#who can do no wrong and is absolved of all fault

[sneakyneighboururchin]

Two big differences between Mythal and Solas is that Solas regrets all the terrible things he's done. That is, in fact, a major plot point and theme. He shows remorse and at his core he wants to fix his mistakes. Mythal, or at least the fragment you can speak to, doesn't regret her actions at all. If you call her on the blight being her fault she attacks you. She doesn't accept responsibility. Solas does. That doesn't erase the guilt or culpability, but it does make me respect him more than I do her.

The second difference is that Solas rejects the notion that he's a god. Mythal doesn't. Again, if you ask her to help you against the other Evanuris and state that the people don't need gods she gets angry and attacks you. Maybe it's just the anarchist in me, but I've got a lot more respect for someone who rejects worship and fights tyranny than I do the tyrant being fought. Because that is what she was, as much as any of the others. A benevolent dictator and slave owner is still a dictator and a slave owner.

Now, if I'm putting my character analysis hat on for Mythal *specifically* I'd say that it's possible she reacts like this because she does feel guilt. I know, that does contradict what I just said. But I do think it's possible that her anger and violent reaction is a defense mechanism and a shield against being confronted with the truth of the damage she caused. Admitting that you're wrong is one of the hardest things a person can do, even without having had centuries of worship heaped on you and going to your head. So when someone you see as lesser calls you out to your face? That's a hard pill to swallow. Again though. Solas does swallow it. Solas takes blame. Heaps it upon himself until it defines everything he does (which is another problem in itself but We Don't Have Time For That Right Now). Mythal, by contrast, rejects it. Right until she absolves Solas of his duty, and finally takes some responsibility herself.

[thegoldencontracts]

Every single time someone makes Azul out to be a pathetic easily bullied guy with no ability to defend himself whatsoever an angel loses its wings falls to the ground and fucking dies.

Please remember, Azul's overblot was the exception, not the norm. He's not a pathetic little crybaby. The thing about this portrayal is that it does insinuate the idea that someone is weak and "pathetic" for having a breakdown when it's this widespread, clearly genuinely belief that a character is pathetic as evidenced by one breakdown.

Same goes for Riddle. Yes, he had a breakdown during his overblot, but with both him and Azul, that was an exception, not the norm. There are plenty of scenes where they've both shown themselves to be smug and powerful characters.

Heck, even during Azul's breakdown, he did end up displaying his true power by sucking that literal magic and talent out of all the students nearby. Leona literally stated that his Unique Magic was forbidden. Riddle was known as the Crimson Tyrant because of the way he treated others. Azul isn't going to cry every time someone insults him, case in point, the way he behaves with Jamil, who makes a habit out of it. He doesn't run off feeling hollow after every interaction, because, well, he keeps coming back! And his enthusiasm is never hankered!

Even when dealing with physically stronger individuals, like Floyd (and most twst characters let's face it most of the cast has six packs), Riddle is never afraid. It was once mentioned that he effortlessly overpowered Floyd during the opening ceremony in Beans Day. With his magic, he's not weak, and he's certainly not helpless.

Obviously, while you can write whatever you want, I just want to explain why I believe that characterization is inaccurate. I love writing fics myself, and I (a long with most fic writers I've asked) prefer writing things that seem like they could reasonably happen with the characters and/or au in question.

[protectoroffaeries]

~

[teaboot]

Sometimes at work it's not my place to tell people the things I want to say, and I find I often go home at the end of the rougher days to stand blankly in my shower and tell myself over and over what I wish I could pass on.

This accomplishes very little, and mostly just gives me a tension headache, but through it all I think I've narrowed myself down to a few solid things I'd like to tell people the most.

You can't change people. Not permanently, not for anythig. You can support them, encourage them, love them, give them tools and opportunities and resources, but you can't make them change. They can change themselves if they want to, but they have to want to, and they have to want it for themselves, because they're the only one that's certain to be with them forever.

For better or worse, you make your own choices, and blaming bad choices on others doesn't only work to absolve you of responsibility- it also robs you of control. Because if you say you only did something because I did something, then you arent only shifting blame- you're admitting that you cannot control yourself, that you cannot truly make choices for yourself, that other people can control you- and as long as you truly beleive that, you'll keep facing the same problems over and over. You'll keep letting others dictate your choices, because you'll beleive that they can, and you'll never be free.

White knights on horseback are from fairytales. Nobody can help you if ou're not willing to help yourself. To try, to put the dirty work in, to belive you're worth that effort- Act as though nobody is coming to save you. From a struggle, from pain, from bad relationships, from yourself. And when you do save yourself, because you will, because failure here isn't an option if you want to survive, you'll never find another dragon that can keep you prisoner.

Don't say anything to anyone that you wouldn't want them remembering forever.

Doing the right thing in bad circumstances is hard. It's the hardest thing. But if you make the choice to do that hard thing anyways, despite your fear, you'll go on the rest of your like knowing that you're the sort of person who did something.

The present only seems the hardest because the past I over and the future hasn't happened.

There's so much joy ahead of you, the kind you can't possibly understand until you see it yourself.

The responsibility of consequences is often disguised as the power of permission. "I won't do this if you help me", "I'll work on my anger if you do this for me", "I promised you I'd quit, but can I have just one?". The unspoken question is, "Can it be your fault if this goes badly?"

You cant make someone love you the way you need to be loved. Someone can love you very much and still be bad for you, even if you love them very much in return. Two people can love each other very, very much, and try their very best, and still be wrong for each other.

Sometimes being near to someone changes you, even in good ways, and the people you become don't fit together as well as the people you were.

Caring takes work. Even if it's real. Especially if it's real. And the most important gestures aren't the grand, poetic, songs-and-flowers-and-tears moments; they're getting out of bed even though you don't want to. Paying attention to things you don't enjoy. Scrubbing pans, or opening a window, saying "thank-you", or helping carry groceries into the house. The small things fill the big things- without the small, boring, mediocre things, big things feel hollow.

Thrre is honour and dignity in humble work.

If you are a cruel and spiteful person, then you will find every place you visit to be full of the same cruel, spiteful people. This is not because the world is as cruel as you, but because everywhere you are, you will be disliked. This is the curse that comes with being persistently cruel and spiteful.

If you are a kind and ppsitive person, you will repeatedly encounter kind and positive people, because as they grow familiar with you, they will be happier to have you near. This is the reward of being a kind and positive person.

When splitting paths with loved ones, briefly or forever, aim for your last words to always be "I love you".

