#it's not about me and none of it is my fault but it feels like it's all falling apart right now. and there's not really anything i can do.
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Fun facts | Grace Clinton x Reader
5k celebration prompt: “Do you ever run out of fun facts?”
Woso masterlist | Words: 1.4k
-----
A knock on your door interrupted your thoughts. For the past hour you had been debating your outfit, switching between a top every five minutes. But, the knock on your door meant that Grace was here to pick you up for your first date, so the top you were currently wearing had to be the one.
You quickly make your way to the door, not wanting to leave her waiting for too long. When you opened it, Grace’s face lit up. “You look amazing.�� You feel your cheeks flushing, already by even such a small compliment. “Thank you, so do you.”
Grace moved into your apartment building a few weeks ago. The thick Liverpool accent had caught your attention instantly when you were making your way downstairs. None of the neighbours that you knew had that accent, so your curiosity was instantly triggered.
What you hadn’t expected to find around the corner was the contents of a moving box scattered over the hallway floor. “A single cardboard box can be reused 5 to 7 times before it starts to break down and lose its strength, yet here I am on my first use with my stuff scattered all across the hall.”
You couldn’t help but laugh at the unexpected commentary as you stepped around the corner. “I think you might’ve gotten the one box that has a vendetta against moving. Clearly it wasn’t cut out for this life.”
The girl looked up, startled but amused. “Ah, so it is the box’s fault, is it? Not my fault for not using proper packing rules, and putting more weight in it than you’re supposed to?”
Within ten seconds of meeting this stranger, you already loved her humour. You crouched down to help her pick up the scattered items. “I mean, who am I to argue with a moving box expert?”
She laughed at your joke, the sound of her laughter like music to your ears. Never had you imagined you’d be able to fall for a stranger so quickly. The way she so effortlessly joked around with you, made you want to get to know her better.
“Oh, I’m full of fascinating facts about boxes, and well just random facts in general. Stick around long enough, and you’ll learn loads!” She stood with her hands now filled with her items.
“Well, if this is how you introduce yourself to your new neighbours, I am definitely interested in sticking around for more. I’m y/n, by the way. Your neighbour who now knows more about moving boxes than she ever planned to.”
The girl chuckled. “Grace, the neighbour who might’ve just exposed her weirdest talent way too early.” With a smile and a shake of your head you say, “I think it’s cute.” You noticed the light flush of her cheeks before she quickly turned her face away from you. “What floor are you on? I’ll help carry your stuff up.”
Since that day the two of you have been chatting every day, whether it was face to face or over text, the two of you were connecting. It was instantly clear to the both of you that it wasn’t just a neighbourly or even just friendly connection, and you wanted to explore it more.
So, Grace asked you out on a date and now here she is standing in front of your door. All your nerves faded away as you walked down together, and she started talking.
“Did you know that dates involving outdoor activities create stronger connections?” If you had learned one thing over the past few weeks is that Grace had a fun fact on just about every topic. “I didn’t, but it makes sense if you think about it.”
She agreed, “It’s why I wanted to grab some coffee to go and walk through the park on our way to what I have planned.”
“That sounds lovely, and also very adorable, telling me you want to have a stronger connection with me.” You smiled at her as you walked out of the apartment building.
Grace paid for your coffee, even if you told her that wasn’t fair because she was already paying for the rest of the date. “You can get them next time.”
“Oh, you already know that there will be a next time?” You said with an amused smile. “Around 66% of people say that they know within the first thirty minutes if they’re interested in a second date.”
You chuckled, of course she had a fun fact for that too. “Thirty minutes sounds doable for getting the vibe of a person, but Grace we’ve been out for like five minutes.” She smiles and shrugs, “I already knew before I knocked on your door.”
Gosh she was a smooth talker. “I think I may need the remaining twenty five minutes to decide.” You joked back, and the glint in her eyes was enough to make you cave in. “Fine, you got me. I was already thinking of what I could plan for our next date before you knocked on my door as well.”
You continued on your walk, sipping on your coffee, and talking with Grace. If you had only done this for the duration of the date, you would already have considered it a good date. Grace had more planned though, as she led you into town and you stopped in front of one of the buildings.
“Are we going to make pottery?” You asked as you took in the shop’s window. “Close, but no. We’re painting pottery.” Her smile grew when she saw the excitement on your face.
Once you were inside and you were all settled in at one of the tables, surrounded by a bunch of different pottery dishes, paints and brushes, Grace started speaking excitedly about pottery. “Did you know that pottery is one of the oldest human inventions, with the earliest known pieces dating back over 20,000 years?”
With a shake of your head you say, “Wow, that is so long. Isn’t it cool how some things stick around for so long?” She nodded, “Yeah, I love it.”
You decided on a mug for your first pottery piece, while Grace went for a bowl. You thought for a moment on what you wanted to paint on the mug, deciding on some tulips. After dipping your paint brush into the green paint, you fill the mug with the stems and leaves, leaving room to add the flowers in different colours.
“Did you know in the 17th century, tulips were so valuable in Holland that they were used as a currency?” At this point you weren’t even surprised by Grace’s random knowledge on all topics anymore. “That’s crazy, imagine getting coffee somewhere and just paying with tulips.”
“Yeah, it’s so weird to think about, right? They even named the period Tulip Mania.” With the new knowledge about tulips, you fill the already painted stems with red, orange, and pink tulip flowers.
When you looked over to Grace’s bowl, she had filled the outside with small watermelon pieces, and she was now working on painting the inside of the bowl like the inside of a watermelon.
“Yours looks so cool!” You say in awe. “Thank you! I love it, and yours too. Did you know that watermelons belong to the cucumber family? Technically they are classified as both a fruit and a vegetable!”
“Do you ever run out of fun facts?” You say with a soft chuckle. Amazed at her excitement over the classification of a watermelon.
“Oh, is it too much? I can stop.” She says taken back. You’re quick to reach out your hand and place it over hers. “Please never stop, I love it.” Her smile grew again. “Yeah?” You nod, “It’s so cool that you have all this random knowledge, and I love that you want to share it with me.”
The rest of the date was amazing, and like you had already said at the beginning of the date, a second date was definitely happening, and you couldn’t wait to plan something for her.
-----
💗 If you enjoyed this fic, please consider liking, commenting, and reblogging! You can also supporting me by leaving a tip 💗
#pockets 5k celebration#grace clinton#grace clinton x reader#man united women#manchester united women#muwfc#man united wfc#muwfc x reader#engwnt#engwnt x reader#lionesses#lionesses x reader#woso#woso x reader
203 notes
·
View notes
Text
𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐔𝐈𝐋𝐃 𝐀 𝐅𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐘 - 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍
Pairing: Noah Sebastian x reader
Series summary: When Noah was left alone to take care of his daughter about two years ago, he never thought he would find someone else he would trust enough to include in his little family. But things can change.
Series masterlist
"Okay, recap moment," you began, sitting at a table in the café with Rick, Folio, and Grace, the sun beginning to set outside and filling the room with hues of red and orange.
"Ever since Jason came back to town, he’s wanted to win you back," Rick explained again after taking a slow sip from his coffee, his voice tinged with guilt. "And he asked for my help, because apparently I’m his only friend."
