#its like my brain has beef with me lmao

[faunandfloraas]

Ending my excellent weekend by having the most horrific dream ever 🫰

[neonovember]

Hello! I hope you’ve been doing okay! I saw that you had requests open and I also saw that you take requests for Carmen? If it’s totally okay of course to request for him! I got into the bear a few days ago and my brain has been filled with nothing but thoughts of Carmy. Would it be okay just requesting something that’s just Carmen being worried/concerned about the reader? He just always sees whenever there’s that tiredness to them when it looks like it’s a bad day, that slump in their shoulders that all too much reminds him of him a little sometimes, just bringing them into the office and his eyebrows are furrowed with that look of concern and his eyes the same, maybe unexpectedly just wrapping them in a hug (Your writing is so cute btw!) 💕

to carry and to bear

ask, it will be my infinite quest to fulfill! love this request so much and i loved writing is even more. i'm going to be so annoying when s2 comes out, especially since i love carmen's character so much! thank you for your request anon <3

carmen berzatto x reader

warnings: richie (yes he’s a warning), unresolved anxiety, horrible customers, fainting

word count: 5k (short for me lmao)

a/n: you know i love a character when i'm completing fics in under a day..lets pray this momentum keeps going

Wrapping yourself tight against the chilly wind of the unforgivable Chicago weather, you watch the city coming alive in the early morning as you walk down the concrete sidewalk of the Beef’s city corner.

Merchants and gazebo have begun to set up shop, their bright red vendor stands a stark contrast to the grey haze of the windy city. Corner stores and cafes have begun to uncover their blinds, dusting away the sliver of droplets that had long since evaporated after a heavy downpour the night before.

it’s slow though.

The mass of cars and yellow cabbed taxis haven’t yet filled the gravel roads, and the surging rush of traffic and uncontrollable road rage the beef windows have been accustomed to viewing hasn't filled the air.

The pinch of cold begins to itch against the cracks in your outerwear. Your trusted winter jacket and gloves had been left at the bottom of your laundry basket and instead you were forced to throw on a flimsy polyester jacket that provided absolutely no warmth. 

Your fingers are stuffed into your pocket, trying to hide them from the cold but it is no use. They shake against the freezing air of wind as you push past huddles of men chain smoking and passing coolers of steaming coffee on street corners.

You’re about to go ask for a cup, despite Carmen's disgruntled comments of their huddled group festering near the restaurant. They were a pack of wolves, and whilst Sydney's sandwiches had fended them off for a while, the hole in the Beef’s window was still fresh. Like a cycle, more and more had begun to trickle in from alleyways, leading to customers steering clear from the nearby streets. 

Carmen didn’t even like you walking to work this early, you get it, despite being daylight, Chicago had a way of defying social norms. You had paid some attention to the increase in robbing and attacks that had begun to frequent news reports.

It wouldn't have been a problem, walking was always voluntary for you as you had a perfectly fine working car that would drive you to and from your destination with as little as a rumble from its engine. And yet, that seemingly perfect car decided to break down on you this morning, leading to an overheated engine and a smoke filled hood.

So not only did you have to pay for a towing truck to drag away your car to an auto shop you couldn't afford to afford, but you were late. And you hated being late.

Not to mention your sister had called you late last night, asking to stay for a couple nights after her good for nothing boy-friend you would rather call a child had kicked her out after a fight.

She had rambled for nothing short of 2 hours after you had gotten home from the Beef late last night, and the pull of sleep had begun to weigh on you. The exhaustion and deprivation had written itself in the slug of your limbs and the slump of your shoulders.

You had to come in today, there were no rest days even if the Beef wasn't neck deep in debt and Cicero didn't have you all on a leash. Especially if you wouldn't allow yourself one. You had that in common with Carmen, you frequently ignored your own needs for your craft, the same insatiable passion and need for perfection driving you to exhaustion. 

The familiar chime of the Beefs wooden doors hit your ears, and you shake off the cold of the city streets, the Beef is warm and you're grateful, sighing as the heat of prepped ovens and oiled pans defrosts your face. 

It takes a second before you walk into the busy kitchen when the sound finally reaches you. The screeching sound of Richie's voice bickers with Tina about the next door convenient store being turned into a “pretentious hipster coffee shop that is legally selling dog water to unassuming Chicagoans”.

Dragging on and on about the invasion of gentrification that will soon take out all the good businesses that had been around since his grandfather had come from Sicily. Richie was not from Siciliy. In which Carmen mirrors your thoughts and yells that he is not Italian, and his obsession with the European country has been bordering on creepy.

Ebra is reciting an article about a culinary student that had gone rogue and murdered their entire class, giving pointers on how he himself had to patch up an entire unit of people stabbed by a bent corkscrew. The loud conversations and untethered yelling across the kitchen combines with the malfunctioning arcade that has begun to re-circuit the same sentence for 20 minutes now, digs a deep burrow into your temple.

You stand at the entrance of the kitchen, watching the commotion of early morning prep with a tight grimace, your head begins to vibrate a little, the start of a headache you won’t be relieved from spreading and you have to swallow down the exhaustion that begins to seep in at the sight. 

Sydney brushes past you, greeting you with a hello and one of her charming smiles before muttering about throwing that arcade machine out the back. You giggle and it hurts, but you do it anyway because, fuck, you would help her.

You step into the kitchen, and the crew each turn to greet you good morning as you walk past them into the locker bay stuffing your bag and shoes into the cabinet before quickly changing. 

Your phone reads 7am and you stuff it into the pocket of your hung jacket before slamming the locker shut. Carmen peeks his head around the corner, nodding at you as you put on your non-slip shoes, calling your name when you don't notice, you flinch before peering up and Carmen waves trying to get your attention.

“Mornin’ chef, didn’t think you were coming in” Carmen remarks, raising his eyebrows as he leans his shoulder against the wall. 

“Morning, yeah, sorry about that, uh- shit happened and I had to deal with it all at once. Won;t happen again” You reply, biting back a yawn, before letting your feet fall to the ground.

“It’s all good,” Carmen replies, nodding, wiping his hand on the white towel hanging on his shoulder that was already smudged with stains.

“Just shoot me a text or call next time, yeah?” Carmen replies 

“Will do chef” You reply, smiling, before peering out to see Sydney carrying a basket of  ingredients

“New recipe?” You ask, nodding towards Sydney, and Carmen nods, running a hand through his curls as he leans forward.

“Well call it trying something. Not yet finished, just needs some minor tweaks here and there” Carmen replies

“I can help Sydney out if you want?” You reply without a second thought.

You already had prep and a marinade you had to make for Cicero’s function he had conveniently told Carmen about the night before, but helping out was second nature to you, it was a part of this family's culture.

Carmen shakes his head, his eyes falling to your slumped shoulder, and the slow but tight blinks you tended to do when you were exhausted.

The second he had peered his head around the corner and saw the slug of your limbs he knew something was up, but he also knew he couldn't force you to relax, you were worse than him, always taking on so much, filling up your cup until it was overflowing.

“No, no, it’s alright, besides, that marinade isn’t going to be easy, I should be asking if you want me to help out” Carmen replies, chuckling, scratching his neck as you curve your mouth into that smile he loves so much. You could be half-dead and he still stares at you like you were the most gorgeous thing he's ever seen.

“I think I’ve got it handled. I remember having to make something similar back at Le Bleu, you just got to get the temperature right or the entire thing gets spoiled. Having more than one person just makes it more confusing. besides, don't you have that meeting with the vendor today?” You reply, and Carmen sighs, nodding

“Yep, hopefully this place looks stable enough to get him to sign, you know I can’t deal with corporate bullshit. Sydney should’ve met up with them, fuck any one other than me” Carmen replies, shaking his head as he fidgets with the hem of his apron.

Despite his numerous accolades, and world renowned talent, he only ever felt at nature in the kitchen. High function parties and elusive dinner bars were things he despised, feeling out of place despite it being thrown in his name.

“Hey, don’t be so hard on yourself, you're the face of this place Carmen, you’ve transformed it, you oughta show them the Beef is the best investment they’ll make. Hell you’re the best investment they can make” You reply, and Carmen ears perk at your reply, smiling fondly at your comment. He didn't deserve your praise, and he hated the way the sound of your lips curving around his name shoots through him.

“Are y'all going to get to work or continue eye fucking?” Richie calls, as he passes by the locker bay, and Carmen immediately shakes his head muttering a fuck you before nodding to you, and heading back to his station. You get up from your seated position on the bench, dusting and ironing out the creases in your apron before mentally going over the things you had to complete before opening.

Prep vegetables, then start the veal stock for Cicero's marinade. You had to complete it early, since it had to be chilled for at least 5 hours, any less and the fat would congeal and turn into a complete mess you didn’t have time to fix.

You walk towards your station, stepping over sauce that had spilled onto the tile floors, this crew was amazing in their craft, but god were they messy. You bump shoulders with Sydney as you begin to grate and cut root vegetables and herbs, you have to force your eyes open, blinking several times before dipping your hand into an ice water bucket and wiping your face with it.

Sydney converses with you, and it wasn't that she was boring, in fact you both frequently spend time even out of the restaurant as friends. But you can’t even try to decipher what she says, just sounds coming out of her mouth that you pack away in order to get your job done. 

Just cut the vegetables, finish the stock, cut the vegetables, finish the stock, you repeat it like a mantra in your head, unaware at Sydney calling your name. She reaches forward, pressing a soft hand to your shoulder to get your attention.

“Hey, did you hear me?” Sydney replies, concern written across her features as she peers at your disoriented state.

“Huh? Sorry, what did you say?” You reply, avoiding her gaze. You feel her penetrate through you, pitying the exhaustion on your face, probably realising you were a shit chef who couldn't even handle a couple responsibilities.

“I was asking if you could grab me some of the sauce I made yesterday from the storage fridge. You alright? You seem a bit..” Sydney starts, before you cut her off quickly

“Just had a long night, didn't get much sleep” You reply, rubbing your eyes with a hand. What has gotten into you? You weren't foreign to a few sleepless nights and a few too many deadlines you had to meet, hell your entire college and culinary life had been exactly that.

“That’ll kill you, you know” Richie butts in, reaching for a crab cake Sydney had prepared before being swatted away with a wooden spoon.

“What?” You ask, already regretting asking Richie to elaborate on what was clearly some elaborated story he had got stored away

“Go without that good old shut eye a few nights too long and you'll start hallucinating shit, not fucking with you you, don’t you know about the Russian sleep experiment-?” Richie rambles

“Ah here we go” Sydney replies, rolling her eyes 

“You think because you went to Paris or whatever prestigious tight ass school you know everything? It’s real, happened right after World War 2, Russians got a bunch of people and just made them not sleep for like months, they starting turning into fuckin' aliens and shit-” Richie continues, ignoring Sydney's sly remarks about Richie's facebook usage.

“Richie c’mon, you know that shits made up” You reply

“Don’t matter, didn’t I tell you about my week long bender during college? Starting seeing my great aunt from the corner of my eye, and I swear she is still there-” Richie replies before getting cut off my Carmen calling his name

“Stop distracting my chefs Cousin” 

You chuckle, shaking your head as Richie mutters about the fall of democracy and wipe your hands across your towel.

“I’ll go get your sauce Syd” You reply, and she smiles in gratitude as you turn towards the storage room. The cold air of the fridge wakes you up a little, and you rest your head against the door of the storage fridge, sighing in frustration. Talking to Richie was exhausting in itself, and when you were already running only fumes and second hand smoke you felt like it took the last bit of energy you had left.

You grab the container of sauce written with “DO NOT TOUCH” on its front, it's wrapped in cling film, with no lid and you're careful not to drop it everywhere. It wasn’t heavy, per se, just filled to the brim and without careful steps it was close to tipping out. You walk out of the storage room carefully, before turning towards your station.

