#its 2 in the morning im going to bed
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here’s rowan
#num draws#rowan posting#yandere#digital art#male yandere#yandere oc#oc art#oc posting#i saw this really cute pic on pinterest#and i was like yeah okay and then i drew rowan 💀#sorry if its bad#still bad at drawing hands lmao#there were a few similar pictures like the reference i used#…maybe i could draw other characters like this haha#anyway its 2 am im sleepy#going to bed after i post this teehee#if i forget some tags ill add em in the morning
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tag vent
#i have to move back to my hometown due to a mistake. a misunderstanding. and being too trusting in others ideas#and my boyfriend is moving an hour away as well. neither of us have been able to get a car or license yet due to money and i dont know when#we can see eachother again after we both move. since we started dating weve been sleeping in the same bed because we were/are roommates#just being gone for the weekend in my hometown is hard because i cant stand to be here but its worse because hes not in my bed every night#ive grown so used to falling alseep in his arms that i dont know what to do at night. i dont feel safe without his arms holding me#ive never felt safe where ive lived before. ive never felt safe in a relationship. ive never felt loved for who i am. that was until him.#now i feel safe in our home. i feel safe in our relationship. i feel loved for who i am. and now we have to be so far apart.#ive done long distance before but this is going to hurt so much my cat loves him she is super cautious and scared around new people but#she loved him since the start. not to mention shes my esa so that really mattered to me. he wants to move with me but it isnt happening#he got definite housing an hour away for super cheap in a town where he knows everyone and i have possible in a town where im surrounded by#people i know but am terrified of. im scared to move back here but have no choice. unless i make that terrifying choice of going with him.#the apartment he is getting is a two bedroom. id only have a studio. hes offered for me to come but im scared to move that far away again#i want to be with him but im scared to move to a whole new town with him. i know hes an amazing guy but we'd be moving away from my friends#and family. i already have to move away from all my friends if i go back to my hometown but this would be a different story.#moving to a whole new town with a guy that i only started dating 2 months ago? like yes. i lived with him previously and knew him for longer#than we dated but im still scared. i think rightfully so. but still.#but there are some pros to moving with him. hometown has no music scene and his town does and thats really important to me.#we'd also be close to his family. but farther from mine. hed be around friends and id have none no matter where i go.#idk im just rambling but i really needed to vent. i lost my best friend recently to the point of them siding with strangers almost and they#helped them break and enter into the house to intimidate me and bf and then a few days later came with cops after saying repeatedly that#they were an anarchist and acab but only when they dont use them apparently. because i guess morals/values only matter when its convenient#im so tired though but i cant sleep so i might write some cringe poetry and try to chill out before going on a late night/early morning walk#tag vent#vent in tags
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having to explain to people things like. if i have to go out to do something and run errands i need to have it all mapped out and planned w like. at least a week in advance. and if i go out that day i cannot do anything else because That will be it. if i have multiple commitments that cannot be put on the same day i need one full day in between those commitments so i can rest and be recharged for that next thing otherwise i might have a breakdown in the middle of the street (again) and then That will render me unable to function for like a whole three days. and then people look at me like i choose to live like this?
