#its 2am and i have another 8am

[ryungseo]

okay nvm un-liking junseo because he's. tall tall.

[erzvolnes]

made plans to go out for a walk with my dad Weeks ago. we're meant to go Tomorrow. I get up today and he says he doesnt wanna go anymore. I'm disappointed, obviously, but I say that's okay.

I resign myself to not going, so I don't make any preperations wrt my dog, what im gonna eat (cant exactly stop at subway when im GF). I just figure we can go next weekend.

Dad feels guilty, says we can go after all. I say not to worry, if he doesn't wanna go, he doesn't wanna go. We can do it another time. 10pm comes around and He turns it around and starts guilting ME about how he really wants to go all of a sudden. "We'll leave at 8am. If you're not up by 7 I'll assume we aren't going 😔" DUDE YOU DIDNT WANNA GO. WHY IS IT MY FAULT NOW? I cant take the dog and have nobody to check on her. I haven't been able to find anywhere to eat so now i have to stay up late packing lunches for me and him. It's 2am and he wants me up my 7 so we can get there early enough that he has time to drink when he gets home.

He's usually great but I really cannot fucking stand him sometimes like I can't just LEAVE like he can. I have to actually Make Preparations. He saw I was disappointed and couldn't just Let Me Be disappointed.

It's a minor problem i know im being petty but. im up looking at our cupboards trying to make lunch for us both and im so tired. like its easy for him to just Go somewhere because he doesnt have to think about food, or the dog, or money besides what it costs to drive there. im sick to death of it.

[juneability]

#12dopmas : Day 0

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

Setting up goals for the next 12 days!

Wake up before 8am, go to bed before 11pm.

Read for at least 30min.

Read & take notes on one (entire) academic paper.

Practice an instrument for at least 30min.

Clean/organize a space (different each day).

Current progress:

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

Last night I went to bed at *gulp* 7pm. And then I almost got up at 2am before I thought better of it! Technically this aligns with my goal, but I'd like to be a little less insane about it. 😴

I started reading "On Writing (and Writers)" today, which is a compilation of C.S. Lewis advice on writing. I'm excited to read more, but I realized that you can't exactly binge read advice without diminishment of its value. 👤

I haven't read an academic paper today. I will organize a list I want to read over the next 12 days, and maybe I'll reblog with a "reference" list. 📃

Haven't practiced an instrument yet. I won't be able to play my piano until Friday, because I have to transport it back from the event space I played at yesterday. But let's just say that performing for two hours pretty much covers my back in case I don't get around to guitar, lol 🎹

I plan to organize things from my school backpack, since I will be needing them in a different capacity for the next month. 🎒

Something I'm grateful for:

💿 The CD player my boyfriend gave me for our 1 year anniversary !!!!!! I'm listening to Pourchasser L'Aubre by Caroline Savoie with headphones right now... and ascending to the heavens. Finally I get to live out my physical media dreams. + I'm probably going to buy another CD today :)

[alaskashigh]

hi coyotl :D

got any hyper-specific caliyork headcanons?

wave wave :)

if you were to strap a c4 to my back and let it explode i would COMBUST with caliyork headcanons.

i hope this is what you mean by hyper-specific

they bite. like all of the time. its their love language and you can TRY ripping this out of my cold dead hands I DARE YOU. the first time that they showed up to a meeting with bites all over each other everyone was concerned as hell and thought they had been attacked. they mainly bite each other because they both struggle with emotions (california has too many emotions at once and doesn’t know how to deal with it so physical affection ex: biting is what helps him get those feelings across. new york struggles with not feeling emotions much and has found that biting/other physical affection even if he isn’t used to it helps him make sure that california knows he loves him.)

they are both insomniacs because of their cities and because they both can’t sit still for the life of them.

california, even though he’s taller than new york (my headcanon), will often steal his shirts and sweaters, sometimes without even realizing it. they have left clothes in each others rooms so many times to the point where they’ll find someone’s sock or pants underneath their bed or in their closet hung up. no one really questions it when they see one of them wearing the others shirt or beanie anymore.

“Cal is that my shirt?”

“Huh- oh uh idk, it was in my closet lol”

both of them love to skateboard and will snatch one of them up at any chance and drag them outside to go skateboarding. after meetings, in the middle of the day, 2am at night- gov has walked out of his office at 6 in the morning (we all know he doesnt sleep) to see the two sitting in the living room drinking icees with their skateboards propped up next to them while watching tv. he has caught the two of them sneaking out at night and has tried to stop them so many times to the point that he doesnt even care anymore, as long as they come back before 8am.

they are almost always around each other and it is rare when they aren’t. you’ll find them snuggled up on the couch, sitting next to each other during dinner, sticking close to one another while out and about, literally just walking down the statehouse hallways together- if ones somewhere the other is either right next to them or a few feet behind.

when new york has to go to his/other states for business stuff he’ll buy california souvenirs and things that reminds him of him because he knows that california loves collecting little things like that. california does the same for him when he’s gone.

i have so many more but i just realized how long this was getting so- my dms are open if you want to talk about it more with me there. i’ll probably make another post about them filled with more headcanons because i’m actually so in love with them lmao

[ordinarytalk]

So I'm just finally beginning to recover from the three day paranormal weekend event thing I helped run, and I'm just writing highlights so I can reassure myself that yes, this all actually happened:

I just barely got trained in running the historical tours in time for this event. Meaning, I spent the entire week prior cramming the history of the site with more intensity than I crammed for my college finals. The tours had to be about an hour and fifteen minutes, I would be doing them all day, and I had to be prepared for questions.

Part of my cramming involved me typing out five pages of notes outlining my planned tour path, the buildings I was stopping at, and what historical highlights I was planning to talk about at each building. Because I was teaching swimming lessons until 7 or 8pm most weeknights, I didn't have time to meet with the operations manager who was helping train me, so I just sent the document to her so she could fact-check it.

The night before the event was a ghost hunt/celebrity mixer for VIP guests. They oversold the VIP tickets so we had way way more guests than was originally planned for. The operations manager was told at the last minute that they needed seven history tours to be run simultaneously that night because the guests had been promised history tours, and the tours needed to all be done at around the same time. We had two history guides, me and another guy.

The ops manager ended up printing out my notes and handing them out to other employees and saying "just improvise, sorry, and thank you." We pulled it off flawlessly.

