#its getting the knowledge right
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Actively recalling the personality of every 4 year old i've ever known to try to write a 4 year old.
#thank god i used to teach preschool#at least i wont be writing baby talk#its getting the knowledge right#like.#they need intense curiosity#awareness of SOME rules#grasp of language but not quite grammar#she's wylls kid#so she has morals#she just doesn't know how to apply them#the world is still black and white#greys are starting to form#but it's very#good guy vs bad guy#and since their running#most people are bad guy
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Happy tdov to fat trans people. 🏳️⚧️ Biggest thing that helped me as a trans kid was seeing older fat trans people. There were a lot of really irritating "advice" posts going around early in my time on the internet with a lot of misinformation in them, but one that I constantly saw (in addition to people claiming you should wear your pants rediculously low or only wear button ups) were posts saying you had to lose weight to transition. Can confidently confirm that is completely untrue. 👍
#seal.txt#tdov#that 'sky and mike' image of the two old trans dudes hugging was one that I had saved to my phone as a trans teen#and i would look at it sometimes and just wonder how they had made it#idk its just nice knowing we live that long and its not a requirement to be skinnyin order to be respected and loved and get old#some of the old 'advice' posts i saw were really completely bizarre and a lot of them stick with me to this day in insecurities#this would have been 2016 ish tumblr so i know not that long ago but i would have been around 13 for reference#weird that i remember so many of the things i read back then. i could probably fill a post with things i was misinformed on due to Tumblr#specifically tumblrs run by people that i didnt really have the knowledge or awareness to understand probably didnt have my best interests#like 'trans rights ' blogs i would follow and not notice until much later were quite the opposite#this is the consequence of viewing social media before i knew all the secret codewords and my brain was much less developed than it is now
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are we the sins we have committed? are we the things we have endured? [...] who are we?
[ref]
#iwtv#iwtv amc#interview with the vampire#loumand#louis de pointe du lac#vampterview#armand#louis#ldpdl#iwtv spoilers#mine#*24#its gonna be so joever soon its the eye of the hurricane rn#when u both are defined by your relationships to others and find a role and a purpose in them. the brother the lover the leader. OK.#if i have identity issues and YOU have identity issues... who's steering the relationship?? its still armand but at least they can pretend#sorryyy i'll stop posting abt this show soon. or at least for a little while. maybe. probably. add pensive face with its ass out emoji here#1 funny thing abt ep3 was that when they started talking abt good and evil i laughed out loud and said can we get fucking sartre in here#jesus christ. and then sartre was sitting right there and schooled them + told them to stfu. gagged me a bit ngl#also something something hell is other people we are trapped by others' perceptions of us their judgement enters our knowledge of ourselves#you get it. im gonna go build weird houses in ts4. goodbye
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ehe
#14 days with you#14dayswithyou#14dwy#14dwy elanor#okback to my enclosure 🍖#the first image's dialogue if from first day! everything else mybrain#actually there are sketches that are from april last year i failed her so much i coudln't get anything right but now i feel better#also my brain can't understand how her clothes work but its ok its ok WAIT i think i was just iluminated while writting thistag what was th#ill keep that in mind next time i draw her i hope i don't forget#i was given unlimited knowledge for a split second what do i do now who did this that was scary#ok im going back to being OCpilled havea nice day
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HOW DOES IT FEEL TO HAVE CORRECTLY PREDICTED THE HEART SPOT ON BARNABY’S CHEST
IM IMMORTAL & NEVER GONNA DIE
#the Elation. the Smugness. the sheer Jubilation#IM A VERY SORE WINNER AND BABEY THESE DOGS ARE BARKINGGGGGGG#pacing in my room looking Insane as i point at random spots in the air and screeching I WAS RIGHT! I WAS RIGHT#im a fucking prophet smh#what i say thusly comes to pass... hear me speak and weep for the knowledge that you are receiving is divine#or something. My Ego Is Getting Too Big I Need To Be Deeply Wrong About Something. It Will Humble Me.#rambles from the bog#BUT THIS AINT THAT THING YEEEEEHAWWWWWWW#sorry. sorry#im riding the high of plushie + ad + pins + its the weekend#in short: :]c
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twitch please mr fires just got blasted by the forbidden magic alphabet can you have some sympathy
(context: i haven't stopped thinking about this ingame thing still. what kind of fucking duo is this)
#why do i feel like i haven't drawn in 10000 years#this was onna be a doodle then i started adding dialogue and got carried away but it's ok i had fun#i've never drawn a master before. sorry tormnting mr fires was the first time#well. it deserves it but y'know#i think this fires is inspired by prophet's design but i'm gonna be real i just blacked out and drew a lump with a robe on it 0 references#anyway twitch is not helping fires no mattr what the game tells me they are trying to get whatever they can out of this arrangement#and right now that is Forbidden Knowledge#and an opportunity to be so annoying#fred draws#twitchery#i guess this gets a#mr fires#tag?#wow. first of its kind
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"Uh, just this please," Steve said, handing the CD to the guy behind the counter.
