#it's not going anywhere

[dellovestorant]

Cannot believe a twitter post led to someone creating a petition which led to said petition being presented in parliament and referred to the prime minister. All because Oscar Piastri won in Hungary. Oh the power.

[papermint-airplane]

I hate it when I have Ideas™ because then I have to figure out how to execute those Ideas™ and it becomes a whole big thing and I'm super drained but my Ideas™ are the only thing sparking any excitement in me right now.

So I guess I'm going to have to start experimenting with ReShades again because it's part of my Ideas™ (Is this getting old yet? Too damn bad, I'm not gonna stop doing it). It's just...you know...I have no idea what I'm doing.

[spinfader]

Every transition timeline is amazing because everyone looks 100% healthier or happier after transitioning.

I've seen so many happy trans people today and I want to see more of us in the future.

Edit: First pic is the day right before I started HRT. Second was last week. Time flies.

[blueskittlesart]

maryland miku

[tomahachi12]

That’s how that works, right?

[canisalbus]

Stress management Machete doodles.

[erigold13261]

Small story/anecdote thingy I think. Just some feelings about the Eriverse and junk that I need to deal with at some point instead of pushing it to the back of my mind.

You know how when you play a game so much, usually a game like Sims or a simulator game (Stardew Valley or others like that), and you hit a point you want to just start over with a fresh batch?

I get that feeling a lot with those games. I would make one family of sims and turn off aging just so I can be with them for a long time. Then I would get bored, make them have kids and have a small spark of fun for a bit before wanting to reset everything and start from the beginning all over again.

It happens a lot with idle games too. The struggle of the beginning is the most fun part to me. So getting so far into the game there is nothing else to do just makes it pointless, so restarting is the only way I can really find motivation to keep playing.

I say all of this because I've honestly been wanting to reset everything recently. Maybe because the Eriverse is getting really complex and fleshed out (definitely not a bad thing at all), but it's becoming like... overwhelming? Maybe that's the word for it?

Like I am definitely having fun! There is no doubt about that! But the story was not made with other media in mind. It was just supposed to be NSR and NSR only. And even then, I've gotten so far into my own headcanons for NSR characters I have been thinking of resetting myself and my mind for a long while in this area.

I think this is why I like AUs so much. It gives me a break from the longer storyline as a whole and allows me to play with different aspects of a character I find important than the ones I ended up originally choosing.

This is also a thing I do in Sims and Idle games. I will play the first round for a very long time, getting really far until I get bored. Take a break, and then reset. But each reset is just shorter and shorter until I abandon the game for a LONG time and come back to have along playthrough again before doing my shorter resets.

I used to have a story with multiple medias in my mind (mostly animes, creepypastas, and horror movie villains) that I kept up for YEARS. Like all throughout middle and high school. Very in depth and complicated. Similar to how I am doing the Eriverse.

And I just gave up on it. Haven't thought about that stuff in YEARS until this moment. It was the center of my life and I just gave it up because I found something more fun at the time? I think that is what happened to me.

Anyway, I don't know why I said this. Just something I've been feeling for a very long time. It happened in a few roleplays I did when I was younger too. I just kept making it more and more complex, and that kind of like... ruined it? I guess.

I'm not saying that Eriverse is ruined for me at all. I am still very much going to continue talking about it and stuff (I still have PLENTY of stuff queued up for like another couple of weeks), but just like... maybe I'm getting burnt out because the story was never meant to be like this?

I'm sure if I had actually planned shit out I would be a lot more happy and ecstatic for this story, which is why I am really happy to think of the Future Act which is being planned for multiple media than the Present Act of the Eriverse.

I don't know. This was just a ramble. I'm not resetting anything, maybe if I do it will be a soft reset. But I guess I just wanted to say this out loud (or you know, write it out loud lol), just so that it was out there and not just stuck in my mind.

It's like this depression that hits once you lose a hyperfixation or end a really good TV show. That in-between phase that feels empty and void of a lot of emotions.

I definitely still love NSR, a lot more than any of these other medias I am talking about, but I was loosing the love for NSR a bit and decided the best course of action would be to do a crossover.

Which turned into all this Eriverse stuff. Well, I guess even before the NSpidR AU crossover stuff I was kinda running on fumes by just adding more OCs into NSR instead of playing with the canon characters themselves. Which was the start of the complexities that kinda made me want to step away from NSR in the first place.

But it feels like I have nothing else. I am not attached to any of these other medias like I am NSR. Even now, if there was no connection to NSR, I wouldn't give a shit about making art or content at all for HFR, Psychonauts, Spiderverse, Homestuck, or JJK.

NSR literally is the glue for me and I've been wanting to reset my version of NSR for at least a year, maybe 2 years now. Just to go back to canon and start making a new version of NSR that is different from the one I built up in my head after all these years.

I guess it's my AU brain doing this? Wanting to always have a new "what-if" scenario to play with? I don't know. It makes me sad.

Sad that I can't just love another media with the same love I have for NSR. I literally can only have one main media at a time until I throw it away for something else entirely. Then it becomes a sad memory or a passing thought that takes over my brain for like a week before I go back to the new main media I am in love with.

It sucks. It honestly really does. It reminds me how I just can't do major things at the same time. I can't watch JJK and read Homestuck at the same time. I can't learn to drive and be in college at the same time. I can't do shit half the time because I am too busy doing another thing.

