#it's more that i have a thing for creative murderers who like to wear stupid graphic t-shirts

[11queensupreme11]

I started writing the Loki is Sally Jackson AU and would like some thought because I feel like I am having trouble pinning Loki down as a PJO fan first and a ROR one second.

"Loki Pov (6 months post-banishment):

He would be the first to admit that he perhaps did not take it as seriously as he should have. How could he when this world seemed to operate on farcical principles? Gods relied on humans who were not even permitted to know of them. Others who weren’t even truly immortal had to rely on fruit, some of whom even bore his own kin’s names. What a jest!

So, perhaps, he had been a little lacking in his preparations. And, as the mortal “nurse” attempted to coach him through “the options available to a young woman in your situation”, he could feel the cold tendrils of unease starting to wrap around his ribs as he considered what it would mean to bear the child of such a being. Not that he regretted this dalliance by any means. He did not consider himself someone who should know the meaning of the word regret, after all, was he not a trickster god? And Poseidon, the Poseidon of this world that is, was hilarious. An absolutely delightful distraction from the boredom that set in after he invented Sally and overcame his initial disgust with this world. The god had produced more bastards than Zeus while wearing Birkenstocks. Truly a god lacking self-awareness and shame. Exactly what Loki needed (and honestly falling for him was well within Sally's established character …He was just so charming while she was a young and “inexperienced” woman, who could blame her. and Loki? Loki needed an in to start gathering information on the gods of this world and their convoluted system). At least he was going to get a good laugh the next time he looked at Poseidon standing in Valhalla’s halls from these memories.

But…buuuut (now he was getting annoyed, how long could this go for, was she going to start praying for his chastity? Oh what he would give for the ability to kill these filthy mortals without consequences, alas the American healthcare system had managed to come up with tortures that would surpass Beelzebub at his most creative) there were politics. Zeus, Hades, and Poseidon had a deal going from what he could grasp, children too powerful, needing to protect mortal lives, Zeus murdering his brothers' spawn and lovers for sport, and a lot of other drivel he had ignored (they also seemed to be pretending the other Pantheons did not exist, he should poke at that some more, not using Sally though, too risky). See! He did understand actions and consequences, uncle’s stupid punishment was completely unnecessary, and nothing he was learning here was of value (wait what was an epidural? He gave birth to a horse; how bad could a human pregnancy possibly be? Stupid oath. Stupid Styx )

His biggest concern was the baby, the little alien-looking shrimp thing keeping him locked into Sally’s form. Poseidon had apparently sired gods before (He married a daughter of Nereus! A woman no better than a slave as his queen if he remembered correctly. Had the old fish managed to cling to power somehow? How funny, Poseidon the Emperor would sooner castrate himself than let a rival live like that) but most of his children were half-bloods, children seemingly cursed with more drawbacks and difficulties in exchange for their divine blood. Loki was starting to suspect he was missing quite a bit more important information than what this useless woman was babbling about… (What was Medicaid and SNAP? Now this insect was just making up words).

Ah, he was getting out of character. Sally was, of course, delighted to have her child and would love them regardless of the difficulties they would face. She, of course, wanted to know more about the assistance programs the city was offering to single mothers. Please go on. (And Loki, Loki was mortal and lacking most of the powers. Loki was starting to feel unease.)"

Thought? I like world building so I was planning to use Loki to explore the differences between RORs world and PJOs. I feel like he is very critical but I also wanted to capture how silver tongued and tricky he can be. I also feel like he is a caring parent which is another layer of complication to his character. So I have been really struggling with his voice (Odin's internal monologue is even worst the man has so little dialogue and I'm pretty sure Thor's head plays Wii music when he's not fighting, at least the Greeks have personality)

THIS IS THE BEST THING I'VE EVER READ DUDE

NO SERIOUSLY UR WRITING IS MASTERCLASS

I LOVE THE AMOUNT OF HUMOR YOU WERE ABLE TO PUT IN THIS TOO

"The god had produced more bastards than Zeus while wearing Birkenstocks. Truly a god lacking self-awareness and shame"

"alas the American healthcare system had managed to come up with tortures that would surpass Beelzebub at his most creative"

