#it's still my own fault. it's still on me for not saying anything.
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I don't think I have one currently but I had one in middle school. A bully of mine made it on Facebook and blamed me for his parents divorce and ruining his home life.
After our first incident, my mom met up with his parents and had chats about coming together or something. Not directly angry or anything or getting mad at them but hoping to positively affect each other and his mom & my mom became friends.
After the second/third interaction, my mom noticed my bully walk back into the school with just his father and decide we should go in to. We go into the principal office after them and witness the father lying up a storm on behalf of his son, saying that I'M bullying HIS son (For reference, I'm a scrawny kid at this moment who hasn't hit his growth spurt at this time, literally smallest kid in the school while my bully is the tallest, bulky and a boxer) and then claims my mom went to their car and was physically threatening them.
We stayed silent and just let him continue until the lady in the office interrupted to ask him if the group behind him was who he was talking about, bringing us to his attention. Our parents started getting into a yelling argument, so did me and his son and in the heat of the moment his son screamed at me "You act like I'm the only one that bullies you", my mom screamed "hold it! I'm not the only one who caught what he just said right? " and the school staff members confirmed they heard what he said too. All of a sudden, the father starts backpedaling and talking about his son getting violent and arguing with him at home too. Now the father is agreeing that his son hasn't been acting right now that he can't deny it.
Afterwards, my mom called his mom to tell him what happened and she was furious and embarrassed about what happened and even got a call from the school about it too.
I had no more interactions with this specific bully afterwards irl and he eventually stopped going to our school but the rest of this I learned from the Facebook group he created, dedicated to hating me after searching my own name online; after this event his parents started fighting a lot and eventually divorced one another. His mother was disappointed in both him and his dad so he had a long punishment from her too with a lot of his devices taken away, her got kicked out of karate (forgot to mention that we both took karate at the same place, I had stopped going a bit prior to this but remembered this, he was a purple belt and I was blue but we sparred once and he was very violent, my mom contacted the dojo about him using it to bully kids so they kicked him out), post divorce his parents were now both single income and moved to different areas so he could no longer attend the same school he once attended and both parents no longer had the extra income they had before to spend on gifts for him or just high quality items in general. Him having to go to a different school also meant he was separated from a lot of the friends he had made.
He considered all of this to have been my fault, that I ruined his life and then made this group not just to vent but to also recruit people still at the school to get revenge in his absence. I actually did get bullied a lot afterwards but I don't think it had anything to do with him, I think it was more related to exploitation of the schools new weird "no tolerance policy" where everyone gets punished in an altercation (yes that includes the victim in the altercation) and the school also expelled students who got suspended 3 times so it created an environment where bullies can all bully a specific kid and not get in trouble because the kid getting bullied would stop seeking help to avoid getting expelled themselves when they got punished along with whoever was bullying them.
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Ageless wonder - Lewis Hamilton
warnings: mentions of alcohol, Toto being an ass (himself)
genre: fluff and teasy Lewis
wordcount: +1k
a/n: I had to, 'shelf life' my ass
As always, I'm open for feedback, come say hi!
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Waking up with a hangover wasn’t new to me, Lewis was the one non-alcoholic Tequila master in the relationship after all. But waking up feeling like my skull is auditioning for the lead role in Crash: The Musical, though? That’s special.
My tongue feels like I licked an old battery, my hair probably looks like I got electrocuted, and the sun streaming through the window is public enemy number one.
And still somewhere through the haze of pain, I catch a whiff of something heavenly: Lewis’s cologne.
Thank God. Home.
There’s a low chuckle near me, and the bed dips slightly. “Morning, superstar.”
I pry one eye open. Lewis is sitting on the edge of the bed, wearing a grin that’s somewhere between amusement and concern, though he’s annoyingly chipper, like he hasn’t just watched me drag myself through hell disguised as a bottle of – real – tequila.
“Why are you so loud?” I croak, turning over to bury my face in the pillow.
“I’m not loud; you’re sensitive” he shoots back, that stupid chuckle rumbling again. “Rough night”
I flip him off without looking, which only makes him laugh harder. “Rough week actually.”
And it has been rough.
Toto, king of ominous sound bites, had suggested, in the newly launched Mercedes book, that Lewis might’ve been near his “shelf life.”
As if Lewis wasn’t out there fighting the excuse of a car they couldn’t understand how to work around, pulling phenomenal races from P10, setting twelve fastest laps, lapping four-tenths faster than his own teammate at some points.
And if there’d been more laps? Well, Toto might’ve had to eat his words on a very public stage.
I’d been at the race, of course. Watching from the garage, headphones clamped tight over my ears, my hands clasped together until they ached. I’d barely breathed until he crossed the line in P2, the garage erupting around me.
The relief was immediate, but it didn’t last.
I caught the frustration in his shoulders as he climbed out of the car, the way it clung to him during the cooldown drive to the podium interview and those mandatory interviews.
He’d wanted more.
He hadn’t said anything directly to me, of course—he never does when the sting is fresh. But I know the weight when I see it.
It’s in the way he’s still tense even as he waves to the fans, in the measured, overly polite answers he gives in interviews.
Watching him absorb the quiet digs, I wanted to storm the press room and defend him, consequences be damned. But what good would it do? Still, the knot in my chest wouldn’t loosen until I saw him smile again.
And then Toto had gone and made it worse. Of course. Lewis’s teammate was “from another planet,” while Lewis was just working with a “super strong car.”
I’d had to sit there and smile politely, even though every part of me wanted to grab Toto by the collar and shake him.
It wasn’t my fight, though—not really. It was Lewis’s. And Lewis, being Lewis, handled it like a pro. Calm. Measured.
Acknowledging his own faults while subtly calling out the micro-aggressions of all sorts he’s dealt with his whole career.
That’s my man. Too classy for this world.
But let’s be real: the post-race party in Vegas? That was for me. Not that I’d ever admit outside of our bedroom, but seeing him relaxed, smiling, surrounded by people who adore him? That was the real victory.
And the price for that? Me, nursing the world’s worst hangover and Lewis, laughing at my expense. Classic.
His voice broke through my thoughts. “You really went for it last night. Celebrating like you won something.”
“I did win something,” I mumble into the pillow.
“Oh yeah?” His tone is teasing, and I can feel his grin without even looking.
I finally roll onto my back, squinting at him like he’s the sun itself. “Bragging rights,” I said. “Because you…” I pointed vaguely in his direction, “…are a goddamn force of nature. And because everyone who said otherwise is a dumbass.”
He shakes his head, amused, but there’s a softness in his eyes now.
“And,” I add, smirking despite the pounding in my head, “I won tequila shots with Miles. That’s also worth celebrating.”
“Clearly.” He gestures vaguely at my disheveled state, and I kick at him weakly with one foot.
He dodges easily, then leans back, holding his phone up with a sly smile.
“Pot, meet kettle,” I muttered, rolling onto my stomach and burying my face in the pillow. Except that pillow smelled like him, which was entirely too distracting.
“What’s got you so chirpy this morning anyway?” I mumbled into the pillowcase, though I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.
He had an uncanny ability to bounce back after days like these, his body apparently immune to exhaustion. I would’ve hated him for it if I didn’t love him so much.
“Just enjoying the comments on your last post,” he said nonchalantly.
That got my attention. I lifted my head to look at him. “What post?”
Lewis didn’t answer. Instead, he smirked and held up his phone, just out of my reach.
“Oh, come on,” I groaned, dragging myself upright. My head protested the movement, but curiosity outweighed the pain. “What did I do?”
“You don’t remember?” His grin widened. “It’s good. Really good.”
“Lewis.” I reached for his phone, but he leaned back, clearly enjoying this way too much.
“I think it’s fair to say the caption was… pointed,” he said, drawing the word out.
“Pointed at what?” My patience was wearing thin, and my curiosity was spiraling into mild panic.
He finally handed me the phone, and the moment I saw the screen, the haze of my hangover lifted just enough to make room for a new emotion: horror.
The photo was innocent enough—just me and Lewis at some ridiculous Vegas afterparty, his arm slung around my shoulders, both of us grinning like idiots. But the caption. Oh, the caption.
“All in on ageless wonder”
And my jaw drops. “Oh my God.”
Lewis is laughing now, low and warm and entirely too entertained. “You went all in, babe.”
I scroll through the comments, and my stomach flips. Hundreds of thousands of likes. Thousands of comments. Most are supportive—#GoatHamilton is trending, apparently—but a few are... less so.
I can’t help it but laugh. “Drunk me is bold.”
“Drunk you is sincere” he corrects, taking the phone back and locking the screen.
“Toto kinda deserves it.” I sit up, wincing as the motion sends my head spinning. “How long can I leave it up before PR calls me personally to tell me I’m banned from every Mercedes garage on Earth?”
Lewis checked his watch like he was genuinely considering it. “I’d say we’ve got a couple hours before the panic sets in. Maybe three if I keep ignoring my phone.”
I grin at him. “Reckless. I like it.”
He grins back, and for a moment, it’s just us. No hangovers, no drama, no shelf-life bullshit. Just Lewis and me, in sync as always.
He kissed me then, and for a moment, the lingering fog of tequila and regret melted away. All that mattered was him—his warmth, his steadiness, his love that he didn’t have to put into words because it was always there, in everything he did.
Lewis always had a way of grounding me, of silencing the noise in my head with something as simple as a kiss. It wasn’t just the feel of his lips—it was the way his hands cupped my face, anchoring me to him, the unspoken reassurance in the way he held me.
He didn’t need words to remind me that we were a team, that no matter how loud the world got, we’d always have this.
And I knew—I’d burn through a thousand hangovers just to feel this peace
“How much trouble are you when Toto sees that post?” I ask after a few moments of us studying each other.
He smirks. “Don’t worry.”
“Remind me to confiscate my phone next time I drink.” I lean back against the headboard, closing my eyes again.
“Not a chance,” he says, and there’s so much affection in his voice it makes my chest ache.
I peek at him through one eye. “You like chaos too much.”
“Maybe.” He shrugs, still grinning. “Or maybe I just like you.”
Damn him.
I roll my eyes, but I’m smiling now, the pain in my head fading to the background. Lewis has that effect on me. He always has.
And as much as I want to give him hell for waking me up, for teasing me, for letting me post that caption in the first place, I can’t bring myself to care.
Because at the end of the day, Lewis is Lewis. And he doesn’t need anyone to tell him who he is.
Although I’ll keep on shouting it from the rooftops if I have to.
Shelf life, my ass.
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Clingy D wasn't something I knew I needed. For research purposes, how would that fare though, author
the texas heat clung to D as they sat on the back porch of their grandfather’s old farm. the air smelled of earth and sunburnt grass, a scent that had grown oddly comforting in the months since they’d moved back.
the farm was quiet now, save for the low hum of cicadas and the occasional bark of a stray dog wandering by the fence. the peacefulness suited D—most days. but tonight, it was unbearable.
their phone sat on the wooden table in front of them, face down like it was a guilty party. they’d told themself they weren’t going to look at it anymore.
just leave it, rook, calm down.
stop being so needy, rook.
get your shit together, rook.
you’re always the recurring car crash, rook, the common denominator.
but their eyes flickered toward the phone anyway.
the truth sat under their ribs like a splinter: it had been three days since you’d texted anything more than a brief, polite response to a link they’d sent, and weeks since you’d called. three days of D’s mind running circles around itself, spiraling into every worst-case scenario it could conjure. and they were losing their grip. their fingers tapped restlessly on the armrest of the chair, their boot scuffing against the railing.
maybe you’re busy, they told themself for the fiftieth time that evening. new york is a big place. MBA programs are hard. you’ve got new friends now, fancy urbane friends who wear suits and drink wine like it’s water. you don’t have time to call your idiot partner who still wants to live in their old farmhouse down south and smells like hay and diesel these days.
that last thought stung, and D flinched like they’d spoken it aloud.
they picked up their phone and stared at the screen, willing your name to appear. a new message. a missed call. anything. they’d tried calling you twice yesterday but hung up before it even rang.
the phone buzzed suddenly in their hand, cutting through the peacefulness like a blade. D jumped, nearly dropping it in their haste to answer.
“hey,” they said, too quickly, the word coming out rough and broken, betraying how much they’d been waiting for this. they winced at their own pathetic eagerness.
“hi,” you replied. your voice was warm but tinged with something D couldn’t quite place. it wasn’t joy.
there was a pause, one of those long, awkward ones that stretched out like a wound neither of you wanted to clean out.
“why haven’t you replied to my texts?” you asked finally. your tone was light, sure, but the edge was unmistakable.
D blinked, thrown off-guard. “why haven’t you called me?”
the words left their mouth before they could stop them, sharper than intended, spilling out like blood from a clean incision. the silence on your end was deafening.
“excuse me?” you said after a moment, your voice now tight.
D pushed on, reckless now, the spiraling in their chest too loud to ignore.
