#itll probably just take a while
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Once Dust Coated and Can I Keep You are finished, I'm likely going to take a bit of a break from Undertale for a bit. I feel as though I'm growing apart from it..
That's NOT to say that I'm discontinuing Bad Habits and Goodbye to Spring!!!! I am going to continue those two fics, they are not dead. I can assure you all of that. It's just going to take me a while to get back to them again.
#i still love bh and gbts#my precious babies#ill get back to them#itll probably just take a while#like most of my fics unfortunately#life's a bitch#i dont have as much energy for this as i used to#rosey's nonsense
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they are playing sudoku (ghost is trying his best to not backseat sudoku)
#call of duty#gary roach sanderson#cod mw2#ghost cod#simon ghost riley#cod roach#cod#ghostroach#my art#live mactavish reaction in the background#'do they have to sit that close?'#ghostroach hc anon pls wait for some more... itll be out... just not soon orz#itll probably be something short...?#take these drawings while i sort out my thoughts about them...#practicing lining or at least a cleaner sketch
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"hey buddy what have you been doing lately" well ive been thinking about how hazbin would be easier for me to consume if it looked different at bare minimum
#tmos has art#hazbin hotel#not gonna put this in alastors tag proper but itll probably show up in the search from name dropping him. oh well#yeah im having a 'i could do this differently' moment about this show. let me in ill start rerouting the wires#anyways god theres nothing like watching a show just to roast it over an open flame with a mutual. time of my damn life i swear lol#now if you'll excuse me ill be thinking about my pokemon gijinka who i accidentally started emulating in the hair while making this LMAO#also. just realizing how obvious it is once you look at it how much i gave up on the hand LMAO. simply what happens using the first take <3
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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i want you all to know that i was EXTREMELY EXCITED to make this one and i had THE TIME OF MY LIFE while drawing the castle stones lmfaooooo
(cover for the Canon In Draconis Major series by hsvh its REALLY GOOD GO READ IT BYE)
#draco malfoy#draco malfoy fanart#harry potter#hp fanart#tom riddle#hpdm#now THIS was the one i was excited to make lmfao#idk the purple x green convo just ignites something so primal in me#also im still mesmerized by that font its just so perfect#like LOOK AT IT#drawn by me#the third cover WILL come at some point because i already did two like come onnn#but itll probably take a while because i start a job next week yay money
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i dont think its a breakup scene. i think the mlvn breakup will coincide with mike coming out to her so it’ll be MUCH more emotional. tears, hugs, the whole shebang. i think this (if its about their relationship at all) is more similar to jancy’s “are we good?” scene at the end of s4.
#yes i know i literally just said im not reverting back to being a byler blog yet-#BUT IM SEEING SO MANY TAKES I DISAGREE WITH AND IF I DONT SAY MINE ILL EXPLODE#i also dont think the swingset is for a cute flashback i think its for an evil vecna vision#and while im at it I DONT THINK THERE WILL BE A FIGHT OVER THE PAINTING I THINK ITLL BE A SYMBOL OF HOPE THAT HE LOVES HIM BACK#damnit i really thought i could be normal about this show#this is devestating bc i really love the look of my blog when its just gifs of shows#also i still havent moved on from yellowjackets#byler#stranger things#all my new yj mutuals probably looking at me like 🧍♀️ the fuck are you talking about#byler predictions
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i made this username in 2018 as a relatable self-deprecating way to lampshade my own drawing abilities. but i am not 14 anymore and now it kind of annoys me
#donr be surprised if i get a new name.#i wont change my pfp for a while so im still recognizable#itll probbaly be a variation on a theme that doesnt scream 'preteen insecurity'#i'll make like.... an official post about it.. because apparently 1.5k people think i am onto something#not art#(14 year old who cannot take a compliment voice) ahah... no... my art is so lazy its just doodles..... ehehe...#probably after everything-tober is over#i have a couple things im waiting to post until then that i couldnt shoehorn into prompts as hard as i tried#FINALLY finished a beefleaf that has been sitting in my drafts for months
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#ayyy. today was a day.#i overslept and spent the 1st half of the day close to tears for no apparent reason#cried for a while in the garage where they keep the liquid nitrogen tanks and was incapable of reading anything at all#and this is y i have to start taking birth control. bc everything starts falling apart when my period hits. its fucking bullshit#it would b great if i had a normal working brain. i just dont want to deal with anything rn#i dont even wanna draw. i just want to dissolve into the ground. but noooo i have to find 2 papers to read for background info#bc theyre due Friday. and this weekend im gonna have to do a ton of reading bc i have a committee meeting Friday#its just frustrating. itll probably b fine but i wish it was different#unrelated
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... Can I eat the art?...
