#its kind of interesting being asexual with a romantic orientation because like. there are a lot of neural pathways in my brain which

[dreamcatcher-roulette]

I still haven't recovered from Sydney actually oh my god. I went a little um. Crazy. On the snapshots. And I started trying to figure out which pose to do with who and if I should do something special with yooh because she's my ult bias but ultimately I was like well but I love them all. Hearts for everyone. So the first six were in Melbourne and genuinely every single one of them was magical and I don't regret a single bit of that money because I'm first of all so happy I got to thank all of them in person but also I'm going to treasure those pics forever but then Sydney was like. The Big one. You know. AND SHE PRANKED ME.

[I removed the image because I got Scared people who know me could see the image and realise it's me even with the blur lol. She's giving me bunny ears]

So now I have six hearts and yooh doing this which is better than I could have ever imagined 😭 the spike in my heartrate halfway back to the SVIP hitouch line when I opened my photos and realised....

[our-queer-experience]

lol im so glad ive finally found a blog which supports anons. anyway im not sure if im aromantic (though def not asexual)?? im in a relationship rn but thinking about the future i just. get SO icked out by the idea of being in a relationship. not love in general like my favourite thing ever is anything and everything to do with jane austen so obviously love and romance isn't a problem, i'm not averse to all that - but. i think it might have to do with experiences? my past relationships havent been amazing like, i've been lovebombed and then aired and it really freaks me out when people are romantically affectionate (like, this kind of contradicts my earlier point and this is going to sound SO dumb but when im reading romeo and juliet i get sick to the stomach reading the way romeo speaks to juliet because my ex used to talk to me like that and. well. it just scares me.) & my parents relationship is really crap like when they were young they were so in love and now theyre always so cruel to each other & havign a family esp the way my father behaves is literally dragging my mother's career down which is honestly not something that i want. i value my career/interests above anything else. the idea of being with another person in the future genuinely makes me feel sick. i don't want it at all. but then there are also times when i think you know, this might not be so bad. i don't mind being in a relationship rn. i like my partner, i really do. this isn't gender related, i think the same way towards people of any gender - more receptive towards women than men, but i already knew that. i also don't want to label myself as aromantic because i want to leave room for this to change in the future and im a big believer in not tying myself down to anything especially seeing as i am still young. also, i don't know if this might be inherently the way i was born? i remember being super happy with my ex, the one i mentioned above. i genuinely enjoyed being in a romantic relationship, not just being with him as a person. its just how my view has changed i guess. is it still okay to say i'm aromantic? i don't even think i am, and tbh labels have never been a big deal for me. labelling is scary, and personally for my perception (not everyones though & i totally get that) seems kind of irrevocable. i want to say thinking about not being in a relationship when im older is a choice but genuinely i dont think i could do it (or want to!!) from a purely it-icks-me-out way. it makes me so sad when ppl talk about having a partner in the future like its something thats going to happen to me because i just don't want it to happen to me. whenever we discuss relationships in an academic context, like at school, it stresses me out so much because i don't want to feel like i have to be in a romantic relationship ever. thankfully i have no parental pressure - my mother encourages me to do what i want and tbh my dad is chill with wtv. it's not a commitment issue, i know that, because the idea of committing myself to a person in another way eg. like a platonic marriage/lifelong roommates makes me really happy and is probably what i want. it's just the romance that bothers me. please give advice!! i am so so sorry for the long ask. i need to talk to someone about this and nobody i know irl is going to take me seriously i dont think - im so scared about arophobia from the people that i dont know and the people i trust know my partner and might take this the wrong way. i really do like being with him, but tbh we don't really act romantic. most people think we've broken up/rnt together lol. thank you so much ♡♡♡♡ forever indebted to you

the simple answer is that you can do whatever you want forever. the complicated answer is that sexuality and romantic orientation is hard. its rarely simple. it can be hard to extrapolate your experiences from your feelings, its hard to know if you could or should. id recommend looking into terms like romance repulsed alloromantic and stuff. good luck!

[trashyreptilian]

Artfight got me fucked up for a bit' and for whatever reason I decided to make two ref. sheets to come back with,,,

================================================

Biographies (long read):

((If it wasn't obvious, everything you're reading below is all made up stuff for my AU. Fanon junk basically.))

-General Info-

Full Name: C

Age: Its species don't age. Instead, being adult already as they're formed. Existed since 1992.

Height: 7'3'' ft

Gender: Agender

Sex: Sexless

Species: Sloth alternate ("Flawed Impersonator")

Homeplace: Mandela County, Wisconsin (US)

Romantic/Sexual Orientation: Aromantic asexual

-Other Info-

Personality?: Cesar Torres's alternate, or just C for short, is pretty young. Inexperienced in many things. But some of it's due to it failing their main task, killing its human target. It lacks knowledge of how humans behave and how they live in general. Not to mention, it doesn't have a firm grasp on how its own species operate and the community surrounding it. Anyone who comes across C, will see how very sporadic their energy is. Never really clear what gets it excited. The only times it calms down is when it's bored or it's forced to. While this may sound like a positive thing, it holds little to no willpower over itself. Getting into trouble with someone, somewhere, is a frequent occurrence. It'll do whatever it wants on a whim without considering the outcome. Speaking of control, it cannot assert any ounce of authority around other alternates to save its life. Since their status is as low as it could be without completely enraging Hell's overlord, it's easily pushed around. Takes but a simple threat to put it in line. C seems unaware of where the ill treatment is coming from. Because despite all of that, their friendly yet creepy demeanor persists anyway.

Thinks Before Acting?: Not really, at least without any aid it won't. Actually needs to be looked after if even given a basic task to do. Not much of a planner, its attention span is quite inconsistent. Tends to get distracted easily by anything that's remotely interesting to it.

Positive Traits?: Laid-back, energetic, curious, excitable and flexible.

Negative Traits?: Oblivious, careless, passive, impulsive, self-indulgent and irritable.

Way Of Speaking?: Only knows fluent English and there's no discernible accent when talking. Their voice sounds grating because they change tones often. One minute it goes from croaky to high-pitched out of nowhere. A fairly distinct quirk they have is their laughter. Simply put, it's unrestrained. Loud and animated, it lets loose like a maniac. (Headcanon voice: https://youtu.be/7eWUGKKslPI)

Occupation?: Failing to replace their human target, C is stuck as a mere impersonator. Usually alternates in that type of position are either killed off or taken in as workers for other superior figures. The second option doesn't happen often since most prefer having the older overdriven doppelgangers instead. However, in its particular case, it got extremely lucky. A few seconds away from dying, someone was willing to take them in. Whom happened to be Six, a pride alternate. He had ulterior motives behind the decision, yet ended up keeping C around since it proved to be somewhat useful. Nowadays, it mostly serves as an extra helping hand for Six's other far more competent worker (The Preacher "Ora"). Carrying out any kind of manual labor whenever needed. But it needs constant supervision, otherwise it'll wander off and indulge in its own silly pastimes. Which mainly consists of interacting with other impersonators like it, or collecting random human used items.

Powers/Skills?: Sloth is regarded as the weakest sin of the existent seven, they're not expected to have mastered their own abilities. That's rather obvious about C. Mostly uses them for fun and in return, it stagnates its improvement. Having some basic skills, also commonly seen within its species. Night vision and voice mimicry, sees clear in pitch darkness just fine but copying voices is not their strong suit. Oftentimes it's choppy and sounds like it's fighting between two voices. Surface adhesion and body alteration are more its speed. Can freely walk on any wall or ceiling without falling, and capable of contorting its body in many grotesque ways. One better advanced skill it knows is matter manipulation. Meaning that it can turn its entire being into black fog-like smoke, might reshape the size or form if necessary. Moving onto its unique skills, ones present with sloth alternates. Their general resilience to harsh conditions and physical trauma is greater than other sins, known to heal and regenerate much faster as well. Adding on, its body is very flexible. Having nearly no limits to how far it could distort or stretch out its body parts.

================================================

-General Info-

Full Name: The Preacher "Ora"

Age: Her species don't age. Instead, being adult already as they're formed. Existed since 1890.

