#it's what she holds onto when mulder is abducted

[deathsbestgirl]

thinking about how i said once that maggie & melissa probably told scully about how mulder was when she was gone...and i don't think that's completely right actually.

mulder & scully don't talk about those things. when they have serious conversations, it's so indirect. they're much more comfortable discussing the work, sharing some facts & stories. they trust each other, but feelings are still dangerous territory. how important they are to each other, well they know. the longer they're together, the less they can deny it. and by the cancer arc, scully knows what losing her would do to him.

but it isn't because maggie & melissa told her anything. they may have hinted, but i think maggie largely stays out of her children's affairs. she lets things happen, and she's there when they come to her. and i think she knows pushing scully is not the way to go. maggie knows dana, and she will always move at her own pace, make her own choices, share what she chooses to share. and melissa...while i could see her butting in much more than maggie, i don't think what she would divulge to scully would be detailed either. like. i can imagine her telling scully how he was in a dark place, she could see it in his aura, or how hard it was to get through to him but because of what scully "told" her about him, she knew he would do the right thing in the end. it would be very melissa oriented information.

this is something scully would already understand. mulder has never given up on samantha, he doesn't give up on any of the victims of their cases until he sees a body. she knows how mulder is. and he's let on that she is important to him. 'i still have my work. and i still have you' — which to me, is putting her on at least the same level.

when she's back, she knows how it affects him because mulder tries to stop her going on the firewalker case. it's similar to beyond the sea where he showed concern for her personal wellbeing, and she's already told him she wouldn't put herself on the line for anyone but him, that she trusts only him and he returned the sentiment. scully dragged him out of his depression after losing the files. meeting with him clandestinely, helping him with cases. she didn't let him wallow & drown. scully knows he did everything he could to save her, and to find her.

and it's reinforced over and over again. in firewalker, irresistible, paper clip, pusher, memento mori, demons.

i've said that scully was so concerned in little green men when he didn't see her because he always sees her. she always sees him too. they both pay so much attention to the other. she doesn't need anyone to tell her about mulder. she doesn't have to ask. and that's something i think maggie & melissa could see. if they told scully anything, it was of their own volition, not prompted by scully. the end hospital scene in one breath said it all. mulder had a silly gift for her, and only returned scully's necklace to her when she tells him "i had the strength of your beliefs." scully heard what he said to her when she was in a coma. about belief. she remembers telling him she's afraid to believe. she knows he wants to believe. it's why she came back in the first place.

[actual-changeling]

Do you think after her abduction (and subsequent return), Mulder took some pictures of her under the guise of playing around with a Polaroid camera?

Because he realised, down alone in the basement again, that he doesn't have a single picture of her smiling? And he remembers, god, of course he remembers, but there's a seed of fear growing in his chest.

What if he forgets? What if he forgets the exact way her eyes crinkle when she laughs at one of his stupid jokes? What if he forgets how she tilts her head when she tries to hide a smile? the shape of her lips? The way the sunlight sets her hair on fire and illuminates her freckles?

He remembers now, but what if she doesn't come back and he forgets? What if she comes back and turns her back on the X files for good?

What if he spends the rest of his life trying to burn the image of Scully in the light of the projector—long hair, an oversized blazer, a spy, someone to distrust, someone already splitting him open—into his mind?

She comes back, she stays, and he is still looking at her like she is going to disappear again the second he stops.

So he starts taking pictures. Scully preoccupied with a case file, one heel kicked off so she could fold her leg underneath her, her hair falling into her face, and he is grabbing the camera from the top drawer before he can stop himself. She blinks and looks over at him, trying to be upset and failing, and he takes another one of her smiling at him.

Mulder, and her voice is soft around the edges; she doesn't say anything else. He keeps the pictures, half expecting her to steal them when he isn't there, yet she never does.

Scully leaning against the desk with her arms crossed, Scully in the light of the projector, Scully writing, typing, sorting, drinking coffee early in the morning. On one memorable occasion, she dozes off, her face turned towards him, and when he takes the pictures after draping his coat over her shoulders, he leaves it on the desk for her to find.

Keep it, as she hands it back to him, and they never talk about it. Then he almost dies, and she empties out a drawer for herself; he doesn't mind having a camera pointed at his face when it's her holding it.

They never talk about it, but it's something. Something solid, something to hold onto, something to soothe the concern bleeding within both of them.

They take pictures.

Just because. Just in case. Just to make sure they cannot disappear, no matter what.

[mytardisisparked]

Toothbrushes

While Doggett searches Mulder's apartment during "The Gift," he finds evidence that connects some non-case-related dots.

Read on AO3

The apartment is only a little dusty, which is a miracle, considering how long he’s been gone. The fish in the corner bookshelf seem content and their tank is fairly clean; a testament to Scully’s care. Doggett appreciates that she looks after her partner’s pets and home while he’s gone. There is a special kind of trust there, in giving a key to your home to someone else and knowing they will know what to do in the event that something happens to you.

Doggett tries not to think about the lockpicks in his breast pocket.

He gives the fish a little feed as a way of apologizing for disturbing their afternoon, disturbing their home.

He’s opened all the drawers in the living room with little to show for it. It’s mostly papers, supplies, bills, mail, and the occasional case file borrowed from the basement. Nothing of note. 

Despite the clutter, which Doggett feels a little bad adding to, the living room does not yield the gun he suspects Mulder has hidden here somewhere. 

He moves to the bedroom. The carpet is clean and appears to be fairly new. The mattress and bed frame are the same. He can��t help but wonder what might make a guy buy all new carpet and bedding at the same time, but he lets that thought go after failing to find anything of interest under the bed or around it, aside from a few shoe boxes full of trinkets. The nightstand is clean and holds only a few small items – a generic medicated chapstick, a photo of a young boy and girl that Doggett assumes must be Mulder and his abducted sister, and a baseball cap that says “STONEHENGE ROCKS” on it in bold letters. 

As Doggett smiles and looks at the hat, his eye catches on a small, black box tucked underneath. He sets the hat on the bed and picks up the box, his heart skipping a beat when he realizes that it’s covered in velvet.

He swallows and opens the box, finding exactly what he expected inside: an engagement ring. Judging by the wear on it, it’s old – perhaps it belonged to Mulder’s recently deceased mother? He relaxes. Carefully, he replaces the box in the drawer and sets the hat back on top of it before rocking back onto his heels and taking a deep breath.

He moves to the closet next, finding a few boxes of files inside, all pertaining to the Samantha Mulder case. They’re covered in dust. Doggett thumbs through them briefly, but finds that most of them are out-of-date. He figures Mulder has kept them for sentimental reasons, or as backups. Hanging above the boxes are a few suitjackets and a collection of the ugliest ties Doggett has ever seen. He smiles as he examines a few, reminded of the ties he wore back in the 80s. 

The bathroom is clean and well-organized. The medicine cabinet has a handful of bottles; mostly NSAIDs, but there are a few others that he assumes were for managing Mulder’s illness. There are some band-aids and other basic first-aid items. Most of the first-aid kit appears to have been used – par for the course, Doggett supposes, when you’re working the X-Files.

Under the sink is a plunger, shaving supplies, and an unopened box of tampons. Doggett nods at that – he always kept a box in his glove-box for his female coworkers, too. Beside it is a hairdryer and a scrub brush for the toilet.

Doggett stands and takes one last look around the bathroom for anything he missed. His eyes stop on a small cup by the sink.

The cup holds a comb, a tube of toothpaste, and toothbrushes.

Two toothbrushes. Equally used.

Doggett suddenly feels his cheeks heat. Investigating the life of an agent he has been tasked to find is one thing, but those toothbrushes mean that he’s looking at someone else’s life, too. Her life. Agent Scully’s life.

He knew that Mulder and Scully were close and that their relationship probably crossed more than one professional boundary, but he has never asked, never dared to assume. It’s none of his business and he doesn’t need to know.

But those toothbrushes…

The persistent, hard look in Scully’s eyes makes sense now that he has a better approximation of how far this goes, how entwined their lives really are. He can’t help but wonder what she was like before Mulder disappeared, what she would be like if she was happy.

What she’s like when she’s with the man she loves.

Doggett backs out of the bathroom and looks away from the toothbrushes. He feels a little sick to his stomach about it, but he needs to keep looking for that gun. He makes for the dining room and kitchen, hoping that space feels less sacred.

[xf-cases-solved]

S2E6: Ascension

Case: Part two of our three part (+ one fever dream) arc begins with a very Will Graham-esque "this is my design" bit with Mulder visiting Scully's apartment, which has now become a crime scene. (Ik X-Files predates Hannibal, it's just what it reminded me of, leave me alone. Plus, Red Dragon predates X-Files by over a decade, soooo) 

Anyway, Scully has been kidnapped by Duane Barry, oopsie daisy! He needs someone to take his place for the next abduction, and he has selected Scully for the job. Good thing Mulder and Krycek are on the case and manage to get her home safe and sound before the end credits roll!

Or... maybe actually they do the opposite of that.

Mulder gets progressively scruffier throughout the episode and nearly kills himself and Krycek on the road bc he hasn't been sleeping since Scully got kidnapped; Scully loses her necklace for the first, but CERTAINLY not last time; Mulder and Krycek take a couple's vacation to a ski resort and Mulder holds a tram operator at gunpoint for suggesting that the tram is "not safe"; Krycek messes up his carefully slicked back hair while pistol whipping the tram operator and then fails to murder Mulder in what may or may not end up being just one of many assassination failures in his pathetic assassin career; Scully is taken by "THEM!" (whoever they are); Duane Barry is dead and the military performs the autopsy bc "there wasn't an FBI pathologist available this morning" (☹️); and Assistant Director Skinner apparently has had the power to reopen the X-Files this whole time??

Does someone die in the cold open: No, but Mulder does do the worst consoling job ever by approaching Scully's mom with Scully's blood on his outstretched hand and then staring blankly at her when she asks where her daughter is.

Does Mulder present a slideshow: This man should not be operating any sort of heavy machinery be it a car, a tram, or an early 1990s projector. (Of the three, though, the only one he doesn't operate during this episode is the projector.)

Does the evidence survive the investigation: Loooool. Nah. Scully's gone, Duane Barry is dead, Krycek has disappeared, and Mulder is left with nothing but some overgrown stubble, scruffy hair, and a worsening of his already substantial insomnia problem.

Whodunit: THEM!!! (Aliens? The shadow government? Both? Neither? Who's to say?)

Convictions: Oh hon. You had to have known Duane Barry was never getting out of this alive, right?

Did they solve it: I am going to go with "no, but." No, but Mulder (and Skinner) are at least aware that they have been massively screwed over, and so Skinner reopens the X-Files in retaliation, and I'll consider that a leveling up. You may have lost all your evidence, almost got framed for murder (tho tbf you did strangle the shit out of him), and got your only real friend in the world abducted by aliens/the shadow government/THEM, but at least you got your special files back, Mulder! I'm sure the first X-Files case you take on after their reopening will be very important, and not one that is just a fourteen year old emo kid's wet/fever dream fantasy...

But, ah, you know what? I'm getting ahead of myself. Ad break! 

[how do i determine if a case is solved? check the scale here: x]

THIS EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: Quitting your job and disconnecting your home phone number. Are you currently leading a double life, pretending to be someone you're not in order to gain the trust of someone you intend to royally fuck over for your bosses in the shadow government? Have you completed your mission and are ready to move onto bigger and better* things? Well, then that means it's time for you to try quitting your job and disconnecting your home phone number! Don't worry, it's the 90s, you don't have a cell phone with a tracker on it, nobody will be able to find you. Go live your life, free as a bird. I mean, at least for now... *We do not guarantee that the things you move onto will be bigger, and we CERTAINLY don't guarantee that the things you move onto will be better. In fact, they might be worse. There's actually a high likelihood that they will indeed be worse. But don't worry about that right now. Everything is going to be probably possibly maybe just fine.

***

General Total Stats:

(green means stat has changed since last ep; red means new stat added to list)

Total Cases *Definitively* Solved So Far: 15 (streak not broken bc i didn't bother to restart it in the first place 👉🏽😎👉🏽)

Total Number of "Mulder/Scully, It's Me": 9 (teeeechnically she does say "mulder, it's me" in this episode, but it's the same one from the end of the previous episode, so counting it felt like cheating)

Total Number of Times Scully Has Conveniently Not Seen Something Crucial: 6

Total Number of Times Mulder Has Been in Mortal Danger: 10 ½ (if only krycek were competent 😔) 

Total Number of Times Scully Has Been in Mortal Danger: 10 (i think as long as we don't know her whereabouts it's valid to consider her as being in mortal danger)

Total Number of Sexually Charged, Uncomfortably Intimate, and/or Flirty Moments Between Friendly Coworkers: 15 (mulder climbing a hill and staring longingly at the sky is so insanely melodramatic that i'm counting it)

Total Number of Autopsies Scully Has Performed On Screen: 5 (ngl the line "there wasn't an fbi pathologist available this morning" hits the feels a bit)

Total Number of Times Scully Plays Doctor: 2

Total Number of Times Mulder Talks to an Informant: 19!! (and he was extremely unhelpful 😃)

Total Number of Times People Making Out in a Car Are Hurt or Killed: 2

Total Number of Times Someone Correctly Guesses a Password: 3 

Total Number of (Plot Relevant) Nosebleeds: 5

Total Number of Times Mulder Has Tasted/Sniffed/Touched Something Questionable Without Following Proper Safety Procedures: 3 (no, but he did completely ignore all warnings in regards to using the unstable tram thing, which is similar in spirit, if not in practice)

Total Number of Times Someone Says "Trust No One": 3 

Total Number of Times Someone Says "I Want to Believe": 4 

Total Number of Times Someone Says "The Truth is Out There": 2 

Total Number of Cigarettes Cigarette Smoking Man Has Smoked: 13 (but he NEVER. FUCKING. FINISHES THEM. look at that fucking ashtray at the end of the episode. he takes like one drag and then puts them out. why? why not smoke the whole thing?? drives me insane)

Total Number of Maggie Scully Sightings: 2! (she's not having a good time!)

