#its hard to live with them honestly
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Thinking about how people get older and they change but it’s like for the worse lol
#txt#esp when it’s a family member#im just like: wait a minute i kinda dont like you…#its like that ladybird quote i love you but i dont really… like who you are becoming…#anyway i have said my piece and they think they haven’t changed at all#but they definitely have i’m not bout to be gaslighted in this household#they have started to have such a short fuse for the past fucking year and its like#you have no right to act this way lmao#like its not right for u to be like this#its like that complicated thing of they are generally still doing good things and being like nice persay but#the ugliness comes through too often#ugh family’s complicated#its hard to live with them honestly#it really is distance makes the heart grow fonder#i have never loved my family more than when i wasn’t living with them 💀#the irony is not lost on me#its just sad i suppose#but all things will pass#and eventually we’ll be on our way…
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I'm always pushing you away from me / but you come back with gravity / and when I call, you come home
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk leaks#yuuji#megumi#deleted scene gege told me#god im not over 266 i will never ever ever be over 266#im so incredibly unwell abt them i cant believe this is the timeline we live in#itafushi friday....itafushi everyday.....#decided 2 forgo my usual miku and broke out the emo playlist fr this one . breaking my own heart :3#how many itfs embraces do i need to draw until i successfully manifest it in canon#gege i beg i plead pls let them H U G#they r so traumatized they r so touch starved pls hug pls contact pls Holds/Is Hold#anyway if megumi's height is inconsistent no it isn't <3 if he looks like 2 completely different ages no he doesnt <33#......kids r Hard guys gomen i tried my best#honestly it's probably not even that bad i think its the arm angle in the first one thts throwing me#i had to play around w it so much that i think im just tired of looking at it#megumi voice whatever !!!!!#thats not important the important thing is Itafushi Hug#and i do believe i met my quota in that regard#also yes my pen pressure Is still dying thank u fr asking but i did this fr them Anyway pls clap
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Happy Birthday to Ferdinand von Aegir!
I actually made 33 emotes, affectionately known as Aegirglyphics to some, for my own personal use on discord. However, I figure why not share some of them! They're free to use for discord servers/icons/pfps or whatever. However, my only request is Do NOT use them as subscriber emotes on Twitch. You can make them free follower emotes but you are not to make them locked behind a paywall.
#fe three houses#ferdinand von aegir#discord emotes#i thought long and hard about this bc idk the actual want for emotes i made ages ago but#i still love my son and its his bday ad so i should be nice and share#since i no longer have nitro and can no longer use them myself#the fact i can technically post 30 at once was tempting but#some of them arent living up to my standards and also just might not be easy to use in most contexts#so those im gonna skip on lol#whoever wants 21 aegirglyphics tho have at em#i think i might have posted some before? but only 10 and i dont recall which ones#if you want a secret the last three and the middle on the second row are my favorites to use#i used concernednand (the upper one) so much#the internet concerns me guys it was a valid use every time#debated sharing heartnand but honestly the world could benefit from it imo because gotta spread that love#fun lil trivia i love making emotes and so when i was in a server and people knew me as the ferdinand fan and artist#someone was like why hasnt salmon made a ferdinand emote yet#and im like bc i dont run the server and i cant just demand they add my art#and then a mod was like i didnt wanna put pressure on salmon but i thought about it so i was like bet#and then drew a server exclusive happy ferdinand emote#and that was the start of me somehow being able to have like.... ten emotes in that server#some of them were just me joking and then mods encouraging me#cause i used to use felix for every single art prompt theyd give and one week someone said the prompt was pog#and i just was so upset because dude why would i wanna draw felix for that hes not pog#so a mod was like hey if you make a pog felix emote we ill add it to the emotes here#so i once again was like bet and then posted it and then they really added it lmao#anyway sorry for so many rambles please feel free to use them on discord in whatever server#i cant really expect everyone to credit me but also im not really concerned since i fear people know my nands a mile away
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keeping rats for long enough really does become dozens of little studies in different ways to react to loss. literally every time it's hit completely different.
