#it's time to really make an effort to accept the truths that time changes everything and that doesn't mean that things weren't important

[truuskn]

it's so interesting to see evil done unintentionally. when a really good person makes a mistake, a serious terrible mistake, and becomes the cause of someone else's grief and pain... it's moments like this that give you a glimpse of their true nature. give you a new perspective of them. the way they try to make amends with all their might, try to justify and explain themselves, the way they suffer, regret what they have done and dream of turning everything back... life journeys like this, especially solo journeys, that's what i love. and, oh, jazz had it rough

you know, after everything cybertronians have been through it's hard to stay that way. sympathetic. after centuries of violence, brutality and fear, after endless battles and losses it's truly hard to sincerely feel compassion or guilt, hard to feel sorry for anyone but yourself. you want to be selfish, you want to finally let go of the past and live the damn life, you want to forget all your sins and enjoy the well-deserved victory, the home, the precious peace for which you went through hell. but jazz can't do that

he's done a terrible thing. he killed a human. many in his place would just accept that "little inconvenience" and move on. again against the backdrop of everything that had happened to them this event really meant nothing. a few lines in the giant book of their history. a few heavy seconds in the flow of the thousands of years of their lives. nonsense. trifle. the death of a bad person who deserved it. a cruel decision of fate. an accident beyond their control. so many ways to justify themselves! but jazz can't do that. shame for what he has done haunts him. he tries to put it aside, tries to start over, but he keeps getting pulled back, to the heat of battle, to the darkness of his former life, by the hands of those closest to him and by his own efforts. it's this event that fundamentally changed something about him. changed the way he looks at the world and himself

he can't forgive himself. he can't forget. he wakes up every night with nightmares, reliving that day and hundreds of other days over and over again. why is he reacting this way? he became a bad man a long time ago. so much blood on his hands, so many murders, so many ruined fates at his mercy, but the bitter sharp shame still stubbornly follows him. he can't move on knowing what he and his people have doomed the earth to by involving it in their conflict, he can't move on knowing that in the eyes of the earthlings they are far from heroes, far from fighters against injustice. for humans there is no much difference between an autobot and a decepticon, they are all murderers, they are all destroyers of their home. if this is his legacy, if his struggles and sacrifices have led to this outcome, doesn't that mean he's been wrong all his life? was it all for nothing? what was even the point? is the only thing he's actually good at is destruction? it can't be true. it can't stay that way!

he wants to understand what he means to others, he wants to make a difference, he's really trying, but the scary truth is... nothing will change. no matter what he does, no matter how hard he tries, there's no going back. he'll remain a monster in their eyes and he'll remain a monster in his own eyes. they won't forgive him and neither will he forgive himself. he'll have to live with that. he accepts it eventually. it will never get any easier, but he will live through it

[do-androids-dream-ao3acc]

“Someone needs to call Eddie.”

Later, no one can really say who spoke; it's like a collective thought, expressed aloud. It's almost as if those were Bobby's words, being the conscience of the 118 one last time. Bobby. 

Maybe it's the absurdity of it all, or this place. First Presbyterian, where everyone was taken—Tommy doesn't know who's responsible, who’s pulled out all the stops. Just a moment ago, they were still in military custody; somewhere out there, Hartman must be seething. Tommy tries not to think about what it all means. What it means for him, for his career. Over there sits Evan, slumped on a plastic hospital chair, and Tommy’s heart just aches looking at him. What does it mean that he reacted so quickly and in this way to a single phone call from his ex-boyfriend? Why did he jump into a helicopter without hesitation, his heart pounding a rhythm that seemed to scream, EvanEvanEvan.  

What if he risked everything for this man who doesn't even want him? But in the end, Tommy tells himself as he half-heartedly sips bad coffee from a paper cup, he did it for Howie. And Howie will be fine, they said. Well, as fine as you can be when you survive while someone else dies before your eyes. That’s a pain Tommy knows, even if it becomes dull over time. It fades, but it will never go completely. 

He looks back at Evan, who, with his hands on his knees, stares blankly at the worn linoleum floor. His hair is disheveled, as if he’d run his hands through it in despair, as people do when something is just unbelievable. Evan's cheeks are glistening, tears have carved grooves into them – deepened by dust and dirt, just as time will do. He looks incredibly young and hurt, even though outwardly everything seems fine. Nevertheless, he’s devastated. He looks… raw, as if his insides have been turned outward. Evan is an open wound, bleeding and festering, and it will remain that way for quite some time. Tommy wishes he had words for him, words that heal, that comfort, but right now he seems miles away from even reaching out his hand. 

Bobby is gone. 

Such a thought, such a truth, is impossible to fathom. Tommy blinks, even though there’s no dust in the hospital’s air. He’s quickly glancing at the white wall opposite of him, but that’s not making things better. Ravi leans against the wall, his gaze as empty as Evan's. Tommy hardly knows him, but he knows what he sees: a young man who’s lost something very precious. Somehow, Tommy’s glad it’s just the two of them, at least for now. The air in the tiny waiting room may be dust-free, but it’s filled with grief. Tangible sadness, it's like wading through smoke without knowing what lies at the end. Tommy knows, though, and his skin tingles at the mere thought of what lies ahead. Not the military and all that, he couldn't care less about that right now. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – the five stages of grief. No one tells you that they don't necessarily follow a linear path; it's not a checklist that your body and mind have to work through. But they will work through it, all of them.

It’s a bit of comfort to think that none of them will have to be alone. Especially not Athena – Tommy can only vaguely imagine how she must feel right now. He glances at Evan, who looks like he has no tears left, but that's not true; it's never true. He'll cry until it chokes him, maybe until he’ll throw up, and he won’t feel better afterwards. Evan has lost someone who meant more to him than his own father. It's another feeling that Tommy can't quite comprehend. Athena, however, has lost a piece of her life. It’s a wound that will take a lot of effort to heal, if ever. Bobby will leave a scar on all of them, even on Tommy: one of the scars that hurt when the seasons change. The unshed tears behind Tommy's own eyes sting painfully. This is a pain he understands. And maybe, one day, he'll tell Evan about it. 

Evan clutches the seat of his chair, his knuckles white. But only with one hand. The other is picking at a small cut on his chin; he’s scratched off some fresh scab, it’s bleeding. Tommy switches off his brain, not for the first time that day, puts the disgusting and now cold coffee on a small table and moves over to him. 

“Evan,” he says softly, “stop that. You need to stop that.”

Evans' eyes are red and heartbreakingly empty as he looks at him.

“Stop what?” he asks, the bitter tone in his voice cutting into Tommy's heart. “B-Bobby is... damn it, Tommy.”

What is there to say? Tommy's heart is crying out, I know, honey, I know, but he can't say it out loud. There’s not a single word to comfort Evan now, is there? So he says nothing. He simply takes Evans' hand, gently guides it away from his face, while he searches for a handkerchief in his pockets with his other hand. There's nothing there except a cleaning rag; he's still in his turnouts. That thing probably isn't very clean, but what’s their motto? Who cares. Gently, he pushes a somewhat smooth edge of the tissue against the cut in Evan’s chin. 

Somehow, it brings some life back into the man; a simple little gesture, but Evan stirs – in the worst possible way. Tommy recognizes the signs, he sees the sparkle in those sky-blue eyes that he never wanted to see so sad. Then, at first it's just his hands, Evan starts to shake. Like someone who’s been thrown out naked in the cold, realizing that the door is closed forever, shivers rattle his entire body. He lifts his head to look at Tommy, it feels like there’s something breaking inside Tommy, too. The part of him that was reserved for Bobby is already in ruins. But the part of him that belongs only to Evan, even if he doesn't know it... 

“Tommy,” Evan stammers, and all he can reply is, “I know.”

He's not prepared for Evan to throw himself into his arms, wrapping around him like Tommy’s his last lifeline. 

“Stay,” Evan says, trembling, his eyes wide open. 

Tommy wouldn't leave now, he wouldn’t leave anybody in this state, especially not Evan. He clears his throat, grief weighs heavy on his vocal cords. But Evan needs an answer, and Tommy has only one. 

“Of course… Evan. As long as you need me.”

It’s a promise.

[thanks to @li-nox for you know what!][Sorry not edited due to time issues][All my BuckTommy on AO3]

[adilynnyuri]

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(ﾉ≧∀≦)ﾉ ‥…━━━★ MASTERLIST [PT. 01 ] FOR Y'ALL HOTTIES 🍥🎀

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⚠️ Some posts are older ones in which I wasn't that well-known about manifestation and may contain some limiting beliefs! If you see anything you don't like or relate just avoid it!

My first ever post which is just perfect 😭

🍥just like the sun and the moon!

┍━━━━━━━»•» 🌷 «•«━┑

🎀 RAMPAGE !

🍥 overthinking positively

🍥zero efforts and I still WIN

🍥 vaunt coz my life is getting better

🍥 just easy like that!

🍥 oh! SHE'S THAT GIRL😭💋

🍥 LAUGH AT THE UNDESIRED CIRCUMSTANCES

🍥 self concept

🍥 miss me?

🍥 stubbornness

🍥 side effects of being perfectionist

🍥WHATEVER I DO IS TOP TIER

🍥 I AM THE EXAMPLE THAT MIRACLES ARE REAL

🍥IT'S ALREADY DONE.

🍥 I manifested every shit

🍥 EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!

🍥 I just realized how perfect I am

🍥 LOGIC? IN THE TRASH!

┕━»•» 🌷 «•«━━━━━━━┙

⭐LIVING IN THE END!

🍥 how to live in the end and what is it?

┕━»•» 🌷 «•«━━━━━━━┙

┍━━━━━━━»•» 🌷 «•«━┑

🍓 MANIFESTING SP!

🍥 two people manifesting same sp? WHO GIVES A FUCK. THEY ARE YOURS.

🍥 sp is yours. THEY ARE CURSED TO BE YOURS.

🍥 tips?

🍥 two people manifesting same sp[celebrity] ? (Yes same question as first one and same answer but i added coz why not lol)

🍥 MANIFESTING DP WHO KNOWS MANIFESTATION + 3P (THIRD PERSON)

┕━»•» 🌷 «•«━━━━━━━┙

💮 MULTIPLE SP's !

🍥 manifesting multiple sp

┕━»•» 🌷 «•«━━━━━━━┙

🍧 CHALLENGES/EXPERIMENTS!

🍥 7 days challenge

🍥 REPETITION CHALLENGE

┕━»•» 🌷 «•«━━━━━━━┙

🎨 NOTHING NEW.

🍥 you are the creator

┕━»•» 🌷 «•«━━━━━━━┙

┍━━━━━━━»•» 🌷 «•«━┑

🎞 ALL YOU EVER NEED PT. 1

(Divided into three parts!)

🍥 basically advanced mindset

🍥 GOD/GODDESS ROUTINE

🍥 God mindset

🍥 ACCEPTANCE

🍥 SATISFACTION

🍥 Customizable mindset

🍥 manifesting "bigger" Stuffs

🍥 life on easy mode

🍥 TIME DOES NOT MATTER

🍥 TIME ISN'T REAL

🍥 REVISING

🍥 MAKING MANIFESTION SIMPLE

🍥 being delusional and getting everything

🍥 how to "deal" With anxiety, anger or jealousy

🍥 When in doubt what to do?

🍥 "big stuffs"

┕━»•» 🌷 «•«━━━━━━━┙

┍━━━━━━━»•» 🌷 «•«━┑

🎞 ALL YOU EVER NEED PT. 2

🍥 motivation

🍥 how to "ignore" 3d

🍥 what to do if you don't get results??

🍥 blanket affirmations

🍥 all about manifestation!

🍥 time crunch

🍥 rewriting your life!

🍥 PERSISTENCE = KEY

🍥 Ruling your reality

🍥 IT'S MINE BECAUSE I SAID SO!

🍥 What to do if 3d is delaying??

🍥 What is transition period?

🍥 developing self concept!

🍥 placebo effect

🍥 revision

🍥 Making it simple!

┕━»•» 🌷 «•«━━━━━━━┙

┍━━━━━━━»•» 🌷 «•«━┑

ALL YOU EVER NEED PT. 3🎞

🍥 MONEYYYYYYY

🍥 wanna give up? Don't give up. Simple.

🍥 beauty and confidence!

🍥Panicking for what??

┕━»•» 🌷 «•«━━━━━━━┙

┍━━━━━━━»•» 🌷 «•«━┑

🩰 BEAUTY & YOUR PERFECT LIFESTYLE

🍥 south Asian beauty

🍥 CLASSIC HOTTIE

🍥 spoiled

🍥 manifesting physical appearance changes

🍥 Perfect smile + no smile lines affirmations!

┕━»•» 🌷 «•«━━━━━━━┙

┍━━━━━━━»•» 🌷 «•«━┑

❗ REMINDER

🍥 self concept to boost your ass

🍥 subconscious has no eyes. It's a damn bitch controlled by YOU. YOU DECIDE.

🍥 beliefs and opinions!

🍥 fated to win

🍥 unbelievable manifestations really??

🍥 LIE & TRUTH.

🍥 Limitless

🍥 STOP RESTRICTING YOURSELF!

🍥 Notes

┕━»•» 🌷 «•«━━━━━━━┙

┍━━━━━━━»•» 🌷 «•«━┑

🏊🏻‍♀️ FUN WAYS TO MANIFEST!

🍥 Do stuffs you love and get your manifestations too!

┍━━━━━━━»•» 🌷 «•«━┑

⭐ DO IT LIKE SERIES!

🍥 Do it like JENNIE!

🍥 Do it like MIN YOONGI!

🍥 Do it like JUNG HOSEOK!

🍥 Do it like RIHANNA!

🍥 Do it like SONG JIA!

🍥 Do it like JANG WONYOUNG!

┕━»•» 🌷 «•«━━━━━━━┙

┍━━━━━━━»•» 🌷 «•«━┑

🍪NEW YEAR NEW ME SERIES :

🍥 PHASE 01

🍥 PHASE 02

🍥 PHASE 03

🍥 PHASE 04

🍥 PHASE 05

┕━»•» 🌷 «•«━━━━━━━┙

┍━━━━━━━»•» 🌷 «•«━┑

🌷 My own success stories!

🍥 IMAGINARY PEOPLE? NAH NOW THEY ARE RIYAL🗣️

🍥 Didn't expect but ain't surprised ahh success story

🍥 HOW I MANIFESTED MY SP WHO LIVES FAR AWAY FROM ME!

🍥 For me and also for others!

🍥 My man again

🍥 my cousin sista's success

🍥 I WANT IT I GOT IT (SP)

🍥 My man is just obsessed with me

┕━»•» 🌷 «•«━━━━━━━┙

With lots of love,

ADILYNN YURI🤍🌷

[cobaltperun]

Eternal Flame (13) - Black Friday

Jenna Ortega x Female Reader

Summary: For her it’s a passion, for you it’s an accident. And as she continues shining brighter and brighter with each role you are left mesmerized, drawn to her flame and cherishing every time she lets herself be vulnerable with you.

