#its a real struggle to REALLY fucking love these concepts and episodes he's worked on and also him being responsible for shit I hate

[yzafre]

What are some of your favorite character relationships/dynamics in TMNT, and why? Is there anything that you particularly like seeing explored with them in fan works (art, writing, comics, etc)?

Ooooh, great question!

Well, so far the shows I've watched are Rise, '12, and '03.

With '03, I think it was the first time I really got why the Leo-Raph dynamic was such a big deal in the fandom, in the way people talk about it. The City at War arc, man... not to mention Raph's unique perspective/understanding whenever Leo goes off the rails at different points... They don't understand each other while also fundamentally understanding each other. It's fascinating. Best Leader-Lancer relationship of the shows I've watched so far.

This is much less serious, but also in '03 the Mikey-Donnie relationship got me from very early on. That scene when they're setting up the lair, and Mikey comes to bother Donnie all "hey, hey, hear me ouuuuuut". And you just. You can just tell that he's done this for years, and that Donnie loves and hates it in equal measure. I was immediately charmed.

Also Leo and Usagi. I don't really care whether their friends or a ship, they're just fun. They genuinely just get each other, and enjoy each other's presence, and also hold a lot of the same values which is. Wonderful for Leo! I love watching characters who just obviously enjoy each others' presence.

As a more vague concept, I love how well '03 did at giving the turtles, like. Friends. Made them feel like they developed a real support network. Leo and Usagi, as mentioned. But also, like... Raph and that old lady (who I'm sorry he didn't interact with more). Donnie and the Professor. Mikey and the Justice Force! I like when they find people who actually click with a part of themselves their brothers can't, and I like the way it makes the world feel... bigger. More real.

In Rise I really enjoy the dynamics Mikey has with both Donnie and Leo (and am sad we never got episodes exploring what was going on with him and Raph!). Repo Mantis and You Got Served come immediately to mind. It's like - the Rise brother's are extremely Creatures of Chaos, but now Donnie and Leo have to also be Older Brothers, along with that. It's very fun.

Also! Splinter and April. I actually liked them a lot in '03, too - but the sense of camaraderie in Rise is a bit different. Their shenanigans in Shadow of Evil. Their entire episode together in Always Be Brownies! Like... Splinter is in many ways depicted as closer to April than to his sons, which is. Sad. But also fascinating! And they're genuinely fun to watch.

Now, I like fan-works for all of them, but I like seeing it most for '12, because, well. I'm on-record saying the writing of the show itself didn't do much for me on the character front. It was far more interested in its plot over it's character arcs/dynamics, which is okay, just...

They set up such! Interesting stuff!! And didn't do anything with it!!! '12 was constantly dropping dialogue lines or conflicts that modern cartoons have trained me to believe would get resolved later down the line. And then they don't. But if you start sort of. Jig-saw puzzling the bits they gave us...

Leo needs them to just listen to him, he's trying his best, but also internalizes everything way too much where sometimes things really just. Aren't problems he should be taking on himself. Raph genuinely needs everyone to be a bit more compassionate and patient with him when he's trying, and also has some bad habits and coping mechanisms. Donnie needs some fucking appreciation for carrying the team on the tech front, and also has. Well. The April thing. Mikey needs his brothers to listen to him and be a bit less condescending, and also needs to be more self-aware of the impact he has other people and learn to take up some responsibility.

And they all love each other. And they all struggle to understand each other. And the show didn't actually write any of it, leaving all these random hooks lying on the floor, mostly using it for jokes, and I love fan-works for properly exploring it.

This wasn't supposed to be a '12 rant. Where was I? Right, character relationships I enjoy. Genuinely, I find something to enjoy in every pair, but these are the ones that jumped to mind most immediately. It went longer than I planned, but character arcs/relationships are kind of my happy place in stories, so it was fun to talk about.

Thanks for asking!

[demonsfate]

FINISHED THE TEK8 STORY. Under the cut, I will be saying how it affects my blogs and changes i may make to my own depiction, as well as how my blog will be canon divergent (for some obvious reasons). under the cut will contain MASSIVE SPOILERS. so, do not peek unless you don't care or you've finished the story already. if you've already completed the story, I highly recommend you look as it will be crucial to my blog and depiction as well as writing with me in the Tek8 verse. thank you.

I liked the story but I was also a little disappointed by a few things. I will disclose that later, for now I want this to focus on primary the depiction and what will change or stay for this blog and how this blog handles Tek8.

-JIN STILL DIDN'T START THE WAR. Honestly this is something that made the story so hard to really really like is that Jin's just good again and there was no real explanation as to why he is back to his old self. Before his character episode, they said he was consumed by the devil's blood ... but it still felt so unclear to me. Regardless, Jin didn't start the war nor was he responsible for it. DJ still started it in hopes to do what Kazuya did, awaken Azazel and take its power. Jin's guilt and suicidal tendencies are still there. However, his guilt, as always on this blog, comes from his weakness, his body being used, and feeling as though he should've killed himself and DJ sooner.

-DJ AND HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH JIN. Holy shit. This is definitely gonna be the hardest for me - as I am struggling to even know how to push forward with this. As yes, I didn't expect DJ to be precisely what I believed him to be, but MY GOD, the story basically went against almost everything I've written. So I'm gonna do my best to make it work with my own concept. So there will be a lotta points regarding DJ and their relationship, starting with -

-DJ AND JIN KNEW EACH OTHER SINCE THE END OF TK3. Tek8 seems to imply that it's Jin's first time actually meeting DJ. This blog strongly rejects that notion. Why? This blog's biggest focus has been on Jin and DJ's relationship and how they live with each other. It's actually the most fun about writing the two. So, to say they never actually really knew each other would just destroy a lot of fun and love I had for this dynamic. DJ's been talking to Jin ever since he woke up after Jin was killed by Heihachi. Not only do Jin and DJ know each other, they know each other better than anyone else.

-DJ IS NOT IN ANY WAY JIN, HE'S HIS OWN ENTITY. This is pretty self - explanatory, but no. Jin and DJ may share the same body, but they are not the same person. I'm never changing this.

-DJ REGARDING JIN. Okay, as sweet as Jin looking to DJ and saying "you've always been protecting me..." and DJ saying with a small smile, "I'll go anywhere with you" or some shit. But... that does go against my whole depiction. Y'know... DJ did attempt to kill Jin and came close to it before he started the war. So this is something I'm struggling with the most. I THINK I might have an idea of how I can better fit this in my depiction, though. Since whenever I write his Tek6 verse especially, I always strongly imply that DJ misses Jin. However, I'd make it unclear whether or not DJ genuinely misses Jin and thus cared about him to an extent, or if DJ is just uncomfortable by the change and new silence in his head. Because of the "you've always been protecting me" line, I suppose I'll just go completely straightforward and say yea, DJ does care about and genuinely likes Jin. However, as I've also stated many times on this blog - even if DJ likes somebody, when it comes down to it, he'll always put himself first. But DJ liking Jin is also one reason why he's so possessive of him. It's his own fucked up way of expressing that like - so a very toxic relationship.

-DJ'S JOURNEY IN 8. DJ is still mad at Jin for taking away his chances during the war. DJ still tries to gaslight Jin and isolate him as a means of getting back. Jin ends up defeating DJ regardless - like what happens in the story. However, Jin learns that DJ is something - no, someone that will always be with him no matter what. Perhaps using his Kazama powers, or Jun's influence, he/she "purifies" DJ and brings out the best in him. DJ admits his true feelings to Jin, and how they both do need each other if they want to take down their common enemy. Jin, of course, can't so easily forgive DJ for y'know... the selfishness and war crimes. But he also learned from his mother to show mercy and give second chances, as he felt he's been given a second chance. And plus, with a more purified mind, Jin feels DJ in a different headspace than he once was. DJ willingly gives his powers to Jin to fight Kazuya. In a way, DJ and Jin's relationship has improved and they've reconciled.

-DJ'S FATE? Since Jin seemingly lost the ability to activate the devil (or angel's lol) powers. I, uh... I don't know what this means for DJ at all. I really don't know if this means DJ is "dead" or just "dormant." At the point of writing this, I don't know if I'll say that DJ is dead - therefore he can't be interacted with during post Tek8 verse. Or... if I'll say he's still around, but Jin only hears him in his head, and there's no way that DJ can actually take over. Therefore, still kinda hard to interact with DJ in this verse :')

-JIN'S FATE. I'm still unsure what I wanna say Jin's fate is. It seems like he's going off with Xiaoyu, but... I don't think he's necessarily becoming a hermit like many think? For now, I'd like to think he's making up for loss time with Xiao and they're exploring the world together. Jin is absolved of his crimes due to Victor getting to actually know Jin, seeing how Jin has helped saved the world, as well as choosing to believe that Jin was indeed not the one to blame for the war. Jin's also learned to forgive himself for his mistakes, and learned that with friends - he is stronger. Jin is at his happiest, and is no longer suicidal. He wants to live!!!

-JIN ACCEPTING HIMSELF. Yes, Jin is willing to use Mishima-Style again, but NOT because of Heihachi or that Heihachi was actually a good guy (I swear this game felt like it was doubling down on Heihachi actually being noble - barf). Jin accepts Mishima-Style because he realized not all Mishimas are as bad as he originally thought. (See Lars, Jinpachi and himself, - even if Lars doesn't practice Mishima-Style)

[fiercynn]

so @manogirl, @inventedfangirling, and @sharingfandoms all tagged me in the thai ql favorites tag game (thanks friends!), and i wasn't sure if i had enough to say about shows other than bad buddy to do it, but i figure you can't ever talk about bbs too much amirite

favorite thai ql: yeah so it's bad buddy, surprise surprise. i watched it all in the course of like 36 hours in february 2022, not long after it had ended, and it has been thoroughly stuck in my soul ever since. i've watched it so many times and in so many pieces that i couldn't even guess at a number. i've posted...uh...200k words of bad buddy fic in the past year and half? the obsession is real. it's just such a perfect mix of antagonistic and silly and tense and sweet and heartbreaking and healing that i keep going back to it over over. i love its narrative arc, and i love its little details, and i love all the ways we get to keep reinterpreting it over and over in fanworks. and i love the people i've met in the fandom, which is really hard to separate from the show! i've made really close and awesome friends here, which seems extremely fitting tbh. so yeah anyway i like that show a lot

favorite pairing: seems obvious given my previous answer, but patpran, followed closely by inkpa! idk i just think they're both neat and extremely in love

most underrated actor: JENNIE PANHAN I NEED HER IN EVERYTHING OKAY

favorite character: parakul siridechawat. he's just so in love you guys, even when (he thinks) it's hopeless. i love a character who pines. my sexuality is pining actually and pran's might be too (jk i love pran for many many many reasons but this is the one i felt like talking about today)

favorite side character: i think it has to be a tie between mae from 3wbf and longtae from a tale of thousand stars...two very different characters! i love mae in all her complexity, her efforts to be good and kind and empathetic that are interrupted by the death of the one person who was good and kind and empathetic towards her, and her search for revenge once he's gone, and then her ultimate realization that she needs to stop the cycle of violence even if it takes one more act of violence herself. meanwhile i love longtae because he is sweet and funny and adorable and such a good friend to literally everyone in pha phun dao and also it's khao, how could i not?

favorite scene in a ql: so if i type the letter "y" in my browser, the first search result is the youtube link to bad buddy episode 5 part 4/4. does that answer your question

favorite line in a ql: i thought i was going to struggle with this one but it came to me instantly: uncle tong from bad buddy saying, "you might think one man can't change the world. but i want you to know that this world can't change someone like me either." have i mentioned i am both queer and work in climate activism for a living

most anticipated ql (& why): 23.5 degrees the series!!!! i was already one million percent there for milklove but the recent confirmation of viewjune is just like the icingest of icing on the cake. i'm so fucking stoked you guys

i'm sorry i'm not going to answer the question on guilty pleasure series because like @manogirl i do not believe in the concept, nor the ones on healthiest vs. toxic relationships because i simply do not feel like it <3

most underrated series: hmm, most of the thai ql series i've seen are too well-known/watched to count for this. like would we call gap the series underrated? probably not, right? maybe...triage? but i personally felt like triage got pretty uneven in the second half...idk this is the problem with having mostly stuck to gmmtv huh

i really have not kept good track of who has done this meme already so ummmm @citystoryscapes @mahuhumaling @melto @mousieta @incandescentflower @galauvant @dancing-out-in-space

[veliseraptor]

xuexiao for the ask game 👀

In case anyone was unclear on this somehow definitely this is a "ship it" one

What made you ship it?

