#its just. I love the friendship so much it was genuinely made me cry before

[sapphiclinos-moved]

not diagnosing anyone but lee know has made me so much more confident to be visibly autistic in my day to day life

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - It's weird where I am right now, Okay?

Organized, in each category, by ones I'm enjoying most at the top. However, I've put quite a few on hold for travel reasons.

Oct 2023 Wk 4

Only a few screen shots for you this week, my hotel wifi is actually THAT bad.

Ongoing Series - Thai

My Dear Gangster Oppa (Thurs iQIYI) 1 of 8 - Classic unlucky in love failed crush on straight bestie = both v queer and v emo yaoi. I gotta say I like these actors way better in this than their previous series, and maybe that’s because Tew is more like Tul and I just like Meen better when he’s… erm… mean. All of which is to say, this is off to a wonderful start and I am about to lose my very sleep deprived little mind... ready for a ABL ecstasy rant?

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH I CAN'T EVEN.

"I play support because that way everyone is happy to see me show up," might be the single best moment of characterization BL has EVER seen.

Look here, in the grand cornucopia of BL universes this is my metaverse. It's pulp... but relatively high production. It has an established pair that I know I like... but who were given crap before. It's a tidy little script, it's not gonna run too long, and it's ALL the archetypes and tropes I love but rarely see. It's Japan's style otaku plus Korea's style gangster, Thailand's style friendship group, and it arrived out of NOWHERE. It's Korea's IP & money, Thailand's talent, and China's streaming service.

Do we know what the hell is going on?

No we do not.

Do we care when it's this much fun?

No we do not.

(In this I speak for everyone... no, EVERYONE.)

This show I why I got into BL.

Don't bother me with trifles. Me and My Dear Gangster Oppa are sailing off into the infinite pixilated sunset together, thank you very much.

Dangerous Romance (Fri YT) ep 11 of 12 - I managed to watch most of it on low rez before YT "discovered" I was in Asia and therefore could not be allowed to watch Asian shows. (AKA my VPN failed me.) But it seemed like a good ep.

My Universe (Sun iQIYI) Lucky Love ep 10 of 24 - I enjoyed this 2 part installment, it’s a bit of a sad sack recovery SAGA, but the acting is genuine, the couple believable, and the story felt particularly queer to me. 7/10 but close to an 8. It was really quite charming.

However: Next week looks not good on many levels - it's horror and I spotted guitar. Which is even more horrific. 

Absolute Zero (Thai Weds iQIYI) ep 5 of 12 - do temporal paradoxes exist in Thailand? That is the question. I gotta say Tor (Ongsa) is carrying this show and is doing a really great job, it's just the story itself doesn't resonate with me. Ugh it's so sad.

Is it, indeed, better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?

We only on ep 5 and had a full story arc already, there is A LOT more to go.

Venus in the Sky (Tues iQIYI) 9 of 10 eps - the fact that in losing Sky Venus also lost his surrogate family explains his resulting bitterness a little bit more. I wish we had gotten this back story much earlier. Still stupid pulp made me cry, which of course means it's back in my good books. This story is slow as fuck, but I'm going on a rollercoaster with it.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Kiseki: Dear to Me (Taiwan Tues Viki & iQIYI) ep 11 of 13(?) - I love them, okay? All of them. This is a great sappy classic Taiwanese BL and it is my baby and you can’t take it away from me. MINE. 

You Are Mine (Taiwan Fri Viki) eps 8 of 10 - oh noes it got sad, I thought they would at least would have had drunken sex before the drama. Sigh. Still the kissing was good, as it should be from Taiwan.

If It’s With You AKA Even If I Fall In Love With You AKA Kimi to nara Koi wo Shite Mite mo’ (Japan Gaga) ep 4 of 5 - Amane is so brave. About being gay. Being out. Confessing. Its admirable if scary. Otherwise this ep was pretty slow. 

Bump Up Business (Korea Gaga) 3-4 of 8 - how do I feel about this show? Conflicted. Are OnlyOneOf doing a great job? Yes, actually. Am I enjoying it? No, not really. Is this anyone's fault? I don't think so.

The little linguistic negotiation was cute tho. And we seem to have gotten idols kissing in a BL both in the same group, so that glass ceiling dildo has finally been broken.

NineMill are unexpectedly good, also KB plays a great evil ex. Of the 3, I think only Nine is good enough to go into acting permanently (but he's not tall enough). Still, all hail OnlyOneOf... kings of the "gay concept." You boys make me v nervous but as couple-branding goes, you just out branded Thailand. Mad props baibies. Legit never thought I'd see the day.

Trust Korea to be in it to win it.

Mr Cinderella 2 (Vietnam Sat YT) ep 6 of ? - i pretty much just forgot to watch this.

It's Airing But...

I Feel You Linger in the Air (Fri grey) ep 8 of 12 - I will try to watch and do a series review in November but... not sure I will be able to. Fingers crossed.

Love in Translation (Sat iQIYI) ep 8fin - completed but I couldn't catch the last ep, my final thoughts in Nov.

Only Friends (Sat YT) ep 12 fin - completed, but see afore mentioned YT issues. I'll review it in Nov. I anticipate better internet soon.

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 1 of 10 - I find this series more fun to binge, so I'm waiting until it completes its run.

I Cannot Reach You AKA I Can't Reach You AKA Kimi ni wa Todokanai (Japan Tues Netflix-Japan & ????) - in classic JBL fashion, I Cannot Reach You could not be reached. 

Can I Buy Your Love From A Vending Machine? AKA Sono Koi, Jihanki de Kaemasu ka? (Japan cinema release in-country only) - This one is a movie from Japan so in customary fashion who tf knows when (or if) it will get international distribution. Salaryman Ayumu Koiwai just can't tear his eyes away from the strong, muscular man as he checks on the stocks of the vending machine in his office.

One Room Angel (Japan Gaga) - adaptation of Harada’s manga of the same name (which I did not like) about a convenience store clerk who's stabbed, nearly dies, and returns home to find an angel waiting for him. With only 5 eps and a good chance this won’t end happy, I'm gonna wait and let you tell me how it goes.

Next Week Looks Like This

Upcoming October BL

10/31 SHADOW (Thai Gaga) 1 of 14 - this is a horror BL featuring ghosts and other paranormal elements in a high school setting. I'm not wild about Thai horror (or horror at all). It features Singto (who did paranormal BL He's Coming to Me) opposite Fluke N (who's done a couple horror's before). Also Fiat. Dan suffers from sleep paralysis, and in his dreams he sees a shadow that suffocates him. It gets worse when he transfers schools.

Upcoming November BL

11/3 Twins the series (Thailand ????) 1 of 10

11/17 Pit Babe (Thai) - Pavel my love!

11/19 Bake Me Please (OhmFluke but not, Thailand)

11/22 7 Days Before Valentine (Thailand) - horroresk

11/25 The Sign (Thailand) - horroresk

11/30 For Him the series (Thailand) - high heat

VIP Only (Taiwan) - may be delayed/canceled

Cooking Crush (OffGun, Thailand) - may be delayed, there some kinda gossip/rumor/shade happening at GMMTV

Wuju Bakery AKA Space Bakery (Korea) - this one may be DOA

2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED).

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

My Universe - I just enjoyed the angle of this kiss shot.

Uh huh. Sure, honey. (Bump Up Buisness)

COULD THIS EXPLAIN THE SNUFFLE KISS?!!!!

(Last week)

[graciegoeskrazy]

it happens to your family and your friends

George Daniel + Teen!Stepdaughter!xcx!r

Warnings: Angst (ofc its me), crying, suicide, mentions of pills, mentions of self harm, death of a child, funerals, grief

A/n: read the warnings, this wasn't requested this just came to me lolz, I think we could all use some George comfort

You and Jaycee met on the very first day of nursery school. She was the only kid who went out of her way to say hello, a simple gesture that instantly made your anxiety melt away. Her smile was so warm and genuine. You two were inseparable from that moment on. Every morning, you'd look for her in the crowded classroom, your eyes lighting up the second you spotted her familiar face. The two of you would sit side by side, sharing inside jokes and doodling on the edges of your notebooks, sometimes giggling so much that the other kids would glance over, wondering what was so funny. The teacher, inevitably frustrated by how much you talked, had to split you up. But that never really stopped you. During lunch, recess, and even walking home, you’d find ways to stay glued together, as if the world outside of your friendship didn’t matter as long as you had each other. This continued for the next nearly 10 years.

Now, you're just left with the silence where her voice used to be.

Most people would cry the moment they found out that their best friend died by killing herself. Most people would scream and curse out the world till their voice became horse, or sit in disbelief with tears for as long as they could, not being able to comprehend the news given to them.

You, however, were still. You didn’t cry, you didn’t scream. You didn’t move.

