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hiveworks · 1 year ago

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Vampires, Witches, and Magic

Interview with Eric Lide and Angélica María

October 2023

Solstoria by Angélica María (aka: @charmwitch) and Ozzie the Vampire by Eric Lide (aka: @ericlide) are celebrating their 10th year anniversaries! We're diving into these absolute webcomic legends to learn more about their creative process in a joint interview with María and Lide.

Ozzie the Vampire is a webcomic about a vampire gal named Ozzie and her best friend Kimmy who find themselves protecting the town of Gloomburg, New Jersey, which seems to always find itself under the constant assault of demonic forces from the underworld. Sometimes they even learn something!

Solstoria is follows a girl named Samantha and her brother, Lawrence, who carries the weight of protecting his family on his shoulders. When he goes missing, Samantha embarks on an adventure to become a knight.

For a look behind the scenes at these two webcomic series, read on!

It's spooky season, and both of your comics have themes of the supernatural. What kinds of creepy or magical energy do you bring into your comic?

Eric Lide:

I think the demons in Ozzie the Vampire bring the creepy energy for sure. A lot of them have bizarre and impractical anatomy, and they’re pretty enthusiastic about eating people. Magic is a constant presence in the story as well, mostly through the spells Kimmy and Grimsley use to help Ozzie fight the bad guys.

Angélica María:

To start off, let's talk about the environments! There are certain areas and themes in Solstoria based around my love of Halloween! I'm not from the continental United States, so I've always loved the idea of a spooky air, or of pumpkins and ghosts. The Wayward Lands and Farmlands, two prominent areas spoken about in the story, are themed after the fall season in the United States. Besides that, witches carry a great importance in the story. They are magically gifted individuals of any gender, who purify the air and specialize in magics that are of help to the greater good of society. A witch is someone who can tame ghosts, calm uneven levels of magic in the city, and provide useful trinkets and charms for the everyday chore. They're just neat! Pointy hats are all the rage, too.

Which character in your comic would survive a horror movie?

EL:

Well Ozzie is more or less immortal, so she could probably sleepwalk her way through any horror movie scenario…

AM:

Oddly enough, I feel like Samantha and Oksana (eventually) have the calmest head on their shoulders. Most of the adults would probably be fine, Huxley would serve as a great merchant in between sanctuaries, but as for the rest… Actually, who's to say Solstoria isn't secretly horror…

A decade is a long time to be telling a story! Congratulations! How has your comic changed over the course of its publication?

EL:

When I first started out, I was just kind of drawing whatever and not thinking too much about the future. At that time, I was just trying to cram in as many fight scenes or gags as possible. Over the years though, I’ve come to love these characters and I think about them nonstop, so I’ve been writing more scenarios that challenge them on a personal level. There’s even a bit of romance coming up, which would’ve been unthinkable to me ten years ago.

AM:

Thank you so much! I burnt out for a few years, so you can definitely see my art style and narrative changing. I hope it's not... toooooooooo drastic of a change, but I always told myself to experiment on my pages and change things as I saw fit. If you re-read Solstoria, you will simply see my art evolve with no care of consistency. I apologize if this is glaring, but honestly- it's fun! One of the biggest changes now that I'm working on the story again is that we've swapped protagonists! Currently, we're seeing the story through Lawrence's eyes. Samantha's elder brother is possessed by a crow god, but he still thinks of his family first. Hopefully, they can figure something out together though!

What motivates you to keep going?

EL:

I’ve always been drawing comics since I was very young, so it’s hard to say. I think once a story is in me, it has to come out in some form, even if it takes forever or no one is interested in reading it. That said, comments– audience response of any kind, really– is always a huge boost for me.

Solstoria has an electric 2010s anime flavor. What kind of series inspire you? Do you have any manga or comic recs?

AM:

Oh, I appreciate the comparison, but I wish to counter it- Solstoria is heavily inspired by Japanese RolePlaying Games! Specifically, games created by Capcom, GameArts, Square-Enix, and a few others on top of that! I do have a few anime I quite enjoy, like Princess Tutu formulated my brain intensely. I highly recommend watching this show if you want to experience a masterpiece! If you just want a good time, I also quite like Slayers! As for video games, I have so many to recommend! I love Fire Emblem, Breath of Fire, Star Ocean, LUNAR, Lufia... and so much more! All of these games are close to my heart, but stylistically, I think the Disgaea series has a lot of visual influence on Solstoria.

Ozzie the Vampire has a cool punk flair that reminds me of webcomics I liked from the 2000s. Where do you draw inspiration from? Do you have any zine or webcomic recommendations?

EL:

Music was a big influence on Ozzie! There’s a lot of references to my favorite punk and metal records throughout the series, some obvious, others not so much. I always wanted the comic to look something like a scrappy punk zine. I don’t get to read many webcomics these days, but Boxcar City Rush has been a recent favorite.

What can fans of your series look forward to in the coming year?

EL:

More updates, hopefully. This year was a bit sparse due to working on my debut graphic novel, The Champion of Draeland, but I’ve been wrapping that up and eager to dive back into Ozzie. I have many other graphic novels on the way though, so balancing both worlds is going to be an interesting challenge.

AM:

I'm very ahead of schedule, so I hope I can keep the momentum going. We're learning quite a bit about Samantha's brother, Lawrence, but we will also learn soon about another character who is pivotal to both siblings. He's a quiet, gentle person who tries to take on things on his own, and it doesn't go his way. Also murder. There may be murder.

What is the best way for fans of your series to support you?

EL:

Leaving comments, reblogging and sharing updates, all that stuff really helps for sure! Fan art always brightens my day. I have a Patreon as well where I post early updates and behind-the-scenes material for only $2 a month. And of course, supporting my graphic novels once they release!

AM:

Honestly I really just love comments and tags on tumblr and twitter! If you wish to support me, you can always see early updates on Patreon! Thank you so much! But honestly, I just want to hear feedback from people and hear their thoughts and feelings about my work. It makes me so very happy.

Read Solstoria and Ozzie the Vampire for free and follow @charmwitch and @ericlide for updates!

#comic #webcomic #vampire #witches #hiveworks #solstoria #ozzie the vampire #blog #interview

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youredreamingofroo · 6 months ago

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~ @simblr-question-of-the-day ~

So I kinda have like... series names and then also just like, names that are treated like story/series names ig... idk I'll just do all of them LMAO

(putting it under the cut cuz ermmm this is long LMAO)

Make the Most of It - Sims 2 Rotation w/ Roo So I actually came up with this name on a whim iirc? I know I wanted to make this series, but I didn't know what to name it, so I just started taking silly little dramatic shots and then while I was doing the "Make the Most of It" (which didnt have MtMoI on it at this point) gif I was like... oh "Make the Most of It" fucks so hard for a title... especially for this series... and yea 🤷‍♂️ Idk or remember if there were other names I was gonna go with

Hiraeth - Roo x Leo Story Arc So originally I just wasn't gonna have a name for these two, or at least, I wanted one but couldnt think of anything, but one night I was DEDICATED to finding a name for this arc, so I started looking up phrases in other languages that either meant longing or loving someone ahdbsjns I had a tab on notepad with all the names I was gonna go for (I was gonna do phrases from Welsh,,, Irish and I think Swedish too?), but ofc i closed it and didnt save it 😒 Anyways, I know the other name I was gonna go for was "Cwtch" which is a Welsh word for "cuddle" or "embrace", and I ALMOST went for that, but then I considered Hiraeth ("deep longing for a person or thing which is absent or lost; yearning; nostalgia; spec. homesickness") and was like ohhh thats so much more fitting- I also chose to go with Welsh because Leo is Welsh and Leo is the reason this is happening.. so it kinda just made sense to make it Welsh. Also haven't talked abt this, but Roo knows about Hiraeth from Leo :)

WE'RE.ALL.SICK - Story with a cast of Three iirc when I thought of this title, I wasn't even planning on making a Story, but then i though of W.A.S and just thought "this would make an INSANE story..." and 🤷‍♂️ now we have W.A.S. Although the whole story was essentially made around this name, There is also meaning behind it, and that is "We're ALL Sick", refers to the people oppressing people who are "different" (chaotic birthmarks on the green guy, weird scarring on the yellow guy and blindness and masc frame on the red/blue gal) and the people who are "different" or as the oppressors call them, "Sick", so it's jabbing at the Oppressors and mocking the name given to the Oppressed :'L

MYGENERATIONALCURSE - Hero's Story I made this on a whim ngl LMAO But I love it because it is accurate to Hero's lore, she has a generational curse dating as far back as ~100 years ago, there was no other name in mind, it was kinda like fate

It's All Wrong - Ithuriel x Nanel Story I know I've never really gone into depth over what the fuck "It's All Wrong" means or refers to, but basically Ithuriel is the "Repository of Sin" and her job requires her to be isolated from other Angels, and is literally not allowed to communicate with other Angels including Nanel unless necessary, and if she WERE to communicate with Nanel/Other Angels outside of when necessary and got found out, she would be executed. Nanel is the highest Angel Messenger, she goes to the Pits of The Damned (Hell) and goes to Purgatory and across Heaven to deliver messages to others, typically an angel wouldnt be allowed to traverse the Pits of The Damned or Purgatory, but she has a job-exception, and this also includes delivering messages to Ithuriel, which is the only time Nanel is allowed to converse with her. So that being said, Nanel and Ithuriel, if you havent caught on, are deathly (literally) in love with each other and were dating prior to Ithuriels Job Assignment, and they continue to secretly date and converse, but the point is that their love is secretive and "all wrong", hence, "It's All Wrong"

AMNESIA - Gameplay/Story of Sharkie Shaw I know literally nobody (besides my irl, Oksana and I think one other person) knows about Sharkie, but basically, the name refers to how Sharkie experienced Amnesia as a Teen and stupidly ran away from home while experiencing Amnesia, so she became Homeless and a shell of a person and had to rebuild herself and her personality and life from the ground up :')

The Wolf (Sheep) - Onia's Story If you remember Onia from the Feelings Post (She was jealousy), basically her whole shebang is that shes a Sheep in Wolf's clothing, and that's what "The Wolf (Sheep)" means :) (also, sheep being in parentheses nods at how she's trying to be a wolf and hides her sheep-like personality if that makes sense LMAO)

There's also Vanella, Kyneva and Phoenix (Vanella from this post, Kyneva - Sadness and Phoenix - Grief from the feelings post), all of which I am planning on giving "story" names, but havent had an idea for them yet :P

if I didn't mention having an alternative name then I PROBABLY didnt have an alternative name that I was gonna go with or I just dont remember <:))

#Story:Collective #Story:CollectiveBTS #< i need a tag/tags for collective story talk cuz i cant just tag 50 stories LMFAO so yea theres that #(fast forward to me forgetting that tag when i need to use it)#SQOTD #simblr question of the day #yapping

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freifraufischer · 1 year ago

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So How To Get Your Favorite Gymnast to the Olympics... a primer

Now that we have the last of the 2023 Worlds Qualification events over it's time to go through what comes next... how do they get to the Olympics?

2022 Worlds - The top three teams from the team final earned a trip to Paris - USA, GBR, CAN.

2023 Worlds - The next 9 teams in team qualification (excluding the three from 1) go to Paris

2023 Worlds - Teams 13-15 in team qualification earn 1 non-nominative spot at Paris. That is a spot that the federation can assign however they wish and it counts against the 3 maximum that a country can send to the Olympics if they did not qualify a team.

2023 Worlds - 14 gymnasts with the top AA scores not any country that qualified a team in points 1 and 2, 1 per country get a nominative spot to the Olympics. That is it's for them by name and if they end up not going to the Olympics it goes to the next person in line their country can no reassign them. If France qualifies a team (which is likely unless the French federation manages to destroy itself between now and October) then this number goes up to 15 because they get an automatic slot as host country for 1 individual.

2023 Worlds - The highest ranked gymnast from each apparatus final that is not from a country that qualified a team in points 1 or 2, and did not qualify in the AA QF described in point 4 gets a nominative spot. If there are no gymnasts in the final that fit that criteria they go the apparatus qualification list.

2023 Pan American Games/2024 European Championships/2024 Asian Championships/2024 African Championships/2024 Oceania Championships - The top AA gymnast from qualification who is not from a team that qualified in point 1 or 2, and who did not qualify individually at Worlds.

2024 World Cups - Two gymnasts per Apparatus based on points from the 4 events in Feb-April 2024. Each apparatus is 1 per country so one country can not take both uneven bars slots but they could take 1 slot from three different apparatus.

Things to know... the order matters. If you have qualified in one of the earlier numbered steps you don't count in the later ones. So if say Kovacs Zsofia qualifies in the AA and is in the bars final at 2023 Worlds it's the AA slot that she takes not the bars one. If a country qualifies three people through 2023 Worlds then the later qualification steps wont be open to them because they've already gotten their three.

So what does that mean for your favs?

If we project the results from 2022 Worlds and use them as a guide for 2023 Worlds the teams would be USA, CHN, GBR, FRA, CAN, NED, BRA, AUS, ITA, BEL, JPN, GER. That doesn't mean these will be the qualifiers (other than the USA, GBR, and CAN who are already qualified) but they're who you expect to be likely.