Height: 10'0'' ft

Gender: Female

Sex: Sexless

Species: Envy alternate ("Overdriven Doppelganger")

Homeplace: Mandela County, Wisconsin (US)

Romantic/Sexual Orientation: Homoromantic Asexual

-Other Info-

Personality?: Known as one of the few older, somewhat active, alternates within her kind. She outlived her busiest years as a doppelganger, nowadays mostly carrying out menial tasks for more important figures. A boring and repetitive life, but one that she's come to terms with. As long as she's serving her overlord in some way, she'll still feel the need to perform perfectly. Having worked as a "false" nun in the past, allowed Ora to gain a deeper understanding of humans and just how vulnerable they are. A lot of her early work made her develop superior tactics in manipulation. She may not be putting them to use as often anymore, but she remains dangerous nonetheless. Having no guilt in deceiving anyone if it means she has something to gain. This mindset persists in any sort of connection she makes with other alternates. Ora prefers surrounding herself with stronger and wiser individuals, who prove being far more useful for her. While she can carry around an approachable appearance because of her typical calm nature, it remains as a façade, making herself appear less threatening. No one likes an outwardly hostile alternate after all. Unless provoked consistently, she won't shy away from verbal abuse. It's best to not be hated by her, or worst, make her envy you.

Thinks Before Acting?: Pretty much all the time, she feels more in control when she's got everything planned out. Staying well-calculated and on point while working. Being steps ahead of any potential adversary or threat, is better than getting involved in a physical altercation.

Positive Traits?: Patient, analytical, responsible, focused, persuasive and sympathetic.

Negative Traits?: Resentful, judgmental, pessimistic, controlling, malicious and devious.

Way Of Speaking?: Only speaks fluent English, but her vocabulary still includes fragments of older words and slangs not as commonly used anymore. Her voice is gentle while also low, and has no accent. At times, the tone comes across as demanding. (Headcanon voice: https://youtu.be/gpWfgLTRPGo?t=13)

Occupation?: Overdriven doppelgangers typically don't get any actual significant tasks. Instead, they do manual labor for others or teach the inexperienced alternates. Anything that takes up too much valuable time, is dumped onto them. Ora is no exception to this. After her literal human disguise began reverting back to an uncanny state, she could no longer interact with people. At first, she sought out to become a sort of teacher for newer alternates who were tasked with impersonating nuns. Spending a few years doing just that most of the time, letting others learn from her experience. Eventually it was put on halt once appointed as a worker/servant for a pride alternate. Which was Six, one of the overlord's "favorite" doppelgangers. Her job now is mostly doing the dirty work that Six doesn't want to do. Gathering electronic devices, keeping guard, stalking Six's victims, babysitting his much younger inexperienced worker (alternate Cesar). All the boring stuff basically.

Powers/Skills?: Due to her current form’s state, her body feels fatigue a bit faster when in use of her abilities. But it doesn't mean she's defenseless. Possessing a few basic skills, which are also common with her species. Like night vision and surface adhesion. Capable of seeing her surroundings even in complete darkness, and free to move around on any wall without the risk of falling. One thing that Ora's perfected is voice mimicry. There's probably no voice she can't copy near flawlessly, and for as long as she wants. A skill she's mastered over the years. One advanced ability she's used often is matter manipulation. What it means is that she can turn her entire being into black fog-like smoke. They might reshape the size or form depending on the situation. Moving onto her distinct skills, which are seen amongst envy alternates. Their intelligence is viewed as far more advanced than other sins, though competes with pride alternates. Psychological and emotional manipulation is her forte. To add, sound wave screams. The kind that can shatter glass and deafen someone momentarily, or permanently. Its intensity is fully controllable as well.

[fantasiacafecat]

I noticed I didn't post any LGBTQ+ stuff or any Skyrim modded Follower content in more than a week. So why not make both right now?

Lgbtq+ headcanons with the Dovahkrew

These are Sexuality and romantic orientations not gender orientation headcanons. Sorry. These are also MY headcanons so if they don't match up with your headcanons it's not personal so please don't get mad at me. I am curious to see your headcanons as well though.

Inigo- Heteroflexible. He is most definitely interested in women and I always head canon that after the events of Skyrim he does settle down with the woman of his dreams who just happens to own a sweet roll shop. But I also feel like he would definitely point out a man's beauty. He seems like a very comfortable in his Sexuality kind of guy.

Lucien- Questioning Asexual Biromantic. He seems more interested in knowledge and learning other things than a relationship. And if someone did ask about his orientations then I feel like he wouldn't be able to answer that because he doesn't really try to experiment with romance of any kind.

Kaidan- Bisexual with maybe a fem preference (including feminine or men). I also see him as Pansexual because honestly I don't think he really cares about what gender his lover is.

Auri- Sapphic or Lesbian. I mean her creator basically made it Canon that she Prefers women.

Rumarin- Panflux 100%. Gender doesn't get in the way when it comes to any type of attraction to one another.

Vilja- I really only know her from a video of Inigo dialogue they have together. If I had to make a guess I would say she's straight or Pan, but I'm leading more into Straight.

Sofia- Bi with a big male preference.

Hoth- I really wish there were more videos and content on his commentary in Skyrim because I don't have him, but I'm interested him so much that I'd love to know more about his character. I feel like he doesn't use labels and gender isn't that much of an issue when it comes to love.

Taliesin- Pansexual. I mean come on its THE Talisman.

Gore (aka bby girl)- Questioning Omnisexual. It just feels right to me

Caryalind- I can't remember if rabbit said his sexuality was Demiromantic Asexual. I know he is Ace (or at least on the Ace spectrum) but I can't remember is they anything about being demi. I think he's Demiromantic.

Lucifer- Polysexual but I feel like he does have a male preference though I could be very very wrong. It's so funny because I play with him a lot on Skyrim but barely know anything about him. He holds grudges, he's very secretive (good on him because i would be too if i was in his situation), and he loves argonians. He seems to look up to Xelzaz and Inigo (and in some sense he does seem to be very enthusiastic when first meeting Nebarra until he realizes he doesnt like his personality) a lot which is what fueled my belief that he's maybe Achillean (Sapphic but for masculine terms instead of feminine).

Nebarra- I 100% believe that he refuses to use any labels. I think he might lean toward women a bit more, but that would only be because of how altmer are only raised to make the perfect child, so opposite sex relationships are probably the most common in the Summerset Isles. His fixation with Niranye and past relationship with Camia shows that. He doesn't seem Asexual because he doesn't hide the fact that he does enjoy the idea of doing the naughty naughty. His commentary on Dibella, Dibella Sybil quest, in the Night to Remember he says how he hopes we got to experience the Dibellan arts, and how he jokes about being Lucifer's father just prove that.

Xelzaz- Don't get mad at me, but I think he's straight. He says when hes ready he's like to marry a female argonian, and the only other time he's fallen I love was with another girl. I don't think he's asexual, but I think he definitely isn't very interested in it though we wouldn't really know because he seems very adamant on wanting to keep that part of his life private (as he should I love a king that doesn't feel like he has to tell us his sexual life).

Remiel- Asexual Panromantic. It was already proved Canon that she's Asexual. I had the conversation with her where she tells is she doesn't feel sexual feelings towards someone as she does with romantic feelings (also good on her. Not every relationship needs to have sexual desire in them). She's fallen in love with boys before and didn't seem too mad about being arranged to another man so I don't want to label her as Sapphic. And she does fall in love with you regardless of gender and I haven't seen anything that says she has a preference from the creator so I believe she's panromantic.

Secunda- I really don't know her that much yet as I'm still playing with her. First impressions is telling me panflux though I could be wrong though.

Extra!

Serana- Without the SDA. She always gave me Asexual Biromantic vibes.

Teldryn Sero- Haven't started A serious Teldryn mod yet so I don't know too too much about his personal preferences, but he seems like the type who doesn't really use labels. Though I'm positive he is Bisexual.

Karina- Panromantic Demisexual. It was confirmed by the one who made her @jewelthejaguar742

Arstul- Asexual Omniromantic with a male preference. Talked with @joonjii about it and it's confirmed. However, they also said he could be panromantic with a male preference too but they said my opinion was valid and technically right.

I might post sexuality headcanons for all my dragonborn and follower ocs

[idrellegames]

Not an ask. But thank you so much for the aspec representation in Wayfarer. It's so refreshing to see an alloaro character like Veyer that is canonically alloaro and isn't the character archetype that sleeps around a lot and you just hope that they are around but then they eventually gets "fixed" by love. Anyways thanks for being awesome.

I so very rarely see alloaro characters handled with respect in fiction since it's so easy to boil their traits down to "noncomittal person who sleeps around until the right person comes around and fixes them". It's the flip same of the same coin as romantic asexuals, where the character gets boiled down to "inexperienced person who has never had sex until the right person comes around and fixes them."

Sexual attraction and romantic attraction are so often tied together as a single experience. And it is this way for many people, but not for everyone. Just speaking generally as an ace person, my experience is that aromanticism and asexuality are more palatable for non-acespec folks when they're treated as something that goes hand in hand. But being aroace isn't the only way to be aromantic or asexual - there's a huge variety of way people experience attraction and calling treating romantic and sexual attraction as the same thing is a disservice to everyone (even for allosexuals whose sexual orientation may not match up with their romantic one!).