#txt#audhd tag#just venting a little#its crazy because ppl around me are like I understand your limitations However why dont you-#So you dont understand my limitations?#like okay yeah i understand that it must be Weird for people that are not Inside my brain and hard to understand that i PHYSICALLY CANNOT>#do things that they dont even think about. alright! but to sit and tell me Yeah we get it! but then try to either fix it or >#> come up w a New Incredible Way To Fix Me as if half of what i talk abt w my therapist isnt Exactly This#like yeah i dont fucking like it either. i wish i could do shit like other ppl do. i wish i could remember things.#i wish i didnt feel exhausted all the time i wish simply leaving my bed wasnt the most difficult task every single morning#but it pisses me OFF when people try to talk me through these Limitations i have that They Understand<3 like. can you be accommodating or no#one of my closest friends and oldest friends since i was like 5 had her bday on friday and she ljterally messaged me like#Hi we r having something w my family but theyre rly loud and extremist on the right wing side and i barely wanna be here u dont have 2 come>#> but i wanted to invite u anyway so u dont think ur being left out! and i was like Yayy nice thank u bc lbr i probably wouldnt go anyway.#and she KNOWS that. and she literally was talking to me like she alwahs does and That felt accommodating and understanding and i felt loved#cut to my mom last night trying to make me feel guilty for not going because Shes my friend and i should have gone anyway.#i told her off and she backtracked but thats still innmy head like. that shit is so irritating#okay sorry vent over im just aboht to get my period so this is making me sick#want to yell into the void and forget about it. Hits post
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hi gay people
#i havent been on here in a while#moved and started college yippee#i like my roommates theyre super cool#the quarter system is also wild#like its week 2 i got midterms#we havent even learned anything yet#i also think im gonna have to take 20-22 units for the next 2 years so thats fun#i really want to get back into sim but i am so exhausted#i miss my sims and my fake online friends#i hope everyone is doing ok#i also got prescribed vyvanse so lets go gamers#40 mg to da dome every day#but it also makes me not want to eat anything which isnt good bc i keep doing all day without eating and then i get a headache at like 5 pm#and am like oooohh#which i hate#but i try to take the med in the morning when i wake up or else i cant get out of bed#i hate the way my brain functions#maybe i can figure out how to fix it#anywhoooo#sorry for the rant i am so very irritable and twitchy i feel like a crack addict#maybe i should stop drinking caffeine#ok bye guys i just wanted to say hi
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#ok tag rant time yay#cus i need to process some shit#soooo the big thing is ajdhfnfhdk pretty girl!!! yay!!!!! and first time for that!!!!!!!! we matched on an app last friday#got coffee the next morning then met up again monday night (implied fun things) then in the wednesday morning shit show she came over just#to sit with me and so everything could be ok for a while and i felt the safest I ever have#which is a big deal because last time i had that feeling i was with the guy i like and one of my best friends sleeping on the floor because#little tiny college beds dont fit three people and then they left me on the floor to sleep in one bed together and i cried a lot#then they essentially kicked me out of the polycule and started dating soooo :) yeah#good to replace that with a (absolutely fucking gorgeous) pretty girl holding onto me while the world falls apart#and yeah she's sosososo prettyyyyy she has such nice dark long hair and really pretty eyes and she's literally#6 feet tall (which. ajdhdjfndbsmdjcjfj.) and she's the biggest nerd omg i had a like 2 hour conversation with her and her gf about star trek#its great#we're moving sapphic fast lol which is a lot but im obsessed with her a bit#did i mention shes so pretty? its fr like that one tiktok sound about a hot girl and her little gay boyfriend#oh and she came over again last night and i think im gonna dieeee lol i never realized how much of a physical touch person i am before#i mean i knew i liked it a lot but i just do not want to let go. at all. ever. i miss her#this is what i mean by bisexual so gay for men and women and it happens liek the stereotypes for both#sadly she's already mentioned maybe having to move because of everything and i really don't want that#but i guess we'll try it for as long as we can#overall though yay yay yay!!!!!!!!!!!!
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#love that my body decided to incapacitate me the weekend before i have to read 5 different papers for classes#and it would b one thing to just read them but no for 3 of them i have to give detailed interpretation and 1 i have to present on#ive already failed to read one bc i forgot we had to do 2 papers for monday. oops. not that i could have done it anyway. i barely got 1 done#and im on track to fucking up the one due Tomorrow as well#im just fucking tired of reading fucking chemistry driven papers that i dont understand no matter how many times i read them#and everyones like oh itll get easier but no it fucking wont bc i cant fucking read right#its so fucking frustrating. why do i even bother? im so tried#i don't even have the paper im supposed to present on so ill have to do it all tomorrow. cool. great. not that i could do it today anyway#im just. this is gonna b a difficult week#and i misused my whole day by doing extractions bc i scheduled my training a week ago when i thought i would b fine over the weekend#nope. its fucking bullshit. this is y im like. y do i even want to b in academia?#how could i b a prof if i cant read well? its fine to b dyslexic as a math person but im like i have to read so much and so little gets thru#but then what the fuck else am i supposed to do? idk. im just gonna write down something for all these questions and go tf to sleep#ill get up at some horrible time in the morning to finish this. damn the consequences. ill see my therapist tomorrow anyway#and meet with my advisor like 🤪 yo guess what i made zero progress this week#sorry u got stuck with me while im going thru a year of fucking health problems#but whatever cant get rid of me now im already here. here and tired and i wanna go to bed#unrelated
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I bitched so much I got what I wanted!
