#it's supposed to be 'vague' and 'representative of any one player'

[chikaoofka]

i realise, i think, i can just like... post my designs, just my designs, right?

[dropoutconfessions]

Going into FHJY I had assumed Kristen (and by extension Ally) was going to be a very hard to watch character that ONLY acted selfishly and impulsively based on the multiple posts I had seen on tumblr basically saying as much.

Imagine my surprise when I realize that Ally plays Kristen in a manner that acknowledges that she requires a lot of growth and development AND recognizes she is supposed to be 17. The decisions made seemed completely in line for the character and the development was far greater than I would expect to see from teenagers in real life (having been a teenager and also working with them…very stubborn crowd).

What I think has happened is that many of y’all expected for Kristen to change from an impulsive, judgey teenager to a mature, well-rounded adult in the course of a year. When reality is often that teenagers are wishy-washy and might taken five steps forward and three steps back. Ally plays Kristen very intentionally, even the chaotic moments. And those chaotic moments are met with a significantly more grounded and realistic sense compared to Sophmore year.

—

Also, while this confession wasn’t a response to another confession…the shoe fits, being upset that Kristen/other players did not trust Kalina is so incredibly illogical to me.

First, in what world do you just forgive and become buddy-buddy with someone that tormented you and your friends for days (months even for some or you) and promised to kill you every time you took another step closer to solving the mystery. I need y’all to like really sit down and think if you would forgive someone who made your life a living hell, killed at least one of your parents (or your friends parents), and wanted you dead. Regardless of whether or not she’s supposed to reflect Cassandra why would they trust her?

Second, the players (and subsequently the characters) operate on the information they have (that’s is whatever they learn from Brennan before, during, or after the session). They will operate based on that information. This is how DND works. If the players know that a character has a violent past that involves the murder/attempted murder of their parent/friend’s parent and are being f told said character is reformed (but gets zero real opportunity to actually gauge it for themselves outside of vague clues) they are going to act in accordance with that knowledge.

Just because you the viewer have come to the conclusion that Kalina was meant to be good and reformed (there’s some irony there that Kalina gets to be reformed without any work and Kristen doesn’t) does not mean the players will. If you’re not at the table you don’t get to call the shots.

Also who’s to say Kalina is actually evil. Maybe she’s still rage starred. Maybe she has other plans going on. Maybe she felt bad for Buddy. It was never confirmed. Fantasy High has been the one series that’s pretty consistently said, “don’t trust everything you hear or see”.

—

Last part of the rant, a final response to that other confession about Kristen.

Why shouldn’t she judge a god that let her die on the first day of school? Why couldn’t he answer her question honestly? Why would she feel any care or love towards an idol that has only represented suppression and pain for her? Why should she be kind to the symbol of a religion built on lies, hypocrisy, hatred, and death? So what if he’s a little nice. Is being nice going to keep you alive?

-

[faytalepsy]

Hi Fay! I was admiring some of your drawings yesterday and this little thing popped into my head 😊 i'm a great fan of your work (not just your drawings but your fics too) so i thought i'd share how they inspire me. It's not much but since it's the first time i write anything at all i'm trying to not be too hard on myself (apologies for any mistakes and formatting, english is not my first language)

you're a gift to this fandom ❤💫

Farah had never bothered to learn how to play chess; truth be told she didn't have the patience for it nor did she care much about strategy (luckily for her and the rest of the batallion, Saul had a natural talent for it).

At first, Rosalind had tried to encourage her to learn by using analogies (that Farah barely understood) and explaining pieces and rules and tactics and other things that Farah didn't pay much attention to. At the end of the day she couldn't remember any of it but to her relief (and surprise) her mentor didn't press it. So Farah never learnt.

Sometimes she felt guilty about it but why should she waste time with that? Her strength was her magic. She was training to become a soldier, to fight in the war. All she had to do was follow Rosalind, she'd train her and lead her into battle. She'd lead all of them to victory.

When she was young Farah used to try to work out which chess piece each member of the batallion represented, even though she only had a vague idea of their value and how they moved: were the specialists meant to be the pawns? Rosalind probably thought so, but surely Saul and Andreas were worth more than an average pawn... and what about the fairies? Would Rosalind consider the less powerful ones in the same regard as the specialists? A fairy like Ben had to be a rook at the very least; he might even become a knight or a bishop one day.

As for the king, Farah decided early on that it represented the inhabitants of the Otherworld. The queen was the most powerful piece in the board which meant it could only be Rosalind. So what was Farah supposed to be?

When she was feeling confident, Farah even dared consider herself as the queen, which left Rosalind in the place of the king. It made sense, she'd tell herself, her mentor didn't take much part in the actual fighting anymore but she remained the most important member of their army. She was the head, their leader, the only piece they couldn't afford to lose.

How stupid she'd been. How blind and ignorant. Pawns and rooks and knights, even the king and queen, they were all just pieces in a game. Rosalind had been the player all along.

Hi my wonderful amazing anon!! I'm incredibly sorry it took me this long to respond but I wanted to do it right and not just type a quick answer crammed in between lectures or other assignments!

First, thank you so so much for your message. I am truly honoured that you shared this with me and everytime I hear one of my works inspires people I could jump with joy! I feel like inspiring others is one of the most beautiful things art can do and it doesn't happen often to me that I'm on the inspiring end!💕

And of course I'm also beyond happy you like ny drawings and fics, thank you for the support!!!💕

As a chess lover (although quite the amateur I fear) I always love chess analogies!! But I have to admit I found it hard to apply them to fate characters because in my mind they only work for specific situations because everyone switches places in my head depending on situation and relationship. That's why I love love love how you had Farah deliberating the pieces and her place on the board from her perspective as a soldier in the war! And the king as the inhabitants of the otherworld would make so much sense! But also Farah deliberating both herself and Rosalind as Queen, comparing how she would measure up to her mentor just to realise that Rosalind was the player all along because she absolutely was.

Again you so much for sharing this and I hope you write more whenever inspiration hits!!

Also can I just say that this message made me happy everytime I opened my inbox for the past week?? because it absolutely has been brightening my day!💕

[fantasyinvader]

I keep thinking about No More Heroes 3 lately.

For instance, DEATHMAN. It's this retro game that acts as the opening, and it's protagonist seemingly revives Travis later in the story. But for the life of me I can't figure out if it has a deeper meaning or not. I mean, it's right there at the beginning of the game for a reason, and a sidequest is finding and selling all the DEATHMAN cards, so it had to be important right?

So I started by looking at what little story it has. Aliens invade, begin branding humans with two scores for Beauty and Intelligence, and then killing those who don't meet their standards. Deathman appears to fight off ten bosses, much like how Travis is supposed to fight ten aliens, only to die after he kills the final boss. One more corpse at the top of a pile of them with the light of heaven shining on him.

At first, I thought it was a shot at video game reviewers and their scores. That they praise the game for graphics and story, but seem to care less about gameplay at times. The minigame doesn't really have any story sections, it's just a simple beat em up. But considering Suda51's known for his quirky stories, it didn't sit right.

But I did notice it used the black dog symbolism from TSA, representing imminent death. And the ending recalls what the original NMH defined as paradise. In a world where assassins enter into ranking fights, trying to reach the top while preventing others from taking their spot, paradise is simply a place to die. It's death, a releash from the hellish cycle they found themselves in. Kill or be kill, which actually tracks with the animal realm in Buddhism for an added bonus. The original game was supposed to end with Travis being gunned down by Silvia, Travis reaching paradise at the end of his bloodsoaked journey. This was changed to Travis fighting Henry, his long lost twin brother, in a duel to the death where the outcome is unknown, it was vaguely more optimistic, and led to NMH2 where it was revealed that Silvia stopped the fight.

In TSA and NMH3, Henry's mind snapped and he's intent on killing Travis. He even exploits the video game nature of their world where a “bug” freezes Travis on the toilet during a save, a callback to Henry saving Travis from an assassin while he taking a crap in the original game once the player had reached the #1 spot in the game's true ending (as the regular ending with the assassin busting in on Travis). In a way though, he's taking Travis that to paradise according to the first game that he denied him in order to fight his brother. I mean, Henry was trying to kill Travis in that battle at the end of the first game, even having an instant kill move, so for Henry it's all about sending Travis to paradise by his own hand. It also does away with how he was on more positive terms with his brother in NMH2.

But considering FU is meant to be what Travis could have been without his character growth, even makes a callback to the first game by saying he doesn't know what fear is like Travis did against Holly Summers, this return to the original game feels deliberate. It's all to show how far Travis has actually come. Deathman beats the aliens and then dies, the light representing his ascension to paradise. This is a callback to original game with it's the scrapped ending, normal ending, and the uncertainty of it's true ending. That game was about showing how unhealthy Travis's escapism was back then, him running away from a backstory he doesn't want to remember.

One of Suda51's most beloved running themes is “kill the past.” In NMH, killing the past meant Travis confronting his backstory and killing his half-sister. It feels Deathman, a childhood favorite game of Travis's, and NMH3 is continuing that theme.

Travis reached NMH's definition of paradise, the escape from the cycle, in NMH3 when he entered the world of Deathman. He said it looked like something from an 80's arcade game, drank blood wine, then paradise rejected him, sending him back to Santa Destroy. Death doesn't seem to be the paradise NMH made it out to be, just another world of kill or be killed if you consider the idea of reincarnation and how Travis would carry the karma of his life as an assassin into his next life. Hell, death is just a setback in the NMH games, just a game over screen and prompt to return to the fight. NMH3 even adds a spinner that can give the player an edge when they come back.

So, if Travis can't simply walk away from the cycle like he did between NMH and NMH2, because his past will keep dragging him back into that world, and death isn't the escape it was said to be in NMH (in part because of game mechanics even rewarding death), how does he break the cycle?

He never fully does, but he makes progress. He's not the same otaku he was at the beginning of the game, he now has more than one friend, he seemingly owns the crappy hotel from the first game complete with a secret base in the basement. He has renown and even respect as an assassin, scored with Silvia and has two kids and a grandson who go back in time to prevent his death at Henry's hands at the end of the game. Whereas the loved ones of those he has killed may come at him for revenge, his loved ones will attempt to save him. In the previous games, it was always about heading to the garden of madness, but NMH3 Silvia's pre-fight talks welcome him into the garden of insanity. Even her last lines in the series is her doing so, as Travis heads off to prevent his own death.

Travis may be trapped in a cycle, but that doesn't mean he should be embracing death. Instead, it's important to live especially with your friends, family, and ninja student.

Going back to the idea of kill the past, what better way to end the NMH franchise? Travis was created to be a loser despite his skill with knockoff lightsabers. In the first game it was clear he wasn't the escapist character you wanted it be as he was trying his own hand at escapism. But now? He's still a dork but he has become that escapist character he wasn't meant to be. In a way, he's become his own antithesis in the best way possible.

FU is who Travis could have been if not for his growth, Henry regresses because he's unable to kill the past who consumes him going from the cool, handsome foil to a dark reflection of NMH1 Travis (who, in a reversal of that game, Travis finds embarrassing), and Deathman is what NMH used to be. Hell, Henry is also shown recovering from his involvement in fratricide, so it's not like he's outside of the cycle as well. He dies, respawns and then returns to trying to return the favor and will continue doing so when Travis is a grandpa, even teaming up with aliens to do so just like Damien did. He's performing the same plot as the game we just finished and he's still a cosplaying dickhead, how's that for being unable to kill the past?

It may be a callback to the ambiguous ending to the first game, with us being left in the dark over the final outcome, but at this point the difference is that Travis Touchdown is no longer alone. And because he's not alone, he can keep on living. To die is to be consumed by loneliness, whereas to live is to make connections with the world around you.

Or maybe Suda51 just has a really good dealer.

[nikkisticki]

I'd like to hear about dark souls if you mean it :)

Oh, the Ds3 thing?

Alright, so Ds1 is a video game...and it's meant to be Miyazaki's big reflection on Demon Souls and a lot of ideas that have been bouncing around his head, and the endings are meant to be viewed by themselves. Miyazaki was adamantly against any sequel and had no intention of continuing this world.

If you're not aware, two endings await you at the end of DS1, either you light yourself on fire and let your immense soul burn to revitalize reality, or you abandon it and permit the age of Light to fade, instead ruling it as the Dark Lord.

Now, a basic interpretation would be that these are on a Good/Evil axis, which is blatantly untrue. Both endings are intentionally left vague and what happens afterwards effectively up to you, the player.

Perhaps lighting yourself on fire starts a new thousand year era of peace, but to what end, another great hollowing that forces another to repeat this process, buying smaller and smaller periods of "good" eras as less and less souls can be found to burn?

Or, perhaps the second lighting led to others seeking pilgrimage to continue the tradition, burning themselves to keep the world running and never permitting it to occur again.

Similarly, the dark ending could be that you've allowed endless darkness to consume the decaying bones of reality...or perhaps you wisely realized that going Hollow was a flaw of Humanity (the thing in your chest), and sought to correct it, to create a new age or dark where humans can prosper freely and not under the rule of tyrant gods.

it's entirely left to you, and meant to represent that you've overcome this lands Gods to do...something. Something that Miyazaki specifically wanted to be left to you, not given concrete meaning by a game he didn't make-

Now, post launch, Miyazaki moves immediately onto Bloodborne, but the current head of the company (who would be later assassinated by Miyazaki and replaced by him) wanted MORE MONEY, and wanted Miyazaki to make a sequel, a sequel he firmly believed shouldn't ever exist.

So they got some other guy to make it! Halfway through development of Ds2, that guy was replaced by one of Miyazaki's best (Yui Tanimura) after the whole Assassination thing (it's true look it up by searching "Ds2 assassin r34"), who then tried to put what he could together...but at the end of the day, Ds2's base existence shits on Ds1.

Ds2 makes the very silly argument that the Age of Light and the Age of Dark are just two ways that reality always goes, that this process has been repeated over and over and over with the four Gods eternally reincarnated into new bodies or otherwise represented (One of the last Witches of Izalith possesses the Lost Sinner, The Rotten is LITERALLY JUST A BABY NITO, The Duke himself is Seath being reincarnated and the stupid fucking Balrog is Gywn, somehow?) and no matter what you do, you're fucked and realities fucked.

I'm going to ignore talking about ds2 anymore as I'd have to stop and explain some of the actually good ideas (like the shards of Manus), but just by existing DS2 says that Ds1's ending is meaningless and pointless.

