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steddiehyperfixation · 1 year ago

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don't you forget about me (part eight; final)

(part one)(part two)(part three)(part four)(part five)(part six)(part seven) (ao3 link)

It was an “if” if Eddie would actually be discharged today, but now, after some more poking and prodding, he's finally on his way home with prescriptions for pain meds and physical therapy.

Wayne helps him up the three creaky, beautifully familiar stairs into the trailer, and Eddie collapses onto the old, beautifully familiar couch the second he gets inside. The weary groan he lets out is only slightly over-dramatized. “I feel like an 80 year old man,” he complains, entire body sore and aching to the bone already. “Now I know how you feel.”

“Oi, I ain't that old,” Wayne protests. When Eddie snorts derisively, Wayne rolls his eyes and chuckles. “Alright, fine, so we both got creaky knees now. You, at least, will be young and spry again in no time, though,” his uncle tells him. “Just get some rest, old man.”

Eddie heaves a great big sigh, takes another breath to steel himself, and then does just the opposite of that.

“What did I just say?” Wayne mutters as Eddie moves to stand again.

“I said I’d call Steve,” Eddie says. Steve had to go to work, but he'd told Eddie that morning to call him if he ended up making it home today. “I’ll dip out of work and come hang out, help you settle in, if you want,” Steve had said.

Wayne offers, “I can call him for you.”

“No, no, I got it,” Eddie insists, words broken by a grunt as he hauls himself back to his feet. “I can make it to the phone, Wayne, I'm not a complete invalid.”

“Alright.” Wayne raises his hands in defeat and backs off. He’s never been one to hover. “You just shout if you need me.”

Eddie limps - slowly, painfully, with difficulty - to the phone on the wall by the tiny dining table they never use, the surface littered instead with unopened mail and haphazard papers scribbled with notes and reminders and important phone numbers. He leans heavily against the table as he paws through the piles trying to find a note of Steve's number. Eddie finds it buried deep, probably long since memorized by now before his memory got erased, but there it is: a notepad paper with Steve's name scrawled on it and two phone numbers written underneath, home and work.

“Bingo.” Eddie grabs the paper, takes the phone off the hook, and dials the work number.

The phone rings a couple times, and then: “Family Video. How can I help you?”

“Hey, Stevie.” Eddie smiles at the sound of his voice, as if he hadn't literally just heard it only a few hours ago.

“Eddie!” Steve's bored customer service voice brightens. “Are you home? How are you feeling?”

“Yeah, I’m home. I’m alright. I mean, I’m bone-fucking-tired and feel about a million years old, but it's really really good to be back,” Eddie says honestly. He adds, “I’m under strict orders to rest, though - gonna be bored out of my mind, so I could use the company if you were serious about ditching work for me.”

“Of course I was serious,” replies Steve. “It's a slow day today anyways.”

Eddie grins. “Get your sweet ass over here then.”

A smile is evident in Steve's voice too. “I'll be there in ten.”

Eddie hangs up, tries his best to wipe this stupid lovesick grin off his face. He stumbles his way down the hall to his room next, flicking on some music from the cassette player on his dresser and looking around. His room is just as beautifully familiar as the rest of the trailer, not much changed from the way he last remembers it. The same music and D&D shit clutter his surfaces, the same posters clutter his walls. His bed is unmade, clothes litter the floor, same as always.

The only differences: his beloved electric guitar no longer hangs on the wall by the mirror (he was told, devastatingly, that she hadn't survived her trip to the Upside Down), and there are photographs he doesn't recognize taped up around the corners of that mirror. Eddie staggers over to get a closer look, only to first be momentarily jumpscared by his own reflection. His face is pale, eyes sunken, and his hair frizzes out in a greasy, tangled mess around his head, unwashed and unbrushed for who knows how long. Gross, but whatever. He manages to ignore his sickly appearance and inspects the pictures he had apparently deemed important enough to stick to the edges of his mirror.

There are photos of Eddie smiling with Hellfire and his band and the kids, in large groups and small groups, with old friends he remembers and newer ones he doesn't quite. But what catches his attention the most is a photobooth strip of him and Steve. The first picture shows the two of them grinning, arms slung around each other’s shoulders; the second, a silly face photo, Eddie sticking out his tongue and Steve crossing his eyes; the third, Eddie giving Steve devil horns while Steve laughs; and the fourth-

Eddie plucks the strip off the mirror, stumbles, so taken aback he trips over his own lame feet until he plops down heavily onto his bed, and he stares. He stares at the last image in the row, which depicts - clear as day and undeniably real, immortalized in ink on photo paper - Steve kissing Eddie, tender hand on his cheek, both of them smiling against each other’s lips.

He stares and he stares and he stares. And the longer he stares the more he can almost feel it, taste it, see the events of that photo strip playing out in his mind’s eye like a waking dream. Like a memory.

Steve pulls up to the trailer, the one with the metal music blaring from somewhere inside that announces to the whole park that Eddie Munson is back home. He smiles at the sound, gets out of his car and bounds toward it.

It's Wayne who lets him in when Steve knocks on the door. “He's in his room,” the older man tells him as he steps aside to let Steve in. “Make sure he's stayin’ off his feet, will you? ‘Cause lord knows he won't listen to me.”

“Yeah, I got it,” Steve says, and his tone and his smile say I got him. Wayne nods.

Steve makes his way down the hall to Eddie’s room. He raps his knuckles against the door first, but he doubts that can even be heard over the music so he pushes it open without waiting for a response. “Hey, Ed-” Steve starts, only to falter when he sees Eddie sitting statue-still on the edge of his bed, eyes boring holes into a photo strip of the two of them together. “Oh.”

Eddie blinks, expression unreadable as he looks up and over at Steve. “Why didn't you tell me?”

“I-” Steve doesn't know what to say, what he should say. His veins buzz with a nauseating mix of hope and anxiety and it's making him feel a bit sick. He takes a deep breath, turns down the music so he can think. “I wanted to. I just- I thought it would freak you out. You didn't know me. I didn't want to force anything on you.”

“So…we were together,” Eddie says slowly. “For how long?”

“Since July.” Steve’s desperately searching Eddie’s face for something, anything, to clue him in to what Eddie’s thinking or feeling right now. “Are- are you freaked out? Because you look a little freaked out.”

“I’m not freaked out,” Eddie says, and it's almost convincing. “I'm just…processing.”

“Oh-kay…” Steve breathes out, leaning cautiously against the doorframe, still hovering by the exit just in case Eddie decides he doesn't want him there anymore once he's finished processing.

“I’ve, uh-” Eddie looks back down at the photo strip he holds in his hands and takes a breath. “I’ve been remembering some things, you know, little things - in dreams - about us. But I- I thought I just had a crush or something, because I thought if all of that was real, if we had really been that happy - that…in love - then you would've said something. You would've told me.”

When Eddie's eyes meet his again, Steve realizes he'd misread his expression before. Eddie's not freaked, he's upset, hurt, not because of what he's learned but because it was kept from him. Of all the worst-case scenarios Steve's spiraling mind had come up with over the past couple weeks, he had not considered this one. So preoccupied with his own angst over being forgotten and fear of being unwanted, Steve hadn't thought to consider that him hiding the true nature of their past might make Eddie feel unwanted too. That's the last thing Steve wants; the ache of that trumps any other ache he feels.

“Eddie, I’m sorry. I just- you didn't know me, and I panicked; I didn't think, or-or I thought too much, but I should've just told you.” Steve pushes off from the doorway and goes to sit beside Eddie, because he can't stand Eddie looking at him with those big doe eyes and not being close to him. He leaves a bit of space, barely holds himself back from taking hold of Eddie's hand. “Because it was real, all the things you've been remembering. It was real- it is real, and I’m so sorry I didn't tell you.”

