#its going to hurt tomorrow though the dentist said

[chocolatecake47]

i got my motion brackets in today and now i have to wear elastics on my teeth for 6 months 😭

took me like three years to commit to this though so at least i finally got them 🤷🏽‍♀���

[nathank77]

3/26/24

7:22 p.m-Updated/Added to/Edited

I have my t-shot tomorrow and I see my PCP Thursday. So I'm still stressed about this week once I see my PCP I will be less stressed. I will finally have less doctors appts just my biweekly t-shots, therapy 3 days a week, 1 monthly bloodwork, and that's it mostly.

I got my thyroid ultrasound April 1st and the dentist April 12th and my ultrasound on my lower region on April 17th... and then my bloodwork right now on April 23rd but I'm thinking about scheduling it to April 16th.. I mean it'll be 4 days earlier than last month's bloodwork but approximately 2 months that I've been on methimazole... I want to do it earlier to make sure I don't go too hypo if I'm actually going into remission. I'll probably reschedule it. Also I'm sure I'll have to see my PCP again for insomnia. She's keeping me on a tight leash.. it's going to be monthly appts as long as i use benzodiazepines for sleep.

Either way I got to make time for my eye doctor depending on when she can fit me in.. and i may have to move stuff around....but I'll deal with that when the time comes.. tomorrow...

I'm worried about my pcp appt and the benzodiazepine script... I hate having to open up with a lie. My tongue isn't gross cause I scrape it twice daily but it will not heal.... I'm kinda forced to lie cause behavioral health only wants me to take antipsychotics...she won't be able to say psychiatrist anymore if I lie and that's important...

I called the investigation unit to ask questions and I explained why I want to lie and at first it didn't seem like he understood, it seemed like he thought I wanted to lie about Kristen. I explained I needed to lie to my PCP to get a quality of care I'm being denied bc of my diagnosis. I think he finally understood it but he said the people I wrote on the release of Information, Elise, Kristen, Mike and Erin. They would request records. They could call but it's a case by case basis. They could even meet in person with anyone on that release form...

He said that he could request information from my PCP but not talk to her unless I give them the right to which I won't.. but I guess I'm going to have to write that paragraph really well. And have it somewhere near the top so they understand I'm lying about recovering to re-humanize myself and remove that label and the stigma...

He said the investigation might not even get looked at past reading the paperwork. He said it could take 6 weeks. He said it could take a year.

I guess I'll have to consider whether to get my medical card considering this time frame. I guess I have to consider that when they look at my case considering sleep/benzo/insomnia and all that is like half my argument, they likely will pull my records from my PCP.

I'm worried they'll tell her I still have auditory hallucinations but I don't think they can... I'm worried if they do i will lose my prescription and my doctor. Losing my PCP will really mess things up for me. Its hard getting benzos. It's hard having biweekly appts for my t-shot. They are super reliable. So reliable, that my xanax is already ready for renewal in early April when I don't need to refill until April 5th.. I won't pick it up any earlier either.

So I'm kinda in a rock and a hard place. I can occlude auditory hallucinations from everything at this point but when it comes to my PCP, I either lie.... and worry about it impeding my investigation/losing my PCP... or I tell the truth and keep getting referred out to Behavioral health and have to stay on xanax....

Idk what to do but damn fucking Kristen. My tongue doesn't hurt but it's gross even though it isn't. It won't heal and I just want to switch to Halcoin...

Idk what to do, I don't want to lie to begin with. Yet I feel I have to but this investigation scares me cause if my PCP finds out I lied bc i wanted my insomnia to be treated as a separate issue, I could lose a lot.

If I tell the truth well I don't even think she will even listen to me about halcion...

I have 3 ideas:

1) lie and know in my heart, that they can't share information with her. They can only obtain information.. but my anxiety is like what if? And I can't turn it off..

2) tell the truth, have her say Behavioral health and have my tongue never heal. Continue to treated like a mental case....psychotic. unable to make good decisions. Have my quality of care be lower than it should be..

3) tell a stretch of the of truth, I hallucinate only a few times a day now. Only during the day... it's actually countable. Then even if the board contacts her directly, my records will still say I hallucinate, they won't tell her I'm stretching the truth bc they will also think that my hallucination has improved. However she still may say behavioral health..

Idk what the fuck to do. My anxiety is like lying can bite you in the ass.

You already have a turtle biting your tongue and it won't heal so you're already being bit in the ass.

Telling a stretch of the truth can help but she will still be like you're hallucinating so behavioral health..

Idk what to do. I have a lot of thinking to do. Calling the investigation unit actually made it worse...

Why? Cause now I'm like what if they can meet with my PCP bc of my benzo script and the way I was when I came to them in December is an important part of my case... they'll say he was a mess. Unable sleep. He looked like he didn't sleep. He was suffering.

I am so anxious bc i have to make this decision by Thursday. I can tell the truth, now. Submit my paperwork and lie in April. Or May when I go back cause this is going to be a monthly appt.. but that's another month of my tongue looking like shit.

Idk if they can actually tell her what I reported I doubt it but I know they can pull my records. Idk what to do. I'm sick of hearing behavioral health. What it really means is----> go on antipsychotics then I'll consider changing your benzodiazepine to a different one with a comparable dosage..but I'd rather your psychiatrist do that cause you're, "psychotic."

Of course I could not say auditory hallucination. She didn't bring it up last time... but I did. When I called about the temazepam, the receptionist was like if you're seeing and hearing stuff you need to go to a psychiatrist we might discharge you from our practice if you keep calling/showing up. I showed up a few times for random things. Once or twice was the benzodiazepine... but the other 2 or 3 times I didnt say a word about them... so there is a reason Im scared..

And just the fact that they said seeing things.... I never reported seeing things cause I fucking don't!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I don't have visuals. It's obv they think I'm completely crazy. This is why I want to peel off the fucking label.

I know I have to take things one day at a time but I got to plan what I'm going to say Thursday. Whats best for me and the investigation. But overall what best for ME.

Whats best for me is to lie.... although I'll always be scared it'll bite me in the ass and cause me to lose my PCP getting another reliable benzodiazepine script will not be fucking easy... getting discharged from this place will severely effect my health...

If I don't submit the report, Kristen gets to live her perfect life and I have to, "live," like I have been living... but then I can lie with no worries.... and get the best quality of care...then again my PCP may be like idc if you don't hallucinate anymore, I would never percribe such a high dose...

What's best for me is reporting Kristen... what's best for me is lying to my PCP and getting the best quality of care.... assuming the lack of hallucinations would make her more willing to perscribe .50 of halcion. Which .25 is the largest dose tablet and I'm asking for TWO A NIGHT. With hallucinations there is no way she will listen to me but without them she may cause it becomes MEDICAL. Although she may still be like that's wayy too much I'd NEVER.

What's not best for me is having the investigation cause my quality of care to be lower than it should be preventing me from lying bc of anxiety and the potential they will talk to her. I suppose as a person I have the right to say you can obtain records from my PCP but you cannot talk to her under any circumstances...idk..

I'm very anxious about it. It seems there is no right answer...

I'm going to think about it nonstop until Thursday and figure out what I should do. I'm so anxious.

[sw124]

BonelyHearts Reader Insert7

{Gender Neutral!ReaderXSkeleton household}

Dental woes

Where were you again….right…on the couch contemplating on why the universe decided to torture you. For a week now you had a terrible toothaches; you were sure it was on the right side of your mouth, hell your cheeks was so swollen you looked like a chipmunk hiding acorns in your mouth. You got back from the dentist and….

“Abscess tooth? How on earth can something like that happen?” Nox sat by you, your head resting on a ice pack.

“…Abscess teeth….” You whimpered.

“Call me country bumpkin…-on second thought don’t- but what on earth is an abscess tooth-er teeth.”

You weren’t sure if you had the time to explain…no…you did you just didn’t have the energy. You pulled your phone out, tapped a few buttons and showed it to Nox; he proceeded with the video. You watched from the corner of your eye his expression going from ‘unimpressed’ to ‘oh dear lord what did I just witness?!’ among a few others. He trembled as he returned your phone.

“…I’m going back now that I finish my antibiotics…then they’re gonna drained the puss an…mmmph..” oh you couldn’t tell him the rest, these skeletons had a bit of an issue about teeth.

Cleaning them sure was one thing but you didn’t want to tell him that you were also having your wisdom teeth removed, they were the main cause of your abscesses. Instead you decided to change the subject just slightly..

“Do…you think one of you guys could drive me to my appointment and back?”

Nox gave you a sideways glance. “You do know you have your own car right?”

Well he was gonna be no help, maybe Sans or Papyrus would be more willing. You got up and shuffled towards the stairs. Slowly you shuffled up and towards Pap’s room, you gave a few half-hearted knocks before the door flew open.

“Sans I said- Oh human its you!” Papyrus stood there, dressed in his ‘cleaning the greatest room in the house’ clothes…you weren’t even phased by his loud entry to be honest.

“Hey Pap…can I ask you a huge favor?” You swayed on your feet.

“Of course human, what favor do you need from the great Papyrus?” He puffed out his chest looking like a gallant superhero…why was he so cute?

“Tomorrow I have a dentist appointment, could drive me to it and back home please?”

“You can count on me human! Though I’ll need to bring someone with me will that be alright.”

“Someone trustworthy….” You whimper, ohh you regretted not bringing the ice pack with you…

“I’m bringing Blue, he’s very trustworthy. Don’t worry human we’ll take care of you!”

You gave a very weak smile before going over the time to bring you to the dentist, he was surprised to hear it would take a few hours but he still agreed to sit and wait for you.

[The next morning….]

Why did you agree to do this…why did your teeth have to hurt…why oh why…

You sat between Papyrus and Blue in the waiting room, you were on time and just waiting to be called back for your appointment. You didn’t get a wink of sleep last night due to both the pain and the anxiety of having two of your teeth pulled out of your head. Worst yet you weren’t gonna be sedated and unconscious for this, you were gonna be wide awake and numbed up.

Your heart leapt into your throat when the assistant called your name…

“Don’t worry human, we’ll be here when your done!” Blue patted your hand.

“Yes! When your done we’ll take you home and treat you to a whole day of recovery! After-all; I ‘the great Papyrus’ and ‘the magnificent Blue’ will be here when your done!”

The two skeletons striking a pose in the lobby, honestly these two were gods gift to all with hearts made of stone…well no sense in delaying the inevitable, you walked down the corridors to the room in question. It didn’t look any different then any other dental room. Your dentist was a kind, older gentlemen of about 60 with years of experience, he was your dentist since you were old enough to see a dentist. He was practically your grandpa by this point, he reassured you that it would all be over in no time. He began setting things up while his assistant prepped you, putting sunglasses on you to shield your eyes, a mouth spreader to keep your mouth open and that greenish bib they put on you.

Then….came the needle…..

[Two hours later]

Your dentist sat by you, waiting to be sure you were alright before sending you back to the waiting room. Your mouth was still numb but you were now dealing with the swelling, you were also dizzy from laying there so long. He handed you a little white plastic bag with a toothbrush, floss, toothpaste…and both of your wisdom teeth. They were intact, boy this was gonna be fun showing the skeletons later.

Slowly you got up, your dentist offering you his shoulder for support as he helps you to the waiting room. Just like they said Papyrus an Blue were waiting for you, swiftly they got you into the car after getting a full rundown from the dentist on what you could and could not eat for a while.

Solid foods were off the menu at least for the next month, you didn’t mind really on that part. It just meant you could have smoothies all you wanted, that and pasta; pasta was ok. With that said you were put in the car and driven back to the skeleton household….

Apparently everyone was told about your surgery and was waiting outside to greet you.

“Welcome back human, good to see your doing alright.” Said Boss with a smile.

“Yes, you seem to have survived your little surgery. Though I doubt anything went awry, after all what could a little root canal do to you?” Said Nox with a wave of his hand.

“It wasn’t a root canal.” You smiled, you reached into the bag an pulled out a smaller one with your two intact wisdom teeth. “I got my wisdom teeth removed, wanna see? It still got blood on them…”

You were still a bit loopy but the expression on everyone’s face was priceless, Nox and Boss almost gagged, Red and Russ were like little kids as they poked at the bag, Poplar and Ash….hiding behind the front door, Sans, Papyrus, Stretch and Blue were all sharing the same look…the ‘what the heck is wrong with you’ look.

After walk/chasing some of the skeletons with your extracted teeth they finally got you to lay down on the couch. You had blood dripping out of your mouth, thankfully no stitches popped; it was just the excitement an all.

You had a nice bottle of Mango Orange smoothie right by you, you were resting your head on Sans lap while watching Red and Blue go at each other in a racing game. Poplar and Ash were in the kitchen making dinner, Boss, Nox and Stretch were in their rooms while Papyrus was tending to Doomfanger and Chicken’s cat tree’s.

If anything you still didn’t like dentists offices or procedures but….when you could come home and recover like this with ten skeletons ready to help you…maybe you could tolerate another one.

End

[Another fanfic for the @bonelyheartsclub I’ve got more stories planned so please hold on]

[caws5749]

Dazed and Confused, pt. 21-The Quarantine Series

A/N: I CHEATED IM SORRY. okay so several parts of this I took directly from one of my other fics i wrote because i wanted it to be the same thing essentially. I know many of you have already read it, but i really did want it to be the exact same explanation. This is more of a ‘we gotta focus on what happened and how’ chapter because the next one will be focused on nat x reader dealing with this.

Promoting: I’m still tryin to do drabbles *cries* BUT ALSO, Netflix party this coming Friday!!!!!!!!! We’re watching infinity war! The link will be posted to Join the Netflix party on Friday around 7pm eastern time.

The Quarantine Series Masterlist

The rest of the day with Natasha passed quickly, and before you knew it, you were waking up at 4am, preparing to leave for your mission. Steve was thankfully coming with you, which helped to ease your nerves.

You found yourself unable to sit still on the Quinjet, pacing back and forth in the back while Steve flew the jet.

“I’ve never seen you like this,” he commented. You nodded, crossing your arms.

“Something just feels....off about this.”

“I know you’ve never been on a mission like this, Y/N, but you got this. You can handle it,” Steve encouraged. You nodded again. No matter what he said, you knew you wouldn’t feel at ease until the mission was over.

Eventually pacing wasn’t do anything to calm your nerves, so you settled for taking out all of your knives and then repacking them. You hadn’t realized Steve had put the jet on autopilot until he was at your side. He picked up one of your knives, examining it.

“Why do you prefer knives? I never asked,” he spoke.

“Why do you prefer a shield?” You retorted, chuckling.

“I-”

“That was a rhetorical question, Steve. And don’t touch my knives!”

You took it lightly from his grasp and put it back on the table.

“You’re not going to bring it?”

“I already have about fifty knives on my person right now.”

Steve honestly didn’t know how to respond to that, so he just sighed and moved up to the front to ask JARVIS about the flight plan.