Now, Ds3 comes around and is clearly Miyazaki's last straw, clearly a game he felt compelled to make to clean up Dark Souls image, and put it to rest forever. These endless cycles have led to countless Kings and Lords who've all been long forgotten, reality itself has fallen apart and now regions are just in the wrong place (The entrance to Irithyll is actually blocked off by the mountain that the Carthus Catacombs exist within, which is not where it's suppose to be if you look at the road leading into town), with every ending a variation of "Reality is FUCKING DONE FOR", and the true ending post the dlc confirms both in canon and out that the next world should be one entirely different then this (check out the painters dialogue for that).

However, what's particularly fascinating is that entities that should be dead simply aren't, like Ornstein who has been killed twice in two games and yet still somehow was with the Nameless King. Some people take to the belief that Ds1's Ornstein was a golem and Ds2's Ornstein is the real deal, but in actuality I believe it's meant to be part of the timeline thing.

I'd try to find the interview, but as Miyazaki has given HUNDREDS OF THEM, I'll never find it without spending an hour looking, but as I mentioned previously Miyazaki has tried to explain before that the timeline of the games isn't directly linear, and how is pretty simple to figure out.

In Ds1's own canon, once you complete the game this becomes its own seperate timeline, meaning these endless cycles don't occur as the Chosen Undead does whatever you the player wanted, making DS2/Ds3 noncanon to your playthrough, while DS2 is effectively turned into a sort of "What if...?" game, with it's ending having the same rule.

This can be gathered if you at look at Wolnir (also known as Big Skeleton OG) and his crown of many lords he took from them which the Bearer of the Curse should instead possess, but additional points can be made such as that Tarkus knockoff invader carrying one of the rings of the Ivory Knights, who he supposedly killed the last of (which is impossible as the last of them joined you in putting down the Ivory King). There's some more evidence to be gathered, but the key one is that none of the games ever mention other games protagonists, nobody ever says "HEY DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BEARER OF THE CURSE? DUDE HAS A LASER SWORD!", because they never came to be.

Ds3 then sits as the final gasp of the series, entirely demanding that another game in this timeline can never occur (although Miyazaki could change his mind, he has mentioned the idea of a prequel to Ds1 once or twice) and effectively just exists to make Ds2 less ruinous to Ds1.

There's a good chunk more, but essentially

Ds1 ----> Ds1 Ending

Ds2 -----> Ds2 Ending

Ds3 -----> Ds3 Ending

[yellowmagicalgirl]

📽?????

Send me a 📽 and I’ll tell you about an animatic I’ll never make

So you probably haven't listened to Khyber Shards, but my brain is there and has been there for a while and since you're an anon I'm not gonna try to tailor this to any shared fandoms.

Also, tbh, my ideas are most heavily concentrated toward the front and back ends of the song.

Everybody knows that the dice are loaded - The players & DM all sitting around a gaming table. On the table, you can see the minis for the PC's, as seen in the prologue.

Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed - One of the players or DM picks up a d4 and rolls it. As they do so, it morphs into the pyramid-shaped floating citadel of the Twelve.

Everybody knows the war is over - We see Soryn walking with the Stryke Force, a group of Deneith guards hovering in the background.

Everybody knows the good guys lost - Daine and Thora look at each other, and briefly we see three other figures around them, with scribbles over where their faces are supposed to be. These three are supposed to represent their team, now dead.

The rest of the stanza as well as the next few stanzas would be dedicated to episodes 2-147 or so, and while I have some vague ideas for what scene goes where, I don't know quite where to place them (aside from under a cut)

Everybody got this broken feeling / Like their father or their dog just died - Something to do with Tommel. Maybe it's the map job, or maybe it's earlier.

Everybody talking to their pockets / Everybody wants a box of chocolates / And a long-stem rose - The Storm Lords discussing the fate of the Stryke Force. If this scene occurs on talking to their pockets, then box of chocolates is Thora rescuing the Stryke Force. If the scene is on box of chocolates, then the prior scene would tie more directly to the Twelve, while the scene after is Thora rescuing the Stryke Force. If the scene is long-stem rose, then there may not be a Thora rescue scene.

Everybody knows that you love me baby - either Pog and Solarka or Shade and Ari.

And everybody knows that it's now or never / Everybody knows that it's me or you - Either the Stryke Force heading over to Blackbriar or the Tommel vs Ari duel.

And everybody knows that you live forever / When you've done a line or two - Either both of Esri's deaths, Esri's first death contrasted with Ari's death (since Erandis brought both of them back), or Ari's deal with the Forgotten Prince contrasted by his deal with the Forgotten Queen. No matter what, Erandis has to be here.

And now we're back to me having a very good idea of pacing.

And everybody knows that the plague is coming - The Stryke Force faces the murderbot, Thora grabs its head, and forces gather near the manor.

Everybody knows that it's moving fast - smashcut of Daine, the Stryke Force, and Demise all making their way through the ziggurat

Everybody knows that the naked man and woman - Ari explains that they were all born with their marks (possibly with some more of the smashcut towards the front end of the lyric)

Are just a shining artifact of the past - Cardaen, with his eye sparkling for effect.

Everybody knows the scene is dead - Cardaen and Ari talk, and Cardaen clutches his head.

But there's gonna be a meter on your bed - As tribute to all the times I have misheard the lyric as "on your head", Demise touches Cardaen's head and casts Greater Restoration on him.

That will disclose - Cul'Sir kills Vadallia. This scene will bleed into the end of the previous lyric, as well, for timing purposes.

What everybody knows - Daine flying everyone back to Stormreach. The scene zooms in on a particular area of Stormreach, where...

And everybody knows that you're in trouble - Thora can be seen limping her way through the streets of Stormreach.

And everybody knows what you've been through - The scene glitches to Thora in a similar pose, back in Blackwheel. For stylization purposes, her face is currently on fire instead of the horrific burns being visible.

From the bloody cross on top of Calvary - Thora is captured by Blackwheel, but there is defiance on her face.

To the beach of Malibu - Glitch cut to Thora in the same pose, but in Stormreach, and there is a look of despair on her face instead.

Everybody knows it's coming apart - While held captive, a look of utter terror crosses Thora's face as Soryn walks into the room.

Take one last look at this sacred heart - Thora's communicator, surrounded by all the messages she has sent after she left the manor with the murderbot head. It's left unclear if she herself was the one to send them.

Before it blows - A panel split four ways between the Stryke Force and Daine. All of them are horrified, and as the lyric continues, each of their sections disappears, revealing the next scene beneath.

Everybody knows - One of two scenes. Either Thora is held at wandpoint, even more heavily injured than she was prior to Everybody knows it's coming apart, or she is fully healed, but her eyes are glowing a solid color as she points a sword at them.

[puppetsandpantry]

My Avatar History

This is the post the last month of content has been building up to. It doesn't really mean anything to anybody but me, but I want to document this info as a fun little project. This will be going through all the variations and changes in my online avatar since I first started using custom avatars. Let me weave you a tale.

So sometime in the past, around August of 2020, I was a player of the now shuttered game Club Penguin Rewritten. The owners of Club Penguin Rewritten held an art contest, and I decided to participate. I drew a pixel art version of the Astro Barrier ship from the minigame Astro Barrier. I don't have that file anymore, so I can't show it here, but imagine the astro barrier ship (which was already pixelated) but with a bit more graphical fidelity. Like taking something 8-bit and making it sixteen bit. I really enjoyed drawing that space ship, and so I decided to make another, fully original, top down spaceship image. After a bit of tinkering, and a lot of use of the "make rectangle" and "make circle" tools, I came up with something that looked like this:

(This is a recreation based on my memory) At that time, I realized that it vaguely looked like a face. So I made it a face.

At the time, I thought this looked really cool, and based on my desire to have a custom avatar on youtube, I chose this to be my avatar. (Fun Fact: The green and red lights were holdovers for the idea of this being a flying ship of some kind.) One of the next days, I decided to make this not just a head, and gave it a body.

This thing looked really bad, and not long after making it I decided to shelve the idea of giving this thing a body. (Fun Fact: This is the first time I recorded the light on his face red rather than green. This would not be done consistently afterwards, but I did it here first.) The only thing I would keep from this design was the little blue glowing hands, though they never appeared in any official capacity.

After this, I wanted to go back and make some changes to the avatar, or at least I think I did. I don't remember. In any case, due to the way I used to save my pixel art files, when I brought the avatar back into the editing program, it made some weird color blurring changes. For some reason, I liked how said changes looked at the time, and decided to use them in the actual version. I christened this version the "Hi-Rez" version, despite that making no sense.

(I think I thought that it looked like it was shaded better, but it really just looks messy.)

After this, I made some variations for holidays, Halloween and Christmas specifically.

The Halloween avatar is supposed to look like a Jack-O-Lantern, and the Christmas one should be self explanatory. I think I only used the Christmas avatar once, but the Halloween Avatar got used a couple of times. Now for a quick diversion: My original tumblr avatar. The avatars I've shown thus far were only being used on Youtube and Twitter, and maybe some other places that have since stopped existing. When I created my Tumblr, I initially planned on keeping my Tumblr and Twitter separate, though I've now gone back on that decision. When deciding on an avatar, I picked a random file I had lying around, and that was this:

This is a design made inside the Nitrome game "Steamlands," which includes a rudimentary flag designer tool. The resolution on them isn't great, and this is an upscaled version. It's supposed to be a skull, but it looks crappy. I figured it would suffice. At this point, my avatars are stable for a while. To get into why they changed, we first have to talk about my twitter banner. Here is my old twitter banner:

It's the name "Dipped Feathers, with what are supposed to be feathers in the "t", with Sleeping Beauty Castle, a really squashed game controller, and a half animatronic, half bird thing in the foreground. These were chosen to represent my main interests at the time, theme parks, video games, and animatronics. I don't have the file anymore, but the original version of this banner had a dog instead of a bird for the animatronic; I changed it when I realized that a bird made more sense with the name. (Fun Fact: I will not disclose where the name "Dipped Feathers'' comes from.) Here is the Christmas version:

There is snow and the controller is now hot chocolate. This probably also got used only once. (Why there isn't snow on the roof of the castle, I don't know.)

Cut to September of 2023, and I realize that I really didn't like how this banner looked. So I decided to make a new one. Here it is:

I decided to focus more on wavy letters for this one, which are something I have a fondness for. The weird divot at the beginning of "Dipped" is so that the banner doesn't overlap the twitter avatar space. I made the background for this black, which I like because it looks seamless to the rest of the twitter interface when in dark mode. I was really satisfied with this logo, and left it like that for a while. Cut to late September, I became really interested in The Amazing Digital Circus by @gooseworx and Glitch Productions. Even now, I remain obsessed. Knowing that the pilot would be released on October 13th (go watch it), I decided to prepare something to show my excitement. In addition to a group shot of all the characters from the show, I also made this:

It's my avatar with Pomni's Jester hat. (Note: I made the light red instead of green when designing this one, along with cleaning up the blurred details of the "Hi-Rez" version). I used this avatar from October 13th to October 23, before switching back to my halloween avatar for the rest of the month. But while I was designing this variant of the avatar, I realized I really didn't like the avatar base. For one thing, I'd never given it a name (the file name is just "yeet") or even figured out what it was. It wasn't really an OC because it didn't have character. It's a gormless face thing. So I began to make some new ideas, staying in line, color wise, with the new banner I had made. Here are those:

These were all pretty bad. My first attempt was just recoloring the old avatar with the new colors. It didn't look good, but it did lead somewhere. I now share with you, in gif form, the process of getting from my old avatar to my new avatar:

I realized while messing with the colors that the central teal part of the old avatar was basically a little ghost shape. So I gave them the colors of the new banner, and almost immediately I loved how it looked. It's definitely simpler than the old avatar, but it has potential to actually be a character, and it actually looks like something. I couldn't tell you what the old avatar was. This one is a ghost. Simple as that.

I've used this avatar since I made it here on Tumblr and on Youtube, but I've waited till today to use it on twitter. I actually made this avatar on the same day as the Pomni version of the old avatar, and had I not made that avatar, I would have started using this on twitter immediately. I really wanted to use that avatar (and the Halloween one, one more time) before saying goodbye to the avatar design, so I waited until the beginning of November. Which is now, as of me writing this. Thanks for reading!

[coinnewz]

New DeFi bill has “unworkable obligations”

The Crypto Council for Innovation says the new AML bill provides no workable framework for illicit finance in DeFi. According to the crypto alliance, the bill’s proposals go “in the opposite direction” to what the proper approach should be. The CCI says legal obligations highlighted in the bill are “arbitrarily placed on persons”. A bill introduced in the US Senate on anti-money laundering and other illicit finance activities in the decentralised finance (DeFi) space “fails to provide a workable framework”, the Crypto Council for Innovation has said. The bill was introduced by Senators Jack Reed (Rhode Island) Mike Rounds (South Dakota), Mark Warner (Virginia) and Mitt Romney (Utah). Its proposals include the application of AML obligations to DeFi protocols and crypto ATMs.   CoinJournal reported on the new DeFi bill’s proposals earlier today. Legal obligations are arbitrarily placed on persons The CCI, which represents a group of industry leaders and players committed to advancing the crypto industry, has released a statement noting that the bills’ proposals, including the proposed requirements aimed at backers and facilitators of DeFi fall short of a “workable framework.” 2/ TL;DR: the proposal fails to provide a workable framework to actually address illicit finance in these sectors. https://t.co/CIbbbYuIkk — Crypto Council for Innovation (@crypto_council) July 19, 2023 Although it notes that illicit finance is a legitimate national security concern, the council faults the bill’s framers for going “in the opposite direction” with regard to the DeFi sector. “Illicit finance is a legitimate national security concern, and while its volume is tiny in crypto compared to TradFi, leveraging the transparency & programmability inherent in blockchain systems to derive appropriate compliance measures unique to crypto is a good idea. Unfortunately, this bill goes the opposite direction. It places legal obligations arbitrarily on persons who have no actual way to influence protocols once they are deployed, and completely fails to account for the unique attributes of blockchain-backed systems,” the Council said. One of the issues the CCI points out from the bill is the obligation put on supposed “Digital Asset Protocol Backers.” Per the bill, this would be any person holding more than $25 million worth of a DeFi protocol’s governance token or has invested $25 million or more into the protocol’s development.  It also places obligations on so-called “Digital Asset Transaction Facilitators”, who would be any person deemed to have control over the protocol or offers access to an application that facilitates transactions on the said crypto protocol. The Council says these proposals are not only “weird”, but advance vagueness with regard to the definition of “facilitators.” More than that, the group says the bill contains “unworkable obligations” and offers “no actual guidance.”  “The proposal offers no actual guidance on technical ways for decentralised protocols to comply with BSA reporting requirements. It is not feasible to collect personal identification information from such protocols, and the bill neither tackles this technical complexity nor provides solutions on how to address this limitation.” the Crypto Council noted. As part of its input on the issue of DeFi regulation, the CCI says it’s collaborating with industry experts, regulators both in the US and from elsewhere to draft a framework for the appropriate regulation of the sector. “We are consulting with industry experts and regulators in the U.S. and other leading jurisdictions to develop a technologically sound approach to mitigating illicit finance in DeFi,” the statement reads in part. While its strong-worded statement highlighted what’s not right with the bill, the CCI acknowledges that it is still in the early stages and that its authors are open to dialogue on best way forward. The expectation is that the bill will see “plenty of edits” going forward. 22/ CCI will continue to work tirelessly to ensure policymakers have accurate info about the operations of DeFi protocols and crypto ATMs. It is critical that regulation strike the careful balance between establishing safeguards and fostering innovation in the U.S. — Crypto Council for Innovation (@crypto_council) July 19, 2023 Share this articleCategoriesTags Source link Read the full article

[rainbowfucker]

Thinking about that fursona post, it's interesting bc to me there's actually a pretty thin line between fursona and OC? like, May the alpaca is pretty firmly in the fursona camp bc she's supposed to look like me and I use her to represent myself, and I think it's the most direct transplant of my personality into a character. She in a way is me, but not quite enough that I would call her me. I also just don't care for the idea of an OC being literally me.