Eddie is uncharacteristically quiet for a moment. His gaze flicks him up and down and across his face, and then Eddie grabs him, hands dropping the photo strip to instead clutch at Steve's cheek and jaw as he pulls him in and kisses him. As their lips slide together, familiar, the both of them sigh into the kiss. Steve feels a bursting in his heart, so similar to the way it felt the very first time they’d done this: the giddiness of reciprocation, the intuition that this is right.

When Eddie pulls back after a few long moments, something is changed, something returned. Steve watches Eddie’s eyes flutter open; and when they do, for the first time since he'd woken up in that hospital bed, Eddie sees him, knows him, loves him.

“How could I ever have forgotten that?” Eddie says, almost whispered, running his thumb across Steve's cheekbone. “How could I ever have forgotten you?”

Steve could cry. Tears made of relief and joy blur his vision, because Eddie is looking at him with all the tenderness he'd been missing these past weeks, the painful emptiness of before now filled. It's all back. His Eddie is back. Steve pitches forward and hugs him bodily. Eddie returns the embrace; Steve sinks into his arms and it feels like coming home.

He closes his misty eyes, buries his face in the crook of Eddie's neck and the tangles of his hair, and he breathes him in, clinging onto him like Eddie might just disappear if Steve ever let go. Eddie holds him just as close, one arm wrapped firm around Steve's waist while his other hand cradles the back of Steve's head and strokes his hair. Steve soaks in every touch, feels every place where they are pressed against each other, so warm and safe and loving after so long without it. He is whole again in the arms of the man he loves.

“I missed you,” Steve mutters, lips brushing against the skin of Eddie's neck as he speaks, muffled.

“I know, Stevie,” Eddie murmurs, “my Stevie, I’m so sorry.”

“S’okay. It wasn't your fault,” Steve mumbles, and he thinks maybe they both need to stop apologizing for this.

Eddie must think the same, because he says, “And it wasn't yours either,” like he knows every twisted, guilty thought that's been haunting Steve lately and he absolves him of them. He tugs gently at Steve’s hair to get him to lift his head and look him in the eyes. “You know that, right?”

“Yeah, I know,” Steve says quietly. Eddie reaches up to brush from his cheek a tear Steve didn't even know had fallen, and as he wipes it away he wipes away everything - all blame, all fear, all pain. Eddie had forgotten him, and it sucked, but now he remembers again, and none of that matters anymore. Steve hangs onto Eddie's wrist. “Just-” His voice rasps with emotion, making it rougher. “Don't you ever forget about me again.”

It's not a promise that can be made with any certainty - anything can happen at any time, just as unexpectedly as it had this time - but Steve doesn't need certainty, he just needs to hear the words, and Eddie gives that to him. “I won't, darling,” he vows, with gentle reassurance. “Never again.”

“Good,” Steve sighs, turning his head into Eddie's hand to press a kiss to the palm.

The last of his heavier emotions drain out of him then and now he can feel the joy of Eddie's return in its whole entirety. As he rolls his face out of Eddie's hand and settles his eyes on the beautiful boy in front of him, a grin begins to spread across Steve's face; Eddie's smile grows in tandem with his, like he's smiling just because Steve is. Steve says, giddy in full now, “You're back.”

“Yeah,” Eddie says, lovely and bright, ducking to bump his forehead against Steve's. “I'm back.”

Steve lets go of Eddie's wrist to tangle a hand in his hair, and he tilts his head up to kiss him again, just because he can, because he's making up for lost time. They draw each other in close once more, lips and bodies moving against each other, easy and natural. Steve could stay right here like this forever, never wants to stop holding him or stop kissing him.

But a thought - a question - tickles at the base of Steve's skull, and when he does pull back he asks, hopeless romantic that he is, “Just in case - I mean, just so I know - what was it that brought your memory back? Was it like a…true love’s kiss breaking the spell sort of thing?”

Eddie laughs, gives Steve another quick peck like he always does when Steve says something endearing. “Not quite, Prince Charming,” he responds with a grin so fond Steve thinks his heart might burst. “It was more like…the things I had remembered were just dreams to me, shallow and unreal, but kissing you was like an anchor, a reminder that allowed those dreams to sink in as proper memories and become real.”

“So…basically it was true love’s kiss,” Steve says cheekily, just to hear Eddie’s laugh again, just to receive another affectionate press of Eddie's lips against his.

“Yeah, sure,” Eddie concedes, smilingly, never one not to indulge whimsy, “we can call it that.” But then he amends, with a little less levity, “It wasn't exactly a magic cure-all, though. It didn't bring everything back, there are still gaps in my memory.” He looks at Steve with eyes like pools of melted chocolate, soft and endless. “But I remember that I love you; I remember that much.”

And Steve tells him, “That's enough," and he pulls him in for another true love's kiss.

THE END. taglist: @romanticdestruction @daydreamsandcrashingwaves @paintsplatteredandimperfect @hallucinatedjosten @mugloversonly @estrellami-1 @alongcomesaspider @thatonebadideapanda @tell-me-a-secret-a-nice-one @dragonmama76 @wxrmland @nuggies4life @sirsnacksalot @myguiltyartpleasure @lolawonsstuff @marklee-blackmore @vinteraltus @sebastiansstanswhore @0happyeverafter0 @scarlet-malfoy @hotluncheddie @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @emsgoodthinkin @alyelf @warlordess @stevesbipanic @lil-gremlin-things @rockandrolodex @badcaseofcasey @bat-outta-hel @fandomcartographer @manda-panda-monium @littlewildflowerkitten @giopandaonice @mightbeasleep @queenie-ofthe-void @krazyperson @worldofshea @marvel-ous-m @tartarusknight @a-little-unsteddie @xenon-demon @goodolefashionedloverboi @xxsky-shockxx @mc-i-r @bookbinderbitch @aspenshade88 @slowandsteddie @thedragonsaunt @daydreaming-mood @space-invading-pigeon @irregular-child @a-lovely-craziness (continued in replies)

#and that's all folks!#endings are so hard for me but i hope you guys like this one #huge huge thank you to everyone who's followed along; all the love and support on this has been insane and i am so grateful <3 #steddie #steddie fic #steddie fanfiction #steddie fanfic #eddie munson #steve harrington #stranger things #fanfic #mine #dyfamsteddiefic

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0hmanit · 11 months ago

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Another chance to talk about Rain World's random symbols that suspiciously resemble Hebrew letters for no reason at all.

Random wall symbols are not a rare phenomenon in this game. But there is a singular specific room that caught me thinking for a little too much.

In SU_B04 you will find those three letters

When I first played the game I never noticed it, but now I can't remove my eyes from it every time I start a new playthrough.

The letters resemble those three letters: Sameh caf and shin, and they actually create a word (it's so exciting I know). The thing is, the letter shin is mostly used as a prefix, in this specific order it's used to create a word that means "That throne". And the problem is that in English it will sound perfectly fine, but in Hebrew this word is meaningless and confusing because the lack of a sentence. (let alone the word כס is also kind of incorrect on it's own because you need to add another word: the royalty - המלוכה, to imply this is a royal throne but it's not important now)

When you add a prefix to a word YOU HAVE to use it in a sentence. This is how valid sentences look, the meaning of the word changes depends on the context presented in the sentence.

Of course this is probably just a funny coincidence, because in the same region you can find a similar sight that is complete gibberish (???, D and G)

But the thought of Rain World, by random chance, containing a whole Hebrew word (in an invalid way but still) that means "this throne" on some luxurious ass pillars is completely hilarious, and spark my interest so much.

#rain world #thank you for listening to my ramblings #too shy to tag this in the hebrew tag #fellow jewish rain world enjoyers where are you?

