#it's slightly better?? not by much tho
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Actually it turns out I had more thoughts about that post that I forgot about lol
Would Nightmare actually give up his boys? Yes and no
If it was just a black and white situation of they're miserable, they don't wanna be here, they have somewhere better to be, then yes. He would leave them out to wherever they needed to be despite his own feelings and very quickly realise afterwards just how much he'd gotten used to the noise and company. I think he would get a little clingy with Dream about it, which I'm sure Dream would find very weird after everything but not unwelcome, he did miss his brother after all.
(If he couldn't attach himself to Dream's side for whatever reason, I think he might just sit in his castle and go insane. Or maybe he'd just spend all day at Ccino's trying really hard to project that he just likes the atmosphere and isn't lonely as hell)
But the thing is, most of them don't have somewhere better to be. Horror has his au, and Nightmare would keep up the supply of food even if Horror said he wanted to quit at this point, so he would understandably let him return home. Killer, Dust and Cross effectively don't have aus anymore though, and they tend to get into self-destructive habits when they're left to their own devices. (Obviously bringing Color and Epic into the mix to make sure Killer and Cross are taken care of eases matters, but Dust doesn't really have any friends outside their group he could go stay with - that Nightmare knows about at least).
The flipside of this is that his boys may not necessarily want to be given up. I think if Nightmare got really in his head about this he could easily end up convinced this is the right thing to do without ever asking them if it's what they want, with potentially terrible results. He's established such a pattern of always returning to find Killer when they get seperated, that if he never showed up Killer might just keep sitting there and waiting for him greyfriar's bobby style, refusing to leave because he's certain his boss is coming back.
#UTDR#UTMV#Dadmare#Horror and Dust might take it slightly better but I think they still wouldn't appreciate being rehomed out of the blue with no discussion#Don't get me started on Cross he has such a bad track record with people not showing up for him as it is#If Nightmare left him to live with Epic one day Cross would spend the rest of his life thinking he did something wrong#and wondering what it was that he wasn't worth keeping#I do think the idea of him getting glued to Dream's hip must be funny for Blue tho#''Yes this is the being of all negativity in the multiverse. Don't mind him we're holding hands because he gets seperation anxiety''#I feel like a lot of this could come from Color's suspicion of him. because he's very much on Killer's side from the beginning#And Nightmare wasn't good at the beginning so it's understandable. it's hard to take Killer's word that he's changed because#Killer /would/ say that whether it's true or not y'know?#But I think Color shining a light on how things began makes Nightmare reflect a lot on their situation#Not to say that Color's the bad guy or anything obviously. He's respecting Killer's decisions while also keeping a good level of suspicion#about how Nightmare treats them when he's not around#It just makes Nightmare uneasy because he's made a lot of mistakes in the past and he's still learning#He is - for now at least - very very aware of just how mortal they are#And he wants to do right by them. even if it means giving them up to better places#I need to finish my fanfic... Anyway.#Luckily for him - in this particular case - this is where they are all best suited c:#Alright I let this cook in my drafts for about 3 days with some edits it can be posted now lol
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It’s crazy how expendable all the crew members were to the Pony Express.
A 30% chance that your shipment would be lost. Cargo and crew are inseparable if we are to believe the shitty layout of the Tulpar. People use it because it’s cheap. The labor is cheap. The lives are cheap.
They are all relatively easy to forget about. It’s implied Anya and Curly don’t have many friends or much family to be concerned about them back home. She mentions nothing and no one to fall back on and he feels like wasted his life with the company. Jimmy probably only has Curly, otherwise people wouldn’t care or ask. Of course Daisuke and Swansea have family’s but Swansea thinks poorly of his and Daisuke’s poorly of him. All people in the companies eyes that wouldn’t stir up too much trouble if they became part of the 30%.
It makes it so much sadder because that ladder they were climbing was so small and shitty. There were rungs, ranks, but even the highest was barely off the ground. Jimmy wanted to reach the top of something that was brutally cut off and knocked everyone else off just to not see it.