The three countries that would have taken the 13-15 slots were KOR, MEX, and HUN. I think those are going to be your likely spoilers.

Now let's move to some darlings from small feds (or former Americans in new hats in some cases). Oksana Chusovitina is currently only qualified to worlds on vault and uneven bars so those are the only events she can participate on. So you say, she's got a good chance of getting the vault spot from worlds.

Well... no I don't think she's the odds on favorite. YEO Seojeong (KOR) would have taken that spot if it was awarded based on last year's worlds. Now KOR is sitting in that spoiler spot as a team so maybe they make the Olympics as a team and then she's off the table. Yeo has also done the AA in the past but she's not Korea's best AAer on paper so I would expect one of her team mates to qualify through the AA.

Chuso's best path to her 9th Olympics is likely the 2024 World Cup series but there are a number of small fed vault specialists who will be very competitive with her and I doubt we'll have any real sense what her chances are until we see who qualifies at Worlds. For instance RASMUSSEN Camille (DEN) could beat Chuso in that series but she could also qualify through the AA at Worlds and be out of that pool. And who knows if the Russians will be battling out in that World Cup pool.

Similarly I think NEMOUR Kaylia (ALG) is the most likely person to take a bars qualification out of Worlds but she also could qualify in the AA and unlike Yeo she doesn't have team mates who may qualify above her. Nemour also has a clear advantage if she's still looking to qualify at the 2024 African Championships. I think that provided she stays healthy she is a safe bet to make it to Paris.

I think floor and beam are pretty up in the air.

So now we get to the messy questions about former Americans now competing for other countries. If you map this qualification process onto 2022 worlds the AA score of the last qualifier for Paris would be 48.866. I expect that to be slightly higher at 2023 Worlds because there were a number of AAers who didn't do the AA at 2022 Worlds who will have incentives to do so here. I expect the cut off to be somewhere between 50-51.

Here are what some other names to note got at their continental championships this year in the AA.

ESCALERA Natalia (MEX) - 53.266. She will likely qualify through the AA at Worlds.

MORENO Alexa (MEX) - 51.600. Moreno has competition for the best potential AA score on the Mexican team (see Escalera) but if the fields repeated themselves at the Pan American Games she would be in the position to be the AA qualifier for the Pan American Union. If she doesn't well she goes into the thunder dome that is the 2024 Apparatus World Cup.

IRFANALUTHFI Rifda (INA) - 51.298. An AA score that I think should be in the right range to qualify, from a small fed with no competing team mates. I think if she repeats her performance from Asian champs at Worlds she has a good shot. Similarly assuming China qualifies a team and Korea qualifies 3 gymnasts through 2023 Worlds (both likely) then she's at the moment the most likely individual qualifier out of the 2024 Asian championships if she doesn't qualify at Worlds. But there is a big if. She got an 9.833 beam score at Worlds last year....

ROOSKRANTZ Caitlin (RSA) - 50.632. She came in second to Nemour at African champs, so assuming that Nemour will likely qualify in some way at Worlds then Roozkrantz has a good shot at qualifying through 2024 African champs if she doesn't do so at Worlds.

FINNEGAN Aleah (PHI) - 50.399. She should qualify at worlds, especially if she manages not to fall twice on bars like she did at Asian champs. I honestly think a lot will depend on what rotation she has to go to bars because I suspect a lot of the issues the Philippines had at Asian champs related to going to bars in the 4th rotation. If she doesn't qualify at Worlds she has a decent shot at the 2024 Asian Champs but I honestly expect her to get this done at Worlds.

BARROS Sydney (PUR) - 50.234. She also falls in the sweet spot of maybe she qualifies at Worlds maybe she just misses. She'll get a second shot at Pan Am Games a month later if she misses out.

ABDELSALAM Jana (EGY) - 49.832. She came in third at African Champs but we start getting in the iffy range for scores to qualify and there are on paper better AAers in her continental union.

DARIES Naveen (RSA) - 49.533. A repeat of what I said about Abdelsalam. She's in the cut off range but she has the disadvantage of being the likely second South African AAer so her best chance is if Nemour and Rooskrantz qualify at Worlds and then she has a good shot to fight out that 2024 African champs slot.

KVAMME Kylee Ann (PHI) - 48.765. She's not qualifying at worlds because even if she falls in the right range (and her score doesn't suggest she will) then Finnegan will 1 per country her out of the pool. She also has no chance of qualifying at 2024 Asian Champs as there are many Asian gymnasts from small feds that are better AAers. Yes she fell on bars but she just does not have the difficulty to be competitive.

BROWN Lynnzee (HAI) - 48.100. I'm going to be honest... she's going to have a tough road. She needs more difficulty to be in contention at Worlds or at the PAG. There are a number of small fed AAers in the Pan American union who scored higher than her at Pan Am Champs.

ELSADEK Sandra (EGY) - 46.699. She has no chance of qualifying for the Olympics. I hope she enjoys her Worlds experience.

MALABUYO Emma Lauren (PHI). She didn't do the AA at Asian champs so can't go to worlds but I've seen people ask about her. Her path to the Olympics is limited. She can win the AA at Asian Champs... but when was the last time she did the AA? She can also get a spot at the 2024 World Cups and I actually think she could increase the difficulty on her floor to be an outside shot there. The problem is ... will the Philippines pay to send her (and the judge) to those world cups. And will she want to miss 6 weeks of the NCAA season to do so?

If I was to take a stab in the dark I suspect that Korea, Hungary, and Mexico will all have 3 gymnasts at the Olympics and that Romania will have at least 2. But in what configurations I don't know.

#gymnastics

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deci-doodles · 11 months ago

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Misc assortment of OC doodles from recently that I had no idea how to post individually so I’ll just compile them :p feat previously shown family members+Tiziri in some outfits besides her Eremite one, and also me attempting to design Itto’s parents coz why not

More info+rambling under the cut

Aight SO,

Tiziri’s the Eremite lady that Tesey’s head over heels for and can’t blame him, she’s very charming, very competent, and won’t hesitate to call him out lol. She’s also the current successor in place for the matriarch (Tizemt) of her adoptive tribe (the Ifri, named after the goddess not the demons lol). They don’t exist in lore since the other two main GoF worshipping tribes don’t really fit the area of influence I wanted to use and Tanit were also a definite no go so instead, the Ifri are a smaller tribe that had branched off from the Tanit but under their current matriarch, have been slowly trying to make themselves more self sufficient and independent, with Tiziri being taken in by them as a child. after they took down the raiding party which had targeted her original tribe and family.

As of current game events, Tesey had been trying to collaborate with the Ifri with textile trading since he believed their work could sell really well in a more international market, so Tiziri’s been assigned to keep an eye on him and also just get a grasp of what kind of a person he is before letting him into their territory and all that (luckily for him he’s long passed the vibe check but after Fontaine’s AQ he had to make an emergency trip back to Morepesok).

Anyways I thought it’d be fun to draw her in a modern Moroccan caftan, but also a Ukrainian folk outfit since she does eventually make a trip over to Morepesok to visit Tesey’s family when they get together. Anyways like Kirena, Tonia and their mother, Oksana (I’ll post their design eventually wsojcndwoc), I’ve based it off outfits from the Luhansk area (go check out these blogposts for references I used for the embroidery it’s such a life saver, but yeah their mum’s side would be from the Donbas irl, dad’s from Zaporizhzhia). Jewellery’s primarily based off Amazigh jewellery from southern Morocco, as well as some Tuareg ones and also a few strings of Ukrainian korali ehe (they’re a gift from Tesey later on as a sign of his intent to take things more seriously and his sincerity). I tried my best with the tattoos since I didn’t want to just trace someone else’s given how personal they are but if anyone has any sources on Moroccan Amazigh tattoos please let me know 🙇🏻‍♀️

Next bit is just me realising that a good chunk of my labelled OCs (most aren’t) happen to be aspec, which I find absolutely hilarious (fyi I’m ace myself so this isn’t malicious I just think it’s funny how it keeps happening). Kageharu and Mingli are probs also some flavour of aro but I haven’t figured it out yet so they just have their ace labels for now

And, finally, Arataki Natsuki (荒瀧凪月) and Arataki Takenosuke (荒瀧岳之輔). Apparently I felt like revisiting old ideas from 2021 again weciswnjdsq, but still was fun to do. I’m aware it’s more likely Itto’s mother was also an oni (judging by his troubles voiceline regarding Granny Oni) but I thought it’d be interesting to explore what it could be like for humans given how prevalent oni discrimination is, both towards them but also towards humans who are close to them (again: see the voiceline on Granny Oni), as well as people learning to look past assumptions and all that fun stuff. They could’ve lived out a nice cottagecore life with their son if it weren’t for those damned robberies they got blamed for smh

Bonus concept portrait of Natsuki while I’m at it. Tbh one of my biggest pet peeves in designing related characters is making any character too similar to whichever canon character they’re related too and I just really wanted to show that yes, Itto does have quite a few of his mother’s features. It’d be more helpful if I actually drew him to compare ofc, but motivation do be funky like that and my brain wants me to draw Oksana next 😔

#deci doodles #genshin impact #genshin oc #genshin ocs #tiziri #tesey neshchadymenko #kyrena neshchadymenko #kaedehara kageharu #Kaedehara Suzuka #Cheng Mingli #Arataki Natsuki #Arataki Takenosuke

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villanevehaus · 2 years ago

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2, 11, 17, 45, and 100 (From your own AUs, which are your favorite characterizations of Eve and Villanelle? e.g. Ox vs TME’s Oksana/Vil)

!!! tysm !!! fic writer asks

2. talk about a notable time a narrative or character has looked you dead in the eyes and said “fuck your plan, here’s what we’re actually doing.”

hmmm, idk! i tend to get along w my narrators. i originally wrote ox getting more upset about eve's realization in ch5 (youre a decade younger than me and a woman and i leave soon etc) but decided it was ooc? thats really the only thing that comes to mind tbh. ive moved events and scenes and whatever but thats moreso overall structure rather than character/narrator.

11. what’s something neat you’ve learned while doing research for something you were writing? also, how much do you worry about doing research in general?

i have learned SO many neat things while researching oh my god. watched a documentary about the history of telephones in america! LOTS about vipers and venomous snakes, how housefires happen/get out of control, SOOO much medical shit, a lot about billie jean king! print history, art history, geographical & archaeological history. i don't 'worry' about research per se but i do tend to do a lot of it bc i always feel more confident with what im writing if its more grounded in reality. also this is what the worlds deadliest snake looks like.

17. what is your favourite line that you've written?

Her scar tissue aches with the memory of genesis, finally able to name a creator. is one that i love but isn't published yet and wont be for a hot sec. obligatory mention of the one-sentence chapter in eve undone that's Her orbit becomes misaligned, casting her soul in shadow as she's pulled from the sun. I also really like this very long sentence of There's nothing keeping your soft, smooth, tiny little body from a force that will willingly feed you to jagged rocks, stinging nettle, starvation, dehydration, ruination, evisceration, or all those hungry things made of teeth and teeth and teeth and teeth. bc i am ofc not immune to sea allegories.

45. name three of your favourite fanfic writers.

@sharkodactyl /pigflight on ao3 || @eveandpsyche / herbeloveve on ao3 || telanu on ao3 - ive only read this of their fics but it genuinely changed how i view relationships so!

100. From your own AUs, which are your favourite characterizations of Eve and Villanelle? e.g. Ox vs TME’s Oksana/Vil

god what a cruel question, how could you do this to me. i reeeeally have a soft spot for my sweet girl's eve & nelle ngl, but i think i just have a soft spot for my sweet girl in general oops. its difficult for me to choose bc stuff like thin walls and my sweet girl's characterizations are SO shallow just by virtue of the works they belong to being so short in comparison to the others? they almost dont fall in the same question. like my sweet girl is 48k and TME (which is nowhere near being done and also isn't even my longest work) is 134k, so obvs theyre not only different but differently fleshed out- 3 whole my sweet girls fit in TME, and TME aint even over.

i really adore TME eve tho shes such a cunt, and TME oksana/vil is about to get bananas. but also ox is also so so so sweet. IDK theyre all too different !! aa !

first reaction best reaction my sweet girl ♡

#ask games #asks #ty anon that last q took me out #anon

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rcsplendent · 2 years ago

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❝ i thought i told you, this world is not for you. ❞

☼☾ ( sebastian stan , 34 , he/him , cis man , markov 3 ) - have you seen aleksei markov ? we’ve heard through the grapevine that they’re guileful but also aloof. when you think of them, you think of an unblinking faraway gaze, gripping a knife by the blade, orders followed without question.

parallels : bucky barnes ( the winter soldier ) ; amon ( the legend of korra ) ; bruce wayne ( the batman )

BASIC INFO

FULL NAME: aleksei ilya markov

AGE: thirty-four

GENDER: cis male

PRONOUNS: he/him

ORIENTATION: bisexual, probably

LANGUAGE(S) SPOKEN: fluently — russian ( primary language ), french; conversationally fluent in almost all other languages

ACCENT: russian

LABEL: the cataclysmic; someone who is prone to disaster.