Ten minutes later, Steve was yelling back about landing, and you stood, going over the plan once more in your head. You made your way over to where the comms were, grabbing one and placing it in your ear. Your eyes passed over the knife Steve had picked up. You sighed and rolled your eyes, grabbing it and putting it in a holster in your suit. You know, just in case.

“We dropped about three miles out. We’ll take my bike until we’re a mile out, and then walk the rest of the way,” Steve said, appearing in the back. You groaned.

“I hate your bike.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.”

+++++++

“You find anything yet?”

“You mean since the last time you asked me, two seconds ago?” You whispered.

“Y/N.”

“No, Cap, I have not found anything. Heading into a new room though. Looks promising,” you shrugged. You pulled out another knife, twirling it delicately. You opened the door slightly, until you could just see inside. It was dark, and full of file cabinets.

“Jackpot,” you muttered to yourself. You snuck inside and closed the door, turning around to look at the cabinets. If only you knew which one had the papers you were looking for. You sighed and moved farther into the room.

“Y/N, move, now. It’s a trap!” Steve shouted. You straightened, hearing the panic in his voice.

“You’re not going anywhere,” a low voice growled. Twenty forms stepped out into the open. It was still dark, and you couldn’t see hardly anything. You prepared to throw your knife, but before you could, hands were on you. You struggled against them, but it was no use. Someone hit something hard into your head, and things went black.

What seemed like a minute later, you were groggily coming to, being dragged along the floor. You were chained up with thick bands of steel. You could feel a weight lifted from your suit- they’d taken all your weapons. That was all you could manage to figure out, before you lost consciousness again.

+++++++

You groaned as you came to. You were chained still, and your head was killing you. Wait, something felt different. These chains were stronger. They felt like Cap’s shield. Vibranium? That couldn’t be right, why would they need something that strong? You opened your eyes, trying to see anything. You were in a chair, almost like a dentist’s chair. There were needles in you. A door opened, and a man walked in, a vial in his hand.

“Let’s see if this last injection will be it.”

Injection?

And then the world went dark.

++++++

A searing pain woke you up.

“Hey there,” a soothing voice said. You whimpered.

“Doc, can we up her morphine? She’s in a lot of pain.”

Whatever the doctor did, it worked, because the pain dulled to a bearable level. You were then able to focus your attention on opening your eyes.

“There you go.”

You turned to look at who the voice belonged to, and tears welled up in your eyes.

“Nat,” you croaked. She shushed you, bringing a glass of water to your lips. She helped you drink and then sat down on the edge of the bed.

“You really scared me,” Natasha murmured, a tear falling down her cheek.

“What happened?”

“They were waiting for you, at the HYDRA base. They took you,” she whispered, wiping away a tear.

“I remember that part,” you nodded.

“They experimented on you.”

“What?”

“You don’t remember,” Natasha sighed. You shook your head.

“What did they do to me?”

“They destroyed the files before we could read anything about the experiments. We don’t know.”

“Comforting,” you mumbled, starting to panic.

“Hey, hey, look at me. It’s going to be okay. We’re going to figure out what they did to you.”

“How did I get out?”

“The team raided the place after Steve told us what happened,” Nat answered.

Some of the memories came flooding back, and you could feel your heart racing.

“Baby, calm down. You need to slow your heart.”

“I can’t,” you managed, feeling your chest constricting. How could you not panic? You could hardly remember what had happened, and you had no idea what HYDRA had done to you. You sat up, ignoring the pain shooting through your body. The more you panicked, the weirder you felt. It was like something was surging inside you.

“Y/N, your eyes,” Nat observed, a new type of concern appearing on her face. You looked in the mirror, and didn’t recognize what you saw. Your eyes were glowing a bright blue. Whatever was swirling inside you was growing stronger, and it felt like something was trying to break out.

“Nat, get out of here,” you warned.

“No. I’m not leaving.”

“Nat!” You shouted one final warning, before you felt something explode out of you. For a moment you thought you were going to die, but then it felt good. Really good. You let whatever it was drain you completely, and you collapsed onto the floor, finally looking around. Everything in the room was soaking wet. It was like a tsunami had gone through. Your eyes searched for Natasha. She was also on the ground, coughing up water.

“Nat,” you murmured, worried you’d hurt her. She looked at you with an unreadable expression, but you only saw it for a millisecond, because everything went black.

++++++

Pt. 22, coming out tomorrow (April 8)

++++++

Tag List: @mymarvelwomen @hherewegoagain @morbid-gaymer @natasha-romanoff-fics @taramitch96 @marvelbanan @lesbian-x-blackwidow @firstangeldragonranch @stillfiguringmeout @natasharomanoffsbitch-x @5aftermidnight @disneykid125 @clintashaotp @arkkarchive @determinedpines @stop-drop-and-drumroll @little-spider-nerd @newestnewgirl @missmarvelobsession @fireflyglass @pussy-puncher-its-an-inside-joke @niquey-salvatore @1-danid @nowthisisliving27 @swanqueensupercorpshouldbegayirl @hopingforbarnes @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @natxhiddles @showmethemone05 @marvelb00kwolf @prizmix-and-friends @ophelias-heart @xpissbabyx @sychochick @alwaysblackbirdbluecookies

[pbandjesse]

Its my last day of my 20s!! It only feels a little weird. But I was weepy today. I dont think it was related. I think I was just. Having a hard day. Emotional. But it was still mostly good. 

I slept alright. Getting up was hard but James came in at 830 and said he was going to bike to the store and would be back around 9. So it gave me a little time frame to wake myself up and get dressed. 

So I did that. But I was down. Just felt sad. I got washed and dressed. I was happy with my hair. I love my new sweater. It was the first time Ive worn  it and its really great. Very soft. But I was still sad. 

I have some aches and pains. I need to make an appointment to see the dentist soon. And I have a weird wound in the back of my knee. I tried to feel alright but it was hard. 

James got back and made me a bagel. I played a little animal crossing. And he worked at his desk. SweetP really likes the desk. It lets him be tall. 

Eventually though James asked if I was ready to go out and I wasnt feeling great. But I wanted to feel better. So off we went. 

First we went down to the harbor. We were squish hunting and I wanted to hit up 4 places. CVS, Marshal's, Five Below, and Target. Because they were each in a set of two spots. So we wouldnt have to keep moving the car and parking. 

CVS was a bust. They didnt have any of their easter stuff out and they didnt have any valentines ones left. We walked the aisles just in case one was misplaced but no dice. So across the street we went to Marshal's. 

Better luck there! They had a bunch of the goofy ones with the hair. An owl. Some unicorns. But I ended up getting a cuddler. I really would like the dragon one but this pegasis spoke to me. Its a very good hug. And it was on clearance. The cashier liked him too. Mostly because he was purple but I think they look like Guy Feiari. 

We went to the car and headed out to the next places. A car almost hit us when we were leaving but James kept us safe. We were just a little shaken up. 

We went to Five Below next. At first I was like. Aw man no luck. They just had a little unicorn. But I did get a mini brand surprise pack. James was trying really hard to cheer me up but I know I was radiating sadness. 

We checked out and as we were leaving James noticed that we didnt see that they had all the new easter squishes by the door! 

I was super excited. The cashier said that they just put them out but people had been calling for a week. I didnt want all of them. I got 5. I was super excited about the cow and the octopus but the goat and pig were really cute in person. James liked the carrot a lot but I want to make the bottom more pointy so they will need work. 

We still went to look at target. This target had a lot more then the one yesterday. I ended up getting a very large dragon. I almost went for the bunny loaf but I am excited about my dragon. 

We picked up some tissues and floss too. Because we are adults. Adults who were hunting for stuffed animals. And then we headed home. 

My mood was up for a little there but it dropped back down again. I was sad. It sucked. 

We went home and James would make up an at home picnic. It was to wet outside to try to do a proper one. But he made the food look all nice. He even made deviled eggs and green salad. It was a really nice meal. And we talked about my sads and he tried to understand what he could do to help. But I was just. Going through it. 

I did get another gift today. He got a surprise box of beanie babies from an antique store in Hampden. And they were almost all beanie baby birthday bears. So later in the day I would hang up a shelf for them in the studio. I think they are very cute. It was funny though because there was no february but thats okay. I like the clown ones a lot. I think they are all very cute. 

I had work to do though. After lunch I worked on the Capybara for Gaby. I finished him up fast enough that James was able to take him to Gaby when he went to take a bike ride. And that was nice. And it gave me a little time to be alone and chill with my own feelings. 

I worked on my last drawing for the 30 day project. And then I went to play animal crossing. I made a rose garden and a carnival area. I want to work on the carnival more but it was still fun. 

James got back and we talked about pancake dinner. He went to go bake in the kitchen and eventually the sun was looking really golden in the living room so I wanted to take pictures but we were having trouble with the camera and so we missed the golden light. But we still got a couple pictures. 

But then I was just. So sad. I got overheated and I just needed to go lay down.  went and laid in the studio and watched videos for a while. Eventually James came and laid with me. Until around 6 when he went to go make up pancakes for dinner. 

We had a nice dinner. And then it was time for him to go play a game with his friends. I stayed and talked for a bit. Showed off my new squishes. And my new piercing. I actually rattled my piercing a little today and the top one hurts a little. But I can tell how well its healing so Im not to worried. 

I have been hanging out for the last hour. I made outfits for the week. Played around with my renfaire costume, coming up with more accessories to make it more believable. Its been nice. 

And now I am just tired. I am ready to take a shower and get some rest. 

Its  my birthday tomorrow! I hope its just. A good day. James had to work. But I hope to like. Read. Maybe take a drive. Just have a nice day. I hope you all have a good day too. 

Goodnight everyone. Take care of yourselves!!  

[lovemesomesurveys]

Do you weigh less than 130 pounds? Yeah, quite a bit less.

Do you straighten your hair every day? No. I haven’t straightened my hair in years.

What kind of car do you drive? I don’t drive.

What’s your favorite kind of ice cream? Strawberry, mint chocolate chip, birthday cake, and cookies and cream are good. I haven’t had ice cream in quite awhile, though. 

Do you wear earrings daily? No. It’s been awhile since I’ve worn earrings as well. 

Do you prefer purple or green grapes? Green.

When’s the last time you got your eyebrows waxed? I only got them waxed once and I was like 14.

Have you ever been in a tanning bed? No. Talk about claustrophobia. And I have no desire to do so anyway. 

Did your last kiss mean anything to you? Yeah.

How’s your hair right now? It’s up in its usual messy bun.

Have you ever wanted to go to Australia? I would love to.

What’s your favorite fast food restaurant? I’m not as into fast food as I used to be, but the ones I go to when I do have it are Chick-fil-A, Carl’s Jr, McDonald’s, and Jack in the Box.

When’s the last time you washed your hands? A few hours ago.

Who were you with the last time you were drunk and where were you? I was with a group of friends in a hotel room I rented for my birthday back in 2013.

What is one thing within the last year that if it had gone differently you feel might have changed things now? If I had done some things I should have been doing and managing things better regarding some of my health related issues.

What is something that you associate with summer? The miserable heat.

Have you ever ran around outside completely naked? Uh, no. Absolutely not.

When you’re hungry, does your stomach hurt? Sometimes. My body is super dramatic like that. I’ll feel weak sometimes and it’s like omg stop acting like you haven’t ate in days.

Would you say that you have a nice smile? No.

Have you ever walked in on your parents doing something kinky? Ahhhh, no.

Do you use mouthwash? No.

Do you eat anything out of a box? Yeah.

When’s the last time the fire alarm in your house went off? It’s never gone off. The only time it has made noise is when the batteries need to be replaced.

Can you be trusted with secrets? Yes.

Pill to make you braver or one to make you smarter? Braver. I’d be able to get some things taken care of that I’ve put off because I’m anxious and scared.

Are you in a hurry to grow up? I am grown up at 31 I guess, but I’m in no hurry to get older. I was never in any hurry.

When was the last time you used a bar of soap? Yesterday when I showered.

Do you keep notes, drawings or letters that people give you? Yes. I’m big on that.

Have you ever been locked in a car with a bf/gf? No. How would we be locked in the car?

Have you had a bf/gf that you never kissed? No. 

How many true best friends are present in your life? No friends, but I have my family.

Do you currently have a significant other? Nope.

Do your parents approve of the people you hang out with? They never had an issue with any of my friends.

Would you be able to stand being in the same room as someone you hate? I don’t hate anyone, so.

Have you ever lost a close friend? Yes.

Think of your current or last bf/gf. Do you/did you love them? I did.

Has anybody criticized the way your significant other looked like? I’m single, but no one said anything about the way my exes looked.

Have you ever stayed up late talking to a bf/gf on the phone or online? Yes.

Do your friends like the people you date? Do their friends like you? They had an issue with Joseph because they saw what I didn’t want to see, which was that he was using and playing me and wasn’t treating me right. I haven’t had an issue with their friends.

Do your parents let you date, or do you sneak around? I’m 31 years old. I can’t blame my non-existent dating life on that haha.

Have you ever felt backstabbed by a close friend? Yes.

Do you have any handshakes with anybody? No.

Do you feel you can rely on anybody to always be there for you? I know my family will always be there.

Have you ever regretted ignoring anybody? I’ve pushed people away and messed up good things. :/

What has been the stupidest reason someone has broken up with you? Joseph just didn’t want to commit. He wanted me when it was convenient and when he felt like it.

Have you ever kissed someone in their bedroom, or in yours? No.

Has a friend of yours ever confessed their love to you? No.

Have you gone out with someone, then ruined the friendship you had before? My first boyfriend and I were good friends before we started dating and yeah it definitely changed things after.

Can you trust any of your friends at full capacity? No friends. I trust my family, though.

Is the word 'love' even in your vocabulary? Yes.

Who do you think is more confusing, males or females? People are confusing.

Have you written or drawn anything for somebody else? No.

Do you have any pictures of yourself with a bf/gf? I have photos of myself and my exes.

Do your friends know how to make you smile in tough times? My family does. My doggo always can.

Has anybody said they loved you, but you didn't love them back? Yes.

Is there anyone you don't like that always seems to be everywhere you are? No.

Is there anyone you care about more than you care for yourself? My family.

What/who do you take the most pictures of? My doggo.

How long did you spend in a vehicle today? I’m not going anywhere today. 

When you make a mess are you more likely to clean it up right away, or do you get to it later? I clean it up right away.

Who do you blame for your bad mood today? I’m just annoyed because yesterday I slept until 6PM and today I’ve hardly slept at all, I kept getting up like every hour. It’s 10AM now and I first fell asleep around 6, so yeah not much sleep going on. :/

By what age would you like to be married? I don’t plan on getting married.

What are you looking forward to right now? Nothing at this moment.

Do you have any split ends? Yes.

Is there a book you're currently reading? Yeah, I’m finishing up this book called, “Anything for You” by Marissa Finch.

