday, but eventually you see enough upsetting Sparrow posts that someone needs to step up and offer something new I guess.
So... Allow me to suggest that, Sparrow being against the idea of having a child purely to fulfill a prophecy, and refusing to partake, actually makes *more* sense.
Most especially, if Sparrow was adamantly against going through with such a plan, we now have the most sound and in-character reason so far to explain... Why Lark slept with Rebecca.
(*gasp*)
As I see it anyways! Because, yeah, it's always felt like a weird elephant in the room, and I don't really feel satisfied with the existing theories at all! Someone with as strong as a resolve as Lark sleeps with the wife of the person who means more to him than anyone cause... He was horny? Or maybe as part of some strange convoluted ploy to push Sparrow away? I'm not saying these aren't still valid possibilities, and I'm not saying that this theory I'm proposing is what happened, really it's an assumption based on an assumption, but nevertheless I think it would make a lot of sense honestly.
(More specifically, what I'm suggesting is Sparrow not wanting to go through with the plan, Lark seeing it as a necessary evil to deal with the Doodler- and we know how hellbent Lark is on dealing with the Doodler, and accordingly "doing what needed to be done", as he is one to do, of course at Sparrow and at least in theory Hero's expense.)
This would also make sense of a lot of Sparrow's more extreme behaviors towards Normal, particularly the question of his name. Through this lens, it was perhaps an affront towards Lark (and possibly Rebecca??), an assertion to the effect of "no, you will not do this again, this child will not be doomed to be a hero". This, or something less aggressive but in a similar vein.
Of course this puts Normal and Sparrow at fundamental odds with one another! Er, despite being so very very similar which isn't what this post is about but still... Anyhoo, yes, there is an important conflict at play here, wherein Normal, as we discussed earlier, sees being the hero (the chosen one, what have you) as the only way to solve love, to be loved- and Sparrow who, more than anything else, doesn't want anymore heroes in the family, because he loves his family, and what happened with Henry... Can't happen again.
#Realized I didn't end up talking about Scary as I'd intended but perhaps she deserves her own post#BLUGH OKAY TALK ABOUT A POST THAT WAS WAY WAY WAY LONGER THAN INTENDED#dndads#dungeons and daddies#normal oak#sparrow oak#sparrow oak garcia#normal oak swallows garcia#dndads s2 ep 30#lincoln li wilson#scary marlowe#GONNA POST THIS ONE AND IMMEDIATELY FEEL ANXIOUS OOPS#I FEEL LIKE I ENDED THIS ONE IN A WEIRD SPOT#EGH I HOPE THIS MADE SENSE... MAYBE I'LL DELETE AND REWRITE LATER IDK IDK#lark oak garcia#lark oak#I JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE I CAN GET MY THOUGHTS OUT RIGHT TODAY I FEEL ANXIOUS
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I miss the 6th and 7th console generations....
#I wish I had people to talk about my weird philosophical video game stuff with#I just sound like some kind of weird annoying poser otherwise#blugh
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Someone tell me to draw bc I promised my brother I would draw his dnd guy and now I have 3 days until I leave ://
#have I put this off for months. yes we don't need to talk about that#he's like a little bunny pirate guy and that is cute as hell I just am not comfortable drawing furries but I agreed anyway#bc I wanted to do something nice for him. and then I put it off for way too long blugh#sstfu.txt
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why do rich people have the best locations and the WORST taste in everything else
#watching this show about rich people homes and blugh#they got these amazing locations but the architecture of their homes?? the interior?? ugly#tacky#tasteless#gimme your locations let me live there and put up a pretty functional home instead#tello talks
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Saw a video where people were talking about hating how when talking about adhd and autism neruotypical people brush problems being expressed by talking about how everyone has a little of the two or whatever and im sitting here going-
It sounds familiar but definitely not the same outcome.....
And then I realized and remembered that I was reassured by loved ones that everyone thinks about *insert thing everyone most certainly does not think about especially when they're 10 or 11 years old and the thoughts happen at least a daily basis*
So basically I'm in the slightly opposite situation of many people hearing things like that, because the people telling me were and are mentally ill too but didn't recognize it. Most still won't even if they have the facts in front of them- or a doctor diagnosis.