APPEARANCE & PERSONALITY

FACE CLAIM: sebastian stan

HEIGHT: six feet, one inch

HAIR COLOUR: dark brown

EYE COLOUR: icy blue

USUAL EXPRESSION: unfazed, maybe slightly bemused

POSITIVE TRAITS: self-sufficient, cunning, thoughtful, intelligent, strategic, skillful, self-disciplined, unfazed

NEGATIVE TRAITS: humorless, curt, guarded, jaded, brainwashed, stubborn, conflicted, struggling, traumatized

FAMILY

FATHER: duke ivan markov, deceased

MOTHER: duchess oksana markov

SIBLINGS: nikolai markov, older brother; viktor markov, younger brother

THINGS TO KNOW

aleksei remembers, in flashes, having a joyous childhood, full of gentle moments with his mother and rambunctious play with his brothers, but underneath that lies a disturbing and painful history at the hands of his father.

while his older brother took the brunt of the abuse, and his younger brother was moulded into a fierce fighter, the abuse aleksei suffered was largely psychological. his father saw his remarkable intelligence and knew he could be honed into a skilled advisor, possibly to the romanovs one day, and trained him how he saw fit -- which meant hours upon hours each day reading, writing, playing chess; his meals withheld until he won enough matches in a row. god forbid he lost -- that meant he would be berated and beaten until he understood what he'd done wrong.

aleksei, of course, knew that what was happening was terrible and wrong, but he longed for his father's approval anyways. when he performed well, his father would praise him, even reward him. sometimes he would even do it in front of his brothers and make an example out of aleksei, using him as a tool to berate his siblings. it was cruel, but somehow it was solidified in aleksei's brain that he needed to be perfect, and if that meant being pitted against his siblings, he would surpass them in every category just for a simple pat on the shoulder from his father.

aleksei, then, learned to survive the only way a child could conceive of: winning every time, getting every question right, following orders without question. he became his father's servant, essentially. he would even be cruel to his siblings himself, taunting them and berating them, as that was the only way he knew how to express love for a long, long time.

when his older brother started to shield him and his younger brother from the abuse, aleksei's mind started to change; he started to feel in his gut that the way his family functioned was terribly wrong. he became paralyzed, caught between two states of being; yearning for his father's approval but also feeling deeply guilty for his brothers' suffering, for their collective pain over the years and the part he may have played in it.

when his father passed, it ruptured something within aleksei, and he fell into a deep depression. while joyous moments were already few and far between in the markov household, aleksei went completely numb - he didn't know how to cope with the loss of the man he both idolized and despised with his entire being. he was relieved that his father was gone, and he didn't know what to do with that feeling.

only now is he beginning to make sense of what's happened over the course of his life. he essentially feels like his brain is split in two -- one side that is still deeply brainwashed by the way his father treated him, still mourning his death and convinced he was a great and noble man; and one side that is hateful and full of rage, wishing his father would resurrect so he could wring his neck himself and make him feel all the pain he'd caused aleksei and his siblings at once.

HEADCANONS

he has a long, thin scar running from his ear to just under his left eye, curving across his cheekbone. he "doesn't remember how he got it."

he has terrible, awful nightmares and wakes up screaming fairly often.

he actually doesn't remember much of the abuse he suffered, as it's all compartmentalized in his brain. most of the time all he can remember of his childhood is the good moments. when he starts to remember the truth, he becomes extremely agitated and fearful.

he's a very cold person. completely numb to the world. he doesn't really understand jokes and is deeply antisocial. however, as he starts to become his own person again and unlearn the deep conditioning his father had instilled in him, he will learn the following about himself:

he really enjoys reading, especially mystery novels. he loves a good puzzle. in fact, puzzles in general are quite fun.

he really likes cats, and is very fond of animals in general.

he likes music, and while he's unsure about dancing or singing or parties, he would happily go to the opera or to a musical performance by himself to enjoy the music.

he is deeply afraid of himself and what he's capable of. he treated his own siblings horribly while they were growing up and now that his beliefs about his father have splintered, he's horrified by his own actions and how deeply he believed he was doing the right thing by searching for his father's approval in that way.

despite their troubled past, aleksei is a markov through and through and would die for his siblings without question. that is one thing he knows for sure his father was right about - loyalty to one's family comes before all else.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

unlikely friends: someone who is gentle with him and can help him through this process of unlearning what his father has instilled in him from such a young age. someone who can help him discover himself and find out what he enjoys about the world.

enemies: aleksei is kind of a dick so it only makes sense.

love .... perhaps ??: hmmm hm hm ! who knows ! maybe someone will be able to chip away at that icy exterior and thaw him out ... although they're in for a lot of angst as he discovers more and more about how horrible his father truly was.

#francehq.intro #my sweet boy :( pls be nice to him #tw abuse

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ravioliet · 5 months ago

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@magical-dying-human replying in a reblog but okie!!!! :3

Olive's is an olive flycatcher because of her name of course, but my fun fact is that she was the one who started the whole thing because i remembered that they share a name and wanted to do something with it and now here we are!

Otto's bird is a cockatiel because they're very silly and friendly little guys and it felt fitting. he is also one of three parrots with the other two being Todd and Noisemaker which i think is silly

Oscar is a woodpecker finch because they're a species of bird that is known to make tools out of sticks! which i thought was cool because gadgets and stuff

Ms. O is a kookaburra because they can be VERY loud when they want to be

Olympia is an anna's hummingbird because hummingbird felt very fitting for her since they're colorful and energetic and shiny and stuff, she's specifically an anna's hummingbird because of her actress's name being Anna and also because they have a bright pink face and throat marking (which is called a gorget btw) and pink is kind of an Olympia color to me

Otis is a wood duck because. ducks. but the reason why wood duck in particular is because aren't really immediately recognizable as a traditional duck especially just by the wings. wood ducks are very colorful btw they're cool, but also this creates a contrast between him and the ducks he used to live with since they're white domestic ducks. also bonus fun fact his blue and brown feathers match with Ms. O and he has some iridescent green feathers that match with Olympia :)

Oona is a crow because they're also very silly animals actually, but on top of that they're also quite smart and also build and use tools!

Ocean is a puffin because they're a seabird and like. ocean. you get the joke here. also i just like them

Orchid is a secretary bird because they remind me of raptor dinosaurs!

Octavia is an american robin because they're cheerful little guys and it felt fitting for her

Oz is a potoo because they're crazy good at camouflage actually it's pretty cool

ok so minor disclaimer actually i haven't watched OSMU. i do think Orla is cool though and her being a ptarmigan was a discord suggestion actually! fun fact though they change color with the seasons from specked brown in the summer to solid white in the winter and a mixture of the two during spring and fall!

i don't think i need to explain Dr. O tbh, she and Olympia are in the hummingbird club together though. Oksana is also pretty self-explanatory

Obfusco is a flamingo because if i remember correctly he has a line that mentions them at some point? and also they're just kind of weird and funky birds honestly

Ohlm is a pigeon because everyone thinks they're stupid but studies have shown they're actually quite smart! fun fact they're better at multitasking than humans are. also because of Alan the singing pigeon from that one episode

Todd's bird assignment is one of my favorites actually because i think it fits him perfectly but kea parrots are colorful, very smart but also mischievous, and known to cause problems and chaos (such as stealing and destroying things etc) just for fun, and they're also very difficult to keep in captivity because if they don't have enough enrichment they'll get bored and start causing problems on purpose to entertain themselves which in the context of odd squad definitely sounds familiar

Jamie Jam is a strawberry finch because i thought it would be funny. strawberry jam if you will

Noisemaker is a cockatoo because they're very noisy birds that can mimic sounds! i think he can imitate musical instrument noises probably

and lastly Mister Lightning is a lightning bird because of the name and also because the real life ones look really goofy

might as well post this separately too but here's my whole list of bird assignments for the wings au! some of the reasons are more literal than others but they all have them, might elaborate on some of them later in a reblog or something because i really like talking about them :)

also i am taking suggestions for any characters who aren't on this list because i forget about a lot of them and also i really like picking out cool birds for them

#odd squad #wings au

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smellycinnamonthundahfudge · 3 years ago

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The Black Widow Essay

one of em anw, lol

i'm just gonna start with the very beginning of the film, cause start to finish, they put so much detail in and you can tell everyone really cared to make natasha's story as full & vibrant as they possibly could.

them showing how early on she liked dying her hair or was used to it, even as a child?

as well as such innocent sweet things as this scene

all possibly subtly hinting these girls’ physical capabilities and their dark upbringing or who they really are as spies???

just, how seemingly normal child like things could be subtle hints toward something darker??

but it was STILL something innocent and sweet nevertheless whether they were able to do that cause of their training??

LOVED THAT.

the fact that NAT HAD FRIENDS??? WHEN SHE WAS A KID???

so important to me...

(cause they didn't really need to add that,... but they did)

how the whole operatives pretending as fake families made perfect sense cause they do it all the time in spy movies…

and how yeah, if there were child spies, then they could be used for spy families,

but this was the first movie that DARED to talk about the complexity of it all…

of a fake family being the only family that you had.

I bring this up because I just fucking love it and it reminds me of what they did in wandavision

rushed holidays and birthdays and normal family occasions all in one, because that was all they could get…

the idea of fake empty families in both bw and wv and jac schaeffer being involved with both of em??? gods im in love hahahah

in other spy movies, it’s just so plot focused…

they’re disguised as this to get to this and blablabla

they don’t dare to talk that they were more than their mission

that they have interests hobbies hopes dreams AND LIVES, beyond their work

(say what you will about captain marvel, but I will repeat, it was the first to show women had lives interests hobbies dreams beyond the work that they had...)

i just... the spy families thing is always so plot-centric, but this one, the infiltration aspect had an emotional side to it since it meant that they could all get a reprieve from their normal horrific lives

that's what i ADORE from this film, when they do something, they always hit for the most emotional, most moving, compelling way it can be told or shown

because, all this time we’ve been told, she’s a child assassin, she’s a child spy, she started when she was young dadadaaa

in other movies, they probably could’ve explored this by showing the violence

what was done to her, to show the meaning of what they did to her…

but you know what I absofuckingtutely die for??

they showed the meaning of the violence through this

that BECAUSE of what was done to her…

she could do that

SHE COULD PROTECT SOMEONE ELSE FROM SUFFERING THE SAME FATE AS SHE DID

all, in the first FIFTEEN 15 FUCKING MINUTES…

I just love how the never endless mention of the child assassin thing

the heaviest meaning of that was so beautifully shown like this…

like, YEAH

THIS.

THIS IS WHAT BEING A FUCKING CHILD ASSASSIN MEANS.

SHE’LL STEAL YOUR GUN, SHOOT TO KILL

ALL TO PROTECT HER INNOCENT, YOUNGER, SISTER

oh wait, I also just love the action of the plane scene

it had so much stakes, I was genuinely panicked and fearing for all of them..

melina was shot, nat was flying the plane, yelena was a terrified baby, alexei was even hanging from the freaking wing…

it wasn’t just weightless action, random kicks and punches on screen…

it was a family fleeing for their lives.

I just wanted to commend the incredible stakes the creatives made sure to put into the film’s first action scene is all.

they could have phoned this in and just have hopper punch some dudes

but they WANTED you to root for this family

they WANTED you to feel scared for them, care about them.

THEY CARED.

the first action scene nat ever did, was to protect her sister…

they could have shown her take down some men following after them…

but they DECIDED for nat to show her full capabilities… when it would matter most.

THEY CARED.