Spotify playlist

Masterlist / First Part / Previous part / Next Part

Word Count: 5.7k

-I wanna be happy, could you show me how it's done?-

When Hugh took you to Ethiopia you didn't think you would be spending half the day raking leaves with him. “I thought we were on a vacation,” you said roughly four hours into the manual labor he's been putting you through. Granted, he was right there with you, doing the same thing, so at least that made it fair to an extent. His kids and wife smartly avoided this activity and were in a warm house, drinking coffee and getting to know the locals.

“No harm in some work,” Hugh figured, getting up and wincing as he straightened his back. Oh yeah, he was several decades older than, you frankly you were almost sorry for him right now. “We'll sleep a lot better tonight.”

You did have troubles sleeping, so maybe that’s what he was trying to do.

“Yeah, that's right. Keep finding the positive in everything. I’ll ask you what you think tomorrow, when it turns out that your back is hurting, because you couldn't let a twenty-year-old do a better job than you,” and stupidly you got competitive as well. At least you did things a lot faster since you both wanted to see which one of you could do the job faster and better. As it turns out, being young did have advantages in this particular situation.

“I let you win,” he said as he leaned on the rake, but not too hard though, as you were both afraid that leaning on them properly might make them snap, and that would be an embarrassing way to fall to the ground.

You rolled your eyes, amused by his refusal to accept loss with grace. “So, what's really the point of all this? You've had me working, had me meditating, hell, nearly roped me into doing yoga with you. Come on, spill it,” you said once you began making your way back to the shed to leave the raked before going back to where Deb and Hugh’s kids were.

“You really should try yoga though,” he was trying to change the subject, to avoid answering your question and you just turned to face him, meeting his eyes and just studying him for a moment. And then he slumped slightly, giving in to your silent demand. “I'm trying to keep you occupied, I guess, not sure if that will do any good, but we might as well start somewhere.”

The expression on your face softened as Hugh said that. You could have figured as much. “You're being ridiculous, but I appreciate it,” the truth was that you probably didn't have any idea how to approach what you were feeling and going through either, and he was just scrambling to try and do something. He was making an effort while hoping that maybe one of those things would work for you, and some were actually working.

The first few days he had to pull you to sit down and meditate with him, but this morning you sat down next to him all on your own. For what it was worth you did appreciate spending ten minutes purely on yourself, being in no rush to do anything, feeling no pressure, having no deep thoughts plaguing your mind. It was just ten minutes, and in that brief period of time you could take a moment and relax. Somehow, starting the day like that was good for you, it was making you feel calm at the start of the day instead of tense as you usually were.

And despite the occasional joking complaints you made about the vacation turning into a glorified test of your stamina, you enjoyed yourself. You were gaining a new perspective on life in general, something to help you look at things from a different point of view. And throughout all of that the ring hanging from your neck brushed against your skin and reminded you that at the end of the day this all had to be worth it.

~X~

There has never been a January this miserable in Jenna's life, filled with so much despair and sorrow and exhausting conversations with her family. All of them, mostly her parents, but also her siblings, aside from Aliyah who saw how she was at the airport, were repeating that you weren't good for her. Repeating that she was like this because of you, that she was difficult to talk to, that she was miserable, that she had a short temper and wasn't pleasant to be around, all because of you.

Eventually she just packed her bag and went back to LA, cutting her family time short, because she could no longer take constantly hearing that. The worst thing about it was that it was getting to her head, and she feared that when, and if, she ever got the chance to see you again, that all those words her family kept repeating would end up reaching her. That the moment she saw you that she would start thinking whatever she had with you wasn't worth losing the support of her family.

And yet, as conflicted as she felt, she still often found herself with your shirt close to her and with your jacket around her shoulders as she went and did some small tasks all around her house. She couldn't quite wear it, the sleeves were too long for her, so she just tied the sleeves around her neck and went about her day. She was all alone so who cared if she looked a bit ridiculous.

From what Barbara told her, and she knew Barbara was only giving her the bare bones as far as the information went, you finished filming in Italy and went on a vacation with Hugh and his family. And despite everything Jenna almost felt bitter, thinking you moved on, that you decided to keep living your life with or without her in it, while she was here, having her world falling apart. If it turned out this between you couldn’t be fixed, then yeah, both of you had every right to move on. She just felt, in despair, that you did it way too quickly.

Her doorbell rang just as she finished washing the few dishes she used for her lunch, and she took your jacket off and hung it on the chair before going to her front door. Enrique said he would drop by, and this had to be him, and sure enough when she looked through the camera in front of her apartment building's front door she found him standing there. Jenna quickly opened the door and the front door of her apartment for him, and he came inside, meeting her in the hallway and she just hugged him soon as he was close enough.

“There, there, it's OK, you can cry,” he told her. By now he knew more or less what happened. He didn't know why you began fighting in the first place but he knew everything else. And while she could allow herself to cry in front of him Jenna honestly didn't have any tears left to shed, she spent so many nights crying herself to sleep that she was just tired of crying.

She let go of him and smiled a bit. “Let's just sit down. Do you want something to eat or drink? Anything?” Enrique just brushed her off, showing her he brought hot chocolate to go along, and Jenna was thankful for the a bit of thoughtfulness from someone who cared about her.

“Y/N’s jacket?” Enrique pointed at the jacket hanging from her chair as Jenna sat down.

She nodded. “I miss her,” she confessed softly. You weren’t talking and that was only making things worse right now. “But I don’t think my parents will ever accept her.”

Enrique leaned back in his chair. “Well, I'm here to fix that,” Enrique promised her, and somehow, she believed him. “So, how about you fill me in on the things I don't know,” he asked, and Jenna began. She told him everything she knew, that your parents were in an accident, were left in a coma and that you needed money. That you sold your apartment and that it still wasn't enough, so you went and got involved in a fight club. She told him all of that, and that it wasn't enough, that your parents couldn't be saved, and that you then, despite no longer having to fight, went and fought again, and Enrique just sat there listening taking it all in.

“You know, and this might just be me, but I think it's beautiful. You know, what she did,” his words took her by surprise, she had no idea how he could even come to that conclusion. You went and you hurt people, and you let others hurt you for money. How could that have been beautiful in any way? “Now, hear me out, I know how it sounds. But think about it. Y/N loved her parents so much that she didn't care what she had to endure to try and save them, she didn't get involved in that out of greed or a desire to hurt people, she went and fought because that was her only hope.”

Jenna just sat there, taking his words in. She hadn’t even thought about it that way, in her mind and in her entire family's opinion there was no excuse for what you did, there was nothing but violence in it, even if they understood the circumstances. Well, at least for the period while your parents were in a coma, and you were fighting for them.

“Just think about how much you would have to love someone to be sixteen and willingly go through so much pain, just for a slim chance that you could save that someone you love. Jenna, I've seen the way she looks at you, and you've seen it too. Your parents worry she would end up hurting you one day, but the way I see it there is a good chance she's the person you'll be safest with,” it felt like everything she thought she knew and everything she thought she felt was thrown on its head and changed in an instant. Like there was suddenly some kind of light shining through the clouds and making her see things differently.

“She went back, Enrique,” she fell back on repeating the arguments her parents kept making, afraid that if he convinced her, that she would only break. That she would ignore everything her parents wanted and do everything in her power to rebuild what the two of you had.

“Jenna, she was broken by grief. Y/N just lost her entire family, you said she fought for months to try and keep them alive, and she failed. So, she went and chose an unhealthy coping mechanism,” a lot like plenty of other people, and finally it all just made sense to Jenna, she understood what Enrique was trying to say. Yet it came too late, now it only made her feel worse that she didn't even consider these options, that she didn't even try to understand you and that she just pushed you away.

“I'm too late. I doubt she would ever want to see me again and I can't even blame her,” clearly not all of her tears were dried up, because here she was, crying once again. Enrique just pulled her into a hug, trying to console her and help her through this.

“You don't know that. Hey, we've both seen how she looks at you! I've spent just a couple of hours with her and even I can tell that girl unconditionally loves you!” and yet she went and risked it all over an impulsive reaction and her need to not go against her parents in that very moment.

The phone buzzed next to her, and her and Enrique saw it was from Barbara. “See what she sent,” Enrique encouraged her and Jenna unlocked her phone, and while making sure that Enrique could see it as well, she opened the message. Her eyes widened; Barbara had sent her a photo. It was you, in a place she couldn't recognize, drinking coffee it seemed, and just sitting by the fire with a small smile on your face, but what caught her eye wasn't your expression nor anything else about you, it was her ring clearly on display, hanging from the necklace around your neck.

“See, I told you,” Enrique patted her on the back and Jenna smiled as she spent who knows how long just silently staring at the picture. She stared, taking in the way the fire was reflected in your eyes, the smile on your face was honest, but there was a sense of sorrow in it, like you were constantly missing something. It wasn't the full smile you had when you were with her, and she studied every single detail about you, your hair, your clothes, the way light from the flames and shadows made your skin look, the way you held the coffee cup, firmly grasping it. She noticed the way you were slightly hunched forward, maybe leaning in to listen to whoever was talking to you, and she remembered how you leaned in to listen to her, you always leaned in closer than this. Your attention was always completely on her, and while you were paying attention to whoever you were talking to in this picture as well, she figured at least 10 to 15% of your attention was somewhere else.

And then she got another message from Barbara, and this time it was a video, perhaps taken only moments after the photo. You were silent, just listening and then it happened, you reached up and your thumb and finger brushed along her ring. You glanced down, the longing clear in your eyes, too lost in thoughts to notice you were being filmed.

“See, she loves you! She misses you, she wants you back in her life!” Enrique messed with her hair for a bit and the remark would have seemed like teasing to her a month ago, but now it was more than welcome.

“I still don't know what to do with my parents,” while she could probably convince her siblings that she would be fine, her parents were a whole other story.

“I'll handle them,” Enrique promised her and she trusted him, maybe he wouldn't be able to completely change their minds, but she believed that he would be able to at least make them willing to give the two of you a chance.

“Thanks,” Jenna said, not sure what else to say to show her gratitude. Then Barbara sent one last message for the day. ‘Just figured you should know that Y/N is trying her best. She’s trying to get better, and you are the biggest reason why she's doing that. As you can see by that ring that she refuses to take off unless she absolutely has to.’

And Jenna smiled, a sense of hope, from the conversation she had with Enrique, the video of you she got, and the message Barbara sent, filling her heart for the first time in roughly a month.

~X~

Even with all the energy you've been spending throughout the days, you still struggled to fall asleep, and you really shouldn't be, your days were packed. If it wasn't actually working and volunteering to help people out with Hugh, then it was sightseeing and long walks, and yet as tired as you were by the time you would say goodnight to Hugh and his family, that exhaustion would just vanish the moment you would lay down in your bed. You found yourself struggling to fall asleep each and every night.

You should have known long days of work or walking or some physically demanding activities wouldn't be enough to get you to easily fall asleep. After all, if there was one thing those fights gave you it was almost ridiculous stamina, and you had to admit you were hating that right now. Because no matter how tired or how calm you would be, you just couldn't fall asleep. You've tried meditating, you've tried doing a quick workout, you tried drinking chamomile tea, and yet none of that helped.

You knew exactly what was wrong, you glanced at your bedside table, at the ring Jenna gave you. You only took it off either when you were taking a shower or a bath, and when you were sleeping. You were afraid you could somehow grab the necklace and break it, and then lose the ring somewhere, so you would take it off. And it wasn't that you were missing the ring in particular, it was just that when you were on your own, your thoughts would just wander to the different places, and you had no control over them. You've been thinking about Jenna damn near constantly when you were alone.

Even when you were with other people you knew there was a sense of longing in everything you did, in every laugh, in every smile. You were there and you were happy. You really were doing better, but you just missed her. and you thought it would get better with time, but it didn't. It was just getting worse day by day. You turned in your bed once again for what felt like the hundredth time tonight alone, unable to quiet your mind.

The only thing you wanted was to just call her and see how she was doing, to just know that she was fine. Deep down you knew you left her at potentially the worst possible moment. You saw the desire to reach out to you, and to touch you in her eyes, back when you last saw her. You knew you were leaving her with the family that despised you right now, and you couldn't even begin to imagine just how hard it would be for her to go through all of that on her own. Living alone was in your mind one of the worst ways one could live, but constantly being surrounded by people who disapproved of something you cared about and put you through emotional pain while saying it was for your sake, was way worse than that.

And you despised yourself for leaving Jenna like that, because in the worst-case scenario she wanted to talk to you, but her family wouldn't agree with it no matter what she said. Yet you couldn't do anything about it, you hurt her, you betrayed her trust and you no longer had the right to reach out first. It had to be her, you couldn't force your way into her life, no matter how desperate you were to just know that she was fine.

And deep down maybe you were afraid of what you would do if she wasn’t fine.

And those thoughts plagued your mind. You constantly worried about how she was, how she slept, if she ate enough. Being alone made those thoughts a dozen time louder, and it was almost unbearable.

You glanced at your phone to check the time and tried to figure out what time it would be in Denver, eventually, you figured Barbara would be off work right now, so you went and called her, hoping her voice could calm down your nerves a bit. Besides, you missed your best friend, as much as this vacation helped you, you still wished she could have experienced some of this as well.

As you waited for her to pick up you promised yourself that when you finally come back and when you finished filming with Hugh that you would go and reconcile with her family.

“Babe?” of course she greeted you like that, that dumbass.

“Sure, sure, Babe,” you rolled your eyes. You found it somewhat funny how different things were the last time you called Barbara ‘babe’ back then Jenna heard it, and you had to explain yourself. Now it was much different, and those were just good old times before you went and fucked up.

“I can hear you rolling your eyes,” Barbara laughed, and you were going to take that, because she needed a laugh after helping you pull through those first couple of days after Jenna left. Barbara deserved every chance to laugh and if anyone were to hurt her you would raise hell until she was fine again, which was also part of the reason why you were adamant on sooner rather than later reconciling with her family.

It would also be very strange to suddenly, for example, appear at a celebration of something important happening in Barbara's life and surprise her parents by showing them you were still in Barbara's life. “Yeah, because eyerolls make sounds,” still, it was a bit strange, it sounded like Barbara had you on speaker. “How was your day?”

“Uh, just the usual, you know. Went to work and now I'm just lying around, bored. About to turn on the cheesiest love songs in history,” that was not good news, that meant only one thing, another heartbreak, well sort of, Barbara never took it too close to heart when something like this happened. Especially since she hasn’t really been serious with anyone over the past year.

“Which guy who asked you out ended up being in the closet now?” you would still humor her.

“James,” and that meant nothing to you. You didn't even know the guy existed; this was the first time you were hearing about him.

