#its bad but its bad in the way you can draw well in it
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Writing your Character's "Inner Critic"
Inner Critic - a mental inner voice that criticizes and judges your actions, thoughts, and behaviors.
In the early 20th century, psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud referred to it as the “superego,” and it’s been a constant source of study ever since.
Learning to address the excesses of your critical inner voice is an important element of self-care and holistic well-being.
Popular psychology movements of today—like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT)—assist individuals with reframing their inner critic’s negative thought processes.
Negative Thoughts From Your Inner Critic
Assessing your mental health means knowing when your inner critic is doing nothing but harm. Examples of an inner voice that engages in self-destructive behaviors:
Dwelling on the past: If you regularly beat yourself up for past mistakes and regrets about life experiences, recognize that many of these thoughts are self-defeating. Your inner critic draws on memories like this to keep you incapable of growing in the present moment.
Focusing on shortcomings: Your inner critic might be a perfectionist—holding you to impossibly high standards—or just constantly echo your deepest insecurities. If you think of yourself in the second person a lot—”you’re not good enough,” “you’ll never succeed,” and so on—you might be under the thumb of your inner critic.
Worrying about the future: You might constantly think that you’ll inevitably say or do something to destroy your future prospects. Your inner critic might insist bad things are inevitable and that you should always stay in your comfort zone since you’re bound to mess things up if you color outside the lines. Heeding these judgmental demands will limit your ability to grow and enjoy all life has to offer.
Ways Meditation Helps Counter the Inner Critic
Slowing down and centering your mind can help you combat the critical inner voice in your head. Here are just five ways meditation can help you:
Empowers you with positive affirmations: Through certain types of meditation—like metta or the “lovingkindness practice”—you can use upbuilding and compassionate thoughts and mantras to anchor your sense of self-compassion and combat the worst urges of your inner critic. These affirmations help reorient your mind in a positive direction holistically.
Enables you to recognize impermanence: At the center of meditative practice is a recognition that the present moment is ever fleeting. As soon as you pay attention to one breath, your mind whisks away to some stray thought. The more you do this—always returning to the subject of meditative focus—the more you’ll see your mind divert to your inner critic’s viewpoint. It’ll become obvious as you continue to meditate that it’s just one point of view among many—and you can pay attention to its demands or ignore it just the same.
Encourages you to determine what’s of value: Not all self-criticism is bad. You should discard needlessly negative thoughts, but you can turn the inner critic into one of your best friends if you tame its voice. The equanimity brought on through meditation helps you see when a critical thought can be constructive or when you should ignore it for being untrue and damaging.
Gives you an opportunity to practice compassion: A mindfulness practice allows you to see yourself from the outside looking in—and this experience often brings about a sense of self-compassion. As you meditate, you can see and feel the damage the inner critic is doing to you from an objective standpoint. This can lead you to treat yourself more kindly and, as a result, treat others more kindly, too.
Helps you detach from your ego: Meditation allows you to reorient your sense of self-esteem away from the attachments of your ego. By distancing yourself from your ego (or “I, me, mine” thoughts) in general, you also distance yourself and even silence your inner critic. Although it might sound contradictory, thinking less about yourself, in general, can significantly boost self-confidence overall.
At its best, the inner critic is one voice among many—and you can take it or leave it.
If you can sift through these self-critical thoughts objectively and analytically, you can discover whether they’re valuable or merely detrimental and untrue.
The former can help you improve as a person; the latter will only bring you down.
At its worst, the inner critic can act as an intrusive, overpowering force—wracking you with unnecessary self-doubt and causing insecurity, depression, and anxiety.
Letting your inner critic run roughshod over you like this usually isn’t healthy.
Managing this facet of your inner dialogue can lead to positive personal growth possibilities, but left to its own devices, it can cause an overwhelming amount of negative self-talk and low self-esteem.
Source ⚜ More: Notes & References ⚜ Writing Resources PDFs
#inner critic#writing notes#character development#writeblr#writing reference#literature#writers on tumblr#dark academia#spilled ink#writing prompt#creative writing#light academia#writing inspiration#writing ideas#character building#writing resources
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you appear to draw isaac and gerard as being very physically close. cuddly even (:3c), and i want to learn more about this specific aspect because its so cute.. were they always like that? did they have to build up a lot of trust in each other first? how do they see and engage with touch? are/were they ever touch starved?
Drawing a made for the ask lalalala
First of all, thanks for the question! <3
In Gerard's case he used to touch Isaac's hands for example or shoulders to basically indicate he was safe with him and also try to communicate he wanted something more than a friendship with him when they were starting to know each other. I feel like even tho Gerard doesn't consider he's romantic himself in a traditional way i feel he actually is-- (Like when Susana Gimenez asked Charly Garcia if he was romantic and he said yes and Susana asked him "really? You like a dinner, with roses and candles??" And he said "i said im romantic, not stupid" lmao) He calls bitch pet names and cute things even tho she's always abusive towards him, he still tries, so imagine how much freedom could he have with someone like Isaac, a guy that has an anxious attachedment style. I feel he is the way he is in the game as a way of self defense, a way for him to cope with all the shit he has to go through all the time xD so he can't show much emotion or tries to hide it with humor, but in Isaac's world, this paradise isn't so bad, it's more,,, realistic. He doesn't have the constant need to hide his needs in a relationship like he used to (Well, only in private since ... its the 90s-2000s, duh). Gerard started to be more expressive with his physical touch towards Isaac as went time on, cuz of isaac's delusions of people being infected or sinful (this last one mostly because of his alters, for example, Demon) and also so Isaac could have time to process his own feelings, being someone who tries/tried to be a devoted christian this relationship felt wrong in all senses, it took him some time to accept he indeed liked him. Isaac isn't someone who would be nagging you on the streets is he saw you in, for example, a gay relationship, he's ignorant mostly, he doesn't have evil intentions (he also uses this ignorant/innocent view as a way to cope with his own emotions towards man).