“Corner!” You yell, twisting around the corner of the kitchen, before you slam straight into a tall body, jerking back and inadvertently spilling the sauce all across the kitchen floor and onto your shoes. You feel it sink into your socks and drip down your apron, eye twitching in frustration as Marcus starts apologising profusely, you ignore him, dropping down to your knees and reaching for paper towels. You start wiping away the sauce, as Marcus drops down to your level and tries to help, you shake our head looking up at him.

“Stop, Marcus, just stop. I can do it” You reply

“But-” Marcus protests

“We don't need two chefs to clean up a one person job, alright? You need to finish prep” You reply, letting the towels soak up the sauce. You grieve for Sydney, not all of it had spilt, but a quarter of a container wasn’t enough to get through the morning rush, let alone the entire day.

You ignore the spilt sauce all over your clothes, you didn’t have time to change now, rushing back to your station before telling Sydney about the spill

“You serious? I thought I could leave early today, got a friend's birthday” Sydney replies, pinching the bridge of her nose.

You instantly feel guilty, you should've been more careful, and now Sydney would have to pay for it.

“Hey, I got it, let me take that new recipe off your plate. That gives you enough time to get to the party?” You reply

Sydney looks up, rising her eyebrows “No, no I couldn’t possibly ask you to” 

“Nonsense, I owe you anyway, remember when I had to leave halfway through the morning to get my sister?” You reply, with a tired smile before Sydney wraps her arms around you, you rub a hand across her back. You can’t really feel her arms around you, it’s like all your senses are delayed, you ignore it as you get back to work, now with another task on your plate.

You finish chopping the vegetables after a short while, usually you were the fastest in the house, but today you lagged behind, finally carrying the vegetables to Carmen who looked at you strange, his eyes staring through you, he swallowed like he was going to say something as you walked away, before stopping and continuing stirring the stock on the stove

By the time the Beef opens, you're still elbow deep in work, you've stayed silent most of the time, waving off Marcus’s apology and instead working, not stopping since you started. You skipped breakfast, and you hadn't gotten a chance to eat, and just when you're about to make yourself something, Richie calls your name from the front counter.

You walk towards the front of the Beef, wiping stains on your apron to look a little presentable to the outside world. Richie stands at the register, flicking a pen in his hand, a look of annoyance on his face.

“What's up?” You ask Richie, as a tall man dressed down in a polo sweater and khakis stares down at you in anger. He’s familiar, someone you had served when Richie had to take his smoke break, and he scrutinises you as you smile at him.

That’s the only way you could communicate with these people, any hint of anger and you’d be written of as angry and unable to control your emotions, you lost your last job because you defended yourself anyway.

“This guy said he came in and you made him something he apparently didn't like, but finished anyway” Richie replies, a knowing look passes between you both and you sigh, you don't have time for this. 

“Morning Sir, May I ask what’s the problem” You ask politely

“You suggested to me a dish from the menu, alright, YOU, not me, so don't go blaming me for this, and look what I got, not only does it have nuts, which i hate, it's spicy. Way too spicy, I want a refund, NOW” The man replies, seething, his yelling catches the attention of other patrons, and Richie begins to reach under the table for a bat.

“Well, you finished it all so I don’t know what you-” You begin before the man cuts you off loudly

“Do you think I give a shift what you think? Huh? Jesus fucking Christ, see you just need to do what I fucking say, not argue. Give me a refund before I get you fired from this shit hole you dumb stupid-” The man yells, loudly before Carmen's booming voice cuts him off

“I wouldn't finish that sentence if I were you” Carmen replies, clenching his jaw in way that told you he was trying to hold back the rage from spilling out

“Who the fuck are you?” The man asks

“I own this shit hole you piece of shit, and if you don't get the fuck out of my restaurant I'm going to break every single bone in your face with my bare hands". 

“Excuse me?”

Carmen laughs, shaking his head before smiling at the man

“I told you”

Carmen drags the man by his collar, throwing him onto the sidewalk and dragging his body to the alleyway, you fear what he is going to do and Richie raises his eyebrows in astonishment.

“Well shit cousin, you ain't a pussy after all” Richie mutters under his breath

You can faintly hear the sound of splitting skin and the crack of bone, before Carmen storms back into the restaurant, eyeing all the patrons who are following his every move.

“Y'all got that? Anyone mess with my people hear and your walk out on a fucking stretcher” Carmen replies still seething with anger, before Richie claps loudly as Carmen walks back behind the desk.

“Call a fucking ambulance” Carmen replies, rolling his eyes at Richie before he walks towards you, the the tension immediately leaving him as he find your safe and away from that man.

“You alright? He didn't hurt you or anything?” Carmen asks in concern, his eyes darting across your body to see any imagined injuries

“It seems you should be asking him that question” You reply, nudging towards the alley of the Bear, chuckling as you shake your head.

“You didn't have to do that you know, iIcould have-” You start

Carmen looks down at you in concern, shaking his head as he places his hand on you shoulder

“Could've what? He was screaming in your face and I wasn't about to let him think that shit was okay, god, how could you not react?” Carmen replies, looking down at you in concern, shaking his head as he places a hand on your shoulder.

“I’m just so busy, I still- Fuck, i still got to get Cicero's marinade in the fridge, and i need to start on Syd’s broth” You mutter pressing your fingertips to your temples.

“What? You’re doing Sydney’s load as well? Hey, you need to sit down a second” Carmen replies, as you begin to walk back towards the kitchen, with Carmen hot on your heels, asking you to stop and turn to him.

You hear him call your name, but the mountain of tasks that were now even later due to that customer had begun to seize your consciousness.

All you could focus on was the dishes you needed to make and the pain in your temples that had begun to spread down, your vision getting fuzzy around the edges as you try and shake yourself awake.

“Dammit, listen to me! Stop cutting fucking vegetables and listen to me” Carmen yells at you for the first time, twisting your body to face him and you spit out in anger

“What?!” 

“What’s gotten into you today?” Carmen replies, yelling

And you don't know why, but that question breaks something in you, and you can't help but let out a short chuckle. Carmen looks down at you in horror, trying to reach for you, to catch you when the inevitable happens and you look at him once before it does.

Before your vision begins to blur and the edges begin to burn like a flame, you try and catch yourself, but it’s too late and you fall into Carmen's arms, wrapped up against his chest as you crash.

Carmen gathers you in his arms, his heart breaking beneath his breasts, holding his sweet girl in his arms as the streams of tears dampen his shirt. The rest of the crew watch on in concern, and Carmen shoes them away as he carries your unconscious body to the office.

“What the fuck Cousin?” Richie calls

“Hey, hey, is she alright? What -what happened?” Sydney replies in horror as she watches Carmen carry you from the kitchen. 

“What happened was, ya'll did fuck all when she was practically breaking down trying to finish everyone else's fucking mess. What happened? Are you fucking serious? If i wasn't there, she would’ve fainted into a burning skillet of your fucking vegetables Sydney” Carmen replies, shaking his head, the entire crew goes silent, the only sounds coming from the beeps of ovens and stove tops, and the sizzling of burning food.

Carmen goes quiet, as he assesses your state, there is something unwritten in the way he holds you, and he blinks tight, his face twitching a little as if he had to make sure you were in his arms, the only place he wanted you to be.

“Get back to work” Carmen replies, quietly, a stark contrast to his rage from before, the crew has never seen him like this, his eyes and focus on you, as if he has been seized by this responsibility and dying need to protect you. He can hardly breathe, his arms shaking as he stares down at your sullen and tired face.

“We need-” Marcus starts before Carmen shakes his head

“No, no, enough. Sydney will hold down the fort, this is my responsibility. Get. back to work.” Carmen replies

—-

Carmen wastes no time to gently place your body onto the scuffed office couch, pressing a hand to your head, before reaching for an ice cold container of water, dipping a towel into it before gently pressing it to your forehead.

Carmen shakes his head in anger, he should've seen this coming, he should've noticed from the slump of your shoulder and your one word answers that you were stretching yourself too thin.

Carmen tortures himself as he replays the moments before you fainted into his arms. The way your features twisted into a sob, and the lasts shred of resolve snapped, and you had reached for him, you had reached for him.

You had reached for Carmen when you fell, and something in him broke when he had caught you.

Carmen had been used to his own self-destruction, but as he rested his thumb, rubbing circles and wiping away the tears on your face, he wished himself to change, not just for him, but for you. How could he? How could you be such a poor example to you? This was his own fault, and the reality of that conclusion twists like a knife to his gut.

His sweet girl, his Sunshine, who had thought the needs of this goddamn sandwich shop was more important than her own. You begin to stir in his arms, and the tension and shake of his arms begins to release as you wake up, Carmen eases you into consciousness when you begin to panic.

“Hey hey, I’m right here, you're okay, you're okay” Carmen replies softly, and you squeeze your eyes tightly, trying to understand what had happened and why you felt like your body was filled with lead.

"What, what happened” You reply, looking across the location of the office.

“You fainted, and I carried you to the office because you are not going back into that kitchen” Carmen replies, sitting up from his slumped position.

You stay quiet,  confusion lacing your features as you shake your head. You fainted? How did that even happen? You had never fainted in your entire life.

Carmen peers at you, his eyes dancing across your face as your silence frightens him, he wouldn't even recognise you, your usual bubbly, and incredibly chirpy self was not replaced by someone who was so exhausted they couldn’t stay conscious.

“You gotta talk to me baby girl, please, look at me, you can tell me, you can tell me anything” Carmen replies, softly, caressing your hand with his thumb when it begins to shake.

You look up at him, his expression of worry and concern causing your features to twist,

“I um, I’m just a little tired” You reply, the beginning of tears choking you, causing your words to rush out as  you try to stop yourself but it is fruitless, and Carmen eyebrows kind of pinch, he kind of frowns a little as he looks at you in that way.

It's all it takes before you sob, and sink into the coach. Carmen gathers you once again in his arms, and scoops your legs so that they lay across his thighs, and your head rests against his collarbone.

“I know baby, I know, I’m sorry, Oh honey I am so sorry” Carmen replies, rubbing your back as you let the last of your resolve sink into his chest, the cry of your tears leaving you speechless.

You can’t stop crying, the cup spilling over and making a big whole mess, snot and tears and heartache and exhaustion dirties Carmen's chef whites and you can't help but grip onto him like he is the only thing tethering you to Earth.

You don’t have to tell Carmen then, he knew the second you walked in, and he knows now when you hold him. There's a certain grief Carmen feels when he looks at you and sees himself, and in a way this is for Carmen too.

You sit like this for a while, you and Carmen. Wrapped in his arms as you lay across his lap, long after the tears had run dry, where you are left with hiccups and the soothing touch of Carmen's hand across your back.

It feels like you two are the only people on earth. Everything is Carmen; its all you smell, all you feel against your skin, all you hear as he whispers into you ear. No one dares to step into the office doors, even when an hour ticks by, even when the trickle of customers turns into a downpour and the orders never end, the family knows that you need this, that your health was better than money, or happy customers and fuck all.

Even after you have cried your eyes out, the responsibility of work begins to weigh on your body, you still had so much to do with so little time

“But the marinade, and- and Sydney's” You begin before Carmen cuts you off with a soft squeeze.

“Richie’ll handle it, and if he doesn't Cicero can go fuck himself. You really think I’m going to let that override you right now? Just forget about the kitchen alright, can you do that for me, pretty girl?” Carmen replies

You nod, the burden that had exhausted you to sickness lifted from your shoulders. You look towards the clock and realise the vendors were coming soon to meet with Carmen, something he couldn’t miss.

“The vendors, aren't they-”

“They came in 3 hours early, it's why it took me so long to get to you when that asshole was throwing a fit” Carmen replies, knowing what you were asking for.

You peek at him in question “Well?”

“They signed.” Carmen replies, rolling eyes and smiling at your delighted squeal

“What did I tell you? Carmen Berzatto is more than-” You start before a yawn stretches through you.

“Alright, alright, enough talking from you. When’s the last time you ate?” Carmen asks

You stop and scratch your head, trying to think and you laugh a little when you can’t remember.