“How long ago was this again?” you asked, maybe you just forgot since your mind was damn near always on Jenna these days.

“A few months ago, you were filming Scream, meeting the love of your life while I was at the store, meeting James, who, as it turns out, only wanted a girlfriend so his mom would be happy,” she jokingly ranted. “Didn't even get to the first date point, so no harm done,” she may have been complaining, but you were well aware that Barbara didn’t care one bit about it. When someone right shows up he’ll show up, she used to say, and she still believed that. And she was still twenty, she mostly just dated to meet people and if it ended up becoming serious than so be it.

As for you, despite everything you still smiled at the love of your life comment, almost welcoming the teasing.

“I guess that will keep happening, minus finding the love of my life again, doubt that's happening, but you meeting guys while I’m somewhere filming,” considering you were serious about acting now that scenario was fairly plausible. How many things in Barbara and Hugh’s life would you miss with this job? How many times would you only be able to comfort Barbara over the phone? That was the sad reality of your work.

“About that, I think you won't need to find another one,” she said and you sat up abruptly, your heart beating rapidly in your chest at those words.

“What do you mean?” but she just laughed and for a moment you naively thought that she wasn't laughing at you, that maybe there was another reason she laughed. “Barbara, what do you mean?!”

“Oh, nothing, nothing! Don't worry about it! Oh, by the way, I need to go and get,” she paused as if she was thinking of an excuse. “A pizza, yeah, a pizza. I ordered a pizza and it's just about to arrive!” what the hell was going on over there?

“Barbara, you know I know when you are lying!” but she was already saying ‘bye!’ “You come back here and explain yourself, Barbara!” but she just hung up and you stared at your phone, baffled by what just happened. What did you miss?

~X~

Barbara was laughing her ass off and she just sank into the sofa. Your sofa by the way, because of course Barbara would take her to your apartment.

“See, you've got nothing to worry about. You're the love of her life,” Barbara told her with the almost infuriatingly wide grin on her face and Jenna just looked down, her face about as red as a tomato, and she couldn't stop the smile on her face.

For the first time since the end of last year she was actually at peace, and it was almost ironic that it was in your apartment. It was like deep down she could feel your presence around her, even if the apartment was fairly barren from anything personal in it. She could still feel like you were almost right there with her.

“She sounded,” she began, but she couldn't even find the correct word to describe what she noticed. But there was a change in your voice that she couldn't quite put her finger on.

“Like she was struggling, for the lack of a better word,” Barbara offered, and Jenna supposed that would be the most fitting description, though it wasn't quite the word she would use. It was more like you were on the precipice of finally reaching something that she couldn't define, yet she knew it would be important for you.

“I guess,” but she accepted the description Barbara offered.

Barbara gave her a small smile “So, you are going away for filming, right? That's why you wanted to talk.”

This time next week she would already be in New Zealand, about to start filming X, so that would mean she couldn't see you anytime soon. It was a harsh blow to know that she wouldn’t be able to see you for at least a month and a half from now. She didn't think she would be hearing your voice, and while it felt so good while it lasted, it just reopened that wound on her heart, caused by all the longing within her. She missed you so much, but she still wanted your first contact again to be face to face, and in a way she was afraid of your reaction; even if Barbara and Enrique have been telling her that it would be fine, that you still loved her.

“Well at least you’ll both be free after that and then you can figure out when and how to meet up,” that was a comforting thought, that after the filming was done for both of you, you would have the time and space and could actually talk things through. Maybe even find a way to get back to the way things were before because she desperately needed you back in her life.

“How should I approach it?” Jenna asked timidly.

Barbara put a finger on her chin, seemingly thinking about it. “Well, first of all you need to book an entire restaurant, and you have to arrange for a car to come and pick her up, and make sure there are flowers and cookies, and a good movie and some music. Y/N just adores heartbreaking love songs, they need to have soul crushingly depressing lyrics, by the way,” and then she burst out laughing because Jenna was seriously listening to her. “I'm messing with you, Jenna. Just show up. Just like you told me: ‘Hey, can we meet up, I want to talk,’ do the same thing with her. Or if you really don't want to send that message and you want the first thing you tell her to be face to face, then you tell me and I'll bring her somewhere so you can do that. That’s all Y/N wants, just you.”

And that comforted her a lot, that at the end of the day it didn't matter how she would show up, in front of you as long as she did come to talk. “Can we actually fix this?” Jenna asked because Barbara was the only one who knew you enough to give her that answer.

“12 hours,” Barbara said and then just completely stopped. Jenna just raised an eyebrow, not getting what that mean, so Barbara sighed and continued. “That's how long it'll take the two of you to end up in her bed naked, and very thankful the walls of this apartment are thick, not that you'll notice, because you'll be in the throes of passion. I'm telling you right now, that's gonna happen,” she said it with a completely blank face and somehow Jenna got even redder than before, unable to actually respond to that claim in any way.

~X~

With the vacation over, it was time to go back to work, and that meant going straight from Japan to New York to start filming The Daughter, and the first thing you did would perhaps make or break the rest of the process. Everything in the movie rested on the chemistry between you and Hugh, and the first scene had to start building that.

“Action!” you heard from behind the doors. You relaxed your posture, hung your head a bit and made it seem like you had the weight of the world on top of your shoulders, and you were just tired of it. And it wasn't difficult to get into that mental state. You opened the doors with an unscripted sigh, giving away how tired your character must be feeling as you tossed the bag onto the floor and just kicked your sneakers off, not even bothering to put them away properly. Your character was supposed to think she would come back home to an empty apartment, and you already made your way to your character's bedroom instead of at least glancing in the kitchen and the living room.

“Nicole!” you heard Laura's voice from the living room and froze momentarily, almost stumbling over your feet as you scrambled back to put your sneakers away properly and grab your bag. You let the panic in your eyes show well enough without overplaying it.

“Shit,” you cursed under your breath, and then took a deep breath as if pumping yourself up to put on a façade. “Hey mom, shouldn't you be at work?” you asked as you leaned into the living room, showcasing the distance between the characters with a wide shot of the living room, with just your head and fingers of your left hand visible, as well as the hint of your bag hanging from your shoulder.

“I came early,” Laura smiled at you, and the smile was perfect, the pain and uneasiness hidden behind the unconditional love of a parent, it was all there in that quick moment that she would be in the focus.

“You arrived,” you tightened your grip on to the doorframe and flinched as if you were about to fall, and then you looked back to see Hugh coming out of the bathroom. You looked back at the hall, where his shoes were and then just looked at him again, as if trying to make sure he was actually there. “Dad?” you said in disbelief, and Hugh looked like he was stuck between being happy to see you and unsure what to expect from you. You leaned away from the doorframe, guarder, tense as you studied him, just as unsure of what to expect as he was.

“Your mom told me you've been skipping school, and I figured we could talk,” he said, and your entire demeanor changed as you glared at him. “Nicole,” Hugh called your character's name, and you tighten your jaw, starting to open your mouth to speak several times, before just giving up and relaxing.

“Sure, come on in,” you said motioning toward your room, there was no bounce to your steps and just for a moment you met Laura's eyes, and she just looked away as if silently saying sorry to you. You just closed your eyes for a moment, briefly letting the pain show on your face while neither Hugh nor Laura could see. As you let Hugh into the room you went and tossed the bag on your bed, not caring when you slightly missed, and it fell to the floor. You didn’t even wince at the slight mess in the room.

Hugh turned on the lights and walked by you, then he just picked your bag up, placing it on the bed with care, while you slumped into your chair. “You should keep your room tidy, when I was your age everything had to be spotless,” Hugh said and picked up an empty bottle of juice your character left lying there at some point.

“You should remember you have a daughter a bit more often, and yet here we are,” you fired back and Hugh’s eyes immediately met yours, only for you to look away and mumble a ‘Sorry’ under your breath.

Hugh sat down on your bed, and you just leaned back, not even looking at him. “I know we haven't spent a lot of time together lately, and I've been thinking that maybe you would like to spend some time with me, meet your baby brother. We can catch up and see how it works out?” he suggested and you looked at him for a moment.

“What about school?” you asked, sure your character didn't go to school for the past month, but it was still the middle of the year.

“We'll figure something out, enroll you in another school. Have you start over,” Hugh said and you nodded not really caring either way.

“Cut!” the director yelled and you and Hugh visibly relaxed. “That's what I wanted! Great job you two! You as well Laura!” he approached you and Hugh. “Hugh, you were right, Y/N can pull this off!” Florian patted you and Hugh on the shoulders and called you over to go over the next scene because the approach he took was to talk to both of you, or the actors involved in the scene, through it and try to explain all the emotions involved in it, as well as let you give him any input you might have as well.

Overall, even though the subject of the movie would be rather heavy, you wouldn't want to do this with anyone else. And from the look in Hugh’s eyes, you figured he felt the same.

Taglist: @lilbitdepressed27 @freakshow2501 @osnapitzmel1 @belatrixdragon @ijustlovemaths

@niqmandu @justspance @mirage018 @godamnityess

Masterlist / First Part / Previous part / Next Part

[hobby1008]

forbid love

If you use a translator, the sentences may be strange.

minju x m reader

Tags: incest,oral

Minju is relaxing in her room after her first vacation since her debut.

"Minju, Park Minju"

"I am going"

She went straight to the kitchen in response to her mother's call. Her mother prepared the food, put it in containers, and then put it in bags.

"Mom, what's going on?"

"Please bring it to your brother"

"Yes, sir."

Minju accepted it easily because she always kept in touch with her brother and maintained a good relationship, He went to his room and started getting ready to meet his brother.

Minju started to decorate herself as much as possible because she met her brother after a long time. Do your best on your face and put clothes on your body, I chose it carefully.

Minju's mother came to the room and said

"Hurry up and bring The Minjoo's skills, I'm waiting for you.

"Yes~"

Minju quickly prepared for her mother's words and left the house.

Minju's older brother moved out of his parents' house because of work, and he became distant from his parents as he lived alone.

Even when his parents visited, he kicked them out, saying he wanted to be alone, and his parents were worried about their son, so they asked Minju, who was close to him, to do it.

She was excited to see her older brother after a long time, and after riding the bus for about an hour, they entered a five-story house and arrived at his quarters.

Minju pressed the intercom to call his older brother.

"Brother, it's Minju, open the door."

"Brother, your mom said to bring you some side dishes. Open the door."

His older brother didn't answer, so Minju unlocked the door, and entered if it was her birthday, and the door unlocked right away, and Minju felt good inside that her older brother had said it was her birthday.

She called her older brother again as she entered his house, but there was no answer, and she was organizing the side dishes in the refrigerator, feeling regretful and alone. Minju was about to leave the house after quickly putting the side dishes in his refrigerator, when she felt someone in the room, she immediately opened the door and called him.

"Oppa"

As soon as she entered, she was so shocked by the sight before her eyes that she froze.

He was wearing a headset and masturbating while watching porn on his computer.

While masturbating, he felt someone's presence and immediately turned around, and was extremely surprised to see his sister there,

and immediately put on his pants, approached her, and began to change the subject while muttering.

However, despite his efforts, Minju's gaze was still on the computer, and he quickly turned off the screen to block her from seeing it, remembering the porn he had played.

The reason he blocked the screen so much was because he was watching a deepfake porn with Minju's face photoshopped on it.

Her brother immediately approached Minju and calmed her down, and he was making excuses to her while talking about this and that.

But Minju was speechless, perhaps because of the shock, and her brother sat down, dumbfounded at the sight of Minju.

A few seconds later, “Oh, was that me you were looking at?”

Her brother got up again at her words and tried to make an excuse,

but when she said, “Don’t lie and tell me,” he nodded weakly.

Minju then looked at him with an incomprehensible expression and said, “Why were you looking at me?”

Then, he acted helplessly and was about to tell her

She looked into his eyes once more and said

"I wish you would tell me the truth, oppa."

He was at a loss at Minju's stubborn attitude and the emptiness that came after everything was found out and the situation where he couldn't take back what he said, and began to tell the truth.

"Minju, I did it because I liked you. I always got excited and happy when I thought of you I wish you were my girlfriend, not my family That's why I came here without knowing it. I'm really sorry."

Minju was shocked by his words, but she sympathized in her heart.

She also had feelings for his oppa, and that's why the sisters were always on good terms.

However, after telling him everything, his oppa stood there with a look on his face like his soul had left him.

Minju hugged him and said "I like you too."

Then her oppa looked at her in his arms with surprised eyes, and she looked at him with an incredibly loving smile.

He couldn't take his eyes off her lovely appearance, and made deep eye contact, and soon the two began to kiss deeply.

The two began to kiss incredibly passionately like lovers who hadn't seen each other for a long time. They explored each other's mouths and mixed their tongues. The two of them finally ended their kiss after a long time, and Minju sat him down on the chair again and took off his pants to reveal his cock.

She immediately grabbed his cock and stroked it, and his cock quickly began to grow. He had already released Cooper's fluid from masturbation. He was soon getting excited and moaning,

She felt happy at his appearance, and slowly licked the glans and put it in her mouth and started sucking it. She was inexperienced and sloppy and not good at all, but it was enough to get him excited, and he was moaning and feeling it because of her mouth. She smiled at her brother who was happy with her caresses and sucked his cock.

But soon, Oppa grabbed Minju's face and pulled her out of his bed and said, "I've done rice cakes."

He immediately lifted Minju up and laid her on the bed, and started the first movement by unbuttoning her bra. She helped him unbutton it when he couldn't do it well, and the bra fell off.

She had pink nipples in the middle of her white skin, and he started squeezing her breasts and tried to put them in his mouth. She laughed when she saw that her brother liked her breasts. She lay on the bed and let her brother suck her breasts, and. She put her hand on his head and moaned in pleasure.

He started exploring her body further down. He started licking her stomach, navel, and thighs. Her skin was soft and warm. As he moved further down, he ripped her stockings and pulled her panties to the side. He looked at her pussy. Her pussy was so beautiful, and it was shining with love juice because of his caresses. He started caressing her pussy without hesitation… He heard Minju moan, and when he worked harder, she locked his face and mouth in her pussy with her thighs and legs. After caressing him for a while, she let him go, and said to him with a smile, seeing that her stockings were torn.

"Do you like stockings, oppa?" He nodded as if he had been waiting, and she started a strip show for him.

After taking off her stockings and panties, she showed her body in front of him and put her stockings back on.

He immediately laid her down again and spread her legs, and he looked at her.

She nodded and signaled that she was ready, and he slowly rubbed his cock against her pussy and pushed his cock inside her and started.

The two of them started having sex. It was the first time in their lives.

It was the first time for both of them to have such a happy and good experience. Oppa thrusted Minju hard and moaned, and Minju also moaned and gasped at her brother's cock.