While in Isaac's case, once he accepted it/half accepted it started to do your typical couple stuff, only in private, he gets mad when Gerard holds his hand on public and even tho this bothers Gerard a little bit he just can't complain, he understands but also well... his wife was much worst than this. Isaac feels safe cuddling with him, he feels like nothing wrong can happend when he's around (even tho Gerard's bad luck follows him everywhere lol), sometimes when he's having strong episodes because of his delusion it feels like he and him are the only non infected. Isaac has BPD so touch and words mean a lot to him even tho he isn't the best showing his love in a conventional way + he's non verbal for most of the time, it's like they both have two different types of autism lol
I think that's all i have to say about this at least for now, i'm still working on the ship but these types of questions really help me to understand and think of ways to improve it, thanks a lot for the question once again, i'm glad people are interested in knowing about my au/ship.
The song i used as lyrics for the drawing (i love this Tribute so much, please go check it out):
youtube
#my art#fanart#digital art#small artist#tumblr artists#postal#postal 1997#postal 2#postal 1#postal fanart#postal art#postal 1 dude#postal 2 dude#postal dude#p1#p2#p1 x p2#dudecest#art#illustration#old man yaoi#rws#postal hc#p12#hc
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1. My biggest isssue (as a POC) is when is a character POC or otherized? Do we use IRL or in world? Beau is Human, brown woman. At no point in C2 is the fact that she is brown comes up other than discriptions. Her humaness is what matters especially in the COB. She is treated the same aa Caleb. Fjord, Nott and Molly havs far more in text displays of racism towards them. Ppl dismiss jester as being "white" but insist dorian is poc. When in world they are the same colour.
2. And teiflings would be more discriminated against. I know robbie is poc and dorian is blue but hes a genasi. In the world of exandria i view him and ashton as the same race. So i see these weird arguments online and its always a cross steam trying to use both in world races and irl to prove a point. Since i am examining the world of exandria i use the races displayed there and no attention to what the people look like irl. Also it avoids unintentional sterotyping down the road
3. An example ppl drawing drow and ashton with black racial features (my own) and then someone else complaing that the fandom made the asshole and the would be villian into black men. This fanon has unintended consequences once the story is fully fleshed out. Saying Orym is non white (despite Liams art direction) is bad because people to this day are mad Marisha made beau dark. It cant be both way. This way ppl can headcanon stuff so they dont have 2 go looking for other ips for representation.
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So this is a really good point and I am, as said, an ethnic/religious minority but not a racial one and so this is how I tend to interpret this stuff in fantasy works, especially ones that have multiple species (humans, elves, etc) as it's not limited to Critical Role (ie, happens in Dragon Age too), which I think is what you're saying here but feel free to let me know if I'm wrong:
There's "is this character treated, in-world, as racialized" (which is often more contextual in a lot of fictional works in a way it is not IRL due to patterns of colonialism in our world, which is a long conversation I'm probably not equipped to articulate well, but just as an example, Fjord is racialized as a half-orc on the Menagerie Coast, but half-orcs in Yios, for example would have a very different experience). In other words, do people within the work of fiction discriminate against them on the basis of race? Anyway, as you said, Fjord, Molly, Jester, and Veth in her goblin form are treated as The Other; Fjord (and Molly, though his memory is only a few years long) grew up with this experience whereas Jester and Veth grew up, for different reasons, sheltered from or unaffected by that discrimination. Beau didn't experience racism in-world, nor did Veth in her halfling form, despite both of them being visibly nonwhite. For a Dragon Age example, Bellara, Davrin, and Antoine grew up with racism as elves, but Neve did not (and indeed comments on using her privilege as a human mage among human mages) despite being visibly nonwhite (and despite Antoine being white).
There's then "is this character treated out of world as racialized", or in other words, do fans treat them as nonwhite. This is also complicated, and this is something I can speak to as Jewish people who are not also POC experience 'conditional whiteness', ie, when right-wing people want to hate Jews we are the nonwhite infiltrator and when left-wing (and often themselves white) people want to hate them they are the white oppressor. So racist fans will hate characters who are nonwhite (like Beau) and fans trying to prove their blorbo cannot be criticized on the basis of oppression. In this case, Beau and Veth are nonwhite; Fjord and Jester often vary depending on what argument the person wants to make; Molly, as opposed to Jester, is almost NEVER drawn with nonwhite features (which frankly says a LOT of unflattering things about the white queer centering, now that I think about it); etc.
And then there's "is the actor/creator racialized in real life," ie, Robbie, Aabria, Anjali, Utkarsh, Aimee, Christian, Mica, Khary, etc are all POC and the main cast are not. Most of their characters are nonwhite, but few are racialized - Shakaste, Deanna, Bor'Dor, Opal, Deni$e, and Reani do not experience racism within this setting. Genasi (as played by Anjali, Robbie, and Taliesin) are a complicated case of being tokenized/model minority within the Empire, and the Silken Squall being inspired by native culture but their role within the world only slightly touched upon such that it's hard to draw a definitive conclusion.
