#it's not even 10am hahaha

[herefortheships]

It happened. I have listened to the entirety of MacArthur Park. All seven and a half minutes of it, and even repeated certain parts. A song I would have never looked up on my own, all because of this hopeless romantic, moldy old poltergeist and his gorgeous middle-aged goth babe. 💚💜💚💜

[kuiinncedes]

:|

[suhlogic]

yours to have and to hold — j. suh x fem!reader

idol!johnny x non-idol!wife reader 

all written in lowercase

word count: 2,114k

genre: fluff, smut, slice of life

warnings: unprotected sex, dom/sub dynamics, praise kink, orgasm denial, overstimulation, biting kink, oral ( f receiving), squirting, use of sex toy

[7:00am]

_________ wakes up to an empty spot next to hers on the bed she and johnny shared. this has been quite the common thing in the suh household since johnny started touring once again, although the tour dates were quite far off with each other and were announced quite hastily by their company which gave them more time to spend with him, he himself really could get frustrated because their schedules as a group were also unpredictable making it hard for him to plan family vacations for them and to visit his parents back home. nevertheless, even though his agitation could be easily well-read by _______, he was beyond grateful his wife was understanding, patient, and calm. even though _____ woke up without her husband by her side that day, she grabbed her phone to facetime him for a bit. waiting for him to pick up, she walked towards their daughter's bedroom finding her stirring awake just in time for johnny to answer the call. 

______ set the phone down as she picked up margo, "hi babe, did she just wake up?" johnny asks, clearly still doing a soundcheck rehearsal. "yeah, she just did...what about you? are you done practicing?" _____ asked as she starts to notice margo crying begging for milk signaling that she was fully awake already. johnny couldn't help but pout and be so endeared at the sight of his wife and kid, as ______  was trying to calm her down by handing her the milk bottle, her cries became louder. while _____ was busy trying to feed margo, johnny had his mic turned on and began to sing pandora's box which immediately had his daughter quiet down. 

"honey, thank you...really..." _____ said with still sleepy eyes as johnny smiled with half moon eyes. the song was always his kid's favorite. "are you guys immediately going home after the concert? we miss you so much, john" she said as she turned margo to the phone facing her dad. "hi sweetie, i miss you and your mom so much...i'll be home soon okay?" he said as he raised his pinky to the camera which had you and your daughter do the same. "i'll pinky promise on that." he said with a soft smile. the call with johnny went on for a while exchanging laughters and jokes between you three before he had to hang up to prepare for the show. 

dating johnny for a good 2 years before he proposed definitely did have its ups and downs mainly due to the industry he was in, it wasn't always easy for them but the now-married couple pulled through and they couldn't have been any happier. it took a while for the company to warm up to the fact that one of their top idols was dating someone and not long after the engagement, the two of them were allowed to go public. despite the flashing lights and headlines constantly surrounding them, the suh family still managed to keep everything private although fans also knew about johnny and _______'s life. however, both of them wouldn't trade their small family for anything and were content with what they have. 

[8:30am]

________ was cooking breakfast while margo was sat on her baby chair eating her food. "hm, should we do something for daddy later?" she cooed at her daughter which was returned with a big toothless grin. after washing up, the two of them were gathered in the living room creating a small homecoming card and a banner for johnny. paint was all over margo's hand but it sure made a great bonding time for both. they were both decorating, well, mostly ______  just in time for johnny to come home tomorrow. after taking an afternoon nap with margo nestled between her chest, ______ woke up to the sound of her phone pinging.

4 text messages for johnny 

[11:00am] hi babe, how are you both doing? 

[11:10am] we just wrapped up the show, u 2 must be asleep rn hahaha

[11:15am] anyways, i got my 2 best girls gifts 💗 i love you both

[11:20am] we're otw to the airport in a few mins, cant wait to come home soon. i'll be there before you know it! <3

_______ smiled at her phone upon seeing his texts. she was counting down the hours until he gets home. margo too, noticed her mom smiling and just babbled with another grin. "daddy's coming home tomorrow bub!" she picked her up and cooed as margo's reddish cheeks lit up. margo was the perfect mix of her parents, she has her dad's smile, lips, and nose and her mom's eyes. 

[tuesday, 2:00pm]

_______ was preparing food for johnny, just a small cooking of his favorite dishes he's grown to love when she cooked it. by the time she was done, she already had margo in her arms and was giddy to see her dad. _______ could hear keys fumbling from outside which made her heart beat faster like the first time johnny introduced himself to her. no matter how many times she woke up next to him or walked into their door after a long day at the studio or from dance practice, even after touring, she still felt sparks fly. not a day goes by she was always falling in love with her husband harder and harder every minute. the door opened, johnny stood with his luggage and bag across his body wearing a black and white knitted sweater with his flared sweatpants and looked cozy as ever. 

"i'm home, honey" he smiled, pulling his wife and kid into a hug. ______ stood on her tippy toes placing a quick kiss on his lips. "babe, margo and i did something for you." she softly said as they both sat down. his luggage and bag now in the corner of the living room. johnny picked up his kid and was playing with her and handed her a gift which was a medium-sized teddy bear. "see margo, whenever i'm away you can just hug this so i'm always with you okay?" he said fondly and she melted at the sight of them bonding. the afternoon went by a breeze eating a heartily meal and talking just about everything.

