#its a licensing thing i think
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ROUGH CUTT'S ALBUMS REMOVED FROM SPOTIFY?? MY DISAPPOINTMENT IS IMMEASURABLE AND MY LIFE IS RUINED
#SPOTIFY PUT THAT THING BACK WHERE IT CAME FROM OR SO HELP ME#DONT THEY KNOW THAT MY ENTIRE PSYCHOLOGICAL WELLBEING IS COMPLETELY DEPENDENT ON BEING ABLE TO LISTEN TO PAUL SHORTINO AT WILL#what am i supposed to do??#go listen to everything else hes ever sung ever???#(i already do that)#in reality i will be purchasing the CDs and hoping spotify puts them back#its a licensing thing i think#but like#OUGH#today has been chock full of things to bitch and moan about but im done now#oh and fuck streaming and long live physical media#😭#rough cutt my beloved <3#just r's thoughts#r's sick beats
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this just in: danny fenton is just as much of a mask as Brucie Wayne? - another danyal al ghul au
Turns out, being placed in a civilian family who have no knowledge of your background is actually detrimental to the health and development of a child assassin due to lack of proper support! Surrounded by strangers in a foreign city, Danyal Al Ghul does as assassins do best. He hides. Espionage is one of many teachings one learns in the League, and it only takes half a day for Danyal to construct a new persona to hide behind: Daniel Fenton.
By the time dinner rolls around, Danyal al Ghul is safely and securely tucked behind the face of Danny Fenton; brand new adoptive child of the Fenton family who came from overseas. A shy, quiet little boy with a thick accent and curly hair, with brown skin and blue eyes, and an avid interest in the stars. The best fictions are always cobbled together in a little bit of truth, it's some of the only truth he ever lets through. He apologizes in a meek voice for his behavior early, he didn't mean to be rude, and he watches the three of them eat it up with coos.
Lies roll like silk against his lips, he struggles to meet their eyes and offers them his weakest, shyest smile. It's too easy. It's easy to go from there.
Danny Fenton, adoptive son, shy and awkward and unconfident but friendly. Who struggles in his classes and isn't the brightest, but tries his hardest. He makes bad jokes and has a quick tongue and a sarcastic mouth. He wants to be an astronaut. He's got the best aim in school, and is a terrifying dodgeball player. He's one of the least athletic kids in his grade.
It's like playing two truths and a lie, but there's only one truth, and the rest are lies. It's easy to pretend when he knows it's insincere.
Danyal Al Ghul, grandson to the Demon Head. Deadly, trained assassin. Has spilled blood, has had blood spilt from. Environmentalist, animal activist. He loves the stars. He owns a calligraphy set. A sharp tongue, an even sharper blade. He's clever, quick-witted, he would be top of his grade if he tried harder. He purposely doesn't.
He misses his family. He misses his mother, and he misses his brother. Mother visits a few times a year, so few times that he can count it on both hands. He cherishes every visit, as brief as they are. It helps remind him who he is.
Sam and Tucker are Danny's best friends. They've never met Danyal, but Danyal's met them.
It becomes routine to become Danny Fenton. As familiar and as easy as pulling on a shirt in the morning. Danyal wakes up and is always first to the bathroom in the mornings; stares at himself in the mirror until he can finally see Danny staring back at him. At night, he locks his door and sheds the mask.
Dying throws a wrench in his mask; splits a crack straight through the porcelain. He's able to smooth it over with sandpaper and liquid gold, but it's a little hard keeping his ghost form under wraps. It instinctively wants to shift to show his true self. Danyal can't have that, he's spent four years as Danny Fenton, he'll spend another four as him as well. Even if the feeling of the hazmat suit in his ghost form feels restrictive, like a too-small shirt suctioned to his skin that needs to be peeled off.
He'll live. Er-- well, you know what he means. It's frustrating however, trying to keep his Danny Fenton mask up even as Phantom - fighting in the air is something he needs to get used to, and the sudden propping of powers throws him off. But he is nothing if not adaptive, and he hates that he needs to slow his own skills down in order to keep pretenses up in front of Sam and Tucker.
The first time Danyal summons a sword when he's alone, is one of the few times Danyal gets to grin instead of Danny. He's fighting Skulker, and from an invisible hilt he draws a katana from thin air. It startles them both. Skulker takes a step back at the smile that spreads across his face.