AND… NO ONE, NOT NEARLY ENOUGH PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT IT.

you know what I love about the budapest reveal??

they could have just kept it at the clarifying what actually happened thing

and all of us in the audience can revel in the fact that

shooting it out with the hungarian guard and blowing up a building

was in nat’s eyes

just like a literal alien invasion of floating monsters descending from a portal in the sky

just… bask & appreciate the comedy of this guys…

nat’s so funny, I cant…

no okay, they could have just kept it at that…

but they decided to add WHAT HUMANITY THEY COULD IN THAT BACKSTORY.

and they had nat & clint play tic tac toe in the air vents they were hiding out on…

they didn’t have to do that, but they did…

and not enough people appreciate it enough.

people are already talking about how excellent and wonderful it was, the conversations and commentaries on choice are and I’m only here to say YES MORE OF THAT SHARE IT TO EVERYFREAKING ONE GODDAMN IT

in most marvel movies, the female character & the hero usually just either butt heads or the female just helps out the hero in whatever they need to do, they’re the infallible support structure that keeps the hero up

I think… this is why the dynamic between yelena and nat, hits so goddamn hard…

your pain makes you stronger

so much of this film talks about how their pain made them stronger, the best example of this I believe, is the scene in cuba

what I said about the child assassin repetition all concluding to that “I will kill you all, DON’T TOUCH HER” scene…

her pain was LITERALLY what enabled her to do that.

but I bring back the film’s crux line, cause it’s what I think truly separates and makes yelena and nat’s dynamic so much richer more complex and beautiful to me…

the pain of their past.

nat’s insistence of their time together in america not being real, and her dismissing everything in her past as a widow of the red room as horrible and just something she needed to get away from…

it reminds me of a scene from a show my family watches,

new amsterdam. in it, a woman, escapes a house of neglect and abuse. but she also left behind her younger sister in that household, and naturally, feels deeply guilty about it.

but, her therapist said to her, “you saved the only person that you could.”

and, … I can’t think of anything better to fit nat’s situation.

her dismissal of everything in her past as horrible was a fucking coping mechanism…

it made leaving everything behind, easier…

“it wasn’t real, so there isn’t anything to hold onto” nat herself says

she saved the only person she could… herself.

sigh…

most marvel movies usually just have its theme as “be who you were meant to be”

tony, thor, quill, & rocket learned selflessness

peter parker learned to appreciate what HE had, and not focus on what he was escaping from and to

steve figured out who he was in a new world

t’challa reckoned with the sins of the past

(scott’s just a dad)

carol learned to own her power and who she truly was

but nat??

yeah, sure, she could also fall under that theme.

but I just… I honestly believe the abuse, the pain she endured… makes her arc so much more meaningful and poignant…

because it wasn’t just the hero struggling, then the female side character reassuring them & giving them the strength they needed to be who they needed to be

it was her reckoning with what she did…

it was her shutting off yelena who cared about her, because she didn’t want to think about what she left behind

it was her, keeping her heart… when her mother could not.

how despite melina felt she was a rat in a cage

what SHE taught nat, was what kept nat alive…

the pain nat escaped, still found its way to her, in that because of that pain, she caused pain to the little happiness that she had in her past

she caused pain to yelena, because it was all she could associate to her past, which she NEEDED to escape

pain was inflicted on her, and she inflicted pain too

she also just casually stated her mother throwing her out like garbage

was I the only one who was utterly shaken by her statement??

to only then after say, she thought of her everyday even if she didn’t admit it to herself

(don’t even get me started on this search & importance of her past to her being fucking hinted in the place she died, vormir, where she learned her father’s name.

how even after she defeated dreykov… she still didn’t know it, til then…)

I just…

the creatives put so much effort into making nat’s story so full of heart, humanity, and meaning…

the humanity of tic tac toe over hiding out from an army

playing in the yard and colorful dyed hair hinting the dark upbringing

reckoning with what one did to survive…

black widow, is such a heartfelt humanely painful and beautiful film…

it isn’t just another spy movie

it isn’t just another marvel movie

they talked about abuse in it, guys…

they acknowledged it, unflinchingly

the good, the bad, all of it, the entire truth of it…

that alexei wasn’t allowed a chance to be forgiven for what he did

that he can wash himself clean, and that they give him their forgiveness, for HIS benefit…

that it was the very pain inflicted on them, that enabled them to take their abusers down

You think I can’t take a punch?

it was literally her pain threshold & strength that enabled her to break free from dreykov's control

her capability of severing the nerve borne from the training she endured

her pain was literally what made her stronger

they made sure to show that oksana and antonia wouldn’t be forgotten

they let the other widows do their part

and the ones the family saved, came back for them and saved them too

even antonia, as taskmaster, had someone who cared about her. the young widow who told her to smile, went to her when she was no longer controlled.

it was fighting for control, it was looking & focusing on what WAS there

just like how nat learned to accept that not all of her past was horrible,

I want to show you how this movie shows that not all of how nat was treated in the mcu was horrible

the thank you for your cooperation scene, yes

but, one parallel that I haven’t seen anyone bring up yet is this one…

nat did her job, and it’s how they took down hydra

nat did her job, and that’s how they took down the red room

because of nat’s intelligence, due diligence, they had the intel they needed to take down hydra

and to find and save the other widows…

because that’s precisely why I would die for this film…

they. care.

they remembered that small, for most people forgettable, thing that she did- BUT WAS ACTUALLY THE KEY TO THE WHOLE THING

AND MADE DAMN SURE TO SHOW & HIGHLIGHT ITS IMPORTANCE IN HER FILM.

(her copying the data needed to SAVE THE OTHER WIDOWS IN THE WHOLE WORLD WAS GIVEN THE FOCUS & ENERGY NEEDED TO HIGHLIGHT THAT SCENE'S SIGNIFICANCE CAUSE W/O THAT DATA, THOSE WOMEN WOULD BE LOST)

they KNEW that HER COPYING THAT INFO in the lemurian star in tws IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE is HOW NICK FIGURED OUT HYDRA’S PLAN

AND DECIDED TO FUCKING PARALLEL THAT TOO IN HER FILM CAUSE THEY KNEW THAT DESPITE HOW SMALL THAT SCENE WAS, IT WAS ACTUALLY THE KEY TO THE ENTIRE THING

they know the significance that nat’s story has, how it’s about abuse, and what it does to people

it makes them want to run away & dismiss everything that happened as purely horrible

sometimes, it makes them betray people (like melina & even to some extent, nat…)

they did all this in a marvel movie

the importance of choice, control, autonomy, of women’s lives, every aspect of it

the mundane, their intelligence, their pain, their relationships, their humor & happiness & love…

this was a marvel movie, starring women, produced by women, written (jac schaeffer, wv creator too), directed (cate shortland), and edited (leigh folsom) by women.

this was an excellent beautiful painfully heartfelt luminescent movie, from start to finish.

so much care compassion complexity & love, woven into the story

they cared about what nat DID manage to do in the mcu, not that she was forced into the sidelines

(though, honestly, I think that line about nat never letting herself be alone long enough to figure out what her story is was such an interesting & cool way of acknowledging it…)

nat never spoke much in the films, and they went with it, she’s not the inspiring speech type, she herself says

behind the scenes, they were making nat look as cool as possible with those poses

but in this film, they made it HER character trait

that SHEEEE, WANTS TO POSE LIKE THAT.

I just think that’s so funny… a cute character trait of her wanting to pose all the time and denying/not acknowledging it??

I think it’s a sweet & funnily humanizing trait of hers :’’’))

they made her funny like that, heh…

most mcu movies, they have arcs, they have great interesting moving stories…

I just think this film is chockfull of love over natasha romanoff, a hero, an avenger’s story…

they put so much in to give her as full of a life as they could… a complex, heartbreaking, painful, happy, tragic, loving, human life…

most mcu movies… they’re so plot focused. find this, follow that.

for me, this film wasn’t.

it was women getting their control back.

behind the screen, and on screen, it was women getting their control back…

after a decade and more of getting bits of meaningful crumbs here and there, the creatives of this film gathered all those up, and built a full complex life and story from it…

it dealt with something so real and tragic but also beautiful and full of love.

I don’t think most mcu movies did this.

and it’s why I wrote all of this.

give credit where it’s due.

black widow is the most heartbreakingly painful and beautiful film marvel’s ever made…

it was a full and concise and finished and complete story, start to finish, about the hero who’s earned it, the goddamned most.

acknowledge what they did with this film.

it’s what they, nat & the creatives, deserve.

acknowledge it.

they didn’t work this hard to give nat such a meaningful loving & complex life and family and story, only for it to be called lesser

than films who tackle their themes in much shorter times

and with themes that aren’t as rooted in reality

acknowledge what they did.

acknowledge it.

I’m not really that knowledgeable over what framing and lighting really means…

but I think those details mean something

how their life at ohio, playing in the yard was flickered with sunlight, and fireflies

how it turned to night when they were forced to flee and return to russia

how it was night when they first entered the red room

but then there’d be more and more light as nat had progressed with their plan, with beams of light, flashing through the window behind her

and then once the dust had settled, the sun was rising on them, the survivors.

but… the most poignant & meaningful of all these lighting shots that I found…

was nat’s endings,

when she said goodbye to her family…

it was almost like, she was saying goodbye to us too…

with daylight, shining all around behind her, as she walked away and whistled her goodbye

this happening with her goodbye to her family

and with her official final shot of her, heading into the horizon, to her destiny

saving the universe, and saving her family

they cared so much to give her these beautifully poetically luminescent images of her, guys…

my heart breaks as I don’t see anyone else acknowledging this…

so please… acknowledge it.

acknowledge, what they did.

acknowledge it.

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im-justso-bored · 5 years ago

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Week 5 of Clown Theories and Analysis

S03E05 - Are You From Pinner?

So this episode is definitely top three favorite for me. Jodie’s talent and performance continues to amaze me. Villanelle has really developed since season 1 and her development really peaked with this episode. Even her development throughout this episode was substantial which is what I will focus on in this post.

Who are you? - V stopping to look at pictures and picking up things through the house was a nice touch. You could really see how she was transported back to her childhood in Russia when she picked up certain items like the soda. And how she was piecing together what she could of the years she lost with her family in the photographs on the wall. I can imagine it must have pained her a bit to see her mother in the photos seeing as she hasn’t seen her mother or pictures of her in many years.

There’s a lot of initial shock here, mixed in with nostalgia. I think a big part of the shock we see here is due to how content her mother looks in the photos with people V doesn’t know. Given her history with her mother, V might have expected her mother to be on her own, maybe with her brother, Pyotr. I think the last thing she expected was to see her mother happy with a family. Especially since V sees her mother carrying the same darkness and V is, for the most part, alone. So she might have expected the same of her mother.

Whatever emotions she’s feeling though are soon buried and her behavior quickly becomes playful and coy when approached by the different members of the family until her mom comes home and she starts to panic.

She had to know that her mom would be there or at least, be there soon. So why panic? I think up until she heard the car in the driveway, she hadn’t really thought about the repercussions of going to see her family or what it would be like to see her mom again. I think once she heard her outside, the panic set in as it really dawned on her that she would really see her mother again. For a moment, she was transported back to her childhood and saw who her mother really was, and not the smiling wife and mother in the photographs on the wall.

Here, V is clearly shocked by her mother’s reaction to seeing her daughter alive but about halfway through the hug, V’s facial expression changes to show a little bit of anger? Also maybe disbelief at her mother’s behavior, maybe she doesn’t believe her reaction to be genuine, instead she sees it as part of her act. It seems that her mother never shows her true self when other people are around, I can imagine it was much the same when V was a child since her father never picked up on who her mother really was. So V probably thinks the same of this scene, that her mother is putting up an act since other people are around.

Many is a very loose term. - So the details about the orphanage explains the arson in her prison file, well one account of arson seeing as she did it twice. I wonder if the manslaughter of a minor had something to do with the orphanage or perhaps that’s what landed her in a juvenile detention center later in life.

You can tell that V’s mother really wasn’t bothered by the fact that V killed “many” people nor by the nonchalant response V gave her regarding that. This is one of the first hints we get about her mother’s darkness. You can also see that V isn’t bothered by the fact that she was dumped at the orphanage during this scene, they talk about it as if they’re having a normal conversation. Which adds depth to V saying “I didn’t mind that you took me there” at the end of the episode.

You can tell that V’s guard is still up around her mother but I think she lowers it a bit as curiosity takes over when going through the photos as she starts asking more questions trying to piece together the last several years.

“Why didn’t you leave him?” “Is that me?” “Where’s dad?”

It’s sad that V didn’t get to see a picture of her dad, you can tell she really cared about him.

Welcome home, Oksana. - You can tell that V is still feeling really out of place but she’s trying to fit in. I think a big part of that has to do with still getting over the initial shock of seeing her mother in a “new light” and getting used to the rest of the family. She seems to be really comfortable with Bor’ka and Pyotr though. I don’t think V really knew what to expect when she came to Russia but I think the last thing she expected was to play cards with her family and then break out into song. I think that’s when she realized that they’re all a bunch of misfits and that she actually might fit in more than she expected.

While rewatching, I found the scene where they were playing cards to be interesting. The step-brother (I forgot his name) was accusing V of being the “killer” but in actuality it was her mom, I thought that was an interesting parallel for the ending where V is saying that her and her mother are the same. It also made me wonder if her mother is actually a killer and if maybe she had something to do with her dad’s death. I don’t think they ever explained what happened to him. Correct me, if I’m wrong though!

Having a moment. - The relationship between Pyotr and V is really cute, you can tell that he really cares about her and missed her. And while V doesn’t show it much through her actions or her words, you can tell she cares too. Like when she’s telling him to get away from their mother and do what he wants to do. It also seems like he is the only one that V is most comfortable being herself around.

Also watching V eat in this scene with the way her teeth dragged against the fork made my teeth hurt.

She was different. - In the conversation with her step-father, you can see that V is trying to figure out if he knew the type of person her mother is. Through the conversation, she’s able to distinguish that the only things that her mother shared with him was how difficult a child Villanelle was and how things were so hard for her during that time making it seem like V only made it worse. Nothing about how her mother was basically the same type of difficult person that V is. Typical gaslighting.

You can see that V isn’t really surprised by it either. And then, right on cue, her mother comes out with tea and offers a gift to V. Throughout the episode, you see V’s mother being overly nice and emotional toward V who takes it with a grain of salt for most of the episode until the end, of course. I think V was genuinely surprised and happy to receive the gift from her mother, despite not fully believing the act she puts on.

