#its hard for me to keep track of time
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I can't believe she turns into a FUCKING bug and no one told me
#so insane to me that i haven't been spoiled about this 500 times from awesome fanart#that i had to immediately stop reading and spend 4 hours making this#anyway. i made the arms of the flight pack squidy cause by the time i got to them i was so sick of drawing buggy legs#wormblr#taylor hebert#my art#traditional#digital#i would've also added bugs around her but its almost midnight and im tired#oh also! originally she didn't have a buggy abdomen and her guts and intestines were kinds hanging out and flopping around#but it got really hard to keep track of it all and it looked stupid
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Some process gifs of my paintings this year!
#the art of a lemon wedge#art process#man#i love painting#moat of my focus on these this year have just been committing to loosening up#vary my strokes and just not over working a painting?#most of that just means trying to keep as much of that first painting pass#since its has the biggest strokes and most energy when i lay it down#and also#NO ZOOMING IN#AHHHH#all this is painted with my seeing the entire piece and just working from big to medium then small#which is good cause u can keep track of details and what youve missed but it also feels like a huge mess for so long#at times its hard to see where ur even going#my favorite piece i think might be my otacon one#i didnt include him in here just cause that piece is like....3 layers?#it very much feels like those how to books that are like. circle. now draw the entire owl#BUT thats literally how i figured it out#1. base 2. simple clean 3. fine line detail#i do eventually want to do a full recording but the thing is#i just dont want to ......#ahaha#but i do#its just the idea of constantly being watched you know?#despite me wanting to share it....#anyways#TO NEXT YEAR#wonder what ill make#:D
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📸 by Martin Trenkler
#max verstappen#autumn posts#AHHH THE NEWS!! I am so happy for him!!!! 🥹❤️✨#over the moon for them both ahhh#sending them all the best wishes!!!#and omg his comment about already being a bonus dad 😭❤️ MY HEART#he's so wonderful 🥺💞✨#also Martin is a real one for this hashtag 😳 hehe!#that glow ✨🌅✨#ahhh#I usually don't blog about drivers' off track / non sports lives as much since it's not my jam#but with all his talk of wanting to be a dad!! and how hard it seemingly has been? just awww my heart#our boy is speedrunning life 🏎️✨#sad talk potentially ahead but ............#if he does retire sooner than later I get it!! I'll be bummed but excited to follow his career wherever#just like Daniel like bro say the word and I'll get into supercars 🫡❤️#very Fellowship of the Ring 'you have my sword' type beat#anyways!! I gotta run to work!!#sadly office life is keeping me off the insta search 😭#this weekend I'll have a little time!! one family thing and gasp .... a date!!!!!#I met a gal last weekend a local gay bar and now we're getting brunch 😳❤️ we shall see!!#my heart is open and go with the flow#especially since Merc in retrograde has me 😵💫 hehe#anyways!! I gotta run!!#sending everyone the most excellent of energy and happy Friday vibes!! 💖✨✨#hope its a great time of day!! 🌇🏙️🌃❤️
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I made a similar post before a long ass time ago for the other three da protags but now it's time for rook, this time in poll format <3
as always feel free to ramble about your ocs in the tags!! 👀
#💾#dragon age#mostly threw this together bc i think it's a fun dragon age character development question#and i wanted to bring some oc community engagement to the dash today#community? comradery? positivity? idk#← rare moment of me not minding if one of my posts breaks containment#ive had this sitting in my drafts forever and kept forgetting about it so whatever. go my scarab#also i want to make a spirit version but i cant have 2 polls in the same post. L#anyway. for lleyth it's actually hard for me to figure out for once bc like i could see pride for obvious reasons including solas#but at the same time i think lleyth is... actually quite humble and does not believe themself to be any better or more qualified than anyon#like they dont want the position they're in at all and they doubt their own leadership skills constantly#and they do what they must bc they have to. not bc 'they're the only one who can (do it right)' like solas wants to believe ab himself#and i think people who make good targets for pride are people who would do anything for power. lleyth does not want that#which leads me to think they would probably be targeted by despair.