#its just nice to see sport people being like oh yeah my dog is old but he is healthy and can still go

[darkwood-sleddog]

I love seeing all the mushers i follow on social medias post about their specific dogs on their Iditarod teams. Dogs of all ages, dogs that are “old”. I know that pretty much all mushers know that age isn’t necessarily a factor when it comes to a dog’s ability to run and perform well and it’s nice to see dogs doing stuff well past an age that many much too online sport people I know say about their dog’s “limited window” for competitive sport or whatever.

[calehenituseappreciation]

Ive seen a lot of Dream (and usually Techno and Phil too) as gods au (i have one too dw) but all of you are sleeping on the funniest option.

Tommy is the god.

Tommy.

hes the only one in that galaxy (other than drista ofc)

Just imagine how fucking funny it is like 

it would be so fucking hilarious

and tommy just doesnt tell them

so techno is just there making all these blood god jokes and jokingly telling tommy to serve him and tommys just laughing

imagine a god in the form of a chaotic 16 year old racoon gremlin just walts into your land commits arson and gets banned, only to come back with another person who he helps start a nation for drugs?

imagine how fucking funny it is

just

imagine tubbo banning a literal god from his lands and he just doesnt come back? he just plays by the rules? then goes and like sits in the corner all sad because some humans/dreamons told him to leave

ranboo, just joining the server: hi-  a chaotic gremlin god: wanna commit arson with me?  ranboo, just trying to vibe and maybe not disturb this god: sure 

Phil and Ranboo recongnize Tommy as a god on sight.

Everyone else just refuses to believe it. hes Tommy. Tommyinnit. hes just weird lol

And Drista being a fucking chaotic blood god? 

drista is open about her godhood and does not hesitate to spawn blocks

Drista finds Dream and decides she likes this small human, and dream just has to deal with it lmao.

drista and tommy are both born at the same time.

Tommy is a god of music, chaos, war and theivery (the last one bc he is a BITCH)

Drista is the blood god, chaos, deception, and theatre

okay but imagine the sbi interactions... like ig in this au tommy joins at like 12/13 years of age (in their minds) so he doesnt really grow much 

and like tommy, a literal god, just claiming phil as his father???

phil, in his house making eggs, assuming one of his sons woke up and came to the kitchen, not looking: hey son  tommy, from their couch, already deciding hes phils son now: whats up dad? phil: looks up at tommy who are you tommy: idk dad, who am i  phil: *stares at tommy for a second* eh i made extra eggs you can stay 

ASJIDGASUIOG IMAGINE TOMMY TELLING THEM HES A GOD BUT THEY THINK HES JOKING AND IGNORE HIM

everyone on the server: tommy is the youngest! tommy, as old as the universe: no im not!!!! im not a child!!!! he doesnt pout because pouting is for children and hes not a child but hes pouting tubbo: lol im older than you by a month tommy dont try to hide it tommy: im not a child!!!! techno: laughs

tommy doesn't try to hide that hes a god just its tommy

thats all the evedince anyone needs to think tommy isnt a god or powerful its like mcc hes good but only when he doesnt throw for content

quackity: sees drista written in bedrock lmao drista visited? tommy: yeah! i wrote that for her!  quackity: snorts yeahhhh sureee tommy

imagine like how fucking funny it is jsut like 

a fucking chaotic god breaks into your house androbs you makes a room under your house and decides to live in your floorboards

imagine dream like trying to manipulate tommy, and tommy a fucking anchient diety immeditly recongnizes what hes doing

but decides to play along for the angst and giggles and then actually gets mad when no one fucking cares for his theatrics

tommy, storming off to technos base to rob and build under: >:///// cant believe none of them acknoledged my  deppression 

i love that tommy stills robs everyone, he doesnt need to he can spawn in anything he wants

he just does it for the sport of robbery

JAKOGFSDOH

THE HOLY LAND

dream: im god actually tommy: thats so fucking funny lets make a cult about that :)  dream: see! look! im god! and jesus!  tommy: wheezing

imagine tommy getting stressed and letting go of his mortal form

Tommy, his human form peeling away, showing his actual form a bit: WH̸͘A͠T̷ ̶̢T͞H͢E ̡͘F̴̵͘Ù̧C͜K҉ ̶T͘͜͞E͟CHǸ͏Ǫ  Techno: HAH?

tommy just saw tubbo and got emotionally attached

Tommy, a literal god: hello Tubbo: oh hi do you like my pet bee? Tommy: you’re mine now Tubbo: im okay with this

tommy, a bored god: gives techno shapeshifting powers  techno, not even caring: changes into more human to pig-ishg forms as he wishes this is my life now ig 

phil lets tommy do fuck all in exile bc he knows hes a god hes fine

phil: IDC IF YOURE A GOD! YOU WILL DO THE DISHES NOW YOUNG MAN! tommy: grumbles but does them

phil is the only one who can control tommy

god... tommy... with star freckles... on his human form... (as well as his god one)

tommy: f̷͛͠a̵̋t̵̒̑h̸̚e̶̓͝r̸͊ ̸̐̒i̴ ̸̅̿d̷̉͆o̵͂͋ ̵̛̆ñ̸̾ő̶́t̸̎́ w̶͆͘i̴͠s̵̓̈́h̸͗́ ̵̯͗f̶͋́ő̴͑r̷̐̌ ̶͝é̵̽g̸͊͂g̵̒s̷͂̃  phil: idc, eat your goddamn eggs tommy: pouts

tommy, despite being able to get supplies himself by fucking spawning them in: hey tubbo? we need supplies 

In this au ig like if a god claims you you get a mark on your skin showing that. Drista’s would be like a green crown, Tommys would be a red and white disk (white as the outer ring and red as the center) (its different enough that if you don’t realise tommy is a god you wouldnt realise whos it is) (schlatt is the only one who never had one which shoulda been a sign dude :/)

Dream has two from the beginning, everyone else has only one, well until they meet drista. (sbi have had one since they met tommy, though they dont remember the first time they met tommy)

wait what if tommy like found them all as children one by one and later kinda pulled some strings to get them all in one kingdom. (he still joined sbi through forcing phil to adopt him) 

OKAY BUT IMAGINE IF TOMMY MET TECHNO WHEN TECHNO WAS YOUNG ENOUGH TO NOT REMEMBER

tommy would hang out with baby techno and tell him stories

once he told him the story of a man named thesus

another time he told him the story of a blood god

like for example tommys first time meeting techno would be like

(for context techno lived in a shitty village and was an orphan and it was kinda a dog eat dog place, he learned how to be strong because of it)(he was young enough that he doesn’t remember this well, just like learning about the blood god and someone giving him gold)

baby techno: sighs tommy, appearing out of nowhere: oh heyyy whyre you sad? techno: jumps turning around with a knife up ready for a fight who are you tommy: im tommy! :) techno: what do you want from me! you dont scare me! tommy: whats your name! techno: i have a knife! i'll use it! tommy: of course, thats a given, but its rude not to tell people your name techno, confused: t-technoblade? tommy: smiles thats a nice name techno: so. tommy: hm? techno: why're you here tommy: i don't have a reason. im just a traveller! techno: then why hole to this terrible village! theres nothing nice here! everyone is terrible and so are you! tommy: hmmmm i dont agree techno: what are you? a child? i thought adults were supposed to know that everyone is mean tommy: mmhmm looks at the bruise on technos face where'd you get that? techno: fight. i won. i'll win against you too! so don't try anything. tommy: of course. i would never win in a fight against a blood god techno, putting down his knife a bit, stars in his eyes: blood god? tommy: grins blood. god. i think she'd like you. techno, muttering: maybe i can give the blood god some of your blood tommy: laughs yeah, she'd defenitly find you intresting tommy: here tosses techno a golden crown at techno, he spawned it in in the moment techno: whats this? tommy: a crown, thought it suit you screams in the distance tommy: huh. i need to go. have fun lil piglin. ruffles technos hair before running off towards the screaming unbeknownst to the pig the blood god was actually the one waiting for the god he met. techno: stares at the crown 

Techno found a pouch of gold in his ‘house’ later that day. he didnt know who left it but it helped him get food for that night. (he kept the crown)

okay but imagine tommy not taking the war seriously at all, and only seeing it as a squabble between mortals, Like toddlers fighting

dream: SURENDER BY TOMMOROW OR WE'LL DECLARE WAR! wilbur: FUCK YOU WE'LL NEVER SURENDER AND JOIN YOUR SMP! Tommy: how cute

tommy doesnt realise that theyre serious until wilbur dies

tommy would usually go apeshit against anyone who dares messes with his humans, but what is he supposed to do when his humans are fighting Eachother?

wilbur: fucking goes insane and dies  tommy: hey- hey can you guys let me talk to wil for a sec? everyone else leaves tommy, unsually somber: sorry i didnt help you i forgot how easily breakable mortals are tommy: this time you wont die, and i'll make it so that you dont break again, okay? tommy: brings wilburs soul out of its body and enters his mindscape ghostbur: wakes up what- where am i? tommy: hi there ghostbur: who are you tommy: i go by a lot of names all, one, you, the world, the universe, god, but you can just call me tommy ghostbur: oh okay. who am i? tommy: you're name was wilbur soot. you were the son of philza minecraft and brother to Technoblade, Tubbo and myself. ghostbur: was? tommy: well you see, you died. ghostbur: oh... well what am i then? tommy: a ghost! well actually its your choice. would you like to continue your existance or fade away with your body? ghostbur: i dont want to fade away! tommy: smiles thats what i thought you'd say stretches his hand to wilbur ghostbur: grabs tommy hand tommy: lets go home

ghostbur doesnt remember that though

he only remembers the good

tommy wont let him remember the bad, what if he breaks again? mortals are so fragile

phil realises what tommy did as soon as he sees ghostbur 

drista, painting tommys nails (there both in god form btw) (after wilburs death btw): tommy shouldn't you of all gods realise how fragile they are?  tommy: i know just... forgot  drista: sighs and nods i get what you mean, especially with the ones we found... they act a lot like gods sometimes i forgot they arent  tommy: ikr? wait- drista here gets drista's hair out of her face you were gonna get it on my nails, anyways, don't judge me. we all know if dream died you would turn him into a ghost too drista: smirks not if you do it first, we all know you would tommy: you say that as if you wouldn't fight me to do it first  drista: .... tommy: ... drista: both of us when he dies? tommy: nods tommy: anyways my turn to do your nails 

or like tommy with ghostbur like

ghostbur: i don't like this :( tommy, a worried brother and god: whats wrong? ghostbur: everyone is mad at me and i d-dont know why- why are they mad at me tommy: theyre mad at something alivebur did ghostbur: b-but im not alivebur sniffs it hurts. i dont like it. tommy: spawns in some blue here ghostbur: whats that? tommy: its some blue! it'll help you not hurt anymore! ghostbur: how does it work? tommy: see how its blue? ghostbur: nods tommy: well its blue because it sucks up all the bad feelings! it'll help ghostbur: !!!!! ghostbur: presses the blue into his chest ghostbur: !!!!its working!!!! :D tommy: smiles good

wilbur fucking died and tommy went from annoying little brother to caring older brother

tommy just wants to help his brother :) though he doesnt realise that not letting ghostbur remember bad memories isnt good

*at logsted shire btw* ghostbur: who are you? tommy, chuckling: did you forget me already ghostbur? ghostbur: i didnt forget you! i think! you're tommy! i just... you're different tommy, looks over at ghostbur: different how? ghostbur: you're not normal are you? tommy: grins whaaaaat? you think im weirdddd? how heartbreaking... my own brother thinks im weird, this is terrible ghostbur: giggles tommy: but really, don't worry about it bur. ghostbur: you sure? tommy: yeah, dont worry about me ghostbur: smiles okay! do you want some blue anyways? tommy: giggles sure! ghostbur: grins

ghostbur isnt worried about tommy

he knows hes strong

phil having to tell tommy that he cant just not let wilbur remember the bad memories

and tommys like "what if he breaks again!" and phil hugs him and tells him to at least ask ghostbur if he wants to remember and tommys like ‘fine’

tommy: hey bur? ghostbur: yeah? tommy: do you like you're memories? ghostbur: i mean, yeah its hard not to when you only remember the good tommy, quietly: would you want to remember the bad? ghostbur: w-what brought this question on tommy: answer the question ghostbur: no- alivebur was badi shouldn't want to- tommy: but what do you want bur? wilbur, silent for a moment: yeah- yeah i do. not that i like the bad memories! they hurt... but i wish i could remember tommy: ... ghostbur: hey tommy? tommy: yeah? ghostbur, with tears in his eyes: do you think they'd be less mad at me if i could remember, maybe then i could repair my relationships, what the hell am i supposed to do when i dont even remember hurting them? tommy: what if they dont? what if you break again? ghostbur, saltily: we'll maybe i'll be able at least be able to say i know why everyone hates me tommy: i know how to get all of your memories back ghostbur, looks towards tommy in shock: you do??? tommy: nods ghostbur, voice wavering: for how long tommy: since the beginning ghostbur: and you didnt tell me tommy: i did what i thought was best. i just didnt want you to hurt anymore. ghostbur, angrily: WELL THAT CLEARLY WORKED DIDNT IT? tommy: sorry wilbur, sometimes i forget how to handle humans ghostbur: what- tommy: sighs and taps ghostbur on the forehead and ghostbur does the ghost equivilent of passing out tommy: wont hide any memories this time

ghostbur doesnt wake up, instead wilbur wakes up weither thats good or bad we'll see

wilbur, waking up with all his memories: HOLY SHIT TOMMY WASN'T KIDDING phil, who was reading beside the bed tommy placed wilbur into, which was in technos house. yes he broke into technos house with a passed out wilbur. move on.: hm? wilbur: holy shit phil: huh? yeah. wilbur: wait you knew? phil: yeah i recongnized him as soon as i saw him about 5 years ago now? wilbur: excuse me while i freak out because my little brother is an actual god

it really hits wilbur that tommy is a god later

wilbur: hey tommy? tommy: yeah? wilbur: how fucking old are you? tommy: snorts of course thats the first thing you ask wilbur: well? tommy: i dont really know the exact years since years are kind of a human thing that were invented recently wilbur: they were invented thousands of years ago- tommy: but it was around the beginning of this galaxy wilbur, softly: what the fuck

tommy telling wilbur stories about different heros and villains and different humans he met during his life.

Adsjbffsg what if Tommy made himself blonde and blue eyed and white bc thats hyow the first human he met looked like asjfhsd

and just didnt change that, despite meeting new humans, its just his defult settings.

he would totally do this tho im crying.

drista just based her human form off dream because she is his sister now. he must deal with this. trying disowning me when i look like you BITCH.

thats my take anyways later might continue this

[blessednereid]

Pity the Living

Daniel Sharman x Reader Series

A/N: The Much Requested, and By Requested, I mean @rogershoe wanted me to write this, MY DANIEL SHARMAN FANFICTION!!!!!! The character that Y/N plays is based on my OC for FTWD and is not an actual character in FTWD. Basic Premise of the setting for this chapter is that they're in high-school/ secondary school. But for the majority of the story(minus flashbacks) it's set in 2016/17 when s3 of FTWD was filmed.

Story Summary: When (Y/N) (L/N) reunites with a high-school friend on the set of the job she's been working on for the past 2-3 years, not only is she excited to work with the guy who inspired her to go into acting, but to hear about what he's done since she's seen him. But the more they talk, the more she realizes, this reunion is not going the way she had planned.

CW: Cursing? brief mention of alcohol, anxiety, mentions of food, fake dagger, fake blood, bets,

☆◦ 。＼｜／。◦☆

Career Day

☆◦ 。／｜＼。◦☆

Most of the students around you were chorusing to the tune of your school anthem, but not you. You had heard the melody and sung it almost a million times. Whether you were exaggerating or not, not even you knew. Instead, you were whispering and laughing with one of your best friends, Daniel Sharman.

You met Daniel when you first came to the school. You didn't know many people. You didn't even know yourself in this place. It was a completely foreign experience, but he stuck by your side and showed you around.

Since then, you had made friends, joined the swim team, learned your way around the school without ending up in the boys' restrooms instead of the girls' ones. Despite not needing Daniel to show you around anymore, he still provided plenty of comedic support and pick-me-ups and was a great mate all around.

Your teacher had just finished introducing all the parents who were presenting at career day. The assignment being after the presentations were finished, you were supposed to think about what you wanted to be in the future. You had no idea what you wanted to be. But of course… Daniel did.

"An actor."

"An actor?" he nodded. "Like Macbeth?"

"No, Macbeth is a character. An actor is a person who plays the character."

"Why an actor?"

"Dunno. Just seems right."

You frowned. "Huh, that's nice. Knowing what you want to be."

"You could always try acting. It's worth a shot."

"Hah, if I ever tried acting, it would probably be when I'm old, senile, and look like Betty White."

"Oh, come on. You're a great actress!"

"What's that supposed to mean, Sharman?" you gasped.

"Just that you tell fibs and stories as if they were the truth. That's all acting is."

"I DO NOT!"

"How did you convince your mum that your dog jumped onto the table and ate the cake without making any noise last weekend, then?" You opened your mouth to speak before closing it.

"Cat got your tongue?" he teased.

"Shut up, Sharman."

☆◦ 。＼｜／。◦☆

L/N Residence

☆◦ 。／｜＼。◦☆

You and Daniel were both swimming in the pool in your backyard when Daniel asked you the question.

"Did you think about it?"

Still floating, you asked, "About what?"

"Acting."

You laughed incredulously. "You were serious?"

"Of course I was." He swam closer to you and pulled your leg down, making you flop around and splash water.

"WHAT THE HELL!"

"Was just trying to get your attention," he remarked innocently.

You coughed. "You had it."

"Picture this," he waved you off. "Us, on the red carpet-"

"Who's red carpet?"

"Does it matter? We'll be each other's dates anyways."

"Why is that?" you asked.

"Because we're best friends."

"What if one of us has a boyfriend or girlfriend?"

He shrugged. "Ok, whatever. We're on the red carpet separately. It's both of ours red carpet-"

"So, does that mean we're in a movie together?"

"Yes, Y/N," he muttered exasperatedly.

"But that's impossible?"

"Why do you say that?"

You leaned closer to his ear. "BECAUSE I'M NOT BECOMING AN ACTOR."

He jumped away from you, proceeding to splash you with water.

"Mark my words. I know talent when I see it."

You sighed. "Could this just be you not wanting to be lonely in the acting world?"

He jutted his lip and spoke in a whiny voice. "Maybe…"

You laughed before splashing a giant wave of water at him. While he still had water in his eyes, you dove under and pulled him down.

He flailed around before his head popped up, and he calmed down.

"WHAT THE HELL!"

"PAYBACK, SHARMAN!"

☆◦ 。＼｜／。◦☆

Announcement

☆◦ 。／｜＼。◦☆

The intercom gave a heavy buzz, and static-y noises ran amok over the building before a voice actually came through the speakers.

"Hello, Teachers, Students, and Faculty. Welcome back to school. We hope that you all enjoyed your holidays and got the rest you needed to pay attention in class today," the last part was passive. Your principal gave more announcements for clubs and sports around the school, such as upcoming games or reminders for students to buy the school yearbook.

You were nodding along interested, or looking for interest really when something caught your best friend's attention.

"The school will also be hosting its first-ever play, Romeo and Juliet. Interested people should report to the music room before the end of the week to receive information."

You saw Daniel's eyes widen only moments before he spoke up. "Hey," he waved at you. "You should audition!"

"Daniel, are you insane?"

He chuckled, "No, but I think you'd like it."

You tried arguing, but he wasn't taking no for an answer. "You're the one who said you didn't know what you wanted to do after you graduated. Doing this cannot hurt."

"Yeah, it can't hurt until I trip on my costumes and break my neck!"

"That rarely ever happens," he said exasperatedly. "Ok, how about this? You audition, and if you end up getting a role and actually doing the play, I'll give you fifty pounds."

You squinted. "Do you even have fifty pounds to give me?"

"Do you even have to ask," he feigned shock in the accusation? You gave a sour face before he truthfully answered. "Fine, I don't have it now. But I will by the time the play comes around."

"What do I get just for auditioning?"

"I'll convince my mum to make that cake you like."

"Fine."

"BUT!" he exclaimed. "You have to audition for Juliet."

"You're kidding?"

He laughed. "No, I'm not. You have to audition for Juliet."

"I hate you," you mumbled before sighing a whispered 'fine.'

He gave a toothy smile. "Then we have a deal."

☆◦ 。＼｜／。◦☆

Auditions

☆◦ 。／｜＼。◦☆

You reluctantly walked onto the stage, Daniel's widening grin so visible in the audience. He said that he only put his name on the audition sheet so he could watch the auditions. He would've already been gone by the time it was his turn.

"Hello, My name is Y/n L/n, and I am auditioning for Juliet," your lips pressing into a straight line after saying the sentence.

You stammered through your first few lines. "Sh-Shall I speak ill of him— that is my husband?" You said with a laugh.

"Ah," you paused and clicked your tongue. "Poor my lord, what tongue shall smooth thy name… When I, thy three-hours wife, have mangled it?"

You said your following line in an accusatory manner. "But wherefore, villain... didst thou kill my cousin?" you said, though your voice squealed trying to pronounce 'didst.' "That villain cousin would have killed my husband."

"Back, foolish tears, back to your native spring!" Your voice rose and fell several octaves. "Your tributary drops belong to woe, Which you, mistaking, offer up to joy." Fake tears spring to your eyes, your voice cracked, and you began slowly falling against an invisible wall.

You looked down at your paper for what to say next. "My husband lives, that Tybalt would have slain; And Tybalt's dead, that would have slain my husband. All this is comfort; wherefore weep I then?" You wiped your cheeks dramatically.

"Some word there was, worser than Tybalt's death, That murd'red me. I would forget it fain;" your lips quivered, and you sucked in deep, heaving breaths before speaking your line.

"But O, it presses to my memory. Like damnèd guilty deeds to sinners' minds! 'Tybalt is dead, and Romeo--banishèd!" You shouted.

You stood back up in a startling jump, and with a proud smile, you said triumphantly, "And Scene!"

The directors and some students in the audience, especially Daniel, gave a round of applause before the director dismissed you.

You took the steps to the stage and sat next to Daniel as the director called the next student to audition.

"You were amazing! The director might as well have given you the role right then and there."

You laughed, "Hang on, charmer. There were a bunch of Juliet's who literally said that entire thing so… fluently. I stammered through the whole thing."

"But you showed more emotion than anyone else. You only had a week to prepare. The actual show will be like child's play."

"They want people who can memorize and recite. The emotion can be added later, but it's worth nothing if they forget their lines."

"There is such a thing called improvising for a reason," he reassured.

"Who in their right, bloody minds wants to improvise Shakespeare?"

He turned his head and chuckled before waving a five-pound note in front of your face. "Here, I got to go before they call me, but you earned this at least."

"Five pounds for being forced to audition for a stupid play so you can prove a point? Wow, you must really fancy me, huh, Sharman?" you said sarcastically.

"Goodbye, L/n," he whispered before sneaking out the back door of the auditorium.

"Alright, next up. Daniel Sharman!" The director shouted your friend's name a few more times before giving up.

☆◦ 。＼｜／。◦☆

Headmasters Office

☆◦ 。／｜＼。◦☆

A week after your audition, you were called to the headmasters' office. Thus is the cause of the curious looks from your classmates. Oohs and Aahs flooded your ears as you grabbed your bag and headed out the door to the front of the school.

When you got to the front of the building and went into the headmasters' office, you saw the Theatre director, Ms Parker, standing behind the desk. "Headmaster Leo allowed me to use his office to do this. Isn't that cool?"

Ms Parker was one of the younger teachers in school. She was twenty-four, and this was her first year teaching after receiving her bachelor's degree in education and a master's degree in music production. A fact she could astoundingly ramble about for fifteen minutes. As proven at the auditions.

"I didn't want to call you to the theatre room. That would be too predictable, correct?" You'd come to realize she was a very eccentric woman. "I have called you in here to inform you that you have been selected to perform in this year's play of Romeo and Juliet."

A wave of shock coursed through your body, and you were sure it reflected on your face. "Are you sure?"

"Darling, I'm positive!- your audition was totally spectacular! So brilliant-in fact- that I am completely sure in my choice to make you our female lead- Juliet!"

"What!" Your eyes widened into a blank stare. Your thoughts were running rampant in your mind. You thought that performing on the stage would be a breeze when you weren't the lead.

"Ms Parker, I didn't actually want the part of Juliet! It's just that my friend dared me to audition for Juliet! Is there no way I can get a smaller part? I'm no Juliet. The show would be ruined," you rambled.

The directors' facial expressions softened, "Darling, you are the only choice. None of the other people who auditioned can even compare to the amount of passion you produced in that audition. I am determined to have you as our Juliet."

You whimpered out an "Ok." Professors had a strange way of convincing you to do extra credit assignments or things that aren't necessary.

"We have a chemistry read for you and a few of our other choices for Romeo after school today. Do you need to contact a parent to let them know where you'll be?"

"Uh, yes, please."

After you made your call, you walked back to your classroom with shaky hands. The class period was almost over, but you had to tell Daniel that you had gotten a part in the show. Not just any part- THE PART!

You shuffled into the classroom reluctantly. All eyes were on you as every student had assumed you'd been in trouble. Either suspended, expelled, or told your parents were going to have a sit-down with the headmaster.

You took your seat next to Daniel before taking out a piece of paper and writing out a note, encompassing the words, "I got the part!"

You slid the sheet discreetly onto his desk. When he read it, his eyes widened, and he quietly moved his hands toward yours, beckoning for a high five.

☆◦ 。＼｜／。◦☆

First Rehearsal

☆◦ 。／｜＼。◦☆

After the chemistry read, the role of Romeo was given to a kid named James Mercer-Allen got the part. Though it was more because the directors were starting to become tired.

The next day was the first rehearsal. Swimming season was last semester, so there was no clash in schedules with the play.

"Alright, this rehearsal is to get acquainted with the stage, your fellow actors, and directors," she insisted. "Now, let's introduce ourselves. Can our Romeo please stand up?"

James stood up and gave a brief introduction. You were called on next. You stated your name, "I was on the swim team last semester, and I'm in my thirteenth year. I hope I can do this role justice."

More students stood up to introduce themselves. The entire process took more than thirty minutes.

