#it's that the things that are happening are more linear and out in the open

[greenerteacups]

I think I read somewhere that you haven't outlined book 6 and 7, but I was just curious out of all the seven books which one would you think will be the longest in Lionheart? GoB is my fave so far but then again I said that about every new books I read when it came out

I am proud to report I have much stockier outlines for them now! They are Growing. Book six in particular is a doozy, I think it's 3,000 words and that's just the major beats. Book 4 is actually bigger than Book 5 will be, if I can stick to my projected word counts (she said, with teeth gritted), and if all goes according to plan for 6 and 7, then Book 4 will remain the longest — it's just doing so much to set up where everyone is in the second half of the series, and it's a tonal transition point for the books as well, so in a sense it's doing the most work of any installment.

[bamsara]

I'll ask, if it hasn't been already - regarding the tags on the fanfic poll:

What kinda things make you click out/give you the squick? I'm so curious 👀

rubs my hands together: could be a mix of things anywhere between character dynamics, personalities or even how the fic is formated

Btw for people who don't know what squicks are: 'Squicks' are just personal preferences that someone doesn't like. Nothing wrong with em it's just not your vibe. (Exp: Like how all my friends HATE tomatoes but I am tomato eater forever)

anyway long ramble list:

Can't read big blocks of text without breaks very well, and I dislike when characters (esp main characters that are talking in every chapter/scene) have bolded or italicized dialogue. I think it's fine for special reoccurring characters but it genuinely messes up with reading flow for me when it comes to taking in information if used too much

If I'm reading a fic specifically for a monogamous romantic paring, I don't care for the 'past lover interest reappears' trope or one of them currently has one, or the love triangle that results in one of them being like 'oh but i love them both i can't possibly choose!' *cough twilight cough* it just makes the relationship feel disgenuine and icky. zero stars. Any mention of a character's past relationship usually makes me just click out, just personally not here for that

-^^^ to go with this, big fan of the 'misunderstanding where someone thinks there's a love rivelry but the third person never had a chance.' Like to the main pairing there's only eyes for each other and that's all they care about, there's just some third person who's there and causing problems (either because someone in the pairing is jealous of the third person thinking they're gonna steal the other when it's not, or the third person thinks they're a love rival when in reality they're not even thought about) *cough Tyren cough*. I think there's a lotta comedy to have with this. Bonus points if it brings main pairing closer together

When characters have linear character development and recovery. I prefer my characters to realistically relapse and bit a little bit of a hypocrite as they develop from start of story to end. Failing and falling short and again makes the final result much more satisfying when they're healing

When characters use 'therapy speak' or otherwise react perfectly 'acceptable' to stressful situations. Again, I prefer realistic depictions of characters under stress, and work out becoming better under that stress rather than just One Big Thing Happen and suddenly they're never going to react negatively or lash out again because another character told them It Was Bad and To find Better Coping Mechanisms.

Unhappy endings. (Or open ended ones) Sorry for hurt/no comfort lovers but none of my fics will have unhappy endings. I like my stories to have people that go through absolute hell and still come out on the otherside

The ace in me doesn't care for fics where physical attraction is a large part of the ingredients that gets the pairing together. Not saying they can't admire each other when the sunlight hits them or wearing a nice outfit but just not a fan of reading about how 'sexy' a character is to another. Probably why I usually blast all my characters with the aspec beam

That's all I can think of off the top of my head but if someone had a more specific question I might be able to answer

[headspace-hotel]

current progress in theories of ecological succession!!!!!! This paper lists 19 different ecological succession theories and their perspectives and limitations

Before I knew its name, I knew succession....I still remember the exact moment of realizing the endless flow of change moving through the ecosystem around me. Looking at weeds, shrubby woods, gardens, and fields, I was seeing this unfolding and expanding web of trajectories and possibilities, and it was like peering into the secrets of the universe.

And ever since I've paid attention to it. Constantly observing the movement in ecosystems and its patterns.

All of these theories are partially correct but incomplete. How could we ever come up with a complete theory of succession? It's like studying the convergence of order and chaos itself. Some of the important tensions of succession brought up in this paper are:

Does the environment determine which plants survive, or do the plants that survive determine the environment? (both)

Does the plant community before disturbance determine post-disturbance regeneration, or does dispersal of new plants determine it? (both)

Are communities at different successional stages formed by whatever random assemblage of plants happens to exist at that stage, or are plant communities adapted to form certain stages of succession? (both)

Is succession a process of maturity of one big thing, or cycles of death and life of a bunch of smaller things? (both)

Do plants exclude other plants from niches as succession progresses or do they open up new niches? (both)

Is succession cyclical or linear? (both)

and like ok. this topic will get me sounding like some kind of deeply unscientific weirdo because I will be like Yes, The Weeds Taught Me The Secrets of Order and Chaos. but also this is a topic in science where all the literature written for non-layperson specialist audience makes Sense.

I was really excited reading this paper because this is like, the stuff I think about randomly all the time. like the other day I just basically blacked out and wrote like 2000 words about The Nature of Disturbance and Temporal and Spatial Dimensions of Ecosystem Change not even thinking about how I was writing about succession, and almost made my brain blow up.

like each successional theory developed so far has highlighted part of the big picture but there are several pieces of the puzzle that have barely been articulated yet. my questions:

Disturbance: What Does It Mean. When talking about something alive and changing, there is no stable state of being, so what does it mean to "disturb" an ecosystem? Every ecosystem is maintained by disturbance, like in an old-growth forest animals will graze and trample and trees will occasionally die and fall and there will be storms and fires and that is part of what a forest is. So like...where is the line between a disturbance that maintains an ecosystem at "climax," and a disturbance that makes the ecosystem no longer "climax."

disturbance, even the most severe and devastating disturbance with near 100% mortality of all plants, does not fully erase the previous plant community. so like, early-successional communities aren't a blank slate, but there is a such thing as an "early-successional community" in the sense that weed species not visible in the pre-disturbance community will pop up. Now, a lot of the theories assume that long-distance seed dispersal (and the availability of seed sources and dispersers) influences the arrival of weeds, but I think the soil seed bank is just as important if not MORE important. Do all soil seed banks have plenty of weeds? Do they have different weeds or the same weeds? Do those weeds match what was there the last time there was a weed community on that site?

disturbance is usually distributed over the land SUPER unevenly except in cases of lawns, logging and industrialized farming. at what spatial scale do edge effects irretrievably muddle the concept of discrete early-successional or late-successional communities. Like if you go into the forest and bulldoze a patch of forest down to bare dirt, that patch is fundamentally different from the bare dirt in a huge housing development, just because of being directly adjacent to a forest. Even completely disregarding seed dispersal- it's shaded, it is affected by the leaf litter and fine woody debris, etc.

I would tentatively state that linear processes of change occur in most man-made environments that are disturbed cyclically, for example, lawns- intensively managed monoculture lawns seem to persist in a lush state for a short time before the grass starts to die. most tilled agricultural fields are losing topsoil and fertility in a linear fashion. so like, the land has an accumulative legacy of tens or hundreds of disturbance cycles. Isn't this likely to be true on a much larger temporal scale? Like, is a forest ecosystem now affected by the fact that it was a prairie 1,500 years ago?

likewise, might this accumulative legacy be necessary for certain ecosystems to reach a "climax" state? e.g. prairie will overgrow into woodland in a few decades absent any disturbance, but cyclic disturbance by fire allows the cumulative progression of a larger successional process

[yanderestarangel]

Will there possibly be any more Tio Miguel O’Hara au???

𝐌𝐈 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋 ��� 𝐓𝐈𝐎 𝐌𝐈𝐆𝐔𝐄𝐋 𝐎'𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀 - 𝐄𝐑𝐎𝐓𝐈𝐂 𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐘

꒰∩´ ᵕ `∩꒱ ── Hi guys, I remembered I have a blog, hehe:3

˖ ࣪⊹ ִ┈┈┈┈ ♰ ┈┈┈┈ ⊹ ִֶָ𓂅

౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ "Before you, silence and emptiness for me were like an open, painful wound that stained my clothes a calloused, uncomfortable red. But with you, silence became just a space to be filled with your laughter and ethereal presence. My thoughts turn to you, my sweet nephew, loose and deliberate... I really shouldn't feel this way, but you don't know how much it affects me just by you being you." - 𝐒𝐈𝐆𝐍𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐘: 𝓽𝓲𝓸 𝓶𝓲𝓰𝓾𝓮𝓵.

˖ ࣪⊹ ִ┈┈┈┈ ♰ ┈┈┈┈ ⊹ ִֶָ𓂅

➜ This AU will probably become a fic with non-linear chapters, that is, I will post in non-chronological order of the canonical events that happened. [ There will be several alt. routes and you can suggest more ideas about this AU. ]

˖ ࣪⊹ ִ┈┈┈┈ ♰ ┈┈┈┈ ⊹ ִֶָ𓂅

★☆ Notes: This is a work of dark romance/content, please do not read if you are a sensitive person, I am not romanticizing abuse or abusive relationships, this is just fiction.

♡ ┆ TW: written in the form of a poem, corruption, step!incest, dark romance, ftm reader, abusive relationship, mourning, dumbfication, manipulation, age gap, eat out, creampie, sex without a condom, dub con, afab anatomy

You weren't so naive as to not notice your Tio's lascivious gaze on your body ─ especially when you wore short, white dresses on hot days, your skin shone with a thin layer of sweat while your curves were otherwise hidden by thicker fabrics and dense spaces were exposed to the world and the cowboy's dark eyes.

The same lips that kissed you so innocently one day, held the hot tongue that would bring your ruin filled with lust. He had a negligent look, a harsh air, he was the same man who had made you taste the fruit of forbidden desire ─ far from everything and everyone, you two did not share the innocent courtship of being just a nephew and uncle... But before for you to stop like a whore, with your legs open for someone you swore would never feel anything... It hadn't started like that.

Desire, like all things in the world, had to have an origin, guidance and explanation ── everything could have started with the cruel grief of losing the wife that Miguel loved so much, the woman's name was not even uttered by his mouth, the same painful memory of lost nights of empty promises cut by the tragic and sharp scythe of death and destiny. The tanned-skinned man spent nights questioning the direction of his life and the classic question: "why me?".