This one I don't remember if it was right off the bat as soon as they were having a fight the first time I watched The Untamed (entirely possible, sometimes that's all it takes for me) or if it had to wait until we actually hit the Yi City Arc and it promptly stepped all over everything I like in a pairing, pretty much. Enemies to lovers but still really fucked up? Deceit and betrayal? Accidentally getting too attached to the object of your hatred? The nuclear detonation of a thing only belatedly identified as very important? Everything being extremely fucking tragic? Sign me up, kids!

Seriously though I can vaguely remember watching episodes 37-39 the first time and just going "what the fuck how is this happening how is this a thing I'm watching what the fuck are you serious this is the shit I usually have to make for myself" and it was all downhill from there.

What are your favorite things about the ship?

I mean, see above, but to pull out one specific thing I will always really love the coexistence of the absolute awfulness of this ship at its foundation with the genuine sweetness that is also there. I don't vibe with portrayals of Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen's relationship that write out all the messed up parts of it, or ignore that the ground it grew out of is pretty fucking poisonous. But I also don't vibe with the idea that the love wasn't real. The love being real makes everything hurt worse, after all, and that's what makes it so good! They're good for each other but also they're so doomed from the beginning. Xue Yang loves Xiao Xingchen but that doesn't magically fix all of his everything. Xiao Xingchen loves Xue Yang but that doesn't mean he can just let go of the awful things he's done. It's beautiful and terrible at the same time.

Like, even if I am obsessed with fix its the reason the fix it can be rewarding ever is because of the struggle it takes to get there.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

I don't know if it qualifies as "unpopular" but I have become progressively less tolerant of the "Xiao Xingchen as a mean dom" trend in fandom. It just doesn't work for me in my conception of him as a person, or how I think he would behave in sex.

I also sometimes think that people write Xiao Xingchen as too forgiving (of Xue Yang) and sometimes I wish there was more room for him to be angry. Or at least to want to be angry, even if he's bad at letting himself do anything about it. In general I think sometimes people are reluctant to let Xiao Xingchen be emotionally ugly and vulnerable (really upset or angry or petty), maybe because Xue Yang's dysfunction is so much louder. They can both be dysfunctional! It's why they're so good for each other. :D

[robozombii]

felt emotionally charged enough to make this. just for you. and this GOD [table slam] DAMN [table slam] AU [head slam]

ok that aside i fucking love what youve done with this and what im getting at is that reverb has been turned into a human, messing the perception of his memories and deeply humbling him? fuck YES

i think the stark separation between human and demon-kind is so interesting to play with and the msa obsession isnt helping- your example of hygiene being foreign to reverb reminded me of other things i had thought of. like say, he would be much more susceptible to physical damage and thus he carelessly gets injured before realizing "oh oops i cant shapeshift this away" as well as (a personal hc) that demons have a natural distaste for human food. which means hes either struggling real bad or just eating really plain stuff. holy shit this sounds just like arthur in a depression episode or something GOD THE IRONY

yknow those memes about people being turned into kittens and having their past memories wiped away before their eyes. its a horrific idea and then captioned on top of a kitten mewling cutely HELP just think about that briefly

it wouldnt be a stretch to say demon and human brains work differently which i think you already stated somewhat! something about reverb suddenly getting nightmares of the people hes tortured due to a human need to sleep when, usually, his demon mind wouldve been able to handle the kind of trauma from witnessing that. my (personal) interpretation of reverb is very science oriented and so, i believe hed have some idea of the gap between both species' physiology, but having to experience the terror of his mind slowly but ultimately "rotting away" into the mortal vessel it was forced in, rather than just researching the concept, is holy FUCK. mad scientist faces own terrors type shit.

like it haunts him that hes unable to spread his bat wings, stretch his morphing abilities, lurk in shadows and ceilings and other impossible places. he cant look at someone and know exactly how to torture their core. his demonic senses are fleeting

Should be sleeping but no. Restart au thoughts. Send help

Reverb prides himself on being better than everyone. Stronger, smarter, older, more powerful. But with all that taken away he’s nothing, and that’s possibly his biggest insecurity. Being weak. Irrelevant in some way. Just like his victims, a passing face and a means to an end. Bc when he strips away his violence and hatred and sharp teeth who bite anyone who comes close, what does he find? A fully fledged person? No. There’s bits and pieces, but he’s largely nothing without that.

And it’s worse because even if someone like Arthur who he despises is weak, he’s become comfortable with himself. He knows who he is and what fulfills him. He’s nothing like Reverb, whose life has been upended by his shitty emotions, by attachments and contradicting statements— he may be anxious and weak but he has something Reverb doesn’t, stability.

And it’s even worse because Arthur can see right through him and if anyone knows anything about human limitations, it’s him. Of course he doesn’t feel empathetic though.

Also I’m imagining this HAHA:

“You’re disgusting.”

“I know.”

“No, I meant you smell disgusting. Take a goddamn shower, Rev.”

That would humiliate him forever though tbh... rubbing salt in the wound of Reverb’s human limitations and then sending him off to go take care of them bc otherwise they’ll get worse

Like I feel like Reverb after becoming human is so easy to humiliate bc he’s never really had to practice hygiene so he’s unkempt and gross. Like I feel like he doesn’t stay in bodies that long bc he just possesses people for fear and manipulation but now he’s not possessing anything. He’s trapped.

Human Reverb would still be upset and push people away though. He’s not gonna become soft like humans just because his body happens to be like them now! He’s still got his mind (that doesn’t remember all of his years as a demon, that erased whatever couldn’t fit into his human brain and continues to do so everyday..) and that’s all he needs! If he keeps his mind the same, when he finds a way to become a demon again, it’ll be like nothing ever changed and he can never think about this again!

But of course that’s not how it goes bc his brain also handles trauma and such the same as a human and so seeing the images of corpses he killed while he tries to sleep are not very helpful because when he does, he can’t stay asleep!

Which is a little bit of a problem when he needs that shit to stay alive…

“"Having nightmares again"? About what? What could possibly haunt you so badly after all you’ve done?”

It would be funny if he has nightmares about his body changing into something unfamiliar (sound familiar?)

Oh how I love making the green man sad

[forgiveness-in-the-misery]

Home Movies by the end of the series especially with its finale episode feels like it’s about growing up. Throughout the majority of the show Brendon is obsessed with film making and wanting to act and write and direct, but by the final season and especially near its end him and his friends just feel incredibly jaded and stressed. Making movies was something that used to be fun and done to express themselves, but now it is something that is seen almost as a chore for them. He’s outgrowing something he thought was going to be his life long passion, just like most children the realization that maybe you don’t want to be an astronaut or an architect or the president is soul crushing and there is this inkling of panic. Wondering “what the fuck do I do now?”

The series ending with Brendon accidentally dropping his camera out the car window and watching as it is smashed and crushed feels like the final nail in the coffin. There is no real ending to the show, but it’s rhe ending to the chapter in this kid’s life, that he’ll find something else, something new and as the show wore on he became more interested in music which rings true of real life Brendon Small who soon after went on to make Metalocalypse and Dethklok.

Which brings me to my next point that in a strange but not too much of a reach point, Metalocalypse feels like a sequel to Home Movies. Not directly related by any means but some of the same lines and jokes and gags are used, characters share some of the same personality traits and habits.

What actually makes Metalocaypse feel like a sequel is because it’s the next stage of life. Which really comes together by season four and especially with Nathan’s funeral speech/apology scene. Through your teens you struggle to find your new self and by your twenties you think you’ve got it figured out, you have a tight group of friends that you seriously can’t imagine not having and you’re doing what you love because it’s fun and you’re passionate about it. Then by 30 you realize you’re not as close to your friends as you once were, you’re all changing for better or worse, growing distant and the thing you all loved is now just work that you loathe.

Nathan brings up when they were young, when making music was fun, when they were all close and now everything is total shit. The whole concept of a funeral and that speech feels like the death of another stage of life and the fear of letting go and going on to whatever happens next, especially for Nathan who knows he might have to enter it without his friends who he has known for a good portion of his life.

I just like the idea of these shows filling in these stages of life that both start with friend groups that are happy and content but have grown older by the end of the story and now have to decide what happens next.

[dukeofriven]

Finally saw The Batman tonight, and no one is more surprised than me to find that I... did not hate it. Did it need to be three hours long? God no. Did it need to spend quite so much time in That One Club From Every Episode of CSI Ever? Not really. Did it need to make better use of the considerable talents of one Andy Serkis? Very much so. Was there a lot of simmering sexual tension between Robert Pattinson and Zoë Kravitz? Ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha HA HA HAa ha ha... ha ha ha... oooph let me just... heh... let me just catch my.... mmph, breath here... heh... heh heh... no. No no no. Fuuuuck no. That is some of the least chemistry I have seen in a movie in a long, long time. It’s not an ‘oh honey, he’s gay’ kind of thing, or a ‘oh honey, he ain’t allo’ kind of thing, no—Robert Pattinson’s Batman has been so fixated on vengeance for twenty years that I’m not entirely sure he understands the concept of human connection, and when Kravitz breaks away from their kiss Pattinson is baffled at what just occurred, on a very fundamental level. Guy’s got the emotional maturity of an eight year old, which I think is illustrated perfectly in the film’s outright hilarious final scene where he just kind of excitedly gets into a motorcycle race with Catwoman and the film’s score tries desperately to make you think it’s moving and emotive instead of goofy eight-year-old enthusiasm for making motorcycle go VROOM. It’s ridiculous, and it’s pretty great. At times the film seems to have gone to the Pacific Rim school of direction, wherein if you just cover your big action sequence with enough rain the audience will convince themselves of their own accord that the very boring and poorly shot sequence going on behind the rain is super exciting, actually— seriously, the internet is full of articles about how that was ‘the best car chase sequence in a Batman movie ever,’ and yet it was the only time in the film I was bored. You can’t see the damn thing, its internal geography is utterly confused, its over-edited to try and make up for the poor cohesion, and it’s one big fucking mess. But it’s got rain in it, so, y’know, that makes it good or something. Viewers. Pshaw.

Is it the Batman movie I wanted? No, but I am resigned to that likely never being made in my lifetime. My Batman movie is about a guy called Bruce: sometimes he’s a crime-fighting vigilante called Batman, and sometimes he’s this millionaire playboy doofus Mr. Wayne, but the real guy is Bruce, and Bruce is a dad with a big, loving dysfunctional family of adopted adult-and-teen children: Dick Grayson, Cassie Cain, Damien Maybe-a-Wayne, others I have definitely forgotten. And yeah there’s crime in Gotham and some big bad but the core of the movie is the complex relationship everyone has with Bruce: they love him, they want to please him, he’s a hard act to follow, and he himself struggles with when to stop being Batman or Mr. Wayne and just be Bruce-the-dad, who gives his daughter a hug in the rain when she really needs it.

But since NOBODY APPARENTLY WANTS TO MAKE THAT MOVIE, we get... this movie instead. And, y’know, it isn’t half-bad. Robert Pattinson’s choice to play Batman as this kind of morose, obsessive weirdo works. He’s not cool enough to be a particularly good male power fantasy: he’s hopeless with women, he’s an awkward fighter, he gets lucky more often than not. He’s kind of a sad sack, but because he has this restless energy that suggest he knows this isn’t really working  for him it stops him from being contemptible: at film’s end he realizes what his next step forward has to be, and it’s a more hopeful, less nihilistic step then we’ve seen for some time.  This a violent movie without being gory, which is nice to see (I am hoping the post-GoT, post-True Blood school of All Media Has To have Hammer Horror Level of Guts and Gore is finally dying away). It has moments of genuine humour, and it has a lot of really nice master shots to the point where I’d sometimes get annoyed that the film would insert close-ups of the action. No, movie. This distancing is really effective - let’s stay out here. You set-up this shot so well there’s no reason to push-in. The acting is universally good. Everyone puts in a fine performance, and Paul Dano in particular is skin-crawlingly unpleasant as a truly loathsome Riddler, made all the worse by how eerily real he seems: I feel like we’ve all worked with this guy at some point in our lives and hated ever second of it. Like every Batman movie ever made there’s an eye-rolling level of misogyny on display here: women exist to be brutalized, and all the key twists of the film all seem to be predicated on men acting on women in one matter or another. Every thug, crime boss, corrupt politician, cop, and criminal in this film is a man, and the only two female characters in the movie never share a screen together, much less talk. I was replaying Arkham City today and struck more than ever at how consciously, gratingly misogynist it is, and its really frustrating to see a film in 2022 not managing to rise in any sense about that. Poor Zoë Kravitz gets dolled up in ‘sexy’ clothes for the male gaze multiple times in the course of the movie, and the implication in the film that she was in a queer relationship with her ‘roommate’ is one the film hints at for a split-second and then ignores for the rest of the film. In the world of The Batman, women exist largely to either get fucked, or be fucked over, and it is lousy. It is, if nothing else, a deeply flawed movie. But it is also still watchable, in some moments (especially its penultimate scene of Batman actually fucking rescuing people) emotionally affecting. I remain puzzled by the assertion that it is somehow the ‘darkest’ Batman movie yet (except maybe in terms of lighting): the Christopher Nolan movies were far more nihilistic in their hyper-violent, gore-soaked ineptitude. This film has long stretches with nobody punching or shooting anything, and by the standards of big-budget action movies its social commentary is downright searing in its indictment of corruption and greed, and sympathy for the downtrodden. It’s an extremely low bar, mind you: this is not Marxist Batman. But it’s trying to say something, which is more than Chrissy “but what if Batman punched a lot, though?” Nolan ever accomplished. No idea if a sequel will be any good: there’s a split-second moment in the film where I genuinely though they might let Batman die, and I thought “yeah, that actually works, I’m fine with this.” But who knows. Anyways, The Batman. I liked it, incredibly flawed though it may be. See it, if any of this somehow made it seem appealing somehow.

