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#it's very hard to encapsulate exactly what they all do but they all bring wonderful things to the table
lectern-fullcauldron · 7 months
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thinking about the development of server infrastructure again and how different members came in at different times and each offer the modern server new roles and inputs. The stories that they tell would not be the same without input from the hermits who shaped them, in their own special ways.
S1: Xisuma - technical admin and redstoner, Hypno - website dev, Keralis - hardware provider and community acclaimed builder, Joe Hills - democratic admin and wildcard, Bdubs - acclaimed builder and introducer of meeting powerpoints
S2: Cleo - armour stand master and administrative council member, Mumbo - redstoner and professional silly goose, TFC - grindy minecraft player with decades of wisdom to share, jevin - speedrunner with a love of the grind, false - acclaimed builder with phenomenal pvp skills, tango - community acclaimed farmbuilder (the iron titan) and server admin, xbcrafted - chill builder with a love of guardians
S3: impulse - farm builder and community organiser, etho - minecraft deity who justs wants to have fun, doc - technical groundbreaker and server lagbuster
S4: Wels - acclaimed builder and rap battle defender, iskall - game maker and rabble rouser and iskallman, scar - community acclaimed builder and event organiser, cubfan - grindy supportive troublemaker, rendog - event organiser and drama king, beef - game maker and builder
S5: stress - storyteller and builder, zedaph - wildcard redstoner, bdubs again - very talented silly goose and storyteller
S6: grian - builder and rabble rouser and storyline crafter
S8: gem - builder and headmistress of hermit get good training, pearl - builder and infrastructure worker
S10: skizz - vibe machine and zit emotional support, beans - builder and rabble rouser
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So I was thinking about how ppl often talk about the "adult human female" definition being restricting and depressing partially due to it "reducing ppl to genitals" but personally as a cis woman it has kind of helped me a lot.
I have dealt with some body image issues (tho not severe), and altho I have already done some healing before lurking in radfem and gc spaces, I have found the definition to be in fact very... Liberating ? It's concise with some neutral descriptors, and it doesn't comment on much at all. Like it doesn't dictate how you have to dress or act, what body type you should have, what your up bringing should be like, your race, experiences, if you can have body hair or not, your hair length etc. All of that is up to you and doesn't make you any less of a woman! In fact it kind of makes being a woman such a neutral thing it's almost left in the background, a by-the-by thing, not something which controls and defines every small aspect of your life. It allows such variety imo and even confidence in a way. It's just very medical and ig I like it that way lol.
I also don't rlly get the genitals thing anymore bc doesn't the definition tie back more to gamets or something? It just feels rlly rudely interpreted imo but then again I haven't looked in depth on GC scientific proof of arguments lol
~🪼
yeah, this is a very relatable sentiment to me! I remember finally looking into the definition of woman that the people around me had been so vehemently against accepting, and then realizing just how neutral it was.
"adult human female" really is the most bare, least intrusive or demanding definition. just realizing, "oh. all that means is that my body is developed to create egg cells. and that is in fact what it does if I am in good health." was honestly a bit more mind-blowing to me than I'd like to admit. long post below on why!
(content warning I talk about surgery and genitals, not graphic but elaborated slightly and also warning just in general it's a long post. I'm long-posting again :p)
I think a lot of the "baggage" I had with being a woman, especially the disconnect/dysphoric feelings I had around my body and presentation all tying to some idea of "gender" was exactly because for so long the only vague definitions of being a woman were so tied to not just femininity, but also relationships with men. when I was younger, it just was never made clear that the discomfort I felt with my body and mind wasn't just the amorphous concept of gender and being "assigned" the wrong one, I was simply uncomfortable with the societal roles and obligations the world at large around me had hoisted onto me just because I was born with a certain body. I was, frankly, uncomfortable with imagining any future where I tangibly had a relationship with a man. but when everything around me reinforced that to be a woman, you had to be with a man, it was hard to not feel dissociated from my body as a result when I literally couldn't imagine getting older and ever having a meaningful attraction to a man. that, coupled with classic misogyny and patriarchy just constantly shaming and/or objectifying and/or controlling female bodies, no wonder I didn't "feel" like I was a woman!
but, exactly as you said, there isn't really much outside of biology that the definition of "woman" should encapsulate. the term shouldn't limit any expression, and it, in its gender critical "adult human female" state, doesn't box anyone into any set of roles or appearances or stereotypes. now, if we want to get very semantic here, this does technically depend, as all words do, on who you're talking to. obviously a right wing traditional conservative would think of a female in more regressive terms of fulfilling some possible "function" of femaleness and use it to demonize child-free women, but in its least biased, most scientific, and most neutral state, "adult human female" is plainly not about societal gender stereotypes. it's just biology!
I think the definition has also really helped me personally with viewing myself more holistically, not creating further dissonance between my mind and body. I used to really think of myself as two separate entities, my mind a trapped consciousness, stuck in a useless, painful, and burdensome suit of flesh. this kind of thinking really made me feel like my body was, like clothing or legos (lol), customizable. like I could (and should) take apart the pieces that caused my mind distress, and make something new. something idealized. something "beautiful." the act of creation, as trans communities often poetically frame it as. but man, did we as humanity collectively learn nothing from frankenstein? or literally any parable about hubris and "playing god"? I'm the farthest thing from religious, but even I get why sometimes people shouldn't get too ahead of themselves when thinking about what they can make.
of course, surgery, trans surgery especially, has made significant strides and is at least non-fatal and has proper hygienic and fairly humane procedures. BUT, these surgeries (any surgery, really, but certainly these which have a level of "electiveness" to them as they aren't necessarily biologically medically necessary, rather deemed psychologically necessary) are still incredibly life altering and have significant side effects, again, as any major surgery would have. it's almost like surgery is a medical procedure! and those are intense! but thinking of your body as separate and malleable, these surgeries suddenly seem so easy and so logical. when you think of yourself as a sculptor of your own form, the "only" solution to fixing a mind-body disconnect is getting the sculptor's tools out.
whereas, in reality, in the non-idealized, plain, state of nature, the only true solution is simply reconnecting the mind and body. because they really aren't very separate! medical science shows that mental stress and anxiety can cause physical pain, and obviously, physical bodily pain can cause mental distress! it's all so connected, and your sex is woven into every aspect of that. hormones, sex characteristics and genitals are just one part of the intricate machine, and the whole thing becomes way less structurally sound when you decide to just start replacing parts. (afaik, this is why organ transplants are so finicky, bodies are incredibly particular about surgical changes)
okay, weird surgery tangent aside, what I basically realized was that my mind wasn't trapped in a flesh suit, my body wasn't the thing wrong with me because it was female, because it wasn't just my body that represented being a woman. I just was a woman. and it wasn't my body that was wrong for being a woman. it was the world treating me wrongly because I was a woman who didn't dress like, behave like, or want to live as their idea of a woman. and knowing that, ultimately, being a woman simply just meant existing as I already was in good health, an adult, human female, was an important reminder of clarity.
I also never really got any talk of genitals in these definitions either. other than knowing what types of genitals I absolutely did not care for, I found equating only genitals with gender kind of strange, like if you define woman as "people with vaginas or uteruses" doesn't that bring up a whole slew of problems no matter what side you're ideologically agreeing with? for pro-trans this is a bad definition for trans men, but also not having the definition is bad for trans women, and for anti-trans defining people by their genitals just plays into agreeing with the validity of sex-reassignment surgery as a way to truly "become" a different sex? so idk. I think people who interpret "adult human female" as only about genitals and think the definition stops there are just willfully ignoring facts for some reason. gametes are my new best friend I guess lmao.
all that to say, you brought up a really good point and it made my brain light up again and that's why I've suddenly spawned like a thousand more words of pure ramble into the servers of tumblr. I guess I do still have a lot of thoughts about transition and my body and etc. I have realized that I try and think about some of it less often and concern myself with topics that don't give me a headache/existential crisis (very few topics do this, it turns out) but this was a very valuable little reflection time over what being open to some radfem/gender critical can do for me when reconciling with my gender dysphoria! I guess talking gender ideology gives me the dual reaction of happy to delve and blab about some light sociological analysis or philosophy, but it also makes me realize how much of the conversation is always ALWAYS semantics, and how I have to throw up like a million tangents and disclaimers to double make sure I am not misinterpreted simply by a misunderstanding of definitions. maybe I'll reflect/probably rant about the contradictory and slightly stupid fixation on semantics and language within gender ideology at some point...
all in all, a very nice ask! thank you for stopping by again !!
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husbandohunter · 3 years
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Stardew Impact [Stardew Valley+Genshin Impact x Reader]
Part 2/3 Zhongli, Xiao
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Synopsis: “A mysterious phenomenon brought you and your s/o to an unfamiliar world: Pelican Town! Without the power of Visions, the two of you begin to learn the life of what it takes to be...a farmer?”
(DOMESTIC FARM LIFE ROUND TWO)
Genre: Fluff
Others
Diluc and Kaeya
Albedo and Childe
(A/n): This was meant to be part 3 but I couldn't wait to write xiao. Plus Ive been writing Albedo for almost the whole month already Word count_2.6k
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Xiao
• Thrown in an unfamiliar environment puts Xiao on high alert. Instincts kick in and his hand subconciously grabs for his spear. Nothing. Not even his vision activated. Xiao's gaze darts all over before landing on your figure. He sighs in relief, you're safe, that much he can decipher as of now.
• Stripped of his power, left with only claws and teeth (if must) to protect you from any dangers, he was ansty with every little thing. 
• The villagers are so nice??? For what reason must they have to act so friendly to strangers (Xiao wonders). The Mayor even granted you two a vast farmland free of charge. 
• Shortly he realized he no longer had his karmaic debt. Xiao wasn't sure how to live his life in this state. He dedicated his entire existence to years of slaughter and suffering that it became the only thing he knew. He won't admit it of course, he'll just throw in scoffs and remarks about how mundane activities are a waste of time when in reality, he just has no clue on how to handle them.
• Thats why the first day was difficult as you both try to figure out how to plant parnsips. Deciding it was better to go with an experiment, you split the share of seeds in half and used what basic knowledge you had on farming to finish the job. Xiao on the other hand tried copying what you did….though the outcome wasn't so desirable it was a mess. (His trained hands have taught him to be on the rough side).
• He doesn't bother socializing with the townspeople even though he has no karmaic debt to worry about. Xiao thinks you're more than enough anyways so what's the point? 
• Robin is the only person who can tolerate him for obvious reasons (cough Sebastian cough) she knows exactly how to deal with his personality type. His glares don't faze her, she simply thinks its just a teenage phase of some sort. 
• Eventually they become mutuals, Xiao thinks Robin is similar to Verr Goldet in a way. Since he's the one who does the heavy labour of chopping down trees and mining stones for building upgrades, he gets a chance to visit her house quite often. He comes back with lots of recipes too.
• You find out that his adepti blood never left him. Xiao doesn't need sleep so you better believe it when he tells you the next morning that he spent the whole night watering all 300 of your crops (watering is the only process he's good at for farming). 
• Sometimes you catch him staring out of the window, wondering what he may be thinking. Life was so much more different, almost hard to recognize. Was this real? Is it okay for it to be real, just this once? Ever since he committed his duty to Morax, Xiao didn't dream of a time when everything would be peaceful. Yet here he is, no longer a weapon but on a journey to find out what it's like to live as a normal person. 
• Spring: Every morning you find him kneeling behind the cabin with the pet cat (yes, cats seem to suit Xiao very much). He just stares at them, hesitant if he wanted to pet their fur or rub their chin. So he continues to glare intensely, scaring your cat away :(
• Whenever you wanted to attend any of the town's festivities, Xiao wouldn't even hide his distastefulness but goes with you regardless. Why do mortals consider hiding eggs and finding them a fun activity? And what kind of a name is Flower Dance? Can't they just call it a dance?
• Though…he does like the sight of you wearing a flower crown. Xiao likes putting stuff in your hair.
Since setting foot upon this new world, time seemed to have slowed down to the point that almost everything felt like an eternity. And you didn't mind, with him by your side, you wouldn't mind if it did last forever.
The lull of the grass was the only sound Xiao could hear as he closed his eyes and rested his head on your lap. You maneuvered across his scalp in small, subtle motions, surprised with how warm he felt against the heat your palm. He stirs a little and lets out a soft breath before turning his face to lay on the side.
You were slightly intrigued by the yaksha's new demeanor. From far away, Xiao was an intimidating man, even during the first time you laid eyes him, his presence felt similar to a knife pointing at anyone who dares to come too close. But now, the face that usually held his signature annoyance melted into something you never thought you'd see as the sun rays brushed against the surface of his fair skin. You observed the way his dark eyebrows stayed in a relaxed arch. The red crescents lining right above his beautiful long lashes and the sound of soft snores through parted lips. It was hard to believe that this man was the same person who claimed to have ended a thousand lives through thousands of years.
Did he fall asleep already?
Gently moving away the strands away from his cheekbone, hovered your gaze above him and whispered, "I thought adepti don't need rest."
"Hmph," Xiao responds, though there was no harshness in his tone, "Quit trying to be difficult, I didn't tell you to stop."
The smug grin on your face only widens. You lean downward and said to his ear, "And what's the magic word~?"
Xiao sighs at your antics. You were truly pushing your luck today and he simply didn't have the patience to entertain you. Without a warning, he grabs your wrist and pulls you down, foreheads pressing until you were but a breath away. The adepti conquers, he does not plead.
• Summer: As expected, your parnsnips weren't able to grow as much. Thus, this season was going to be the one to make up for the lost profit. Xiao is very good at hunting, perhaps the best in the entire town. Though the way he catches fish is rather peculiar, said by the folks. He prefers to carve a spear made of wood and repeatedly stabs the lake until results show. Xiao dislikes the old fashioned way, he says its unproductive and it unecissarily takes too much time. 
• But as much as he scared the whole town, they were extremely grateful when he cleaned up the slime issues happening in the mines. You could say that he grew very popular since then and eventually mustered up the courage to greet him a hello whenever he passes by. 
• You nudge him to reply back. Xiao usually shoots you a glare but slowly, he learns the courtesy of acknowledging someone's prescence.
• Fall: You woke up to a burnt smell coming from the kitchen. Xiao just thought he would return the favour since you always worked so hard. (He was actually trying to figure out what a 'whisk' was. It was no wonder why there were eggshells in the dish!)
• You realized that Xiao was taking more initation compared to before. At night, when you thought the animals were actively jumping in the barns, the noise was actually from Xiao trying to adjust himself to the ways of tending the field. After learning what TV was, he would always switch to the channel "Livin off the land" to gain some insight. Truly, Xiao was greatful even though he knew he eventually had to return to his duties, he wanted to utilize the current days the best way he could. And what better way was it to just make you happy in return?
• Winter: This was the season to test the accumulation of Xiao's abilities: you caught a cold and he had to manage everything in his own. Xiao scolded you for not wearing enough and being too careless but at the same he considered that you must've been working too hard.
• Goes to Robin for help. She basically became his mom now. Prepares the food and leaves them in the fridge, she teaches Xiao how to use the phone in case he needed any help and also lets him know where all the essentials are. 
• Xiao stayed by your side the whole time even though you told him you'd be fine. But he refuses, he may no longer be a gaurdian but he was your gaurdian. That role never changed.
~~x~~
Zhongli
• You wake up on a soft bed with Zhongli sitting at a chair nearby. He hands you a cup of brewed water but you're still blatlantly confused. Seems like everything was taken care of by Zhongli, it ends up with him explaining everything to you. 
• The folks instantly assumes you both as a married couple. Who could blame them? He did carry your unconcious body all the way to town while asking for a local doctor. You can bet that the ladies wish they were you at that moment. Zhongli took care of everything, including with the contract with the new farm.
• It didn't take long for you both to adjust to the new lifestyle. Zhongli's accumulated knowledge was enough to last all four seasons. Days past by peacefully as you shared the tasks. He'd place down the stone paths towards the gate and you busied yourself with decorating the house. After that was done, Zhongli would rest upon the rocking chair outside your door (like the grandpa he is) and sometimes you'd join him in one reading session. His voice was soothing, you eventually dipped into a slumber as the evening grew colder. Just like always, your beloved brings his arm to encapsulate you from the wind, brushing his thumb against your skin subconciously while you snore softly into his shoulder.
• In a way, the townsfolk were right. You both do act like a married couple. It's basically domestic life with Zhongli in a nutshell.
• He gets connected with Gunther and lands a role in the Museum. Since he's there so often, Zhongli also manages to be acquainted with Elliot as well. Two men who have a common interest with books while speaking in poetic prose. Their conversation would last for hours to the point Gunther had to kick them out of the library!
• Veeeery good with the children, not in an entertaining way but its just the aura he reeks. Penny usually had trouble dealing with Vincent since he never seems to be able to focus but the minute Zhongli speaks, he's all ears. Not only that he was also very good with the elderly. He even recommended some herbs George could take to soothe his back issues.
• Problem is that he still forgets to bring his wallet and Childe isn't here to save him. So once you stepped foot into the Stardrop Saloon and Gus calls you over, he tells you about the cost he owed to his tab….
• But this tranquil life full of genuinity and deprived of sovereignty, he was overjoyed to be able to spend it with you. Because he knew you were unlike him, that all humans were born with an expiry date. He knew so well that after every new greeting, he would have to face the goodbyes over and over until the world eventually came to an end. He knew you were also going to be part of those many goodbyes while he would still be here.
• But as Zhongli walks amongst the fallen leaves, he remembered the beauty that carries within every new beginning. They brought him to you and he would never hesitate to trade his gnosis for it.
Spring: You shot up your bed when Zhongli blast the TV at full volume. He apologizes, saying that he was simply trying to change the channel. You figured it was best for him to go outside before he somehow glitches the screen until it couldn't repair itself (Robin charges for repairs).
• Every thursday you both go to Pierre's store to complete your grocery shopping. He offers to push the cart as you fill the basket with all the necessities (plus it saves you the trouble of having him tossing whatever he sees without looking at the price tag).
• Every afternoon you order a take out from the Saloon, sharing the meal while sitting at the fountain's edge near the community center. Every evening Zhongli would take you to explore the rest of the vast farmland, discovering places you weren't even aware of. It was no wonder why everyone thought you were a married couple. 
• Summer: Since the cabin was too small for a bathroom, you guys would have to travel up the mountains in order to get to the Spa house (cue sweatiness x10). 
• The concept of hotsprings was derived from Inazuma so it was no surprise that Liyue eventually took it after him. Zhongli had collected some incense from foraging items over the past few months, he knows whats up. But overall he gives the best bath sessions (hands down) and you were the one who insisted in joining him.  He was a gentle and sweet lover, always putting your needs before his. Ancient artifacts and old history books have always been precious to him, he treated you no differently.
The heartbeat of the oceans continues to rock back and forth until they brush up on the sandy shore, washing away the two pairs of footprints left behind by a man and a woman.
Gold against gold, his amber eyes reflected against the scenery. Millions of lights flashed among the sea when the sun began to climb down from the sky, it's rays hugged across the valley like an ethereal glow bestowed by the heavens as summer's wind brought even more warmth than what he had currently felt. You trance ahead of with the same light shaping around your form. 
"Oh hey there's another rainbow shell," you waved at him before running off, "I'll be back!"
How is it that you still continue to shine like gold in his memories?
Zhongli suddenly ponders at the chapters laying ahead of him. He spent so many years turning each page without ever reaching a conclusion, forever searching the fabled happy endings written in fairytale books, but he knew his immortality wouldn't grant him that wish.
Thus, the formal archon raised his pen and reweaves his own story. He envisions his future with you by his side, engraving every detail until it was immortalized in his memories.
Perhaps I shouldn't keep her waiting.
With a renewed resolve, Zhongli clutches the gemstone tightly in his palm, he seals the page with the final contract between your future and his.
• Fall: After getting your first house upgrade, it was time for the next event: the ceremony. Yes, Zhongli would only have a wedding if Liyue traditions were involved. Everyone was invited of course, they were quite intrigued with the flashy setup such as lanterns and fireworks (you were a little worried with where he got the budget for such items) and Zhongli even educated Gus about some recipes he can use for the Saloon.
• You found out that Zhongli was saving all his money for this day (it was no wonder that he couldn't pay for his tab!). Old habits die hard, it was a shame that he didn't have his powers to craft the right items, but at least he got to sea you in a traditional eastern dress (it's the part he was looming forward to the most).
• Fall is the best season. One you wouldn't forget.
• Winter: Ah he finally learns how to use  technology after three seasons. He only knows two channels from the TV which was 'Livin off the Land' and the weather channel. Zhongli oftens talks to himself as he tries to figure out more mechanics, he seems to be extremely absorbed in the most basic things.
• The miner of the house. But instead of using them to upgrade tools and donating them to the museum, Zhongli likes to keep some of them for collection. You could say your house also had a little museum in the other room.
• Romcom movies and soap operas. You can't change my mind that this is what you both spend your time watching as the snowstorm rages outside. 
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shotosprincess · 3 years
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what if... — shoto todoroki
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“ what if we kissed then? just to prove that we don’t have feelings for each other. “
summary: ever since you and todoroki started working together as pro heroes, your friends simply wouldn’t let up on teasing you two, suspecting that there was something between you—something that extended past the bounds of business.
notes: fluff ,, todoroki being flustered ( aaaa he’s so cute bye ) the bakusquad teasing and egging ya’ll on ( their dialogue is color coded so it’s easier to read ! ) ,, denki being a little bit of a busybody <3
“ ooooh look who it is! the power coupleeee! “ the sing-song tone of denki’s teasing rung through the hall as he spotted you and todoroki entering the building from a long day of pro hero work.
grey streaks of dust and ash littered your bodies, streaks of sweat and diluted stripes of dried crimson staining multiple sides on both your faces. his hair was tattered and slightly singed from the discord of an especially-messy battle, yours was tangled in a hopeless mess. a heavy sigh leaves you. that would be a pain to brush through later.
your numbed fingers, body exhausted and worn out, run through your hair in a wordless frustration. shoto tenses up noticeably at denki’s playful comment. “ denki. we’re not a couple. “
his lips raise into a cheeky, if not mildly-irritating smirk as he leans further into the velvet couch, draping his arms round the back. “ oh yeah? take your arm off their shoulder then, shoto. “
your partner’s face lights up with a rose so brilliant, it almost even matched with the rubied strands of his hair. his lips tightly purse together, sliding his arm, which was, in fact, casually resting on your shoulder, off with a hurried swoop.
“ shut it, kaminari. “ he huffs in a low, almost even threatening tone as he walks past the energetic blonde at an increased pace. you frown. he seemed so worked up over it, and for what? it’s not as if this was the first time someone had poked at you for being a “ couple “—which you were not, but you were never the one to readily disprove their remarks, though delivered in a joking manner. it’s not as if you felt anything of the sort for him...right?
so then why was it so hard to admit that you weren’t anything more than what you were on the field? it was the truth, after all.
“ jeez, what’s with him? i was just kidding. “ sticking a lollipop into his mouth, he turns to lay down fully on the couch, stretching his back out with such leisure.
your eyes followed him as he disappeared past a corner, shaking your head in confusion. “ no clue. “
it was just one of the countless circumstances in which people had poked at the two of you for your not-so-platonic habits with one another, habits which, admittedly, hinted at something...more than friendship. more than a partnership. this was nothing new.
but of course, you pushed it all away, allowing the rumours and silly hashtags and fanmade edits and youtube compilations to completely ricochet off of you. however, the same couldn’t exactly be said for todoroki. shame.
you didn’t quite know why, but he always got so unexplainably tense about it whenever someone brought the topic up. he’d curl up his fists so aggressively it’d leave crescent marks the next day, rearrange his face into a scowl—it was clear that he hated it, joke or not. honestly, you didn’t have the guts to attempt to make them stop, for you knew that if you had, you just knew that the public would somehow find a way to turn it into “ proof “ that you were dating, all because he got so riled up and flustered. which was silly, really, since it was a perfectly normal human reaction to something like this.
though you can’t help but wonder if, perhaps, he did feel that way about you, and maybe that was the reason he—
no, no, what were you thinking? he couldn’t possibly...right? you were just partners. nothing more, nothing less.
but if he did think of you like that, would you want something more?
“ oh come on, just admit it! if not to the public, then to us at least. aren’t we friends? “
“ yeah, icy hot. i mean, seriously, have more guts— “
“ ...how many fucking times do i have to tell you, bakugou...we’re not a couple. denki, stop playing around. you’re egging him on. “ shoto’s harsh tone cuts sharply through the banter between denki and the overly-intense ashen blonde, bringing it to an abrupt end. it didn’t exactly last very long, though.
“ yeah, yeah. that’s what i said about that dumbass deku, and look where we are now. “ he rasps, a knowing smirk playing on his face as he pulls his now-blushing boyfriend close.
“ not everything is about love, bakugou. “ he smirks.
“ yeah, who knew you’d be the one to turn out to be such a romantic? “ denki laughs, earning a solid punch to his arm.
“ owww! that actually hurt. “ his lips jut out in a pout, rubbing over the blooming patch of light purple.
“ oh, shut up, idiot! “
“ you know what? fine. y/n? “
you pause, perfectly still and unmoving as the coldness of his eyes burned his unknown intent into you.
“ y-yeah? “
he strides over to you, appearing only inches away within the briefest of seconds. one of his hands quickly finds a home against your cheek, tilting it to look up at him. your heart pulsates at a nearly impossible rate.
“ kiss me. “
“ what? “
“ just this once. to prove that we don’t have feelings for each other. “ he says, rolling his eyes at denki and bakugou, who were futilely trying to cover their smirks.
heat rises to your cheeks, cauterizing them with an unfamiliar flame. “ oh! uh! i—sure.“
what other choice did you have? after all, you did want to prove to everyone that there really was nothing between you and shoto. or maybe, just maybe, you were also trying to prove it to yourself?
no, no. that couldn’t be. it couldn’t.
he wastes no time. his skin, cold and smooth, fingers like porcelain streams, grasp your chin with a fast-paced elegance which sends a prominent shudder down your back. his lips hover just above yours, and the tension buzzing between you is ridiculously electric. he’s so close, your heartbeat rings in your ears and his breath shallowly fans upon your face as he peers into your eyes with his own. you allow them to fall closed.
as if on cue, his lips meet yours with a gentle, albeit fairly aggressive peck. but as soon as they do, your chest spurns with the fibres of your heartstrings, embroidering them tightly into the knots of his own tangled past. you know what he said. you know what you said—it was all to prove that you didn’t feel anything for one another.
but then why did it feel so oddly...right?
he pulls away, and your lips suddenly feel empty, deserted. the electric thrum still prickles at your lips, wanting, no—needing, more. you hate how much your body craved him, how desperately you wanted for his arms around you again. there’s too much emotion, an overwhelming influx. it is near impossible to even articulate it, at least not in a way which could ever hope to properly encapsulate the undeniable magic of the moment. you were being so damn melancholic, and that was saying something, even for you.
when his lips leave yours, you cannot help but be frozen in your simple state of bliss, utterly dazed with hazy remnants of how annoyingly addicting it was. your eyes gloss over with a sense of want, sparkling with the same glitters his icy eyes met yours with. his hand remains on your cheek, but his touch softens against yours.
your silent stare prolongs for more than just the fleeting moment, as if you were subconsciously grabbing at it with invisible arms, reaching desperately to bring each other back. that was when it hit you; the blinding realization that you did, in fact, want this. want him. and yet, you couldn’t help but hesitate. what about him? did he want this? no, no, he couldn’t possibly. after all, this whole kiss situation was only because he wanted to prove that explosive idiot wrong, that there was nothing between you two but teamwork and good quirk compatibility.
your heart stings at the minor epiphany, the thoughts piercing at your head in an endless swirl of emotions. second-guessing yourself, wondering why you even cared whether or not he thought of you that way. or at least, how he didn’t think of you that way. the tiniest shine of a tear begins to coat your lashes when—
his lips crash against yours for a second time, his hand now trailing towards your scalp, weaving through the fibres as his lips danced upon yours. your guard, your hesitation fully melting away in his arms.
but alas, you made the mistake of allowing yourself to forget that people were watching too.