Without an answer however, he sank even deeper into his own mind, the emptiness of his home now without a wife and the future children that were idealized by both of them had not come to fruition.

A foolish, lost and purposeless man was what he was.

So, just as the devil tries to make sin, he had finally found something that filled the void that was once held in his hard and dirty soul ── you. He tried to repress these feelings, it wasn't love, it wasn't a pure and polished love, it was a corrupted feeling of possession and obsession ─ he wanted to control your life, control you and make you his forever, trap you somewhere where you would stay safe from the dangers of the dirty world where they lived; but he himself was this dirt.

Then, slowly he began to enter your life even more like a parasite implanting the dirty thoughts you would later have about him. Taking you away from your family and manipulating everything and everyone into believing that he was the best person to take care of you ─ after all, he was just a concerned Tio... Or not?

Like a waltz with the devil, it all began that hot summer night with a dance ─ without protests and murmurs of complaints you followed him to an isolated place where your family's celebration was taking place that night, the warm orange light coming from the old tile ceiling warmed your cheeks and made you blush even more under the brunette's deep gaze.

Miguel watched as you moved to the music, his gaze mesmerized by the fluidity of your movements. A soft smile graced his lips as he took in the sight before him- the youthful vigor and elegance you possessed. He couldn’t help but be drawn to you, even if it sometimes stirred up a whirlwind of conflicting emotions within him.

He wasn't just your tio, was he? No more, if he ever was to begin. His large hand caressed his waist, gently but firmly gripping the fabric of your blouse soft under his touch. His thumb brushed against his back, effortlessly guiding you through the dance.

"My precious angel", he murmured, his voice practically low. "You look like a dream, like a celestial being that has somehow landed among us mortals. It makes me want to take that dream and hold on to it forever."

He brought you closer, as if he was going to devour you ─ He moved like a predator, he looked at you like a predator... He was a predator.

Tio Miguel's lips traced a burning path along the sensitive skin of your neck, each kiss leaving a trail of heat as his hands slid down and squeezed your ass possessively. His breath was hot against your skin, a mix of whiskey and desire that sent shivers down your spine. His moans were hoarse, filled with a primal hunger.

He pulled back slightly, dark eyes ablaze with lust, his gaze falling to your chest, where your breasts strained against the fabric of your blouse. The hunger in his eyes was almost palpable, tacit and obscure, there was no point in running and maybe you didn't even want to escape, it was like a tempting trap that would hurt you deliciously.

"Mi prince," he rasped, his voice rough with need. "You're so beautiful. So fuckin' beautiful."

He let out a low chuckle, the sound dark and predatory, as he grabbed your waist with one hand and pressed you against him. His hardness nudging between your legs, making you aware of his desire for you.

"Let's go somewhere more private, mi vida. It's time to show you just how much I want you." His lips crushed against yours, the intensity of your kiss staggering. His tongue thrust into your mouth, tangling with yours, the taste of whiskey and raw desire overwhelming. His hands moved with purpose, tugging at your clothes, urgently trying to rid you of any barriers between you both. He nibbled gently at your lips, pulling back to whisper against your mouth.

"Don't fight me, mi chico guapo. We both know you want this." With a low growl, he pulled you close once more, your lips crushing against his as your hands moved with purpose. His fingers expertly explored your soft body, teasing and coaxing you to the edge of pleasure. As his thumb brushed your clit, he swallowed your moans, his own desire heightened by the sacred taboo of his actions.

"Tell me if you want me to stop, my life. But I can't promise I will." Miguel said, but you both had the idea that that wasn't what was going to happen, especially when his tongue licked your pink flesh so well and made your legs tremble around his head ── his calloused and warm hands separated the flesh again softness of your thighs, making your breasts bounce and you tremble and whimper slyly for more.

Sin was good, so you two were condemned to a hell of unlimited pleasure and lust, without judgmental looks from others. Just you and your dear Tio Miguel. You moaned dirty, incoherent sentences, just looking for more friction with the other man's mouth, you were both moaning with need ─ you were both a mess of repressed desire and unthought-out consequences.

Your tio's hot tongue left your entrance, but before any scream of protest you saw him take off his pants quickly and lower them to his knees, exposing his muscular thighs and his thick cock with veins pulsing strongly, the smell of musk filled your nose as you felt the heat radiate from the older man’s member.

Uncle Miguel's cock pulsed as it passed your entrance, the swollen head teasing your clit before entering your comfortable, warm pussy. Every inch of their sensitive flesh reveled in the forbidden embrace, eagerly awaiting the moment they would finally become one. He growled softly, muscles tensing as he thrust inside, filling you with his thick erection.

Miguel's grip enveloped you like a vice, the sensation overwhelming you both-- his eyes locked with yours, the intensity of the connection incendiary, as he slowly advanced. His size made him feel huge, stretching you despite the ample lubrication. His moan of pleasure joined his groan of pain, a symphony of raw desire and urgency. His hands shook slightly as he thrust into you, the animalistic sounds of your union echoing in the small space.

Each thrust was deliberate, calculated to maximize his pleasure and his own desire. "Mi rei, are you okay?" he panted, the muscles in his abdomen flexing as he continued to move. "Tell me if you need me to stop..."

Despite the agony of his position and his size, your nod was slow and deliberate. Your eyes never left his, each thrust bringing with it pleasure and submission. You could count how many thrusts there were by the weight of his balls that hit your soft ass, leaving a red, painful mark on your sensitive flesh.

"Good boy... Taking everything in that cute pussy..." He growled as the veins in his neck bulged with each effort of his hips to not stick it all in and feel the tip of his dick tirelessly kiss your uterus ── but he didn't I could scare you now, despite wanting to take out all the frustration and excitement accumulated in your cunt. Your breasts bounced as you cried with fat tears coming down from your orbs, pleasure, guilt and undefined feelings in your mind made you bite your lip and just enjoy the moment.

"Fuck, mi angelito," he groaned, his eyes locked on yours. "F-Fuck, I can't control myself... Mierda-"

His movements became erratic, his need overpowering him as he drove into you, chasing the peak of his release. His breath came in ragged gasps, his body slick with sweat as he thrust deeper, harder, his desire fueling the intensity of your coupling.

"Just like this, mi carinõ," he cried out, his voice hoarse with lust. "Just like this, with you..." His words are the catalyst for your own release, your orgasm crashing over you like a tidal wave, wracking your body with pleasurable contractions that milk him of his release.

Miguel follows suit, his cock twitching inside you as he fills you with his warm, pearly essence, marking you as his once again. He collapses on top of you, his breathing ragged and his heart pounding, both spent from the intensity.

"I don't deserve you, boy, but I need you."

[blueskittlesart]

did u not like totk?

i LOVED totk. i think it was well-written and did its job as a sequel to botw very well. HOWEVER. i do think it suffered slightly from the commercial success of botw. as i mentioned in my last post, nintendo does this. thing. when one of their games gets popular where every game after it has to be Exactly The Same so they can make all the money in the world via comparison marketing. (and this is a problem with the wider game industry in general but also a very observable pattern in loz specifically.) I know it's been a pretty long time since botw came out, but before (and immediately following) its release there was some pushback from longtime fans who worried that the open-world and lack of traditional dungeons meant that the game had strayed too far from the classic formula that makes a game a "zelda game." this is to say, botw was EXPERIMENTAL. and the devs had no idea if what they were doing was going to be successful or not. the open-world of botw wasn't a gimmick, and it wasn't the devs jumping on the open-world bandwagon. it was what CREATED that bandwagon. the open-world was a deliberate choice made specifically for botw because it reinforced the story that botw was designed to tell. the game is about exploring a desolate world, about making connections, and rebuilding both the broken kingdom and the player character's shattered sense of self by traveling and learning and building relationships. a large open-world map with only minor quest guidelines and lots of collectibles and side quests lends itself perfectly to this specific story, which is specifically about exploration and rebirth.

the problem is, botw was. almost TOO good. it was so good that every other game company on the planet started scrambling to build giant open-world maps into their next release, regardless of how much sense that actually made narratively. and because of that, when it came time to release a sequel to botw, the devs had a lot to think about. they had HUGE shoes to fill in terms of fan reception, but they were ALSO being asked to follow up one of the best-performing games of all time, commercially. totk needed to SELL as well as botw. And, likely because nintendo was worried about that potential commercial value, totk needed to keep people comfortable. I don't know for certain, but I definitely get the feeling playing totk that the devs were specifically told not to stray too far from what made botw marketable and successful--that being the open world and the versatility of gameplay. so in order to follow that up, they made... 2 more huge open maps, and new gimmick gameplay which was explicitly super-versatile.

do i think that the extra maps and ultrahand were BAD choices? no. however, i don't think they necessarily ADDED anything to the game as a narrative whole. one of my favorite things about botw was how everything seemed to be designed AROUND the narrative, with gameplay elements slotting neatly into the story thematically. totk just. didn't really have that, imo. there wasn't a huge narrative benefit to the gigantic, completely unpopulated depths and sky maps. ultrahand was cool, but within the context of the story it meant basically nothing. in some ways, i almost think totk could have benefitted from a much more linear approach to its storytelling, a la skyward sword, because there are a lot of story beats that have to be found in chronological order in order to have the right emotional impact, but because of the nonlinear open-world it kind of became a struggle to hit all the important story points in the right order. an easy example of this is the dragon's tears in comparison to the memories--the dragon tears have a very specific set order in which they happen, and finding them out of order can make the story you're seeing in them feel confusing and disjointed. the order in which they should be found is technically displayed on the temple wall, but most players aren't going to pick up on that or follow it--more likely, they're just going to explore the geoglyphs as they come across them organically, and therefore will likely witness the story in a completely disjointed way. compare this to the botw memories, which ALSO technically have a set order--the order in which they're displayed on the sheikah slate. however, because they're largely just small moments in time, and not one continuous story, finding them out of order has a lot less of an impact on how you as the player experience the narrative, and it's not hugely detrimental to your experience of the story if you find them naturally as you explore rather than explicitly seeking them out in order. If TOTK had been allowed to deviate from the botw formula a bit, i think we may have ended up with a more cohesive game in terms of narrative beats like that. as it is, i just think the game is torn slightly between wanting to be its own new game with new gameplay and needing to be botw, if that makes sense.