After the tours, I was supposed to be giving the paranormal guide staff members their breaks throughout the night. I got yanked to be a celebrity handler instead because we were short on people. I did not want to be a celebrity handler. I am very awkward around new people at the best of times, and I don't know anything about celebrities.

Celebrity and her crew turned out to be super friendly. I still felt awkward as hell, but then they started asking me about history and that unlocked my hyperfixation powers and I started getting excited and rambling cool facts about every room we walked into. Eventually I realized they were filming me. Success?

The paranormal investigations during the whole weekend were like the least successful/least active ones I have ever seen here. I think if I was dead and several hundred people were stomping all over my house and trying to talk to me, I'd shut up and go somewhere else too.

Ended 3am. Woke up 8am. Dying.

Me and the other history guide alternated giving tours all day Saturday. Apparently I did good? Some people cried and one group applauded me.

So sleep deprived I straight up passed out in the grass for ten minutes after two of my tours.

Can a person die from hydrating solely with Monster energy drinks, asking for a friend

Monster energy drinks did nothing, started laughing loudly at nothing at one point and then took another lawn nap when coworkers started looking at me

Another VIP mixer/history tour/ghost hunt that night!

The celebrity & crew from last night specifically requested me to lead them around for the ghost hunt tonight because they liked me? Success???

We were still very short on people and we really needed me to do breaks so I only was supposed to be with the celeb team for 30 minutes but it got stretched to 45 because they asked me about history again, whoops

I am still being filmed. I am still not sure what I am being filmed for. Success???????

Had to do all the breaks speedwalking, while being rained on. The last person was almost dying by the time I got to them. I almost pass out again as soon as I sit down in their chair, I've been standing almost all day aside from the lawn naps.

Destination Fear left snack and drink shrapnel everywhere at where their meet & greet table had been. Someone there really likes cheez-its.

2am bedtime. Feet are looking a little swollen and gnarly and I'm walking like a chicken on hot coals.

Sunday! Everyone on crew looks like the walking dead.

I actually had a little over an hour free before the history tours start and I was able to look at vendors! I bought a dracula pin and a movie monster crop top that doesn't fit.

More history tours. We're getting more sunshine today so I ask to borrow one of the hats from merch because I will get a migraine if direct sunlight hits the top of my head for more than two minutes.

Smaller tour groups, everyone's a little more tired.

One of the other employees tells me how she had to babysit the Destination Fear crew when they filmed here. Apparently they kept on trying to go places they weren't supposed to.

The Destination Fear meet and greet line from yesterday is still there, and it's still terrifying.

The guys from Mountain Monsters are like the best guys ever. They are never not having a good time. They're like if my Uncle Gerry and Uncle Rance decided to make a cryptid-hunting show together. At one point, during the other guide's history tour, one of 'em suddenly busted out of a nearby porta potty yelling "WHOO-EE! I tore that porta john UP!!" and everybody on the tour just lost their shit. I might need to watch their show now.

Everything shut down by 5pm, but I stayed until 7pm to help with teardown. I offered to buy the hat from merch I'd been wearing but was told I could just keep it, so I got a hat now.

If there's one thing this incredibly busy week was successful at doing, it was stopping me from thinking about my birthday, because I keep thinking about all the stuff I was supposed to have done by this age, and all the stuff I'll never get to do or have because it's too late, and crying.

My birthday literally just happened as I was typing this. Still trying not to think about it.

[whosthatdccharacter]

Heyo! We've done six of these so far and it's been fun running this little game for yall. I hope its entertaining for you!

Now that we've got some under our belts I wanted to open up for feedback on a few different points. Im going to go over how ive done stuff so far, so if you have any thoughts on aspects of it you can chime in.

Putting the rest under the cut since it's kind of long.

1. Timing

So far I've tried to post new ones at sort of random times in the day so it doesn't give any one a consistent advantage. Im US Eastern and posts might go up anytime between 8am and 2am. I might even use the queue to schedule round the clock.

Another timing thing is that when someone guesses right, I give at least a few hours more before posting the reveal. It's just to give people a little more time to play, even if someone gets the answer right away. That's not to say you cant play after the reveal posts go up, but if youre anything like me, as soon as the ability to see the answer is available im clicking that link lol.

And since the reveal post tags the winner, I wait at least a few more hours for the next silhouette post so the prev winner doesnt have the advantage of being notified of the next one.

So a question here is should I wait longer or shorter on any of these areas? Do you like that its only one unrevealed at a time?

2. Difficulty level

This has been the hardest because it's a learning curve to find what's easy, what's hard, and why. There are SO many characters and runs, so it's hard to know if something I thought was memorable was even a blip on other people's radars. So ive tried to do a mix of difficulties.

Easier ones mean more people have the satisfaction of guessing and maybe getting it right, but if it's too easy then it might feel like these are puzzles for babies.

Harder ones mean a challenge and a lot of satisfaction if you figure it out or know that it's some niche thing. But if it's too hard then nobody gets it and it can feel kind of bullshit.

So what im wondering here is, do you feel like these have been too easy or too hard? Do you like it being a mix?

3. Character and image selection

If I put up a straightforward silhouette of Etrigan, everyone's going to get it and there's no challenge. On the flip side if i did a silhoutte or jason blood standing in a contextless room its like that could be literally any random man, so itd lead to random guesses. So ive been trying to find the sweet spot of the silhouette being somewhat familiar but not completely unique, and the rest of the image with some stuff going on. I think that's been going well but it does mean it relies on me and my ability to make a good little puzzle of it. So i hope I've been doing an alright job in that area.

Choosing from particular runs is interesting. I usually think of a character first then go find something they were in. Im finding the stories with other characters and team ups are good options to provide that extra context. But then the tricky part is that i have to be at least somewhat aware of whats popular and whats not. I dont want to use a panel from a run nobody read (unless its really good), and I also dont want to do one so infamous that everyone knows it like the back of their hand. So as with choosing particular images, I hope my choice of titles I'm sourcing these from has been fair.

4. How to guess

I went with tags so it encourages people to reblog and hopefully spread awareness of the blog. I think its also the easiest way people are inclined to interact per post. We couldve done asks but sometimes those get dropped by tumblr, and all the reveal posts would be answers to asks instead of standalone posts.

I like the idea that even for old ones people can still play and have fun with guessing on their own. Not sure if theres a clever way to encourage that.

And i hope the leaderboard is fun. Just a small incentive to participate. Its like saying nice job, thank you for playing.