“ ha! i knew it! i fucking knew it! “ kaminari’s playful voice rings like the most annoying song ( in this moment, i mean come on, you loved the guy, but right now? not exactly helping your stance of “ we don’t see each other like that “ ) as his head peaks out from the halls.
instantly you break away, pulling from each other as your hand flies to clamp over your mouth, eyes bulging wide at what you had just done. you had just kissed shoto. in front of, well, practically everyone! since when did mina and kirishima even get here?!
“ shit. “ shoto mutters deeply, thrashing his hands into his two-toned hair in frustration.
“ shoto, i—i’m so sorry, i didn’t know they would— “
“ no, no. don’t apologize. it’s my fault. i...i shouldn’t have gone for a second ki— “
“ honestly, i think i would’ve been more mad at you if you haven’t. “
“ WHAT?! “ your little audience shrieked. your palms clasped right over your mouth after the admission, face burning with embarrassment. the words left you before you could even think them through. had you really just said that? in front of everyone? how carefree can you be?
you stare into the ground, focusing on literally anything but him.
“ hey. look at me. “
you refused.
“ y/n. “ his hand goes up to your chin, making you look up at him. the pout on your face is so plainly obvious, it makes his heart twitch in a slight pain. you could almost swear you heard mina squeal faintly at the boldness of his action, considering the predicament you two were currently stuck in.
“ what? “
“ i...i think i would’ve regretted it more if i hadn’t kissed you again. “
“ you—what? “
“ i...i didn’t want to pull away. “
“ holy shit. “
“ shut up bakugou! “
“ i wanted...i wanted it to last a little longer. “
“ jeez, and i thought i was bad at confessing my feelings. pft. this is just embarrassing to watch. “
“ same here. i mean you did ask midoriya out by yelling ‘ i love you, dumbass! ‘ from outside his dorm window. “
“ hey, idiot! we don’t talk about that! “
“ shhhh both of you! shut up! we are witnessing an important romantic moment here! “
“ i...seriously? “
“ seriously. and i—i don’t know what the hell this feeling....is. but i....i just— “
“ it’s okay. “ you shoot him a reassuring smile, the same kind you always did in the midst of battle, that comforting smile that let him know you had his back. you communicated with your eyes, though usually they were bloodshot with adrenaline and smudged with ash, there truly was no need for words. not with him.
“ y/n...i— “
“ awwwww aren’t they the cutest? now kiss again! “
“ mina. “ he shoots her a lightly cold stare.
“oh come on! let us have our fun, yeah, icy hot? “ bakugou slings his arm over kaminari’s shoulder, whose grin matches that of his blonde-haired counterpart.
“ i thought i told you not to call me— “
“ shoto. “
he immediately turns to you, slipping into serenity at the sound of your voice.
“ ah shit, here they go again. we get it, you’re a cute couple! “
“ mina, i told you. we’re not a co- “ his eyes snap to yours, lips parting in a hesitant pause.
“ not a what, icy hot? “ the smirk exuding of utter smugness upon bakugou’s face only spreads all the wider.
he allows his hands to fall, taking yours within his. there is a brief, yet definite moment of silence before he speaks again. “ i mean... “
your gaze is focused on the way his hands fully envelope yours, and the unexplainable, tingly feeling you’re getting from it all. despite that, you could still very well see mina and kaminari excitedly waving and bouncing in all sorts of directions, as if they were...cheering you on? it was almost as if they were more fired up about all this than you were.
keyword; almost.
“ shoto, i— “
and suddenly his composure and poise breaks, and all that’s left is the rare sight of shoto todoroki, stuttered in a blushing, shaky mess. “ i mean, i wouldn’t be opposed to it. not—not like i desperately want to or anything, but at the same time i—i just—fuck, why is this so har— “
you rise onto your tip toes, hands encircling his neck as you kiss him. what unknown spirit possessed you with the guts to make the first move, it was fully unbeknownst to you. but you weren’t complaining, no. not in the slightest.
“ HOLY SHIT?? “
“ my baby’s all grown up now— “
“ dumbass, they’re not your bab— “
“ they’re mine. “
“ i— “
“ that is, if you want to b— “
“ well no shit, dumbass! “ you jump into his arms, squealing as you squeeze him tight.
“ good. because...so do i. “
“ i told you! “
“ shut up idiot! “
“ hey, so now can we start a fan account for you two on instagram? i’m sure it’d totally blow up! “ mina squealed with a wink, holding up her phone, already halfway through the sign up process.
“ mina! “ everyone groaned in a laughter-filled unison.
so that was it, you supposed.
you did have feelings for each other.
279 notes · View notes
whosjunglejim4322 · 4 years
Text
Bramosia | J.Seo (m)
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Genre: pwp, knight!au, smut, fluff, he is, and I can't stress this enough, madly in love with you
Warnings: loss of virginity, pussy eating, mutual pining and longing, it's forbidden but who's gonna stop u??? Exactly. Inaccurate descriptions of the time period probably, inappropriate use of the word princess, he fucks you to tears, this is so self indulgent I gotta blast
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The moons unearthly luminescence bleeds through the windows that sit directly above your wing of the old castles corridor, a reminder of why he bears the heavy sword that hangs off of his hip, of why he's here in the first place.
He rolls his aching neck, blinking his dry eyes a few times in an attempt to dampen them. He's usually not so worn by now.
Perhaps the two of you had gotten too carried away last night, it's too easy when you're with eachother. Effortless, like that of a flowers perianth traveling wistfully through a summers breeze. It's easy to forget.
He's here to protect you, nothing more, as he is was a proffesional in all that he does. He is a knight, after all. One of the best. Your father wouldn't have requested him from a province so far away if he weren't damn good.
Six months ago, it seems like a lifetime away and yet the memory of seeing you for the very first time is so vivid behind his eyelids, tangible as if he could reach out and hover his palms over the warmth the halo around you seemed to emit.
He smiles to himself, the image keeping him sane and distracting him from the ache in the soles of his feet. He knows you're probably not sleeping, he wishes you wouldn't worry about him. He's doing it to himself, really.
He is a warrior but he is only so strong, so resilient. He has never been stricken by such a force as to have his bones feel as weak as they do when he looks into your eyes, when you cup his face in your hands like he is the most delicate thing you have ever seen. 
Sure, he hadn't been the most nonchalant. His eyes barely left you even during the brief moments in which his life is not sworn over to do so, and you being you, caught him almost every time. You'd smile, fleeting enough for only him to notice.
You never get the credit you deserve, he had come to find out over the past several months. Being a princess, as fawned over the title may be, it wasn't meant for you.
You'd scowl at the name of every prince your father mentioned might come visit, which he'd take pride in secretly. You wouldn't even scold him whenever he'd been clearly protective in a manner than suggested that it was more than just the job that inclined him to act that way.
Perceptive, and clever you are. And to think, you might feel even a fraction of what he feels, it causes his heart to thunder loudly behind his sturdy ribcage, momentarily reducing his fatigue.
You are the only one in all of his twenty five years of life that has threatened to shake his very foundation, like you've found a way to wind yourself through every ridge of his skeleton like vines of Wisteria.
Sundays are always the hardest, you're still so fresh in his mind, on his skin. It's like every inch of him has been permanently marked, he can still feel the weight of your body against his and the warm puff of air from your lips against his earlobe as you sing his name.
His sigh is quiet in the vast, empty space around him. He shouldn't be thinking of you so late, when he's so tired. It makes him ache for you all the more, make him wish life was anything but what it is now. That he could be with you unabashedly.
That he could be your protector, and not just in a way that could be be permanently devastated if anyone were to find out about the two of you.
He doesn't realize he's closed his eyes, not until he has to peel them open and search for the source of the soft voice he's just heard whisper his name into the dark.
He furrows his brows as a stream of warm candlelight spills through the crack in your door from your room, your form coming into a few just a moment later, as if beckoned from his dreams.
"You're really going to stay out there, John?" He foresees your incredulity, smiling at the hand thats propped up on your hip.
"Those are my orders, princess." He has a hard time not staring at you, even in such poor lighting you are still the most beautiful thing he's ever witnessed.
He's always stubborn about breaking the made up rules you two have put in place, like only meeting in private on Saturdays. Despite his inability to resist you he still needs to keep you safe.
"My father is a whole wing away, don't you know," you emphasize your point by stepping out past your doorframe, tiptoeing at an almost imperceptible pace towards him. "and if danger were to arise, how much more convenient need it be, than for you to be right there with me?"
You're standing right in front of him now, weaking his resolve eith each syllable that passes those pretty lips of yours. It's strange, how he still wonders if your feelings for him are resolute as his are for you, when you're the one always asking for trouble. Eager to have your way.
When you reach out to grab his waist, he breaks.
"Princess, if someone were to see that I'm not outside of your room guarding as I'm supposed to,"
You interrupt him, pressing yourself closer until he can feel your chest against his, the barrier of his clothing suddenly a burden far heavier than before.
"Who? Who might see? Everyone is asleep, you should be."
You stare up at him and he can't seem to resist the pull, meeting your eyes and unclapsing his hands from behind his back to stroke the apple of your cheek with his knuckles.
You heel into his touch, beaming as you realise you've already gotten your way, evident in the way he sighs your name as if the word fills him with oxytocin.
"You really are trouble," he cups your face, calloused fingertips swiping a fallen lash from underneath your eye. "trying to lure me in, like a siren. I'd be willing to go, anyways."
You lift yourself to the tips of your toes, pressing a brief, featherlight, kiss to the surface of his lips. Just enough to bring forth warmth to his cheeks.
"You're silly, I'd be too selfish a siren to do any damage. I'd have to keep you all to myself."
His arms are strong and steady as the encapsulate you, the fears and worries of outside intruders fading with each second spent in eachothers presence. It's like nothing else exists.
"Please, Princess. It's hard enough already, to be away from you," he's on the verge of losing any bit of hope for his sanity, but as anticipated, you won't have it.
"And you don't think it's hard for me? You think that I enjoy knowing that it is prohibited for me to be like this with you? I am many things but I am not selfish, so if you don't want to come with me then I won't force you."
He has to bite back a laugh, or maybe a scream of frustration and agony all at the same time. Here you are, so close he's sure you can hear how his pulse pounds beneath his skin at your presence, actually accusing him of not wanting you. It's preposterous.
You glare up at him when his arms don't loosen their grasp.
"You must be mistaken, sorely mistaken. If you think that any moment spent without you is even the least bit pleasant for me, you're wrong. So wrong it's a bit humorous," he kisses your cheek, and then the other. Your skin tingles where his lips grace.
"You may not be selfish but I am. So selfish that I'd give into my own desires even if it meant that one slip up could ruin it all. Don't you see that?" You sigh blissfully, in spite of his words, when he kisses your nose.
"Well I think that's stupid, I'd never let such a thing happen. I've lived here my whole life, I'd be able to predict the likelihood of someone coming up here during such a late hour."
He doesn't miss the pitch of sadness that comes with talk of the castle, he knows that there is so much you still have yet to experience. So much you'd like to do, so far away from here.
Still, he can't deny the truth in which you speak. You're right, and he knows that you're as careful of these things as he is. He trusts you, as you trust him. And what is he going to do, say no? He'd never have the willpower.
His broad shoulders relax, his hands suddenly engulfing yours.
"Alright, you don't have to pout anymore. You know I'll end up kissing it from that pretty face of yours anyways."
You suppress a giggle of elation, squeezing your fingers around his as you turn to quietly pull him into your room, peering into the the hallway once more to make sure the coast is clear, before you ease your door shut.
And then at once, he is what you taste on your tongue.
His lips always leave you breathless. The way he kisses you, it's as of you are his only source of oxygen and his lungs burn with the need for air. He is fierce, but so very concise. You almost forget that he so ruefully pretended to put up a fight.
Your arms mold around his neck as he slouches the slightest bit in order to make the reach easier for you, knowing how you like to bury your hands in his hair and tug at the strands whenever he does something that you'd like more of.
Your eagerness is a bit more exuberant tonight, normally you'd still be a bit bashful, giggling between pecks and having to turn your face away before kissing him again.
But you haven't pulled away from him yet, not even for a breath and suddenly his skin is sweltering towards what feels like a hundred degrees. He's pretty sure you've just whispered his name.
He's already gone, helplessly lost in the way you're clinging onto him with all your strength.
"John." Just his name falling from your lips in the form of a sweet sigh has his knees buckling.
He's careful, hesitant even, when he cups the back of your knees and allows you to fall atop your bed, the sight almost too much to bear. He can never catch a break.
But he has to look at you, has to see the look in your eyes, the gleam that shines in your blown out pupils as your fingers tug at the clothing hanging loosely on his body. He fights back a groan.
Of course things have gotten intense between the two of you, but nothing more than over the clothes petting. And, even then, that drove him to the brink of insanity. He didn't think he could ever be putty in someone's hands until he met you.
It feels like everything is happening so fast yet not slow enough, it seems as if you're blooming like a lotus before his eyes and he wants to capture every little detail. Just incase one day his memories are all he has of you.
You pull him back down to your mouth, legs suddenly looping around his trim waist, knees locked on either side. You practically purr as his hands, large and tender, grace your thighs only to be met with bare skin where your nightgown has risen up.
He's breathing heavily when your mouths depart momentarily, his doe eyes an onyx pit of desire and emotion as he stares down at you, lips ruby red.
You nod, as if reading his mind and answering the dozens of unanswered questions that sit unmoving at the tip of his tongue. Still, his eyebrows are pulled together in concentration, in tentative restraint.
"You can touch me. Please, touch me."
Your skin is heavenly underneath his trembling touch, from the soft hair atop your thighs to the way you so perfectly mold around his fingers. You're a gift of the most ethereal kind, here in front of him.
You coo at him with a voice of an angel, pulling at his face in an attempt to have him kiss you again. He's been too busy ogling, and repays you with the press of his mouth against the crook of your neck.
You lift your chin to allow him more access, eyes fluttering closed and thighs tightening around his middle when you feel the warmth of his open mouth against your throat.
"You're so sweet, so pretty." He mumbles, practically floating.
He nips at your collarbone, and you can't stop your hips from bucking up against him, your clothed center meeting his hardened length through the material of his bottoms.
The air is thick with tension now, you can feel it buzzing through the both of you like ths thrum of a thunderstorm. He sucks in a breath, lips ghosting over yours.
"I want to make you feel good, If you'd allow me." He tries to control the shake in his voice but he's not sure he's succeeded. What a mess you've made of him.
You kiss him for what seems like the hundredth time but feels like the first, still sending jolts of electricity through your body and causing heat to swirl in your loins. You can barely speak.
"Y-Yes, yes I'll allow you."
Your voice is foreign to your own ears, clouded with desire and a desperation that is as overwhelming as it is strange and new.
But having him here, knowing he's the one whose hands are touching you, it's comforting in a way that leaves no room for doubt that he is nothing but kind. Nothing but adoring.
It's hard to tell with just the luminosity of a single candle on your bedside table, but you're almost certain you can feel him shuffle. At least, his weight seems to have shifted, his arms suddenly caged around your waist, upperhalf between your legs.
And then you feel it, the plushness of his lips just above your knee as he lifts your legs by your calves, placing them over his shoulders. You're not sure you can focus on anything else now, breathing suddenly heavy.
"You're so beautiful, you know that?" His voice is so close, yet far away in an unfamiliar way. It has butterflies swarming your belly.
"I'm so lucky, so so lucky..." He trails off between kisses, shifting from one thigh to the other, slowly but surely making his way towards your center.
It's only now in your bird brain that you're beginning to realize what exactly he's about to do, and it's like some switch inside of you has been flicked on, toes suddenly curling in anticipation, wetness soaking into the fabric of your underwear.
The desire isn't just in your belly now, its everywhere. All consuming, when he pushes your nightgown up and bunches it around your hips, the air cool against your skin. You shiver, and his cheek brushes against the crease of your thigh.
"Have you ever been touched like this, princess?" He's curious but not pushy, just wants to know. When you shake your head, he swallows.
He's slow and steady, pulling your underwear off your hips and down your legs, allowing the garment to fall to the floor. You don't clamp your legs shut, despite the instinct to shield yourself. You've never hidden yourself from him, and you know there's no reason to.
Esepcially not when he's looking at you like he is right now, like a man starved whose just been presented with a meal of his favorite kind. He glances up at you, with eyes that shine with gratitude, and awe alike. You reach out to stroke his hair.
And then, suddenly, his face is gone from your view. You feel it, first, before you register that it's happening. A gasp leaves your lips the moment your back arches ever so slightly off of your mattress, his hands keeping your thighs apart as his tongue licks another flat stripe through your folds.
You feel exposed in a way that only feels as intoxicating as it does, because he's the one with his mouth on your cunt, suckling your bud between his lips and swiveling his head side to side. You tug at his hair.
A guttural groan resonates in his throat and the vibration serves as direct stimulation, a mewl leaving your mouth as you buck you hips up against his skilled tongue.
"Shhh baby, stay quiet for me," you furrow your eyebrows, looking down at him with stars in your eyes. "I know, I know sweetheart." He reads the pleading in your eyes, soothingly rubbing your hips as he delves back in.
It's not easy to stay quiet. Not at all.
If you'd thought him rubbing your clit through your clothes was something to be noisy over, nothing prepared you for this.
He's so good at it, so generous with every lap of his tongue. The sounds are lewd and loud in the shared space, and his tongues pace only increases when you reach down to find his hands. He intertwines your fingers before you give him the hint.
You try to keep your volume low, your whimpers almost inaudible but loud enough to spurr him on, to have his hips rutting against the bed while he kisses your cunt with passion only a lover could have.
Bliss overcomes you faster than you expect, and swallows you whole like a vicious, unmerciful hurricane.
Your thighs tremble against his strength as he keeps them parted when they threaten to close, your fingers twisted in the comforter as tears well in your eyes.
You're not sure if you're making any noise, the light too bright behind your eyes, bones suddenly weightless as his tongue licks you clean. You twitch, aware that you've let out a whine. The feeling is agonizingly pleasant.
You're still throbbing when his hands suddenly grasp your jaw, head lolling in his direction as he presses his lips to yours. He's serene, slipping his tongue into your mouth, humming.
You're certain, now. Certain that you need to have him in every way there is to have someone, for your heart may forever be unsettled if it doesn't get to taste what it's like to love him wholly, completely.
"I want to-" you've got his rapt attention, as you always do, and he stares down at you with a lovesick expression as you struggle to find the strength to say it out loud.
He's grown accustomed to reading your countenance, only time allowing him to grasp the meaning behind every crease and line that forms on your face, he's certain you could give him one look and he'd instantly know what it is that you're trying to say.
One perk to having a secret rendezvous, though he still needs to hear you say it. He'd only take your word for it regarding something like this, something that he's dreamt about more times that he'd like to admit.
He can't hide his surprise, thumbs stroking your face.
"You want me to..." he quirks an inquisitive brow, nearly becoming distracted when your tongue darts out to wet your bottom lip. "you want me to be your first?"
Even the words have you latching onto him tighter, desperate to feel the warmth of his skin against yours.
"Yes, I want that very much...do you...also want that?"
He grins, widely and for a moment you forget he was born to be made of steel, that he's fought all of his life and has bruised his skin for the sake of his kingdom. You want to kiss away every bad memory in his head.
"How could you even think you have to ask? I want nothing more, just you. You're all I'll ever want."
The veracity in his voice, suddenly hoarse, makes your skin feel like it's being tickled by a million, tiny feathers. You never knew anything could feel like this.
A heartbeat later, your hands are slipping underneath his top to make an attempt at pulling it off, your excitment not a good match for your lack of coordination. Of course, he doesn't mind helping.
He slips his sword from his hip while you stare up at him with wide eyes of reverence and desire, so much of him being exposed at once causing a swelter of heat to boil underneath your skin.
Your hands are hesitant, hovering around his lithe hips as he sits back on his haunches, chest rapidly rising and falling as the atmosphere begins to soak into his pores. He can't believe he gets to make love to you.
"You can touch me, princess," he's the one reassuring you now, knowing that beyond your headstrong personality when you're with him, you're still so timid; trembling like a leaf in autumn.
His dexterous fingers gently grasp your wrists, placing your palms over his abdomen, keeping your gaze all the while, head nodding in encouragement.
He's soft, soft on the surface at least. The soft down that covers his honey colored skin is like silk underneath your fingers, a juxtaposition to the rigid muscle underneath that flexes as your fingertips move upwards towards the broad planes of his chest.
You hook your fingers around his shoulders, and pull him down to your mouth, determined as your heart bellows inside of your body.
It's wilder this time, the wet sounds loud in your ears, his tongue waltzing with yours. You rake your nails down his sides, and he damn near growls.
It's a blur, the way he slips the straps of your gown from off of your shoulders, before removing the garment completely and throwing it behind him. Somewhere in between he pulls the covers out from underneath you, sensing the chill that runs through you like a tremor from the exposure.
It's during that brief moment when you're too drunk on adrenaline, that your fingers begin pulling at the buckle of his bottoms, too eager again and not being able to unfasten it correctly. Always the gentlemen, he does it for you, again.
He's careful now, not completely planting himself against you yet when he kisses your neck and takes your breasts in his massive palms, squeezing indulgently.
You pull him up by the ridge of his jaw, wrapping your legs around his middle as you had previously, letting out a small gasp as his hard length suddenly comes to lie heavy between your legs when you beckon him closer by your heels on his back.
"You're sure you want me?" He slips his hand that's not cupping your cheek, down in between your bodies to rub your clit with his middle finger, actually expecting you to be able to speak coherently. He supresses his gasp upon feeling the abundance of your essence.
It's hard to focus, when he's looking down at you like that, when you can feel every ridge and curve of his naked body against yours. Perhaps it's being able to to tell that he's feeling the same way just by the way he speaks, that makes it so intoxicating.
"You're all I'll ever want." You echo his earlier words, and his laughter fills your ears like a lullably. You reach out to push his dark hair out from in front of his eyes, his lips catching your palm and placing a kiss to the center.
"It'll hurt, I'll go as slow as you need me to." You see the worry creased between his brow, and you soothe it away by clenching your thighs around his waist, silently beckoning him.
"Please, please fuck me."
It takes him by surprise, cock twitching against your sex. You sound so sweet, so angelic even when you're requesting something so filthy.
He lifts himself on his forearms, reaching down to grasp his shaft. Your hands are in his hair a the while, fingers tracing shapes across the nape of his neck. You suck in a breath when he rubs the tip against your clit, arousal leaking from your slit.
He rubs his cock against you like this, through your silken folds and back up to your sensitive nub, until your head is thrown back against the pillows, face turned to the side and canorous mewls slipping past your lips.
Your eyes flutter open when he kisses you, finally prodding your entrance, readying you. Your teeth gently sink into the plush surface of his bottom lip, as if urging him to continue.
Your mouth falls open when he begins to push himself inside of you. You have to brace yourself by clinging onto his biceps, reminding yourself to breathe.
If you weren't as wet for him as you are, you're sure it would be more painful. It still stings, even more so as he begins to bottom out, using every bit of self control he has as to make sure he doesn't accidentally rut into you with too much force.
He meets your eyes when he's fully sheathed inside of you, your fingernails leaving crescent moons in his skin. He doesn't mind it one bit.
"Are you alright?" The tenderness in his voice is accompanied by his lips across your cheeks, down your jaw, over your eyelids.
"Mhm. J-Just stay like this, for a second, please." Your walls flutter around him and his eyes fall heavy. He stays as still as he can for the moment, fingers massaging your soft hip.
"I never thought...never dreamed we'd get to do this." He speaks in an irrevocable way, swelling your heart over two times its size with how he talks about you. Like you're truly something magical.
You wiggle your hips, his gaze searching for yours and lighting up with newfound determination when you give him conformation to move. He slowly drags himself out, before pushing himself back in.
"If you only knew...how much I truly think of you." You speak steadily despite the wave of pleasure that ripples through your body, from the pit of your stomach outwards, touching every nerve.
He's big, bigger than you expected, but curved in a way that has you fighting a cry. Your lungs ache with the need to make noise, to express how it feels to have him inside of you like this. You squeeze around him, and he smashes his lips against yours.
You never thought it would feel like this, you'd heard mixed reviews but clearly none of them had ever experienced what it's like to have someone like him demonstrating their skill.
He's precise, a little shaky but only because he's concentrating on not literally cumming after two minutes. You're everything he's ever wanted and more, you're soaked and warm around him, chest pressed flush against his. Your hardened nipples threaten to distract him.
His hair tickles your forehead as he begins to create a steady pace. He's got one hand behind your right thigh, cupping it and hiking it up just the slightest bit while he fucks into you, curling his hips.
He swallows your moans, tasting the sense of surrealness on your tongue. He feels it too, groaning when you tug a tuft of his hair.
"You're mine, all mine, fuck." His voice is hoarse, hips stuttering as he begins to rock into you, not completely pulling himself out of you before nudging your cervix again. His mouth catches the edge of your jaw, then your earlobe.
He buries his face in your shoulder, and you wrap your arms around his neck, pressing your lips against his hair as you keep yourself quiet. He can still feel the way you're shivering, the whispers of cries that are audible when you breathe.
"I'm yours, I'm yours." You're not sure you could ever feel this way about someone else, and not just because he is all that every single one of your senses seemed to be attuned to.
He's deep inside of you, reaching places you never would be able to by yourself, and still holds you like you're the entire world. Despite the need that consumes you both, he takes his time.
You feel him everywhere. On your neck, your throat, down to your clavicle where his hot tongue soothes over the mark he's just made.
You can almost feel him in your belly, the tip of his cock nudging the sweet spot of nerves deep within you causing your body to jerk in his hold. He takes note and is determined to drive you over the edge, knowing he's not going to last much longer.
He's yearned for it too long, and nothing his mind could have conjured up would ever compare again.
He lets go of your leg only to bring his hand to where your bodies are connected as one, your face contorted into a mask of pleasure as he begins to rub at your clit, in circular motions, with the same rythym as his thrusts.