The two enjoyed each other's things and made love, and soon the oppa reached the moment of climax. Then Minju told her, "I'll cum," and then turned up the output for the last time, and poked her pussy hard, and pulled out and started ejaculating on her body.

Even though he ejaculated a huge amount of his spunk into her stomach, it came all over her face, and she was surprised and happy at the same time by his spunk, and he immediately brought a tissue and closed her body,

and he leaned against her face and kissed her. They both passionately French kissed. They were lying side by side on the bed.

That's how the two maintained this relationship without anyone knowing.

[thequietkid-moonie]

Darling loves them just the way they are

[ YANDERE HEADCANONS ] [ Furina, Kafka ]

[ Genshin Impact ] [ Honkai Star Rail ]

⚠️ A bit of spoilers in Furina's part

This was requested by @the-ultimate-puppeteer but im an idiot and lost the ask

This was quite interesting to write, specially cuz i live them <33 hope you like it dear readeeeer ~

Furina

Furina has always done her best to play the role she was given, enduring the inmense loliness with the promise of being able to save her people, slowly losing herself a bit in the process

Furina was tortured by her life and role for as long as she was alive, having to become what her people needed and forgetting about herself, she wouldn't be free, she wouldn't have the right to be herself until this performance reached its end, and it wasn't until she found you that she felt trapped in her own life

You came to Furina's life like a ray of hope, something to hold onto and something that could give her life a meaning, and despite the fact that she was scared it didn't take her too much time before growing incredibly dependant of you

For Furina her darling became everything that was right in this world, the reason why she was born and the reason why she needed to keep going, so for that same reason she quickly found herself being eating alive for the anxiety, you were too precious for her, she needed you at her side but since she doesn't want to force you then she most make sure you like her, to love her, for what she spend a lot of time looking over you, watching her every move and carefully selecting every world that left her mouth whenever you were around, slowly trying her best to present herself at her best just to make sure you liked her!

Furina was too scared that you may not like her, being reminded to that old times when she became the Hydro Archon, those times where she was heavily judged by her own people for not being god-like enough. Furina spent so much time worrying over being the best for you that it took her an awful amount of time to realice that you already liked her as she is

You have grown to love Furina just the was she is, you grow to appreciate her and since she not so discreetly have show how much she appreciate your company and made efforts to keep you at her side as much as posible you grow to see more of her, more than just the Hydro Archon but about Furina, slowly appreciating her extra efforts to make her crush like her (as you think it is, underestimating a bit her feelings)

Even if she noticed Furina will not accept that something like this is true until you tell her directly, until you express to her that you indeed love her just the way she is, and is then when she let go of a relieved sigh before tears start to form in her eyes, trying really hard to don't admit how much she has being worrying about this but letting herself to cry in your arms, being the first time she finally feels safe in all her life, clinging to this feeling and promising herself to don't lose it, even if she has to change completely and play the role you want her to play as long as you don't leave her, not even when everyone turns against her or when the truth is finally revealed

Kafka

Kafka is a wanted criminal, even in her home planet she was considerate a threat, rethless in battle and always ready to get in fights for the thrill of it, always doing a perfect job, even so thats not all that she is

Kafka has being working for Elio for quite a long time already, following him for her own promised reward and never doubting him, so the moment she have met you she already knew it would have happened, still that didn't meant she didn't have quite the pleseant surprise when she found you, she fell in love pretty quick and it didn't took her more time to know that she wanted you in her life

Even so Kafka isn't exactly a selfish person, or at least not all the time, she is well aware of who she is and the effect she and her presence can bring to others, even if she doesn't understand fear she doesn't want you to be scared of her, so she took upon herself to make you see what an amazing partner she can be for you, she wants to go in the gentle way rather than forcing her way into your life (but if she has to do it she will without a doubt)

Kafka took the time to get to know you and to present herself, she didn't made much efforts to be of your liking since she didn't felt like she needed, you would be hers one way or another, still she make sure you knew her true self. Kafka never denied to you that she is the merciless wanted criminal, that person who would kill without hesitation but you were special for her so she let you know that soft side of her, that side that were constantly looking after you and treat you with a gentleness that it was even flattering

Kafka made her way throught your life with kindness and sincerity, with sincere and meaningful attempts to win your heart, somehow always being there but always having a kind smile to offer, she was taking mental notes of your reactions and paying close attention to you, after all her whole point was to win you over to take you with her

It didn't take her much time to realice that she have managed to win you over and yet, again, it was quite the pleseant surprise when she got to know (either because she did noticed too or that you admited it to her) that you grew to love her just the way she is, including that rethless side of her

Kafka was surprised but she couldn't do more than laugh softly when she found out, you truly are something else, don't you? Well, she love you too, she love every part of you, and she is yours just as much as you are hers so the fact that you love her so sincerely and absolutely is not only appreciate but also reciprocated, altought, the fact that you accept you love her so much it just give her free pass to do whatever she wants and whatever she has to do to protect those feelings

[cepheustarot]

Your future love relationship: with whom and what will be

Attention! This reading is for entertainment purposes only. This tarot reading does not give a 100% guarantee that all the described situations will occur or being ultimate truth. You build your own life and destiny and only you know yourself best.

Paid readings

Pick a pile. Choose one or more pictures. Trust your intuition.

Pile 1: This person will look strong, fit, most likely he often does sports and therefore he looks muscular. But in addition, he also has a strong inner core, he endures all stressful situations, solves all problems, he is not of those who give in to emotions, it is important for him to first deal with problems, things. He can also be called a determined man and all his achievements he achieves through hard work, through the efforts he has put in, he does a lot to realize himself, his desires. Self-fulfillment in life is just as important to him! This person is not only able to work well, but also to rest well, he really knows how to unload their head from complex thoughts and enjoy the moment without burdening himself with problems. It can also be called the soul of the company, as it emanates the aura of a friendly person, with whom it is easy to enter into a dialogue and can be discussed anything, it is easy for him to maintain a dialogue with anyone. In addition, he is energetic, active, he can have quick speech and active facial facial expressions, he can walk fast or do something quickly. He has leadership skills, he is able to lead people, he is able to work in a team, he is ready to take responsibility for his actions. 

Your relationship with this person will be very strong and stable, you will trust each other, maintain, together cope with difficulties, you will feel that you have become family to each other, you will have a strong connection between you, You will achieve much together. in addition to that you will have an understanding, your relationship will not be deprived of passion, playfulness, between you will be a lot of romance and flirting. 

Pile 2: I’d like to point out that maybe your partner will be younger than you! Or he can act like a child at times, be naive at certain points, but these details are not critical and should not prevent your relationship from developing. The person himself is quite lucky, successful, all his beginnings and new cases are accompanied by success. I would also call him unpredictable, his actions and thoughts are difficult to predict, as he has the traits of an adventurer and, figuratively speaking, today he will want to go to the other end of the world, and tomorrow will conquer the mountains. I mean, he’s pretty easy-going and he’s very easy to accept that kind of offer. By virtue of his character, he constantly gets into various stories, from which, of course, he gets out, because fate is on his side. Also this man is not deprived of romance, he quite openly shows his feelings and his love, a lot of flirts, give a lot of gifts, a lot of making nice gestures. The person himself is also emotional, he can quickly change mood. He is quite young and inexperienced, so he does not have enough experience of life, but nevertheless he is open to everything new in his life, in this respect he is quite bold. 

Your relationship with this person at the beginning will be filled with romance, you will be constantly together, as you are deeply in love with each other and without the presence of anyone near you will quickly miss each other. You can even idealize each other during this period! However, over time your sense of obsession will fade away and only love, warmth and affection between you will remain, you will be able to exist together, complementing each other, and separately, continuing to do your business. 

Pile 3: The person himself can be closed, it is difficult for him to open up to people, he is not inclined to show a lot of emotions and tell about his feelings, just it takes a lot of time to trust another. He has a realistic view of things, he tends to objectively assess the situation, relies on logic and facts, rather than on feelings and intuition, in the dispute it is important to prove his point of view rather than show empathy and look at the situation from the side. He can criticize people, but he is also self-critical, has high demands on himself and people, he is perfectionist, tends not to believe in himself and his powers, so he tries a lot to achieve results. Perhaps he’s still a troubled man, prone to thinking too much. He is also one of those who is willing to help people, extend a helping hand, support, he is happy to share his experience and advice, he is generous, honest with people, he appreciates people close to him. 

Your relationship will develop rapidly with this man, you may have common goals and plans and you will achieve them, you two will succeed! But I see here you may not see much of each other, you may meet from a distance and you may often miss each other. But at the same time you will be sincere in your feelings, you will love each other. 

Thank you for reading! I will be glad of any feedback 🖤

[soaringwide]

Pick a Card: What do you need to hear right now?

Hello and welcome back to a new pick a card reading!

Today is a general and open one, where we're going to look at What you need to hear right now.

As always this is a general reading meant for multiple people so it might not resonates 100%. There are only three piles and a shit ton of you. Takes what resonates and leave out the rest.

Check out my pinned post for more pick a cards or to book a paid reading.

PILE 1

Cards: 10 of Cups, King of Swords, 5 of Swords, the Chariot, the Empress, the Hanged Man, Queen of Cups, 4 of Pentacles, the High Priestess, Sweet Oblivion, Acceptance

Right now, you seem very preoccupied, by the idea of happiness and emotional fulfillment. I see you wanting more from life and not wanting to settle for your current circumstances. You are an idealist who wishes to enjoy life to its fullest, and I think that includes multiple areas of you life because you don't want to neglect any aspect of it.

But at the same time, there is this idea that your idea of ultimate happiness is an ideal, and ideals are not reality. Reality is uncertain and mysterious, we never know what's around the corner, and I think you're trying to get a hold of that by using your logic over your heart to try to understand and break down what it is you want from life. Truth is, when we want something, even when we get it, it never quite look like what we imagined, and that's quite a struggle when we want to control outcomes.

And I think you're fully aware of the fact that there are going to be some losses on your path towards this beautiful goal of yours. Perhaps you even have already experienced some. You might be wondering if that was all worth the effort in the end and feeling quite defeated on the inside. There might be frictions with you values and feeling like you have to sacrifice something dear to you.

However, despite these sour feelings, you feel like you have to stay determined to make it work and get out of the realm of what's known and comfortable. With the Chariot paired with the Empress, representing respectively Cancer and Venus, there is this idea of slow but unstoppable movement toward you ideal. It's really hard for you to let give up, unthinkable even. Both characters are crowned in stars, representing the hope for something better and the faith you have for yourself.

What you don't see, however, is that you are currently trapped in your own perspective and struggling to see things in a new angle. You are tied to the emotional baggage of your past and it's like you're trying to run away from the pain but you can't, you're stuck with it because its part of yourself, of your story. And I think to some extent you fail to see how these past emotions are affecting the way you see the situation. You learned to be very protective of your well-being, up to a fault because, right now, this inflexibility is creating struggle and pain where there is no need for it.

I also see that you're so focused on the prize that you're blinding yourself to everything else, which is part of why you are stuck in some way.

You advice regarding this situation is all about accepting that you cannot control everything, nor that you should. As we pointed out things will not always unfold the exact way you want them to, which is not necessarily a bad thing. You don't need to know everything, to see 10 steps ahead. It's okay to not know what you are doing, no one does. Yes you are doing that because you want to feel safe, but that's not how reality works. You can't trick your mind into thinking you have full control over your life, that's a delusion, and you're missing out on the mysterious adventure that is life.

So you need to let go a bit, surrender your desire for control and float through life with peace in your heart. What will be, will be. Some things cannot be changed with force and willpower alone. Some things are out of your control and all you can do is accept and let things unfold naturally. Right now you need to let loose a little and learn to have more faith in life and to trust that sometimes, the detours are exactly what we need to experience.

Key words: crisis of faith, winning at all costs, go big or go home, sunken cost fallacy, if i don't help myself then who will, crawling out of a hole, disillusionment, swimming against the current vs floating with it

PILE 2

Cards: King of Cups, Empress, 7 of Pentacles, the Hermit, the High Priestess, 3 of Swords, Ace of Wands, 7 of Cups, 8 of Pentacles, the Hanged Man, 3 of Cups, 8 of Swords, Rebirth

What you're being asked to look at today, is your emotional balance and the emotional work you've done on yourself to nurture and repair. It seems you've been working at it for quite some time, steadily and patiently. You've been caring for yourself, healing, like a gardener working in his orchards day after day, waiting for the harvest to finally come.

And you did quite well it seems! A lot has been accomplished already. You've done the work and sought inner knowledge; with bravery you looked at every shadow, every past hurt, every trauma, and you've learnt so much from it. You really consciously took the matter into your own hands and were directly acting on your issues. It still hurts at time though and you might be wondering when it will cease to be painful. Truth is, you keep touching the wound so it's probably not helping. I see you quite stuck in waiting for this harvest, the harvest being the point where you feel finally free from all of this ready to seize life again.

You also went through a time of isolation that made you stronger, but I'm also getting that you're struggling to get out of that isolation mode out of comfort and fear mostly. Sometimes when we go through something hard, it makes us feel alienated from others, like it's hard to relate to the everyday problems of people who were lucky enough not to go through something traumatic. It can make you feel envious, or at the very least, a bit disgusted and void of interest to connect with those people, because they just don't get it, and honestly, some people lack the emotional intelligence necessary to handle people who suffered a lot…hence the isolation.

What you don't see, is that you're ruminating your problems and that it's past the point of being helpful. It's like you're going over it again and again and again, trying to see if you can find yet another answer that would end the search once and for all. You're clearly overthinking your feelings and obsessively trying to find a solution to something that has none. What is done is done. Yes you need to mourn, yes you need to let time and introspection sooth the pain, but at some point, the only thing left to do is to move forward again.

The advice regarding this is that you need to drastically change your ways. Flip the way you live on its head. The cards point at getting out of this isolation mode, because the only thing holding you back is yourself in this case. It's like you're scared of going out into the world. You might not feel ready. You might not feel strong enough. You might not feel adequate for this world. But it's not true, it's just another result of overthinking your past hurt. It's time to step out and connect with other people. Celebrate, have fun, laugh, connect with others sincerely and without fear of not being understood. Yes some people won't get it but you'll also be pleasantly surprised by others, and you won't know until you tried.

It's time to leave the old behind, the old being those past hurt you're so familiar with, and this way of being you became so used to contain yourself in. You've spent enough time in the cocoon, now is time to break free from it and spread your wings. It might not be easy in the beginning, you might need to learn to fly again and it will be scary, but it's so, so worth it.

So ask yourself what living your life fully looks like to you. If you were completely free if nothing was holding you back, what would you want to? What would you want to become? Switch the overthinking from the tiny box you stuck yourself in, to the expansiveness of a mind that wants to reach to every corner of the world. The sky is the limit and it's time you look up.