He gave Steve a weird look. "Are you sure you want this?"
Steve nodded, sweating. "Yup."
"You do know it's Ozzy Osbourne, right?" the guy said, looking for the price. He glanced up at Steve; striped polo shirt, perfect swiped hair, and all. "It's not Wham! or ABBA. That'll be fifteen."
Steve handed him a twenty. "It's for my friend. He likes Ozzy. But he prefers Dio, but I much prefer Ozzy than Dio. So I will be buying this one, so I get to listen to it with him rather than having to listen to Dio." He took the bag the guy gave him. "But honestly, Mötley Crüe is my jam."
"Yeah man," the guy just looked weirded out, "here's your receipt."
Steve gave him finger guns. "Coolio, man," he said, trying to be slick, but he ended up tripping on the way out of the store.
#steve just getting into alt music or more metal music and eddie introducing him to these bands and artists#and he still looks like season two steve because thats funny to think of#and he does research on all these bands even though there's not much out there seeing as these bands only formed like ten years prior#but either way he's doing research and whatever and listening to music eddie supplies him with but eddie wants the either the new#ozzy or dio cd so steve uses his knowledge of past listening classes and chooses ozzy but he then meets this guy who works at the store#this guy is like beoski are you buying the right thing? this is not queen. this is some metal music not madonna#and steves like i know its for my boyfriend i mean best friend i mean friend#and then says that motley crue is his jam and dies inside because holy fuck he said jam and thats not metal at all#stranger things#steve harrington#steddie#eddie munson#mötley crüe#ozzy osbourne#dio band#dio#metal music
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I'm once again thinking about the missed opportunities to have Klaus and Kol bond more. Part of Klaus' whole motivation as a vampire is to get his werewolf part back and to finally be stronger than Mikael (sort of, I'm simplifying) both of which can be obtained by breaking his curse. But Kol? Kol is the only other original that can relate to having a fundamental part of themself ripped away from them. Klaus might not have known he was a werewolf until he killed, but he likely still had a connection he couldn't explain, as evident by him going to watch the wolves transform. And something he'd never been able to explain was now gone. He might only be able to realise the connection afterwards through its absence.
Kol though. Kol had grown up with magic, a connection to nature and the world around him in a way the rest of his siblings supposedly didn't have. And then he gets turned. And not only has his baby brother died, his father has just murdered him and the rest of his siblings after forcing them to drink human blood, which he'll later learn. Now, not only does he have to deal with the grief of Henrik's death and also his own but also the loss of his magic. A loss that's likely only worsened by Kol being a self-proclaimed child prodigy.