“it’s been weeks,” they said, their voice rising despite themself. “weeks since you actually picked up the phone to call me. i’m supposed to be okay with a couple of dry texts here and there? a couple of ‘how are yous’ like you’re checking in on a goddamn houseplant? what am i even supposed to do with that? do you even want to talk to me anymore?”
“of course i want to talk to you!” you snapped, louder this time, frustration apparent in your tone. “but you’ve been so distant during our texts. i didn’t know if you even wanted to hear from me if you got too busy with the farm renovations.”
“distant?” D barked out a laugh, harsh and humorless. “i’m not the one out there living some shiny new life in new york city with shiny new friends. don’t talk to me about being distant when you’re the one who left!”
“oh wow, so it’s my fault now?”
“isn’t it?”
the words hung between you like a noose, both of you too angry to let go and too hurt to say anything else.
“this isn’t fair,” you said finally, your voice breaking just slightly, and D hated that they heard it, hated that they caused it. “you don’t get to put this all on me. you knew what this was going to be like. you knew it would be hard. you could’ve just come with me until renovations were done for the farm. you’re the one who insisted on supervising everything to stay in that stupid place.”
“don’t fucking call the farm stupid,” D shot back, their voice trembling now, but they couldn’t stop. “besides, i’m here, aren’t i? waiting by the damn phone every night like some... some pathetic—” they couldn’t finish the sentence.
“then maybe stop waiting!” you yelled, having had enough of it. “if this is so hard for you, maybe you should’ve just come here with me!”
the line went dead.
D stared at the phone in their hand, unblinking, as though willing it to come back to life. the silence that followed was heavier than the summer heat, heavier than anything they’d ever known.
they stood up abruptly, the chair screeching against the porch, and paced back and forth like a caged animal.
“unbelievable,” they muttered under their breath, the anger bubbling up again. “they hang up on me? after all this? after—”
the thing about D was that they wouldn’t—couldn’t—express their emotions in words a lot of the time. sure, they could write about it, but writing about it was different than actually saying it. so these emotions were usually spelled out in other ways.
a bloody fist. a slow song. a naked dance.
but this time, the anger burned out as quickly as it came, leaving behind nothing but the ache. the ache they always carried, the one they could never name but always felt. they sank back into the chair, burying their face in their hands.
you’re going to lose them, a small voice whispered in the back of their mind, insidious and cruel. you’re going to push them away forever. they’ve grown tired of you because you’re too much. you’re always too much, rook.
the thought made them sicker than a glass of cheap liquor.
D picked up their phone again, their thumb hovering over your name in the call log. they could call you back. they could apologize. they could beg.
they pictured you in new york, surrounded by skyscrapers and lights, people who had never set foot on a farm in their life and who probably never will. they imagined themself there, awkward and out of place, fumbling with subway cards with their doc martens too scuffed, their drawl too thick and alien.
they never belonged in san francisco. they never belonged in new haven. they’d never belong in new york city.
but they’d go. if you asked, they’d go in a heartbeat. they’d go and make themself fit into your world if that’s what you wanted. they’d camouflage themself all over again like they did in california and connecticut. even if they hated it, they’d still try.
or maybe you could come back. just for a little while. they’d show you the stars again, the ones you couldn’t see in the ever-polluted cities. they’d hold you close and tell you they loved you, over and over, until you believed it.
but for now, they’d wait by the phone like dogs waited for their owners on the front porch—all day, and then the next.
here’s the pt. 2 to this.
#they think they’re a big bad wolf but they’re still a puppy#writing angsts are now second nature to me atp#p.s. this scenario may or may not happen in book 2 or 3 🫢#if: the ballad of the young gods#interactive fiction#interactive novel#interactive story#twine wip#ro: d diaconu#ro scenarios
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hii! could you please do a klaus x stefan x reader smut.
(klaus and reader are in a relationship.) klaus dares her to suck stefan off whilst sat on his lap. Klaus feels her getting wet as she sucks stefan off and says something like “that’s it love, cover my fingers in your cum”
could you also please include degrading pet names and klaus getting possessive like “does he taste as good as I do love?”
then he fucks reader out of jealousy/possessiveness and makes her and stefan hold eye contact.
I totally understand if you’re not comfortable doing this!! thank youu 🤍
Indulgences
I had been with Klaus for a couple of years now. He made me feel safe despite knowing how dangerous he was.
Klaus had his ups and downs of course but who didn't? I still loved him.
Even when he proposed ideas of threesomes sometimes and I'd have to watch as he made love to another woman, although he always insisted it wasn't love making and it never meant anything.
I didn't always like having to share him but it made him happy so I did.
Sometimes I could tell right away when he saw a woman that he'd want us to be with later. He always made sure to pay me attention too during the sessions but it wasn't the same as when it was just us.
Sometimes I would pull away and he'd send the other girl home. He would pull me back to him and kiss my face.
"I'm sorry sweetheart." Klaus would whisper, his fingers in my hair. "It wasn't a good time and I should have recognised that." He would murmur. "I'll make it up to you, my love."
And he always would.
That was his only fault really, that he indulged a little too much. But it could have been a lot worse.
When we got to Mystic Falls I got to stay in my own hotel whilst he did his supernatural business but he made sure to come over in the evenings to have dinner with me and spend some time.
It was hard when he turned into a wolf for a couple days, we hadn't really been apart since we'd gotten together but when he messaged me to come over to an address I knew something was happening.
When I got there I could already tell something was different about him as he wrapped his arms around my hips and pulled me in for a kiss. His eyes were gold when I looked up at them before they faded back to blue. Just after that the sound of heaving pulled my attention to the man on the floor, face dripping with blood.
Klaus pet my back as he kissed my ear. "Stefan's coming with us to find our wolves." He murmured and I nodded.
"Okay." I whispered and nodded and he smiled.
"We'll buy you some new clothes on the way, do you want to go get in the car?" He asked but it was demand disguised.
"Should I sit in the back?" I asked but he shook his head.
"No love, you stay beside me; always." He murmured and kissed my lips firmly before guiding me to the door.
Throughout the trip I was nice to Stefan and in return he was nice to me. Sometimes I would think that if I ever got to choose who we had a threesome with that it would be Stefan.
He was kind of like Klaus; sometimes he looked scary but he had a gentleness to him and he felt safe too. I wondered if he was like Klaus in bed too, if he needed to have threesomes with his girl.
Sometimes I thought about him when Klaus slid between my legs on top of the hotel bed. I wondered if Stefan could hear us through the walls. I wondered what he thought.
I'd look over at him when we were just standing around, waiting for Klaus to come out and sent Stefan in. Stefan would look back at me, smile a little and sometimes if we were stood close enough his hand would touch mine before Klaus could see.
But I didn't not love Klaus. I definitely did.
And I enjoyed being with him, feeling him hold me and touch me. He would ask me what was wrong and he would wake up early to get me some breakfast. Every now and then he would ask if he could drink from me which was something we only really did during passionate sex on special occasions but I think he could sense something off on the trip.
I must've been staring too long, Klaus picked up on it and he had dragged me up the hotel stairs.
"Do you like him, love? You like how Stefan looks?" He sneered, hands gripping my arms as he held me against the wall. "You want to feel him, don't you? Taste him, fuck him." He growled and I looked down, feeling guilty.
His breathing was heavy as a silence hung over us. I sniffed a bit and he sighed, his hold loosening before he caressed my arms and pulled me in for a hug.
"I'm sorry." I whimpered and he nuzzled my hair.
"I can't be angry with you sweetheart. You're perfect for me and you've done this for me so many times." He murmured.
"Done what?" I whispered and he cupped my face, tilting my head up to look at him.
"Indulged." He muttered, eyes dark as he kissed my lips. "I have no doubt Stefan won't be interested sweetheart, I know he looks at you too. I just wasn't sure it was mutual."
"We don't have to." I mumbled and shook my head. "I don't even want to, I don't like sharing." I pulled away and he guided me back to him.
"You don't have to do any sharing this time, my love. I'll learn to share this time." He told me with a kiss to the side of my head and as much as the idea had an appeal, I didn't really want anybody like I wanted Klaus.
"I only like you inside me." I whispered, remembering the only other time we had been with a man instead of a woman and he had had me whilst Klaus watched. It didn't feel right, not like Klaus did.
"Then you can just do as much as you'd like. Maybe you just want a touch or a tase? Allow me to give you this sweetheart. I want this for you." Klaus convinced and I considered it.
We didn't talk about it again, but I'd wondered if Klaus mentioned it to Stefan. The vampire had been eyeing me much more, his touch lingering whenever he got the chance and it was making my body crazy.
When we got to Chicago and Klaus woke up his sister Rebekah, I felt jealous. She and Stefan looked at each other with nothing but desire. I didn't want to share.
So once we got to the hotel and Rebekah went into her room, I went into Stefan's.
He was already grinning when I stepped inside and his hands gripped my waist. "I knew you wouldn't be able to keep ignoring me." He whispered, his forehead against mine.
I was down on the hotel bed in a second and everything felt right, except for one thing. "Klaus." I whined, my body sitting up but Stefan pushed me back down.
"He's on his way." He murmured and kissed my lips, It felt so good. I had to wonder if it felt that good when Klaus got to do that with other girls.
For a brief second, I forgot about Klaus and just focused on Stefan. The coldness of his hands, the taste of his tongue.
But Klaus made sure I wouldn't truly forget him.
I was lifted away from Stefan after a few moments and Klaus's warmth swallowed me.
"Tsk, my love." He scolded but his eyes and tone held no malice as he kissed my cheek. "Shouldn't be starting without me."
"I'm sorry." I mumbled but I wasn't, he had started without me before.
The buttons were picked undone one by one until my body was bare in Klaus's lap. "Look at Stefan, sweetheart." He murmured, his hand turning my head so I was looking at Stefan's naked body. He was leant back against the headboard and pillows, body on display and knowing smile on his face. My eyes drifted down to his cock, hard and waiting for me like Klaus's always was. "Good girl, go ahead." Klaus whispered, hands smoothing my body.
I could feel the nerves building as I crawled forward, Stefan's hands were immediately in my hair and guiding me down. I kissed softly from his base to the tip, listening to his breathing hitch and feeling Klaus grip my hips with tension.
He felt different against my tongue, I traced along the most prominent veins and up to the head, tucking lightly and listening to him groan.
"Mmm, just like that-" Stefan groaned and Klaus chuckled.
"Hear that, love? Stefan loves what a good cocksucker you are." He breathed into my ear and I whimpered with my lips still stretched around Stefan.
My head was pushed and pulled up and down, my throat relaxing to feel every inch of his shaft pump between the muscle. My eyes were half closed, Stefan's groaning face above me now blur.
My mind was a haze as my tongue rubbed at his skin swallowed every hint of a taste of his impending release.
Just as I sucked off the few beads of pre cum form his tip, two fingers slid through my folds making my body arch on instinct.
I went to lift my head, to look but a firm palm pushed me down. "Don't you dare." Klaus's voice growled from behind me. "We both know you want to feel him cum down that pretty throat of yours so keep going." He ordered as fingers pushed inside my cunt making me whimper and squirm in his lap.
I swallowed around Stefan's cock again, trying to reduce the amount I was salivating around him.
Klaus's fingers curled inside me, stroking me from the inside and making me clench around him.
Stefan's hands stroked me head, urging me to keep going.
Everything was so overwhelming, my body was already full of need just from the thought of any of this happening let alone it actually occurring.
They both felt so good, I could taste Stefan ready to cum and feel my cunt in a similar state.
Klaus could feel it too.
"Already about to cum on my fingers, love?" He purred, his lips behind my ear making shivers slip down my spine. "Go on, sweetheart. Show Stefan what a slutty pussy you have. Cum on my fingers." He commanded, his voice low and dark as both fingers moved withs supernatural speed.
My body rocked with his hand as Stefan's taste burst against my tongue and throat and his cry of relief broke through the tension of the air. I could feel myself shaking as I let go around Klaus's hand and swallowed Stefan's cum away, sucking the head for the last bit to come out.
My lips slipped off him, my cheek resting against his bare thigh as I panted and felt Klaus's fingers slowly circle my clit.
Klaus wrapped his arms around my midsection, pulling me back against his clothed chest. "That's my girl." He murmured, kissing my ear softly. "But that's enough. You're mine." He whispered, carrying me out of the hotel room, leaving Stefan a mess and bringing me up to the suite.
I was laid back down on my side, his body holding my down like usual. "I hated every second of that." He muttered, "Feeling how soaked you got from using that tongue on someone else." I whimpered in response and looked up at him as he shoved his belt off and tore the zipper straight off my jeans, letting his cock spring free.
I let out a cry when he pushed inside me in one fast thrust, a groan leaving him. "Klaus-" I gasped and he leant down to swallow my words. Our tongue tangled together before pulled away with a grunt and rocked his hips quickly.
"Tell me I taste better." He growled and I moaned.
"You do..." I whispered and he let out a puff of air.
"Say it."
