#its a lot longer than i expected

[samioli]

Are you doing the "Drunken Love Confessions" game? If so, I'd love a 16. "This is not a dream, I think. In my dreams we're usually kissing." - narumitsu. Thanks!

Hi there! Thanks for the prompt! I can't believe this is the first narumitsu thing I've written in months, CRAZY. I hope you enjoy!

16. "This is not a dream, I think. In my dreams we're usually kissing."

Phoenix never expected Miles Edgeworth to be this much of a lightweight. 

He always pictured him drinking glass upon glass of wine and still being his perfect, elegant, slightly-pompous self. 

Who knew if you got him to do a few tequila shots that all went away?

Although to be fair, he’s definitely been less of an ass these past few months, Phoenix thought to himself, gazing at the man who was currently dozing off on his shoulder in the taxi they were in together. Once you’ve seen a guy drool on your suit jacket, he kinda seemed a little less scary to you.

Besides…he’s been through a lot. 

Phoenix softened as Edgeworth started to snore lightly in his sleep. After everything with the von Karma case, he thought the man deserved as many naps as he wanted.

Still though, Phoenix wasn’t sure what it exactly meant for the two of them. Were they acquaintances? Co-workers? Friends?

…Could they ever be more?

That’s not fair, Phoenix, he chastised himself. Let the man breathe; no need to smother him with your weird crush that you’ve had since you were kids.

He had to remind himself that the guy just found out his mentor (and kind of adoptive father) killed his dad all those years ago—a crime he blamed himself for.

Edgeworth deserved a break.

Which was exactly why Phoenix practically dragged him for a post-trial celebration. He wanted Edgeworth to get his mind off of things, to even let loose a little bit, but he wasn’t really sure if that was possible.

After tonight, Phoenix knew it was. Edgeworth turned out to be a really goofy and happy drunk, which surprised the hell out of him. He honestly never thought he’d associate the word goofy with Edgeworth before, but hey, never say never.

Edgeworth was laughing at Phoenix’s sub-par jokes, giggling to himself and practically beaming at him all night.

It was…nice.

Addicting, even. He wished he could see that side of Edgeworth more.

“Is over here alright?” The taxi driver asked, shaking Phoenix out of his thoughts. He looked out the window at this really fancy-shmancy apartment complex, hoping Edgeworth had given the right address.

Phoenix gently raised his shoulder, attempting to wake the man up. “Psst. Edgeworth. We’re here, I think.”

It took a moment, but Edgeworth started to wake, opening and closing his eyes a few times. “Hmm?”

God, he was adorable.

“Is this the right place?” he asked, trying not to fall head over heels in love with a man who could barely tolerate his existence up until recently.

Edgeworth blinked a few more times—first at him, then at the apartment building. He seemed to think about it for a bit before perking up. 

“Oh! We’re home.”

Phoenix attempted not to choke on his own spit at that, at Edgeworth implying that it was their home, but was it a fucking task. 

He didn’t mean it like that, he’s drunk right now.

Phoenix tried to get his shit together and thanked the taxi driver, shuffling Edgeworth out of the cab. He was a little wobbly in his movements, but he could still somewhat stand up on his own.

Thankfully.

“Alright, buddy,” Phoenix started, deciding to take the chance to call Edgeworth that when he knew he could totally get away with it now, “lead me to your place.”

Edgeworth nodded sagely. “Certainly,” he said, sounding almost like his usual, eloquent self.

Until he bumped straight into a wall.

“Woah!” Phoenix half exclaimed, half laughed. He rushed to Edgeworth’s side to make sure there weren’t any injuries. “You okay, bud?”

The man in question responded with a hum. “I’m fine. Tired.”

He chuckled. “Point to which apartment is yours, okay?”

They got to Edgeworth’s apartment with little to no issues (Edgeworth was wobbling here and there) and Phoenix asked him for the key to open the door. Once they were inside, he was going to ask where Edgeworth’s room was, but the man plopped himself on the couch in the living room.

“Hey, don’t you want to sleep in your bed? That’s gonna kill your back tomorrow.”

“Hmm. No. Don’t want to move,” Edgeworth said, closing his eyes and lying down on his couch.

“Come on, you have to at least change out of your suit.”

Edgeworth groaned, a bit like a child. Phoenix tried not to laugh.

“C’mon,” Phoenix urged, trying to lift Edgeworth. “Up you go.”

Edgeworth obeyed him the rest of the way until they got to his room, only muttering to himself a little bit.

Phoenix sat Edgeworth on his bed as he looked in his drawers for some kind of pajamas. 

“The top drawer has my night clothes,” Edgeworth slurred, lying back on the bed.

“Yes, sir,” Phoenix said, hearing Edgeworth giggle behind him. He grabbed what looked like really fancy pajamas—pink satin ones.

Wow. This guy lives a life of luxury.

He turned and placed them on the bed, tilting his head when Edgeworth was still giggling. “What’s so funny?”

“You…you called me—” Edgeworth went into a fit of giggles. “You called me sir. I usually call you that.”