Kol is pretty much the only one who could understand what Klaus is going through with the binding of his wolf. We know Kol searched for ways to get his magic back/carry on practicing magic in the same way that Klaus was looking for ways to break his curse. While Klaus likely could still feel his wolf there despite being bound, Kol has no access to his magic anymore. I just think they should've been able to bond or connect over their shared loss of an intrinsic aspect of their selves at the hands of their parents
#TVD#The Mikaelsons#Kol Mikaelson#Klaus Mikaelson#briefly back on my the originals shouldve gotten to be a family goddammit and as someone from a big family im personally offended bs#i did right a lil snippet about them bonding over this that i havent posted yet for the joml verse but still think its an unexplored concep#need more witch!kol acknowledgement honestly. just need more content of my boy#anyway. klaus having a fascination with the moon and kol telling him about celestial events and how it affects his magic when theyre boys#klaus losing that connection to the moon feeling lost & extra tempermental feeling his wolf claw at its binds and vowing to break his curse#kol determined to get his magic back at any cost relating to that devasting loss and promising to help him find a loophole for his curse#kol who becomes extra reckless and determined when he learns that theres a way to break klaus' curse so maybe he can get his magic back too#that knowledge and recklessness combined with his loss of magic driving him to become the volatile vampire that we see#that leads to him being daggered repeatedly but that first time breaks something in that bond between him & klaus that never fully recovers#it makes him bitter and resentful only fueling his reckless behaviour particularly when there seems to be no leads on reclaiming his magic#that he becomes distant from his siblings in the process especially with finn still daggered but that distance only cements the idea#to his siblings that hes a danger and cant be trusted that he needs to be daggered if theyre to stay safe from mikael#the loss of his magic leading to his spiral as a vampire and him being ostracised by his family > actual tvdu kol canon#klaus being trapped in a room staring at the corpse of his little brother knowing he never repaired that relationship with him#and now he never can so he refuses to look away as penance and a reminder of his failings to his little brother#*edit: one of the reblogs on this post is the author of big bad wolf and honestly she does an amazing job at portraying the mikaelsons#as actual siblings if you havent read it its one of my favourites for characterisations but we need more 😭 i want it to be the norm
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finally finished my project of collecting voiceclaims that are as close as i can find for my hcs of the main HoO cast - just for funsies so it's not as perfect as I'd like but whatever, it was a neat exploration and exercise of me trying to think of literally any franchise for voice actors.
Leo got two cause I had trouble of finding good clips for the voiceclaim that's closers to my hcs for him (the second half of his section). Also got to play the fun game of digging through my art for decent doodles of each character.
Also fun fact, I am almost completely unfamiliar with 3 franchises in this video and was just digging for voice clips on youtube. Try to guess which ones.
#pjo#percy jackson#riordanverse#video#headcanon#headcanons#my art#jason also gets two but theyre the same so it doesnt count. and its mostly just cause silly. i had to.#and before anyone asks - ''is that Scaramouche's VA with Leo-?'' yes but i have zero genshin knowledge#and the voice he does for Scaramouche isnt quite what i have in mind for Leo#also 2nd fun fact i briefly considered Vash for Jason but then i realized. same VA as Lio#as hilarious as it would be to have Jason and Nico share a VA voiceclaim i will refrain#Piper's is a bit higher than i'd like but Michiru definitely has the right energy for what i imagine for her#when her voice dips lower that's a lot closer to what i imagine. the energy is close enough though that im fine with the pitch difference#Percy's is very amusing to me. like yeah no Percy has Haru energy. that works out great#normal Haru or abridged Haru? you decide#that is genuinely SUPER close to how i picture his voice though. everyone forgets Percy is a lil monotone and intimidating sometimes#let him be quiet and brooding but his internal monologue is just ''LIFE IS LIKE A HURRICANE~ HERE IN~ DUCKBURG~''#the voicelines in general are also just. so Percy. its so perfect im so pleased with that one#anyways. throws this into the ether#i might remake this if i can find closer voices - feel free to throw suggestions at me#also might try to make one for other characters if i can find good voiceclaims for them
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this nemesis ambition started out a little slow but I am getting closer to finding that bastard who killed my wife, and I’ll not rest a minute now that im far closer to on his trail
sorry got in character for a second
Anyways fun ambition so far very fucked up though
congratulations on joining the murder club anon!!!! depending on who you ask the name refers to either people who have murdered or people who have witnessed murder. usually both. actually extremely often both. it's a swell time you'll feel right at home (don't mind our collective skyglass knife collection in the back)
#im still not far into nemesis personally but im very much enjoying it#honestly in a weird way it feels like it's moving faster than HD did. which. is funny bc nemesis is like The gated behind item grinds quest#idk. HD was a fun slowburn where we adventured around gathering our rogues gallery before the action kicked in#nemesis on the other hand feels like im picking up halfway through a batman serial#fallen london#ask#it's WAY more fucked up right off the bat than HD was. honestly ive thought abt red honey for ages. that's so fucked up#and we LEAD with that?? Okay#definitely a horrors-filled ambition befitting caeru (the guy who's constantly going through horrors)#it really encourages you to get fucked up and freaky and in ur character's headspace at basically every step along the way#i only have HD to compare it too but HD was like. a lot more interpretative in comparison? at least to me. that's what it felt like#and i adore HD for that dont get me wrong here#HD just also waited until like. halfway through before it asked what the scoundrel actually Wanted out of its heart's desire#nemesis in comparison is right off the bat who died? who are you mourning? anguish. justice. there must be vengeance.#it's a delightfully different vibe!! i like it!!!#oh god sorry anon im doing the classic yin talking way too much in the tags thing again#i havent had much excuse to talk abt nemesis and what i think of it so far and of course its rp effects on caeru#but i do have a handful of thoughts on it#it's good. im liking it so far. it's starting very strong if nothing else. and i have no spoiler knowledge of what happens in the future#beyond the choice between rewards at the very end#and im SO curious how we'll get to that point. what horrors will we adventure through next? off we go to find out!#it's biggest glaring weakness so far is how horrendously grindy it is. and like. ive been warned and done my research ahead of time#im doing it on the same account im seeking. i knew what i was getting into. but also gots damn.#in comparison HD's 5-card lodgings and dreamgate feel like footnotes#anyway while im already way too deep into rambling did you know the honey trip gives you fate?? insane. why does it do that. hilarious even
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Say what you want about SNW but I REALLY loved the way in the episode where Pike sees the future where Jim is not the captain of the Enterprise lil glimpses we get of him having just insane professional chemistry with Spock.
