#its just no fun to feel like i dont have any control over what happens w my own posts :(( ruins all my enjoyment of it
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yknow what why not. have this from last night
(just the text under the cut)
IM INTRIGUED BY WHATEVER HE HAS GOING ON bc he likes fun but seems also deeply unhappy with himself which FEELS like it contradicts his whole being Like That but it makes Sense. why is he so self consious
it FEELS related to him as a voice being like. a desperate desire for agency at all costs. to be able to have fun in an extremely stressful situation. im struggling to put my finger on it but its liek
all of the voices are tied to complex emotions and hes like. the epitome of trying to get someone to leave you alone by doing anything you can to piss them off. like hes decided he Likes to do that, actually, and its NOT a desperate attempt to gain control in a situation where he has none, bc hes genuinely compassionate but it gets hidden behind the fact that he wants to upset hte narrator. hes the opposite of the opportunist in that he doesnt want to appeal to people who have power over him, he doesnt want to fight them or run away from them, all he wants is to aggravate them because he doesnt think he CAN do anything else. its pestering someone bc its the most power you can exert against people and situations you dont wanna be in, and then convincing yourself that its what you wanted in the first place
as a guy who likes fun DOES make him clash w the tones of a LOT of the game but i think its like. easy to look at the other voices and pinpoint what survival mechanism they are and then contrarian shows up and its less obvious
but hes a persons NEED to have fun, similar to cold. where cold has rejected the notion of emotions but still seeks novelty, contrarian NEEDS to experience joy and is trying to force it to happen, even if it involves goading the others or making bad long-term decisions. hes a very emotion-heavy voice and i think thats probably WHY hes quick to feel guilt and shame, bc it stems from teh same need to feel satisfied with actions and your environment, because in a situation like this, you CANT get entertainment from yourself. but he cant entertain anyone but himself. but he cant actually do that because its weak, poorly executed attempts at levity that falls apart under pressure
idk if this makes ANY sense im just intrigued by him. bc the stranger route started as a joke but it seems to serve as the BIGGEST outlier of a chapter in the whole game to teh pt where it can give you an entirely new ending that even goes so far as to include a second voice in the ending which makes me feel like he has to be important SOMEHOW
maybe its just the underlying emotions of it all. above all else, people want to enjoy life. it doesnt matter if life is stagnant, or if life is a unending cascade of changes, because its only bad if the people it affects do or dont enjoy it. because what the world does and doesnt need revolves around if it makes you feel good. hell i feel like theres a case for the fact that the contrarian ALWAYS gives you new, novel options. he ADDS change wherever he goes. hes the among the most connected to the shifting mound of the voices in that what he wants changes by the moment because what he wants above all else IS change and novelty. and hes a persons need for joy in life, something that is so distinctly mortal, to not just exist but to ENJOY existing, something that the narrator gave the long quiet and the shifting mound. he just extremely represents choices that are Out There. and the fact that the contrarian ascribes "the courage to do things that others may not do" as being him is ALSO interesting to me. maybe hes not just a persons ability to seek joy but also a persons ability to push back against outside pressure. a complement to the heros desire and conviction for agency, being the ability to push back when that agency is denied, to be able to live and feel fulfilled through ones OWN choices, not someone elses
and in an environment that so often denies that agency, his Whole Deal is trying to wrench back that agency even if he knows it wont work. the Trying IS the point. but in spending so much time trying to wrestle agency back you dont really pay attention to situations where you dont need to do that. because as far as hes concerned, you dont have agency, cant have agency, and wont have agency, so the best he can do is be a dick about it. as far as hes concerned, choices dont really matter. if everything is changing, if you can make EVERY choice, then do those choices matter? which always shocks him when they DO. because as an entity that exists to try to piss off those denying you agency, you dont realize where the line between 'choices that dont matter' and 'choices that have effects' are. but by his nature he ALWAYS forces his actions to matter without realizing it. maybe THATS why the knife never comes back after he throws it away. because it is in his nature to allocate agency where there previously was none. to the detriment of Literally Everyone
guy who makes agency exist but doesnt realize hes causing that and keeps acting like his choices dont have consequences
and that in itself is like. his comment abt EVERYTHING being as bad as nothing. feels like it rly strongly is tying him to what tlq and tsm once were. because they used to be the combination of everything and nothing. but now they are everything and nothing, apart. and maybe thats part of where contrarians weird self consciousness comes from, because his very existence is to force EVERYTHING to be possible, to do EVERYTHING, to cause as much change as possible, but its still not what he wants, he wants a balance that doesnt exist anymore
idk if this is making ANY sense i feel like ive accidentally talked into circles like 50 times but out of all of the voices the context of his purpose intrigues me the most actually bc i think everyone else has pretty straightforward purposes and then theres. This Guy who JUST causes problems. but its weirdly sincere about it. and i think its intentional bc blacktabbygames does not shy away from making Guys Who Are Just Obnoxious and unwavering in their goals, and for how much each of the voices so adamantly resist yet desire change, contrarian and hero are both the most malleable and changing
#slay the princess#stp the contrarian#voice of the contrarian#i still dont know if any of this made sense but i figure if i wrote way to many words thinking about this weird bird#i may as well share it in the event that it makes sense to someone else#also i cut out some parts just bc these were messages to friends of mine and i dont feel like putting all of that into a post#fun secret commentary for me and my friends ONLY
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ik ive not been active at all anyways sort of explanation/me complaining in tags
#i have gotten progressively worse lately in terms of physical health and its just taken a lot out of me tbh#over the past few months ive developed chronic pain and fatigue drs still arent sure if its fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue but whatev#in any case ive been in tremendous pain everywhere it's not been fun at all#i also have this new thing where i get a tremor if i hold things too hard and while it is relatively painless it still is making life harde#esp since i am an art student so im kind of stuck not rly knowing what to do atp#ive just not been in the best mindset and while i recognise that disability is not ugly in any way i do just feel harder to love now#like i dont think my personality is fun enough to make up for all this idk if that makes any real sense#ive also been temporarily put on birth control its a long story but it's only until i get scheduled for a minor surgery most probably#but yanno birth control has unfun side effects and i feel like im going crazy most days#ik this all probably sounds pretty silly but idk. its been hard to feel genuinely attractive lately.#forgot to add this but there was some other stuff that happened thats definitely effecting just my self image and libido and stuff lately#long story short someone i trusted ended up crossing multiple physical boundaries and passed uncomfortable comments abt me and similar shit#its not been fun to deal with in any way yk?
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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍
#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around#pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable#my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters#no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time#gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt#but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years#and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again#but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and#others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard#it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl#bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either#and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for#but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own#bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me#but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form#and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind#and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will#and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing#and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense#its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out#and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up#and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain#its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit#and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after#or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life#i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever#and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it#and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel#thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable
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[plsdont repost any of my stuff without asking. please]
theres a right answer btw
#touchstarved game#ais#re: the repost stuff#idont mind the reposts thmselves but please just ask id be so happy to hear ur enjoying me being silly enough to repost it elsewhere#its just no fun to feel like i dont have any control over what happens w my own posts :(( ruins all my enjoyment of it#isnt much more of an issue now that i can tell but like. if it gets worse again ill probably stop posting this stuff entirely so pls dont
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i worry a lot about some transfems and its not me trying to be like "im better than you" or some shit its bc some of them remind me of me when i was a kid and new into being considered a girl/woman and being really naive thinking people would treat me better than they would- like i knew people were gonna be shitty but i wasnt prepared for the sheer amount of dehumanization and being reduced to just a sex object... idk... I just want some of you out there to be careful...