Within the context of storytelling - at least in western writing - there's a narrative demand to meet certain expectations otherwise the trajectory may fall flat and be seen as unfulfilling. A committed relationship that includes both romance and sex is typically the desired end goal with fictional relationships (look at any romantic comedy, even going back to Shakespeare - Shakespearen comedies always end with a wedding). You can also look to the prevalence of the OTP in fandom - there's a desire to see your favourite characters get together in a specific way and to have that relationship come to fruition. And it is quite fun! I don't mean this as a knock against it - I enjoy OTPs myself, I love romance in fiction so much. I love a satisfying romance arc. Most of my OCs for video games have relationships and its a focal part of their character development.

But this does mean that aromantic and asexual people often sit on the sidelines because they don't fit perfectly into that type of story structure. So it can be very difficult to include them. They blur the lines of the format. They make it a little messy. They don't match the expectation.

I think with aromantic characters, too, both writers and audiences don't know what to do with them. There's always this lingering sense of disappointment that romance is off the table, that their arc isn't going to culminate in a committed relationship. Even in the world of IF and gaming, we don't have terminology to classify aromantic characters who can have some kind of relationship with the player character because the terminology is Romance Option (RO) or Love Interest (LI). Wayfarer's character roster is evidence of how much of a stumbling block this is - Aeran and Veyer are included on it as "romances", even though they aren't in the traditional sense (Aeran falls into the "conditional" label, Veyer is in the "tryst" one, but neither of them are technically "romances" in the traditional sense).

As for Veyer themself, they aren't interested in romance. They are in their 60s, they've been around the block a few times, they know what they do and do not want. They know what their life is like and what they can and cannot commit to due to outside factors. They may be smitten with people they find interesting or intriguing, but romance or long-term commitment isn't a part of that.

This doesn't mean that they can't be compassionate or genuinely care about their partners or enjoy their company, they're just going about it in a different way.

[biohazard-inevitable]

So like, wanted to make a lil post about my general orientation cause I’ve been thinking about it for a bit, cause like, okay, so I use the labels “queer” because other labels like asexual and demisexual sort of feel right in the way that yeah a worn left shoe still fits on your right foot and you can walk on it, but its not entirely a perfect fit.

So like, i have sexual urges and some sexual attraction to fictional cjaracters, but I have MORE of a sexual attraction to individual kinks and fetishes and the one that gets me goin the BEST is entirely physically impossible. Out of both of my partners I dont think I could ever visualize having sex with either of them, no matter how close our romantic bond is. Its just not something I think i’d be interested in, but also sometimes I wish I did have someone I was interested in like that, but I’m pretty sure i’d never find them. I dont really find human faces attractive??? If that makes sense?? I mean sometimes I definitely get gender envy from faces, but like, when it comes to sex i only sometimes find genitals themselves sexy, but im not really sexually attracted to the rest of the body unless it’s fictional (often times 2D). I find myself most sexually attracted to the idea of *sensations* like the *feeling* of being pinned down or being constricted rather than the actual physical body? If that makes any amount of sense, so I dont think i’d ever find another real human being sexually attractive.

Now, as for romantic orientation, i’ve settled on demiromantic for now cause i dont feel comfortable dating someone if I havent known them for at least a *little bit* first, so like- awkward first dates with someone you met online just are NOT it for me. I cannot imagine gettting into a relationship with someone I barely know. Now of course i am in a poly relationship with 2 lovely partners, and my feelings towards that are admittedly complicated. Thats not to say i dont LOVE them, I do! Its just that as I see how the world around me feels and describes “Love”, I realize I dont feel it the same.

For me, Love is a choice. I chose to love my partners. They are lovely people who make me laugh and smile and feel like a warm summer’s day, but i chose to fall in love with them. It wasnt some “oh i simply cant control my love I must be together with you!” It was a very firm, I care for this person more than i care for my family, I love them and they almsot are family to me. I chose to love them. I choose to be in a relationship with them, and they love me back. And admittedly, I feel guilty because I’m worried my type of love may not sound like real or genuine Love, when to me, it is!

Its the kind of love thats almost platonic, but I chose to say it is romantic, because I want to do inherently societally romantic things with them! So, i love them romantically!

But lets say if either wanted to break up with me for whatever reason, sure, I’d maybe be a little sad, but i dont know if i’d be truly devastated? Like, if they decide not to label our relationship as romantic and wish to become platonic, i think that’d be okay. They’re still in my life, and i still care about them the same amount! I dont think it would change anything if we continued to be friends! We just wouldnt do as romantic things, but I dont feel the dynamic would change much at all except that our “dates” would become playonic and we probably wouldnt kiss (not that i kiss much to begin with cause of *trauma*)

But if they wanted to end the friendship *entirely*???? Then i’d be upset for WEEKS. MONTHS maybe even! *years* knowing my track record. If they never wanted to talk to me again i think I might explode. Honestly i’m more worried about THAT happening than a breakup.

Its a messy, complicated thing, and honestly it may lean more toward aro than demi, but yeah. Thats my feelings!!! They’re… weird.

[bloggingboutburgers]

hello! i apologize in advance if this is an uncomfortable question, im kind of embarrassed to ask people i know and i feel a little more comfortable asking on anonymous, but if its too much please dont answer so um. how do you know youre ace/aro? im afab non-binary, i crave being loved and having love and like, sex and all that romantic junk, but there are other times where stuff like that kind of makes me feel sick (specifically the sex part)? like, to the point i feel nauseous sick. im not sure why this happens, and i cant think why it happens. because of past stuff im kind of scared of relationships and commitment, but i still kind of want one? but dont? its hard to put my thoughts into words and i apologize, i just want to know what this i feel would be considered. it took me like, two years to figure out "hey actually im non-binary" so im still kind of new(?) to figuring out my identity and stuff. im also sorry if this is rude or ignorant or anything, im just confused on what it is thats up with me ;;

I don't find it rude or ignorant or uncomfortable at all, don't worry! It's a very fair question TwT

I'm not sure I'm the best person to give advice on this though, because I kinda have it lucky in that sense - right from teenage years I could tell I wasn't interested, and somehow I never doubted it, so that was enough for me to figure myself out. I only started questioning myself (and I still do) when I got together with my queerplatonic partner, especially when we started kissing on the mouth from time to time (that's as "far" as we ever go). But honestly, I still know deep down I don't see them as a romantic partner, it's something different, I can just feel it, and in the end, I also feel that's enough.

I guess to me, no one can make that kind of call better than yourself (I guess being wrongfully assumed as anything but aroace for years will do that to a person), so if deep down you feel you are, that's what you are, and if you feel you need more time to figure yourself out that's OK too. Don't forget that 1- asexuality and aromanticism are a spectrum, which means things don't have to be super clear cut, 2- you also don't have to be on these spectrums to have things you can or cannot bear with in your sexual and emotional life, it's really your call, and 3- one's orientation and identity can change over life. I know it's probably not as clear an answer as you may be looking for, but I hope it can be a bit reassuring at least TwT Either way please know you're valid, and I hope you'll be OK!

[mountainfrogs]

SGT FROG IDENTITY STUFF

UHHHH i havent thought of the platoon as much but I will DO MY BEST

Keroro: He/Him Autoromantic

Largely cis, but the guy is in love with himself. He is in love with All Aspects of himself, even as he may have a shitty fragile sense of self-worth. It's a kind of narcissism, arrogance to mask the insecurity, but that's why he's in love with himself. Passing crushes on Pururu, childhood things, the closer you are to something like Him, the more interested he might be. It's kinda insane. God bless.

Tamama: He/Him Demiboy Homosexual Aroflux

Tamama's a kid so there's not a lot going on here right now, but sometimes he feels like a boy sometimes he just vibes and that is Okay. He does grow up to Be largely gay but romance isn't really on the radar. Take or leave. He is here to fight and become strong.

Giroro: He/She bigender pansexual demiromantic

Can you fight? Can you beat him in a battle of life or death? You're in buddy who gives a fuck What ur gender is, but he does need a big connection to actually develop romantic oriented feelings. As far as gender goes the guy vacillates a lot and feels like both most of the time but he doesn't really get it so he hasn't discovered the 'she' part yet. It sure feels pretty good when he gets forced to play dressup and act fem tho....

