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3rensgf · 4 years ago

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rent a gf - two eren yeager x reader

word count: 2.9k

warnings: mentions of sex, talks about "getting bitches", eren is an idiot, fuckboy!eren implied, tatbilb mention, uhh fluff idk theres not much to warn abt in here, not beta read

notes: chapter two is out! i'm really glad a lot of people are enjoying rent a gf. it really means a lot! i see some people commented on the previous chapter, and i would love to reply to them, but i'm not familiar with tumblrs commenting system D: if you wanna leave a comment for me to just read, that's fine you can still keep commenting here on tumblr. but if you would like me to reply to it, you can comment on ao3, and i will reply! happy reading :) p.s, waffles w whipped cream r so much better

[ read on ao3 ]

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In the early hours of Saturday morning, you felt a hand shaking your shoulder to wake you. Groaning and mumbling, you sleepily swatted the hand away and pulled the covers over your head. No one should be forced to wake up early on the weekends. It was Saturday, for fucks sake. Not to mention your hangover due to last nights mistakes was making your head throb.

The hand rested on your shoulder once more, shaking you gently. “(Y/N),” Mikasa said softly. “Your alarm has been going off for the past 10 minutes. Wake up. I have water and Advil.”

“Nooooo,” you moaned, snuggling deeper into your bed. “Don’ wanna.”

Mikasa stopped bothering you for a moment, and you let your guard down. Finally you could sleep. When it was time to wake up, you’d wake up.

Right as you were about to pass out again, your blanket was roughly tugged off of you. “Mikasaaa!” you whined, covering your face with your hands. “What was that for? I was trying to sleep.”

“Get up. You have to shower and get ready for lunch with Eren today. Breakfast is almost finished,” she explained, setting down the pills and water on your bedside table. “Go brush your teeth and wash your face so you can eat. Now,” she instructed sternly, moving to your window to open the curtains. The bright sunlight hit your still half-asleep face, making you hiss quietly.

She left the room moments after, probably to check up on breakfast. Honestly, you didn’t know how she could function this early in the morning despite having partied all night last night. Curse her and her inability to get hungover.

Grumbling to yourself, you adjusted your sleep clothes that had gotten disheveled overnight to make sure you looked decent. Your sleepy gaze wandered over to your nightstand to see two Advils on a napkin beside a glass of cold water. Thanking every higher power for sending Mikasa to you, you downed both pills and the glass of water. Even though you might bitch and moan to her constantly, you really weren’t lying when you said you’d die without Mikasa.

After sitting down at the edge of your bed for a few moments, you eventually shuffled into the bathroom to brush your teeth and do your morning routine. It took longer than usual thanks to your sluggish and tired movements, but you got done nevertheless.

A wonderful aroma came from the kitchen when you left, stomach grumbling in anticipation for the wonderful food you were about to scarf down. Mikasa was in the process of setting down both your breakfasts on the island, sitting down on the stools when you walked in. “Morning, Sleeping Beauty,” she greeted, resting her chin on her hands.

“Morning, sweet angel,” you replied, sitting at the stool beside her. In front of you was a plate of Funfetti pancakes with whipped cream instead of maple syrup (syrup was for pancakes only). There were a couple of cut up fruits beside them, too. “Where did you get these?” you asked, picking up your fork to take a bite of your breakfast.

Mikasa dug into her own breakfast of oatmeal as soon as you started eating. “Went grocery shopping and saw the mix in the baking aisle. I thought you’d like it,” she explained, taking a bite of her food. “Good?”

Your response was a moan, tilting your head back as you chewed. “Insanely,” you said, cutting up another bite. You stabbed the piece with your fork and guided it to Mikasa, keeping your hand under it to catch anything if it dropped.

She finished her bite and leaned in to take the bite, humming in satisfaction at the taste. “Good,” she nodded.

“They put like crack ‘n this shit,” you said through a full mouth, shoveling forkful after forkful into your mouth.

You could feel Mikasa's judging gaze for eating like a pig, but you didn’t care. All you cared about was eating these crack laced waffles as greedily as possible. “What time are you supposed to meet Eren today?” she asked to make conversation.

You remember drunkenly slurring to her that Eren was supposed to take you out for lunch today while she was trying to put you to bed. All she did was nod and dodge your flailing limbs while she tried to change you into your night clothes.

“Uhhh,” you trailed off, “I dunno actually. I think he’s gonna text me when.” The familiar notification from your phone indicated you had a text from Eren. “Right now.”

ren ᕙ(`▿´)ᕗ - 9:04 AM picking u up at 12 dont be late

you - 9:04 AM k

ren ᕙ(`▿´)ᕗ - 9:05 AM dont use k with me that makes me sad :(

you - 9:05 AM k

“He says 12,” you told Mikasa, setting your phone back down on the table. You went to go take another bite of your waffles, only to be met with stray bits of whipped cream and waffle crumbs. How disappointing.

“You have time to get ready then,” she said, finishing up the last bit of her own breakfast. Holding her plate, she got up to go put it in the sink, taking your plate for you as well. Literally an angel.

Suddenly, she leaned in to sniff you like the weird English professor you had your freshman year and cringed. “You’re gonna need all the time you can get. You stink.”

Never mind, not an angel.

Grumbling and cursing under your breath, you got off the stool to go take a shower. “And here I was about to offer to get you something for lunch while I was out.”

“A burger from the joint I like would be nice. So would a Coke and side of onion rings.”

“Size?”

“Medium for both.”

You would’ve caved in and bought her something, anyways. Might as well know what she wanted in the first place.

Showering took longer than expected. Most of your time got wasted by you standing under the shower stream and soaking in all the warmth. It wasn’t until Mikasa knocked on the door asking you not to use up all the hot water that made you actually start going through your routine.

The clock read 10:09 when you got out. You still had more time to kill until Eren came, so you elected to sit on your bed in your towel to scroll through social media. At 10:45, you started to get ready for real now.

Your makeup was just enough to cover any imperfections on your face, and your outfit cute enough for a lunch outing with your friend-fuckbuddy.

At 11:50, you stepped out into the living room with your belongings in hand to lounge around while you waited for Eren. You would’ve gone to bug Mikasa, but she had just stepped into the shower minutes prior.

12 on the dot, a rhythmic knocking was rapped on your door, meaning Eren was finally here. Skipping over to the door, you opened it to reveal him while slipping on your shoes.

“Hey,” he grinned when the door opened. He leaned in to give you a kiss on the lips after you’d straightened up from putting on your shoes.

A grin found its way on your lips during the kiss. It only lasted a couple of seconds, ending with you pulling away with a quiet smack. “Hi,” you greeted back.

“Ready to go?” he asked, one hand leaving his jacket pocket to jut his thumb down the hallway towards the elevators.

“Yup, ready,” you said. Over your shoulder, you yelled into the apartment to say goodbye to Mikasa and locking the door once you closed. “Okay, ready for real now.”

There was a new hot pot restaurant near campus, Eren told you, that he so desperately wanted to try. He overheard some people talking about the place in his Stats class, and he’s been wanting to go ever since.

“So, about what I told you last night,” he said, leaning on the table close to you after giving your orders to the waitress. “You said you would help me get Mina.”

“I said it was a bad idea,” you countered, taking a sip of your drink.

“But you said you would help me. For a price.”

“That I… did say,” you sighed. “What’s your plan?”

Smiling, he opened up his jacket and dug into the inner pockets, getting out a small notepad and a pen. Your eyebrows raised at the sight of them. “Okay,” he started, flipping through his notepad. “So I was thinking about it this morning, and this is what I have down so far.”

Sliding it towards you, he waited impatiently for you to read what he had.

Your lips pursed to prevent giggled from leaving your lips. Well, it was a plan, alright. Written in Eren’s chicken scratch of handwriting were a few very simple steps.

eren yaegers fool proof plan to get bitches get mina aka operation rent a gf by eren yaeger 1. talk to mina to get her interested in you ✓ 2. get hot girl ((Y/N)) to pretend to be your gf and show you can be a good bf 3. get mina jealous so she wants you even more and not poopy thomas wanker 4. “break up” with (Y/N) and pretend to be sad 5. get mina to comfort you 6. get bitches make mina your gf 7. pay (Y/N) for her services 8. ta-da!

When you looked up from the notepad, you saw Eren waiting for your answer. “Well? What do you think? Is it any good?” he asked.

“Were you high when you wrote this?” was the first thing you asked him. Eren shook his head innocently. “You’re 100% serious?” He nodded.

You bit your lip, deep in thought about Eren’s supposedly fool proof plan. “What makes you think it’s gonna work?”

“I know girls and how they act. If Paradis University let me major in women -- don’t get smart with me I don’t mean Women Studies -- I would be passing all my classes with flying colors. I know it’ll work, trust me,” he said cockily, leaning back in his chair.

“No you don’t.”

“Yes I do. I know you. I know everything about you, (Y/N). I even know how to make you scream my name in--”

“Okay!” you cut him off, not wanting the strangers around you to know the intimate details of your sex life with Eren. “Okay.”

“I knew you were gonna do that. See, I do know women.”

A moment or two passed, both of you staring at each other. You with a deadpan expression, and him with a proud one. You were the first one to break the silence with a heavy sigh. “Okay, say I agree to this. What do I get in return?”

“Anything you want,” he said. “Within reason, of course. Please don’t ask me to like, hide a body or something.”

Ignoring his last comment, you continued speaking, “You’re not allowed to back out of whatever I ask you to, right? If this plan fails or succeeds, you still owe me whatever you promised.”

Eren nodded. “Of course. I swear on it.” He shifted a little so his elbow was on the table, holding out a pinky. Instinctively, you held out your pinky as well and intertwined the both of them. Pinky promises were something you and Eren had been doing for years now. It meant that the other was dead serious on their promise.

The waitress came back with your broth and dipping ingredients, setting them on the table for you right when your pinkes left each other. Thanking the waitress, the two of you talked some more while you waited for the broth to heat up.

“We should make it official. With a contract and set of rules,” he said. “Like that one movie you forced me to watch with you. The Boys I Loved or some shit like that.”

“To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before,” you corrected.

“Yeah, that. They’re kinda doing something like us, yeah?”

“Guess so,” you shrugged, picking up your chopsticks and a sice of pork belly when the broth started to boil. “After we eat though.”

Idle chatter was shared between the two of you as you ate. Even though you saw each other nearly every day, you never ran out of things to talk to. You could be talking about complete nonsense or how quantum physics made no sense, and you would still have the best time of your life.

By now, the broth had been drunk up and the table had been cleared out to be replaced with banana milk and ice cream. Eren brought out his notepad again to write down the set of rules for your fake relationship while enjoying your desserts.

Good progress had been written so far on the notepad. Both of you had given input and criticism on each rule made. In the end, you finally had a good set of rules written down.

(Y/N) and erens contract and rules for eren yaegers fool proof plan to get mina aka operation rent a gf by eren yaeger 1. act normally. eren and (Y/N) act like a couple already. just double the pda a little more 2. don’t tell anyone about the deal. the more people who believe in the relationship, the more likely it is for the plan to work 3. post each other on ig a lot. maybe add names and a date to bios to make it more believable 4. date night every saturday (go out or just hang out) 5. go to parties together 6. walk each other to class if you can 7. call each other cute pet names 8. after breaking up, the couple act has to stop including the sex 9. DON’T SLIP UP

payment for (Y/N):

Eren tapped a beat on the notepad, reading “payment” over and over again. Eventually he looked up at you, deep in thought. “Have you thought of anything so far?” he asked, clicking the pen to write what you wanted.

This was a tough decision. Eren was ready to give you anything to help him get Mina. You had to be wise and pick something big to take advantage of him. Something you were sure you wouldn’t ever regret getting.

“How about,” you started, trailing off, “you do my laundry for the rest of our time at ParadisU, buy me lunch every Wednesday even after we break up, recommend that godsend of a tutor you keep gatekeeping to help me too, and…”

“And?” Eren asked, looking up from his writing, waiting for your next words.

“All the orgasms I want during our relationship,” you finished, satisfied with what you chose.

“Is that all?” he asked, writing down the last of your words. “That’s a lot.”

“How about I let you know if I wanna add more,” you said. Eren nodded in response. His head hung to look at the notepad again, writing something down. Once he was done, he plaed the pen on the pad and slid it to you.

“Sign it so it’s official,” he instructed.

There were two lines beside each other, one already with Eren’s signature. Without hesitation, you signed your name neatly on the paper, giving the items back to Eren once you were done.

payment for (Y/N): eren has to do the (Y/N)’s laundry for the rest of university, buy her lunch ever wednesday, get tutor to help her and give her as many orgasms as she wants during the course of the relationship

signed x eren yaeger x (y/n) (l/n)

The two of you shook hands when Eren put away his things, to seal the deal again. The waitress came by again to give you the bill and collect your dirty dishes. Eren set down the cash needed to pay along with a tip in the check presenter before the two of you left.

You walked hand in hand back to Erens car before you realized you missed something. “Wait. What do we tell people when they ask how we got together?” you asked, pausing in your tracks.

Eren stopped with you, turning to look at you. “Um, you can say I confessed after lunch, and that this is technically our first date,” he suggested, tugging your hand to walk back to the car.

“Huh. Okay. That works,” you nodded.

The two of you got into the car a little bit past 2:30 in the afternoon, ready to go home. “Wait,” you said again, making Eren pause. “Mikasa wanted a burger from that one joint near our apartment. Could you take me there first?”

Eren smiled and nodded, starting the car. “Of course. Burger with medium Coke and onion rings?”

“How did you know?”

“She always gets that when we go there.”

“Huh… I guess you’re right.”

“When am I not?”

"Always."

taglist - @thestrugglesofateenagedirtbag , @lazalee , @countthemoons , @se-va-muriendo-mialma , @liaxxx109 , @prxttyguardian , @jeansbabycake

italic names, it wouldn't let me tag you!

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radramblog · 3 years ago

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on Megalovania

This wasn’t what I originally planned to write today, but things change when cool news comes in. Besides, I’m in a pissy mood, and I want to write about something fun to try to change that.

To coincide with the 6th year anniversary of Undertale’s release, Toby Fox has announced the upcoming release of the second chapter of its…sequel?, Deltarune. And in honour of that very sudden and very sick announcement, I thought I’d do a piece on what many would describe as Toby’s iconic song, Megalovania. It’s had a fair few iterations at this point, so there’s plenty of meat to go through.

This may or may not be just an excuse to talk about Homestuck again. But there will be other things! I promise! Mostly those, actually.

Megalovania first appeared as the final boss theme for Toby’s Earthbound Romhack (back when he still went by Radiation), The Halloween Hack. Considering the works that would follow, THH has kind of been buried in history, and in some ways, that’s for the best. It’s very 2000s edgy, if you catch my drift.

Toby has stated that the original intent was for the final boss music to be Megalomania, from the soundtrack to another SNES JRPG, Live a Live (not to be confused with Kill la Kill), but he couldn’t get it to work for whatever reason. In a way, that’s kind of a shame, because Megalomania is an absolute bop, but I’m not going to act like what we got wasn’t also very good.

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The original version of Megalovania from THH probably sounds kind of basic to those more used to the modern iterations. Do keep in mind that this was designed to be played by a now 26-year-old game on an even older console, and its not like SNES romhacking was easy at the time. Earthbound (and by extension, the Halloween Hack) are in this weird place where the soundtrack definitely still sounds really limited or bitcrushed at times, but some tracks (such as Pokey Means Business!) manage to sound excellent.

Megalovania is somewhere in between, I think. The guitar riff that drives the whole track sounds absolutely gorgeous, which is good, because I think that’s really the key element of the whole thing. The melodies present from other instruments throughout the whole thing vary in quality, both in the subjective sense and the fidelity sense, but without that riff, the song would be nothing. It’s the one truly consistent thing through every single version of Megalovania, it’s the heart of the track, and it’s surprisingly simple for something that sounds so driving and intense.

The context surrounding Megalovania iteration number one is somewhat more awkward to talk about. Like I said, The Halloween Hack is edgy, and I fucking mean it. The story is (after some preamble) a descent into the mind of Dr. Andonuts from the original game, having been driven mad on account of being in a timeline where Ness and friends don’t come back alive from the confrontation with Giygas. After a long metaphysical journey, the main character (who is Varik from Brandish for some reason) confronts Andonuts’s psyche itself as the final boss, who begs for mercy before flipping his lid with, well. I’ll just quote it. Keep in mind this is what you’re reading as Megalovania starts to play:

“I HAVE FUCKING HAD IT WITH YOUR SHIT. you little fuckers are going to have your bodies ripped in half. I’ll shove your asses so far down your throats that when you crap you’ll sing fucking beethoven”

“tl;dr: eat shit, [slur redacted]”

Which if you ask me is a little much. As spooky as the whole romhack is, Andonuts’s dialogue is so utterly over-the-top that it’s hard to take seriously. It’s such a pristine combination of the humour both of the time and of Toby’s likely age at the time. It’s still a fairly impressive piece of work as a whole, but considering where we’re up to, one could call this humble beginnings for Megalovania.

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The track’s next big outing was as part of the Homestuck soundtrack. I’d argue that this is really where Toby got his name out there, seeing as much of his early notoriety came from his huge contributions to the webcomic’s lengthy list of albums, and also the fact that apparently Undertale was in part coded in Hussie’s basement. I don’t remember where I heard that first, but I’ve heard it from multiple sources, so.

This version of the song, styled as MeGaLoVania, starts off with a bit of a statement, with the opening notes being very much on a real shreddy-ass electric guitar, but the body of the song is actually largely the same (if cleaned up and with some different instruments) as THH’s version. Of course, this version does have more going on, as evidenced by a few of the guitar lines carrying on new melodies, as well as continuing in the background behind sections from the original piece. Owing a lot to the increased instrumentation and fidelity, this version of Megalovania is easily the rockiest, especially as the final minute of the track brings in Vriska’s banger of a theme (also composed by Fox) and the drums pick up in intensity.

While Homestuck’s soundtrack is incredibly vast, relatively little of it actually ended up being used in the webcomic itself. MeGaLoVania, of course was used, and it was right during what I’d argue was the comic’s peak in Act 5 Act 2. The animation featuring the song, [S] Wake, is such an incredible pair of oh holy FUCK moments, what with the revival of Aradia and her actually being able to (temporarily (heh)) halt the story’s main threat, and also Vriska just fucking murdering Tavros, no biggie. Looking back at it now, the whole thing feels kind of quaint, the animation style in particular (it was just Like That), but it was such a big deal at the time. It doesn’t hurt that this is easily my favourite version of Megalovania, because I’m a sucker for guitar noodling, and also a sucker for Vriska’s theme.