Key words: breaking the shell, chrysalis, rebirth, being stuck in a maze of your own creation, scared to open up, meaningful connections, sunlight, removing the bandage

PILE 3

Cards: 6 of Pentacles, 6 of Swords, 2 of Cups, 2 of Swords, 2 of Pentacles, 10 of Cups, Page of Swords, 3 of Cups, 5 of Swords, 7 of Swords, 10 of Pentacles, 8 of Pentacles, the Great Goddess, Spirit of the Tree

The theme of your reading today is centered around the way you connect to others, be they people or spiritual forces.

More precisely, in the act of service you do for others, with a strong emphasis on keeping the balance in the exchange and the necessity to preserving the harmony between your thoughts and feelings.

With two 6 cards in this position, this highlights reflecting on the way you find the middle point in the way you give and receive your time and energy, but also what it costs you mentally and emotionally. This is a general reading so it's quite nebulous without context, but to some it could point at a specific relationship, or if you're someone who provides service for others, it could point at that, and it could also be relevant for those who do spiritual work.

In any case, what you're clear on in this situation, is that you've reached a point of no return. It's just no possible to keep doing things as you're doing them right now. You've been contemplating this recently and reached the conclusion that you can't make everyone happy at all costs, despite your desire for things to be perfect for all involved. You are sacrificing yourself in the process, to an extent that is not healthy for you. Exchanges between people are never fully balanced and that's just reality, but in the long run you should find some type of balance and not just giving yourself to keep everyone happy but yourself.

What you don't see in this situation is that you're getting the short hand of the stick when it doesn't have to be the case. If every interaction feels like a battle that you have to fight to sourly win, then was it really a win? Others can be here for you as well, for support and enjoyable shared moments. You should be able to all get something from this. If they never give you that, is it truly worth investing yourself in it?

There is a strong need for protecting your boundaries mentally as well. You don't see how letting others step all over you is detrimental to the way you perceive life. It maintains you in your little box where you need to expand your horizon. I think you somewhat lost that side of you. The side that seeks truth, that is strongly rooted in its individuality and critical mind. The you that seeks mental stimulation and adventurous ideas.

For the advice, you need to be honest with yourself because from what I understand, you do see the situation clearly, but for some reason, you're not acting on it. It's like you're lying to yourself a bit. You keep trying to make things work in this very unbalanced state, harming yourself in this task for the sake of others.

You need to look further and think of your abundance and legacy. What will you be remembered for? For what you did to others? It's very noble of you, but what about your enjoyment of life? What about your personal goals? What about what your heart desires?

Think of trees: we now know that despite being fully rooted in themselves and being whole and independent life forms, they do live in community and are able to communicate with each others across species and help each other. The big tree provides shade to the small plants, and the small plants keep the ground moist and fertile. They all benefit from this and create an ecosystem for all to live in.

You are being called to re-balanced things within you and in your life. To get to the root of this blockage you have regarding exchange and service in order to transform yourself. Perhaps what you're doing is actually detrimental to your ultimate goal, and being a bit more focused on yourself, selfish, even, would be the key for more stability.

Key words: giving and receiving, overworking yourself, beneficial selfishness, harmony between extremes, losing yourself in the work, waking up to what matters to you, long term goal, the wisdom of trees, creation and destruction

[undiscovered-horizon]

"Ultimatum" - Zoro x Reader

prompt sent in by the wonderful @maybe-a-bi-witch | Enjoying my work? You can leave me a tip on Ko-Fi | Have a request?

When you were a child, your parents took you to a circus. Among clowns, lions and contortionists, the one thing that stuck in your mind was a tightrope artist. She danced and tumbled 40 feet above the ground, a smile on her face. When she flew in the air, you kept wondering whether this time she would fall but your fear never came true - she didn't lose her footing, didn't lose her balance even once.

You find yourself thinking about the circus artist more often lately as you keep questioning your relationship with Zoro. On one hand, there are the lingering touches, stolen kisses and words filled with undeniable desire. But there's also his coldness and distance, the unwillingness to speak about his feelings. Whenever you're about to give up and cut your losses, accept that your little maybe-romance is purely opportunistic, Zoro pulls you right back in with seemingly no effort. He has you wrapped around his finger, no sense in denying that.

And just like that girl 40 feet in the air, you're also walking the tightrope. But contrary to the performer, you're not sure you can do it as skillfully as she did. As days turned into weeks and your relationship with the swordsman only became more confusing, you felt yourself losing balance. It feels like soon enough you'll be falling off the tightrope. And a 40-foot drop is enough to break, whether it's a bone or a heart.

The night fits your mood: cold, rain hanging in the air, wind tugging and nipping at exposed skin. The ocean and sky are in turmoil, giving you a sense of comfort - tonight, it's not only you who's fighting against themself. Does the sea also question her relationship with the shore? Does she also wonder if their fleeting, chaste kisses as waves wash the sandy beach are something more than opportunistic tenderness?

Your heart is beating out of your chest as you knock on the door to Zoro's bedroom. Shortly after, a welcoming grunt resounds on the other side.

The swordsman is lying in a hammock, staring at the ceiling above. With one hand underneath his head, he looks really comfortable. He bends his neck slightly to look at you but doesn't get up for now.

"I'm done, Zoro," you spit out a little faster than you planned. There's no point in pretending that you're not about to choke on your emotions.

The tightrope artist tumbles on the highwire.

He furrows his eyebrows. "With what?"

"With whatever it is we've got going on." It feels like a dam has broken and you find yourself unable to control the flood of words coming out of your mouth. Tears sting your eyes. "You clearly don't want anything serious and I've grown into accepting that I can't change your mind. I also can't just wait around to see if you maybe decide to settle for a relationship. I love you, Zoro, but I have too much self-respect to let myself remain just a convenience to you."

Only when you finish your monologue do you realize you're crying. Weeks of pent-up emotions, anxiety and pure, unrequited adoration you hold for that man have burst inside your chest. The sense of relief you're suddenly feeling is something of a silver lining.

She loses her balance. The audience falls silent.

But Zoro doesn't share your emotional turmoil. He returns to staring at the fascinatingly bland ceiling. "Fine, I'll do it. I'll be your boyfriend," he says in a disinterested voice.

Only static fills your mind. "What?" A question escapes you as you try to make sense of his words. "Zoro, you-"

"That's what you want, isn't it?" he cuts you off. Suddenly he sits up, legs hanging over the side of the hammock. The movement makes the cot swing slightly.

You stare at his face in search of the truth that hides behind his words. Does he really think superficially succumbing to you will fix everything? Or maybe there's something else on his mind - maybe he just doesn't care what you call him.

"What I want is something authentic, not just a fling to pass the time because we're both lonely," you continue. "I have feelings for you and I can't keep pretending that I'm casual about this," you point between him and you, "thing."

The performer waves her hands around, desperately trying to find her footing.

Zoro gets up from the hammock. In a few strides, he finds himself in front of you, closer than within an arm's reach. "You're not a fling," he says decisively. You almost believe him.

A bitter laugh escapes your lips. "I'm not a relationship either, it seems."

He lets out an exasperated sigh. This conversation is tiring him. Maybe you're tiring him.

Zoro's dark eyes are drilling into yours. You can't help but think that he's holding back from something.

"I don't care what you name it." His voice is stern. Suddenly, the air is too thick to breathe comfortably. "All I want is you. I'll do whatever it takes. If that means being a 'boyfriend'," the mocking tone is obvious, "then so be it. I'll gladly be your boyfriend."

Truthfully, you didn't know what you were expecting when you decided to confess your feelings to Zoro but it definitely wasn't this. Then, your previous anxiety blossoms into something unbearably sweet and tender. He doesn't care what you have as long as it's with you.

"Are you serious?" you whisper. This reality seems almost too good to be true.

"Dead," he murmurs back.

Zoro presses his lips against yours. The kiss is slow and heartfelt, unlike the kisses you're used to sharing with him. Strong, desperate hands grab at your waist and hips, forcing you to follow him as Zoro walks backwards. With a creak and a thud, the two of you fall on the hammock.

The crowd cheers loudly. The dancer has regained her balance and continues the routine with even more grace and glamour in her movements.

[vickyvicarious]

Thinking again of silence as a theme...

Vampires are silent - not literally, but they don't write documents for us to see. Even the documents we know they do write are all business, not personal records (which thematically contain Truth), and in fact often contain literal outright lies as well as being fundamentally lies (Dracula passing himself off as human).

Vampires silence others. Jonathan in the castle was unable to speak or express himself openly. There's 'silencing' of the mind in a way, with victims unable to recall what has happened to them, or to piece together the evidence that they should by rights be able to recognize. Lucy was literally silenced by becoming so weak it was difficult for her to talk, in addition to not knowing. Mina didn't mention her distress before she knew what was happening to her. Since she has begun turning Van Helsing has specifically noted Mina becoming more quiet overall and attributed that to vampiric influence. She is only able to speak freely at certain times when that influence is weakest (dawn and dusk) and we see it is an effort for her.

The diaries going silent for days while Mina slips further into death is another representation in my mind. Sure, they don't have much to write at the moment, and they do write when they have something to report. But also, she's linked to documents and to sharing information from early on. She's the one who says the thesis statement about it, she's the first one to really start sharing information. She's the one who types everything up in triplicate. And when the men keep her out at first, it lets the vampire in. Then we get the reverse when she requests they not tell her things because the vampire has access to her. The silence also generally reflects inactivity and despair (which vampires love to cause) a lot of the time, as seen with Jonathan's long silences in the castle, or Jack initially ending his diary after Lucy dies and there's nothing left to do for her.

There's also Jonathan's silence during this time. Today's entry written at his request, but not in his word. Days of silence around it. He doesn't speak the promise Mina asks for. Though he does read her the burial service, acknowledging and accepting that she might die - perhaps just not that he might not join her in that state (whether undead or not). He's silent about a lot of his later encounters with Dracula too, and his silence here as he willingly approaches closer to the idea of vampirism himself (so long as Mina is unwillingly doing so) is in a way kind of a reverse of what happens elsewhere.

Both Jonathan and Mina are to an extent willingly silencing themselves (her choosing not to be told things, him not speaking his thoughts) because of proximity to vampires which forcibly inflicts silence on them (the change making her silent, Jonathan's trauma and him not ever shown speaking aloud about it after it's over). And this is all in contrast to a bunch scenes where the two of them are communicating to one another but the narrative goes silent, giving them privacy in a way that isn't connected to vampirism at all.

I just never get tired of it, it's so interesting.

[acupofinkedblood]

Hyperlaser x reader

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝

• The fact that you have managed to break down his tough exterior he had forced himself to build up all those years is such an impressive achievement. Hyperlaser sometimes has to question which forces have granted you such stubbornness to pining over him for this long, even when he sees nothing in him for you to be so hopelessly smitten. It is really questionable, yet admirable. And in the end, he has finally accepted your love, so your efforts definitely pay off well

• Hyperlaser comes off as a man of few words at first when you first see him. He doesn’t show that much interest in anything at all. Maybe it’s that mysterious nature that adds up to his charm, after all, he is a complicated individual that you can’t quite grasp as an outsider. Always so unbothered with everything in any situation, if you haven’t known better, you might even assume that his heart has stopped beating because of the cruelty in his job

• But that’s where you got it wrong. Hyperlaser’s heart is still beating, slowly and steadily for him to still remember how to feel, how to express himself and how to love. In his chest isn’t a cold rusty rock, but a wounded heart that is cautious with what he doesn’t know about just yet. All those years of building up his walls is just so his scarred heart can never be ripped away again, losing too much is enough for him to develop that defense mechanism

• When you wait outside the door lead to his heart, keeps in mind that you need to be patient with him. He has been through hell and back, and he won’t risk making you another shadow haunting his life like the rest just because he doesn’t think clearly for his own sake. You are an important consideration for him, that’s why he has to brace himself for so long to finally open up the door of his heart for you, so rest assured

• And once you have entered his personal bubble, you will be surprised to figure out that side of him that almost be buried and forgotten if it wasn’t for little miracles around him to appear. He thought he wouldn’t be able to live with his truthful self again soon, but you have proven him the other way

• Suffering from PTSD and hypervigilance, he seems to be afraid of some potential dangers lurking in the dark where he can’t see. His danger radar is always on in his mind no matter what. He has lost count how many times he subconsciously be ready to pull his gear out just because of a small noise outside. It bothers him quite a lots, so keep in mind that you shouldn’t startle him on purpose

• He can also be paranoid about making sure no one is following him back. Closing all the curtains, putting a lock on his front door, keeping those keys with him all the time, etc…You name it. Don’t be offended when the first time you been to his house, he walked you around basically in circle before let you know where is actual apartment located at. He just wants to make sure to get rid of all those unnecessary tails

• But once he makes sure that everything is secured and no other dangerous forces can come to him once the door is locked, you can see the obvious sight of him relaxed a bit. Not entirely, but that change is noticeable for you. And when Princess comes into the picture, it’s like Hyperlaser has turned into a completely different person with his Princess around

• He really lives up to that cat dad energy without anyone knowing, it just makes your jaw drop in quite the affectionate way, but still. Just imagine him doing that ‘pspspsps’ to call Princess then picking her up lovingly to ask if she is behaving at home or how is her day in general. And think of the way he said all those above in that warm and contented voice of his, the complete opposite to the usual nonchalant no-nonsense voice of his. That isn’t just a cat, that’s literally his daughter

• If Princess loves you, then that will ease a lot of Hyperlaser’s worries. She is definitely a bit shy at first, considering the fact she hasn’t seen anyone else but Hyperlaser in her life before. Gives her some time and a bit of treat if needed. Once Princess has approved of you, she won’t waste anymore moment and just hop into your laps to loaf there. That means you passed the test, congratulations!