[heyheydidjaknow]

I do not have a decent title for this. I’m also not even going to bother with an image (even though I know it would generate more traffic) because I’m not going to steal someone’s shit. It’s about 3500 words, so have fun with that.

Chapter 1

Dying is not fun.

I do not know if you knew that until last night. Maybe you figured that since it was romanticized so much that it would not suck as much as it so clearly and obviously did. Maybe you dreamed of dying relatively peacefully, surrounded by your loved ones. Alas, those dreams were dashed last night when you, oh so wise Y/N, decided that you were going to try baking and forgot the most essential step; taking the thing out of the oven. You remember that night so clearly, the screams of your family begging for their lives still bouncing around in your ears like a torturous golf ball that made a habit of forcing itself into your throat, the feeling of your hair catching alight as your skin bubbled and charred, and rational thought became a foreign concept. You do not remember if you had died from a heart attack or hyperthermia or smoke inhalation, but you had a general idea that, yes, that night had been your last on Earth.

So, where the fuck are you?

You pull yourself into a sitting position, your back pressed against something hard as your eyes struggle to adjust to the darkness. The air smells like rotten food and exhaust engines as you pull yourself off the concrete, looking around the alleyway that you had found yourself in. It’s small, narrow, unremarkable in every way, with graffiti covered dumpsters near the entrance. Dazed, confused, generally out of sorts, you make your way to the entrance, patting yourself down for injuries you did not seem to have.

You rub the side of your face with your hand. ‘My head is killing me.’ You slip your hand into your jacket pocket, feeling a key and a piece of paper. ‘God damn it is cold in this alley.’ You zip up your jacket, walking out into the open as you pull the note out, beginning to read.

“Dear Y/N,” you mumble as you read, “we are pleased to inform you of your acceptance into our transference program, yadda yadda yadda, whoopdeedoo…” You skim ahead of some introductory jargon before getting near to the point of the note. “From this point forward, enjoy your permanent residence at ten West.. fifteenth street… apartment number six two two… New York, New York?” You blink. ‘I… that’s not my address.’ You pull out the key. ‘Wait, hold on.’ Your eyebrows furrowed. ‘New York? Wait, I was dead, wasn’t I?’ Your eyes become unfocused. ‘I don’t live anywhere near NYC. Where am I?’ You look around for some sort of landmark, street name, anything to give you some idea of where you are.

You hear a car squeal to a stop on the street corner in front of you, snapping you out of your stupor. As identical men start climbing out of the back of the vehicle, all marching deliberately towards you, a fifteen-year-old girl, your immediate reaction is to run like hell. Unfortunately for you, apparently your speed was not comparable to that of the men who quickly apprehend you, scooping you up and dragging you kicking and screaming into a van. You hear vaguely familiar voices outside, but your focus is less on the mayhem and more on the more pressing matter of getting yourself out of the van. You pound at the door, feel for any sort of locks on the inside, something, anything to get you out of the van, still screaming your head off as you hope whoever was outside had the common sense to call nine one one. You feel your eyelids droop as your breathing slows, your voice dying as your pounding becomes less intense. You slide to you knees, eyes closing even as you mentally scream at yourself to get up, keep at it. You passed out.

--

You wake up laid on the floor this time, the pulsing of electricity above your head almost soothing as you open your eyes. You stagger to your feet, looking around your well-lit enclosure, pink florescent lights lining the ceiling and walls like arteries. After taking note of your new bruises and checking to see if you still have your few personal belongings—you do—you ran over to the door, eyes fixated on the mind boggling, ridiculous scene taking place in front of you.

‘Oh, for fuck’s sake.’ You back away from the slot in the door, trying to process the blatant larping headassery. You had not thought that you would honestly be able to say that, apparently, you were kidnapped by the mother fucking Kraang, yet, in some stroke of tomfuckery on behalf of whatever deity controls your universe, you have, obviously, been kidnapped by some seriously hardcore cosplayers. If nothing else, you must admire the obviously advanced set up.

You run your fingers through your hair, chuckling almost manically. “So,” you say to yourself aloud, “I got kidnapped by TMNT fanboys. Great. Fantastic, even!” You pace around the room, throwing your hands up in exasperation. “I guess this makes me April O'Neil, then? Cool.” Your voice is extremely tight as you shake with intense, mostly negative emotions. “So, I’m somewhere in New York, kidnapped by the Kraang in the worst convention ever. Let me guess,” you laugh, losing your mind a little as you speak to nobody. “I’m gonna have a run in with the Teenage Fucking Ninja Turtles next, right?”

As if on que, you hear laser blasts and shinking metal. The high pitched beeping on an alarm sounded as you heard people—‘Male, teenagers… fuck my life,’— talking about power or something as their footsteps approach your room. You pound on the door. “Hey! Over here!”

You see a brown set of eyes look in through the window. Your suspicions are confirmed; ‘Definitely TMNT larping.’

“We found her,” the owner of said eyes, the one cosplaying as Donatello, calls to the others. Lasers shoot by his head as he turns to stare death in the eyes.

“We’ll hold them off. You pick the lock.” ‘Leonardo.’ You breathe a soft sigh of relief; if nothing else, you are apparently on the side of the people trying to get you out in this game. You hear footsteps going towards the firing.

“Don’t worry,” “Donatello” reassures you, voice tight with apparent anxiety, “I’ll have you out of there in a second!”

“Thanks, Donnie.” You give him a half-hearted thumbs up, trying to see what he was doing through the window. “Take your time.”

His eyebrows furrow. “Wait, how do you know my name?”

You sigh. “Look, man, I don’t know the script for the first episode by heart. You’re gonna have to cut me some slack for not being off-book.”

“Off—what?” He stares at you blankly.

You purse your lips. “I’ll explain if you let me out,” you promise. “Just pick the lock before the blue one gives you shit.”

“Oh, right! The lock!” He nods, grasping onto the logical thing you say and leaning down to start working on the alien technology. He pulls the cover off a control panel by your door, starting to fiddle with the wires.

You lean against the door, watching him work curiously. You hear the battle cries of “Michelangelo” and the toppling of robots as he works, clearly focused on his task. You zone out again. “This is some serious shit,” you mumble.

He mutters in frustration. The one dressed as Raph marches over, more impatient. “Oh for the love of—get out of my way,” he snarls, proceeding to take a very real looking sai out and stabbing the panel with a very in-character ferocity. You almost feel the urge to applaud the acting, and you might if this weren’t such a high stakes situation.

The door in front of you and behind you open at the same time and, deciding against getting captured again—you remember something about hanging from a helicopter in that scenario and you want nothing to do with that—you run alongside the turtles like your life depends on it, stumbling to a halt once you reach outside and slamming the doors closed behind you, blocking it with your back.

Your feet scramble to gain some traction on the cement. “Donnie,” you snap, almost impressed by the force used to pound against the doors, “put your staff in the handles of the door. We gotta go ASAP.”

“Wait, hold up.” The one dressed as Raph jabs his thumb towards you. “How do you know his name?”

You groan. “For fucks- it’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, not fucking Happy Sugar Life. Get the thing in the thing before the vine thing kills us!”

“The what?” Donnie and Raph seem much more confused than before, staring at you inquisitively and angrily respectively.

“Uh, guys?” Mikey pointed. “I think she means that vine thing.”

From the shadows emerges a towering creature made of plant life, its vinelike limbs draping across the ground like roots as it rears its ugly head. Its exposed, pulsating heart pressed against what remains of the creature’s ribcage. “You did this to me,” It growls. “Now you’re going to pay!”

“It’s-“

You cut Leo off. “Snake guy. Mutated into a weed. If you wanna kill it, go for the heart.”

He looked back at you, joining the other two pairs of piercing stares. “Cut that out.”

“Then don’t monologue and kill it before it has mobility!”

“On it.” Raph charges at its lumbering form, and within moments, it falls to the ground in a heap.

The pounding against the door is getting more intense. “Donnie! Staff!”

“Right!” He runs over, sliding his staff in between the door handles.

You stumble forward, the pounding already starting to crack the wood. “Alright, now we can leave.” Without waiting for the others, you sprint away from the building like your life depends on it. The others, clearly confused, follow.

You got a fair few city blocks away before you slow down, breathing heavy and palms stamped with the outline of the key you were holding desperately onto. “You run really fast for cosplayers,” you pant, “with all the- the paint and all.”

“Yeah, about that.” Donatello stops next to you, a thousand questions apparently swimming around in his head. “How do you know our names?” His mouth moves a mile a minute. “How did you know the weakness of that vine creature? What do you mean, cosplay? Who are you? Who were they?”

You cut him off. “One question at a time, hot stuff. Deep breathes.”

His pupils dilate. “H-hot stuff?”

Leo cuts in. “How did you know what we were—uh—cosplaying?” he asks tentatively.

“Odd time to cut the act, but alright.” Your heart rate lowers to a decent pace as your mind still struggles to comprehend what had just happened. You slow your breathing. “I mean,” you explain, gesturing with your hands, “it’s TMNT. It’s iconic.”

“Iconic?” He nods. “Well, since you know so much about it, then why don’t we test your knowledge? To see if you’re a real fan..”

“Y-you think I’m hot?”

“I don’t see the point, but I’m down.” You shrug, deciding to ignore the melting turtle for a second. “Shoot.”

He thinks for a moment. “Who’s the main character?”

You shrug. “You four, I guess.”

Mikey jumped in. “What’s the theme song?”

“Gonna have to be more specific there, buddy.”

“Is it really a great idea to just talk out here in the open?” Raph crossed his arms across his front.

“Probably not.” You look around. “Unless you have a map on you, I’d suggest we go back to your lair.”

“Our—what kind of stalker—”

“Look, honey,” you sigh, “if we’re going to go over every aspect of their lives that I know about we’re going to be here for a long time. For our purposes, just assume I know everything I need to know, and if you’re curious about specifics, we’ll go on a case-by-case basis.” You start walking down the sidewalk. “I’m guessing you guys hang out in the sewer, right?” You feel almost tempted to say that they’re just flat out psychotic, their blatant conviction in their own characters almost frightening. ‘I’ve heard of kinning,’ you think, pulling up a manhole cover you see at the end of an alley and wincing at the smell, ‘but this is ridiculous.’ You blink at the surprising lack of weight.

“Yeah.” Mikey—no, the Michelangelo cosplayer—walked over, already hopping in. “Our show must be super popular, right? Who’s the favorite character? How long have we been running?”

“Oh, you guys are—” You stop talking. “Wait, what year is it?” You start climbing down.

“Two thousand and twelve. Why?”

You step off the ladder, starting to walk behind him as he lead the way. “Well, it’s not tweny twelve where I’m from. It’s twenty twenty.”

“Wait, hold up.” He turns around to face you as he walks. “You’re from the future? That is so freakin awesome!”

You rub the back of your neck, trying to ignore the smell. “I mean,” you confess, “being from the future would be cooler if I was from a better time, I think.” ‘I wonder where they—’ You shake your head. “But, If we were running on the same time, I’d only be seven, I think, so it’s pretty cool I get to be here, I guess.”

“Dude, totally!” He turns a corner. “Our first day up top and we meet a time traveler?”

“Technically,” a voice from behind you makes you jump, “if what she’s saying is true, she somehow also knows interdimensional travel as well.”

‘Mother fucking ninj—cosplayers, focus. Don’t let them pull you in too.’ “Well, I really wouldn’t say—”

“Guys, is there not a clearly bigger concern on our hands?” You were already getting sick of not hearing footsteps. “Like, say, I don’t know, the fact she’s claiming we’re fictional characters?”

“Look, man,” you roll your eyes, “I already said I’m more than happy to answer any questions I can. In fact,” you continued, stopping in your tracks as you stared the red—clad turtle in the eye, “I’ll even stay put until we sort this whole situation out.”

