#its enough being alive to meet any big or smaller goal

[akeisaa]

To find love and be love in all things you do in life is enough of a goal for me now... I just want a partner/family group to serve and love and make happy.

[warsofasoiaf]

I'd love to hear your thoughts about Cyberpunk 2077 when you are ready/have finished the game. Maybe besides the game itself you have an opinion about the crunch, bugs and general feeling of disappointment in a good portion of the fans

Sure thing. It’s going to be a long write-up and there are going to be spoilers, so you better believe that this is going to have a cut. Reader beware. For context, I have beat the game, and I played it on PC and only on PC.

I’ve been a fan of the cyberpunk genre for a long time. Transhuman and techno-utopian sci-fi always struck me the wrong way; that it was too optimistic and ignored a less savory element of human nature that simply would not go away with the advent of new technologies. While I only briefly dipped my toes in the water of the Cyberpunk tabletop game (I was always a bigger fan of Shadowrun), I did enjoy the genre and was eager to see a AAA cyberpunk game. I also really liked CD Projekt Red with what they did with RPG’s like the Witcher 3. Particularly when it came to the smaller sidequests, they really found a way to bring a lot of noir elements and hard-hitting character moments to the game, and I believed that it could translate very well into a cyberpunk game. After all, noir was a similar response to detective fiction to what the cyberpunk genre was to earlier elements of sci-fi. So I was quite optimistic when it came out. What we got was...well, it didn’t quite meet up with expectations.

There are some good things about the game. Assuming you have a beefy rig, PC cyberpunk looks pretty good. Not only does it look good, but it looks like the dismal 1980′s inspired future that had defined the genre, with its neon lights, omnipresent advertising to the point of satire (amphetamines are available from vending machines in a variety of flavors and commercials are completely ridiculous). The fixers are great examples of different cyberpunk archetypes like Regina Jones being a media or the Padre being an underclass civic leader looking to protect his community with a bit of a violent streak. Plenty of the characters had great personality, the nomads and Panam were enjoyable, Judy had a great questline that detailed optimism and bitter disappointment (and the character looks cool and is a bit of a cinnamon roll), River’s quest was a perfectly serviceable cop questline with enough horror elements, they were all fine. Keanu wasn’t a great voice actor, but he did serviceably and was apparently just wonderful with the staff, so I’m willing to cut him a pass. The level design can encourage a variety of different play styles, with attribute points opening up certain pathways. Given that it’s an open-world sandbox game, the goal should be to immerse yourself in the world, and touch on elements of cyberpunk as you go through the various quests, and you do see some of that. You see the gross exploitations of dolls in the sex trade when you go to Clouds, the bizarre elements of self-expression that new technologies can offer such as the twins in Kabuki, Pacifica is an abandoned recreation ground for the rich with the nice image of rotting Ferris wheels and abandoned malls, and you can see the divide between the have’s and have-not’s on full display both in the opening (compare and contrast the Street Kid with the Corpo beginnings) or take a look at the Peralez’s penthouse apartment versus Judy’s cramped digs. Honestly, one of my favorite things in the game were just the consumables to highlight the different food and drink available to the people of Night City. The heavy population means that foods like fried ants or locust pepperoni are common, amphetamines are available in a variety of flavors, and there are no less than 20 burrito vending machines on every street (the future is not all bad it seems). I like little worldbuilding moments like this in video games because it does give a sense of completion and immersion within the world. I honestly felt bad for Johnny Silverhand, because by the end of the game I had to be a bloated man-ball of Holobites Peach Pie and Cirrus Cola. 

The game even took a few things that had aged poorly in the cyberpunk genre and improved them. The Mox is a gang specifically meant to stop the Disposable Sex Worker trope, it’s small and part of the reason it survives is that it’s small, but it offers a chance of improvement over the exploitation that the Tyger Claws offer. The cyberpyscho quest is probably the best one of this. Earlier Cyberpunk had cyberpsychosis as a serious concern directly correlated with how many implants you got. The Solo archetype even spoke about how you risk losing your humanity with your implants as you became stronger, better, faster. Even later iterations had depersonalization/derealization disorders as people who could see in the dark lost connection to those who couldn’t. A quick thought in our present though, changes this. My eyesight and hearing is just fine, but I don’t lose connection or common empathy with individuals who are blind or deaf. I have two arms and two legs and I have not lost empathy for amputees. Why then, would I lose empathy and connection with someone with average human eyesight after I get my eyes replaced and now I have the ability to see in the dark or have telescopic sight? The cyberpsycho quest actually took this concept to task; cyberpsychos around the city are seen as horrifying threats that need the high-threat response of MaxTac to deal with, but Regina is looking to see if she can cure cyberpsychosis. Mechanically, the cyberpsychos are boss-fights with elements of puzzle gameplay (how to handle the different skillsets that they have) and a bonus reward for non-lethal damage which rewards certain playstyle archetypes or prepwork for those who ensure that they have a non-lethal option. The information you find around each cyberpyscho showcase different problems in the target’s life, no real common thread or inciting incident that you can trace the onset of cyberpsychosis toward and identify a culprit. After you complete the quest, you learn the twist: there is no such thing as cyberpsychosis. Each of the targets were actually just experiencing different stressors within their lives, such as PTSD, losing their job, drug abuse, etc. and the breakdown is made much worse because these individuals have the ability to toss dumpsters like they were baseballs or pick the wings off a fly with a cybernetically enhanced brain with a .50 cal. Some of these individuals had terrible implant surgery done by bargain-basement ripperdocs and temporarily lost the ability to discern reality from fantasy, something that could easily be seen as a science fiction adaptation of temporary insanity brought on by a poor reaction to medicine. It’s backed up by the game too. V can fill every slot in their cyberware deck but never once experiences cyberpsychosis. Oda has ultra-legs and flaming-hot mantis blades and is in perfect control at every point in the game, even when he’s trying to jab those mantis blade through your sternum. Cyberpyschosis isn’t real, the irresponsible media just ran with it because fear sells. For all the flaws of the game, I respect the game for taking cyberpsychosis in that direction.

But for all those good things, the game couldn’t help but feel shallower than the Witcher 3. The side-gigs were formulaic to the point where they even led with a category. There were few twists and very little that was surprising. Exposition for these quests was limited to a short text dump and a minute voice-over. Night City was big but it was relatively sparse. NCPD never seemed to intervene in any crimes (giving the character the chance to do so) but every so often they were around a taped-off crime scene, giving a sense of inconsistency that hampered the world. While it was a bustling city, it felt empty, most of the people I saw on the street were meaningless, just NPC’s walking around to give a sense of activity. There was little in the way of things to see and experience that was unique or different about these NPC’s. They weren’t crowds I could hide in like Hitman, they didn’t have ambient dialogue that showcased something like the Witcher 3. Much like other open-world games, this sense of shallowness pervaded much of the empty space of the world; it was incredibly *big* but there was little in it. Much of the time I was driving or running through empty space that was completely worthless to me. Normal for city living, but all of that is wasted time going from point A to point B, and unlike the Witcher 3, there were no small in-game beats to help flesh it out or build it. I never had Millie from “Where the Wolf and Cat Play” give me a little picture, I never had people from a liberated village say “hey, look, it’s that guy Geralt, thanks for killing those harpies.” These were things that made the Witcher 3′s world really come alive. I didn’t have that, and I was left

Of course, we also have to handle the elephant in the room, and that was CDPR’s conduct both during production and after release. Crunch has become an increasingly common part of video game development and it’s not healthy to developers. CDPR had been called out on it once before, but it seemed there was little change in how that happens. I’m not quite sure if there’s anything we can do, and I’m sympathetic to the need to hit target deadlines to actually deliver a finished product, but there’s got to be a better way, whether that’s a change to the incentive structure, or something, because it’s hurting folks. I like games like Witcher 3 and Red Dead Redemption 2, but I understand that there was a real human cost to these masterpieces, and I wonder if there’s something we can do about that. 

Similarly, what happened after launch was beyond terrible. The last-gen console version were simply not ready for release and shouldn’t have been released to the public. CDPR openly covered up this, by only previewing the PC version, they hid the fact that the game wasn’t ready, and they avoided delaying the last-gen console version because they were looking to capitalize on holiday sales. I’m sympathetic for the need to generate sales, but the flip of this is that you have to deliver the product you advertise, and for last-gen consoles, they didn’t do so. Bugs are one thing, these games are massive undertakings of interacting systems and bugs are inevitable; some of my favorite games were buggy at release, notably Fallout: New Vegas, Witcher 3, and so on. But this went past bugs and into malpractice and deception, and that’s something that’s less forgivable. I personally had few bugs that were out-and-out game breaking but things not loading, quests bugging out, floating bags and other physics wonkiness, all of that hurt the immersion. I’d be more willing to forgive the game without the deception; I can laugh at bugs but not at ignoring quality control to get holiday sales instead of delivering a quality product. Consumers are angry at CDPR and have every reason to be, and I’m one of them. I can express my disappointment and I will do so, we need developers to stop these practices and the only way we can do that is through our wallets and words. I’m not going to tell anyone not to buy CDPR games, that’s entirely your decision because I’m a radical individualist. But I am going to say that they’ve burned a lot of their good karma with me; credibility is a hard beast to gain back. Much like other big name developers, CDPR has hurt their standing in my eyes. Whether that means I need to resort to going to indie games for a little bit or something else, I don’t know, but it’s rough. I liked CDPR and wanted to believe it’d be different, but it seems to not be the case.

Overall, I think it’s another AAA open-world game only made better by my love of the genre, and that stings. I enjoyed some aspects of it, and I hope that through Free DLC, patching, and other good deeds, the game can redeem itself and stimulate new love of the genre. But CDPR needs to do a lot more than that to win back my affection. If anyone has anything specifically that they want to know about the game, such as talk about the main story, individual characters, or so on, just ask.

Thanks for the question, Khef.

SomethingLikeALawyer, Hand of the King

[monomonomagines]

If its not too much trouble, could I ask for the monster AU with the sdr2 guys? I love monsters and I love the monster AU you did for v3

Howdy, Anon! I hope you don’t mind, but Mod Kokichi and I tend to get very excited with our Monster AU so we ended up having to split these into three parts this time thanks to the inclusion of Izuru. Now that my short explanation is out of the way, I hope that you’ll enjoy part one, and thanks so much for enjoying our V3 Monster AU. I plan to post the next parts tomorrow if possible so I hope that you’ll look forward to them. 

Part 1 (Part 2 here) (Part 3 here)

Twogami (shapeshifter)

You were on an evening stroll through the neighborhood when it happened.

With nothing but the marmalade light slowly fading in the distance and sound of birds chirping in the distance to keep you company.

That serenity seemed like it would last for ages that is until an inhuman screech pierced your ears.

Within an instant, you lost that peaceful moment and in another you're legs were carrying you towards that sound before you could think to do otherwise.

Now out of breath and confused by your own lack of forethought you ended up laying your eyes on a strange shadowy figure with a nasty bite wound on its leg.

It didn't seem dangerous or that it would attack you though as it lay there with sad eyes looking at you. If anything, you felt bad for the guy so you took him home with you carrying the shadowy form, feeling it's warm and weirdly fuzzy form.

Soon enough you were home though with your new "friend" in tow. Now was the time to get him some medical attention though.

You quickly grabbed some supplies and got to work. Then by the time you were done, you sent him off on his way.

It was at least a week ago since your encounter but you still wondered at times how he or it was doing. It was hard to tell really if a shapeshifter had a gender in its truest form but even then there was no use worrying about it.

Today you had to focus. There was a charity ball being held by none other than the Togami family and as your family was the one that catered the event and you being the only one with free time, you were sent to act as a representative.

Pushing open the doors you take a deep breath as you enter immediately noticing the Byakuya Togami going absolutely ham on the food your family provided.

You wouldn't have guessed he was such a big eater but even then you shouldn't stare probably. You take your eyes off of him rather embarrassed by your own lack of manners when he called out to you.

"You're S/o are you not? I must thank you and your family for most humbly procuring all this food for us. It's sure to make our event a great one."

His eyes seemed to be looking you over rather analytically yet his words were gentle as he continued.

"I know you're not accustomed to dances such as this with your status most likely but I was hoping that you would join me for the first dance tonight."

Wait, he was asking you!? Despite any protests you gave he admonished you with equal amounts of passion, insisting that he, the Byakuya Togami, the Ultimate Affluent Progeny was to dance with you and there was no convincing him otherwise.

What you didn't expect was to even be close enough to Byakuya to interact with him but by the end of the night, you were both already planning on going out together again.

It had been like some fairy tale meeting, the way you two met was special and the relationship that quickly bloomed between you two was just as much.

That's why as months went by you decided you wanted to take things further. You ended up buying yourselves matching rings, they weren't similar to wedding rings but they were their own unspoken promise that you two were each other.

You were excited to propose the idea to him as he arrived for another one of your rendezvous but at the sight of the ring, he seemed nervous.

"Of course...I-I'd love to accept, it's nothing...just hand it over."

Despite his unnatural and obviously suspicious reaction you carefully drop the ring into his larger hand only to see him become a familiar shadowy figure before your very eyes. The rings, the gold in them must have turned him into his true form!

"I'm sorry....I'm not the real Byakuya Togami, S/o." he speaks up before you can react looking at you sadly as he admits. "I just wanted to be someone you could like and everyone seemed to like that Togami fellow so I tricked you. I know that it's unforgivable though, for me to think that we could continue like that forever so, I'll leave if that's what you please."

He seemed so genuine and yet it was hard to formulate a response. What he did was wrong, you knew it but he meant so well and you couldn't turn him away then.

Telling him to wait, Togami or Twogami turns to you perplexed by your response. Confused or not though, you reached down to pick up his smaller, plump, shadowy body.

"S/o I...thank you."

Teruteru (Incubus)

When Teruteru applied to join you in the kitchen at your family dinner you didn't think anything much of him at first.

Sometimes he'd make perverted passes at you or tease a bit but overall he was kind and a reliable coworker. You both would spend many days and nights in that kitchen just chatting as you cooked and cleaned after a hard day of work.

However, as you both continued to close your shop together you couldn't help but find him alluring in some way.

Alluring and yet there was something odd about him. Teruteru always seemed to have some new girlfriend or boyfriend to spend time with after work whenever you tried to invite him out.

Maybe his flirting meant nothing after all but even then it felt so real that trying to convince yourself it wasn't was even more painful.

You were tempted, his flirtations were sweet as honey but what if you'd regret indulging in your own sweet temptations. He could be some player or heartbreaker for all you know after all.

Pushing those thoughts to the back of your head though you decided you had enough of being lead on by the fellow chef.

You waited until it was just you two and the remains of your labor left in the kitchen.

Per usual, he started with his usual small talk when you hushed him up with all the questions that tormented you day and night. Did he like you, did he hate you, was he messing with you, and most of all why? If it wasn't anything then why, why bother!?

He was shocked to say the less and thrown off guard for sure as he leaned onto a counter covered by flour in a moment of clumsiness to steel himself.

"I...I do have a reason for my flirtin' n' all but I just...yah need to promise y'all won't fire me if I spill the beans!"

Huh? So first he admits to lying something but then what's with the sudden accent too!? As much as you wanted to laugh at his nervous mistake of coating most of his sleeves in flour, you decided to urge him to go on.

"Well, I do like yah a whole lot but...but I'm also a...I'm an Incubus." He admits, showing off his normally hidden demonic form as though to emphasize his point.

"I want to be with yah really, but I don't wanna take anythin' from yah because of these dang powers a mine."

Sucking in a shaky breath you make your way towards him, disregarding his warnings against getting close and pulling his short frame to your own. You didn't care if he was an Incubus, even if you couldn't have his body you wanted his heart far more and would do anything for it.

"Oh S/o, how could'ja take in a guy like me?"

Nekomaru (Stone Golem)

You were taking a hike on a trail through the mountains. Your plans were to make it to the top in order to look out at the beautiful scenery before your eyes but those plans surely changed when you noticed a weird statue standing at your goal point.

It wasn't too odd for a statue to be somewhere like a mountain top your supposed but something about it made you feel unnerved.

Maybe it was because of how the statue looked as though it were mid-scream or maybe because of how eerily alive it felt. However, around you, it didn't move what so ever, the only other point of interest now the large piece missing from the side of the statue.

At this point, it felt a bit awkward being up there with this thing silently screaming at you forever so you decided to focus on searching for the piece you noticed missing and sure enough it wasn't far.

Picking it up in your hands wasn't too difficult despite the obvious weight to it and with trembling hands, you were easily able to place it in it's allotted slot.

That was when that silent scream of his turned into a roar, loud enough for you to feel it shake you as his large arms came to wrap around you, pulling you into an embrace.

"GAHAHAHA! I'M FREEEEEE!" he yells out, once loud enough for anyone nearby to hear him a second time.

Now setting you down he smiles at you, finally addressing you this time. "Thanks for saving me, I knew someone would have to find me eventually!"

He gives another hearty laugh at your own confused expression, not even bothering to give you time to process what's going on as he speaks up once again.

"I guess that means that I owe you now but don't you worry. I always pay back my debts," he scratches around his nose, adding, "Though all I can offer is to protect you from now on. Tell you what, I'll be like your bodyguard even!"

Despite you opening your mouth he only continues to go on, taking this proposition far more seriously than you thought he would.

"With me around NO ONE will touch you for I am NEKOMARU NIDAI!" he cheers, picking you up again despite your protests.

"No way am I letting you walk! It's my job to protect you so just tell me which way to go!"

Despite his kindness, he really was far too insistent, but even then you could tell you weren't getting out of this so you relented, eventually arriving home in his arms.

It's been about a month since that day that Nekomaru came to live with you. With the two of you growing closer each day it wasn't surprising for you to have developed feelings for the kind golem, but you did worry about what would happen when you'd confess.

Would he leave if he didn't feel the same? Despite your fears, you wanted to face him and to lay all of your feelings bare for him to see.

You two were planning to revisit the path that you met at and so you planned to then, bursting into your confession as soon as you arrived.

You hadn't meant to be so hasty but with Nekomaru it's hard not to be, you wanted to just rip the bandage off and be over with. You were prepared for the consequences of your actions but you didn't suffer at all like you might've guessed.

No, the only suffering you were enduring was from the lack of air when Nekomaru wrapped his arms around you again just like he did when you met.

"I was wondering when you'd say it! I love you too, S/o!"

Wait he knew? As soon as you questioned him though all he did was laugh as usual.

"GAHAHAHA! I thought you knew I did too already. I mean we lived together after all!"

What!?

[imaginesmai]

Peter Parker - See the light (3)

First of all, I’m so sorry I’ve been so absent... The posting schedule won’t be active anymore, I will post whenever I can; once a week, maybe twice, maybe none. I’m sorry to say this, but I’ve started the last part of my college degree, where I have an intership in a school, with the same duties as a teacher; besides working and finishing my final project. I will answer all your asks once I have time, I promise! I got them all

Small sneak peek

First part

Second part

Plot: Peter and you leave the tower, with different intentions and goals.

The sound of your own pounding heart was all that filled your ears. You weren’t sure if you could have a heart-attack so soon, but you were currently wrapped up in a mental battle over if you were suffering from one or not. Bellow you, Peter was already climbing down the tower. You had suggested giving him a lift down, but he had seemed almost repulsed by the idea of you using your own hair as some sort of transportation device.

So, you were standing on the edge of the window still, leaned into the open air and staring at the ground bellow. The valley surrounding the tower was lush and full of live, and everything practically glowed with invitation. The world called for you.

“You coming, darling?” Peter called up, sounding agitated.

You let out a exhale, hands feeling clammy as they only gripped your hair tighter. On your shoulder, you could feel Pascal grip his tiny claws into your dress, and you knew that you were ready for take-off.

You glanced back into the tower. Somehow, it almost looked smaller. Darker. Something not familiar; as if you didn’t expend all those years confined to those few walls. Eyes screwed shut, and one foot step into thin air, you fell. A scream built up in your throat at the feeling of being weightless and the sudden plummet, but then the scream of fear turned into joy; you were laughing.

When your feet touched the ground, the laugh was genuine, and you had to restrain from cackling. There was grass touching your skin, and yet, you weren’t falling over dead, like she said. Dirt was staining the bottoms of your dress, but you had never felt more alive. So far, everything she had said was wrong.

“You okay?” Peter asked, raising an eyebrow at your sudden joyous outburst.

“Is the rest of the world like this?” you exclaimed, spinning and bouncing through the lawn.

“Like what?”

“Soft. Safe” you continued to move across the land. “Warm?”

Peter chuckled, and started to pick up the hair that was being trailed by his feet. As you moved, your hair fell behind you, and Peter found himself not minding picking it up.

“That would be the sun. But the safety aspect is a little touch and go”

“It’s exactly like I dreamed it!”

“You don’t get out much, do you?”

You leaned down and picked up the rest of your hair, the locks easily spilling out of your arms. Since you remembered, your hair had been long and thick. It used to help your mother to heal herself every once in a while, but you were tired. You were tired of protecting it without any reason at all, of letting it grow to be of use for your mother, and to have to take care of it, even if it hurt. You scooped it all back into your grasp before walking towards the exit.

Peter had no choice but to follow you, finding your pace a bit fast for his liking.

“How much hair is this?” he asked, eyeing the mass.

“Don’t know, never bother to measure” you shrugged, a smile stretching wide across your face. You didn’t have a feeling that it would be leaving anytime soon.

“Any specific reason why you don’t just cut it?”

You didn’t bother to answer, because telling a complete stranger that your hair had magic properties wasn’t the best idea. Your mother might had been wrong about the whole ‘outside dangers’, but you were still wary about it. Instead, you ran towards the end of the tunnel, out of the field where the tower was.

The bright sun hit your face as soon as you stepped out of the tunnel, and the shadows of the trees casted above you. Besides being wonderful, it was also scary. Peter walked behind you, placing the plants right to cover the entrance of the tunnel.

While he did so, you contemplated the exterior. Everything finally seemed to crash into you, and you were lucky that you didn’t topple over after.

“I did it” you muttered. “I actually did it”

“W-what?” Peter asked, sounding genuinely concerned. It sounded a little crazy.

“I really did it.”

“I don’t think we’re on the same –“Peter cut himself off, and smirked. “You mean betraying your mother? Yeah, you did.”

“What?” you turned towards him, still smiling. “I didn’t-“

“What will she thinks when she comes back and doesn’t see you? She’ll be mad. Best think you could go, is to go back”

“Oh, mother will be furious” the smile fell form your lips. “She’ll lock me forever, she’ll kill me…. God, this will kill her! I have to go back!”