The next thing to happen was that the rest of the students were called to recite lines for various roles. The only parts that had been cast preliminarily were Romeo and Juliet.

You and James had sat on the wooden stools unless there was a scene going on that needed Romeo and/or Juliet.

By the end of the first rehearsal, the majority of the speaking roles were cast. You went home exhausted but not expecting the conversation that waited for you.

☆◦ 。＼｜／。◦☆

The Talk

☆◦ 。／｜＼。◦☆

"We're moving?" you shouted at your parents from your seat across from them in the sitting room. "What do you mean we're moving."

"Honey, your dad got a job in the states, so we have to move," your mother argued.

"But what about school? No school will take me in the middle of the year, and it's my last year of secondary school. I don't want to spend the rest of my last year knowing nobody."

Your dad, the man of the hour, spoke up. "Dear, we're moving at the end of the year. After school ends."

"But- What about Uni?"

"You said you were taking a sabbatical year!"

"Yes, so I could intern in London!"

"Can't you intern in California?" Your mother whined.

"We're going to California? It's the furthest state?"

Your dad attempted to reassure you but failed. "Darling, it won't be that bad. Maybe you'll like it there more than you like it here!"

"I could never like anywhere more than I like it here!"

You agreed to go to your room and spent the rest of the day there. Later on, after you finished moping, you ringed up your closest friends to tell them you were moving. You did that until you were so tired you fell asleep on the phone with Sarah before you even called Daniel.

☆◦ 。＼｜／。◦☆

Confrontation

☆◦ 。／｜＼。◦☆

"Why am I hearing from everyone besides you that you're moving?" Daniel appeared out of thin air behind you, and the accusation was an assault on your conscience.

You could lie and tell him that you wanted to reveal that to him in person, or you could just tell him the truth- say you fell asleep. Mix-and-Match? You ended up just telling the truth. "I fell asleep when I was making some of my other calls. I was going to tell you, I swear!"

"Why didn't you call me first. I'm your best friend?"

"That's why! It was too hard. I kept putting it off and putting it off and putting it off because I didn't want to tell you, I don't want it to be true, and telling you of all people would make it feel real."

"Why can't you stay for Uni?"

"I already told my parents I was taking a gap year. I didn't apply to any colleges."

"Crap!" he sighed. "Ok, well, we're going to have to make the most of it. And! You're getting a going away party!"

"Daniel, I don't need-"

"No debate! You are getting a going away party!"

☆◦ 。＼｜／。◦☆

Opening Night

☆◦ 。／｜＼。◦☆

Four months later, after all the rehearsals and memorizations of lines. After much running around the entire film department, it was finally opening night, and your nerves were shot.

You were scrambling all morning to find everything you needed. All your costumes were at the school, but you still needed to bring your black leotard, skin-coloured tights, and wear your hair in an up-do style.

You decided to do your skincare routine, but your panic got the best of you, and you forgot what every single product was used for.

Daniel came over and helped you get ready but found you practically hyperventilating.

Your parents drove you both to the theatre, and when Ms Parker told you that Daniel couldn't be backstage, you promptly told her that he was your emotional support. After much arguing, she finally let him backstage.

Around an hour before showtime, the director told Daniel that he had to go wait in the audience if he already bought his ticket or that he had to go do it now.

Before he left, he gave you a pep-talk. "Hey, so one time, I was in this play, and the idea was that I was expelled, and there was a piece of paper I had to give my 'mother,' but I lost it. So we had to improvise, but I couldn't find the paper, and I felt horrible. So just know, even if you forget your lines, you must improvise, and remember, it still probably won't compare to the embarrassment I felt that day. So you can laugh at my humiliation. "

You chuckled, "I will. Ok, go before you get in trouble."

"Ok, me, our parents and all your friends will be in the front row. I've already reserved the entire row. I brought a whole bag of jackets just for that reason!"

"You can't do that," you said in between cackles.

"For you, I'll do anything," he grinned.

A few hours later and the show was almost done. "What's here? A cup, closed in my true love's hand? Poison, I see, hath been his timeless end," you wept.

"O, churl! Drunk all and left no friendly drop to help me after? I will kiss thy lips; Haply some poison yet doth hang on them, to die with thine restorative." You leaned over James and let your hair fall to the side of your head to cover your face. You pulled back without actually kissing James.

"Thy lips are warm."

A whispery voice came from offstage, "Which way?" The cue for you to take the poison, which was actually cranberry juice.

"Yea, noise? Then I'll be brief. O happy dagger!" You grabbed the dagger and brought it near your chest. "This is thy sheath;" you drew the fake knife back three inches from your chest and stabbed it to where the bag of more cranberry juice was and punctured the bag. 'Blood' soaked through your dress. "There rust, and let me die." You fell dramatically onto the altar and waited for the scene to end as the crowd cheered.

After the show, you dashed into the crowd where your friends and family waited for you. Ovations and Applauses were passed, lauded boxes of chocolates and gorgeous roses were given.

When you got to Daniel, he practically tackled you with a hug. "I actually thought you died for a split second. The blood looked so real."

"Daniel, most people don't bleed that fast, do they?"

"I don't know but fear kicked in, and I couldn't make sense of anything."

You grinned and almost went to your parents before Daniel grabbed your arm. "You don't have a date to the Leavers ball, do you?"

"No, I don't. Why?"

He sighed. "Well, I was thinking that you could go with me. I don't have a date either."

You squinted, thinking there was some ulterior motive behind his actions. "Ok, I'll go with you if you give me the money you owe me before then."

"It's right here," he smiled.

Your face scrunched up, but you reluctantly agreed. You only had a month of school left, and you might as well spend it having fun with your friends.

☆◦ 。＼｜／。◦☆

The Leavers Ball and the Getaway Party

☆◦ 。／｜＼。◦☆

You were dressed in a light blue, pleated, Mikado prom dress that cut off at mid-thigh. You had black wedges on your feet and a black pearl-beaded bracelet on your arm.

You were wearing a half-up, half-down style that framed your face and a silver necklace with a circle-shaped diamond.

You were sitting in the parlour when Daniel rang the doorbell. He was ten minutes late.

"Sorry," he said when your dad answered it. "I know I'm late. I was picking up Kat and James."

Kat and James were your and Daniel's respective friends who'd started last year after you and Daniel introduced them.

"Hi," you popped out of the shadows. "Alright, Mom, Dad, we're late, so we're just going to get goi-"

"Wait! I have to take pictures! Go get Kat and James."

"No, Mom. No pictures!"

"It's only right. I just want a few. We can take it outside."

You sighed but reluctantly caved into your mother's will.

The four of you took pictures outside of Daniel's Jeep Wrangler. You took ones with silly faces, just girls, just boys, and ones with all four of you before your parents allowed you to leave.

You were forty minutes late, and the ball was already in full swing by the time you got there.

You got on the dance floor immediately because one of your favourite songs was playing, but the DJ switched the song as soon as you found a decent spot. It was a slow song. You chuckled, and Daniel put his hands on your waist.

"Well, this is awkward."

A few minutes later, Daniel posed an interesting question.

"Did you know that I had a crush on you when you first came to school?"

"Uh, you stammered. "No, I didn't know that."

"Yeah, I did. It was short, though. Surface-level."

"Oh," you said. "Should I take offence to that?"

"What?" His eyes widened in realization with what he said. "No, that's not what I meant. You have an amazing personality. I just meant that… I just meant I like you more as a friend than to ruin that with any of those feelings."

"Oh, ok. You wouldn't have, though."

"I wouldn't?"

"No, everyone needs an ego boost every once in a while."

"Haha!"

"And besides, I've had feelings for you at one point too. But it was very cliche, so I tried to shake it as hard as I could."

"Oh?" He raised his eyebrows. "And did you?"

"Like I said, as hard as I could. If it's still there somewhere, it's buried very deep, so much so that I was embarrassed."

"Embarrassed to like me?"

"I mean embarrassed to try and make my life seem like some movie."

"Oh, well, if you did, it would've just made you that much better as an actress. Speaking of that, would you consider acting in the least?"

"Maybe, now that I'm leaving, it's basically the last thing I have to connect me to you."

"No," he said, pointing to your bracelet. "You have that."

You had forgotten that it was Daniel who gave it to you, but the realization brought a smile to your face. "Oh yeah, I'll never take it off."

Later on, long before the ball ended, you saw many of your friends leaving.

"Hey, are you ready to go?" Daniel approached you.

"Where is everyone going?"

He wriggled his eyebrows. "Afterparty!"

"But it's not over?"

"Quit being a party popper and just come with us, L/N!"

You gave in, something you did a lot, and you all started driving. When you got there, you realized you were at Daniel's house.

"The afterparty is at your house?" you asked.

"Well…" James answered.

Kat joined in. "It's really an afterparty!"

"This is your going away party!" Daniel finished.

"But I'm not going away for another month."

"Well, now you have an entire month for people to give you gifts and stuff, and you don't have to worry about the party!" He reasoned.

"But why did it have to be after the Leavers ball?"

"Because you're already in a dress, and it has to be a surprise! Surprise!" Kat exclaimed.

"Alright, fine!"

The entire night you partied and danced, and though you didn't drink alcohol, plentiful amounts of pop and mocktails were passed around. The music was a delight to your ears with all your favourite songs. There were chips and pizza with all your favourite toppings.

"This party is awesome!"

Daniel grinned. "Well, I am an amazing party planner if I do say so myself."

☆◦ 。＼｜／。◦☆

Airport

☆◦ 。／｜＼。◦☆

Daniel's parents drove your family to the airport. Your parents had sold the car. Your dad would return in a week to close a deal on the house. Everything was official, and now you were leaving.

You got out of the car, and the tears forcefully began to fall.

"I'm really gonna miss you, jerk," you said disdainfully to Daniel.

He chuckled. "I'm going to miss you more."

"Impossible!"

He wiped the fallen tear from your eye, and for a moment, you could see every single multi-coloured speck in his eyes and noticed how sometimes they looked blue, and at others, they looked grey or green.

You noticed the curvature of his smile and the chisel of his jawline.You saw the hurt in his eyes that said, 'why do you have to go? You're killing me,' and wanted to never move from that position.

He continued to rub the tears that fell onto your cheek, and the sad moment was as sheltered as it could be. You felt safe with him, in his arms, just looking at his face and being reminded of how he comforted you in a place that felt as familiar as Oz felt to Dorothy.

"What am I gonna do without you?" you whispered.

"Get at least one acting job, get an assistant and an agent, I'll do the same thing, and then either one of us has our assistants reach out to our agents, so we get back in touch in case we ever lose touch."

He sounded so grave that you couldn't help but laugh. "That's assuming I do become an actress, Daniel."

"You're right," he whined. "But don't forget me."

"I promise."

And you tried to keep that promise. Throughout your first year, you interned at UCLA, working in the lab. You then applied to go to school there, and you still tried to keep Daniel in your mind. Maintaining a social life on campus combined with schoolwork already wasn't easy. However, you still wouldn't let yourself forget your best friend.

It wasn't until you entered your senior year and you were about to graduate that he started to wane in your memories. The things you did together became obsolete as new friends and memories replaced the old. The things he taught you were thrown out to make space for the new lessons you learned each day.

Even when you did become an actress, you never really remembered why you decided to. You remembered that your friend pushed you to do that play, but it was almost ten years ago, and for the life of you, you couldn't remember his name.

But you did do it, first as an extra, then a body double, and then you started getting l roles on smaller shows. But your big break was getting a quasi-lead role on the spin-off of a big television show, The Walking Dead. For two years, you enjoyed going to conventions and playing the complex character, Valeria Bishop, and you thought you had it all figured out.

But life has a funny way of coming full circle and throwing you a curveball that knows you off course and changes your life.

[minimitchell]

callumhighwayweek day 7 - free choice (ao3 link)

this is dedicated to @calsangel for being just an overall angel and always brainstorming my daft plot ideas with me.💕

.

Callum knows, as soon as he regains consciousness, that this is going to be a horrible day.

There’s a pounding in his head like someone is manning a jack-hammer inside of his cranium and even just the daylight shining behind his closed eyelids feels aggravating to his over-sensitive head. His stomach is rolling and turning on itself as well; that sinking feeling of a grand old hangover settling deep in it’s pit.

He knew he shouldn’t have drunk so much yesterday.

Yeah, it may be in the nature of a stag do to get more than reasonably drunk but he’s always been a lightweight and judging by how he’s feeling today, it was definitely too much alcohol. The cocktails were a bad idea to start with - the bartender was definitely too generous with the ratio of alcohol to mixer - and the different types of shots were probably the deathblow to his sobriety.

And his memory apparently. Because all he remembers is them having a shitload of drinks at a bar somewhere on the Strip and then-

Nothing.

They’re in Las Vegas for Jay’s stag do. It’s definitely extravagant, flying halfway across the world for a weekend to see him off before his wedding but it was a lifelong dream of Jay’s and as his best man, Ben was determined to make it come true. So their whole friend group saved every penny they could and made their way to the US for a long weekend.

It was definitely worth it just for Jay’s face when they turned up at his and Lola’s flat Friday morning to pick him up for the airport and the groom kept telling them how grateful he was for them and for this in-between shots yesterday.

It’s also nice to see Ben so satisfied and relaxed after basically driving himself crazy with planning and organizing everything the last couple of weeks, if not months. They spent many evenings pouring over their respective laptops, comparing hotel prices and making reservations for bars from an entire ocean away.

They’ve been friends ever since Callum moved to Walford a couple of years ago. At first, it was just because Callum worked with Jay, back when he had first come here before he started working as a youth counsellor, and Ben and Jay were practically attached at the hip. Since then though, he has also developed quite the relationship with Ben, Jay’s brother in everything but blood.

They found out they have a lot in common, not least the fact they’re both gay, and he’s been welcomed into their friend group and family with open arms. Now it’s him and Ben that are always together, one barely being seen without the other, spending most of their free time with each other.

Another thing that has developed since him and Ben became pretty much best friends are his feelings - for Ben of all people. Callum’s always been intrigued by him, right from the get go; by his easy, almost cocky, smirk and his self-assured attitude. Once you get to know Ben and he lets you see beyond the tough exterior, he’s also sweet and supportive, always happy to let Callum talk about a difficult case at work and cheer him up afterwards.

It also doesn’t hurt that he’s very handsome.

He doesn’t want to ruin their friendship though, or lose the family he’s gained through Ben and Jay, so he has settled for being the best mate. For feigning to be supportive when Ben goes off with different guys all the time and trying not to blurt out how he feels about him at every given opportunity.

Another wave of nausea hits Callum out of nowhere and he groans and presses his face deeper into the pillow underneath him. There’s no way he’s going to make it out of the hotel room, out of this bed, anytime soon, maybe not at all today. Even the mere thought of meeting the other guys for dinner later today is enough to make his stomach turn.

It’s a testament to how absolutely shattered he is right now that he only notices the arm draped over his back when he goes to turn around. It makes him pause, fingers tightening against the sheets underneath his pillow. Him and Ben are sharing a room this weekend but they have separate beds, so there would be no reason for them to be sleeping in the same one.

And he can’t see himself pulling anyone last night, not only because it’s a shitty thing to do when you’re on a stag do and sharing a room with someone but also because he’s always too damn busy mooning over Ben to pay any other man any of his attention.

It doesn’t bring him any closer to figuring out who’s lying next to him in bed.

He cracks his eyes open carefully, only a sliver, letting them adjust to the bright morning light flooding the room, trying to avoid the pounding in his head getting even worse. He’s relieved to notice he’s in his own hotel room and wasn’t stupid enough to go back with some stranger when he was out of his mind drunk.

The curtains are open, the view outside the window still just as stunning as it was when they first checked in. They’re in a hotel almost directly on the Strip, located on a little side street with nearly a direct view of the Bellagio hotel and fountain. It’s a sight he never thought he’d see in person and normally he’d be thankful and appreciative but right now his headache isn’t letting him.

His gaze wanders over the clothes scattered on the floor beside the bed and up over his bedside table. It looks a lot messier than how he left it yesterday afternoon before they went bar and casino hopping; his phone curiously enough surrounded by two glass flutes and a bottle of champagne of all things.

What catches his eyes though is a rectangular piece of paper propped up against the foot of the lamp there; squiggly, bold letters at the top and a seal next to two signatures at the bottom. It’s embarrassing how long the two words at the top take to register in Callum’s brain - he isn’t sure whether that’s down to the hangover or to the sheer surrealism of them.

But they’re there; black ink on white parchment, signed with his own name.

Marriage certificate.

Oh no. This is not happening to him. He isn’t going to be this cliché. This sort of thing only happens in crappy movies. It must be a joke. Maybe he misread.

None of the excuses and explanations seem to work because when he closes and opens his eyes again the paper is still there, motionless and offending. He pulls his left hand out from under his pillow and yeah, there it is - a golden band sitting on his ring finger. At least it’s simple and not tacky; small victories he reckons.

God, one night in Vegas and he got married to someone. Some stranger probably, dressed in an Elvis suit with his luck.

How is he going to explain this to the rest of the guys; he’s going to be the laughing stock forever. Even worse, how is he going to explain this to Ben? What is he going to think of Callum now? They’ve talked so often about Callum wanting the whole thing - a nice house, white-picket fence, a husband and a dog. This wasn’t the plan; this isn’t him.

Most of all, he’s perplexed that he actually convinced someone to marry him what with all the whining he usually does when he’s drunk over his unreciprocated feelings for Ben. And if it was the other way around, he’s amazed someone other than Ben managed to convince him to get married on the fly.

This whole thing is such a mess already, he doesn’t even want to see who he’s married to anymore.

It’s inevitable though. And maybe the sooner he gets this over with, the sooner he can forget about the whole thing again.

So he turns around as careful as he can - his head is thanking him for the slow and measured movements - the stranger’s arm falling from his back and landing on the minimal space between their bodies, trying not to wake the man sleeping next to him.

When he takes in the face on the pillow next to him, his eyes widen dramatically, even against the protest from his head at the bright light suddenly hitting him full force, and he feels his heart lurch in his chest. Or maybe that’s his stomach.

Because it’s none other than Ben lying shirtless next to him and one quick look at the hand that’s lying on the duvet rather than his back now confirms his worst fears - he’s sporting a matching golden ring on his finger.

Fuck.

He only went and married his best mate in a drunken stupor.

Even worse, he married the guy he’s been secretly in love with for ages now, who probably only said yes because he thought it would be a laugh.

He isn’t sure whether it’s that thought or the hangover rearing its ugly head, but whichever it is, it makes him rush off to the bathroom, not sparing any thought to how loud or sudden his departure from the bed is.

When he returns to the room after brushing his teeth and freshening up a bit, Ben is awake, probably woken up by the shaking of the mattress when he bolted from the bed. He’s propped up against the pillows, white sheets tangled around his body, playing with the ring on his finger. He looks deep in thought, but not disgusted as Callum had feared he would after realizing he got married to Callum of all people.

Their eyes meet almost immediately and Callum is all of a sudden way too aware he’s wearing next to nothing, Ben’s gaze raking over his naked chest. The feeling of being this exposed right now in front of Ben makes him itch, so he goes over to his suitcase to at least put on a shirt.

The silence between them is deafening and uncomfortable; it’s like they’re both waiting for the other to bring up the elephant in the room. Callum doesn’t really know how though.

Where does he even start?

“Alright?”

Ben’s voice is small and hesitant, a little scratchy from all the alcohol he drank yesterday. Callum’s last memory of Ben is him tipping back another Tequila before getting handsy with Jay on the dance floor. He remembers Ben drinking almost as much as him, but he’s simultaneously dreading Ben still remembering more than he does about last night; about their wedding.

“Yeah. Head’s a bit sore, you know.”

It’s painful, this weird small talk they’re doing to avoid talking about what they somehow decided to do last night, but Callum isn’t brave enough to bring it up. He knows without a doubt that he’ll spill all his closely-kept feelings if he even starts thinking about the possibility, the wish, to maybe stay married brewing in his chest.

But he knows it’s a moot point. He might be up for being married to Ben but there’s no way Ben won’t want to get an annulment, right. He never gave any indication that he might have feelings for Callum as well so why should he be married to him.

“So, uh, looks like we got married, eh.”

Callum doesn’t understand why he sounds so calm about this; so nonchalant about the fact they did something so stupid. Maybe the best way to deal with this is to quietly get an annulment, forget about the whole thing and never tell a soul about it.

It might be the only way to salvage their friendship.

“I’m so sorry. It must have been my idea and I dragged you into it. We can just get an annulment and forget the whole thing, yeah?”

Ben scooches closer to him, crawling over to the edge of the bed when Callum sinks back against the desk in front of it. He’s kneeling now and with the sheets pooling under him Callum can see he’s only in his boxers as well. He’ll kick himself forever about not remembering how his skin felt against his own when they were pressed against each other sleeping.

“Hey. Whoever suggested we do this, whether that was you or me, the other person clearly said yes so really we’re in this together now, okay?”

Callum doesn’t know why in the world Ben should’ve been the one to say they should get married but he appreciates him trying to share the blame with Callum anyway. He can’t help but notice Ben is still not looking too worried or angry about the situation. It throws him off because shouldn’t he be at least slightly inconvenienced by this? He never gave the impression that he wanted to get married, least of all to someone he doesn’t have feelings for.

Who would, to be fair.

He has feelings for Ben and even he is freaking out about it all.

Ben is looking down at the sheet underneath him, fingers coming up to play with the ring on his left hand again. Callum is transfixed by the action; the way the sunlight hits the golden metal and reflects off of it, how it looks so natural against Ben’s skin when he twists it back and forth.

It looks good on him; so good. The revelation sends pinpricks of longing to his heart.

“Do you mean it? About getting an annulment.”

Ben doesn’t meet his eyes, otherwise he would see the surprise evident on his face. Because judging from his tone of voice Ben’s not a hundred per cent sold on getting an annulment himself. Although he can’t fathom why.

“What, you don’t?”

When Ben finally looks back up at him his bottom lip is bitten into his mouth, the skin red and worried. His eyes are hesitant but hopeful and maybe, just maybe, Callum has missed a few things in the past few years. Maybe this is not as unrequited as he had always assumed.

“Would it be bad if I didn’t?”

There’s heat spreading through him now; butterflies filling his stomach and making him feel featherlight. He’s trying not to get ahead of himself but it’s hard when the guy you’ve always been in love with implies he’s interested in staying married to you; that he may have feelings for you as well. It’s everything he dreamt about before.

It almost feels too good to be true.

“I, I don’t know.”

He doesn’t want to let himself hope only to be crushed when it turns out that Ben is purely thinking practically, without any feelings being involved from his side. His heart starts beating faster just imagining the opposite though, running away from him and thinking about their possible future together.

The quiet evenings on the couch together, sipping their coffees next to each other in the mornings, slow dancing together at Jay and Lola’s wedding. He wants it all with Ben. He wants a future with him. As his husband if that’s what he wants as well.

“Have you never thought about it? How good we could be together if given a chance? Maybe this is our chance. I- I like you, Cal. So much, always have.”

Callum can’t keep the smile off his face, pushing away from the desk he’s leaning against and crouching down before Ben on the bed. He lets his eyes travel over Ben’s face, taking in the shiny blue eyes he always got lost in and the freckles dotted around his nose. He’s so beautiful, proper heart-stopping gorgeous, and he’s Callum’s husband for some miraculous, mad reason.

“I’m so completely in love with you, Ben. If you’re sure about this then yeah, let’s stay married I guess.”

One of his hands finds the skin of Ben’s cheek, thumb brushing against his ear. Ben leans into it, eyes full of something Callum likes to think is love shining back at him. Looking at him now he can’t believe he’s never realized it before. Ben must have looked at him like this a thousand times before and it has never clicked for him. Until now that is. Now, it’s all he can see. All he can think about.

When he isn’t thinking about covering his lips with his own anyway.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

They must lean in at the same time, meeting in the middle between their bodies to seal their lips together in a sweet kiss. Any pounding still remaining in his head is long gone, replaced by a nothingness created by their mouths meeting again and again. Kissing Ben is simultaneously exactly how he imagined, hoped, it would be and so much more; it’s so much better than he thought it could be.

Ben runs his tongue over Callum’s bottom lip, begging to be let in in a way that makes Callum powerless to even think about refusing him and earning the sweetest sounding, breathless laugh in return from Ben when he opens up for him.

They kiss until they’re both panting for air; until their hands are wandering over each other’s skin in a desperate attempt to feel more of one another and the smiles get in the way of the kisses. Callum feels weightless when Ben is smiling at him like this, ready to take on the entire world.

One of Ben’s fingers traces over Callum’s bottom lip and down his neck, along the dip of his collarbone, before hooking in the collar of his shirt.

“How do you feel about consummating our marriage, husband?”

Hearing the last word fall from Ben’s lips sends a shockwave of electricity through his body; one he can feel right down to his toes and the tips of his fingers, setting him alight from top to bottom.

What they’re doing is completely mad, that they’re choosing to stay married right now is absolutely crazy, but if they can talk about it and make it work, then this could easily be the best thing that ever happened to them; he’s sure of it.

“Go ahead.”

The smile on Ben’s face is blinding when he wraps his arms around Callum’s neck and pulls him backwards onto the bed with him, mouths finding each other again on their way onto the soft sheets.

They’ll need to tell the others later, face Jay’s bewilderment for somehow getting married on his stag do, call their families maybe. For now though, Callum wants to focus on the here and now, on his husband under him, on them.

Anything else can wait.

He’s going to let himself enjoy being a newlywed for a while.

[startanewdream]

Mini champagne bottle

Just a short Muggle AU Jily drabble based on the chronicle “O lixo” (”Trashbag”) by Luis Fernando Veríssimo. Training only dialogue and sparkles from first meeting.

Summary: Lily and James are neighbours who have a knowledge of each other based on their shared windows... and shared trash can.

Read on AO3 or below:

----------------------------------------

(They meet in the street, in front of their respective houses, each one carrying its own trash bag for their shared trash can. They’ve never met before)

‘Night’.

‘Good night’.

‘So you are the mysterious man who lives next door! I never saw you before’.

‘I travel a lot for work, so -’

‘You’ve been back since last week, right?’

‘How do you know?’

‘There’s been a party every day in the last seven days’.

‘Sorry, my friends are a bit loud’.

‘No, it is fine. Here is always so quiet sometimes that a bit of diversion was welcomed. You have good taste in music and there weren’t many people anyway’.