• At home, Hyperlaser allows himself to take it easier. With you and Princess around, that has definitely helped him to get a grip of himself better after a long day of following Blackrock’s orders back and forth. Honestly if it isn’t because of his personal grudge towards them that makes he so insistent on staying in this factor, he will definitely pack his stuff, one hand holding Princess and one hand carrying you then just hasta la bye bye out of that hell hole. Who knows? Maybe if he has finished with his personal matter, that would become reality soon

• He is pretty chill when there isn’t any prying unknown eyes staring at him. He seems to talk more to you, even expressing more of his emotions than he usually does outside. Hyperlaser is aware that he isn’t technically good with expressing his feelings with words, it’s just not really his things. But he still tries for you, it’s just that he doesn’t really have anything interesting to tell you aside from his boring works or Princess’ behavior. Maybe some stories of him and Katana, but you probably hear all of it at some point. His love language is more leaning towards acts of service though

• He notices the very little things you do, in which he quickly mesmerizes the patterns and of what you like or dislike. You have grown used to how your cup of coffee is seen each morning besides his in the way that you like it. You also used to see him showing you what he remembers vaguely that you might like this thing. Although his memory isn’t as well as before but still enough for him to take notes of something when it’s a pattern. And if those things are involved you, of course he will give his efforts and remember it

• Surprisingly, he can be quite curious about his surroundings. That includes what you usually do around him as well. You have soon used to the fact he usually looked over your shoulder when you are doing something he just sees for the very first time with that typical inquisitive look in his expression. You make a joke about how him and Princess seems to have that trait in common, since she can be pretty inquisitive herself too. Like father, like daughter

• Due to the various scars that are mostly burned one on his body, he has to take up a daily routine to stretch. You are more than welcome to join him if you want, it’s a good way to exercise as well. Sometimes he still feels the urge to scratch it off, but he resists it. That’s when you offer to lean him a hand to help him moisturize his healed burn scars. There is a lots of it as the scars are scattered all over his body — if not wanting to say his entire body already — and is waiting for you to carefully apply the lotion on, be careful with it. Your touch really makes him vulnerable, and Hyperlaser is a terrible liar if he says he doesn’t enjoy the feeling

• Speaking of the scars, he is quite self-conscious of the current state of his appearance. He knows very well that his appearance is probably disfigured by this point. He is hesitant to take his helmet off around you during the few first time the two of you have been officially together. He did tell you that he wasn’t that good-looking before as he preferred to hide his appearance than showing it, and you seemed fine with it. While he reassured himself that you wouldn’t mind much, but it still couldn’t help that bubbling worries inside his mind

• When he took off his helmet for the very first time in front of you, he expected a lots of things — which most of them are potential negative comments coming from you — , which was understandable given the reactions he used to get before putting on this specific helmet of his. But to his surprise, your reaction was everything but what he had in mind. You weren’t mind at all, even telling him that he was still as handsome in your eyes. And he knows that tone of voice of yours isn’t sarcasm, it’s truthful

• Your words mean more to him than you can imagine. Until this day, he is more than grateful for what you have done to him, giving him a chance to heal and all. After all he has done, you come to his life like a blessing

• He doesn’t believe in mental health, which makes him neglect the obvious issue of his own. Sometimes PTSD still gives him nightmares of the bloodshed when the darkest moments of his life is being replayed over and over again restlessly until he has to wake up in a panic. He will just go to the bathroom to clean his face off as well as tries to maintain his calm demeanor. You know damn well that there is no way you can talk him into going to therapy, so might as well figure a way to help him without making it obvious

• The least you can do is to stay by his side and reassure him, helping him to steady his breathing and keeping him in touch with the reality. There is an old trick that you always use on him whenever his thoughts wander a bit too far, which is telling him to describe the surroundings and point out the thing he sees. It’s not something too special, but it has working quite well and never failed to help him, so you can stick with that. Sometimes he even uses that same method to calm you down as well

• You have become his responsibility. And you know one thing very clear is that he will do anything to keep you safe. Hell, you can even ask him to kill for you and expect him to come back unscathed. For you, he will rain hell over whoever deemed to be a threat to you. He has already killed a bunch of people, stained his hand with blood of those he didn’t know the name, what could possibly hold him back from killing anyone that threatened your safety?

• Of course, he won’t tell you about that because there is a high chance you will oppose with his idea. So yeah, he will kill your foes behind your back if he figures that it is time for him to interfere. You don’t know why your enemies haven’t pestering you for a while, he will just shrug as well, saying that you don’t need to sweat over such trivial matters. Of course, the bodies have been taken care of, or not. But nonetheless, he still manages to leave without a trace

• If you want to, he can take you out to the bar where he usually goes to after work and have a drink with you there. There is a high chance you will be able to meet Katana as well. And don’t worry, as much as he looks quite intimidating, he means well. You have heard stories of him from Hyperlaser after all, so you know that Katana is a good guy. The three of you sometimes hang out together, that is if you want to tag along and engage into the conversation with two old guys then talking the times away

• Most of the time when duty doesn’t drag him out to exploit his labor, he will be at home quite a lots. There are a few times he will come home late due to his work, but don’t worry, he will send you a text to know that you don’t need to worry about him

• On the topic of that, when it’s you who is off to some duty for a good while, he will send you images of Princess on her daily lives as well as sending you messages to know that you are still alright. Don’t underestimate this guy’s photography skill with his phone. Sometimes you will be surprised at how precise he captures the shot of something happening within a blink. Another advantage of dating a sniper, probably. He knows his shot in the battlefield and when he needs a picture

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝

Note: I hate my periods so much ｡ﾟ(ﾟ>Д<)ﾟ｡

[galazry]

Finally... a glance...

pairing: best friend!scaramouche x gn!reader genre: modern au; friends to lovers; unfortunately, this is not angst; semi-crack? tbh i threw away all my logic while writing this. content: he finally confessed his feelings... at the worst possible way. before you could even answer, scaramouche had already run away. now you're left alone to wonder... how much of an idiot are you? cw: you get to learn how stupid both scaramouche and the reader are, also kazuha is here and is so tired with how his friends are acting. word count: 2K (I had a bit too much fun while writing this haha...) a/n: sequel to "Look at Me!". tbh i was planning to make a sequel that leads to an angsty ending. Don't worry, I'm not bamboozeling you guys this time 🫶 ALSO I'M SORRY THIS TOOK A LONG TIME I WAS SO BUSY 😭😭😭

It's been a week since Scaramouche confessed his feelings for you. Your aloof best friend for 5 years confessed that he had been harboring affection for you for the longest time. To be honest, you were quite baffled once those words poured out of his lips. Never had a single thought of him being infatuated with you crossed your mind. Hell, you even thought that if you were the last person on earth, he wouldn't even catch any feelings for you.

Oh, how you were proven wrong.

It's been too long since you've seen his figure. Seven days too long. None of the messages you've sent had been read, nor did he pick up any of your calls. His classmates knew nothing of his whereabouts, nor did he attend any of his classes. You even tried to go over to his apartment as you were sure he would be in there, but your knocks were met with silence.

The rest of your friends and classmates noticed how the usually lively atmosphere around you had gone gloomy. Currently, you were in the cafeteria, twiddling with your spoon, food untouched. You didn't really have an appetite as a heavy sigh left your lips. A week had pass and you were still trying to process everything that he had said; how Scaramouche had done everything to gain your attention, but all his efforts didn't bear fruit. You thought that all the things he had done were normal since you both had been best friends for a long time. Maybe it was why you didn't suspect him harboring feelings for you–

"Hey, [Y/N]. May I sit here?"

You begrudgingly lifted your head to the source of the familiar sound that had interrupted your thoughts. Kazuha. You nodded and your friend sat across from you.

"You seemed down in the dumps lately. Not only that, Scaramouche is nowhere to be found. Did you both had an argument of the sort?"

Leave it to Kazuha to sense the change in the atmosphere around you. You let out a sigh as you kept poking at your food. Not wanting to tell him the full truth, you only answered him briefly.

"No... No, we didn't."

"Ah, I see.”

You both continue to eat your food in silence – well, specifically, it was Kazuha who was eating his food, while you kept twiddling with your utensils. After a bit, you decided to break the silence. After all, this was Kazuha, one of your closer friends who, more you would sometimes confide in. Not as much as you did with Scaramouche, though.

“Actually… I guess we kind of did…? Scara kind of…” You take a deep breath, before muttering, “confessed to me…”

“Oh? Congrats to you both then. He finally had the courage to confess to you after harboring his feelings for you for so long. I don't see the reasoning for you to be so down in the dumps.”

Kazuha smiled, as if the words you said wasn’t a surprise to him. You, however, had your eyes as wide as saucers with the reaction he had given you. How did the platinum-blonde knew that Scaramouche liked you? The look on your face tells him that he was missing a big chunk of the story. Putting down his spoon, he leaned closer towards you and asked, “[Y/N], you did accept his feelings… right? This is what you have always wanted, no?” You slowly glanced away, not wanting to answer his question. Suddenly, to you, the trees outside looked that much more interesting as it swayed with the wind.

“[Y/N].”

“Look, I was shocked, alright?! The fact that the feeling was mutual was a complete shocker to me! And before I could process everything and answered him, he bolted right off!" You groaned, finally starting to spill the beans towards your friend, who suddenly felt his shoulders getting heavy.

“Oh dear…” Kazuha sighed as everything finally clicked into place. Even without you telling him the full details, he could already guess what had transpired between the two of you. He had always thought you both were a pair match in heaven and the event that had transpire prior really sealed said fact.

“This is why I told you to stop discussing your so-called ‘crushes’ in front of him.”

“Well…” After telling him the full story of what had happened that day, your friend could only let out a long and tired sigh as you fiddle with the hem of your shirt—the way you kept talking about the people, he knows you don’t have crush on in front of Scaramouche, and the way the indigo-haired confessed to you—he could only form a rueful frown on his face. “You know I’m stupid with these kinds of things and I thought if… you know…”

Kazuha knows. He knows how you thought that if you discuss your so-called 'crushes' with Scaramouche, you could discern if he has feelings for you as well. In addition to that, you also thought by making him jealous enough, your best friend would confess to you — which he did, though it didn't really end like how you wanted it.

"[Y/N]... Why couldn't you just be straightforward and confess your feelings for him...?"

"And look like a fool and possibly ruin our 5 years of friendship if the feeling wasn't mutual?!"

Kazuha massages his forehead as he remembers the conversation he had with Scaramouche weeks prior before the incident. He too had asked the indigo-haired why he didn't went up and be straightforward with his feelings. Scaramouche was, after all, infamous for speaking what's on his mind. In spite of that, Kazuha got the same answer like the one you gave him...

"There's no way I'm ruining my friendship with [Y/N] if the feeling wasn't mutual! Only an idiot would do that!"

To concur, you both really were a match in heaven— being total idiots oblivious to each others feelings and poor Kazuha was stuck in the middle. With a sigh, ruby orbs looked at you.

"So... What are you going to do now?"

"I don't know... Scara wouldn't even open the door for me-"

You stopped mid-sentence and stared at Kazuha. Before he could get a word out, you leaned towards him with a glint he knows so well. This can't be good...

"Kazuha... Your apartment is next to Scara's... right?"

A week.

A week long he had taken absence from attensing any of his classes. Scaramouche felt like his world crashed into him the minute he ran away from you. That wasn't how he wanted the confesion for you to go... There should have been flowers, or homemade cookies, anything.

The indigo-haired layed on his unmade head, constantly and silently cursing himself for his cowardly actions. He was about to mope some more when he heard a faint knock. At first, he ignored it, thinking that it was either you or Kazuha. Although, the knocks grew louder and louder, and even more desperate that, with a sigh, he got out of bed and walked towards the door.

Peering through the peephole he saw no one, yet the knocks kept coming. There was even a voice that kept calling out his name where was—

Indigo orbs dilated when they say your figure, on his balcony, pounding on the glass door, calling out his name. Without missing a beat, he immediately pulled you into his apartment. "Are you crazy?! How did you get into my balcony?!"

"From Kazuha's balcon-"

"FROM KAZUHA'S BALCONY?!?!"

He didn't gave you any time to reply as he began to check for any bruises or injury you may have suffered as you did your irresponsible stunt. All the while, he kept running his mouth, saying how you could have gotten hurt, and that he would have a talk with Kazuha for letting you do said stunt. Once he was sure that you did not suffer any injury, his hand immediately pinched your cheek. "[Y/N] [L/N]... What gave you the right idea to jump from his balcony to mine, hm?" Scaramouche asked with a smile, effectively sending chills down your spine. With a gulp, you answered him with as much confidence as you could muster.

"You kept avoiding me. My text, my calls, my knocks. Every time I try so hard to reach out to you, you constantly block out my efforts. So I had to do what I had to do. Even if the risk was great, as long as I get to talk to you that's all that matters." It was his turn to advert your gaze. Dropping his hands from your cheek, he then rubbed the back of his neck. Was it from shame? Or was the fear of you rejecting him now back to gnaw at his heart? The indigo-haired didn't know.

"Look, I know what you're going to say; That you have no feelings for me, I get it. No need for this whole stunt just to reject me," He let out a sigh, still holding onto the illusion that you never once hold any feelings for him. It was now your turn to prove him wrong, and to apologize for the misunderstanding that almost rift your friendship and potential relationship apart.

His eyes went as wide as saucers when your lips brushed against his. Soft. That was the only think he could think off once you pull away, the smile he had always adored and cherish now on your face. "I have feelings for you too, Scara." Suddenly, the dullness of the world around him became vibrant and colourful. The fluttering of the butterflies in his stomach could definitely cause a storm. This must be a dream, there's no way, in his mind, that this was all real. Or maybe it was some sort of cruel joke the heavens is playing on him.

Seeing the confusion reflected in his eyes, you explained to your best friend — how you actually had fallen head over heels for him; how you faked all your crushes to instigate a reaction from him; how you wonder if his aloofness was a sign that your feelings weren't reciprocated, but never did you once gave up. You wrapped everything up with an apology, that you could have done things better, and that you were ready to face a rejection from him. "After all," your hand cups his cheek, caressing it gently with your thumb, "this whole thing started because I wanted to make sure that you did have feelings for me. So, if your feelings for me have faded away, I would understa-"

"Idiot." He intercepts you mid-sentence, pulling you in for a hug. "You're stupid... Can't believe that you are a total idiot... Maybe this is the reason why you could never beat my scores... Always taking the most difficult and strangest route of them all." You were about to complain and ask about the correlation about academic scores and your current situation. However, the rare smile on his face as he looked at you as if you're his entire world completely shuts you up.

"But... I guess you're my idiot now, huh?"

.

.

.

You finally finished telling the story of how both you and Scaramouche started dating. The children, that you both were babysitting, had happy smiles on their face as your lover groans in embarrassment at the story. To the man, it was a cringey story, yet he never did once try to stop you from telling the kids about how your relationship with him started. He loved seeing the smile on your face, and if he had to endure hearing the same story over and over again, so be it.

Scaramouche wouldn't admit that he too, at that time, had been an idiot, for causing such a scene. Well, in the end, you both still got together and that's all that matters. Not to mention, you both have a fun story to tell to everyone as an added bonus.

Once the children's parents picked them all up, you both then snuggled on the couch. A soft humming filled the room as you gave Scaramouche a quick peck. "Hey," you started off and he immediately knows where this conversation is going. "One day, love. Right now, I want to savour these quiet and tranquil moments with you before this home of ours becomes lively and we have little spawns running around." He let out a small chuckle, holding your hand as his thumb traced the ring on your finger.

[haartemis]

I love you, it's ruining my life | Part II

pairing: Kylian x black!fem!Reader

word count: 3.5k

Taglist: @kymb-10

A/N: Part one can be found here. thank you all who read, i really appreciate it <3 . Please comment under this post if you'd like to be tagged on future updates of this series. my inbox is open, and i would love to hear your thoughts or any feedback you have.

