#itll probably just take a while
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Once Dust Coated and Can I Keep You are finished, I'm likely going to take a bit of a break from Undertale for a bit. I feel as though I'm growing apart from it..
That's NOT to say that I'm discontinuing Bad Habits and Goodbye to Spring!!!! I am going to continue those two fics, they are not dead. I can assure you all of that. It's just going to take me a while to get back to them again.
#i still love bh and gbts#my precious babies#ill get back to them#itll probably just take a while#like most of my fics unfortunately#life's a bitch#i dont have as much energy for this as i used to#rosey's nonsense
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they are playing sudoku (ghost is trying his best to not backseat sudoku)
#call of duty#gary roach sanderson#cod mw2#ghost cod#simon ghost riley#cod roach#cod#ghostroach#my art#live mactavish reaction in the background#'do they have to sit that close?'#ghostroach hc anon pls wait for some more... itll be out... just not soon orz#itll probably be something short...?#take these drawings while i sort out my thoughts about them...#practicing lining or at least a cleaner sketch
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"hey buddy what have you been doing lately" well ive been thinking about how hazbin would be easier for me to consume if it looked different at bare minimum
#tmos has art#hazbin hotel#not gonna put this in alastors tag proper but itll probably show up in the search from name dropping him. oh well#yeah im having a 'i could do this differently' moment about this show. let me in ill start rerouting the wires#anyways god theres nothing like watching a show just to roast it over an open flame with a mutual. time of my damn life i swear lol#now if you'll excuse me ill be thinking about my pokemon gijinka who i accidentally started emulating in the hair while making this LMAO#also. just realizing how obvious it is once you look at it how much i gave up on the hand LMAO. simply what happens using the first take <3
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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i want you all to know that i was EXTREMELY EXCITED to make this one and i had THE TIME OF MY LIFE while drawing the castle stones lmfaooooo
(cover for the Canon In Draconis Major series by hsvh its REALLY GOOD GO READ IT BYE)
#draco malfoy#draco malfoy fanart#harry potter#hp fanart#tom riddle#hpdm#now THIS was the one i was excited to make lmfao#idk the purple x green convo just ignites something so primal in me#also im still mesmerized by that font its just so perfect#like LOOK AT IT#drawn by me#the third cover WILL come at some point because i already did two like come onnn#but itll probably take a while because i start a job next week yay money
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i dont think its a breakup scene. i think the mlvn breakup will coincide with mike coming out to her so it’ll be MUCH more emotional. tears, hugs, the whole shebang. i think this (if its about their relationship at all) is more similar to jancy’s “are we good?” scene at the end of s4.
#yes i know i literally just said im not reverting back to being a byler blog yet-#BUT IM SEEING SO MANY TAKES I DISAGREE WITH AND IF I DONT SAY MINE ILL EXPLODE#i also dont think the swingset is for a cute flashback i think its for an evil vecna vision#and while im at it I DONT THINK THERE WILL BE A FIGHT OVER THE PAINTING I THINK ITLL BE A SYMBOL OF HOPE THAT HE LOVES HIM BACK#damnit i really thought i could be normal about this show#this is devestating bc i really love the look of my blog when its just gifs of shows#also i still havent moved on from yellowjackets#byler#stranger things#all my new yj mutuals probably looking at me like 🧍♀️ the fuck are you talking about#byler predictions
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i made this username in 2018 as a relatable self-deprecating way to lampshade my own drawing abilities. but i am not 14 anymore and now it kind of annoys me
#donr be surprised if i get a new name.#i wont change my pfp for a while so im still recognizable#itll probbaly be a variation on a theme that doesnt scream 'preteen insecurity'#i'll make like.... an official post about it.. because apparently 1.5k people think i am onto something#not art#(14 year old who cannot take a compliment voice) ahah... no... my art is so lazy its just doodles..... ehehe...#probably after everything-tober is over#i have a couple things im waiting to post until then that i couldnt shoehorn into prompts as hard as i tried#FINALLY finished a beefleaf that has been sitting in my drafts for months
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#ayyy. today was a day.#i overslept and spent the 1st half of the day close to tears for no apparent reason#cried for a while in the garage where they keep the liquid nitrogen tanks and was incapable of reading anything at all#and this is y i have to start taking birth control. bc everything starts falling apart when my period hits. its fucking bullshit#it would b great if i had a normal working brain. i just dont want to deal with anything rn#i dont even wanna draw. i just want to dissolve into the ground. but noooo i have to find 2 papers to read for background info#bc theyre due Friday. and this weekend im gonna have to do a ton of reading bc i have a committee meeting Friday#its just frustrating. itll probably b fine but i wish it was different#unrelated
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election thoughts
calling trump voters 'dumb' is ignorant. some of these people are dumb but a lot of them are just selfish.