Bee and Merle are more idealized, representing certain aspects of myself and aesthetics that I vibe with. I consider them fursonas bc they're still personal avatars, just in a more abstract sense.

Ruby is a mascot. She's just a little scrunkly that I don't really directly relate to in any meaningful sense but I still use her as an avatar in a way that separates her from my other OCs.

I also have other sonas that are essentially self insert avatars for various franchises and I don't really identify with them as much as my main fursonas. They're kinda like somewhere in between a proper fursona and an OC

Other than that, my OCs range anywhere from a personal character that I project onto but is ultimately totally separate from myself, to a player character in a game, to a character design with a name and a vague idea of who they are.

So like, I think the distinction of what constitutes a fursona is ultimately arbitrary and personal. Everyone has a different idea of where that line is and how much it divides their fursona(s) from everything else and I think that's cool. Saw one person on that post trying to objectively dictate what a fursona definitely is and I think that's pretty silly! Like who cares its all fake and personal. Just have fun with it

[scringee]

SO delighted you asked, Sid.

First of all, I want to preface this with I am by no means trying to claim re6 would become a perfect game w/o them. Re6 still has a multitude of issues outside of their route. But, those issues I feel are more run of the mill compared to what their route does. Like, re6 would be a bitch to play alone. That's also true w re5. Re6 has some annoying ass mechanics, as do most re games before it. You know? Standard shit.

My main issue with the Leon and Helena route is how separated it is from the main story. When you play through Jake and Sherry's route, you get the main idea of what Chris and Piers are doing and vice versa. You can also tell they're basically doing the same thing. Chris and Piers are trying to fight back these j'avo and avenge the fallen team. Sherry and Jake are fighting the j'avo, trying to get a cure in the means of Jake's blood and data into the right hands. While separated, they're still connected against the same cause. Stopping the spread of this virus.

If you play only Chris and Piers route, you have no fucking clue what Leon and Helena are doing. They're so like. It's so disconnected. It's hard to follow without playing the route yourself, and while I get that's to generate more play time and make you want to play through their route to find out what's going on, it's like. There are more effective ways of doing that. I knew what was going on w Jake and Sherry, and I still wanted to play it. Keeping the story from the player does not help out the cause.

Also, there's the issue of Helena.. capcom cannot write women. This is no surprise to anybody. It's just... really especially heinous with her. She's supposed to be a character we like and want to root for, yet when you're going through the zombie apocalypse in the first section, she actively complains when Leon wants to help out. She doesn't tell Leon anything. This main character (so, you), are purposefully left in the dark about what the fuck is happening, and that's incredibly frustrating. It also takes way too long to get to any kind of action w the both of them. Compared to the other routes, Leon and Helena are incredibly slow. I realize it's an attempt to build suspense? But it's not well done. Also the fight w her sister..? Where her sister is butt ass fucking naked? It's bad. It's bad, it's so bad I don't even want to think about it. How am I supposed to care about these two when capcom actively strangles any attempt of treating them like regular people?

Then, the main problem. Their route is not fun. When I was playing the Jake and Sherry route with my friend, we were having a fucking blast. We would be dicking around the entire time and laughing at the ridiculousness of shit that was happening. We spent at least 30 minutes in that one spa just having Jake and Sherry crawl around in the water and joking about them playing mermaids together. With Leon and Helena? It was tedious. We both just wanted it to be over. That's not what you want to think when you're playing a game for fun. I mean, there was a fucking mechanic to look for keys in a car. That's so boring.

I'm not the type of person to complain without offering a solution. I think it would've been much better if the route had been Leon and Ada teamed up together. Not only have they worked together in the past, but it would also connect him much more to the main story. Chris thinks Ada murdered his entire team. Jake and Sherry would think Ada is the one who kept them in a facility for 6 months. It could be Leon tagging along to try and help Ada clear her name. Not only would it then tie it in, it would also go to explain what the fuck is happening with Carla, which is also hella vague.

So, in conclusion, I think the Leon and Helena route ruined a lot of people's perceptions of re6 because people choose to play it first and it is very very bad and not representative of the game as whole, but because the experience was so shitty, people wouldn't go play the other routes.

I was playing re6 last night, and I have been convinced that if the Leon and Helena route didn't exist, the game probably would've been better received. It would not be considered "The Worst" Resident Evil.

[purkinje-effect]

I visited Tanagra Town in my hunt for Royal Jelly while working on my Tadpole Cook merit badge, only possessing a vague understanding in advance that it’s one of those “Lovecraft vibe” locations. When I got there, I expected to find the usual culprit in a hidden cave, so the first time I combed the location, I missed it... because I didn’t think to look up.

I’m still stuck on what sort of reference the town name could possibly be making. It’s hard to make sense of it, fittingly, and I have some vague thoughts.

Literally, Darmok + Jalad feels like it might be a “Tower of Babel” type of implication. In the referenced Star Trek episode, the Enterprise struggles to forge meaningful communication with an alien race whose language is entirely contextual: to know what the words mean, one must know the culture behind it.

Figuratively, Tanagra feels like it might describe multiple individuals and/or factions overcoming a shared threat through an unlikely alliance. If so, my best guesses are that the heavily-contextualized communication involves that one Kanawha Nuka-Cola Plant note about hiding something “in that place where I put that thing that time”...

...or I’m mega reaching and supposing that Tanagra itself could represent the franchise’s referential dialogue with its players, as a sort of fourth wall jab at itself.

Does Nuka-Cola factor into any of this? The Enclave scientists? The miners? What did the Nuka-Cola coworkers smuggle out of the bottling plant in Kanawha, and did one of them hide it in Tanagra? Was the metal head a part of any of this? Is there any correlation between any of the Capital Wastes metal face locations, esp. Point Lookout (and the Dunwich Building) one state over?*

The details in Tanagra Town could also be a standard “alien/interdimensional communication attempt” trope, and referencing the ST as one iconic example.

It also weirds me out a bit that Tanagra Town is a plant-choked location, and the only other location to mention the place is a (bottling) plant.

* I don’t know why it’s sticking out to me in particular that Bysshe Co. was directly involved with the tunnel in Harper’s Ferry, the closest named town or city to Tanagra.

[Edit: Still haven’t booted it yet, but now I’m stuck on the fact Picard used Gilgamesh to communicate with the Tamarian alien, and then there being a Gilgamesh reference in 76 in the form of One Violent Night. I think I’m going to start my dive at the Sons of Dane compound... (Edit 2: I got Beowolf and Gilgamesh mixed up. Sorry about that.) At the end of "Darmok," Picard is brushing up on his human mythos by reading the Homeric Hymns, which are poems addressed to various Greek deities, in the hopes that doing so will expand his ability to communicate with the Tamarians. There's something here. There's got to be.]

[hrokkall]

on the note of Stoat/P03 being introduced before totems are (in regards to him not having a tribe), you do also have two Wolf cards and a River Snapper in your starting deck - which belong to the Canine and Reptile tribes - but of course, you need naturally strong cards in order to have a chance at beating Leshy. I just find it interesting that he’s an isolated card while the other two aren’t.

my only thought is that it’s supposed to distance P03 from the Scrybes/emphasise his otherness since he becomes so relevant in the late game. I’ve also seen people mention that his theme as a Scrybe is somewhat out of place with the others (Beasts, Dead, Magick, Technology) and when you take into account how the Scrybes interact when plotting against the Scrybe in control, it’s obvious that he’s probably the most disliked within the group.

this derailed a bit but I have fun discussing P03 :0

Okay, I’m going to take this one point at a time:

Regarding totems, yeah you’re right on that one. The player can’t use totems at that point because they can’t open the safe and get the key, but Leshy absolutely can and does (one of the first things he does is bust out a canine totem and put flying sigils on his coyotes). The symbols representing their tribe show up on the side of the card accordingly.

For your second point, it could be to distance him from the other Scrybes, but also… unclassified cards are the largest category by far. It has a grand total of 23 cards, 24 if you count squirrels (though they’re technically in the squirrel group), and 25 if you count the glitched card that can appear as any other card. Sure, it can’t be given sigils by totems, but that’s about 40% of the total cards in act 1 (not counting terrain/pelt cards or deathcards). Yes, the other two aren’t unclassified, but they’re also not in the same group either—if they were both insects or something along those lines I’d definitely see your point, but in this case it just seems like another way to declare their differences from each other. His relevance is already declared by making him the first talking card acquired, at least the way I see it.

I will disagree with you on that last point though. Inscryption is a game about a power struggle between four sapient AIs; at least one of the AI characters having a technology motif makes sense. Technology in general fits in the presence of the other three because they’re all supposed to be heavily different from one other. Act 2 feels a little chaotic when you’re first going into it because you’re being slammed with four motifs that clash in four different ways and the faces behind the game aren’t even trying to make it work anymore (they do work, yes, but the Scrybes aren’t making much of a collective effort—they all see the base game as unsalvageable for four different reasons).

Saying one particular Scrybe is the most different from the others is like arguing that a neutral gray is the most similar to any fully saturated primary color; you could make an argument for any of them, but in the end they’re all too different to make comparisons other than “these are colors”. Hell, their isolation from one another is even shown by their four drastically different islands connected only by a broken bridge. Maybe that’s just me but I don’t think singling any one of them out from the others is a fair comparison when they’ve all seemingly made active efforts to take what little binds them together and tear it to shreds.

Also I don’t know if P03 is the most hated. Maybe? It certainly doesn’t get along with the others, but… neither does anyone else (except maybe Grimora). To me it seemed more like the others’ bias changed depending on who was in charge. Pretty much the only time anyone got along beyond vague civility was when they were trying to usurp one of the other four. There’s just a lot of animosity between them in general and when one of them gets power that Scrybe become a pretty good target to take it out on (and also because they’re doubtlessly pulling some Wild Shit while they have the ability to control the entire world at their whim. You know how it is).

[typical-simplelove]

Since We Were Three (J. Oleksiak)

Summary: What happens when you go work for the Dallas Stars and your childhood enemy plays for them, too?

A/n: Here is a fun enemies to lovers I wrote. This is the first time I've ever written for that trope, but I want to write more so buckle up! Enjoy this!!

Warnings: people doing things enemies do (sorry, that's really vague), mentions of sex, breaking/spraining ankles

Word Count: 12.1k

You didn’t expect to move to Dallas; it wasn’t even on your radar. All you really remember is sitting at your parents' house back home and you got an email from your Linkedin saying that there was a position open for something you were qualified for. You didn’t even bother to look at where it was; you opened the application, read the prerequisites, and filled it out. You were desperate to get a job, so it didn’t matter. Only after you emailed your application did you realize where it was - Dallas. It didn’t even register in your mind at the time that your former neighbor and lifelong enemy lives in Dallas or plays for the Dallas Stars, the organization you just sent an application for. They were looking for someone to work in their marketing department. If you knew that your former neighbor and lifetime enemy was working for the Dallas Stars, then you’d probably not have submitted the application. You decided, however, that the pros greatly outweighed the cons, and you doubted that you’d ever need to interact with the players unless they had a marketing issue. You doubt they would, right?

You got an email three days later asking for an interview. You emailed them back saying that you lived in Canada and weren’t sure if you could make it down for an interview. Thankfully, they said that they’d be willing to have a virtual interview; however, you’d have to be willing to move to Dallas for the job. You knew for a fact that you’d be more than willing to move to Dallas. That wasn’t the problem. So, you and the Dallas Stars’ representative set a time for your virtual meeting. You had the interview, and it seemed like they liked you. You got an email three days later that you got the job; you moved to Dallas three days after that and started four days later.

You completely forgot about the fact that your enemy slash former neighbor was in Dallas until your mother brought it up.

“Hey, yn, you know, you don’t not know anyone in Dallas.” You were confused. You literally moved to a country in which you knew no one.

“Mom, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Jamie, remember him? Jamie Oleksiak. You hated him growing up. Well, remember, he plays for the Dallas Stars. You should contact him.”

The normal warmth in your face immediately drained. Yeah, now you remember. The only reason you had the slightest inkling as to what Jamie was up to was because your mother and his mother were good friends. You don’t care for him at all.

You knew that you couldn’t just outright and tell your mother “no”, so you pivoted. “Maybe,” you said and your mother seemed to think that meant that you’d be reaching out to Jamie. You weren’t. You were going to do everything in your power to try to avoid him. There was no way that someone who worked in marketing would ever come in contact with any of the players, right? You didn’t work in media that was in constant contact with the team, and you didn’t work in anything to do with the contracts or paychecks. As long as you keep a quiet profile, you expect you should be fine, right?

This worked for your first season working with Stars. You were new and a few years out of college, so your more experienced colleagues made sure to observe what you were doing. You were happy with this. Before working in Dallas, you only worked for one small company and you were one of two people in the marketing department. The reason you were looking for a new job was that this company went bankrupt. Yeah, you were grateful for the oversight you received. You made it one year without seeing, hearing, talking to, or being around Jamie. The fact that the two of you were in the same city made your blood boil. You hated Jamie Oleksiak with your entire being, and you hoped to avoid him as much as possible.

You went into the second season thinking that you’d have the ability to remain anonymous to the team and stay in your lane. This, unfortunately, did not work. You went to work on the morning that training camp started. You sat at your desk and noticed that everyone was quite angsty. You turned to a friend and asked what was going on. She told you that someone from management was coming to find people to work for the GM, specifically, someone in marketing. You knew that you’d be the last one selected considering your lack of experience. You were wrong.

The minute the representative from the GM’s offices walked in and saw your application, you were swept up and taken to their offices. Happy with the new promotion, you didn’t realize that you’d be closer to Jamie.