#honestly im partially considering taking a break for a while after my current rats all eventually pass on.#i really love keeping them but its so hard living in regular anticipation of a dozen little griefs
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"Death is nothing, but to live defeated and inglorious is to die daily."
+ process(tw blood)
Also, look at him, bloody little guy 🥹
This drawing was inspired by several matador pics :D here and here:
^ I don't think I'll ever live up to the second one ah. There's several pics of that specific guy just soaked with blood, and I'm uh a bit obsessed with then ITS FUCKED UP I KNOW OKAY! But I've not drawn blood in a while so it was a bit difficult so I added less than I would want to I guess. Also I'm obsessed with how often they kneel in bullfighting?? Like okay who are you arching your back and spreading your legs for-
#ah not 100% sure abt this one but i think i still like it!!!#i was practicing matador poses during the wknd and im like yeah should prob paint one#and then it felt like all the energy left my body djfkkglg i was like ugh how do i paint again?????#mostly: just really wanted to draw him bloody#i love how every time i draw him in ferrari colors its just the most eye bleeding thing ever#my eyes get too used to it on my ipad's display and im like aw this isnt red enough :(#and then i transfer it to my phone and it feels like the red suddenly is hurting my eyes even worse djfkkglg#im glad the blood turned out well. i honestly think it was probably easier bcs the clothes are red already#but yes yes suffering ferrari nando. hes my comfort character atp 😭😭#perfect catie drawing: depressed ferrari fernando. blood. napoleon quote#anyways yeah lmk! i think it looks okay?? idk i think i just love the first 2 matador drawings i ever did#and its very hard to live up to them. but whatever. we move on#im glad i did a more complicated pose at least ?????#also god i was somewhat annoyed w his face and then i redrew his eye and it was like OH OKAY suddenly good okay#tw blood#<- i would put this drawing under the cut but like. my blog i do what i want and i want to draw blood#i used to draw bloody stuff a lot more but ah idk less opportunities now sjfkkglg so it was kinda nice#catie.art.#f1#formula 1#fernando alonso#matador au
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At this point the only thing keeping me from adding other characters from mcyters into this world is the fact that it would, eventually bring me to the point of "Xornoth and Scott's little sibling, Aimsey" and at that point there is no salvaging the original storyline.
It's a whole separate au that I'll have to come back to after this one is more or less done
#rivendell siblings#rivendell siblings extended edition#i have to talk myself down from this every other day or so on average#xornoth#aimsey#guqqie would be an axolotl hybrid from the ocean kingdom for the record#who ends up being somewhat awkwardly courted by the youngest prince of rivendell and its v cute#owen is scott's only non bird or sheep friend#lauren is his only OTHER non bird or sheep friend#and also a member of the rivendell council#xornoth hired her specifically because she will yell at them without hesitation#look i have put THOUGHT into this okay#martyn is doing SOMETHING im afraid to think too hard about it tbh#hes probably harassing jimmy whatever else hes doing#honestly just might make a oneshot for all this#the au of the au#Beky would be in the swamp because osmp lizard origin lives rent free in my head#Eloise has won the soup eating contest at the rivendell county fair for five decades running#Michela is Aimsey's partner in crime the way Owen is Scott's#i can keep going but this tags essay is getting long rip me#rain rambles#smajor1995#marriage of state au
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I literally don't care what you ship in One Piece as long as you get the dynamic right
#one piece/ one piece art is my life blood#I need it to live#I personally don't like zosan At All but I'll reblog your art if I like the style or you get the dynamic right#I'm not that into Luffy x Zoro but basically everyone who draws/writes it has gotten them perfectly so fuck it like kudos reblog#honestly if Luffy ends up with anyone I'll be disappointed cause I project onto him so hard#but you're all right. aroace people can be in relationships and so long as he be acting like luffy I don't give a shit#I actually LOVE Law x Luffy. its my go to Luffy ship#but I realised a while back its cause Law is 'my type' and Luffy is the character I am most like#plus they cute together and I love enemies to lovers where only one of them thinks they were ever enemies#I don't understand a Lot of the reasoning behind most ships in one piece but god damn do I like your art style#I've read so many fics where crew members are together that I'm like. hm weird. but like you got the crew dynamic So Perfect I literally do#..not care its going in the bookmarks#one piece#artemisposting
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i have so many things to say but at the same time i am speechless. i've been sobbing and crying for the whole day straight. i have never thought a day would happen when i would feel this way because of a person i have never even known in real live the only regret i will have is that i didn't have a chance to meet him in person and just say "thank you. for inspiration. for dreams. for everything". i wish i did discover them much earlier but alas.