Kululu: He/She/They/It genderfluid asexual quoiromantic

Kululu just exists. Like he just Is There. He's the guy who either feels like No gender or one of them or all of them and he would in fact be that cunt who doesn't tell you what way he's swinging so he can zap you for getting it wrong he's a cunt. Kululuko is great fun tho, hard ace, doesn't understand the diff between romance and platonic, he thinks all the adults need to just kiss and chill the fuck out

Dororo: He/Him Bisexual Biromantic

Dororo is boring I am so sorry. He's cis amab and likes many genders in varying capacities but all are worthy of love... Or something like that. He is however prone to falling very hard very quickly due to not really being noticed like a Lot.

Garuru: He/They Asexual Aromantic

Non-binary king who does Not understand romance but loves his family both biological and found so very much. He's a lot sillier than everyone gives him credit for.

Pururu: She/Her lesbian

WOMEN Pururu has been subject to comphet a Lot throughout the years, such that she barely every Gets to interact with other women and figure herself out. She'll get there eventually

ORIKERO WISE

Umeme: She/They/Ume demigirl barararomantic/sexual (no i am not joking)

Umeme feels comfortable in her skin maybe 75 percent of the time. The other part of the time she feels like a mysterious total lack of gender imparted upon her by being mentally part another species of alien and how do you deal with being dysphoric because you're not another total species that has a complete lack of concept of gender? It's a long story. her orientation is barara and just barara.

Barara: He/They/It Agender creechur umemeromantic/sexual (no i am not joking)

Barara has like a complete lack of identity. He doesn't know what he is, or who. Is he even a person? He builds his sense of self around his purpose, or facets assigned to him, or what he loved ones need. He/Him predominant right now but given time and age and maturity he may assume they/it or even it/its fulltime. His orientation is umeme and just umeme.

Shisese: She/her MtF trans lesbian

Trans who is big for WOMEN she's down to date and meet and flirt but it does take time for her to really Bond with others due to her job and stress and whatnot.

[barbieb0y]

journey: orientation and how i wasn't there for most of it.

(title is a reference, iykyk)

my birthday is in 6 days and i feel like i should do at least something so this is something! blogs talking about myself and my experiences, counting down to the day of the event itself

and the first one i thought of is my experience with romantic and sexual orientations. why? well the ace tag trending gave me some ideas lol

for most of my childhood, i wasn't interested in anything that isn't studying and playing by myself. wish i can say the same now

and thankfully, my parents weren't the type to fess over me interacting with the opposite sex not that i did that that much but still and teaching me about marriage and romance and all that wasn't on their minds yet at that time - and oh, how i yearn for them to stay that way now but alas.

i didn't get the hype with getting crushes and dating, until i developed what i thought was a crush. i remember being happy that i finally fit in and just like the other girls - that i wasn't just a weirdo with weird interests and lack of interest in people. and looking back on it, it's not like it wasn't a crush. it just wasn't a romantic one.

this continued on until i was 14. i'd get crushes where i just enjoyed looking at the boys' faces. it never occured to me that traditional crushes were supposed to involve actual romance. and when i did try imagining myself in romantic scenes with the boys i liked, i either felt disgusted or neutral. the neutral side of things mostly applied to fictional boys anyway.

then came the year of 2018. funnily enough, i actually remember being on tumblr that time - for the whole purpose of reading imagines of a fictional guy i thought i liked in those ways. i'd read, read, read, unaware that these pieces of writing... don't actually make me feel anything. that imagining myself in romantic + sexual situations with this guy was only bc everyone else was doing it.

when suddenly pride month rolled around.

i was an ally from the beginning. and bc of that i wanted to know more about the community so that i could show my support better. little did 14 year old me know.

i stumbled upon the term "aromantic". i started reading out of curiosity. i thought of how i could relate to most of the traits of an aromantic. i realized.

i remember i was like "so you're telling me i don't actually have to feel this stuff for people i'm seemingly attracted to?!" and remember that guy from before? every romantic and sexual thought of him vanished in an instant - and i've never felt so free. i even remember me writing a platonic self-shipping fic of me and him to celebrate; and luckily, i had friends who celebrated alongside me.

though at that time, i thought aromantic also meant asexual, so there i was going around telling people i'm aromantic without the asexual - most likely because i was taught that sex was just an extension of romance rather than being its own separate thing. until of course, i discovered the term later on and went "omg so me".

the label kind of enabled me to be more open about my dislike of romance and sex - borderline condemning it. but that was merely me projecting my own experiences; having to be subjected to society's expectations of me was more than just irritating and tiring. even if i ever change my mind one day, why should that matter? sure, preparing for the future is a smart move but what's the point if i'm abandoning my present self?

years pass and by 2022, i still identified as an aromantic asexual. at some point i even identified as a gay aroace, but then reverted back to aroace. even when there were situations and experiences that challenged me identifying with those labels, i persisted. even when i first interacted with whom i call my "first love", i wasn't attracted to them off the bat.

it took quite a few interactions. i myself was confused as to why talking to them made me so happy, especially because we didn't even talk in a chatroom - i was just an anon on their writing blog, the reason why i frequented their blog being one of the hurdles that almost made me change my labels.

to this day, i'm still unsure if mustering up the courage to privately message them made me realize i'm actually attracted to them or that i gradually realized after chatting with them in private. but in the end, i realized. i'm attracted to them. i liked the idea of being in a non-platonic relationship with them, i like imagining us in romantic situations (although at that time i didn't yet know what they look like) but either was too shy or i genuinely did not develop sexual feelings for them yet at that time. i confessed the night i messaged them.

to my surprise, it was their birthday. i'm unsure if a confession is a fit birthday gift still.

but when this happened, i didn't feel like i was betraying my aromantic asexual labels. it's more like... i broke free of them. broke free of these stupid labels that tried to tie me down for so long. so what if i haven't been attracted to anyone until now? am i not allowed to freely love because of these two words? or even, am i not allowed to be free of these words even if they define me? so i simply let go.

funnily enough, the person i fell in love with is aroace themself. a silly little plot twist in my story, i would say.

we begin to talk. a night turns into a week. a week turns into a month. 2 months after initially talking, we got together. i remember i couldn't stop smiling over how lucky i got. the person i love, who doesn't even reciprocate my feelings, was willing to give me a chance. i talked about them whenever i had the chance; the word "boyfriend" felt so sweet on my tongue.

4 months and 18 days - that's how long we were together. i remember the breakup like it was yesterday. because i once thought i wouldn't ever go through one, let alone cry myself to sleep a few nights because of it. but that wouldn't be the first time i've done that because of them - but even despite all the anguish i've experienced throughout this period, i was (and still am?) in love with them.

simply because of the fact that i was in love with them.

i acknowledged how strong and powerful romantic and sexual attraction can be, now that i experience it. though i still think people exaggerate the overall experience, their words now hold some truth for me. and to tell you the truth,

i am scared of feeling this way for someone else.

i just can't imagine myself experiencing such highs for a real person that isn't them. it feels like an absolute betrayal - to my past self, to them, to my current self. it just seems impossible. plus, feeling like a late bloomer makes me feel like shit. but if there's one thing this experience taught me,

it's that anything really can happen.

this journey is still ongoing - i'm unlabeled, still kinda in love with my ex (who is also my friend haha) and the future is uncertain. maybe i'll go back to being labeled, maybe i'll get over them, maybe both, maybe neither.

but for now, i'm unlabeled. because i'm not something to be defined.

i'm someone to be experienced.

if you read all that then thank you for listening to me ramble lol idk i just feel like talking about myself. it still feels like people don't really know me idk idk i was kinda being cheesy and stuff but hey when else am i supposed to be amirite

i will try to come up with topics for the upcoming days hehehe

[rantaccla]

Pride Confessions pt. 1

Hello, Badet!

I'm sorry that you've been feeling that way. We could not imagine what you are going through right now but you probably already know this but sometimes — its okay not to be okay. 

I know it seems rough at times but you have to trust yourself on this one. There's no guide book on 'How To Be A Good Queer'. It can be difficult to be natural in a society that frequently tries to categorize people, but it's important to keep in mind that you are special and admired. 

I just wanna leave you a gentle reminder that every person's journey is different and that there is no "right" way to be a queer. It's normal to experience elation and feelings of discontent at times. It's also okay to admire others as much as possible, try to prevent yourself from comparing yourself to other people and strive to be more confident instead. 

A little goes a long way but keep in mind that building confidence and establishing self-worth takes patience and dedication, but you can carry it out with persistence and effort. Everyone is their own person so you don't need any approval from anyone but yourself. Ponder more about embracing and accepting yourself for who you are. Embrace your uniqueness and don't be afraid to express yourself freely. You are capable of having a life that feels true to you. 

You don't have to be afraid because you have all the colors of the rainbow by your side. 