#like yes curly was slightly better off but he’s not getting a severance package he’s a top show pony to the company#but they will just shoot him if he becomes a horse with a broken leg#Anya was likely picked cause she had enough knowledge but not enough to concretely call malpractice and Swansea was already a cog in the mix#he was an alcoholic getting back on the straight n narrow he needed it Daisuke is forced on the trip and eager to prove himself#Jimmy also need the job and got it from nepotism and won’t care as long as he’s paid#complains but yknow and Curly likely doesn’t do much but work he’s like a perfect little face man and he kinda hates it#like it’s a misconception that he was bored at the top or he needed a new ladder because he was done with this one he literally is miserable#and feels like he unfulfilled and doing nothing with his life as he’s ONLY successful in his work like he has nothing else#which makes it so mad cause Jimmy saw Curly as this guy with a perpetual golden goose but he’s just like them#like shiny gold appearances aside he’s like the second saddest like next to Anya because shes like depressed#because yknow she’s a victim but she had hopeful and happy determined prospects like Curly is just sad with his life and Swansea is chilling#like he’s made his peace even if he’s not like clicking his heals and Jimmy is less sad more angry#he’s a sad mans tho like he’s like Dan vs to me#mouthwashing#the pony express#mouthwashing game#nurse anya#anya mouthwashing#captain curly#curly mouthwashing#daisuke mouthwashing#swansea mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing
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Did I accidently write more than just a few lines of dialogue for this scene?... *shyly fumbling with fingers* 🥹👉👈 maybe...
Sorry, I suck at words and this isn't betaread nor properly proofread and I am not native english, I'm very sorry in advance...
full story down below
(Chappel Roan - Love me Anyway)
(Benson Boone - Slow it Down)
"VICE-CAPTAIN!!!!"
The tiny moving plush-like thing in his hand apparently started screaming as well now.
"WHY ALWAYS MEEE!?!?"
What looked like the chibi mini-version of the Defence Force's biggest trump card, struggled to hold on his thumb, kicking around those little feet of his.
"Well, now I'm quite curious abut THAT story..."
"I CAN'T TURN BACK AND I AM T I N Y !!! (˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )"
"I see that... How'd you even get in here?"
Tiny #8 stopped fidgeting a bit. Instead two unproportionally big round dark eyes goggled at him. It was undeniably adorable to look at. "Well after THIS happened, I couldn't grab my phone on the table anymore, so I ran around to find someone, but I figured Narumi and Kikoru would very likely take advantage of my situation and do something stupid with me."
"Oh yeah, they definitely would and I get why, honestly."
"So I ran around to find you, YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW BIG THE 1st DIVISION IS, WHEN YOU'RE LIKE THIS, OK?! And then I saw the slightly opened window and just crawled in... ༼☯﹏☯༽"
"Wait... you know where my temporary place in the 1st Division is located? Why?"
"....Coincidence? (*゚ー゚) "
He sighed. "Well just when you think you saw everything...Kafka Hibino enters the stage..."
"SIR, WHAT SHOULD I DO?? WHY ARE THESE THINGS ALWAYS HAPPENING TO ME??"
"you really want me to answer that, bud?", he barely tried to hide the undertone of his voice, which left the small creature on the palm of his hand baffled for a second.
"Wha-? HEY, MEAN!! What are you on about!?"(>д<)
"Yeah, maybe, I don't know STOP CHANGING in general, like I told you f.ex.. or maybe stick to your training routine without going OVERBOARD on a regular basis? How 'bout that?"
The big dark round eyes got even bigger with every word spoken.
"Yeah, don't look at me like that, I might coincidently got wind of stuff, you know?"
His unexpectedly open and emotional response threw Kafka off. For a second he forgot about his *tiny* main problem, his mind jumped between confused and worried and he couldn't comprehend with his reaction for now. After some awkward seconds in silence, Hoshina's tone grew significantly calmer, but still sort of off to his usual self-assured expression. "Well at least this time you're actually telling me about stuff that bothers you, huh?"
Silence again. While hanging from the palm of his Vice-Captain's hand Kafka realized something (besides his size) was different. His senses grew more aware of his surroundings to find answers.
"Are... are you drunk, sir?"
Besides the slight scent of alcohol in the air, and the - well quite obvious - bottle of sake on the table, the startled twitch on his face confirmed Kafka's guess was right. Other than the sake the only other thing on the table were some snacks. Another odd thing to Kafka, who was used to see Hoshina's surroundings stuffed with documents, loose papers, books and other work related things.
The silence lingered around them uncomfortably. To Kafka's suprise Hoshina was seemingly struggling with words. A look on his face Kafka couldn't remember seeing before. Now his mind definitely jumped to 'worried'.
Hoshina tried to mimic an insulted face and looked away. "A little tippsy at most... I'm off-duty for tonight.." Besides the slightly blushed nose and cheeks, Kafka now noticed some dark circles under red eyes. "..and despite my gut telling me better, I assumed I probably won't be needed anymore today, and that I could hang loose a little. It's not my Division after all, there's another Captain and Vice-Captain in charge here. So I might as well make use of that chance... Should have known, it would end up that way or another.. " He smiled a bit and Kafkas felt like his heart clenching from the sight. "Although I definitely should have placed my bet on YOU to be the reason for that." He chuckled lightly, while his expressions grew somewhat softer.
"I'm sorry, Sir."