Your mum and George texted you telling you to come downstairs. Anytime a conversation starts with ‘we need to talk,’ It’s either marriage updates that you could care less about, someone is expecting a baby, or some other fun, life-altering announcement. But this time, as you descend the stairs, you notice the heavy silence hanging between them. They’re sitting side by side on the couch, hands clasped tightly together, and their expressions are tinged with something far from the usual joy. There’s a somber look in their eyes and a tension in the room that presses down on you as you settle into a chair across from them. You realize with a sinking feeling that this isn’t a moment for celebratory news; it’s something much, much heavier.

They offer you soft, reassuring smiles and gesture for you to sit on the coffee table in front of them. You can see your mum fidgeting, her fingers twisting a tissue between them as if searching for the right words. She takes a deep breath, her eyes darting to George for support before finally speaking, her voice barely above a whisper. “We just got a call from Mrs. Tommas… she said that you should be the first to know.” Her words are gentle but heavy, each syllable cloaked in a hesitance that only deepens your worry. She pauses as if waiting for the reality to settle in. The moment your mum started speaking, you knew exactly where this conversation was heading. You know what Jaycee had done. Still, you let your mum continue, watching her struggle to form the words, hiccuping slightly as if they physically hurt her. George rests a comforting hand on her thigh, offering silent reassurance, though his gaze remains fixed on you. There’s a flicker of worry in his eyes like he’s bracing himself, ready to catch you the moment you shatter.

“Yesterday, they found Jaycee in the bathroom with an empty pill bottle,” she begins, her voice faltering. “They called an ambulance, they… they tried to save her. But it was too late, my love.” Her words hang in the air, each one a weight that presses down on you, suffocating and cold. Charli dissolves into a quiet mess of tears, her shoulders shaking as she covers her face, while George’s own tears fall silently—a sight you never thought you'd witness from him. It only makes the reality feel sharper, more inescapable.

You look between the two of them, your gaze searching their faces as if they might suddenly pull back and tell you this was all some awful mistake. But they’re both avoiding your eyes now, too lost in their own grief to offer you the lifeline you desperately need.

“So… she’s gone?” you manage, the words barely more than a breath.

Charli tries to answer, but her hiccups have turned into soft, broken sobs, and she can’t force the words out. She reaches for George, tapping his arm—a silent plea for him to finish what she couldn’t. He clears his throat, wiping his own tears before he finally speaks, “Yeah, darling. She’s passed.” His voice is gentle but unyielding, and you can feel the finality of it settling over you like a cold shadow. It’s the confirmation that leaves no room for hope, no space to pretend anymore.

His words strike with a chilling finality, leaving you suspended in a numb, hollow silence. It’s as though the room has closed in on itself, the walls pressing tighter, stealing the air until it feels like you can’t breathe. Your mind races, trying to grasp onto something solid, something that can anchor you, but there’s nothing. Just a vast emptiness that stretches out, leaving you stranded in the reality you’ve been dreading.

You glance back at George, but even his familiar presence feels distant, blurred by the weight of what he’s just said. Charli reaches out and places a shaky hand on your knee, her fingers trembling as if she's the one needing reassurance. Yet, in this moment, words feel useless, utterly incapable of touching the enormity of what you’re feeling. All you can do is stare, unblinking, as the truth settles in like a stone in your chest.

Somewhere, in the back of your mind, a voice whispers that you should cry, scream, do something—but all you can do is sit there, motionless. You look down at your hands, resting in your lap, and they feel like they belong to someone else, like you’re watching this happen from somewhere far away. George shifts beside Charli, pulling her closer as she continues to sob, his gaze flickering back to you with a helplessness that mirrors your own.

The world feels unbearably fragile now, each second stretching out as you’re left holding this unbearable truth. Jaycee is gone. She’s really gone. The girl who knew all your secrets, who shared your laughs and your tears, is now just a memory, a hollow space in your heart that nothing can ever fill. The finality of it crushes down on you, and in that moment, you understand that things will never be the same again.

“The Tommas’s already let the school know, but they told them not to put any news out yet. They wanted to let you know first.”

“Okay.”

George spoke next. “If you need anything, and we mean anything, you tell us…Alright?”

You just nodded and said a simple “Okay.” when in reality, you were nowhere near it.

—-------

It’s been three weeks since Jaycee died, but the loss feels fresh, like an open wound that won’t heal. She had a long history of self-harm, her arms and legs etched with scars that told stories of battles fought in silence. But she'd never tried pills before—at least, that’s what she’d told you. You both trusted each other with the secrets that weighed heaviest, the fears and dark thoughts you couldn’t bear to share with anyone else. You weren’t strangers to this kind of pain; you understood it too well. In a way, sharing that burden with Jaycee made it feel just a little lighter. Together, you faced the darkness, feeling less alone, like there was someone who truly understood. She was your anchor, and you were hers. And now, she’s gone, leaving you adrift, struggling to fill the emptiness where your best friend once stood.

You’d never been to a funeral so large. It felt like the entire town had gathered, each person jostling for a place to grieve. Everyone who even remotely knew Jaycee was there, crowding the pews and lining the walls. Anger simmered beneath your sadness as you watched familiar faces—people who’d barely known her or, worse, those who’d once mocked her—standing among the mourners, their cheeks streaked with tears. They were crying, but did they really understand? Did they feel the same ache, the same hollow emptiness? Or were their tears for show, just another way to feel part of something they didn’t belong to?

George held your mom close as the three of you approached the open casket. She sobbed into his shoulder, her grip on him tightening, as if letting go would mean losing Jaycee all over again. Jaycee was like a second daughter to your family, woven into the fabric of your lives. You’d been the same to hers, which is why you were sitting in the front pew, right beside her mother and father. They knew, as you did, that not everyone in that room had truly known Jaycee. They might have felt sadness, but they didn’t feel the profound loss that came with truly knowing her. 

Because that’s what you were—you were the one who lifted her up, who held her hand through her darkest hours. You were the one who loved her in a way no one else did, who could make her laugh harder and longer than any joke, any meme, any movie. She was yours, and you were hers, bound by a friendship that had been as fierce as it was irreplaceable. It was always you. And now, you’re left with only memories, trying to hold onto the pieces of someone you loved more than words could ever say.

Everyone offered their condolences, their voices soft and their faces somber, because everyone knew you were more than just a friend—you were family. You took a week off school, though you’d tried to convince your mom to let you go back sooner. She wanted you to take at least two weeks, but eventually, you compromised on one. Those first few days were a blur of sorrowful faces and countless murmured “I’m sorry”s, as if the words could somehow ease the raw ache inside you. But none of it mattered. The apologies felt hollow, like empty platitudes you were supposed to accept out of politeness. You didn’t need their pity; you didn’t want their reassurances. Grief had made you numb to it all, and every “I’m sorry” only reminded you of what you’d lost, something far deeper than they could ever understand.

George and Charli’s worry deepened with each passing day. Having already lost one daughter, the sight of you retreating into yourself, the vibrant spark that usually lit up your presence now dulled, made it feel as though they were losing another. You weren’t your usual lively, vivacious self, and that emptiness weighed on them heavily. The worry lingered in their glances, in the way they hovered near, not knowing how to reach you but desperate to try. They’d lost Jaycee, but in your silence, it felt as if another piece of their family was slipping away.

A knock sounded at the door. “Come in,” you said, not looking up from your phone. George walked into the dim room. Only the light from the window on the far side of the room and the bright blue glow of your phone illuminated the space.

“I brought you dinner,” he said, holding up the fast-food bag.

“Thanks. You can just leave it on my desk.” You didn’t move from your spot on the bed, still not sparing him a glance.

He hummed. “You sure you don’t wanna come eat with Momma and me?”

“No, I’m good. I’ll just eat in here.” Your eyes stayed fixed on your phone.

He hesitated before speaking. “Then how will I know you’re even eating?”

That comment got you to look up from your phone. “What?” you asked.

He sighed. “You’re not eating, you’re not talking, you’re up throughout the night—”

“No, I’m not—” you said, finally sitting up to face him.

“Then why was there a half-eaten bag of McDonald’s in the trash yesterday, huh?” You were silent. He continued, “And why are you up in the living room at 3 a.m.?”

“I’m not—” you replied quietly.

“Stop lying to me, y/n.”

“Why are you interrogating me?”

“Why are you lying to us?”

Your voice turned sharp with anger. “Maybe because my best friend just killed herself,” you said, your voice slightly hoarse.

George fell silent, unsure of what to say. He finally spoke when you turned away. “y/n—”

“Get out.” You grabbed your phone and resumed your previous position, scrolling through the screen.

He tried again, “Baby, listen—”

“Get out, George.” Your voice was thick with anger.