[8:00pm]

as _______ was  getting ready for bed, johnny came up from behind giving her a back hug. "is she asleep already?" she asked and he just hummed in agreement against the crook of her neck. "hmm...that means we can try the gift i bought then?" you feel him smirk which made you turn to him up front. he walked over to the bed and sat on its edge to reach for a small, red, expensive box with a ribbon around it. he then handed it to her, still standing in front of him anticipating what was inside the box. johnny pulled her down to his lap to sit on, feeling his growing boner underneath her bare ass. "open it, princess... it's all for you," he said, leaning in to kiss her cheek. _______ hitched a breath as she opened the box, where a silver vibrator was sitting in its case. gleaming under the warm light of the bedside lamp. "babe... oh wow," she gasped at the unexpected gift, turning to him and locking lips with johnny. he then cupped her face as she started grinding harder against him, desperate to feel his cock inside her. "i know you would love it," he smirked as he flipped her over so he'd be on top. johnny began to fondle her tits through her (his) shirt as she started to moan begging to be touched. he slowly pulled off the shirt on her and latched his lips onto her nipple as the other hand began to massage and fondle the other one. his tongue rubbing circles and figure eights on it. 

"you look so fucking gorgeous begging for me," he said in between breaths. "johnny, please i need you down there," she pleaded giving him soft doe eyes. "gotta be clearer with your words princess..." he mischievously said, starting to rub her wetness through her shorts. "daddy....please..need you to fuck my pussy...put a baby in me..." she desperately begged between cries of pleasure, cheeks flushed. johnny loved seeing her be this submissive all for him, her pleas made him smirk and with this, he pulled down her shorts, the wet slick glistening against her pussy as johnny rubbed his middle finger through her dripping core. "you like this, slut? just so good for me, so desperate for my fingers and cock." he said in a dark yet sultry tone while he inserted two fingers which elicited a moan from her as he began to also rub the sensitive bud of her clit with his thumb. while scissoring his fingers inside her, he went down on her. 

face coming in contact with her core and started to eat her out while fingering her. "babe...i'm fucking close...please..." she whined. "you don't get to cum until i say so princess..." he said, coming up from eating her out. the lack of contact making her beg for more, johnny then reached for the box where the vibrator was and took it out as he turned it on the low setting. "tell me if the vibrator hurts okay? i'll stop if it does." he says gently kissing her forehead as he started to rub it against her clit. she let out a loud moan at the sensation, screams and whines begging for more.  she was nearing her high when all of a sudden johnny turned off the vibrator, covered in her slick. "daddy...please i've been good let me cum...." she begged with tears filling her eyes at the mix of pleasure and pain. feeling the knot in her stomach gradually loosen, johnny then pulled off his boxers. his cock rock hard, long, and girthy. 

no matter how many time she got fucked by him, his size is something she could never get used to. johnny was huge in every sense of the word and it definitely worked in both their favors in the bedroom. he then rubbed the tip of his dick through her slit, aching and begging for him to just put it inside of her. johnny hissed at the contact, it had been too long...way too fucking long for both of them since they made love like this. "johnny...please put it in..." she whined once more before he gently inserted his length slowly pounding into her. the stretch stung at first but it felt so good. as he held the small of her back to sit her up, johnny grabbed the vibrator once more and set it on the medium setting as he rubbed it up against her swollen clit. as his thrusts got faster,  she cried out moans of pleasure screaming his name.

 "daddy...oh my god...please...harder" she moaned while johnny just smirked saying "there's no god here baby, it's only me." while staring straight into her eyes, all fucked out with a cockdrunk gaze. johnny switched the vibrator to its highest setting and  ______ was seeing stars at how good it felt as her husband was fucking his dick into her and not long after she felt her release washing over her. "fuck...always so tight around me, i'm cumming..." johnny gritted through his teeth as she nibbled on the skin of his collarbone suppressing her moans not to wake their daughter up or the neighbors for that matter. "princess, i wanna hear you...don't hide from daddy," he said, thrusting harder and sloppier as _______ felt his dick touch her cervix. she pulled away from his collarbone and kept moaning and screaming in pure bliss. ________ felt a different wave of climax over her, "johnny, more please...i'm close...let me cum," she pleaded, "i'm close too princess..." he said as let go. "baby, i didn't know you were a squirter,"  he smiled in awe looking down at the mess of a puddle she made on their bedsheet. with this, she was too fucked out and just let johnny hold her in his strong, toned arms for a while until johnny got up to get a hand towel to wipe both of themselves. 

"you were so hot squirting, babe. i wanna make you do that again." he said, kissing her inner thighs before actually wiping the dried cum off her. 

after cleaning up, the couple dozed off to sleep not long after whispering i love you's and laughters in between the sheets that were only covering their naked bodies tangled in one another. johnny wouldn't have it any other way having _____ be this delicate asleep in his arms.

[manybcdthings]

Describe the character's typical daily routine FOR FELIX HAHAHAHA

His isn't as lame as Oskar's but it's definitely worse HAHAHA

I think he has a natural body clock to be an early riser, but it's something he hates. He probably wakes up at 6am or 7am but with no idea why he's awake at that time and tries to go back to sleep.