You span around and started running back in the direction of the tower, doubts and fears filling your mind. Peter put out a hand just in time and stopped you, covering the exit with his body. He wasn’t that tall, but he was taller and definitely broader than you. You just looked up at the boy, frightened, tears threatening to spill.

And you saw something in Peter; hope, probably. Or something conniving. With a little shake of his head, as if to clear his thoughts, he talked again.

“Okay, that was rude. I’m sorry. Probably shouldn’t have said anything about her after hearing the whole ‘locked me in a tower’ monologue before. I’m sorry” Peter tried to give you a reassuring smile. “This could be good. A little rebellion, you’ll be back. That’s normal.”

“Really?” you looked at him with weary eyes, and even Pascal, raised a brow. “You did it too?”

“Um, yeah?” he shrugged, trying to think of something. “I-I, uh, once I lied to my mentor, Mr Stark, so I could go to a fun fair. It was – damn, it was amazing. And I met my best friend there, and had a lot of fun. He was a little mad, but he understood. I’m sure your mother will too”

Besides, I need the crown if I want to have a life wherever I decided to run off to.

“Yeah” you smiled hesitantly. “I, it’s my first time. And we’re coming back before she’s back”

“Of course, promise; and I never break mines neither” Peter winked at you, suddenly happy too. There was once again the trustworthy attitude he was going to get advantage of, if everything went well. “Now, are you hungry? I know the perfect place. Real homemade. Ideal for people like you”

“Where?”

“Oh, don’t worry. I’ll take you there”

Pascal huffed in your shoulder, and glared at Peter. The boy was glad the chameleon was the only one noticing that the place wasn’t going to be ‘ideal’.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Now, if my intuition is correct – and it always is – I would say the place should be somewhere around here” Peter said as you continued to walk through the forest.

Your stomach growled in protest, and you tried to hide it as you walked faster; Peter had been saying the place was somewhere around for the past twenty minutes, and your feet were starting to hurt. Through the short journey, you had gotten to talk to him for a while; he was a boy from the landside, who lived with his aunt and uncle. He didn’t talk much about them, but he did talk about his mentor, Mr Stark. A kind man, an inventor, who took care of Peter and taught him everything he did.

The boy had him in a very high place, but as soon as you asked him about what was of him now, he shut up.

Finally, you found the place. Sitting in front of them was a building that looked like a ramshackle house. The whole place seemed to be leaning forward, while the windows varied in size, and the door looked two sized too small in its crooked frame. On the front of the building, was a hanging sign that swayed slightly in the breeze. In lopsided, yellow letters it could be read:

THE SNUGGLY DUCKLING

“I knew it” Tony said, gesturing at the restaurant like it was a prized possession.

“It – it doesn’t look like a duckling. I thought, uh, they were cute?” you asked, staring at the building sceptically. You were then noticing how many of the windows were completely shattered.

“Prime dinning!” Peter said and started to push you forward.

You had to scramble to pick up your hair so the boy didn’t step on it, and soon you were in front of the tavern. When the door swung open, your stomach dropped. Staring back at you were about a dozen or so faces all cast into dim shadow. Half of them gave you toothy smiles; the other half sneered in Peter’s direction.

Peter smirked besides you; if those men weren’t enough reason for you to go back to the tower and abort the mission, giving him the crown, he didn’t know what would work.

“We’ll take your biggest table” Peter announced, like he wasn’t meeting face to face with a brood blood-covered ruffians.

He started to guide you into the bar, pushing you slightly by the lower of your back. A pretty big man with a moustache was sharpening knives, and another one was casually playing with a big sword, as broad as his shoulders. There was one with nothing more than a diaper, long white beard and crazy eyes, that was drowning himself in beer. And – were that rats?

Before leaving the tower, you had decided to bring the pan with you; and you held it out in front of you like a sword, hand trembling despite your attempts to calm it.

“Ah, take it all, darling” Peter said, sounding completely oblivious. “This – this is a true dining establishment, only the best. Do you smell that? Is that – wow, look at that, Y/N! That looks like a human bone!”

Suddenly, there was a tug at your head, and you could feel someone running their hands through it.

“That’s a lot of hair” a deep voice says, and you looked back in panic to see a man with a Viking helmet and nearly no eyes.

“I know, she’s letting it grow” Peter shrugged, as you kept accumulating your hair in your arms at a crazy speed. “She – oh, is that blood in your moustache? Sure that’s a lot of blood!”

You were launched backwards when the hair was finally out of his grasp, and scrambled away from the leering patrons that kept looking at you. Peter smiled at you and kept walking ahead, trying to seem not-scared; although he was starting to get nervous. There were a lot people there who wanted him dead, probably, and the less it took him to convince you to go back the better.

So he pulled you closer to his side.

“Hey, you okay, darling? You don’t look so good” Peter asked, mock concern plastered to his face. “If you’re not feeling well, we might call it quits. Head home and call it a day, probably. After all, if you can’t handle this five-stars place maybe –“

He didn’t get to finish the sentence, as he was grabbed around the neck by a muscular man with a big, crooked nose. He was also wearing a Viking helmet, and without thinking much you hid behind Peter and held up your pan. Pascal hid between your hair and emitted scared noises.

“Is that you?” the man asked, holding out a poster for Peter to see.

On it, a drawing of Peter stood. It was well done, minus the nose. The draw was wearing a ridiculous long and pointed nose that couldn’t be even real, and that looked nothing like the handsome boy you had found in the tower. Peter rolled his eyes and sighed, shoulders slumping.

“Oh, now they’re just being mean” Peter said.

“Oh, it’s him alright” the fat one appeared from behind you, laughing and showing his missing teeth. “Greta, so find some guards!”

A guy that looked more than a tree than a human dashed out of the door; and then, someone else was grabbing Peter’s arms, and your attention was back on the scene. Peter’s face was turning red as his eyes darted back and forth between the people holding him.

“I could use the money!”

“What about me? I’m broke!”

The ruffians started to throw each other to the ground, Peter in the middle being thrown over and over again to people’s arms, who were debating between selling him part by part or giving him away to the guards. Meanwhile, you were trying to shout them away, falling on deaf ears as no one gave you a thought. Some of them were kind enough to try and not to step on your hair, or to push you around, but others just wanted to grab a piece of Peter and run.

The bald one was getting ready to punch Peter unconscious, sick smile on his lips and hearing to the encouragement of his ‘friends’. As Peter pleaded them not to hit the jaw, someone pushed a man on his side and both fell to the ground. Just then, you got the courage back and broke a stool on the counter; that boy was helping you, and not only he had been ‘kind’ but he was your only way of seeing the flying lights.

Everyone was looking at you.

“Let him go!” you demanded, more angry than scared. “I’m tired and I have no idea where I am, and I won’t ever get to where I need to without his help! Tonight the lanterns fly, and I have been dreaming about seeing them ever since I was small. Come on! Stop being ruffians for one second and help me out. Don’t any of you know what’s like to have a dream?”

The man who was holding Peter let him go, and the poor boy fell to the floor in a coughing fit. You were about to run back to the tower and hide under the bed for at least forty years when the mand stepped towards you, all the bravery gone. A dirty finger was pointed your way, and you whined.

“Don’t accuse me of not dreaming, girl. Because I… I have a dream. I wanted to be a pianist!” he screamed out, and everyone looked surprised. “Wanted to be on the stage, to play with the biggest. But I’m not exactly the nicest, don’t have the most welcoming smile.”

As if he had opened a box, everyone there started to say their dreams out loud; from finding love to building a house on their own, from eternal beer to being an inventor. The general mood improved, and you found yourself smiling slightly as the biggest of them all said he wanted to be a professional dancer. Even Peter, who had been quiet and trying to sneak off, participated.

You listened how he talked about money and about living somewhere bright and sunny, an island; but even if you hadn’t known him for long, you knew the boy held more secrets than anyone in the room.

Tom Holland and Peter Parker Taglist

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[loopy777]

Return of the Jedi is often looked upon as the weakest of the original trilogy. If you share that opinion, what do you think would have improved it? Aside from the Ewok thing, I think they could have gone with a different climax that doesn’t involve a second Death Star (maybe an old timey ship-to-ship style battle with the Executor but in space?)

Yeah, having another Death Star is definitely a bit tired. I appreciate that it came with a bunch of different visuals thanks to its half-finished nature, destroying it didn't involve another trench run, and it allowed for the biggest and most technically accomplished space action of the entire series (they did that all with real models and compositing! CGI may look nice, but it's easy), but having another super-weapon -- never mind the exact same thing as the first movie -- feels lazy.

In the early drafts, the creative team had been toying with something involving the Imperial Capital, but the action never really went beyond Death Star-esque space stations and a forest moon. I think something could have been done with the capital planet itself, but that would have required more budget than George Lucas wanted to spend, and his vision possibly wasn't even technically possible at the time.

Also, I do agree that that Ewoks are perhaps a little too kid-friendly. I think the theme works, with the 'primitives' defeating the more technological Empire, and I even think it was implemented in a believable manner. But the whole 'teddy bear picnic' look of it (as Carrie Fisher called it) was probably too much for the aging primary audience, never mind the adult fans, and there didn't need to be so much silliness and comedy with them. It's the same thing that sunk Jar-Jar and the Gungans in Phantom Menace- cute bumbling critters are fine, but then the audience isn't really going to warm to them winning a war. I don't mean that the fight needs to be all gritty and violent, but leaving the slapstick to just Wicket and letting the other Ewoks looks like experienced guerillas would have probably accomplished a lot in endearing the idea to the audience.

More than the teddy bears, though, I think the look of Endor's moon itself doesn't meet Star Wars standards. It's just a forest, the same thing you can see in any low-budget fantasy movie. Sure, there are a few more redwoods in RotJ than in LotR Knockoff #47, but it's still a step down from what came before. Tatooine was probably the most boring-looking planet before that, in terms of environment, but the sci-fi civilization built on the desert made it interesting. Endor's moon is just a forest and the Ewok treehouses. There's no wow-factor, especially after ESB upped the game from the first movie.

Overall, though, I think the main problem with RotJ is one that isn't really visible on the screen. It's the primary culprit behind the lack of enthusiasm people feel for the movie, IMO.

I'm talking, of course, about the pacing.

The first part of the movie, the rescue of Han from Jabba, feels like a stand-alone adventure more appropriate to an episode of a TV series. It has nothing to do with the conflict with the Empire, and has this slow rollout of the cast that definitely feels like it's reintroducing the audience to them, an odd choice for the last movie in a trilogy. Nothing is accomplished by it except reestablishing the status quo, getting the whole cast ready to return to the real story. It's the most visually impressive location in the movie, with the rancor and all the alien costumes, but in the end Luke just fights his way through it. Throwing Luke and company into something a bit more involved, like if Jabba was meeting with another crime lord and Luke played them off against each other or something, would be a bit more engaging. But that would still leave this section of the movie feeling separate from everything else. I'm not sure how to solve that, as it is a bit of business leftover from ESB that has to be tided up in some way, and it's a good example of why playing things by ear can be really hard even for people who are good at it.

The next major problem with the pacing comes on Endor's moon, when Luke and company spend so much time meeting the Ewoks. I don't think it's a long time in actual count of minutes, but it's a slow bit that's probably more drawn out than it needs to be. The original Star Wars was a location-hopping adventure with wonderfully-paced forward momentum buoyed by some fun moments of natural downtime. ESB was a chase sequence spiced up with the ramping romance between Han and Leia, with Luke's powering up and exploration of the Force inter-spaced, culminating in the heroes suffering major dramatic defeats. But RotJ starts with a side-quest, then Luke gets the truth about Vader in a good scene that's still just people sitting around and talking, and after a speeder bike chase (that again is probably too long) the heroes take their time becoming friends with Ewoks in a forest. Star Wars was exhilarating before this, and now it's laboring to the finish line while dithering to clean up its own subplots.

(Note: I do NOT advocate avoiding the due diligence of cleaning up subplots in order to try to maintain a propulsive plot, and the final movie certainly isn't the place to be throwing new subplots in. That's how you get Rise Of Skywalker, and no one wants that.)

When the big finale starts, with Luke confronting Vader and then the Battle of Endor kicking off, the pacing finally gets back on track, IMO. George Lucas knows how to edit together an action sequence, if nothing else, and knows when to cut back to the slower but more emotionally meaty Luke-stuff with the Emperor.

However, I do think the parts with Han and Leia can come across as a little rote, since their action isn't really tied to any story or character arc for them. It's functional enough with them both leading the rebellion, but there's nothing particularly dramatic about it for them, and they're just busting one small bunker, compared to Lando taking on the big examples of Imperial might, the Death Star and the Executor Super Star Destroyer. Han and Leia don't even get to fight one of the big walkers, they just fight the smaller chicken-walkers! And I think Lando's role does feel more like part of his character arc, with him being a respectable leader for the good guys in a nice uniform, and using his cleverness to keep the fleet alive long enough to assault the Death Star.

But, strangely, the moment in the whole Endor battle that feels the most like a culmination is when the Executor Super Star Destroyer is destroyed, and none of the main characters are even involved in that! Sure, blowing up another Death Star is fine, but we've already done it. No one has blown up a Super Star Destroyer before, and that got built up through the whole previous movie.

Fortunately, everything about Luke's big climax with Vader and the Emperor is functionally perfect, and that's the part that people were most interested in, so I don't think that RotJ really stumbles at the end. It succeeds and does deliver a lot of what people had come to like about Star Wars. It just doesn't do it as intensely or smoothly as the previous efforts, so it feels weaker.

So if I were to try to create a 'stronger' RotJ, I'd probably shave the Han Rescue down to a quick action-packed prologue, do the Vader=Father explanation for Luke as a mix of Obi-Wan's explanation with a trippy Force Vision Quest with some interesting visuals, then have the Rebellion assault the Imperial capital in a mix of space and ground battle. I'd get rid of the whole concept of the forest setting and the spear-wielding primitives, since that's the same metaphor as the Empire and Rebellion, anyway. I'd also make the Rebellion fleet smaller and more desperate, connecting it clearly to the losses from the previous movie, and the attack on the capital is some kind of desperate last ploy, motivated by some kind of time limit. Luke still confronts Vader and the Emperor alone. For Han and Leia, I wonder if -- instead of simply having them fight -- they could maybe rally some downtrodden local citizenry to help take down or turn off some big Imperial Plot Thingy, giving them a chance to show leadership and unite the Rebellion with the people it's been fighting for, or something like that. Han could even tell the locals about the Force, something they've never heard of, living on the capital. And Leia gives them the chance at freedom.

Hm, perhaps the first assault against the Imperial Palace fails at first, with a bunch of Rebels dying but Leia and Han escaping, leaving Lando and company stranded in space with the baddies? Then Leia and Han need to find an alternate way to accomplish the goal, giving the 'meet the locals' sequence a bit more intensity and a time limit, but still serving as a bit of downtime between actiony bits. Or the final half of the movie could be all action, with the relative downtime being Luke's part with the Emperor and Vader in the palace. (This is the kind of thing decided in the editing room.) Then the Rebel assault can be continuous, and about to lose when Han and Leia show up with reinforcements. Movie audiences love that. They turn off the Imperial Plot Thingy. Then Lando lands the decisive blow on the Executor, which crashes into the Imperial Palace just after Luke escapes in the wake of Vader's death.

Anyway, that's all off the top of my head. But you see where I'm going with this. Keep it moving, keep it intense, keep it new and interesting, don't get too hung up on the Vietnam War metaphor that inspired certain themes, and try to put more characters arcs into things so that Harrison Ford doesn't spend the next 30 years talking about how much he wanted his character to die.

Maybe we can have a village of Ewoks living in the capital sewers, along with other Downtroddens. There's no reason not to have any teddy bears.

Star Wars is supposed to be fun, too. And a little silly.

[devintrinidad]

I haven't watched it Akadama Drive the way through. But I have seen a lot of it. It's almost too gorey for me. But the visuals are a real treat and it definitely has the cyberpunk cool factor down. Swindler was a great main character! (I never shipped her with Cutthroat. I knew the psychopath was that. A psychopath and I bet he was going to turn on them at anytime. And he did! Never be distracted by the childish antics pretty boy serial killers!). 

I'm interested in the future of AD. I heard the last episode was getting a special Directors cut including a alternative ending. I also heard the AD creators were happy to hear AD is doing well in the west so fans are wondering if that means their hoping to make a S2? I don't keep up with AD news so I'm not sure if that's their intention or not. But I did hear a fan theory that S2 could be about the bad guys using technology to bring at least of the main characters back to life (considering Swindler had a religious themed death and both her and Courier's bodies could easily be recovered. Plus revival through tech is such a Cyberpunk staple) because Brother and Sister are still targets and they were would where to look for them. 

So maybe AD still has a bright future ahead with more content to explore the world (I honestly think Hacker could easily be a main character in any sequal). 

Onto the CAW/AD verse.

I could totally see 3803 being this epic biker chick.... Who gets lost easily. But because she does all these crazy stunts, her enemies (who don't know her yet) think she's planning everything to confuse them. X D 

I could see 1146's akudama name being Bodyguard. Because when he's not acting like one for 3803 and Platelet. He's taking up bodyguard jobs for anyone who needs them. For the right price and reason. If you're a scumbag who hurts innocent people, he'll kill you on the spot. But be nice enough to return the moneyto your corpse. Unless 3803 or Platelet needs something, then he'll strip you of all your dough and leave you penniless. He has a very ruthless rep. But he's so good at what he does, his help is in high demand. Ecspecially for someone who needs a bodyguard they can trust (and they know they aren't or won't act like scum around him to earn his wrath). He's fine with helping criminals. Just not ones who do a lot of harm to innocents or are involved in nasty business like trafficking or something.

Story wise things change up.

The way I see things here is that Cancer is the one secretly in charge and why things are so wrong. He's this absolute monster of a human being who gained immortality hundreds of years ago. He went nuts and caused wars and blew up the moon. He wants all the power and has created societies in his own twisted corrupted image (basically his dream in canon coming true here). But he's noticed after awhile things always go bad under his leadership and nearly everything dies. Instead of starting over again and again. He's decides to find a way to force everyone to become immortal like him so that even if they're killed. They'll have no choice but to come back to life like he does. If he has to suffer this, then so does everyone else. 

That's where 3803 and Platelet come in. For decades, Cancer has been collecting and experimenting on people in secret in order to figure out how to gift them with his immortality. 3803 and Platelet are surviving lab rats who managed to escape during a explosion happening in the building. 3803 is the closest he's come to achieving his goal. 3803 would later tell 1146 she has no idea how immortal she is and it scares her to death that she might be unable to die like Cancer. All she knows is that she can take a lot of damage and recover in time. She's been able to age a little. But she hopes she's not being paranoid about looking younger and smaller for her age (Macrophage, another Akudama who knows her secret, tells her it's common for girls like her to look younger then they are and that she has gotten bigger since they first met. But 3803 is still a little concerned). 3803 also has no idea about Platelets status in all this since she's never been badly hurt and she's aged normally. But she's also never gotten sick a day in her life and she was put in the same cell as her. The scientists saying all she needed was a little tweaking and they'd both be closer to becoming their goal. 

Ohhh, I didn't even think about 4989 and the others being 1146's enemies. I assumed they'd follow his lead eventually. Say they're dissapointed in him. Because yeah things are corrupt. But that's no reason to become a criminal and abandon their dreams of making the city a better place. They weren't there when he turned traitor so all they've been told is he got beguiled by some witch (3803 gets a very exaggerated and unpleasent rep along the Executioners for turning their top soldier against them. 1146 was already having serious doubts on his own but the organization puts the blame on her regardless). Eventually they get told by a superior officer if they can capture both 1146 and 3803 alive, they'll take 1146 back instead of executing or throwing him in jail. They'll strip him of his Akudama name and only punish him by putting a bomb collar on him until he redeems himself to them. It's not ideal. But for their friend they'll take it. They do eventually find and fight 1146 and even manage to knock him out and tie him up. They're prepared to fight 3803... Until they meet her face to face. From the rumours, they were expecting this buff scary woman who could rip their faces off. Instead they meet this determined but petite girl who looks like she'd hurt herself trying punch them. Even worse she's holding this little scared crying girl calling her big sis in her arms. They're the picture of defenselessness and it's suddenly making them not comfortable with this. This goes two ways: either they decide to cool down for a sec and let 3803 and 1146 explain themselves and then make the choice to leave and become akudamass too. Or, they harden themselves and take her anyway. 3803 promises to come quietly if they let her little sister go (they don't suspect Platelet is the Akadama Bomber). 3803 is hoping if she goes alone, She can at least convince Cancer Platelet died years ago and was a failed test subject. They agree and 3803 has to push Platelet away and yell at her to go (she knows she'll go to Macrophage so she'll be fine) because Platelet knows what's happening and is desperate enough to almost throws a small bomb at them (but 1146 would get caught up in the blast and 3803 glares at her to obey so she doesn't). The WBC squad does feel bad since they're not used to dealing with vulnerable women and children who can't fight back. 

When 1146 wakes up in a room with his superior officer telling him he's back and not getting a bomb collar. He's getting brain surgery and it's a surprise what that's going to be. Needless to say, 1146 is pissed beyond words. He's going to be forced to be their top dog somehow again. Platelet is alone and scared. 3803 is going to be carted off to Cancer so Cancer can make things even worse. Needless to say he manages to make his case to his friends who see definitely now know being a Akadama is better then this. Half of them go to rescue 1146 before he gets brain surgery and the others go get 3803 before Cancer can.

That's my idea of it anyway. Cause the WBC squad would actually be really good akadamas.

Now when it comes to 1146 fighting allies a lot. My initial idea was before he left, 1146 was the best of the best alongside NK and Killer T. They were the power trio that stood above the rest with a 100% success rate in missions once all three worked together. But unlike the WBS squad. They stick to their Executioner roles. I see this because in CAW canon, despite being softies inside, both Killer T and NK have this 'don't get chummy with civilians' mentality. Killer T ecspecially getting on 1146 for wanting to interact and go soft with them. In AD verse, NK and Killer T ultimately believe the Executioners are a nessecary evil at worst because the world needs them to be (Idk, you can keep the germs and make them monsters that Executioners have to fight to keep the city save too. Of course all of them are secretly made by Cancer to convince the most 'noble' of Executioners to keep the corrupted status quo).  When 1146 left, they took it personally. Particularly Killer T. NK keeps things more professional, but both want Roto resolve things with 1146 and see it as their duty to take him down. They don't believe 1146 about the whole conspiracy of a immortal Cancer ruling the world and doing all this other unbelievable stuff. Even when they see 3803 surviving a lot of damage, they chalk it up to her having access to some high tech she stole. Either way I'm conflicted on them being tragic villains who refuse to stop fighting 1146 and capture 3803 under orders or villains who get redeemed at the end. 

