#its a very i didnt need their attention anyways im just fine on my own im too good for that anyways

[dodgeryy]

"Don't compliment a narcissist you'll feed their ego"

So actually the gradiosity is activated when I am ignored/neglected or not complimented. You think the trigger of my traumagenic disorder is??? Compliments???

Guys i was complimented too much and constsntly cared for as a kid and now if ur nice to me it makea me a crazy ego maniac. I will only be normal if you treat me like garbage and ignore me that is good for a person for sure.

[coldlovehotblood]

SNOW-KISSED SERENADE

izzy makes up for missed time by making christmas unforgettable

w/c: 3,264

warnings: izzy is disgustingly cute

a/n: this is an early christmas gift for my bff violet @rocknrolldecadence ! sorry for taking so long queen… IM ONLY AN HOUR LATE ITS FINE ITS FINE *sweats* anyway i hope you all enjoy some more izzy fluff. merry christmas! <333

divider by @/strangergraphics

You had been suspicious for quite some time.

Usually, your boyfriend wouldn't care if you were in the room while he worked. In fact, he often invited you to join him, insisting you sit beside him either in the studio or on the sofa of your apartment as he tested different chords and scribbled down a line or two. You didn’t have to talk to him or be quiet or help, all he asked was that you sat with him. The few times you questioned why he requested such a thing, he replied with a shrug, saying ‘I just like you close.’

But as your relationship progressed, he slowly asked for you to come to the studio less, instead asking for privacy. Of course, you respected this. Really, his music-making process was none of your business, and it wasn't like you fully paid attention to what he was doing every time you accompanied him. With this in mind, it didn’t bother you. However, when the conversation steered towards songwriting or what he was currently working on, he changed the subject. That was strange for your normally very communicative Izzy who freely blabbed about anything that was on his mind around you.

Again, you respected the boundary he placed, but that didnt mean you kept a cap on your curiosity. Holding your tongue was easier than holding back wandering thoughts. It hurt to be shown that he did not feel comfortable sharing his art anymore, but you said nothing. There was no point prying, as over the years you learnt that was the quickest way to put him off talking about or admitting anything.

It got to a point where if you walked into the room and his lyric notebook was lying open in front of him, guitar sitting neatly in his lap, he’d lurch forward from where he sat, no matter how comfy he seemed, and snapped the book closed, body rigid, eyes a little frantic. Maybe even panicked.

After a couple of months of this, you decided one December that you'd get to the bottom of it.

Christmas had been drawing closer and closer, and you still didnt have any idea what you were going to gift Izzy. You had tried to subtly bring it up in conversations for a week or two, but he caught you every time, fondly kissing your cheek and telling you he didnt need anything. You would never turn down one of his kisses, but they were very unhelpful with your search.

Eventually, you settled on getting him some essentials and a custom engraved dog tag necklace. Peel back the layers of rockstar and he was a simple man. You knew that, no matter what you got him, he’d give you a big, glowing, toothy smile and a hug.

It was Christmas eve when you picked the necklace up from the shop, his name crisply engraved into the shiny silver tag, and he had come to your apartment to share a takeout dinner. He hadn't seen you for a couple of days and had begged previously over the phone to stay the night, promising to pay for the food in a childish, whiney voice. You couldn't deny him. You just had to pray he wouldn't find the hidden, snowflake decorated gift bag you had hidden.

A knock sounded from the door as you stood wiping down the last bit of your kitchen counters. You had decided to tidy up before he came to stay, as you knew he would rope you into evenings spent lounging around, on and off napping and staying firmly within each other's hold. No complaints, but this usually meant that, with each day he spent with you, your apartment became more and more messy. Not a big deal, but it was easier to clean when the disarray was built from a clean slate, not the beginnings of your own messes.

You almost skipped to the door with how excited you were. It was always fun when he came to stay. You had missed him. He’d spent a couple of days holed up with the band in some recording studio, working hard on their next big project. He often became fully absorbed by whatever he was doing so contact with you would become sparse. You knew him well enough to not panic when radio silence came. It was hard to complain about it when the fruit of his labour tasted so sweet. Guns n’ Roses, as a unit, were so hard working and it showed in the quality of their music. Izzy was simply dedicated to his craft. It was one of the things you found most endearing about him. You admired his passion.

He was looking at his boots when you opened the door, head coming up instantly when you said hello. He was carrying a guitar case on his back and wearing less than sensible clothing, black button up shirt open halfway, partially exposing his chest. This, paired with ripped jeans and only a beaten up leather jacket to fend off the nip in the air, you decided he was one of the stupidest people you had ever met.

“Do you have a death wish?” you asked as he leaned down to kiss you. He just laughed against your lips and moved the two of you further into the apartment, one of his cold hands finding the side of your face, the other resting easily on your hip.

“Damn, miss me that much?”

“I'm talking about your outfit. Izzy, it's leaning towards minus numbers out there and you're dressed in ripped jeans with your chest bared to the wind? Are you looking to get sick?”

“I’m so hot, the cold doesn't get to me. I think I recall us having this conversation–”

“Shut up, weirdo,” you rolled your eyes and kissed his cheek before pulling away.

He muttered something about your apartment being cosy and you repeated with playful anger that he was stupid. He argued that it was worth it because he looked good. To be fair, he did. In fact, he looked amazing. He always had in your eyes. So naturally handsome he sometimes took your breath away just by standing there. But however well put together his outfit looked, it was ridiculous considering the weather, every slight breeze whispering with the promise of thick frost and snow. That view of his chest was gorgeous but tempted the low temperatures to pierce right through him. You couldn't have him getting sick.

“What do you wanna eat?” you asked as he shrugged the guitar case off of his back, letting it lean against the side of your sofa.

“I don’t mind. Just name somewhere and I’ll give you the money.”

“You know, I was joking when I said you have to pay for it. We can split like normal.”

“No, I feel bad for being away for so long. Let me treat you. And anyway, it's Christmas tomorrow. Consider this one of my gifts to you.”

You argued for a short while and ended up chasing him with cash in your hand, insisting he take it. He just shouted a quick ‘Love you!’ before running out your door, slamming it closed to make sure you couldn't grab him by one of his sleeves. You huffed in defeat.

Damn him and his long legs.

He came back maybe twenty minutes later, two pizza boxes in hand, and you ended up eating sat in front of the TV, a thick blanket thrown over your tangled legs. It was so nice to have him back and beside you where you could feel the mass of his body against your side. Sure, hearing from him on the phone and talking was great, but being able to actually touch him, wrap an arm around his and put your head on his shoulder, was so much better.

You thought it was your imagination, but as time went on and the two of you got closer to finishing your food, the movie playing drawing to a close, Izzy started to tense up. If he was uncomfortable, he was masking it well on his face, but from how you leaned against him, you were able to feel how his shoulders were tightening and you saw his fingers curl into fists over the blanket.

Eventually, the credits began and the two of you got up to dispose of your empty pizza boxes. You were in a fantastic mood and couldn't wipe the pleased smile off of your face. You didn’t want to. This was an ideal Christmas.

“Should I give you your gifts now? Or should we wait for the morning? You don't have to open them now, but I'd rather just have them out before I wake up too groggy to remember where they're hidden.”

You saw the way his Adam's apple bobbed and eyes widened at the mention of gifts.

“Now?

“Yeah. Do you want to wait? I don't mind…” you trailed off when you saw him bite his lip and look down slightly, realising what was happening.

Was he nervous?

He didn’t reply to you so you said his name softly, startling him out of whatever daze his head brought him into.

“Um, actually, before you do, can we go sit again?”

“Whats wrong? Did you not get me anything?” you laughed nudging him.

“Well,” he took a small breath, “Yes and no?”

You tilted your head, not understanding. He ran a hand through his hair, still nibbling on his lower lip.

“Just come sit and I’ll explain.”

You started to suspect he forgot to get you something. You wouldn't have been angry– he'd been busy for the past week for goodness sake! Was he afraid you would blow up at him for it? No, you didn’t want him thinking like that. His presence meant everything, and even that alone was enough of a gift for you that Christmas. You opened your mouth to reassure him of this, but he simply held gentle fingers over your mouth before guiding you to sit on the floor with him, the two of you leaning against the front of your sofa.

He was still biting his lip, and the skin was turning to an irritated red, so you reached forward and carefully eased it from between his teeth

“You'll hurt yourself, love.”

His eyes widened again and he looked at you with an expression you couldn't decipher.

“You know, I won't be mad if you haven’t bought anything. That’s not what I’m looking for at Christmas. If that’s what this is, there's no need to worry.”

“No, it's not that, it's just…” he took a second, and you let him have it, “I have a gift, but its not something physical, if that makes any sense.”

You nodded your head and observed him as he sat there, no longer looking at you but rather keeping his gaze carefully on the floor. He took one more deep breath before reaching for his guitar case and placing it in front of the two of you.

For some reason, this felt like a moment– a movement for him and your relationship. Nothing was moving out of place, per se, but rather, moving in and adding to the solid connection between the two of you. The air was vulnerable as you sat there, watching him take in very intentional breaths. You could tell that, for some reason, he was incredibly nervous, and how you reacted to whatever happened next mattered. So, you didn’t move an inch and let him take his time, keeping your face carefully neutral but encouraging.

You could be patient for however long he needed.

“As you know, I've been working on a lot of music lately, and I’ve spent the majority of my time in a studio. I’m sorry for not being with you as much as I should be.”

You shook your head.

“No need to apologise. I honestly don’t mind. I know how much music means to you, Izzy. I would never take you away from your passion. Hell, it's your job.”

His eyes met yours again for a split second before he returned his gaze to the floor. His hands had begun to fiddle with the end of the blanket the two of you had abandoned previously.

“Thank you. I honestly don't deserve you. I’ve been more caught up in making music because I've been… more inspired in the last few months than I have in years.”

You smiled. That was genuinely great to hear. It pleased you to know he was doing well. His happiness rubbed off on you.

“And,” he continued, now looking up,” I suppose I have you to thank for that.”

“Huh?”

“Remember when I used to ask you to sit with me in the studio?”

You nodded.

“It’s because you inspire me. I found that writing became easy with you there because you've been the root of all of my ideas. Ever since we met actually, you've inspired so many different things.”

His ears started to redden and your heart skipped with pure molten love and excitement. You could've genuinely leapt to your feet and sprung comically high like a cartoon, screaming with joy. That was so special. You couldn't believe what you were hearing. You kept the same gentle and relaxed demeanour as before, but it was useless to try and hold back the giddy smile that took over your whole face.

“Is this why you’ve been so protective over your work?”

“Um, yeah. I didn’t mean to be so secretive, it’s just kind of… Kind of,” he looked away, that same beet red that grew on his ears now starting to come to his neck and cheeks.

“Kind of..?” you encouraged.

He took a peek at you before sighing, exasperated from having to be so honest.

“It’s embarrassing, okay? You probably think I’m fucking weird or something now.”

“No, Izzy. Actually, its quite the opposite. I think thats so sweet. I’m seriously so honoured to be an inspiration. You know how much I admire your work.”

He seemed surprised by your reaction.

“R-really?”

“Yes!”

He visibly became more relaxed, slumping a bit further against the sofa behind him.

“Oh thank God,” he breathed.

“Don’t tell me this is what you were so nervous about.”

“It is. I was going to buy you some clothes or something originally, but I thought, instead, I could show what I wrote for you. I burned a CD with a few of them on it for you too.”

Your mouth fell open. A few of them? Did you hear that right? He reached to open his case now and handed you a CD before taking the instrument out. You took it and looked at the front of the case. There was a paper slipped in the back of the plastic, on it, your name was written in neat cursive with a heart on the end. You genuinely could not believe what you were looking at.

He strummed experimentally, seeing if each string was in tune. You set it down and looked at him, eyes soft.

You were filled with so much love you could almost feel it coming up your throat. He didn’t realise just how much all of this meant to you, and you could tell. He was more at ease now, knowing that you were more than pleased with all of this. But you knew with the way the corner of his mouth raised once happy with the tuning of his guitar that he was unaware of just how incredible what he had done was.

You felt special. You felt loved.

“I was going to do this tomorrow, but now feels better. I’ll play you my favourite one, okay?”

You could only nod.

He began, and you were instantly enchanted. You paid careful attention to every chord, every word, every syllable. It was impossible not to. Everything about him demanded you look. He drew you in like that. The way his voice was filling the space made you want to lean in closer and maybe lean your head against his chest, but again, you didn’t dare move. The last thing you wanted to do was throw him off and scare him from ever doing something like this again.

He had been so brave and honest. You could tell that it took a lot of courage for him to tell you about this little secret. Izzy could be sappy every now and again, but playfully so. He was rarely so open. He was being open and vulnerable. Sincere. He had even flushed the sweetest red for you.

It was futile trying to stop the tears from forming in your lash line.

He finished with a final strum and his gaze returned to you once again, that unsure expression returning.

“What do you think?”

You sniffed before swaying forward and wrapping your arms around his shoulders. He quickly put his guitar aside and made space for you, tilting his head to let your own fall to the crook of his neck. He put a cheek against your crown and laughed gently as you kissed all the skin you could from where you were tucked away, salty streams wetting your face as you cried. They weren’t just happy tears, but the result of being so stuffed with true, unwavering love you didn’t know where to put it, so it flooded out of you.

“I'm assuming those are positive tears,” Izzy spoke. You didn’t need to see his face to know he was smirking. You could hear it in his words.

You pressed closer, seeking the vibrations that his voice brought.

“You are so dumb for thinking I'd call you weird,” you said, muffled by how you were positioned.

“How was I supposed to know how you’d react? There’s no way to casually say ‘Hey! You’ve been my muse since our first meeting and you’re the first thing that comes to mind when it’s quiet!’ I sound insane,” he huffed dryly.

You gave a scoff as your tears started slowing.

“I love you for you. This was really thoughtful and I’m a mess because of it. Are these tears not proof enough of my appreciation?” you joked, pulling away from his neck to look at him. “Should I run around like a headless chicken and explode into flames to show how this makes me feel?”

He let out a full laugh at that, making you smile once again. You noticed from the corner of your eye through the glass of the window that there were white flakes dancing in the breeze and you gasped, turning and pointing.

“Izzy, it’s snowing!”

“So it is.”

You took a moment to watch it fall like feathers against the black drape of night, contrasting colours striking. Beautiful.

The living room settled into true syrupy peace as you melted against your boyfriend's chest once again, eyes still steady on the sight outside. With the warm tangerine glow of display lights you’d wrapped around the TV stand, you felt a memory slip itself into place inside your mind.

You knew you would never forget that moment.

Izzy pressed a soft kiss to your hairline.

“Love you, sweetheart. Merry Christmas.”

“Love you too, idiot.”

“Hey!”

Silence came again, and you didn’t realise your eyelids were drooping. It was just so comfortable on his lap, his body heat bleeding into your skin so easily.

You had finally figured out what it was he was hiding.

‘Case closed’ you snorted internally, before drifting off, head blissfully empty.

[darkniters]

i wrote this in 2022, please enjoy

-

sitting by your pc, you're not really paying much attention to the monitors, but more blindly scrolling on your phone. seeing your creator friends making tweets come up on the timeline, and even getting some interactions yourself.

you've got one ear under your headphones, the other laying limp behind your ears, when suddenly a familiar notification chimes from your pc, the same on your phone.

you've received a discord message! but sitting in a ball on a chair seems much more appealing right now, maybe the notification can sit for a bit?

the thought wasn't properly considered, as you were already leaning forward to move your mouse, clicking on the messaging application.

it's a dm from ted!

the single way conversation read as such:

YOU.

you better answer you stupid son of a bitch or i will rain hellfire upon you

HURRY UP

they were all sent within the same minute.

pls be nice to me ted nippleson

what do you want, i have no more corpses in supply, you're gonna need to wait another week for that.

are you INSANE

i do not CARE for your pitiful corpses, fool

however i have made you something (oooh ted i wonder what it is)

you couldn't deny you were weary of what ted prepared for you, but curiosity consumed you as you continued to type on your keyboard with satisfying clicks.

i am very frightened ted

have i ever told you that you are a very scary man

nope, but its good to know that i have that sort of power against you.

anyways, i hope you like this, took me a bit to put together

[ link ]

looking over the link, it sent you to spotify, and you clicked into it. a gasp escaped your throat.

ted made you a playlist! and it had some of your favorite songs and some of his own. this was the first time anyone ever made you a playlist, and you were deeply touched by it. another discord message was sent.

it was very difficult to put together, please oh please im begging on my knees make more playlists public i can't keep guessing the songs you like from twitch con 2 years ago.

ted you actually got it super on point, very impressive top man!

yea cause im never wrong (y/n)

you switch the playlist on, it didnt seem to be in a liminal order. scanning through the songs, he was REALLY on point. you read the description of the playlist.

whats up pussy supreme (you are scared of me, admit it)

you've been on the ted nivison brain waves recently, and yea we talk and game a lot but i feel like a thank you is in order, so check it out! a playlist of the shit you listen to (and some of what i listen to too)

thank you for taking quality time out of your life to talk with my stupid ass

reading this, a smile never left your face. the fact that he even did this in the first place was just so nice!