They're both silent as Danyal examines his new sword.
"Do you know what people like me do to people like you, poacher?" Danyal finally asks him, the accent he began to hide a few months in slipping through. He drops all pretense, dragging the flat end of the blade slow and appreciatively against his palm. It's a good make, and when he cuts it through the air, it slices through like butter. He looks up at Skulker with a smile; "are you ready to find out?"
When Sam and Tucker ask about why Skulker seems so skittish around Danny now, Danny shrugs at them and says with a playful smile; "I don't know, I guess I kicked his butt too hard after our last fight." and he watches as Sam rolls her eyes exasperatedly, and Tucker snickers with his own joke.
By the time he reunites with Damian before their 15th birthday, Danyal is buried beneath so many layers of Danny Fenton that his brother will need a shovel to dig him out. He's not sure what he'll find.
#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc crossover#danyal al ghul au#danyal al ghul#dpxdc prompt#dpxdc au#dc x dp crossover#dp crossover#demon twins au#so turns out putting an assassin child in a normal family does not actually fix the child. it may just make them worse. had this thought#today and had to extrapolate. i have a whole ass post in my drafts explaining my idea for this lmao. my thought was basically:#'damian would be the better off twin because he'd have actual proper support compared to danny bc the bats know damian's background and +#+ as a result can actually address the league's teachings properly and help him dismantle the lessons that have been ingrained in him +#+ as compared to danny who would be with a random family - regardless of affiliation - who would only be able to help with surface level +#stuff if danny even ever lets them see that. danny would need to dismantle his own mindset on his own if he even thinks he has to.'#jazz is not a reliable or licensed therapist. that is a child. she's not even implied to be a good one. psychoanalyzing people doesn't make#you a good therapist. it just means you can psychoanalzye people. and therapy only works on those who think they need it. danny would not#think he'd need it and any attempts from jazz to psychoanalyze him would just result in him shutting her out and doubling down on his belie#tldr: starry made another au exploring the psychological effects of growing up in the league and he calls it:#'whose the more adjusted twin? Damian or Danny? Lmao Damian ofc. Danny got screwed over'#rip to damian you have your work cut out for you trying to peel back all of your brother's protective layers. that's an iceberg waiting to#be explored. o7 to you champ your brother got the short end of the stick. danny has so many things to unlearn that i didn't go into here#its an actual demon twins au too! would ya look at that.
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One thing I love about Hayward in s1 is ya, sure, he's a cop. But most notably, he's not even a good cop.
Hear me out. This isn't saying Hayward does not have the intuition one would associate with your typical, glorified cop from tv shows (in chapter 40, Hayward is absolutely right in that he immediately figured Carpenter out the moment he spotted her in Marcel's Crossing) and other instances, like chapter 43, shows that he has good reflexes for moments under fire (is the first to notice Brother Philly and co. at the door and pushes Carpenter out of the way). Not to mention that Hayward was on the force since he was 19, and to survive on the force for that long means he surely had plenty of solved cases under his belt, regardless if pressure has slowly built up by the time we're introduced to him.
No, when I say he's not even a good cop I mean in the sense of: he's not good at what cops actually do.
One of the very first things Felix reminds him is to not "forget his gun this time." Implying that this has happened before, enough times for Felix to sound audibly tired about it (and he does have to go back for his gun at least two times in season 1). When Mr. Finch points a gun at him, he sits on the ground for a conversation. When asked, Hayward is confused as to why Daggler would need a knife when they find Carpenter and Faulkner's abandoned car, the thought of slashing the tires never even crossing his mind. And instead of immediately taking her into custody with no warrant whatsoever aside for his hunch, he sits down with Carpenter for an amicable conversation and a meal; only later showing his hand long enough to warn her that he's a cop and he's on to her. He's a cop and he has the Stink on him; because s1 Hayward is a bad cop. Because he does not immediately resort to violence.
(And this isn't to dismiss his role as a cop entirely, something we're never fully privy to; chapter 3 alone shows us how his mere position as a cop was enough to cause a death that could have easily been avoided, because that role prevented Hayward from providing Mr. Finch with the actual help he needed.)