"You taste better, better than Stefan- ah!" I cried out as he thrust particularly hard.
His hand was around my throat, keeping me down and at his mercy as his body moved in a frenzy against mine
I could feel his lack of control compared to usual, he was angry. It made him faster, his cockhead smacking into my spot repeatedly, so much so that It just felt as if he were rubbing right against it.
My pussy was weeping around him, wetting my thighs and the sheets below as I whimpered and moaned his name weakly.
His body collapsed into mine, his arms clinging to me tight as he nuzzled my throat and sucked a dark mark into the skin. His fangs pierced the skin but it didn't hurt much anymore.
We were rolled so I was on top of him, his cock still half hard and held between my walls.
"I love you." He murmured. "And I love all you do for me." In response I just tucked my head under his chin and let his hands guide my legs either side of his hips. "You're mine." He whispered and I smiled because I knew it.
#threes0me#stefan salvatore#stefan salvatore x reader#stefan salvatore smut#the originals#the vampire diaries#klaus mikaelson#klaus mikaelson x reader#klaus mikealson fanfiction#klaus mikaelson one shot#klaus mikaleson imagine#elijah mikaelson#rebekah mikaelson#the vampire diares imagine#kol mikaelson#niklaus imagines#tvd klaus#niklaus mikaelson#klaus m#klaus mikaelson x y/n#klaus michaelson#tvd universe#hope mikaelson#klaus mikaelson headcanon#klaus mikaelson fluff#klaus mikaelson yandere#klaus mikealson smut#klaus mikaelson x yn#klaus mikealson x reader
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Lipstick Stains - Pt. 26
previous chapter | series page
Larissa Weems x fem!reader
words: ~ 4.7k | ao3 link in title
A/N: after a little over a year and a half, we've reached the end of this fic - never did I ever think that that smutty one shot would turn into 26 chapters and over 90k words. thank you, deeply, for everyone who has stuck around til the very end, even when it sometimes took me ages to update. thank you to everyone who commented, sent me asks, inspired me to keep writing. I felt this was the most authentic way to end the fic - I hope you like it! and let me know if you want to see more of these two 🥰
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
You could sense Larissa tensing up beside you at the sound of the voice, her eyes widening as they fixated on the doorway behind you. Turning in confusion, your eyes landed on a woman clad all in black, with long dark hair and a sultry air about her. Though you’d never seen this woman before in your life, between her sense of style and Larissa’s reaction it wasn’t hard to deduce that you were now face-to-face with Morticia Addams. Your grip on Larissa’s hand tightened, your knuckles turning white.
Morticia began to glide towards the bed with unparalleled elegance, stopping only when she seemed to finally register your presence by Larissa’s side. Her gaze drifted down to your intertwined hands, lingering there for what seemed to be half an eternity. Her expression went from confusion to interest and, finally, as she met your own (definitely hostile) gaze, shifted to understanding.
“Wednesday told me you’d been seeing someone.” Morticia’s eyes were still on you, but her words were clearly directed at Larissa. “I assume this is her?”
“Y/N,” you said rather coldly, introducing yourself before Larissa could respond.
“It’s a pleasure,” Morticia replied, painted lips curling up into a smile that was as seductive as it appeared to be sincere.
“I wish I could say the same,” you growled under your breath. Morticia clearly heard you, but her smile never faltered.
“Darling…” Larissa whispered hoarsely, her voice cracking.
Morticia laughed, the sound melodic. “She’s feisty, I like her.”
You scowled, wrinkling your nose.
“What are you doing here?” Larissa’s expression showed confusion and annoyance in equal measure, and she was clearly trying her best to speak powerfully and clearly, though her voice faltered on the last syllable.
“Can’t I check on my best friend after she nearly dies?”
Larissa’s own grip on your hand tightened, and you squeezed back in a show of reassurance and solidarity. “We haven’t been best friends in decades.”
The smile dropped right off Morticia’s face and she crossed her arms, an uncomfortable silence shrouding the room. “I know,” she whispered finally. “And I know that’s mostly my fault. But when Wednesday told me what happened, I had to come see you.”
“Well, you’ve seen her,” you hissed. Morticia smiled a little sadly - she deserved it, you thought. You would never forget the way Larissa had spoken of the way Morticia had treated her, as though Larissa had meant nothing to her - as though Larissa wasn’t good enough for her. The memory alone made your blood boil, and you were certain your anger and contempt at Morticia were visible on your face.
“I’ve always cared about you, Larissa…” The way Larissa’s name rolled off Morticia’s tongue left a bitter taste in your mouth, and you bit your tongue in a desperate attempt not to snap at the dark-haired woman.
“You have a funny way of showing it,” Larissa croaked out.
“That may be true. But I do care all the same. I’m glad you’re recovering.”
You watched Larissa’s face carefully for her reaction - her emotions were at war with one another and she was, for once, too exhausted to try to mask it. She closed her eyes, leaning back against her pillows with a frown on her face, deep lines forming between her eyebrows.
“I appreciate you checking in on me,” Larissa said finally, sounding more resigned than anything as she attempted to remain diplomatic. She opened her eyes and pinned Morticia with a tired gaze. “I hope you’ll excuse me, I’d like to rest a bit more before I’m discharged tomorrow.”
It was an elegant way of kicking Morticia out, and the raven-haired woman seemed to have gotten the hint. She gave a curt nod and smiled graciously. “I’m sure our paths will cross again at Nevermore.”
Once she reached the doorway, Morticia turned back to face the two of you, looking at Larissa with a sort of soft fondness that you wouldn’t have expected from her. “She’ll take good care of you, this one.” Her gaze briefly flicked in your direction, not deterred by the frown on your face. Then she disappeared, closing the door gently behind her.
You turned back to Larissa to find her already watching you, her gaze soft and affectionate, her lips turned up into a smile that bordered on love-drunk - her expression so different than it had been with Morticia just moments ago. She laughed at the way you glowered at the door, her laugh turning into a slight cough.
“Don’t be jealous, darling…” she hummed shakily as her cough subsided.
“I’m not,” you said adamantly, though apparently not quite convincingly enough, for Larissa’s smile grew even wider.
“There’s not a single alternate universe where Morticia and I are right for each other, where I’m not irrevocably in love with you.”
Your heart skipped a beat and you pressed your forehead to Larissa’s. “I love you,” you whispered. “I’m not jealous, I just hate the way that Morticia makes you feel. I want you to be happy…”
Larissa cupped both of your cheeks and tilted your head, until your lips were a hair’s breadth away from her own and her eyes had to dart back and forth to be able to meet yours. “I am happy,” she said adamantly. “You make me feel special.”
“You are special, Larissa.”
Larissa’s lips brushed against your own, the kiss soft and tender. You had little privacy in the hospital room, but still you could feel every ounce of love Larissa had for you in the way that she kissed you, and you smiled against her lips.
~~~
“Darling?” Larissa asked somewhat hesitantly that evening, as you’d just come back into the room from going to the restroom. She wrung her hands in her lap and her mouth was turned into an apologetic frown, and you cocked your head to the side as you perched yourself at her bedside.
“Yeah? What’s wrong?”
“I’ve just realized I don’t have my car here. Would you be able to drive me back to Nevermore when I’m discharged in the morning?”
Your brows knit together in confusion - you’d already assumed that’s what you’d be doing. “Of course. I asked Cass to drop my car off here tonight, I left it at Nevermore.”
Larissa seemed taken by surprise at the matter-of-factness in your tone. Her lips curled into a tiny smile, though her brow was still furrowed. “Thank you,” she whispered.
“Larissa…” You bit the inside of your cheek as you considered your words carefully. “Have you thought about how you’re going to get by when you’re back at Nevermore? I mean, you might need help or something for a few weeks, you know, getting around and things…”
Larissa stayed silent for a moment, clearly contemplating. “I should be fine.”
You frowned at her stubbornness. “Okay… let me word that differently… I know you can take care of yourself, but I would feel better if you let me help you. If you want me to, that is…”
“I don’t want to burden you, darling,” Larissa said softly, running a hand through your hair - the intimate gesture felt so nice, and you leaned into her touch. “You have other things going on, you should focus on your studies.” Her smile was warm and affectionate but her gaze was a little sad, and you took her hand in yours and placed a kiss to her knuckles.
“You’re not a burden, Larissa. I want to help you recover, that’s what I’m here for. The semester is almost over anyway, aside from exams I wouldn’t really have to drive to Burlington much until after the holidays.”
You could practically see the cogs turning in Larissa’s brain, her brow furrowed as her eyes darted between your own - no doubt looking for some miniscule hint of insincerity or hesitance in your own gaze, which she certainly wouldn’t find. “Would you… be alright with staying at Nevermore for a little while, then?”
Larissa sounded almost shy, and you grinned and adopted a playful tone. “Larissa Weems, are you asking me to move in with you?”
Larissa’s cheeks grew red and she wrinkled her nose at your teasing. “Only if you’d like to…” she said after a moment, her tone soft and gentle. “You know there’s enough room for both of us.”
A feeling of absolute giddiness bubbled up inside of you - the circumstances might’ve been less than ideal but, regardless, the idea of living with Larissa was enough to make you swoon. Waking up every morning to her beautiful face on the pillow beside you, burrowing into her arms each night - your definition of heaven on earth.
“You know I’m not going to say no to that.” Your grin was so wide that it smoothed out the crease between Larissa’s brows, and she pulled her hand from between yours to cup the back of your neck and tug you in for a kiss.
~~~
Both you and Larissa were awake early the morning she was discharged, both of you too excited and too nervous to sleep. You pottered about the hospital room, packing your belongings up and gathering the flowers and cards to bring out to the car, while Larissa ate her breakfast, complaining about the food between each bite.
“I could cook something? We have to pass by my place on the way back to Nevermore anyway, I’ll just raid the fridge.”
Larissa snorted. “I’m sure your friends will appreciate that.”
“They’ll get over it,” you teased with a grin and a shrug. “I’ll be right back, I’m going to carry our stuff to the car.”
You filled your arms with as much as you could carry and brought everything out to your car, piling it in the trunk. It took you a while to navigate the halls of the hospital and when you finally returned to Larissa’s room, she looked frustrated and a bit down, playing with a bobby pin between her fingers, one singular curl pinned up against the back of her head.
“You okay?” you asked, worrying your bottom lip between your teeth as you approached her bedside.
“It hasn’t taken me this long to do my hair in over 30 years… holding my arms up is too tiring…”
“Can’t you shift?” You feared the answer, figuring if she could, she would - Larissa shook her head sadly.
“Too much effort to maintain.”
“Oh… what if I helped you?”
Larissa seemed a bit surprised at your suggestion, but her frown was quickly replaced with a soft smile and she scooted forward a bit so that you could crawl into her bed behind her and help her with her hair. She would separate her hair into sections and start to roll them up, stopping and letting you finish and pin them in place when her arms started to feel too heavy. After a moment’s rest, she would start on the next section, until each strand of hair was pinned up against her head. It took twice as long as it usually would have, and it looked more than amateurish, but it was better than nothing.
“How does it look from the back?” Larissa asked a little anxiously, and you laughed as you took a photo for her and handed her your phone.
“It could use some work, I’m sorry…”
Larissa chuckled, twisting around to cup your cheek and press her lips to yours. “It could be worse,” she murmured affectionately.
“You just have to get to your office and then you can take it down again,” you said with a laugh, silently wishing you were better at this kind of thing and vowing to learn for Larissa.
“Thank you…” You could tell by the light in Larissa’s eyes and the blush on her cheeks how much your help meant to her, and you grinned as you pulled her in for a slightly deeper kiss.
Larissa insisted on wearing a bit of makeup, not wanting to be caught in the halls of Nevermore without her signature red lip - you traced her lipstick along her lip, your stomach filling with butterflies at the intimacy of the action. You helped her dress, letting her lean on you and doing up the zip on the back of her dress, then waited patiently for her to sign some paperwork.
After what felt like hours, Larissa was finally discharged and the two of you were in your car, on your way to stop by your apartment. In spite of everything that had happened, you felt a lightness that you hadn’t felt since that night at Nevermore. Larissa was sitting next to you, not in a hospital bed but in your car. Her hair was up and her lips were painted and she wore a dress, not a hospital gown, and she moved her lips to the lyrics of the song playing on the radio, and you seemed to realize all at once that she would be okay.
~~~
Cass must’ve been waiting for you, because she was at your car window the second you pulled into your usual parking spot in front of your apartment. You rolled down the window and she crossed her arms and rested her forearms on the car, popping her head inside.
“There’s no way you decided to tell us you were moving out over text?” she exclaimed, but her lips were pulled into a wide grin, making it clear she wasn’t upset. Still, you blushed and glanced at Larissa, who suppressed a smile and looked down at her own lap.
“I’m sorry,” you said with a nervous chuckle, and Cass rolled her eyes.
“Don’t be, it’s not like we didn’t see it coming.”