Did you ever want to be a fashion designer? No.

When was the last time you went to the dentist? It’s been awhile. :/

The last time you cried, what was wrong? Oh ya know, life.

Do you sleep with a fan on? Yes, even now in the winter.

What's the last video game you played? Animal Crossing: New Horizons. 

What do you usually drink at meals? Coffee or water.

Are you going to a library tomorrow? No.

Do you sleep better during thunderstorms? No, but I do enjoy them.

Has anyone pissed you off based on their actions recently? Yes.

What language did you take up in high school? I took Spanish all 4 years.

You’re single, correct? Yep.

Is the last person you texted good looking? My mom is beautiful. 

At this very moment, what exactly are you doing? Besides the obvious I’m listening to an ASMR video.

How do you feel about girls smoking? I don’t care what gender is doing it, I personally don’t like it.

Have you ever been in a perfect relationship? No. Perfect relationships don’t exist.

Is the person you last texted in a relationship? Yeah, my mom is with my dad.

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Nope.

Do you like “good morning” texts? I don’t get those.

Last movie you watched? Wonder Woman 1984.

Name something you like about winter: I love Christmastime, the weather, the clothes, the colors, the smells, the coziness...all of it.

What’s your favorite color? Pastels, rose gold, sea foam green, coral, and yellow.

Would you rather be called hun or baby? I don’t really care for either one.

Is there someone that you miss being close with? Yes.

Have you ever fallen asleep in someone’s arms? When I was little.

Does anyone completely understand you? I don’t think completely. I certainly don’t completely understand myself.

In the last 12 months can you say you truly cared about someone? My family.

You were single last month, why? Uhh, because I’m not interested in or talking to anyone in that way. Like, there’s literally no one right now. No one is interested in me either.

Would you rather get 1, 12, or 24 roses? I’d appreciate any amount.

What is something you like to do when you’re down? Cry and one of my go-to activities I do normally as a distraction.

Do you believe teenagers can fall in love? Sure.

Have you ever received a text message that made you cry? Yes.

Did you enjoy your summer? Last summer was even worse because I wasn’t able to go to the beach, which is the only thing I like about summer.

When you watch movies at home, do you like the lights on or off? I tend to just keep ‘em on.

Do you think relationships are even worth it? Yes.

Is any part of you sad at all? All of me.

Do you like your first name? Sure.

What’s most stressing right now? Health and life stuff.

What are you listening to currently? An ASMR video.

Have you done anything embarrassing lately? Not recently.

Dark hair or light hair in the opposite sex? Whichever.

Do you judge people you don’t know? Not to the point that I don't want to get to know them, but yeah. <<< That’s a good way of putting it. Like, I think we all judge people to some extent and that’s normal and not always a bad thing, but some people are judgmental people and they make up their own assumptions and opinions without getting to know a person. They have their mind made up and it stops them from getting to know someone. 

Would you date a boy/girl if you knew they were capable of cheating on you? I guess anyone is capable of doing so, so it’s something that could possibly happen in any relationship. However, if I knew someone had in fact cheated before or was known for that, then no I would not. Even if they had cheated once it would be something I’d worry about happening to me.

Did you sleep alone last night? I always do.

If you could have one thing right now what would it be? I’m kinda hungry, but meh.

Would you rather have ten kids, or none? None, hands down. I don’t even want one kid, let alone TEN.

Do you tell your mom or dad everything? I tell my mom a lot.

Does it matter to you if your boyfriend or girlfriend smokes? It would absolutely matter to me if they smoked cigarettes.

Have you ever been hurt by someone you never thought would hurt you? Yes.

Do you have siblings? I have two brothers.

[proflongbttm]

Dating George Weasley headcannon:

I've been out of any story ideas so here you go!!

Him calling you "love" and "sweetheart"

You two dancing around like fools when your favourite songs come on

And singing your lungs out

You volunteer to be a test subject to some of his Weasley wheezes products

George didn't like it, he thought slipping products to filch was still a solid plan.

"Fred no,"

"FRED YES-"

It was a bad idea.

You soon found out there was no spells for regrowing eyelashes

George said you still looked great though ;)

"Hows the lashes baldy?"

"FRED,"

He's a relative fan of PDA, (hand holding,  an occasional kiss on the cheek or lips, leaning on each other ect)

Kisses you goodbye if you have different classes

But you're always either holding hands or linking arms when you're with each other

If you're sitting beside each other, it’s underneath the tables or desks.

He enjoys being able to know you're there in some way

Loves hugging you from behind and giving you a kiss on the cheek

Is very proud to be with you

You are a lot calmer then he is

There has to be a balance of chaos

Or the world night explode idk

But you are a lot calmer and senseable

Doesn't mean you don't have fun though.

You both living off of sweets

It's a miracle you both still have teeth

Especially George

How

Does

He

Have

Such

Good

Teeth?!??

Your dentist hates you because of him

He loves anything orange or apple flavour.

Him and Fred brought Ginny trick or treating a few times but took most o fthe sweets afterwarss

Now you and him just buy loads anytime

Getting piggy back rides when "your feet hurt"

So all the time

He tried to braid your hair once when you were relaxing

It just becomes a mass of tangled fluff.

"But Ginny makes it look so easy!! "

He apologized a lot afterwards while you ripped through your hair with a brush

"You know, I think the 'dragged through a bush' look really suits you. "

Fred and George always checking if you will mix them up.

George always hopes you wont

Fred hopes you will

You recognize the different scars on their faces, George has one by his nose from falling off his broom when he was six

Fred has one above his eyebrow from running into a tree like last week

So you find it easy to tell them apart Georges delight and Freds dismay.

"Hey there gorgeous-"

"Hey there Fred."

"HOW DOES SHE DO IT I-"

Helping him plan parties in the gryffindor common room, making sure they won't get caught.

Doing his homework helping him with his homework

Him copying your work helping him in class

Reassuring him. That he doesn't need lots of O. W. L. S to be successful or happy.

And making sure he knows that he is smart, it takes a lot of intelligence to create all the products he has with Fred.

Him passing notes to you in class. Often its "Hey Beautiful" and a badly drawn drawing of him winking.

One time Snape caught him and made him read it out, which George didn't care about.

He stood up proudly, look straight at you with a smile. "Alright love? " and winked at you.

Never gone so red in your life.

"OI GET A ROOM YOU TWO," (Fred)

It got all three of you into a nice and long detention.

That's where you spend a lot of time really

Filches nightmare

You three are a troubling trio indeed

(Secretly McGonagall loves it)

Its a mystery how Gryffindor won the house cup with you three around.

You help him plan pranks with Fred.

Making sure it's executed correctly so they won't get caught or leave evidence behind.

Sometimes you get pranked too, but George knows when he's crossed a line.

They sent you a howler before

You've never ran out of the great hall so fast, only to find it was Fred and George screaming "YOURE WELCOME" and that was it.

You were a little pissed after that one because of the slytherins mocking you.

But he made it up.

He is more emotionally aware than Fred

He knows where the line is and respects it

Isn't afraid to open up to you and talk to you.

About how much he adores you

Lots of cuddles

George is usually big spoon because of his height, but when he's in a bad mood he will be little spoon and let you play with his hair while he sulks

Always saves you a seat in the great hall beside him.

Fred pretends to be offended by this

"I don't see you saving ME a seat Georgie!"

Sometimes if you haven't spoken in a while or if you look sad he'll lightly nudge you and just smile at you, which always makes you smile back.

Shows you the secret passageway to Hogsmede and you both go on secret dates there on the weekends

Smuggling sweets from Honeydukes back to the school along with Zonko products.

Making a small business out of selling them in between Hogsmede trips or too the first and second years

Him sneaking into your common room (if in different houses) to cuddle.

For such a tall and noticeable boy he very rarely gets caught

If you're a hufflepuff you steal food from the kitchen for them because your common room is closer.

You attending all his quidditch matches and practices

He loves showing off to you during them.

Freds not happy about it

"Hey loverboy watch what you're doing!!"

He got knocked off of his broom mid backflip before

Fred brings it up every now and again to embaress him

"Hey Georgie I didn't take you for a gymnast, id stick to my day job mate. "

Took about a week for his pride to recover

And two weeks for his ribs

For christmas you get him and Fred new Bats that say their names on the handles and "Wealseys Wizard Wheezes" across them in a huge font

They both love them

"Thanks. sweetheart,"

"Yeah, thanks sweetheart."

"Oh, shove off Fred,"

If he can't afford to buy you something, he'll make it. He made a picture frame full of pictures of you both. The frame had your name across it and it changed color depending on the time of day.

You almost cried it was so cute

He was proud after that

Molly makes you a sweater at Christmas now,  it's the same color as George's

You both wear them with pride all christmas day

Draco Malfoy laughed at you for wearing it

"Now that you're with a Weasley you can't afford better clothes, hm Y/N? "

You had to hold George back from pouncing on him

You didn't stop him from cursing at him

He makes sure you know how much he cares in little ways, always checking up, little smiles, and just being there for you.

He can have a really foul mouth when he wants to

"Little blonde git. It would be really sad if a firework slipped into his jumper tomorrow don't you think y/n? "

Next day in the great hall half of Malfoys hair got singed of by a firework that burst into "Fuck you Malfoy" with a middle finger in the air.

Best part it you didnt get caught

Hough Snape was sure it was you

He had no proof at all

Because of your fine planning

"Now that was wicked, thanks for the help love."

He loves you

He really does

And he isn't afraid to show it

[malcolmwhitly-bright]

“I don’t like the idea of you walking down the streets all alone.” I’d love to see Gil say this to Malcolm, but Mal doesn’t listen & goes out anyways and gets WHUMPPEDD🤍

1. I’m so sorry this took so long

2. Don’t hate me for what you’re about to head. You said whump, didn’t say nothing about any comfort tho

Dani gets pregnant. A night of fun turned into her problem. So she sits in her apartment and sobs. The bathroom tile is cold and her bare legs freeze. Her hair is a mess. She can’t make spaghetti without making way too much. She doesn’t know how to braid and every time she opens a Capri sun she stabs the straw completely through it.

“Uhhh.” She doesn’t know why but she calls Malcolm. He picks up the phone with a groan and that’s something she’s learned about him recently. He’s up all night, she can almost always talk to him at any point during the night but if she wants to then Malcolm will answer just not conventionally. “Mmmmm?” He doesn’t know how to talk to people after a certain hour in the night (not that he knows how to during regular hours either).

She sighs,” I’m pregnant.”

Malcolm chokes. She’s not sure what he’s doing but all the noises in the background stops. Nothing but silence over the line as Malcolm processes the news he’s just been given. “Huh,” he clears his throat. “You know, all the times I dreamt about news like this I always thought it would come from a stranger over the phone. You know?” He hums,” or, you know, it would at least come from someone I had slept with.”

Dani rolls her eyes. She tosses the test down on the floor, letting it clatter until it slides against the toilet. She hears Malcolm move over the phone, not thinking anything about it until she hears him pick up his keys. “What’re you doing?” She’s suddenly self-conscious about calling him. He’s not the father. Why did she call him? He can’t-

“Uhm,” Malcolm climbs into his car, she can hear the door shut. “I was gonna hit the corner shop. Pick up some ice cream.” 

Dani’s eyebrows pinch in confusion.

“Mint chocolate chip is still your favorite, right?” The car stops and she leans against the toilet seat. She can’t help but smile at his thoughtfulness. This is why she called him. “Oh, or I could get those sandwiches- Now I’m hungry. I’m never hungry.”

Dani smiles. Her problems melting away. She can figure this out. It’s a baby. Nothing can ever compare to dealing with Malcolm Bright. “I would really appreciate the ice cream.”

She can hear his smile,” trust me, I know.” After a moment he adds,” if I get chicken nuggets do you want to spl-”

“Yes.”

“You didn’t even let me finish, Dani.”

She rolls her eyes. She knows exactly what he was going to say. Her + Him + a 20 piece chicken nugget meal from McDonald’s. He’ll order a large iced tea, drink half on the ride over, and give her the rest. “I’ll see you when you get here.” She looks down at the test,” and… Thank you, Malcolm. For-For coming.”

Malcolm chuckles,” anytime, you know that.”

For some reason, he really means that.

“Stop looking at my vagina Bright!”

Malcolm shakes his head, eyes huge. His hand is holding hers and he’s as pale as a ghost. As far as the nurses know he’s the dad. It was the only way Gil could get him back and Gil had to get Malcolm back there. Dani’s broken sobs, ‘I can’t do this! I can’t!’ were breaking his heart and Gil knew the only person who could help her was sitting in the waiting room just as much as a mess.

Malcolm glances back down, each time a doctor or nurse shouts his eyes look. He can’t help it. “I’m not trying to,” he defends himself, wincing when her hand tightens around his. “Her head is huge Dani and she’s got so much hair.”

Dani screams, pushing as the nurse asks her to. 

“Dad?” The doctor stands, a ball of wiggling, crying baby in his hands. “Wanna cut the cord?”

Malcolm looks at Dani, eyes still huge and he has no idea what to do. 

Dani’s sobbing too. Utterly exhausted. She nods her head and he knows she wants him to. It’s an unasked, unsaid invitation into her and her child’s life.

“She’s got so much hair,” Malcolm’s afraid to touch her. He can’t tear his eyes away though. The parenting books didn’t say anything about all the hair. Every baby he’d ever seen was bald. Then again, Dani has very thick curly hair so maybe it’s genetics. Would that mean babies with bald dads aren’t born with hair? He opens his mouth to ask but she cuts him off.

“Will you be her GodFather?”

Malcolm freezes. Emotions flooding his brain. People don’t trust him things let alone their children. He breaks mugs all the time, his hands are just too shaky. He forgets to eat and he’s a hazard to himself. 

“You don’t have to-”

“Dani,” Malcolm smiles sadly down at her. “I would love nothing more.” He reaches down and squeezes her hand,” I was just surprised you ask.”

Dani squeezes his hand back. She looks down at the baby in her arms, sleeping peacefully. Dani knows, without a doubt in her mind, that she wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for Malcolm. He’s been her rock. 

Nights full of ugly sobs as she cries through crappy romcoms. Tucking her cold toes under his thighs on the couch. Morning sickness. Giving up coffee for three months when she told him the scent made her want to vomit. Going out to get weird foods. Holding her hand through labor.

She smiles up at him,” you’re my best friend, Malcolm. Who else would I ask?” 

The room suddenly fills with people. JT, his wife, Gil, and Edrisa. They’ve got balloons and flowers. Malcolm steps away from the bed. Allows them their moment but Dani doesn’t miss the way his eyes track the baby, never leaving her tiny body no matter who is holding her.

He’s there though. 

For everything.

“Mallory does not like peas,” he informs her, weird-looking green vomit on his shirt.

-

“Tell your mommy what you just called me,” he holds her up under her arms, acting angry as Mallory babbles some nonsense to Dani. 