The Harvest Festival - It was really refreshing to see V actually enjoy herself at the festival when playing all of the different games and then when her family cheered for her when she won first place. I think this is where she really felt like she found somewhere she belonged. I think when Bor’ka lost the competition for best pirozhki and her mother came up to talk to him, she began to think that maybe she had changed after all (until she finds out what she actually said later on).

Also can we talk about how V actually feels bad for him? We’ve seen V continue to sympathize with so many people this season and it still surprises me each time. S1 Villanelle would never haha if that’s not growth then idk what is. I really like how V seems to care about Bor’ka and bonds with him throughout the episode, especially during the dancing scene at the end of the festival when he starts hitting himself. You even see her trying to console him in her own way.

Here is when V realizes that her mother really hasn’t changed at all and she’s probably upset with herself for believing that she did even if it was just briefly. I really liked this scene, how it distorted and faded out with the song playing “I see darkness in you” and the whole mood just shifts and transitions to V in the kitchen.

I want to feel like one. - V asking her mom to clean her face for her was a vulnerable moment for her. Even the “please” she added after. How often do we hear V say please? V is often very childish and in this moment, she really need her mother to act like a mother but she didn’t. She was trying to connect with her mother in the only way she knew how. The last time she saw her, she was a child so V wanted to pick up where they left off only to be disappointed yet again. Throughout the episode, you see her mother putting up an act, pretending to be the nice mother that everyone sees, but when it’s just her and V while everyone is asleep, she shows her true self.

I am my mother’s daughter. - Another fantastic performance from Jodie! She never ceases to amaze me. This scene was the tipping point for V. Her mother’s response here is what would have made or broken her. V cared for her father a lot and having her mother constantly blaming V for “taking everything from her” and “controlling her father and taking him from her” took a toll on V. Especially since the whole time her mother was pointing her finger at her and never once acknowledging her role in everything.

The way V is literally kneeling in front of her (when have we ever seen her make herself smaller for anyone?) practically begging her mother to admit that she’s the same. She can barely keep herself together, it’s taking everything to keep it together. But her mother doesn’t relent, making V feel more alone and shittier than she did before. As soon as her mother tells her to leave again, you see V break her composure for a bit before making the decision to kill her. She even has to stop for a sec while saying it (”I think I need to kill you, mama”), because maybe she is even in disbelief by what she’s about to do, or perhaps hesitant to do it. But V probably thinks that the only way she would free herself of what she is feeling would be by killing her. Which, it doesn’t, of course. The damage was done and nothing could have made that better for her. It just left her all the more damaged.

On a side note, I like how even in the mental state that she was in, she still saved Bor’ka and left money for him to go live out his dream.

Crocodile Rock - That’s the name of the song V was listening to at the end of the episode, right?

So V is completely unhinged now. This trip to see her family left her more broken and hurt than she was before. She’s lost all her composure as you can see through the constant moving and jittering, trying to focus on the music but her emotions are spilling out of her, making that impossible. At some points, she’s almost smiling while there are tears in her eyes. Wearing the clothes her mother made for her, just adds to the broken mental state she’s in here. She’s desperately trying to keep her composure but she opened the floodgates and there’s no containing the emotions anymore. There’s no going back or doing things differently. This will definitely have lasting effects on V throughout the rest of the season.

OVERALL - Amazing episode! I really really enjoyed it. Jodie did a phenomenal job as always. The writing for this episode was also really great, shoutout to Suzanne Heathcote. I know some people are saying that the plot didn’t really progress here but I think this episode is really going to drive Villanelle through the last three episode of this season. It’s going to have a huge impact on her and I think we’ll definitely be seeing that sooner rather than later.

#Killing Eve #Killing Eve spoilers #Killing Eve season 3 #Killing Eve season 3 spoilers #Killing Eve s3e05 #Jodie Comer #Villanelle #Oksana #Oksana Astankova

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boydykedevo · 2 years ago

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amber has... three? maybe four? (maybe more idk at least 3 or 4) tattoos in my headcanon and theres def a Guy in the cloaca she could introduce him to when he tells her he wants one. also he is kinda a wimp about how much it hurts

devo getting a tattoo.... rotating this in my mind

#this is like a exmo thing. i want a tattoo i wanna sully my body w a tattoo when i move out <3 #ALSO amber's tattoos list: anchor on her bicep. blinkshark on her rib. ol joshy logo on her chest.#(all the graduates of his school got that one)#also i vaguely remember coming up w a hc about her having like an ex's name on her thigh??#and it's very poorly covered up #it's oksana's name i think. that fits.#taz #icarus is talking

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barbicha-imaginaria · 5 years ago

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The cycle of Villanelle: an essay

In this essay, I will delve into Villanelle’s mental state and study the cyclical patterns of behavior that she seems to exhibit in relation to the emotional attachments she forms. All information taken from the show will focus on Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s version of Killing Eve (the first season), to maintain coherence. I will also consider events in Villanelle’s past that are uncovered in later seasons, as it has been stated several times that PWB already had Villanelle’s backstory defined and so it is likely that she contributed her vision to the events of, for example, S03E05.

“I know you’re a psychopath” - definition of psychopathy

First of all, a disclaimer: mental disorders are not neatly compartmentalized things, where someone is diagnosed when they fit every single criterium. These disorders manifest differently in each person, and often combine (for example, there are several disorders that increase the likelihood of developing anxiety) to form a set of symptoms that will resemble the “ideal” profile of a disorder but usually deviate in one way or another. This is why a diagnosis typically occurs when at least a certain number of the total symptoms is present, rather than only when they all occur. This is not a deviation from how the disorder manifests, but rather one of the many ways in which it can manifest.

This is particularly evident in the case of personality disorders, characterized by enduring maladaptive patterns of behavior, cognition, and inner experience, exhibited across many contexts and deviating from those accepted by the individual's culture. You will notice that there is a large internal component to this, a necessary internal logic, coherent to the individual but not consistent with social norms, which will of course be very difficult to define objectively by an external observer.

Psychopathy, which would be such a personality disorder, is not an actual diagnosis sanctioned by any psychiatric or psychological organization. In the DSM, we have its counterpart in antisocial personality disorder (ASPD), whose criteria for diagnosis focus more on behaviors than personality traits, as the former are easier to identify objectively. ASPD is characterized by a long-term pattern of disregard for, or violation of, the rights of others, a low moral sense or conscience, as well as a history of crime, legal problems, or impulsive and aggressive behavior. It seems pretty clear that Villanelle would perfectly fit this profile.

As psychopathy isn’t an actual diagnosis, we find that its definition is subjective and in fact, there are several different tests, checklists and definitions for it. One particularly interesting definition in this case is the separation of primary and secondary psychopaths. Taken directly from Wikipedia, and based on the paper [Vaughn, M. G., Edens, J. F., Howard, M. O., & Smith, S. T. (2009). An Investigation of Primary and Secondary Psychopathy in a Statewide Sample of Incarcerated Youth. Youth Violence and Juvenile Justice, 7(3), 172–188]

The subtype known as "primary" psychopathy refers to individuals who are completely rational, lack anxiety and have high levels of interpersonal charm. Whilst these behaviours appear incredibly adaptive, primary psychopaths are also prone to dysfunctional and pathological traits such as an inability to learn from past mistakes and a lack of responsibility

"Secondary" psychopaths are individuals not dissimilar to primary psychopaths in the sense that they still share many of the same characteristics and traits. However, unlike the primary psychopath, the secondary psychopath is more likely to suffer from intense emotional arousal and psychological issues. As well as this, research conducted on adult psychopaths has suggested that secondary psychopaths are more prone participate in drug abuse, suicide and interpersonal aggression. Overall, what differentiates secondary psychopaths from primary psychopaths is their destructive behaviour as well an increased reactivity and impulsivity and an inability to control their emotions effectively.

Recalling that Villanelle is a fictional character and we can assume a certain leeway to her characterization in the name of entertainment, as well as the vague nature of all psychopathy diagnoses that has been established, we can arrive at a tentative description: Villanelle is mainly a primary psychopath, with diminished emotional reactions and a comfortable, stable personality, but a secondary psychopath pattern of behavior can be triggered by specific conditions. These triggers are studied in the next section.

“I know something happened to you” - timeline of Oksana / Villanelle

Based on the information given to us over the course of the show (under the conditions mentioned in the introduction above), we can establish a timeline for Oksana’s (and later, Villanelle’s) life.

1) Early childhood

Spent with parents and brother. Clearly already exhibited traits of psychopathy, as evidenced several times in S03E05.

Tatiana (mother): “The orphanage phone me and say… you burn place down.”

Oksana: “Why didn’t you leave [Pyotr at the orphanage]? All he did was cry.”

Pyotr (brother): “Look, Oksana. You punching me in face.”

Showed no affection for her mother or brother, but seemed attached to her father.

P: “What was he like?” O: “Funny. Strong. Taught me how to fight. He was much better.” P: “Than what?” O: “She was mean.” P: “You were mean.” O: “You were annoying.”

Villanelle believes she had a good relationship with her father, but her mother saw it differently.

T: “You took everything from me. You took him. You could control him. He would do anything for you because you had a darkness! (...) He thought you would do something to us.”

O: “You are the darkness. You have always been the darkness. He wasn't scared of me. He was sick of you.”

Seems to have been left in an orphanage by her mother after her father left the family in some way. Her brother believes that he died, but it is never mentioned how. In S01E07, Anna mentions that “Her mother was dead. Her father was a drunk”, which suggests he never died but rather became an alcoholic and left the family, but in S02E08, Villanelle says that her family "are all dead". In the orphanage, she was later told the rest of her family died.

2) Adolescence

Spent the next years getting into trouble with the authorities. Arrest sheet (seen in S01E05) shows that she was in a juvenile delinquents centre, 2001-2006 (ages 8-13). After this, she entered the school where Anna taught. Their history is revealed mainly in S01E07 and S01E08

Anna: “We were told a new student was coming. History of violence. Antisocial behavior. (...) She arrived at the school and… everyone stepped back. Everyone. So I stepped forward. Extra time. Extra lessons. Extra love.”

Oksana exhibited typical manipulative behavior in getting more and more attention from Anna, moving on to demanding time alone with her and becoming jealous of her husband, who was seen as a rival for Anna’s affection.

Eve: “This... isn't "a few" letters, Anna. This is…” Anna: “She had a... fixation.”

A: “Well, then she wanted more lessons after school. She was good at making you feel bad, so she was here a lot. And it was clear that she didn't like Max, but I thought it was because she didn't trust men.”

A: “No, but she sent me gifts. Clothes, perfume. She must have stolen them. Expensive French designers.”

Anna presents this as one-sided fixation in her conversation with Eve in S01E07.

A: “He said he was aware of my relationship with Oksana - she had been spinning lies again.”

E: “Did you ever have sex with Oksana?” A: “No!”

However, in her confrontation with Villanelle in S01E08 it becomes clear that the feelings were reciprocated in some way.

Villanelle: “The best sex we ever had was on that chair.”

Irina: “Did you two use to go out?” V&A: “She seduced me.”

Eventually, Oksana removed the obstacle in their relationship, Anna’s husband, by castrating and killing him. She expected this to be taken well, but it naturally led Anna to turn on her and she was arrested.

Anna: “There were balloons everywhere and a huge cake, and she was jumping around and... then she showed me what she had done. And she said it like it was a good thing. I went mad. I told her she was evil and crazy and... and then she was picked up by the police... and arrested.”

3) Rebirth as Villanelle

After 3 years in jail, Oksana was recruited by Konstantin to work for the Twelve (revealed by Nadia in S01E06). The organization faked her death and she moved to Paris to work as the assassin Villanelle. Konstantin became her handler, the only person with whom she had a continued relationship. This seems to have created a sort of attachment that differs from the usual fixation by being much less intense, becoming rather the psychopath’s version of a friendship.

In the course of her work, Villanelle met Eve. At first, her obsession with her seems caused by transference: her hair, very similar to Anna’s, caused the woman to fixate, as seen in S01E02.

Jerome: “So, Villanelle... [in Russian] Do you still have dreams about Anna?” Villanelle: (distressed) “That’s not Anna.”

As Eve is revealed to be in charge of the task force devoted to finding her, Villanelle became more interested, and over the course of Season 1, Eve’s actions further fueled her fixation. Eve clearly admired her, wanted to become closer to her and was able to surprise and challenge her. This both fed her ego and maintained her interest.

The season comes to a close with their confrontation in Villanelle’s Paris apartment. When Villanelle was certain that she had drawn in Eve, as she did with previous fixations, she was instead stabbed in the stomach. In a rage, she fired her gun at Eve then ran away.

“I think about you too” - Villanelle and emotional attachment

Circling back to the first section, where we established that there are certain triggers that lead Villanelle to a more emotional and unstable psychopathic profile, the timeline of the previous section seems to establish quite clearly that these triggers are the rare emotional attachments she forms: to her father, to Anna and then to Eve. These attachments take the form of a deep and obsessive fixation, which is still marked by lack of remorse or empathy, but which causes her to feel emotions deeply.