‘It’s just they hadn’t seen me in months and they apparently decided to show me how much they missed me’.

‘It’s good, having real friends’.

‘You...’

‘Oh, I just moved here, my old friends are back in London, so I only see them on weekends’.

‘Well, if during weekdays you want some company, just knock on my door. I’m always home... and except for the noise, I swear my friends are very nice people’.

‘I can see that. Or hear anyway. You are funny. Sorry if I seem too nosy... it’s just the window of my bedroom faces your living room, so -’

‘Don’t tell me you’ve been hearing -’

‘Yeah, that friend of yours needs to improve his puns. I’ve heard all the dog jokes there are in the world’.

‘Sirius is the worst, I know’.

‘Serious?’

‘No, Sirius, that’s his name. Like the star, or so he tells me. I’m James, by the way’.

‘Lily’.

‘Oh, a bit ironic’.

‘What?’

‘Nothing, it’s just... don’t be mad or think I’m a stalker, it’s just I’ve seen your trash bag - I think it’s yours, you’re the only one that shares the trash can with me - and I noticed a bouquet of lilies and I thought who would throw them away, they looked so fresh’.

‘Oh. Yes, my ex sent me'.

‘Boyfriend?’

‘No, worse, ex-friend. He is trying to get to my good graces again as if sending me lilies is so creative, so original’.

‘Ex-friend? I never had one ex-friend’

‘Lucky you. It’s worse than breaking up with a boyfriend, trust me’.

‘But... are you ok? If he is bothering you...’

‘No, thanks, I can handle Snape. He’ll get the message eventually’.

‘Still, if you ever need help, just -’

‘Knock on your door, noted’.

‘That’s right’.

‘Since you mentioned the trash, I couldn’t help but notice... You are an athlete?’

‘Yes, how do you -’

‘Well, you mentioned that you travel a lot, and you don’t look like a businessman... no offense’.

‘I am flattered, actually’.

‘And I saw an envelope on the bin from the Olympic Committee, so... That was my guess’.

‘Can you keep a secret?’

‘Of course. Crossing my heart, see?’

‘I’ve been invited to represent England in the next Olympic Games’.

‘Wow, congratulations! What’s your sport?’

‘Sailing’.

‘Man of the sea?’

‘More like man of the wind, actually’.

‘That’s really nice. And all this time I didn’t know I was talking to an Olympic Athlete. Aren’t you some kind of celebrity?’

‘That would be the ones in football, I think. And anyway, look who is talking’.

‘What do you mean?’

‘I saw the newspapers you threw away a couple of days ago. There was your photo on them’.

‘It was nothing, really -’

‘The news mentioned the Royal Society. They don’t give awards without a reason’.

‘It’s just my research that is going really well, but, you know, just doing my job’.

‘You must be very good at it. But what I don’t know is... why did you throw them away? You looked beautiful in the photo, not that you aren’t in real life, it’s just -’.

‘I think you’re kidding, but thanks. It was just old records. And... my ex-best friend is in them and I don’t want any recollection, so...’

‘That bad break up, huh? Are you sure you two never-’

‘No, no, there was never anything romantic between me and Sev, what an idea’.

‘So you are single’.

‘What gives you the idea?’

‘I’m not judging, but you buy mini champagne bottles’.

‘Maybe I and my super boyfriend just drink a little... Ok, who am I kidding? You got me. I’m all alone here’.

‘Why do you live here? Not that I’m complaining, but -’

‘The official answer is that here is closer to my job, but, really, it was this or living with my sister’.

‘The one who is getting married?’

‘How did you... oh, you saw the wedding invitation’.

‘Yeah, it was shining golden, so I couldn’t not look’.

‘It was ghastly'.

‘No wonder you threw it away’.

‘That, and the fact I and my sister don’t get along, I don’t even know why she invited me... Well, so that’s it, that’s why I live here. It is a nice neighbourhood’.

‘Nice indeed. Pretty. Very charming’.

‘Did you meet anyone else besides me?’

‘No’.

‘And you are basing your opinion on one neighbour you’ve just met?’

‘Well, I wasn’t talking specifically about the neighbourhood’.

‘Oh’.

‘Besides, I feel like we know each other a little already. We’ve seen each other’s trash’.

‘Indeed. So I know you are an athlete, you really like to party with your friends, you prefer white wine and you eat a lot of chocolate’.

‘That’s my friend Remus. He keeps me stocked with chocolate. Won’t complain’.

‘Best kind of friend’.

‘You like chocolate too. You threw a lot of packages of cocoa powder on Monday’.

‘Yeah, I like to bake when I’m bored. My pies are excellent, I’ll let you know’.

‘Judging by the apple cores in your trash, you were baking before you left?’

‘Yeah, my apple tarts are in the oven. In fact, I think I probably should go back’.

‘Oh. Yes, of course. I supposed I should too, my friends...’

‘Yeah, they’ll be waiting for you’.

‘As I said, they are needy’.

‘Now try saying it like you don’t like it’.

‘Can’t. I love them, they are really like my family’.

‘That’s nice... And I noticed it’s three guys, right?’

‘Yeah, Sirius, Remus, and Peter’.

‘So... no girlfriend? I mean, girl friend, not that...’

‘No, no. I am... all alone here too, at least when they are not around’.

‘I see... Well, that’s good to know. Not that you being alone is good, it’s just... I should get back’.

‘Won’t wanna burn those apple tarts. They were smelling really nice when I left’.

‘How -’

‘Your kitchen faces my bedroom. It’s tantalizing, I’ve got to say. I love apple tarts’.

‘Well, they are almost ready... and they are really something when they are hot, especially with champagne. So if you have more minutes to spare...’

‘Lily? This seems like a wonderful idea’.

‘Your friends...’

‘They can wait a few minutes. Or hours. Plus, they already have the key to my house anyway. There’s only one thing I need to get to my house before’.

‘What?’

‘A standard champagne bottle, if you don’t mind’.

‘James? It’s a wonderful idea’.

[elsanna-shenanigans]

April Contest Submission #10: Green Like Flowers

Words: ca. 4,000 Setting: Modern AU Lemon: No CW: mild angst

The train whistled as it left the station. A piercing scream, cutting through the dewy darkness of early morning. Birds, startled awake from their nightly slumber, took to the sky. Fleeing like their wings were on fire, up and away from branches that were all but safe a few moments before. Their small black bodies quickly lost to a sky that had not yet been kissed by an unforgiving sun.

The engine chugged, rhythmically turning large, cold steel wheels. Pulling both itself and its posy of railcars along with it. Quickly picking up speed, outside one of the windows; a dog ran alongside the tracks. His tongue hanging outside his large muzzle, flopping with each bounding leap. He ran on a well-worn path, a frequent activity. The further the train went, the more he fell behind until Elsa could no longer see him. So too did the path fade. Giving way to leaf-covered ground and sparse trees. The click-clack of the train melted into nothing, like the ocean waves when one lives by the sea.

Elsa Settled into her seat but dared not to rest. Her mind racing fasting then the landscape outside the window. The train was still mostly empty, many seats were vacant. She glanced around, taking everything in without fear of looking creepy. The floor was carpet tiles, frayed on every edge but free of at least large debris. The seats, two on each side of the aisle, were a worn blue fabric. Each headrest was adorned with stark white doctor’s table paper. Fluorescent lightbulbs of varying shades of white and yellow had been illuminating the narrow walkways, now dimmed. Allowing the high-backed seats to cast long shadows.

A few rows back an older man sat slouched in his seat, his fedora, which had seen better days, was pulled down to cover his eyes. The ghost of a beard was painted across a jaw held tight by clenched teeth. Next to him, an older woman sat, knitting with the speed of a youth long past. She was counting to herself or perhaps singing. Her thin lips moving in unison with dancing needles. So the yarn was tugged and so too the corners of her mouth.

In another row a small child was fast asleep, curled into his’s mother’s side. The woman’s head tilted back, mouth agape. She wore what looked to be a brand new hoodie, a large sports logo plastered across the chest. It wasn’t a team Elsa recognized, the child shifted slightly, and they too wore a matching hoodie.

Elsa turned back so she was facing forward once more.  She glanced out the smudged windows to see the faintest hint of light, peeking over the horizon. And she took a moment to marvel at the fact she had to travel North, then West, then South, then West again just to reach the opposite coast. All the years of human advancements and there still wasn’t a train that simply went East to West. Instead, it zig-zagged across rivers, over the plains, and through mountains.

A movement to her left caused her to turn. A man about her age sat restlessly in his seat. Large headphones completely engulfed his ears. One hand clutching a phone, the other gesturing wildly through the air - pointer finger and thumb fully extended with the remaining fingers ever so slightly curved inward. His voice was barely above a whisper, Elsa had to strain to hear the words which were choppy, loose, but forever moving forward like a rushing stream over stones.

Just then the door between cars slid open, spilling the outside in. Chains rattled, wind blew, the click-clack of the track demanded attention. And standing there, a young ember, sparking as intense eyes surveyed the nearly empty train car before settling on Elsa and finally flicking to the seat next to her. The door closed as if in agreement and the woman floated over. Two copper veins of braids framed a speckled face. She smiled and sat down without asking.

“I’m Anna,” she said, it wasn’t a comment or an introduction, it was a commanding statement. She was Anna and whoever she was, Elsa had no choice but to deal with the sudden intrusion.

“Elsa.” She replied, trying to match the other’s tone.

This earned a nod from Anna, her head tipping back, chin raised for a brief moment before landing in neutral again. Silence settled like a heavy fog. Elsa was never good at small talk. Through the defining silence, she heard the ticking of knitting needles and soft rap lyrics start again. Nothing from the mother or child, this new woman’s entrance had not been enough to wake them from slumber.

“Where are you headed?” Anna asked, keeping her voice low.

“San Francisco,” Elsa replied, trying to ignore how much the woman’s eyes stabbed right through her.

“Oh what?!?” she paused to take a breath and bring her volume back down. “I’m going there too, maybe we can be train buddies!”

And suddenly the flames that protected the young woman from the outside world parted and Elsa saw, not a commanding bitch of a woman, but an innocence - a kindness that she hadn’t seen in a person in a long time.

“Buddies,” Elsa repeated slowly as if tasting the word for the first time.

This earned another smile from Anna, who had either not noticed Elsa’s lack of enthusiasm or chose to ignore it.

“Well it’s what like, 15 days to get from here,” she pointed beyond Elsa to the series of trees whipping past the window. “Aaaall the way over to there. So I think, it would be nice to have someone to talk to, have meals with, maybe exchange playlists…”

“I mean I don’t know,” she pulled her arms in like pulling a trenchcoat closed. She dared not to let the demons out nor let any new evil in. She hated meeting new people, hated that period of time when stupid questions are asked. Hated, even more, when the friendship was temporary, formed for convenience rather than growth. Why spend all that time putting cereal in a bowl piece by price only to find out theres no milk.

Elsa was not yet old in the traditional sense, but she had lived many lifetimes. Broken enough hearts and had enough hearts be broken, both from love and friendship, to waste even more hourglass sand on the freckled book in the seat next to hers.

“No offense but I don’t really know you.”

Anna laughed, a full-bellied laugh that had her eye squeezed shut and her head tipped back against the paper covering the headrest. Elsa felt her face start to numb and fought the urge to bounce her leg. Her teeth sank into her bottom lip and she turned her head to study the trees.

“We can be train buddies while we get to know each other. Like, we might as well anyway, seeing as we’re going to be seeing a lot of each other anyways.”

Elsa didn’t turn her head, “It is a long train.”  

“Yes and no, the length? Sure. But there’s the cargo cars, the sleeper cars, the dining cars, the private cars, and THEN there’s the passenger cars like this one. Sooo I think I’m gucci when I say; we’ll be seeing a lot of each other.”

“Gucci?” Elsa turned, pulled by the odd choice of word. She was met with yet another smile from her unwanted companion and she regretted turning at all.

“Yeah you know, ‘it’s gucci’ or ‘it’s all good’ same thing.” Anna shrugged but otherwise didn’t move, oblivious to Elsa’s inner turmoil and discomfort, instead, she used this as an opening. Like a racer who finally found a way to pass the leader.

“So, let’s just get all the weird basic stuff out of the way. I’m Anna like I said. I’m from Tennessee, born there, lived there, and went to school there. My favorite color is green. I don’t have any pets or siblings. My parents are divorced but they kinda get along. And I fly drones and do photos for realtors. In my spare time, I like watching movies and pretending to read.”

Behind them, the child resting against his mother stirred, his muffed words, likely exaggerated, were somehow loud enough to be heard over everything else. When his mother didn’t respond, he yawned louder till she awoke will a start. Immediately the child leapt up and took off running towards the door Anna came through. Elsa feared he would open it but he waited, bouncing on his heels till his mother, groggy with sleep and not yet aware of the world, shuffled over. Together they disappeared through the door.

“Aaaand you?” Anna asked. Elsa sighed, the reprieve caused by the commotion had ended and she found herself backed into a corner. She had to at least give some answer or she feared the girl would never leave.

“I’m Elsa, I am from the East Coast. I have a master’s degree. I enjoy the color blue.”

  A few beats passed, the train clicking along the tracks. The sun was higher now, its warm beams reaching out at greedy fingers, casting golden whispers within the other girl’s braids.

“Wait, that’s it?”

“Yes.”

“I told you so much more. Are you one of the people who can’t open up and I have to ask a bunch of questions to get them to talk?”

Elsa flinched, she was one of those people. But she didn’t like being called out so directly like that.

Anna smirked, catching the flinch. “I’ll make it less of an interrogation and more of an exchange, so it’s not so scary, alright?”

Elsa nodded, it was actually a good solution to this trap she was in, as much as it pained her to admit that.

“I’m moving to San Francisco or the outskirts at least. What about you?”

“More or less, the same.”

“I have a job lined up with a big real estate firm downtown, I start at the end of the month. And you?”

“At the end of the month, I will be starting my job as well.”

Anna sighed and shifted in her seat, readying a new approach like a hunter with a spear. “So why the train?”

Elsa felt her face redden and she mumbled a quick “I just felt like it.”

And in the spear went, embedded deep within. Its jagged backwards teeth holding it in place. It wasn’t a good answer. It was a very bad answer, one that said too much without saying much at all.

“Oh come on, that’s not an answer!” Anna waited a beat for Elsa to answer before pressing further. “So I’ll ask again, why the train? And this time, no mumbling,  I need you to say it… out loud.”

Elsa exhaled through her nose. And opened her mouth to speak before closing it again. She was at the crossroads of telling a stranger a lie or speaking the truth into existence for the first time. Giving a name to the shadow of guilt that hung over her, maybe it would let go and take with it this spear. Maybe still the light that so gently clung, in a smooth loving caress to Anna’s skin would, if only for a moment, grant her one kiss of its warmth. And so she chose the path, and took a deep breath, and pushed forward.

“I left my husband at the altar. I packed as much as I could into a few pieces of luggage, and hopped on the first train headed west.”

For once, since their meeting, Anna was quiet and Elsa suddenly felt the need to fill the silence.

“I left him my car and anything I didn’t pack, like the dog and my piano. I quit my pointless job as an actuarial analyst via email right before I boarded the train.”

Anna exhaled loudly and blinked purposely a few times before speaking, “You.. wow. Just left everything behind huh?”

“I wanted to get out of town quickly. I couldn’t breathe.” Elsa tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

“So you chose probably the slowest mode of transportation to go across the entire country, just because you ‘felt like it’?”

“I figured it would be a fun adventure and give me time to think.”

Anna laughed, “You mean to brood?”

“I didn’t say that”

“Come on Elsa, you weren’t seriously going to mope and look dramatically out the window for 2 weeks were you?”

“Well, when you put it like that, I guess not.”

“Meaning, yes Anna I was but you called me out on it and now I don’t know what to say. Right?”

Elsa made a face, she had known this woman for less than an hour and she was already so far in her head that Elsa might as well charge her rent. But saying her, what she now saw as reckless and impulsive plan, out loud was freeing.

She felt warmth on the back of her neck and turned back to the window to see the sunlight set fire to a field of corn. Brown wispy tops of long green stocks danced in waves, long endless rows bent and swayed. A lone tree in the middle of the field broke the pattern, the stalks that had come to worship at its feet paid the price for being in the shade. They were shorter and more sparse, yet the further from the tree, the more they grew. The further away from the city, the train went, the more Elsa felt like those corn stalks away from the tree.

  +++

The dining car was busier, packed full of life and people. All of whom were in various states of dress. Some sporting loose-fitting sweats, wiping sleep from their eyes. Others in formal business attire, already on their third cup of coffee and 7th morning briefing. The clicking of their keyboards and monotone voices of video calls faded into the conglomerate of sounds contained in the frankly small space.

“Can I get you ladies anything this morning?” a younger woman in uniform asked, she placed two small, single-page menus in front of Elsa and Anna, who each sat on opposite sides of a small booth.

“A coffee and some toast, please.” Elsa handed the menu back, she hadn’t bothered looking, it was a simple basic order that she never struggled to find anywhere she went.

“Umm,” Anna on the other hand was scanning the menu up and down, trying to decide. “Orange juice and a coffee and a bagel with butter instead of cream cheese. Please!” the woman smiled and took her menu, continuing down the row.

It wasn’t long before the food and drinks arrived. Elsa put one sugar in her coffee and sipped it slowly. Outside the large, clean, windows of the dining car, there were vast sprawling fields. It had been only a few days since Anna became her companion and nearly that entire time, the train had seemed to be continually chugging through the same boring field. So much for seeing the country.

Anna dumped several packets of sugar and a few creams into her coffee before taking a large swig and chasing the hot liquid with orange juice. She made a face and busied herself with her bagel.

This is how their mornings went, and it was a comfortable enough routine.

+++

“So listen,” Anna said. They were back in their seats in the passenger car. “The next stop is going to be a long one, apparently there’s a delay further up the tracks and they’re holding us at this next station for a few hours.”

“Yes, I know this. I heard the announcement too.” Elsa mused

“Yeah ok but listen, they said 4 plus hours right? So I googled things around there and I found this!” she handed Elsa her phone, on it was a photo of a waterfall with text below that mentioned a hiking trail.

“I don’t hike, plus I don’t think we have time anyway.” “We wouldn’t BUT! This,” she jabbed the phone screen. “Is a 10-minute walk from the station. See it’s part of a hiking trail but the station itself is a rest stop for the trail. So we’re going.”

There was that commanding presence coming out again. If the waterfall was so close to the station itself, Anna did have a point. So Elsa agreed.

An hour or so later they were stepping off the train onto a dusty brick platform. To call this a station was being generous. There was a small building, which contained two single restrooms, and one vending machine that looked like it hadn’t been serviced in years.

A soft hand grabbed Elsa’s forearm and she found herself being pulled away from the building and towards the beaten path to the waterfall.

+++

“You know, when I left home. No one checked on me. No one text or calls. Not even from my would-be husband.”

“Not text or even a Facebook message?”

“Nope.” Elsa left out a sigh. “I’m not surprised honestly. People say I’m difficult to get to know. At the wedding, the bride’s side was nearly empty. The few people over there just sat there because the groom’s side was full and they wanted a better view.”

Anna picked up a small pebble and tossed it into the stream, it made a soft plop sound before sinking below the surface. “Why did you guys want to get married then?”

“Well,” Elsa chewed on her lower lip for a moment before answering. “When you’re in business people expect things from you. It’s incredibly outdated and sexist too. But you’re expected to have a wife or a husband, expected to have children, expected to own a home, or at least rent somewhere nice. Have a good, clean car, new tech, nice clothes. All those things.”

She paused to copy Anna’s move with the pebble but missed the water completely, the small stone disappearing somewhere in the woods.

“We met at a company gathering and didn’t hate each other. Our drinks were the same, we watched the same evening news, had the same mild interest in the local sports team. It was enough to bolster a conversation. We started dating a few weeks later.”

“What about the wedding?”

Elsa laughed or at least made a sound that was like a laugh. “We had been dating for 2 years. And when I saying dating, I mean we were each other’s plus one to events, and we had dinner together at the nice restaurants. He was up for a promotion, asked if I wanted to get married and I agreed.”

“Wait what, he didn’t romantically propose?”

“No, we were never really intimate. A kiss here and there, maybe a night over to relieve stress. But if I’m honest, we spent most of our time apart and doing our own thing.”

Anna picked up a stick and picked at the bark, her brows pulled together and the ghost of a frown on her face.

“Did you love him?” she asked quietly

Elsa didn’t answer right away, choosing instead to turn her attention to the waterfall. Finally, after a few long minutes of silence, she answered. “No. No, I didn’t love him. And I would bet everything I own that he didn’t love me either.”

This time Anna sighed and scooted closer to Elsa. “You deserve to be loved, Elsa.”

“I’m not sure I even know what love is.”

Anna stood and walked in front of her field of view. Hands on her hips. “Sure you do!”

Elsa responded by standing and making a face.

“Elsa love isn’t a contract, it’s not a business proposal. It’s work and it’s hard but it also good and warm. Love is telling someone about your day and them listening and offering advice. Love is watching a movie together and laughing at the stupid parts. Love is holding someone while they’re sick and telling them dumb jokes to make them feel better. Love is a lot of things, but what love isn’t is convenient.”

“He was very convenient…”

“But was he love?”

“No.”

Anna reached out and took Elsa’s hand, giving it a light squeeze. “It’s okay, you know? You’re going to be okay. Fresh coast, fresh start.”

“Fresh coast, fresh start?” Elsa repeated, confused.

“Yeah, you’re moving to the West Coast, fresh coast, to start anew, fresh start.”

“Fresh coast, fresh start.” Elsa said again, “You know what, I like that.”

Anna beamed and that warm feeling prickled on the back of Elsa’s neck again.

+++

“So we have the colors all picked out, purple and green. And my dress is white but it’s ever so slightly green like it will catch the light, it’s so pretty.” Anna said. They were back in the dining car, having just finished dinner. About a week had passed since the waterfall adventure and train was rolling again. This time outside the window the fields were broken by large rocks and streams. Anna had her phone out, swiping through photos of her wedding prep.

“You sound excited,” Elsa commented, taking a sip of wine.

“Oh, I am! It’s going to be a lot of fun…” Anna looked up suddenly and stared right at Elsa. “You should come!”

“You don’t have to invite me.”

“Oh please, we’re like practically sisters at this point. Like I know what brand of tampon you used and I know that you snore when you sleep.”

“That’s… that’s a weird thing to know.”

“Elsa, everyone snores, pay attention, I’m forwarding you the rsvp so you can fill out what type of food you want.”

Elsa had to smile as she pulled out her phone to answer the email. “What a strange trip this has been. One day I’m running from my own wedding, and now I’m getting invited to a stranger’s.”

“Not a stranger, a friend,” Anna added, smiling warmly.

“A friend,” Elsa repeated, genuinely returning Annan’s smile.

“You know I was just sitting in the dining car, having a coffee and playing a pointless game on my phone. When I suddenly just felt this pull to leave. And I followed it blindly till I saw you. Then it’s like everything clicked. I think we were meant to find each other.”

Elsa was quiet for some time, considering this. Anna had swooped into her field of vision and hadn’t left since. And for once she didn’t mind the company. That warm feeling was back and with it, Elsa found herself agreeing. “I think we were meant to find each other too.”

+++

In the morning they would be arriving in San Francisco and would be going their separate ways. It was likely they wouldn’t see each other again. Sure, they had exchanged numbers - but in a city of 3 million people, it was easy to lose a single soul.

She didn’t want to lose Anna though. This blaze of a woman who dared to knock down Elsa’s walls with a bulldozer. She had never really had a close friend, and as Anna, asleep on her shoulder, stirred in response to a dream - Elsa couldn’t help but wonder if this is what it felt like to be loved.

Anna shifted, reaching out her hand, searching for something. Fingers moved with a purpose, slowly curling and uncurling until their ship reached the harbor. And she wrapped them around Elsa’s hand, holding firmly, as if she was once again reading Elsa’s mind and was too, afraid to let her go.

Elsa decided then and there, that this time would be different. This time she wouldn’t close the door on someone. She gave Anna’s hand a slight squeeze, causing Anna to nestle into the old woman’s neck.

Elsa turned to watch the lights from the city fade into the darkness of the desert. Her neck was warm and this time it traveled down and warmed her whole body. She ran a thumb over Anna’s hand and smiled.

[fandom-necromancer]

‘You come here often?’ ‘Well I work here.’ Part 4 

This was prompted by the lovely AO3 user LoafofCat! Enjoy!

Fandom: Detroit become human | Ship: Reed900 [Read complete on AO3]

‘You know, if you just wanted to see me, there would be easier ways.’ ‘Bold of you to assume I come here only to see you.’ Nines smiled looking up to Gavin, who was just untying his apron and sitting down in front of him with a coffee of his own. ‘Am I wrong then?’, the human asked and Nines huffed, letting his head fall. ‘No’, he admitted. ‘Okay, so let me get this right’, Gavin laughed. ‘I had to propose to my boss to get thirium drinks on the menu as a “costumer asked for it” and it might help us crank those numbers up, just so you could plant your ass here in your break?’ ‘It did get you more costumers though’, Nines shrugged pointing to the other tables. ‘That’s not- Nines, do you think I care about this shop? I just work here; I don’t care if… You know what? Screw it. Nice to see you, Nines.’ ‘Nice to see you too’, the android chuckled. ‘How are you?’ ‘Can’t complain. What do you have there?’

Nines looked down on the tablet in his hands. ‘Oh, just work. A case.’ ‘You are on your break and brought work?’, Gavin asked, looking at him sceptically. ‘Tina was right, you really are me just with a little less personality.’ ‘Being nice and polite doesn’t mean not having a personality. You were just an asshole.’ ‘What technically is a personality trait’, Gavin argued, taking a sip from his coffee. ‘Now come on, tell me about your case!’ Nines frowned. ‘I really can’t tell you, it’s-‘ ‘Confidential, I get it. But come on, I’m a former cop I can keep a secret. For old time’s sake.’ The android eyed Gavin and how he looked so eager to get information. It was cute in a way, how he looked in between his eyes and the tablet in his hands. Maybe that’s why Nines showed weakness and caved in.