Daggler is such a ridiculous, exaggerated character but he's also the picture perfect cop. The Lieutenant-Colonel sends Daggler of all people, when they think Hayward can't solve the case. And, look, we don't really know what Daggler's position on the force is compared to Hayward, but he's clearly trusted enough to be sent, to be the exception to personal gods and keep a rhetorical god. Clearly trusted enough to close the case efficiently. Yes, Daggler is utterly ridiculous when put next to Hayward but that's because Hayward is a bad cop. Daggler is the ideal: he gets results quickly (by losing patience and immediately assaulting the bookseller), he takes perps to court and wins (with the use of The Coiling Speaks, not a liar's god btw), and he knows how to tell a compelling story (because of course Carpenter tried to attack Hayward. And of course the Good Cop shot and killed the Heretic to Protect His Partner). Good publicity all around.
S1 Hayward shows that there is no "good cop;" because being "good" is antithetical to what's expected of cops. There was no way he could continue being good and being a cop, it's why the Stink was beginning to creep up on him. "You're one of them nice coppers." says Mr. Finch. Nice. Not good. Because so-called good cops are probably the first to get sacrificed; because these institutions are not built with morality in mind.
#the silt verses#nothing to say here just i love tsv's world building#sorry i love going back to s1 and hearing sounds of footsteps coming back to the car. don't forget your gun hayward#james hayward#constantly thinking how in ep 3 after mr finch dies and hayward is leaving the place#he mentions how if the police can't find a solution for the problem they'll probably go with the rabbits#literally the thing mr finch was doing to satiate its hunger#the exact same solution and for what#also thinking how daggler had so many cases and complaints against him#but is obviously still on the force and his personal god is licensed by his station#and any cops that complain about him find themselves in trouble#obviously getting the preferential treatment#purposefully saying hayward is a bad cop instead of saying he's bad at his job btw
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have now been trying to speedrun mastering driving and its not working because on the off chance that i DO want to go somewhere (rare) then it's never worth Actually Driving to get there.
I've been wanting to go to the mall for 2 days bc i wanna look around, and its like you'd BE DRIVING just to go somewhere and walk around for a bit and maybe spend money? And then have to drive back? For that? For walking around and spending money? I'm good, I'll just stay home. The desire to go out immediately killed by the reality of having to drive there
(this user has had his driver's license for 7 years)
#its not even about it being difficult its just mentally exhausting#i really had to force myself to drive 5 minutes away to get a snack 2 weeks ago#and its not bc the drive there is Hard its bc why would i do all that just do get an ice cream brownie. i enjoyed it but it doesnt#seem Worth it#like regardless of the drive time or reason for driving#its the ''we have food at home'' equivalent of. idk. having experiences#talkys#i have to add the drivers license part now bc ppl keep thinking i dont have it...i do i just never had a car until 2 yrs ago 😭#sometimes i feel that thing where its like. you lose the desire to go bc its not as simple as ''get in car -> drive'' it feels more like#get up get dressed get keys enter car turn on car buckle up leave driveway drive to location#which makes it exhausting but thats not the case rn specifically like i do wanna go i can manage to get dressed. but it just doesnt feel#worth all the trouble#but also nothing would make it worth all the trouble#not worth it to get a snack not worth it to go walk around not worth it even if it was a 2hr drive to see someone. its simply not worth it
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#do you guys ever think about how yosuke is always the one that proposes their outings#yu is the catalyst that brings them together but yosuke is the glue that helps hold them there#thinking about his shadow's comment about how yosuke needs to surround himself with as many people as possible to stave off the loneliness#and to a large extent it kind of still holds true here (and theres nothing wrong with that!) and not only does yu know that#yu doesnt judge him or tease him for it. and like for all the things that yu (or anybody else) teases him about#THAT is not it#Yukiko calls him well connected and friendly aaaaah i cannot get that out of my head ever#and it's also in how his proposals are received by the others - everyone else is always genuinely excited to participate in it#like the motorcycle license and the beach holiday is all your friends can talk about for the days after that#i think its one of those things that imo really add to that... very organic friendship dynamic that the IT have compared to the SEES#or even the PT to some extent#(listen i love the PT dont get me wrong but the IT just have a Something to them) (and i think a lot of it is driven by Yosuke)#his friends rib and tease him because hes so bullyable but they are always always so willing to jump in when he suggests something aaaaaah#and he knows this!! he may not have realised it at first but he does eventually!!!#yosuke truly my beloved my absolute number one love
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sanji trying to seduce zoro so zoro will marry him bc luffy bullied marines into forging papers that say sanji was legally adopted into his family, and sanji wants to be MONKEY SANJI on wanted posters almost less than he wants to be VINSMOKE SANJI. and robin already said she wouldn't marry him.