"So, the psycho has been trying to get your attention all this time," Folio interjected, "and when Noah left for a couple of days, he thought it was the perfect opportunity to do something that would drive a wedge between you two."
"So, he had you leave him," you pointed to Rick, "in front of Noah’s house after he got drunk, knowing that the next morning, Noah would find him there and think I'd cheated on him."
Rick lowered his eyes, unable to meet your gaze. "Yeah... that was exactly what he was hoping for. He knew Noah would be hurt, and he knew that would push him away from you."
"Noah didn’t want to listen to what you had to say because he thought what happened with Hannah was about to happen again. And now, he feels awful because he thinks it's his fault—like he can’t keep someone who loves him around," Folio continued.
"And you feel guilty because if you had realized Jason’s intentions sooner, maybe you could have stopped this from happening," Rick added, concluding the chain of events.
"Wow," Grace remarked. "I still have so many questions."
"Yeah, me too," Rick agreed. "Like, why are you even still here? You had nothing to do with any of this."
"Hey! I work here too, okay?" Grace shot back. "I have every right to stay as long as I want."
“So,” you turned to Folio, disregarding the bickering between the punk guy and your friend, or whoever Grace was to you, “what do you think I should do?”
"Go to him," Folio urged. "Talk things through. Please. I can’t keep watching him like this. I don’t think he’s showered in two weeks."
Grace wrinkled her nose.
"I'm sorry," Rick apologized. "If I hadn’t helped Jason, maybe none of this would have happened."
"Well, that’s how things played out," you replied. "And there’s no turning back."
"But things can still be fixed if you both put aside your fears and have a real conversation," Grace encouraged.
Folio leaned back in his chair, his gaze softening. "Exactly. It might not be easy, but if you want to fix things, this is where it starts."
"I’m not sure he wants to talk to me," you said, your voice uncertain as you stared down at the table, trying to sort through your swirling thoughts.
Grace looked at you, her expression a mix of frustration and concern. "Oh, please!" she exclaimed, leaning forward onto the table. "We know he loves you, and you love him. And it’s so obvious you both are suffering now! If you go to him and tell him everything was part of Jason’s plan, and that his weird friend here explained how things really went down, he’ll listen. I promise you!"
Rick shook his head, smirking but with a hint of sarcasm in his voice. "Hey, weird friend to who, Barbie with black hair?"
Grace just rolled her eyes.
Folio sighed, but his voice grew more serious. "Look, trust me. Go to him, tomorrow. It’s been two weeks, and he’s starting to realize he let you go just because he was too scared. You can’t just sit around waiting for him to make the first move because he won't. He's in a depressive mood right now."
A silence fell for a moment as you thought about their words. Folio's eyes were sincere, and for a brief second, it felt like there was still a chance to fix things. You took a deep breath, the weight of the decision settling over you.
Finally, you nodded. "Okay," you said softly, "I’ll do it."
After Grace and Folio left, you and Rick stood outside the café, the cool evening air pressing against you as the sunset faded into the night. The streets were quieter now, the hum of the city barely reaching you.
Rick shifted uncomfortably, his hands in his pockets as he avoided your gaze. "I… I’m sorry," he said finally, his voice low. "I know you probably hate me right now for helping Jason, for being his friend. I know what I did was wrong. But he was the only friend I ever had, you know? And I just... I always did what he asked, because I didn’t want to lose him. I thought if I kept helping him, I’d prove I was a good friend. But looking at it now, I see I was just blinded by that need to belong. I'm so fucking stupid."
You were silent for a moment, taking in what he said. It didn’t make you angry. Instead, a sense of understanding washed over you. You shook your head gently. "I’m not mad at you, Rick," you said softly. "I don’t think you��re a bad person. You just... you need better friends. Friends who aren’t going to pull you into things like this. Friends who won’t take advantage of your loyalty."
Rick’s shoulders slumped as if a weight had been lifted, but there was still a trace of guilt on his face. "I don’t deserve your forgiveness," he muttered.
"You don’t have to deserve it," you replied with a small smile. "People make mistakes. What matters is what we do after." You paused for a moment, thinking carefully about the next words you wanted to say. "You can come see me, us, at the café anytime. If you ever need to talk, or just... hang out. I'm sure Noah would like you too, you know? You punched Jason, after all."
He looked up at you, his eyes slightly wide, as if your words were a relief he hadn’t expected. "Thanks. Really. I know I messed up, but I’m done following Jason. I’ve made my choice."
You nodded. "I’m glad to hear that."
Rick smiled, though it was a little uncertain at first. "I’ll come by sometime."
As you both turned to leave, you gave Rick one last look. "Thanks again, Rick. Take care."
And with that, you parted ways, but not with the same weight on your shoulders you had carried earlier. Things could get better—for both of you.
Noah sat on the couch, his legs stretched out in front of him, trying his best to smile as he tickled Luna, her giggles filling the air. It was a soft sound, the kind of laughter that once brought him a sense of peace, but now it felt like a distant memory.
He tried to focus on her, on her innocent joy, but the weight of everything pressing on him still felt unbearable. He could hardly summon the energy to keep up with her playful energy.
"Daddy! Knights don’t tickle princesses!” she said, holding up a finger as if to emphasize her point as she laughed.
"Oh really? So why am I doing that now?"
"Because you are a bad knight, daddy!"
Noah let go and finally dropped his hands to his sides, letting the kid breathe.
Luna, her tiny hands gripping his arm as she attempted to climb onto his lap, paused for a moment and looked at him with her big, innocent eyes. She tilted her head to one side, sensing that something was off. "Daddy," she said in her small, soft voice, "will Y/N come today?"
The question hit Noah like a punch to the stomach. He froze for a second, trying to think, his chest tightening as his mind raced for an answer. How could he explain this to her? How could he possibly tell his three-year-old daughter that the woman who had been a constant presence in their lives, the woman he had loved, was gone and might never return?
He forced a smile as he moved some strands of hair from her little chubby face, but it felt hollow. "No, sweetie," he said softly, trying to keep the sadness from his voice. "Y/N won't be coming here for a while."
Luna’s face fell for a moment, and Noah’s heart twisted at the sight. She didn’t understand, not fully. But she could already feel the absence. She blinked and then asked, her voice so innocent and hopeful, "Oh, is she on vacation?"
Noah nodded slowly, trying to hold it together. He swallowed hard, not knowing what else to say. "Yeah," he replied quietly. "She’s on vacation."
Luna seemed to accept that answer, her small face brightening again, and Noah couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt. Was he lying to her? He didn’t know. But he couldn’t tell her the truth. Not yet. Not when he was still trying to figure it all out himself.
“Oh,” Luna said, her voice soft and wistful. “I wish I could go with her. I want to see the mountains with Y/N.”
Noah’s heart broke a little more as she spoke, the simple, innocent wish from his daughter ringing in his ears.
He looked down at her, her eyes filled with that pure, untainted hope, and he could feel the weight of the world on his shoulders. He wished things were different, wished he could turn back time and make the mess he had created disappear. But all he could do now was nod, his voice filled with emotion as he replied, “Yeah… me too.”