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sophie-frm-mars · 25 days ago

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I'm gonna plural discourse for a bit

There's a video that I saw that proposed changing the diagnosis of DID/OSDD to either Dissociative type PTSD or BPD with dissociative amnesia. I think this is not a wholly sensible suggestion and I get into why in the first half of The Mad & The Mentally Ill (text up on my patreon video out in a few months probably) but without getting into a deep critique of the diagnostic model itself I wanna talk about the merits and problems with that suggestion

So on the one hand, PTSD and BPD are already both dissociative in their lived experience. With PTSD you have both the dissociation of feeling like your trauma happened to someone else and the dissociation of feeling like you aren't where and when you really are when you're experiencing a flashback. BPD is dissociative in all its core mechanisms, and there is a sort of emotional "dissociative amnesia" at play when someone with BPD moves from one extreme emotional state to another, because they shift emotional reality so fast it can give them and people around them whiplash. This is a part of what gets people with BPD called manipulative - they change emotional states so fast people assume they must be faking how they're feeling to get what they want.

Therefore it makes some sense to some degree to say that someone whose dissociative identities are formed out of intense trauma has PTSD and that a system of alters that resemble different "personality states" of one core identity is BPD. Or at least it's a somewhat internally consistent model

On the other hand, the lived experience of plurality isn't like that and the best way to explain the difference is to say "it's like you are several different people". In other words I think that there's something potentially useful in this suggestion for helping plural people understand themselves but the suggestion itself is coming from a strictly singular perspective that wants to insist that the ontological nature of the self is singular and in reality the self is simply plural in all cases. "Singular self" people are radically different people who experience radically different thoughts and feelings at work, at home, with friends, with family, when stressed, when tired, when reminded of childhood. As Richard Schwartz says "parts work is for everyone" and I think this attempt to legislate plurality out of the DSM is philosophically an acknowledgement that in effect everyone is at least a little bit plural and an attempt to reconcile that by saying "therefore no one is" instead of opening up your conception of the self to a little more possibility than previously allowed.

Besides all of this, and now I am getting a bit into my critique of the diagnostic model, trauma works differently for different people, and for some people the minor traumas of simply being alive are enough to have profound psychological effects. In the plural community I've seen discussion of "endogenic systems", i.e systems where "they're just like that" rather than there being a specific root trauma. The trauma that forms something like BPD is everyday and commonplace - an environment of traumatic invalidation - just kinda being gaslit by life. Also I think there's a popular understanding that the way people heal from wounds is not their "natural" state and is therefore wrong, but you just have to accept that you are the shape you are and you have no choice but to love yourself. I guess after writing that sentence I should probably acknowledge that I'm plural and that I've known since I was a teenager but was too scared to tell anyone until about two years ago. Where was i. Okay you need to accept that every experience shapes and affects you some amount and lose the idea that trauma is a unique kind of experience which is bad and makes you somehow bad or less or deformed.

Just because someone is some kind of way because of experiences they had doesn't mean they need fixing. Everyone who will ever live is ways they are because of stuff that happened. My point is that I don't see a distinction between systems being "born this way" or formed through specific trauma as long as they are comfortable and happy existing as themselves in the world, and it's stupid and reductive to try and redefine plurality in singular terms when no one is truly singular anyway

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tevanbegins · 4 months ago

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I always knew it in my gut when they brought Gerrard back in 7x09 it would in some way serve the purpose of helping Buck and Tommy's relationship get stronger. Because his comeback gives a good opportunity to show that while Gerrard is still the same (or worse), Tommy has long outgrown that man's toxic influence.

We have already seen the positive change that slowly started to take place in Tommy since the end of Chimney Begins, and a bit more by the end of Hen Begins. He seemed much happier and friendlier by the time of Bobby Begins Again, and he's had so much off-screen growth after that — blossoming into the wonderful man we met seasons later in season 7. But the contrast with Gerrard would make Tommy's character redemption and development so much clearer.

Will there be challenges for Tevan because of Gerrard in S8? Maybe. But I believe both of them will work through them in a healthy manner and only thrive more because of it.

Buck is not going to leave Tommy for his flawed past. Tommy is going to give Buck the safe space he needs to vent and express his feelings because he himself probably never had someone like that back when he was questioning or newly out. He won't judge or criticise Buck for not coping with the situation the way he would. I assume this because it's been established pretty early on that Tommy never invalidates Buck's feelings. If Buck looks so happy and glowing since last season, it is for reasons that go beyond him discovering his bisexuality and the wonders of gay sex. It's about how free and comfortable he feels in his own skin when he is with Tommy.

We know that Tommy has been letting Buck set the pace of their relationship. He attentively listens to what Buck says both through words and body language and adapts his responses accordingly. He opens up about his own experiences whenever possible to let Buck know he is not alone in his struggles.

Tommy may not necessarily fight Buck's battles for him. Buck is a grown adult and fully capable of fighting for himself. But Tommy will surely be there to support him every step of the way. He will be Buck's rock through the rough times and suppose even if they have arguments they will get through all the obstacles because of their love.

I am so excited to have these boys back on my screen and see their relationship progress further! Based on season 7, I have faith in Tim and the writers and hope that we'll be blessed with some top-tier content in the coming season as well!

The premiere couldn't come sooner! 🤩

___

#tevan #bucktommy #kinley #tommy kinard #evan buckley #evan ‘buck’ buckley #911 abc #lou ferrigno jr #oliver stark #vincent gerrard #tim minear #911 show #911 season 8

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jewish-vents · 3 months ago

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I lost my best friend of 25 years over this conflict. She was being purposely cagey about it because she didn't want to lose me, and knew she would. On the 7th itself when I turned to my best friend to help me through my grief and terror she just said "I'm not the right person to discuss this with. I'm getting on a plane. Can't talk. Bye."

And she left me to burn

I probably should have known it then. She told me she didn't want to talk about it because I might think she's antisemitic, as that's the pressing thing when the world just declared it's intent to hunt and kill me in horrible ways.

"I can't relate but I support you, but please don't talk about it with me."

How is that support?

And how could I talk about anything else?

And then she changes the subject to someone saying something minor to her at work which set her into a crying fit, because she makes it a priority to tell me she bursts into tears 4 times a day every day so I can't ever have too strong of a negative emotion or it will set her off.

And then she told me she loves me but she can't say she likes Jews because "I haven't met all the other Jews." As though she'd ever say that to a Black friend about their entire people. She is the Most Progressive, you see, she is Very Aware Of Her White Privilege and stuff. She works with immigrants and would sooner jump off a bridge than give off a whiff of bigotry towards them.

But I'm a Jew.

She finally tells me she doesn't support Israeli striking back because there's children being hit. She hasn't seen any evidence to justify Israel's response. I ask to show her some. She refuses. You see she gets to have her uninformed opinion, gets the luxury of staying that way, she can just change the subject, I'm The Jew, that's my Jewish business.

My pain has always been her concern but not when it's Jew-related. I'm to hide that lest she burst into tears.

I gradually stop talking to her. She sends me anxious messages saying "I'm not sure if I can even ask how you are or if that's any of my business"

This from the woman who purposely made it not her business, DEMANDED it not be her business, and now she sniffing around like a hungry dog after telling me to just ignore it, that it's just online, that I should **uwu** watch my cortisol **uwu**

You need cortisol, I say, when you're being hunted. Sometimes cortisol is called for. She starts crying. How could I say that. She can't talk about this. It's too much for her. My cortisol is just too much for her. So now I have to shut up, because she's crying.

No one hunting her but she's crying

It felt like she was just hoping to wait around, have her private antisemitism, like she could hide her eyes from me, like I couldn't read her judging silence and her quiet insistence that though she admittedly knew nothing she certainly knew better than ME what was right. And if we get close, boom. Tears.

I felt so talked down to and invalidated. When I brought this up she said "I validate you" like that's a magic spell, you can just say the magic words AND that will cure neglect.