“Fine by me.” Leo and Raph both face you, eyes boring into your soul as you stand there awkwardly.

“Let’s start off with the basics.” Leo’s tone is awfully light compared to his blatant skepticism. “What is everyone’s name?”

You force yourself not to roll your eyes again. “You’re all Hamatos.” You point at the tall one with the gap in his teeth. “That one’s Donatello, the yellow one next to him is Michelangelo, you,” you point at the red one with the broader shoulders, “are Raphael, and the sensei appointed leader is Leonardo. Easy.”

Leonardo nods. “Okay, you got the easy one.” It is at times like these when you wish you could read people. “What are we?”

“Teenage mutant ninja turtles.” You don’t have to hesitate.

“How did we become the way we are?”

“Splinter had a Kraang run in and you got ooze on you. Last thing you touched before you transformed was a person, so you became turtle/human hybrids.” You rest a hand on your hip. “Oh, happy birthday, by the way.”

A sea of blank faces face you. “Wait, you know who those things are?” Donatello is the first to speak after a pregnant pause.

“Well, yeah.” You shrug, the reality of the situation not yet dawning on you. “They almost take over the world in at least two season finales.

“They what?”

“Yeah.” You stick your hands in your pockets, fingering the key and note, confused by their apparent horror. “I mean, I’m still on the season three finale, but alien invasion is this show’s bread and butter for the most part.”

“I- what?” Raphael appears to be having a stroke. “What- bre- I- huh? What the-“

“Is he okay?” You look, completely unconcerned, at Donatello, who is swaying on his feet.

“Alien.. invasion…”

You blink, walking over to him and placing your hand on his cheek. You were surprised at the feeling of skin under your palm. ‘Not face paint..’ You look his incredibly pale face over curiously. ‘Not a mask…’ “Oh.” Your fingers slide down and off his jaw, falling slackly. “You weren’t joking, were you?”

If nothing else, he seems less concerned than he did a second ago.

Leonardo—‘The actual—hold on a minute.’—grabs your shoulder. “This isn’t a joke.” His face is stone. “You’re being serious, right?”

You felt blood drain out of your face. “Sadly? Yes.” You force yourself to take deep breaths so as to not pass out. “But, on the bright side,” you smiled weakly, “I can guarantee your survival for at least a few months.”

“What do you mean a few months?” Raphael is shaking as he yells, his voice roar echoing in the enclosed space. “How is it only—what the hell?”

“The show only ran over the course of an in-universe year.” You fight to keep your voice steady as dread seizes your throat. “I don’t know what happens after the year is up, or if it even lasts the whole year.”

“So we have less than twelve months to live?”

“This is so not cool.” Michelangelo is having a bit of a mental breakdown. “So, so not cool.”

“Hey, it’s not a guarantee!” You put your hands up reassuringly. “That’s just how long the show runs. Besides, it’s a kid’s show. There’s no way they’d kill off the main characters.”

“The hell they—who the hell is they?”

“Nickelodeon.”

“What the fuck is Nickelodeon?”

You groan. “Look, I’m just saying that you four are definitely going to survive the next few months!” Your voice rises easily to his volume. “I don’t know what happens after those months are up! I haven’t gotten to that point!”

“Why the hell not?”

You ran your fingers through your hair, laughing incredulously. “What, do you think I knew I was going to meet the IRL Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and had a chance to plan accordingly? No!” You throw your hands up in the air. “I died last night and now I’m here! Hell, I don’t even know where the fuck I’m going to go, fuck knowing who’s going to get the fucking axe between now and the series finale!”

“Will you two both cut it out?” Leo snapped, shutting you two up.

You put your hands up, still fuming and glaring at Raphael. He responds in kind.

“What’s your name?” He looked at you.

“Y/N. Y/N L/N.” Your breathing slows slightly.

“Alright. Y/N, you said you’ve seen up to season three, right?”

“Yeah.” You nod.

“Meaning you know what’s going to happen in the next few months, right?”

You nod at the leader.

He thinks for a moment. “Then we need to stay in contact. If what you’re saying is true, your knowledge of our show could be extremely valuable to us.”

You rub your eyes with your hands, sighing, trying to cool down. “I can do that.” You put your hands down. “If nothing else, I’m more than happy to offer up emotional support. The next few months are going to be extremely physically and emotionally difficult for you guys.”

Donnie pipes up. “Do you have a place to stay?”

You pull out the piece of paper. “I have an address and key, but I don’t know my way around NYC.” You smile slightly at the unintentional rhyme. “Do you guys know where ten west fifteenth street—wait, it’s your guys’ first day.” You nod. “I forgot.”

“It’s alright.” Donatello is oddly quick saying that. “I-if you want, I—we can help you find it.”

You rub your arm, your previous indignance replaced with extreme embarrassment at your previous actions. “Nah, it’s alright,” you reassure him. “I’m sure I can find a map or something.”

“It’s really not safe to just wander around New York so late.”

You pause at that. “That is an extremely good point.” You nod. “Alright. But I owe you guys dinner or something for trusting me this far. Also,” you smile teasingly, “what you’re currently eating is legitimately revolting.”

“Amen to that.” Raphael, if nothing else, seems to have calmed down.

Mikey hopped in. “Oh, we just found this crazy awesome food—”

“I can order pizza,” you reassure him.

He punches the air excitedly. “Let’s go!”

“If you want, you can sleep on the couch for tonight,” Leonardo offers. “It’s going to get light pretty soon, and we really shouldn’t be seen.”

You shrug. “Works for me.

As you follow the teenagers down the sewer, conversating as you walk, you take a moment to reflect on all that has happened so far. A part of you, oddly enough, is almost excited by the prospect of spending time with these guys. But a stronger, darker part reminds you sweetly of the dangers you knew lay ahead.

You close your eyes. ‘I’m never going to see my family again, am I?’

How that is the least of your worries, you don’t know.

Table Of Contents

Chapter 2

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom, season 3, episodes 1-2 thoughts! I had to split up my season 3 watch awkwardly because the second part of it was too picture heavy and tumblr only wants you to have 10 pictures per post, per the No Fun Allowed Rule. :/ I was planning on just doing 1-6 then 7-13, but, it'll probably be split into 3 posts now... (along with a follow up thoughts post after I finish and think on it for a lil while...)

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-vlad got a new mansion. and the guys in white IMMEDIATELY BREAKS IN AND STARTS SMASHING THE SHIT OUT OF EVERYTHING, DESTROYING HIS NEW MANSION KAJDFHSSKADJKJN. NEVER LAUGHED SO HARD IN MY LIFE. 'the greatest practical joke ever' TUCKER YOU ARE SOOO RIGHT.

-'DAnnY FenTon MadE mE ThE LaugHINg StOCk oF WisCONsIn' if you dont shut up. you made yourself a laughing stock. love the cute pink hotel room. also, Vlad's Naked on The News. VLAD BUYING THE NASTY BURGER TO TEAR IT DOWN. the way they keep escalating these..pranks? IS TEARING DOWN A BUISSNESS A PRANK?? (the metric by which I decide if its a prank is if its funny to me or not. vlads house being torn down? funny prank. local burger place being torn down? maybe not. MAYBE the naked on the news prank was pushing it because he WAS in a hotel just, minding his own business, but like, he stays bothering danny for no reason when danny is just minding his own business, too! its not right but there IS a sense of vindication here. yknow?

-...'at least now he's channeling his sociopathic lonely bachelor energy into something positive!' this is unironically an insult to actual sociopathic people. 'but he doesnt care about other people!' 'and thats why he'll make a great politician!' BRUTAL. but not untrue? I mean, this is not at ALL surprising. hes a billionaire via cheating and lying, and already a huge Slimeball. So yeah, politician is 100% right.

-but did vlad move to amity park? I might be wrong about this, or illinois laws might be different, but I kinda assumed if you're running for election for mayor in a town, that you had to live within the voting jurisdiction and be registered to vote there. I mean, he's temporarily in a hotel and technically displaced rn (...I thought for sure he'd have more vacation homes...) so I guess there's probably a grace period to find a permanent home in amity park?

-ME, CHEERING DANNY ON EVERY SINGLE TIME HE BEATS VLAD UP, BEING SO PROUD OF MY SON:

-'hes overshadowing the voters!' why...are you surprised, danny???? election fraud is Nothing. did you forget he stole BILLIONS OF DOLLARS.

-ok the school uniforms are kinda cute tho lol.

-NO TEENAGERS ALLOWED IN THE NEW RESTURAUNT?? WHAT KIND OF BUISSNESS IS THAT,, SO PETTY. tucker straight up tearing off the security camera. king of property destruction

-vlad trying to make life hell. For a 14 year old. who is trying to genuinely apologize and offer a truce (despite all the creepy and fucked up things vlad has done to him and his family). what the fuck can I even say about this. I think i've said several times while watching 'what the fuck is wrong with you', i need a stronger statement.

-Teens Against McMasters! Fries Not Lies! I want to see vlad get mauled by teens. I want them to start Throwing Rocks.

-vlad saying 'dudes' is the worst thing I've ever heard.

-danny overshadowing the clone was GENIUS AND MAKING HIMSELF LOOK INJURED. SO PROUD OF YOUUUU. USE HIS OWN TACTICS AGAINST HIM. GET HIS ASS.

-frostbite's design is really interesting. ghost...bones... incased in ice?? anyway im so glad danny is getting more hugs :)

-oh, they basically worship(?) or put danny on a pedestal because he defeated pariah?? well IM happy for him having more ghosts that are friendly to him :) also, sam and tucker's lil snow jackets...super cute.

-more ghost lore!!! THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE IS A GHOST PORTAL. OF COURSE.

-VLAD ACTUALLY DID GET A CAT AWWW KITTY I WUV U KITTY. who he plays chess with...okay, you know what, thats so valid. and actually, pets are usually actually good for mental health, you have a lil guy to care for and they can give u a reason to try ur best so u can provide for them, and they are always good for comfort...good job, vlad!! next go to therapy. 'if anyone asks, you're my sister's cat!' so does he actually HAVE a sister? can she come beat him up

-sam is Right. they shouldve immediately taken the map back to frostbite! but I get it, exploring Can Be Fun

-'carnivorous canyon' in the ghost zone is just mystery flesh pit

-vlad is going to burn a 14 year old girl at the stake. you know, I half expected clockwork to come up and stop this, because they're fucking with time, BUT. nope. this is nbd, I guess.

-well, blood blossoms are terrifying. I know 'ive never eaten a vegetable in my life!' was tucker being hyperbolic, but this kid is going to get so many digestive problems if he doesnt Start Eating Healthier.

-...vlad wanted to go to rome and be a god?? I want to know where he self-inserted himself in their already established pantheon. what did he say he was the god of??

-VLAD SET THE ENTIRETY OF ROME ON FIRE. SO THEY PROBABLY ASSUME GOD OF DESTRUCTION. GOD OF ASSHOLERY.

-how embarrassing, to swordfight a 14 year old and struggle to win. lmfao they keep running vlad off every place he tries to take over

-'if i can destroy the first airplane, man will never fly and I will rule the air!' VLAD. DO YOU THINK. DO YOU THINK THE WRIGHT BROTHERS WERE THE ONLY PEOPLE TO THINK OF AND CONCEPTULIZE FLIGHT???! oh my god he is so dumb. people have always been trying to fly even before that, and even if you destroyed (1) plane its not like no one else could make one??? as if people hadn't already been making hot air balloons since the 1700s??? or coming up with concepts, and studying on how to make them work? starting to think vlad shouldve paid attention in college and not been so fixated on maddie. or, I dunno, read a book in his huge library...(I mean, I dunno what he majored in or studied in college, but it obviously wasnt history...)

-vlad getting his ass kicked by snow dogs and getting shidded on by a pigeon :)

-'hes got more in common with us than he realizes!' DANNY IS A YETI??? CONFIRMED (no,, but I hope that means we'll see more of the far frozen! I like them :)

-what in the world was this episode tho. like..okay?? vlads plans did not make ANY sense to me, like, was I missing something , or. WHY is he so fixated on Ruling all of the sudden...sure he might be power-hungry, feeling powerless can do that and I'm sure the accident/being abandoned made him feel that way, but its always felt like his real end goal was just to steal jack's family out of jealousy and spite, not to like. um,, rule rome I guess. ?? theres No Maddie In Rome, Vlad.