His gaze fell on the beaded bracelet on his wrist, the bracelet Luna had made with you. She seemed so happy when she gave it to him, saying that you and she had one similar too that Noah couldn't say no. He wondered where you put yours. If it was lying forgotten at the bottom of a trash can or if he was on your wrist too and if you were thinking about him like he was thinking about you looking at it.
The pink was an extreme contrast to his tattoos in a way that made him smile and made his skin burn at the same time.
Luna didn’t seem to sense the weight of his words. Instead, she smiled brightly, her small hands gripping his shirt as she pulled herself closer to him. “Maybe when Y/N comes back, we can all go to the mountains together, Daddy. And see bears.”
Noah’s throat tightened, and he could barely choke out a laugh. "Maybe," he said quietly, his voice breaking just a little. “Maybe we can.”
That late evening, you were at home, the wind outside picking up, howling against the windows.
But then, through the noise, you heard something else—faint, almost drowned out by the gusts of wind. It was a soft whimpering sound. You froze, wondering if you’d imagined it. Another sound followed, louder this time, and it was unmistakable.
You quickly made your way to the door, heart racing. Was someone out there? You opened the door cautiously. The wind whipped around you, but you could make out something small huddling near the porch steps.
A tiny, scruffy ball of fur, sat there looking up at you. You bent down, your breath catching in your throat. A small puppy—probably only a few months old—was staring up at you with big, wide eyes, the color of dark amber. The fur on its body was matted and dirty, but you could tell that, despite its appearance, it wasn’t in horrible condition. It was skinny, too, ribs showing a bit too much through its dirty fur but it didn’t seem too malnourished.
You crouched down, reaching out cautiously, speaking in a soft voice, “Hey there, little one… where did you come from?” The puppy didn’t flinch, but tilted its head at you, studying you curiously, its little tail flicking.
“Do you have a home?” you asked again, more gently this time, hoping it could understand. It just stared at you, unblinking, before it started to shuffle forward, its paws making soft noises on the porch.
“Well, I guess you don’t have a place to go, do you?” you sighed, your heart already melting at the sight of the poor thing. The puppy continued its advance, slowly squeezing between your legs and making its way into the house. You blinked, surprised, but then a soft laugh escaped you.
“Okay, I guess you've already decided where you're going to stay,” you said with a smile, closing the door behind you. You watched the little creature wander inside.
You paused for a moment, your mind spinning with what to do next. You glanced around the small space, eyes landing on the kitchen. Your fridge. Maybe there was something you could feed it.
Opening the fridge, you found some leftover chicken, cooked and ready to go. Without hesitation, you grabbed it, placing it down on a plate for the pup. You watched as the little dog immediately pounced on the food, devouring it in a matter of seconds, the sound of its chewing filling in the silence of the house.
As the dog finished, you crouched down beside it, rubbing its back, and you finally understood the puppy was a male. “What now, little one? You just going to stay here with me?” you asked, your voice soft.
The dog responded with a loud, excited bark, his tail wagging furiously as he jumped up in front of you, as if to say “Yes, please!”
You chuckled lightly. “Guess that’s a yes,” you smiled, patting the puppy’s head.
“Alright then, you can stay with me for now.”
Without thinking twice, you picked the little thing up, holding him carefully in your arms as you carried him toward the bathroom.
You turned on the tap, filling the bathtub with warm water, and carefully set the puppy down.
You took your time, softly scrubbing the dirt out of his brown and black fur.
Just as you were finishing up, the puppy suddenly shook his body, spraying water everywhere. You couldn’t help but laugh at the sight, the tiny creature soaking your clothes and the bathroom floor, but you didn’t mind. The laugh felt good, like a release, like a bit of normalcy in the chaos that had surrounded you lately.
“You really know how to make a mess, huh?” you said, wiping your face with the back of your hand as the dog looked up at you, his fur dripping wet and his expression utterly adorable.
After a few more moments, you helped the puppy out of the tub and wrapped it in a towel, rubbing it gently to dry it off. He seemed to enjoy the attention, snuggling into the towel as if it had finally found a safe place. You sat on the floor with him for some moments.
Then, you looked down at the tiny creature, now dry and warm, curled up on the towel beside you, his little eyes closing in contentment. “You're a good boy,” you said softly, smiling as the puppy let out a quiet yawn.
That night, he whined until you picked him up and let him sleep in the bed with you, his body pressed close to yours, keeping you almost as warm as Noah's had.
The next morning, before going to the café, you left enough food and water around for the dog before heading out, promising to think of a suitable name for him.
When you were at work, it had started raining, and when you stepped out of the coffee shop during the afternoon, it hadn't stopped yet.
The cold rain immediately soaked through your clothes as you reached your car.
The city streets were slick with water, and the dull hum of distant thunder echoed in the sky, but you barely noticed. Your mind was consumed with the need to reach Noah. You had to. You had already waited too much.
You got in, slammed the door, and turned the key. Nothing. You tried again. And again. The engine sputtered but refused to start, the engine light flashing mockingly at you in the dark interior. Your heart sank. You cursed under your breath and tried once more, but the car just refused to cooperate. It was as if the universe itself had decided that this was not the night for you to see Noah, that fate was conspiring against you, and all the progress you'd just made would come crashing down.
"This is ridiculous," you muttered, staring helplessly at the wheel. Frustration surged inside you, and you felt a lump rise in your throat. The rain was pouring harder now, and everything felt like it was falling apart.
But then, in that moment of frustration, something shifted inside you. You wiped your damp face with the back of your hand and exhaled, steadying yourself. This wasn’t the end, not yet. You weren’t going to give up this easily.
Noah was waiting for you. Even if maybe he didn’t know that. You couldn’t afford to let something as trivial as a car breaking down stop you.
"Fine," you whispered to yourself, the determination in your voice solidifying. "I’ll walk."
Without another thought, you opened the door, slammed it shut, and stepped back out into the pouring rain. The streets blurred with each step you took, your soaked clothes clinging to you as you began your journey toward Noah, your mind set on one thing: You needed to see him.
The rain was hitting the ground in heavy, unrelenting sheets, turning the streets into rivers when you reached Noah's house. The sound of it pounded against your ears, drowning out everything else. You stood there, drenched to the bone, the cold water soaking through your coat and clothes, your hair was wet, dripping down and sending a chill through your neck, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered except getting to Noah.
Nothing mattered except Noah.
The cold air pressed against your skin, your heart pounded in your chest, thoughts spinning.
You reached the front door, the familiar house looming before you, but it wasn’t the same. It didn’t feel like home anymore. Not when everything had been shattered, and the quiet that hung between you two was almost suffocating.
Finally, you pressed the doorbell, the sound of it echoing louder in the still night than you had anticipated. The seconds felt like hours, and then, the door creaked open.
There he was, standing in the doorway, but he wasn’t the same Noah. His eyes were tired, bloodshot from lack of sleep, and his face was drawn. The person you had known—the one who laughed with you late at night, the one who made you feel safe—felt distant now, a ghost of the man you had loved.
He looked at you, and for a moment, there was nothing but silence as the rain kept pouring all around you. He didn’t say a word. Didn’t even move. You couldn't read him, it was like he was trying to keep you at arm’s length, afraid that if you got too close, you might shatter him further.