5. Hints

As mentioned previously, if over a day goes by and nobodys got it ill post a hint. I've only done one hint so far and i was really not sure how subtle or overt i should be. Idk if anyone has thoughts about it?

--

So that's it. That's the process behind things and kind of where my mind is on it. I want it to be fun and chill, so if you ever have feedback about something you can always send an ask. It can be about the topics here or really at anytime about anything.

Thanks for playing everyone! Keep it up!

[breesays]

Tip Fucking Toe

This spot with the view of Wisdom Tree may not be our home for much longer. Our downstairs neighbors are forever complaining about us. Actually, what they were doing was knocking on the ceiling (I answered the door to no one twice before I realized it was them) and then banging on the ceiling.  I actually complained about them to our landlord, because the ceiling-banging is pretty stressful when we're just, you know, LIVING OUR LIFE. 

I changed HOW I WALK for these people. I tip fucking toe 24/7. Desmond has a big, plush rug in his room. And yet, last Tuesday, I get a text asking us to please "not play the instrument" because they are trying to get the baby to sleep. There was no instrument, we were on a video call. Maybe Desmond was dancing at the end of the Three Little Pigs story? But nothing resembling an instrument. I imagine I got the text because our landlord relayed that the banging on the ceiling was not acceptable.

Listen, Desmond goes to school 5 days a week and on the weekends, goes to Tim's. So there are about 3 after school hours each day that they MIGHT have to deal with the pitter patter of a 30-lb toddler. And yet, they cannot. I try to summon empathy for them, but 1. They were like this before they even had their baby and 2. We lived below and AirBnb for 4 years. The only time we ever complained were when guests were screaming and playing beer pong directly above our bedroom at 2am. We heard plenty. Dog nails. Furniture moving. Kids running. Sometimes we could even Shazam the music they ere playing.

So, I'm kind of fucking done. I want to leave, and I want the next tenant to be heavier, louder and more inconsiderate than we have been. 

I feel furious and defensive. What am I gonna do, tell Desmond to be less excited? He is, by far, the chillest kid I know. But he likes to play "kibble dibble" with the cats, likes dancing, and when he is happy about something, he jumps up and down. I'm not going to ask him to suppress that. At least not between the hours of 8am and 8pm. 

Tim mentioned something he read in one of his fitness books - how we spend the early years of a kid's life urging them to roll, sit, stand, walk - but when it comes to climb and jump and explore, we hinder them. "Be careful!" "Be quiet!" I am NOT all about that. It's one thing to be respectful but its another to have to change the way you LIVE to suit others needs. Sometimes if Des wakes up early and wants to play, he says, "Please Mama? I'll be quiet."

He's a slip of a child who spends most of his time playing with BALLOONS, the goddamn quietest toy in existence next to, I dont know, fucking FEATHERS? So I'm looking for a ground floor two bedroom for us, so we can LIVE. Pet-friendly, controlled entry preferable. In our area (NoHo) or Burbank. Would LOVE to move back to Los Feliz if possible. LMK if you spot anything.

[4ln-stay8]

I need to complain so I will feel better… I will also spice this up with some Lando photos while I wait for the Netflix Cup to start.

Ok so here we go…

Its 12:10 am and I just got an email informing me that I have a project due on Wednesday 15th (today) and now I can’t relax and get ready for the Netflix Cup cause I’m too stressed about the homework…. Uni is so *not* fun😑

I need to read 115 pages of the support course then to figure out how the fucking PMS app works than to do the homework…. I hate my life right now…

Im so close to having a mental breakdown…

Its almost 1am… Apparently I have to stay almost 3 hours to watch Lando play golf… it will be like 4am when it’s done… I have to wake up at like 8am…. So 4 hours of sleep it is.. I will survive but Im not missing this (not that I actually understand golf)

And it turns out I didn’t even installed the right app and now I have to wait for the files to download so I can install it again so I can start my homework thats due today…

Why did I enrolled myself into a Masters degree program?

Update on my awful luck (not that people care)

So I installed the app but considering the fact that its 2am and Netflix cup is on I will try and do my assignment later today so wish me luck!

So I just want to add that I love how iconic Lando is, playing by his own rules and being the Sassy King he is…

I really hope they will catch up

So another update… Its 3am… I think Lando lost(I didn’t understand much of what happened tbh)

I didn’t do anything on my assignment yet… I did install the app tho…

I will assume that Lando is done for today so Imma go to sleep

I also think that there is a new LN4 merch drop soon

[priscila-runs]

Week 5 of 20 complete! Here’s my diary of what I tracked, thought, and learned during my fifth week of training:

Did the math last week on food and realized that I must fuel more 🍕! If, per my various online sources, a runner should eat 20-24 calories per pound of body weight for every 1-2 hours of training, then I need to be eating around 2200-2500 calories a day. Since I’m eating about 1200 a day right now, my belly will be glad to know lots more company will be joining her in the coming months. Pasta, black beans, brown rice, sweet potatoes, lentils, bananas and yogurt are currently on the VIP list. Dreading the poop schedule adjustments but let’s cross that bridge when we get there, shall we? Daily log:

Monday: took the day off per my new schedule. Been reading Freud lately which gives me lots to think about while running. What a fascinating and (perhaps unfairly) misunderstood guy. Salmon, asparagus, brown rice for dinner!

Tuesday: FIRED UP. Banana beforehand. Five miles to start off the week. Yogurt after a solid 8:20s pace.

Wednesday: Felt a little more tired and groggy in the morning but managed four miles at 8:teens pace. I’m snacking a lot since it’s an easy and quick way to fill the fuel tank or whatever. Dinner was lots of pasta, broccoli, bell peppers, chicken. Yogurt and granola for dessert.

Thursday: Exhausted and woke up late (5:25AM) and antagonistic so I’ll apologize later, feeling bad about it now. Anyway, doing my hair takes a while and this morning it led to me getting caught up in conversation. My boyfriend told me that Freud says women are culturally stunted. I find that very interesting and even intuitive so I don’t disagree, but is it possible that men are stunted in culture, caught up in it and its materiality and that while women are dialectically attached to society, women experience and therefore feel beyond culture? Idk. I wrote about the conservative nature of women in domestic roles and the relationship of this dynamic to Texas society. Maybe Freud and I could have written something together in another life. Anyway, these conversations w/bae in the morning completely make my day 🥰 Went out the door by 6:30AM and came back by 7:30AM. It was a 2x2 mile tempo 🥵

Friday: Lunchtime run of three miles at 8:20 pace. It was a good run and I was able to sustain pace! Tonight my friend Sarah and I are going out to dinner and then a DJ dance party afterwards.