#i think they are someone who is used to being forced to lock away their sadness and either turn it into useful rage or compartmentalize it#but there is just. a deep and profound sense of not belonging anywhere and doubting their place in the world/others' lives#and if they weren't the type of person whose instincts kick in like a failsafe and make them keep fighting no matter what#i feel like they really would be stopped in their tracks by an overwhelming feeling of futility and misery#and there are a Lot of miserable moments in lleyth's life a demon could use to manipulate that within them 😔#plus despair seems to be the polar opposite of determination. which considering spite really likes/is drawn to lleyth... yeah. yeah#and the fact that despair demons constantly single out rook in combat is like. haha whats going on there bud........#and i personally think the inverse of this question (what spirit would be drawn to them) answer would be determination#bc damn kid you don't know how to quit. you will punch up at the cost of even your own fists and it's admirable#constantly swinging at something bigger than you that you cant take down etc etc#*take me to war by the crane wives starts playing as i lean out over the balcony smoking a cigarette*#take me to war honey i dare you. i'll be the sweetest thing to ever scare you <3 etc etc#plus its also tasty to me to think about lucanis having to break them out of the Despair Mind Prison#by chipping away at all of the awful things they believe about themself. as payback#🫵 get loved and adored idiot
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Having to micromanage your entire physical battery day in and day out is so exhausting, especially when your ability fluctuates without rhyme or reason with every single day. I'm starting to have to reframe how I view and tackle my task lists because otherwise the grief and frustration becomes so much that I get nothing done. I'd love to complete the entire list today, but I'm gonna have to limit myself to ticking off two tasks just so I don't burn myself out to the point of being unable to do anything later...
#and even then thats no guarantee since i could feel super sick later without warning#OR maybe i feel superdupergood and can do them all no problem and THEN some#but then i also have to prepare for being bedridden after if i dont keep track of how much energy i burn#the event horizon of which ALSO changes daily lmfao#meanwhile people assume youre lucky or even privileged for this#as if being homebound for your safetys sake and spending most of the time being unable to really do anything#is anything worth envying. people assume youre resting when frankly youre just keeping your face above the water#i dont have a choice either. i gave up all my dreams and ambitions just for the sake of trying to survive for once#i WANT to have a life i WANT to have the power to be independent and not be at the mercy of others until the day i die#god sorry URGH its so hard to not feel sad and hopeless and almost bitter about this sometimes#its so hard not to feel alienated and embarrassed by the fact that you practically live in a different reality to people#people whose lives revolve around careers and working to the point where they cant comprehend you as a disabled individual#and what that means beyond the assumption that being chronically ill and overall impaired is a choice and moral failire#whether or not people are aware of that baseline assumption concretely#and i feel stupid and annoying for whining about this when i have so much to be grateful for#just. guhhhhhhhhh idfk. i SHOULD get started here but i can barely move out of bed#exhaustion is killing me i miss going on daily walks my house feels like a prison#i need to stop moping im already spiralling lmfao#trying not to close my eyes lest i pass out yet again despite having gotten more than 12 hours of sleep#cause apparently to my stupid body thats not enough to even stand up#silvi talks
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might sound weird to say as a person with a couple ocs who have Big Horrible Event(s) in their backstories or as a person who has like 3 ocs total bc he sucks at writing and as a person who hopes their ocs arent too Boring with [the thing im about to mention] but the thing about writing [characters] and [people] is that like.