DUDE you killed that shit

i gotta like make something in return

you silly goose

the reason i made the playlist to arch over both of our music tastes is so you dont need to do anything!

YOURE DEBT FREE

DUDE ILL FEEL BAD

ILL HAVE SOMETHING READY IN A FEW DAYS

NO LEAVE IT ITS FINE

I JUST MADE IT CAUSE WE TALK ALL THE TIME AND WE GAME TOGETHER

I DONT NEED SOMETHING BACK YOU USING YOUR TIME TO TALK IS ENOUGH

PLEASE

ITS OKAY

naaaah i'll make you something for sure dude

spending my time is bare minimum, you do the same with me!

new songs keep playing during the conversation, but when 4:00 comes around, teds gotta head out

alright wise guy

you're lucky i have a video to record right now

or else this would continue

enjoy recording dude, im gonna keep listening to this playlist that you've created for my fine ass

FINE???

YOU ARE THE GOOFIEST MOTHER FUCKER IVE EVER MET

DO NOT CALL YOURSELF FINE

BITCH

D:

i hope your video corrupts

and you

shit yourself during recording

and you lose power

YOU DONT MEAN THAT

I DO????

conversation then fizzled out.

you took one more glance over the playlist and noticed something.

some of these songs were made for confession.

you didnt question it, maybe it was done because he likes them, but also some of them were completely out of the ordinary im the playlist, and stuck out like a sore thumb.

little did you know, ted put those in deliberately, seeing if you'd notice and ask about it. maybe not now, but at some point. and maybe, just maybe, he'd have the balls in telling you how he actually feels.

[spookfished]

media roundup february

hi everybody :3 i didnt really read a lot in february i was busy 'doing school' and 'looking for employment.' sad! i have spring break coming up so im planning on using that time to read a bunch (and also apply for more jobs -_-) this post and previous can be found on my neocities!

books:

revenant gun by yoon ha lee: the last book in the hexarchate series, starting with ninefox gambit. (slightly edited from my discord review, SPOILERS INCOMING). in machineries of empire, there a disconnect between what the audience craves and what the book is willing to give them-- for example, things like Whats up with the calendar + the hexarchate, why did jedao do all that, etc. this works in the books favor (imo) by increasing tension, creating a sense of discovery, and avoiding clunky exposition.

however in the two sequels it expands not just to what the audience wants but also what they like. care about? some big examples are the weight of the remembrances* and less cheris, but also stuff like jedaos focus. which isnt bad like i like jedao. but like, if you Dont you sure do get a lot of him. also did anyone actually like brezan sorry. hes fine like for example with the end of a memory called empire, when the protag (forgot her name sorry) loses her brain buddy, it feels like a second coming of age almost--her brain buddys been a crutch but now she gets to stand on her own (albeit as a changed person, with brain buddys influence). vs cheris who kinda starts to feel like a cameo character who literally fucks off for nine years??? there is also a sort of ongoing sense of "these sacrifices for the greater good are ok (if sad) and these are not" whihc ngl sometimes feels pretty arbitrary to me. and given that machineries of empire focuses on like the Littlest most downtrodden people it really is wild yhat we dont see a lot of civilian life? anyways i enjoyed it and i think its worth finishing out the trilogy but it wasnt as satisfying as i could have hoped (ALSO NINEFOX GAMBIT IS A REALLY FUN SOLID READ. I LIKED IT A LOT)

*the rememberances are a set of ritualized tortures that create a power structure that literally powers a lot of the empire's technology. this is a very cool concept! a big part of jedao and cheris' rebellion is about making a place that Doesnt have to run on torture. except that like, besides the intellectual knowledge that Torture Is Bad as a reader i didnt really feel that invested in this? like we only get to See a remembrance happening midway thru book 3. im not like advocating for torture porn or anything but it seems weird to have that be the focal thing when neither cheris nor jedao had any scenes where they were affected by it (and so the audience didnt have anything like that either). idk it kinda just stood out to me. like yes i care about these characters but why should i care about This specifically

hexarchate stories by yoon ha lee: an anthology set in the world of machineries of empire, expanding the world and fleshing out some stories. this was pretty solid! theres a wide range of stories and lengths, and i liked the variety :3 its like a little charcuterie board. (yoon ha lee's bias for shuos jedao really stands out here though..) its kinda essential reading to me imo though bc otherwise the ending of revenant gun isnt that satisfying :| lol anyways once again if youve read ninefox gambit check it out! spoilers for the whole series tho

exordia by seth dickinson: hard scifi about agency, impossible choices, and how they shape you. also, international geopolitics! like ninefox gambit, exordia demands your attention and concentration. you kinda have to read it at a time when you have brainpower to spare. however, exordia rewards everything that you put into it :3 i ended up learning so many random facts during this book… like AGL meaning above ground level. i feel like i need to read a book about democratic confederalism now also. a couple of my other friends read this book and got lost in the large cast and intricate web of events--i didnt have as much of an issue but u might need a piece of paper or sth. exordia is a book that's dense enough to feel like three books, and that can be good or bad. seth dickinson has this really spare, concise prose that leaves a lot to your imagination but also like. can sum up a person or situation in just a couple sentences? and that leaves a lot of room for the reader to investigate which i like :3 hm what else to say…. i really liked clayton (clayton!!!!) but i found erik super annoying ymmv. the ending kinda leaves you at a loss which i honestly kinda like? like yeah obv a sequel would be nice but i like it the way it is. anyways not for the faint of heart but id still recommend<3

accidentally engaged by farah heron: f/m romance aww so cute <3 really nice contemporary romance which tosses together a bunch of tropes--arranged romance, fake dating, baking together--into something that actually works really well! the two leads were very charming and i liked reading about the good food. i liked the way the protagonist's almost-stereotypical portrait of a loving but strict south asian family (am i allowed to say this) gets fleshed into a group of honestly kinda bizarre people that love her and that reena can genuinely connect with. yay family! overall, not especially memorable to me personally but still enjoyable. rec if youre into contemporary romance

last breath: the limits of adventure: realistic fiction (?) about what it feels like to drown, die of dehydration, fall from a cliff, etc. lots of research, very thorough! (well sometimes they live and sometimes they dont). an expansion of this absolutely fantastic article about hypothermia. honestly none of the stories quite live up to this one imo but this is still a really solid and exciting read! i couldnt put it down! although it does have a touch of the orientalism that you get from like, a lot of extreme sports circles lol. i would definitely recommend reading the article, and maybe read the book if it especially interests you.

video games:

pokemon legends of arceus: a pokemon game set in the past that breaks the mold by letting you dodge roll. my opinions here coincide pretty closely with the dunkey video, which is that this is a really fun game that is also literally half finished. controls are clunky, story is paper thin, graphics are fucked, overworld is extremely empty but its also just very fun?? it took over my life for like two weeks and i missed class???? anyways i would not get this at full price but if you can borrow it from a friend its super interesting to experience. im looking forward to the kalos one :3

slay the princess: a horror? romance? visual novel about saving the princess, slaying tbe princess, and everything in between featuring the vocal chops of that one magnus archives guy. dudeee this is so fun! i think its very kind to the guy inside of me who is Embarrassingly Anxious about any and all video game choices that can like, affect the narrative. lmfao its fun to fit in a couple runs or two between other things, but i did start losing track of what previous paths id taken after a bit of a gap. however!!! i would definitely think about playing this game if you like visual novels or Narrative or Loops! or girls who kill lol theres a free demo if you want to try it out

movies:

velocipastor: action movie about a priest who turns into a velociraptor to punish the wicked!!!! so fucking cool a lot of love put into this (low budget) movie made me so sad i dont speak cantonese (? at least i think thats what it was) watch this with friends

music:

Gato by nobonoko: really fun 80s synth jazz? album written by two fictional gay furries. no wait come back ok this is one of those things i got recommended by youtube and then actually listened to it a bunch of times its just very soothing and nice :3 ive been listening to jazz pretty much my whole life so i have a huge bias. also im a sucker for fictional bands eg splatoon… also the art is so cute?? those two guys?? its hard to pick a favorite song but i think i like the titular gato! also theres a bunch of other stuff made by the same two artists

option by Crosses: i totally forgot what the genre for this is but its like when metal guys are like i need to have a song for my metal wedding. song recommended by neil -_- anyways very sappy im fond of it nonetheless. i definitely did think it said "can you promise me to the grave"

Roy by Idles: from british rock band idles new album tangk! im going to be honest i did not like this album as much as some of the other ones by idles, but thats ok! hmm when i play this song out loud during crew shifts i feel embarrassed. but i really like seeing how idles' vocalist's voice has evolved over time! the way hes branched out into more melodic and belty stuff over time is very fun. the prechorus + chorus are very fun to sing along to as well :3 its just a fun song

anyways if you read any portion of this thanks as always :3 what else to say.. i made pandesal recently and its been my only successful bread that i can remember. go me! anyways see you guys in a bit

[localcryptidsteg]

Black Myth Wukong and the Kiang-Jin Long Dilemma

Is it just me or does the lockon system shit itself and die during the Kiang-jin Long fight?

In all seriousness though, pivoting focus for a minute, I've been hearing some complaints that the dev team is sexist and has said they don't want women playing the game, and I'd like to clear that up a bit.

The actual translation of the comment was that they didn't want to use women to sell the game. There's a chinese streamer who goes more in-depth on it (no clue where the link went so bear with me) but essentially, tldr, China has been pivoting towards American-style advertising using sex to sell lately and the dev team didnt want to do that.

And as for the "lack" of female characters... a) this is meant to be a sequel to Journey to the West, not everyone from the first run is going to be involved and b) Kiang-Jin Long/Star, one of the only female characters Ive seen to far, is READILY capable of handing you your ass several times over and shes just a miniboss, and, in a game that doesnt give you much context anyway until youve beaten a boss, of course shes not gonna have a ton of focus in the gameplay itself?? BUT SHE GETS TWO WHOLE JOURNAL ENTRIES WHERE MOST MAINLINE BOSSES ONLY GET ONE. That's kind of a whole LOT of attention, actually!!

More importantly though, the ONLY people I've seen complaining are Americans, which brings me to the main point: it's a Chinese game, based on Chinese mythology and characters, made for a Chinese audience. It's more than fine to enjoy the game if youre not Chinese, God knows its going to be one of my favorite games of the year and thats DAMN impressive considering Hades 2 is in early access currently and Monster Hunter Wilds is creeping closer to release date, but it's just not for us.

The culture there just isn't as focused on minority or womens representation as it is here because that's just not a relevant thing there at the moment.

The only reason I have even a fraction of the understanding I need to get the references in this game is because for the last 22 years of my life I've been obsessively reading every myth, fable, legend, and ghost story I could get my hands on (slight tangent, if anyone can recommend any good Scottish ones, Ive got a significant gap in my knowledge in that area).

Even I will readily admit I have only the loosest understanding of just how far into the mythos of Journey to the West this game goes because I only have a loose understanding of Journey to the West. Ive read the unabridged version and several abridged versions (cannot reccomend the unabridged version as recreational reading its very long and very repetitive) and I can tell you right now: its a satirical take on the religion and politics of the time it was written, so I have little to no historical context outside of mythology to understand the nuances of that.

Im sure there are a million little significant details about Buddhism and Taoism and bureaucracy buried in this game that I will never ever catch and Im ok with that but God Damn some people need to learn theres more to some media than what their frame of reference allows them to see.

This game is a piece of someone elses culture that was important enough to a large team of people that they decided to retell it in a way that was accessible to the rest of us on even a surface level, and some of yall are bitching about how it doesnt align with your own culture. Like, no shit? It's NOT your culture!

[blookmallow]

ive been revisiting adventure time (sort of. ive had it on while im doing stuff so im sort of absorbing it but ill pay more attention if i manage to get to stuff i havent seen) and i still love marshall and gumball but trying to understand fiona and cake is making my brain hurt

its written by ice king so like

- in the adventure time encyclopedia (which i havent finished reading but its fun) ice king describes ice queen as like his perfect soul mate, so she seems to be part “obviously my female self would be beautiful and everyone loves her because im handsome and lovable” and part “ice king designs his ideal waifu” so that part tracks. thats fine. but

- why did he design fiona like that. shes cute id like her as a standalone character but the fact that. well firstly that the show designers decided to give her a short skirt and curves when finn is drawn as like, a little playdoh man, is already Kinda Weird and looks like what a sexy finn halloween costume wouldve been if she didnt already exist. but then when we realize ice king designed her its even worse. and he makes fiona in love with him which is uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

its also very odd that ice king apparently chose to characterize fiona as like. more mature about crushes and relationships than finn is? she realizes she doesn’t need a boyfriend and doesnt actually want to date her male friends. finn doesnt figure that shit out for Ages if he ever does at all, i never finished the show. so why would ice king, a man who thinks relationships are just kidnapping someone and making them love you, write finn as a more emotionally mature and stable girl

- i love gumball and most of his weird characterization can be explained by. the fact that most of the episode he’s actually ice queen in disguise. but he still asks fiona out at the end and she decides she doesnt want to date him. bubblegum isnt and never has liked finn like that for the major reason that hes way too young for her. i never really noticed how obvious the age difference is when i was a kid myself but as an adult its like. yeah finn is a Child to her. maybe gumball’s relationship with fiona is off because ice king doesnt know them that well and invented his own interpretation but there is no way ice king ships bubblegum with finn. we also then have the issue of “this (at least) 18 year old just asked out a 13 year old” which, uh, not a good look either. but the fact that ice king still writes gumball as uninterested in ice queen but fiona is in love with ice king is just really fucking weird and i don’t understand it

- also yes the “gumball started taking off his shirt” thing was the ice queen revealing who she really was, it wasnt actually sexual and gumball himself didnt do that, but by the way fiona and cake reacted it was clearly written to come across like he was about to take her to bed. which is again, a problem that the show writers thought that was cool to include, and a Real problem if ice king wrote it intentionally

anyway all that was weird. i still like gumball and marshall though. i feel like it would have made more sense if LSP wrote it and not ice king

[stranger-writing-danger]

Leo is Dyslexic fight me.

So yall want to know why I headcannon Leo as Dyslexic we didnt- YOU REALLY WANNA HEAR ME RAMBLE we didnt ask- OK WELL HERE WE GO

Well as a Dyslexic person im gonna be so real Its the fact the boy reads comics. "What dose that have to do-" UP UP UP hear me out. When you have that good old percy jackson one two punch of being Dyslexic and having ADHD it makes reading VERY difficult. because not only are you having to sit down and do only ONE task when your reading and having to focus on that task really hard, which irritates the ADHD. You have to do ALOT of re reading because of the Dyslexia, which also irritates the ADHD. So that makes prose really really hard to enjoy. Like unless the story really captures my attention I cant read books at all. fan fiction is its own thing in that for the sake of my special interest i can get through it fine but its still a struggle. So what dose this have to do with comics? Easy, The pictures do a majority of the storytelling. Its fast and easy to consume. The pictures keep the ADHD engaged and only having to re read dialogue cuts down on time and makes it a lot easier for me engage with as a whole. which i imagine is the same for Leo. And its not like Leo hates reading either. The boy consumes comics like its candy. he is almost always reading something when he's just hanging out on his own or do that parallel play with his brothers. It just also needs pictures. Boy would read Houdini's journals, which is a special interest for him. and on top of that the Piebald episode as a whole with the joke that "Leo learned book words" Which to clarify for the head cannon would be because Books are hard for him to consume as a whole so he avoids them. not because the Dyslexia makes him unable to read, but because the Adhd makes him find something easier to consume. Boy isn't stupid either. Reading just isnt his thing, and when you have sibling that is already doing laps ahead of out in the academic category I can see of Leo didnt take that avenue in order to gain attention. especially because its difficult. I Imagine for Raph its probably similar. That books are hard so Ill turn to something else. really dose push people from expanding their vocabulary.

anyway-

[rcgsdiary]

2

today i woke up sad for multiple reasons. i thought i was gonna see someone today but turns out i cant. which is fine. but then i made it a whole thing in my head and now the other person feels guilty for not being able to hang out with me. i feel like ive been actively pushing this person away but im not trying to. and the worst part? they dont really care that im pushing them away.

it hurts a lot. i wish they showed that they cared as much about me as i care about them. (trans: i wish they were as crazy as i am.)

unfortunately that caused a bit of an ocd meltdown. i had to absolutely ruin my thighs to make myself feel better. ill add images later to document. my obsession was that if i didnt hurt myself, i would lose them. i know its stupid, but it feels like i have to and i will sit in crippling anxiety until i carry it out. i dont want to hurt myself, really. i just feel the need to.

i also am feeling incredibly lonely even though i know its my own doing. im pushing people away, and when i see them going out with other friends, i feel lonely. how dumb is that?

ive come to realize that im just that insecure. i need people who will bend at my very request, and if they dont, i feel like they dont care about me.

i need someone who would beg for my attention. someone who isnt too stuck up their ass to be pathetic for me. im sick of being pathetic for other people.

it disgusts me to see the way i act. its like i have no self esteem... oh wait, hahahahahaha.

god im too old to be acting like this. anyways my doctors appointment is coming up on november 3rd. hopefully ill be alive then.

ive been hitting my head on the wall in hopes that ill pass out of completely forget who i am. i wish i wouldnt hold myself back when i self-harmed. then i could actually get the results i need.

if anyone sees this and has any tips on what i should do to forget myself, please reach out to me. i could use some help.