And, since I referenced it in the tags elsewhere, for an NPC case: Essek is racialized by the people of the Empire (as a drow) along with the rest of the Dynasty; he is not racialized within the Dynasty and is indeed in a privileged position there; and whether or not he's treated as nonwhite by the fandom depends on whether someone wants to hate on him or defend him on the basis of identity. He is an NPC, and Matt's white, but in theory could be controlled by a nonwhite GM such as Aabria, or a nonwhite player in the way that Robbie played Cerkonos.
Anyway: completely agree that a lot of people do this in the end so that they don't have to seek out like, Desiquest or Rivals of Waterdeep or Into the Motherlands or other APs run by actual real nonwhite people either because of parasocial connections to the cast, the fact that CR has a larger fandom and they want the attention, or the fact that often they are here for white queer characters and bring in nonwhite characters (and headcanons of white characters) as some kind of armor against criticism.
I think in terms of character interpretation you do need to consider both in-world (Fjord is textually treated as the racial other to the point of self-harming to fit in; you cannot treat him as The Racial Majority in the world without being noncanonical) and out-of-world (irl people are racist towards Beau) but yeah a lot of people really want to have it both ways.
This happens a lot with queerness too - one of the big backlashes I experienced during this campaign is when I pointed out that Exandria is not, in fact, a setting with systemic homophobia and Imogen's experience of being othered in Gelvaan is an extremely bad metaphor for queerness given that she can read people's minds and almost killed two people, but it is true that people irl may be homophobic towards Imogen as a character. But again, you need to be consistent in those arguments - if you are talking about in-world racism or homophobia, you cannot bring up Imogen or Beau, who do not experience these things. If you are talking about fandom racism, you can bring up Beau. And if your issue is racism and representation in the real world, you can and should push back on (for example) people being racist towards Utkarsh for daring to exist and not know every rule of D&D when Emily Axford is onscreen but also we are watching a show of 8 white people when there are other actual plays with a more diverse cast. And yeah, fanon isn't canon and if the character is only nonwhite in your mind, it is not racist of people to disagree or to not vibe with them and it's also worth checking, if you are headcanoning someone with an identity you do not personally have, to see if you're falling into harmful stereotypes. Why are you headcanoning Orym, a character who doesn't experience in-world discrimination, played by a white man, as nonwhite, instead of seeking out works with textually nonwhite or racialized characters? And why are you incapable of accepting that sometimes you'll like a character who is not on every single axis of oppression and it's like, fine, provided you work against oppression in your real world life? If your faves are always white or always men (or, frankly, always demographically like you) then maybe take a look at yourself and who you are capable of relating to, but if you have a mixture of diverse favorite characters it's fine if not every one of them checks every single box.
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The Tale of Sir Stephen the Bold
steddie, medieval, demons, enemies to lovers, shapeshifting genitals, mpreg, mdni🔞
Based on this dope woodcut art by @lulalulens which I don’t think is on tumblr
Stephen was born with a mark over his heart. His mother worried it was a bad omen, and when she took him to be baptized, the parish priest reassured her, “It is the sword of Saint Michael. He shall be a warrior of God.”
Stephen grows up strong, devotes himself to God and to the protection of the weak. Sir Jim knights him on the battlefield, proclaims him the best fighter he’s ever trained. Says he can practically see holy light around him when he prays.
Talk of a vicious lindworm poisoning the water in a small town summons Sir Stephen to slay it. He corners the beast and takes its head, presenting it to the village priest, accepting only a blessing as payment.
From there, Sir Stephen follows reports of monsters and demons, saving the smallfolk from their terror. While fighting a demon without a face he saves a young woman—Mistress Robin claims she doesn’t need saving, helping him corner the creature. After that day they are inseparable, the dearest of friends, more like family.
Robin is the one to hear tell of a demon seducing the innocent of Hawkins. He refuses to let her come with him; Kassedemus of the silver tongue is not a trifling matter. Instead he changes the crest on his shield, so he can bring her with him in spirit, but keep her safely away from the creature.
Upon their arrival in Hawkins, Sir Stephen asks where they can find the demon, and a gaggle of children point to the outskirts. He leaves Robin at the inn after she helps him don his armor, and soon enough he feels it.
Temptation.
Desire.
Heat.
Then he sees the creature. Mostly human with wings and horns. A tail. Claws at its hands and feet. And completely naked, heavy phallus hanging between his legs.
Sir Stephen raises his sword, calls out, “Demon! I come to drive you from these lands in the name of Jesu-”
“O, so pious! So chaste! Bold Sir Stephen, here to save the day!” the demon interrupts, advancing slowly, his movements serpentine.
“Quiet, Demon! Before I cut out your tongue!”
“I thought you’d come to cut off my head.”
Shaking ever so slightly, Sir Stephen advances. “Leave these good people be.”
“Now, why would I want to do that? I’ve come here to have fun, clawed my way out of the pit! I will not leave simply because you ask, good sir knight.”
“Then I shall make you leave by force!” Sir Stephen steps closer, holds out his sword, stopping short as the point of his blade touches the creature’s breast. “I shall cast you back down, demon, into the fiery pit-”
“I have a name.”
Sir Stephen flushes. “I know.”
“Say it.”
“Kassedemus.”
“For you, Sir Stephen, I can be Kas.” He sticks out his pointed tongue, leans forward until the sword pierces his flesh, just a nick, black blood welling from the wound. “Won’t you call me Kas, sweet one?”
“I am not sweet!”
Kas sniffs deeply. “You certainly smell sweet. And wet.”
Spine stiffening, Sir Stephen feels heat at his groin. “What have you done to me?” he whispers.