II. May 2017

The hot sun cast a golden glow over Monaco as Y/N stepped out of the sleek black car that had picked her up from the airport. After months of Kylian’s persistent invitations and her own growing curiosity, here she was. She had recently wrapped up her exams and high school as a whole while Kylian’s jam-packed season was winding down to a close, so it was the perfect time for a visit. 

Everything looked newer here, shinier. Even the girls in front of her at customs looked like they came straight out of a magazine, with their long shiny hair and designer clothing. Her uneasiness had only increased after that. She had always known that Monaco was the playground for the rich, but what she hadn’t quite wrapped her mind around was that Kylian was now one of them. They hadn’t seen each other for the better part of the 4 years since that winter Kylian traveled to Madrid and their lives had changed drastically since then. 

Most of their correspondence ever since he moved to Monaco consisted of text exchanges that were short, and that were mostly made up of “Hey, How are you?”s and “How’s school?”s. Once, she caught one of his matches by chance and texted him “You’re on TV!!” to which he’d replied a few hours later “Haha, did you watch the whole match?”, and the conversation had fizzled out quickly after that.  On the rare occasions he visited Paris, Kylian didn’t make much effort to see her.  She didn’t take it personally; between his charitable commitments, media appearances and family, he didn’t have much time to catch up with old friends. They had their run-ins, however, and those involved interactions so careful and hesitant it bordered on awkward. In short, their relationship was not what it was years ago. It was expected, of course. Lots of things change during those teen years. People change. Even Y/N had expected it a little. An additional layer she hadn’t accounted for was Kylian’s career. He was playing elite football every weekend and getting paid millions for it, while she was trying to stay afloat during exam season. Their lives were going in two very, very different directions.  Even so, she’d accepted his invitation to come see him in Monaco for the weekend. The truth was she missed him a lot.  

“Y/N!” She had been so busy admiring the sleek and modern house in front of her that she hadn’t noticed Kylian’s mother standing by the front door. She strode to Fayza and was quickly engulfed in a warm embrace. 

When they broke away, Kylian’s mother cupped her cheeks and regarded her with an adoring look. “Oh my, what a beautiful girl you’ve grown into”. Y/N blushed and looked at the ground. 

“Come on let’s get you inside” Fayza took her bag and led her inside the house. Kylian’s mom asked about her flight, and whether she was hungry. She had some of Fayza’s delicious food before getting settled inside the guest room. She knew Kylian was in training and would be for a couple more hours, so she took her time exploring the house. Memorabilia of Kylian’s young career was littered around the residence. She recognized his first ever football jersey, the number 2 of AS Bondy framed on the wall leading to the living room. 

 In the late afternoon, she was reunited with Ethan, who once bubbly and loud, had grown shy in her presence. Though It only took an hour or so for him to go back to his usual self. Before long, they had set up a board game on the carpeted living room floor. The little boy quickly lost his excitement over that, however, and so they abandoned the game and he loaded up FIFA on the TV while she scrolled aimlessly on her phone.  

At around 8 PM, the exhaustion from the day of traveling caught up to her and she felt her eyes struggling to stay open. She made her way to the guest room and after quickly changing into her pajamas was engulfed by sleep within minutes of her body falling on the mattress.

Later on, she was woken by a knock on the door. She stirred, disoriented and groggy from the unplanned nap. The knock came again, this time more insistent. Her heart skipped a beat as she scrambled out of bed, quickly smoothing down her rumpled clothes. 

She opened the door, and there he was. All the uneasiness melted away at the sight of him. 

“What’s with all the pink?” Kylian pointed at her pajamas. “You look like the pink panther”

She glanced down at her ensemble before grumbling a quiet “shut up” and standing aside to let him into the room. Secretly, she was glad that he’d opted to greet her with teasing, something that was essential to their old dynamic. 

Kyilan walked into the room and flung his body on the bed with a thud. Y/N laid down next to him more quietly. “Nice place you’ve got out here. It’s really big” she said, staring up at the ceiling. 

Kylian stretched his body out lazily, in typical teenage boy fashion. He smirked and replied “That’s what she said”

Y/N rolled her eyes, unable to help the smile on her face.  She shoved him slightly, trying to regain space on the bed. “How was training?”

“It was good” he responded. “Sorry I kept you waiting. Coach made us do more drills than usual, and then the recovery session ran late. I really, really hate cryotherapy, but it helps with injury prevention so I guess I shouldn’t complain…”

As he spoke, Y/N’s gaze involuntarily drifted down his frame. The first thing she noticed was that he had grown a couple more inches from the last time she saw him. His eyes were as big and brown, and in her humble opinion, as pretty as ever. He had grown into some of his features, yet his face was full of the youthful softness that she’d come to adore. His skin was tanner than usual, no doubt from the fact that he spent most of his days running around on a football pitch under the glaring sun. 

She had  also caught the glint of the expensive watch on his wrist, and the way he’d stood with a subtle sense of self-assuredness at the door. The sight had been both familiar and foreign, strangely. 

“Wait, I have a funny video to show you from training”. As he shifted to get his phone out of his pocket, the sleeves of his Nike T-shirt rolled up slightly to reveal more of his smooth golden brown skin and toned bicep. The muscle flexed deliciously as he moved. She tore eyes away reluctantly. Suddenly, she became conscious of their proximity on the bed, and how if one of them moved an inch closer their arms would be touching. 

The video showed Kylian and two of his friends in the hot tub gleefully tossing someone’s phone around while the owner of the phone sat watching anxiously. Y/N giggled at their antics, certain that it had been Kylian’s idea. 

 In the corner of her eyes, she saw Kylian glance away from the screen of his phone to appraise her.

 “You look different, you know”

Y/N looked down at herself self-consciously. She would have preferred to look more put together for their reunion, maybe without sleep-disheveled hair and clothes that weren’t hot pink pajamas. “What do you mean?”

He shrugged, eyes now back on his phone. “I don’t know. You just look different”

She didn’t respond to that. She’d also experienced a growth spurt since the last time she saw him. She wondered if he studied her just as she’d studied him. Did he notice that she wore makeup now? Or the new signature perfume she’d adopted? Or, she thought, flushing, Did he notice she had boobs now?

Kylian stood up from the bed abruptly, knocking her out of her thoughts. He stretched out his arm for her and she took it. “Come, let’s go to the kitchen. I’m hungry”

She tried to ignore the warmth that spread through her at that contact. 

 

“So yeah, Amalfi was great” Isabelle said over the loud music.

Y/N nodded in what hopefully seemed an enthusiastic manner. She opened her mouth to respond but realized she had run out of things to say. The alcohol in her system seemed to have made the opposite of its intended effect; her social skills had been dulled. She turned her gaze to her cup and tried to think, but her head was spinning, albeit very slowly. It was her last night in Monaco and Kylian had taken her to a friend’s house party. She’d been introduced to some of his teammates and other friends. As the night went on, she’d found herself in the company of Isabelle, with Kylian nowhere to be found. Isabelle was apparently a friend of a friend of Kylian’s, having known him ever since he moved to Monaco. 

Y/N looked up from her cup to find Isabelle looking at her expectantly. 

A beat of excruciating silence ensued. 

“So how do you know Kylian again?” Isabelle mercifully asked.

“Oh, uh, we grew up together in Paris” Y/N responded gratefully. “Same neighborhood, same school. He’s much cooler now, except for the fact that he doesn’t have a driving license and doesn’t plan to get one. Like ever”

Isabelle let out a laugh. “Oh my god, tell me about it. That’s all Sophia ever complains about”

Y/N didn’t know who Sophia was, but she had her suspicions. Kylian had been texting on his phone on the dinner table so much the night before that his mother had scolded him. His eyes had been constantly drawn to his phone, his attention clearly divided between whatever was on it and the chatter of conversation between Y/N and the Mbappes. It hadn’t escaped the notice of Y/N and it had taken up more space in her mind than she’d liked, so much so that she’d stayed up in bed mulling it over.  Who else can it be, if not a girl?  She’d thought. 

She took a sip from her drink coolly. “Really?”

“Oh yeah, she wants a man that can drive her around. And I get it, you earn millions and you don’t want to get, like, a cool sports car? I’ve never met a guy like that”

Y/N stayed silent, waiting for her to add more. 

Isabelle leaned into her ear, and said in a hushed and conspiratorial tone, “But between you and me, she’s said that he’s really good in the bedroom. Like, he gets her there all the time, you know what I mean?”

Y/N winced at the strong alcohol breath coming out of Isabelle’s mouth. 

She leaned away and gave an exaggerated wink, as if she hadn’t laid everything out plainly. 

Their conversation shifted to other topics and Y/N’s mind wandered. She was glad she had found confirmation of what she already knew from someone else, because now she could control her reaction when he told her, if he planned to tell her. She felt a pang in her heart at the fact that they’d grown apart so much that Kylian had failed to mention a girlfriend to her. Maybe he thought it was a detail she wouldn’t care for. He’d updated her on practically every aspect of his life but this when they’d spoken yesterday. She cared, of course. So much so that she was contemplating how she’d react when she eventually found out. Would she be teasing, or nonchalant? Whatever it was going to be, she needed to be the picture of indifference. 

Maybe it was the information she’d just received, or the alcohol she wasn’t used to consuming, but she felt her stomach rolling. Isabelle, bless her, pointed her in the direction of the bathroom. Unfortunately, it was occupied. Deciding to try the upstairs bathroom, she hurried to the stairs and climbed the steps two at a time.  She was desperate to find a room to take a respite. 

The hallways of the second floor were completely empty. She tried opening several doors, but they were locked. She spotted a final door at the end of the hall. She walked over and turned the handle. To her immense relief, the door swung open easily. 

She immediately stopped in her tracks at what she saw in front of her. Kylian was sprawled on a sofa, his head lying on the lap of a girl. She was leaning down, her long blonde hair a curtain around them. She was caressing his forehead, and he was looking up at her, murmuring something Y/N couldn’t hear.  

Their heads snapped up as soon as they heard the door open, breaking the intimate spell. 

“I was looking for the bathroom” Y/N let out. She could feel the bile rising up to her throat. She quickly turned and walked away before they had a chance to respond. 

A woman walking towards her saw the panicked look on her face and pointed her to the bathroom. An unoccupied one, finally. Everything she had consumed throughout the day immediately left her body as soon as she saw the open toilet bowl. She retched and retched, feeling the scratch on her throat. Afterwards, she looked at herself in the mirror and cringed. Her mascara was running down her face, and her curls had turned extremely frizzy. She did her best to fix both her makeup and her hair before leaving the bathroom.

She found Kylian sitting on the stairs. He looked up at her, concern clearly written in his deep brown eyes. Her heart swelled at the sight. My sweet Kylian, she thought. 

“Are you okay?” He asked as she sat beside him.

“My tummy wasn’t great for a while there, but all good now!” She chirped.

“Oh, ok. I’m glad. I-”

“So, you have a girlfriend now, huh?” she said, before he could make any more comments about her state.

He rolled his eyes at her and smiled. “What? Is that hard to believe?” 

“No,not at all” She said. “ I mean, I don’t see how she can see past your coconut shaped head, but that’s just me”

He gave her a shove in response, and she giggled.

“Soo…?” She looked at him expectantly. 

“Her name is Sophia. We met through one of my buddies at Clairefontaine. And we’re not dating dating, we’re just…” He trailed off, avoiding her gaze. 

“Hooking up?”

“Yeah” he said sheepishly. “But its not all there is to it. It’s complicated”

“How long?”

“Like, 3 months?” he shrugged. “We’ve been talking for longer than that, though”

There was a brief pause as she processed the information. 

“That’s nice… I’m glad you’re... having fun, I guess” She measured her words. 

He hesitated, then added “Actually, there’s something else I haven’t mentioned yet”

What now? She thought bitterly. 

“I’m moving back to Paris” he revealed. “To play for PSG”

Her eyes widened. She had been vaguely aware that there were football transfer rumors surrounding Kylian that summer, but she hadn’t paid much attention to them.

“And, uh, I was really hoping we could hang out and stuff. Like old times” he continued “I miss you, you know. I wish we’d stayed in touch more” 

He had a hopeful look on his face, which made what she was about to tell him even harder. 

“Congrats, Kyks” she said, leaning her head on his shoulder. “But you should know, I’m also gonna be moving. To the US for university.”

Kylian looked at her, clearly surprised. “Really?”

“Yeah, to John Hopkins to study biomedical engineering” She looked at her lap shyly.

Kylian let out a joyous laugh, and her heart swelled at the sight of his dimples. “I don’t know what that even means but I’m so proud of you”

“ I’m really proud of you too, Kylian”

She felt a twinge of sadness that she wouldn’t be there for the next chapter of his career, but she was excited for him. This was the natural next step for him. 

They held eye contact for a few seconds. Once again, their lives were changing. Who knew what kind of relationship they’d have in a year’s time. All she knew was that she wanted him in her life, no matter what. She could see the same realization in  Kylian’s eyes. 

“Even if you’re not in Paris,” he said. “I want to stay friends. I want you to be in my life.”

She nodded, trying to stop her eyes from welling up with tears. 

They sat there in silence for a few minutes, and Y/N was reminded of the times they spent in silence when they were younger, with unspoken understanding and easy companionship flowing between them. The days when they’d be sat in her room, her by her desk doing her homework and him on the floor flipping through his Manga. Her mother would bring them some snacks and would deliberately leave the door open as she left, her way of keeping a watchful eye on them, much to the embarrassment of Y/N. For her part, she would relish the times when Kylian was so absorbed by whatever was in front of him that she’d be able to take long, furtive glances and drink in  his long eyelashes, or the way his eyebrows furrowed in concentration.

“Did you really think I’d hide a whole girlfriend from you?” his voice brought her out of her reverie. 

“Well, it turns out you were hiding an entire situationship from me” She pointed out. 

“I don’t know how to talk to you about these things, to be honest” Kylian said awkwardly.

She understood. She hadn’t told him about  what little developments there were in her romantic life, either. She didn’t know how that would go. 

She scooted closer to him. “Ok. From now on, let's talk about these things. No matter how weird it feels. Pinky promise”

She held out her pinky finger, and he wrapped his around it with a smile on his face. 

“Can I ask why it's complicated? You looked really comfortable with her back there” She regretted asking the question as soon as it came out of her mouth. 

“I don’t know” He paused, clearly thinking about his answer “ I think maybe it’s my trust issues. People here know me as Kylian Mbappe, number 29 for Monaco. They don’t know me like you do. Plus, I don’t think I would even have time for a serious relationship. And I’m not stringing her along either, if you were thinking that. We’ve talked about it openly  ”

Y/N felt strangely reassured by that. 

“And maybe..." he paused, contemplating his next words. "Maybe things would be different if you were here”

His eyes held an intense look, as if trying to convey something his lips couldn’t and wouldn’t dare to.