-rcg

[mojwisungie]

hc | boyfriend ♡

req (from: anon) ➥ : read the mark-jaemin boyfriend, and then then renjun-jisung boyfriend headcanons,,, can you do one for the remaining members? thank you~~

☄︎ with: lee jeno, lee donghyuck, zhong chenle ☄︎ lou.note: this has been in my wips for so long im sorry anonie but here i am to give it you guys as an offering for my birthday (its tomorrow on the 26th but anyway) hehe hope you all enjoy <3

ੈ⋆ mark & jaemin ver. | renjun & jisung ver.

Jeno

the observing, supportive boyfriend

jeno doesnt pay much attention to things that arent important

but YOU are important

you mean so much to him, and thats still an understatement

he often thinks that by paying attention to you and everything you do

he'll know you in a way no one else does

at this point, he knows everything about you

your favorite sweater (which he owns), favorite color, favorite artists, favorite songs, etc.

jeno actually knows your order by heart even if it varies in different restaurants

his mantra is actually happy y/n = happy jeno ^_^

thats also the reason why fights dont usually happen

he knows when its too much for you and so he will do what he thinks is best for the situation

anyways: dates with jeno are either doing physical activities or plain cuddling on the couch

it would mostly be him who initiates dates like hiking, biking, etc.

but, he would also always check with you if youre okay with it or if you want to rest 

one time you asked him for a day in those sport grounds ?? like those places that has random games like wall-climbing, archery, and trampolines

oh this boy has the biggest smile on his face asking you, “hold on love, are you serious ( ◕▿◕ ) ?”

during hectic weeks, he’s definitely up for movie marathons

if he still has some energy, he will make a blanket fort for the both of you

also jeno lee is a cuddle bug (you cannot change my mind, this case is closed)

and so he’ll use these lazy dates to indulge in hugging you for as long as he can 

on the supportive note, he always reassures you with the kindest words

AND hes the type of guy who will ask you if you need comfort or solutions when you rant to him T﹏T

and that is actually proof that he is the best support system

he'd be your hype man when you need a push

thinking of auditioning for a club? go ahead, he'll teach you what he knows

want to try a new hobby and start journaling? he'll help you find cute stickers (and he'll buy them too)

he will always help in whatever way he can, and he will constantly assure you that he’s there for you as you have been for him

he is reserved, quiet, and keep things on the down low, yet with you, he’s entirely different

jeno loves you just as you love him, and he’ll do everything to prove it to the world- you.

Haechan

the enthusiastic, soft boyfriend

he is!! literally!! the sun!!

he often calls you often in the morning to wake you up, greeting you with the loveliest voice saying, “good morning darling, how was your sleep?” SADKJASD

if he’s free, he’ll actually drop by yours to bring breakfast and eat with you

and if ever you still live with your family, you bet that once you slip into the kitchen he’s chatting up with your parents like he’s their son

actually... he technically is

he loves going out with you and your family as much as he loves going out with his

hyuck is very family-oriented, you really dont have to plead to him if you want him to come to a gathering

as long as you say yes to him inviting you to their family activities too 😌

he once asked you to go with him to this intimate family dinner his relatives organized

and you ask him, “are you sure im allowed to go? the invitation in the email complete says Lee Family and clearly.. im not-”

this man didnt even let you finish and says, “BUT YOU WILL BE!! SOON!! I WILL MARRY YOU!! baby come on just please come with me!!!”

he means it though

you dont know it, but the thought of spending the rest of his life with you often comes into his mind

and so dates with him can be both ends of the spectrum

you guys could go for fancy restaurants, amusement parks, and even late night computer games (if you dont play, he’ll teach you dont worry <3)

but there are also domestic dates such as grocery shopping, helping each other babysit nephews/nieces, and the such

its obvious to every one that haechan is so soft for you

and he doesnt care what other people say

one time, mark heard him talk to you in the cutest, softest voice and laughed... and regretted it bc haechan turned to him in the most serious face and the deepest tone saying, “and so?” 

as much as possible, he wants you to feel loved bc thats what you make him feel

despite this, arguments are still there, but it doesnt go on for long

fights dont escalate as you both work together against the problem

so at the end of the day, no feelings are hurt or turned a blind eye to

disagreements are often rooted from the nature of work though, thats why every time things arent so fine, he’ll do his best to fix it

because he treasures his time with you and the love you both invest in

he didnt value time that much before, bc he’s so used to putting up with whatever that comes his way

but when you came into his life, he realized it is indeed precious

haechan spends every second loving you beyond infinity

Chenle

the parental, sincere, affectionate boyfriend

you’ve seen him rant, right?

he’ll do that often, but only when its about you not getting what you need

others may not see it, but he’s really concerned when its about you so he’ll do anything to make sure youre well taken care of

if you havent eaten yet bc youre too busy going over your notes for your exams, he’ll buy you your favorite food and feed it to you

all the while talking about how you shouldnt put aside eating bc its important to eat meals at the right time

this guy solves old math problems when he has time to spare, so he’ll be okay with you coming to for help whenever you struggle with your lessons

as cliché as it may be, he will also get you the stuff you need- whether it may be for school or for your personal shenanigans 

you complained about your laptop once, saying it keeps on lagging

he deadass goes, “do you wanna go and buy a new one now?” 💀

he just wants you to do well in the stuff you do, okay ??

chenle is blunt about pretty much everything in your relationship too

he tells you all the stuff he knows he should tell you

including embarrassing moments of his members

the dreamies cant joke around with you too much,, bc they know you know everything (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)

but jokes aside, sometimes his honesty can be cause of some arguments

bc he gets too straight-forward at times and ends up unintentionally hurting you :((

and when you explain why it made you feel that way, he’s lost bc he thinks he was just saying the truth

but as time passes, he will learn how to be upfront with you without having to sadden you

please be patient with him as he is with you 👉🏼👈🏼

anyhow, dates with him would always be one for the books

if you ever think that he probably doesnt remember the dates you wanna go on to, youre wrong

bc its all listed in his mind and he’s determined to tick every single one from the list

when he’s busy or away on tour, facetimes would be a regular thing

he’s prepared with the timezones and he will remind you to sleep when you should, no buts y/n

if you tell him you cant just drift off, he’ll always offer to sing you to sleep

and when you do, he’ll take lots of pictures to treasure the little moments he has with you

some people tell him he looks too deeply in love

but he doesnt really see anything wrong with it because it was with you

chenle completely knows that he loves you so much, and he’s willing to love you until forever

[heyitsyn]

Manager!Seijoh KYO ROUTE

a/n: AAAAA HERE IT FINALLY IS!!!!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!!!!

THIS IS KYO’S ROUTE AND TBH, I REALLY WANT TO MAKE AN IWA ROUTE BUT I ALSO WANT TO MAKE AN OIKAWA ROUTE BC IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION THAT SOMEONE’S FAVORITE IS ACTUALLY OIKS AND I WANT TO GIVE HER THAT ENDING AND I WANT IWA TO HAVE AN ENDING AS A PERSONAL REQUEST HEHEHEHEHEHE

REMINDER, THIS IS A WHAT IF SCENARIO LIKE WHAT IF SHE ENDS UP WITH KYO AND HOW WOULD IT HAPPEN SO THIS IS NOT REALLY GOING TO BE PART OF THE MAIN MANAGER!SEIJOH SERIES

anon requests:  

 -i love the seijoh manager one and i was just wondering if i could please request one where she ends up with kyoken

-OH MY GOD Can y/n-chan and kyoubabie end up together and like how would the team react wawlndksndkfnkdndkfnkd im so soft

-I kinda like the idea after the time skip that Kyo and the manager end up together, he's still such a softie for her. I feel like after seeing how Kyo acts around her the team wasn't surprised that they ended up together and kinda expected it.

- what if manager reader and Kyotani kiss 😳👉👈

- hi I love your seijoh manager aus! They’re so cute and wholesome but also very chaotic 😭 I have a request,, if yn and kyo end up together then can you do a scenario where the boys find out and are like 👁👄👁 huh, u choose the dog?? NDJJS IDK KYO IS SO UNDERRATED BUT N E WAYS ILY AND YOUR SERIES YOURE SO TALENTED 😭💕

i totally not already planned this part from the last part 

tw: hint of abuse

ALSKDFJASDKJAFKLDSJFLKA HINATA SAID NYOOM 

so,,, yep lets start

hehehehehehehe kyo is so protective like bls be mine

even though miyo has been expelled and doesnt mess w you anymore, he still looks out for you and makes sure no one messed w you

like he actually goes to the first floor immediately and leans on the wall outside your class so he could walk with you to the gym or to lunch

at first, you thought it was bc oikawa told him to look out for you but when you found out it was competely all him, you were so soft for him and appreciative at him taking the time to go to you

like one day after class, you were planning on just eating lunch inside the classroom with kunimi and kindaichi but you were thirsty and felt stuffed in the room so you excused yourself to go eat at the roof

as you opened the door, you came face-to-face with the blonde upperclassman and you were so shocked that you closed the door on impulse

you said haha not today satan

but you realized who he was and hurriedly opened it

‘ohmagod im so sorry kyo-san!’

he shrugged

‘its fine’

you smiled apologetically and cleared your throat

‘so,,, what can i do for you, kyo-san?’

he shoved his hands in his pockets bc in truth, he didnt really know, but he caught sight of your bento on your hands

‘the roof?’

he asked making you look at him, impressed

‘howd you know?’

‘if youre not eating in there, the roof would be the only other place youd eat, right?’

you leaned against the doorway and reached forward to rub his arm

‘you stalking me now, kyo-san?’

he narrowed his eyes and looked away

but he grabbed your hand before interlacing your fingers and you were shocked to be dragged with him to somewhere in the school

‘the roof’

was all he said and you quickly kept up to pace with him until you arrived your destination at the top of the school

it was quite a cloudy day so the sun was actually out of view but it wasnt going to be a rainy day

the temperature was slowly getting colder since you were now transitioning from fall to winter but you didnt care bc it was still fresh air

you hurriedly tugged him forward and sat him down next to you so you both were seated together

‘do you not eat lunch kyo-san?’

‘no. i dont have time’

he pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them while you laid your legs on a straight line in front of you so you could rest the box on your lap

kyo laid his cheek on his arm as he watched you excitedly unwrap the cloth and open the mint-green lid to reveal the rice and tamagoyaki with chicken bites inside

‘itadakimasu!’

you softly clapped your hands then positioned your chopsticks but you paused, head turning to kyo

he felt like he was caught stealing something lmao stealing glances get it so he quickly averted his gaze to the railing that surrounded the roof

you delicately placed a hand on his arm which gave you his attention and you raised a piece of the egg dish

‘one?’

you offered and he shook his head but you pouted at him making him sigh then open his mouth

now you were no gorgon ramsai im cackling sorry but you could cook since your mother believed that you werent a girl unless you knew how to cook

his eyes were shining as he chewed and you giggled before holding up another piece which he quickly snatched up

‘ill bring you your own bento tomorrow kyo-san~!’

and you did

the next day, you waited for him at your class and when you caught sight of him walking from your class window, you bounced up in your seat, startling kindaichi from eating his noodles

‘y/n?’

kunimi questioned but you werent even looking at him

‘ill see you later, aki!’

you waved and opened the door to go to kyo, who lowkey got scared when you just ran up to him

he raised his hand to ruffle your hair and you got closer to him and held out the blue box

‘here. as promised’

he held the box and stared at it, like it was the first time someone gave him this

you took his surprise as gratitude and grabbed his hand, swinging it as you talked about your lessons on your way to the roof

when he opened it, he lifted the first container and saw what was hiding at the very bottom shelf

it was a serving of famima chicken with its wrapper stil intact

‘how-’

‘saw you eating it when you first joined the team. then i started noticing you eating it whenever we go to the convenience store’

the fact that you were so perceptive towards him brought an unfamiliar feeling inside him that made his heart thump and stomach to tickle

‘dont worry, kyo-san! i made sure everything was good!’

your eyes closed due to the intensity of your grin and you raised a thumbs up to prove your word further

he blinked at you and truly thought you were an angel

an angel sent down to help a lost hope like him?

was that you?

were you his angel?

during practice, he was actually very calm and collected and wasnt pushing anyone at all which surprised everyone

iwaizumi even stared at him confusingly and if iwa was looking at him like that, the entire team knew something was up

‘oi, kyotani, you good? you sick?’

rip 2020 would like to know your location

the fake blonde turned to him and shook his head, face free of any glare or irritation

in fact, he looked like a completely different person if not for the hair

‘im good’

he answered

‘did they have a buy one get one sale on that chicken of yours?’

oikawa tested

if he answered him, something was definitely wrong

‘no. i dont think so’

yep, something was wrong

oikawa was screaming and shouting that the world was going to end while the others were laughing, panicking, and worrying while iwa just stood there, staring at his underclassman

you returned from filling up the bottles and was confused at the state of the team

‘i-um-what happened’

kyo’s ears perked up at your voice and he bounded up to you like a doggie seeing its owner come home

you smiled and reached up to place a hand on his shoulder with ease bc he was one of the shorter players therefore easier to reach

‘did oikawa-san break again?’

you asked and he nodded

‘hes being an idiot’

he mumbled

‘hes just being oikawa-san, kyo-san. you still have to respect him as your captain, remember that’

you said and he rolled his eyes but nodded anyways

‘fine. only because you said so’

iwa was watching this interaction with very wide eyes and his confusion only grew like 10 million times

kyotani kentarou never answered to anyone and if he did, that must be earned

as far as iwa knew, kyo was just so soft to you and treats you so different than the 7.8 billion people in the world

no person in the world could ever get kyo to act like that except you

and there had to be a reason

and iwa was pretty sure he knew

after practice, you were scheduled to look after the cats in shinsou’s house so you were going to walk with kyo

he was impatiently waiting for oikawa to finish talking to you until his patience just snapped and he grabbed you and lifted you up to his arms then just started walking, surprising everyone in silence

you instinctually wrapped your legs around him and held on to his shoulders tightly while his arms were bounded around your waist

‘OI! KYOKEN-CHAN! HOW DARE YOU STEAL Y/N-CHAN!’

oikawa was punching the air

you placed your cheek on his shoulder and let out a breathy chuckle

‘you couldnt wait for another second, kyo-san?’

‘the trash was starting to reek’

you laughed and grimaced at the laughter that bubbled out of you

‘so mean, kyo-san!’

your laughter made him subconsciously smile and he held you closer, placing his chin on your shoulder as he continued on the trek to the familiar purple house

once you did arrive though, kyo refused to let your hand go

ope reference?

‘kyoooooo~! cmon! let me gooo~!’