"John, ohhh, you f-feel so good." You're slurring your words, high off of his affection. Your belly feels hot, a pressure just behind your navel leaving you writhing, trying to match his pace.
"Yeah? Feels good to have me inside of you?" He's being cruel now, already knowing the answer by the way tears are swelling in your eyes for the second time tonight, irisises shining back at him.
Your hands roam his sides, settling on his hips as you turn your face to hide it against his bicep. He kisses any expanse of skin that he can reach, till the wet spots leave a trail of chills along your body.
You're close, and he knows it. You're already leaking onto the bed, dripping down his shaft.
"J-John...p-please." You're blubbering now, and his fingers circle your clit faster, just enough to have you breathless and unable to speak as his strokes become inconsistent, cock throbbing.
"Shh, I got you baby, gonna make you cum okay? Want you to let go."
Looking up into his eyes, it's hard to resist. Suddenly it's the first time you've met and you're awestruck by his beauty all over again, by the sharp planes of his face that you'd come to realize are soft underneath your touch.
You're kissing him again for the first time, and his lips are as plush and pillowy as they look, his hands big and wsrm as they hold your face steady against his mouth.
You realize you're in love with him for the first time again, staring into honey colored irises and listening to his velvet voice, aware that when he's gone it feels like a piece of you has been taken along with him.
Your body suddenly stills, save for your back arching and his body, sturdy and whole, there to anchor you while you forget you breathe. Your orgasm is all the more powerful this time, with him inside of you, and it's like once youre unraveling it doesn't stop.
He holds the back of your head and allows you to muffle your cries against his chest, fingers latching onto any part of him you reach first, as if you might fall of the face of the earth. He's still rubbing your clit, whispering sweet encouragements in your ear.
You don't pick up all of it, only vaguely aware of the tremor in his tone as he says your name.
And then he's locked against you, every muscle in his body rigid and hard as a strained, muffled whimper resonates from beside your head. He's biting into a pillow, as warmth fills you to the brim and he sloppily fucks it into you.
You're still reeling, when he kisses you like someone who hasn't seen their lover in years and is finally getting the chance to touch them again, to wordlessly express how enamored they are. Wholeheartedly, and irreversibly.
He says it first, which surprises you, considering in your dreams you're always the one professing it to him, stroking his skin or petting his hair and whispering it in between kisses.
But you're sure this is real, you can feel ache in your bones, the throb of your centers where they're still connected.
"I love you." His voice is even more beautiful when he's speaking in such a simple, yet profound way. There's a quiver, but not because he's not being honest. He'd swear on his life, for his conviction.
"I love you too." You reply, looping your fingers round the nape of his neck, toying with the soft hair there.
Maybe he shouldn't be so shocked, but he is. His face can't hide it, the quirk of his full lips, the furrow of disbelief in his brow. You want to kiss his stupid face a thousand time over.
"I love you." He repeats it, as if the words bring forth sunshine on a day shrouded by the darkness of rain clouds.
He repeats it again, when he's hovering over your lips, breath warm against your skin. He repeats it again when he's placing kisses to your forehead, when you giggle and stroke his cheek.
"And I love you, silly silly man." You remind him, willing him by the longing in your voice, to believe it as you believe him.
He repeats it again, when a tear cascades down your cheek like a diamond shaped declaration of your honesty, and he kisses it away, claiming it for himself.
You love him, and he loves you.
And maybe, no matter what happens, that'll be enough.
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BBC's Merlin Season 1 Episode 1: The Dragon's Call Analysis
*SPOILERS- FOR THE WHOLE SHOW*
So I just re-watched episode 1 of Merlin, The Dragon's Call and I thought I'd post my thoughts here, since this is the kind of thing I always wanted after I watched Merlin for the first time. Sorry, it's quite long!!
This episode is great fun to watch but also really interesting from a thematic perspective, as it introduces all the key characters and many key themes that continue throughout the show.
Setting it up as subverting traditional telling's of the legend
The wonderful thing about Arthurian legend is how many ways you can tell it, there is very little canon, it's whole point is that it has been reinterpreted time and again to say different things, be that as it may there are traditional elements which tend to remain constant and Merlin keeps some of these but many it takes out and it sets that up here.
The introduction is like a fairytale, "the young warlock arriving at the gates of Camelot", feels very much like the introduction to a fairy tale. This is on one hand telling us that this is a story we know like any fairytale, but the very fact that Merlin is young shows us that it is going to be different.
On the side, I love the line "A boy that will in time father a legend", because there's just this wonderful gap between the audience and the characters (as there is throughout the whole story), we know that Merlin will do great things, we know that Arthur will too, they are stories we have heard (tying again into that fairytale esque introduction), and its wonderful to know that, to see Merlin and know that he is destined for greatness.
Introduction to characters:
I haven't got a specific section for Merlin here, but its sort of strewn throughout everyone elses.
Morgana:
If you know Arthurian legend you will know that in many (even most) versions of the story Morgana is a villain, so her introduction here is both scary and fascinating. She is so clearly not a villain, and you wonder (if Merlin stays true to this element) what is going to change and happen that she will become one. I knew from the start that Morgana would become a villain (I had heard a lot of spoilers), so it was especially tragic and interesting to watch her character arc because I always knew. Interestingly she is immediately set up in alliance with Merlin, even though they barely interact. We know that he is a sorcerer, and her first lines are oppositional to Uther's stance on magic, she out of everyone in Camelot seems the most likely ally. This is the start of what becomes parallel character arcs, Morgana and Merlin are both fighting for magic to become legal but they end up going about it in different ways, and one is the main villain, the other our hero. They are the same and yet opposites, and the setting up starts from here.
Arthur:
Arthur appears quite simply to be a spoiled bully, not exactly what we expect from the King Arthur we know and love. The position he starts in though is important for a key element of the story which is Merlin and Arthur creating a better world in many ways directly oppositional to Uther's teachings, based on love, kindness, willingness to put others first and respect for others. Uther's world is one where strength is rewarded and he is (in a more adult way than Arthur) a bully, as we learn later he is someone who takes his anger and fear out on others, who takes advantage of his position to hurt people even those he loves. Uther can be a good king, but not when it asks him to make sacrifices of his worldview or things that really matter to him. Uther teaches Arthur some important things but there are many things Arthur has to unlearn, and these bullish tendencies, and lack of respect for others inherent in them are one of them. We do however see Arthur's inherent nobility and goodness in this episode. When he lets Merlin go because even though he's an idiot "he's a brave one", it shows us how Arthur respects what people do rather than who they are. Uther wouldn't of let Merlin go (though to be fair Uther probably wouldn't of picked a fight with a peasant), he would have thought that the law had to be upheld no matter the individual circumstance. Merlin attacked the prince that is definitely illegal but Arthur respects his courage (even though it came at the cost of his humiliation), and there is something different to Uther in that, even good.
Merlin and Arthur:
This episode aside from setting the tone for the more hilarious aspects of Merlin and Arthur's relationship establishes some other interesting things about what they are going to be to each other in this version of the story. Traditionally Merlin is Arthur's teacher, often tutoring him as a child, obviously this doesn't happen here but they retain that element of teaching here. Kilgharrah literally says that maybe it is Merlin's job to change the fact that Arthur's an idiot. Merlin challenges Arthur from the start, willing to criticise him and treat him as an equal (which Arthur actually appears to love), and we see perhaps what Merlin is going to teach Arthur and the more noble elements of Arthur's character that Merlin's going to bring. It is also only within the context of his interactions with Merlin that we see Arthur's best side (at least in this episode). Merlin shows Arthur that he has to treat all people with respect, Arthur recognises that Merlin is brave and full of qualities that Arthur himself admires. When Merlin saves Arthur's life you can see Arthur re-evaluating everything he thought he knew about him, there is a respect there.
Arthur's Mum Igraine
She's not a big part of this episode but she was mentioned and I think its interesting how she's represented. In many ways her representation is highly simplistic, she falls to the fate of many fairy tale mothers in being dead before the story begins, she's a plot device. She is presented (not outright but implied) with all the stereotypical virtues mothers are ascribed with, the woman who's trying to kill Arthur this episode talks to Uther about how hard it must have been for Arthur to grow up without a mother. It's not a huge scene but its an insight into Arthur's character, he was brought up with all the hate and bullishness of Uther without a mother who could have taught him love and kindness. As we later learn Igraine's death triggered the great purge, her loss very much symbolises the loss of love within the kingdom, both in what Arthur's like at the beginning as well as what Camelot has become under Uther's leadership.
Gwen (and Merlin):
She is wonderful and sweet and interestingly (especially for an audience that knows Arthur is going to marry her one day) a servant. It is interesting that the two people who become in the show (and we know as an audience will one day be) closest to Arthur are servants.
The thing about Arthurian legend is that typically its very much set within a context of Medieval feudalism, which means stringent social barriers. The code of equality inherent in the idea of a Round Table is equality among nobles, the code of chivalry is a code of honour for knights not for ordinary people. It's a reflection of the social realities of the era that inspires much of the aesthetic of Arthurian legend as well as the era in which most key tenants of the legend were formed. In making Merlin (Arthur's teacher & (in this show) best friend/soulmate) and Guinevere (Arthur's wife) servants, this show is changing this idea for one more reflective of our own times. It is about absolute equality of all people, and as I've said already the inherent value that every single human being has and the individual capabilities for nobility and goodness and everything the Knights Code admires. It thus sets the tone for what Arthur is going to represent, not just the ideal of knighthood and courage but the ideal of kingship for all people and the ideal of the world that matters to every person.
The self reproducing nature of love and hate
This is an idea which I've always viewed as the main theme of Merlin, the idea that hate begets itself, as does love. This episode is a perfect encapsulation of that theme which recurs again and again. Uther kills a man who is innocent (in the sense that he didn't actually hurt anybody) and the man's mother seeks vengeance and in doing so kills more innocent people because she hates Uther enough that she doesn't care who else she hurts to get at him. This happens again and again in the show, but what this show does that I love is turn it into a main theme by depicting the reverse. Arthur and Merlin are great because they act against this world of Uther's creation, they act with love and compassion and respect for all people, the ends rarely justify the means and most importantly, especially when their actions seem morally grey, they are always motivated by their love for others (not fear or hate- unlike Uther and any number of villains). Uther is the main villain of the show precisely because it is his actions that create every other villain they encounter, Morgana sums it up nicely and somewhat ominously (given what side she ends up on)- "the more brutal you are the more enemies you'll create". Uther views that brutality as strength, but it is the weakness at the heart of his kingdom, it is what makes Camelot a worse place it is what puts everyone he cares about in danger. Essentially the plot of the first episode sets up the cycle of violence that Uther started, though it doesn't set up Merlin and Arthur as breaking it it does set up the idea of equality and respect for all people that Arthur will learn and is essentially opposed to the brutality and cruelty and hate represented by Uther.
Fun non-analysis things
It mightn't seem like it but I do actually watch Merlin for reasons other than copious analysis of themes. It is a highly enjoyable show with characters and relationships (Merthur but also just generally the wonderful representation of friendship and loyalty) I love, and its actually really funny.
Gwen saying "Who'd want to marry Arthur" is peak comedy because we all know, well you.
The weird set up in Gaius' first scene as him being bumbling and slightly insane (in the mad wise old man sort of way), there is literally no carry through, he's not even like this in the rest of the episode, but its hilarious so who cares.
Merlin and Arthur's whole exchange is the funniest thing and Arthur had every insult coming. Also this is exactly how you set up enemies to lovers.
All the writers names begin with J? It's just something I notice every time the intro credits roll and it's just funny (Julian Murphy, Johnny Capps, Jake Michie and Julian Jones)- also two Julian's, I mean what are the chances?
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pynkhues · 3 years
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I got so excited seeing you post about Succession, I am absolutely obsessed with everything about that show from the writing, to the performances, to Kendall fucking Roy. Would love to hear any of your takes or analysis on the Roy siblings.
Oh my gosh, me too, anon. I'd been watching the eps a few at a time and when I got halfway through s2, I started watching them one at a time just because I didn't want it to end! It's been a crazy long time since I've done that, and it was such an invigorating feeling to enjoy a show that much to want to draw it out again. I finished s2 a few days ago and am halfway through a rewatch already, haha, and I am SO. HYPED. for s3.
It's so well written and like you said, the performances are top-notch (Jeremy Strong ridiculously deserved his Emmy last year, oh my god), and just the pay off with plotlines and character arcs is unreal, even if that pay off often hurts. I think it does such a great job of showing how filthy rich they are too, but making no part of their life aspirational? Which is a hard line to walk. They're all so miserable and traumatised and disconnected and lonely and they're destined to stay that way because they have no emotional tools to do or be otherwise. It hurts, but it's so frequently what they deserve too, and that gets so tangled up and twisted. I love it.
And man, the Roy kids!! Putting some broadstrokes analysis / opinions under the cut, because omg, I feel like I'll be talking for 1,200 years otherwise, haha.
Connor Roy
Legit obsessed tbh. When I was growing up, my mum was a huge Spin City fan, so she used to park me and my sister on the floor in front of it with toys while she watched, and as a result I think I have this really warm response to Alan Ruck, haha. He's fantastic in this, and lends the right amount of vulnerability to Connor.
I love that there's this push-pull with him as kind of an outsider, but also not? Like he's there at the table, to borrow the phrase from Tom, but there's very much this feeling that it's a courtesy or formality to Logan's previous family (and god, I'm dying to know more about his mum / Logan's first wife), but that doesn't stop this deep rooted need that Connor shares with his siblings for their father's validation.
I think a lot about what Connor says to Kendall in the s1 finale about how anyone can have a million dollars, but right now, with Logan's empire, they're somebody. It's this sort of tangled disconnect from reality (anyone can have a million dollars??) but also his desire to be seen broadly, but more specifically seen as Logan's son, that I feel really grounds Connor's arc, and I feel like he's just going to get louder and louder about it, especially with his presidential run getting closer.
Kendall Roy
Okay, okay, okay, I know that he's an absolute nightmare and a terrible human, but oh my goooooddddd, I love him as a character. I saw it in somebody's tags on a gifset, but I love this set-up where Logan keeps Kendall on the shortest leash, but it's a leash all of his siblings, despite themselves, want to be on. That's awful, but so indicative of the toxic way that Logan's raised his children.
There's also a great quote from Jeremy Strong somewhere, and I can't find it now, but to paraphrase, he said that the whole family is raised on this idea of strength and power, and Kendall's sort of a case study in strength not being his native language. It's so true, and I think Kendall's smart and resourceful and quick on his feet, but he's also so often desperately trying to wear a costume of who he thinks he should be.
I don't think he's weak (in fact, I think he's really resiliant), but he's definitely a fragile character and an addict, who nakedly needs nurturing that no one is willing to give him, least of all his mother (which, god, that scene when he tries to talk to her in the UK destroyed me) so instead he pretends to mould himself into the perceived image of his father and fails every time.
It's brutal to watch, especially when you see other characters know that and use it to manipulate him. Hell, his own father pretends to nurture and protect him (and I think kind of genuinely does too? But it's so warped?) the whole of s2, and it brings Kendall closer than ever before. It's painful, and affecting, and it's just this manifestation of trauma in a hopeless, cringe-inducing package, haha.
Roman Roy
Another nightmare baby I tragically love, hahaha. I actually think Roman's had one of the most interesting arcs on the show and one of the few that seems to be positive? Like his tendency to not take anything seriously so that he never truly fails was pretty fun in the first season, but to see that evolve into someone who's green but has great gut instincts, and is good when he lets himself be and when he lets himself try, is really invigorating narratively, especially as the other characters all slip further down morally and/or stagnate.
I'm loving the way that it's sort of cannibalising itself though too with him and Geri's relationship suddenly, um, pivoting, hahaha, and especially the way she's honed in on him getting off on being demeaned. There's something really fun about the one character clawing his way up masturbating to being told exactly how low he is.
Plus Kieran Culkin is a gem.
Shiv Roy
Sarah!! Snook!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've had a huge crush on her since Not Suitable for Children so was already totally delighted to see her in this, but oh my god, she's so good, and Shiv is so awful in so many wonderful ways. I love that she's kind of like Kendall in the way she pendulums between extreme competence and the most mortifying self-sabotage, and the way she's a very specific sort of insecure. Logan never asked her, y'know? Not really, and the way she knows she's his favourite, but knows that being his favourite without the validation of succession doesn't mean anything.
In a lot of ways, she encapsulates the show's themes and Logan's abuse in the best way, because she has what her brothers want. Her father loves her more openly than he does any of them, but that love isn't enough, because Logan's made sure it never will be. It's not a true love after all, because Logan loves them, but he loves none of them more than himself and his legacy, and being given the latter is what they've all been convinced will make them happy when it never will.
Nothing will.
It's just so good and so painful, and I'm in love with it all.
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dokoni-mo · 4 years
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Far Away, Together || Darth Vader x Reader
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(A/N: Hello all! This is my first post on tumblr and I am so excited to share my fic with all you lovely people!!! I used to write alot, but haven’t in some time. Since I am renewing my love for star wars, I thought that I would do a little something for my favorite man of all time: Vader!!! A big thanks to Kenna for helping to inspire me to write again (you know who you are :))) ). This is chapter one of a series of about 10 chapters I plan to write. Please enjoy and feel free to ask to be added to the tag list!! also, not my gif)
WARNINGS: mentions of a TIE crash, some cursing
Key: (F/N) = first name  (L/N) = last name
Word Count: ~3600
Edit: Link to Chapter Two: [x]
Life on the Super Star Destroyer was exactly the same as the ship looked on the outside: cold, dull, and gray. Color? What’s that? Life? Never heard of it. 
No one ever really stopped to mingle with one another, even for a brief, courteous “hello!” or “hey, how’s it going?”. These types of action were seen as unnecessary and not impactful to squashing out the rebellion, as well as to eliminating any sign of hope that one day the Empire will just cease to exist, leaving everyone alone. Everything and everyone had a purpose within the Empire. Everyone had their own job, and heaven forbid that you are somehow unable to do that job. Any failure was seen as weakness, and the Empire had no use for weakness amongst its ranks. These were the fundamental truths of working under the Empire.
Being a mechanic wasn’t so bad. You got to do what you loved to do, so what’s so bad about that? Sure, you had very little contact with the outside world (aside from the occasional news briefing or smuggled-in holovid), you had very few acquaintances, and you were always just referred to as last name only, but all of these could be overlooked. You wake up, put on your drab, gray-green uniform, go to work, then go back to your quarters, rinse and repeat every day of every week. A nice little routine for your nice little job on the nice little imperial vessel. 
To say you blended in with the crowd was wrong. Everyone blended in with the crowd, so to say you blended in with the crowd was diagnosing yourself with special-snowflake syndrome. There was no individuality within the Empire. There was only the Empire, the usage of names only a formality or a way to get one’s attention. Despite this, due to human nature, those serving would often try to attempt some sort of individuality. Female officers would have a signature way of pulling back their hair, troopers would talk in different made-up accents, and some even gave themselves tattoos. You, however, found your individuality within your work. 
When fixing something, you would often put  your own spin on how you bring said thing back to its former glory. Fixing a speederbike? Lets rewire the wires so that they make a nice, pretty zig-zag pattern. This will help it steer a bit better, anyway. Fixing a blaster with a faulty trigger? Why not add a new cooling system just to be nice. Fixing a TIE? Oh boy, the possibilities are endless. 
This may be what has allowed you to rise through the ranks so quickly as a mechanic. There was seemingly nothing that you couldn’t inflict your midas touch upon. Plop anything down on your workbench and it's a guarantee that it will be fixed. 
On the other hand, it may just be dumb luck. This is ultimately what you thought. You were just merely doing your job, trying to not cause any trouble for yourself, just like everyone else you worked with. It just so happened to be you that the Empire had noticed. 
It was this attention that landed you this new assignment.The news had come suddenly and almost unexpectedly. Pack your bags, (F/N), you're out of the Endor research station and now on a one-way ticket to the Super Star Destroyer. Of course, there was no one around to pat you on the back when you got the news, and certainly no one to say congratulations. You did that yourself that night by treating yourself to an extra ration. 
If you were anyone else within the Empirical army, you would be over the moon about working on this ship. But, you felt no emotion towards the subject. It was just another job, what’s so special about it?
You quickly learned the answer to that. 
Him. 
He made the entire aura of the ship much tenser than any other research station or star destroyer that you had ever been on. People were not kidding when they said that his entire presence dripped with authority and power. To defy him, was to defy the Empire. To fail him, was to fail the Empire. It also always meant a loss of your life by the point of his saber. 
You remember the first time that you saw him with your own eyes, not just an image from a news briefing or the picture you formed in your head when you heard the stories. You were lined up along with all of your new fellow troopers, officers, and mechanics, your hands firmly by your sides and your chin held up high, your eyes the only part allowed to move. He had been returning from some sort of escapade, and it was time for another customary formal greeting for him.
He was hard to miss when the door to the shuttle had touched the cold, hard ground. Everything about him was massive, intimidating. Dressed head to toe in black, his frame resembling a man but his features that of a droid. Despite the layers upon layers of armor and clothing, you could tell his muscles were nothing to bat an eye at. His shoulderspan looked like it could be twice your own, and his hands look like they could wrap around your waist and crush you in to a million tiny pieces at any second. Hot. 
As he walked past you, you could feel the floor vibrate with menacing trembles as he took each step. His breathing was enrapturing, filling up your ears like it was there to live rent-free. When he finally spoke (a simple “Good, admiral”), you could feel the bass right in the middle of  your chest. His voice was encapsulating, surrounding you with it's deep, authoritative, encompassing demeanor. Even hotter. 
Yes, Darth Vader was quite the interesting character. But, he was not the one, you had decided, to try and become buddy-buddy with. Far too risky. Instead, you would carry on as normal: do your job, and don’t get in anyone’s way. You have done this for years, and a change of scenery with a far more intimidating boss wouldn't change that. 
Except when it did. 
The day (you believed that it was day, at least. It was hard to keep track of time in the middle of space on a giant floating mouse cursor) was as simple as ever. You woke up, ate your breakfast rations, then went straight to work. They had you fixing a few blasters and comms that day. How exciting. 
You almost didn't hear the sound of the sirens when they went off, nor how the room suddenly was flashing red. When you had finally came-to, the sound of a highly distressed officer was over the hangar’s comm system. 
“Everyone clear the bridge now! Lord Vader is coming in hot!”
Coming in hot? You wondered what that had meant. Of course, you knew what that meant, but this was Lord Vader we were talking about. He was the best pilot in the whole Empirical fleet. He never crashed, you had thought. 
Despite your judgement, you put down your tools and started to run along with the other mechanics. They seemed just as confused as you were, awkwardly trying to shuffle out of their stations into somewhere safe. Quietly slipping past the small crowd, you found refuge on the other side of the doorway you were in, finding a place to watch within one of the windows. 
Looking up to the stars that made up the tail-end wall of your workplace, you were almost shocked to see that the officer over the comm wasn’t hallucinating. Lord Vader’s TIE was, indeed, coming in hot. A noticeable plumage of smoke followed in his wake, as well as the occasional burst of sparks and the odd chunk of metal falling off. The noise that TIE made when it passed through the barrier was unholy, making you wince right before you had jumped in your polished boots. Lord Vader’s TIE crashed right on the floor of your workspace, skidding along and spinning not before crashing into several unfinished projects and stopping just before the doorway you had been standing in.  
Oh, maker. He’s dead. 
That was your only thought as the smoke and dust around the TIE settled in the air. The smoke was occasionally illuminated by the sparks coming out of the ship. This was definitely not a pretty scene. That TIE was busted. 
A twinge of some sort of odd emotion rippled through you as you saw the tip of a red stream of light pierced through the metal of the broken TIE. It made a large circle motion before shrinking back inside. Moments later, the circle had been thrown off, flying past the group of mechanics that had begun to shuffle awkwardly back into the hangar to inspect the scene for themselves. You had joined them as the circle was discarded off of the TIE, the wind making a strand of your hair raise. 
He stepped out of the burning pile of metal mess moments later. A small amount of smoke radiated off of his body as his boots collided with the ground. His shoulders were raised, his left fist in a ball as his right held on firmly to his weapon. He offered no one any explanation as he marched his way to the medical bay, an air of contempt and loathing following him. 
They had let you off to lunch early that day. The smoke from the TIE could be toxic, and they needed some time to clear out the hangar before everyone could get back to work. 
You ate your ration in silence as everyone around you murmured their theories and rumors about the incident that had occurred about an hour earlier. There was no need to speculate, in your eyes, and the only people you talked with were out on some other assignment. Silence kept you company, anyhow. 
Your peaceful lunch, however, was eventually rudely interrupted by some rude, old geezer. His uniform adorned many different patches and pins, so you figured he had to be some sort of presiding, know-it-all, experienced officer. The lines in his face only made him look more stern and stuck up than he sounded, his lips pursed as he eyed the datapad he held whilst he stood in front of your lunch table. 
“(L/N), I presume, yes? Our newest mechanic from Endor?” the old man questioned, his dark eyes flicking back and forth between you and your glowing blue picture. 
“Yes, sir. That’s me.” you responded, sitting up to offer some sort of respect to the officer. 
The old man turned off his datapad with that, folding his arms behind his back as he addressed you fully. “Well, Miss (L/N), I do hope that your current assignment holds no sentimental value to you. You are being reassigned with a very important alternative, effective immediately.” 
“Immediately?” you questioned, “I apologize sir, I don’t quite-”
“Your new assignment, Miss (L/N), is to repair Lord Vader’s TIE. I assume you bore witness to his entrance earlier today.” said the old officer, cutting you off. “Lord Vader’s ship is of utmost importance to the Empire, and we only assign our best to repair it when needed. We have already removed your previous assignment from your station and place Lord Vader’s TIE in its place.” 
Before you could get another word out, the officer turned on his heel to leave, only giving you a side glance over his shoulder as he continued, “You should be pleased, Miss (L/N). You just became one of our finest mechanics.” 
~~~
You only saw a heaping pile of garbage that was vaguely shaped like a TIE Advanced x1 at your station when you returned. The ship was mangled beyond repair. Aside from the gaping hole in the center of the fighter, the wings were gnashed beyond recognition, many of the metal plates lining the surface either gone or melted, the wires that snaked along the inside of the craft were now on the outside, and it still hadn’t stopped smoking completely. 
You couldn't hide your expression as you walked around the TIE. Why the hell would you even try and repair this hunk of shit? you thought to yourself, Just get a new TIE, I’m sure the Empire can afford it. 
You contemplated on going back and finding that old man that gave you the assignment and asking him to repeat it back to you. Whoever wanted this thing repaired was a madman at best. Sighing, you reminded yourself of your virtues. Do your job, don’t get in the way. And, this was your new job. 
You had no idea on where to start. 
~~~
It was long past quitting hours when you heard the doors to the hangar open. 
You were perched on top of the broken down TIE, your jacket long since discarded. You were left only in your boots, pants, tanktop, and goggles as you heard heavy footsteps draw closer to your station. 