"What was Medicaid and SNAP? Now this insect was just making up words"

this is so fucking perfect dude, YOU ARE SO GOOD LMAO I LOVE THIS

also, i 1000% agree that he is a caring parent! he's a silly little guy but he loves his babies (he's just super embarrassing about it). he's definitely the type to grant his kids a lot of freedom too. but i feel like, sine percy is half-human, he'd be more paranoid and worried about her especially since her universe is pretty harsh towards demigods. so i think he'd be struggling a lot about the fact that:

he's supposed to entrust his baby to a camp full of psycho kids (thats how he sees them lmao) that could kill her???

she's gonna be sent on QUESTS

a bunch of gods and monsters want her dead???

THEY'RE SENDING HER TO WAR????

and "where's my child support????"

the rules and restrictions the pjo gods face are also very baffling to him too

rip loki, good luck raising percy 😔

ALSO, i got a recent ask from an anon that i haven't replied to yet, but they wanted to know what ur ao3 account is!! i wanna know too cuz i really really REALLY wanna read your works once you're finished (you're the one who asked to make an ao3 fandom tag for arsenic blues right?? if not, pls ignore this oops)

[thegreatestsandwich]

Hey can you do a imagine with Morpheus where the reader is a normal person that is the reincarnation of Dream wife that was murder by Roderick Burgess and Dream find her? The rest is to you

Something fluff and romantic

A Blossom in Spring (Dream of Endless x Reencarnation!Reader)

(This man, I'm telling you guys, he got something that just ughh)

Pairing: Morpheus x Reencarnation!Reader

Word count: 2.3k

Summary: He lost you once and now he had you back, he won't let you go easily. 

A/N: I hope you like it! Sorry it took so long!

Coments, Reblogs and Asks are happily received!

Masterlist

How many times can someone be lost in a city they had lived there their whole life?

The answer it’s just infinite.

But to be honest it could be helpful if you actually tried to stay focus on how you lived your life, but the reality is that you have the attention span of a goldfish. Your thoughts just seem to drift from one thing to another, you could be described as a golden retriever, your mind was brilliant, beautiful and creative thoughts happened there, sadly you just shift from new idea to new idea. Thankfully you were a baker, so that helped you. Sadly, you were a baker, so every burn was a consequence of that.

Life was just too beautiful to simply stay focus on one thing at a time.

You sipped your green juice, the same juice you decided you hated the moment you made it, but one of your New Year’s resolutions was to drink this sickening stuff every morning wherever you went to work. Stupid healthy life.

After two right turns, one left one, into a small dangerous alley, twenty-seven steps and almost running straight into a wall, you finally arrived at your bakery unharmed. Well, a pair of arms wrapped around your waist to keep you from crossing -running- the street into your death.

Your head turned to look at your savior or saviors. And you were definitely staring.

His face was the definition of perfection. It was like a Greek sculptor decided to just create what a dream come true was like. Saying that his face was just perfect was to insult him.

So every single synonym of perfection began running wildly into your mind.   

Flawless? Check.

Superbness? Check.

Exquisite? Check.

Magnific? Check.

He was perfect, simply perfect, totally symmetrical. He was just wow.

So you said screw it and without any logical thinking, you reached up and grabbed his cheek, turning his face to every possible angle.

Yep. God decided to be good and create him.

Again. Wow.

“Are you alright?” The voice next to him asked, your eyes forcefully leave him to focus and the other person. And let’s just say, your reaction was the same.

“Are you real?” You asked instead, touching the women face the same way you touched him. You tried to shake off his arms but he didn’t budge, it kind of blush at that. “I’m sorry but like, why are your faces the definition of the crème de la crème?”

The women laughed, her hair bounced at the motion. “Thanks! Good genetics I supposed, don’t you think so little brother?” Your eyes turned to the men who refuse to let you go.

Your eyes wandered to their clothes, both where dressed in all black, it was really weird as it was the beginning of autumn, wasn’t people supposed to wear brown colors or something like that? The man reclusively let you go and took a step next to his sister.

“Something wrong?” The woman asked you curiously as she watched you practically devour her brother with your eyes.