‘Okay, but you really keep this to yourself. We are investigating a series of murders. They don’t have anything in common in regard to victims or how the deed was done or staged, but at every crime-scene we found the picture of this man.’ Nines flipped through the pictures of the different crime-scenes until he reached a few portraits. They weren’t really the kind of pictures you would expect of a cold-blooded serial-killer. Not after the few flashes of gruesome staging, Gavin caught a glimpse of as Nines had searched for these. They all portrayed a middle-aged man with a small belly you could easily get if you worked long hours in the office and were too exhausted afterwards to do sports. The pictures looked like they were ripped right out of a family photo-album. The guy was at the beach smiling at the camera with a cocktail in hand. The next one showed him in what Gavin supposed to be his home with a small dog on his lap. Then next to a ridiculously oversized barbeque grill all shiny chrome and reds.

Gavin lifted a brow at Nines. ‘Yeah, sorry Nines, but no way this is your killer.’ ‘I ruled it out as unlikely, too’, the android nodded. ‘Although you can never know with people. At the very least it’s a lead. Maybe the killer knows this man. As much as this is a lead, it is also our only link.’ Gavin shrugged, leaning back. ‘Well, why haven’t you solved it then? I mean, you can scan his face and get a name, age, address, likely even social media as creepy as they designed you and Connor. No offense there.’ Nines sighed. ‘As creepy as I might be designed, my scanner has its limits too. I can’t get a name to this man, not even an age. Scanning him just returns an error. Manual research in the police databanks also hasn’t brought up anything yet. We also can’t exactly go around asking for this man. If he is the serial killer, as unlikely as it might seem, we would only alert him.’ Gavin nodded absent-mindedly, staring at the photo, pulling the tablet closer to zoom in on some details. ‘Honestly?’, Nines said frustratedly. ‘We’re all currently waiting for the forensics to find more evidence on the bodies. It’s quite frustrating, but at the same time no one really minds if I spend a bit longer on my break with you.’

Gavin couldn’t help but let out an exaggerated ‘Awww’ at that, Nines reprimanded with an annoyed but amused look. ‘Nah, really thanks, looking at your tablet for what, ten minutes? This was already more exciting than the whole damn month. The most action I had was a drunk guy I had to escort out because everyone else was too chicken shit to risk getting vomited on.’ ‘Understandable.’ ‘Not the point. I mean, I’m happy here, I guess. It is decent money and I have more time for my cats at home. Also, maybe not being confronted with what humans are capable of is nice for a while. But I can basically feel my brain rot here.’ ‘That is also understandable’, Nines huffed. ‘Maybe search for some outside work activity? Something new to learn and keep you active mentally?’ ‘Like what? Knitting?’ ‘If you want that?’ ‘You know what? Maybe not the worst idea. I’ll see if I can find anything and when I have I will-‘

Nines never got to find out what Gavin would do afterwards, as his colleagues called him, pointing at the growing queue. The human sighed. ‘Well, my call to duty’, he announced and walked over to press a quick kiss to the android’s temple. ‘Was nice chatting with you, babe. Good luck with your case.’ ‘Yeah, you too.’

-

It was a slow Tuesday, without many costumers coming in. The rush of office workers in their break had already stormed the small shop and rushed back to their workplace and now it was mostly a few students and the regular old granny circle in the front judging people and eating cake. Living the life. Gavin had already washed the entire stack of mugs twice now and was out of work, except for manipulating the radio until his co-workers began to wonder why the last song had been so long and found him messing with the system. Then he walked around, collecting discarded newspapers and cleaning the tables while his co-worker told him she would be out for a cigarette. He nodded and continued working until a sole costumer entered. Gavin quickly rubbed the table dry and hurried over, throwing the man an extra smile just in case he wanted to complain about having to wait a few seconds. ‘What can I do for you?’ ‘I’d like a coffee, please. Medium, to go with cream but no sugar.’ ‘Coming right up.’ Gavin was already going through the motions of preparing the coffee and turned around to hand it over. ‘Anything else…’ He trailed off, as he saw the man’s face, but he seemingly hadn’t noticed his slip. ‘No, thank you, that would be all.’

Gavin watched him leave again and was trying to decide what to do next. He couldn’t just leave; he was at work after all. But he couldn’t do nothing either. Frantically he looked through the shop and, in the end, shook his head, rushing past the counter. Outside his co-worker stopped him. ‘Gavin? What are you doing?’ Gavin blinked, but came up with an excuse fast enough: ‘Dude forgot his wallet. Can you take over for a moment? Sorry!’ ‘Sure, no problem. Just hurry, he’s already behind the corner.’

Gavin did hurry. But not to run after the man, but to pull out his phone. ‘Nines? Yes, hi babe I know you are at work, shut up, this is work. Li-Listen, yes. Shut up for just a second! I’m pursuing your office killer. Ye-Yes, exactly, the beach holiday photo model with the ugliest dog I’ve seen in my life. Now will you phcking get your ass here? I will pursue him you can track my phone. Wh- come on, it can’t be that dangerous, I’m still well trained now stop worrying and move your ass!’

He had become louder than he wanted and had caused the man he wanted to follow inconspicuously to turn around. He wasn’t really unsuspicious though, dressed in the silly coffee-shop apron and shouting at someone on the phone. Trying to play it down, Gavin instead tried the open approach: ‘Hey, you forgot your wallet!’ It only caused the man to bolt. So much for being a friendly, costumer-orientated employee. Gavin pushed it all to hell, lifting up his apron and running after the man. So, he did had dirt on him. Gavin followed him down the street and used a streetlight to take the corner with more speed. A mistake he later would regret as he ran face first into a fist that definitely wasn’t human. Seeing stars, he looked up from where he had fallen against the building. The chubby man was surprisingly agile and fast, unfitting to his overall completely average looks. And Gavin saw why: The skin where the man had punched him had retracted to show stern white underneath. The man was an android? Where the hell did he get all these modifications from? Cyberlife had designed all androids to be phcking inhuman models. But maybe that had been the plan. Being as inconspicuous as possible. Remembering the brief flashes of crime-scenes that made him pale. Oh no.

‘How the hell did some barista recognise me, huh?’, the android asked, holding Gavin by the throat, his toes barely touching the ground. ‘You are all over the news!’, Gavin tried. ‘I’m not. None of my doings have even been published yet.’ ‘Well, I was a cop once.’ ‘Were you? Well, who is your contact then? If you were a cop once.’ Gavin really hoped someone would turn the corner and see this to help him. Because the way the android’s hand clenched around his throat, lack of oxygen could soon be his least concern. ‘My boyfriend, okay? But I will never tell you his name!’ ‘Your boyfriend? Alright, thank you. After I killed you, I will go to him next. See if I can’t keep this information from spreading.

The pressure on his throat became almost unbearable, as Gavin saw a flash of white behind the man. ‘I highly doubt that’, Nines voice sounded through the alley and Gavin could see the gun aimed at his head. ‘Now let him down and go.’ The android in front of Gavin cursed, but complied. ‘You are arrested for the suspected murder of three people, as well as the attempted murder of this man. Turn around, hands behind your back.’ Nines handcuffed him, reading him his rights before making the call to the station to send a car.

‘Gavin, that was extremely reckless of you.’ ‘Hey, I got your killer, right?’, Gavin croaked with a cocky grin while rubbing his throat. ‘I solved a case you would have waited weeks on before even getting close to the guy.’ ‘Oh, please, I’m the most advanced android there is. I would have gotten him.’ ‘Yeah, but it was the ex-detective they threw out to replace with you that caught him in the end.  Please, rub that into Fowler’s face for me, would you?’ ‘I most certainly won’t’, Nines stated. ‘I will emphasize your involvement in this case though, what at least should keep your employer off your ass.’ ‘Oh, what would I do without you?’ The android in Nines grip struggled against him, causing Nines to return his attention to him. ‘Urgh, get a room, you two!’ ‘Excellent idea actually. Gavin, how about after our shifts ended, we meet at my place? You know? To celebrate.’ ‘Oh, I’d love to’, Gavin grinned and winked the RK900.

The captive criminal got a glimpse of the gesture and regretted it deeply. ‘Oh, please, just kill me, would you?’

[leafs-lover]

Because Two People Got Drunk: 15

Series Masterlist

A/N: Italics is a flashback.

Summary: It is Oliver’s first birthday party. You have friends and family visit for the occasion. You and Fred celebrate Thanksgiving as a family.

Warnings: Smut, swearing, NSFW

Word Count: 5100

 Chapter 15

November 6, 2022

Today you are throwing Oliver’s first birthday party. The penguins have a few days with just practices. The leafs play the following day so Fred asked to have the party the week before his actual birthday, to allow some of his old and current teammates could come. A few of your friends have come down for the weekend to help celebrate his birthday, as well as his parents.

You through him a “Mr. Onderful” themed party; he has on a onesie that had a white bowtie, jeans and suspenders.

You walk in and see Fred dressed in jeans and a white button-up tee with a black bow tie. He gives you a hug “Hey (Y/N).” “Hey Fred, nice outfit” you say half joking half serious. He did look really good, had you weak in the knees.

“I wanted to match my boy” he jokes bouncing Oliver.

“Well you both look really good” you reply realizing you haven’t separated yet.

“So do you (Y/N/N)” he says looking down at you. You are wearing a black maxi dress, its low cut and tight in the top accentuating your boobs, at the waist it becomes flowy. You are still breast feeding, so your breasts are slightly larger.

You see Fred’s eyes shift from your eyes to your boobs which you ignore “thanks Fred.”

You separate from your hug “looks great in here” he says.

“Thanks, but Heather the planner did most of the work. Couldn’t have done this without her” you explain.

Fred rented out a large party space, and got some jumping castles and games for some of the older kids. The party colours were black, white and gold, with cookies in the shape of bowties and mustaches, as well as some cupcakes. Everything turned out super cute.

The guests start trickling in, and even though he is turning one he is spoiled by everyone. There was a fair bit of penguins gear, books, mini sticks and various sports equipment. Auston even got him a shirt that said “little red” earning a laugh from everyone.

Everyone is having a great time as Oliver stumbles around the party. Fred takes him to a jumping castle. He climbs in with him and sits on his knees and helps him jump up and down on as his baby laugh fills the room.

“That is just the cutest thing ever” Allie says, walking up with Carlee, Anna and Kathy.

“I love baby laughs, they make my heart explode” Kathy says.

“It really is” you say smiling.

“So is his girlfriend coming?” Carlee asks, but you can tell that isn’t what she wants to asks.

“Well the party is half over so I’m going to say no. Last we talked about her, he mentioned he hadn’t introduced him to Oliver yet” you respond.

“He hasn’t brought her to any games or anything. I don’t know if he is ready to introduce her to that part of his life yet either” Kathy adds.

Throughout the party you see Charlotte and Ernst, Ernst smiles at you while Charlotte walks up and you have some small talk with her. While you haven’t talked directly to her since the last time you saw her, she did add you on Instagram.

“Hey so I have something to ask you, it’s about my mom” Fred says.

“Okay, go ahead” you respond a little nervous.

“So apparently I don’t send her enough pictures or videos of Ollie, she is mad at me for this.”

This causes you to laugh lightly “Anyways I sent her a video you had posted on Instagram and she wants to know if you will accept her request so she can see pictures and videos of him since I don’t post on there. She wanted to know if you’d be comfortable with it before sending the request, didn’t want it to upset you or anything.”

“Oh come on Fred, you know me better than that. Of course she can add me!” you say.

“Thanks (Y/N/N). This really helps get me out of the dog house with her” he says, you give him a light smile.

You have sent her some videos and pictures directly to her over the past couple months, which you know she appreciates. While you know you Fred has repaired his relationship with his father, you don’t know if you will. But at least you can have some relationship and be civil with your son’s grandmother.

After the party you sit around with your friends, Oliver is with Fred for the night. “So what’s going on with you two?” Carlee asks “I saw him checking you out all night.”

“He wasn’t checking me out” you state filling up the glasses with more wine.

“He couldn’t stop staring at your boobs, he wasn’t subtle.”

“Well can you blame him?” you joke.

“Yeah they were nice before, but since you started breast feeding they are even bigger” Allie jokes.

A bottle later Carlee looks at you “so are you going to make us ask you? We know something happened” You just stare at her slowly taking a sip of wine as 4 eyes stare at you.

You know these girls see through you, being friends since kindergarten. They know what you are thinking before you even think it. You sigh before saying “about a month ago we slept together.”

“WHAT! HOW?” Carlee yells. “How was it?!” Allie yells at the same time.

“Answer her question first, spare no deets” Carlee exclaims.

“It was amazing, as always” you laugh.

“It was amazing” Allie says mockingly. “We need more.”

“Well he knows what he is doing, and he does it very well. He always has” you say taking a sip. “He isn’t someone who is just looking out for himself, he makes sure to take care of me. More than once. “ you smirk, enunciating each word. “But it happened last month, his birthday, I went to the game and we went back to his place had a couple drinks and well you know…” you trail off.

“Last time I heard a story of you two getting drunk and sleeping together it ended with a baby” Carlee laughs.

“I have an IUD now, so I don’t have to worry about forgetting pills. And he used a condom anyways.”

“Okay but like spill, there is more to this. Like how many times?” Allie says.

“We had sex once” you reply. “That’s not what we’re talking about” Carlee groans.

“Twice” you say smirking. “The first time was basically just his mouth, god he is soooo good with his mouth”

“Fuck I need to get me a guy like Freddie” Allie says. “What about the sex?”

“I told you before; he is very good at what he does. But we never talked about it the next day. When I left it was kind of awkward and cold. I don’t know if he regretted it because of Danielle, or just regretted it in general. I mean the time before it caused major problems so maybe he was waiting for something to happen. Or was expecting me to ruin it again.”

“The way he was looking at you today didn’t look like he regretted it. Looked like he wanted to do it again, and maybe another time” Carlee says grinning at you.

“I don’t want to complicate things. Besides I have been seeing someone for the past 3 weeks."

“Boring” Allie says.

“It wasn’t boring, he is a graphic designer. I’m seeing him again Tuesday night after I drop you ladies at the airport.”

“What about Fred?” “What about him, he has Danielle.”

___________________________________________________________

“Hello”

“Hey Fred. Ollie has a fever of 101, and he hasn’t been eating anything really. I called the doctor and they said to keep an eye on him and if he isn’t better to bring him in tomorrow. He won’t stop crying, I can’t calm him down” you rambles quickly barely stopping. All the time you’re talking Oliver is screaming in the background.

“Oh geez” Fred whispers quietly.

“I just, I –“ before you can answer Fred talks again “I’ll be right there.” He is at home for a homestead, but tonight is a night that you have Oliver, and Fred doesn’t have a game.

“Hey” you say opening the door.

“I finally got him to sleep” You explain. “He had a low fever this morning but wasn’t overly hungry, I thought maybe he was teething. He was playing with his toys but seemed fussier than normal. After his nap it got bad, his fever was almost 101°F, he wouldn’t eat and was screaming, I –.” Words are spewing out of your mouth a mile a minute.

He wraps you in a hug “(Y/N/N) babies get sick, it’s okay. You did everything right.” He is trying to calm you down, but your heart is racing, feels like it is beating out of your chest.

“I just am so stressed out, I didn’t know what to do. He never has been like this”

“Go sit down, I’ll get us a drink” he says walking to the kitchen, You sit on the couch and Fred joins you setting two waters on the coffee table “I thought you meant alcohol” you joke lightly as he takes off his jacket.

“Wow you look nice” you say looking him up and down. He has a nice button down shirt tucked into his black dress pants. Seeing him makes your breath hitch slightly.

“Yeah I was at dinner” he says sitting beside you.

“Sorry didn’t mean to interrupt your date.”

He stares at you for a minute. In the chaos you didn’t even get a chance to look at him, and never even considered why he asked you to watch Oliver when he was home with no game. “You would only dress like that if it was a date” you explain.

“Oh. Well it’s not a big deal, Oliver is more important.” Your heart is still racing as you sit there, he pulls you into his lap and strokes your back as tears immediately fall from your eyes. “Hey, hey, hey your fine, and he is fine, no need for this.”

He tilts your head and wipes the tears off your face placing a light kiss on your forehead. You sit there crying as place your head on his shoulder, Fred’s big arms wrapped around you. Finally you stop crying and sit there in silence. You look at Fred through your puffy blurry eyes “you’re doing great (Y/N/N).”

“Stuff like this makes me wish my mom was around still” you whisper.

“(Y/N) you are an amazing mother, and if she was around she would tell you that you’re doing everything right. Babies just gets sick sometimes. Let’s get you to bed.” He carries you to your bedroom setting you on the duvet. You pull them back sliding under them. Fred turns to leave the room “will you stay?” you ask lightly.

“Yeah of course” he replies turning off the light “ I’ll sleep on the couch”

“No, I can’t have you messing your back out there. This bed is big enough.”

“You sure?” he asks.

You nod and pull the blankets down on the other side of the bed. He removes his pants and shirt, leaving him in boxers, he crawls in beside you and pulls the duvet up. He pulls you in close and wraps his arms around you. You feel his warm body pressed against you as his hand stroke your hair lightly. His steady breathing helps slow down your heart rate as you begin to doze off.

The next morning you wake up at 6 and the bed is empty, you walk out and see Fred in the kitchen in his boxers making coffee while holding Oliver. His eyes are red from crying as he sucks on a pacifier. “Hey bud” you say toughing his forehead.

“His fever is lower than yesterday but still high” Fred explains.

“His doctor had an appointment available at 11, I’m going to take him to it. When did he wake up?”

“Half hour ago or so, he’s drank a little bit but not a lot. He has been pulling at his ear a lot, he might have an infection.” You nod pouring both of you coffee’s and begin making breakfast.

After eating you are loading the dishwasher when Fred pulls you in for a hug. “He’s napping, I’m going to go home to shower and change. I’ll be back for the appointment.”

Fred was right and Oliver had an ear infection. He called the team and missed his game that night. He stayed over the next few nights until Oliver was better, only leaving for hockey. Fred likely stayed a few days longer than needed, but you really enjoyed having him around. It helped keep you calm.

November 23, 2022

“Happy Birthday Mommy” you hear as Fred opens the door, revealing Fred and Oliver on the other side.

“Oh you are both so handsome” you say as Fred hands Oliver to you. Oliver is in jeans with a plaid shirt under a sweater vest. Fred is wearing a pair of if grey washed jeans with a tight grey long tee.

Today is your birthday, and tomorrow is American thanksgiving; Fred has a few days off so you spend that time together celebrating. You wanted time with Oliver for your birthday, and since Fred had the time off he wanted time with him so he suggested you spend a few days together, you staying in his guest room.

You walk in setting Oliver down for a minute, Fred grabs your bag and takes it to the room. You take your winter coat off and hang it up “fuck” you hear Fred mumble quietly as he comes back to the room seeing you. You have on a pair of high waist leather pants with a black silk and lace camisole under a jean jacket. His reaction makes you smile to yourself.

You walk in to the kitchen with Oliver and see that dinner is set on the table. After eating Fred gets up and gets a box, he opens it setting a cupcake in front of all of you. You raise your eyebrow as he removes it from the liner before handing it to Oliver “it’s your birthday” Fred explains.

After eating the cupcakes you pick Oliver up and hold him in your lap, Fred puts a gift bag down in front of you, which contains a new pair of white Louboutin heels, with red bottoms. “Fred you didn’t have to do this” you say holding them up to look at them, noticing the sparkles as you move them in the light.

“I didn’t, Ollie did” he shrugs. He kisses the top of your head before scooping Oliver up “speaking of, its bed time little man.” He leaves the kitchen with Oliver to get him ready for bed when your phone goes off, a facetime request from Connor.

“Hey” you say smiling as you answer it.

“Hey, happy birthday!” he says.

“Thanks, how is Minnesota?”

“It’s okay, cold” he grumbles.

You laugh lightly “how was your birthday” he questions.

“Good, Oliver bought me some shoes” you explain holding them up for the camera.

“Wow, he has good taste” he says. You set the shoes down “yeah he does.”

“So do you have a sitter for Oliver? I want to take you out to dinner when I get back for your birthday, but you mentioned you are bringing Oliver back to your place since Fred will be on the road.”

“Uh I don’t have one. But I was going to start the process of finding someone. I’m sure I can figure something out.”

You hear Fred turn the TV on in the living room as you continue to talk with Connor for a few minutes. After you hang up you join Fred on the couch as he is watching Ozark. “Who was that?” he asks.

“Connor” you pause before continuing “we’ve gone out a couple times.”

Fred nods not breaking his eyes from the TV. “If you wanted to, I could ask Christie. Ollie is comfortable with her.”

“Yeah that would be great” you say before settling in to watch TV.

The next day is Thanksgiving, and you are having a lazy day at home. Oliver remains in his pyjamas while running around playing with toys or bringing you books to read. Fred spends the day in his track pants, hung low on his hips and a white t-shirt, you lounging in a loose t-shirt with track shorts. You go to the park, and spend time as a family.

You sit on the counter drinking wine watching Fred as he loads the day’s dishes into the dishwasher. You’re entire day makes you realize what you could have had if you hadn’t panicked earlier in the year, what your life could have been. You swirl the glass in your hand staring at him as he bends over, you see his pants tighten around his ass. You lick your lips eyes locked on him. You don’t even realize that Fred has stood up and is looking at you until you hear him laughing.

Your head snaps up and you realize he caught you staring at him, a blush creeps across your face as he smirks, “sorry” you mumble quickly diverting your eyes taking a sip of wine.

“You could try to not be so obvious” he chuckles.

“Oh, like you are subtle” you retort a smile coming across your face.

“I don’t know what you’re–“

“Oh please, 90% of the conversations you have with me you’re staring about 8 inches below my eyes. Don’t even try to deny it”

He smiles lightly as his cheeks turn red. “I mean I don’t blame you, they are nice” you joke taking another slow sip of wine.

He walks over to you and stops a few inches in front of you ”they are nice” he says. He places his hands on the counter on either side of you “very nice” he whispers, his mouth inches from your ears. You feel wetness pooling in your core, Fred leans forward pressing his bulge against your thigh.

You tilt your head slightly to look at him; his lips are quickly on yours. You wrap your legs around his waist pulling him in close as your hands reach up to his neck, tangling in his hair. He deepens the kiss; you allow his tongue entrance as you place your wine glass on the counter. The kiss becomes sloppy, a frantic mess of tongues and lips. His calloused hand comes up your shirt and begins playing with your nipple under your bra.

You break the kiss for a moment to remove his shirt, your mouth returns to him, this time to his chest. You begin biting his chest, only separating briefly when he removes your shirt and bra.

He stares at you smiling “so fucking nice” he says before his mouth attaches to your nipple, swirling his tongue around it before sucking on it. A low groan leaves your mouth as your head falls back, your nails scratching his biceps, he brings a hand up to your hair and roughly grabs it as he pulls your head back biting your collarbone. He bites and sucks along your neck as you moan out, he applies pressure pushing you backward onto the cool marble counter. He begins making his way down to your core sucking and biting down your stomach.

“Mmm Fred” you say as he slides your pants down your legs. He places soft kisses on your thigh as he moves closer to the area where you need him most. He moves to kiss you on top of your lace underwear, his beard tickling the inside of you. “Oh” you moan as his tongue pushes into you.

“You’re soaked baby” he says kissing you over your underwear he groans as he tastes you through the lace. “Who did this to you?”

His tongue continues to push into you over your underwear. “You did” you moan out. Fred pulls up and bites your thigh while he hooks a finger in your underwear pulling it down your legs.

“You’re so beautiful” he says bending down looking directly at your clit, “so fucking beautiful.” You feel his cool breath as his beard rubs the inside of his thighs. He nips the inside of your legs slowly inching towards you core. As he approaches, your back arches before he moves to kiss your pubic bone.

You are getting annoyed by his teasing and before you can say anything you feel him lick a stripe up you. He stops at your clit and begins to suck on it. “Fuck” you mumble, feeling Fred smile against you. He keeps sucking on your clit as your hands reach down, gripping the counter. Fred slips his tongue inside your folds his nose brushing against your clit.

He licks the inside of your walls, your hands gripping the counter tighter, knuckles going white, as your hips lift slightly. Fred throws his arm over your hips to hold them in place. His other hand comes up to your nipple massaging it, while his tongue continues to lick the inside of you.

“Freddie” you groan “I’m close.” You’re almost surprised by how quickly he has you on the edge, but he knows your body almost better than you know yourself.

He dives in deeper, his hand pinching your nipple. He sucks on your folds, before sliding his tongue back in your folds.  He pushes his nose in harder to your clit, you begin to whimper as your high approaches you. You close your eyes, his nose brushing your swollen bud. You moan as your orgasm comes, you spasm around his tongue as your legs tighten around his head.

He continues working on you as your orgasm continues, he doesn’t move back until he has licked up all your cum. He finally stands up wiping his hand on his mouth to remove the juices from his face, and wiping his hands on his pants. You sit up slightly on your forearms as Fred brings his head to yours, locking you in a deep kiss.

He brings his hands under your thighs, your legs wrapping around his waist. He hoists you up carrying you down the hall, you bite his neck and chest leaving marks. He drops you gently on the bed hovering over you. You pull him closer before you push him onto his back as you straddle him. You rock against him, feeling his sweatpants rub against your core. You feel his hard member underneath you, and slide a hand inside and find his bare penis. You raise an eyebrow at him “no underwear?” you question as you stroke him.

You slide off the bed, pulling his sweats down with you. You crawl over him and place kisses on his abs trailing down his treasure line, his hands reach for your hair. You kiss his stomach, moving lower to his groin when you feel him push your head down trying to get you where he needs you.

“You want something Fred?” you ask innocently placing a light kiss on his tip.

“Babe” he groans trying to push you down further.

“Relax, so needy” you chuckle before licking a stripe on the underside of him. You place a soft kiss on his balls before you continue to his tip, tasting the pre-cum.

“(Y/N) please” he groans.

“Not a fan of being teased eh” you say placing another kiss to his shaft. Before he can respond you wrap a hand around him. You begin stroking him up and down a few times, you suck on his hip while you continue stroking him.

“Fuck” he says, his hands relaxing on you.

“This what you wanted?” you ask seductively, the speed of your hand increasing.

“Yes” he pants.

“You sure?” you lean down and suck another mark on his hip, causing his hip to lift slightly. “I think you want something else” you kiss his tip again “yeah?”

“Please” he moans keeping his eyes locked on you. He watches as you slide his length into your mouth swirling your tongue around him. You bob on him, hollowing your cheek to allow him in deeper. You set a steady pace, bobbing on him.