Either because the emotions are indeed felt to an extreme, or because she is simply not experienced with emotions and thus is easily overwhelmed, anything she feels due to these attachments is felt too intensely too ignore or process healthily, and in this way, she comes closer to the behavior of an extreme narcissist, in that she considers herself and her feelings as the most important thing at all times. This can also lead to a feeling of insecurity in the relationship, or like she isn't getting what she deserves, a fair treatment. Because she still lacks empathy and remorse, she will lack intrinsic motivation to make her attachment happy, and will only try to do so when not distracted by her own wants and desires in the relationship. She will also usually act from her own perspective, rather than try to think of what the other would want.

Actions which a neurotypical individual clearly sees as wrong and to be avoidable, on one level because it would hurt their partner, and on another because it is simply not ethical, seem perfectly fine to her if motivated by her own internal logic. For example, hurting the members of the family that she doesn’t care about or forcing them away so that they won’t compete for her father’s attention, stealing expensive clothing to offer it as a gift, killing Anna’s husband or Eve’s partner Bill. Not only is she not bothered by guilt or remorse over it, she most likely sees nothing wrong with it in the first place: if she is as important to her attachments as they are to her, they won’t have a problem with her actions, as they only serve to deepen their bond. If her attachments react negatively, due to concern for other people, she will be hurt and betrayed, and feel that her deep feelings are not returned.

In this way, Villanelle is indeed capable of feelings, and of being hurt and even crying, but she will most likely never make a healthy partner, and will have no problem engaging in toxic and manipulative behaviors if they are in line with her goals.

“I really liked you” - the cycle of Villanelle

Now looking back on her past relationships with her father and Anna, we find a common evolution in all of them: Villanelle develops an interest, which is returned. Her obsessive attachment grows, which puts a strain on the relationship. She is possessive, needs all her gestures of affection to be appreciated and returned. At some point she crosses a line which pushes the other away, and on both cases this leads to her being forcefully separated from them.

This creates in her mind a narrative that the people she loves disappoint or betray her, so that every time she opens her heart, it leads to heartbreak. Add to that the fact that she gets no closure (or, more likely, revenge) and you get someone who is very volatile around love, liable to explode at any rejection, but also insecure from past experiences and thus more likely to see something as rejection.

Part of Oksana's rebirth as Villanelle, which marked her escape from her troubled past and transition to a life where she is in control and wants for nothing, was to bury the part of herself that “fell in love”. Oksana was fragile and Villanelle is not, and this is one of the ways in which Villanelle wants to manifest that. In the terms we use in this essay, she wants to fully become a primary psychopath, finding refuge in the stability of that unemotional mindspace.

Unfortunately for Villanelle, she does not actually have control over which facet of her psychopathy manifests. Thus, when her attachment to Anna (never resolved, as mentioned above) transfers to Eve and is then reinforced through several interactions and encounters, Villanelle doesn't really seem capable of or interested in resisting. Rather, due to Eve's particularly reckless behavior, she is more encouraged than ever before, and will easily be given to believe that Eve will be "different" - a belief that the audience is more and more likely to share as the season progresses and especially towards the end of S01E08.

The end of Season 1 completes the cycle of Villanelle's emotional connections by having Eve do the same as her past attachments: betray her. As they come to a moment of intimacy, where Villanelle has let her guard down, Eve stabs her. The shock of the rejection is compounded with past experience and trauma to create an instant and intense feeling of betrayal that does not allow for any form of reasoning or further processing. Thus, it makes perfect sense that Villanelle would then revolt against her, try to shoot her, and finally run away, regardless of the fact that Eve immediately regrets her actions and tries to help her.

“I want to kill her” - the aftermath

The case of Eve has one crucial difference from those of Villanelle’s father and of Anna. As mentioned in the previous section, in both cases, Villanelle’s attachment was forcefully ended and she was immediately removed from the situation. She has never been able to avenge herself of the wrongdoing she suffered, or come to terms with the situation in any way. She claims to move on, and later on seems perfectly capable of killing Anna, saying that she no longer loves her, but it is more likely that she has simply internalized both rejections rather than processed them.

In this case, breaking the pattern, she has not been taken from Eve and Eve has not been taken from her. She can get her closure as soon as she is recovered. This would be a way to step away from her cycle of emotional attachment and possibly set free some hangup in Villanelle's mind that has lingered since her childhood, and so it is very probable that Villanelle herself would latch on to the idea. In addition to the desire for revenge naturally originating from Eve’s betrayal, which would most likely be enough to make her fixate on returning to Eve, there would also be the desire for recovery, fueled by the belief that she can become a better version of herself (more Villanelle-like, less Oksana-like) by going through the ritual of closure, not only from Eve, but from all past rejections.

This leads us to the final conclusion of this essay. At the end of Season 1, we are at the final and lowest point of Villanelle’s cycle, and through analysis of the character of Villanelle, find a strong prediction for how she would behave in the aftermath: to seek revenge as soon as possible, almost as a fixation, due to past trauma on the subject. The way in which this revenge is sought would define Villanelle’s trajectory for the rest of her life, determining in one way or another the end to the pattern of behavior and experiences that has marked her first 25 years.

In this way, the narrative followed in Season 2 becomes unsatisfying in two ways: its beginning and its end.

The beginning: Villanelle does not desire revenge, but instead believes that Eve hurt her because she loves her. This deviates from a pattern of 25 years for no evident reason, and thus seems to hinge on a lack of internal consistency of the character of Villanelle. However, we have established that even someone with a personality disorder will show this consistency, although in a way that isn’t compatible with the outside world. Psychopaths are not erratic, and would not change their minds on something as fundamental to their development, and a belief so emotionally charged, unless they were significantly challenged.

The end: As the season progresses, Eve and Villanelle are pulled tighter and tighter together, until the explosive finale, when Villanelle opens up in a moment of vulnerability and Eve rejects her. Then, she does seek revenge as soon as possible, by shooting Eve. You will notice that, thematically, this is the exact same progression as the end of Season 1. Inevitably, the viewer is left with the feeling that the showrunner simply ran the plot line of Season 2 through a loop to finish the season at the same point as it started, in order to avoid having to deal with the fallout of such a confrontation.

#killing eve #villanelle #eve #eve polastri #oksana #oksana astankova #phoebe waller bridge #essay #anna #konstantin #this is also a dunk on S2 but like only at the end

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twoflipstwotwists · 5 years ago

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Oksana Chusovitina stayed in gymnastics partly for her little boy, so it seems fitting that her son Alisher, now 20, is the one who has finally convinced her to step back.

Chusovitina, 44, is the doyenne of world gymnastics, a woman whose longevity has surpassed expectations, confounded statistics and delighted a legion of adult gymnasts. At her eighth Olympic Games this summer, Chusovitina will break her own record for most Olympics attended by a single gymnast. That she’s done it in an era where the sport has gotten progressively harder and globally more competitive only adds to her legend.

After three decades, five national teams and some tens of thousands of vaults, the end of the odyssey is in sight. Chusovitina has let it be known that Tokyo will be her final Olympics, though she has said the same before at past Games and then casually shown up at the next World Cup event. Others have focused on her age, on the fact that she’ll be the oldest gymnast in 100 years to walk the floor in Tokyo; Chusovitina herself generally shies away from such things, preferring to let her skills speak for themselves.

To Agence France Presse this week, however, she conceded that Alisher’s influence, namely his concern that she could injure herself, proved the deciding factor in the retirement that she always put off. “He worries about me a lot, that I might get a bad injury or fall,” Chusovitina said. She stayed in for the sake of her son; for his sake she will finally bow out.

It was for Alisher that Chusovitina continued at an age when most international competitors conclude their careers. When her then-two-year-old was diagnosed with leukemia in 2002, Chusovitina was 27, already ancient by elite gymnastics standards, and representing Uzbekistan, in whose ancient city Bukhara she was born in 1975. As one of the few mothers to return to high level international competition, Chusovitina was already an anomaly; the situation she found herself in made her even more so.

The lack of medical treatment available for Alisher’s illness in Uzbekistan pushed Chusovitina and her husband, Olympic wrestler Bakhodir Kurbanov, to look abroad for solutions. A friend connected them with a hospital in Germany, which agreed to treat Alisher for free.

The hand of fate so generously extended by the Germans floored Chusovitina, who could only express her gratitude in gymnastics. Instead of retiring, she took German nationality and repped the country at the 2008 and 2012 Games, offering Olympic silver in place of euros. Won on vault in Beijing in 2008, it was unified Germany’s first Olympic medal in women’s gymnastics since 1936, but the real prize was bestowed after the Games, when upon her return to Koln Alisher’s doctors announced that he was cured. “I think, as a mother, that is news you cannot compare any medal to,” she said.

Why retire when there was no need, especially when Chusovitina’s capability on vault, has kept her competitive? Rather than fading away quietly, she is as luminous as ever. For Tokyo, she has indicated that she may compete the uber difficult Produnova vault, something only three women (including her) have attempted at the Olympic Games. One day she will indeed retire — but she will not go quietly.

#oksana chusovitina

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jerepars · 4 years ago

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Throwing Copper Extended Chapter Notes

2 / 5 The Queen of Lower Chelsea

Hyperlinks appear in blue (underlined on mobile). The story is posted here. Direct link to this chapter is here.

“You should think about getting the hell out of Dodge,” James said boldly. “What was it you said that night, before Devon called you for dinner at the winery? You wanted to get big enough so no one could hurt you. Don’t you think you’re well past that now? Do you really need every last little light in New York City? You should go with George, to whatever island he found in the Caribbean.”

Well, let’s get right to it, I guess. This chapter is named after “The Queen of Lower Chelsea” by The Gaslight Anthem. One way or another I was going to find a way to get a reference to this because there’s mention of a queen, New Orleans, and New York in the lyrics. James’ dialogue here borrows from the line: American girls, they want the whole world, they want every last little light in New York City.

“How did we get here?” she wondered. “With you being the one trying to pull me back from the ledge and asking where my respectable convictions went?“

The opening lyrics to The Get Up Kids’ “Holiday” are questions: What became of everyone I used to know? Where did our respectable convictions go?

I am of the opinion that the album this song is from, Something to Write Home About, is perfect from beginning to end. Any time I can refer to it, I do. Sometimes I have a bunch of random dialogue in mind before I start writing a chapter and I knew right away Teresa was going to say this. I think it’s fitting. I’d like for Teresa to have self awareness and recognition of what she’s gotten away from, whether that be good or bad.

It didn’t seem like it’d been so long ago when she was voicing her distaste and disapproval for the way James lived, for the things he’d had to do, so deeply ingrained in a world of criminal activity that was new to her. Teresa remembered how hollow his voice had been when he’d said that’s the wrong answer after he’d asked her what they should do about Lopez’s guy who tried to short them on payment and she’d said, with worry, to let him go. It was only the second time she’d worked with James, and she’d been naïve then. She’d been naïve still, months later when she told James he was a good person and that’s not who you are about cartel operations that ended with casualties—though she believed she was right about those things. But as she moved up, and in her quest for expansion, she’d burned bridges and done wrong, setting aside her inconvenient convictions. Teresa always told herself it was for survival, for the good of everyone around her. But there was a seduction to vengeance, and sometimes it was without guilt that the flames licked at her face and she chose wrath.

To look back at 1x03, it can really be seen how both James and Teresa have changed over time working with each other. First of all, the way he says “that’s the wrong answer” (0:56) is...somehow really appealing. Lol. And then you look at their body language and facial expressions throughout this scene, so different from the way they are as the series progresses.

To me, it seems they go through a role reversal of sorts, over time, because James gets softer and Teresa goes scorched earth.

“When I was summoned to Bolivia by El Santo, Pote gave me that card with the psalm on it. It was important to him, symbolic, because if I had it on me, it meant I’d be protected, and I’d be back,” Teresa explained. “So give me something. Something that matters. I’ll give it back.”

James was glad Teresa had that fire in her, that determination to get through anything. He was glad, too, that she could acknowledge she might be about to walk into the belly of the beast. But the cynic that he was, James thought they had a narrow shot at playing the meeting right without everything blowing up in their faces, and he didn’t think symbolism was going to change the outcome.

“Superstition isn’t going to save your life, Teresa,” James said.

This section indirectly calls back to “Throwing Copper” by Touché Amoré, the song the story is named after. It’s the last bit of the song: But if superstitions can give someone faith, then I’m throwing my wallet and begging for change.

James’ constant observation of flickering light in Teresa’s eyes can’t be the only call back to the title, right?

One of the first things James ever said to her was I’m not religious, whoever they stole this car from is after Teresa made a snide comment about the rosary hanging from the rearview mirror, as he’d raced against time to the airport. She remembered everything about her early interactions with James. She remembered his longer hair that was a little too perfectly messy—tousled. She remembered he spoke to her coldly and never smiled, even though his eyes were warm. She remembered when he’d covered for her, something he’d decided to do of his own volition, more than once, and how it helped her understand who he really was. She remembered seeing the chain against the skin of his neck, the necklace usually tucked under his shirt. She hadn’t seen the pendant until the night when Eric’s men followed them to the cemetery to retrieve Camila’s reserve money, and Charger had to pull a bullet out of James’ shoulder after the car they were in was shot up.