Reita, my dearest, may you rest in peace 💔 you will rock forever 🔥
#i am still in denial#it took me a whole day to proceed#literally the first thing i saw in the morning was “hey your favorite person have passed away”#literally yesterday i got so many gazette interactions for the first time in awhile and wanted to get back into a fandom oh dear#i didnt suspect anything yesterday when i saw his tweet like awww rei-chan is feeling nostalgic it seems me too NOW IT IS SO SUSPICIOUS#he was a reason i got into vk#he was a reason i finally started learning japanese#he was a reason i wanted to move to japan just to see their lives more often#i wish i did visit at least one#i literally started listening to them a month later they were in a world tour in 2019#its been five years and it's finally seemed like lives are getting back but oh boi my dream of seeing them all together is none existent#i hope other members are fine#ruki is the main concern honestly he lost two closest friend so recently#i dont wanna speculate but i just hope everyone on is gonna be okay#and i know reita would be so angry with all of us being so sad because of him but it is so hard to comprehend#i still have so many things to say#reita#the gazette#れいた#ガゼット#visual kei#vkei#v系#ヴィジュアル系
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natla is not perfect, not the best if i’m being honest. it’s just okay (better than the movie) and this is me without my puritan glasses on. casts were good, i especially like how dallas nailed zuko’s awkwardness lol, and i appreciate their dedication to do their own stunts. vfx and costumes were great. the writing tho… this is the reason why i stopped watching live actions in general. i’m aware that adapting a book or a cartoon is hard and it doesn’t have to be 100% accurate but if you’re gonna add or remove stuff at least make it make sense and ties the whole story together.
the only reason i want a season 2 is because of my girl TOPH 😤
#random ramblings#the casts and vfx saved it for me#and some of the additional scenes#but other than that it’s quite lacking AND they somehow ruined the complexities of the characters#i guess this is just a modern thing when it comes to adaptations#a show can be woke and don’t compromise the storyline okay!#atla already is ahead of its time when it was released#maybe it needs some tweaking and that’s what the adaptation should’ve fixed#i will stop nitpicking lmao#i honestly have a lot of things to say especially with how writers are trying so hard to conform in modern society’s standards#this is why i haven’t watched pjo yet cuz i’m afraid i’d get disappointed#disney failed me multiple times already and netflix is behind them#natla#atla#avatar the last airbender#avatar live action
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if i might bitch about work for a second: yesterday was hellishly bad despite being able to keep up with it and i found out that apparently our department made 4600 dollars yesterday which is making me angry beyond belieffffffff
#this is math i do fairly often bc i enjoy ho-hum math and hate my job and like#even if we took off 2000 bucks for overhead costs which feels excessive but i will concede it#that would be enough to pay everyone working a little over 860 dollars which is 300 more than what i make in a WEEK#literally WHEREEEEE IS IT WHERE IS IT GOING WHERE IS IT#i dont like following this logic through because on days where there are fewer orders we;d do less#and i disagree with gig work's implementation as ive seen it and i think that would stress people out worse than we already are#(which is significantly)#but at the same time. 850 dollars. i cant afford to buy groceries this week. 850 dollars...#can i get a BONUS or SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#it makes me soooo angry i was talking to one of the deli guys who asked for a raise and got denied mid-question#before our director accidentally showed him that their department is four thousand of gods own dollars under labor#its so revolting to me i talk to so many people in this store who are terrified because of medical bills or rent or car shit#half my department works two jobs just to get by and ALL OF THEM drive junkers#honestly one of the things thats scaring me about if i actually move out is that i do rely on...living with my mom#i pay for most of my own food i pay an absurd amount of rent to share a room with her but she's willing to drive me to work#even though i've offered to walk multiple times and she REALLY should prioritize her own time more#but at the same