[hypertechnica]

i’m going to make fiddauthor art with fidds wearing his wedding ring and you are NOT going to like it

big obligatory banner that says “cheating is bad don’t do it i just like stories with relationship drama”

closeted, internally homophobic gay men who are married with kids has to be the trope i’m weakest to. no person involved is escaping the despair brought on by a relationship built on a well intentioned, desperate lie, born out of a desire to be normal and good

he WANTED to love her so fucking badly. he felt no ill will towards her and he loves their son more than words can say. he thought the attraction, the way she felt about him, would come with time. it didn’t. he doesn’t want to hurt her yet was doomed to from the start, and he’s truly, truly sorry. this does not absolve him of anything whatsoever and she has the full right to never want to speak with him again. he lied! he pretended to feel the same when he never once felt anything but platonic affection! he’s been in love with someone else this whole fucking time! and their kid… he’s caught in the middle of it all, too young to understand why his father would hurt his family like this.

and then he disappears and never comes back. imagine you’re 5 and your dad goes to the middle of the woods with his buddy for science shit, all of the sudden your parents are yelling on the phone and signing papers, and then he goes MIA. for years.

imagine your husbands “buddy” was the one he was thinking of all this time, not you, never you. and the first chance he gets to run away from you, he takes, and you should have been suspicious by the rushed frenzy of it all, the phone calls getting shorter and shorter until it fizzles to nothing. he forgot to get you a christmas gift. he hand-made him two. there has to be something wrong with you, it has to be your fault. you wish you married the man he becomes when he’s in his presence.

he folded when you started questioning him directly - he’d been to neurotic to ever be a good liar. you thought he was the one. he thought you were nice.

by the time the divorce is finalized he’s different in a wrong way. confused, angry, forgetful, insane - if the giant homicidal robot pterodactyl you’ve been harassed by is any indication. (he’s had a bad habit of building homicidal robots when he’s mad since they met -engineer things- but it was never directed at her - thankfully it never actually does anything) he’s clearly abusing drugs - you’d feel bad if he hadn’t abandoned you with the burden of explaining why your son can’t see his father anymore.

it’s a rotten bit of your soul, but time heals you. you move on and no longer think of him. trust in your career. find a man who truly loves you with no motives attached. raise your kid to be a good man. and in a fashion not unlike shakespearean dramatic irony, this makes him move to gravity falls to find and take care of his father. you couldn’t care less what hee doing now, but damn it, it’s his father, what is the kid supposed to do? but its futile- he appears to have no remorse, hell, no memory of the incident in the first place. (this isn’t his fault but how are they supposed to know that?) so he grows bitter and cold just like his mother used to be.

imagine that.

all over a mans inability to do anything but live in denial. to force himself to live in a box and pine like a dying man over the right one at the wrong time, destined to crash and burn. to take denial to a new level- a cult, brain damaging radiation, a total ego death - just to take the edge off. take off that damn wedding ring

[pruneunfair]

Rating female leads in manhwa.

Navier

6/10, I absolutely hate her writting and has devolved into a mary sue who only reacts to everything around her while her mass of supporters never shut up about great she is. Her synopsis claiming her as someone who loves all her subjects gets contradicted when its shown she doesnt really care about the slaves.

BUT in season 1 she wasn't bad, I liked her resolve and it was when she actually cared for her people, I feel like if we got to see a clear backstory beyond "she wasn't allowed outside when she studied to be empress" I would understand her total apathy more.

Ariande

7/10, I adore villains, especially villainous protagonists and at first I liked the idea she wouldn't be any better than her family but still had a soft spot for Arabella, she loses a few points because it turns out she's excused for killing people before in the name of "love" and is viewed as someone who can do no wrong.

Adelaide

10/10, she's like Navier but better, she has more noticeable flaws and while she is a kick ass warrior during the tower arcs she still is human and can't always take it alone without consequences, she acknowledges Diane's struggles and makes an effort not to be her enemy and is proof that you dont need to make FL overpowered gods to be strong women. A beautifully made FL in a underrated story

Robellia

1/10, She doesn't divorce her husband despite the title literally being "I will divorce my tyrant husband." But that's more of a problem in most other manhwa. She's too much of a perfect epic goddess for me and most of all she does the whole "buying all the slaves but giving them a home." to make her look even better, what is with manhwa and inserting slavery for no other reason other than to make the FL look better?

Arianna

0/10, there is nothing good about her. Other than being a mary sue and a personality that only revolves around the latest sexy man, she legit forces another guy to join her haram by threatening diplomatic war on his kingdom and bodyshames her fiance but all of a sudden wants him more than ever when he loses weight, it took a random chick being inserted with a 🍇ist persona to make her look "better."

Yerenica

6/10, in any other story, this girl would've been despised by the fandom for being a homewreaker/pick me. She gives me so much second hand embarrassment but she's not terrible, I actually really like her design too. Not a fan of the kidnapper-hostage relationship she and the ML have though.

Pereshati

10/10, the best one here. She feels so much more human than the others on this list, she's got flaws, a relationship with the ML Therdeo that has both realistic progression, blunders, but overall healthy love, she also has relationships outside of her husband which I really love, I actually get scared for her when shes in danger instead of the usual "oh great, heres the typical kidnapping trope", a great motherly FL

Hestia

5/10 I will be easy on her since I just started reading my derelict favorite but I've only heard bad things about it through spoilers so I don't have much hope, also girl, please acknowledge that just because your favorite character did it for love doesn't mean he's absolved for murdering 2 people, thank you

Edith

9/10, my 3rd favorite on this list. You do not know how happy I was when instead of immediately viewing Rhyse as a rival to defeat, she was actually nice to her and the chapters of them were so sweet, she even acknowledges that it isn't anyone's fault for acting out but the author who is pulling the strings.

Layla

8/10, I feel so bad for this poor girl. For some reason I noticed on reddit and tiktok that she's getting hate for not standing up to herself or just not being the usual "girlboss" protagonist, did it not occur that she cant do much to a duke!? Layla deserves so much better and she needs to be far away from Matthias, I don't care if it's "dark romance" he is torturing her for his own pleasure.

[stilljuststardust]

My journey with manifestation is very similar to my journey with self love, the only way out is to decide for yourself

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

Disclaimer, please read:

This may be really uncomfortable to read because it seriously challenges negative self-concept. As I say many times in this, self love is something you can only give yourself and unfortunately some people who aren't ready feel discomfort with the very idea of it, and that's ok.

The language is blunt because this is based on my own journey and that's what woke me up.

Nothing I say is meant to inspire shame. DO NOT read this post to shame yourself. This is mostly revelations and self callouts from a couple years ago when I first realized that even though it wasn't my fault I was still the one doing it to myself.

It isn't your fault you hate yourself, it's likely something that was instilled into you in childhood, but you are the only one with the power to change it.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

Both are only something that you can give yourself.

The moment that mattered most was realizing it didn't matter what was told to me, once I believed I had it nothing could ever take it away.

I have full control of how I think about myself and regardless of what other people think or what I look like I have power over my own perception.

When I first started on self love I came to the realization that it didn't matter what happened if I never changed the way I thought I'd be stuck hating myself forever. How many people do you know that do everything to love themselves but treat themselves with love?

I realized that all I had to do was decide I was good enough. Who the fuck was anyone else to say otherwise? And why the fuck would I ever in a million years let them change how I saw myself.

It wasn't benefiting me to hate myself.

If I wanted change I had to change.

Accepting I'm smart enough, pretty enough, good enough, was hard at first because I wanted validation. I wanted something outside of myself to confirm that I was, but the truth was unless I gave it to myself it would never be enough and it wouldn't fucking matter.

I chose to think of myself as good enough because I realized that leaving it up to fucking NOBODIES is pointless.

"Being enough" is something I can only ever give to myself.

You are an ever present force in your own life, who else is by you every step of the way, who else sees and understands everything you do?

Self love is the purest form of love because it comes not from a place of idolization but from true understanding.

You have to be the one to give it to yourself. You have to accept that you are enough. If you want to love yourself you have to be ok with showing yourself love.

You know yourself better than anyone will EVER be capable. You have the potential to love and provide for yourself in a way no one else can so why do you choose to be cruel? What it is getting you?

Many people might think it gets them repentance or it makes them a better person. And this is a tough pill to swallow but, self hatred doesn't absolve anyone of any wrongdoing, it doesn't make us better people, it's not the repentance you think it is, you have no real reason to do it.