Total Number of Lone Gunmen Sightings: 2

Total Number of Alex Krycek Sightings: 3!!!!!! (get outta town, rat boy! no, seriously, get outta town. we'll call you when we need you to fuck something up later)

Total Number of Times I Had to Look Up What State the Episode Takes Place in Even Though I Literally Just Watched It: 11½ (ascend to the stars, mother fucker)

Total Number of Times I Had to Look at an Episode's Wikipedia Page to Fill This Out Because It Was Fucking Confusing and/or Too Boring for Me to Pay Attention: 5

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s4 episode 4 thoughts

woohoo!! it feels, again, like our separation has been so long, but it has been about… 3 whole days. oh, how i miss the earlier months in which i had time to post episode thoughts every day… 

this episode sounds interesting!!! no idea how someone’s thoughts could be captured on film, but we do a lot of disbelief suspension around these parts, with varying levels of success.

wait. hold on. i just saw the description for the episode after this one. what the hell is mulder getting himself into with that. do we need more mulder ex lore? i don’t need that. it doesn’t make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. 

putting aside my many questions on that matter to focus on what is here in front of us.

(author’s note post-episode: …. woaghhh. scully…)

in all honesty, having processed my thoughts, i think this one was just a LITTLE bit too intense for me. which i recognize is okay, and to each their own. but i need to speak my Truth.

liveblogging commences below 

we begin with this sketchy looking dude, who is being rude as hell to a woman putting on lipstick before getting a passport photo taken. god forbid a woman want to serve… then he says to act natural while not acting natural himself. HYPOCRITE!

she goes in for a passport photo and…. she left her money in the car! she must return to this unfortunate man and go get it. but someone is following her…. 

he did something to her… and she gets back to the car to “billy”, but someone did something to him, too!! he appears to be dead and bleeding from the ear!! then she falls to the ground and tries to crawl to safety, but the mystery man in the yellow rain jacket comes back for her…. 

and the man in the photo store looks at the passport photos, but despite taking just a standard headshot, he sees the woman’s dying face in the images!!

oh. that is an unpleasant day on the job for such a nice seeming man.

this intro always makes me laugh... i’m sorrrrryyy the ufo pictures just remind me that this show is fundamentally unserious 

scully and mulder are rolling up to a town in michigan, while he asks her for any thoughts on the case. it appears this woman was abducted three days ago. and billy was punctured in the brain. yuck.

okay, so her name is mary. and this poor pharmacist…. he has to take people’s pictures, and give them drugs, AND deal with this nonsense 

they are at the pharmacy where the “druggist” (they keep using that term which i have never heard before) is showing them his camera, which he keeps under lock and key, and i notice he has some fun candy in the background. but i assume things are not fun at this time for him. 

scully wants to see the camera, and mulder takes a step back to let her pass. it kinda looks like he does that thing where he touches her back, but it’s hard to tell. and once again for all readers, that thing where men touch your back is only attractive when it’s mulder to scully and not between some randos!

scully notices something on the pharmacist’s foot, and also that the film is out of date. she is always noticing things. one of her many lovely qualities. 

mulder calls the pharmacist “bruno hauptman” and i don’t get that reference so i do what i do best: go to wikipedia. oh! bruno is the guy that was executed for kidnapping the lindbergh baby. i don’t know why i thought that mystery was unsolved. i guess it’s because the article is saying it was a heavily criticized and debated case. huh, a mystery for another time.

anyway, mulder is saying this all tauntingly with his stupid beautiful mulder smile, but scully is saying yeah, this nice old pharmacist doesn’t look like a usual suspect.

but she does point out that the film has heat damage, and a heater is right there… “so you think that would make it look like she posed screaming for a passport photo?” <- LMAO MAN LET HER FINISH

BAHAHA she is onto nothing 🔥🔥 

“plus, the film is two years out of date” “oh” the- the photographic chemistry could have changed” (mulder nodding) “uh-huh” “the- the dyes fade… they… alright, what’s your theory?” <- BAHAHA love that… you have to admit when you don’t know wtf is going on! i had full confidence she would pull something out of her science-y brain, but sometimes you just don’t know!

(this stupid scene had me giggling, as did her face of resignation)

mulder seems to ALSO have no idea wtf is going on, but as they discuss this, a police officer walks in and says they might have wasted the agents’ time…. what does that mean? did they figure it out that quick?

back at the house of the victims, they meet a postal inspector. okay!!! that’s fun and different. and i pause to write this down, and scully is SO beautiful, i actually might blow up. a full on explosion where once stood me is liable to go down. oh my gooooood.

okay: postal inspector is investigating a mail theft. mary had been working at the postal office, stealing people’s credit cards, and her boyfriend was signing them! oh! very illegal. inspector seems to think she faked her disappearance, but mulder points out that would not explain the stabbing of the boyfriend. also, they have this creepy ass broccoli magnet on their fridge which. bleugh. it did not spark joy.

mulder wants a camera from their house, and he finds one! did he just. take a picture of scully…? oh my god. he said “stand back, scully, it’s loaded” and took one… he didn’t even let her pose or anything… that's so cute... even if it's a little weird to use a dead person's camera from a crime scene... he wanted to take her picture

no, i am all wrong, for it appears he is just… taking random photos. because someone in the 60’s once claimed that he could concentrate really hard on undeveloped film and show his thoughts. uh. press f to doubt.

(man, i want to live in that very brief and exciting moment where i thought he was taking a cute little candid of her again… it was so blissful there)

wait. what da hell. he just clicked the camera a bunch of times and it comes up with the screaming mary photo again and again.

oh… he thinks that someone was stalking mary, and the stalker’s psychic energy altered the film by him coming in its proximity. i didn't realize that was how psychic powers worked but i am listening and learning

scully says that these images had to be doctored, which is, again, a reasonable conclusion, but he asks her to “what if” the situation and just think about it!!! just imagine!!!

cutscene to… someone crawling on the side of the road. it’s mary!!! she’s bleeding from her eyes (?) and not responding at all to the police car arriving behind her.

now she is in a stretcher at the hospital that our agents are helping to steer. they are kind like that. she had a “painkiller cocktail” in her system, but that wouldn’t account for her condition. scully orders a PET scan for her, a term i have never heard before. i love when she uses terms i have never heard before.

they’re putting mary in what looks like an MRI sort of thing to look at her brain. whatever it is, it is clearly very bad, as told by scully’s visible reaction and audible declaration of “oh my god”, while mulder looks at her and asks “what is it”? 

(and while i appreciate that this is a sensitive moment for our story, mulder not knowing wtf is going on with these medical things always is a favorite trope of mine, 1. because me too, and 2. he is usually such an insufferable know-it-all i love watching him admit when he knows nothing. humility!)

oh my god… “she has been given what’s called a transorbital lobotomy” <- oh that does NOT sound good… it used to be known as an ice pick lobotomy!!! oh my gosh i’ve heard of that one!! ice pick… eye sockets… i can feel myself growing faint…

but whoever did it, did it wrong… who would do a lobotomy without knowing how to do it the right way???

in the machine, mary is mumbling!! she is saying “unruhe” according to the closed captioning, but it just sounds like faint groaning to me. however, given that this phrase is the title of the episode, i venture to guess that it IS in fact relevant.

a policeman bursts in and says there has been a second abduction, and our agents look deeply sorrowful at this news, seeming to know what will happen next if they cannot crack the case.

oh! now we are seeing the new victim, and whoever took her is in fact saying “unruhe”, and other stuff in german! NO! he pulls out a pick…. fade to black. 

WHO in this small seeming town speaks german and has a psychic effect on cameras… ?? i hope this can be narrowed down to a slim pool of candidates!!

scully is going into the next crime scene, where mulder reports that a man has been murdered, and his secretary alice taken. this is not good.

mulder has been looking into what that word alice was mumbling means- first in a phone book, but then as a translation, i guess, because it means “trouble” in german.

WOAH, WHAT?

! SCULLY LORE REVEAL ! she took german in college!!! and knows that the word is more accurately translated as “unrest”! 

(oh my gosh, i need to get back into compiling lore reveals at the end of each season like i did for s1…. good thing i take such detailed notes so i can go back and do them for s2 and s3)

((we didn’t get a ton in the last 2 seasons, so i thought of doing one post for both seasons- but the organization freak in me wants to do 1 per season, so i’ll go through them again and see what i can find when i get bored someday))

scully hands him a photo from the first crime scene, but mulder says the criminal wasn’t there, because if he was, he would have altered the photos. scully seems annoyed that he’s looking for psychic photos and not crime scene evidence, but he explains that whoever did this has to be very good, and photos may be their only lead since he doesn’t seem to know he is doing it. but then scully sees something and her eyes go SUPER wide… and she says she wants to show him something. 

oh! they find a construction company’s logo at both sites. so maybe the criminal worked at places under construction and was able to kidnap the women…? this theory is brought to you by scully.

he says she might be right, but he is going back to DC to get analysis on the photo. she still is skeptical, but he says that since the woman’s time is running out, that’s all the more reason to analyze the one piece of hard evidence they do have, and that he’ll be in touch. 

he must have really cared if he said he’ll be in touch, because usually he just runs off to god knows where to do god knows what. 

(and how much time would they even HAVE if he has to drive all the way back??? that isn’t a quick trip, is it???)

the same criminal dude from before is now saying stuff in german and taping alice’s mouth shut, while mulder is back in the photo lab sitting practically on top of this nerdy yet attractive fellow, asking for the blurriness in the image to be reduced. and it reveals very scary looking demon things! 

mulder sees someone in the back of the photo… and they get a more enhanced image on the face, but it isn’t clear to me who it is. i felt like i was supposed to know who it was, but luckily i wasn't!

scully is ordering people out to canvas and investigate the employees who may have been working at both construction sites. i like when she does that.

mulder and the lab guy figure out that there is a shadow in the background of the photo from the kidnapper. “he’s standing over her, he means to pass judgement on her, like a god” <- an unsettling thing to say, mr. spooky

scully rolls up to one of the construction sites and i’m thinking, oh please, do not get kidnapped, please please, it’s not something we need today. she’s yelling “hello” and no one is answering... but she hears something….. 

it’s a… guy on stilts? it’s the foreman named gerry. oh… could he have made the big shadow in the picture his stilts? but he doesn’t sound german…

mulder calls and says the kidnapper’s legs are unusual, either he’s very tall or he wants to be. stilts man?!?! is it you?!

instead of playing it chill upon hearing this news, she hangs up on mulder, and turns to gerry and says “unruhe”, pulling out her gun. but he uses his stilts to jump across the building! only to collapse and fall. his getaway is thwarted as scully tells him to stop or she’ll shoot, and to prove her seriousness, she does so. but i’m not buying he’s the guy!! sorry my queen!!

NO!! I WAS FOOLED, WASN’T I??? she reaches into his pocket and pricks her finger!!! NOOO! it’s a huge pick in there! like we saw before at the kidnapping!!

is she gonna be drugged from that….

(thankfully, the pick itself did not contain the drugs)

they’re interrogating the dude, and he denies everything. i mean, i guess a lot of people could have stilts and a pick at construction sites. maybe they didn't grab the right fellow.

he says that tool is used to start keyholes in the sheetrock and all fixtures. a good excuse…

but he really does seem confused. 

however, mulder brings up that gerry was arrested before, for attacking his father with an axe handle until he spent the rest of his life in a wheelchair. OH! this is not promising.

gerry says that he was institutionalized, which mulder reveals was for a schizophrenic disorder. gerry claims that since his release, he had been taking care of his father 24/7, until he passed away in january. well i’m not entirely sure if that makes amends, but i guess it’s better than nothing?

“and how did you feel about that?” asks mulder about gerry's father's death, sounding very much like the psychology expert i sometimes forget that he is. then he reveals that the same year gerry attacked his father, gerry’s sister passed. connected….?

gerry is staring intently back at scully, saying that she looks troubled. oh! do not talk to her that way.

then mulder comes in with the enhanced photo from earlier, and asks if it shows gerry’s father. he seems taken aback, like it really is his father, and then further taken aback when he pulls out the full photo and asks if those demons figures are what he sees when he closes his eyes. this finally gets gerry to crack and say that he knows where alice is, and that she is safe, “from the howlers”. HUH? 

