#its been a LOT lately but honestly when is it not??
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finally typing up my late lantern rite thoughts (very long). overall 100/10 quest I love hu tao
The amount of Xingqiu's brother mentions were insane. Surely we'll see him either as an NPC soon, right? Right? /j Honestly here he sounded pretty competent, nothing like "a simpleton" like Xingqiu's troubles voiceline suggests hmm...
The little model animations were SOOOOOOOOOO GOOD. contributed a lot to the experience and made it feel so much more alive. hu tao's expressions especially, but also yun jin's expressions, and Xiangling's "come back, get over here and eat!!!!!1!1!!!" was also really fucking funny. they've been adding these small animations for a while but this event specifically had so many of them and the effort paid off <3
in a similar vein I'm impressed how smooth the animation/model actions were when Xiao put the sigil on us
hu tao lan yan and qiqi fill in the gap fic please
timaeus is kind of silly, also very funny he and ying'er still going strong 2 years later. he's literally learning liyue language for ying'er? genuinely his dedication is impressive. they should make events replayable because how will everyone who missed 3.5 windblume know why timaeus simps for someone a whole country over
we finally know what the fake chinese characters in all those liyue signs represent (kinda ig). I need to look over this part again
if hu tao&/xiangling or hu tao &/yun jin stocks on ao3 don't increase after this I will start biting. MY GIRLS T_T T_TT_T_T_T_T_T_T. bro the farewell section was so tender I enjoyed it greatly. Their relationships with each other got developed on screen.. yun jin and hu tao's banter especially was really cute and really shows us their relationship aside from the hints in their VOs
YUN JIN OPERATIC HILITUNE ON SCREEN. the fanvid of it from bilibili can finally rest, thanks for your service, canon got here 4 years later.
Yun Jin, having practiced the tao dou opera, MUST have known something correct?? or else she wouldn't have asked hu tao so many times to promise to come back, right? She trusts Hu Tao so much :'''' . if Hu Tao says she can handle it, Yun Jin knows there's no stopping her, and she will find a way, but it doesn't stop her from worrying nonetheless :''').
hu tao's death flags during part 2......
my agenda is speaking, but I wish Xingqiu and Hu Tao directly talked during the farewells section. something something chivalry and sacrifice. Hu Tao makes her peace with giving up everything to resolve the Tao Dou issue, but is Xingqiu at peace with losing a friend even tho its selfish of him to want her to stay? he has personal stakes in this please just let them talk a little
I'm really really glad they went through with the death, they showed Hu Tao's emotions, they showed her father and grandfather waving her off. I broke, she looked so tired but satisfied (thinking about her vision story, where she waited so long for her grandfather to never appear vs him visiting her for just a brief moment here)
my other favorite shot is when traveler pulls her out and she looks at them in muted surprise. she just looked so sad and fragile and in need of a hug :(((
the Themes (waves hands wildly). hu tao's father's lingering regrets were his fatal flaw, and so Hu Tao settles her affairs properly and steels herself before going to die. she leaves behind the plum blossom branch just like her grandfather left his hat.. genuinely what the hell. the parallels between her cutscene goodbye and her saying "happy lantern rite" kills me
the epilogue last year with the fontaine tourists was pretty fanservicey, and tbh the epilogue the year before was also somewhat fanservice to me, (liyue gang dinner and zhongli venti teasing) though I liked it better. However I think this epilogue was actually really good— the hanging out and the fluff felt natural, it fit with everything else and wasn't super sudden. Maybe this was because of all the setup that happened (Yun Jin and Xiangling's promises to Hu Tao, Xiao and Yelan's dynamic built up in Perilous Trails and their earlier exchange), so the payoff is good instead of forced. After the trials and danger they got put through, everyone gets a chance to relax, and I appreciate the slice of life after the main plot. also Yun Jin's opera was crazy good considering it was not a cutscene, the animation and camera angles really sold it
I thought the special guest was xiao again, like how LR 3.4 had him dragged to the harbor by Hu Tao.... xiaolan banter was also v good though.
THE ADEPTI. they're still watching over Liyue in their own way :') the affectionate bickering about hu tao's name :''''''''
I barely mentioned lan yan in this... her part was pretty minor ngl, her habit of learning everything about a person to the point of sounding a bit creepy is kind of fun though.
alright. fantastic quest absolutely no notes I got almost everything I ever wanted and I am so glad Hu Tao had such an incredible 2nd story quest. chongyun and shenhe exorcist lantern rite next year?