[piratemadi]

please make your critical post of supernatural those are literally the only posts about supernatural i care about, especially since i side eye the heck out of the many people who give supernatural a pass because they ship two boring white dudes (dean and castiel) PLEASE

omg ok nobody make fun of me for posting an earnest criticism of this show i enjoy critical analysis and being a hater

i think most of why this show sucks has already been covered pretty thoroughly but these r the main things abt it that piss ME off.

the racism runs so SO deep. supernatural is supposed to be an exploration of americana thru horror (and i’ll give them that. like the idea of deconstructing america and all its fallacies thru horror is genius and in competent hands it would be absolutely incredible. but anyway) but it only really scrapes the surface of what is inherently horrific about americana! something like that is supposed to be an INTERROGATION of monstrosity and how america (and western society more broadly) creates monsters out of human beings and how white christian morals are established as the ONLY acceptable morals and how anyone who falls outside of those norms (non christian, non white, lgbt, people with substance use disorders, prisoners, the poor, indigenous people/cultures etc) are monsterized, so to speak, because of an oppressive and unloving colonial society. like u cannot have a horror narrative abt monsters attacking family values and white suburban life without invoking some very old and racist conventions! but instead of subverting that supernatural just reinforces it! it consistently fails to make any kind of real statement because the most demonized parts of society are the people who are also treated the WORST in canon! native american beliefs are stolen and turned into stupid bogeymen without the show ever featuring a native character or seriously grappling with the inherent violence of america as a colonial state, black men are consistently portrayed as angry and evil while black women are treated like shit (dean’s happy ending at the end of s5 is with a white woman he fucked one time instead of with the black woman who he was in love with??), impoverished people are mostly ignored and when they’re not theyre monsters (theres one episode centered around a poor rural family that commits murder and cannibalism. no supernatural stuff or monsters. just poor people. thats the scare).

theres this consistent fixation on preserving american suburbia, on saving “normal” (read: white middle class) people and it sets up this dynamic of like. the “real world” is the white middle class and then there’s hunters including our mains who defend that “real world” against monsters and demons, which is just Everything Else. and the writers PRETEND to struggle w the question of monsters and what makes one but they just toss it around without ever actually committing to answering that question with compassion or narrative coherency. they have multiple episodes about characters who were raised human, who want to be human, but have to be killed because of an inherent evil nature. there’s a plot in the early seasons about how one of the main characters has demonic powers, and instead of saying that doesnt make him inherently bad and he’s allowed to fully access all parts of himself without being fundamentally evil, they consistently frame intrinsically neutral traits as inherently evil specifically because they go against a christian ideal of morality! and eventually he learns to suppress these powers and that’s that!

and then it establishes christianity as the guiding principle of america, not in a way of like “american culture and history is deeply steeped in white supremacist protestantism that has led to incredibly fucked up views on god and love and morality and thats what we have to deal with as people who live here”, but in a way of like “the christian god is real and he’s a white guy who fucking hates you.” which like. Ok. they bastardize and trivialize any religions that arent christian while building the entire series on christianity. Ok. like i guess its possible to write stories about white christianity without implying that every other religion is full of shit but supernatural did not do that on any level

its also just. really poorly written. i genuinely loved the first season i thought it was really well paced and that the characters were introduced really well like the first season is a GOOD horror story in terms of family as horror and the inherent terror of americana. but the pacing and the character development started tripping up in s2. by s3 they started raising the stakes Exponentially which honestly is such a kiss of death for good fiction like every season mounting a bigger badder antagonist than the last one is the surest way to kill a story bc it means the earlier entries in that story become basically meaningless in the face of the new bad guy. u dont need to raise the stakes to write a good story! a well written story abt the horror and drama of a close knit and unhealthy family caught up in something they don’t really understand isn’t Less emotionally resonant than, like, having to stop the world from ending, because at the end of the day its Fiction and none of it matters beyond what u can make the audience really Feel. im not gonna feel sorrow if 7 billion fake little people die. i didnt cry when the death star blew up whatever planet it blew up. what DOES make me feel sorrow is a few truly well written characters whose relationships are complicated and tragic and whose motivations i can understand and whose inner lives i can imagine. raising the stakes destroys a good story and thats exactly what happened to supernatural (not that the racism and misogyny and american protestant moralizing wasn’t killing it already)

also, the misogyny makes the female characters basically impossible to watch. like not a single person on that show is a good actor (except sterling k brown love u king u were the best actor that show ever saw) but they didnt even give any of the women anything to work with. its literally so cringey to watch any woman onscreen except maybe like. bela talbot and she was treated like utter shit.

god. you know that expression dont fall in love with potential? i dont do that w people i do it w fiction. i came off black sails and the untamed and frankenstein and i watched the first couple seasons of supernatural with my friend and it was like...there was so much room for it to SAY something about monsters and how society creates them thru violence and how deeply horrific american protestantism is. like theres so many questions and concepts that it brought up that it never actually SAID something about. shithole of wasted potential. and yeah dean and castiel is stupid there i said it

[popwasabi]

Why I don’t give a fuck about canon

Recently, after randomly coming across some dope pictures of Transformer toys on Instagram that gave me a strong case of nostalgia, I was inspired to revisit an old childhood favorite in “Beast Wars.”

“Beast Wars,” in case you never watched or heard of it as a kid, is the continuation of the Transformer’s story set in the future as descendants of the Auotobots and Decepticons, the Maximals and Predacons, respectively, accidentally travel to prehistoric Earth to continue a centuries long battle between the two opposing factions.

There’s a lot of to digest there, so I’m not going to go into extreme detail over the plot, but the cast features colorful characters such as Optimus Primal, Cheetor, Rattrap, Dinobot and Megatron to name a few. They all have interesting and distinct personalities and generally play well off each other. It was a big part of my childhood and I collected an ungodly amount of their toys back in the day.

(This was my first ever Beast Wars toy and I think it’s beautiful.)

My rewatch though was…a mixed bag to say the least. The graphics have not aged well. The adventure of the week setup of the plot was repetitive and lacked real character development at times. There were characters that were added in last minute to the show clearly to promote a new action figure over the story on numerous occasions. Though I found the humor to still be pretty good, the action was stale and just lacked high stakes most of the time, save for a few episodes.

I was not shocked it didn’t land terribly well on my rewatch but you know what did? “Beast Machines!”

“Beast Machines” was the follow-up to Beast Wars that had the Maximals fighting on Cybertron where Megatron has taken control of the whole planet using a virus that changes Transformers into mindless drones to do his bidding. The remaining Maximals manage to survive however after Optimus discovers The Oracle which reformats them into animal robot hybrids that are both mechanical and biological. This sets them on a quest to stop Megatron and bring biological and mechanical balance to Cybertron once and for all.

The series is much more narrative based than the previous as it follows a steady trajectory to its epic conclusion. The animation is much sharper, and the soundtrack is fun as hell to listen to still. The pacing is much faster as the stakes couldn’t be higher for the Maximals and all the old characters from the previous grow in interesting ways and develop into more organic people (literally in some ways). Optimus is a more hardcore and emotionally damaged leader and Megatron goes from being something of a punchline in the previous series to a far more menacing and calculating nemesis. The story touches on themes of balance, authoritarianism, PTSD, love and reunion to name a few and for a kids’ show it is, dare I say…more than meets the eye.

I absolutely loved it as a kid and I might actually love it even more as an adult, so it was shocking for me, to say the least, when I read further into the history of the show, that a lot of fans straight up rejected it back in the day.

Common complaints I came across were they didn’t like how characters, such as Ratrap especially, “changed.” They didn’t like the new bio/mechanical Maximals and couldn’t believe that Cybertron was once an organic world.

Their big reason (in just about every forum and video I saw about it)? It didn’t adhere to “canon.”

Now, I’ll start this by saying there is no objective way to critique or even not critique a story. People can like or hate something for a variety of reasons that don’t follow a strict logical pattern. Gods know I have a few questionable/divisive favorites in my catalogue that I have written about here that are based on abstract ideas and personal experiences.

(The Matrix Reloaded is still great btw)

But I will say, if you judge a mega franchise’s latest entry on how well it is supported by established canon it is, in my opinion, a flawed way to critique a work of fiction.

Canon, sometimes referred to as “lore” by fans, is most often applied and used to describe the long running back stories of franchises that stretch beyond just the main books, movies or series, or even the original narrative of the plot. Star Wars, Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, and to a certain extent Harry Potter, all fall into this camp of series with so many interconnected parts, with more than one main character featured in each, that fans follow along this canon like ancient monks studying scripture and history books.

And they can be just as fanatical and over zealous about it.

(I wish they were more fanatical about proper hygiene or at least deodorant...)

My problem with the ways fans often view canon is that their conceptions of what a new story should be is based entirely on the past rather than what is happening right now with the story and what themes the writer is trying express with it this time. 

They base their impressions of the story on external continuity more than the internal continuity.

Yea, the changes in a series like “Beast Machines” are jarring to say the least. Cybertron was formally an organic world like Earth? Rattrap doesn’t have confidence in himself and actually at one point sells out his comrades? Transformers can be biological now? It’s a lot to take in but when watching the story play out it’s not like these elements aren’t explained through the text of the new story.

Cybertron lost balance between its robot inhabitants and its biological life forms and its why it’s out of balance now, and Megatron is the logical progression of that inbalance. Rattrap is struggling to understand his new form, half his friends on the Maximals have been turned into drones, and the remaining team out loud say they don’t have confidence in him. He has PTSD from both the events of this story and the Beast Wars and feels insecure because of how others view him and that’s perfectly logical to not just the story but also the canon. If a fan is willing to give a story a chance they will see that the canon hasn’t actually been destroyed in much of any way and the logical progression is actually there if they simply listen to what’s going on.

(Seriously, it’s not that deep.)

Fans need to stop confusing a character achieving a franchise long arc with being “suddenly different.” In this way, criticisms of canon in new entries in long running series reveal that fans really just lack imagination to connect the dots. It would be like complaining that Luke Skywalker can’t become paranoid and make a grave mistake in judgment because people never change, nevermind the character already has changed a lot from his origins in “A New Hope” to where he was in “Return of the Jedi.”

(Oh wait, people did do that…)

But that’s not to say you have to like the new direction either. You can understand these changes and still be like “well, it’s not for me. I don’t care for a PSTD angle or a new origin for Cybertron,” but that’s whole lot different than saying the new series “rapes your childhood” or “Bastardizes the canon.” All the old canon you hold nostalgia for still exists. My love for “Beast Machines” is not harmed by the existence of newer Transformers properties that don’t meet what I look for in the series.

Too often, fans take changes to established “lore” very personally because it doesn’t fit their expectations or have the same nostalgic feelings they had before. When new entries in mega franchises occur fans often try to judge it by how much it is like what they watched before, rather what makes it different and what it is saying now. Again, you don’t have to like new directions in tone or character but consistency to established work DOES NOT equal good storytelling.

I have not been immune to this myself in the past, of course. Back in the day I wrote a 2500-plus word diatribe on “The Amazing Spider-man 2” that mostly went after how it changed the character I grew up with in a bad way and butchered the established back story I knew him by.

You know what other story doesn’t follow canon very well though? “Spider-man: Homecoming.”

(Now, hear me out...)

Spider-man in the MCU is generally agreed upon to be a good thing by fans. Both movies were big hits both critically and financially and fans often go as far as to say Tom Holland is the “definitive” Peter Parker. 

But Holland’s Spider-man differs quite a bit from the comic-book webslinger. This Spider-man does not have a spidey sense. His best friend is not Harry Osbourne but in fact a retcon of a Mile Morales character. His father figure is Tony Stark, something that never happened in the comics, instead of Uncle Ben, which no matter what way you spin it is arguably his most important relationship in the series.

His character is a reverse of traditional Peter Parker too. Where comics Peter is a reluctant hero, who if anything hates being Spider-man and the burden of his responsibility, “Homecoming” Spider-man actively seeks out responsibility and in many ways enjoys his role as the famous webslinger. In fact, his whole arc is about him earning a spot as an Avenger. He wants to be THE hero and be worthy of it. It’s completely different from what we know of Spider-man.

(He just wants Tony sempai to notice him uWu)

Now I know some fans actually do complain about this Spidey from a “canon” standpoint, but most don’t. So why did this Spider-man get a pass for many but not “The Amazing” one? Quite simply it’s because stories, as cheesy as it sounds, are about feelings and stories like “Homecoming” tell a good story that effectively make those feelings connect with the audience.

We root for this Peter Parker and his journey to becoming an Avenger and successor to Iron Man because the story is told well, the emotions feel earned, and frankly both films are fun and enjoyable.

It’s easy to complain about canon for many nerds because it’s something tangible that they can point to and make a big stink about when they don’t understand why a movie isn’t reaching them. I don’t doubt that many neckbeards genuinely hate a film like “The Last Jedi” (Hell, I’m not a big fan myself) but when those same nerds enjoy something like “The Mandalorian,” a series that has its own loose relationship with canon and establishing new rules in the series, it tells me it’s not about the “lore” to them.

(Easy, fanboys...)