Like across realities and in different universes, Kirk sees Spock across the room through a video transmission and calls him impressive. It's like a jolt, bullseye, and laser focus towards eachother before they even meet in person.
They instantly agree and see eachother's point of view. There's SPARKS. I genuinely felt watching this as if they were the only people in the room (and I feel like the camera work in that conference room helped with that - purposely).
Not to mention Jim's full body turn he does when he watches Spock leave, which to me definitely betrayed some kind of interest on Jim's part.
I get being mad at comphet Spock, (though TOS did comphet Spock also so 🤷) and I think if snw went in a slightly different direction with Chapel they could do something interesting and canon-compliant, which is a shame.
But after finishing the 1st season I really do feel the show only gets better (when they lay off the one liners a bit and focus more on the honestly pretty cool episode ideas they have), and it looks like it's done with love, attention to details and understanding, overall, what star trek is. (Which I can't say about some other star trek media cough cough).
But most importantly, at least for the sake of this post and for the sake of the ship that started modern fandom culture, I feel like they understand the gravity of K/S.
Now, I'm not deluding myself that they're going to 'get together' within SNW, if it's to keep with the tos timeline even in the slightest. And as much as I enjoy the show, it doesn't seem likely for it to be breaking any new grounds. Besides, at this point in time it would make no sense, considering there's no space for them to be together in TOS until season three at best. Any alternatives would either be either out of character, or simply upsetting (such as an on and off relationship, a breakup, things I don't want to think about 😞)
HOWEVER. They already made a hint Chapel is bisexual, and while they do try to generally keep with TOS canon - they diverge from it only when they think they are the point A from which they can get to point B, which is TOS. I don't always agree with their vision, but I can respect it. So I wouldn't be that surprised (though ecstatic) if they hinted at at least at Kirk being bisexual, here and there.
And in TOS canon Spirk is inescapable. If we ignore the romantic interpretation, which is already pretty hard to ignore, then in their capacity as soulmates - a part of canon that's impossible to ignore. And with as little Jim and Spock as we got so far, I think they understand that.
In SNW keeping Kirk and Spock apart messed up the whole timeline! You could say that Spock dying is what really messed it up, but we can clearly see the episode we've seen in TOS from a different perspective and things went south the moment Chris started to act. Both Kirk and Spock are there - both the same as in the regular timeline, in their respective duties. But they're not together and them not being together is so bad for the universe that Chris has to go back in time to tell himself to die (well not die but suffer from a horrific accident).
And if it doesn't feel extremely monumental, soulmate level shit idk what to tell you
#spirk#star trek snw#snw#i reeaally am surprised with how good this show is. i know the characterisation is controversial though like i said i get some of it#i get how they think itd get us from point a to point be#but otherwise the little details they get right make me tear up#the enterprise is so REAL AND ALIVE!#i absolutely LOVE uhura. i love her characterisation her motivations and her fears#i adore una. shes such a cool character#id like chapel more if she was an original character to be honest. just the knowledge that its supposed to be chapel has me a little 😣#but honestly its fine#oh I LOOOVE TPRING!#and most importantly. i love the plot points! fhe episodes idea and execution#where mbenga is navigating a storybook version of the enterprise... it was so charming but also so so very tos. and that's what i like#about this show is that it fundamentally understands what tos is. the whimsy and the social commentary#dont get me started about the episode with the CHILD oh my god. it was fantastic. it was sci fi it was horror it was#it slapped me in the face#yeah and while i adore spirk with every fibre of my being most criticisms of snw ignore the fact that they just met#and that it's supposed to be the past to tos ahh i could write a whole separate post about it#but i just cant believe people who hate snw but like a/os 🤨#one of these shows has all the wrong characterisation doesnt respect the source material and just doesnt understand what star trek is.#and it's not snw!