#teyvat thoughts#liveblog insanity#misc thoughts: the english genshin channel releasing the cutscenes in chinese instead of japanese is so funny to me#they really said we'll do it in cn just for lantern rite. psst release it in cn all the time /hj or at least do kr next#hu tao#genshin impact#lantern rite#5.3 spoilers#also there is a post that says 'if the death was all a joke it would be so neat'. no. sry#plum blossom bookmark#also the one thing that annoys me about genshin is i hope they let other m/f friendships get seen again? (x y.lan was good but more pls)#im really happy abt ht yj but i also wanted to see xq ht talking. pet peeve = xq and cy always glued together
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Fourteen | Professionals
"Now my tummy hurts, she's in love with her But for what it's worth They'd make beautiful babies" - Tummy Hurts, Reneé Rapp
your videography group was having its last meeting, wrapping up filming and sorting out the final details.
"have you two practiced for the kissing scene yet?" chaewon asked, her tone casual but curious.
"no, we're just gonna wing it when we film," you replied without much thought.
"are you sure that's gonna work?" she questioned, raising an eyebrow.
you shrugged. "i mean, we were chosen as the actors for a reason. we're professionals."
"i'll trust y'all," chaewon said, though she didn't seem entirely convinced.
she quickly moved on, checking in with everyone else about their respective duties.
once the meeting wrapped up, you wasted no time trying to get out of there. you had barely texted yunjin since that day, and she knew something was up. the constant voicemails asking why you were ignoring her made that obvious.
luckily, her rule about not speaking to you in public still applied. if she really needed to know that bad, she'd break it.
you speed-walked to your car as soon as you were out of the building. the moment your phone connected, two messages came in at the same time. the first one made you want to turn your phone off entirely, but the other? that one you needed to reply to.
huh yunjin (01) are u going home? can i come to u?
nien are u gone already? i wanna hang out y/n NO NOT YET where are u nien i'm standing at my car rn y/n u want me to come to u?
nien u can we can come back & pick up ur car l8r y/n OKAY heading over now
you shut off your car, taking your keys with you as you made your way across the parking lot to nien's car. on the way, you passed chaewon and yunjin walking together. without missing a beat, you made a big show of hugging nien once you reached her, and of course, she played along perfectly.
as you walked around to the passenger side, you caught yunjin's eyes. she was staring at you in disbelief while chaewon looked at her, utterly confused.
nien started the car, handing you her phone so you could pick the music. yunjin could never.
"hitting them would be double points," you muttered, eyeing nien's backup camera.
"i don't need my intrusive thoughts voiced out loud like this," she said, shaking her head.
"maybe it's a sign," you joked.
"damn, they moved too fast," nien sighed, finally able to back out.
once you two were out of the parking lot, you let yourself relax, only to immediately get another text from the one person you didn't wanna hear from.
huh yunjin (01) so u can leave w nien but can't tmb? y/n y/l/n she texted me to hang out first huh yunjin (01) so she's more important than ur actual gf now mayb u 2 are playing ur roles a lil too well y/n y/l/n weren't u leaving w chaewon anyways 🤔
huh yunjin (01) i was js giving her a ride home i was gonna go to urs right afterwards y/n y/l/n js hang out w chaewon huh yunjin (01) ur acting weird y/n y/l/n i gotta go hanging out w nien yk huh yunjin (01) we're gonna hv to talk abt this
"was it yunjin?" nien asked, noticing how annoyed you looked while typing.
"yeah, she's mad i left with you instead of hanging out with her," you replied, sighing.
"aww, you chose me over her? i feel special," nien teased.
"well, i would've chosen literally anyone over yunjin right now," you admitted.
"i can turn around and take you back, then," nien said, nodding toward the direction you came from. "go hang out with your other hoes."
"wait, no," you protested. "i wanna hang out with my favorite."
"i'm your favorite?" nien glanced at you for a second before turning back to the road.
"yeah. my favorite hoe," you finished with a grin.
"as long as i'm your favorite in something," she muttered.
"okay, you can't say it like that—now i feel bad," you said, frowning.
"i'm just speaking my truth," nien shrugged.
"honestly, though... you've been my favorite person lately," you admitted.
"yet you still won't date me," she sighed dramatically.
"stop joking, you don't actually wanna date me," you said, shaking your head.
"i'm serious," nien said, voice softer. "i'm literally just waiting for you."
you stared at her for a moment before shaking your head again. "i'm gonna pretend you didn't say that, and we're just gonna be good friends for the rest of the day."
"whatever you want, y/n," nien said with a small smile.
you rolled your eyes at nien's little smile, shaking your head as you turned your attention back to the music playing through the speakers.
"where are we even going?" you asked, realizing you never actually planned anything.
"hmm... dunno, i just wanted to steal you away," nien said, tapping her fingers against the steering wheel. "but now that i have you, i guess we should figure something out."