Idk thought that was funny/interesting and wanted to share lol
#personal#mental illness#mental health#abliesm#neurodivergencies#internalized ableism#tw depression#we all have it in this family with about four or five exceptions#no wonder it took so long to believe that not everyone thought about self deletion#tw suicude#i always thought people were lying out of embarrassment or uncomfortable talking about it#i remember calling bullshit on friends in middle school when they insisted they didn’t think about it#blugh fuck thinking fuck the past fuck the po
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im trying to think about how i would even go about a character intro post similar to what i did for dhaveira for iveani and alric… getting cinematic/clear shots is so much harder in origins and 2 :( maybe i just change the size of the images? side by side rather than one on top of the other. thoughts?
#talking mari#i really just want aesthetic posts dor all my da ocs and im realizing how much veilguard spoiled me for cinematic shots#blugh
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do you guys have any yandere roommate ideas you love reading about ? I’m writing a MMMMM long fic (lmfao) with four poly yanderes and their roommate.
let me know if there’s any disgusting shenanigans you would be interested in seeing
send me anons asks and I’ll compile them in a reblog
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I dunno I just wanted to share I'm very proud of myself today. I managed to get lots of work editing YouTube videos done, did a little art (nothing worth sharing today, just getting ready for something cool coming up) and started really pushing some of my social media stuff for my VTuber.
I've been agoraphobic now since 2021 and I can't really tell you how many times I've started to take streaming seriously because it is all I have and been stopped in my tracks by my crippling depression. I think the last few months have shown me that I do have what it takes to maybe not be huge but to at least have a decent sized community if I can just focus my brain on everything I need to do.
Ionno, wanted to share that before inevitably my depression reminds me I'm useless again and I stop pushing and doing all these things to grow.
#Blugh#Ionno just felt like anytime I talk to my friend about it she just turns the conversation onto her stream#And my best friend doesn't talk to me anymore#And I've fallen in with a drama queen that has made me super anxious recently#This time last week I was gonna give up#Today I felt real proud#But I know no one else cares and just thinks because I sit at home all day I'll get famous for doing nothing#It is like they don't see the hard work just the supposed time I have to do it#When I don't have the mental capabilities to do so#And sometimes I put more work in when I was working 10 hour shifts and sleeping for 4 hours a day then now when I have nothing#Just rambling I guess#Even in the tags
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#blugh#had to delete that post about non-binary people and sexuality because OP seemed a little panphobic#thank you to all the anons that told me to go check#it didn't read as disparaging pan people but in the context of how OP has talked about pan people in the past 😬
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eugh blugh anyway anyway. elias like talks to jon completely differently than he talks to anyone else. if jon is the room he is talking exclusively to jon regardless of how many other people are in the room. if jon is not in the room but there’s a tape recorder running he’s talking to jon. if he thinks jon might have this conversation relayed to him at a later date he’s talking to jon. mag 92 is hysterical because why did you pack this office with as many people as possible for this conversation and then audibly not break eye contact with one specific guy for twenty minutes. well this is because jon is the only person that actually exists to him in this situation. or most situations. elias knows he’s in a podcast but as far as he’s concerned he and jon are the only characters in it and everyone else is set dressing and he gets so cranky about it when the set dressing starts expressing free will. jon is aware that other people exist 95% of the time unless he is actively talking to and/or yelling at elias and then he kind of forgor. mag 102 when elias is like melanie is coming to murder me with a knife for like .25 seconds jon is like the fuck is melanie and then returns to reality and remembers he has a life outside of “weird thing with elias” and is kind of embarrassed. like uh whoops sorry got kind of intense there for a second (elias continues to be kind of intense unabated) (forever)
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[just venting a bit into the void you understand you understand 😌] Lately I've been feeling very caught between "I have a lot of thoughts on Sparrow and Normal and all that with the ending and teen talk and feel like I need to get them out and voice them for my own piece of mind and resolution" and "I am lacking the strength and energy to actually sit down and write it all out and kind of really just want to fully move on to other things (AUs, fics, anything else)" but my brain can't seem to commit to either and that's quite frustrating cause it's just left me very restless. *Sigh*. Idk! Just needed to complain about that a bit ig, it's silly but this is what has been ailing me as of late.