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Personally like to think when hanzo just joined overwatch he was very standoffish and whenever he'd join the conversation he'd say the most incredibly rude and out of pocket shit ever on of the basis of being blunt and true and get suprised when everyone gets silent and stares at him
#and its not bc hes autistic or blunt or anything hes just an unsocialized asscrack#imagine when genji introduced mercy to him he just “really? this is the girl you plan to wed...sheesh”#but really loudly thinking hes whispering and getting shocked when everyone hates him for a month.#“what yall say fuck me for” looking ass#overwatch#hanzo shimada#this and getting others nationality wrong even after they blatabtly told him 40 times#“oh yeah yeah china ik that already right” and hes talking to dva or some shit.#the shimada clan's education system is simply everything relating to the family history and it shows in hanzos knowledge teehee
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Growing up in an extremely ultra religious, cult-like family was a mindfuck for multiple reasons but that doesn't stop unfortunately, even when you escape. For example, see: The overwhelming feeling of boiling hatred and shame for who you used to be.
The angry hatred for the past person I used to be, the version of myself that mindlessly parroted my family's beliefs and listened to their every command, constantly simmered under my skin and invaded my every thought. I was embarrassed of what I used to be- even as I made friends of different ethnicities and faiths, as I listened and explored new ideas and worlds that I never knew existed, as I started the first LGBTQ+ club at my school and volunteered with kids who deserved so much more- there was always a little voice in the back of my head.
"They would hate you if they knew what you were. They would hate the horrendous teachings that were seared into your mind, the things that you used to say and believe. You are nothing but a pretender."
And it is true that my beliefs were bigoted in all the worst ways. It is true that I believed truly heart-wrenching things without a second thought and judged others in such harsh and unfair ways. I told myself that there was no coming back from that, not really. There was nothing I could do to ever make up for it.
Then I remembered that the person who said those things wore velcro light up sneakers and collected finger puppets that the librarians handed out as awards for reading picture books. The person that held signs at pro-life rallies and anti-LGBTQ+ protests had a cherished sticker book and hunted minnows in the creek after school and adored their puffle on club penguin and was really into greek mythology and had skinned knees from climbing trees at recess and knew every Disney song by heart and was absolutely terrified of the dark.
That person was a child.
I was a child.
It took a really long time. Years and years of reflection and distance, but I've decided that I can't hate the past version of myself anymore. I feel pity and remorse, I feel anger- I feel so much fury and violent rage- at what my childhood was and I grieve what could- no, should- have been, but I no longer resent who I was.
I'm not ashamed.
I am so, so, so unbelievably proud of that little kid. For being brave enough to leave the comfort and safety of what I was told was right. For not being afraid to be wrong. For seeking out information and knowledge in a culture that praised ignorance. For questioning everything, relentlessly.
I am by no means a perfect person, I never have been and I never will, but I am proud of myself in every iteration that has ever existed because I know that I have never stopped trying to understand and learn and grow, and I never will.
If you have ever been in a similar situation and feel similar things, first of all: My condolences on your lost childhood. Second of all: Please be nice to that past version of yourself and recognize all the hard work they did to make you who you are today. That person was a survivor and an inspiration. They deserve nothing but love.