I finally blew up at her and of course there was big manipulative tears because how DARE I think she might have bigotry and how DARE I draw away from her after she made it clear she had no interest in my pain, after she tried so so so hard to hide it and used all the gentle parenting language she learned in her DEI courses to placate me, the Hysterical Jew.

I will always hate myself for apologizing to her for being angry, for my big violent emotions she would have preferred to ignore until I get over my weird Jewish thing, so I can get back to being the person she can subtly look down on and be holier than, and so she can cry to me, and cry, and cry, and cry, because someone gave her a minor correction at work and not because she's being hunted for being a Jew.

We should be able to disagree about politics, she says. We can't disagree about my existence and basic safety, I say. You don't deserve to be bathed in hate, get offline, she says.

They vandalized my synagogue. They attacked my friend's daughter on campus. That's awful, she says. I don't support that. Anyway, at work today -

We don't talk anymore. Haven't for months. Don't know if we ever will again. I've been angry at her every day. I feel like I let her get away with it. She gets to go out into the world feeling like she's right and Israel is evil and she used to have a Jewish friend who turned out to be craaaazy, it's terrible what Zionism does to those people. I'm sure she'll get clout at her super leftist workplace where she can never be progressive enough. Where she helps put DEI policies in schools and libraries that treat antisemitism as though it's a non-problem.

I'm just another oppressor-class Jew to her. Couldn't center her over my Jew Issues

I'm so angry at her and so angry at myself for not handling it better, for holding back, for indulging her crocodile tears and handling her with kid gloves, for not calling her out for manipulating me into muting my truth and thinking I'm so dumb that she could just refuse to address it, like I wouldn't know, for expecting me to just "get over" my people being slaughtered, for needing her and then sticking around long after she left me to die

#jewish vents #antisemitism #leftist antisemitism

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rey-jake-therapist · 1 month ago

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I didnt realize Payne clarified that Sauron wanted Galadriel to be *his* queen. I've seen some antis insist that he wasn't attracted to her in the least so he meant to say 'I can make you A queen, but not MY queen'.

And they were also going on how there's a hierarchy in the film industry, in which certain positions hold more narrative and directional authority despite what actors and lower level exec's say. That's why they kept using this hierarchy that Payne and McKay override Charlotte's words about haladriel. But if we go by the Anti's information, then that confirms that Sauron did want Galadriel as HIS QUEEN (love or not), since its stated exactly that way by Payne himself. If not, then why didn't he say 'A queen with me', or 'A queen by my side', instead? There are other ways he could've phrased. Even if you say that he used 'basically', that still doesn't change the fact that Payne made it clear that Sauron wanted Galadriel to rule WITH him, not by some corner of ME (I know we're kind of ignoring Gal atm to dissect the wording but I see them as fictional characters not real people lol). It also kind of overrides some of Charlie's earlier remarks where he denies or subverts Sauron's intention regarding making her queen. But it echoes back to what you said though, that things change over time.

And just to make it clear, we don't need to necessarily obey what showrunners/actors have said and treat it like it's a hard rule for how we interpret these characters. This is just an interesting piece of info I think should be pointed out. Especially since haters will find anything to try to minimize and invalidate haladriel. I feel very sad (for them lol).

Well, I'll answer that by saying that first, I don't think that I can do that ignoring Gal's response, simply because what she answered is important to understand why Sauron didn't say "my" queen, imho.

I think we can't leave Galadriel outside of the loop here, because the phrasing used by Sauron is directly connected to the way she herself used. She said, "you would make me A tyrant", to which he naturally answers, "I would make you A queen". Then she's the one using the "MY" : "And you. MY king".

What I think, it's that the writers wanted to highlight the fact that them being together as king and queen/husband and wife was her idea as much as his. I think it's important for the interpretation of that scene, for the audience to realize that Galadriel wanted this.

Let's say Sauron had said, "I would make you MY queen", and she had answered, "And you would be the king" : it would have sounded like something that was forced on her : she would have been his wife in this scenario, wether she wanted it or not. It would have given "forced marriage" vibes, and would have deprived Galadriel of her agency. And believe me : if the antis are now using this scene against shippers because Sauron didn't say "my queen", you can be sure that they would have weaponized this scene even more if they could have interpreted it that way.

With Galadriel being the one who says, "And you. My king", it says that she was seeing herself ruling with him, as queen and king and as husband and wife. Notice that he didn't correct her, as it was probably what he wanted to hear.

It also kind of overrides some of Charlie's earlier remarks where he denies or subverts Sauron's intention regarding making her queen.

I mean, I don't know if it overrides it. Charlie first denied that it was a marriage proposal, but later admitted that this was "de facto" exactly that.

"Sauron, meanwhile, won’t make the mistake of connecting with someone ever again, not after Galadriel’s rejection of his de facto “marriage proposal,” as Vickers describes it, at the end of Season 1. “He’s moved on to bigger and better things” since, Vickers argues, but try as they might, there’s no denying their entwined fates. "Galadriel and Sauron share the deepest connection to another being either of them has ever experienced, a fact that haunts them both in the new episodes. What they share “is greater than romance,” Vickers explains. “Their connection runs far deeper than anything surface level.”

Source

Now if you refer to the fact that Charlie claimed several times that if Galadriel had accepted his offer, she would have been nothing more than his secretary, another shiny ring at his hand, I also don't think that it contradicts the idea that he wanted her to be at his side as a queen. I often read that Charlie's wrong, because Sauron is a Maiar who was created to follow and serve. So by this logic, he wanted to worship Galadriel like he worshipped Morgoth.

I think it's true, for most of it, and we saw it during all season 1 : who called all the shots ? Galadriel did. Who followed her despite his initial refusal ? Sauron. She wanted him to be a king ? He made himself a king. She wanted him to go rescue the Southlands with her ? He went with her, even if first, he didn't want to ! The fact that it was in his personal interest to do that is besides the point : at no moment did he try to force her into doing anything. It's not in his nature, and being in his repetant era then, Sauron was more inclined to listen to his nature than we saw him be in season 2. In season 1, Sauron was the happiest we saw of him so far, especially when he was at the forge, doing what he was created for, but also when he followed Galadriel on the battlefield :

I mean, words have their importance especially when it comes to Sauron, who never chooses his words randomly :

She "pushed" him. He described here exactly what a leader does. After Morgoth's defeat, he found himself leaderless, and he was lost because due to his nature, what he really wants/needs is someone who takes the lead. In Galadriel, he recognized someone who had the potential to do just that. In season 2, we saw him in a position of leadership, manipulating everybody like a puppet to make them do everything he wanted, yada yada. And yet, that was his face for 99% of the season :

He seemed as alive as a dead fish.

Now, where my opinion often diverges from what seems to be this most popular opinion, is that I believe Charlie's nevertheless right regarding the turn their partnership as king and queen would have taken, had Galadriel accepted. Thousands of years ago, Mairon was corrupted by Morgoth, and as time passed, I think he developed a desire to overrule Morgoth, because that's what this kind of corruption does : it gives an hunger for power, even to beings who are not originally meant to want it. As Sauron, he was given an incommensurable power over others, and he enjoyed it. He always followed Morgoth and never betrayed him (probably because he had sworn a blood oath to him, preventing him to take any action against him), but he grew extremely frustrated of his methods, as he had a different vision.

And of course he did, because destroying was, again, not what he was created for. What Morgoth did, and asked him to do, went against his nature. As apprentice of Aulë, he became skilled at crafting and making things. When Celebrimbor told him his only craft was treachery, it must have hit HARD, because it wasn't always the case.

(Aside note : I was a bit annoyed that Celebrimbor was the one who got to hit Sauron where it hurt the most, while Galadriel only got a pathetic "heal yourself" that couldn't mean anything to him because they never had any conversation about his corruption by Melkor).