Saturday: wow came home at 2AM after one cocktail, three Modelos, and lots of dancing. I paid for it today with a three miles at ten minute pace 💀💀💀 but I had a complete blast last night so it was worth it 🪩 Did ten minutes of HIT and added stability stretches to do at the end of every run, but first I’m going to pilot them tonight before bed. Long run tomorrow. For the rest of today I’m going to hydrate constantly, eat a lot (healthy), and then to head to bed very early tonight. I know these efforts today will pay off tomorrow.

Sunday: 13 miles today! It felt fantastic. Woke up around 6AM and had a bagel w peanut butter and drank a glass of water and coffee. By 8AM I headed out with sunscreen lathered and my UCan gels strapped. At mile 7 I had to stop by a convenience store for a water bottle—investing in something collapsible will be crucial otherwise I’ll be lugging around a weight once I’m done hydrating. Next time I’ll take my gel at 40-45min instead of 1hour. By some accounts it’s important to gel before actually needing it. I’m out of packets so I’m debating trying a new kind or going with the same brand as they seem to be working fine. Form and cadence are essential!!!!! Improving these and also focusing on them during my runs has made the most difference for my speed and endurance. Since I need strong abs, arms, and legs for good form and cadence, strength training will be a big priority for me entering week 6.

Practicing mindfulness.

[tonystarkstan]

I've just had my depression hit me really hard lately, and I love your stuff so much. Do you think you could give a head canon or something involving some favorite Marvel character and cute cats? (No pressure. I know from your author notes you've been going through a lot lately)

I’m sorry to hear that! I know that’s really rough. ((I’m sorry I’m not more helpful, but I’m sort of in a similar place.))

Okay, so. Cute kitten headcanons:

-Peter finds a whole litter of kittens in an alley, curled up with their mom against an old dumpster. So of course he takes them in.

-Animals aren’t allowed in the apartment, so he sneaks them into Stark Tower and builds them a heated bed.

-Tony walks in to find them and is like, “Peter. What the fuck?” And Peter’s like, “What was I supposed to do, Mr. Stark?” And Tony’s like, “Send them??? To a shelter???”

-and Peter pulls the puppy eyes on him and says, in the most pathetic voice that instantly cracks through Tony’s resolve, “I just know what’s it’s like to go without food and warmth.” (Referring to him and May’s financial struggles.) Naturally, Tony caves.

- “Okay, but once they’re old enough to be away from their mom, we have to find homes for them.”

-Shenanigans ensue.

-Natasha all but adopts the little black kitten with orange speckles. She lets him perch on her shoulders as she walks around the Tower, and he climbs up her body like a tree. She names him Akela after the wolf in The Jungle Book.

-Tony goes to put on his shoe one morning when he’s met with a loud squeal. He jumps backwards, startled, and picks it up. A little head peeks out, and Tony groans. “PETER, COME GET YOUR GREMLIN.” From that day on, that kitten’s name is Sneakers.

-Peter and the mom cat, who he’s named Ginny, get along splendidly. He lets her rest on his lap after a long day of amusing and feeding her kids. At dinner, he sneaks her scraps. Tony notices but doesn’t have the heart to say anything.

-Tony sometimes sneaks Ginny scraps, too.

-Sneakers follows Tony around everywhere.

-One day, he sneaks into Tony’s briefcase, and during a very important meeting that Pepper has bullied him into actually attending, Sneakers pops out, shocking the room.

-At first, Tony’s pissed, but then he looks at the cute little face staring up at him and totally caves. He holds out his palm and lets Sneakers crawl onto it. He holds the kitten for the rest of the meeting.

-Ginny loves Pepper. She loves curling up next to Pepper’s feet while she does paperwork. A couple of times, Tony’s come up to his room to find Pepper fast asleep, with Ginny laying next to her protectively. He can’t find it within himself to be upset.

-The tabby kitten, Basil, isn’t even a little afraid of Thor, despite his huge size. When she first meets him, she lets out a fierce (cute) hiss and claws at him. Thor laughs and scoops her right up.

-Basil eventually grows to love Thor, often trailing behind him wherever he goes. She LOVES his hammer. Her favorite thing to do is climb on top of it, and he has to chastise her for trying to use the handle as a scratching post.

-Tiger (“Very original, Pete”) can’t decide who he loves more: Bucky or Clint. Bucky is fun to climb on, and his metal arm is so shiny that Tiger is obsessed with rubbing against it. But Clint ties feathers and little bags of catnip to the ends of his arrows and then shoots a low target, letting Tiger run after it to swipe at the makeshift toy.

-Sometimes, the Avengers have movie nights where they gather a bunch of blankets and comforters and lay on the floor while they watch movies. But now, Ginny and all her kittens lay amongst Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, laying on their chests and curling up in the warm blankets.

[sunasjellyfruit]

Sleeping with them.

Sleeping. Just sleeping guys. This can be considered as post-timeskip actually.

Warnings: fluff, mentions of food, mentions of sleeping alone, hq boys being soft for you and in love.

Characters: Kurō, Oikawa, Ushiwaka, Sakusa, Atsumu, Suna, Kenma.

Kuroo:

He's not the best partner to sleep with but not the worst either. The problem is that he goes to sleep really late, he spends so much time working that he barely has time at night. So you go to sleep alone most of the time, and when he arrives home he always tries to be as silent as possible not to wake you up (which I think is really cute). However, the moment he enters the bed he'll be holding you tight against his chest because he needs your warmth to fall asleep. In fact it's his body the one which is super warm and in winter it's the best thing to have next to you. The best part about sleeping with him is that he (almost) never wakes up too soon, around 10am more or less, which is the perfect time to enjoy a warm drink for breakfast with the sunlight alredy entering through the window.

Oikawa:

A truly wonderful partner to sleep with. If he has time, it's probably him who cooks dinner every night, and he doesn't like to fo to sleep very late or very early, so I would say that he tries to go to sleep between 11pm and 12pm (00:00? idk bro, you get it). When he lays in bed his body literally occupies the entire bed, legs and arms stretched so you are obligued to lay on top of him. He probably rolls and moves a lot while sleeping so you two end up separated lol. Apart from that, every morning he wakes up at 6am to go for an early morning run and sometimes he also gets freshly baked buns from the bakery, so when he arrives home again (and has a shower) he can wait for you with breakfast ready in you private little balcony.