Homestuck (and MeGaLoVania) was pretty big in the early ‘10s, but at the end of the day, the comic and track were still very niche. And then 2015 rolled around, and Undertale came out, and suddenly it was everywhere.

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As someone who’s known the song since before the game came out, it is somewhat disappointing to have it so strongly associated with Sans. Especially since A. He already has a much more fitting theme, and B. it’s so clearly the theme of that specific fight, and even moreso that of the Genocide player themselves, but fine, whatever. MEGALOVANIA, as it is styled, is very much a more bombastic version of the theme, one with more experience under the belt, and more control behind the context. After all, in this case, Toby didn’t have to wrangle with the limitations of SNES Romhacking or of featuring the track in someone else’s work. The track still has the base elements of a chiptune and chugging guitars, but the different soundfont used helps a lot to elevate the whole track’s intensity. In particular, I think the verses (do they count as verses? I know very little actual music theory, sorry) sound miles better in this iteration than any of the previous, and the snappy percussion is subtle but also great.

There are a lot of things that make the Sans fight so memorable, and MEGALOVANIA is obviously one of them. I imagine many would cite the sheer difficulty as another, but more important than that is the way it plays with expectations. In the Genocide run, you are the most attuned to the game’s combat system, and you’ve spent enough time wailing on Undyne to have expectations about how fighting Sans is going to be. And then he attacks first with an insane hard-to-dodge combo, he gets to dodge attacks, and he gets to force you onto a time limit. It breaks the rules of the game in such a shocking way that it’s hard not to find it memorable. This is not even mentioning the wild lore implications behind the fight’s dialogue, or that such a silly character goes so fuckin hard during a scrap.

Silly is something Sans is, which people seem to forget considering how much of his associated fan material is based around this one fight. Man spends half the game napping and selling hot dogs and telling awful puns. It does bug me a little, but I completely understand the impact of the scene. Despite most players never seeing it, it has to be one of the most iconic facets of the whole thing.

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While hundreds if not thousands of remixes and covers of Megalovania exist at this point, most of them aren’t worth bringing up, because I don’t have infinite time on my hands, and because they’re not official. I do want to quickly bring up Megalo Strike Back, a track Toby made for an Earthbound fan album, because it slaps like hell. It’s clearly got a few of the elements of Megalovania, but the melody is so much more mysterious and eerie, and yet also kinda jaunty. I’m a big fan, and considering how many fan animations and games I’ve heard it in, so are a lot of folks.

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The other version I’d like to bring up is, of course, the version that appeared in Smash Ultimate. Considering Nintendo’s typical policy surrounding fan media, having a track that originates from a SNES Romhack in fucking Smash is both incredible and hilarious.

Musically, however, it’s not that notable. The first minute or so, in fact is basically just the Undertale version with a slightly different mix (as it’s styled MEGALOVANIA, that’s the version being referenced here), though I think some of the later parts are in a slightly different key that sounds pretty interesting. I’m not sure how I feel about the piano section- on the one hand, I’m not really a fan of that instrumentation, on the other, it is very Smash, and the violins that come in are great. And then there’s guitar noodling on the back half! I just noticed that! It’s different from the Homestuck version, though.

And that’s all I have to say about Megalovania, I think. It’s a song with a surprisingly storied history, and one that is unlikely to be forgotten as long as people still remember Undertale, Homestuck, or even the Halloween Hack. And considering at the very least the popularity of the former, that’s going to be a long time away.

…okay two more things, one I think battle against a true hero is better than MEGALOVANIA and two James Roach aka probably the biggest lategame Homestuck composer remixed Megalovania for Pesterquest but it’s reaaaaaally subtle until like 3 minutes in and he called it “yeah, it is” and that’s fucking hilarious okay bye

#ramble #music #video games #homestuck #undertale #toby fox #the halloween hack #megalovania

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takaraphoenix · 4 years ago

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Hi! What are your thoughts about OUAT.

That’s a complex, layered answer because my feelings for OUaT are very complex. The short of it is that, obsession and love level wise, this was my Shadowhunters before Shadowhunters existed as a show. I completely loved and adored this show, I watched every episode as soon as it came out, with a single-minded focus (as in: normally, when watching TV, I use the show as a background noise to my writing. There is only a select handful of TV shows that ever managed to get my full, undivided attention of me turning all else off to only focus on the show).

I love OUaT to bits and pieces. However, much like Shadowhunters, it was far from a flawless show. Very, very, very far. Seriously, it’s an absolute mess in many aspects but damn do I love it.

It appeals to many of the things I love. For one, classic Disney movies. For another, fairy tales - but the very specific niche genre of fairy tale crossovers, which is just... my biggest weakness, possibly. Thirdly, characters you can get invested in and love to bits and pieces.And fourth, shipping.

This is one of the incredibly small, tiny pool of shows where I absolutely adore the canon ships, not just in a “daw it’s cute enough” way that makes me accept that it is The Canon Ship That’s Happening, but in a way that has me actively invested in and rooting for those absolute dumbasses. And. Not just one ship, usually it’s like “huh I am surprisingly invested in this one ship”, but - Rumpel/Belle, Hook/Emma, David/Snow?? Yes, please, inject it into my veins.

Though also just as attached to my non-canon ships - REGINA/EMMA FOR LIFE, Ruby/Snow, Hook/David. And that duality of being really invested in the non-canon ships but still absolutely loving the canon ships? That is... completely and entirely unique to OUaT for me. Never happened outside this show.

I adore that this show did one of the things that I complained Descendants didn’t - it respects Snow White, the very first Disney princess, and puts her front and center. Never-ever made sense to me that Descendants just went “uuuh we at random picked Belle to rule all the kingdoms because I dunno the head writer loves Beauty and the Beast the most”... Snow White was Disney’s very first and I do think she deserves more respect.

The things they did with her! They made her an actual active heroine. Not a little girl hiding out in the woods. They explored possibilities and turned her into a total badass, who never lost the main qualities of Disney’s Snow White though. Her nurturing, loving, gentle soul. That is what I adore about her, because very often when trying to portray strong female characters, media removes their softness, makes them hardened to make them a badass.

Regina and Emma have such a brilliant canon dynamic - even beyond the fanon ship. The way they mended and grew together and became friends. The growth, the softness, the shared custody. I love them.

And with both Regina and Rumpel, I love the day they gradually progressed from “main antagonist from season 1″ to “part of the family”. This show is a found family feast.

It wasn’t flawless. It had some pacing issues, in my opinion. Like the Peter Pan arc was too long. They went hiking for like 12 episodes. That one still sticks with me as having bored me. And I also do think it was a huge mistake to make Peter Pan, one of Disney’s heroes a villain. He was a great villain and his actor absolutely killed it, don’t get me wrong, but in the context of Disney canon, it was a bit jarring.

The same is to be said about Arthur. Don’t take King Arthur, of all people, and turn him into a jackass. That didn’t sit right with me and I think that could, and should, have been handled differently.

As a huge fan of Wizard of Oz canon, I have mixed feelings about Zelina. She was kind of a joke most of the time, her raping Robin was not good at all (beeecause that’s what it is when you shapeshift into the person the other one loves and then have sex with them under pretense to get yourself pregnant), but in the end it - and her - fit relatively well into all of this.

Was completely wasted for the entire Frozen arc, but even I, someone who loathes that movie with a burning passion, genuinely enjoyed the way the show was trying to fix it? Answer all the unanswered question the movie left and actually tie it into the Snow Queen fairy tale? Like, that was a feast and I love that they did that. Also Ingrid was hot and checked all my boxes so there’s that.

In the same way, I adore what they did with Ursula. That they took the scraped canon of Ursula being Triton’s sister and worked with that and that they in the end decided to redeem her too - though I am still very disappointed that we never got to see Ursula actually interact with Ariel at all. That’d have been so interesting. (Also, I admit, they went really overkill with having three Ursulas. Regina pretending to be Ursula, Ursula the ancient golden statue goddess and the actual Ursula, daughter of Poseidon).

I love Hades. I love Greg Germann’s take on Hades. He absolutely killed it. The whole underworld story was incredibly awesome to me personally - though I know others didn’t like that half-season as much. But I really dug that.

I think that it started to fizz out after that though and that after the underworld storyline, they probably should have drawn it to a close, because... after everything, after five whole seasons of watching redemption and working hard to make up for the things you did in the past, they really just decided “and now Regina is gonna physically split off her Evil Queen”... and made that Evil Queen the villain. That felt insanely repetitive of season 1 and like a set-back for Regina.

(The second half of that season didn’t go better because honestly that whole nonsense with “not only is Rumpel the son of Peter Pan, nope, now we bring in his mom the Evil Fairy”, featuring the very overused trope of “baby is magically aged up to be a character who can contribute to the plot”... Not the best.)

Also I refuse to acknowledge the existence of that reboot season. It’s bullshit is what it is. The show had the perfect ending. And then they immediately slapped a reboot onto it... why? If they had taken their time, wait ten years until nostalgia for the show kicks in and the actors all need work again, and do a proper “now Henry goes through shit”, that’d have actually been interesting, but... the moment I saw “so... we keep half the main cast, break up some OTPs, don’t age the adults up but age Henry up and also there is now a second Cinderella”, I knew that’s not gonna be good.

Seriously, the second Cinderella is what really fucked it over for me. What I loved about OUaT was that it gave very specific rules to its universe.

The Author documents the tales. The Author gives them their spin. But they are still the same tale. Be that the Brothers Grimm, who documented Cinderella, or then Walt Disney, it was still Cinderella, from the Enchanted Forest. Their stories were simply written down.

That they then, in the reboot season, went “well, actually There Are Many Cinderellas!!” completely contradicts the previously established rules of this world? Because yes, the concept very similar to Cinderella actually exists in many cultures - and that was the cool thing of OUaT’s take, because pressumably that is because the Author was in said culture at said time and documented the tale, as is the Author’s job.

Especially since it was so... unnecessary? I mean, they gave Rapunzel one half-assed episode in the past, they never tackled Gold Mary, they could have shown what became of Hänsel and Gretel now also grown up, etc. There were other unused characters that could have been brought in instead of throwing the rules out of the window.

But moving on from that; I love that they didn’t limit themselves to Disney movies - that they did prominently put Red Riding Hood (my favorite fairy tale character) in there, that they worked with mythology as well as books.

One thing they absolutely fucked up was their spin-off though. Once Upon a Time in Wonderland. They made that. They decided that, out of everything touched upon in the series, Alice’s tale should get a spin-off... and then they didn’t use any of the actual characters?

Alice herself never got an appearance in OUaT, not prior or after the spin-off (only very much later in the reboot season, with a different Alice)

They had the Queen of Hearts on OUaT, but they didn’t use her as the main antagonist, or at least a huge deal, on Wonderland

They had the freaking Mad Hatter on OUaT, but he doesn’t even have a single cameo on Wonderland

And don’t give me “Seb Stan was too busy!”, because... even then, they could have recast. The Mad Hatter is kind of a big part of Alice in Wonderland, but... they ignored the majority of what is important in AiW in general, so there is that

They named the Red Queen Anastasia and very heavily implied that yes, the Anastasia who was the stepsister of Cinderella - but when OUaT’s original Cinderella got her stepsisters introduced, they suddenly had entirely different names than the Disney stepsisters and of course it wasn’t the same actress either

They introduced Jafar (for some reason) in Wonderland. And then recast him when Aladdin was tackled on OUaT and never addressed any of the things that happened on Wonderland, especially not how Jafar was the son of the sultan which would technically make him Jasmine’s brother

It was nearly dumb to move Will Scarlet to OUaT after the spin-off was axed, because at that point they legit just ignored Wonderland as a whole so this acknowledgment felt very off. But then it’s Michael Socha and I love him so I ain’t gonna complain about that.

So yes, I have mild issues with how they made a spin-off that had basically no inpact on the show, despite many elements that should have crossed over and carried significance in both shows.

Lastly, because we’re on the topic of spin-offs, I still would absolutely kill for a spin-off about Mulan, Merida and Ruby. Those three, exploring the Enchanting Forest together, training together, being gay together, it was the best thing. Which does force me to mention the gay. Because... Mulan was canonically in love with Aurora and when they set her up to find Ruby and journey with her, it came really off as them trying to make Mulan/Ruby happen. Then they introduce Merida, a very famously single princess, and you start to wonder. But in the end, it’s Ruby who ends up with Dorothy, aka two characters not associated with Disney. And it makes you wonder. (It doesn’t. We all know Disney is hugely homophobic. We all know OUaT most likely had some Disney executive yelling at them for even implying one of their characters may be gay. So they backtracked to give the wlw storyline to two characters that weren’t Disney property.)

Ah, I don’t like ending things on a negative note so one last positive - as weirdly as the Dark Swan arc was handled at parts, I absolutely love that Emma’s name being Swan really did pay off in making her the Swan Princess in the end and giving a nudge to Swan Lake with the Dark Swan. That was such a cool pay-off of something as small as a last name.

So, to sum it up, there’s some flaws in the writing, some things I wish would have been explored more, but overall good gods do I love and adore this TV show.

#Once Upon a Time #Once Upon a Time in Wonderland #Disney #Anonymous

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lovelybrittxo · 4 years ago

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where do I even start?

I’m literally only writing this for myself since typing a whole novel out on the computer is way easier than writing this in a physical journal which is what I normally do. I come to Tumblr though when I have way too much to say and don't know how to say it. I just need to get it off my chest before I blow up. so here it goes...

shall we start at the beginning? I grew up in a decently religious household. my mom, sister and I went to church almost every Sunday with all our aunts and uncles. don't get me wrong, I still believe in God and whatnot and I wouldn't change my upbringing in the church for anything. but it may have suppressed my views on the world. something my aunt said to me a few years ago has stuck to brain ever since and I can't seem to shake it. she told me that she actually believes that being gay is a sin and that you can love the sinner but not the sin. so like, she believes if you're gay, you can be gay but don't act upon it/the sin. she believes, for example, that being trans is a mental illness. like, I just can't wrap my head around that. and honestly, she spoke with so much conviction and “sense” that she actually had me fooled to think the same way for a hot second. and then to learn that my other “cool” aunt also believes this... kinda sad. both of those aunts have literally talked down upon family (and our family is very tight knit) and people they love... what would they do if they ever found out about me?

ive felt a lot of feelings ever since I was young. mostly towards males... but also towards females. I just thought the female part was me wanting to be like them or be their friend and just have them like me and accept me as a chill person to be around. but fast forward to a couple years ago. I was bombarded (in a good way) by social media flaunting (in a good way lol) different sexualities and things. its hard to describe but that “world” was just becoming more prominent to me I guess.

I started to try and put my religious upbringing in the background so I could focus on trying to figure out who I really was. ive been doing this for at least a couple years now. and although im still trying to really figure it out, right now half way through 2020, I think im getting closer to an answer. and guess what has helped me the most? tiktok lmao! no but for real, the internet is an amazing place for discovery in any form. after I started to get into real communities online (like kpop and penpaling) i’ve never felt more connected to the internet and it allowed me to try and find real personal help... if that makes any sense. i’ve just tried to put myself out there and not just google my feelings but piece together a map from asking real people over the Internet here and there to try and figure out who I am.

sometime last year (or maybe earlier) I found a YouTube video of a popular creator retelling her coming out story. I just randomly commented on the video about how I had been feeling, not to get a reply but just to comment. but then I actually got a real reply (not from the creator but still a nice person). they said something along the lines of me basically being bicurious. I had never in my life heard of such a word and I had thought that this person was just making it up. one google search later I found out it was a real thing. although at the time of first looking it up I was still very confused about the word... still kinda am? lol. however, just a couple weeks ago I had seen a post somewhere (an ad I think selling pride flags) saying there was an official bicurious flag. I was in shock. I thought it was a scam, but its not, it’s real (I just don't think it’s talked about very often cause it doesn't seem like a solid sexuality that you can claim your entire life). but anyway.

now what i’m gonna say next I don't want to come off in the wrong way (you nonexistent person reading this lol), but I feel like dating a trans person brought me into that “world” a bit more. like, i had literally never met anyone who was trans before him or anyone who was gay or used a they/them pronoun... never. but in his world, all of that was common and normal. and this is where I don't want to come off wrongly... I don't wanna make it seem like because I dated a trans person i’m qualified to be included in the LGBT community now or to talk about LGBT stuff or whatever. I just think because I dated him, it opened up my shallow world a bit. especially because he’s open about it (on a side note I always loved looking at his huge trans flag above his bed. that was the first flag I had really ever memorized because of him. besides the rainbow one obviously lol). like, his best friend uses they/them pronouns, and although i’ve always been aware of that, i’ve only ever seen things about it through YouTube videos and whatnot. I had never had to actually use those pronouns for anyone I knew in real life until I met his best friend. like, everything I knew about that “world” had only been through online researching/consuming. i’d never experienced it in real life before.