“(Y/N/N)” he says softy his hands gripping the bedsheets. You can tell he is getting close, as you continue to deep throat him. He hits the back of your throat while you bring a hand up to massage his balls. You take his entire length in your mouth, choking slightly as you continue your pace.

“(Y/N)” he says a little louder this time. “Babe you gotta stop” he says reaching down to pull you off him. You pout as he pulls you in for a deep passionate kiss sucking on your bottom before he pushes you onto your back.

He kisses your chest, sucking on your nipple, you feel his throbbing cock pressed into your stomach. He uses a knee to spread your legs slightly before he slides two fingers into your folds. You moan as he continues sucking your nipple. He slowly thrusts his fingers in and out of you, pushing them fully in every time.

You bend your knee and Fred kisses the inside of your thigh. His fingers thrusting inside you, his thumb pressing circles on your clit.  He returns biting your neck as you bring your hands to his chest scratching down it as he continues to thrust in slowly before he fully pulls out of you. You wince at the empty feeling before Fred brings them to your lips. You open your mouth and he slips his fingers in your mouth. You taste your juices as you clean his fingers.

He pulls his fingers from you “flip over” he says. When you flip onto your hands and knees you hear the sound of foil tearing behind you. You feel his hard member brush against your folds, his tip teasing your entrance. You grind your ass back trying to push onto him.

“Relax, so needy” he chuckles lightly smacking your ass, you groan as he uses your words against you. He slowly slides himself inside you bottoming out, you feel yourself stretching for him. He pulls out, his hands resting on your hips. He uses them to pull you back against him. He sets a fast pace as you continue to grind back onto him. His hand leaves your hip and slaps your ass, harder this time, you wince at the pain as his hand returns to your hip. You continue rolling against him, his pace picks up.

You feel him lean around you, his hand reaches to rub your clit. He starts rubbing fast circles as you feel him becoming sloppy behind you. He uses his other hand to pull you back hard into him

“Aaah, right there” you moan “don’t stop.”

You hear a strangled laugh leave his mouth “didn’t plan on it.” You begin to feel your walls beginning to tighten. “Fuck” you mumble.

“You close (Y/N/N)?” he questions.

“Yeah, so close” a choked groan escapes your lips.

He continues his pace, rubbing on your clit. Your walls tighten as you clench around him, he keeps thrusting while your orgasm continues. Once you return from your high you feel him thrusting his hands pulling your hips back hard onto him.

“Freddie” you moan loudly. He keeps his pace before you continue “babe I want to ride you.”

He quickly pulls out and lies on his back; you crawl over to him and easily slide back onto him. Your hands scratch his chest as you set a quick pace on him. He pushes his hips up, pressing further into you “babe” you groan.

“You gonna cum again?” he asks, his hands playing with your breasts. Your head falls back as you keep rising on him. “You have one more babe?” he asks. You aren’t able to answer him before you feel your walls tighten around him again. Your hands dig hard into his chest as you ride him through your high.

You feel him thrust into you a few more times before his dick twitches, him spilling into the condom. You collapse on your back beside Fred.

You lay there for a few minutes, allowing your heart rates to stabilize. Fred gets up and heads to his bathroom to dispose of the condom, returning with boxers on. He has a damp cloth in his hand that he uses to gently clean you before he walks over to his dresser pulling out a t-shirt.

You roll over and sit on your knees as he pulls the t-shirt over your head. You look to the red marks on his hips and your hand grazes over the scratches on his firm chest. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to do such a number on your chest.” A smile comes across his face as he crawls in the bed. He pulls you down into his arms “don’t apologize, I enjoyed it” he says as he kisses you lightly.

The next morning you wake up and brew coffee when you hear Oliver stirring. You place him in the highchair and get him breakfast. You reach up to get two mugs, causing Fred’s t-shirt to rise, revealing you black lace panties “Jesus” you hear Fred grumble behind you. You turn around and immediately hit Fred’s hard shirtless chest, he reaches around you to grab the mugs for you. He sets them on the counter beside you, before bringing a hand to play with the hem of your shirt. You look up at him as he brings his lips down to yours engaging you in a passionate kiss. You moan lightly, he pulls back slightly smiling against your lips “good morning.”

You spend the rest of Friday with him and Oliver. You watch movies and play toys enjoying your time the three of you. After you put Oliver to bed, you walk into the hallway and Fred pushes you against the wall, he picks you up and carries you to bed where you spend the night tangled in his sheets.

The next morning you leave when Fred leaves for a road trip. He helps you down to your car and buckles Oliver into his car seat. Before letting you into your car he pins you against it, bringing his lips down for a deep passionate kiss.

“I had a good couple days with you” he says mumbling against your lips. Your hands lace into his hair and smile “me too” you say before kissing him one last time.

Oliver’s Birthday: 

Your shoes:

Next Chapter

[paperficwriter]

Your First Date

Some sweet, fluffy batarou. Being teens in love.

Cut is for length, not for content.

“Oi, Badd. Why didn’t we go on a first date?”

“Well, ya hospitalized me, and then ya went on some kind of monster rager and ended up becomin’ some kinda gargoyle thing? With horns, I heard? And then ya ran off for a hot minute until ya showed up here ‘cause Zenko thought you were some kinda stray to bring home, and here we are.”

“...Heh, yeah, that just about covers it.”

Somehow during months of living together, this conversation didn’t even come up until they were sitting together on the couch, watching an anime one evening that depicted a boy and a girl in a very typical ‘is this a date?!’ situation. They were quiet for a little bit after that, until Badd prompted him by elbowing him in the arm. “Did ya want to? I mean, I feel like we kinda skipped that whole thing, yeah? Usually ya date before ya start livin’ with someone.”

“So what’s the difference between going on a date and dating?”

Badd paused the television and turned to him, wedging himself into the back sofa cushion on his side. “The date’s kinda...the thing itself. Datin’ is when you��re, like, ‘Let’s see how this pans out and if I wanna be your girlfriend for the long haul.’”

“Does that mean we skipped straight to making you my girlfriend?”

“Psh. I’m savin’ my girlfriend status for The One. You lose.”

Garou chuckled and pulled one of Badd’s hands over to rub between his. “Never been on a date before,” he mumbled.

“Are ya serious?” Badd winced when Garou bent one of his fingers sideways. “Ow. I didn’t mean it t’ be shitty! You’re good-lookin,’ so I figured ya woulda had to beat ‘em off with a stick!”

Holy shit, did Garou just blush?! “It’s not like I really had a chance, with the whole ‘leaving home and living at a dojo and then dishonoring said dojo and everything afterward,’ you know?”

Badd dragged his thumb against one of the long lines across Garou’s hand. Then he realized it wasn’t actually the love line, or the life line, or whatever. But rather, it was the pink, faded scar left from his hero hunting. “That means if I take ya out on a date, it’s not just our first date but your first date. Officially.”

Garou nodded. “Which means it can’t suck.”

“Hey, my dates don’t suck.”

“They better not. You don’t have an excuse like I do, since it sounds like you’ve been on a million, you hussy.”

Badd snatched his hand back so he could grab him by one of his wild ‘ears’ of hair. “I ain’t a hussy! And I haven’t been on a million dates! Just a few!”

Thin fingers jabbed at his side right into one of his ticklish pressure points, and Badd’s body buckled in on itself. “No, no, you’re clearly the dating pro, so you better wow me or I’m leaving!”

“Fine!” Badd threw himself on top of Garou, grabbing him by his shirt. He dropped his face close to his with a huge grin. “Then I’m gonna take ya on the best damn date o’ your life. So get ready, wolf boy.”

Garou snuck in a kiss onto Badd’s round nose, flashing his own teeth in a smile. “Okay. I’m holding you to that.”

—

Badd ended up borrowing a car. Although he had gotten his license, he didn’t really need one in the city, since he either walked wherever he needed to go or took public transportation. But if he was going to take Garou on a date, they were going to have to head out a little distance from his normal stomping grounds, enough that no one would immediately recognize him or, worse, ask questions about Garou.

And even as it was, Badd still didn’t sport his normal pompadour, and Garou had one of his beanies over his trademark hair. “So, where are we going?” Garou asked as he reached over to play with Badd’s loose strands where they framed his face. 

“It’s a surprise, ya goober. Also, I, uh...didn’t wanna talk about it so much in front o’ Zenko or she’d be sore we weren’t taking her.”

“Scandalous.”

“Shut up!” Badd gave him a shove, but he was smiling. The drive itself was nice; the air was cool, they listened to some music (and since it was just them, they didn’t even have to suffer through Amai Mask’s discography), and the sunset was a beautiful bleed of color across the horizon. 

Garou grinned when Badd turned into a hotel. “Oh, so it’s that kind of a date, huh?”

“It ain’t like that! Don’t be weird!” Badd’s cheeks burned up to his ears. “I got us a room so we didn’t have to rush back tonight, and so I didn’t have to find some random place to park.”

When Badd got back from checking in, Garou had his face out the window of the car, sniffing, eyes big. It was like he was looking into the distance, at nothing in particular, an invisible interest.

Badd couldn’t help ruffling the top of his head. “What is it, boy?” he asked like he was talking to a dog, “Whattaya smell, huh?” 

Garou rolled his eyes but didn’t really divert his attention, though his did close his eyes. “It’s been forever since I went to the beach. I can smell the sand and the water...and I can hear it.”

Badd turned his ear up, letting the wind hit him. He could just barely make out the salty scent, but he certainly couldn’t hear it. “Good thing that ain’t the surprise.”

Tipping his head curiously, Garou got out of the car, and they started walking down the road. 

It couldn’t be but so surprising, because they could see the boardwalk from the half-mile mark as they walked up toward it. A large road right beside piers and docks had been lined with shops, stands and various attractions on either side, and there was a huge ferris wheel lit up with sparkling lights.

Badd had insisted on going during the week, so since it was Wednesday there weren't nearly as many people as there probably would have been on the weekend. On top of that, it was also late in the season, so there weren’t visiting tourists to contend with either. “I know ya hate crowds as much as I do,” Badd commented as he took his hand. “And I wanted your first date to be a good experience, ya know.”

Garou was staring in every direction, his mouth just a little bit open. Shit, was it too much? Had Badd overdone it?

What finally came out was: “I want to eat everything.”

Badd laughed. “Okay. Sounds like a plan.”

When Garou said everything, he wasn’t kidding. Like a bloodhound, Garou made a beeline for the spots that had the best-smelling greasy food scents, and Badd found himself being dragged to stand after stand to buy long skewers of yakitori, shioyaki and ikayaki. Each one was shoved into his face to try. “Please at least keep the squid in a different hand. If I think I’m gonna get chicken and bite into the ikayaki, I’m gonna hurl.”

Garou just took a bite of each. To spite him.

Now, the noodles he could get behind: yakisoba with deliciously tender pieces of pork; hot, sour Thai noodles that warmed him up to the core; a ramen burger made with prime beef and huge pieces of near-solid noodles. Garou was about to lead them to the taiyaki parfait stand, when Badd finally put his hand on his arm.

“Babe. Ya know I think the world of ya, but can we digest for, like, five minutes?”

“I guess.” He smirked and kissed a spot of sauce off the corner of his mouth. “You weakling.”

Next, Badd took him to an arcade. It was set up to look like one of the “classic” ones, with pinball, huge games with old displays that were probably twenty years old, and racing games that made Garou have to fold his long limbs inwards to get to the gas and brake. 

When he caught Badd laughing, he glared. “I’m still going to kick your ass, even if I do dislocate my hip.”

“You are older than me, Stretch. That’s a real concern.”

“By a year!”

But they figured it was time to go when Garou laid into a test-your-strength punching dummy a bit too hard and snapped it off its support. In his defense, Badd absolutely should have been watching him closer. Garou had a tendency to get carried away.

As they explored the area even more, they came to a set of shops outside a mall connected to the boardwalk. Garou wandered over to an open stand and stopped so hard his heels screeched. “Oh my god, Badd, look at this.” At first, it just looked like they were selling little trinkets and random junk...until Badd got a closer look. “It’s fucking knock-off hero stuff like you find online!”

Badd nearly choked as he picked up a toy that he could only guess was supposed to be Genos with huge neon eyes and a perfectly rectangular mouth. One hand was on backwards, and the paint job was so abysmal it was like it was just dipped in random colors. A figurine of Atomic Samurai actually had a gun for some reason, Zombieman had been painted lime green, and then…

“You have to buy it.”

“I don’t have to do any such a damn thing.”

“Please. I need this as a memento of our first date.”

Badd sighed and paid the ridiculous amount for a Metal Bat action figure: the torso was so big his head was roughly pea-sized, he was wearing a skirt and his bat looked like it was a wooden one. “It’s literally in the name! Metal Bat! They had one job!”

Garou cackled as he pocketed his prize. “Villains beware! The amazing Wood Bat! Special move: Splinter Spirit!”

As the sky was just beginning to transition from a red-touched blue into night, Badd walked Garou out onto the pier that cut into the ocean far enough that it was actually quiet, compared to the street. A torii gate stood alone overlooking the water and the far-off sunset. Garou stared up at it as Badd explained, “There used to be a shrine on the water, but it got destroyed by a typhoon or somethin.’ They left the torii up ‘cause the sun falls right inside it, yeah? And it was still standin,’ so...yeah.”

“You know a lot about this place.”

Badd grinned, kind of lopsidedly. “Yeah…”

“Like you’ve been here before. More than once.”

“Heh, guess I’ve been caught.”

Easily hopping up onto it, Garou sat on one of the wooden rails of the dock and looked out over the easy-going waves. “That’s fine. There are only but so many places you can take dates, so obviously there’s going to be some overlap.”

“What? Oh god, no. Garou.” Careful not to push him over, Badd got between Garou’s long legs, hands holding his waist. “I ain’t...I’ve never brought another date here. Never. You’re the first.” He sighed. “I came here when I was a kid, with my folks. And Zenko after she was born, for a couple of years but I think she was too young to really remember it. This is, uh…” He cleared his throat. “This is the first time…” God, don’t cry, don’t fucking choke up. “Since…”

“Hey.” Garou’s fingers rubbed the back of his scalp and pulled his face into his stomach. “I got it. It’s okay. I like it. A lot.”

“...yeah?”

“Yeah. It’s the best first date. I thought you were just going to drag me out to something really lame and I was going to have to be like, ‘Nooo, Baaadd, I loooove it…’”

Badd snickered and jabbed Garou in the side of the leg. “Jerk.”

Garou continued on in the mock-patronizing voice as he jumped off the ledge and back to the dock. “‘Oh my gooood...no, you put soooo much effort into it…’”

“Well now if I ever do disappoint ya, I’ll see right through you!”

“Of course you will, because I am so transparent and you are so perceptive.” Garou tugged him toward the ferris wheel. “Come on, I think this is a good time for this one.”

Badd nodded, and when they got to the ramp, there really wasn’t much of a line. They climbed into the next available car together. It was one of the new, fancier ferris wheels, with a compartment that people could sit in facing each other while looking out a window on either side, at the sea or at the glittering city skyline in the near-distance. Slowly, they started the climb, and as Badd watched the crowds below get smaller and smaller, he could feel Garou’s eyes on him. 

“So, I’m new to this, but it seems pretty obvious that this is when you’re supposed to kiss on dates, right? That’s a thing isn’t it?”

Badd turned his hand over when cool fingers rubbed his knuckles. “Yeah, I think ya kinda...play it by ear, and when it feels right, ya jus’ go for it.”

Garou leaned close, his smile reflecting the bulbs outside that lined the ride’s spokes. “I think you’re supposed to call the shots though, right?”

“Yeah...I think so.” Badd moved like he was going to close the gap between them, but then put his fingers up to block Garou’s lips. “Wait.”

“...seriously?”    

“Trust me.”

It was only about a minute until they rounded the curve and there they were, at the top of the wheel. In the grand scheme of things, it probably wasn’t that high up but...here, it was the highest point, and for them it might as well have been the top of the world. And before Garou could ruin it by saying something dumb or complaining about the hold up, Badd yanked him into the softest, deepest kiss he could give, putting every ounce of himself into it.

They didn’t actually break it until they were almost at the bottom again, and even then they stayed close, gazing into one another’s face.

“You know…” Garou gave him another little peck, smiling through it. “I think I could get into this whole dating thing.”

Badd hummed, and he kept his fingers loosely holding his shirt so he couldn’t get far away from him. “Yeah...kinda figured ya might feel that way.”

[moonfox281]

Can you make a fic about John having his friend Jensen over to his house? Ya know, mobwife! Au? And John being so nervous while Dick and Jason try to embarrass him in front of his friend

“Can I get a friend over?”

John dropped the question right before dinner, right when the table was about to be ready.

“A friend?” Dick asked, then quickly gasped. “A girlfriend?!”

“No, what the fuck? I said friend. Jensen!”

“5 bucks, buddy.” Jason grabbed the swear jar and handed it over to John’s face. Dick’s customized “swear jar”, it was. It used to be just a real jar made off from an old jam jar, but since it was Jason and John living in the house, it soon turned into a whole casserole pot. Dick so far had contributed 12 dollars.

“And you want him over for…”

“Homework, what else can it be? I’ve got buttloads of homework and an exam next week and I’m not letting any douchebag in my class laugh at me again.”

“Just homework, huh?” Jason smirked.

“Ye...yeah? Can you make it sound less gay, or bi, or whatever? I have a thing for boobs and a girl I’ve crushed for over a year? He’s got no boobs and a dick.”

“Yeah, Dickie here used to be surrounded by boobs, and guess where he landed? Me. I have a dick too.”

Dick whacked Jason in the head with the kitchen towel and pushed the plates onto his hands. “Stop messing with him and get the table ready.” And then he slapped Jason’s hand off his butt.

“So can I have him like, over? Just aking, if you guys don’t want to we can go to a coffee-”

“No no no, have him over.” Dick put the clay pot down the middle of the table and suddenly froze. “On second thought, have him over the penthouse.”

“Good idea, have him over the penthouse so he can be the talk of the school the next day.”

“Pop!!!”

Dick whacked Jason in the head again. “Security first, remember?”

“It’s Jensen.”

“And we don’t want anything bad to happen to Jensen, do we?”

 Jason nodded. “You heard him.”

“But he’ll make fun of me!”

“I’ll make sure he gets something else to talk about other than the scale of our house.”

And Dick whacked Jason in the head with his palm, again.

“Okay, that’s it, I’ll just go to his house.”

“Stop worrying, Jason’s only joking. We’re not going to scare him away, he’s your only friend.”

“Yeah...wait, he’s not my only friend.” 

“Jefferson and Hank don’t count. Just because they slipped you into a bar behind my back and play football with you at the park every weekend, doesn’t make them your age-appropriate friends.”

“Dad took me into a bar too.”

“Oh did he?” Dick turned and glared at his husband, who cowardly held the plates and cutleries and ran away. 

_______________________________________________________

When Jensen got a text from John about the address, he thought he was hallucinating. Last time he checked, his best friend was living in Crime Alley, not rolling around on the floor on top of one of Gotham’s biggest skyscrapers penthouse. 

They even got their own elevator, and a hotline number down the reception desk. And that elevator even had a hand scan lock.

And that son of a bitch said he didn’t go to school by a limo!

The elevator music was Death of a Bachelor. Once Jensen got out, there was a lounge with a red velvet couch, glass table, dark wood furniture and Persian carpet. Not even meeting the owners yet and Jensen had already felt like leaving.

There was a door. He came to it, intended to knock when the door opened on its own.

“Hello there.”

It was Richard Grayson.

Oh fucking God. It was Richard Grayson. And Richard Grayson was the loudest pretty face Jensen had ever ever met.

He was so beautiful it felt like he was slapping people in the face with those soft kind eyes. 

“Nice to see you, again.”

Jensen stayed frozen on his feet, because that was what a sensible person did when facing Richard Grayson, right? He looked even more gorgeous up close. But of course, Jensen was more than just sensible, he was the cool action guy that got a lot more up their sleeves than what they flashed outside. He collected himself fast enough and leaned over with his forearm on the frame.

Okay, it looked way cooler in his head, which he kinda accidentally picture Richard Grayson was shorter than him, and in reality, he wasn’t.

“I...um...I’m Jesen, you probably...uh, don’t remember me.”

“Of course I remember you. You’re John’s friend.”

“Really?” Oh god, he was so sweet. And his teeth, they were so...white.

“And you’re the kid that got knocked out by a softball in the middle of PE. I held your head to stop your nosebleed.” 

Okay, Jensen was going home now.

“Dude!” 

John jumped out from behind his father’s back. It was just the start of last year that he was still the scrawny kid with a shady attitude and hid himself in the corner of the classroom like a bat in a cave. Look at him now, a reserve midfielder standing head to head with his dad with his bare arms out in that rolled up Queen tee and a big dick energy. He looked like one of those guys who used to tuck Jesen in the locker room, even though he was now the one scaring off those guys. 

Puberty hit him like a Superman punch. 

“Whatcha doing out there? Get in.”

John’s hot father smiled down at him and left the door. When John came over, he looked like he wanted to punch Jensen in the face.

“Quit it or I punch you in the face.”

He knew his best friend.

“Look, I’ve got enough straight people being bent like an elastic ruler by pop. And I kinda don’t want you on the list behind my dad’s gun...”

“Haha, that’s funny. Relax, he’s your dad.” Even when he was such a DILF.

“Okay. That wasn’t a joke though.”

He really got Jensen with the serious face he put on.

The house looked like it was scraped off from some lousy pages of Fifty Shades.  Shoes off wooden floor, lights everywhere, and a whole lot of windows. Half of the place was literally glass. The living room alone looked bigger than their school cafeteria. 

Great, his best friend turned out to live a Great Gatsby life behind his back and he couldn’t even let Jensen borrow his Xbox. 

“Dude, my room. Come one.”

Jensen quit staring and followed his friend’s feet. “Dude, last time I checked, your house was in Crime Alley.”

“No, it’s not. You checked it wrong.”

“The fuck? So you just round Crime Alley for fun then jump back to Diamond District?”

“No, I go to Crime Alley to sell drugs then fly my way back here with my own chopper parked on top of this building.”

“Really?”

“No, you fucking idiot!”

“I heard that!” John’s father's voice echoed back from somewhere in the house. Literally, this place was so massive Jensen couldn’t remember where he had passed through. There were so many doors, and everywhere was either white or wood cover walls, or full glass windows. And it was a particularly sunny day in Gotham, the lights just hit Jensen right in the face. 

“So, where’s your other dad?”

“He’s out shopping… Why do you care about my dad?”

Okay, if he had to admit to himself, Jensen must say John’s dad left a very striking impression to him the last time they met. 

“I like him.”

John burst out laughing. “Yeah, no shit. You won’t be liking him once you get to know him.” And then he muttered something else under his breath that Jensen couldn’t hear.

“What? He seems cool, but nice.” Way cooler than Jensen’s dad, to be frank. He had nothing against his dad, but his old man didn’t exactly sport a leather jacket and kicked off a Hummer bumper looking like he was cool with running over people and got away with it. 

His own dad was a lawyer and served his time and energy to people that got run over by people like John’s dad, and lost. 

“What’s he buying?”

“Dinner grocery- Okay, that’s it. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Dude, the father of my best friend is Richard Grayson, who secretly married an attractive mysterious man and now you’re living in a penthouse and your grandfather is Bruce Wayne. I may or may not about to fail PE but I'd be dumber than those football jocks to not be curious.”

“Dude, is this why you begged me to come over to my house? For this shit?”

“That’s Richard Grayson!” Jensen shouted back under his breath.

“That’s it. Get in.”

John shoved Jensen into his room and shouted “Don’t fucking get out!” before slamming the door shut. If Jensen wasn’t so distracted by his room, he would have probably shouted back something.

His room was probably bigger than Jensen’s family living room. No, not probably. Definitely. 

Ah, he knew John was the Patriot kind of guy. The number of blue posters in his room. He had a three monitors setup, which had looked so cool until Jensen turned on his feet and caught a bed full of clothes. 

Dude… 

He was no better than Jensen at all.

He was about to go look around, when there was a huffing sound coming from somewhere inside the room. He turned round and round on his feet, trying to work out what the hell was that sound, until he saw something came out from under the bed…

“UAaahhhhhhh!!!”

Jensen rammed headfirst on John’s dad when he zoomed across the hallway.

“Jensen! What’s wrong?”

“There’s a lion inside the house!”

“A what!?”

And just because his luck was shitty, the thing had run after him too. Jensen threw all his pride out of the window and jumped behind John’s father’s back. 

“That!” He pointed his finger on the furry thing.

“That? Oh, there you are.” John’s father laughed and knelt down on his knee, calling the thing over. “Have you slept in John’s room again, my cutie bear?”

The thing rubbed his head over John’s father’s hand. And for crap sake, it was even bigger than him.

“Jensen, this isn't a lion. This is Beast.”

“Beast?”

“Yes, our family’s dog. He’s a Tibetan Mastiff.”

“He doesn’t look like a dog.”

“What are you saying? He’s the cutest thing ever. Aren’t you boy?”

Okay, John’s dad was hotter than a Christmas turkey fresh out of the oven, but there was something seriously wrong with his eyes.

That thing he was petting, was a deadly creature of hell. 

The dog suddenly barked and ran off. Jensen swore a part of his soul had left his body.

“Oh, Jason’s home. Let’s go down.”

They went downstairs after the dog. Halfway down the staircase, Jensen saw him, finally. There was no leather jacket this time, only a long coat. If he had looked like a cool biker last time they met, then this time, he looked more like a businessman. More like someone’s farther. 

“Honey, John. I’m home.” He shouted while setting the grocery bags down the floor to pet the dog.��

He looked even bigger, up close. Jensen hurt his neck trying to take a good look at him. Slicked back hair, black and grey from head to toes, gold watch, and gloves. That was so unfair, not only did he look like an attractive killer, but he also dressed better than two-third of the people in this city.

“Hey, Jay.” John’s father went over and went on his tiptoes to kiss his...well, other father. Okay, now Jensen understood why John addressed his fathers by name sometimes, this got really confusing.

“This is Jensen.”

His father pulled off his gloves and smirked. “Hey, young man. You’re having fun?”

“Ye...yes sir.” Jensen blurted out of nowhere. Okay, he did not mean that! 

Both of them stared at Jensen like he had grown a second head. 