-

“No, no,” he says from her living room. Mallory out on the carpet in front of him. “Say, Malcolm. Malcolm?” Mallory screeches, throwing a block against another block. She offers him a ‘mamama!’ He groans.

-

“Yeah!” He’s right beside Dani, arms raised in the air in triumph. All three of them shouting in glee, Mallory falling back on her little butt. “I can’t believe it!” He declares,” she took her first steps!”

-

“These are big girl underwear,” he shows her the carebears on them. “If you don’t have an accident in your pull-up, I’ll let you wear them.” He smiles back at Mallory’s excited grin,” I’ll buy you all the big girl underwear you want. Just no more accidents.”

-

“I’ll squeeze him tight,” Malcolm squeezes the stuffed bear tight to his chest. Mr. Bear, he notes because Mallory has named all her stuffed animals but this one is special. He gave it to her and she has to take him everywhere. “Now,” he lays the stuffed bear beside her,” you’ll have all the Malcolm hugs you’ll ever need. Okay?” She nods and he places a kiss on her forehead,” okay, goodnight, Mal.”

-

“You’re okay,” he holds her close to his chest. She hiccups miserably, her skinned knee aching. “You know what happens now?” She shakes her head, not even bothering to pull her head out of his shoulder. “You have to try again. Get back up on your bike.” She pulls back to object and he cups her cheeks in his hand,” I’ll be right here, Mallory. I promise.”

Until one night, insomnia gets the best of him.

“I don’t like the idea of you walking down the streets all alone.”

He lays in the frigid cold. His own blood a puddle around his waist. Gil was always nagging about Malcolm’s late-night walks. ‘There’s safety in numbers’, that was Gil’s philosophy. Recently, Gil dropped his consistent reminders. Malcolm was always with Dani and Mallory though. That kid wears him down, he’s dead on his feet most nights.

Except, Dani took today off and treated Mallory to a day at the museum. Leaving Malcolm to sort out his own plans for the day. Hince the need for a mid-night walk.

“Give me your money” turned into a sharp knife too quickly. Malcolm’s trembling hands unable to produce any money. Malcolm’s hands stained with his own blood.

He tries to fight it, at first. His body numbing to the pain, his eyes drifting shut. He promised to take Mallory to the dentist for Dani tomorrow. Promised Mallory a special surprise afterward. It’s too much. The cold, the pain. 

There was a point in his life he imagined death so much it seemed like an old friend. A means to an awful life, an escape. In its grasp now, he’s afraid. He wants to stay. To fulfill his promises. He wants more time. 

He needs more time.

Hadn’t realized what he has until it’s slipping through his fingertips.

“No!” It’s Gil who gets the call. Who holds Dani as she sobs, openly and freely. She curses him and she shouts at nothing and calls it Malcolm. He’s hurt them all, reckless and stupid until the end.

“You can’t fix me, Dani.” Years ago, now. On her couch, a tub mint chocolate chip ice cream between them. Her stomach large with her unborn child in it. His eyes heavy, voice soft. “I’m not who you think I am.” So unsure, convinced he was unfit. He could never help her, not with a baby.

Except, he did. Mallory’s father is out of the picture but she always had Malcolm. They both did.

“Baby-” Dani squats down in front of Mallory. Cupping her daughter’s cheek and praying that she can find the right words to make her understand. To explain that Malcolm’s not coming back. “You love Mr. Bear.” Dani rubs the old bear’s ears thoughtfully. Remember the eagerness Malcolm had for her and Mallory. In life and in general. 

Mallory nods her understanding, her own hand joining in her mother’s soft toying of the bear’s ear. She does love Mr. Bear. From the moment Malcolm gave her him he’s gone everywhere with her. Every day of Mallory’s life Malcolm has been there. Picking her up from school while Dani hunts bad guys. Taking her for ice cream just because. Cuddling on the couch for Saturday movie nights. Buying her popcorn and candy at the movies even when Dani insists Mallory doesn’t need both.

Those things are never going to happen again.

Dani brushes a strand of her daughter’s hair behind her ear,” baby. Do you remember what we talked about with Grandpa Gil?” Death is permanent. Her daughter doesn’t understand permanent. 

Dani can sympathize with that. There’s a part of her that keeps waiting for Malcolm to show up and give her some crappy excuse. Blame it on some vaguely disguised daddy issue. To hug her. She already misses his hugs. The scent of his cologne in a room. Him falling asleep on the couch when she’s trying to talk to him. 

“If you put Mr. Bear with Malcolm,” tears prick her eyes. She shouldn’t have to explain this to her daughter. “You’ll never see him again.” A tear slides down her cheek,” either of them.” Dani sniffles and wipes her cheek of the tear. She smiles sadly,” and Mr. Bear is your best friend. You don’t want to lose him.”

Mallory looks puzzled and Dani’s hoping that she can grasp what being said. After a moment, Mallory shakes her head, disagreeing. “No mommy,” she says softly,” Malcolm is my best friend.” She frowns,” and Malcolm is scared of the dark. So, I want to give him Mr. Bear so he won’t be so scared.”

“Baby-”

Mallory hugs Mr. Bear tight to her chest. Squeezing him with all her might. She offers Dani the bear,” you have to charge him up with hugs, mommy.”

Dani cries openly as she clutches that stupid bear to her chest. 

Mallory smiles proudly,” good job! Now Malcolm will have your hugs too.”

Dani chokes on a sob but she manages a watery smile,” that’s right, baby.”

Mallory stands for a long time, just looking down at her bear. She squeezes her mother’s hand,” I’m gonna miss him, mommy.”

Dani stands numbly. The wind blowing straight through her coat. If Malcolm were here, her Malcolm, he’d wrap an arm around her. Produce a scarf from seemingly nowhere. Something that somehow makes this impossible moment okay. Bearable. “Me too.”

[myownsuperintendent]

New Fic: “Stomach Flu”

Emily brings home the stomach flu from kindergarten.  Soon Scully catches it too--or does she? MSR, AU fluff, vomit content warning.  Also here at Ao3.

.....

Mulder wakes to the sound of a voice in the darkness.  “Mommy? Daddy?”  Next to him, Scully stirs.  “I threw up.”

Scully switches on the light.  “You did, huh?” she says, surveying Emily, who’s standing next to the bed.  Her face is flushed, and there’s evidence of the throwing up on her pajama top.

Emily nods.  “On my bed too.”

“Poor thing,” Scully says, starting to get out of bed.  “Do you still feel sick?”

“I don’t know,” Emily says.

“Well, we’ll get you cleaned up and we’ll take your temperature,” Scully says; she’s all the way out of bed now, and she takes Emily’s hand.  “And we’ll see how you’re doing.”

“You’ll be okay, Em,” Mulder says.  He gets out of bed as well now, and they all make their way across the hall to Emily’s room.

He handles stripping and remaking the bed (thankfully Emily’s teddy bear was spared);  he can hear Scully talking to Emily from the bathroom. “Hmm,” she says.  “You do have a little bit of a fever, sweetheart.  Does your stomach hurt?”

“A little.”

“Were you feeling sick before you went to bed?” Scully continues.  “Or did you just wake up and feel sick?”

“I just woke up.”

“Well, you’re all cleaned up now,” Scully says, “so I’m going to give you some medicine, and then you can go back to bed.  I think sleeping will help you feel better.”  He hears Emily protesting the medicine, as she inevitably does, and he smiles to himself as he puts a fresh blanket on the bed: she can’t be feeling too, too awful. 

“It tastes bad.”

“I know,” Scully says. “But it’ll help you feel better. Do you feel like you might throw up again, if you go back to bed?”

“I don’t know,” Emily says.

“We’ll leave you the basin then,” Scully says.  “Just in case.”  They come back to the bedroom then, Emily in clean pajamas now.

“How’re you feeling, Em?” he asks her.  She shrugs, and he stoops down to give her a hug.  “Like your mom said,” he tells her, “let’s get you back into bed.  And you might feel all better in the morning.” He tucks her in, and they both kiss her goodnight and tell her she can come get them again if she needs anything.

“She has a fever?” he asks Scully as they’re heading back to their own bed.

Scully nods.  “A small one.  I think it’s just a bug.  But we’ll see how she’s doing tomorrow.”

“She’s got a good doctor in the house,” he says, and Scully manages a smile at that.

In the morning, Emily throws up again; Scully tends to her while Mulder goes to call the school. “They said they’re not surprised,” he says, coming back to Emily’s room, where Scully is tucking her back into bed. “There’s a stomach flu going around at the school.”

“That would explain it,” Scully says.  “Have other kids in your class been out sick, sweetheart?”

Emily nods. “Katie.  And Alex J.”

“Well, you’ll probably have to stay home for a couple of days,” Scully says.  “But I’ll stay with you, and we can do some fun things.”

“Will you read to me?” Emily asks.

“Of course I will,” Scully says.  “What book would you like?”

“Betsy-Tacy,” Emily says, after a minute, and Scully goes to get it from the shelf.  

“You’ll tell Skinner I’m not going to be in?” she asks, looking up at Mulder from her position next to the book case.

“You can count on me,” he says.  “Sure you don’t want me to stay?”

“We’ll be fine,” she says.  “I’ll call you to check in, though.”  He doesn’t protest this.  Since last year, when he and Scully got married and he officially adopted Emily, he’s taken on his share of everything—even the unpleasant tasks (taking Emily to the dentist), especially the pleasant ones (receiving elaborate crayon drawings with accompanying hugs)—but Scully still takes charge when it comes to sickness. This is partially because she knows more about it and partially because she’ll go crazy if she doesn’t get to; he stayed home with Emily once, when she had a bad cold, and Scully called them roughly every thirty minutes to see how she was doing.  So he’ll hold down the fort with the X-Files today, and Scully will spend the day with Emily, reading books and heating up soup.  He knows she worries, even though Emily hasn’t been really sick since those first days.  He worries with her.  But this time Emily will be okay, he thinks; it’s just a stomach flu, just something that’s going around the school.  He kisses them both goodbye before he goes.

He talks to Scully on the phone around noon—Emily’s napping, after having had some soup, and her fever is down a bit.  He leaves work a little early and stops at the store on the way home, where he picks up a coloring book and a Beanie Baby cat.  He comes into the apartment quietly, in case she’s sleeping again, but she’s awake; he finds the two of them sitting in Emily’s room, Scully reading to her again.  “Hi there,” he says.  “Feeling better, Em?”

“My stomach still hurts,” she says.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he says.  “I hope it feels better really soon.  Here, I brought you some things.  To keep you company while you have to stay home.”  He holds out the coloring book and the cat, and Emily’s eyes light up.

“Thank you, Daddy,” she says, taking the cat into her arms, looking at the tag to see what its name is.  Scully smiles too, watching her.  

“How was work?” she asks.

“Just paperwork,” he says.  “Boring without you.”

“Without being able to pawn it off on me, you mean,” she says, still smiling.

“When did I ever do that?” he asks.

“Mommy was reading me Betsy-Tacy,” Emily says. “But we’re almost finished.  Maybe we’ll read the second one tomorrow.  If I’m still sick.”

“Well, we certainly hope you’re not,” Scully says.  “But if you are, of course I’ll read to you.”

“Okay,” Emily says. She looks tired, and still a little flushed, but content.  

Emily throws up again the next morning, which means another day home from kindergarten.  She talks to Mulder when Scully calls him that afternoon.  “My stomach feels funny,” she says.  “And I had to have medicine.  But we’re reading Betsy-Tacy and Tib.  And I colored a picture of birds in the book you gave me.”

“I can’t wait to see it,” he tells her.  “You keep resting, sweetheart.  And listen to your mom, even if she gives you more medicine.  She’s a really good doctor, you know.”

“I know,” she says, sounding wiser than a five-year-old has any right to.  “But I still don’t like medicine.”

“Nobody does,” he says.  “But we all have to take it, from time to time.  Even if we don’t like it.”  He’s still not sure if he’s the right person to be giving lessons on doing things that are good for you even when you don’t like them.  He’s avoided that often enough.  But he’s Emily’s dad now, so it’s his job, and he’ll try to do the best with it he can.

Her stomach still hurts the next morning, but the fever is gone, and she doesn’t throw up again. By the evening, when he gets home, she’s feeling almost all better.  “I think we’ll keep you home tomorrow,” Scully says, “just in case.  And it’ll be Friday anyway.  But I bet you can go back on Monday.  Good as new.”  She smoothes Emily’s hair.

“Good as new,” Emily repeats.

He wakes suddenly on Friday morning, sure that Emily’s sick again; he hears the unmistakeable sounds of someone throwing up.  But when he goes to investigate, it’s Scully, bent over the toilet in their bathroom. “Oh, honey,” he says.  He kneels down beside her, putting one hand on her back, holding her hair with the other.  “Emily’s stomach flu?” he asks, when she’s finished and is sitting back, with a clammy look to her face that he’s seen on their daughter over the past week.

“Looks like it,” she says, disgust evident in her voice.  He doesn’t know which she hates more, seeing Emily sick or being sick herself. It’s a very close race.

“It’s okay,” he tells her.  “We’ll all stay home today.  I’ll take care of both of you.  All right?”

She nods—probably because she doesn’t have a choice—and he goes to call Skinner while she gets back into bed.  When Emily gets up, she’s a lot brighter and more energetic than she’s been, which he senses may pose a challenge.  “Your mom’s sick this morning,” he tells her.  “She has the stomach flu now too.”

Emily looks sober. “I could read to her now.  And she can color in my book if she wants.  There are still five pictures left.  She can have the one of the puppies.”  He can tell from the tone of her voice that this is a tremendous sacrifice.  

“I don’t think your mom would want to take that from you,” he says.

“Well, she can have another one of the pictures then,” Emily says.  “I’ll go give her the book right now.”  She starts for their bedroom, coloring book in hand.

“Em,” he says, calling her back; she turns and looks at him.  “Just be…gentle, okay?  Your mom doesn’t feel well, and she might just want to rest.”

Emily nods.  “I know,” she says.  “I just wanted to rest, all week.”  She looks very serious about it, so he makes sure he doesn’t laugh. “I’ll be very nice.”

“Okay,” he says, and Emily goes into the bedroom.

Scully declines the offer of a picture to color, but she suggests that Emily sit next to her and color one herself, which seems to suit her just as well.  Mulder brings tea for Scully and apple juice for Emily, and Emily insists on reading the end of Betsy-Tacy and Tib to her mom.  “Because you read to me all week,” she says.  Mulder sits next to them and listens too, as Emily carefully sounds out the words.

Emily seems to be feeling entirely better by the end of the day, and even Scully isn’t feeling as bad as she did in the morning.  “Maybe I don’t have Emily’s stomach flu after all,” she says, hopefully, as they sit around the kitchen table eating soup.

“That would be good,” Mulder says, “for all of us,” and she rolls her eyes at him.