When he was a good boy, he probably stayed awake, and scrolled social media, texted people and went to the gym and had a healthy breakfast. And then a cigarette with his coffee. He probably got into the office late still for a small while, like five or ten minutes and it gradually improved to a few minutes late lmao.

These days I think he goes back to sleep and doesn't wake up properly until 10am, if he's hungover and having a comedown he'll literally stare at the ceiling for a while. His days are aimlessly spent now, but I get the impression he still is mindful of the importance of getting some fresh air or going to the gym. He'll show up VERY late to work, like it's pointless he's even there.

If he doesn't show up at all, which is more likely, he's somewhat retreated until later on in the day when his preferred social circles all start up with plans. Usually ends up with his apartment full of people he doesn't even care about but there's drugs and alcohol until he passes out and it happens all over again.

[r-ene]

10.22.22

Midterm exam week routine and recap: 10/17 to 10/20.

had our exams face to face and boy it was exhausting, but I'm proud of myself for surviving, passing and being able to arrive at uni at the same time everyday, haha

my routine went like this:

3AM: wake up, shower, some quick make up and double checking things to bring

4AM: breakfast while reading through notes - spent an hour with eating so I won't shock my digestive system because it's very inconvenient to speed through this and your stomach suddenly wants to let go of some baggage, yk?

5:10AM: leave for commute - I take 3 modes of transportation to get to uni and back

6:10AM: uni arrival (yes it's been consistent that I arrive at this time even if I wake up at 4AM, hahaha)

8:30AM: usual start of exams until about 11:30 or 1:30PM

the gap between this and my arrival to uni consists of a 7-11 visit for some sandwich or onigiri and studying at the uni student's garden conference area. morning fresh air is great, it eases my mind despite not being able to cover all that I need to study the day before then I leave uni usually before 3PM so I won't have to get stressed on the way home as well since rush hour starts at that time.

5PM: estimate time I usually arrive home since I run some errands once I get off near our village in front of a grocery

The rest of the evening I try to study but most times by 10PM my brain isn't functioning anymore that's why arriving at uni really early has been an important part of my routine this exam week, but after Wednesday's exam of pulmonary pathology and research I just hibernated when I got home at 2PM until 12MN, hahaha. The following day's exam was fortunately easy and I've already reviewed on the commute home so I could pay off some sleep debt

12MN: latest time to go to bed for at least 3hrs of sleep

with this post, I hope for those who also had an exhausting week to relax and unwind this weekend !! I made myself some tteokbokki to enjoy with some beer and Howl's yesterday as a celebration and a pat on the back for surviving and passing :)

[kithtaehyung]

Okay so I literally read broken part 2, first thing in the morning, it was like 10am (Saturday) here... I don't even know what I was expecting but several hours later... I am ready to talk about it. 1.The smut, on another level... nothing to say about it except maybe we are all somewhat thirsty hoes.

2.The hints about bro being sus. I died at "is this about yoongi", not to mention the phone call.

3.The foreshadowing, hot as hell keep going, I am already hooked so wtf not!

4.L-bombs, RYEN!!!! 😩😩😩

Yoongi saying he liked having OC around, we knew... But he SAID it 😭😭😭

😭😭😭😭

oh my gosh you read this first thing in the morning? what a way to wake up HAHAHA. talk about a shot of 3tan in the morning whewww. but i'm glad you were able to talk about it later!

throwing your bro side-eyes in the bag klsdjfdkls we're gonna see how it all goes down in due time. and the foreshadowing was a huge part of this. whew!

Yoongi saying he liked having OC around, we knew... But he SAID it 😭😭😭

THIS PART HAD ME MELTINGGGGGGGG

[violetsditsyrainbow]

Welcome home: to be or to not be tickled (tk/fluff story line) pt.6

Non storyline requests can be made! With any characters, just canon characters, y/n and canon, y/n and violet, violet and canon, any character requests can be made, these not storyline drabbles can affect the story though (if characters get closer somthing is learned about another character, maybe even relationships)

“Sally,… it’s 10am” I say after being dragged to what looks like a mini theater “I know I’ve brought you and violet here since no one else would help me with my play!” She said as she posed dramatically, I hear violet giggle a little, she normally puts effort into stifling those. though she woke up ten minutes ago I think it may be the sleep hysterics. “Me nor violet can act, I’m not good at “playing the part” and violet is still waking up” violet must have taken that as a sign and shook her self awake putting that happy go lucky dork grin back on her face. “Oh come on I really want to do this part of this really cool act and-“ “is there gonna be any play or show live for this?” I interrupted sally “no?” “Then why are we doing this? I have packages to open and violet has some kind of project I bet you!” I say trying to reason with sally but my arguments land on deaf ears. “Sounds like some ones just scared” sally said trying to pressure me into doing the play “😒” the more this argument goes on I hear y/n trying to stifle her laughter, now I know she’s woken up. Sally continues “sounds like some ones a bit chicken!” “😐” violet starts blushing a tad bit stifling her laughter using her hands to cover the bottom half of her face. “Bawk bawk!” Sally continues to make teasing joke so I walk over to her and decide I’ve had enough. So I grab her sides and start tickling her. “Bawhahahaahaak! Waihahait a mohohohmemt!” She tumbles to the floor and i follow still tickling her. She try’s to bat my hands away. “Violet some help please!” Violet looks at me nods and holds Sally’s arms above her head “HAHAHA THIHIHIHS IHIHIS NOHO FAIR!” “Neither was you dragging violet practically out of her bed!” “Thahahats dihihiFRENT!!” She suddenly yelps when my hands spider to her armpits! Violet looks at me and gently sits on her knees to keep Sally’s hands above her head without using her hands. I slow down my tickling and violet starts lightly scraping her nails against Sally’s rays “Cochis Cochie coo~ you have such a cute laugh!” Violet says in a baby voice “*uncontrollable giggling*” does being a daycare attendant leave this much of an affect on people? Cause it’s amusing! “APPLES!” Sally yells which violet instantly stopped so I did as-well, it must be the neighborhood safe word. Violet takes a water bottle out of her bag and hands it to the giddy star while hugging her so she’s not still on the floor. “That was fun!” Violet says enthusiastically “it hehe was.” Sally says tiredly. “I’m to tired to do the part so you guys can go, thanks for the laugh by the way!” I say my goodbyes and leave to go home, needing coffee after that. Violet stayed with sally to keep her company. But time to focus now! I need to open my packages!