"you kidnapped me without a destination?" you teased.
"excuse me, but you willingly got in here," nien pointed out.
"no proof of that," you shot back without missing a beat.
"i have witnesses and text messages," she countered, glancing at you with a smirk.
"yeah? well, they're not here," you said smugly, folding your arms.
nien rolled her eyes. "okay, luckily i don't wanna talk to my witnesses."
you chuckled before tilting your head. "so, what exactly are we doing now?"
"well, since we already ate, we could get dessert," she suggested.
"that works," you agreed with a nod.
nien pulled into the parking lot of a small ice cream shop, the neon sign glowing softly in the evening light. she parked and turned off the engine before glancing at you.
“you’re paying, right?” she asked with a grin.
“you asked me to hang out,” you said, giving her a look. “i think that means you owe me ice cream.”
she sighed dramatically. “fine, but only because you’re my favorite.”
you raised an eyebrow. “your favorite what?”
nien smirked. “wouldn’t you like to know?”
you rolled your eyes but felt the warmth creeping up your neck as you both got out of the car.
as you stood in line, nien nudged you. “what are you getting?”
“i don’t know yet,” you said, scanning the menu. “maybe something classic. you?”
“something that makes me look hot while eating it,” she joked, flipping her hair dramatically.
you laughed. “yeah, good luck with that.”
nien smirked. “what, you don’t think i could pull it off?”
you scoffed. “i think i’d be too busy cringing.”
she gasped, feigning offense. “i’ll have you know, i’m very good at looking attractive while eating ice cream.”
“okay, now i have to see this,” you said, crossing your arms.
“luckily, i’m a professional.,” nien quipped, stepping up to the counter to order.
you shook your head, trying to suppress a smile as you placed your order after her.
a few minutes later, you both sat outside at one of the small tables, ice cream in hand. you took a bite of yours, but your attention flickered to nien when you heard her make a satisfied sound.
you glanced over just in time to see her take a slow, exaggerated lick of her ice cream, her gaze meeting yours with a knowing look.
“okay, stop,” you said, nearly choking on your spoon.
“what?” she asked innocently, licking her ice cream again, just as obnoxiously slow.
“that is not how normal people eat ice cream,” you said, covering your face with one hand.
“well, i never said i was normal,” she teased. “and you asked for this, remember?”
“oh my god,” you groaned, shaking your head.
nien just laughed, taking a normal bite this time. “alright, i’ll behave… for now.”
you shot her a look. “i can’t believe this is what i’ve been missing out by not becoming friends with you all these years.”
“glad we’re here now,” she said with a satisfied grin. you hated how true that was.
you rolled your eyes but couldn’t hide the small smile creeping onto your lips. the two of you sat there for a moment, the warm evening air settling around you as the soft hum of passing cars and distant laughter filled the silence.
nien absentmindedly twirled her spoon between her fingers before looking at you. “so, are you regretting it?”
“regretting what?” you asked, raising an eyebrow.
“letting me steal you away tonight,” she said, tilting her head slightly.
you let out a small laugh, shaking your head. “not really.”
her lips curved into a knowing smile. “see? i’m not so bad.”
“i never said you were,” you admitted, stabbing at your ice cream with your spoon.
nien leaned forward, resting her chin in her hand as she watched you. “you could’ve gone with yunjin.”
you sighed, looking down at your cup. “yeah… i could’ve.”
“but you didn’t.”
you looked up at her, and for once, she wasn’t teasing or smirking. just looking at you—like she was waiting for you to say something you weren’t sure you were ready to admit.
you exhaled, shaking your head lightly before meeting her gaze again. “no… i didn’t.”
she held your stare for a moment longer, then smiled, small, but genuine. “of course you chose me. i’m just better.”
you huffed a quiet laugh, unable to stop yourself from smiling back.
it was the last day of filming; aka, you and nien's final day on the project until it was time to present the video.
you and nien sat off to the side, running over your script one last time while soobin and yeonjun set up the scene. across the room, chaewon and yunjin were directing them on what to do, while keeho and intak adjusted the cameras and perfected the angles.
"you two ready?" soobin asked once everything was in place.
"yeah," nien nodded, climbing onto the bed beside you.
"just remember, act natural. we're not filming a porno, just a kissing scene," yeonjun said.
"i didn't think we were," you shot back, raising an eyebrow.
"just had to make sure you knew," he shrugged.
you and nien laughed before locking in. you two had to focus and get the scene done.