But she’s throwing up again, the next morning, looking thoroughly annoyed with the entire situation. Mulder brings more soup, more tea, more crackers.  Emily offers to read another story.  “You’ll feel better soon, Mommy,” she says, brushing Scully’s hair back from her forehead with a gesture he’s seen Scully use on her many times.  She really does pick up everything.  It still astonishes him.

Emily’s stomach flu lasted five days, but Scully’s is still going strong after a week.  And then a week and a half.  “Will Mommy get better soon?” Emily asks him at breakfast one morning, when he’s trying to get her ready for school and check on Scully at the same time.

“I hope so, sweetheart,” Mulder says.  “Sometimes it just takes a little while.”

“Will she have to go to the hospital?”  Emily has a complicated fascination-repulsion relationship with the concept of hospitals, these days.

“Well, we hope she’ll get better on her own,” Mulder says, “but if she did go to the hospital, that wouldn’t be a terrible thing.  Hospitals are there to help people get better.  We’ve all been in hospitals, right?  Me and you and your mom.  And they’ve helped us all.”

“Yeah,” Emily says, but she sits there after that, pushing the cereal back and forth in the bowl with her spoon instead of finishing it.  

He decides he won’t push it.  “Your mom is so strong,” he says.  “She’s going to be fine.”  He gives her an extra hug when he drops her off that morning.  He thinks they both need it.

Because he’s more worried than he’ll show in front of Emily.  He’s beginning to think that Scully may have been right—that she doesn’t have Emily’s stomach flu—only he’s not so sure that’s a good thing, now. He’s afraid this might be something worse.  He can’t help thinking about four years ago, seeing her so sick.  And they weren’t even…now they have so much more to lose. Whatever he said to Emily, he doesn’t like the idea of Scully needing to go to the hospital.  But he doesn’t like the idea of her not going, either, if this isn’t just some ordinary illness.

He goes to check on her when he gets home; she’s lying in bed, trying to read the newspaper and looking clammy.  “How’re you feeling?” he asks.  

She shrugs. “I’ve been better.”

“Do you…”  He floats the suggestion cautiously.  “Do you think you might need to go to the doctor?”

“I am a doctor,” she says.

“Fully aware of that,” he says, trying to smile, trying not to jump to frightening conclusions. “But you can’t…I don’t know, look down your own throat.”

Her smile is weak, but at least she’s not too sick to smile.  “True.  But I’m fine, Mulder.  I’m just taking a little longer to get over this, that’s all.  It’s probably because we’ve been so busy recently.  You get run down.”

“Yeah,” he says.  “Yeah, you’re probably right.  Maybe we can take some extra time off in December, when Em’s off from school.  Go on vacation.  Somewhere warm.”

“Oh,” she says. “Oh, that sounds so nice,” and her smile is stronger now.

“Then it’s a plan,” he says.  “You just work on feeling better before then.”

“It’s only October, Mulder,” she says.  “I’m sure I’ll feel better soon.”

But she’s not better, the next week, and he decides that they can’t keep going on like this. “Scully,” he says, one morning when she’s just returned from throwing up in the bathroom for the third time.  He feels like he might be taking advantage of her weakened state, but if he can get her to go to the doctor, he doesn’t care. “You need to see a doctor about this.”

“No, I don’t,” she says.  “It’s just the stomach flu.”

“It’s not the stomach flu.”

“It is,” she says. “I caught it from Emily.”

“This is nothing like what Emily had,” he says.  “She got over it in five days, and she was feeling better all the time.  You’ve had this…whatever it is…for more than two weeks now.  And you keep feeling worse.  Don’t you?” She doesn’t answer, which he knows how to interpret.  “So it’s not the stomach flu.”

“Okay, maybe it’s not,” she says.  “But that doesn’t mean I need to see a doctor.”

“Yes, you do,” he says.  “Scully, I hate seeing you like this.”

“It’s not all about you.”

“Well, it’s more about you,” Mulder says, “but I think it’s about me a little.  We are married.  Last I checked, that meant I was allowed to worry about you.”

“There isn’t anything to worry about,” Scully says, but there’s no conviction in her words.

He sits down next to her on the bed, putting an arm around her shoulders.  “Hey,” he says, “what’s going on?  Why don’t you want to see a doctor?”  She doesn’t say anything.  “Honey,” he says, gently.  “Talk to me.”

“I don’t think it’s the stomach flu either,” she says, quietly.  “What if…what if I’m sick again, Mulder?”

“Well, I don’t think it’s the stomach flu,” Mulder says, “but it’s…it’s probably not anything that bad, Scully.  It wasn’t like this before, was it?  Not the same symptoms?”

She shakes her head. “No.  But that doesn’t mean…it still could be…I just don’t know.”

He holds her tight. “That’s why you need to see a doctor, honey.  It might be something that’s really easy to fix.  And even if it’s not…well, they’ll be able to take care of you.  Do something about it.  I don’t want you getting sicker.”

“I don’t want that either,” she says.  “Of course I don’t.”

“We need you,” he says.  “Me and Emily.  She’s worried about you too, you know.  So will you please go to see a doctor?”

She nods slowly. “Give me my phone,” she says. “I’ll make an appointment for tomorrow.”

The next morning, he half asks her if he can come along and half tells her that he will be coming; she seems to like the idea, though, especially since she doesn’t feel well enough for driving.  He holds her hand in the waiting room and sits next to her once she’s in with the doctor, explaining her symptoms, taking tests.  He holds her hand again while they’re waiting for the doctor to come back with the results.

She squeezes his hand, tightly.  “Did you think she sounded concerned?”

“I’d hope she’s concerned,” Mulder says.  “That’s her job.”

“You know what I mean,” Scully says.  “I mean, do you think she thought I was…?”  She trails off, a nervous look on her face.

“Scully, no,” he says. “We’re here now.  Let’s just…let’s just wait and hear what she has to tell us.” Doing that is hard for him too, but he tries to keep his voice calm, tries to reassure her as best he can. “Whatever happens,” he says, “I’ll be there.  With whatever you need.”

“I know you will,” Scully says.  “But Emily, Mulder.  She’s already been through so much…if I’m sick again…”

He doesn’t know what to say.  He doesn’t want to think about the possibilities.  “We’ll take care of each other,” he says.  “That’s a promise.”  He means it, but he feels like it doesn’t mean much.  Scully doesn’t say anything more, just holding his hand tightly until the doctor comes back in.

“I have your test results, Dana,” she announces.  “And I’m happy to say that you’re not ill.”

“What do you mean?” Scully asks.

“You’re pregnant,” the doctor says, and Mulder stares, because those were not words he expected to hear.  Not now, not about Scully, not about them.  “Based on the information you gave me, I’d say that you’re about two months along.”

“I…what?” Scully says. From the expression on her face, she’s as shocked as Mulder is, maybe even more so.  She keeps opening and closing her mouth, and she doesn’t seem able to form a complete sentence.  “I…what…how…but I can’t…”

“I know this can come as a surprise,” the doctor says.  “We’re happy to offer you help and resources—”

“No!  This is…it’s good,” Scully says.  Her hand is still lying against Mulder’s, and he takes it between both of his own; she gives him a stunned smile.  “I just…they said I couldn’t…how?”

The doctor looks a bit confused; since he’s the one here for moral support, Mulder figures he ought to try to explain to her.  “I...they said…”  He’s not feeling much more articulate than Scully is at the moment—this is too wondrous—but he makes his best effort.  “We thought she couldn’t get pregnant,” he manages.  “Not that we’re not happy…”  And that’s strange too, that he’s saying how he feels to this doctor, someone he’s never met before.  That the moment isn’t just him and Scully.  “Do you know why?”

“These things do happen,” the doctor says.  She doesn’t have a better explanation than they do, apparently.  Scully’s still gaping at him.

“Do you think…could we have a minute?” he finally says.  He wants to try to wrap his head around this, and he knows Scully does too, and he thinks they might be able to do that slightly better without the doctor.

“Of course,” she says. “I’ll be back soon with some more information for you.”  And she turns and goes.

“Mulder…” Scully breathes, once they’re alone.  “Mulder, I’m…did she just say…”

“I think so,” he says.  He presses her to him; maybe that will show her what he doesn’t have the words for now. “I think so.”

“How do you think…?”

“I don’t know,” he says.  “I mean, we have been doing plenty of what usually causes it…”  She laughs, but when she looks up at him there are tears in her eyes.  He feels them in his own, too.

“You’re happy about it too, right?” she says.  “I know we never thought…”

“Scully, of course I’m happy,” he says.  “How could I not be?”  He kisses her, the top of her head, her cheek, her lips.  He presses one hand to her belly, gently; she doesn’t look any different than she did ten minutes ago, of course, but this new knowledge makes everything feel like it’s changed.  “If this baby’s even half as amazing as Emily,” he tells her, “it’s going to be one of the greatest kids who ever lived.”  He pauses.  “I don’t like saying ‘it.’  When can we find out if it’s a boy or a girl?”

“Not this early, usually,” Scully says.  “Do you want to find out, though?”

It’s not a question he’s ever thought about.  It’s not a question he’s ever thought he would get to think about.  “I think so,” he says.  “If you do.”

“I think so too,” Scully says.  “Mulder…we’re going to have a baby.”  She kisses him again.  “I’m just…oh God, I’m so happy.”  She shakes her head.  “I still don’t understand how, though.”

“A miracle,” Mulder says.  “An impossible thing before breakfast.”

She laughs. “Maybe you’re right.  I didn’t have breakfast.”

“Do you feel like eating now?” he asks.  “It’s good for you to eat.  Right?”

“I think it’s good for everyone to eat, yes,” Scully says.  She hasn’t stopped smiling.  

“Well, when we get out of here, I’ll take you for breakfast.  Or lunch.  Or brunch. Or whatever meal it’s time for now,” he says.  They haven’t really been here that long, but it feels like it’s another epoch now.  “I told you I’d be here with whatever you needed, right?”

“You did,” Scully says.  “And I’m going to hold you to that.”

“I’d be offended if you didn’t,” he says, and he holds her close, and he kisses her again. They’re going to have a baby.  In the spring, they’ll have two children. He wonders how he got to be so lucky, all of a sudden.  That seems like its own miracle.

It’s almost one when they leave the doctor’s office, armed with informational pamphlets and the date of Scully’s next appointment.  They go to eat, smiling at each other across their meals, their hands touching on the tabletop.  Then they go to pick up Emily from kindergarten.

“We should still take that vacation,” Scully says on the drive over, “the one you were talking about last week.  We’re going to be extra busy soon, you know.”

“Good thinking,” he says.  

“And it’ll be nice to do that with Emily,” she adds, “while she’s still the baby.”

“Yeah,” he says, smiling.  “I hope she’ll be happy too, though.  When she finds out.”

“It’s a little early to tell her,” Scully says.  “But in a couple of months…I hope she will too.  It’ll be more change for her.”

“But some changes are good,” Mulder says, and Scully nods.  “And anyway, she’ll be happy today to see that you’re out of bed.”

That certainly proves to be the case.  “Mommy!” Emily squeals as they collect her outside her classroom.  They usually trade off with pick-up duty, but Mulder’s been doing it singlehanded for the last couple of weeks.  “You’re here!”

“I am,” Scully says, stooping down to hug her.  “And I’m very happy to be.”

“So you’re feeling better?” Emily asks, clinging to Scully’s hand as they walk back to the car.

“Yes, much better,” Scully says.  “I went to the doctor today, and she said there’s nothing wrong with me.  And I should be feeling all better soon.”

“That’s good,” Emily says.  “That’s so good.”

Emily insists that Scully sit in the back with her on the way home (Mulder keeps glancing at them in the rearview mirror), and when they get back to the apartment she drags her to sit with her on the couch while she colors.  Scully obliges, smiling, brushing back Emily’s hair, and Mulder joins them too, watching them both.  Scully catches his eye then, and they share a look over Emily’s head; he knows they’re both thinking about the future, about what they have coming.  There’ll be more time to talk about it later, but right now Emily wants them to show them her picture, and they turn to look at that.

[quackspot]

imagine someone just going 1-200 and you have to answer 200 questions for a stranger

well u better strap up becuase im about to do it

200: My crush’s name is: i dunno who do u think my crush’s name is199: I was born in: a year which is 2004198: I am really: a homo sapien197: My cellphone company is:  i think its samsung196: My eye color is: brown195: My shoe size is: 9 or 9.5 i think just 9194: My ring size is: WAIT RINGS HAD SIZES????? i dunno193: My height is: 5′4 ISH but i just say 5′4 because im actually really sensitive about my height and the less than an inch that brings me to 5′4 makes me somewhat happier with myself192: I am allergic to: maybe dustmites 191: My 1st car was: not yet190: My 1st job was: NOT YET189: Last book you read: technically a book called Dad Jokes theyre really funny jokes but if you mean story with plot then probably Grand & Humble unless if you include everything then yesterday i peeked in some books188: My bed is: a bed which i sleep in and that’s pretty much it actually i havent really made my bed in a while 187: My pet: jax and nibsy r the family pets jax is a shih-poo shihtzu poodle mix and nibsy is a cat186: My best friend: my brother185: My favorite shampoo is: shampoo184: Xbox or ps3: hard choice there’s xbox overall and little big planet this is actually a very hard choice lksiiro3jedsklmf,gsda little big planet is great........................183: Piggy banks are: piggy banks. theyre great182: In my pockets: I DONT HAVE POCKETS IM A WOMAN181: On my calendar: whats a calendar lol!!!!180: Marriage is: marriage 179: Spongebob can: dodod od odo dodooo178: My mom: IS GREAT i lov her shes a good mom177: The last three songs I bought were? i dont buy songs i listen to them176: Last YouTube video watched: i mean im listening to boyfriend big time rush on youtube right now but if you mean actual watching its snufkin saying “hi moomin” to moomin a quick 6 second clip175: How many cousins do you have? i duno174: Do you have any siblings? yeah173: Are your parents divorced? yeah172: Are you taller than your mom? probably not :(171: Do you play an instrument? i play the trumpet i did it today and it was really boring i dont want to go to any more graduations not even my own170: What did you do yesterday? things[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: not really but somewhat and i like it because its a fun little thing to put in fiction 168: Luck: yea im very lucky167: Fate: its my destiny to die someday . . .. .  in the futuuuuuuuuuuure