[spikedfearn]

I Said Just a Little Bit, Then I Got a Taste of It

Chapter I

bjorn x fem!reader

summary: After being transferred to another sector of Jackson's Star you reluctantly befriend a ragtag group of people with the exception of one cocky asshole who knows just how to get under your skin.

On the surface, you hate each other, but after experiencing a particularly harrowing event together, the two of you grow closer than anyone else could ever imagine.

a/n: a few things to note: 1. I expanded the colony’s population from 2781 inhabitants to just under 20,000 for the different sectors to make sense/work. 2. Jackson’s Star remains a mining colony but it’s set up to be a little bit closer to a dystopian society so I can play around with different settings

warnings/tags: secret friends with benefits, enemies to lovers, angst, alcohol/drug use, sexual themes, non-linear narrative, trauma bonding, more tags to be added

wc: 2.6k

Masterlist Next Chapter

It's incredibly warm tonight.

Made warmer by the fire burning in the rusted out steel drum in front of you and the others sitting around it, a glass beer bottle held loosely in your grip keeping your palm cool, the condensation clinging to it feeling nice against your skin.

The sizzling pop of the kindling wood has you distracted, tracking the embers trailing off the flames dancing in the stifled air, smoke feeding up into the dense cloud cover overhead.

It's become a tradition of sorts. Drinking around a bonfire in the rock quarry with the people you've grown fond of, far and away from the other colonists residing in sector six, all flocking to the bars to take the edge off after another rough work week.

Well—with the exception of one cocksure asshole.

You can't help but look over as your thoughts wander to him, watching as said asshole takes another long swig of his beer, eyes drawn down to the prominent bob of his Adam's apple then up to his tongue, poking out to lick over his lips and mop up any stray drops.

Laughter breaks out around you in response to a joke Tyler cracks, not that you hear any of it, too busy quietly simmering in your lawn chair. He hasn't even done anything so far tonight, still—you know it's only a matter of time before something erupts between the two of you, something always erupts between the two of you.

Sure enough, he catches you staring before you have the chance to look the other way, his features rearranging into something familiar, something smug, eyes alight with the fire your chairs are circled around and a particularly annoying brand of haughtiness he carries himself with.

Your fingers tighten around the bottle, already knowing what's about to happen. Just when you thought you could get through one night without him royally pissing you off, he proves otherwise. He's as predictable as he is frustrating.

“Take a picture love, it'll last longer,” he smirks, the stupid kiss he blows in your direction and the cocky little tilt of his head causing anger to flare through you as a result.

“How do you manage to get around with your head shoved so far up your own ass,” you bite, cutting through the good natured chatter around you, everyone groaning their displeasure in response.

They've gotten used to it, you and Bjorn being constantly at each other's throats whenever you're forced to interact through hangouts with your mutual group of friends. You don't know how they put up with him, even if he is family with half the people here, you've known him for just shy of six months and you wanna throttle him every time he opens his big fucking mouth.

You hear Navarro mutter something like, “god, here we go again,” under her breath, already sounding exasperated by your increasingly heated exchange. They all are, having put up with it since the night the two of you first met, when he said something stupid and snotty enough to make you bite his head off in front of everyone, setting the tone for your dynamic going forward.

“If you wanna sit on it you just hafta’ ask nicely, princess,” he says, words punctuated by an arrogant chuckle, canines gleaming broadly in the concentrated light.

"How about I chop it off instead, hmm? Do the world a favor and stop you from procreating?"

"Then you'd have nothing to drool over, now would you?" He fires back, running the flat of his tongue over his teeth.

“You know what,” you announce, feeling your blood begin to boil just beneath the surface, draining the rest of your beer before tossing it into the bushes with the others, “I think I'm gonna call it a night.”

It's not worth it, getting into it with Bjorn for the umpteenth time. It's been another rough week for everyone down in the mines, hands cracked and calloused, a residual cough still clogging all your diaphragms from inhaling the fumes permeating through the underground tunnel system.

That and you don't want to be liable for ruining everyone else's good time with your petty grudge, no matter how justified you might feel.

Besides—it's pointless, talking to Bjorn, your conversations (if you can call them that) are never constructive, typically involve him saying something intentionally rude or brash that has you exploding in anger, like it's his entire aim to piss you off.

Kay tugs lightly on your wrist in an attempt to convince you to sit back down and stay for just a little longer but the night’s been soured and your mind already made.

So you wish everyone apart from Bjorn to have a good rest of their night before swiftly turning around and leaving the quarry, the voices of your friends fading away in the shortly crossed distance, hearing Tyler reprimand his cousin for being “a right knob.”

They've all tried playing mediator at one point or another, hoping to get to the root of the problem, because that's what they're all good at, what they've been trained to do since they were big enough to harness a mining drill, to excavate all paths for valuable material.

And you appreciate their concern, you really do, having almost forgotten what that felt like—having someone care, but there isn't anything deeper to it, your mutual hostility for one another, Bjorn’s just an asshole and you don't tolerate anyone's bullshit.

Nothing more, nothing less.

You hear the rapid crunch of gravel approaching behind you, looking over your shoulder to see Kay jogging to catch up with you. You cease walking, allowing her to reach you, a buzz circulating through your veins.

“Hey,” Kay greets, a little breathless, coming to a halt once she's standing right in front of you, baby bump prominent beneath the overalls she's wearing, “don't let my asshole cousin get to you.”

“Too late,” you snort, sufficiently bothered by everything that's occurred over the last twenty minutes. You can't help it, how quick to anger you are when it comes to him, he just has this way of getting under your skin in a way no else can.

“I still don't get how you and Tyler are related to him. You're both so sweet and Bjorn is—Bjorn.”

She echoes your snort, eyes drifting back towards the bonfire, glowing like the lit end of a cigarette from this far away, “I know I know, trust me. He can be a bit…abrasive.”

You're powerless to stop the scoff that leaves you, gaze following Kay’s, "a bit?"

“Okay, he's really abrasive, but he means well. Usually.”

Maybe it's out of familial obligation that Kay—and to a greater extent Tyler, feel the need to excuse Bjorn’s shitty behavior, but it's really starting to wear on you.

“Does he? Because I sure as fuck don't feel that way. I think he just gets off on being a massive dickhead and I'm the only one who’ll call him out on it.”

Kay reaches out to you, letting her take hold of your hand, giving it a light squeeze, “I get it, I do. It's just—Bjorn’s been through a lot and keeping people at arm’s length is how he copes with everything. He's not all bad.”

You hate that she's right. He isn't all bad. You've witnessed it, how tender he can be with the people he cares about most, how protective he is of them. Like picking up Tyler's obligatory shifts when he came down with a bad case of the flu or getting into bar fights whenever some rando makes an unwanted pass at Rain or Kay or how he naturally steps into the big brother role even though he's younger than Navarro.

But the thing is—“we've all been through a lot.”

It’s true. You've all been born into the same shitty circumstances, forced to work in the mines until you inevitably die from black lung or some other variant of respiratory disease, that is if a mining collapse doesn't kill you first.

“We have,” Kay agrees, coughing into the crease of her elbow as if to prove your point, “all of us. But I think you two especially, and that's why you guys butt heads all the time. You're both super alike.”

“That's a really, really low blow,” you remark dryly, your eyes finding Kay’s again.

“No, I'm serious,” she laughs, her giggles tapering off into a small, winded smile. "You both have your walls up and you're both stubborn as fuck," parroting your earlier emphasis.

Which is also frustratingly true. You know everyone's story, all having opened up to you over time, as they integrated you into their little patchwork family.

Although—most of them can't say the same about you, having buried most of your trauma way down deep, further than any of them could reach. They know you don't have a family, that you've spent most of your life alone prior to your transfer but that's the extent of it, all you've been willing to share.

And they never push for more, letting you divulge personal information at your own pace, no matter how limited or vague it is, something you're immensely grateful for, more than they could ever know. It's a big reason why you've allowed yourself to get close to them despite your trepidation, forging emotional attachments even after promising yourself you never would again.

“You're right,” you concede, rolling your eyes playfully when Kay hums back, “always am.”

“Listen. I’ll do my best not to let him get to me—next time, but I really am tired, tired and sore, so. See you tomorrow?”

“See you tomorrow,” she affirms, squeezing your hand one last time before letting you go, cautioning you to “be safe!” as you resume walking.

The streets are empty as you move through them, navigating your way back to your shoebox of an apartment, half the streetlights lining the residential sidewalks flickering or out entirely. Which isn't unusual, like the higher-ups governing Jackson's Star would ever care for the upkeep of anything outside the mines.

Trudging through the door and relocking it behind you, you make your way down the tiny corridor leading into your bedroom, shoulders sagging in relief.

It's the only place you can ever truly relax, always looking forward to being able to pop some sleeping pills before crawling into bed immediately after, a short reprieve—the only reprieve—from the grueling sixteen hour work days you're subjected to.

You unscrew the cap on the pill bottle left on the nightstand by your bed and dry swallow two of them, too lazy and too tired to grab a glass of water in the little kitchenette in the next room over.

Thank god you have tomorrow off, planning to sleep in till noon if you're able to, what with your internal body clock having grown incredibly accustomed to getting up at the same time the other six days of the week.

You look out the sole window in your room, blinds drawn wide, everything around you bathed in red from the neighboring neon ‘BAR’ sign bleeding in through the glass because of it. It's strangely comforting in its familiarity, like a beacon of light welcoming you back every time you return, a reminder that you're still here, still breathing.

The window is small and high up enough that you're not concerned about anyone seeing you undress, grabbing at the hem of your thin cotton t-shirt to drag it up over your head before removing your hair tie next, slightly shaking your hair out with your fingers.

Maybe it's the exhaustion coupled with the drone of the generator funneling power into your apartment but you miss the sound of your door opening and the footsteps that move down the hall toward you.

It's not until you're pulling the metal prong of your belt buckle out of the last notch that you hear a low whistle, causing you to jump, shoulders curling inwards to try and cover yourself up, one of your bra straps falling down your arm.

“Well don't stop on account o’ me babes.”

Your eyes narrow seeing him leaning in your doorway, arms crossed over his chest with the sole of one boot planted against the doorframe, emphasizing the toned muscle hiding under his loose work shirt.

“I knew I'd regret giving you my door code.”