Ushiwaka:

For real the kind of sleeping partner we all want. He can go to sleep at any possible hour, from 9pm to 3am. You are tired? "Okey honey, let's go. Im not going to leave you alone". You want to watch a film and not sleep barely anything? "Okey, you can even choose the film". And you can clinge onto him as much as you want in your sleep (he sleeps like a rock actually). But the moment the clock reaches 8am, he's awake and there's no way he's going back to sleep again. He might start doing the house chores or some training while you start waking up.

Sakusa:

(This is so funny to think about, but is also so cute omg) He has a very specific night routine that you both must follow before going to sleep, and it includes opening the window of your bedroom for at least 15 minutes to clenease the air of the room, and there's no way you're entering in the same bed as him if you haven't taken a shower first. Once you and the room are refreshed, everything is ready to rest. Sakusa smells like lavender and wood, and now your mind has related that smell to sleeping so it's sleeping for you to rest and relax without him. He knows that, and that's why he tries to go to bed at a decent hour so you can get a good sleep everyday, resting his head in your chest and with your fingers tangled in his black curls. Oh and don't even think of having breakfast in bed, if you want that then go to sleep to the kitchen, not to his bedroom.

Atsumu:

He's the annoying kind of partner if we talk about having a sleeping schedule. Mainly because he doesn't have one, he goes to bed at a different hour everyday. And the fact that he trains a lot doesn't help, cause on some days he wouldn't notice and he would come back home soooo late, and think that he also would have to take a shower, have dinner... So when he lays down its probably like 2am. Other days in which he's tired he goes to sleep incredibly early, 9pm and he's asleep like a baby. Another problem is that he's very loud without even trying, so if you've fallen asleep before him and he wants to get something from your room or finally go to bed, take for granted that you're going to wake up from one way or another. The positive part is that he loves cuddles and he will hug you firmly.

Suna

I don't know how many times I've said this, Suna loves sleeping, loves naps, loves everything related to it, and he also loves you. What can be better than spending every night by the side of his lover? He doesn't go to sleep early, that's for sure, but he doesn't go extremely late, 1am more or less. Mainly because he gets too entertained watching tv shows or with his phone, but if you want to sleep he'll stay in the salon not to bother you. And when he finally starts feeling tired and he goes to sleep, he's the most silent person ever, you won't even notice that someone has stepped into your bed by your side. You might feel his arms around you or his slow breath right by your side, but nothing that can wake you up. However, when the sun rises there's no way to take him outside of the bed. He'll cling into your body as If his life dependes on it, if you let him he would probably wake up at 1pm, just to go get some food, eat and start the day, but if you get serious he might get up sooner.

Kenma.

Sleeping is for the weaks, and he's not weak. He probably thinks that and as long as he has a few energetic drinks near and his computer, he'll stay awake for an entire day or two. You've fallen asleep alone more than once only to wake up finding Kenma in the same position in which you left him the night before. He has tons of work, he's a youtuber-streamer and CEO after all, and he definitely doesn't know how to put some order in his life. You probably need to force him to go to sleep most nights, and he's more than happy to rest for a few hours, but im pretty sure that he would be awake by 7am to keep with his work. And he's very cute when he's asleep, like a kitten, delicate and indefense, and i bet my entire house that he snores quietly, almost like a purr. The best thing you can do for him in the mornings is bring him a warm drink (not necessarily a coffee, tea or some milk with honey works too) and place a jacket over his shoulders.

[dramaticlester]

Being loved by Dan

Summary: Phil watches back a few gaming videos, and it hits him how much Dan loves him.

genre: fluff

warnings: swearing, a lil bit of nsfw (nout major), 2am writing

type: drabble kinda, slightly longer than that lol

also on ao3 here!

“Hey, Dan. You look so in love with me in this video,” is what Phil starts the conversation with as he walks into their bedroom. Its barely 10am, the blinds haven’t even been drawn, and Phil is on a sentiment journey.

Dan just blinks, his eyes burning as they open against the unwelcome influx of daylight “huh?”

Phil laughs, crowding onto Dans side of the bed, curling into the warmth of the sleep still cradling him, “you love me. like, a lot.”

“Welcome to the world, doofus,” Dan sighs, kissing the top of his head and throwing his arms around the older’s waist. “You’re the last to notice.”

“I knew, just not that well,” Phil sighs, pushing further in.

“Are you trying to morph us together,” Dan mumbles, a small yawn being muffled into Phil’s neck as he squeezes him tightly, inhaling the scent of coconut coming off his boyfriends hair.

“I have a theory that we’d be indestructible that way,” Phil laughs. Dan can imagine the crinkle in the corner of his eyes.

“Already are, bub.”

That’s where the conversation ends because the warmth radiating off Dan is pulling Phil back under, despite the fact he’d been up since 8am answering emails and tidying the house for the impending ‘Lester visit’, and Dan was never really fully awake to begin with.

When they do finally get up, Phil clings to Dan, staying by his side even as he makes ridiculously expensive coffee and selects almond out of his massive collection of non-dairy milks. Dan doesn’t question it much, he just smiles at Phil and offers him his cup of coffee.He then makes himself another one. Phil sits at the table and sips it as Dan is busying himself around the kitchen. He watches the sway of Dan’s hips, the small strides his long legs take against the cold tile of their kitchen floor, the fluffy curls that should be ruffled from sleep, but instead look styled and picture ready. His eyes are golden in the sunlight, creating the perfect silhouette of a beautiful man. Phil’s man, that loves him a lot. Phil feels overwhelmed, so much so that he has to push Dan against the counter and kiss him, cupping his cheek and stroking his thumb across soft skin. It ends with his hands in Dans joggers, unsurprisingly, and a look of bliss on Dans face as he finishes with Phil’s name on his lips. He whispers how much he loves Phil as he rubs their noses together in an eskimo kiss, his smile radiates brighter than the sun that inspired Phil’s impromptu show of love. Funny how that works. Dans whisper breaks him out of his trance, “my expensive coffee is cold now, doofus.” Phil knows he’s not really that bothered.

“Can I help you?” Dan asks. He’s playing games on the PS5 now, Phil obviously sat near him. He’s on the floor, to be exact, laying across some pillows and staring up at Dan.

“You’re just pretty,” Phil says, ducking from the onslaught of pillows from Dan as Phil cackles.

“You’re being so weird,” Dan notes, pausing his game so he can crawl down onto the floor and pin Phil’s arms above his head.