I know. I know. You've been raised to think you deserve pain and punishment every time you misstep but that doesn't actually help anybody. Taking accountability, a willingness to change, and doing differently in the future, is what DOES matter when you've done wrong.

You are more than the worst thing you've done.

Many of us deep in self hatred will even argue with those who think positively of us. What sense does that make? WHY defend your self hatred of more passionately than you've ever actually defended yourself.

Where's that passion when others question your worth? Why will you accept one but resist the other?

You are the one person you can guarantee is always in your corner.

You can claim you want to love yourself but look at your actions. Arguing with people who challenge your negative beliefs, berating yourself, etc.

If it was another person, if you claimed to want to treat them with love and then you turned around and did all of this to them would that not be contradictory?

It's so deeply uncomfortable to love ourselves because we can no longer use

So what does this have to do with manifestation? (+more advice for both)

Much of this mindset where you look for validation outside of yourself, you're too scared to stand your ground, you're too afraid of being wrong.

In both there's this deep seated fear of "what if I do accept it and then someone/something else proves me wrong :("

And that's why they're both so difficult because it's something only you can give to yourself. You have to actively put your opinion above everything else that's shown to you.

This is why I often describe it as deciding and then saying fuck everything else. Because that mindset was what created radical change in me.

Because fuck those other people, I'd rather like myself than have some asshole like me.

What is giving in to the 3D or the cruelty of others going to do FOR you?

Radical self love is life changing because for the first time you just decide that you and you alone get to decide what's true.

The fear of other people viewing you different than you view yourself and the fear of the 3D being different come from the same place and you get past both by putting your opinion first.

Your opinion of yourself is the only one that truly matters. What makes a random persons opinion of you true? Nothing. They don't know you.

FUCK anyone who tells you you're not good enough, FUCK the 3D, FUCK anything that doesn't align with what you want.

The 3D is no different than some toxic friend who parrots your insecurities back to you.

Fuck that bitch why would you listen to what she has to say over YOUR OWN DAMN OPINION.

The same way so many people will argue tooth and nail with anyone who says they're pretty some people have the same angry/uncomfortable reaction to being told they have what they want, despite the fact that they both crave that same external validation they will actively turn it away.

The same passion and energy you put into arguing why you can't have it, why you're not good enough, is the same energy you need to give when you are faced with what you don't want.

So many of you are GREAT at persisting and defending your assumptions as if they are fact, unfortunately you don't realize because the assumptions you choose to defend with your life are the ones that hurt you.

Rejecting compliments from people? That's persisting. Looking for reasons to think it hasn't manifested? That's persisting in your old story. Treating it as if it's an undeniable fact? Congratulations you're persisting.

I need you to adopt the mindset that anyone who doesn't see your worth can get fucked, anything in the 3D that opposes you can get fucked, you know the truth.

I know it's so uncomfortable at first, I know it's so weird and feels like the opposite of everything you've ever known, THATS OK. It's going to feel weird or unnatural. Keep going anyway.

You are worthy of love. You are worthy of your desire. And all you have to do to have either is give them to yourself internally.

[mashiraostail]

Presentation Mic, Eraser and Sek accidental confession?? Maybe you guys are arguing or reader did something stupid that worried the boys? Cliffhanger NSFW-y ending?

You already know what it is. I missed presentation microphone the most tbh hes fun

Present Mic: "You can't do things like that-" He's following you, lately it feels like he's always following you. "I'm not going to argue with you right now Hizashi." You hold your hand up, not even turning to face him. "What?" He sounds perturbed, "I'm not trying to argue with you!" "Oh perfect! I know I'm always wrong in your eyes but this time I'm glad to have screwed it up! So I guess that's solved, I'll see you tomorrow." If your mood had been even slightly more sour Aizawa poking his head out of his bedroom door and making a mocking angry feline sound at you would have made you deck him. Dorming as staff had created much more drama than anticipated, he was loving it. You had a feeling Nezu wasn't going to stick to this set up long. You weren't a teacher and didn't live in the dorms, however you were working closely with Hizashi and upon decided to come check on him after the fight you were instantly met with criticisms of your performance.

"Fuck off." Instead of decking him, you just push Aizawa by his forehead, away from you. "Why won't you listen to me?" Hizashi closes Aizawa's door as he walks by it, still chasing you. "Because you're not the boss of me!" You turn to face him, "I swear you think-" "I'm not telling you this because I think I'm the boss of you! I'm telling you this because I-" He furrows his eyebrows, "I'm telling you as a concerned friend, your lack of self preservation is-" "None of your concern!" You can hear Nemuri gasp at that, Aizawa must of alerted her to the brewing argument. It was your mistake for accidentally venting to him about Hizashi's sudden change in attitude. You forgot how much he enjoyed being a spectator to conflict. It had actually been Hizashi's fault for telling Nemuri the way he felt about you, even though he knew she thought misunderstandings were a spectator sport. "It is my concern!" Hizashi asserts, "please just hear me out, I'm begging you here!" He throws his hands up, "do you want me to get on my knees or something?!" "God I'm a masochist." you turn around. "Fine. Tell me how stupid you think I am, how I never think, how you would have done it better!" You jab his chest with an accusatory finger, "absolve yourself of all guilt when something happens to me, because you warned me so it's not your fault that they're just culling the weak-" "When did I ever say that?!" Hizashi sounds terrified, "is that what you think of me?" Your heart is pounding, your eyes are watering, "What?! No!" You leer back, "Hizashi I think the world of you! Ever since I came here I've just wanted to impress you! For you to tell me I did a good job, that you were glad to have me here, god anything!" You scoff, "instead you always tell me all the stupid things I did wrong!" Hizashi faulters at that he looks at you, your heaving chest and rising shoulders, he could practically hear your heart pounding. "What? I'm standing here, I'm listening, I'm hearing you out and you're just going to stare at me?" "I didn't realize you saw it that way." He holds his hands up, his hero outfit was discarded after the fight, his hands were bare of his usual gloves. "Of course you didn't." You laugh, "you can never do anything wrong, only me."

"Oh, holy shit."

Vlad was standing at the end of the hall but quickly dissipated into the nearest room. You'd amassed a small but subtle crowd of teachers, poking the heads around corners and out of rooms. The only one who was in direct sight was Aizawa, probably wondering if you were going to punch Hizashi's teeth in. "I wish I never moved here." You scrub your face, "this was such a dumb idea." "Don't say that." Hizashi looks different than you'd ever seen him before, "don't be mean." He looks at a loss for words. It felt mean to say, even this small misunderstanding couldn't hold a candle to your relationship with Hizashi to this point, you became fast friends. He wsa your closest friend and confidant since moving to this side of the country, he met you on a patrol and showed you the ropes. It went beyond work, you had him over weekly, to talk about music, his teaching, American reality shows, whatever you wanted to talk about Hizashi proved a very attentive listener. It was easy to admire him, and even easier to fall in love with him. He was there for you always, when you were homesick, when you failed, and when you succeeded, to say you wish you never met him was a deep and intentional cut. "I'm sorry I didn't...tell you what you wanted to hear." His eyes scan his surroundings looking for something better to say. "Oh fuck you." You scoff, "fuck you so much Hizashi. What a shitty thing to say." You wish you had something to throw at him, "you're so fucking patronizing." "Stop! Why do you always assume the worst of me?" He holds his hand to his chest, "I don't even know what to say right now, I'm fucking grasping at straws here! I didn't know you felt this way, I wish you told me sooner!" "It's always my fault." I'm wrong again. You laugh, "god." "No! It's my fault!" Hizashi takes a step towards you, "it is completely my fault! I was stupid. I am stupid! I was so worried about keeping you safe I didn't let you do your job! I didn't want you to!" He shakes his head, "you're a great hero and that's what freaks me out!" "What?" You blink at him, leering back as his voice raises a bit. "When I saw you laying there, I fucking freaked out!" He gestures back to the courtyard where a villain had laid you out. "I wanted to keep you safe, so I picked you apart, I wanted to close every opening-" He's holding your shoulders, "you aren't weak!" He shakes you a little, "all this stupidness is my fault. I'm falling in love with you and I let it make me throw reason out the window-" He's going, he's still talking, you stopped listening. You're just staring up at him.