He started dreaming of the idea that if Morgoth was ever to disappear, he would take his place and rule in his stead, and that's exactly what he tried to do once Morgoth was defeated :

As we saw, it didn't turn out very well. Why ? I think, because Sauron wasn't Morgoth, he wasn't a born dictator, and he didn't manage to inspire enough fear of him to Adar and the Orcs, only resentment, so when he tried to put Morgoth's crown on his head, they betrayed him.

(idk but maybe looking like a twink didn't help. Just sayin')

But it doesn't mean that Sauron gave up on his dream of ruling, though. So I think that when he decided that he wanted Galadriel to be his queen, he was probably torn between what his nature dictated him to do (giving her all the power she needed to have to be THE queen of Middle-Earth, while he would get the follower's role he had beside Morgoth back), and the ambitions he nourished of ruling Middle-Earth himself, leaving only crumbs to Galadriel like Morgoth did to him. Even in this scenario, he would have shared his power with her, but not enough to take the reigns of the kingdom.

We can't know what would have happened, we can only speculate, but I tend to side with Charlie on this one because at the beginning, there's a clear power imbalance between them : Sauron is a powerful Maiar, a demigod, and Galadriel is just an Elf. For her to become as powerful as him and be his equal, would have required him to willingly share the entirety of his power with her. Would have he done that, while he had all these ideas about healing Middle-Earth and believed he and only he knew exactly how to do it... ?

I mean, the only thing we can be sure of, it is that it was his intention to give her plenty of power. He wanted everybody not to just respect her, but to worship her like a goddess. It's the extent of this power that we don't know about. And did he want to be worshipped too ? I'd say, probably yes, personally.

Sorry anon, I didn't start answering this ask planning to write a dissertation... I guess I can't help myself, when it comes to Sauron. He's just that interesting !

#saurondriel meta #trop meta #sauron #galadriel #haladriel #saurondriel #sauron x galadriel #trop #galadriel x halbrand #halbrand #mairon #annatar #ask answered

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dustbunnylair · 4 months ago

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Shubble/Shelby's Situation: People Defending The Abuser and Shaming The Victim (!TW: Mentions of abuse/abusive relationship!)

7 months ago, on February 21st, 2024, a Twitch streamer with around 468K followers spoke out about being abused by another Twitch streamer and artist, who is now her ex on a stream titled, “Talking About Something More Serious”. The Twitch streamer who spoke out goes by Shubble or Shelby, she described the at the time unnamed Twitch streamer as (mainly) British, popular, and also in the music industry, fans quickly connected the dots to the popular Twitch streamer and lead singer in the band, Lovejoy, Wilbur Soot.

I won’t go into full detail about what Shubble said, as I would prefer for people to listen to her say it, rather than someone else. But, the main things were that Wilbur did not follow a safe word that they set in place, and would bite her to the point of her screaming out in pain. He was also slobbish and dirty in his living situation. Unfortunately, Shubble has not provided any proof of bruises, markings, etc. but that doesn’t mean she’s lying, not every abuse victim documents their injuries, and honestly in my opinion, maybe she’s uncomfortable with sharing those injuries, those injuries are really none of our business to see.

A few days later, Wilbur Soot, made a response, which if you would like to read it you can find it here, I’ll sum it up to what I had processed within the response:

First off, he says it’s a response rather than an apology. Second, he didn’t even mention Shubble’s name, he only referred to her as “ex-girlfriend” or “this person” he never said her name. I want that to be emphasized because that’s quite common in abusers, they literally will not say their victim’s name(s) as a form of dissociation or just not taking accountability.

Many people including famous people such as Ranboo, Tommyinnit, Sneegsnag, Lil Tay, Billzo, Aimsey, Dream even, to fully call out Wilbur, as they should. Let’s also emphasize how absolutely batshit insane it is that Lil Tay and Billzo said shit about him, Lil Tay does not know this man and Billzo is literally never active on social media, no hate to them though obviously, shoutout to them for calling him out. Dream responding to Wilbur is so diabolical, you know an apology/response sucked ass when DREAM of all people responds to you and REWRITES the response.

I have found many people on social media, more specifically TikTok and Pinterest, borderline defending Wilbur Soot. From getting mad at Shubble for telling her viewers to stream her stream instead of Wilbur's newest song, which yeah is a bit immature coming from a 30 y/o woman, but remember this is literally her abuser and she’s probably just joking around and coping. Not to mention the person who “called out” Shubble for not being able to “move on” can’t move on from Shubble nor Wilbur themselves.

Hypocrite alert…Honestly, Wilbur defenders are either stuck in 2019-2021 or are just insanely parasocial. Wilbur does not know you, you do not know him, he is a content creator and singer. I *was* a Wilbur fan before “Your New Boyfriend” came out, and look, I’ve moved on from him, 5 years of my life went to waste but at least I’m not supporting an abuser. It’s so funny seeing Wilbur dick riders getting mad at people for calling him niblur soot or saying he has rabies and needs a muzzle.

It’s always “always believe the victim” until the abuser is someone you like or is conventionally attractive. I’ve seen multiple people ask why Shubble hasn’t sued Wilbur but has sued a car company. It’s so obvious that these people do not know shit about abusive relationships. Almost like if you were to take it to court and sue him, it wouldn’t change anything for Shubble other than some money or some shit, it doesn’t change the fact that she has trauma from the abuse, and it certainly isn’t gonna make him take accountability. Plus abuse in women or literally any gender, is invalidated most of the time.

People say that Wilbur is getting therapy just from his word. But me and other people are clearly seeing he isn’t showing change whatsoever, in fact, he literally looks like he’s on drugs, like coke. I remember someone made a TikTok talking about how skinny Wilbur looks and saying he’s probably starving himself. He’s 6’5 and has always been fucking lanky, and starving yourself isn’t the only thing that makes you lose weight, it’s also drugs!

I’m honestly just so sick and tired of seeing people say “Shubble admitted to lying” and then when you ask for proof of that they don’t respond, because she’s never admitted to that. Even other creators, not just Shubble, have come out and said Wilbur’s abusive behavior, like Tommyinnit. I mean, James Marriott hasn’t spoken out about this, and he doesn’t have to, that’s not something that’s required from him, but in one of James Marriott’s videos from 3 years ago, he and Wilbur did like this drunk video and it was called “If We Laugh, The Video Ends…(ft. Wilbur Soot)”, but throughout the video Wilbur just sometimes gets violent, and it doesn’t seem like a bit because most of the time James reacts genuinely concerned.

And before anyone uses the “Oh but he was drunk” excuse, I don’t want to hear it, the more drunk you are, the more of the real you comes out, he was drunk as fuck and his real self was coming out.

Yeah, honestly that’s all I have to say about this topic for right now. Don’t go harass Wilbur or any Wilbur supporters, just try to educate them or block them, both are valid. If I have more to add I’ll make a follow-up post. But yeah, always believe the victim, don’t defend abusers. Keep yourself safe.

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dearweirdme · 6 months ago

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why it so hard for you to accept that jungkook and tae couldn’t have a deep conversation? you don’t know these men, you probably frankly never will- you cannot say that they never felt like it based on the interpretation you have of their relationship when their words have told you otherwise. and how their distance cannot be true because it doesn’t align with your fantasies. it’s not only weird but boderline insane. you’re extremely obsessive and need a reality check. rather than accepting that these men want to share a story ab themselves and to show you you can mend relationships with people your close with and things aren’t always at it seems, you fight tooth and nail to convince yourself and others that it’s not real. it’s funny because it seems that when tae was struggling with his mental health that’s exactly when their relationship took a hit- he became closed off because of it even so that jungkook noticed and wrote it to him in their 2020 festa in which he told tae to reach out to someone- literally anyone because he knew he wasn’t that person. you denying this is denying that tae did ultimately go through something, something that the entire fandom had noticed and rather than accepting it and acknowledging the fact that mental health does it fact cause strains on person relationships you act the way you do. like a delusional person. relationships can change find a way to accept that or unstan tae. they’re not pawns for a story u chose to create to comfort yourself, they’re real people

Hi anon!