"Nah, it's fine. As if I didn't get used to your-"
"I never put much thought to it, but ever since the Defence Force started preparing for the big counter attack on #9 your workload must've at least doubled in the 3rd and 1st Division.. and here I am still taking over the rest of your time as well..."
"Don't like where this is going, officer... You're not starting pitying me, are ya?"
"No I-...I just feel like.. I didn't realize, and there for not appreciated your work enough.." Silence. "And also.." The tiny kaiju had his look glued to the floor in front of him for a while now. "I know you told me to brush it off earlier but,... I truly regret ... not telling you about... #8 n'stuff.. I'm sorry... I'd change that if I could.."
A small plushy-sized Kaiju was gently put back on the ground again. Hoshina scratched his nose for a second, before bending far back to the other side of the room. He grabbed for his smartphone that was burried in piles of carelessly pushed aside documents.
"As I said. You're here now, aren't ya?" When he got his phone he chose to stay laid down on the floor and started typing something on the lightened screen.
A tiny transformed Kafka carefully made his way around and walked up on eye-level with Hoshina's face again. Once again overwhelmed by his current state of being, he let himself fall back on the floor and sat on the ground. "So... what should I do?"
"The first thing WE do is trying to make some calls. But since you seem to be in no life-threatening condition, we might have to wait 'till tomorrow for a first medical examination. If that's the case you'll stay, and I get you down to the lab first thing in the morning."
"Wait!" The tiny Kaiju made a suprisingly far jump right up to Hoshina's chest and pressed the (for him very big) red hang-up button on the screen with both paws. "You're right about that, I won't die this second from being tiny, so we might as well wait for tomorrow."
The questioning look on the opposite's face made a tiny Kafka look away and scratch his neck shyly. "Well, since you're ... I dunno,... I feel like, I can't have you be seen d-dru- .. like this by other officials of the 1st Division, b-because of me..."
A finger poked his forehead, which caused a tiny being like him to fall right back landing on warm soft fabric of Hoshina's shirt.
"Idiot. But you might be right about that."
#kn8#kaiju no 8#fanart#kafka hibino#soshiro hoshina#kafhoshi#kafhoshi pls come and calm my mind#I don't know why but I get a thing out of slightly fed up Hoshina.. he would never actually be pissed at kafka tho#but I always thought like.. boy this man can't have that much energy / caffeine for all the stuff he is responsible for at#and I love storylines that could theoretically fit into canon#went through my pile of shame aka. WIPs I abandoned#tried working on some and failed#sticked to this one then.#mediocre happy with both text and fanart#guess its because of my mood tho#I had some weird days I tell ya...#ADHD problems all the way#like i broke a piece of my tooth AND my car lol the irony#there would be days I'll handle these things better but I'm very much ignoring my problems rn#my dad felt the need to help out his “little girl” once more and took care of the car for me#I'm really thankful for it but at the same time I feel horrible 'cause I'm like 31 ;_; I should handle my own sht rn n I feel like I can't#also my HAND is ITCHING for DAYS#these are the most unreasonable and confusing tags right here sry#I'm sure I'll laugh about it in a few months looking back at it (´◡`)#icy's art
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pick your poison
Chuuya had always found that chasing the sting of betrayal with the burn of anger was far smoother than the jagged edges of heartbreak. With anger, its aftertaste had the spice of a lie that would weigh down his tongue and dull his senses, but after enough shots, he could forget the bitter taste of betrayal that lingered behind the burn. Heartbreak would refuse to leave his mouth for days, he’d cough and watch his own blood splatter on his fist from the shards still lodged stubbornly within his throat. The aftertaste of rust would linger on his tongue for months to follow, forcing him to swallow every new sentence with the hint of neveragainneveragain souring every word.
Anger was better. Anger was easier. When his family the Sheep betrayed him, he downed the anger quicker than the heartbreak could register. It turned on him, the way it almost always did. He wouldn’t have had a knife lodged in his gut, rat poison sinking into his bloodstream, if he had been better. The Flags always argued with him on that. He still whispers ‘i told you so’ when he drops flowers off at Albatross’s grave. He can’t look at any of their headstones, but he requested Mori to bury him next to his fallen friends when he inevitably goes. Dazai had complained, whining and throwing a tantrum. The same shit it always was with him, loud cries of but you’re my dog, as if his friends hadn’t just died because of Chuuya’s lack of fucking humanity. It’d be easier to deal with if Dazai really was throwing a tantrum just to be immature. He clocked it for what it was, the second Dazai’s jaw clenched when he overheard Chuuya’s request, he was trying to goad Chuuya, to annoy him, but it wasn’t out of spite–for once. No, Dazai was trying to hand Chuuya a bottle of his favorite prescription and be the punching bag for the anger that would follow. Chuuya would often find himself sipping a glass of wine and wishing he could find it within himself to hate Dazai.
