#it's not the same level of control like I had at the craft fairs either since under my mom I'm more or less one of the guys in charge

[midnightiscool]

It's kinda weird, but my previous job at the museum was one I dreaded going to every morning, to the point where I was getting nauseous. It was like an hour to work completely nervous the whole time, to sit in an office where my superiors openly didn't like me, and my coworkers were equally nervous to be stuck in there.

Now I work a retail job that's an hour and a half down on a bad day, and I'm not nervous about going there. I look forward to going to work. My managers are friendly folks, and my coworkers are all relaxed, and many are even genuinely excited to see me.

It's less pay, but my managers don't take away my shifts because they decided they don't like me/to punish me because I said "I'm not sure" to a child. Not everyone can do what I did, but while I'm living with my parents, I'll take less pay and a longer trip to work, if it means my coworkers are kinder to me.

[420technoblazeit]

tommy's making a fair point about the mechanics of minecraft in relation to the lore actually. it's true that in the dsmp's current stage everyone kinda has the same power level. they all have netherite armor and the best enchanted weapons and all that because the traditional way of playing minecraft includes getting geared up to protect yourself from threats. but this has the unintended consequence of making the combat much less interesting during big story moments

when eret betrayed l'manburg in the war it was more impactful because l'manburg was set up as the underdogs by virtue of having less resources and protection than the dream team. there was a clear power difference visible in the way that fundy, tubbo, tommy, and wilbur had cobbled together pieces of armor and the dream team was decked out in full enchanted netherite. in the earlier days of the smp the lack of armor contributed to the weight of the conflict

the l'manburg era was pretty good at controlling this sort of thing because the no armour rule worked both within the context of the lore and on a meta level

it feels like every method of fighting has been explored a especially with the usage of things like end crystals, withers, tnt, and wolves. and these days even those aren't enough to really damage someone unless you have a way of stripping them of their armor

ranboo's death was a great demonstration of this problem, where in order to actually kill him they had to write a reason for him to take off his armor. i'm not saying that stream was disappointing but ranboo's death specifically felt a little anticlimactic to me and it's not really anyone's fault either. that's just how it works sometimes when youre using a game for something other than its initial purpose

on the other end of this i literally can't count the amount of times schlatt had to ask tommy to kill a skeleton or a creeper for him because he failed to account for his complete lack of armor outside of a character perspective

idk. it's interesting how the mechanics of a game like minecraft have to be put into consideration for when you're crafting a narrative in that form. many things to think about in smp roleplay

[magos-dominus]

FFVII: REMAKE Exists to Mock Your Pain

This is a post about Aerith Gainsborough.

If you are wondering, this is not a post about shipping.  It is also very long. 

I do talk about the love triangle from a narrative construction and game design standpoint, though. If that interests you, go ahead. If not, scroll on.

+++ Open Spoilers for FFVII (1997) and FFVII: REMAKE +++

So, my reading of FFVII’s infamous Love Triangle has always been that, in the text, there, uh…

Isn't one.

Not really.

The structure of the entire narrative and the trajectory of Cloud's and Tifa's character arcs are built around the two of them baring their vulnerabilities at each other in a rare moment of acceptance, connection, and understanding. You might argue that we never see them physically intimate, here them say those three little words, or even engage in a few PDAs, that the nature of their relationship isn’t clear.

But to be honest?

Who cares that we don’t?

Something we can learn from Good Omens is that, if two characters have to kiss or fuck or say ‘I love you’ to convince you that they’re head over heels for each other, the story is either poorly written or you don’t really understand the meaning of the word.

I have a higher opinion of this game than that, and I want to have a high opinion of you, gentle reader.

The Lifestream Sequence is the emotional climax of the game’s narrative. The rest is simply clean up and denouement. However, that fact does beg the question: "What then, is the narrative purpose of Aerith's attraction to Cloud?"

To start, it's not a connection to Zack Fair, given that in the OG he's more plot device than person. So, what is it then?

I'd argue, that through a combination of incident and design, the Triangle exists at the crux of two competing narrative threads, held in tension by the fact that, as an audience, we share our perspective with the POV character, Cloud in this instance, and the plot works through him to us, most of the time. These two narrative threads are:

Establishing and foreshadowing Cloud's romantic feelings for Tifa as present and important to him and his character.

Getting the audience, not Cloud, to fall in love with Aerith Gainsborough.

If you’ll allow me to put my Doylist hat on for a moment, I have some trivia for you.

As an interesting hiccup of human psychology, the wad of soggy bacon that is your brain is incapable of distinguishing, on an emotional level, between real people and fictional ones. This is why you can start to feel like, after watching the same streamer or listening to the same podcast for long enough, you might start to feel like the hosts are your friends, even if you logically know that isn't true. It is the fundamental psychological reason fiction can resonate with us, despite us knowing it’s, fundamentally, an entertaining lie. Video games, as an interactive medium, can dig into this phenomenon like no other form of storytelling. With Aerith, you might have spent 20 to 30 hours with her by the time you get to the Forgotten Capital. You’ve laughed and fought and maybe cried with her across two continents and a trio of plot arcs. She’s a person the audience has, via Cloud, shared a whirlwind, globe-spanning adventure.

The reason that its her death, out of all the other fictional deaths we’ve experienced, out of all the deaths within FFVII itself, that hurts the most, is because that, by the time she leaves the Temple of the Ancients on her own, she doesn’t just feel like Cloud’s friend.

Its over just when she feels like she’s become yours.

Not content to simply to explore the grieving process of its own characters, FFVII reaches out to take something from you, and have you grieve with them.

A recurring and oft-pointed-out design decision is the empty space left by Aerith after she dies. Holes in group formations, gaps in menus, etc. Places where she used to be. A reminder of the loss, or more optimistically, a commentary on how she’s still with the party in spirit.

I would argue that it might just as easily be you in that space. AVALANCHE is a rag-tag group of misfits bound together by their grief, and when you leave the Forgotten Capital, you’ve been blooded. You’re trauma-bonded to the group now, and you’re all there, shoulder-to-shoulder to do right by your fallen friend.

It’s a gimmick that appears on the ludic level as well. Cloud’s various panic attacks, out-of-body experiences, and struggles for control are experienced by the audience through the mechanics. Sephiroth manipulates Cloud by disrupting, blocking, and limiting your connection to him. he isn’t just denying Cloud agency, he’s reaching out through the fourth wall to deny you your own.

To personally victimize you.

Once you leave the Forgotten Capital, the dialogue choices vanish. You are no longer Cloud’s co-pilot. The trauma and grief has severed that connection you had with him. You can’t do anything to help or guide him anymore. He’s on his own and you, along with Tifa, have to watch him slip out of your grasp and into the hands of an enemy all three of you are powerless to fight.

Final Fantasy VII isn’t a video game.

Final Fantasy VII is an elaborate mouse trap masquerading as a late-90′s JRPG, and Aerith Gainsborough, part-time human, full-time hello kitty monster truck, is an insidiously crafted piece of fine Swiss Gouda. It is designed, from script to visuals to music, to fill your heart to bursting and then run it over with a sixteen-wheeler; then leave you reeling for long enough that you don’t hear the tell-tale crunch of rubber-on-asphalt as it backs up over your pulped torso for good measure.

Which brings us to REMAKE. Namely, why did they cut a lot of scenes from the OG’s script that heavily featured Aerith flirting with Cloud? Or suggested there might be something there, between them, to the audience? It’s for the same reason that Sephiroth no longer has his trademark slow-burn rise to the center of the stage.

Those plot points no longer served their narrative purpose.

REMAKE is, functionally, a pseudo-sequel. A retelling that exists in conversation with a past version of itself, and is constructed with the assumption that the audience is, at least passingly, familiar with its legacy. 

Sephiroth doesn’t get a mysterious build-up because everyone already knows who he is and what he’s about, he and Aerith are familiar with at least a broad-strokes version of the script because the audience already knows it by heart, Cloud gets headache flashbacks of scenes from the OG when we see something we know will be picked up down the line, and Aerith isn’t pushed as hard as a love interest to the audience because we’re already attached to her at the hip.

Aerith seemingly knows about her fate, and while the game leans heavily on suggesting Tifa and Cloud’s shared romantic feelings, even moreso than the original did in this segment, it still holds space for Cloud to pursue Aerith, should you choose. However, she all but talks past him and directly to the audience in her Chapter 14 Resolution scene, warning us away and signposting an oncoming tragedy so that we might brace for it when the time comes and spare us any unnecessary pain.

Her character development gets fast tracked too, through knowledge granted from the Arbiters, she grows quickly towards her late-disk-one identity as the Last Ancient. She gets a piece of the closure with Zack she might get at the Gold Saucer on her date with Cloud, a chance to say goodbye to the last bit of her normal life before she was able to fully embrace the fact that it was gone. She even gets the closing speech this time, last words usually reserved for the protagonist.

But that’s what she is at the end of REMAKE, isn’t it? The only one on the same playing field as Sephiroth and the only one who might be on the same page as the audience. Equal parts the Aerith that just left Midgar and the Aerith that we saw leave for the Forgotten Capital back in 1997, on a mission to protect her friends from the danger that lay on the path she knew she had to walk. 

All of us now get to walk that path on more time.

Maybe this time we’ll get to walk it with her. Maybe this time we’ll get that happy ending. Hell, maybe Zack makes it out fine too and we get that heartfelt reunion our hearts bled for when finished Crisis Core. Maybe yours is still bleeding.

Maybe, maybe, maybe.

The Arbiters subplot exists to taunt us with these possibilities, to roll back our grief from acceptance to bargaining to denial, if we ever reached those stages to begin with. I can almost see our girl getting to go home this time, safe and happy and surrounded by her newfound misfit family, free of the crippling loneliness that’s haunted her entire life.

But to be honest?

All I can see is a better mouse trap.

[alterofnaught]

My thoughts on some more interesting Tsumugi lines: Context for this, she is talking about Shuichi being with Miu currently. Of course, she doesn’t actually think anything is going on with Miu and Shuichi- she knows there isn’t. But this little jab/statement was probably intended to either get a reaction out of Kaede to confirm that her plan to have her develop feelings for Shuichi this quickly or if it wasn’t already happening plant the idea in Kaede’s head. Push her to contextualize the relationship she’s developed and the attachment she feels as romantic by suggesting it. Knowing how much stress she’s currently under, messing with her mental state with something as innocuous as this would be pretty easy. 

Of course, this also connects to her claim in Chapter 6 about how she manufactured all their feelings and emotions in the game as the fictional characters she created which I have thoughts on.

I’m not going to get into how much I think she could implant and all that (even if it’s fun to consider as someone who has studied Psychology for a while that’s a whole other subject). But just touching more on the relationships she claimed to create (Kaede/Shuichi and Kaito/Maki specifically). Of course her claim is that it’s all fake and Shuichi counters with saying that the feelings and pain they felt were real. And Shuichi is absolutely right in my opinion. Those crushes/feelings/however deep you interpret them weren’t faked- I don’t believe she had that level of control no matter how insane technology is in the V3 universe. What she did have control over was their backstories. Backstories that gave them very specific insecurities and traits that make relationships easier to form with a little nudging. Placing Shuichi right next to Kaede knowing the insecurities and anxieties he had would make him easily grow attached to the first person to show him kindness and compassion. Kaede’s love of bolstering people fits perfectly with what he is searching for. With Maki she gave her the phony talent that was always intended to be revealed and likely make her the pariah, and who better than to sweep in than the guy with the MASSIVE hero complex. And someone who has the awful backstory she does, of course she would fall for someone with that much faith in her. And Kaito has that constant desire to swoop in and take people under his wing like he does with both her and Shuichi. But that doesn’t make these emotions fake. They aren’t fully developed of course. No one in the killing game has the time to have fully developed bonds (~21 days for the KG and 10 for Salmon Mode- it’s supposed to be the showmance level of instant attraction but not fleshed out. I just don’t think it’s fair to claim either of these relationships are fake just because they were what Tsumugi had planned out. Contrived... absolutely but the emotions were still real despite that. Which of course is a very complicated thing for someone to process and would definitely really make those feelings confusing but definitely not any less real. 

But relating it back to fiction and your connection to it... if a writer creates a character that was INTENDED to be lovable and well liked by the audience- crafted with the intention of being a fan favorite- it doesn’t mean you are “fake” for liking them. That connection is somewhat manufactured but it doesn’t make your connection or love for that character any less real or important just because the author created the character knowing they had a specific audience for it. And authorial intention doesn’t always work either. Characters authors think everyone will love sometimes end up massively hated or vice versa (like how Kodaka thought Miu would be massively disliked but is actually a fan favorite). 

So with Tsumugi I imagine it would be the same, no matter how much intention she crafted her characters with- there was definitely variables she couldn’t control since they are real people with fictional backstories. Just like writers can’t control real peoples emotions to the fiction they create- they can only PUSH them to what emotional reaction they want. But people are complicated and while sometime ridiculously predictable, are also at the same time incredibly inconsistent and surprising (which is why fields like advertising both have to rely on tried and true methods to rope people in while also trying to be surprising and novel and guess at things that people may react to). 

[lovehugsandcandy]

One-on-One: Rematch (Part 1)

A/N: So this is getting out of control...what started as fulfilling a prompt that no one actually asked me for has turned into...this, a continuation on the Colt!basketball player/MC!cheerleader nonsense because why not? This is the first of four parts. (First story here)

Pairing: Colt x MC, ROD

Length: ~4,500 words

Rating: N*FW (Sex. Swearing.)

Summary: When Langston made it to Nationals, Ellie planned on spending the entire time studying in her room. It didn’t end up quite as planned.

Ellie perched on the edge of her bar stool, hand locked around a glass of ice water, toes tapping nervously against the floor. She never did this.

The plan had always been to use this time to study. Ingrid was psyched about their trip, chattering nonstop about the massive intercollegiate parties and the freedom to fraternize with the players. Ellie listened, dutifully; however, she had planned on avoiding it all, venturing out only for games and meals, living in her headphones and studying under the covers to dig into the obscure theorems and formulas required in upper-level classes.

But now?

She shifted in her seat, keeping the sliding door leading to the hotel lobby visible in the corner of her vision; she sat straighter when she saw familiar red-and-gold uniforms streaming through. Pivoting, she tracked their path, players filing through the hallway in clumps of two and three, lugging packed gym bags over broad shoulders. She waited, eyes narrowing, and finally, there. 

At the end of the line, gesturing pointedly at a piece of paper in front of him, she caught a familiar stride, long legs carrying a recognizable head of black hair and a pair of mischievous eyes. She hid a fond smile behind her glass. If there is anything she learned about Colt once he friended her on Picta, it was that he took the strategy behind the game more seriously than the actual game play. Whereas his teammates would be in the gym, perfecting bench presses and layups, Colt spent most of his time watching tape, designing play upon play that tactically attacked his opponents’ weaknesses. She internally wondered if he enjoyed the mental plotting more than being on the court.

He jabbed at the paper again, finger tracing an determined path as two other players listened intently. She tilted her head, trying to follow his path towards the elevators through the crush of the crowd as athletes, spectators, and cheerleaders, everyone flitting around in the buzz of finally being at the playoffs. Eventually, his gaze left the paper, and he glanced about; the smirk on his face when they locked eyes sent heat to her cheeks. 

She waited as he spoke to his teammates and then pushed his way through the crowd, eyes trained on her with every step. He stopped before her with a grin. “Fancy seeing you here.”

“You told me to meet you.”

“Do you always do what people tell you to?”

She had a thousand retorts on the tip of her tongue, ranging from sarcastic to flirty to downright indecent, but before her brain settled on one, a harsh voice cut through the lobby. “Kaneko! What are you doing? Let’s go!”

He glanced behind him, face pulling into a frown, but turned back again, pressing thin plastic into her palm.

“What’s this?”

“1512.”

“What?” She looked down to find a hotel key.

“1512.”

She blinked. “Is this an open invitation?”

“It’s whatever you want it to be.”

Oh my God, she didn’t know if she wanted to smack the smirk off his face or kiss it.

“Kaneko, let’s go!” He sighed, and the frown on his face was a curious mix of haughty and regretful.

“You gonna come?”

“I…” she glanced behind him, where the rest of his team crowded around the elevator.

He smirked and leaned down, hands warm even through her jeans, breath whispering over her lips. “Just come on. Open invitation, ok?”

Her eyes fluttered. He was so close that she saw each individual lash surrounding his eyes, trace his tongue dipping out to wet his lower lip. She had to focus, tighten her fingers so her drink didn’t plummet to the floor. “Ok.” She could do nothing but agree, not when he looked at her like that.

His answering grin made her stomach swoop as he straightened, shooting her a wink before he turned to jog back to his teammates.