#started anti depressants recently. kinda had an epiphany. i can't hate who i was. if i met me now i wouldn't blame that tiny child#for their rancid beliefs or for being dragged to protests. because thats a CHILD. i HAVE met kids in that position and i feel nothing but#pity and anger on their behalf. so why am i holding that version of myself to a higher standard?#i could not have known what i know now at 6 or 8 or 10. the same way that i could not have written a college level essay at that age#but i did what i could. in my own 8 y/o way. i believed in love and humanity and happiness. i was just misguided in the 'hows' of it all#and i am so so so so so proud. of every single microscopic step that i took. every question i asked. every thought that i hid and protected#and pondered secretly at night until new ideas and doubts bloomed like a dandelion through the pavement#and I'm so proud that i chased that doubt. that i asked why why why why until their ears bled and their voices were raw#until their answers stopped adding up. until i sought knowledge elsewhere with a mind dehydrated and malnourished and begging for knowledge#in any form i could get. i just. if i could hug that kid? if i could right now reach out and give that terrified and lonely child a hug?#i would. a million times over.#anyway sorry for the intense personal rant I'm just going through it rn and I'm like.... actually feeling alright#its wild. did you guys know about this??? anti depressants make you NOT depressed??? shits insane fam#irl#personal
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hm ok so for a while i was thinking that Wally, for the most part, only perceives reality as "Home", the neighborhood. that's his entire world, it's all he knows
but then i slapped myself and went wait. the Live Interview. Wally has been outside of Home, and has interacted with humans (presuming that the interview did actually happen, of course). and through Wally's interactions - or rather, attempt at interactions with Us, the QA, and the WHRP, it can be strongly assumed that he knows that there's an Elsewhere. there are places outside of Home. maybe he doesn't quite understand that there's another reality of sorts, but there's no way he's unaware that there's more than just the neighborhood out there
(and then of course there's the fact that Clown has said that humans are deeply involved (not a direct quote, im paraphrasing) in Welcome Home. maybe Wally interacted with them / regularly interacted with them. there could have been an adjustment period after he gained consciousness where humans helped him learn how to walk/talk/fine motor skills - this could be why he has such a seemingly inherent / desperate trust in Us & the WHRP & the QA... humans made him and cared for him. it's possible he could view them as a sort of higher power to trust & have faith in
& maybe he's been off-set or could go off-set. i mean, the houses' rooms were all different sets - the buildings themselves were empty husks, right? who's to say Wally wouldn't physically walk to the individual set pieces whenever he went over to someone's house (but then that leads me into speculation on how the puppets' consciousness works and how multiple copies of them could co-exist and wondering which is the - im getting off track. but there's all of that and then the two part "you're okay!" art pieces of Wally & Eddie, which are technically canon - dont quote me on that - and that's Another ramble/theory post i could go on about & have strong feelings on. Anyway!)
"but wait," i hear someone protest, "what about Barnaby? he was in the Live Interview too"
but was he? was he really? was that Barnaby, or was that a person in a suit playing the character Barnaby B. Beagle? i mean, if it was Barnaby, there had to be some memory fuckery going on that prevented him from either fully comprehending/realizing the situation, or just made him forget as soon as it was over.
and actually wait, Wally has to be aware of the reality discrepancy. because it was certainly him in the Interview as himself. He had to have understood on some level that either that wasn't really Barnaby, or that Barnaby wouldn't remember the interview.
(there's a connection in my head between all of this & how he would view an apple pie. "it isn't the same anymore. something's different". but i can't pin it down for the life of me.)
and with the Talking Telephone calls, Wally explicitly tells Us that he's not going to tell anyone who was behind the calls. i remember listening to the "original" prank call audio tests, which while were very similar to the canon in-website ones, have a few changes. one of which was Wally - in the tests - saying that the others weren't ready to meet Us yet. now in canon that tidbit has been swapped out for "You have to go too. You have work to do" but i think it's still implied through Wally's purposeful withholding-of-information that he doesn't think the others are ready to know. or he straight up doesn't want them to know
i mean, one little theory i previously had is that Wally wants them all to catch on to the nature of their reality and situation, but he doesn't want to - or Can't - tell them outright. they have to figure it out. and that can't was either something keeping him quiet, or because if they learned too soon / inorganically, their little puppet heads would pop into confetti like Red Guy's in dhmis 4
However my views have Changed and i'm pretty sure Wally is purposefully not telling anyone to maintain the illusion that everything is fine and can continue on as it always has. maybe it comes from a place of protectiveness, of love? whatever the motive i think he wants them all to keep being unaware and dare i say, Complacent while he "fixes" their situation.
which is delusional, but we all know Wally is digging his metaphorical claws into a desperate bid to keep everything the same / return it to its original state, leaving bloody scratches in something already rotted. or something like that!