Dazai, who orchestrated the first betrayal, who had figured out the core of who Chuuya was so perfectly that he knew he’d rather sacrifice his soul than betray the group that had just betrayed him. Dazai, who was the reason Chuuya was in the Port Mafia in the first place, Dazai, the only person in Chuuya’s life that he couldn’t get rid of, whether he wanted him around or not.
It only started to scare him when he realized the idea of a life with Dazai constantly around the corner wasn’t so terrifying anymore.
He noticed when the little light in Dazai’s eyes would flicker out completely and they’d go to the arcade, or the grunts he hung around would take him drinking. When one of them was revealed to be a traitor, Chuuya couldn’t bring himself to talk to Dazai. He knew he should’ve, but the old taste of heartbreak had morphed into a bitter form of cruel satisfaction, rising up into his throat as though it was bile from a hellish hangover.
How’d it feel to be the one manipulated into losing something you loved?
When the other one had passed, Chuuya did reach out. He ignored the bloody taste of heartbreak and the easy offer of anger in his hands and instead tried to contact Dazai. Grief had held hands with him his whole life and as much as his partner annoyed him, he knew first hand how guilt would follow. Dazai didn’t respond to any of them. After five hours, his calls and messages stopped going through. His worry tasted like soured wine, left in the barrel for eons too long. His mind conjured up countless scenarios of Dazai finally finding a successful suicide route, and whatever rest he had planned to achieve that night was quickly lost in his own mind.
When the news finally broke that Dazai had turned traitor, the chaser of anger hit his throat before the sting of betrayal could even touch it. His anger stayed outwards, a rare occurrence, but one that he appreciated nonetheless. It tasted like fire on his tongue, sent a warmth running through his veins, and a constant awareness humming in his bones. Anger was always easier.
By the time Tachihara had messaged him that Dazai was captured with a following ‘don’t do anything stupid’ plea attached, he couldn’t remember what the rust of heartbreak tasted like or how the tang of sourness from worry would crease the lines of his face.
The only taste that remained was the steady spark of anger on his tongue. He supposed it made sense, in a cruel, twisted way.
It was, after all, the only thing that stayed.
#chuuya nakahara#bsd chuuya#bungou stray dogs#bsd#bungo stray dogs fanfic#bsd dazai osamu#dazai osamu#bsd dazai#angst#chuuya deserves the world#i will not be giving him it tho#soukoku#mentioned slightly but i wanted this to be more chuuya centric#oda mention because he deserves better too#i hate the sheep can you tell#the flags#they deserved so much bettter#spade stars
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#karolina muchova#wta tennis#sorry dont mind me i am testing out gif making methods#the unfortunate realization i have come to is that i either make long gifs with mid quality and zero customization#or i make super short gifs with slightly better quality and as much customization as i can handle skill-wise (which is not a lot)#so not great either way.#practice‚ people!#the first gif is crazy tho...#the way she. the way. hold on#its funny bc i actually made this to capture the second part really#where she laughs and goes 'sorry' bc her answer was kind of abrupt#but the first one is now............#ok anyways
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quite pleasantly surprised by wicked movie but i Will say we were robbed of elphaba leaning in close to glinda saying “come with me to the emerald city” followed by glinda’s “i’ve always wanted to see the emerald city” while looking deep into her eyes arms around her shoulders twirling elphaba’s hair
#not sure if this was unique to the last time i saw wicked but either way. shoutout to those two leads fr 😘✌🏻 <- that’s me kissing#two fingers and holding them out btw#personal#other notes:#- fiyero looked too old sorry but he did perform pretty well#- still unreasonably annoyed by ariana’s eyebrows being so pale and blending into her skin under certain lightings esp when they gave her#giant black lashes like at least be consistent 💀#- otherwise pretty pleasantly surprised by her performance there were still moments esp when she laughed where i was like this is too#‘ariana’ and not ‘glinda’ enough but for the most part she did wayyy better than i had anticipated#- the instrumentation to vocal balancing was weird throughout but i’m not sure if that came down mostly to it being in theatre vs on a home#tv ik it can depend on how they designed it#- was not a fan of nessa or madame morrible the way both of them sang and even how madame morrible spoke sometimes came off very stilted to#me i did like nessa’s spoken delivery tho#- not sure how but i had no clue abt the kristen/idina cameo ahjdf the way my mom#grandma and me all gasped#- cynthia did well i wasn’t concerned abt her initially but then saw the way they were marketing with her and got a little worried bc it#wasn’t very ‘elphaba’ but she portrayed her personality great#- they paced defying gravity weird i wasn’t super fond of the end. the bit where she’s falling and facing her younger self i was like okay#this is a cool change actually but then they interrupted in the middle again after that and suddenly cut to the ‘nobody in all of oz’ bit#and i went mmmm don’t like that#- liked the effects!#- wasn’t overly fond of jeff goldblum as the wizard but i suppose there is time to change my opinion there with act ii#- enjoyed what is this feeling flipping btwn so many settings to show how much they were clashing in every respect#- costumes!!#- was slightly bothered by autotune first half and then im not sure if they cut back on it or if i just got used to it#- probably more stuff that i might add later but can’t think of rn. overall nice experience don’t plan on rewatching anytime soon but still#intend to see part 2#wicked 2024 spoilers#<- for the cameo mention mainly