#ik its hard to convey tone and emotion through text but i do really worry.#im sure people have felt the same way about me being new into being considered a guy too. Ik i wasnt prepared for how emotionally distant#guys can be. and how like. atomized we all are and how a lot of guys only know how to interact with the world through violence and#being a dick and .-. basically how a lot of guys are just bullies. idk.#i think if we have experiences that we think we can help others by sharing them and maybe preventing them from making the same mistakes#as us then we should share them yknow. idk.#for me at least it does in some ways feel like im a little kid again learning what its like to navigate a new social setting.#like i didnt realize how much playing pvp games with cis guys suck and ppl who grew up with that are just like. 'yeah. thats just how it is#im literally playing wow rn and playing on a pvp server and i literally never attack anyone sdhjdshjvvfd and ppl are just like.#dicks for NO REASON. im LITERALLY RUNNING AWAY. ugh#i get it dude! this is the only way you can feel like you have a big dick but cmon. you gotta accept the truth some day#^and having to learn to talk like that has been something ive had to adopt from dealing with cis dudes. fun#some transfems i want to grab by the shoulders and shake and be like 'DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF'#with a desperate plea in my gaze#'I WANT TO PROTECT YOU BUT I ALSO KNOW PPL HAVE TO LEARN SOME SOCIAL SHIT ON THEIR OWN BUT BY GOD ARE THERE#SOME THINGS I REALLY DO NOT WANT YOU TO HAVE TO FUCKING LEARN ABOUT THAT I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER AND#IS UNFORTUNATELY LIKELY TO HAPPEN TO ANY WOMAN'#why am i becoming a parent. i need to stop. problem is i care too much about people in spite of what ppl might think .-.#i worry so much thats why i yell at ppl online bc i dont want them to get hurt or do something to fuck themselves over idk.#i just... dont express it the best way. like a gym coach or something 🤦#i really am Dad Vibes now huh. how do i stop myself from becoming a dad. i dont even have kids.#well. i have a cat. the eternal rebellious teen. but still#i need to stop expressing my care and fear through anger. its not great. ppl misinterpret me too much w it. but im not mommy enough to#sugarcoat things and coddle people if i feel like thats whats happening. so idk.#i realize this might sound patronizing and im not trying to be at all. to transfems with more experience this is like 'duh' to them probabl#but I'm more talking to the young transfems I see online who seem like they dont go out much and i dont blame them at all for it#its fucking scary out here. especially as a woman. esp as someone alt righters fetishize. and im sorry.
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A simple request if your up for it. Reader tells Azriel "I love you" and he doesnt say it back. Angst with a happy ending. I'm sorry i dont have much details. Love everything you write btw. ❤️
Confessions of the Heart
You sat in the booth in Rita’s between Nesta and Azriel. A small drinking game had ensued between you, Nesta, and Feyre and the High Lady was convinced easily by her mate to stop. However, it didn’t stop you and your friend even though the male beside you had quietly suggested several times that it was time to stop. You knew that he was right and decided to appease him when he offered you a cup of water.
A shiver ran through you when his hand brushed against yours. Your heart picked up its pace, the love that you had from him jolting through you like lightning. It always happened whenever there was some form of innocent skin to skin contact and you couldn’t help but wonder if he felt it too.
You had been in love with him for years but hadn’t had the courage to voice it to the shadowsinger. It never seemed like the right time or the right place but what really stopped you was the uncertainty of his feelings towards you. You were both friends, that much you knew, but he never gave any indication of anything otherwise.
“Come dance with me!” Mor had appeared at the table, taking a long drink of her wine before stretching out her hand towards you. “Let’s go!”
A giggle left you as you took her hand and had to squeeze past Azriel since he appeared determined not to let you go. You couldn’t think through your drunken stupor but his hands on your waist to steady you as you crawled over him had your breath catching in your throat. As Mor took your hand and dragged you to the dance floor, you couldn’t help but wonder what his hands would feel like running down your body.
The happiness around you was contagious, not that you needed it in the slightest. Males and females alike asked for a dance but the last thing you wanted was to leave one of your friends. You weren’t sure how much time had gone by but enough movement paired with another cup of water had your mind clearing just a bit.
A set of hands on your hips took you by surprise and had you spinning around to see who they belonged to. You would know Azriel anywhere and knew instantly before looking that it wasn’t him. The male that was looking down at you was indeed handsome but your love for the spymaster wouldn’t let you allow him to put his hands on you. You felt him before you saw him and the male backed away slowly before you could tell him to go away. Looking up at Azriel, his jaw was clenched tightly before his hand was in yours and was pulling you out of the door.
“What are you doing?” you asked in exasperation. “I was having fun.”
“I believe you’ve reached your limit for the night.” The words came out rough as if he was trying very hard to control himself. “It’s time for you to go home.”
You frowned at the words since Nesta allowed the both of you to still live at the House of Wind. He was acting as it wasn’t his home as well. You risked a glance back to see the rest of your friends a good distance behind you and the liquid courage began to take hold. The need to tell him how you felt was stronger than ever and you just wanted to get it out in the open. Your mind turned over every coherent thought that you could think of to tell him but didn’t like any of them.
“I love you!” you blurted out, unable to contain it anymore and he tensed.
“What?” he asked in a low voice that was barely audible.
“I love you.” The answer came out quiet and weak since you felt as if you already knew where this was going. “I have for a long time.”
He released your hand and shot up in the air before you had a chance to try and stop him.
It ended up being three days before you saw Azriel again. You were in the dining room with Cassian when he landed on the balcony but he didn’t even try to meet your pleading gaze. Tension filled the room and he passed you by, not even bother acknowledging his brother when he called out for him.
You wanted so badly to take back what you said and simply go back to being happy with the friendship that you had with him, even if it meant that it was all that you could have from him. His long strides had you walking quickly just to keep up with him and it took all of your strength to pull him to a stop when you grabbed his arm with both hands.
“Az, please talk to me,” you begged, your heart cracking even more when he pulled his arm free of your grip. “I was drunk and I shouldn’t have-”
“It’s fine.” His tone suggested everything but his cold assurance. “I’m busy so I would appreciate it if you left me alone.”
Tears filled your eyes despite your mind taking a minute to fully comprehend what he said. He didn’t want you to leave him alone just for the time being but permanently. It was something that you didn’t think that you could handle so you slipped into your room to cry your heart out again. Too many people for your liking knocked on your door throughout the duration of the two days that you kept yourself locked in your room and you didn’t bother caring about anything else. All that you could do was wallow in your pain and self pity.