The notion hit you nine days after you were promoted when Tyler Seguin walked into the office and walked over to you.

“Yn, right?” he says and you nod. “We need someone to fill in with media personnel and they asked for you.”

“Oh!” you say; you had experience in media but not that much to get a recommendation.

“Yeah, they said to be there at 1:30pm.”

“Thanks,” you tell Tyler; he smiles at you and waves.

So you were going to be getting closer to the team than you thought.

. . .

As you walked down the hall towards the locker room, you ran right into the wall. Except it wasn’t a wall.

“Oh, you’re not a wall,” you say mostly to yourself. It was a very hard and firm person.

“So, you’re telling me you would have walked into me also if I were a wall?” You look up and see none other than Jamie Oleksiak looking back at you.

His beautiful eyes made you want to throw up. There was no word to express how much you hated him. Literally just staring at him for a second made you want to run away and scream.

“I, no, I just thought I had more time before I had to turn the corner.”

“Sure,” he says in a voice that makes you want to punch him; however, looking at him, you know it wouldn’t hurt at all and do the damage you wanted. Since when did he get so big? “Hey, Yn. I heard you started working for the Stars organization. Welcome to Dallas.”

“Yeah, no, you’re not my welcome party. And I’ve been in Dallas for almost a year.” You immediately back up but trip over your feet. Jamie instantly reaches out and helps you balance. You feel your face suddenly grow warm. Why did Jamie’s enormously large hands have this effect on you?

“You always were quite clumsy growing up. Tripping and falling for me, I mean in front of me.” Jamie’s joke didn’t go past you. It infuriated you. He liked to think that you were in love with him. You weren’t.

“You know, the only reason I kept on falling was because you kept tripping me. It’s your fault.” You storm away angrily and head to where you need to be.

Jamie smiles after you. “That’s the feistiness that I remember.”

You turn around and glare at him. Yeah, this wasn’t going to be fun.

. . .

You’ve hated Jamie Oleksiak since he tripped you in daycare when you were three years old. The first three years of your life, you didn’t mind Jamie. Your mothers were best friends, and you were both neighbors. Your parents were both ER surgeons and sometimes they had to go in for emergency surgery. This was one of those days. Your father was already working and your mother was called in for emergency surgery, so Jamie’s mother was going to pick you up from preschool. You put on your small, sparkly light purple backpack and followed Jamie and his mother out the door. The minute you were about to cross the parking lot, Jamie stuck his foot out and you tripped and fell on your face. You didn’t immediately feel the pain until Jamie’s mother helped you up and mentioned that your face was bleeding. You touched your face and began to cry. Jamie tripped you purposefully and now your face was bleeding. From that day forward, you hated Jamie Oleksiak with your entire being. How could someone who was supposed to be your friend and care for you purposefully hurt you? Where was the logic in that? Why could Jamie purposefully hurt you unless he didn’t like you? He must hate you to want to hurt you.

It wasn’t just because he tripped you; Jamie began to make your life miserable. From taunting you on the playground to tripping you all the time. It continued into kindergarten and elementary school. Middle school was terrible. He taunted you and made fun of you. He always found ways to make anything you were enthusiastic about a reason to taunt you. He joined clubs because you were in them and so he could bring his stupid with him who would the experience unenjoyable for you. You remember your parents telling you to ignore him and Jamie probably had a crush on you. He didn’t. He just out of nowhere opted to make your life miserable.

It only got worse in high school. As his popularity grew in high school as a result of hockey, he only became more cocky and unbearable. He always found a way to make you miserable. Whenever you had any remote crush or boyfriend, Jamie always swept in and ruined it for you. By the time you graduated and went to college, you were ready to leave the horrors that Jamie brought on to you. You were quite proud of the fact that despite your mothers being friends, you had no idea about anything to do with Jamie’s life. You went to college and built a life that was the exact opposite of the misery that Jamie brought into your life.

. . .

You walk into the locker room and Carrie, one of the other media execs, greets you. “Yn, right?”

You nod. “Yeah, that’s me.”

“We need you to fill in for a few weeks with our media team because one of the media personnel had to leave for a family emergency. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, I mean, I’m not sure how good I’ll be at it, but I’m willing to give it a shot.”

Carrie laughs. “It’s not too hard. You just have to take photos and videos of the team during warmups, practices, and stuff like that. If you know how to use Instagram, then you should be great.”

“Well, then, I think I should be good.”

“We’re going to give you a separate phone to use that you can just keep at your desk in the GM’s offices.”

“Perfect, that sounds great.” You and Carrie continue to talk and work out the little details about your new temporary position. You walked back to your desk in the GM’s offices with a smile on your face. You were happy to have this new position. At first, I didn’t recall to you that you’d have to be in contact with the team. When you heard Jamie’s voice echoing through the halls, your blood began to boil. You definitely weren’t looking forward to having to have to work with him.

. . .

The day after you got the word that you were filling in with the Media Department, you started right away. You were told to sit in the practice arena ready to take photos and videos of the team. As the practice was ending, Carrie asked you to head to the locker room and take one-minute interviews with the players. She gave you the list of players: Tyler Seguin, John Klingberg, Esa Lindell, Roope Hintz, and, much to your disappointment, Jamie Oleksiak. You sighed. You really didn’t want to have to talk to him, but you were going to be professional and try not to let him get to you.

You walk towards the locker room and Carrie tells you to wait a moment; the players aren’t ready. After fifteen minutes of small talk, you and Carrie walk into the locker room. The players that you and Carrie were going to interview were sitting on the bench waiting. You glance around the room and Jamie is looking at you with a curious eye.

“This is yn; she’s filling in for a few weeks as media personnel whilst Tristain is out with a family emergency,” Carrie explains. “Be nice to her please.”

Jamie meets your eye again and smirks. You roll your eyes and some of the players notice with confusion.

“Yn, why don’t you start with Tyler and I’ll start with John and we’ll work our way around?” Carrie explains.

You nod. You glance around the room and take note of who you’d be interviewing. You were going to be interviewing Jamie Oleksiak much to your disappointment. You get through the interview with Tyler, but he stops you before you can move on.

“What’s with you and Big Rig?” Tyler asks.

You smile at him trying to hide your disdain for your former friend. “Nothing, I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”

Tyler laughs. “If you say so.”

You move on and interview Roope next. His interview made you giggle like a maniac behind the camera, and you didn’t notice the glares that Jamie gave his teammate and you.

You finish your interview with Roope and get ready to interview Jamie.

“Hi Jamie, ready for your interview?” you ask professionally.

“Yeah, I am,” he says in a tone that you can’t quite decipher but it’s already got your blood boiling. This wasn’t going to be fun.

“So, Jamie, tell me, what’s been the best part of the start of the new season?”

He puts a smirk on his face and you know exactly what he’s thinking - you’re not going to get an answer you like. “Uh, I’ve liked that I’ve been able to rekindle our companionship.”

You roll your eyes. “That’s not what this is, and you have to give me a different answer.”

Jamie’s answer didn’t go unnoticed by his teammates and they were begging, no yearning, to ask more.

“Fine,” Jamie pauses briefly to think of another question. “I would say just being back with the team and skating with everyone again is probably the best part about the start of the new season.”

You nod and glance down at your list of questions. “What do you hope to get out of this new season?”

“Hopefully a Stanley Cup?” he says and quirks his eyebrows in a way that sends warmth to your face but also infuriates you. You nod in a sign of acknowledgment and Jamie can’t pass up the opportunity to get a rise out of you. “Maybe you, too.”

You instantly drop your notepad and glare up at him. What was his problem? Why was he like this? Jamie should know you hate him, so why does he suddenly think that you two were going to fix the hatred that’s been building for years? Your reaction doesn’t go unnoticed by everyone in the room. “Can you please stop? Just so you know, I hate you, so whatever fantasy you’re playing out in your mind? It’s not happening, Jamie. Can you please stop making it harder for me to do my job?”

Jamie smirks. He knows he should stop, but he won’t. “I always liked watching you get frustrated at me.”

“Jamie! Just cut it out!”

“Is everything okay over here?” Carrie says, trying to calm the situation.

“Yeah, we’re fine. Jamie’s just rehashing things from our childhoods.” You explain.

“Wait, you two know each other?” John asks comically.

Jamie nods. “Know is not quite it, but yes.”

“What does that mean?” John asks

“That means that Yn hates me.”

“You hate me too, Jamie; don’t just put this on me. You’ve only ever made my life more difficult throughout every part of it.”

“Yn, why don’t you interview Esa, and I’ll finish with Jamie, that good?” Carrie suggests

“Yes, that works,” you walk over to Esa and breathe out a sigh of relief. Yeah, you knew that this was exactly what was going to happen.

You finished your interview with Esa, and you and Carrie walked out of the locker room to prep the videos to be posted.

“Dude, what did you do to make her so angry at you?” Esa asks. “It seems like your mere presence pisses her off.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure it does,” Jamie admits. “I can’t remember why; all I remember is that one day we started hating each other.”

“I’d hate to be in your shoes,” Tyler tells his teammate. “A pretty girl hates you, and you very obviously like her.”

Jamie pales. He didn’t think it was that obvious to anyone, ever. “What?”

Everyone laughs.

“It’s obvious,” Roope agrees. “You like her. Just the way you looked at her and acted around her. You’ve got it bad.”

“No, I don’t,” Jamie grumbles.

“Dude, you were staring at her the entire time she was interviewing Roope. All the giggling made you jealous, didn’t it?” Esa states.

“I’m not jealous, and I don’t care. There is nothing but hate between us.” Jamie tries to defend himself. It’s useless; Jamie knows for a fact that he was jealous that Roope got to be on the receiving end of your giggles.

“Whatever, this is going to be fun,” John says.

It truly will be.

. . .

When you got home from work that day, you immediately called your best friend, Lisa, to tell her all about your day with Jamie.

“You know?” you being. “He’s just as infuriating as when we were children. He had the audacity to believe that we could possibly be friends. I mean, come on, the antipathy and rancor between us can be felt for miles and miles. He drives me crazy so much.”

Lisa was glad that you weren’t doing a video call because the smile on her face was wide. Deep down, she knows that there are other feelings besides this hate between you and Jamie; she just wasn’t sure if it would ever come out. “Maybe he wants to be nice again.”

“No, that’s not what this is. If he wanted to be nice and try to be friends again, then he wouldn’t have done exactly what he knew would drive me insane. It’s probably like caffeine to him; driving me insane is the coffee that wakes him up in the morning. You know, now, probably, he wakes up and hatches a plan to try to drive me insane.”

Lisa laughs. “Aren’t you taking this a bit far?”

“Absolutely not, I think I’m acting appropriately. You didn’t see his smirk; I wanted to punch him in the face so badly. Obviously, it wouldn’t have done anything to hurt him as he’s huge now.”

“Oh? Down there too?”

Your face warms suddenly, and you’re glad Lisa can’t see your face. “That’s not what I meant. He’s giant and super muscular. I guess you could assume that he’s packing quite a bit.”

“You know, yn, maybe this is just pent-up sexual tension and frustration. Maybe you just need to get laid and get laid by someone in particular.”

“You’re telling me that when we were seven when Jamie broke my ankle, that was pent-up sexual frustration?”

Lisa laughs. “Okay, maybe not your entire relationship was pent-up sexual tension. Maybe just now and parts of high school? You have to admit, Jamie is quite hot, now, right? Maybe the past few years of hate has led to the dire need to just sleep with each other.”

“Thank you for your take, but these past few days is the first time I’ve spoken to Jamie in almost five years. I just don’t know what to do.”

“Just talk to him. Maybe tell him that you want this to be as professional as possible and try to move past the hate. Yn, before you argue, just think of what working for the Dallas Stars could do to your career. That’s a high-profile job. Maybe if you try to be professional and polite, then maybe he will too?”

You wanted to contradict everything Lisa said, but you knew she was right. For your job to go smoothly, it was important for you to keep a professional attitude and any hate you have for Jamie on the backburner. “You’re right; however, I’m not promising that it’s going to work. I’ll try my best to be professional, but if he starts to aggravate me, I’m not sure if I can keep up that facade.”

“That’s why you talk to him. Maybe set up a time to meet up or something and just discuss what you have to say.”

“That would require me to unblock him on literally everything, even Facebook.”

“Does he still even have that?”

“He does; it’s not even his real name. It’s an alias. He only made it to try to talk to me and bother me. I doubt he uses it and it may be deactivated now.”

“This is besides the point. Yn, Jamie is obviously not going to try to be professional with you, so it’s up to you to make that clear.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

The only lingering thought you had was whether or not this would work. Surely, Jamie could be a decent human being to you, right?

. . .

The next day, you went and sat in the practice arena ready to take the photos that your job required you to take. Today, you decided was going to be the day that you had that all too important conversation with Jamie. You really didn’t want to have that conversation, but you knew that it was important in having a not chaotic working environment for everyone, not just you and Jamie.

When practice was over, you waited outside the locker room for Jamie. He walked out on his own and smirked when he saw you waiting. He didn’t know for sure you were waiting for him; however, when he saw that your phone was off, he assumed you weren’t there for work.

“Hey, ynn,” Jamie says to you and your blood instantly begins to boil. Jamie knew that you never gave him the jurisdiction to call you that, yet he still used it. You wanted to call him out on it but thought better of it. You were here to try to be professional and rehashing this would contradict your objective.

“Hey, Jamie, can we talk? It’s about something important.”

Jamie’s smirk instantly left his face and worry washed over his face. You didn’t know that Jamie could be sympathetic towards anything you said. “Yeah, is everything okay?”

His response shocked you and it took you a moment to regroup. “Oh, yeah. I just want to talk about our relationship, well, lack thereof of one. I think that when we’re here at work, we should be professional. We should put any hate that we have for each other on the side while here so that we can have a better working environment.”

Jamie laughs. “This is what you wanted to talk about? This couldn’t have been a text? You had me so worried, yn.”

“It’s important to me, Jamie,” you protest. You didn’t want to get angry at him, so you calmed yourself down. “I think it’s better for both of us if we can just keep our history and past behind us while we are doing anything to do with the Dallas Stars.”

“If I were to take you out on a date, then we could hate each other as normal?”

“What?” you falter.

“You heard me, yn. You never had a hard time hearing what I had to say.”

“No, absolutely not. You will not be taking me out on a date, ever.”

“Come on, really?”

“Jamie, this is beside the point. I’m trying to move on from our pasts and you aren’t really making this any easier. Isn’t this what you said the other day? You were hoping for a rekindling? Well, this is the first part. Trying to put behind us any hate.” You were raising your voice now. “I’m trying to make my job easier, but you’re making it incredibly difficult. Jamie, all I want is to come to work and not have to worry about whether or not an outburst I make at you will cost me my job.”