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i lov posting only my ugliest pictures and worst words to tumblr i was born to b a loser i won’t even try to hide it i refuse actually
#i used to do this on Insta too baxk when i had it#(tho slightly cooler)#like I lov to keep the expectations low and then when ppl meet me they r like oh Shi u kinda diff irl#which is stupid to continue here bc i aint meeting most u ever#oh well#hope it makes u feel better about urself lmao#actually wait i think I am more loser irl now i am so boring but BACK IN THE DAY it was diffferent#i was different (better)#(dying) (silly) (fun)#(much prettier even)#now i must find my personality again#don’t read this tags#im not real#bye
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So far I'm honestly a lot better at drawing Puzzles with the big cartoony eyes than the white dot ones for the moment
#💬 rory rambles#but it's a lot of fun jdfghkhjgl#my arm is getting better little by little so I can sketch :3 yippie#btw I finished the Waluigi arc. it was. an arc#Tari was the highlight of it for me#girl lore!!!!!!!!#Meggy was so different tho... for obvious reasons. feels like a separate character#that's also true for SMG4. again obvious reasons#also back here not everyone had subtitles just the otherwise unintelligible ones which slightly annoys me#I appreciate Subtitles For All because I am not a native speaker and it helps me process#I don't care for the Wario brothers. a superpower that's fueled by receiving rejection and hate is a cool concept for a villain though#I gotta check out what Saiko's deal is#also wdym SMG3 actually has a psych degree#I'm thinking I'll do the Lawsuit Arc next because honestly I don't know if I'll care for much of the rest. Anime YouTube and Genesis sound-#-like they contain important lore but is it worth it. hmm hmm#the old designs bother me and the humor always did#but my perfectionistic ass will never start writing anything for this fandom until I feel I have an adequate understanding of The Lore#glimpsed a Wattpad oneshot where Mr Puzzles and Meggy make breakfast and the comments pointed out how Meggy can't cook for shit#and would've canonly realistically burnt the kitchen down#a variation of my worst nightmare
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An excruciatingly long slow-burn fanfiction could fix him. (Debatable)
#spoken from personal experience#slowburn anything long enough you can fix that evil evil man#we love him as he is in this house tho#anyways there is actual good slowburn vox fics that do let him change for the better like realistically with all his evil on full display#they are very good#he is fucked up but we can make him slightly less fucked up#as a treat#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel vox#hazbin vox#vox hazbin hotel#i like evil men as much as the next but he is just so pathetic to me#pathetic pathetic man#something something when all of the characters are evil (hell) sometimes you crave the opposite of what you would usually want
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Or even better, you can become a YouTuber. That way you can edit your streams or just ramble non-stop about lore for shit you like
oh i fear that'd involve listening to my voice and i'd rather die than do that
#snap chats#there's no sound i hate more in the world than my own voice. that and forks scraping against plates but anyways#the idea's always sounded fun to me and im a firm believer you shouldnt let small things like hating your voice stop you#so who knows ... youd have to shoot me to get serious lore review videos out of me tho LMAO#i am NOT intelligente nor organized enough for that. im just a silly man on the internet#in any case i did used to post stream vods to my youtube. and then i deleted all of theme vjEAKJAEKVJ#at least with vods i could just post them since Theyre Vods theyre meant to be unedited and not reviewed and whatever#i did think of editing streams down so its not just like three hours of dead air and then SOMETHING mildly interesting happening#idk. maybe ill try recording a rivals vid tomorrow or something#see the idea of streaming just might be awkward if i want to look at chat tho since i only have one monitor buuut i do have a phone#and my tablet or whatever. i used to use my phone as a Slightly Better webcam than my cpu's built-in one but anyway#im putting too much thought into something im probably not gonna even do vJLKVJAELKJ#i like thinking ... cause again i just think itd be fun and silly and fun ..#OH WELL
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Shadows of Fear: At Occupier's Risk (1.3, Thames, 1971)
"I happened to look into one of the other rooms and there were dust sheets."