Bjorn chuckles back, that cocky little head tilt returning, “but then I'd miss out on this lovely little strip-tease.”

You feel your face grow warm in response, grateful for the red bar lighting masking your blush. “What are you doing here anyways? The others are gonna start noticing if we're always disappearing around the same time.”

“Relax,” he says, crossing the room to reach you, hands coming up to latch onto your shoulders while his thumbs press in between your shoulder blades, rubbing tight circles into your skin to loosen the tension gathered there, “everyone called it a night after ya’ little hissy fit.”

A scowl etches itself onto your face, though you do nothing to stop him from massaging your shoulders, “shut up, I'm still mad at you.”

“Hmm, are ya’ now?” He asks, leaning in close, until his plush lips are brushing your ear, “is that why you wuz giving me them fuck me eyes, love? All I said was ya’ just needa ask nicely.”

“That's what I'm talking about! You're making it too obvious. The last thing I want is everyone else finding out about this. About us.”

It's still relatively new, hooking up with Bjorn behind everyone's back, a recent development that's entirely altered the course of your dynamic.

He still goes out of his way to piss you off whenever he can, but there's something more there now, a teasing edge that implies an inside joke only the two of you are in on.

And, despite knowing the others wouldn't care, you want it to stay that way. After all, this thing you two have going on now, whatever it is, is casual. Meaningless. You see no point in telling them about something that'll most likely run its course soon, once you've gotten the overwhelming urge to touch each other out of your systems, whenever that'll be.

“And why’s tha?’” He whispers, drawing a fingertip over your stomach, from the elastic of your underwear up to your navel, causing you to shudder on reflex. “Embarrassed they'll know I don't jus’ get under your skin but inta ya’ pants too?”

“You're such a jackass,” you groan, feeling the solid mass of his body press up against you, his growing excitement poking you in the back. As you suspected, that's why he's here.

“Keep talkin’ dirty ta’ me babes,” he jokes, kissing a line down your neck, his fingers grabbing your chin to cock your head to one side, giving him more ground to cover, stubble scratching over your skin.

A soft moan escapes your lips, going pliant in his hands, Bjorn having mapped out all the sensitive spots that leave you weak-kneed and trembling, weaponizing his intel every chance he gets.

Your head falls back against his shoulder, letting him slide his hand down under the denim of your jeans, still in disbelief as to how you got here. Not that you would ever forget, the memory of that night still fresh in your mind.

[nickssidewitch]

✨♌️ Sturniolo Triplets 2025 Predictions ☄️✨

First of all, HAPPY NEW YEAR! Thanks to you all for such a glorious welcome to the Sturniolo Tumblr Fandom! 🤍 I've had such a great time here so far, and I'm so thankful for literally every person I've met so far on this app. I do hope (and know) there will be newer accounts who are new additions to this fandom made this 2025, and to them, I say welcome, and they are welcome on my account with open arms! 🥹🤍✨

Here are the predictions I have for the Sturniolos! Be warned that some may not even happen this 2025 and I might be getting messages of things that may occur in 2025, or things that are still occuring that have existed since the last 3 months since 2024. Tarot and energy reading is like that sometimes since time is not linear and energy can shift and be read differently as time progresses.

With that all being said, here are some predictions I have for the boys individually, as well as group-wise as brothers and as a brand.

🍀✨ The Sturniolo Triplets' Predictions as a whole entity ✨🍀

New group projects. This includes new video ideas, new ways of producing and creating content, and even doing trials of new ways to present their content.

Tour prep or even the start of a tour. This tour will be different from the rest, with newer ideas and fun activities for them and the fans to enjoy! They may even expand to newer countries and areas.

Travelling. The boys will experience new cultures and have agreat time in other countries together. Seeing Nick venture off into these new places in a different hemisphere allowed them to pull off that bandage of being more open to travelling further than just different states in the U.S.

More fan involvement in content, less fan involvement in personal lives. There will definitely more of a connect with their fandom when it comes to creating newer ideas and videos. However, they don't want to allow the fans into their personal lives as much anymore due to obsessive fan behavior that occurred to them both privately and publicly over the past few years (specifically 2023 and 2024). Less of them posting with friends and family except for just a few that they may collab with or those who feel a bit more comfortable with backlash or any hate they may receive.

More collabs with different YouTube and Twitch creators, even those that you all are probably not expecting.

Music involvement. I can't say too much on this, however I see them being involved in the music world, especially behind the scenes. This may be involvement in videography of music videos, promo for music, being sponsored, and just having more fun with their music friends and newer people as well.

Will the triplets themselves release music? Y'all will have to see...

New ways to do and film car videos, probably will film them a bit less? The car video visions and energies always fluctuate. On one hand, the boys love the comfy feel of them and would love to continue. On the other hand, from a profession perspective, sometimes they feel bored of them and feel as if they repeat the same content. So, to be honest, in terms of a prediction I feel content in, I don't really even have a clue with what they'll do. I want to say that they'll try new forms of car videos and then ditch the idea the following year or just do it every now and then within other forms of content. We'll have to see. This seems more of a late 2025/early 2026 thing. Idk.

🦋🍃 Matt Sturniolo Predictions 🍃🦋

Reading a lot more. He will definitely pick up more books, and even feel inspired to write his own one day.

More quiet on socials. If you think he was quiet now, just wait. He'll go ghost even more, especially just due to staying away from toxicity and the internet. It fucks with his brain.

A romantic relationship. I think he'll have a relationship or two. Seems fair to say. But I wanna give you all advice on this: From his spirit guides, they want you all to CHILL and BUTT OUT of his personal romantic endeavors. They know there will be bad apples, but if you can do your part, please oh please do not post about them a lot or be super negative. I personally wanna say there will be a girlfriend who is not a fan favorite and you all don't have to guess which girlfriend this will be... Y'all can say whatever you want about her honestly. She's kinda... hm. Anyway, you all will know when the time comes. You'll feel her intentions in your guts. The other girl I'm seeing is an absolute sweetheart omg protect her.

New friends. He'll step out of his comfort zone a lot more and make new friends. This is kinda along the same timeline of having a new romantic relationship.

More confident in certain aspects of himself. This is due to new inspirations, new motivations, and new endeavors he will have.

Personal YouTube videos. Yes. That is the post.

A lot personable in terms of conversations of mental health. He'll be having heart to hearts with people about his mental health both in the past and in the future. He definitely wants to be more of an advocate and champion of mental health rights and conversations.

Fashion ventures. Not saying much about this. But be prepared. New clothes, new appearances, new poses, new models!

🧡✨ Chris Sturniolo Predictions ✨🧡

New collaborations, sponsors, partnerships, etc. He will be making his own personal coin with these sorts of deals. They seem to be sports related, music related, fashion related, pop culture related.

New music things. New friends in music, new deals in music, new favorite artists, bigger artists, new concerts, bigger concerts and venues. He will be flown out to new things (by himself and alongside his brothers).

New clothes! Definitely a lot more and very different stylistic choices. He wants to experiment with newer aesthetics, colors, jewelry, textures, designs, etc. A lot more IG pics of him stunting in new fits to say the least. Also includes New Fresh Love clothes and accessories with new models!

More of a social media grind. Or at least he'll want to. There will be a point where he won't post and everyone will be like ??? But don't worry, it's for great reasons!

Dating. There's not much else to say about this. Y'all get the idea.

New friends. Kinda said all this before. And this applies to all three triplets tbh.

New interests! He definitely will be exploring new things a lot more this year. TBH I feel like he does every year, as this is sort of a resolution for him.

Less fear in social situations on his own? I think all of the newer ventures will make him feel a bit more comfortable on his own. I wouldn't say he'll be fully independent, just that he'll be more open to independence.

More flexing. Just sighed while typing this, but in more of a "Oh brother, here he goes again..." joking way.

Some scandal going on either involving him or involving someone who he is associated with that people will try to group him with. It will set him off course a bit, but he'll manage.

He will also curse and call people out when necessary.

🪁🪩 Nick Sturniolo Predictions 🪩🪁

Sooo many more ideas, soooo many more things to do, people to meet, deals to make, etc. In short, he will be grinding.

New friends! He's going to meet new people who fulfill him a lot more. The fans will definitely see him branch out more and hanging out with familiar as well as shocking new faces.

More independence. He will be doing more things on his own (just as his brothers will be). He'll just be flying like a bird (literally and figuratively).

Dating/Exploring. That's it.

Exploring his photography and videography a lot more. You all will definitely be seeing his name in some places you all wouldn't believe!

Collaborations. Whether it's other creators, other brands, etc., y'all will see it and have to blink twice.

New Space Camp products/ventures. Some seem more limited and more of like "trial runs", while others seem like things he'll definitely be keeping in stock. Also new lip flavors. I sense things that are fruity, fun, and definitely even more flavorful than the last packs. He will be working with newer people in his Space Camp brand.

Heartbreaks and a bit of down times. I hate bringing this up, but these are things I sense, especially with certain friends and people in his life. He will feel a bit down about these disconnections. But he'll live through them!

You all can ask me questions in my ask about other predictions and questions about things I didn't bring up. There are things I probably missed out on or just forgot to add, and so when you all ask me about them, I will post the links to the answers of those asks on this post so you all can go back to them!

Remember, some of these may not even be this year. They can be things that bleed out to 2026, or later if the guides were just super hype and wanted me to say them earlier! 😭🤍

And this also isn't about me trying to prove something. I hardly ever go back and checkmark things that are accurate in my other posts, so I don't really plan on doing it with these predictions (unless I'm super proud of it!). I'm not an egotistical reader who loves to prove how accurate she is (not saying all readers who do this are like this).

You are all amazing! Spread love and kindness! Have a Happy 2025! 🎆🤍🥹

[prince-liest]

Some thoughts about Huskerdust relationship development:

I don't know if we'll get the chance to see this happen in canon unless Amazon gives Hazbin Hotel more episodes to work with per season (unless it's relevant to the Vees being the main villains of season 2, which is feasible) but one of the things I really want to see happen is for Angel Dust to backslide.

I feel like the biggest issue that Angel faced with Husk until they finally managed to connect during Loser, Baby is that Husk was honestly being really fucking judgmental about Angel being fake without understanding why he was doing it, because Husk thought he had a full enough picture of the situation (and likely was irritated enough by the incessant sexual harrassment) to be able to judge Angel Dust. At least until one of my favorite lines in the show, when Angel goes, "It's not an act!" and finally admits why he acts that way.