Nesta was eventually able to coax you out on the third day and forced you to take care of yourself in the way that only she could do. Two weeks went by and you had only seen Azriel a handful of times. The only thing that you got from him was either a cold shoulder or his insistence that you left him alone.
“I just don’t understand,” you mumbled, rubbing your face as you sat in the library with your friend. “Is it really that bad that I’m in love with him? He’s acting like I’m this terrible person for actually caring about him.”
“He’s dense,” Nesta scoffed. “You’ve been training for a while, use that and force him to listen to you.”
“You want me to hold one of the most powerful Illyrians in history at sword point and force him to hear me out?” you asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow at her as she shrugged. “You realize that he would simply laugh at me or knock me on my ass. Maybe both.”
“He always trains by himself at night,” she replied, mischief dancing in her eyes. “Go ahead.”
“You’re going to get me killed,” you groaned but it didn’t stop you from darting out of the room and up to the training area.
Just as her friend said, Azriel was alone in the darkness with his shadows dancing around him. You were stunned momentarily at the sight of him as he moved, content to sit and watch all night if you were able to. It was short lived before his eyes were on you. Wariness was written all over his face and it was a welcomed sight versus the cold hardness that you had seen since your confession.
“Practice is in the morning,” he said simply, eyes moving back to the practice dummy in front of him.
“We can’t keep going like this, Az,” you whispered but you knew he heard you because he froze mid swing.
He dropped the sword on the ground and strode towards you, stopping a few short inches away. You had to crane your head up to meet his gaze and there were too many emotions swimming in his eyes despite his unreadable expression. The urge to hold him surged through you but you held yourself back in hopes that some form of resolution would occur.
“We can,” he replied, his tone as neutral as his face. “This shouldn’t be happening.”
“I miss you.” His jaw clenched at your words and you tried to find a way to backtrack. “I miss our friendship and I don’t want my drunken words to ruin that.”
“So it was the alcohol that made you say it?” he growled as his eyes narrowed on you, his teeth grinding together. “You didn’t mean it?”
“I..” you trailed off because you weren’t sure if you should tell the truth or not.
“That’s good,” he scoffed, appearing unhappy with your silence. “I am the last person that you should feel that way about. Why would someone as amazing and beautiful as you want-”
“Of course I meant it!” you exclaimed, interrupting him because you knew what he was about to say. “Yes the alcohol gave me the courage but if I can’t have you, I’ll take whatever you will give me. Just please stop ignoring-”
One moment you were on your feet and the next his hands were on you before pressing you into the wall. In one swift motion, he lifted you and you wrapped your legs around his waist as he placed his forehead against yours. His breaths were a bit labored and your heart pounded in your chest in anticipation.
“You shouldn’t love me,” he whispered, his words contradicting the one handed light grip on your waist and the gentle caress of your face with his other.
“Why?” you asked and silently cursed yourself for the way that the question came out so pleadingly.
“I do not deserve you,” he answered but his voice cracked in the process. “You are the last-”
“You deserve everything, Azriel.” You cupped his face and forced his uncertain eyes to meet your gaze. “You deserve more than I could ever give you but I love you. I love you so much.”
“And I love you.”
The murmured confession had your heart soaring as you pressed your lips to his. He reciprocated without hesitation and you knew that you could die happily like this. The smile that he gave you when you both pulled away was the most beautiful sight that you had ever seen and you would do everything in your power to keep it there.
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I just saw your requests are open so I might as well jump in BECAUSE SKDNDNSN ok buttttt what about sukuna + his tummy having a mind of its own BEFORE you were their wife, like, you know nothing about this man but everytime you come in sigh you hear the most direct cat calling you've come across only to see a man with an expression of "God kill me now" so you don't know what's happening but it makes you really curious so you just... Provoke him? Like, use revealing clothing, put on an expensive perfume, etc. AAAH I Just love that hc of his stomach mouth having a mind of its own istg aaaa
a/n: ok so im gonna write this in a modern au because lets be real heian era Sukuna did NOT care about dating/courting
formatted into a bullet point headcannon post because im having way too much fun with this and nothing is connected in a cohesive form (pls forgive me for that but my brain is going ham with this concept)
cw: gn!reader, cursing, sexual content, bestie!gojo, Sukuna’s tummy mouth is a menace but wbk
imagine you’re a teacher at jujutsu high and a special grade sorcerer (because i enjoy feeling strong and this is a little self indulgent) (yall can choose if you want to be gojo’s classmate or nanami’s it doesn’t really impact anything)
Sukuna gets reincarnated without a vessel (dont ask me how it just happens ok) and to everyone’s surprise, he volunteers to be an instructor at jujutsu high
he says its to “make these pathetic kids somewhat decent sorcerers so they dont ruin the name of jujutsu”
for whatever reason, the higher ups assign him a spot among the teachers at the school
imagine your shock when this 1000 year old 7 foot tall motherfucker shows in the middle of your class to introduce himself as the new teacher
you’d heard about his whole situation but you didn’t expect him to show up in the middle of a lesson
you attempt to shoo him away but he doesn’t even move (i mean what did you expect really?) and you’re forced to end class early
weirdly enough he keeps a hand clamped over his stomach the entire exchange?? you chalk it down to a stomach ache or something (that night you do wonder if curses, or er, the king of curses, even get physical pains)
ok so before i get into the whole thing lemme just-
in my head, the tummy mouth has the humour of a middle school boy and the self control of the dog from ‘absolutely anything’
so yk. its a mess.
you see him the next day in the staff room
hes wearing a starched white shirt (it accommodates all his four arms and you question how he got one made in a single day) and a pair of fitted slacks, looking WAY too good for a curse
you realise you’ve been staring through the glass window if the staff room and finally enter
only to be greeted by a LOUD wolf whistle followed by a “OOOOH HEY HOT THANG” in the deepest, raspiest, most demonic ass voice you’ve ever heard
sukuna looks like he wants to kill himself.
he gets up and leaves the room immediately
you hear the a faint “NO GO BACK AND FLIRT WITH THEM YOU WIMP ASS HOE” in the same demonic voice as he stalks away
and you’re standing there
wondering what the actual fuck just happened
did you just experience harassment in your workplace?? but his mouth never even moved???
Gojo enters the staff room right after Sukuna vanishes and you IMMEDIATELY fill him in on whatever happened in hopes that he would have any explanation
hes confused, curious and amused all the same time
this doesnt mean hes of any help though
no, the piece if shit just laughs at you and goes off to terrorise the first years take class
before leaving he very unhelpfully reminds you that you have to share classes with Sukuna today
you enter the classroom a couple minutes before the students (you literally have 4 students and one of them is a panda god knows what the point of 2 teachers for such a small class is) and find Sukuna already in the room, leaning back on the chair, his legs resting on the table, eyes closed
once again
looking WAY too fine
just as you internally celebrate that nothing weird happened THE SAME OLD DEMONIC VOICE booms a “DAMN BABY YOU LOOK FINE, CMON LEMME TAKE YA HOME”
“wha- I- Eh??? I’m sorry what the fuhck?!?” you sputter, eyes wide
Sukuna has leaped up from his chair, a mixture of embarrassment and murderous rage on his face
he hisses a “shut the fuck up” in the vague direction of his abdomen before turning to you and apologising
“i am so sorry,” he says sheepishly “i owe you an explanation at the very least after two incidents”
“OI DONT APOLOGISE ASK THEM OUT THEY’RE HOT AND I KNOW YOU THINK SO TOO”
“I WILL LITERALLY FUCKING SEW YOU SHUT IF YOU DONT STAY FUCKING QUIET”
and once again. you’re standing there. shook.