all this to say i think it's interesting how it seems that he's the only one aware of humans / an outside/other world, yet he's so determined to stay in his lane. he wants connection & communication yet he doesn't want to leave or change. he wants help in keeping things the same (some could say in keeping Our reality & his separated) but in the process he's dooming everyone/everything and tearing down those walls himself
(Wally: i'm going to stay where i am, and you're gonna stay where you are, and we're gonna help each other keep me and my friends where we're meant to be. anyway i wonder what this sledgehammer does)
#this is a very disjointed ramble but when are they ever put together!#i have to start at point a to get to point 36 yk yk#trying to write down my thoughts is like trying to keep a firm grip on a lubed up ferret#SOAPED!!! SOAPED UP!!! I MEANT SOAP yk that doesnt make it any better. anyway moving on dont look at me#its. its. the more i think about wally the more i go insane#like he's got neurosis stacked on neurosis stacked on-#there is something soooo wrong with him <3#homebogging#welcome home speculation#wh speculation#i do think his heart is in the right place. i do think he's trying to achieve something he thinks is good & best for everyone#but... despite being aware of more than his friends... technically knowing more Truth than them#he's more trapped by that knowledge. he's ruled by it. and he doesn't really have the -#i dont want to say capacity bc i have to believe that he Can change. he just doesnt know how / currently doesnt want to / is too scared to#but he doesn't have the freedom the others have. bc in their ignorance they can ignore their confines#in a way they're more real than wally despite living in a fabricated world as fabricated people with fabricated lives#they're authentic in their ignorance#and ive said it before and ill say it again - wally was created as a blank slate while everyone else already had a Foundation#no matter how false their memories are they Have them. they have the tools to change and want change#they already perceive themselves as more than what they were made for. they think they're People (not humans - people) dont they?#so if they learn theyre trapped... they'll want out. meanwhile wally is already stuck bc while they have - in a way - More#the neighborhood & the show are all wally has. he knows there's outside but he doesnt have any reason to Want that outside#bc why would he want to leave home? why would he want anything to change? it's his sole purpose isnt it?#idk i just think wally would benefit from being told 'you dont need a purpose / you dont need to adhere to a purpose / you are enough as Yo#doing what You want. you can just Be'#but yk. what was i talking about again#oh yeah - wally is so so aware and yet so in the dark#he's got one half of the puzzle but they're all corner/edge pieces and he's trying to fill the inside space with Nothing#hm. i wonder if he'll end up needing the other neighbors to help finish the puzzle... who's to say who's to say!!#FUCK YOU TUMBLR I HAD MORE TO SAY. CUT OFF AGAIN AGH
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Love being able to write. I can do whatever i want. I can make Ryuji interact w Lala-chan and u literally cant stop me.
#chattin#i feel like shinjuku and crossroads doesnt get enough love#ohya and lala dont get enough love 😭#if they had an option to work there as a parttimer some how my akira wouldve absolutely taken it#u never see the place packed or w customers at all; it just feels cozy every time u go there#akira doesnt have a lot of places free from prying eyes; so id imagine he goes there often to just hang and study#catch up w ohya and get a bit of knowledge and validation from lala#like shes so sweet. i love her. she comes across as wise without being unapproachable#she makes comments she shouldnt (talking about ohyas job and history) bc she just forgot that she shouldnt lol#adamant about not letting him drink while hes there. its like. a safe space for him.#and i think hed like to invite his friends into his safe space; esp ryuji#gets to a point where even ryuji stops by on his own sometimes.#hes got questions but hes always in his head; never says it out loud#but it leads him in the right direction almost all the time#im thinkin of him having like. the most base level internalized homophobia and transphobia#like the kind of shit you just pick up as a child and teen and never question#and u kinda make fun of it bc everyone else is. but akira stumbles into his life and makes it so confusing#like. i dont think hed be trans. but akira would make him second guess alot about himself#about what he likes. what hes into. what hes okay w doing w someone like akira#and lala is like. u got that look in ur eyes kid. come sit.#doesnt entirely get it. but he feels a little lighter. not on labels but on his feelings#‘kid. u think of the ideal person and u think of him. at that point; it dont matter what bits he got.’#and its blunt and MAYBE it gets him a little flustered. but hes always responded well to blunt words. no beating around the bush#makes his brain confront shit head on without the second guessing hed suffer through when left on his own#WAA. rambling.#gonna see if i can draft this up at some point
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thinking about 4halo again and dying
they just. they used to be so sweet together. and then the election arc managed to genuinely turn them against each other (and bad is still affected by being caged in the museum) and i would NOT have been surprised if a rebellion had started within the next few weeks after their last fight and. they used to be friends and then they almost destroyed each other
and then the eggs went missing
and there are so many parallels between them, but one of the biggest parallels is how they're both protectors. they both protected the eggs (and, when he became president, forever extended that protection to the other islanders) but the eggs went missing and they had to put all of that aside. Forever was quicker to put it down than Bad was (it felt like only a very temporary truce, from Bad's end), but they put their problems on hold, because their eggs. were gone.