Phoenix laughed, scrunching his face in confusion. “What? You’ve never called me that in your life.”

Edgeworth’s brow furrowed. “Oh. Really? I guess I’ve only said it in my dreams.”

Phoenix froze, feeling heat creep into his cheeks. 

He didn’t mean…No, that’s crazy.

“U-Uh.” He coughed. “Okay, then.” He cleared his throat, patting the pajamas on the bed. “You think you can change by yourself?”

Edgeworth nodded. “Indeed. Verily.”

Phoenix raised an eyebrow. “Well, okay. I’m gonna get you a glass of water okay? Give you some time to change."

He led himself into the kitchen and prepared two glasses, feeling a bit thirsty himself. 

He tried not to think about the comment Edgeworth made.

He failed. Several times.

After trying to calm himself and get rid of any inappropriate thoughts, he went back toward Edgeworth’s room holding the two glasses of water. 

“Edgeworth?” he called out. “You changed?”

Phoenix heard some sort of affirmative sound, pushing the door open. He placed the glasses of water on the nightstand.

When he looked at Edgeworth, his breath stopped.

Why does he have to be so goddamn cute? WHY.

He looked absolutely adorable in his fancy pajamas—even had a little sleeping cap on. It was so unfair.

“Before you sleep, drink some water for me okay?”

Edgeworth opened his eyes, gray irises staring at him. After a moment, he smiled softly. “Alright,” he said, rising a bit out of bed into a sitting position. He took the glass of water closest to him and started to drink.

Satisfied, Phoenix took the other glass and started drinking some of his own. Edgeworth settled his glass down on the nightstand and looked at him intensely.

He lowered his glass a bit, tilting his head. “What is it?”

“This is not a dream…is it?” Edgeworth mused, before shaking his head. “No, I don’t think it is.”

Phoenix smiled softly before taking another sip of his water.

“If this were one of my usual dreams, we’d be kissing.”

Phoenix promptly inhaled his water, going into a coughing fit.

What????

While he coughed and coughed, Phoenix’s mind went racing. Surely this was just Edgeworth talking nonsense, right? It had to be. The guy hated him until a few days ago! And even then it was pretty shaky ground!

There was no way Edgeworth had dreams about kissing him. No way at all.

…Right?

“Are you alright?” Edgeworth asked, and woah, when did he get up out of bed? He was in Phoenix’s space, putting a hand on his shoulder. 

It didn’t really help the situation.

“I’m fine,” Phoenix choked out, in between a few coughs. He waved his hand dismissively. “Don’t worry about me, go sleep.”

Edgeworth peered at him for a few more moments, before he relented, going back toward the bed and laying down. “If you insist.”

I gotta get outta here before I do something stupid. 

There were a few moments of silence as Phoenix simply watched Edgeworth settle himself on the bed.

We’ll talk about it in the morning.

There was always going to be morning. And if there wasn’t, they’d find a chance to talk about it eventually. Phoenix would make sure of it.

It’s not like the guy was going anywhere any time soon—they’d find the time.

After a few more moments of silence, Phoenix figured Edgeworth had fallen asleep. He clicked the lamp on the nightstand off, cascading the room in darkness.

“Goodnight, Edgeworth,” he said softly. 

Tomorrow.

He walked toward the door, ready to leave the room.

“Phoenix?”

He stopped. That was the first time Edgeworth called him that in years. It made his heart pound.

“...Yes?”

“Thank you again,” Edgeworth murmured, so softly it made his chest ache. “You saved me.”

And it was the way Edgeworth said it, like he was in awe, that made Phoenix speechless.

He swallowed. “Of course.” He lingered for a few more moments. “Goodnight, Edgeworth," he repeated, feeling like it was the only thing he could say.

“Goodnight, Wright.”

Phoenix stared for a beat longer in the darkness before he forced his legs to move out of the doorway.

They’d talk about it tomorrow.

[deoidesign]

Ray of sunshine

(pre-launch page for their comic)

[serpentface]

Faiza performing the Kagnoma Odo (pretty literally 'lion dance'), a weapons dance and one of the more important ritual duties of Odonii priestesses. A relatively new addition to this traditional dance involves the musket as the primary weapon, which is fired mid-twirl into the ground at the climax of the dance. Faiza is experiencing an 'oh fuck' moment because her shot is more than ideally diagonal, but she’s being so cool with it.

This is a wholly ceremonial performance at the onset of the pilgrimage, performed in full regalia and lion skin (of the small, semi-domesticated strain) but no armor. It’s also distinctly a display of political allegiance between the powerful and beloved Odonii priesthood (and its loyal military) with the increasingly reviled and destabilized imperial family, with Faiza prominently wearing a bracelet of the royal serpent, which was gifted (along with the musket) by the usoma Stavis Amanti himself (Usoma is the Wardi word for king, which has been retained in the context of emperors).