You paused briefly from your welding to listen to the footsteps for a brief moment. You pondered for a short time on whether or not to address the person walking towards you, but decided against it. You figured that they were just some trooper or other mechanic sneaking out for a midnight walk or snack. Although you were loyal to the Empire, you were no snitch to your fellow troop. You resumed your welding after your judgement had ended. 
You continued to listen, however, and noticed how the footsteps had ended very close to your station. Listening past the sound of your welding, your heart almost jumped out your throat and hitched a ride to the outer-rim when you noticed an all-too-familiar sound. 
That breathing. 
To make sure that your ears were not playing tricks on you, you stopped your welding and peeked over the top of the TIE. Sure enough, there he was, staring up at you without a word, without even moving one muscle. Your blood ran cold. 
“L-Lord Vader!” You called down as you scurried to put down your tools, pushing your goggles up to rest on your sweat-gleamed forehead. You landed on the ground with a thunk as you slid down the TIE, hurriedly walking over to address the Dark Lord properly. 
Standing so close to him forced you to notice the height and size difference between the two of you. He was tall, so tall that you had to almost crane your neck to look him in the eyes of his mask. His frame dwarfed yours in every way, making you feel so, so small and weak compared to him. As the sith looked down at you, you couldn't help but feel his real eyes behind the mask bare into you, almost as if he were looking right into the fiber of your being. You swallowed thickly but silently, forgetting that you were out of uniform in front of the Emperor's right hand. 
“I-I apologize, my Lord, I did not hear you come in over the sound-” 
“Is it not past active hours for your department, mechanic?” He interjected, interrogating you. You felt your cheeks gain a touch of rouge out of embarrassment. You had barely even noticed that it was so late, that almost all of the lights in the hangar had gone dim. 
“Yes, my Lord, it is. But, I had-”
“You need not explain yourself to me, mechanic. I have come here for a report on the damage to my ship. If you will so generously supply me with that, perhaps I will overlook your discrepancies tonight.” He said to you, his head tilting to the side. The eyes of his helmet never left your frame as he spoke to you. His authority made a shiver run down your spine, your breath hitch. He could kill you at any moment's notice, and you both knew that. 
“Yes. Yes, of course, my Lord.” You responded quietly. It was then you finally dared to let your gaze fall off of the menacing, tall figure before you. Turning on your heel, you looked up at the broken down craft before you, pressing a hand against the cool metal. “Well, my Lord, I will not dare lie to you. This fighter is in real bad shape. Her left wing is almost completely non-existent, her guns are unrecognizable, and her central computer has been totally fried. Her engine received a great amount of damage as well, and it looks like all of her spark igniters and thrusters will need to be replaced. This is all, of course, not to mention the damage to her framework.” 
You had circled around the TIE absentmindedly as you spoke, your hand gliding over the jagged surface of the craft. Vader’s gaze followed your diminutive frame as you paced about. You could feel the eyes of his mask follow you with every footstep. Were it not for the continuous babbling on about damages, you would be shitting a brick right about now. 
“And how do you plan to proceed with these repairs, mechanic?” He asked you, a hint of his temper and curiosity poking through. 
“Well,” you retorted, looking at him once more, right in the face, “In order to proceed with anything, I have to get the central computer back online and running. That way, I will be able to talk to her better, and maybe even run a diagnostic for any damages that I haven’t caught yet. After that will be the repairs to the wing, which I will likely have to build from scratch from other scrapped TIEs. Once that is complete, repairs to the frame will begin, then onto the guns and engine. This may change, however, if I am able to run that diagnostic, my lord.” 
The way you held yourself in front of the sith lord was certainly a pleasant surprise. Lord Vader was used to his subordinates making a vain attempt to make the situation sound better to him so that he would be pleased. You, however, did not shy away from cutting to the chase and telling Vader how it was. He felt a twinge of appreciation bubble deep, deep down inside him. He always did value someone who truly knew their way around a ship or two. 
Vader took a glance at the mess of his TIE Advanced then back to you before he spoke again. You had refused to take your eyes off him again. 
“I understand,” he rumbled out, placing his large hands on their respective sides of his belt, “I presume that these repairs will take a small while.” 
His words were spoken as a statement, but you knew he was asking. 
“Yes, Lord Vader,” you said, nodding in affirmation, “They indeed will, but I will do all in my power to have her running again just like new.” You couldn't help but flash a small, quick smile at the end of your positivity. 
Vader stared down at you for a brief moment before speaking again, the sound of his steady breath winding around you once again. 
“Good,” he finally said, “I expect no less from you, mechanic. I will come here again periodically, and I expect a full report of progress for each of my visitations. Do I make myself clear? Do not fail me.” 
“Of course, my Lord. I will do exactly as you wish” you replied, giving him a firm nod as you stood at attention. Quickly, you relaxed your pose, letting your gaze fall once more and your body to turn to resume your work. 
Vader, however, stood completely still. He was not done with you quite yet. 
“Your name.” Vader said flatly, with a hint of demand. 
This sent a jolt through you. You shot your gaze back to the sith, your hand gently clutching one of your tools, applying just enough strength to keep it from falling. 
“P-pardon, my Lord?” 
“Your name, mechanic. I wish to know your name.”
You licked your bottom lip hurriedly. You prayed that he couldn't notice your cheeks tint pink. 
“It's (L/N), my Lord-”
“I know that, Miss (L/N). I wish to know your full name. Do not make me ask again.” 
You almost burst out laughing. He had to be joking. This was the first time in years that someone had asked you for your first name. You were surprised that you even still remembered it. 
“It’s… It’s (F/N), my Lord. (F/N) (L/N).” 
Another pause from him, along with another long staring contest between the two of you. Was his breathing always this loud?
After an eternity, he spoke once more, “I have full faith in you, Miss (F/N) (L/N). It is not everyday I have the privilege to converse with one of your skill level and courage.”
With that, he was done. He stepped to the right, turned, and walked to the door, leaving without another look or word. You stared at the door for a long moment before looking at the floor, replaying the past events in your head, letting his words plague your mind over and over like a broken record. 
Was that a compliment?
No, of course not, you had convinced a majority of  yourself. 
With a sigh, you climbed back up to the top of the broken TIE, seated on your perch again. You adorned your goggles once more, telling yourself just a little more before you retired for the night. 
Little did you know, this was only the first interesting night of many to come. 
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👀couldnt help but notice you talking about hannibal in your billy loomis imagine 👀 also couldnt help but to notice thats in your fandom list 👀 maybe you should shoot your shot with an imagine with hanni 👀
So over on my Naruto blog I did a little fluff piece called Morning Coffee that everyone seemed to enjoy so I thought I'd bring it here. It’s a simple concept, it follows your morning to the start of your cup to the end of it. Hope you enjoy! --- ☕ Morning Coffee ☕
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written in the mind-frame of a Female!Reader but there are no pronouns mentioned nor gender specific anatomical body parts.  Warnings: None, flirting with the idea of smut but no actual smut. Sexual longing maybe? Word Count: 1,155
--- Hannibal Lecter
   Having coffee with a friend shouldn't have been this stressful, being this stressed in the morning couldn't be good for you but it wasn't like you could help it. How are you supposed to dress for morning coffee with a man who practically lives in three piece suits? Formal? Business casual? Casual casual? Your clothing covered floor seemed to bare no answers as you stared at what you swore was everything you owned...had everything always been this ugly? God! Why did you even propose a breakfast together? Hannibal does dinner but no you had to pitch breakfast to be different and try to impress him, yeah you're sure he'd be impressed by the amount of clothing on the floor. If you'd been like everyone else and just gone for dinner you'd have more time to try on clothes but a look at the clock told you that you had to leave now or you'd be late and that'd be terrible, that'd be rude and Hannibal can't stand people who're rude. However messy your floor was it was worth it for the compliment you got when Hannibal opened his door to greet you. “I don't see you in colour often, red looks lovely on you.”     Well, guess you're wearing red for the rest of your life.     "Oh thank you.” Finds it's way out of your throat as your face is painted the colour that apparently looks lovely on you.     “Please, come in.” He welcomes stepping to the side to allow room.    You never gave much thought to what a foyer could be, yours is technically where you just kick off your shoes and put your keys but this, this was proper foyer. Just the entrance to his house was nice. God it was big too, he could probably rent it out to a poor college kid for like 500 bucks if he wanted not that he looked like he needed the extra money. Did you even know how to say Foyer properly? You bet Hannibal did, without a doubt he knew all those fancy French words--was that word even French? Oh no, what if you were stupid and it wasn't French? What if this wasn't even a foyer? How dumb were you? H-- hands came up to your shoulders jolting you out of your spiral. Hannibal gently pulls the edges of your jacket and you immediately understand. “Thank you.” You repeat once again.    He smiles with a nod as he slides your jacket off of you with your help and hangs it up on a beautiful wood stand you're sure costs more than half your rent. Thinking about how much money was within these walls could make your head spin but that spinning is halted by the soothing tones of his voice. “Lost in thought?” He inquired.    “Uh, just early morning brain fog you know?” You try to bluff.    It's not convincing but he nods anyway. “Perhaps some coffee would help.”     “Sounds good.” You agree.    Following him through his house only furthers your awe, you could spent a lifetime in here just looking at stuff. “I thought it'd be pleasant to make breakfast together instead of having it ready, eating together is one experience but preparing a meal is another entirely.” He explained    The idea of sharing an experience with Hannibal was one that filled you with butterflies, the more you thought about it you didn't think you'd heard of Hannibal cooking with anyone else, maybe the stress of this morning would pay off after all. “I'm not a chef but I'll do my best, what're we making?”     “Uova al purgatorio.” Which leads to a bit of a blank stare on your end, as pretty as it sounds you've got no idea what that means. “It's an Italian dish, eggs in Purgatory.” He explained.    “Sounds interesting.” You quip.    “It is, the name comes from the eggs sitting in a tomato base, the white of the eggs floating within the red sauce giving the illusion of souls trapped within the unknown of Purgatory.” He explains as he prepares the boiling water for your coffee. “Even at breakfast it seems we wonder where our souls go to lay.”     “Well makes sense for Italy home of the Pope, I'm sure there's religious overtones at most meals.”    He smiles a little and nods. “During my time in Italy it truly does surround you, it's an interesting feeling, almost euphoric to be encapsulated by it at every
turn.” He remarked.    “Wow, you spent time in Italy? It looks beautiful there.” You say, trying to stray a little further from the religious aspect, you don't exactly know where Hannibal falls on that spectrum and the last thing you want to do is come across rude or disrespectful to him. “Coffee smells great.” You add as he pours the boiling water into his very fancy looking French Press.    Your attempt to change subjects doesn't go unnoticed at all but he once again nods as he looks at you. “Yes, I traveled quite a bit in my youth, I called Italy my home for some time.” He explains.     “Do you ever miss it?” You ask    “I take with me what I relish in the places I've been, while I may no longer be surrounded by the Primavera or the walls of Santa Maria della Concezione dei Cappuccini they are ever present in my mind, reproduced with the utmost detail.” You could listen to Hannibal talk all day, it wouldn't matter what he said you just like the way he said things, the timbre of his voice. “Have you ever given thought to travelling?” He prodded.    “Course, who doesn't think about travelling? See far off places, experience new people, new things, different cultures.” You reminisce.    “What stops you?”     You shrug a little. “Funds mainly but I'd want to take the time to learn the language of where I'm going, understand the culture so I don't offend anyone. I don't want to be one of those tourists that makes an ass out of themselves.” You said cringing at the end.    “It's considerate to take the time to understand a culture you will not live in, many go on whims like they're visiting amusement parks.” He agreed. “Would Italy be a place you'd like to visit or would you find their taste for religion leaving a sour taste in your mouth?” He asked.    Did you really think you'd get out of a question Hannibal wanted answered? You shrugged a little once again trying to make sure you phrase things that wouldn't step on toes that were in shoes that likely cost more than your rent. “I'm unsure...I don't know if my broader and more open views would be welcome in the narrower scope of such a religious place and I wouldn't want to impose myself or my views upon anyone.” You slowly clamber out as he pours two cups of what smells like incredibly coffee. “Thank you.” You quickly add as you take it from his hands.    “While I do know you enough to welcome you into my home, I'm not sure if I know you well enough to know of the open views you believe would be scrutinized under the gaze of the Church. Do you speak a broader view of all religions? Racial rights? Sexual appetite?”     You stomach almost leaps into your throat at the last question, talking sexual appetites with someone who could feed that said appetite for the rest of your life? How were you supposed to talk about that? You didn't want to impose but you certainly didn't want to miss any chance of feeding that appetite. “All of the above, you know?” You pitch at first. “I'm a big believer in religious freedoms for everyone, from anywhere--just freedom for everyone in general.” You tackle first, that's the more important one and the one that won't get you into any trouble. “And um--yeah I suppose my sexual appetite wouldn't please the Church.” You say with a small laugh breaking your gaze from Hannibal and down at your coffee cup. “Not exactly a born again virgin.” Smooth. Great job. Wow. Fuck. Maybe you could drown yourself in this coffee? You take a sip and to spite being too shy to ask for sugar or milk this coffee is great, actually smooth. Unlike you. “This is great, what is this?” You try.    Why do you try? He always notices, you're luckier than you know that it endlessly amuses him rather than annoys him. “It's Peaberry Coffee from Tanzania, it's a rounder sweeter bean, almost tea like.” He explains, allowing for a moment for you to believe you've somehow fooled him into letting his prior question go thoroughly unanswered. “It can take a more refined palette to taste all the notes.” He remarks.    “I don't know how refined mine is, I just know it's nice.”
You admit with a small laugh.    “Usually our tongues know more than we think, close your eyes and allow the flavours to dance over your tongue.” He instructed.    Hannibal could tell you to jump off a cliff and if he said it nice enough you probably would. You take a small breath and take another sip and try your damnest to impress Hannibal if only even a little but as you swallow you know your guesses are little more than shots in the dark. “It's sweet...kind of like a berry...?” You weakly pitch.    You're not wrong but Hannibal can tell your guess isn't confident. “Do you know you have a habit of coming in on yourself when you're unsure of what you're saying?” He asks letting you know he's been on to you for much longer than you would have hoped. He comes around from his large kitchen island to stand in front of you and you fight the urge to step back and away which only adds to how hard your heart beats in your chest. “Coming in on ones self allows negative neurons to fire, by simply lifting your head you'll allude more confidence and though red looks lovely on you so does that.” That compliment alone made your head spin so his next action of bringing his warm hand up to gently lift your head? Your entire body felt weak. It was laughable that the simple touch of his thumb resting on your chin and his forefinger below it could have such an effect on you, looking up at him him with unsure eyes as to where this went next was laughable to him. You were putty in his hands, vulnerable in every meaning of the word. "Try again, close your eyes and when you take a sip allow it to work around your mouth, to explore every inch of your tongue.”    Was this porn? This could be porn, this might as well be porn as far as your body was concerned apparently. It took you a moment to actually get your limbs to move and grab your coffee again and it felt good to close your eyes, you liked Hannibal but being so close and having him stare back at you was overwhelming. And he knew it, there was something very satisfying about your kind of vulnerability, it was raw and open for him to touch and mold with his hands. You brought the cup to your lips and took another sip and once again tried to find a defined note in this coffee and maybe it was having your head tilted up, maybe it was having him so close but an answer did come from your mouth. “Cedar?”    Opening your eyes you knew you'd gotten it right by the contented look you were rewarded with. "I had a hunch your tongue knew more than you were letting on.” He teased.    He let his thumb trail back and forth on your chin before moving it away and your head felt like it was floating. “What does your tongue taste? I'm sure it's much more experienced than mine.”     You're sure if you didn't feel so floaty such a blatantly flirty question wouldn't have come out of you but it seemed to fly just fine as a small amused breath made it's way out of him. “Your assumption would be correct.” He let you know. “The notes in this coffee I've become very acquainted with over the years so it wouldn't be much of an exercise in taste for me to tell you them all. Perhaps another breakfast we could expand upon both our tongues.” Your entire body clenched and you had to practically drown out your whine of want by taking a sip of your coffee. “For now we'll be expanding on yours, come, wash up I'll show you how to make uova al purgatorio, a taste from my past.” He said walking back around the kitchen island.    You follow him around the island and with one last sip put your empty coffee cup into the sink. --- ~Admin Coral 🍒 Buy Me A Coffee?
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technomaestro · 3 years
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Top 5 Video Game Soundtracks
Ok. Let's try this *again*. I had a whole thing written up and I accidentally refreshed the page, so tumblr ate the entire thing, and I lost it.
Destiny 2 There's a reason D2 is one of my all time favorite games, and the music for it is one of those reasons. Destiny 2's sweeping orchestral soundtrack is full of songs that encapsulate that grand, epic nature of the world and conflict you find yourself in as the Guardian. From the mission tracks like 1AU/Forge Ahead , Valkyrie, and Guns Blazin which provide this cinematic backdrop as you fight for your victories, to the epic swelling of the raid bosses where the tension in their first phases is replaced with triumphant moments where the tide turns as seen in Riven of a Thousand Voices or Insurrection Prime (even the most hated boss in Destiny has a pretty baller theme with tons of brass in it as you get ready to put him in his grave one last time after fighting him multiple times throughout the raid). Locations such as the Dreaming City have tracks that manage to encapsulate the mystery and history behind each location. No matter my feelings and critiques on the gameplay or the story, the music in Destiny 2 is just an absolute gift of musical genius. Michael Salvatori (yes, that same Michael Salvatori from Halo) is one of my favorite composers for the work he's put into that series. Favorite track: Journey ft. Kronos Quartet. This is the song that plays after the deafening silence that comes from escaping the city during the initial Red War campaign, where you montage your way through an unforgiving wilderness, powerless, as the city fades into the distance behind you. You've been beaten, your home taken from you, but the music swells with hope as you follow a sign from the Traveler - and you know you'll return to reclaim your city. I highly recommend taking a peek at the mission, as you can't play it anymore, to see what I mean as to how the track absolutely enhances the experience.
Hades Supergiant games - the people behind Bastion and Transistor, two other games with amazing soundtracks - really did knock it out of the park with Hades. This game's soundtrack is a wonderful blend of classic acoustic instruments (Check it out - it's called a Bağlama) mixed with metal and electronica to create a theme that evokes not only the aesthetics of the region, but also give it a modern twist that meshes with the dark, haunting vibes of the underworld that you reside in. Each track flows so well from one into the next, mixing perfectly with each area or character you encounter. And the two musical characters you encounter - Orpheus and Eurydice - add in plenty of musical flair to the game themselves. The motifs present in the songs are called back frequently to make it a coherent, consistent soundtrack, and it remixes so incredibly well. Favorite Track: God of the Dead - the theme for the final boss of each run, this track is incredible. Not only does it reflect the theme of Zagreus in a different key, showing the link between Hades and his son, before delving into this heavy, frantic track that perfectly encapsulates having to fight
Payday 2 There are exactly two ways to play Payday 2. The first is stealth - you won't have much in the way of music as you silently slip by cops, cameras, and civilians to reach your score. The other is the way I play, where you suit up in the heaviest body armor you can get, grab two automatic shotguns, and go to town to some of the best soundtracks in the game. Payday 2 has a unique musical cue system with it's audio during loud heists, where it amps up the tracks in time with what the cops are doing. At first, before you've been detected, you have the Stealth track which is always low and very basic to not intrude. In low points, like when you first go loud and the first responders arrive on the scene, you're in a Control track. Then, as the police gear up, it switches to a higher temp Anticipation Track, and then when the police storm your position, the Assault track. So each "song" in Payday 2 is actually 4 songs in one, that the game blends seamlessly together in order to match the audio with the gameplay. It's an incredibly clever system that keeps you immersed in the tension of the heist even as Bain, your mastermind, calls out over comms with instructions. And it helps that almost all of the tracks are exceptional bangers in their own right, with amped up electronica with great percussion and bass lines alongside rebellious hard hitting metal and rock. But during those assault tracks, there's something satisfying about hearing the build, reloading your guns, then timing you leaving cover to unleash fury with the bass drop. There's a great playlist here with links to the different types of tracks if you want to take a peek yourself. Favorite Track: I Will Give You My All - one of the few tracks with built in vocals. This particular track feels like the exact kind of music I'd see in a movie, and with the build I run in game for Loud stuff at the moment which incentivizes me running face first at bulldozers and cloakers, giving it my all is *exactly* what I intend to do in that game.
Horizon Zero Dawn HZD's soundtrack is full of the same sort of sweeping orchestral stuff that made me love Destiny 2, with tracks that serve to accentuate the world around you. The only reason it's down here at 4 and not higher is because there's a somewhat lack of variety; as a singleplayer story game, most of the music you encounter tends to be in cutscenes, rather than during gameplay. That isn't a *bad* thing however, and over the hundreds, if not thousands of games I've played, reaching #4 on the list is no small feat. The actual orchestral bits pair so well with being able to cultivate this theme of a world full of grandeur, the kind of which you'd see in nature documentaries. The various tracks illicit this feeling of a long forgotten hope, which if you know anything about the plot, ties in perfectly. The music that *does* play outside of the incredible cutscenes add to the world's aesthetic so well, pairing the sort of instruments you'd find people playing in the civilizations you encounter with the environments you find them in. Even the battle music, when there is battle music, is a tense affair; the game incentivizes you to stalk your prey, as Aloy is not a frontline fighter: she's a hunter among predators, and the music matches that tone. Favorite Track: A tie between Aloy's Journey, which provides not only natural sounds mixed with the instruments of the Nora and the underpinning of techno that permeates the story (in addition to one of my favorite musical things where you have these grand sweeping vocals that aren't actually lyrics) and Your Hand of Sun And Jewels, which gives off this sort of air of walking through city streets in golden sunlight, where people dance just a block away and you can smell the fragrant spices of the local cuisine. It makes me yearn and if I listen to it on full blast I can forget that I'm stuck at home for a moment.
Pokemon Heart Gold & Soul Silver Pokemon OSTs hold a special place in my heart because as much as I loved games as a kid, getting started on things like Mappy for the NES (which, now that I write that, really shows how fuckin *old* I am), Pokemon was one of the first things that I basically turned into my personality as a child. Silver version especially was one of the ones that *truly* got me going, as in Blue version I always felt one step behind my brother but Silver was *my* game, my generation. I have extremely fond memories of that game, from the Lake of Rage to trying to beat a ghost gym with a Sentret and it taking four hours because normal types and ghost types are just... immune to each other. But when Soul Silver came out and remastered the soundtrack, it brought back this wave of nostalgia. The bit tunes I remember had been brought to life, in a way that was recognizably Pokemon. Hearing it again brought back the waves of wanting to journey and be a hero again that when the game came out, I was sorely missing. The music in the game is upbeat and chipper, befitting a near solarpunk world that I want to live in. Iconic tracks remain iconic but with a bit of cultural flair, showing that the Johto region hasn't lost touch with it's roots. While it isn't the almighty trumpeting of Gen 3, the nostalgic tracks that are already evocative of nostalgia brings a yearning back for a time when things were simpler and I could just play games. Also, the Rival theme is *rocking*. Favorite Track: Route 26 Theme. Route 26 is also known as Tohjo Falls, the place which connects Johto and Kanto together. And for me, this route represents having reached a triumph and the energy to explore what's next. It's a critique directly against the Hero's Journey's unfortunate end, that they can never go home - the hero here *can* go home, but they choose to set out again for new sights. It's full of the fact that when it plays, you're taking your steps into something new, something bold, and full of new challenges that await you. It is, by far, one of my favorite tracks and the orchestral version brings me to tears.
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F/M Pairing: Y/N x Lee Minho
Genre: Married Life AU, Romance
Warnings: Smut and Language
Word Count: 11K
Summary: Despite her reputation, Y/N is considered one of the very best agents in the music industry. Of course, it doesn’t help that she married one of her clients---notoriously stubborn and arrogant Lee Minho AKA the extremely talented Lee Know whose silky voice and amazing choreographies appeal to an enormous fan-base. A pop singer who prefers to work alone, Y/N usually obliges Minho’s preferences...until her boss demands that he collaborate with the up-and-coming and multi-talented trio, 3racha.
Well, nobody ever said that married life is easy.
For: @hwngjn​
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There’s a certain decorum involved with the management of arrogant pop singers who think the entire world revolves around their singular existence. In my experience, if you want to tame these wild inclinations, then it’s best to do one of the three things: 1) leave the company ASAP with a two-week notice and a heartfelt plea for a good recommendation, 2) tolerate the existence of this pop singer and hope that he matures with age, or 3) marry this pop singer because you fell in love without understanding the fraternization clause of your contract. 
Allow me to elaborate: options one and two will leave you with enough room to continue rising through the ranks without much conflict with upper management. You see, I have firsthand knowledge because I lived through the ensuing outcomes, leaving my first job at the tender age of 23 with very little knowledge and then arduously suffering at my next position with a female artist who insisted on testing my patience. But then again, if you choose to skip options one and two and pursue option three, then you better learn to live with the consequences because it will bring the most long-term effects.
Let me start from here because, for the most part, the consequences for me were fairly minimal. The record company was, of course, incensed when they found out about my unauthorized affair. Unfortunately, Minho liked to brag about the things he cherished, and he made no secret of our relationship outside of the company. I knew it was only a matter of time before the issue was brought to the attention of Mr. Park, the company’s CEO and head producer. 
I can still remember sitting in his big office, ignoring the lingering smell of smoke, while Mr. Park shoved my management contract in my face. “What the hell is wrong with you?” he asked, to which I had no response other than my weakness for Minho’s cunning smile. “You’re done here,” he announced and my heart broke in my chest. 
Fortunately, before I could finish packing my belongings on the same afternoon, Minho had appeared at my desk with a very unhappy Mr. Park trailing behind him with an intense scowl. “Tell her,” Minho growled.
“Y/N,” he sighed. “You’ve been reinstated. Mr. Lee made a convincing argument on your behalf. Apparently, he can’t possibly work here and renew his contract without you as his manager.”
I remember glaring at Minho for his intervention, since our impromptu marriage was entirely his fault. “Thank you, sir.”
Thereafter, I was determined to do the best job I could as famed singer Lee Know’s manager, even if it meant facing scrutiny from jealous fans or bowing my head when I faced another agent in the hallways. I suppose I could deal with their scrutiny because it was better than the alternative of finding myself lounging away in Minho’s expensive condo unemployed and ruined because of my reputation. Even so, I was walking on thin glass everyday, and Minho continued to make things hard by insisting that he didn’t need to follow the rules, especially since he insisted on some one-sided feud with Mr. Park. 
For example, today Minho was scheduled for an interview with a very distinguished magazine, but my husband had decided to prioritize his never ceasing libido over regular responsibilities. “Hold still,” Minho said, smirking against the side of my neck while his hands made quick work of my skirt and panties, shoving them harshly down my legs to make room for his greedy touches. Inhibited access to the heat between my legs, presented to him in just the way he liked, meant that his fingers were currently teasing the swollen folds of my labia while I fell apart at the seams. 