“Looked into your heart. I only wish to give you your desires.” He smiles, glances down toward the codpiece of Sir Stephen’s armor. Which draws the good knight’s gaze down, the demon’s phallus suddenly erect, red and swollen, the head leaking.
Sir Stephen drops his sword. “I don’t… I do not want…”
“O, but you do.” Kas leans closer, reaches out to trace a clawed finger down Sir Stephen’s cheek. “You long for a rough touch. To be held down.” He’s close enough now to lick along the same path as his finger. “You long to be fucked.”
Eyes squeezed shut, Sir Stephen shivers, shakes his head. “I will not be tempted to sin.”
“Is pleasure a sin? Is love?”
“This is not love.”
“It could be. Give yourself to me, Stephen, and you will know nothing but the purest devotion.” Then Kas kisses him hard on the mouth, long tongue slithering inside, licking into his throat and making him choke. He smiles as he pulls back, looking on him with such love in his wide eyes. Such want. “Say you are mine.”
Gasping, Sir Stephen feels his own cock twitch, his heart pounds in his chest. He wants so terribly, he feels on fire with need. “I am yours,” he whispers, suddenly feeling cool wind over his skin. He looks down, sees that his armor and all his clothes are gone. His cock stands at attention, dwarfed by Kas’s turgid member.
Kas reaches down to grasp his smaller cock. “Mine,” he whispers, stroking him roughly, just enough to smear his wetness around. He’s gentle as he presses close, kisses down to Sir Stephen’s collarbones, guides him to the ground. As he places him on all fours. As he licks and nips at the meat of his arse.
Then his tongue licks over his hole. He spits on the tight furl, hot and viscous, and forces his tongue past the tight ring, makes him cry out. Pushes in deeper to press against the spot he knows will drive his knight to the precipice. Swirls the tip of his tongue over it incessantly. Before he can spill, Kas grabs his cods and tugs, pulls his tongue out and smiles at the beautiful mess he’s made. “You will come on my cock, Sweet Stephen, or not at all,” he purrs, moving to line himself up, spitting again on his gaping hole.
“And you will spill inside me?”
“I know that’s what you desire, sweet one. I know you wish to be filled. Bred.” His fingers cover Stephen’s belly. “I know you long for a babe of your own.”
“Can you say it? When you spill. Pretend with me?”
Kas stops short. He guides Stephen up on his knees, turns him di they are facing. “It does not need to be pretend,” he murmurs, stroking his cheek. “I told you, you will have my devotion, all your desires, now you are mine. I can be anything you wish.” He gestures down, his cock gone, replaced by the fat, wet lips of a cunt. “But I don’t think you want that, do you?” He wiggles his fingers, cock returned to its proper place. “You want to be split open. You want me to fill your womb with my seed.” He reaches down again, squeezes Stephen’s cods three times, and then they are gone. Kas leaves his cock, likes it too much, but he needs to carefully open the new cunt.
Laying Stephen down in the soft grass, he settles between his legs and licks at the fresh slit, his saliva mixing with pussy juice soon enough. He smiles again, pleased with his work, cunt red and opened, fat with blood, blooming for Kas. From there, it is easy to push inside the virgin hole, already stretched by his tongue. He rolls his hips, builds a rhythm, murmurs, “My sweet Stephen, so hot and wet and tight for me. Feels good, doesn’t it?” His hips move faster, he can feel himself about to spill. “Do you feel how I burn for you? How I fill you just right? I made your sweet cunt to be my perfect fit.”
“Perfect for you,” Stephen gasps, hips canting up to meet the final thrust.
Kas freezes as his cock pulses. “Mine. My love.” He spills hard and long and hot. “Soon, you will be carrying my child. You will be a beautiful mother.” Leaning down, his kisses his new lover sweetly, the softest one he’s ever given. “I will return for you soon.”
“You’re leaving?” Stephen asks, clinging to Kas, wiping the sweat from his back.
“You wanted me to leave Hawkins.”
“I do not want you to leave me! Not after…”
“I must make preparations. And you must return to your little bird. I do not wish to break your heart.” Kas smiles as he slips from Stephen’s cunt, cock soft. He leans down for another kiss. “I want only your happiness.”
Stephen smiles sweetly up at him, and asks, “Why? Why me?”
“Because you are mine. You have always been mine, Stephen.”
“Always?”
Kas runs a knuckle over Stephen’s heart. Over his birthmark, the jagged shape paler now than when he was a babe. “You bear my sigil.”
“So, does that mean you are mine? You came here for me?”
“Yes, beloved. I am yours, just as you are mine. Always and forever, unto the ending of the world.”
⚔️⚔️⚔️
Sir Stephen returns from the field having banished the demon. He and Robin leave Hawkins, the knight promising to lay down his sword.
Not long after, in a tavern, a smiling man with wild curls approaches the pair. “I’ve missed you,” he says, taking Stephen’s hand. “Are you well, sweet one?”
“I am well,” he answers, smiling just as big.
At the same time Robin asks, “Who are you?”
He sticks out his hand. “Call me Eddie.”
#steddie#fanfiction#stranger things fic#ficlet#mpreg#eddie munson#kas!eddie#steve harrington#fandom acts of kindness day 2
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*slowly raises hand like im in class*
I personally think TDL is in the wrong about a LOT of things, but I would like to point out that him going to attack stickfigures after those rampages or the fight with TCO is also pure speculation. Sure, he's shown to be a lot more likely to do that than TCO, but then why is the city nearby not in ruins yet? And the thing about all sites being used by humans, the point is that none of the sites shown as Virabot targets are sites likely to have stickfigures in them. What is a stick gonna do in twitter?