Jamie doesn’t have anything to say. “Yn.”

“No, don’t do that. You know, the reason we hate each other is your fault, so you should be the one fixing things, not me.”

“What?”

“You tripped me purposefully when we were three and laughed at me.”

“Wait, this is what this is about?”

“No, that’s the first time you treated me terribly. It was the start of you belittling me and making me feel terrible. I hated going to school because I was always worried about you and your stupid antics.” Tears are forming at the corners of your eyes, and you try to will them away.

Jamie feels terrible now. “I’m sorry, ynn. I didn’t know.”

“Firstly, don’t call me ynn; you don’t get to do that. Secondly, seriously? You’re telling me that you didn’t know you were being a total ass to me? No, I don’t believe that because I know for a fact that your mother talked to you. Do you want to know how I know that? Because she apologized to me time and time again for what you did to me. Don’t you dare say that you had no idea.”

Jamie looks down at you and extends his left leg so it’s jutting out. “You’re right. I was a total ass.”

“Only took you twenty-plus years to finally admit that.”

“Come on, ynn,” Jamie says and you glare at him. “Yn, I’m trying here, and you’re not making it any easier.”

“Oh my goodness, Jamie. Literally, that’s what I’ve been trying to do! You not willing to accept my proposition is the whole reason we’re rehashing this stuff.”

“Yn, I’m sorry. What can I do?”

You look at him and are shocked to see that he has remorse in his eyes. “Nothing, just let me be.” You take a step to the right and begin to walk away. Unfortunately, because Jamie extended his leg, you tripped over it and went crashing to the floor hurting your ankle in the process. You screamed out in pain; you always had weak ankles after breaking them in elementary school. Your cry out in pain brought some people out of the locker room.

Jamie’s eyes go wide in fear. “Yn! Are you okay?”

“Does it look like I’m okay? Jamie, did you really have to trip me?”

“Really? I didn’t mean to! My leg was just there, and you tripped.”

“It doesn’t matter; let me just get up.” You put your hands flat on the ground to help yourself up. The minute your leg is stable enough to be stood up on, you get up but fall immediately. You cry out in pain again.

“You might have sprained your ankle,” Roope says. He was one of the people who rushed out of the locker room when you first fell.

“No, I don’t think so. I just have very weak ankles after Jamie broke, I mean, I broke my ankles in elementary school.” Your correction of Jamie breaking your ankles does not go unnoticed by him. He wants to ask why but feels it’s not the right moment.

“Here, let me help you,” Jamie reaches for your arms and you move them away. “Really, yn? Just let me help you.”

Jamie and Roope help you up and put you on the bench in the locker room, and Roope goes to find a trainer to check on your ankle.

“I’m sorry, yn, really,” Jamie says with a soft voice. You begin to put your foot on the ground but Jamie stops you gently. “Put it on the bench. It’s important to keep it elevated.”

“It’s cold, though,” you pout.

Jamie laughs. “Here, put it on my lap then, okay?”

You look at Jamie hesitantly.

“This isn’t a trick, yn. I think I’ve hurt you enough over the years. Just put your leg on my lap.”

You do as he says and Jamie rests his hands on top of your ankle. Your face grows warm at the touch and you suddenly don’t hate Jamie. “So, you’re finally admitting that you made me miserable?”

“I don’t think I made you miserable,” Jamie says and you scoff. “Wait, let me finish. I think I didn’t make your life any easier. I’m not relenting any more than that, babe.”

You flinch at the pet name, but your face grows warm. Do you address it?

Jamie makes the decision for you. “Yn, I have a question for you.”

You nod, signaling him to continue.

“You were saying something about how you have weak ankles and then said something about me. This isn’t me trying to be self-centered or whatever. I just genuinely want to know. I don’t remember what happened.”

“Well, we were in elementary school and you once, I’m pretty sure it was accidental, put your hand out and it hit me while I was walking down the stairs and I fell. I landed weirdly on my ankle and broke it.”

“So you blame me?”

“Yes, absolutely. Do you blame me? You had a way of hurting me and making it seem like an accident.”

Jamie laughs and you giggle along; he’s about to comment when a trainer walks in.

“Let’s see what’s the matter here,” he says. You are suddenly extremely aware that your leg is sitting on Jamie’s lap and his hands are on your lap. The trainer examines your ankle. “It’s nothing too terrible; just a small sprain. I think if you keep it elevated as much as possible then it should be healed in a few days. Can you try walking on it?”

You nod and put your foot on the ground gently. Jamie puts his hands on your waist as you try to stand, and your skin is burning beneath his touch. “I think I’m good to get back to work.”

“You sure?” Jamie asks, concerned.

You nod. “Yeah, I think so,” you walk away from Jamie’s embrace. “Yeah, I’m good.”

“Just ice it and keep it elevated once you get home tonight,” the trainer tells you. You nod and walk out of the locker room.

“What did you do to her?” Roope asks Jamie.

“Too much damage to ever fix,” Jamie says with a sigh. There was no way that your relationship with Jamie would ever go past professional acquaintances after what you revealed to him today. If Jamie knew one thing about you it was that you were strong and steadfast with your opinions and rarely changed them, especially when it came to people. Jamie doubted that he’d be an exception considering all of the past history there.

. . .

The days that followed your fall, you avoided Jamie as much as possible. You could proudly say that you didn’t hate him anymore. That’s not true. You still hated Jamie; however, when you heard his name, you didn’t immediately roll your eyes and get angry. Sometimes, you’d smile and other times you’d have no reaction. This shocked everyone because they all knew about the hatred you had for the Dallas Stars hockey player.

Shortly after, you were taken off of the media job and went back to your marketing job. The night of the home opener, however, Carrie comes up to your office with a request. “Tristain can be back at work but not for games at the moment. Do you think that you could fill in tonight? We had her on the schedule and no one else can be there.”

You hesitate; the only thing holding you back was the fact that you’d be seeing Jamie again.

“Sure, of course!”

You sort out the details with Carrie and are set to be available as part of the media team tonight for the home opener.

Later that day, you’re standing outside of the locker room filming the boys get ready for warmups. Once the video was taken and posted, you put the phone in your pocket and begin to head to the place you were supposed to be. However, someone grabs onto your arm gently and stops you.

“How’s your ankle?” Jamie asks softly.

This should infuriate you; however, his concern has you touched. You don’t show it though. “Better. I think I’d be better, though, if I didn’t have to worry about my ankles but oh well.”

Jamie shakes his head; he wasn’t sure why he was expecting anything else from you.

“I have to go, good luck tonight, Jamie,” you tell him and walk away. You’ll admit, your comment was quite snarky and unneeded. You feel bad for what you said, and Jamie was only trying to be nice. You had to keep up familiarities, right? You hated Jamie Oleksiak for the majority of your life, so why did you suddenly feel bad for what you said to him?

. . .

“Are you coming out with us tonight, Yn?” Denis asks. The team won and wanted to go out and celebrate.

You shake your head. “No, thanks for the invite though.”

“Oh, come on, why not, Ynn?” Jamie asks. Why was he asking you that? Did he not remember that the two of you have hated each other since birth? “Don’t not go because of me.”

“Funny. You think that I care about what you do or think. I just have a few things I have to do.” you lied; you weren’t going to admit that Jamie was the reason you weren’t going out.

Jamie smirks. “Fine, if you say so, but I will continue to think in my head that the reason you’re not coming out with us is because of me and the animosity we have for each other.”

“Well, look at you. Did you finally begin to remember the vocabulary we learned in high school?”

Jamie’s face turns red. Yes, he asked his sister to send photos of his old stuff from high school to try to impress you. He wasn’t going to admit it, however. Ever since that heart to heart in the locker room, Jamie wanted nothing more than to impress you. You went back to bantering and driving each other crazy; however, this was a lighter teasing and driving each other crazy. Some would even call it flirting. Would Jamie say he was flirting with you? Yes, absolutely. Would Jamie say you were flirting back with him? No, absolutely not. You hated him, so Jamie knew that whatever he thought you felt was obviously in his head.

“No,” he grumbles and some of his teammates laugh at him. The one thing that was sticking out to Jamie was that you didn’t correct him when he called you by your nickname. You went along with it. Was there some progress being made? “Enjoy whatever you have to do tonight, yn.”

You smile at him softly that has Jamie’s heart beating fast and walk away.

“Dude, you’re in deep with her,” someone says as they clap Jamie on the back. He didn’t have the energy to determine who was talking to him or contradict what they were saying. They were right; Jamie was in deep and he had no idea what to do about it.

After taking the video you needed for the Stars Instagram of the boys playing soccer at the next home game, you wave goodbye and head to the media offices; you once again had to fill in for the media team. You take five steps and hear a loud “ow!” from the one voice you despised. You turn around to see Jamie rubbing his head and staring down at his teammates. You can’t help but smile.

“Stop staring at her, you idiot,” Roope calls out and this gets a laugh out of all the boys. “Just ask her out instead of staring,” someone else yells. A deep red blush overtakes Jamie’s face and you can’t help but smile. You walk away with a giant smile on your face. You immediately shake it off. Why was Jamie getting flustered making you smile? You hated Oleksiak, right?

. . .

When you got home from work after a long day, all you wanted to do was curl up in a ball and sleep. You had a minor sinus infection and the day was exhausting. You had a massive headache and felt nauseous all day. There was nothing more you wanted to do was take a hot shower, curl up in warm clothing, and call it a night. You weren’t expecting to come home and see a DoorDash bag sitting outside your door. You knew for a fact that you didn’t order anything. You picked up the bag and noticed there was a note attached.

Yn,

I heard that you were feeling sick, so I bought you some soup.

Enjoy,

Jamie

Jamie bought you soup? Jamie was asking about you? Where did this come from? Why would Jamie extend any kindness towards you? Isn’t he supposed to hate you? Isn’t Jamie supposed to be making your life miserable? You’ll admit, after the incident where you sprained your ankle slightly, you and Jamie have been cordial. Whenever you both talked to each other, mean words were being passed around. However, it was more of a teasing and flirting meanness. Does this mean that you and Jamie were friends now? No, right?

You walk into your apartment and open the bag - it was Italian Wedding Soup, your favorite. Your heart warmed at the fact that Jamie remembered your favorite soup. Growing up, your grandmother always made this for you when you were sick. Sometimes, she’d bring some over to the Oleksiak house if anyone was sick there, too. You grabbed a bowl and ladle and put some soup in a bowl. The minute you took the first bite, you sighed in content. It wasn’t quite like home, but it was close. You started to immediately feel better. How did Jamie know this was exactly what you needed? You wanted to text him to thank him; however, you didn’t have his phone number and didn’t feel comfortable sending him a text through Instagram quite yet. You opted to write him and note and were going to leave it in his stall the next morning.

You finished the soup and began to feel better. You were happy and thankful for the soup, but you had one lingering thought. Why would Jamie do something like this for you?

The next morning, when Jamie got to his stall, he noticed that there was a gift bag sitting on the bench. He looked around to see if maybe one of his teammates left it there. It wasn't his birthday and there was no big milestone coming up. What was the message behind it, then?

“It was here when I got here,” John tells Jamie.

“He wanted to open it, but we told him that it wouldn’t be nice,” Roope says.

“I didn’t want to open it; I wanted to see who it was from. There’s a difference.”

“Whatever, Jamie, just open it.”

Jamie grabs the bag and looks for a card or maybe a note. He removes a piece of tissue paper and sees a note. He smiles as he sees your familiar handwriting that always got Jamie’s heart racing back in high school.

Jamie,

Thank you so much for the soup last night. How did you know it was my favorite? I didn’t have your phone number, so I am leaving this for you. Enjoy a small treat from home! Again, thank you.

Yn

Jamie smiles and peers into the bag. Inside, Jamie finds a bag of snacks that are endemic to the Toronto area. Only, you would know what his favorites were. “It’s from Yn,” Jamie tells his curious teammates.

This gets a few raised eyebrows and snickers from the people that were currently in the locker room.

“Why did she leave you a gift?” Roope asks.

“I bought her some soup and had it delivered to her house yesterday because I heard she was sick. This is her thank you.” Jamie blushes with these words and can’t meet anyone’s eye.

“You got her soup?” John asks curiously. What did this mean? “Are you trying to date her?”

Jamie pales. “What? No. She just wasn’t feeling well, so I tried to make her feel better.”

John smirks. “How did you know exactly what she would want?”

Jamie, not realizing that his teammates were setting him up, answered obliviously. “It was always her favorite growing up.”

“And how do you know this?”

“Because I loved her, still do.”

This was not the answer that everyone was expecting. “What?” someone asks.

“What?” Jamie looks up from the note to see everyone staring at him.

“You love Yn? The girl who hates you? The girl who you treated like absolute shit your entire life?” Roope confirms.

“I, yeah, I loved her. In middle school and elementary school, I just messed with her because she was a girl and, you know when you have a crush on a girl that young, you tease her.”

“No, you don’t,” Miro says.

Jamie glares at his teammate. “Whatever, not the point. I thought I was being obvious, and then in high school, I realized I was in love with her.”

“You wanted to treat her right, but you knew she’d find it suspicious.”

“I forgot about my feelings when she went to college and my career picked up, but when I saw her that first time I, just,” Jamie stops talking because he isn’t sure how to continue.

“Realized your feelings.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

“Maybe just talk to her? Tell her how you feel?” John suggests.

“That probably won’t work. How do I tell her that I’ve been in love with her since we were three and I treated her terribly because I was scared of my feelings? Oh, and I ruined any possibility of her dating anyone in high school because I was a jealous idiot who couldn’t figure anything out.”

Jamie’s words get a few pitiful glances, “that sucks”, and pats on the shoulder. No one knows what to say or do. Jamie was in love with the one person who might never love him back.

. . .

Walking into the ballroom, you were trying to find your boss so that you could tell her that you were here. Tonight was the annual Casino Night and you were working behind the scenes to make sure the night went smoothly. This was the first time you were attending because last year, the marketing team didn’t need you to work it, and you also caught a cold right before.

“Oh, hey, yn’s here,” Carrie calls out and crosses your name off the list. “Perfect, you’re going to be sitting at the table in the front welcoming guests and stuff. You are going to ask for their name, ID, and ticket. Once you do that, you’ll tell them their table number and give them a gift bag. A few of the players will be serving as ushers tonight, so they’ll bring the guests to their tables.”

You nod. You want to ask who the players are, but you don’t want to sound eager.

“The organization assigned Roope Hintz, Denis Gurianov, and Jason Dickinson as ushers. They also put Jamie Oleksiak. I know the two of you have some hardcore animosity between you two, so if you don’t want him there, then we can get someone else.”