I have come to understand, in my growth as a nerd, that my problems with a lot of movies and TV shows in my favorite series rarely, if ever, have anything to do with the story not meeting some arbitrary guidelines regarding canon. It has more to with the story simply not connecting with me emotionally. The story isn’t drawing me in and keeping me on its narrative path. I’m not feeling the same magic that someone else might feel enjoying it because either a) it doesn’t feel earned to me or b) it just stylistically isn’t for me.

To paraphrase a line from another mega franchise, also owned by Disney, the canon is more like guidelines than actual rules.

(Didn’t expect to see ol’ Barbosa in this write up, did ye?)

It can show you where a story comes from but it isn’t law that you strictly adhere to it. Of course, when writing a new work in a popular series you should consider what came before it but I would like writer’s the freedom to try something new and most importantly fans to be open to it. You don’t have to like it but the idea that new entries in a story MUST remain strict to the canon is bull shit. Not even the original Star Wars trilogy adhered to its own canon perfectly, as clearly the writers were in fact making it up to a certain extent as they were going along.

(hmmmm...)

And that’s ok, because some of those changes were great! Made the story better and made the conclusion stronger.

Again, you don’t have to like every new entry that tries something bold or confrontational in your favorite franchise but if writers strictly followed canon to the T we wouldn’t have things like “Homecoming,” we wouldn’t have “The Mandalorian,” and we certainly wouldn’t have my favorite Transformers series “Beast Machines.”

Canon shouldn’t be a trap for writers and it shouldn’t be a litmus test for fans digesting it. There are so many better ways to judge a story than whether or not it fits neatly into established lore. A good story is a good story, regardless of whether or not it’s supported by something as static as canon.

“Beast Machines” has its flaws here and there, but canon isn’t one of them, at least not for me. Again, if you feel that the lore is important, that’s fine, you don’t have to ignore it but I would ask you to look beyond what came before when critiquing a new story.

Otherwise, you might miss something special that comes next…

Now then... 

[madroxed]

the order (season two) thoughts.

so chotoranii asked me for my thoughts on the order season two. of which there are many. posting them here rather than in a reply so tumblr doesn’t fuck up the ‘keep reading’ break. 

SO MANY SPOILERS AHEAD, OBVIOUSLY.

OK FOLKS, LET’S DO THIS. SORRY ABOUT THE WORD COUNT.

the good, the bad, and the incomprehensible.

ok SO. overall i thought this season was so much better than season one, especially in terms of production and acting.

i should start by saying, the biggest twist of this season? ME LIKING JACK AS A BLOND. i’ve been dragging that hair for months and i end up digging it? i’m so mad at myself.

ANYWAY the first three episodes? flawless! beautiful! amazing! they honestly took everything i could have listed as wanting and put it onscreen. jack trying out for cheer squad and having to stay on cheer squad to keep up the act? them finding each other almost immediately? the jokes about orgies? jack taking the knights seriously and holding on to his anger over the memory wipe? lilith and nicole? nicole in general? RANDALL AND HAMISH FAKE DATING (however briefly, seriously, i will be writing fic where they have to keep that up because i am betrayed that it was never brought up again and if you think i didn’t throw my laptop across the bed so i could run around screaming you’d be wrong)? A MAGIC HEIST?

honestly, all perfect.

............then the season started to go downhill. don’t get me wrong, there were still some excellent parts, but they were hindered by two things:

the plot jumping about too much to be comprehensible.

the fact that we the viewers are supposed to believe that randall carpio and hamish duke would not tear the world apart for lilith bathory immediately. 

the first is forgivable; the first season’s plot was a simple enough device that meant it dragged a little at times. this season they seemed to not want to fall into that trap again, but in doing so threw something so big in that they needed far too much exposition because they didn’t have enough time to show it (a trait they fell into in a lot of ways, we’ll get back to that). SHOW, DON’T TELL, FOLKS. that being said, i really liked salvadore as a character, and the idea of a group of people striving to make magic accessible to all was a cool moral quandary plot. 

the second is unforgivable to me, and led to the majority of my issues with the season. i understand the knights becoming members of the order (cool concept), i understand them struggling with conflicting loyalties because of it, but what i don’t understand is the fact that randall spent the majority of the season saying “let’s get lilith back!” only to back down at the first push back, and hamish was the push back. because......the order had other problems. IN WHAT UNIVERSE DO THE KNIGHTS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER NOT PUT EACH OTHER FIRST AND SAY FUCK EVERYONE ELSE? 

(jack i understand, if only because we saw so much of it last season. his loyalties are kinda flaky. i do understand his loyalty to vera; not only did she play a huge part in taking down edward last season, but the mind link thing and learning all her pain would have stuck with him. he loves a cause, that boy. also hey ho! jack was so much more likeable this season! we love to see it.)

also i just really missed lilith.

(thank fuck for nicole never giving up.)

the amount of callbacks to season one were fantastic. they didn’t just move on and leave it be, they referenced basically everyone, and seeing professor clarke and kyle again was a nice touch just to tie things together. there also being discussions about jack’s pete related trauma was great and necessary. 

ok, so alyssa. i take back my post about how great it would be for her to be the villain. this was so much better. her trauma in the wake of both season one and then accidentally killing someone leading to her feeling so conflicted and lost and alone? her magic malfunctioning when it’s all she feels she has? we’ve always known she was ambitious, but to see her face straight on the idea that she may be left completely powerless and no one really listening or trying to help her except a hive mind that’s also hurting her? o u c h. 

we saw this season that the real problem with the order is its motto of ‘hurry up and wait’. ‘we’ll save lilith.....just do all these other things first!’ ‘we’ll get alyssa’s magic back......there’s just more important things right now!’ it’s all so easy to see how that could frustrate someone so much they can’t take it anymore. 

i’m so pleased i loved alyssa so much this season. i desperately wanted to and i’m glad they gave me that. i just felt so much for her. she just wanted to not feel so alone and so helpless and so scared that she was going to pick the wrong side again. it was beautiful.

this also meant alyssa/jack was better this season. having got the insta-love out the way last season (ugh), this season they were able to actually look at how that would play out if you took ramifications into consideration. all the problems i had with them last season were vocalised onscreen, and this new unstable thing left in its place was far more appealing to watch. they were messy and bad for each other and they knew it, but that didn’t stop them loving each other. 

also: “if we get out of this, can i take you to the mall? because i really hate your jean jacket. and your hair.” 

in regards to the other relationships: 

lilith and nicole were adorable for the limited amount of time we got them onscreen. the slow crush to nervous dating was beautiful, and seeing lilith struggle with what getting her memories back meant in regards to that was great. we all know i thought the lilith/randall of last season was rushed, so having lilith torn over hurting one of the most important people in her life and following these feelings for someone new was lovely. IF WE GET A SEASON THREE I BETTER GET SO MUCH MORE OF THEM.

here’s the thing, putting aside lilith/nicole for a moment: the order can’t write good relationships (*with one major caveat).

hear me out. 

in season one it was insta-love. jack and alyssa meet and suddenly defending alyssa is the only thing that matters to jack. it....wasn’t good. randall and lilith were thrown together with very little build up and we were supposed to roll with it.

this season we had both hamish/vera and randall/gabrielle. i would like to say that theoretically i am here for both of these. but.

hamish/vera occurred off screen. oh, sure, we had a couple scenes of them staring at each other over drinks, but that was all we got until late into the season. we were told that hamish and vera were a thing by randall when he was winding hamish up. we didn’t see it for ourselves. again, this show’s habit of telling not showing is a problem. 

hamish and vera could make sense. two leaders of opposing factions having sort of hate, begrudging respect sex? i see it. from there, you can show us how it would become something more.

the show doesn’t. 

we’re told they’re together. we’re told hamish is forsaking his knightly duties in favour of vera. we’re told by hamish that he’s drunk the order koolaid, 

and all of this is supposed to culminate in us believing that hamish duke - tundra, leader of the knights of saint christopher, the most cunning of the wolves - would push aside everything else because he just believes that much in vera stone? to the point that he would all but abandon lilith and degrade his relationship with randall to randall being the annoying sidekick? 

i woke up at two a.m. to write a note on my phone that says: ‘the greatest tragedy of the order season two is hamish duke’s character assassination.’ and i stand by that. 

besides lilith’s absence for almost the whole season, it’s the thing i’m most mad about. i love hamish so much and to one-dimensionalise him in favour of a ship is...............shoddy work honestly.

so like i said. HAMISH/VERA COULD HAVE BEEN GOOD, BUT FOR FUCKSAKE SHOW, YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY DEVELOP THIS SHIT.

randall/gabrielle was better developed. by which i mean we actually saw them interacting on screen. we got to see them begrudgingly working together, we saw him learn more about her, we heard them talk about her need to fit in somewhere. when they made the joke about being bffs? good stuff. would i like them to slowburn this shit? yes please. have them become best friends and then have those feelings be something else. i would really like that. the show just needs to.......slow down. not immediately see a single character and need to throw them into a relationship with the nearest person.

gabrielle was great this season. by which i mean, she was gabrielle, and we love some consistent characterisation. i think it’s so true to everything we know about her that she’d want to inject herself into the knights’ world; she wants to be part of the in-crowd, and right now that’s them. she’s also supremely jealous of alyssa because, to her, it seemed like alyssa had the best of both worlds. so, yes, her wanting to be around the knights and that developing into her begrudgingly liking them makes a lot of sense to me.

so, my caveat.

the relationship the order knows how to write? the knights. hamish, randall, lilith, and jack. that dynamic saved season one from being a total mess. that dynamic thrived in the early episodes of this season. IT’S JUST THAT GOOD. i said once that if the order just became greek (2007) but with werewolves i’d be happy, and the first three episodes really gave me that. 

THE KNIGHTS ARE EACH OTHER’S SOULMATES, ASK ME HOW.

is this an excuse for me to complain that they gave us a hint of hamish/randall and then cruelly snatched it away and i’m still mad about it? YOU BETCHA.

is this also my way of saying there wasn’t nearly enough jack/randall this season? YOU BETCHA.

removing lilith from the equation (I’M STILL SO MAD) and then having hamish pull away from randall because..........who the fuck knows, was just a recipe for disaster.

clearly lilith is the glue that holds these idiots together.

so, vera. katherine isabelle still just steals every scene she’s in. i love her. i love vera’s characterisation. i love that she’s shamelessly ambitious but also wants the order to succeed and the world not to end. i love that she can be cold and cruel and still have such soft spots for both jack and alyssa. i love that she can be vulnerable and angry about it. i just........think vera’s pretty fucking great, tbh.

i still don’t understand why the knights - after their infiltration revenge plans go tits up - decide to just go full on order. like??????? hamish and jack barely even questioning anything???? randall must have spent most of this season feeling so alone.

that being said, when jack said to nicole and randall that he knew what they needed to get lilith back and the conversation pretty much went:

jack: you’re okay betraying the order?

nicole: for lilith, anything.

randall: i’d literally betray the order for a cookie, haven’t you been listening?

we love to see it.

OH, HEY GUYS, REMEMBER WHEN IAN ZIERING AND JASON PRIESTLEY WERE MEMBERS OF THE ORDER AND JASON PRIESTLEY BECAME GRAND MAGUS FOR A HOT SECOND???? that was written solely for me. i do not know who this show thinks its audience is, but it understands me to my core.

so...............i have zero clue where the show intends to go from here. i just need alyssa to be ok and i hope - like his friend randall - jack is willing to kill whoever the hell he has to to make that happen. (we stan randall straight up murdering someone to get lilith back and making sure nicole remains innocent and safe tbh.) 

SO TL;DR: the early episodes gave me life. the show declined from there, but i still enjoyed it a lot. the order is at its best when the knights are a team, i loved alyssa’s story this season, and i have no clue what to expect from next season (if we get one). werewolf alyssa? villain jack, perhaps? we’ll see! 

THIS POST PROBABLY SEEMS TOO NEGATIVE BUT HI! I STILL LOVED THIS SEASON A LOT AND I LOVE MY KIDS WITH MY WHOLE HEART AND IF YOU READ ALL A MILLION WORDS OF THIS THEN I LOVE YOU TOO.

also if anyone has any hamish/randall prompts i’ll be hanging out over here crying into my hands for the next few weeks. FAKE DATING. how dare they?!

[ramblingguy54]

Which moments from DuckTales, Amphibia, and Owl House are the saddest so far in your eyes?

I think this is most likely the same Anon ask from before that I haven’t answered, due to being busy with stuff on my end and if so my apologies for not getting back to ya sooner. Without further ado, let’s get this reply started.