(is it bad my thoughts went straight to a howler monkey when he said that? i was thinking man, monkeys do not look like that at all. you and i have seen some different monkeys, gerry. but no, he does not refer to those types of howlers)

a ton of cop cars are arriving in the woods, to find alice, who is bleeding from the eyes, which can only mean one thing in this context. oh noooo. scully seems horrified and as if she is blaming herself 

oh, we get a very charged exchange here. she says it doesn’t matter what is in the photos, or if it shows gerry’s dreams or nightmares, because it’s over, and they couldn’t save alice. she starts the engine, and when i think she’s gonna drive off without mulder, he hops in. i bet that guilt that doctors feel when that cannot save a patient is even worse in her than in usual doctors, because she also has to deal with trying to rescue people from crime. :(

gerry is being taken in and photographed by the cops. but instead of a mugshot, when we see the picture, it’s the guy who was taking him in with a bullet hole in his head. oh! so that seems to confirm earlier suspicions on behalf of mulder. 

OH NO!! gerry reaches out and grabs the gun from the cop! NOOO! 

mulder points out that the image from that interaction showed the man shot in the head, but in reality, he was shot in his throat. so i guess it’s not based on reality as much as his intentions? sure, why not. and scully says there was a robbery at the pharmacy back where the very first photo was taken. no! our druggist friend!

gerry took all of the film in the store and a ton of drugs for more “twilight sleep”, which is a bad sign. i think i’ve seen this film before…

scully thinks that perhaps he was stalking his next victim at the construction site, and i’m thinking, girl i think he picked out his victim alright, but i don’t think she’s in the apartments.

mulder wants to wait a bit for his photo to come out. so he sends her to pull the car around and i’m screaming NO, NO, DON’T SEPARATE, NOT WITH A GUY ON THE LOOSE WHO LOOKED AT HER AND SAID “YOU LOOK TROUBLED” AFTER DOING 2 DIY LOBOTOMIES ON OTHER WOMEN AND KILLING 2 OTHER MEN! JUST WAIT A MINUTE AND WALK TO THE CAR TOGETHER!!!

but she cannot hear me….

NO! as she unlocks the car, a hand from beneath reaches out and pierces her foot with a needle NOOOO… and it’s gerry and she’s going down and NOOOOOO!!!!

AND MULDER PULLS THE PHOTO OUT TO FIND GERRY WAS THINKING OF SCULLY WHEN IT WAS TAKEN!

he is RUNNING after that car. despite his best efforts, even trackstar mulder is not as fast as a car, yet he follows her and screams her name regardless. until he realizes he will not win this race.

back at the police office, mulder is STARING at that photograph, the one showing scully being taken by these horrific creatures known as “the howlers”. he’s asking for any leads, including “does he have a summer house? a winter house?” which could be seen as desperation for answers or mulder being out of touch with how many people grew up with summer houses, take your pick.

OH! in gerry’s wallet was his father’s obituary. and his father was a dentist… and the name sounds german… 

so they go to his old dentist’s office, where they did an ad for the pain medicine cocktail he’s been cooking up. and mulder finds a footprint and a missing dentist’s chair. 

NO!! scully is in the dentist’s chair at some undisclosed location. waking up to find her arms and legs bound with a pick on the table and gerry in the distance. she’s watching him…. and she says to let her go. 

he begins his german ranting that has happened before the other lobotomies, and she… RESPONDS???? in clumsy german??? she says she has no unrest and doesn’t need saving, but he insists she does??? WHAT!!!

good on her for remembering some words after all those years :,)

he says everyone has some unrest, but especially her. she thinks she must remind him of his sister, and they talk about “the howlers”, who live inside your head, and make you say and do things you don’t mean.

so she turns the tables on this, and says maybe there are no such thing as howlers, and maybe he made them up to justify what his father did to his sister, which sets him off further. OH… so she thinks gerry attacking his father and his sister’s death were related. damn… that’s heavy

she tries to convince him that the “howlers” are just in HIS head, and no one else’s, as he approaches with a camera to try and prove they do exist. because cameras cannot lie!!

back at the dentist’s office, mulder appears to be losing it. mumbling about the 6 fingers the howler had in the photos, and yelling “WHY are there 6?” to no one in particular, as if he can find an answer through sheer willpower. one of the cops is asking him what to do while he looks at the obituary and counts five headstones…. and the father makes 6? sure, if that makes sense to you king!

they’re off to the graveyard while scully is still in a mystery location, with tears in her eyes as gerry shows her the photos he took. he takes the photos to mean he doesn’t have much time left, and tapes her mouth… and oh my gosh, i think of what would go down here if i knew she wasn’t gonna pull through… until gerry hears a tapping and MULDER IS LOOKING IN!! YES!!!

gerry is doing this in a camper van! by the graveyard!!! mulder is peeking in, sees a tooth keychain, and realizes she’s in there!!!! he’s yelling her name, and she’s yelling that she’s in here, while gerry tries to hold her down!!!

mulder’s BEATING on the window of the camper with his hands, and when that doesn’t work, he finds a giant metal pipe and SLAMS it into the window, goes in, and shoots gerry. this escalated quickly, but it was almost not quick enough.

mulder asks if she’s hurt, and neither of them say anything as she walks out, with mulder kneeling down to see that the last photos gerry had taken were of himself dead on the floor. it’s a terribly thick tension that reminds me of the ending to irresistible, but without the tension bursting like it did in that episode with her finally revealing her fear to him. i wish that she did it again this time. 

scully is doing the episode wrap up, sounding terribly solemn. she is reporting that gerry had written a diary intended as a letter for his father, including the list of the women he hoped to “save”. and her name is the last entry. she has no explanation for the photographs. but she empathized with him, which her survival depended upon.

“i see now the value of such insight. for truly to pursue monsters, we must understand them. we must venture into their minds. only in doing so, do we risk letting them venture into ours?” (said while there are tears in her eyes, as she looks at the photograph of her being pulled by the howlers)

WHAT THE HELL.

okay, so chris carter… you and i need to have some words. 

i have a lot of thoughts. perhaps number one: what if mulder had been 5 minutes later… can you imagine him never being able to cope with that….? oh my gosh. oh my gosh. no, i shan’t imagine. but i’m sure they both were imagining it. and that is probably why she couldn’t say anything as she walked out of the camper van. it was too horrific.

second. this was a dark one. i was giggling at first and then it got really dark. lobotomies… are a hard subject.

third. when the writers make the bad guy have a mental illness, i do feel it to be insulting, because we don’t often get a character where a guy with schizophrenia is just a guy doing normal things like working at the store or going to get his oil changed. no, he’s gotta be up to something nefarious. i wish that wasn’t the case and that these episodes didn’t use mental illness in that way, and i understand that things were kind of Like That in the 90’s and arguably still are in media, but it has been observed with distaste. 

okay, final thoughts? like i’ve said before, i believe in gender equality when it comes to kidnapping and rescuing, and i hope that will be evened out at some point. i understand that gerry had a fixation on women for his own personal reasons, but that’s the doyleist vs watsonian debate thing. and i want a 1:1 ratio on who goes about saving the day. although the ratio was uneven in s2, i’m not recalling the ratio from s3, and we’re 4 episodes into s4 with a 1:1 ratio. so i hope that overall, the entire series ratio evens out eventually. damsel in distress is gender neutral

i was actually really invested in this episode, probably because it let us look into scully deeper, and also because the stakes were high, the pacing fast, and the horror a new kind rather than a standard serial killer we get in a lot of episodes. 

but… while i appreciate that, i’m not sure i can say i enjoyed it, you know? because even a “scully speaks german” lore reveal cannot save me from the feeling of… something adjacent to fear? not horror as in “ahhh i’m so scared” but maybe a sort of horror as in “stop putting her into these fuckass situations, let my girl have a day off” and also a bit of terrible grief in knowing that lobotomies were a very real thing and did untold harm. and to be clear, i’m not saying that fact shouldn’t be explored and discussed, i just think that for me it seems to provoke some intense feelings that make me want some fluff. now. 

deliver it. to my door. as we speak. in fact, here is an incomplete list of things i want to read our agents doing in fanfiction form:

apple picking and apple cider sipping, hiking and sharing weird facts they know about the things they encounter (scully will be all “this type of spider has a unique silk production gland” and he’ll be all “this type of wildflower is used to induce hallucinogenic states” while they look at a pretty view), ice skating (can they ice skate? need to explore that), getting ice cream cones, a visit to the beach, decorating for various holidays, a very serious game night- perhaps uno or some sort of trivia where it turns into a real nerd-off, arguing over unsolved mysteries, more implications of them starting a family together if you feel bold and brave, even, but for those who like it more reserved we can just have an aquarium date, watching a meteor shower, scully attempting to understand his fascination with the various sports of the world by tagging along on an anthropological expedition to a knicks game with him, baking, movie theater trip, etc

well! i have gotten myself so enthused at the idea of them doing silly stuff like handing out halloween candy that i have forgotten all about my initial feelings, which shall surely resurface soon when i go through and edit my notes, but you’re gonna sit there and tell me you don’t want to play dolls in your head of them getting hot chocolate together? 

canon? what is canon? c’mere, kid. let’s daydream about them eloping without ever having the “what are we” conversation and ignore the suffering 

[azure-firecracker]

Hi there! For the ask game, what's your favorite episode of The X-Files?

This is DEEPLY late, but I’ll be going through my ask box today since I actually have some free time for once.

I have two favorites as of today, and they’re Irresistible and Demons.

Because seasons 2 and 4 are really sister seasons (at least to me) I really view these episodes as sister episodes too (they’re in a quartet with Unruhe and Anasazi). What sticks out to me is that these episodes are Mulder and Scully’s love letters to one another in the face of extreme trauma.

Irresistible is an episode I’ve talked about at length on here, but it’s always going to be special to me. Scully is possibly the world’s strongest character - she has so many emotional walls and she’s so afraid of letting her pain show, of needing help or being weak or being damaged. But her abduction has left her with all of that baggage, and she projects her own resentment onto her partnership. Not that she thinks Mulder will leave her or anything like that, but she’s terrified of being viewed differently if he sees her fears, her flaws.

Irresistible is his love letter to her because he sees her flaws, her fears, how everything she’s been through has really affected her, and he stays and he holds her for as long as she needs and he lets her be vulnerable and barely says a word.

Demons is the reverse. It’s Scully’s love letter to Mulder in a time when the two of them are drifting apart - because Scully is trying to keep her cancer battle private, and Mulder is being crushed by his own guilt and self-doubt, feeling like he’s failed her and everything that’s happening to her is his fault. And Demons is his reaction to that feeling of failure. It’s his desperation to try anything, even at the expense of himself, because what use does he have anyway if he’s already failed her, and he needs to find something, something to give a meaning to all of this.

And Scully stays, just like Mulder stayed in Irresistible. Because he can self destruct and mess everything up a thousand times and she’s still going to be there to pick up the pieces, to fight for him when the world’s turned against him, and to put her arms around him when everything is over and there’s nothing left but the wreckage.

Irresistible is Mulder saying you can stay. Demons is Scully saying I’m not going anywhere.

[winchesticles67]

The Safety of Guilt

Summary: Mulder's guilt surrounding Scully's abduction

Rating: Teen TW: depression, suicidal ideation, a gun, gun imagery 732 words

Tagging: @today-in-fic

This is set in season 2, sometime between One Breath and Red Museum :)

She came back. She came back and she’s safe. She came back and she’s safe, so why is he sitting on his couch staring at his fully loaded gun? Why does he still blame himself if she’s safe now? Why does he still feel sorry for himself? Why is he still wracked with the kind of guilt that makes him want to empty his clip into his mouth?

It’s not the same, working with her. When he looks at her, all he can see is her gagged and bound in the back of Duane Barry’s car. When she speaks, all he can hear is her voice shouting for help, for his help. When he’s around her, all he feels is guilt, why couldn’t he save her either? Maybe it will be, someday, but it’s not the same working with her, no, not yet. Does she see it too? Does she hear it? Does she feel it?

He shifts, pulling his legs onto the couch and up against his chest. He rests his chin atop his knees and though the action is childish, it comforts him. He fights with himself, wondering if he even deserves to feel this comfort. She couldn’t have felt comfort while she was crammed in that trunk. She couldn’t have felt comfort while she was missing for months, months that she can’t remember. She couldn’t have felt comfort while imprisoned by her own body in a bed in the ICU. So what right does he have to comfort himself?

Occasionally, he imagines what happened. Where she went, what was done to her. He doesn’t welcome it, but alas, the mind can be a cruel thing. He almost wishes he never looked into abductions, alien or not. He hates that he can think of what happened to her. Ignorance is bliss, isn’t that what they say?

It’s strange to him, now that she’s back. Of course, he’d want it no other way, but working without her was something he had to get used to. He got used to it, but now she’s back, and he can’t seem to be able to worm his way back into the dynamic they had. Working without her, he could sit in their office all day and accomplish practically nothing. That doesn’t fly now that she’s back. 