Now even Larissa’s cheeks were slowly turning pink, and you shooed Cass away so that you could open the door and slip out of the car. Larissa made to open her own door but you insisted she stay in the car - you’d only be a minute anyway, grabbing the most important things - you could always stop by later in the week for more of your belongings.
You made a beeline straight for your room, grabbing the most essential items - some clothes, your laptop, some stuff for uni, your toiletries. With some extra room in your bag, you tossed in a few trinkets, your favorite books, some more art supplies, then stopped by the kitchen to raid the groceries your roommates had no doubt recently bought.
“You can’t stop by the store on your way through Jericho?”
Pausing in your rummaging through the fridge, you glanced sheepishly over your shoulder at Robin, who leaned in the doorway with a faint smirk on her face. It was clear your friends were happier to see you back to your old self than they were annoyed at the suddenness of your plans.
“I promise I’ll send you guys money for this week’s groceries?” you tried, and Robin laughed.
“Yeah, sure.” She paused, the smile slowly slipping off her face. “We’re gonna miss you, ya know?”
And wasn’t that strange to hear. After over two years of living together, it would certainly be weird to no longer call Robin, Cass, and Christin your roommates. You swallowed against the lump that had suddenly appeared in your throat, feeling oddly sentimental amid your excitement to live with Larissa.
“Who knows, I mean I might move back once Larissa’s recovered…”
Robin laughed, letting out a snort and raising an eyebrow, her usual easy grin lighting up her features. “You really think so?”
“Well…” You could feel your own lips spread into a smile. “No, probably not.”
Pushing herself off the doorframe, Robin crossed the room and pulled you into a brief but tight hug. “Don’t forget about movie night on Sunday. Just because you don’t live here anymore, doesn’t mean you’re getting out of it.”
“I wouldn’t dream of missing it,” you chuckled, squeezing her tightly.
When you made it back out to your car with all your bags, Cass still had her head poked through the car window and was talking animatedly to Larissa. You shooed your best friend away from the car, then gave her a brief hug, promising to invite her over soon - she waited in the parking lot as you pulled out onto the street, her waving form shrinking in the rearview mirror until you rounded a corner and left her behind.
As you drove down the winding road through the dense forest separating Burlington from Jericho and, beyond that, from Nevermore, it slowly began to sink in that you had Larissa back. Finally, after weeks of anxiety, overthinking, worrying - finally - you were sitting side by side, driving down familiar roads, safe in the knowledge that everything was going to be alright.
“Cassandra was quite shocked that I recovered so quickly,” Larissa mused, her lips quirked into a half-smile as she stole a glance at you. “Actually, how did she put it? ‘I almost didn’t think you’d make it.’”
You cringed at your former roommate’s bluntness. “Ouch… sorry about her, I know she didn’t mean it in a bad way.”
“I know… you haven’t told her that I’m a shapeshifter, have you?”
“No.” You shook your head. You expected Larissa to continue speaking, but a silence enveloped the car instead. Glancing over at the shapeshifter, she was looking out the window, appearing deep in thought. “I mean I don’t think she’d mind… I just didn’t think you’d want anyone to know unless you told them,” you added, the silence making you a bit nervous.
“No… you’re right…”
“You know, it’s actually pretty cool, if you think about it,” you started, and Larissa glanced curiously in your direction again. “Being a shapeshifter kind of saved you - I mean how many other people’s organs can just shift to regenerate that quickly? If you weren’t a shapeshifter, we might not be sitting here right now.”
Larissa let out an audible breath through her nose. “I suppose that’s true…” Out of the corner of your eye you could see her turn in her seat, leaning the side of her head against the headrest so that she could face you. The smile on her lips grew a bit. “I suppose being a shapeshifter has its upsides, doesn’t it?”
“I can think of a few more upsides,” you quipped with a smirk, purposely lowering your voice an octave, and turning to look at Larissa just in time to see her cheeks flush a deep, gorgeous pink.
~~~
Arriving at Nevermore, you and Larissa were hounded by students as you tried to carry your belongings to her quarters. Your saving grace ended up being a protective Enid and a reluctant Wednesday, who told off their fellow students and made them give Larissa space - enough for the two of you to reach her office and lock yourselves inside.
“They’d be lost without you here,” you remarked casually as you dragged a duffle bag of your things towards the door to Larissa’s quarters - with your back turned, you missed the way Larissa paused and shifted away a blush, before hurrying after you.
The walk from the car to her quarters was enough to thoroughly exhaust Larissa. Though she was a shapeshifter and was likely to regenerate and recover quicker, she’d still lost a lot of muscle tone in the coma, and so (much to her chagrin) you had her settle on the bed while you hung your clothes up in the closet.
“Hey, Riss? Where can I put this?” you asked as you pulled a handful of paints out of your bag.
Larissa looked around the room - with the hospital stay and the short notice, of course she hadn’t yet been able to consider where you would actually put any of your belongings, and she tilted her head in thought. “There should be some space in the bottom drawer,” she said, pointing to a dresser against the wall. “We can clear up a better space later.”
You crawled over to the dresser from where you were sitting, opening the drawer. It was mostly empty aside from some extra linens, which Larissa instructed you to place in the closet, and a large, heavy photo album. You took hold of the leatherbound album and glanced imploringly at Larissa - she gestured with her hand, inviting you to pick it up.
Opening the front cover, it dawned on you that this was a family album - right on the front page, there was a black and white photograph of a woman in a hospital bed, holding a newborn baby. “Is this you?”
Larissa smiled. “Yes. Come here.” She patted the space on the bed beside her and you settled next to her with the album open on your lap. Larissa wrapped her arm around your shoulders and kissed your temple, before turning the page to another baby photo - in this one, both mother and father were present, baby wrapped in a quilted blanket and snuggled tight against father’s chest as they stood in the entryway of what appeared to be a large house.
“My parents,” Larissa supplied, though you didn’t need the confirmation - the man was tall, with Larissa’s shoulders, Larissa’s nose; the woman’s light hair and soft features had clearly been passed straight onto her daughter.
You flipped through page after page, photo after photo, of a young Larissa and her family and friends. Larissa at 2 on some rocky beach, in the arms of her grandmother, of whom both she and her mother were the spitting image. Larissa at 5 in a leotard and tights, sitting on the floor of a ballet studio and grinning up at the camera, with one front tooth missing. Larissa at 8 in her Sunday best, standing in front of a church, her father’s hand on her shoulder and her mother standing just off to the side. Larissa at 9 on horseback. Larissa at 11 with her arm around a friend’s shoulder. Larissa at 13 in front of the gates of Nevermore. A few shots of Larissa’s parents, of her grandmother, of an uncle on her father’s side. Of Larissa at Nevermore with other students, or with family on school breaks.
The more photos the two of you flipped through, the more Larissa seemed to lose herself in thought. Finally, her mood unnerved you enough for you to utter a quiet, “we don’t have to do this, you know. If it’s upsetting you.”
Larissa shook her head, a soft smile on her face, though the crease between her brows was deep and pronounced. “I’m alright, darling… I’d just forgotten this was here, that’s all.”
You knew that wasn’t all but, not wanting to pry, you kept your mouth shut. Instead, you leaned your head against Larissa’s shoulder and pushed the photo album off your lap, closing your eyes and letting Larissa process in silence - a silence that stretched so long that her next words startled you.
“I think you’d like my father.”
You raised your head in confusion, remembering what Larissa had told you about her parents. “Would I?”
That comment made Larissa chuckle. “Yes, I think you would. I think he’d like you, too.”
“Do you still talk to him?”
“Not in a few years… the last time my parents called, I had a girlfriend over. My mother heard her speak in the background and it caused an argument. My father reached out the next day but I remembered that I’m grown up and don’t have to tolerate that sort of behavior anymore… I changed my phone number that same day.”
Not knowing what to say and knowing you were treading on unknown terrain, you nodded along, watching Larissa’s expression carefully as it shifted between remorse, annoyance, wistfulness, and humor. Larissa carried on after another moment’s silence.
“Maybe it’s time I called him...” The shapeshifter’s expression was resolute, and she shifted her gaze from her lap to your face, a soft smile playing on her lips when she saw your eyes widen at her conclusion. “I think he’d be pleased to know I’ve found you… and it would anger my dear mother greatly.” Larissa’s eyes danced with mirth and it made you smile.
“There’s nothing I love more than pissing off homophobes,” you teased, drawing a laugh from deep within Larissa’s chest and making her pull you even closer to press her lips to your temple.
“That can wait, darling… First, I’d like you all to myself for a few days…”
~~~
As afternoon faded to evening, you moved from the bedroom to the kitchen, enjoying the blissful haze of each other’s presence as you prepared dinner. With the long hospital stay behind you and the heavy conversation about Larissa’s family long forgotten, you laughed and bantered as you had in the weeks prior to the incident - there was no Morticia to bring you down, no Wednesday to distract you, no monster to keep you on your toes, not even roommates to interrupt you. Even work was on hold before Larissa could meet with the school board to discuss her return to work. It was just you and Larissa, in the quarters that you now shared, partaking in the simple, domestic act of cooking together - which meant that you were dutifully watching over the salmon in the pan to make sure it cooked evenly, while Larissa sat at the table with her legs crossed, nursing a glass of red wine and smiling fondly at you.
It reminded you so much of the first time that you cooked for Larissa, just after the Rave’N, when you’d desperately wanted to make up for that disastrous evening. How happy you were back then to simply cook for Larissa - and now, you were getting the chance again.
After dinner, you insisted Larissa join you in the living room to continue the evening listening to music. You lowered the tonearm onto the record, then turned to find Larissa watching you with a faint blush dusting her cheeks. The opening notes to “Unforgettable” by Nat King Cole began to play, a song you’d come to associate with your girlfriend. You stepped towards the sofa and stopped in front of Larissa, placing your hands on her shoulders and lowering yourself slowly to straddle her lap. Her hands immediately found your waist, pulling you down and holding you in place, fingers flexing against you, savoring the feeling of holding you.
“Sweet girl,” Larissa cooed with a soft, affectionate smile, running her hands from your hips to the tops of your thighs, then back again, seeming to marvel at being able to feel you beneath her palms again. You closed your eyes, resting your forehead against Larissa’s and humming the melody of the song.
“Darling?” Larissa asked softly, her warm breath tickling your face, and you pulled back just enough to meet her gaze, silently urging her to ask whatever she wanted to ask you. “You said something about spending Christmas at the beach?”
You were taken aback by her question, your brow furrowing as you racked your brain to figure out what she was talking about.
“In the hospital,” she clarified quickly, and suddenly you remembered having spoken to her about going away for Christmas while she was in the coma. You smiled, pleased that she had heard and remembered that, and nodded. “Is that something you were serious about?”
Your smile widened. “Yeah, dead serious.”
“Well, perhaps we should look into flights then…” A smirk was slowly creeping onto Larissa’s face, and her hands slid from your waist to the swell of your ass, tugging you just an inch closer so that your front was completely flush with hers. You felt your grin would split your face in two and you eagerly bobbed your head ‘yes’.
The prospect of spending the holidays with Larissa seemed almost too good to be true. Just over a week ago, you weren’t entirely sure she’d make it to Christmas at all, and now you were sitting on her lap, with her warm body fitted snugly against your own, making plans for the future. Happiness bloomed within you and you cupped Larissa’s cheeks, your eyes dancing between her own. Your lips mouthed the lyrics of the song playing, and her own lips curled into the most adoring of smiles in response.
That's why darling, it's incredible That someone so unforgettable Thinks that I am unforgettable too
x
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#larissa weems x reader#larissa weems#lipstick stains#lipstick stains series#larissa x reader#principal weems#principal weems x reader
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Agatha All Along deep dive: episode 4 part 4
(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])
(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1][2][3][4] ep3 [1][2][3] ep4 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7])
agatha once again protecting billy with her whole body.
"I didn't think it was real! I thought it was me, that it's my fault that I can't keep a job, that everything I touch turns to shit! That I couldn't save her!"
The poison drips through (yes I love Succession). Generational curse, generational trauma. The pain of who knows how many centuries of parents and grandparents and great-grandparents times a thousand. It's like a boulder that you're carrying around on your shoulders, and you can't see it and you can't put a name to it, how could you? How can you possibly know why your mother drank herself stupid, why your grandmother abused her children? You were born yesterday and drank all that poison without knowing what it was, you let it take it over and you walk around spreading it to the world.