Recovery isn't linear. And even beyond that, you really cannot effectively recover from a trauma when you are still actively experiencing it. That's why Loser, Baby meant so much to Angel Dust. Husk realized that it wasn't reasonable to tell Angel that things are going to be fine when they're obviously not - but he's at least able to offer himself as a sympathetic port in a storm for Angel to be real with when he needs to talk to someone he doesn't have to be fake with.

That said, it still stuck out to me that he told Angel, "I just thought you were better than that," to dissuade him from caving to Cherri's pressure in episode 7. He connected best with Angel Dust when he stopped leveraging guilt and instead offered an open hand in episode 4, but he still has a tendency to apply that kind of pressure when he wants Angel to act "better," and while Angel's redeemable qualities were necessary for the plot in episode 7, I want to see how Husk would react when Angel isn't able to always behave like his best self, because he's still struggling and still under Valentino's thumb.

I think it would be really good for the growth of their relationship if Husk is able to see the worst of Angel and still be able to offer him safe harbor rather than judgment.

[carry-the-sky]

go spin the wheel, see where it lands—

Here's the thing about time: it's always running out. He felt it even as a kid, this urgency moving through him, around him. Always just ahead. He'd catch up, if everything else would just slow the hell down. But there are rules, and rule number one is that time tends to be, well, linear. Directional. Things get a bit messy when it's not.

Four seconds. That was rule number two, and the consequences for breaking it are— bad. To put it lightly.

He doesn't exactly have a choice. Or, he does, but if it's between breaking the rules or not, watching everything he loves get ripped away or digging in, claws first— well. He knows a thing or two about fighting dirty.

So, no, it's not a choice. It's immutable, like gravity. Time. A strict progression from cause to effect.

Ekko breaks rule number two.

And the line becomes a circle.

.

He thinks it's a dream, the first time. What else would it be? She fell. She's gone.

She's here now, though. Whole and happy and here, running a hand through her chopped-short hair. That single streak of magenta hits him where it hurts, square in his chest. You can't feel pain in a dream, can you?

"You're back," she says, without looking up. She's lying on her stomach, sketchbook open, a whirling kaleidoscope of color on the page in front of her. "Took you long enough."

"Was I gone?" Ekko says.

She actually laughs at that, the sound filling up his ears, warm and bright. "Benzo was starting to worry, not that he'd ever admit it. Big ol' softie." Her hand flashes, chalk sticks arcing across the page. "You seem to have that effect on people."

He shakes his head. "I don't. I'm not—"

She scribbles faster, fingers stained pink and blue and every shade in between. "You know, for a smart guy, you're kinda dumb."

"Ouch."

"I still like you, though."

This is a nice dream. Maybe the only nice dream he'll have again.

"I miss you," he says, dredging the words up from some sunless space inside him. "I didn't tell you before."

Her hand slows to a stop. From where he's standing, Ekko can only see a few snatches of detail on the page; a fuchsia smile, twin blue braids.

"I'm right here, buster," she says, not looking up. Grinning softly at her hands. "Never left, actually."

The circle wobbles, shifts out of focus. Time and space folding in on each other like paper cranes.

When he blinks, Powder is gone.

.

Too late. It's always, always too late.

.

"It's you," she says, the next time.

They're somewhere green, somewhere he's never been. A part of the Undercity that doesn't exist where he's from, that never existed.

"Uh." He blinks against the sun. "It's me, yeah."

"Seriously?" Beside him on the lawn, she pops up on an elbow, scrutinizing him. "You still don't get what's happening? Sheesh, hopping dimensions really does do a number on the noggin."

Okay, this is a weird dream. Still, as long as he keeps her talking, as long as he has sun on his skin and grass beneath him, he doesn't really care. He'll take weird. He'll take whatever he can get.

"Noggin, right," he laughs. "Synapses. Drunk slugs."

Powder scrunches up her nose like she's trying not to laugh. "Alright, I give. If you wanna dance around the giant elephant in the room, be my guest." She turns her head into her arm, a shield from the sun. Between them, their hands brush in the grass, pinky fingers tangling together. "Next time, though."

Ekko hums, content. More than that— happy. Overflowing with it. Then he frowns. "Wait. Next time?"

Paper cranes, folding in and in and in.

"Dummy," he thinks he hears her say before she disappears.

.

"So when you said 'hopping dimensions', you meant—"

"Yeah."

"And that means—"

"Yeah."

Ekko spins in a circle, arms thrown out wide. "But— how? All of this, the lab, the tech— it shouldn't exist here. Heimerdinger made sure—"

"Hey, you're the genius," Powder says. "I just live here."

Four seconds. He lets it sink in for four seconds—she's whole, she's happy, she's here, at least in this tiny pocket of space and time—before he's crossing the space between them and pulling her into a bruising hug. Her breath puffs out in mild surprise, and then she's hugging him back, arms cinching tight around him. I won't forget this. But he's already started to. He drops his head to her shoulder, breathing her in, every tiny detail. He won't make the same mistake twice.

Her eyes are wet when they untangle. Ekko swipes at his cheek to find that his are, too.

"I'm sorry," he says. "I'm so sorry. I thought I saved you, but it wasn't— I wasn't—"

"Don't," she says fiercely. "Don't do that. Not with me, not here. I meant what I said, okay? You're a good one, Ekko. You don't give up on people. If I'm— if the other me is— then there was nothing you could've done to change it. That was always gonna be how the story ended."

The tears are a river, streaming salt down the slope of his nose and into his mouth. "I was too slow. I'm always too damn slow."

Powder's hands are on his face, her lips kissing the salt from his cheeks, his eyelids. "The boy savior," she murmurs. "It's not your job to save everyone, you know. But I love you for trying."

She's fading, or maybe he is. Time and space, a never-ending anomaly. But there are constants, too, things that keep the universe spinning. Rules worth breaking.

He feels it, this time. It's like someone's scooping out his insides, rearranging his atoms. Like he's being wiped clean, unmade. Hollowed out so that some other him can be stuffed into his skin. Four seconds is all it takes, or maybe four million.

I love you. I love you, too.

.

He tells her for real, when he sees her again.

"I know," she says, elbowing him in the ribs. Her cheeks are dusky-pink. "Following my lead, huh?"

He looks at her, really looks. Every detail; the dainty point of her chin and the dusting of freckles across her nose and her eyes, big and bright and blue.

"Always," he says.

.

Time and space. Paper cranes, folding and unfolding, creasing the lines of reality. Some rules can't be broken, but they can bend a little.

Here's one: when you die, you stay dead.

.

He must be dreaming. She's standing right in front of him, in this dimension, on this plane of existence, real and whole and here. Her hair is still short, all of it blue.

Four seconds. He holds his breath for four seconds, and then: "Jinx."

"Hey, buster," she says.

[cybersugru]

❝ follow you ; nick ruffilo

𖥻 pairing: nick ruffilo x female reader

𖥻 contains: angst, comfort, fluff, +18 contents (mental health issues)

𖥻 warnings: inspired by bring me the horizon's "follow you". swearing but other than that mostly none, except for maybe the not-so-happy ending / english is not my first language (+ this is my first ever bo fic) so i am sorry if there are any grammar mistakes or misspellings.

word count — 1.7k

synopsis — healing isn't a linear process and despite your thoughts that tried to convince you otherwise, nick knew that and was willing to hold your hand throughout the whole thing as it was a way of him to try and heal some of his own wounds of guilt. he was willing to do anything for you, as long as he could be with you.

🎀

PERHAPS you should have chosen to be with someone else, someone who didn't have a public life that could directly affect your private one.

as the air began to feel more and more unattainable, and your hands started to intensify their grip on the light grey sheets beneath you, you could swear that something heavy had sat on top of your chest. the thoughts on your mind racing faster than they could be processed properly, the heat and sweat covering your body making it impossible to stay still on that bed and it wasn't until somebody grabbed your wrists while trying to immobilise your legs and calling out your name that you opened your eyes reluctantly, realising it was nothing but a nightmare.

"hey, hey, i's okay, it's me... it was only a bad dream, you're safe." nick's worry was obvious not only in his voice but also lingering on his blue eyes as he looked at you up and down. there were bags under them as well that didn't go unnoticed as it made you wonder if nick was already awake when the nightmare began. if that was the case, why was he awake this late? once he saw your breathing calming down, he let go of your wrists and your legs that he held onto whilst waking you, so you wouldn't hurt yourself with all the fighting you were putting up in your sleep.

"i'm sorry" you mumbled with a weak and confused voice before glancing to your side at the clock on the bedside table. it was 2:30 in the morning and you probably woke your neighbours up screaming. "you can go back to sleep, i'll go make myself some coffee."

brushing your fingers through your hair, after taking a deep breath, you decided to get up from the bed you two were supposed to share every night only to find his side of it untouched. nick hadn't gone to bed with you. but, despite the pang in your chest that came with the realisation, you said nothing about it and continued with your task to head downstairs towards the kitchen.

the bassist argued internally whether or not he should stop you from leaving or if he should respect your desire for space. seeing the person who brought light into his life, like no one ever did before, so low and lost in herself broke his heart in places he didn't even know was possible; even more so considering nick thought of himself as responsible for the pain eating you from the inside out. if he wasn't in your life, none of this would be happening and you'd be a thousand times happier than you were now with him. all the memories from before, of good times, were constantly being suffocated by the fog of the recent events that pushed your relationship to hang by a thread that thinned more each day.

nick watched as you left the room without uttering a single word. he untied his long dark hair and allowed it to cover his face much like a waterfall capable of momentarily hide his anguish.

ignoring the guileful thoughts, he began his path to find you — caring for you was more important than anything else in his life at the moment, more important even than the band or his career, simply because without you he couldn't play like he knew he was capable of.

you sat by the kitchen counter, your back facing him but nick could tell you had your hands on each side of your face — just like you usually did when anxiety got the best of you. the smell of coffee invaded his senses and for a second he thought about pouring himself a cup for he knew he wouldn't sleep at all that night. or any night as long as this ghost stood between the two of you.