"Hizashi-" You're trying to cut him off, "Hizashi stop-" All you can think to do is pull him down into a kiss. It's confused, stiff for a moment until he leans into it. His hands hold onto your wrists by his jaw. "I'm sorry I....must have misunderstood-" For the first time since knowing him he whispers. "It's okay." You shake your head, "I'm sorry too..I didn't think you felt that way I assumed you were getting sick of me.." "I-" He falters, "no. God I, I'd lose it if anything happened to you, if you left me." Your eyes scan his face, his eyes, you knew he was genuine but still your stomach lurched with uncertainty. "I'd never.." You look down at your feet, "can we talk somewhere more...private?" Aizawa's surprised face reminds you of your lack of privacy. "Come with me?" You don't really do that much talking once you're in private. A few words are exchanged, mostly in disbelief, 'are you sure?' "you mean like...?' They're quiet, quieter than you thought he could be, though you figured you'd taken him by surprise.

Shota Aizawa: You felt taken advantage of. He must know how you felt about him, he would be stupid not to. He was your Achilles heel, he could get you to do whatever he wanted. He knew that. Everyone did. "Aizawa will be there." Nemuri would coax you into meetings, outings, whatever. "Do me this favor, please?" He'd look right through you when he said it. You would still do it. Press conferences, public speaking, all the things he hated. You were bent to him, he was a weakness that only you could feel, but everyone else could see. This had just been the last straw. Endeavor was not someone you felt fondly of, everyone knew it, yet you'd spent the whole fight being berated by him, just to "Do me this favor?" Maybe your quirks paired well, that didn't matter, did no one care how you felt? You were strong, you didn't upset easily and yet you felt like your resolve was being chipped away slowly, and today Endeavor had taken a jack hammer to it. Your stomach was a pit, of course you didn't feel like talking to him. You'd thought about it all, the countless failed dates, your desire to build a bridge and get over it. You can't see a future for yourself where you feel fulfilled, lavishing in free will and a heart that's 2 tons lighter. You worried he'd have this hold on you forever, never loving you at all. You were okay with that, which was most crushing of all.

Did your feelings push him away, had he only wanted someone to take under his wing, a friend and teammate but not a lover? Was this his idea of putting distance between you? "Hey." Aizawa holds a hand up to you, "I appreciate what you did today." When you don't stop it makes him tilt his head, he came all the way here to thank you and you couldn't even stop and give him a curt nod? "Hello?" He starts to follow you, he isn't sure why. "Yeah whatever, you're welcome. Thanks for trusting me." It's curt, it's fast and quiet and he barely caught it. "That's it?" He catches you as you wait for your elevator, you decide to take the stairs, "why are you running away from me?" "I'm not running I'm walking." These 8 flights were going to be painful, at least you wouldn't have to stand toe to toe with him in your elevator. "Stop it." "I don't want to talk right now." You shake your head, "Endeavor was too much today. You know I don't like him." "Let's get dinner," He's trying to catch up to you, "let's talk about it okay? I'll get you something to eat and we can talk about, talk about everything." "I'm not hungry." You turn the corner, your voice echoes through the cemented stairwell, making it impossible to mask the way it trembles. "Drinks then, come get a drink with me. Tell me why you're upset, please. We'll have drinks and I'll listen. Tell me what he said to you." "Why do you care?" You clutch the strap to your dufflebag, you didn't even bother to stop at UA to change out of your hero costume, the tight fabric making you feel exposed and silly. "I looked for you at the school and you weren't there. I figured you were upset." "So? I ask again, why do you care?" "Well-" He seems taken aback, "he has no right to make you upset or to be mean to you. I don't want to see you upset because of him. He's just an asshole, tell me what he said I can set the record straight with him. Let's go get drinks, you can tell me and you can cry if you want and say you were drunk and I won't hold it against you. I'll be nice all night and I'll say I was drunk too, so you can't hold it against me." You won't turn back to look at him, if you do your resolve would crack. "Right, only you can be mean to me. Only you get to make me upset." You're resisting the urge to bound up your stairs and lock yourself in your apartment. "What? No, I don't want to make you upset, have I upset you? Tell me what I did." "Why did you make me do this today?" You grit it out, "and everyday, the press conferences, the meetings, the stupid team ups-" "What?" He sounds lost. You slam into every door you come across, you wished they closed faster, slam in his face. "Why do you ask me to do it? Why, when you know I'll always say yes?" "I don't-" "You do!"

"Please," He sounds genuine, almost pleasing, "let's go get drinks, let's talk about it. Somewhere quiet, just me and you." "No I don't want to." You were so close to being there, how could you get a big enough lead to lock yourself up before he could stick a foot in the door? "I don't want to go out with you right now Shota." "Why not?" He's gaining on you, you hate the idea of looking at him right now, even his voice was chipping away at you. "I know you're used to always getting what you want from me but I just need to be by myself right now." "Getting what I want- what?" He sounds bewildered, lost and almost offended, "I'm not understanding you, please stop let's just talk, we don't have to get drinks or food, or even go up to your apartment if you don't want to! We can talk here in the stairs okay? I want to understand, help me understand." He reaches you, his hand is on your arm, "I don't want to upset you, that's the last thing I want. Tell me what I did, yell at me, be mad at me all you want, but tell me what I did so I won't do it again." "You're just always making me do things and everyone is and they just hang you over my head like I'm a dog or a little kid-" "What?" His hand falls off you once you stop in your tracks. "And it's embarrassing!" You shake your head, "I feel stupid, I feel like a fan not your colleague!" The tears are adding insult to injury and you urge them away. "It's always 'Shota needs this, Shota will be there, well think about Shota-' and you. 'Please do this for me' like I ever say no because you know!" "Know what?" He holds his hands up as you spin around. "Everything has been such a wreck since I met you." Your lip quivers, "and I'm so stupid, you could make me do anything and you know it and maybe you just wanted a friend but that's all you had to say!" "I think one of us is misunderstanding something-" "I know!" You drag your palm over the offending tears, "it's not a misunderstanding! I understand!" You're sniffling like a child, "at first it was just an admiration, infatuation, whatever. I'm sure you noticed, it would be impossible not to." You drop your bag too, the extra weight makes you want to crumble. "I didn't even have the resolve to ignore you for 8 flights of stairs. I thought it would go away! I went to see other guys, I met up with tons of guys, heroes, civilians, whoever!" "That's great, it's good that you're branching out I'm just not sure what-" "And there were romantic dates, lovely nights Shota, and- and...I was scared to death the whole time that I'd say your name instead. I was thinking about you, what you would order, what you like to drink, what kind of movies you like. Expensive, perfect dates, and I was thinking about hanging out with you in the teachers lounge." You push him back, he stumbles, he lets it happen. "And everyone is treating me like a fucking teenager about it, and you don't even have it in you to let me down!"