He doesn’t understand why he still feels so unmotivated. He’ll admit, to himself, that she was his motivation. He didn’t see it like that until they got shut down. They were partners, they worked together. And for fucks sake, their department is up and running again, all agents accounted for, so what the hell is holding him back?

He picks up the gun. He knows he isn’t going to do it. Not tonight. He flicks the safety on, then off, then on, over and over again. The gun is heavy in his hands, heavier than usual. He’s not going to do it. The thought is sickeningly tempting. He thinks back to the Eurisko case, when Jerry died. She’d suggested that he talk to someone, and he’d brushed her off. He wonders what she’d say if she could see him now. He flicks the safety off.

He shoots a quick glance at his phone and thinks about calling her. He doesn’t want to wake her and he definitely doesn’t want to have her worrying about him. She’d want him to call her. He flicks the safety back on. Thinking of calling her, of talking, leads him to realising just how quiet his apartment is. The faint sounds of traffic and the hum of his fish tank are the only distinguishable sounds. He finds himself reaching to pick up the phone.

He pulls back. He’ll see her in the morning. He can’t tell if he wants to call her because of some desperate, subconscious need to preserve his life or if he just misses the sound of her voice. A quick glance at the clock tells him he’d be able to get a somewhat decent amount of sleep if he laid down now. 

He sets the gun down on the coffee table. He’ll continue contemplating whether or not he wants to pull the trigger some other time. The thought is always there, either out in the open, like tonight, or buried deep within his mind. Someday it’ll get better, someday that thought won’t be as common, he thinks. He hopes.

[randomfoggytiger]

"Mr. Mulder, I Know Something About You"

(Dedicated to @baronessblixen for her fascinating idea: Bill Scully giving Tom Colton and Ethan Minette binders bulging with dirt on one Fox Mulder. This took a slightly different path, though.)

*****

The first time Bill heard the name Fox Mulder was the day after his sister and her partner were sucked almost dry and hospitalized in Washington State for nearly two weeks. One fuzzy, panicked call from Tara and one fuzzier, harried call from his mom sketched in the slim details: Dana was on the mend, she’d been investigating a missing loggers’ case with her partner--

“What 'partner'? She’s in the field?” 

She had been, for months. He’d forgotten to ask at their father’s funeral, convinced that her height and lack of experience had kept her teaching at Quantico. 

“Dana's mentioned him once before, I think. You know how tight-lipped she is about her life.”  

“Mom, do I need to come home? Is she….”

“No, Bill-- but I’ll call you if she takes a turn for the worse.” 

So, Bill stayed on board; and Dana got better, and Tara celebrated over the phone, and Maggie remembered the name: Fox Mulder. 

*****

The second time Bill heard the name Fox Mulder were the days following his sister’s abduction. 

His mother talked of little else-- with Dana’s captor dead, any possible leads had died with him. There was nothing now but faith and hope.  

“But I believe Fox will call as soon as he finds her.” 

Fox. His sister, Tara had told him, still called him Mulder. Then again, Tara’s attention was currently wrapped up in calendars and planners and endless negatives. For that matter, his was, too; and what little time he had to think of family he thought of her, alone, counting the rising costs of their countless tries, alone, while he worked as often as he could to forget to cover those costs and forget his own loneliness. And his sister, somewhere, alone; and his mother back in Maryland, alone.

Dana and her former partner’s professional relationship wasn’t a top priority, or even a distant concern.  

**** 

The third time Bill heard the name Fox Mulder was after promising his eldest sister that Tara would try her fertility herbs. His wife was curled up on one side, quiet, and Melissa stuck her toes in his other side, slyly smiling.

“Now that that’s out of the way,” she concluded, setting aside the herb pouch and pinning him with her eyes, “why haven’t you given Dana a call? She hasn’t said it, but she’s been expecting one.” 

“Don’t start, Missy.” He’d have disengaged, too, but Tara’s head was pressing into his shoulder, a sure sign she was falling asleep. And sleep was precious these days, what with the hormone shots and regular appointments and never-ending stress. He’d promised to shoulder her stresses for nine more weeks; and whether this was a test or not, Bill Scully had and would never back down from his word. 

Melissa, opportunistic woman that she was, had banked on it, waiting for her sister-in-law’s “dozing” tea to kick in before launching the subject. “Billy, you know you want to talk to her. What’s the problem? I mean, she almost… we almost lost her. Why can’t you let whatever you’re holding onto--” 

“Miss--” he stopped, his voice startling them temporarily.

“You owe it to her, Bill. You two haven’t talked in months; and you both say it’s because of your work but really it’s because of your pride. You’re both so like Dad; but at least Dad was blind to what it did to us."

“And what about Dana? She's back on her feet and running right back to her autopsies and late nights. You can’t point a finger at me without three pointing right back at her. At least I try to be there for my family.” 

“You weren’t there when she was gone.” 

He swallowed, stung and angry. “And who was, Melissa? You?”

Her toes gripped his hip, guilty. “Fox.” 

*****

The fourth time Bill heard Fox Mulder’s name was during his sister’s not-so-secret battle with cancer. His mother called often to vent and cry, unable to share her worries and pain with her only living daughter and unwilling to burden Tara with more stress.  

Fox had become a footnote of late, so consumed was he and Dana in their work. 

“Mom, how can you let Dana run herself down like that? She should be resting or looking into treatments-- anything rather than chasing after rag magazine cases half across the country!” 

“Bill, you know perfectly well not everyone can run to sea to escape their problems. Not even you.” 

*****

The fifth time Bill heard Fox Mulder’s name was after he’d met the man, watched him fill Dana’s head with insane theories about chips and government conspiracies, and backed off, awed, when Dana’s cancer miraculously went into remission. 

He was roaming the halls, searching for coffee to wash down the remainder of his rage at Fox Mulder’s red eyes and dazed expression when he noticed another government type walk stiffly towards the nurse’s desk, brusquely flash a badge, straighten his stiff spine and stiffer tie, and promptly demand to see “Fox Mulder.” 

“I know where he is,” Bill cut in, saving the nurse the hassle but still getting a glare for his trouble. “Bill Scully. How can I help you?”

“Yes-- I was sent to bring him back for questioning; and we’re expected in,” he looked significantly at his watch, “forty minutes. If you would take me to him--”

“Take Mulder where?” Bill snapped around to see Walter Skinner, A.D., striding over, eyebrows drawn and face grim.  

“Yes, Sir. Agent Mulder is being called in for--”

“The committee’s been disbanded until further notice, Agent Colton; and until I have those further orders, my agents are not to be bothered or contacted while they are in this hospital. Is that understood?” 

Bill watched the other man’s jaw lock, grind, and shift as it worked its stubborn way around, “Understood, Sir.” Then Agent Colton turned tail and fled, heels thudding down the tile on their thunderous path to the elevator. 

A.D. Skinner wasn’t done yet. “My apologies, Mr. Scully. That agent was out of line; and I'll see to it that your family isn't bothered again.” 

It was best to nod and let the A.D. think he was frustrated with the intrusion.

Mulder could have been mid-conversation or on his way out by now. Instead, he would still be on that bench long after the family had left for the night. 

He seemed the type. 

*****

The sixth time Bill heard Fox Mulder’s name was over another phone call, mere months before the birth of his child. 

“Bill Scully? You might not remember me, but my name’s Ethan, Ethan Minette, and Dana and I used to date back when, well rather, right after she was recruited by the FBI. She ever mention me? Yes? No? Anyway, not important. Calling about information you might possibly have on, lemme check… Fox? Mulder, yep, Fox Mulder. Dana’s partner? There was a case she was involved in recently, really gruesome, real Frankenstein abomination stuff; and Colton, Tom Colton? You know him? Dana’s friend? Anyway, we keep in touch, we’re related somewhat, you know? And he named you as a hot tip and I was wondering if you…. Yeah, yeah, I can wait.” 

He and Tara fought afterward: Tara, as big as a house, was ready to cave the roof in.

“Dana’s coming for the holidays, Bill! And you two will spend the week in stony silence avoiding each other and, and Maggie and I will have to try to keep the peace instead of celebrating our first Christmas as a growing family, and-- and how could you do that, Bill? After all Fox Mulder did for our family?” 

Bill was lacking even to his ears; and, after cooler heads prevailed, he dialed Ethan back up and insisted his name be kept out of the article. Ethan talked doubly fast, banging a pen up and down every other word for emphasis as he cajoled and steamed about losing necessary credibility; but, inevitably, gave in. 

“I’ll only do this because you’re Dana’s brother and she was a real sweetheart. But if I need to call you in future…?” 

“I don’t have any more information.”

Dana skipped most of Christmas, anyway. 

*****

The seventh time Bill heard Fox Mulder’s name was when he flew in for Emily Sim’s hearing. 

“I need him as a witness if I’m to have any chance getting custody of Emily,” Dana had stated carefully, meticulously avoiding eye contact as much as possible. Bill still caught her bewilderment and fear… and joy. 

“When’ll he get here?” 

“Tonight, tomorrow… he didn’t say when, just that he’d be here.” He caught her smile, too. 

“Dana…” Her head snapped up, and he paused. “We’ll be there.” 

“Bill, you don’t have to--”

“We’ll be there, Dana.” 

And they were. 

And so was Fox Mulder. 

Bill left with Tara, tired and emotional, and Maggie, displaced and confused, after exchanging silent, cursory greetings with his sister’s partner. While he slowly walked away, both women in tow, he heard a curt “Dana Scully and Fox Mulder” echo behind him. 

And, in spite of everything, he sent up a prayer for both.

*****

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!

Tagging @today-in-fic

[mindibindi]

The Dana Scully Drinking Game (Unofficial 30th Anniversary Edition) 🥃🍷🍸🍹🥂🍻🧉

🥃 - Scully does an autopsy - Scully wears glasses (inc. sunglasses) - Scully writes a report - Scully wears a long overcoat - Scully badges someone - Scully has an umbrella - Scully gets a haircut - Scully cracks wise - Scully eyebrows Mulder - Scully has a bevvy (extra sip if it's alcoholic) - "I'm fine." (or similar) - "Mulder, it's me." - Scene from blooper reels

🍷🍷 - Scully wears flats - Scully sits at the desk in the basement office - Scully asks Mulder where he's going/what he's going to do - Scully with member(s) of Family Scully - Scully's apartment - Scully gets jealous - Scully is flirty today - Scully gazes at Mulder (+ vice versa) - "Mulder, are you suggesting that…"(or similar) - "I'm a medical doctor." (or similar) - Scully gets called into Skinner's office - Scully doesn't wear a mask when she really should - Mulder = "Scully, it's me." - Gillian steps onto her Gilly Box

🍺🍺🍺 - Scully laughs - Scully wears civvies - Scully has a day off - Scully gets to drive (extra sip if Mulder is in the car) - Scully does science (not forensics) - Scully connects with a kid - Scully rescues Mulder - Scully breaks FBI rules - Mulder = "SCCUUUULLLAAAAAAAYYYY!!!!" - Scully kicks ass (physically or verbally) - Scully has a long, rambling, pompous monologue - Anything to do with Scully's crucifix necklace - Someone thinks Mulder and Scully are a couple - Mulder and Scully hold hands 🍸🍸🍸🍸 - Scully has a crush (not Mulder) - Scully has a flashback - Scully wears silk pjs - Scully witnesses phenomena - Scully hangs up on Mulder - Scully loses her shit - Scully loses/regains job - Scllly loses a family member - Scully goes to therapy - Mulder and Scully hug - Mulder first-names Scully - Mulder and Scully are split up

🍹🍹🍹🍹🍹 - Scully is right about the case - Scully gets a tattoo - Scully gets laid (xထ if it's w/ Mulder) - Scully is abducted - Scully has a bath - Scully eats a cricket (sort of) - Scully only had half of a cream cheese bagel for breakfast (and it wasn't even real cream cheese, it was light cream cheese) - Scully ditches Mulder - Scully kisses Mulder (not on the lips) - Mulder kisses Scully (not on the lips)

🍾🥂🍾🍾🥂🍾🍾🥂🍾🍾🥂🍾🍾🥂🍾🍾🥂🍾🍾🥂🍾🍾🍾🥂🍾🥂🍾🍾🥂🍾🍾🥂🍾🍾🥂🍾🍾🥂🍾🍾🥂🍾🍾🥂🍾🍾🥂🍾🍾🥂🍾🍾🥂🍾🍾🥂🍾🍾🥂🍾🍾🥂🍾🍾🥂🍾🍾🥂🍾🍾🥂🍾🍾🥂🍾🍾🥂🍾🍾🥂🍾🍾🥂🍾🍾🥂🍾🍾 - Mulder and Scully kiss for fucking real!!!!!

N.B: Drink responsibly. Can be played without alcohol: just replace with popcorn, chips, chocolate, candy etc.