I don't even care if you're a Jkkr or just annoyed with Tkkkrs in general (though I'm leaning towards Jkkr since you're probably here because of that jkkr account that discussed my post recently).

You are very much underestimating my experience and knowledge about/with mental health, depression, and the effect it has on relationships. This will probably come of as a 'trust me dude, I know', but honestly most people who have suffered from depression (or other mental health problems) will tell you that the depth of a relationship does not matter when it comes to depression. Depressed people are not more prone to open up to their partners, their partners can't fix them and are not able to cure them from being depressed. Partners are also so often just a bystander in someone's struggle with depression. So your comments on this are basically invalidating every depressed person's relationship with their partener, because it has the assumption that a romantic partner is the exception when it comes to a depressed person's internal struggles. They are not! Very often a depressed person will try to hide their pain from everyone. To avoid harming them. Now every person's story is different and every depressed person's way of dealing will also be different. Educate yourself anon.

Tae shut everyone out. Just like Jm shut people out, just like Namjoon shut people out. Parners that truly love one another will endure these times together, even if one of them shut's the other out. I do think Tae shut Jk out at his hardest moments. I also think it is clear that Jk stood by him and was a source of comfort in the ways he could. I've witnessed many (too much for my liking, because it is brutal to see people you love go through this) couples survive mental health problems and making it through them together. I've been the person that a depressed person's partner hoped they would open up to... even though they did not open up to their partner themselves. When you see someone go through hell each day, you don't care who they open up to.. you just hope they do to whomever they can.

Now the real question is... why does it trigger YOU so much that I think Tae and Jk do have deep conversations?

#straws #tae #taekook #mental health #nothing pisses me off more than stuff like this #using mental health as a weapon

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milkb0nny · 1 year ago

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Loved Burdens

Sam Winchester x gn!reader

Comfortember Day 10: Sadness

Summary: Even though you desired Sam's comfort, you felt like a burden and did not tell him about your recent struggles. You felt so silly being sad without a certain cause, making you feel invalid to consume your boyfriend's time.

Note: Exams are over! I feel much more comfortable now and I'm getting back to writing. The next prompts probably will be a little short, since I need to catch up again. Despite my small hiatus, enjoy it!

Warnings: unexplained cause of depression

Word Count: 642

The past week you have been dealing with some sort of depression. The weight of sadness burdened you like carrying an unimaginable amount of rocks on your shoulders. You did not know why you felt his way, as your sadness and tiredness came from nowhere; no trigger, no apparent cause. Still, you felt extremely drained, exhausted and wanted something to cheer you up.

You tried your best to hide it from your boyfriend Sam and his brother Dean. You wore a mask of normalcy, painting on a smile that didn't quite reach your eyes. Despite your cheerful expressions there were bags under your eyes and a hint of an empty battery. Sam slowly noticed the subtle changes in your demeanor, questioning why you did not reach out for him.

Usually the tall male would comfort you if anything went wrong. Though once again your brightness vanished, worrying him. Sam, who loved you more than anyone else, desired your happiness. Concern etched across his features as he observed you from across the room, sensing that something weighed heavily on your heart. Should he reach out to you? He was unsure, uncertain if you simply needed space or desperately needed him.

But as you nearly tripped over nothing but tiredness, he decided to finally approach you carefully. “Babe,” Sam called you gently, his voice carrying a blend of care and worry. He moved closer, his tall frame towering above you. “Are you alright?”

You knew your facade had slipped and anxiety rushed through your mind. You lied, trying not to burden your boyfriend. With a forced smile, you replied, “Yeah, everything's fine. Just a bit tired, nothing more.”

As anyone would, Sam didn’t trust your empty response, eyeing you carefully. There was something major wrong with you and he refused to stay out of the picture. Instead of accepting your reply, he remained persistent, being worried about you. He took a seat beside you.

“You know you can talk to me, right?” he said, his voice soft but unwavering.

You hesitated for a moment, grappling with the internal conflict of whether to share the burden or keep it hidden. There was nothing ‘wrong’ with you. You couldn’t put a finger on the cause, yet let alone tell anyone what it was. Luckily you softened up, his concern consumed you, making you feel guilty for not telling him how you felt.

Silently, honest words left your mouth, “Uh- I don't know what's going on, Sam. I've been feeling... off. I’m lost. I don’t know why, but this sadness just won't lift. I'm trying to shake it, but seems I’m too weak for it.”

Even though you avoided his gaze, you sought to look at him. Sam sighed, putting his big, warm palm on your waist. “You’re not too weal, sweetheart.” Sam’ eyes watched you attentively. “Sometimes, these things don't have a clear explanation. It's okay. It’s okay not to be fine, Y/n. You're not alone in this."

Sam pulled you closer on your waist, embracing you into an intimate hug. Immediately a big chunk of weight dropped since you finally had opened up to your significant other. It helped you from the second he hugged you.

Your whispers again filled the room, “I appreciate you," you admitted, "I just... I didn't want to burden you guys with it. You both have so much on your plates already."

Sam's thumb traced comforting circles on your back. He was warm, huggable and so tender with you, that you melted into his care. “You're not a burden. Never. We're a family, and family supports each other. Dean and I are here for you, no matter what.”

An honest smile covered your lips, “I love you, Sam.”

The hug tightened and you felt how Sam pressed his lips on your head.

“I love you too.”

#sam x reader #supernatural sam #sam and dean #sam winchester #sam winchester x reader #sam x you #sam winchester x you #supernatural #spn fanfic #spn

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idolish7imagines · 1 year ago

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Uhm sorry Im a little embarrassed but can I request a Tenn and Momo x shy reader who is also VERY clingy and easily emotional (both when overly happy and upset)?👉👈 thank you.

Tenn and Momo x shy reader who is also VERY clingy and easily emotional

.::.

Kujo Tenn

Tenn being more gentle with you than others was already a given, you were his s\o after all

However, it is a bit of a learning curve dealing with both your clinginess and rapidly changing emotions

He loves you with all his heart though, so for you he's willing to deal with it; using less harsh words so he won't sound too critical and making sure there's not any other sources around you that would cause you discomfort (he's learned how to manage that well from his experience with his twin brother)

He doesn't mind your shyness, its actually refreshing after being around his fellow groupmates that can tend to get loud from time to time

It's actually kind of a relief since that means you won't ever draw attention to the two of you

Sometimes he isn't aware how much of your shyness applies to him though. In private, the two of you have your passionate moments, with him cupping your cheeks and whispering sweet nothings into your ear

A slow blink is his response to you getting flustered..before slowly realizing he enjoys the effect he has on you and wants to push it even further, a smirk playing on his features.

Your cheerfulness does tend to be infectious, usually even making him sport a small smile when he's had a hard day

Sometimes he wishes you would be less clingy in front of others though, he hates the teases being thrown his way if you so much as wrap your arm around his, resting your head on his shoulder

He hates leaving you on read due to work because he doesn't want you to be sad. Tenn tries to make it up to you by spending most if not all of his off days with you

When you have moments where you're easily upset, sometimes he isn't sure what to say to make you calm down (especially if he doesn't see what you're upset over as a big deal) but he doesn't invalidate your feelings and does his best to get you feeling happy again, offering to share sweets with you

"What am I going to do with you?" The angelic idol gave you one of his smiles that'd make even his most stoic of fans hearts melt, petting your head as your arms clung around his waist not wanting him to leave your side.