blaming third-party voters is ignoring the issue re: over half the country was willing to vote for trump anyway. likewise, pointing out that trump won the popular vote and that third-party votes wouldn't have made a difference is ignoring the voting system. conversations about third-party voters in general are not fruitful. some people are just going to vote third-party and expecting them to suddenly not do so is naïve. there is no scenario where third-party voters should have been the 'tie-breaker' to begin with.
a lot of people (americans and non-americans) don't understand how the electoral college system works and in general i'd advise you to do some research before you share your take. americans you should know this anyway and don't use the excuse of "i wasn't taught" if you have tumblr then you have the internet so look it up and start reading. i don't expect non-americans to know a foreign country's voting system but if you want to share an opinion please take a bit of time to learn about it before you do. i'm tired of seeing the same dialogues by people who clearly just don't understand the actual structure of the voting system.
pointing fingers at different demographics you think are to blame is useless. if you're going to find a group to blame, then blame the majority, i.e. white men and white women. otherwise your blame is completely unhelpful and misplaced.
saying she only lost because she's a woman or a poc (or both) is also misguided. its not entirely wrong but once again you are misunderstanding some fundamentals of how extremist politicians find success, and likewise are ignoring some obvious issues re: the democratic party and their campaign strategies.
equating education to intelligence to voting preferences in general is ignorant. you are forgetting how many factors go into someone actually receiving formal education. you are forgetting how many factors go into someone's state of residence. i was going to explain this further but i think no one cares so i'm not going to bother because the explanation got too long. also, see point 1. there are plenty of very smart people who vote for trump anyway.
talking about abandoning the south or red states is pointless and if i hear or see anybody suggest such measure i am automatically assuming you are a foul person. equating democratic states to morally or inherently good and republican states to morally or inherently bad is such an unbelievably superficial and foolhardy judgement and goes against all principles of unity and community that we should be fostering at a time like this.
americans ignorant to the effect that us politics has on the world need to wake up.
i don't blame non-americans for their resentment against the sphere of influence of us politics but i wish they would be less dismissive of the genuine effects this election will also have within america.
acting as though anybody doesn't have the right to be scared about the implications of this result is shortsighted at best. my concern goes beyond my own afflictions – how can you say that concern is misplaced?
i have more but i think that's it for now bc its kind of exhausting to talk about. and i guess what's done is done. idk. i'm not hopeless at all. but i'm fearing more and more than the hope i insist on having is childish. but the alternative is complete self-destruction and i have no intention of going down that road again. so childish hope it is.
#idgaf if no one reads this i just needed to post it in a place where i thought it wouldn't really generate that much noise#fortunately none of my family or friends voted for trump. so i haven't had to have any hard conversations yet regarding that#but i still don't want to talk about the election in general with them because we're all pretty upset about it#anyways. probably going to log off for a while because the only thing i really talk about on here is sports#and all of my sports are going badly at the moment anyway#and i'm busy and finding it hard to focus with everything that's going on and i think tumblr is just pissing me off too much at the moment#not that people are doing things wrong but i'm just finding myself getting more and more reactive and i don't think that's a good mindset--#to be in when participating in an online community#i guess my point is when i say i'm going to log off its not some sort of dramatic move or anything#i am just trying to consolidate my mental energy#obviously the stress of the situation is just making me more reactive than normal and i don't know how long itll take for me to cool down#i also think i've found that tumblr tends to tank my mental health sometimes because i get too comfortable doomposting#which is like the opposite of what i should be doing right now#so again i think i just need to screw my head back on before i decide to dive back in and pretend things are normal#anyways. sorry. yeah. its been a long couple of days
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i will admit i did watch that video of that guy butchering that alligator and every time he made a comment about how fatty the tail was i was like. taking notes.
#the way the tail looked when he broke it down was FASCINATING to me. the way the muscles were grouped.#idk what 🐟s looks like in there i dont think theres a realistic analogue for it but i do think its about 70% muscle tissue?#maybe more? or less when theyre eating consistently#i think they mostly stay really scrawny no matter how much they eat but when they eat better their 🐟 traits get more exaggerated.#takes a lot of energy to make new stuff#so i think it would accelerate a lot when they first leave oz and everyone is eating a Lot just because they can.#their fins would probably get bigger too#and i do think itd slow down again as they got used to consistently having enough to eat but i do think theyre just gonna keep getting More#for the rest of their life. i think at some point theyre gonna start getting 'fins' like. webbing style between their fingers and#maybe between their arms and chest. and i think their back fin is one of the main things that gets noticably a lot bigger really fast#have i mentioned before that i think give them another 20ish years and itll be so cumbersome to be on land that theyre just gonna have#to retire basically#i think about them settling on a river or lake or coast somewhere and just getting to be mermaid boyfriend#i do think theyd still drag themself up onto land especially to hang out with hog but they wouldnt go very far#theyre kind of a lazy shit anyways i think theyd be pretty content to do little tasks around the house and take sunnaps#i like imagining like a little house right on the water just stilts. so they can just pull themself right up without having to walk far#because i imagine itd be a total pain. heavy tail thats probably longer than they are tall...#but do like thinking abt them taking naps on a little dock while hog fishes. sighs.