‘no’

he grumbled and continued to hold your hand tighter as you tried to tug it free so you could walk up the gates to your employer

‘i need to work~! pleeeease~!’

you whined but he scrunched his nose in distate, pulling your hand forward so you stumbled into his chest where he wrapped both arms to cage you in

‘no. i dont want you with that grape head’

he growled lowly making you laugh and you turned so your ear would be right above his heart

it was beating fast

his scent travelled up your nose and you closed your eyes, snuggling even further

cherry blossoms and vanilla with the slightest hint of sandalwood

‘i need to go’

you mumbled but he gripped your tighter

‘stay with me’

he whispered 

tbh you wouldve if literally hizashi-san didnt catch you at the front of his house cuddling

it was quite an embarrassing encouter when he wouldnt stop talking about it and you had to actually push him and aizawa out the door 

‘we were really rooting for hitoshi but do what makes you happy, dear!’

‘hizashi-san, please!’

you werent really aware of how clingy kyoken was and it only caught your attention when during one of your lunch (dates), he clinging on to you

your position has now shifted so you were sitting between his legs while you fed him food and he would rest his chin on your shoulder to watch the clouds and sky

‘kyo-san, did something happen? youre clingier than usual’

he shook his head and buried his face in your neck

‘allergies’

he whispered and you leaned your head on top of his, continuing on eating your food

‘hey, kyo-san, do you think it will snow soon? we’re getting into december already so it would snow soon, right?’

you asked and he emerged from his spot

‘i hope so. that would be nice. we need a little more snow now and then’

im SCREAMING RIGHT NOW AND TEARS ARE WELLING UP IN MY EYES HELP-

‘yea. yea. when it falls, i want to go out and stand in it. if we’re lucky, we could have a snowball fight up here. whaddya think, kyo-san?’

pls dont blast at me with the timeline bc tbh my timeline is so messed up and if i was to fix that, id basically have to scrap this entire series bc of how messy with the timeline it is

‘yea. we will’

he hugged you tighter that day

when he didnt show up for practice, you were frantically looking for him

did he skip?

you knew how he struggled not being able to play with the others and missing this opportunity wasnt something he would do

and you were worried where he was and he might be hurt somewhere

you ran out of the gym and out of the school grounds, running through the alleys and any secluded area bc he mustve had a bad day and wanted to get away

indeed, you found him in the alleyway and you were horrified at his bloodied face and ruffled clothing

he was seated on the floor, head leaning against the wall with his eyes closed, even oblivious to the dogs and cats that were worriedly nudging him

‘kyo-san!’

you shrieked and his eyes flew open and he quickly stood up to run but you were quicker and restrained him with your arms around his middle

it was so bad

his foster family,,,, everything was such a mess

he trembled in your arms and you felt his fear, his terror, and you gently, but firmly, held him so you could look at his face

he was staring at the floor angrily, tears welling up in his eyes and you shakingly placed a hand on his cheek, bringing it down so he could rest his forehead against yours

assuring words would fall deaf to his ears so you didnt even bother

instead, you tried to hold his hand, ignoring the flinching, but gently held it and brought it up to rest on top of where your heart would be

his eyes closed and your forehead nuzzled against his 

‘feel my heartbeat. recognize me, as it beats for you’

you whispered to him, his other hand shakingly touching the hand that was on his face so he could caress it and he moved his head, placing a kiss on your palm

‘its beating for kenta-kun,, no foster family, no volleyball team, nobody else and nothing else matters but my heartbeat, so focus on it. because this is everything i could give you so treasure it, please’

you whispered, your own tears falling, hurting for your love

okay im full sobbing

‘and the snow. it will snow soon and you and i,,, we will go outside and we will play in the snow. the world will turn white but your colors will still paint my sight. let my heartbeat be your colors and let me color your canvas during the snow, kyo-san. it will beat for you, and only you, for as long as you let it. your heartbeat has painted mine already and its the most beautiful colors ive ever seen’

he cried for the first time that day, not in pain or sadness, but in happiness, because he can finally see it

your love and your colors starting to brighten the black and red hes grown accustomed to and helping him see, indeed, the world was beautiful

but it was truly your colors that made him realize that

kyotani and you stayed in that position for a long time and yahaba, who went after you, saw and quickly ran back to the gym to assure that you were alright and kyotani was safe, in your arms

after the natsu fiasco, he was a frequent visitor in your house and your family gets the gist of yanno, his home life, and your mother even gave him the spare key of the house

‘if y/n-chan trusts you, i do too’

yall what 😭

at night, you would lay out at the backyard, laying side-by-side and pointing at the stars and making up stupid stories as to why that star was brighter than the other or why the moon was built like that

but kyo was more focused, much happier, that he can see everything so much clearer and better

he turned his gaze from the stars to you beside him, your hair spreading out beneath you and your eyes sometimes disapperaing when you would laugh too hard

‘i wonder why the night sky is blue instead of black like the universe’

you wondered out loud but kyotani whispered something you didnt think youd ever hear from him

‘because you let me paint everything with my colors and i refuse to let you see something that i suffered seeing my entire life’

you returned his gaze and this was the real kyotani kentaro

not kyoken,

not kenta-kun

kyotani kentaro

and my god was he beautiful

he kissed you that night

it wasnt anything lustful, nothing aggressive, but not exactly gentle

it was a perfect balance of need yet hesitance that made it so much more powerful and important because it relayed the unspoken words that he had the hardest time letting out

and that was okay with you

kyo’s eyes and touch said everything he wanted to say

there was no one in sight, no body to judge the violent boy and the kind girl, just you and him with the man in the moon, gently smiling that the so-called lost cause finally found his redemption

okay that serious and sad stuff is finally out of the way and no more crying this time so dont be sad anymore :(

your relationship was never something you flaunted around or bragged about bc you and kyo were pretty private people so nobody really knew bc kyo still acted the way he would when oikawa would flirt you but yahaba noticed

oh lordie he noticed

he noticed kyo was much angrier when oikawa does his antics and he would stick closer to you, exchanging bashful smiles with you

the team only noticed when you seemed to just glow

like not like a glowstick 

but like your,,, aura,,, 

you laughed more, you smiled more, you teased everyone more

you were so,,, you

they had a hunch that something happened between you and kyo but they were never really sure

but ehehehe they confirmed it alright

the third years: mattsun, makki, iwa, and oiks were walking down the hallway when again, someone peaked out the window and saw you and kyo by the shade and you were perfectly angled so they could see the two of you

you were pressed against the wall while kyo was hovering over you with an arm beside your head while his hand was caressing your hip

makki let out a chortled scream that caught the attention of the others and he pointed at you two wordlessly

omg WAS KYOTANI SMILING

they watched as kyo smiled then teased you by kissing your nose, then your cheeks

‘kyo, kiss me right!’

you whined but giggled

kyotani had a teasing smirk but continued kissing you everywhere but where you wanted

‘hm? here? or here?’

right below your ear was your ticklish spot and he knew that so his kisses there tickled you and sent you on a giggling spree

‘kyo~~~!’

finally, he relented and gave you a sweet, yet passionate kiss that always managed to leave you breathless

that was when oikawa went on a rampage

well, he waited until classes were over but during practice, oh girl he went on a rampage

‘Y/N, KYOTANI!’

everyone knew he was serious when he didnt call them with those ridiculous nicknames

ngl you were scared too but kyo just glared at him

‘what’

he grumbled but you instinctively placed a hand on his arm

‘are you dating now, y/n, kyotani?’

iwa gently asked but oikawa was being oikawa

oikawa glared at you then pouted

‘OUT OF EVERYONE HERE, YOU CHOOSE THE DOG?!’

everyone gave each other nervous looks bc they kinda expected this but oikawa asking it like that made them sweat

they expected kyo to blow up but it was you who glared at oikawa, standing protectively in front of kyo

‘and what about it?’

you hissed and oikawa jumped, a hand over his heart

‘REALLY, Y/N-CHAN?! HIM?!’

‘yea and whats the problem with it? how is it your business? why do i need to validate my feelings for him? who do you think you are?’

oml kyo had to drag you out of there bc you were seriously about to fight oikawa for even having the NERVE to say that to you

like kyo held you up with his arms under your armpits as you were kicking the air and wanting to go back in there

‘no! let me go! kyo! i will hit him! come on! baby please!’

you whined and continued kicking

as much as kyo wanted to see you violently hit oikawa, he knew you would feel bad about it later and be guilty for hurting your captain

‘puppy, please. youre too angry right now and i will not sit there and listen to you whine and be sad that you hit oikawa tonight’

you hmphed and crossed your arms

he finally set you down but he wrapped his arms around you from behind and he placed a kiss on your cheek

‘but im really happy though. im really happy that you would fight for me’

but you stayed mad, pouting and looking away with your arms crossed

it was a cute sight honestly

‘of course i would. i would fight anyone who says stuff about you because i love you’

you ranted, just realizing what you said when you finished

no one has exactly said the ‘L’ word yet so you were partly scared that you said it

but kyo laughed then kissed your neck affectionately

‘i love you too, but my puppy is a nice, gentle, kind, little angel’

every compliment earned you a kiss and your tough and angry act finally slipped and you were giggling in his arms

‘yanno, if someone were to see you like this, they would think youre an impostor’

you commented in between giving him little pecks

he shrugged

‘meh. i dont care. i have you so i dont really care what they say about me. but now about you on the other hand-’

you slapped him on the chest

‘you hypocrite! youd fight someone for me but not me fighting someone for you?! how mean!’

you faked a look of surprise but he silenced you with a last kiss

‘youre so cute, y/n. my baby’

the team was a little bit in shambles while you two were away with the third years basically crying and pouting but they really did see this coming so no one was genuinely surprised, even oikawa

‘she really picked him, huh?’

iwa mumbled, a sad smile on his face as if he was just realizing it now

it was something they shouldve easily seen coming and accepted as kyo was so different around you and you treated him so much more than the rest

but why did it hurt so much?

as i mentioned before, they were all really hurting though because in a way, you were their first love

but they wish you to be happy and for kyotani to treat you right because you deserved the universe and more

TIME SKIP!!!!

OH YES I LOVE THIS!!!!

so basically, from my estimation, the timeskip is about 9 years after the third years graduate

so you are like 25 while kyo is 26

lets say you got a job as an editor alongside some guy named akaashi keiji while kyo was still playing volleyball

you got,,,, married quite early like tanaka and kiyoko and you have some minis running around

god decided to give you twins as children like a year after yall wed and currently, you were,,,, having another one??

ehehehe this part made my heart balloon up

imma make it so that kyo actually went to see the olympics with you and your kids are like 3 and theyre actually volleyball fans due to the influence of their uncles and father and partly you

it was easy to get tickets bc iwa literally works for the team and tooru is literally a player and they really wanted to see their godchildren

ngl the team was salty bc you picked them two as godfathers but next time, theyre making you pick out of a hat for your future child

so here you were, each parent carrying a child, lets say the girl is naomi while the boy is naoki, and the girl was wearing a mini argentina oikawa jersey that he specially got for his goddaughter while iwa got naoki a mini kageyama jersey just to spite oikawa

they each were wiggling in excitement to see their uncles and omg imma switch it again that the whole seijoh team is literally there like the og gang is there and watching the olympics

naoki and naomi were excitedly looking around at the unfamiliar faces and kyo was laughing when naomi tugged his collar when she saw her godfather’s picture upclose

‘papa! its kawa! kawa!’

she giggled and he ruffled her mini pigtails

‘it is, isnt it, mimi-chan’

while your son was calmly in your arms, you watched your husband and child interact with each other and her giggling as he tickled her nose

‘y/n-chan! kyoken!’

a familiar shout from only one person made you turn and see oikawa with the others at the back

of course he was huddled in a jacket to not attract attention but the og seijoh volleyball team was back together after so many years apart

‘kawa! hi!!’

naomi wiggled and she told her dad to let her down so she could run up to oikawa who was a few feet away

naoki also caught sight of his idol and you let him run after his sister but crash into the strong arms of iwaizumi

‘hello zumi’

naoki mumbled

‘hey little man! how are you?’

you gave everyone hugs and went to go to a restaurnt nearby to be away from the chaos of the people and kyo could tell you were getting tired standing

he helped you sit on a chair but you kept on grumbling to him

‘kenta, ive been pregnant before, with two! im fine, okay? so stop worrying’

kyo scrunched his nose but flicked your forehead

‘of course i have to worry. you have a literal human being inside of you’

‘well-’

but he used his hand to scrunch your cheeks to prevent you from speaking

‘what? hm, what was it, doll?’

the team gagged 

‘seriously! we suffered 3 years of this already! stop it!!’

kindaichi whined 

you stuck your tongue out at him and everyone got settled on their seats before ordering their food

the children were being entertained by the others and you were giggling at the antics of your friends

‘honestly, you all are nearly 30 yet you still act like children’

you scolded but had a smile on your lips to show you were actually teasing

‘and you act like youre 50 just because youre married with kids’

kunimi countered with his tongue out

you gasped before trying to reach over the table and snatch the tongue out of his mouth

‘come here you litte-’

but kyo gently sat you back down with a stiff smile

‘baby, doll, darling, love, i swear you forget youre not 18 anymore. please youre gonna send your husband to an early grave if you keep acting like this’

he whined, fake crying and the team was so shocked to see him still acting like this 

‘oh my god, y/n-chan, how did you ever get kyoken-chan to be like this? did you brainwash him?’

oikawa mumbled

‘papa dont cry’

naoki tried to reach over the table from iwa’s arms to his father who he thought was really crying

yahaba shook watari in cuteness and mattsun turned to makki

‘can we get one?’

makki scoffed and hit him but still laughed

‘papa is worried that mama will hurt your baby brother, nao-kun’

kindaichi choked on his drink while oikawa screeched, holding naomi tighter

‘BROTHER?! ITS A BOY?!’

the guests in the restaurant were startled by the shriek from the argentina player and you gave kyotani a betrayed look

‘urusai, oikawa!’

kyotani snarled, face turning red at his blunder

‘CAN I BE GODFATHER THIS TIME?!’

‘YAHABA YOU IDIOT! ITS ME!’

‘WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! YOU SHUT UP MATSUKAWA! ITS ME!’

‘OIKAWA YOU GREEDY LITTLE BIT-!’

‘SHUT UP OR I SWEAR TO GOD!’

you slammed your hands on the table, on your feet and glaring down at the men

naoki and naomi were already used to their mother yelling at uncle mattsun and uncle makki so they were snickering at their uncles terrified face

‘mama, they scared’

naoki commented, fiddling with iwa’s jacket zipper

‘its like y/n-chan and kyoken-chan switched personalities or something’

oikawa muttered, still looking wide-eyed at you

‘that’s it. kenta, hold my purse-!’

‘BABY, WHAT-!’

oh my god it was a sight to see

you have this <6 feet professional olympic volleyball player being hit by a pregnant short woman with her shoe and a bleach-blonde man trying to hold her hands so she alternated to kicking

‘y/n-chan! wait!’

‘nearly a decade later and 2 children later, y/n-chan still knows how to hit’

watari watched with a fond smile, reminiscing their old volleyball times

‘will y/n-chan be okay?’

yahaba worriedly asked but naomi gave him a smile that was a copy/paste of her father’s

‘no, uncle baba. its if kawa would be okay’

while everyone else laughed,

oikawa screamed

AND THATS A WRAP! if its not what you guys wanted, not gonna lie, i was even hesitant to write this part because as much as i love kyo, hes quite a hard character to understand and write for, but i didnt want him to be the typical brute caveman child, instead i wanted this to be like him showcasing that hes not just a screaming man but hes a scared boy whos awkward and doesnt know how to express himself. also, its not canon in the manga or the anime, but i put that he was in the foster system and they werent,,, nice,,,, so thats why he knew first aid bc he had to do it on himself and why he was so calm about her getting hurt and treating her. but thank you for reading this one and im about to write an iwa and an oikawa so expect that in the future!!!