And why the heck would he NOT think the CG is working for Alan? That cursor came from SOMEWHERE and the CG are the only other unexpected factor in the mix, of course he would think so, and Orange is very obviously a hollowhead, something that only Alan's creations have in common.
I don't think his hatred towards Alan was ever about Chosen, if your creator gave you an impossible task that you had no idea how badly could go for you, and then just kept playing solitaire while you are left at the mercy of someone who had every right to kill you then and there, wouldn't YOU be mad?
I don't think he was ever in the right with the things he did, exept maybe throwing that Virabot at Alan's PC considering he had no way of knowing there were stickfigures there at the time (you'd think having his old PC blown up would prevent him from trying that again, and it did, its just that TSC is an anomaly even in creation) but besides that, every bad thing he did had been done with TCO at his side, and I personally think TDL never had a chance to be good.
I have a personal theory that every hollowhead reflects Alan in some way. Now, this is pure theory, no need to read this part, but here's how I think:
Victim mirrors Alan's methodical torture. Now, Vic does it more as a means to an end rather than pure entertainment, but Alan is also shown to use stickfigures, TCO was enslaved as an ad block, TDL was created to kill TCO, and TSC was allowed to live and keep his friends as long as he helped with animating. Victim torturing TCO is more of a consequence than him being that way normally, but overall Vic is a watered down version of early Alan with a tragic backstory.
TCO has the same narrow worldview, he doesn't show any signs of remorse or hesitation until they're attacking stickfigures, and Alan doesn't even consider that maybe stickfigures have emotions until TSC talked.
TSC reflects the more positive aspects of Alan, like his love for animating and ability to create life.
TDL meanwhile, reflects a LOT of early Alan. Lack of empathy and disregard for stickfigures for example, as well as creating things with the purpose of destruction, and sadism.
The thing is, TDL was never meant to value stickfigures, and I don't think he ever had the opportunity to besides Chosen. Even if they both had a say in their targets it is very likely that Chosen had been leading at the beginning, considering in AVA3 TDL was only ever shown to follow others. The only part where he could argueably be the one leading is when the icons join the fight and that is very brief.
The only possible reason I can think of as to why that nearby city hasn't been attacked yet is that either Dark has no interest in doing so or Chosen has somehow gotten over his abysmal communication skills long enough to say maybe lets not.
And even if Chosen gets all the credit for their attack on newgrounds why would Dark interact with other sticks at that point? Alan had stick Jesus show up on his PC while he was doing laundry and the only reason why TSC didn't get deleted is a freak combination of uno reverse card powers, drawing skills and the ability to talk.
I'm rambling at this point but
TL;DR Dark is absolutely in the wrong but I see him as a what if Alan had actually tried to delete TSC, you know? The only real difference is that Alan saw a last minute reason to keep TSC around and TDL didn't. So I think he could mellow out given opportunity and time but now he's dead so :/
A message to all Dark Lord defenders
As someone who is vehemently against the idea that Dark is in any way sympathetic, I invite you to try and change my mind, I want to have a conversation with you all, because I genuinely think it's interesting that so many can look at a character who I think is a completely irredeemable asshole and see something more charitable.
So go on Dark defenders, go wild, explain all of your arguments and I will do my best to argue against them (or, maybe even agree with them if I think they make sense.
#ava#tdl is my fave hollowhead#ironically the only hollowhead that alan didnt intentionally wrong#even if he didnt care about sticks he absolutely cared about his pc so he probably just didnt consider tdl could lose#the only stick he didnt try to hurt is the one that hates him the most#but is it even hate? or a cry for attention#what is worse? hate or apathy? what hurts more coming from the one who made you#the dynamic between tdl and alan is so underrated im gnashing on it like a chew toy
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hhtausune mik u 😨
hatsune miku 😨
#hatsune miku#project sekai#miku fanart#miku project sekai#the cat one#shes a cat real#hatsune miku colorful stage#wxs miku#wonderlands x showtime#wxs#how do you tag for hatsune miku :(#aggie doodes#aggie is like ms paint#its bad but its bad in the way you can draw well in it#but only on fridays
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horrible truth bomb dropped on my head 20 min ago
#I DIDNT KNOW I DIDNT KNOWWWWW#when i say damn thats crazy its bc i DO think its crazy i think a lot of things are crazy. like how birds have cloacas#or the way ppl draw a five pointed star in different ways and everyone assumes their way of doing it is how everyone does it#my brother is not letting me live this down btw he literally shouted at me like HOW DID YOU LIVE THIS LONG AND NOT PICK UP ON THAT#IDK!!! IDK I THOUGHT SOMETIMES IT COULD BE USED TO EXPRESS GENUINE SHOCK??????#he says its my delivery that makes it sound insincere bc i say it in a monotonous voice which when i think abt it YEAH....#THAT DOES MAKE IT LOOK KINDA BAD IN HINDSIGHT.....#and then i told him i keep a list of phrases that tickle my brain so i can remember to use them in conversation and apparently#most ppl dont do that bc he was like ???? stop doing that??? just let the conversation flow naturally it sounds fake>????#idk man i feel like if i did that and blurted out 'i forgot people find stuff like underwear arousing for some reason' instead of#smth like 'i wonder what kind of ppl find this kind of stuff the bees knees' like i normally do. it would. not go so well.#ALSO THE FLOW CHARTS ARENT NORMAL? i make flow charts before i call the bank or smth so i know what to say#its not just to blend in its also so i dont waste ppls time going uhhhhh as i think of how i put smth into words#its called stalling for time and i dont care if i have to say smth like thats just how the cookie crumbles if it gives me#5 more seconds to process whatever the fuck someone said without letting them think im not paying attention#doodles#diary#sona#puppysona#comics
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I guess the ultimate thing that kills CF for me - or at least nudges it away from me saying I definitively like it - is just how much Edelgard is clearly written with the player in mind before she's written with her character in mind.