“You’re being weird,” Phil smirks, wiggling his hands. “This is very out of character for you. We need a role reversal, Daniel.”

“Not today,” Dan winks, leaning down to attack Phil’s neck. “I need to recover from your very in-character show in the kitchen.”

He pulls back after making a satisfactory mark on the pale skin of Phil’s neck. He looks down at Phil, beautiful blues eyes and a crooked, yet perfect, smile.

“You’re doing it again,” Phil says. He adores Dan, he decides, because Dan is adorable.

“Doing what?”

“The look; you’re in love with me.”

“Always, doofus,” Dan grins, getting up off the floor and offering Phil a hand.

The next time is when they’re in the shower. Specifically on the request of, “you always use up the warm water, Phil.”… Phil knows it’s a lie, because their water runs off the boiler now and is always warm. Dan doesn’t need to know he knows, though.

Dan is rubbing shampoo into Phil’s hair like the gentleman he is, massaging his head as he goes. Phil is pushing back into it like he’d been craving it, letting Dan take care of him because he’s worth it (he says as much to Dan who bursts out into a laugh.) The water is warm and their naked skin is pushed together. There’s so much space, but they’d hate to use it all. Phil turns round to wash it out of his hair when he sees it again, the look of fondness in Dan eyes, the one that tells him he’ll never let him go.

“I love you too, Dan,” Phil says, reaching forward and using his hands to follow the dip of Dans hips. Dan looks beautiful like this, open and vulnerable, never shielding away from Phil’s eyes anymore because he knows as much. Dan grins, inching forward a tiny bit until he can kiss Phil’s lips. Dans hands skim all the way down his back, pushing into the small dimples at the lowest point. He does it often, when he’s joining up the freckles on Phil’s back when they’re basking in the light in their room, or when Phil pushes him against the wall and grinds their hips together. Somehow, Dans fingers always find their way to the two little dimples. When Phil asked him about it, he said that Phil always did it to his dimples, so it should be returned. Phil never questioned further, but he knew it was because Dan felt connected that way, because Phil rarely touched Dans dimples as opposed to staring at them, in love with Dans smile.

In hindsight, Phil obviously knew Dan loved him, they’d been together for 12 years for fucks sake. But it was when he watched back the sims video in which they decorated Dabs apartment and Dan kept smiling at him when they talked about nostalgic things in their first apartment, or in the extreme tetris video where Dan let him win the ‘All-Or-Nothing’ so that Phil could finally say they were drawing on the DvsP board, and it was when he watched any of the ‘golf with friends’ videos, where Dan laughed at all his innuendos and gave him tips that could actually be helpful if he applied them properly. Dan loved him more than Phil would ever be able to comprehend, much like his own love for Dan, and it was documented for the world to see. But somehow, the level of love was for him only. Something Dan knew he’d be able to see when he watched it back. It was a promise.

Phil felt lucky, that Dan loved him so much. And he felt lucky to love Dan.

[abubblingcandle]

I’m drowning and everything hurts and I’m tired of having to be the person who isn’t allowed to feel this 

Don’t need to read just don’t have anyone to talk to

The past year has been one depressive episode after another with brief periods of vague motivation in between. I’ve got no friends, my only social interaction is a sport I’m shit at, I’ve got a job that on a good day makes me want to punch a wall. I spent two weeks suffering with an illness that made me throw up so violently I couldn’t move but I still had to be in work and on two school trips to not let people down. I then went straight to my parents to act as a carer for my mum over the shittiest Christmas ever and spent one and half weeks wishing to any higher power that it would be over. Then feeling so so guilty as losing her may well kill me. Only to come back to a flat that is so messy and horrid because I don’t have enough storage and was ill for two weeks before. Then to immediately start work again (like I got back home in the evening of the 2nd and was back at work for 8am on the 3rd, immediately).

Since then I have been stumbling out of bed, throwing food into a bag, running to work, getting home, getting into bed, crying a little, sleep, repeat. I was so stupidly proud of myself on Wednesday when I cooked myself a homecooked meal for the first time in months. It was tomato pasta but it was something and I was so proud of myself. So the next day I did it again, and put the dishwasher on before I fell into bed num. Today I emptied the bin that had been full and rotting for two months and sprayed out the fridge. The flat is still more mess and mold than usable space and my bed is still the only safe spot but it’s a little better. 

I have been struggling for years but I’m not allowed to. I’m the only one not allowed to. I’ve got to work, I’ve got to look after mum, I’ve got to be there to help but I’m still a fucking let down. I can’t breathe. I just want to lay in bed in the dark. That’s all I have the energy to do. 

My mum decided to come out for coffee near my place today despite being in so much pain she was sobbing. Despite me telling her I would see her next weekend and I didn’t want her to put herself through that. Only to them ask if they could come back to mine for her to rest. This is the only thing I have said no to her about since I moved out. The only thing. 

“You and your brother need to come over more to help your dad but it needs to be you more because I need you” “Sure I’ll come over 3 weekends every month to stay for two days to look after you”

“You need to do this shopping for me because I don’t trust your dad” “Sure I’ll do that after work this week and bring it over”

“I don’t want you to go to that event because I’ll worry” “Ok I won’t”

“I need you to stay up until after midnight to help me get ready for bed” “Ok I’ll stand here and wait for you to need me”

“Sorry its 2am but I need a drink and don’t want to wake your dad” “Ok I’ll be right down”

“Your dad is worried about me so I need you here” “Ok I’ll drop everything in my one week off and come over for 5 days”

And the thing is I know even if I did say yes and she came over she would spend the whole time moaning and telling me how I’m letting my life go to shit and need to do better as “if you keep living like this and don’t lose weight you’ll end up like me and this is the worst existence ever” (the speech I get every other day). And instead I got the “stop making excuses, you’re such a mess you can’t even help your mother who is in so much pain by having her over” speech which is a new one but a *great* one. So instead of actually sorting my shit out for OFSTED at work or doing my clothes washing while watching sport like I wanted to do today ... I’m laid in bed, out of tears, out of energy, out of hope. 