#she also said don't bother asking franky and it was nawt a request#luffy offering to marry sanji is so funny too at first hes like thats sweet thank you but then luffy is serious and he realises the name#and hes like no. no ill kill you i cant talk to women if they think my name is monkey sanji ill kill ME#zoros like. man youre fucking stupid as fuck. just have them put your epithet on it like every other cool pirate. loser.#the wanted poster thing is really funny to me bc fr how do they fix it. its not like they can put a name change request in ahduwhxksn#funniest zosan au of this scenario is they get married and excitedly await the next wanted posters and it still says vinsmoke#like. why on earth would your enemies the marines gaf if you changed your name.#as if your MORTAL enemy the world govt is gonna process a marriage license or a name change either
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v theee [boring car selling in nc details] theee to junk ur car the company wanted me to go ahead and sign the title and leave the buyer info blank which is having an open title (bc if u drop it on the way to sell ur car anyone can pick it up and fill in their info and own ur car) and is like. STUPID illegal in nc. like people still do it esp in just third party-to-third party sales. and junker services do it so if they can sell the car again they dont have to deal with two transactions of paperwork and fees [<- which is why its illegal so nc can capture those fees]. but like. they shouldnt be able to tell me on their publically available site that they want me to break nc law
and also nc law wants me to get that title notarized which because of open titles being illegal. most notaries wont notarize u if the buyer isnt also there filling in their info.
most notaries are also. either like banks or other m-f 9-5 type businesses. or just some random person in their house. and random person in their house is more likely to break the law for me but i dont want to ask some random person to break the law for me
(the dmv will also notarize and anecdotally from reddit some of them totally will just shrug and let u do it with only you the seller/you the buyer there instead of needing both but thats arbitrary depends on getting someone who doesnt care lol)
AND also. even if im selling to a person not trying to get me to break the law just buying my car regular. and i work m-f 9-5 or we both work hours where theres no way to get us both in the same place and certainly not a bank or a dmv except like, sunday evening, when no banks or dmvs are open.
do we just go fuck ourselves????????? like what do they want. they want me to die?????? i think my government wants me to die and sterilize myself
#i think my government wants me to go fuck myself and die in a fire kjhskjfgj#^ also theres a whole thing ive been separately running into w me and my roomie and my coworker all having Encounters w the dmv#and learning how theyve gutted that department bad styles since the last time any of us had to interact with that for license/title shit#like christ theres just no way to get INTO those places anymore. cuz they understaff and staff with only temp workers and then run#those temp workers badly. theres just no way to get in to get your license/renew it anymore without camping out on the site#every day to snipe an open appointment in a town an hour away three months from now (as far out as theyll book you)#or camping out in your actual building at 6 am and hoping they can maybe get to you as a walk-in at some point that day and probably not#bc 50 other ppl had the same idea. so have fun doing that for a week#and its like WOW I WONDER IF ANY OF THESE CHANGES HAPPENED AFTER THEY STARTED REQUIRING PHOTO ID TO VOTE#THAT IT SUDDENLY BECAME IMPOSSIBLE TO GET PHOTO ID. bc dmv also handles the non-drivers license version too im p sure
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how did i miss something so big im questioning whether it's even officially licensed or not
#i mean it's just one thing but like. it's so readily available on amazon and even walmart like huh#i need to make a specific tag for the merch journey cuz whenever i want to find the merch post i go to my merch tag#and its filled with me just going ??? as i find things#but things Keep Happening#okay you know what i think i DID find this before and decide it's unofficial#but. i think it might be official#literally how do i determine this without buying it because of course they don't just Say officially licensed#that would be too easy#merch
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idk who needs to hear this, but if it hasnt already been done i want to clear up some things
Fashion Dreamer is not Style Savvy. BUT. It’s created by Syn Sophia, just like Style Savvy was. So, if you’re still holding out for a title that’s specifically called Style Savvy it’s time to give up, because it’s very safe to assume that Fashion Dreamer is meant to be Style Savvy’s spiritual successor. This may be due to influencers and other internet personalities being way more popular than wanting to run a store among children these days.