I’d like to think because of sallys bold personality she's kind of a tickle monster in the neighborhood and not many people have heard her "tickle laugh before"

[nice2meetyouu]

Help Desk

'Di ko gets bakit parang gusto na ako ipasa ng agent sa iba. 'Di niya ba kayang iresolve 'yung isyu? Pero what bothers me ay 'yung diagnosis niya—wala raw akong access sa original file kaya gano'n. Hello, nagtry nga tayo ng offline file, nasa akin mismo, tapos same outcomes. Syempre nagprotesta ako, lalo na naaaccess ko naman 'yun a few days ago then all of a sudden, wala na akong access pag sa app. Pero online meron naman. How do you even explain na naaaccess ko sya online kung wala akong access kamo sa original file? Ang frustrating ng experience. Kapwa pinoy pa man din 'tong nasa helpdesk ng client.

Also, 'di ko gets bakit 'yung panggabing agent ang na-assign sa akin. Nagmemessage sya at 2am pero within 9am-6pm naman ang regular business hours, within that timeframe ko rin sinend 'yung inquiry. 'Di ko nareplyan at 2am so sabi niya ano daw 'yung convenient time for me. Sabi ko 10am UTC+8. Sabi niya sorry kasi panggabi siya (in english) at irereassign na lang daw 'yung ticket ko sa pang-umaga. Pero today bigla lang din siyang tumawag past 2pm nang walang pasabi. Nagising tuloy nanay ko sa ringtone (nagchacharge kasi ako sa kwarto). Bakit pa tinanong kung anong oras 'yung convenient sa akin?

Hay nako, be upfront na lang kaysa 'yung ganito na magulo. 'Di rin sya masyadong friendly, may gusto pa akong sabihin e nagta-talk over na sa akin. May deadline ba 'yan? Dapat within 20 minutes tapos na? At syempre hindi lang naman ito ang first unhelpful attempt nila. Every time may nireraise ako, wala namang naresolve maski isa. Hanap ka na lang ng sariling workaround. Bakit pa naghelpdesk kung wala lang din? Hahaha.

And to be fair, sa client side lang naman may endless issues na 'di nasosolve. Internally, proactive at prompt naman 'yung IT people sa pag-help with technical issues.

[milascenta]

December 18th 12:10am

I was going to wait until Monday to post this after I had a bit more information on my situation, but I saw her last post and I wanted to post a quick one just to see if I can help her a bit. 

Those pictures you posted, just wow. Those views are so beautiful, I’m so proud of you for going to America for a MONTH too that’s insane. Your new tattoos are amazing, I love the bat one it’s so well done and beautiful, and something I would totally get hehe. I also like the otter, looks like a good boi. Your sister’s dog is gorgeous but omg I think I would step on her too with that rug ahah. And you, you look more beautiful than the last I saw you, I’m glad time was kind to one of us hehe. Thank you for posting pictures of yourself, I know its hard, its a bit weird for me, so I'm proud of you for doing it. That dress is so fucking goth and so fucking beautiful on you, I'm at a loss for words. I love your glasses, I don’t know how but they make your eyes look even more breathtaking. 

I’m so sorry you’ve been having a rough time recently. This time of the year finds ways to truly stress us out, regardless of it being the Christmas/holiday season. It’s unfair the people around weren’t being supportive and leaving you out of things. I hope that day is just an outlier and that it isn’t something that’s common for you. I know you’re strong enough to get through it, to rise above it, I truly believe that. Oh the cold sounds horrible without a way to heat up, I wish I could be there to help you, snuggle you up. Yeah shit is expensive right now hahaha. But that’s ok, it won’t always be, and money is just money. 

You’ve not left my mind either. I know the time I post this you might be getting ready for your Christmas party. I hope you have fun and get to let loose and relax. I’ll be thinking of you, so when you’re trying on your new dress and earrings I hope you feel more confident in them and go and beat the cold in it hehe. I’ve been able to see much of the moon recently. Too overcast at night, and it’s been setting quite early. But I’ll try and get a glimpse of it soon and think of you. 

I’ll post something larger on Monday, I’ve got a doctor appointment which should have more answers as to why I was in hospital a while ago, also I’ll explain more about that too. (Don’t worry nothing super serious, just blood clots lol)

I just hope you can sleep a bit more soundly at night, and have fun on Saturday. You deserve it. 

