#fuck the Michelian Guide

[radio-ghost-cooks]

Can you please go into as much detail as you’re comfortable with about your beef with the Michelin Star Guide? Idk you seem like you would have a lot to say and I wanna hear it :)

ABSOLUTELY

ive been waiting for an excuse to rant abt this lmao (under the cut for the sake of everyone on mobile so they don't have to scroll like 8 times)

first of all, we looked at this thing and said "oh yeah! this tire company says that these places are worth driving to! they must be the pinnacle of the culinary world!" tire company. we conciously allowed a tire company to tell us what is worth going to. are you kidding me? we don't even know who the inspectors are! and we're letting them choose what the best of the best is. plus, who lets them decide what's worth driving to? i think its worth the drive to the diner in the next city over for a hot open-faced turkey sandwich but i wouldn't drive to The Middle Of Nowhere, Greenland for a singular piece of sea urchin on some graham crackers.

and that's another thing! hot take: the Michelin Guide is actively destroying the "cuisine" part of "haute cuisine." so many restaurants on that guide think more about "how unusual is this" or "how pretty is this" than thinking "does this taste good, or is it just super complex?" or even "maybe i should put more than just a single ounce of cucumber on this plate." and look. i get it. there's a certain novelty to odd new ingredients. i'm all for bug proteins! i think its cool how people blend together unique ingredients from separate cuisines to make something brand new! but Apollon almighty, you have to draw the line somewhere! i don't think serving brains is a good idea. and stop making foams out of every single liquid you can! i want a sauce, a gastrique, a water! not a mouthful of bubbles. (again, it has its place, but its so overused!) its become so pretentious.

and they say one of their criteria is "value for money." really? i wouldn't have been able to tell. look, yeah, the piece of duck boiled in veal fat served over a ritz cracker with chimichurri and a pear compote on top tasted real good, but it took up approximately 3% of the plate. i don't care how many dishes you're serving; if they can all fit inside my palm, i don't want to pay upwards of $300 for the whole meal for one person.

and boy oh boy, i think they need to add a new criteria to the list! "Is The Management Full Of Assholes?" see: Noma! that whole fiasco is finally opening people's eyes to problems that are rampant in this industry. I don't want to be eating somewhere where someone joins the back-of-house in the hopes of learning something and they wind up doing nothing but shining forks the entire time they're there. i don't want to eat somewhere that's owned by a raging misogynist.

i just think the Guide puts too much emphasis on the "cutting-edge" and not enough emphasis on "does it feel like this dish was made by someone to feed someone else something good and wholesome" and its hurting the industry.