166: Yourself: as far as im aware no165: Aliens: yeah probably164: Heaven: i know it probably isnt real but i cant help believing163: Hell:i know it probably isnt real but i cant help believing162: God: only to blame them for stuff161: Horoscopes: yea theyre fun to read160: Soul mates: ehehehehehhe fun in fanfiction and would greatly b ok with it irl159: Ghosts: who else would hold my hand at night...... not even a ghost :) (but yea i do believe in them when i grow up i wana be a ghost)158: Gay Marriage: why wouldnt i believe in gay marriage 157: War: what is it good for156: Orbs: borb155: Magic: i like magic so i will believe in it [ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: yes153: Drunk or High: probably high i guess152: Phone or Online: ONLINE151: Red heads or Black haired: black haired 150: Blondes or Brunettes: BRUNETTES dude blondes r ok but i personally like darker hair149: Hot or cold: hot148: Summer or winter: SUMMER I HATE WINTER SO FUCKIGNT OASJKU*($@IRWJKOSDIUOKLJEZUDIFLK:LDSK:LKF:LJIODSKZVDJFKL mostly becuase i hate being cold and i hate snow becuase i have to shovel snow and its so cold147: Autumn or Spring: either one 146: Chocolate or vanilla: choc o late145: Night or Day: night144: Oranges or Apples: apples143: Curly or Straight hair: curly but i guess straight is ok142: McDonalds or Burger King: burbger king good milkshakese141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: idk uhh milk chocolate140: Mac or PC: pc139: Flip flops or high heals: neither......138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: ugly and rich i can just buy surgeries to make me prettier lmao137: Coke or Pepsi: coke136: Hillary or Obama: i dont wanna answer this :(((((( i dont like being bullied135: Burried or cremated: cremated babye put me in the flames ;3c134: Singing or Dancing: i like singing i like dancing i like trains 133: Coach or Chanel: what132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who are these people131: Small town or Big city: im just a mere small town babye ;3c big cities sound scary 130: Wal-Mart or Target: target has the good cheeseballs129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: i only know adam sandler128: Manicure or Pedicure: i dont do my nails 127: East Coast or West Coast: uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh both are coasts126: Your Birthday or Christmas: birthday i get more gifts then uwu125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate124: Disney or Six Flags: disney because idk what six flags is isnt it a restaurant or something123: Yankees or Red Sox: a baseball bat [ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: what is it good for!121: George Bush: idk 120: Gay Marriage: yeah gay rights119: The presidential election: im not that into politics so i dont understand the elections and i dont think their fair since i get all my facts from adam ruins everything this isnt even a joke118: Abortion: pro choice i dont giv a crap about some lifeless baby. its only alive if it can properly move its arms or cry or feel.117: MySpace: haha dead116: Reality TV: idk 115: Parents: theyre parents 114: Back stabbers: ow my back113: Ebay: website.... money112: Facebook: lizard man111: Work: what110: My Neighbors: idk who they are but my old neighbor was one of my best friends i should talk to him this summer109: Gas Prices: probably too high108: Designer Clothes: clothes107: College: something i dont plan on going to any time soon106: Sports: something i dont plan on doing any time soon105: My family: a family104: The future: spooky. very scary. idk what my job will be[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: idk (update it was today)102: Last time you ate: 4:13 ish i made ramne101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: i duno100: Cried in front of someone: today i suppose i almost cried???? maybe my dentist appointment a few weeks ago??99: Went to a movie theater: lego movie 2 i think98: Took a vacation: 6th grade im in 9th grade now its been like 3 years97: Swam in a pool: over 1 year i dont go to the pool anymore96: Changed a diaper: NEVER AND I NEVER PLAN ON IT95: Got my nails done: i duno94: Went to a wedding: i also dunno its been too long93: Broke a bone: not that i can recal92: Got a peircing: never and never will91: Broke the law: i duno90: Texted: just now i told my mommy to pick me up it wasl ike 1 hour ago[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: me88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my momy and nibsy and jax and probably zach but he’d already move out by the time i leave87: The last movie I saw: i dont remember probably lego movie 2 or osmething on tv86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: next year drama club85: The thing im not looking forward to: dying?????? idk man 84: People call me: moto moto (not really idk what they call me)83: The most difficult thing to do is: the most difficult thing82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never though i probs will someday81: My zodiac sign is: aquarius sun leo moon aries rising80: The first person i talked to today was: probably kiley79: First time you had a crush: kindergarten i think78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: myself77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: idk76: Right now I am talking to: nobody 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: *has a crisis over my future plans as i do not know*74: I have/will get a job: im gona work at target or burger king next year maybe it depends on if they like me73: Tomorrow: 5/20..............72: Today: today71: Next Summer: in a theater near u70: Next Weekend: my first summer weekend 69: I have these pets: I ALREAD YSAID WHAT PETS I HAVE I LOVE NIBSY WITH ALL MY HEART and jax with some extra parts of my heart68: The worst sound in the world: a sound67: The person that makes me cry the most is: me66: People that make you happy: me65: Last time I cried: ealier today64: My friends are: online63: My computer is: on62: My School: is a school61: My Car: nonexistent 60: I lose all respect for people who: are really mean and seem to hate people for being happy. people who make jokes that make me uncomfortable. i generally avoid them.59: The movie I cried at was: all of them58: Your hair color is: brown57: TV shows you watch: idk56: Favorite web site: idk probs youtube55: Your dream vacation: nowhere 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: A FEW WEEKS AGO I GOT STITCHES IN MY MOUTH AND IT REALLY HURT UGHGTUERIJOKFLDc53: How do you like your steak cooked: edible52: My room is: a room51: My favorite celebrity is: myslef..... just kidding idk any celebs 50: Where would you like to be: where i am 49: Do you want children: no 48: Ever been in love: hoo ha hoo ha i duno how love feels exactly47: Who’s your best friend: MY BROTHER46: More guy friends or girl friends: guys i think 99% of my friends are my brothers friends so45: One thing that makes you feel great is: being happy44: One person that you wish you could see right now: nobody right now but sometimes kiley43: Do you have a 5 year plan: 5 years??? haha no i only plan on using savings accounts to make a bit more money and MAYBE moving to kiley but idk for sure since i like my parents and my brother and my parents plan on driving around in an rv but idk man moving to another state would be HARD and im kinda lazy and i’d have to get a whole new driver’s license 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: no41: Have you pre-named your children: lmao all my ideas are jokes40: Last person I got mad at: probably myslef39: I would like to move to: my bed???????38: I wish I was a professional: personer. talker. socialer. [ My Favorites ]37: Candy: probably snickers or a salted nut roll36: Vehicle: big car. tahoe shape. tahoe size. idk. something like a tahoe thats my only reference35: President: I Don’t Care34: State visited: probably florida its the only one of 3 states i’ve been to33: Cellphone provider: what32: Athlete: WHAT31: Actor: idk 30: Actress: idk29: Singer: not me? me? idk28: Band: taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally hall??? ? ?? ? ?? ? ? ? I DONT KNOWIJ DSKJZLFKSJKLDSHDLfjklskl;fdkl;sfk;laf 27: Clothing store: i legit have like no faves god this is the hardest part26: Grocery store: target probably25: TV show: maybe the simpsons???24: Movie: idk ive seen a lot of movies23: Website: one of them22: Animal: one of them21: Theme park: universal studios20: Holiday: none of them theyre all ok but ??? meh19: Sport to watch: none.18: Sport to play: idk i dont like being competitive but??????? gym class is a fun sport! :)17: Magazine: none of them16: Book: one of them15: Day of the week: wednesday sounds like a good day. maybe sundays. 14: Beach: what13: Concert attended: frankly the only concerts i’ve been to are my own12: Thing to cook: probably ramen11: Food: cheeseballs??????? burger king milkshake, a drink?10: Restaurant: buuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrger kiiiiiiiiiiing?9: Radio station: 101.9 kelo eff emmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm8: Yankee candle scent: what7: Perfume: what6: Flower: what5: Color: red or purple4: Talk show host: wha

3: Comedian: i duno2: Dog breed: one of them1: Did you answer all these truthfully?  yeah i tried but i kinda gave up slightly after i came back from a graduation party though i also kind of gave up from the start so

[obfuscobble]

SO I got my hands on the Japan Animator Expo 2015 collection and I thought it a good time to rate each short because I have some very concise opinions.

1. Dragon Dentist 4/5 Girl volunteers to be a dragon's dentist in the midst of a war. Inventive, compelling, beautiful.  Works incredibly well as a short, managing to tell a story far longer than its timeframe without leaving us wondering what happened or what will happen.  A very strong start to the collection.

2. Hill Climb Girl 3/5 Girl wants to be a great bicyclist, and the first step is beating her friend up the hill to school. Pretty good for cel-shaded computer modelling.  If you like Yowamushi Pedal, you'll like this.  Not stand-out but it's an endearing.

3. ME!ME!ME! 4/5 Boy gets dunked on by his own objectification of women. A truly stand out music video not just for this collection but within the genre.  That said, you do have to rewatch it closely to glean its themes and true place as a condemnation of misogyny as seen through the self empowerment male fantasies used by the boy to combat his own misogynistic fear of female desire and deep shame over his otaku life.  And there is quite a lot of female objectification in his life.

4. Carnage 3/5 Gunslinging girl seeks revenge for her family and her arm. Great attention paid to the one armed gunslinging.  The conclusion openly and somberly lays out what will happen next as this old town must pay for its sins, even if it perpetuates the cycle of girls losing those they love.

5. Gundam key animation 1/5 Literally the key animation drawings from Gundam shown side to side with the classic footage. Pretty cool for animation nerds and gundam fans but otherwise not really compelling as a storytelling vehicle.  I have to take off points on that account, but it is really worth a watch to see the keys.

6. 20 min from Nishi Ogikubo Station 0/5 not actually 20 min long. Just kidding! 4/5 woman turns into a cockroach, much to man's dismay. The sketchy art style, soft colouring, and jittery movement add perfectly to the piece's theme, making them obviously intentional choices.  The piece is still fluidly put together, with inventive plays on human/cockroach interaction and the how's of being so small.  The woman as cockroach is envisioned naked, but I feel that this is presented in a naturalistic (ie she just shrunk out of her clothes) and not at all prurient way.  Didn't think I was going to like it as much as I did!

7. until You come to me 1/5 Oh Shinji boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling. Shinji silently misses Kaworu or five minutes. I mean I don't blame him but... Nothing happens, and if one has no inkling about Evangelion, this short has absolutely NO meaning.

8. Tomorrow from There 3/5 Woman avoids responsibilities, calls from her mom, and the creeping sense of adult dread, until she reconnects with her inner sense of joy. A wonderful counterpoint to ME!ME!ME! that focuses on universal human fears and dilemmas, without objectifying women.  Uplifting with a powerul backing song.  But I have to be honest and say that its visuals aren't going to stick with me as powerfully.

9. Electronic Superhuman Gridman 3/5 You are a human with the capacity for joy and wonder, so you will appreciate this heartfelt ode to super sentai live action and robot anime. Comes complete with character design details to reflect the rubber suits and even the tiny screw to hold on the back of a model's head.  Has nice internal logic about the Gridman.exe who fights monsters with the power of the electrical grid, such as circuit power ups and smashing a tv screen to get at the enemy.  Even for those unfamiliar with the tropes, it's just a fun 6 minutes.

10. Yamadeloid 3/5 An ode to historical fighter anime with neat brush-line visuals and fitting soundtrack. But it just didn't grab me by my heart's cockles like Gridman did, probably coming entirely down to what shows I grew up on.  It was also a lot more fourth wall breaking, which is entirely subjective for one's enjoyment, even from one short to another as you'll see.  So I'd like to give it a 2, but I know that nostalgia was the only thing inflating Gridman to a 3, so I'll be fair.

11. Power Plant No 33 2/5 What if we just... turned off our millenial facebook phones... and really lived.... yanno? The instantly gripping visuals of a society powered by a beast that creates electricity, which must then go on to fight a space robot, are immediately undermined by the totes not subtle digs against modern technology.  I get it, technology is literally a destructive beast.  I get it, we should unplug and learn to live freely.  The animation was great but the moral was giving me the feeling that I should get off a luddite's lawn.

12. Evangelion Another Impact Confidential 2/5 Tall woman looks for her daughter, finds hostile wasteland. But what a woman!

13. Kanón 3/5 A Japanese take on a Slavic philosophic parody of Jewish folk mythology, or, "On Solipsism." Actually fascinating as a piece.  It moves very very quickly though, leaving little time for the jokes and philosophy to set in, but I feel the frantic pace was meant to reinforce the confused, overworked, utterly helpless feelings that the main character was experiencing.  The fourth wall break right at the end completely charmed me and even elevated the piece.  Loses points for the inherent misogyny of the novel it was based on, but otherwise worth a watch for the curious, and one of the most interesting Japanese takes on Judaeo-Christian tradition I've seen.

14. Sex & Violence with Machspeed 0/5 Just because you admit that you're being gross for gross' sake doesn't mean you're not gross. Look I could get into it, but I just hated this one.  If you liked Panty and Stocking, maybe give it a try.

15. Obake-chan 3/5 A series of charming shorts about a girl who wants to be a spoopy ghost.

16. Tokio of the Moon's Shadow 4/5 Boy who has, I goddamn assure you, THE. SHINIEST. eyes in the universe saves earth and his radio penpal from a space creature. Come for the innovative mix of animation styles, stay for the dance sequence.  Just watch it.

17. Three Fallen Witnesses 2/5 Ambition: the Anime. Like seriously, this is the 3d animation equivalent of the Ambition games.  It's also a very ambitious premise, based on prosecuting attorneys using "DNA time travel" to gain evidence on a murder case.  Alas, I really feel it should have had longer to play in its world and the case itself.

18. The Diary of Ochibi 3/5 Edible stop motion is here!

19. I Can Friday by Day! 5/5 Tiny space squirrels fight tiny space rabbits, each piloting robot teenagers. Highly creative, wondrously fun, and yet with a good plot and even characterisation to hold it together past the visuals.  I'd love to see this as a short series, as I feel the premise, world, and character sketches could easily be filled out into a humourous and yet compelling larger narrative.

20a. ME!ME!ME! Chronic 1/5 Basically a remix.  Lacking the narrative of the original hurts it because then its just boobs and yonic symbolism and the guns that shoot them.  Still good music.

20b. The Making of Evangelion Another Impact Confidential 1/5 Interesting if you want to see how the short was designed and technically compiled.

21. Iconic Field 2/5 Never try to fit 13 episodes into 6 minutes. This is obviously angling to become a longer syndicated series but not only did they rush too many of their ideas and subplots into it, but they obviously ran out of money and production time.  Some shots are replaced with concept sketches, and there was no voice acting when clearly it was intended to be present.  It's creative in its character and mecha design, but the plot is another riff on the seeded earth hypothesis whose unanimated conclusion you can still see a mile away.

22. On a Gloomy Night Nippon Banzai! Nippon Banzai! Nippon Banzai! Nippon Banzai! Nippon Banzai! Nippon Banzai! Nippon Banzai! Nippon Banzai! Nippon Banzai! 1/5 Never try to fit 13 episodes into 6 minutes using Auld Lang Syne as your backing track.