I could tell that Minho wanted to take his time, but one glance at my wristwatch told me that we weren’t allowed such liberties today. “No, sir,” I said, reaching behind me to scratch my nails along his forearm. “You have an interview in ten minutes!”
“Relax,” he said, kissing delicately down the individual knobs of my spine. “I missed you today.”
“How romantic,” I deadpanned. “Can you hurry before the agency sends someone to look for us?”
As I said before, Minho was never the type to follow clear instructions, and he didn’t like the fact that his agency was rather strict when it came to scheduling. He liked to spite the men upstairs whenever an opportunity arose, such as prolonging needless foreplay when I was already dripping down my thighs because of his ministrations. I reached behind me for his belt, attempting to undo the zipper and release the erection straining the material.
“What’s your hurry, sweetheart?” he purred, knocking away my hand. 
“My job as your manager,” I returned, fervently trying to hasten our unexpected intimacy. 
“Well, as your favorite client, I suggest you bend over for me so I can fuck this little pussy.”
His words went straight to the tight coil offering no resistance the longer Minho continued to speak dirty words into my ears. “Did you lock the door?”
“Why? Are you expecting someone?”
I frowned, ready to offer a snarky retort before the words were wiped clean from my head when I felt the tip of his cock sink into my awaiting heat. “What was that, sweetheart?” he asked and I moaned loudly because he was suddenly intense with his movements, leaving no room to gather my bearings before he was fucking at a harsh pace.
Actually, in hindsight, I should’ve seen this coming when I met Minho in my office for the very first time. He walked in wearing a loose-fitting tank top and tight skinny jeans like he was attending a fraternity party instead of a company meeting. Minho’s steps were completely assured, sunglasses framing his face perfectly and standing out against the smooth tone of his skin. “Y/N?” he asked with a smirk.
“Miss Y/L/N,” I said with a roll of my eyes. “The agency assigned you to my care.”
“Really?” Minho asked, cocksure and smiling bright as he made himself comfortable on my futon without permission. “Miss, you say?”
“We go by professional titles, Mr. Lee,” I said, glaring at him from behind my computer screen. 
“Sure,” he dismissed, reaching for the flower vase on my coffee table. “How does this work exactly? You do whatever I ask, right?”
“Put the vase down and pay attention.”
Minho’s smile vanished at my tone. “What did you say?”
“Mr. Lee, the agency forewarned me about your...behavior. I must assure you that it won’t be tolerated because my job is to make sure that you do everything outlined in your contract. I’m sure you didn’t bother taking the time to read it, but there are certain things the company expects of you other than posting to your Twitter at 3:00 AM in the morning.”
I took a deep breath, satisfied that he appeared to be listening. “For example, the company expects your first album release this October. It’s my job to make sure you attend all recording sessions. Furthermore, promotions will be anticipated leading to the album’s delivery to applicable streaming platforms. That means interviews, photoshoots, award shows, and radio performances. Please understand that I’m one of the very best this agency has to offer, which means my clients demonstrate respect and high aptitude for their work and how it reflects on the company. From the moment you first stepped through that door, I knew that you lacked both of those capabilities.”
I stood up from my desk, walking around to the front to regard the man who suddenly found it difficult to look at me. “Here’s a warning, Mr. Lee. If you fail to adhere to my standards, then I won’t hesitate to ask the company to find you a new manager, understand?”
Minho scoffed, snatching his sunglasses away before nodding his head. “Fine.”
Satisfied, I reached behind me for the manila folder I prepared for his arrival. “Now, let’s review your schedule.”
Of course, that was two years ago and despite the whirlwind of mischievousness that encapsulated Minho, including several scandals, an endless barrage of paparazzi, and several intense arguments with upper management, I wouldn’t trade our relationship for anything else in the world. You see, I never counted on falling in love with an idol singer, but he managed to charm his way into my good graces with an irresistible smile and warm personality masked beneath his arrogant facade of indifference. He always brought a smile to my face, even in the midst of an intense orgasm bent over my desk as his cock hit deep inside. 
He fingers wrapped around my wrist, dragging my watch into his line of vision. “Two minutes, Y/N.”
I groaned in complaint, wondering how someone who graduated college with a flawless 4.0 GPA continuously broke company rules on a daily basis.
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The following morning, I found myself crushed between several executives for an undisclosed company meeting. “Everyone!” Mr. Park announced. “I have exciting news for this year’s Christmas theme.”
A chorus of groans greeted his words. “Sir, I thought we were leaving the decision for the talent?” another agent spoke up.
“Yes, but I think this will work better for our core demographics,” Mr. Park said. “Y/N!”
I sat up straighter, attempting to look more alert than I felt inside. Unfortunately, Minho had kept me up all night in the small recording studio he built in our shared condo, asking me for continuous feedback on his latest project. “Sir?”
“Mr. Lee gave us a very interesting demo last week for a recent project.”
“Oh?”
“I’d like to make it a collaboration effort with our talent,” Mr. Park said and my heart seized in my chest because I knew firsthand just how much Minho despised working with other people. “3racha have landed their first platinum album. We need to capitalize on their success!”
“You want a collaboration between 3racha and Minho?” I asked, swallowing hard at the idea of telling my husband. 
“Exactly,” Mr. Park said with a smile. “For the music video, I was thinking we could also invite Hwang Hyunjin and Lee Felix to choreograph something for the project.”
“How...exciting?” I offered, cringing at my tone. Thankfully, Mr. Park was already addressing 3racha’s manager while I stared at my empty coffee mug and wondering if I would need more caffeine to survive.
Afterwards, Mr. Park adjourned our meeting and I returned to my office to find Minho waiting for me perched on the edge of my desk. “Sweetheart,” he greeted me, pulling me in by my waist to press a welcoming kiss to my pout. “You seem worried?”
I leaned back enough to meet his gaze. “You better promise me that you won’t get upset and scream.”
Minho rolled his eyes. “When have I ever done that?”
A million scenarios filtered through my mind before I decided to leave those memories in the past. “I just finished a company meeting.”
“Oh yeah?” he nodded, playing with the necklace resting against my collarbone. “What happened?”
I took a deep breath, searching for the right words. “Mr. Park had an... interesting suggestion.”
Minho glanced up and narrowed his eyes. “This doesn’t sound good.”
“He wants a collaboration,” I said, deciding to go for the killing blow before I could lose any more of my fading confidence. “The new demo you played for the company. He wants you to work with 3racha.”
Minho was quiet for a moment before he chuckled. “Really? Well, I don’t think so, sweetheart. You know how I feel about those things.”
I released an unsteady exhale. “It might be an opportunity?”
He shook his head. “You just march your cute little ass back into Park’s office and tell him I’m not interested.”
I groaned, pulling out of Minho’s arms to walk around my desk. “I have no power to tell Mr. Park anything.”
“Why not? You’re my manager!”
“Yeah, but he’s the head producer and owner,” I remarked, offering him an unimpressed look as I sat down to unlock my computer. “Besides, I think it’s a cool idea for the fans.”
Minho frowned. “Fuck, if I’m collaborating with anyone, then it’s gonna be Sam Smith or Post Malone.”
“As likely as that sounds,” I started with a dramatic sigh, “I think you should start small and work your way to the top.”
“But 3racha?” Minho grimaced. “Those fucking guys think they’re the absolute shit around here.”
“That sounds familiar.”
“Not funny,” Minho grumbled. “It’s my demo. I should be able to choose who I work with.”
“I think you’ve forgotten the fine print in your contract,” I said, reaching across the desk to offer his hand a gentle squeeze. “Please don’t make a big deal out of this. Can’t you make an exception...for me?”
Minho sighed, and I offered my absolute best pout in return.
“You’re lucky that I love you.”
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Later that afternoon, I was surprised to meet Mr. Kim in the elevator on my way to the lobby. It was heavily rumored around the office that 3racha’s manager was notorious for locking himself away in the studio with his favorite clients. “Y/N,” he greeted me. “Are you busy?”
“Not really,” I said, holding up a folder. “I was bringing some files to Mr. Park.”
“Leave them with his secretary,” Mr. Kim insisted. “I thought it might be a good idea for you to meet my clients since we’ll be working together.”
“Minho is busy with an interview right now.”
“Oh, that’s fine,” Mr Kim said. “Maybe it’s better if you talk to them first?”
I considered his offer, noting the disheveled appearance of his suit. “How long have you been trying to find me?”
“Does right now work for you?” he continued, pointedly ignoring my question.
“If you must insist,” I grumbled. “But they’ll have to meet at some point.”
“Yes, but I think we can delay the inevitable,” Mr. Kim said with a pointed look which I knew was directed at my husband.
“Fine.”
My easy agreement was met with a satisfied smirk to which I resisted the urge to remind Mr. Kim that I was only meeting his clients to make things easier for everyone involved in the collaboration. Of course, I had no room to talk down to my superiors and Mr. Kim’s credentials were practically golden compared to the minimal mark I had left on the company and its prolific talent. Instead, I let out a shaky exhale, wondering if it was too late to reconsider the fight I endured on a regular basis to keep my position with the company.
“Here we are,” Mr. Kim grinned. The elevator stopped on the top floor with a resounding alarm. “I think you’ll find my clients to be satisfactory.”
“In comparison to Minho, you mean?” I asked, narrowing my eyes as Mr. Kim urged me to follow him down a narrow hallway. I vaguely recognized our destination, but I usually never lingered around the studios.
“Did I say that?”
“It was implied,” I sighed, crossing my arms.
“Well, that wasn’t my intention, Y/N. You, of course, understand that nothing between us is personal?”
“We’re colleagues, Mr. Kim,” I replied. “That defines our relationship.”
“In that case...” he trailed off, pausing outside one of the doors. “I’m excited to work together.”
I rolled my eyes when he turned his back, but held my tongue as he reached for my hand to drag me inside the room. Immediately, my eyes were drawn to the plethora of monitors and screens dragging the walls of the entertainment studio. It reminded me of my early time as an intern during college, overwhelmed by the inner workings of the record company I was privileged to support, learning everything about the business. There was also a time, however briefly, when I first entered my current company as nothing more than an executive assistant for Mr. Kim who enjoyed reminding me of the fact, especially when his clients continued to eclipse mine in popularity. And that included the three men who offered us polite smiles when we interrupted their session. 
“Y/N,” Mr. Kim said, dragging me further into the room. “I thought it might be nice to formally offer introductions. I’d like you to meet Bang Chan, Han Jisung, and Seo Changbin.”
“I’m very excited,” I said, taking on a professional tone as I extended my hand to Chan. “My client is looking forward to your future collaboration.”
Chan accepted my outstretched hand, curling his fingers around mine. “Likewise.”
I withdrew my hand slowly, offering Jisung and Changbin a courteous nod. “Mr. Kim insisted that we meet today.”
“Yes,” Chan nodded. “But your client is noticeably absent.”
I swallowed hard as I met his gaze. “Minho is busy with an interview.”
“I see,” Chan remarked, taking a step back. “Well, 3racha is working until this evening. Perhaps Minho could join us here after his meeting.”
I turned around to look at Mr. Kim who only shrugged in response as if it hadn’t been his idea to keep Minho as far away as possible until necessary. I rolled my shoulders, schooling my expression as I gave Chan an airy laugh. “That only makes sense, doesn’t it? Let me send him a message.”
“In the meantime,” Changbin sighed from behind us. “We can continue with the recording.”
“Keep us updated, Y/N,” Chan said, returning to his work while I started on drafting a message for Minho.
To Minho: Tell me when your interview ends
“Y/N,” Mr. Kim cleared his throat. “I hope Minho’s schedule is cleared for tomorrow?
I raised one eyebrow in question. “Tomorrow?”
“We’d like to start the first recording session,” Chan replied. “Mr. Park played us some of Minho’s demo and we have some ideas for the track.”
“Oh,” I responded, completely out of my element when it came to the actual creation of music despite the many nights I spent with Minho in our home studio. “I’m sure we can make it work.”
“Perfect,” Mr. Kim declared, pulling out his cellphone with a grin. “I’ll make the arrangements on my end.”
Mr. Kim stepped out into the hallway, leaving me alone with his clients who were all watching me with barely concealed curiosity. “You know,” Chan started, “I’ve listened to Minho’s albums. He doesn’t seem like the type of person to write love songs.”
“He likes to experiment,” I said, blushing when I recalled the way he had intimately explained the meaning behind his new demo, but there was no way I was telling anyone that the song was about me. 
“Is he...open to criticism?” Jisung asked hesitantly.
“Why? Is there something wrong with the demo?”
“Of course not!” Jisung immediately corrected. “I just thought I’d ask because we have some cool suggestions to improve the overall quality. But I don’t know if Minho would listen.”
It was highly unlikely. “I’m sure he’s open for improvement,” I lied, wincing when I felt my phone vibrate from inside my pocket.
Minho: Call me.
“One second, gentlemen,” I said, cringing at my tone before escaping into the hallway. I held up my cell phone reluctantly, tapping on Minho’s contact name to place the call. He answered almost immediately. “Minho?”
“Sweetheart,” came his voice from the other end. “I’ve been looking for you.”
“Yeah,” I said with a heavy exhale. “I’m with 3racha.”
He was silent on the other end for an uncomfortable duration. “Why?”
“Mr. Kim caught me on the way to Mr. Park’s office,” I said. “He insisted we meet.”
“Really? Are you having fun?”
I inwardly groaned at Minho’s tone, recognizing it as the same one he reserved when he was feeling particularly annoyed. “They want to meet you too.”
I was met with another long silence and then- “I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
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I paced outside the studio entrance, wondering if Minho had suddenly had a change of heart in the brief amount of time he had been notified of the collaboration project. After all, everything would be a lot easier if my husband wasn’t so stubborn, a perfectionist in every sense of the word who had trouble delegating work to other people, especially when he didn’t trust them. But for this to be successful, Minho would need to respect 3racha as capable artists who knew what they were doing when it came to creating hit singles.
“This feels more like an intervention,” Minho suddenly announced, trudging down the hallway and pulling me out of my foreboding thoughts.
“Then don’t give me a reason to be nervous,” I said, accepting his brief kiss before reaching out for the door handle. “Promise me you’ll behave?”
“I’ll try,” Minho grumbled, and that was the only confirmation I received before letting the literal beast into the jungle..
Chan was the first to realize Minho’s arrival, standing up from the couch to greet Minho with a professional smile. “It’s nice to meet you.”
Minho glared at Chan’s outstretched hand. “I’m not thrilled about this collaboration.”
I shook my head, resisting the urge to grab Minho’s hand and force him to feign politeness for once in his life. “Oh,” Chan said, retracting his arm. “I just thought we should get along since we’re working together.”
“A temporary arrangement,” Minho said, clicking his tongue as he turned around to look at me. “Y/N can handle the PR stuff.”
“That’s what I’m here for,” I quipped, trying to lighten the air even though Minho had more or less successfully generated enough tension to last a lifetime. 
“Mr. Lee, my clients were hoping to schedule a session tomorrow,” Mr. Kim said. “We’d like to start on the collaboration as soon as possible.”
“Sure,” Minho said, jaw clenching to betray that he wasn’t entirely happy. “I’d like to work quickly.”
A long, insufferable silence ensued while Minho took his time studying the three artists he was expected to share his newest creation. Finally, Mr. Kim interrupted the never-ending staring contest, flashing a forced smile. “Bring the demo with you, Mr. Lee, and anything else you’ve been working on.”
Minho nodded. “I’ve already finished most of the song.” I took a deep breath, waiting until Minho turned around to look at me. “I have something to do, so I’ll see you at home.”
I bowed my head, holding my tongue until the sound of the door closing broke whatever spell Minho had cast over our sullen group. “Pleasant isn’t he?” Changbin snorted.
“He’s just busy,” I tried to excuse, but the sentiment fell short and I suddenly had the desire to run down the hall with my arms flailing above my head.
I guess we can consider day one a complete and total failure.
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Despite the awkward tension of Minho’s first meeting with 3racha, I was determined that the remainder of the collaboration would endure no further obstacles. Accordingly, I woke up early the next morning with every intention of playing the part of the mediator, which meant doing everything possible to improve Minho’s mood. For example, my husband was notorious for being intimidating at work, but he was nothing short of soft at home and I took advantage of his early-morning clinginess by surprising him with breakfast in bed and open arms without worrying about rushing through our usual routine. 
“You want something,” Minho said, one arm pulling me close to his chest while his other hand made busy work of his breakfast.
“What makes you say that?” I asked.
“In general? Maybe it’s the fact that we’re already twenty minutes behind schedule and you aren’t losing your shit.”
I opened one eye, watching him as he swallowed down the remainder of his orange juice. “I’m comfortable.”
“Really?” Minho snickered, looking down with a knowing glance. “Sweetheart, you’re usually pushing me out the door right about now.”
“Well, things have been hectic at the company, so I thought it might be nice to treat ourselves.”
“I assume you’re talking about my required collaboration with the three idiots,” Minho said. 
“I’m concerned,” I continued. “Minho, you hate working with the other artists, but this isn’t something we can just walk away from.”
“I understand,” Minho sighed. “I don’t want you to worry about me or the collaboration. I promise to be a good boy.”
I rolled my eyes at his tone. “That’s a great way to instill confidence.”
“They’re irritating,” Minho continued. “My inbox is full of messages and I hate email.”
“Welcome to the 21st century.”
“Are you sure Mr. Park wanted this?”
“Minho,” I said, slowly pulling myself out of his arms. “Stop thinking about the project like it’s some sort of punishment. Consider it an opportunity instead.”
“Please feel free to elaborate.”
“3racha are incredibly famous and they have a considerable fanbase,” I said. “When those fans hear your voice on the record, they might start paying more attention to your music.”
Minho exhaled, chest falling beneath my hands. “I see your point, but I don’t like it.”
“Nobody said you had to like it,” I reminded him. “Be nice to them.”
“What are you asking me to do?” my husband groaned, rolling over onto his stomach.
I quickly straddled his waist, working my fingers into the tense muscles of his shoulders. “I know you don’t like the collaboration, but it won’t last forever and then you can go back to working on your solo projects.”
“I guess, but only if you come to all the recording sessions.”
I grinned triumphantly, even if it was only one victory in a long history of tedious arguments with my stubborn husband. 
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Mr. Kim was a very impatient man, and I was only somewhat surprised to see him standing by the main entrance when we finally arrived at the company.  “Minho, you needed to be in the recording studio...” he trailed off, glancing at his wristwatch with a frown. “Ten minutes ago.”
My husband scoffed. “I don’t work on your time, Mr. Kim.”
“We had a late start,” I intervened. “I’ll make sure he gets there soon, Mr. Kim.”
The older man grunted, clearly displeased with Minho’s behavior. Thankfully, Minho had the decency to wait until he was well out of hearing range before further disparaging Mr. Kim’s character. “Sweetheart, I’m doing this for you,” Minho said, glaring over my shoulder at Mr. Kim’s retreating form. “But I don’t appreciate being told what to do.”
“That’s how he is,” I said. “I used to work for him as an assistant. He was always keeping everyone busy. Time wasted is money lost.”
Minho snickered at my poor imitation of Mr. Kim’s accent. “I’d kick his skinny ass if I was any less patient.”
I resisted the urge to laugh at Minho’s “restraint” because my husband was notorious for acting without consideration for the consequences. “Don’t be late for your first recording session.”
Minho pouted, looking down at me with wide, brown eyes. “You aren’t coming?”
“I’ll be there soon,” I promised him with a quick kiss. “I have something to do first.”
Minho was hesitant to leave me behind, but I offered him another encouraging kiss before retreating in the opposite direction to my office. It seemed that I would need reinforcements for this particular occasion, and I knew there were only two men who I could force to help me. As such, I found Jeongin and Seungmin loitering around their desks, passing back and forth what appeared to be a paper airplane. “I wasn’t aware I made any prior aviation requests.”
Jeongin let out a small whine, quickly disposing of the distraction in the bin next to his desk. “Sorry, Mrs. Lee.”
“Look, I’m actually in a hurry today and there’s too much going on for me to handle your hijinks,” I said, beckoning the interns to follow me into my office. “I have an important assignment for you.”
“Of course!” Seungmin agreed, walking ahead to grab the door. “Whatever you need, Mrs. Lee.”
“It’s about Minho.”
“Lee Minho?”
I turned around to glare at Jeongin. “Who else? Or did I receive notice of another client with the same name?”
Jeongin shook his head furiously. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Lee. It’s just...”
“Minho has a history with interns,” Seungmin finished. “And maybe people in general.”
I laughed at their suggestions. “You’ll be with me the entire time, alright?”
They both visibly relaxed. “So we don’t have to help him?”
“Not directly,” I affirmed, moving around my desk. “Sit down, boys.” They both complied quickly, looking up at me with wide and innocent eyes that reminded me of my days in university. “Minho and 3racha have a recording session scheduled for this afternoon.”
Jeongin squealed from his chair. “The 3racha! I love their music! Oh, do you think it’d be too much to ask for an autograph?”
Upon seeing my glare, Jeongin quickly apologized. “Would it be too much to resist that urge, Mr. Yang?”
The younger boy sighed. “Sorry, Mrs. Lee.”
“Anyway,” I continued, ignoring their antics. “I have your assignments.”
Seungmin leaned forward expectantly. “Whatever you need, Mrs. Lee!”
“Your job,” I said, glancing back and forth between Jeongin and Seungmin, “is to make sure that Minho doesn’t piss off 3racha.”
“How?” Jeongin asked with sad eyes that almost forced me to change my mind on the spot.
“Just make sure you’re at their recording sessions with me,” I said. “Intervene whenever it seems like they might argue.”
“Intervene?”
I sighed impatiently. “I don’t know, improvise or something, but nothing bad needs to happen or Mr. Park will chew my ass out for disrupting a perfectly good collaboration opportunity.”
Seungmin and Jeongin looked at each other before sighing in defeat. “Does this mean we’ll be getting a raise?”
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Here’s the thing about my job: despite Minho’s insistence, he was not the only client I represented. For example, I was also currently working on the debut of a new boy group who were incredibly talented and highly charismatic. They were also obedient and respectful, doing whatever they could to make my job easier even though I never asked them to sacrifice their free-time to practice their dancing and singing. When I worked with their leader, I couldn’t help but think that my job was considerably easier in comparison to the extra effort sometimes required to fix Minho’s mistakes, like the time he showed up an hour late for an interview because I forgot to set the alarm in our bedroom. Nonetheless, it always seemed like I was doing something extra to remedy Minho’s abrasive nature, which explains why I was prepared to sacrifice two of the company’s interns for the betterment of the future.
“Are you ready?” I asked the younger boys, lingering by the doorway to the studio.
Seungmin managed a nod while Jeongin murmured something that I decided to interpret as his approval. I knocked on the door expectantly, slightly relieved when Minho greeted me on the other side. “There you are,” he said. “We couldn’t possibly start without you.”
I rolled my eyes, but followed him inside with my interns hot on my heels. Minho retired to the couch, hunched over his laptop as he worked with a frown. Meanwhile, Chan, Jisung, and Changbin were busy adjusting the sound equipment while Mr. Kim watched his clients with eager eyes.
“Stay here,” I said to my nervous interns before joining Minho on the couch. “Do you actually plan to help them?”
“Believe it or not, Y/N,” Minho said. “I’m not actually procrastinating...just putting the finishing touches on the initial demo.”
He lifted one of the earbuds, offering it to me with a grin. “Are you trying to ask me something?”
Minho scoffed. “Will you please listen to my finished demo?”
I snatched the earbud from him in response, plugging my right ear and blocking out the lingering noise from the studio. The soft cadence of the piano started to play from the computer, shortly followed by Minho’s familiar breathy vocals that never ceased to amaze me. My husband was gifted with a profoundly gorgeous voice that could reach high notes that even I would struggle to obtain.
“My voice sounds angelic, wouldn’t you agree?” Minho asked.
“I see your ego has somehow managed to grow overnight.”
Minho chuckled, leaning in to press a chaste kiss to my lips. “Don’t worry, I don't intend to sabotage the collaboration...I worked too hard on this demo.”
“I guess we can start then,” I said, stretching my arms high above my head as I waited for Minho to eject his flash drive. From the corner of my eye, I spotted Jisung approaching the two of us with a hesitant smile. “Good morning, Jisung,” I said, nudging Minho when he continued to remain silent.
“Let’s get this over with,” he said, holding up the flashdrive. “I prepared most of the song.”
“Really?” Jisung questioned, accepting the device from Minho. “I’d like to listen.”
Jisung returned to the sound booth and Chan accepted the flash drive with a brief glance over his shoulder at Minho. My husband remained silent while Chan opened the corresponding file on the computer and everyone listened with admirable concentration while Minho’s sweet music and tender voice filled the empty studio space.
“It’s good,” Changbin acknowledged at the end, even though his tone was somewhat reluctant.
“Good enough on its own,” Minho muttered and I shot him a warning look. “Fine,” he begrudged. “I have some ideas on the arrangements.”
“Sure,” Chan nodded, leaning back against the sound booth. 
“We can split up the parts,” Minho continued. “I’ll handle the chorus.”
“I see,” Chan acknowledged. “I guess that means you want us to take the verses?”
“Logical, isn’t it?” Minho snarked. “I suppose you can add a rap verse or two since that’s your...thing.”
“I could try and sing as well,” Jisung offered. “We could harmonize over the final chorus.”
“You sing?” Minho snorted. “I thought you were a rap group.”
“Does that automatically disqualify us from being singers?” Changbin asked gruffly.
“Of course not!” I interfered, inserting myself effectively between Minho and Changbin. “I’ve heard some of your vocal work and it’s absolutely beautiful.”
Minho grumbled something indecipherable under his breath from behind me, but I ignored him and continued to do my absolute best to ensure the recording session progressed as smoothly as possible. “I hope you don’t mind, but my interns will also be joining us today for their field work.”
“That’s fine with me,” Chan spoke up from his position behind the sound station. “Should we start with finalizing arrangements?”
I ushered Minho forward whose expression revealed his reluctance. However, since he was on his best behavior, Minho started conversing with Chan and the others about arranging the vocals and rap verses for the song. In return, I sat down on the couch with my interns since I wasn’t skilled enough to comprehend their impressive knowledge of song production. I knew Mr. Kim was also quite unfamiliar with their vernacular, but the proud man continued to linger around the artists as if he could possibly offer something beneficial to the professionals.
I scoffed at the idea, turning to look at Seungmin who was busy playing some sort of application on his phone. “Is this your way of doing a good job?”
He jumped at the sound of my voice, closing out of his game before shoving his phone back into his pocket. “I’m paying attention!”
From my other side, Jeongin sighed happily. “Han has the best voice.”
I tried not to laugh at Jeongin’s starstruck expression, especially since Han Jisung was a very impressive vocalist, singing Minho’s lyrics like they had come from his own imagination. “He’s quite talented,” I agreed, studying my husband to try and determine if he also shared the same opinion.