George was taken aback. For one, you had never spoken to either of your parents with such force before. And secondly, you hadn’t called him “George” for at least a year and a half. He had always been (and you swore he always would be) “Dad.” He sighed, upset that you wouldn’t come to him and upset that he’d pushed you so far that you called him that. All he wanted to do was help. Both of your parents were more than worried when you hadn’t shown any of the typical signs of grief. Yes, it was normal not to cry or retreat from others when going through something like this. But being like this for so long started to scare both your mother and stepfather.

—-------

Like you have every single night for the past three weeks, you lay awake in your bed in the early hours of the morning. The last time you glanced at your phone, the time read 3:42 AM. If you had to guess, you’d been up since at least 1. You decided to continue your usual routine: drag yourself out of bed, rummage through the kitchen, and then sit on the couch in the living room.

You grabbed the thin throw blanket at the foot of your bed and wrapped yourself in it, looking for a little warmth as you made your way across the large house. Turning the corner into the living room, you saw George. The TV illuminated his features through the dim light. He was wearing a hoodie and sweats—the same pair he wore earlier that day—meaning he never changed or got ready for bed.

“Hey,” he said casually, looking up from the screen and meeting your eyes.

You tilted your head in confusion. “What are you doing up?” you asked, your voice still thick with drowsiness, longing for the sleep you didn’t get.

He shrugged. “Chilling. Waiting for you.”

“Why?” you asked, your eyes still adjusting to the bright TV light.

“Well... you’ve been up at this ungodly hour so many times. I wanted to see what all the fuss was about,” he said, softly smiling.

Then, and only then, did you start to break. You stayed silent, but George saw the gleam in your eyes and the way your chin started to wobble.

His face softened into a somber smile as he moved the blankets out of the way to make space for you next to him. “Come here.” He reached out, pulling you close as you settled beside him.

He enveloped you in a tight hug. You leaned against his shoulder, and he brought his chin to rest on top of your head. The only sound that could be heard was your quiet sobs, finally breaking free after nearly three weeks. “I miss her.”

“I know,” he whispered, holding you tighter.

“This isn’t fair.”

He nodded, his gaze distant. “I know.”

“She shouldn’t have left! This shouldn’t have happened!”

“I know, my love.” He paused, his voice cracking. “I keep thinking if there was something—anything—we could’ve done…”

You closed your eyes, the weight of his words settling in. “She shouldn’t have left,” you repeated, your voice barely a whisper.

He pressed a gentle kiss to the top of your head. “I’d give anything to bring her back for you. For all of us.” He pressed another kiss to the top of your head. “I’d do anything for you,” he whispered.

The force of your sobs caused your body to shake. George continued, “She wouldn’t want you to be sad, my love. She wouldn’t want this for you.”

“I could have helped her! I should’ve done something!” you hiccuped through your sobs.

George quietly shushed you. “You did everything you could,” he said. He held your face in his hands, wiping your tears away. “You were the best thing Jaycee ever had. You did plenty to make her life worth living. You’re not to blame for what she did. Understand?” You quietly nodded. “Good,” he said, bringing you back into his arms.

[ingravinoveritas]

Hello, I hope you are doing well!! I am going to add into the growing pile of asks in your inbox, but I need to get this out of my system!! Seeing these new images (and the season 3 announcement) has watered my crops, cleared my skin and all that jazz ✨🌟 both of them look soo happy and soppy and smitten and I really can't stop smiling at those pics... They radiate warmth (and are a far cry from the last pics of MS we got) and the best thing is, the people around them are looking like '😏😏 yes homo 🏳️‍🌈? If it is then good for them, good for them' (I even edited the pics XD)

Would love to hear more of your thoughts on this and I hope you have a nice holiday season (if you celebrate). Cheers 🥂

(Grouping these all together for ease of answering.)

Good lord, my inbox has completely blown up since last night. I can see we've all been greatly affected by the photo(s) of Michael and David at the Donmar, and there is surely much to discuss.

I think I am losing my shit just slightly too, so I am with you, @enchantingdefendorarbiter. What a joyous turn of events--opening night of Macbeth and Michael in (almost) the front row watching David with rapt attention, and someone somehow capturing the exact moment when they lock eyes from across the room in a "movie moment" made into genuine reality.

When I first saw the picture last night, I was so struck by the intimacy of it. Part of me wonders if this is due to the actual space--the Donmar is such a small theatre that lends itself to intimacy just by its nature, with the audience being so close to the stage and the performers. But there is no denying the intimacy that exists between Michael and David themselves--deep friendship, certainly, yes, but after looking at this photo, unquestionably the possibility of more.

As I've said before, I will not ever tell anyone that they have to ship Michael and David. It is absolutely correct for people to look at this picture and see best friends, because they are best friends. But being best friends and falling in love aren't mutually exclusive, nor does the possibility become closed off just because both of them are in other relationships.

So, intimacy. Another thing that intimacy can mean is feeling comfortable enough to show your feelings openly. That was what also struck me about last night, was that this was so public, and yet we got this (non-staged, non-planned) picture of Michael and David looking at each other ostensibly the same way they do when they're alone together. In this instance, maybe they thought no one was paying attention, but more significantly, they don't seem to care either way.

I think we think of "being in love" as this big, grand thing that exists the way it does in the movies. But in real life, being in love isn't just one specific thing, or specifically saying "I am in love with you." Being in love can also be I am looking at you like this right now because I don't know any other way to look at you. And that can be in private, or it can be in the middle of a crowded theatre, proudly letting the world see what you feel without apology.

(I also agree with you, @yami-no-kokoro, that the new pictures of Michael (which to answer your question @angelsandfelines are indeed from last night) are worlds away better than the ones we saw of him at a previous event. I am never not moved by the difference between Michael smiling his 'showbiz' smile versus smiling his real, genuine smile, and I love that that's what we got last night and that he was beaming so brightly because of David.)

To your comment, @phantomstars24, I could very much see that as well. Because last night felt and still feels like it was David and Michael's night. It felt like something took center stage in a new and painfully lovely way. It felt like Michael could go to David's dressing room with flowers and wine, and that they could sit on the couch and snog slowly and sweetly while Michael holds David in his arms and no one would blink a damn eye. And that is truly a beautiful thing.

So yes, those are my additional thoughts on the Macbeth press night. I have to do some traveling today, but I will try my best to answer the other Asks still waiting in my inbox. Thank you all for writing in and sharing your thoughts! x

[femboty2k]

WOAGH I got tagged by @elliegoose to do a thingy!

now the tag game was to introduce yourself with:

one tv show

one movie

one album

one video game

I, however, liked that they did two and I am ALSO cute and get to do whatever I want so im gonna do two, too.

TV shows: The Venture Bros. and Hilda

talk about opposite ends of the spectrum, eh? Now Venture Bros. will always come with an asterisk, that being that it's an Adult Swim show that was created in the early 2000s by two white guys. Its comedy, especially in earlier seasons, can be unsavory. I'm a big believer in things being imperfect though. Not every show can live up to every standard, and sometimes you just need to roll your eyes at jokes that were made 10-20 years ago. If you can get past that what you get is an excellent and genuinely fun world full of Spyfi and Superhero parodies with a good story to boot.

Hilda, on the other hand, is a show for younger audiences based on a kids book series that largely has to do with various pieces of Scandinavian folklore. I've watched Hilda all the way through twice, once on my own as it was coming out and then once with my wife, and its just so so so lovely. The colour tones of red blue yellow and white, the delightful music, the adorable cast of characters and creatures, its such a good time. One of the best cozy up and just vibe it out shows imo. In my top 5 for sure.

Movies: Everything, Everywhere, All at once and Wolf Children.

What hasn't been said about EEAAO? It won awards that it damn well deserved, its got a perfect cast, it makes me cry every time I watch it. A compelling story about family and change, and the monumental difficulties that can come with them, as well as how different people survive hardships in their life, all wrapped up in the most batshit thing you've ever seen. Clair De Lune, THE SONG I GOT MY NAME FROM, is the main theme and it makes me tear up every time. In every universe, I would love to do laundry and taxes with you, and watch this movie.

Wolf Children isn't far off from that vein. I consider it to be Studio Chizu's magnum opus and I don't say that lightly. From the presentation and voice cast to the music and gorgeous art used in the movie, not even to MENTION how good the story about family, change, growing up, and letting go is, if you don't cry in the first 30 mins you should evaluate your emotional status. This movie means so much to me, its such a gorgeous story, and more people should know about it. Studio Chizu doesn't have a single miss in my opinion, just lesser and greater movies. Wolf Children is hands down the greatest.

Albums: Get Lonely by The Mountain Goats and No Dogs Allowed by Sidney Gish

What??? Clair's top two isn't DnB or something techno related???? Nah dog, I get sad a lot and have a thing for poetry. Get lonely was an album I listened to in some of the worst years of my adult life. I was 20 living with my family who made me miserable in a state that was (and still is) trying to get rid of people like me, and I had very little things that were mine. Walking around downtown Bartow, Florida, in the two weeks of winter that hell state gets while listening to John Darniel sing about soft agonies while watching my breath dissipate into the air? That was mine, and it always will be. TMG in general is I think my favourite band. The poetry on display in every one of their songs is just, too beautiful for my dumb ass to put in any meaningful way.