23. Memoirs of Amorous Gentlemen 1/5 Honestly not sure how to classify this one.  It's about a sex worker, it's presented with a quite effective animation style, but in the end it's all about the sex worker accepting abuse from another as her tragic role in the world. Ehn.

24. Rapid Rouge 4/5 In the world of the techno-daimyo, there is only loss. BRILLIANT use of a limited colour palette.  Loses one point due to not fully delivering on the emotional character-sacrifice punch it wanted and for being unartfully open ended.  If it delivers on a second episode like it promises, I might amend my opinion.  It was so close to being perfect, yet didn't manage to get me to care enough about its characters in its short run time, unlike...

25. Hammerhead 5/5 Highly violent, yes, but emotionally impactful to the extreme; I cried both times I've watched it. Update: three times. Wonderful traditional animation, powerful emotional centre, and perhaps the best animation I've ever seen to portray a human's physical demeanour in deep emotional distress.  I absolutely recommend watching this.

26. Conte Hitman 3/5 Manzai routine with clever twists and turns.  Porque no los dos, the sketch.

[pbandjesse]

It snowed today! Its actually still snowing! I love it. It makes me feel like Im back in minneapolis and its all quiet and it smells good and it makes me really happy. I hope it keeps snowing and doesnt stop. I already have off tomorrow, but I want it to keep snowing then too. Im not over watching it yet. 

It was a really nice thing to wake up to. I couldnt fall asleep for a long time last night though.  It was a mix of wishing to see the snow and that I have an ulcer on my gums that was hurting me real bad. Its not so bad today but it for sure made going to sleep hard. 

But I slept alright once I was asleep. And I woke up to snow!! I didnt want to open the curtains at first. I was nervous it wasnt going to be amazing and I would be bummed. But James came in and said it was great and I was super pleased. 

James made me pancakes and I got dressed and felt real cute. I was very bundled��up. I decided it was the perfect day to wear the big sweater Steve got me for christmas. Im saying this like I dont wear it every night. But still! I was very cozy. And James liked my headband. I felt very cute. 

After pancakes and a little bit of animal crossing, we would just be enjoying watching the snow. But James wanted to go for a walk and I wanted to go out too. So we got very bundled and off we went. 

We walked down the middle park. We were sort of walking towards the wind so it was a little hard to see. But I felt all bundled and cute and soft. Everything was beautiful. It was also just fun to talk to James about minneapolis. And he threw a snowball at me and that was very silly. It was such a nice time. 

I started to get a little overheated as we walked so we headed back home. 

We got home and there was a package! It was a boardgame James got for us. We were both all snowy and damp though. So we got dried off and warmed up. 

I felt really tired after being outside though. I would chill on the couch for a while. James would work on figuring out if the dentist we go to takes our new insurance (they do!). And I would migrate to the studio to lay down. 

James took some pictures for the instagram because he's great. And I would eat pasta and not feel very well for about an hour. 

That bad feeling eventually passed though. James decided to go on a long walk to his parents, to get some exercise and enjoy the snow a bit more. And I got to be alone and work on art for a few hours. 

I made a new pattern for a bunny stuffed animal. I have some requests to try a few other things too, so Im going to try those this week. But we stuck to bunny today. Comfort zone. I also worked on my digital drawing and while the proportions are a little off I am really happy with it still. 

James let me know when he was on his way back. And it was nice to have him back here safe and warm. 

We would eventually play the new game. It was fun but I will need more time to understand all the parts. Its a detective game and its neat. Very well made too. James would make me soup and a grilled cheese for dinner. And eventually I would go dye my hair while he made cookies. 

He had trivia with his friends and I would play with my skates for a little bit before I washed my hair. Which was a whole thing. 

I took a bath after that. My throat has been hurting all day and that is frustrating. But it didnt take away how happy I felt and feel. 

It is almost time for bed. I dont have to go to work tomorrow. And Im just really happy about that. I hope it keeps snowing and you all have a great night tonight. 

Sleep well everyone! Take care of yourselves!

[juiceboxandcrackers]

Last night at The Estuary

I assume that every location has their own little groups where you can meet and greet and explore ALL OF THE BDSM THINGS... That being said, our area has two active groups. Through The Looking Glass (we haven’t been) and The Estuary. We discovered them on Fetlife and check out the actual location about a month ago. The people were so welcoming and they don’t seem to fuck around. There are rules. There are safeguards.

Last night was the second time there and even though we had a rocky start to the evening because of some stupid shit I did... it was a head first dive into open play. Open play at The Estuary means you can create a scene using any of the equipment and tools available to explore your kinks. They have a Saint Andrew’s cross, a queening chair (I think?), this massive metal wheel you can be tied to, a spanking bench, and hooks and things to be suspended from.

Side note: There are some talented shibari rope play folks in this group.

I prepped the hell out of myself for it because Daddy told me he was putting me on display. Shaved all of the things, spent a little more time on hair and makeup because it calms me and its almost ritualistic for me. I have to sit there and think about WHY I am doing it and all the eyes that will be on me. My anxiety was twitching. Daddy requested that my nipples be seen but since I need support and don’t want to feel completely naked, I got to wear this pretty quarter shelf bra that I got from Lane Bryant yeeeaaaars ago and never had a reason to wear it. Support AND the nipples are free for sensation play. Winning. I wore crotchless panties because Daddy also wanted me to wear the tail he bought me... for more sensation play.. we will get to that. Threw on some thigh highs, a cute skater dress, and some five-inch stilettos... BAM.. Livvie was PREPARED.

I have a playlist in my Apple Music titled “TIE LIVVIE TO THE BED” which was used for our scene. I need to add more stuff to it, but what was played was perfect for our first scene.

Note: Crazy Train is not actually on the list. It was just a song I introduced to the nugget earlier today.

We opened the scene with Until We Go Down.

Daddy had me stand in front of the Saint Andrews Cross as he knelt down and slowly removed my shoes and as he came up lifted and removed my dress. I don’t think I looked away from him from that moment on. You see... The Estuary has this dungeon room of sorts (where our scene was) and sort of above it is a viewing area where other members can quietly and respectfully watch whatever is going down in the dungeon. So basically I am being cuffed and chained facing forward in little to nothing. Just focus on Daddy. Don’t look at the peoples. I watched Daddy like a hawk until I couldn’t. Cuffed to a cross, he teasingly put hair clips on my nipples, stuck a ballgag in my mouth and then ....blindfolded me. Oh. My. Fuck. That is the most terrifying and freeing feeling in the whole goddamn world. Vulnerable is not a strong enough word.

Daddy is crafty with sensation play. One of the tools he used on me last night was a basic dental cleaning tool that your dentist uses on you.

The feeling you have when it is drug across the skin is similar to having a knife tip graze your skin.... just smaller. It leaves these fun little lines all over the skin. I hope for knife play next time though.

Please, Daddy?

Betcha he says, “Yes, Babygirl.” Betcha!

He ran that thing all over ever inch of visible skin on my body... my favorite areas for this tool are my sides. It hurts and tickles at the same time. I love that fucking sensation so much.

He used Blue, his 42-falls blue suede flogger in various levels impact on my skin. I will introduce you to Blue in another tumblr post. I am being lazy and not wanting to get off the couch until this is complete to go take a picture of Blue. I love Blue. It is my favorite toy ever. Daddy knows how to make it feel good... like a friggin massage... and also hurt like the hand of God lighting your ass up. But it never leaves a mark. We love that. Aside from the tiny scratches from the dental tool that will be gone by tomorrow, we are not fond of bruising and damage to the skin. Daddy takes great care in preventing that. He is the bestest. Besides... as a burlesque dancer, I do not need to be shaking my ass on stage looking like I got in a fight.

He used Mr. Pinky (vibe) on my clamped nipples before removing them, unhooking me from the cross and turning me around to cuff me back to it. Here is where shit gets real.

We have made friends with a lovely couple at The Estuary that go by Dragon and his little Cherry (she is this adorable pixie-like creature). Dragon let Daddy borrow a reed type impact toy to try on me. I protested a couple times before I was on the cross, but honestly... I knew I deserved what was coming to me after the aforementioned bullshit earlier in the evening. I wish I had snapped a picture of the thing to post here because me trying to describe it verbally is pointless.

All I can really say at this point is that it got my fucking attention. Little taps with it are actually quite nice... but when Daddy puts a little power behind it (doesn’t take much) it stings like hellfire. I am undecided if *I* like it, but I know Daddy loved it. I think he likes the noises that escape my mouth when he gets me with it.

There was a point when I was facing the wall where Daddy removed the gag...

“Let me hear you...” he said in my ear.

I am thankful for that. The ballgag we have is a little ... big and it is hard to hear anything when I am wearing it. And left in too long and I feel like I have lockjaw or something. I hope we can find one similar, but smaller because I actually do love being gagged.

But back to the commands whispered in the ear... fuuuuuuck that gets me all kinds of wet. Maybe its not even the commands really... just the dominant voice Daddy has that I have apparently been obsessed with and turned on by since we were kids. Daddy voice is a real thing and it is heaven.

The scene ended before I realized it and I wanted more... but I was already in subspace to the point of almost incoherent communication.

I don’t know who brought me the super soft blanket to wrap up in but it felt like microfiber heaven on my stinging back and ass. Cuddles in the Aftercare Room were nice and next time I am bringing my favorite koala in case Daddy needs to leave the room.

Quiet cuddles in a dark room after that scene were necessary. That was one of the most intense experiences of my life. Daddy called me his little exhibitionist. I think it is too soon to call me that. Haha. I mean... I don’t hate it, but I am still not quite sure I could do it without the blindfold to make me forget where I am.

We shall see.

I have no doubt there will be more scenes in the future. I am excited to see where things go.

We went to breakfast with Abracadabra and his sub, Blue. That was honestly the best way to end the night... breakfast at 5 a.m. with new kink friends. They are such nice folks. After my second time being around everyone, I am not even sure why I was scared to begin with.

Now... to get Daddy on the cross under Goddess Victoria. Muahahahahaha. 😈

[quizblr]

MBTI: What Flavor of Soap are You?

INFP:  Special order soap.  It tastes like bug spray and menthol.  This soap was made for certain purposes; being eaten was not one of them.  You congratulate yourself on being such a rebel as you begin to see the lights.  8/10

ENFP:  Children’s soap.  It smells and tastes exotic, but you’re not completely sure what it’s supposed to be.  The happy koala on the bottle isn’t much of a clue.  It’s a bit astringent.  It burns as you swallow.  You’re glad your tongue is clean, though.  You hiccup, and a bubble leaves your mouth.  5/10

INFJ:  Dishwasher soap.  Stronger than its cousin, dish soap, but significantly more likely to kill you.  It leaves a soft white powder residue on the burns it creates on your tongue.  This is somehow your aesthetic.  It tastes like a chemical burn and a Tumblr moodboard.  You’re pleased.  10/10

ENFJ:  Dish soap.  It smells like what someone who has never seen a real, whole coconut before would imagine that coconut to smell like.  It’s a bit slimy.  No matter how much you heave, you can’t seem to get the residue off of your tongue.  It begins to sting. 4/10

ISFP:  Hotel soap.  Completely horrible.  No matter what you do, you can’t get the taste out of your mouth afterwards.  You look at the crumpled wrapper on your borrowed bathroom counter.  You can’t decide if it’s brown or gray.  It was complimentary, so you really have nothing to complain about, you remind yourself.  There are bubbles in the cracks between your teeth. You hope this will trick your dentist into thinking you actually flossed tomorrow.  It does.  You feel triumphant as he scrapes the oily residue off of your incisors, perplexed.  You’ll never tell.  9/10

ESFP:  Handmade soap.  You smushed some stuff around in a bucket, and this is the resultant creation.  It tastes like oil-flavored toothpaste.  The ingredients you bought off of eBay probably weren’t poisonous.  You’re not sure how to get the stuff out of this bucket and into a usable container.  It will have to do – you decide this is probably more rustic anyway.  As one hand shoves another chunk into your mouth, the other increases the price of your soap tenfold on your Etsy store.  You smile in the dark, the light from your computer giving your soapy teeth a pallid glow.  Multicolored spots begin to dance in your eyes.  You take another bite. 7/10

ISFJ:  Microbead soap.  Tastes like a ruined environment and clogged waterways.  You’re not sure if fish are capable of feeling sad.  The beads scrape and scratch at your gums as you swish before you swallow.  You feel them peel away every unnecessary dead cell in your mouth.  You look into the empty bottle, wishing there was more.  You open another.  Your head begins to vibrate as your stomach begins to twist.  You comfort yourself with the knowledge that your blood will finally be clean. 6/10

ESFJ:  Bar soap.  The original.  The classic.  It tastes like your childhood – at least the parts when your mother caught you when you swore.  Nutty aftertaste with mild notes at the beginning, but now that you’ve finished chewing, it just tastes like soap.  You remember why you hated it.  You spit it out.  You wonder if you’ll go blind.  5/10

ISTP:  Hand soap.  Perfumey and bland.  It eases down your throat as you slurp from the opened bottle.  You wonder if it has been watered down.  You wonder whose soap this is.  You wonder how you ended up in this bathroom, in this house.  Your stomach begins to quelch as you stagger outside.  You lurch towards the next house, wondering if the soap in another bathroom will taste any different - if it will have answers.  It won’t.  3/10

ESTP:  Shampoo.  Creamy and metallic.  It goes down smoothly as you chug from the aesthetically-molded plastic bottle.  You hurry.  When it’s empty, you quietly slip from this shower, from this house.  You move through the night towards the house next door.  Maybe their selection will finally satiate you.  You will never be full.  9/10

ISTJ:  Expensive department store soap.  Salty and vaguely acrid.  It tastes like licking a grandma.  There’s a hint of alcohol – probably the perfumes.  You look around your dimly-lit bathroom as you sit on the edge of your tub and feel dead inside.  You look at the delicate lettering on the elegant packaging and feel alive.  You take another bite.  It flakes into beige icing between your teeth.  6/10

ESTJ:  Laundry soap.  It smells absolutely fantastic, but is so concentrated that you end up in the emergency room.  It tastes like deception and suds.  Tiny bubbles line your lips.  You realize you forgot to start the dryer before the ambulance came.  You can no longer tell if it’s the soap or you that’s foaming.  It’s soft.  You wonder if you’re finally clean as you begin to fade.  2/10

INTJ:  Novelty soap.  The fragrance of this bar is particularly powerful.  The smell is so strong that your brain is tricked into thinking it’s the flavor as well; this prevents you from noticing your discomfort as it slowly erodes away at your lips.  You stare at the box, trying to decide if Blue Strawberry Bonanza is a typo.  You’re not sure.  The prize inside lends extra crunch, but you’re spitting bubbles for an hour afterwards.  This is the worst $27 you have ever spent.  7/10

ENTJ:  Straight lye. It hurts. At a pH of 13, it’s obviously very efficient – but it will wash you away as well as the grime.  It burns.  At least you didn’t waste your money on one of those useless scented soaps.  Now it hurts AND burns.  You reassure yourself with your pragmatism as you begin to die.  It tastes like blood.  0/10 

INTP:  Holiday soap.  Special, fragrant, and full of glitter.  It tastes horrible when consumed, yet this is your fifth sip.  You take your sixth.  You look at the leering gingerbread man on the peeling sticker and don’t understand why he can’t taste the way he looks just this once.  You decide to give him another chance.  It doesn’t work.  He tastes the same.  2/10

ENTP:  Car wash soap.  You’ve never felt so alive, so powerful.  The industrial foam fills your mouth, your throat, your lungs.  It tastes like wax and fire.  This is what it means to be an extrovert.  The suds drip from your eyelashes just long enough for you to see the brushes heading towards you.  They’re coming.  You’re not afraid.  They said that you shouldn’t, that you couldn’t.  You raise your fists above your head and push out a gurgled scream.  You’ll show them.   1/10

[ourtenderlies]

I had a large cavity on my lower tight molar filled in September 2019. As I was about to leave, my dentist told me to watch for any pain in the next couple months because my toothbrush could take a turn for the worse and need a root canal. He said it would be severe pain that can keep you up at night. I never felt any post procedure pain or sensitivity.