any little thing a person experiences can take up their whole existence... its actually something "fun" to experience as i meet new ppl and do more things. My friend had something happen that she'll be talking about forever. I had several things happen last year that ill never stop talking about, some of which other ppl think werent that bad actually. In the same way I'll forever remember about the way my sister accidentally insulted me almost 10 years ago, it's really interesting and Fun to find and assign smaller things like that to characters...its really Real. some people's dealbreakers are other people's solvable problems etc etc
#(as well as the opposite: Big Event that maybe shocks everyone around em but they genuinely werent shaken by)#though this one is more common and leads to those ''ohh i didnt know that was normal oops'' moments#talkys#inspired by recent me and friend events#and also recent events where i told sum ppl more stuff about Thing and they responded as if it wasnt a big deal. but it was to me.#and also how i thought a part of al's childhood backstory was kind of maybe dumb and not realistically as impactful as id expect#but i saw someone on reddit almost word for word write that as their experience and how its shaped em as a person#and thats it like... the small things are boring and hard to keep track of sometimes#its not like you'll include every single little event your oc was shaped by in their bio#but idk. its like Fun to piece together for fun. to mold a human being#ykwim? wld be silly to tell everyone ''oh my oc struggles with self image due to many instances like... when their sister called em ugly''#or write it anywhere but it is fun to Know and have in your head. and its real !#just like if a friend told you about something that happened to em#long post#delete later#sorry i keep saying stupid obvious shit lately ive always been bad at oc making AND socializing so im learning everything late#but anyway yes. idk even as i keep making ocs that are ''similar'' its like. every person so different#people can react to anything in any way for any reason. i love people#this is why i struggle a bit with keeping ocs to archetypes i guess bc like. what is ooc for an oc. people contain contradictions all the#time. you can change yourself at any time.#ok nobody will read this far so ill go to the real insane rambling#part of this has been a part of my chats with talon while trying to get him to share more info#like. yeah ok you're 400+ years old the things that happened to you were such a comparatively small part of your life#but humans dont live as long and think about small things until they die. i dont think time would heal all wounds actually. not all of em#some thoughts just always come to gnaw at your brain. its ok to not be over things. i feel ill never be over some things#and also complainerism can be fun but thats something else entirely wee hee ^_^
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on some level I understand that welcome to hell is probably a little harder to sell than hazbin given the *gestures vaguely* entire main plotline of w2h THAT SAID im going to be mad about it forever. because one of them is actually funny and has good character design and compelling dynamics and a good plot and its not the one about the freaking hotel.
#literally hydrogen bomb vs coughing baby like nothing vivziepop ever writes will be as good as your first demonic possession#everyone who knows me irl is going to look away now because I need to be really mean about hazbin for a second#and I feel bad doing that because I know my wonderful friends like it. but its my god given right to be a hater on my Tumblr blog.#LIKE ive seen some of hazbin and helluva. theyre mid theyre so mid.#the plots are not compelling the characters have no intriguing chemistry#theyre throwing so much at you both character and storyline wise and its impossible to keep track of anything. theres no time to care about#anyone or any of their stories!!!#and they both rely so much on swear words/sex jokes for their writing and like. its just too much it stops being funny.#anyone who knows me knows I love a good swear or a good sex joke but dude theyre just so constant that they dont work#and it also cheapens the parts that actually try to get serious you know? the tonal whiplash just makes it hard to take anything seriously#like I honestly think if they took hazbin a little more seriously it could actually be good. like I get the oooo swears for adults aspect#but truly if they just bothered to write a good plot instead of forcing a million fuck jokes into it then it could work. but they didn't.#sad!!!!#okay im nice now. when my beautiful friends bring up hazbin I will bite my tongue and not even say anything a little mean#even though its bad and sucks. I will focus on the parts of it that could have worked. so that I can engage with their interests kindly#because all their other interests rule so hard. its just hazbin that I can't stand.
