#its been a while 😅

[ohmygodshesinsane]

Abnormal 🪴

Carts before horses, heads over heels; Lily and James decorate the Heads' office in the same way they go about everything else.

words: 842 | rating: T

for @jilymicrofics july prompt 6: garden

on ao3 & under the cut

Lily and James have a garden now. Before a house, before a six-month anniversary, before Lily’s even told her parents (though she will get around to it, she swears, she’s just… something). On the windowsill in the Heads’ office, overlooking the greenhouses and the expanse of shimmering lake beyond it, three little plants grow. Time for the collective noun. A garden.

James laughs and pushes his glasses up his nose. Lily folds her arms across her chest and tilts her chin up and they bat their words back and forth over some invisible net until James’s hands are on her hips and her fingers are tangled in his hair and – shit, they needed to be in Transfiguration two minutes ago. McGonagall will skin them. Shame it’s not Herbology. Could’ve told Sprout we were studying.

It started, actually, with a kind of tribute from a first-year that made Sirius joke about temples and gods and burnt offerings until he decided to grab his favourite ‘vase’ and make some burnt offerings of his own, and Lily and James had left him to it while they trudged down to the office to sit their newest family member in the sun. A week after surprising a little first-year girl stealing from the Potions storeroom, she’d come crawling to them with eyes full of tears and a mouth full of apologies and arms full of this ginormous pot, in which the strangest plant Lily had ever seen stretched towards them. It was a gnarled little sapling with multicoloured leaves that purportedly glowed different shades at midnight depending on the phase of the moon. Lily and James had secreted themselves in a broom cupboard to discuss the appropriate course of action. Was it bribery? Lily had chewed her pinkie nail, envisioning some sort of corruption takedown led by a vengeful, dark-haired Slytherin with whom she was no longer on speaking terms. Was it a prank? James had hit it with half a dozen spells, trying to figure out if it was about to curse them. In the end, it’s spent six weeks on the shelf, has proved perfectly ordinary. Lily now uses its glow as a nice reminder to get the hell to bed.

The second plant was a reject of their Herbology project for the term, in which they were supposed to rear a distant sibling species to the mandragora, which went through similar stages of life, but produced a pungent odour rather than a potentially-fatal scream. It lacked the healing properties, too – despite the stench, it was favoured in beautifying elixirs. Lily had learned that woe would betide any child of theirs. Lily gagged furiously when she had to wipe down the plant’s excess of sap, and James had rocked it rather too aggressively to sleep and bumped it significantly. The poor thing had promptly exploded, and saturated them. She’d nearly broken up with him over that (or so she says, because it makes for a good story; the truth is that even the thought, jokingly, of losing him hurts her heart so much that she can’t breathe, and that is way too pathetic to ever admit to their mates). Fortunately, post-explosion, the plant had become quite docile and completely odour-free, and so they brought their crippled little plant to join its odd elder sibling on their windowsill. An unrespectable pair.

The third plant is today’s edition, a week before Christmas; a confiscated bit of mistletoe cruelly enchanted to attach itself above the head of the most acne-ridden student in any given room, and then shriek, ‘KISS ME’  until the demand was fulfilled, or – as Lily discovered – until it was met with a powerful enough Finite, which most of the third-year students could manage. As she and James had returned to the Heads’ office to fill out the incident report, she’d nearly thrown it out. Nearly. James had swiped it out of her hands and held it above her head, and then pressed his lips to hers.

Needed to check the enchantment really was gone, he’d said. Lily had raised her eyebrows.

Are you saying you don’t trust my spellwork, Potter?

He’d made the doubt up to her. He was exceptionally good at it, too.

So the mistletoe made it to the shelf, and now they’ve got a garden, mismatched and deranged and bizarrely-acquired, all three things. When they return to the office after Transfiguration (and a few minutes of appropriate grovelling and nodding, shame-faced, after McGonagall’s rebuke), James slings his arm around her shoulders and sighs, looking over the plants like a proud father-of-three. She elbows him. He kisses her temple.