But Minho was difficult to read when he was focused on his music. He never spoke during Han’s performance, waiting until the younger boy was finished before addressing him expectantly from the recording booth. Minho sighed, pressing the button to allow him to speak directly to Jisung. “It was alright for a rapper.”
I resisted the urge to bang my head against the wall as Jisung glowered at Minho. “I’m not just a rapper.”
“The tone isn’t right,” Minho carried on as if Jisung hadn’t spoken, “we need tighter vocals.”
“My vocals are fine!” Jisung bristled and I shoved at Jeongin’s arm who immediately jumped into action. The younger intern stood up abruptly, the unexpected action commanding the attention of the entire studio...
“Who wants coffee!”
I sighed at his dramatics, but it was a decent distraction. “Why not?” Chan asked, reclining back in his chair. “It seems like we have a lot of work to do.”
Sadly, truer words had never been spoken.
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Graciously, Minho managed to keep his more radical opinions to himself for the remainder of our scheduled recording sessions with 3racha. Of course, my husband always had his ways of insinuating an insult through carefully chosen words. Nonetheless, I think all parties involved knew it would be to everyone’s benefit if we finished recording the new song without arguing about Minho’s dismissive comments. 
In any case, Mr. Park was thrilled with the final result, inviting me and Mr. Kim to his office after listening to the finished product. “This is exactly what I envisioned,” he said with a bright smile. “The fans will love this!”
“It was a process, sir,” I admitted, sheepishly offering Mr. Kim what I hoped was a sincere apology.
“I’ve scheduled a shooting day for the music video,” Mr. Park said. “I have the perfect concept for the song!”
“I’m sure it’s brilliant, sir,” Mr. Kim added.
“Lee Felix and Hwang Hyunjin have agreed to choreograph the track,” Mr. Park said. “They have some very interesting ideas for your clients.”
It was only then when I remembered that Minho liked to arrange his own dances, but since we were already this far into the collaboration, he might reluctantly agree once more. “We’ll be there,” I reassured my boss.
Unfortunately, I knew it would be a horrible shooting day when I walked outside with Minho and saw a gray sky and light misting of rain. “This is already a mess,” I said, dragging my still sleepy husband to the car. 
“How long will this take?” Minho grumbled.
“If you’re willing to cooperate,” I said, fixing him with a stern glance, “then I’d imagine we can finish by this evening.”
Minho yawned. “I hate music video shoots.”
“You poor thing,” I sighed. “Whenever you finally decide to become a director, then I’m certain you’ll insist on controlling that aspect of music production as well.”
“I feel like you understand my vision, Y/N,” Minho said with an airy laugh. “I’m too tired to argue today.”
I exhaled a sigh of relief, hoping that he was being honest. “Mr. Park invited the company’s best choreographers. Please don’t insist on doing your own performance.”
“As long as they won’t have me doing anything less than artistic,” Minho said. “We should be fine.”
I chose not to take my husband’s words to heart as we drove to the shooting sight together in silence. It had started to steadily rain the longer we drove, and I had a feeling that the sky itself was foreshadowing the impending breakdown threatening to destroy all the progress we made. But I was also an optimist, and Minho was usually the least abrasive when it came to shooting music videos.
I parked my car next to the company’s van, watching a few regular staff members unload equipment from the back. “Y/N, it’s not too late for us to drive to that adorable little breakfast restaurant we like so much,” Minho reminded me.
“Shoot the video and I’ll treat you to a gourmet dinner,” I said, reaching across the console to squeeze my husband’s hand. 
He was still reluctant, but I was proud when he reached into the backseat for our umbrella. We stood close together, Minho’s hand firm around my waist. In the distance, I easily found Mr. Kim talking with his clients as they fought to stay dry under one of the company’s tents.
Mr. Kim saw me first, letting out an exaggerated sigh. “Y/N, you’ve decided to keep us waiting again.”
“Blame it on the weather,” I said, closing the umbrella as Minho wandered over to talk with one of the directors.
“Oh! You mean the rain pushing us into a delay? I guess I didn’t notice,” Mr. Kim returned, rolling his eyes as he led me further into the crowd of people. I faintly recognized the younger men dressed in gorgeous outfits, recalling their appearance in various music videos from some of the company’s most distinguished artists. “Y/N,” Mr. Kim smiled. “I’d like you to meet Lee Felix and Hwang Hyunjin. They have some excellent suggestions for the music video.”
“The honor is mine,” I said, bowing respectfully to Felix and Hyunjin. “Minho is eager to work with you.”
Felix smirked. “You don’t have to lie to us, Mrs. Lee. We know your husband prefers to work alone.”
“Ah,” I murmured. “His reputation precedes him.”
“I hope he can appreciate our efforts,” Hyunjin added. “Felix and I have been working on some new choreography for the track.”
“He’s being compliant today,” I said. “I’m sure he’ll appreciate everything you’ve done.”
“There isn’t much of a choice,” Mr. Kim said, startling when the director attempted to speak over the white-noise of the tent’s occupants.
“Attention! We’re starting inside the school for the first scene.”
I met Minho’s eyes over the crowd of moving staff, nodding for him to obey the director’s command. “What’s the concept, Mr. Kim?”
“Friends-to-lovers?” Mr. Kim shrugged. “Your pretty husband is the main character, which I’m sure will please him greatly.”
“It’s a high school setting?”
“Yes, and he has a crush on a school girl,” Mr. Kim said. “You should know this very well, Mrs. Lee, didn’t he seduce you in the same way?”
I ignored his jab. “And 3racha?”
“Protective friends, I guess,” Mr. Kim said. “The director assured me that it wouldn’t take long to film.”
“I hope not,” I said. “The less Minho has to be here, the better.”
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“Cut!” the director growled. “Mr. Lee, this is not the same choreography that we discussed with Felix and Hyunjin.”
“I tried to improvise,” my husband defended himself.
There were less than two scenes left to film and I was very close to dragging Minho away from the film shooting and knocking some sense into him. “Follow the script we discussed,” the director said. “Let’s take five.”
Chan glared at Minho as he snatched a bottle of water from the snack table. “Is it too much to ask you to cooperate, Minho?”
My husband ignored Chan, pausing in front of me to bring his forehead against mine. “I’m tired.”
I shot Chan an apologetic smile as I smoothed my hands through Minho’s hair. “I’m sorry.”
He pulled back to look at Chan who was engrossed in conversation with Jisung and Changbin. “He’s impossible to work with.”
“What’s wrong now?” I sighed, feeling another impending headache courtesy of Minho’s behavior.
“I hate Bang Chan,” Minho said. “He keeps looking at your ass.”
“Who cares?” I nearly shouted, attracting the attention of a few camera workers. “Minho, the shooting is almost over. Please, for the sake of my mental sanity, can you try to listen to the director?”
Minho’s eyes betrayed his exhaustion. “I want greasy food for dinner and a cheesy movie when I get home.”
I laughed, amused by Minho’s behavior. “Whatever you want.”
“Minho!” the director yelled. “We need you back on set.”
Minho closed his eyes and sighed. “He’s lucky I’m a professional.”
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I was lingering by the snack table, picking my way through the bowl of skittles because I only liked the red kind, when I heard the unexpected sound of yelling from somewhere inside the school. My husband’s voice was easy to detect about the noise, and I stuffed a handful of candies into my mouth before deciding to investigate. As much as I’d like to imagine that the yelling was a part of the music video, common sense told me that my husband had likely gotten into another confrontation with the director.
However, the last thing I expected to see was Minho marching through the open doors of the school with Chan following him with clear annoyance. “I’m telling you it’s not good enough,” Chan said, frowning when Minho stopped by my side.
“I don’t want to film it again,” Minho said. “Besides, your reaction was genuine. The best ‘acting’ you’ve done all day.”
“What’s going on?” I demanded.
“Nothing,” Minho said, glaring at Chan as he reached for my hand. “The collaboration required a song and we have a finished copy and a music video. I’ve done my part, so if you’ll kindly excuse my wife and I...”
Chan shook his head. “Do whatever you want, Minho. I don’t care anymore.... But the sad part in all of this is how much I was sincerely excited to work with you, despite your reputation.”
Minho seemed at a loss for words, glancing back and forth between me and Chan. “I can’t share your sentiment, Chan,” he finally said. “I think it’s best if we make this a one time thing.”
“My thoughts exactly,” Chan agreed with a disappointed sigh.
I could only helplessly stand aside as the two bickered, wondering if it was too late to formally retire.
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Sunday was the only day of the week where I could actually enjoy myself without having to worry about the company or the never-ending demands of my clients, with the exception of my husband. “Y/N,” Minho slurred from next to me in our bed.
I made a vague noise of recognition, pulling the blankets closer to my chin because it was too cold in the apartment. “What?”
“Your phone is vibrating,” Minho said, and I managed to crane my head back just enough to realize that he was right.
I reached out my hand to feel for the stupid thing on the nightstand, pulling it close enough to read the message displayed across the screen:
From Mr. Kim: Mr. Park planned some sort of elaborate interview/performance for the new collaboration. Make sure Minho is at the company tomorrow by noon.
“Who is it?” Minho asked, using one arm to drag me closer to his welcoming heat.
“Mr. Kim,” I murmured in return.
“Why?” Minho growled.
“Apparently, you have an interview with 3racha tomorrow. Mr. Park wants a live performance for the debut of the collaboration.”
“I thought I was done with them,” Minho said with a tone that suggested he was anything but pleased with the news.
“It’s just one performance,” I argued. “And you promised me that you would finish all your responsibilities.”
“You keep adding more things,” Minho gruffed.
I smirked, rolling onto my side to face my husband. “I think it’s a great idea to let the fans hear it live on the same day it starts streaming.”
“Can’t they just play the recording of my parts?”
“It won’t be the same,” I said, leaning in closer to brush my lips across the seam of his pout. “I’ll be the loudest fan screaming your name from the back.”
He chuckled, allowing one hand to pull me in closer. “Aren’t you always my biggest fan?”
“Lee Know, will you sign my albums?”
“You’re a good negotiator, sweetheart,” he said, diving in for a passionate kiss that reminded me of when we first started dating and Minho was always eager to shower me with affection. 
“Minho,” I gasped, barely restraining a moan when he suddenly moved between my thighs.
“I’m sorry I’ve made things difficult,” he said, pressing sweet kisses to the skin around my calves. Tender moments like this reminded me of the person I fell in love with, slowly learning that there was more to Minho than his arrogant stage persona. 
“Please,” I whispered, helping him remove my sweatpants before weaving my fingers through his hair.
“Anything for you,” Minho said, breath hot against my sensitive skin. He stuck out his tongue, tasting the heat between my legs with languid strokes that promised the best wake-up call to start the day. Not that Minho and I did anything substantial on Sundays since we preferred to watch movies and indulge in the glorious high of junk food.
More often than not, we always ended up in this position with my husband doing his best to please me. And I had no room to complain because Minho was awfully talented with his tongue, and he had me writhing against the mattress like a complete mess. “You’re too good at this,” I complained halfheartedly.
His nails dug into my hips, holding me in place while he continued to drive me over the edge. “Are you going to cum for me?”
I always broke at his husky tone, lying spent in my post-orgasmic haze as Minho feathered light kisses across my legs. In moments like this, it was impossible to think about the negative aspects of working for the company, or the drama of the collaboration. Besides, it was only one more day and Minho never broke his promises.
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I found a strange, but calming quality to pacing back and forth when I came across a problem that was incredibly difficult to solve. For example, arriving at the office early to prepare last minute forms while fully expecting my husband to show up to his scheduled interview and performance without my intervention. Yet, despite my expectations, I was currently backstage with Mr. Kim and his clients while we listened to a crowd of eager fans waiting to hear the new collaboration. Unfortunately, my husband was nowhere to be seen, and that meant our schedule was in jeopardy.
“Where’s Minho?” Mr. Kim nearly screeched, raking his hands through his balding hair while remaining heavily engrossed in his phone screen.
The performance was supposed to start ten minutes ago and the fans were clearly confused. A distinct murmuring of intermingled voices echoing throughout the soundless concert hall. “Y/N?”
I turned around, using every last ounce of strength I could muster to meet Chan’s gaze. “I don’t know where he is.”
“Is that so?” Chan asked, and the anger in his eyes was enough to nearly give me a premature heart attack.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, desperately ringing Minho’s number once again only to be met by the familiar greeting of his voicemail inbox.
“I knew that bastard would ruin this,” Changbin said. “He was determined from the start to see this fail.”
“It was one performance,” Jisung bemoaned, and I could only feel absolutely miserable listening to their shared complaints. But, in the words of my formidable boss, the show must go on and I couldn’t bear to disappoint the eager fans waiting to hear the song they loved.
Speaking of which, I reached out a hand to support myself against the wall when I saw Mr. Park walk backstage with his assistants. Our eyes met from across the room. “Mr. Park,” I managed, but my throat was suddenly dry despite the three empty bottles of water I had consumed.
“Y/N,” Mr. Park sighed, eliminating the distance between us. “Tell them to have 3racha perform without Minho. Our phone conversation today has certainly changed my mind about the viability of his collaboration.”
“You talked to him?” I growled, feeling nothing short of betrayed since my husband had repeatedly ignored my phone calls.
“We’ve reached an impasse,” Mr. Park explained solemnly. “Please tell Mr. Kim about the change.”
“But sir!” I tried to protest because I was extremely confused and had no idea what we needed to tell the fans.
However, Mr. Park was already focused on a new task and instead of delaying the inevitable, I found Mr. Kim talking urgently to a stage hand next to the curtain. “Introduce 3racha,” I said. “Tell them that Minho had an unexpected emergency.”
Mr. Kim, if it was even possible, grew even redder to the point where I hesitated to call for help backstage. “This is an outrage!” he finally growled, crowding me against the wall. “If this goes wrong, then I hope you know that it’s entirely your husband’s fault and his mistakes reflect poorly on your performance.
I bowed my head, because I knew that part of the blame rested on my shoulders as Minho’s manager, especially in regard to the mysterious phone call he shared with Mr. Park. In the meantime, I could hear the crowd cheer for the arrival of 3racha who performed to the best of their ability without my husband. Still, it broke my heart to know that he had somehow been excused from the performance after promising to complete the remainder of his responsibilities. 
But I still wanted to give Minho the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps something happened when I left for the company and he was forced to call Mr. Park? Still, my optimism didn’t stop my hands from shaking from my grip around the steering wheel, pulling into my usual parking spot with a heavy sigh. Before our marriage, there were plenty of times when Minho tested my patience. For example, on multiple occasions I had come very close to handing in my request to have him transferred to someone else because he was sometimes impossible to handle. However, each time I would threaten to leave, Minho always convinced me to stay, turning his entire attitude around and doing his best to make up for his mistakes. He was usually successful, but today’s mishap forced me to question whether or not he was capable of recovering from this unexpected slight. And it wouldn’t just jeopardize my relationship with him as his manager, but also the close intimacy I shared with him as his wife.
I paused at the door to our apartment, trying to listen for any sound of movement from inside. “He’ll have a good excuse,” I attempted to justify, unlocking the door before dragging my feet into the entryway. “Minho?” I called out, greeting nothing but silence before I walked downstairs to his studio where Minho often liked to escape when he wanted to be alone.
I was surprised to see him inside, working on his computer as if today was just another ordinary session. “Minho,” I snapped, opening the door without bothering to knock. “We need to talk.”
Minho sighed, glancing away from his computer screen. “I know Mr. Park cancelled my performance.”
“Yeah? And you don’t think that there’s something wrong!”
“Y/N, don’t worry about the interview,” he replied. “Park called me earlier and told me he would take care of everything.”
I slowly exhaled. “I know he called you, but I don’t understand why it happened.”
“He said it wouldn’t be the last time I was involved with marketing,” Minho continued. “I told him I was under the impression that today would be the last performance. We argued for a while and he told me that I shouldn’t bother showing up today if I wasn’t committed to the project.”
I blinked twice, trying to process his words. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked, barely restraining the anger. “I called you several times before Mr. Park showed up backstage.”
“I knew you’d be disappointed,” Minho said with a vulnerable tone I could hardly tolerate. “It’s not a big deal. Park knows about everything, and tomorrow we can forget about the collaboration.”
He looked at me like he was expecting me to just agree with him, but I was beyond words. Instead, I turned my back to him and retreated upstairs to our bedroom. I had fought with my husband before, but this was an entirely new level of anger and frustration.
I could hear Minho following me, but I refused to acknowledge his attempts to gain my attention. “You’re an asshole sometimes,” I growled, storming around the bedroom to find a spare set of sheets in the closet. “Let me know when you’re done being the world’s biggest jerk.”
“What are you doing?” Minho asked, blocking my path to the doorway. “We’re not done talking about this if you’re upset.”
“Yeah? Well, I’m done and you don’t always get your way,” I snapped, pushing past my husband into the living room.
“Y/N,” Minho said, reaching for my arm despite my attempts to ignore him. “I’m sorry.”
“No you aren’t,” I said, spinning around on my heel to confront him. “If you were sorry, then you’d try to make things right, but your ego has grown to such a monumental size that you can’t even accept the added weight of another mistake.”
“What are you saying?”
“You can’t make this right,” I said, tears obscuring the vision of my husband. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Sweetheart,” he said, expression transforming completely when he realized I was truly on the verge of a breakdown. “You know I’m not mad at you! Park knows everything, he was the one who told me not to show up!”
“It doesn’t matter,” I cried. “I asked you to do something that’s surprisingly simple for most people. Not because I wanted to punish you, but because I saw an opportunity to help Lee Know! But after the stunt you pulled today, I don’t think I’d bother helping you anymore.”
The single tear that fell from Minho’s eye would have normally been enough for me to recognize his guilt, but I wasn’t in the mood to fall back into the tedious cycle of forgiving him only to deal with another mishap in the future. “Y/N,” he said softly. “Please don’t leave me.”
I shook my head. “I need some time to think about things.”
“What do you mean?” he asked with a desperate tone. “We should talk about this, I can make it better!”
“Just let me sleep,” I begged him and he broke even more, releasing my hand with an uncharacteristic whine.
I tossed my blanket onto the couch, attempting to find a comfortable position on the leather. It was a far cry from the mattress in our bedroom, but I desperately needed space away from Minho. For now, I didn’t want to deal with the reality of our situation, which is why I was more than willing to drown myself in the familiar darkness of sleep.
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The smell of bacon was surprisingly overwhelming when I woke up the next morning with lower back pain. I groaned, attempting to sit up despite the near constant throbbing. Apparently, leather sofas were built for style instead of comfort.
I opened my eyes slowly, feeling my heart jump inside my chest when I saw Minho holding a plate in my direction. “Y/N, are you okay?”
I swiped a hand across my face, remembering my argument with Minho from the previous evening. “I’m fine.”
“You should eat,” he insisted so I accepted the plate from him, shaking my head when I realized the toast was burnt, but Minho had never been a great cook. “I want to talk about last night,” Minho said. “Because you’re obviously hurt and that’s the last thing I wanted.”
“What did you expect?” I asked. “You weren’t there for the performance, you ignored my calls, and then my boss tells me that one of his artists decided he was done promoting his new single?”
Minho winced at my tone. “It’s all my fault because I decided to take everything personally. He forced me to do the collaboration when I didn���t want to participate, and it felt like he was taunting me...like I had no control over my music and he could do whatever he wanted.”
“He can, Minho,” I said. “You signed a contract with the company.”
“I know,” he sighed. “I keep forgetting that part, and it’s really stupid how much I let it affect me, but I hate it when things are out of my control.”
“But that’s no reason to take it on the people who were only trying to do their job,” I snapped. “Or refuse to tell your own wife!”
“I understand,” Minho nodded. “I was too caught up in my problems to realize that everyone was suffering because of my decisions.”
“What are you going to do about it?” I asked, holding my breath because I was dreading his answer.
“I’ll apologize to them,” Minho said, hanging his head in shame. “I need you to know that I’m sorry for everything.”
My heart broke at the sorrowful expression he wore, completely uncharacteristic of my husband...as was his decision to apologize since I halfway expected Minho to threaten his leave from the company. However, I also sometimes forgot that Minho was more than the way he acted around other people, and his sincerity was perfectly evident for me to recognize. “I know you are, but sometimes you do things without thinking about the consequences.”
“I’m aware,” he chuckled. “And I usually don’t really care, but that’s selfish...especially when it hurts you.”
“It is selfish,” I agreed. “How do I know you won’t do this again in the future?”
“Because I’ll remind myself of this moment,” he said. “I’ll remember what happened last night and do whatever I can to prevent it from happening again.”
I was stunned by his determination. “Are you really going to apologize to everyone?”
“I am,” he nodded. “Of course, your forgiveness matters the most.”
I took a deep breath, processing his words and the steady way he continued to hold my gaze. “You know I forgive you.”
“Thank you,” he said quietly, leaning in to press a chaste kiss against my lips. “I need you more than anything else in the world.”
My heart warmed at his declaration. “I wonder what everyone at the company would think if they saw how cheesy you are.”
“Are you going to tell on me?”
“Not as long as you behave,” I returned, laughing at the way he held me tighter, feeling nothing short of safe and secure in his familiar embrace.
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Mr. Kim was surprisingly calm when I requested a meeting between our clients. In fact, I was shocked that he even accommodated my request considering our bad relations. However, I recognized an opening, walking down the hallway next to Minho who was clearly nervous as he hugged the bottle of champagne we brought as an apology gift.
“Good morning, Y/N,” Mr. Kim greeted us upon our arrival, sparing Minho a grimace before inviting us inside the studio.
Chan and Jisung were sitting together on the couch, glancing up only when Minho paused in front of them. Meanwhile, Changbin stood against the wall, watching my husband with narrowed eyes. Minho held tightly to the bottle of champagne in his hands, glancing between the three men who all wore similar expressions of disdain. “I’m sorry for the interview,” he said. “It was really selfish and immature.”
Chan arched one eyebrow, glancing between me and Minho. “Really?”
I quietly offered Minho a small push against his lower back, encouraging him to continue. “I rehearsed this,” Minho chuckled, “but it’s hard to swallow my pride.”
“Take your time,” I whispered to him softly.
“Well, let me start by saying that I was wrong about the whole collaboration thing,” he said. “It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be and you guys did everything to help us succeed.”
Changbin scoffed. “You certainly made it more difficult.”
Jisung nodded furiously in agreement. “I don’t think I’ve ever had this much trouble with promotion.”
“I know,” Minho agreed. “I was just upset because I have this stupid thing with Park and he knows that I have...problems working with other people.”
“That’s an understatement,” Changbin said, glowering at my husband with obvious disapproval.
“Honestly,” Minho said, swallowing hard. “The song is one of my favorites. I wouldn’t mind collaborating again in the future.”
“Well-” Jising broke off, staring at Mino with something akin to shock. “Huh?”
Chan frowned. “You really made us look bad on stage.”
“That wasn’t my intention,” Minho sighed. “I was being an enormous jerk, trying to stick it to the man or something ridiculous and it played out better in my head.”
I reached out a comforting hand, squeezing Minho’s shoulder for support. “I think he knows his decision was wrong.”
Minho nodded. “You might be upset with me and I understand. I’m sorry for everything that happened, and if you decide I don’t deserve to be taken seriously, then I won’t blame you.”
Minho ended his speech with a nervous cough, thrusting out the bottle of champagne in Jisung’s direction who accepted the bottle hesitantly. “Minho,” Chan said, closing his laptop with a sigh. “I know about your history when it comes to working with other artists.”
“It’s not exactly a glowing resume,” Minho admitted.
“No, but that’s the only reason why I know that your apology was sincere,” Chan said. “If you’re really serious, then I think we can move past this.”
Changbin nodded his agreement. “Mr. Park also explained some of the...politics behind the interview fiasco.”
“I guess it’s hard for you,” Chan shrugged. “I’m glad you came here to make things right.”
“And the champagne is nice,” Jisung added quickly to which Minho managed a smile.
“I’ll do whatever I can to make it up to you.”
“Well, if you were serious about collaborating again, we can start with line distributions,” Changbin said, leaning in with a smirk. “I want to sing next time.”
Minho laughed, nodding enthusiastically. “I think that’s a great idea.”
“In that case, we have cause for celebration,” Jisung cheered. “Mr. Kim, do we have spare glasses?”
In the meantime, I took a step back to allow the four men space to talk together, distributing several glasses of champagne before laughing at Jisung’s failed attempt not to spill anything on the carpet. It was certainly admirable, and I found myself simply watching Minho from across the room. This was nothing short of substantial progress, and I cherished the moment because it promised very good things for the future.
And at one point, Minho snuck away from his new collaborators to join me at the sound booth. “I love you,” he whispered. “I’m glad you’ve always been at my side.”
I reached out for his hand, watching Chan, Changbin, and Jisung hold up their champagne glasses in our direction. “You know? I’m really excited about your next project.”
Minho grinned, leaning his forehead against mine. “I think I could get used to this...as long as you’ll be there.”
I sighed happily, closing my eyes to remember this moment. “That will never change.”
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raughbyn · 3 years
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Rules: list your favorite female characters from ten different fandoms, and tag ten people to do the same.
@theimpossiblescheme ehehe ty bestie 💕
Okay yeah this one will be much more speed but this also means I have to narrow it down a lot more,,,
In no particular order:
1. Elle Woods, Legally Blonde. My FAVORITE movie of all time with one of my favorite characters of all time! I love Elle. I love how unapologetically feminine she is, and how she doesn't let herself become devalued because of it. She is so kind and supportive, and she doesn't let the cruelty and harshness of her peers or professors change that about her. She doesn't need to become cruel to succeed; it's her femininity and ability to connect with people that allow her to solve the murder and win the trial at all. Legally Blonde is one of the best feminist movies of all time and it's entirely because of what an incredible protagonist Elle is. She is my HERO.
2. Jo March, Little Women. Amie, I couldn't help but notice that we share a few favorites lmao. I loved the book a look when I was a kid, but honestly the 2019 movie really solidified my adoration of the story and Jo March herself. She's highly relatable to me, struggling with the expectations of being a woman and her relationship with her own womanhood. She's a wonderful character, but I've always personally read her as aromantics because I just relate so hard and some of the things she says. I legit sobbed in the theater during so many points in the movie.
3. Sillabub, Cats. I sure hope this isn't a surprise to anyone, considering my Cats sideblog is named after her. She's such a sweet and cute little girl, and I'm in love with her sense empathy and wonder. She's such a little cherub,,,, I love her design and her role in the story as Grizabella's sympathetic voice, and her seemingly mystical affinity. I think about her all the time and hearing her sing honestly brings me to tears sometimes.
4. Anne Shirley, Anne of Green Gables. Another childhood favorite book! My grandma really loves the entire series, and I remember watching the 1985 movie almost every time I visited. Anne is another character that I just so highly relate to so heavily. She's so imaginative and creative, and she gets so lost in her own thoughts, and she romanticizes her life and the people in it... she means so well, but her absent-minded was gets her in trouble. And deadname is sounds very similar to hers, so my young self was just like "omg this is exactly me!!" She's such an amazingly written character who feels so real and organic, even with she whimsicality. I will NEVER get tired of her shenanigans.