[carefulfears]

thank you!! <3

that part is kind of sad, to me…at least it felt sad to me when i was writing it. they sacrifice so much to each other and for each other. her recommitment to him at the end of the movie leads to the loss of her child, to a handful more abductions and assaults, to a build up of trauma in the second half that easily matches that of the first. a body in her apartment, a slug in her back, a gun in her hand.

on the lawn outside that hearing, he said “i’m not gonna watch you die,” and he will. he’ll see her lying on his floor with her heart ripped out. he’ll play with her hand in the hospital after closing her eyes sent death to someone else, just barely. he’ll hold her in a prison cell as she sobs over the loss of their son.

mulder was always going to die for the cause. he was always going to come back from being tortured and laid in the ground, and go right running back out into the line of fire.

“scully, i need to make sense of what happened to me, so that i can stop it. because if i can’t stop it, it could happen to anyone,” he says on the first day of resurrection, and hasn't that always been it?

has to understand what happened to him in oregon. has to understand what happened to him in november 1973. has to stop it from happening to anyone else.

"i have seen this before. you're on fire, thinking that you're onto some truth, that you can save the world," scully said 15 years later. a lifetime and a separation before that, she stood in the snow and said "this isn't my life anymore, mulder, i'm done chasing monsters in the dark"

and broke a smile when his response was, "these people need my help."

mulder was always going to die for the cause. scully has handed her life over to watching, to following behind as he walked into that room over and over, every day of his life.

they owe each other nothing and they give and give and give to each other and to the world, and what's left in the end? not their families. not their babies. not their health. not the world, depending on which apocalypse date you believe.

as he says in new mexico, he chases monsters with butterfly nets, but he never stops trying and she never stops following along.

“i owe you everything. scully, you owe me nothing” is one of the most insane pieces of dialogue ever written. It drives me out of my mind. It’s such a glimpse into mulders character and his idea of love

GODDD it really is, isn’t it?? she’s given her entire life to him, to following him. she’s lost time and health and family members. she's been pulled away, and clawed right back.

and the thing about it is, that she dedicated herself to him before she had skin in the game. before it was personal to her. she leaned against him in the rain and asked "where are we going?" and she followed, because she joined the FBI to help people, and she realized quickly that trying to help in the federal government, gets you to the basement.

she asked him where they were going and she followed to wherever the answer was because he saw her vulnerable and scared in that motel room and he wrapped her up and sat below her on the floor. she spends so much of season one wide-eyed looking up at him, asking him questions, watching him, taking in that wild goodness that she wants to be a part of.

and five years in, he stands in the hallway, and he tells her that she saved him. that she made him a whole person. that she owes him NOTHING. and all she can do is cry. like, literally all there is for her to do is look up at him with tears streaming down her face, and hold onto him. there's such grief in that moment. there’s such grief in being needed. in being absolved.

rob bowman directed that scene and he talked about the moment when scully comes to tell mulder that she's leaving, and she just turns around and runs for the elevator, and "she never makes it. this was her first mistake."

they may not owe each other anything, depending on who you ask, but they will give each other everything.

bowman continued, "she has made him feel not like an outcast, not like discarded FBI trash, but actually somebody that's worthy of her friendship. that, as he says, she's made him a whole person."

it's amazing that someone who has moved an educated doctor to give over her entire life to hunting aliens she doesn’t believe in, can see the world this way.

are we whole when alone? when down in the basement, when we’re not believed or listened to, when everyone is spooked?

is he whole when his last evidence of capability for connection and being loved, disappeared at 8 years old?

love, to mulder, is an empty room. it’s walking through fire, not because you have to, but because someone wants to see you burn. it’s stepping onto a porch in new england with open arms and being cut off with a sharp hand.

love, to mulder, is a responsibility. and spending the rest of your life atoning for the failure.

he owes her everything, even when she has one foot out the door. he asks for nothing in return.

she cries at the weight of it all, and she gets back up and follows.

[unremarkablehouse]

Fireworks of the People

Rating: NC-17 | WC 2972 | S7 Fluff/Smut | AO3

Although Yellow Springs, Ohio wouldn’t have been Mulder’s first choice for a Fourth of July getaway, they’ve been to worse places and this time it wasn’t even his fault. Skinner had requested their help in a murder investigation involving a UFO cult leader and the mysterious deaths of some of their followers which had the local ME stumped. The case was surprisingly straightforward, Scully was able to identify a rare poison applied sub-dermally to the victims during contact with the Cult Leader. Mulder elicited a confession from the Cult Leader after stumbling onto his stash of poison and hit list in an obscured room. Neither of them had been shot, abducted, poisoned, or covered in goo, so a pretty good case in Mulder’s books. Still, the look of disappointment when Scully found out that the first flight home wasn’t until after the holiday tugged at Mulder’s heart. Her tight business façade dropped momentarily and he could see that she had been hoping to make whatever Fourth of July plans; but now she was stuck in Yellow Springs with him. The small town’s patriotic decorations ensured there was no way to forget that Independence Day  was happening, acting like salt on fresh wounds, a stinging reminder that they were stuck here for the holiday. Scully was quiet through dinner, not uncommon since their personal relationship was currently ‘on hiatus’, but the immutable cloud of despair that hovered over her while she picked at her salad was too much for Mulder to take. “You know Scully, we could always drive back to D.C. It’s a 10hr drive so we might get in a bit late but at least you could still make some of the holiday.” “It’s fine, Mulder. I still have a final autopsy to do anyway so that will keep me busy most of tomorrow. We’ll just fly out Wednesday morning.” “I’m sorry we’re stuck here-” “It’s not your fault… Charlie is in town, and Bill is visiting with his family too. So Mom has organized this big thing. I haven’t had a chance to see everyone in a while and I was really looking forward to it. Plus, it’s not like we can even go see the fireworks tomorrow, did you know this town does them the Saturday before!” Mulder couldn’t help but swoon over Scully’s petulant pout and felt the need to offer her a show of solidarity with feigned outrage. “What!?! No fireworks on the Fourth of July! That’s just un-American.” “That’s what I’m saying…” Feeling better having vented to Mulder, Scully gave a resigned smile, the tension between them starting to melt. With her mood improved Scully stole some of Mulder’s fries, a long established sign of a truce he mused. Chatting about the case Scully suggested that he get started on the field report while she’s working on the autopsy tomorrow. Mulder nodded in agreement, but they both knew he wasn’t going to touch their paperwork until the last possible minute. Little did she realize Mulder had started to formulate a plan to turn her holiday around.

By noon the next day Mulder received a call from Scully, bored and contemplating eating a questionable sandwich from the morgue’s vending machine. Mulder was attempting to fit a portable hibachi grill into the trunk of the rental, the interruption of his cell phone chirping caused him to pause, trying to get balanced while answering. “Mulder-” “Mulder it’s me, feel like bringing me sustenance?” “I’d love to Scully, but the town is shut down for the holiday. I just had to drop in at the Sheriff’s to make sure my statement was squared away. I guess in this town crime does take a vacation. What time will you be finished?” “Not until 3. I’m waiting on labs to get finished and then I have to finalize the report.” At that moment the top of the mini hibachi grill broke free of his hold, making a loud clanging sound, while Mulder attempted to catch it, cell phone pressed against his ear and shoulder in an awkward balancing act. … “shiiit—” “Mulder, what was that?” “Ahh… I’m just packing and knocked something over. Scully, I’ve gotta go, I’ll see you out the front at 3.” The dejected sound in Scully’s voice doubled Mulder’s resolve to surprise her, giving him a bit more pep to get everything ready in time by the afternoon. The parking lot of the morgue was deserted when Mulder arrived, a lone figure leaning against the door could be seen, obscured by the shadows of the awning. Mulder took a moment to watch Scully stretching herself and enjoying the afternoon sun. As a sign of protest of having to work during a public holiday, Scully had donned jeans and a fitted light blue top instead of her standard business attire. Mulder couldn’t help but smile when he realized they were inadvertently wearing matching outfits, his jeans and blue t-shirt felt appropriate for the day as well. With a wary smile she finally acknowledged his arrival and strolled over to her seat in the car, failing to notice or mention the grocery bags and supplies in the backseat. Slouched in her chair, leaning against the passenger window, Mulder didn’t attempt to make small talk, using her fatigue to help prolong his surprise. The drive to the lookout was uneventful, Scully falling asleep minutes into the ride prevented her from noticing that they had driven at least 20 minutes past the hotel and were making the ascent to reach their destination. Mulder quietly cursed as the road turned bumpy a few miles from the spot. “Mulder, where are we going?” Scully’s disoriented and groggy voice broke the silence and he knew the gig would soon be up. “An early dinner, Scully.” “But everything’s closed?” Scully’s spidey senses started to tingle as she became keenly aware of her surroundings, warily observing that they were driving into a wooded area. “I swear to God Mulder, if you’re dragging me out to hunt Bigfoot instead of dinner-” “Relax, we’re here.” Mulder said, pulling up to a clearing that had an outlook of the town. From the back seat of the car, Mulder pulled out the bedspread from the hotel and 3 pillows, instructing Scully to help him set up. “I don’t think the hotel will be thrilled we’re using their bedding as a picnic blanket” Scully said while repositioning the blanket. “Hotel bedding is expected to get a little dirty!” Mulder handed her a tupperware container from one of the grocery bags he’d been carrying and instructed her to eat. Wary at first, Scully’s eyes lit up when she opened the large container and discovered that it was full of fried chicken. Mulder took a break from setting up to watch Scully eagerly inspect each of the tupperware containers, her look of excitement as she opened each one reminded him of a kid opening presents on Christmas morning and he was determined to do things like this more often. “There’s so much food here! Macaroni salad, fried chicken, fresh corn, watermelon. Mulder, where did you get all this?” “Don’t fill up on the sides,” Mulder said while awkwardly carrying the mini hibachi grill to a level surface not far from their picnic spot. Walking over in time to watch Mulder light the grill, Scully couldn’t help but giggle when Mulder jumped back in shock at the large flame. “So, I don’t think we have to worry about the grill heating up,” Mulder said with a sheepish shrug. Scully gently rubbed his arm reassuringly, before it dawned on her that he had somehow gotten his hands on a functional grill. “Wait, where did you get the grill!?” “I confiscated it from the crime scene.” Scully made a face, “Mulder!” “What? It's not like it was used in the crime and I’ll return it later, but right now we need a way to cook our burgers and hot dogs.” Mulder proudly held up a large cooler, triggering Scully to laugh incredulously. “Did you steal a transport cooler from the morgue!? There were probably human organs or God knows what in that!” Mulder just shrugged while taking out hamburger patties and placing them on the grill, “I rinsed it out first..” Going back to the cooler Mulder handed Scully a beer that had been stored in there, and took one out for himself. “I’m not returning this bad boy either, I’m taking our left-overs home in it!” Scully stood close to Mulder while he grilled, feeding him forkfuls of macaroni salad. This might not have been the way she had pictured her Fourth of July, but the charm of the look out and Mulder’s surprise picnic definitely had made her day. “Bad news Scully, I didn’t think to confiscate tongs, or a spatula so let’s hope my plastic fork works.” They both held their breathe while Mulder carefully attempted to flip their patties over with two plastic forks, earning him a cheer from Scully when he succeeded.   “Alright Partner, get the buns ready, we’re almost done here!” Scully placed the buns on their plates and presented them to Mulder, ready to assemble their food. “Mulder, I can’t believe you put all this together. It’s incredible, but you’ve got to tell me how you did it.” “A magician never tells” Mulder said, handing her a plate with a burger and a hot dog. Sitting together closely on their picnic blanket bedspread, plates on lap, Scully noticed that the tension which had plagued them since their unresolved fight had dissipated. “Mulder, did you do all of this as a peace offering?” Mulder contemplated her words for a moment before replying. “Honestly, no. I am sorry I turned off the alarm that morning, but it was set for 5am, I didn’t do it on purpose and I wasn’t trying to ‘control you’, as you so eloquently said. You always take off before I wake up, so I’m willing to admit that on some level I probably wanted you to stay and at least have breakfast with me.” “Next time you want me to stay longer, use your words and ask me to stay.” Mulder nodded in agreement and was rewarded by Scully feeding him a piece of watermelon.   “I guess having breakfast with you wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, I could make more of an effort to be flexible.” Mulder’s eyebrows shot up at the word ‘flexible’, his cheeky smirk at the double entendre was silenced by a rogue piece of watermelon being shoved in his mouth by a laughing Scully. “Wait, if this wasn’t a romantic gesture, then why did you do all this?” “Regardless of whether we’re fighting or not, you’re my best friend and I hate seeing you upset. I just wanted to do something nice for you.” “Good answer”, Scully reached up to Mulder’s neck and pulled him in for a kiss. Before things could heat up, Mulder broke off their kiss, and suddenly ran towards the car- leaving a confused Scully behind. For a moment she was concerned that Mulder was about to take off on her, as he had done many times in the past. Before she could question him, Mulder had jogged back to her with his hands behind his back and a huge grin. “One more trick up my sleeve! I know you were bummed about missing out on fireworks…” Mulder proudly presented her with a brightly packaged sparkler, placing the stick in her hand and stepping back as he lit a long fuse. Scully looked at the odd sparkler skeptically, not used to seeing ones with fuses, she moved it away from her body at just the right moment- the sparkler coming to life in an explosive fury. Her scream of delight made Mulder chuckle as different color sparks went everywhere. This was not your standard sparkler. Once it finally burned out, she handed the sparkler to Mulder who doused it with some bottled water and put it on the ground next to the blanket. Wanting to know more about how Mulder put this all together in such short notice, Scully decided to try another interrogation tactic. She took his plate away, ignoring his grumbles as she placed it next to him on the blanket. The complaining stopped as Scully climbed over his body, straddling his legs and placing her arms around his neck. Instinctively Mulder placed his hands on her hips and gave a big smile gazing into her eyes.   “Hi..” Scully said, giving him her best megawatt smile and watching him melt; she had him. Scully closed the distance between them, staring into his eyes, close enough to kiss him, leaving a fraction of an inch between their faces. “Okay Mulder, now you’ve got to tell me how you did all this.” His smitten face betrayed how powerless he was to resist her. “Scully, you should work for the CIA, I’d confess anything to you right now.” She gave him a light peck on the lips and encouraged him to continue. “I knew you were upset about missing your family BBQ today so while you were slicing and dicing, I went on a scavenger hunt. As a thank you for filling out all the case paperwork for the sheriff, his wife packed up the sides and dessert for me. In exchange for helping set up their barbecue, their neighbor donated plates, buns, burgers, and hot dogs. They weren’t too thrilled that I wouldn’t eat with them, but I wanted to wait for you. I found out about this spot from one of the locals, hoarded condiment packets from the diner, and you know where I got the blanket and grill- ”   Before he could finish talking Scully planted a kiss on his lips which he enthusiastically returned. Abruptly Scully pulled back from their kiss, “wait, there’s dessert?” Mulder chuckled, “Yup, some Texas sheet cake and pie.” Mulder was amused by how excited she got over their dessert prospects, earning him another kiss, deeper and more passionate. Without any conscious thought, Mulder’s hands had automatically found their way up Scully’s T-shirt and to her breasts. His firm fondling being met with encouraging moans. Scully’s enthusiastic hips grinded rhythmically into his erection, their mouths never breaking contact. As their hands and bodies explored each other the rest of the world disappeared, and what started as just making out had quickly progressed into some fairly heavy petting. The frenzied look in Scully’s eyes as she pushed Mulder’s shoulders to the ground brought him back to reality. While the clearing was secluded, it was still a public area and he definitely should not have brought Scully to orgasm with his hands down her jeans a few moments ago. It also occurred to him that he should probably stop Scully from unzipping his pants as well. As Mulder's hands tried to slow Scully down from working on his fly, he was having trouble forming the words ‘indecent exposure’, only getting out a grunt as she put her mouth around his cock. When Scully broke to remove her jeans, his breathing slowed and he was able to sit up on his elbows and voice his concerns. “Scully, anyone could come by, we should stop.”Scully was not particularly put off by that thought, giving Mulder a grin as she moved to straddle his cock, menacingly gliding the head up and down her wet slit. “Don’t worry, the whole town is basically shut down.” Whether it was her reasonable risk assessment, or the fact that she had paused with the tip of his cock at her entrance, Mulder showed his consent by thrusting hard up into her. Their foreheads joined together tenderly as they both took a moment to adjust to the feel of him inside her. Their eye contact talked volumes as they intensely gazed at each other, so attuned to each other’s bodies, their breathing synchronized. Scully bit down on her bottom lip, a silent signal indicating that she was ready to continue, pushing his shoulders back down so she could ride him more comfortably. Their hips and thrusts joined together at an even pace, both trying to keep their moans of pleasure relatively quietly given the outdoor setting. Somehow the fact that they were both still mostly clothed added to the lewdness of what they were doing and Mulder felt himself approaching the precipice. Moving his hand from her hips to her clit, he methodically rubbed in hard circles, increasing the force of his thrusts as his hips collided with hers. Her body responded quickly with the familiar spasms of her impending orgasm bringing him over the edge at the same time. Scully collapsed against his chest exhausted and satiated, enjoying the tactile comforts of having Mulder surround her. Before they could fully come down from their lovemaking a large bang erupted out of nowhere. Instincts kicking in, Scully promptly dismounted and had her jeans on in record time, while Mulder lazily tucked himself back into his pants and zipped them up. Another bang rang out, causing Scully to freeze, while Mulder gave a chuckle motioning for her to look out onto the horizon. Scully marveled at the emergence of fireworks being set off from the town below, taking her seat next to Mulder.   “But how?” “Fireworks of the people, Scully. The neighborhoods here do their own fireworks on the fourth.” Mulder wrapped an arm around Scully, giving her access to snuggle into his side and watch the cacophony of different fireworks taking place below. “Mulder, this whole night has been truly amazing.” “I know it’s not your family, but I just wanted to do something nice for you.” “You know you’re my family too, thank you.” Mulder placed a kiss on the crown of her head and squeezed her tighter, preferring to look at Scully instead of the fireworks.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Note: X files bingo prompt: "Surprise"