Masterlist ــــــﮩ٨ـ Next
#nien x reader#nien triples#triples x reader#huh yunjin x reader#le sserafim x reader#nien#hsu nien tzu#huh yunjin#le sserafim#triples#kim chaewon#miyawaki sakura#zhou xinyu#koma mayu#nakamura kazuha#seo dahyun#yoon seoyeon#ji suhyeon#hong eunchae#triples kim chaewon
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H. HOLD ON. I DIDN'T REALIZE S40 WAS STARTING BACK UP AGAIN HOLY SHIT
#para finally logs back into tumblr and gets absolutely blasted: episode 8483#its been a LOT lately but honestly when is it not??#anyways great news exciting news glad s40 is runnin again#I MISSED SEVERAL ROUNDS.
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Sunday morning sleeping in <3
#my art#glee#klaine#kurt hummel#blaine anderson#fanart#I almost didn’t wanna colour this one but I like the way it turned out#a good little lighting practice#honestly I have no clue if the light beam from the blinds is actually correct but iiii don’t care#you get the vibe#also I should really follow their example and catch some zs#its 4am what am I doinggg#thats what happens when you start a drawing at 11pm#smh#they are so soft thoughhh#I really missed them#and I’ve been wanting them as close as possible#also ive been loving the watercolour look lately#it actually makes me hate colouring a lot less haha#I can be messier#and it looks so softttt#and I like them soft <33#(well.. apart from like… ;)#okay I need to shut up and go to bed#good night and enjoy foks! <333
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hello!! i just want to tell you that your art is so goddamn scrumptious, you are literally feeding my xmen brainrot and I find myself smiling when i see your art come across my feed. I love how you draw charles, pretty privilege and post (lets be fr he's serving every time)
i hope you always have fantastic brainrot and id kiss your blessed hands for giving us the gift of cherik and charles xavier, you are literally an icon
hope you have a great day ahead of you and more!! you deserve it !!
well i'ma absolutely have a wonderful mornin after readin this AWWWW thank you so so much !!!! i haven't been postin xmen long, so it's been really heartwarmin seein the warm reception to my work in the wonderful tags people have been leavin on my posts- and especially gettin to answer the lovely asks y'all've been sendin in (❁´ ▽ `❁) !! im glad people also like my goofy text posts and esp quotes from my brother he really has no right being so funny at the most random times
i hope to be xmen posting a while: ive got at least 60 years worth of stuff to look through and ongoing, so i dont imagine my interest'll wane anytime soon :]] !!
#fave#snap chats#'xmen posting' is so generous ive been posting the same two freaks day in day out !!!!!!#my blog desc does not lie i am cherik posting near exclusively because these two have captivated my brain in such a diabolical manner#that doesnt mean i dont love the rest of the xmen cast ofc ..... its been fun getting back into this franchise more in depth this year#its funny honestly: i was more of an avengers kid growing up but like. by the SMALLEST technical margin#i Vaguely caught eps of 92 as a kid and i distinctly remember the 'real raven' scene from first class when i was a teen#because of course thats the one (1) scene i saw as a kid while channel surfing jELJEA like Hello mr lehnsherr. Your zesty turtleneck.#and mystique. hello. but it didnt really go any deeper than that ... until recently HIIIII#i missed the train like a mfer tho all Three of my friends had watched the xmen movies growing up but better late than never !!#i got into comics through my bro and he only really took me to see avengers movies and the like but avengers hasnt really. stuck with me#not in the way xmen has recently. maybe its cause im older idk i just find myself attached to it and more interested in it as a whole#BUT ENOUGH OF THAT PRATTLE thank you so much for the kind words !!! they really do mean a lot i'll cherish this ask forever#im very happy people like how i draw charles i love drawing him sm.... pretty privilege and post thats heinous vjlkjvALVJELKJ#BUT VERY TRUE HE'S ALWAYS HANDSOME THO i love me a bald mfer im so serious this is no game#dark phoenix gets my ire for having mcavoy be bald the whole time but then i have to deal with The Rest Of The Movie#he just looks so good .... i mean Granted but he just looks especially good ... do we catch my cold ... ill stop now ...#point is i look forward to drawing charles many more times in the future Bald Or Not with his ex by his side <3#i dont even wanna post this i just wanna keep readin it. and replyin to it vJEALKAEJKL BUT i must thank you ... so thank you !!!#i hope to continue makin the people happy with my silly postings :]]]
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More sketchy employee profile images. Mostly made to be able to replace the picrew I had in the template I made since I can draw. I did end up just putting it as back and white though but the color is just nice to have. I'm STILL trying to tweak the template since it is very finicky and there is an example of what it looks down below if you're interested. It is a lot. It will happen. I am just not the quickest
There are typos and inconsistencies I missed but in general it should be fine...