I think I see you down every fucking street..

[alliynl]

05/12/25

09:10am 📍Philippines

Hiiii here’s a life update about what happened in April, last week in school and overall in my life rn😉

I’m happy very much, I met him, I talk to him, to conclude that he’s the reason why I’m happy rn.

He makes me happy by complimenting me, chikas with him, the way he treats me, just by looking at him I felt really thankful I got him, he’s giving me amazing and memorable gifts, he treats me so nice in a way I don’t even know how I got him or pulled him😝 if I will have a message to him il tell him “hii my kit, thankyouu so much for coming into my life, i know we have been talking for 1 month pa lang but every second, every hour, and day in that 1 month has been amazing, I wish we could bond more:(, thankyou for all those chikas, compliments and for your time, I wish it could never end and we could do new/old stuff for a long time yk. I know we have been on tough times but we got each other now so I hope if you have problems or you are in a tough situation right now I hope you can tell me and let’s go through it 2gether🤞🏻. Remember you are always pogi, nice, smart, talented in every single way that’s why I love you okay? Always remember you have me no matter what😚❤️‍🔥”

Last week of school has been happy, no Chinese exams🥳 but we do have English exams but ngl it’s fine hahaha, ngl I cried at the last day of normal class days cos of my teacher okay? Her words are really touching she told us that even if life gets tough on us remember we always have people who can make it memorable and amazing, always rest daw and never forget to be happy😣 classmates and friends, I appreciate them a lot, they also the reason why classroom don’t feel like a strange and quiet place for me:) im wishing that i can’t be repeated or changed in another section againn🤧🤞🏻(manifesting for good grades and passing grades💯)

I will probably end it here cos idk how to continue it pa👺

[jenny-from-the-bau]

sometimes I forget how early I start work hahaha I'm like "ugh, it's been hours and I'm so bored" and it isn't even 10am lol

[apexart-journal]

Mvelo Mahlangu in NYC, Day 24

Last night before sleeping I had been doing research on the best way I could get to Governor's Island from Manhattan. Even though governors Island opens at 7am, I could only see that Ferry’s were going over from 10am, and I needed to be there at 9:00am. So as a just incase, I decided to get to the ferry terminal at 9:00am. Once I got to the terminal, I was asked to walk further down the road to catch another ferry as their ferries were not operating. I finally was able to catch a ferry which only took 8 minutes to cross over. Hopping off and as I walked further into the Island, I was met with an eerie feeling that also produced curiosity. There was almost no one in sight and everything was empty and I was surrounded by abandoned old buildings. This would be the perfect place to shoot films. It also truly reminded me of The Walking Dead, hahaha. I finally got to the Earth Matter post, where I would be helping with composting. When I arrived there were only 4 people which got me a little worried as I was expecting other volunteers. Turns out, The 4 people on site where the workers and carers of Earth Matter, and they had sent an email to people late last night that they were cancelling the volunteer program today due to weather concerns. Haha! They asked if I wanted to still stay which I said yes to because why pass up the chance? I learnt about the composting projects that Earth Matter had been doing for years, and the process behind it - which was so interesting. The compost mounds, due to natural bacterial reactions, would release heat. These heaps were steaming and when I measured the temperature, it was sitting at 160 Fahrenheit (71 degrees Celsius), which is insanely hot, even in the winter cold. They had chickens on site who would benefit from the compost heaps by catching worms. I even got to hold one for the first time and her name was Angel! I was put to work on shovelling up and bagging the refined compost which would be sent all over NY to community gardens with Green Thumb being the distributor. It was a full circle moment because of may previous activities with community gardens, I was able to see the bigger picture and different elements that would help contribute to the survival of community gardens. I really want to find communities like this in South Africa and get involved. 

The one person I was working with, David, who works for Earth Matter, told me about their very recent struggles with government funding for Earth Matter. For the last 15 years, Earth Mater would get funding from government to keep the organisation running as they fell under the sanitations sector by collecting and converting household scraps and turning them into compost which would help community gardens grow plants, fruits and vegetables all over NY allowing for Zero Waste. However, since Eric Adams has come into office, his cabinet have seen no reason to continue the funding which puts Earth Matter and their vision of a Zero Waste Island at huge risk. From what I’ve heard so far about Eric Adams, I’m really not liking him. David also shared a lot of history about Governor's Island and how it came to be. After finishing up, and thanking the team for letting me stay and help, I made my way back to the ferry and off the Island. Since I had a big gap of time until my last activity, I had planned to meet 2 people. One was Donna from The Bronx who had just come back from a trip to Johannesburg, and whom I got connected to through my mother when they met at the SGI Buddhist centre as we are all practicing buddhists. The other person was Sonia who had just come back from her fellowship in Uruguay. 

What was funny about meeting with Donna was that she suggested we go for Thai food, which coincidentally was what Nia, over a week ago, had put on my calendar to try out but I still had not done so. I was in some ways killing 2 birds with one stone, hahaha. One main takeaway from my meeting with Donna was her experience of having to deal with the transition of working and then retiring. She used to be a principal at a school for years and just recently retired, which was such a huge transition for her as she had to now find a new purpose and identity for herself outside of being a teacher & principal. And so it took her 4 years to get to a point where she’s learning new things about herself, and surprising herself by opening up to things she would have never said yes to. This made me think of my mom and how she will navigate this transition in the next couple years. I also loved how Donna’s experience coincided with my time in NY, where I was being exposed to new things and learning what’s not so much for me and what I want to do more of.