But Akadama Killer T. Tell me more? What's he like?

Other stuff-

Macrophage is called Hacker. Both because she can hack her targets into pieces with her axe and because she's a famous computer hacker. She found 3803 and Platelet years ago after they had escaped from the underground lab. She was reasearching for fun what the base was and discovered its use for making immortality. She took the two girls in to raise as if they were her own and trained them how to survive as Akadama (more so 3803 since she's older). When Macrophage isn't a assassin for hire, she's using her hacking abilities as mission control for 3803 when she's on the job. She helps her not get too lost and handles money transactions. They see her as the mom they never had despite that she's really only around 14 years older then them. 

Platelet loves blowing things up. She likes building things too. But bombing things helps her little family out more. She'll often plant tiny bombs all over the city and has Macrophage use her computer to keep track of them so she can detonate them when she sees a use to (like blowing up anyone chasing 383 while she's on her motorcycle). She adores 1146 and loves having him be part of her family. Partly because he's so strong and protective she doesn't have to worry as much about 3803 as much with him around. It's unknown just how much the experiments affected her too. All that's known is she's never been sick and barely needs any sleep to operate and always has nothing but energy to spare. She gets scared easily when 3803 might get taken away because her big sis has always been there for her and she's terrified of Cancer destroying her life and family again. If she lost 3803 she doesn't think she'd known how to live ob without her.

Cancer refers to all his experiments as his children. He calls 3803 and Platelet his daughters in particular and plans on having them back and fully like him so they can be his perfect family. He's actually known them since they were babies since, before they escaped, they've spent most, if not, all their lives in his care at the lab.

In this verse, 1146 is a much more aggressive pursurer of 3803's affections. He's still shy about making moves and acts stoic. But it's apparent he's interested in her early on and after awhile he makes no secret he wants to marry her. It always surprises her when he talks about wanting to marry her because he's too shy to flirt with her or even ask her on a date. He's both unable to make the first move, yet is very blunt about his desired intentions. She on the other hand is more hesitant. With her unknown immortality status, she's afraid she can't grow old with him and would deny him a normal wife. He simply says he wants her and no one else will ever do. 

3803 feels bad about him becoming a criminal. He's fighting his friends and comrades and has a huge life sentence on him all because he protected he. He tells her even if he has never met her. He knows sooner or later he would have left on his own and been branded a Akadama. Meeting her just have him another reason to believe in protecting others. Plus she does let him live with her and her for free. She still tries to pay him for his services when he protects her on the job. Initially he takes the money. But after too long she finds out all he does with the money is buy her things she was planning on getting later anyway. He basically was doing her errands for her. She gave up after that. 

 1146 is very protective of 3803's secret and has killed people over it to protect her. Those people being top high level Executioners who are in on Cancer's existence and his plans. 1146 knows the moment Cancer can get 3803 and confirm her ID. There's going to be a lot of trouble. He's made it a goal to either turn those people to his side or kill them all until there's no one left. When Cancer hears of this, he calls him a kind killer. 

Macrophage once jokes 1146 should be called Husband instead of Bodyguard because that's what he acts like with 3803. All overprotective and lovey dovey. He hates it when other men flirt with him and scared them off. 

Cancer is actually more aware of 3803 and Platelets activity then anyone thinks. It's just that he's immortal so time is a little for him. He kind of enjoys watching them hide and run and wondering how far he can push 1146 in his efforts to protect them. 

That's all I got I think. Putting in Cancer kind of changes things up but I also think he strangely fits in there very well. 