The Kagnoma Odo is the ultimate demonstration of the Odonii as an embodiment of the Lion Face of God and living vessel of military might and sovereignty, demonstrating her fitness and proficiency with weapons and as a spiritual unifier for soldiers. It is accompanied by drumming and occurs in stages, running through the three keymost weapons used in war- the spear, the sword, and the musket. The musket is of the most significance, given the weapon has developed a particular esteem as the ultimate embodiment of might and superiority. Assistants (almost always other priestesses, occasionally high ranking soldiers) load and prime the musket to be fired at the climax of the dance, where it is shot into the ground as the priestess leaps out of range of the shot. The firing signals the end of the dance and the rite itself.

While not the utmost exemplar of trigger discipline, only fully inducted and senior (and therefore very thoroughly trained) Odonii are permitted to perform the dance, and injuries during actual performances are quite rare (though are known to occur during training, more than a few Odonii have burns and wounds on their feet).

The most important renditions of this dance are performed upon declarations of war and before battles (in this case, generally done in full armor along with the lion pelt). It is also done during some trainings (while a dance, it is carefully choreographed to include naturalistic maneuvers of the weapons involved and helps soldiers limber up and learn to move their weapons). It is regarded as an impressive and motivating sight and a morale booster, and, seen at a distance, potentially intimidating to enemies.

A special variant of this dance is performed as means of fully incarnating the Odomache, which is done in full nudity with the body covered in the blood of the freshly sacrificed lion and cloaked in its raw pelt (the lion has become the corpse of Odomache in the moment of death, as part of its recreation of God's sacrifice). Her public, full nude appearance once (and only once) in this act is what allows the Lion Face of God to incarnate within her. Those in attendance see the spiritually vulnerable, naked human body obscured with the sanctified and deified blood and cloaked in the sanctified and deified skin. It is a merger of the contradictions of mortality and divinity, the boundaries between the two indistinct in flickering firelight and the flash of musketfire. She is witnessed by her people, dangling in between humanity and divinity and leading them in dance, and and is thus transformed.

[itsnicsalad]

doodles bc i miss drawing things that are rendered lol

[fistfuloflightning]

I don't know if it's currently inspiring to you but I'd love to see more Lúthien/Maglor. (Ooor ot3 with Daeron 👀... but I know that won't appeal to everyone. RIP Beren).

Do they ever have a kid in your AU? That would be cute.

…you’re probably going to hate me for this, but in my aus they never live long enough to have a child—the retrieval of the silmarils is too important for them to abandon Beleriand and run off to start a family, and all my aus have them sacrificing their fëar to binding Morgoth.

BUT

if they had a child, I don’t think it would be easy having a Feanorian kinslayer as your father and the Doriath traitor as your mother.

Take her by the safest road.

[transformers-synergize]

so is the first chapter just human characters? ):

No, it's not just human characters. Chapter 1 part 2 will be posted tomorrow, and it has robots, please be patient.

If you are a transformers fan who dislikes any humans in transformers media for the fact they are human, then Synergize is probably not going to be your thing, sorry. Synergize focuses a lot on human and cybertronian relationships. Synergize is an ensemble cast with multiple characters who get a decent amount of focus, some of those characters being human, I intend to put just as much care and time into developing the human characters as I do the bots. The human characters are not an afterthought or something I'm adding just because I felt like it, they are important members of the cast, both the human cast and cybertronian cast are essential for each other development/character arcs. cybertronian in Synergize are written to be much more alien than in most Transformers media. Synergize's cybertronains have more alien-like behavior, morals, instincts, social dynamics, social structure, anatomy and society, having human characters to contrast that help better show the alienness of the bots. Along with having a character who can learn about the bots alongside the reader and ask questions a cybertronian character wouldn't. It also creates a lot of interesting human bot dynamics and plot opportunities.

Human characters also have an extreme amount of plot utility, Sure, they can't fist-fight a giant bot, but that is not the only way a character can be useful. They have more knowledge on Earth than the bots, so even an unintelligent human has at least a little useful Earth knowledge a cybertronian wouldn't know. Earth is built to cater to humans, and my bots don't have Haloform, so if they need something done only a human can do, then they gotta rely on a human to do it. Humans are also great for disguise, and my bots are trying to stay hidden, getting pulled over and having a human in the driver's seat is way less suspicious than a car driving itself. Humans are small and quiet even compared to small cybertronian, humans joints and internals usually don't make as much noise, along with humans having a much fainter energy signal, making them perfect for stealth and sneaking around. A human might not be able to fight a robot, but if they are mechanically inclined, they could learn how to fix/repair cybertronians. Once you know how to fix cybertronians, you can usually figure out sneaky little ways to break one without needing to be a giant robot (though you still have to risk getting close to one). Humans are immune to some very common cybertronian security systems and weapon types, magnets, EMP devices, malware, and stasis tech, yes, humans are squishy, but you're not gonna kill one with magnets or EMP blast or by trying to give them malware. Also, humans are also just smaller and can fit in more places. Humans are clever creatures, and even though they aren't as strong as a bot, it doesn't mean they can't contribute a lot. Not every plot features human characters, but most do because of both their utility to the plot and the fun dynamics they have with many of the bot characters.