“Nope!” You smiled, softly swaying side to side. “Thanks for saving me for a shameful death but I’m late for work, well I’m the owner but I have to be strict with me because I’m the only employer at the moment, but yeah if I don’t apply these kinds of rules to myself well, disaster. So I should go but if you see me walking straight to the arms of death you are more than welcome to save me. That goes specially to you handsome.” You began crossing the street, several people grunted at you when you pushed past them. You slightly turned and saw them still there watching you. “I’m single!”

Nailed it.

Death kept smiling as she watched her brother’s eyes kept on you. “So you were right little brother, she’s still the same as before.”

“Not a word sister.” Morpheus said as he turned and began walking away, not waiting for her to catch up.

“You know I have to go her way right?” She tried to kept the situation serious but it was impossible as her little brother halted his steps and turned to her. “I have a few stops the other way around but if you want you can retorn to your realm.”

Morpheus began walking back to her, his eyes hardening as he stood in front of her. “As I said sister, not a word.” His head nodded to the direction, silently motioning her to continue her way, he would follow.

Death linked their arms and began walking once again. “I’m happy you got her back Dream” She whispered, quietly hugging a little tighter his arm.

He only hummed in response. “I’m as well.”

Sometimes you hated Wednesday.

It was the slowest day of your week, the store mostly stayed alone, a few customers here and there but mostly you just sat behind the rows and rows of delicious pastries you made last night.

You sighed for the sixth time in the last fifteen minutes.

The sound of the door opening made you happily stand up, you breathed in relief when you saw Irene and her boyfriend-not-boyfriend enter your store. She smiled at you the moment her eyes made contact with yours.

“Hi seaweed.” You happily greeted her. “Hi Mickey.”

“Hey, little cupcake, what’s up?” She greeted you. Mickey nodded at you, letting himself being drag quickly to the little cabinet, looking at all your desserts. “Did you saved me the lemon pie I’ve been craving for weeks?” Her short hair moving alongside her excitement steps.

You pouted for a moment, trying to appear sad.

Key word. “Appear”

“You know I did.” Irene squealed in delight. “Let me just go get it.”

You quickly made your way to the back.

It wasn’t even a full minute when you heard Irene screamed, you quickly ran back to the front and the scene was just absurd.

Irene was screaming, hitting the handsome guy and beautiful girl with her pink bag.

“The fudge?” You whisperer alerted the two new arrivals. “I went away for five seconds and there’s a crime scene at my store.” You amusedly said. “That’s a felony, you actually committed murder on my store.”

“It’s not what it looks like.” The woman from before tried to defend herself against the fury of your friend. She was losing. Her brother stared at you. If he wasn’t a murderer you would felt flattered.

“Is he really dead or just passed out?” You wondered out loud. There was no telling what was going on. “You should stop hitting them Irene.”

“You know these people?!” Irene stopped for a second, looking at you in skepticism. “You know there murderers?!”

You shrugged, still looking at Mickey’s body. “Well, know, know them…not really, I just collide with them this morning, it actually makes sense that they are murderers, they are just absurdly good looking to be good people.”

“We are not murderers.” The woman offendedly said, moving away from Irene’s fury, “He was supposed to be alone for a few seconds.”

“We do not mean any harm to you.” The guy finally spoke, still looking at you. Irene noticed that and stood in front of your form, murdering him with her glare.

“Shut up, murderer.” Irene slightly turned to look at you. “Call the police, I’m not letting them get away.”

“On it!” You quickly grabbed your phone. “Hi! There’s been a murder on my store…Yes, the two murderers are here with me and my friend…Yes…Well, they are really hot…No, well that’s a really ambiguous question to ask…If you give me a minute I can ask them, yeah…Yeah.”

“Please hang up.” The guy slowly made his way to you, graciously moving around Irene, who gasp in offense when he ignored her. “Let us talk.” He pleaded gently.

You placed your index finger on his mouth.

“Shh, I’m reporting your murder with the police, hang on…” He grabbed your phone and destroyed it. “Hey! That’s a really not expensive phone…And you just destroyed it with your hand. Hot and strong? Awesome, are you an illegal alien…wait you are?”

“Jesus Christ, (Y/N).” Irene grabbed your arm, quickly separating you from the guy, still wary of the girl. “You cannot ask someone if they are an alien, that’s offensive. Plus, the last thing you need is to get involved with an illegal alien.”