And amidst all the pain, alice only ever chose to blame and hurt herself and she was always gentle to others. her biggest regret is not having been able to save her mom! you know why alice never turned into a villain like agatha? because her mom loved her. as simple and as that. lorna was so ill-equipped to save alice, she didn't know what she was up against, she was in a world of pain herself. and she went above and beyond to show her child how infinitely precious and loved she was.
oh wow, I usually say I'm crying as a figure of speech, but I am crying for real thinking about this.
lilia who has lived so long and experienced her big share of suffering, knowing all too well what alice is going through. there's so much compassion in her voice
jen stubbornly refusing to care about anything but her own pain, which is actually a very human way to respond to trauma? it's like she's at a crossroads and it's up to her to choose whether she goes back to being the force of good she used to be, or whether she goes down agatha's same path. I say it's up to her because it ultimately is, but she was so lucky finding this coven and community at such a crucial moment. agatha didn't have any of it.
no! don't apologize, you beautiful, generous soul! the sense of guilt and inferiority complex is real
agatha's face when billy is attacked
she starts running toward him even before alice
but when she gets there she freezes and lets alice go check on him
when she sees he's fine, she sighs and collapses against the door, clutching her chest.
lilia is really starting to get attached to everyone, and throughout her life love and loss have always been inherently linked. she already knows she's going to lose them.
okay jen refusing to leave the circle is still funny, I'll give her that
through all this rio has been watching and studying agatha, she always does. she knows that her diabolically smart wife loves to be in charge and come up with plans. she's being encouraging!
look at how small alice is! she's been helping and consoling billy just a moment ago, despite being miserable herself.
first of all, that's hilarious, so jot that down. second of all, you know agatha is so relieved she has to put on a show instead of doing something icky like, idk, sitting in a circle and talking about their feelings. and look at rio at the drums, she's already put all the clues together as well
oooh, she's doing the thing! she's detectiving! agatha harkness ladies and gentlemen, her hobbies are women, murder and puzzles.
and who gives her the solution? who has had millennia to study and commiserate human love and grief? she says it and she looks at agatha so pointedly.
The song that's so irrevocably linked to Nicky's memory, the song that she's been desecrating and using as a means to kill. A mother took it and poured all her love into it and made it pure again. Agatha has to live with that now, and you know that's going to take root inside her and affect her no matter what
this whole performance is patti going I might be singing backup again but watch me be a total diva about it
I LOVE YOU PATTI LUPONE
you'd think that alice should sing lead vocals here, seeing as it's her trial and her mom's song and all. WELL THINK AGAIN
the massive ego agatha has, honestly. you gotta respect that.
the feeling when you are the only normal person in a group of total hooligans. did I already say how gorgeous sasheer looks in that outfit? no I didn't. you are an apparition, sasheer.
but I want the song to have its own separate entry so hold on tight, brb
go to episode 4 part 5
#agatha all along#agatha harkness#agatha deep dive#alice wu gulliver#jennifer kale#lilia calderu#character study
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Separation Trial
@beef-brisket @things-arent-what-they-seem66
Adam tapped his fingers against the table in a distracted manner. He had been there at the restaurant for a while now. Waiting for his...waiting for Lucifer. He needed to talk with Lucifer, he wanted to talk to him at home about it, in private. However, when he asked about meeting him, Lucifer simply nodded his head and said they could meet at this restaurant.
He didn't even take Adam’s idea at eating at home into consideration. Although the place Adam sat currently was upscale and nice it wasn’t what he wanted to do. This wasn’t where he wanted to have…the conversation. He sighed to himself as he saw Lucifer approach. He barely even said hello before Lucifer kissed him on the cheek before seating himself.
Lucifer: Hello my dearest, what’s going on? Why’d you want to talk at a restaurant? You know we could have talked over the phone. You made it sound so urgent.
Adam took a moment to keep his anger in check. Once again Lucifer wasn’t listening.
Adam: What I wanted to talk to you about couldn’t be said over the phone. It had to be in person. Lucifer we have been married for three whole years now.
Lucifer: Yeah I know, last week was our anniversary. Don’t you remember Addie?
Adam felt his breath hitch and he struggled to not cry then and there. Their third anniversary had been a disaster, he didn’t want to go into it. But Adam had would forever hate that day. It was what made him bring this meeting with Lucifer.
Adam: I do remember, and so should you.
Lucifer: But I literally just said that I
Adam: No, I’m talking about what happened that day. Can you please tell me what happened?
Lucifer was nervous at his husband’s harsh tone but answered him.
Lucifer: Well, I do remember that both of us were so busy, I with handling a fortis problem, then Charlie called and she needed some help with the hotel, and I didn’t get back till late at night. Oh and you had that concert of yours, by the way how was it? I don’t think I asked before.
Adam felt his eye twitch.
Adam: It was not JUST a concert Lucifer.
Lucifer: …Did something happen at the concert?
Adam: More like what didn’t happen.
Lucifer: Did no one applaud you? Were they booing you? Honey don’t worry your a great singer, you’ll bounce back.
Adam: No, there were no applause nor cheers. Because my audience wasn’t there.
Lucifer: Oh, Adam I’m so sorry.
Adam: You weren’t there Lucifer.
Lucifer: What?
Adam: You were not at my concert Lucifer, You were supposed to be there. Because you were meant to be my audience. Because that concert was going to be dedicated to you! It was supposed to be my wedding anniversary present to you!
Lucifer: But, but, but it’s not my fault if you don’t tell me in advance!
Adam: Lucifer I told you weeks prior about it. And you always said that you’d be there. But of course you lied.
Lucifer: I didn’t lie! Shit came up Adam this isn’t my fault. If anything you should have told me before I left that day! On top of that what did you expect me to do? Not do my duty as king. Tell the goetia to handle it themselves!? Say no to my own daughter, your own daughter, I shouldn’t have helped her at all?! Geez you can be selfish sometimes.
Adam’s eyes widened at that statement. He was shocked to his seat still. Then slowly he nodded his head in understanding. He was an idiot for ever even considering giving Lucifer a second chance. Taking a deep breath, Adam looked directly into Lucifer’s yellow, red eyes and said,
Adam: Lucifer, I want a divorce
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you know what's timebomb coded? the entire home video album by lucy dacus released in 2021. (s2 act 3 spoilers ahead)
"you used to be so sweet, now you're a firecracker on a crowded street" -> from powder being a major sweetheart to jinx being (lovingly and not so lovingly) a pain in the ass that annoys everyone (and also literally carrying explosives around) | "led me to the floor even though i'm not a dancer" -> literally them dancing in ep7 | "how did i believe i had a hold on you? you were always stronger than people suspected, underestimated and overprotected" -> GUYS THIS IS LITERALLY EKKO TALKING ABOUT POWDER ISTG !!! "a hidden gem, my own goldmine, you had the wide and wild eyes" -> jinx eyes changing color and all "NOW YOU'RE THE BIGGEST BRIGHTEST FLAME, YOU ARE A FIRE THAT CAN'T BE TAMED, YOU'RE BETTER THAN EVER, BUT I KNEW YOU WHEN IT'S BITTERSWEET TO SEE YOU AGAIN" -> GUYS IS THIS NOT EXACTLY EKKO'S FEELINGS ABOUT JINX COME ON GUYS
the entire "first time" is peak "can we pretend like it's the first time?" | "YOU CAN'T FEEL IT FOR THE FIRST TIME A SECOND TIME" , "and how will i know if history repeats itself? how will I know when it's gonna come back around? how will i know? has my face changed, baby? how will I know?" this ekko after breaking free from the perfect dimension guys ,,, guys..
cartwheel guys. cartwheel. "FIREFLY juice on your skin / you're glowing like an ATOM BOMB" it's them it's them it's so them | "this natural thing that you've undone / outgrew older sister's clothes again / won't admit you're growing tall and thin" ekko watching her turn from powder to jinx from afar,,, | "i thought back to many years ago: a late-night promise on the telephone, we'd build a house of twigs and vines, grow old together just to pass the time // now there's only past and present day, i can't believe a word you say" EKKO WATCHING HER TURN EVIL FROM AFAR GUYS !!! WHILE STILL KEEPING FEELINGS !!!
thumbs it's ekko thinking about what silco has done to her. "i would kill him if you let me, i would kill him quick and easy, your nails are digging into my knee, i don't know how you keep smiling" / "you've been in his fist ever since you were a kid, but you don't owe him shit even if he said you did"
please stay. please stay is literally canon because he literally had to stop her from killing herself a good 5 times. "change your name, change your mind, change your ways, give them time [...] call me if you need a friend or never talk to me again, but please stay" like pleaseeee
and triple dog dare,,, "you're dancing in the aisle 'cause the radio Is singing you a song you know and the kid at the counter is gawking at your grace / i can tell what he's thinking by the look on his face, it's not his fault, I'm sure i look the same / it's what you do, but it's not you i blame" EP 7 TIMEBOMB GUYS | "you know i'll be seeking if you run and hide, if the door were to open, would you walk through the frame? if you're too afraid, it won't be you i blame" that's ekko trying to save her at some point | "i want you to tell me that you miss me, want you to hold and hurt and kiss me [...] it's a triple dog dare, you're a chicken if you don't" -> no explanation needed. | "i can fish for our food and you know how to start a flame, if you don't get out now, you'll only have yourself to blame" this is what he sounded like when he tried to save her from silco (bc i know he tried guys) "You said 'you have me there, if it's a triple dog dare'" bc tell me she is not the kind of person to do anything if it's a challenge. | "they put our faces on the milk jugs, missing children 'til they gave up [...] can't find the feeling of relief, nothing worse could happen now" -> ekko literally putting her face on the missing/dead poster, ekko disappearing in s2, jinx fleeing (she did not die guys trust me),,,
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Charred Legacy: Chapter Thirty-Four
(AO3 counterpart here.)
It was a miserable load to bear, and every step closer to home took increasing effort. Somehow, Fireheart reflected as he stood outside the barrier of camp, he would have preferred staying in the woods where the dogs could find him.
He led Ravenwing through the tunnel and into the clearing, opening onto a sorry sight. Frostfur and her children sat in a circle, ringed around Brightpaw below the meeting stump. Their heads hung low and they whispered to each other, completely unaware of the newcomers. The elders and seers sat together with Bluestar, trying to keep her occupied with conversation while her head roamed aimlessly back and forth. Goldenflower was crouched beside Cloudpaw and Aspenpaw, the pair of apprentices huddled into each other, cheeks pressed together as Aspenpaw trembled miserably and Cloudpaw stared distantly at nothing, his eyes somehow drained of color.
The warrior toms quietly set Ashpaw’s remains down about a body’s length away from Brightpaw, just as Goldenflower noticed them and whispered something to Aspenpaw. Her head shot up and she stared at her brother’s halves for a stunned moment before letting out an incoherent scream of grief and scrambling to her feet, rushing to him.
“Ashpaw!” she cried, circling his head and pawing at him like he was going to wake up fine before collapsing and clawing at her own face and ears. “Oh, I’m so sorry– stars, I’m such an idiot, why didn’t I say anything, this is my fault—”
“Easy,” Fireheart said softly, using a careful paw to pull her claws off her head. “It’s not your fault.”
“It’s all my fault!” she wailed. “I should’ve told someone and now– and now he’s dead and Brightpaw’s dying and—”
She broke herself off with an agonized whimper and buried her nose in her paws. Goldenflower caught up to her and started grooming her neck and head, purring soothingly.
Cloudpaw, Fireheart noticed, had not moved. All he had done was slightly turn his head forward. He still had that faded, shaken look in his eyes. Even his fur was perfectly still.
“I’m sorry,” Fireheart said to Aspenpaw. He bumped his head on Goldenflower’s cheek, which she returned, before walking to his nephew. He said nothing, just crouched beside him and mimicked Goldenflower, though he couldn’t bring himself to purr. Cloudpaw said nothing, but he did relax a tiny bit.
The other search parties returned together some time later, all with gasps and shouts of shock. Fireheart reported his group’s findings to Speckletail without really paying attention to what he was saying. He must’ve made sense, because Speckletail simply nodded unhappily and went to check on the elders and Bluestar.
“Poor things,” Willowpelt murmured, resting a paw on Ashpaw’s neck. She almost wobbled, a bit queasy, before looking at Fireheart. “Where’s Swifttail?”
“Greystripe and Mousefur are looking for him,” he replied dully.
“Mousefur must be in agony right now about Brightpaw.” Teaselfoot shivered, his face deeply troubled. As Darkstripe stalked past him, he added to the older warrior, “I’m sorry about your apprentice, too. I can’t imagine—”
“Doesn’t matter,” Darkstripe said shortly. “He was an idiot; it couldn’t be helped.”
The entire camp went silent and every eye turned to Darkstripe. Cloudpaw’s hairs slowly rose along his back, the first movement since Fireheart had sat with him.
“Excuse me?” Goldenflower growled.
“What?” Darkstripe gave her an incredulous look. “He ran out to fight an entire pack of dogs. That’s the stupidest thing a cat could do. He walked right into his death.”
“How can you talk about your own apprentice like that?!” Cinderpaw shouted, standing up and lashing her tail. “He was your responsibility!”