Synergized as a story, both plot structure-wise and thematically, does not work without human characters.

[theshslpumpkinghost]

(Warning for pink blood- If you don’t wanna see that-)

Y’all, what if this- Was David

Because like- I always assumed it was Xander, but- What if it was David-

(if it’s actually him im gonna be so happy with myself-)

But yeah, uh- David is apparently sort of the mc which is cool- Him copying Xander’s sprite is so ahfjwuviwkvodo

DRDT is getting so good rn and Ch2 isn’t even done yet I’m so excited for the next ep-

[hammill-goes-fogwalking]

I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI.

[romanceddawn]

A Night of Quiet Surprises by deevotee| Rating: T

Getting through an unplanned pregnancy is one thing, trying to actually raise a baby without Yugi losing his mind is another. Some days are easier to handle than others, but this one…not so much.

Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Kaiba Seto/Mutou Yuugi, Kaiba Seto, Mutou Yuugi, Trans Mutou Yuugi, Trans Male Character, Kid Fic, Single Parent Mutou Yuugi, Pre-Relationship, Pining, Kaiba not knowing how to function without Yugi, Or how to convey affection, Minor Character Death, Depression, Post-Partum Depression, Yugi's going through it, Angst and Fluff, Post-Canon

Part 1 of Newborns and New Beginnings

[aibouart]

admittedly, i am afraid to talk about this, but have wanted to for a long while. i don't see a lot of people discuss this kind of thing, but i decided to do so for the me who was struggling and didn't know. also i have no idea where i am going with this and it's very late for me rn so here's a whole ass ramble on vent art. and also a bit more on how it's impacting how i view my art, now. i am terribly sorry if it's not very cohesive, my thoughts on it aren't yet cohesive either WOOPS

i wanted to talk a bit about how vent art really impacted my mental health, and how the idea that art needs some kind of meaning to have meaning really has been weighing on me lately (i know this is a concept i am assigning to my work and is not actually the norm/standard expectation of others consuming art. but it IS a sentiment i have seen enough that does impact me).

i want to specify, obviously i am not saying vent art is bad.

nor that doing vent pieces, or vent blogs, will ultimately result in what i went through for a number of years. rather, that this did happen to me, and there is a near impossible chance i am a unique case in any experience i will ever have. if you do vent art and it helps you, that's good! im not judging anyone for anything here. if your experience does not match my own, that's what it's like to be human~. i am not invalidating anyone on purpose by sharing my own experience. sorry for the insane disclaimer but it will eat me alive if i go to sleep thinking "what if they think x cuz i didn't say y and think im a terrible person"

---

i used to do vent art frequently (you won't find much on here as it was uploaded to a personal at the time). anytime i felt down or had a line of dialogue in my head making me feel bad in a way, i would draw for it. but the way i had interacted with it was really unhealthy. it became a terrible feedback loop where i'd feel bad, draw how i felt bad, look at the art, and ruminate even more on how i felt bad, until it spiralled so out of control i would lose touch with reality and get lost entirely in feeling like garbage.

i would just get so lost in the cycle with vent art that it would make my mental space worse and worse, and i would use the vent art as a negative confirmation bias. the words that hurt me i wrote down and anytime i looked again, they would hurt me again. but i would keep looking, and i would keep drawing.

i have always used art as an outlet, but for some reason the way vent art impacted me was unhealthy. it wasn't a good outlet. and it took me years to cut ties with it. i relied on vent art for a long time, but it took a lot of introspection and thinking to realise it wasn't the release i thought it was. and it was hard to let go, too.

i haven't touched the blog in a few months, now. i haven't done much vent art at all since then and genuinely, i've been doing SOOO much better. i no longer ruminate nearly as much as i had done so, i no longer get caught in a feedback loop that lasts for days to weeks. i still feel like garbage like people tend to do, but i don't put myself in a cycle over it anymore. i have gone back to it a few times in moments of desperation, but what used to be every week/every few weeks is now once a month maybe. and not to the extent at all (i would oftentimes post ~20 images in one night, before).

but i keep thinking about how, while the way i had done vent art was bad for my mental health, i keep feeling that just because i do sparkly cute and happy drawings, now, or drawings with no real meaning, that my art has nothing beyond face value... i do like a lot of my vent art. i think their compositions, or hidden messages and meanings, or colour use, was interesting.

but it wasn't worth the price for me.

so i am a bit caught in an in-between, here. my favourite form of art is the expression of love-you liked something so much, you dedicated time to draw it. and yet i cannot ascribe that to my own work very often. i think that man i wish i could make art with some kind of deeper meaning, that speaks to people, that's more than just pretty colours or shiny shading or a character everyone likes, or a character i like. but i just... don't know if it's for me.

ultimately, i could develop a healthy relationship with expressing and exploring negative emotions or experiences through art, but... do i want to? do i have to? do i need to? is it not enough to just draw something because... i like it..?

of course, the answer is yes, draw what you want, draw how you want, it's your art. but i am still trying to come to terms with that idea. i dont want to be seen as some shallow artist who just draws what's cute and pretty because they can and it's all they can think of, but like what if that's just what i like to draw??

in the end, that alone is good enough, drawing because you like to, because it's fun, because you like the thing you're dedicating time to creating for. it's just hard to grapple with after discarding a type of art that i felt was the only way i drew "for real".

anyways i am sorry this is soooo fucking long, and for all the clarifications (IM STILL NOT SAYING VENT ART BAD AND EVERYONE WILL DO WHAT I DID!! Dx) and the fact i had no real point here (probably)

anyways i will continue to draw what i want because i like to, as i have always been.