One of my first ideas for this story was Teresa asking for something valuable, to be returned, to “protect” her and make sure she was going to get out of the meeting okay. So I went back to something from the first season, something that the show’s wardrobe department has probably long forgotten about or lost in a box.

James’ necklace is actually visible in the very first shot he’s in ever, in 1x02, around 6:30 of the episode. It’s not tucked into his shirt. But then, in later scenes, still in the warehouse, it...disappears. He’s still wearing it though, because you can see the chain a little bit (2:29) while he’s waiting to go through the metal detector at the airport.

It’s visible again in 1x07, when he’s all bloody and has to get the bullet removed from his shoulder (0:20), and in 1x11 when he’s talking to Camila on the phone in the trailer (0:29).

And then we never see it again! It’s just absent in every other season. I don’t know why this bothers me so much, but it does. I guess I consider the accessories that characters have to be part of the world building and continuity.

So I wrote it in, gave it a backstory, gave it purpose. Yes, this is really the kind of thing that goes through my mind.

“Yes.” Teresa nodded. “Nothing comes cheap. Not even me.“

In this whole back and forth between Teresa and Devon, I like that it starts with him saying she doesn’t have a bargaining chip but she manages to turn it around on him. I imagine that canon Teresa would be able to do the same thing, too (after all, she makes the smart move to send Lil’ T to his mother in 3x05).

Anyway, this piece of dialogue is inspired by the bridge in “The Queen of Lower Chelsea”:

Well they say these days Nothing comes cheap And everything has a price Everyone has a price Nothing is free Not even me

In 2x01, Teresa says “everything in life has a price” when she and James are at Rolando’s memorial (a moment that’s also mentioned in the chapter) as she’d devastated about Brenda. Earlier in the chapter, regarding Oksana’s death, it’s mentioned that everything has a cost. So it’s all connected.

After a while, James closed the distance and touched her face. Teresa held her breath when he wiped under her eyes with the pad of his thumb. Then he held her jaw, his fingers at the back of her neck.

”You’re gonna be fine,” James said.

There’s this moment in 1x08, when James is talking to one of the hotel maids (0:56) for information. And she’s freaking out because the cartel is in her house. James wipes at her tears with his thumb. I find it to be a confusing moment because it’s like...is he doing it to calm her down? Is he doing it threateningly (the whole scene is pretty threatening anyway)?

But me, I’m like, yo, when do we get to see him do that to Teresa?

She was apologizing not only for pressing on his wound but for everything, preemptively, for the tough spots she put him in and for what she’d done that he didn’t know about yet. She really did know how to do a number on him, she thought, inflicting pain like a flame that burned him to let him know they were both still alive.

The last line is a reference to Bayside’s “Duality”: you’re the flame that burns me so I know that I’m still alive.

#je repars notes

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chestnutelm122 · 5 years ago

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Killing Eve: About the latest filming shots at the train station

Here I am again with another explanation regarding the recent filming shots/videos of Villanelle, Eve and Konstantin in a train station. YES, THEY ARE ALSO IN THE BOOK, and unless they’re just messing with us, I suggest y’all start reading the books now.

So what do all those filming shots mean? Simply put, a female sharp shooter of The Twelve named Lara Farmanyants (aka Villanelle’s girlfriend who knew her as Oksana—as in the book version of Nadia) was tasked to kill Eve, and she tried so by shooting her at the back of her head.

But the bullet missed her and the man with the kittens got shot instead.

Why does the Twelve want Eve dead?

After that incident, Eve was taken, bags over her head and all, to “safety” by Richard (aka Carolyn in the series). She spent in a cell somewhere for a few days, thinking that she was to be executed, only to be told that they have to do that for her own safety. After a brief conversation as to why Lara tried to kill her, they then sent Eve home under a different name. That’s when Anton asked Villanelle to go after Eve and finish her off what Lara couldn’t.

So everyone who are saying that Villanelle is the one trying to kill Konstantin in that filming shots, I think that’s wrong. Because unless Villanelle make things very personal and she really started going after him in the 3rd season, there’s just no way she’d shoot him. Besides, Villanelle moves on from something faster than you can say Villanelle, so... *shrugs*

I’d rather believe that Konstantin finds out about the hit on Eve and he went to find Villanelle and/or Eve to warn them about it, saving Eve in the process.

This perfectly fits with my previous post about my explanation of their Love is Worth the Wait post. It just fits.

Now the question is, who tried to kill Eve and, if what the reports say is true that someone dear to them is going to die, does that mean that we’re going to see Konstantin die, for real this time?

I guess we’ll find out in April since filming has wrapped.

#villanelle #eve polastri #ke #killing eve no tomorrow #killing eve book #killing eve theories #killing eve #killing eve spoilers #killing eve season 3 spoilers #killing eve season 3 #oksana #oksana vorontsova #oksana astankova #it all fits #villanelle x konstantin #konstantin #villaneve #i just wanna see irina again #read the book

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gossipcom · 5 years ago

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Player’s Own Voice - Tessa Virtue (Transcript - please credit)

She’s half of Canada’s greatest ice-dancing duo, the most decorated figure skaters in Olympic history, and now Tessa Virtue has sashayed from amateur glory to a dazzling professional career. When she and Scotty Moir and the cream of figure skating aren’t performing to packed houses, Tessa has advocacy work, and endorsements and campaign partnerships, almost too many to name. She is simply everywhere. Put on the earbuds it’s time for a cozy chat with the one and only Tessa Virtue.

AB: It’s Player’s Voice I’m Anastasia Bucsis. Are you more athletic or artistic? Because it seems like incredible success in figure skating but you also have this other side, fashion, media, everything, like where does your passion lie now?

TV: Hmm. I think it is still in the balance between the two and that’s what I always loved about skating, you know, it was so technically demanding, um, and yet the artistry and the art that accompanied that, um, allowing people and hopefully connecting with people so that they feel something was always a driving force for both Scott and me. And now I think the balance is more about, you know, business and art, um, which is not so different really, but I’m learning so much, it’s been a steep learning curve. In fact I’ve been studying a little bit and I hope to pursue that a little more next year but I’m sort of learning on the fly and I get as much joy as negotiating a contract as I do, um, designing a new pair of eyewear for Bonlook, you know, I think it is all sort of that marriage between the two and I feel so lucky that I get to do both.

AB: I love the artistry and athleticism of figure skating. I said that to Jo(annie) Rochette (Tessa laughs), she was on the podcast and she was like ‘what I didn’t know you were such a figure skating fan’ and I that is what I love about FS it is so physically demanding but so artistic. I remember watching Oksana Baiul win in 1994, I want to be a figure skater but my parents didn’t allow me to do it they knew I was going to be too tall.

TV: Well, and in your world you had to do the same motion as in our league(?).

AB: Yeah but it’s not very artistic.

TV: So did you find an outlet to find, to, to sort of feed that creative part of your soul?

AB: Yes and talking about the balance and getting pleasure out of having a business deal or creating glasses, I have a little stigmatism so I might need some of those glasses.

TV: (laughs) get in there right.

AB: How do you d that now going from preparing for the Olympics to seemingly a million projects?

TV: it’s strange and no matter how prepared you are I don’t think you can fully anticipate the feelings and emotions that come with a post-Olympic sort of crash or transition if you will. I mean I ticked all the boxes. I had school, I had a great support network, I had success, that we, you know, we stepped away from competition whether temporarily or permanently (laughs) on our own terms. I mean I was so, so fortunate and privileged to be in that position but also I had opportunities and yet still there’s that inherent, just void, I think when you, when, you know, when you’ve worked for something with (sigh) singular focus and you invest everything, every moment of your day is filled with ruins of will this help me win the Olympics. Um, and then, and then you are sort of thrust into this world where you are trying to do one different things and maybe not that well (laughs) and then there’s, um, ah, no chance, to sort of insulate yourself in that protected bubble in order to pursue a dream. Ah, there are a lot of shifts and challenges in the last year, but also, really surprising highlights because it’s also refreshing and liberating to, to sort of feel that pressure come off and slowly and I can almost feel it tangibly as the days go by, that I am feeling less and less of that stress and I didn’t realise what a heavy weight that was to carry, um, that Olympic, you know, pressure.

AB: Olympic pressure, fame, how lonely is that?

TV: It can be isolating, it can be, um. I feel so lucky because, you know, people ask what changes when you win the Olympics, are you a different, you know, what changes in your life do you feel different? The reality is nothing really does so I have a great group of friends, um, my family has always been really supportive and I mean I am so sort of caught up in work that there aren’t many opportunities to even face that. In fact, I think when I am on my own I kind of embrace it. It can be isolating because sometimes I feel caught, in this, balancing act of, of wanting to be vulnerable and honest and then also not wanting to sound ungrateful or complain right and um, as a private person also just managing how much of yourself do you give to others and how much do you keep for yourself and wanting to share my story and have some kind of impact on others specifically young girls and athletes. You know you have to put yourself out there a little bit and that sort of comes with the territory.

AB: And that is exhausting too. I mean when I was struggling with my mental health that was, really you just summarised it. I am skating around in a circle for a living, I am making good money and I get to see the world and all my college is paid for, you know, what do I have to complain about? So, I completely identify when you say you know, I don’t wan, I don’t want to come across as ungrateful because you have had a lot of opportunities.

TV: What as the impetus for you to come out and speak openly about your mental health?

AB: I never want anyone to feel like they’re alone and I don’t want anyone to feel that way because I felt so incredibly alone. I felt that when I was in the closet too, really struggling and I think vulnerability and human connection is one of the only things that will never go out of style.

TV: Right and we’re all craving that now, you know, the ability to really connect on a deeper level and I think that’s something, it’s so empowering and you’ve impacted so many people just by using your voice. I think that’s admirable.

AB: Thank you of course. What do you not do in public now though? (Tessa laughs) What can you not do in public?

TV: That’s a good question. I’ve never been a good partier so that was always conscious of, not being photographed something like, with an alcoholic beverage or something.

AB: I have tried to get you drunk so many times. (both laugh)

TV: I’m sure it’s worked on occasion but, um, you know, that’s not really been a sacrifice for me, I think, what don’t I do public that is a good question

AB: This is one question that I don’t even know where it fits in but type of toothpaste does Tessa Virtue use? Like do you?

TV: (laughs) Colgate.

AB: Yeah a big wink. But what are you cheap about, when you go to the supermarket and you’re like toilet paper is on sale are you getting that sale?

TV: (laughs) Um, I don’t find myself in a grocery store that often because I’m not home a ton, but I don’t even know. I, okay I‘m going to flip that, because one thing I will always indulge in, I will always have fresh flowers at home that is something I treat myself too.

AB: I like fresh flowers too.

TV: Yeah and certain things when I’m on the road whether it is candle soap, lotion, like things that make me feel like I’m in my comfort or home environment, right.

AB: I steal the lotion from hotels. I have so many little hotel things and that I’m making money. (laughs)

TV: Do you have a favourite?

AB: Um no, you know what, probably just the good ol’ like Ramada, whatever they use.

TV: Classic. (Laughs)

AB: That is my go to. So Scottie was on the podcast and I’ve pulled a quote, ‘at times I didn’t know how to handle my relationship with Tessa’, what do you he meant by that?

TV: (beat) I’m not sure. I think in any case where you have a partnership that spans over two decades across the early childhood years, teenage, you know, into our twenties and now thirties. Of course there are complexities that are hard to comprehend and it’s all we’ve known. So it’s also really hard to have any really objective perspective on it, until, maybe there’s an outsider you trust to weigh in, like a sports psychologist or a mental prep coach that we worked with. But, I think probably in the pressure to identify what that partnership meant to us and how it could be labelled or how it could be relatable for others to really understand maybe that is where that confusion comes in. Because it’s something that we’ve really valued, and cherished and nurtured. We’ve really worked hard at that partnership and that relationship, um, but when you’re so in it, I think perhaps we’re the people who understand it the least.

Audio clip – If you wanted characters you got characters. If you wanted feeling, well you drowned in it.

AB: Pretty interesting. Because you guys are quite a bit different too.

TV: Oh, we’re so different. Yeah there’s, talk about balance right, at the beginning, that really what works for us.

Audio clip – They are the greatest ice dancers of their generation, maybe of all time. The incomparable Virtue and Moir.

You know, we’re, we’re such different people, but put us on the ice together and that’s our safe place. That’s where, no matter what is happening we come together and work towards a common goal and we really feed off each other. I mean Scott’s all heart, he’s, he’s such a feeler and I’m in my head and, you know, we can bring out the best in one another and with that nurtured level of support that we’ve given each other, we really are our best when we are on the ice together. And even now to sort of step back into that world and, and feel that comfort and ease. And we had, sort of a break of, seeing each other and skating together, um recently and we got back on the ice and started stroking together and Scott said ‘it’s like a security blanket’ and, you know, there’s some comfort in that.

AB: Your differences obviously in that you can just feed off it. At times did that breathe chaos? Like were you too different, how did you keep that manageable?