“I don't know” You reply

Carmen’s eye twitches, and he smiles down at you before easing you off his thighs and onto the coach. 

“What- what are you doing?” You ask, not even trying to hide the sadness in your voice. You already miss the heat of his chest warm against your cheek.

Carmen smiles softly as he looks down at you, threaded a hand through his head as he wipes down the creases on his apron.

“I’m making you something”

“What? No it’s- it’s okay I’ll eat at family” You reply, reaching a hand out to him

Carmen reaches for your palm, pressing a soft kiss on your the skin of your knuckles before reaching down to kiss the top of your head.

“No you need to eat now, alright? You're going to sleep the rest of the day, and then, and then, you're coming back to my place so I can keep an eye on you. You gonna listen to me or protest?” Carmen replies, eyebrow raised as he crosses his arms. His voice drops down an octane, like it was a command, and you have to bite back the desire floating in your stomach at the way he looks down with his eyes all heavy from above. 

“Okay, alright, whatever you say Chef” You reply with a smile, and Carmen sinks his teeth into his bottom lip when you say it like that.

“Just wait a sec” Carmen replies, and as he is about to leave you call for him again

“What are you even making, half the ingredients are gone” 

“It’s no problem, it’s your recipe anyway” Carmen replies, with a hint of a smile on his face before he leaves the room. It takes you a while, half because you're exhausted and the other half because you're hungry before the realisation hits you that he's made a recipe for you, about you. 

You can't help the smile that stretches across your face, goddamnit Carmen Berzatto, and you say you aren't a romantic.

[nadianova]

Thoughts on diapers?

in vacuum extremely cute and slap a paci on a girl way too old for them and its a humiliation match made in heaven.

i think girls should be bullied to be incontinent and then made fun of for pissing themselves and be put in a diaper and then be made fun of for that. but i think i have major beef with the way diaper lovers post about it so I'm pretty lukewarm in general toward diapers.

in art, as opposed to real photos of real people posting diapie pics, most of the time its easier to depict the character being embarrassed or innocent or flustered or whatever and to me that's the interesting part

i think its good when someone gets forcibly regressed through prolonged abuse or conditioning that results in situations like ok now you wear a diaper you stupid pissbaby but most art juts doesn't have the scope to show this and it just remain as this unicorn thing I'm assuming I'm never going to see unless i make it myself (and I'm more interested in others kinks so i don't think ill be doing that any time soon (or even searching for it tbh))

if its meant to be a horny thing when character is baby style baby brained agere mode i get bored if theyre not choking from embarrassment or shame and there's a good portion of people fixated specifically on diapers in the truest form of the word fetish instead of what said diapers do for the people using them

if its outside of a sexual thing, like a nonsexual agere then I'm less likely to be bothered if the character in question feels happy and cute about it little space style

like maybe a tangent but i love wedgie art but i HATE IT when every single girl has to be depicted in a wedgie like where is the dynamic if everyone does it if every girl has a wedgie i don't care. all girls do the kink has me snooze. i need someone giving the wedgie to someone else not just magically appearing wedgies or taking turns giving wedgies i need an unbalanced power dynamic to appreciate the fine art of wedgies. this applies to every kink. also what the fuck wedgie centaurs are the DUMBEST THING IVE EVER SEEN. you should look that up lmao. like its just entirely derailed from what i think about wedgies and is just the total polar opposite of what iwant to see.. what was i saying. right diapers

anyway theyre cool not really that interested i probably wont ever include diapers in any of my own stories

[rinsoap]

˚ ༘ ♡⋆｡˚ ﾐ the big inarizaki three's favourite artists!

✿²˖ ࣪ ➣ includes : suna rintaro, osamu miya + atsumu miya

note : THIS HAS BEEN IN MY BRAIN SINCE DAY ONEEE SUNA, OSAMU, IWAIZUMI, MATTSUN, KYOTANI AND SEMI R ALL TYLER STANS LITERZLLY FIGHT ME!!!!

suna rintaro :

!!? ok this man has 100% turned every single one of his friends onto tyler the creator. he likes to say he “discovered” him as if he didn’t have like 300 million streams at the time ?? and tbh he didn’t even discover him iwaizumi put him on 😭😭 but he’s a little liar so 🙅🏼‍♀️ but at least he has good music taste!!!!

his favourite songs by tyler the creator are :

- ARE WE STILL FRIENDS? on the IGOR album.

- FUCKING YOUNG / PERFECT on the cherry bomb album.

- WILSHIRE on the CALL ME IF YOU GET LOST album.

!!? he will NEVER admit it but he LOVES red velvet 😭😭 he is a kpop stan till he dies and he is RIDDEN with guilt. osamu will be making fun of koreaboos (as he should) and suna will be slowly shrinking into his shirt as he starts yelling about how dumb kpop is. he truly would rather die than admit he knows every single lyric to sunny side up!

his favourite songs by red velvet are :

- BYE BYE on the reve festival 2022 birthday EP.

- russian roulette on the russian roulette: third mini album.

- BAMBOLEO on the reve festival 2022 feel the rhythm EP.

——✩⌗ HONORABLE SONG MENTIONS : give you the world by steve lacy. 505 by arctic monkeys. IMPURITIES by le sserafim. yes i’m changing by tame impala.

osamu miya :

!!? he is obsessed with cigarettes after sex! it is truly insane how it is one of the only bands that genuinely makes him cry. like he will be listening to K. with atsumu in the car and atsumu would be groaning like “dude stop with this sad shit its killing the vibe” as a single tear rolls down osamu’s cheek 😭

his favourite songs by cigarettes after sex are :

- john wayne on the cigarettes after sex album.

- affection (single).

- heavenly on the cry album.

!!? OK MAYBEE THIS IS AN UNPOPULAR OPINON but this man is 100% a shameful swiftie. he doesn't know why but he literally will not tell anybody he loves taylor swift like it is his guilty pleasure and for what ???? he loved her in her red era too, he is LOYAL he's been a fan since 2012 dude !!!!

his favourite songs by taylor swift are :

- the very first night [from the vault] on the red (taylor's version) album.

- august from the folklore album.

- i think he knows on the lover album.

——✩⌗ HONORABLE SONG MENTIONS : lovers rock by tv girl. pretty boy by the neighbourhood. apple cider by beabadoobee. SLOW DANCING IN THE DARK by joji.

atsumu miya :

!!? his favourite is chase atlantic because he's a fucking prick LMAO he is a chase atlantic MENACE he plays it everywhere any occasion and frequently LIES ab it??? he'll be like "i'm kind of a fan on the dl you know not that big of a deal haha the music is good but its whatever" and then squeal everytime he sees a tiktok of a concert 😭

his favourite songs by chase atlantic are :

- drugs & money (new mix) on the chase atlantic album.

- HEAVEN AND BACK on the PHASES album.

- goosebumps chase atlantic remix (unreleased)

!!? he will never tell anyone how badly he fucks with olivia rodrigo like he is convinced she wrote SOUR for HIM. he will lock himself in his room, walk to the corner of his room before sliding down the wall in absolute shambles as he screams all of the lyrics blasting through his poor headphones. osamu literally hates olivia for this exact reason he cannot listen to her anymore.

his favourite songs by olivia rodrigo are :

deja vu on the SOUR album.

all i want on the high school musical: the musical: the series soundtrack.

happier on the SOUR album.

——✩⌗ HONORABLE SONG MENTIONS : borderline by tame impala. beef flomix by flo milli. heartless by the weeknd. want u back by cher lloyd.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

FR it’s actually crazy where are the itoshi non enjoyers at…im crying is your latest reblog also in ref to him bc if so you’re so real

REAL the lives are all connected the multiverse just is like that yk (pause yuki protag and he regains his past memories that kinda cooks) LMAOO because he would be so hyped like “oh yeah im that man the super cool ninja ladies love me fish (idk what equivalent would go here) fear me”

SIBLING GOALS PLEASEEEE LMFAOO king of kalos yuki…its giving insane aura

No because im just hella paranoid LMAO fortunately tumblr seems a lot chiller than other platforms but SHSJSB THANK YOUUU even a a tumbler inactive acc I’ll be the number one Mira defender o7 call me Oliver aiku the way I defend LMAOO ok Twitter is actually insane like INSANE insane I fr only use it because some official accounts like to update there and there’s also some really nice art there but other than that absolutely 0 interacting because that’s like reddits younger sibling

LMFAO no actually Nagiy/n just gatekeeping the love sorry only room for one couple!!! /j but so real it adds depth to the whole world if people don’t get that they can leave!! IM CRYING nagi outing Reo like that is so funny

It’s like Isagis the angel and aikus the devil of the little consciousnesses consultants (bro what are they referred as ykwim like when they pop up on your shoulders) LMFAOAOAOAIAH THE BIKE LINE IM CRYINGGFGG stop that bright back so many memories I can’t

Your brain working so hard it’s foreshadowing for you LMAOO before I even read I was already thinking “I bet he’d be annoying af but eventually their daughter warms up to bug boy and they fall in love” HAHA wait why is he lowk giving igaguri vibes though….like not for igaguri to be inserted in as him but just purely on a vibe comparison standpoint….(grandfather nagi he alr acts like one NOW /j)

I was fr laughing so hard imagining that like it’s a classic poorly drawn picture done from like five colors of crayon but because of Barou gyarados and defeated Mr Mikage it’s almost 75% red LMFAO THE TEACHER PLAYING CPS IS CRAZY and she finds out like “wait your the former champions kid??????” OOOOH OMG no wait they have their son and readers like “omg he reminds me sm of my cousin…maybe this is a sign he’s always with me” BYE I started at new kiyora so long I forgot what s1 kiyora looked like LMAOO I see the vision!! It’s even funnier when you think about how Nagi and kiyora beef with each other now LOL

AHAHAA guys so im actually reader like ACTUALLY now /j this’ll be a very immersive read but LMAO on the flip side imagine reader also just trying to catch some random pokemon and for whatever reason she’s separated and just not with her own pokemon (idk maybe she’s setting up their campsite so everyone left to gather supplies or train or whatever so she’s just alone with all their traveling stuff) and some pokemon pops up that she wants so she just eats through Karasu’s entire quick ball stash and eventually catches it on like the last ball and Karasu comes back like “BRO WTF” LMAOA ok but another tally for a Karasu L HAHA first it was hioris ducklett now it’s the quick balls (maybe yayoi made fun of him before in a sibling way like this is why I’m gym leader not you cuz you suck)

AHAHA dumbass x dumbass power of friendship imagine his abomasnow also has a bunch of moves that inflict confusion on itself LMAOO or it’s just general super susceptible to anything that might inflict that status because it’s already confused 24/7 but WAITTTT this should just be a real series atp THE OVAS fr just have an entire expansion of the verse we all cheered if you have the time/motivation PLEASE MAKE THE OVAS wait this is Lowk becoming orv orv also has side stories (i haven’t read them oops) wait im laughing imagine hiori in a full safari zone fit BUT why not combine both ideas…hioris pokemon have a dispute INSIDE the safari zone LMAOO maybe he goes in to settle a dispute in there and while he does that his pokemon have to wait outside to which they start throwing hands (probably swanna starting it like we should go in and look after him and protect him from the pokemon inside or sth and they can’t figure out who they should send in to follow since a full team of 6 is too inconspicuous and then that just spirals into plain old fighting) WAIT I WANT A TABIEITA DUMBASS EPISODE does this warrant another notion folder (idk how notion works so I hope ykwim)

BAROU VERSION IN THW WORKS WOOHOOOO YES NIKO INTRO homeboy Niko coming in clutch, as aiku would say LMAO

HSGDJSS guys why’d she phrase that like peregrine and hollyhock are already dead….guys??? Ok but it’s ok someday I trust it’ll come into existence!! Speaking of did you end up deciding what you’re doing for the event?