Shaking her head, Ellie turned back around to place her glass on the bar. What was she thinking?

~~~~~

“You sure you don’t wanna go out?”

“No thanks, I’m good.” Ellie read the same sentence over again. When the uncertainty in a particle’s position is multiplied by the uncertainty in momentum, its value cannot be greater than half H-bar. She frowned; this was why she hated particle dynamics. You can’t tell both the speed and location of a particle simultaneously? She internally scoffed. Bullshit. She had always known exactly where she was going. Langston University, 4 years. PhD program at Yale, 6 years, followed by a postdoc before moving back to LA for a tenure-track research position. She had detailed out this path the day she won her seventh-grade science fair; in the years since, she had never wavered, never veered. Why was it so hard to do that with particles?

“Really, El?” Ingrid ducked out of the bathroom to study her, fiddling with an earring. “You seem...off.”

“I’m fine.”

“You sure?”

Ellie sighed; she wouldn’t have been convinced either. “I’m good, really.” Her hands tightened around the textbook in her lap. “We have a game tomorrow night. I’m just gonna study and go to sleep early.”

“Ok. I’ll be quiet when I come back.” Ingrid grinned wickedly. “If I come back.”

Ellie flushed but didn’t reply, only giving a quick wave as her roommate headed out the door. She read the sentence again. What was Planck’s constant again? She should know this by heart; she shouldn’t be so jittery, fidgeting and glancing at her purse every three seconds. It was there, a tiny rectangle nestled between flash cards and a folded-up game schedule; for a cheap strip of plastic, it was distracting, calling to her, a siren song far more compelling than quantum mechanics.

Fine.

She stood, closing the book and silently tucking it under her covers. Ingrid’s footsteps faded down the hall, followed by the ding of the elevator and then blessed silence. Ellie knew exactly where she was going and how fast; a quick detour to the room of a blindly attractive basketball player wouldn’t change anything. Quickly, she stripped, bundling her pajamas under her bed on the off chance she wasn’t home before Ingrid, throwing on street clothes and triple-checking her purse for the plastic key card. It gleamed, reflecting the light as if taunting her, conspicuously out of place among the detritus of her carefully crafted life.

He was two floors above her but she took the stairs, cautiously listening before turning the corner between floors. Thankfully, it was silent; apparently the parties were somewhere else tonight, even the hallway deserted as she walked, never-ending carpet empty and dulling her steps as she sidled up to the door. 

1512. She stood for a minute, heart hammering in her chest, before gathering every speck of courage; her fingers shook as she put the key in the slot. The light turned green, and, with a tiny ding, she was in.

She pushed the door open, peering curiously inside before she stepped forward, but it was just a normal room, the mirror image of hers and Ingrid’s. The walls were drab, painted a dull beige and decorated by inoffensive pastoral photographs that contrasted with the emerald carpet under her toes. There were two beds, one covered in clothes and a familiar red-and-gold jersey, facing a large flat screen. It was almost exactly the same as her room. The only notable difference was standing in front of the window, phone to his ear; however, he obviously wasn’t focused on the conversation, not with the way his mouth hung open, gaping at her.

She waved, and her awkward hands closed the door behind her.

“Hey, yeah.” Colt spoke into the phone, rushed, low. “Ok.. Listen, I gotta-I gotta go… Yeah, yeah. Ok. Bye.” He turned to her but his phone rang almost immediately, shrill tone cutting the silence of the room; with an annoyed glance, he hit some buttons, randomly, and the phone went flying as he kept his eyes trained on her.

She stepped forward, letting out the breath it seemed she had held since she left her room. “Hi.”

“Hi.” The smirk was back, surprise all but gone as he watched her pad into the room. “Fancy seeing you here.”

“Again,” she ground out, “you invited me.”

“I’m glad you took me up on the invitation.”

She dropped her purse on the bed that held the familiar uniform. “I was studying but got bored.”

“Ouch. You wound me.” She felt the sarcasm dripping from his words. “Had I known I was just a way to pass the time, I wouldn’t have given you a key.”

“You would have.”

“Maybe.” He stepped closer, smirk never wavering. “You come to give me my prize?”

“Your… your what?”

He crossed his arms over his chest. “I thought you were gonna give me a kiss if we won Nationals.”

“Excuse me?” she scoffed, mouth dropping open. “You haven’t won anything yet.”

“But we will. We’re 2-to-1 favorites. It would take a catastrophe for us to lose.”

Ellie knew all of this. She had been reading up on the playoffs and the predictions and the certain specific players whose breakout sophomore year included a 30 point victory when she was too focused on thermodynamic driving force to even notice the game unfolding. “Well, you haven’t won yet.”

“We will.”

“You just want me to kiss you.”

“Obviously.” He blinked and the warmth in his eyes softened, minutely, so subtly that she would have missed it had he not been merely a breath away. “You can call it a loan.” He blinked at her underneath lush lashes.

“A loan? Really,” she sneered, stepping even closer to watch his eyes zero in on her lips.

“Sure. I’m good for it.”

She trailed her nails through his hair before pulling him closer. “I charge interest.”

“Of course you do.” She could feel the words across the bow of her lips and then, finally, they were kissing, his hands skating down her back to cup the curve of her ass. He pulled back, smirking. “You didn’t wear the skirt.”

“Is that all you think about?”

“Oh, no.” The next instant, his hands cradled her thighs, and she was up, weightless in the air before falling onto the stiff hotel blanket. She had to smile; the bed under her was still made, sheets at sharp lines and right angles, but the boy above her was anything but proper, eyes wild, lips curving in devious intent as he stared down at her. “I think about a lot of things.”

“Like what?”

“How you look out of these clothes.” He ducked his head so his teeth found her neck. “How it sounds when you say my name.” His mouth trailed higher, and he reached down to trace a determined hand up her inner thigh. “How you fucking feel when I-”

Her hands found the solid muscle of his chest and she pushed, hard, straddling his hips when he landed flat on his back. “Are you always so mouthy?”

She immediately realized her mistake when he opened his mouth, laugh lines dimpling his face, and immediately closed it again.

“I mean…”

“I feel like you’re setting me up.”

“Ugh. Is there any way to shut you up?” 

“Multiple,” he laughed and pulled her down, meeting her lips with teeth and tongue until she rolled her hips reflexively; he only bit deeper divots into plush skin, tightening the hand on her thigh so she felt every single digit digging through her jeans deep into her thigh. Her fingers found the hem of his t-shirt, pulling roughly up to expose tight muscles too sculpted to be real. He wasn’t huge or beefy, but every inch of skin lay upon corded muscles, abs clearly defined as her fingers traced them inch-by-inch. “You admiring the view or something?” he sassed.

“You are so... fucking… annoying.”

He laughed, eyes shining, and returned the favor, throwing her shirt across the room, bra quickly following as callused fingers tweaked a nipple. “Come here, come here,” he all but commanded and she could only comply, meeting his mouth for a kiss that ended any lingering doubts in her mind. She was draped over him, nipples peaking as they grazed over the planes of his chest, and sparks burned their way up her spine.

He popped the button of her jeans, one-handed, and she broke the kiss to wriggle out of the rest of her clothes, grinding her hips. She felt the thick line of his cock through his shorts, right where she was boiling hot, and his choked off moan let her know that he could feel every single movement.

She felt frantic, weightless, desperate. She could only kiss him, furiously, as he shimmied the rest of his clothes off. He was so warm under her, skin laid bare underneath her as his hands drew sigils of fire down her thighs, up her back. She couldn’t have stopped if she wanted to, her plans of studying, her common sense, her mind completely gone as she lifted her hips, a quick pivot, and then she was sliding down as he moaned into her mouth.

“Oh fuck, you feel-” The curse was bitten off, thickly rolling from his tongue, but the note of praise was there, awe seeping into his voice. His hands grasped at her hips, holding her in place as his chest heaved as if he had just gone rounds on the court. “Goddamn.”

She rocked her hips tightly, solely to see the flash of pure pleasure fly across his features. Hell, he felt good, just as good as three weeks ago, hiding in a tiny locker room shower stall. But here, they didn’t have to hide, and she was free to slide up and down his length with abandon, moving her hips so it hit the exact right spot inside her. Her toes curled.

He traced a hand down her stomach before it ducked into her folds. The praise continued. “Ellie, fuck, you look so amazing riding me, fuck.” His thumb drew circles around her clit and she fell forward, barely catching herself as shivers started up and down her spine. “You feel so fucking incredible, God-” he breathed, eyes trained on where their bodies came together, heat of his eyes burning through her core. 

She could barely hold herself up, nails digging crescents into his chest, and she was sure that the red marks in the tight muscles would last until his quarterfinal match. She hoped he would feel them on the court, a distracting ache when he was taking a shot or blocking a pass. Her hips moved faster. “Colt, fuck, Colt, I need-”

He surged off the bed to pull her closer with a weighty palm curving at the small of her back, rocking up into her with abandon. It took three more thrusts, hips slamming together once more as he found that spot inside her, and the room exploded, her body quaking as she fell apart, clinging to his shoulders, the only solid thing in a room where everything was moving and shaking in pleasure so strong that she had to close her eyes lest the wave carry her away.

She slid onto the bed, limbs weak. Or perhaps she was on top of Colt? It was hard to tell as the world got hazy. Everything-her mind, her limbs, her sense of time passing-everything was wrapped in fragile gauze, warm and light. 

She should return to her room... but her limbs wouldn’t work, muscles laden and slow. It was easier to just lay here, just for a minute. Maybe it was the sex, but she felt good, relaxed, at ease.

She had seriously planned on reviewing the Heisenberg uncertainty principle again.

She was going to.

She was totally going to head back.

But after they showered together, where Colt had proven his absolute inability to keep his hands to himself and used soap-slick arms to ease her onto the floor, water raining over his head as his tongue drew shapes that made her legs tremble, and after they fell into bed, wrapped in plush towels that quickly found their way to the carpet as her fingers clamped onto the headboard and his hips drove into hers so quickly that she lost her voice, barely able to push air from her lungs as he moved just so, just right to make light flare behind closed eyelids, after, well, it was all hazy. 

She had planned on returning to her room.

She had.

But somehow, she was sprawled over him, limbs heavy with exhaustion, and nose digging into his chest. Every breath smelled like nondescript hotel soap, clean scent utterly at odds with the dirty deeds this room had seen. His hands traced down her spine as she murmured into his skin. “Who were you on the phone with?”

“Hmm?“

“Earlier. When I came in.”

“Oh. My mom,” he said sheepishly. “She wanted to come watch the games, but she had to work.”

“Aw, are you a momma’s boy?”

“What?!? I would definitely not say that.”

“I bet she had her hands full with you.”

“She’s the reason I play ball; she’s the one that got me into it.”

“Really?”

“She was desperate for something to get my aggression out, give me something to do. She also thought I needed practice working with others, being part of a team, some shit like that. Soccer? Fucking boring. I was downright brutal in football. In hockey, I once tried to slice someone with the edge of my skate and you definitely don’t want to see me with a baseball bat. Basketball just seemed to fit.”

“She’s probably proud of you.”

“Ha. I doubt that very much.” He rolled his eyes. “How about you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Your family.”

She looked out the window at the moon, crawling through the sky. “Hmm... It’s only me and my dad. My mom died when I was 13, so it’s been only the two of us forever. He’s a little... overprotective.”

“What do you mean?” His hand started running comforting circles around her shoulder blades; she edged closer.

“You know, typical story. Only daughter. He had a lot of trouble letting go. He’s a detective too, LAPD,  so he was always petrified I would end up on one of those unsolved crime channels.”

“Daughter of a cop, eh?”

“Yeah,” she sighed, glancing up at him. “So that made it worse. He barely gave me any freedom, and I decided I would get away as far as I could.”

“You sure attending the best college in the US didn’t have something to do with it?”

“Well... that too.”

“I didn’t know you’re from LA.”

“Yeah, born and raised.”

“Hmm...I wonder if your dad ever ran into my Pops,” he scoffed. “They run in... similar circles, I’m sure.”

“What… are you from LA?”

“Originally, but my mom moved me out East before I started high school.”

“And your dad is still there?”

“I think.” Colt looked away. “He hasn’t spoken to me in years.”

“Ouch.” 

“I hate him.” She watched his eyes shutter; unbidden, her hand ran through his damp hair. “I almost dropped out last year.”

“Of college?!?”

He shrugged.

“Why?”

He inhaled through his nose, hard, exhale ruffling the strands of her hair making their way over his sculpted chest. “I had this grand plan to leave school, take my bike to LA, confront my dad, work my way into the family business, rule the world.”

“But… you have school, basketball.”

“I know… but I wanted...” 

The silence hung heavy enough for Ellie’s heart to hurt. “What happened?”

“My mom caught on, lit into me, said I was risking my future to be like my dad and tool on cars the rest of my life.”

“He’s a mechanic?”

“Well... something like that. Owns a garage in Gramercy Park.”

“You don’t seem like you like cars that much.”

“I don’t.”  He wiggled his eyebrows. “But I’m fucking fantastic with my hands. Want me to show you?” He rolled over to slide on top of her, running those talented hands down her sides, lower, and time passed and the haze in her brain intensified.

.

“She was actually my competition. My best friend is still out west at school and, when we realized we would go to the same school, she kinda... took me under her wing. I was... sheltered before that.” She was fully on top of him-how did that happen?- running her nails through his hair, his scalp, while he mewled underneath her. They both still weren’t wearing clothes. It was late, or early, moon still passing through the sky. She needed to go back to her room but, when his hand cradled her hips, she really couldn’t bring herself to move.

“You don’t seem that sheltered.”

“Well, not anymore. Ingrid helped me come out of my shell, make me realize that I could have a life besides studying. She even got me into cheer.”

“Wait, how long have you been cheering?”

“A little over a year. I started senior year of high school.”

“Wow,” he rumbled, moaning when her nails grazed behind his ears. “I would have thought it would have been longer.”

She hit the spot again and his moan got louder. “Colt?”

“Hmm.”

She slid lower, catching him right where his cock was stiffening underneath her. She circled her hips, a slow grind, a catch of breath, and then she was sliding down again, guttural whimper making its way through her lips. “I’m done talking.”

.

They dozed. She slept, she thought she did at least, but she was startled awake when she rolled over into him; then her hands tracing over the defined muscles of his chest woke him up, and suddenly she was on her back. Time shifted, bent, and she had no idea what time it was or what day it was, but then it didn’t even matter. His tongue flicked and it must have been something, diabolical sorcery or criminal mischief or something, because the next thing she knew, she was flying, screaming, the world ending around her in a blaze of sparks and light, gripping his hair so tightly that it must have ached, must have hurt him because it hurt her, her hand fisted into silken strands but she couldn’t let go, she had to hold on to something, some anchor, some piece of solid ground, while the world broke apart into shards.

.

Did they sleep? She had no idea.

She only knew she couldn’t catch her breath.

Her fingers tangled at the back of his head. She pulled lightly, but his lips didn’t budge from a patch of skin at her collarbone. “My uniform-oh God- my uniform won’t cover that.”

Finally, he sat back, eyes trained on the tender mark, the result of lips and teeth and white hot pleasure. “Good,” he rasped, eyes scorching as he looked down her bare body. With a smirk, he went lower, teeth delivering a love bite to her thigh. “How about here? I think that skirt is shorter than this.”

“Ugh… higher.” She pulled his head up higher, and his tongue traced up her thigh. “No, higher.” She could barely reach his jaw, fingertips struggling, pulling him up. “Colt, higher, please.” And when his tongue finally reached where she needed it, her hand flew to her mouth to cover the high whine and time stopped.

.

It was too late. She blinked. What day...was that the sunrise? She sat up, peering through the windows at an ominous purpling of the sky.

“Mmpf.” He rolled over to paw at a hip, pulling her back against him. “C’mon, stay.”

She glanced between the door and the sport on his cheekbone where his eyelashes fluttered. “What about your roommate?”

“No roommate.” His arm tightened around her waist, warm and solid. “Just stay.”

She swung her legs onto the bed and settled against his chest. “How did you swing that?”

“Incident. Last year. I told...” His voice dropped, heavy with sleep; it rumbled through her back, into her lungs. “Gonna throw ‘em out the window…” he yawned. Their legs tangled. She waited for the rest of the story but it apparently wasn’t coming; when she peered over her shoulder, his lashes were heavy against his cheek, jaw slack, breath regular and low. Her muscles slowly relaxed and, against her better judgement, she pulled the sheet closer. I’ll wait until he’s asleep. She knew how hookups with basketball players went; she wasn’t dumb. Just until he falls asleep….then I’ll sneak out. I’ll just rest a minute and then go. She closed her eyes.

When she opened them again, the sun was high in the sky.

“Crap!” She shouted, sitting up.

Colt jolted up next to her, arms flailing. “What? What happened?”

“It’s morning. It’s…” She glanced at the clock. “Oh my god, it’s one in the afternoon!”

“Umm… ok?”

She jumped out of bed, cursing again when her shin hit the nightstand. “I have to go. My roommate... Ingrid’s gonna freak out.” She raced to her purse to grab her phone, shoulders dropping at the seventeen messages and six missed calls. “Ingrid already freaked out.”

“Then stay.” He settled back into bed, rubbing a hand over his face. “Tell her you’re fine and come back to bed.”

She paused, covertly studying him out of the corner of her eye while her fingers hovered over the phone screen. Basketball players weren’t exactly the ‘breakfast the next morning’ type. “I have to be at the arena in an hour; we’re playing the afternoon game today.”

“There you go; enough time for room service.”

She blinked. She couldn’t think of a reason to leave and, besides, his bed was comfortable. “... fine.” She texted Ingrid while Colt called in the order, ignoring the resulting three blaring phone notifications as she slid back into bed.

“Room service will be here in thirty.” He pulled her against his chest, hand sliding down her back to rest lightly on the curve of her ass. “You know what that’s just enough time for?”

She raised her eyebrows and retorted, “A shower?”

“That’s exactly what I was thinking.” Ellie giggled as he hoisted her over his shoulder to cart her to the bathroom.

As the hotel staff learned, thirty minutes was not enough time for a shower. It was enough time to memorize how her hands looked, scrambling against the bathroom tile. It was enough time to catalogue every sound from his throat. It was enough time to fall apart, to shake into pieces, and forget everything except the way his body perfectly molded to hers. 

She was 20 minutes late to warm-ups and, despite Ingrid’s incredulous expression, she couldn’t quite bring herself to care.

.

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Colt

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[fimflamfilosophy]

“Is DnD Still Popular?”

To some of you giant nerds, the question, “Is DnD still popular,” is probably one of the stranger things you’ll read today, but within a specific context it makes a lot of sense. Speaking of, the show “Stranger Things” presented a popular, physical look at what DnD beasties might feel like, even if it didn’t present an honest view of what DnD games really play like. Along with more online media referencing the game and sites like Roll20 making it easier to join a group, it makes sense. Is this a temporary boom or has the roleplaying community seen a lot of permanent additions to its nerdy hobby?

I wouldn’t have numbers to say, myself, but for what it’s worth, roleplaying is always a very personal experience. And for a few of us, the question isn’t, “Are people still playing DnD?” Of course they are - it’s all anyone plays! The question is, “Can you get anyone to play anything else?”

What Is DnD?

For some people, Dungeons & Dragons has become so intertwined with the concept of roleplaying that people think DnD and roleplaying are synonymous. If you roleplay, you play DnD. Originally, this had a kernel of truth. There are articles about the history of the system, and during its inception the game had a hard time taking off. Fundamentally it was asking people to play make-believe, but with a system of mathematical rules and designs. We know now that this type of thing is like catnip to massive dork-faced neckbeards, but at the time it wasn’t expected to have much appeal.

Eventually it did get off the ground, and it became the standard for the entire concept of a roleplaying game. And as with all “firsts to the market”, there have been many competitors and copycats, but it’s difficult to pry the audience away when you need everyone to use the same system. In economics they call this “network utility value” - that is, a fax machine is useless if only one person owns one. You can only send faxes to other people with fax machines, so if another company tries to invent their own offshoot of the fax machine, they’ll never get anyone to adopt it because everyone is already using the existing fax machine network. Everybody knows DnD, which means that if you go to a convention or look for games online, you know you’re going to find more players for that system than any other.

Why Does DnD Continue to Work?

In early editions of DnD, there were a lot more rules, and as a result more freedom to design your characters. When I first started roleplaying, it was during the 3rd edition of the system, where you could still allocate skill points to become better or worse at specific skills like lying, climbing, forgery, or crafting. This meant that with good planning, you could play a sub-optimal wizard and make up for it somewhat by investing a lot in your “persuasion” skills to rely on talk more than magic.

But being the system that everyone has to learn isn’t enough to stay on top forever. Other systems like GURPS have taken hold by now, and some types of popular nerd media have introduced their own completely unique systems designed to simulate their specific media universes. The owners of DnD had two choices: either make the game more open and try to eat the lunch of other companies, or make all of DnD easier to play in general to capture a broader audience.

So they released 4th edition! We don’t talk about 4th edition. And then they quickly released 5th edition (and a few mumbled apologies), which streamlined a lot of things about the game to the extent I’m not sure why they even let you control your character stats at all now. Skills became baked in with your level, and most of the game is about choosing abilities when you level up. It’s become very similar to playing an MMO, and I believe that’s the point.

One of the big things you always see in a complicated roleplaying system is players spending hours putting together a character. For your experienced player, this is a labor of love. You really care about the small details and want to make sure you get it right, or you’re a Win-At-All-Costs type who wants to make sure you’re rolling the biggest numbers. Either way you’re familiar and know what you’re doing, but it presents a hurdle to new players, and that hurdle has been largely done away with in 5th edition.

No matter how old you are, how experienced you are, how creative you are (or aren’t), or how much you know about any aspect of the game, you can play 5e DnD. I think you could play as young as seven years old and have minimal problems, because all you have to do is choose a job and virtually everything else is filled in for you, as if by a program, as if a video game. An experienced player can help a new one whip up a character within fifteen minutes, and that new guy will be rolling dice at the dragon about as well as everyone else.

DnD is the Worst System

But DnD’s accessibility is also its greatest downfall. Because everything is sort of programmed out, you find a lot of players eventually growing bored with the same-old, and they try to find ways to inject new life into the system. They invent new races, new classes, new abilities, and so on - they call this “homebrew”. yet many people are bad at creating balance and fairness for something they personally intend to play, and DnD recognizes this problem. It has a lot of supplemental books telling you all you need to know about other races and classes you might want to play, and in theory they are as fair and powerful as anything in the base system.

Yet no amount of homebrew or supplementary material will solve DnD’s core problem: it’s rigid. If you want to play, you need a battle mat, because every spell, every action, can travel or act within a certain number of squares and you always need to know exactly where you’re standing. Players are expected to be able to take a certain number of actions per turn based on their level, and do an expected amount of damage. Monster encounters are built loosely around the concept of “Challenge Rating”, which is meant to imply a group of four players will find a CR of 5 suitably challenging if they are all level five. Basically it plays like “X-Com”.

And as you lock people in these mechanical, video game-styled designs, you find people champing at the bit. Not everyone wants to choose their abilities at level up or have their skill proficiencies dictated by what level they are. Some people want to express truly outlandish concepts, or play something that isn’t specifically designed around the idea of walking room to room blasting monsters. You’ll see people in roleplaying communities often asking, “Does anyone have any good ideas to homebrew [this idea] and make it work?”

Fans of DnD argue the homebrew approach works. Yes, it’s complicated and frustrating to invent entirely new classes and races for a single game where you don’t know how long you’ll play or what level you’ll reach, but DnD’s strict rules and design philosophy is a perk to those people, not a drawback.

Yet a fact of note is that a quote from a game I run got into a popular “Out of Context DnD” blog. The quote was, “ Mecha-Jesus unleashes a barrage of flames from his palms, but the train-snake martially dodges out of the way!”

It received 337 notes, and I was a little surprised by that. The game is a post-apocalyptic Road Warrior setting where the team boss decided to kill God as revenge for one of the gang members dying. Also featured in that day’s session was a battle between two men operating bucket cranes in a duel to the death above a giant grain silo, among eight other equally implausible events based loosely on Dante’s Inferno. For me, Mecha-Jesus is not a 300 notes event - it’s literally every other Friday.

What Do You Want to Play?

In my view, DnD often poses the question, “Are you even roleplaying?” I mean really. A lot of players feel like they are because they do an accent and come up with a backstory, but if you set yourself next to another player who has the same character stats and you’re playing together in the same game, has the system really given you the tools to solve problems all that differently? And the answer is is broadly, no.