I’m just drowning

[bxllafanficc]

¡Skate/sing your hearts out! (Yuri Plisetsky x reader)

(part one)

part two part three part four part five. Find the rest on; Masterlist

Summary: After last year's cancellation of Figure Skating Grand Prix, Yuri Plisetsky finds himself unable to bring out his inner skater after a year of doing nothing but enjoy life like a regular teenager. That's when you enter the picture; We Are Voice Grand Awards's currently hottest competitive vocalist come first place two years in a row. Just like the other competitors of Grand Prix, it turns out that Victor and Yuuri faces the same issue. With an arrangement between Victor and Yakov, they agree to travel to Japan and hire you as a mutual coach for Yuri and Yuuri to help bring back the emotion into their performances like before, maybe even more intense than ever. Yuri however, who's never experienced issues with his coaches before, for some reason finds this one particularly difficult to coexist along with in their (reasonably) odd partnership. Warnings: none

*Yuri's POV*

"Remind me once again why we're going to Japan? It's clear you'd never take us there just because you miss Victor and I know by experience that it's not because of his apprentice."

First class flight like usual. The view out the airplane window of the sparkling city at nighttime below them would stun anybody but at this point, Yuri has traveled so many times it's only become regular sights and the lights of the streets are only plain colored spots in a dark void to him these days. One thing he will never feel comfortable with though is staying in the same seat for hours on end until the airplane arrives at its destination. His legs are itching from wanting to move around. He'll just have to jog it off back on the ground like every other trip in the past.

"You'll be spending some time with Yuuri Katsuki and Victor the following weeks to gain your fighting spirit back. You need to get back in touch with your emotions, remember?" Yakov slightly turned his posture towards the Russian skater beside him, folding his newspaper in half and putting it in his lap.

He only nodded with a slight hum. He could see Yakov's reasoning, some parts of it at least. He HAD been lacking in emotional performance ever since the new year began and it was time to get back into the mindset of winning yet another Grand Prix gold medal like last year. No, not last year. Last year's competition was cancelled after a minor pandemic spread through Russia and the nearby regions. In fear of the virus spreading, all competitions cancelled and larger crowded areas were forbidden to take place. Therefore Yuri's only been able to practice by himself and keeping himself fit for a possible competition next year. But a year of doing nothing can really change your spirit and afraid to admitting it to his coach, he's been missing several opportunities to hit the rink and stayed home watching anime or scrolled through social media instead.

But one thing he doesn't get is how Victor and Yuuri are gonna make him get his mindset in the right track again. He already won his first gold medal at his senior debut and he doubt that the Japanese skater will be in any better condition than Yuri's currently in right now. Pig-man must've been in a much worse state considering his boo Victor had to stay in Russia during the pandemic, unable to keep an eye on Yuuri's routines.

"Besides, there's a little surprise waiting for you where you'll be staying with the two of them. It better work out fine or else I'm out of ideas."

That caught his attention to say the least.

"Well if it's supposed to save me from the deep end then why be so secretive and hushy with it? Spill the news, Yakov."

The old man only grunted and picked up his newspaper once again and hid his face behind it. Well now he really wanted to know what it was. Clearly he would have to make some effort. Soon the article about a Russian charity event taking place this weekend got replaced with a clenched fist going straight through the back of the paper. Yuri expected some kind of reaction but Yakov only sighed and leaned back in his seat without even a flinch.

"It's no surprise if I tell you. I promised Victor to keep it a secret."

"Tell me."

"No."

Yuri groaned and folded his arms with a sour glare. The display in the ceiling told the traveler's that it was 10 minutes until landing so he gave up his attempts and let his eyes rest for a while. At least he would find out tomorrow, he assumed. It was 2am and he would be staying at a hotel close to the airport since it was too late to make rest of the trip in one day.

Yuri was out with the speed of a lightning bolt the second the plane doors opened. He sped past everyone before him and he didn't stop when he finally got outside. His feet carried him to run circles around the plane meanwhile he was waiting for Yakov to get out the normal way. It's a silly habit of his and he knows he looks stupid doing it but his coach has given him strict orders to not run away at one random direction like used to do at first. It would take like half an hour for him to be found once he took off, but only if he got lost.

"Yuri! Get over here!"

Well, there's his cue to get ready and head to the hotel. Finally he's able to get some sleep before he's forced to wake up early at dawn to head to Hot Springs and meet the two most annoying people in Japan.

...

He didn't even have time to eat breakfast. He overslept and got rushed to the cab with an angry Yakov behind him, newspaper folded tightly in his fist. The trip through the beautiful Japan would've been pleasant if Yuri hadn't dozed off every 10 seconds. He didn't get much sleep after all. He spent at least three hours thinking about the special surprise and raiding the free mini bar before he finally got to rest. At 8am he was woken up with banging on the door and now, at 10am, he was standing at the entrance of Hot Springs waiting for Yuuri's mom to announce their arrival. She hurried away somewhere with her usual bubbly happy self that Yuri had no idea how a person could be so... not moody all day long.

The place was as crowded with customers as last time and the two Russians were told to step inside to the more private parts of the building where the family lived along with Victor at the moment.

"Victor! How come my brand new lotion is used? You smelled a suspicious amount of peaches and wild berries at breakfast and there's no point denying it!" A fairly soft and modulated voice was heard from somewhere to the left where the private shower stalls were located. A couple seconds later a giggly Victor and Yuuri came through the direction of the living room and greeted Yuri with happy cheers. The slender white haired Russian caught Yakov in a bear hug, much to the old man's surprise. Yuuri extended his hand towards Yuri but Yuri didn't give any effort in taking it.

"Food. I'm starving."

Yuuri dropped his hand with a light blush but Victor pouted and let go of his former coach. Strong and clingy arms were suddenly wrapped around his chest and he couldn't breathe.

"So unpolite... Yuriooo we've missed you! Haven't you missed us?"

Yuri thrashed like a fish caught in a net and tried to hit the arms of the bastard trapping him. Yuuri joined in, only to get a kick in the hip. His stomach growled angrily and the endless void in his body didn't lighten up the experience a bit.

"Let go you old man! You too piglet!"

"I hoped you'd say it out loud but I know that deep down you've been missing us, Yuriii." Victor went to whisper in his ear with pouty lips but was swatted away by a backhand in his face. That finally caused him to let go and Yuri jumped out of reach for the two males.

"Hm... Or not." The expression he got from Victor was sad and pouty and the man earned a hand on his shoulder, put there by Yuuri. Yuri could only sigh and shake his head.

"Victor! Did you steal my shampoo too?! I will- Oh? What now?" Yuri turned around abruptly by the unfamiliar yet familiar voice behind him. His eyes widened.