and another parallel. the destruction. both of them with their plans to cause ruin because then, maybe, theyll get their kids back. bad caused most of the grieving arc damage directly, and got aypierre and antoine to help him. he dug holes in the ground. he placed mines everywhere and leapt into them. he started the lavacasting process of the fed building (and was interrupted by admins, so he stopped, but philza and fit were still right to laugh at him lmaoo). he drilled a hole through the side of the federation office from a huge distance away. he has chosen to hurt his friends and himself to get the eggs back. whatever the cost.
forever destroyed the island. or he planned to destroy the island. or he was interrupted just before he destroyed the island or or or. I don't know. but it was big, and it was bad. bad enough that the feds had to step in and forcefully drug him, and kickstart the happy pills arc.
and the happy pills arc..... oughghghgh as fucking awful as it was for their characters to experience i genuinely truly think that it saved them from each other. when he was first told about forever being fucked up bad was still in the "i need to kick his butt" mindset, and was all ready for an excuse to kill forever. and then he saw forever. and the first proposal happened. and bad was angry and he was sad and upset and he was careful. forever tried to kill him. bad decided to save him. forever kept trying to marry him. forever kept taking the pills. forever was so scared of his own anger and all of the damage he could and would have caused to his family that he kept taking drugs that kept him so out of his mind he hallucinated his son was just sleeping safely at his house.
and they both tried to kill each other. and they both failed.
and bad showed phil and cellbit (and tubbo) the item scanner that dapper discovered, which could destroy him, because nothing else was working. because they needed to save forever. because bad was reminded by then that forever was a victim of the federation instead of just a mouthpiece for it. and then when forever woke up he saw bad, suffering, and so excited to see him awake.
and now they're here on opposite sides again with forever projecting his protection urges onto the fed worker in bad's basement and bad frustrated that he isn't being believed and his evil plans of giving ron lemons apology brownies is being interrupted and. look at them. soft "i hate you" and the appreciation room and bad's quiet heartbreak when he learned about forever being missing and the "i miss you" book bad got mad at because it asked him not to torture fed workers. does anyone hear me im so ill about them. do you understand they care about each other so much and the happy pills arc reminded them of that. forever realized bad is colourblind and bad assumed forever was poisoning him and then forever helped bad cheat on another colourblindness test and forever was giving bad flowers and bad was accepting them and accepted that he was colourblind despite his previously constant denial and! i don't know if im being comprehensible and i dont really care i will be honest i just need you to know i am frothing at the mouth like a rabid little beast. they are a TRAGEDY of miscommunication and external pressure but they love so so much. platonic or romantic or qpp they CARE and it tears me to shreds
#qsmp#4halo#i feel like ive talked about this exact thing like three separate times but#its one of those things that really Kills Me#and its CRUCIAL to understanding them and their relationship#they were fighting and now have found peace in hell#and forever using his care for bad as a distraction to not focus on his Own woes#and the way he's so sure bad needs help the way he was helped that at heart bad is a good person who doesnt want to be hurting people#and in a Way he's right. bad doesn't want to hurt his loved ones. everyone else? yeah. in a heartbeat. but his family...#but he's still makign the choice to do it. it's not lashign out in desperation the way forever destroying the island was#bad is hurting people with Purpose. he's putting thought into it. he's testing people and their knowledge and their motivations and he will#use them all as tools that can be bent and broken if it means they get the eggs back. he'll do it to himself too#especially to himself#ghhhgrhrgh the way theyre both self sacrificial and self destructive the Parallels the fucking parallels#i can best examine their relationship from a bbh pov and it agonizes me because i can't get all the nuance of forever's pov#because i dont speak portuguese yet :c#so best i can do is talk crazy about them like a Lure for other analyst shippers#pspspssps dont you see my ship. dont you see how canon 4halo is !!! in 8 acts#dont you want to examine them and their parallels and the way they are both so strange about relationships but they're finding a way to car#in a way that works for them#pspspsps#like me talking about qbbh vacation arc got the fandom acknowledging his sillies and directly got me a friend to talk about him to (hi kia!#maybe it will work here also#come to the dark side we have complex relationship dynamics that are frequently misunderstood and mislabelled#YOU can help change the world
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