No Dogs Allowed was an album I listened to while working a midnight shift job I hated while also living with my family. Its an upbeat, quirky, kind of melancholy romp with songs that bring me back to driving from Bartow to Lakeland hoping I could stop myself from either killing myself or fucking up my friendships, whichever came first. Spoiler alert, I'm still alive. It also reminds me of the last big thing I ever did with my sibling before I left Florida for good, which was go to the Tampa Bay Aquarium with them. Several songs from the album were on the playlist I made for us, and hearing them always makes me want to shoot them a message to see if they're doing okay.

Video Games: Night in the woods and Final Fantasy XIV Online

Night in the woods is very, very near and dear to my heart. I honestly don't know what to say. If you've played it you know how good it is. How well written the story of Mae and her mental health crisis is. How it goes over things like poverty and trying to get by/make a better life. Family struggles that they don't talk to you about, small hometown decay that seeps into your every memory until the place you grew up in looks like a collection of distorted rotting shapes. I play it once a year in the fall, and each time I do its like seeing an old friend again. At the end of everything, hold onto everything.

Final Fantasy XIV Online is a game you can play with your friends. I could go on and on and on about how I have 1300 hours in this game and how I met some good friends on it, and how important it is to me as a piece of writing and a community and an experience. But we'd be here all day. FFXIV was there for me in some very tough times. I met new people, I grew distant from others, I have regrets and joys that I still carry with me. If you can get into it with the right people, the game really is something special. Its something to be shared, its a bustling community with all the edges that come with that, its a world where you can be a 7ft. tall elf with green eyes and white hair, and its a part of me.

As for who I wanna tag: @problematicmilf , @ninefoldrin , @baphomets-hairy-bonkhonagahoogs , @mobileleprechaun , and anyone who sees this and wants to do it too. This was fun! Hope I don't seem too lame lol.

[thecrenellations]

Top 5 Lymond ships?

I’m going to keep this to romantic* ships, but my list of top 5 Lymond relationships of any kind definitely includes some platonic and family ones (and is even more difficult to confine to 5).

*other or additional adjectives may certainly apply…

click below for spoilers and because my answers got long. Augh, these characters!

Francis/Will - The nicknames! The fights! The stars! Strip tarocco and its narrative implications! Then the wedding day sheep battle, the tactical cross-dressing, “everything there was to know about Lymond’s way with women” ?!?!, the ring, the way Will is there at Midculter when Francis comes home in DK… They’re such a disaster, in hilarious and serious ways, but they make it through to real trust and friendship in the end, and I just love them.

Francis/Philippa - Their relationship is always important and telling and entertaining, and after a certain point but before the suffering sets in, they just keep making each other smile and laugh, by accident and on purpose. Reading their scenes in RC is like genuinely being in the room with them, with banter and chemistry that is PALPABLE and makes me into a third wheel, but as a reader I also have insights that they don’t, so I’m in on it too? Or something. They love each other so much! And after everything, they get to be together. Francis, you fool, this is what you should be!

Francis/Jerott - if you’d told me when I was in the middle of reading the series that they’d be on this list, I’d be like, “Uh, ok, sure. Dorothy Dunnett has changed my opinion about characters before.” If you'd told me when I had just finished the series, I’d go, “Huh??” But here I am. There is so much wrong with both of them, and we know it all too well, but they are so important to each other, and Jerott is one of the characters closest to the story's heart. Getting Jerott safely out of the disaster that is DK is one of the things Francis promises himself, and he’s so glad when Jerott decides to stay. Their relationship, especially in PiF, becomes deeply devoted and strange and delicate and absolutely full of self-deception on both sides. But Francis never stops trusting him, even when he’s busy running away from all of his own feelings with increasing speed, even when Jerott is being awful to him. And all the desperate conflict within Jerott distills to the essential element of being there for Francis, every time it comes down to it. Also, the way Jerott calls him his first name more than anyone else (on-page, in the series’ scope) messes me up.

Marthe/Güzel - I REALLY wish we’d gotten to see more of them. For Marthe, PiF is (among many other things) this long, agonizing breakup, but we only get a few clear glimpses of it. That scene between them in Djerba! Marthe plays a song wishing misfortune on the brother she knows her girlfriend is zeroing in on, and she cries because Güzel has happiness (does she though 😬) and she has none! And I cry too! And the whole mess that web of relationships becomes is fascinating (and one of the clearest examples of how queer these books are, yay), and there's also the parallels with Francis and Margaret, to consider? Anyway, to quote @sophosthewisebunny, Marthe deserves better than the shadiest bitch in the Mediterranean/someone who would leave her for her brother, but their relationship is very interesting.

Francis/Güzel - Rereading RC, every scene between them made me feel dead inside, while also making me want to run around screaming and then return to my book to savor every word. There’s so much going on with them, hardly any of it good, and since I was just thinking about the previous ship on the list, I have to wonder how their relationships to Marthe affect how they relate to each other, because that’s an interesting question, too.

honorable mention to Francis/Míkál, entirely because of this, and Francis -ahem- Lymond/Richard Chancellor, because another thing that happened as I was rereading RC was that I realized just how much I’d missed about how important they are to each other, in such a rare and needed way (the first time, I was busy losing it about the brother prophecy and yelling at Francis to be friends with Adam and Alec again).

[solarsonicsoda]

Rating 500+ Theme Tunes - #16: 6Teen

Haha, do you see what I did there?

This one is a classic to me, it's 6Teen! From the people who brought you would go on to bring you Total Drama, 6Teen is a show about six 16-year-olds who would hang out at the mall, get jobs, and have all sorts of interpersonal drama. At the end of the day, it was a comedy show, but with plenty of genuine emotional depth and character relationships, which was a theme for many of these FreshTV shows.

This show is so aggressively nostalgic for me. I honestly didn't watch too much of it, but it really stuck in my memory. Being in the UK, and relying on the free channels, my exposure to 6Teen came on a little known channel called PopGirl. I used to watch Pop a lot, or sometimes Kix, even watching some Tiny Pop in my younger days. Now, PopGirl was much more derided in my house, but sometimes, late at night, it would have the best looking lineup to a young Rebbie. It was then that I would check my surroundings before switching over to PopGirl.

6Teen always stuck out as something cool because it was for older kids than I was at the time, which is exactly what it was made for. We wanted more grounded, serious, and dramatic shows, even if we weren't ready for the genuine shows of that nature. It genuinely did a great job at this though, being funny while genuinely addressing some serious topics. 6Teen even had a canonical lesbian who is treated entirely respectfully! It also had a pretty diverse cast, with each cjaracter having different heritages. This show was so cool that 24 episodes were banned or censored in the US.

While I didn't see too much of this one, I really loved what I saw way back when, and I wanted to be just like this with a great friendship group and a cool mall when I was their age. We don't have malls in the same way, especially in as small of a town as I lived in, but I managed the first.

Anyway, let's get to that theme tune!

6Teen Theme Song

The opening guitar of this song is so brilliant, and takes me back instantly to the time period. It's so strong, and goes nicely into the simple guitar with the very 2000s vocals. The genuine emotion in these vocals is so awesome to me, like the 6Teen theme shouldn't go this hard. This guy really gives it his all and I salute him. There's so much energy here that really fits the coming-of-age vibe of the show, and the emotional lyrics compliment this all nicely. This song is genuinely perfect for me, and this may show how much the nostalgia is showing, but it just transports me.

Yet again, I have an alternative version I wanna mention. In the final episode, Brian Melo performs a slowed-down, mellow version of the song to end the show, saying goodbye as the character of Nikki leaves. Firstly, I love this trope more than life itself. Secondly, this version ALSO brings me back wildly to this time perfectly, it just sounds like the late 2000s to early 2010s in music. At least sad music. And I listened to this a lot in that time! I'm not afraid to admit it made me cry multiple times! This is a beautiful version of a great song.

To summarise, I think it's pretty clear that I absolutely adore this song, and there's no way I could give it any less than an S. They distilled a song just for me and put it on a TV intro. I have listened to this endlessly since I was a kid, because I always loved this show and its intro. I also loved its cameo in Total Drama Action, as well as the two shows' many shared voice actors. Easy S. Sorry!

Stay tuned for more and be sure to send in any suggestions for other shows you'd like to see done (after the 500 already in the pipeline that is). Check out the intro to this series here!