Her breath caught in her throat.  Before she could say something in response, Kylian’s phone rang out. It was his driver, here to pick them up. Kylian had training early the next day, and disciplined as he was, made sure to set a curfew for himself. They left the party immediately, the conversation discarded just like that. 

In the car, Y/N’s mind ran through the contents of the evening. She was glad that Kylian made no effort to introduce her to Sophia. She didn’t know if she could keep up the pretense of indifference if she saw them together again. Whenever her mind went to the scene she’d found them in the bedroom, something in her deflated. It would have hurt less if she’d caught them in bed doing the deed, she later decided. She could still see it in her mind; how relaxed he looked with his head on her lap, how their faces were so close together. Girlfriend or not, it was clear they had casual intimacy Y/N  thought he’d never have with anyone else besides her. 

Pretty early on in their friendship, Y/N had made peace with the fact that she would be sharing her best friend with the rest of the world. She had always known he was destined for greatness, and that he would be loved by many. But deep down, she always believed that there wouldn’t be anyone that would love him the same way she did, that had access to him like she did, and that knew him the way she did. She hadn’t realized it, but she’d come to Monaco with a fantasy in her mind that all of a sudden he’d look at her differently, that he’d finally see her the way she did him. How wrong she was.  It was idiotic of her to assume that someone like him would stay single or celibate. He was a good looking 18 year old millionaire with more charisma than most grown men. All he’d have to do was flash those dimples to get any girl he wanted. 

Then, there was the part from the evening that lingered with her the most. Maybe things would be different, if you were here. Y/N’s mind whirled. 

When they got home, Y/N sat with her laptop open in the guest room. What Isabelle said had also stuck with her. On Google, she typed Is female orgasm common?

She clicked the top result and skimmed the article until she found her answer:  More than 90% of men usually experience orgasm in their intercourse; among women, this proportion is only around 50%.

Well, what a lucky girl Sophia was. Y/N shut her laptop angrily.

[optimisticgardenhologram]

I’m so obsessed with Mello and Near’s complicated, fascinating, heartbreaking dynamic. If only Mello wasn’t such a little shit (affectionate) and could’ve just put aside his ego and actively joined up with Near sooner, almost certainly they would have taken down Kira much sooner and he would’ve survived.

But this said, I want to propose that he already was gradually making his way there and by all evidence he WAS starting to overcome the inferiority complex that dogged him his whole life. And I think it's one of the great tragedies of the story.

To start, something imo interesting is it was always Mello that was actively tried to make their “partnership” (or situation ship, or using-each-other ship – basically helping each other however you cut it) happen, even though HE’S specifically the one that rejected it in the first place. To me it seems after the mafia raid where he lost everything, and nearly his life, Mello started to accept that Kira is his real enemy not Near. That dividing his attention and efforts between maintaining his rivalry with Near and hunting down Kira is unsustainable and ultimately futile.

First, he’s the one who came to Near, who shared more information than a simple even-ing of the playing field would require. There was a lot that Mello knew and Near didn’t about the notebook, something that only someone whose seen and used it and has interacted with the Shinigami could know. If Mello wanted to ensure he kept the lead position in their race and just wanted to not be in Near’s debt for the photo, he could have told Near something of less consequence – but instead Mello told Near THE singularly most important clue he uncovered, the critical fact needed to break open the case - the truth about 13 day rule.

Mello is the one who chooses to send leads to Near instead of continuing to work alone – I honestly think delivering Mogi was something of an unspoken peace offering. And again it was essential to Near’s investigation – Light wasn’t allowing him to speak to the Task Force team and Near wasn’t going to force the issue but he also didn’t have any OTHER leads to follow and he was in danger of stagnation. It was only because of the situation Mello created that Near was able to interview Aizawa and deduce Kira's identity as Soichiro Yagami's son, Light.

Although Near is and always has been willing to work together he never expends real effort to it. And I don't think it's out of malicious intent - this is just how Near is; it's absolutely in line with his character to not initiate, to make minimal exertion while quietly observing. But it's not that he doesn't NEED Mello's help - Near does, and he knows it. Whether it's offered willingly or just a by-product of being an observer to Mello's pot-stirring, every step forward Near's been able to make was a result of Mello's actions. And yet Near passively accepts the information and leads Mello offers him but without reciprocating at the same level. 

Near protects Mello’s photo for 4 years hoping Mello will come to him. Once he becomes aware of the fact that Mello and Halle are in cahoots he “allows” the situation to continue happening and lets Halle share information with Mello at her discretion, without really getting involved. Near tells Halle she can let Mello know what Aizawa came forth with, but to NOT tell him Kira’s identity.

Mello hypothesizes that Near might have told him what he does about Aizawa and Mogi in the hope that he'd would make some move directly against them which Near could then observe and benefit from the outcome. If that was indeed Near's intent, one can understand how it can be interpreted as disingenuous and unsportsmanlike. If anything Near's the one who holds his cards close. But to be honest...Mello isn't pissed off this time; he seems okay with it. Ultimately he chooses to change targets instead (because at this point he's independently also identified Light Yagami as L aka Kira), but by this point he seems more at peace with their pattern of give and take. 

I think the extent to which they leaned on each other, not only to reveal the fake notebook at the very end and gain the win, but literally every step of the way throughout the entire case is something that tends to be overlooked by fandom, but Near and Mello themselves are well aware of their co-dependency.

And IF Mello somehow lived through the Takada incident to see the end, I truly think the way the events panned out – with the little steps towards cooperation that happened along the way as well as knowing he was able to see and expose the most critical piece of the puzzle, the flaw in the plan that Near overlooked and would have caused him to fail  - it would have been enough to make them something close ‘equal’ in Mello's mind. 

Because he was already making his way there on his own terms, building towards something like trust; like a wet, hungry, feral kitten (sorry for the analogy LOL) to a safe home. And though it would still take time and work to build a healthy relationship, he could have accepted starting to work with Near and sharing L’s mantle. And future-Near wouldn’t end up languishing unmotivated, unhappy and alone.

Unfortunately though, Death Note is not a series for happy endings.

[mariacallous]

If it is not a burden to you, could you share details about old Star Wars EU, particularly about '80s-'90s, that you find interesting? Kind of interested in The Mindset that writers and fans had in the day.

Sure! Placing this under a read more because I have a lot to say and don't want to subject everyone to walls of text right away. I don't know if this addressed your question or if there's more you'd like me to discuss/explore!

The first thing I'll say is that what's interesting is that, from the beginning, canon and continuity have always been incredibly flexible with Star Wars. There are essentially no fans who follow or accept what's established or set as canon in its entirety, which is one of the reasons that Star Wars has endured so long and how people are able to stay with it in spite of the Everything of it all. Essentially, everything has some level of truth or accuracy or canonicity to it, even if the overall work itself does not.

Lucasfilm (and now Disney) have always reserved the right to make changes and retcons, too.

Additionally, George Lucas said there were "two universes" - the stuff he came up with in the movies (and other select works), and then the stuff expanded upon in the other works like comics and books. They're meant to reference each other and try to be consistent, but they can (and do) go off in other directions, with the films or George Lucas-stated canon idea or element invalidating the EU one.

I think what's important to know is that for the longest time, George Lucas stated that anything that happened/was set, in-universe, prior to the start of A New Hope/Episode IV was off-limits to writers and creators (this is a general statement and oversimplification, because there are things which were explored/allowed at times), so most of the books, comics, cartoons etc. took place after ANH and especially after Return of the Jedi/Episode VI. So because of that, for the longest time, the years prior to the Battle of Yavin were sort of nebulous and indistinct - obviously characters and events would be referenced or used, but you would never actually really *see* those events take place. Obviously, once the prequel trilogy was released starting in 1999 with The Phantom Menace/Episode I, that changed because now we have a fixed point in time and fixed series of events leading to what happens in the original trilogy movies.

Hitting pause on that for a second, the other thing to keep in mind is that it wasn't really until the late 80s/early 90s that there's an effort for continuity and consistency (partly because that's where you have some of the most successful and interesting books released, like the Thrawn Trilogy, and things starting to reference or more focusedly build off of each other, and so now Lucasfilm and its licensing staff *have* to start being more thoughtful and careful because now everything is becoming more referential) which is pretty apparent if you look at the comics and some of the other works and then the works that came out in the 90s and onwards (up to 2014 when the Legends shift occurred).

Anyway, all of that to say is that, much like with Star Trek and its fiction writings, there wasn't always a consistent effort and then, when it became more profitable and successful, a more singular continuity was established.

Now that I've spent all this time providing some of the logistical and other background, I think some of the ideas that I really liked and found interesting about the EU, and why while I'm sad that the shift happened in 2014, I can also see why it did (even if I don't agree with it) because a lot of the works reflect a late to post-Cold War but pre/early days of the War on Terror way of thinking about things.

I will also say that the definitive beginning of the end, for me, is the New Jedi Order series - which came out in 1999, at the same time as The Phantom Menace, and from that point on you see the shift to the War on Terror era kind of thinking, and the financial crisis and all of the cracks and insecurities that we were dealing with in terms of how the world order and, particularly in America, how our system of government was creaking and struggling and how far things had gone. The stories both get grittier and bleaker and it's also where you can see how the environment would come about that led to the sequel trilogy and the new continuity.

Anyway, the things I like about the EU from the 80s and particularly the 90s:

-The difficulties of governing a diverse and fractious democratic coalition, particularly in the wake of the downfall of a racist autocratic dictatorship which itself arose from the flaws and failures of a brittle and weakened republican system. Even without all of the crises and enemies and Doomsday Weapons of the Week, there's so much pressuring the New Republic and the tensions involved in trying to address them without completely abandoning the core beliefs which drove the Rebel Alliance that established said New Republic. There's everything from corruption concerns to bitter factionalization to resource constraints and balancing the needs, sometimes mutually exclusive, of different groups. Sometimes this is handle or illustrated better than others, but it is consistent, and in a way that isn't just pew pew pew laser gun baddies badding. That obviously happens, but there's more to it than that.

-The focus on non-main characters and non-Force users. Some of the best books, IMO, are things like the X-Wing series, which involves a diverse squadron of fighter pilots taking on enemies of the New Republic and navigating life and the galaxy in those changing times. They're all gifted and skilled, but not necessarily in any extraordinary way - they're just a group of beings coming together to fight wrongs and help others. They're so interesting and (usually) handled well by the writers. They have some of the most enduring characters and just really kind of go into a different perspective with more average and common individuals.

-There's more exploration of different parts of the galaxy and different ways of life and situations - I just love how much it helps reinforce how large and diverse and interesting the GFFA is.

[kandadze]

Ep 30 loose thoughts

Whoo boy, I'm scared.

Wow, ZYC's words really hit LL *hard*. Still not sure if it's going to be enough for him to stop being a malice, quitting cold turkey rarely actually works.

ZYZ waiting for him... I immediately got distracted by the fact that there seems to be a weiqi board between them?! How about you just play a round instead of killing each other?

Yet another scene we've already seen in the MV... ZYZ gifting LL the Truth Eye. (I've watched it so many times I'm literally trying to predict the ending by piecing together the scenes we weren't shown in the eps so far 😅)

Oh dear, it's like whatever they try to say, it comes out wrong. Their worldviews are so different, they're bound to misunderstand each other no matter how much they might still love each other.

It breaks my heart that ZYZ is still hoping for a draw. This demon loves and loves and loves in spite of everything. 😭

Oh but I do kinda get how LL's tentative hope got crushed here. He so desperately wants to live and mean something to ZYZ, he will not see leaving Bai Jiu's body as an atonement - he'll see ZYZ's requesting it, without any alternative, as yet another proof that ZYZ doesn't care about what's going to happen to *him*.

Isn't ZYZ supposed to be the strongest demon or something? Don't tell me he's poisoned as well!

HUH??? WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE LOST ALL HIS DEMONIC POWER??? How? When???

Explain yourselves ffs!

Oh no PSJ just watched her brother die in front of her for the third time... 😭

Oof the whole sequence hurt like a bitch, Lin Ziye hit it out of the ballpark with his acting yet again, and I very much love how this was a team effort instead of the two great demons showdown... But ngl I feel like Bai Yan was completely useless. You're a fucking tree spirit as old as the gods! Why aren't you helping???

*Now* you're whipping out the goddamn root??? I think you could've presented it as an option for him *while* asking him to vacate Bai Jiu's body, he *was* open to suggestions! (I love the dramatic fight scenes as much as the next guy, but now in the light of this new info it seems to me that *this* particular fight - AND THE RESULTING DEATHS - was potentially completely unnecessary??? Once this is all over can you please take some time to work on your communication skills, people!) But also fuck this guy, he'd said he was not going to hurt Ying Lei! Dishonor on him and his goddamn cows!

ZYZ, you big ol' softie!!! (But also, this changes my understanding of the scene at the creation stone somewhat... let's see if they expand on this in any way.)

NO, YING LEIIIIII!!!! 😭 I *wish* ZYC had healing powers omg this was so rude!!! (Also not his last words being his encouragement to Bai Jiu!!! Who's not even conscious at this point!!! 😭😭😭)

"This time we draw." You mofos!!!

This still doesn't explain anything about *why* all his demonic power is gone. Did he use it all up to restore the sword? Is it because he was the only source of power that the creation stone could draw from this time, as opposed to when he rebuilt the tower - with LL?

They're back to breaking my heart with their bond and the - rather one-sided at this point - bickering. Scold him, ZYC, you'll both feel better!

Bai Jiu, this poor kid, I can't even begin to imagine what he's going through right now. Even with ZYC there, the weight on him must be enormous. (I hope someone goes to PSJ as well...) Aaaand they made me cry again. Ying Lei understood humans so well! Food can totally be a love language. And he used his powers to make sure the easily perishable snack he made for Bai Jiu wouldn't spoil!!! 😭😭😭

I'm glad they showed us WX doing her best to comfort PSJ. I love that they showed us that PSJ does have the very human wish to be special in some way, to feel needed and accepted, and how having that can translate into strength to protect and make sacrifices in return. I hope she goes back to kicking ass real soon.

After "this"??? Whatever the heck do you mean, ZYC? Are you planning on offing yourself to heal WX? (I know that ZYZ would have totally done it already, save for the tiny issue of having no demonic power at the moment...) Yeah, this totally sounds as if he was saying his goodbyes ffs

ZYZ is a vision in this white outfit and with the light pouring onto him from above. Also, ZYC reaching out to him like *that* yet again. It was almost enough to distract me from the fact that they seem to be withholding info about the poison from each other, without realizing that they both already know. What are you two planning, you self-sacrificial idiots???

Whew okay, this was a ride and a half. Onto ep 31 since apparently I have access to it, and I'd rather break my heart in one go instead of prolonging the agony. This way I can bawl my eyes out for the rest of the weekend and still appear functional at work on Monday.