I understand the counter-argument. Every player is unique. But in their way each Paladin in “World of Warcraft” is unique too. They have different gear, different competencies of player, and may take different abilities, but fundamentally they’re expected to crash dungeons and use what they’re given to kill monsters. The only advantage DnD has is that the GM can allow his players to interact with scenery items or talk to things, and you’ll see debate on exactly how much leniency a GM should give his players to act outside DnD’s base mechanics.

That’s a mentality. Some people like the safety of the system. They like to know what all the monsters are, what the risks are, what the rewards are, and have it all neatly lined up where you can see it. They want to join an Adventuring Guild that will bureaucratically assign a dungeon for them to attack so they always have something to do and a sure reward for doing it. The GM went through the trouble of drawing that dungeon out, after all. DnD is extremely safe.

And then there’s the alternative. I actually learned to roleplay among theater nerds who were already big into the concept of improv and narrative. One of them used to joke, “If you think DnD is the best system for the game, you know it’s not character-driven,” because any time you’re fine with trying to build an actual human around a set of level-up choices, you’re probably not designing the strongest possible personality.

Going back to media making DnD more popular, the first televised introduction to DnD I can personally recall is an episode of “Dexter’s Lab” where they address exactly this conflict. In it, Dexter runs a game where he forces his friends to play by his rules, where he wins. When Dexter rolls poorly, he turns the dice over to a better number and declares his evil wizard “fried” the team of adventurers. Then his sister, Dee Dee, takes over, and with no knowledge of the game’s rules at all, embarks on an improvised session of pure roleplaying where the guys tell her what they do and she tells them what happens. The sheets are just guidelines for them, and if they say they can do something Dee Dee accepts it.

Dee Dee’s roleplaying is open. It’s a void, and for some people, when you look into the void it looks back. How do you control everyone when they can do anything? It requires a certain level of trust that some players have a difficult time not abusing, yet weirdly everyone I’ve ever known who would lie and cheat during a roleplaying game actually preferred DnD, and I think I know why.

Rules Can Be Broken, but the Suspension of Disbelief is Immutable

The grognards that break the rules in DnD do so because the rules are so strict that they ironically can be easily broken. If the system says people take a certain amount of damage when they fall, and you find a way to throw to them that elevation consistently, by gum they’ll damn well take that damage. It’s in the rules! A friend I know combats this by saying if his players exploit the rules, then the monsters will start exploiting them too, to discourage arms races of bullshit.

What I’m describing is often called “rules lawyering”. So named because it involves finding a rules passage, interpreting the rule so the wording sounds like it favors an exploit, and then leveraging that into a powerful ability players were not meant to have. Because DnD requires you to know absolutely everything about your relative locations and words like “Attack” can have important diverging meanings depending on context, it’s a system extremely vulnerable to lawyering.

But with a more open system based on narrative and characters, it becomes harder to lawyer something you shouldn’t. In an open system, you build what the game calls for without consulting a bunch of charts and level guides. If you’re super heroes, you build super heroes. Cyborgs are cyborgs, Orcs are orcs - it’s whatever, and if you try to do anything outside the believability of the game, the GM tells you no. He has more authority in a more narrative game because the GM leads the narrative.

I’m personally fond of the Hero System, which ascribes massive ranges to all forms of weapons (a gun or eye laser can reach you down a long hallway) so the only general questions that need to be asked are, “Are you close enough to punch a guy?” and “Are you bunched up close enough to all be hit by this grenade?” You don’t need battle mats and the games play a lot more intuitively. There are two books of rules in Hero and they can be specific, but most of the rules revolve around character design rather than how to play, and fiddly things like physics or bursting through walls are meant to be decided depending on the type of game, at the GM’s discretion. There are guidelines, but they’re only that.

So if someone tells you they can punch through a wall in your noir investigator game, you tell them no, because the rules are just guidelines and in this game you can’t just drive your fist through a concrete brick even if you can find figures in the book that say maybe you can, because the book also says maybe you can’t - you’re expected to play the narrative, not the game. You can punch through walls in the super hero game where that’s typical, but not in this one.

From DnD to Anything Else

Of course, the open systems also present an opportunity for players to be very different in skill sets and abilities. You could imagine DnD is like “Power Rangers”, where everyone’s a different color and has different weapons but they’re basically all pretty much on the same level. An open system will wind up more like “Avatar the Last Airbender”, where one player is going to be Toph and someone else is going to be playing Sokka. 

It’s important in DnD that everyone be the same, because a lot of the game is spent in a 20ft x 20ft room full of skeletons (or Putties) - Toph would single-handedly dominate every challenge. Whereas in a narrative-driven game the ability to crush everything with a rock doesn’t actually solve half your problems and whoever’s playing Sokka probably winds up more active than the person playing Toph.

At the end of it all, that’s why the question for me is whether you can take the players out of DnD and take DnD out of the players. Everyone plays DnD, but can you get people to play Sokka and have a good time if Toph is in the party? Personally I think it helps to start people on systems other than DnD, and then they can go into DnD if they like being in small rooms full of skeletons.

Of course, trying to start people on anything but DnD is usually defeated by the network utility! Everyone knows DnD! It’s THE system synonymous with the hobby! A few too many times I’ve seen people play a DnD game and say roleplaying just isn’t for them because it’s boring. All you do is wait for your turn and then roll dice at goblins.

But all I can say to that is, you never roleplayed, man. You joined a pen-and-paper video game. I agree, throwing dice at goblins sucks. I used to have a friend who would compulsively roll dice when he got bored waiting for turns in games like that, and when asked what he was rolling for, he’d joke, “I’m killing the dragon! I’m killing the dragon!” Him, enjoying the experience of DnD combat in between other people’s turns.

In many groups that’s all DnD is, silly accents and go-nowhere backstories aside. Acting is hard. But if you’re very lucky, and you know just the right people, it’s possible to land in a game that is pure story and character, and those things are a rare treasure and a real blast.

[joealwyndaily]

 Joe Alwyn — Red Magazine (Jan 2020) interview 

You’d think that a back-to-back Hollywood movie career and a megastar girlfriend might have changed Joe Alwyn, but he’s quick to assure Nathalie Whittle that his feet remain firmly on the ground. 

“So you didn’t see the part where the aliens attack?” asks Joe Alwyn, a playful smirk on his face. He’s referring to his latest film, Harriet, which I had a sneak preview of the previous day, although the fire evacuation (false alarm) meant I missed the ending. The biographical drama tells the story of Harriet Tubman (played by Cynthia Erivo), the historic abolitionist who escaped slavery and led hundreds of others to freedom. Alwyn plays her insufferably cruel and capricious slave master Gideon Brodess. He is, of course, joking about the aliens. At least, I hope he is. Today, we’re tucked away in the corner of a dimly lit bar at London’s Covent Garden Hotel. It’s the sort of drizzly afternoon that might dampen the moods of most, but not Alwyn. He appears cheery and at ease, sporting country casuals: a grey mohair jumper, blue jeans, and brown boots along with an unkempt beard; perhaps an attempt to disguise the boyish good looks he’s become known for. He stops to interrupt me only once with a look of alarm: he’s forgotten to offer me something to eat or drink. I can have anything I want, he assures me.

At 28, Alwyn has had the sort of career trajectory that most aspiring actors wistfully dream about for years, even decades. His education included a degree in English literature and drama at the University of Bristol, followed by a BA in acting at London’s Royal Central School of Speech and Drama. But within two weeks of his graduate showcase, Alwyn received a life-changing phone call. He refers to it as the thing “I owe everything to.”

“I’d just signed with an agent and I was kind of pinching myself, you know, how surreal is that?” he says. “She sent me a portion of the script for a film, Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk, that Ang Lee was directing. I’d grown up watching his films — Brokeback Mountain and Life of Pi — so I couldn’t believe I was even going to do a tape for someone like that. I got my dad to film me in a scene in my bedroom and some mates to film me during a lunch break. The next thing I know, Ang wants to meet me in New York.” Cue a series of auditions and screen tests that led to Alwyn bagging the title role in his first big-budget Hollywood film. He was just 24. “It was so much so fast that I didn’t really compute what was going on,” he concedes. “Before that I was just a poor student who barely understood how people got auditions, let alone landed jobs.” Did he have any jobs before that? I ask. “I did have this one job in London,” he says wryly. “Do you know that frozen yogurt place, Snog?” I’m struggling to picture Alwyn serving up frozen delights. He’s laughing now. Was it a good gig? “Exceptional!” More laughter follows. “I mean, I was paid some money! Then I worked in a menswear shop. I did what I could to make some extra cash.”

A far cry from a frozen-yogurt counter, doors started opening to bigger and better opportunities as soon as Billy Lynn hit cinemas. The next script Alwyn read was Yorgos Lanthimos’s The Favourite (released in 2019), in which he secured a small but riotous role as young baron Samuel Masham alongside acting greats Olivia Colman and Emma Stone. “Putting on giant wigs and running around in make-up and chasing Emma Stone through the forest — what more could you want?” he laughs. The film earned widespread critical acclaim, receiving seven BAFTAs and a record 10 British Independent Film awards. 

Having further honed his craft in subsequent films Mary Queen of Scots and gay-conversion therapy drama Boy Erased, Alwyn is about to enter into unknown territory. This Christmas, he’ll play Bob Cratchit in his first-ever TV drama, BBC One’s A Christmas Carol; a “darker, twisted, less glossy” version of the Charles Dickens classic. He’s “feeling good about it,” but I’m curious as to how he’s approached this change of scenery. Was he not nervous? “Oh, very. I tried to watch other people. It’s the second time I’ve worked with Guy Pearce [who plays Scrooge] and I asked him a lot of stuff, which probably annoyed him. I watched the way he works and the questions he asked on set when he was approaching a scene.”

Two people who will definitely be watching Alwyn’s TV debut are his mother, a psychotherapist, and his father, a documentary-maker. “They’d better be watching!” he laughs. Born in London’s Tufnell Park, Alwyn recalls being given stacks of videos every birthday and “watching them to death, until the tapes burned up.” One of his favourites was The Mask of Zorro. In fact, he was so obsessed with it that he and his best friend took up fencing lessons at a local community centre in Crouch End, where, by chance, he was spotted by a local casting agent for the hit British romcom Love Actually. She asked him to audition for the role of Sam; he breaks into a wide smile when I ask what he remembers of it. “I didn’t know much about what the film was; I was most excited about the fact I got the day off school! But I remember being in a room with Richard Curtis and Hugh Grant reading scenes, many of which didn’t make it into the film. And I left the audition thinking, ‘I really recognize that guy from somewhere’.”

Alwyn didn’t get the part. Instead, he forgot about acting for a while, with the exception of summer holidays, where his parents would send him and his older brother off to “some drama camp as a way of preoccupying us.” He explains that when he later realized he wanted to act on a serious level, he kept it a secret. Was it because he was worried how his parents would react to a somewhat precarious career choice? “Well, it meant putting myself out there in a performative way, and that wasn’t necessarily something I did or was used to doing. It felt like it should be quite a ‘look at me’ job, and that wasn’t really how I felt growing up. I wasn’t a painfully introverted kid, but I wasn’t a particularly extroverted one, either. So maybe I was self-conscious about the idea of saying to people, ‘Look, I can do this’.”

He credits drama school with giving him “permission” to go for it. “Plus my parents were great about it. They’re both freelance themselves, so while they recognize the perils, they also couldn’t say to me, ‘We can follow what we want, but you can’t’. There wasn’t a boundary, which helped a lot.”

I wonder if it’s been difficult acclimatizing to the level of fame that��s come as result of his roles. “There have definitely been changes that have taken some getting used to, whether it’s sitting down and doing an interview or someone recognizing you,” he says. “There are things that have changed in my life, but I still very much feel like the same person. It probably helps that I’ve been hanging out with the same friends literally every day since I was 12 years old. Maybe it’s when those things change that people change, I don’t know.”

It’s fair to say that the level of interest in Alwyn has, in part, been heightened by the fact that, in his spare time he plays the role of Mr. Taylor Swift. The pair reportedly met in late 2016 and became in item shortly afterwards. I’ve been warned ahead of our meeting that Alwyn “doesn’t talk about that”, and he’s keen to justify his stance in person. “I feel like my private life is private and everyone is entitled to that.” he says. “I’ve read stories recently about people like Ben Stokes and Gareth Thomas, which are a gross invasion of their privacy and of their lives. It’s disgusting. That’s not journalism, that’s just invasive.”

It must be tough, I suggest, being in a relationship that is surrounded by so much scrutiny. “I just don’t read the headlines,” he says. “I really don’t, because I can guarantee 99% of them are made up. So I ignore it.” Recent rumours suggest the pair are engaged, and are owed in part to one of Swift’s latest songs, Lover (’My hearts been borrowed and yours has been blue. All’s well that ends well to end up with you’), as well as a piece of string tied around Swift’s finger in a Vogue cover shoot. According to die-hard fans, this means something. But to Alwyn, it’s clear it means nothing at all. Is he never tempted to respond to the mistruths, to shut them down? “No, because it’s just pointless,” he sighs. “It won’t change anything. I just don’t pay any attention. I have my life and it’s kind of separate to all that stuff.”

I’m curious as to how much time he gets to simply enjoy the success he’s experiencing. “There’s lots of time not working, I wish there was less in a way!” he laughs. “I go to the pub, play football, go to gigs, watch TV (he’s just finished season three of True Detective), pretty normal things. There’s no ‘secret life’. But ultimately, I worry about finding the next job; that’s the truth. In the midst of everything, there’s always that feeling of ‘I’m never going to work again’. It’s a cliche, but you can’t just sit there waiting for the phone to ring. You have to try and take control. You’re at the mercy of the things you seek out — the directors and the connections — so I try to be on top of that as I can and read what I’m sent and be discerning. I try to pick wisely and follow up on people and leads that I’m interested in.”

Is there an end point he wants to get to, where he’ll feel like he’s made it? “Things have certainly shifted in my twenties,” he says. “Success to me now is doing things that make me happy and that make me feel fulfilled, doing what I want to do and being on the right track. Not in terms of being on a results-based track, but just doing something I love.” He pauses and smiles. “That sounds a bit sentimental, doesn’t it?” 

[write4tomorrow]

An Annoying Blush (Part 5)

Genre: Adventure / Fluff / Angst

Word Count: 3767

Pairing: Poe Dameron x Reader

Summary: About a year after The Rise of Skywalker, peace in the galaxy is fragile. The Resistance is faced with new diplomatic problems as they try to maintain the peace. Trade routes are especially tricky and has forced Y/N to test her abilities as a negotiator. Due to tirelessly, negotiating with different planets and systems, Y/N has become the new face of peace and hope. Does this make General Poe Dameron jealous? 

PART 1 PART 2 PART 3 PART 4   Epilogue (Complete) 

The world was moving so fast around you. Rose and Finn were preparing the small ship that you were on. Poe was communicating with the other generals and organizing plans for the worst possible outcomes. Even BB-8 was busy doing something you didn’t understand. It looked like the droid was fixing something in the ship’s hard drives but you couldn’t be sure. This ship wasn’t like the Falcon but it was large enough for you, Poe, Finn and Rose to operate. Since waking up on the little ship, you had been on the move almost nonstop. 

You spent quite a while explaining what you could remember of your time with Nix to Generals Connix and Calrissian. Poe stayed by your side and listened to what he could. There were instances of your story where he left the room. The most memorable part of the last few days had been the hours you spent hanging from chains. You had trouble recalling what Nix said to you or done to you before you woke up, hanging in the air. You don’t remember sending the message from the comm to the Generals. When Poe showed you the transmission that you sent, chills went down your spine. You looked like such a desperate creature; you were small and nervous, your movements were like that of a grounded bird. 

There was no way to be sure if your memory loss only extended to the time you were with Nix. You remembered your time on Coruscant and you could vividly recall walking the streets with Poe. You remembered the small kiss he placed on your bare hand after you told him about your scars. You hoped that there weren’t other holes in your memory. 

“We’re almost there,” Rose said as she popped her head into the little medical room. You nodded and turned to Poe. With the exception of the moments during your conversation with Connix and Calrissian, Poe hadn’t left your side. You wanted to believe that it was to comfort you, but something was wrong. Poe wouldn’t look at you, not directly anyway. You had tried to catch his eye or talk to him but Poe seemed uninterested in your conversation. Why was he acting like this? It was beginning to infuriate you. 

“Help me up,” you threw the covers off of yourself without waiting for anyone to assist you. However, in an instant both Poe and Rose were on either side of you. Your feet could hold you up just fine - your ankles weren’t seriously injured during your captivity. The difficulty came when you moved your head too quickly. You felt mildly dizzy and when you teetered on your feet, Rose and Poe grabbed your arms. You felt pain in your shoulders at the unwelcomed hands on you. After spending days with your hands above your head, you couldn’t move your arms without feeling like an unoiled machine. 

“You’re not going,” Poe said. It wasn’t a command, you could tell. His voice was more of a plea. He didn’t think you were up for the mission. General Poe Dameron didn’t trust his best spy in his hour of need and you felt the fury in your body bubble over. 

“General Dameron,” your voice was stronger than it had been in days and Poe flinched when you said his name, “do not ever tell me I cannot do my job.” 

“You think that I’m going to allow you back on the job when you can’t even stand up?” Poe’s ego was bruised and he didn’t like anyone telling him what to do. 

“I’m a spy- I’m the best spy you have and I know Nix better than anyone! Let me do my job-” you began but Poe cut you off.

“Listen, soldier, I already lost you once so if you think-” 

“I am not yours to lose, General!” You were yelling. There was a lack of control and you hated that you sounded so ferrel. Poe flinched a second time upon hearing his title. You wanted to apologize but you wouldn’t stand for this complete lack of faith. You shrugged off his grip and met his eyes with a cold stare. You held his gaze, making him really look at you for the first time. There was no friendship between you right now. There simply couldn’t be. You saw what had happened when you were close to Poe: Nix had manipulated those feelings and used them against you. That would not happen again. 

“I’m going to get you some clothes,” Rose said, trying to leave as quickly as possible. You stood at your tallest and kept your eyes on Poe. He held your stare until something in him understood. He tucked his chin and the dark curls on his forehead fell over his eyes. He left the room without saying anything as Rose came back and tossed a shirt and pants at you. 

After dressing and assuring yourself that you were ready for whatever Nix would throw at you, it was time to put the Resistance plan into action. Wordlessly, you marched past Finn, Rose and Poe to board the small ship that Poe had used to rescue you from Kamino. The plan was simple: you and Poe would sneak into Nix’s main ship; Rose and Finn would distract the command center on Nix’s ship by leading a small attack on their communication systems from the outside which would distract them from what you were doing on the inside; Connix and a small troupe of fighter planes would be on standby in case Rose and Finn needed help; Calrissian was orchestrating a stronger signal that would, hopefully, over power Nix’s communicators if all else failed. 

You fastened yourself into the shooter’s seat of Poe’s two person spacecraft. Poe was a good pilot, but that didn’t mean you were helpless. You had piloted your fair share of ships as well as manned the cannons on many. You could do this. 

Just as Poe took off, you uttered a small phrase of good luck to Rose and Finn over your comm. You didn’t want to leave them on such a cold note. The rest of the trip to Nix’s ship was quiet but short. Poe elegantly flew under the admittedly larger enemy ship that must have been Nix’s lead vessel. You had no idea where Nix had acquired such a craft, but it was impressive. Equally as impressive was Poe’s ability to fly in undetected. He found a small hanger that was empty except for two technicians. Upon landing, it was easy to over power them with your blasters. So far, so good. 

You began to lead the way farther into Nix’s ship but Poe stopped you. Annoyed, you wrenched your arm from his grip. You turned back towards Poe, but the expression on his face shocked you. There was an unfamiliar twist of emotions written across his features. You felt the overwhelming urge to cup his face in your hands and sooth away his worry. Thankfully, he began to speak before you gave into your feelings. 

“No games, y/n,” Poe began, “if I give you an order from here on out, you follow it. You are my spy and I am your general. I don’t want to be second guessing whether or not you have my back or if you’re still too pissed to cover me. This is a mission and we can figure the rest out later.” You respected the seriousness of the situation and the maturity to move past your own feelings for him. You wouldn’t forget Poe’s lapse of judgement, but you wouldn’t allow it to get in the way of everything the Resistance has accomplished this far. You nodded and gave Poe a small smile. A hint of mischief instantly returned to Poe’s face.

The two of you worked together like a well oiled machine after that. The halls of Nix’s ship were relatively empty. You wondered if Nix just kept a small crew or if everyone was busy dealing with Rose and Finn’s distraction. 

Poe lead the way through the ship, seeming to know the way instinctively. Finn must have given him excellent directions of the old Empire ship. If someone appeared behind you and Poe, you shot without hesitation. They were all stun shots but you knew that it would give you enough time. Even BB-8 moved along side you and Poe so well that it seemed like the droid knew what was going to happen before you did.  

“You’re good with a blaster,” Poe said with a lopsided smile. An annoying blush crept into your cheeks and Poe nodded, satisfied. “Good to know,” was all he said. 

If you had to guess, it took you and Poe approximately twenty minutes to reach the dimly lit, circular communication room. You felt like things were happening too smoothly and once the door to the communication room closed behind you and Poe, you voiced the concern. You surveyed the room and felt surprised when Poe agreed with you. 

“I don’t know what else to do, though,” Poe said as BB-8 began working with the computer system. 

“So we just sit and wait for Nix?” You paced around the space. You noticed two cameras in the room and wondered if Nix could see you. 

“BB-8 are those camera’s on?” You asked. Poe worriedly turned to the ceiling at the mention of cameras, but BB-8 made a small negative beep and Poe’s shoulders relaxed. All you had to do was wait. You knew that Nix would try to send the communication message you had recorded earlier once he saw that the Resistance had found him. Hopefully, Finn and Rose’s distraction was enough to make Nix run to the communication room where you and Poe would ambush him. 

“If BB-8 can disable their communications permanently, then we won’t have to wait for him at all. The recording will be destroyed the moment he tries to use it if BB-8 has the chance to finish.” Poe said. He was avoiding your gaze again. 

“Look at me,” You wouldn’t allow the silence to continue. 

“I am,” Poe leveled you with an expression you couldn’t quite read in the dim light of the room. His face was cast in strange shadows of blue. 

“What is your problem, Poe?” You kept pacing in the circular space. He waved your question away and began to walk the same way you were. The two of you were at opposite ends of the room and as you both paced in a clockwise circle, you couldn’t tell who was chasing whom. 

“Problem? There’s no problem,” Poe tried to dismiss the conversation, but you gave him a look that told him it wouldn’t be that easy. “Let’s talk about it later when we aren’t on an enemy’s ship.” The door to the communication room opened as if to punctuate Poe’s statement. BB-8 let out a beep and you knew that the droid must have opened it on accident. 

“Talk to me,” You commanded. Poe’s spine stiffened at the order and he looked at you in wonder.

“Have you ever tried leading an army?” Poe laughed as he spoke. “You have a good voice for it.”

“Don’t distract me,” You softened your voice in an attempt to coax the truth out of Poe, “I want to know what’s going on.” 

“Fine,” Poe said, throwing up his hands. “Let’s talk about you. I’ve never met you, that’s probably a good indication that you’re a good spy. It’s probably good that we haven’t met before now because within the first three days of knowing me, you’ve been kidnapped and tortured and had your memory wiped. It’s good that we haven’t met before because if I had met you during the war I wouldn’t have been able to think about anything else. If I had met you before, I would have known what we were fighting for and I would have had something to lose. If I had met you before I would have distracted you every chance I had and the Resistance doesn’t need a distracted spy master.” Poe’s voice was increasing in volume and became more angry with every word. 

“It’s good that we haven’t met before but now that I have met you, I know I’m putting you in danger. Now that we’ve met I think about what it would be like to walk the streets of every planet with you by my side instead of sitting in a Resistance base giving orders like a cowardice General. I think about being the person who gets to see all your scars and showing you all of mine. Now that we’ve met, I’m thinking about you and I can’t stop, y/n.” 

Poe’s voice filled the small circular communications room and must have carried down the hallway. You stopped walking and turned your back on Poe. He was standing with his back to the open door and the light around him made if difficult to glare at him. BB-8 still hadn’t figured out how to close the door and your mouth was open as well. Your heart was in your throat and didn’t want to look at Poe anymore for fear of revealing something raw and real inside of you. 

“The only reason I complied with Nix’s demands was because I thought he had you,” your voice was low. You faced the blue lights of the communication controls around you, trying to compose yourself. Poe let out a frustrated sound behind you but you waved it away like a bug in the air. 