[arunneronthird]

august - fic recs (mature edition)

hi hello and welcome to my first rec list! as i said in previous posts, ill be doing a monthly rec list divided in two posts, a gen/teen and a mature/explicit version (if i have enough fics) and a masterpost where i link all my lists

fandom wise itll probably be all over the place, but i will add the length, important warnings, links and some comments on every fic so u may check them all out!

now without further ado

Fandom: DC

Some Magnetic Way I Move by Shenanigans

words: 11,224 (perfect for an evening)

rating and warnings: M, sexual content (not necessarily pleasant), recommend checking the tags seriously on this one

relationships: Roy Harper/Jason Todd

summary: roy is a kid who wonders near the ocean without any pirpose in life when he meets a creature that seems too good to be true, then life gets in the way, and roy gets in his own way even harder

notes: this fic has been obsessing me since i read it the first time, its dark and fucked up and completely too easy to get absorbed into, roy is a complicated, messed up man with a shitty life and a tendency to completely destroy himself and you cannot look away from him

this story moves along several years of roys life and his growth or lack thereof and its so easy to get lost in the pacing of this fic and just enjoy the ride, as hard as it gets

literally no need to know anything about dc, just read it and thank me later

Heroes of the Squared Circle by Mithen

words: 226,687 (yes, i wrote that right, it takes a good week)

rating and warnings: M, sexual content (theres one whole scene in a thousand pages), nothing past canon typical violence

relationships: Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne

summary: clark is a wrestler, so he follows his heart and joins a promotion where he meets bruce, cue their adventures as they work their way through a retelling of the best dc moments: wrestling edition

notes: OKAY HEAR ME OUT i did not like wrestling before i started this fic, i took a minute to get into it, the moment i got into it i could not stop

this is one of the most fun, most detailed, most passioned fics ive ever read, a love letter to dc and wrestling so vivid and transparent that it genuinely made me excited for it too, all the characters are treated with love and care and the main relationship is so exciting, u can feel the love they hold for each ohter but never overshadows the wonderfully crafted story and the genuinely engaging plot

(cried at the end cause of how much i loved it. i dont cry)

Fandom: Avatar: The Last Airbender

Below the Sun by CSHfic, VSfic

words: 24,853 (can be read in a long afternoon)

rating and warnings: M, no sexual content, i would consider it T but there is a good amount of injuries

relationships: Sokka/Zuko

summary: sokka and zukko get stranded on an island after a shipwreck and have to learn not to be at each others throats while waiting for rescue

notes: heartwarming and weirdly peaceful, though the inherent anxiousness of sokka being stranded and injured with an enemy nearby does get to you, easy to read and easy to love, honestly a good time through and through and a good reflection on friendship

if you havent watched atla (watch it) you can read this anyway, only minimum knowledge is required for this fic

Fandom: Modern Warfare

i like you alive by kaijusalad

words: 11,254 (another afternoon read)

rating and warnings: M, graphic violence and injuries, no sexual content

relationships: John "Soap" MacTavish/Simon "Ghost" Riley

summary: soap gets really injured in a mission and ghost has to get him out of there, somehow keep him awake, try not to die, and not panic and he is partially failing

notes: intense high-stakes fic, graphic and heart-wrenching and yet somehow very warm, incredibly easy to start praying for ghosts success cause hes... hes trying so hard! once you start reading you wont be able to stop until u reach the end, also anyone typing out accents has my unconditional love

no previous knowledge needed to read this fic, just brace yourselves (btw i dont know why but the tags in this fic are so funny to me)

Doing Time by MildLimerence

words: 53,566 (takes 2 or 3 days)

rating and warnings: M, graphic sexual content plus graphic violence, both to a preeeetty fucking explicit level so please check the tags

relationships: John "Soap" MacTavish/Simon "Ghost" Riley

summary: in a world where soulmates are scarce and sometimes even dangerous to other people or themselves, soap ends up getting himself arrested cause his mark makes him go a bit wild and, to his horror, activates when he finally arrives at prison

notes: listen, i hate soulamates (i love you on purpose) but theres something about the way this author writes them that gets me, the connection between soulmates is more of a telepathic, magnetic connection and the lack of it can make soulmates go completely feral, its not the beautiful thing everyone thinks it is

dont want to spoil much but dont be fooled by the summary, this baby has a whole plot prepared and though the dynamic between characters and dark elements are incredibly fun on their own, i ended up getting actually really hooked by the plot, reeeeally fun read

knowing who the characters are makes it an easier read but i dont think youll get lost if you dont

Fandom: Supernatural

like moses and batman and james dean by saltyfeathers

words: 31,587 (takes a couple days, def a couple breaks)

rating and warnings: M, graphic sexual content, not all of it fun, gets pretty dark so check the tags and the authors notes

relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester

summary: dean used to turn tricks to make sure he had enough money to care for his brother, now that he has met cas, his issues with intimacy resurface with a vengeance

notes: not an easy fic to read, heavy topics are touched and you feel genuinely bad for dean but the characterization is so perfect that i tend to think of deans past here as canon, as messed up as it is

even though the topics are dark, the fic doesnt dwell on the worst stuff, there are no scenes written for shock value, its a tasteful take on dark topics, its just heartbreaking and powerful, it will make you root for the main characters, hard

if you dont know these characters you may be pretty lost but you definitely only need a basic idea of the show

[steelycunt]

ten books 2 know me!

thank for you the tag @pancakehouse @fruity-individual @serethereal @rollercoasterwords !

-> skulduggery pleasant, derek landy.

starting with this one because this WAS my childhood i was. i never read percy jackson never read twilight read [redacted] and it wasnt even good but my dad thought id like these so he bought me the first skulduggery pleasant one day...oh man oh boy...these were. i was eight queuing up outside a whsmith with a schoolbag full of books for the author's booksigning...also he was so nice ta derek x

-> giovanni's room, james baldwin.

cannot get into this too much before i start wailing and biting and stuff but well. giovanni's room is my favourite book of all time i read most of it. last year in june laying on brighton beach while the sun was going down and i have never recovered from and will you bring me home again / yes. i'll bring you home again since and fear i never will. also! first james baldwin book i read who has come to be an author whose writing style i adore and carry in my mind whenever i try to write something myself.

-> young mungo, douglas stuart.

not the first book i ever cried at but. first book i ever experienced disgusting full body sobs while reading and fierce competitor also for. my favourite book. had to reread so much of those final pages because i couldnt concentrate with all the crying and after that i am so excited to never have to experience the physical chest-aching worry that i did for the duration of reading this. also i think the very quiet way love is written here through. very trivial small things is something i loved very much and that has stayed with me!

-> wuthering heights, emily bronte.

read this when i was about eleven, and then again a few weeks ago with my mum (whose favourite book it is) and it was still so. absolutely sickening i just think its excellent xx and without it we wouldn't have kate bush's 1978 single wuthering heights so xx think on that xx

-> the autobiography of malcom x, alex haley.

when i was a child my younger sister joined a sunday league football team and my dad used to give her a tenner every time she scored a goal. to even things out since i refused to get up at the arsecrack of dawn to contract hypothermia on a frozen football pitch, he started giving me books exclusively on malcolm x to read and would give me a tenner every time i finished one. this one was the first i read and was indeed the first book that ever made me cry at the end xx

-> my brilliant friend, elena ferrante.

so many of these are recent reads because it was only jan 2022 that i made a genuine effort to get back into reading for leisure and mbf is no different but well. the way friendship is written here is just unhinged and incredible and the series in general so far has been. there is nothing like it i fear

-> the raven boys, maggie steifvater.

gansey unfortunately.

-> macbeth, william shakespeare.

okay i know i know but. when you are studying it in englit class for your gcse it might as well be a book innit. anyway of all the texts i did for english both at gcse + a level macbeth is still my favourite and probably the most effort i ever put into an english essay. special shoutout to frankenstein which i can enjoy in hindsight but unfortunately it fucked me on the exam so out of bitterness it doesnt get a place here x

-> the secret history, donna tartt.

i did inhale this book but also it gets a place purely for being my first exposure to donna tartt's writing and style in general which is so very distinctive and has. undoubtedly had an effect on me for better or for worse we shall one day see but for now. who can say!

-> foster, claire keegan.

it is a little pamphlet of a book at eighty six pages but. i read it just over a month ago and havent properly stopped thinking about it since it was just everything quiet + mundane + understated that makes my brain start sparking and whirring and. im bringing it on holiday in the summer so i can read it again in the appropriate season xx

tagging. but no pressure. @gaewaren @dykefever @emerqldv @fastasyoucan1999 @forlorngarden @writteninverses @boyjoan !!

[harocat]

41, Iroha/Sana (Magia Record)

Me not mentioning many specifics because I haven't read arc two yet, and it's been a while since I read arc one.

------

If you asked Sana what her favorite type of cat would be, she might say it was a soft, gentle gray one like Miss Purrs had been, but in reality, she wasn’t exactly picky. She just loved cats.

Maybe it was that there was something about them that she saw in herself; they seemed at first shy, like they wanted to be alone, but when you reached out to them, when you offered them your companionship and were genuine about it, they loved intensely. 