"If there were other guests, you would have seen them."
"I once lived in a flat for six months and never saw anyone in the house. Heard them, yes, but never saw them."
"No. There's no one else here."
"Good."
#shadows of fear#at occupier's risk#1971#single play#horror tv#thames#classic tv#richard harris#peter duguid#gemma jones#annette crosbie#anthony bate#tom chadbon#john swindells#the best of the plays so far; feels like a notable upswing in quality‚ tho to be clear this is still a very visibly cheap production#all rickety sets and awful CSO backgrounds to suggest people are outdoors. but the get here is that cast: three peerless actors in their#prime. Jones and Crosbie were already making names for themselves but would go onto much bigger and better#Bate is one of my favourite actors and really deserved to be a bigger name‚ he was never less than phenomenal#the script is a winner here‚ too. it's much more consciously theatrical than the previous two‚ in that slightly unnatural way that much#tv drama of the 60s and 70s was (an acquired taste i suspect‚ but as a lover of british theatre of the mid 20th century suffice to say im a#fan). it's an intelligently written‚ and mischievously obscured play; difficult (imo) to guess exactly where it's going but easy to be#misled by some ever so helpful red herrings and delicately worked misdirection. the style allows for some shamelessly wordy scenes#between some seriously great actors‚ too‚ in which much is said but even more left unsaid or just implied (rightly or wrongly as it turns#out). yes a very decent old potboiler of an old spooky tale and i shouldn't be surprised if it turns out to be one of the most memorable#tho that said‚ i didn't remember it really at all from watching this series all those years ago...
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don't worry about me or where i am, i'm in my wonderland
reference used
#aldis posting#wotr#pwotr#it's been too long I changed her design slightly oops#i thought a heart/spade shaped tail would be cuter than the pointy little tail thing i gave her before#the soft edges fit her personality so much better#not going to get rid of her claws tho sorry she needs some pointy bits#pathfinder wrath of the righteous#my oc#my art#aldis my beloved sorry i've neglected u bb girl
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i just love that a show as big as doctor who came out with its whole chest and said FUCK YOU TERFS YOU ACTIVELY MAKE LIFE DANGEROUS FOR TRANS PEOPLE AND YOU HAVE NO PLACE HERE
like tysm, russell t davies <3
(also finally justice for donna)
#i know rtd had some issues in the past but the new dr who ep was so good it was some growth#i wasn't sure about david tennant's return b/c as much as i love him it feels like a step backwards but this was good#i do think jodie whittaker deserved better tho#doctor who#doctor who spoilers#doctor who special#episode 1 was so cute and i also loved the meep#which i think was a puppet? i hope because it was good and looked puppety in the best way (also love a chaotic evil villain)#trans#i think my only note as a non binary person is it bugs me slightly when people try to explain non binary in fantasy/sci fi#like the “whole you're non binary because of x” trope but ill let it slide this once#it's just so big for something that big to come out and tell off the dangerous fascist bigots for once#doctor who special spoilers#sex education did it a bit too in s4 but that show's not as big as doctor who but i still appreciated it
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when i get over my social anxiety + learn to properly socialize, its over for all of you mfs
#(this will never happen)#(my social anxiety is horrible)#(im even scared to send anonymous asks)#actually tho#its gotten slightly better since i joined Tumblr 😭#not much..#but my social anxiety online is less !!#does that make sense#💀#𖤐 rambles#social anxiety#anxitey
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Hirano to Kagiura light novel translation 4-1
Chapter 4: Fall.
Part 1
Prev || Next
It might be September by now, but the sun’s rays know no bounds.
Heat from the weather aside, the schoolhouse on the coattails of summer break is permeated with the fervor of the students.
Among all those in the athletic clubs who have undergone away games and training camps, there are many who have deepened both their tans and their virility. The sense of achievement characteristic of those who kept up with their exercise lives within their growth spurts.
Hirano’s roommate is, once again, one of them.
Kagiura, who’s gotten a bit taller, has gotten used to high school, completely devoid of the anxiety he’d seemed to have around the time he’d started school.
Since they’d met up over the summer, he’s become more and more relaxed, and Hirano can’t help but think of him as a beloved younger brother.
Wait, but younger brothers don’t do things like give you earrings, do they?
Hirano isn’t really in a position to judge, with no siblings of his own.
He’d found his original earrings while organizing his luggage after returning from Kagiura’s countryside home. They’d fallen into his school bag and hidden themselves beneath the stiff bottom plate.
What should I do about it? he’d wondered, but figured well, whatever, and didn’t bother switching out his new ones. He’ll keep them in the dorm just in case, but ultimately plans to keep using the ones Kagiura gave him.