I remember one night we talked about it a little. I knew he was bisexual and so I asked him if he’d ever dated a guy. he asked me if I would ever date a girl and i just said that I had always thought about it and that my tinder profile was set to find both genders. then we talked about pride since it was at the beginning of quarantine and we didn't know if parades were still gonna happen or not yet. he said I could always go as an ally because I told him I felt ashamed and like I shouldn't be allowed to attend a pride parade. (of course he reassured me I can go and he wasn't shocked about me liking both genders at all...he just said ‘nice’ lol)

I still have a little inkling in the back of my mind that I still shouldn't be able to attend though. honestly because I don't know what I would be attending as. I feel like an imposter. I don't want people thinking that im doing all this for attention or just because I dated one person in the LGBT community. i’ve been struggling with this for so long... but it just so happens that now at 27 years old im coming to terms with who I am. I just feel like because I didn't figure it out earlier that I’m not “worthy” of being included. I feel like such an outsider because no one’s “invited” me in yet lol because im still trying to figure it out.

and on the same note, I don't feel like i’m worthy because I still really don't have a solid answer. at the moment I just use bicurious because ive never dated a girl before. the trans guy ive been talking about has been the only person i’ve ever been romantically involved with. im serious. I made it 26 years without being with anyone in any type of way. I feel like I don't have the right to call myself bisexual. however, I feel a tiny bit more confident in using that label maybe after I do end up dating a girl in the future and not feel guilty about using it because that same guy calls himself bisexual but told me right out one day that he’s way more attracted to girls than guys and im in the same situation but opposite. the only difference at this point in time is that he’s dated both and I haven't. but thennnn on the other hand, do I even need to label myself at all right now??

even if I did wanna come out, I don't wanna do it until I really have a solid answer about my identity. i just feel like such a fraud or something because im trying to figure it out so late. and like, im going so over the top with my support this year because I feel like I should fit in and maybe im trying too hard? again, I just don't want people thinking its because I dated one trans guy and all of a sudden im huge into the LGBT community. it’s not like that. all of this is just helping me bring out my true self. ugh this is the part where it gets confusing to put into words. i’m aware and I have pure intentions. im just trying to figure out myself after a long time of trying to figure out myself lol

some days the research is overwhelming. there's so many facts and opinions and different people’s stories and labels. as crazy as it sounds I just want someone who’s been gay their whole life to come up and tell me “yup, your bisexual no doubt” lol or something like that. I guess I just want to be validated in my exploration. and i’ve seen random tiktok comments saying stuff like that, that validates me, but the difference is that their comments aren’t directed specifically to me. they don't know me personally. it’s hard to have a random social media comment resonate with me. honestly, and this may sound selfish and not right, but when I was talking to the guy I was seeing, I almost wish he just told me straight out what I was that day. but instead he said I could go to Pride as an ally. and that was probably just him being respectful and not forcing me to be anything, but it almost had the opposite effect on me. by saying I was an ally it felt like he was giving me that permanent label even after telling him I like guys and girls.... ya know?

something recently happened to me that really stuck with me and I was so happy. I have a penpal who is very southern Texas raised religious. she knows the Bible better than I do. I had posted a Pride doodle I did on my Instagram at the beginning of this month and she was the only one who personally responded with an encouraging and supportive dm. if she can support whole heartedly the LGBT community and still love God, then why can't I?? and that's when I trulyyyy knew that I was right and my aunt’s were wrong and I wasn't going insane lol

I wanted to buy a bicurious or pride flag recently. but then was torn when I saw the ally flag (which I also didn't know existed until recently) and the bisexual flag. I know they're just flags but it feels so solid?? like you buy one when you know what you are.... and I don't yet. so I ended up not buying one at all :/

again, there was no purpose to this post because I know no one is going to read it but I just had to type it out into the world so I didn't have to bottle it up anymore.

#lgbt #pride #pride 2020 #lgbt community #bisexual #bi curious #trans #transgender #questioning #sexuality #coming out #me #personal

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wehavethoughts · 4 years ago

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Six of Crows Review!

Six of Crows

By: Leigh Bardugo

YA Fantasy Novel

Henry Hold & Company, 2015

Rating: 4.5/5 Waves

Summary: Six rag-tag teens are offered the job of a lifetime: more money than they know what to do with and all they have to do is spring a scientist from the most heavily fortified prison in the world. A daring adventure filled with magic, love and betrayal.

The review CONTAINS (mild) spoilers for the novel Six of Crows.

Content Warning for Six of Crows: Blood, Violence, Death, Forced Prostitution (mentioned), Fantasy Racism, Sexism, Slavery/Indentured Servitude

“No Mourners. No Funerals.” – All of these wonderful characters right before they do something insane.

I can’t tell you how refreshing it was for me to pick this book up and read in three days. It’s been years since I’ve found a book that I simply could not put down. From the writing style to the pacing to the clever characters, this book had everything I didn’t know I needed. Before I dive into why this book knocked my socks off, I want to give a shout out to the several friends who recommended this book to me over the years (you know who you are). You were right! I loved it <3

Aside from how highly recommended this book was, I knew pretty early on that this book was a great fit for me. The first clue was that there are not one, but two maps in the front. I might be the only one, but a good map to start off my fantasy book always puts me in a very good mood. In my version of the book, the maps are illustrated by Keith Thompson and they are beautiful. The detail and imagination that went into these maps, particularly the Ice Court schematic really allowed me to immerse myself in the story, especially since one of the characters actually sketches the Ice Court in the novel. It is so easy to imagine Wylan hunched over a piece of parchment drawing this spectacular map.

My second clue that I would love this book was that it is a heist novel. In fact, knowing that this book was about a fantasy heist was at least half the reason I decided to read it, and Bardugo did not disappoint. What I find to be most compelling about this heist story is how she lays out the mission as nearly impossible, but never gives the reader a reason to doubt the characters’ resolve. Sure this heist seems insane and doomed to fail, but our faith in the characters keeps the reader invested. Bardugo also did a great job with her foreshadowing. The plot twists and the way the characters solved their problems, while surprising, always made sense in hindsight. There were never any instances where I felt like Bardugo used her magic system to ‘cheat’ the character’s out of a bad situation or where the characters were just so clever there was no way I could have ever guessed what they were going to do. The book kept me on my toes, but it never made me feel stupid.

As I mentioned in my About Page, I love me a good magic system, and Bardugo delivers fun and vibrant magic with clear rules and expectations that just beg to be broken. She also does a great job integrating the magic into a world that feels complex and expansive. This world has both a history and a future in a way that makes me feel like the author put a lot of good work in and loves this world as much as I do. My favorite detail is how Bardugo used language and language barriers in the story. The main cast are from different countries within this world and logically speak different languages, though fortunately most are multilingual. I just love the little details like how Wylan speaks schoolroom Fjerdan because he learned it from his tutors and how Matthias only just learned Kerch during his time in prison. It gives the world a fun realistic dimension.

Hands down the best thing about this story is the characters. Usually at this point in the review I have to sigh and tell you that it was a fun book but the diversity was lacking. Fortunately for us Bardugo gives us a beautifully diverse cast of well rounded and compelling characters. Of the six main cast, only one is an able-bodied straight white man (I am making some assumptions about Matthias’ sexuality so you will have to forgive me) and in an age where I am still reeling from the Avenger’s lineup this crew was a breath of fresh air. Every single character comes out of the gate interesting, three-dimensional and just a delight to read. This book is constructed so that every chapter we switch point of view and I found myself excited to see how each character thought and reacted to the wild situations they ended up in. Also, the way Bardugo gets the reader to care deeply for her characters does a fantastic job in creating high stakes with real tension. I found myself holding my breath and flipping pages with much more force than necessary during some high stress scenes. Even the characters that were clearly not good people had me checking my moral compass from time to time and cheering for them anyway.

I think it’s also important to include how much I liked the writing style of this novel. Everything I listed above wouldn’t have been nearly as enjoyable if the flow and pacing of the writing were not enjoyable to me. This novel is written in a fairly typical YA style of fantasy, fast pace and dialogue heavy, which I loved. There was enough description that I never felt lost, but I also never got bogged down in details I didn’t care about. Bardugo also made a fun choice to break the book up into six parts and at the end of each part there are two full black pages with the part title. The first couple times I mostly ignored it, but when a character is in physical danger and you flip the page and it’s just black! That is a great use of your physical medium! I got chills.

I have one nit-pick that didn’t deeply affect this book’s rating, but could be a deal-breaker for other readers. First of all, this novel is the first in a duology and it does not stand on its own as a story. While the main conflict does get resolved, another plot starts in the last couple chapters and the story does not end at the end of the book. It is clear that a single story has been broken into two books and it came as a shock to me. Fortunately, unlike the poor suckers who read this when it came out in 2015 and had to wait a whole year for the sequel, I only have to wait about a week for my library to have it available. Still for people who want a stand alone book or enjoy when all of the books in a series have a neat and tidy ending, this is not the book for you.

The two things keeping this book from a perfect score were the fantasy racism and how the women were framed in this world. I am using the term ‘fantasy racism’ because there is systemic oppression in this fantasy world and that systemic oppression is a clear metaphor for real-life racism, but in the story the minority group is the one with magical powers and not an ethnic minority. Generally, I think this author did a good job at showing the damage institutionalized racism can do to specific countries and the world as a whole. What I did not enjoy was the sub-plot of one of the main cast (Matthias), who was a member of the highly bigoted ruling class of the most racist nation in this fantasy world, overcoming his racism not through critical thinking or learning to understand the value of lives that are different from his own, but rather because he fell in love. I am open to the idea of racists learning to respect the cultures they were prejudiced against and when done right can be a very powerful thing, but when romance is the key motivator it feels very hollow. Also I have trouble conceptualizing a woman of the minority group falling in love with someone who is literally a part of the military death squad in charge of hunting down her people (Nina I know he’s hot, but what the hell?). Either way, the idea of reforming a racist with the power of love is not a trope I enjoy in my media.

The second thing keeping this book from a perfect score is the treatment of the women characters. One thing I noticed early on is that nearly all of the women characters had been forced (either financially or physically) into prostitution or slavery. It makes the reader think that in this fantasy world the only places to find women are the brothels or in chains. This world is vibrant and full of so many interesting things and people, yet for women the world seems so very limited. I found myself disappointed that even in a novel written by a woman, a well loved character is described during the climax as ‘a half-naked girl in shreds of teal chiffon’. To be fair, I have read fantasy books that have done their women characters much, much dirtier, but it’s unnecessary and exhausting. I notice it even in small doses and I’m sick of it. Fortunately, neither of these issues I had with the novel got a ton of page-time and there was always something else going on that I could focus on, like the strong female friendships and the brilliant disabled protagonist.

Tldr; Overall, best book I’ve read in a long time. I couldn’t give it a 5/5 because of some issues in how the fantasy racism and women were handled, but I would still highly recommend this novel to anyone who likes fantasy stories, diverse characters and/or a really good heist.

~TideMod

#TideMod #book review #fantasy novel review #six of crows #soc #soc spoilers #spoilers #fantasy #heist #leigh bardugo

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autobuttonsanddeceptistitches · 4 years ago

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Viper’s Vengeance Chapter 3: Peril Among the Stars

Chapter 1

So, its been almost six months since I updated this story. Primus it feels like so long ago. I had so much going on in my life, I’m happy this is over, now I can start working on the next chapter!

Ten years since the incident. Program updating, systems operational, protocols online, activation, begin. The eternal darkness ended for the longest time. A figure stood there, bearing a skull for a face. Scanners indicating an unrecognizable soldier. Not of any origin. The prototype stared, a life hidden behind black glass, leaving worry in the samurai. Bludgeon stepped back, pointing a katana's tip at the symbol on the failure's chest.

“State your designation.” The mech ordered, leaving confusion on the Rattler.

No reply, instead, the machine pushed the sword away and walked towards the exit. The skeleton sneered, noticing the warnings going off all around them. “Alert, unknown enemy detected, alert.” Said in such calmness that didn't seem to care.

“You'd better prove yourself whatever your name is. I don't want to return to base with a defect for spare parts!” That seemed to trigger something in the dark blue mech's systems, and off he ran...

“Viper?” Her voice broke the processor's glitch. Viper blinked a few times, turning to face her. “Are you sure you're okay here? I do remember that your processor acts up in certain locations.” She reminded, glancing at the lights bringing the place back up into operation.

“This is where Cobra sealed me after my malfunction. Ten years after that, Luca revealed this location to Megatron. He grew impatient of the human's failures, so the human spat out this. Bludgeon found me right as an Autobot got too close to the area. Took care of Sideswipe, which was all that bone face needed to prove that I was worth the time.” Viper walked past the femme and towards a large machine. “Here, this is where my new life began.” The mech gave a swift kick, then tearing apart the rest of the stasis pod.

The femme ninja listened to the denting metal and shattering glass. Standing still as this continued for a bit. Yellow optics took notice of the interior, finding old forgotten machinery. No wonder Cobra dumped their failed prototype here. What was the first mission she took on in the Earth Wars? Ah yes, when she had to face Arcee who hid secret codes. Far simpler times, before the Prime Cores, Demigods, Deathsarus, GI Joe, and Cobra. Such insanity in a few short years. That voice in her helm kept repeating that confession, yet, she couldn't say. Why is it so difficult to talk?

She waited until Viper finished crushing the stasis machine apart. His wings flared, back hunched over. The snake got up, turning to face her. “I'm better now, sorry about that, there are some things I never want to see active again.” Viper trailed off, heading over to a big computer. “In this, it houses the answers I am seeking. From what I can know, this system has a lot of Cobra plans and projects. Bludgeon insisted that we leave this place soon so I could meet Megatron. I couldn't uncover its secrets at that moment. I want to know why Cobra created me, it's impossible for someone to come up with an insane idea. A whole organization going along with it. A robot soldier wearing the shell of a Rattler.” His bulky digits pressed on the small keyboard, being careful to ensure not to break the source of his past.

Words scrolled by which showed so many forgotten ideas. Nightbird listened to the swearing before tugging him aside. Then she typed it out herself. “I'll handle this, I'm used to tiny keys.” The Japanese fembot interjected, finding it to be easier for her to do this. Odd, nothing on Viper, yet the name Rattler and Transformer did appear a few times.

After a bit of digging around, a file appeared with top secret reports. The two read through them, both taking it all in. How could the American government know so much about Cybertronian technology? Its documentation came thirty years before the Autobots and Decepticons arrived to Earth. It didn't make any sense, nor the live specimen documented. The identity lost, making it difficult to guess who would give up their body for them to research.

Viper took a while to say anything, left in silence over all the materials they read. “Those documents, they must've been the blueprints Cobra used to create me... Nightbird, can you find anything about who wrote this?” He whispered, optics glued to the screen as they found a picture file.

A bunch of humans, all posed by a piece of machinery that appeared advanced for the time based on their clothes. Some men and women, all in Triple-I: Intelligence and Information Institute. Nightbird typed around a few files, noticing how their names appeared.

“I recognize some of them from my collected memories, and all their names are in the files. They're the ones behind how Cobra created you.” She trailed off, yellow optics glanced at the dark blue mech. He stared at the humans in their thirty year old days.

“Do you know where they are now?” Viper came up to the screen, taking in the details.

“A quick search on the internet gave me everything I needed, oh how clumsy they are to use this 'social media'. I assume this was a long forgotten program, happened in North Dakota, August 16th, 1986. No one knows of this as they retired from the military. All this time, America had access to those of the stars. Why do you ask?”

“I may have killed my creators, but knowing this, I cannot let more of me be born by their hands. I'm not yet done with my thirst for revenge. Nightbird, I'd suggest you go back with the others. There's a high risk that I will die once this task is complete. All hiding in America and other parts, they forget, not knowing that their pasts will haunt them once again.” The mech copied the data, making the best route based on where the humans live. They'll all pay for their foolishness. Their thirst for eternal knowledge will destroy them.

Nightbird held his shoulder, her optics narrowed. “Its not easy to complete a task solo. I'll come along, you've already shown me your second birthplace. Before you complain about how I can't because of the water, I'll find my ways. Where are you heading first?”

“Los Palmos Observatory, located in Texas close to Mexico. Two of the scientists at the Triple I worked at North Dakota. They wrote a bit about Cybertronians ability to travel through the stars. Nothing too major, but its a start. Think your tires can handle that? Its farther than from here back to base at Arizona.” He chuckled, wings twitching and ready to leave this trash heap.

“Sounds good, will meet you there when I can. Take care Viper, we're going to be dancing with death soon.” She flipped her body, transforming and driving out of the hidden base.

Why is she so intent on helping him? All the dark blue jet knew is that he's the only Cybertronian created by humans. Viper waited till she's far away to dim the computer's screen. He turned to stare at the scar embedded into his helmet and face. Primus he felt tired, unsure what to think knowing how right she is. Its a suicide mission to enrage the American government and the Autobots, but this has to happen. Taking a few deep vents, the mech connected a few cables to his helmet and lied down. Gotta leave one last present to those who documented the creation...

Data, so many pieces swirled around the unconscious mind. Downloading into his helm, awakening those old memories that most forgot. Humanity stole the gift of those from the stars. Living aliens, mastering the ability to change shape. Documenting entire histories far before the first man sharpened a rock. Yet, as Viper continued this, strange images began to form. Among them, the complete blueprints of the Rattler Transforming Soldier. Bright blue optics widened, noticing something wrong. It has no face underneath the visor and mouthplate... The Decepticon stared, before touching his own mouthplate and broken visor. The dates don't add up, these can't be the complete ones! He stared before deleting the information once its registered into his helm.

After a while going through the tediousness, its over now. Viper forced his processor out of this self inflicted slumber. Now no one can look up those old documents anymore. No human deserves to know the existence of Cybertronian life, not if they gave birth to imitations. Those who are fakes, that shamed upon. Yet, that empty face remained etched into his optics. More questions came than answers, leaving the mech in silence. As the snake got out of his forced slumber, he noticed an acid gun lying by his side. The same weapon left behind after Cobra's demise. Fingers touched the aged metal, knowing how good it is to wield this old weapon once more. Must've been a gift from Nightbird, who seemed to get it all fixed up. “Canary, I'll figure out why you hide so much from me.” Came a chuckle, before he got out of the old place once again.

Back in the harsh sunlight, why is the western coast so darn hot? No wonder there isn't that much greenery around here. Why couldn't the Decepticons set up a base somewhere nice? Rather than the remains of human activity. Still, the images he saw made his tanks clench. How could those blueprints show no face? Processor in a daze, forgetting Nightbird as she drove beneath him. They traveled across the shadows of the canyons once leaving civilization. So many lives passing by, children at a school, people buying at stores, watching movies. Oh the movies; such strange concepts that Cybertronians never got into until the war. Easiest way to document any traitors or secret plans. That's from what he recalled listening to the others when they got overcharged off their afts.

Oh what fun times to hear the cheery voices that everyone gave out after a successful raid. Also when a new bot comes over from wherever. Moon, Earth, any planet, depends on if they're liked among the others to care. Why is Earth such a gathering place for these guys? There are other planets too, yet they stay on what they called the 'dirtball'. Viper never felt right to call his home the dirtball. This planet is where his creators got the materials to create him. The mech exhaled, noticing how the Sun began to set. The yellow sphere that rotates around this planet. Cybertron didn't have any light up above, nor any oxygen. Three moons which the Autobots claimed as their own. The Rattler remembered how happy he felt to be on the metal moon, that its the home far away from home. Due to their technology, both could move across the deserts further than a regular car on a road trip. The suburban family riding out to somewhere like Palm Springs or Las Vegas.