If Sana could make those she cared for as happy as the affection of a cat made her, she’d consider it a job well done. It was hard though. Sometimes, she felt as if she took much more than she gave. Iroha and the other girls of Mikazuki Villa were always there for her; when she struggled, when she bled, when she just needed to cry. Iroha usually caught on when she was sad, sometimes even before Sana realized how upset she was herself. 

It didn’t necessarily take anything specific to make Sana sad. There were days she just woke up with a deep melancholy in her heart, and nothing could shake it. On those days she felt particularly useless. She knew she was welcome. She knew she was loved, but— had she earned that?

Yesterday had been one of those days. She woke up feeling as if her head was throbbing, but it wasn’t a physical ache; it was an imaginary pressure that seemed to almost overwhelm her. Things felt blurry and frustrating, sad yet numb. She wondered if this was common for other people. She didn’t think it was. If only she could have slept the day away. 

She went to bed early that night. 

Iroha had clearly noticed, as she dragged her to Kamihama’s newest cat cafe the next morning. One good thing about being invisible was that it meant she didn’t have to pay admission, so at the very least, she didn’t also have to be a financial burden on her friends. The cats were so cute, and all of them were up for adoption as well. Sana longed to adopt one of her own, but she refused to even bring up the possibility until she could pay for it herself. 

She sat next to Iroha on a small, soft bench that doubled as cat furniture. A fluffy orange cat was spread across both their laps. Its purrs were steady, calming. Iroha had rested her head on Sana’s shoulder, which caused a flush to rise up on the younger girl’s cheeks. 

“Iroha-san…” she finally said. 

“Hmm?” Iroha responded. She was tired. Unlike Sana, she’d stayed up late the night before. 

“Thank you for doing all of this for me,” she replied, and her voice wavered, but she tried to keep it steady. “I-I sometimes think I ask too much of you.” 

“Sana-chan, you didn’t even ask me to do this,” Iroha let out a light laugh. 

Sana waved her hands in front of her. “I know, I know! But you always notice when I’m sad and try to help me with that.” 

Iroha looked confused for a moment, then smiled and sat back up. She took Sana’s hands between hers. “That’s what friends do.” 

Sana shook her head. “But you do so much more for me than I do for you.”

Iroha went quiet for a few seconds. The orange cat took that chance to bat Sana’s arm, and she reached down and gave it a scratch behind the ears. At least cats could see her. 

“Do you know how when we fight witches and uwasa, we don’t just take turns attacking, but instead we attack based on what’s needed at that time?” Iroha asked. Sana nodded. “So sometimes, we’ll finish a battle and Tsuruno-chan will have done a lot more of the fighting than Felicia-chan, or you’ll have done more than me, but we still treat it like we won as a group.” 

Sana looked nonplussed, but nodded again.

“I think friendship is like that,” Iroha said. “I’m… a little new to it myself, but it seems to me it’s not just trading off back and forth. Sometimes one person needs to help a little more.” She smiled brightly. “But I like you, so it makes me happy to do that. Plus, all the things we do together are fun. I’m not going to complain about going to a cat cafe!”

“I don’t know…”

“And also, I know that someday, it might be different.”

“What do you mean?” Sana asked, her mouth dropping open in surprise. 

“I mean that there will be times where someone else needs more help than you do, and during those times, I know that you’ll be there for them.” Iroha smiled and squeezed Sana’s hands. 

“Y-yes, yes of course I would be!” Sana nodded resolutely, firm and full of conviction. 

And Iroha leapt forward and wrapped her arms around Sana’s shoulders, careful not to disrupt the happy orange cat that shared their laps. Sana melted into the embrace; so warm, so fond, like a kitten kiss or cup of hot cocoa in her mug back at Mikazuki Villa. She would be there for Iroha and her friends when she was needed, no matter what was needed, and she held that promise in the deepest part of her heart. 

[crunchycrystals]

every book i read in september 2023

i did in fact bring this back because i thought it would be fun and all my followers should know that before everything, i am a book nerd. i genuinely think i only feel like i'm alive when i'm reading regularly. no spoilers for any of the books i talk about because i can only have one cut per post

before i get into the books here's some general info on reading stuff this month. so i read 9 books which i'm really proud of myself for after being in a reading slump for ages. i was still reading then but i really was not enjoying myself nearly as much as i was in previous months and i'm really enjoying myself now. 5 of the books i read were physical copies of them, 1 was an ebook, and 3 were audiobooks. my average rating was 4.29/5 and read a total of 13.78 hours on audiobook and 2476 of pages shout out to storygraph for all this info i am telling you use storygraph if you want to track your reading its so great

the cruel prince. i really liked this surprisingly??? the worldbuilding was great and i loved all the political aspects of it. jude was a really interesting main character and i had a lot of fun with the story (especially the plot twist/s, no i'm not saying if there's more than one). i liveblogged a couple parts of the entire series this month so you can check my tfota tag for more in depth thoughts

the lost sisters. it was pretty interesting to see the plot of the cruel prince from the perspective of a different character but i didn't think much about my enjoyment of it since i was just reading it for more info on the series lol

captain stone's revenge. so i went on a nancy drew diaries binge once and i've been keeping up with the series ever since then just because, and i had a hold on this book for like 2 months at the library and i finished it in a day lol. it's a short book and definitely not as good as other books in the series but yk it wasn't awful still had fun reading

we are okay. this is one of my favorite books and i cried for 40 minutes straight as i finished the last like 50-80 pages. it's a really great exploration of different kinds of grief that are complicated and how it affects people. i posted while reading it "every chapter there's something that makes me take psychic damage" which was very fun but also deeply painful (in a fun way most of the time, sometimes i was in public trying not to cry). the ending is so hopeful it made me cry for a different reason why i was crying for the past 35ish minutes. it's a great book i highly recommend it it's only like 230 pages.

the wicked king. sequel to the cruel prince, i also really enjoyed this but i don't think i enjoyed it as much as the cruel prince. still well written though and i have more in depth thoughts under my tfota and/or reading commentary tags

queen of nothing. 100% my favorite from the trilogy i loved it i thought the characters and plot in this one were all super great and i loved the ending especially. i do have more detailed thoughts that i wrote down for me personally but this is a no spoilers section so i won't share it unless someone asks

cress. this is the 3rd book in the lunar chronicles series and aaaaaaa i loved this so much i had so much fun reading it i love the alternating povs and how they all end up clashing with the dramatic irony in that one scene i loved kai's povs i wanted to keep reading constantly i love these characters so much go read the lunar chronicles please

chalice of the gods. uhhh so i finished this in less than 12 hours i liveblogged it all i really enjoyed it you can see my thoughts there go check it out (cotg or reading commentary tag). a lot of cringe moments (WHY does he mention boomers so much) but i am choosing not to see it i only see percabeth and percy grover friendship content again and i enjoyed reading it

daisy jones and the six. i listened to this on audiobook and it was incredibleeeeeeee the voice actors were amazing it was so entertaining. another taylor jenkins reid book about the drama between famous people and it was very entertaining to read about. stressful at times but overall i liked it. once again there are some notes in the reading commentary tag

i also started winter this month but i am definitely finishing it in october so i don't count it lol

[elvenbeard]

I need to do more with Vince's and Judy's friendship, because however unlikely it seems with their backgrounds, they bond over so many little things. Their love for tech, being into the same kind of music, fed up and disillusioned with Night City (but while for Judy it is the healthier choice to leave, Vince has more of a support system around him and actually feels at home in NC). Being two smol and angry queers xD

I recently replayed Pisces, and in my first PT I didn't side with Maiko, because I wanted Judy to be happy... this time I did (withthout taking her money) bc it felt more IC for Vince, even though he was full-on prepared for Judy to end their friendship then and there if he did. But there is such a nice dialogue option in their convo afterwards (dunno if it was Corpo-specific, but it went sth like "the first to die in a revolution are the revolutionaries", and that change needs to be gradual), and it was kind of depressing but so fitting for him. At that point he's genuinely so worried Judy is in over her head, like he's been before, and he doesn't want sth bad to happen to her, even if it means he'll lose her as a friend. And I loved her reaction to it too, still kind of disappointed, but understanding his side and reasoning, cause I'd full on expected her to give him a good talking to xD

They mirror and compliment the other so well, and with the whole Relic crap going on, and after losing Jackie, Vince didn't really want to let anyone new into his life anymore, cause he feels like he brings others bad luck. See also what happened to the Aldecaldos because he had started meddling in their affairs.

But Judy shows him that it's still worth it, no matter what'll happen, that it's good to have friends to support you through the darkest shit. And he gives her the right push to realise that NC is slowly killing her and taking matters into her own hands, and idk... her arc is so bittersweet and her last quest made me cry so hard, ugh, I love it.