“Okay…” He glanced at his husband and pushed a bag onto his hands. “How about you help me bring this in the kitchen. Straight to the living room then turn right.”

That was a save. The last thing Jensen needed was embarrassing himself even more, so he dashed into the kitchen without looking back.

Surprise surprise, he found John there.

“Dude! I told you to stay in my fucking room!”

“Excuse me, asshead. There’s a fucking lion under your bed! And everyone is OKAY with it! What the hell is wrong with your family?!”

“First of all, Beast is a beauty, don’t you fucking dare insult him. Second, you’re the one that begged to come here. You think I want you drooling over my dad and then soon get a blood and bullet talk from my other dad?”

“Why… just, why do you always have to say it like your dad is a serial killer?! Just because I like your dad doesn't mean you have to act like he’s the fucking Red Hood.”

“Oh ho no, you fucking take that back.”

Outside the living room, Jason and Dick hid behind a wall poking their heads in watching the two boys screaming their necks at each other.

“Are they fighting in the kitchen?”

“They are fighting in the kitchen.”

“I have frozen berries and fishes to put away and they’re screaming and swearing in the kitchen.”

“At this point, the swear jar’s gonna earn John enough for a convertible.”

Dick shrugged. “Or two minivans.”

“Haha, right… You’re not gonna actually buy our son two minivans instead of a convertible, right?”

“It’s money from a swear jar. It’s supposed to be a punishment.”

Jason looked back and gulped. “Babe, the fishes need to go now. Beast is sniffing through the bags.”

“Break them off then.”

“What am I supposed to do? Pretend the house is on fire?”

“We have an automatic fire distinguisher system. That’s not gonna work. Pretend you want to show him your gun collection, also, give him a talk about alcohol and drugs. You know kids this age.”

“Dick, I’m starting to think you want me to play the bad guy. Is it not enough with our alter egos?”

“What are you talking about? The JL loves you.”

Yeah, they loved Jason so bad they sprayed holy water after each step he took inside their facility. The Lanterns called them Hades and Persephone behind their backs, for Christ's sake.

“Honey, I think Beast took one of the fishes out. Beast, buddy, spit that out. Yours are in the freezer.”

“Alright, that’s it.”

Jason walked into the kitchen just in time when the boys had each other’s collar by their fists. Great, boys would be boys, they said. Well, boys would be animals if not educated, he said.

Nobody got to bleed in that kitchen except for Jason.

“Gym room, now.”

Jensen looked over John. “You guys have a gym room?”

“Oh just shut the fuck up.”

Jason pushed the swear jar at John’s face before hushing both of the boys out of the kitchen. On the way, he held Jensen’s head with both his hands just so the boy didn’t see how Dick sweet-talked Beast to give him back the fish in his mouth.

________________________________________

It wasn’t until all three of them stood frozen staring at each other in the gym room that Jason realized he had no idea how to handle this situation. 

Usually Dick was blessed in this category, and Jason’s best impression in loosening the knot was pulling out the gun and turning all attention on him.

“So um… you play anything, Jensen?”

The boy looked over John like he was begging for help before answering. “Overwatch and LOL...”

“He meant sport, dumbass.”

“Oh… not really...”

“Huh, so you’re the bullied kind.”

“Dad!”

“What? I’m just being honest. You looked like the type that gets squeezed in a locker or gets clothes stolen after PE.”

Okay, John wasn’t going to admit it aloud, but both of those had happened to Jensen before.

“Don’t get offended by it, okay? John used to lock himself in the bathroom for 30 minutes before he figured out the door opens the other way.”

“Oh.My.God. Dad!!!”

“What? It’s not even half as embarrassing as the time you got in the washing machine just because you saw 10 bucks in there and the door slammed shut so Dick had to get you out.”

“Okay now you’re doing this on purpose. Pop!!!”

Jason was pretty sure it was Dick John was calling on top of his lungs. And yep, it was Dick running at the door a few seconds later.

“Who died?” was the first thing he said. When nobody seemed to be dying, he put a hand over his chest and waved off them like they had jumped scared him. “God, it’s just you three? You made me think grandfather bought Walmart or something.”

All four of them stared at each other. And the first thing Jensen could think of when he turned over to his best friend, was pity.

“Dude, you’re gonna die a virgin.”

_________________________________________

Lunch was grilled tilapia on lemon, chicken salad, soybean paste soup and cold noodles, with a blueberry New York cheesecake for dessert. Okay, that was what John’s dad said. Jensen didn’t even know what the hell was a tilapia until he tasted it. 

One more thing Jensen learned today, rich people equal healthy home-cooked diets. Honestly, tofu had never tasted that great in his life until now.

“So, um, you’re a stay-at-home dad, Mr. Grayson?”

John’s dad smiled and took a sipped of his white wine. The way he drank oozed refinement of someone who lived on the top of the hierarchy. “It does seem like that, doesn’t it? No, actually I’m not. I’m on the board of advisory for Wayne Foundation.”

Wayne Foundation. Of course he was in Wayne Foundation. 

“Really? That’s so cool. My parents and I have come over the building sometimes. It’s always a change of sight in the urban area.”

“Well, it conveys its positioning even on the visual aspect. I only visit the office every now and then though, I mostly take care of things at home.”

“Wow, that’s so admirable. So, what do you do?” 

John’s other dad coughed a little when the question hit. Jensen wasn’t being rude, was he?

“Don’t choke on your food, honey.” Mr. Grayson gave his husband a smile that raised a little hair down the back of Jensen’s neck.

“Well, how do I explain… I take care of shipments and cargoes, in and out of this city and some others.”

“You mean, like, trade and logistics?”

“Yes, somewhat like that. I’m surprised, not a lot of kids your age know those terms of words.”

“Dad, he’s half Asian. Not knowing something is kinda insulting.”

“Yeah right, who am I kidding. He’s not you, I’m sure iGEM couldn’t be easier than separating red and white in a laundry batch, right?”

John turned beet red in a second. Jensen wasn’t sure how to react to that. But, because he was a good person with a kind heart and the will of a hero, he decided to save his best friend's ass.

“So, what do you take care of mostly?” And they were back on the game.

John’s dad coughed again, this time he relaxed himself by chunking down his glass. “Substance…. Medicines. All good things in life. I help the medical industry a lot. And also...adult...limited... equipment.”

Adult limited equipment? He didn’t mean sex toys, right?

This time it was Mr. Grayson choking in his drink. 

“Aaand also I run a liquor shop. That’s right, I have a liquor shop, a French restaurant, a motel, two garages and a newspaper booth. And also an instruction compan-Ouch!”

What the…

“Nothing. I just...bit on my own tongue...” He glanced over to Mr. Grayson, who calmly ate his food like he wasn’t even interested in the conversation. 

“...I thought you work in trade and logistics.”

“A man can multitask, young man.”

“That much?”

“Hey, nothing is impossible if you know how to dream big and work hard.”

“Wow, that’s so inspiring...Hold on, last time John told me you work in the supply sector.”

“Okay, who’s ready for dessert?”

__________________________________________

Lunch was a disaster. If grandpa suddenly visiting with an out of character announcement and a heart to heart talk was a third-degree disaster, this was a fifth-degree.

Now not only John was gonna die a virgin, he was gonna die a lonely virgin. 

Now that they found peace in John’s room and finally, finally, got to studying, a new problem arose.

Was it John or Jensen was being too cool with everything?

“Jensen,”

“Hold on, I’m wrestling with number 9 on Earth Science.”

“You already got to number 9?”

“Hey, I skipped 5 and 7.”

See, he was acting totally normal. And that got John’s pants all twisted. 

He thought about it, really. If he was Jensen, he would be taking this so easily like this. It was just the other day when he half-joked about wanting to visit one of the Wayne Towers… Well, now he had skipped all the steps and jumped his ass on the penthouse on top of one of those buildings. 

John was still fidgeting for his words when there was a knock on the door.

“Come in.”

Papa came in all dressed up with orange slices, ice creams and juices. “I hope you guys can catch a break.”

“Thank you, Mr. Grayson.”

“Don’t stress too much. John, if there’s anything too difficult, just call Aunt Babs or Uncle Tim, okay?”

“Okay.”

Jensen pulled John over and whispered in his ears. “By Uncle Tim, did he mean Timothy Drake? The ex W.E CEO?”

“Yeah, that’s my uncle.”

Papa went over to ruffle his head. “You and Dad take care of dinner tonight, roger? I forgot some papers at the penthouse so I have to go get them now. After that, I have a meeting at Wayne Tower until 7, so I’d probably be home late.”

“Okay.”

“You two have fun. And Jensen,”

“Yes?”

“You just tell my husband whenever you want to go home. He’ll send someone.”

He shut the door just in time for the two of them to hear him calling after Dad asking if the car had arrived. Next to John, Jensen’s eyes were glowing.

Ah, here they went again.

“He looks like he just walked off a runway.”

Okay, on his defense, Papa was a model every now and then.

“How many penthouses do you guys have?”

“Well, just this one and the one top of the Wayne Foundation buil...Hey, I know whatcha doing!”

“What I’m doing?”

“Yeah, that’s right motherfucker. You’ve been hiding it this whole time, but you’re secretly running through your head right. This and that and oh his dad is so handsome, his dog is so big and his other dad looks like the kind of guy who walks off an exploding car with a smoke in his mouth. Well listen here, you can snip those to Gotham Gazette or those Gotham Knight wannabes or whoever you want, my pop is a goddess and Beast is my boy, and my dad can parallel park his Hummer with his legs. Say whatever you want, I may be Princess Mia and you may be Lily, but you’re my Lily! You stick through this shit till the end, you hear me?”

John literally poured his heart out that his head was spinning a little. 

“Did you just refer us as The Princess Diaries?”

“You- you only got that?”

“Dude, you watch The Princess Diaries!?”

“Shut up! My dad made me!” He didn’t. Sorry, dad.

“Can you calm down first?”

“You calm down. I am calm!”

“Why are you yelling!”

And just when John was about to scream back, his dad stuck his head in by the door.

“I knocked, no one listened. You know I can hear you from across the hall, right?”

“Daaaaad!”

“Okay okay, geez.”

Once his dad left, they immediately forgot what to say. It was a break of flow, and John honestly didn’t know if it was a good thing or bad thing. So when Jensen picked up his Earth Science papers and fixed his throat, John knew they were back on the usual pace.

About an hour or two later, when John was biting his nails for a question, Jesen suddenly broke the silence.

“I don’t care, you know.”

John blinked. He almost thought he had heard it wrong . “What?”

“I don’t care about...well, all of this. I don’t have to come here to know you live a different world than mine. Your dad is a celebrity, J, and your other dad.... Well, whoever or whatever he does. I don’t care. You’re kind to me, and you’ve stayed kind even when you can have gone and become one of those guys at our school. But you didn’t, so if you don’t change, why should I?”

John lost his words. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Jensen, it just that… this was a lot to take in. Not even including the vigilantes part, Papa being who he was, Dad being who he was, and them being together and taking John in and giving him all of...this. It sure felt like the universe coming all at once for him. It still put him at daze thinking this was his life from now on in some sleepless nights. 

So he didn’t expect much from his friend. He couldn’t have. 

Guess he must have thought too little of Jensen.

“By the way, your toilet looks more expensive than my healthcare.”

Okay, John took it back. 

“Does this mean you’re gonna forget about the 20 bucks?”

“Oh hey, you owe me 20 bucks, asshole.”

“Oh come one, you live in a castle on the sky, just forget about it.”

“That’s not even my money. My parents gave me that.”

“Right… Hey,”

“Yeah?”

“Did I ever tell you I went to iGEM last year?”

John snorted.

“What’s an iGEM?”

___________________________________

Jason washed his face and came back with a warm towel. Dick laid spread on the bed, heaving. Just one of those rare nights they went to patrol on peaceful streets and got off early. Well, they better spend the spare energy for some quality time before hitting the bed for real, right?

“Water?”

Dick sat up and leaned over the headboard. “Thank you.”

He drank with eagerness when Jason cleaned him. He had to change the sheet after this. 

“You okay?” 

“Yeah.”

“Still hot?” He swiped Dick’s hair back and checked his forehead.

“Not anymore.” Dick set the bottle down and suddenly grabbed on his arm, pulling him down. The dry towel he set on the table was snatched and flopped on his head. 

Jason knew this cue, so he slipped off the bed, hung Dick’s legs on his shoulders and kissed his thigh as Dick dried his hair. There was a hickey there, just on his calf, what a shame he had to wear pants.

“You slipped today, did you know?”

“Well, gotta give that kid something to think about on the way home.”

“You didn’t have too.” Oh, but the way Dick said it made Jason understand he was smiling mischievously behind his back.

“You know, he’s a very nice kid.”

“I know. The best our punk can have in that school. This is exactly what we wanted for John, you know. Having a nerd friend, crushing over girls, getting bullied and going on fistfights and growing up from all of that. He’s had enough when he was on the street, I wanted him to at least live like a kid for a time. Gotham Academy may sound fancy, but he doesn’t belong there, just like I never did, he’s not gonna get to be a child among those silver spoon licking pricks.”

Dick stopped his hands and touched his cheek, looking down from where he sat on the bed. “I was one of those pricks, you know? The children aren’t...wrong. They just never get to live their ages.”

“I guess being born with a million-dollar last name means you come out of the womb with a speech instead of crying.”

Dick wiggled his toes when he hummed an old Romanian lullaby, the one Jason never knew the name, but remembered every melody. He used to sing this song whenever it rained big enough outside for nightmares to creep in, now? Simply feeling the familiar warmth by his side, did the trick. 

“You know, I never liked the Academy.”

“Really?” That was surprising to know. All the kids at the school never shut up about him.

“Yeah, some kids there were mean, and their parents were even worse. They used to call names behind my back, Circus freak, Gypsy boy, Esmeralda...”

“I’m not even sure if Esmeralda is an insult.”

“You should have seen the Principal’s face when Bruce threatened to cut down financial support if he couldn’t get the situation handled. And things would look worse on papers, right? A billionaire filing a complaint about his son’s study, doesn’t matter if it’s true or not, it’ll be bad for the school. So of course, Bruce was being Bruce, and him doing that only made the situation worse.”

“So what did you do?”

Dick leaned down and kissed his hair. “Nothing. I changed, made friends, became one of them. I survived.” 

Jason took the towel off his shoulder and climbed over his husband. Dick’s stomach was warm, his muscle was decent, but not too hard. Jason’s personal body pillow, very good to heal the soul.

“I won’t let anything like that happen to our John.”

“I know. But when it comes, let it come. I want John to understand how this world works. The sooner he learns, the less painful it will get.”

“It’s like learning Superman is scared of rock.”

“Oh leave Clark out of this. He could be listening.”

“Yeah? Well, I have a better idea.” Jason opened the drawer and took out a condom. “Why don’t we, let’s say, scare him away?”

Dick huffed but he rested his naked leg on Jason’s shoulder. “So young, but that’s a debatable idea.”

The night was still young, just like they were too.

[longitudinalwaveme]

Playing With Fire

The Flash stars in: Playing with Fire  

Dramatis Personae

Wally West, the energetic and cheerful third Flash

Iris Allen, a charismatic reporter, the wife of Barry Allen, and the aunt of Wally

Heat Wave, alias Mick Rory, a dim witted and surprisingly friendly pyromaniac

The Pied Piper, alias Hartley Rathaway, a Robin Hood-esque thief

Mirror Master I, alias Sam Scudder, a melodramatic thief and talented inventor

Script

Act I

(Iris is onstage, writing. Enter Wally)

Wally: Hi, Aunt Iris!

Iris: (Looks up from her paper) Hi, Wally! What’s up?

Wally: I was just dropping by to see my favorite aunt.

Iris: Well, it’s nice to see you. How’s my favorite nephew?

Wally: Aunt Iris, I’m your only nephew.

Iris: So? Can’t you be both? (Wally nods)

Wally: I’m doing great! How are you?

Iris: Wonderful! You see, I’m writing this terrific exposé on corruption in the mayor’s office, and my editor really thinks it could win me an award-maybe even a Pulitzer!

Wally: Wow, Aunt Iris, that’s awesome! The award, I mean, not that there’s corruption in the mayor’s office. I always knew you’d be world-famous someday!

Iris: In speaking of world famous, is there anything new on the superhero front?

Wally: Surprisingly, no. I haven’t heard anything from any of the Rogues for more than a month. It’s kind of nice to have a break, honestly.

Iris: I’m sure Linda and the kids appreciate it, too.

Wally: Yeah, it’s been great! It’s always nice to have more time to spend with them, especially since, with my speed, we’ve been able to tour half of Europe’s museums.

Iris: I never thought of you as a culture buff.

Wally: You don’t know everything about me! I mean, part of my charm comes from my air of exotic mystery! (Iris laughs)

Iris: The tour was Linda’s idea.

Wally: (Sighs) Yeah, it was her idea. How did you know?

Iris: Because you’re a terrible liar. Seriously, “my air of exotic mystery”? The only thing remotely mysterious about you is how you thought that that would be a convincing story.

Wally: All right, you’ve got me there. (Pause) But museums are so boring! Nothing ever changes, and everyone moves so slowly! In the time it takes Linda to look at one statue, the kids and I could  speed through the museum a hundred times, but we aren’t allowed to! It’s like watching sports, only a thousand times worse! It’s just too slow!

Iris: Everything is too slow for you, Wally.

Wally: I can’t help it! I’m a speedster!

Iris: So are Barry and Jay, and I’ve never heard them complain about museums. I don’t think this is a speedster problem. I think this is a Wally problem.

Wally: Because I’m impatient?

Iris: Well, yes, but also because you got your speed much younger than Jay and Barry did. Your uncle thinks that because of that, your powers had a greater effect on your body and your mind than it did on theirs-and that your kids will probably be even more affected than you are because their powers are natural.

Wally: Oh, joy. I’ll never be able to deal with two mes on steroids for fifteen years!

Iris: Look, if I was able to deal with a ten-year-old you with no powers, you should definitely be able to deal with your kids. You’ll be fine.

Wally: If you say so, Aunt Iris.

Iris: I do. If you can save the world, you can do this.

Wally: I think saving the world is easier.

Iris: So, what are Linda and the kids up to now?

Wally: They’re at the library. Linda’s been taking Jai and Irey to Storytime for about a year now, and they seem to like it. The only complaint I’ve heard is that they enter and leave the library way too quickly, but given their powers, that might be unavoidable, at least for awhile.

Iris: I’m glad your kids like the library. Bart avoids it like everyone in it has the plague.

Wally: Even with all the great comic books there?

Iris: Yes. He just seems to hate books on principle. He says that he has trouble processing words because his eyes move too fast for him to fully comprehend what he’s seeing. Did you ever experience that?

Wally: All the time! It was lucky that I liked to read books before I got my powers, because otherwise I’d probably never have opened a book again. Speedster brains work so much faster than average that if we don’t focus, it’s basically impossible to read anything, and since he was in the Speed Force for such a long time, Bart probably never learned how to focus. If you want him to read more, you’ll have to teach him how to focus first.

Iris: Could I employ your help on that?

Wally: Of course! Who do you think taught my kids how to focus?

Iris: Thanks, Wally. Barry’s been trying to help him, but Barry loves to read, and, like I said, he got his powers in his twenties. His brain chemistry isn’t as altered by his powers as Bart’s brain chemistry is by his.

Wally: Hey, no problem. What else are favorite nephews for?

Iris: In your case? Comedic relief.

Wally: Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all week!

Iris: (Laughs) Never change, Wally. Never change.

Wally: I’m not planning to, Aunt Iris. (Pause) Hey, are you hungry?

Iris: No, but I’d imagine that you are. Do you want to get a mid morning snack?

Wally: Aunt Iris, you read my mind. Let’s go eat!

(Exit Both)

Act II

(Pied Piper is onstage, playing an instrument. Enter Mirror Master and Heat Wave)

Heat Wave: (To Mirror Master) See, Scudder? I told you he’d be here!

Mirror Master: (To Heat Wave) How did you manage to find him? Even the Flash can’t find him when he doesn’t want to be found!

Heat Wave:  It ain’t really that hard, Sam. Our little buddy over there’s a bleeding heart, so when he ain’t with us and ain’t  in jail, he’s almost always on or near Baker Street.

Mirror Master: What does the Piper want with Skid Row?

Heat Wave: Where’s Skid Row? I just told you that this is Baker Street!

Mirror Master: (Sighs) It’s a figure of speech, Mick. “Skid Row” is just a term for a rundown, dirt-poor neighborhood like this one. Why would the Piper come here?

Heat Wave: Because it’s rundown and poor. Don’t you know that Piper gives everything he steals to poor people?

Mirror Master: Well, yeah, I know, but I didn’t think he lived with them.

Heat Wave: He lives with us , don’t he?

Mirror Master: We aren’t poor!

Heat Wave: Scudder, both of us are high school dropouts. Neither of us has ever had a legal job. We almost never get to spend the money we steal ‘cause the Flash busts us before we can. I grew up in a one-story, two-bedroom farmhouse, and you grew up….hey, you grew up here! In what world are we not poor?

Mirror Master: I had a Ferrari….

Heat Wave: That you stole. And that the Flash returned to its original owner after three days.

Mirror Master: Not the point! I’m the most skilled inventor on the planet! I invented solid holograms and teleportation and a weapons system more sophisticated than any army’s! I discovered another dimension, for Pete’s sake! I’m not poor! (Piper stops playing)

Heat Wave: You’ve never made money off of none of that, Sam. I know you’re real smart-I’m just saying that neither of us is real rich.  

Mirror Master: Okay, maybe not, but I’m not living in the slums.  

Heat Wave: Yeah, because prison is so much better.

Pied Piper: The two of you are aware that I can hear you, correct?

Mirror Master: HOW?

Pied Piper: My parents spent 20 million dollars on ‘curing’ my deafness with hearing aids, and they received their money’s worth. My hearing range goes up to 45,000 hertz, about the same as a dog’s, and is generally extremely acute. I hear everything, and even if I did not, you two were not exactly being quiet. (Pause) Why are you looking for me?

Mirror Master: Wait….your parents spent twenty million for one operation?

Pied Piper: My parents have a net worth of 55 billion dollars. They could have spent five times that amount and not even felt it. (Pause) But I digress. What brings you two here?

Mirror Master: You.

Pied Piper: My skills or my companionship?

Heat Wave: Both!

Pied Piper: I trust that one of you has a target in mind, then?

Mirror Master: Of course I do. You see, a certain Ms. Portia Storme, a famous actress and debutante, is coming to Central City to donate some of her jewelry to Central City’s History Museum at 2:30 PM but I think that those jewels would be a lot more useful to us than to any museum. I can get us into the museum, and then you can hypnotize Ms. Storme and the patrons long enough for us to steal the jewels and split. What do you think?

Pied Piper: And if one of the Flashes shows up?

Mirror Master: That’s what Heat Wave’s for. He’ll wait outside the museum and, if the Flash shows up, he’ll distract him long enough for us to make our escape. Once we’ve gotten back to my pad safely, I’ll pick him up via Mirror Realm.

Pied Piper: That sounds like a solid plan. I’m in!

Heat Wave: Great! The more the merrier!  

Mirror Master: Okay, now that that’s established, we can shoot the breeze for a bit. How have you been, Piper?

Pied Piper: Physically, I’m as fit as a fiddle. Otherwise….I’m homeless.

Mirror Master: Again? How’d it happen this time?

Pied Piper: Well, I actually bought a little apartment a couple of weeks ago, but then I ran into this couple who were raising their granddaughter because their daughter is addicted to heroin, and their apartment was falling apart, so I gave them mine, and I was going to get another one with money that I swiped from a movie star, but then I met this poor man who was suffering from some sort of mental illness, so I had to pay for him to go to a mental hospital, and then I gave the rest of the money to help pay for the cancer treatment of a young father with four little children.

Heat Wave: I’ve got some money saved up, buddy. Do you want me to give you some?

Pied Piper: No, but thank you. I’m young and quite robust. I’ll be fine.

Mirror Master: Yeah, until you freeze to death.

Pied Piper: It gets that cold here?

Mirror Master: We’re covered in snow for half the winter! Yeah, it gets that cold here! Have you never ended up homeless in the winter?

Pied Piper: Well, no. I was only evicted from the apartment I was renting with the money I took from my parents six months ago. My sporadic homelessness is a recent thing.

Mirror Master: Word of advice, then: don’t give any of the money from this heist away.

Pied Piper: What? Why?

Mirror Master: Because it’s already November, and if you don’t get a place to stay soon, you’re going to be out on the streets in the dead of winter.

Pied Piper: Better me than a child!

Mirror Master: Dude, your hypothetical child is ten times more street savvy than you are.

Pied Piper: And has none of the luxuries I was spoiled with as a child.

Mirror Master: So? They don’t know what they’re missing. I should know. I was one.

Pied Piper: And yet you now deny being poor so vehemently.

Mirror Master: (Pause, searching for response, but not finding one) Fine. Do whatever you want. But don’t blame me when you’re sleeping on the streets in that threadbare jacket in single degree weather!

Heat Wave: (Trying to change the subject) Hey, who wants lunch? After all, it’s never good to rob a  museum on an empty stomach.

Pied Piper: Well, now that you’ve mentioned it, I am a little hungry. Where were you thinking that we would go?

Heat Wave: Uh, whatever makes you guys happy, I guess.

Mirror Master: Hmm…. I’ll have to reflect on that.

Pied Piper: I didn’t really have anything in mind, either.

Heat Wave: Okay then. Um….how about that barbeque place that opened a couple weeks ago?

Mirror Master: Sure, why not?

Pied Piper: That works as well as the next place, I suppose.

Heat Wave: All right, then I guess it’s settled. We’re going to eat some barbeque!

(Exit all)

Act III

(Wally and Iris are onstage)

Wally: So, do you have anything else planned for today, Aunt Iris?

Iris: Yes, I do. Portia Storme, the famous actress, is donating some of her family heirlooms to Central City’s History Museum at 3 PM, and I found out this morning that Picture News is sending me to cover the story.

Wally: Portia Storme? As in the Portia Storme who starred in The Superhero who Loved Me ?

Iris: Yes, that Portia Storme.

Wally: Are you allowed to bring a guest? I'm her biggest fan!

Iris: No such luck. I’m attending for business, not pleasure.

Wally: Darn it! I’ve wanted to get her autograph since I was fifteen!

Iris: I wonder what Linda would think of that.