“Oh, don’t worry, we’ll be okay,” you tell Carrie. For the first time in your life, you were serious. Things between you and Jamie were cordial and professional. You still hated him like crazy but significantly less than when you were growing up. You weren’t even sure that you and Jamie would be at this point, but here you two both were.”

“Okay, great, why don’t I bring you to your station and show you how the software works,” Carrie says and leads you to the entrance of the ballroom. The next ten minutes pass, and you think you’ve got the software and system figured out pretty well that you should be okay. Carrie told you to organize the table in any way that’s fitting to your needs, so you begin to reorganize based on how you think you’ll be able to work more efficiently.

Walking to the front entrance from the back entrance are the ushers. Leading the pack is Jamie and Roope. They were walking and talking casually when Jamie suddenly stopped in his tracks.

“Keep walking,” Jason says and smacks Jamie over the head.

“What are you staring at - oh,” Roope follows Jamie’s eye line and spots you organizing the table.

“She’s so beautiful,” Jamie says with heart eyes. You were wearing a dark green dress that fell just above your knees and matching green stilettos. Your hair was done in the way that you knew looked best. Jamie recognized it as the same way you did your hair for Senior Prom and graduation.

“You know, maybe tonight you should tell her?” Denis suggests.

“I don’t think so,” Jamie says with reluctance. “I know she doesn’t feel the same.”

“Then try not to stare or gape too much, then.”

Jamie nods. “We should head to where we need to be, right?”

The four boys continue walking to where you were. “Hey, yn,” Roope greets you.

You look up and smile. “Hi, well, you guys clean up nicely.”

“As do you,” Jamie tells you, and the heat rushes to your face. So, Jamie was complimenting you now.

“Um, so, I’ll be greeting guests and taking their ticket information,” you explain. “Your job, which you've probably been briefed on, is to escort them to their table numbers.”

“‘Briefed on’?” Jason begins. “Are we in some kind of spy or FBI movie?”

“Very funny,” you say sarcastically. “Not the point, but that’s it basically. I think Ryan from marketing will be here to help me with the tickets. Carrie told me that two of you will be on my side of the table and two on Ryan’s side.”

Ryan suddenly appears and greets you with a hug. “You look nice, yn.”

“Thanks, Ryan, you clean up well, too,” you say back to him. You don’t catch the glare that Jamie was giving to Ryan. “I was just explaining what we’re going to be doing tonight to the boys. Two will be working with you and two with me.”

“Perfect, thanks for briefing them; you four can talk amongst yourselves as to who you’re going to be working with. I don’t care either way.”

“See?” you look pointedly at Jason. “Ryan used ‘brief’, too. Oh, I also don’t care. Actually, I’m going to head to the washroom quickly before people start to arrive.”

You get up and walk away, but you don’t notice Jamie watching you leave. He was incredibly captivated with you and wants nothing more than to sweep you up and kiss you. He wants to profess his love to you and love you forever. Sadly, you would never feel the same way as a result of how he treated you growing up. Jamie is drawn out of his thoughts by Jason smacking his arm.

“Dude, you have to stop staring,” Jason says.

“Oh, you like her?” Ryan asks. “She’s quite a catch.”

“Oh, no, I don’t,” Jamie denies. He gets stares from his teammates. Jamie isn’t sure why he denied having feelings for you. You weren’t even here to hear them anyways.

“Good, I like her, and I think I’m going to ask her out. I wasn’t going to say anything if you liked her, but since you don’t, I should be okay to do so.”

Jamie nods but locks his jaw. “Excuse me, I have to go to the washroom, too.” Jamie walks to the bathroom angrily. Of course, Ryan likes you, who wouldn’t? Why couldn’t Jamie just tell Ryan he likes you? That way, Ryan won’t be asking you out. Too entranced in his thoughts, he runs right into you, again.

“Oof, wow, hi Jamie,” you say to him giggly after regaining your composure. “I should stop doing this, you know, running into you. Are you okay?”

“Um, yeah, why?”

“You look really angry and pissed off.”

“Oh, well, I’m not, so, don’t worry,” Jamie says in a voice that doesn’t express what he just said.

You laugh softly.

“What?” Jamie asks.

“You say you’re not angry, but your tone says anything but,” you explain with an amused smile. You look up to meet Jamie’s eyes, and you see the fury going on in his head. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, don’t worry about it,” Jamie brushes you off and walks away toward the washroom.

You want to yell after him, but you don’t feel it’s your place to do so.

“Oh good, you’re back,” Ryan says to you. “Jamie and Jason are going to be your ushers and Roope and Denis will be mine.”

You nod and sit down. So, Jamie was going to be closer to you than you thought. “Perfect.”

When Jamie gets back from the washroom and sees you talking to Ryan in a much too friendly manner for his liking, Jamie sulks again. This was going to be a long night.

Somehow, despite his anger and frustration, Jamie was able to put that all aside as he was working as an usher for the Casino Night. Just being near you and around you was enough to calm him down. Watching you interact with the guests made Jamie’s heart warm. He always knew that you were incredibly caring to everyone you met; he just didn’t know that your actions would make him melt and fall more in love with you. After about an hour and a half of welcoming guests, Carrie walks over and says that one group can go and get something to eat. She walks away and the six of you talk amongst yourselves as to who should go. The decision is made for you when two guests walk up to you and begin pulling out their IDs. Out of the corner of your eye, you watch Ryan, Roope, and Denis head into the ballroom to have dinner. After welcoming them in, Denis ushers the guests to their table. You take a breath of releasing exhaustion and Jamie smiles at you.

“Tired?” he asks.

“Yeah, it’s a lot of people to talk to; when I took this job, I thought it would just be marketing, not the rest of this, too,” you tell him. “It’s a very versatile job.”

“Well, if it weren’t versatile, then we wouldn’t have ever come into contact with each other, right?”

“Yeah, I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing yet.”

Jamie looks you in the eye. “Well, I think it’s a good thing. A very good thing.”

You raise your eyebrows at him. “Oh yeah?” you say to Jamie, and he nods. “I’ll take that into consideration as I make my decision.”

Jamie chuckles deeply, and you feel the shivers go up your spine.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” you ask Jamie.

“Sure,” he tells you.

“Why were you, actually never mind,” you stop asking, seeing Denis walking back to the table.

Jamie was about to question why, but he sees Denis and another guest approaching. He takes this as the reason that you stopped talking. You put on a bright smile and begin talking to the guests and welcoming them. Jamie ushers them into the ballroom after you talk and gives you a wink. You feel the warmth reach your face; you see Denis shaking his head and you question him.

“Just give him a chance,” he replies to you.

“What?” you ask confused.

“I’m serious, just give him a chance.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You will, just give him a chance when you realize you know what I’m talking about.”

You nod. What in the world could he be talking about?

Three hours after the event starts, Carrie comes over to the six of you and tells her that you were all relieved of your duties and were free to enjoy the event. You weren’t sure what to do now.

“Where are you headed?” Jamie asks.

“I’m not sure, you?”

“What do you mean you’re not sure?”

“I’ve never been to one of these before, and most of my friends are working or have their own dates. I don’t have a table to sit at and don’t want to intrude.”

Jamie nods. He extends his arm for you, and you look at him skeptically.

“What?” you ask.

“Dance with me,” he tells you.

You want to tell him he’s crazy and that there was no way in hell that you were going to dance with him. However, you wanted to. You wanted to dance with Jamie, so you loop your arm through his and he leads you into the ballroom. The two of you find a spot on the dance floor and maneuver yourselves into a dancing position. Jamie rests his two hands on your waist and you reach up to wrap your arms around his neck. You giggle softly; your hands don’t reach because Jamie is too tall.

“What?” he asks.

“You’re too tall; I can’t get my arms to go around your neck,” you tell him.

“Oh,” Jamie says. His eyes suddenly light up. He removes one of his hands from your waist and takes your hand. “Now, you put one of your hands on my back. This work?”

You do as he says and nods. “Yeah, and now we dance!”

“That we do.”

You and Jamie begin swaying with the music. You remember that you had a question you wanted to ask Jamie, so you decide to prompt him with it now. “Hey, Jamie?”

“Yes, ynn?”

“Why were you so upset earlier?” you ask.

Jamie suddenly stiffens, and you begin tracing patterns on his back with your hand to try to calm him down. “No reason.”

“So, you mean to tell me that you just get angry for no apparent reason?”

“No, I did get angry for a certain reason.”

“Care to share? A penny for your thoughts?”

What about a kiss for my thoughts. “It’s stupid. Ryan just said something I didn’t like, so I got angry.”

“Oh, okay.”

Jamie smiles at you, and you both continue to dance to the song. When the song ends, you begin to release your grasp of Jamie, but he doesn’t do the same.

“Jamie, the song's over.”

“I know, one more?” he asks. You want to say yes, but you aren’t sure why you don’t want to. You aren’t sure what this shift in your relationship is, but you need some time to figure it out on your own.

“I’m sorry, my feet hurt, I think I’m going to head to the back with staff and just rest, okay?” you pivot.

Jamie nods and releases his hold on you. “I probably have to do some sucking up to the donors and stuff.”

“Oh yeah, probably,” you tease. “See you later?”

“Absolutely, yes,” Jamie says to you, and the two of you go your separate ways. You head to the back to find Carrie, and Jamie heads to his teammates.

“So, did you finally tell her?” Denis asks excitedly.

“No,” Jamie says glumly.

The team gathered at this certain location all shook their heads in annoyance. When will the two of you finally realize these things?

You’re sitting in the back kitchen with a piece of chocolate cake as the event wraps up. Carrie told you that you could just sit in the back if you didn’t want to go out. Yeah, that’s what you did. You didn’t want to see Jamie again because you didn’t know what the shift in your guys’ relationship was. You needed to talk to Lisa as soon as you could before you saw Jamie again. Sadly, the universe didn’t care that much about what you felt.

“Is this the pity party?” Jamie asks as he sits across from you. He grabs the fork in your hand and takes a bite out of your cake.

“Hey!” you jokingly scold. “And no, this isn’t a pity party. I just don’t have anywhere else to go.”

“You could have come and found me, you know.”

You open your mouth to say something but close it right away.

“What?” Jamie asks with his mouth full of cake.

“Stop eating my cake,” you tell him and take your fork out of his hand. “Should you really be eating this anyway?”

“It’s cake.”

“Yeah, and you’re a professional athlete.”

“I don’t follow.”

You sigh. “Aren’t you supposed to be eating only healthy things?”

“I guess, yeah.”

“But you’re eating cake.”

“Oh, now I get what you're saying,” Jamie says to you. “Just don’t tell the nutrition staff.”

“Then maybe you should wipe that chocolate icing off your face,” you joke.

“Oops, my bad,” Jamie begins wiping the icing off his face but misses.

“Here, let me,” you say and scoot your chair closer to him. You use your thumb and wipe the icing off your face. “Better.”

“Thank you,” Jamie says to you, and his face gets closer to yours so close that your foreheads are touching. “Yn, can I tell you something?”

“Of course,” you say to him, realizing how close your face is to his.

“You know how you asked me earlier today about why I was mad?” Jamie asks, and you nod. “Well, I wasn’t entirely telling you the truth. Yes, Ryan said something I didn’t like. When you walked to the washroom, I was staring at you because you were so beautiful. One of the guys told me to stop staring at you, and Ryan asked if I liked you. I don’t know why, but I told him no even though I’m so in love with you. Ryan then said that he was going to ask you out, and I got mad. I got mad because I want to be the one to love you, and I think Ryan might be the one to get that first.”

You pull back slightly, shocked. “What?”

“I’m in love with you; I always was.”

There’s no way you feel the same way. Where did that come from? “What? No, Jamie. You don’t know what you’re talking about. You’ve treated me like shit our entire life. There is no way you’re in love with me. No, you’re not. I’m sorry, I have to go.” You get up abruptly and walk out of the kitchen.

You walk to go find Carrie, so you could tell her you were going to head home. You were going to tell her you feel sick, which you do. You find Carrie and tell her you’re going to head home. She says it’s fine, and you head to the exit.

“Yn, wait, don’t leave because of me,” Jamie says to you as you’re about to leave. Somehow, he found you and was following you.

“No, Jamie, if you didn’t want me to leave, you shouldn’t have said those things to me. Why? Do you hate me that much that you want to mess with me so badly?”

“What? No, of course not. I don’t hate you, yn!”

“That’s rich; I’m leaving. Goodnight, Jamie.”

You don’t see the fallen look on Jamie’s face as you walk away, but his teammates do. Jamie goes back to his table but doesn’t say anything. Why did he think you’d ever feel the same way? Because he was nice for a few months? No, he should have known better. This was his fault, and he had to live what he did.

You held in your tears until you got to your car. The minute your door closed, you broke down. How dare he do this to you? How dare Jamie say something like that to mess with you? What was his problem? Why would he do that?

You and Jamie both went home miserable that night. Jamie went home heartbroken, and you went home angry and annoyed. What happens next?

. . .

You called in sick the Monday after Casino Night. You weren’t ready to face Jamie even though you knew that you’d probably not see him. You weren’t sure what to think. Jamie was always someone that you knew would be in your life. However, you always thought he’d be there as your lifelong enemy who you happened to still be in semi-contact with because your parents were friends. As of late, though, you’ve been seeing Jamie as a friend. You weren’t going to lie, you found Jamie ridiculously attractive, and ever since the accident you had where you and Jamie finally talked, you began to see him in a different light. Instead of your first thought being how much you hated him, you thought about the good things he had to himself. You saw how friendly he was to everyone, and he always asked how you were. He had a selflessness to himself that you were starting to love about him.

“Why are you telling me all this, yn?” Lisa asks you exasperated. “I always thought that the two of you were perfect for each other, even in high school. Don’t lie, you thought about it, too.”

You pause for a moment carefully thinking about what you were going to say. “I guess you’re right. I did have a small crush on him in high school because, for almost six months, he was mostly nice to me.”

“And what about now?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you want to know what I think?”

“Yes, please, Lisa.”

“I think you’re in love with him, too. I think you always have been; I think he’s one of those people that is always going to be in your life whether or not you like it. At first, everyone thought you two were going to be the best of friends and take over the world. That all changed when he tripped you and the rest is history, but I think it’s different now. This time around, you both are mature adults who, I think, subconsciously realized that the way they dealt with the crushes they had on each other was by absolutely hating each other. You both didn’t know what to do, so you’re coping mechanism? Hate each other senselessly because you didn’t know what else. Now, Jamie realized how he feels and wants that with you. He said it first, right? Maybe he wants to show you he’s changed and truly loves you now.”