X-Files Free-For-All Prompt List: #47

MSR: 4th of July... Mulder and Scully spend the day together... they are watching the fireworks and sharing a kiss... a cute little story 

Tagging: @xfilesfanficexchange @xfilesbingo @today-in-fic

[deathsbestgirl]

something about the way skinner, doggett & reyes rally around scully while mulder is abducted.

like. skinner knows what they are to each other. he's watched them from the beginning. skinner saw how mulder was when scully was abducted. he tried to hold him together the only way he could (opening the x files again)

i think telling scully he "lost" mulder was the hardest thing he ever did. skinner loves mulder too, but mulder is scully's entire world. and this time around, he won't let scully be alone the way mulder was.

doggett was assigned (purportedly) to find mulder. he follows the typical avenues of investigation, all the while scully is telling him that wont turn up anything. he sees shapeshifting aliens and doesn't believe, but he knows scully didn't do those things. at the end of without, when scully is injured & falling apart, he holds her. it was very different than what mulder & scully experiences in the pilot, but it's a level of vulnerability he didn't expect & she didn't really mean to show. and because of it, he follows her. he wants to find mulder, and he'll do everything he can for scully in the meantime. he wants her to trust him. he won't let her run headfirst into danger without backup. he's a step behind her every time. doggett defends scully, like she defends mulder. doggett doesn't believe, but he follows her theories & instincts. he sees so much. and...he can empathize with her.

reyes shows up when they're finally on mulder's trail. abductees are being returned. reyes believes but her specialty is satanic cults. and she reasons it could be a ufo cult, but that doesn't mean these people weren't really abducted. reyes doesn't know what to believe at that point, but she's open, and she follows scully. without question. she reminds scully of mulder & melissa and scully keeps her at a distance. hesitant to let anyone else close.

what kills me is that scully...starts to trust like mulder does. she tries not to, but she can't help it. these people are following her, and looking out for her, and loving mulder by extension. scully tries so hard to theorize like mulder. she's got the knowledge, she knows how his mind works. she's actually not that bad at it. but it isn't natural for her to follow those instincts. she needs mulder for that, and it's the only way she can keep him alive, feel close to him, hold onto hope that he'll come back.

mulder left a big gaping hole. in the x files, in her life, in her bed, in her heart, in her mind. everyone is trying to hold her together but the only person who can is abducted and returns dead.

[actual-changeling]

Some more season 6 angst because it's still all I can think about.

———

It used to be easy to look at him.

She always found what she was searching for—the answers to questions she didn't even know to ask, the calm within the storm, the promises they both gave each other over and over and over. Eyes meeting across a room, two magnets ripping through everything in-between to connect.

When Mulder stopped looking, Scully started waiting. For a reason, for an apology, for it to change, for his heavy gaze to land on her face again. The back of his head became more familiar to her than the curve of his smile, and that's when she knew they were no longer balancing on their personal cliff's edge; she was falling and he wasn't.

Scully wishes she could easily divide her life into a series of 'before' and 'after', but few things extend the courtesy of being black and white.

Before she met Mulder and after she met Mulder.

Before they went to Oregon.

Before her abduction. After her abduction, the life behind it lost to nothingness.

Before she almost died of cancer.

Before Mulder stopped looking at her like she holds all the answers he will ever need in the palm of her hands.

Before Diana. Before the fire. Before losing the X Files. Before Antarctica. Before he told her he loved her in the wrong place at the wrong time.

All of it melted away, together, forming a blur of moments and memories as she tumbled through them, caught in the rapids of her own mind.

Before she ran out of 'after' and started living in the in-between.

When his gaze returns, it comes back wrong—something deadalive, something familiar turned foreign, abrasive saltburn hot on her skin. It's empty where it was once full of sunshine warmth, affinity turned apathy, words sharpened instead of sanded down.

She misses what she is slowly forgetting ever existed, and her lungs hurt with what could have been, what she wanted them to be. Missing Mulder is a gaping wound that covers her chest, the sutures done and redone until her fingertips are as raw as the flesh underneath them. Until she learns not to bother as long as he is still holding the knife.

Dana Scully does not beg, but she comes close. Close enough to count anyway. Close enough to stare him in the eye as he breaks everything they have built with a handful of sentences. Somehow, he reaches for her in the aftermath, wanting to drag her back up the cliff and onto solid ground.

When his gaze returns, it speaks of safety and love, of scar tissue and carefully removed stitches.

She's asking silent, cobalt blue questions that are stinging in her eyes, and he stares—not seeing, not understanding, not realising what he has done. Deep down, she knows he never meant to hurt her, that he'd be horrified if he could comprehend how much of her blood he has on his hands.

Deep down, she struggles to accept that every rule comes with exceptions.

[teiasviago]

Day 25: Muffled Screams

Episode: “Irresistible” | Dead Dove: Do Not Eat | AO3 | @today-in-fic

Her muffled screams through the door echo in his brain as Mulder drives them back to the motel, checking the rear and side mirrors constantly, fingers tapping against the wheel. It’s too quiet at first, out in the far-flung suburbs of Detroit, when the elephant in the backseat keeps him sitting with posture his grandmother would be proud of; then, once they reach the city, it’s too loud and too bright. Mulder exhales and lets his posture go once he parks the car, taking a moment before he takes the keys out of the car.

Scully doesn’t ask him to stay but he follows her into her room anyway, locking the door behind him before turning to face her. They stand in silence for a bit, Mulder trying not to anxiously jangle the car keys in his hand, so he grips them so hard it hurts. “Do you want me to leave?” he asks, needing to know for sure before he starts overthinking everything. Scully shakes her head jerkily, as if she’s forcing herself to do it. “Are you sure?”

Her lips move and she furrows her brows, clearing her throat. “Yeah.”

“Okay. Alright.” Mulder watches her stare at the bed, fervently wishing he knew what was cycling through her head so he could fix it and make her forget what happened. It was just supposed to be a football game. “It’s late. Uh... Do you want to... Do you want to sleep?”

Scully nods and finally turns her gaze from the bed, picking at her cuticles as her chin trembles; he almost strides over and embraces her. She licks her lips and inhales deeply before walking to her suitcase and retrieving a pair of pajamas. “I’ll take the bathroom,” Mulder offers, giving her shoulder a squeeze as he passes her. It doesn’t dawn on him that he has nothing to change into until he’s shut the door, so he stands awkwardly for a moment, imagining Scully taking off her blazer, and then undoing the button of her slacks, and then he shakes his head, willing his mind not to think about her for five minutes.

Mulder sighs and shrugs out of his coat, tossing it onto the seat of the toilet as he loosens and removes his tie, laying it on top of the coat. He turns on the faucet and splashes his face with water, trying to forget the sound of Scully’s screams through the wood of the door, or the sound of Pfaster and Scully’s grunts. A football game. It feels like his mind is circling the drain after his panicked search for her; he almost reached the same level of panic as when she was abducted, but he forced himself to keep a level head, knowing that this was an all too human crime.

He knocks on the door and attempts levity: “You decent?” Scully replies in the affirmative and he exits the bathroom, making a short trip to his room to put his accessories away as she uses the bathroom, settling himself on the right side of the bed.

She attempts a grateful smile when she exits and climbs into the bed on her side after turning off the light. After what feels like an hour, Mulder wiggles his toes in boredom and, with a pang of shame and embarrassment, he attempts to quietly take his shoes off.

“Mulder?” she whispers, and he hums his acknowledgement, an apology for waking her up on the tip of his tongue. “I don’t like being near the door.”

They can’t see each other’s faces in the dark, and perhaps that’s why she’s allowing herself to be so vulnerable. “We can switch places,” Mulder suggests.

Scully’s silent for a moment, and then, in a small voice. “I don’t want to be near the bathroom, either.” He sat next to her while she gave her statement—he knows what happened. She shifts in bed and suddenly her breath is hitting his waist. “Can you hold me?”

Mulder’s heart breaks for her once more when he hears the tears in her voice. “Of course, Scully, of course.” He slides down the bed and under the covers, wrapping an arm securely around her as she tucks her body against his, breaths now hitting his sternum. “I’ve got you.”