Even though I had no issues, my tooth is a huge source of my anxiety. I always worry that I will get severe pain and be in a situation where I can't get it fixed or something. I worry I will need a root canal. I never felt pain but I still worry. Sometimes its light other times its heavy.

Today, my anxiety was high. I had a realistic dream that my tooth hurt. I couldn't tell if it was real or not. I didn't feel it again all day. I still don't know if it was part of my dream or not. I retake care of my teeth now. I get regular cleaning with one coming up next month. I watch the acidic food I eat. I try to limit soda sad drink more water. I have good oral hygiene. I don't really have much to worry about but I can't shake these feelings. I was feeling super anxious all day and didn't do much, but I am happy when I decided to put on some music and force myself to clean the kitchen when I just wanted to lounge. I am proud of myself. I wish I would have started painting to trim in our living room too but hey,I did a good job cleaning the kitchen when I didn't want to. Tomorrow, i am going to try to start pain though. I am proud of myself tonight!

[dansphlevels]

Could you do a fix where one of them goes the dentist please? You're an amazing writer.

This ask freaking haunted me. I can not tell you how many times my family or friends asked me what was wrong and I sobbed out “how am I supposed to write a story about them going to the DENTIST? What spin can I put on this? How has my life come to this?”

(Don’t let that keep you from ever sending in asks tho. I will write whatever stories you request, no matter how vague/detailed the prompt is. A little bit of challenge/emotional turmoil is necessary for the creative process.)

Words Aren’t Always Needed

Day 6 of 12 Days Of Prompts

Length: 2.5k

Summary: After a bad reaction to painkillers administered by his dentist, Dan loses the ability to speak for a few days. Which wouldn’t be that big of a deal if they didn’t have plans, including an important business meeting and going to the Star Wars premiere.

Or, the one where Dan loses his voice and Phil has to interpret for him like an extended, inappropriately timed game of charades.

TW: For light (but semi-frequent) cussing 

Dan certainly had his peculiarities. One of which being that he actually enjoyed going to the dentist.

Well, most of the time.

Daniel Howell, as in danisnotonfire from YouTube, as in ‘Dan and Phil’ Dan, was slightly different than many people due to his high tolerance for pain. This meant that he didn’t mind small bumps or bruising and that he seldom took painkillers unless they were really needed. It also meant that going to the dentist every six months wasn’t nearly as uncomfortable an experience as it was for others. Dan always left with his teeth feeling fresh and clean. What was the harm?

That was on a normal trip to the dentist, however.

This specific trip to the dentist was supposed to be no different. Dan would go, the dentist would poke around for a while, there’d be a little scrapey scrapey, then Dan would get a free toothbrush and be sent on his way. And Dan was an absolute slut for free toothbrushes. But instead, he found himself reclined in the dentist’s chair as the man towered over him, tapping the side of a needle with his knuckle. “This will make you go numb for the procedure. When the medicine wears off, your voice might still be slurred for a few hours, but should recover relatively quickly.”

The dentist lied. Because after the ‘relatively quick procedure’ was over, Dan’s voice wasn’t slurred, it was gone. When the dentist asked him to say something, all that came out was a squeak.

The dentist frowned. “That’s not right.”

No fucking shit, Dan thought, trying to avoid glaring at the doctor as he inspected his mouth and throat to see what the issue was. Fifteen minutes later, and Dan was sent out the door with the explanation of 'the numbing medicine seems to have had a small unexpected side effect. While uncommon, this has happened before, and your voice should likely return within the next few days.’

And, to top it all off, they were out of free toothbrushes.

So Dan was left with no voice, the lower half of his face still numb, and a goody bag with only floss in it. Floss.

Dan managed to get in a cab and hand him his phone with his address typed into it- his phone was on 7% battery, because God absolutely hated him- and was sent on his way. He was already almost home when he remembered to text Phil, and let him know what had happened.

To Phil: The dentist was horrible. He screwed up the numbing solution and now I’ve lost my voice for the next few days.

To Dan: Aww, I know how excited you were to goI’m sorry the dentist didn’t fulfill all of your scrapey dreams But you lost your voice? What about the event tomorrow?

And that’s how Dan ended up sitting in the backseat of a cab, banging his head against the window, because Fuck, they had plans tomorrow and how was Dan supposed to do anything when he couldn’t even speak?

—-

Phil was waiting for him when he got home.

He laughed when he saw Dan. “Is your face still numb? You look a little, um…” he didn’t need to finish his sentence.

Dan managed his best seriously, Phil expression and flicked his friend the middle finger before heading to his room to charge his phone.

That night was Phil’s turn to make dinner, which was good because otherwise they weren’t going to fucking eat, were they? Unfortunately, by then the painkillers had completely worn off and Dan’s jaw hurt to move too much, so he was unable to eat the fajitas. Finally, taking sympathy on him, Phil stopped making fun of him for thirty seconds so he could get Dan some applesauce.

“The shoes I ordered came in!“ Phil said when Dan was settled in with his applesauce and spoon. All of their normal spoons were dirty, so Phil had given him a decorative tea spoon that someone had given him. It was about half the size of a normal spoon and made Dan want to crawl under his duvet and never come out.

Still, Dan managed to give Phil a mildly interested look. Okay, that was a lie. But he did manage to not scowl at him, which was an improvement.

"They’re really cool Dan, they’re gold and like, scaly-” he giggled at Dan’s expression. “And shiny. Really shiny. Actually, they’re not gold, they’re more of a yellowish, copperish, I’m just going to keep talking because it’s not like you can interrupt me, and they fit really well…”

Dan set his tiny spoon on the table and picked up the cup of applesauce, bringing it to his face and trying to down it like a shot. Instead, a single glob fell out and went down the wrong pipe, resulting in Dan almost choking to death which would have been just awful, really, he wouldn’t accept the warm embrace of death at all on a day like this.

Dan was done with his applesauce after that. In fact, he decided then that he was done with that day in its entirety, and with a small salute to Phil, Dan headed off to his room to scroll on the Tumbs for a while and try to forget the day he’d had.

—-

The next day, Dan woke up and had almost forgotten about his loss of voice.

He went about his morning routine as always, scrolling on Tumblr for a while before getting up and making himself get ready for the day. His face was back to normal, which was good. Dan put on some of his nice-ish clothes and went to grab breakfast.

"Hey Dan, is your voice better?“ Phil asked when he saw him.

And Dan. Dan actually yipped. A full blown, injured puppy yip. And Phil gave him this look, like he was wondering if Dan had just been possessed or if he’d stepped on the LEGO Phil figurine again (which happened far more often than you would think, seeing as Dan’s LEGO figurine never fell off their whiteboard. Dan believed there was a conspiracy.)

Dan tried to explain himself, but all that came out was a squeak.

"I guess that’s a no,” Phil reasoned. “How are we supposed to even go to the things today? Should you just stay home?”

Dan shrugged, looking at Phil pointedly, like you should be able to figure this out because I don’t know.

Phil scratched the back of his head. “Well… you might as well come? I mean, you’re going to the Star Wars thing anyways-” Dan nodded vigorously “-so it’d probably be offensive if you skipped the meetings.”

Dan sighed, which he was still able to do just fine. He nodded and went to get his shoes, pouting all the way.

—-

In the car on the way to their meetings, Dan and Phil texted each other back and forth, even though they were sitting right next to each other.

They got to the official-looking office building and Dan climbed out of the cab as Phil paid for them. They walked in together, with Phil taking the lead slightly and Dan trailing behind, his hands stuffed in his jacket and his eyes on the floor. It was strange how the loss of his voice seemed to affect the rest of him; no one was trying to take to him, yet he still felt as though he wasn’t able to communicate properly.

They got to the queue. A chirpy seeming receptionist (who’d probably been there since five that morning and drunken her entire body weight in coffee) greeted them, letting Phil in with a chirpy “Floor 5!” But when Dan tried to follow, the turn dial didn’t let him through. “Sorry, I don’t think there’s anyone else authorized to go upstairs? If you’d like to take a seat, I can check.”

At this point, Dan had absolutely mastered his 'I’m so fucking done’ face, which he proceeded to show the receptionist.

And Phil hadn’t noticed. He’d kept walking along, turning a corner and was out of sight, and Dan couldn’t fucking yell to get his attention, because, well, he couldn’t fucking speak.

Dan aggressively gestured and pointed for the next thirty seconds before Phil came back, looking a little embarrassed. “Um, sorry. He’s with me.”

Damn fucking right I am, Dan thought as the receptionist apologized and let him through. He was still glaring as they started walking away.

"Sorry about that,“ Phil admitted sheepishly.

And Dan was so done with not being able to speak that he actually stopped walking, pulling Phil to a halt with him, and grabbed his shoulder, pulling him so close that Dan’s lips were almost touching his ear, and Dan managed to whisper in the quietest, raspiest voice imaginable, "Lit-rally fuck everything.”

Phil giggled, made a bad innuendo, etc etc. Dan smacked him on the arm. And they kept walking.

The meeting was, surprisingly, not as miserable as Dan expected. They came in and shook hands with everyone, Phil explaining that Dan couldn’t speak while Dan tried to smile instead of grimace. Then they got down to business.

This particular meeting had to do with new mercy that was to be released. It involved a lot of technical stuff, which, depending on the topic, Phil was either very good at or completely oblivious to. He and Dan usually split up the duties of remembering important things.

"We need to approve the styles of shirts as well. Did you have some in mind?“

Phil looked to Dan. "Um…”

Dan gestured like go on, you should know this. Phil just widened his eyes, to which Dan rolled his eyes in response. He gestured at his arms, tapping his wrist.

"A watch?“

Dan pinched the air above his wrist as if tugging at invisible cloth.

"Oh, long sleeves. And…”

Dan tapped on his shoulder, right where the cut off of short sleeves would be.

"And short sleeves.“

"What style of short sleeves?” One of the official looking business people asked.

Dan cupped the air under his chest, as if pushing up invisible boobs.

"Girl ones,“ Phil translated. "Like… you know those tighter fitting shirts that girls sometimes wear?”

"You mean a fitted T-shirt?“ One of the people supplied.

Dan nodded. "Yes!” Phil said. “And…”

Dan flexed his arms like a bodybuilder.

"Muscle shirts?“

He shook his head, pointing under the table to his crotch.

Phil looked a little uncomfortable. "Dan, I don’t think that’s exactly appropriate…”

Dan huffed. Finally, he reached over under the table and pulled Phil’s jacket up a little, grabbing onto the edge of his T-shirt.

"And normal T-shirts,“ Phil supplied. "Um… unisex ones.”

Dan nodded, giving him both thumbs up.

—-

Phil adjusted his bow tie in the mirror. There was a knock on his bedroom door, and he walked over quickly, opening it to reveal a suave looking Dan decked out in a completely white suit with a black dress shirt underneath. Dan leaned against the door, biting his lip, showing off his ensemble for Phil to admire.

"You look very dashing,“ Phil agreed, because though Dan hadn’t said anything aloud, his feelings towards the outfit were made clear with the prideful glint in his eyes.

Dan nodded in a you too. He stepped forwards, admiring Phil’s golden shoes.

"Pretty snazzy, right? I kind of based the whole outfit around them.” Phil tugged at his lapels, which were patterned with golden swirls. The rest of his suit was a formal black, save for a white dress shirt underneath.

Dan nodded in agreement, moving closer and adjusting Phil’s bow tie for him wordlessly. Phil had been wearing them for longer, but Dan had more of an eye for detail.

Wordlessly, they grabbed their phones and wallets and headed out front, Phil stepping into the road and catching the attention of a cabbie almost immediately. He stopped, and Phil climbed in, followed closely by Dan. They sat so close their legs touched without thinking. That’s just how they were comfortable.

It took a long time to get to the Royal Albert Hall where the premiere was being shown, mostly due to traffic. It was a big event, and if you weren’t going as a guest, you were going as press. Then, when they finally got there, they had to wait in line for ages just to get in, as everyone had to have their bags searched, because the princes were there, screeeeee!

"We could play i-spy!“ Phil suggested in excitement. Dan tried to let him down easily, gesturing at his throat like um, how? Then, when Phil insisted they try and make it work, they tried, and it didn’t work.

Dan pointed at himself, gesturing that he’d go instead, and Phil could guess. He scanned the room, his eyes locking on a hideous white dress shirt with polka dots on it. He nodded, pointing at his white jacket.

"It’s white,” Phil translated. Dan nodded in agreement, and Phil scanned the area.

"Those shoes that lady is wearing-“

Dan shook his head.

"That man’s white shirt.”

Dan saw where he was pointing, and shook his head again, smiling a little smugly.

"Is it one of the stormtroopers?“

Dan widened his eyes, peering over the heads of people to where Phil was pointing. He squeeeeed in excitement, one of the only noises he could still make, ignoring the looks he was sent.

"You have to take a picture with them!” Phil encouraged.

Dan gave him his trademarked 'duh’ expression, though this time, it came with a genuine smile. He puffed out his jacket a little, like you think I wore this for any other reason?

———-

They got the picture with the Storm Troopers, even though in order to do that they had to pose for the press, which both of them tried to avoid as much as possible. It was still sort of funny to think that people were actually interested in pictures of them, but Dan sort of doubted anyone in the press actually knew who they were. They just knew they were snazzy looking guests and that they must be important enough to have been invited to the event, so they didn’t question it.

Then, finally, they got to see the movie. And almost the whole time, they whispered back and forth, Dan’s whisper even quieter than Phil’s, but he still understood it. They’d been best friends for long enough that sometimes, words weren’t completely necessary. They could interpret each other’s expressions and general excitement almost as easily as they could interpret each other’s words.

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