TV: I think that the pursue something like an Olympic Gold breathes chaos because there are so many moving parts and so much expectation on ourselves and from others. But when we really fundamentally, started to understand that we processed things differently and approached things very differently we were able to sort of separate that and always come together and say, this is, this is how I am interpreting your actions right now, true or false, and give the other person a chance to explain or, you know. I think, if anything, we are maybe a little bit too protected of one another because we’re the team that, you know, if something happens and doesn’t go very well I’ll say ‘I’m sorry that was my fault’ and he’ll say ‘no, no it was me.’ So I think we to great lengths to ensure that we both feel confident and comfortable on the ice.

AB: you guys will forever be linked together, it has given you a million opportunities. But how difficult and I’m sure you’ve been asked this one million and I apologise for a million and one. First date, how often you asked are you dating? I mean when you go on a date is that what everyone asks you?

TV: Well, I hope I’m not saying yes to any date and then they think that I’m somehow still in a relationship with Scott? (Laughs) I think anyone coming into my life in that capacity knows the situation with Scott because, um, I mean there’s no hiding and there’s, it’s been since I was seven. So it would come as no surprise to anyone, I have a meaningful partnership with Scott.

AB: Let’s go back 2010, 2014, 2018, what’s your favourite Olympic moment?

TV: As an athlete, nothing beats being on the ice in PyeongChang, we were so laser-focused and dialled and so incredibly prepared and just different athletes. We were mature, we had a different approach, a different team with B2Ten, we were, we really were unstoppable and that feeling was palpable and that electricity, it almost felt like a home games, because there were so many Canadian flags and supporters. I would say as an entire experience, a month long experience, Sochi (laughs), which often surprises people because often people avoid the Sochi subject with us, they think oh maybe it’s a point of contention. But really it was such a beautiful moment in our career, we came together we were proud of our performances, there was something about the team, it was so tightly knit, the Olympic bubble was easily accessible, I mean you could get to so many events. I don’t know there was just, it was so much fun, I, I often say it was the best month of my life.

AB: Sochi was the best time of my life.

TV: It was.

AB: I am the happiest I think I’ve ever been right now, but for an actual experience, Sochi. Like 52 billion dollars, oh my God, we can never do that again, talk about Olympic excess, I’m ashamed about that. But for just fun, the women’s hockey team winning. Like the team was a family, I don’t even know how to.

TV: Is that what it was, do you think that

AB: The team

TV: Yeah because it was special?

AB: In Vancouver we were treated like rock stars and it was unbelievable. But there was, the one thing about Vancouver is that we were Downtown essentially, so you could go on one of those electric bikes and be surrounded by 100,000 drunken Canadians all being super pumped up, but you kind of got, the team aspect kind of got lost in all of that because everyone was visiting family. But in Sochi there was nothing to do.

TV: There was only

AB: Well there was

TV: Two places, mostly Swiss House really. (laughs)

AB: So when everyone was finished competing, Russians like their vodka that’s yeah (laughs). Sochi being the highlight for party culture, PyeongChang being

TV: You said party culture by the way. (laughs)

AB: (laughs) PyeongChang being the highlight for, for sport. Um, what was your weakest aspect of being of being a figure skater do you think?

TV: My weakness as a skater? Oh geez, I mean how long do we have here. I feel like I could go on and on about all the things I would still like to improve upon in my own skater. Whether that is posture or power, ability to express specific styles of movement, there’s so much I wish I did better, I wish I could do better. But that’s what keeps us going, even in us preparing for our upcoming tour this Fall, it’s the idea that we still have more potential to explore and more in us to give and I realise that in the PyeongChang preparation that for my whole career I was striving for that performance that I would feel that I had really perfected and nailed it. As great as Moulin Rouge felt on the ice in Korea, I knew that even at time that I would look back and wished I had done some things differently, because that’s just the nature of the beast when, when you’re in a subjective sport like that. I will always watch that video and wish my hands were differently, or wished that I moved my upper body in a better way or something, but I’ve sort of had to come to terms with that and I think, in that by itself is kind of beautiful because you sort of have to accept the moment, given all of the factors surrounding the 4 minute performance it is the moment you could create and that’s sport, that’s what I loved about it.

AB: How has growing as a figure skater, obviously being judged affected how you live your life?

TV: As I approach thirty..

AB: (whistles) That’s me too, baby girl.

TV: (laughs) I have such a better understanding of who I am and what I stand for and what my purpose is and can be and how I see myself and that’s what I place most value in are those, now most closest to me, you know. It’s affected, I think it forced me to do a lot of self-reflection and, and forced me to analyse what’s really important and so often (laughs) it’s not what we look like or, um, how we present, it’s about how we make people feel and how we empower and I feel so much more comfortable in my skin now and I’m grateful for that. And I think it’s probably because I was in a judged sport for such a long time and I had other people deciding my fate and success and that was, you know, sort of the benchmark you aimed for, but it’s in the hands of others. And at some point, you just have to think, okay, it’s not the colour of medal that will dictate the kind of person I am.

AB: Do you ever feel pressured to answer questions the way you know people want them answered?

TV: Not really Ah, not really, because I’m not sure I know how people want them answered. I was sort of conscious and careful to not become that robotic, that sort of, you know, I gave 110%. We always wanted to give people insight of what was happening, but at the same time I mean you can only share what, what you’ve come to terms in your own head. And that no matter what, I mean it was important to be sort of genuine and so I’m not even sure if I still know how to answer things but I’m honest it comes from a place of authenticity, then I think that intention, I hope comes through at least.

AB: I sometimes feel pressure when people about the Olympics because I feel like I need to tell them the little nugget about playing ping pong and beer pong with Sidney Crosby. You know what I mean?

TV: Yeah right

AB: How is it like with the NHL boys? Oh Mark Andre Flurry is really nice, you know?

TV: Right, you want to give, you want share your experience but that’s nice and I think that is something that Canadians crave. But do you feel a little bit of pressure when people talk about your success and accolades or things that come along with that?

AB: People don’t speak about my success much. (Laughs).

TV: Well they should, your, your career was formidable but I, I, sometimes I think there’s a pressure, if anything, just to, for it to remind us how much work it takes, right.

AB: Yeah.

TV: Because if you are going to be a role model, people need to understand, it’s not just about the podiums and the sponsorships, it’s all about all of the work, and the resilience, and the sacrifice, the and deprivation and everything that goes into it. So if anything is shining some light into that end, to ensure that there’s a greater awareness of the holistic (laughs) approach to their career maybe.

AB: I think you must be one of the hardest working athletes I have ever met and I am every celebrating every sponsorship and opportunity (laughs) that you got post-Olympics.

TV: Yeah.

AB: Um, I hope you are making at least 15 dollars an hour, because you work so hard.

TV: Thank you.

AB: Again you have not taken one breath, um, you haven’t taken a breather. Going from competition to shows, from amateur to professional, how does that change your goals, does it change your goals, does it change your relationship with Scott?

TV: It changes everything and nothing at the same time. It, it, ah, we’ve had to redefine what it means to entertain, you’re sort of entertaining the masses instead of 9 judges and yet sort of satisfy some creative need in you as an artist. So it’s sort of finding that, um, precipices of challenging yourself enough so it is satisfying and rewarding, but also playing to your strengths and playing the hits (laughs) so that the audience is getting what they want and what they’re expected. I’m not sure if we’ve found that yet, but we’re playing with it and it’s changed with that. I’m trying to do self-analysis, you know, even though I’m just back on the ice these days. You know, how do I feel in this realm? And I miss the benchmark of being the best and I certainly miss being at our best but I think that’s okay if, if we’re not, because the goal has shifted. We’ll never be at the Olympic peak again and we’re so lucky we get to do our sport and craft for an extended period of time. I am, I’m sure that every sport and athlete wishes they had that chance so I don’t want to waste it but that’s part of why we wanted to produce our own show and tour. So it wasn’t just four minutes that we had to tell a story, it was two hours that we could bring people along with us and control the lights, the ambience, the music and the flow of things and I think we can dive into a project like that and invest and commit, that it, that is more fulfilling than throwing on a costume and doing an one-off.

AB: You and Scott have ushered in this new renaissance/ Golden Age in figure skating. I mean I don’t think it has been this popular since Tonya Harding.

TV: (laughs) Well thanks. There was something certainly towards the PyeongChang Games, I’m not sure maybe because the NHL guys weren’t there, that social media had an impact, there’s also been a different focus on dance in general in our culture. It has become more mainstream in shows like So You Think You Can Dance and Dancing with the Stars and I think accessibility to the art in that realm has been more present and magnified. So I’m not sure if we can take all that credit but it’s, um, very nice of you to say.

AB: The one skater that I do miss is Joanne Rochette.

TV: Ohh (sigh in agreement)

AB: Sorry to bring up her name again.

TV: I know.

AB: But I had one of the best nights of my life with you at her house, do you remember?

TV: (laughs) It was great.

AB: The white wine and oyster night.

TV: If was so fun. She’s a special, well, she’s just an incredible woman and such an incredible force. But she got better and more consistent in her show skating life almost after the pressure of competition. She really found her rhythm and agile and was constantly putting herself was so nonchalant about it and you would see her afterwards, ‘the number as okay’. And every night I would go out and watch her on tour and she just delivered and was so consistent and alluring and enigmatic because there’s just something about Jo that’s mysterious and you want to get to know her.

AB: She’s becoming a Doctor.

TV: I know, it’s amazing, it’s so inspiring.

AB: So, she’s such a smartypants.

TV: Also with her as she started she was still touring as she started to get back into school and any five minute increments where she could have the books open she was studying. It was on the bus, it was between numbers in a show, it was during seas rehearsals, it was constant and I saw that and was so inspired and impressed and really awed by her tenacity.

AB: You have accomplished everything there is to accomplish and I’m very proud of you. How do to define success now?

TV: I’m working on that (laughs), I’m working on that, the new definition, I’m starting to learn what it feels like when I am doing something that has meaning and relevance and purpose and, um, something that gets beneath the surface and feels substantial and significant. And whether that is work with FitSpirit and, um, creating access for young girls in schools, activities and resources, so they can stay physically fit. Um, or partnering with someone who is equally motivated to, to foster this new narrative of self-esteem in young girls, because it does need to change, it needs to shift. Um, I guess really it’s about the fulfilment of a certain process instead of the end result and the end goal. It was Adam van Koeverden who said, he’ll never be the best in anything again and you know, so that benchmark has to change and that’s okay. That’s healthy and it’s also really exciting, so I think it’s about finding things that, um, spark something, ignite a new passion, a new fire within me. I’m not sure if I have totally found that yet, but I am okay with that too.

AB: Where do you see yourself in ten years

TV: In ten years? I think running some business I mean I’m hoping to study more seriously next year and I know that’s where my passion lies and as an athlete I’ve had to be my own boss really for most of my career, all of my career, so maybe something entrepreneurial, I’m not sure what shape that will take exactly but I’m learning so much and I’m surrounded by so many incredible mentors who are helping to guide that and show me what is possible But I’m also really excited, you know in that sphere (laughs) it’s not really about me, it can be about the company, it’s not my face and, um, my likeness, and image and personality in the forefront. I think I’ll be happy to take a back seat.

AB:I was just going to say, because you are so public face but are a very private person that has to be exhausting in some capacity?

TV: Right. I think I’ve come to terms with really just, making the most of the opportunities to me and this the, and this is where I am right now and this is the work that is available to me and I love the work and the by-product of that, um, there are, you know, there are some sacrifices but that is the key to any kind of job. So I am happy to work for that now but it’s just, I also need to know where it is leading and there has to be an end goal to it.

AB: Do you want kids?

TV: I don’t know.

AB: Me too.

TV: (laughs)

AB: Like I’m almost turning thirty and I don’t know what I want for my own life and it doesn’t freak me out though. I always thought I wanted to get married and I thought I wanted to have four kids.

TV: Hmm and that’s changing a little bit?

AB: Yeah.

Yeah I’m the youngest of four and I’ve always been surrounded by adults. When I was 9 my best friend was 25 and now some of my best friends are in their sixties and seventies and so I’ve never really had that maternal instinct. But it’s also sort of abstract to me, perhaps if I found that partner where I thought I want to do this as a team, you know let’s do this together and create a little family unit But it’s not top of mind.

AB: We’re all just trying to figure it out. Thank you baby girl for taking the time.

TV: Thank you.

AB: I really appreciate it.

TV: What a pleasure.

AB: Tessa Virtue it’s always a pleasure. Come visit more.

TV: I will.

AB: Come to my birthday.

TV: (laughs) I would love to though it doesn’t sound like it will be a rager, not that’s, that’s why I would I would be sending a rain check

AB: you like ragers?

TV: No. PJs and (laughs)

AB: No girl, seriously I’ll probably just watch Netflix and go to bed. I won’t even have a glass of wine. I’m tired.

TV: Yeah.

AB. But if you came over.

TV: We’ll have to celebrate

AB: That’s fair. Thank you.

#tessa virtue #player’s own voice #transcript #if you want me to continue let me know #damn read more tags aren’t working on my app #doh

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