[dailydemonspotlight]

Camazotz - Day 63

Race: Raptor

ATMA Avatar of Bat

Alignment: Dark-Law

July 3rd, 2024

I've been playing Digital Devil Saga lately, and combined with my erratic mood swings, what else would be more fitting for today's DDS than a blood-draining bat who leaves those in its wake feeling hollow? This also marks the second demon in a row to originate from South American mythology, though this one is its own can of worms- or, maybe, bucket of blood...? No, that's stupid. Regardless, though, today's Demon of the Day is a curious fellow originating from very specific Mayan cults, and a personal favorite of mine- Guatemala's own lord of the night, patron of giant vampire bats, and a terrifying blood-sucking deity, Camazotz!

A lot relating to Camazotz is hard to dig into, let alone digest- purportedly worshipped as a central deity in ancient Mayan culture, this great-winged bat appears scantly, yet its influence cannot go understated. This is made even more confusing by evident conflation between Camazotz and a completely different concept, that of 'The Camazotz,' a race of giant bats found in the underworld in the Polpol Vuh, a chronicle going into the creation myth of humanity itself in Mayan mythology. As is purported in it, the Camazotz weren't actually a single, unified deity, and instead were an entire separate race of giant bats found in the Mayan afterlife, known as Xibalba.

People also often purport that this race may have been a mythological explanation for the extinct, but then-present giant race of vampire bats called Desmodus draculae. This, of course, makes things a mite more complicated- the death bat may have been conflated with recollections regarding a completely separate bat god that is left unnamed, as there is evidence of worship to a single, unified bat deity in ancient Mayan culture. Camazotz itself is also purported as being a single, great bat spirit in the underworld, not quite a god but still immensely powerful in its own right. And, well, let's get into that.

The main appearance of the Camazotz comes in the Polpol Vuh, as is to be expected, and they have quite an interesting role- in one of the trials the two protagonists, Hunahpu and Xbalanque, have to survive during their expedition into Xibalba, they're challenged with staying the night in Zotzilaha- the House of Bats. The legend tells of how they had hid away within their blowguns to last the night, but eventually, perturbed by the lack of the wings flapping from the bats outside, one of the brothers dared to stick his head out. This is when Camazotz, who was watching, striked. In an instant, the brother was decapitated, and his head used as a ball for the deities to use in their next ballgame. As morbidly hilarious as this story is, it does give us some insight into Camazotz's role- as a spirit of the night, he clearly showed both trickery and strength.

Of course, this origin is hard to pinpoint, and I'm honestly unsure as to if there was a single Camazotz or an entire race of them who were attacking the brothers, as a lot of things surrounding this great vampire bat are frustratingly murky. Of course, as it comes down to a lot of the time with these demon spotlights, a lot is left up in the air due to the loss of primary sources through history, but with the connection to the long-dead Desmodus draculae species of vampire bats, it's possible to come to several interesting conclusions. There are even beliefs that the traditional blood sacrifices that the Mayans were known for were partly inspired by Camazotz, but that's a rabbit hole I'll leave you to dig into.

Now, as for how Camazotz is depicted in the series, the design has grown on me a lot. While originally seeming to just be a giant bat with sickles, the strange, wrapping hands, the ornaments, and the skulls all paint it in a uniquely Mayan light that I'm really quite fond of. Of course, it also appears in Digital Devil Saga, but frankly I'm not quite sure what to make of a lot of ATMA avatars, and Camazotz is no real exception. As much as I love DDS, the avatars definitely need to grow on me a bit more for me to really appreciate them.

Overall, though, the design works wonders, and I really do enjoy it. Too bad the sprite compression in SMT IV makes it almost completely incomprehensible, but... well, alas, that's what happens to games on the 3DS.

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

Every bookbinding tutorial i found online: "DO NOT TRY THE COPTIC STITCH AS A BEGINNER ITS TOO ADVANCED"

Me who has only bound one book before and used a completely different method: "ehh it can't be that hard"

2 hours later

.....I was right. Its not that hard.

[ghost-bard]

Im literally shaking someone get them brown contacts

[gingerbreadmonsters]

6k in and my head is about to explode. STILL not allowed to say what i want :(

[illiterate-goblins]

Tips for my transfemme siblings <3

I've been transitioning for the past 4 years and in that time I've picked up a lot of tips and tricks that I didn't see many other people talking about. So, let me pass along a little bit of the wisdom that's helped me pass to the rest of you all. This is going to be a long post, so brace yourself :)

DISCLAIMER: These are things that I have found personal success with. All people are different, and not all advice is going to be perfect for everyone. Also important to note, this advice is coming from a white person who is ABSOLUTELY not makeup expert. I have specifically made notes below where my advice and recommendations may not be the best / most accurate for people of color. With that said, much of the advice should still be applicable to most people - POC or not.