The girl was standing to the left of the hall, seemingly coming from the shower. A curious hand rested against the wall beside her and her face was covered in a grey clay face mask, a toothbrush lazily hanging from the corner of her lips. Her (h/c) eyes glistened with mild shock along with her mouth hanging slightly open.

"You are early... Victor, you told me they would arrive at 1pm1!" She pointed a strict finger at the tall man who scratched the back of his head with a hesitant laugh. Her eyes narrowed and she grabbed her toothbrush. Because even if she was standing unprepared in front of two strangers, she would at least not forget to brush her teeth in the process, as you do.

Yuri might've considered it normal if it wasn't for that she was almost naked. Two towels were the only fabric hiding her, one wrapped around her dripping figure and the other tied up in her hair.

"Yeah, about that! I kind of mixed up the time of their arrival and your meeting with the press, that's, by the way now when I think of it, not actually cancelled but later today. Silly of me to forget, right?"

She eyed him as though her bullshit meter was ticking in the red zone and let out a huff. Yuri had to advert his gaze when it suddenly felt intruding to eye her the way he did. He also turned away because a light tint of pink was creeping up his cheeks.

"Right. Thanks for the early update. I appreciate it, really. I'll be with you again in 30 minutes. Don't wait up for me." And with that, she was gone. The silence of the men maintained for a few moments until Yuuri coughed with an awkward smile, his red cheeks still visible even after the girl had disappeared. 'It's a little weird to blush at your almost naked sister' he thought.

"So food, right? Mom is preparing pork cutlet bowls for you, Yurio, since she remembered how much you liked them last time-" He didn't have to say it twice. Yuri was off to the dining area before the man even finished saying 'pork cutlet bowl'.

[dankaura]

i thought i'd be bold tonight, and begin to write love letters that, while i know wouldn't be sent directly, would somehow appease the grief with which i still sit.

to whom i've called love:

i once read somewhere that grief is love that cannot be given, and that is heartache within itself. i miss the way you smell. i miss your laughter. i miss the pressure of your lips between my eyebrows.

time is a funny thing. funny in the same way that sunsets are both the mark of the end and the knowledge of a promised beginning. the green flash is still a myth to me; and perhaps so were you. the darkness in between what's to come and what has been feels as prolonged as there are stars that mark that period. what a strange vicinity of experience to have each other. there is another reality in which we conclude victoriously. i think we share this realm somewhere that seems both within arm's reach and many lifetimes missed. there's even a ring. and lace gloves. a lot of... embracing.

the way our knuckles bumped before interlocking our fingers completely can still be recreated when i fold my hands to meditate. you held out your left pinky. or forefinger. never the whole hand. unless it cupped the small of my back. i remember most how we'd vibrate at 2am together. but also at 8am. and also at 7pm. and sometimes at 2pm. how we'd just be together. i'd wish that for the world, you know. you only wronged me when i wronged myself. you persisted in your admiration. i hadn't understood what you saw. it didn't stop you from showering me with what became my most actualized concept of an awakening. it's been fucking painful. i miss your chest - the width and the feel. god, i miss the way you smell.

you saved my life in more ways than one and i know that that has created an entire indebtedness with which my soul quarrels the use. we also took turns destroying each other. we were so empty, don't you recall? i argue continuously with myself that everything runs its course. but then, there's the way we looked at each other: that sort of fullness. the way we protected our spirit. we were invincible; and i can still feel that now. how can i possibly forget? how can i possibly hold any space for resent?

perhaps for the first time, the concept of only loving the thought of you doesn't apply. i have yet to grasp the gravity of this. i have yet to grasp the gravity that it actually was the mole on your right rib. and the scar only you and i will ever remember. i writhe in my healing; writing this is more difficult than i thought. it was your character: mistakes included.

with nothing but gratitude,

gabby.

[liza-lilly]

Obake: May 22nd 2021

Today was mostly yet another sleep day, I allowed myself to feel like absolute shit but apparently it's part of accepting some things. Being angry, feeling hurt. And somehow.. yes I do feel better too. Zykira assumes it'll be easier and faster for me because she already feels satisfied with herself and it might be true. With headmates, our emotions can and will fall onto each other.

Zykira has been annoyed with me lately for my emotions distracting her. She said it would probably be easier if she didn't have to feel them. I know she doesn't mean harm by it or that I'm not allowed to feel anything, that's not it. This body is quick to begin picking at itself in its sleep if it feels stressed enough, the scars on our stomach are proof of this.

She's just doing her best to keep the body's emotions in check and that means working to manage mine. And.. it has helped.

Despite us both being adults I sometimes feel so small from some of the things she says. Though I again understand no harm is meant by it. "Just accept it."

Just accept it doesn't mean I can't feel against it or feel things (there's more to it than that because obviously easier said than done), the idea is accepting this is you, this is the way you are but I feel like I want to tear myself apart or something over this. I want to drown myself in thoughts of Kei, build a shell around myself and never crawl out.

But that's okay. I'm allowed to feel that way, just as long as I don't let it control me or harm me. I'm allowed to feel emotions. I just need to practice accepting them and myself. Emotions can't be controlled fully, but they can be tackled and tamed.

Why does this journal sound so wrong to me but at the same time feel like something I should talk about?

I didn't post yesterday simply because I was just too mentally exhausted. Yesterday was mostly just work. A quiet day at work from 8am-11am, 3-5 hours of sleep, 3 hours of goofing off and then back to work from 8pm-2am. Yesterday wasn't really too bad but it was last night that I felt so damn worthless.

And today? Just angry. I don't know why I felt so angry. Z says something about it being a common reaction to.. something. Usually the pain we already feel and healing often means pain turns into anger (though for some people it doesn't necessarily mean that, some people just cover their pain with anger always) because we're still trying to process it. Understand where it stems from and why and she's been extremely patient with me snapping at her.

I thank her for her patience. I've been really bitchy to her today. She just watches calmly, though I think I actually hurt her feelings a few times. I don't know how long the irritability will last. That's okay, I'll get past this eventually. Most of my pent-up anger (the pain I've been dealing with) I realize comes from my parents and how helpless and pathetic they made me feel. And though I don't deal with that now, it has still affected me and now I'm supposed to slowly accept that this is part of my past and always will be, but I don't have to let it define me or make me like them.. and that makes me..

Genuinely happy.

Well.. that's all for now, this was a generally longer journal than most. Just doing a lot of reflection. Zykira wants me to write down my process, she thinks it'll be beneficial somehow.

Until next time -Obake