Garden before the house. A kiss before the first date. Living together, really, before they ever had feelings for each other. They’ve got mixed up somewhere along the line, of what constitutes proper order and normality, but Lily can’t say she minds. Not when she gets to lean her head against James’s shoulder and count the moles on his neck and the specks of stubble on his jaw.

Perfectly abnormal, thank you very much.  

[schattenmagier]

// Finished all my drafts on this blog!!! HECK YES!!!

Tho if I missed something plz dm me!!!

[johnsjunsuh]

[leescheyenne]

Janeford + Marriage

[corsolanite]

[fakeboyt0y]

I'm so excited to finally get to let myself enjoy drinking tonight that I shaved my chest😅

[beeduoo]

originnssssss who remembers origins i Loved origins

[daenystheedreamer]

oh yeah so on cersei's comment: "ten thousand of [robert's] children perished in my palm....all those pale sticky princes". There's an interpretation to be had that this implies knowledge of cell theory, knowledge of the sperm cell, and possibly advanced microscopes.

if not and each 'pale sticky prince' is one ejaculation, by dividing 10,000 by 14 (the number of years they were married), would imply an average of ~714 ejaculations per year, or about 1-2 ejaculations per day (crucially in cersei's presence).

now this is technically possible, even considering their estrangement, but i believe it necessitates an unimaginable leap in logic considering the cheating and the incest and the fact they HATE each other.

in conclusion, i believe that cersei is aware of the fact that ejaculate is in fact a soup of sperm cells. perhaps she and the wider scientific community still believe in preformationism (laughable but understandable, of course), but i strongly believe this supports the idea that cell theory is at least discussed enough that it is a component of basic education of children. huzzah!

[the1trueanon]

finally posting these alfjsdfklsadjfdfk took me ages ik i'm sorryyyyyyy TwT but yeah, slime rancher au designs hehehe ^^ wanted to make them look more cartoonish to match with the overall design of the Slime Rancher game 👉👈 let me know what you guys think!

story link: The Planet Brought Us to Life (please tap for better quality hhhhh)

Close ups of each under cut

[alchemiclee]

i know this has been said 473773474833 times by the kavetham/haikaveh shippers and probably even nonshippers, but i'll say it again. I finally finished the genshin summer event and did the little after quest in sumeru and.....every time kaveh is sneaking around trying not to be noticed coming out of alhaithams house it's just such a gay vibe. he's basically screaming "I can't be caught being gay in a homophobic society!" even if that's not what the game writers are *actually* saying. that's just how it comes off and they can't make it come off any other way. with hoyo's gay history, it makes me wonder if it's on purpose and all a cover-up to have a technically different reason for it so they can get away with it lmao but we will never know.

[slashingdisneypasta]

Wheezy Weasel x Younger!Reader || Drabble

Plot: That 🔼🔼🔼

Warnings: Age difference + smoking + smuttiness. Unedited.

Tagging: @astridflo , @disney-android-foundation , @marinerainbow , @moxiiscool .

You loved him. Or you were obsessed with him. Or both. You knew that, for sure. You just never knew... if he felt the same. He kept his feelings very close to the vest; worried you were so young and he was a fucking creep.

Maybe he was, he was already a thug anyway, but you sure didn't care. In fact the sooner that the old bastard came to terms with being a creep, the better for you.

So no, despite your feelings (Your very obvious feelings, that you don't even attempt to hide from anyone, least of all him), you were not a couple. Still though, you often found yourself hanging all over him late at night, after the other weasels have all gone to bed. Your legs spread across his thighs, or leaning against him, or fully sat in lap. For some reason... he never complains. There was a silent understanding, even if one of you was tired, you would stay up and watch TV together; and pretend it was by coincidence.

Tonight you're particularly tired, feeling foggy and affectionate. It had been a long day and all you could think about now was Wheezy; you wanted to cuddle up to him and stay there for as long as possible; you didn't even care about the smell. After you absentmindedly watch Greasy, the last one to go off to bed, your gaze shifts over to Wheezy looking handsome as hell- as always- smoking a couple cig's tucked between his teeth so the grey smoke puffs slowly, softly upwards towards the ceiling in warm billows. His eyes seem to glow dangerously behind it, watching TV even though he knows you're watching. You always liked that.