Any other ideas you have?

~~~

Oh my! It’s been a while since you’ve made such a long and lovely submission! First things first, yes, Swindler is best girl!!!

Heheh, I found Cutthroat/Swindler to be somewhat cute, but I had a feeling things would turn out for the worst when the team ultimately separated after Doctor’s betrayal and the fight with the Executioners. It was a pretty cool dynamic and I love how Swindler ultimately turned the tables on him.

(I’m a bit leery as to why he could see her “red halo” from so far away, but I suppose it was due to insanity/supernatural influences).

And yup! There was going to be a director’s cut. A Youtuber actually translated the tweets that directors had regarding the director’s cut and discovered that it was going to be an extra seven minutes of footage and would feature scenes that would help flesh out the last episode more.

It’s super interesting.

LINK HERE

Ooohhhh, a season 2 where we can see best girl and Courier to come back??? To be honest, I like the series where it stands. It had a message, stuck with it, but managed to punch it all in with masterful animation techniques and storytelling. One of the characters that I think would definitely come back, should probably be Hacker. He was a god of cyberspace and savvy with technology.

Someone once speculated that he’s smart: he would definitely upload a backup of himself somewhere.

(Another person thought that Hacker must have saved himself on Swindler’s phone because his drone icon was there after his final parting gift).

I think the best way to add onto the series would be to revisit their backgrounds? Then again, I checked out the available manga chapters that have been translated thus far, and it seems they might delve a little into that territory.

Maybe a one shot episode where we get to see all the Akudama go about their daily lives where they sometimes interact (unknowingly) Durarara style (another great anime you should watch if you have the time).

Hacker as main character??? Yes please???

3803 would definitely do crazy tricks, hahah. She’s simultaneously skilled and unskilled with her bike. She’s like the... Captain Jack Sparrow of the series except instead of being drunk all the time, she’s somewhat clueless and innocent.

Bodyguard is such a lovely name. Like... I can picture it and it really fits. Not only does it satisfy his canon role of protecting, it actually helps him from actually killing too many people unnecessarily. He’ll do it if he has to, but his main goal is to protect his charge, not go after any assassins and whatnot.

Ooooohhhh, I love Cancer here! You make him out to be some terrible god of destruction and chaos and I absolutely adore it. And the motive for immortality makes more sense in this au then in the canon for AD, hahah. But yes, I imagine after years of destruction and infamy, he would definitely feel lonely and bitter.

So of course, why not drag the rest of humanity down with him?

3803 and Platelet both being somewhat immortal beings? Yes??? And Macrophage being one of their true confidants? Also yes??? (WHERE ARE YOU GETTING ALL THESE GOOD IDEAS???)

I know later on you’ll talk about Macrophage being a hacker (because of major hacking skills in tech and in killing), but what about this: she’s the Doctor from AD. Not a backstabber, but one who was somewhat affiliated with the idea of immortality. Maybe she was one of the scientists who helped raise 3803 and Platelet and after discovering that all the rest of the experiments died and only two remained, she decided enough was enough and got them out of Cancer’s hold.

Hmm... how about we combine Hacker and Doctor to create Scientist instead? She’s cold and ruthless underneath her ladylike vibes, but she truly does feel for the plight of 3893 and Platelet.

I don’t know, it would make for an interesting dynamic.

Oooohhh, I love the confrontation with WBC squad and 3803. They’re so geared and ready (4989 is definitely sweating bullets while the others reassure him). Also, you know how in AD canon that the Executions are always in pairs? Let’s have 2001 and 1145 the original pairing before he broke out. Then, 4989 with 2626 and 2048 and Eosinophil while 2001 gets stuck with Band Cell. Because, why not.

(Or, we go back to one of my most heinous friendships I ever created, 2001 and Dendritic Cell).

Can I also say that Bomber is such a bomb name for Platelet? (Pun completely intended).

And yeah, the WBC squad are definitely really uncomfortable when they undergo some cognitive dissonance here... perhaps it’s starting at this moment that they realize that Akudama aren’t that different from normal people... or the Executioners.

Bomb collars and surgery for 1146??? Ooohhhh, he must really be the top Executioner... I wonder if he’ll reunite with 2001 again as his partner or get someone new who can help control him. Because NK and Killer T are definitely partners.

On a side note you mentioned that they think that Executioners are a necessary evil. It’s like your acknowledging and somewhat hinting that they know this is wrong and that Akudamas aren’t inherently bad, but do so anyway because of a corrupt legal system. I love it. It really adds to the depth of the characters.

And yes, we need tragic villains with feelings.

As for Akudama Killer T... Maybe he went through some mental breakdown before realizing that the Executioners aren’t always right )if they were ever right in the first place). Perhaps he breaks like 1146 did, but instead of using his skills for constructive purposes, he goes all out and doesn’t care about the law anymore. He sort of becomes 1146’s foil. They’re both rear Executioners, both saw the errors of their ways, but while 1146 becomes a protector in his own way, maybe Killer T decides to become a mercenary.

I don’t know, I love parallels and showcasing how far characters have done.

(I REALLY WANTED PUPIL EXECUTIONER TO BECOME AN AKUDAMA OR AT LEAST HAVE A MOMENT TO HERSELF, BUT IT NEVER HAPPENED. AT LEAST THE DIRECTORS CUT IS SAID TO ADDRESS THAT).

Cancer as a father?

Cancer as a family man?

I... that’s a concept I never considered. Just, I can only imagine him playing with all of his experiments, knowing that one day, most of them will end up dying. He probably favors 3803 over Platelet because of how close they are in physical appearance/age and acts creepy about it.

(Is this my Abnormalities!verse writing urge acting up again, probably).

Hehehe, why but blunt 1146. That is so cute and adorable. He and 3803 constantly dance around the issue, especially due to the whole immortality thing, but he makes it clear that he doesn’t care. Though he doesn’t know it, he’s actually quite suave when he finally convinces her that it’s the time they spend together now that matters so they won’t regret in the future.

3803 swoons.

Husband??? Yes???

Macrophage as confirmed 3803/1146 shipper? Why not???

Ooohhh, Cancer is more aware than what was already expected... I HAVE ANOTHER IDEA!!!

So I know that I said earlier that Macrophage would be a combination of Hacker and Doctor, why not also make Cancer have Hacker elements? Think about it, he’s practically immortal and it was never truly confirmed how immortality works in AD canon. Maybe his immortality is due to a combination of high technology and organic stuff. Maybe, he can upload his consciousness at will so that he can “supervise” his children. It also adds credence to the whole “3803 had high tech to help her stave off heavy damage” that Killer T and NK think is what’s going on. I don’t know, I just think it would be cool to have Cancer be a god in the physical and technological world.

He would be so OP, but that’s what Cancer probably would want in CAW canon, so there, hahah.

Hmm, anything else? Let’s see, Killer T as an Akudama would definitely be more of a Brawler character... I don’t have anybody down for Hoodlum... But who do you think would be a best fit for Head Executioner? At first, I wanted Helper T, but I realized that he doesn’t get super utilized in canon, so why not make him Executioners alongside Regulatory T. Seriously, they don’t get enough screen time (especially Regulatory T).

As for the majority of Akudamas, most are definitely pathogens or germs, but I’m assuming some of them are actually Normal Cells... Normal Cells with benign mutations, but somehow get the attention of Executioners.

But yeah, this was an awesome little au. I’m down to read some action packed nonsense with these characters. You should definitely try your hand at writing this, hahah!

[goodnightkisseu]

Time To Heal - Chapter 1

→ pairing: sehun x reader 

→ genre: fluff, angst, struggling musician sehun x rich reader

→ word count: 2,427

→ warnings: none

→ summary: you had your life planned out for you ever since you were a little girl. However, when your friend, Baekhyun, takes you with him to his old hangout, you meet someone, someone you were willing to risk your parents’ criticism to be with. His name was Oh Sehun. But, in the end, what you really should have asked yourself, was if Sehun was ready to face your parents…

→ masterlist // exo masterlist // time to heal masterlist

→ [prologue] [ch.1] [ch.2] [ch.3] [ch.4] [ch.5] [ch.6] [ch.7]

→ updates taglist~: @chanyeolol @meryljill-111192 @sehunscutiepie

note: it took me a little longer than expected to finish up the editing for this first chapter, but it is now complete! I hope that you all enjoy this. The drama is about to start, is anyone ready for it? I’m not even ready for it >_>

Also, please let me know if you would like to be tagged in this story~

- ash <3

Traditions were essential for a family. A tradition didn't have to be grand. One of the ones that you and your parents still kept alive was your weekly dinners. Typically, it would occur on a Sunday, the day that marked the end of the previous week and the beginning of the next. The three of you would meet up, have a nice meal together, usually home-cooked, and talk about your weeks as well as what was to come. It was your way of checking in with each other, to make sure that everything was okay. Your lives didn't cross paths like it used to, and this was an excellent way of staying in touch.

This week, the dinner took place much earlier, on a Thursday evening. Your parents were expected at a prearranged dinner that Sunday. They were to be surrounded by the wealthy handful that made up their inner circle. So, tonight, you arrived at your parents' home, at six like you usually did on dinner nights. You parked your car outside of the large gate that guarded their home, and entered your pin, letting you through. You continued your journey up the many steps that led to the front door, which weaved through the beautiful garden they had completed last year, landing you in front of your old home. You let yourself in as you always did, taking the familiar route back towards the dining room. Your parents were seated, and with a smile, you took your usual seat across from them, ready for the feast before you.

As per usual, the dinner started off with your parents giving you an update on their company. They raved about the line that was slated for the spring and summer season. Apparently, the new designer that they had managed to lure over from one of the other fashion houses was doing a fantastic job at incorporating their own personal style with the core ideas of your family's brand. They always spoke fondly of their business, and honestly, it made sense to you.

Your parents' business was one that your father had built from the ground up. Back in the day, it started at a tiny studio far from the heart of the city, with very little equipment and very few employees. Back then, he was young and extremely inexperienced, but he had drive. He wanted to make a name for himself in the fashion industry, and he did just that. With his charisma and eye for talent, he was able to hire some talented designers, one of which was your mother. The start was rough, but with time, the brand grew rapidly, gaining notoriety for its trendy designs that referenced traditional patterns and practices. They soon outgrew their little studio, and that was the birth of your parents' fashion house. Time made them one of the top brands in the country and ultimately allowed them to mingle with the upper class.

When compared to your parents, your news was not nearly as exciting. It was still something you were proud of, however. Whereas they were busy running a big brand, you worked for a much smaller fashion house. You started there about a year ago, your work focused on style research and marketing studies and tactics. It wasn't a glamorous job by any means. It was not nearly as exciting as a designer's job, making the new line, or even a job making the final outfits. If anything, most would have hated it, and even your parents seemed to find it rather drab. However, this was the path that you had chosen for yourself, the path you decided to walk, and you were going to make the most of it. You were going to reach your goals on your own.

Three years ago, after graduating from college, your parents decided that they wanted to bring you into the company immediately. With your background in marketing and design, they had already made plans for you to be the apprentice for one of the company's designers. Working with them was their way of ensuring that you would learn the necessary skills. In doing so, by learning from experience, they hoped it would set you up to run the company in the future. They had all of this planned out, but not once did they mention this plan to you.

Once they did, you had to find it in yourself to decline their gracious offer. You had never been good at speaking up against your parents. They had raised you to be agreeable, and you were also naturally like that by nature. You never made a fuss, but even you knew that this was the right time to stand up for yourself. Much like your father who earned his merit by doing something many had thought was impossible, you also wanted to work your way up. You were a hard worker, and you were no stranger to putting in extra time to do well. You wanted to do this for your career so that you wouldn't take anything that your parents built for granted.

Unsurprisingly, your parents didn't understand your initial hesitance. To them, they were providing an opportunity of a lifetime. Still, you refused to earn your position through nepotism. And though it scared you to finally take a stand for yourself, you did. You explained to them what you wanted, what you had planned. Though they weren't particularly thrilled as this set them back on some of their plans, your father understood why you wanted to do it. They couldn't fault you for wanting to work hard... even if it meant they had to listen to these dry stories in the meantime.

When the standard line of topics ran their course, you expected that the three of you would continue to eat in silence as you always did. Once you finished, you would thank them and leave for the evening. Yet, what your mother asked you after the topic of current trends came to an end, was unexpected. "So dear, when do we get to meet him?"

Though you tried not to be wholly overrun with shock, you knew that surprise colored your features, far more than you wanted it to. "Meet whom, mother?" you inquired, sending the question right back at your mother. This line of questioning made you uneasy, and instead of taking a defensive ground from the start, you decided to feign innocence. With your luck, this question wouldn't lead anywhere. But if you were unlucky... you had to leave yourself some room.

Though you had worked hard to conceal your relationship with Sehun from your parents, it wasn't out of shame for him. You wanted him to meet your parents. You desired to show them how proud you were of him, to let them know how well the two of you matched as a couple. Yet, you also needed to do it when your parents had enough respect for you to be okay with your decisions. At this point in time, they still treated you like a child, one that didn't know any better. If you brought Sehun around now, it would have been like throwing him into the lion's den with no means of defending himself. You knew that you were an adult, that Sehun was an adult, but even so, he would have a hard time with your parents. Particularly, with his background.

Given the success of your family's business, it was expected that they ran in rather elite social circles. As you grew up with an above-average life, one that you were well aware skewed your perception of things at an early age, it also meant that your parents had certain... expectations for any man who you would date and possibly marry. Your parents required that he be from a renowned family. They preferred that this person have a business that they were set to inherit. If he didn't have that, he should at least have the know-how to start his own company. Yet, if none of these were possible, they expected, at a bare minimum, that he be working at a firm that allowed him to climb the ladder. They wanted to see drive and determination at work, the urge to make something out of their life.

In all honesty, in almost every way, Sehun was the complete opposite of what your parents wanted. His family wasn't well off. They were an average household trying to make enough to stay afloat. He wasn't set to inherit anything. His band was attempting to make their big break, hoping that a record label would sign them. And lastly, his job at the record store wasn't exactly earning him the big bucks, nor could he really climb the ladder there.

Still, even if he failed in almost every requirement that your parents had, he cared for you immensely. All throughout college, you had been worried about dating. You knew precisely how your parents would react to each guy you found attractive or had a connection with, and you couldn't bring yourself to put either of you through that emotional experience. Even so, Sehun managed to dive right past those worries. Sehun, just by being himself, by showing you great kindness, care, and love, allowed you to open up. He was special to you. This was exactly why the timing of revealing your relationship was so important.

"Sweetie, we are well aware that you're seeing someone. We've caught you glimpsing at your phone with the fondest look on your face. It's not Baekhyun that you're fawning over. He comes over frequently, and we've never seen you make those expressions towards him," your mother pointed out, her keen eyes noticing how your posture seemed to stiffen in response.

Truthfully, you were surprised that your mother even picked up on how different your interactions were with Baekhyun in comparison to the mystery person on your phone. You and Baekhyun were close, and you had hoped that your closeness would mask any telltale signs that you were dating someone. Apparently, you had let it slip.

"It's not a special someone," you replied, reassuringly. "It's a new friend from work. We have a group chat, and they sometimes say silly things." You had always been a terrible liar, but you were inwardly hoping that it was passable this time.

"Dear, what have we told you about lying. You've never been very good at it," your father said flatly. Well, there went all of your hopes that this was going to stop. "It seems like you're hiding this boyfriend of yours. Is there a particular reason you feel the need for us not to meet? You're not dating some hooligan, right?"

'No matter what I say, you would think he was a hooligan. Sehun's the sweetest man I've ever met though,' you thought to yourself. "I wouldn't say that I'm hiding him. I'm cautious. Our relationship is still in the early stages, and I want to make sure that we're more committed before the three of you meet," you explained. You knew that you couldn't hide your relationship anymore, but you were going to try and postpone this meeting for as long as you could. Nine months wasn't a short amount of time to be together, but it still wasn't enough time to prepare your boyfriend for your parents.

"Just because the relationship is in its early stages, it doesn't mean that we shouldn't meet. How do you know that we won't like your boyfriend?" your father pointed out before continuing. "Unless you already know that we wouldn't approve of him. And if that's the case, if you can't seem to pick a quality significant other, maybe we should look into arranging your marriage again."

You did your best to control your displeasure at the mention of an arranged marriage. As of your third year of college, they decided that it was time you got serious about your future. Without really asking you, they put together dates with the sons of their business partners. You willingly went on these dates, but you never felt a spark for any of these men. They had interests that didn't overlap with yours, and some were just uninterested in you as a whole. When you started dating Sehun, you had made the excuse that you wanted to focus on your career for the time being, that handling a relationship and work from the beginning was going to be difficult. Your parents agreed as none of the boys were a match at the time. But the fact that they wanted to meet Sehun now, and the fact that your father brought up an arranged marriage, it meant that they had started looking for someone behind your back. That bothered you greatly.

"We've talked to some very nice young men about you recently. They feel like they would suit you. Perhaps one of them would be a better fit for you and for the family if you are unsure about the one that you are currently seeing," your mother pointed out, confirming your suspicions. You knew that being the daughter of a wealthy family meant that you had few freedoms, but this felt like it was too much.  

Your mind raced to find some sort of excuse. You honestly thought that your parents would love Sehun if they could get over the fact that he didn't meet any of their criteria. But to soften them up, you needed time. You thought about asking for it, but you could already see it in your parents' eyes. They weren't going to take another excuse from you. Fate was telling you it was now or never, and you had never hated fate so much before.

"If you think this boy is the one, then we should meet him. Why don't you bring him by next week, for our usual dinner? It will be an excellent way for us to get to know him. I expect no other excuses. That's that," your mother said, putting an end to the topic.

The remaining dinner chatter had been sparse, and you found yourself leaving not long after. Your steps out to your car were slow, your mind still racing at how the topic of your love life got so out of control. On the entire way back, even after you were already in bed for the evening, all you could think about was Sehun. How were you supposed to prepare him for the worst and most challenging moment of his life?

[favescandis]

Mads Mikkelsen in AUGUSTMAN SG

Photos by Carlos Serraro. Words by Alexandra Pollard/Farhan Shah (June 2019)

article also found on augustman.com:

THE ENIGMATIC MADS MIKKELSEN IS HAVING A MOMENT THIS YEAR

“In many ways, it was the most physical thing I’ve ever done,” says Mads Mikkelsen of his film, Arctic, the gruelling tale of a man stranded in the snowy wilderness. “Ever.” It’s a big claim, especially coming from Mikkelsen. For one thing, the Danish actor had started out as a gymnast, then spent a decade as a dancer before quitting to study drama in 1996. He was already 31 at this point, but it didn’t take him long to make his mark – that same year, he appeared in the first of Nicolas Winding Refn’s acclaimed Pusher trilogy as a troubled heroin dealer, a role he reprised in 2004 to critical acclaim. In 2006, he broke out worldwide as eye-bleeding villain Le Chiffre in the Bond film Casino Royale. Later came The Hunt (2012) – a forthright and hauntingly nuanced portrait of a man falsely accused of child sexual abuse – and more mainstream fare, such as Marvel’s Doctor Strange, and Rogue One: A Star Wars Story.

And Arctic? It’s one of those sleeper hits that, much like a stone rolling down a steep snowy slope, has increasingly garnered acclaim from plaudits and audiences alike, long after its run in the cinema has ended. Much of this can be attributed to Mikkelsen, who is a riveting tour de force. It’s the type of film that sinks or swims based on the performance of one person. Mikkelsen hauls the film on his back and drags it along the ice to its very thrilling end. If anything, it very much resembles a certain A-List actor who goes by the moniker Leo and his performance in the harrowing The Revenant.

A Quiet Danish The 53-year-old has built a career on bringing gruff gravitas to smaller films, and a left-field sensibility – helped by his inscrutable face, all high cheekbones and distinctive pout – to mainstream ones. But today, he doesn’t want to talk about any of that. He is here to talk about Arctic. And only Arctic.

In fact, Mikkelsen won’t even roam into Arctic-adjacent territory. I mention a recent interview, in which he contested the idea that there’s a message about climate change wrapped up in the film’s stark survivalist narrative.

“That’s not what the film is about, that’s not the reason we made the film,” he says. “It’s a film about the difference between surviving and being alive. It’s a film about humanity.” Does he feel that in the current climate, both literally and politically speaking, people are increasingly seeing allegories that aren’t necessarily there? “I know exactly what you’re talking about, it’s The Guardian,” he says. “Of course that writer chose to make it what he wants, so I’m not making that mistake again. I’m talking about this film, and that’s it.”

So he doesn’t want to talk about anything else except the film? “No, because it always turns out to be the main message in the interview, and I’m not walking into that trap again.”

I can see why Mikkelsen is so cautious – that interview certainly contained some contentious quotes – though I find it hard to see how he was “trapped”. After all, surely nobody forced him to say: “Yeah, the climate is changing, but to what degree are we a part of it, and to what degree are we not and what to do about that is a big question. I mean the science is divided. Right now it seems like it’s not, but it is divided.” He went on to suggest that nuclear energy was a possible solution, “but nobody wants to have a talk about that”. When the interviewer brought up #MeToo, Mikkelsen said he was “reluctant to go there”, citing the response to a 2017 Matt Damon interview – in which he suggested that sexual misconduct allegations be treated on a “spectrum of behaviour” – as evidence that “this is not a healthy discussion any more”.

Does he feel he was misquoted? “Basically what I was trying to tell him is that when there is a conflict in the world, which there always is, and there is definitely now, the problem is the real lack of communication between the two sides. And it seems to be that nobody is really interested in having that conversation, and that communication. And that’s all I have to say about that subject.” I breeze past the mild irony in what he’s just said.

I had wanted to ask him his thoughts on the progress of diversity in Hollywood, given that he’s been involved in three major franchises – Bond, Star Wars and Marvel – all of which are having to confront historical deficiencies in that regard. “I have tons to say about that,” he says, “but not in this interview. I’m trying to sell a film that I’m immensely proud of, and I know that it will drown unless we just stick to the subject.”

Into The Wilderness Back to the film, then. Thankfully, it’s a very good one. Aside from the brief, startling appearance of a polar bear (“It was a so-called ‘semi-trained’ polar bear, and that little giveaway told us absolutely not to go anywhere near it”), Arctic is a two-hander. In fact, Mikkelsen’s Overgård spends the first third entirely alone. We observe him going through the motions of his daily ritual – catching fish, carving out “SOS” in huge letters in the snow, checking his radio transmitter for signs of life – though he seems to have given up hope of being found. “He’s just there, he’s existing,” says Mikkelsen. “He’s surviving, rather than being alive.”

In another interview, the Danish actor revealed that he walked for 12 to 13 hours every day for the film. “Just to get the amount of calories [for that] was impossible. So I just forgot to eat that much and got weaker and weaker from day one.” Much like how his character become more and more frail as the film progressed.

It was crucial to Mikkelsen that the movie not fall into the “flashback trap”. We learn very little about the protagonist, what his life was like before his helicopter crashed. “In the ’80s, we started doing flashbacks and then everyone fell in love with that,” says Mikkelsen. The way he sees it, almost every film these days uses that structure. Or, at least, has the lead character regaling another with the story of their past.

“It becomes a problem when we think it is a necessity, that we have to know that he has two blonde boys back home who are waiting for papa to come home. I mean, seriously, isn’t it heartbreaking enough? Do we really have to see these two kids crying back home? Can’t we just imagine how painful it is for everyone? I think that is the strength of this film, not to play the violins of emotions. And another thing, if we place him in a world that is very precise, it wouldn’t be me and you up there, it would be him, and we wanted it to be me and you in this situation. We wanted it to be a film about humanity and not a film about a specific person.”

If at first it is us and him, soon a third party enters the picture. When another helicopter crashes nearby, killing the pilot instantly, Overgård is given a reason to live. A young woman (María Thelma), the only other person in the helicopter, is badly injured but alive. Helping her survive becomes his only goal. “His humanity starts coming back to him,” says Mikkelsen. “He becomes, slowly, more and more alive.”

When Thelma turned up for her first day of filming, Mikkelsen was elated. “That was the happiest day on set when she came,” he said. “I had spent so much time alone at that point, I was going crazy. Having an actor to talk to and go through ideas with was just a gift from heaven. And obviously for the character himself, it was also the best day of his life. Even though what happened was a disaster, it was also a gigantic gift.”

An Atypical Arc I was a little worried, when we first meet the woman (we never properly learn her name), that the film was going to turn into a romance. “I had the exact same feeling reading the script,” chuckles Mikkelsen, newly convivial, clearly happy to be back on topic. “She appeared and I was like, ‘Uh oh, here we go!’ I was so pleased it didn’t happen. If they’d spent 10 years out there, maybe it would have gone a different way, but that’s not the situation here. It’s absolutely not the first thing on your mind when you’re in a situation like this one. So yes, I was as pleased as you.”

There are moments of intimacy between them, though. At one point, when Overgård is laying the unconscious woman out onto a makeshift bed in his helicopter, he holds on to her for a moment longer than is strictly necessary. “It’s one of my favourite moments in the film,” says Mikkelsen. “It just came out of that situation actually, I was trying to lay her down on that bed, and then I realised that he would… he’s been craving this intimacy, another human being hasn’t been here for so long, so he just did it. It’s so beautiful. Not until we released the film… there were a few people commenting on that moment, in this era, [suggesting] that that could have been mistaken, but we never thought about that. We just thought it was such a beautiful moment.”