[fandom-imagines-stories]

Saving Grace S1 E2: Somebody's Watching

Fox Mulder x Reader

Words: 2726

Summary: On the hunt to find your daughter, you are forced to make a sacrifice to ensure her safety. Zimtech, impatient, sends you a message.

Notes: Wow, I was not anticipating excitement for this series, but I’m so glad you guys are wanting to see more! I will say, the main reason I took a while to post this is because I haven’t gotten much of a head start on season two, so I apologize if the gap between seasons is inconvenient. Still, I’m thrilled to have people wanting to read! Always be sure to let me know what you think!

-

You hadn’t been out long. After you and Fox waited at home for a few hours, you decided to go back to the office and see if anything had turned up. Fox stayed home in case anything came there, but you knew it wouldn’t. You knew exactly what they wanted. But you couldn’t stand looking at him anymore when you knew exactly what had to happen.

You drove around for about an hour after a pointless meeting with the agents in charge of Gracie’s case. They were in over their heads. You had hoped to clear your head a little, maybe think of a better solution but there was nothing. If you put a toe out of line… you didn’t even want to think about what they could do to her.

The house was dark. The only light was the lamp in the office, but your husband was nowhere to be found. It wasn’t until you went upstairs and found the door to Grace’s room slightly opened. You pushed the door open silently, feeling your heart break. He was lying on her bed with his legs over the side, staring up at the little glow in the dark stars on her ceiling with tears in his eyes.

“Fox,” You sighed, curling up beside him, wrapping your arms around his torso. He kept his gaze up.

“I just-” He sucked in a breath, trying to pull himself together. “I just want to hold her.” The brokenness in his voice weighed heavily on your heart.

“I know.” You whispered. “We’ll find her.” Getting your little girl back to her father was all you cared about. It didn’t matter what happened to you. You realized that more than ever holding onto your heartbroken husband. “We’ll get her back.”

-

Dana had spent the night going over autopsies again and again, praying that she had something in her notes that would help lead to Grace. She had hardly blinked let alone slept. All she could think about was that little girl. She nearly jumped out of her chair when Director Skinner walked in the door.

“Agent Scully,” He greeted, seeming surprised. “I wasn’t expecting you here.”

“I was just going over my notes from my autopsies on the mutated bodies.” She took off her glasses and set them on the desk. Skinner looked around the office. Both of the Mulders’ desks were abandoned.

“The team working on Grace Mulder’s case said they might have some information for her parents.” His tone was professional but his expression was sympathetic. “How are they holding up?”

“About as well as you’d think.” She sighed. “I can’t even imagine what they’re going through.”

“If they need anything at all, let me know.”

“I’ll be sure to relay the message.” They exchanged a worried look before he left her to her work.

Each body she examined was modified, seemingly with animal DNA. They were like something straight out of a bad science fiction movie. Her partners were working on a theory that the research facility known as Zimtech was abducting innocent people and using them in experiments. Y/N particularly believed that the institute was run by mad scientists, hell-bent on completing the work by any means necessary. Scully hoped that they had nothing to do with the kidnapping, for Grace’s sake.

Scully dialed the Mulders' house number and waited. While the other end rang, she noticed a series of notes on Y/N’s desk. She must have written them after meeting with the team from kidnapping. Most of the notes contained information on Zimtech’s facilities, but it was the last note that caught Scully’s attention. He wants me.

“Mulder,” Her partner’s voice answered. He sounded exhausted. At first, Scully didn’t say anything. Her eyes were glued to Y/N’s words. What did it mean? Who wanted her? “Hello?” His voice snapped her out of it.

“Mulder, it’s me.” She put the papers back on the desk. “Skinner wanted me to tell you that the people on the case think they have some information.”

Fox looked over at his wife, who had passed out on Grace’s bed. He blew out a breath.

“Thanks, Scully. I’ll be at my office in about fifteen minutes. I’m gonna let Y/N sleep for a while.” You had been running back and forth and you would need your energy.

“How is she?” Scully asked. Y/N’s notes bothered her, but she couldn’t figure out what it meant.

“She’s, uh,” He sighed, running a hand down his face to rub the sleep out of his eyes. “She’s the strong one right now. I don’t think I would make it without her.” The defeat in his voice made Scully’s heart drop.

“If I can do anything to help, anything at all, Mulder. I’m here.”

“Thank you, Dana. I'll meet you at the office.” He hung up and wrote a short note in case you woke up before he got back.

He knew whatever the team had would probably be useless. Zimtech would have been careful. They would have covered every single one of their tracks. But they made the mistake of going after Fox Mulder’s family. And he wouldn’t rest until he made them pay.

-

When you woke up, you felt empty. Gracie’s bed was cold now that your husband had vanished. Your first instinct was to panic. They had taken him too. First your baby girl and now Fox. It wasn’t until you saw the piece of paper with Fox’s message that your heart rate started to slow down.

You took deep, slow breaths to try and relax. These people were more in your head than you thought. With aching, tired limbs, you made your way down to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. Hopefully, the caffeine would help clear your thoughts enough to think straight. All you could think about was your daughter, scared and alone. Maybe they had already begun their experiments…

You stopped, leaning against the counter for support, forcefully pushing the image from your mind. Your exhausted paranoia wouldn’t bring her back. But your sacrifice would.

“Turn yourself in as an asset.”

What the hell did that even mean? If his real worry was about the information Green had given you, why didn’t he just kill you? How could you possibly be an asset to them? Then again, maybe this was just a ruse to get the entire Mulder family together so they could wipe you out.

A sound from outside interrupted your morbid train of thought. It could have just been the rustling of the wind, but something felt wrong. Like somebody was watching.

You slowly made your way to the back door, but just as you turned the handle, the phone began to ring. Although you were half-tempted to let the machine get it and pursue the mystery noise, but there was the chance that it was your husband, or maybe Dana.

“Y/N Mulder,” You answered, keeping your eyes trained out the back window. The other line was quiet for a moment, but you recognized the sound of your husband’s distressed cries.

“Y/N they…” He sucked in a sharp breath. “They found a body on the side of the road.” He was trying to keep it together, but his voice cracked with panic. “They said it’s a young girl with brown hair, but they can’t tell me anything else. Scully’s driving me to the scene, but I don’t know if I…”

His voice faded into a high-pitched buzz that filled your head. You set the phone on the counter, your eyes still staring out the window as if you expected her to be there, her big green eyes clouded and trapped in a permanent state of terror. It was an image that would stay with you forever.

Driving to the crime scene, you saw her. Stopping the car next to the flashing lights, you saw her. You were numb walking through the swarm of officers.

“Ma’am, you can’t be here.” Someone said and you felt a hand on your arm.

“I’m a… federal agent… let me through.” You said, but your words were spacy and confused.

“I need you to step back.”

“No… you don’t… understand. It’s my…” You tried to push by, but it felt like you didn’t have control over your own limbs.

“Let her through!” An intimidating red-head ordered. Scully ushered you away from the officer, flashing her badge to prevent further disruption.

“Where is he?” You were finally about to form a full sentence, but you still felt like the more you walked towards the scene, the further away you were getting. You weren’t sure how far Scully led you before you saw her. The body. Roughly 4’1”, brown hair, and wearing the sweater your father gave her for Christmas. They lifted her up onto a gurney, but her matted hair still covered her face.

“Gracie,” Her name fell from your lips with a sob. If it wasn't for Scully, you would have run to the body and held her as close as you could. They were zipping her up now and you wanted to scream at them. Grace hated the dark. Instead, all you could say was her name. “Grace!”

“Y/N!” Out of the crowd of officers emerged your husband. His face was stained with tears and his eyes were scanning the scene trying to find you. You finally tore away from Scully and ran towards him.

“Fox!” You stumbled into his embrace, clinging to him to keep from falling. “I-it’s our baby. They’re taking our baby.” You sobbed. Fox pulled back, holding your face in his hands.

“It’s not her. It’s not Grace.” He said, trying to clear your tears away. You stared at him, confused.

“B-but her sweater. It’s Gracie’s sweater, I saw it.”

“I know.” He kept your eyes on him while the body was loaded up. “I know, but it isn’t her. I saw the body and it isn’t our Gracie. I swear to you, it isn’t our daughter.” His voice cracked, heart still pounding. You pulled away from him.

“I think I’m going to be sick.” You muttered before your knees buckled and you were sick in a small patch of dead grass. Fox crouched by your side, gently rubbing your back as he watched the other agents get back into their cars.

You were ashamed to be relieved. That little girl may not have been your daughter, but she was somebody's. An innocent life cut short and for what? To send you a message? To push you over the edge? Whatever the reason, that child’s blood was on your hands and those monsters still had Grace.

“We should leave.” Scully urged gently. “The officers are going to have questions that I don’t think we can answer.” She put a hand on Fox’s shoulder and he nodded. He helped you stand and took the car keys.

“If they find anything-”

“I’ll let you know.” She gave both of you a sympathetic look before going back to her car.

You climbed into the passenger seat, still looking into the bright lights flashing red and blue. Was it light where she was? Or were they keeping her in the dark?

-

Fox was in his office. His desk was littered with countless papers on Zimtech, but sitting on top was a drawing. A caped hero defeating stick-figure aliens. Galaxy Girl.

Fox ran a hand down his face and downed the rest of his coffee. At this point, he could have used something stronger, but the caffeine kept him alert, or as alert as he could be going off of less than four hours of sleep. Even his third cult couldn’t keep his heavy eyelids open.

“Daddy!” Grace bounded into the office with a toothy grin. There was a gap where one of her front teeth used to be, but to him, it was still the most beautiful smile in the world.

“Hey!” Fox pulled her into his lap. “Aren’t you supposed to be packing to go to Grandpa Ron’s house?”

“I already did!” She exclaimed, setting a slightly crumpled piece of paper in front of him.

“What’s this?”

“It’s something for you and mommy to take with you when you have to go away with Aunt Dana.”

Fox unfolded the drawing and smiled. Galaxy Girl was fighting alongside two new heroes; Mommy and Daddy. He pulled his daughter close and kissed her cheek. He felt a small pang of guilt. Another case was taking you, him, and Scully across the country, which meant Grace would be staying with your dad for the next few days. This had been the arrangement since Gracie was born, even before you and Fox had gotten married. Your dad wasn’t Fox’s biggest fan, but he did adore his granddaughter. Fox would ask his mother every once in a while, but he worried she would remind her too much of his sister.

“It’s a great drawing, Grace. Thank you.” He folded it again, this time putting it in his wallet. She kept her arms around his neck.

“When will you take me with you?” She pouted. Fox chuckled and shook his head. “I want to find monsters too!”

“You’d have to ask Director Skinner and I don’t think he’d want a six-year-old on the case with me.”

“But I’m not any six-year-old, dad.” She stood on his leg and he held onto her sides to keep her from falling. “I’m Galaxy Girl!”

Fox scooped her up and moved around the desk, pretending that she was flying. Her laughter filled the office.

It echoed in his head as he looked around the empty room.

Downstairs, you were watching the sky slowly darken. Another day wasted. Another day that Grace was with them. Another day that Grace was with them. Another body dumped to help cover up their horrific experiments.

You froze suddenly, every nerve set on edge. There it was again. The noise from outside. This time you were sure it wasn’t the wind.

You burst out the back door, eyes wildly scanning the trees behind the fence. Someone was out here, watching you, you could feel it.

“I got your message you son of a bitch!” You screamed furiously. “I already agreed to your little plan so what is it now? Huh? Or are you just killing little girls for fun, you sick bastard!” Of course, there was no response. Even the wind was silent. “You want me, come and get me! I’m right here! I’m. Right. Here!” Your screams were turning into sobs, but you didn’t care. Somewhere, they were out there, mocking you from the shadows.

You picked up a stone and threw it at the nearest tree. Instead of hitting the branches, it broke a hole through the wood of the fence. The splintering snap was better than the silence so you threw another.

“Give her back! Take me, but just give her back!” You repeated it over and over, throwing more stones while you screamed at the top of your lungs. You didn’t even hear Fox yelling until his arms wrapped around your middle. He dragged you kicking and screaming back into the house.

“Y/N, stop it! Stop it!” He yelled, slamming the door behind him. He pulled you over to the couch and sat you down, but as soon as he let go, you tried for the door again. His arms were there to stop you, holding you in a tight grip until you finally sat down.

“They’re out there, Fox. The monsters that took Gracie are out there, watching us.”

“And you were doing what? Scaring them away by busting holes into our fence?” He sat down beside you, taking your hands in his. “We can’t lose it, okay? If they break us, we’ll never get Grace back.”

“You don’t understand. You don’t-” You stopped abruptly, knowing that you couldn’t tell him the truth.

“What? What don’t I understand?”

“I just… I miss her.” You cried, slumping forward and resting your head on his shoulder. Fox wrapped his arms around you.

“I know. I miss her too.” He sighed, pressing a kiss to your temple. You held him tighter, committing the feeling to memory. You couldn’t tell him the truth. You couldn’t tell him that they had already broken you.