As soon as the new term starts, preparations for the Cultural Festival are full speed ahead. Even the first years, who aren’t used to running events without the guidance of a faculty member, are gradually gaining opportunities to build character. The Executive Committee members have so many responsibilities that it has become difficult to carry out their studies without the cooperation of their classmates.
Kagiura also has the situation of being part of the ‘Sports Recommendation Squad’, and his grades are not up to snuff. It would be good if they don’t take a hit from his extracurricular responsibilities, but that will come down to his own efforts.
It’s not just the Executive Committee members who are swamped. The students in the culture clubs are also at their busiest, and with the autumn tournament right around the corner, there’s no way the athletics clubs can cut back on practices.
The sweltering nights have yet to abate; yet despite these conditions which could even be called cruel, most of the students are eagerly awaiting the Cultural Festival. You might even get away with saying all of them.
Because, after all, girls come to visit the cultural festival.
And even without that element, a festival is still a festival.
This is a time when the whole student body is restless, so the Disciplinary Committee will be on top of keeping everyone in line—or such is their public stance, but they won’t be too strict about moderating uniforms and hair styles.
In any case, a high proportion of the students will be in costumes on the day of the festival.
There's also at least one class cross-dressing every year.
This year, that’s right, it's the class that Hirano is unfortunately a part of. More specifically, it's been decided that Hirano will be one of the ones in drag.
Oiwa-san—a famous spirit who makes an appearance in the Yotsuya Kaidan.¹
There are many variations of the famous ghost story, in which Oiwa, the deceased wife, holding a grudge over the betrayal of her husband, Iemon, slaughters every last person involved. Apparently, they will be basing the makeup off of Tōkaidō Yotsuya Kaidan², which is popular among Hirano’s classmates.
He’d been shown reference images of the ghost, her face half disfigured and inflamed by poison, but the picture was nightmare fuel when viewed in the dark.
Supposedly it’s a style of Halloween makeup that’s been popular in recent years, but the trial makeup that had been applied to his arm after school in order to match the shade to his face had been truly grotesque.
This information is to be kept top secret until the last possible minute on the day of, in the interests of building hype.
While Hirano is putting away his homework, the door opens with a click.
His roommate is home.
It’s still bright outside, but the dining hall is just about to open for dinner.
“Hirano-san, I’m home!”
“Welcome home, Kagi-kun.”
These days, Kagiura usually gets a bit bashful in reply to Hirano’s greeting, seemingly tickled. So naive and innocent he must be, making such an expression with no fear of being misunderstood.
There were days they’d spent together, but summer vacation had been long.
There’s an air of a different kind of newness from the one there’d been in the period before they’d gotten used to sharing a dorm—Kagiura probably feels it too. At least, Hirano thinks so.
He feels closer to Kagiura compared to before. After all, he’s met his immediate and extended family, so of course they’d feel more intimate. It’s as if the part of himself that had been on guard while thinking about how to act as a senpai in his second year in the dorms has been absolved.
After Hirano had filled out his print-outs as if in competition with Kagiura, who’d spread out his homework in a frenzy, they’d headed to the dining hall a little later than usual.
It always takes him about 3 or 4 days to get back into the swing of dorm life.
Speaking of which, he thinks.
Before Kagiura moved into the dorms, Hirano had been quite nervous.
He’d talked to Hanzawa about it one time when the Disciplinary Committee had a meeting, and they’d brainstormed strategies to avoid scaring Kagiura off.
He’d also felt it would be a waste of his efforts if he was only friendly at the beginning of their time spent living together; thus, they’d come to the conclusion that it wouldn’t be too far out of Hirano’s depths to give him a nickname and use “-kun”.
Oh yeah, that’s right. At the beginning I called him Kagiura-kun.
He’s been calling his name every day, enough that he’d ended up shortening it, thinking it’s too long and clunky.
Kagiura has morning practice tomorrow, too, so there's no way he can let him oversleep.
Hirano got that, but there was something on his mind that just wouldn’t go away, so he asked before shutting off the lights.
".....Hey, um. I know you're working hard, so I don't wanna rain on your parade, but are your studies going all right? I haven't heard how your proficiency test went yet."
As the words leave his mouth, he thinks, what am I, a private tutor? and laughs drily to himself.
For the results of the test held right after summer break, a list ranking every student in their grade and the standard score were passed out to each person, the same as for the periodic exams.
For first years, they can be used as nothing more than a reference, but due to the breadth of the material covered, in some cases they might be used to determine which schools to apply to when compared to results from previous cram schools.
“...I just barely passed.”
“What’s the damage?”
“The teacher said, ‘You didn’t do badly enough that I need to pull you aside, but keep working hard’...”
“I see.”
Which is bad in and of itself, really.