Because on all of the other routes, there's a power to Edelgard's presence. Even on BE, there's a sense that for as lonely as Edelgard might be, she still ultimately will do whatever it takes for her to get what she wants. Be that be killing her citizens (or otherwise letting them be killed), endangering her friends, assisting in kidnapping people, allowing Byleth to support her only when they have the Sword of the Creator, covering for TWS - no bar is too low for her to limbo under if doing so means she's even a step closer to her goals.
She's manipulative! She's deceitful! She doesn't care for the lives of her people! Even her friends are forfeit if they try to stand in her way! And this happens no matter how close you, the player, get to her, in the case of BE - C+ ain't stoppin' Remire, and going to the coronation ain't stopping the Holy Tomb.
And in the war phase, she is dominating the field. She has the Kingdom completely on the ropes, down to a few houses standing against Imperial rule, and the Alliance is stuck in neutrality - she may not be able to do much to it, but neither can they do anything to her (to say nothing of the Alliance houses who stand with her). She's far from the underdog in this race, and she shows off how threatening she can be.
CF? Her route?
She scweams at scawy rats. She gets embawwassed when you find her dwawings. She's just so wonewy, and she's just so gwad that you chose her. She somehow fails to capture Rhea, or frame Dimitri for regicide, and so now has to deal with that on the Kingdom's side of the war. But that doesn't stop Elly Welly-kins fwom twying to find her pwecious teacher, because you're just so important to her. She cwies and hugs you when you meet her in the Goddess Tower!! Because she missed you so much!!
It's like... Dimitri and Claude certainly show different sides of themselves on their respective routes. It's the whole point! You grow closer to them and thus see how they treat those close to them, as opposed to being the Kinda Neat Teacher they see run along every now and then. But, like... Claude doesn't become a blushing maiden whenever Byleth speaks with him on VW. Dimitri doesn't scream at scary rats and get called cute for it on AM. They don't get Basic Bitch Gap Moe Traits slapped onto them that are only ever shown to the player and only on their routes. Unlike Edelgard.
Dimitri's endearing trait is that he's this big huge dude who can bench-press forests and arm-wrestle god who still wants to learn to sew and who teaches kids to protect themselves and who buys candies for his friends. Claude's endearing trait is that he's this mastermind planner who has contingency and lie and obfuscation as three separate legal government names who still wants everyone to be safe and happy and hold hands and be friends.
Edelgard is strong, confident, and willing to do some of the shittiest things known to man for her goals. Her endearing trait is that her screams are cute. She's shy about her drawings of the player character. She blushes over the player potentially joking about having sex with her per her JPN version of her C support; you know, the one about how Byleth walks in on Edelgard muttering in her sleep from a nightmare about her tortured family? Perfect time to joke about fucking her! Dimitri and Claude's endearments are, well, endearing; Edelgard's are all straight up embarrassing for her.
Hell, even the smaller stuff is affected! Claude's passion for poisons and mushrooms are things he has no qualms about having others know about, despite how weird they are. Dimitri laughing at shitty jokes brings him no personal discomfort or embarrassment, despite just how loudly he laughs at them. They have traits to them that can easily be uwu worthy, and they don't care! Of the lords, only Edelgard does! Because, it feels like, the only way for a strong, resolute female character to come off as approachable is if she's knocked down a few pegs for specifically and only you, the player.
And that sucks ass! I'm sorry, but when I'm playing Edelgard's route I don't want to deal with her hiding herself away in her room for a month IN THE MIDDLE OF HER FUCKING WAR because she's just so embawwassed! It is so fucking insensitive that Edelgard is literally the only lord of the three who can have her trauma openly belittled at any point in the story by Byleth, all to have some cheap cutesy uwu moment about her fear of rats (calling her screaming in fear cute and INSISTING that it's really cute which is just. Fucking ew man)! Why can we fucking mock Edelgard's manner of speech during the MASSACRE OF REMIRE?
This shit doesn't happen to Claude or Dimitri! And saying "oh just don't pick those options then" is bullshit because no equivalent options exist for the male lords! It's piss-boilingly annoying that the second you choose to see things from the strong confident villainous ambitious female lord's perspective you can reduce her down to this bumbling moeblob just for you (sometimes unavoidably!) like!! Dude!