His normally brooding eyes look sympathetic, even when you shove him, "I think I misunderstood." "Misunderstood what? That I love you, and you treat me like a lovesick puppy to run your errands? I love you so much, I don't think I'll ever stop loving you. I'll love you more than anyone I ever meet! You could find me in fifty years when we are wrinkly and old and- and I have 40 grandkids and you could come to me, ask me to leave, to ruin my perfect, perfect life to be with you I would go. And it would be easy Shota." "I thought you were going on dates and branching out for your own..reasons, why would I assume you felt that way when you were going out once a month I didn't-" He looks at a loss, "of course I care about you. I didn't want to get in your way." "What?" You look at him in disbelief, "don't do this to me, don't hurt me Shota please this isn't a game-" "I know it's not- I'm not, I swear I wouldn't-" He sounds almost earnest, "I do care about you, I...enjoy all the time we spent together, and I wouldn't chase just anybody up 7 flights of stairs like this. And the others were..just trying to get us together, they were pushing me to say something to you, do something about the way I was feeling. At first I thought you were just infatuated with me sure, I wrote it off. But you stayed, you were genuine and kind and I liked having your help and I loved having you around, and I'm sorry I made you go out with Endeavor today. You're right, I know you always say yes to me, I should have been more mindful of the way you felt. I was never trying to take advantage of you. I would never want that, I do love you, I wanted you to come to it on your own but this all got so fucked up. So let's go now, okay? I don't want you to stand in this stairwell and cry, let's go get something to drink and we can talk about everything." His eyes never leave your face, "everybody adores you, especially me. I don't want you to think that's not the case-" You kiss him, you practically launch forward at him, like it was the easiest thing in the world. He accepts you just as easily, using the brief moments of reprieve to speak again, "or we could just go upstairs." "Let's just go upstairs."

Sekijiro Kan: "It's all-" you're shoving him, "your fault!" You shove him again, "you always do this!" Again, "why don't you trust me?!" Again, "I had it all under control!" He's nudged back but never off balance, letting you vent your frustrations into his chest, looking down at you a bit annoyed. "You were hurt, you were pushing yourself beyond your limits and I just stepped in-" He holds up his hands, "I do trust you." "I'm not hurt!" Your obvious injuries said otherwise, bruises and gashes scattered your arms, your nose was broken. The villian had gotten away when he stepped in to stop you, you would have broken your ribs or worse. "You were in pain you didn't have a clear head." "How do you know what was going on in my head?!" "I did know! It was nothing!" He finally snaps, "you get tunnel vision-" "So what?! I'm doing my job and who are you to call me dumb?" "I'm not calling you dumb-" "You are!" "Oh god." he rubs his eyes. "Sorry I'm just sooo much for you, it sucks you have to deal with me!" A dig at his choice of wording in the heat of the moment, Nemuri pointed out the struggle, wrapped up in her own, Kan had said he would "go deal with you." It was poor wording even he can admit that, he didn't know it would set you off. "Oh stop." He holds his hand up, "don't throw that back at me you know how I meant it." "I don't! I'm such a burden, I'm so stupid and weak and impulsive and I just want to help Vlad why can't you see I just wanna help?" "I know you do! But you're hurt, you did help! You got hurt though, you can't help anyone when you're out of commission! I was there, I had to stop it, we can catch that guy another time, I'll give it to you-" "you think this is about the arrest?" You leer back at him, "I don't care who arrests him, he's still out on the streets-" "But you're okay-" "It's my job to protect these people, and your's too!" "It's not so black and white." He warns you, "what was I supposed to do, let him kill you?" "Why do you think he would have? Why am I so weak to you? I'm sorry I'm smaller, I'm sorry I'm-" "That's not it, you would do the same for me!" "You're always butting in, always keeping an eye on me, like I'm a fucking chore to you!" "When did I ever say that?!" Sekijiro had been a good friend to you, you aren't sure why but you clicked, you liked the same foods and the same movies and you had the same idea of a good time, when you had a free moment to spare it was Sekijiro you were looking for. Everyone expected it, one day you'd be spotted together hand in hand, he'd mention you in a romantic way, you went together and the tension was palpable sometimes. Maybe you were a bit oblivious, or hot tempered with him at times, you knew about your flaws and you couldn't see a guy like him settling for someone with the issues you had. That being said, you still would chase your tail to impress him. "Please." He holds up his hands as you shove him again, "please be resonable. You know I don't feel that way about you. I don't want to fight I don't want to argue. I was worried about you, I'm sorry." "God now I'm the asshole, perfect."

"No!" He groans, "no I'm not trying to spin it like this. What's really the problem? I know you don't care about the villian, tell me what's the matter, please I can tell it's something else." He even sits down in a chair so he's looking up at you, "I don't want you to be mad at me like this, tell me why." "I just want to impress you! I want to be someone who is just as good as you are-" "You are! You're just as good as me! You're better than me, you're better than the best of us! You know that! Why do you think I don't feel that way?" "You're always jumping in, trying to save me to get me away from the fight to stop me from doing my job and you-I don't wanna be a chore to you!" "You are not a chore!" He sounds exasperated, not angry, "I love to watch you work, and to be around you I love seeing you do what you do and I love to help you, I'm sorry if that makes you think I see you as weak, I don't!" He even feigns crossing his heart. "I want to work with you, beside you because I think you're the best of us, really I do. I'm sorry I let the way I feel about you get in the way of your work." "What do you mean?" You look surprised at him, "what way do you feel?" "What?" "Sekijiro you just said the way you felt about me-" "I..." He looks like a deer in headlights, he furrows is eyebrows, "I guess..I just. I'm always on your case because I like to..be with you, and I can't even think about what I would do if something happened to you. Not because you're weak but because this work is dangerous and unpredictable. If it's too much I'll stop, I don't want to be in the way of your work, you do amazing work, I'm just enamored by it, by you." He shakes his head, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you in the right way." "I'm confused-" Your face is hot, "stop it this isn't funny.." "I'm not being funny, really I'm not. I'm sorry this got so out of hand. I didn't think you'd be so upset with me." "Of course I'm upset with you, why would I want you thinking I can't hold my own why I think so highly of you? When I feel the way I do?" "Are you saying you-" You laugh, "oh I'm sorry." You rub your face, "I'm sorry this is all a big misunderstanding." Your hands move to his shoulders, the side of his neck, "I didn't think you felt that way about me." "You couldn't tell I was falling in love with you? You're all I ever want to talk about." "I'm sorry I shoved you.. a lot." You rest a knee on the chair between his legs, "I'm sorry I got upset before you could explain, I'm thankful you're looking out for me." You don't let him reply before kissing him, he guides you into his lap, hands holding onto your waist. "I'm sorry I was hovering, I'm sorry I doubted you abilities-" "It's fine." You shush him, "We can make it up to each other I'm sure."

[ladyloveandjustice]

Speaking of the Sailor Moon manga, I've been thinking about the thing with Haruka and Usagi in the manga, and I think it makes more sense to me when I remember that Naoko has said Haruka is her "ideal woman" and she's also stated that Mamoru is her "ideal man" and definitely means it in a romantic sense.