You opened your mouth to speak, but the words felt like they were stuck in your throat. What could you even say? How could you explain what had happened, explain how everything had fallen apart because of one man's manipulation? You knew this was your fault, too.
“Noah,” you said, voice shaky as you finally met his gaze. “I... I need to talk to you. Please.”
His expression remained overall hard, a wall that you couldn’t break through, not yet. He looked down for a moment, his jaw tightening, as if he was fighting the urge to turn away from you.
But when he looked at you, his eyes were soft, as if despite everything he couldn't look at you with anger.
"What?" he muttered, his voice strained, as if a single word was causing him physical pain.
You took a deep breath.
"Ever since Jason came back to town, I—I didn’t see it. I didn’t want to see it. I thought that chapter was closed, that he was a thing of the past, that I was done with him. And I was. Because I love you and I'll always love you and only you. But he wasn’t done with me. I should’ve known. And I... I was too fucking stupid to realize he never wanted to let me go. Not really. He wanted to win me back, to tear us apart, and I was blind to it."
He just stared at you, so you kept talking. Seeing him like that was absolutely breaking you.
"He asked Rick for help, a friend of his that understood he was doing something wrong and talked to me. And Rick, he... he just wanted to be a good friend. He didn’t understand. But Jason—he used Rick, manipulated him, got him to leave him drunk in front of your house, knowing that I would let him in because I am too fucking srupid and too fucking nice. He knew that you’d think I cheated on you. Knowing that you’d be hurt, that you'd doubt me, that it would rip us apart. He had everything planned. And I—I let it happen. I didn’t even see it coming. I didn’t realize what was happening until it was too late, until I saw the way you looked at me like I let you down like your ex. And I've never wanted that.
And now... now I’m standing here, soaked to the skin because I always forget to bring an umbrella with me and because I care about you, trying to find the right words, but there’s no easy way to explain this. No way to take back the pain I caused you. No way to undo what Jason did. But I need you to know this... I love you. More than anything. More than I ever thought I could love someone.
And I’m so fucking sorry for the mess I’ve made and for letting Jason ruin everything. I’m so sorry I didn’t see what Jason was doing. I’m sorry I didn’t realize sooner that I was losing you, that I was pushing you away when all I’ve ever wanted is to be with you.
I love you more than I ever knew how to say. I love you more than anything. And I need you to know that, to believe that, because it’s the truth. You’re the only thing that matters to me and I miss you. And I miss Luna. And I miss the family we built. The three of us. And if you can find it in your heart to forgive me... I swear, I’ll do whatever it takes to make this right. But please, Noah, don’t let me lose you. Not like this. Not because of an asshole who thought he had power on someone else's love."
After you finished confessing, Noah looked at you with a mix of confusion and concern for a moment, his brow furrowing as his gaze flickered over your drenched form. "Why are you completely soaked?"
You couldn't help but smile softly, a little amusement tugging at the corner of your lips, despite the moment. "My car wouldn’t start," you replied, trying to sound lighthearted, almost as if it was a silly inconvenience. "So I walked."
Before you could say anything more, Noah’s expression softened even more, and without another word, he stepped forward in the rain. His lips found yours with a sudden intensity, and it was like everything else melted away. You smiled against his mouth, the taste of him so sweet, so right, that it felt like you could stay in this moment forever.
You had longed for the sensation of his lips on yours, the warmth of his tongue dancing with yours, and the comfort of his arms wrapped around you for days.
His hair clung to his forehead as the rain soaked him through, and without thinking, you reached up to brush it aside, your fingers grazing the damp strands as you continued to kiss him, your hearts racing in sync. It was perfect. It was real. The kiss lingered, deepening, as if neither of you wanted it to end, until the air between you both ran out and you both pulled back, gasping for breath.
Noah’s hands were still on your hips, pushing you close to him.
His voice was low and vulnerable as he whispered against your lips, "I’ve dreamed of this moment for fifteen nights. I thought you hated me..I'm sorry I told you to leave. I was scared to lose you and so fucking jealous. I've never wanted you to leave. I love you.
I loved you from the first moment I walked into the café with Luna barely able to speak, when she raised her little hand to say hi. She didn't do it with anyone. But she did it with you. Maybe she also understood at that moment that you were going to be the most important person in both our lives."
You couldn’t help but smile, the warmth flooding back into your chest at the sound of his words. "I’ve walked in the rain for forty minutes for you," you murmured, your voice soft but full of certainty. "I’d say I don’t hate you at all."
He chuckled, the sound of it wrapping around you like a warm blanket. God, you'd missed that sound so bad. "I’d say I don’t hate you at all either," he replied, a grin tugging at his lips, and then he kissed you again, softer this time, as if savoring every second, every drop of rain falling around you both.
Tags: @anything-more-than-human @ladyveronikawrites @iloveyoutodeathbutimdrowning @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard @fadingangelwisp @xmads-omensx @iwasntstable @thisbicc @pathion @flowery-mess @into-the-grey @lacy1986 @tosoundlessdarkistare @stardustsirenmelody @thewrstinme @hurricanesfollowyou @ichoosetenderomens @chey-h @alwaysfightforwhoyouare @follow-me-down-to-wonderland @missduffsblog
TBAF Tags: @klutzy-kay24 @mrscevans @concreteangel92 @iconic-taurus @niicoleleigh @cheyyyyr @supersquirrel1996 @respectfulrebel @clickmedead @whenyouwannafindlove @kenjipepsi1
#noah sebastian x reader#noah sebastian x oc#noah sebastian fanfiction#noah sebastian#bad omens#bad omens fanfiction#dad!noah sebastian#dad noah sebastian x reader#tbaf#to build a family
110 notes
·
View notes
Text
Word Count: 1,639
Pairing: Best friend! Noah Sebastian X Reader
Content Warnings: swearing, arguments, Noah is bad at feelings and so is Y/N
Tags: @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard @lacy1986 @collidewiththesav @kenjipepsi1 @follow-me-down-to-wonderland @alwaysfightforwhoyouare @chey-h @tosoundlessdarkistare @thisbicc @fadingangelwisp
Thanks @alwaysfightforwhoyouare for the idea, and sorry it took me so long to actually write since we were talking about this before New Years lmao.
Extra inspo:
NOAH POV
She was beautiful.
I found myself stealing glances at her whenever I could. It was impossible not to. Even when I didn’t intend to, my eyes always found her.
No matter what room I walked into, I always sought her out.
Her laugher. Her smile. Her eyes. Her.
Y/N had been my best friend, besides Nicholas of course, for as long as I could remember. Granted, we only met when we had moved to California, but we clicked instantly.
Two peas in a pod. Partners in crime. Ride or die.
That was us.
But I was desperate for more.
I wanted to hold her hand. Hold her. Kiss her. Tell I loved her. Take her to bed. Be with her.
But it could never happen. She had a boyfriend and I was just her best friend. She would never see me as anything more than that.
I buried those feelings as deep as I possibly could. I dated and saw other people as often as I could to try and move on, but nothing worked. No matter who I went out with, my mind was always stuck on Y/N.