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#lobotomy corp agent#lobotomy corp oc#I ALMOST POSTED THIS WITH NO TAGS dude. dude. that or they got eaten which is also a high possibility#a bit lengthy with a lot of text qs well if it is decided to be looked upon. as said before it full of maybe inconsistencies and typos#the reason i keep stalling making it public is because its in GOOGLE DOCS. GOOGLE DOCS!!! and unoptimized for phone viewing so ahh... eh...#there was going to be a later part for notes but it would be around the later days so... cant reallt happen#mostly after cheseds core suppression due to ryn and him having contradictory views up to that point. ryn putting way too much effort into#their job while at that point chesed kind of gave up in a way. not going to ramble too muhc abt that its oc things but the dynamic of that#was something i wanted to talk about a bit.. that and the death of angelina but that happens LATE and near the final days#and communication is down with the rest#i wanted to make more boxes and categories but also for the ease of use i limited it. that and attempting to fit them into pages seemed lik#hell. honestly. eekk!! not up for that. included both for the sake of showcasing. i didnt finish the last ones which was going to be a#showing of an employee with not as many permissions due to ryn and angelina actually both being captains. will do that when i do showcase#and give out the actual template along with other things like images for 'transfer' like another branch#'dismissed' 'resigned' 'deceased' 'mia' which would be for things like backwards clock and wellcheers#there was so much math needed.... it was just adding and checking numbers for a timeline but still..... ew..... that and employee team shit#tried to have it somewhat believable a bit. kind of semi believable to go yeah this could be smthn that is in the corp#employee numbers were based off red shoes entry!! it had been different before but i read it in game since i got it and was like. OHH wait#.... i feel rather embarrassed to post this actually. excited but also embarrassed. likely the idea of showing something i ended up#putting hours into . its probably that. plus the fact its for original creations.... i hope itll be of use some day
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its like, hard for me to fully understand what my feminine identity is linked to. ive seen a lot of trans guys say that its their way of reclaiming their old self before transitioning, but it's not really that way for me.
my old self (pre-transition) was NOT like this. i wasnt this hyperfem when i was a lesbian girl. in fact i was the fully opposite. i was more of a baby butch/tomboy than anything
but then, transitioning into a man changed the way i felt about femininity. i'm still trying to figure out why but i might've discovered it (sort of)
i didn't just transition into a man. when i discovered im a fully binary trans man, i also discovered im pansexual. meaning: i didnt just transition into a man, i transitioned into a queer man.
and i feel like... a big part of being a queer man is having a unique relationship with both masculinity and femininity. i know there's queer men that are still masculine, but i know that a lot of them are also feminine.
i think that's where my femininity comes from, maybe. transitioning into a queer man makes it so my relationship with being fem suddenly becomes linked to my sexuality and general queerness, not my gender. like i said, i wasnt like this as a girl.
simply put: im masculine because im a man, and im feminine because im queer.
#sol.txt#trans#trans boy#gender stuff#i dont think this stuff matters that much honestly#but lately ive been struggling to feel valid as a Boy when i still like dressing fem#and i think i've figured it out?#i think im a boy because im trans and im fem because im queer#if i was a cis queer boy i'd still be fem#i just feel like people misunderstand why im fem#its not because im ´´reclaiming my femininity as a trans man who was once a woman´´#as a lot of people assume#i think its just because im a queer man#but whatever#im just trying to understand myself more
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I'm gonna just post Twitter updates for the time being... I'm still a little burnt out on posting updates but I don't want to completely get out of the habit and Twitter updates are usually the easiest to post
#instagram updates are usually a bit more interesting/people tend to interact with them more#but theyre honestly such a pain bc u cant download stuff directly#plus honestly a lot of their ig posts lately have been various brand deals which i honestly dont care about#and it may sound silly but it gets a bit depressing for me to have to keep posting it#not saying theres anything wrong with it#its just one of those aspects of the fandom im not as interested in#and when that's like.. the main thing im interacting with via updates it does not feel fun#i want to try and catch up with chinalines variety shows theyve been doing recently#so i might livepost some reactions/funny things while im watching bc i think that will be more fun#i definitely haven't lost interest in svt im super pumped to see them in concert agin even if jun wont be there :')#i just think i need to take a step back and reevaluate how im interacting with the fandom so its a bit more fun#and feels like less of a chore#thank you for being patient with me!#melia.txt
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(cw vent, sorry it's just been A Couple Of Days)
Not really having many irl friends comes at the price of feeling so terribly lonely, I feel like I have no one to talk to because I'm not close to enough people, or maybe I am and I just haven't talked to them in a while and I don't want this to be our first conversation qwq