“Irene! They are right there!”

“They are murderers, honey.”

“We still don’t know if they murder Mickey?”

Irene had never questioned your intentions, after she left her abusive boyfriend, spend several months trying to get back at her feet with no money, no place to live and no one willing to hire someone without experience, she knew she was to turn into the life of a criminal. But then you came, you offered her a place to stay and help her get a job. Irene knew in that moment she would do anything in her power to not let you go the path she went through. So when these two beautiful people came into the store and the woman touched Mickey, causing him to just tumbled into the ground unmoving. She knew they were up to on good.

“Fine, fine!” Irene stressed out, she turned to the other two who kept watching them. “I’m closing my eyes, so does her.” She pointed at you. “The moment we open them, you are not going to be here and same with Mickey’s body. Got it?” She close her eyes, her hand placed against your eyes. “I’m counting!”

Both of you felt them disappear.

You opened your eyes when Irene took of her hand of your face and you were correct they were gone alongside with Mickey’s body.

Irene forced you to close early and both of you went to your place. For some reason, you didn’t understand why you were so tired.

You were confused as in why you were in a basement.

Remember.

Everything was hazy and you couldn’t focus.

Remember.

You felt yourself being drag into something.

Remember.

Your body felt the coldness of another body, but it wasn’t uncomfortable, you tried to cuddle into the body, you felt it hum.

Remember me.

You woke abruptly, perhaps it was the nightmare you just had or perhaps it’s the set of two eyes watching you from the darkness.

“It is rude to stare at someone in the middle of the night.” Your hands began playing with the bed sheets. “At least come and sit on the bed.”

Your jaw went slack when you saw the man of earlier walking closer to you. Yeah, total insanity right here. You wrapped the bed sheet around your form as the guy silently sat on the edge of the bed. The moonlight illuminating his face, making it more dreamy.

You arched a brow at him, trying to understand why was he here.

“So…what are you doing here?” You asked him. “Wait, am I still in my dream? This definitely doesn’t look like that basement from earlier.”

The man looked at you un surprise, silently mumbling ‘basement?’

“You remember?” He asked you, his voice warm and smooth. “You remember me?”

You pouted, your eyes shutting with force trying to remember your dream. “Not really, I mean there was a basement and a naked man that looked awfully like you, have that dream for a few nights now.”

The man took your hand and kissed it softly. “I have truly missed you, my wife.”

“Wife? Wait, hang on, that’s like a thousand million steps ahead buddy.” You tried to take back your hand but he didn’t let you. “At least tell me your name, because I’m calling you Steve Rogers, like Captain America.”

“My name isn’t Steve,” He let go of your hand. “Dream of Endless.”

“Dream of Endless, that’s really a dramatic and kind of cool name to be honest.” You nodded along your words. “Tell me, Dream of Endless, why are you doing in my room, besides watching me creepily?”

He smiled, his eyes shining even more brightly. “You were having a nightmare, I came to ease your fears.”

“Nightmare? Are you like the king of nightmares of something?” You looked at him, he had such a powerful presence that for some reason it made you breathless just looking at him. It was as if the air around him revolved around the energy and strength of the universe. Something you wanted to keep to yourself.

He felt your gaze and turned a bit so you could look better. So you could take his aura more.

“Yes, I am.” He whisperer. “You know it, you just need to remember.”

To be honest, you lost yourself for a bit, not really paying attention to what he was saying. “You are so beautiful, like you are that limited edition of something that it’s so difficult to find it feels it doesn’t exist…Are you French? Because you are really dreamy.”

He laughed. “I have missed how you always say everything that comes to your mind.”

“You know,” You said. “You might be a vampire if you are not French, and you seemed to belong to a dream, and your name is literally Dream, are you really real? Is that dream really real?”

“Yes.” He answered honestly. “I’m sorry this feels too much information.”

You shrugged. “Heard worse things, believed me, being friends with Irene makes you experience some crazy things in life.” You paused for a second. “I tell you what, Mr. Dream of Something Something, Let’s talk a bit more at breakfast, yeah? I’m kinda tired right now.”