- ad

Hello fellow Demi! Thank you for writing <3 I would like to express my happiness upon finding a fellow demi like you who also has troubles when it comes to romantic topics. If I had a chance to meet up with you, I would listen to you, maybe even become besties and rant all about our circumstances. Gusto ko lang na malaman mo hindi ka nag-iisa at okay lang yang nararamdaman mo.

I have been there too, madalang lang din ako magkaroon ng crushes and love interest, sa totoo lang akala ko hindi ako normal o minsan ay naguguluhan din sa kung ano nga bang kasarian ko. Pero upon realizing and finding out about my sexual orientation, I accepted it na even though there is always a misconception that I am in dominant or common gender or sexual orientation.

So in this blog, I would like you to know na you’re not the only one suffering, marami pa tayo, although there is no really known established community for us, there are struggles talaga na hindi natin maiiwasan.  Isa na ang nararamdaman mo, madalang magkaroon ng crushes or love interest at if ever na hindi ma fulfill, ang bagal mawala ng feelings. For me it took at least two and a half years to forget a 3 month relationship from my previous lover. Time will heal ika nga. You maybe wondering…Bakit? Bakit ang tagal mawala? It’s because demisexuals have this trait on them na nakabase ang romantic interest or attraction sa experience na kasama ang taong nagkakaroon sila ng damdamin. Demis develop a sense of loyalty only to that person we feel attracted to kaya mahirap mawala yung feelings even if konting oras lang ang pinagsamahan ninyo. In this sense demis like us are easily misunderstood because nacoconfuse tayo when it comes into romance, we want to take things slow but that doesn’t mean that we are being cautious or that we don’t really love our current partner and most certainly we aren’t afraid of intimacy. We just want to spend quality time with our love interest and actually make the most out of it. That’s why the more genuine memories we have with our lover, the more bond we have with them, the more it hurts, na gusto mo nalang lamunin ka ng lupa. We invest our time and effort for that person we feel attracted to, that’s why we feel defeated or it’s the end of the world. Imagine having to put a lot of effort into something but it just all goes to waste? I am speaking about this based on what I have experienced too.

There are undoubtedly different kinds of Demis, some who seek skinship but no attraction and some who're really close to being an Asexual. So what can we do? Bipbipbip sabi ng jeep, chariz. Nothing, we just need time to heal and accept a broken relationship because the more we dwell on it or overthink it, mas lalo lang tayong mahihirapan magmove on. If we fall down, the only way is up, although healing is a really slow process, we will eventually get through it and find someone that we can truly be with. As for crushes? Bipbipbip I agree na madalang lang din ako dyan XD except sa mga virtual husbandos and senpais. Hui! De pero, when it comes to crushes, we really strive to get to know them or that even if nagbond na, when we face rejection, ansakit din at ang tagal mawala. Kung ikukumpara, once in a bluemoon lang ang demis nagkakaroon ng attraction sa other person. That’s why those who currently have a Demi partner or you feel that you are attracted to, take time to understand them as they understand you too.

-Tiks

Dear blink forever,

Thank you for writing. It really takes a lot of courage to admit to wanting something and from that, I am proud of you. You are taking a good step. And I assure you, the lacing doubts from your confession is completely understandable for it roots to our common upbringing in the society. So, I hope the following response will reach you and somehow be a help to your predicament.

First of all, it's 100% okay to be confused. I get it that you are experiencing uncertainties about your sexuality and gender identity despite wanting to date women. So, I tell you dear, you are in the process of questioning. That's why, you may frequently find yourself asking what you have expressed in your confession: "is this may be only a phase?" or and "can I commit to the idea of dating women?". This early stage can be frightening but don't feel bad about it, you are just getting started.

Only you can determine what your gender is. So, trying things out for yourself would be your best shot. Because the fact that you know to yourself that you want to go and date women, it might be a sign for you to solidify the doubts about your sexual orientation. You are getting there, dear. It is your own right to explore the things you are interested in. And remember, nobody else should take that from you. 

Moreover, your fears are heard, dear. Your feelings are completely valid but the scare should never dictate your actions for eternity. These are instilled misconceptions about LGBT community in the conservative and patriarchal society, resulting in fears you actually feel. Because nothing is "just a phase" to your sexuality and identity. It isn't a situation where you just woke up and realize you wanted to date women. It's not as simple as that for anyone; it's just the system that deprives us.

I guarantee you that gender is fluid and it is enough reason for you to explore your sexuality and be able to discover what would make you happy and content. You may never know but you are already committing to the idea of wanting to date women– it's already a progress. So, why not try? Only then you can find out. It's your happiness that matters, dear.

And always remember, you have a community fighting alongside you in this journey. We are rooting for you.

-eka

Ola, Hello Kitty!

First of all, it comforts me to know that you are loud and proud to be a woman. I love that you know the power and extent of being a woman, especially in this patriarchal society that continues to view us – women – as a form of fragile and powerless human beings. Although significant progress has been made in the fight for gender equality, it makes sense that you still get to ask about the existence of these gender role expectations because we are still in the long run combating society’s bigotry. I hope you find this response as a companion and an encouragement to carry on standing for each and every woman. 

Yes, I totally agree that society created these expectations on women; to be conservative, to be able to do household chores, to dress traditionally, and to be feminine in all ways. It’s dumb, right? As someone has shared with me before, these were all results of society’s fear of seeing a woman stand fiercely in front of them. The increasing societal repression of sexuality over the centuries has produced a world that belittles the capability of being a woman. They are afraid to see what more we can do. That we are able to uncover the will to knowledge, to fight, to be strong, and to act collectively against the repression they implicated. 

Despite these gender norms engraved in our patriarchal culture, I am proud of you for voicing out what needs to be heard. I want you to know that you are not alone in standing up for women, so continue doing the things you want to explore and being you regardless of how the world may look at us because WE are not the problem. 

I want to thank you for writing this letter, but I also want to give a big thank you for standing up for yourself as a woman, because in doing so, you are standing up for all the women in the world. Abante, Babae! 

-kj

[mordcore]

the concept of "late bloomers" is so weird, i'm looking into it because it gets thrown at aros and aces a lot and apparently it often is used to mean someone who wants to have sex but can't because they're shy or unattractive.

wikipedia uses it exclusively for people finding their talents later in life

some definitions refer specifically to puberty: you're a later bloomer if the physical changes set in late.

some people just use the word for folks who are or were unpopular in highschool.

i had to search for "sexual late bloomer" to get more responses that were not about talents.

when searching for "romantic late bloomer", i find pages talking about people who want to have romantic experiences but don't, for whatever reason. (shy and unattractive again?)

for both searches, sometimes it just means people who get married in their 40s instead of 20s or 30s.

also people seem to be in agreement that it sucks, be it because it "feels wrong" or because you don't fit in in highschool or college. or they have a superiority complex about it in the geek way

the most interesting thing i found was this article:

its mainly about how its normal and okay to achieve these "milestones" later in life than your twenties.

i hear about these milestones a lot, and according to this article it seems to tie in with people being like "im old im already 26!" and genuinely meaning it. frankly, i understand none of that, and i wonder if its a usa cultural thing, i Do Not Get the anxiety over marriage etc.

oh and there was a forum thread by a 13 year old wondering if they're aromantic or a late bloomer. and a website mentioning asexuality vs late blooming but completely disregarding asexuality in the following sentences and just explaining all the ways someone can be a late bloomer and kind of implying that never "blooming" is not an option. pretty much like every other website except for the aro forum.

i don't even remember what my question was. right, why we keep being told that we are just late bloomers, and specifically why people are obsessed with the idea that i will fall in love some day which they seem to hold with religious conviction.

according to the definitions that i found, the only one that applies is that i was unpopular in highschool. i amn't now, not because i changed, but because i can choose my own social circles now and avoid the shallow and bigoted ones.

basically, none of the meanings i could find means that someone has None interest in sex and/or romance and spontaneously develops it later. if i had the concentration ability i would look into academic works to see if anything like this has been researched and how likely it even is, but suffice to say that it does not seem like a stretch to conclude that late blooming only means "your orientation is going to randomly change later" when people are trying to be arophobic or acephobic towards you.

aka:

[yasminbenoit]

What Is Asexuality? Yasmin Benoit for Teen Vogue

For Asexuality Awareness Week, model Yasmin Benoit answers the question ‘what is asexuality’, and busts some common myths about what it means to be asexual.

I realized I was asexual around the same time my peers seemed to realize that they were not. Once the hormones kicked in, so did a nearly universal interest in sex for those around me. I thought sex was intriguing, but never so much that I wanted to express my sexuality with someone else. I had no sexual desire towards other people, I did not experience sexual attraction, and that hasn't changed.