Idk I love the idea of her coming back now and then to visit, them going out to party and having fun (and pretending to be the others output/input to ward off other people's unwanted advances xD) I hc for Judy to meet a nice, bubbly and sweet nomad gal on her travels and falling for her hard and fast, her giving Judy all the love and support she deserves. And I'd love for Vince to eventually find the time to actually stop and think and breathe for a moment and visit Judy wherever she's up to at the moment. Get some distance between himself and the city and its darkness now and then, too.

Idk I just love them so much ;_;

[prawns-are-cannibals]

Taskmaster series 14

I was excited for this series when the line up was announced. I've been a fan if Sarah and Dara for years, and it made me so happy they were put on the same series. I'd vaguely heard of Munya and Fern, but not seen any of their stuff, while John was new to me. What a nice surprise John was, in an 'absolutely hopeless man' way, I fell for him completely.

I'm honestly surprised that Dara lose his shit more, but god I enjoyed the times he did. I thoroughly enjoyed this series. I loved watching the friendship between Munya and John develop.

Top 3 tasks

There were so many tasks I loved in this series, it was hard to pick just 3.

pick up both milk bottles and hold them directly above the microwaves

"Whats your name?" "John" "Starsign?" "Kearns" I do love John's regret system of putting the worst one's high up. I understand the angst on whether or not to open the task. I probably would have ripped it open, thinking what Alex said was tricksy, and instantly regretted it. Sarahs description of what happens when she drinks milk is...ew. But I love that it was her who thought to empty the cartons. Especially that it was revealed in a later task that it stank the lab out. Daras mini breakdown when he realised he had fucked the task was beautiful . "What, wait? Wait, what? What, wait?"

Get this feather into the bath

Daras immediate anger at John when he tried to move the feather on the cushion was great. It was another task where I was so glad that Dara was put on the same team as John and Fern, they're my favourite team. The combination of them losing the feather and Fern dropping the feather after they’d travelled so far was *chefs kiss* . Dara just loosing his shit laughing in the studio was unsurprising but hilarious. And don’t forget: “with our infinite plates” “there were 12 plates”

I was curious all through Munya and Sarah’s attempt. I loved their communication with each other despite not being able to speak. Which made it so much funnier that they took nearly 25 minutes to complete the task. You have to give them credit for sticking to their guns with the leaf blower.

Write a one-minute one-person play/Stage and perform this one-minute one-person play.

Ferns impression of Sarah’s accent is brilliant, especially as Sarah genuinely enjoyed it. The fact both women did plays about cats is brilliant. Munyas performance of Ferns was great, it was s dramatic. Compare that to Sarah performing Munyas ‘play’, is it any wonder he did so badly in this task? I mean, the ping pong balls? No wonder Sarah was livid. Why, WHY, was John so Southern? Daras script was the best if you ask me. And his acting was the best, especially with so few lines.

Shoutout to the second live task where they had to get Greg to say their word, because Jesus christ I was crying laughing at it.

Contestants

John

Fern

Munya

Dara

Sarah

I think its the first time the one(s) I've been fans of before are right down the bottom, but that's no insult to them, I loved all of them.

Series 13

Series 15

[iguessitsjustme]

Okay I just saw your “Top Non-BL Asian TV Shows” list bc I was looking through the Love O2O tag (as one does) and I need to know if you have one for top BL Asian shows bc I’m obsessed.

Hello my dear anon! Sorry it took a few days to get to this. My brain has not been braining BUT I have a list for you! Before I get started though, I did make a list of my top BL from 2022 and there is definitely going to be some overlap there.

Anyway. This is in no way a comprehensive list and it's just gonna be in alphabetical order. I also couldn't limit myself to ten this time, so you're going to get 15. This got really long so it's going under a cut:

A Tale of 1000 Stars - This show is one of my all time favorite BLs. The story was so well told and the acting was phenomenal. Genuinely, this show almost made me cry (in a good way). I got real close and if you know me, that's impressive. This show is pretty close to flawless for me and it is the show I used to introduce my mom to BL and now she's seen a whole lot and loves it like I do. So this show will always have a special place in my heart.

2. Bed Friend - I went into this show expecting to mostly enjoy it but I was fully expecting it to be a trash watch. What I didn't expect was a beautifully told story about trauma and how that can impact relationships and how patience and kindness and support, genuine support, is a fundamental piece of loving someone. Truly astonishing. Blew me out of the water.

3. Cherry Magic - This show is so incredibly wholesome and cute. I love the premise and I always appreciate when we get shows about adults. Adachi and Kurosawa are so precious and adorable and truly the only people deserving of each other. No one else could possibly deserve the love and light of those two. Plus I love our aroace girlie. She deserves the world. I know Thailand is doing a remake of this show and I'm skeptical but hopeful. We'll see.

4. DNA Says Love You - I'm not sure if I actually classify this as BL but it is very queer and the friendships are solid. One of the best friend groups and such a compelling story. It took me a minute to get into it cause the first few episodes aren't the best, but once the story starts taking off it's so, so good.

5. Ghost Host, Ghost House - This show came at the right time for me. It was so heartbreakingly beautiful. Our main couple gets a happy ending but the journey to get there is hard and honestly I was going through a lot when this was released and watching it was very cathartic for me. It helped give me an outlet to process grief I was going through.

6. Light on Me - The only good love triangle I have ever seen. Daon is my baby forever and always. I truly believe this show did so much for Korean BL and opened the doors for longer form BL out of Korea. The real selling point to this show for me is the characters. The story is cute, if basic, but the characters and their relationships and how the interact with each other is truly wonderful. The acting is phenomenal and everything about it is just so pretty.

7. Moonlight Chicken - This show has so much of what I look for in older, more serious shows. This show was perfect in its imperfectness. We got two generations of queer men in a family and we got to see how each reacted to the world and to their own queerness. We got deaf representation and a character learning sign language specifically to communicate. Heart's story with his parents was honestly beautiful and I think it was handled really well.

8. My School President - So cute. Just incredibly adorable. FourthGemini are honestly ridiculously talented for their age. I'm very excited to see what they do next. My only issue with this one was the sheer amount of singing, but at least it made sense with the plot and it was built in singing. Watching Tinn and Gun's story play out was a treat every week. There was not a single episode that was not enjoyable.

9. Old Fashion Cupcake - This is it for me. Absolute perfection. This is flawless episodes. I have no notes. I love this show. This is my top BL of all time. Everything about this is excellent. I don't even know how to properly discuss this because I love it so much.

10. Our Dating Sim - I'm not normally a fan of reunion stories but this one is fantastic. One of Korea's best. There's not a minute of wasted time.

11. Our Dining Table - This is the cutest, the most wholesome, the most darling, the most precious show ever created. I could not be mad watching this show. Even if certain people pissed me off, if I went home and turned on this show, my rage was calmed and I was happy again. I bought the first volume of the manga for this and I'm planning on buying the rest whenever I'm able.

12. Seven Days - This is probably the most underrated BL out there. It's cute, it's wholesome, the characters are amazing. Watching these two fall for each other is one of the best treats you can give yourself. I'm about to make my mom watch these two movies in the next few weeks and I cannot wait.

13. Sing My Crush - I loved this show oh so very much. I'm pretty sure I stayed up until like 2 one night binging it. It scratched a particular itch for me in the pining childhood friends to lovers. I just love them so much. The villain was a bit too...evil...for my taste but it worked. Plus, I genuinely didn't mind the singing here.

14. The Eighth Sense - This is just good. I'm not sure I classify it as BL but definitely queer. I tend to prefer shows that deal with trauma of some sort and this show does that and does it well. How many shows do we have where a character is actually seeing a therapist? Plus the patience and love that Ji Hyun had to Jae Won was just heartwarming. This show isn't just one of my favorite queer shows. It's one of my top 5 shows of all time.

15. Until We Meet Again - To me, this is THE BL. I cried multiple times. It's tough to get me to cry once let alone multiple times. I had already gotten into BL when I started watching this but I'd say this show was probably my full blow decent into madness. I think I watched all 17 episodes in the span of 3 days while working full-time. Overtime at that. I didn't sleep. One of the most beautiful stories ever written. I'm a sucker for reincarnation stories and this just..is so incredibly beautiful. It got me in my feels.

There ya have it. That's a list. Definitely not all, but I'd be listing forever and getting my executive to function enough to write this was hard enough. ps if you like Love O2O, the ML, Yang Yang is the main character in King's Avatar which was another show I put on my top non-BL shows but I rewatched it recently and I don't know what I was smoking when I wrote that list but that show is so incredibly gay. There's no canon romance but it's still very gay

[meditationsbyalma]

Fish love

Kindly watch this video a couple of times before proceeding with reading this blog.

I was 17 when I first saw that interview. At the time, I could not make sense of the idea that the rabbi (Abraham J. Twerski, October 6, 1930–January 31, 2021) was trying to articulate, but I felt that there was a lot of depth and meaning behind his words. Today, I think I have an idea about what he wanted to share.