A lot of the transfemme makeup tutorials I found early on were based in drag. I didn't like the sheer amount of products that were being pushed as *necessary* and had heavy looking final results. Over the past few years I've found a more minimal (and affordable) routine that gives passing results. My daily makeup routine only consists of four products: Concealer, Translucent setting power, blush, and eyeliner. Let's go through each of those.

TOOLS - You're going to want to get a set of brushes. You can find affordable sets online or in stores. I got a set of E.L.F. brushes and they've held up excellently the past 4 years. - Don't buy beauty blenders. Beauty blenders aren't going to be the best tool for us because of our skin texture. Skin that grows facial hair is more textures than skin that doesn't. Applying makeup to textured skin with a beauty blender won't look as good for as long. - The rest of the supplies I use will be listed in their respective sections. You really don't need a ton of tools or supplies, especially as a beginner. Stone rollers, face masks, serums, scrubs.... They're nice extras if you can afford them, but they're not essentials

CONCEALER - I use R.E.M. Beauty Sweetener concealer ($24). It comes in a small pot and will require a brush for application. This concealer comes in a wide array of colors (60, to be specific), provides high coverage, and doesn't look cake-y. - Cream concealer has worked better for me compared to liquid concealers. You get more control on the amount you're using and it should last you a good few months. REMEMBER, a little goes a long way! You don't need to lay it on super heavy. - I apply this just over the areas where I have facial hair shadow. Stipple the concealer on freshly shaven skin and blend those edges out until there's no visible edge. - Using a brush is crucial for trans femmes, especially when going over facial hair shadow. As I said above, the skin that grows facial hair is rougher and more textured, using a brush to stipple on the makeup will get it into the pores. - The concealer I've recommended is great because it can be built up in multiple layers if needed. R.E.M. Beauty is also cruelty free and vegan, if those factors are important to you.

SETTING POWER - I use a L'oreal Hydra Perfecte loose setting powder. Unfortunately, this product has been discontinued. - A great affordable / drug store option is E.L.F.'s High Definition Powder. It's only $6, comes in a sheer option for light skin tones and "soft luminescence" for some darker skin tones. - I don't know what kinds of setting powders will work best on dark skin tones. Light setting powders like this can (I think) leave an ashy finish on darker skins. - I prefer using loose powder, but that's mostly because just what I have experience with. They tend to have a more sheer and transparent finish compared to pressed powders. - Tap out a small amount into the lid of your powder and press it into your skin lightly instead of spreading it across your face. - You will want to use a setting powder on top of every layer of liquid or cream makeup. This will set the makeup and prevent it from smudging as easily and mixing with another liquid / cream product. (if you're applying a second layer of concealer, like I mentioned above, powder in between layers). - Setting powder, in addition to keeping makeup from mixing and spreading, gives the skin a matte finish. This will help hide the textured portions of your skin. - If you want a dewy finish you can add a setting spray at the very end. This will give your skin a little bit of shine without drawing attention to your textured sections.

BLUSH - I use Revolution Beauty Blusher Reloaded ($6). This one pan has lasted me four years and has approximately ten years left. (Seriously, I use this almost every day and the pan hardly looks used). - Blush is a very important step because it brings color and warmth back to your face. - There are two main methods I use when I apply blush: Dramatic and Classic - Dramatic: Place blush from cheek to cheer and across the nose. - Classic: Place blush on the apples of you cheeks (the part that rises up when you smile) - If you apply the blush too heavily just go over it with your bare powder brush. This will reduce the color and blend the edges. - I've found that you can get away with a heavier blush if you're going with the dramatic method (hence the name). Classic blush looks best when it's applied fairly subtly. However, it's still possible to go too heavy with the dramatic style.