-

General Tag: @rae-gar-targaryen; @takemepedropascal; @childhood-imagination;  @mylovegoesto; @yellowbadgergirl; @itmejado; @suckmyapplejacks; @kendahl0216

Mulder: @posiemax; @muldersufo

[actual-changeling]

I think 3 is one of those episodes where you need to ignore the plot. It will happen a lot in later seasons with many more episodes, though luckily they're more solid than this one, and just something to get used to.

I can try to give my view of it, I don't know if it will be a satisfactory explanation, but I'm offering it!

When I watched it for the first time, I was very uncomfortable with most of it, too, but the second time I forced myself to look past that and focus on Mulder instead.

This isn't your normal kidnapping case, there is no case, and Mulder knows that. Duane Berry is dead, Scully was abducted by aliens, which, mind you, also happened to Samantha.

The sister he has been looking for since he was twelve years old without finding a single trace or shred of evidence. He's been through all of this before, and while he doesn't give up and keeps looking for both of them, it's simply not possible to throw away his career, his life, everything, to, what? Sit at home and look at what little evidence he has?

How is he supposed to look for her? WHERE is he supposed to look for her, when he is convinced that she was literally abducted by aliens and taken into space? Mulder desperately wants to follow her, but he can't. It's impossible. All he can do is carry her with him and hope against hope that she will be returned to him.

So, now he is stuck with the now re-opened X Files, and that includes working cases. Did he want to go to California? No, probably not, but he had to.

People have already mentioned it in the comments, but Kristen is yet another Scully/Samantha mirror he gets caught up in, cause maybe he can save her. Maybe this time, just once, he can get it right.

If it gets him killed along the way even better!

Mulder is spiralling and grasping for straws, and, speaking from experience, pain is one hell of a straw to hold onto when you have no alternative. His behaviour boils down to

a) not thinking his actions through, which is typical

b) not caring about the consequences for himself (also typical)

c) self-flagellation (also typical)

d) trying anything and everything to keep himself distracted so he doesn't completely drown in his misery, which is, once again, typical.

Nothing he does is out of character, the setting is just incredibly weird and not well-done (to say the least). Scully is the one who makes sure he doesn't get himself killed and to maybe give a shit about his own life, but oh look! He got her kidnapped and potentially killed, here comes the suffocating guilt he will never be able to escape.

About the vampire sex—all I'm gonna say is that using sex as a tool to help with emotional distress is a coping mechanism we see both Scully and Mulder use, and it's meant to be uncomfortable.

We're meant to see it and recognize that this is Mulder engaging in harmful behaviour, that the entire situation is fucked up, that without Scully, what little faith he had in the world is gone.

Like, you can say about plot structure and pacing what you want, which I agree are both bad, but the vibe and message it wants to convey are definitely easily perceptible. It's just difficult to interpret when the surrounding story is an on-fire garbage can.

Or, to summarize, Mulder is living the full mental breakdown dream of fucking off to another city, having dangerous & intense relationships with strangers, almost dying before deciding maybe I do wanna live for a while longer, and then returning to the same black pit he crawled out of in the first place. he's just me without my mood stabilizers, antidepressants, adderall, and therapy.

s2 episode 7 thoughts

hmm. hmm. that is the sound if me pondering what i just watched.

(i understand that this episode was an analysis into mulder's self-destructive behaviors when faced with overwhelming grief, but. that does not mean i enjoyed vampire hookup time)

well. we shall start from the top!

i read that it was an episode about vampires which i thought was a weird narrative choice because. hello. scully still gone??? but then i remembered that i too ignored the main quest in skyrim to hunt some vampires and that i had no place to judge

(granted, my main quest wasn't finding scully though. might have given that a bit more priority than saving the whole world. because she IS my whole world)

we open with a guy that looks like joe biden meeting with an attractive young woman. they're making out in a hot tub and we just know someone is gonna get slurped upon. and woe, it be upon us! double vampire attack.

back in DC, mulder gets his old office back! it's covered in plastic. he takes some of it off. he adjusts his calendar from may to november, so we see how much time he and scully had been assigned to other tasks, which also has me wondering how she managed to get a new house that quick.

(also, this calendar is... scantily clad women posing next to tools such as hammers and saws. was this allowed? was this acceptable? was it normal? were the 90's a lawless wasteland and mulder an irreparable freak?)

well. scully is an x file now, and he puts her glasses and id into an evidence bag and closes the filing cabinet which was sooooo evil. but he can't bring himself to put her necklace away. oh man. oh he's gotta have it in case he finds her. he has to hold her close. i'm Fine this is Fine.

so. he goes out to california to deal with the joe biden looking fellow being murdered. and he is not wanted on the crime scene. we know this because someone greets him by saying "nobody called the bureau" and he says "well, they should have" and lifts up the tape to let himself in. because one thing about him is that he's gonna let himself into a place he isn't wanted.

he sees the writing of a bible verse in blood on the wall and says something about their grasp of biblical knowledge being "feeble and literal" and i was like okayyy need to have a theological discussion with him

he then scares the other guy who originally wanted to kick him out by reciting a LARGE amount of facts related to similar cases and it's very much giving photographic memory. got me thinking, have we ever seen this man forget something? (directions don't count. they're confusing. but everything else sticks in that man's brain)

he just needs one thing: a phone book. which he uses to call a blood bank and ask about a new guy. who must be the vampire who did this!

so he rolls up to the blood bank and i'm over here struggling because i do Not Do Blood, and i knew at this point this was gonna be a tough watch, but i didn't anticipate the non-blood related reasons why this would be true

anyway he's sniffing around the blood bank and he hears some slurping and wouldn't you know, this dude is tearing into a bag of the red stuff like it's a capri sun. somehow he gets him into custody, where the dude refuses to talk because the lights are on, and mulder comes in with a lamp he put a red filter over, because he was prepared for vampire interrogation.

the vampire is going on about how what he did isn't murder because it's not like animals hunting prey is murder which is. not the greatest approach in terms of legal defense. mulder tells the guard that the guy is delusional and it's best to play along, and he believed this to be true... until he, quite literally, burned to a crisp in the sunlight. and died.

he's talking to the coroner and rattling off a bunch of vampire facts and says he didn't believe in vampires which is so funny to me because like. why is that where you draw the line, my friend. not at bigfoot and definitely not at aliens. but man. vampires are just too out there for spooky mulder. until now!

the coroner has a very funny line: "you are really upsetting me... on several levels" which seems to be the general effect fox mulder has on people. and also because i felt the same way about his dumbass actions during this episode.

coroner finds a stamp on the dead body's hand, which seems to come from a nightclub. so naturally our fbi agent ends up there.

you often see posts saying that "(insert character here) should be at the club". i fear that this is not the case for fox mulder, but it's possible that it's his suit and tie that are throwing me off. he just doesn't seem like he belongs there. i ask myself, where should he be instead? perhaps some sort of star wars convention would suit him better. a book signing with some author he likes. idk, an interior decorating festival. not here.

i shall use my verbatim words to walk you through the next scene:

"pause. he's talking to a woman who was looking into a compact without a mirror. so. vampire suspect. and now why are they getting so close together. and getting a drink. okay now they're leaving to a new spot together? AFTER she admits to vampirism"

(here she did some stuff that required me to look away from my screen due to my Weak Constitution. but also it would have felt necessary to look away anyway because it was getting... charged)

she tries to get him to... suck on her finger... but he won't do it because aids. which is fair. i think that's a smart move, actually. it's just that getting flirty with a vampire he knows was involved with a ton of killings was such a stupid move, i don't know why it's now the braincells start to kick in.

that kills the vibe, though, so she gets another guy to take his place and things escalate.

mulder pulls in at a restaurant called ra. nice! the sun god! and he is... through a window, witnessing some more slurping action. he seems to want to intervene and save this poor soul being feasted upon...

but the poor soul is no poor soul at all! he comes out and decks mulder, and delivers this line with stunning conviction: "i don't know who you are, freak, but we're two consenting adults" and with this, he is forced to flee.

and yeah. it made me laugh. my expectations for the genre were subverted. he signed up for that shit! what he did not sign up for, however, was the next part, where he was killed by the other vampires.

cut to investigating the crime scene. mulder has brought along a forensic dentist, which is a job i had no idea you could go into. he needs to see about those bites, which are very human.

next they go to vampire woman's house. it's a very nice place. mulder... opens her oven. and sees a loaf of bread in there. and i'm thinking, man, i hope this doesn't go where i think it's going. baked goods... ovens... i never want a vampire pregnancy arc. but he cracks open the loaf and something red spills out and somehow, this to him means that she is gone and isn't coming back. he can read the signs of the bread. so add that to his resume. what did the bread tell you, my liege?

he seems to have stayed in her house, however, because he's there when she's back, and says he knows she was using the bread as a charm to ward off evil. because apparently that's an eastern european thing, blood bread to warn off evil. sound off if any eastern europeans in the chat wanna confirm or deny.

anyway. he's IN this woman he thinks is a vampire's HOUSE? what the hell. mulder seriously i need you to stop and think. like you should have stopped and done some thinking a while ago. honestly i'm not mad i'm just disappointed. and he's like "i want to save you come with me before they kill you" ohhh big tough man needs to save her huh. make him feel good inside. huh. certainly no ulterior motive here...

she's monologing about her horrible childhood and how sweet blood tastes. um girl. don't lie to him like that. i have busted my lip open before that stuff does NOT taste sweet and dangerous. it's like a penny with rust that you found in a parking lot.

it seems her vampiric origin story, if to be believed, is that things simply got too kinky. which is a new take on the genre.

(it's also about being caught in an abusive relationship and the damage that inflicts, but it seems abusive boyfriend came into vampirism at his kinky parties and things escalated from there. which. well. it blew the eyebrows clean off my head, to be fair)

at this point we see that he is WEARING SCULLY'S NECKLACE? he says something like "it's from someone i lost" and she says that she "hopes he finds her"

i did not like the undertones here and certainly not the overtones. because i knew where this was going. he was shaving in her bathroom. and let me tell you something: there is only ever a shaving scene in media because the writer needs a way to get some blood out of someone's body and into the real world. and man. i knew it was coming.

but what i didn't see coming was her SHAVING HIM??? girl. i am uncomfy. and she does, of course, cut him, and then they kiss. aggressively. terribly aggressively. can anyone answer what was going on in a satisfactory manner?

but the gag is: the original vampire- who burnt to a crisp in the jail cell, and was the abusive ex she spoke of- HE'S WATCHING THEM THROUGH THE WINDOW!

he breaks in and taunts the vampire woman about how he had to "wait for her to finish" and i was like cool. thank you SO much for that mental image i'm super happy with it. i definitely don't feel like i need a shower. but then he's going on about how he can't be killed.

here, at the tail end of the episode, we learn the rules of vampirism in this world: a vampire cannot be killed by a non-vampire. and a non-vampire BECOMES a vampire by consuming the blood of a believer and also taking a life. it is only here we realize that this woman is not an actual vampire yet, she just appropriates their culture by drinking blood unnecessarily.

mulder's still sleeping in her bed and she's like "you need to leave" and she stabs the wall to make her evil ex think she's killing him. but when they go to break out, mulder ties him up quite handily and he gets in the car to escape with vampire woman. until ANOTHER vampire woman jumps on the hood of their car. and main vampire woman knocks her out for a bit by running into her with said car, which is super effective.

mulder's leaving the place in shambles, his shirt still unbuttoned, wandering down the side of the hill. back at the house, now that we know the vampire rules, main vampire woman says she can finally kill the evil vampire ex. and he's like how!! you haven't had the blood of a believer or taken a life. so. she licks the blood off her hands (unclear if it's hers or mulders tbh) and says she'll take her own life. and drops a match after pouring gasoline.

so. that brings that to an end. and shabby looking mulder sits on a hill as he learns all four in the house died.

the episode ends with him playing with scully's necklace. which i don't even sort of feel like unpacking right now but maybe another time.

probably not, though, because i just didn't like this episode. and yeah, a lot of it comes down to me not wanting to see mulder hook up with people who aren't scully. can you blame me? is it so wrong to have preferences in this world?

but also, narrative wise- do you honestly see the guy fucking off to cali while scully's still missing to deal with an unrelated problem instead of devoting every hour of his life to finding her, like we saw him do in the last episode? you expect me to think he just puts it off for a lil while? the guy who, just last episode, pulled his gun on the ski lift operator to get to the top where she might be a little faster, and then choked his one and only suspect out of fury? you're thinking this is the guy that's gonna go soak up some west coast rays?

and yeah, he was obviously not himself through the episode- very cold and analytical- but c'mon. we all want to bang a vampire. he's not special. i just personally wouldn't do that if my friend were gone. like how is that gonna help the situation. be so for real. time and place!

and also the whole only learning the rules of being a vampire about 5 minutes before they need it to be plot relevant. that annoyed me too.

overall, mulder, like i said, i'm not mad, just disappointed.

let me know what you thought on this episode- i try to not be a hater, but i also understand that hating in small doses can be good for the soul. if it's a widely beloathed episode i'll feel better in my judgement as i join a long tradition of haters who have come before me.