I didn't learn that there was a word for my sexuality until I was 15, after being interrogated for the millionth time at school about my orientation, or lack of it. After doing some Googling as soon as I got home, I realized for the first time in my life that I might not be broken, that I wasn't alone in my experience, and that it wasn't a defect I had somehow brought on myself. I had spent the entirety of my adolescent life trying to answer people's invasive questions without having the language to explain that I was just an asexual girl.

But even after I found the language, I had only solved half of the problem. We are taught in grade school that we'll become sexually interested in others, but never that not being sexually attracted to anyone is an option. Because we're not taught about it, no one else knew what I was talking about when I tried to come out to them as asexual.

Many don't believe asexuality is real,  and that makes the experience of navigating our heteronormative, hyper-sexualized society as an asexual person even harder. I've spent my life battling misconceptions about it and so have many other asexual people. Now, I try to use my work as a model and activist to raise awareness and change the way our society perceives asexuality and asexual people. This Asexual Awareness Week, I'm busting some of those myths about my orientation.

Now, let's separate fact from fiction:

Myth: Asexual people have no sexuality ✘

Truth: Asexuality is considered a sexuality, just like bisexuality, heterosexuality, and homosexuality. I often phrase it as being a sexual orientation where your sexuality isn’t oriented anywhere—because it isn't actually the same as having no sexuality or sexual feelings. Asexual people have hormones like everyone else. It isn’t uncommon for asexual people to masturbate and there are asexual people who still have sex for various reasons and gain enjoyment from it. Some asexual people are romantically attracted to others, but not sexually attracted. Since asexuality is a spectrum, the ways in which asexuality is experienced can vary in different ways.

Myth: Asexuality is a lifestyle choice ✘

Truth: This misconception stems from the idea that asexuality is a choice and not a legitimate sexual orientation. Asexuality is often confused with celibacy or abstinence, probably because they can manifest in similar ways. In contemporary society, celibacy is often defined as being sexually abstinent, often for religious reasons. Sure, for many asexual people, their asexuality means that they aren’t interested in having sex with other people, but that’s a result of their orientation—not their beliefs about sexual behavior. Celibacy is a lifestyle choice, asexuality is not. Asexuality also shouldn't be confused with being an incel. People don't decide to become asexual because they can't find sexual partners or because of any other circumstances. It isn't a state of being when you're going through a "dry spell," nor is it a choice any more than being gay or straight is a choice. It's just the way we are.\

Myth: Asexuality is an illness ✘

Truth: The assertion that asexuality is a mental or physical disorder is incredibly harmful to asexual people and has led to false diagnoses, unnecessary medication, and attempts at converting asexual people. For example, Female Sexual Interest/Arousal Disorder and Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder — which are characterized by low or absent sex drive — are in the DSM-5 and have been thought of as a medical diagnosis for asexuality. But the difference is that people who have HSDD are bothered by their lack of sexual drive, while asexual people are not. But even the inclusion of HSDD as a diagnosis is controversial — some argue that people who are asexual might feel distress at their lack of sexual desire because of lack of acceptance in society. Asexuality is not the result of a hormone deficiency, or a syndrome, or a physical or psychological ailment. Research has said as much. We don't need to be treated or fixed.

Myth: Asexual people have anti-sex attitudes ✘

Truth: There are asexual people who are repulsed by the thought of sex, or by the thought of having sex themselves. I fall into the latter category. However, that feeling does not necessarily extend to what other people are doing. The misconception that asexual people are against other people expressing their sexuality, and that all asexual people can’t stomach conversations about sex, is quite an alienating one. It leads to asexual people being left out of important discussions about sexuality. It is entirely possible and incredibly common to have sex-positive attitudes and be asexual.

Myth: There are barely any asexual people ✘

Truth: Don't let our lack of visibility and representation fool you. There are a lot of asexual people out there, but many of us aren't entirely out, and some haven't realized that there's a word for what they're experiencing due to that lack of visibility. While research into the asexual population is lacking, its estimated that around 1% of the population is asexual—but that's based on a studies where the participants have likely known what asexuality was and been out enough to identify that way. It's likely there are more asexual people than we know of, but even if we did only comprise 1% of the population, that's still tens of millions of asexual people.

Myth: Asexual people just haven’t found the right person yet ✘

Truth: The idea that asexual people just need to meet the ‘right person’ who will unlock their sexual desire and ‘fix’ their asexuality is one I’ve always found quite perplexing. It’s an argument that seems to be applied to asexuality more than other orientations. You wouldn’t tell a straight guy that they just “hadn’t met the right man yet" as an explanation of why he's attracted to women. I’d like to think that most wouldn’t tell a gay man that they “hadn’t met the right woman yet” either. It suggests that our sexuality is reflective of our company, that no one we have ever seen or encountered has met our standards, and thus we haven’t experienced sexual attraction to the extent that the term ‘asexual’ could be applied.

This assumption ignores and invalidates all of the asexual people who have found the ‘right’ person—the asexual people in happy, fulfilling, loving relationships or who have had them in the past. Because, yes, asexual people can still have romantic relationships, or any other kind of relationship. The validity of a relationship is not and should not be based on how sexually attracted you are to that person. This statement also plays into the notion that asexual people are “missing out” on something and haven’t truly discovered our entire selves, that we are incomplete because of our innate characteristics or our life experiences. This isn’t true either.\

Myth: There’s an asexual demographic ✘

Truth: Even though most people don’t know much about asexuality, they still have quite a specific idea about what asexual people are like. I’ve often heard that, as a black woman and a model, I don’t look or seem asexual. We’re stereotyped as being awkward white kids who spend too much time on social media and probably aren’t attractive enough to find a sexual partner if we wanted to. And if we are attractive enough, then we should tone that down as not to ‘give mixed signals.’ But there is no asexual way to look or dress. Asexual people have varying ages, backgrounds, interests, appearances, and experiences, just like those belonging to any other sexual orientation. So please don't use the term "asexual" as an adjective to describe someone you think is sexually unappealing or as an insult, because that's only perpetuating this harmful stereotype.

Makeup: Margherita Lascala

Photography: Becky Gannon

Hair: Kayla Idowu

Styling: Diesel, Cheimsee, Sixth June, Northskull, Lamoda

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Sometimes I really hate being neurodivergent. I know I should be proud, but I can’t help wishing I was neurotypical instead. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel like a liar when identifying as aroace due to the way I love. It’s easier to defend the ace since I’m sex-repulsed/neutral but the aro part? I love love, I love romance. There are days where I’m fed up with society’s view of romance and its “importance”, but I’m mostly romance-favorable. But the whole attraction part? I feel no difference between the way I feel for my cat or my partner. I love them. Easy as that. Sex is pretty gross and meaningless to me. I don’t get the hype and would rather clean my toilet. I’d probably get more out of that to be honest. But then I see people being so sure of their attraction, whether it exists or not, and I feel like I’m too allo to be ace. Like I can’t use these terms because it’s very likely that I do feel this attraction. Someone give me a piece of cake and send me to nowhere with it where I can live in peace until I die

Honestly I think that sort of gray area or in between area for platonic and romantic where you're not sure what you're feeling or feelings feel the same is a very aro experience in itself. And personally I tend to look at aromanticism more as someone who's experiences don't match or don't fit alloromantic people's experiences. That how you experience or romantic spectrum identity is just somehow different.

There is a whole set of identities too that are about that kind of gray area between (or separate from) the romantic/platonic binary.

For example you may be interested in Nebular-romantic, which is someone who because of neurodivergency has trouble distinguishing between romantic and platonic attraction.

Quoiromantic is another big one I'd recommend looking into. And that's a very large umbrella term for anyone who either wants to disidentify with the concept of romantic attraction/romance/romantic orientation, or who finds it inaccessible, inapplicable, nonsensical, not useful, etc.

A lot of people who aren't sure what they're feeling find quoiromantic to be a really useful label for them. (There's also a really great article on Quoiromanticism here)

(Other common identities in this spectrum are idemromantic, platoniromantic and alterous attraction, if you want to explore more, but don't feel like you have to if you're not interested.)

For being ace I definitely recommend looking to gray-asexuality as a well. Which was coined specifically for being that gray area between allo and ace, and that line you had about feeling to allo to be ace reminded me a lot of that label. Especially because it sounds like allosexual as a label doesn't feel like it fits you right either. And quoisexual is also the sexual spectrum equivalent of quoiromantic. So that's something else you can look into or consider.

I definitely get the frustration, I think it's always a lot harder when you don't have something tangible you can hold onto or a clear cut category you can put your feelings into. And that always invites doubt because the less defined something it is the easier it is to think you may have it wrong.

But hopefully some of these labels here help, or at least gives you a direction to look into and feel less alone.

All the best, Anon! Good luck!