I can't fucking multitask properly and it fucking sucks. It impacts my everyday life, work life, fandom life. It is all just one thing or nothing at all. And once I put everything into that one thing I get sick of it and want to throw away years of work just because I am bored as shit and want something new in my life.

Sorry. I don't know what I am really trying to prove at this point. I am just sick of my brain telling me to reset my ideas and headcanons over and over. I want to go back to when I first was introduced to NSR, when there was an active community, when I had a lot more online friends.

It all just feels like it fell apart and I ma just screaming into the void. Even though I fucking know I'm not because I have so many people sending me in asks and actually interacting with me.

Maybe it's because I can tell that my followers' main focus isn't NSR anymore like it used to be. I get so many more asks just about Spiderverse, Homestuck, and JJK with only a few mentions of an NSR character and it just feels like... Like I am listening to other people talking to me about their interest that I kinda share.

I know that sounds fucking rude and shitty. Because I really do love hearing other people's opinions and headcanons, even if it isn't for NSR characters, but it's almost as if I'm just not interested in hearing it, even when I am!

I actively can't think about these other media's unless they connect to NSR. And when they don't then I just can't give a shit. I have an ask for Sam and Dion sitting in my inbox that I want to answer but I just can't fucking actively think of an answer or a drawing without seeing the ask because I can't give a shit about them outside of asks!

It fucking sucks so much! I want to think more actively about these other medias! I want to be able to come up with my own headcanons and not just piggyback off of others!

Do you know how much it fucking sucks to know people want to hear my headcanons for characters like Peni, Kento, Sam, or any other character I fucking love but I literally just can't come up with shit for them at all?!

I feel fucking awful when someone puts their heart and soul into an ask about a character with such an amazing headcanon and I just can't care about it at all!

I WANT TO FUCKING CARE ABOUT IT! I WANT TO CARE ABOUT YOUR HEADCANONS! I WANT TO HAVE MY OWN I CAN ACTIVELY SHARE WITHOUT NEEDING TO BE PROMPTED FOR AN ANSWER!

This fucking shit is going nowhere! I hate this so much! I thought talking about this would make me better but it just makes me think I am not appreciating the little community I made and I fucking hate myself for it!

I really do appreciate you all for sending me in asks. I have so many I still need to answer but damn. I think the reason it takes me so long is because I just can't actively think of these characters outside of asks being sent to me.

I don't daydream about half these characters like I do with NSR characters. I wish I could, but I just can't seem to do it.

. . .

Okay, I'm done. I think I got it all, or at least mostly, out of my system. I just... wanted to share that I guess. I don't know.

Sorry. You don't have to change your asking habits for me. It's fine really. I think I just need to visit source material again for most of these media. Maybe that will spark something in me.

I did get the two Spiderverse movies recently. Maybe I'll watch those again and replay Psychonauts when I get the chance.

Anyway, anyone who actually read this, thanks. I'm not resetting or ending the Eriverse at all. This has been stuff in my mind for probably years now (even more so actually since I abandoned my first major multi-media daydream).

Hope everyone is doing good. I'm gonna eat some chocolate and watch fun videos to just ignore my problems.

[boringcore]

I hope tumblr being invested in the Kendrick Lamar v. Drake drama will inspire more people to learn about hip hop culture and appreciate rap music more instead of doing that corny "I like everything but rap" shit. This shit genuinely has an entire interesting and complex history behind it. It's never just been about the music.

[ben-learns-smth]

I always bring a book just in case but today I forgot and now I'm bored on the train, so

reblogs appreciated!

[foldingfittedsheets]

So one thing I’ve noticed is that people’s DnD characters may vary but there is usually an underlying thread that they all have in common. This thread is typically related to what that person struggles with the most.

For instance, my betrotheds DnD characters: a bitchy warlock we had to bust out of two different pacts, a sassy barbarian, a reformed drow cultist, and a sunshine fighter cleric.

All these characters were wildly different but at their very core struggle was them grappling with their self worth. My betrothed struggles with their worth a great deal and even with different facets showing their characters all have that too.

Mine all tend to contend with different themes of loneliness and acceptance. Surprise, surprise, the little autistic gremlin yearns to have been met with more love and lasting friendships.

So we’re at breakfast. I am meeting a new friend of my betrotheds for the first time. It’s been twenty minutes since I’ve met this man. I say my theory. He laughs. He starts to describe a few of his characters but specifies that he often has healing aspects. He gives a very broad overview of their character arcs.

I ponder for a moment then said, “Would you like to have my assessment?”

He laughed, “Sure!”

“We’ve just met. It’s gonna get real.”

“Bring it on.”

“I think your struggle is that you feel you must offer something of value or service to people to be worthy of their love.”

His jaw dropped. His fork froze midway to his mouth. A potato fell. He stared into space as this sank in. Quietly he said, “Oh.”

[danikatze]

[ID in alt text]

I listened to the new ep twice today

[cloudpalettes]

[wishfulsketching]

life-sustaining zaundads. i feel alive. the world is beautiful. thank you for drawing them together ❤️

Toxic old man yaoi renaissance!!!

[laragomu]

are you fcking kidding me Arthur actually took Merlin to his ANNIVERSARY DATE with his WIFE.

[yuutaguro]

its been fun! 🥖