In the beginning, I believe that the concept of love that is being discussed could be projected to not only romantic relationships but even friendship and mentorship. I’ve had periods in my life in which the love and affection that I have had from certain friendships have brought me so much more fulfilment than any relationship I’ve ever had. Not to speak poorly of my past partners or detract from the value of the connection that we once had, but I have been genuinely blessed with a very few good friends and mentors who shaped my view on love in order for me to be capable of both receiving and reciprocating it in my own way.

Love and connection are undeniably some of the most precious sensations one could ever experience in their life. To feel connected with someone else, to invest a part of yourself into them, to witness the relationship growing, and to believe that you’ve made the right "investment" gives us a sense of stability and meaning in our lives. We are brought into life with (ideally) a modality of endless and infinite love from the side of our parents that will later shape our perception and approach to this value. We then go through the transition of engaging with the outer world and experimenting with what we have been taught and programmed to believe.

The harsh reality humbles us in the early stages and makes us realise that unconditional love is not the default form of connection that one will receive from their outer environment. That love comes at a cost. That value has to be provided (you need to bring something to the table) in order to receive your fair share of intimacy and connection. We go around the world believing that the highest forms of such pure value are embedded in the early model that we have experienced as infants: an endless and generous constant giving from the other side of the bargain, and we try our best to replicate that model into the present relations.

We look for that partner who would love us and bombard us with affection, or the circle that would genuinely appreciate our presence and accept us for who we are. We wish for that friend who would sit in the mud with us when things go bad and pat our back when things are going in our favour. We want to be accepted despite our flaws and shortcomings. We seek intimacy by all means.

The truth of the matter is that we missed a crucial aspect of this model. Which is the creation of an EGO that feeds off the praise and love received from others. The ego gets nourished upon recognition of its existence. At the early stages of their upbringing, the baby learns that saying their mother's name or mumbling some meaningless words gets them praise and an extra dose of attention. On the other hand, crying for no explicable reason or pulling grownups' hair gets them a negative reaction. As smart as babies can get, they start doing more of the stuff that gets them praise and less of what's frowned upon.

You grow into believing that the right way of behaving in the world is by doing more of what gets you the attention that you seek and that a boosted ego means a good way of being and acting in the world. Upon interacting with the outer world, you realise that everyone has an ego, and everyone is trying to boost it and navigate their reality through it (just like you!). You might not get the unconditional love that you think you deserve, but your tool for sensing the presence or absence of that love is your ego. And that's where the source of our suffering resides.

All of what your environment could offer you turns into a way of boosting that ego. The possessions that you own, the way you decide to present yourself to the world, and especially the connections you make throughout the course of your life. When you like someone, an aspect of you likes them for a certain (or many) quality in their character or something that makes them special, but a larger aspect is constantly thinking of what that person could offer us if we invested in them, if we could "have" them as a part of our world. The other becomes a tool for us to squeeze joy out of our experience in this physical world.

Don’t tell me you love the fish; you love yourself. And because fish tastes good to you, therefore you took it out of the water, killed it, and boiled it.... The other becomes a vehicle for my gratification.

I once read that the best way to judge the quality of a connection is to assess its ending (the way that both parts went their separate ways after the termination of the connection). Because at endings, interest dies and you’re only left with the real intentions. When things are well, you might never know who the other person is; it’s only at times of conflict and disturbance that you can get a clearer look at their genuine nature. After all, what’s the point of having a good relationship with someone if the ending is going to scrap all the good moments and feelings you both had together?

You do genuinely love your friends. You do genuinely love your partner, husband/wife, kids, family, mentor, etc. But would you still have the same amount of love and appreciation for them if they showed no love to you? if they stopped reciprocating your effort or chose to end their connection with you. If the answer to that is Yes, then why? If the answer is a plain no (as it might happen even between lovers and friends), then was your love even real?

Even better, what is true love, then?

If I had to give a simple definition, I would say that true love is the death of the ego for the sake of the other. It is what we refer to as selfless love. It is choosing the other before oneself. a mindful act of giving without the expectation of receiving something in return. Genuine love is giving exactly what you walk around the world looking for—an unconditional sense of acceptance and admiration—without building an assumption of receiving it back from those to whom you’ve given it.

This does not imply that you might have to devalue your own worth in order to prove the authenticity of your love for someone else. One has to be very careful not to exploit such a noble value and use it in an extreme manner. The moment that you feel that you have to be compromising about your value or lower your standards to prove your love is the moment that you lose a very valuable aspect of this entire equation: your self-love!

"Each time you break your own boundaries in order to ensure that someone else likes you, you like yourself a little less."

-Brianna West

There is nothing wrong with feeling that the reason you love your partner or friend is because they make you feel good or because they know how to handle your stupid temper. Your emotions are still valid by all metrics. But your love would have been of much higher quality, much more deeper and genuine  if you loved them just because they deserve to be loved for who they are.

By that definition, "fish love" is a love that nurtures the ego; true love is a love that kills the ego. The purpose of engaging in a genuine act of love is the spiritual transcendence that results from choosing to navigate your reality from a multisensory perspective rather than a five-sensory egoistic approach. When you choose to love, the part of you that thinks of its own benefit has to vanish.

The wise and beautiful Abraham J. Twerski says it best:

People make a serious mistake in thinking that you give to those whom you love. And the real answer is that you love those to whom you give.

Yassine Said.

Comments by the writer:

1- This has been the most challenging piece of literature that I have ever written in my life. Usually, I can talk for hours about love based on what I read in books and the movies that I have seen. But to extract a genuine definition (something from my own beliefs about this topic) was very hard.

2-Kindly Choose to look at the matter as if there are levels of love that could be attained when our intention is to have the other’s needs "instead of ours" as our priority. No wonder that the purest forms of love can be exemplified in a mother’s love for her baby or our love for animals. We even expect nothing from neither one of them (animals or babies).

[borderlinesatou]

I'm so sick of her. She's making me hate you. All you do is complain about her and I genuinely don't think you realise it.

Do you know how miserable you've become since you moved in with her? Everything's about her. It's never about you. You won't let yourself be upset because "she has it worse". You're literally pitying her, that's all it is.

She gets upset at the smallest things and you beat yourself up over it like it's your fucking job to make sure she's happy.

I know I got extremely lucky still being with my teen sweetheart. We grew into full functioning adults together after going through a ridiculous amount of shite together thanks to my family. Never once have I ever felt pitied by her but I know for a fact she feels pitied by you. You said it yourself, she got mad at you for being concerned for her wellbeing, because she thinks that you don't trust her judgement. Even though you have every reason not to since she's the way she is.

I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt and say she's not being malicious purposefully but that doesn't excuse the fact that she is manipulative often.

The fact that you feel guilty about having your own interests and hobbies is such a huge issue I don't understand how you can't see it. It's another reason for the pile of why I think you shouldn't be dating.

You shouldn't have to force her into spaces and activities that are yours alone to enjoy, shes literally going to ruin cons for you for the rest of the time you go, which I feel like will stop eventually when you realise you can't be around your friends since she'll cry if we start talking about cock and balls.

You love talking shite and she turns you mute. It sounds like the most dull, mind numbing conversations to have with anyone ever. Like what is there to even talk about that doesn't involve her, that's solely yours? God forbid you have interests she isn't a part of because that'll upset her 🥺

Its ridiculous. You're such a warm bright colourful person with so much personality and humor and you're just grey with her.

I can never say any of this to you directly because I think it'd finally be the end of our friendship but honestly I don't know how much longer I can see you like this, it's genuinely hurting me.

She didn't know you were suicidal and you've been together over 2 years. Is that not alarming? The lack of knowledge of your mental state bc she never looks outside herself. I know you deny how unwell you are because you never let yourself be the one with issues but if she really knew you she'd know that without being told.

I think you should break up.

I know you're lonely, and I know you want a relationship, but God, you're not meant to be on eggshells at every turn, wondering if you've something wrong or done something wrong to upset her. You're not supposed only care about her feelings and never check on your own.

I really think you should end it.

Obviously you live with her so that's a complication but you know your mam would take you back in a heart beat.

I think you should go. I'm saying this with the most sincerity I can. I am saying this as your oldest and closest friend. Please leave her to better yourself. It'll hurt, obviously. But in the long run you deserve to really be happy. Happiness is not what you have. You wouldn't be this way if it was.

These feelings aren't new or sudden. I've felt this way for well over a year. She made you a completely different person while you're with her, then when you finally get time to see us you complain about her in some sort of way

Of course no relationship is perfect, I've gotten annoyed at 🐰 before, most were due to outside forces (primarily my family) but we've always talked it out. You keep stuff from her, you feel like you can't be honest with her out of fear. None of that is normal or healthy.

You really really should consider breaking up.

I just want you to be happy again.