#legit not even sure what to tag this because for once I'm going to bat for Edelgard LMAO her writing treats her BAD when it comes to this#this is also a huge thing that fucks me off from liking Edel/eth because Byleth can be SUCH a huge fucking dick to her for no reason#and can be UNIQUELY mean to her for no reason. off the cuff i can't think of another character you can have Byleth act like this to#and most of this shit is well before Byleth as a character has any real reason to actively dislike her so they're just.#bullying Edelgard for fun?? I guess??#among uh. other reasons the ship doesn't exactly Work Out lmao#but yeah for CF it really REALLY brings down my ability to enjoy it fully despite me REALLY wanting to#because it encapsulates just how like. shallowly Edelgard can be written?#because it's not just that no character can meaningfully react to everything she's done (though that is a huge factor too)#but also as SOON as the writing wants you to REALLY like her it goes out of its way to diminish her powerful presence and UwU her#and not to say that she doesn't have her powerful moments - she does! and they're really great to see!#but that her cutesy moments stand out SO much BECAUSE the other two lords very noticeably have nothing akin to that for them#like. you can't jokingly call Claude a loser for having no friends growing up due to the racism he faced#you can't pretend to be one of voices Dimitri hears to fuck with him#you straight up CANNOT joke about their trauma which like. duh?? why would you??#but Edelgard just woke up from a horrible nightmare and that's just the perfect setup for a sex joke#and it's perfectly fine to joke about forgetting what Edelgard said about her trauma she opened up to them about cuz ''she said to forget''#and it's a-okay for Byleth to brush off her opening up about why she has a rat phobia to embarrass her over drawing them#WHY CAN YOU DO THIS. or better yet WHY *CAN'T* YOU DO THIS TO THE OTHER TWO.#it is just so brazenly sexist and i hate it every time i think about it 😭
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Collection of edits from this comic with Disco Elysium dialogue.
#What do I even tag this#mdzs#mdzs disco elysium au#There are so many line that work very well for them. Alas I was constrained by the panels I had.#So many hbd and kim conversations fit the wangxian dynamic its unreal.#Once again I am politely holding out Disco Elysium as a recommendation: So long as you are aware of it's content and warnings.#It is truly one of the most hopeful games about trauma and despair. It is hilarious in a way that frames the tragedy perfectly.#Be warned that it is a dark and heavy read. But it is truly a life changing experience.#It helped my get out of a bad place in realizing how much I was hurting myself by trying to hold onto the past and regrets.#Go in as blind as you can. If you are ready for it - you will not regret playing this game.#In other news...yeah okay so I meant to spend the rest of my saturday drawing more pd-mdzs#Then I started watching Link Click.... oops where did the time go?#Permit me another day of stalling and I will have comics coming soon. Might sprinkle some LC doodles in the mix too.
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hey psst c'mere... no a little closer... a little closer- there we go
Loop lips are part of a racist caricature of Black people. Stop drawing Black characters with loop lips. I don't care how they look in canon, it's racist.
okay that's all you can go
#one piece#usopp#goes for other black characters too but this is the one that comes to mind rn.#not gonna get into other shit like 'lightening their skin to make them look prettier teehee'#or 'but they look better with wavy/straight hair!¡!!' or any of the number of other stuff ive seen#bc like. im not even sure folks can handle this one simple thing lmao#many people are great about this but theres still quite a few who are ass#'um! well the creator did it this way and i like him! and he did it on his white characters too!' dont give a shit.#stop drawing racist caricatures. i like op too but im not riding that guy's dick and twisting myaelf in knots trying to justify all his BS#we can agree he's bad at drawing women and he fumbles how he handles queer characters (sometimes. this is mostly referring to momoiro)#but you can't listen to folks who are constantly saying 'hey this is a racist depiction of black people. please dont draw like that'#like???#im gonna keep it 100 with you guys. i love one piece. its got me through some dark times. ive loved it for a long long time#i dont expect the creator to ever give me the time of day#but english fandom? english fandom i can change. and english fandom i can hold to a BARE MINIMUM standard of 'dont be racist'#and yet i still get disappointed. far more often than i should.#ignorance is one thing but the people who DOUBLE DOWN are the worst#thanks for telling me you prioritize your comfort over not being wildly offensive to me and people like me#idfk where i was going with this im just so goddamn tired#if u wanna know more about what im talking about in the post just look up the wiki for minstrel shows & jim crow
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feel like im so so so close to unlocking a higher level of thinking about art google search how to induce brain blast
#that thing about how nobody draws the way i want to draw but realizing past cheye#made the art i wanna be making but better.#thinking about how the struggle with my art is how there's so many ways to draw something or someone#and obvs i have my preferred ways which leads to ''style'' but it still makes it hard to Choose.#as well as tell if it looks good or not#nothing ever has to be the same#the way i also struggle to get inspired bc i struggle to find ppl drawing Weird or Ugly art.#not being able to relate to a lot of general inspiration because it all looks the same.#twitter post heres my hot oc with 1M likes and its the same face the artist draws everyone with which is the same#face everyone draws to denote an attractive person. next.#*i* want to and should make things far outside of this. everything can be drawn in any and every way#my only struggle rn is i still dont have fundamentals down. truly and really. if i could make something look#good bad on purpose instead of bad bad id be home free#how do i get there i need to get there#its like how if you look at ana/tola Howard's work there's lots of things that dont look '''right''' but they look Good. how? how?#i wanna get there#talkys
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a once in a lifetime miracle: oc art!! this is Shiva.
doodles from a month or so, but i cant really draw properly right now. but i wanted to do something meanwhile so i colored these :33
#oc art#i would explain a bit about Shiva but i think its way funnier if leave these images here without any context#it is up for you to guess what this thing is meant to be and what it's thinking#anyway about my drawing predictment this month#IT IS ART FIGHT MONTH and IM JEALOUS!! IM JEALOUS!!! want to participate SO BAD but i can't so i had to make SOMETHING#even if it was coloring month old doodles because i cant reallt draw properly rigjt now😞#my body knows its art fight month and taunts me by making my hands hurt more than usual😭#and the flood is coming too and its like... you know what?? you can't draw now we say no#the uterus says no the hormones say no#so i cant really draw properly even outside of artfight right now BWUAHHH😭😭😭 please be patient#a bit sad because this is the second year i cant participate over this YET TO BE CLINICALLY DIAGNOSED PERSISTANT PAIN OF 2 YEARS#((glance at medical system i hate the medical system here its so bad might as well have lit money on fire by this point😭))#BUT ANYWAY I AM STILL FULL OF IDEAS THOUGH#SO ONCE THE FLOOD IS OVER I HAVE AN IDEA OF WHAT TO DO!!!!! i just cant get my brain to work properly right now WWW#so do not worry... you will all be fed... I'll survive the hand pain of july🩷... HOPEFULLY DUNNO HOW TO TURN IT DOWN A BIT#please pray for the daily body pains to be lowered to their usual level so i can use my hands again once the flood is over thank you😊
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Video essayists need to get meaner i cant fucking take it how do you release an almost 3 hour video on the transphobia in south park and then comment ummmm its okay if you still like it though and "learned important lessons" from south park??????????? Fucking south park????????????