It took a long time to travel from California to Texas. Baking in the hot sun never helped his mood as music kept playing from his radio. A lot of Spanish songs, getting closer to the border. What a strange choice for an advanced observatory's location, but no matter what. They'll be the first to pay for their crimes. Down below, a stylish black and white car drove on the road. Nightbird is quite durable, but that makes sense for everyone. Cybertronians are able to handle the heat. Viper’s quite lucky that he won’t have to endure any pain in the Summer warmth. Still nothing back from Megatron or the rest of his soldiers. Its good, no reason to worry as he must’ve taken the request for a break for granted. Never easy to obliterate an entire army by oneself. The rest of the flight is a blank, with the dust devils coming and going. Once the mission is over, he’ll try to visit Tijuana to eat some barbecued iguana. Whatever that may taste like.

The misery ended in the night sky’s greeting. A lone observatory lay still, lens continuing to observe what may be out there. Los Palmos has seen better days, forgotten to the world beyond the science community. Hiding a sin, that desire to find life beyond the Earth. Two life forms detected in the scanners, the files state for them to be Jack and Sue Richards. Two astronomers who’ve spent long lives exploring across the world. To the most exotic places for the greatest lens to observe the distant nebulae. Before their journeys, they accepted being members of the Triple I, which meant a piece of his birth. Los Palmos is their home, far up in the mountains that could show much more of the desert had the sun blessed them.

Viper landed on the rocky top, bright blue optics stared for a long time. His turbines slowed down to reduce the heavy noises. Acid gun clenched in a firm hold. So, this is how revenge grows, to slaughter them, their work is the reason he grew in the Cobra’s nest. To awaken as an abomination, there is nothing left they can give to the Earth that will matter. Time’s left them old and weak. No matter how old or young, its time to never return from the path he once stepped on. Their intense craving will be their undoing, thirty years later.

Sue finished another cup of coffee, heavy bags underneath those brown eyes. Weary eyes glanced up to the old photographs of so many places she once been to. Jack is nearby, back to work on their favorite machinery. A telescope meant their lives, the reason Triple I came to them with their suggestions. To work with them for extra payment and free vacations, oh how perfect it seemed to be. Until that one day… Sue waited for the drink to kick in, an influence rushing through weakened veins. No longer a thought about what may come next, unless it’d be an old family member or friend. Their nephew, an old photo showed said child gripping a diploma while enveloped in blues. “Its been a good life, hasn’t it Jack?”

A man stepped away from the large telescope, coming down to her. “Are you thinking about the Grim Reaper again?”

“Why would I dream of a snake bearing those dark ominous robes?”

“Sue, you should cut the caffeine out, the doc did say it’ll influence your medication.”

“But, we still need to record a few more sights. Los Palmos is our home. I miss those days, and I wished we never got involved with Triple I. To know that aliens exist, to hide that from everyone.” The woman trailed off, taking a large gulp. A nearby candle burned among the heavy lights above which gave light to this dark dome. Silence, a gentle breeze brushing the exterior as always, a hope to bury away the past.

Nightbird transformed, finding Viper standing still. “Once I begin, I cannot go back. Think of your choice Nightbird, I know the consequences of my actions.” He came closer to the observatory as the ninja watched, remaining still.

The Cobra prototype slammed his body against the large building, causing it to shake. He rammed into it a few more times, breaking away the concrete and storming into the building. Something shattered, it must be where they are! Viper prowled into the hallway, kneeling down to ensure he wouldn’t damage his wings.

Sue and Jack ran, a broken mug lay on the floor as the alarms blared. A large shadow emerged from a hallway, causing them to hide in a spare room. Lying on the walls were a few guns, a pitiful attempt to save themselves, but what else could they rely on? Faraway help? They waited in the darkness, holding onto each other and weapons as their ears rang. Hearts racing faster once seeing blue staring back at them.

“Sue and Jack Richards, Triple I, you've chosen a grave mistake for both Cybertronians, and me. The atonement is death.”

Sue fired a few shots at the mech's face, each bullet bouncing off of the mouthplate. The gun slipped from shaking hands, as Jack tried firing back, but with no effect. “Please, don’t do this! We have a nephew who always visits us!” Sue gripped her husband’s jacket, tears coming down the wrinkled face.

“Then he’ll understand.” He aimed the gun, shooting the two with a powerful blast of acid. Emotion drained from blue optics as they screamed. Bodies melting down into puddles of decaying flesh. A rush of energy came to the mech once hearing nothing but alarms. Without warning, he tore through more of the observatory. Acid gun put to use getting rid of everything. “What do you think Cobra Commander!? Do you believe me to be a failure now!?” His roar echoed through the bleak sky.

Nightbird remained still, staring as the building melted into concrete and steel puddles. Yellow noticed the mech walking up to her. She stared up at his optics, finding nothing but a blank blue. “We need to leave before the humans get here.” The femme transformed, driving across the mountain range.

Viper glanced back before running over to the edge of the cliffside and transforming. Soaring through the darkened canyon, dark blue blending in with the darkened oranges. That’s it, no way back once the candle burned bright. A flame that will never die. The flier followed yellow headlights as she swerved across the mountain's paths. In the distance, bright red and blue lights glowed through a known road. ::We’ll need to find a place to hide, I can see the humans coming this way!:: He messaged her.

::I’ll find my way down, we can’t hide here! Go get to somewhere safe and message me when you do!:: She kept driving, never speaking as the Rattler vanished in the night sky.

The ninja femme touched the ground, sprinting away before the vehicles could find her. On the enhanced tires, she didn’t strain under the pressure. A rush of wind graced her back, must've been the human vehicles driving by. So they were going that way too. Nightbird stared at the large puffs of smoke from what remained of the building. Viper did this, but its for a greater good, was it?

After roaming through the darkness, she’d soon slip into a hidden cave. She took a few minutes to relax, then noticed a small fire in the larger part. Nightbird crawled in, finding Viper illuminated by the reds and oranges. Blue optics staring up at an opening in the ceiling.

“I got worried the humans found you.” Not a sign of damage on him, so strange since he’d went through a mess earlier. A bit dusty, but nothing wrong with that. She sat down on the other side, tossing him a cube.

“They’re not meant for speed, they're for emergencies. I’m amazed at how fast they were to arrive, we need to find the best time to get out of here.” The femme leaned back, exhaling a deep vent. “We’ll need to wait until the event dies down before we can head over to our next destination. Do you know where we will go?”

“I’m thinking about it, since the other targets are in further parts of America.” He brushed off the dust, blue optics glimmered alongside the fire burning bright. “You’d better get some rest, you’ve been driving everywhere to tag along with me. I’ll make sure nothing happens.” Viper waited, putting his gun down.

“What about you? Weren't you the one who destroyed the observatory in one swoop? I'm sure none of them will find us, they're too concerned about the two who died. How many more do we need to hunt down?”

“A few more, they kept it a secret. The document states how eight made contact with the Cybertronian on that fateful day. Two are dead, leaving the rest still hiding in their regular lives. Most are in America, yet two aren't. We'll find them, but must keep secret, because the Autobots will find out.”

“But once its over, we'll return to the others, won't we?”

“Depends on if I can survive long enough. But, if I do die, then I will be okay with that once their dead. I do wonder though, will I go to the Allspark? I am human made, wouldn't Primus consider me to not be one of his? It makes me wonder if there is an afterlife for me.” He opened his chest, showing the lack of a Spark.

“I'm sure there is, don't you remember what Starscream said? He saw something after death, and is alive with us now to tell us.”

“He wouldn't stop talking about it, after the death of Unicron.” Viper looked up, hearing the sirens get louder. “Looks like its time to rest.” The mech grabbed a clump of dirt, dropping it over the flames and letting them die down. “We leave as soon as the morning comes.” He lay down, dimming the lights on his armor and entering into a soft recharge, closing the chest.

Nightbird stared before following his orders. She kept to the shadows as the investigation began further away from them. “Six more, you're quite risky to do this.” Came a soft chuckle before joining him in the rest.

Darkness, that's how life begins, doesn't it? Something strange is happening. Whirling machinery, a rush of Energon, dripping, praying, is this where life comes from? Its quiet, what is this? A dream? But, I can't have dreams, I'm not real...

Someone's calling for a name? What is this name? Who's name is it? Why can I hear it? I don't remember it...

My optics opened up, I don't remember this. I'm not at the Cobra base? Its some sort of lab, but not one I recognize. I sat up, taking in my surroundings. Its all Cybertronian, no sign of humanity's work. What's going on? My helm moved down to my body, no. Its not mine! I got off the table, shaking before finding other mechs staring at me. All seemed to be joyous at the sight of my movements. Some came closer to me, speaking about their troubles and what they hope my awakening will mean. If I can concentrate enough, I should be able to move, or speak. Why can't I do this? My controls are gone, I'm lost in this mech's body. Why aren't I scared? This is a dream, I'll wake up when my processor decides to. But, pure Cybertronians can dream, I'm a fake, I can't dream.

A mech came up to me, bearing blue and white armor, a grand smile on his face. He seemed to be talking, but under deaf audio receptors.

Everything flashed white, I now faced an open door to Cybertron? Its golden, much like the mysterious cities of gold on Earth. Cybertronians walked in the streets, speaking among themselves. None bore any symbols, speaking of their lives. I watched this dream run far from the door, exploring this new world. Life, I felt alive, that this was me. No, what I saw wasn't who I am. I will wake up, then forget. Yet, I wished I lived in this Cybertron before the war. Everyone's in union, its so different compared to the one I stepped upon. Gold glimmered alongside the orange lights. If I was human, I would've shed tears upon sight of this marvelous wonder.

Another flash, taking me away from the rushing views, I'm staring up at the stars in some sort of crystal garden? Its so beautiful, much like the sky when I first awoke. They glimmered among the stars, leading me to wondering why I'm here. Then, someone came into view. She stared at me, or this body I'm residing within. A rush of something came back, I couldn't recall why I felt this way, yet, I wanted it to last forever. The femme spoke to me, yet I couldn't hear what the words meant. I wanted to know what this meant, it hurt so much. She's... pretty, I like how she looks in those soft colors. She smiled, cupping this body's cheek, meaning no visor or mouthplate. But, it faded away to white... Wait, don't go! I want to know who you are, who this body belongs too. I'm not real, I'm an imitation... Please, stay...

Blue lights came back online, finding himself in the cave. Nightbird is still asleep, a dream. Yet, what was it about? What body did he see himself in? He lowered his helm, noticing the sounds of sirens are gone. They must've chose to wait for the morning to inspect for the damage. Optics inspected the opening of the cave above, finding glimpses of morning. Its' time to go. He crawled over to the femme, holding her shoulder.

“Wake up Canary, we've got to go before they find us.” He muttered, causing her to stir.

“Ah, so they're gone?”

“Yep, we don't have to worry about them for a while. Gotta get going now before they come back. Our next stop is over in Florida, so I hope you brought your sunscreen.” Viper chuckled, earning a glare from the femme.

“Don't make me report you in for that.” Said with a playful gesture before leaping up onto the ground above.

Viper jumped up as well, soon the two were off again on their long journey. Yet, in this morning light, it brought back the sight of Cybertron when it bore gold. At first, it wasn't good to dwell on strange dreams, yet, now, he wanted it more. How he craved to step into that other mech's life, how he wished it was his. But, life proved to be cold and cruel, leaving him to lash at those who lost trust. Yet, Nightbird so far, she seemed nice, but no one can tell if a ninja has other motives until revealed later. For now, its best to keep his guard up, and prepare himself for the next target of his past.

#Transformers #Transformers Earth Wars #Earth Wars #Viper #Nightbird #Writing #Fanfiction #Fanfic #macadams #Story #TF #Viper's Vengeance

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chaniters · 6 years ago

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Second Thoughts

FH Fanfic 2

A continuation of the last short fanfic, spoilers as well this time, no action scenes but some angst!

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Second Thoughts

You can’t but feel a great weight lifted from your shoulders. Mama Ortega is safe. The Cartel is ruthless and violent but is also the most powerful organization on both sides of the Mexican border since the great quake. And they think she’s part of the family.

Since they switched their focus from crime to dealing with the hero-drugs and boosts they’ve gained one of the greatest super-powered armies in the continent, and the farm can’t compete with that without the aid of the Army. And they’d never admit their precious experiments escaped and are wreaking havoc.

“I don’t like this” Ortega says at last. He’s been behind the wheel driving your jeep for 30 minutes trough hidden roads on your way back and not a word until now.

“It’s for the best. She’ll be safe here.”

“I know… it’s just… I don’t like leaving her here with all these criminals”

“You’ve got to have laws in the first place to have criminals. And the Cartel is the law here since the collapse. No one can mess with them, nor the Mexican government nor the West Coast Government. I’m not even sure the army could stop them now without a full-scale war”

“All those unstable mods… almost everything in there would be illegal outside this patch of insanity”

“You can visit anytime you want. They think you’ a cousin too”

“Fabulous. Being part of the Cartel. What I always wanted. Maybe they’ll invite me the next time they want to canoodle with the Catastrofiend.”

“You know what we're up against Ricardo.” You reply with your arms crossed. “This is the only way to make sure she’s safe”

“Yeah…” there’s a bitterness in his voice. You feel your heart sink.

It’s been rough these past weeks. Ever since the farm attacked and Ortega found out the whole picture you’ve been on the run. Temporary bases, hideouts. Charge’s reputation was obviously ruined when the media saw him and Retribution fighting together against the brotherhood. The Rangers got a lot of flak about that too.

Your main concern was Ortega’s mother tough. You always knew what they were capable of and she would be a perfect target to get to the both of you.

“I just can’t figure out why didn’t you tell me back then. We could have helped you know?”

“I didn’t know whom to trust. And it would have just made your targets back then”

“Yes, and all the lying worked out so well in the end, didn’t it?”

“I’m sorry” You look down biting your lip. “You know… we can put an end to this Ricardo.”

“Oh for the love of… not this again” he rolls his eyes

“I’m serious. You hand me over to the authorities, say I controlled your mind and forced you to do all this crap. You’ll be a hero again”

“Yeah right play the martyr… Like they’d even believe something like that. I’m immune to telepathy remember ?” He glares at you

"Yes, but I’m well beyond alpha level. They can’t tell what i can or cannot do!

He grumbles, exasperated "I already told you that’s not going to happen!

“Bu…”

“End of discussion!” he yells at you.

You stay silent for a few moments, but you can’t help bring it up again “But this wasn’t supposed to happen! This is my fight. I don’t see why you have to suffer for it. I already did enough damage as Retribution.”

He doesn’t answer and instead just keeps driving, stepping harder on the accelerator. The rest of the trip is silent. You don’t need to be a telepath to realize he’s probably in the foulest mood you’ve ever seen since you first met him.

-a few hours later-

After 20 minutes you finish your scan of the motel. You're taking no chances, and need to be thorough.

“It’s safe,” you say at last.

Ortega nods, and you both get off the jeep with your bags and do the check-in. It’ll be a long way back from Sinaloa back to Los Angeles. Should be about 22 hours drive, but in the state of disrepair the roads have been since the quakes made the area a complete nightmare and your need for unmonitored paths, it’s tricky telling how many days on the road you’ll need.

Only a double bed is available which would have made you blush in the path, but it’s nothing special right now. Ortega has been distant, silent and grumpier lately.

He just puts his bags on the side as he enters the room first and goes straight for the bathroom. You hear the shower going a moment after.

You fall on the bed and make yourself as small as possible feeling like shit while you wait your turn to shower. At least you both agreed from the beginning on who’s to blame about the whole situation.

The last few days have been so exhausting. You keep using your powers at every turn to make sure you're safe. All your plans have been altered since you need to include two for everything now. And Ortega’s not used to being a runaway which is a constant danger. But at least you don’t have to worry about Eden or Ortega’s mother too now.

You’ve gone overboard to ensure their safety but you know there’s no such thing. No, not really. And the price isn’t even yet paid in full.

The little voice creeps its way into your mind once more. It’s sweet but tastes of blood. " You’ve just handed his mom to the cartel you know? How could he ever forgive you?" and the punchlines don’t take long “It’d be better if you weren’t around”. “Maybe you should just hand yourself over. Wait until you can be sure he’s in the clear and get it all over with. Restore things to what they were and leave it all behind”

Misery and self-pity are interrupted however as Ortega emerges from a cloud of vapor from the bathroom, wearing only a towel. You sigh, stand up and walk past him with your own towel, again not a word. You can’t even look at him, the guilt is like a bag of bricks on your stomach.

The water runs hot. Very Hot, but you don’t change the temperature. Ortega was obsessed about your Tattoos at first which made you feel an awkward panic sensation every time he looked at them. It’s gotten to the point where you can tolerate it, but him seeing them now that he also happens to be mad at you is beyond your worst nightmares. You always expected anyone who saw them jump at your neck for being a filthy re-gene or a pathetic human-wannabee, but having an actual angry human see them is just too much…

You dry yourself without looking at the mirror, then slide onto your pajamas covering most of the tattoos. Obviously, he knows they're still there, but him not actually seeing them is a bit less scary.

Lights are out when you walk out of the bathroom and he’s in bed already. Fine… this is even better, you don’t want to argue and upset him again. Maybe if you just keep your mouth shut he’ll wake up in a better mood.

You enter the bed, and can’t help touching him lightly, but quickly move to your side trying not to intrude on his. He doesn’t seem to wake up. You gaze at him, with his closed eyes for a moment, then close yours as well.

If you don’t get some sleep you won’t be able to drive tomorrow and it’s your turn. You let your mind drift…

—intermission—

Cold metal in your mouth. His eyes tell you to do it and you can’t resist. Then… he… it…. turns… turns into Ortega… Ortega looks at you with disapproval and nods. He wants you to do it as well. His glare is so cold He won’t stop you from doing it this time. In fact, he'd be glad if you did. It’s time. You pull the trigger. You hear the sound of your gun go off… You are falling. Falling down the window again. You see the ground closing up. Hopefully, it will put an end to everything.

----Intermission—

“Hey. Hey Cyrus. Can you hear me?”

You struggle and gasp for air. As you open your eyes you notice Ortega right next to you staring intensely. He’s… concerned?

You notice your body is shivering uncontrollably. But he has a warm arm wrapped around you tightly. He’s very close. So close.

“Are you ok? It’s just a dream. You're safe”.

You gaze back at him, still shivering. You realize he’s touching you. Touching your skin. Without nanomesh or costumes. That just makes you shiver even more.