“Then the next decision should be incredibly easy for you, dear,” your back had only been turned for a moment. That’s all it took. When you turned back to face Poe, you felt the air leave your lungs. Nix had one arm around Poe’s throat and a blaster against the General’s temple. In one fluid motion, you stepped in front of BB-8 and pointed your blaster at Nix. He had managed to take Poe at gunpoint and was now using him as a shield. Everything Poe had feared had happened. You were distracted. You didn’t have his back when it mattered because you wanted to talk- because you were angry. You began mentally kicking yourself. 

“BB-8, do what you can, pal,” Poe’s words were aimed to the droid and you felt inexplicably hurt. 

“Clever girl,” Nix seemed to pur, “you knew I would come down here when your friends started to attack my ship.” He seemed almost impressed. “Your General is going to come with me, I am going to bring reinforcements and the two of you will be locked up for a long time. But before any of that happens, you will broadcast our message to the entire galaxy or I will shoot the General.” 

“Shoot him,” you said as cooley as you could. You knew Nix and you knew he was a perverse man who wanted to draw out your suffering. He wasn’t going to kill Poe. 

Nix, as though waiting for you to say exactly that, pointed his gun at Poe’s leg and pulled the trigger. 

“Poe!” You couldn’t steal away your emotions, Nix knew you just as well as you knew him. You watched as Poe crumpled against Nix. The only thing keeping him upright was Nix’s arm under his jaw. Rage began to bubble up in you again but this time there was fear too. BB-8 seemed to know how distressed Poe was and beeped indignantly. You didn’t know what the droid said, but something glittered in Poe’s eyes. 

“If you care for her,” Poe said through gritted teeth, “you wouldn’t do this to her.” Nix scoffed as Poe slid lower against Nix’s body. 

“Care for her?” Nix tightened his grip on Poe, “I only need her for the trust she’s garnered from the different systems. She even knows all your secrets, Dameron. Did she tell you that she put together an intelligence folder on you before she met you for the first time? That kind of knowledge and resourcefulness would be better working for me than you.”

“So the message you recorded with her,” Poe began, “You don’t believe a word of what you said?” You couldn’t believe where this conversation was going. What was Poe doing? He knew all of this already. BB-8 continued to work behind you. 

“There is not a true word in the whole recording but everyone will believe what she tells them,” Nix nodded in your direction. “Your precious poster girl will discredit you and the entire Rebellion and there’s nothing you can do about it.” 

You watched Poe, whose eyes never left yours. There was something here that you were missing. He slid down Nix’s body and gave you a look that you couldn’t interpret. He gave you a lopsided smile and - despite everything - you felt another annoying blush creep into your cheeks. 

Suddenly, you understood. 

“Put down your blaster, and-” You pointed your blaster at Nix’s chest at the same moment that Poe slid a little farther down, away from the barrel of Nix’s blaster. Seeing your only chance and the open target that Poe had given you, you fired at Nix. Both Poe and Nix crumpled to the floor and you rushed over to the two men as soon as your finger released the trigger. BB-8 came over too. 

Nix was breathing, but unconscious. Poe was grunting from the fall and the pain in his leg. You picked up your General and wrapped his arm around your neck. Together, the two of you quickly hobbled out of the base. 

The closer you came to Poe’s ship, the farther he seemed to slip into some kind of hysteria. He began to laugh almost uncontrollably. The wound to his leg must be worse than you realized. 

“He really thought he had us,” Poe said as you strapped him into his own ship. You put him in the gunner’s seat because he was in no state to pilot. 

“We’re going to get back to Rose and Finn’s ship,” you said to him as you made sure he was secure. He continued to laugh. 

“Never underestimate a droid, y/n.” Poe clutched his leg and laughed through strange grunts. 

“I knew you were good with a blaster,” Poe wouldn’t stop speaking nonsense.

“You are my spy and I am your general, ha.” Poe was muttering now and you looked to BB-8 but didn’t understand what was happening. It didn’t matter. You needed to get back to Finn and Rose’s ship before Nix woke. 

When you were in open space, you saw that Connix and her crew had joined the fight. You turned your comm on and demanded to board Finn and Rose’s ship immediately. With giddy whoops and cheers, they found you. You didn’t understand their commotion and it quickly died down when you landed on the small Resistance ship. Rose and Finn greeted you but their smiles turned dark when they saw Poe, unconscious now, in the ship. Finn stepped in to help but you pushed him back with a sound you didn’t recognize as your own voice. 

“He’s hurt,” was all you could manage. You were choking on your own words. There were tears in your eyes. The swell of emotion didn’t seem to end. Logically, you suspected that you were falling into your own episode of hysteria but you needed to make sure Poe was okay. Your hands were shaking and you couldn’t seem to undo Poe’s buckles. Gently, Rose pulled you away and you watched as Finn carried Poe to the med bay. 

BB-8 led the way to the medical bots. You and Rose followed Finn as he carried Poe. No one spoke. Finn laid Poe on the bed and you felt sick. You hadn’t even taken the helmet off and you heard cheering over the coms. Why was there so much cheering right now? You took the helmet off and threw it across the room. It hit something but you didn’t care. Rose tried to calm you down, but you pushed her away. Finn turned to you and then to the medical bots. 

“Sedative,” was the only word you heard him say before you felt a small prick against your neck.

When you opened your eyes, the room around you was noisy. There were strange beeps and some people around you. You saw Connix, Finn and Rose standing around you and… and Poe. Poe was standing next to your small bed. He was in the middle of a conversation.

“... I mean she was in hysterics even though I was the one shot? C’mon she’s just being dramatic. She didn’t like that I was getting more attention than her. She’s fine.” Poe was leaning on a crutch and arguing with Finn about something. 

“She’s a spy, Poe,” Connix cut in, “She never wants attention!” No one seemed to notice that you were awake. 

“We have to get the message, the recording, from Nix,” your voice was sluggish from some medication but the urgency in your words was real. Every head in the room turned to face you. It didn’t matter, you started to take the blanket off of yourself, but Poe sat down next to you. 

“It’s all over,” Poe brushed some hair from your face. There must have been some confusion in your expression because Connix rolled her eyes and tried to explain. 

“BB-8 highjacked the communication signal in the comm room. The smart droid used the two cameras in the room and began to stream a live feed of your show down with Altross to every open channel in the galaxy. Everyone heard Altross admit that the message you recorded with him was fake. He’s been outed as a traitor. The outer rim bounty hunters and the farmers have agreed to trade with us now that Altross is out of the picture. So even if Altross chooses to stream the message you recorded with him, which he hasn’t, no one will believe it.” Connix crossed her arms over her chest a let a pleased smile cross her face. 

“So,” you said slowly, “the whole galaxy saw me shoot Nix?” 

“Girl,” Finn sighed, “I think the whole galaxy wants to buy you a drink. No one liked that prick.” Finn smiled at you and something like chuckles began to erupt from you. It spread to your smile and your whole body began to shake with laughter. 

“Sedative?” Finn asked the room. Poe shook his head.

“Let her get it out,” Poe was watching your smile with a lopsided grin of his own, “who knows when the last time she laughed like this was.”

Epilogue

A/N: Surprise! I couldn’t stop here with Chap. 5, so I also wrote an epilogue. 

[girlofmanyfandoms]

Tinker’s Backstory Pt 1?

A/n: This is based off of my Tinker headcanons. I tried to write angst, but that didn’t really show? Let me know if it hit you in the feels or not, and if this should be a series. Am I half-neglecting my other series? Maybe. Anyways, enjoy!

Word count: 2,102

Warnings: Possible angst?

“Pass me that gear,” Lady Iskra commanded. “We’re almost done with this prototype.”

Tinker hopped off from her place on the workbench next to Lady Iskra to fulfill the demand. They had been working since yesterday trying to perfect the design of this technology she decided to call an “obscurer.” Tinker had to stay overnight in Lady Iskra’s extra bedchamber in order to complete the project and, though tired, Tinker was honored to apprentice to such a legendary technopath.

After Tinker helped her set the gear in, she took a moment to observe the workshop. It’s walls were covered in bulletin boards of diagrams and shelves and boards holding tools galore. The floor was cluttered to say the least, cogs, gears, and bolts of all sizes strewn across the room. And though she couldn’t quite place the smell of the place, she knew one thing: it made her feel at home.

“Are you listening, apprentice?”

Tinker blinked, trying to adjust to that jolt of reality. “Yes, Lady Iskra. Of course. Could you repeat what you said?”

“I said we need to oil this out. Can you please get it from the supply room?”

Young Tinker nodded eagerly, red curls bouncing. She sprinted out of the room and bounded down the hall. Navigating her way through the messy supply room, seeing the oil on the top shelf. She began climbing the shelves, carefully avoiding the various items being held by them. Just as her hands grazed the container, she slipped and went crashing down the large distance from the top shelf to the ground. Her back was in immense pain and she clutched it in worry of something breaking if she let go. 

“Lady Iskra!” she cried. Tinker couldn’t lay down, but couldn’t sit up either, so she was in this half crouched position on her side. She could hear Iskra scrambling from her seat to figure out what had happened. When she arrived, she rushed to her side. 

“What happened?” Iskra asked worriedly, gently taking her hand and helping her apprentice lean against a box. “Are you hurt?”

“Yeah,” Tinker winced. “I tried to climb the shelves for the oil, but I slipped on a greasy board.”

Iskra bit her lip in concern. “I’ll call the medic.”

“No! I’m fine,” Tinker insisted.

“Bolt,” Lady Iskra addressed her by her nickname. 

She was given the nickname Bolt for three reasons. For one, Tinker didn’t like to use her original name. For another, she was quick, speedy, and young, with a lot of potential in her. Lastly, Iskra said that Tinker was the one who held her projects together, just as a bolt does. 

“You need to have your back checked out,” Iskra warned before her expression softened. “I shouldn't have sent you to get the oil. I should’ve known it wouldn’t be within your reach.”

This was one of the things Tinker admired the most about Lady Iskra. She had an air of tough love, but when it mattered, she was there. She was like the mother Tinker never had. And deep down, she knew that no matter how much Iskra valued her work, she valued her apprentice more. ‘Everything is a learning experience,’ she would say whenever Tinker messed up a project and felt guilty. Tinker never felt out of place.

“I’m alright, Lady Iskra,” Tinker assured her, grunting as she forced herself to stand, leaning against the shelf. Iskra frantically held her arm, terrified of her getting a concussion. “Is the project alright?”

Lady Iskra shooed the question away with her free hand. “Nevermind the project. Let’s get you to the bedchamber and I’ll fetch some ice.”

Tinker found no use in protesting as her mentor helped her to her room like a soldier guiding their wounded comrade. She layed on top of an ice pack, her body propped up with an obnoxious amount of fluffy pillows. 

“Can I still work on the obscurer from here?” Tinker begged.

Seeing the pleading in her eyes, Iskra caved. “We’ll make a compromise. I’ll bring the materials to this room, and you can watch while I work. Sound good?”

Tinker agreed. She was satisfied to watch as her mentor worked her craft, always knowing what to do in what circumstances. When to add a component, and which one, and how. This was another thing Tinker admired about her. Her skill, and ability to work under pressure. In her three years of apprenticeship to her, Tinker tried to mimic her in every way. She still couldn’t quite understand why someone as talented as Lady Iskra saw something in her. She couldn’t understand why she was the one that Iskra took under her wing.

It wasn’t long before Tinker dozed off, leaving Lady Iskra to work quietly at the room’s only desk.

“I think we finally did it. Do you want to test it ou-” 

Iskra stopped herself, seeing Tinker’s sleeping form. She chuckled lightly and brushed a red curl off of her forehead.

“You’ll change the world, child,” she muttered as she walked out of the room, sure that Tinker didn’t hear those words.

_________

But the words did reach Tinker, in her dreams. Her surroundings were hazy, but she could vaguely tell where she was. It was Atlantis, and she was munching on a piece of mallowmelt that was a bit too large for such a young child. A friendly face greeted her, the figure leaned down so she could be on the same face level.

“I’m Lady Iskra,” she introduced herself. “I heard you wanted to be my apprentice. I want to mentor someone who has potential. So, show me what you can do!”

Tinker hurriedly swallowed the mallowmelt in her mouth and wiped her sticky hands on her clothes before rushing over to a fountain. Lady Iskra, though confused, followed her. Tinker reached into her pocket and pulled out a machine that resembled a mini-submarine, made of bronze. In her other hand, she held a cord and a clear glass box, lined with what looked like tiny light bulbs. 

Convinced that she had caught her attention, Tinker set the mini-submarine in the water of the fountain. It’s motor got to work as Tinker connected the submarine to the glass box via the cord. She held up the box as it began to light up before flickering and dying out. Tinker’s victorious smile faded and her shoulders sunk. She had just lost her shot at greatness. Blinking back tears, she took her submarine out of the water, now only seeing it as a failed middle school science fair project. Lady Iskra however, applauded and praised her.

Tinker tilted her head. Was this woman mocking her? Or was it out of pity? Either way, she wasn’t happy, and tried to back away from the situation slowly.

“Where are you going, child?”

She froze in her tracks. Biting her lip anxiously and tugging at a red curl that wouldn’t leave her forehead she returned to her former position. “I know I didn’t make it.”

Lady Iskra looked appalled. “Who said such a thing? Why, out of all of the children I’ve encountered, you have by far shown the most potential!”

“But my experiment failed. I couldn’t conduct enough power to make electricity for more than a few seconds.”

“Potential doesn’t always mean automatic success,” Lady Iskra commented. “It means having the motivation, drive, interest, and talent to work for it. You’re the only one who has shown me that.”

Tinker’s eyes shined with hope. “So, am I your apprentice?”

Lady Iskra nodded and Tinker sighed with relief, nearly dropping to her knees trying to control herself. 

“You’ll change the world, child,” Lady Iskra chuckled.

The world became warped suddenly, images flashing and the floor spinning. Several memories replayed briefly before being replaced by another. Her birthday, Lady Iskra’s presentation of the Spyball with Tinker by her side, repairs on the building, before a hazy mist covered it all. Tinker panicked. Had she gone deaf? A crackling sound proved her wrong and she blew out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. But what was that sound?

________

Tinker jumped up suddenly as her hand heated up in pain. Tinker rubbed her eyes to take in her surroundings. Her stomach dropped and she struggled to get to her feet, back still aching from before. Fire. Fire everywhere. Tinker tried to limp around it, but fell face first into the flames. She smacked the left side of her face frantically, rolling on the only unburned portion of the room to put out the flames. Tinker cried in agony, which only made the pain worse. She pushed herself out of the doorway, screaming for Lady Iskra. When she received no response, she realized she must be trapped, too.

Thinking quickly, she made a beeline for the workshop where she could hear clattering, as well as the pleas of her mentor. Tinker staggered to the door, where she saw the outline of a man, fire dancing on his hands. It didn’t seem to affect him in any way.

“Please, don’t hurt me,” Iskra begged. The whole room, and most likely the entire tower, was full of flames, and Iskra coughed immensely.

“Jolie ordered something from you, and I’m not leaving until you give it to me,” Brant rasped.

“I don’t have any orders from a Jolie, I swear! You can check in the front!”

“Think I’m gonna fall for that? Listen, lady, I’ll burn this place down if you don’t hand me the order.”

Lady Iskra was about to respond when she spotted Tinker. Despite her instincts, she kept her eyes trained on her. 

The pyrokinetic turned around and grinned at Tinker menacingly. Iskra screamed for Tinker to run, and she tried, but Brant had a hand around her neck, choking her slightly. Brant called down a bit of Everblaze, bringing it close to Tinker’s face. 

“This your daughter, eh?”

Iskra tried to run towards Tinker, but Brant made a wall of fire between them as a sort of blockade. “It’s simple, really. Hand over the order and the girl gets away scot-free.”

Tinker looks up in time to see a large pipe get charred by flames and fall onto the wall, knocking a good chunk of it down. The tower’s structure was greatly threatened, and Tinker knew that if Iskra was going to make it out alive, she had to run now. “Behind you,” Tinker shouted. Iskra looked at the opening hesitantly. “Just go, I’ll catch up.”

Brant took this opportunity to further burn the left side of her face. “Useless girl,” he muttered, throwing her to the ground like she weighed nothing. Brant saw the oil that Tinker had failed to retrieve lying on its side. He smirked. Walking over the a fuel tank, and mixing it with the oil, he set it on fire, before running out to tackle Iskra, confident the child would be long dead. 

The fuel tank exploded, making Tinker’s ears ring and her vision double. Her hearing was muffled, and at this point, her body couldn’t process the pain. Her pathway blocked, she tried to make it to the front of the tower, where they accepted orders and sponsorships. Her senses were so dulled, she barely noticed the stinging pain of the fire. The right side of her face was fine, save for a few scratches and some minor burns, but the left side of her face felt heavy, as if it were sagging. Tinker’s right leg was in no shape to carry her, so she crawled until she reached the door.

She tried to push it open. It wouldn’t budge. Tinker was fully convinced that she was going to die. She felt as though she were under an iceberg trying to make it back to the surface before she ran out of air to breath. She cried for Lady Iskra, but, of course, she wouldn’t come running to her rescue. Not this time. Tinker grabbed a hammer from her utility belt and attacked the door, eventually succeeding in tearing it down. 

Once outside, Tinker didn’t look back at the burning place she once called home. No, instead she soldiered forward, until she made it to a lake a little bit away. She washed her face here, feeling the smallest bit of relief at the coolness of the water. She laid there a while, mind too foggy to think of anything other than rest. Everything else could wait. So she let herself be concealed by the shade of a tree as everything in her life slipped away from her desperate hands.

Taglist: @bookwyrminspiration @imaramennoodle @an-absolute-travesty @a-lonely-tatertot @linhammon-roll-bromance101 @percabetn @loverofallthingssmart @ anyone who wants to read this stuff

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[xb-squaredx]

B-Squared’s Top 10 Games of 2020

I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that having something to distract me from the genuine horrors unleashed during 2020 was vital to staying alive, and for me that means a lot of video games! I played…a lot of games last year, but I spent a lot of time playing older games, so I didn’t get a chance to check out a lot of high-profile games that launched this year. Still, I do want to shine a light on the games that managed to resonate with me even a little bit, that somehow managed to launch this year. So let’s get to it!

#10 – No Straight Roads

Rarely have I been struck by a single trailer for a game like I was for No Straight Roads. Produced by industry veterans under a new studio, this is a rare game that’s not quite an indie game from a studio full of newbies, but it’s also not produced with the same kind of budget and resources of a Triple-A project. What do we call this? A Double-A game? Single-A? Regardless, I have to give the team at Metronomik some props for delivering a super stylish game in the midst of a very challenging year. No Straight Roads is a rhythm-based action game where two up-and-coming musicians fight to bring back Rock and Roll to the people of Vinyl City. I absolutely adore this game’s presentation, with each major boss being visually unique and having their own feel that compliments the music they bring to battle. There’s some real energy in these animations with character designs that ooze personality, and being a game about music the soundtrack is great! All that being said though, I have to admit I wasn’t a huge fan of the gameplay when all was said and done. It leans way more on the rhythm side of the equation than I was hoping for, and the action felt very shallow. The fixed camera made some phases of some fights a real problem, and the Switch verison, which I played, is plagued with a lot of issues that really brought the game down for me. If the game interests you at all, give it a shot on PC or PS4; I hear those versions are a lot better. Still, I liked the potential I saw in this game and in this studio, so I can only hope they did well enough to continue on. This definitely feels like the kind of passion project that deserves more recognition.

#9 – Streets of Rage 4

OK, so full disclosure: I didn’t grow up with 2D beat-em-ups. I missed out on all of the greats of the genre back in the day. No Final Fight, no River City Ransom, no Double Dragon, and definitely no Streets of Rage. In more recent years I have tried to dip my toe in the genre, as I did in 2019 with River City Girls. However, I came away from that game a bit disappointed by the overall gameplay and wondered if 2D beat-em-ups were for me. Seeing so much praise heaped onto Streets of Rage 4 had me curious, so I knew I had to try it, if only to broaden my experience in the genre. In many ways, this game is the perfect sequel to a franchise that hasn’t seen any signs of new life in years. It retains what made the series beloved with satisfying combat and challenge, but with a modern touch. The overall art style of the game and music work out pretty well, and I found the act of comboing enemies to be really satisfying. It really doesn’t overstay its welcome either, which is very appreciated in an age of endless timesinks. I also struggled a fair bit with the game, even on Normal, and well after some patches that seemed designed for more casual fans like me. Had this game not had online co-op as an option, I don’t know if I could have beaten the final levels. So my time with this game was pretty rough but despite that I can still see this was a game made with care, and if this game DOES do something for you, there’s plenty of reasons to keep playing on higher difficulties, unlocking more characters and even playing online with friends. Let me put it this way; I’m not all that sure I like the genre and I still liked this game, so I think that counts for something!

#8 – The Wonderful 101: Remastered

…this one is kind of cheating, I’ll admit! I had a lot of trouble thinking up ten games that really stood out to me this year, honestly. That said, I’ll definitely use loopholes to plug one of my favorite games from years ago. Seven years ago, PlatinumGames launched The Wonderful 101 on the ill-fated Wii U, where it bombed harder than just about anything on the system. For those that gave the game a shot, however, they were quick to discover a deep, complex, and charming action game that plays like nothing else out there. Controlling a team of 100 heroes at once, players form weapons out of the various Wonderful One’s bodies, smacking around giant robots and aliens far larger than them with the power of teamwork! How could you not love that, right?! Now, years later, PlatinumGames is aiming to become more independent and their first act was launching a Kickstarter as a way to get this game on newer platforms. While we may never know why Nintendo gave Platinum their blessing to release this game on non-Nintendo platforms (being as this is still, as far as I know, a Nintendo-owned IP), I’m just glad more people can have access to one of the most unique action games I’ve ever touched.

To sell it another way, this game combines the overall aesthetic of Viewtiful Joe with the shape-drawing action of Okami but with a bit of Bayonetta flair on the side. Basically, this is the culmination of everything director Hideki Kamiya has ever worked on. The Remastered version fixes some issues present from the game’s original release, and while I do think they could have gone a bit further with some changes, it is likely the best way to play the game for many. All those sections that made heavy use of the Wii U GamePad are a tad awkward though, but that held true even back on the Wii U anyway…d-don’t worry so much about that, though! I’d still recommend this game to anyone looking for the type of over-the-top action that only Platinum (and occasionally Capcom) can provide! So please consider joining the Wonderful Ones and Unite Up!

#7 – Paper Mario: The Origami King

Discourse around the Paper Mario series is…more than a little rough, honestly! Many fans have been quite vocal about not liking the direction the series has been heading with the last few games, but I went into The Origami King with an open mind and ended up really enjoying the game for the most part! What the game lacked in a developed storyline, it made up for with some really strong character moments and memorable setpieces. Bobby and Olivia are among my favorite partners in ANY of the Mario RPGs, easily, and the entirety of the Great Sea section of the game was a really fun adventure. I love the highly-detailed paper-crafted enemies and locales, and the soundtrack really didn’t have to go as hard as it did. While the battles against common enemies didn’t quite click with me, the boss battles throughout the game constantly surprised me with interesting twists on the ring-based combat and are a real highlight for me. I know this game is pretty divisive amongst Paper Mario fans, but I think the franchise has a pretty bright future ahead of it!

#6 – DOOM Eternal

Fair warning here, but I haven’t quite managed to beat DOOM Eternal at the time of writing this, but what I’ve played so far tells me it definitely belongs here. I think Eternal is hands-down the most intense game I’ve played in a long time. It gets my blood pumping as I dash about, shooting and slicing through demons that are extremely eager to rip and tear me to pieces. I don’t play many shooters in general, so I knew I was going to be in for a rough time, but DOOM Eternal brings it to another level right away. In some respects, I don’t quite agree with various aspects of the core game design that makes the game harder than I think it needs to be at times. The scarcity of ammo, and thus the constant need to use the Chainsaw weapon in order to gain more ammo gets tiring, though that somewhat levels off as more weapons are acquired and players learn of more efficient ways to take out the hordes of Hell. The game’s fantastic soundtrack by Mick Gordon definitely elevates the experience, so it is a huge bummer knowing that he and ID Software had a falling out and he won’t be coming back. I really dig the game’s expansive levels and more focus being put on exploring every nook and cranny for secrets, and certain old-school touches like finding extra lives or cheat codes definitely makes the game feel like it was ripped out of a bygone era and given a modern paintjob at times. Doom is eternal, and with it, so is pulse-pounding shooting action!

#5 – Xenoblade Chronicles: Definitive Edition