#Then there's also a part of me that's like “does anyone even care at this point? haven't I already talked about them too much?”#but I have seen many a take that irk me...#and perhaps at the center of it all nagging at me is that persistent conflation of love and pride#Less about that in Normal's mind so much as in Will's and the fandom's 🤔#Also that reoccurring issue of the fandom going ''Normal thinks this therefore it is The Truth'' though I believe I've discussed this befor#And... Hooks Will could have grabbed onto but didn't... Quite a few of those...#And the double standard/negativity bias in fandom of ignoring that Sparrow says both that he loves and likes Normal while doodlerized#But not treating those with the same legitimacy we do the pride thing. And ignoring Sparrow's demonstrations of love and change...#And what the love wolf scene actually implies about Sparrow (as I see it) with his own explanation of the pride thing in mind#But also!!! Also on Norm's epilogue and how despite everything taken at face value (i.e. no teen talk influence) I don't actually hate it#and I think it's plenty salvageable#And gah also that like *regardless* of how things turn out with Normal and his dad-#Well I haven't listened to much of the teen talk just the directly Sparrow-relevant clips#so I don't know quite how cynical Will is or isn't about Normal's future#But like. UGH. What I'm trying to say is even if things didn't find resolution vis-a-vis his dad#(which tbh I could go either way on- it's the meta misinterpretations of Sparrow that Bother me not so much Normal's)#(Well that's complicated. Again it comes back to the love vs. pride thing gosh this is so vague of me lol)#With all the positive influences in his life (and just the fact that life is long? and therapy is a thing?) I just don't see Normal-#being Miserable for the rest of his life. Like. I mean I won't elaborate here really but damn it no he can absolutely turn out alright stil#blugh#BUT YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN THAT'S A LOT OF STUFF AND THAT'S ONLY VAGUE RAMBLINGS ABOUT *SOME* OF IT#Like I'm proud of a lot of my essay posts (which I'm hoping to eventually compile in a masterpost eventually actually) but they take a whil#And if my heart wants to do other things... Ah idk...#ANYWAYS a vent to vent a vent to vent
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Slenderman protecting the reader hcs? Please?
Slenderman protecting the reader
i dont know if im just having an off day or not but i feel... blugh... today...rolls around ooough anyways i hope you enjoy this anon :0 notes: reader is gn cws: canon typical violence and death, gore mentions
the second someone even manages to do some level of harm to you hes going to be standing over you in an instant- youre.. kind of under him shielded from your attacker
and youve never seen him so angry- if you werent so in shock from the pain and how fast your partner had arrived you would be scared by how tense everything feels
his tendrils are out in the air and twitching around erratically waiting for when its time for them to strike- and you cant see it from your angle but you can HEAR the sound of his skin ripping open to reveal his jagged mouth
its not a pretty sound. its wet and disgusting, and you dont think youd ever get used to it. you can only be glad that you dont have to hear it often
the sound slenderman makes sounds like a mix between a hiss and a growl, something totally guttural and animalistic
and hes so stiff against you, as firm and tense as the trees surrounding the three of you in his woods
that was your attackers first mistake- chasing you down in the woods, their second mistake was managing to strike you. they dont even get the chance to scream before theyre being attacked
usually he would take his time with those who threaten him and those he holds close but youre hurt and he doesnt want to keep you waiting- what if you were hurt bad enough to die?
youre not, thankfully. he had gotten there before it could get worse but he despises that he was a second too late
you already hardly ever get to leave his sight, even if its not his "eye" in specific but hes really going to amp it up from now on
the people who still talk about the monster in the woods acknowledge that it seems more aggressive than it did before
#creepypasta x reader#creepypasta x you#creepypasta imagine#crp x reader#crp x you#crp imagine#slenderman x reader#slenderman x you#slenderman imagine#canon x reader#canon x you#x reader
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