“Hey… hey, it’s ok. I’m here. Nothing’s wrong”

It does work. You manage to look back at him and your body seems to regain some sort of composure.

“I’m sorry Ricardo. For all of it. I’m a piece of shit. It's my fault that all of this is happening. I swear I’ll make it right. I’ll make it right!” Your eyes are full of tears.

“Cyrus stop apologizing already. I’m the one who chose to come with you remember ?” He takes a deep breath. “I’m just mad at all that’s happening. I’m mad at the government, I’m mad at myself, I’m mad about having to leave my mom there, and I’m mad at those homicidal freaks you call brothers and sisters, and yes I’m also mad at YOU because YOU are a pathological liar”

“I’m sorry” you whimper pathetically

“Stop. Apologizing” He says with a serious tone. “I’m not an idiot. I knew you had a secret, and I knew it would probably be horrible when you revealed it. We’ve been a team for a long time, it was obvious something was cooking up. I’m just… Look I had a lot of scenarios in my mind and none of this is what I expected.”

You just nod. Yes, who could blame him for not expecting his crush not to be human?

“But… I understand it now that you’ve come clean. I can’t even begin to figure out all the crap you’ve been through Cyrus. And I realize you're saving me a lot of the worse details. And I understand why you’ doing this, and that’s why I joined you ok?” he adds “I’m not going to tell you I’m happy about any of this. I keep feeling like I’m going to lose it. But we are going to keep it together, and YOU are not going to fall apart, ok?”

You listen to every word and nod slowly in the end.

“Now get some sleep, will you? We need to get a lot of stuff done and we won’t get to it if we can’t make a good time to Los Diablo and I haven’t forgotten It’s your turn to drive.”

You manage a weak smile. He notices and returns a smile of his own.

You pull in closer. He holds you tighter. You both kiss. You close your eyes You feel safe. Uncomfortable but safe, sleeping this close together is too hot and not pleasant at all, you wonder how they do it in the movies. But you are both too tired and fall asleep anyways. Cramps and sweat will be a problem for your future selves

The rest of the night you spend in a strange new dream you’ve never had before. You are looking for something or someone in a strange labyrinth full of turns and doors. When you finally find a center there turns out to be a mirror there, but you can’t see your reflection on it. No one can.

Meanwhile, Ortega couldn't sleep at all, his mind still racing with questions about you.

.................................

My Fanfics: https://chaniters.tumblr.com/post/181692759294/my-fanfiction-for-fallen-hero

Previous chapter: https://chaniters.tumblr.com/post/180182784039/fh-fanfic-mc-ortega

Next chapter: https://chaniters.tumblr.com/post/180367791684/fanfic-3-fallen-hero-chargestep

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction using characters and the setting of the Fallen Hero: Rebirth and upcoming Fallen Hero: Retribution games written by Malin Riden. I do not claim ownership of any characters from the Fallen Hero wold. These stories are a work of my imagination, and I do not ascribe them to the official story canon. These works are intended for entertainment outside the official storyline owned by the author. I am not profiting financially from the creation of these stories, and thank the author for her wonderful game/s, without which these works would not exist.

#fallen hero: rebirth #fallen hero spoilers #mc #ortega #fanfic #Fallen hero

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canvaswolfdoll · 5 years ago

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CanvasWatches: Kill la Kill

Well, I’m more than five years late to this series. Probably the most egregious tragedy of my ‘Dubs Only’ policy, since the series never came to the Mighty Santa Clara County Library, and it took forever for Netflix to pick up the series, and years more for them to finally add the dub, then I had to find time amongst all the other things I was watching and things to do, then when I finally did have time, Netflix dropped it.[1]

Fortunately, it’s one of the limited dubs CrunchyRoll deigned to have. Not that they want to make it easy to find dubs...

Fortunately there’s a spreadsheet.

Anyways, I do have Amazon Prime, which means I have Twitch Prime, which means i get the most random free things.[2] Recently, that includes a month of Crunchyroll… premium I think is the nomenclature? Which is weird, since Amazon is also attempting to get in the anime market, and somehow doing worse than Netflix, so that they’d send traffic to a competitor is curious.[4]

Anyways, Crunchyroll also has the Konosuba dub, so that’s next.

Was I doing something besides complaining about anime streaming…

Oh, right.

Kill la kill.

Spoilers!

What do I have to say about Kill la Kill? To be honest, I’m not sure. I loved the series. To thread-sundering bits. If I were capable of such things, it would easily be included in my Best of Anime list.

But that’s also the problem. Imperfect works have things to nitpick and analyse and imagine improvements. Kill la Kill is the sort of series that even the imperfections are built into making the whole better.

And it has been analyzed and loved for five-plus years. What can I possibly say that hasn’t been said by countless, more articulate and educated voices?

Besides “ignore what looks like blatant pandering and watch it”?

I could do a navel gaze consideration of fanservice, but I’m not comfortable with addressing such a fraught topic in the public sphere yet.

Seriously, though, it’s super anime goodness. If you like Anime, you owe it to yourself to watch Kill la Kill.

Kill la Kill is another piece of media that psyches me up to create. It’s unabashed, goofy, and you can feel how everyone involved was just having fun. It doesn’t just impress you with the skill and creative output, it makes you feel like you can do this, too.

While I’ve always been interested in animation, my creative focus has always been towards writing[5] and comics, Kill la Kill was the first time I yearned to make animation.

The show looked at its limitations and found ways to make corner cuts work to make the whole better. Stilted, static shots and cuts are used for drama and comedy. The first shot that really blew me away was an early episode where protagonist Ryuko caught her friend Mako, and moved the girl to her feet, the whole time Mako remained stiff. It was hilarious, and not cost or labor intensive, but it made the scene better. Such artistic decisions pepper the frantic animation, and I loved every use.

The animation alone is worth the price of admission.

The narrative also was fun. Though, I must admit, as is often the case, when the show had to buckle down a tad bit to tell its big story, I found myself wistful for the early, episodic tales.

The initial premise is a good formula: troublemaker Ryuko arrives at Honnouji Academy, ruled by the despotic fist of Satsuki Kiryuin, and the two come in conflict. Ryuko gets a sentient sailor uniform, which transforms and grants Ryuko powers. Now Ryyuko must fight her way through the school hierarchy to face Satsuki and get answers.

The first three episodes focus on combat (though one of those is in the form of a tennis match), which would’ve worn thin eventually. Episode four, however, is when I went from ‘This is fun’ to ‘I can watch this forever’.

Ryuko, faced with needing to reach the school on time or face expulsion, must get herself, Mako, and a random third classmate through an egregiously dangerous obstacle course and uphill. And the entire episode is rambunctious, Loony Toons shenanigans that I kind of wish would’ve been a multiparter.

If the entire series was Ryuko having to face down numerous challenges that would be normally mundane, but are here supercharged into hilarious excess, I would’ve been quite happy.

Eventually, however, the main plot had to take over.

(Twists and big spoilers follow. Please watch this show.)

The show never really loses its absurdity. The Big Evil turns out to be the concept of clothing, as a giant, sentient cloud of thread elevated humanity’s evolution and inspired us to wear clothes, so we’ll be primed in a few generations to be consumed by clothes to allow reproduction.

And Satsuki’s Mom is in charge of making this happen.

Thus the good guy contingent are a bunch of nudists with mecha technology trying to resist this.

Like, the series justifies everything in the world, but the world’s also insane, to the point the battle cry of the heroes becomes essentially ‘Things are crazy, so let’s be crazy.’ And it never falls to sincere drama, just an ever climbing series of absurdities one-upping the last absurdity. And it’s so fun to just go along with the ride.

But it also makes it difficult to be committed to the big narrative. It’s a joke. A funny joke, but lacks the structure for the audience to be committed to the story.

Committed to the characters, yes. Besides Satsuki’s mother, everyone is very likeable and fun, and said mother’s only reason for not being among them is she’s too tied to the main Arc to be full blast absurd like the rest.

I would’ve preferred if the scale stayed small. Just Ryuko battling to the top of Honnouji Academy, the staff experimenting with all the absurd things they can do with the formula, but I can’t say the show they did produced wasn’t fun.

I like Kill la Kill. I’d happily watch it again someday. It’s good to pump you up and make you go out and accomplish something.

Even if that something is possibly streaking. Kill la Kill has a weird relationship with clothes.

If you want more of my hot-blood-fueled works, might I suggest supporting my Patreon? You’ll get early access to things I make, and help support a creative person doing creative things. Like a podcast, someday, hopefully.

Thanks for reading.

Kataal kataal.

---

[1] Then re-add it after I finished it. Dang you, Netflix, making me look like a fool! [2] Waiting to get my own Switch before I use the free months of Nintendo Online. And I’m waiting to see if the rumors about updated models coming bear fruit.[3] [3] Adulthood involves a lot of careful planning for leisure. Don’t grow up. [4] Current rankings is Funimation > Netflix > Crunchyroll (poor Dub attitude) > Amazon (Horrible cataloguing). I haven’t gotten HiDive yet, but I’m excited to try it! [5] Ever since second grade, when I looked at a picture I drew and thought ‘Oh, I’m bad at this. I better be a writer instead!’

#CanvasWatches #kill la kill #anime #CanvasReviews

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oxmarble28-blog · 6 years ago

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Vegan arancini (Italian rice balls) – in the air fryer or oven

Vegan arancini does the impossible. It makes leftovers every bit as good as the original dish.

These Italian rice balls are made by forming cold risotto into balls, rolling them in panko bread crumbs, and then cooking them in the air fryer or oven.

With a crisp exterior and warm, melty risotto interior, they’re endlessly dreamy. Serve as an appetizer or entrée.

Leftovers are convenient. They’re quick. But usually they don’t live up to the original in terms of texture.

It reminds me of one of my favorite scenes in 30 Rock, regarding pizza…

Devon Banks: You know, revenge is a dish best served cold, Jack. Like sashimi, or pizza.

Jack Donaghy: You prefer cold pizza?

Devon Banks: The morning after? It’s the best.

Jack Donaghy: Better than hot pizza? That’s insane.

Devon Banks: You don’t tell me what kind of pizza to like!

I’ve got to agree with Jack that pizza is at its best when it’s fresh and hot… But there is a notable exception to the leftovers rule… Arancini.

Arancini are Italian rice balls made with leftover risotto. This Sicilian street food is coated in breadcrumbs, and usually fried. That gives them a crisp outside. Then you bite through to melty risotto inside.

Between creamy vegan risotto and arancini, I would be hard pressed to decide which one I like best. But luckily, choosing is completely unnecessary!

First, you can enjoy creamy vegan risotto with mushrooms and seitan sausage. Then pop the leftovers into the refrigerator. A day or two later, roll the cold risotto into rice balls to enjoy them anew.

Arancini means “little orange” in Italian. It’s a reference to their size, shape, and color. But the arancini I made in this recipe are closer to the size of tangerines. (Other shapes of arancini are popular depending on the region.)

Usually arancini is made by forming a rice ball with leftover risotto, and then tucking mozzarella cheese into the middle. Then the rice ball is rolled in flour, dunked into egg wash, and finished with breadcrumbs.

Since this is a vegan arancini recipe, obviously I’ve made a few changes.

First, my risotto recipe already includes mushrooms and bites of seitan sausage. So adding non-dairy mozzarella seemed an unnecessary addition. However, if you feel like adding some vegan cheese, go for it! I can’t imagine it would hurt anything.

Second, I skipped the flour and egg steps altogether. Cashew cream is sometimes used as an alternative to egg wash in recipes that involve a fried coating. It’s thick & sticky, making it easy to pick up breadcrumbs afterwards.

Since my risotto recipe already involves adding cashew cream at the end, that step is done. So the risotto is sticky enough without adding another step.

How to make vegan arancini in the air fryer or oven

Start with cold risotto that has been in the refrigerator for a day or two. The risotto will have thickened and condensed in the refrigerator.

Use your hands to make a ball of risotto, about the size of a tangerine. A ¼ cup measure will make just the right size.

If any of your mushroom slices are too large to stick on the outside, you have a couple of options. Push them to the inside of the ball and stick more rice on the outside. Or cut down any overly large mushrooms into smaller pieces. For the most part, this shouldn’t be a problem, though.

One full batch of creamy vegan risotto will make about 12 rice balls. Adjust accordingly, depending on how much leftover risotto you’re using.

Next, roll the balls in panko bread crumbs that have been seasoned with granulated onion, salt, and pepper. You can add more seasonings if you like, but keep in mind that the risotto already includes thyme and rosemary.

Now it’s time to cook the arancini! Traditionally, they would be fried in oil. Today we’re going to cook them in the oven or air fryer.

Air fryer arancini

To air fry the arancini, put the balls in a single layer in the air fryer basket. You don’t want the basket to be overly full, because they won’t brown as nicely.

In a 3.7 quart air fryer basket, about 6 arancini fit perfectly. So you’ll need to cook in batches.

Spray the risotto balls with oil. Then air fry at 400 degrees for 10 minutes. The arancini will start browning at about 8 minutes. They will just keep getting more golden.

Keep your eye on them, so that they don’t burn. But obviously, browner is better. So don’t pull them out too early either.

While the arancini is air frying, don’t move them. They brown nicer and the shape is better if they stay in one place, as opposed to rotating them.

Baked arancini in the oven

To bake the arancini, line a baking sheet with parchment paper. Line the rice balls across the sheet. Spray with oil. Bake at 425 degrees for 30 to 35 minutes.

While they are cooking, don’t move the arancini. They brown nicer and the shape is better if they stay in one place, as opposed to rotating them.

Be warned: The risotto will be molten hot on the inside. But they are so gooey and perfect, it’s hard to wait to take a bite. Serve with warmed marinara for dipping.

Cadry Nelson

12 Italian rice balls (vegan arancini)

Vegan arancini (Italian rice balls) – in the air fryer or oven

It doesn't get dreamier than vegan arancini. Crispy on the outside, melty & gooey on the inside. Made with cold risotto, leftovers have never been this good! Bake in the oven or air fryer.

15 minPrep Time

10 minCook Time

25 minTotal Time

5 based on 2 review(s)

Ingredients

Instructions

If you plan to bake the arancini in the oven, preheat to 425 degrees. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper. If you're planning to use the air fryer, skip this step.

Form a rice ball in your hands using about 1/4 cup of cold vegan risotto. Keep forming balls until you have finished all of the risotto. (One full batch of creamy vegan risotto will make about 12 rice balls.)

On a plate, combine panko bread crumbs with granulated onion, salt, and pepper. Roll each ball in the bread crumb mixture, until completely coated.

TO COOK IN THE OVEN: Evenly spread the balls across the parchment paper covered baking sheet. Spray the arancini with oil. Bake for 30 to 35 minutes, until they are nutty brown. (Do not turn them. They brown better if they are left on their own.) Remove and serve with warm marinara sauce for dipping.

TO COOK IN THE AIR FRYER: Put a few rice balls into the air fryer. Do not overfill. If the basket is too full, they won't brown as nicely. (A 3.7 quart air fryer basket will hold about 6 rice balls.) So you'll need to work in batches. Spray the arancini with oil. Air fry at 400 degrees for 10 minutes. (Do not turn the rice balls. They brown better if they are left on their own.) Continue air frying the remaining balls until finished. Keep in mind that as the air fryer heats up, the subsequent batches may cook in less time. So keep an eye on them in the final minutes & remove early, if necessary.

7.8.1.2

273

https://cadryskitchen.com/2019/01/17/vegan-arancini/

Disclosure: Post includes Amazon affiliate links.

Source: https://cadryskitchen.com/2019/01/17/vegan-arancini/

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mailplate3-blog · 6 years ago

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The Messy Fourth Estate

(This post was originally posted on Medium.)

For the second time in a week, my phone buzzed with a New York Times alert, notifying me that another celebrity had died by suicide. My heart sank. I tuned into the Crisis Text Line Slack channel to see how many people were waiting for a counselor’s help. Volunteer crisis counselors were pouring in, but the queue kept growing.

Celebrity suicides trigger people who are already on edge to wonder whether or not they too should seek death. Since the Werther effect study, in 1974, countless studies have conclusively and repeatedly shown that how the news media reports on suicide matters. The World Health Organization has adetailed set of recommendations for journalists and news media organizations on how to responsibly report on suicide so as to not trigger copycats. Yet in the past few years, few news organizations have bothered to abide by them, even as recent data shows that the reporting on Robin Williams’ death triggered an additional 10 percent increase in suicide and a 32 percent increase in people copying his method of death. The recommendations aren’t hard to follow — they focus on how to convey important information without adding to the problem.

Crisis counselors at the Crisis Text Line are on the front lines. As a board member, I’m in awe of their commitment and their willingness to help those who desperately need support and can’t find it anywhere else. But it pains me to watch as elite media amplifiers make counselors’ lives more difficult under the guise of reporting the news or entertaining the public.

Through data, we can see the pain triggered by 13 Reasons Why and the New York Times. We see how salacious reporting on method prompts people to consider that pathway of self-injury. Our volunteer counselors are desperately trying to keep people alive and get them help, while for-profit companies reap in dollars and clicks. If we’re lucky, the outlets triggering unstable people write off their guilt by providing a link to our services, with no consideration of how much pain they’ve caused or the costs we must endure.

I want to believe in journalism. But my faith is waning.

I want to believe in journalism. I want to believe in the idealized mandate of the fourth estate. I want to trust that editors and journalists are doing their best to responsibly inform the public and help create a more perfect union.But my faith is waning.

Many Americans — especially conservative Americans — do not trust contemporary news organizations. This “crisis” is well-trod territory, but the focus on fact-checking, media literacy, and business models tends to obscure three features of the contemporary information landscape that I think are poorly understood:

Differences in worldview are being weaponized to polarize society.

We cannot trust organizations, institutions, or professions when they’re abstracted away from us.

Economic structures built on value extraction cannot enable healthy information ecosystems.

Let me begin by apologizing for the heady article, but the issues that we’re grappling with are too heady for a hot take. Please read this to challenge me, debate me, offer data to show that I’m wrong. I think we’ve got an ugly fight in front of us, and I think we need to get more sophisticated about our thinking, especially in a world where foreign policy is being boiled down to 140 characters.

1. Your Worldview Is Being Weaponized

I was a teenager when I showed up at a church wearing jeans and a T-shirt to see my friend perform in her choir. The pastor told me that I was not welcomebecause this was a house of God, and we must dress in a manner that honors Him. Not good at following rules, I responded flatly, “God made me naked. Should I strip now?” Needless to say, I did not get to see my friend sing.