“It’s not my fault the little idiot got such a dumb idea in his head.” Darkstripe rolled his eyes at the increasingly furious faces around him, unaware that Aspenpaw had gotten up and was moving towards him. “And after his mother died the same way, you’d think—”
He cut himself off with a sharp, high yelp as a delicate grey paw slashed across his face. An impressively-sized spray of blood flung itself to the right and splashed the snow and sand with red. Darkstripe tumbled backwards, a paw clutching at his face and over his left eye as blood seeped out of several deep scratches. Fireheart stood up in alarm, just in time to grab Cloudpaw by the scruff as the apprentice tried to launch himself forward with a snarl. Darkstripe howled in anger and pain, falling onto his haunches and pawing at his wounds.
Aspenpaw stood quietly, shaking with rage down to the tip of her tail. No one shouted at her or got up to pull her away.
“Speckletail!” Darkstripe shrieked, using his uncovered eye to glare at the deputy. “Control your apprentice! She got my eye! I can’t see!”
Speckletail calmly lifted her tail over her back. “And hopefully you won’t be seeing out of that eye for a few days. If you’re going to say such horrible things about the cat you should have been taking care of, you can go to the warrior’s den and stay there for the rest of the night.”
Darkstripe stared at her. “Are you seriously not going to punish—”
“No,” Speckletail said. “I’m not. Go.”
Cloudpaw stopped struggling in Fireheart’s grip, shaking as hard as his sister. With every witness there, Darkstripe had no choice but to obey, storming into the warrior’s den with a hiss. A single bloody footprint from the paw he’d held to his face darkened the snow on the way to the den.
“Absolute slitprick,” Sandstorm growled. “He should be kicked out of camp for that.”
Speckletail sighed. “Unfortunately, being a slitprick isn’t a criminal offense, just a personal one. He’ll have to do worse to earn isolation.”
“I can probably get him to.” Sandstorm’s claws glinted in what dim light was over camp. “Bring him back out here, we’ll have him in the woods alone in a heartbeat.”
“We won’t be doing that,” Speckletail said, with a look in her eye like she very much wanted to. She shook out her fur and approached her apprentice, her voice turning gentle. “You okay, little dove?”
Aspenpaw, still trembling, took in a very deep breath. She copied her mentor’s shake and looked up at her. “I’ll live.”
Speckletail didn’t speak, but she touched her nose to Aspenpaw’s forehead. The apprentice’s fur smoothed out a little.
“Is anyone home?” a familiar voice called through the tunnel.
Immediately, attention turned and Speckletail left her apprentice’s side to hurry to the entrance. “Yes, we’re all back. Is that you, Mousefur?”
A dusky brown head popped into camp with a soft, “Unfortunately.”
She emerged completely, followed by Greystripe. He was lugging a broken black body over his back, the head dangling from an overstretched neck as his own hung morosely.
Cinderpaw and Willowpelt cried out in unison, followed by Lizardtail, rushing to Greystripe and Mousefur as the pair carefully set Swifttail’s corpse down close to Ashpaw’s. His coat was torn here and there, but hardly, like the dogs had been content to snap his neck and leave him to die. The tail was broken as well, right in the middle, and one paw had dark, short fur sticking to its claws.
“He wasn’t far from where we left you,” Greystripe explained sadly to Fireheart and Ravenwing as they approached. “They must have caught him out there. The snow covered up the pawprints, mostly, but we think they headed off towards the Houses.”
Speckletail grit her teeth and sighed, head down for a moment before she looked at Ravenwing. “Do you think he died with the apprentices?”
Ravenwing, to his credit, reacted quickly. His eyes flickered a bit side-to-side as he thought before he answered. “I would hazard a guess that he found the apprentices and the dogs were still there. He might have run to escape them, but they caught him.”
“That would make sense.” Speckletail nodded wearily. “He must not have thought to climb a tree.”
“I don’t know…” Ravenwing pointed to his broken tail. “He might’ve started up one and they dragged him back down. That burnt bark falls off so quickly, he could have slipped on his way up.”
By this time, the Clan was slowly gathering around the different bodies, some whispering something to them, some just touching them and shutting their eyes in prayer.
“Three dead in one night…” Dustpelt murmured with a shiver.
“Brightpaw’s still breathing,” Frostfur said sharply. “She’s alive. She’ll make it.”
“I hope so, too,” Dustpelt said carefully. “It’s just, she’s very battered—”
“She’ll make it,” Frostfur growled.
That was the end of the conversation. Cats now simply went up to Brightpaw’s brothers and expressed sympathy and hopes that she would live before returning to Ashpaw and Swifttail.
Slowly, after the majority of the grievers had stepped away, Bluestar stood up and tottered over to the dead toms. She stared down at them blankly, hardly able to stand straight.
“At least Swifttail died with his name,” Cinderpaw choked, Yellowfang leaning against her on one side and her mother on the other. “But Ashpaw, he’ll never…”
“Fear not for him, girl,” Yellowfang said in a rare soothing tone. “They will name him in StarClan.”
Willowpelt looked over Cinderpaw’s head and blinked at the old cat gratefully, asking, “Can you see if Swifttail’s made it there yet?”
Yellowfang sat up, head turned skyward with her buggy eyes squeezed shut. After a moment, she opened them again and looked back at Willowpelt. “If he is not there now, he will be shortly. His soul does not cling to his body.” Her gaze went to Aspenpaw and Cloudpaw. “Mayhaps he waits for his friend to join him.”
“We…” Cinderpaw swallowed thickly. “We can seek them out in our dreams. Make sure they’re okay.”
Yellowfang rested what little chin she had on her apprentice’s head. “When it is time.”
Lizardtail, with his forehead braced against his apprentice’s shoulder, shuddered. Fireheart couldn’t see his face, but he knew exactly what he was thinking. Not that it was hard to guess.
As Bluestar wobbled enough to scuff the snow with a paw to stay standing, Cinderpaw looked to her. “Well… Brightpaw… in case she– in case she doesn’t make it… can’t we give her a name ourselves?”
Frostfur jolted, but looked up at Bluestar with a mix of hope and dread.
Bluestar gave Cinderpaw a delayed, puzzled expression. “She isn’t old enough to be a warrior.” She turned to Speckletail. “Is she?”
“Er…” Speckletail cleared her throat. “No, but we can make an exception for her…”
Bluestar shook her head slightly. “We can’t do that.”
“Bluestar, she’s dying,” Cinderpaw protested, standing up and nearly knocking Yellowfang away. “She deserves a name. You made Ashpaw an apprentice too early—can’t you make an exception for Brightpaw, too?”
A horribly tense silence fell over camp. Fireheart’s belly was colder than the snow around him.
Bluestar blinked dumbly and shook her head again. “No, no, she must be old enough. We can’t send her into battle like this.”
“We won’t be sending her into battle at all!” Frostfur leaped to her feet, bristling. “Look at her! She’s missing an eye! She’s shredded from nose to tail-tip!”
Bluestar spoke on like Frostfur hadn’t said anything. “She’ll stay an apprentice for now. She needs to finish training before she gets her name. Of course she does.”
The silence again, even worse than before, punctuated by Frostfur’s hissing, harsh breath between clenched teeth. Bluestar ambled past the shocked crowd.
“I will be in my den,” she said, calm and casual. “Speak to me if…”
She left camp alone, walking like she was in a dream.
Everyone stared at each other, horror and grief and anger swirling through their faces. Even Speckletail looked a little lost.
Eventually, she turned to Frostfur and murmured, “We’ll see how she does tonight. If she starts to… to go, I can take authority and name her.”
Still through gritted teeth, Frostfur growled, “You should have taken that months ago.”
Speckletail did not respond, but her eyes turned mournful. She stepped away and started for the camp entrance, saying, “I’ll make sure she doesn’t wander off.”
The Clan slowly started speaking again, in whispers and mutterings. Not a few angry glances were tossed in the direction of the warrior’s den. Fireheart took the opportunity to approach Yellowfang, who caught sight of him quickly and stood, meeting him halfway.
“Are you alright?” he asked immediately.
Yellowfang gave him narrowed eyes, dry but serious. “I worry more for the girl. Her friend and her brother lay in their own blood tonight.”
“Can…” Fireheart glanced at Frostfur and her family. “Can you see if Brightpaw will survive?”
A small harrumph, but Yellowfang did follow his line of sight, gazing at them a long moment before turning back. “I know that not. But experience tells me she has a chance. Others have survived worse in my time. Lost tails, lost fights when outnumbered…” Her face turned solemn. “Even lost minds.”
A spark of hope lit Fireheart’s chest for just a heartbeat. “Then… is it possible Bluestar will recover?”
That hope died the instant Yellowfang’s expression went in that unusual kind way. Her gravely voice softened to something chalkier. “There is nothing that will fix her, boy. Naught but the journey to StarClan we all take in time. We can only care for her until that day comes.” She hesitated for a moment, only as long as it took to keep Fireheart’s eyes on hers. “You have done all you can, as have the deputy and her nephew. I see you wanting to hope for a miracle. There will be none, and that is not your fault.”
Fireheart resisted the urge to wail, opting to hang his head instead. After a pause, a small, longhaired paw landed on his shoulder, prompting him to look up weakly again.
“Mourn her as you like,” Yellowfang said gently. “But swallow that truth.”
Fireheart said nothing. He just lifted his head again with a wavering sigh.
Yellowfang stayed with him, her eyes now turned to her apprentice. Almost under her breath, she muttered, “She speaks true… perhaps it is time for her to earn her name, too.” She made a rocky noise in her throat. “When it is safe to make that journey.”
Forcing himself to speak, Fireheart asked in a pathetic attempt at a warm voice, “Do you have her suffix picked out already?”
“That I do.” Yellowfang stuck out her jaw. “She’ll be fond of it. If she cares not to change her name entirely, as she did when she was hurt.”
Fireheart nodded unenthusiastically. “Well… whatever name she gets, I’m sure it’ll be great.”
Yellowfang tilted her head at him, scanning his face. For once in his life, he strongly wanted to look away. Whatever she was thinking, she didn’t say it, only went back to watching her apprentice limp over to Brightpaw and her brothers, where Brackenpaw scooted out of the way to let Cinderpaw nose the unconscious apprentice and start quietly praying over her.
Some very bitter part of Fireheart, a small voice, snipped, Like prayer’s going to do anything. If it can’t fix Bluestar, it won’t fix Brightpaw.
Shut up, Fireheart thought back, the briefest flare of anger in his chest at his own mind.
The bitterness went silent, but it clung on to his stomach, churning his guts and making him shrink in on himself a little.
…Just shut up, he thought again.
It didn’t help this time.
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OMG! I WAS LOOKING THROUGH UR BLOG CUZ MY HETALIA PHASE IS BACK AND WAS LIKE "I LOVE THIS WRITER SM WHERE ARE THEY" AND BOOM!
So request, if that's okay, the main 8 with a reader who cries during confrontations and or arguments. An imagine where ofc the main 8 says something hurtful and reader just covers their ears because 1.) Ears do be sensitive and 2.) It causes them to shut down completely
Can we know how they'd handle it plus how it'd go? Ty 💜
hetalia main 8 saying something they regret in an argument
2.8k words ~ gender neutral headcanons
tw: they say hurtful things, and are kind of assholes in general lol
America - Alfred F. Jones
“I’m better than this. Why’d I keep someone as seriously uncool as you around?!”
Even as you immediately begin turning away from him, curling into yourself for comfort, Alfred would be less than sympathetic. If you’d ever doubted how self-centred he could be, this was more than enough evidence to prove it.
“What? What- just- don’t do that! You’re the one who started this!”
It’s unlikely he’d let up even after the tears start. He’s really that callous when he feels hurt. After a few tense minutes of silence broken only by your quiet whimpering, he’d start tearing up too. Not from guilt, seeing how much he hurt you. But instead from how he’s only now realizing he has to put his own feelings aside to take care of yours.
He’d approach you like a rabid animal, a lump stuck in his throat as he tries to say anything to get you talking again.
“Listen, it’s uh- not that serious. I’m sorry, ok? Let’s just… like- do something else?”
His comforting consists mostly of trying to get you out of your own head. Once it’s been long enough that you’re less scared, he’d take your hands away from your ears gently and kiss your cheek. If you’re sensitive to other things, he’d wrap his jacket around your shoulders and turn off the lights until you’re up and talking again.
“See? Not that hard, just like I said. Good job, babe… let’s just keep going like this, yeah?”
Somewhere, past all of the self-absorption and pride, he does have a heart. And that heart will immediately take you out to get ice cream. It’d take him a while to admit fault (and I mean real responsibility, not just his usual “sorry not sorry, move on,” schtick,) but maybe once your tear stains have dried, he’d realize what an ass he’d been.
England - Arthur Kirkland
“G*d, you’re pissing me off already! Just- fuck- get out of here if you hate us so much!”
Like usual. He’s desperate to just leave as soon as there’s conflict. It may be annoying, but at least he’s only doing it because he knows how awful he is when frustrated.
If you don’t take up his offer to abandon the conversation, he will. You’d have to be seriously struggling to keep him with you in that moment.