It’s not just because he’s had his fingers burnt that Mikkelsen only wants to talk about this film. He is evidently chuffed with it – particularly how it conveys with only the sparsest of dialogue the very essence of humanity and our need for connection. “It takes two to tango, it takes two people to become human,” he says. “It’s very, very difficult to be a human being all by yourself. So that’s the story we wanted to tell. In many ways, she’s the one saving him.”

Arctic is not the only glacial title that Mikkelsen acted in this year. He was also the lead in the Netflix film Polar, which has nothing to do with ice in spite of its name. It’s a return to form for Mikkelsen, who had been somewhat in the shadows for the past two years. But in some respects, Mikkelsen has perhaps come to grips with the new world now. And is ready to demonstrate to the younger audience why he’s always been known as the actor’s actor.

by Farhan Shah

[marshmallow-phd]

Lies Untold

Part of The Untamed - EXO Wolf Universe

Genre: Supernatural, Wolf Au

Pairing: Luhan x Reader

Summary: For generations, your family has been the protectors of mankind. You were considered one of the best and due to that reputation, you were sent on what could be the most important mission for the organization. Going under cover in a college to sniff out a particularly large and threatening wolf pack seemed easy enough. But when you meet one of the members, everything you’ve known since birth will be overturned and your loyalty to your family and heritage will be tested.

Part: 1 I 2 I 3 I 4 I 5 I 6 I 7 I 8 I 9 I 10 I 11 I 12 I 13 I 14 I Final

**

Darkness surrounded you. No trickle of light leaked through any of the blacked out windows or through the doors you knew to be twenty feet ahead of you. While you weren’t quite blind to the point to where your body would begin to panic, it was enough that your other senses were taking over and kicking into overdrive. You kept all concentration on your hearing, searching for the slightest sound behind you.

It was quiet; so much so that it dulled your eardrums and drew too much of the focus on your own heartbeat. But your years of training taught you to fight back against the fatigue and you caught the soft sound of rope lowering on the pulley.

You whipped around, arrow already loaded, and shot the bag of sand, splitting it open and letting the thousands of bead-sized rocks spill out onto the floor before the bag even reached ten feet above your head. Spinning on the balls of your feet, you whisked the small dagger from your boot with a shrink, throwing it flawlessly at the wooden cut out that had popped up across the room.

Over and over, different targets sprung up or dropped down from all angles. Your breath quickened as your energy drained, but you pushed through it, not letting your guard down for a second. Some had attacks of their own, sending daggers or wooden stakes in your direction. They were easy enough to dodge as you flipped or summersaulted out of the way.

Sweat slid down your face, tracing your hairline from the top of your forehead before dripping from your jaw. No more targets cropped up and you stood there in the middle room, your breath in and out of your lungs being the only source of noise. Then a soft whistle you knew all too well pierced through the air. Without even thinking through the motion, you turned, arm held out, and caught the arrow midair before it could hit you in the back.

Slow clapping echoed off the walls as the lights flickered on. Your mother walked into the room from the now wide open doors, spilling light onto every surface and revealing the damage you had done throughout the session. Your little sister slide down from the balcony using one of the wooden columns, a short recurve bow strapped to her back.

“Your aim isn’t improving,” you chastised. At thirteen, Ally was still in training, but her skills weren’t developing at quite the pace you would have hoped. She still struggled with the bow, but she was deadly with knives and could slink around like a cat. To be a hunter, though, you needed to be well rounded, excelling in every category. It’s what kept you alive.

Ally just stuck her tongue out at you.

“Punk,” you scoffed under your breath.

“I truly think you’re ready,” your mother mused as she beamed at you with a proud smile, missing the childish interaction between her daughters.

“Of course she’s ready.” Your father joined you from the shadows, hands behind his back and a calculating look in his eye. “This mission is the single most important assignment that has ever come to our family. It’s vital that you succeed. The future of the hunters rests on it.”

You nodded once, hard and certain. “I understand.”

“Your bags are all packed and the apartment is set up for you,” your mother informed you. “You’ll head out tomorrow.”

Your father kissed the top of your head as if you were still his little girl rather than a grown hunter. But you didn’t protest. There much more love in your family than some of the others. You’d seen how cold and distant some of the parents could be. It made you wonder how they were able to make a child in the first place.

Perhaps that little dash of love is what gave you the extra advantage. You had something to fight for, something to come back to. The mission – the overall mantra of the organization – was not your end all, be all.  Because of that little something extra, you were given a great honor, something that wasn’t often approved.

While moving from place to place and tracking down supernatural creatures was no stranger to you and your way of life, solo missions were rare. As ordinary humans, it was better to go to in groups against wolves, to have someone to watch your back and stay by your side. Especially when there was a large pack involved.

But this time, you had to go alone. It was too risky to send a group – and you were the only one who could blend into the environment without giving yourself away or looking too suspicious. It was an honor to be trusted like this, but it would be a lie if you didn’t say you were a little afraid.

It would be you versus a pack of unknown numbers. While you had a bit of information at your fingertips, you were still going in mostly blind. The intel you’d collect over the last year and half was sparse, but every detail would count towards your ultimate goal: to take out every wolf until the world was purged of them all. They were a threat to humanity and needed to be extinguish.

Supper that night was quiet, only the clanking of silverware against your mother’s finest china resonated in the dining room. You chewed your steak slowly, the nerves in your stomach making it hard to take in much food. If your current state was obvious, no one commented on it. Being nervous was only natural, a primal instinct that couldn’t be put out.

You excused yourself after finishing half your plate and shuffled off to your room.

Piled up by the door just inside your sanctuary were your bags to take with you. Most were full of clothes - of both the civilian and hunter variety. No one knew how long this mission would take. You could gone a month or a whole year, so you took a majority of your clothing and necessities just in case. One piece of luggage, however, was locked up tight, containing your favorite bow and several other smaller weapons that you thought might come in handy.

Pressing your thumb up against the lock of the case, you waited for the springs to hitch and the clips to snap up before lifting the lid. With careful fingers, you lifted the bow up, examining every inch for the hundredth time.

The dull black of the base blended in perfectly with the night when you were aiming to be invisible. Your string was tight yet gave enough to pull the arrow back before letting it go, flying towards its target.

Knock, knock, knock.

Ally poked her head into your room sheepishly. Smiling just a little at her predictability, you waved her in the rest of the way.

“Come on.”

A big, brace-filled grin grew on her face as she hopped inside, closing the door behind her before she plopped down beside you on floor.

“Are you checking everything again?” your little sister giggled.

Rolling your eyes, you put your bow back into its foam holding and closed the lid. “Always check your equipment before going out into the field.”

“Okay, Dad.” After a few seconds of silence, the smile on Ally’s face faded.

If there was one thing you didn’t like about this mission, it was leaving her. It was too dangerous for her to come with you and she wasn’t even close to finishing her training. You ran your fingers through her hair, letting the strands slip away and fall back down to her shoulders.

“I won’t be gone too long.”

“Yeah, right,” she muttered. “Who knows how long you’ll be away. And you know the rules: no unnecessary contact. What if something happens to you?”

You scoffed. “Nothing is going to happen to me. Do you really have that little faith in me?”

“You’re going up against one of the biggest packs we’ve ever seen! Johnny said-”

“Oh screw what Johnny says!” you snapped. Shifting yourself so you were completely facing Ally, you took her hands. “Listen. Johnny is an asshole who’s sour because he couldn’t spot a wolf if it came up and sniffed his behind so they’re sending me instead.” That made her giggle. Good. You were already lifting her mood. “We’re not sure how big this pack is, okay? Is it larger than the average one? Yeah, it seems like it. But it’s nothing I can’t handle. This isn’t a takedown mission. It’s simply covert. Trust me, okay? Your big sister has got this.”

For a good minute, Ally said nothing. She didn’t look at you either, letting her eyes wander around the floor aimlessly.

“You’ll come back, right?” she finally mumbled.

Throwing your arms around your, you pulled your baby sister in close to your chest. “I will always come back.”

No matter what this mission had in store, you would fight like hell to get back to Ally. To you, she was still that tiny, vulnerable little bundle that needed your protection.

You were roughly her age when she was born. At first, you saw her as a nuisance that took your parents’ attention away from your training and from you in general. But it didn’t take long for this helpless lump of flesh to take ahold of your heart forever. Now, she came first. She was the one that you were fighting for.

Besides, this was such a covert mission that you would be out of harm’s way for the most part. What was the worst that could happen?

**

Luhan woke up to the sound of absolute chaos.

Groaning, he flipped over to his side so he could shove his face into the pillow to try and muffle the noise. Didn’t anyone care that a majority of his job happened late at night?

Of course they didn’t. They were all too lost in their own little worlds.

After another minute or two of trying to go back to sleep, Luhan gave up and pushed himself into a sitting position. Little flecks of crust were still holding his eyelids together. He didn’t try to fight against it, instead just swaying there for a moment with his eyes still closed shut.

Almost as soon as he’d left all those years ago, he’d wanted to return to the farmhouse. He’d missed his brothers, Minseok and Sehun especially. But he’d sworn to stay by Kris’ side and he couldn’t let his alpha wander off alone. When they finally did come back, he hadn’t expected all the changes that took place during their absence.

So many of them had their mates and more were coming in by the day. When both Kris and Junmyeon had met their mates at the same time, it excited Luhan. That had to mean his was just around the corner, right?

Crash!

The whole ceiling in Luhan’s room shook from whatever had just occurred in the space above him. He just had to take the room under the kitchen. Oh, well. It beat staying up in the crowded second floor.

Finally peeling his eyes open, Luhan stretched out his muscles and climbed out of bed. Since he was just in a plain shirt and sleep pants, he didn’t bother to change before he stumbled out of the room and up the stairs.

Just as he suspected, the kitchen was filled to the brim with the wolves and their mates. As it was a Saturday morning, no one had school to hurry to or jobs to arrive on time for. The source of the earlier crash seemed to be from Chanyeol accidentally dropping a whole pan of eggs on the floor. He was currently getting a nice scolding from Lanie and looking much like the overgrown pup that he was.

A small tug on Luhan’s pant leg took his attention away from the pair to the area at his feet. He smiled brightly at the little girl who’d crawled her way over to him and was now using his leg as support while she wobbled cutely on her still feet. Not even hesitating, Luhan scooped the nine-month old into his arms, resting her as best as he could on his flat male hip. She didn’t seem to mind, though, as she clenched her fists into his shirt.

“Is this you saying you want Uncle Luhan to feed you this morning?”

Evie - Kris’ mate and fiancé - approached the pair with a warm bottle in one hand and a small bowl of dry cereal in the other.

Little Mei let out a squeal that could only be decoded as a yes. Luhan carried her over to the dining table, moving her to his lap as Evie set the bottle and bowl down in front of him. Several of the mates were staring as Luhan concentrated on feeding the little girl. Even some of the other wolves were looking on with a sparkle in their eyes.

While Evie had been pregnant, a majority of the pack threw around jokes about how it just had to be Kris who got his mate pregnant first. After Limei was born, though, the jokes turned into hushed whispers of having their own. There was hardly any room left with everyone here now. Junmyeon was already talking to contactors about possibly building a second house. If the mates really started talking seriously about adding to the pack, Junmyeon was going to need to turn the talks into actions. Or maybe Luhan could just move into the garage.  

“Dadadada.” Mei babbled on and on in between bites as if she was trying to participate in the relentless chatter around her.

Kris, hearing his daughter from the other room, came scurrying towards the table and knelt down so he was almost at eye level with her. “No, Mei, I’m dada. Say dada to me. Say dada.”

It took all his supernatural strength for Luhan to bite down on his laugh when Mei clammed up, refusing to say anything towards the alpha wolf.

Hanging his head, Kris let out a deep sigh before pushing himself back into a standing position. Evie came over with a plate of food and placed it in front of Luhan.

“Here, Lu. Why don’t you go ahead and eat and I’ll finish up feeding Mei.”

“Okay,” Luhan smiled up at her. Evie was the only person who ever called him “Lu” and he kind of enjoyed it. They had a bit of a special bond after that night she got a little too drunk in his bar and spilled her guts about being in love with Kris. She treated him like a brother, even if little moments like this made Kris’ inner wolf jealous. Luhan didn’t take it to heart; it was a natural reaction, especially since he was still unmated.

Evie lifted Mei into her arms, but almost immediately, the little girl reached for her dad. Kris’ face lit up to suddenly being wanted by his daughter and gladly held her against his chest. Evie simply rolled her eyes with a shrug and walked away. The poor thing had to get used to sharing Mei very quickly after she was born, hardly getting any alone with her.

Turning his focus to the fresh plate of breakfast in front of him, Luhan gobbled the delicious food down. He wanted to get out of here pretty quickly before he could notice too much of the mate adoration around him. His brothers were feeding their mates or just being overly touchy and affectionate. There was only so much he could take on his own. Sehun and Tao were nowhere to be seen, most likely either hiding out in their rooms until most of the pack scattered to do whatever they had scheduled today or already left to cause more havoc to the poor university town they called home.

Once Luhan cleaned off his plate, he rinsed it off and put it in the dishwasher before slipping out the back door, completely unnoticed by the rest of his pack.

Junmyeon had asked that no one go running alone out of worry of what the local witches had apparently seen in a random vision. There hadn’t been any more premonitions and nothing had happened to be concerned about. Given the fact that Junmyeon simply requested they stick together and not outright ordered it, Luhan found no difficulty in undressing behind the garage and shifting as he ran towards the woods.

Sometimes… sometimes his pack was just too much. Or maybe Luhan had simply let his hopes rise too high.

When wolf after wolf was finding their mate in the most random of ways, Luhan thought he would be next any day. But then a month went by after Kris and Junmyeon. And then another. Before he knew it, a year and a half had gone by with no new mates appearing. Tao and Sehun were ecstatic. Luhan, on the other hand, was finding it harder to deal with.

He was lonely. He could admit it. Even as he plastered on a smile and took refuge in being a helpful uncle to little Mei, he couldn’t stamp down the ever-growing hole in his chest. When an unmated wolf was constantly surrounded by the love and contentment of his paired off brothers, it watered and fed a jealousy that could snap at any moment. And Luhan was definitely balancing on the tip of a knife.

As he ran through the trees, he couldn’t help but wonder at where she could possibly be. Was she far away, somewhere he hadn’t been before? Or was she so close that he’d just missed her walking down the street due to fate’s cruel ways?

No matter how many times he asked himself those questions, no answers would ever appear. He would just have to wait and see when his mate would show. He was sure whenever that happened, it would be worth the wait.

[thedyingmoon]

🖤 I See My Future Before Me 🖤

~ A V X Reader Fanfiction, by yours, truly. 🖤

~ Set after Nero supposedly beats Urizen that 16th of May in an alternate universe. 🖤

~ V goes on a search for power to keep his mortal flesh from crumbling - a result from his failure to merge with Urizen. With the Yamato at his disposal, he goes to every place he could think of, looking for any clue and any kind of magic to heal him.

However, his search for that elusive power led him back to Red Grave, where a disaster beyond his imagination has already began to claw its way towards its helpless citizens.

Along with familiar faces, he takes on the very reckless job, hoping to atone for all the mistakes he has done in the past, all the while trying his very best to reconcile with the very few people he knew. He is aware that he might die along the way without ever having to see through his search for that different kind of power, but, deep in his heart, he knew he would be doing one last act of kindness towards the people he tried to end in the past.

Until he meets an equally mysterious girl who, like the rest of them, takes on the job. But, unlike them, she looks like she does not possess any kind of power at her disposal to win the war against the Dreadnought. What is her purpose? What is her motivation for going through this dangerous decision? And more importantly, what are those secrets she is hiding from the rest of them, but, particularly, from him, of all people? 🖤

~ As I've said before, the prologue part was an experiment. This is still an experiment. I have no idea how much my very first V X Reader fanfic would be received, so any kind of constructive criticisms are welcome. If you like it, then please, heart it. You can also share them with your friends. It would mean so much to me. 🖤

~ This is dedicated to @acieoj , the very first person who became interested in this tale. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't even publish this here. Thank you so much. This is for you, and the 3 people who liked the prologue. 🖤

***

I

For him, it started about a week ago. But, for you, it all started way back since you were little.

You didn't exactly have a normal childhood, as one would experience. Yes, you were poor, and your parents were farmers. You have a little sister about two years younger than you and she was the only one who played with you. You and your family lived in a small village north of Fortuna, away from civilization, away from the bustling crowd. Of course, you never minded. You were young, and you honestly thought that you had the perfect life.

But, everything changed one day when a group of pale people came to visit your family. Behind a closed door, you and your sister listened in on the conversation between them and your parents, hearing your names being brought up occasionally. Then, they were gone. Your life returned to normal after that.

Or so, you thought. About a few days later, some men came to visit your father. You could still remember your mother tending to the wounds those men inflicted upon your father. Then, the next day, you woke up to the smell of burning wood. Your house was burning, and so was the vast field of wheat your parents have been painstakingly working on. All of you escaped. Thankfully, none of you were harmed. Your parents carried you and your sister towards the nearest village, knocking on doors, begging for food, offering labor for a shelter. Your father and mother did everything they could to provide for you, but none of the people from that village dared to even look at you and your family. You could even remember some of them throwing rocks at you, saying you were the "plague", and that they would "perish" should they even try to look at you.

Then, as if by an unuttered prayer, those pale people came back, smiling at you, showing their sickly - looking white teeth, as if they were trying to eat you. Then, and only then, did your parents finally gave you and your sister. Of course, you struggled, not wanting to part from them, but to no avail. They took you and your sister away on a sleek, black carriage, which was being pulled by a pair of dark horses that seemed to glow both purple and blue. You even saw your parents being led somewhere by more of those pale people, down that dusty pathway, getting smaller and smaller until you could no longer see them from the window of the carriage.

The ride was suffocating and fearful. They all smiled at you, reassuring you that you will be safe, when in fact, you felt the opposite. A few minutes later, you arrived at their home - a dark castle that stood on a lone, dark forest. They led you two inside and showed you to your room without even giving you food. You could still remember your sister crying non - stop all throughout the evening.

That was just the beginning of the torture, though, for the next day proved to be too much for the both of your fragile bodies. You were harshly woken up by a pair of maids in pure white. They led you to a huge bathroom, gave you a harsh scrubbing, pulled your hair back and tied them into a severe ponytail, and dressed you in very tight and uncomfortable clothes. Then, you were led outside. A beautiful woman in black made you and your sister, and some other poor girls who, you're sure, were taken from their families, as well, stand in that huge hallway in a perfect line formation. The woman said something about an age old story you can't quite remember, then something about achieving "earthly perfection", whatever that was. A sweet kind of music sounded off, and the woman in black started walking, looking at you and all the girls, appraising you with a scrutinizing eye. Then, she dismissed you, letting you have your meals.

The next day, as you stood in that hallway with your sister, you noticed that five girls were missing. That same woman in black finally opened that huge, ornate door and gestured all of you to enter. You soon noticed that the big, circular room you were led at had multiple mirrors as walls. Everywhere you look, there were those same pale people who smiled sweetly at you. At the woman's signal, that same, sweet music from yesterday sounded off once more, but this time, the woman didn't appraise you. Instead, a much younger lady came forward and started dancing in front of you, her graceful movements making you mesmerized. And as the lady danced, the woman spoke once more of that age old story and their goal of this earthly perfection. Then, all of you were made to follow into the dancer's footsteps. She made you dance for hours, until none of you were no longer able to stand properly. After that, like yesterday, you were dismissed.

And, just like yesterday, a few girls went missing the next day. The lesson went on and on, the dances getting more and more difficult, the story getting more and more complex as the days gone by, as months passed, as years went on.

Blindly, you followed their rules, not wanting to end up missing, like those other girls. They forbade you to cut your hair, you were just taught to tie them intricately. You learned how to curb your appetite, as you could remember one girl going missing right after having too much food for her own good. You learned to walk with a straight back, not once letting yourself slouch for even a second, like that girl who went missing the next day. You diligently studied language and ancient art, not wanting to fail exams. The girls who failed? Well, away they go, not to be seen again. And, most of all, you did your best at dancing, not once letting your weak, starved body fall to the ground in exhaustion. You did the best you could to stay alive, for you knew what fate awaited you should you fail even once.

After six whole years of torture, you knew you were closely getting to the image of your captors' idea of an earthly perfection. That was, until your teacher introduced you to your first ballet shoes. You, and what was left of you girls, were made to wear and stand using them. Half of you failed, including you. You knew from the moment you fell that they were surely going to murder you, but your sister, who once cried herself to sleep for two years straight, who always relied on you for help, who ran to you for support in times of true pain, stepped up and shielded you away from the pale people who tried to take you away. At first, they were mad, unable to stand a slave who had the guts to stand up to them. But, when she spread out her arms like wings, held her head high like a queen, and stood perfectly using those hellish shoes, they were wide - eyed. And not only that. The moment she started dancing to the sweet music that tortured you for years, it was clear that she had already surpassed your teacher.

A fair and beautiful maiden lacking of any visible flaw, your sister has achieved her earthly perfection.

The pale people were beyond ecstatic. But, most of all, you were grateful to her. They would never take you away, for they have acquired your sister. What are you, a failure, to them when they already have her? You stood up to hug her, but she only gave you a sad look.

Days passed, and your sister became more and more distant. She didn't talk to you, and she never even slept on the same room with you anymore. She was being treated like a Goddess, pampered and spoiled and looked after. Whenever you call her name, she would just give you a melancholic look.

Then, on that particularly rainy day, she didn't show up. You tried asking your teacher about her, but of course, she would not answer. Days gone by without her, and you began to really fear for her.

What did they do to her? She was perfect! A maiden born of their ideologies and beliefs!

You had enough. You strode towards your teacher and demanded to know where she was. She only looked at you with coldness in her eyes and plainly told you that your sister had failed. You argued with her, until you were finally taken away by those pale people, throwing you in a dark and cold dungeon, where you saw, in utter horror, some items, a comb, a hairpin, a stained ribbon - some of the personal belongings of the girls who went missing. You knew you were going to die.

For a long time, you stayed there, starving and at the brink of death. Until the door was opened and you were harshly let out. They dragged you further down into the deepest, darkest part of the castle. Your time was slowly coming to an end. They led you into a dark room illuminated only by a single torch from the wall. They practically threw you inside and shut the door. You tried to stand up, but didn't have enough strength. It was then that you heard some movements from the farthest corner of the room. You tried to see past your spinning vision to know what it was, but the moment you saw it, you knew it was all over, for a fearful, demonic being with long, twisted horns approached you, its eyes yellow, its drool dripping on the cold ground.

You knew it would surely kill, or worse, eat you, but then, you suddenly heard a tiny voice inside your head. As the Demon approached you, the voice became louder and clearer, addressing you.

"Mortal who is about to cross fates, why have you summoned me?" It said to you.

You knew you were only having a delusion, and at that point, who cared for you, anyway? Your parents were gone, your sister was gone. What would you do except to accept the fact that your miserable life was coming to an end?

The Demon growled at you and lunged forward for the kill, when you were suddenly enveloped by a shield of warm light. You were shocked upon seeing an entity made of light materialize in front of you.

"Who,... what are,... y-you?" Your weak voice barely made out the sentence.

"I' am the one called - "

The Demon, who was getting angrier and angrier, growled even louder as it tried to get past the shield of light that was conjured up by the being of light in front of you.

"... a. Aspect of future. Protector of the present. Bearer of the past. I have come to fulfill a wish."

"A wish?"

The entity was glowing so brightly, casting the shadows aside, drawing the Demon out, almost melting its tough skin with the radiance. It spoke once more.

"You who are worthy of power, speak my name, and I shall do all your bidding."

You tried to stand up and approach it. You opened your mouth and uttered a single word - the ancient name that bound you to this entity for as long as you lived.

And the moment you spoke its name, a flash of bright light blinded both you and the Demon. The guards outside were startled, and when they opened the door to investigate, they were met by this entity, now taking over your body as its host. They fell on their knees, instantly recognizing you as their savior, but they were gravely mistaken as you held out your hand and disintegrated them with pure light, just like what you did with the Demon before them.

After that, the entity led you up towards the upper level, blasting a door on the sixth floor where the pale people secretly gathered. There, in your complete and utter horror, you saw your sister, or what remained of her, crucified on a steel cross surrounded by wilted roses. Her once beautiful body was mangled, almost beyond recognition. A crown of thorns was placed on her head where blood still dripped, and beneath her, on the bloodstained marble floor, was a form of an intricate circle with unknown writings on it.

The pale people, just like those guards before, fell down on their knees and threw their hands down in worship.

"O great one!"

"We thought we failed!"

"You have come to fulfill our wishes!"

"Take our offering of an earthly perfection as a sacrifice, and we'll do all your bidding!"

"Grant our wishes!"

"Grant our wishes!"

But, you were beyond mad and terrified for what they did to your sister.

So, this was all this is about - them abducting little girls, forming and torturing them to be perfect, only to be offered to an unknown entity who would fulfill their greedy wishes?!

"All of you,..." you said in a loud and unrecognizable voice. "DIE!"