EYELINER - The ONLY eyeliner I use is the NYX Epic Ink Liner ($10). - There are three main kinds of eyeliner: Pencils, Pots, and Liquids. - Pencils: Like the name suggests, they're basically really really soft pencils. These are great if you want to blend out and get a smokey look, but aren't great for crisp bold lines. - Pots: This style of eyeliner comes in a pot and requires a specific brush to apply. If you buy a set of brushes, you should be set. This kind of eyeliner is more versatile, able to be blended into a smokey eyeliner AND able to give crisp lines. However, I've found that it's got a steeper learning curve. - Liquid: This style is the best way to get clean lines and sharp wings. Liquid liners usually come in a bottle with a nail polish looking brush, which definitely also have a learning curve. But, that's where my favorite eyeliner comes in! - The Epic Ink Liner is essentially a brush pen. With a pencil form factor and an always sharp brush tip, you will get easy to control lines with just a little bit of practice. - This is my everyday method of applying eyeliner: 1) Start in the outer corner of your eye and extend the angle your lower lid makes. (You can make this wing as big as you'd like, but I would suggest beginners start with a relatively smaller wing (1cm or shorter). Repeat on the other eye. 2) Place the tip of the brush at the peak of that line and draw over in a straight line until you hit your lashes. Close your eyes slightly so the crease of your eye doesn't effect this line. Repeat on the other eye. 3) Move to the inner corner of your eye and apply an even line along the rest of the eyelid. Take a moment to soften the transition between this line and the straight line from the previous step. Repeat with the other eye. 4) Fill in any empty spaces - By doing each step on both eyes before moving on to the next step will help your eyeliner to look more symmetrical. Plus, if the angles aren't matching, it's much easier to remove one line rather than an entirely finish eye. - One additional step you can add is extending the line in the inner corner of your eye just a little bit. Follow the curve you made and don't go down too far. - NOTE: This is my method for non hooded eyes. Because hooded eyes are an entirely different shape, I don't know the best method to add eyeliner.

HIGHLIGHTER - I use Colorpop Super Shock Cheek highlighter ($9). As the name suggests, this is a SUPER highlighter. - I don't wear highlighter every day. It's a fun addition, but I don't find it necessary for days I'm just running errands or going grocery shopping. I reserve it for concerts, dates, or any other event where I want to look extra cute. - The main places to add highlighter are the top edge of your cheek bones, the inner corner of your eyes, the outer edge right below your eyebrows, and down the bridge of your nose and onto the tip. - Since this isn't going on any skin that grows facial hair, you don't need to use a brush. I use my ring finger to apply the highlighter, wipe off the excess, then gently blend the edges with my ring finger again - Blending your highlighter doesn't need to be taken that seriously. Just softening the edges is enough 99% of the time. If you think you applied the highlighter too heavily you can take your powder brush and hit those spots and little. Just like with the blush, this should tone down the pop a bit

FOUNDATION - I don't use foundation anymore. I prefer a minimal face of makeup, letting the natural variations in color and imperfections show. However, wanting a smooth and consistent color all over your face is perfectly valid, too <3 - If you are going to use foundation, you will want to apply concealer first. The concealer is going to do the heavy lifting for hiding your facial hair shadow. - When choosing a concealer to put underneath foundation, many people will say to pick a color that's a shade lighter than your skin. That advice is aimed towards people who primarily conceal their under eye bags, and the lighter color helps the eyes look more awake. If you're getting just one concealer, pick the closest match to your skin tone. - I highly recommend choosing a powder foundation. Powder products, as I said before, give the face a matte finish that hides the textured skin better. Unfortunately, powder foundations are less common and typically more expensive ($30+) - If you already have liquid foundation and don't want to waste it, apply it like you did with the concealer: take a small amount and dab it into the skin with a brush. - The order I would apply this makeup in is: Concealer -> Setting Powder -> Powder Foundation // Concealer -> Setting Powder -> Liquid / Cream Foundation -> Setting Powder. Not everyone agrees on which should come first, concealer or foundation, but I found that concealer first looked better, especially with powder foundations.

COLOR CORRECTOR - You might notice that no matter how high coverage your concealer or foundation are, there's still some noticeable discoloration over your facial hair shadow. This is down to color theory: your shadow is producing a different undertone than non shadowed skin. To cancel that out you need to cover it with its complementary color. There are generally 3 different tones that shadow comes in. - Brown tones: typically found in light to medium tan skin tones. This is covered by pink and salmon tones. The deeper your skin tone, the darker you'll want to go. - Blue/green tones: Typically found in olive skin tones. This is covered by peach and orange tones. Again, the deeper your skin tone, the darker you'll want to go. - Blue/grey tones: Typically found on dark skin tones. This is covered by orange tones. Medium dark skin will want a lighter orange, darker tones will want a more true orange. - DO NOT APPLY COLOR CORRECTOR HEAVILY!!! The heavier you apply the color corrector the more concealer / foundation you'll have to apply to cover it up. You only need the smallest amount to counteract the undertones that will show through your concealer / foundation. - Color corrector is also used to hide other skin tone variations like under eye bags or acne. Under eye bags are usually blue, so use a peachy CC on them. Acne is canceled out by green. - I have seen so many tutorials that recommend using lipstick as your color corrector. Don't do this. Lipstick is generally going to be more oily and prone to melting / smudging. Specially formulated color correctors will stay put much better.