“Trust me, everything will be much, much worse if I stay…”
He’s always acting like that. It’s like his conscience disappears when he speaks, but only returns when he’s already said the hurtful thing. Never taking responsibility, always panicking and leaving just as your tears start to fall.
But, the more you tell him how much that hurts, the more he might be willing to stay.
It’ll take him a while to be able to choke out a cowardly “sorry,” but at least he’ll stop trying to push you away at every occasion.
“Wait- don’t cry so much love, I’m- I… I didn’t mean it. Ok? Is that better?”
It’s impossible for him to keep arguing once you’re truly upset. Instead, he’ll take you by the hand to the kitchen so he can start making tea for the two of you. In that silence, he encourages you to speak whatever awful thoughts you’re repeating to yourself. He’s just trying to get you in a comfortable environment again at that point.
Quiet affirmations are the only things he’ll bring, looking at you sympathetically and still holding your hand tight while you talk about whatever you want to. Whether that be something completely random, insults towards him, or actual constructive discussion is up to you.
At the end of the night, he’ll apologize. Not well, mind you, but enough to dissuade you from whatever hurt you earlier. All that matters to him is that you don’t go to bed upset.
“I’ll do better next time… or- I mean- I’ll do my best to… not be like that… again. Promise.”
France - Francois Bonnefoy
“But is it that impossible for you to put in some effort? It’s just… embarrassing to be with you right now!”
He’s always been a fighter for sport. When he argues with you, it’s not to prove a point. It’s probably not about anything he actually cares about either. He honestly just does it for fun. To him, arguing is how you really get to know someone.
So when you take his words to heart and, in the worst case, start crying, he just really doesn’t know what to do.
“Merde, darling, you know I wasn’t being serious! Come on now, don’t take it so personally…”
He may grumble about how he didn’t want you to get so upset, but at least he’ll still calm down and quit pushing you. Whatever tension there was before will dissipate as soon as he sighs, making his way over to you and wrapping you in his embrace. Unless that makes you even more uncomfortable, in which case he’ll just grab your favourite blanket and gently drape it over your shoulders.
“I am so sorry I made you so upset, I really didn’t mean it. You’re wonderful to me, always so stunning!”
For as long as you need him to, he’ll apologize over and over again, playing with your hair and wiping away your tears as delicately as he can manage. He may be just as upset as you are when he realizes what he did, but he’s shockingly good at compartmentalizing that when you need support.
But, if you focus too much on how he hurt you, he might start crying too. He can’t help it. Ignore him.
Either way, he’s there to hold you and validate you in whatever you might be feeling at that moment. Be as irrational as you need to be, he understands the urge well. And either way, he’ll just nod along to anything you say and insist it’s everyone else's fault. Including his, unlike basically every other man.
“How can you expect to survive when you hold all of this in? Please, always come to me even with small things, we share everything as lovers, yes? I cannot bear to see you as upset as this…”
China - Yao Wang
“Can’t you act your age? How do you expect anyone to put up with you like this?!”
As soon he says it, he knows that was an awful thing to say. He doesn’t need you to tell him, he can tell just by your expression that it was too far. You didn’t deserve that, he told himself.
But that doesn’t mean his ego is gonna let him give in so easily. Even if he was an ass, he still can’t let himself give up “authority” in a fight.
“Agh- that’s not… its not what I mean to say, alright?! So just… pretend I did not….”
If you quit fighting, instead becoming more upset, he’ll really struggle to calm down instead. Like, yes, he knows he should be trying to make you feel better, but that’s- he just doesn’t want to! He entered this fight with a purpose, and just because you’re crying doesn’t make that purpose any less important!
“Why won’t you argue back?! Aiyah, I knew you were childish but-”
Then he cuts himself off. Does he want to be the bigger person and apologize? No. But will he do it if you stop crying? Yes.
He’ll rest a hand on your arm and suggest in the gentlest voice possible that the two of you should go for a walk. Maybe the fresh air will help both of you clear your heads. He doesn’t know what must’ve happened to him to make him say all of those things either.
“I don’t think those thoughts, tiánxīn. I’m sorry I said it, I was upset but… I still should have known better.”
For as quickly as he’s willing to take responsibility, he’s not as much good at the “getting you out of breakdown” stage. Hopefully, you’ve already communicated with him about that so he knows to stop being so loud and trying to touch you. He’ll do whatever you request of him, but what’s best for you in that moment is probably not his first instinct.
“I’m sorry I was being such a huge ass. I love you, I promise.”
Russia - Ivan Braginsky
“You think you are special? I can beat sense into you just like I can them!”
Good luck getting him to understand that you can’t just threaten people within the next few hours. It will not work. When he’s angry, he really doesn’t care about feelings. Just about getting you to cooperate with whatever he says.
He may usually think of both of you as equals, but when you start seriously challenging his authority while he’s in a bad mood, it’s impossible for him to not be cruel. It’s always just better to leave than let him spiral and hurt both of you in the process
Although, he (obviously) would never actually put his hands on you. He just acts like a big baby and’ll stomp his feet and tell you whatever will get the most reaction out of you.
“Любимый, won’t you come out? I’m very sorry, I promise… can’t we just talk?”
But if you do remove yourself from the situation, he would never chase after you and force you to keep being in that awful environment. He knows better than that at least.
The moment you turn away and refuse to engage with his childishness, he’s already planning how to get you to forgive him. For as callous as it seems, your disapproval hurts him more than anything else. He would come to you on his knees, snivelling and pleading, if that was what he had to do just for you to look at him again
The moment you let him in though, he just rushes over and captures you in his arms. He would dry your tears as gently as he could, treating you like you were made of glass.
“Куколка, куколка, you know I never mean any of that, right? I’m sorry, sorry, please- please, forgive me? If I kiss it better, will you forgive me, любимый?”
He’s so pathetic. Ask anything of him in this state and he’ll do it without hesitation. Unless it’s staying away physically. He’ll be quiet and let you ignore him but don’t try to push him away or he’ll get whiney. If you stress that it isn’t personal enough, maybe he’ll let it go though.
North Italy - Feliciano Vargas
“Why aren’t I good enough? You always abandon me, like- like I’m nothing! Why do you hate me!?”
The moment either of you pick a fight, he’s already sobbing. Sure, he can argue with his brother for hours, but you matter to him in a much more vulnerable way. If you’re at all upset with him, he instantly feels like you don’t like him any more.
But when he feels attacked, he attacks just as much. In his subconscious, it’s always easier to push you away than have you abandon him yourself. That doesn’t result in very productive conversations, though.
“You’re just pretending you love me! You’re a liar, I- I know it!”
When you start crying along with him from all the awful things he’s said, two things can happen.
One, he cries harder, interpreting your hurt feelings as being an admittance to what he accused you of. Why would you be crying if it wasn’t from guilt, and why’d he say that when he so dreaded it being true?!
Or two, you’ll tell him about how truly terrible it feels to have him think those things about you, and he’ll snap out of it. His overwhelming emotions make him incredibly selfish at the moment, so he truly hadn’t considered how you felt from all of that.
Then he immediately lowers his voice, giving you plenty of space until you feel up to talking again.
“Oh… I’m sorry! I didn’t- you wouldn’t do that! I know that, you know that, so just- I’m sorry! Please, forgive me, amore mio dolce!”
He pulls you into a hug immediately, keeping the two of you as close as physically possible as he whispers promise after promise of his love. Until your tears dry, he won’t stop strangling you with unabashed affection, doing anything he can just to get you smiling again.
The feeling of guilt is not something he’s used to. It’s not out of the realm of possibility that he’ll start crying again too.
“If I ever make you feel bad again, please shut me up, please! I can’t take the thought of you so hurt by my words!”
Germany - Ludwig Beilschmidt
“My word should be more than enough for you to shut up already!”
It’s exceedingly rare that he ever loses his temper around you like that. Normally, you’re the one thing that can always calm him down. Just looking at your face makes his chest fill with butterflies, drowning out whatever dark thoughts he’s having.
So, needless to say, he immediately regrets snapping at you. Immediately.
“Wait, no- no, I didn’t mean to say that. I didn’t mean to. It’s not true, just- just stupid, I’m sorry, liebling…”
Whatever you two were arguing about is instantly forgotten as he rushes over to you and takes your face in his hands. It just breaks his heart to see you hurt, much more at his own actions. You don’t have to worry about him taking responsibility, he would never try to dodge the guilt of making you cry.
It’s not the first time he’s lost control, and he knows it’s his fault. But maybe if he takes you in his arms gently enough, rocking you back and forth as you cry into his shoulder, it’ll make it a little easier for you.
But if you just need a silent moment to yourself, that’s perfectly fine too. He’s autistic, so he certainly understands the feeling and will happily provide you with whatever comforting items you request.
“I’m sorry… you didn’t deserve what I said. I love you, please tell me you know that…”
Even if you pretend you weren’t that upset by it, Ludwig wouldn’t let it go like that. If he gets to his breaking point like that, whatever fight you were having is put aside for the night. Now all that matters to him is that the two of you make up and get back into how things were before as soon as possible.
Expect him to be beating himself up for a while though. He just wants you to know how sorry he is, how much he regrets snapping at you, even if it does seem a bit excessive. But he’s just had too many people he cared about leave to not make a whole thing out of it.
Japan - Kiku Honda
“Don’t you have any sense of personal space? You are like- choking me with all of… you! I can’t stand it!”
He’s a logical man. That’s one thing he always tells himself. Never, not even when he’s emotional, does he say things he doesn’t mean. Was the way he said it less than perfect? Yes, of course, he can’t believe he had just acted so impolitely, especially to someone who he cares so much for. But he still… meant what he said.
But, for the first time, as he watches your face break slowly, he’s not so sure of himself. Whether he meant it or not seems suddenly so inconsequential compared to the thought of hurting you. He… upset you? That wasn’t supposed to happen.
“Ah- why are you crying? What is wrong? You… you- it will be… alright, you know? You are ok!”
Wait- no, don’t cry more from that! He has absolutely no idea how to comfort you, but if he really has to, he’ll do his best. Although it’s a little difficult for him to resist drawing your hands away from your ears, he’ll do his best to just let you have your process (no matter what that means for you.)
Before you can even hear him coming closer, you’re suddenly drawn into an intimate hug. His hand drawing your head underneath his and kissing the crown of your head so lovingly, it's almost like another person possessed him as he turns so soft just at the sight of your tears
Would his pride usually reject this? Yes, but, it’s certainly not the first time he’s had to put that aside for you.
He’ll sputter generic apologies, purposefully hiding his grimace as he forces himself to forget about whatever you two were arguing about before. Well, at least for now. Most likely he’ll bring it up not long after, but in a much more… non-confrontational way.
“Let us go do something else instead, hm? You’ll only get more upset like this, and I want that as little as you want it.”
On one hand, he’s a little annoyed he had to put aside his own gripes to calm you down. But on the other hand, he hates conflict. Anything that gets you guys back to normal is worth it, especially if otherwise you’ll be crying in his arms. That’s his absolute nightmare.
#divider credit: @animatedglittergraphics-n-more#heta tag#hetalia imagines#hetalia x reader#ivan tag <3#aph russia x reader#hws russia x reader#aph france x reader#hws france x reader#aph germany x reader#hws germany x reader#hws italy x reader#aph italy x reader#hws america x reader#aph america x reader#hws england x reader#aph england x reader#hws china x reader#aph china x reader#hws japan x reader#aph japan x reader
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… I was inspired okay.
—
Zane shifted in his seat, discomfort mixing with anxiety inside of him. I wish this was over with already.
It was only him and Pixal today. The others were off doing other things, and although he’d offered to join them, she had been insistent.
You haven’t undergone any maintenance in 60 years, Zane. You must slow down for one moment so I can assess your systems.
Except that he didn’t want to slow down, didn’t want to think too hard about all those years. Slowing down meant having time to consider. Slowing down meant allowing the guilt to consume him.
Zane had never wanted to erase his own memory so badly as he had in the last few weeks.
“I will be as quick as I can, I promise.” Pixal glanced over at him and smiled, her green eyes sparkling under the fluorescent lights of the garage.
“I know. I’ve just been putting it off.” Zane forced himself to sit still as she came over, putting a hand over his chest compartment before pressing the button to open it. “I feel fine, you know.”
“I am sure you do. But that amount of time without maintenance must have been difficult on your circuits. I’m just going to assess the damage and what repairs will need to be done.”
He laid back so she could see, staring up at the stone ceiling. “It… was a bit of time, wasn’t it?”
“Yes.” Pixal stopped, her voice filled with… was that hesitation? “Zane, did your internal heater stop functioning?”
“I usually have no need of it. My temperature gauge is a bit off, but beyond that…” Zane stopped, glancing over at her. “Why do you ask?”
“There is… ice.”
“What?”
“You have ice coating your circuits,” she clarified, her eyes finally meeting his. “Have you been running slower than normal?”
“Maybe? I haven’t noticed. How bad is it?”
Pixal sighed. “I have to run a full diagnostic. Zane, I’ve never seen your powers affect you like this.”