time...not having to pay for rides has been carrying me hard#if i got a car i'd be fucked because those things bleed money and generally ethically i disagree with cars#but if i dont its like okay pony up the money learn to navigate buses (except for sunday when they dont run) or get ready#to walk to your job where you walk all day and then walk home in the dark#which. i love walking. and listening to music on my own while walking. so bad example. but i also love not having my feet hurt#all the time always no matter what im doing which is something im becoming increasingly unfamiliar with#its like. ultimately. something's gonna get fucked no matter what#and then i hear a figure like 4600 and i remember how avoidable all of this shit is. how avoidable it is for ANY of us#our ceo is gonna walk away from this merger attempt with 5 billion dollars in safety-cushion money#the 10 top execs beneath him with 1 billion#and its just so. what can you even do. 5 billion. can a number like that even mean anything? how could you possibly need that much#850 dollars would be a lifechanging amount of money for me right now and im not even one of the worst off#its just. god. this world could be anything but what it is but its this and for what
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;~; (tags vent)
#i feel so lonely and i dont know how to fix it#im trying to engage with people. im trying ot take space. im trying but nothing is helping#and like im hormonal so i wanna cry about it today#and like this loneliness isnt for one reason only#there's no One Thing#but so so many things making me feel like i cant connect#and even wiht making progress and even with coping and even with reminidng myself its okay to just feel bad sometimes like#i want company. i dont want online company i want irl company. i want friends. and im so miserable about the fact that i struggle to#make irl friends - not bc im not a good friend!! honestly tehre's been plenty of opportunities for me to make friends is the worst part#between work; disabilities; energy; and like interests/things to talk about its really hard to make friends (and tbh the first three-#really are the biggest drains). and i love my online friends i do i jsut. miss them all so much when i talk too much and then it hurts more#and i lost a friend group recently so im feelng really out of place#nearly everyday for the last idk. 5 months i had a group of people going “hey. love you” (even if they didnt say it verbatim daily) and lik#im so sad! and the feelings are coming out today ig cause i havenothing to do at work so im just. here#but yeah - ik part of this grief im experiencing is YET AGAIN experiencing change and loss re:friendships bc of things largely out of my#control /: and every time this happens it just brings up every single wound#im talking with my therapist about it too i just. wish friends were more permanent in my life yk?#or at least that i had friends irl still /: but all my deepest connections are all So far away#and it hurts so much to miss ppl rn im just. isolating myself#but i dont awnt to TALK. i dont want to TEXT. i dont want to hang out on a vc. i awnt to be held and loved and just talked to about anythin#other than the stresses in peoples lives. i want people to infodump to me w/o me having to Beg or Engage Correctly#i want people to tell me about themselves. jsut fucking lore dump in my inbox. its not dumping. i dont care about trauma dumping. if you do#cw i guess i jsut. im so tired. im tired of the “haiiiiii love you!!!!!” i have to do over the keyboard to have social connections#im tired of being so disabled i cant make friends bc no one wants to be friends w/ me irl and all the reasons (“ur a flake” “u cancel plans#“u never want to go out” “u never have energy” “why do you disappear when you need to recharge it makes me feel bad?” etc etc etc) all#relate to me being disabled and like.i feel like the problem. my existence is a problem. and the worst part is all iwant to do is just.#go run errands with someone. do important tasks &get a little treat to celebrate after. go to the doctor. the hospital. wherever im allowed#i want ot be a PERSON#): i jsut miss my friends#and liek im going to a thing later this month to try and make friends irl even if its just exercise friends
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That cute feeling when you feel like everyone hates you and all of your friends would rather you stop texting them. I'm trying to be kind and remember other people have lives but it seems like they have time for everybody but me.