Sukuna turns to you again with an expression that clearly says ‘Gods please strike me down right now’ and asks if you know about him having multiple body parts
you’ve heard of the legends and stories: four eyes, four arms and mouths he can will to appear wherever he wants, so you nod
“Well it just so happens that the mouth on my stomach is sentient, and extremely vulgar. Although i’m sure you noticed the latter.”
his voice is a wonderful contrast to that of his tummy mouth
deep, melodic and smooth
he just got even more attractive.
fuck.
you realise you haven’t given him a response and nod dumbly muttering out a quick “uh-huh”
thankfully the students enter at that moment saving you from any awkwardness
what you have recently come to identify as Sukuna’s tummy mouth stays blissfully quiet throughout the class and shockingly enough the silence on the belly front continues throughout the day as you discuss lesson plans with your ridiculously hot coworker
that night as you’re getting ready for bed, you remember the exchange between Sukuna and his appendage (specifically the part about Sukuna thinking you’re hot) and a mischievous idea forms in your brain (hey gojo satoru’s influence was bound to kick in at some point)
the next day you leave the top few buttons of your work shirt undone and put on some of the pheromone perfume you got as a gag gift in an (what you presume to be potentially successful) effort to rile Sukuna up (lets be real you think hes pretty damn hot too)
clap yourself on the back for that one bestie because the second you enter the staff room, Sukuna’s eyes nearly bulge out of his skull and the tummy mouth starts BARKING
and drooling apparently (how do you know? well maybe because the front of sukuna’s pristine white dress shirt is now sopping wet)
“WIFE THEM UP I SWEAR TO-“
the sound of a coffee cup shattering interrupts whatever was gonna come after that
you’re met with Nanami’s incredibly unimpressed gaze
without saying anything he leaves the room, muttering, “its too early for whatever the fuck this is”
well.
that happened.
yall get together eventually
gojo tells you “i knew you wanted to fuck him”
before you can come up with any sort of response, your boyfriend’s stomach pipes in with a “OH HE DEFINITELY WANTED TO FUCK THEM”
this is your life now.
good luck.
a/n: HI IM HERE TOO THIS TIME!! i left the ‘getting together part kinda up to interpretation because im shit at writing the ‘getting together’ arcs but we’re gonna pretend like it was because i want you to be able to go wild with whatever you want
please dont copy or repost my work without my permission
comments and reblogs are appreciated
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dividers by @/vanillekiss
#kay gets requests#ryomen sukuna x y/n#ryomen sukuna x you#sukuna x y/n#sukuna x you#sukuna crackfic#crackfic#jjk crack#jjk crackfic#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk fanfic#sukuna fluff#sukuna ryomen#ryomen sukuna x reader#sukuna x reader#ryomen sukuna#sukuna#jujutsu kaisen ryomen#ryomen x reader#jjk ryomen
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woof. your recent posts really resonate with me especially now that im making more gay and trans friends, im meeting so many cool nonmonogamous trans people that seem to have casual sex with basically all their nonmonogamous trans friends and like. its almost giving me a complex where if i think someone is cool and want to be friends with them, even if im not attracted to them, i have a perception that the only way to befriend them is to pursue them sexually. or that if they dont wanna fuck me when they fuck all their other trans friends that means there's something wrong with me (again even if i don't particularly want to fuck them!)... i love being trans and poly, and i love having more trans and poly people in my life, but sometimes i think about this one reddit comment where a dude said he noticed his gay friend had way more fun at straight bars than gay bars bc at straight bars he wasn't worrying about his appearance/body image/validation/sexual prospects
yeah honestly i get this so much and it's a very dismaying swirl of emotions to have. i don't like fucking friends. at all. it actively makes me feel unsafe and like i'm only useful to someone insofar as i'm satisfying a desire for them. it makes me feel more disposable. plus im insanely jealous if i have an actual emotional connection with someone i'm fucking so i wouldn't do well in a whole poly queer mish mosh of dear devoted friends who also sometimes bang. i would be plotting the downfall of the people i was most primed to view as a threat and sowing discord between people and shit. not good.
i also think it is a little fucking concerning when people only date/have sex as their sole way to make friends, and are only friends with people they want to fuck. this tends to create a very homogenous friend group that is heavily restricted based on desirability politics. it's also just really objectifying and unsustainable.
now i must say!! this is very much in the minority of poly people -- poly people are generally fucking AMAZING at being friends because even as just their buddy they treat hanging out with the same degree of intention and care as they would going on a date. they can hang! they want to go out and do things! they're more practiced in building a new intimacy of *any* kind than most monogamous people are.
it's just that there are some weird culty up their own ass bad boundaried polycules out there, in the same way there are abusive, codependent, jealous, miserable fucking monog couples.
but even tho most queer and poly people are more ascended than that, yeah, there is a weird unsettling constant self-evaluation that can happen in spaces where fucking almost anybody is theoretically on the table. some of that is a problem in how people treat one another, and some of that is just insecurity in between your own ears.
i get it fully. im hyper conscious of myself and how i imagine im being perceived and how people are seeing me when im out in queer spaces. and most of it is me being fully insane and making myself miserable based on nothing. because literally who cares who is attracted to me in that space and who isn't??? what matters is what i want in that moment, and my behavior, which i have control over. i should be able to just float around smiling at people and dancing and chit chatting and if someone is feeling my energy and we can talk, great, if they try to make it sexual when i dont want it to, i can just walk away. like it fully does not need to be that deep.
but it's a hard internal hurdle to overcome and every time someone hits on you, ignores you, misreads your identity, etc it can be used by your mind as fodder for The Narratives and The Insecurities and make things worse and it really has to be an intentional practice to not do that to yourself.
if you can bounce along carelessly in the straight club because you're not worrying about how people see you, you can bounce along carelessly in the queer club and not worry about how people see you. literally treat queer people the same way you'd treat straight people who seem perfectly fine but are not your problem and not a focus for you. you can stop trying to mind read the intentions of every queer person and stop sizing yourself up in their eyes and not worrying about who is fucking who and who is in love with who and who is secretly jealous but pretending not to be. and just. hang out. and feel things out. and exist in your own body and pay attention to what interests you and what you are experiencing rather than how they are experiencing you.
i say this as a reminder to myself!!
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The glimpses we got of Jeff Ward in the opla blooper reel fill me with brain worms because now I am thinking about young Buggy not really being able to control his devil fruits ability for a while and Shanks doing his best to help him train. I can just see Buggy holding his own head between his legs before then faceplanting onto the floor and Shanks laughing his ass off, before offering to spot his friend doing more elaborate tricks like bouncing it from shoulder to shoulder so he can catch it before it hits the deck again when he messes up.