[theunconcernedembalmer]

Toko! I was thinking of creating an ask the character blog for IDV or Genshin Impact and wanted a few tips on how to start off. Anything you can share?

ey yo my dude!! thank you so much for this question, now im lowkey tempted (again) to make a genshin ask blog sjadhlkshgkahshglsaj anyway my 1.5 cents is under the cut, yall know how much i talk here HAHAHAHAH

uhhhhhh so i guess we start with picking a character u really Vibe with tm? I KNOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE COMMON SENSE BUT LIKE ive been considering making a genshin ask blog for a while now but i never really got to it cos i couldnt really decide on a character (plus the fact that their outfits are. so intricate. is also a hmm since i try to follow details to a t) (at first i wanted to do zhongli, but i feel like to be able to muse him well u need to know the lore super super well, which i dont n im too lazy to research on that aha. n u know how much i respect characterizations, especially for such a complex character like him. i also considered xiangling for a period of time mostly for guoba but also like i have 2+1 blogs here n having one more might not be a very good idea aha) (as for aesop he was my Hyperfixation Character tm also cos i looked at his kit n went Yep i could work with this. probably)

so assuming ur not a dumbass like me n u kinda know who u wanna pick, id actually say to snoop around here for other ask blogs n kinda get a feel of the... scene? is that the word? or like u know, other blogs that u can potentially vibe with. ive run a couple of ask blogs before this current one (both that have died for different reasons) n from my experience interacting with other blogs (if theyre okay with it, i think most should be) is pretty fun. it also kinda helps get ur blog around to other ppl on other blogs so they can go Oh whats this cool shit n check u out, n its also a reason why we kinda reblog promo posts for other blogs (also cos we’re always excited when someone new comes on, its really the more the merrier. we see all :eyes:). interacting with other blogs is also an option when ur inbox is looking real roomy too

another reason why i havent exactly done a genshin blog is that idk i cant actually seem to find genshin ask blogs around (i have seen rp blogs, or those that answer asks with mostly text instead of art, but thats. not my thing since i hate my own writing aha) (i did find one aether blog some time ago, but for some reason i hardly see them around anymore??? idk man i might be wrong). its not like im trying super hard to find them ask blogs, so im sure they exist out there (hopefully?? im not sure but im being optimistic). i mean theres nothing wrong with just starting an ask blog without others around, but for me i do find a difference when i interact with other ask blogs n when i dont, n i prefer when theres others to have fun with (unfortunately i couldnt find any ask blogs to interact with in my previous fandom. i tried, but the blogs i approached seemed to go inactive shortly afterwards...) plus u get to meet friends that way too :D (i made a lot of friends via idv askblogs n its really been a joy vibing with others)

as for the idv scene. gestures around me. unfortunately there are a lot of ask blogs that arent that active anymore, but theres still some of us who are alive n kicking empty inboxes, n im sure everyone would love to see a new face around. winks at u. also there seems to be a lot more blogs popping up lately, which is really heartening to see.

then u kinda just. make ur blog? n a starting introduction post so ppl can reblog it n spread the word XD n yay u have a blog i guess??? XD

i gotta say tho. dont expect ur blog to take off immediately (especially for smaller fandoms like idv, tvbh i didnt think my blog would even get half this far when i started cos of how non existent idv tumblr seemed to be) n ur inbox will probably be looking pretty empty a lot of the time (or at least filled with some that u havent quite thought of how to reply to yet aha) (but also like empty inboxes happen pretty often, im sure most of us here have experienced this problem)

in the case of the first ask blog i ever started, it never really took off at all. ngl it was kind of demoralizing n depressing but to be fair i had picked one of the more obscure characters in the series, so obscure that many ppl in the fandom would have never heard of this character before. if u wanted to know, i took a character that only appeared in the 2nd musical of the series, who also made a very brief cameo in the manga to acknowledge his existence within that universe. thats how obscure my character was, but i went with him purely because he was my favourite character. i will say though i did enjoy it while it lasted n i learnt a lot from the experience, n i think thats whats important really.

i guess this kinda leads on (not really but let me digress) to the whole uhhhh thing where if u choose a more popular character, u get more attention. which is fine i guess? if u really vibe with the character, i mean theyre popular for a reason. n choosing a more popular fandom (like genshin) would objectively also get u more viewers n numbers. but like honestly i believe that ask blogs are meant for u to have fun with, n like trying to get popular gets tiring pretty fast (this shouldnt be like a main goal, but u know sometimes u subconsciously also want that gucci follower count n bomb ass notes or something. i used to be guilty of this until i realized it isnt worth it) especially if ur not enjoying yourself in the process. (case in point: my previous fandom was considerably larger n my blog got about 700 followers within a year or so, but it got very tiring n stressful to maintain after my interest in it died, n no one was really interacting with the blog even though i tried which kinda made it even more depressing despite the so called success n popularity of the blog)

anyway on a less serious note, theres a lot of fun stuff u can do with the ask blog, like some ask blogs have really fancy tags that i really like n try to do but also like not really HAHAHAHA. i kinda just channel what i want to see in an ask blog into my own ask blogs (good art is one, i try very hard for it to be good :,DD another is characterization, n others is just extra miscellaneous arts n stuffs like au ideas or memes. these are also somethings u could work on during ask box downtimes perhaps)

uhhh another side thing is like a posting schedule i guess? like ppl would be more likely to interact (i think) if ur blog is relatively active, n this is usually determined by the last post u made (i think XD). but like generally for blog maintenence id say try to kinda find a frequency that ur comfortable with?? cos i know my once a day posting is kinda insane if i wasnt so hyperfixated on all of this n fight the urge to dump all ur replies when u finish them XD (though ive seen some blogs do that n they do it pretty frequently so its pretty nice to know once u see their post u can spend some time going through the latest batch of posts XD) the queue function is pretty useful here even though i truthfully have never really used it, i kinda just post from my drafts really but it also helps to space out ur content to seem somewhat active especially when u dont have the time to be working on replies sometimes. i hope u know what im trying to say here aha

ANYWAY that was like my 1.5 cents cos i dont even think its worth 2 cents HAHAHAHAH these are just my thoughts from running all my blogs up till now, some that are still running n the others that have just died a natural death. i wouldnt actually delete them (theyre still around actually XD) cos theyre kinda like archives n i can look back at what i did last time. cos ngl i made some high quality stuff back then, n i dont even know how i managed to do that aldhflhdsgk. also ppl do look at archive blogs every now n then for the content thats there yknow

BUT YES anyway if u do decide to join the idv ask blogs hmu, ill be sure to give u a lil shoutout here. winks

[ghostofcitrus]

realizations?? cool, cool...

brief warning : i mention transmedicalism and talk about my own body a little

okay so im seeing myself do the exact same shit ive done multiple times ive done when researching gender and stuff. it literally goes like this every time:

i start to think about gender a bit, it floats around the back of my minds for few weeks or whatever. the thoughts comes up more pressing occasionally, but overall it doesnt bug me, its kinda just there

i either think about it more, look at myself in the mirror a certain way, see someone come out, or get reminded of an identity (literally always one of the demigenders. demi-girl, -boy, and -gender have all been past identities/considered identities of mine). now its on the front of my mind.

i do something (when i was younger i layered sports bras, recently i cut my hair, that stuff) and im like fuck okay im really thinking about this now

i go through this back and forth with myself (which was like all my other posts) and eventually land on yes i do actually identify like this. i feel happy and think about the changes i wish i could make to myself (hair, no titties, name, pronoun change)

thennnn i find transmeds again. “you need dysphoria to be trans”. and i like lose my marbles. i start to think of both the discomfort i feel and the lack of discomfort. the best way i can describe it is a similar way i used to experience my sensory issues (before realizing they were sensory issues) : i dont feel like its bothering me, but when i do something that “helps” (i.e. noise cancelling headphones, experiment with pronouns, stuff like that) i feel soo much better!!

but then i start to think that if i had to live as a woman/girl, i would be fine. my life would still be good, id still be happy, all that. so i realize i dont expereince dysphoria, because its obviously not distressing to live as i do presenting fully female, and it doesnt impare my day to day life.

so i stop identifying like that, let it fade out of my mind, and go along with my life, and use the fact that i can do that as proof that im not actually nonbinary. i ignore what i really want and do like other “half” things, like wearing a minimizer bra, cutting my hair mid length, and i used to really hate my body but i worked really reallyyy hard to just accept it and love it. even if it doesnt really feel like me, i just dont really pay attention to it. i like what my body looks like. i think its a nice body,,, not that it actually feels like MINE. but regardless. and it seems that this comes back up every so often. and the process repeats.

anyways. the more i think about the fact that in my head i literally have always had a skewed prospective of my body that does not match what i see, the more confident i feel in identifying as nonbinary. as much as im logically aware that i have Big Boobies, im always surprised to see them/my general body shape. i think a lotlotlot of my self hatred came from that feeling. so like forcing myself to love it has been great...but that disconnect is still there. theres just like no/much less hatred that comes from it anymore. i wear more formfitting clothes and dresses and feel good or nuetral about it, something i really couldnt do before. but JEEZ thinking about having no boobs MM yes Please. being more androgenous but still feminine (idk if that makes sense lmao). and right now? the more i think about how much more comfortable id be like that, the more uncomfortable i am as i am(like, im actualy aware of my chest rn rather than the feeling that it literally doesnt exist til i see it then just :( ). ive never liked a lot of my features but i didnt ever think that maybe the hyper “femaleness” of it was a part of it. and that my desires for more nuetrality (wanting a more nuetral name, getting excited by nuetral pronouns, wanting no b00bs/lots of curves, loving my super short hair, etc) was more rooted in gender than self hatred, and so when i worked through the self hatred part i kinda started to just pretend it wasnt still there, bc i had previously chalked it up to self hatred bc i couldnt be trans/nonbinary without dysphoria right? (according to ppl) and i wasnt actually DISTRESSED by being seen as a girl! so i was just a self-hating girl. but now that the self hatred is gone but a lot of the underlying feelings remain... im re thinking. but still stressed idk. basically what im trying to say is i think i have more of an “issue” with my gender than i thought i did before.

but basically: ugh. if you would like to idkkk.... share thoughts/feelings/personal experience/validation thats all coool.... and very appriciated  

[flutterji]

anything| renjun ff

hi! this is my first ff on tumblr so hopefully it all works out well. hope u enjoy!

desc: y/n and renjun have only been friends for about a month, but renjun was in too deep. whipped renjun, gender not specified reader!! semi drabble, high school au (like all my stories hhh), very fluffy ! barely edited, its a bit long too but whatever

word count:  2103

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y/n and jisung briskly walked the halls of their oh-so-dreadful high school, talking about, of course, absolute nonsense. ‘i mean, like, salamanders are so cute, right?’ y/n questions the tall boy, and jisung nods enthusiastically. “right! so then why would they eat each other?” jisung added. “as babies, too! it doesn make se-” cut off from their sentence, renjun snaked his arms around the both of them before yelling, “hey guys!” “renjunie!” y/n exclaims, and a wide smile paints renjun’s lips. “whats up shawty?” jisung says before making The Fuckboy Face™. “eh, not much, just absolutely dreading and stressing beyond human compacity about the calc exam tomorrow.” renjun says, pulling his arms away and shoving himself in between the two. “maybe we can study? i- honestly i wont be any help, but i have some pretty cool notes i could share?” y/n proposes. “sure, when?” renjun says, without skipping a beat. jisung looks at the two and then looks away in disgust. “you oldies.” he says, before sticking out his tongue in a teasing manner. “whatever, loser!” y/n says, emphasizing the ‘loser’. jisung pretends to cry and is all but payed attention to when renjun bothers y/n for an answer. ‘we cant study if you dont tell me when!” “well if the exam’s tomorrow then obviously we study today! what are you, an idiot?” y/n says, lightly teasing the poor boy. “right, but like, when today?” “you annoy me.” y/n responds without really responding, traveling away to meet their other friend group. “haha, y/n hates you!” jisung says. renjun then nudges jisung not-so-gently before sighing. “i dont get it. i would do anything for them and they just brush me off like im... i dont know, what am i?” he asks, confused. “an idiot. a complete idiot.”

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as soon as school ends, renjun sends y/n a text. ‘library?’ is all he says, and y/n answers quickly. ‘get here quickly pls,,, i dont wanna waste time” y/n sends back shortly after. renjun walks to their schools library, and sees his study mate. “hey jun, hurry up before i start growing grey hairs.” y/n whisper yells from one of the tables. he had taken longer than he wanted to, so he rushed to the table and scurried to get out his notebook and a pencil. ‘right, so, show me your notes.” y/n says, half distracted by the drawing they were creating in the corner of a scrap piece of paper. renjun opens his note book, revealing his subpar notes. “dude, what-- how much time do you spend actually taking notes?” y/n asks before revealing their organized notes that definitely weren’t the best, but better than renjun’s. “i look out the window more than i pay attention, ha...” renjun admits with a sheepish smile. “sure, just read my notes and copy whatever you need.” y/n says nonchalantly. “thank you so much, you’re a life saver, y/n!” renjun exclaims. “of course i am, i’m me.” y/n says unexpectedly, before ‘posing’ and rolling their eyes.

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after some time had passed, renjun had gotten distracted. “junie, can i tell you something?” y/n asked, looking at renjun’s renovated notes. “sure, whats up?” renjun responds while flipping his pencil between his fingers. “there’s this girl that likes me, but i don’t like her back. it’s kinda so awkward, but i don’t want it to be. ugh, its so frustrating!” y/n whines as they drum their fingers against the table. “oh? who is it? can i know?” renjun immediately asks. “she told me tot to tell anyone. so i’m kinda already not listening, but as long as i don’t tell you her name that should be fine, right?” renjun whines and begins asking more questions. “is she nice? do i know her? when-” “shut up.” y/n cuts him off and runs their temples. “she’s... its not like she’s not nice, and you don’t know her, okay? ugh, i shouldn’t have even tried telling you about my love life.” y/n grumbles. “love life?” renjun asks. “maybe you could repay me by telling me something.” y/n offers, a smirk growing on their face. renjun tries hard not to blush and looks away quickly. “there’s, uh, nothing to talk about, ha.” he explains half heartedly. “sure there is! maybe not recent, but tell me something at least a little interesting.” y/n persuades. “uh, well, last year i made friends with this... person, and i liked them. they, uh, they moved away. yea.” renjun cant help but blush as he struggles to find literally anything else to do. “yea, sure.” y/n takes note of his blush and can’t help but wonder if he’s lying. 

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y/n begins packing up and renjun looks at them in confusion. “you have to go?” he asks, trying to hide his disappointment. “yea, im sorry. you got everything you needed, right?” y/n responds. y/n has a knack for ignoring renjun, the way he blushes, the way he often looks at them with wide eyes, the way he looks around aimlessly when he thinks, the way he throws his head back when he laughs, the way he bends his knees when he screams into the air when he’s frustrated or flustered, and... maybe they didn’t ignore renjun. maybe they didnt ignore him at all. “yea, thank you so much!” and he smiles the cutest smile and starts packing up his things as well. “you have a ride home? i’m taking the bus.” y/n asks. “i’m taking the bus too! maybe we should get a snack for the ride?” “YES.” y/n answers right away. renjun laughs and throws back his head, just like how y/n was just thinking about. a small smile creeps up y/n’s face and a boldness takes over. “you’re adorable, you know that?” y/n asks, swinging their backpack over their shoulder. renjun blushes, and hard. his heart races and he struggles to come up with a reply as his hand thoughtlessly covers his smile. “adorable, ha.” he says quietly. y/n internally yells and waits for him. “yea. so what type of snack do you want?”

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on the bus with chip bags on their laps, the silence is almost comforting, right before it’s not. the bus stops to let in more people, and renjun looks at y/n. y/n pops more chips in their mouth before looking back, and renjun swiftly looks away. they’re sitting next to each other, and renjun has never been that close to y/n. he starts noticing their more delicate features up close and feels his chest tightening. after y/n swallows the chips, they look at renjun’s hand, a single ring on his pointer finger. mindlessly, they pick it up to examine the ring. renjun’s heart starts beating louder at the contact, and he looks out the window without knowing what else to do. “pretty ring.” y/n says. “thank you, chenle gave it to me.” he says, smiling shyly. “so you’re married?” y/n says, a single brow raised. renjun takes back his hand and and looks at his ring. “its not like that! besides, i dont like him.” he says. “do you like someone else then?” “maybe.” renjun mutters so quietly that he can barely hear himself. “HA! I KNEW IT!”  y/n celebrates their small victory and renjun looks back towards the window with a stupid smile on his face and a blush on his cheeks.