Momo

Honestly Momo is the exact same as you

He isn't shy in general but when it comes to people he greatly admires he'll turn stiff as a board at the notion of getting closer to them

so if youre clingy and easily emotional, he completely understands, even returning the feelings

Unfortunately one con might be that if you two were to ever argue (which would probably be over something extremely serious like Tsukumo or overworking himself since Momo is relatively easygoing otherwise) both of you would probably start acting out and need a third party Yuki or Okarin to be a voice of reason

The bright side though is Momo is quick to apologize and even get you flowers

If he needs someone to hype him up he knows he can always come to you and he always does the same vice versa

If you text him a lot when you miss him while he's working, he makes sure to respond as soon as he can so you feel less lonely

The cheery idol also doesn't mind PDA (while disguised of course so he gives you lots of kisses and hugs and holds your hand

his favorite is swinging your hands back and forth while walking

He's used to dealing with shy people so if you need him to speak for you he'll always do it

Though don't think that means you're exempt from his impish tendencies

Momo will still tease you sometimes. If you cover your blushing face with your hands, he'll grab them away and press a kiss on your nose

"Ehehe, (Y/N)-chan~ I'm already thinking about what I wanna do with you. Now that I finally have you to myself, you'll never escape as long as possible!" Your boyfriend playfully nibbles your neck. You're in for a nice cuddle session since both of you feel its been far too long since the last one.

#idolish7 #idolish7 x reader #ainana #idolish seven #idolish7 headcanons #i7 #kujo tenn #kujo tenn x reader #idolish7 momo #momo x reader #momose sunohara #momose sunohara x reader #trigger #re:vale

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humanitys-strongest-bamf · 1 year ago

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i had a nightmare, so naturally i wrote about some related to it lmao

My Pleasure | BFF!Levi Fluff

✧ word count ➼ > 950 ✧ notes ➼ fluff, bff!levi ✧ cw: mentions of gaslighting, mentions of invalidation

The breeze was pretty significant with how high up you were. If you looked under you, you could see the night lights. You weren't on that tall of a building, but it was high up enough that you were hidden from prying eyes. Your legs dangled off the edge of the building as you stared off into the distance, doing what little you could to regulate your mood.

Although your head was swirling with chaos, you wore a blank expression on your face. Your eyes seemed empty, and you had been masking for so long that it seemed like second nature at this point.

You didn't even remember what you were upset about, but all you remembered was that you were with your group of friends and had gotten upset about something. When you brought it up, instead of having a productive conversation, your friends decided to invalidate every other thing you were saying. You felt attacked and pushed away, and ended up deciding that the best thing to do was to shut up and mask.

"Haven't seen you here in a bit."

You heard a familiar voice and looked up, seeing probably the only friend you had right now that you didn't resent.

"Could say the same to you."

Levi took a seat next to you.

"Friends say you've been acting different."

You were looking down towards the street below you, holding your hands together as you twiddled your thumbs as a way of fidgeting. It was ironic that your friends even said anything, given how quick they were to push you aside.

You were upset and you couldn't deny that, but you felt you didn't have the right to be upset. You had internalized their beliefs that you were 100% in the wrong, and convinced yourself that any negative emotion you were having should just be pushed away and that you didn't need to bother anyone else with it.

"I'm fine."

"Bullshit," Levi said with a scoff. "Look at me."

After a few seconds of no response, he tutted in disapproval and shoved at your shoulder a bit.

"Look at me," he repeated.

You finally turned and lifted your gaze to meet his. You could see the deep level of concern in his eyes, and he was immediately able to see past your mask, and see the pain in yours.

"What happened?" he asked quietly.

His soft tone made you tempted to break down and cry on the spot, but you couldn't. You still felt like you weren't allowed to.

"...I got upset about something," you said after a long pause. "I don't even remember what it was to be honest, but they kept on insisting that what I was saying didn't happen..."

You trailed off, pausing for a few seconds before continuing quietly.

"...or that I was overreacting, or that I was being dramatic. It seemed like every other word that came out of my mouth was just getting shut down."

You emotionally withdrew from the situation as a method of protecting yourself. Levi was able to tell that immediately. It was a habit of yours that he had picked up from day one, and he couldn't blame you, as harmful as it was.

"I'm questioning if maybe they're right," you continued. "Maybe I am just seeing things that aren't actually there, feeling things that I have no right to feel-"

"Cut that out," he said sternly, cutting you off.

You immediately stopped talking and looked at him in confusion.

"Are you not hearing yourself?"

He sounded annoyed, but the look of concern in his eyes remained.

"You're allowed to feel how you feel," he said with a frown, as if he was astonished that you were even doubting yourself. "It doesn't matter what the fuck other people say happened or not, how you feel is how you feel and there's no changing that—and they're fucking idiots for trying to tell you otherwise."

You looked away, pondering over what he was trying to say.

"And they're assholes for trying to tell you that you're not allowed to feel a certain way or invalidating what it was that got you upset."

Your cheeks began to heat up as he spoke. As always, every word that came out of Levi's mouth hit you like a truck. The validation from him alone brought up something within you, although you couldn't tell exactly what it was. It made your heart pound and your entire body heat up. It was just the effect he had on you.

"...really wish more people were like you," you whispered.

"Yeah?" he said, glancing down at you.

"Yeah," you affirmed, looking down at the ground again. "Sorry for being a pain in the ass."

He shoved you again.

"Didn't I say to cut that out? Quit pitying yourself."

The pout returned on your face as you slightly stuck your bottom lip out.

"You're valid and allowed to have emotions or get upset over things. I don't give a shit what the rest of your friends say. They can fuck off for all I care."

You quickly found yourself leaning against him with your head resting on his shoulder. This wasn't a new occurrence and it provided you an oddly comforting feeling.

"Thanks for always being there," you mumbled as you shut your eyes.

It was always Levi that was there, no matter how shitty your situation was. If you were a little less distracted, you might have been more willing to explore whatever it was that was going on between the two of you, but neither of you were emotionally aware enough at the moment to do anything about it.

"...my pleasure."

#: @chaotic-on-main @romantichomicide95 @levisbrat25 @leviismybby @moonmalice @averysmolbear @cathybarn @tclbts @belovedackerman @bejewelledd @sad-darksoul @ackermendick @aomi04 @apolloshaiku @laraackerman @pulpolicia @raenacreates @nube55 @roseofdarknessblog @saenora @noctemys @sixpennydame @sleepyfairyxo @heichoucleanfreak @svftackerman @levis-squishy-cheeks @dumbfound-princess @deepzombieyouth @evas-leslas join my taglist!

#tw: gaslighting #tw: invalidation #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackermann x reader #levi heichou x reader #captain levi x reader #levi fluff #levi #levi ackerman #levi ackermann #levi heichou #captain levi #attack on titan #aot #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyoujin #snk

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peachym00 · 8 months ago

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Do you regret it?

kpanniversary2024 - prompt: regret

(post canon, after the hospital discharge)

“Do you regret it?” Pete looks down at his slippered feet. There isn’t much in life he regrets. Why waste time wishing you could change something when it was impossible to go back and alter time? “No,” he uttered quietly, dragging his gaze back up to an expression of deep fury. “No,” Vegas mocks him, cruel and insecure. “I would if I were you. There’s nothing I would regret more, in fact, than quitting my job to look after the…invalid.” The last word is spat out with such vitriol that he sends saliva flying into the air. Pete opens his mouth to remind Vegas that he isn’t technically classed as an invalid, but he gets interrupted by the glass of water he’d just given him being thrown across the room and shattering into a million pieces. He frowns at the wastage and the probable dent in the expensive wooden flooring. “There’s nothing to regret. If I didn’t want to be here, then I wouldn’t be.” Instead of reassuring him, this seems to anger Vegas even more. “As if you enjoy looking after me. What a joke your life has become. Or maybe you're used to it; you were basically a glorified babysitter on Tankhun duty. ” Pete snickered. He was right, in a way, about Tankhun, that is, not about anything else. “I don’t enjoy it when you throw glasses at me. Or when you assume you know what I’m thinking.” Vegas rolls his eyes, leaning his head onto the back of the sofa where he’d been sitting most of the morning. “I didn’t throw it at you.” “You didn’t need to throw it at all.” Pete sighs, though not with any malice. Vegas had a thing about regret. It was all he seemed to get stuck on, over and over again, no matter how often Pete had told him that he didn’t regret a thing. Maybe it was the demons in his head. Perhaps he was projecting. Or maybe he was sick and tired, still recovering from being shot, and not in any way, shape, or form coping with the fact that he was still unable to function as a healthy human being. Firing missile after missile of pain and misery that he had no idea how to deal with. And Pete was always the target, hitting him dead in the centre of his heart every single time. “Well, are you gonna clean it up?” Vegas sneered, trying to look high and mighty from his perch on the sofa, wrapped in a blanket and looking anything but. Pete tilted his head. No. No, he was not.