With the new power you acquired, you killed everyone on sight, not sparing a single life. You burned everything down from ceiling to floor, lighting up the night and filling it with unearthly screams of death and despair. You blamed yourself for your sister's death, not being good enough to protect her.

You lost your parents, you lost your sister, you lost everything.

It was all because of those pale people who worshipped a fake god in order to satiate their own greed.

But, you also blamed yourself for not being strong, and perfect, enough to protect your loved ones.

***

"As I was saying," A stunning brunnette was talking to her freckled and energetic daughter. "You can't just go in there uninvited, Nicoletta!"

"Why?! He's my father!" The freckled daughter argued. "Why can't I see my father?"

"Because he had a lot of important things to do."

"More important than coming home?"

"Nicoletta, that's,..."

The mother just sighed. Her daughter was right. Why was her husband not coming home? Was his work more important than them, his own family?

She remained silent as she contemplated for a while until Nicoletta started pulling on her apron.

"What is it now?"

The mother looked at the direction where Nicoletta was pointing at and found, lying on the ground naked and unconscious, a girl with long hair and fair skin. She was there right at the ruins of an old castle and she was clearly not there for a good night's rest.

"Mum, what's that?"

"Oh, my God!" The mother almost dropped the contents of her shopping bag as she and her daughter Nicoletta ran towards her.

***

🖤🖤🖤

[fernwehbookworm]

Woke the F*ck Up- Chapter 14

February 23rd, 2018

The news hit the next day. Lena Luthor was missing. Last seen getting off a flight at National City Airport. No one saw the car she got into or how she left the airport. Pain lanced through Kara's heart. The blurry image Winn managed to 'acquire’ from the NCPD shows Lena still in a beautifully elegant dress from the pictures from the gala in Metropolis. She had no luggage. She must have left the fundraiser and headed straight for National City.

Kara felt like a coward. Cat had tried to convince her to go. To see Lena face to face but Kara couldn't take any more rejection. Lena had never called or even text. That was clear enough for Kara. So Cat went alone, to auction off the original for the CatCo cover that broke the record in sales the first day. Kara promised Cat ten percent commission on every other painting sold. The only reason Kara could think of for Lena to come so suddenly is to see her.

If only she had gone to Metropolis. Then Lena wouldn't be missing. Kara suspected Lillian. How else would the crime boss get to a vigilante whose mother was halfway across the world taking the honeymoon she and Jeremiah never were able to take, whose sister was an FBI agent, and whose friends were vigilantes with her. Plus Lena was her daughter and could probably serve other nefarious purposes as well.

With determination, Kara strode to the hidden panel in the central command table and pressed he palm to the reader. A green light scanned her hand and the panel opened with a small gush of air.

“Whoa, I didn't put that there. Where did that come from?” Winn exclaims, sitting up in his chair, dropping his feet to the floor from where they had been perched by a computer.

“I put it here. I may not be you smart but I have a few tricks up my sleeve. Plus Alex has the same model and helped me to install it a while ago.”

Kara begins unloading the contents of the compartment on the table. Winn shoots to his feet and James turns from where he has been studying the layout of the Cadmus base.

“Kara, I thought you didn't like guns.”

“I don't like them. Doesn't mean I don't know how to use them. Alex made sure of that.”

“Kara…” James says disapprovingly.

“Don't fucking start with me James. Lillian has kidnapped Lena and now  that woman has gone too far this time.”

“You have no proof Cadmus has Lena,” James says.

“Lillian knows who I am. Of course she has Lena. This is personal now. She has been trying to take my city, she sure as hell won't take the woman I love.” Kara pauses as the word leaves her lips and knives through her heart.

“Kara, I thought you were past this. I thought that’s what all the therapy was for.” James says. Kara looks at him hard.

“Therapy was so I could handle everything in a healthy fashion. But I do love Lena. How we ended sucked, and it will take time for me to move past it, but I blaze like that leaves its mark. But I will not leave the woman I love in the clutches of her evil mother and a criminal organization.”

Kara begins strapping her collection to her uniform. Two handguns at her hips, a smaller one strapped to her right thigh, mirrored by an array of throwing knives on her left. Smoke and flash-bang grenades are loaded into the pouches at her waist. A shotgun is slung to her back. An ammo belt slings across her body as more ammo weighs down her utility belt.

“Kara I don't like this.”

“Have I not made it clear enough? James, you are only here to make sure you don't kill yourself doing this on your own. Because you threatened to do it on your own. I couldn't look my cousin in his eye if anything happened to you. But you are not my friend. You have done nothing to act like a friend. All you've done since the day I turned you down is mope and try to tell me what to do like some Alpha male who got his favorite toy taken away. Don't forget it was me that saved your ass. I don't fucking want you here. But you are because you are Clark's and Winn's friend for some ungodly reason. I couldn't give two shits what you think. And you can stay behind for all that matters.”

Silence falls after the angry ringing of Kara's words. James walks slowly away and back upstairs to the gym. Kara lets out an exasperated sigh.

When she’s dressed, she calls Alex to start forming a plan with the DEO. This was too big for just herself. Winn begins searching their known Cadmus bases for any new activity.

February 24th, 2018

Lena sits strapped to an uncomfortable chair for hours. Her mother seems convinced that that Power Girl would show up. Lena was much less sure but her throbbing lip from her mother smacking her across the month was enough for her to save her breath and any more unnecessary pain. By Lena’s best guess, a payment of three million dollars would be made to her kidnappers in less than twenty-four hours. Another two would be paid with her safe return. She had read the paperwork when she was made CEO, apparently, it was standard for Luthor’s to have their lives threatened. She could hear boots striking the floor outside the empty sounding room. Men patrolling, and, as near as she could tell, one would cross from one door to the other in the room to check her binding. It was getting colder and the dress left too much of her skin exposed. Chills ran down her spine and goosebumps rose along her arms and legs.

Silence stretches on, only timed by the repetitive hard soled shoes striking concrete. Lena’s eyes grew heavy from lack of sleep and the darkness of her blindfold. She dozed, only coming awake every time a knuckle-dragging, brute tightened her ropes. She thought of Kara in the silence. Leaving her, sleeping with Veronica, then never calling. She hoped Kara could forgive her. Or would at least talk to her. Everything was so messed up, her whole life was messed up from the moment the Luthor’s adopted her. Time ticked by slower and slower until Lena couldn't even tell if it was passing or standing still.

Then it all rushed to start again as the first gunshot rang out. Shouting began, distant and muffled but marching closer. Then a different sound. One above her, someone trying to be quiet but the distinct sound of glass being scratched, then a soft thud right in front of her.

Kara lowers herself from the glass ceiling to the floor. Lena sits blindfolded and alone, tied to the chair. Her lip is split and swollen. Lena’s head jerks up at the soft sound of Kara touching down in the large, empty room. Kara switches on the voice modulator in order to hide her shaking voice.

“Shhh, stay quiet now. I’m here to save you.” Lena stiffens at the almost digital voice.

“Power Girl. You can’t be here. It’s a trap. Go Now.” Lena whispers harshly, leaning away as best she could. Kara ignores her and works her pocket knife under the ropes.

“I won’t leave you here.”

“You will. My mother wants you dead. This city needs you.”

Kara’s hands still on the thick rope that she is almost through.

“I need you alive.” Lena’s head blindly turns to Kara’s voice as she whispers from behind her.

“You don’t even know me.” Snap. The rope breaks and Lena reaches up to remove her blindfold.

“I am not going with you,” Lena says and stubbornly crosses her arms, settling back against the hard chair.

“Ms. Luthor, please allow me to get you to safety.” Kara shouldn’t have been surprised by this but she was a little dumbfounded that anyone would choose to stay in the clutches of a criminal organization.

“The moment I stand from this chair, alarms will sound and this place will be flooded with my mother’s heavily armed lackeys with one goal, to kill you.”

“I knew this was a trap for me. Your mother was using you to get to me, but do you hear that? That is the sound of a government organization who wants to imprison your mother for terrorist crimes infiltrating this base.”

“No.”

Kara squats in front of Lena’s chair.

“Lee, trust me please.”

Lena’s eyes snap up to finally meet Kara’s. All Kara can hear is her heart pounding in her ears as she sees the recognition flood Lena’s features. Each heartbeat feels like it stretches out for hours. Kara watches as Lena carefully lifts her hands to Kara’s face, long elegant fingers pulling off her mask. Kara closes her eyes as she waits. Silence.

Blue eyes meet green and Lena knows.

“Kara…” She whispers, more of an escaping thought than a word said aloud. Kara touches the button by her throat to turn off the voice modulator.

“Now will you come with me?” Kara says softly, she holds out her hand and Lena places the mask in her palm. Kara replaces it before holding her hand out again. Lena looks away, biting her lip in that cute way she does when she is really thinking. Without meeting Kara’s eyes again, she places her hand in Kara’s and allows Kara to pull her up. As soon as Lena’s weight leaves the chair, alarms blare and lights flash. Kara begins pulling the flash bang grenades from her utility belt.

“Close your eyes.”

Lena eyes Kara carefully, like a person approaching a wild animal. Lena closes her eyes as the pounding feet and shouts get closer. Kara swiftly pulls the pins on the two grenades and rolls them towards the doors. She pulls the night-night gun from her belt and covers Lena’s head. Each grenade explodes just as the doors open and angry shouts turn to pain and confusion. As the men scramble to try and see again, Kara begins dropping each one with some sort of gun with accuracy that amazes Lena. She switches one clip out for another and continues to fire. Now the men rounding the corner were just tripping over the bodies of their fallen comrades. But soon some did start getting through, closer and closer as more men and some women burst through the two entrances. Some even began to fire their weapons, Kara somehow always between Lena and the bullets.

“And your plan is?” Lena says from behind Kara.

“In process.”

Kara slips behind Lena, throws her last two flash grenades and quickly attaching her rappelling rope to Lena and hitting the button for automatic retraction. Lena lets out a small squeal as she zips up and out of site. James was waiting for her at the top, once he detached her, he used his own rope to descend, bringing Kara’s back down to her. James used his shield to block for her as Kara reattaches the grappling device and ascends as well, James close behind. The conflict still brews below as DEO agents begin following the Cadmus guards into the room. Kara hulls herself over the edge and onto the roof. She sees Lena standing stiffly, far away from the edge, her back was turned and her fists were clenched.

“Lena?”

“Just get me down from here. I-I hate heights.”

Kara nods, even though Lena can’t see her. James just uses the zip line they set up earlier to escape the boundaries of the warehouse fence. Kara walks up slowly behind the woman.

“I’m going to pick you up now. Keep your eyes closed if you want. It will be over before you know it.”

Lena doesn't say anything so Kara takes it as a sign that it's fine. Lena stiffens at kara’s touch but doesn't pull away. Kara wraps one arm around her waist and guides her to the edge, in one swift movement, Kara is lifting Lena and hooking the grappling handle to the line to descend to street level again. She touches down in the alley between two buildings and expects Lena to pull away immediately, but she takes a deep breath before she does. James nods to Kara from his own bike before kicking it into gear and riding off. Kara nods to her own red and blue one when Lena turns to her. Lena huffs a bit then rolls her eyes but walks toward it, getting on after Kara. It feels all too familiar and all too foreign at the same time.

Even though it doesn't look it, whatever Kara is wearing feels like armor, under Lena’s fingers she can feel dents that remind her too much of when bullets hit a wall. Lena’s mind is racing and it's becoming all too much for her sleep-deprived brain. She decides to focus on the soft purr of the bike beneath her while leaning with Kara on each turn. She occasional catches glimpses the armored man she can only assume is the man dubbed Guardian by the news. The passing yellow street lights begin to lull her into a daze as the stars try to shine down through the haze of city light. No moon tonight, Lena notices idley.

Without warning, Kara makes a sharp turn down a ramp and into an underground garage. It takes a moment for Lena’s eyes to adjust to the bright fluorescent lighting emanating from the center of the dark room. Computers take up a large space on one wall, tech is scattered about with abandon as half-finished projects litter any surface not taken up by various weapons and armor. Other available space is taken up by exercise equipment. In a darkened corner Lena thinks she can make out a bed. Kara cuts the bike and the engine stills. She gets off and offers Lena a hand, Lena ignores it and slides off by herself. She sees the back of a mousy brown head that turns to reveal Winn. Guardian lumes behind him, still masked but practically radiating distrust and anger.

“Why would you bring her here?” The distorted voice of the metal man asks.

“Because she deserves to know. Now take off the helmet James.”

Lena watches the man stiffen and practically growl before removing the helmet and slamming it on the table.

“What the hell, Kara?”

“You really didn’t think she could figure out who you are after knowing who I am and then seeing Winn? Get over yourself.”

“I came back to help you .”

“You came back because you want to be a hero. Don’t pretend it was selfless.”

Lena watched as James angrily turns on his heel and walks away. He enters another room and lets the door swing shut behind him. Lena feels extremely awkward and unsure.

Kara takes a deep breath, Lena watches her shoulders rise and fall. As her argument progressed, she had stepped between Lena and James almost protectively. Kara’s hands are clenched into shaking fists, she takes another breath and slowly uncurls her fingers.

“Sorry about that. James and I have not been seeing eye to eye lately, or ever.” Kara turns to face Lena with a half-hearted smile. She takes back off the mask and sets it on a nearby table. Instead of responding to her, Lena turns to Winn.

“Winn, it’s good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you safe too, Lena.” He grins at her but glances at Kara and decides to make himself scarce. He heads to the staircase leading to what Lena assumes is the floor above. Kara opens her mouth but Lena holds up a finger.

“I need a phone.”

“Why?” Kara asks.

“So that my mother does not end up with three million dollars thanks to my life insurance. Phone, now.”

Kara rushes to give Lena hers, then waits as Lena goes through at least ten security checks varying in voice commands and typed in passwords. It all seems elaborate but considering the amount of money on the line it makes sense. Lena eventually hangs up and hands the phone back. Lena avoids Kara’s eyes and sits in what she can only assume is Winn’s chair. Her head throbs from lack of sleep, and food, and much too information. This was all getting too much to process. Lena can feel Kara watching her, but Lena rubs her eyes hard and takes a deep steadying breath.

“You are Power Girl,” Lena states, trying to wrap her head around it.  Kara nods as Lena's green eyes meet hers. It catches Kara's breath in her throat. Lena takes in the woman who held her heart, who stole it away from her chest before she even agreed to a second date. She stands with hunched shoulders, arms crossed, in her red and blue suit. Her blonde hair is braided and the tail is draped forward over her shoulder. Various dents and scrapes speckle the suit, bullet holes. That is why Kara danced around Lena like a tornado, every bullet fired hit Kara instead of Lena, yet here she stands, not even in pain.

“So all those missed flights, all the calls that were sent to voicemail, you were off saving the world.”

“Yeah,” Kara says softly.

“And… and that night. That was my mother, wasn't it? She did that to you. She made you miss your flight. And I…” Lena swallows hard and loses her voice as she pieces together the gaps in everything. Tears spring to Lena's eyes.

“We had finally found a Cadmus base. They were making a bomb. I was calling Alex for back up-”

“Alex?”

“Yes. She works for a secret government organization tasked with taking down Cadmus.” Lena rubs her temples. Her headache is pounding.

“So while I was calling Alex, I saw your mother walk into the room from my vantage point. I just knew she was the head of Cadmus once I saw her. She was going to get away before the strike team could come. I decided James and I could stall that long. But we couldn't. I lost conscience and woke up in a black ops site infirmary a couple days later. By then, I was too late.”

Silence falls heavy on the pair. The darkness of the room seems to be trying to suck out the lights that they sit under. It stretches for minutes. Lena hears Kara take a breath but before she can speak her phone rings.

“Alex?” Kara says into the speaker. A muffled reply.

“You want me to bring her to the DEO?... Yes… Okay…. See you in fifteen.” Kara hangs up.

“They need to debrief you on your kidnapping. Also, Alex wants you to be examined and make sure none of your injuries are life-threatening.”

Lena just nods and stands to follow Kara back to her bike. Lena can take in the sleek design now that there is light. This time Kara takes the time to hand her a spare helmet before hopping on. As soon as Kara grips the handles, the bike purrs to life. Lena is impressed. She may have not been interested in technology these past few years but this looks very high tech. Lena climbs on behind the blonde vigilante and resigns herself to more hours without sleep.

Kara takes more turns than Lena can count and after the first dizzying few, Lena closes her eyes and rests her head against Kara's back. She feels Kara stiffen slightly before relaxing. All too soon Kara pulls into a nondescript garage and is helping Lena off and supporting the sleepy brunette as they walk to the elevator. Everything else is very dreamlike as Lena fights to stay conscious. She is aware of figures in black moving about the most open space as Kara practically carries her to a central command desk.

“Kara!” A familiar voice calls. Lena tries to focus on the fuzzy face and recognizes Alex.

“What the hell happened to her? Why didn't you bring her here first?”

“I think she's just tired. And I wasn't sure if the secret government organization tasked with taking down the Luthor's would want me to bring a Luthor into it.”

Lena struggles to stand fully on her own two feet and focus her eyes. How many days has it been now? Two? Three?

“Agent. I have been drugged, tied up, kept without food and minimal water. Also, I don't know the last time I slept. So, if we could move along with whatever you want to do, by all means.” Lena is impressed with how clear her voice is.

“Come on. I want to examine you, we will get you a change of clothes, some food, and a bed. Once you've slept, my director would like to debrief you personally.” The redhead sounds cold but the idea of food and a bed is too much.

They stick Lena inside of some sort of on-duty room after Alex is sure her injuries are minor. It has a bathroom with a shower, a bed, and a small television. She takes the opportunity to rinse off at least some of the grime from the past couple of days and reemerges to a change of black sweats and black long sleeve shirt, both emblazoned with some sort of eagle logo. Gratefully, she puts those on and throws the ruined dress in the small trash bin. A soft knock and a man also dressed in all black is handing her a tray with a sandwich, chips, and a bottle of apple juice. Lena hardly gets halfway through it all before the bed is calling too loudly. The mattress is lumpy, the sheets scratchy, but her body doesn't care. It had been too long.

February 25th, 2018

In the morning, Lena meets the Director. A very serious man named John Jones. He asks a bunch of questions, most of which Lena has no answer for. She directs him to her CFO, reassuring him that Jess will be open with him in sharing the information he needs. Lena is released and an Agent is assigned to take her to the hotel of her request, A protection detail was also following in the car behind, they would stay with her until her mother was found. She had somehow slipped away in the chaos.

Despite being told she had slept twelve hours, Lena was exhausted. All she wanted to do was crawl into her bed back in London where she felt safe and loved with the Arias women. She slides her card into the door and when the light turns green she escapes into the room as men take up position outside the door.

“Lena!”Jess exclaims and throws her arms around Lena before she can even let the door swing shut.

“Jess!” Lena tightens her arms around her CFO and soaks up the warmth of someone who has always told her the truth, even when it hurt.

After a few moments Jess seems to recollect herself and tries to pull away but Lena tightens her hold.

“I am so glad to see you,” Lena says softly.

“I was so worried when we got word that you were missing. I thought… and God I hate that I thought it… that maybe you went off the deep end of a bender.”

“Well, that does sound like me. But no. No drugs, not since I moved in with Sam and Ruby.”

Finally, Lena pulls back and lets Jess go. Her former assistant walks further into the room and hands her a change of pajamas that were already laid out next to a change of clothes for the next day. A new phone is charging on the hotel desk. Jess catches Lena eyeing it as Lena buttons up the sleep shirt.

“Don’t worry. I pulled your last backup from right before you left London.”

Lena nods and stifles a yawn. Jess ushers her to the bed and actually tucks her in. Lena is too tired to be embarrassed to care as Jess strokes her hair back before turning off the lamp.

[no-longer-tainted]

WIP Week 2019 [Day 5]

Question: What is your most used AO3 tag?

I guess it’s the shipping tag for Soukoku/both of them as characters + fluff

Your Canonverse or AU WIP

Fandom: Bungou Stray Dogs Shipping: Soukoku [Chuuya Nakahara x Osamu Dazai] Notes: I don’t have any canonverse WIPs so I wanna show you one of my Fantasy AU WIPs, I decided to make for the SKK Trope Bingo but it got too big with the idea so I created my own world for it. The WIP is the very first chapter and I hope you enjoy it <3

The darkness of the room was only broken with one almost burnt-down candle and a deep sigh was the only sound when a young man with orange hair let the red wax drop down on the envelope only to imprint his seal on it a second later. He couldn't tell how many hours have passed since he was working on that letter in front of him but it was a incredible relief having it done now. He closed his clear blue eyes and when he breathed in, he opened them again. "Atsushi?" 

The door was opened soundlessly and a white haired man with a single black hair strain appeared in the door frame. He had a nervous look on his face and swallowed hard. The atmosphere in the room was heavy and usually, he wasn't allowed to enter this room. "How can I help you, Chuuya?" 

Chuuya got up from his cushioned wooden chair with the letter in his hand and walked over to Atsushi. "You have to bring this letter to Kouyou." He reached the letter to Atsushi but he didn't take it from him right away. 

"Why me?", he asked and frowned at the pitch-black envelope with the dark red wax seal on it. It hadn't any name written on the outside and the wax looked like a drop of blood. Chuuya had a meaning look in his eyes. "Are you sure? You-You worked the last five hours on it." Atsushi swallowed again. "It has to be super important!" 

"Exactly." Chuuya held the letter closer to his friend and looked at him with raised eyebrows. "You're the only person I can entrust this letter with." With shaky hands, Atsushi took the letter and was anxious about bending the envelope by accident. "Can't you go yourself?" 

Shaking his head, Chuuya laid a hand on Atsushi's shoulder. "I already told you I have to travel the opposite direction today." Chuuya knew it was not an easy task to ask from his friend because even after all those years, he felt uncomfortable around Kouyou. "If you want you can take Akutagawa with you." A resigning sigh made Chuuya chuckle quietly. "Also Kyouka would be happy to see you again after all those months." 

"If you want to see me dead, just say so." Atsushi groaned and squashed the letter in his hands. "Wah-! I-I am sorry." He tried to flatten it between his hands and pressed it between them.

"You're my best friend, I just want the best for you," Chuuya answered with a fond smile and patted Atsushi's head. 

Atsushi licked over his dry lips and pressed them into a thin line. "Okay, you won. But do you really think it's a good idea to start your journey today?" With a doubtful and insecure look, he left the room together with Chuuya. "It's New Moon in three days, you know." 

"I know." Chuuya was more aware of the lunar cycle than any other person he ever met in his life and the mere thought made his stomach twist in loops. "But I'll meet up with Dazai in-" He stopped mid-sentence, not sure about how much time was left until he would meet up with this shitty mummy but it couldn't be that long anymore. "And you know about Dazai's ability."

Another sigh followed as an answer. "How are you able to trust him?" Atsushi looked at Chuuya and tried to read his facial expression but even with his better vision at night, he wasn't able to interpret it. 

Chuuya just shrugged with his shoulders. "Is it trust? We just both have the same goal and Dazai needs someone to do the tiring and stressful work for him." 

"I can't change your mind, right?" Chuuya didn't answer anything and that was answer enough for the other man. "I'm not sure if Kouyou will kill me for letting you go so easily or because I'll spend time with Kyouka." He sounded distraught and the 'Probably both' of Chuuya didn't help to calm him down. "Chuuya! Can't you take me with you and send someone else as messenger?" Despair was written all over his face when he stopped and turned around to Chuuya who fell a step back. "I'm still too young to die!" 

"Sorry." Chuuya looked with a apologetic smile at Atsushi and grabbed the diagonal belt of his leather bag with both of his hands. It only contained a few things he would need on the journey and his savings. "I have to depend on you for this." He would go to Kouyou personally if it would be possible especially because he didn't see her for a few months either but the new clue he got from Dazai yesterday was more important. 

"Then you have to promise me something!" Atsushi held out his pinky with a pretty long nail and looked at Chuuya with a serious expression. "Bring Dazai and yourself home alive!" 

"Can't promise I don't kill this shithead." Atsushi's gaze didn't waver and let Chuuya flinch backwards. Of course, Chuuya knew how much Atsushi looked up to Dazai even though he lived with Chuuya but his own relationship with Dazai was tense - to say the least. Chuuya hesitated with intertwining their fingers. "An Isud can't die anyway." He didn't met Atsushi's gaze but he intertwined their pinkies. And of course, Atsushi was aware that Chuuya was only a dirty Halfblood and his last slentence was meant for both Dazai and him. Chuuya himself never tested his limits but he had the power of two races in him so it should be no problem to get back alive. 

"Oh, Dazai!" Atsushi exclaimed happily and ran towards the man, leaving Chuuya behind and breaking his depressive line of thoughts. His inner beast shouldn't be a solution. 

It was only natural that Atsushi would see Dazai first thanks to his night vision and Chuuya had to rely on the candle in his hand. When he arrived at Dazai shortly after Atsushi- standing casually in the entrance of his cottage in the woods outside of the town, he greeted him only with a half-nod of his head. 

"Long time no see, Chuuya~", Dazai chirped and hugged him tightly as a greeting. His eyes lightened up when he saw Chuuya. "Atsushi already told me that you are so cruel to send him to Kouyou." 

Chuuya struggled to get free from the hug and only managed to do so with throwing Dazai over his own shoulder. Despite him being smaller, he was physically stronger than this clingy ocotopus. "We saw each other yesterday!" Then he threw a look to Atsushi who took a few steps backwards under the glare. 

A loud growl interrupted them and confused, Chuuya and Atsushi looked at Dazai. "What was that?", the youngest among them asked and ran outside. "Woah! Rad!" 

Curious, Chuuya followed the other two man outside and even without a night vision he could clearly see what was in front of him. 

Two majestic and bulky beasts. One of them was the purest white while the other was a the darkest black Chuuya has ever seen in his life. They had fluffy fur around their necks and ankles and the eyes of them were a bloody red. The fluffiness of them was destroyed with their huge fangs and horns. Chuuya took a few steps backwards and was overwhelmed. Seeing Beastmares was something happening not everyday because they were almost extinct. Their fur was the most prized thing in the whole Yishtair Empire. 

"May I introduce-" Dazai pointed with his whole hand to the white Beastmare and smiled like he would introduce his cousin to Chuuya. "Phinya and-" He pointed with his other hand to the black one: "Zeraphin."

Like they knew he was talking about them, they growled. It sounded different than before but Chuuya couldn't tell if that was a good or rather a bad sign. His brain still wasn't able to give him words to speak so he just stared at the Beastmares in silence. They were beautiful creatures usually living in the woods of Evirm. Chuuya never had the chance to see them in natural and only read about them in different books and heard stories from Kouyou when he was younger. And to be honest, they were even more striking than any poem could describe them. 

"I hope that's okay for your picky ass, Chuuya~" Dazai stepped closer to Chuuya and pointed at the white beast. "Phinya will be all yours for the time being." The white one growled and stepped closer to Chuuya and he took a step back. They were just fucking huge! Maybe three meters high. 