Barou would truly appreciate the graphics “thanks for honoring my death maybe you’re not a donkey” LMFAOOEO sorry I’m having too much fun with this au and I’m not even the one writing it

BLLKS2 TRAILER!!! YES I DAW bruh the up close and personal screen of shirtless sae sends me but LOWK THE CHARACTERS LOOK PRETTY GOOD FOR THE MOST PART?? Omg Karasu our man got his justice!!! I agree I love how he looks!! Glow up from some of his initial manga panels LMAO I’ll admit the cgi somehow looks even more cgid (specifically the zoom in on Isagis feet with hiori in the back) and some animation sections feel very screenshot additional time-esque but WHATEVER (they also looked really oiled up in that one top6 shot like why are they sparkling like that) like you said s1 wasn’t unwatchable but some parts of the trailer feel even choppier, specifically with the lip syncing? Like when Nanase talks and when Rin and Shidou are beefing it’s giving like Pac-Man ass mouth but I’ll live with it the Karasu moments are saving me (the last shot of otoya in the trailer where he’s staring into our souls has me rolling though he kinda looks like he’s ON something but it’s ok) WE’LL LIVE

STOP NOT THE YOTD NAME DROP IM CRYING but FR!!! At least we have content and I bet for panels it really matters it’ll look fire! The way they did otoyas aura was kinda cool too!! But THATS WHAT IM SAYING where’s all the money they’re raking in going?? Like what….i kinda wish they’d splurge and go with a bigger studio but maybe they’re contractually bound to eightbit ugh but im sooo excited for s2!!!!! Maybe after this s2 they’ll finally put their eightbitussy into it

Im still kinda losing it over the fact that it’s 14 eps though? I’ve seen some people speculating saying maybe they’re doing another two cour division and it’s just for cour 1 but we’ll see….if it’s just 14 eps of super crunchy quality I won’t be as ecstatic though LOL but I think there’s also a chance they’ll refine it before release? Because actually the end credits scene for epinagi got refined in the Amazon prime release iirc so they gave Karasu and hiori a glow up (that locker room scene) and they look a lot less crunchy so manifesting…

- Karasu anon

YESSS IT WAS ABOUT SAE DHKSDKSJS i’d drop a piano on him in every life 🥲🙂‍↕️ nah because the itoshis occupy the same space as nanami jjk in my mind like i can see where the appeal comes from but they need to be humbled so i must hate

pursuit otoya def has a hat (he probably got it from karasu let’s be real) that just says “women want me magikarp fear me” but then reader’s magikarp loves him and no women want him thereby proving the hat completely wrong 😭

nah because king of kalos yuki…i need him tbh…he’s another one (kinda like reader when she retires) where he had to give up battling for personal issues so nobody’s ever beaten him in an ACTUAL league battle either 🤩 like lowkey bro could’ve been champion too the world will never know!! so he def commands insane respect (makes tabieita slandering him even funnier like do y’all know who you’re talking to rn)

all of my mutuals post relevant twitter screenshots so i get it secondhand HAHA avoiding the bad and receiving the good 😏 agreed it has mega reddit vibes for sure i’m scared of it…PLS you are the aiku of this verse we love to see it

imagine nagiy/n dueling tullireo “this town ain’t big enough for the two of us” FJSKDJJS real talk though i agree when a story is this long it’s impossible not to have background dynamics going on!! it adds to the fun anyways people who don’t get it just will have to miss out ig!! PLSS nagi has 0 chill he does not gaf he’ll out anyone…imagine reader asks reo for recommendations afterwards or smth LMAOOO he’s like how did you know you don’t even have any psychic types and she’s like uhhh my aegislash?? which is technically correct but from then on reo is super paranoid around aegislash because thinks it can read his mind 😭

HAHAHA wait shoulder angel/shoulder devil isagi/aiku goes so hard (consciousness consultants is cracking me up) their dynamic is so funny…wait this means aiku HAS to know barou in the past ☝🏻 maybe since he’s the one who gives reader her keystone after seeing her houndoom with its houndoominite he’s like “i knew this asshole with a houndoom who also had houndoominite what a coincidence” and reader’s like “not really that’s barou we’re related” and aiku’s like???

okay lowkey i was thinking niko but igaguri fits so well i’m crying 😭 pursuit sequel where it’s an igaguri x reader and we’re nagiy/n’s daughter real and true (new it trio reader + igaguri + kurona) /j ofc HAHAH but fr i think it would be so cute imagine her bringing him to meet nagi and reader and reader’s just like “i’m so proud of you for continuing the ‘dating losers’ trend in the family” and nagi’s like “yup 👍” because he’s accepted he’s a loser atp LMAOO omg nagi would def be that grandfather that lets you get away with whatever when he’s babysitting you and gives you like caramel candies or smth KFCJSJKS PLSS him sitting on a porch in an ugly ass sweater (from when reader or reo attempted knitting and used him as a guinea pig) in a rocking chair with tea i’m crying

sometimes a family is a man, his wife, his best friend’s father who his wife destroyed in battle, his wife’s vaguely homicidal hellhound, and his wife’s cousin watching over them disapprovingly from heaven 🥹❤️ i hope you like mr mikage’s mustache and barou’s hair i worked hard on them /j LMAOAAOAOO anyways i was crying making this i hope you appreciate it (also the ribbon on houndoom is because her mega stone is tied on her neck with a ribbon by barou when he gives her to reader but obviously nagiy/n’s child exaggerates things and yassifies houndoom to the max…the teacher pulls up expecting some cute weak little puppy pokémon and is met with THE houndoom who killed the leader of team x himself i bet she pisses her pants)

HAHAHA I LOVEEE GIVING KARASU L’S he truly cannot win…okay wait that’s so pokémon anime coded her using all of karasu’s quick balls to catch her phanpy and karasu comes back and is like um?? so he makes reader repay him but she doesn’t have that much money and she has to go around battling random people for enough cash and that’s how she gets to know phanpy LFJDJSJFH karasu’s gentle parenting at its finest he’s like “i hope you learned an important lesson today 😐” and she’s like “yeah apparently my phanpy knows rollout 😄” karasu just gives up atp 😭

ZANTETSU WITH A PERPETUALLY CONFUSED ABOMASNOW IS SOOO FUNNY TO ME AND SO CANON!! lowkey the side stories would be so fun especially because we could show more characters like zantetsu who don’t appear in the main story…maybe yuki taking his pokémon to aryu to get groomed or smth 🤔 PLSS THE HIORI IDEA I’M CACKLING 😭 imagine the tabieita ova is just otoya trying to teach karasu how to rizz girls up but he keeps getting rejected so karasu’s like bro you suck let me try and he gets a date on the first try FHDJDJSJ omg or we could have one of yayoi and karasu as kids…i had an idea for an otoya one but tumblr deleted half of my response for some reason?? like i had literally responded to your ENTIRE ask and just went to look something up and when i came back tumblr was like lol fuck you redo the entire thing 😰 WAIT possibly the same otoya one or maybe a diff one but just an ova of him being a chris prince stan and trying to follow the chris prince regimen ™️ but his muscles give out and his pokémon are like HELL NO or it’s like him just buying chris prince merch for an entire chapter 😭 or a tullia and loki ova when they go on a date and it’s just tullia being like “huh i wonder what reo’s doing rn…hold on why do i gaf…” (sneaking in the tullireo agenda as always) LMAOAOA NO FR i never read the side stories either but this is literally orv pokémon edition like maybe we WILL reach that 1.5 million word count /hj

AIKU IS VILLAINOUS IN THE BAROU VERSION HE’S SLANDERING EVERYONEEE so far lorenzo, barou, and niko have caught strays his inner monologue is cracking me up though 😭 fr homeboy niko ALWAYS comes through for the gang we love him!! aiku would be nothing without him

NOOO THEY’RE NOT DEAD DEAD i’m just pursuit brain rotted so once i get more of the oaeu and requests out i’m going to work on that for a while!! HAHA dw i’m having sm fun with it too it’s such an entertaining au with so many possibilities!! PLEASEEE barou’s like ok i guess it’s acceptable because it’s aesthetic you get a pass this time 😒

SADLY NOOO NO IDEAS YET actually ykw a pokémon theme would be really fun and in character atm!! i’d have to think of how to go about it but that is def one option (it’s coming up too AHH so i have to get to cooking for real!!)

agreed it’s not as awful as people are making it out to be!! a lot of the trailer was still frames too so it just looks choppier because it’s not an entire scene in motion yk…the budget is apparently higher than s1 so i doubt it’ll be worse than s1 if anything it’ll just be the same!! AND KARASU LOOKED SOOO GOOD THEY DID HIM JUSTICE i can’t wait to see him in action…i will forever mourn the thought of him with jet black hair and pretty violet eyes though 😩 purple/black karasu you will live on in our memories/99% of fanarts + colorings 😭 i feel like the blue falls a bit flat like he’s kind of just giving “isagi’s sexy cousin” atm HAHAHAHA but it’s all good he’s fine either way!! tbh yk me i’m just waiting for s2 for the edits anyways and if editors can make fire stuff out of manga panels they’ll def cook with whatever the anime gives us!!

speaking of edits do you know those tik tok sounds with the usa eagle screech i NEED people to start editing karasu with it because yk bird LMAOAAOOA JUST IMAGINEEE i don’t think he gets a bird aura panel until NEL (this is what i went to look up when tumblr glitched out for you to get a sense of how far i got) but i am investing i need people to get to WORK idk how no one has seen the vision yet!!

hmm i think if it’s only 14 eps they’ll definitely either go crazy or they’ll do two cours 🤔 tbh more content is more content i’m just hype to see my boys back on screen 🤩 the animators always yassify nagi so i’m chilling because there’s a high chance he’ll look good for the most part JFKSK i’m worried they might mess up barou because they seem to be allergic to him slaying but i still have faith!! ACTUALLY YKW i’m waiting for everyone to crawl out of the woodwork remembering how much they like nagi once they’re reminded of how cool he is…like NUH UH go back to the kaiser glazing hole you scrabbled out of leave nagi ALONE i have been here through everyone slandering him he’s MINEEEEEEEE (insert wolf ripping its shirt open meme) /j

anyways if it seems like i missed anything i’m sorry tumblr hates me so i probably thought i responded and didn’t LMAOAOA i think my og response was more fleshed out but alas…😓💔

[genderick-lamar]

tysmmmm 😭 i have adhd and i have been hyperfixating on this beef for months now, on kendricks side obviously because i have a brain and also because i am asian and im in the poverty and drug strucken part of my city, the government doesnt give a shit and we have decades old buildings that are crumbling kinda place, i really related to things kendrick has said because i have also witnessed so much violence and police goes here everyday and alarms of ambulence is just background noise atp

so it irks me so much when someone as privileged as drake that has never experienced what me and my family have and still do and COSPLAYING this lifestyle made me SOOOOO mad

and its like WTD is another white canadian, WHO ARE U TO TALK CULTURE!??? i listened to his videos on kendricks disses and im just like??? these are things that can be picked up on like, your 3rd listen, black tiktokers have way better and in depth analysis of every diss kendrick has done, im just so tired of people flocking to cosplayers of the culture for their opinion of the culture rather than uplifting those in the culture

ALSO ALSO i deleted reddit recently thankgod bc that place is a fucking cesspool but i checked on drizzy subreddit and i have never seen anti blackness, homophobia and transphobia rampant in a community, like bro its been 5-6 months yall are NOW making shit up about kdot, running along with your crazy and insulting conspiracies!?!? its just crazy to me!

Yeah Kendrick's music is incredibly authentic and from the heart. He's able to paint vivid pictutures of situations bc he's actually been there which makes him incredibly relatable especially if u have been there too. Meanwhile Drake is rapping about giving money to the cops and acting tough like Degrassi doesn't exist lmao. Lecrae was on point when he said Drake is a fan of the culture while Kendrick is a product of it. Though in the spirit of fairness I do have to say that before becoming an actor he did live, as far as i know, a fairly working class life. It just wasn't a life that got him in proximity to the struggle in the way that yours or Kendrick's upbringing definitely did, and it shows.