#poor pete #vegas is really putting him through the wringer #vegas theerapanyakul #pete saengtham #vegaspete #kinnporsche the series #kpanniversary2024 #my writing

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dana-chan-the-control-brain · 1 year ago

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See, here's the thing, I am onboard with SolarxMoon. Their dynamic is the cutest within the Tsams/Tlaes that I have enjoyed. What I am not onboard, as an AroAce, is when you and your friends use your A-specs cards as some sort of gotcha. Yes, some A-specs can date either romantically or qpr, and they are used against us A-specs that are romance/sex-repulsed as some sort of invalidation of who we are. We are all too familiar with: "Well, this A-specs person dates. What's stopping you? You have no excuse." and "I like shipping and I'm A-specs, so..."

You and your friends got to understand why the way you worded things made you three seem aphobic to your own community. Adding on, celebrating that Moon is now questioning was another questionable move on your guys' part. A lot of A-specs Tsams fans found comfort in him being AroAce and being the representation for a group who has little to no representation at all in any sort of media. Imagine how it felt seeing people of your own community being happy that the one thing we had as a community is now being erased.

Just because you're part of the minority group doesn't mean you can't be -phobic to that very same group. Tons upon tons of LGBTQA+ infighting has proven this.

Okay.

I tried to go to bed.

But I couldn't after I got this message.

It got me really tossing and turning and thinking, truthfully.

So, maybe I haven't made myself clear in my initial posts.

But I am not saying or using A-spec cards as a "gotcha"

That is not my intention so let me make it abundantly clear what I am trying to say.

Solar and Moon are not real.

Even if Moon was ace, I would ship them Queerplatonically, and I still do right now.

I believe limiting characters on how they can be shipped is Acephobic. Because you are limiting options and narrowing the box of what the ace spectrum can be.

My experiences are not others experiences.

The reason why I personally was excited about Moon being questioning, is because my sexuality is very fluid.

I have identified as Bisexual, Queer, Dyke, Questioning, Demisexual, Grey and Fag.

As of now, I am experimenting with the term aroace and it seems to fit me for now. Will I change it in a few years? Perhaps. I'm not even sure on how much aroace I am. Probably more demi or grey spectrum.

But a fictional character, expressing need to change their sexual orientation because of differing circumstances, means a great deal to me. Because back then, folks thought 'the gays' we're just all 'born this way' or there is something wrong with us.

That if you were gay or ace or lesbian you were born that way and it's concrete and nothing you can do or say will say that.

Unless they literally beat or fucked it out of you. Which is just awful btw.

Nowadays, people experimenting with sexuality and labels is far more common.

To see it in characters in a silly little youtube show like Moon, and Lunar makes me really happy.

It tells me "yes you can change your mind. You can be whatever you want to be."

So when I say "I am on the ace spectrum and I ship this"

What I actually mean is:

"They are fictional characters and you are flexible to portray them in any level of ace that you want that you personally identify with. Because they are not real. They can be whatever level of ace you want."

I am allowing every single ace to express Moon at the level of aceness they feel comfortable with. Because he is not real. Where he lies on the spectrum is entirely up to you. Your fanart. Your fanworks.

Now. Did you need all my sexual identity history to know that.

Probably not.

But I had to let this all out here. Because I'm tired.

If this makes me Acephobic by saying that sexuality is flexible and labels can be changed and so can levels of the spectrum with experience.....

Then...

I don't know man.

I'm tired.

#personal #sexuality is flexible

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shovelbug · 1 year ago

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Hello! This is my first time writing a request so I apologize if it's confusing. I saw one of your headcanon posts and I really liked it. I was wondering if you could maybe write some romantic headcanons for Arven (pokémon) with a transmasculine reader who has very invalidating family members? I personally have bad dysphoria and family issues and would appreciate if you could write this sometime; You may decline if you dont feel comfortable with this request, though.

-Pepper :D

not confusing at all, no worries. i hope you like it. i tried to do a little of both; comfort for dysphoria, and comfort for family issues.

arven x transmasc! reader w/ family issues

When Arven first hears about your family issues, he's moreso angry on your behalf. He has his own share of family trauma, but for family members to not support you? It's beyond him.

You're so... so good, he thinks. How can't they see that?

"hey, do you want me to like... kill those guys for you?"

"what." "nothing."

If you'd like him to, in a situation where you have to interact with your family, he'll go with you as moral support.

he'll hold your hand and give you reassuring squeezes, and won't even flinch if you're practically holding on for dear life back.

He can't promise he'll be peaceful if he hears them say anything unsavory, but he'll try. for you.

watches them with a careful glare the whole time and will not hesitate to get the two of you out of there as soon as he thinks it's needed.

if not, he'll text you during it and wait for you when you get back.

they're usually reassuring words, pictures of Mabosstiff, or food. Will definitely make you something tasty afterwards.

it'll help motivate you and give you something to look forward to, and it keeps him busy, so it's a win-win for him.

"regardless of what they think... i know who you are. More importantly, you know who you are." followed up by a kiss to the top of your head.

if you bind, he'll hold onto your stuff for you if it's something you need to keep secret. will also wash your binder for you if you use one, etc

speaking of binding, reminds you to be safe and take breaks, all that stuff. he will not hesitate to wrangle you so you can give your body a break; he won't compromise your health if he has anything to say about it.

you somehow never cease to amaze Arven; this is no different, either.

he knows that it's not easy, being trans. he might not be able to relate to your struggle exactly, but he's aware of the great strength that's required to be true to yourself.

for that, you are already so much stronger than those who try to tell you otherwise.

when you're feeling dysphoric, he'll wrap you up in his vest and let you watch whatever you want on the TV in his dorm while he makes snacks.

His vest smells like him. It's an effective distraction!

Arven's always telling you how handsome you are anyways, but he's careful not to lay it on too thick when you're feeling like this. He doesn't want to come across as condescending.

He does, however, gush over how handsome you are if you go shopping together. He's more than happy to accompany you, and every time you come out of the changing room to get his opinion on something, his response is usually a playful wolf whistle.

DEFINETLY makes "what's cooking, good looking?" jokes almost every time.

you probably groan and roll your eyes at him, but it's very genuine. His comments may all kind of be the same, but it's only because he thinks you look good in anything.

more than anything, he wants you to be happy. seeing you be confident makes him happy in turn; he'll always support you no matter what.

sneakily buys sandwich toothpicks with little trans flags on them when you're not looking to put in your sandwiches

"Just know I love you, okay? Regardless of everything... you're so cool. I'm so proud of you."

#arven x reader #pokemon x reader #pokemon sv x reader #arven x male reader #arven x transmasc reader

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