Compared to the other re-release of an old game on this list, I think this particular title had a lot more time and care put into it…and it also happens to enhance one of my favorite games on Wii as a bonus! Xenoblade Chronicles on Wii was a game that almost passed me by but even years later, I still adored the characters and world it introduced, and I’ve been happy to see what started as game that was almost stuck in Japan eventually grow into a full franchise. I consider the first game to the best in the series, though it was held back by a few issues later games would iron out. Chief among the problems was the visuals, particularly the character models and…wow does ten years make a world of difference. The Definitive Edition does more than just clean up everyone’s faces, it also cleaned up the game’s cluttered UI, made it easier to track quests and materials for said quests, and added some fun optional challenge missions for veterans to tackle. The bow that adorns the top of this package, however, is the epilogue story Future Connected that serves to tie up some loose ends and gives a particular character some great closure. If you love massive worlds to explore, a compelling, at times over-the-top story, and a deep, rewarding combat system, I can’t recommend THIS version of THIS game enough. If you’re going to give the Xenoblade series a try, there’s no better place to start.

#4 – Ghost of Tsushima

When Ghost of Tsushima was first unveiled years ago, I didn’t exactly have a high opinion of it. It seemed like a game that put more emphasis on visuals over gameplay, and I was almost certain it would launch as a PS5 exclusive so why bother getting excited when I probably wasn’t going to be an early adopter of the system? To my great surprise, not only was this game confirmed for PS4, it wound up being one of the prettiest games on the platform and well-optimized to boot, even on my old slim PS4. Playing as lone samurai Jin Sakai, players try to repel the Mongel invasion of Japan, but are forced to adopt less-than-honorable tactics to take on this ruthless enemy. Usually when I play stealth games, I find myself frustrated. I feel weak, or limited, and often the games feel overly harsh. If you get caught once, game over and there’s little salvaging being seen. In Ghost of Tsushima however, there’s a great deal more care put into stealth, and at times I’d argue it’s almost too fun to pass up over the sword play. Very few missions in the game force you to go completely unseen, so stealth just because yet another tool rather than a limitation imposed on you.

Swordplay felt a bit less engaging against common enemies (typically just being Simon Says, switching to the appropriate stance for a given enemy), but the one-on-one duels throughout the game were fantastic and I almost wish the game was all about them instead. I can’t overstate how gorgeous this game is either, with a world that feels like it is breathing, as the wind whips through the tall grass, the moon penetrates fog overtaking a creepy forest, or seeing the smoke from an enemy camp wafting over the distance. Hands-down one of the best-looking games on the PS4, and I’m particularly happy that developer Sucker Punch managed to land a hit with a new IP, as those generally feel more risky as times go on. While I’d argue that Ghost of Tsushima doesn’t really redefine how open-world games should be designed, it is an extremely polished experience and manages to do it well, with plenty of opportunities to grow in a potential sequel.

#3 – Animal Crossing: New Horizons

If there’s any one game that people absolutely needed in 2020, it was Animal Crossing: New Horizons. While there are other games of this type, like Stardew Valley or the Harvest Moon (and later, Story of Seasons games), Animal Crossing is one of the few games that gets mainstream attention while simultaneously running counter to most mainstream gaming trends. No conflict, no combat, no overarching story really…just a game that lets you live your live, day by day on your own terms. I tried getting into the series before with New Leaf but just didn’t stick with it, but New Horizons launched at the perfect time in an imperfect world. Being able to escape the uncertainty and dread that enveloped the world as the pandemic spread for even a little while was a necessity, and thankfully New Horizons had plenty to do to keep idle hands busy. Changes like item crafting and eventually limited terraforming of your island paradise give players so much more agency in decorating their homes and building up something they can be proud of.

We all start as nothing but a small tent on a mostly-empty island, but seeing what people were able to do even in the first few weeks or so was nothing short of amazing. We need more unflinchingly wholesome games in the world, and I’m thankful for Animal Crossing for being there when we needed it, and considering how well it sold and how much post-launch content is expected to be added with time, it remains a sanctuary to return to even now. Just…please let us craft in bulk? Pretty please, Nintendo?

#2 – Hyrule Warriors: Age of Calamity

Last year, Nintendo released Astral Chain, a game that no one knew about before release, which was revealed and released with very little gaps between them. It was a game I didn’t know I wanted until it was presented to me, and that trend continues this year with Hyrule Warriors: Age of Calamity. The first Hyrule Warriors was a fun, surprising spin-off of the main Legend of Zelda series, and Breath of the Wild was a fantastic game that shook up the core of the Zelda franchise, so in hindsight it really does seem like a no-brainer to combine the two into one package. Age of Calamity, for my tastes at least, cuts down on the repetition and overall stressful atmosphere of the first Hyrule Warriors and instead focused on fleshing out it’s core combat and crafting more creative main storyline missions. It helps that the game reimagines iconic locales from Breath of the Wild from before their destruction, and really makes you feel like you’re fighting through actual places rather than just a collection of random keeps that most Warriors games use.

Bringing in aspects like the Sheikiah Slate and Elemental Rods allows players to control the flow of combat more directly on top of letting them be more creative. Freeze enemies standing over water with the Cryonis rune or burn some grass with the Fire Rod to distract certain enemies, among many other things. Each playable character is also very distinct, even in cases where I could have forgiven the developers for reusing some attacks or traits. For one, Link has different movesets for his Sword and Shield, Spear, and Two-Handed weapons, but none of his attack overlap with the other Champions who use similar weapons. Some people might be put off with certain aspects of this game’s story and ultimately not everyone likes the overall structure of the Warriors spinoffs anyway, but for my part, Age of Calamity was one of the best surprises of the year, unveiled right at the end of the year in the nick of time. Of course, there was one game this year that surprised me more than any other.

#1 – Hades

I’ve known of Supergiant Games for quite a while and very recently began looking through their catalogue of games. They’re known for well-crafted narratives and satisfying combat, and yet when I first saw Hades when it was released in Early Access I was tepid on it. It didn’t look bad or anything, but it didn’t exactly blow me away and even now, I think a random screenshot or quick clip of the game might not do the game justice in explaining the appeal. I already wrote about the game at-length (as my only real non-retrospective blog post of the year, oops!), which you can read here if you want more in-depth praise, but to summarize…Hades is the total package for me.

Playing as Prince Zagreus your end-goal is to escape the puts of Hell, and more specifically get away from your overbearing father, Hades. It’s a rogue-lite, meaning you’re expected to finish the game in one shot and if you die you lose any upgrades you picked up along the way and have to start from scratch…to a point. Hades does allow you to keep a fair amount of items you pick up which can towards small, permanent upgrades or even gifts for various NPCs that can deepen your bond with them. Unlike most other games of this type too, the story constantly moves forward, even after death. The game is about dying over and over and then dusting yourself off to try again, all the while other characters remark on your progress or lack thereof. I grew to really enjoy this cast of characters, a fun spin on the Greek pantheon, paired with excellent voice acting for the entire cast. From the imposing, if somewhat sultry Megaera, to the nervous wreck that is the maid, Dusa, to the pompous ass Theseus, I looked forward to each new run just to learn more about this world and those within it. For once, death wasn’t really a punishment, but a reward, and just part of the process.

Of course, incredibly satisfying combat is ALSO part of the process and it just gets…addicting; muttering “one more run” over and over as you try out different weapons and boons, discovering what works well together and what doesn’t. While at first beating the game felt like it would never happen, I grew from my failures, adapted and eventually overcame. Multiple times. If you want the “full” Hades experience, this game can really demand a lot of time out of you but at the same time it stays fresh, so I can’t really complain. With new gameplay mechanics unlocking as time goes on, to the Pacts of Punishment players can trigger if they want a bit more challenge (or a lot more), Hades is that rare game that just keeps giving and giving. Before I knew it, I had dumped well over 50 hours into it, and I STILL need to get back to the game if I want that epilogue.

Compared to every other game that came out this year, Hades is the one game that grabbed me from moment one and would not let go until I hit credits. When I wasn’t playing this game, I was counting down the minutes until I could play it again, and let me tell you that is rare for me these days. At this point, Hades is clearly the breakthrough hit for Supergiant and I couldn’t be happier. The fact that this game got to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with industry titans at The Game Awards is kind of surreal, but I can’t think of many who deserve that recognition more. It helps that Supergiant is a studio that actually takes care of its employees, which is way rarer than it should be. I don’t mean to hype this game up like it’s the cure for COVID or anything, but I mean it with all my heart that this was the best game I played this year, and I’d recommend it in a heartbeat. I couldn’t stop talking about it for months after playing it, just ask my friends! So yeah, it’s pretty OK I guess.

CONCLUSION

I’m sure my Top 10 List looks a lot different from most out there, but that’s what’s great about games! So much variety and so much quality no matter where you look! Every year, without fail, there’s always at least a small handful of games that come out that I don’t get to, and try as I might I’ll never trim that backlog down. I want to keep playing games for as long as I can, trying out so many different experiences and seeing what this wonderful pastime can offer. For a good chunk of 2020 I was more than a little down, not just because of…you know, but a lot of games that were coming out weren’t appealing to me. That said, seeing as this was the year of shadow drops and announcing things at the last minute, I ended up loving a bunch of games I hadn’t already spend months hyping myself up for, which definitely helped to lift me up this year. Already, 2021 has a lot of titles I’m anticipating though, so it’s sure to be an exciting year.

Happy Gaming.

-B

[i-ghd]

Pembrokeshire, county of castles, coves and film star sands.

The eye was piercing. The gaze was imperious. The message an unspoken “Do you know who’s in control around here?” Eventually, of course, the human in boots, inching forward as quietly as he could along the Pembrokeshire Coast Path, prevailed over the haughty feathered hunter perched on a fence post.

I was no more than 15 feet away, with the summit of nearby Carn Llidi as a backdrop, when the sparrowhawk very reluctantly gave way. It lifted off and, after a few grudging wing beats, alighted again about six posts along.

In the space of ten minutes, as I moved slowly forward, it repeated this procedure: lift off, lazy flutter of wings and perch again, about fives times, before cutting back in a wide arc across the field to roughly where I first met it.

The guidebooks tell you to look down from the cliffs for seals, porpoises, dolphins and to the windy space between land and sea for choughs, those comical blackbird-size birds with red legs. But not a word about this top predator, which had clearly dined so well on the local singbirds that it scarcely needed to move. (The birds sang on, despite the predations.) 

Approach this national trail as you might a long, detailed menu in a restaurant, one with a wide choice of starters, many of them a meal in itself. There are also some main courses, specialities of this county, and you will want to sample one or two of them. However you would need a giant’s appetite to consume the whole 186-miles, still less the entire 870 miles Wales Coast Path, of which this is only a section.

Let’s start with those appetizers. (The sparrow hawk would be in the “today’s specials” section.) I stayed at the county’s western end, on its final thrust towards Ireland. As the chough flies, Waterford is closer than Cardiff.

Hearabouts any three to five mile stretch contains many permutations. The trail twists, it lurches, it plunges, it turns severely back on itself then climbs steeply down into and up out of tiny coves. Little tumbling streams cross your path. Banks dense with foxgloves enclose your way. A flower strewn meadow ends in a sudden sheer drop down to waves boiling over jagged rocks. The view constantly changes. Nothing stays the same on this path for more than a few minutes.

I did an idle measurement on Google Maps afterwards. Made into a straight line the Pembrokeshire Path would stretch here roughly from London, 198 miles away. In 2010, duly impressed, National Geographic Magazine judged this the second best coastal destination in the world, just behind the Avalon Peninsula in Newfoundland, Canada.

Every three or four miles, over much of the western end at least, there is a convenient pause, in the shape of an attractive little harbour, and there’s a fair chance it is served by the coastal bus.

This part of the coast was bristling with unexpected, at least to me, industrial history. We think of the Welsh valleys studded with smokestacks and pit heads, but there is the evidence of long and serious industry in this quiet backwater. The clues that somewhere, such as Abereiddi, was once very busy is in the eroded remains of labourers’ cottages. In other places those that stood up long enough after the decline are now holiday cottages.

We dropped down into Porthgain, an industrial powerhouse  in its day. The roads of England were paved with crushed dolerite processed here. Now gentrification is complete. The main industrial building is now the Shed Fish and Chip Bistro. On our visit no fewer than ten Norwegian-registered vintage MG sportscars were neatly parked on the quayside.

The drivers and passengers were in the Shed, where they may well have been enjoying the exquisite if expensive fresh crab sandwiches, sold at prices Chiswick visitors would recognize. We ordered the same at the Sloop Inn opposite. We were perfectly positioned, some time later, to see the MGs set off in orderly convoy on the road to Fishguard.

The coast continues like this for miles, with a spot of strenuous striding, frequent heart-lifting views, tantalising glimpses of islands big and small just off the coast. Here and there an encounter with a profound religious past, in the ruined chapel and well of St David’s mother St Non, for example.

There are other, bigger harbours. In Solva the man in the car park handed out leaflets promoting all the little art craft shops, restaurants and guest houses. The Dutch and German cars underline the county’s appeal to a discerning international market – the drivers were not there for the weather.

And so to those landscape “main courses” I mentioned. On the path from the lifeboat station at St Justinians, heading north, I am suddenly above a wide, flat,  sandy beach where somebody had expertly drawn a vast jellyfish, so big it could only be seen to proper effect from 200 yards up, on the footpath.

Pembrokeshire’s beaches are now an international hot property.  Hollywood could have chosen some enchanted strand on Bali or Hawaii as the location where Kristen Stewart thunders through the surf with 80 muscular extras on horseback in the 2012 movie ”Snow White and the Huntsman”. Instead the studios chose the wide, flat, golden film-star sands, perfectly smoothed by the outgoing tide, of Marloes Sands, on southern Pembrokeshire, even if they did computer-generate an extravagant outburst of fairy-tale towers on the conveniently flat-topped Gateholm Island, which stands just yards off the headland.

Marloes first broke into the movies in 1967 when The  Lion in Winter was filmed here. Whitesands was used in the BBC4 Richard II. 

In 2010 Hollywood came to another Pembrokeshire beach, Freshwater West. Ridley Scott had filmed Robin Hood there, with Russell Crowe. The filmmakers built higgledy-piggledy Shell Cottage there for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. The beach is clearly visible in the film. You will find no trace that the scrupulously tidy film makers were ever there. It’s the same at Marloes, left just as they found it.

You could easily construct a week or ten day holday around this sublime coastland, mixing up walks with boat trips to Skomer or Ramsey, dining out in the many harbour pubs on fresh local fish. The coast path has been conveniently cut up into 200 bite-size local walks, some of them circular.

One took us a few miles inland to St Davids, which is Britain’s smallest city, by virtue of the cathedral. We arrived early to benefit from its remoteness. Most day trippers, coming from afar, don’t get there until well on in the morning. We came across the intimate little cathedral, nestling in a green valley, well before the throng.

In the nave we had plently of room for some entry-level surveying, measuring the startling incline on the spirit level app on my daughter’s smartphone. It is almost two degrees.

St David’s has an understated nobility, because of its size and unusual position. On a scale of conspicuous cathedrals, Lincoln would be a 10. St David’s would be a 1. It was a steep climb up to the city, in reality a pleasant little town, where we gave in to the Italian charms of  the Bench cafe for coffee and ice cream.

Until the early 1800s Pembrokeshire would have been as remote by land as some European cities were for a traveler starting out from London. Railways opened the county up, and oil at Milford Haven and the Irish boat traffic through Fishguard Harbour ensured the rail links survived even in the bleak post-Beeching era.

The trains helped build Tenby into as gracious a Victorian resort as Whitby or Ilfracombe. Novelist George Eliot was inspired enough by her visit to this perfect little resort in 1856 to take up writing. It has been a destination of rare distinction ever since.

A cordon of high, narrow Georgian and Victorian town houses in delicate pastel colours still wraps around Tenby’s sea front. To dodge the wind you either head to the sandy beach on the town’s north flank, or, if it’s blowing from the other direction, seek out the little harbour to the south.

Praise, then, for frequent services direct from Manchester deep into Pembrokeshire, connecting with services from London and the west and south.

It’s still the case, of course, that most visitors drive here. They will find the car necessary for visiting the centre of the county where the excellent bus service doesn’t reach.

Pembroke, is technically on the coast. The tide probes almost under the walls of the castle where  Henry Tudor, who became Henry VII, was born in 1457, (It was restored to its formidable Norman pomp after a crumbly, ivy-covered interlude in the 1900s.) But it feels like an inland town.

The castle, proud and imposing above this ancient town, is just one the county’s rich crop of citadels, The list includes Manorbier, Cilgerran, Haverfordwest, Lamphey, Llawhaden, and Picton castles. There are over 50 all told, if you include forts and the reconstructed 600 BC Iron Age citadel Castell Henllys. Leading the list is Carew Castle. It overlooks a serene millpond, with a 11th century Celtic Cross and Wales’s only restored Tidal Mill. Narberth is another appealing little castle town. If you buy the Welshcakes in Waitrose, they come from here.

[thebookkeeperslibrary]

Lost Time: Chapter 1

Fandom: Time Warp Trio

Author: The_Bookkeeper_96

Rating: T

Summary: Another summer at Horae Manor begins, but before Joe and Tessa get the chance to train, they are sent out on a mission to explore the magic capital of the universe, Mancika. Rumors of illegal magic conversion spread throughout the city, and Joe and Tessa need to locate those responsible. But after the events of last summer, Joe isn't eager to work with his Aether partner, and the two are struggling more with each other than with their enemies.

A/N: It’s finally here! And I even got it up before the end of the year like I said I would. Enjoy!

I’m trying out a slightly different writing style this time around, so please let me know what you think!

Read on AO3

-----

Preview:

"It is said that all the Greats are connected. Some even believe they are one soul inhabiting nine bodies that is reincarnated every generation. I, however, in studying the history of the most closely connected Greats, those that control Aether and Time, believe that they are not one soul. Rather, they are inimitable individuals who are highly bonded to one another through the magics that unite us all. However, there is evidence to suggest that the Greats possess the ability to communicate with the Greats of the past."  Excerpt from A History of the Horae Greats, Introduction by Petra Abell

Last night I dreamt I was a king again. At least, I assume I was a king. I suppose I could have been an emperor or a lord or something, but I'm going to go with king for now.

As always, the dream starts like any other dream, a bunch of nonsensical scenes that somehow make sense while you're asleep, but when you wake up, you realize how crazy it all was. This time, I only got to enjoy a few bites of delicious marshmallow pizza with Babe Ruth before I was pulled away into the throne room.

The room looks the same as it always does. I sit up high on a marble throne painted green. There are nine other thrones spread out on either side of me all painted different colours. On the floor beneath me, an intricately carved flower is engraved into the tile.

I have no idea what kind of flower it's supposed to be. A lotus, maybe? I don't pay enough attention in biology class to know all my plants. And it's not like knowing that kind of stuff is going to help me out in life anyway. Sam would disagree and argue that everything we learn in school is important, why else would they teach it to us?

I am not alone in the throne room, and unfortunately, it's not Babe Ruth with the rest of our pizza. Instead, I gaze forward and see a long line of people each holding a random object. One man is holding a golden trophy. A woman farther down the line is leaning on a grandfather clock. The first person in line is holding an hourglass, the sand slowing slipping into the bottom. That's the only thing that changes with these dreams. The hourglass seems fuller and fuller every night. For a time traveller, that might be a bad omen. For the future Warp Wizard, it's definitely a bad omen.

One by one, the people in line vanish into nothing starting at the back of the line. They all fade until it's just me and the hourglass holder. I open my mouth to ask them all of my questions, but no sound comes out.

Sometimes, we stare at each other for what feels like hours. Other times, only a few minutes. But the dream always ends the same way.

The room darkens, shrinking down on us. The darkness creeps closer and closer until it's suffocating me, and I wake with a scream.

---

My body lurches up, my hand flying to my chest to make sure my heart is still inside. I take several steadying breaths as I glance around my room. Everything is exactly the way I left it the night before. Clothes in a messy pile by the door, backpack flung under my desk, and The Book sits on my nightstand, unopened.

Sighing in relief, I fall back onto my pillow. How many people wake up each day and are glad to stop dreaming?

I blindly fumble around for my phone and eventually find it on the floor. Before I even turn the screen on, I know exactly what time it is: eight thirty-six. If I really concentrate I can feel the seconds tick by. My phone screen blares to life and confirms what I already know.

After a whole year of being "magically awakened", all I have to show for it is always knowing the time and having disturbingly bright green eyes that practically glow in the dark.

My eyes wander back to The Book, landing on two small slips of paper sticking out of the top. Without thinking about it, I pull them out and read the words that I've seen a hundred times before.

Dear Joe,

Sorry to leave in mid-warp. I had some urgent business to attend to.

~ Uncle Joe

P.S. Congratulations on graduating to the next level! You are now a time page.

The edges of the letter are worn thin and torn. The pocket watch that came with my promotion rests next to The Book. Uncle Joe's been missing for over a year, and despite my best efforts, I can't find any clues as to where he is. It's becoming harder to believe he's okay and still alive.

I grind my teeth together. I know he's alive. My uncle is too clever and good at magic to be dead. He's just busy on some magic mission or something. Maybe even fighting off my other uncle, Mad Jack, who's also been MIA the past year.

I unfold the other piece of paper I keep stored in The Book. The gold script on the invitation is just as dazzling as it was when I first opened it last summer. I don't look at this one as often, other than a few random attempts to warp back to Horae Manor, it pretty much stays in my book.

Dear Mr. Joseph Arthur,

We would like to formally invite you and your closest friends to Horae Manor. A place for the magically inclined and gifted. Where people like you can learn to hone your craft.

We request that you join us at your earliest convenience. Time is of the essence.

Sincerely, 

WW

Now that normal school is officially done for the year, I'm going back to Horae Manor soon. Soon as in today, and I have no idea how I'm supposed to get there. Hopefully, the letter will do its thing again, and Fred, Sam, and I will just be warped there. But something told me that wasn't going to work this time. Rowena and Cassius probably expected me to warp myself there, maybe like some kind of test? To see if I'd been practising my time magic while I was away or reading any of the books Cassius lent me.

Had I been practising my magic? Yes, not that I'd had any real progress. Had I read any of the books Cas told me to? Yes. Well… not exactly. To be fair, I did skim through them, but there was a lot to read and take in. My normal school teachers wouldn't really understand if I skipped out on their assigned homework to do magic homework instead. Not that I could ask them to find out. I really hope my summer at Horae doesn't start with a pop quiz.

Maybe I could do a little last-minute cramming before it was time to go. I have a lot to learn if I want to catch up with Tessa.

The thought of my Aether partner makes me frown. She had gotten to Horae first because my letter had been sent to the wrong person. She also seemed to be just naturally gifted with magic. She could already tear herself pretty much anywhere she wanted and could manipulate space to create mazes to confuse and trap people. People like me.

I think back on everything that had happened last summer. Had I overreacted with Tessa? Maybe a little, but she had proven herself to be untrustworthy and selfish. We went from friends to enemies pretty quickly after that. Part of me wishes I could change out partners. I really don't want to be stuck with Tessa for the rest of my life. 

I collapse back on my bed with a heavy sigh. This summer hasn't even started yet, and I'm already done with it.

---

Time passes by quicker than I want it to. Maybe Cas can show me how to change that. Before I know it, it's after four in the afternoon and Fred and Sam are knocking on my door. Like always, Fred saunters into the room without waiting for a reply.

I shut the book that I've been staring at all day, the words still swimming before my eyes. I'd barely made a dent in it. Cas had given me five thick books packed with magical knowledge. There was a whole other world out there filled with magic users, literally. It was called Mancika. And there are more kinds of magic than just space and time. There are ten in total. Or was it nine? All the details were blurred together in my mind. I somehow had even more questions than I did before I started learning about magic and reading about its history.

I slipped the book into my backpack along with all the others I didn't read. My Warp Wizard mentor will not be happy with me.

I turn around to greet my friends, but Fred beats me to it. "Hey, dude. How excited are you right now? I am so ready to get back to Horae Manor. Man, I bet Cassius and Rowena have some amazing magic kung-fu skills they're going to show us this year. I mean, you guys saw how well Arwen fought off that drake last summer. I can't wait to kick some magic monster butt."

I shake my head at him. "You just can't stand that a Red Sox fan is stronger and cooler than you."

His cheeks flush. "She is not!"

"Sure."