After meeting with Donna, I walked my way over to Washington Park to meet with Sonia. The huge archway when approaching the park was so beautiful and reminded me of the one in Paris. I had arrived 30 minutes earlier, so sat and people watched then started reading the book that Nancy gave me. While people watching, I noticed that there were so many young people out and about, skating, talking and doing activities together, which made sense because we were in the middle of the NYU campus buildings. Sonia and her husband arrived thankfully bringing some tea which we could all sip on and keep warm as we sat on the benches. It felt wholesome being able to make a plan to meet after having only met over zoom. We had a lovely chat for nearly 2 hours and I got to know more about her and her husband. As we got up to part ways, the sun was setting and had the sky painted in beautiful hues of pink and purple while buildings & street lights started coming on. I think this is the best sunset I’ve experienced during my time here. Sonia took a photo of me under the arches with the pink skies in the background. 

Walking back over to the apartment I could help but feel a little sad that I would be leaving this beautiful place called NY. I then prepared myself for the Gotham writing Zoom session which I interpreted as Improv but for writers. Once the session began, we were given an audio prompt, which sounded like a busy restaurant. We were given 15 minutes to come up with something and then if we wanted, we could share our writings. I wrote mine from a perspective of how the sounds made me feel and how much of a sensory overload it was, as if I was physically experiencing this as well. I didn’t share my writing but listened to other peoples pieces and wow, they were very descriptive not just in the feelings of the sounds but also creating a picture of being in a restaurant with silverware in front of them and all the people around. We were given another prompt, this time a word. We did the same thing and finished the zoom session. That was interesting and fun as I had never done Gotham writing before or even heard of it before. With a couple hours left before 9pm, I thought I could maybe squeeze in a visit to the Whitney Museum but then decided I’d rather do it tomorrow with all the other museums and galleries I would be seeing tomorrow.

[francyblogs]

HEY GUYS IT'S ME AGAIN FRANCY, AND THIS IS MY 2ND WEEK OF MY DAILY BASIS

Monday morning I immediately feel very drained and very tired even though I haven't done anything, because I'm coughing and my throat is very sore, and I forgot about the midterm examination as in I didn't really do a review because I didn't feel really feel good, but I also survived the examination even without a review and we finished the exam around 6pm, and we have prepared dinner and when we finish doing what we have to do, we watch a movie together with Ma'am Ajoy and while watching I was doing an inventory. It's Tuesday in the morning as my routine I woke up early and I take a shower and it seems like i can't go in because I'm not feeling well because of my headache and I feel like I'm going to get sick but I chose to go in, because I don't want to skip a subject, and in the afternoon I did inventory again and after that we ate and then we watched the movie again, and after that I went to the room to sleep. On the next day It's Wednesday I'm feeling tired because my cough and cold got worse as in, but I took medicine so it wouldn't get worse and after that I took inventory again and again HEHEHE. and I went to bed early because I felt like I had a fever. Hey guys It's Thursday, its our PE time and it is (gymnastic) and we did exercise and after that I'm not feeling well again because I have asthma but I can handle it because it's not too bad. Friday in the morning my body was very sore maybe because of the exercise we did yesterday, and today I was going to go home early but I didn't because Ma'am Ajoy, Ate Pat and Ma'am Sandra were leaving and they going to Naga for the congress of all SSG, and no one will be left at school and no one will look the canteen so I didn't go home, and when I came I saw the HRS students, because they were going to cook, and I was watching them while walking and I feel like I'm their supervisor HAHAHA so funny and in the afternoon I went home with Kuya Erwin. November 28 and it is Saturday, It's mira's birthday, I woke up at 7 am because kuya Erwin woke up early to take a bath and I remembered that's why he woke up early and took a bath because the Spjians basketball player had a game in the Binalay. I would like to come/watch but I can't because there is a lot to do because there is an event here at home, at 10am we clean up the messes at home and organize toys, and in the afternoon Ate Malou and I design for birthday party at around 6 Kuya Erwin's family arrived, and the children were happily playing in our mini playground here at home, while we were waiting for Kuya Erwin, we prayed the rosary first and then they came Kuya Erwin, Ma'am Ajoy and Sir Ryan, and we had dinner and while we were eating Ma'am Ajoy suddenly started talking about the game that happened earlier, she said it was cheesy like that HAHAHA. And while she was talking I was jealous because I wasn't I attended and I didn't see my crush playing basketball hahaha so funny right and after eating we chatted first and later the guests left and we rested. Sunday in the morning, there was a lot to do like cleaning the house/washing/folding clothes, and after Angel and I did all that we fell asleep because we did so much, and later ate Malou woke us up because we were going to church, and we went to church at the Basilica Minore of Our Lady of Peñafrancia and after we went to church we went to kuya Erwin's house because they said we were going to sleep here, and that's all that happened during my whole week

soooo funny because all week I have a cough and a cold haha

[francyblogsblog]