Chuuya swallowed when the beast bowed in front of him and laid down, the head on its front paws. Slowly Chuuya got forward to Phinya and without letting his eyes off of it, he put his hand on its snout. It felt really soft but when it suddenly licked over his hand with its tongue, Chuuya flinched back and fell flat on his ass. 

Dazai laughed. "She likes you." 

So 'it' was a she? A beautiful pure white lady. However, Chuuya would almost bet his life that she wasn't even close to being pure as much as her fur color. "Can I too?" Atsushi's eyes sparkled like the stars on the sky and Dazai just shrugged with his shoulders. 

"You're a beast yourself, they probably smelled you from ten kilometers apart." Dazai gave a command with his index finger to let Zeraphin come closer too. "Odasaku told me, they are siblings and about three years old." 

That was pretty young for Beastmares, Chuuya thought immediately. "So you got them from Oda?", Chuuya asked and a strange feeling let his stomach spun around like crazy but he put the blame on his nervousness around the beasts. He got closer to Phinya again and she grunted happily? At least it sounded like a happy sound she gave through her nose. "You're beautiful," he praised her and stroked his hand through her long neck fur while Atsushi did the same with Zeraphin. 

Atsushi was always good with all kind of creatures because with his tiger genes he bonds with them before Chuuya could even think about getting closer to any of them. 

Phinya laid her head sideways in Chuuya's tiny hand and clearly enjoyed the share of kindness and affection of Chuuya.  

Chuuya looked up when Dazai suddenly appeared next to him. "Don't make me jealous, Chuuya~" He sat down next to the other man and stroked through the fur of Phinya. 

"What are you talking about?", Chuuya asked confused and looked at Dazai for a moment before the beast girl snuffed to get his attention back. For a moment, Dazai hesitated with an answer, like he had to overthink his chosen words. "She hated me in the beginning."

While in the background was Atsushi's lighthearted laugh, playing with the black beast, Chuuya had a shit eating grin on his face. "Deserves you right." Phinya's red eyes wandered to Dazai and for a moment they just exchanged looks, before Dazai clapped into his hands and stood up from the ground. 

"Time to go."

Chuuya sighed. What a sudden change in the air. "Yeah." There was no time to play around. Atsushi's sad face when he said goodbye to his two new friends was gut-wrenching and Chuuya put a hand on his shoulder after he hastily rushed to Dazai and Chuuya. "I don't know when were back-" Chuuya looked over to Dazai who was pretending to not listen. "But as long as Kouyou receives the letter, everything is fine." 

Atsushi hugged Chuuya goodbye. "I'll take care of everything." He didn't sound convinced but Chuuya believed in Atsushi nevertheless. After that, Atsushi walked over to Dazai who was already sitting on Zeraphin. "Please don't make Chuuya angry too often. I don't think Kouyou's anger is a painless way to die." Taking a few steps back, he watched the two majestic beasts and the two men on them, walking away. 

Phinya had Chuuya let stay on her front paw and from there he jumped on her fluffy back. One last time he turned around to Atsushi. "Please take care of you and give Kouyou and Kyouka my greetings."

Before Atsushi could answer, Phinya growled loud and Atsushi blushed. "I-You! Please take care of Chuuya, Phinya!" Atsushi had the ability to talk with the animals living in the Yishtair Empire. The last thing Atsushi heard before they were out of is vision was another growl of Phinya.

[shewhowantsmouseears]

The Little Peach, Chapter 7

Notes: As always, big thanks to my amazing editor, Drucilla!

Used an old storybit here, tweaked it up. Also put in a pairing I technically haven't written for before, but I plan to enjoy it to the fullest.

Summary: Mickey finally reaches the capital, but he finds more surprises waiting for him and his friends than he ever expected.

It took several long days and nights to reach the capital, with Mickey learning all he could from Panchito during every waking hour. While Panchito was very enthusiastic about having a student, the lessons were limited – without an opponent Mickey's size, they couldn't truly measure Mickey's abilities. Yet neither of them said this out loud (and Maurice smacked Marsupilami every time he tried to bring it up) and the training was met with vigorous determination. At the very least he could feel his stamina building and some small muscles beginning to grow – it felt amazing to get real exercise after years of being cooped up in his house and treated like he couldn't do a thing.

Even as they reached the large, red, imposing gates of the capitol, Mickey was still training, doing stretching exercises as he stood on Panchito's saddle. Numerous soldiers and guards were at the gate, and only when they inspected each person's head to make sure there were no Oni horns did they allow the group to pass – and that was only after Panchito gave them an inspection for any green feathers, which would have annoyed the guards if Mickey's incredibly small size hadn't thrown them for several loops.

“Boy oh boy!” Mickey said once they made it past the gate. “Would you look at all the people?” Even though he'd been secluded for most of his life and expected the capital to be a shock to his senses, the sheer number of people going to and fro among all the hefty buildings was still a real surprise. It was jam-packed, and some had make an effort to squeeze around a corner – though a few stopped in place, doing various double-takes when they thought they saw a peach pit-sized person on a passing horse.

“Seems like everyone's coming to the capital for protection,” Marsupilami mused, cupping his chin with his tail, “since it's one of the few places the Oni have been driven back. If it keeps up, the entire capital will be full of everyone from Japan. That means less food and roofs for everyone here, and it'll drive the people nuts. Stuff enough rats in a tiny cage, and they'll eat each other alive. The Oni still win.”

“Must you be so morbid, my friend?” Panchito tilted his hat up to get a better view of their surroundings. “One day, the Oni King will be defeated, and we can all rest easy again. Until then, we must keep sight of our current goals! Young Mickey will get the Lucky Hammer, and I will meet the man who saved me, and I will say to him...”

“Sir, I am Panchito Romero Miguel Junipero Francisco Quintero González the Third.” Mickey automatically cut him off. “I have come to you to learn your ways and repay my debt.”

“If it takes me the rest of my life, I will obey your every command, and make sure your fight was not in vain. Do me the honor of becoming my sensei.” Marsupilami finished, with he, Maurice, Mickey and Pluto all mimicking the wide and expressive gestures Panchito was prone to making.

Panchito blinked slowly. “Have I mentioned this before?”

“Only about fifty times every day since we met, but who's counting?”  Marsupilami replied sarcastically, having been convinced from day one that Panchito was more trouble than he was worth as a teacher. “I couldn't care less about that green hero of yours, but we need to think about how Mickey's going to get that hammer in the first place.”

Mickey climbed up the horse's hair to sit on its head and look at the tall, imposing tower where the Princess lived. The tower was surrounded by a thick, wooden gate at all sides, with several trees growing along outside. Some of the trees on the outside were so tall that they leaned over the gate, providing shade to the inside. At the front of the gate were two guards – one tall and lanky, the other pudgy and snapping to his comrade about whose shift was next. “Why can't I just go on over and ask them to let me in? Look at me, I'm in a very unique position.”

“No, no, no!” Panchito shook his head hard, pulling the reins to a stop. “We cannot do such a thing!”

“Why?” Marsupilami deadpanned again, sensing a disaster oncoming. “Because it's simple, and you want to do something needlessly complicated?”

Panchito ignored him as usual as he began to climb down. “If you want the Princess to truly understand your plight, you must make a good first impression! Show her how determined and brave you are, that you will let nothing stand in your way! Once she sees how courageous and resilient you are, she'll understand right away you must be given the right size! Do something that no one else can do!”

Mickey liked the sound of it – if the Princess' heart was truly as stony and steely as he'd been told, he'd have to think outside the box to win her compassion. What could he do that no one else could? He looked at the tower, at the gates, at the trees – and he snapped his fingers. “I've got it! With my size, climbing into the palace gardens will be a snap! From there, I can get into the tower with ease! She'll see how serious I am, and only I can do it! Any other person would be caught with just one look!”

“You want to impress her by breaking into her house?”  Marsupilami felt as if he was the only person around with a functioning brain.

This feeling was amplified when Panchito laughed merrily, hands on his hips. “Marvelous, yes, marvelous! And we'll help you do it! We'll distract the guards!”

“The heck we will!”

Panchito pulled his horse over to the clearest tree, with Marsupilami ranting and raving about a plan he refused to be a part in yet knowing he'd be dragged into, and Maurice and Pluto happily waved their friend a temporary goodbye. “You guys sure you'll be all right?” Mickey probably should have asked that before he started climbing the massive tree, but thinking ahead wasn't one of his strong points. He'd only made it up a few inches, and it was going to take some time before he made it all the way up and over the castle walls. Even if he wasn't the size of a peach pit, this would be a long, daunting task. But distracting guards could also be daunting, and there wasn't a hint of hesitation on any of his companion's faces – save for Marsupilami.

“Just leave it to us!” Panchito saluted, with Pluto and Maurice copying the motion. “We'll take all the time you need in order to convince the princess to give you the Lucky Hammer! Even if it takes all day and night!”

“Or at least until dinner,” Marsupilami added, his reluctant salute having a smidgen less enthusiasm to it.

“I've already got a plan!” Panchito continued on as if he hadn't heard his companion. “Marsupilami, Maurice and I shall pretend to be fighting over who Pluto belongs to! We'll cause a ruckus like the kingdom's never seen before! Now go forth, Mickey! And fulfill your destiny!” Eager to aide his friend and even more eager to cause some action, the energetic rooster was leaping heaps and bounds towards the castle entrance.

“Good luck, Mickey...I feel you're gunna need it,” Marsupilami said with a sigh, giving a wave before he left with Pluto and Maurice, leaving Mickey all on his own to climb the tree. As he watched them begin their bizarre performance, Mickey couldn't help but smile as he resumed his ascension. He felt very lucky to have some loyal and generous friends, and hoped someday he could return all of their kindness. He didn't know how he would, but surely that would come to mind one he was normal-sized. Yes, when he was no longer the size of a peach pit, everything would come easy to him and life would be grand.

It was this one goal that fought through exhaustion as he rose higher and higher on the tree, sweat pouring down his black fur. He wouldn't allow himself to rest, not even for a second, and in time he was rewarded with a view of the castle's interior gardens. Since the branches of the tree only dangled over the wall, there was no way to climb down where he wanted. Luckily he spotted a small pond right beneath him, surrounded by gray rocks. Mickey held his breath and jumped – making the tiniest splash imaginable.

Several of the orange and red koi within the pond were greatly startled, unsure if this was a meal or an attacker. Their confusion allowed Mickey to swiftly swim to the surface and climb out, coughing beneath his hand. Now that he was on solid ground again, he was in another pickle – the grass was tall, so tall that he couldn't see where he was going! He'd have to guess which direction the castle was in. Not that he'd let a silly thing like getting lost stop him. Once he squeezed his robes and his tail dry, he decided the best way forward was in fact going forward.

Fortune smiled upon him, as within seconds he heard two female voices.

“Did you hear that, Princess? I could've sworn I heard something in the pond.” An older woman who stretched out her vowels, a bell clanging every time she spoke.

“It was probably just the koi playing.” Smaller and more feminine, a dainty melody that was gently reprimanding her elder. “You're far too paranoid, Clarabelle. You just want me to go back inside. Can't I at least see my own garden once in a while?”

“Not while the Oni King is out and about! We don't know when or where he'll show up!”

The princess was only a few feet ahead! Maybe the gods were finally giving Mickey a break! He smoothed down his clothes, unsure how to exactly present himself in front of royalty. It wasn't something his mother had taught him, as no one in the family ever thought they'd meet someone so important. With his chest puffed out, he pushed aside the blades of grass ahead of him. The princess was sitting in a clearing where the grass was much shorter, allowing Mickey to get the full view of her.

And that's when Mickey's mind became absolute mush.

He had heard rumors of Princess Minnie's divine beauty, but they sure didn't hold a candle to the real deal! She was a petite figure, with endless black hair rolling at her sides, dark as the purest night, although an attempt at a pink-ribbon bow to control some of it had been made. Since she wasn't in the public eye, her face was free of make-up, though Mickey wouldn't have guessed it. How could such luscious red lips be natural? How could she simply be born with those soft pink cheeks? Then again if anyone took a look at those alluring eyes of hers they might not have any inclination to look at her face – after all, once you saw those stunning blue diamonds, how could possibly look at anything else?

Clothes weren't something of particular importance to Mickey, save for his own due to his height. Yet here he was, admiring the pink kimono with flowers that seemed to flutter with every sigh the princess gave. It was so long and intricate that he couldn't tell where her hands were right away until he spotted the illustrated book she was holding. She was sitting on her knees, a thick blanket spread out underneath her, and she was surrounded by more and more books, all the same size, along with a few sweets and cups of tea. Yet those lay untouched, her appetite spoiled by Clarabelle's constant worrying.

Not that he could hear the two of them lightly arguing. In fact, the entire world had gone deaf in Mickey's ears, and he completely forgot about why he was in the garden in the first place. He probably could stayed in that same spot and watched this enchanting royal, with his mouth in a stupefied smile and his body hanging lopsided oblivious to the world around him. But despite his lovestruck stupor, the world continued to move around him, and Mickey only realized this when a shadow fell over him – Clarabelle's foot, unknowingly about to step on him.

“HEY HEY HEY! Watch it!” Mickey ran out into the clearing, managing to miss death by a millisecond. The females momentarily froze – before Clarabelle let out a scream.

“It's a bug! Ew, ew, ew!” The servant was wearing a yellow kimono of far less expense, a cowbell strung around her neck. She grabbed her robe, trying to avoid the touch of the “bug”.

“Wait... Either this bug knows his vocabulary,” Minnie said, slowly placing her book aside after very carefully putting in a pink paper bookmark to recall her place, and leaning down to inspect the newcomer with big wide eyes. “Or it's not a bug at all...Oh my goodness! It's a person! It's a very little person!”

So much for a grand entrance. Mickey cleared his throat, standing as tall as he could, daring to look Minnie right in the eyes – though given such lovely eyes she had, this was a difficult task. “I-I...I am Mickey, and I am here for the Lucky Hammer!”

“A-ha!” Clarabelle got over her fright easily enough, now rolling up her sleeves in anger. “He's working for the Oni King! Don't you worry, princess, I'll get rid of him!”

Wow, this was going much worse than he'd planned – not that he had planned for much. “W-what?! No I'm not!” Indignant, he stomped his foot, demanding to be heard. “I just wanna get taller, that's all! Can you blame me?”

“You can't trust him, Princess! I bet it's a trick! I bet he's here to kidnap you and take you the Oni King!”

Minnie slowly turned her head to give Clarabelle a look of deep skepticism. “And how, exactly, would someone this small kidnap me?” This finally seemed to shut Clarabelle up, at least for the moment. As the cow mulled over what she thought Mickey's true goal was, Minnie faced Mickey again, a warm smile gracing her delicate features. “I apologize for my handmaiden. She tends to think the worst of everyone.” She bowed her head low in retribution, which made Clarabelle's fit even worse – Minnie was supposed to have a certain cold, hard image in front of everyone. Why was she suddenly acting like her normal self? Hesitantly, her eyes wandered to the books. Oh, she hoped she was wrong about her reasons.

Mickey felt oddly humbled, and he toed his foot in the ground. “Aw, um, it's all right! Really! I bet everyone's kinda tense what with the Oni King's doings.” He pounded a fist to his chest, determined to convince them both of his somewhat noble intentions. “I swear on all my ancestors, he's no friend of mine! He's just a big bully, and bullies are the worst type of folks! Why, if I ever saw him, you know what'd I do?”

“I honestly have no idea,” Clarabelle muttered, rolling her eyes.

Mickey yanked out his trusty sword – his mother's sewing needle – and wielded it this way and that. “I might be small, but I don't let nobody get picked on! I'd give him what for! Show him a thing or two!”

Minnie giggled quietly, hiding her mouth behind one of her extra-long sleeves. “It warms my heart to know that there are such brave people in my kingdom. I know that one day, because of people like you, he will definitely be defeated.” Once Mickey had returned the sword to his handmade scabbard, she placed her hands in front of him. “You said your name was Mickey? I am Princess Minnie, and this is my handmaiden Clarabelle. It's a pleasure to meet you, sir Mickey.” This came with another proper bow, and Clarabelle reluctantly did the same.

“Nice ta meetcha too.” Mickey chirped, feeling his anxiety lessen with every passing second. For a royal figure, this lady was rather nice. Combine that with her ravishing looks, and no wonder she was rumored to have a thousand suitors vying for her hand. Once Mickey was of normal height, perhaps he could be one thousand and one. He cleared his throat to try and chase that thought away. “I've traveled far and wide, across the scorching heat and cruel forests, all the way from my homeland to come and see you.” Wait. “Well, not you, particularly.” Dang it. “I mean, not that it wouldn't be nice to see you, it's very nice, nicest thing I've ever seen.” The anxiety came back in full swing. “...Can I start over?”

Another round of giggles came from the princess. “Here, let me see if I can help. I've always found it better when people can talk eye to eye.” She opened her hands, laying them flat with her palms up. Mickey hesitated, reluctant to dirty her hands with his muddy, wet sandals. He slowly walked onto her hands, and she felt him up to her face – wow, she even smelled nice. He was a goner. “Now then. How can I help you, dear sir Mickey?” Clarabelle, meanwhile, had picked up one of the books and was flipping around to find a certain page.

She called him dear – FOCUS. “Um! I, uh, that is...” Another hard shake of the head. “Ever since I was born, I haven't grown a single inch! Betcha it's not gunna take long for you to imagine how hard that makes my life. My own father won't acknowledge me as his son. But I heard tale of your family's most prized possession – the Lucky Hammer that can turn anyone and anything into any size at all! I just need to borrow it so I can be a real man.”

Clarabelle huffed and snorted throughout the story, trying to find a way to disprove it but coming up blank. As for the princess, her smile now turned into a sympathetic frown, her shoulders lowering. “I see...I am sorry for what tragedies may have befallen you, but I'm afraid I can't just hand over the Lucky Hammer.”

“W-well! I'm not sayin' you just gotta give it to me, I only gotta borrow it!” Mickey pleaded, his squeaky voice ringing with desperation.

Minnie sadly shook her head. “Please understand...on my father's deathbed, he made me vow a very important promise about the Lucky Hammer. I swore to keep it, and nothing and no one can break it. I must think of my people, you understand.”

Mickey bit hard on his lower lip. He too knew the power of promises – after all, he'd promised not to return home until he was no longer the size of a peach pit. But to have the hammer so close and yet so far was unfair. With each depressing fact, Mickey's body wilted more and more, and Minnie's guilt rose and rose. “Oh, Mickey...I really am sorry. I'd hate for you to come all this way for nothing...” She gradually began to rise to her feet, making sure Mickey wouldn't fall over in her hands. “Why don't you stay in the castle tonight?”

“Absolutely not!” Clarabelle interjected with balled fists. “He's an intruder!”

“But it would be terribly rude to send him back after he's traveled so far!” Minnie whined, already turning to the castle doors. “Besides, if I welcome him, he's no longer an intruder. Now he's my honored guest.”

“Oooh – Princess, one of these days, your good intentions are going to get us all killed!”

She had spunk, Mickey had to admire her for that. And it's not like she was a bad person – she just had her own duties to fulfill. Mickey wanted to be mad at her, but honestly couldn't. “Well, your highness, long as you're offerin'...my pals traveled with me. Can they stay over too?”

“Of course!” But now that gave Minnie paused as she began to look around for any other small visitors.

Mickey stifled a laugh. “They're outside, and they're regular sized! There's my dog Pluto, most loyal pup you'll ever meet. Then there's Marsupilami, smarter than ten men put together, and his best and strongest pal, Maurice. And then you got Panchito Pistoles...his real name is longer than most men's put together! You couldn't ask for better friends.”

“Now you've got me eager to meet them, sir Mickey.” With a bemused smile, she lifted her hands to her left shoulder, allowing Mickey to sit there instead. “I've been cooped up in my castle for so long that I've become bored to tears. I would love to hear about all the grand adventures you and your traveling companions have been through.”

“Then you're in luck, 'cause we've got tons of 'em!”

But before Mickey could get out one single adventure, one of Minnie's guards had rushed out to meet them. “Princess! There's a big fight going on, right outside of the palace gates!”

Within seconds, Minnie's face took on the serious, hard-laced appearance she'd been known for, and Mickey was so startled at the transformation he almost thought Minnie had been switched with someone else when his backed was turned. “Are the Oni attacking?”

“Oh, no,” said the guard, quite casual about all of this, “It's just really funny.” The guard then stopped, adjusting his helmet so he could get a better look at what was on the Princess' shoulder – doing so allowed Mickey to spot a hint of green feathers, and he wondered if his luck had returned. “Do my eyes deceive me, Princess, or is that a very tiny person on your shoulder?”

“Quick, you gotta meet my friends!” Mickey ran down Minnie's arm, using her hand to swing back so he could fly forward – the entertained guard held out his hands to catch him.. “I wanna check something out. They're... well, they're the ones causing a ruckus. Let's go!”

This particular guard was so lackadaisical that he really saw no problem with this, lifting his hand so Mickey could stand on his shoulder. “You know what? Why not! Today just keeps getting more and more entertaining!” With a chuckle, he headed for the front entrance, Mickey along for the ride.

Minnie was about to join them when Clarabelle reached out and yanked Minnie by the shoulder. “Hold it right there, missy. Don't think I don't know what's going on?”

With her serious act on, Minnie didn't face Clarabelle at all. “I don't know what you're talking about.”

“A-huh. So you didn't just invite a total stranger to stay the night...” Clarabelle shoved the offending pages right into Minnie's face. “...because he's a dead ringer for Sir Sakura?”

Mickey had no idea how much he coincidentally resembled the illustrated hero, save for some exaggerated eye sparkles, long flowing hair, and the ability to cause flower petals to rain down upon him whenever he spoke. Aside from this, he could have been Sir Sakura come to life – not that Minnie was going to admit it. “Is he? How remarkable. I hadn't noticed at all.” Yet even when Clarabelle pulled the pages away, she still refused to look at her handmaiden's face. “Come now, we mustn't keep my guests waiting.”

“He's not Sir Sakura!” Clarabelle groaned, following after Minnie. “None of that book is going to come to life! Princess, life is not like a manga! There is no big love at first sight meeting with cherry blossoms everywhere while some handsome hero introduces himself in slow-motion!”

Outside, the fake fight had certainly become real for Marsupilami, who was being chased in circles by Panchito, Maurice, Pluto, and now the two outside guards, who had caught gotten up in the mess. The guard with green feathers, Minnie, Clarabelle and Mickey watched for a minute or two before Mickey stuck his fingers in his mouth and let out a high-pitched whistle. “We're good, guys!”

Marsupilami stopped in place – which allowed the five before him to crash land into him with several THUD-THUD-THUD-THUD-THUDs. Mickey cleared his throat, a little embarrassed at the fuss they'd all made. “Whoops. Sorry about that. See, Princess, those guys are my pals! I wouldn't have made it here to the palace without them. Marsupilami, Maurice, Pluto, Panchito, we got some real royalty here! It's the Princess! And she's even allowing us to stay the night!”

“Remind me what the purpose of this was, again?”  Marsupilami asked with his face in the ground, leaving the other three to get up, brush themselves off, and bow with the deepest of grace, as if everything was perfectly normal. “Ah, yes, I see, the purpose was to remind us all that my life is just comic relief. Good to know. Don't help me up or anything.”

“Honored guests, eh?” The green-feathered guard repeated, amused. “Well then, we should all introduce ourselves as well! Aside from her royal highness, we have her lady-in-waiting, Clarabelle bow, and the men you just played with, Goofy and Pete!”

“Nice ta meetcha!” Goofy said, thinking that his concussion was the reason he saw a very tiny person on his fellow guardman's shoulder.

Pete sputtered at this same sight, pointing at Mickey with a shaking finger. “What are you– I mean, what are you? Is anyone else seeing this? I – YIPE!” Panchito, having no longer needed to put up a fake fight, began inspecting the guards for his real reasons, holding up the green feather, and this included giving Pete a good spin.

“Wait, wait, Panchito!” Mickey called out, hoping to stop his friend before Goofy got his turn. “This guy here has green feathers! And you don't have to turn him upside down to do it!” To make doubley sure, he turned to the guard, lightly rapping on his helmet. “Sir, do you remember saving a young rooster from some awful Oni several years ago?”

The guard raised his eyebrows, then cupped his beak, thinking. “It does sound familiar... I was a very young man myself back then! The castle had sent me out to help out certain villages, but I took so long getting back because I never could refuse a nice face in help. And... hmmm... yes, yes, I do believe there was one handsome fellow who actually argued about being saved...”

Panchito abruptly dropped Pete, his eyes widening, and he raced on over. “Is it me? I'm sure it was me! You must be the person I've been searching for!”

The guard hesitated, then held up his hands. “Hang on. With this silly helmet on, I swear I can barely see a thing. One moment!” It took him a few tries, as the darn thing was stuck rather tight, and when he finally yanked it off, it went flying, smacking into a nearby cherry blossom tree, causing the petals to swirl and sprinkle all around him. “There, that's much better.” He then shook his head, causing his feathers to flutter about, before fully finally facing Panchito. “My name is Jose Carioca, loyal retainer and guard to her highness, Princess Minnie. And you are?”

Mickey gestured outward with his palms, ready for Panchito to delve into his speech... except it didn't come. “Panchito? … Panchito, your speech!”

Panchito stared at Jose, mouth open but not a single word coming out. Because his feathers were already a very rich red, no one could tell he'd begun to blush, and heavily so. His fingers jerked in odd, twitchy motions, and when Maurice came over to poke his face, he didn't acknowledge it. “I... uh... ah... eh... um...?”

Marsupilami got up, brushing the last bits of mud off his tail. “Okay, if he's not going to say it, I will, and maybe I'll finally get it out of my head! His name is Panchito  Romero Miguel Junipero Francisco Quintero González the Third, and he has come to learn your ways and repay his debt!”

“Uh,” said Panchito.

Mickey decided he might as well help out. “If it takes him the rest of his life, he will obey your every command and make sure your fight was not in vain!”

“Uh,” said Panchito again.

“Do him the honor of becoming his sensei!” Marsupilami topped it off, with him, Maurice, and Pluto, getting on their knees and waving their jazz hands to make sure the show had all the pizzazz it needed.

Jose wasn't really sure what to make of all this, but boy it was entertaining, much more so than the fight! He chuckled quietly, then reached out, offering his hand to Panchito. “Well now, how can I possibly turn down such a generous offer? You seem like you've really become a soul worth saving! I am very happy to meet you again.”

Hand met hand, and Panchito's eyes rolled back into his head, and he went down like a sack of lead.

Jose, Minnie and Clarabelle looked to Mickey, since he supposedly had the answers to all of his friend's nonsense, but Mickey was just as stumped. He had no idea what happened to his teacher, but he put on a brave, albeit nervous grin. They had, at the very least, succeeded in getting to the capital and meeting the princess! Now all he needed to was get the Lucky Hammer! And to do that, he needed to be as determined as his friends, exactly like Panchito!

Marsupilami began to tie up Panchito with his tail in order to carry him. “Is there such a thing as a happy coma, because I think that's what he's got.”

…. Maybe not exactly like Panchito.

[zdbztumble]

Final Thoughts: KH III (Spoilers)

OK, the nice stuff’s over with.

And, in the spirit of Kingdom Hearts, here’s a menu to unceremoniously dump all the necessary information on you to follow this post:

Rave Zero

A Minor Rant

More Ranting

Botching Backwards and Forwards

But What About Kairi

Build a Better Prequel

Penultima Raving

The Positives

Now then...