What's the dirt is literally just a parasite with fancy video production tho and you can tell by the way he's responding to criticism. If he actually cared about the culture in any way he wouldn't be so defensive. And like of course there are black creators with much more insight and knowledge that do incredible breakdowns but he's even bad for white commentator standards imo lmao.

I deleted reddit too bc it was truly getting on my nerves 😂 The drizzy sub just shows what type of audience of weirdos Drake has fostered since he started alienating his original female audience with his tough guy misogynist act. They're literally Qanon it's wild lmao. Kendrick has conspiracy fans too (a much smaller amount) but i check up on them frequently bc they are crazy but at least they're extremely funny and not generally bigoted.

[star-vibing-prompts]

Random shit I had or others had said as prompts.

Warnings: Swearing, Mentions of sus, dark humor(probably), dark themes(also probably), Sensitive topics

----------------------------

"Motherfucker is high on cat nip at the top."

"Imma just kick this fish then-"

"Let me sleep with you!"

"STOP CREAMING YOURSELF"

"Let me throw your child!"

"I smacked a bad guy's booty."

"That was a good ass slap!"

"Give me all these delicious batteries!"

"Everybody died in this family!"

"I JUST SHOT HER BODY WITH MY GUN-"

"I DIDNT EVEN KNOW I HAD BALLS STILL!"

"I got stuff on my neck!"

"Be honest, am I hot?" "I'M GAY-"

"IMMA WHIP OUT MY BEANS ESSAY"

"Not the duckussy"

"Already sus gonna hide in the ooc"

"Okay I got my happiness, bye"

"I like me some Among Us"

"Can someone hold me please"

"[Name] stop searching. I wanna search something up to on him!"

"IS HE WRITING A FANFIC OML"

"I KNOW BUT WHEN I LAUGH I SOMEHOW CHOKE ACK-"

"You're more grosser than I am."

"Ohh~ Hee got the rizz~"

"OKAY BACK TO CRYING"

"I love dying screaming"

"IM CRYING WHAT DID WE JUST WALK IN ON???"

"I will slap myself if I say something sus"

"Let her scream lmao."

"Being force to talk by a 14 year old"

"Such a beautiful break up"

"STOP RIZZING ME"

"Anyway does anyone want to get slap by me?"

"Damn she hot"

"THE FUCK WOMAN???"

"DAMN I AM A LONELY BITCH"

"Actually *SHITTING* himself would be pooping. *PISSING* himself would be peeing."

"Why did you eat mah stick?"

"STOP EATING POOP???? WHOS POOP EVEN IS THAT???"

"I- Wha- ho- ...MY BRAIN CANT HANDLE THISI-"

"I think u just pissed him up even more"

"And why are you creaming [Name]?" "Damn tell me how you really feel about the cream jesus"

"One of them is: What the fuck is going on at this point and why am I still here for it?"

"I just love killing people!"

"I want to fuck Optimus Prime."

"Allergies are kicking me ass"

"I would've given you some but you didn't talk fast enough /j"

"[NAME] PLEASE I BE SILLY"

"I SWEAR ON [NAME] IT AINT ME"

"Why is [Name] robbing [Name2]"

"Enjoy your last peaceful moments"

"You were the chosen one"

"Then speak it"

"And [Name] just set himself on fire"

"I feel like I am being judged now,,,,,bye." *disappears*

"The shame has already been done there is no going back"

"My mom used to buy me robux before she mcfucking died"

"I BROKE MY STICK"

"THEY DONT KNOW WHAT GOES ON BEHIND CLOSED DOORS"

"My gaydar told me"

"What the fuck are smiley fries."

"Rice with beef broth because we have no chicken"

"Anime cat girls are canon within Spongebob now."

"The Cat Has Ingested The Wall"

"Split dat chicken wingg"

"Oeuur... digs chicken wing out of the carpet"

SHRIEKS AND BREAKS IN THROUGH A WINDOW

"They have been bestowed the name [New name]"

"I love the fumbling with the remote"

"Literally vibrating in my chair, I’m really excited for the game"

"That's so sad imagine someone hated you so much they wouldn't even spend more than 5 bucks to hire a hitman"

"Bro's gonna be willing to die after that"

"FLOOFY AND GOOBER"

"I wanna invite them for tea and crumpets

The best type of relationship"

"ILL FORFEIT ALL MY LEGAL POSSESSIONS TO HIM"

"Like damn dude you don't need THAT much eye liner"

"This is so emo"

"My dude needs to look fabulous"

"WHAT A GOOBER ! FOOLISH LITTLE FELLOW"

"OMG ITS MY KID"

"LIL GUY IS SPEEDY ASF"

"They got a little too silly"

"ITTY BITTY"

"They just need to put some ice on it"

"Aww noo they spilled the cranberry juice" :(

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii ari<33 how was your day? how is it going? tell me tell me!! MY QUESTION IS what movies would be your movies with gojo n geto n shoko?? like something you're both always down to watch

i just thought about this bc i put jackass on for background noise (a totally normal thing to do i know) and i realized that jackass would absolutely be something me n gojo would bond over lmao i think he'd find it so funny and he'd react to everything sooo dramatically like he's crawling backwards over the couch he's gagging he's crying he's laughing and he will most definitely wanna fucking try some of the stunts............................ he's stupid and i love him

- @softgirlgonehaywire

MICKEY !!!!!!!! hihihi!!!!!!!!! so happy to see u here hehe. my day was good!!! 🌻🌻🌻 im trying to take advantage of my uni break to read and write a bunch!!! which is super fun :D i wanna check out more of ur stuff sometime soon too !!!!

what abt u mickey?? did u do anything fun??? i hope ur day was (or is!!) super duper lovely <33

AAAA AND. thats the cutest question ever im losing it im biting at the walls tysm for indulging my sashisu obsession….. this got long u have been warned ‼️

FIRST OF ALL i just wanna say i havent watched jackass so i cant comment as much as i want to 😔😔😔 bUT i trust u and agree w everything u say yep yep !!!! AND i 100% agree that gojo would do movie stunts w u THATS SO CUTE 😭😭 he would do the most complicated dangerous stunt just to impress u <333 and then break his ankle. and force u to nurse him back to health it was on purpose :/

ahhh but!!!! honestly mickey i dont watch as many movies as id like to……. (PLS GIVE ME RECS 🙏🙏🙏) i have some faves and genres that i love tho!! so here r just some general thoughts :3

gojo is canonically down to watch basically anything so i feel like we would hunt down the most awful/low quality/unintentionally hilarious movies we can n just lose it laughing. ALSO…. im not super into reality tv but i think gojo would LOVE that shit. obsessed w it. i would watch his silly little reality tv shows just to make him happy <333 i feel like he would have genuine beef w people on the show too PHDKDJD LIKE DAMN IS IT REALLY THAT SERIOUS… but it is. he’s out for blood.

….. also this is me being self indulgent lets be clear but: some part of me thinks gojo would love musicals <33 its the would-be theatre kid in him. i love and cherish the legally blonde musical and i know he would too. he sings along obnoxiously loud which would be super funny if he was tone deaf but sadly he has a beautiful voice LMAOO

NOW as for shoko …… she loves horror movies. loves them loves them. i think she’d actually prefer really bad horror movies though. bc she thinks the over-the-top effects are so funny… either way im suffering bc im a scaredy cat LOL. but i feel like she’d like that too <33 (i would cry and she would comfort me by explaining how splattered brains ACTUALLY look and that would make me cry more)

AH ALSO … i have literally no idea where this came from and its not a movie but!! i think shoko would be unreasonably obsessed w the office. its her hyperfixation. we would binge it together all the time <33 my favorite is michael but she would compare him to gojo (objectively correct comparison) and i would no longer be able to see him the same way

and then for sugu…….. he’s so pretentious mickey. i just know he is. ONLY watches good movies. if u ask nicely he’ll watch a bad movie w u but will silently judge it + ur taste the whole time i hate him. (i dont.) idk i just feel like he has way too much to say abt fight club and the godfather PSBDJBF TELL ME U SEE THE VISION…. will lowkey mainsplain them to u but its sugu so i think its fine <33

but jokes aside i think sugu just has Good taste. beyond the mainstream toxic man movies (and even w those i think he has genuinely good and interesting takes he’s simply Perfect)… i feel like he has a wide selection of lesser known movies that are actually really really good and he shares them w u <3 and gatekeeps them from everyone else im thinking like old monochrome french movies w really interesting plots …. indie gems …. etc etc.

but as i said im not knowledgeable abt movies at ALL so i think id just have to trust his taste n watch them w him 😭😭 i cant decide if he’s the type to pause the movie every two minutes to explain something or give u side eye if u talk while its playing PDBDJDJ EITHER WAY… i love him.

OH BUT BUT BUT …. i think sugu would love mystery movies a lot!!! and they r my favorites ever ever ever. i love knives out & the 2009 sherlock holmes movies so i would force him to watch them w me. thankfully theyre super good so we’d both be happy :) yeah.

if u pay attention while reading u can tell the exact moment i started getting carried away i think PDBDJD THIS WAS SUCH A GOOD QUESTION MICKEY ….. so fun to think abt. if u have any more thoughts on what u and gojo would watch PLS tell me i am itching to know 🙏🙏🙏🙏

[ritz-writes]

Get to know me tag game! I was tagged by @celestialcrowley

It's a long post so I'll put a cut here <3

Real Name: [REDACTED]

Nickname(s): [REDACTED]

Nickname Origin(s): [REDACTED]

Sorry, I'm not giving out my irl name </3

Preferred Name(s): Call me Ritz!

Ao3: RitzWrites

Social Media(s): I have a Facebook, TikTok, Instagram, Pillowfort, Twitter. The only ones under Ritz tho are ao3, Twitter, pillowfort, and insta, tho I never use the insta.

State: Won't say the state I currently live in (tho i mightve mentioned it in a post somewhere probably) but I grew up in Texas

Birthdate: May 28

Pet(s): Currently have 7 cats and 1 dog in my house. One cat is specifically mine

Hobbies: Writing, reading, drawing, watching youtube, screaming about my fandoms

Personality: I'm the sunshine character, but I swear a lot. Also if you wrong my friends I feel it personally and will be very angy. I'm very open minded and won't make an opinion on smth until I get all the facts. I want to be friends with everyone but the gods nerfed me with social anxiety ;w;

Favorite Holiday(s): Christmas has always been special to me and give me Nice emotions. Halloween is also good tho.

Favorite Drink(s): Kiddo me would have an aneurysm when she finds out I like vanilla lattes. She swore up and down she'd never like coffee lmao. I also love strawberry milk and sprite.

Favorite Food(s): Pizza, donuts, sirloin, airheads candy, beef stroganoff

Favorite Dessert(s): Cookies and cream ice cream, cookies, brownies

Favorite Color(s): Pink!! I tried changing it when I was younger cuz I didn't want to be the stereotypical girl," but I've always loved pink. Gold is also nice, as well as pastel colors in general.

Favorite Quote(s): "New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings," -Lao Tzu

Favorite Book(s): The Enhanced series by T.C. Edge (I haven't finished reading it tho)

Favorite TV Show(s): Good Omens, Lego Monkie Kid, 2003 Ninja Turtles, Transformers Prime, Batman The Animated Series

Favorite Movie(s): Ocean's 8, Black Panther, The Martian, John Wick

Favorite Character(s): Crowley, Aziraphale, Muriel, MK, Wukong, Macaque, Tang, Jason Todd, Peter Parker, Tony Stark

Favorite Actor(s): David Tennant, Michael Sheen, Tom Holland, Zendaya, Robert Downey Jr.

Favorite Song(s): There's so many, but I'll list a few. Last One Standing by Icon for Hire. Ohio by Bowling for Soup. Rich and the Famous by Good Charlotte. and literally anything by set it off cuz they r my fav band

Favorite Music Genre(s): Pop Punk. Or what some ppl r now calling divorced dad rock

Favorite Podcast(s): I haven't listened to it in a hot minute, but My Brother My Brother and Me

Have You Ever Met A Celebrity: I met some YouTubers at a convention once, but I don't watch the channel anymore

Have You Ever Been To A Concert: Yeah. To see Fall Out Boy. It was outside and I had no water. Was fun tho

Do You Collect Anything: Braincells. I keep losing them tho (no I dont collect anything)

Do You Have Any Idols: Uhhhh I'm not sure. I have ppl I think are cool? I guess you could say my mom is my idol?