#dark academia#chaotic academia#romanticism#honestly it doesnt feel great#i sort of feel like shit#my friends kind of suck#but its fine#they have their own lives and i need to respect that but its SO HARD not to be a part of them#like youre in my head constantly and it seems like im only an afterthought to you#im fine tho
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also uh im kind of not thinking about it much because its insane. but if everything goes right (and i mean a considerable amount of things that probably wont go as planned) but if they DO... i will have a major surgery in like two weeks
#vertical sleeve gastrectomy to be exact insert nerd emoji here#i might document a lot of whats going on with it and even take some videos honestly#not to share here other than some oversharing text posts about probably constipation LMAO#but like no one shares whats it like to be mentally ill and go thru vsg and like the process and not many people as young as me get it#feels weird calling myself young on the chronically 13 year old website#but anyone that does post about it posts for like a year and then falls off the face of the earth#genuinely there are so many youtubers that start talking about this stuff#then you find their channel three years deserted and its like man.#i sure hope this means you found better ways to spend your time#and like okay time to get sappy and corny as hell in the notes so go ahead and skip this part idk who even reads my notes hello#but basically everyones that gets this shit is like you gotta find your why#and most of them have kids or like a husband or plans to travel the world or do better at their job#and none of those things really apply to me#i kind of have the perfect storm for being fat#i dont do anything work wise that encourages any kind of movement#im chronically afraid of planes and i cant afford that shit anyways rn#also not very good at romance LOL and never want kids and my entire family is also fat barring my brother#thats not to absolve myself of any of the blame for this shit either like i know i put myself in this situation#i just think like wow my life is pretty much perfect for staying fat but i DONT WANT THAT#I want the highlight of my week to be more than eating takeout man#i want to live life instead of meal to meal to something better#idk what yet maybe jewelery piece to jewelery piece#i could do some serious kandi making while im down for the count#but i dunno man my therapist tells me that in order to feel like a person and not get tired of life i have to do people things and#participate in life yknow?#and its hard to do things like go to the gym talk to people explore fashion styles when i have this overloomingness of being fat#so i guess that could be my why? like i want to experience more of life#i want to be able to walk in a mall and look at all the stores. i want to walk in a mall period. cause it fucking hurts the way i am now#thats all to say the actual “why” that i have is Goddamn it i want to be able to jump from a swing#and not break my fucking ankles
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Talking to [leftist/socialist/progressive/whatever] white people as a brown girl is always an experience
#🐈⬛⚜️#A couple weeks back I was stopped by these uni students who were promoting a convention and advocating for Palestine#I was really sad and tired then so I was like sure. let's chat#I signed a petition and began talking to these 2 girls#One was a white girl. the other wasn't. could not pinpoint her background though#Anyways. we talked about the state of the world and Palestine and how the US and by extension the Western World has failed them#(which is a topic of its own because the Western World did not 'fail Palestine' they literally wanted this annihilation to happen#and have been an active participant in it)#And I pointed how ultra rich Arab countries have completely turned a blind eye to it but poorer countries such as Yemen. Lebanon have#been doing so much. despite their own vulnerable position#And this girl said but they're still not doing enough. they could lend military help#I was just disappointed because it doesn't take more than 15 seconds to realise why a regional war is not the solution#By virtue of wanting justice. I would want the IOF to be blown up too but that's not the solution#simply because the casualties will be the civilians of all of these countries and we cannot put millions of people at risk#And she kept telling me about how they're a socialist group. and she was also kind of taken aback by how much thoughts I had about this?