[anendoandfriendo]

If it's okay for us to add (just, having a fairly similar-ish situation), does found family not exist to these people?

[Note: the rest of this post is going to be a discussion on how amatonormatity and allonormativity don't affect only aromantics and asexuals — they affect queer plural systems too. In the context of being sysian as its own valid umbrella orientation, but hopefully applicable to other situations. On how fiction is never a direct 1::1 but that's precisely why we can't just universalize our experiences with fiction.]

It...reeks of a specific kind of amatonormatity and allonormativity (and yes we're using BOTH of those words, they are technically separate oppressions) that you only really see with white conservative neurotypical* able-bodied non-queer christians. :v

Emphasis on that "conservative" part and that "neurotypical" part, because, as we put it: Lucy Heartfilla isn't any less of a lesbian just because she likes the women in our system specifically and only*; we also don't think ❤️ and 💜 became parentless just because they fell through a hole in the ground and ended up here but it sure did give them some perspectives they didn't know existed (even for their existing relationships).

The people who go "but they're like brothers!!! 😭😭😭" can kiss our sysian-plurid** ass and if anyone ever implies it has to do with "healing" as opposed just us just being us, they can kiss our [redacted] too we guess. 💋

It happens more often to us for people than concepts, but, sometimes we look at a (romantic or sexual) (fictional relation)ship and go "oh! that seems very interesting." and then we get a few people who are A Unit, Do Not Separate. Or sometimes two or three people look at each other, go "holy shit that's possible?" — and then we have A Unit, Do Not Separate. Uh. Sorry, it's early in the morning for us again so we hope this makes sense to someone/somesys.

Also, society-wise, if the dominant peoples (singlets) are gonna treat sysian like it's the same as selfcest, we might as well — so that entire argument there just...doesn't work very well on us.***

And sometimes, we just fucking like to read fiction weather or not it has any affect on us at all beyond being something we decided to read. Hello?

So while this is very much a YMMV thing — actually, why are we saying "while" here lol. We agree with OP that, like, people should maybe stop universalizing what are extremely personal experiences.

*we cannot believe we have to say PLURALITY is inclusive under the ND umbrella. Stop treating it as only adjacent to NDhood. "Singlet" is included in NT and we shouldn't have to specify this, but, unfortunately it seems basic thinking skills are at an all-time low. :/

** this may or may not be the case for you OP — but we do see this narrative more often than the one that applies to us — which is, "sometimes coincidences just exist in a person. When there is SIX HUNDRED of those, and you're a generative system/you keep growing, the chances those coincidences will intersect gets Quite High for each person." — thus our need to put a whole footnote here.

*** we have feelings on this that aren't AS revelant to the discussion. we might put those feelings as their own (shit?)post.

I'm going to be brutally, bluntly honest and vulnerable for a moment.

I don't have any positive familial connections. I don't have any mothers or fathers, or sisters or brothers or aunts or uncles or cousins who were supportive, or caring, or loving, open or gently teasing to me.

That's why I don't understand at all what people are feeling when they say "I can't ship them, they're like siblings!" or "he's like a father to her" etc.

I can't look at a relationship between two characters-- who are not blood related-- who are supportive, caring, loving, dependable, open or gently teasing and see a relationship that somehow feels romantically taboo.

I look at a relationship that is caring, loving, open, teasing, comfortable, etc and I see romance.

I genuinely don't have a yardstick to evaluate what people are seeing when they see a relationship like that and it makes them uncomfortable to ship because it reminds them of their family. I don't know what that feels like.

And that's why I ship so many things that people call "sibling coded" or "found family" etc. Because I don't look at them and see family.

I look at them and I see the people who saved me from my family.

[wolf-queer-discourse]

Adventures in Aphobia #3

My last two Adventures in Aphobia both took on similar flavors of eye-rolling at shameless, obvious bigotry to anyone willing to look or care. But today, I found a different type of aphobia, and I’m actually eager to talk about this one. Have a read of this first.

Look, the bar of respect for ace people is so low it’s all the way in hell, but I mean, to many people, especially allosexual people, they may look at this post and think, “No, this isn’t aphobia. The poster wasn’t blatantly cruel.” But what some fail to realize is that politeness can be the thinnest of veils over the ugliest of takes. Polite bigotry gaslights the victims into thinking they can’t be upset about this.

So what’s the deal with this post?

PARAGRAPH #1 starts off innocently enough, saying ace discourse wouldn’t exist if people recognized complex relationships to sex and relationships. Even taken on its own, I do not agree with this. Ace discourse ranges all the way from outright denial of asexual existence to the strong hatred for and exclusion of aces from the queer community. Nearly everyone recognizes people have complex relationships to sex...that...that doesn’t mean ace people won’t be discriminated against. In fact, it’s an argument aphobes use constantly to try and gaslight ace people into erasing themselves. Ace discourse comes from a lot of places, but at the end of the day, it all stems from people’s refusal to acknowledge ace people and their unique experiences. This poster absolutely does not get to say “IT’s CoMpLicAteD”, and expect ace people to just disappear. Honestly, it’d be better and more honest if they said “Lol, ace people should go fuck themselves and hop to the back of the line with everyone else.”

PARAGRAPH #2 and #3 are not very objectionable on their own. Everything said is true. Society has very complicated views on sex, and life happens to all people. The ugly part of this is that the poster is setting up an argument here in which they will hand wave ace people into the “everyone else” crowd and pretend as if we’re all just too similar and no labels should even exist.

This is literally what enby-phobes do. They say “Well, gender is COMPLICATED”, which is true, but then they say “So like...aren’t we all really nonbinary when we think about it? Why should enby people label themselves?” I swear we’ve all seen this. The poster is agender. This argument could easily be whipped in their face. Different forms of bigotry can share very clear overlaps, and it’s very important to acknowledge where these arguments come from and why they exist. It exists as a way to shut people up. It happens to bi people too! Every day, people come out as bi and someone tells them “pff, everyone thinks girls are hot. I had a crush on my best friend once, that doesn’t mean I’m not straight! All people are like this!” Let’s call out this erasure where we see it. It’s not the same thing, and if anyone saying stuff like this truly believes what they’re saying, maybe they’re the ones who need to reevaluate their own identity.

PARAGRAPH #4 dips its ugly toes straight into blatant aphobia, having the gall to call ace and aro people “obsessed” with pretending their relationships with sex and romance are wholly unique and different. Nah, fuck right off with that bullshit. The poster even goes on to say ace people have created entire new social classes. Uh...WHAT? Is there some secret ace society with a caste system living in the shadows?? What is this person talking about?? I suppose you can’t be a true bigot unless you have some vague grievance to weakly hand-gesture at that you couldn’t prove given 20 years to do so. For the love of my sanity, just say you hate ace people! It’s okay! (I mean, not actually, but Jesus Christ does it save us all some time). They also say things like “somehow excluded from”. Replace asexual people with nonbinary people and take a joyride through this section, because the arguments are scarily similar. What would it take for this poster to acknowledge ace and aro people have their own experiences? Seriously, what? What holds you back from doing this?

It’s also funny to note the actual lack of substance to this argument. The poster is not giving any specific examples or even bringing up what being ace and aro mean. Yes, there is a pretty noticeable difference between feeling sexual attraction and not feeling sexual attraction. How many “allo” people do you know that say they’ve NEVER experienced this? Come on. The poster reduces asexuality and aromanticism down to allo people’s, in their own words, hyper-specific contexts where they don’t want sex or love. At least the poster admits any circumstance that allo people are comparable to ace people are extremely specific. But for real, are we hinging a whole argument on a few very specific examples of allo people having some similarity to ace people?

“Nothing about your relationship to sex or love makes you more or less LGBT. If you are gay and don’t want to have sex, ever, you are still gay. “

Mini strawman alert for the idea any ace person thinks you’re less gay if you’re also ace. And bonus points for an aphobe who refuses to use the definition of asexuality: not experiencing sexual attraction, and instead goes for “don’t want to have sex”. For the last. Fucking. Time. Not wanting to have sex and being asexual are NOT the same. Don’t make me pour gasoline in my eyes every time I see this.

After this, the poster goes on a tangent, which by the tone, seems to think it's very inspiring, and says no matter how you want to have sex (including only certain days of the week), you’re still straight! It’s so fucking condescending and gross to talk ace people out of their own identity like this.

“EVERY person who is heterosexual is different in how they perform or experience.”