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once renjun reaches his stop, he stands up. “this you?” y/n asks. “yea, bye!” he says, almost sadly walking in front of y/n to get out of the aisle. “no, not bye, lemme walk with you the rest of the way.” y/n says and gets up, walking out and away from the bus shortly after. renjun smiles to himself and walks towards his street, leading the way. “so... who is it?” y/n asks. renjun blushes and covers his face. “i can’t tell you that!” he says. “why not? huh? i’ll tell you mine.” y/n says. “yoU HAVE A CRUSH?” renjun practically screams. “yea, it’s not a big deal.” y/n says, right before pulling two lollipops out of their pocket and handing one to renjun. “fine, but, please don’t hate me.” renjun pleads, putting the wrapper into his pocket. “i promise i wont hate you. who is it?” “well, we only started being friends recently, but they’re just so.. i don’t know. and i’ve told jisung this, but i would do anything for them.” he says, trying hard not to stutter and even harder to not get a heart attack. y/n puts the lollipop in their mouth, and renjun follows. “anything?” y/n asks playfully. “yea, pretty much. i don’t even know why i like them so much, they act like... i don’t know, they kind of ignore me.” y/n secretly wondered what type of human would be able to ignore someone as nice and as attractive as renjun. “ignore you? it’s hard to do that with how whiny you are.” y/n laughs and renjun whines. “see, i told you!” y/n says and smiles around their lollipop. “anyways, do i know them?” y/n asks shortly after. “yea, kinda... hah, all of a sudden i dont really wanna talk about it anymore, so, bye?” renjun forces his hands into his pockets. was he really ready to confess? “fine, i’ll tell you about mine then. he’s really charming in his own way, and i just realized that i liked him recently. we also haven’t been friends for long, ha. i don’t know why, there’s just something about him, his cute little habits are so endearing to me. ew, i sound gross.” y/n pretends to vomit, and renjun sighs lowly. “you really do like him, huh?” he asks, defeated. “yea, i guess i really do.”  y/n smiles to themselves and nudges renjun.

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renjun kicks at a rock before stopping in front of a house. “well, this is my house, so...” “right.” y/n nods and presses their lips together. “hey, could you do me a favor?” y/n asks, right before renjun goes to walk up to the door. “sure, anything you want?” “anything?” y/n asks with a smile on their face. renjun lightly blushes, before saying quietly, “yea, anything.” he sends a small smile and y/n can’t help but walk closer to the boy. renjun’s heart starts pounding inside his chest. did he just confess?   y/n reaches out to him and gives him a hug. renjun frantically tries placing his hands on y/n’s back multiple times before finally resting them in one spot, placing his head in the crook of their neck. to him, it felt like they fit together perfectly. a giant smile paints his lips and y/n starts retracting their arms. ‘it’s you, renjun.” y/n faulters with their words. renjun’s eyes go wide and his lips part to let in air. he felt like he couldn’t breathe. “me. i am? it’s… what? he says, absolutely speechless. “you’re the guy i was talking about earlier. not that it matters.” y/n shrugs, trying to hide the fact that their heart was absolutely racing. “it does, uh, to me, because, you’re the person i was talking about earlier too, so…” he hides his face with his hand and looks away. ‘you think i ignore you?’ y/n says, surprised. ‘uh, a little bit…” he admits, shyly. he felt like he was going to explode, he was so flustered. “sorry, i’ll try to pay more attention to you?” y/n offers, paired with a crooked smile. renjun bends his knees and screams into the air, making y/n smile and laugh shortly after. “sorry, and, yea, that would be nice.” y/n hesitates before stepping forward and planting a quick kiss on renjun’s cheek, sending the poor love-struck boy’s heart to heaven and hell at the same time. a wide goofy smile is shared between the both of them. “ill text you?” y/n offers, hands trying to find a place to stop before finally landing in their pockets. “yes, great! i mean, uh, cool. very cool.” renjuns fails to hide his excitement as he practically floats on air and lets out a sigh, shooting y/n a thumbs up. “very cool, yes.” y/n laughs and finally leaves the boy to go inside, and he automatically starts jumping in a circle and clapping out of happiness.

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the end! 

[icharchivist]

hello icha!!!!! learned from my mistakes and typed this out in a separate document. first i have to say im feeling a very deep connection with citron as of late bc i was giving myself a pep talk abt like physics and i told myself "face up and man the music!" and was like "...is that wrong. theres that song called man against the music isnt there... yeah it must be right" and. well i realized later. i also think the phrase "dont cry because it happened, smile because its over" is very good. also I’m halfway thru creating a very eclectic list of like. a Pokémon team for each a3 character which is… something. kinda knew it would happen to me. might take a while for me to finish it tho now that I’m halfway bc I’m suddenly having a crisis like “wait shit I’m only confident on my understanding and characterizing of like 4 characters am I good enough” so… it’s slow going lol. anyways. i finished that damn physics thing I was giving myself a pep talk about and so am treating myself to autumn/winter. happens that watching these events is also like. the only thing which reminds me to actually like. log into a3 lol. i am so bad at gacha games. probably a good thing in the long run. ok starting from the top!

hisoka going "zzz" as his reaction made me immediately go... oh dear, please dont fall asleep in the bath and guess what happened. yeah. good thing homare was there lol. speaking of i fucking adore homare and his poetry. id buy his collection. i also wish there was a collection like if there was a master list of every poem he says in like. at the very least main story. if not i will literally do it myself. i love homare so much im like him in that back when i had to play dodgeball id always be like kufufufu they cant hit me if im friendless enough that no one pays attention to me but like in my case it actually worked out. on the subject of the pillow fight tho, hisoka's crazy strong pillow fight throw... one more mark on the list for suspicious, maybe assassin occupation. this event made me realize how much i missed winter like. i saw the stranger pretty recently (which has caused the effect of be being like "taichi!! thats my boy!!" in my head everytime he shows up lol but anyways i havent gotten to a winter play yet so im VERY hype. especially bc this seems like it stars hisoka and homare??? like oh!! oh!!!! also detective fiction... im swooning. i also just enjoy the hisoka homare dynamic a whole fucking lot i think its nice how homare was like "yeah im ride or die for this funky lil amnesiac, why wouldnt you be?" and its just like. nice. feel like hes always reaching out to hisoka which is like. man homare is so nice.

back to chronology. ofc sakyo goes cheap for the hot springs lol. on brand as ever. was very hype for the azuma sakyo dynamic bc all i remember is like azuma trashing everyone including sakyo at some game or the other in one of the winter chapters and it was very good. or was this a clip in like a stage play? either way it was delightful. at first i misinterpreted taichi going "…" after azuma and sakyo said theyd never been on a field trip bc like. taichi being quiet or noncommunicative... after going thru autumn troupe act 1 it makes me fear for my life a little lol. anyways im glad he was just like planning fun times. speaking of taichi tho we got a tasuku taichi pair for etudes!!!! im not spoiling myself for later events but i hope to GOD tasuku and taichi do like a lead co lead in SOMETHING or at least like some mixed troupe event i want them to talk!!!

also dunno if this is an intentional pun but i enjoy that its called high spirits at the hot spring bc like oh theyre having fun but also bc like. "spirits" is used to refer to a certain type of alcohol i think? which is cool. dunno if its intentional but i liked that. anyways the talent show. taichis moving rendition of single ladies... ok i know it said single fellas but like. we know. wonder if that line was a different song in japanese? its not too old at ALL tho imo. anyways the way banri and juza being themselves Are the entertainment... flashback to when banri slaps juza live on stage instead of doing a stage slap lol. my reaction to azuma essentially went:

azuma: I can offer to bare my soul, and a little more ;)

izumi: what do u mean by that???

me: hey tasuku and omi were shirtless what's ur problem with azuma

anyways i reread and from what i understand they were maybe only flexing and doing a gun show? which like. no wonder it didnt last too long then lol. also explains why they didnt have shirtless sprites i suppose lmao. i am SO curious abt what azuma ended up doing tho that fade to black is so mysterious! did he tap dance? did he pole dance? the world will never know...

oh also im not like super familiar with azuma yet but my read on his personality is definitely like "I am so touch starved All The Time but I will be chill. :) :) this is fine :)" like he just seems to rly like being around people! just like basking in presence whether or not hes rly talking that much.

i enjoyed that juza mentioned pillow fighting with his lil brother... thats nice! i think a lot of this event was just focused on ppl having fun over the drama lol bc it got wrapped up sooo quick. i liked the bit where sakyos worried that izumi was out late searching for him tho it was so sweet. table tennis match was very fun although id argue calling hisoka and juza the two quietest tho lol like... banri exists so juza isnt quiet. just like inevitably. finally, the event cg!!! azumas hair tied up... so nice! thats how I tie my hair up sometimes tho it doesnt look nearly as nice lol. taichi rambling abt his first love for so long tho... lol. ill be honest i have to reread autumn bc i was not aware of this whole situation until it came up in the stranger and i like inferred from there. the end of this event was nice! it was cute. i dont rly have much thoughts on it but im so hype for the winter play

Hello:!!! so good to see you again, freshly learning from your mistakes then :3c

the connection with Citron is a BLAST to read about. I am glad that Citron is there, on your mind, supporting you at every turns of language. It's beautiful.

AND OH THE POKEMON LIST!!! thrilled to hear about it being a wip ongoing! take your time ofc and i hope you'll feel more confident as you go for your characters interpretation! i believe in you!

lmao i'm glad the events help you remember to play a3, i'm sure that by the time you'll be done with the events you will have unlocked so much of act 2 you won't have to worry too much about it. Anyway i'm glad you treat yourself to good things :3c

of course Hisoka fell asleep in the bath. tbh this event was a lot of "Hisoka almost dies in a spring house multiple times if it wasn't for his troupesmates". Between sleeping in the bath and almost swallowing the table tenis ball... where would we be without Winter, and especially Homare, taking care fo him.

I'm SO GLAD you like Homare that much! he's so so good! i'm sure there must be a masterlist somewhere, or well. can be done anytime i guess?? but yeah Homare is fantastic and LDJFDLKFJDF the evil plan to avoid dodgeball from both of you.. this is incredible DLKJFDLKF. But yeah alas he's loved by his own so he gets hit smh.

And yeah Hisoka is just acting sus huh.

BUT YEAH... YEAH... WINTER... BELOVED.... I feel regular and normal feelings for Winter as you know, s o .

(i'm so delighted that you feel that way about Taichi though, as he deserves!! what a good boy!!!)

But yeah Winter play next!!!!! i love the winter plays so much i hope you'll like it as well!! aND YEAH HISOKA AND HOMARE AS A DUO... for a DETECTIVE story?? so good.

I'm sO GLAD you like their dynamic! yeah i adore it too. Homare was so quick to leap into taking care of Hisoka? Like i mean he immediatly called him sleeping beauty when they first met, and immediately decided to be his roommates to watch over him, and then he did everything to take care of him and it's just so sweet. Homare has such a big heart he's so gentle with Hisoka. Homey and comfortable, whenever Hisoka admits it or not ahah.

ahah wouldn't be Sakyo if he didn't need to stay cheap. BUT YEAH the Sakyo/Azuma dynamic is pretty good. oh the event you talk about i think is in some of his very first backstage storyes (that you can read if you have them since they're at this point of the chronology). There's one where they play a mafia game and Sakyo is warry of Azuma because "people like him are those you need to worry about the most" and Azuma is just ":) you wound me :) i would never :)" and then Azuma wins the game and starts to mess with everyone. It was so fun. and yeah i see which clip you mean for the stage play!! it's so so fun they have such a neat dynamic and i loved to see it in this event as well.

and omg worrying about Taichi while he was just there preparing a fun time! this child really would have worried us all back then huh

but AHH YEAH TASUKU TAICHI.... It's such a neat dynamic! ofc i won't say anything but man i love the potential of their stories, as the two ex Godza boys. To see them bond and be comfortable with each other always make me so soft.

OH NICE CATCH FOR THE PUN! i think it must be the reason for it tbh, i love it! thanks for pointing it out!

The talent show was really fun yeah ahah! I wonder what it is in Japanese too but at least the localization was hella fun!

"anyways the way banri and juza being themselves Are the entertainment." THEY'RE SO SILLY I love them so much

AND LMAO YOUR REACTION AT AZUMA I LOVE IT. YEah i think Tasuku and Omi are just flexing (which is Still. SO FUNNY. Just there saying "our talents is.. our muscles...") meanwhile Azuma is like "my talent is that i'm crazy hot :)"

But YEAH Azuma... AZUMA WHAT DID YOU DO....

your read on Azuma's personality feels pretty spot on to me ahah omg. Staying with what you know about him, the fact that with his job and all, he seems like he's starving for connection while also terrified to make himself emotionally vulnerable. He loves staying with people, listening to them, caring for them, and he's touch starved as hell (i mean it's his job) but he doesn't seem to really know how to be on the receiving hand of affection. there's a flair talk, i can't remember where, with Omi at some point, where Azuma compliments him, and Omi is just "mhm.. but you know i think that it's more about you" and ends up complimenting Azuma in depth and it let Azuma dumbfounded because he didn't expect Omi to trick him at his own game, while Omi just genuinely don't get why Azuma is reacting that way. He gives he gives he gives, and he's genuinely happy with that, but he seems to have difficulties to take, or to demand for something, while also starving for it. I have so many emotions for Azuma.

Any mentions of Juza's little bro are the best things. I love this type of mention TwT

And yeah it was such a laid back event. Honestly deserved after the crying fest that was The Stranger imo. It's good to relax once in a while and it was nice to have them have fun. There was the bitterness of both Azuma and Sakyo's past that was always a bit looming but everyone was working so hard for them to enjoy themselves that the joy just overtake any sadness i loved it.

Sakyo worrying about Izumi is always adorable TwT

And yeah the Table Tennis match was so fun and chaotic LMAO. I love the dynamic between Juza and Hisoka. Just two usually quiet boys who like sweets. Except that yeah like you say, as long as Banri is around, Juza cannot be 100% quiet. Rip.

THE CG WAS SO PRETTY i loved seeing it. And omg you can share your hairtips with Azuma how nice :D Azuma manages to make everything look beautiful smh....

Oh yeah Taichi and his first love! if i recall he mentions it quickly at the begining, that Yuki reminds him of his first love, and he says that again at some point - then the fake Portrait he does he mentions his first love again. And since then it's been a reccuring topic so yeh :3c

but yeah! this event was really sweet and laid back, not much to say about it, but it was nice to have it at all!

Hope you'll like the winter play :3c

Take care and thank you again for your thoughts <33 i love reading them!! bless you!!

[shhh-no-ones-home]

artistry (1/2) bucky barnes x reader

+++++++++

part 1 part 2

therapy, and hatred for the same things; the beginning of a beautiful love story 😌

also sorry this is not any of the stories on the list i published a couple weeks ago. ive been submerged in the falcon and the winter soldier and really wanted to write more for Bucky so here's the beginning of that. i will be working on the other stories they just may take more time. but for now i hope you all enjoy the bucky content!

Song: never know by set it off

tag list: @cynic-spirit

+++++++++

I stood, knees to the couch, arms folded over my chest, Studying the wall as best I could. God I fucking hated it. It was so polite and warm and inviting. Barf.

"Disturbing."

I grumbled, hearing soft footsteps against the carpet.

"Oh sorry, they told me to wait in here I didn't realize there was someone-"

I glanced over at him for a moment. He seemed like he wanted to leave but I'm sure he was curious what I was doing. I was staring at the wall behind the couch after all.

"It's kind of infuriating isn't it?"

I asked, looking over the pale greens and blues.

"Um, what is?"

He now seemed very confused. I nodded towards the mural.

"Sometimes when I look at this wall too long I can just imagine myself punching a hole in it."

I half laughed.

"I couldn't tell you how many times I've wanted to offer to paint over it."

I uncrossed my arms, side stepping the couch and touching the wall gently.

"I never really thought about it but it is kind of ugly isn't it?"

He sent me a smile and I couldn't help laughing more.

"Y/n."

I said offering my hand to shake.

"James."

"Firm grip ya got there James."

He rubbed his gloved hands together, looking to the floor as his smile faded.

"Thought I knew my own strength."

I kept the smile on, touching his shoulder gently.

"Hey, a firm grip isn't necessarily a bad thing. Besides, no harm no foul. I'm sure you put it to good use."

I winked at him and he seemed like he didn't know what to do again. Until he let out a nervous laugh.

"Right."

I nodded once, looking back over the wall and dropping my hand from him.

"I should probably get going, doc should be in soon and I wouldn't want to take away from your session."

I walked past him.

"It was nice to meet you James."

As I reached the door he cleared his throat.

"Hey y/n-"

He said quickly and I turned back around to face him. He was fiddling with his fingertips, pinching the leather of the black gloves.

"I uh, don't get out much but I was wondering if you'd like to get a drink. Maybe, talk about how you'd repaint this wall?"

He pointed to it haphazardly, a smile making its way back to his face. In that moment I couldn't help the one creeping it's way across my own lips. I nodded quickly.

"I'd like that a lot James, uh here, you can call or text me at this number and we can work something out."