"talk to me, angel" the bassist's voice was cut out by one of your cats that meowed to get your attention while looking up at you from the ground until you pat your lap allowing him to sit there. for a second, ruffilo smirked. "please. i'm worried about you."

hearing his call for you made you shift your focus from the furry thing on your lap to your boyfriend who now stood across from you with the counter between you. "what do you want me to say, nick? i mean this honestly: what exactly do you want me to say?"

you blinked away the few tears in your eyes as they connected with his blue ones; once the kindest eyes you had ever seen in your life now carried a sense of sadness and somewhat of a heavy burden. "i just want to know how i can help you. seeing you like this– it's fucking killing me."

"you don't want to know what i am thinking right now. trust me. i'm trying to protect you and save this relationship."

"by pushing me away? how the fuck is pushing me away saving this relationship?" his voice wasn't loud and ruffilo most definitely wasn't yelling at you, instead, he was desperately trying to find an answer; ideally, one that excluded him from the guilt consuming him, even if he didn't know about that desire in him. "i don't want you to push me away, i want to be with you. whatever comes your way. you're the most important thing i have, angel."

"oh, really?" you chuckled and took a sip of your coffee. "didn't really seem like it when those things were happening and you didn't say anything to them."

as soon as those words left your mouth, you regretted them: that was too cruel of you to say. but you said it anyway and now couldn't take it back even if you tried. closing your eyes, you let out a deep sigh and shook your head. "i'm sorry, ruffi... i didn't mean it like that."

the musician looked to the side, poking his cheek with his tongue and staring at the landscape outside the kitchen window before turning his tired gaze back at you. he understood where you were coming from and for that reason, he couldn't be angry at you for lashing out, especially because you had been bottling everything up for the last six months — refusing to talk about your mental struggles to anybody, hoping it would all magically go away. it wasn't your best life choice, but you were scared to talk about what was happening and be judged. you were taking one blow after another and still tried your best to not take it out on nick. one way or another, though, he saw everything, he saw you wasting away with each nasty comment directed your way. and he hated himself for being the reason why that happened to you.

afraid that your emotions would upset your cat, you gave him a little kiss on top of his head and put him down on the floor.

"you're right." ruffilo nodded as the voice in his head cursed him in a thousand different ways. "it was– it is my fault. i should've been a better boyfriend, a better partner. you needed support and protection and i didn't give any of that to you when you needed most."

tears came back almost immediately to your eyes upon hearing his apology. you were frustrated, you weren't mad at him — a part of you also understood his side of things. still, you were hurt and with pain came anger. "i never wanted to drag you through this madness... you've always been so good to me. it's just that this is destroying me, all those years in therapy improving my mental health only for that to just go down the drain."

as you let out a faint sarcastic laugh between the tears, nicholas went around the counter in a rush and so, quickly, he was standing right in front of you. with those gentle hands of his — despite the callouses on them from being a musician —, he cupped both your cheeks, wiping away your tears dry with his thumbs. the blue in his eyes carried more worry than ever.

"it is my fault, angel, i own my mistakes. they're fans of the band i'm in, it was my responsibility to make it clear i hated what they were doing to you, what they were saying and i didn't because i was fucking weak and i'm sorry that i wasn't the man you deserve." ruffilo admired your features as if you were a work of art handmade specifically for him. that devotion only made the guilt worse. you looked up at him with eyes glistening due to the remaining tears and his heart broke a bit more before he leaned towards you to place a soft kiss against your lips. "there's nothing you should feel sorry for... i would go to hell for you, my angel. i love you so much and i don't think i can be away from you. don't go, please"

touching and kissing you like george knightley did emma, the brunette man wanted nothing but to take away all the pain in you caused by the maniac fans of his that went lunatic once they discovered your relationship: what was so special about her? what was it about her that made nick ruffilo fall in love with someone so... bland? those were the kinds of questions that made them feel entitled to destroying your privacy, tearing your mental health apart and turning your love for nick into resentment for what your life had become since you moved in with him six months prior. on his end, ruffilo began to dislike doing the one thing he loved most other than tattooing and as much as he knew it was a very small part of his fans that created this mess, he couldn't help but distance himself from them as a whole. how couldn't he?

"i'm not going anywhere, ruffi" you whispered, brushing a strand of his dark hair that fell over his eye and tucking it behind his ear before caressing his cheeks like he had done to yours. "i just need time... i needed to know you wouldn't leave me alone dealing with this stuff."

he immediately shook his head and furrowed his thick brows. "woman, for christ's sake. i'd let my whole life burn before leaving you. i'll follow you wherever you go."

[feiandart]

Sugar, Chapter #68

( last chapter before epilogue )

How many parts does a story consist of? There are precise rules in both literature and filmmaking, but one does not always follow them. There are books and movies whose content is convoluted, fitting together like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle; there are some that start at the end and proceed backwards, others whose chapters are disordered and others that have to be torn apart to properly compose the pages and understand exactly what they are about. Then there are some whose progression is suggested by the writer in the introduction or in the last lines, inducing readers to jump between paragraphs following a precise path, without ever reading them all, finding themselves at the end with a single book that contains dozens of stories within it. The limit, in these out-of-the-ordinary cases, is the imagination of the writer and the patience of the reader. But what happens if you have neither? However, even the most messy stories have a starting point. Whether this is to be found at the end of the film or in its middle, in the book cover or in the footnotes on the last page, it matters little: there is no such thing as a story that does not begin somewhere. On the contrary, not all stories have a conclusion. Some are destined to end at the most beautiful moment, others leave doubts and sentences truncated in the middle in the last lines. Then there are the endings, the open ones, which leave the reader free to fantasise about what comes next. But what if one cannot imagine? On the unfolding of the stories there is little to add: whether linear, reverse or confusing, even when it is difficult to keep up the important thing is that there is something to tell. Even if pieces, details and points of view are missing. Even if one is caught in a vicious circle of doubt and uncertainty. Even if the tale is so long that you never catch a glimpse of the end. But what if the stories within it are more than one? What if the protagonists began to exist at different times? What if for them the ending did not come at the same time? What if...?

(Dunno why AO3 preview is not working, but if you click on it it will still lead you to the chapter anyway!)

You don't have an AO3 account? You can access the whole story from here! It's a Google Drive folder I made on purpose for anyone who might want to read it even after I had to lock my story to protect it from AI. ♥

[mandalhoerian]

Gosh I wish you made such big analize about Xavier and Sylus, sometimes I feel so dumb that I can't read so good behind the lines. 😭😭😭

HEY NO CMON NOW NO NEED TO DISCREDIT YOURSELF LIKE THAT!!!! First of all, this is an ongoing game and story, think of it like an incomplete ao3 fic you have theories for. There are HUUGE gaps in there that will be filled later and until then, they are left to the interpretation of the player. It's only natural, there's SO MUCH stuff and lore out there to be consumed, which are often non-linear that it makes things confusing on purpose. It's all about feeding us crumbs about what's coming, of course we get lost!!

Secondly, I made the rafayel analysis because it confused the lights out of me with the constant nagging feeling that I was missing something and that's why I didn't understand most things and wanted to get my thoughts straight. Like the ebb day theories floating out there as to why he was Like That, why he said the things he did out of nowhere and randomly like "what if i take from you will you leave me?" after the topic was JUST about sceneries and the love and art burns me talk after YET AGAIN another art talk about inspiration in pain. I had whiplash over whiplash and felt the need to dive deep into intertidal zone.

It's not like that with Sylus and Xavier (and Zayne's) cards. At least for me. All of them are fairly self-contained compared to his, I feel like. And I'm sure other people have discussed this already, much better than I can as well -- especially Sylus, but I'll put my two cents in for a general review of both their memorias!

Xavier is experiencing negative emotions such as jealousy FOR THE FIRST TIME with MC. He doesn't know how to process these feelings which are allowed to be nurtured in a safe environment when that wasn't the case before in his life. They manifest in temper bursts that stem from a life of being forced to be emotionally blank. He wasn't allowed to be a child or freedom for himself and his thoughts and feelings and wants, so he starts behaving in a childish way -- it's something he's surprised about as well. This happens when you feel safe with a person that those repressed parts begin to open up and you start being yourself more with them. It's sad when you think about it, as cute as it is coming from Xavier. MC is so understanding of him and finding him being "expressive" more as a really positive thing. She's an amazing partner -- because let's face it, if this behavior came from a man in real life, it would be so annoying. Xavier isn't like those other men though, his jealousy doesn't come from a need to control or possess, a place of distrust, projection or disregard of personal boundaries. It's cute because it's followed by healthy communication to allow Xavier to process and grow and open up more, it doesn't threaten the relationship. This is just my interpretation, aside from the context of their previous lives together (the desire to monopolize now that he finally is with her) and this being Xavier's possibly last year on earth that gives a "i've got so little time left and i don't want to waste it" stuff.

And Sylus is. Well. There's a lot in there. The theme here is "their first time", and it's not limited to sleeping together, in my opinon. Theirs is a burgeoning relationship compared to the other "established" relationships. They're new to each other. We even see domesticity from them in MC's house for the first time, though it is a result of Sylus's Onychinus life making an introduction in their relationship as something that has to be legitimately talked about eventually. MC wants to come along with him and know more but Sylus hides a lot from her to keep her safe and separate from him, and yes it's his business and MC doesn't push (the mutual respect is insane here), but it's affecting their time together. Not that MC sees this as a problem because she's always ready to throw down (AND does lock in and gets one step ahead of him).

I read this as MC's first time finally letting him in and her desires/feelings for him that she asked him to stay and kept making the moves when it had all been him before. Her feelings are growing. And you can see how much it pleases him and makes him happy, he was waiting for this -- for MC to voluntarily want him and be honest with him. That's all Sylus wants. He can see into what she wants, and sure yeah he knows, but her outwardly voicing them to him is a different story altogether. It shows she trusts him, and that's important to Sylus.

She was mostly closed off and withdrawn from him emotionally because they have this dynamic that started off hostile that turned into teasing and provoking where she sees being vulnerable with him as a weakness that would be embarrassing. It's a budding relationship, remember? No couple is all in & open with each other right from the beginning, it comes later. And Sylus is a dominant man (not domineering, that's a different word) and I think MC doesn't like being weak next to someone like him, and she perceives a power imbalance there unconsciously even though Sylus wants her to be open so bad and rely on him more and give her everything she wants and needs.