Usagi is the character the reader is supposed to project on (and who Naoko has indicate she projects herself onto), and I think the whole thing suddenly makes a sort of sense when you look at it through the lens of something we often see, which is experiencing a queer fantasy but in a "safe" way where all "fault" is removed from you for that fantasy (like in Dracula, etc). Naoko wanted to explore kissing and being attracted to what she considered the "ideal woman", either for her readers or herself (or both), but OBVIOUSLY Usagi can't cheat on her boyfriend, that would be bad! So hey, Usagi is clearly attracted to Haruka, but she doesn't actually know she's a girl at first soooo! And also the cool lesbian kisses Usagi out of nowhere, so hey, Usagi didn't do anything wrong, it wasn't consensual or anything! And sure, she thinks about the kiss afterwards and even dreams about it and dreams about Haruka in both "feminine form" AND "masculine" form but it's okay, that's also not cheating, it just kind of happened. She gets Haruka telling her that gender doesn't matter and leaning towards her seductively and she gets to swoon a little and maybe actually considers receiving a kiss, but she gets interrupted. And now she can go back to Mamoru no harm, no foul, she (and the readers) got to live the fantasy but she didn't cheat on her guy or do anything wrong, it's cool.

This obviously doesn't make it good writing, as it makes Haruka come off like a horrible person and completely disregards Michiru and plays into some stereotypes, but I do kind of understand why it was this way when I think of it through that lens.

I don't think Naoko was thinking of what it said about Haruka and Michiru at all. I think Naoko put exploring that fantasy (while absolving Usag and (thus the reader) of all responsibility) above all. And is that progressive or good? No, but I can sympathize with wanting to live out that fantasy. Maybe Naoko didn't want to face her own feelings and fantasies, or she understood her readers wouldn't want to, so they get to live out their fantasy this way.

Notably, she's also a fan of Takarazuka and based Haruka off that, which is very commonly how female fans experiencing the thrill of being attracted to a woman but hey she's playing a "male role" so does it really count? They get to experience that attraction is a "safe" way and then go home, put that attraction in its box, and resume their lives without having to face and unpack those kind of feelings they don't want to deal with. It's just a fantasy, it doesn't "count", but you can always go back to swooning over the hot girl. because she's sticking around and continuing to be hot and protective of and devoted to you.

It's a very 90s approach, but I kind of get it.

[electraslight]

Gwen Tennyson is one of my favorite characters in anything ever but there's this pervasiveness in this fandom that shes. Well. A nice, good person. And I don't really like that, especially when shes absolved of her very clear faults to the detriment of other characters. Basically all of Gwen and Kevin's relationship is Gwen doing things to Kevin that, in a normal show, she would be made to apologize for, like rushing him into a relationship when he has made it clear he is not interested at that moment, trying to make him jealous and putting their whole team in danger (which is entirely put on bens shoulders and not hers), hitting him as a punchline for a joke when all Kevin's done is make a silly comment, calling him ugly, blah blah blah you get my point I've been over this a billion times. There are other characters who get the short stick too. In the episode where Elena pretends to be Julie and puts the alien trio under the impression that she ditched nationals to hang out with ben, sure as a friend you'd be worried, but Gwen keeps saying over and over that it's not like julie, she shouldn't put a boy over herself, telling her she made a bad decision, even when julie tells her no, I've made my decision, I don't want to talk about this. Gwen does not respect anyone's boundaries even people like Kevin, Julie, and Ben, who are supposed to be her friends. But people in the fandom characterize Gwen as sweet, kind, helpful, never in the wrong ever even when she is doing something horrible. Remember when people used to say that "Gwen didn't deserve kevin" not because of the constant belittling of his interests, lack of appreciation of his boundaries (see also: those scenes in Trade Off where Kevin repeatedly takes her hand off of him and she keeps trying to touch him anyway), and general nastiness, but because Kevin, who was at the time under the impression that Gwen was getting tired of him (wonder why he'd think that what with her calling him hideous every other episode) got groomed, assaulted, and enslaved. And that's his fault I guess because he's a guy and guys can't get abused. Gwevin is so good you guys the only problem is Kevin,the guy who left his entire support system to go live with his girlfriend, the guy who carries her bags and nonstop talks about how much he lives her when she can never muster up a word to say about him besides "He's nice" and "he's changed". Gwen is always in the right because shes a girl boss character who is not allowed to have flaws besides being stuck up or whatever, and it's totally OK if she needlessly suspects everyone around her and crosses the boundaries of basically everyone she talks to. Read me this: if you think female characters should be strong, why shouldn't you acknowledge Gwen's flaws? Why is it better to have a character who's kind, sweet, motherly, badass but only in ways that won't upstage the male main character, than an awkward, horrible teenage girl who loves people so strongly she strangles them, who's overly paranoid based on her own biases, who views her friends as projects she can fix, but God she is trying so hard. God, I'm begging you, please factor this in to your Gwen fanworks, I'm so tired of her being portrayed as a good person. Shes not a good person. Shes a 16 year old girl.

(Also sorry I talked so much about gwevin its just that Gwen isn't allowed to be her own person outside of men in this show)

[nutklcker]

I'm thinking about Curly and the fact the fandom is kinda slowly turning on him and starting to,,, blame him? More than Jimmy? And I've just been thinking about that

Like the takeaway from the game that Curly did not do the right thing and was not good at taking care of the crew is DEFINITELY an important, if not the most important, takeaway. Being constantly aware of toxic masculinity causing the bystander effect in others who feel like they have to cover for the toxic ppl is VERY IMPORTANT and I don't want to confuse people into going "Curly did nothing wrong!" "He's just a victim too it's not his fault!" "He didn't need to be responsible for Jimmy's actions!" Cuz that's just dangerous

But I do wanna dive into the fact that I think his actions (lackthereof) aren't just due to toxic masculinity and that feeling many cis men have where they have to cover for other toxic men and try to downplay all negative situations. Maybe it's just that I relate too much to Curly but it really seems to me that, after Anya, he's the most abused by Jimmy.

Like, I rewatched the Curly's Birthday Party scene where Jimmy not only berates him BRUTALLY but does so IN FRONT OF EVERYONE ELSE (/nm) AND Curly doesn't stand up for himself after the first few attempts, which will come back later. Jimmy verbally abuses him so comfortably (seen via 1.him doing it in front of everyone else 2.the fact he got Curly to shut up really fast and 3.the fact nobody stepped in to help Curly/stop Jimmy (which in Anya's case is so fair she was like having a panic attack but I was really expecting Swansea to say something or Daisuke to try and defuse)) really makes it seem like that's a common occurrence. The fact that the crew is used to it just feels like not only has he done that before but he does it frequently enough that even Daisuke, the last minute new hire, is used to it

Like when I first saw that scene my first thought was oh shit Jimmy really does abuse EVERYONE indiscriminately. But it kinda seems like the fandom forgot how quick and comfortable he was verbally abusing Curly On His Birthday Celebration, In Front Of Everyone.

And then, what I said earlier about Curly trying to fight back a little at first before giving up and just taking the beratement 100% applies to the scene where Jimmy beats Curly after giving him his pills. The same thing happens there, Curly screams out at first but eventually stops and just whimpers/cries while Jimmy beats him until he's done, at which point Curly starts full-on crying.