#They're having a convention on Socialism and co (social issues. Marxism and all that jazz) next month and that I should consider cominv#Then she hit me with 'The entry is only $90' and there's a student bundle where you can get a book and a tote bag#Honestly funny as shit#And she kept insisting I should buy the book. it was 'Introduction to Marxism' I believe#I did not know how to tell her that I did not want to read that. and even if I did I would just pirate the Communist Manifesto#Anyways. interesting experience and it did make me focus back on how different Brown Leftists and white leftists are#I like to give them grace because it's hard to know context and history and social rules about somewhere you haven't lived or grown up#But I do believe if you're advocating for another group of people. you need to learn and understand first and foremost#I actually don't know what to make of that whole interaction tbh
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hi again i ranked every parent i could think of in rezero based on parenting skills + how much they give a shit
#i forgot to add the dude thats now married to garf's mom but he would go in 'seems alright'!!#ALSO LIKE GARFS MOM... THE POOR WOMAN.... SHES LIVED SUCH A ROUGH LIFE LAJSLDFJ I HOPE SHE'LL BE OKAY... but also yeah um. rip fred and gar#bc their mom dipped. like to find garfs dad yeah but like. girl :((( but also the implications of How she had fred is. :((( honestly. maybe#for the best that that woman lost her memories.#fribal (theresias uncle) is only ranked that high bc he at least shows REGRET for his actions.... he apologizes to theresia as he dies..#the juukuliuses all seem like they were alright. rip daisy and klein though they died in that flood when julius was a kid ;-;;;#alviero is only present for like one scene in a side story but like. he seems alright. he def cares given he and his wife took in julius#after julius's parents died. and also alviero and maria have been taking care of joshua and julius... so they DO care but i dont think#alviero was perfect just judging off of. you know. how julius and joshua have turned out lajdslfjs. alviero is so gaslight gatekeep girlbos#and like overly concerned with how he comes off to others that you can see where joshua and julius got that shit from HAH.#heinkel is only up that high on the list bc felix's parents and roswaal exist. like its very hard to beat that LMAO T^T#and yeah rem and rams parents did not give a shit about either of them ngl.#rezero#WAIT I FORGOT TO COUNT RYUZU. SHOULD I HAVE COUNTED RYUZU?? PROBABLY RIGHT???
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is anybody else out there still creating twdg fanworks 😭📢 where is everyone please dont say reddit i cant go back there
#im gods bravest little soldier for following fandom tags but its rough in there#guess i should specifically say where are the twdg fans who didnt hate violet#sometimes i remember how homophobic (and racist?? in the lee and clem game??) people were during s4 (and still are on reddit/yt) and think:#maybe i should stop looking and just let the cool people find me#go knocking on enough doors and the devil may answer#but i want to see fanart 🥺#was only Slightly surprised by the misogyny because this is clems game series but hoo boy the misogyny towards violet......#ive gotten used to how quiet it is i gotta remind myself a dead fandom is better than an annoying one 💀burning shores reminded me of that#so hard being a wlw in video game spaces please where are my other wlw video game enjoyers i need to find u 😭#gotta draw some more ellie to lure them in like an angler fish#im honestly surprised how dead twdg seems to be esp with the way the final season ended?? its set up so well for fanworks??#theres a lot of unaccounted for time even before clem got to the school. and its set up that their lives could be anything now#is it just because people were burned so hard by seasons 2 and 3 that a lot of people just didnt even play 4??#or maybe they didnt even know s4 was un-cancelled??#because i know theres a lot of people who stopped after 3#but 4 is such a return to form. its like the other side of the coin to s1 for me. like if s1 was more hopeful instead of dreadful#it is Such a love letter to s1 honestly. imagine if telltale didnt shut down in the middle of production and they got a full budget.....#sometimes i imagine it... s4 with a full 5 episodes??? in my dreams. literally.#oof this turned into a ramble im just fandom lonely#twdg#it speaks
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