Wally: Aunt Iris! It’s not like that! I just think that she’s a talented actress!

Iris: And the fact that she’s widely considered to be extremely attractive has nothing to do with it, right?

Wally: Aunt Iris !

Iris: Don’t worry, Wally, I know you love Linda. I was just teasing you.

Wally: Oh. Okay. Then tell Portia hi for me.

Iris: I will. In  fact, I’ll even get her autograph if I can.

Wally: Thanks, Aunt Iris! You’re the best!

Iris: You’re welcome, Wally. (Pause) Oh, and would you mind telling your uncle where I am when he gets off work? I didn’t learn that I was covering the museum story until after he left for work.

Wally: Of course I’ll tell him!

Iris: Good. I don’t want a repeat of the “Flash Marathon” debacle.

Wally: The Flash Marathon debacle? What’s that?

Iris: You don’t remember that time that I was assigned to cover the Flash Marathon of 2010 at the last possible second and Barry didn’t know so he ran halfway around the world looking for me?

Wally: Oh, yeah, I remember that now! He took me out of Calculus to help find you!

Iris: Poor, dear, Barry. He was so embarrassed when he found out that I was fine.

Wally: He was embarrassed? I had to explain to my Calculus teacher that I had cut class to rescue someone who wasn’t in any danger and then I got detention!

Iris: That may have had something to do with the fact that you’d cut class the previous week to get Chinese food from China, Wally.

Wally: What can I say? I was-

Iris: Hungry. I know. (Wally vanishes and returns with food) Wally: Want some authentic fajitas? Or some escargots?

Iris: No, thank you.

Wally: Okay. More for me. (Eats food)

Iris: How does Linda keep up with your appetite?

Wally: Oh my gosh! Linda! I told her I’d pick her and the kids up from story time, and I completely forgot about it! I’ve gotta go get them! See you, Aunt Iris! Bye! (Exit Wally)

Iris: That’s my nephew. (Pulls out paper) Let’s see. Now, where was I? Oh, right! (Begins writing) “A careful examination of the city’s funds reveals that 20% of the city’s funds have been diverted to an undisclosed project which does not correspond to any known public works project that has been discussed by the city council. Detective Jared Morillo, who headed the investigation, stated that “We’re almost certain that at least one of the elected officials of the city has been misappropriating funds,” but declined to provide further details, so I did some digging of my own and uncovered a document that revealed that four members of the mayor’s cabinet have been funneling tax dollars into their own private accounts, and that one of them, Mr. Franklin Jones, failed to press charges of robbery on the Pied Piper out of fear that his own misdeeds would come under scrutiny.” This article is going to be great!

Act IV

(Enter Pied Piper, Heat Wave, and Mirror Master with a water bottle)

Mirror Master: (To Heat Wave) How did you manage to eat two buckets of that barbeque? My mouth felt like it was on fire after I ate one piece!

Heat Wave: You should try a ghost pepper sometime, buddy. If you thought that was hot, you haven’t seen nothing yet!

Mirror Master: I’ll pass. (Guzzles water) I’ve had enough eye-watering for a year.

Pied Piper: I’m so glad that I ordered the salad.

Heat Wave: You don’t know what you’re missing, little buddy.

Pied Piper: When I was seven years old, I had lunch with the President of India. That meal contained enough spice to put me off strong seasoning forever, so I am quite aware of what I’m missing.

Mirror Master: You’ve been to another country?

Pied Piper: (Embarrassed) Actually, I’ve been to twenty other countries, and to several more than once. My parents wanted to maintain their global connections, so the visits were a necessity.

Heat Wave: (To Mirror Master) His parents are stupid rich, remember?

Mirror Master: (Enviously) Right. (Pause) Well, if this heist goes right, by 5 PM tonight, we’ll be stupid rich too. Let’s get to the museum! Heat Wave, you’ll be alright by yourself?

Heat Wave: Of course I will, buddy.

Mirror Master: In that case, we’re set to go, Piper. It’s time to make some money!

(Cut to another room, where Iris is. Pied Piper and Mirror Master enter)

Mirror Master: (To Pied Piper) Where is everybody?

Pied Piper: (To Mirror Master) How should I know? This is your heist!

Mirror Master: (To Pied Piper) Captain Boomerang told me that Storme would be here at 2:30, so where is everybody?

Pied Piper: (To Mirror Master) Wait….you learned about this from Digger ?

Mirror Master: (To Pied Piper) Yeah. Why?

Pied Piper: (To Mirror Master; growing increasingly louder) Because he’s Digger! If he knew about a potential target and didn’t go after it himself, it could only be because he was drunk! He must have given you the wrong time!

Iris: Who’s there? The museum’s closed to visitors today! (Gasps) You!

Mirror Master: (To Pied Piper) Nice going. Now somebody knows we’re here! (To Iris) Hey, Mrs. Allen. Long time no see.

Iris: What are you two doing here? Pied Piper: Our intent was to steal Ms.Storme’s jewelry, but apparently we had some erroneous information and so we showed up before she did. What are you doing here?

Iris: I’m here to report on the donation of the jewels, and you two are under arrest.

Mirror Master: And you’re going to stop us from escaping how?

Iris: (Pulls out a gun) I’m licensed to carry a firearm, that’s how.

Mirror Master: YOU HAVE A GUN? (To Piper) This would be a good time to do some hypnotizing.

Pied Piper: (To Mirror Master) Before or after she shoots me? (To Iris) All right, we surrender. (Iris handcuffs them)

Iris: I’m so glad that Barry let me borrow those in case I ever needed to pull a citizen’s arrest.

Mirror Master (Aside) Beaten by a girl...this is so humiliating….

Iris: Really? That was way easier than I anticipated.

Pied Piper: Well, I didn’t want you to get hurt, Mrs. Allen. I really admire you. Your exposé on the plight of inner city schools was phenomenal!

Iris: You read my articles?

Pied Piper: Of course! Your crusades to better this city are worthy of the highest respect. You are quite as much of a hero as your husband, Mrs. Allen.

Iris: Why does a thief care about the betterment of anything? Pied Piper: Mrs. Allen, I only steal from those who can afford it, and, quite frankly, who deserve it, and only to give to those who need it. I may operate outside the normal legal parameters, but I only do it because working inside them will get me nowhere. The 1% control the system, so until the system is changed, I have to work outside it if people are going to get real help.

Iris: So why don’t you just help better  the system legally instead of breaking the law and getting yourself into trouble?

Pied Piper: Because someone has to help even the score in the interval, and, frankly, because it helps absolve me of my own guilt. I spent the first twenty-two years of my life living in scandalous luxury, without a thought for anyone but myself. My parents paid to cure me of deafness that would have been a permanent disability in anyone else, I had a closetful of clothes I never wore, I owned three cars before I could drive, and I had more toys than I could ever have used. My parents paid my tutors to ensure that I made high grades, and then they bribed my college to make sure that I was on the top of my class. If I’m on the streets and being thrown in jail now, it’s no more than what I deserve.

Iris: Do you mind if I record that? I always thought that there was something fishy about your family’s empire-other than you, I mean.

Pied Piper: You’d better not. My parents would pay through the nose to make sure that that story never got out, so there’d be no point.

Mirror Master: Uh, as much as Pied Piper’s daddy issues fascinate me, would you mind calling the police or the Flash already?

Iris: Oh, right. (Pulls out phone) Hey, Wally, I have some supervillains for you to pick up. (Pause) What, are you surprised? I didn’t become a famous reporter by being timid. (Pause) Yeah, I’m just fine. (Pause) No, no one else was in danger. Mmm-hmm. Uh-huh. (Pause) No, I’m not going to fight supervillains on a regular basis. I just happened to be in the right place at the right time and facing the right morons. (Pause) All right. See you soon. Buh-bye. (Puts phone away) Back to jail for you two.

Mirror Master: I’m thrilled . (To Piper) Let’s pretend this never happened, okay?

Pied Piper: That sounds good to me!

Act V

(Heat Wave is onstage. Enter Wally)

Heat Wave: Hey, Flash! Seeing you really burns me up! (Shoots fire plume in the air)

Wally: Heat Wave?

Heat Wave: Yeah, that’s me! I hope you aren’t going to fight me, because that would be-

Wally: Playing with fire. Yeah, I know. Heat Wave: (horrified) You stole my pun!

Wally: Hey, you know what they say: It takes a thief to catch a thief.

Heat Wave: But you’re not a thief!

Wally: Yeah, I am! I stole your pun!

Heat Wave: (Laughs) Hey, that’s pretty good. You should’ve been a comedian! (Shoots fire at Wally, who dodges)

Wally: That’s what my aunt tells me. So, what are you doing here?

Heat Wave: Making stuff burn.

Wally: Well, yeah, I can see that, but I know you can’t be operating alone, because where there’s smoke, there’s fire, and when there’s fire, there’s you, and when there’s you, there’s the other Rogues. What are you guys planning? (Dodges another blast from Heat Wave)

Heat Wave: Stay still! (Misses again)

Wally: Why, so I can move out of the frying pan and into the fire? No, thanks!

Heat Wave: Hey, stop taking all my puns before I can use them. I don’t have that many!

Wally: Aww, stop being such a hot-head, Heat Wave!

Heat Wave: I bet you think you’re so smart! Well, you won’t feel so smart when Mirror Master and Pied Piper escape with all the loot they stole because I distracted you!

Wally: Oh, so that’s why you’re here. Well, I hate to break it to you, but they’ve already been captured. (Takes Heat Wave’s gun)

Heat Wave: They’re captured? I gotta go rescue them!

Wally: Uh, you might find that difficult without this. (Waves gun)

Heat Wave: Hey, give that back!

Wally: Nope. Finders keepers. (Handcuffs Heat Wave, then brings out Pied Piper and Mirror Master) Here’s your pals. If it makes you feel any better, you get to go back to jail with them.

Heat Wave: Hi, guys!

Mirror Master: Hey, Mick. I guess you got caught, too?

Heat Wave: Yeah.

Mirror Master: Ugh, I don’t believe this! How did we get defeated again ?

Heat Wave: Don’t feel too bad, buddy. You know what they say: If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again! We’ll get lucky eventually.

Mirror Master: Shut up and let me mope.

Pied Piper: (To Wally) Tell your aunt to keep up the good work, won’t you? Wally: Um...sure. And just so you know, my offer still stands: serve your time and then help us help people the right way.

Piper: I’ll...I’ll keep that offer in mind.

Wally: Great! And we’re off! (Exits with them, re-enters alone. Enter Iris) Great work, Aunt Iris!

Iris: Aww, it was nothing...and hey, I’ve got a guaranteed front-page story! (They high-five)

Wally: You know what? All that fighting made me hungry! I’m gonna go eat! Love you, Aunt Iris!

Iris: I love you, too! (Exit Wally) Ooh, just wait until I tell Barry I defeated two supervillains!

[sometipsygnostalgic]

Adventure Time Reviewed: Season 1 part 1

As promised, I’m going through the Adventure Time series. I’m going to write brief reviews for each of the eps as I watch them, in groups. 

Slumber Party Panic to Prisoners of Love

S1E01: Slumber Party Panic

This made an outstanding choice for a first episode, even if it wasn’t the intended premiere, because SPP shows you a brief package of what themes the show would keep through its run, rather than just a brief adventure.  It’s really funny that the first appearance of Princess Bubblegum in the series is her raising the dead, it being a big mistake, and her lying to the candy people to protect them and describing them as ignorant, then making a 12 year old keep a royal promise.  This ep shows Finn’s early season character - an amped up, anxious kid who wants to keep everyone happy but sometimes can’t. And it has Jake trying to pry the information from him, because from Jake’s perspective it is out of character for Finn to keep secrets, and he is also messed up after finding Dead Mr Creampuff’s sock with Finn. (Mr Creampuff and Manfried are both in this ep, and they will continue to be the funniest retcons of all time to me)    What was absolutely retconned after this ep was the brokenness of the Gumball Guardians. It’s hilarious that Bubblegum programmed them to go apeshit if someone breaks a promise to her. If only they could have frozen time during the final battle against GOLB. I liked the part in ETDBIDK where you have to answer a maths question while dodging their attacks, even if it went on a bit too long.   The ep also subverts its message. Bubblegum asks Finn if he learned about the consequences of breaking promises, but Finn says that if he breaks promises he can go on AWESOME ADVENTURES and REVERSE DEATH ITSELF, and PB goes whatever, youre too cute to yell at.  

The music in SPP is surreal. Seriously, listen to this ep. The tension it creates when Finn is told to make a royal promise because the zombies will explode, and how the music so naturally swings with the mood of the ep. Excellent score!

As Jake said,“This is messed up, but cute!”  

S1E02: Trouble in Lumpy Space

This is the introduction to LSP and to Lumpy Space. Lumpy space is a beautiful if rather barren environment. I do think more could have been done with it in AT, because there are not many episodes that take place in space.  One design choice I found SUPER COOL in this ep is the sun has a green halo around it. I can’t actually find the sun again, I even looked on the wiki but there are no images, so it must have appeared for a brief instance. But it looked great!  

LSP as a character was always incredibly selfish, but she also has this vibe of being a teenager who dwells far too much on teenager feelings. She NEVER takes anything seriously, unless it’s teen drama. And you can see that in full effect here.  I love LSP. I love how much of an asshole she is, yet she has this sort of charm, because she’s so spiteful but in the teenage idiot kind of way rather than in a genuinely malicious way. It’s like she doesn’t understand right and wrong and is driven by pure instinct. And she’s voiced by Pen Ward! His LSP voice is the best. 

I love Finn and Jake getting lumpified. There is some great voice acting on behalf of Jeremy Shada to pull this off. 

Favourite joke: When Jake talks about how he might get lumpified, and if it happens Finn says he’ll bury him next to the treehouse, but Jake is alarmed and says he just wanted to be accepted, what did Finn think he was going to say? LMAO  

Other good one: “We were drawn back by your directionless fury. Here! PCHOO! Get your girl back!” “Yeah there’s no girl.”  

Finn in this ep is having some issues communicating. He ends up having an outburst at LSP, even though it wasn’t entirely her fault that the smooth posers took away the orb, it was theirs too. Finn was having a bad day. 

I wish Jellybeans Have Power started with PB and SP bouncing on marshmallows like in this episode rather than having tea in her room. That would’ve been a nice callback. 

Anyway, Trouble in Lumpy Space is great. These two eps are really good introductions to the series. 

S1E03: Prisoners of Love

I love the joke with the snow golem’s cat head. There is an immediate callback to the Pilot, with Finn and Jake having fun in the snow. I always liked how fun these scenes looked, they are very very rare later in the series.  There’s even a homage to penguin surfing, but the penguins are surfing on Jake this time.  Finn and Jake act like jerks to the Ice King for like no reason. “Do you know what Ice King means?” “A big nerd!” “Oh, holy cow!”  *fistbump*  

“There’s a big sleepy lava man in our front yard, and he is SO hot.” “Mmmhmm....” “Nonono I take it - I mean, not like SEXY hot--” “No, no you DO mean sexy hot!”  “NO! I mean---”  Oh Adventure Time. Gay jokes on episode 3, and these would continue throughout the show. But as soon as you imply two of your main girl characters are or were in love, suddenly the network hounds onto you like dogs :/ Rebecca Sugar herself said that it’s much more likely you’ll get gay content in if it’s presented as a joke, or Wrong somehow, like Jake and Ice King getting married later in the season. 

“Now now, I brought you a baby! And a PUPPY!” In his twisted way, Ice King thought the princesses would want to have Finn and Jake there. It’s also a good thing Finn and Jake got kidnapped because otherwise they wouldn’t have discovered Ice King locked up a bunch of princesses. 

Ice King himself is a fun character already. He’s not shown as doing outright evil stuff to Finn and Jake for the sake of it. He seems heavily misguided, and idiotic, trying in his weird way to make friends. Then again.... “IceKing - let the girls go! They don’t want to be here.” “Of course they do! I’d have killed them already if they didn’t want to be here! Right ladies?” Ice King I’m increasingly certain the only reason you haven’t been dissected on Bubblegum’s lab table is because of your connection to Marceline, but that is some late series lore. As for the early seasons, wtf dude!  

The flute song Finn plays in this ep is very similar to the one he plays in Lemonhope part 2. The Lemonhope version is more complete. “You broke it when we tried picking the lock to that sad ogre’s heart!” Oh my god that is such an AT line, you can imagine an entire emotional adventure based on that. 

Ice King has a drawing of Bubblegum on his keyboard... 

I love how the princesses are clearly quite traumatized by this affair, having been held for weeks, but the most Ice King did was ask them about their favourite sports, while threatening to kill them if they didnt play the keyboard..... it’s like a parody of a twisted serial killer. AT’s dark humor is my favourite.  

Finn is a hot headed kid. He knows that the Ice King needs some kind of help but doesn’t know where to start. He knows he’s probably too young to understand. But Jake hasn’t got the patience to help. 

Cosmic Owl’s first appearance!!!!!

[2manyfandoms2count]

Dear Chat Noir

Sigh... I really wanted this to be a one-shot. Desperately so. And then I wanted the premise to fit into one chapter. I really did. And then for both premise chapters to be ready before @auyeahaugust was over. Oh well.

Here’s chapter 1 of Dear Chat Noir, my ML Penpal AU (day 25 of AU Yeah August). Chapter 2 should be up soon!

Read on AO3

---

Chapter 1: Of mysterious findings

If you asked Adrien Agreste to describe himself, he would have said he was a somewhat normal child. Should you ask anyone else, their answers would range from “who?” to “a child prodigy”. 

Adrien lived a secluded life in his family’s mansion, away from any distractions, as his father called anything that wasn’t piano practise or fencing training. Every school was considered a waste of time for his son’s intelligence, leading to private tutors to be taken on to satisfy Gabriel Agreste’s education standards. Adrien’s experience of the outside world was limited to being driven to these activities, if they couldn’t take place within the four walls that surrounded the Agreste Hôtel Particulier, and a weekly Sunday evening walk at the Jardin du Luxembourg with his bodyguard. The latter was the only tradition he’d managed to maintain after his mother’s passing. It wasn’t the same without her, but he did enjoy the fresh air. 

He’d also had a brief time in the spotlight as a model for his father’s fashion brand, but Gabriel Agreste had not looked on his son’s increased freedom and contacts with people his age with a favourable eye, and had restricted any unnecessary interactions.

Adrien was therefore left alone with his thoughts most of the time. Part of him wished he could go out more and meet other children, but he knew from his father he was very lucky to be living the life he was. And it was true he couldn’t really complain: he lived in a palace, by Parisian standards, was well fed, well dressed, and was receiving the best education he could ever hope for. Some people had it a lot worse than he did.

Still, he found himself dreaming that one day, maybe, he’d have a little more freedom. With no one to talk about it with, his father’s assistants all siding with the man who held the money if he tried to confide in them, Adrien had taken the habit of putting his thoughts to paper. It had been sporadic at first, but had soon evolved into a daily exercise. He sat in his bed at night, his gigantic room only lit by a little flashlight, and poured out his emotions.

Dear Plagg, the boy wrote that night. He had started addressing his letters to a fictional friend to make himself feel better. Once upon a time, he had tried journaling, but had soon discovered his inner thoughts were not as safe as he’d thought they’d be in the little notebook he kept in one of his fencing trophies; he’d noticed pages had been torn from flicking through them too fast, some had been cornered to mark certain parts, clearly indicating he wasn’t the book’s only reader. He’d therefore moved on to writing his entries on loose paper, which he hid in a little tin box next to a fountain in the Jardin du Luxembourg. He’d soon taken to the game of writing the letters, even enclosing them in envelopes. Between two visits to the park, he would stash them in various locations in his room, making sure the seals stayed intact.

Adrien tried to vary the contents of his letters, even though no one would read them, and nothing particularly exciting happened to him on a day to day basis. He found it kept him focused on the small joys of his life, like when the cook smuggled him an extra croissant, a fragrant flower bloomed in the garden, or he spotted a ladybug on the window while studying. 

He signed the letter the usual way: Until next time, Chat Noir. He read through the letter again, satisfied with the result. Journaling really did wonders to improve his mood. Even if the negative feelings did remain somewhat, it felt good to “share” a little, even though his letters had yet to be found by anyone, or anything. The letter would join the others the next Sunday, and he wouldn’t think twice about it. 

Or so he thought.

--- 

“Tikki!” Marinette Dupain-Cheng chased after the turbulent dog, whose leash had once again escaped her hands while she admired one the Luxembourg statues. She wasn’t very good with dogs, but when her old neighbour Mr Fu had fallen ill, she’d bravely accepted to walk Tikki until he felt better. She’d figured it wouldn’t be very hard, given how calm the dog was. 

Apparently Mr Fu was an animal whisperer, though, because the dog had been nothing but excited since she’d taken custody of her. It was cute, but Marinette was also tired of running around, Tikki being particularly good at losing her in the park’s alleys. 

The young girl sighed as she saw the leash drag around a corner, and slowed her pace. She knew the Jardin du Luxembourg quite well thanks to its central location in Paris, making it a prime spot to meet up with friends. Tikki had just dashed into a dead end; the worst that could happen was her jumping into the Medicis Fountain, but she hoped the barriers that surrounded it would prevent that. 

Turning into the alley, Marinette saw her prayers had seemingly been answered, as Tikki was busy sniffing at something under a stone bench. The Parisian walked up to her, marvelling at the fountain as she did so. The leafy trees surrounding it provided a nice dappled lighting and welcome shade on the hot summer Saturday. The babbling of the water and its gentle sprays only accentuated the cool atmosphere. 

Marinette sat on the bench, picked up Tikki’s leash and gently tried to pull her out from under her seat, but encountered a great resistance.

“What have you found there, girl?” Marinette asked, slightly concerned by the dog’s pining. She leaned over and tried to determine what had caught Tikki’s attention, hoping it would be a lost ball. She had seen rats scuttle around the park a couple of times, and had no interest in coming face to face with one, whether alive or dead.

She looked down and saw Tikki was pawing at a tin biscuit box, pushed deep under the bench, almost in the little hedge that stood behind it. Marinette smiled and shook her head, reading the inscription from afar: Macarons. That dog really did only think with her stomach.

“You know you’re not supposed to eat those, they’re not for you.” Marinette scratched the dog’s neck. Seeing that it didn’t divert her attention, she sighed and kneeled down next to the bench, reaching for the box herself. “You know, I’m sure you’re going to be disappointed, I don’t know if you’re aware but most tin boxes these days don’t actually contain food.” She explained, although she wasn’t sure her audience was very receptive to her words. 

Marinette pulled out the box, which was a lot lighter than she’d expected. She shook it gently next to Tikki’s ear to prove it did not contain treats, and was surprised to hear a soft ruffle, like paper. She sat on the bench again and laid the box on her lap. Her hands hovered over it, hesitant to open it. 

She looked around suspiciously, watching out for anyone trying to pull a prank on her, or just its innocent owner, but the area was empty. 

I really shouldn’t open it, she thought to herself. The box looked quite clean for something that was hidden. It was probably used often, or had been dropped off recently. Had it been hers, she probably wouldn’t have liked to know someone had gone through it. Tikki licked the box gently, which Marinette interpreted as “no one has to know”.

“Okay, fine, I’m doing it for you. It’ll be our secret.” She nodded gravely at the dog and lifted the edges of the lid.

She didn’t know what she’d expected to find. Maybe a bunch of little trinkets, like in the movie Amélie. Perhaps a badly hidden stash of money. Whatever it had been, it definitely wasn’t a collection of letters, all sporting the same handwriting on the envelopes. Tikki looked into the box curiously.

“See, I told you so.” Marinette tilted the box towards the dog. “Nothing in there for you.”

She carefully picked the first envelope. It had the previous Sunday’s date on it. Nothing else.

She was about to look at the next one when her phone rang. She jumped at the sound, almost spilling the box’s contents as she did so, and fished the device out of her handbag. A picture of her parents appeared on the lit screen. Marinette looked at the time and swore internally. She’d been out for over an hour, when she’d said she was only going to be half an hour. She hastily put the letters back in the tin, and slid the latter back under the bench.

“Come on Tikki, time to go home.”

--- 

As she lay in bed that night, Marinette couldn’t stop thinking about the box and its contents. It had just been so odd for it to be there. Who, in their right mind, stored their letters in a public garden? Surely there were better hiding places in an apartment, or wherever the author lived.

Speaking of the author, she found it weird that there’d only seemed to be one, if she could tell from the neatly traced dates on the envelopes she’d seen. It therefore didn’t seem like a makeshift postbox, like the one in Little Women. 

She’d definitely have to investigate the matter the next day.

[deeeelightfuldee]

Your ex taps you on the shoulder and says, “I still love you.” You say? ooooof. I don’t think i’d buy that. I hardly think people who DO show they have feelings for me are being truthful, so I doubt that.

Do you play video games? haven’t in some time, but I want to get back into it a little.

Do you spend a lot of time with family? oh heck yeah. I have a really great family.

Is your house more than two stories tall? nah, it’s the two stories with a basement.

Have you ever hit your significant other? Has he/she ever hit you? I will never raise my hands to another human being. I once dated someone who was a veteran and had severe ptsd. we were napping one time and he got aggressive. that wasn’t HIM though. 

What makes you an attractive person? (Talk about your personality too!) physically, I suppose I have nice eyes and a decent smile. personality wise, I am warm, friendly, loving, supportive, sometimes funny, very loyal.

What color is your hairbrush/comb? depends which one I use. I have a pink one right now. 

What snacks do you have available in your household atm? I honestly haven’t got a clue. I haven’t been let out of my room in 2 weeks.

Has anyone recently told you that they like you, or find you attractive? yes. it’s weird.

Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? DEF not. he has been asking me out since we worked together maybeeeee.. 8-9 years ago? 

Do you care about anyone that doesn’t care about you? yes! I am trying to learn how to undo that. it’s not that I don’t want to care about him, but I know and can soooooooo clearly see that he doesn’t care anymore, and it is extremely emotionally draining to watch.

Was your last Facebook friend requests from a male or female? I wanna say female but idk

Which one of your relatives is most likely to embarrass you? scott

When was the last time you ate a bar of chocolate? couple days ago.

Do you play any games on Facebook? Nope.

What would you like to get a degree in? I have two degrees -- one in psych and one in SLP. 