HEY GUYS IT'S ME AGAIN FRANCY, AND THIS IS MY 2ND WEEK OF MY DAILY BASIS

Monday morning I immediately feel very drained and very tired even though I haven't done anything, because I'm coughing and my throat is very sore, and I forgot about the midterm examination as in I didn't really do a review because I didn't feel really feel good, but I also survived the examination even without a review and we finished the exam around 6pm, and we have prepared dinner and when we finish doing what we have to do, we watch a movie together with Ma'am Ajoy and while watching I was doing an inventory. It's Tuesday in the morning as my routine I woke up early and I take a shower and it seems like i can't go in because I'm not feeling well because of my headache and I feel like I'm going to get sick but I chose to go in, because I don't want to skip a subject, and in the afternoon I did inventory again and after that we ate and then we watched the movie again, and after that I went to the room to sleep. On the next day It's Wednesday I'm feeling tired because my cough and cold got worse as in, but I took medicine so it wouldn't get worse and after that I took inventory again and again HEHEHE. and I went to bed early because I felt like I had a fever. Hey guys It's Thursday, its our PE time and it is (gymnastic) and we did exercise and after that I'm not feeling well again because I have asthma but I can handle it because it's not too bad. Friday in the morning my body was very sore maybe because of the exercise we did yesterday, and today I was going to go home early but I didn't because Ma'am Ajoy, Ate Pat and Ma'am Sandra were leaving and they going to Naga for the congress of all SSG, and no one will be left at school and no one will look the canteen so I didn't go home, and when I came I saw the HRS students, because they were going to cook, and I was watching them while walking and I feel like I'm their supervisor HAHAHA so funny and in the afternoon I went home with Kuya Erwin. November 28 and it is Saturday, It's mira's birthday, I woke up at 7 am because kuya Erwin woke up early to take a bath and I remembered that's why he woke up early and took a bath because the Spjians basketball player had a game in the Binalay. I would like to come/watch but I can't because there is a lot to do because there is an event here at home, at 10am we clean up the messes at home and organize toys, and in the afternoon Ate Malou and I design for birthday party at around 6 Kuya Erwin's family arrived, and the children were happily playing in our mini playground here at home, while we were waiting for Kuya Erwin, we prayed the rosary first and then they came Kuya Erwin, Ma'am Ajoy and Sir Ryan, and we had dinner and while we were eating Ma'am Ajoy suddenly started talking about the game that happened earlier, she said it was cheesy like that HAHAHA. And while she was talking I was jealous because I wasn't I attended and I didn't see my crush playing basketball hahaha so funny right and after eating we chatted first and later the guests left and we rested. Sunday in the morning, there was a lot to do like cleaning the house/washing/folding clothes, and after Angel and I did all that we fell asleep because we did so much, and later ate Malou woke us up because we were going to church, and we went to church at the Basilica Minore of Our Lady of Peñafrancia and after we went to church we went to kuya Erwin's house because they said we were going to sleep here, and that's all that happened during my whole week

soooo funny because all week I have a cough and a cold haha

[cottonheadedninnymugggins]

CROCODILE TEARS HELP ME😭😭

me when i love writing fics but can’t write essays for the life of me💆🏻‍♀️

yeah when i started the series as manga only i only rmb ppl being like omg imagine shibuya arc, it even had me raving on about it like i knew …… yeah im glad im up to date but even though i know it still hurts regardless </3

ive only been interstate n around asia for my fam and then like when i went cruise i went to some little islands aaagugghhh

hope ur having a good? night???? it’s like 10am here hahaha

OMG yeah the pain is real </3 I swear after Gojo’s death I literally got physically ill (probably from heartbreak) but wow 10 AM,, it’s 5 pm here lol but I hope you have a great morning <3<3🤸🏽‍♀️🤸🏽‍♀️🫶🏽🫶🏽

[diaryoftheunidropout]

DAY 52

This update is actually about day 51, since it's currently just a little over midnight.

I really need to get today off my chest in all its details because there is no one I can/want to tell about it. So this blog seems my best option. Just so it's a day that's recorded somewhere.

I spent the entire day with a friend of mine who doesn't live in Paris but comes here often. She is someone who has suffered and still suffers a lot, but she is truly one of the kindest and sweetest souls I know and I absolutely love her. We met up at around 10AM, so I woke up at 9AM feeling REALLY SHIT because I've been gettinbg very intense and almost constant vertigo from the brutal absence of antidepressants these past days, small side effects from the vaccine (feeling feverish, shortness of breath when making efforts), and a small cold due to the rapid switches in temperatures. All of this combined, taking into account the fact that I barely slept and not even well, gives... a very miserable me lol. Except I'd promised my friend I'd be there with her and there was no chance I was going to let her down.

So I started my day very tired and dizzy, knowing I was probably going to get home 14 hours later, although that meant being with someone I love, which I can only be very greatful for!

The cool things we did today are going to some sort of tiny... market? Like just people selling their stuff, and I found a cheap card game and those tablets you can use to draw (also very cheap). We also found some dolls we were looking for! We ate nice things at a restaurant, sat down for quite a while at Place d'Italie and laughed. My friend also went to get touch ups on her tattoo with an artist I'd seen before and she was honestly ever nicer than the first time we saw her (if that's even possible), the studio was actually inside her home and she let us play the music we wanted and we chatted about one of her tattoos (which I immediately recognized as being from one of my fav tattoo artists) and it was really cool!