I'm honestly just. Tired, tbh qwq
#I mostly talk to my partner#But they've been more absent lately and like they have their own life#But the second they're gone I realize I don't talk to anyone that much#I used to have someone else I spoke to daily; it was an awful friendship though and it took a lot of struggle to end it#But god; just qwq; I'm so tired of everything qwq#Honestly I'm disappointed in how upset it makes me that my partner is more absent because I know it's bc they've found a game they're into#And have been playing non-stop#They'll come telling me that they've done this and that and I'll be struggling HARD and will try to mention it at some point but#But like I wanna leave them their space to be excited but I just#Look. Look the NPD is getting to me; and I know these are not kind or fair feelings but#But I hate it here; I don't care about their game; I don't care about what they've done;#All my brain focuses on is that I've had a shitty fucking day and everything's gone wrong and they weren't here#Because they were fucking playing#And I know that's not fair for MANY reasons and that voicing all that would make me a massive asshole#And that at its core; it's more of a matter of never going anywhere; not having people to hang out with;#Not leaving my house nor talking to that many people#I feel so lonely and so fucking hollow qwq#My bag got taken away and I feel like I've lost an intrinsic part of myself#And to top it all off; I had today's exam and the project I'm doing#And my dad screaming and my period coming and all the things I have to do and how much I yearn for friends#Yet when I'm with my friends I can't wait to be alone#Man; just#I didn't wanna go this far; and I only say it here because no one's really gonna read it;#But I genuinely just wanna kill myself at this point#There's no point nor reason#I'm trying hard to enjoy life but nothing goes my way#I have so many things I want to do and nothing fucking goes my way#I'm so tired; I just want to go to sleep and not wake up; it's gnawing and clawing and it's such an ugly feeling qwq#I feel like if I cut myself I'd be even more pathetic; I wouldn't even be met with sympathy; just. Disappointment#It's been a while since I last self-harmed in a way that was visible
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eughhh i feel dumb
#one of my best friends is coming over and ive been ghosting them (like pretty much everyone) for a couple months#and i think im reading into it too much but it seems like shes upset with me? idkk but i don't wanna ask bc if she IS mad at me that means#we have to talk about it and im Not in the right state for that atm#she has every right to be upset just like everyone else but i really dont want her to be#both bc i love her and them and i don't want to hurt them and bc i honestly don't wanna have to answer for it#'yeah every time smth even remotely resembling obligation comes up my skin feels like it's gonna peel away from its body and scuttle away'#like. i should not be terrified of it but it's like my tendons are splitting and i can't close my fist around anything#it all just slips through my fingers. but i still feel like it's my fault#selfishly i just wish they wouldn't ever bring it up. me taking forever to respond and stuff#i don't really like being teased about it but i can't just hurt them and then ask them not to bring it up yk#even if i don't super feel in control of the whole responding and socializing and functioning thing#i am. really really burnt out i think#but i don't wanna make my friends feel guilty for wanting to be around me bc 1) thats normal 2) thats an honor 3) theyre not doing anything#wrong by like. texting me. it's not their fault it feels so bad#especially since im not telling them bc that is itself an obligation#every reminder of something i have to do has felt physically painful more and more#everything from doing dishes to answering texts to cleaning my room to reading a book my dad likes#every day there's a dozen reminders of how im letting the people i love down and it looks to them like i just don't care enough#and in reality my friends are and have always been understanding. i know that. im just getting really in my head about it rn#it's been building a lot this past year. i thought i was getting better but im just.. really stuck rn#ughh i wish i could cancel. and i hate that bc i miss her and i know she's gotta miss me too but we have to talk about the foster turtle#so i cant back out now. aughhhh it's so dumb i feel so helpless and useless every time i think about anything but what's right in front of#me. ive been running from everything much more consciously lately and it's fucking embarrassing and stupid and basically im just feeling.#really really lame. shitty ass body and shitty ass brain and i don't think anyone really believes me when i blame them and not me#i just have to trust in the goodness of my friends more than the badness of myself for hurting them. two titans clashing#ughh anyway. whatever#i wanna talk to one person in particular bc they don't really make me feel that obligation as much but then im like if i respond to them i#have to respond to everyone else. it's dumb. ugh if you read this acm im thinking of you sorry my brain is being difficult <3
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i feel like i’ve been WAITING for the other shoe to drop wrt people’s opinions about watcher for this very reason. not that i think the reaction is completely not understandable but the greater the parasocial relationship, the greater the fallout as soon as public opinion shifts. you don’t have a relationship with these people they’re just content creators, chill