“I guess you’re kind of right,” you tell Lisa. “I just, I don’t know how I feel.”

“Do you find him attractive?”

“Yes, of course, he’s gorgeous.”

“Did you always think that?”

“Yes, because he’s always been gorgeous.”

“Was one of the reasons you hated him because he was so gorgeous?”

“Yeah, I’m not sure where you’re going with this, Lisa,” you tell your best friend skeptically.

“My point is that if you truly hated him, you wouldn’t have called him gorgeous so quickly. I think you would have just denied finding him attractive and that’s that. Now that you know what nice and kind Jamie is like, I think you want more. You want to have more with him because you’ve seen what a great person Jamie is. Because you’ve seen the goodness, you want more and all of it. Can you say that you currently hate Jamie Oleksiak with your entire being?”

“No, I cannot say that I hate Jamie Oleksiak with my entire being.”

“Your first reaction to him telling you how he feels was not to punch him or to hurt him, was it?”

“No, I guess it wasn’t,” you say calmly.

“What was it then, yn?”

“In my head, and I don’t know why I said it, but it was ‘there’s no way you feel the same way', and I was surprised those words even formed in my head.”

“Don’t you see, yn? You feel the same way! You just didn’t know it! Your head and heart have been trying to tell you how you feel by spreading warmth to your face, making you feel shy, or just wanting to be around him. Yn, you’re in love with Jamie Oleksiak.”

“Holy shit, I’m in love with Jamie Oleksiak.”

“You’re in love with Jamie Oleksiak, yn.”

“Oh dear goodness, what do I do now, Lisa?”

“Apologize and tell him.”

You take a deep breath. “Yeah, I can do that, right?”

“If you want to be with him, then yeah.”

“Okay, I can do that, it shouldn’t be too hard, right? What could possibly go wrong?”

. . .

Believe it or not, a lot. The next day, you were set to go back to work, but you woke up with a massive migraine, an aching cough, and a debilitating stomach ache. You couldn’t go to work feeling like this, so you called in sick for real this time. You finally had the courage to go see a doctor, and they told you it was just a bug. They gave you some antibiotics, and you were back to work in three days.

On the Saturday after Casino Night, Carrie asked if you could fill in for the media team, and you agreed enthusiastically. Maybe you’d finally be able to see Jamie and talk to him?

Unfortunately, that was not the case. You weren’t outright trying to talk to Jamie or get his attention, but you weren’t not doing that. You tried to act normal, but Jamie wouldn’t even acknowledge you. You were able to catch him alone after the game, but when you called out to him, he didn’t respond. You went home that night crying thinking you ruined something great without knowing you had something great at the tip of your fingers.

The following Monday, you were sitting in the GM’s offices when Jamie walked in looking for one of the team managers. You were the one of two sitting in the room, and Jamie walked to the other person who was on the far side of the room to ask if the manager was there. You’ll admit, that hurt.

You saw Jamie a few days later on your way to the locker room to give some paperwork to the coaching staff. You were about to turn the corner when your foot got stuck in a loose floorboard, and you went tumbling to the ground.

“Are you okay?” someone asks you as you try to get up.

“I mean, considering I just fell to the ground, no, but thanks for asking,” you answer and lookup. “Jamie.”

“Yn,” he replies back to you. “I’m going to go.”

“Jamie, wait, please.”

“What, yn? Are you going to reject me again because I don’t want to have that conversation with you, then.”

“When we both aren’t at work and in a public place, can we please talk?”

“Why should I agree to that, yn? Because, for your information, you’re breaking my heart. I can’t do this if you’re just going to make me feel terrible.”

You falter slightly when Jamie tells you that you’re breaking his heart. “I’m really sorry, can we just please pick a time and place to talk?”

“Sure, right here, right now.”

“Jamie, that’s not what I --”

“No, if you want to talk, then right here. I don’t want to have this conversation later if you’re going to reject me again.”

You’re getting kind of sick and tired of Jamie insisting that you’re going to reject him again because you’re not. “Jamie! I’m not going to reject you again! Do you think I’m some kind of heartless monster who loves to see you suffer? Guess what, I don’t! I hate that my words made you hurt and put you in a terrible mood. I apologize for that. You know you got to speak your mind, isn’t it time for me to be able to speak mine?”

Jamie is about to say something, but you stop him.

“No, I’m not going to break your heart, I promise. Just listen, okay?”

Jamie nods and takes one step towards you.

“Casino Night? You caught me off guard. My entire life, I hated you and that was all I knew. Wake up? Hate Jamie. Go to bed? Hate Jamie. You have to admit, though, you didn’t make it hard, but that’s beside the point. When I literally ran into you all those months ago, I picked up where we left off because that was all I knew. Then, come to find out, I didn’t like that. When I tripped over your foot and we talked? That was the shift inside of me. I didn’t know what I was feeling. The next few things I’m going to say I didn’t makeup on my own, Lisa helped me with it. She told me that I got to experience nice and kind Jamie, and I loved it. I did, I loved being on the receiving end of it. She was saying how I wanted more, all of the love and kindness you have to offer. She’s not wrong. I want everything you have to offer because I’m in love with you.”

“What?”

“Casino Night? I didn’t know what I was feeling. If you gave me a bit more time, on my own, then I think I would have realized it soon. I’m not sure if you know this, but in sophomore year of high school, I had a crush on you because, for once, you were quite nice to me. I like nice Jamie because he makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Jamie Oleksiak, I’m in love with you even though I spent almost twenty years hating you. And, that’s all I have to say, so I’m going to go now.”

You begin to turn around, but Jamie’s next words leave you stunned. “I’ve had a crush on you since we were three.”

“What?”

“When we were three years old, I realized I had a crush on you. I wouldn’t have called it a crush, but I always saw how in love my parents were and one day wanted that with you. You know how children get ‘married’? Well, I wanted to marry you. I didn’t know how to process how I felt so I treated you like shit and for that, I’m sorry. I realized I was in love with you in high school, but at that point, too much damage was created for me to go back and change things. When I saw you again a few months back, I realized that I never really got over you, and I wanted more with you.”

You take a step forward. “So.”

“So?”

“So, we’re two idiots who are in love with each other, then?”

“So we are,” Jamie says to you with a smile.

“Now what do we do?” you ask.

“Well, I’d like to take you out for dinner and maybe kiss you? Then, take you out for dinner again and call you my girlfriend. What do you think?”

“I think you should kiss me now and we can just jump to the ‘I’m your girlfriend’ part.”

“That’s a deal,” Jamie says and leans down to kiss you. He places a gentle kiss on your lips before leaning back to take a breath. He leans in again, and you both deepen the kiss he places on your lips. All of five seconds pass when you hear cheering behind you. “I guess this is why you wanted to talk in private, right?”

You laugh. “Yeah, it was. Maybe you should listen to me more often.”

“Well, now that you’re my girlfriend, I guess I have more of a reason to.”

“And why’s that?”

“So I get to keep you and love you forever?”

You smile and say, “that I can do.” You perch upon your tippy-toes and kiss Jamie again. Who knew that two childhood enemies could one day learn to love each other?

Taglist: @goalision @coffee-ontherocks @glassdanse @barzal-burakovsky @petey-patty @beauvibaby @boqvistsbabe @rmaye @heatherawoowoo @heaveniish @stars-canucks @tkapuckit @mellany1997 @nhlboyshavemyhart88 @heybarzy @2manytabsopen @habsfan @besthockeyfics @plds2000 @kaitieskidmore1 @iwantahockeyhimbo @sidscrosbyy @barzysandmarnersbitch @ollywahlygator @leafs-forever @laurenairay @no-pucks-given @sixmapleleafs (Join my taglist here!)

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Pawn

Debut: Senet

Welcome to another gameriffic post showcasing some of the most iconic characters in all of gaming! I can’t believe it took us, a blog about games, this long to get to PAWN, though. Everyone knows Pawn, and everyone’s played as Pawn! Even people who wouldn’t consider themselves gamers, and even people who would have sworn they’ve never gamed before!

But what is a Pawn? I, personally, would define it at any basic game piece that’s an ambiguous representation of the player, often vaguely conical in shape, and often lacking in abilities compared to other pieces, if others are present. Chess was far from the first game to feature pawns, and was far from the last to do it!

Pawn has its origins in Senet, the very first board game known to ever exist! Senet was created and played in Egypt some time before 2620 BCE. Sadly, the rules of Senet are unknown, and even in the past, it seems the rules varied, so we may never know for sure. But we DO know that Pawn is here, and this is likely the first Pawn that ever existed!

Chaturanga, played in India around 600 AD, is without a doubt one of the most influential board games to exist, likely to have inspired various games around the world, including Xiangqi, Shogi, Sittuyin, Makruk, and Chess! The Pawn equivalent here had a few names, all referring to its representation of a foot soldier, and had the same abilities as a Chess Pawn, though was unable to move two spaces as its first move...

I don’t need to bother explaining Chess Pawn! We all know Chess Pawn. As we can see with Chaturanga before, the specific Pawn Shape has proven very reliable throughout history. And I’m glad it has. It’s a nice shape, like a little guy. It has a little head and a little body, and some sort of frilly collar, perhaps. Is this even much of a representation of a warrior at this point? Pawn looks like it’s all gussied up for the occasion. In terms of gameplay, Pawn received some buffs in Chess! It can now move two spaces as its first move, and become any piece it wants upon reaching the other side of the board, rather than just taking the form of the piece that originally occupied that space, as in Chaturanga.

At some point, I’m not sure when, Pawn Fever struck the world. People couldn’t get enough Pawns! In a game with battle-ready religious figures, flying horses, and sentient castles, it was the humble Pawn that captured our hearts. Pawn has so much potential. It can be anything. And it’s cute! It’s not just me, right? Pawn is cute. Even cuter when it becomes further abstracted, like the very first image in this post, where it no longer even resembles a humanoid in ANY way. More like, a blob with an eyestalk. That’s how I interpret those ones.

My SECOND most common experience with Pawns is in Sorry!, where they’re the more abstracted form I like, but... hey! That’s not how I imagine the faces! Is this necessary? Is this... canon? I’m Sorry!, but I don’t like them having human faces!

That may be a bit hypocritical of me, though, because I DO love THIS!  On this non-anthropomorphized pawn, we can clearly see that it does have a spine and ribcage. This would contradict the previous face placement, wouldn’t it? Or the other way around, but I think I will accept this one. I’m Sorry! for breaking canon, but look at this! A pawn with bones! It’s a real vertebrate creature just like you and me. That can still be an eyestalk, though. It can have bones and eyestalks! Like a dragonfish larva.

But that’s not all! The Sorry! franchise has further developed the abilities of Pawn with the Slider variant, now outfitted with an Orb in order to slide across the board! They should do this to Chess Pawns. It would be fun.

Also, sometimes Sorry! has Fire and Ice Power-Ups. I don’t know how exactly these work, but... is it possible for a Pawn to grow TOO powerful? As long as it’s responsible, I suppose! 

The shape of the Sorry! Sliders board is not very original... because it is quite a lot like the board of ancient Indian board game, Pachisi, which Sorry! is heavily based on in the first place! Sorry!, Sorry! Your secret is out! At least you’re not as shameful a gentrification as “Parcheesi”, though, at least. 

Clue(do), is a rather notable pawn-based game, by virtue of having each player play as an established human character! More recent versions have pieces that actually resemble the characters, but of course, I prefer the pawns. It’s like a reverse humanization! What if that happened more often? What if they rebooted Seinfeld but all the characters were plastic pawns? Wow!

Also, I just need to say it. If you’re playing a game with pawns, I feel like you GOTTA move the pawn my making it hop from space to space, making that nice tapping sound. I think it’s just how pawns are meant to be.

I don’t want to end the post before mentioning one of the most iconic fictional board games of all time, though! Eels and Escalators is a clear parody of Snakes and Ladders, a game that uses pawns as players, though here the players are represented by simple fish person-like pieces. So, no pawns. Why am I mentioning it, then?

Because in the episode SpongeBob’s Place, where the board game makes a cameo appearance, there ARE pawns! Wowee! I definitely prefer the fish-like pieces here, but I still love pawns. I am happy that I can associate Eels and Escalators with pawns!

[hopeymchope]

Wonder Egg Priority finale thoughts

My Tumblr has a lot of anti-bully content, so it was probably no surprise when I began to watch and enjoy Wonder Egg Project this past spring. The series famously hit production delays that forced them to put out a mid-series recap episode, and that decision in turn forced them to push the final episode until late June. But now that the series (or at least season 1) is out there and complete, I thought I’d talk about how it all shook out in the end as well as the questions it left me sitting with.

For the uninitiated, here’s a bit of the context: Wonder Egg Project deals with four middle-school teen girls who’ve undergone hardships either at home or at school or both. They all lose someone they care about to tragic suicides, and then they discover the titular wonder eggs. They get these eggs from a vending machine and then, when they fall asleep, they enter a dreamworld where these eggs hatch to reveal a young person who recently committed suicide. For that night, it is the duty of the girl who got that egg to fight and defend that suicide victim from monstrous enemies that represent their abusers and oppressors. The girls are told that if they protect enough of these victims over many nights, they will be able to resurrect the specific person they lost to suicide. But of course, if you get injured or killed in the dreamworld, it affects your body in reality as well. 

The squad: Ai, Neiru, Rika, and Momoe.

Obviously, bullying is among the topics most frequently explored here, but we also deal with so many other terrible things that people might experience during childhood and adolescence. Physical, verbal, and sexual abuse are all on the table. Coming to terms with one’s gender identity is raised. It’s a show that manages to tackle a lot of heavy subjects through the lens of what’s essentially magical girl combat. I mean, there are no outfit transformations or any of that stuff, but still.

With THAT out of the way, let me talk about how the series wrapped up.

It’s clear to the viewers that there’s a lot that doesn’t make sense during the show — it’s intentionally very trippy and ethereal at times — and there’s also a lot that raises obvious questions even if you grasp it. Where do the eggs and their connection to the recently deceased come from? How do the psychological traumas of the various egg-children manifest as monsters that can literally kill you? What’s the deal with Acca and Ura-Acca and their freaky dummy bodies? What are they getting out of this whole deal with the eggs and the girls? What do the repeated references to the “temptation of death” mean? How does access to the Egg Garden even work? Is it really possible to resurrect their dead friends? Is Mr. Sawaki a predator or a chill guy or what? Why did Neiru’s sister stab her? And so on. 

The writers could’ve opted to keep things mysterious and hazy and metaphysical for the entire run or they could’ve provided lots of explanations and tried to ground this weird story in some sort of strange logic, but I’m actually pleased that they opted to go down the middle. There are answers for many things, but not for all. And when those answers come, they typically just raise more questions as well as doubts to their validity. 