Faith is an anchor for many people in the United States, but the norms that surround religious institutions are man-made, designed to help people make sense of the world in which we operate. Many religions encourage interrogation and questioning, but only within a well-established framework.Children learn those boundaries, just as they learn what is acceptable insecular society. They learn that talking about race is taboo and that questioning the existence of God may leave them ostracized.

Like many teenagers before and after me, I was obsessed with taboos and forbidden knowledge. I sought out the music Tipper Gore hated, read the books my school banned, and tried to get answers to any question that made adults gasp. Anonymously, I spent late nights engaged in conversations on Usenet, determined to push boundaries and make sense of adult hypocrisy.

Following a template learned in Model UN, I took on strong positions in order to debate and learn. Having already lost faith in the religious leaders in my community, I saw no reason to respect the dogma of any institution. And because I made a hobby out of proving teachers wrong, I had little patience for the so-called experts in my hometown. I was intellectually ravenous, but utterly impatient with, if not outright cruel to the adults around me. I rebelled against hierarchy and was determined to carve my own path at any cost.

I have an amazing amount of empathy for those who do not trust the institutions that elders have told them they must respect. Rage against the machine. We don’t need no education, no thought control. I’m also fully aware that you don’t garner trust in institutions through coercion or rational discussion. Instead, trust often emerges from extreme situations.

Many people have a moment where they wake up and feel like the world doesn’t really work like they once thought or like they were once told. That moment of cognitive reckoning is overwhelming. It can be triggered by any number of things — a breakup, a death, depression, a humiliating experience.Everything comes undone, and you feel like you’re in the middle of a tornado, unable to find the ground. This is the basis of countless literary classics, the crux of humanity. But it’s also a pivotal feature in how a society comes together to function.

Everyone needs solid ground, so that when your world has just been destabilized, what comes next matters. Who is the friend that picks you up and helps you put together the pieces? What institution — or its representatives — steps in to help you organize your thinking? What information do you grab onto in order to make sense of your experiences?

Contemporary propaganda isn’t about convincing someone to believe something, but convincing them to doubt what they think they know.

Countless organizations and movements exist to pick you up during your personal tornado and provide structure and a framework. Take a look at how Alcoholics Anonymous works. Other institutions and social bodies know how to trigger that instability and then help you find ground. Check out the dynamics underpinning military basic training. Organizations, movements, and institutions that can manipulate psychological tendencies toward a sociological end have significant power. Religious organizations, social movements, and educational institutions all play this role, whether or not they want to understand themselves as doing so.

Because there is power in defining a framework for people, there is good reason to be wary of any body that pulls people in when they are most vulnerable. Of course, that power is not inherently malevolent. There is fundamental goodness in providing structures to help those who are hurting make sense of the world around them. Where there be dragons is when these processes are weaponized, when these processes are designed to produce societal hatred alongside personal stability. After all, one of the fastest ways to bond people and help them find purpose is to offer up an enemy.

And here’s where we’re in a sticky spot right now. Many large institutions — government, the church, educational institutions, news organizations — are brazenly asserting their moral authority without grappling with their own shit.They’re ignoring those among them who are using hate as a tool, and they’re ignoring their own best practices and ethics, all to help feed a bottom line. Each of these institutions justifies itself by blaming someone or something to explain why they’re not actually that powerful, why they’re actually the victim. And so they’re all poised to be weaponized in a cultural war rooted in how we stabilize American insecurity.And if we’re completely honest with ourselves, what we’re really up against is how we collectively come to terms with a dying empire. But that’s a longer tangent.

Any teacher knows that it only takes a few students to completely disrupt a classroom. Forest fires spark easily under certain conditions, and the ripple effects are huge. As a child, when I raged against everyone and everything, it was my mother who held me into the night. When I was a teenager chatting my nights away on Usenet, the two people who most memorably picked me up and helped me find stable ground were a deployed soldier and a transgender woman, both of whom held me as I asked insane questions. They absorbed the impact and showed me a different way of thinking. They taught me the power of strangers counseling someone in crisis. As a college freshman, when I was spinning out of control, a computer science professor kept me solid and taught me how profoundly important a true mentor could be. Everyone needs someone to hold them when their world spins, whether that person be a friend, family, mentor, or stranger.

Fifteen years ago, when parents and the news media were panicking about online bullying, I saw a different risk. I saw countless kids crying out online in pain only to be ignored by those who preferred to prevent teachers from engaging with students online or to create laws punishing online bullies. We saw the suicides triggered as youth tried to make “It Gets Better” videos to find community, only to be further harassed at school. We saw teens studying the acts of Columbine shooters, seeking out community among those with hateful agendas and relishing the power of lashing out at those they perceived to be benefiting at their expense. But it all just seemed like a peculiar online phenomenon, proof that the internet was cruel. Too few of us tried to hold those youth who were unquestionably in pain.

Teens who are coming of age today are already ripe for instability. Their parents are stressed; even if they have jobs, nothing feels certain or stable. There doesn’t seem to be a path toward economic stability that doesn’t involve college, but there doesn’t seem to be a path toward college that doesn’t involve mind-bending debt. Opioids seem like a reasonable way to numb the pain in far too many communities. School doesn’t seem like a safe place, so teenagers look around and whisper among friends about who they believe to be the most likely shooter in their community. As Stephanie Georgopulos notes, the idea that any institution can offer security seems like a farce.

When I look around at who’s “holding” these youth, I can’t help but notice the presence of people with a hateful agenda. And they terrify me, in no small part because I remember an earlier incarnation.

In 1995, when I was trying to make sense of my sexuality, I turned to various online forums and asked a lot of idiotic questions. I was adopted by the aforementioned transgender woman and numerous other folks who heard me out, gave me pointers, and helped me think through what I felt. In 2001, when I tried to figure out what the next generation did, I realized thatstruggling youth were more likely to encounter a Christian gay “conversion therapy” group than a supportive queer peer. Queer folks were sick of being attacked by anti-LGBT groups, and so they had created safe spaces on private mailing lists that were hard for lost queer youth to find. And so it was that in their darkest hours, these youth were getting picked up by those with a hurtful agenda.

Teens who are trying to make sense of social issues aren’t finding progressive activists. They’re finding the so-called alt-right.

Fast-forward 15 years, and teens who are trying to make sense of social issues aren’t finding progressive activists willing to pick them up. They’re finding the so-called alt-right. I can’t tell you how many youth we’ve seen asking questions like I asked being rejected by people identifying with progressive social movements, only to find camaraderie among hate groups. What’s most striking is how many people with extreme ideas are willing to spend time engaging with folks who are in the tornado.

Spend time reading the comments below the YouTube videos of youth struggling to make sense of the world around them. You’ll quickly find comments by people who spend time in the manosphere or subscribe to white supremacist thinking. They are diving in and talking to these youth, offering a framework to make sense of the world, one rooted in deeply hateful ideas.These self-fashioned self-help actors are grooming people to see that their pain and confusion isn’t their fault, but the fault of feminists, immigrants, people of color. They’re helping them believe that the institutions they already distrust — the news media, Hollywood, government, school, even the church — are actually working to oppress them.

Most people who encounter these ideas won’t embrace them, but some will. Still, even those who don’t will never let go of the doubt that has been instilled in the institutions around them. It just takes a spark.

So how do we collectively make sense of the world around us? There isn’t one universal way of thinking, but even the act of constructing knowledge is becoming polarized. Responding to the uproar in the news media over “alternative facts,” Cory Doctorow noted:

We’re not living through a crisis about what is true, we’re living through a crisis about how we know whether something is true. We’re not disagreeing about facts, we’re disagreeing about epistemology. The “establishment” version of epistemology is, “We use evidence to arrive at the truth, vetted by independent verification (but trust us when we tell you that it’s all been independently verified by people who were properly skeptical and not the bosom buddies of the people they were supposed to be fact-checking).”

The “alternative facts” epistemological method goes like this: “The ‘independent’ experts who were supposed to be verifying the ‘evidence-based’ truth were actually in bed with the people they were supposed to be fact-checking. In the end, it’s all a matter of faith, then: you either have faith that ‘their’ experts are being truthful, or you have faith that we are. Ask your gut, what version feels more truthful?”

Doctorow creates these oppositional positions to make a point and to highlight that there is a war over epistemology, or the way in which we produce knowledge.

The reality is much messier, because what’s at stake isn’t simply about resolving two competing worldviews. Rather, what’s at stake is how there is no universal way of knowing, and we have reached a stage in our political climate where there is more power in seeding doubt, destabilizing knowledge, and encouraging others to distrust other systems of knowledge production.

Contemporary propaganda isn’t about convincing someone to believe something, but convincing them to doubt what they think they know. Andonce people’s assumptions have come undone, who is going to pick them up and help them create a coherent worldview?

2. You Can’t Trust Abstractions

Deeply committed to democratic governance, George Washington believed that a representative government could only work if the public knew their representatives. As a result, our Constitution states that each member of the House should represent no more than 30,000 constituents. When we stopped adding additional representatives to the House in 1913 (frozen at 435), each member represented roughly 225,000 constituents. Today, the ratio of congresspeople to constituents is more than 700,000:1. Most people will never meet their representative, and few feel as though Washington truly represents their interests. The democracy that we have is representational only in ideal, not in practice.

As our Founding Fathers knew, it’s hard to trust an institution when it feels inaccessible and abstract. All around us, institutions are increasingly divorced from the community in which they operate, with often devastating costs.Thanks to new models of law enforcement, police officers don’t typically come from the community they serve. In many poor communities, teachers also don’t come from the community in which they teach. The volunteer U.S. military hardly draws from all communities, and those who don’t know a solider are less likely to trust or respect the military.

Journalism can only function as the fourth estate when it serves as a tool to voice the concerns of the people and to inform those people of the issues that matter. Throughout the 20th century, communities of color challenged mainstream media’s limitations and highlighted that few newsrooms represented the diverse backgrounds of their audiences. As such, we saw the rise of ethnic media and a challenge to newsrooms to be smarter about their coverage. But let’s be real — even as news organizations articulate a commitment to the concerns of everyone, newsrooms have done a dreadful job of becoming more representative. Over the past decade, we’ve seen racial justice activists challenge newsrooms for their failure to cover Ferguson, Standing Rock, and other stories that affect communities of color.

Meanwhile, local journalism has nearly died. The success of local journalismdidn’t just matter because those media outlets reported the news, but because it meant that many more people were likely to know journalists. It’s easier to trust an institution when it has a human face that you know and respect. Andas fewer and fewer people know journalists, they trust the institution less and less. Meanwhile, the rise of social media, blogging, and new forms of talk radio has meant that countless individuals have stepped in to cover issues not being covered by mainstream news, often using a style and voice that is quite unlike that deployed by mainstream news media.

We’ve also seen the rise of celebrity news hosts. These hosts help push the boundaries of parasocial interactions, allowing the audience to feel deep affinity toward these individuals, as though they are true friends. Tabloid papers have long capitalized on people’s desire to feel close to celebrities by helping people feel like they know the royal family or the Kardashians. Talking heads capitalize on this, in no small part by how they communicate with their audiences. So, when people watch Rachel Maddow or listen to Alex Jones, they feel more connected to the message than they would when reading a news article. They begin to trust these people as though they are neighbors. They feel real.

No amount of drop-in journalism will make up for the loss of journalists within the fabric of local communities.

People want to be informed, but who they trust to inform them is rooted in social networks, not institutions. The trust of institutions stems from trust in people. The loss of the local paper means a loss of trusted journalists and a connection to the practices of the newsroom. As always, people turn to their social networks to get information, but what flows through those social networks is less and less likely to be mainstream news. But here’s where you also get an epistemological divide.

As Francesca Tripodi points out, many conservative Christians have developed a media literacy practice that emphasizes the “original” text rather than an intermediary. Tripodi points out that the same type of scriptural inference that Christians apply in Bible study is often also applied to reading the Constitution, tax reform bills, and Google results. This approach is radically different than the approach others take when they rely on intermediaries to interpret news for them.

As the institutional construction of news media becomes more and more proximately divorced from the vast majority of people in the United States, we can and should expect trust in news to decline. No amount of fact-checking will make up for a widespread feeling that coverage is biased. No amount of articulated ethical commitments will make up for the feeling that you are being fed clickbait headlines.

No amount of drop-in journalism will make up for the loss of journalists within the fabric of local communities. And while the population who believes that CNN and the New York Times are “fake news” are not demographically representative, the questionable tactics that news organizations use are bound to increase distrust among those who still have faith in them.

3. The Fourth Estate and Financialization Are Incompatible

If you’re still with me at this point, you’re probably deeply invested in scholarship or journalism. And, unless you’re one of my friends, you’re probably bursting at the seams to tell me that the reason journalism is all screwed up is because the internet screwed news media’s business model. So I want to ask a favor: Quiet that voice in your head, take a deep breath, and let me offer an alternative perspective.

There are many types of capitalism. After all, the only thing that defines capitalism is the private control of industry (as opposed to government control). Most Americans have been socialized into believing that all forms of capitalism are inherently good (which, by the way, was a propaganda project). But few are encouraged to untangle the different types of capitalism and different dynamics that unfold depending on which structure is operating.

I grew up in mom-and-pop America, where many people dreamed of becoming small business owners. The model was simple: Go to the bank and get a loan to open a store or a company. Pay back that loan at a reasonable interest rate — knowing that the bank was making money — until eventually you owned the company outright. Build up assets, grow your company, and create something of value that you could pass on to your children.

In the 1980s, franchises became all the rage. Wannabe entrepreneurs saw a less risky path to owning their own business. Rather than having to figure it out alone, you could open a franchise with a known brand and a clear process for running the business. In return, you had to pay some overhead to the parent company. Sure, there were rules to follow and you could only buy supplies from known suppliers and you didn’t actually have full control, but it kinda felt like you did. Like being an Uber driver, it was the illusion of entrepreneurship that was so appealing. And most new franchise owners didn’t know any better, nor were they able to read the writing on the wall when the water all around them started boiling their froggy self. I watched my mother nearly drown, and the scars are still visible all over her body.

I will never forget the U.S. Savings & Loan crisis, not because I understood it, but because it was when I first realized that my Richard Scarry impression of how banks worked was way wrong. Only two decades later did I learn to seethe FIRE industries (Finance, Insurance, and Real Estate) as extractive ones.They aren’t there to help mom-and-pop companies build responsible businesses, but to extract value from their naiveté. Like today’s post-college youth are learning, loans aren’t there to help you be smart, but to bend your will.

It doesn’t take a quasi-documentary to realize thatMcDonald’s is not a fast-food franchise; it’s a real estate business that uses a franchise structure to extract capital from naive entrepreneurs. Go talk to a wannabe restaurant owner in New York City and ask them what it takes to start a business these days. You can’t even get a bank loan or lease in 2018 without significant investor backing, which means that the system isn’t set up for you to build a business and pay back the bank, pay a reasonable rent, and develop a valuable asset.You are simply a pawn in a financialized game between your investors, the real estate companies, the insurance companies, and the bank, all of which want to extract as much value from your effort as possible. You’re just another brick in the wall.

Now let’s look at the local news ecosystem. Starting in the 1980s, savvy investors realized that many local newspapers owned prime real estate in the center of key towns. These prized assets would make for great condos and office rentals. Throughout the country, local news shops started getting eaten up by private equity and hedge funds — or consolidated by organizations controlled by the same forces. Media conglomerates sold off their newsrooms as they felt increased pressure to increase profits quarter over quarter.

Building a sustainable news business was hard enough when the news had a wealthy patron who valued the goals of the enterprise. But the finance industry doesn’t care about sustaining the news business; it wants a return on investment. And the extractive financiers who targeted the news business weren’t looking to keep the news alive. They wanted to extract as much value from those business as possible. Taking a page out of McDonald’s, they forced the newsrooms to sell their real estate. Often, news organizations had to rent from new landlords who wanted obscene sums, often forcing them to move out of their buildings. News outlets were forced to reduce staff, reproduce more junk content, sell more ads, and find countless ways to cut costs. Of course the news suffered — the goal was to push news outlets into bankruptcy or sell, especially if the companies had pensions or other costs that couldn’t be excised.

Yes, the fragmentation of the advertising industry due to the internet hastened this process. And let’s also be clear that business models in the news business have never been clean. But no amount of innovative new business models will make up for the fact that you can’t sustain responsible journalism within a business structure that requires newsrooms to make more money quarter over quarter to appease investors. This does not mean that you can’t build a sustainable news business, but if the news is beholden to investors trying to extract value, it’s going to impossible. And if news companies have no assets to rely on (such as their now-sold real estate), they are fundamentally unstable and likely to engage in unhealthy business practices out of economic desperation.

Untangling our country from this current version of capitalism is going to be as difficult as curbing our addiction to fossil fuels. I’m not sure it can be done, but as long as we look at companies and blame their business models without looking at the infrastructure in which they are embedded, we won’t even begin taking the first steps. Fundamentally, both the New York Times and Facebook are public companies, beholden to investors and desperate to increase their market cap. Employees in both organizations believe themselves to be doing something important for society.

Of course, journalists don’t get paid well, while Facebook’s employees can easily threaten to walk out if the stock doesn’t keep rising, since they’re also investors. But we also need to recognize that the vast majority of Americans have a stake in the stock market. Pension plans, endowments, and retirement plans all depend on stocks going up — and those public companies depend on big investors investing in them. Financial managers don’t invest in news organizations that are happy to be stable break-even businesses. Heck, even Facebook is in deep trouble if it can’t continue to increase ROI, whether through attracting new customers (advertisers and users), increasing revenue per user, or diversifying its businesses. At some point, it too will get desperate, because no business can increase ROI forever.

ROI capitalism isn’t the only version of capitalism out there. We take it for granted and tacitly accept its weaknesses by creating binaries, as though the only alternative is Cold War Soviet Union–styled communism. We’re all frogs in an ocean that’s quickly getting warmer. Two degrees will affect a lot more than oceanfront properties.

Reclaiming Trust

In my mind, we have a hard road ahead of us if we actually want to rebuild trust in American society and its key institutions (which, TBH, I’m not sure is everyone’s goal). There are three key higher-order next steps, all of which are at the scale of the New Deal.