Fred crashes on to my bed, mumbling something to himself that I can't fully hear. But I'm sure it's something about how much the Red Sox suck, and why anyone would be a fan of them over the Yankees is insane.

I nod to Sam, who smiles at me in greeting. "I'm actually pretty excited to head back too. Did you know Horae Manor has a library? I can't wait to learn about all the science of magic and history of it all."

"The science of magic?" I raise an eyebrow at him. "I don't think there is any science. It's magic. Kinda the opposite."

"Of course there's science. Nothing can break the rules of physics. Not even magic."

I roll my eyes, deciding not to argue. With Sam, you can't really convince him that he's wrong.

I grab the letter off my desk, hoping for something to happen. Of course, nothing does. Time to face the other problem I've been avoiding: how to get back to Horae Manor.

"You don't know how to get us there, do you?" Sam asks, guessing my thoughts.

I blush. "I totally do. I just need a second to, uh, figure out how to do it."

"We're never going to get back there, are we?" Fred turns to Sam, who nods in response.

"Hey! I can do this. I am the future Warp Wizard after all. Just give me a moment."

"And what I great Warp Wizard you'll be," Sam sighs.

"Oh, I don't know, I think with a little training Joe could be a great Warp Wiz. Of course, with me by his side, we'd be a swell pair," a new voice says.

We all jump. I slam my knee against the bottom of my desk, hissing in pain, and gingerly try to massage it away. My eyes narrow at the intruder. A mix of emotions fight it out in my chest. Anger ultimately wins out.

Tessa giggles from where she's perched on my window. "Missed you too, bunny."

"How did you get here?" Fred asks.

"The same way I get around everywhere. Magic. Duh." She flips her auburn hair over her shoulder and slides into my room. Her eyes roam around, inspecting everything, and land on my Houdini poster. "Cute," is all she says. Whatever, it's not like I care what she thinks. 

"Thanks," I say dryly. "Why are you here?"

She spreads her arms out wide, ever the showwoman. Her signature red leather jacket is like a cape on her. "Isn't it obvious? I'm your ride to Horae Manor. Seeing as you and Cas haven't started any real training yet, you can't exactly warp yourself there."

I press my lips together and decide to keep quiet. This summer, I'm going to start my magic training, and by the end of it, I'll be just as good as her. No, better than her. I had so many questions for Cas, and I'll finally be practising magic. Real magic. Tricks that I can use to find Uncle Joe.

"So, are you ready to go? Cas is kind of a bluenose when it comes to being on time. As if he can't just make more of it." Tessa rolls her eyes.

I sling my backpack over my shoulder and stand up. "Yeah, I guess." truthfully, I'm just as excited as Fred and Sam are to return, but I'm not planning on letting my guard down around Tessa. I square my shoulders and stare at my Aether partner. We're supposed to be partners for life, but neither of us signed up for this. We can be civil with each other, but until I know I can trust her, I have no desire to be her friend.

She stares back, frowning. I almost feel bad for her. Almost. "Are you going to be like this all summer?" she asks, guessing my thoughts. "You know we're stuck with this for the rest of our lives, right?" She gestures between the two of us, referring to our Great Wizard commitment. "And I did apologize."

Fred wraps his arm around my shoulders, pushing me over with his sudden weight. "Joe will be fine. He's just a little butt-hurt over everything that happened last time. He'll get over it."

I shove his arm off of me. "We should get going. It's already four thirty-six."

"What? No exact second this time?" Sam teases me, drawing attention to my weird ability.

I look down at the ground and can feel my face heat up. So far, none of my new abilities had proven useful for anything other than being teased by my supposed friends.

Tessa tilts her head, her purple eyes never leaving my green ones. "Would you like to know our exact latitude and longitude coordinates right now? Or how about our exact position within the infinite space-time continuum?" She shrugs. "Knowing what time it is seems better than that. At least you'll never be late to anything."

"And yet, he was still tardy to math class almost every day this semester."

I shoot a glare at Sam, mainly to distract myself from Tessa. Coming to my defence now means nothing. "Can we just go already?"

Tessa pulls out her sabre, the Focus she uses whenever she tears. "Fine by me. I'm starving, and they'll be serving dinner soon enough."

I can practically see Fred's mouth watering. He remembers the feast from last summer just as well as I do. To be fair, I don't think I've ever had more delicious food in my life.

Encouraged by the growls in our stomachs, Sam, Fred, and I stand next to Tessa, ready to be pulled into our next adventure.

[urdbell18]

A Seed Hidden in the Heart Chapter 19: The One With the Dog

Wow I'm shocked that I was able to finish this chapter but I did! Yay me! But speaking up as you guys know two of the busiest retail holidays are coming up, Thanksgiving and Christmas. It means that I'm not going to have as much time as before to write my chapters so if my updates are a little slow that's why and I apologize. I just wanted to give you guys fair warning and thanks for understanding. Enjoy!

In the summer months Zelda took a job at the local college. The position was temporary, ending just before regular school started once again but it gave her something to do and a little more money over the summer than the packet that she got when school ended. When she collected her last paycheck Mr. Hawthorne said in so many words that she was getting a little bonus because of the several high scores that her students received. It turned out making her students taking that college level test paid off for her in the end. Mr. Hawthorne took all the credit of course. Zelda couldn’t bring herself to care anymore. Her work schedule was Monday and Friday mornings and Monday and Wednesday afternoon so the earliest she’s ever had to go in was nine and the latest she’d be there was almost 5. It worked well enough for her.

The time that she was at the school Vida was with Mary. Together she and Mary came up with activities that they could do with Vida over the summer. The aquarium and the zoo were on the list because they were things that Vida did and loved and wanted to do again but there were others like some crafts, swimming, and a small local theme park, Vida was excited about that one the most. Bust most of the time Mary kept it simple, spending time at home reading or going to the park. They spent a lot of time at the park. Sometimes Zelda would join them for lunch, usually on Mondays or Fridays but she could pull it off on Wednesdays if she wanted to. Wednesdays were usually the days that Mary and Vida went to Zelda, they would have lunch in the cafe before Zelda had to go to her next class.

It was during one park outing where Vida and Mary met him.

It was early June. The weather was nice but not stifling like July and August would be. Everything was still vibrant with color, the grass, the trees, and the flowers, all brightly colorful swaying in the gentle summer breeze. With it still being nice Mary and Vida took a walk.

There was a jogging path right next to the park and when it was nice like it was that day they walked the path. Vida liked looking at the flowers and Mary just like the soft exercise and time with Vida. Vida was curious about everything, Mary told her what she could like what a certain flower or tree was called and Mary loved how Vida would stop and watch the movements of the current bug or small creature, mostly squirrels, that caught her attention. On that day they were halfway through the walking path when a rustling of leaves from a nearby shrub caught their attention. Out of fear Vida moved behind Mary as the rustling grew louder until a dog appeared out  into the open.

The dog was between medium and small. It was long like a dachshund or a corgi but just slightly taller than either of those breeds. The dog had all the markings of the hound breed, short fur with a white belly, muzzle, and paws and brown and black patches all along its body but Mary couldn’t tell if it was a beagle or a basset hound. The dogs muzzle was too short for either of those breeds but its ears were very beagle-ish. The dog saw them and its tail starts wagging, causing his whole body to wiggle, mouth open to let its tongue roll out to one side.

“It’s a puppy!” Before Mary could stop her Vida was running to the dog. Though it seemed friendly Mary knew that could change in a snap but this dog stayed friendly. It ran in circles around Vida before standing on its hind legs licking anywhere he can reach. Vida giggled even as the dog knocked her to the ground. Mary approached the dog with caution, the dog looked at her and sniffed her legs when she was close enough. He craned his neck hoping for some head pats. “Can we keep him Mamma!?”

“We don’t know where he came from.” Taking advantage of the dog butting his head against her hand Mary felt the dog's neck hoping to feel for a collar. She didn’t find one, which didn’t really mean anything but it just meant that it would be harder to get the dog to follow them. Mary took the belt from her jeans and the ribbon from Vida’s dress to fashion a leash and make shift collar. The dog allowed Mary to wrap the belt around its middle, the belt was too thick to hold in place around the dogs short neck. After securing the ribbon to the collar Mary took two tentative steps to see if the dog would follow. He just stood there, wagging his tail like nothing was wrong. “Come here boy.” Mary tried to coax the dog but he didn’t budge. After a few minutes Vida took the slices of watermelon she was saving to lure the dog. It worked, the dogs nose twitched as it tried to keep up with the scent of the watermelon that was in Vida’s hands. Sometimes when the dog was close Vida would let the dog take a bite before moving more away. When she was down to her last slice they made it back to the main opening of the park. What was going on in the large side field gave Mary a good feeling on where the dog came from.

In a field that was sometimes used for soccer was currently holding what looked like a little fair. It was an adoption fair for a local animal shelter. There were dogs of various kinds and sizes in pens and a board with pictures of other animals, like cats and rabbits, that couldn’t be at the event but were also available for adoption. Naturally people flocked the fair, surrounding the pens to awe over the dogs. In the sea of people Mary located a volunteer for the shelter due to the light blue shirts they wore with the shelter name on one side and volunteer on the other. Mary approached a girl who looked to be in her late teens or early twenties with long black hair that she tied back in a ponytail.

“Excuse me.”

“Yes?” The girl turned around and before Mary could ask her next question the girls green eyes lit up at the sight of the dog that was still trying to get the last few bites of watermelon from Vida. “Vinegar Tom! You found him! Thank you so much. He got loose when we were setting up. Bad boy.” Taking a slip leash the volunteer slipped it over the dog’s neck so that Mary could detach the belt.

“Vinegar Tom? That’s an interesting name.”

“Yeah. Sometimes we rename the animals when they come in. I’m a history major and I reviewed the play for a paper I was doing at the time. Vinegar Tom came in on my first day almost a year ago and I don’t know something just felt right about the name.” There was an empty pen not that far away so the volunteer placed Vinegar Tom inside, scratching his head in comfort. “Thank you again for bringing him back. We have a new volunteer who’s never done an adoption fair before and he kind of lost control over a few of the dogs and he slipped away. Actually, now that I think about it Vinegar Tom has never done that before.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Tom’s really sweet but he’s usually not so energetic like this. I always think that he would fit in so well with a single person or a small family but whenever he’s considered for adoption he just… stands there or lays there not doing anything. It’s why he keeps getting turned down every time. It’s kind of depressing.” Vinegar Tom was pressed against the wire of the pen licking Vida’s fingers.

“We best be going. Vida.” Vida turned to her, she looked reluctant to move away from her new friend.

“Bye Vinegar Tom.” That’s when Vinegar Tom started to whine. He sat down on his hind legs and looked at both Mary and Vida with his big brown eyes. Vida in turn looked at Mary, jutting her lip out in a quivering pout. Between the pathetic whines of the dog and the look that Vida fixed her Mary could feel her resolve slowly dissolving away.

“What do we do to adopt?” The soft look that the volunteer gave Mary was matched with the squeal that came from Vida and the happy barks of Vinegar Tom. As Mary filled out the form Vida and Vinegar Tom played, mostly Tom rolling on his stomach while Vida gave him belly rubs. Though Mary loved to make Vida happy and Vinegar Tom was cute a cold feeling tickled in the back of her mind.

Zelda was going to kill her.

_____________________

Zelda arrived home a little after five. She had a staff meeting where all seasonal staff members were given some general info about the short semester. This wasn’t anything new to Zelda but it was necessary. In the end she couldn’t really complain because she got out the same time Hilda got off work that day so she swung by to pick her sister and niece, Sabrina saw some movie with her friends, before heading home. Everything seemed normal, Zelda had just enough time to place her keys on the table before Vida ran into her.

“Mommy! Mommy! Guess what!?” Zelda smiled at her daughter’s enthusiasm. Vida took so much joy out of anything that it truly was a guess on what made her so happy this time.

“What Vida?”

“We got a puppy!”

“You what?” Zelda might not have wanted it to come out so harshly, but out of everything that she expected that wasn’t one of them. As if on cue a dog came bounding into the entrance hall. He lost his footing on the hardwood floors, slipping and half flopping onto the floor, but it didn’t stop him. He came to a full stop in front of Zelda, sitting almost at her feet and wagging his tail so hard his whole body was wiggling. Though Zelda looked at the dog dumbfounded Hilda and Sabrina awed and surrounded the creature to shower him with affection. “Vida where’s you Mamma.” Vida pointed in the general direction of the kitchen before returning her attention back to the dog. Zelda stormed off not giving the scene before her a second glance, Mary had some serious explaining to do. “You got a dog!?” Mary’s shoulders hunched over and she turned around to face Zelda, whipping her lips from of excess tea. Apparently Zelda surprised her mid sip. Mary placed her cup in the sink before placing them on the counter.

“Don’t be mad.”

“I have every right to be mad. You got a dog without consulting me first.”

“You weren’t there. Vida fixed me with this look.” Mary mimicked the look before continuing. “How was I supposed to say no to that?”

“You’re going to have to because the last thing that I want is for this house to become a glorified petting zoo.”

“It’s not. I doubt something like this is going to happen again. It might sound cliche but I think Vinegar Tom chose us.”

“The dogs name is Vinegar Tom?”

“One of the volunteers is a history major. Anyway, the one day that the dog went against his usual behavior is the day that Vida and I were in the park. The volunteer even said that he showed no interest in anyone except Vida. So here we are.” Zelda sighed through her nose. She really didn’t want the dog but Vida was attached she couldn’t say no now.

“He’s your responsibility.” With that Zelda turned on her heel out of the kitchen. Hilda, Sabrina, and Vida were still in the entryway with the dog. They were throwing some kind of soft toy for the dog to fetch. Zelda just rolled her eyes and went up the stairs to her room. She refused to have any part of this.

___________________________

It has been about a week since Vinegar Tom joined his new family and he could safely say that he’s never been happier. He yawned and stretched before stepping out of his basket. His madam got him his basket along with his toys when he first came and he genuinely loved them. He always made sure that he kept his ball next to his basket and his lamb close to him. He went to his water bowl for a small drink and then rang the small bell that was attached to the door. He didn’t need to go out, he just liked ringing the bell. Satisfied, he left the kitchen to the stairs. There was a lot of them and he climbed them as best as he could. He wasn’t used to stairs but anything to be close to his people. Still learning his way around he used the scent of his people to find their location. When he reached the door he gently pushed it open with his nose. In one bed there was his madam and mistress, he tried to climb up but it was too high. In another bed was his little miss, he went over to her and started to nudge her with his nose. His little miss moved and murmured before she sat up, rubbing one eye.

“Tom!” Taking that as an invitation he climbed into his little miss’ bed. Well, tried, he wasn’t very good at climbing. Little miss got out and helped him, she struggled a little under his weight but it was enough to get him on. Once he was in little miss joined him, laying down. Vinegar Tom did the same, laying his head near the pillow and a stuffed octopus. He gave a contented sigh and fell asleep.

_______________________

Though most of the family was smitten with Vinegar Tom there was one family member he hadn’t won over.

Zelda.

Zelda wanted nothing to do with the dog. She didn’t feed him and refused to walk him or acknowledge his presence. The only thing that she has ever done for the dog was let him out when he was ringing the bell and it was only that one time. All other duties and needs were regulated to Mary. She was the one who agreed to getting the dog she was going to do the brunt of the work. Though she must say she was impressed with the amount of responsibility that Vida showed. She helped Mary feed, walk, and bathe the dog and even learned some commands to help train him. Despite her disinterest Zelda recognized that Vinegar Tom was a good dog. He was fully house trained so they never woke up to any accidents in the house, Hilda even trained him to ring the bell that she tied on the door in the kitchen to be let out. Didn’t chew anything but his own toys, he liked rolling around his ball and squeaking his lamb toy. He listened to what they told him not that he misbehaved often. His only crime in Zelda’s eyes was that he kept trying to climb onto the sofa when she was on it. She didn’t know why he looked at her for attention but she was consistent and kept kicking him off. Keeping herself at arms length worked until one fateful day.

Everyone in her family was busy. Hilda had to work, Sabrina had plans with her friends, and Mary and Vida had a scheduled activity that they would enjoy but Zelda necessarily wouldn’t. Hence why they scheduled it when Zelda had to work. This was of course before they got the dog.

Vinegar Tom had been with them only a couple of days. It was why they, mainly Mary and Hilda, didn’t feel comfortable in leaving him on his own for so long. And with his veterinary check up not for another week they couldn’t enroll him in doggy daycare. There was only one viable option that was available and it was that he went with Zelda.

“Absolutely not!” Zelda abruptly got up from her chair and looked between Mary and Hilda. Apparently, Mary felt like she couldn’t ask Zelda on her own and called for reinforcements. Zelda couldn’t really blame her, she and Mary weren’t fighting but Zelda was adamant in proving her point. Mary wanted the dog she was going to take care of it.

“Zelda it’s just for one day.” Her sister pleaded in that soft tone of her, the one that she uses to try to calm her down with. It worked about 70% of the time. Zelda ranged in her anger a little but she wasn’t backing down.

“No.”

“Come on Zelda what’s the harm?”

“For one it’s against the rules. Animals aren’t allowed unless they are a service animal and I’m not about to commit a criminal offense just because there is no one to watch the dog that I didn’t even want. And before you even ask no I am not going to cancel my class.”

“Zelda it’s just one time. Do this for me and not only would I not ask this of you again but next date night is on me. Please? I would do it myself but the plans that I made with Vida can’t be changed.” Zelda turned her glare onto her girlfriend. Mary was being extremely unfair at that moment. Her expression was soft and her tone was pleading. It was a rare combination and it made Zelda cave in every time. And Vida was thrown in, it was dirty move and sadly, it worked.

“Fine.” Mary smirked and got up to give her a kiss on the check. It was supposed to be on the lips but Zelda turned her head to the side. Mary has not earned that privilege back yet.

And thus here she was now, driving to work with Vinegar Tom in the back seat. Though Zelda couldn’t stop thinking about everything that could go wrong, she could get fired, claw marks in her seats, dog hair EVERYWHERE, the mutt was having the time of his life. After dropping of Hilda at work he got up on his hind legs to look out the window. His breath fogged up the windows, his muzzle was that close to the glass, and his tail was wagging up a storm. There was even drool on the glass when Zelda went to let him out. Sneaking the dog into the building wasn’t that hard, the office that she used was on the first floor and the other teacher that she shared it with taught not only on days that she didn’t work but evenings as well. She had the whole space to herself but to make sure that Vinegar Tom didn’t get into anything he shouldn’t she brought a portable crate to create a temporary pen. Vinegar Tom circled his enclosure but he seemed content with the small water bowl and pillow that Zelda gave him. He was happiest with his lamb, he wiggled in eagerness when Zelda pulled it from the bag that Mary set up for her. He squeaked it a little before settling down near the pillow. The last thing that Zelda set up in Vinegar Tom’s pen was a pee pad, Mary walked him before she left but it was better safe than sorry. By the time that Zelda finished setting everything up it was time for her to head to her lecture. Before leaving she took one last look at the dog. He looked up at her with his big brown eyes and his goofy expression that had everyone in her family in love with but gave Zelda a slight jagged feeling in her stomach.

“Don’t get me fired.” With that Zelda left and acted like nothing was wrong.

________________________

When his mistress returned to her office Vinegar Tom was sleeping peacefully. He woke up when she closed the door behind her. He yawned and stretched before watching his mistress. She set down something before coming over to him. His tail started to wag, he was hoping for some treats or a belly rub for being such a good dog. He was slightly disappointed when all she did was take away the barrier that kept him in one corner of the room. It wasn’t quite what he wanted but he was free! It was something. He explored the best way he knew, by smell. He let his nose guide him but after a while of not finding anything he turned back to his mistress. She was sitting behind something big and wooden. She was looking at something but he couldn’t tell what. Her head was bowed, was she sad? Tom couldn’t let that happen. His lamb made him happy so maybe it would make his mistress happy.

Picking up his lamb he brought it over to his mistress. She didn’t appear to notice him so he got up on his hind legs, using the side of the desk for support. When she still hadn’t noticed him he squeaked his lamb. That got her attention.

“What?” He squeaked his lamb again and wagged his tail. He wanted her to know that it was okay to take it. She just looked at him funny. “What?” This time she turned slightly in her chair giving him a space to place the lamb. He dropped it in her lap. However, instead of being happy she looked even more funny and threw his lamb to some corner. Oh! She was playing with him! She must love fetch too! As fast as his legs could go he went to get his lamb and then brought it back, squeaking it twice so she knew that he got it. She threw it two more times, when he came back the third time she ignored him completely. Oh, she was done playing. That’s okay, he was a bit tired so he’ll take a little rest. He dropped his lamb on the floor and then rested his head next to it. He gave a soft sigh in contentment.

______________________

By the time that Zelda was done  she still had half an hour before Hilda got off work, great. Gathering everything that belonged to the dog she clipped his leash onto his harness and out they went. The dog still showed the same enthusiasm as before though Zelda wished he didn’t, she just cleaned her windows of his drool and there he was fogging and slobbering them up again. With twenty minutes still on her hands Zelda had to figure out what to do about the dog. It was pointless to drive all the way home when she would have to drive right back into town to pick up her sister, it wasted both time and gas, both of which she loathed. She decided to take the dog to the park. She didn’t know how tired Mary was going to be and she had the time so why not suck it up and walk the dog once.

The dog seemed happy about it. His tail wouldn’t stop wagging and he sniffed every tree that he got close to. He wasn’t that much different than Vida in that regard. Now that she thought about it he and Vida were a lot alike. They knew how to listen, could entertain themselves, didn’t get into much trouble, and were very loving and sweet with people they liked and a bit closed off with people they necessarily didn’t like. Maybe that’s why Vida fell head over heels with the dog because Zelda would have known if Vida wanted a pet. Yes, she wasn’t exactly forthcoming with Telling Zelda what she wanted but there were signs that as her mother she was able to pick up. There was nothing. Getting the dog was a completely last minute, spontaneous thing. Maybe that’s why Zelda was fighting so hard. She didn’t like spontaneous change. Yet that explained her relationship with Mary perfectly. She didn’t plan on falling in love with Mary, or moving their relationship so fast that they were living together in such a short time. There was no rational reason other than it just felt right. It’s what Mary felt when she agreed to get the dog, so maybe Zelda could work on changing her attitude towards the dog.

She knew just where to start. Since Vinegar Tom behaved himself so well at her work she decided to get him a special treat. There was a small dog boutique not far from where Hilda worked so Zelda took him inside to let him pick out a treat. She held her breath because there was a possibility that the dog could stick his head in a container and either destroy it or eat everything and take every last dime that she had. But as he sniffed through the selection of treats he didn’t seem interested in any of them until he found one he liked. He pawed at it and then turned to her with that same goofy expression and wagging tail. Zelda paid for it and tucked the trat in her purse, he could have it later after his dinner.

Home was very peaceful. Well, more normal than peaceful, and for that Zelda was grateful. As chaotic and as crowded as their household could be it was theirs and Zelda loved it. Vida wouldn’t stop talking about what she did that afternoon with Mary and they all sat around the table for dinner. That night it was Mary’s turns to wash the dishes, they tried to rotate who did what kind of cleaning. Zelda stuck around, she was finishing the last little bit of wine and it was the first time she could talk to Mary alone. Vinegar Tom was circling her, he barked softly and wiggled as he looked up at her. Zelda instantly knew what he wanted.

“Okay fine.” Zelda tossed him his treat. It was some kind of bone thing that smelled vaguely like barbeque. It was what he wanted and was safe for him so Zelda didn’t give it much thought. Vinegar Tom happily took his treat over to his basket and started to chomp away. Finishing up the last of her wine Zelda placed her glass with the rest of the dishes that haven’t been washed yet which was when she noticed Mary looking at her with a smirk and a gleam in her eye. “Not a word.”

“Well your attitude has certainly changed.” Zelda just huffed and walked out. Mary shook her head and went back to the dishes. Zelda would never say out loud if someone was right, she would stay silent and if she could walk out of the room. Mary smirked and looked at Vinegar Tom, he was halfway through his treat. “She’s warming up to you big guy.” He woofed lightly and went back to his treat.

Later that night Vinegar Tom padded into the living room where Hilda sat in an armchair knitting, and Mary and Zelda sitting on the couch reading. He went over to the couch and climbed up on it. Every other time he did that Zelda instantly kicked him off but instead she, without looking away from her book, took one hand and gave him a few head pats. Mary saw this out of the corner of her eye and smirked. It looked like Vinegar Tom was staying for good.

[elven-ariaera]

Welcome all!