Writing critiques like this is usually fun for me. I like thinking about and analyzing narratives, as mental exercise and relaxation, and because I find it helpful as a writer struggling to make fiction my profession. Finding the good and bad in a piece, understanding why something works or doesn’t, and putting myself in the shoes of a writer - particularly one in the middle of an ongoing series - improves my own craft and gives me more empathy and sympathy for creatives who come under fire.

In this case, though, I can’t say that I have much in the way of sympathy or empathy. I cannot understand how any head of story could come up with something like this and decide that it was ready for prime time. I can’t understand how writers brought in to do the actual scripting wouldn’t speak up about its issues. I can’t understand how editors, producers, and executives would sign off on this. And by “this,” I mean the finale of KH III. I haven’t loved the story turns this series has taken since the end of II, and I’ve struggled to make sense of all the convoluted turns the plot has taken, but this - or, to be specific, one moment in particular - is completely beyond my ability to understand, relate to, or tolerate.

Before getting to that one moment, though, there are other issues with this finale. One of those is the problem of paying off too large a cast: it’s almost impossible to do while giving every character a satisfying conclusion. By the time the game comes to its conclusion, most of the characters have either hit dead ends in their arcs, petered out, or been demonstrated to be entirely superfluous to this game’s plot. To wit:

- Maleficent and Pete could have been cut entirely and nothing would have been lost. Cutting them would even improve the pacing of the Olympus world slightly. Their whole goal amounts to nothing but a tease for an item that might become important in a potential future game. Luxord’s quest for a “chest,” presumably the same Black Box, has the same problem, but at least Luxord is a part of the Organization and so has some reason for being in the story.

- Ansem the Wise is ultimately on-hand just to tease more potential future events and characters, in the form of allusions to a mysterious girl who I thought might be Kairi, then thought was Xion, but is apparently some other character never before mentioned (thank you @themattress.) I bought KH III to play and know the story of KH III; if I wanted an extended trailer for a future game that may not even get made, I’d pay for one.

- Those members of the Organization who don’t defect, and who commanded quite a bit of screen time in this game (more than the damn tritagonist did) are virtually unchanged from their previous appearances, still serve as glorified henchmen, and meet largely identical ends. The attempts at pathos with them, particularly with Larxene, ring hollow, and the idea that the recompletion gimmick might let them appear again some day in a new form is...unpleasant.

- Did you really need Ienzo and Vexen both? Take either one of them out, and the other could have cooked up the necessary replicas. 

- Axel’s never-seen training with a Keyblade amounts to almost as little as Kairi’s, as he ultimately doesn’t do much but serve as an impetus for the return of Roxas and the defection of Xion. And once those two are back on the scene, they don’t have all that much to do but point their keys at whatever the group needs them to. Their presence takes us over the required number of seven, so they are quite literally unnecessary.

- Vanitas and his quest to assimilate Ven ultimately amounts to nothing, for how important it was in BbS and his continued seeking it here. He becomes just another boss battle, destined to fade away.

- Aside from filling out the full seven, Aqua and Ven don’t get all that much to do in the battle. Terra and Sora do the heavy lifting in getting Terra liberated, and by the end, Eraqus tells Terra to be the one to look out for the group. Not Aqua, the master who spent most of BbS trying to set things to right - Terra, the impulsive quasi-Anakin Skywalker who ended up possessed by the villain.

- Riku and Mickey are the exception to this, as I think carrying them through as Sora’s battle partners in the showdown with the three young Xehanorts, and giving them the bulk of the dialogue in the final cutscenes, gives them a meaningful role to play in the finale.

But since Eraqus has been mentioned...that leads us to the next problem. Because I still don’t understand how Eraqus managed to hide his heart inside of Terra’s (and yes, I have seen the BbS cutscene.) But setting aside the mechanics; the idea that Eraqus has been alive this whole time, that he can stop Xehanort with a gentle talking-to, and extending the metaphor of their chess game in their youth this far, makes everything that happens feel so much smaller. And giving Xehanort - a villain who was made, in looks and personality, more evil from BbS on - is a baffling choice. He isn’t the first villain to have a less-than-convincing redemption in this series, of course. And, were it done better, I might be more tolerant of it. But it isn’t.

And having that about-face brought about by Eraqus lessens Sora’s part in the finale. His brave venture after Xehanort, Donald and Goofy by his side, makes for a nice boss battle. It’s less impressive than the one in KH I IMO, but I do like that Donald and Goofy are with him for nearly the entire thing. The Trinity revival at the end of it is a great touch, though I would’ve preferred some sort of beam struggle to cap it off. But one of Sora’s qualities - one that this game, and DDD, loved to spell out as blatantly as possible - is his ability to reach and connect with people. Outsourcing that to another character, leaving Sora as the brute force in the conflict with Xehanort, leaves him and one of his most defining and positive character traits sidelined at the crucial moment. I grant you that Sora probably isn’t all that well disposed to the man who killed Kairi, but you would think he’d have some function beyond swinging his blade and holding a key.

But in the end, the apocalypse is averted, and Sora leaves his friends behind to try and save Kairi. Cue the closing cutscene, with happy endings aplenty. Mickey, Donald, Goofy, Yen Sid, Chip, and Dale get a warm welcome home in Disney Castle. Terra, Aqua, and Ven get their home back, and Ven gets his little cat thing that he apparently had once. Axel, Roxas, and Xion get their sea salt ice cream again, reunite with Hayner, Pence, and Olette, and it turns out that even Saix is on-hand (because, y’know, that bond he had with Axel was so organic and essential to pay off.) Namine is brought back (according to a recent interview, this is possible because her heart was released from Kairi’s when Kairi was killed), and Riku turns up to take her to a big party on Destiny Islands. With literally everyone on-hand, Donald is the first to notice Sora and Kairi sitting on the paopu tree together, holding hands. Kairi looks up at Sora, smiles, and starts to cry. Sora then fades away, leaving Kairi alone.

Now we’re at that moment.

I was so confused the first time I saw this scene, and watching it in the theater menu a few times didn’t help. Talking with @echidnapower about it helped me puzzle together that Sora must have paid the price for abusing the Power of Waking. It was hard to track those warnings amidst all the other pretentious monologuing and schoolyard taunting that the Organization did, and amidst all the other plot threads in this game - but, fair enough. That was some clear foreshadowing. And, just like with Kairi’s death, I can’t object to the idea out of hand. KH I ended on a shocking bittersweet note, after all. Ending the Xehanort saga, and possibly the series, with the main character failing to heed all warnings and losing his own life while managing to save the person he cares most about, is a bold idea. Pulled off properly, I’d be in tears while writing my review, but I’d be applauding the guts and skill of the creative team.

But is Sora’s quest to find Kairi made into a final stage, or even a cutscene? No. Is his final misuse of the Power of Waking shown? No. Is it even clear whether Kairi reappeared at the same time as Sora, or if she’d been there on the beach with everyone else before he turned up? No. And is any of this, in any way, made a central element of the final scene? No. The possibly permanent death of our protagonist, caused by his final solo quest to save Kairi, is such an afterthought at the end that not a single aspect of the journey to that moment merits any screen time.

And don’t tell me that this might be something covered in the DLC, or that it could be setting up for another game. If they wanted to leave Sora and Kairi’s fate more open-ended, and a potential hook into a future game, they should have been left out of the final scene altogether. The Power of Waking, Sora’s shaky control of it, and its dangers were meant to be relevant to this story. Sora and Kairi’s bond being stretched to the point that one or both of them could permanently die was meant to be a major factor in this story. I’m all for leaving certain things off-screen, open-ended, or open to interpretation, but if anything should merit some degree of resolution within this game itself, to say nothing of a goddamn cutscene, it’s the potentially final fate of our fucking hero.

It feels like such an afterthought that I’m forced to wonder why Sora was ever retained as the protagonist past KH II.  One solution to the current crop of issues with Kingdom Hearts, as I’ve already gone into, would have been to simplify; fewer titles between console releases and a much less convoluted story that stayed focused on the actual leads. But it’s almost impossible not to come away from the post-II games feeling that most of the staff’s passion has drifted to other characters and elements. Axel, Roxas, and Xion; Terra, Aqua, and Ven; all the convoluted plotting and betraying and cryptic messages of Organization XIII; and now all this X business; it seems clear that that’s where the focus is now. Square Enix is no stranger to cyclic and anthology series; there was more than enough precedent to retire Sora and friends and continue Kingdom Hearts with new protagonists. Those who enjoy all these elements could have them unadulterated, and those of us who prefer Sora’s story could be content with three great games. Hell, Kingdom Hearts as a whole could’ve been retired at II, with the characters and elements most favored forming the foundation for an original series; the staff still seems jazzed to cross over with Disney, but they’ve become increasingly unable to meaningfully connect those worlds to the larger story, excepting a handful of characters from Disney Castle. An original series wouldn’t have to worry about that.

Instead, an ultimately untenable path was trod, trying to keep all of these things to play, the ultimate price being a final game to the saga that leaves every single storyline feeling less than it could be. Kairi may get the worst of it blow by blow, but I would say that Sora - the protagonist - is the second-worst hit, and that I cannot comprehend as a writer.

When I first got the feeling that something bad might happen to either Sora or Kairi, or both, I was prepared to be sad at the end of this game, but I expected to be sad the same way I was at the end of KH I - in an ultimately positive way, having been sincerely and surprisingly moved by a story I came to love. At the end of KH III, I’m sad in another way entirely; I’m sad because I feel nearly all my enthusiasm for this series evaporated along with Sora. I was planning to buy copies of I, CoM, and II to replace the ones I had to sell years ago; if I end up doing that when I have the money, it’ll be as an effort to get back to what first charmed me about the series.

Hopefully, I can still find that charm there, but I don’t know what would make me excited for future releases. What reason do I have to hope that the flaws of the recent games, culminating in III, will be corrected or even recognized as flaws? The Epilogue and Secret Movie certainly don’t give any hope. For all the talk about III being the finale to the Dark Seeker saga, the convoluted Keyblade War lore it spawned and at least one of its more annoying characters seem set to continue on. The Nameless Star and that girl alluded to by Ansem (who I hope for simplicity's sake are the same person) represent yet another new character shoved into the mix. And the Secret Movie may give some people hope for Sora, but it just left me numb.

I’ll go ahead and predict what the next game of the series, if there is one, will be, based on those two scenes: either the game is ostensibly about what Sora went through to save Kairi, with a retcon pulled to suck Riku into the mix; or, it’s set after the final scene of KH III, with Riku - not Kairi, but Riku - going in search of Sora. Either way, in practice the game’s plot will be taken up by a mess of a plot concerning the Black Box and/or the Book of Prophecies and all that crap from Kingdom Hearts X: Back Cover (a movie I could not bring myself to finish, I was so bored), all the while taking any chance it can get to salvage as much of the aborted Final Fantasy Versus XIII as possible. Kairi will be lucky to get a cameo, the Disney worlds will barely have any relevance, Maleficent will get elbowed off to the sides, and if Sora comes back to life and remains the hero, he’ll still be relegated to a spectator and an afterthought to make room for all the things that the team really cares about.

Cynical, you say? Bitter, perhaps? You’re not wrong. And I’d love for another Kingdom Hearts game to come out and make me eat crow. But for whatever joy Kingdom Hearts III brought me as a game, it’s been a truly painful experience as a story. With no pleasure, I can honestly say that in terms of a failed narrative; in terms of completely missing the mark on where the focus should lie; and in terms of feeling like an almost deliberate insult or dismissal of what made these characters and this series wonderful to begin with; no narrative with the Disney name on it, or perhaps at all, has left me so upset since Maleficent. And for me to be saying that, is saying something.

[theinvulnerabletide]

Space Things: moon, Betelgeuse, Centaurus, sombrero galaxy, wormhole for Whisper; Neptune, aldebaran, delphinus, bode’s galaxy, comet for Oriana; Jupiter, deneb, Phoenix, andromeda, black hole for Maggie; mercury, Canopus, Orion, cigar galaxy, nebula for Lyra; earth, Sirius, Libra, cartwheel galaxy, supernova for Thirteen; mercury, alphard, Cygnus, Milky Way, meteor for Celandine; Uranus, Vega, hydra, sunflower galaxy, pulsar for Az’ar; Pluto, Rigel, Cassiopeia, black eye galaxy, comet for Kori

H’okay this is going under the cut because it is almost 2000 words and got very, very long. I apologize if you are on mobile. 

For Whisper: my terrible disaster tiefling sea sorceress:

Moon: What are you currently studying/hope to study?

Whisper is currently studying like…one and a half things in her free time. Which is taking forever because she’snot exactly a bookish person. She is currently learning Primordial (and is onlyabout 130 days from fluency!) and is muddling her way through spellcomposition.

Betelgeuse: What’s something you can never forget about?

Oh man. There’s a lot of things thatweigh on Whisper’s mind, but her obligations might be the heaviest, especiallywhen her loyalties start to conflict.

Centaurus: Favorite holiday?

Fisher’s Respite. Back home it was likea full-on Irish wake (after a very long church ceremony, which Whisper foundfascinating) and Whisper was even allowed to party with the adults for a littlewhile after she was old enough. Some of her favorite memories are from herfamily’s celebrations.

Her second favorite is probably TheGreat Hunt because of all the food. Though meeting a certain Wizard might havesoured that some.

Sombrero Galaxy: Do you have a crush right now?

Define “crush.” Because Whisper wouldcrush you for insinuating anything. In her own words, she likes most of theparty well enough, finds them all pretty attractive and would probably sleepwith them if she knew they weren’t going to be weird about it.

That’s what she tells herself, and Ithink she’s probably even convinced herself of it. But there’s definitely areason she’s only slept with an old friend and a professional since the partyjoined up. *waggles eyebrows*

Wormhole: What’s something you wish would happen, but knowwon’t?

Whisper has been waiting for a veryspecific thing to happen almost her entire life, and she’s half given up hopeof it ever occurring, so… being told she can come back home.

For Oriana, my aasimar paladin of Wahreight, and the Lady of Ambrose Grove;

Neptune: When’s your birthday?

Oriana doesn’t know her actualbirthday, but she chose day 197 (16 Alma'artius) as the day to celebrate on.

Aldebaran: What’s something you care desperately about?

Doing her job the best of herability. The weird thing about Oriana is that she definitely believes in hercalling, in protecting and serving and making the world a better place. Shedesperately wants to protect the people she cares about and those who can’thelp themselves.

Delphinus: Favorite study?

I won’t say that Oriana hatesstudying, because she was methodical about it growing up and placed pretty highin all of her classes because of it, but she’s not a cleric, so she’s not inthe whole research division. More retrieval and dissemination.

That said, she really is enjoying theent philosophy books that Shade gifted her with, and I’m sure she’ll pick up afew more in the same vein once she’s finished with them.

Bode’s Galaxy: Have you ever had a secret admirer?

Not that she knows of. Though theremight have been someone who came up with her through paladin training and justnever came forward?

Comet: What’s your big dream?

Her dream used to be to make headlibrarian and perhaps get a small temple of her own to administer, but now it’sjust making the town of Ambrose Grove flourish again. She just wants to bringpeace and prosperity to the people she’s been made the guardian of.

For Maggie, my brand-newhuman warlock~

Jupiter: Do you have any siblings?

Yep! Maggie has a younger brother namedJack, who is training to be a wizard.

Deneb: Have you ever been out of your home country?

I don’t think Maggie has even been outof her province. She’s been out of Estwald a few times, to go into the forestto meet her patron, or out to smaller villages to help out with supernaturalthreats, but that’s probably as far from home as she has ever been.

Phoenix: Favorite thing to wear?

Maggie has a thick dark woolen long coatthat she wears in leiu of armor, a blue scarf she usually pairs with it. Theclothes underneath change, but her boots probably never do.

Andromeda: Do you consider yourself social?

Maggie’s entire world basically comesdown to work and her family, out of necessity. Letting people get too closecould expose her and give the Church exactly what they need to see her hung.She’d rather not have that happen.

Black Hole: What’s the last thing you want to see?

The last thing she would ever want tosee is her faerie godmother again. But the last thing she wants to see, like before she dies? Hm. I don’t know. Maybe a sunsetover the ocean; she’s never been to the ocean, but she hears its beautiful.

For Lyra, myhalf-elven rogue/pirate captain of the Star Song.

Mercury: What’s your full name?

Lyra Cooper is her whole name. Her mother never gave her a middle one. 

Canopus: Have you ever broken a bone?

Lyra has broken more than a few bones.Some of them from jumping off of buildings and not being able to stop herselffrom hitting the ground, some of them deliberately done by the head of the thieves’guilds she’s been in to teach her a lesson. She had an arm and her nose brokenby Blackthorne himself.

Once she jumped off the bird’s nestand tried to swing down via a rope, but she missed the rope and hit the deckwrong and broke her ankle.

Orion: Favorite month?

Hm. It would probably be Mirius. Lyraalways did love the spring.

Cigar Galaxy: How’s your flirting skills?

Pretty good, all told, when she turnson the charm. She has been taught how to engage and flirt and be all kinds ofcharming. But she never flirts if it’s not for a specific purpose.

Nebula: If you could undo one thing in your life, what wouldit be?

Her mother’s death. If only hermother had survived, well. Who knows where she’d be now? Definitely not thecaptain of a skyship, but all those intervening years of pain and near-starvationand killing and hurting people for a living would also not have happened, andshe wants that almost as much as she wants to see her mother one last time.

For Thirteen, myfish-out-of-water Tabaxi rogue/monk.

Earth: Where’s your home?

Thirteen hails from a jungle islandoff the main continent of the world we were on. Faraway or something like that?Idk I can’t remember what it’s called and I am Too Lazy to get up and find thecampaign map.

But she grew up in a hidden Tabaxisociety and has since been exiled.

Sirius: Have you ever failed a class?

Hell no she hasn’t. She was in thetop percentile of all her classes because she is that damn good.

Libra: Favorite color?

Gold.

Cartwheel Galaxy: When was your first kiss?

Tabaxi don’t kiss like humans orother humanoids do. I don’t think their mouths are made for it. They do touchnoses though, and I think that would have been at about 16, with some male inher class who she just managed to beat.

Supernova: What’s one thing you want to do before you die?

Find the asshole who killed hermentor and rip his guts open.

Celandine, my preciousgnome wizard prodigy

Mercury: What’s your full name?

Celandine Salvia Darkhollow.

Alphard: Have you ever lost a friend?

Yes, I think she has. Aside from hersister, Greldamine, she had one good friend until she was about 6 years old,Emelina, who lived next door. Celandine doesn’t quite remember if she died orjust moved away, only that when they started 2nd grade, Emelina wasn’tthere.

Cygnus: Favourite weather?

Thunderstorms, definitely. Rain helpsher focus and the lightning provides power for all sorts of experiments.

Milky Way: Who’s your oldest friend?  

I think she would count Greldaminehas her oldest friend, since Greldamine has been there since before she wasborn.  

Meteor: What’s something you wish you could tell, but can’t?

The thing is, Celandine doesn’t havemuch of a filter on her, and she doesn’t know when shutting up is the bestoption, so most of the things she wants to say get said.

Maybe she wishes she could talk toher parents more frankly about what being a teenager is like, but she knows shewould get grounded and her tools taken away if they learned 1/8th ofthe shenanigans her and her friends have gotten up to this first year of highschool.

For Az’ar: the Shadar’kaiLore Wizard

Uranus: What’s your hobby?

Az’ar doesn’t really have anyhobbies. She has one goal and basically everything she does furthers it in someway or another.

Vega: What’s something you’ve done that you wish you hadn’t?

I think the only thing she regrets atall is having to kill so many Shadar’kai on the way out of the Shadowfell. But theywere in her way, and since they were offering her violence, she had to returnit. I bet she regrets not stealing away while most of the tribe were asleep,though, or hiding her attempt to leave better.

Hydra: Favorite sound?

The not-quite silence of an emptylibrary.

Sunflower Galaxy: Would you date/make friends with someoneout of pity?

Oh, hell no she would not. I thinkthe furthest she’d go out of pity is to kill them.

Pulsar: What do you hope to do in the next 10 years?

1.) Determine a non-lich,non-necromatic way to remain alive forever.2.) Become the most powerful mage in all the realms.3.) Find the gods wherever they hide and kill them for good.

Kori: Oh heythat’s me!

Pluto: What time is it right now where you are?

5:56pm, CDT

Rigel: Have you ever gone on a rollercoaster?

I have. And I do enjoy them a lot,though it’s been a while for me. I think the last time was when my family wentup to the Wisconsin Dells and we spent the day at Mount Olympus? Good day.

Cassiopeia: Favorite book?

Oh, gosh. This is such a hardquestion because not only does it change all the time, but I have like 60 ofthem at once.

I’m going to go with the His DarkMaterials series for my favorite books of all time (followed very closely bythe Abhorsen Series by Garth Nix), and my current favorite book is Space Operaby Cathrynne M. Valente, and my favorite short story collection is theConservation of Shadows by Yoon Ha Lee.

Black Eye Galaxy: Do you believe in love at first sight?

Love? No. Weird visceral attraction?Yes. I have had some very intense first eye contact before. And even that muchsounds super weird so I’m going to stop there.

Comet: What’s your big dream?

Oh, man. A partner or two, a house orapartment that’s big enough for everyone, maybe with a yard with just enoughroom for a garden in the back, and a room I can use for a library/office. Abook series that’s actually making money that is still in print, even if I haveto work a job or two on the side of writing. We’re living comfortably andpaying our bills on time and I get to see my friends pretty often, and there’sd&d on the weekends and maybe I get invited to stream stuff occasionally.

That’s really it. Quiet mornings, a cat or two, lotsof reading.

[thetwoguineabook]

I was wondering if you might be able to share some advice on being a content creator while living with anxiety-type mental illness. How do you maintain consistent dedication to your practice alongside life obligations during times when your illness makes you feel especially paralyzed, sometimes for long periods? If this question is too personal to answer, no worries & thank you for all the great work you do :)

No worries, I’m completely happy to talk about this stuff, although as always with the caveat that anxiety is different for everyone, and this is just me talking in the context of my own anxiety (and depression) and its patterns.

For one thing, I’m not actually that consistent. I was out of fandom for a good five years prior to YOI, for various reasons which definitely included the fact that I was working, trying to do a PhD part-time, and attempting to have a serious romantic relationship, and I was super exhausted a lot and not really in a frame of mind to write. If you know that your mental health limits your capacity to do stuff, then focus that capacity on a) things that will keep you and any dependents fed and housed and generally alive, b) things that do not make your health worse. Sometimes writing is a stress-reliever, and sometimes it’s the exact opposite. Writing fanfic is not an obligation, it’s a thing you do for fun, and if it’s not fun then you are 100% within your rights not to do it.

Also remember that even when you’re not actually actively writing, the things that you do and the experiences you have are still developing you as a person and a writer. I didn’t post any fic between February 2012 and January 2017, but what I did do in that time was finish a Masters degree, have my first serious relationship, privately rent a place alone for the first time, work on a PhD, go through several jobs, get dumped, get evicted, and have a nervous breakdown. I could not possibly have written Blackbird in 2012; so much of the past five years went into it. If you’re not able to write for a period, that doesn’t mean that time means nothing to your development.

And if you do want to write, you feel it will be good for you, but you feel like you just can’t get off the ground? Something that learning to code is really hammering home for me is that there is no task, no problem, that can’t be broken down into smaller and less intimidating components. This isn’t to say you shouldn’t have an overall scheme in mind- I think it is very hard, if not impossible, to write a good story if you don’t know before you start how it’s going to end- but that any grand narrative can become smaller and more manageable chunks that each contribute their bit towards the end goal.

With Blackbird, I started with a big, vague idea- ‘I want Victor to betray his country for Yuuri’. I sat with the idea and played around with options until I’d refined the rough shape of it- they would fall in love as allies, during WW2, and then meet again as enemies, in the early years of the Cold War, and then there would be a conclusion (I had the closing shot, kissing in the falling snow, locked in from very early on. Priorities!). So I had two defined blocks of the story. I left the London arc with a rougher idea of its outline and focused on Berlin. What were the key events? They had to overcome their apparent enmity, they had to become emotionally invested in each other, and they had to be separated. Okay, so focusing on the first event, what scenes do I need to establish their starting point and what scenes get them from the starting point to the detente at the boarding house (which was the first scene I wrote, as a sketch to play around with the concept)? And there was my structure for chapter one.

It’s very, very hard to say, 'I want to write a 100k historical novel in which Victor and Yuuri are spies who end up running away together’. It’s relatively easy to say, 'I want to write a 2k scene which establishes that Victor is a Soviet agent undercover in Nazi Berlin’, or 'I want to write a 2k scene in which Yuuri discovers that Victor is a spy’. Nobody can solve a hard problem. Nobody can write a novel in one go. But most people can solve a simple problem. Even people who don’t write and aren’t very good at it could probably write a basic scene in which a character does x and y.

So allow yourself to write the small thing. Allow yourself to write the crappiest, most comma-heavy and repetitive version of a scene that nevertheless accomplishes what you need it to in the context of the whole story. And when you’ve done it, congratulate yourself! You did the thing! You got the words on the page, no matter how much you might hate them- words you hate that are there beat the hypothetical amazing words that only exist in your head. 

In software development this is what we call the ‘minimum viable product’, and my course tutor made a great analogy about this. If you’re trying to invent the car, you don’t start by building a really amazing and beautiful car door. That’s useless- no matter how pretty it is, it doesn’t do anything. You start by building a skateboard. It might not have an engine, or seats, or a bluetooth-compatible stereo system, but it’s got four wheels and it moves and you can have a go on it. Build the shittiest thing that works; once you have it, then you can make it a good thing that works.

I’m not saying that I’m necessarily very good at any of this myself. I have wasted hours agonising over comma placement and sentence length, I spent ages googling useless period trivia just so I could reassure myself that things 99% of readers would never even notice were nevertheless accurate. Some of that stuff is important for your craft, but some of it is just stupid anxietybrain being stupid. But getting the hang of recognising that something you don’t like that exists is always better than the perfect hypothetical in your head, and learning to be happy about every small step, every little increment towards your goal, will get you a long way.

Wrote a sentence? Awesome! Wrote a paragraph? High-five your dog! Wrote a scene? Do a victory lap around the room! Something is better than nothing. Everything you do is valuable, no matter how small, because it’s still more than you had before you did it.

And again, remind yourself that if writing is just making you miserable, you do not have to write. There are enough shitty things in life that we nevertheless have to do, like waking up on time for work or doing the ironing. Your health is more important than fanfic. Nobody ever died from an abandoned WIP.