As I spoke I reached into my bag and pulled out a business card that I probably hadn't used in too long. The edges were fraying and my occupation had changed but I handed it to him anyway. He held it between both hands and looked over it.

"Are you free tonight?"

He asked, hope behind his eyes. I pretended to think for a moment.

"Ya know what I think I am."

I said and his smile got wider.

"Meet me at the bar at the corner of tenth and Jefferson?"

I nodded slowly at his inquisition, backing up into the doorway and squeaking when my back hit the wood.

"Eight o'clock, don't be late."

I said, turning and almost running into Dr Raynor.

"Oh, sorry, uh have a good session."

I mumbled quickly, ducking past her.

"I'll see you tonight James."

°°°°°°°°°

As I sat at the bar alone I began to doubt he was even coming. It was almost nine already and I was starting to think I was stupid for even waiting this long. Maybe I should go. Or maybe I should try to find someone else to talk to. The band was pretty good after all. I sighed and raised my finger to get the bartenders attention. when she turned around i opened my mouth-

"I'll have what she's having."

I heard, looking over to James with wide eyes as he sat beside me. He was wearing a navy blue leather jacket of some kind that exposed his left, metal, arm.

"You actually came."

I said surprised. He seemed almost ashamed.

"Sorry I'm late. My friend needed me and we got a little caught up. I was going to call but-"

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and the top was barely hanging onto the base by a wire. the flip phone kind of took me aback though. but it didnt matter, he showed up.

"It's okay, im just glad you actually came."

He let out a nervous laugh and took a sip of the drink the bartender had sat down.

"I was hoping you'd still wanna talk, even though I'm an hour late."

I nodded, looking over his face as he fully turned to me and my face fell.

"An hour late and bleeding."

I reached towards him and touched his temple gently. He winced at first.

"You wanna get out of here? I can get that fixed up; I only live about a block away."

I suggested and he nodded slowly.

"Uh yeah, I'd like that."

I paid the bartender and stood up, James following me outside. I inhaled deeply at the scent of rain as the sky darkened with clouds.

"So, something life-threatening happen on your way here?"

I asked, laughing a little as he looked to me.

"I'm kidding. Unless it did, in which case I'm glad you're okay."

He scratched the back of his neck, pacing slowly beside me.

"Good talk."

I said and he cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry I just, I don't do this often and I feel like I've already lost my chance with you."

I looked to him and drew my brows.

"would i have invited you to my house if you had?"

he shrugged, side nodding before tucking his hands into his pockets. i frowned when he didnt respond.

"look, james, i think I'll be the judge of whether or not youve lost your chance and right now I say you haven't. but you said you wanted to talk and there's not a whole lot of that going on."

He let out a nervous laugh.

"Why don't you tell me a little about yourself?"

I asked, slipping my right hand into his left elbow and he stopped. He looked down at our arms connected for a second and then I felt bad.

"Sorry, I just uh, figured it'd lighten the mood a bit. Sorry."

I pulled away and kept walking.

"Wait. No, it's just-"

I looked back at him and watched as he opened and closed his hand a few times.

"I don't really associate good things with it so it took me off guard a little bit. You can, uh, you can hold my hand if you want. That's fine."

He stepped closer to me and took my hand in his. I smiled at him and nodded.

"Thanks, I guess I just wasn't really thinking."

We kept walking.

"It doesn't bother you?"

He asked and I shrugged.

"Why would it bother me?"

There was a long silence as we rounded the street corner.

"I don't know."

He said softly.

"Uh, we're here."

I said, letting go of his hand and walking up the stairs to unlock my front door, looking to him as he looked over it. when i offered for him to come inside he hesitated for a moment but followed me in anyway.

"here you can sit here, let me get a look at where this blood is coming from."

he watched as i pulled the stool out form under my breakfast bar and i felt more nervous than before. it had suddenly occurred to me that we would be getting much closer and that led to some pretty self-conscious thoughts. but who was i kidding? he bared himself to me already, why should i be scared?

i inhaled deeply as he sat, moving to turn another light on so i could see better. i moved back over to stand between his legs, touching his jaw lightly and tilting his head down. he kept his eyes on me as i touched the wound gently, hearing his breathing hitch in the back of his throat before i let go to get a cold wash rag.

"so, you wanna tell me what happened?"

i asked, trying to lighten the mood as i came back and began wiping the dried blood away from the cut at his hairline. my finger tips were at his chin and he seemed more relaxed now.

"i was helping a friend."

he repeated like before. i nodded once.

"you live a dangerous life don't you James?"

he looked up at me with innocent eyes.

"bucky."

he said and i raised a brow.

"bucky?"

"thats what my friends call me."

i nodded once.

"are you calling me a friend?"

i asked and he finally cracked a smile.

"if you want to be."

he said and i let out a short laugh.

"and if i dont?"

his smile began to fade and he cleared his throat. i looked to the ceiling for a moment before leaning down and kissing his cheek gently.

"thats not what i meant bucky."

when he looked back up at me he seemed so lost, like this was a new type of kindness. part of my heart broke thinking about what could have happened to lead him here.

"what do you say we call this a trial run? we can take a weekend sometime and maybe go to the art museum down the street, get pizza for lunch, and just have a good time."

he seemed like he was still trying to study me as i put the wash rag on the counter and wiped my wet hands on my jeans.

"no blood, no confusion, just two people having a good time."

i held my hand out for him to shake. he nodded slowly, the smile barely there as he reached for it.

"i think id like that y/n. i think id like that a lot."

[drkcnry67]

Dance with me?

A/N: @obxmermaid​  this is day 15 omg thank you for the opportunity to make christmas stories this year. im honored that i can expand my writing fandoms. today we find that its before owls, before christmas feast, before their relationship was out in the open. this is the formal, this is the hogwarts winter formal. draco and Yn are not yet a public couple but this night Draco takes the courage to ask YN to dance and no one asks questions cause all cards and rivalry’s are off the table during the dance and for that day. so this is what looks like a friendly dance between a guy and a girl. but it is so much more than that.

pairing: Draco Malfoy x reader

prompt: snowball fight/ winter formal

mentioning @sweetness47​

25 days of hogwarts

the yule ball, or in some cases what would be known as a winter formal is one of the most sacred events hogwarts has the honor of throwing every 2 years. its a grand event some people have their gowns and tuxes picked out months or years ahead of the event. 

but you had no gown yet for the gown you wanted was in london at a shop you had passed by so many times and the last time you did you saw a halter peacock teal floor length gown. it took your breath away. 

this was the gown you wanted but alas you had no time at that moment to get it. a few days before the ball you were watching the entire dorm obsess over their gowns, choosing hair and makeup. but you and draco hadnt even discussed going to the ball. 

or at least what would happen at the ball. but meeting draco for your session a few days before the formal, you were distracted and draco could tell.

Draco: something on your mind love.

YN: the formal is in 2 days and well we cant go as a couple no one outside of our friends know, and what if people ask questions. 

Draco: so we wont show up together but the formal is a chance for everyone to forget the rivalry’s and grudges and hard feelings are off the table. no one will ask questions if i ask you to dance. and whats better is this will be the first of many dances to come i hope. 

yn: i just wish i could walk in with you on my arm and not have to worry about a thing. 

Draco: i know what you mean but it will hopefully show the professors that even our rivalry can be put aside when it matters. 

YN: i hope so. i need a dress though. 

Draco scribbles out a quick fire message and sends it off... 

YN: what was that about...

Draco: trust me you will thank me later... just promise me you will have the time of your life at the formal besides we will dance and no one will say anything... besides i look forward to the end of the party, where you and i meet in the courtyard to just watch the stars and hide away for a kiss, all before returning to the charade and our dorms.

YN: so basically you have the entire night planned out. 

Draco: more or less yes... now go you need to have energy for tomorrow. get some rest my love. go before you fall asleep on my lap. 

YN: i guess your right, i will see you tomorrow in class... 

you walked out of the tower and back to your dorm. where you collapsed on the bed as hermione walked in. 

Hermione: so how was your tutoring tonight cuz? 

YN: it was fine... we talked about the formal... he has the entire night planned out but then i told him that i didnt have anything to wear. and before you say it cuz, its fine i mean im sure he will dance with me whether im in a pretty dress or my uniform. 

Hermione: i know we are gonna look killer at the formal or we are gonna fail trying to have a fun night. now what about your wardr... Oh My God! cuz get over here a box with a bow on it just showed up at the entrance.

you get up off the bed and run over to the entrance where Hermione was gawking at the box. 

YN: OMG what could be in such a large box... 

Hermione: well lets get it inside and happily look at this mystery package. 

YN: i think i might know who this is from... but yes lets get it inside before we do anything else with this. 

it was your own mind putting draco’s mysterious fire message with the sudden appearance of this box. the timing of it all was far too coincidential, but never the less you looked forward to whatever lay inside this box. 

You set it on your bed, you ran your fingers over the box, tracing the bow, tracing the box outline. this was when your cousin noticed an envelope on top of the box tucked under the ribbon. 

Hermione: maybe that envelope will explain better as to whats inside and possibly who its from... 

you grab the envelope and open it, its a list of what is inside the box as well as instructions. 

“this box contains the following items: - A-Line Scoop Neck Floor-Length Chiffon Prom Dresses With Beading Sequins in Ink Blue, - navy blue  Faux Fur Fashion Wrap, -a custom bracelet in rose gold, -a gold  Beautiful Rhinestone/Alloy Headband & -  Black Women's Leather Suede Heels Latin With Ankle Strap. do not open this box until the day of the formal. you will look beautiful. save me a dance or several.. love always Draco”

you sat back on the bed and smiled lightly as you tucked the box under your cousin’s bed and hid the note in your dresser, you giggled yourself to sleep that night. for you knew the next 2 days would be torture till the day of the formal anyway. 

you were the one person in this entire school who would ever take the dance not seriously. you were the only one whose heart would not allow you to fall in love with a person who did not share your heart. 

you woke the next morning to the sound of your alarm. you went to the closet and pulled out your uniform putting it on and grabbing your cloak before heading out of the room with your wand in your sock. 

YN (to self): i hope this doesnt mess up anything, tomorrow is gonna be a happy day. the next day is the formal, and I have the opportunity to show this school that even those who are rivals can become chill even in the midst of the old laws. i need to get to class so that way no one suspects anything. 

you made it to potions and smiled slightly as hermione was sitting beside your seat. draco had followed you inside. you knew that hermione could feel the happiness flowing out from you. 

You were the one person that Hermione could trust and likewise her for you. But it was now to your surprise that she passed you her notebook with a few simple words on it.

"Draco won't stop glancing at you. His pupils dilate when he stares at you. It's like he is mentally undressing you or something..."

You reply back with a simple phrase.

"he I'm sure is just removing a few layers, back to when we were in london and we went swimming in a private pool. We made out for hours. Now we will discuss this later."

you slid her back her notebook and both of you paid attention as snape decided to begin his lesson with a pop quiz type thing, you and hermione being the 2 smartest witches in the room decided to let the other students have a chance to answer the questions. 

Snape: yn tell me what is the common use of wolfsbane?

YN: wolfbane used to sedate or subdue a werewolf. it is also known as acanite or commonly found in the form of a blue flower, it is in some cases a rare find. 

Snape: and how exactly does one give wolfsbane to the werewolf?

YN: it has to be while its human, most times wolfsbane is used to snuff out the werewolves in human form before its too late. 

snape: i would like each of you to take one of these flowers and for the next class prepare to brew me some wolfsbane if you wish to pass. now before the end of class today copy down the board, we will be studying wolfsbane for the next week. 

you went to your notebook and copied down the board. it was very distracting when you knew your boyfriend was stealing glances at you...  this made it very hard to concentrate. 

you wrote a note on your notebook and slid it to your cousin... 

“im getting antsy, cuz i am really anxious...”

she replied with the typical responce.

“dont worry girl, im sure you both will have your alone time later... think about it this way, in 2 years you will be able to marry and there will be nothing anyone can say to stop you.”

you had to internally laugh...

“me married can you imagine that... god if i know much more about that than you do... by the way i am so nervous to see what is in that box... like what if it doesnt bring the correct appeal...”

you sighed as your cousin wrote her responce.

“chill girl, your gonna rock that formal... now finish your notes so you can get out of here and be with your man.”

You smiled as you finish your notes and wait for Snape to dismiss the class. You stared at the ceiling for a few moments trying to keep a cool head.

Snape: alright those who finished the notes can leave a few moments early, those who haven't you have 5 minutes to finish those notes.

You and Hermione got up and walked out of the class, you walked by where Draco was sitting you had used a slight of hand to slip him a note.

You knew he would read it after class, you also knew he would thank you for it later. But you and Hermione took off and walked back to the court yard.

Where you both parted ways you both had picked a random slot for your separate ways. You were off to the quidditch tent to prep for the upcoming Christmas match, Hermione headed to divination.

You were one of those few captains who would take half a period out of your entire day to spend it preparing for a match that was a week and a bit away.

You had to come up with a strategy that would knock your match out of the water. you could feel something strange something abnormal as you stood in the tent. 

the earth began to quake, the tent came down on your head before you could move out of the way.... you were covered in tent, and one of the tent pole was on you too heavy to move. 

you held your wand up... 

YN: periculum!

you sent the sparks and then passed out. you knew someone would possibly come find you. you had to have faith, you had too believe that one person above all others would see it. 

meanwhile, hermione had bumped into draco in the hall on the way to divination, she told draco that she last saw you in the courtyard... draco and hermione then saw the sparks. both of them went to find any professor they could cause that was the rules. 

they ended up spying mcgonigal, running up to her in a hurry they approach her with the news of the sparks. 

mcgonigal: miss granger, mr malfoy come with me we will investigate this immediately. 

the 3 of them hastely rushed toward the sparks, seeing the collapsed tent on arrival, mcgonigal waves her wand and sets the tent right, they all went inside and foudn you there after. 

mcgonigal transported herself plus you draco and hermione to the hospital wing. madame pomfry immediately got involved, she was pushing everyone back... but the only person who had to leave was minerva. 

hermione and draco now remained in the room to wait whether and when you would wake. your body had gone into a state of shock, the pole had bruised you a bit and thanks to the miracle potion that madame pomfry had administered to you, you were healing nicely. 

hermione: come on girl, come on we still have to rock this formal, come on please wake up come on cuz... we both need you to wake up. 

draco: don't you dare leave me, you can't, we haven't had any time. Come on YN wake up, open your eyes. We need to have our day in the sun! I need you to open your eyes so we can live our future together our way.

Madame pomfry heard what Draco said deciding not to say anything she just came back round to your bed side and administered a second dose of medicine.

Madame pomfry: take a bed each of you. Get some sleep, you both will be alerted first when she wakes. Try not to worry she will pull through she is a extraordinary girl.

Draco took a bed near you, Hermione took one on the other side of you. They wanted to be the first people's you saw when you woke up.

They tossed and turned but eventually both fell asleep. it was 8 hours later that an announcement rang through the school...

Minerva: attention students the quidditch field is off limits due to an investigation of recent events. someone brought the tent down on ravenclaw Yn. note that the perpetrator who is responsible if a student will be immediately expelled and sent to the ministry to await trial. we take this seriously. please be sure to make good notes for your fellow classmate as she is soon recovered in the hospital wing thanks to madame pomfry, classes go on as scheduled and the formal is still happening, thank you for your attention. 

both draco and hermione sat up a few moments after at the sound of your groans. they both looked at you in time for you to open your eyes. 

hermione: YN...

Draco: YN... your ok!

madame pomfry walked in at that moment as well to see you sit up. 

Madame Pomfry: YN your awake wonderful how are you feeling. 

YN: like i was hit by a unexpected brick wall what happened?

madame pomfry: you were found under the collapsed quidditch tent, you were brought to me bruised and unconcious. these 2 were among those who found you. you are pretty lucky you werent seriously injured. your bruising has gone down, you will stay in here for a few more hours then you can go back to your dorm. it is my recommendation that you get plenty of rest and then you go to the formal tomorrow and take it easy... your cousin will be allowed to stay with you tonight so she can make sure you get the rest you need. 

now that madame pomfry had come to see you hermione got off the cot she slept on and came to hug you... you flinched a bit but returned her embrace, Draco approached from the other side and touched your shoulder. 

hermione let go of you as she went to madame pomfry and began asking her for a written report for hermione to deliver to professor McGonagall. while both hermione and madame pomfry werent looking Draco came to sit on the edge of your bed, he smiled lightly... 

Draco: you are awake. i was so worried about you. 