Is There A Real Life Friend You Can Completely Be Yourself With: My partner @novelcain <33

What Are Your Interests: Anything I end up hyperfixating on. So right now its Good Omens. Once s5 of Lego Monkie Kid comes out tho, I know that's where my brain will be. I also love graphic design, but I haven't been able to do it in ages.

Where Would You Love To Travel To: Maybe Scotland? Or Italy? I wanna go to Japan some day too.

Is There A Random Fact About Yourself That You’d Like To Share: I have binocular double vision, which means I see two things :) My glasses help a bit with that issue

tags: anyone who wants to do it

[obstinaterixatrix]

oh hi! this is out of the blue, but i've been hoping to get into watching ultraman, but i have no clue where to start. is it like kamen rider where each season is stand- alone? if so, do u have any seasons u recommend?

Oh yeah, basically. There’s like one where it has two seasons, and sometimes legacy characters are more relevant in some series than others, but if you’re fine either looking up lore or just Not Knowing (or, in my case, sometimes asking sundry) then you can roll with it. A lot of ultraman series takes place on alternate universes so sometimes ultraman is A New Concept and other times ultraman is Everybody’s Friend and other times ultraman is a cryptid

I haven’t watched a lot of ultra but I think the most accessible series to rider fans is Geed, and I’m also biased towards it because it’s my favorite lol. It has a couple of legacy characters but all you need to know is that belial is Evil and has beef with ultraman zero. the setting is a universe where belial almost Blew Everything Up but ultraman king sacrificed himself to glue the universe back together. the main character is an orphan who’s best friends with an alien that lives in his shadow. I think it does a great job of building a supporting cast and I really like the writing, there’s a couple of two-episode arcs that really grabbed me

I’ve also watched orb, which is another good standalone one. It’s good for people who like heated drama between men, though that mostly pays off at the end. In terms of series order, Z makes more… sense? has more context? if you watch orb first. So Z is somewhat less accessible but you can still watch it. But anyway Orb follows the main character who’s got like. A ronin cowboy vibe. And the supporting cast is a group of like, cryptid hunters? like tornado chasers but for kaiju.

Z and X focus on more of an ultra-host dynamic so if you like that kind of possession-adjacent dynamic. Z’s protagonist and ultra is very Jock-Brain, X’s protagonist is a scientist and ultra x is very earnest. It’s also the more traditional earth defense force setup.Oh also I forgot to say that tsupro is a lot more kinder to its western fanbase and basically all the series are available for purchase

Anyway mebius is the only earlier ultra I’ve watched, it’s an anniversary series that has references and guest stars from a lot of earlier series and I didn’t understand most of them but it still made me cry MULTIPLE times because The Weight Of Emotion. The protagonist is an ultra that LOVES earth and humanity and is very charming. Also if you were ever on deviantart sometime in the 2010s and earlier you have definitely seen one (1) shot from mebius. This is a good series to check out if you want more of The Classic Vibe of ultra and also a series that’s 50 episodes long

Oh I almost forgot, R/B is a really cute family focused series, I like the designs. Plus the main antagonist is really fun, she’s lived a long time so she’ll just drop quotes and go like ‘my friend arthur conan doyle said this to me’ ok lmao. Also the little sister turns into ultra in the movie :)

Blazar is the current ongoing series and it’s such a weird ultra lol. I wouldn’t necessarily rec starting with it because it takes away the impact of how WEIRD it is as an ultra but also watch it anyway it’s pretty good

I’ve been meaning to watch more and there’s a bunch of other folks who have watched more and could be a better tour guide. Actually recently I saw someone mention STARTING ultra with leo which is absolutely hysterical to me. sounds traumatic.

[sweettoothedtrickster13]

Part one of column two of Shakespearean insults

Column one of the Shakesperean insult list was split into three parts- one is here, two is here, and three is here. Column two will be the same.

Base-court- literal Shakespearean definition was ‘lower or outer court of a mansion’ but ‘base’ meant ‘common’ so it could have meant someone of low character

Bat-flowing- a bat is a stick or club, and flowing is abundant or copious. So maybe it was someone quick to violence?

Beef-witted- no specific Shakespearean definition, but I assume it means something like stupid or dim.

Beetle-headed- again, no specific Shakespearean definition, but it could mean stupid or dim.

Boil-brained- no specific Shakespearean definition, but I assume it means stupid or dim

Clapper-clawed- ‘clapper’ is slang for tongue, and ‘clawed’ reminds me of something sharp or dangerous, so my guess is that it could mean someone who has a ’sharp tongue’ or is especially cutting with words.

Clay-brained- no specific Shakespearean definition, but my guess is that it means stupid or dim

Common-kissing- no specific Shakespearean definition, but my guess is that it could mean someone who’s bad at kissing or kisses people who the insulter thinks is ugly/plain?

Crook-pated- no specific Shakespearean definition, but modern definitions of the words is that ‘pate’ is the top of one’s head, and ‘crook’ today means either ‘criminal’ or ‘askew’ so maybe it’s someone who’s criminally-inclined (like they have the mind of a criminal).

Dismal-dreaming- the archaic definitions are ‘ill boding or sinister’ and ‘disastrous,’ so it could mean someone who always thinks the worst of future situations. Kind of like pessimist.

Dizzy-eyed- the Shakespearean definition of ‘dizzy’ is to confuse, so it could mean someone who’s easily confused or ditsy.

Doghearted- no specific Shakespearean definition, but my guess on vibes is that it means ‘cowardly’ like how a dog will sometimes run away with its tail between its legs when they’re scared.

Dread-bolted- no specific Shakespearean definition, but maybe it meant pessimist because you’re ‘bolted’/strongly attached to dread.

Earth-vexing- ‘vex’ meant the same as it does today, which is annoy. So maybe it meant that the insulted is so annoying that everyone on Earth would find them annoying.

Elf-skinned- ‘elf’ didn’t mean the fantastic race like it does today, it meant ’to tangle’ so maybe it meant a trickster?

Fat-kidneyed- kidneys used to be thought to be the seat of fear, so maybe it was someone who was cowardly because their kidneys were big and therefore able to hold more fear?

Fen-sucked- no specific Shakespearean definition, but a ‘fen’ is like a marshy area. So maybe it’s like someone with bad breath because it smells like they drink marsh water???? As you can tell, I have no idea what this meant lmao

Flap-mouthed- no specific Shakespearean definition, but my guess is that it meant someone who gossips or something.

Fly-bitten- no specific Shakespearean definition, but maybe it was someone ugly

Folly-fallen- (unlucky?) ‘folly’ in Shakespeare’s time meant ‘lewdness’ so maybe it was someone who was prone to that

Fool-born- no specific Shakespearean definition, but maybe it meant either the insulted or their parents were stupid

Full-gorged- no specific Shakespearean definition, but maybe it meant fat

Guts-griping- no Shakespearean definition, but ��gripe’ means ‘complain’ today, so maybe it meant someone who complains a lot

Half-faced- no specific Shakespearean definition, but maybe it meant something similar to ‘two-faced’ today, so it meant hypocrite

Hasty-witted- ‘hasty’ meant ‘speedy’ like it does today, so maybe it meant someone who didn’t think before they spoke

Hedge-born- ‘hedge’ meant ‘shut out’ or ‘stray from a path’ so maybe it referred to someone who is often left out of conversations and social gathers, maybe like outcast.

[deutoplasmic]

MAME LMAOOOO hes gunna be like “oh my god theyre alone in the bedroom what are they doing” then he hears angry yelling turns out takeru just red shell’d you in mario kart right before the finish line and now youre at his throat (he kisses you as an apology BUT MAME DOESNT NEED TO KNOW THAT!!!!)

AAAAA HOPELESS ROMANTIC FENGFAN,,, oh my god imagine that pumpkaboo is like. the smallest size. and you nickname him 小凡 because his face is exactly like fengfan’s when he pouts ☹️ and fengfan cant even feel mad that hes being teased BECAUSE HES ACTIVELY TRYING TO STOP HIS BRAIN FROM MAKING WEDDING PLANS LIKE WDYM YOU NAMED HIM AFTER ME-

LMAOO RUKI BEING A DORK AND HIS MEOWTH TRYING TO HELP,,, you glance over at his rapidash making heart shaped hoof marks in the grass for your rapidash. and you realize. you and your rapidash both seem to like losers

CRAFTY AYANE IM GUNNA CRY THATS ADORABLE 🥺 HER AND HER AMBIPOM AND SMEARGLE ALWAYS AT WORK MAKING AWESOME NEW STUFF FOR EVERYONE and omg i can picture the jars already. they have a little tag for his brand and a teddiursa charm HFNFHFNFHD

LMAOLDJDKD yea junki and ayuta are definitely the types to have an encounter with some otherwordly pokemon like. you show junki an ultra beast and hes like “oh yea i think ive seen that one before flying past my house!!” and youre like WHAT

KYO’S LOVE LANGUAGE IS FOOD FRRRR LIKE YOU WANT A CASTELLIACONE?? WELL GUESS WHAT I KNOW SOMEONE WITH SOME and omg frigibax and bergmite beef,,, literally will be fully evolved and still gnawing at each other

LMAO SHO WOULD JUST SMILE LIKE AN IDIOT WHEN HE SEES THE GIRL HE LIKES PLS he like. devolves into himbo mode its adorable and he gets so giggly and you dont even realize its because of you!!!

AN EMOTIONAL SUPPORT MINUN YOURE SO RIGHT and omg i can already imagine her gym like its a repurposed factory and the obstacles add to the battle,,,

LMAOKFJDJD mechanic hiroto all grimed up tho,, but yes takumi is absolutely. lost. like hes just happy to be here following you around like a puppy

AUDINO KOSHIN WOULD BE ADORABLE OMG he would also love a jumpluff that he got from sho i think

LOOOOOL mame and jin are literally the epitome of the we're so back/it's so over meme... they're just hoping for a permanent win. but maybe they'll have to wait another century of you two (just takeru) flirting around .......

that would be so perfect LMAO he's been more out of it recently so you're like fengfan what's going on and he's like uhhh um what'd you say now and you're like ok............ he's up to smth

not the juxtaposition between you two and your pokemon horses LOOOOOL they truly do take after their trainer.... except i think ruki is less courageous than his own pokemon 🤣

YES OMG they have an art studio and she's determined to master the art of pottery.... maybe she'll go over to ran's gym and see if she can spare any metal...... probably loves upcycling stuff into cool things........ AND AHH!!!!!! YOURE SO RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!! the imagery is crazy

omg you're like omg kartana is so cool and he's like wait huh what is a kartana and you show him. and he's like. WAIT i've SEEN one flying outside before!!!!!!!! truly a junki moment

it is totally beyond you how so many people he knows LOL if he wants to keep things warm he's got like a darumaka friend so your food options are truly unlimited....... and yeah LOL they'll constantly be trying to intimidate each other

oh yeah you have no idea whatsoever. you kinda just assume sho's a kind of shy guy and don't think too much about it but . its only around you apparently according to like your friend shosei but who knows.....

YEHA OMG her gym badge is made of a bunch of shiny bronze cogs with a red crystal inside the colour of her scizor........