5. Kipo Oak (Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts) God there is nothing I love more than the power of friendship, and Kipo fucking DELIVERS. This show and it's cast is so heartwarming and Kipo is my favorite. This show just has good vibes of wonder and kindness and adventure, and Kipo encapsulates it all perfectly. I don't have much else to say about her but this is just one of my favorite shows.
6. Jester Lavorre, Critical Role. Laura Bailey is my favorite player and her characters are consistently my favorites, but jester just absolutely takes the cake. Her chaos. Her naivety. Her faith in her friends. Her ability to just bring a smile with every single thing she does...nothing makes me feel better quite like a Jester Lavorre compilation.
7. Sunny, Wings of Fire. Definitely my favorite character out of the entire series. Her insistence on always trying to make friends and foster kindness is just so charming to me, and I really enjoy her struggle of trying to be taken seriously among her friends, since she's constantly underestimated for her small size and very soft heart. She's so resilient with her kindness, and she always leaves people better than she found them.
8. Tohru Honda, Fruits Basket. Another character who's greatest strength is her kindness. Tohru has really been through it, but she refuses to let herself become bitter and cruel, even though she honestly deserves to snap and be a bitch for once so badly. My girl is so selfless and full of love and I think it's awesome how everyone who meets her falls a little bit in love with her, cause like wow me too. She's the most powerful character in all of anime.
9. Wistala, Age of Fire. The last three books in the series were disappointing as hell, but Wistala's book is honestly one of my favorite things to re-read. Her cunning and innovation are really fun to read, and watching her slowly exact revenge for the death of her family so fun and cathartic to read!! I just love everything about her existence. Yes she is a dragon. Yes she is a badass warrior. Yes she is also an intellectual scholar and librarian. I couldn't ask for anything more, she's just really fucking cool.
10. Maya Fey, Ace Attorney. Another I get a lot of joy from just for her existence! Yes the game is about using facts and logic to solve murders in a court of law 💕 Yes the assistant character is a funky spirit medium who can commune with ghosts 💕. She cracks me up and I love her dynamic with Phoenix and everyone else she talks to. She's been through so much shit that she's honestly a tragic character once you think about it, but she is SO much fun!!
Honorable mentions are Kyoko Kirigiri (Danganronpa), Kaede Amamatsu (Danganronpa), Ginger (Chicken Run), Elizabeth Bennet (Pride & Prejudice), Leslie Knope (Parks & Rec), Harley Quinn (Harley Quinn) and Vex'ahlia (Critical Role).
You know what I'm gonna let anyone who wants to do this say that I tagged them!! Defo the ten people in my last post, but if you want an excuse to talk about your favorite female characters then here it is!! Go wild!!
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kaigarax · 3 years
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Winners and Losers
Series: BNHA various x reader
Title: Of Shared Secrets, Stolen Kisses and Silent Hearts
Chapter: 2
Fanfiction / reader insert / 1st person P.O.V.
Quote: "I wonder if people truly do love each other as much as they do in romantic stories?“
People say she parted crowds like how Moses parted the sea. That she danced on the moon with stars. Really though, she was someone who loved to get lost in crowds.
Growing up, I had always been acutely aware of the winners and losers mentality. I understood the common idea of how a winner is someone who stands victorious over their competitors and a loser is everyone else.
Of course, it wasn’t the mentality I had grown up with. It was just always one I understood.
I believe, while fairly obvious, that parents hold the most power over what their child will become when they get older. The ability to mold their children starting from infancy into adulthood was very prevalent; even if one of those aforementioned parents are absent from the child’s life. The amount of power they hold is unfair yet the child is unable to even do anything.
When a parent is too soft their children become harsh believing that they can push older people around. When a parent is too harsh their children become rebellious, wanting to break free from the chains that their familial connection had become.
Finding a good balance between both of these would always be the hardest yet most essential thing for any parent. While no parent wants to believe that their child is the bully, they neither want to believe that their child is someone who falls victim either.
My parents fell on either end of this extreme scale.
My mother had been much too soft on my fellow siblings, though it was likely what made her the favourite parent. Her timid, and somewhat detached attitude, made her words weightless when she wanted to punish her children for misbehaving. And while she was much more caring than my father her lack of control meant that she didn’t hold much power in the household.
On the other hand, my father was harsh. His words were heavy and, despite his fiery attitude, they were cold. While no hard words had been shared, there had never been anything kind either.
It was almost this strange paradox where my siblings and I reacted the way we saw other children yet received none of the same affection. It wasn’t until we could understand the difference in treatment that we understood what had been so wrong.
The revelation wasn’t shocking but rather disappointing.
Everything just seemed to click into place, especially considering how my father was the prime example of the common winner and loser mentality. He knew exactly what he wanted and yet he was unable to reach the goal.
It had caused him to concoct this multigenerational plan. This idea that with the right combination of special abilities he would be able to create the child he wanted. He would be able to bring his dreams to life by living vicariously through his children.
The very idea was the reasoning behind mine and each of my sibling’s birth. It was so deeply rooted into who we were as people that it had become my purpose for living.
Like how a poison takes hold of its victim, this idea took hold of me and dragged me into a place so dark that I could no longer see who I truly wanted to be. To a place where I could no longer see who I was. The idea was me and I was the idea.
Of course, like all children who grow up with harsh parents, I had grown rebellious. Seeing the way my soft spoken mother was treated I grew furious. Even if a small part of me knew she wasn’t fully out of wrong, I knew that she didn’t deserve everything that had been thrown her way.
I wanted to prove not just my worth but hers but not needing his abilities.
Thinking back, the poison of my father’s dream had been so deeply rooted in me that it was the only thing I knew to want. It was actually rather pompous of me.
But nonetheless, it was the attitude I carried into my first year of hero school. With little to no interaction with others my age the person I had become was solely shaped by my two parental figures.
I needed to win.
Our first heroic lesson had been a simulation where each of our classmates had been paired up. Yours a group of three due to the uneven number of people in our class.
Half of us would play the villains loading a bomb while the others were heros attempting to stop them. It was simpler than a game of capture the flag.
Because of your late admission your hero costume hadn’t been finished yet. You, wearing the gym uniform, skipped into the building where the battle would take place as if you were entering a cafe.
Someone who didn’t seem to understand how much weighed on this single simulation.
You had been paired with the invisible girl, Hagakure Toru, and the boy with a tail, Oijiro Mashirao. Like your group mates your results from the quirk assessment had been mediocre, though unlike the two of them your quirk wasn’t as easily seen.
I barely even remembered what your abilities were.
Your abilities didn’t matter though and I doubted you and your group would beat me, even with the advantage of an extra person.
My chest filled with cold air as I touched the building. Frost filled the air before ice encapsulated the rest of the building. It creaked like rotting wood as my partner and I entered the building. Feigning caution as we made our way through the building, I thought for certain that each of you had been captured.
This was easily my victory.
And then you jumped out of nowhere! In an attempt to recover I tried to freeze you like I had done your teammates though had just ended up separating my partner and I as you doged to the side.
I briefly wondered if your ability had something to do with luck.
You ran across the ice as if it were concrete, easily doging each of my frantic attempts to encase you in ice. You were quick to target my left side which was encased in ice. Your moves were unorthodox though were seemingly patterned.
Every action wasn’t wasted as each unsuccessful attack seemed to build into the next one. You were like water moving through canvases and cracks, easily targeting my weak side.
How in the world could someone like you, someone ranked in the bottom half of the class, so easily overpower someone who had been training since he was young? Someone who should’ve been leagues ahead in both physical and special abilities?
You had managed to crack the ice on the side of my left arm, smirking for a moment before going in for what I assumed to be a final attack.
Before you could make it though, you had been knocked back. Shoji had successfully made it through the ice wall and sent you crashing into the wall.
While it was clearly my victory it left me curious.
I wondered if the outcome of the battle would’ve been if I hadn’t underestimated you.
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feverinfeveroutfic · 3 years
Text
chapter thirty two: last christmas in new york
Sam never had her meeting with Bill at any given time during that following week. The whole entire time she had expected him to linger there over her shoulder as she drew up with pencils, colored and pure graphite otherwise, while in class. While she was relieved that he never did once show up, she still wondered what he had in mind for that summer and the months following.
There came a point in which she hoped that it would only be for that single summer and not the rest of the year. She knew that it was ridiculous to assume such a thing, and yet she still managed to think ahead. She had hope in Anthrax's new album for that coming year and that she and Joey could in fact take things to the next level. So much more that she needed to figure out with him in particular.
Even with the arrival of late October and the first freezing rains of the season, Sam couldn't help but feel that it would be her last autumn in New York, and ultimately her last Halloween there: all the spooky decorations and the fleeting scent of cinnamon in the air made her wish for those first days in the city again, even when she still lived in the Bronx. The smell of cinnamon made her think of Cliff as well. The smell of Christmas and home.
If it really was that significant of a task for her to carry out, then she knew that she would have to spend a great deal of time out there. And yet, the more thought she put into it, the more it felt so ludicrous to her. But then again, home called her with each passing day. Even with the midst of October, the days of the term seemed to drag by, not just for her but for Marla as well, who had come home every day from school looking as though she had run a mile at some point during the day.
Hardly enough time to relish in the rest of her time with one of her best friends, or in New York City. All both young women could do following their work was have dinner and then curl up under the covers with a book to read or with Genie curled up next to them. The very thing they had worked for and the very thing that made both of them head out to school had found its way into the realm of tedium. Sam lay in bed with her eye on her art journals and she wondered where it was all going wrong. A time away from the journals and the art desk, and she could return with a fresh approach.
Of course!
That was also the day she finally found that little bit of curiosity for some insight into it all, given Bill never showed up one time during her classes. Add to this, she thought of something else she had to figure out with Marla in particular. It was right after school and Marla herself had come home early in order to work on her own senior project. Sam knocked on her door and she peered over her shoulder at her. She nudged the door open and stepped inside.
“Hey,” Marla called to her; she swiveled around on her stool and in turn showed Sam the trio of drawings on her desk as well as the look of exhaustion on her face.
“Hey,” Sam replied back to her.
“What's happening?”
“I'm just curious about your own senior project—I also have to confess something. And I don't know who else to say this to—I mean, I haven't spoken to Aurora since Alex's birthday party last month, and we barely spoke to.”
“Yeah, and she made it about herself, too.”
“Right! Add to this, Bel's still at school and the boys are over in Europe right now. So you are literally the only person I can talk to about any this at the moment.”
“Go ahead,” said Marla with a shake of her head.
“Well,” Sam began, and she cleared her throat as well, “I'm not a liar, I'm not gonna lie to you, Marla, but... I'm kind of tired of this whole thing.”
Marla sighed through her nose and she tapped the eraser of her pencil on the inclined desk surface for a bit, and then she nodded her head. She let her eyes wander over to the desk next to her. Those drawings, those bare drawings that seemed to taunt both of them. Those drawings without any sort of feeling to them: they looked as though they hadn't been crafted by a human woman but by a machine.
“You wanna know something—I am, too,” she said in a low voice. She then turned her head back to Sam. “Hey, at least you get a trip out to California and you get to go see your parents again. I don't have a clue what I'm gonna do next year. At least Bel has an idea what she'll be doing: she's gonna be working in a glass shop up in Albany, but I have no idea about myself, though.”
“You and Genie, too,” Sam added.
“Right!”
Sam folded her arms across her chest. “Bel's going up to Albany, really?”
“Oh, yeah. She told me this—today actually—once school is out for the both of us, she's packing it up and bouncing up there. My best friend is actually going to move away from me.”
“Well, at least she's just going up the road, though,” Sam pointed out. “You know, she's not going—clear across the country.”
Marla sighed through her nose. One of their own was about to leave sooner than Sam, and then she would have to leave; Marla's eyes swept back over the pages on the desk next to her. If art brought her hands to that of a machine, then therein lay a dead end for her, and Sam had the impulse to call up Bill and tell him about it. But then again, they were a year apart. Whatever Marla had to do for herself was far different from that which awaited her the next summer.
“Can I at least see what it's supposed to encapsulate?” she asked her at one point. Marla then gave her cherry red hair a light toss back with a flick of her head.
“Yeah—Mrs. Robinson gave me what to do like the first day of school—which really makes me wonder what Bill has in store for you if he's telling you about it now. I have to fill out this journal—” She set her hand on a brown hard cover journal to the left of her. “—plus make a whole series of drawings, three of them erotic and three of them far more chaste. She told me she wants it to be in the realm of 'yin' and 'yang', like opposites of each other. The meeting of sexuality without it. She described it as like the human experience. Neither side understands the point of the other, although I'm not sure as to how to bring the chaste side to life, you know without being too on the nose with it.”
“Right, right.” Sam paused for a second as she thought about her encounters with Joey; even though Marla couldn't hardly relate to the chaste side of life, she definitely could. “So—is that it?”
“Oh, wait, hang on—she gave me this note before I came home earlier.” She picked up a little sheet of paper stuck onto the corner of the desk. “It says 'Miss Taylor, be sure to tell Miss Grimes to write up letters of recommendation for the pending masters and doctorates.'” She waved the paper about as if it meant nothing. “Yeah, another part of the whole thing is Bel and I have to write up letters of recommendation for a few of our classmates who are going onto to get their master's or doctorate degrees.”
Marla then turned to Sam with her eyebrows raised. “Hey, there's an idea for you. Get your master's. He'll have to take you back home at some point because of that. The only drawback I see with that is everything I've heard about both levels of degree are a lot of work. And I mean, a lot of work. You think we're burnt out right now? That's a whole other can of beans—at least from what I'm told about it.”
“Well, if that's just what a senior project is supposed to be, then it kind of makes me wonder exactly awaits me out in California.”
“I have no clue what he's supposed to give you,” Marla confessed to her with a shake of her head. The cherry red roots of her hair began to fade away in their boldness and into her original plain brown color.
“Hey, look at that—it's time to dye your hair again,” Sam pointed out with a nod of her head.
“Yeah, I know.” Marla patted the crown of her head. “I just haven't decided on what color I want next.”
“I'm telling ya: different colors, like a bunch of stripes.”
Marla chuckled at that. “Stripes, like one is black and the next is a muted tone and then a glossy neon one?”
“Yeah!”
“I dunno, Sam,” she confessed with a shake of her head, “—that's a lot of work. Like, that is a lot of work. Remember that metallic sheen I had that one time, you know the one where it looked as though my hair was changing colors? That took like a whole afternoon to do because it was hard on my neck and there was a lot of layering involved, too. I mean, just one color takes a whole couple of hours to do. I'm still surprised Charlie was able to keep it neat—like he didn't make this huge mess in the bathroom.”
“Well, there's always doing a single stripe,” Sam pointed out. “Like you can dye your hair solid black and then add a tiny sliver near the crown of your head.”
“Kind of like Alex's hair?”
“Yeah! Except you should make your stripe like bright pink or blue instead of gray.”
“Like neon colored?” Marla smiled.
“Yeah! I can help you with that, too.”
“It's not hard. Yeah, it's one of those things where it's not hard but it's just—time consuming. You don't just dye your hair willy nilly: you have to set time aside to do it. And it also takes work to pull off right because it can just make a mess or not show up at all. One of the things I learned about dyeing dark hair a weird color like blue or pink or even blonde is you have to bleach it before hand and I remember the first time that happened, too. The first time I bleached my hair and I thought 'I'm never doing that again.' Like right after that, I dyed my hair that bright tangerine orange and with those streaks on the side of my head. Remember that?”
“The first time we met each other!” Sam exclaimed. “I liked you with orange hair.”
“I liked it, too. And I liked those little streaks I had, too, because they were odd. And everyone knew me not as 'Charlie's girl' but as 'the girl with the bitchin' hair.'”
“I liked you with purple hair, too.”
“Bel really liked the purple, and so did Danny Lilker. During the Stormtroopers of Death tour, the first time he saw the purple hair on me, it was like one of those cartoon wolves when they see a foxy girl.”
“Did he howl?” Sam laughed.
“He may as well have!”
“But ever since then, you just layered the colors on top of each other.”
“Yeah. This cherry tomato color was done right on top of that metallic hairdo I had, so because of that, it's due for a redo anyways. Which means if I'm going to a weird color again like blue or pink, even if it's just a little Alex Skolnick or Dale Bozzio type streak at the front of my head, I have to bleach it no matter. And you gotta help me with it, too. The first time I did it Charlie helped me and I'm glad he did, too.”
“Well—where are you right now with your senior project?” Sam asked her.
“I've been wanting a break,” she confessed. “And it's still early, too.” She then nibbled on her bottom lip. “I'm gonna have to go out and get hair dye, though.”
“You can go blonde for a little bit, though,” Sam pointed out.
“I don't look right with blonde hair,” Marla told her. “It's too sharp of a contrast with my eyes. I'll show you what I mean once we get it. And the first time around it itched like crazy, even when I had washed it all out and tried to make it all nice. I can see people confusing me for Bel, too.” She paused for a minute and then she snapped her fingers. “Tell you what. We can bleach my hair and then I can wash it out real good, and while I'm in the shower, you can run on down the block here and get some black and bright blue hair dye for me.”
“You want blue?”
“Yeah. I think that's a good color to work with now. Either that or green, like bright green. I know I've changed hair colors before school terms ended, but I'm feeling it right now. I'm due for dyeing. I'm ready to dye.”
Without another word, Sam and Marla headed into the bathroom with a bottle of powder bleach, some toner, and a shower cap: there was a pair of rubber gloves in the drawer. Marla held still as Sam mixed the powder and toner in the container right next to her. She would pour the bleach over her head while she lay her neck across in the edge of the bathtub: it was either that or lay down in the sink.
“Charlie suggested that, too,” Marla recalled before she lay down, “and I was like, 'I think that's going to make a huge mess, though, Char.' So kudos to you for helping me lay down in the tub.”
“So once it's mixed together, I just work it into your hair?”
“Yeah, you start from the tips and then work your way up to the top of my head—”
Sam leaned forward for the first piece of hair down in the tub and scrubbed the bleach mixture in. It took some time, but she eventually reached Marla's scalp. She had closed her eyes once Sam reached the crown of her head: the entirety of her hair had been laced with something that made Sam think of bubble bath. Meanwhile, pieces of cherry red hair dye bled off of her hair, such that it resembled to blood.
“How're you feeling?” she asked her.
“Okay. Kinda itchy, though.”
“Ooh—damn.”
“It's okay. It's part of the process, getting rid of the color in the keratin. So now—where are you?”
“I'm at the top of your head.”
Marla then opened her eyes.
“You got the shower cap on hand?”
“Right here.” Sam gestured to the shower cap on the edge of the tub next to her. She hesitated to pick it up for her given the bleach concoction on the gloves; thus Marla slipped it under her hair.
“Help me out here—”
Sam stuck stray strands of hair into the cap so they all would stay in place on Marla's head. Within a matter of seconds, Marla herself had the cap upon her head.
“So I just let it sit for a bit and then I wash it out under the shower. And then we can color it in with the black and blue hair dye.”
Sam then took off the gloves and washed her hands, and headed out for two bottles of hair dye, one black and one neon blue. All the while, she pictured Alex with that same hair color scheme, that beautiful bright neon blue in lieu of the gray over his brow. She thought about the way he would dye his hair, with that rich jet black hair dye as it blanketed over that little cluster of gray hairs. The more she thought about it, the more hilarious it seemed to her, in how he could cover up a small piece of his hair with black dye. It was an odd little part of him, something that aged him even as he still stayed young, and thus he seemed so timeless to her.
His trademark.
And Joey had those deep black curls piled atop his head and the dark venom that made up his brown eyes.
Within time, she returned to the apartment right as Marla stuck her head under the shower head and washed out the bleach powder from her hair. Sam took her seat on the arm of the couch right next to Genie, who had curled up in her usual spot at the top. She could hear the water dripping from the shower down the hall, but soon enough, the pipes fell quiet and Marla rung out her hair. More silence, and then she surfaced from the bathroom with a towel on her head.
“Here, let me show you what I meant by that,” she told her, and she unfurled the towel from her wet hair. Bleached and pale yellow, such that it made her eyes appear deeper and more voluminous than before, and it washed out her already milky complexion to an even more pale color.
“Wow—you look—possessed,” Sam sputtered out. “Like you're about to take me down to the depths of hell.
“Charlie told me I looked like Johnny Winter when we first did it, but 'possessed' is more like it, though. Anyways, you got the dye?”
“Yup! Right here.”
Sam handed Marla the bottles of black and neon blue hair dye, and she joined her once again for a bit of help. Once again, Marla let the dye sit in her hair for a bit before she washed it out under the shower's head. Come dinner time, she had a head of jet black hair accompanied with an electric blue streak at the top of her head.
“Stylin',” Sam remarked as she disposed of the shower cap; she thought of the mysterious man in her dreams and the ever changing streak in his hair. It was right then that Lars burst into her mind: maybe it was the sight of Marla's eyes having been far more prominent than before she colored her hair blonde for a bit, or maybe it was her helping out Marla with the hair dye, but she thought about how he encouraged her to be more assertive, especially with the boys not around. A break away from the tedium and she was able to find something within herself that could prove to be helpful; or maybe it came from living on her own for a few years that helped her be more of that nature.
Indeed, the next day at school, everyone in the hallways flashed Marla a thumbs up or an eager nod at her new black hair. Before they headed into their drawing class for the morning, Sam heard someone calling her name right behind her. She turned her head and there was Bill running towards her.
“Miss Shelley? A word?”
She returned to Marla.
“I'll meet up with you in a second,” she told her.
A part of her wanted to ask him, “what took you so long?” but alas, she stopped herself in her tracks and they hung off to the side next to the classroom door.
“What's going on?” she asked him.
“I should tell you that it has been confirmed now. You are coming with me out to California for your senior project.”
“I have a couple of questions about that,” she started as Lars returned to her mind once again.
“Go ahead.”
“First off, what am I going to do out there? Second, what if I wanted to get my master's degree?”
“Well, what I am going to give you for it won't be available until we get out there. And next, our master's program here works by way of signing up for it and beginning on your dissertation over the summer.”
“Oh, I see.” Her heart sank at that. “So—when do we go?”
“We head on out to the Golden State on the thirty first of July, and you begin your project on the fourth of August. I'm going to need you to sign some paperwork at some point so it's confirmed that you are in fact with me there.”
He stuck out his hand for her to shake, and even though she took it, an uneasy feeling emerged in the pit of her stomach and inside of her chest. Her fate was sealed right then. In two months' time, she had to relish every second she had with Joey over Christmas break. Their last one together.
She had to give him what she couldn't give to Cliff in their final Christmas together in the two years before. Two years ago she and Cliff spent Christmas at her parents' house! Two Christmases without him. After class, she told Marla about it, who almost fainted when she learned of the exact date of it all. She then told Belinda, who cupped her hands to her mouth to keep herself from doing anything drastic, and then she threw her arms around Sam.
“It's okay, Bel,” she sputtered from her tight grip, “—it's not like I'm leaving right now or even next week. It's the middle of next summer. It's still a ways off.”
“But you're still leaving us, though!” Belinda exclaimed with a break in her voice.
“She's leaving me, especially,” Marla joined in as she brushed away some tears.
“I just wonder how Aurora's gonna react to this,” Sam confessed. “I haven't spoken to her since Alex's birthday.”
“I saw her just yesterday, actually,” Belinda told her. “She and Emile were shopping for baby clothes. She's not showing, though, so part of me feels like she's faking it.”
“Understand, she's barely two months along, Bel,” Marla pointed out. “She will be eventually, though.”
Sam kept her eye on the look of disappointment on Marla's face as she said that, and she was disappointed, too. Aurora had gotten married and let it all go straight to her head: she could shake her head at Joey's antics to Alex all she wanted, but it was Aurora who hadn't thanked Alex for being in her wedding, and she made his special day all about herself. At the same time, she had no other means of coming in touch with Aurora, either. She had moved clear over to Long Island with Emile and with her packed schedule in school, there simply was no way for Sam to clear the air with her, her initial best friend.
As the days grew darker, and the rain froze over into ice followed by sleet and snow, so too did her wish to leave start a fresh new chapter in life. Granted, her move to New York proved to be a new chapter in and of itself, but the more she thought about it, the more she felt her travels out to California could serve as the next one. She was about to leave home for home again, but she had to finish the first arc before she moved onto the next one, and that was spending one good Christmas with Joey.
Winter came with a firm, vengeful grip on the Northeast come finals week and the middle of December, such that the snows blanketed everything to where it felt like they could bury everyone there alive. By the last day of school, Sam had signed the paperwork that Bill had left for her and thus, her fate had been sealed for the next summer. So caught up between both sides but the whole thing was inevitable.
She sat down on the edge of her bed, right next to Genie, with a cup of Mexican hot chocolate in hand, complete with the little marshmallows. Perhaps, even though it would be the summer time, she could teach her mother how to make Mexican hot chocolate, just like the kind she made for Cliff that morning.
She glanced down at Genie and that soft black fur. Careful not to wake her, she petted her head and her back. Genie never moved; instead, she gave her a soft purr. She hoped that she could take another photograph, that one of Genie for her parents to see for themselves when she got to see them again.
She sipped on her hot chocolate when there was a knock on the door.
“I'll get it,” Marla called out.
Another sip and then—
“Hey, Joey!”
“Mm, Joey's here?”
“Yeah! Frankie is, too!”
Her two best friends, back to her for one more Christmas in New York. Sam set down the cup on her desk and then she headed back into the front room.
Joey's eyes never looked so brighter than they had before then, even with the look of fatigue upon his face. His black curls stood on every which end atop his head.
“Holy fuck, that was a long flight,” he declared as part of his greeting; the fatigue in his voice meant it had been a grueling stint of the tour. Meanwhile, Frank stumbled into the apartment as well. He let out a long low whistle and then he spotted Sam in the hallway.
“There's our girl!” he proclaimed with his arms outstretched for her. Sam lunged for Frank first. If anything, he was her best friend. Her first real best friend there in New York, and she knew he would be in that position no matter where she went in the world. How she missed the soft musk on the side of his neck and the softest part of his lush black hair.
She then turned to Joey for an embrace as well, and he followed it up with a kiss on the side of her neck. He then held back and gazed right into her eyes.
As brown as the earth, but strangely liquid, as if he was about to burst into tears.
“How is everything?” Marla asked them as she rubbed her hands together.
“Yeah, how was the tour?” Sam joined in.
“Oh, my god, I wish you girls were with us,” Frank confessed. “Those European crowds are—crazy. Just insane. You thought the crowd in Boston was nuts—the crowd in Boston was like a graveyard compared to the people in Germany and Switzerland.”
“They are so passionate, though,” Joey added. “Like Frankie and I met some people before a few of the shows and they're just obsessed with the music.”
“The girls, too!” Frank declared.
“Oh, yeah, they were just ape shit about the Cherry Suicides, too. I think we were in Ireland? They did that song 'Dead Witches' where Zelda just goes crazy on the drums.”