Do you wake up a lot in the middle of the night? ahahahaha yes. almost always wide awake from 3-6

Would you prefer to read a book, watch a movie or TV show, or play a video game? typically more in the movie/show or book mood.

Do you usually get popcorn or soda at the movie theater? Both. nothing like that buttery, salty goodness that obvs requires an enormous drink

What genre of films do you like the best? either make me EXTREMELY sad, or romantic.

How many bank accounts do you have? 2

Have you ever had the flu? Yeah.

What is your goal for the next few months? i have several. the only one that can/will be public right now, is to get my lungs back to functioning as they were.

Have you ever had some kind of sleep-disorder? How did it affect your life? yes. I have very bad breathing during sleep. I have had 11 sleep studies done, because my breathing will just stop randomly, which luckily my brain wakes me. it doesn’t really affect my like severely.. I function normally. but shoooooot, if I got normal levels of sleep i’d be a force to be reckoned with.

Have you ever had food poisoning before? Describe the experience. Yes. It was AWFUL. vomiting for 2 days straight. it was so gross.

Funny, charming, cute, romantic, smart - choose only 2 for the opposite sex. smart and romantic.

Have you ever let somebody use you? Why did you do it? hmm. I think there have been times where i’ve let people have more access to me than they should have had. or there have definitely been times I’ve been used in school groups. But honestly, I tend to be protective of myself. I stop when I feel enough is enough. 

You can go back in time & change something in your mom’s past - what is it? I would want either Bill to not die, or for her to be spoiled incessantly by someone else.

Do you know anybody who is around the exact same size as you? Who? psh. no. my friends are all tiny which is just not fun.

Ever been to a haunted house? How scared were you? Yeah. i found it so fun.

Been on any websites today you wouldn’t want your parents to see? ahahahaha no. 

Which is worse: dusting or mopping? mopping. i hate doing the floors.

Did you pull a senior prank? Not really advised when a homeschooler. 

Did you graduate? Yes. that was a rough, rough day.

Have you ever been unfaithful in a serious relationship? Nope

What was the last song you listened to? i think it was Happier than Ever by billie eilish. the lyrics are ... woof. 

Are you one of those lucky people with 20/20 vision? 20/12 -- the last time I had insurance anyway.

Is fashion one of your interests? honestly, if I had money, it would be. but it isnt right now.

Do you think you’ll eventually find that special someone? It’s getting harder and harder to believe that will be the case. I knowwwww I need to start dating, but every time I go to open up an app, I hesitate and chicken out. I just was so happy before.. its hard to think I could be able to offer anything to anyone right now.

Do you care what people think? veryyyyyy few people. I care about the thoughts of those I genuinely love and respect. However, I still ensure I’m protecting myself regardless.

Is acting something you enjoy? No. 

What was the last thing you broke/sprained? I have a bum knee, so I sprain that from time to time. I last broke a finger.

Have you ever fought with a friend because of their boyfriend/girlfriend? Because of yours? ahahahaha yes. but years ago. never because of mine.

Has a stranger ever yelled at you for your language? No. I don’t cuss. 

Whose house, other than yours and your families’, are you most comfortable at? probably either nathan’s or em’s.

Has any of your friends’ family ever yelled at you? alix’s family used to yell at me a lot for being fat. that used to mess me up. 

Did you ever play a sport as a little kid? Did you enjoy it? soccer. no, i found the endless running to be unnecessary. 

Did you ever watch the show Full House? yup

Is there a celebrity you are just DETERMINED to marry? no, thats so out-of-touch with reality

Have you ever burned someone’s picture? yes, i have.

What’s the longest hike you’ve ever been on? i think it was 8 hours. I hate hate hate hikes. But, thats because I have really weak lungs, so my doctor says it’s like lighting them on fire.

Would you ever get a lip tattoo? No.

Who is the first person of the opposite sex that pops into your head? kile

Do your parents smoke cigarettes? my mom hasn’t since a teenager. I think my dad does still. though, i dunno for certain.

What does one of your T-shirts have written on it? uhhhh, PTK honors society

Name a pet you definitely wouldn’t want. Any reptile or insect. <<<< same

Would you prefer your partner smaller or taller? Taller. 

Do you enjoy going through old pictures? Yes. very much so.

Do you believe people when they say they don’t judge people? No, i respect people who are truthful saying they either try not to judge, or that they do judge despite their desire to stop.

What did you love the most about the town you grew up in? sooooooo much. it’s small town-y, quiet, safe, lots of trees, family close by.

What’s a movie you cried the hardest during? ps i love you will always shatter my heart.

What’s your favorite restaurant? buona or ashford

Is there a dessert you don’t like? im not wild about pastries.

What’s a book that you read because everyone else was reading it? hmmm maybe that one mrs. pettigrews home for peculiar children.

Underwater or outer space? i’m fascinated by both. typically more interested in the water.

Dogs or cats? both. all of them.

Kittens or puppies? kittens.

Bird watching or whale watching? whales!!!!!!!!

What was your best subject in school? in HS probably history. or science. in college, psych or neuro.

What was your worst subject in school? Math. always freakin’ math.

What is one thing you wish you knew in high school? Uhhh. hm. i don’t think anything. I liked my experience.

Who is your fashion icon? nada.

Diamonds or pearls? Both are nice. I love pearl stud earrings and I really want a simple, one pearl necklace. I am kinda ruined for diamonds for some time. My favorite rings and necklace were diamonds from kile and I just cant bring myself to wear those anymore.

What color dress did you wear to prom? pink

Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now? oh sure. I am envious of those with bangin’ bods. I’m envious of those who have great finances. I am envious of those who live life married to their love. I’m envious of people who see kile regularly. But there are difficulties that come with any of those situations.

Honestly, when was the last time you REALLY cried your heart out? not long ago. the whole crushing reality of losing kile just destroyed me. I’m OK now.

Do you need to return anyone’s phone call? ahahahahah. I just reject all calls.

Who are you closest to? My mom and nathan rn.

Have you ever had a bad concert experience? no

Are you currently sad about anything? several things have recently been really saddening, but I’m ok. Ill get thru it.

Have you had any form of exercise today? Its going to be some time before I’m cleared for that. I almost faint from taking a shower and I have to be on oxygen after doing the one flight of stairs. 

Can you handle blood? doesn’t bother me at all.

Has any place hired you underage for a job? yes. I mean technically, I was legal to work in that I was 17, but the company didn’t want to hire younger than 18.

Have you ever carried a concealed weapon? not like in public, but at a house or gun range, yes.

Are you currently searching for a job? soon.

Does eating breakfast make you sick? i’m never ever ever hungry for it. I know i should, but its the worst. I don’t even like breakfast foods.

[homosexualadventure]

every single lmam song, ranked.

i just finished listening to let’s make a music for the first time, and Oh My God it rocks. it’s a great podcast and if you’re reading this without having listened to it...i don’t know what to tell you. i don’t know what you think lmam means. but, that aside, if you haven’t listened to it yet: go listen to it! it’s not a crazy long podcast, overall or episode length-wise, so it’s manageable even for people who usually can’t handle podcasts (like me!) anyways, now that it’s over, what’s left for me to do with my time and energy that i used to spend thinking about lmam?

listen to the episodes again so that i can rank all fourty-one songs from worst to best, of course. so that’s exactly what i did.

i mostly ranked these on my gut feeling, because i didn’t come up with the idea of ranking it on a set of points before like...five minutes ago. there’s a bit of personal bias in here, so if you disagree with me on rankings, hey! send me an ask, or a dm. we can talk about it. 

so, now that that’s out of the way, let’s get into it! let’s...make a ranking. haha. that’s just a fun little lmam joke for you. 

41. the roquefort stank

this song only gets points for laura’s stanky noises in the background. i love laura.

40. shan’t he shanty

weirdly catchy. for a sea shanty, that is. that’s all i have to say.

39. well, i’m on child...

i do love a good gay song about polyamory but it just wasn’t enough in this case. truly heartbreaking. 

38. dog trash

i’m not a big fan of polka in general. that’s all i have to say. i don’t have to explain all my decisions. this is my journey. and it’s your journey that you’re taking with me.

37. echoes of wednesday

it’s not my favorite but i do think it’s sweet and i like all the laura vocals. also the zuko vocals. 

36. brothers in legs

not their best character song but it’s still a song you could quietly headbang to. i just don’t love full story ballads (there is an exception to this, you’ll see) most of the time. 

35. ol’ tim’s tricks

i’m not saying it’s a bad song, i’m just saying it sounds like it was once in a made for tv disney channel-esque movie about a girl who finds her calling in sports and friendship.

34. don’t give me that altitude

very queen-esque with general 80s vibes and i like that.

33. dreamless

if it was longer i think it would be a lot higher on the list, because it’s Good. but i don’t feel right putting a 45 second song above, like, tobie’s razor. still! i love the mellow, kind of sad and eerie tones of it.

32. holiday crime!

look i know this one’s fairly low on the list, hear me out: it’s a good song and it’s pretty memorable as well! but as far as holiday songs go, i don’t think it’s their best or most iconic one. laura’s laughing and beat in the back is absolutely wonderful and heartwarming, though.

31. mr. dad

this one gets a higher rating than the previous holiday song for its good good harmonica and because when i heard the lyrics “but you love to watch him go” used to describe mr. dad i almost toppled my chair backwards with me still in it.

30. mourning ritual

the biggest load of 1980s bullshit i’ve ever heard in this decade. somehow it’s also got a big panic! at the disco vibe and i’m not sure how i feel about it but it’s definitely Strongly There and i can’t deny it.

29. outback sadhouse

it’s RIDICULOUS how well they nailed the sufjan stevens vibe with this one. plus the restaurant dialogue bit in the back of the song really adds a lot. 

28. let down my better dynamite

it’s really easy to bop to and the instrumental in the background is FANTASTIC! jonah really killed it with this one. plus they talk a lot about rats in the episode which is nice for me because i love rats. also it’s the first episode with an instance of “brian does a bit”.

27. the tale of the greazzy creek

i just think it absolutely nails the vibe of a rural campfire grizzled old cowboy song while also being a really catchy theme song. like, i think you could’ve snuck it into holes (2003) and i would’ve been like, yeah, that sounds right. 

26. turn around and come down slowly

not one of their more iconic songs but brian’s voice is so pretty in this and it’s really soothing. 

25. ratless randy’s

i don’t know why it’s this high on the list either, but it is. ratless randy’s really IS the place to be, guys.

24. tobie’s razor

i will be honest. when i saw the title for this episode for the first time i just thought “occam’s razor” and as i type this i can’t even think of what that actually is, so..... anyways, i’d say this song absolutely NAILS the vibe but i have no idea what vibe it’s even remotely related to. certainly does nail the internal childhood monologue though. i think this song is the first one where they really started hitting their stride, also. not that it’s better than some of the earlier ones, but this one forward their songs were pretty consistently high quality. plus, and no one will be surprised by this by now, it gets extra points for laura. 

23. armoire of royals

it’s weird, it’s synthy, has a vaguely billie eilish-esque part near the end which is not necessarily a point in favor depending on your taste but it Definitely is surprising and cool, and it’s got fake british accents. what more do you need out of a song?

22. sybil’s night scare

the piano in this is perfect and fantastic and the comedic timing in the song is just right. jonah’s delivery of “they’re actually real human eyes” is so goddamn good and his singing is Also great and frankly i think we can all agree we’re fucking tired of him saying he can’t sing. i mean, i assume (i fucking hope) he’s stopped saying that by now considering he had the majority of vocals on silo by a bit but Still. it’s a good peppy halloween-y song.

21. chalice for your thoughts

two spooky songs in a row! honestly, i’m not sure what reasons i have for ranking this song as high as i did. i just like it a lot. they were able to include a lot of weird twitter suggestions fairly seamlessly, and it’s just soft and pretty. spooky, but still pretty. 

20. 21st blitheday

i admit it: i fucking hate the voice brian uses in this. but i really, really like the song. the beat’s very good and somehow brian still manages to sing the chorus well and make it sound nice even though his affectation is Stupid as hell <3 the background whistling is nice and his robot voice, which he’s used for several of his videos but i think most notoriously for scrundler in his week in revue series (here), is also featured. it’s a real bop, i think.

19. monday night boomball

i genuinely think this is their weirdest song, ever. it’s incomprehensible and it’s so fucking theatre kid of them, and it’s dumb as shit but it’s really funny and enjoyable and strange and i love it.

18. gentle light

this is a really good song. it’s not weird or funny, it’s genuinely just a really soft, calming, normal song. i can’t in good conscience rank it above the others for this reason, because it’s easier to make a regular song good than it is for a song about fucking a tree, but i want to be clear: i really love this song. it’s a song that you could fall asleep to, cry to, cuddle up in a blanket to, whatever the hell you want to do to it.

17. proud egg mouth

extra points for fitting the word “maw” in any kind of song, a feat i’m not sure anyone else has ever accomplished. also for brian actually singing with an egg in his mouth.

16. you can take that to the bank

brian does an incredible randy newman impression and i love him for it. also it’s just a good song! it’s not my favorite but it’s very pleasing to my ears and it’s well made.

15. rainbow trout eggs

i listened to a shit ton of colbie caillat in middle school and i can tell you with confidence that the lyrics “i feel so alive and i know that i’m happy na na na na na hey hey” would be in one of her songs. it’s a good song with completely ridiculous lyrics and it’s a better character/full story ballad than their previous ones, in my opinion. which is what you’re specifically here for!

14. car mitzvah

i think this is a song my dad would listen to if it came on the radio. i also think it deserves to be in an early 90s or maybe coming of age movie. brian’s vocals are fantastic in this, also.

13. dr. brims

“it’s a new year, Ha Hah!” this song is sooooo fucking funny and exemplary of a lot of their other songs that came afterwards. i’ve been saying that a lot i think. writing reviews is hard.

12. let’s make a music (theme song)

maybe it’s the emotional value of this song being the song i associate most with the podcast, since it’s the theme song, or maybe it’s just really good. (spoiler: it’s both but mostly the second one) the episode is also really funny in general and if you’re new to the podcast and don’t care about order, i highly recommend this one first! 

11. heartbreak in michael’s

a very very very good sad gay love song and i recommend it to the ends of the earth! because this is the internet, and i can!

10. arbor day!

you try making a horny song about deforestation.

9. why don’t you like our song title?

such a fucking bop and showcases their skill for just doing whatever the hell they want and STILL making a fantastic song or video or whatever. they just stop saying words in it and it does not take anything away from the song. could you do that? i mean...maybe! but for the sake of this review and my point i’m gonna be like fuck you no you couldn’t. moving on.

8. akimbo

the backing track in this is ABSOLUTELY what makes the song. plus that one video of brian strutting but technically that can’t affect my review of the song because Technically it’s not part of the song. anyways it’s really peppy and fun and enjoyable and Good.

7. heartbreak in michael’s (reprise)

it’s the perfect finale song. like, it genuinely sounds like the song that plays at the end of a romcom after everything’s finally worked out. i Did cry when i heard brian sing the theme song at the end but that’s just because i’m a sentimental son of a bitch. so besides that ending bit that i can(’t) guarantee will make you tear up at Least, it’s really fucking fun! it’s upbeat and happy and i think they made the right song to go out on. or to go on a hiatus on, if brian’s website is to be believed. i don’t believe it, but hypothetically, y’know? hypothetically...

6. debutaunt ball

if the met gala doesn’t make this their theme song i will personally burn next year’s event to the ground, i swear to god. also it’s a good song to show off both jonah and brian’s range. it’s not like a lot of their other songs but it’s SUCH a banger and i adore it.

5. madame zamporium’s wax emporium 

fuck yeah. learning that the “ooh come on baby” from several unraveleds came from a let’s make a music is the reason i finally started listening to the podcast in the first place. but BESIDES that, since that’s not a reason for my ranking (just a fun little fact about me!), this song slaps a ridiculous amount. they went insanely hard and it’s the first song they made that really sets the tone of the podcast, which is: great comedy, great high production music. 

4. alan rickman’s edible zoo

GOD! the anti-celebrity, anti-capitalist rock song i’ve been waiting all my fucking life for! also it’s anti-america but only in one lyric. but in Another sense....throughout the whole song. PLUS, and most importantly, it features jonah’s literally and i mean LITERALLY impeccable alan rickman impression. like, it’s fucking bulletproof. alan rickman was in the goddamn room. 

3. horsecar!

look. when this song started playing for the first time i went...fuck no. in general i don’t tolerate country or cowboy songs very well because they just don’t sound appealing to my ears most of the time. i put up with country road only because of a funny mario edit someone made of it and now the original song has more value to me. this is relevant only because the same thing happened with horsecar! in that the chorus KICKS ASS. i may make a post on just my favorite lmam songs and also this is already a crazy long post so i won’t go into it too much but i will say this. the shock value of going from the first verse in this song to the chorus is...........Incredibly high and it Works So Fucking Well! it literally makes the song. and not even just for the short term value of Oh My God That’s A Twist, it lasts through the whole song. i’m listening to the song as i type this and i’m currently at the country/cowboy part and i don’t hate it because i know the chorus is incredible. in fact, i’d argue that the chorus on its own may be the best thing lmam ever made, even better than my two actual favorite songs of theirs. i’m definitely going to have to make a full post on this. (SIDE NOTE: BRIAN’S VOCALS ARE FUCKING CRAZY AND HORSECAR! IS ONE OF THE BEST EXAMPLES OF THIS. his goddamn RANGE!! SIR!!! his falsetto is literally ridiculous my pants are OFF)

2. dragon me to this wedding

this is what i meant when i said there’s an exception to the “i’m not generally a fan of full story ballads”, because this is one of my all time favorite lmam songs. as in, it’s in the top three. which i guess you can tell from it being number two in the top three. in fact, it’s probably one of my favorite songs in general. the first time i listened to the episode i went back and listened to the song again three times in a row, and all three times i cried real tears. it’s GAY it’s REALLY PRETTY and i LOVE IT. 

1. save 2 4 tony

so we’ve finally made it to my all-time favorite lmam song. maybe it’s that i recently graduated myself and so this song hits a little harder, but it also just GOES hard. i genuinely think they peaked when they recorded this. it’s one of those bdg songs where you’re listening to it, you’re just chilling, and it’s like “yeah wow this is nice!” and all of a sudden he hits a falsetto and you go “oh FUCK that guy can SING!” literally his vocals in this are incredible and it’s very fun (and on brand) that the Oh Fuck moment here is the line “tony hawk babeyyy!” plus jonah killed it on the backing and composition and everything. it’s the best let’s make a music song and i won’t take constructive criticism.

[fairytsuk1]

trainwreck | part one.

pairing: katsuki bakugou x reader

genre: fluff <3

warning: none! swearing lmao 

words: 1,670

summary: your train is late and your eye just wont drift away from a certain explosive blond

a/n: cute shit for my baby <3

    His body language is the first telling sign that this handsome stranger must be pissed. It was only a glance at first, which delved into two. Then about five minutes later you were peeking above your book to really see this person making you chuckle under your breath.

     His sagging pants made a laugh bubble in your chest and the disheveled dress shirt just made him look...droopy. He was droopy and just looked weird. Sort of like he tumbled out of a tornado and randomly decided to go to school. You looked back down at your book and skimmed over the neglected words, a fantasy novel that was definitely a copy of a copy of witches and magic and the same stereotypical tropes. Who needed fantasy books anyways? At this day and age, everyone having quirks made everyday life like a superhero fantasy movie.

     His arms cross again and he rolls his neck around. Oh, you were staring again. You dog-eared your page and shut your book, you were way more interested in this “character” standing right in front of you! A ringing noise sounds through the station and a sharp head turn makes you very aware of why this man was so troubled.

     The train to Kokoshi Prefecture was late. Very late. So late in fact, you’d have to be a track star to make it to your class on time. Had you really missed the delay announcement? What had even happened? Hell, you wouldn’t have minded a thirty minute delay, school isn’t too terribly interesting. But an hour? That’s absolutely ridiculous! Who’s manning this station?!

     “...Are you fucking kidding me?” A snapping sound similar to the cracking of knuckles with a mixture of popping balloons was barely heard over the rickety station ambience. “Absolutely ridiculous.”

     You and this stranger shared the same sentiment. You didn’t even realize you were mean-mugging the digital sign until you turned and saw your reflection in the coffee-colored glass of a work booth. The man inside said booth raised an eyebrow at you and a hot flush of shame washed over you. The angel on you shoulder prays he didn’t take it personally. The devil wants you to strangle the man. The station was nearly empty at this hour, most of the people here were students as well. Either texting or napping, everyone had the same displeased expression. Now you wished you had just gotten a coffee like you had wanted to twenty minutes ago, the boost of energy would’ve been nice as a yawn overtakes you. Staying up late was definitely taking its toll on your body, knees weakening during the yawn.

     “You going to Kokoshi too?”

“Huh?”

     Closing your mouth, you stupidly looked up at the boy and let the first word you thought of run out your mouth. Huh. He tilted his head and the gritty train tiles could have swallowed you whole without complaints.

     “I asked if you were going to Kokoshi Prefecture. You know, on the train that’s one hour late?,” he casted a mean look at the station worker, the man through the glass turning in his chair to disguise the fact he was most definitely not working, “I was just asking ‘cause you’re...y’know, wearing a uniform and everything. Nevermind.”

     Rejection. He looked like he was mad and a little embarrassed too. He thought your silence meant rejection. Shit!!

“No, ah, I’m taking the Kokoshi train too! But I was just confused because you didn’t seem like the type to strike up conversation…,” he looked at you plainly. Did you just offend him? “Oh! Well I didn’t mean it like that!! I just meant ‘cause you seemed so wrapped up in your uh...energy that I didn’t think you were gonna come over or at the very least…”

     Rather than hearing a scoff or even a swear shouted your way, he barked out a laugh and turned his head sideways. He laughed. He laughed!

     “So you were watching me? Stalker. Yeah I’m pissed off! U.A.’s gonna have my ass but how else can I get to school, I thought the train’d be faster. Turns out it’s the exact fucking opposite…”

     Popping sounds came from the ground and you became distinctly aware of the burnt caramel smell. You took a quick look down and instinctively took a step back, explosions?! From. His. Hands. Wow, whatta quirk! And did he say U.A.?! Wow, he was basically a pro hero in the making!

“I know what you mean! I mean, I don’t go to your big fancy school or anything but my campus is huge! Now, I might as well not even go...So are you like a hero yet? Well what about your year? How old are you?”

     Please don’t be a third year and about to graduate!

     He almost looked flustered, the tinge of pink in his cheeks could’ve been from anything on his smooth cheeks, but the deep redness at the tops of his ears told you all you needed to know. His eyes flitted down, you had definitely gotten closer from the excitement of talking to a cute boy, if you used your quirk a bit more, you might have even noticed if he focused on your assets or not!

     “I-Uh-A first year. And don’t you know how being a hero works? You gotta get a provisional license first! Then you can blow up as many villains as you want!...What’s your quirk anyways? You’re way too excited this early in the morning.”

     Katsuki felt weird, his chest felt warm and he could distinctly feel the moisture on his palms and fingertips. You were a pretty girl, sure. Maybe it was the fact that you went to a different school, it was new for him! That’s it! He wasn’t nervous, what the hell would he have to be nervous about? You’re just some girl anyways.

“I’m Y/N L/N! Don’t forget it future hero, shout me out when you get famous. I’m a first year too and my quirk is called analyze! If I have a certain amount of caffeine, I can read people’s body language like I've known them for years! It’s actually awesome. It’s not as cool as your explosions though. Those are something else.”

     Oh. That was it. Now he knew what it was, he scrunched up his face and looked away from your overwhelming presence. He didn’t like you, you were just cute and you’d complimented him and...you smelled like honey. Maybe if he just ignored you, you’d go away.

     “Oh yeah? What am I projecting right now, nerd?”

“You’re feeling like you might be...well I don’t know! You’re complex, a couple minutes ago you were shy and now you’re a little nervous and something else. I haven’t had any coffee today, so I can’t read you. I’m sorry about that!”

     It was humiliating, this cool (and attractive) guy asks you to show him your quirk and you can’t even do that?

     “I’ll buy you a coffee.”

“What? Really? I don’t even know your name…”

     “Shut up and take the offer! I’ll buy you a coffee so I can see how actually strong you are. And didn’t you watch the sports festival?,” a boyish grin rose on his face and the sight made your heart melt, “It’s Bakugou Katsuki!”

     Humming, you repeated his name and watched him nod before facing forward once more. It rolled off the tongue in an odd way. Bakugou had such sharp consonants and seemed fiery, it sort of suit him. But Katsuki...that suit him for sure. The starters of each syllable were gentle and reminded you of other words like whipped cream or honey.

“I like your name. It’s a strong one, I’ll be sure to remember it!”

     “No one’s ever said that before. You’re kinda weird you know? I mean, how marks their book pages like that?”

“Hey wait a minute! I just didn’t have a bookmark on hand! Plus I bought it so there’s no harm really! Well maybe a little but nothing long-lasting.”

     “Sure. You heathen,” he carried an amused smile on his face and took a step forward, “here it comes.”

“What?”

T .    he train burst out of the entrance like a rocket, lights shining into your eyes yet also casting a dim yellow glow over the whole station. The wind from the sheer speed of it whipped you in the face and for a split second it’s realized that if you had stood any closer, you might have been blown backwards. You jacket bristles at the contact and a frown dons your features when you realize that this was the end. Well, maybe the beginning of the end of your love story adventure. 

     Bakugou stood proudly, legs in a proud wide stance and his arms crossed as he quickly stepped up to the platform and then onto the train. He turned and jerked his head back, motioning you to be his accompaniment. Hoisting your backpack up even farther, you squeezed through those small sliding door with the rest of the people in the station.

     He said nothing and sat in the closest seat, conveniently leaving the two next of him empty as he looked as you expectantly. Even if it wasn’t meant to be friendly, you couldn’t deny the fact that his sharp glare made you feel a little weak at the knees. Clutching your bag to your chest, you sat so close your knees were touching and your heartbeat thumped like a rabbit’s foot in your chest.

“I actually don’t like riding the train. But…”

     “Don’t get started. I don’t wanna hear your mushy shit.”

     You deflated a bit.

“But yeah, it’s not so bad if you’re around, loser.”

     You smiled and played with the ripped hole in your bag. Who could read who again? You couldn’t even tell anymore as the universe made itself known in the piece of gum he handed you that, indeed, this would not be your last meeting.