OF COURSEEE!!!! though i do not have any new art to offer so itll have to be leftovers im afraid 💔💔
#sorry for being dead omg seasonal depression is BEATING MY ASS#but i am currently drawing something 👍#though itll probably take a while before i post it. n im also just working at my own slow pace#Plus i cannot stop playing identity v and lethal company with my friends#the gamer grind got to me#(and i like hanging out w my friends)#so thats why ive been DEAD#ask
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thinkin abt. zen and izana both being upset abt harutos absent parent ways but only for each others sake
#zen never feeling the absence bc his brother is always near but being upset for HIM bc he didnt have anyone like that nd ofc the#fact that zen knew he wasnt enough to ease his brothers burdens#and izana taking on everything bc he feels he Has to while also thinking of his baby brother whos so much younger than him and not ready#for any of this and will probably barely remember his father and at this rate itll be the same w his mother#just. man. idk#they were soo unhealthily codependent when they were younger i can feel it#distant screeching
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Okay crew. I have three hours to get out of my apartment and get going to my parents' house. I don't have to pack my mattress or get rid of my furniture anymore because my strong af girlfriend helped me take care of it. I just have to fit what I can into my van (not a lot) and abandon the rest. Then drive four hours. Wish me luck. I'll need it.
#when i wrote this in my head it konda sounds like a general inspiring his troops#except im both the general and the troops#oh god i have three hours to condense my life into my minivan#i took 70mg of vyvanse and i feel great. i think im gonna take 30 mg more just because i have to get rid of it#see i stole the 30mg from my brother and im about to go see him. i dont want him searching my shit and finding his own meds#its okay he only takes these meds while hes in school. and i stole them over winter break#please only take medicine that is your own. dont fuck with prescriptions that belong to other people. do as i say not as i do#holy shit im not okay#i went to my fav local coffee shop today for the last time and started tearing up while i was there#im gonna miss this place#im moving across the country to live with my sibling#and honestly i dont think its gonna be my forever home. i think this is just a much-needed adventure and change of pace#i can see myself living in this city for years and years. but im still leaving#i know i need to leave. i need to live with someone. be with family. i need to get out of my shit job. i need a new start#so itll be worth it. but i think ill probably come back here eventually. idk. but for now im leaving. i need to go#i need to go in three fucking hours
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should i watch a 3 hour 4chan deep dive video yes/no
#text#i need 2 find smth to do w my hands bc ive been picking n biting at them more 😕 tho i just got back on my ocd meds so itll probably#be better in a couple weeks#ive been sewing a lot recently but .well its smth to do while i watxh/listen to videos#id paint but thats too messy for Sitting in bed i think. and takes too much brain
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im trying to convince myself to stay productive . since im here i should use the sewing machine and cut more pieces of fabric but im just so tired. i need to put on a no commentary longplay of some video game so i can focus
#man . Man#im not gonna take a nap itll fuck up my sleep schedule again#but i just dont want to do ANYTHING rn#sam.txt#'when will you finally jusy quit your job so you can ACTUALLY be productive' probably not for a good while yet
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did a little fanart thingy for my friend nd twt mutual ! tis inej from the netflix show shadow and bone !
#shadow and bone#inej#inej ghafa#fanart#art#i need to finish season 2 but my attention span just Cant#u also can request for character sketches through my ask thingy#but itll probably take a while#im back but kinda not#i hate being busy i want to Draw again
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microdosing on self love by making myself strawberry shortcake and buying myself drinks i like and putting my favorite soup into smaller containers so i can eat it without being stressed abt it spoiling
#avpswjy#been pondering many things the past few weeks and its been rough but im working on it#i think part of it is bc my birthday is this thursday and i always get a lil introspective around then#also bc i have that seasonal anxiety in the summer. but anyway#im really coming face to face with how i dont know how to exist if i am not loved#or not loved enough or in the right ways#or dont know that im loved 100% of the time#and like. ive known im like this for a while but im starting to realize how huge of an issue it is for me and its not good!!#i want to do stuff without looking to others for approval first#i want to enjoy things that other ppl think is cringe#i want to love people without demanding the same amount of love in return#i want to just like. exist#and thats very hard for me! and its something ive been working on for a while but its Rough#like this has been a thing my entire fucking life idk how to unlearn it now lmao#but i have to try#its kind of shitty having all your sense of existence tied to other people and im sick of it#its gotten better. but i want it to be a much smaller part of who i am#one day ill go to therapy again. and probably get on anxiety meds. but itll take a lil while#aaaannyway im okay just going thru kind of a sad time as i process a lot of stuff#mostly veeery old feelings and experiences that i never acknowledged were like. bad.#but thats part of living babey#it all boils down to self love tbh which is a very difficult thing for me but something i can still learn#enough sadposting on main. time to play video game
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#my mom: u should maybe start taking birth control to regulate ur mood#me: meh whatever. its not like that bad#cut to one week later where im vibrating out of my skin while sick. transitioning into random undirected terror. transitioning into#a loss of focus and brainfog. exacly on schedule#i am laying on the floor. im like. ive got the hysteria. bleh. i was supposed to go into thr lab but im so. dont wanna stand up#also a fucking mosquito bit me on thr back of thr knee and im mildly allergic so it's super swollen#ugh. and i fucking cant find an apartment. god. college towns. housing shortage. fucking bullshit#my apartment rn is 600 including utilities and its a nice lil studio. there the cheapest i can find is like 850 for a place with 4#roomates. ive been spoiled by living here for 4 years. ugh. i just wanna kno i have a place to go#i also wanna b able to focus. and draw. and not work here anymore lol#but whatever. itll b fine. probably less than 2 months left now#unrelated#i feel like a victorian maiden. take me to the countryside for treatment. banish me out into nature. that will heal me
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