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... Can I eat the art?...
OF COURSEEE!!!! though i do not have any new art to offer so itll have to be leftovers im afraid 💔💔
#sorry for being dead omg seasonal depression is BEATING MY ASS#but i am currently drawing something 👍#though itll probably take a while before i post it. n im also just working at my own slow pace#Plus i cannot stop playing identity v and lethal company with my friends#the gamer grind got to me#(and i like hanging out w my friends)#so thats why ive been DEAD#ask
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thinkin abt. zen and izana both being upset abt harutos absent parent ways but only for each others sake
#zen never feeling the absence bc his brother is always near but being upset for HIM bc he didnt have anyone like that nd ofc the#fact that zen knew he wasnt enough to ease his brothers burdens#and izana taking on everything bc he feels he Has to while also thinking of his baby brother whos so much younger than him and not ready#for any of this and will probably barely remember his father and at this rate itll be the same w his mother#just. man. idk#they were soo unhealthily codependent when they were younger i can feel it#distant screeching#violet memoirs
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Okay crew. I have three hours to get out of my apartment and get going to my parents' house. I don't have to pack my mattress or get rid of my furniture anymore because my strong af girlfriend helped me take care of it. I just have to fit what I can into my van (not a lot) and abandon the rest. Then drive four hours. Wish me luck. I'll need it.
#when i wrote this in my head it konda sounds like a general inspiring his troops#except im both the general and the troops#oh god i have three hours to condense my life into my minivan#i took 70mg of vyvanse and i feel great. i think im gonna take 30 mg more just because i have to get rid of it#see i stole the 30mg from my brother and im about to go see him. i dont want him searching my shit and finding his own meds#its okay he only takes these meds while hes in school. and i stole them over winter break#please only take medicine that is your own. dont fuck with prescriptions that belong to other people. do as i say not as i do#holy shit im not okay#i went to my fav local coffee shop today for the last time and started tearing up while i was there#im gonna miss this place#im moving across the country to live with my sibling#and honestly i dont think its gonna be my forever home. i think this is just a much-needed adventure and change of pace#i can see myself living in this city for years and years. but im still leaving#i know i need to leave. i need to live with someone. be with family. i need to get out of my shit job. i need a new start#so itll be worth it. but i think ill probably come back here eventually. idk. but for now im leaving. i need to go#i need to go in three fucking hours
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should i watch a 3 hour 4chan deep dive video yes/no
#text#i need 2 find smth to do w my hands bc ive been picking n biting at them more 😕 tho i just got back on my ocd meds so itll probably#be better in a couple weeks#ive been sewing a lot recently but .well its smth to do while i watxh/listen to videos#id paint but thats too messy for Sitting in bed i think. and takes too much brain
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im trying to convince myself to stay productive . since im here i should use the sewing machine and cut more pieces of fabric but im just so tired. i need to put on a no commentary longplay of some video game so i can focus
#man . Man#im not gonna take a nap itll fuck up my sleep schedule again#but i just dont want to do ANYTHING rn#sam.txt#'when will you finally jusy quit your job so you can ACTUALLY be productive' probably not for a good while yet
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#my mom: u should maybe start taking birth control to regulate ur mood#me: meh whatever. its not like that bad#cut to one week later where im vibrating out of my skin while sick. transitioning into random undirected terror. transitioning into#a loss of focus and brainfog. exacly on schedule#i am laying on the floor. im like. ive got the hysteria. bleh. i was supposed to go into thr lab but im so. dont wanna stand up#also a fucking mosquito bit me on thr back of thr knee and im mildly allergic so it's super swollen#ugh. and i fucking cant find an apartment. god. college towns. housing shortage. fucking bullshit#my apartment rn is 600 including utilities and its a nice lil studio. there the cheapest i can find is like 850 for a place with 4#roomates. ive been spoiled by living here for 4 years. ugh. i just wanna kno i have a place to go#i also wanna b able to focus. and draw. and not work here anymore lol#but whatever. itll b fine. probably less than 2 months left now#unrelated#i feel like a victorian maiden. take me to the countryside for treatment. banish me out into nature. that will heal me
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