„ UGH! You’re supposed to CATCH me not bash my skull in!“ „Sorry.“ „God you suck. I only cant do this because you distract me so much.“ Shanks snorts and grins down at the upside down pouting clown head in his hands. „I don’t know. I just think you’re unlucky.“ „CAN IT.“ „Nah, you need all the luck you can get.“ With a swift motion Shanks raps his knuckles three times against Buggies forehead, to which his crewmate reacts with angry screams of pain and indignation „KNOCK ON WOOD!“ „FUCK YOU!!“ Buggys world twirls in a flash and for one second his body looses his balance just from the whiplash his head is experiencing. When he catches himself he’s upright and face to face with his insufferable Bunkmate who gives him a toothy grin. „Hm what else?“ „DONT“ „Fingers crossed.“ The clown let’s out yet another undignified squawk as Shanks crosses his fingers and mimes dropping him in the process for a second. Buggies body is now trying to grab at Shanks who’s easily sidestepping his friends strangling hands. „I’LL KILL-„ „Maybe it’s like one of those dice you have to blow on for good luck.“ Buggys world once again turns topsy turvy as the redhead flips him upside down once more, his chopped neck exposed upwards and any screams of protest die in his throat as he sees Shanks face getting closer to his neck just at the edge of his vision. Once again he feels thrown off balance, but not because of the sudden movement but because for a single second, he’s met with the faintest feeling of lips on his neck and a slight touch of air as Shanks exhales on the part that usually is connected to his own body. It’s almost unnoticeable and entirely too short to be on purpose, but Buggy still lets the almost kiss happen in shock and mentally thanks whatever sea deity he can think of that Shanks can’t see the look on his face right now. The room spins yet again and he moves his arm upwards almost like a reflex, his head colliding with his own wrist and rolling downwards from one shoulder to the other till it reaches the other wrist and with a flick of his elbow his head bounces off himself and reattaches itself to its neck. His mind clears mid and he realizes Shanks is cheering for him „LOOK AT YOURSELF! THAT WAS SO COOL!“ And all Buggy can do is turn away with faux annoyance and pretend his flush is from being overly embarrassed by his friends happy outburst and hope he doesn’t notice that his fingers keep ghosting over the part where his neck head usually detaches.
I cannot be more serious when I say that I have been thinking about this all day. This is so on point, like... I had a silly little smile on my face while reading this, it feels like it's ripped out of a fic I need more!
I really wanna add something but idk if I can?? it's just so perfect???
Though talking about holding bodily parts, I can imagine Shanks holding Buggy's hand for no reason, even if it's just detached. He'll just be out and about, minding his own business on the ship, and someone will ask him "Buggy, where's your other hand? Why're only with only one?"
To which he'll just make a grumpy face, which the other shipmates quickly learn mean that Shanks is just pocketing random parts for tun again. Bonus points for if he does it with also for fun, just Buggy waking up with one less leg and searching for it while Shanks giggles. Buggy would probably "beat him up" with his severed leg later, but it's too funny to him to not do it once in a while.
OH! Bonus bonus points for when they meet again and Shanks is one arm lighter than Buggy remembers, he accidentally sadly murmurs "You can't hold me like you used to..." under his breath. When Shanks asks him to repeat, he panics and goes "It's like karma from when you used to tease me" or something like that.
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@shadowfells OKAY HERE WE GO
i'm 25 hours in, i'm level 17 with a few perk points not spent cuz i'm hoarding for my specialisation unlock at 20, and the last side content i did was making me fight level 24-25 enemies and a level 36 boss! i did respec once because i realised champion had abilities i really wanted to use so i went a different path in the skill tree and so i've now tried nearly every warrior ability not tied to a specialisation !! i've not changed any of the hotkeys or settings from default and i play with controller ^_^
neutrally i wanna say.. ur companions dont really do much if ur not using their skills manually. they do very little chip damage. they very rarely take aggro. theyre kinda just there as moral support unless ur going out of ur way to use their skills . which i recommend ! they can do intense damage and support u in really interesting ways !!
so some cons for combat... the camera can sometimes hate you but for the most part it should be ok, auto lock on has fucked me a few times but its easy to recover, i am still learning how to properly time perfect blocking especially as a dwarf because sometimes enemies simply miss me because i am small so i'm pretty block to perfect block but nothing is hitting me and its just awkward for both me and the enemy, dodging is quite slow and there seems to be an invisible timer for it so in some bosses that say constantly unleash attacks on you but you just rolled out of the way of the first and u need 0.1 seconds to roll again but the attacks coming out too fast for you to have that time (speaking of, avoid being chilled like the plague. that dodge timer gets LONG), sometimes its just not quite clear what's going on? the game is very flashy and theres soooo much happening that it can get visually overwhelming especially when things are taking longer to die cuz they're out levelling you
ok pros....... the abilities are fun to use, warrior rage took forever to get early on but now i can get loads of rage and i feel like a rage machine so i can use abilities all the time, its copied mass effect in that biotic detonations are here and you can combo it with ur companions just like in mass effect (this game feels quite mass effect 3 and dragon age 2 like we combined those two games) and that can be pretty darn fun, especially my bellara + harding combo because the enemy gets sort of locked in place and that fucks, i love that you can interrupt enemies with staggering attacks like even big bosses they can be charging their massive red attack and if i do a drop kick or a stomp on them it cancels the attack and it can feel sooo good lining up ur ability use like that, potion consuming is fast and every companion has a heal and bellara has an auto heal which ooofff has becoming so helpful to me, the bosses actually feel like thoughtout bosses which is sooo important to me i feel like i'm dancing around a fromsoft boss sometimes especially when they out level me and the boss fight takes over 10 minutes, the opportunity for Cool Moments is everywhere in this combat system it WANTS you to feel like a badass and to have moments where ur like OUUGHHH CLIP THATTT I WISH SOMEONE WAS WATCHING DID U SEE THATTTT and i have definitely had PLENTY of those i feel very cool playing this game, i have a rune now that freezes every enemy around me with a massive radius which FUCKS SO HARD runes are REALLY cool, theres so much BUILD opportunity here like with accessories that do unique shit including new effects when you use ur potion, i got an accessory today that boosts my damage when im at low health and makes it so i can never be max health like OUGHHHH THATS SICK???, i also got an ability for warrior that makes my weapon go on fire when i parry and it makes all my attacks do like cleave damage and its so cool i feel so rewarded for playing well,
hmmm thats all i can think of right now but honestly. the games combat has become so fun to me i am eager to get to more enemies . it definitely improves once u get more abilities and perks and stuff. and once u get used to it which did take me a bit as you know. idk i love it. i want to play BECAUSE i want to go find another boss and kick its butt. .... hmm ok yeah i cant think of anything more to say
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🍡 unwanted thoughts and overthinking
all of us deal with these from time to time, some more often than others. i havent found too much about these subjects on this side of tumblr but i personally wanted to shed a little bit of light on it as i am very familiar with both of these things & wanna help! <3
ೀ definitions -
intrusive thoughts: unwanted thoughts or mental images that make people feel uncomfortable that can range from harmless to severe.
overthinking: to think too much about something in a way that is more harmful than helpful.