#ready to see all the people coming out of the woodwork to say how they’ve never liked watcher/unsolved/etc#and act like it’s ‘cringe’ now that their fanbase feels ‘betrayed’#it’s great to have a fanbase but parasocial relationships will bite you in the ass every single time#it’s interesting too though because i’ve seen watcher have a LOT of support as they’ve tried to build something separate from buzzfeed#so this is the first time they’re getting real pushback about a decision they’ve made wrt shifting their platform/expanding their brand#so ig we’ll have to see how they react moving forward#but it’s soooo interesting to see how enthusiastically people dump on buzzfeed#AND how many people dump on youtube and how over the years so much of its functionality has been stripped away#how many ads you have to sit through. how much sponsored content there is now. etc#but when they try to do the same thing with youtube that they did with buzzfeed it’s like how dare you not lick their boots#because if you lick their boots and we lick their boots we can watch stuff for free#anyway.#even if you don’t any to say it’s a bad business decision. it’s not like there’s not precedent for it#1) the move away from buzzfeed was successful and 2) what about the dnd shows or whatever#don’t you guys watch those dnd shows that are ‘behind a paywall’#don’t you guys have netflix hulu disney hbo amazon etc ad nauseum that are actually owned by billion dollar corporations#don’t you guys get on your high horses about supporting independent artists all the time#it’s interesting that people will profess to be such big fans!!! and feel like they’re friends!!!!#but how dare they think their work might be worth paying for#idk. idk. it’s entitlement though#sorry for the rant i’m ALSO not trying to blindly defend a bunch of people i don’t know#but you guys are being soooo fucking annoying about it lol#anyway i’m still waiting to see what their response is going to be from here before jumping to conclusions#also to be fair i am biased to be lenient about decisions made by independent filmmakers vs big studios etc#like everybody freaking out about the ai art used in late night with the devil. who cares honestly#‘they should’ve paid a real artist!!’ idk maybe their budget didn’t cover that#i don’t want it to become the industry norm but at the end of the day i would rather see indie shit getting made then only seeing#the big studios (who don’t have equitable practices anyway!!) making shit#but that’s another conversation. just to be transparent about my viewpoint on this kind of thing#maybe controversial but also can’t we have nuance. for once.
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possibly an unpopular opinion but i feel like sjm’s writing/plotting have gone downhill, which is disappointing bc i enjoyed tog so much. i actually did like the first 4 acotar books and hoeab, but her most recent work feels like she’s trying to do too much with the maasverse and it’s not well thought out (i had so many issues with the larger world plot elements of acosf and the regression on bryce’s character arc in hosab…). it feels like as she’s gotten more and more popular, whoever her current editor is doesn’t do a good job at making her ideas work best for the overall story. i’m disappointed bc the premises have so much potential but haven’t lived up to it to me :/
send me your unpopular opinions and i’ll either let you in or not
#i haven’t read hosab but i fullyyyyy agree#people have been hoping for a crossover since acotar1 came out and i’ve been so against it since the beginning#like … i just. … :/#the very concept of a crossover stems from the fact that her universes are all nearly indistinguishably similar#and i don’t know how much of that was originally intentional (my guess is zero lol)#so to see her now doing a whole sjmcu thing is … sigh.#personally i think she does this a lot ��� where she pulls a late-game move and acts like she was laying the groundwork all along#when ‘the grohndwork’ was actually just inconsistencies and plot holes that she capitalized on later jfkfkdkd#groundwork*** lol i can’t type today#that’s how i feel about mor/az and stay w the high lord and dorian’s dad having no name and so many other things fjfkdk#i agree w you for sure but honestly i think the lack of planning hit its peak in like 2018 and it’s been a battle since then lol#anon#asked and answered#hot takes#acotar#anti sjm#(tagging for peoples filters so i don’t get yelled at 😵💫)
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#finally met my angeeellll#went on a walk just to spend time with the moon#i was so happy really#i havent seen it in a while 🥺🥺#i miss you a lot lately#idk its stupid but i do feel like#ive been like not here the past couple of days mentally#or weeks i dont know#bt release their single and i did not listen to it#but idk why#it just feels overwhelming#and i havent watched older lives either much#i dont know#it's just shittie lately#everything's overwhelming#especially his absence sigh#but i still love BT#all of them#i just really need to sort myself out before jumping into the new era ahaha#the actual album is almost getting released and im really not ready aaaa#itll be so overwhelming#idk what to do lol. Cuz i dont wanna avoid it but i dont think i can immediately listen to it#idk! sorry for the ramble#much thoughts in this tiny exhausted brain lately#Also sorry for the inactivity and all. i have some stuff in drafts but idk. i feel heavy posting them???#its stupid but i feel like its somehow disrespectful to post old content when i know the guys are moving forward??#but of course that's not the case but yes i feel so confused#and really exhausted. im sleepwalking through my life lately honestly and it's not that great 💔#but hope itll be better soon#ahhhh. i need to finish school too cuz i cant disappoint the ppl around me. and i cant disappoint myself either