#Listen i get it you attract more flies with honey rather than vinegar south park fans arent gonna change their minds if you call them racist#Transphobic pieces of shit to their face but like who cares if you piss them off theyre racist transphobic pieces of shit and again you mad#A 3 hour long video for WHAT then if youre gonna try and have it both ways and say this is extremely harmful but umm if you like it its fin#On one hand yes being a trans woman anywhere is a precarious enough position let alone when you actually start discussing transmisogyny and#I get not wanting to invite any more harrassment but again.....you made a 3 hour long video about this can you commit to this#Or not? Especially when youre white and youre showing clips not only containing transmisogyny but racism as well because the whole show is#Fucking coated in bigotry of every kind and you cant even be like hey maybe......dont watch this show????#And yeah of course media you like is gonna have bad shit to some degree but we can all draw a line at SOUTH PARK RIGHT??? Fucking SOUTH PAR#Anyways good morning everypony
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i shouldve played pokemon violet in spanish....
#on top of being good practice i bet it wouldve kept me more engaged....#but if i restart now#what if replaying the same stuff makes me disengaged again but in a different way.....#i have not touched the game in months and im not even halfway thru it argh.#i wont touch it today anyways i have to clean a bunch of shit. but still i find time to agonize over inconsequential things#adddna#also to be clear 'im not engaged' doesnt mean its a bad game. it means im a shit ass gamer#i am. NOTABLY. bad at engaging with games the way that youre supposed to.#its a miracle pkmn sun & legends arceus went as well as they did#but alas. the amount of free choice in violet makes my little pea brain confused#legends arceus was my max capacity for open world story driven games i guess.#'dont you own breath of the wild' i sure do. i havent played it in over a year i think. maybe 2!#and girl you KNOW i am even LESS close to halfway thru that one#'hows spore different' theres not a story im just encouraged to fuck around! its like an art program. to me :)#meanwhile in violet and botw i cant draw on things. i cant make a little guy of my own. &i can barely play dress up#im supposed to be entertained by GAME mechanics???? in the VIDEOS GAME??? and not just creative tools and/or linear narrative???#bull shit . game mechanic of skill is nothing but agony for sydney. the least you could do is give me a good consolation dress up game.
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n one gets him like i do no one understands him like me no one is as insane about him as i am STARTS GNAWING AT THE THE BARS OF MY ENCLSOURE
#toxi.txt#and yet i feel bad for the way i love him because at what point does love for a fictional character simply become sad and pathetic#ive only grown more irritated the more ive started to love him. more annoyed than ive ever been by skinny williams. by bad characterization#by the way i feel like im in my own echo chamber and cant truly talk about him with anybody else because they dont get it -#or because ive talked of him so much its become irritating and annoying and no one wants to hear it anymore#but its not like i can just stop. i wouldnt want to even if i could. he makes me happy#at some point the love is simply... neglect for everything else. im sure people are tired of seeing me draw him over and over and over#and isnt it ridiculous? that i feel like a bad person just for loving a character?#but the amount of people who actually like william continues to dwindle#his tag is quiet and it only gets quieter and sometimes the only people who speak are thise who dont understand him#its a loneliness of my own design other times. its not like like-minded people dont exist#and i guess also#how long can you siphon a well until it runs dry?#i already lack creativity. it's been worse this month or so than ever. maybe sometimes theres nothing else to be done#maybe im only ever repeating myself saying things ive said before. maybe i have nothing good to say at all
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coming to the horrifying realization that i actually do want to be an artist while fully knowing how dumb and ill advised that is
#*****NOT actually in a career way#i want to like. be known as an artist i want to have people like my work on mass i want my art to stand on its own#i feel like people only like my art as like a friendly gesture towards me shelby and it doesnt really stand up on its own#(it being fanart doesn't help....i want to change thag i have ideas about original content but thats a whole other thing)#and idk i want to. create skilled work. and for people to know that about me that i can do that and like it LOL#i also do have enjoyment and love for art ive been thinking about art more and more lately even if i havent been drawing......#its not just an ego thing but yes its a little bit of an ego thing i think very justifiable (cope)#idk. i was thinking about like revamping and trying to organize my art better and my art accounts and accounts in general#my art does pretty bag algorithmically#and i dont want to change the content but i wonder if there is#actions I can do to become more like algorithm friendly as in size of canvas#layout formatting composition color etc etc yknow. jazz it up make it ''punchy'' make it more eye-catching to the mobile#experience LOL#there r definitely pieces that really do well bcs of their layout which im bad at esp on twitter#i need neeed to use twitter more for art actually#i always just refresh the for you and its actually pretty good at finding me different artists I actually like which....no other platform is#doing for me rn Pinterest sucks i keep going there for art inspo but it takes so long to like#hit a vein of good images......
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