Dream smiled softly, his hand brushing away some strands of hair from your face. “I’ll see you when you wake up, my wife.”

“Can’t wait.” You smiled back.

[gretavanlace]

Sweet Little Toy (part 2)

Jake kiszka Danny Wagner x reader

18+ only! Minors do not interact!

Warnings: graphic sexual content, unprotected sex, language, dirty talk, oral sex, orgasm denial, penetrative sex, daddy kink, restraints, impact play (alluding to), breath play, etc, idk

“You look so pretty like this, princess.” Jake’s arms wrap warmly around your waist from behind as you pat your cheeks dry with a hand towel. “All scrubbed clean and sweet.”

“Ugh,” you groan, hiding a smile. “I’m hideous…a monster! Look away!”

He huffs a listless laugh into the crook of your neck. “You’re beautiful. I wish you wouldn’t wear makeup at all.”

“Why’s that, Sir Jacob Thomas?” You’ve let your tone soften. “Is there another way you’d like to paint my face?”

“Princess!” He pretends to be scandalized, rutting himself against your lower back so you’ll feel how hard he is for you. “Are you asking to wear my cu—“

Danny’s voice, powerful in its irritation, cuts him off. “I told you to get ready for bed.”

Your eyes meet his in the mirror, but dart away from their brooding heat immediately, offering only a nod of acknowledgement.

“So you understood, but chose to let him climb all over you like a whore who doesn’t know what’s best for you, anyway?”

“Daniel.” Jake’s tone now carries authority and weight as well. “Don’t be disrespectful to her. You know I hate that.”

“She likes it just fine, don’t you, dove?” A tiny squeak of a sound trembles out of you as he moves closer.

In response to that, Danny wraps his massive palm around your arm and pulls you away from his counterpart. “Did you brush your teeth? Wash your face? Take your vitamins?”

When you confirm that you have done all of those things with widened, innocent eyes, he’s tugging you out of the room. Admonishing you as you skip and stumble along behind him, trying to keep up with the stride of his long legs.

“I know you think he’s your Mr. Wonderful Prince Charming Precious Jakey, but he’s too soft, baby. The rules are put in place for you…for your own good. Spare the rod, spoil the child and all that.”

A delicious shiver races up your spine as he guides you down the hall. “I’m not a child.”

“Your bratty attitude says otherwise.” He snaps.

“Someone has to balance out your bullshit.” Jake snarks as he follows. “All you do is boss her around and dole out punishments.”

“And all you do is let her get away with whatever she wants.” Danny sounds dangerous with irritation. “She could commit murder for fun and you’d pat her on her pretty head and get rid of the body.”

“So?” Jake clearly can’t see where the problem lies in that.

Suddenly, as though you’re the one who’s smarting off, Danny has you pressed up against the wall with his hand pawing teasingly at your throat. “She likes it, isn’t that right, sweetness? She likes it when I put her over my knee. When I spank her like a naughty little girl. She fucking loves it.”

It’s mostly metaphorical, Danny’s punishments are far more creative- but you nod eagerly all the same.

“Well, she also likes it when—“

“Shut up.” Danny growls out, head snapping to face Jake so quickly his curls whip softly against your cheek. “You’re in trouble too. You’re fucked. So, just watch yourself.”

A breathy moan trips off your tongue before you can catch it. It’s quiet, a barely there puff of air, but they both pick up on it.

“I think your pretty, coddled princess likes the thought of you down in the flames beside her, Jacob.” He nudges the tip of your nose with his own. “S’been a minute, hasn’t it, little one?”

“Fuck…” you sigh, arching away from the wall, searching for the weight of his body.

“No, no, baby,” he tsks, clicking his tongue quietly. “No swearing. That isn’t very nice.”

“I’m allowed to curse in our bedrooms.” You smirk, feeling extremely smug and clever to be reminding them of their own rules.

Danny is quick to set you straight back into line. “Are you stupid? We’re still in the hallway.” He squeezes your neck just a touch harder. “Haven’t even had a cock inside you yet, and already you’re just a dumb little baby.”

You reach to pull Danny closer, and also extend a grabby hand out for Jake…he feels so far away, but Dan is having none of it and drags that hand back in close to him.