So it's HUUUUUGE that they showed Sylus intertwine their hands together when he had to FORCE IT before. MC is finally receiving him with open arms and you can see he's delighted. It's so romantic first of all, but mans is hungry, BUT HE'S ALSO SO TENDER AND LOVING !!! GOOD FOR YOU SYLUS GET IT. I love this for him and that he felt safe enough to sleep even though he's nocturnal. Or she sucked the soul right out of his dick and knocked him out cold 😭 the sex was so astronomically soul ascending i guess LMFAO

Again, I'm sorry if I got anything wrong. These are just my thoughts, and they are surface level!

[perotovar]

ain't it sweet — a loose fit series (18+) -> AO3

summary: it's been two years since marcus moved to dc for work. he's spent a lot of time reflecting and more importantly, being single. he's not in a hurry to settle down just yet, but a handsome art history professor might make that a little difficult.

pairing: marcus pike x oc!vincent monet rating: E (18+) mdni content: fluff, smut, protected and unprotected p in a, handjobs, blowjobs, awkward sex, giggling during sex, "talking shop" (aka erin has to do a lot of research on being a history professor and an fbi agent pls send help), discussions of race in both modern and historical contexts (i don't claim to know anything and will be conducting a lot of research. i'm open to any sort of help!), more to be added as it happens

this is a non-linear story so things will be out of order. make sure to read each chapter's summary so things make sense.

part one: tunnel vision (sep 16)

masterlist | for updates, follow @oakslibrary and turn on notifs ♥

[r3dcam3llias]

Brainstorming Ideas for Step 5 Mod...

Recently, I've been in my finalizing planning step (it's messy) for this mod, and I wanted to brain-dump some ideas for the logistical side of things. I decided there would be two main routes to focus on right away: Pregnancy and Adoption. While I plan on making a 3rd route to let players choose neither and just have fluffy, child-free moments with their husband/boyfriend Cove, that is not my main focus for the mod initially. Additionally, I would LOVE to make a surrogacy option, but again, it is not my main focus and will have to be something I consider after the 2 main routes are finished.

Also, for simply the sake of maintaining my sanity, Step 5 is going to have to be fully linear, meaning moments will happen in chronological order. Although they will still be able to be fully skipped and will include content warnings (if applicable) at the beginning of each one! (with the exception of a few key moments, to be expanded on later…) Now to get into the brainstorming itself, I'd like to share the outlines I've cooked up for these routes:

Pregnancy Route

During the pregnancy route, the MC and Cove will be able to have a biological child together through the MC becoming pregnant. This route is only avaliable if the player chooses that the MC was assigned female at birth or is intersex and assumes the MC still has female reproductive organs and anatomy conducive to pregnancy. Although the player can choose during gameplay whether or not they ever developed breasts/had them removed. I plan on making this route be split up into five optional moments, over the course of 9 months, with at least one optional moment before the MC becomes pregnant (not related to pregnancy at all) and at least two non-skippable moments after their baby is born. Additionally, I want as many people as possible to be able to play and enjoy this mod and also be comfortable and feel represented while doing so!!

Because of this, I know not everyone is comfortable with in-depth depictions of things such as pregnancy or talk of medical conditions, yet still want to have the experience. While obviously, there will be no outright graphic or disturbing things in the mod, I still want people to be comfortable playing. For this reason, I want to implement a “Safe” mode that cuts out any and all potentially triggering subjects for a fully wholesome, discomfort-free experience. When the mod is finished, I plan to have full documentation of what these moments are so players can give a quick read-through at their discretion before playing. Additionally, I may implement an additional system to cut out small, unneeded references to the MC’s pregnancy by family members, Cove, etc, for those uncomfortable with the fact being shoved in their face during gameplay, allowing a sort of “High” or “Low” reference mode (similar to initiative levels, I suppose!).

Adoption Route

I don't have a whole lot to say on the adoption route, as I feel like it's a whole lot more straightforward (and will give me less headaches hopefully...) But I plan to give it a similar story structure to the former. This play style will be open to any MC, regardless of identity. The MC and Cove do not need to be married for this option to occur, but they have to have been in a long-term relationship at least since before Step 4. Like the pregnancy route, there'll be at least one optional moment before Cove and the player decide to adopt a child, followed by 3-5 moments as Cove and the MC make this decision and navigate the process of becoming parents. They will be followed by at least two moments after their child is adopted. As for the child Cove and the MC adopt, I'm considering making their appearance randomized from a few looks and you'll also get to decide to do a domestic or international adoption, although this won't have an impact on their child's looks. ANYWAY... That concludes my rants, thanks for reading. Do you have any concerns, comments, or questions? Suggestions for how I could make this mod better/more inclusive?

[blueskittlesart]

I've heard that while most people really really love BotW and TotK, some people hate those two for going open-world, and some people hate TotK specifically for something about the story. As the resident Zelda expert I know of, what do you think of those takes?

"something about the story" is a bit too vague for me to answer--if you look at my totk liveblog tag from back when the game was newly released or my general zelda analysis tag you may be able to find some of my in-depth thoughts about the story of totk, but in general i liked it.

the open world thing though is something i can and will talk about for hours. (I am obsessed with loz and game design and this is an essay now <3) breath of the wild is a game that was so well-received that a lot of the criticism from older fans who were expecting something closer to the classic zelda formula was just kind of immediately drowned out and ignored, and while i don't think it's a valid criticism to suggest that botw strayed too far from its origins in going open-world, i am more than willing to look into those criticisms, why they exist, and why i think going open-world was ultimately the best decision botw devs could have made. (totk is a slightly different story, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.)

Loz is a franchise with a ton of history and a ton of really, REALLY dedicated fans. it's probably second only to mario in terms of recognizability and impact in nintendo's catalog. To us younger fans, the older games can sometimes seem, like, prehistoric when compared to what we're used to nowadays, but it's important to remember just how YOUNG the gaming industry is and how rapidly it's changed and grown. the first zelda game was released in 1986, which was 31 years before botw came out in 2017. What this means for nintendo and its developers is that they have to walk a very fine line between catering to older fans in their 30s and 40s now who would have been in nintendo's prime demographic when the first few games in the franchise were coming out AND making a game that's engaging to their MODERN target demographic and that age group's expectations for what a gaming experience should look like.

LOZ is in kind of a tough spot when it comes to modernizing, because a lot of its core gameplay elements are very much staples of early RPGs, and a lot of those gameplay elements have been phased out of modern RPGs for one reason or another. gathering collectibles, fighting one's way through multilevel, mapless dungeons, and especially classic zelda's relative lack of guidance through the story are all things that date games and which modern audiences tend to get frustrated with. for the last few releases before botw, the devs had kind of been playing with this -- skyward sword in particular is what i consider their big experiment and what (i think) became the driving force behind a lot of what happened with botw. Skyward sword attempted to solve the issues I listed by, basically, making the map small and the story much, much more blatantly linear. Skyward sword feels much more like other modern rpgs to me than most zelda games in terms of its playstyle, because the game is constantly pushing you to do specific things. this is a common storytelling style in modern RPGs--obviously, the player usually needs to take specific actions in order to progress the story, and so when there's downtime between story sections the supporting characters push the player towards the next goal. but this actually isn't what loz games usually do. in the standard loz formula, you as the player are generally directly given at most 4 objectives. these objectives will (roughly) be as follows: 1. go through some dungeons and defeat their bosses, 2. claim the master sword, 3. go through another set of dungeons and defeat their bosses, 4. defeat the final boss of the game. (not necessarily in that order, although that order is the standard formula.) the ONLY time the player will be expressly pushed by supporting characters towards a certain action (excluding guide characters) is when the game is first presenting them with those objectives. in-between dungeons and other gameplay segments, there's no sense of urgency, no one pushing you onto the next task. this method of storytelling encourages players to take their time and explore the world they're in, which in turn helps them find the collectibles and puzzles traditionally hidden around the map that will make it easier for them to continue on. Skyward sword, as previously mentioned, experimented with breaking this formula a bit--its overworld was small and unlocked sequentially, so you couldn't explore it fully without progressing the narrative, and it gave players a "home base" to return to in skyloft which housed many of the puzzles and collectibles rather than scattering them throughout the overworld. This method worked... to an extent, but it also meant that skyward sword felt drastically different in its storytelling and how its narrative was presented to the player than its predecessors. this isn't necessarily a BAD thing, but i am of the opinion that one of zelda's strongest elements has always been the level of immersion and relatability its stories have, and the constant push to continue the narrative has the potential to pull players out of your story a bit, making skyward sword slightly less engaging to the viewer than other games in the franchise. (to address the elephant in the room, there were also obviously some other major issues with the design of sksw that messed with player immersion, but imo even if the control scheme had been perfect on the first try, the hyperlinear method would STILL have been less engaging to a player than the standard exploration-based zeldas.)

So when people say that botw was the first open-world zelda, I'm not actually sure how true I personally believe that is. I think a lot of the initial hype surrounding botw's open map were tainted by what came before it--compared to the truly linear, intensely restricted map of skyward sword, botw's map feels INSANE. but strictly speaking, botw actually sticks pretty closely to the standard zelda gameplay experience, at least as far as the overworld map is concerned. from the beginning, one of the draws of loz is that there's a large, populated map that you as the player can explore (relatively) freely. it was UNUSUAL for the player to not have access to almost the entire map either immediately or very quickly after beginning a new zelda game. (the size and population of these maps was restricted by software and storage capabilities in earlier games, but pretty muhc every zelda game has what would have been considered a large & well populated map at the time of its release.) what truly made botw different was two things; the first being the sheer SIZE of the map and the second being the lack of dungeons and collectibles in a traditional sense. Everything that needs to be said about the size of the map already has been said: it's huge and it's crazy and it's executed PERFECTLY and it's never been done before and every game since has been trying to replicate it. nothing much else to say there. but I do want to talk about the percieved difference in gameplay as it relates to the open-world collectibles and dungeons, because, again, i don't think it's actually as big of a difference as people seem to think it is.