“Yeah, it was Northern Ireland, Joey,” Frank said. “I remember 'cause that was Halloween night. They stretched the song to like twenty minutes, like Minerva just unleashed this huge solo.”
“They played it for like twenty minutes in Oslo and Sweden, too,” Joey added. “Like Minerva was wearin' this little Viking helmet as she did it, too, it was just the coolest thing. Hardcore punk rock made by a black Viking, dare I say.”
“Oh, and the guys loved them,” Frank recalled.
“Who, the Swedes or the Norwegians?”
“Both. Both crowds were just in awe of those girls.” He cleared his throat; he, too, had his fill of touring for the time being.
“Yeah, the Irish weren't too sure of them at first, but they warmed up to 'em pretty well, though. The Scandinavians, it was like instant love there. Kinda makes you wonder what's going on up there.”
“And I'm surprised Zelda doesn't have like giant tree trunks for calves,” Frank joked. “She basically hasn't taken off those duct tape boots Chuck gave her.”
“Although we also performed a few dates here in the States,” Joey continued, “there was just no way we could come in contact with you girls 'cause we were like manically hoppin' around the place. We finished up in Dallas just yesterday, and I am just bushed right now.”
“Wow,” Sam breathed out, “where is Zelda, by the way?”
“Oh, they went back to Rhode Island already,” Frank told her. “Although Joey has sump'n for ya in his car downstairs.”
“Yeah.” Joey showed her that crooked smile and Sam followed him outside, to the cold gray blanket overhead and the thick layer of pure white snow all around them.
His car parked there at the curb, and Sam could make out the sight of something in the back seat.
“So for the last few dates of the tour,” he began over the noise of the street, “I realized that—this is gonna be our last holiday break together.”
“And it's confirmed now,” she told him as they stood before the side of the car.
“It's confirmed!” he exclaimed and he gaped at her.
“It's confirmed. I leave July thirty first.”
Joey swallowed, and Sam could see the tears in his eyes.
“I should tell you this then,” he started as he tucked his hands into his coat pockets.
“What?”
He lingered closer to her body. “I cherish every moment I have with you, Sam,” Joey told her. “I know I can lose you.”
She peered up to the sky, at the first little flurries of snow as it fluttered down from the gray overhead. She brought her gaze down to the right side of the street, at all the twinkling Christmas lights as they decorated the trees along the sides of the street. Her last Christmas in New York with Joey. The snow was about to bury them both if they didn't act right then and there.
“I cherish every moment I have with you,” he repeated; and he leaned in for an embrace upon her lips. Sweet and soft, like molten dark chocolate; warm and silken, like the cup of Mexican hot chocolate that she had made for Cliff that one morning. For the first time in a year, everything reminded her of Cliff, but at the same time, it reminded her of Joey. Something new, something unique, something completely different than what she had known before.
He held back and gazed right into her face.
“I wish you didn't have to leave,” he told her.
“I wish I didn't, either,” she confessed, and she couldn't resist the tears in her eyes. “What do you want to give me, by the way?”
“Just that,” he whispered to her. “The only thing in the car here is my guitar. And yeah—it's officially my guitar now.”
She brought her lips to his again. They didn't need any mistletoe to believe it between them.
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Mage of Light
Well, now. Isn’t this quite an interesting situation? A Mage of Light giving the analysis, the story, the tale of their struggles and triumphs, of the Mage of Light? Granted, this was inevitable, much like how this will happen again with the Sylph of Life analysis. However, this one has come far quicker than the other one, and so it begs the question as to whether this will be a callout post about the socially anxious host themself, or if it will be another general look at the Classpect known as the Mage of Light? In a way, it will be a little bit of both, as bias and anecdotal scenarios will be an obvious thing that may pop up throughout this analysis. Whether it relates to the narrator of this piece, or to the general population of Mages of Light, will be up to your own imagination. Now, let’s end the theatrics and get ready to gaze into the scarring heat that us Mages of Light are known to look upon for guidance, reassurance, and, of course, the answers to all the questions we have.
It has always been rather fitting for the Aspect symbol for Light to be that of the Sun, at least personally speaking. From a very young age, we are advised to never look directly at the Sun, as its rays are bright and its light a burning hot. This is a good piece of advice for the literal Sun that the planet rotates around, but what about the more symbolic or metaphysical Sun? What about the children who are told to not look too deeply into the symbolism, the meaning, the message hidden behind the letters so elegantly carved into a book? After all, children are naturally curious and are capable of absorbing so much knowledge and rarely, if ever, seem to be satisfied with what they have. Many people talk about their own “phases” where they were fully dedicated to learning as much as they could about something. Pirates, Ancient Egypt, Dragons, Folklore, the Medieval Era, and so many more things. For the most part, parents do often encourage this curiosity that so naturally comes with being a child. Except, for some parents, it is a more conditional encouragement. Telling a child they may not know what or where their Christmas or Birthday presents are is a normal restriction upon a child’s knowledge. That is now what is being alluded to here. No, this is about the parents who blind their children from knowledge that may cause the child to be smarter and more tolerant than their parent, or have their child be more aware of the more horrific and taboo things in this world - the privileges that they may have. Little do their parent’s know how strong the curiosity of a child can be.
As a child, the Mage of Light would at least somewhat be, if not most definitely exactly, like this. While children are naturally curious, the young Mage of Light is someone who is constantly asking the questions, always trying to understand, never being satisfied with the answers they are given, and despising when someone - especially adults - hide things from them. Light-bound at their worst are known to be rather fussy, and if anyone is to perfectly encapsulate such a feeling, it would be a young Mage of Light being told they are forbidden from seeking out the knowledge and answers to a burning question of theirs. Tantrums and overall meltdowns are most definitely a mark of a younger Mage of Light, while later on in the Mage’s life, this contempt for being kept in the dark would show itself more as outright rebellion and sometimes even aggression, physical or otherwise. Much like the Mage of Void, the Mage of Light would be one who will grow into a person that will stop at nothing until they get the answers they want. Out of all the Mages, the Mage of Light is one who is more than ready to bash their head against a wall - metaphorically or otherwise - over and over, especially if it means they will finally come to answer or epiphany. They are born with the never-ending, forever-gnawing hunger to know and learn, and if no one will teach them properly, then they will happily teach themself.
Due to this way of life, it could be argued that the Mage of Light is one where their journey to knowledge and understanding begins as soon as they are born. However, that is only partially correct. While the Mage of Light is indeed someone who, in their early life, believes themself to be stranded in a vast ocean of knowledge - a Mage of Light’s true dream, really. However, what is important to keep in mind is what was mentioned earlier: that those now older, typically adults, will often look back at their learning “phases”, wherein they dedicated themself to only one or few topics of knowledge. Don’t think or believe for a moment that school is a place where their journey begins. Goodness, no. If anything, school is where the suffering of the Mage of Light begins - especially those who have their journey follow the path of seeking out knowledge of knowledge. However, that is for later on this analysis.
The Mage of Light, after leaving childhood, may know quite a lot about the (literal) ocean and the life within it, perhaps they know the entire history of all the wonderful European Folktales meant to startle children, or they dedicated themself to learn how to knit, cross-stitch, and sew, as well as the history of it. It’s hard to tell exactly when their journey does truly begin, as it can vary from Mage of Light to Mage of Light. One thing is most certain, though, when it comes to a common thread seen throughout all Mages of Light: their Aspect has not only revealed itself in its most purest form to the Mage, leaving them scarred from the encounter, but it has left something in the Mage of Light waiting to be awakened. That something is the hunger for more knowledge than what they already have. You see, what the Mage has been truly missing is the true mass, the entire volume, in which Light envelopes the world around them. After all, Light-bound are meant to be those who seek out knowledge of anything - even if it is something that would have been better left unlearned. As the Mage of Light enters a moment in their life where their parents cannot protect the Mage as much as they wish they could, and it is now up to them to make the decision of whether they seek out knowledge of something or not. Later on in the Mage of Light’s life, they will truly have to face the plasma heat of the Sun, and will finally realize why it is unwise to dance atop fresh ashes and burning coals.
Much like the Seer of Light, though, the Mage of Light poses another intriguing puzzle with their Classpect. The Mage of Light is one who actively seeks out knowledge of or through Light, there is no doubt there. What is interesting is that this basically boils down to someone seeking out knowledge of or through Knowledge, enlightenment, academics, and more. It seems like an almost obvious thing, and perhaps even redundant to say such a long-winded statement of “one who actively seeks out knowledge of or through knowledge”. While the latter half claiming it is rather redundant to say that makes a good point, it is also a rather brilliant and key difference to make between the two groups of Mages of Light. There are the Mages of Light who actively seek out knowledge through Light, wherein they have a journey far more like that of a chain, or like a spelunker who always manages to find holes, crevices, and cliffs that allow for them to go deeper and deeper into the Earth. While the knowledge they learned as a child may not be too helpful for a more “real” life, this curious passion and research may cause a spark to appear somewhere off in Mage of Light’s, close or otherwise.
Have you ever discovered a topic that has sent off the wonderful, serotonin-filled surges through your brain? No matter how obscure or mainstream it is, the brain - your brain - has processed that information enough to latch onto it like that of a long lost friend, relative, or lover. “More,” your brain tells you, “I want- no. I need more of this. More. More. More.” It’s a droning sound in your head, that four letter word being repeated over and over until, finally, you give in and seek out more knowledge of this topic. All there is to be found on it: every Wikipedia article, every theory, every documentary, every book, all of it, if only to keep your head quiet- but wait. What was that sentence you just read? It mentions something - or someone - that you do not know about nor ever heard of. Context is suddenly lost on you and you can feel as your brain begins to toss and turn within your skull like it is a coffin of calcium. Most people would shrug it off and continue reading, writing, research - but not you. No. You are a Mage of Light who has gone down the path of seeking out knowledge through Light - a chain forged from the brightest and hottest flame, and you are the blacksmith creating it. It never, ever seems to end, though, as every piece of information you take, every link you click on, everything leads down further and further down these rabbit holes. Until, eventually, you will discover that not only do you not know how to go back, that you are completely lost, but that all of these rabbit holes are connected and all lead to the same, fiery den. By the time you realize this, though, chances are that it will be too late to go back as you will find yourself in the chamber of the Sun, and it is simply too painfully beautiful to look away from. So you don’t. Even if you feel your eyes tearing up at how brightly it truly burns. You dare not look away, though, for you know deep down that this, this, is the most purest knowledge you could have ever discovered through Light and countless, sleepless nights. It is so gorgeous that you swear you might even go mad and lose yourself within its beauty.
Then there are the Mages of Light who simply seek out knowledge of Light. Chances are this is the one that brings most people to start scratching their heads. After all, isn’t this simply seeking out knowledge, point blank? Isn’t it? Wouldn’t it be great if it was just that easy? No, unfortunately this is the path in which the Mage of Light becomes knowledgeable of the fact that knowledge is all around them, not just in the form of objects, but also from the people around them. Most importantly, though, they will realize that a lot of this knowledge is painfully biased, disgustingly muddled in a game of telephone, and that a lot of it is just plain wrong. They are the ones who, unfortunately, will often know the facts and correct answers to a wide variety of topics. Whether it is something as obscure as the history and lore of bigfoot sightings, or as well known as World War 2 and all the intricacies within it, the Mage of Light is one who has already sought the knowledge of these things. However, due to the nature of so many Mages, they are often rather reluctant to open up and share their knowledge with others - especially in regards to the people they do not like. Mages can be rather petty, indeed, and are not afraid to taunt their enemies about the knowledge they have, waving it in front of the disliked person’s face like that of a carrot to a goat. Sometimes, the Mage of Light won’t even reveal that they have the answers to some people’s question, and instead leave them to continue spouting false truths. If the Mage of Light is especially vicious, they will inform everyone who not only knows their enemy but that the Mage trusts greatly, about the real knowledge and facts of whatever story their enemy is speaking. Oftentimes this is only for the Mages amusement of knowing that they and everyone they trust is in the know of what is true, while watching those they hate continue to fumble around in the dark - lost, confused, yet infuriatingly cocky that they know where they are going.
The main suffering of these Mages of Light is that of being so knowledgeable on so many different things, yet so few people ever bother to listen or take the Mage at face value. It’s the suffering of having the weight of hundreds of textbooks, papers, recordings, files, and so many other forms of knowledge all pressing down on one’s mind. It’s the suffering of knowing how many ignorant and unaware people there are roaming the world, sometimes even within the Mage’s own life and inner circle. They actively seek out knowledge of not just simple knowledge, but rather what other people view as their own knowledge. If the Mage is lucky, then someone or something will give them valuable knowledge to hold onto and maintain - adding it to their large, mental library that they have built over the years. However, as is more often the case than not, the Mage will encounter someone who holds knowledge so wrong and tainted that it often can drag the Mage down from whatever happy mood they may have been feeling. Depending on how truly bad this tainted knowledge is, the Mage of Light will do whatever it takes to try and set the facts straight and prove to the other person or party that they are wrong. Whether this comes in the form of polite corrections or downright red-faced yelling and screaming at the person - or, if pushed hard enough, physically aggressive constructive criticism - or somewhere in between, it would be best to be careful to spout off any false ideas labeled as facts and truths when around the Mage of Light, especially if they do not appear to be in a good mood. After all, they are someone who has a large umbrella of knowledge, and it is one they are not afraid to bludgeon proper knowledge into an ignorant person’s skull.
The Mage of Light is someone who can be seen as an unremarkable genius - unrelenting in their pursuit of knowledge and understanding. Even if such determination may be viewed in an unflattering light, the Mage of Light may not exactly care, as everything they do is for the sake of learning all that is available to them, as well as understanding the world they live in and the people that reside within it. Chances are, though, that being in the presence of the Mage of Light is quite a rare occurrence. This is mostly because Mages of Light are some of the most dedicated of all the Light-bounds when it comes to their Aspect. They are willing to throw themself into the molten, searing rays of the Sun - of knowledge - for many reasons. Ranging from getting to know all there is to know about one of their favorite people, characters, shows, or other interests, to simply wanting to see, know, and/or understand what it is like to experience a certain situation that has always intrigued them. Because of this, while the Mage of Light is a dedicated student, they are also someone who often ignores their own health and wellbeing for the sake of more knowledge. If they are not careful, then this can lead to not only mental suffering for the Mage, but also physical and social suffering, as well. Those who have managed to befriend a Mage of Light may be all too familiar at the sight of seeing their message having been left on read, or sometimes having never even been opened at all. Once the Mage of Light finds themself truly enveloped in the webbing of a particular interest or topic, it may be quite a long time before anyone sees or hears from the Mage of Light again. Because of this, those within the Mage’s social circle may need to take on the extra task of checking in and meddling with the Mage of Light’s business. 
While Mages so often attract people of similar minds towards them, this may bring great displeasure to the Mage of Light at many points in their life. They hate rereading the same book over and over, after all, and so if they sense one person or the overall relationship to be all too similar to a previous one, then chances are they will often pay little mind to these people and instead continue on their work. If no one has any knowledge to offer the Mage, then they will simply not bother with this person. However, deep down, the Mage of Light would love to have a few companions in their life, if only to share with them all of the discoveries they have made and have someone listen as they rant, ramble, and rave on about all they have learned, as well as all the ignorant people they have had to unfortunately encounter. The Mage of Light is like that of a pendulum, constantly swinging from one side to another, causing people to never exactly knowing what to expect when it comes to speaking with the Mage of Light. One thing is for certain, though, and it is that when the Mage of Light is caught in a good mood, they can be one of the kindest, most non-judgemental, and warmest people to be around. If they are feeling especially kind, then they can also be someone who shares their great amounts of knowledge and wisdom onto those they truly care about and trust. 
Mages of Light are those who should rarely, if ever, be questioned on whether they truly know what they are talking about. Much like their Passive counterpart, the Mage of Light is one where, after gaining great strides in their journey, they can become a borderline all-knowing entity if they so desired. They go after knowledge wherever they can sniff and claw it out, and as such is someone who poses themself to be the most valuable ally and friend to have, as well as being the most dangerous and largest foe one could make. There would be no point in fighting a fully awakened Mage of Light - at least not physically. They already know every possible move you could make, and they are well prepared and knowledgeable on how to counteract it. Amongst their other powers is that of seeing all there is to know in the present and the future, but rarely ever the past. If it is not transcribed in some fashion, then the past is one of the biggest weak points for the Mage of Light, as it is something that has already come to pass and therefore becomes an unreliable source of knowledge. There will always be blindspots, even to the most powerful Mage of Light, and it is these blindspots that bring all Mages of Light great suffering and anger. These blindspots are more often than not that of the Void-bound - people who manage to find ways to flicker out and hide away from the harsh rays of the Sun. Many Mages of Light find these people to be perplexing, and sometimes downright infuriating, in more ways than one. When the Mage of Light finds that they cannot gain knowledge from something, they may be quick to deem it as worthless or unreliable, and in the case of people, might see them as possible threats and adversaries.
There are some Mages of Light who may try to escape and run away from their Aspect, finding themselves incapable of withstanding all of this knowledge. It will be with great fear in their hearts when they find that there is no escaping something as grand as Light, The Sun, and knowledge. It is everywhere we go, and once someone has opened their eyes and truly looked upon its burning answers, it is something that cannot be so easily ignored. If the Mage of Light is going to expose themself to a source of knowledge, they will be damned if they are not going to try their very best to understand its intricacies. Even if trying over and over again brings them even more suffering, it is better than to suffer in silence as their brain claws at the inside of their skull and the yearnful hunger gnaws away at them from the inside. The Mage of Light is driven to know all there is, was, and will be, and whether they are willing to play dirty or not simply depends on who the Mage of Light truly is. Mages of Light are truly some of the most brilliant people, but it is truly up to them whether they decide to use their knowledge for good, and share it with others, or if they decide to be cruel, and use it to twist the arms of people and bend the rules of whatever game they have been placed within. No matter what, though, Mages of Light are the ones who dared to look at the Sun when very few others could. Not only did they stare at it, but they challenged it to that of a staring contest, and instead of losing the game and their eyesight, these Mages instead rose above everyone else and were gifted with the greatest weapon anyone could ask for, and one only they can truly understand how to wield properly: Knowledge.
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lunewell · 3 years
Text
The Norwegian Mermaid Association - Part 1
Word count: 1816
Written for MerMay
No TW or CW
Can also be read on Wattpad here
This is a little story I’ve been working on for MerMay, about an actual historical association that operated from 1963-1989. It ended up being rather long, so I split it into two parts, but here is the first instalment (:
Though safely placed a good distance away from the raging waves, the room of sailors and wives smelt overwhelmingly like fresh salt water and newly caught fish. Not that Morten could complain too much, as being served something other than fish and bread was a welcome change, even if it meant being enclosed in a tiny, wooden, scarcely-furnished room with 12 others.
“Doesn't she make the most divine food?” Leif commented to the others, who had creatively spread themselves on any available surface, be it the arm of the worn, uncomfortable chair, or squeezed tightly on the sheepskin covered couch. A chorus of sounds of agreement and nods, made Leif grin widely. He turned to his darling wife: “We should do this every time we return home from sea.” It was said with a semi- teasing smile, his blue eyes crinkled up.
“That’s a great idea, darling,” Hilde responded, tone matching his as she placed a pale hand on his shoulder, “I can’t wait to see you help me make the food!”
“... on second thought, perhaps once a season is more than enough.”
A light laughter came from the room, especially from Hans, Petter, and Kari, who- judging by their empty glasses and off-balanced movements- had already indulged themselves plenty in the alcohol department. Morten smiled too, appreciating the warm atmosphere of the room, and the ease and welcomeness that had swivelled itself within the smells of the ocean.
As not only the youngest but also the newest of the fishermen, he had originally been sceptical of the idea of attending the dinner party, having neither any sort of social smoothness nor a wife to bring with. Not that he wanted a wife, necessarily, as he had never quite considered himself the type.
However, the temptation of shelter and food (and, let’s be honest, the crippling loneliness), had lured him in like a sirens call into Leif’s and Hilde’s warm little wooden house. Lucky for him, it seemed that the others had a sort of strong kinship and bond that let him mostly sit back and observe the others laughing and talking, rather than needing to actively engage in the conversation himself.
“You really do have a God given gift as a housewife, Hilde,” said Ine- or was it Ina? No, definitely Ine, “We at the Norweagian Mermaid Association are so lucky to have someone like you.”
Morten almost spat out his water, ice blue eyes shot wide open. For what was the first time that night, he spoke, in a soft confused tone: “the… Mermaid Association?” He blinked owlishly, face warming up as all eyes- most that same blue colour- met his.
Anne was the first to realise where his confusion stemmed from: “oh dear,” she said, lips curled in an amused smile, “it’s not actually about mermaids. It’s the name of our women’s group, fighting for the rights of wives of seamen everywhere!”
“Oh,” Morten said, sheepishly, “that… uh, makes more sense. Odd name choice, though, considering historically mermaids were dangerous creatures, in line with trolls.”
“Names ‘cause we’re pretty as mermaids,” Kari said, hair messy and a slight slur to her words, “sing ‘s nice ‘s them, too. And-”
“Know a lot about mermaids, Morten?” Thomas interrupted, before Kari could go on her second drunken ramble of the night. Morten twiddled his thumbs, leaning back in the wooden chair and further into the corner, taking another sip from his glass before he answered.
“Yes. Always loved folklore as a child, be it trolls, Nokken, or mermaids,” he turned his head to look out the dirty window and into the fiery sky that implied a stormy morning, “when I was younger, I would dream about swimming around with a beautiful tail. Of course, silly dreams were all it ever was.”
“If there’s one thing I’ve learnt from my years on the ocean,” Thomas began, “it’s that there are a lot of unknown things in the water, and what seems like sailor stories, might be closer to reality than what’s comfortable.”
“The old man had a point,” Hilde said with a smile, auburn hair swaying as she nodded.
“You’re not so far from 50 yourself,” he scoffed, earning him smiles and a series of teasing that Morten sat comfortably back and watched, glad to have the attention of him again. It was almost hard to believe that Hilde was 50, as her wrinkles were few, and her sea green eyes were still bright and filled with wonder. Though, Morten thought, perhaps it was simply the flickering candle light hiding secrets in its shadows.
The crimson evening stretched to a cloud covered night, moon shining dimly into the wooden house and the candle lights darting brightly around them. Kari, Petter, Thomas, and Inne had already left, leaving only Anne and Hans-, who, from what he had picked up had sons old enough that they needn’t return til long, himself, and the keepers of the house; Leif and Hilde.
Morten was certainly not at his prime. The exhaustion from the previous weeks on sea had really begun to take a toll; his dark brown hair was sticking out, his eyes were bagged, and he had very quickly moved himself to the brown sofa covered in sheepskin by the dancing fire in an attempt to quell the bone-deep chill that had spread through his body.
In the distance, he could hear Anne and a very, very drunk Hans giving their goodbyes, though he didn’t catch exactly what they said, as he couldn’t concentrate on the sound. In fact, he couldn’t concentrate much on anything right now, the lights blurring in his vision and the decorations around the room- from the plants to what was frankly a concerning amount of mackerel-themed objects, were swimming around him. He could feel the vice of a headache wrapping around his head like the jaws of a beast.
“Oh you poor dear,” he heard Hilde, who he hadn’t even managed to hear come in, sigh, “you look completely worn out.”
He blinked at her, willing his vision into focus. “It’s alright,” he managed to say, voice laced with drowsiness, “I was about to leave, anyway.” He reluctantly got up, gripping his pounding head as black spots entered his vision.
“In this state? Absolutely not,” Hilde protested, already pulling out a drawer to fetch what looked like a warm blanket, “no point in putting a young man like yourself needlessly in danger. This couch is plenty big enough for you.” She threw him a soft, wolly blanket woven in the pattern of a mackerel tail, the strength of the throw making it very clear she was not up for protest.
And even if he had foolishly attempted to protest her motherly instincts, she kept speaking. “Feel free to get some water if you’re thirsty- there’s glasses in the rightmost top cupboard,” she said, before making her way to what Morten assumed was the bedroom. “Goodnight, sleep well.”
There was something in her tone, almost sing-song like, that made him instantly relax and believe that he would, in fact, sleep well that night. It wasn’t long before she had blown out the last candles, smoke being added to the interesting concoction of scents, that he felt the serenity of night, calm as a pond, make him sink into the deep waters of sleep.
————————————
True to Hilde’s words, he slept better than he had in months, being awakened not in a rush like he usually was, but by the sound of rhythmic but hammering rain on the windows. He rubbed his eyes, stretching out and getting rid of the last remaining signs of his journey into the watery abyss. Looking out the window, he saw that true to his prediction, the morning was dark and stormy, thick clouds and heavy rain laying on a sheet that made it hard to see much of anything. Welcome to Stavanger, he thought almost fondly, well used to the city's frankly abysmal weather, only rivalled by a few Vestland cities, most notably Bergen.
He got up from the couch, and glanced at the clock; almost nine. Though comparatively late to when he usually got up, it seemed that Leif had been more exhausted than he let on, as Morten could easily hear his snores from the thin walls. In fact, listening closer, Morten could hear a lot from the thin walls; he could hear the angry seas, he could hear the sounds of talking crowds not too far away, and oddly enough, what sounded like singing.
Melodic, gorgeous, utterly encapsulating singing, sweet as wind chimes, unlike anything he had ever heard before.
In a completely uncharacteristic move, he found himself almost hypnotically making his way out the door and into the weather. Cold air whipped his cheek, but he found himself barely caring, continuing onwards even as his clothes became so soaked that they merged into his baby soft skin.
He made his way further to the coast and docks, walking past swaying trees and winding paths into the dark, wet stoney beach. By now, he was sure his lips were blue, his face wet from the rain, and yet he could not bring himself to feel anything but excitement as the sweet sounds came closer and closer.
And then, at the edge of a rock, at just the right splash zone for the sprays of crashing waves to hit him, he saw it.
Hilde, short, wavy auburn hair, big sea green, aging eyes, was laying on a rock, a mackrell's tail attached to her lower body, and blue scales sprouted across the skin of the arms she rested her head on. Her ears- inhuman, blue, and shaped like fins, perked up, and the signing stopped as she spotted him. Her expression was initially one of surprise and shock, but it washed away within seconds to a warm smile.
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Morten gaped like a trout, and stared at her. He scanned her up and down over and over again, his mind having gone completely blank in a way to try to deal with the shock. Hilde took in his expression, and laughed lightly, though he didn’t see what was particularly funny.
“Well, girls,” Hilde said, and to his minds absolute horror, several more heads of scales and weird ears, among them faces he recognised as Anne, Ine, and Kari from last night, popped out of the water, “looks like we’ll be having a guest in the meeting today”
“So,” an unfamiliar brunette with dark skin and purple scales around her eyes said, “is this yet another sailor from your man's crew that will end up with one of our kind?”
Hilde looked directly at him, her smile teasing with sharp teeth. “Oh, I don’t doubt that. But, for now, let’s get back to the matter at hand, and let the weekly meeting of the Norwegian Mermaid Association, plus 1, begin!”
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