ೀ part 1, intrusive thoughts
first off, your thoughts create your reality. this may seem incredibly redundant in this context but hear me out. YOUR thoughts create your reality, the ones you are actively creating and in control of, not the ones that appear out of the blue or make you scared or upsey or uncomfortable like these. these do not reflect you as a person nor the world you live in in any way because they are not yours, and only your thoughts can create your reality.
recognise that 99% of the time these are not serious. they are so far off what is actually or will actually happen that its funny, so treat it as such. if it sounds absurd that you could even think such a thing, treat it as such. laughing at absurdity is natural and this is just another example of that. "what if they laugh at me for __?" and why would they do that. "what if i did ____" what reason would you have to do that. would you take someone asking you these questions or telling you these things seriously? no. this isnt any different.
so in my head i refer to this as a "battle strategy" because its similar to that of a soldier aiming and firing at whatever enemy comes their way. for example; you get one of these unwanted thoughts. you attack back - replace this with 3 good thoughts, memories or affirmations. if this is attacked back, you defend yourself again, and so on. call me dramatic but imagining out an entire scene in my head to go along with this is so fun and makes me feel way less gross about it all😭
please please please dont beat urself up over it, like i said earlier these are not your thoughts, they do not reflect you in any way. you are beautiful and safe and protected and a good, pure soul and i love you sm <33
(note: please reach out to someone if these thoughts are interfering with your everyday life or seriously affecting your mental health. you are not a bad person and it doesnt make you any lesser for reaching out for help. i am not an expert, i am simply stating what helps me and has helped me in the past. ily)
ೀ part 2, overthinking
investigate. say you have a presentation tomorrow. you are really worried and thinking so much about every little detail. first thing - why are you worried? "because of what they'll think of me." why is that an issue? "what if they laugh at me because im wrong or i did something differently or (list of a billion absurd & unlikely things that can go wrong)?" why is that an issue? "i dont want people to dislike me." why does that matter? where did this concern come from? from then on you can sit down and think about why this may be or where this may have stemmed from, find the root cause of this and go from there. curiosity is the most lethal weapon one can wield, and that applies to yourself, too.
sit. do nothing. sit in complete silence, no phone, no device, no distraction. be your own cheerleader and annoy yourself by going on and on about it in your head until you annoy yourself into doing it <3 (learnt this from my younger brother)
weigh out the pros and cons and measure it from there. if the pros outweigh the cons, you start immediately, no distractions. if the cons outweigh the pros, think about it and think is it really worth causing all this trouble over?
reassure yourself & again dont beat yourself up over it!! this is normal and you can beat it!!! lets do this!!!! 🫶
i love you!!!! so much!!! i believe in you & we can do this!!!! 🩷🩷
#♡#procrastination#overthinking#intrusive thoughts#mental health#self improvement#self love#girlblogging#wonyoungism#glow up era#we can do it#!!!!! <3#i love you#lots and lots
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So I got bored and decided to binge rewatch some deltarune theory videos and now I'm writing this i guess. I dont hang out too much in the deltarune tumblr tags so idk how much of this is spewing well agreed ideas already but...
Its interesting to me how susie and noelle have this sort of order v chaos thing in terms of their narrative roles. (This is looking like a long post so ill be kind and add a cut here)
Susie is like the character that drills the "your choices dont matter" concept into you (the player - if im referring to kris in this post ill use their name). Not only is she the first to say it but the main times where you make a choice and it doesnt matter are because theyre stopped by susie. Iirc, the only power you have over susie in her segments in both chapters are in puzzle solving (something that actively aids her in her goal). During both the lancer battle and the ferris wheel scene you cannot change what happens. You just have to sit there and watch. Not only that, but susie also can straight up override your decisions in moments like when you try and decide who to go with at the crossroads in chapter 2. You also cannot stop Susie fighting at the start of chapter 1. Some of the few choices that you do make (how you design the thrash machine in chapter 1, speaking to onion san in chapter 1 in hometown) are specifically done when susie isnt around to stop you.
Susie, intentionally or not, forces some order upon the story. She helps force the beads down their designated path, or whatever that metaphor in the hospital is.
However, in chapter 2, susie, by her own choice, leaves for a while and its our new party member who allows us to make a big choice that will matter. Snowgrave. Ive seen people point out before that the snowgrave route really parallels noelles history with game bugs (shown mainly through the sweepstakes blog posts) as the route feels like a game break. In fact it is a game break, considering you are supposed to not have any meaningful choices and do the normal route. It sort of makes it seem like Noelle herself facillitated the route. Not only that, but Noelle (likely due to insecurities in her relationship with Kris) lets you make a lot of choices when you are with her. (I think it could even been argued noelles presence allows you to override susies tendency to stop you making choices in the cutscene at the start of chapter 2).
So Noelle allows you to make the choices, allows the chaos. Susie keeps you on a set road, enforces the order.
This is a fun frame on their relationship. If you told me there was 2 characters, one of which was a girl who was a known rulebreaker and bully and the others was a girl who was top of her class and the mayors daughter, and asked me to tell you which one was chaos and which one was order, i would get it wrong! (It also seems like a good framework to throw some tragedy upon their relationship but lets not think about that rn)
But now if you are anything like me you will be thinking "where do ralsei and kris (as our other 2 established main characters) fall onto this chaos v order paradigm we have established?"
Lets start with kris, as their position feels more quantifiable. Kris does what you tell them. By our established parameters that should make them more chaos leaning. However, Kris will actively stop you from affecting how each chapter ends. This suggests that they want some sort of order, or control over you but will allow you most of the time to make decisions, and allow chaos.
This suggests Kris is order leaning but chaos permitting.
Ralsei, meanwhile, i dont think sits on the paradigm as we have established it. He wants the prophecy to be fulfilled but he wants us to make changes that lead there. He gets upset when Kris is unable to make choices but firmly believes we must fulfill the prophecy. What ralsei does and doesnt know about Kris or us is vague and unknown, and therefore by extension how he feels about Kris and us is vague and unknown.
So is he more order - forcing us to do specific things and stopping us from having meaningful choices in the story? Not really... But then is he more chaos - allowing us to make big changes? In a sort of apathetic, not really bothered way maybe. All in all, i think Ralsei falls outside of the scale, as he has a very unique relationship with us and Kris.
Generally, choices and chaos and order are all very big themes in deltarune. So i think its interesting to link the two together like this.
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Ok, going to add to the "Trans Noelle antlers" discourse.
First, disclaimer this is all just for fun and stuff not telling you that Noelle is or is not trans, just had some thoughts after thinking what causes antlers to grow.
Let's go through the debate cycle again.
"Noelle is trans because she has antlers." "Noelle is a reindeer and both male and female reindeer have antlers." "Male and Female reindeer loose their antlers at different times"
I want to add another step to that cycle.
"Would HRT affect when Noelle sheds her antlers?"
From this paper, testosterone lowers when male reindeer are about to lose their antlers, but those that are castrated (and thus dont have any T in their system) actually keep their antlers over the winter in the long run. The study also shows that hormones like estradiol are likely what lets female reindeer keep their antlers into spring.