Kagiura hangs his head dejectedly, and Hirano’s tempted to comfort him all the more for having seen the extent of his efforts, but his lack of preparation is unmistakable.
“Kagi-kun, after the cultural festival is over, you gotta step it up. If you miss some of the notes, get someone to show you theirs before the next day. Don’t let them build up. If you end up with a backlog of notes to take, you’re not gonna be able to understand them.”
Hirano knows deep down he’s probably worrying too much, but he keeps the expression on his face stern. The beginning is the key to everything. Among his classmates in the ‘Sports Recommendation Squad’ who, like Kagiura, are bad students, there are many whose grades plummeted after going on to their second year.
Who knew he’d become this much of a worrywort after becoming someone’s senpai?
“Yeah…Hirano-san, will you teach me again?”
“Sure. But you better bring back good grades.”
“I will! …By the way, can I ask you something?”
He ducks his head as he asks the question, a gesture with all the charm one would expect from someone as cute as him.
“What’s up?”
“When you were a first year, did the senpai you roomed with teach you how to study, too?”
“Nah, no way.”
“Hm…did you not get along?”
“It’s not that we didn’t get along, we just weren’t really that close. I wasn’t nearly as friendly a kouhai as you are.”
This is usually the case for dorm students. Hanzawa, contemptuous of homosexual relations, has a reputation in certain circles for having a finely-tuned gaydar and showing up to cockblock any time he senses anyone getting a little too close.³
His distaste isn’t unwarranted; apparently it has to do with his family, so even Hirano feels bad for him.
“...Does that make me special, then?”
“Why are you so happy about that?”
At Hirano’s jests of what are you, a dog? Kagiura breaks into a grin.
“Yeah. You know, I’m glad I’m your roommate, Hirano-san.”
Hirano smiles wryly; Kagiura’s got him wrapped around his little finger without a hint of insincerity.
With Kagiura cozying up to him like this, he doesn’t stand a chance.
*****
T/N: (1) Not sure I need to add more info on this to the story, but it's pretty interesting, so you can read more about it here.
(2) A movie based on the story made in 1959.
(3) Yall....idek what to say about this. I tried to keep the tone lighthearted but the original text literally says 'gay-hating Hanzawa' and describes his feelings as disgust. Idk why the writer put this but our boy is NOT like that 😭 I actually broke my vow of not looking at the official TL just to see how they handled this bit and they completely watered it down lmao. and tbh, yall know my dedication to accuracy but I WAS TEMPTED. While going back and forth about what I should do, I told my sister about it, and she suggested that Hanzawa doesn't actually hate gays, he just hates gay sex and will stand for none of it in his dorm so...we're going with that interpretation 💀🙃💀🙃
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#you guys can reblog these posts btw <3#remember likes are great but they don't do anything to spread the posts around!#friendly reminder that tumblr is not ig/tt and we love her for it <3#re 3rd footnote: im still trying to cope#im really hoping that the 'homophobic' and 'disgust' etc are referring to his reputation rather than his real feelings#tho i'm not sure that's much better 💀#also im sorry but wtf is up with the whole 'its to do with his family so hirano feels bad for him thing'#like??? oh poor you your sibling is gay that must be such a struggle#guess you have the right to hate gay people. ??????#this makes it sound like there was some TRAUMA involved#but it was literally just his brother (and other sibling) saying btw im gay and then they all moved on with their lives??#shoutout to my sister for this slightly inaccurate but much better take#i told her about it and she was like 'nah this mf just repressed as hell 💀'#she does not read ssmy/kghr btw#hirano to kagiura#hirano and kagiura#kagihira#hirano to kagiura light novel#hirano to kagiura translation#harusono shou
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i'm wondering about making a rule that i can't check my e-mail while i'm still in bed...idk i feel like it's adding stress to my mornings even tho it's convenient a lot of the time.
#like sometimes i have had situations where i literally just woke up to check if there had been any action on a pending task#and if not it's like all right nothing i can do then another hour of sleep time lol#but i think this was slightly disordered behavior used to deal with my hell schedule over the last ~6 months#and a better way to move forward if i have a task/situation like that would be to get up and have a chill morning#then if no action required do something fun for myself while i wait#idk it's like this morning i schedule sent an email to get a head start on a thing i need to take care of asap#and that was a good call and caused some action to occur BUT i also got like a random rejection from a job i applied to months ago lol#i had already very much made peace with not getting the job but it was just like ah :(#rejection :(#first thing in the morning :(#LOL and it's just like perhaps i could have saved that til i had gotten up and had my coffee?#idk just thinking#my anxiety got so bad last term that i'm still feeling the aftershocks even tho everything is very chill currently so#just trying to build transferable chill habits LOL#personal#grad school nonsense
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