 YN: strange thing is i dont recall the tent coming down. i remember being in there working on my strategy for the christmas exhibition match, when the earth shook and thats when everything went dark. i wasnt even done when everything happened. i am so sorry i worried you. 

Draco: you are such a brave girl, im very lucky to have you on my arm and by my side. i love you YN. 

YN: i love you too. now go do me a favor and take a shower and change your robes. no offense my love but you need to take a shower. 

Draco: i will take your advice... ill see you in a while. and ill have your homework... 

Draco took his leave to go take a shower and change his robes before class. he went to class but his mind was not completely there. the professors had already gathered a stack of notes for you, so while draco attended the classes he couldnt focus. that was not a good thing, especially for his grades. 

but the professors understood, for they all knew he clearly had other things going on, for at this time you and draco were out to the school. no one questioned why draco wasnt fully paying attention, they just hoped you would be okay. 

a few hours passed, hermione brought you your casual dress to get you back to the dorm. as your fellow students watched you and hermione walk back to the dorms. you smiled slightly at draco who just watched you in passing like any normal rivalry. 

the next few hours were spent with different people coming in to do different shifts of watching you, helping you, taking care of you. finally it was the tutoring time. you were told to be on bed rest, but when hermione didnt return to the dorm you figured she had arranged something. 

Draco knocked at the door before he entered. once he came into view he was entranced by how stunning you looked sitting there, with your pet cat in your lap. (*yes okay yes i realize that this is the first time i mention the reader’s pet... sue me i forgot about that part till just now.*) 

YN: hey.

Draco: i brought you the notes and stuff from classes. YN i feel so awful about what you went through i....

thats when you placed your finger to his lips this shut him up immediately.

YN: its not your fault, there was nothing you could have done. i went to the tent it was my choice. please i dont want you to blame yourself for what happened. lets just focus on the formal. now i want to thank you for the box... and before you say that it isnt from you or that you have no idea what im talking about. the magic signature on the card on the box belonged to you love.  i havent looked inside, but i know that when i show up at the formal im gonna look absolutely smashing. 

Draco: i have to use the money my father sends me somehow, so i went to the shop, and i picked everything out with the measurements that i got from hermione of course. plus it matches us a bit... anyway, here are the notes i had a few questions i knew you could help me solve. snape wants me and you to be among the first to brew the wolfsbane. he says it will be a easy task or at least for you it will be. he also said that you need to submit your formula on wolfsbane by fire message before the end of the day. 

You quickly did that as Draco said it, he looked at you with curious concern in his eyes. he stayed with you for a few hours explaining what happened in the classes you missed. handing you the assignments, letting you explain what he didnt understand. 

*TIME SKIP: the rest of that evening went by pretty quick, you spent time tutoring Draco, who left when your cousin walked back into the room. you were now spending time chattering with her over the hair styles for the formal the next day. well you and hermione got an early sleep for the next day would sure be a busy one. now we go to the showers where you have just arrived to stretch out and begin your day.*

you were in your stall, mulling things over under the hot water. your brain swimming with thousands of thoughts, ones that made you begin humming, something you do quite often and in different situations you hum different songs. in this case it was something celtic something haunting some sort of ancient melody that haunts your very soul.

your hum echoed through the castle. no one could figure out where the sound was coming from except your cousin. for she had heard you hum that tune many numerous times before. 

Hermione: so you thinking again?

you snapped out of your hum, for you had not realized that another person could have walked into the room, never mind your own cousin. 

YN: just got some butterflies about tonight... H what if this doesnt go the way we think it will... 

Hermione: well cuz if you think about it this way, people will expect the rivalry to still take place during the event no one will expect the rivalry to be non existant during the event. to see 2 people who arent normally friends acting like friends even if for one night will do us all proud. now hurry up so we can go open the box to see what your man gave you... 

YN: ah yes thank you for reminding me cuz, thank you for giving draco the information he needed to get these things for me.. i appreciate it a ton. 

Hermione: no to worry cuz you are gonna look beautiful. now hurry up or you will look like a prune... 

 you finished cleaning up, you dryed off and wrapped up in your housecoat to go back to your dorm. twas the only way you were comfortable. your cousin right beside you both of you discussing your hair and what the hell you would do with it. 

Hermione  and you now sat in your dorm and just stared at the box between you both, the blue box that had tormented you for 2 days now sat between you ready for the unveiling of what lay inside. 

you removed the note and slowly undid the ribbon binding the box shut. you reached down to ope the lid, the first thing you saw was the dress, picking it up you stood spinning around holding the dress against your form.

YN: remind me to thank him for this...

hermione: oh im sure just wearing this tonight will thank him enough for this. now come on lets see what else is in here… 

you lay the dress over your cousins lap as you reach into the box and pull out a fashion wrap…

YN: isnt this basically just a cape?

Hermione: yes it is but we dont speak of that… lol it is nice and it looks like it goes in matching with the dress. 

you lay that as well over your cousins lap and pull out a small bag.

YN: wnder what this is…

Hermone: well it must be valuable in order to require its own packaging inside of packaging, 

you ope the baggie to reveal a custom bracelet. 

Hermione: ive seen those before, you can get it engraved with whatevr you want particularly used for couples. 

you flip it over and look at the enraving, “Yn & Draco always and forever 08-22”

you smiled ear to ear, little giggles left your lips, happily of course as you attached the bracelet to your wrist. once it was attached you reached into the box to pull out the next item again another baggie a bit bigger than the last. you opened it to reveal a gold headband. 

YN: so he is gona treat me like a queen

Hermione: at least i dont have to worry about you. 

YN: but you still will anyway cause thats just how you are cuz!

hermione: come on girl whats the last thing in the box.

You reach into the box and pull out a pair of leather strap short heals and smile. 

Hermione: lets become fabulous. cause we all know thats a crime in itself but we have 5 hours before we have to be there for presentations and plus the rivals have the first dance as is in the announcement this year. 

you had forgotten that the ministry had made that announcement… since fudge was supposed to make an appearance at the dance. He wanted to see the rivals of the school have the honor of first dance. It was a new tradition and would remain so for generations to come. 

First was to get dressed. You went behind the change cover, you put on your strapless and a nice pair of seamless bottoms. You were now ready for the dress, but you realized that there was a bra built into the dress already. Well at least into one part of it. ****A/N: yes i know that this wasnt mentioned but the dress that im describing is a two piece, it was one i had done my research on and liked the way it looked in the color scheme i was using for this story. Okay back to the story.****

You removed your strapless as now you knew you didnt need it. You pulled on the skirt fiestas to make sure that you were good in that department. You kinda did a half twirl and then put on the top, well you couldnt do it up as the zipper was at the back. 

YN: hey cuz, can you zip me up?

Hermione: a zipper… how does it look 

YN: its a 2 piece… its in my house color, its soft fabric it feels soft against my skin. 

Hermione: well come out and hold yourself in place. 

You stepped out from behind the shield and watched your cousin turn around in her dress. You both squealed in happiness for it made you both happy to know that you both looked amazing! Hermione did your top up and both of you stood side by side in the mirror.  

Hermione: cuz we need to photo shoot this in the mirror, we are still sure of this plan, we are so certain that this is the night the school will accept the possibility of a union between you and draco. I mean when are you guys planning to tell everyone about your relationship anyway. 

YN: no idea, it hasnt been discussed to much, we know we need to tell everyone we just dont know when or how. But when we do it will be a big event. Alright on a different note ive set the mirror to do the photo shoot of us its taking 5 very precisely timed shots. So lets wing it. Nice one first so we can duplicate it and send it to our folks then we go from there. 

Pose 1: normal, side by side and looking your best. 

Pose 2: charlies angels, missing an angel but smiling anyway

Pose 3: the shocked first look in outfit (hermione shocked at seeing you)

Pose 4: parting the sea, back to back looking away

Pose 5: and finally the hug it out moment

You went round to the window to stare down at the world, the school looked all decorated for the formal and the sound of people gathering around the grounds, the concorse full of people and visitors. You strapped on your shoes and your cousin finished your hair and applied your wrap. 

you wondered how the night would look, you wondered if anyone would question the less amounts of tension between you and Draco.

You wondered alot of things but a knock at the door brought you back to earth. You turned to see Harry and Ron standing at the door. 

Harry: wow, ladies you both look amazing! 

You and Hermione smile as Harry hands you something from minerva

Yn: it's professor McGonagall she wants to see me, says it's of great importance. 

Hermione: that's okay I'll walk down with the boys. Go go… 

You walk out of the room and go as fast as possible without tripping and falling to where you knew the professor would be. 

Minerva: ah YN you look lovely..  

Yn: thank you professor, I got your note you wanted to see me. 

Minerva: yes as you may have heard by now this year the Minister of magic is attending the formal as a honored guest, he has requested that you and Mr malfoy be honored guests as your rivalry is legendary as well as you and Mr malfoy will be receiving something special from the minister. He wants to commend you both on jobs well done this year. Your main task for the dance is to start the dancing off, now i know that you are a little sensitive YN so if you need a minute to process this before we make the announcement and before your fellow classmates begin to gather. 

YN: ya could i actually have a minute… where do i enter from?

Minerva: you will enter from the right side of the staircase, mr malfoy will enter from the left, just be there and ready for the announcement. 

You went round to the right side of the staircase and began pacing, letting your brain sort itself out to be able to go out there and not kiss Draco in front of everyone. 

To not run straight into his arms, to be able to just be a boy and a girl with no connection other than their rivalry for one night. 

That Un be known to you would be the case on this night you would be just a girl, and Draco would just be a boy who would be spending time together during the formal. 

Draco (to self): OK tonight can not go wrong, it's just one night to be just a boy and just a girl. I know she is probably nervous but she will be her normal brilliant self, i will be charming and pleasant and this evening will take the rivalship between me and YN to an 11. I hope she isnt overthinking things. 

You on the other side of things were overthinking everything that could go right and everything that could go wrong. You were also talking to yourself and pacing and borderline freak out. 

YN(to self): i cant do this, i can do this… what am i saying tonight is gonna go horrible… something is gonna mess this night up and screw up the entire eco system that is a almost 2 year secret… i wonder what it would be like if draco and i were out to the school and the public eye as a couple… what am i saying that would be a disaster. The ministry, the school, my parents, his parents, our friends, everyone would reject us… we would end up living as muggles for the rest of our lives, we would be exiled from the wizard records, we would have our legacy dragged through the dirt or worse. 

That's when you heard Dracos voice in the wind. 

Draco: don't stress babe, I'll be right by your side the entire time, trust me babe… Then we will happily go outside for some air later. Now let's get ready… and don't worry about a thing love. 

Thats when you had calmed down a bit more, and listened to mcgonigal speak.

Minerva: settle down everyone, before we all enter the great hall, it gives me great pleasure to introduce 2 people who im sure need no introduction, their rivalry is legendary amongst the entire student body. The minister himself asked that these 2 be given a very special entrance, ladies and gentlemen to kick off tonights winter formal i proudly present YN and Draco.

That was yours and Dracos cues to walk out from cover and down the stairs. All eyes were on the 2 of you as you both united in the center between the 2 staircases. 

Draco: in all my years at hogwarts never have I ever been so lucky in all I do, for my rival and I we know that we will make hogwarts proud in all we do and one day who knows maybe we will end up teaching here as well one day. But our rivalry won't end with graduation or parting for one final time. You all shall hear of our rivalry far and wide as we continue the rivalry even outside of hogwarts. Sorry for the speech slur but I figured on behalf of all of us we should make a statement. 

Draco then held his arm for you to take. That you did and both of you walked the rest of the steps together, the only person who you both stopped to acknowledge was the minister. 

Fudge: in all my time as minister for magic, i have never seen 2 people who just go from rivals one minute to just pleasant normal students, almost like the bond of your rivalry has brought you both closer together. Tell me YN did you ever see yourself and mr malfoy here being friends maybe. 

YN: i honestly can say no i have not seen that possibility but there is an ever changing future and i look forward to seeing what it may hold, if per chance one day this rivalry of ours becomes obsolete we will im sure become the best of friends, as long as that would be viewed as a good thing in the eyes of the ministry of course. 

Fudge: friendship is never an issue… now let the formal commence, music… 

You and draco walk onto the dancefloor, you both had not danced outside of the astronomy tower before you both were unsure of how to act. 

Draco placed one hand on your waist and one hand on your hand. The music started and you both began to move with the music, but no one would be able to hear your conversation….

Draco: you look wonderful tonight…

YN: thank you, i mean it wasnt hard to figure out who sent these wonderful items, but that was also a given considering we talk one minute about the formal and the fact i didnt have anything to wear and the next minute there is a mysterious box with a note saying that the dress and stuff was in the box made me smile. I figured it out when i saw the box, before i read the note. 

Draco: was it that obvious?

YN: yes it was but thats ok, cause i know that tonight we arent rivals, we are just 2 people who happen to be a big part of the school and its events. I honestly didnt know that this was what we had to do till i got mcgonigals note. 

Draco: well tonight will be special i promise. 

YN: ill hold you to it. 

Draco just smiled as more people joined you on the dancefloor, after a few songs you and Draco went to get something to drink. You both picked a table and sat down beside eachother, so as to have a civizled conversation. 

Draco: any plans to go home for break?

YN: nope, as far as my parents are concerned i am staying at the school and just helping minerva… its not like i have much at home anyway. I mean sure my parents are there and they love me but i dont want to go home, see my parents start getting back into my home life routine and then have to come back to hogwarts… its just too hard. Thats why i stopped going home for break, thats why i stay here and help the professors keep the school over break. 

Draco: well what would you say if i stay here as well over break… think of it as we are on one continuous date for 2 weeks. 

YN: now that i would enjoy. But i think we should tell the school… somehow… someway… but we shouldnt wait too much longer, we dont know what the consequences will be… 

Draco: i know you are right… i…

Just as he was about to speak again the minister came up to both of you pulling up a seat beside you… 

Cornielious: having a good time tonight…

YN: yes we are minister thank you… we were just discussing what the tutoring schedule will look like over the next bit before our owls and winter break. 

Draco: are you having a good time minister?

Cornielious: its like nothing has changed at hogwarts, this party is fantastic, it is a good time, it also gives me a break from my work at the ministry.. Oh YN your mom and dad said to say hi… i have them checking into a few strange occurrences for magic bursts. 

YN: well you certainly picked the right people for the job, i know my parents well enough to know that they wont quit a case if there are no leads… as my mom always the hardest case is the easiest case for the answer is staring you in the face. 

All 3 of you start laughing as the music changes again and one student exclaims…

Student A: its snowing!!!

All the students  continued to dance as the music changed to more slow songs, you and draco decided to try to slow dance again. But no one would have predicted the scene that would happen about quarter way into the dance. 

You were having a small convo with draco and he decided to kiss you on the cheek. No one else noticed, your cousin however smart and brilliant for she non vocally slowed time a bit to the point of you and draco could recover and pretend that it didnt happen.

But a few students and teachers noticed… this made you go bright red, you backed away from Draco and turned to run through the crowd, grabbing your cape and going out the doors down the stairs and into the rose garden. 

Time resumed but no one said anything, all they saw was you running out of the great hall and draco standing in the center of the dance floor. Hermione started to move toward the door but saw draco run after you… he realized he made a mistake. She went to explain to the professors what happened and the dance was resumed. 

Draco followed your footprints and got into the maze… he located you in the center of the maze, he was very careful to approach. But you were already aware that he had followed you. 

YN: no need to be cautious, i know you are there…

Draco came fully round the corner and became visible as he appeared in front of you. 

Draco: im so sorry about that in there love. It was… well i just…. I mean… 

YN: its okay i understand what happened… heat of the moment and all. But as my cousin has told me telepathically of course is that she has spoken to those who saw this happen and she told them that it was nothing special. It was just a simple slip of the moment. But she harry ron and crab and goyle all know the truth… one day we will tell the rest of the students and the professors but for now…

Thats when he threw a snowball at you… well now he had started something, this fight went on for a few moments before you realized that he was close enough to you & that you guys were still alone and that no one would know if you shared a moment under the falling snow… 

YN: tonight just being normal was amazing! Thank you so much for this… 

Draco: there is one more thing i feel like we should do… one thing that we are gonna do to remember this moment, how we looked on the floor and for anyone that wants a memory of tonight, i know i will and i know our friends will but we also need to start making memories for our children to see one day… so here is one for the history books...

You didnt have time to respond before he kissed you. the snow falling on your faces and the calm night air made this night even better to just be there together. 

~to be continued~