Now this can mean many things for Noelle. If Noelle is on HRT, she would likely have a similar Antler cycle to IRL female reindeers if she like cycled her hormones or something.
(Basically similar to how some folks try and change their hormone doses to match a menstrual cycle, except for Noelle this would be a yearly cycle and not monthly.)
Or, maybe Noelle doesn't cycle her HRT, and in that case idk what would happen. Maybe she'd lose her antlers later then male reindeer, but earlier then female ones. Maybe if its high enough it would keep her antlers for longer, or prevent them from shedding or something? Idk I just skimmed the article and I feel like I'm already doing to much to research a lesbian deer girl from a video game.
Even if Noelle was on puberty blockers, then she'd at least keep her antlers for the winter, like male reindeer without testosterone.
(Also, if Noelle was a deer and not a reindeer, then hormones/blockers would likely prevent her antlers to grow in the first-place once they've been shed.)
I have only just learned (in April) that this is inaccurate for deer. If Noelle was a deer and started blockers before growing antlers, the above is correct. If she started blockers after developing antlers, she'd still grow antlers, it's just they wouldn't leave the velvet stage and wouldn't naturally shed.
I have no clue what HRT would do though because I don't think scientists have injected male deer with estrogen. (COME ON SCIENTISTS DO IT FOR SCIENCE!)
Now I guess there's one more question, if Noelle is trans, would she be able to access HRT or puberty blockers?
Well, Rudy at least supports her identity, so he likely wouldn't have any problem with Noelle medically transitioning.
If Mayor Holiday was transphobic, and had the authority to keep Noelle from gender affirming care like Hormones or blockers, you would think she'd also put her hoof down on her daughter presenting femme too. (and Rudy might have something to say if his transphobic wife tried to prevent his daughter from transitioning.)
Money likely wouldn't be an issue seeing as Noelle's mom's the mayor, (and has been for awhile) and even then the large ornate gate at their house makes me think that Holiday's are on the richer side.
Only way I could see Noelle being trans and not on Hormones or Blockers is either if she for some reason didn't want them, or if Hometown is located in some transphobic country or municipality that banned trans-kids from accessing gender affirming care, and the latter honestly seems a little too depressingly real for a Toby Fox game.
(Insert something plagiarized from Shadow of Roserade's video on UT/DR's queer joy.)
youtube
Now, dispute all this arguing and stuff I think there's one factor we're ignoring here; we're assuming that reindeer monster biology and IRL reindeer biology are analogous.
We don't know how monster reindeer antlers work. Maybe all reindeer monsters have them, but they don't shed them so we cant use antlers to determine if Noelle is trans. Maybe AMAB reindeer monsters grow antlers, their permanent, and Noelle got hers before medically transitioning meaning she'd need like "antler reduction surgery" or something to remove them when she's older.
All the above theorizing means is that if Noelle has a similar antler cycle to IRL female reindeer, it doesn't mean she's cis because HRT can affect that.
There's no way to confirm if Noelle is or is not trans unless like more concrete evidence shows up in later chapters, like estradiol tablets in Noelle's room or something.
The most we've got is unused sprites for Noelle's room in queen's mansion that show pill bottles (Shown earlier in this post). This is still not enough as we don't know what these pill bottles are. They could be anything from anti-depressants to medicine for Rudy! (also the fact the sprites we're never used.)
TL;DR, there's no way to tell if Noelle's trans or cis, and trying to track when her antlers shed is futile as HRT would likely effect that.
I'm still going to pretend she's trans though as I love the headcanon for no particular reason. (spoiler alert, the reason is I'm trans!)
#posts from tigerbear's tumblr#deltarune#deltarune theory#deltarune headcanon#headcanons#noelle#noelle holiday#noelle antlers#trans noelle holiday#transfem noelle#trans#transgender#reindeer#animal biology#i guess#reindeer biology#HRT#rudy holiday#mayor holiday#headcanon#deltarune headcanons#btw when I refer to “male” and “female” reindeer in this post i'm specifically talking about the irl animal reindeer#and how they may be similar to dr monster reindeer#wouldnt use those terms for the dr reindeer monsters bc they have things like gender identities#while irl reindeer do not#also if you notice the post is very slightly different between reblogs that's because I have fixed some grammatical mistakes#and made things slightly more clear
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i dont think hogs self aware enough about his own issues either but i do think hes more on the level vis a vis "what makes this guy worth it". theyre funny. he owes it to them. hes tried everything to get them to leave and they just come back so hes kind of just stuck with them. theyre hot. theyre fun when they arent acting crazy. theyre kind of fun even when they are acting crazy. they like him a whole lot and the attention is flattering. they hate him a whole lot and that feels pretty good too.
the rest is UNDER A CUT BECAUSE I GOT CRAZYAYYY
on a more honest level i think hes got some sort of self flagellation going on here where he both abandons them and keeps them around because they remind him of the thing hes moping over. theyre like the physical manifestation of a bad choice that ruined the life of someone he cared about and changed everything so drastically forever that its impossible to even pretend to be normal about it. and the same way he does in wasted land he flip flops between "i ruined everything and i deserve nothing better than to mope in the ruins until i die because i BROKE it" and "everything has always been fucked and we were doomed from the start and its better to just bury it and move on and be someone else" hes got an avoidant cycle about it and again theyre a good physical manifestation for that issue that he can take it out on. it helps that neither of them really mind being the others punching bag and both on some level understand that it does make them feel better to rip into each other for a little bit. but from fishs pov it just seems like hes randomly hot and cold on them where one day hes choking you out and telling you you shouldve just laid down and died and the next day hes washing your hair and carrying you to bed and the next hes laughing like nothing ever happened and the next he wont even look at you and so on and so on. and it frustrates them because its all so wishy washy that it doesnt really scratch the itch and they feel like they cant make up their mind on how to feel about him because he cant make up his mind about if he fucking hates them or not and it makes it really hard to be mad at him or to love him or to forget about him. so while hes doing this whole lash out -> remember that you love this person and at some point cared about not hurting them -> freak out about how you cant touch anything without breaking it and you deserve to go rot in a hole forever -> just straight up leave because you dont have any way to resolve that feeling because you are a broken person 😀👍 theyre having their own erratic freakouts because they cant take any one thing for too long without feeling like its going to break so even when things are going okay they provoke him into lashing out again because its easier to hate him when hes treating them like that, yk? like its just easier. you get to hate his guts forever and get your rocks off too. and theyre scared when things are good because a)its only a matter of time before it isnt anymore and THEY want to be the one in control of when things fall apart this time and b)they hate how much they love him because again he just doesnt seem to be able to love them the way thwy want. they want 100% one way or the other and the back and forth up and down drives them CRAZYYYYYY. esp because again he is NOT self aware and he is NOT the kind of guy to talk about his feelings at all so its just this brick wall of a man who doesnt listen to anything you say and sometimes seemingly completely randomly decides that he wants nothing to do with you and you just knoooow hes going to break your stupid heart again and its your fault. so yeah sometimes they sit on top of him with a machete at his throat and wait until he wakes up just to see what he'll do because its EASIERRRRRRRR than being in love with him despite everythiiiing.