Create a sustainable business structure for information intermediaries (like news organizations) that allows them to be profitable without the pressure of ROI. In the case of local journalism, this could involve subsidized rent, restrictions on types of investors or takeovers, or a smartly structured double bottom-line model. But the focus should be on strategically building news organizations as a national project to meet the needs of the fourth estate. It means moving away from a journalism model that is built on competition for scarce resources (ads, attention) to one that’s incentivized by societal benefits.

Actively and strategically rebuild the social networks of America.Create programs beyond the military that incentivize people from different walks of life to come together and achieve something great for this country. This could be connected to job training programs or rooted in community service, but it cannot be done through the government alone or, perhaps, at all. We need the private sector, religious organizations, and educational institutions to come together and commit to designing programs that knit together America while also providing the tools of opportunity.

Find new ways of holding those who are struggling. We don’t have a social safety net in America. For many, the church provides the only accessible net when folks are lost and struggling, but we need a lot more.We need to work together to build networks that can catch people when they’re falling. We’ve relied on volunteer labor for a long time in this domain—women, churches, volunteer civic organizations—but our current social configuration makes this extraordinarily difficult.��We’re in the middle of an opiate crisis for a reason. We need to think smartly about how these structures or networks can be built and sustained so that we can collectively reach out to those who are falling through the cracks.

Fundamentally, we need to stop triggering one another because we’re facing our own perceived pain. This means we need to build large-scale cultural resilience. While we may be teaching our children “social-emotional learning”in the classroom, we also need to start taking responsibility at scale.Individually, we need to step back and empathize with others’ worldviews and reach out to support those who are struggling. But our institutions also have important work to do.

At the end of the day, if journalistic ethics means anything, newsrooms cannot justify creating spectacle out of their reporting on suicide or other topics just because they feel pressure to create clicks. They have the privilege of choosing what to amplify, and they should focus on what is beneficial. If they can’t operate by those values, they don’t deserve our trust. While I strongly believe that technology companies have a lot of important work to do to be socially beneficial, I hold news organizations to a higher standard because of their own articulated commitments and expectations that they serve as the fourth estate. And if they can’t operationalize ethical practices, I fear the society that must be knitted together to self-govern is bound to fragment even further.

Trust cannot be demanded. It’s only earned by being there at critical junctures when people are in crisis and need help. You don’t earn trust when things are going well; you earn trust by being a rock during a tornado. The winds are blowing really hard right now. Look around. Who is helping us find solid ground?

Source: http://www.zephoria.org/thoughts/archives/2018/06/20/the-messy-fourth-estate.html

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deadcactuswalking · 6 years ago

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 15th July 2018

God, this first bit is going to be heavily ironic now, isn’t it?

Top 10

If you’ve been following the World Cup, you’d know that Britain got into the semi-finals before being beaten by Croatia and then Belgium, leaving us in fourth place, which isn’t too bad, but it is kind of sad when you realise that the day after we got beaten by Croatia, the unofficial World Cup anthem “Three Lions” by David Baddiel, Frank Skinner and the Lightning Seeds leaped up 23 spaces to number-one, at its 27th week in the chart, and not the first spent at #1, as it has had four different runs at the top of the UK Singles Chart since it was released 22 years ago – “Nice for What” by Drake is the first to break that record in the US, only a few months after its release. Talking about Drake...

That’s a segue I hope to never use again because I don’t want to talk about Drake ever again, to be honest with you. He’s so bad in such a boring way. That has absolutely no relevance to our number-two spot, “Shotgun” by George Ezra, pushed back to the runner-up spot because of “Three Lions”, but I wanted to mention that, especially since I have to talk about him today. More on that later.

“Solo” by Clean Bandit featuring Demi Lovato isn’t moving at number-three.

Oh, Drake. We meet again sooner than I thought. “In My Feelings”, thanks to a dancing challenge meme and Drake’s album (in which this song is probably one of the worst from), has debuted at number-four. Delightful.

Oh, hey, more Drake! Fantastic! “Don’t Matter to Me” featuring Michael Jackson is STILL in the top five, specifically at number-five after being pushed back three spaces by his own song.

Also thanks to an album, Years & Years’ “If You’re Over Me” is up three spots to number-six, barely missing out on the top five – thanks to Drake. Am I coming off as some anti-Drake protester? If so, I’m sorry, I like Drake for the most part, but his chart prowess kind of baffles me.

Hell, just to prove I’m not too bothered by Drake generally, I get to thank Drake and Years & Years for not letting this next piece of trash get to the top five, or any higher, really. At number-seven, after a four-space boost up to the top ten, we have “Rise” by Jonas Blue featuring Jacksfilms and Jack Black.

“Girls Like You” by Maroon 5 featuring Cardi B continues to go up and up the charts, bouncing up two spots to number-eight this week.

Funnily enough, Cardi outdid herself this week, as she pushes down her own song “I Like It” featuring Bad Bunny and J Balvin a spot to number-nine.

Finally, down four spots from last week, we have “2002” by Anne-Marie at number-ten, where, frankly, it deserves to be more than in the top five – this is inoffensive enough to be a hit but I do not see the appeal in such a smash hit.

Climbers

This week on the US Hot 100, “Jackie Chan” by Tiesto and Dzeko featuring Preme and Post Malone just debuted at #88 – why did it take so long for this to cross over to the states? In fact, it went up five spaces to #12 this week on the UK Singles Chart, and it’s doing well globally. I know the US is really late to EDM, but, come on, it has Post Malone! Why are you guys so slow to this?

Some debuts from the week before last week are recovering from Drake – “Only You” by Cheat Codes and Little Mix is up 12 spots to #28, while “Ring Ring” by Jax Jones featuring Mabel and Rich the Kid is up seven spots to #29. Otherwise, there’s nothing really of note here to discuss.

Fallers

Former chart-topper “I’ll be There” by Jess Glynne is at freefall at this point, as it’s down six spots to #13. Drake’s “Nonstop” will obviously take a hit, going down 11 spaces to #15. The late XXXTENTACION also suffered, with “SAD!” down four spots to #18 and “Moonlight” down six positions to #37. Liam Payne and J Balvin’s “Familiar” took an unexpected but definitely deserved ten-space shove down to #30. “no tears left to cry” by Ariana Grande and “Paradise” by George Ezra are both down six to #35 and #34 respectively, seemingly ending their runs – that is, of course, until Sweetener releases soon.

Dropouts

Okay, so the biggest drop ever out of the charts is from #2, and I think “Last Christmas” by Wham! holds it. Of course, “Three Lions”, our current #1 will probably break that record, but a drop out from #5 is still impressive, and Drake’s “Emotionless” featuring a sample from Mariah Carey has done just that. Of course, the one I like the most has the least longevity.

We have quite a few other dropouts too: “This is Me” by Keala Settle and The Greatest Showman Ensemble, finally out from #39, “Flames” by David Guetta and Sia out from #34, “changes” by XXXTENTACION out from #37 and “Girls” by Rita Ora, Charli XCX, Bebe Rexha and Cardi B out from #38.

Returning Entries

Former #1 “These Days” by Rudimental featuring Macklemore, Dan Caplen and Jess Glynne is back to #40 for some reason, but that surely doesn’t matter when we have a much more important return.

So, recently, the current President of the United States – you all know him – Donald Trump, visited the United Kingdom to talk to our current Prime Minister, Theresa May. I don’t really like to get political on this show, but let me just say I’m incredibly happy that people started a campaign to get this to return to the charts this week.

#25 – “American Idiot” – Green Day

So, let me clear up a few things first – this song isn’t about Trump, at all. In fact, it’s pretty much about a President in title only. It’s actually about the American media circa 2004, when George W. Bush was re-elected. Billie Joe Armstrong just bluntly makes fun of rednecks and propaganda in his signature insane, loud and sometimes unintelligible delivery over a now classic guitar riff with a subtle megaphone filtering effect similar to Damon Albarn on “Feel Good, Inc.” at about the same time. The verses are meaningful and packed with political punch while still being catchy enough to sing along, which Armstrong even demands the audience to do in the second verse. The cuts in the instrumental during the verses and after the chorus are pretty intense, mostly due to Tré Cool’s fantastic drumming, which is simplistic but incredibly effective and powerful. Mike Dirnt’s short guitar solo is pretty amazing, too, and all the members come together to make a modern punk-rock anthem that will be remembered for decades to come. These guys were in their 30’s when they made this too, this isn’t from an exciting youthful band, they’d been around for years when the great album this track is from (also titled American Idiot) took the world by storm in 2004.

For curiosity’s sake, I checked when this charted, and it peaked at #3 in the UK 14 years ago, and becoming Green Day’s first ever Hot 100 entry at #61. It also debuted at #1 in Canada! It is funny how a song about criticising America took advantage of the controversy to much lesser effects in the idiot nation itself, huh.

NEW ARRIVALS

Now for the much less exciting songs, I suppose.

#39 – “Panic Room” (CamelPhat remix) – Au/Ra

So, CamelPhat are the guys from last year’s “Cola” which charted at #18 over in the UK, and would have made my best list if they had crossed over to the States. I like these dudes’ other work too, so I was pretty excited when I saw them chart in the top 40 again. Au/Ra, however I have no idea about. From what I can gather on her Spotify bio, she’s an indie pop artist who had her song “Panic Room” remixed (twice, may I add) by CamelPhat, leading her to have her first top 40 hit. There are also four other remixes, as well as an acoustic version, so, yes, there are eight versions of this ONE song. I’ve listened to all of them – excluding CamelPhat’s second remix since it’s just a club mix, so I’ll just say what I think of each one in a sentence or two.

The original by Au/Ra is boring as sin during the verses, although I kinda dig the pitched-down vocals, and it gets much more exciting in the drop with the buzzing synths. It’s also when I listened to this version that I realised this is from an advertisement, which explains why she’s in the top 40 without a Wikipedia page. This version is alright, though, but I understand why it needs a remix.

The acoustic version is a slow painful death. This is also barely acoustic, there’s a pretty blatant digitally-added filter on Au/Ra’s voice at several points.

The Jonas Rathsman remix is seven glorious minutes of 1980’s dance music. I’m not even kidding, this is wonderful. I love the random sounds they add throughout too, they all add up to a pretty cool listen. Au/Ra doesn’t come in until about five minutes, though, and even then, her vocals are chopped-up a bit to fit the instrumental.

The KDA “Stop Saying You Were at Trade When You Weren’t” remix is pretty fun too with some pretty unique percussion, and much shorter than Rathsman’s, but Au/Ra’s vocals are mixed horribly and it never really has a good climax or drop, it’s just a bit of a slog. I like it, but it definitely needs some work.

The Denis First and Reznikov remix is some of the blandest house music I’ve heard. It’s also much shorter and the vocals are mixed pretty badly, once again.

The Sway Gray remix is much better in its vocal mixing, but it feels way too safe – even if the drop is one of the best things I’ve heard in mainstream dance this year, it just doesn’t keep up his momentum throughout. It’s worth listening to for that drop, though.

Now the CamelPhat remix is the one used in the advert, and yeah, these guys have struck the barrel again. Like “Cola”, it’s intense but also damn fun, with a pumping beat, pretty nice synths and pretty interesting echo effects put onto Au/Ra’s voice, including in the anti-drop, where it continues to build up when you think it climaxes – something KDA didn’t really grasp – in fact, during the actual drop, which has a similar buzzing synth to Rathsman’s mix, it’s still building up. The whole thing feels like a hike on top of a mountain, and the vocal manipulation in the drop and crazy synth work during the second build-up are the obstacles that come your way, until you get to what is nearly the tip, relax for a second when Au/Ra’s vocals come back in and the white noise starts to somehow harmonise with time-stretched beeping noises and a nice deep wobble, for the final drop where you take the last steps but it never feels satisfactory. You never get to the top, you just stay right next to it for a while and you’re fine with that because you’ve gotten so far. Like “Cola”, the ending of the song is very abrupt and anti-climactic.

The CamelPhat remix of this song is easily the best one, because it feels like an exciting journey portrayed via house music. I love this. Listen to this, like, right now. CamelPhat are Goddamn geniuses, I tell you.

#38 – “Fine Girl” (remix) – ZieZie

Oh, delightful. ANOTHER remix. ZieZie is another musician without a Wikipedia page who hasn’t had a top 40 hit until today thanks to a remix, but I’m not exactly sure which one out of the four that exist, especially since BBC has made the artwork the original single’s cover. So, naturally, I’ve listened to them all, and I’m counting the original version as the hit single.

So, before we talk about the songs, let’s just make it clear that ZieZie is an incredibly incompetent British rapper – so incompetent in fact that his single “Low Life” has been listed as “ZieZie- Low Life” on Spotify – and that’s just the title. It is listed, on Spotify, no joke as “ZieZie- Low Life by ZieZie”. Now that’s stupid! If you want proof, here you go: https://open.spotify.com/album/5mZIWWiqFQBEGlcdXfojVf?si=uLweMtHjQs6yQHA0Vg0T0Q.

Okay, so the T. Matthias remix isn’t too bad, it has a nice piano melody and it’s a pretty generic but decently-produced house track, with a deep, overbearing drop. The profanity is censored, as normal with EDM songs recently (think “Solo” and “FRIENDS”). Nothing more than what it is and nothing less.

The James Hype remix is more Caribbean-influenced with steel pans, but otherwise is basically the exact same as the Matthias remix for the first few seconds, until the pretty stiff synth melody and bassline kicks in, with some nice vocal chopping, even if it kind of sounds like it sampled Super Mario 64.

There’s another remix without a producer name that just adds a couple pretty decent rappers to the original track. It’s okay.

The ADP remix is also like that, except the guest rappers have much worse flows for the most part.

Now, the actual track – I do like the production here, with the cowbell(?) and typical dancehall production, except being oddly minimalistic with the clicks and pretty cool synth sample, hell, I even like ZieZie here, as he sings the catchy autotuned hook with a decent melody and fun ad-libs, as well as some pretty funny lyrics throughout. He references Chief Keef in the hook, even replicating his signature “bang bang” ad-lib, the fact that he’s proud in ignoring the woman’s body entirely for the fact that she has a nice butt, and how he just kind of uses a lot of nonsense words as metaphors (or just bluntly stating fact) in some lines, like “booty jiggle-jiggle like Jello” and “she wanna tick-tock if you got time” (which, also, despite the fact that it oddly references someone else having time free, unlike the other lines which refer to him having fun with this girl, actually makes sense, because throughout the hook, he’s recommending the girl to someone else). He also HEAVILY channels Fetty Wap, so it’s pretty fitting that in the bridge, he mentions his name and sings Fetty’s signature “yeah, baby” croon that he uses in songs like “679” and “$ave Dat Money”. Yes, he doesn’t only interpolate songs; he basically interpolates two artists’ whole discography, more than once, in the same song. The references to other trap artists and some filler lines are pretty lazy but I do like how he integrates not only Patois but French in an otherwise English song, while referencing African-American artists and the Congo, as well as making fun of British YouTube prankster Jack Jones crying after being hit by a slice of pizza... yeah, I don’t get it either. If anything, this is actually pretty culturally diverse, and catchy, so I don’t mind this and it’s probably the best dancehall song we’ve covered on this show.

#4 – “In My Feelings” – Drake featuring City Girls

Remember last week when I said I thought I’d be done with Drake? Well, lucky me.

Now, this song is hilariously awful. It’s not lazy like “Nonstop” or so-bad-it’s-good like “Ratchet Happy Birthday”, it’s just bloody pathetic and that kind of makes it enjoyable, if you’re into hearing Drake on the edge of insanity over a bunch of chopped samples and pretty bland R&B-trap production. The intro is kind of funny, too, as is the hook which is just him desperately moaning to other women, asking them if they love him and if they’re riding. There’s a few hand-claps in the singular verse too, that try to add any intensity to this, which kind of make it even worse because it proves that effort was put in, when it really doesn’t sound like it. City Girls have a short bridge before the absolutely-hellish breakdown, where Drake’s vocals are all over the place with samples from Magnolia Shawty being repeated and chopped to the point of sounding like a damn parrot, before it abruptly stops and we get treated to Lil Wayne joining the party with a lazy sample from “Lollipop”. The way Drake delivers everything is really funny in this song, especially how he says “TrapMoneyBenny”. It’s kind of like “Fake Love” in a way, everything is just so unintentionally joyful despite how horrible it is. There’s some extra percussion and a sample from an episode of Atlanta too? God, this is a mess.

Conclusion

What do you think? Seriously, you think I’m gonna give Best of the Week to that ZieZie guy? Hell, no, you can figure out who gets what pretty damn easily. See ya next week!

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samanthasroberts · 7 years ago

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5 Things You Grew Up With (Your Kids Will Think Are Insane)

At this very moment you are living in the future that your ten-year-old self was pretty sure was going to be up to its nuts in robot butlers and cyber ham. Unless you’re ten right now in which case what the fuck? Your parents let you read this? I could literally start talking about dildos at any moment. I hope you go to them with any confusing questions you may have so they can assure you I’m not real and there’s no reason to take anything I say seriously. That aside, you’re also living in a time when today’s ten-year-old will have no idea what you went through to get to this point. Just look at all this non-dildo stuff that has been lost to history.

Phones Used To Buzz Into Your Earhole When Nobody Was On The Line

You have a phone, right? There’s a good chance you’re reading this on your phone. There’s a better chance you use your phone as a phone far less than you use it as a device to type and read making it kind of bizarre they bother to call it a phone when that’s probably third down the list of things it does. No one calls a cat a “sand shitter,” even though that happens more than you use your phone as a phone. But pooping in sandboxes aside, remember dial tones?

You probably haven’t considered this in a while, and if you still have a landline phone, maybe you still have a dial tone? I wouldn’t know, I don’t have a landline phone. But I know I don’t have a dial tone and legit haven’t heard one in years. Now imagine the kid born after 2010 who while vaguely aware of the concept of phones that have squiggly, pig-tail wires attached to them would have no idea why the damn thing drills a ceaseless robo-fart into your ear every time you pick it up. If a kid picks up a phone today and hears a dial tone, they’re going to assume it’s busted. Like bad busted, too, because it’s never made that sound before.

In days of yore when everything had to be plugged into something, the dial tone was a friendly reminder that your phone worked, because there was literally no other way to know your phone was working. It didn’t do anything. There wasn’t anything to look at or charges to adjust or battery life to keep an eye on. It was an ugly-ass lunch box with a plastic half brick you pressed to your flesh. The dial tone was the phone saying “Hey friend, why don’t you give grandma a call? Also waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!”