Once again, let's look at the classic formula. I'm going to start with the collectibles and lead into the dungeons. The main classic collectible that's a staple of every zelda game pre-botw is the heart piece. This is a quarter of a heart that will usually be sitting out somewhere in the open world or in a dungeon, and will require the player to either solve a puzzle or perform a specific action to get. botw is the first game to not include heart pieces... TECHNICALLY. but in practice, they're still there, just renamed. they're spirit orbs now, and rather than being hidden in puzzles within the overworld (with no explanation as to how or why they ended up there, mind you) they're hidden within shrines, and they're given a clear purpose for existing throughout hyrule and for requiring puzzle-solving skills to access. Functionally, these two items are exactly the same--it's an object that gives you an extra heart container once you collect four of them. no major difference beyond a reskin and renaming to make the object make sense within the greater world instead of just having a little ❤️ floating randomly in the middle of their otherwise hyperrealistic scenery. the heart piece vs spirit orb i think is a good microcosm of the "it's too different" criticisms of botw as a whole--is it ACTUALLY that different, or is it just repackaged in a way that doesn't make it immediately obvious what you're looking at anymore? I think it's worth noting that botw gives a narrative reason for that visual/linguistic disconnect from other games, too--it's set at minimum TEN THOUSAND YEARS after any other given game. while we don't have any concrete information about how much time passes between new-incarnation games, it's safe to assume that botw is significantly further removed from other incarnations of hyrule/link/zelda/etc than any other game on the timeline. It's not at all inconceivable within the context of the game that heart pieces may have changed form or come to be known by a different name. most of the changes between botw and other games can be reasoned away this way, because most of them have SOME obvious origins in a previous game mechanic, it's just been updated for botw's specific setting and narrative.

The dungeons ARE an actual departure from the classic formula, i will grant you. the usual way a zelda dungeon works is that link enters the dungeon, solves a few puzzles, fights a mini boss at about the halfway point, and after defeating the mini boss he gets a dungeon item which makes the second half of the dungeon accessible. He then uses that item in the dungeon's final boss fight, which is specifically engineered with that item in mind as the catalyst to win it. Botw's dungeons are the divine beasts. we've removed the presence of mini-bosses entirely, because the 'dungeon items' aren't something link needs to get within the dungeon itself--he alredy has them. they're the sheikah slate runes: magnesis, cryonis, stasis, and remote bombs. Each of the divine beast blight battles is actually built around using one of these runes to win it--cryonis to break waterblight's ice projectiles, magnesis to strike down thunderblight with its own lightning rods, remote bombs to take out fireblight's shield. (i ASSUME there's some way to use stasis effectively against windblight, mostly because it's obvious to me that that's how all the other fights were designed, but in practice it's the best strategy for that fight is to just slow down time via aerial archery, so i've never tried to win that way lol.) So even though we've removed traditional dungeon items and mini-boss fights, the bones of the franchise remain unchanged underneath. this is what makes botw such an ingenious move for this franchise imo; the fact that it manages to update itself into such a beautiful, engaging, MODERN game while still retaining the underlying structure that defines its franchise and the games that came before it. botw is an effective modern installment to this 30-year-old franchise because it takes what made the old games great and updates it in a way that still stays true to the core of the franchise.

I did mention totk in my opening paragraph and you mention it in your ask so i have to come back to it somehow. Do i think that totk did the gigantic-open-world thing as well as botw did? no. But i also don't really think there was any other direction to go with that game specifically. botw literally changed the landscape of game development when it was released. I KNOW you all remember how for a good year or two after botw's release, EVERY SINGLE GAME that came out HAD to have a massive open-world map, regardless of whether or not that actually made sense for that game. (pokemon is still suffering from the effects of that botw-driven open world craze to this day. rip scarlet/violet your gameplay was SUCH dogshit) I'm not sure to what degree nintendo and the botw devs anticipated that success, (I remember the open world and the versatility in terms of problem-solving being the two main advertising angles pre-release, but it's been 7 years. oh jesus christ it's been SEVEN YEARS. anyways) but in any case, there's basically NO WAY that they anticipated their specific gameplay style taking off to that degree. That's not something you can predict. When creating totk, they were once again walking that line between old and new, but because they were only 3ish years out from botw when totk went into development, they were REALLY under pressure to stay true to what it was that had made botw such an insane success. I think that's probably what led to the expanded map in the sky and depths as well as the fuse/build mechanics--they basically took their two big draws from botw, big map and versatility, and said ok BIGGER MAP and MORE VERSATILITY. Was this effective? yeah. do i think they maybe could have made a more engaging and well-rounded game if they'd been willing to diverge a little more from botw? also yeah. I won't say that I wanted totk to be skyward sword-style linear, because literally no one wanted that, but I do think that because of the insane wave of success that botw's huge open world brought in the developers were under pressure to stay very true to botw in their designing the gameplay of totk, and I think that both the gameplay and story might have been a bit more engaging if they had been allowed to experiment a little more in their delivery of the material.

[moonstrider9904]

It's taken me a while to process the fact that Crosshair lost his hand, and I've seen many different takes on the subject. All takes and sentiments are valid and I understand they all come from somewhere, and I'm grateful to have seen such a diversity of opinions before forming my own. Cards on the table, I disagree with the sentiment that Crosshair losing his hand was a bad writing choice on the basis of it meaning that he's now healed.

Let me elaborate (and I will elaborate a lot on this):

I feel like the relation between the hand coming off and the tremor/PTSD stopping is more a symbolic connection that the fandom perceived rather than something explicitly established by canon. It was never said after Crosshair lost his hand "he is now healed because of this." If anything, the way Crosshair was written through season 3 shows us he is putting in effort to healing way before losing his hand. Meditating, slowly opening up, moving past the horrors of Tantiss, etc. These are all things Crosshair does throughout the season that help him move forward. When the subject of Tantiss is brought up again, the tremor returns, and this is a very normal response.

But if I'm honest, I doubt how much PTSD and the concept of healing is truly understood by those so openly criticizing this writing choice, because that would also mean understanding that healing is not linear and it does not come magically through one sole act, deed, or loss. If the aforementioned was understood, so many people wouldn't have an issue with this connection in the first place because, symbolic as it may be, it is not fact. It is a symbol. What we did see was healing being depicted throughout the season: you work through your issues and you do better but then you can be back at square one the next day. Even if you're doing well for a period of time, the source of your PTSD can return, and your physical symptoms along with it, and of course this is normal and valid and it is wonderful to me that this was put on screen with Crosshair.

If it had been explicitly established on screen that Crosshair was magically healed because his hand's no longer there, I would have some other things to say about the matter, but again, it was not. This is something that fandom is coming up with and people are now deciding they have an issue with, because canon did not turn out to accommodate their theories and beliefs. And, even if it had been established that Crosshair fully healed from his past demons because he lost the hand that had the tremor, that wouldn't erase all the healing he had beforehand. I think it's invalidating - to the writers, to anyone with PTSD who relates to Crosshair, and to the character's phenomenal character arc - to assume that Crosshair's hand loss is the most significant part of his healing when he did so much work on himself before it.

And I would also argue that the loss of a limb is a traumatic event in itself, and I question how exactly it would be possible for one trauma piled on top of past traumatic events is supposed to heal someone.

I hate the fact that Crosshair lost his hand as something that happened to him, I hate it because it's Crosshair. Because I saw him getting hurt on screen, more than he already was. Because his whole body was trembling when it happened. Because I witnessed a man I've loved since day one, who's so kind and caring and has grown so much have to go through something so terrible. Because he had to endure pain and suffering yet again. Because I love him. Because my heart breaks for him.

As a writing choice, however, it was shocking, but it led up to a key moment between Crosshair and Hunter, and by extension, the climax of the finale. Yes, it would be significant for Crosshair's hand to have stopped shaking for him to take the clean shot, I wouldn't have objections if that had happened in canon either. But I think the power of Crosshair landing that final shot wasn't in the hand tremor. It was in losing his shooting hand, after a lifetime of equating his own worth to being a sniper, then hearing his brother Hunter, who he went through so much trouble and resentment and forgiveness with, encouraging him. Hunter really said "you can do it" and that was when Crosshair stopped thinking of himself as a sniper, and more as a brother. And he helped saved his sister. And with that, he saved all his other brothers on Tantiss. As a writing choice, Crosshair losing his hand is something that I accept and acknowledge as canon and I have processed the initial shock to the point where now I can talk about it more, and analyzing the scenes further makes it not just sensate writing, but poetic.

Back to the subject of the PTSD, Crosshair was able to rise above losing his hand in the moment on the bridge to team up with Hunter and save Omega, and that is admirable. And even if he was peaceful in the finale, one thing we can say for sure because it actually works that way in reality is that Crosshair will have to do a lot of healing and a lot of coping post losing his hand. I arrive at that conclusion quicker than I would conclude that "he's fine now" because the latter is not humanly possible. Even when people are capable of summoning the strength in the moment, there is a lot of healing and coping needed afterwards.

Being strong in the moment and mustering a smile when things turn out alright does not invalidate the struggle and effort put into getting better both before or after that moment of strength. Crosshair was so brave on Tantiss, but he's not fully healed upon returning to Pabu because no, PTSD is not stored in the hand, and I sincerely don't think that was the writers' intention on what to convey. If anything happens afterwards that we don't see on screen, I would anticipate it's the continuation of his healing process, which is not linear or constant.

And before anyone gets angry and wants to come at me with a pitchfork, let's remember Tech's wise words: Understanding you does not mean that I agree with you. While I see and understand the reasons why many people perceived this writing choice as a lazy one, I only wish to shine light on reasons that to me make this choice make sense. I've suffered PTSD from more than one traumatic event in my life, and for a total of twelve years (and counting) I have put in the work. I have had my share of non-linear healing. I have seen first hand and know this process all too well and it is yet another reason why I think Crosshair's character arc was masterfully done.

Lastly, I want to make one final call to be respectful towards the writers of The Bad Batch for how they chose to write their story. Here on tumblr, many fanfiction writers would be appalled if a reader came up to us spewing the things they hated about our story and how we should change it. I would be appalled too. That is not a cool thing to do to a writer. So let us treat other writers with the respect we want for ourselves.

May the Force be with you all ❤️ Now that the finale's done, us writers have the whole world of TBB to explore, adapt, and make into our own, and all of it will be valid and beautiful. Just be sure to always embrace others for their differences, for that makes you whole.