Every time I saw her with Chris, my heart broke a little bit more. I knew this was unfair, since she had no idea how I felt about her and it wasn’t her fault she was happy with someone else, but part of me resented her for being happy with someone else.
What could he give her that I couldn’t?
I knew every single detail about her. I could even tell you how many freckles decorated her face if you asked me to.
But it wasn’t enough.
She had him, and I had Bad Omens.
“Y/N and Chris are fighting again.” Matt sighed, taking his seat in the studio.
They had been fighting a lot recently. He had been going out more often with his friends, leaving Y/N at home. She hated being alone.
“Same thing again?” Jolly asked.
“Yep.” Matt sighed again.
Silence encased the studio. None of us particularly liked Chris, some for more selfish reasons than others, but none of us wanted to stop Y/N from being happy.
“I’ve got some lyrics that I’ve been working on.” I spoke up, breaking the silence.
“Can we have a look?” Jolly asked, so I handed him my highly precious notebook that I used for songwriting.
His eyes darted over the pages. if he knew what the song was about, he didn’t let on anything.
“This is good shit, Noah.” He said, smiling genuinely.
I had been working on the song for a while now, but I never had the courage to show anyone else the song yet.
It was by far my favourite song that I had ever written.
“Do you think it would be okay for the new record?” I asked, chewing the skin on my thumb anxiously.
“I think it’s perfect for the new record dude.” Jolly said, grinning widely.
“Great.” I said with a sigh of relief.
We spent most of the day recording the new song, working in silence for the most part as we seemed to be working in unison, as one.
The lyrics flew out of me so easily, it was like breathing.
Verse after verse, the melody came naturally.
It didn’t matter if anyone knew what the song was about, as long as she got to hear it.
Y/N POV
Chris and I never had a great relationship.
It wasn’t toxic or anything, we just didn’t love eachother, but were determined to make it work.
The honeymoon phase was relatively short, only lasting the first two months of our relationship.
Out fights consisted of the same common denominators every single time. His partying and my friendship with Noah.
Chris hated Noah with a burning passion. In fact, Chris was convinced that Noah was in love with me, which would be impossible because how could someone like Noah be in love with someone like me?
Noah was a genuine, kind soul, and I was often labelled a vindictive bitch.
He would have to be desperate for human connection if he fell in love with me.
“Seriously, I don’t understand why you’re friends with him, Y/N, he clearly just wants to get in your pants.” Chris sighed, exasperated at my apparent obliviousness to Noah’s alleged feelings for me.
“Because he’s my best friend, and no, he doesn’t want to get in my pants. I think I’d know if he did.” I replied, sick of this argument going round in circles.
“Y/N, please listen to me. He isn’t your friend. He just wants to use you to get off. He likes the power he has over you.” Chris argued back, raising his voice.
“Stop lying about it, I’m not going to believe you.” I yelled. “This is so fucking dumb, Chris, all we ever do is go around in circles until we either get bored of the argument and go cool off somewhere or we just end up fucking!”
“Who’s fault is it that we keep running in circles like this?” Chris snarled. “You’re the one who is still hanging around that jackass.”
“Oh my god! When will you realise that Noah is not the problem here, you are!” I yelled.
“Then how about I leave and make your life easier?” Chris shouted.
“Good! Get the fuck out of my house!” I yelled in reply, gesturing towards the door.
He simply turned around and left. Just like that.
The silence that filled the house wasn’t unpleasant like I thought it would be, but instead it was peaceful and I welcomed it with open arms.
Finally, I had enough space to think. To breathe. To exist without him screaming down my ear about Noah, and without me interrogating him about him going out with his friends into the very early hours of the morning.
But after a few hours of this new silence, the house became almost too silent. Too cold. Too big.
I needed the space to be smaller again.
With my mind in autopilot, I found myself climbing into the drivers side of my car and driving over to Noah’s house, desperate for comfort and some semblance of crowdedness.
Noah’s front door opened before you had even rung the bell.
“Hey, you okay? Matt had us worried about you.” Noah gushed, pulling me into a hug.
“Yeah just wanted to hang out for a bit. It’s too quiet at my place.” I explained with a shrug.
“Is Chris out again?” Noah asked as we walked into his house.
“Oh, we broke up like two hours ago.” I said with a laugh, but I couldn’t tell if it was a fake laugh or not.
“Shit are you okay?” Noah asked, placing his hands on my shoulders.
“Yeah. I mean I think so.” I said with a shrug.
“Y/N, you’re crying.” Noah whispered, his voice significantly more gentle than it had been previously as he cupped my cheek and wiped a stray tear away from my face.
“No, really I’m okay.” I said, unsure as to why I was crying.
“Come here.” Noah whispered, pulling me into a tight hug.
I wasn’t sure what it was about hugging Noah made me feel so emotional, but I couldn’t control the damn that burst, letting all of my pent up frustrations at Chris gush out.
The more I cried, the clearer the real reason for my tears became. I was in love with Noah.
NOAH POV
I gently rubbed Y/N’s back as I held her close to my chest, hoping to ease her pain as much as I could.
“Come with me, I want to show you something.” I whispered, guiding her into the studio before sitting her down on the small sofa we had in there for moments like these.
She curled up in her usual spot with her knees pulled up to her chest.
I switched on the computer monitor and selected the audio file that I wanted.
Besides the purple LED lights, that were Y/N’s favourite, the monitor was the only thing that illuminated the otherwise empty room.
The soft melody of the acoustic demo that we had recorded earlier that morning filled the air as I sat next to Y/N on the sofa and pulling her into my arms. She instantly snuggled closer into my chest as if she were hiding from something and was seeking comfort.
She was my safe space and I was hers.
The lyrics began to take over the melody as I rocked Y/N back and forth in my arms.
There are scars that never ever show themselves
You get when you’re left alone too long in Hell
I was sick and tired of leaving Y/N to live her life without me by her side. I was desperate to be able to call her mine. To hold her hand as we walked to our favourite coffee shop. To kiss her cheek and tell her she looked beautiful as she got ready to go out. To be able to hold her as we drifted off to sleep in our bed.
I was desperate for HER.
I began to sing the lyrics to her, causing her to look up into my eyes as I looked down into hers.
Well, if I'm there to catch you when you fall You'll have a friend down in Hell after all
“Noah.” She murmured.
“Yes, Y/N.” I whispered in reply.
“I love you.” She whispered.
I answered her by leaning down and placing a gentle kiss on her lips. Just enough to tell her exactly how I felt.
“Yours?” She asked after we pulled away.
“Mine.” I replied with a smile.
“Forever?”
“Yes, Y/N, mine forever.”
And if you're there to catch me when I fall Then maybe Hell ain't so bad after all
#bad omens#noah sebastian fic#noah sebastian#fanfic#noah sebastian bad omens#noah bad omens#noah sebastian x reader#noah sebastian one shots#best friend noah#best friend noah sebastian
35 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hello.
My mother had a lover. They decided on a baby. and during the first month of pregnancy they had fights. My biological father didn't like how my mother looked during pregnancy. Then some shitty things and my mother wanted a divorce. He beat her up. The baby (me) was still healthy, surprisingly. Mother decided he didn't want a boy. Because it would remind her of him. And she kinda developed slight fear towards men.