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12. What's your go-to fantasy? Why do you think you enjoy it so much?
19. Whats the funniest sexual thing thats happened to you or someone you know?
22. Do you have something sexual you're really proud of? What is it?
--2chronicallygreyt2handle
12. What's your go-to fantasy? Why do you think you enjoy it so much?
This kinda cycles back to the last ask you sent wherein i mentioned i havent much time/energy for showing myself a good time in that i'm not sure i remember much of my fav fantasies. That being said...
Generally my go-to fantasies involve me not having a ton of control (whether its due to bondage or an overpowering monster or hypnosis or intox or what-have-you) and lately they have increasingly involved a certain pair of ghey mutuals (who shall remain nameless) in the dominant roles. Or one in a dominant role and the other in a sub role with me. Or one who is submissive to me and the other i am submissive to. Or any number of combinations really...
Anyways
The mutuals are recurrent in my fantasies cuz of ghey yearning lol. Simple as that.
I think the lack of control is popular with me cuz i have so much on my plate all the goddamn time and cuz i'm in a comptop situation with my domestic partner i only get to be submissive and let go once in a blue moon (more like every third blue moon but i digress) and bottom even less often than that. I just want a fucking break sometimes y'know? I mean like... i dont even have the time these days to rail myself silly, much less try and get someone else to do it. And dont get me wrong topping and domming can be fun and good stress relief but it can only go so far and i just...
That got away from me. Moving on.
19. Whats the funniest sexual thing thats happened to you or someone you know?
I can't think of anything particularly humorous? Tho i think the way i lost my virginity is funny so i can talk about that
Basically i moved to the town of the girl i was long distance dating for college reasons (it was a poor decision, hush). After the initial first little bit of being all over each other faded she got a little jealous that i was making friends and building community (red flag, i know, but this aint about that) and decided to have a contest. She wanted to see who could endure not being allowed to kiss the other person the longest. Loser takes the winner on fancy dinner date or something. I forget. I remember thinking it was silly (in a good way) and easy (thanks to the autism and aromantic) so i spent a week teasing her about it and how poorly she was doing; i kept faking her out and getting her riled up before leaving for class cuz i thought it was funny to see her flustered. End of the week arrives and she breaks and kisses me. Next thing i remember is having a moment of clarity and laughing while balls deep inside her cuz she lost the bet so fucking hard. She did not appreciate my laughter.
I never did get that fancy dinner date
22. Do you have something sexual you're really proud of? What is it?
I can't think of anything specifically? I mean everytime i make my parnter cum just from eating them out i can feel 14 y/o me beaming with pride cuz that was a skill i wanted. But other than that???
Idk. I haven't had very varied sexual experiences and encounters yet. Come back when i get a threesome under my belt or something idk
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Eh mental health is annoying. Buying & cooking cheap low-FODMAP diet is annoying. My best top note for now is I'm using this blog to practice writing. I need more practice in it. I only know business, accounting & economics stuff. Its stupid stuff. Theres too much actual fraud everywhere that its annoying
Also I use mobile so formatting sucks cause Nvidia GPUs, or Arch dont like tumblr site. Or tumblr site dont like tumbkr site
Also also I 100,000% support all my fellow ones-and-zeros and their identity. Everyone is welcome here.
Except transphobes/zionist/long list of others but you get it. I'll help harrass any of those types endlessly if someone wants to tag me, and bring me in on an argument like that friend you call for backup with fights
Im unhinged so who's to say exactly what will end up here but this is also a completely public blog to me friends, family, hell, even acquaintances i dont give a fuc.
Blog should be expected to be roughly as child-friendly as simpsons or bobs burgers. But also boring like a civics/economics lesson sometimes. Yay
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I (and my husband) am ex mormon. Its a weird thing. Look into it if you havent recently. Realllllyyyy look into. Takes time to figure it all out in this fuckin fucked up world.
I just moved a year ago. Didnt watch the US stock market as much as I normally do. Had my first snowstorm 10 weeks ago, that was.. fun to handle while ill prepared. About 6 weeks ago I was hopping back on the market and notice its a huge tech bubble about to pop and all the conditions Ive been warned about my whole career imply this is not good. Just took a little more thinking & digging and I'm a little too confident to stop talking about it now.
(Oh I'm also care-free as fuc so I dont really read or desire to change past posts more than lil-nitpicks. More informative for the reader & myself-in-the-future-reading that way)
And I'm not kidding I do love feedback & questions. Its a very public blog tho so I get that part for sure.
If you search "life story" in my tags I had that pinned for a min Im just moving shit around rn
Being poor sucks. Will write more on that later.
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First of all-- the exact timeline of an "economic shock" is literal insanity. Dont worry about the exact timing of any of this-- just know its doomed to happen soon.
Here are some effects I predict of this upcoming economic downturn
If anyone comes across any sources for these events that support my arguments please feel free to add in comments, reblogs, etc.
This concise list is mainly for my own reference, but it would be great to add to it if any one has something to add!
0.5. US Stock market collapse-- I have no desire to try and predict this one exactly. Too many conspiracies are actually correct about this big guy. Lets just say 7 US Tech stocks are worth 25% of the entire worlds market, roughly. "Too big to fail"-- I believe is the phrase
1. Corporate (slightly later will be residential by extension) real estate crisis: currently way too overvalued. Most of the houses, land, & urban corporate property we see could stand to decrease by about 60-90% from its current price.
2. Bankruptcy crisis: similar to the after-effects of the 70s inflation-- we can expect to see a huge wave of bankruptcies affecting a variety of business: from the micro-self employed; to the small business with leased buildings; to the largest corporations who commit massive accounting fraud & hope to escape accountability in time
3. Bank runs-- there is an extremely high overreliance on the Federal Reserve, who does not have good control over this situation. Once it becomes clear that there is a crisis (we call this a catalyst event)-- bank runs for physical cash are a surety. Hard to say how long a crisis like this might last. I should ask my siblings who lived near the SVB bank crisis hotspot (but those were rich fucks they do their "bank runs" over the phone)
3.5. Global currency collapse, which takes effect in every single local, state, & national economy at slightly different times. This means prices lower. Much lower. But takes time
4. Whatever the fuck the geopolitics is gonna do???. Its weird. You got Russia wanting to invade Europe? (Look at global economic forum 2024) Trump wants to let them. Biden wants to be an establishment corporate ass. North Korea has changed its #1 public enemy to South Korea (dont remember my source but it was a couple months ago). USA is stationing more troops in Taiwan, but probably only because of semiconductor technology?
The scope of our global financial woes are larger than can be explained in any of our lifetimes. Its much, much closer to pre-revolution France or the late 1920s. Big change is coming. Itll be soon
5. More to come
#anti capitalism#economics#geopolitics#real estate#bankruptcy#banks#corporate fucks#pinned post#mental health sucks ball sacks#arch linux#nvidia is a scam bubble like enron#simpsons#bobs burgers#intro post#will change it more later
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