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Hiii!! I just wanted to check up on you. How are you feeling? Are you doing ok? I hope you are taking care of yourself and able to enjoy the holiday as much as you can. Thinking of you ❤️
hii lovely
life has kinda quieted down some? which is good and things are going okay when im not frustrated with the rest of my family (feels like im the only one whos rly... being a caretaker at all...) but im just kinda taking it one day at a time rn
ty for checking in <3 i hope u get to spend the holiday happily as well <3
#wooahaes.ask#completely-zoned-out#ive barely been writing lately and i think im more frustrated over That than anything else#just bc its always been my outlet ykno? so not being able to do it is just.... hnnghghgh#i did get the 25 + 31 fics written and ill schedule em#maybe i can get a couple other days done and posted if i feel up to it? idk#i honestly nearly pulled the plug on them entirely like 'i dont think i can do this' but im glad i kinda just let myself have time n space#to work as i please p much since i think that helped a lot more than i thought it would#sorry abt the wonu fic when it gets posted its... definitely affected by my life rn. obvs nothing has happened Yet#but it does like. ykno. pull from it a liiiiil bit
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fuck akuroku as a ship btw not only because its pedophilic because thats obviously a huge issue. but also i think we should be able to have platonic relationships with the same amount of devotion as any romance. not everyone who loves each other is in love DEREK.
#not trying to downplay the issues with it being pedophilic because thats actually a huge issue#context for my non kh moots#as of kh3 lea/axel is roughly late 20s#maybe early 30s depending on how old he was in bbs#and roxas is (physically) 14-16 (hes only been alive for a bit over a year#but also what i want to say#axel and roxas have an amazingly written relationship#theyre two of the strongest characters in the series in terms of writing honestly#their dynamic in canon is two best friends who at the end of the day just want to stay together#but due to circumstances and also a bit of axel keeping secrets shit falls apart#when you get to kh2 roxas is gone and axel will do literally ANYTHINNG to bring him back#he doesnt care about his own life or soras or anyone else who stands in his way because he is going to get his friend back#axels role as an antagonist later in kh2 comes from his devotion#he wants roxas back. he says himself he wanted to see roxas again because he made him feel as though he had a heart#in the end he gives up and dies to protect sora#and i think a lot of people take 'he made me feel like i had a heart' out of context to say its romantic#at face value its easy to interpret it that way but in context he goes on to say 'its funny... you make me feel the same' to sora#the way i interpreted it at least wasnt that he was in love but that both roxas and sora's love for others radiated onto him#if we look at days (i know. sacrelige for a kh2 discussion. fuck you) axel is constantly questioning why roxas acts like he has a heart#he straight up asks him why he does that and roxas is confused. thats just how he is#<- context for that conversation is that roxas is upset on xions behalf because saïx called her a mistake#what he means by 'having a heart' is feeling things and caring about things and there is no inherent romantic connotation#he means in the most literal sense that roxas made him care about things. we dont know what exactly that was referencing in kh2#but we can take a pretty good fucking guess#but lets look at com for a second because theres a scene talking about the other half of that line#axel goes behind everyones back to do something to help sora and naminé and after he does he is SHOCKED to realize hes enjoying it#and then he says 'you really ARE something!' about sora#at least as of kh2 what they meant was feeling emotions. roxas made axel feel as though he had emotions. he made him feel like he could feel#anyways. what im saying is axels line could be taken as something romantic but i think its more interesting than that#i dont have enough tags left to continue word vomiting sorry </3
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tagged by @grieving4theliving 9 favorite books! I suck at remembering books I loved in the past so these are just the books I’m used to telling people are my favorite books plus some I’ve read recently plus fav series. (for series I tried to choose my fav from each but the series as a whole can also be represented)
tagging:
@loveyouslay @jordanshenessy @friendofcars @eruditetyro @lesbianjudasiscariot and anybody else who wants to!
#kinda surprised I’m putting tomorrow(x3) on here cuz I honestly thought it was a 4 star book while reading but#after I finished I realized I couldn’t stop thinking about it and I actually loved it.#been happening to me a lot lately its weird#anyway its the best standalone I’ve read in years probably so its going on here#I NEED everyone to read the marty mcconnell book (top left).#its hard to find you have to order from like a specific publishing site#but its the best poetry I’ve ever read and it legitimately has healed my soul so many times#color purple and the poisonwood bible are the answers I usually give people when I want to sound sophisticated and smart#they did change my life though. even though I think I only read tcp once#and I just remembered edward tulane the other day…. god. most heartwrenching fucking childrens book you’ll ever read#books#tag game
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