If you’re reading this, I’m assuming you’re familiar with my work as either an artist, cosplayer, writer or any of the other creative things I do. Recently, I had been asked about some of the work that I do, and I thought a fun way to just that was to fill out a few questionnaires. Here I talk about some of the high and low points of doing what I do, what inspires me, and my process of creativity.

For those who are only interested in certain segments, I’ve broken the article into the following sections for you to easily maneuver your way throughout the piece: Art, cosplay, writing, and questions asked by you.

I know I’m no professional and compared to a lot of others I don’t have as outstanding an amount of followers, but if this article can help inspire at least one artist to try something new or learn something they didn’t know, well, that’s good enough for me! I hope you enjoy!

Art

When did you get into art?

I’ve been drawing as long as I can remember, but I do recall middle school in particular being the time that I really started pursuing art. I had to choose between volleyball and art club after school, and guess which one I picked. It wasn’t just academics either. My notebooks were full of fan art of mostly Link and Zelda, but you could find some Kirby, Pokémon, and Naruto scattered in there as well.

Show us your oldest piece of art you have on hand.

Yeah. It’s… Something.

What defines your artistic style?

I think the faces of the characters I draw distinguish my art. I always have a certain way of drawing the eyes, ears, and other features. I always give my females more prominent eyelashes than males as well. Certain clothing as well — The way I draw capes and hoods are distinct. Not to mention when designing my own clothes, I tend to use similar patterns.

Do you practice other styles/have you tried other styles in the past?

I occasionally dabble outside my comfort zone. I’m not necessarily a huge fan of the “Cal-Arts” style, but I’ve tried it every now and then, especially when creating fan art for shows like Steven Universe, The Amazing World of Gumball, and Amphibia. I don’t really do it too often, but I’ve made a piece for my portfolio mimicking several art styles from a variety of different shows just to demonstrate that I can do it if I’d like to.

What levels of artistic education have you had?

Honestly, just high school. I thought I was going to college for digital illustrations but it turned out communication/graphic design was totally different. I actually got into that because I could draw when not many other people in that field could. Of course, I’m always interested in learning outside of school. I learn through watching other artists on social media, seeing how they create their work. Just watching a speed draw can help so much! The way I learn the most, however, is just by doing. Practice, practice, practice! 

Show us at least one picture you drew or sketched recently that you did not put on a public site.

I’ve been doing a lot of Fire Emblem doodles for my new sticker line, so here’s Setsuna. Honestly, I just like drawing bust portraits like this.

What is your favorite piece that you have done?

I can’t just pick one! I’ve drawn over 900 things since I first joined DeviantArt (and I’ve been drawing even before then), you want me to pick just one? Haha, I’ll narrow it down to three of my favorites (in no particular order):

I love this one because it was like the first cute drawing of Ivysaur I’ve ever done. Ivysaur was always a tricky pokémon for me to draw, but this was the first time I feel like I nailed it. Ivysaur also happens to be one of my absolute favorites, so that’s a plus.

This is Minerva, a Guardian from my fantasy stories. Every time I drew her prior, I could never quite get the look I wanted. This was the one that I really liked and so I colored it and am very happy with how it turned out.

I don’t know why I just love this drawing I did of Dimitri from Three Houses. I think its the eyes and hair. And the color contrast — especially in the original ink sketch (that I hung up over my craft table.) I just love it.

What is your least favorite piece that you have done?

Again, you want just one? Haha, too many failures. I’ll be fair, though, and post three of those as well.

Here’s one from my early days. I was trying so hard to get the hair all detailed like and instead it came out looking like gross looking veins. Not to mention how atrocious the proportions were. Oh man, I’m sorry past me, I know you tried.

Here’s one I was so proud of: I copied the official art for Twilight Princess and thought it came out amazing. So amazing I titled the piece “Awesomeful Link.” Yeah. Um. Nope.

Here’s a more recent one that I’m not too pleased with. I was so excited about the latest batch of Steven Universe episodes (which I would later learn were a big bunch of filler episodes and that didn’t make anything better) I drew Pearl reciting her ‘big line’ of the trailer. I tried to mix styles and I tried something different with the eyes and all in all it just came out… Meh.

What do you like most about your art?

I like the faces that I draw. They’re always the most fun and I think they come out the best. I especially love the eyes, I go into so much detail on them (even though they’re usually so small when I print them.) I’ve had issues in the past where I made all of my characters look like they had the same face, but I feel I’ve been doing a lot better at individualizing the face of each character and that makes it all the more fun as well.

What do you like least about your art?

The hands. Sometimes I draw them well, but I still struggle hard and sometimes it really shows. For chibi drawings, I don’t really care as much, but on my more “serious” art, I get a little bummed when I’ve got a wonky hand hanging off their wrists. Feet also sometimes give me a bit of trouble, but usually only when I do poses that involve more movement, which is why I sometimes make my art stiffer and I don’t like doing that either.

Have you ever considered taking commissions?

I do take commissions. In fact, I’d love to take more if it were possible.

Are you looking to pursue a career in art?

I do it part-time right now. I’m satisfied doing commissions and artist tables at local conventions. I think I’d like to pursue writing more than art, but I do love art just as well, so part-time is perfect for me.

What do you like drawing the most?

As I mentioned before, faces. I love drawing facial expressions, I feel like it’s the very core of a character. It’s the first thing I notice when I look at anyone’s art, so I always go all out on my own. I also like drawing hair and wrinkles in clothing. I used to be really obsessed with wrinkles and it would always look like my characters didn’t iron their laundry, but I’ve definitely toned it down since then, haha.

All in all, I like drawing human characters the best — or humanoid. Elves, fairies, merfolk; I love them the most. I like drawing animals too, but not as much as people. 

What do you like drawing the least?

Once again my answer is hands. They are still as difficult to draw as the day I started.

Backgrounds are also not enjoyable for me to draw. It’s an important part of a piece, but I get so bored drawing anything that’s not a character — which is why you’ll probably notice in a lot of my art that I do a lot of very minimal backgrounds. I’ve been trying very hard not to just take stock photos anymore (with the exception of my Mythical Month art as they’re meant to be stickers,) and I’ve been using games like Skyrim and Breath of the Wild as inspiration with their gorgeous scenery. 

Do you draw more fanart or original art? If fanart, what fandom do you draw the most of?

I post a lot more fan art than original — at least I used to, but I also think I have expanded in sharing my original art more and more with my Mythical Months/Mondays. I guess maybe I’d say about half and half.

What medium/program do you use the most in your art?

Digitally I always use Photoshop. Always. As for traditional art, I’ve been using Copic knock-offs (I’m still learning, so I’d rather not waste the money) and the Sakura Micron pens for my ink sketches. I’ve really been enjoying them, actually, it’s very therapeutic. However, no matter digitally or traditionally, I always, ALWAYS start with a pencil. I like mechanical pencils, I don’t like traditional #2 pencils anymore. The thin lead helps me keep control better.

How would you rank your art? (poor, mediocre, good, etc.)

I always say I think my art is “above average.” I know it’s not bad, but I think it could always use improvement. I don’t know if I’ll ever get to a place where I think my art is phenomenal, but I’m content with it, it makes me happy, and that’s all that matters.

List at least one of your “artspirations.”

My art style was greatly inspired by Naruto, Fire Emblem, and Zelda. I always liked more proper body proportions with that hint of anime inspiration. I like bigger eyes on my characters because they help convey emotion so much better, but I also don’t like the oversized baby eyes outside of the occasional chibi style. Avatar: The Last Airbender was also a great influence since the creators did exactly what I like to do and execute it wonderfully.

What do you think you could stand to improve on?

I feel like I can always improve on everything that I do in my art. There are things I’m good at, but I don’t feel like I’ve mastered anything in particular. Then there’s hands and feet again which I definitely need to work on. Lastly, motion. I want to be able to draw more fluid character motions. I’ve been working on it with my original art that I don’t post online, but hopefully I’ll start incorporating it into all my work.

Do you have a shameful art past? (recolor sprite comics, tracing art, etc.?)

Ugh, yes, YES! I admit I was so bad at first, but I also think that’s just how we learn. I used to do a lot of tracing. I started first just full-on tracing images off my computer — That’s right, I’d put the paper up to the computer and trace it like that. Then I started using bases, which was better because at least I had to draw all the details like hair and clothing by myself. Then I finally worked up the courage to stop using them completely. I’d use references, but I would force myself to figure it out by eye rather than copy it straight from the source. I’m happy to say I haven’t been tracing since my late middle school- early high school years.

Cosplay

How many years have you cosplayed?

My first cosplay was when I was fourteen, and I’m twenty-five at the time of writing this article, so eleven years now. Wow.

How did you get into cosplaying?

I honestly don’t know. I was invited to a convention where I heard people dressed up and was like “hey, I want to try that!” I guess it was because I didn’t really do Halloween as a kid and I was so deathly terrified of costumed characters as a toddler that I never took an interest until high school.

How many cosplays have you done?

That’s funny, you want me to remember how many cosplays I’ve ever done. A lot. According to my photo collection, I’ve done about 60 different cosplays (59 exactly if I’m counting correctly.)

What was your first cosplay and why did you choose it?

My first cosplay was Osaka from Azumanga Daioh in her blue summer uniform. Azumanga Daioh was my second ever manga series and my cousin and I were so obsessed with it. She even went as Yukari with me to the convention (though only, like, two people knew who we were.) Tomo is probably my favorite character, but I related personally more to Osaka, being the air-head that I am. I also didn’t have to really style my hair (because that was an era before I used wigs.)

What is your favorite cosplay you’ve done so far?

It’s a tie between my Trainee Link (Hyrule Warriors) costume and my Royal Guard Link (Zelda: Breath of the Wild) costume. Both are alternative costumes for one of my all-time favorite characters that I hand made all the really detailed pieces all from scratch. Link has always been a special character for me to cosplay, but these two are my favorites.

What is your least favorite you’ve cosplayed?

Rapunzel (Tangled). I was obsessed with her at the time which is why I wanted to cosplay her originally, but my dress was not the best and I didn’t look good as her. At least I think so. It was the only costume that made me feel insecure.

What cosplay is the most uncomfortable or troublesome?

Okay, I love this costume and character to pieces, but my gosh the struggles I go through for Pearl (Steven Universe). Blue Diamond (Steven Universe) is the worst in terms of how long it takes me to put my makeup on, but Pearl is right behind her at about 2 hours being my best time. However, the thing that makes Pearl more troublesome to wear is one thing and one thing alone: armsocks.

They look great and prevent you from having to dab makeup all over your body, but I literally couldn’t even hit the home button on my cellphone and it’s not like I could just take them off like gloves. They’re attached at your middle and putting them on is a hassle on its own. Getting your fingers into each tiny socket is so time-consuming. Now imagine this while also being coated in body paint. Plus, having white be the color of the stockings, you have to be conscious of everything you touch because it will stain and show. Because of all this, I refuse to use the restroom dressed as Pearl, and while that is “in character,” it is not healthy and totally NOT recommended you do that.

What is your most comfortable cosplay?

During the winter, Ravio (Zelda: A Link Between Worlds) for sure. It’s like wearing a giant snuggie. However, in summer, it does get hot very quickly (which is why I literally only wear biker shorts and a tank underneath if I ever do take it out on a hot day), so I only wear it in summer if I know there will be AC. Heatstroke is a real thing. Miss Frizzle (Magic School Bus) is probably the best all-year cosplay in terms of comfort. It’s just a dress, stockings, and a wig really.

But in all honesty, most of my cosplays are relatively comfortable. There’s really nothing that I’ve been so uncomfortable that it’s made my physically ill or scarred me physically. My health is important to me, and should safety should always come first.

How do you research the cosplay before you make it?

I look up lots of reference images. I need an image of the front and back, though if it’s not available, I just improvise based on the images I do have on hand. After that, I kind of just wing it.

Do you sew your cosplays yourself?

A good majority of them, yes. There are a few exceptions to this, though: My Disney princesses are all bought since I use them in performances and want them to be durable if children come and tug on the outfit. Pearl, also being a performance cosplay, I did buy as well. For her second reformation outfit (the sleeveless with the ribbon) I got specially commissioned to look and fit me just right whereas her movie/future appearance (jacket and mom-jeans) I literally found at a thrift store. I also love to find costume pieces at thrift stores. Whether I use them as is or make alterations, they make life so much easier when you make a good find for a cheap price. Leni Loud (Loud House) is probably my favorite thrift/sew hybrid. I found a base dress, altered the top and added strap sleeves, put lace around the edges, found a blingy pair of sunglasses, bought earrings and painted them, and made bows for sandals I already had. The most expensive part of that cosplay was the wig I bought from Arda (and it’s always worth it to buy from them in my opinion.)

When I make a costume completely from scratch (like Ravio, Thranduil, any of my Link cosplays) are when I really love the costume and character and want to take on a challenge and bring it to life myself. They also tend to have pieces that can’t be altered from your everyday clothing, but that just makes me work harder and learn more!

How did you learn to sew?

My grandmother taught me how. Osaka was my first cosplay, but my mom altered it from a tee shirt we found at a thrift store and a lucky skirt find. Kabuto Yakushi (Naruto) was the first cosplay I made from scratch (and I won best novice at the convention I wore it to — even with my terrible wig, haha.) She showed me how to use patterns when we made that and my Ayame Sohma cosplay, but after that, I scrapped using patterns and I basically just eyeball everything now. It’s totally not recommended, but I’m a little weirdo and just prefer to do things the way I do. Still, I wouldn’t be able to use a sewing machine if it weren’t for her. Thanks, Nanny!

Do you make your own props?

Most of them. I don’t really use props too often as I find them cumbersome to lug around a convention (which is how I thought of the Fire Emblem, Gravity Falls, and Skyrim book boxes to store your stuff and add some extra flair to a costume.) The few props I have made include Link’s sword, his trainee shield, his original shield from Zelda 1, and Soren’s Wind Tome (which I used for Laurent (Fire Emblem: Awakening) because I didn’t finish Soren (Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance) yet…) Then there’s my prized cosplay prop; Victreebel for James (Pokémon). That was all thanks to my fleece hat business in high school that taught me the skills to build that thing.

I actually think the only prop I store-bought was my Hylian Shield because it was so lightweight and easy to carry, plus I was dreading doing all those details at the time. Maybe one day I’ll make it from scratch, but for now, I’m content with my store-bought.

Do you style your own wigs?

Yes. I have been improving my styling skills a lot more since I first started. It was always a more difficult task for me, but I’ve been practicing more and more. The first one that I attempted on my own was my short-haired Rapunzel. That was basically just giving it a haircut, though. My first real styling challenge was Breath of the Wild Link. It took a long time, but I actually had fun figuring out his hair.

For most of my costumes, it’s really just the bangs that need that extra pop, to which I use Got2B gel and spray. Does the trick every time and keeps everything in place. For those who are wondering, though: No, I did not style Pearl’s wig. I am not ready for that kind of gravity-defying styling. That was all E-Bay.

What skill has been most useful for making your cosplay?

Well, sewing mostly, but other skills that have come in handy for me personally have been painting, crafting, makeup, styling, and overall decorating. Probably other stuff too, just nothing more I can think of off the top of my head.

What is the hardest thing when making a cosplay?

Probably figuring out how things connect. This is the main reason I’m timid when it comes to armor. I’ve been getting better, but I’m still having trouble figuring out how everything attaches and how to put on these kinds of costumes, which is why my Skyrim Elven Armor has been put on hold.

What was the biggest screw up you’ve had making a cosplay?

I’m not sure if I had any major crisis’ when it comes to making cosplays, but I’ve certainly had my fair share of irritating mishaps and mistakes. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve accidentally sewn the sleeves on a costume inside out about 4 times before I finally got it right.

I’ve cut holes in my clothing, I’ve sewn sleeves on too tight, and I’ve even completed a hat that took hours just for it to wind up being too small when I put a wig on. I guess most of the major issues I’ve had with sewing are measurement issues, so my advice to you is to always measure and try on your costume as you go. Don’t wait until the day of the con to try out your new cosplay.

How often do you injure yourself while making a cosplay?

Not too often, I occasionally prick my finger with my sewing needles, but I haven’t had too many serious injuries. I think the worst was when I slashed my thumb with the exacto-knife when making my first shield for Link. Needless to say, there was a lot of blood.

Do you try to stay cheap or do you splurge on materials?

I am a frugal soul; if I can save, I will. That’s why I thrift so much. However, on a costume I’m really passionate about, I will spend more to ensure the quality. For example, I spent a little more going to a more shimmery material for Royal Guard Link. It cost about $50 for the blue and red material, which to me, is a lot (and that was with coupons). However, the results were 100% worth it. PS, Michaels and Joann’s ALWAYS have coupons. I totally recommend downloading both apps.

I also stand by that with wigs and contacts. I love Arda, their quality is great, but they are more expensive than Amazon. Contacts I don’t mind spending more for as well since the quality is VERY important in this case; they are going on your eyes, after all.

However, as I said, I am absolutely not opposed to going cheap. If you can make it work, make it work. My Nyo!Austria (Hetalia) cosplay came out very cute and it was literally made from bedsheets. From using mostly thrifted and recycled materials, a lot of my cosplays came to around an overall price of around $30. Some of these costumes include Mega Gardevoir (Pokemon), Tomoyo Sakagami (Clannad), Spyro (Spyro the Dragon), and Luan Loud (Loud House.)

Cosplay can be totally affordable, you just have to be creative and think a little outside the box sometimes to make it work.

Have you ever cosplayed with a partner or group?

Yes, a few times. I’d love to do more group cosplays, but we all have to think of something we all like. Luckily, two of my very good friends decided they would dress up as Steven Universe and Amethyst to go with my Pearl this year for Comic-Con and it was such a great experience! I’m trying to convince them to do others as well, such as The Loud House and The Magic School Bus with me as well, haha.

Do you try to act in character?

Always: but I don’t always succeed. It really depends on the character. Pearl I could roleplay for days. It’s probably because I connect so much with her and performing as her doesn’t hurt either. Dee Dee Magno Hall says her favorite lines to say are peoples names, and after giving it a shot myself, I totally see why. I even practiced Garnets “Stronger than you” monologue in Pearl’s voice and tone (in case no one volunteered to sing during our karaoke event) and it always makes my friends laugh.

The characters that stump me a little more are the more serious characters I choose to portray; Link, Laurent, Thranduil (the Hobbit), Belle (Beauty and the Beast), just to name a few. I’m kind of a goofball/airhead so those characters clash with my personality a little bit, but I am getting better. Blue Diamond is surprisingly the easiest of these types to stay in character for.

That being said, I love being the outgoing, oddball characters. Like I said, Pearl is second nature to me, as well as Anna from Frozen. Back in my Hetalia days, Austria and America were my go-to guys. I could act as them forever, and my friends and I literally lived as them for a while with how much we role-played. Most of the Disney Princesses it’s pretty easy for me to stay in character, especially (like I said before) Anna, Sofia the First, and Merida.

How do you react to cosplayers dressed as a character from the same anime/game/etc?

If there are some good character opportunities, I will role-play on the spot, but more often than not I will ask if we could all get a picture together. There were so many fun interactions with other Steven Universe cosplayers when my friends and I did our little group, but one of my favorite interactions was probably when I was dressed as Laurent and I stumbled across a Miriel cosplayer and I just shouted out “MOM! I FINALLY FOUND YOU!”

Do you try to duplicate your character’s expressions, walk, movements, etc?

I can talk the talk (mostly), but I have more trouble walking the walk. I’ve been trying to replicate movements better, but facial expressions I have trouble with (ironic as it’s my favorite part of drawing.) I’m not as photogenic as I’d like to be, as you could probably tell by most of my pictures being the same face, but I definitely am striving to improve on that.

What was your funniest experience of acting in character?

Okay, there’s a lot that I could share, and eventually, I want to do an article solely on cosplay “in-character” experiences, but the one I HAVE to share right now is a recent experience when I was dressed as Ariel from The Little Mermaid.

I was performing at the family day event my church helps out at my pastor’s air force base as Ariel, and after my sing-a-long, my makeup was a little smudged. I asked a volunteer where the restroom was so I could touch up before I headed back out to the crowds. I thought he’d take me to a private restroom, but he brought me to the public one where there were families waiting outside. They noticed and the dad joked “See? Even princesses have to go.” to which I laughed and gave my best Ariel shrug to play along. I went inside, fixed my makeup, and went back outside.

It wasn’t long, so the family was still outside the men’s room. As I walked by, the man’s son shouted out “Ariel, congratulations on going pee-pee!” to which I bursted out laughing. Everyone was. I mean, if you gotta congratulate a princess on using the bathroom, you picked the right one! After that, I did explain that I was just putting on makeup but I appreciated his enthusiasm and thanked him for it.

Do you compete in cosplay contests?

All the time. I love them. Whether I win or lose, I always get something out of it. I learn tips from other cosplayers, get to meet so many interesting people, and those times I do win I get prizes which is always nice as well. Most importantly, though, the memories that are made there are the very best part.

Have you won anything?

I have won quite a few. I have three trophies, a medal, a few certificates, and have won a cash prize as well. My first win was my second convention as Kabuto where I won the best novice trophy. My most recent win was for Ravio in August of 2019 with best in show. It’s amazing, I never thought I would get this far, but I’m so grateful for everything I’ve been a part of.

Again, it’s totally not about winning, but I’ll admit that it does feel really nice to have my hard work appreciated. Just as drawing, I still feel like I have a lot of room for improvement in my cosplay, so winning a few contests here and there definitely helps my low self-esteem.

Do you prefer skits or walk-ons?

I’ve only ever done walk-ons. I’ve never had anyone to do a skit with and I don’t think I could pull one off on my own. I’d love to do one eventually, but for now, our panels are good enough.

How many friends have you made because of cosplay?

Quite a lot. My Instagram is full of cosplayers I’ve met at conventions and I love seeing their cosplays and drawings, it’s all so inspiring!

Do you attend photoshoots and meet-ups outside of conventions?

Occasionally. I’ve never done a professional photoshoot (though one day I’d like to,) but I have attended a few meetups. I’ve done one for Steven Universe, Once Upon a Time, Disney, and I actually accidentally walked into a Fire Emblem: Awakening one dressed as Laurent, so that worked out.

What is the funniest reaction you’ve gotten cosplaying from people outside of the community?

The best one was when I was dressed as Link and my friend and I were on the subway. There was a mom and her kid sitting across from us and she pointed to me and said to her child, “Look, an elf! You see? Santa’s got his helpers out all year round, so you have to be good!”

I also had another wonderful experience outside of a con dressed as Link, though it’s not as funny but more just a sweet memory. It’s quite a bit, but luckily I’ve already written about it for Zelda Universe so I’ll just link it here for anyone who’s interested. 

Name a few cosplays you’re planning to do next:

I’ve got to get Soren (Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance) done soon. I’ve been wanting to do this cosplay forever and I did start it, but I need to finally finish it. Dimitri (Fire Emblem: Three Houses) is also on my list to do next. Not sure about who else I want to do for sure, but some ideas that have floated around in my head have been Tilly Green (Big City Greens), Anna with her Frozen 2 look, Princess Peach (Super Mario), and a Thalmor Mage (Skyrim.)

What is your dream cosplay?

Princess Zelda from Twilight Princess. I’m still too scared to try to cosplay her. I bought a cheap starter costume that I was going to build off of and it wasn’t turning out the way I wanted, so I put it off again. One day I’ll feel confident enough to make her costume, but until then I’m totally satisfied with my Link cosplays.

What do you take into consideration when picking a character to cosplay?

Honestly, I just have to love them as a character and the costume itself has to seem do-able. I mean, I’m totally not opposed to buying cosplays if I really want to be a particular character, but like I said, making it means all the more to me. It’s my display of affection towards that character, the creators behind them, and the series as a whole.

Is cosplay serious business for you?

Yes and no. No because I don’t do it for money, likes, or internet fame. I do it because it’s fun and what I like to do. Yes because I go all out when I cosplay. I do everything I can to get the look the way I want it and I put my blood, sweat, and tears into it when I make them by hand. 

What is your favorite thing about cosplay?

Everything: Dressing up as a character I love, roleplaying them, taking photos, just everything! I would do it more often if I could!

How do you want to grow as a cosplayer?