He didn’t say anything for a minute, letting her plug him into the computer and blinking at the flow of information that came across his vision. Mission reports, blueprints, information from all over Ninjago City…
It was dizzying. He never liked being online— conscious when he was plugged into the computers.
Zane shut his eyes, blocking the flow. “I wasn’t myself, Pixal. I couldn’t control my abilities. I…” I did horrible things, my love. So many terrible things. I don’t even want to tell you about them because I know you’ll despise me.
I despise myself. I didn’t protect anyone. All I did was destroy.
Pixal must have sensed his thoughts, because she put a hand on his shoulder. “You must not blame yourself, Zane. It wasn’t your fault.”
“Yes, it was. I shouldn’t have been so corruptible, shouldn’t have allowed my powers to be used that way.” He shuddered. “I remember it all, Pixal. Every moment. Every person I froze. Every scream… I have violated my base code.”
She didn’t respond for a moment, a warmth filtering through him as she turned on his internal heater. How long had it been since he’d turned that on? It must have turned off at some point while he was—
No, best not to dwell on it.
“I refuse to believe it was your fault.” Pixal finally said. “Look at me, Zane.”
He opened his eyes, focusing on her face. Every line, every carefully smoothed out bump and scratch. She was familiar to him, as familiar as his powers had been.
At least up until he had used them only to terrorize and destroy for 60 years. Now, he could hardly recognize himself.
Pixal smiled, touching his cheek gently. “I don’t blame you for what happened, Zane. None of us do.”
“I am a monster, Pixal,” Zane whispered, hating the words as soon as they fell from his mouth. “I ki—“
“No. It wasn’t you.”
“It was my hands. My powers. I should have tried to fight it, I should have at least tried to resist the scroll.”
“You did. You almost hurt Lloyd, and you didn’t do it, remember?”
“Because he said my name. If he hadn’t…”
“Lloyd is fine. The people of the Never Realm will be fine. It is you I am worried about.”
Zane fell silent, watching as her attention turned back to his frost bitten insides. “I was the Ice Emperor longer than I’ve been a ninja, you know. I’m older than you now. Much older.”
“I know, but you’ve always been older than me. You are the outdated model, remember?” Pixal’s tone was teasing, but even he caught the undercurrent of sadness. She doesn’t like this any more than I do.
“Not to worry, Zane, I’ve always liked older men.” Pixal smiled at him before looking down again, her fingers stilling their repairs. “I only wish I had been able to do something to stop this from happening to you.”
He shook his head. “I would have only hurt you, Pixal. I don’t want that— I’ve never wanted that.”
Pixal pressed a button on the computer, and the dizzying spread of information finally stopped scrolling across his vision. Thank the FSM. “I would do anything to get you back, Zane. Fate seems to enjoy separating us, and I am beginning to get tired of it.”
Zane managed a smile. “Perhaps this will be the last time.”
“One can only hope.”
Silence fell over the two of them as she continued to work, more of a comfortable silence than anything else.
Maybe it wasn’t truly the act of forgetting that I wanted, he mused, staring up at the ceiling once again. Maybe it is the privilege of being able to cry.
YOU KNOW WHAT I WOULD'VE LOVED TO SEE? THE IMPACT OF ZANE BEING THE ICE EMPEROR FOR 60 YEARS.
HE WAS THE ICE EMPEROR LONGER THAN HE'S BEEN A NINJA.
HE KILLED ALMOST ALL OF THE YETIS. HE FROZE THE FORMLING VILLAGE. HE CORRUPTED THE SAMURAI. All of that goes against his base directive - to protect those who cannot protect themselves.
I NEED to see the emotional impact on Zane, and eventually the rest of the team. Bonus points if it comes with seeing the impact on Zane's body, since he definitely didn't get any maintenance in his time in the Never-Realm.
#lego ninjago#ninjago season 11#ninjago ice emperor#zane julien#ninjago#writers on tumblr#ninjago ice chapter#pixal ninjago#ninjago pixal#ninjago zane#please he’s traumatized#i was inspired#pixane
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#laying awake thinking of them again#it's been so long i thought id gotten over them#but. no. i haven't.#hearing their voice..... I......#....fuck. Fuck#I missed them so much i can't think#i pictured them holding my hand and almost started bawling#gods#it.... it still hurts so much#it's still my own fault. it's still on me for not saying anything.#but i just can't picture a world where that.... changed anything#.....there's no way they'd have had eyes for me. it wouldn't have mattered.#.......fuck......#.....my best friend#feel like a goddamn sitcom#.....i don't even know if i really do want to get over them#.....fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
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Every single time someone makes Azul out to be a pathetic easily bullied guy with no ability to defend himself whatsoever an angel loses its wings falls to the ground and fucking dies.
Please remember, Azul's overblot was the exception, not the norm. He's not a pathetic little crybaby. The thing about this portrayal is that it does insinuate the idea that someone is weak and "pathetic" for having a breakdown when it's this widespread, clearly genuinely belief that a character is pathetic as evidenced by one breakdown.
Same goes for Riddle. Yes, he had a breakdown during his overblot, but with both him and Azul, that was an exception, not the norm. There are plenty of scenes where they've both shown themselves to be smug and powerful characters.
Heck, even during Azul's breakdown, he did end up displaying his true power by sucking that literal magic and talent out of all the students nearby. Leona literally stated that his Unique Magic was forbidden. Riddle was known as the Crimson Tyrant because of the way he treated others. Azul isn't going to cry every time someone insults him, case in point, the way he behaves with Jamil, who makes a habit out of it. He doesn't run off feeling hollow after every interaction, because, well, he keeps coming back! And his enthusiasm is never hankered!
Even when dealing with physically stronger individuals, like Floyd (and most twst characters let's face it most of the cast has six packs), Riddle is never afraid. It was once mentioned that he effortlessly overpowered Floyd during the opening ceremony in Beans Day. With his magic, he's not weak, and he's certainly not helpless.
Obviously, while you can write whatever you want, I just want to explain why I believe that characterization is inaccurate. I love writing fics myself, and I (a long with most fic writers I've asked) prefer writing things that seem like they could reasonably happen with the characters and/or au in question.
#tina rambles#azul ashengrotto#riddle rosehearts#i know people have a right to write whatever they wish#but these are my beliefs#so please keep in mind they will reflect upon my writing#and honestly if you genuinely believe azul and/or riddle are crybabies#please explain to me how you arrived at that conclusion#how is the guy thst enslaved a third of the school incapable of anything but crying and taking upon being mocked#how is riddle a pathetic little crybaby#who can do no wrong and is absolved of all fault#because of his mom#when the game literally says that yes what his mom did was terrible but he still has his own agency#and part of what he did was absolutely on him
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1 week until surgery...my brain keeps trying to talk me out of it bc i dont Need it and im scared of medical environments and Pain but i have to remember this is one of the only things that has ever made me consider wanting a tattoo and also the only thing that's made me Excited For and Wanting visible scars...
And also I've been making "i want sterilization and testosterone" meltdown tweets every other week for many many years so we're scratching one off the list LOL
#talkys#i even told me dad like my life is at a standstill bc theres too many choices. i dont have a passion so i could be anything but#i cant pick a future...! but this is the only thing ive ever been sure abt#like genuinely truly bc i still dk if i want top surgery and I know id be grappling wirh finally going on hrt if i had access to it#bc im Scared of my own decisions. if i make a decision and hate it it will be my fault#this is the only decision ive ever been sure of even if i dont need it even if i never ''need'' it#the One True Dysphoria Subject (other than *** ****** * **** of course but nothing can be done abt that.)#i dont want my body to be capable of it i want it to be mine forever and not something tragedy can happen to.#also abt the scars thing: i was more against ir a few yrs ago but along with top surgery being a more demanding surgery ive#never rly liked the thought of scars. like. idk. just adds insult to injury that my body had to be modified instead of being born right#but this? i want visible scars i get sad that ppl say they (understandably) fade away easily. symbols of honor#i dont like permanence (lmfao) in other categories so i wouldnt get the neutered tattoo but its adjacent to wanting the scars lol
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#i dont think i will ever be able to tell if im bi or gay or or#shucks mannnn compulsory heterosexuality makes me immediately sick#and in the literal sense too#like i was at my friend's wedding and brought a guy (a friend of mine or acquaintance more like. i just thought he is a good fit for#wedding party. and he was)#but all my friends were immediately like. as soon as he went to the bathroom. they were going ' you should 100% date him'#'he is a good husband material' 'we could finally go on double dates🤠'#right after i felt so sick i thought i was gonna throw up#i mean it might be the alcohol kicking in but i just find it funny that i felt it after they said all that#two of my friends wanted to speak in private with me and were like 'is he..? are u considering him AT LEAST?'#i know they had no bad intentions. quite the opposite but years after years i still get sad (understatement tbh) abt it..#another part of me knows that this is my fault bc i should've just communicated that i am not comfortable about such comments and#that i (surprise surprise) might not be straight! and that this isnt any default sexuality#buuuuuut how do i tell them this when i honestly dont feel like telling them so that i am able to figure things out on my own terms. i mean#one of my friends kind of knows and i never ever said anything to confirm nor deny anything xjhstwfy why is it so hard#on the other hand. yesterday for the first time i kind of got the feeling that it doesnt matter and that either way i will find happiness#SOME DAY maybe and i dont have to say anything and i can just not take their ~advice seriously and go on about my life#mine
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OMG OMG OMG
ok i'm mostly focusing on my polycule i have going on so uh bear with me cause i can ramble (one song per guy bc of this)
1.mike
calico kid - humorus ; smalltown boy - bronski beat ; geyser - mitski
calico kid:
"You’ll see what we all thought you knew Confusing reflection for truth"
you think you know what people think of you; mike is someone that spends a lot of time reflecting on what people think of him, especially as a lgbt middle class boy from small town 80s midwest america. his family isn't the richest but they do live in a place where appearance is important.
this often means he looks for his own faults in what other people see in him, as neglect doesn't leave you with much confidence especially if your support system in 3 other kids and your best friend's mom and older brother when they're poor and probably living paycheck to paycheck.
"Things get hard when your heart is missing Calico, you have known all along Calico Kid you’re not broken Feel so hurt but you’re still hoping"
my S/I doesn't come in until after all their upside down stuff, so this is about will, his best friend, moving to california in 1985. he was lost, depressed, but he hoped that seeing will again would magically fix everything and he can go back to being okay for a while, even knowing he just wants the care will gives him in general
"Why try keeping it inside Let yourself let go, enjoy the ride"
he's autistic, he has a lot of trouble with "presenting correctly" even if he has obvious anger issues. he often struggles sharing his feelings about his trauma because people often brush him off because his default is anger. i help him quite a bit with that in our canon (will and i tackle it together), just learning he can still be loved even if he's hurting and angry and he can enjoy his life
"You’re still waiting for the dogwood trees But these seasons change as they please If you’d take some time to let what is be Then your words can match the world’s melody"
pretty much the same. i'd say he embodies this more towards when we meet, but meeting me is kind of a sign that he won't have to change alone (adding will into it too as soon as i meet him)
2.will
nobody - mitski ; boys don't cry - the cure ; car lights - james marriott
car lights:
"Some more fake smiles, I'll just nod my head For one small glimpse of your breath"
will, my love, has always been a quiet guy. a romantic from the background by silent yearning. he'd rather watch his crushes from afar than actively seek them but he'll also do anything just to spend more time, stay a little longer, talk a little more... "c'mon just one more movie?" softie. and with mike and el (his sister, mike's ex)... he was pushing them together using his own feelings in canon when mike nor el really wanted to date each other but had serious comphet
"Forget my fears, ignore all my frets Just lay your mind on my chest"
he's tactile, though not as much as mike, but like before, just wants to stick as close as he can before he's left behind when his feelings are found out. mike and i love hanging off him so we can convince him to do cuddle piles
"You sure we're out of their sight? They're staring, through the car lights I hate what you're doing, I hate that it feels so"
he's self-conscious, aware of what being gay means for him and with everyone expecting him to be queer, of course he's paranoid despite liking small moments with mike and i even in the forest, our bedrooms, or next to the lake when it's empty.
"I'm not scared there's nothing to run from, well I feel like I'm falling for someone"
technically same as before, but because of all the overt homophobia he's afraid of being in love, of liking someone, even if he knows it's okay (we remind him all the time, though, even when he doesn't ask bc we want him comfortable)
You there. Selfshipper. Tell me what song(s) you associate with your F/O(s), and if you want to, say why! This is an open call to nerd and gush to your heart's content! Bonus if you do full lyric analysis bc that's my jam :)
#i tried and im TIRED#no sleep rawdogging the day at 6 am and caffeine makes me tired i dread work today yolo hope this is entertaining yippee#selfshipper#proselfship#but i love this little game!!!#i love music and i love my boys <3 i love talking about the music i have saved for them#. . . F/O CONTENT#stranger things proship
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