#v true#im so excited#no more leaking roof#it leaks right over my bed#so it drips on my chest and arms while i sleep#and if i don't notice it will get the bed all wet#but my mom finally called the roof ppl#then we have to call the bank for a loan#and i couldnt do that bc the house is not in my name and the loan will not be in my name#i complained to my dad over the phone#and i think my mom has had enough#she doesnt like when my dad gets involved with our house.#bc he doesnt live with us#im so glad she called#its been like 2 years of me complaining#and i keep getting more cracks#you would think shed have called the day after i had to sleep with her bc of the leaking#but she did not#so i complained to my aunt t#who did nothing#im just so excited#ik its gonna raise the bill prices#but i dont care#i wanna sleep in peace#i was woken up again this morning by water dripping on me#and the next two days is suppose to be bad storms#so im going to be real cranky#i straight up told my dad no one cares bc it doesnt affect them#shut up nicki
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Pmdd is actively fucking ruining my life fuck fuck this shittt
Why do I have to live with the consequences of things I do when I'm like this and why do i only get one good week a month if I'm lucky
#ive messed up really bad bc now my teacher just thinks im making excuses when i want to explain everything and why its not so easy for me#well i didnt say anything but i said i will send her an email and i left in a hurry so now shes worried abojt what it is im going to say#its related to when i was posting about how i tried to be truthful about the situation but again it was only half#and i dont have an official diagnosis i havent beem abck for a checkup yet fuck this#i left in a hurry and now im in bed i didnt mean to but my default is reaction is flight and i had to get out#this whole day i thought i was going to die the anxiety got so bad i almost cried at lunch arghhhh#tldr i deleted a bunch of work when i got too overwhelmed and just wanted to see it again and now deadline is wednesday#i dont have time for this my exams start in 2 weeks#and i got my period this morning#i need to kill someone why do people not understand the difference between an excuse and an explanation when im literally trying my best to#be honest here#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#pmdd posting#lasar being incoherent
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just me alone in my room against the horrors
#renee rambles in the tags#the worst thing abt bei.g friends with 2 men exclusively is i cant have an enotional breakdown without serious fall out#theyre just not used to dealing with emotions gently#so now its me alone#anxious about the bugs in my bed#zack asleep without saying goodnight#seth lost his mind at me and i told him i went to bed hours ago#i just barely made it into my room#bam cockroach right there by the door#there was one in my jewerly box this morning#and another on my bed this evening#and i just want to go to sleep i literally am so tired#so mentally exhausted from crying all day#but i cant get into my bed i cant#i took all my stuffed animals off of it#and im moving them to my bfs place#bc im so afraid theyre gonna get full of bugs#and then ill judt have bugs forever wherever i go#or be forced to get rid of all my beloved stuffies from the past 20 years#its like im just#so tired of being so anxious in my own home#stfu renee
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half broken japanese by ewy btw if you even care
#i do not like any of their other discography but half broken japanese hits different#alsp hi remember when i said i was going to bed. yeah i fucking lied its 2 in the morning im bored as hell
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#ive been in pain for like 3 or 4 days and its not goin away#actively getting worse actually#i cant move without something in my spine relocating#i just want to home and lay in bed honestly#trying 2 b o k this morning and failing#someone say something nice to me or im going to cry like a baby plz
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devil on my shoulder saying i should just stay up all night bc i got 9 hours of sleep yesterday and thats twice as much as i usually do so that counts for 2 nights
#help its almost 4 and im not tired at all ive had a nightcap and ive been listening to asmr for 2 hours and im like#not ready to sleep ugh my sleep schedule is even more wrecked#its spring break so i dont need to wake up early tomorrow but i want to be PRODUCTIVE and that only happens if i wake up before idk 10 ish#but i need to shower in the morning so i was gonna try to wake up at like 8 but if im not going to bed until 4 that's not gonna#happen so i guess i will set my alarms for 9am and hope for the best but
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-to a random tune- a chuuuuunk of plaque broke off one of my teeth n i dunno if that's good or not. im gonna be cautiously optimistic that it's just because ive been taking excellent care of my teeth lately bc i cant fuckin afford a dentist rn~
#cyspeaks#idk what tune this'd be to but i feel like im going insane#can we please go like 2 days without something happening to my own body my house or my dog#idek if ill be able to focus on enjoying TotK once it drops if im gonna be worrying abt losing teeth or w/e else is going on#its one of those days where im just fantasizing abt having a sugar mommy/daddy who will just pay for shit for me cause i just cannot rn#not like any place is willing to hire me or anything either#god. im spiraling so im just gonna go to bed. hopefully ill feel better abt things in the morning#no way to know if its bad rn so no use dwelling on it or w/e
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currently gathering evidence for the insanity plea.