I want to learn how to make more. I want to build armor, I want to learn new makeup and hairstyling techniques, and so much more. I’m happy where I am, but I know I can be better. I will watch others and learn from them and push myself to try new things!

Are you willing to answer questions and help other cosplayers?

Absolutely! I may not be a top dog of cosplaying, but if I can help someone with something I’ve learned along the way, I’m more than happy to help!

Writing

When did you start writing?

I started in middle school as well, I used to write a Nintendo fan fiction called “The Kirby Show,” where Kirby and his friends would get into wacky sitcom scenarios. They were really just knock-offs of the television shows I used to watch back in the day, but hey, everyone’s gotta start somewhere.

As for my original writing, I started that more in high school. I still wrote a lot of fan fiction at that point, but I was starting to develop my own characters as well. I thought it about time to think of my own creations, and I did. I remember I was in my Godmother’s car when I thought of the main three characters and since then the cast has expanded so much, their stories are much better developed, and the lore is much more solid.

When you were a beginning writer, what did you write primarily? What do you write now, primarily?  (i.e. romance, fan-fiction, poetry)

As mentioned before, I started out writing stories about characters that were not my own. Now I do all original writing — well, aside from my work at Zelda Universe. There I get to write about all the unique aspects of one of my favorite game series of all time, so there’s that as well. Writing there has helped me start writing little fandom topical posts for my own blog, such as top 10’s, reviews, and other things along those lines. 

How often do you write?

I make it a habit to try and write at least a half-hour a day. If I’m really on a roll, I could write up to a few hours a day before I get burnt out. Even though I’m not always writing, I’m always developing the stories in my head. 

When is your favorite time of the day to write?

I always write a half hour before I go to bed. The later it is, the more ideas keep rolling in. With my early hours for work now it’s harder to stay up late, but that doesn’t stop the ideas. I just gotta push myself a little harder to start earlier to have more time before I need to go to bed. 

Do you have a writing muse? If so, who/what?

Not in particular. I always just write about what I like and incorporate different aspects of my life into it. I guess I’m my own muse in that sense? I don’t know. I just write what I do know. 

What is your most popular lit piece?

Out of all my public pieces, I’d say either my “Animal Crossing Diaries” series or my “Endless Ocean” screenplay. “Vagabond” gets some decent attention as well, which is nice, but honestly, I’d be happy if there was just one person enjoying my work, so I really can’t complain. 

What is the piece you are currently writing?

Out of my public blog works, “Vagabond,” from my Zelda Universe collection I’m working on a character piece on Colin from Twilight Princess. 

What is the piece you most recently finished?

On my blog that would be my “Top 10 Favorite Fire Emblem Characters” list. For Zelda Universe, it’s actually a piece about Fire Emblem as well — It was DS week, I could write about whatever DS game I wanted to, of course I have to sneak in some Fire Emblem.

What piece are you most proud of?

While “Vagabond” definitely needs some more work, out of all the pieces I’ve posted publicly, that one is the one I am the proudest of. If anything just for Kurt and Maerwynn. They are two of my favorite characters to play around with and I’m so happy that somehow I was allowed to think these two up.

In my more private works, my fantasy story is my pride and joy. I feel so blessed to have been able to come up with these characters, and I do hope that someday I will be able to share them, whether on a television screen as I’ve always dreamed of in a novel of some sort. One day, maybe. 

What piece are you most disappointed in?

It’s not so much disappointment, but rather I’ve grown so much in my work, it’s very hard for me to look back at my first romance story. It’s a little cheesy and the dialogue is a bit clunky, some of the actions that my characters had performed totally go against what their characters have become now after spending a lot more time with them. It’s something I would love to revisit and maybe even go public with, but it’s going to take a lot of work. 

From all of your stories, who is/are your favorite character(s) and why? (try to limit it to 3)

Since I only published “Vagabond” online, I’ll stick to characters from this story in particular.

Maerwynn is definitely a favorite because she’s got a lot of qualities that I wish I was bold enough to enact myself. She speaks her mind without a care of what anyone else will think, even if it’s blatantly rude. She goes for her goals, even if they may seem ridiculous, and she pursues them with great passion and ferocity. Even with this rough and tough exterior, she’s still got a softer side that she’s just discovering in her new life at the palace. Now, I wouldn’t ever recommend being like Maerwynn ALL the time, but there’s definitely is a time and place where we could all be a little bit more like her, I think. Her confidence is the thing I admire most about her.

Kurt I connect with as well. Again, he says all the things that we all wish we could get away with at one point or another, but he knows he can because he’s royalty. However, he’s got so much going on underneath the surface as well with the complications of his past. He’s learning to open up, connect with others, and understand his feelings. Despite feeling restricted by the laws of his kingdom and the traditions of the royal family, he finds his own way to feel free and be himself. 

What is the best compliment you ever got on your writing?

My best friend who I’ve been sharing these stories with for as long as we’ve known each other told me the nicest thing not to long ago. I always laugh at myself for going so crazy in-depth with the lore and characters of my fantasy world, but she told me how she’s admired that and the love and care I put into each little thing was what made it so great. It really meant the world to me to hear that and I can’t thank her enough for all the love and support throughout the years! 

What is your main goal in writing?

I don’t know if there’s one main goal in particular, but I suppose if I had to pick just one, it would be to show good through the works of my characters and hope and pray that it inspires others to be like them. Kindness is growing scarce in the world, and if I can just inspire a little bit of it in someone, I suppose that’s all I can ask for. 

Have you ever been published?

No, but I am aiming for it. Once I complete Vagabond, give it another revise myself, and hopefully find an editor to give it another look over, I’d love to find someone to publish my book or even self publish on a platform like Amazon. Just something to get my work out there.

Questions asked by you

Who is an artist that you look up to? There are a few artists online that I follow who I just adore their work. Three that come to mind in particular are Bianca Roman-Stumpff, Bellhenge, and TheStarfishFace. Their art is so different from mine, but I think that’s probably why I love it so much (if that makes sense?)  They each have such a unique style and great subject material, I highly recommend giving them a look!

What did you think of “Frozen 2”?

I loved it. No secret that I’m a huge Frozen fan, so I was bound to like it. I was actually really nervous about how it was going to end, but I can say (without spoilers) that I am 100% satisfied with how it concluded. Also, Kristoff finally gets the spotlight that he deserves, thank you, Disney.

However, as much as I did love it, I do totally admit I do see flaws in it that could have been improved on. That being said, there was that in the first movie too and I stilled loved it. The characters have enough charm to keep the film entertaining throughout and I just adore them!

What does your family think of your art?

My parents have always encouraged me about my art and I know my grandmother loves it; I gave her a sweater with the art she liked of mine last Christmas and my mom says she wears it all the time. The rest of my family knows and supports my art as well, I  never really had any issue with my small art business and the family.

Any memorable cosplay experiences at a con?

So many. I’ve shared a few before, but I think I’d like to make a whole article on the great cosplay experiences I’ve had! There are so many to talk about and stories to share.

Is there a type of art that you would like to get into? I’ve seen a lot of people doing wood carving and burning, but that looks insanely difficult.

I’ve actually been considering wood burning, haha! It does look difficult, that’s why I’ve been hesitant, but maybe in the future I’d give it a shot. I think they’d make my Skyrim wood pieces look legit.

I’m really up for trying anything. If money wasn’t a thing, I’d have tried a lot more by now. In the future, I’d love to try needlepoint as well! 

Recently, I had been asked about some of the work that I do, and I thought a fun way to just that was to fill out a few questionnaires. Here I talk about some of the high and low points of doing what I do, what inspires me, and my process of creativity. Welcome all! If you're reading this, I'm assuming you're familiar with my work as either an artist, cosplayer, writer or any of the other creative things I do.

[raywritesthings]

Team 7

My Writing Fandom: Arrow Characters: Laurel Lance, Amanda Waller, Slade Wilson Summary: Laurel survives Darhk, only to find herself in perhaps an even worse situation under the supervision of The Wall. Notes: So this was just kind of a little blurb that popped into my head and I typed up tonight. Not really sure if it’ll be continued. *Can also be read on my AO3*

Laurel woke with a gasp. Everything hurt and the lights were too bright. She turned her face away, her cheek landing on a cool, metal table. Hadn’t she been on a bed? Laurel tried to sit up, but found she was tied down.

“Welcome back, Miss Lance,” said a voice she only vaguely recognized. A woman stepped closer and her face blocked out some of the overhead light. Squinting allowed Laurel to make out the face, though it didn’t make the sight any less impossible.

“Waller?”

The infamous former head of ARGUS smirked. “In the flesh.”

“But you died. I’m pretty sure I died,” Laurel said. Her throat felt odd and prickly, and there was a gravelly quality to her voice. Somehow, she didn’t think a request for water would be acknowledged. “What are we doing here?”

“My death was merely for show. The same as the one I manufactured for you,” Waller told her.

Laurel narrowed her eyes. “What are you talking about?”

“ARGUS was growing too compromised. Between pressure from the government and meddling from our friend Mr. Queen and his associates, I knew the time when ARGUS could be an effective measure for ensuring national security was drawing to an end. I had to go underground.”

“So you getting shot. That was all fake.” To think they’d held something of a memorial for the woman.

Waller nodded. “What I needed was something smaller that could move with greater efficiency. That’s where you come in.” The woman reached for the restraints at Laurel’s wrists, unlocking them and the ones at her ankles. Warily, Laurel sat up. She noticed two things right away. The first was that she had been changed into a simple, black outfit. The second was that, though she felt a general achiness, the site of her stab wound was not bothering her. An experimental hand laid over it didn’t elicit any pain response either.

“How long have I been out?”

“Walk with me,” Waller replied. Grudgingly, Laurel followed her to the door and out into a hall. Her hair was hanging lower than she was used to. That could only mean she had missed a great deal of time.

The more she could discover about her current situation, the faster she could get herself out of it. Laurel caught up with her guide. “So what’s the big threat to national security you’re so worried about now?”

“It’s never just one. But the one most concerning, the one that’s spreading, is metahumans.”

“Metahumans?”

“They’re spreading out across the country unchecked, and more are discovering their abilities every day.” Waller shook her head in disgust. “Wells and his particle accelerator have plunged this nation into crisis. People turning to crime en masse simply because they think they’re unstoppable.”

“So why not offer to work alongside the Flash and his team? They’ve been handling the situation for this long.”

“The Flash is unstable and accountable to no one but himself,” Waller stated flatly. “Our intelligence details multiple incidents where poor decision making has led to the escape of metahuman criminals, tears in the fabric of our own reality, and possible disturbances to the timeline of Earth’s events.”

Laurel was silent. She couldn’t verify whether the first thing Waller had listed was true or not, but everything about the parallel Earth and time travel held up as far as she knew.

“I need people under my command, who I can trust to do what needs to be done.”

Laurel stopped walking and crossed her arms. “And you think that’s me. How am I supposed to battle metahumans?”

She didn’t mean to sell herself short, but Laurel knew in an out-and-out fight with someone who had Barry’s powers, she’d be hard-pressed to do much of anything. And she was used to fighting with a team. God, the team. Where were they? What did they think? Waller said she’d ‘manufactured’ a death for her...is that what her friends and family believed had happened?

Waller paused as well. “You asked how long you’d been out. I assume your brain has chosen to suppress the memories.”

It was like a chill entered the hallway they stood in. She forced her voice to remain level as she asked, “Memories of what?”

“Your DNA contained the gene needed to activate metahuman abilities. Dormant, but some experimentation took care of that.”

Laurel stepped up to Waller. “You experimented on me?”

“And healed you from your encounter with Damien Darhk,” Waller answered unapologetically. “Without my people, you would have died. Now, you’re stronger than ever.”

She was shaking where she stood. In rage, in fear; it was hard to tell what was stronger. “What did you do to me?”

“You’ll have a chance to see for yourself, once you’ve met the other member of your team we’ve acquired so far.” Waller turned and opened a door, letting them into a narrow room with a conference table. Laurel froze as she caught sight of the room’s sole occupant. “I believe you’ve met Mr. Wilson.”

“Charmed as ever, Miss Lance,” Slade Wilson said as he stood from his chair. “I hear you’ve had a rough go of things the last few months.”

Laurel glared. “If you think I would ever work with him—”

“I understand your reservations. I deserve them,” Wilson stated. His hands were both raised in a display that he held no weapons. “Since the Mirakuru and its madness has entirely left my system, I’ve had time to reflect on my past actions. I regret my vendetta with Oliver and the suffering it caused.”

“Mr. Wilson has agreed to work with my organization to atone for those crimes,” Waller explained. Laurel didn’t take her eyes off Wilson as she did so. Whether he was remorseful or not, the man was dangerous even without a boost from the Mirakuru. “In fact, I’ve taken some inspiration from his former assignment with ASIS. Welcome to the new Team 7.”

“The new Suicide Squad, you mean,” Laurel said.

Waller shook her head. “Feel your neck.”

She did so, not noticing anything unusual.

“There’s no bombs, no threats on your life.”

Laurel waited, but that was it. So what was the trick? What was to stop her from walking out the nearest exit? Maybe Wilson felt compelled to help the woman who had undoubtedly rescued him from that island prison — something Laurel had always felt disquieted about, but didn’t exactly have the leverage to suggest an alternative.

So she decided to call the bluff. “You just expect me to fight for you? To kill my friends?”

“No, Miss Lance. I expect you to curtail them — through whatever means may be necessary.” Waller leaned forward. “Because if you don’t, I can always find someone who will.”

So there it was. She’d been crafted into some kind of weapon for Waller to deploy at her discretion. If she didn’t comply, it would be someone else taken and experimented on. Maybe someone who didn’t know the others, who didn’t care about them.

“I should also mention, your teammates have made a return to society far more complicated for you,” Waller added, and Laurel had a strong suspicion she enjoyed this; the breaking down of another person’s spirit. “There’s plans for a monument dedicated to you as the Black Canary.”

“What?” Her secret identity had been exposed? She’d thought the doctor at the hospital had been willing to be discrete. But if her vigilante activities were known…

She couldn’t go back.

Slade was watching her with something that looked suspiciously like sympathy, and it was almost too much to stand. Laurel marched from the room, striding blind down hallways she couldn’t tell apart from each other.

It wasn’t fair. Life never was, but that had been her life. Her job, her friends, her family, her love—

Laurel rushed into a closed-in yard with high, concrete walls all around. Something was rising up within her, something she didn’t think she could control. Her mouth opened, and the scream it let out burst from her with a power she’d never possessed before. The waves hit the wall opposite her and the concrete cracked from the center point outward.

She dropped to one knee, the breath leaving her, and stared at what she’d done. What she’d become.

“So, Canary,” said Waller, only a few steps behind. “Do we have a deal?”

[kat-hawke]

Opportune Moments

The constant barrage of medical exams and evaluations began tiresome. Now more of an annoyance, repeating some tests, as if they were searching for a reason to keep her from fully returning to active duty. Growing restless in the waiting after the most recent set of tests, the Director waits until the sun touches the horizon before making her move. Tucking the large envelope into the inner coat pocket she takes to the lower levels of Boralus, finding the waterways easier to navigate than the cobblestone streets above, along with less foot traffic to impede her.

The boardwalk rounded a corner, the faint sounds of water lapping against timeworn posts competing with the sound of her boots agains the boards. A sudden halt brought on by a folded note, carefully placed on the planks in her direct path. Ambers scanned the immediate area, knowing it was intentional and know aware she was being watched. With lips pursed in a scowl, knees bent to lower her body, fingers quickly snatching the paper and folding it open.

‘Hope you’re enjoying Boralus. Plenty of places to push a girl into the water, after all. Talk soon?’

No signature, none was needed. “Sure, luv’. Soon.” The page was quickly folded over in her fingers before it was discarded into the water with a flick of the wrist. Continuing on her way, the pace starting out slow and cautious before picking up again. How she managed to get into the City was one question, why was another. The elf either here to settle up on the bounty the Director’s head carried, or an attempt to lure her into something else. More concerning was just how the assassin tracked her down, having never disclosed her identity in their brief meeting before the war.

I didn’t take long before the lithe figure slipped from the shadows behind the Director, watching her reaction from finding the letter with a sly smirk. Trailing behind at a respectable distance, aware that it wouldn’t take long for Kat to realize she wasn’t alone, Vynette called out, folding her arms across the chest.

"You could really teach a class on dropping off the radar, you know. I almost started to believe the rumors of your demise, Miss Hawke."

Freezing mid step, Kat cast her gaze back over the shoulder with a brow arched inquisitively. The voice was unfamiliar and to her surprise she found no Sin’dorei, but a blonde haired Quel’dorei. Equal parts skeptical and paranoid the conclusion that it was either an illusion or an associate of who she was expecting. Inquiring further before taking any action.

"Hard to teach a class on gettin' held prisoner at sea." The words fell cold, features displaying the full level at which she was unamused. "Do I know ya'?"

"I suppose I'm drier thank you remember. Oh, and my eyes are blue now, so I suppose I should forgive you for forgetting me. Though it was a good kiss," Vyn pointed out, tossing the flat stone she palmed across the surface of the water. "Now that I think about it, I think I technically have a contract to kill you. Damnedest thing though; there seems to be no trace of my employer, so I suppose you luck out there."

That was the confirmation needed, the Quel’dorei merely an illusion.

Without missing a beat the Director had blinked through the shadows and had the elven woman pinned to the wall along the other side of the boardwalk. A dagger drawn within a second from the shadows and the blade pressed firmly against the woman's throat. Kat's left eye glazed over in a void-purple hue, a clear indication that the unnatural speed of her reflexes had a magical aid. Her gaze narrowed harshly and her tone dropped low, nearly a primal growl. "Ya' have thirty seconds to explain yer business here before I open yer throat like a gutted fish. Whether or no' I believe ya' will be seen. I lost friends in both Teldrassil and Lordaeron, ya' monsters don' deserve any mercy after that."

Teeth bared in a grunt, yet Vynette managed to forced herself to remain composed, despite the steel pressed against her throat.

"Okay, okay. No foreplay, straight to business," She grumbled, Kat’s gaze narrowing and the blade twisting just enough to shave the top layer of skin. "Alright! You're not the only one who's suffered an upheaval lately. I'm still looking into the who and how, but I was framed for being an Alliance spy. Every source I have says I'm kill on sight."

Vyn considered trying to slip away from Kat or get herself out of her compromising position, but showing her competency seemed less important at the moment than proving she was not a threat or an enemy. "It's a dangerous world to be in the Horde's crosshairs right now without protection. I've never been a Horde loyalist. I'm a pragmatist. If I'm already accused of being an Alliance spy, it seems smarter to find a role as one. The only place more dangerous than being on one side is being between both."

Meeting the Director’s gaze, Vyn did not shy away from the deep void hue that stared back at her. She was an assassin; she knew the shadows well enough not to fear them. "In my research for the previously mentioned hit job, you seemed like the kind of woman who could value a useful resource. Also, sun and stars, you're strong."

"Get kicked to the curb fer no' bein' loyal, so try yer luck on the other side an' hope the same doesn' happen. No' loyal before, why would ya' be now?" Kat stepped further in, applying pressure against the woman pinned to the masonry. "Keep jumpin' the fence an' ya'll eventually get impaled upon it. Perhaps it's better fer ya' that ya' didn' fully pursue said contract, wouldn' have ended well."

"It was a suspicious contract anyway," Vyn dismissed, her breathing controlled to minimize any contact with Kat's blade. "I'm not loyal to factions, that's fair enough. I can be loyal to people."

That seemed to catch the Director’s attention, loyalty to people over a cause or faction.

Vyn's blue eyes dropped, meeting the planks below their feet. "I am my work. I had two lives and one of those is fucked now. All I am now is an asset looking for use. I don't question orders and I don't have qualms with what I'm told to do. You could kill me and the world has one less elf, and good for you. Your files suggest you're more practical than that. It's an offer worth at least considering, isn't it?"

The Director's gaze searched the blue hues of the illusioned woman, remaining narrowed in both suspicion and caution, refusing to move or let Vynette free. "Ya' claim to be loyal to people, yet where is the evidence of such?"

"My employers," Vyn replied immediately, shifting her gaze upward to lock with Kat’s. "I've never given them up. I've never turned on them. I've never compromised my ability to perform a job. I had people I worked with consistently. I'm never going to bite the hand that feeds me."

"And wot of them now?"

"One wants me dead. One I'm amicable with. I have no intentions of giving up either; that's part of my own contract I keep til I die." The assassin sighed, feel a rare and raw sense of loss.

A low hum rolled in the back of the Director's throat as she considered Vynette's words and proposition. "Consider them all dead, fer yer own sake." The words were spoken dry as the finger around the hilt of the dagger released, the weapon vanishing in a dark and thick cloud of shadows. Backing away, she freeing the woman from the vice like pin against the wall, arms crossing beneath her bust as weight was shifted to one leg. The left eye returned to it's amber tone but the death like glare remained. "I'll need a reason to trust ya', yer only gettin' one chance. Don' fuck it up." Turning as she spoke, the Kat carried on in her initial path.

Vyn let out a breath of relief, glad to have finished her conversation without a new battle wound. She raised a hand to the faint slice on her throat with a nod. "Don't intend to, ma'am." She assumed she'd get more details eventually; for now, she would not press the issue.

Amber hues glanced back over her shoulder. "Ya' were intended to follow..." Her tone indicating clear annoyance, though gait remained unchanged.

"Oh. Duh. Right." Vyn took hastened steps to fall back in line with Kat as she walked.

"Hopefully ya' read a target better than a situation." She mumbled. "Just so happens a have yer one chance now." A bare hand slipped down to retrieve the envelope from pocket within the coat, holding it up between two fingers at the woman. "Don' read it, don' open it."

Taking the offered item in one hand Vynette further inquired. "Not reading it, not opening it. What do you need me to do with it, ma'am?"

"Switch it out." She stated, bluntly. Stopping their path at the bottom of a flight of stairs, Kat nodded upward. "Second buildin' on the right. One yet switchin' with will be on the third floor, either on or in a desk of the main physicians office."

Ambers quickly returned, pinning the elf beneath her gaze. "Don' fuck it up."

Vyn glanced at the envelope, carefully storing it so it remained unbent. “On it, boss.”

Second building on the right, third floor, unless Vyn misheard due to the director’s accent. She would have to get used to that. After assessing the buildings, she slipped into the alleyway between the third and fourth buildings to the left. The area around her target building was too well lit and visible for her liking. The alleyway she chose was dark, dank, and the wall fixtures on the third building were better for climbing.

And climb she did, carefully moving from handhold to foothold until she made it to the shingled roof of the building, looking out at her target. She pulled up her hood and the mask she liked to wear beneath it, scanning the windows. One open window on the fourth floor. Not ideal, but it would do. Taking a steadying breath, Vyn got a running start on the roof, leaping and vanishing into a puff of smoke as she slipped into the shadows. Given her namesake, it only made sense she was familiar with the shadow magic of her craft.

With a quiet tumble, Vyn was in an abandoned office on the fourth floor. She moved to the door and pressed her ear to it. No sounds from the hallway and nothing causing the floorboards to shake. Silently, she opened the door and slipped into the hall, looking for a staircase.

Vyn left the stairwell and entered the third floor just in time to hear footsteps approaching. Jumping up, she braced herself against the walls of the narrow hallway to remain overhead, slipping into stealth, holding her breath as guards walked through the hall, under her, and into the stairwell. When she was certain the coast was clear, she fell silently to the floor and made a beeline for the room Kat directed her to find.

Sure enough, when she determined which room was the office of the main physician, there was an envelope sitting squarely on the desk in front of the chair. Nothing seemed to be a trap, but she still handled the envelope cautiously as she replaced it. With the swap complete and with the faint reverberations of footfalls returning to the floor, Vyn opened the window and slipped out. Hanging from the ledge, she closed the window, just as she found it, and fell to the ground below.

Vyn gave herself three minutes to ensure there was no alarm sounded or ruckus caused by her appearance, and once she was clear, she found Kat and handed her the physician’s envelope. She had no clue what was in the envelope, but that did not matter. “Done and done, ma’am.”

With a deep hum of moderate approval, the Director took the envelope from the woman, quickly stashing it away into the lining of her pocket after ensuring it had remained sealed.

"Well done. I'll be in touch. Don' go far." She spoke flat, with the faintest hint of a smile on her lips. Pivoting on one leg Kat took her leave towards to center of Boralus, her gait quick and with purpose.

[ @lovelydeadlysocialite ]