so… yea. ^_^
#style savvy#fashion dreamer#its even called Fashion Dreamer in japanese and not Girls Mode so its not a licensing issue or anything#its just an entire new game#im worried about the gameplay#but im assuming itll be like style savvy where you help ppl w fashion dilemmas#but instead of selling them clothes#they ask you for advice because youre trusted in the fashion community#and you pick out clothes for them there#and then as an influencer you also get to model#and maybe collab w companies to design clothes?#and like. Idk. Debut as an idol??#idk. I think they can still keep a lot of the old gameplay intact this way#theres games where you can model and games where you do hair and games where you do makeup#and games where you run boutiques#but style savvy was the only game that had all of these in one package PLUS a super cute style#and good skin tone options!!!!#and thats what makes it special to me#and now you can be a BOY…. and a GOOD LOOKING BOY!! The boys in the old games were SCUFFED. Except dominic. Dominic was cute#so the only thing im sad abt is i was hoping maybe you could choose from 3 different body types#maybe next console…#cici
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some short felix stuff. also price is there for a second
#red vs blue#rvb#aiden price#price#felix#*24#mine#video#i dont think these are as good as the other one but i REALLY like the felix's eye shift thing i did so. im posting it#i dont get to draw price like ever. which is a shame cuz i love that guy. even if he was a manipulative pos ''counsellor'' who ruined live#so was hannibal!! at least price doesnt eat ppl you know. he just lets them be taken over by an ai and abuses his position to test his#''patients''. free my mans! also im putting quotes on all that bc (i think ive said this before) its a genuine fucking miracle if he has a#license. like post-pfl it def got revoked but UNSC's vetting process or the state of the intragalactic psych licensing sucks ass. idk which#it is! or if its a third options where price just didnt have a license/it got revoked way before pfl and there's just a small disclaimer of#''this is not medical advice im not a licensed professional'' hidden in his resume that no one ever read theyre just. yeah hes got a phd!#idk enough abt halo lore to know which one it is but considering the spartan program i wouldnt be surprised if their ethics board is just a#money-laundering front or smth. if they even HAVE one. ok im rambling i'll stop
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I cannot rely on one person for me to be happy my happiness isn't allowed to be only triggered by one person I can be happy at every little thing it doesn't matter about this one person
#im in too far fucking deep again#and when he leaves again its gonna hurt just as much. but more.#finch posts#he makes me happy beyond belief and i goddamn love having a friend who knows me inside out and has done for so long#but. your love is my drug by kesha comes to mind. its fucking intoxicating talking to him#and last time he left (we were 12 and his parents moved their family) it made me kinda depressed and i was so fucking needy to talk to him#and now we're three and a half months into rekindling the friendship and i feel the same like i get really sad already >#>if i just dont talk to him for a couple of days without like a trip or friends or smthn else to entertain me#songs are starting to remind me of him#fuck fuck fuck#1am in the morning makes me too honrst#i think im still a bit (a lot) in love with them#ohmygod i dont even think it i know it#i should go to sleep earlier#it would stop me having so many thoughts#i havent seen him in multiple years but i can still imagine kissing him#oh fucking hell fuck my actual whole fucking life#and his closest friend where he lives now well they were starting to be a bit of a thing and surely its not fucking normal>#>to daydream about kissing a girl who ive literally never seen a photo of#holy fucking hell i am such a hopeless poly bisexual#WHY DONT WE REWRITE THE STARSSSS#oh this is circling round to my suspicions i might be kinda like demi romantic??#i should buy myself flowers . wait. no. i grow flowers 🫠#well i could still buy myself flowers . and i should#i need to go to the beach#cant wait to get a proper drivers license#if youve made it this far down my crisis hi youve gotten to the stage where u can tell what songs im listening to!