"... hey Wheezy?" You ask, shifting across the couch and gently laying your legs over his lap, and wrapping your arms around one of his. This causes him to sigh through grit teeth, because god forbid he let the cigarettes go for a second, and relax under your touch almost immediately. Like he cant help it. You like that, too. You never miss it; you always make sure to watch, when you touch him.

"Yeh?"

"How come you smoke?"

At this he glances down at you, scary luminescent crystalline hues gliding down your body and- oh. Thats unexpected. He- did he really just- Yes, he actually did.

Your cheeks warm up as he shrugs, turning back to the TV. "What can I say? Keeps my mouth and my hands busy. 'therwise I start sayin' things I shouldn't. Doin'... uh, things, I shouldn't."

"Well- do you think you'll ever stop smoking?"

"Babygirl, I'll stop this fucken second, if you gimmie a better use for my hands and mouth." As soon as he says that your eyes light up and you part your lips to respond- but he beats you to it. Realises what he said. "Oh, fuck. Listen, I didn't mean it that way. Yer too young, y' know that. I could be yer grandpa. Thats that."

Immediately your face falls, even though he sounds more like he's telling himself. Even though he likes you hanging off him. Even though he stays up to be with you. Against all the evidence, because its always this way. He never wants to take the last little step; he's a coward.

You're not even that young, you think, frustrated. Just because he's an old man... A pout appears on your face and when he glances at you, and sees it on your cute lips, it breaks something in him.

You only know it when he turns suddenly towards you and flicks his burning cigarettes into the ash tray on the coffee table. " -'then again, I could be a fucken idiot."

"Wh- "

His lips slam into yours and you release a whimper on impact, parting your lips immediately for him and accepting his experienced tongue into your mouth for the first time. His hands fall down your body, guiding you to lay down and wrap your legs around him- one at a time. Dragging your right leg over his hip and then the left. When you're all wrapped around him you can feel how hard he is for you. Fuck. He must've been like that the whole time.

His lips glide down over your chin and over your throat, leaving hot firm kisses all along the way, and talking gruffly against your skin between every touch; his fingers in your hair holding you still. "Look. what you fucken. did now. Kid. Made me a scumbag. Like Grease. Well," His lips graze gently back upwards, over your lips. When he doesn't immediately kiss you again you have to force your eyes to crack open. See him looking sternly at you; almost scary but it only makes you feel hotter, more light headed. "Now I'm all yours. Your-fucken-problem. Congrats." He says it like its a penalty. A punishment, somehow, instead of what you wanted. "'lright?"

He was asking you one last time. Giving you one last Out.

Goddamnit, this man!-

Instead of answering that stupid question, you lean up and kiss him deeply. "Take me now... "

"Jesus."

[ahsokahearteyes]

this is my reward for finally going to the dentist. the cover looks cool but uh. concerning plot-wise

[anadorablekiwi]

howdy kiwi!! im finally back!

HIIIIII WELCOME BACK!!!! :D 🫂💜💞

We missed you!! 💜💖

[good-beansdraws]

I finished my slutty Fuuta art...

"Sometimes you gotta take your fave very seriously, with accurate characterization and themes and details -- and sometimes you gotta throw all of that away and make them your little paper doll to dress up in slutty outfits" (+ base one so you can join in the fun 👍)

(Edited to add the one from the maid fuuta ask hehe)

[theygender]

I love being T4T. My gf has been on estrogen for a couple weeks now and she's been having a rough time with her mood so I'm teaching her about the ancient art of soaking in a bubble bath with a little drink to sip while watching shows on your laptop

[gideongrovel]

They're doing special showings of L/OTR in theaters next month 😭😭😭 I was only 5 when Fellowship came out so I've never got to see it (or any of the trilogy) in theaters back then, so I'm very excited to go!! I have a F/rodo cosplay I might wear but idk yet,,, 🤔🤔🤔 Idk if other people will show up dressed up or not, not like that would stop me tho

this isn't shipping related l/otr is just a special interest, and I just put any personal post here lol