Those days are gone now and they never need to come back. The next generation is not just going to be unaware of a dial tone, they’re going to have to Google the term because it means nothing.

Credits Meant The Movie Was Over

When I was a kid, nothing sucked more than watching a movie on TV and waiting for the next show to start as the damn credits rolled. Nothing. Not war or famine or Full House. You watched the credits only because you wanted to see what was on that channel next and were too lazy to leave the room or, you know, live a life. If you’d rented a video, you pressed stop as soon as that first name started to scroll up because credits were how you knew the movie was over. Did all those people work hard to make this film? Sure, but I don’t know them or anything, they don’t need me to read their names. Your parents didn’t stick around to watch the school play after your part was over, they threw their beer cans on the floor, yelled at you to get off stage, and went the hell home.

Nowadays, thanks mostly to the Marvel Cinematic Universe, if you see a film in the theater you’ll notice that just about half the room stays as still as statues when the movie ends. For any comic-book or action-type film, and even some comedies, you want to stay put because surely there’s a post-credit bit of awesome, or some sweet bloopers running through the credits. The movie isn’t over when it’s over, it’s just dribbling away like those last vexing droplets of whiz after a night enjoying gimlets at the bar.

The future is going to be rife with movies that make you five minutes later for everything you do thanks to this phenomenon. Kids are going to be expecting it all the time and they will wait, reading the names of each and every gaffer, best boy, and second-unit caterer from Quebec where they filmed all those Bigfoot-takes-a-forest-bride sequences. I showed my niece The Goonies and she asked me to turn it back on after I stopped the Blu-ray so she could see the final scene. It’s in their heads and there’s no getting it out. But also, don’t you wish there was a post-credit scene in The Goonies and it was just Corey Feldman singing “Ascension Millennium” with Chunk and Sloth? Because I wish that.

Phone Anxiety

There are two kinds of teenagers in the world. There’s the kind who are self-assured, know everything, and are featured in PSAs on how to be awesome — drag-racing and smoking that reefer. And then there’s the kind I was. I can’t speak to that other kid in his varsity jacket and five-o’clock shadow, which, in retrospect, might be just the memory of a few high-school sex comedies I saw in the 80s and not a real thing, but never mind that. I can speak to the gut-butt-fucking fear I felt as a 14-year-old calling the girl I liked from French class and having her mom answer the phone.

I can’t even think of the last time I called any individual and got anyone else answering the phone. If you called someone now and someone else answered, your first instinct is either their phone was stolen or they’re dead. The days of having a house phone are drawing to a close and even if you have a landline, you probably have a cell phone anyway and that’s how people call you. No high-school kid is calling their friend’s house and getting stuck chatting to Mrs. Friend’s Mom.

In a reasonable world it wouldn’t matter if you had to talk on the phone to a person’s mom for 30 seconds, but that’s not the world a teenager lives in. Getting mom or dad on the phone is psychologically on par with being caught masturbating. It’s harrowing and earth shattering in ways that are hard to account for and the children of tomorrow have no idea how lucky they are that human interaction is so limited now. You don’t have to talk to the pizza place if you don’t want to, you don’t have to go to the bank to pay your bills, and you never have to talk to that hot girl’s mom knowing full well that she knows you’ve been staring at her daughter’s exposed bra strap in the back of second period every goddamn day.

The kids of tomorrow are losing a healthy sense of fear and self-loathing that previous generations were saddled with. That illogical and fear-born sense of inadequacy that plagued you at every turn because you were sure someone was judging you, even if you didn’t know why. Now everyone’s that varsity jock just high on their own sense of unfettered phone confidence, calling people left and right and only talking to them like some kind of majestic phone barons of a future telecoms utopia.

Late Fees

In the realm of gaming, look at what the Go-Gurt gobblers of tomorrow are missing out on. When I was a kid, I had to go to Blockbuster to rent a new Playstation game and so help me God if I was late bringing that thing back, lest the dreaded late fee be put on my bill. Try to explain that to a kid in ten years, that there was once a time when you not only needed to go to a business to rent a piece of physical media which is probably going to not exist in a decade’s time thanks to streaming and online gaming, but my playing the game meant someone else couldn’t play it. Some poor schlub had to wait for me to bring it back and if I was late, Blockbuster charged me again because Jimmy Guntstubb was desperate to play Battletoads and I fucked up.

Basically, gaming in any practical form, for any kid whose parents weren’t rich enough to buy every new game on a whim, was a community endeavor. Everyone had a tacit agreement to work together for the joy of the game, or the whole system was fucked harder than a Fleshlight thrown into a prison yard.

There was literally no way to see gameplay outside of a commercial unless you caught an episode of Video Power with Johnny Arcade, so renting was the best way to test the waters and see if you were up to the challenge of Contra. You and every other kid had to be orderly and patient. You rented that game, you put in your time, and you took it back. Every late asshole threw the whole system into chaos.

The very idea that you couldn’t play a game or watch a movie today because the kid down the street’s parents refused to vaccinate him and now he has polio is damn near absurd. Why should someone else’s shitty punctuality affect your gaming? It shouldn’t. But dammit, it did. The struggle was real and the only defense that existed against it was Blockbsuter’s unshakable adherence to the rule of late fees, the most strict punishment and deterrent they could muster.

If A Game Failed, It Was Likely Your Fault For Being A Filthy Slob

Obviously technology today is a hell of a lot different than tech from the 80s, or 90s, or from about 5.27 seconds ago. Rest assured technology in 2027 is going to be full of brain-wave-activated toasters that can give you a hummer while making Pop-Tarts for you, the way Edison intended. But that doesn’t mean toasters won’t exist in the future. There is, however, a good deal of stuff kids are never going to get to see or experience. It’s not evolving or getting updated, it’s simply been rendered obsolete.

The big issue with physical media is the general maintenance and upkeep. If you had a VCR you probably remember the thrill of adjusting the tracking when your video inexplicably just started oozing down the screen and tweaking like it hadn’t had a drink since this morning. Or how about that VHS copy of Splash you watched too many times that eventually became so worn out and static-riddled it was like watching garbled porn on a cable station you didn’t get (which is another thing your kids will never know about).

Gamers went through this, too. When I bought vanilla World Of Warcraft back in the day, I think it came on five or six CDs because the idea of actually downloading the game was as silly as the idea of eating a ham sandwich with no bacon on it. If even one of those fuckers got scratched, you were screwed. Or let’s say you installed it just fine, but in the middle of a big boss fight, your mouse suddenly spazzed out, and the cursor shot up to the corner of the screen. That old style mouse had a ball and rollers in it. A little, grey ball that sucked up desk-based schmutz like a magnet. You’d have to pop the bottom of your mouse, pull the ball out, swab off the layer of dog hair, dust, and dried tears on it, then do the same for the tiny little wheels inside. That’s a lost art now, like polishing your monocle (the real way, not the euphemism for sticking Pop Rocks in your pee hole).

The point is that the game failed because you failed. You took such poor care of the components, it crapped out. Already today that can be circumvented thanks to a having a hard drive to store games, and in the near future, companies like Sony and Microsoft will just drop the idea of physical media altogether so you have one less thing to get sticky with your Mountain Dew. Because, as we all know, true gamers Do the Dew. Everything will exist in the cloud, and if a game failed, it’s not on you — it’s all them.

No more discs means no kid in the future is ever going to have that moment when they take a scratched copy of Earthworm Jim and try to rub peanut butter across the bottom of it because someone somewhere once said that will repair surface scratches … even though I’ve never actually met anyone who got that to work and it mostly left my Final Fantasy VIII smelling like a middle-schooler’s sandwich from back when middle-schoolers were allowed to have Final Fantasy VIII sandwiches.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/5-things-you-grew-up-with-your-kids-will-think-are-insane/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/05/09/5-things-you-grew-up-with-your-kids-will-think-are-insane/

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adambstingus · 7 years ago

Text

5 Things You Grew Up With (Your Kids Will Think Are Insane)

Phones Used To Buzz Into Your Earhole When Nobody Was On The Line

Those days are gone now and they never need to come back. The next generation is not just going to be unaware of a dial tone, they’re going to have to Google the term because it means nothing.

Credits Meant The Movie Was Over

Phone Anxiety

Late Fees

If A Game Failed, It Was Likely Your Fault For Being A Filthy Slob

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/5-things-you-grew-up-with-your-kids-will-think-are-insane/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/173719664232

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allofbeercom · 7 years ago

Text

5 Things You Grew Up With (Your Kids Will Think Are Insane)

Phones Used To Buzz Into Your Earhole When Nobody Was On The Line

Those days are gone now and they never need to come back. The next generation is not just going to be unaware of a dial tone, they’re going to have to Google the term because it means nothing.

Credits Meant The Movie Was Over

Phone Anxiety

Late Fees

If A Game Failed, It Was Likely Your Fault For Being A Filthy Slob

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/5-things-you-grew-up-with-your-kids-will-think-are-insane/

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gaiabros · 7 years ago

Text

Short on time? Head on over to our ELECTROWEEN Mixes page where we have created an archive for all of our ELECTROWEEN productions. There you will find our latest 2017 mixes to stream and download. We will be adding additional mixes from other projects in the future, so please subscribe to GAIA BROS to receive forthcoming news and announcements.

Prologue: Alone In A Basement (An Origins Story)

In October 1994, somewhere in a small suburb of Detroit, I was playing by myself in my Ghostbusters tent in the drafty unfinished basement of my parents’ house. All of the lights were off, with the exception being the ceiling light near the stairs heading up to the main floor. It was almost Halloween, and my curiosity was unquenchable.

I had inside the tent with me a single battery powered cassette player and a tape that I had smuggled from my parents without raising suspicion. Being young and foolish, my inquiring mind drove me to ask but one innocent little question:

“What else is there?”

With the help of the internet, I tracked down the memory of a tent that had almost been consumed by time. What is shown below closely depicts the visual atmosphere of this personal memoire I wish to share. This I remember vividly.

Encounter With The Tape

I had managed to load my cassette player with the blood red Halloween tape my Mom used for luring brave trick or treaters to our doorsteps. This particular tape included all sorts of haunted sounds, noises and things within the realm of the supernatural. Ghosts shrieking. People screaming. Chains dragging on cement. Zombies moaning. It was truly horrifying for a seven year old boy; my brain at that age often blurred the lines between fantasy and reality. I dared myself to listen as long as my bravery lasted, which was no longer than five minutes. Spooked by my imagination recreating all of the surreal scenes around me, I ran upstairs as fast as possible, never stopping to look behind me at what was following and chasing me…

Leaving that tape to continue to play on, into the empty darkness of bare, cold concrete and musty air…

A Tale From A Dark Place, Carried

Undoubtably, this was one of the scariest experiences of my entire life. I distinctly remember the feeling of being chased by the void and my heart racing at insane speeds. The influence of that vivid moment in my early childhood left a permanent scar on my subconscious mind. Looking back, I can say that it planted an endless curiosity of the unknown — and an eagerness to come to terms with it.

“No End Darkness” — my latest mix released for ELECTROWEEN 2017 — is the most recent and honest attempt I’ve made at revisiting that frigid, dreadful basement and remembering what it was like…

Sensing the coldness of the air…

Grasping the presence of absence….

Witnessing the canvas of the void…..

Feeling hopelessly vulnerable and alone.

Twenty three years later, that tape still plays its haunted cacophony into the atmoshere within the depths of my soul.

Reconciliation

This is my personal encounter that I’ve chosen to share with the world, and by doing so, have come to confront my fears and the wholeness of life once again.

Knowing the darkness is a personal experience we must all wrestle with in some aspect of our mortal existence. However, it is through the honesty of our shared vulnerability that we discover the most promising truth of human existence:

That each of us is not alone.

“No End Darkness” Mix Liner Notes

From Scott: These are the sounds of a past golden age, paired with the technology of the present. Some of these tracks have echoed in my mind for the past 20 years and never left me. They are the video games and stories I grew up with, forever entwined in the fibers of the visionary synthwave works and gaming titles of today. This is the present in full reconciliation with the past. Everything is relevant, and nothing is forgotten.

These artists and their counterparts communicate the importance of narrative, of colossal struggle and the great lengths protagonists go to fulfill their missions. They tell of creative diligence, uninhibited imagination, and a reconnection to the core essence of humanity; that is, the capacity to endure life’s most difficult trials in dark times.

Key influences for this mix include Castlevania (The new Netflix Original series released in July, created by American film producer Adi Shankar), Stranger Things Season 1 (in anticipation of Season 2 releasing October 27th!), Game of Thrones (HBO’s masterpiece, particularly season 7 here), and all of the timeless 80s/90s NES masterpieces (in particular: Ninja Gaiden, Castlevania, The Legend of Zelda, and Mega Man series). While I know these creations are not for everyone, I could not hold them in higher regards nor offer more significant recommendations for those adventurous in spirit, mind, and heart.

I should note that No End Darkness is just as much of a political statement as it is a memoir. Perhaps some of the included pieces speak to your own experiences this year; maybe none of them will. It is crucial for me to note that my objective is not to seek agreement nor acceptance from its creation. This project came out of a need to express myself and challenge the forces dictating this very moment. Now that it has been released into the wild, it may very well speak for others too, but not intentionally.

This work is dedicated to my loving parents and brother; for introducing me to the darkness at an early age, and giving me the strength to learn from it and fight it, no matter the cost. Thanks for all of your support along the way. I love you guys.

“The Nightmare Begins” Mix Liner Notes

The Nightmare Begins came into being after one of the best gaming experiences I have had. Early this year The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild released with the Nintendo Switch. Then the idea was fully formed with my viewing of American Horror Story: My Roanoke Nightmare. From those inspirations came a steadier mix filled with atmosphere instead of the bombastic electro that came in years prior.

Zelda BoTW is a video game all about exploration. Within the land of Hyrule, there are no waypoints or map markers telling the player where to go. Every destination you must set on your own by climbing up a high area to see interesting points in the distance. Complete directionlessness is given to you, but the developers trusted they built an interesting enough world that you’d want to explore anyways. In addition, I decided to play with the pro-HUD on, which takes away the minimap and forces you to remember your surroundings and paths. Just getting lost in the world was one of the most enjoyable experiences I’ve ever had in a video game. Combined with themes of loss and Zelda’s timeless charm this is a perfect combination for ELECTROWEEN.

Getting LOST was what I took away from this game. The point was to go for a jaunt in the woods and get sidetracked. Find something that sparked your interest? That something could turn out to be a cute Korok (a type of woodland spirit) or a dangerous Guardian that could down you in one hit. Whatever the consequences it was always compelling and fun. Link, the character you play as, wakes up at the beginning of the game to find his own nightmare come to fruition. As Link, you must go through this waking nightmare. I wanted to reflect this in my mix, but with a much darker and slower tone than previous years.

I first came across American Horror Story with my girlfriend, Jessica. She asked me to watch it with her, as it is one of her favorite shows, I was reluctant. Historically, I’ve not been a fan of extremely scary tv or cinema. For those not familiar, American Horror Story changes every season in what story is told and the way in which it is told. We started by watch season 5: Hotel. Other than the performance by Lady Gaga, I didn’t enjoy the show. It was watching this year, season 6: My Roanoke Nightmare that got me hooked. The first half of the season is done in the style of true stories, that is, the “real” people are recounting their horrible time at the Roanoke Manner while actors act out the scenes. The second half of the season is played out like a reality show. The entire season is thrilling, tense, and extremely graphic. The many times I wanted to cover my eyes in horror, I also wanted to dive back into the show night after night.

Yes, a theme of My Roanoke Nightmare was getting lost in the woods. Unlike Zelda, this usually played out poorly for the heroes. Both Zelda and American Horror Story were my two and only influences for this mix. Usually, I have several others, but these two pieces of media were masters of their respective areas, it only felt right to draw from them.

Inside The Nightmare Begins: Different From Years Past

The Nightmare Begins is much slower than previous ELECTROWEEN mixes. It was very difficult for me to find songs that fit into what I wanted at the beginning. I started with a list of about twenty songs I thought could work, knowing that many had to be manipulated in ways I wasn’t quite comfortable with yet. I ended up throwing about half of my original track list out and completely replacing those selections.

The first song I knew I wanted in the mix was Hot Lights by Lany. This song set the tone for what I wanted the mix to be. A plodding medley focused on the somber mood, yet something you could dance to. My usual sources of Bandcamp and Beatport were quite useless at the beginning of my search. Fortunately this year I was exposed to quite a bit of Lana Del Rey, thanks to Jessica. Three of Lana’s songs are in The Nightmare Begins since she captures such a dreamy darkness with her voice. It was a perfect match!

Most, if not all, of the song selections were slowed down between 10 to 40 bpm — even Lana Del Rey’s songs were slowed down. Two songs, Somebody Else and Starboy were fast upbeat club remixes. Both of the song tempos were reduced heavily to give the exact feeling I wanted. Personally, I thought the slowed down versions sounded amazing. Check out the originals below:

I discovered it was difficult to pick out songs because I had to listen to the songs as if they were already slowed down. I had to see if the music would sound good together in a much slower tempo. Fortunately, it worked out for the best and now you can enjoy The Nightmare Begins.

Art and Music: The Voices of The Times

One takeaway we hope our work conveys is the reminder that no art form exists within a vacuum. Every personal creation is subject to the circumstances of the time and age from which it is crafted. In this way, these mixes give voice to an era ravaged by the evil-doing of cowardly men and women, the few seeking to fulfill personal agendas at the expense of the many. Every day has felt darker since their arrival, and the nights longer…

Right now, this Halloween season, we ask Karma to return the light to these lands again soon and conquer the darkness in which we find ourselves living. The great balance will be restored. In the meantime, we suffer through the long night together. Not just as a people, or a nation, but more so as a species that has survived hundreds of thousands of years of pain, grievances and tragedies alike.

As we continue to endure the darkness and nightmares before us and within ourselves, let us never forget the pendulum swings both ways.

Yours,

SW (VII) and MK (Loveless)

ELECTROWEEN 2017's No End Darkness and The Nightmare Begins are musical journeys into the depths of Hell itself. Short on time? Head on over to our ELECTROWEEN Mixes page where we have created an archive for all of our ELECTROWEEN productions.

#2017 #80s #Darkness #Electro Pop #ELECTROWEEN #Gaming #Halloween #Mixes #Nightmares #Rock #Synthwave #VG OST

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