It's about 18-19 weeks of pregnancy, she learned she was having a baby girl. So she kept it. It was a girl or abortion, in her eyes. Because of trauma, I guess.
Then me. I born. I grew up. About 14-15 years later, I learned this story. Realized I was trans at age 17. Wanted to be a boy.
My mother didn't say anything.
But the look in her eyes. I felt hatred, disgust, fear, and disappointment.
She didn't say anything. Continued like nothing happened. I was expecting her to yell or throw me out. She didn't. She drop me to doctor and such, but she didn't comment on anything. She speaks less to me. She still does whatever she used to do, but she doesn't hug. Doesn't touch as much as before. She acts like I am gonna hurt her unintentionally. She still does her best as a mother. Still takes care of me. But not like we used to.
I am just a person that should have been aborted. But been kept for my gender. Now I am not a girl, I feel guilty.
I feel so bad.
I wish I was aborted, or I wish I loved being a girl. Like I was supposed to.
I hate that I can't find it in myself to fault her because she tries.
Jesus...
Okay please know that none of this is on you. You deserve to live as your authentic self.
This is on your mom.
I'm not trying to blame her at ALL for what happened. Domestic violence is awful. I have experienced it firsthand, and it leaves so many scars. But your mother as an adult, and she has a responsibility to you, her child, to not allow her past to affect her relationship with you. She should (1) be going to therapy and (2) NOT be telling you she was considering aborting you (what the FUCK?).
Sure, your mom tries, but you deserve more than halfhearted interest. You deserve love. And if your mom cannot love you like she should, she needs to do something to change that. SHE is the parent. And, as she so callously told you, she chose that.
Also please NEVER feel guilty for being who you are. Again, this is NOT your fault.
Naming you narwhal anon!
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
BROKEN GLASS-RAFE CAMERON
The night had been a blur of music, flashing lights, and people who didn’t matter. Y/N had spent the evening surrounded by her friends, trying to forget about the one thing that always seemed to haunt her thoughts, the one person who could destroy her with just a glance. Rafe Cameron.
It had been months since they’d last spoken, since the last time he’d shattered her heart into a thousand pieces, but still, every time she closed her eyes, she could feel him. She could feel the weight of his words, the sting of his betrayal, and the way he had walked away like nothing had ever mattered between them.
And yet, here she was, pretending that the night wasn’t tainted by thoughts of him.
The party raged on, but Y/N had long since stopped caring about the laughter, the drinks, the distractions. She was lost in a sea of faces, none of them familiar enough to matter. She could feel her friends’ eyes on her, all of them concerned, but too polite to ask if she was okay. They all knew the story; they all knew what had happened between her and Rafe. And they knew she hadn’t truly moved on.
But she wasn’t ready to face it. Not yet.
Her phone buzzed in her pocket, snapping her out of her thoughts. She glanced at it and froze. The name on the screen was one she had hoped she would never see again.
Rafe
Her heart skipped a beat before the rational part of her brain kicked in. No. She wasn’t going to do this again. She wasn’t going to let him have the power over her that he’d always had. She swiped the notification away without opening it, shoving the phone back in her pocket.
But then, just as she was about to tell herself it didn’t matter, the door to the party swung open, and a familiar figure stepped inside.
Rafe.
The sight of him was like a slap to her chest. He looked disheveled, as if he’d been wandering the streets for hours, the wildness in his eyes a stark contrast to the polished, put together version of himself she had once known. His hair was messy, his face flushed from the alcohol, and he wore that same reckless look she had seen too many times before, like he was chasing something he couldn’t have, and it was tearing him apart.
Her breath caught in her throat.
"Y/N," Rafe called out, his voice slurred but desperate. "I need to talk to you."
The room felt like it was spinning around her, her legs suddenly weak beneath her as she tried to steady herself. She hadn’t expected him to show up here, not like this, not after everything that had happened.
But there he was, standing in the doorway like a ghost from her past, and Y/N’s heart betrayed her once again.
The crowd around them went silent, the tension palpable, but Rafe didn’t seem to notice. His eyes were locked on her, like she was the only thing that mattered.
“Please, just hear me out,” he said, stepping closer, his breath stinking of alcohol.
Y/N shook her head, her throat tightening. “Rafe, no. I’m not doing this again.”
“You don’t get it,” he muttered, almost as if he was talking to himself. “I miss you. I miss everything about you. This is a mess. Everything’s been a mess since you left.”
The words hit her like a wave crashing against a jagged rock, and for a split second, Y/N was back there, back in his arms, feeling like maybe, just maybe, things could work out. But then she remembered. She remembered the lies, the betrayal, the way he’d torn her apart without a second thought.
Her breath quickened, and her hands balled into fists at her sides. “You don’t get to do this, Rafe. You don’t get to just show up and pretend everything’s fine. You broke me once, and I’m not going to let you do it again.”
He staggered closer, his eyes clouded with something darker than just alcohol. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Y/N. I was stupid. I was selfish. I-”
“Stop.” Her voice cut through the air, raw with emotion. “You don’t get to apologize anymore. You don’t get to make me feel like I’m the problem, like it was my fault.”
“I’m not trying to blame you,” Rafe insisted, his voice breaking, a flicker of something real crossing his face. “I just-” He paused, seeming to struggle with the words. “I just want you back. I miss you so much, Y/N. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do without you. Please…”
His words hung in the air between them, sharp and fragile, like glass breaking in slow motion. Every inch of her body screamed at her to walk away, to tell him to leave her alone, to remind him that he had broken her once, and she couldn’t let him do it again.
But there it was again, the pull. The temptation. The echo of the love she had once felt for him.
She knew what would happen. She knew that if she let him back in, he would tear her apart once more. But a part of her, just the smallest, most fragile part, was aching to believe him. Was aching to believe that he was different this time, that maybe, just maybe, he could change.
Her heart wavered as Rafe reached out to touch her arm, his fingers warm against her cold skin. The contact sent a shiver down her spine, and for a moment, she closed her eyes, letting the weight of the past few months wash over her.
“You hurt me, Rafe,” she whispered, her voice trembling. “You hurt me in ways I can’t even explain. You made me feel like I wasn’t enough. Like everything we had meant nothing.”
He flinched, his hand falling away as though she had burned him. “I never meant to do that, Y/N. I was stupid. I didn’t know how to handle everything...how to handle us. But I swear, I’m sorry. I’ll do anything to make it right. I’ll prove it to you.”
Her chest tightened with the familiar ache, the remnants of the love she had once felt for him. But deep down, she knew the truth.
Every time she let him back in, he broke her again. Every time he promised to change, he let her down. She had spent so many nights picking up the pieces of her heart, trying to glue it back together, but with each piece, she lost a little more of herself.
And now, standing in front of him, with those same broken promises in his eyes, Y/N realized she couldn’t keep doing this. She couldn’t keep giving him the power to destroy her over and over again.
“I can’t do this,” she said, her voice steady despite the ache in her chest. “I can’t keep letting you in. You’ve broken me too many times. I can’t keep losing myself for you.”