And again, this doesn't absolve him of the fact he didn't help Anya. Not one fucking bit. Like, as much as it's played for irony in game it was, to a pretty big extent, his responsibility as captain to make sure that his crew could coexist. And he SHOULD have done more to stop Jimmy. I'm not saying he's innocent, I'm saying that the assumption that he was a bystander to Jimmy's actions simply due to toxic masculinity influencing men to cover for one another is a little inaccurate. It's definitely the more important takeaway because being conscious of the dangers around you is important. It's just that seeing the specific ways he was abused by Jimmy and how he reacted to it makes me feel like it was less of a toxic masculinity thing and more of a Fawn response thing, because he DEFINITELY was a victim of Jimmy's abuse too. And I feel like that's a little important, both to show how men can abuse and manipulate one another and to show how abuse in general can make more than the abuser a danger to others (in the sense of people who are abused are less likely to speak out when they see other abuse, because they're used to it (speaking from experience, not being an asshole)). But I really don't want this leading people to baby Curly and excuse him from not sticking up for Anya more, cuz it's not an excuse, it's an explanation, a further development. He is still at fault for not doing more, but I this the reason he didn't do more isn't a toxic masculinity thing but an abuse victim thing

(Also it's interesting to see how Jimmy doesn't fuck with Swansea very much. I assume it's because he knows he can't topple Swansea, yet he's already toppled Curly and Anya so they're the easiest victims of his abuses. He knows Swansea would fight back, but he already has Curly wrapped around his little finger and Anya severely traumatized so he just focuses on them instead. Also this is in reference to the fact he doesn't try to go around Swansea and get into the Util/Cryopod room until he thinks Anya's hurt Curly. It's like he's afraid of Swansea, which he should be <3)

[atopvisenyashill]

i’m seeing some discussion of the daemon / alyssa parent child thing invoking your interpretation of the fucked up saera / old man jae dynamic, but also of the alysanne / baelon dynamic, which i had never thought very deeply about. do you have any thoughts? really appreciate how you recontextualized jaehaerys btw, it’s well thought out and compelling and really plausible to me

It's definitely one I find fascinating and interesting, if kind of...opaque I suppose. I think Alysanne is very much projecting onto Baelon and Alyssa, in that she sees herself and her relationship with Jaehaerys in them, but like, she's also purposefully making their relationship into an echo of hers with Jaehaerys.

I think the fact that Alyssa is technically the second daughter is what really helps Alysanne project onto them - Aemon was meant for Daenerys, so when Alysanne sees Alyssa displaying very typical childlike behavior where she wants to play with her brother who is near in age to her, she decides this must mean they are in love the way she was "in love" with Jaehaerys, younger son. I think this is also why she gets so weird about Viserra attempting to seduce Baelon...for her it's almost like someone attempting to seduce Jaehaerys away from her. I think it almost ties back to her conflict with Rhaena and the way it never resolved. Rhaena and her have that argument about how Alysanne stole her crown - and Rhaena isn't wrong because there's no reason Jaehaerys shouldn't have married Rhaena or Aerea if he was so dead set on incest marrying, but he chose Alysanne, the "ugly" sister, just like Baelon "chose" Alyssa, the "uglier" sister...and then Rhaena and Alysanne never make up. Rhaena blames Alysanne for Aerea's death. Rhaena blames Alysanne for her unhappiness. Rhaena is not allowed to truly own Dragonstone. Rhaena retreats to Harrenhal and seems to completely ignore her family for the rest of her life. I think Viserra (and Saera) resemble Rhaena in look, while Alyssa obviously favors her mother, and Baelon likely favors Jaehaerys. So for Alysanne it's like,,, this is how it was meant to be. The "pretty" sister needs to get over herself, it's not the ugly one's fault that the Handsome King chose her, it was love!

For Alysanne, it has to be love! It can't be grooming, it can't be lust, it can't be because anyone wanted the throne. Love absolves her of every bad thing she might have done to make Rhaena's life worse. Baelon is not allowed to have loved another, to have lusted after another, but Alyssa. She has to be his true love, to prove that Alysanne is Jaehaerys' true love, and Alysanne has no responsibility for the way Rhaena's life exploded. This is why I think it makes sense that Baelon would have a bastard he refuses to claim like Ulf - he can't let his mother know that he still feels desire, or even wants companionship, it would break her heart. He has to be a grieving widow forever. I genuinely don't even buy that he wasn't interested in Viserra. I think he rejected her because he knows Alysanne had a plan for her, knows Alysanne would never approve of him remarrying, and doesn't want to let her down.

I wish desperately that we had a glimpse into whether this dynamic changed after he was named heir. As his mother's health is declining, does Baelon reach for her? The mother who resembles his long dead wife? Or does Alysanne perhaps associate him so much with Jaehaerys and with her own projections that she rejects him? After her marital rape, after everything she's worked for regarding Rhaenys inheriting coming crashing down, after Aemon's death, after Baelon doesn't attempt to give the crown to Rhaenys in any way...does Baelon become Jaehaerys in her mind as well? The son she worked so hard to turn into her Perfect White Knight is just like every other man. How can she look him in the eyes again? I've always felt that she cuts him off. Him, Viserys, Daemon, Aemma, I think she writes them all off in her mind and I think she never makes up with any of them. There's no argument, it's just a sudden wall she puts up between them. Baelon doesn't know how to bring it down because he's always taken his cues from her, so he doesn't try. Viserys wants it taken down but every time he tries it makes things worse. Daemon is too young to care, and then too angry to bother. She dies only on speaking terms with Rhaenys and Maegelle and Jocelyn, because she can't stand it, can't live with the fact that maybe these lofty ideals she'd been working towards were an illusion. She's only ever been drawing a charcoal window on the wall of her prison instead of breaking down the walls to be free.

[the-church-of-mombi]

tl;dr: I think that a lot of Mormons believe in less harmful versions of the religion, and expect others to do the same to avoid being harmed and then blame them if they are harmed instead of the church for requiring such mental gymnastics. I also think that straight members aren't as aware of the harmful teachings, or they haven't given it much thought.

The church's doctrine, attitudes, common beliefs, etc. about LGBT things (and also other topics, as well) really effected me negatively.

But, eventually, I did mental gymnastics and believed in a version of Mormonism that I knew would be considered wrong (and likely rightfully and logically so) but was necessary for my mental health. And, in doing so, I saw the ways that the church hurt me as *my* fault, and I started blaming other gay Mormons and exmormons for not doing the mental gymnastics I did to avoid that harm. I suspect that the members who minimize the suffering of others might be doing the same.

Eventually I realized that it is ridiculous to expect people to do mental gymnastics to not be harmed by a religion. The existence of people who are able to believe in a version that does not harm them doesn't absolve this religious institution for responsibility when it's teachings can reasonably be said to likely cause harm. (This also makes aspects of doctrine like living prophets who receive revelation and are supposed to guide the church all the more frustrating, but I digress.)

I think there might also be a bit of a disconnect between the experiences of progressive straight Mormons and gay Mormons. If you are a straight Mormon, you might not be aware of the details of the church's stance. You might not know, for example, that the church teaches that homosexuality is like a disability or disease, and that it will be "cured", "fixed", in the afterlife. Or you probably haven't given what you do know much thought. But, if you are a gay Mormon, you're probably worried about your salvation and have read a lot of what the apostles have said about homosexuality.

That teaching, in combination with stuff like having the importance and fulfillment of marriage drilled into us and being told not to be celibate because it brings unhappiness when it was assumed we were straight (the topical guide for celibacy still redirects to the page for marriage), contributed to the suicidal thoughts of myself and other gay members.

A lot of us were led to believe that we needed to marry to be happy or fulfill our purpose, or both (it's the Plan of Happiness, after all), so being a gay Mormon for many feels like waiting to die. Your life becomes a roadblock. Suicide starts to seem like a logical solution.