To answer this question now, I’d say for DuckTales (2017) anything surrounding Della’s character arc and disappearance that led to serious negative consequences for the entire McDuck family. Last Crash Of The Sunchaser was by far the biggest gut punch of this series easily, no question about it. Scrooge’s silent montage was the most amazingly heartbreaking material that I’ve ever seen from the show and it holds a special place in my heart for doing that. They gave Scrooge a seriously complicated layer of development from that profound revelation of how he did everything in his power and would even risk fucking bankruptcy to find his niece. Also, Lena’s character backstory is another one I’d throw onto the pile. Lena and Della share some of the most dramatic material they’ve been given in the reboot for new character additions whether you’re looking at Lena trying to cope in new ways to all the abuse she suffered at Magica’s hands for years or Della trying to be a better parent and learning the struggles of when to put her foot down on the kids, as seen with the powerfully crafted Timephoon confronting Louie’s selfish actions, which in turn are a reminder for Della’s big mistake of taking the Spear Of Selene because she was so sure of herself as a seasoned adventurer and wanted to go above all else to shower her children with love by as Scrooge said, “Giving them the stars.”. Don’t get me started on Last Christmas either as that’s another bittersweet episode, too. One more I’d throw onto the pile would be Louie’s reprisal of the Moon Lullaby to pick Della up outta her PTSD of losing everything again. She was so sure that a special part of herself didn’t stick with the kids, but Donald made sure it did and I love that moment like crazy from Season 2′s finale, Moonvasion.

Moving on to Amphibia, I’d say this series has managed to deliver some hard hitting material that arguably ties with DuckTales dramatic stuff, too. Sasha’s remorseful suicide attempt in Season 1′s finale shocked the Hell outta me and made myself a guaranteed fan by that point of Ampihba’s storytelling about the concept of friendships and when some can turn into abusive toxic relationships. Amphibia has great build up to that pay off. Marcy’s reunion with Anne I’d say was also pretty sad because underneath all the tearful happiness was Anne’s PTSD from fear of losing another close friend, as if she was her own sister, just like what happened with her falling out against Sasha before. Sprig Plantar’s determination to make Hop Pop proud because he’s so insecure about being the trouble maker in the Plantar family. In other words, anything that revolves around Sprig & Hop Pop’s relationship about getting closer as a family. Polly’s own insecurities about being the youngest can lead to some sad stuff in its own right, like the episode where Anne judges Polly’s spitting as being a “disgusting slob” and Polly Trucker where she felt neglected, too. Amphibia’s Season 2 has been doing an excellent job building upon dramatic material from Season 1, as seen no less with its recent episode, Hopping Mall, where it doesn’t hold back on the underlying message of a parent’s connection with their son or daughter, which in this scenario were Mothers’. Seeing Anne discuss how much she loved these little things, such as her tone deaf singing, showcased the solitude she tries to cope with in this new crazy world she’s been thrown into. Then you got Sprig who puts on a whole cheery facade throughout trying his best to help Anne get that reward prize from Smash & Carts, while hiding all that baggage from never knowing his own Mother because she suddenly passed away when him and Polly were still very young. Like, damn, the silent hug that broke Sprig into tears was a great use of show don’t tell about how these two kids feel in this moment.

Last but not least, The Owl House. Saddest stuff right off the bat are three words. Amity. Fucking. Blight. Her entire character arc is soul crushing because she was raised to be an arrogant piece of crap by her toxic parents, much like Pacifica Northwest in Gravity Falls. However, after meeting Luz she began to finally change seeing all the pure kindness and determination she had at bettering not only just at magic spell casting, but as a person as well. The fact that she gave up her friendship with Willow to save her from being banned from enrolling in the same school together speaks volumes of her love for her former friend, who soon grew deeply bitter at Amity’s shitty behavior toward for from those years forward. That one quote hit me like a truck, “Willow, you were never too weak to be my friend. I was too weak to be your’s...”. Amity’s my favorite character in the series for how well the writers approached the idea of a bully archetype and subverting that trope into something really profound in putting the spotlight on her underlying humanity beneath all that bravado her parents taught her to have. Eda’s complex chemistry with her sister, Lilith, is another one that was sad as Hell. These two sisters used to have a real respect for each other, but their difference in life choices separated them soon afterwards. Every time Lilith interacted with Eda, you could tell she wanted to help her remove the nasty curse that Lilith placed upon her. Lilith really wanted to help Eda, despite working for a seriously corrupt tyrant, just through different means that are very questionable, of course as a well intentioned extremist. Lilith’s immediate regret after saying, “Then why were you so easy to curse!?”, goes on to further reinforce that notion that Lilith felt terrible for putting Eda under a curse that was never her intent to be a permanent spell, but only one for a short amount of time.

So, there you go, there’s detailed my two cents finally. =P

[elle9095]

So yesterday The Boyz’ Checkmate performance on Road to Kingdom completely blew my mind and it's been all I can think about for like 15 hours so I figured writing basically a dissertation explaining what I saw in their performances is going to help me make sense of life again.

The narrative that I got from the performances tells a story about the power struggles of monarchy, both literally and metaphorically, when you consider the industry. It’s also the concept of the show, giving these bands a chance to play in the same league as the so called kpop royalty.

It like the Boyz were on a show called Road to Kingdom and decided to make it literal.

First performance: Hwarang/ Sword of Victory

I think no one could've imagined what was to come when they made this performance. It was meant as an intro to the group so it was short and impressive and I’d say that it sort of set the style of their performance but not yet the general concept that has developed over the show.

Also I just learned that hwarangs were entertainers before they became a legion of warriors and later an institution, so they're basically old-timey boy groups turned soldiers.

How quaint when you consider the later performances.

Second performance: Danger

This is where it all started I guess. They went with the thieving concept of the song, decided to take inspiration from their first performance and bam now they’re stealing crowns and climbing walls.

Third performance: Reveal (Catching Fire)

So obviously referencing the Hunger Games which is a survival game but essentially a story of revolution.

Fourth performance: Heroine

This one's a bit different since it's a collab but yeah the whole performance is basically a person's journey to center stage, which is usually occupied by the winners/royalties.

Fifth performance: Quasi una fantasia

This one didn't look like it was going to fit the narrative with it being so ethereal and so hopeful, what with the branch slowly blooming, like a good thing coming to fruition, but this is the euphoria after you've made it and they sort of tell you in the title that yes this is basically a fantasy.

Final performance: Checkmate

This one is fucking insane okay? They start off with a deja vu: Yonghoon's with the hypnotizing watch again and you notice the blooming tree in the background but there's something uncanny and the watch stops, you get flashbacks of Juyeon taking down the king, wearing his crown, Q stealing the crown, stealthily sliding and passing it on to Sunwoo who seems like he's finally going to ascend to the throne and next thing you know he's falling and waking from a bad dream…

At this point I was already cursing and gasping and having a heart attack and they haven't even started singing. And it's like everything they've done so far was just a dream, the game is on let's start all over again.

And isn't it exactly like that? Because a game of thrones (though not explicitly referenced) is exactly just that: a game. You come to power but how long is that going to last? Sunwoo’s (literal) fall from power lasted a breath. You win first place on a music chart this week, you start all over again next week. And The Boyz would know that, having spent the the first weeks on top, but it only took a single performance in one episode for them to drop to third place.

And the chess concept is PERFECT. Chess is a game of war and strategy and the big picture and that's all they've been doing on this show: they've stolen, tricked, rebelled, and dreamed before they finally checkmate. All these performances make up one big picture and I don't know if they've planned this from the start but it’s fucking genius.

The Boyz are so good at coming with a concept and sticking with it, they make a song called checkmate and whoa they have a chess concept now, they have black and white costumes, dancers dressed as pawns, chess board effect and choreo, chess piece props… Which all seemed like obvious artistic choices but there's always MORE.

Like can we talk about that fucking table? I was like 'where did they find a three-way chess table omg it's gorgeous' and then someone's dancing on it and you see the glass tube thingy under the table and MOTHERFUCKER ITS A FUCKING CHESS HOURGLASS

Also for someone to be able to dance on it they flipped the table upside down and it's either like turning back time (rewind sound effect at the beginning) or starting all over again, but also I was like 'huh the tables have turned' and then 'OH FUCK OFF'

And it's all in the details in the performances, the small things that they reference, the same imagery that comes back again and again, every time I rewatch a performance I notice something I didn't before.

There’s the flower, something that's fragile and fleetingly beautiful, also the 'hwa' in hwarang. The moon, which is always changing, like an illusion, the full moon referenced in Reveal, which originally had a werewolf-y concept.

The fire, the sword, all associated with war and power. Even the tricks and optical illusions. The chess, the crown, the king. Everything came together so perfectly in that final performance and wrap up so nicely like HOW IS THAT SHIT EVEN REAL

I love how they have all the names of the song in the title cards (Thieves, Reveal, Paradise, Checkmate) and I’ve been thinking about the lyrics 'the show must go on' and 'the game starts again' and how Sisyphean it all is.

And it's almost like in the end they understand how futile the pursuit of power is but is still pushed by their drive to thrive for better, and in the end they realize being king isn't winning the game. Chess isn't about being king, you don't have to be king to win the game.

Their final card says 'As long as the moon shines, the king of all games is the Boyz'. They don't say 'we're the king' they say 'we're the king of all games'. It’s like 'yeah we're good at this and we're ready to go at it again' be it the hunger games, a game of thrones, or a game of chess.

DAMN THESE PHILOSOPHICAL REBELLIOUS BOYZ

These performances are inspiring and stimulating on so many levels, I mean yeah, the concept is mind-blowing, and of course the performances are just (literally) breathtaking but we haven't even talked about the technicalities.

Yes, I know these performances are great but more importantly I love how self-aware they are. They really seized the opportunity to do the kind of performance that they couldn't be possibly allowed to do anywhere else.

You can hardly do these things for a live audience, since so much rely on the camera work. You can't do this on music shows or music awards where people only care about the more famous groups.

And while these performances were created with the camera in mind, they still make the watching experience so incredibly live by making the performances so risky, upping the stakes to insane levels, and I don't just mean having to catch flying weapons or falling members, but like having a crazy domino choreography where one member's misplaced limb could ruin the whole shot, or using cool props and tricks that could so easily go wrong.

Like the branch that Juyeon was so upset about? The whole trick relied on everyone doing the right thing with the right prop at the right time right place TWICE all the while making it look effortless and seamless.

Can you imagine what kind of crazy you have to be to come up with that?

I personally think that mistake was a perfect imperfection when you look at the whole picture: something not quite right in this otherwise perfect dream that proved to be a mere fantasy, too good to be true.  

Watching the Boyz on Road to Kingdom was pure delight, and for people like me who get off on the thrill of live experience, performances like these are SUCH A TURN ON. And as a writer I'm just a sucker for conceptual plots, unexpected twists and experimenting with structures.

I’m currently torn by a mix of feelings: excitement for Kingdom, anxiety about the safety of the performers, dread of the inevitable end of the show. It kills me a little to think that we'll probably not see this kind of performances as much. That they don't get to perform like this again: go all out and not just tell a story but a fucking epic that will make Bertolt Brecht cry.

I hope they get their own comeback specials or that the company does like OK Go and makes all these crazy fun performance music videos. At this point I don't even know how to organize my thoughts to express my love for the creative team behind the productions, like someone there's got imagination to spare and I want to pick their brains so bad.

I didn’t know anything about this group before my sister showed me their Danger performance clip, and I’m 98% sure I’d never have discovered this group have they not gone on RTK but holy fuck am I glad that this happened because this is probably one of the best things that came out in 2020, making this disaster of a year almost bearable.  

So yeah, that's what I thought about the Boyz performances. Thank you for coming to my ted talk or whatevs

Also I have a second theory that the whole season is just Sunwoo getting over his fear of heights through exposure therapy.

[zuzuslastbraincell]

Katara!