Rafe’s face crumpled, like the weight of her words had physically struck him. “Please, Y/N, don’t-”
But she was already backing away, shaking her head as her heart shattered into a thousand more pieces. “I’m done, Rafe. I’m finally done.”
And as she turned and walked away, she realized that this time, for the first time in forever, she was walking away for herself. Not for him. Not for the promises he never kept. She was walking away because she knew she deserved better than a love that would only ever break her.
She wasn’t going to let him destroy her again.
𝕥𝕒𝕘𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕥 @nicholaschavezslut69
#rafe x reader#rafe obx#rafe cameron#rafe fic#rafe imagine#outerbanks rafe#rafe outer banks#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron fanfiction
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
I swear, nothing makes me go bonkers fucking yonkers quite like comparing Athena and Apollos' introductions to the WAA.
When Phoenix asked Athena to come work for the agency, he reached out overseas to get in contact and offer her a job. When Phoenix asked Apollo to come work for the agency, he didn't even mention what the business was called or what they actually did.
On Athena's first day in court, Phoenix showed up and took over for her when she started to break down. On Apollo's first day in court, Phoenix made him an accomplice in crime and almost ruined his career.
When Athena introduces her childhood best friend to the WAA, they get her cleared of murder charges and save a friendgroup. When Apollo tries to introduce his childhood best friend to the agency, he dies before that can even happen.
When Athena returns to the space center, she is greeted by the robots with open arms. When Apollo returns to the space center, he is greeted by the name of a dead man.
When Phoenix sought out Athena as a protégé, it was because he realized how much she was hurting. When Phoenix sought out Apollo as a protégé, its because he realized how much he could be used to hurt others.
#something something you are everything I wish my life could have been.#you did not steal those opportunities from me because they were never even mine to begin with.#it feels like you were afforded so much more than I ever was but I look at you and I don't see someone at peace and happy#and the ways they use this to parallel him to AURA. someone who also feels like Athena 'stole' all the attention and love#and none of this in Athena's fault she didn't ASK for these things#she spends the whole game suffering from the fact that someone threw their life away just to preserve hers#but its happening and she cant stop it and apollo knows its not her fault but still. it still hurts#thinking about how protege comes from the french word 'to protect'#aa#ace attorney#ace attorney dual destinies#dual destinies#aa dual destinies#aa5#aa5 spoilers#athena cykes#apollo justice#phoenix wright#clay terran#juniper woods#spk plays dual destinies
131 notes
·
View notes
Text
i want to delete my twitter account so fucking bad
#i grew my following off of anime stuff and now i'm into completely different stuff and i feel like posting about it -#will alienate my audience way too much#(if you wanna know - these days i hardly even watch one anime a year)#i wanna post about the fuckin saw movies and postal and weird video games and metalocalypse and music i like#and i want to post about my ocs without it feeling like i'm speaking gibberish to a crowd#but none of my followrs GIVE A FUCK#also i find it impossible to make friends on twt 😭😭😭😭 i have like 5 mutuals i'd consider friends#but alas i have too many industry pro followrs to just deactivate#and 40k followers is invaluable as someone whose only form of income rn is comms#tumblr has similar problems but at least i can talk about my ocs properly cuz of tagging#i don't like how monetized my account has become it feels so fucking disingenuous#it's just retweet retweet retweet post art retweet retweet#if twitter went under it'd be a blessing in disguise for me#oh well. suffering from success i guess#maybe one day i'll move accounts and KILL STARRYSHARKS ONCE AND FOR ALL#this is all 13 yr old me's fault#sorry for ranting/venting ig??? on main lol
52 notes
·
View notes
Text
I've had a strong crying fit and aggressive paranoia episode for the first time in a very long while, and that same night I've saw an elaborate dream about him. Attracted to my misery like a moth to a flame, isn't he?
#personal#/vent#and even in my dream I still was spilling vitriol towards the guy he chose over me lol#I don't even mean like.. that we broke up because he loved him instead#I mean like he straight up stopped needing me in his life at ALL. even like a friend#like because that guy gave him everything he needed and more 🙄#all my use with none of my flaws and needs#like dude of course I'll be mad after you publicly boast about how easily you forgot all about me!#and treated me as just someone to waste time with if heeeeee isn't around#at least I know it isn't my fault#it is a risk of getting close with someone who values people for what they give and not who they are#such people will replace you all too easily#they believe that you are The One TM because they assume they are so unlikeable that-#-no one else would put up with them#take it from me kids: never accept this sort of ''love''. demand better.#I mean he even wanted to marry me but then by his admission all feelings evaporated over-#-some dude who just happens to be grand and intelligent
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
Idk if this is controversial, but studying for a English/writing degree at university shouldn’t make you NOT want to engage with writing or literature. Just a thought.
#the amount of times one of my literature professors presented us with the worst reading or interpretation (some of which were just plain#revolting) of a piece of literature almost as if she were expecting us to like it just because it was sensational and me and everyone else#going ‘um. no. sorry. not only does that make no sense but now I kind of want to throw up’#I just came here to read some gothic lit and honestly I’m feeling so attacked right now. (my fault for signing up for gothic lit I suppose)#her English survey class made me never want to look at the written word again#however I know this isn’t me having an issue with survey classes (although the rate they make you read at is kind of ridiculous and I read#fast: case in point for one of them I had to read Huck Finn in 9 days)#because I took American Survey from another professor and it was really challenging but probably the best course I ever took at university#I was not expecting to develop such a distaste for the academic world at uni but maybe that’s just my university (whenever I complain about#this my mom always tells me I need to watch Dead Poet’s Society lol)#siggggghhh anyway. hoping for some better classes with my exchange program (although none of them are writing/English as I’m almost#finished with my degree)#english lit#university#english#college
98 notes
·
View notes
Text
Fellas? We ain't okay over here.
#I feel like shit#Still#I mean like... What else do I even feel right now#I thought my grandpa was the that offered me a place to stay#And last night he told me he was doing just fine before I moved in.#Like I even had a goddamn choice in the matter#Like it was either here or the fucking streets in my mind by that point.#And I wasn't even the one that called him it was my mother#So I don't understand how the hell this is even my fault.#And I'm the burden because I didn't have a choice on where to go???#Like I'm sorry I eat food?????? Is that the problem?????????#Because that's all I really do. I'm not breaking anything#That's my uncle. He's breaking shit all the time.#I eat the food he makes.#He asks me to do something and I do it.#I keep quiet and stay out of his way.#So the one fucking time I vent my frustration about my stuff it's like... I'm the burden now??? And my uncle isn't???????#My uncle is the one that's fucking 50 and still living here.#My uncle is putting shoes in the microwave#He's breaking the washers. He broke 2 actually.#The only thing I can think of is that I've just got 4 different things going on with my psychology#So he has to drive me to all sorts of appointments#And like... I'm sorry I was born with autism????#I'm sorry I was born with ADHD????#I'm sorry I was born with a mood disorder that makes me cry a fuck ton????#I'm sorry that after years of your daughter abusing me that I have anxiety????#Like none of that shits my fault#It's not like these things are contagious or that I can force my body to have these issues.