YOURE SO RIGHT sho's backyard probably has an endemic of skiploom so he's like hey you can absolutely catch one if you want and koshin's like. well. if you do say so then

[radio-ghost-cooks]

Can you please go into as much detail as you’re comfortable with about your beef with the Michelin Star Guide? Idk you seem like you would have a lot to say and I wanna hear it :)

ABSOLUTELY

ive been waiting for an excuse to rant abt this lmao (under the cut for the sake of everyone on mobile so they don't have to scroll like 8 times)

first of all, we looked at this thing and said "oh yeah! this tire company says that these places are worth driving to! they must be the pinnacle of the culinary world!" tire company. we conciously allowed a tire company to tell us what is worth going to. are you kidding me? we don't even know who the inspectors are! and we're letting them choose what the best of the best is. plus, who lets them decide what's worth driving to? i think its worth the drive to the diner in the next city over for a hot open-faced turkey sandwich but i wouldn't drive to The Middle Of Nowhere, Greenland for a singular piece of sea urchin on some graham crackers.

and that's another thing! hot take: the Michelin Guide is actively destroying the "cuisine" part of "haute cuisine." so many restaurants on that guide think more about "how unusual is this" or "how pretty is this" than thinking "does this taste good, or is it just super complex?" or even "maybe i should put more than just a single ounce of cucumber on this plate." and look. i get it. there's a certain novelty to odd new ingredients. i'm all for bug proteins! i think its cool how people blend together unique ingredients from separate cuisines to make something brand new! but Apollon almighty, you have to draw the line somewhere! i don't think serving brains is a good idea. and stop making foams out of every single liquid you can! i want a sauce, a gastrique, a water! not a mouthful of bubbles. (again, it has its place, but its so overused!) its become so pretentious.

and they say one of their criteria is "value for money." really? i wouldn't have been able to tell. look, yeah, the piece of duck boiled in veal fat served over a ritz cracker with chimichurri and a pear compote on top tasted real good, but it took up approximately 3% of the plate. i don't care how many dishes you're serving; if they can all fit inside my palm, i don't want to pay upwards of $300 for the whole meal for one person.

and boy oh boy, i think they need to add a new criteria to the list! "Is The Management Full Of Assholes?" see: Noma! that whole fiasco is finally opening people's eyes to problems that are rampant in this industry. I don't want to be eating somewhere where someone joins the back-of-house in the hopes of learning something and they wind up doing nothing but shining forks the entire time they're there. i don't want to eat somewhere that's owned by a raging misogynist.

i just think the Guide puts too much emphasis on the "cutting-edge" and not enough emphasis on "does it feel like this dish was made by someone to feed someone else something good and wholesome" and its hurting the industry.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

OOO if you ever did I’d love to see what teams you make…if you do it I’ll do it too HAHA and fr!! I love the pokemon universe the stories and lore like sure there’s the happy go lucky my bff pal narratives but there’s also the darker more serious stories which I think is great

No fr….like I can only imagine if there were more women in bllk something tells me they’d just be slapped in for fan service only….

And yeah!! With the exception of aiku and sendou I don’t really see any of the others making it…I think narratively it’d be cooler that way too to show how bllk really managed to hijack the team and prove their worth!!

Bestie going through it fr LMAO she’ll have her moment…this is just for the plot and character development lolollll

Ok good because I was about to be like am I really out of the loop wtf is rhyming ping pong…I can’t see it being played any other way either so I’d also assume your interpretation is right LOL

SHSHS BUT IF IT LEADS TO A GOAL ITS ALL GOOD crying fr like was no one concerned?? Also I always lose it at the fact that Rin literally had his face smashed in and the only one to check in on him was hiori like…Bachira and reo just spectating a few feet a way like guys call an ambulance or sth?? /hj LMAO

Karasu having beef with not just water but sea life is something I’ll now be integrating into my brain, like maybe his fear is heightened by those scuba diver videos where people like documenting their animal encounters and he’s like “bro they’re jumpscaring the dude that’s so not cool”

ANGST I can’t wait, gonna go back and forth between those and fwtkac like remy the rat took a bite of cheese and a grape and savor them all HAHA it’s actually crazy how writing acts as a conversion medium fr like piece was so good it’s changing my inner morals LMAOO (me rn) totally get it though life is crazy!! Make sure you get some rest in between!!! Will definitely read the hell out of it if it ever comes into being LOL I did indeed see your shitposts and omg the most recent one LMAOO you really got converted by fwtkac HAHAHA (honestly so real)

Oh god…there’s so many!! That nagi opp is one LMAO the global version also localized one of the ones with Bachira and Isagi where Bachira goes “ooh Isagi you got that rizz” (I died a little) but even better are the lines in the jp server right now!! I’m not sure if you’ve seen any translations for them so I’ll slap them down here (forgive me if they’re a bit rough the general gist at the very least should be accurate LOL) I’ll pick out the funniest bits because some get a little long LOL

Otoya and Chigiri:

C: why are you staring at me like that??

O: I was just thinking that if you put on some makeup you could become a really high level girl

C: wtf I’m not doing that, don’t you feel pathetic having such fantasies about guys like me

O: I’m desperate, bllk has some great training facilities but there’s literally no girls here it’s bringing my mood down

C: as if I care, I’m not playing soccer to get girls anyways

O: I bet your popular without trying

C: yeah yeah thanks

O: so were you? I was popular (said with audacity)

C: no comment. If you’re so popular why don’t you score enough goals and go meet girls outside for a day

O: good idea, thanks princess

Tabieita:

O: Nice practice is over. Good job Karasu

K: yeah you too. You had some nice off the ball and kick moves today

O: You were able to join my moves too, that hyped me up

K: ‘course, if I can’t understand your movements I wouldn’t be able to pass to you

O: you can see through my movements? Scary. You’re like a stalker

K: who are ya calling soccer idiot!

O: ooo an authentic Kansai comeback, I’m hyped

K: so you were just saying that stupid joke to get me to react like that huh…

O: nah you rlly are scary, it’s rare to find somehow who’s able to join my off the ball/shadow sneaking moves, idk what I’d do if you were my opponent

K: I’d abuse your weak points and make it so ya couldn’t sneak off

O: hah? No way you wouldn’t be able to keep up with my moves

K: oh ho ho is that so? Then let’s test that right now idiot

Hiori and player (Karasu crumbs)

P: …good work Hiori. Do you…want a towel….?

H: nice timing, thanks…but you’re looking even more worn out than I am, and I just finished practice. Did something happen?

P: yeah….actually I just pissed Karasu off….

H: Ah Karasu huh, I feel bad for ya. What’d he say?

P: After practice, Karasu said “Ah I need a towel, swap this one for a dish** for me”…

H: Ah~ “dish” huh…you thought he wanted something to eat too didn’t ya?

P: seems you get the picture. I asked him back “why do you need a plate?”

H: Ah I bet he was exasperated

P: Then he said “Do ya wipe sweat with dish ware?? I meant a new towel ya idiot”

H: ah but you didn’t know huh, what “dish” meant, it comes from the idea that a new one should be sparkling clean, like a china plate

P: looks like I didn’t study enough about kansai dialect..if I’m not more careful from now on…

H: well karasu’s the only one who make such a big fuss about it, don’t worry about it too much…oh if you ever don’t understand what I’m saying, just ask

P: thank you!!!

H: o-oh you don’t need to thank me like that, I think Karasu was also just trying to point it out purposefully. Kansai dialect is hard to understand sometimes

**in kansai dialect “sara” is used to mean new, but in normal Japanese it means dish/plate so the player gets confused like why are you asking me for a plate when in reality Karasu wanted a new towel LMAOOO I was trying to think of a way to translate it but couldn’t find anything appropriate unfortunately but I laughed so hard!!

Will def share any other funny moments I see but this fr just teleports me to fwtkac squishy hiori and bad mouthed Karasu LMAO

- Karasu anon

OMG OKAY I’M ABT TO SLEEP BUT TMRW I’LL DEF DO IT AND POST IT!! and i agree i think pokémon is mostly aimed at a younger audience so they never lean into just how dark the verse is but honestly some of the lore is super fucked up 😭 tons of fic potential honestly i think a really well done pokémon au could be FASCINATING to read

fr the fan service is already bad enough w anri….so glad they toned it down in the anime it’s BRUTAL in the manga!! why does every panel of her w the jfu mention her breasts 😓 like i get they’re trying to show that they don’t take her seriously but there’s so many other ways to accomplish that. like she’s 22?? have them make fun of her for being so young!! idk believe me i get that it’s realistic but the way it’s gone about is so 😐 especially given how much care is put into the boys’ backstories and appearances and whatnot…just feels like more of an excuse to sexualize her than to show her genuine struggles esp given how ego treats her

yes 100%!! aiku is def making it and sendou scored so he’s probably good but otherwise it would be a weird writing choice for any other u20 boys to be included like they were all irrelevant asf and had no build up…though ig that’s how hiori and kurona were and look at them now!! ig we will just have to trust the process 😔

bestie doesn’t realize that an enemies to lovers arc requires an enemies arc before the juicy stuff can happen 😱 she’ll get there one day HAHA if you think about it there is one hell of a red string tying her and otoya together because what are the odds that this random guy you meet once at some movie theater near your cousins’ house (not even close to where you live) ends up being invited to the same soccer camp as your best friend’s boyfriend, becomes bffs w said best friend’s boyfriend, and then play as a starter in the first soccer match you have ever attended/watched in your life?? lowkey fated to be together if i say so myself.

RIN WENT THROUGH IT IN THAT GAME AND NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON CARED (except hiori and kind of karasu?? at least he acknowledged it by arguing for a yellow card even if his motives weren’t to be caring 😭). reo and bachira treated that shit like television bro 😫 but honestly can’t blame them…also wait this is only slightly related but shidou being 18 and rin being freshly 16 (like he turned 16 right before/during blue lock i think??) is SO FUNNY BROOO why is shidou beefing w a child 😰 he is OLDER than sae and karasu!! like sae turns 18 during the second selection and karasu has an august birthday but shidou was born in july so he at his big age is just going around and beating up kids. idk why but i thought sae was older than him it’s crazy he’s not. that also makes it funny that karasu is all “they’re so immature ��” abt him and rin fighting because he’s literally older than you buddy…though you could argue that that actually makes it worse so maybe karasu has a point 😭

OMG BECAUSE HE’S AGAINST SURPRISE PRESENTS you know he does NOT trust the ocean nor any of its creatures…he heard about how much of it is undiscovered and noped tf out 😐 first time he saw a pic of an anglerfish he knew he would never be a swimmer even if his life depended on it!! PLEASE idk if you have a roku but he gets so pissed by the default loading screen being a fish tank that he makes his sister change it to be the roku city instead

i love going between angst and humor!! i wrote the first part of fwtkac and white butterfly days apart and sometimes i’m like wow these do not even feel like they’re by the same person 😫 omg the me x otoya post LMAOAAO listen it’s canon we’re actually kaneshiro’s fav couple 🙄 get ready for the episode otoya movie coming out next year…1h 31m of our beautiful relationship ❤️‍🔥 SKJDHGKJ i am afraid i have been well and truly swayed to the dark side as you can see 😔 tabieitaken the men of all time bro one chance w ANY of them and i’d be happy (although realistically i’d be happiest if it was karasu because he’s the most likely to stick around and also because he’s #bae)

OTOYA IS SO DESPERATE HELP??? someone save chigiri fr he does not need to be dealing w this nonsense 😰 and omg tabieita trash talk they’re so goofy i love them 💖 the “authentic kansai comeback” otoya is just stirring shit up for no reason 😭 such an instigator

PLEASE THE HIORI CONVO IS SO FUNNY it’s giving child apologizing to the retail worker their dad just yelled at…they are never beating the father son allegations i’m afraid 😭

[lazulisong]

yeah i read one fic by a person that i've liked other stuff by and i can handle sherlock style autism or repeated shoveling outs of anxiety and major depression shit spread lovingly over the page, but i can't do both lmao

im mad too because the dynamic looks great but this hormone cycle has not been great for my brain and i proooobably don't need another stressor on top of that hahaha

(prolonged howl about being broke and not being able to doordash the soup i want [pdxers -- definitely try Golden Horse's beef noodle soup even though i did get two giant bites of star anise in it] + overstimulating bus + having to wait in line for rent check + etc typed and deleted)

also i was gonna tag essay but i can't be fucked: it's good that people are able to identify and write about characters with disabilities or neurodivergence! the problem is that inevitably when you read a fic, both the writer and you put your own lived experience into it. and THAT always gives me a bit of a shock when someone else's experiences don't match with mine. its extremely good for me lmao but sometimes ... i don't wanna use the RAM to process it.