MISC. OTHER PRODUCTS - Primers - A primer can be a good addition to your routine, but they're not strictly necessary for everyone. Primers can be used to give your full face of makeup a better initial layer to stick to, and there are some designed to fill in your pores (something you may want if your shadowed areas are more textured than you'd like after after concealer (and foundation if you use it). I'd say skip it on your first trip to the makeup aisle, but pick it up later on if you'd like. - Eye shadow - Eye shadow can be really fun! It adds extra color to your face and can really accentuate your eye color. It can be a fun addition to tie in with accent colors in your outfit. I just personally don't like the time and effort needed to get good looking eye shadow most days. And, because I don't do it much, I'm not that great with it. Luckily, it is absolutely not needed for an every day look. - Lipstick - I'm an anxious lip biter, so lipsticks don't always last very long on me. I do, however, LOVE one specific lipstick: Maybelline's Super Stay Matte Liquid Lipstick ($11). Once this bad boy dries you're going to have that color on all day. I like the look of matte lipsticks, but if you want a glossy finish you can add a lip gloss once it dries. This liquid lipstick is pretty east to apply, just try to keep a steady hand and work your way to the outer edges of your lips. Letting it air dry will take a little longer, but ends up looking better removing the excess with a napkin (no paper bits will get stuck to your lips). Just be prepared to scrub this off your lips at the end of the day. -NOTE: I don't like recommending people buy from Maybelline since they aren't cruelty free. This is the only product of theirs that I haven't been able to find a suitable alternative that works even a fraction as well. Luckily, one tube of lipstick lasts a long time, and since it stays on so well you won't have to be reapplying multiple times a day -Contour - Contour can be your friend, or it can be your worst enemy. This is one of the more difficult products to apply if you're going for a natural look. Most times that I've personally tried contouring it ends up way too dark. Subtlety is your best friend with contour. I would also suggest sticking to a powder contour pallet to start, liquid contours are much tougher.

SKIN CARE -Okay I am the WORST person to talk about skin care, I neglect doing it so often. With that said... - Don't buy in to beauty youtubers and their 12 step skincare routines. They're super expensive, have so many overlapping products, and I have never met a single person who has the time or commitment to stick to that intense of a routine daily. - Bare minimum: Get makeup remover wipes and take your makeup off every night. Since we are specifically trying to fill our pores we NEED to make sure we take the makeup off. Clogged pores lead to acne outbreaks and ingrown hairs. Eye makeup, if left on, can lead to developing styes, which are painful, annoying, and can grow into a serious issue if not dealt with. Cheap walmart branded wipes will do the job, but they aren't the best. I really like Neutrogena's makeup remover wipes ($5). - If you do develop a stye you'll want to give it a hot compress once or twice a day. Soak a towel or wash cloth, wring it mostly out, pop it in the microwave for 20-30 seconds, and apply to the affected eye. This is opening that pore and letting it breathe. After a few days - a week it should be fixed. DO NOT TRY TO POP A STYE!!!! Styes are clogged pored that have developed an infection, if the puss from the infection gets out it can cause more styes. - If you want a better routine than just makeup wipes, here's my 3 step process (that I don't do nearly as often as I should): Simple Foaming Cleanser (now discontinued :( ) to remove your makeup -> CeraVe Hydrating Facial Cleanser ($15) to clean your face once the makeup is off -> Simple Replenishing Rich Moisturizer ($7) to keep the skin hydrated and soft. There is a bit of overlap here, and if you're on a tight budget I would just go for the CeraVe cleanser. - If you're a lazy bitch like I am, just use makeup wipes at the end of the day and keep your face wash in the shower and do that whenever you shower.

Shaving -If you want the closest possible shave or all day smoothness, you won't find a better answer than a 5 blade razor (or a straight razor but those have a steeper learning curve). DON'T DRY SHAVE WITH THIS KIND OF RAZOR!!! You've got to have something lubricating the skin or else you're going to end up with razor burn and irritated skin. Putting makeup on top of razor burn hurts and isn't good for the healing process - I don't like the time and hassle that a standard razor requires, so I shave every day with the Philips One Blade (~$40). This gives an incredibly smooth shave that lasts almost all day (at least with the rate my facial hair grows). The head replacements are a bit on the pricey side (a 3 pack is usually on sale for ~$30), but one head will last you around 3 months. The face will wear down and show an image when it's time to replace it, but I find you can typically get a good shave out of it for a while after. - They make a variant of the razor with a stronger motor that's designed for body hair, but I've have great results with the standard one. If you have thicker / coarser body hair the upgraded motor model might be the one you want to go for (it should work perfectly fine on facial hair, too). - They have also recently released special heads for "intimate" areas but that's another thing I think you can probably pass on. I just snap on the #1 guard and shave my pubic area down. It's not a perfectly smooth shave (and I don't recommend using the bare razor head on your pubic region unless you're EXTREMELY careful and/or don't mind the occasional small cut), but I find that it's more than good enough for me. That length actually bypasses the itchy phase of your pubes growing back in after a day or two (for me, at least)). And... I think that's everything! Those are all the makeup and beauty related products and processes that I can think of. Again, I'd like to reiterate that this is all stuff that has worked for me specifically, and it's information I ended up learning the hard way. I spent several months walking around with orange tinted skin so you don't have to. If you have any questions about anything please feel free to ask in the replies or you can DM me. And, if you have any extra tips that I didn't mention, or if you have tips for darker skin tones / hooded eyes / other non-white features, please add them! Our POC siblings deserve love and support too!

[fadewalking]

I did it. I finally beat this game.