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
everytime i find out someone has assumed i had a crush on them because i treat them with (normal) platonic affection i die a little inside. i fear people have unnormalized just being decent and kind a little *too* much
#it is a tiny bit worse when they take things i did to be nice or make them feel better in that way. please!!#i just want!! to make you feel a bit better about yourself !!!! not that !!!! stop !!!! no!!!!!!!!!!! shoo !!! away !!!!!!!!!!!#-> in people's defense. i dont really have those same shames when it comes to assuring your friends or family you love them.#so that probably makes things feel different.#which i still think is odd!!! love is universal!!!!#-> also. most romantic songs ive listened to dont end up interpreted romantically in my little head LMFAHFSHOO#so that could also be it#(crepe chronic addiction to telling people songs remind her of them backfires on her)#;; sorry guys! i have a joyfriend that i love more than the world! please have those thoughts go away! pretty please! ew !#LMADSGHDOASO#-> ALSO !!!!!!!! this was not meant negatively!!!!!!!!!!!! it just makes me uncomfortable when people assume. its not their fault entirely#just feels abit icky. and odd. for people to have assumptions like that without any basis#i have been in love a total of two times in my life. ido not think im the slightest bit in *LOVE* you when i speak to you twice a week#-> slightly offtopic im glad i dont have to worrya bout confessions anymore with the fact i make my sexuality & status fairly clear#id kill myself if another man talked to me like that#i have an extreme curse.#and making sure i have the lesbian flag on any of my belongings has largely saved me#(for the most part)#crepe rambles#((none of this applies to mylovely joyfriend. i loveyou very much and your interpretations are always perfect. hi#you can assume all you want because you know me and are not weird in any capacity about me. 💜 muchappprecation
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
am i going to single-handedly create a fandom about jay holt from the video game "as dusk falls"? i just fuckin might
#i Cant stop thinking about him. ive literally been dreaming about him. i Need to help him. please#hes just a fuckin kid!!! (18?? 19??) hes a TEEN and his family is FUCKED and its not his FAULT#none of this was his fault. he deserves so much fuckin BETTER#also i thought i didnt care about vanessa but then shes got dead brother trauma hi hello hiiiiii#and now jay does too#fuck my LIFE#ive never been one for self-inserts but actually me jay and vanessa hang out regularly in a tree house we built#we laugh and shoot the shit and talk about what losing our brothers have done/are doing to our psyche#as dusk falls#jay holt#vanessa dorland#new hyperfix u say ? this one will be brief hopefully. bc the game is fucking. unfinished. stupid ass cliffhanger ass bjtch ass#plus im rewriting canon so jay has a good young life. no timeskip for MEEE#maria is literally just rambling. hi#.txt#the only fic ive ever written/outlined was about alana bloom from nbc's hannibal & she Deserved a rewrite#but maybe i need to indulge in writing jay holt's better reality TOO#theres a quote. hang on. a quote from a beloved piece of media. why cant i recall what its from rn#but theyre talking about different timelines n shish and one of them says ''maybe this *is* your best reality'' and its SO sad. fuck#is it hannibal. i feel like its always hanniba#no but also i feel like its not???#its like ''this is your best life. youre not getting a better one''#what the eff is that. im gonna be stuck on this forever#EDIT: IT IS FROM FUCKING HANNIBAL. BUT ITS GODDAMN FREDRICK CHILTON OF ALL PEOPLE WHO SAYS IT#''The optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears this is true.#This is your best possible world Will. Not getting a better one''#fucking CHRIST chilton#lines that go HARD
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
suicide blonde is going back to sleep, literally every time i touch the universe it unravels further and i've lost sense of everything and every character
#it just can't live up to the size and structure of the original so like#idk i need to put lex/val in a universe all their own with dean/inez as strict side characters because it's the only way it'll ever work#and i can't figure out a way to do that because literally every character decision i make - particularly for val - has me primed to fear#people will hate her#which i think is just trauma from dealing with the fic but#idk literally everything i do just falls apart like nothing works#and like val and lex are my true passion to write about so ....idk i just can't figure out what works#but like the priest started as an offshoot and became so original so fast and has such a clear image and purpose#probably because it's a standalone#but this universe does not feel clear to me as it attempts to be so many things at once and none of them are the story i want to tell#i just can't hit the notes i want to hit and i've become so insecure over the characters#which ...is probably my fault at this point but idk#it's just so frustrating <3#and i'm very happily chugging at the priest au but keeping in mind that does not have a happy ending is probably why i'm turning back to sb#but...sb is not working at all#soooo...back to sleep she goes#✯ — diary entries.
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
ventposting of the extreme variety
#self harm tw. not from me for once. lmaoooo my dad admitted to it when he was screaming at me#and he wants to tell me what my mother has done#he's accusing me of not caring about him and not wanting to care#told me i'd never once asked if he was okay#when i can't think of a single time that he as my father has done that to me#i told him i wanted to kill myself last summer and that was why i postponed my exams#it was a shouting match of the worst secrets and now he's gone#and i'm so so scared#he's wrong about so much#but i still feel like i'm the one at fault#im terrified this doesny feel real and WHY is my first port of call tumblr rippppp#need to get out of here so bad#maybe i should leave tomorrow#and get the train#what i really want is to die ngl but thats a bit dramatic#i told him he wasnt a parent#oops#oughhhhh fuck me i need a new father this is too much#and i also need to pass my exams but none of that seems very important right now
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
everybody fucking leaves
#crying rn trying not to wake halo#that friend i had a gut feeling about it was over w#it is#i was right#just got dropped#all bc i chose to hear a potential SA victims side#over my friends friend who i don’t know well at all#when this story was brought to me#not to mention the victim is trans#so there’s sm to this#but none of this is my fucking fault#i just try and do the right things#support people who need it#this is no friend tbh if i can be dumped like this#over literally me trying to do the morally correct thing??#and NOT silence potential victims??#like wtf#WTFFFFF#i’m so sad and angry and hurt
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#personal shit below the tags#just venting about getting dragged into high school drama as an adult#which is my fault because i help coach a high school dance team#long story short my best friend is moving out of the state and won't be coaching next year#and is trying to set it up so i take over as head coach#but she was talking to two of the kids about it today to give them a preliminary heads up and#they straight up said that if the current assistant coach gets the job#none of the team will be going back#but that if i get the job everyone will come back#this grown ass woman has thought i've been trying to take her assistant coach job all year#when i have been perfectly happy as a volunteer#and this whole thing was extremely validating and such a bummer all at once because like#i just won't engage with the drama she's been trying to bring and it bums me out that the kids have noticed it#i've been trying really hard to stay professional in front of them and thought i was doing a good job#i HAVE been doing a good job#but the captain knows what i'm like as a coach because i was her head coach her freshman year and so she's noticed the difference in me#so yeah incredibly validating because every time i've been down this year about this#i've been like 'they know which of us is here for THEM and not the STATUS'#and it turns out i was correct this whole time#they DO know and they have been feeling it which is the last thing i wanted for them#so yeah validating and a bummer all at once#we'll find out within the next couple weeks if i will still be coaching next year#every time i vent about this i feel like i'm trying to sound like i have the moral high ground#it gives me the ick about myself
14 notes
·
View notes