Oh. My. GOD. THEY DIDN’T EVEN SAY STRAIGHT. THEY SAID HETEROSEXUAL. WUGGYUEGYUG. God help me. Can one be both bisexual and heterosexual? No…? Okay. So then. How is one both asexual AND heterosexual? What single brain cell in this poster’s head was responsible for this Chad of a sentence? I—

*deep breath* 

So. It’s interesting how the poster says “perform or experience it”. Asexuality is an identity. It is not a performance, and it is not defined by your actions. A straight person not having sex does not become asexual. And sure...people with the same label can experience their sexuality differently, but...to a point, guys. You can’t experience your sexuality out of the DEFINITION of the label. Heterosexual: Sexual attraction to the opposite gender. Asexual: Sexual attraction to no one. If a “heterosexual” isn’t sexually attracted to anyone, they are by definition, not heterosexual. It takes insane mental gymnastics to make this argument, so A for flexibility, I guess? 

“Gayness, straightness, and bisexuality are not defined by HOW you do or don’t want sex or HOW you do or don’t want to date, it’s just defined by WHO you want to be with.”

The first part of the sentence is correct, but it also defeats this person’s entire argument. Ace people AGREE with this. Being asexual is not the act of not having sex!! It’s not experiencing sexual attraction! You can google this! The second part of the sentence is mostly correct, depending on your interpretation. The issue is in part with the words the poster used: gayness, straightness and bisexuality. These words are not all equivalents. Gay could refer to sexual and or romantic orientation. Thus an ace gay person. Straightness is not actually an equal word to gayness. This is because straight is an exclusive term for a normative sexuality (in society’s eyes) in terms of sexual and romantic attraction. Some ace people DO call themselves straight, though it’s inaccurate. Ace people can be heteroromantic, but because being straight is so exclusive, you need to be both sexually AND romantically attracted to only the opposite gender.

The post basically ends telling ace people they’re all actually straight and were just confused the whole time. Lovely. And an erasure of gay aces too! Believe it or not, gay ace people do not like having their ace identities erased. Who’d have guessed?

Honestly, if anything this post is just kind of sad. A sad reflection of what people believe and how they truly do not see their own bigotry. They believe they’re freeing ace people from an incorrect label. They’re the heroes.

They’ll say “it’s okay, you’re not asexual” as if they've like...lifted a burden off of ace people. Like, “Oh, you think I’m not asexual? Cool, cool. Glad you cleared that up for me!” It’s sad how aphobes think, some very genuinely, that asexuality is just some high school party that went off the rails, and we’re all just coming out of the drunken haze, ready to go home. Ready to all laugh about it later, tease one another about how wild and silly it all was. 

Having your identity erased like this is fucking horrible, and I hope people like this can take a look in the mirror and see themselves clearly. All ace and aro people have a right to their identity, whether gay, bi, heteroromantic or anything else. End of story.

[booksandwords]

Loveless by Alice Oseman

Read time: 5 Days Rating: 4/5

The quote: You know why people pair up into couples? Because being a human is fucking terrifying. But it's a hell of a lot easier if you're not doing it alone. — Ellis

In the interest of full disclose this is an almost automatic 5 star book for me. Any book that features an aro/ace protagonist and treats them with respect and dignity will get 5 five stars, any writing plot or character other flaws be damned. The world needs more aro/ace representation where we aren't the best friend or something to be fixed. But even without my usual aro/ace crusading, this likely would have been a 5. The character are individual, realistic and oh so human, the plot is centred on identity and confusion but is written in a manner that it is readable. And it is oh so relatable for an ace (aro? demi? grey? my romantic orientation is up in the air) who found out well after school what they were. The anger, confusion, sense of overwhelm, and the bizarre sense of mourning due to the loss of what was impressed on you as the normal. One of the best phrases in the book may be "Says who? The Hetronormative rulebook? Fuck that Georgia Fuck that." and you know what amen to that Rooney. The ending is satisfying but still open as is only right for something written for this demographic. This isn't the end of their story it is only the start.

It is worth saying that for those of us who are ace and comfortable with their identity are aware very early on what is going on with Georgia. Georgia is an anxious, touch averse Ace who is trying to force herself to be "normal". With an extended family of almost perfect hetronormative ideal relationships, met early married had kids that have been subconsciously impressed on her as the future and expected of her. Combined with her love of fanfiction it had to be her to the idea that there is the perfect person for everyone. As stated in the intro to this review Georgia is very realistic in her reactions to her newly discovered identity. Confusion, anger, mourning, insecurity. I personally felt all of these and I know others in the community did as well to varying degrees. Georgia does have a conversation with the wonderful Ellis, an ace in her 30s who had to discover her identity and learn her way on her own. Moments leading up that earn this a trigger warning for something that may or may not be alluding to conversion therapy, either way, it is slightly distressing. Ellis is a beautiful woman and a great inclusion. She is a successful woman, making her own way and living her life regardless of what others think.

A moment on the character who for me is the absolute stand out. Sunil is Georgia's College parent, they end up being a something of fairy godace for Georgia. They would hate that term, but it's so fitting for me. Sunil is a homoromantic nonbinary ace with the preferred pronouns they/him (Georgia/ Oseman use him never they), he is the one who introduces the term asexual to Georgia and tells her the potential of it. I really like him, he makes me smile. No one in an Alice Oseman book is two dimensional in their identity (racial, romantic or sexual), Sunil is no exception. He is handled well with the respect of an only slightly older figure, one who is still not entirely set on their feet. And while Georgia is cis white as well as being an enby Sunil is of Indian descent.

The other supporting characters are Rooney, Pip and Jason. Rooney is Georgia's Shakespeare obsessed roommate. They meet on the first day of university and are total opposites. I like their relationship. It's non-traditional but love in a way I want to see more of. Georgia is loyal despite all of Rooney's actions. Pip and Jason are Georgia's best friends. Pip is chaos, Georgia is silent and Jason is clam. They are something of an odd combination but it works well. Jason and his love of Scooby-Doo is both funny and cute. They are all individual and that there is some conflict between them is a good thing.

This is relatable for aces in a similar way to I Was Born For This was relatable for fandom. I would say that if you enjoyed I Was Born For This for its fandom aspects you will enjoy this, even more, fandom specifically fanfic is part of Georgia and her romantic education such as it is. Georgia (, Sunil and Ellis) face misunderstandings about their sexuality. Those phrase aces hear and hate. Sunil's is particularly important they face bigotry from other members of the LBGTQ community, where it is called a made-up sexuality. Georgia gets the 'you'll find the right person', 'have you tried...', 'what about when you are older'. We've all heard them and I could hear the tone. Some of the statements are apologised for others are not, the ones that are are important and say a lot about the importance and development of the character.

A random dump because concise reviews are not possible for Alice Oseman books.

Tommy ending up in the fire is funnier than it should be. I see all kinds of unwarranted metaphors.

Fried Egg is the cutest nickname that would make no sense to anyone but the participating people involved.

Kinsey Scale Test is something hadn't heard of but yeah that is a result a questioning person doesn't want to see.

QUILTBAG is an acronym I had never heard in the LGBTQ community. It's not new, I found it in a 2012 article, where I found this definition it is a good article. "It stands for QU is for queer and questioning, I for intersex, L for Lesbian, T for transgender and transsexual and Two-Spirit, B for bisexual, A for asexual and ally, and G for gay and genderqueer. Even with all those letters, we’ve missed some of the possibilities (such as pansexual and fluid, both of which are identities I’ve heard people claim), but QUILTBAG still offers a rainbow of different ways to identify. It’s also a lot easier to say than LGBTQIA (which is what I started using after I realized how exclusive LGBT and queer were)."

Am I the only one who doesn't know what the Bailey Ball is? They aren't an Australian thing. Well, that and I studied uni by distance.

Rooney and Ellis make some brilliant points about friendship and its importance to aces. The way it is made lesser than romantic relationships in general.

Apparently all the Oseman books are set in a common universe, the easiest evidence of this in Loveless is in the reference to Universe City from Radio Silence.

Roderick the plant as a metaphor was smart. I quite liked it.

This is a really quotable book there are fantastic quotes about love, friendship and maturity.

As an aside. The protagonist brings up her love of fanfic early in the book. There is there are precious little aspec fanfics out there. Mostly one would suspect because sex makes the tv industry go-round (see Shadowhunter and Riverdale for their treatment of originally aroace characters). As Clotpolesonly wrote in reply to me "aspec AUs are practically unicorns, they're so rare in fandom". One fandom that does have fanfics for them is Teen Wolf. Derek Hale can easily be read as an aspec (usually closer to the demi or grey part of the spectrum). So even if you don't know the show have a fic rec Magic and Drag Queens and Lizards, Oh My by clotpolesonly. Also That's When I Knew by Stennerd, this is for the 911 fandom pairing is Buddie, demisexual. There are I know more but not nearly as many as there are for some others.