KATARA KATARA KATARA

why I like them

oh god where do i even start. katara just contains so many multitudes - she's sweet and feminine and caring and attentive but she's never reduced to just that, she's never just 'the girl', she's also allowed to get mad, to be petty, to laugh at her brother, to be headstrong and stubborn, to express vulnerability, to cry and to laugh, to make ridiculous facial expressions and *be* very expressive. she's dealing with a lot of trauma not simply from the loss of her mother but that loss represents also how her tribe have been decimated by the fire nation, how she's the last waterbender, how all this pressure exists on her shoulders (but also pride, but also determination, to bring it back) and that is expressed subtly throughout the series with the same depth and love that male characters are afforded with regard to their respective traumatic experiences. and despite all this she never tries to stop making the world good? She's always pushing for change, she's always wanting to make things better, she's relentless and doesn't give up when it comes to her vision for a better world... she has such a big heart. and that coexists with a deep anger in her, and deep hurt. Not to make an ocean metaphor so early on but she's as deadly and deep as the ocean but she chooses to be kind and warm and that's so powerful.

why i don't

honnestly while katara's instincts to mother people are a sad symptom of how she was forced to grow up to soon and automaically asigns herself a role of emotional responsibility she has mixed feelings about, i know that if katara tried to mother me, i would be annoyed. but that sounds more like a me problem.

favourite episode

oh it's either the episode where she beats the fucking shit out of pakku or it's the southern raiders. the first one because it's so gratifying to see how she's grown and developed as a bender and really come into her own. the second because... god i love how *messy* the southern raiders is, and it really taps into what i love about katara - she's flawed, she runs off on an ill-thought out revenge mission with zuko, she's got a great capability for darkness as she quite seriously considers murdering a man she has every right to loathe and to kill - but she chooses against it, in the end. it would not be right for her, if not him. she chooses what's right for her in the end.

favourite season

I'm gonna be a wee bit controversial and say book 1 had the best conception of katara's arc from student to master and really saw her grow and flourish, from someone yelling at her brother' oafish prejudice to a real master, that really solidified her as an idealist and presented that as the strength that is, that showed her struggling with petty jealousy of aang's progress and had her stumble in ways that made her character comeplling and interesting - like what an introduction to her character! book 2 had some fantastic moments but i can't think of anything particularly remarkable about hee character arc - largely because it tied into aang's romantic arc i think at this point. book 3 had some absolutely fantastic moments (scam queens katara and toph!! painted lady!! southern raiders!! the final agni kai) that really shone but also book 3 lays a lot of groundwork for fanon i hate (e.g. katara as the mom friend - wish that headcanon would die tbh)

favourite line

fuck there's a lot of good ones but my underrated fave is when sokka says he's kissed a girl before but she's never met her and katara says 'Who? Gran-gran? I've met gran-gran' and it's bruuutaaall

but my favourite serious line is 'I will never ever give up on people who need me'. powerful.

favourite outfit

water tribe anything!! and i actually think her book one/book two braids are her best hair. underrated katara hair. personally she looks just adorable in her parka in the flashback to when she was like. eight.

OTP

katara/personal fulfilment

katara/happiness

katara/fulfilling her goals and dreams

katara/loving minor background character who is never named

there's some ships i like in AU situations - yuetara is actually one i lov, especially with waterbender yue, i just love the whole sea/moon thing as well as katara and yue rebelling in loud/quiet ways, being girlfriends who refuse to have their lives defined by the expectations of older men, who have a great sense of duty towards their nations and won’t let gendered expectations stop them.

and most of you know i like the messy drama of katara/azula in a lighter AU situation where they're like, school or academic rivals, and the legacy of imperialism isn’t quite so personal (and azula makes better choices, obviously), but it’s not as much as i “ship” them as i just find the potential dynamic interesting, they’re both driven by a sense of duty for their home, it’s just that means *very* different things depending if you’re SWT or FN.

none of them are OTPs though - they’re more just fun thought experiments

brotp

katara & sokka - absolutely love their sibling dynamic its amazing. both have been impacted negatively by the shit in their lives and are not always dealing with it in functional ways but theyre there for each other, through thick and thin, always have each other's backs, they roast each other and bicker and sometimes make stupid decisions and sometimes lash out but at the end of the day their love pulls through, they’re able to work past those conflicts.

katara & aang - honestly while i feel kataang was just so poorly executed in the show (listen guys I just can’t after ember island players, i know that was a bad episode, but i can’t) & i cant imagine katara wanting to leave the south pole after the war for long spells (it would have to be long distance love, lots of profound and heartfelt letters and occasional visits, if anything, but i dont know if that’s what katara wants or needs? so maybe it wouldn’t pan out?), but regardless, i really do think these two had a life-changing friendship where each really represented hope for each other, that's at the core of it, they both truly believe in each other, and inspired each other. katara & aang good.

a headcanon

chief katara anyone?? chief katara?!?! 

oh oh OH i also think that katara, while primarily a combat bender during the war, actually takes to healing a lot more after the show and gets proper healing training at some point with the help of a trained medical expert and maybe yugoda. tbh i feel like the show was a bit dismissive of healing as an ability - i feel like having that is *extremely* useful in any combat situation, you always have a medic on hand - but i understand why katara, who wanted to be recognised as powerful regardless of her gender, and wanted to hold herself in a fight alongside sokka & aang, pushed for combat waterbending training because that is what 'powerful' looks like to her in the moment. obviously katara is capable of incredible healing feats (see: saving aang) but i think given we see her as a healer in lok (not a decision i necessarily disagree with) would mean a shift in focus. i think katara actually comes to realise she likes healing a great deal, but really she excels in all aspects of waterbending and is the south’s most respected master who helped rejuvenate southern style waterbending  

unpopular opinion

the main reason people think katara is straight is because we see her have very few meaningful interactions with other girls outside of toph. ATLA as a show is a bit romance obsessed, and very heteronormative in that regard, and so interactions with minor characters almost always line up with a potential crush for sokka or katara, and later, zuko (suki, haru, jet, yue, song, jin....). we rarely see katara build friendships with other girls and it’s such a damn shame.

(anyway bi katara for life)

a wish

the version of the puppetmaster we saw was actually fire nation propaganda, i feel like katara would have felt deep compassion for a prisoner of war and after maybe some clashes, would have agreed to help smuggle her out of the fire nation and secure passage home for hama, and tried to assure her that she still has a place there. the treatment of hama in that episode was awful (but also hama was written to be almost cartoonishly evil, very much an evil witch in her cottage in the spooky woods? like the whole horror movie / spooky story opening was such a big tell) and tbh i reject the thesis that we saw ‘katara’s dark potential’ in that episode completely, or that bloodbending as a power is inherently dark, or katara’s use of it to stop hama ‘corrupted’ her. I feel like katara might feel this way as a teenager perhaps but with time (she can be a little black and white at times), and especially with more training as a healer, i think she might realise that’s not the case, she’ll realise that she was right to try and oppose hama, her elder (she was lashing out rather than really trying to oppose the fire nation), and it wasn’t a betrayal of her or her beliefs, but also her use of bloodbending wasn’t wrong or evil inherently at all? and maybe she’d find ways to use it for healing purposes? anyway my wish is that, i like the idea that they meet again, speak about their differences, reconcile a little / come to an understanding, and katara learns more from hama again

an oh-god-please-don't-ever-happen

anything where katara’s character is reduced to a comforter or a healing device for a man and his trauma. particularly zuko. (they don’t have that dynamic in canon thankfully, zuko would never, zuko respects her too much)

5 words to describe them:

idealistic, hard-working, powerful, headstrong, kind

my nickname for them:

chief. or comrade. :^)

[albatris]

Hello hope you're well on this Saturday may I ask what the deepest fears of each of the ATDAO cast members is, thank you and goodnight

oh you’re just gonna dive right in with the hard-hitting questions I see

thank you for the ask!!

under the cut because rambles, of course, I literally do not know how to be concise I’m so sorry, you probably already knew this was coming HAHAHA

Tris’s deepest fear aside from Literally Everything In The Universe would be uhhhhh....... being somehow responsible for harm coming to the people he cares about? either directly or indirectly. I think on a big scale the whole concept of the butterfly effect stresses him out hahaha. on a small scale, he spends a lot of time stressing about his friends and family, he has a lot of intrusive thoughts about what horrible things could potentially happen to them, he worries about accidentally hurting them, etc. etc.

n I haven’t really talked in depth all that much about the specifics of Tris’s psychosis, but there’s definitely aspects of it that become pretty intense and aggressive in terms of commands and orders and “some terrible and/or violent thing will happen to your friend / sister / neighbour if you don’t do this thing”, lots of prickly parts of it that like to make threats to his safety and the safety of the people around him if he attempts to ignore or resist them. so even on good days he’s got this constant background-hum anxiety that if he chooses to disobey something or if he misinterprets a sign or if he steps out of line, his loved ones are going to be punished for it, which is just.............. a lot

a fear of helplessness and a lack of control also factors into it, like, ever since he was very very very small he’s had this idea ingrained that you can do literally everything right and the universe can still squash you like a bug at any second, n he had absolutely no way to even begin processing that in a healthy way so it just manifested in the fact that he pretty much only ever feels safe when he’s accounted for every tiny detail and is following very specific routines and has left as little room as possible for anything unexpected to catch him off guard. he’s got these rules and systems and rituals he clings to ‘cause they offer him some illusion of safety and control even though they kind of........ won’t actually do anything to stop the universe fucking his shit up

Noa’s is................. I’m not sure if “being left behind” really covers it

if we’re talking in a real broad big scale sense, I think it’s a fear of being forgotten or brushed over or not being seen, or more, people refusing to see her? it’s a fear of, like, fighting her hardest to make noise and be seen and the world just completely and utterly turning its back on her. she’s spent a whole lot of her life trying to carve out a space for herself and make her voice heard, n between illness and financial difficulties and a piece of shit dad, she and her mum have struggled to stay afloat in systems that have just consistently, consistently failed them and whose best advice is “just try harder” and “we can’t help you if you don’t help yourself”

and, like, Noa’s very full of rage about it and has made some restless peace with the fact that she has to look out for herself and the people she cares about, because no one in any position of power is gonna throw them a stick, but it’s not something she’s comfortable with and it’s a horribly alienating and frightening experience

n I guess a fear of being left behind does play out on an interpersonal level too, though it’s not really in the same vein as the other stuff? I’ve talked a lot in the past about how she’s resistant to people getting close to her ‘cause she’s got a lot of paranoia and fear and doesn’t wanna be vulnerable, but there’s also just............ a whole lot of impostor syndrome in the friendships she already has, she’s always on some level convinced that she’s somehow tricked people into liking her and one day they’re gonna wake up and realise she’s not all that special or that nice or that fun to be around. I don’t think she really views herself as someone who’s allowed to be loved just for who she is, or that “who she is” is someone who already has value or anything to bring to the table in terms of friendship

Shara’s deepest fear is the idea that there really is Absolutely No Meaning To Any Of This

that the universe is all just chaos with no purpose and no direction, that there are no bigger forces at play, that there’s nothing good and right and loving at the centre of it all, that it’s all just chance and machinery and completely unfeeling

I think one of the main ways she processes the world and is able to feel safe given the collapsing nature of reality is her desperate and adamant belief that There Has To Be An Answer, that it’s all something that can be untangled and solved, and that if she can manage to figure it out then she’ll be able to make some peace with it and things will make sense again

there’s a lot of stuff from her past that she has no real closure for, particularly the loss of one of her close childhood friends as a result of some unfortunate interdimensional fuckery, and she’s still trying to sort out her feelings about it and find a way to live her life in relation to it, she’s still trying to find a way that something so cruel can make sense

Kai has............................ a lot of fear. many many fear. I will not talk about all of it. I will talk about two of it

one of the main ones is this idea that the only reason they try so hard to care so much and help people and have a positive impact on the people around them is because deep down they don’t actually care at all, that they’ve kind of just fooled everyone into thinking they’re a good person when in reality they’re the worst, they’re a liar and a fraud

which is just kind of......... I mean, they’re not really someone who’s ever considered their own mental health at length so they haven’t really got any point of reference for what’s happening to them post-time-loop, which is basically just. panic attacks, dissociative episodes, blacking out for days at a time, not recognising themself in the mirror, feeling completely numb, not even fully convinced that this is even real life. all very understandable reactions to what they’ve just been through

but definitely the thing that hits them the hardest is the fact that they can look at the people they’re supposed to love and care about and just not feel anything at all, which fuckin terrifies them. they spend a lot of time in crisis about it, feeling like they’re an actor trying to play the part of their own life, they’re doing what they think they’re supposed to but they’re just completely disconnected

(they eventually open up to Noa about it in a full breakdown and are like “I’m a terrible person” and she’s just like “you’re traumatised you fucking dumbass let’s get you some therapy”)

and on equal footing to this and one that deserves a mention is the fact that they’ve been psyching themself up to Go Back Home for the past year and then psyching themself out again, repeat x infinity. A Lot Fucking Changed in the years Kai was gone, and their family had a funeral for them and mourned them and had to deal with all the grief and the fallout of losing their sibling / child / family member and their mum broke down in a real bad way and they’ve all spent the past seven years trying to claw their way back to anything resembling a normal life

and Kai is kinda A) unsure whether it would be selfish of them to try and re-enter their lives now, whether it would be disruptive and confusing and more pain than it’s worth given how much work they’ve put into trying to move on and create a new normal and B) fucking terrified that they won’t even know these people anymore because they’ve all changed so much and Kai hasn’t, they’re not going to fit here or be welcome anymore, and that no matter how much they try to return to normal they’re never going to have a home again

and that is just

kind of a :( note to end on but here we are, at the end

thanks for coming to my ted talk?

!!! thank u for reading if you read this far in my rambling please have an excellent night