Ironically, now that I left the church and can have gay relationships, I can picture myself living a happy life while single.

[utilitycaster]

🔥 each member of vox machina

Vax: really the sadboy narrative for Liam has always been stupid but it's egregiously bad that it started with Vax, who is like, sad for maybe a fifth of the episodes and largely because Liam O'Brien's actual mother was dying, like, with all due respect what the actual fuck, fandom.

Vex: I am the founding and probably only member of the "Vex is my favorite character and also I am 100% cool with Colville's depiction of her." The generosity she shows even very early on in C1 is still a generosity borne of some degree of security - they have a keep by then - and I also just don't think you have to like a character to write them fairly. Granted it's been a minute since I read early VMO but nothing stood out to me as out of line with my understanding of Vex.

Pike: repeating myself once again but I like Pike a lot and wish we could have seen more, but because we didn't, people who say she's their favorite in C1 do tend to turn me off in that I feel they're looking for a relatively flat and widely praised character to project onto rather than a character who goes through more messy development.

Grog: I think he's often underestimated and I was guilty of doing so myself, to be honest, until I saw Travis play more and until I personally got better at D&D. Also I still maintain that playing INT 6 sensitively and well is infinitely harder than playing INT 16, all things considered, and this is yet another reason why people should play high INT more often.

Scanlan: Also underestimated; I do understand being turned off by the whole extremely horny playboy thing but as I've said before Bard's Lament is a major litmus test for me: if you think Scanlan is completely at fault here, you are wrong, and if you think he's not partially at fault, you are also wrong.

Tary: I genuinely love him and think he's a great character and one of Sam's best, but while his character arc is strong the Taryon Darrington Arc of the VM Campaign, through no fault of his own (and partly bc I personally think D&D Hell, especially pre-Descent Into Avernus publication, is kind of boring), is one of the weakest parts of the campaign because it's kind of a grab bag of loose ends. With that said I would happily watch more Darrington Brigade-one shots.

Percy: Percy is also generally a litmus test in that it's like. Is he a good person? Eventually I believe he becomes one, and even before that I think he's very sympathetic and deeply traumatized and like, 24, so I get it, but also, who the fuck cares. This ties into the Essek and the Ashton opinions and all kinds of other stuff but why are people so invested in fucking absolving their blorbo of all sins? I want someone who's lived enough of a life to have done some heinous shit because that's fun and interesting and it's pretend and also because then they can have a rewarding character arc by either working towards redemption or coming to terms with who they are or spiraling into tragedy.

Keyleth: I like Keyleth a lot but I am, as this post indicates, far more sympathetic to Vex, and so while I do think Keyleth is a fairly good person she is also extremely sheltered and naive and terrified of doing the wrong thing and I would have, like Vex, wanted to scream at her half the time were I just a random NPC wandering about the campaign. On the other hand C3-era Keyleth? fantastic no notes she has grown up in such an interesting way.

Tiberius: I think we, and by we I mean people capable of separating the art from the artist, can recognize that his concept actually fucking slapped and unfortunately he was played by someone who absolutely sucked in a myriad of ways. I would love to see the alternate universe in which the same general concept (prodigy sorcerer from Draconia who is full of themself) had to face not just the destruction of their civilization but the realization that they were taking advantage of the Ravenites and while they did not deserve to be killed by Vorugal, had done nothing to justify aid from those they had subjugated either. Like, the alternate world in which one of the current cast members or like, a close friend of the main cast (Ashly, Erika, Mary Elizabeth) played this is one I'd love to see.

[francesderwent]

character ranking

Vi: my best girl. the sequence of her showing up in the gauntlets to rescue Vander is up there with the best fight sequences of all time. but also I really hope that his words to her about not being able to change the world with her fists come back around in her arc. I know this is a video game show and she’s the gal who fights people with her fists but I want to see her fight for peace!!

Powder: if the show doesn’t reconcile the sisters and heal her I’m going to riot. also I’m obsessed with how they laid the groundwork for her becoming Jinx in the first few episodes.

Vander: WHAT A MAN!!! what a dad!!! need more flashbacks of him forever

Ekko: the boy savior!!!! what a cool guy!!!!!!! he and Heimerdinger should be in charge of everything and usher in a golden age

Caitlyn: what will she do now that she’s not Veronica Marsing it up?? inquiring minds want to know.

Viktor: my man is living out the plot of Little Shop of Horrors without the plucky little musical numbers and I can only assume it’s not gonna end well

Jayce: My Guy Have You Ever Made A Choice That Was Not Wrong

Mel: your backstory makes you sympathetic but it does not absolve you, everything is your fault, and I hope you’re happy about what your manipulation for money and power hath wrought

special mention to:

Claggor, unproblematic king

Caitlyn’s dad

the old Enforcer captain who collaborated with Vander whose name I forget

[opheliasam]

4.16 is literally the craziest most insane episode ever . Dean goes to heaven n sees sam for who he is via his memories (assumes this must bc sam hates him despite sam having done nothing to imply that… like these were his happiest memories.. sorry his happiest moments weren’t about u or john oh my what a transgression???? like what . maybe it’s not about u or john it’s just about sam . It’s not a reflection of what he feels about you just about what makes him happy) and after seeing . Sam for who he is . he resents him bc sam does not feel all warm n cosy about home but the thing is . That’s not his fault and no one is saying that it’s dean’s fault . he just assumes that this means sam hates me and sees me at fault and resents me which makes him in turn resent sam . For being different than the way dean saw him . Which is actually so fucking crazy it makes my stomach churn—peak toxicity … and dean throws the samulet away bc his baby brother isn’t baby brother-ing and he can’t stand that. He does not like who sam is outside of his little brother—sammy. He does not like sam—the person. And so the only way he can reconcile staying with sam is by getting him to BE not sam but sammy. But samny is just baby brother—endlessly enamoured and dependent on dean, all heart eyes and hero worship. But what this means for sam is that he has to cede aspects of his personhood and autonomy away until he becomes what dean wants him to be—because that’s the only way dean can love him without resenting him. He makes himself smaller and smaller to fit into the role that dean sees him as, and it is such a small space—and sam doesn’t want to be sammy. He doesn’t, he wants to be sam but time and again the narrative punishes him for attempting to be sam until he can’t trust himself anymore and turns to dean (stone number one) and dean betrays, and lies and manipulates and changes the rules all the time, but dean can’t be wrong, right? he did it all for a reason (some reason) So . So it must mean that sam is at fault even though he had no way of knowing when the rules change or why they do.. he just knows that he doesn’t know anything, and that he’s a mess and that he needs dean and dean protects him. (this is what he believes he knows but we know that is not objective reality—prolonged abuse leads to him rationalising and even revising history just so it can portray dean in the best possible light, despite it not being the objective truth.) Because that’s the only way sam can make sense of anything.

(I’m using the rhetoric sam employs in order to make sense of the things happening to him, and the deep seated denial of his victimhood.)

Because otherwise it would mean something that it cannot possibly mean—that dean loves him but he’s also tried to kill him multiple times over and he’s violent and he doesn’t like that sam is vegan or likes smoothies or books and he doesn’t like when sam talks back or tries to question a decision and he is so angry all the time and sam is so so scared of him . But it can’t mean that . It cannot. Because that makes dean an ab—so it must be sam. It must—has to be sam’s fault, it has to be because he deserves it and sam just has to try harder at being good so that he can absolve himself. He’s not a victim. He can’t be .. he can’t be , he wants this . He does he does. He. He has to.