(people who use alzheimer's as a plot point are usually wrong but otoh reading up dementia disorders is depressing as hell and i am being fussy because i know the subject. so i just stare at the summary grumpily and scroll on by lmao)

.......... how much am i going to regret reading alhaitham/kaveh fic when apparently "autistic alhaitham" is a canonical tag. like, do i need to get ready for a rage blackout.

[churchyardgrim]

I, STRAHD, by P.N. Elrod

[intro post]

rubs my horrible little goblin hands together hello yes it is time

IT IS HALLOWEEN AND IT IS TIME

this book is, unironically, the best thing i've ever read. almost nothing in it was new information to me, bc i was halfway through a CoS campaign at the time, and also Vampire of the Mists gives a pretty comprehensive cliffnotes version

but the important thing is, imo, knowing whats going to happen did not decrease my enjoyment of it one bit. this aint Game of Thrones dear reader! mind-bending twists are not what this book leans on!

there are some significant differences from the (much shorter) account in Vampire of the Mists, but honestly those i can chalk up to Strahd straight up lying in his diary

because yes, this entire book is Strahd's fuckign diary, and its beautiful

we begin our sordid tale with Strahd taking formal possession of Castle Ravenloft, and thus Barovia, with his best friend i mean lover i mean right hand man Alek Gwilym and a handful of other nobles sworn to his service

this is pre-vampire Strahd, but you wouldn't know it from looking at him! the man's an obligate goth and dresses like a depressed raven while everyone else in his family wears colors, for shame, he drinks beef gravy in the mornings instead of coffee, and fuckign bleeds on the foundations of the castle to claim it as his

i shit u not, there's a line that is verbatim "but i like wearing black!" i cannot make this shit up

they've also given him this sliver of dry humor that i fuckign love actually, these tiny little jokes that you don't notice till they're already half out of sight, it's delightful

anyway the book continues on with Strahd complaining about the minutiae of running this country what he worked so hard to get, ferreting out an assassin in his cohort, and starting his charming lil collection of magic spellbooks

three years later and guess who's coming to live with him! baby brother Sergei! baby brother whomst Strahd has never met, bc he left home for The War before Sergei was born lmao

there's also Your Middlest Brother Sturm, who avoided the entire ensuing cockup cascade by virtue of staying home and becoming an accountant. in this house we love and respect Sturm. 

but yeah Sergei is this chipper lil golden child, 20ish and slated for priesthood as is tradition, bouncing around Castle Ravenloft being all optimistic and pretty and good at swordfighting and it makes Strahd sick

this man is so jealous of his kid brother you guys. he devotes whole paragraphs of his diary talking about how he's gonna have to start dyeing his hair soon, about how depressed he is by the weight of years wasted by war, about how Sergei is everything he never got the chance to be

just god. christ. get a grip i'm begging you.

and then of course comes the last straw. Sergei, precious lil vanilla bean Sergei, brings home a girl. not just any girl either, no, but the prettiest most empty void of personality that ever had the name Tatyana. Strahd takes one fuckign look at her and is Immediately Obsessed.

this, imo, is the weakest part of the whole story by a country mile. point the first, Tatyana just…. isn't a person. she has barely any lines, takes literally no action anywhere in this mess, and even her physical description is vague and unhelpful. in my brain she looks like Keira Knightly. 

and i'm willing to let it slide, by virtue of i'm almost positive this is on purpose. P. N. Elrod is, in fact, a woman (with a very butch author portrait i might add), and she definitely knows what she's doing here. Strahd is a selfish and myopic person, and while he shows no overt misogyny and sure appears to respect the women in his army, all that goes out the window as soon as the woman in question becomes a potential romantic object to him. and given this is his diary we're reading here, unreliable narrator is the name of the game. we only get his perception of Tatyana to go on.

point the second, however, is one i have less tolerance for; Strahd's infatuation with Tatyana is not foreshadowed at all. he bemoans his youth lost to war, and the ever-closer advent of his death, and broody brood goth brood, but at no point does he express any desire for a family. prior to this moment, romance or companionship just do not seem to matter to him. and now they're all he cares about? i think not.

if i were rewriting this for my own nefarious purposes, i'd make the Tatyana thing a side-dish to the main course of his jealousy of Sergei. that's what's foreshadowed and given ample narrative support, i think that's what the clusterfuck that happens next should be leaning on.

but you know, at the end of the day i can forgive this book for a lot. the above is nothing so egregious that i can't put my quibbles aside for a generous helping of what i like best, and what i like best is overdramatic goth men messily murdering ppl in order to become vampires.

which leads us into the meat of the story, Strahd's Big Oopsie! 

the day before Sergei and Tatyana's wedding comes, and Strahd has, of course, devolved into scouring spellbooks for something, anything to break the two of them up. this is a completely sane and rational thing to do, he promises.

the hour grows late, the candles burn down, and Strahd has… a bit of a moment. Death comes to speak to him! at least, something that Strahd identifies as Death, and which doesn't seem interested in disabusing him of the notion.

the bargain offered here is simple; his heart's desire, in exchange for just a few eensie murders, and a smidge of arcane ritual. naturally, Strahd accepts.

what happens next kills me, always and completely, because Alek overheard this. Strahd sees his friend on the walkway outside and practices the famous Barovian sport of longjumping to conclusions, assuming that Alek intends to sound the alarm on him; Alek is forced on the defensive, the two of them swordfighting in beautiful dramatic fashion on a parapet in the rain, before Alek gets lucky and mortally wounds Strahd.

Strahd, now having even less to lose, returns the favor, and we get a scene to rival every wartime "bro dying in ur arms" moment in film history

Alek would have helped you you idiot! you could have had an accomplice! but noooo you had to be a suspicious motherfucker and rush to kill the witness and now look where we are. stupid.

but it's fine, everything's fine, bc Strahd's deal with Death requires blood. so Strahd cuts his friend's throat and drinks the man whole, ascending to lyctorhood i mean kickstarting the whole vampire process

it's extremely sexy and extremely emotional i'm not compromised you're compromised

anyway. Strahd then panics bc oh shit i gotta hide this body and stashes Alek's corpse in his closet. conqueror of nations, everybody, still a fucken chump at not getting caught at murders.

Strahd manages to pass out and has to go through the whole next day pretending he doesn't feel like shit, paranoid and twitchy and waiting for his chance. bc of course one dead friend isn't gonna be enough, no no. he's gotta axe the source.

so he waits, and the hour before the nuptials, he goes to give his babiest brother Sergei a wedding gift of stabby stabby murder. 

shock! horror! everyone saw this coming! Sergei's blood finishes what Alek's had started, and Strahd watches his own reflection vanish in the mirror as the mists start to close in on the castle

Strahd goes to claim his prize i mean Tatyana but uh, Strahd, buddy, idk how to tell u this, but she's just not that into you. the absence of her fiance, what you blamed on a mysterious assassin, is not gonna just make her go "oh well i guess i'll settle for the next best thing" it doesn't work like that my dude.

a lot of things happen at once here; people start yelling, Tatyana goes into grief conniptions, more ppl have died? apparently?? this is news to Strahd and distracts him long enough for Tatyana to make Rash Womanly Decisions and literally sprint off a cliff about it

istg someday i'm gonna write something that does this woman justice bc none of the established lore has, ever

anyway this is the point where Barovia as a whole lands with a lurch squarely in the dread domains; the first dread domain, actually, cemented in place and sealed off from the outside world by Strahd's Terrible Awful Very Bad No Good Day

it turns out that someone else picked this night to spring a trap, too! Leo Dilisnya, one of Strahd's lieutenants and a man whose name compels me to picture him with cat ears, had initiated a coup at pretty much the exact moment Strahd was busy murdering his brother. what a coincidence!

the good (?) news is, they haven't yet figured out that Strahd's not exactly human anymore, so they're proceeding with the coup as planned while their primary target is in fact recovering from all the arrow holes they put in him, and is also realizing exactly how tasty everyone around him suddenly looks

long story short, Strahd gets what little of his crew is both still loyal and still alive out of Castle Ravenloft, and slaughters literally everyone else

thus ends the cockup cascade of the century, leaving Strahd lording over an empty and now extremely haunted castle, with no brother, no girlfriend, and maybe five people in the whole world who he can still expect to rely upon in the future, cue five year broodfest

seriously, he spends the next however many years sulking, only sticking his head out the door to collect taxes and maybe eat an outlaw or three, and boy, if you thought he was bad before his ultimate goth makeover…

i shit you not, he spends an entire page complaining about how his coffin, what he pre-ordered two years prior to All That, has brass fittings instead of gold. and then he complains about how his custom made black marble plinth is HELD UP IN SHIPPING

i love this man so fuckign much. i want to trap him in a locker and steal his lunch money.

he also disguises the fact that he's got no fuckign staff left by pretending to be his own chamberlain whenever he has to deal with People, Ugh, and you can just tell how much he loves talking about himself in the third person

anyway Ol' Leo got away after his coup hit a vampire-shaped snag, and Strahd's been too depressed to track him down for like… thirty years at this point

the entirety of your universe is now twenty miles across, Strahd, i think you could have found him before now if you put your back into it

but he finally gets around to it and we get a frankly hilarious bit where Strahd waltzes into the abbey where Leo's been hiding out, confident as anything, and Immediately walks into a fuckign faraday cage of holy symbols and nearly gets his ass staked

but it's cool, it's fine, he gets his man, and then has to clamber over the abbey wall while carrying a corpse and it's a comedy of errors from start to finish istg

it's ok Strahd bb, you'll get the hang of this vampire thing sooner or later

anyway in a stroke of cruel genius he buries the dude in a cement tomb, lets him revive as a vampire spawn, and then fuckign leaves him there to starve

real mansplain manipulate malewife moment right there, 10/10

and such is life for our resident tortured goth overlord, until, until! guess who he runs into

fuckign Tatyana! again! fifty-plus years after her impromptu basejumping attempt!

yes we're dancing that old chestnut, the object of obsession reincarnating every few decades only to tragically die inches from Strahd's grasp, again and again and again ok we get it can we pack it in now

this lady really gets a raw deal here! she's not being punished for anything, she's just kept in her own bespoke loop of suffering for the sake of making the guy who murdered her fiance even more sad

(there is an argument to be made that the Tatyana that Strahd keeps finding and losing in the world's worst game of Where's Waldo, might not be the real Tatyana. the Dark Powers have set president for replacing the real people best suited for twisting the knife in given Darklords with constructed facsimiles, so it's not impossible that Tatyana's soul isn't trapped in an unending nightmare of death and resurrection through literally no fault of her own. not impossible, but also not likely. yes i am mad about this.)

anyway that's our lot with this one, and hoo boy did this one get long. sorry to the four of you who made it this far, but also not sorry bc this is my favorite book of all time

and i know that's a weird thing to say immediately after bitching about how it treats The Sexy Lamp Named Tatyana, but hear me out. i did say i could forgive this book for a lot of things, and Tatyana's whole deal is one of them. make of that what you will.

but aside from its bugbears, this book is fuckign fantastic. it's what i wanted when i read Dracula for the first time and spent the whole read confused and annoyed about who the hell are all these english twats. the writing is delightfully dry when it's not heartwrenchingly gothic, Strahd as a character is absolutely written tongue-in-cheek by someone who knows what she's doing, and it's just [chef kiss] delicious all around. i can't wait to reread it next year once it's faded somewhat and i can reexperience it all fresh and tasty again

if you can spring for the price tag of $40-$60, depending on where you look, i absolutely recommend it. there's also an audiobook, but i can't vouch for the narration quality there. but if you can, read it! consume this book whole like a ravenous python! that's what i'm doing as we speak!