#im going to bed.#i am NOT about to get more angry and upset at 2 in the fucking morning. no.#i just. need to sleep. instead of being so upset over nnothing!#( no shift. still upset from earlier. pissed over minor things. )#i just need. to sleep. not like anythings. happening.#why now. honestly im going to fucing bash someones skull in atp. god. god god god.#this shouldnt bother me. its time for bed.#im shaky but im tryingnnot to be. i dont wanna be#i dont care
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I wonder what it would be like to go one day without at least one song fragment stuck in my head
#but usually its 2-4#last couple of weeks it's been The Way You Look Tonight by ol Frank#peppered in with The Luckiest by Ben Folds#but also Goodnight Moon by Go Radio hasnt left my head for 8 years#and its been about 6 for Broadripple is Burning#my brain be like: some day when im awfully low...#*30 seconds pass*#I... dont get... many things right the first time#*pause*#and don't go to bed yet love i think its too early#*beat*#well children broadripple...#cause ive been trying way too long to try and be the perfect song#yes you're lovely....#if my wall clock tells me that it's four in the morning I'll give it hell#I KNOW#WHERE YOU STAND#....and like it doesnt stop its just this background noise CONSTANTLY#i love it usually but god its A Lot
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do not look at this i’m just gonna be throwing a fit in the tags and i need to feel like its going somewhere
#look. i love my roommate. p much my best friend. i am also this close to fucking killing them dead#the way they live. stresses me out#like i work 40 hours a week. 4 10 hour days. in the medical field#she works like… 16 hours a week. 4 4 hour days. basically babysitting#doing crafts and watching children in an after school program#so tell me why the fuck i’m doing like 95% of the work around the apartment#and shes stressing me out rn in particular cause the hours she works are like. 2-6 pm#and when i’m off work i dont see her wake up/come out of her room until like 1#but the thing is. is that instead of doing things she needs to do before going to work#shes decided to do her laundry after she gets home#so its 10pm and im trying to go to bed so i can go to work in the morning#but im just listening to the fucking washing machine which is on the other side of the wall from my head :)#bestie :) do you have thoughts :) in your head :) ever#and she barely does her dishes she never takes out the trash#she leaves food in the fridge and pantry for way too long and instead of eating stuff she has she just buys more stuff#shes so messy her shit is everywhere and shes like boarderline a hoarder actually#girl you have enough stuff. its time to stop i think#she does not think before she buys anything#she loves vintage/antique things#and she basically just sees something and goes ‘i like that’ and buys it#without thinking if she actually needs it or is gonna use it#i swear 90% of the time shes forgotten that she bought anything by the next day#its just abandoned somewhere among her stuff#im like girl. im begging you to try and get a normal sleep schedule so you can be up and doing adult things during the day#bc i pay for half this apartment and im about to bite you#and she doesnt seem to understand why i want to sleep at night#it like. confuses her#she tries to get me to watch like three movies in a row with her after work and when im like okay i need to go to bed she actually like#pouts at me#and ik from experience if i dont sleep enough i get really mean and dysfunctional. so
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