SPOILERS for the finale/”special episode” below the cut.

So, obviously the answers for Acca and Ura-Acca are centered around Frill. Frill is this interesting fusion between the artificial and the organic; her body can be injured like any regular physical body, but she’s actually an A.I. on the inside. Acca and Ura-Acca are the exact reverse of this — they’re human minds inside of completely artificial bodies. Exactly how Frill started invading girls’ minds to lure them towards suicide is kept incredibly vague, but she serves as the embodiment of the “temptation of death” that was so-often referenced in the show. Frill doesn’t really appreciate life or care about the finality of death, making her a pretty natural foe for the heroes who have spent the entire series learning to appreciate their lives and bemoaning painful losses.

Can you even believe this bitch?

Acca and Ura-Acca also have documents talking about how warriors of Eros need to battle against Thanatos, the embodiment of death, but what’s that all about? We don’t really get into it. Is Frill somehow Thanatos herself? I mean... I guess maybe you could go that route, but I sincerely don’t think that’s meant to be the case. I assume she’s just another player in the game, and she happens to have taken Thanatos’ side in things. Her artificial existence and resentment of her fathers leads her to treat death flippantly. She was programmed to be selfish sometimes, and that selfishness has ultimately manifested itself in the worst possible ways. Intriguingly, we see Acca and Ura-Acca act similarly selfish in how they drive our four heroes to risk their lives just to battle Frill. Acca in particular shows that he’ll risk anyone’s life to get to Frill, who killed both his wife and daughter. But Acca never has to risk his own life. He’s just risking other people. Both sides of the equation are treating human lives like disposable pawns in some kind of war game. 

Y’all are SUPER-SKETCH.

It’s never really clear how these eggs work. We’re told that the Accas created the eggs, and honestly, I could’ve figured as much on my own. But they don’t try to explain how the eggs can contain the souls of suicide victims or how they manifest those people into dreams, and frankly, it’s probably better not to try.

I was really shocked that the girls actually manage to resurrect their dead friends. I was 100% certain that was going to be a scam and the point was going to be about learning to move on and live for the moment and appreciate those bonds while you had them, etc. And there is some of that. Alas, the price of resurrecting those people they care about is that the people in question no longer know them or remember them. That was pretty brutal... having our heroes nearly die over and over in service of people who ultimately will no longer care about them at all. Although they did the impossible and brought someone back to life, they had to lose those people all over again. I suppose this, like much fo the finale, emphasizes that we should appreciate our relationships while they last, because you can lose them for so many reasons. Regardless, I’m not surprised that Momoe just wanted to quit and avoid getting hurt after that. It’s understandable.

There’s a lot of discussion around parallels in the last two episodes. Parallel worlds with alternate versions of the self are raised multiple times, Ai gets an awesome encounter with a parallel version of herself that really brought her emotional journey to a head, and we even have to deal with a doppleganger of Neiru at the end. This leads to the revelation that Neiru looks exactly like her formerly deceased sister... a fact that presumably was part of what drove the sister to attack Neiru in the first place. Given that we’ve already been told that they were both genetically engineered, their identical appearances don’ seem that strange. But then the finale tells us that Neiru’s one dream is “to be human,” and suddenly the characters assume Neiru was an A.I. just like Frill. That... seems like a leap to me. I mean, she was genetically engineered to lead her company and never had a family of her own; no wonder she feels inhuman! So I’m not sure if I should take this at face value.

Neiru real or fake challenge

Another thing that I don’t think we can take at face value is Mr. Sawaki’s explanation of Koito’s death. In episode 12, we meet a parallel version of Ai who actually killed herself. The big boss monster for Ai to fight while protecting Alt-Ai? It’s a dark, abusive version of Sawaki. And our Ai inexplicably assumes this monster was made from her own fears. A very bizarre conclusion to jump to when you remember that every single boss monster has been the abuser of the victim that the girls were defending in that episode. By all available evidence, the Sawaki monster should be a parallel-world Sawaki who is very much exactly the scumbag he appears to be! Notice how Alt-Ai never says a damn word about the Sawaki Monster - never asks who he is or why he’s like this, etc? She’s not even surprised. That just lends further credence to my belief. FOLLOW THE EVIDENCE.

So in the finale, when our version of Mr. Sawaki claims (via a VERY awkwardly inserted voiceover) that Koito’s death was an accident after she tried to ruin his reputation because she fell in love with him, why should I believe any of it?! The previous episode introduced me to Abusive Sawaki! Sure, we don’t have any reason to assume our Sawaki is That Dick, but we JUST learned that he’s certainly capable. Furthermore, how could Koito suddenly be the ONLY accidental death among all of the available suicide victims in the dreamworld? She shouldn’t have even appeared there if it was just an accident! Although I’d like to believe that Sawaki was someone who Ai and the girls were jumping to conclusions about based on nothing... but it sure doesn’t look that way from here. And given how the show ends things, I fear we may have a hard time learning anything else about Sawaki. Ai changes schools and runs away, there is zero comment on what happened to Sawaki’s relationship with her mom... he’s just gone now.

As the final episode winds down, we see Rika and Ai fall back into bad habits, as they all treat Neiru just like they treated the girls they tried so hard to save. Rika acts disgusted by a friend and abandons her, treating Neiru the same way she treated Cheimi. When Neiru finally reaches out to Ai and calls her, Ai ignores the call and throws her phone away, thereby ignoring her friend’s needs in the same way she ignored Koito’s when she failed to record the bullying Koito was experiencing. You might even be able to connect Momoe’s choice to walk away for the sake of self-preservation to her decision to reject Haruka and walk away, honestly. And to compound the bad news that the show gives us near the end, we skip forward months to learn that Ai, Rika and Momoe have all drifted apart. Ai is in a new school, but we don’t see her with any new friends. She’s back where she started the show.

The difference, however, is that she doesn’t seem hopeless and lonely. She seems wistful, sure, but she never seems beaten down. She still treasures the friendships she built even if they wind up fading away. So there’s still a message in here about moving on, because even if you lose a person or a connection, it will forever matter.

*insert engine rev-up noises*

In the final moments, we see Ai preparing to run in the exact same pose she used back in episode 1 when she first stood up to the abusers within the dreamworld. This time, she runs to grab her chance to reunite with a dear friend. She takes charge of her own future and her own self-worth, somehow gets back into the Egg Garden (even though Rika wasn’t even allowed to enter after she rescued her specified victim, so uh... how did Ai get back in exactly... ?), and insists she’s going to use the eggs to see Neiru... even though the eggs only let you see the dead up to this point, so uh, that doesn’t really make any sense either. Consistency, motherfucker — DO YOU USE IT?

Amidst all the uncertainty that the finale left us with, at least we can see Ai find herself in a more confident place. She spends much of the series learning to stop running from her problems in the real world. Even after she gains confidence in the battles of her dreams, she struggles to face reality. It’s a huge step when she returns to school. Yet even in the very last episode, she opts to run away to a new school rather than cope with seeing Koito each day. But at last, she decides to take charge of her reality and try to reunite with her new best friend, Neiru. She’s wavered on her path, but ultimately, she’s grown. Although you could simultaneously argue that she’s failing to learn the lesson that rescuing Koito should’ve taught her...

“Ai Ohto is BACK!”

I don’t think any of us expected this finale to be a cliffhanger coming into it.  And unfortunately, we don’t know if there will ever be another season or a movie or anything. Given how people reacted to this finale with such overt hate, I really don’t expect anything more. And I think that would be a goddamn shame. Even with a finale that doesn’t quite stick the landing, I still found it fascinating and engaging. The series is more than worth the trip for the characters, for the themes and topics it explores, and even for the fluid action scenes and music. And this is a series that was made by first-time writers and a first-time director! Yet I’d easily call it one of the best animes from the past couple of years. For total newcomers, that’s a goddamn TRIUMPH.

So I hope we reunite with these girls again. I hope Ai manages to get the band back together, find out exactly what’s going on with Neiru, and face down Frill. Even if they never wind up in some ultimate battle with Thanatos, I don’t know that that’s the point. All of us are in a battle with Thanatos every single day, after all. They just need to show how they’ve all gotten stronger together and truly overcome the “Temptation of Death” by beating back Frill (and her ridiculously powerful dreamworld bug-people) as a unit. 

But maybe that’s too obvious and simplistic of a message for a show like this one. Maybe this complex ending centered on the main protagonist’s self-actualization and the value of fleeing relationships is more in keeping with the melancholy nature of the series. 

... I still really want to see the more obvious happy ending, though. I think they deserve it.

[gwyns]

I'm surprised I haven't seen anyone draw parallels between Feyre leaving Tamlin for her Mate to Elain leaving Azriel for her Mate. (Ignoring the fact I hate Rhysand, the books obviously want me to think he's the best person ever so I'll just pretend). Because that's what I see happening.

Elain and Azriel are so clearly rebounds for one another. Elain's still grieving her human love and life, and Azriel is still hung up on Mor. They're both quiet and available, so they jump to each other. That's it. The Azriel POV was purely about what he wants. How he wants to fuck her and taste her. He's just sex to her.

Even if E/riels had a more convincing case, it's not like SJM hasn't pulled a SIKE on us before. If she goes anywhere with E/riel, she'll undoubtedly pull it back. SJM doesn't take Mating bonds lightly, and she's stated that she loves Lucien. And if anyone deserves the happiness of a bond, it's him.

Feyre and Rhys, and Cassian and Nesta, all had relationships/lovers before Mating. Elain "liking" Az now, (which we're not even clear on), doesn't really mean much.

I'd like to hear your thoughts! You're so good at this, and you always explain my thoughts so perfectly. Love and light 💕💕💕

honestly there are quite a few feysand/elucien parallels that people either don't see or choose to ignore.

rhysand was first presented as a villain to feyre, the same could be applied to lucien just bc of his envolvement with tamlin (that he wrongfully gets blamed for btw idk why e/riels love blaming tamlin's mistakes on lucien). feyre was engaged before she went to rhys, elain was engaged before she met lucien. both were/are? still hung up on their former fiances. feysand as a couple represents the night, elucien would represent (at least in part) day. it's literally night and day with them. they're similar but also wholly their own pairing, it's fascinating to me.

anyway i think i will use this ask to spill some of my e/riel opinions sorry about that! alright let's start off with this controversial statement: i don't think e/riel was ever meant to be endgame.

i've seen it said a few times over the years that sarah changed her mind about elucien and while that's possible bc she also previously changed her mind on lucien and nesta one has to ask themselves..... if she wanted to write a mate bond rejection why didn't she stick with her original plan of lucien and nesta being mates? she's said herself that they wouldn't work but she chose to change lucien's mate to someone who compliments him better, and it's to feyre's other sister no less. that tells me lucien is important and powerful, he's mated to one of the sisters, one of the key players of the entire series.

another point is we can assume (and we could be wrong, let me put this here before someone yells at me or vague blogs about it) that sjm had an elucien endgame in mind when writing acowar, right? and when she was touring for that book hadn't she already started work on acofas? and we know that she's never on social media, so if she had an elucien endgame in mind when she wrote all of the supposed e/riel "evidence" where does that leave us?

drama. tension. conflict. angst.

i think that's what it all comes down to. people will say that elucien was a front while e/riel is the true endgame but... it all seems a bit easy, doesn't it? e/riel is right in your face while elucien is silently brewing in the background. what if the bait and switch isn't elucien, but e/riel?

sarah has shown us before that she likes to use her characters as ways for her other characters to end up with their endgame matches. for example, without tamlin, feyre wouldn't have met rhys. and moving over to throne of glass for a second, if not for chaol, aelin wouldn't have met rowan. and in turn, if aelin hadn't given yrene the money she needed in tab, chaol wouldn't have met her.

are the e/riel scenes romantically coded? yes, probably. i'm not saying they aren't, some people picked up on it but i personally didn't get that vibe myself, especially in acowar, but acofas kinda blurred the lines a bit. but even then, i didn't think they'd work out and i still don't understand the arguments that are supposed to be in their favor from that book. elain says she doesn't want a male so that excludes lucien but not azriel somehow? that line means she doesn't want any fae, she wants a human man, she wants graysen. then we have lucien saying he can't even stand to be in the same room as elain which i never read as a "oh i hate this person" kinda way. no, it's bc the whole situation between them is awkward and it obviously makes both of them uncomfortable. it doesn't help when literally all of the inner circle is constantly around them, and being in the night court in general doesn't give them the privacy to get to know each other.

some people like to ask why build e/riel up at all if they're not going to be together? one thing i've always loved about sjm's books is how she can write relationships. now, let's say you meet someone irl and you like them, eventually maybe fall in love with them, and fail to notice how they're not good for you. maybe everyone around you can see it, but you don't. you want a relationship and you're in a decent one, it should work out. like they're not a bad person, this relationship just isn't right for you in the long run. why waste your time? it's life. sometimes things are good for you at a certain point in time but not later on. sometimes you just end up in a relationship that was never good for you. sometimes you fall out of love with someone. you're constantly learning and adapting to things and that's my stance on e/riel. i think they're both looking for companionship and they're the "safest" and most available option.

taking it back to acofas, azriel was relived to not have to get elain a gift and was still gazing longingly at mor. now in acosf he's avoiding talking about her while wanting to fuck elain and getting defensive when helion mentions mor. he's not over her. he's not going to just completely forget 500 years of pining bc elain showed up, especially when they haven't even helped one another to move on. if they had, we would have seen the proof of that. not just "oh she's hot we both want sex", that doesn't make a healthy relationship.

as for elain, she's been taught she has to act a certain way her entire life. she has to downplay her trauma and emotions to appease others so they don't worry about her. maybe she's even had visions involving lucien that upset/scare her somehow and she's reaching out for something else. i think they're both lonely and desperate (at least on az's end) for someone that they ultimately are drawn to the wrong people.

as for the lack of elucien development... this is how i see it. if they're endgame, why would sarah have all of their big moments happen off screen or as a throwaway line in acosf? elain is getting a book, we know this, and with how much of the story is tied to lucien and how much is left unresolved with him, we can also assume he'd get a pov at some point. so imo it makes sense for the fact we got little to no development for them in acosf. no, she wants a huge wedge between them so we can watch them come together. the payoff will be that much sweeter. kinda similar to how she put a wedge between nessian before acosf, sure they had more development in acowar than elucien but i think that's bc sarah knew they'd get the first spinoff. she had to give them that development whereas elucien can wait, a bit longer. it's frustrating yes but i do think we'll get something in acotar 5.

maybe i'm an optimistic fool, maybe sarah did at one point have an endgame in mind for them, but i find it hard to believe she wouldn't see how wrong they are for each other in the long run. she's very good at showing us how well characters fit together with just a few lines.