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love this animal. the saffron
#thinks abt them and cries forever (hasnt gotten anywhere near the oart where i will actually cry forever. probably)#like i JUST died to the king the first time and we're still in sillyfunny mode. i fear for this lads future#their Problems are beginning to set it tho .#n like. i already liked the group at first but theyre Really growing on me .. so so good#considering the way the game is im glad its not as repetitive as i was afraid of. tho it IS hard to remember stuff after a while#theres so many things to do and keep track of!!!!!! siffrin needs to get a notepad or smth my memory is just as bad as his#i was doing good w that part until we got to floor 3 ;; and theres still so many things in 1 and 2 to backtrack for.........#all in due time tho . and i still have a couple places where i need to use those star things at bc i got the right path first somehow.....#isat#isat spoilers#? i mean. the dying to the king first round is in the trailers so even i already knew abt that but. who knows
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#need to be held#everyone holds you differently....#so craving the kind of holding that you'll likely never get again because you got broken up with by that person is... hard. really hard.#17 days is not enough time to be better from a breakup.#i can act like im doing fine around others#i can fill my days with all sorts of things to do.#but in the slow parts#the parts filled only by my thoughts and my longing?#the hurt leaks out. drips and drops.#its not a thing where the hurt will ever truly go away. it meant too much to me for that. but i'll do my best to grow around it.#extra challenging part is that i'm trying to be friends with her still while my emotions are probly not processed enough.#i don't have a great track record of staying in touch with exes. i hope things with her turn out differently than my past times.#to those who have been reading these vent tag posts#sorry if i keep repeating the same things.#my sadness has a cyclical nature to it#or so it would seem.
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this is so funny to me actually bcuz this is 100% how i talk abt my characters ages. i know what YEAR they were born and i know what rheir ages are supposed to be at the start of the story but i dont actually know when it takes place?? im really bad at math. There was a moment where rainbow was supposed to be 23 and i somehow accidentally made her 17 lmfao
#theoretically it would take place in 2021 bcuz thats when i created my object ocs but the more time passes#the weirder it feels to have it take place years in the past#i considered moving up their birthdays by a few years but like. idk i like their birthdays theyre cute :3#bubblegum is SUPPOSED TO BE 15 and she was born july 2007#watermelon is supposed to be 7 and he was born june 2014#etc etc#starr is 27 and she was born september uhhh 1995 or 1997 i actually dont remember. whichever one makes sense#also that would mean building block was born in 2020 and since she's always gonna be a baby the furhter away we get#it means that she wouldnt have even been born when the story is actually supposed to take place. Like#i know their birthdays and their ages and what year they were born everybody else has to do the math#to figure out wtf is going on because I DONT KNOW#also that means that building block would be a pandemic baby lmao 😭#what was rhe vibe in nigeria in august 2020 during the pandemic. well i say that like it even happened in their universe#which there really isnt any reason for that to be true#it isnt historically important to mention like..... world war two or slavery or whatever. fucking obviously. in the context of objects#it gets messy so its better to just Not#also the months the characters were born really fuck me up bcuz jayden was born in late december#so for most of the first year that they met he would be.... younger than he actually is being born in 2003#but since building's block birthday and exact age is the most important timeline-wise#and she was born august 14th 2020 and she's seven months old when they first meet#then it canonically would take place in march 2021 which was my original intention#bcuz that is the actual date that i first created my object ocs#ANYWAY. boring character age ramblings#but its hard to keep track of so i dont even blame the author!!!! birthdays are weird and hard to keep up w/#when you dont know exactly when your story is supposed to take place#assuming its in a normal-ish world im sure fantasy ocs dont have this problem#txt#object ocs
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would it be a weird change to start only accepting inquiries from those who actually follow me
i dunno, it’s hard to make update after update when when the non-followers won’t even SEE them and didn’t plan to stick around for my work outside of what’s personally paid for. No shade, but idk if I can do it. And even then I’m more aware of actual followers who are waiting for slots to open and having those spots usurped by non-followers who happened to see things in passing just. I dunno. I guess it’s my call on what I do and don’t take.
#cozy texts#I dunno….It just feels weird.#its hard to actively verify this thing if im on the app 99% of the time#That and when something opens i get overwhelmed with inquiries really quickly#i cant exactly keep track of any waitlist so thats a non starter.#Getting overwhelmed just makes me want to limit things a tad further#I dont even care about getting more followers i care more about folk seeing my updates and getting a vibe before taking any jump
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worst part of knitting is that i keep fucking forgoring how many stitches i have
#and its hard to count them!!!!!!#gonna fucking ignore this pattern i was trying wdym u need me to keep track of 86 stitches nuh uh cant do tht every time i count them i#have a differrnt number!!! fucked up!!!!!