So lots of good things you see. However, I feel the bad ones kind of dominated. This morning I get a text from my mom saying she cancelled her plans for the day (going to the movies and eating out). And then at some point early in the afternoon I get a message from her again saying she ended up getting out of bed because she'd met a guy on a dating app who had lost his wife to lung cancer around the same time as my mom and I lost my dad to lung cancer, and that he had a daughted living in London (thinking of it now, I want to see his daughter because life, what if she's my soulmate and we get married and shit okay sorry I'm totally insane). The point is it really hurt me to see that the only thing getting her out of bed was not the love my dad and I bear to her, all the fighting my dad's done and all the fighting I have done too, but just some random man she's never met and is just soooooo excited to meet and it's like the highlight of her day. It just hurts because I've been so incredibly sensitive about my dad lately like just writing the word dad could get me crying somehow.

Other bad thing that happened might seem shocking because why the hell would I consider this a bad moment, but at the restaurant with my friend I just started laughing hysterically over... I'm not quite sure what? I don't even remember? And it happened again later when we were sitting down in a park while watching some old memes I'd saved somewhere. But when I say hysterical laughter I don't mean like "hahaha I can't stop laughing this is funny", I mean like "I am laughing incredibly loudly and have zero control over my body right now and I am laughing so hard I am choking and actually very much in pain". Now that I think of it, it really felt like those couple of moments in my life I was so full of anger that I felt "out of my body" and just couldn't control anything anymore, except with laughter. I find it quite terrifying.

Then we saw a play that was possibly the best play I've seen in my entire life and it moved me so much I actually cried, but I still had to refrain from crying too much or too loudly in order not to have everyone mad at me or ruin my makeup, so it was just one more moment today having to keep my shit together. Also I had to get up like 10 times before the play started because people kept wanting to get to their seats, and then back to the toilet, and then back to their seats, and then they realized they had the wrong seat, and so on. Very annoying if you want my opinion. The play was still excellent though.

Then I realized I got a message from my ex landlady telling me that she hadn't replied to me earlier although she legally HAD to send me documents by a certain date, because she was busy with [blah blah insert personal life details I literally do not give a single fuck about] and she'd sent me a second email which is basically just some shitty screenshot that ""proves"" how much money I gave her so she would leave me the fuck alone except it proves absolutely nothing and does not confirm she will NEVER ask me for money ever again although she's already stolen thousands and thousands from me that my parents struggled to put aside and it got me so hysterical I became, well, hysterical in front of my friend, and then played it cool and acted like I wasn't going insane.

Then my friend and I sat down near the Eiffel Tower and we got a dozen illegal sellers in the span of 30 mins asking us over and over again if we wanted to buy their stuff, I even got a guy lying down next to me and telling me I was pretty and that I was in love with me although my friend and I kept asking him to kindly leave us alone, and then I got a guy selling roses shaking a rose right into my face while I was comfortable lying down watching the Eiffel Tower, and I just wonder, why the hell are people, especially men it seems, like this?!

And then I received a message from one of my mom's Internet friends whom she got into an argument with and blocked. Did not read the whole message but it was very overdramatic and all like "Adieu dear I shall never talk to you again" and I think that's literally SO fucking shitty of him to go and try to guiltrip a 18 year old girl into telling her mom to talk to him again, like I have my fucking mental struggles and enough shit to deal with, can't you just grow the fuck up (you're almost 50 years old) and leave me alone and deal with your own shit on your own instead of sending a lowkey cry of help to ME?

I again would love to insist on how tired, dizzy, feverish, mentally unstable, and just overall sick, I feel. Or I should say I AM.

All of this is real. I am not a lying. I am not a lier. I do not lie. I wish I could tell someone. I wish someone would listen. My uni best friend asked me how I was and I remained very vague. None of my other friends want to hear about my state. My mother is too fragile for me to tell her all of this without destroying her. My grandparents won't understand or won't be able to do much to help except perhaps guiltripping my mom into telling her she's not doing enough. My therapist listens and she's kind but she's very passive because of course this is my life but spending €50 for 45 minutes of me just saying "well I feel kind of bad" and her saying "okay" is literally so pointless, like why isn't she just giving me some words of affirmation?! She might not realize it but simply saying "I know your pain is real" would be fucking REVOLUTIONARY and instead all she tells me is "okay :)" and "oops, we're done with this session, it's time :)"... when I have made it clear that all I need is someone to say they believe me when I say I'm in pain. And she can't even tell me those words. Maybe because just like the others, she doesn't. Or she just doesn't understand my needs. Or both. I don't know. And let's not talk about doctors and psychiatrists who simply tell me I look "just fine" or refuse to listen to me when I say I have episodes that are NOT depressive episodes.

Right now I feel like I'm going through both (hypo)mania and depression. I am so incredibly sad and tired and I just want to rest in bed because I physically cannot keep up, and another part of me is motivated to try her very best to show excitement and joy and also believes in great things. Like two days ago I spent an hour staring at myself in a mirror and interviewing myself like I was a published author. And then today, as I said, I bought one of those tablets to draw because I'm like, secretly convinced I'll become a great tattoo artist, or the next great YA author with famous graphic novels, or I don't know.

I think as soon as my makeup is off I might bawl. I just want to sleep. Please let me rest.