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Just when I think the day's going well, I crash a golf cart
#summer camp tag#ace is a mess#i do not have a drivers license and i havent even been behind the wheel in like 4 years since i stopped lessons cus of the pandemic#the day was going fine i got loads done didnt feel like i was irritating my director too bad#doing some paperwork for her and she says when im done well take the golf cart out while its not currently raining#im like ooh fun never been in a golf cart before i see the higher up staff in them im not gonna say no to chilling in a golf cart#i did not realise that meant i would be driving esp when she asked if id been in one before and i said no#she then asked if i could drive and i said not really thought that would be it#cus i was supposed to be studying for my theory before working towards my practical#but no she insists im driving and first off i gotta reverse outta this bay now at least i didnt have to think about gears#but i hate tryna figure out how to turn whilst in reverse in mess with my brain im not great with shape visualisation#we do all our stops its fine for the most part a lil too fast going down some of the hills#and some tight turns but my turns were always like that cus im too busy focusing on the most immediate thing#we get back i park fine and then shes like oh actually there are some more stops we can make so i reverse and turn back out#do our two stops with only minimal confusion about direction then as i go to park into the bay we came from#shes like oh actually park in the bay closest to the health centre and what i should have done was reversed and adjusted my angle#instead i drove directly into the supporting beam separating the two bays 🙃😭#i immediately turn the cart off and expect her to switch with me instead shes like laughing it off oh it was just a little bump it was fine#im like it was not that was a loud ass bang i feel so bad and then she lifts up the light cover i broke off saying its just a scratch#and i feel worse so pf course thats when the camp director comes out to check on the noise and i dont think ive ever worn a guiltier look#but theyre both laughing it off oh just having a little driving lesson :) and i am mortified#she gets back in the cart and shes still insisting that its fine and i should still park after that which i do with great trepidation#but there are no more problems and the lights still work but the cover does need fixing and i just oh my god#ive never crashed before never clipped or scratched a car so of course id crash the golf cart trying to park of all things 😭
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i'm spinning in circles and giggling maniacally. i'm working on a super SUPER ambitious silver animatic and i've made so much PROGRESS i'm so EXCITED!!!!! i started it just abt a week ago and i finished the full rough pass in 2 days and by now, i have 40/60 shots fully sketched out. i want. blinks. i want to fully color it. i'm GIDDY
#hush catríona#i will be damned if silver doesn't get a big ambitious project. that's my THING. head in my hands#if i dont use my industry skillz for fandom good then what was the POINT of it all. i hate boarding but this is NECESSARY#if i stay on schedule i should have all sketches done by EOD thursday. then its clean/color and then i gotta relearn how to edit it togethe#i posted the rough unlisted on youtube for my friends on priv to see and i think its gonna come out good!!! im DERANGED i wont shut up abt#the whole thing is lettie's fault btw. we talked MONTHS ago abt a song so perfect for silver and i finally got a burst of inspo to DO it#and by inspo i mean that i realized my storyboard pro license expires the 27th and if i wanted to hash it out then i was running outta time
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i don’t have a single device for which the charger works perfectly and not to sound like a boomer but i feel like that is. pretty indicative of Where We’re At Technologically
#mine#phone needs a Specific Angle and it’s not a cord problem bc it does this with literally 4 different cords#ereader is on such a lag that it takes 6 minutes to realize it’s actually been plugged in#laptop is just. fucked up#it’s become a hassle to use literally anything#and yet. this is what we’re supposed to prefer#the thing that drives me crazy is that we’re all supposed to use these different devices for everything#and no one cares about the quality#my laptop charger died last week. it feels impossible to find a replacement#i found a refurbished one and it doesn’t actually work#guess im going to have to spend $50 to buy the Officially Licensed Replacement Cord#and with my ereader. i literally don’t know what the problem is#i barely use it#i think it’s just Because i barely use it so it wastes the battery on the screensaver bc it’s like. impossible to completely turn it off#so when i don’t touch it for 4 months it’s actually super duper dead when i plug it in#which is. i’m gonna be honest. equally annoying#my switch is the only thing that actually works and even that’s on its second cord in three years#it’s just. planned obsolescence is EVERYWHERE#all of these devices still feel brand new to me. and yet
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going on insta and being reminded why I never check people's stories ever 😕
#post:vent#lots of envious bile and sadness comes out of checking my friends' stories (since i only use insta for irl stuff)#i just see how much fun or how well people are doing and im like jesus im such a loser in comparison#i wanna do what my friends/irls are doing but i cant and/or im too depressed to go do stuff ugh#doesnt help that half the stuff i wanna do means getting my license and pretty much all of my family/relatives are trying to push me into-#-getting my license :/ and im too scared to take the test (not cuz ill fail its kind of. hard to explain my actual reasoning sjdbsj) so-#-im just perpetually pressuring myself into thinking im pathetic for not doing things and for not having a license#well anyways. im really sad now so im gonna get off tumblr before i indulge my sadness-posting-desires sjdbsjdn#< continue to indulge* lmao#yapping
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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