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#i always forget how bad my seasonal affective is until its dark and cold and wet and gross and miserable outside all of the time always#and it's never sunny and it's windy as fuck and walking the dogs makes me wanna kms and my whole body hurts so fucking bad#and im exhausted and pissed off and unbearably sad and i keep losing track of time#and literally nothing feels doable. i don't understand how people get anything done this time of year. like how is it not hard for you?#i should go find my sad lamp#having a wretched one! 👎👎👎
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#what fucking day is it even#i can't keep track#everything hurts as always#could probably track my vent posts by the 'everything hurts' tag#im tired and scared and lonely and i need so much help but there's nobody who can help me damnit#and I've reached out so hard#I've run face first into my own limitations#I've pushed past them time and time again to try and ask for help#i can't do it anymore i just can't#i wish the dms i get from these helped i wish the hug emojis helped like they used to#but goddamnit i need physical assistance and there is nobody able to give it because everyone is busy and needs help too#everyone's life sucks#everyone is exhausted and ground down to nothing and busy as all hell#....so of course nobody can help me#its selfish of me to want it#......bbut damnit I've been so selfless all my life......#...can't i be selfish just once....?just a little.....
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hi hi i’ve read a lot of your milgram fics & drabbles over the past couple months and i just wanted to say i adore your writing so much :’)!!! i’m so especially impressed by how well you write all possible pairings of characters — you understand everyone so well individually AND grouped with each other, in comedic, serious situations, and otherwise, and it’s just such an absolute joy to read :’) thank you for sharing your writing your work is incredible <3 (i hope it’s okay to put compliments here hdkznj you don’t have to answer this ask of course!! <3 <3)
Ahhhh thank you so much!!! I saw this a few days ago and I'm still giddy about it asdfsdfs -- I'm so glad you've enjoyed them :D
#i try really hard for characterization and genre range but theres always that doubt things will fall flat or He Wouldnt Fucking Say That 😅#im so impressed by the simultaneous dynamics yamanaka is managing (and everyone doing ocgrams for that matter)#given the trial changes there are essentially 21 (and soon to be 31) unique characterizations to try and keep track of interacting#so many interesting parallels and contrasts -- reasons to develop friendships and enemies!!#its really insane!!!!#i love it as a reader and from a writing pov it has resulted in a few pieces being rewritten/reworked for a long time#so im super excited to hear you enjoy them!! :D#thank you so much for reaching out -- hearing this gets me hyped to keep writing 👏👏👏#ive reached a little lull as the semester is picking up but im excited to get back to more milgram stuff soon :3#rose rambles#ask
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#no one ever touches me#and it bugs me a little#my friend who insists over and over he is very touchy and thats how he engages with the people he likes#does no touch me#no hand on the shoulder#no bumping into me without apology#no poking#or interacting#I think about how I have not had a partner in person in years. not since. 7th grade. 6 year ago.#and and thats not to . degrade on my relationship at all i love my partner#but i just#sometimes it worms its way under my skin that no one has actively chossen to hold me in a long time#that no one touches me at all#it feels sometimes like there is this horrible horrible plague within me and theyre afraid they will contract#that they simply must keep a distance#I think about the fact that in a group of friends. they made a fat joke at me#and i brushed it off and we all laughed and i know i know i know and im sorry im sorry i look like this#im sorry#and im trying#i eat less#i do#Ive been watching every calorie#Ive started throwing up recently#some of its involentary ive been like reacting to grease but some of it is less so#i think too long about how my body looks. about how many people around me refuse to touch me#and it jsut. leaves#im carefull#Im so so careful#I track every calorie like its bible study#I try so hard to make myself into something that people will want to touch
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