“Go ahead and beg for him, dove. Stack your crimes as high as you want. I’m the executioner tonight.”

“Might as well make it worth your time then, Wagner.” You whisper, licking over his plush, soft lips, fighting to hide a self-satisfied smile.

“Oh, does someone think she’s cute? Hmm?” His knee slides up between your legs as Jake’s mouth appears, lapping languidly over your exposed shoulder. “Is our gorgeous girl feeling brave?”

“Fuck it right out of me.” You pant, grinding down shamelessly. “Make me behave.”

Danny drops the dominance for a blink. “You want it?”

“Need it.” You correct.

“You sure, princess?” Jake speaks up beside you, sounding halfway down the road to nervousness.

It isn’t that watching you take your punishment is the worst thing in the world, his cock aches at the thought…it’s just that he prefers to punish you with pleasure. Overwhelming pleasure. He’d rather fuck you blind over and over until you’re boardering on incoherence; soaked in your own cum and begging for sleep.

“She’s sure.” Danny’s fingers dip under the towel you’re somehow still wrapped in, and delve between your thighs. He drags them gently over you until they drip with your desire, and then offers them up to Jake, who eagerly sucks them clean with a murmur of a groan.

“Taste that?” He slides the pad of his thumb over Jake’s beautifully chiseled cheekbone. “She wants it so badly. Says she needs it. You want our angel to have what she needs, don’t you?”

Without further hesitation, Jake pushes away from the wall and tugs at Danny’s mass of wild curls as he passes, with a hushed, “C’mon.”

Dan hauls you up into his arms and tosses you over his shoulder, cracking your ass swiftly through terry cloth when you shriek in surprise.

With little time to process, you’re slung onto Danny’s bed with a gasp punching out of your lungs upon bouncing impact.

“Listen to all those whiny little noises,” he smiles absently at you while addressing Jake who is watching over you with a darkened gaze. “Fussy tonight, isn’t she?”

This isn’t your favorite thing… when they discuss you as if you aren’t there to overhear it, but something in Danny’s cadence tells you they won’t be a team for long, so you let them have their moment.

“Too many clothes.” Your god of a drummer orders offhandedly, leaving your beloved guitar player to handle that while Dan moves to the chest at the foot of his bed…sifting through silicone, and leather, and metal.

Jake has stripped you of your towel and himself of everything by the time Daniel straightens; his prize clutched triumphantly in his grasp.

“The collar?” You snipe. “I wore it last time. You’re boring.” There’s that unshakable brat marching to the battlefield once more.

He laughs softly, and without humor as he searches your ankle cuffs and chains out, “Oh, little one…” the restraints land onto the duvet at your feet with a deafening clink, and then his hands are in Jake’s hair. “Who said anything about you wearing the collar tonight?”

A sound of needy shock shudders out of Jake.

“Get up.” Danny orders with the quiet authority only he seems capable of.

You rise to your knees as he leads Jake onto the bed between the two of you. He is flushed such a warm pink, and breathing so heavily it flutters over your face, tickling your cheeks pleasantly. What a beautiful moment…you file it away as one to never be forgotten.

“So sweet, Jakey…” you soothe, bestowing a single, gentle kiss at his temple. “I love you.”

He nods, and stares into your eyes with smoldering devotion.

Danny offers up the collar, and you take it, mesmerized by being on the other end of it. The power of it all, the commanding weight of leather and steel in your grasp. You feel like a deity…one who may bless with her mercy should she so choose, or curse with her wrath might that suit her better.

But you know Danny through and through, and this unexpected authority will be snatched away soon enough.

Just as well, you decide, you’d much prefer to be on your knees before the throne, rather than reigning upon it.

“Put it on.” Danny whispers, shattering your reverie.

“Hmm?” You feel a million miles away with your fingers curled around the supple leather.

“Collar him.” He reiterates, this time with a more readable force.

“Do as he says, Princess.”

“Why?” You search Jake’s eyes, swimming down deep into the adulation you always find in them. “Because you want it? Or because you don’t want to see me in trouble?”

You won’t stand by idly and watch him endure something he doesn’t want simply to spare you from enduring something you certainly do want.

“You’re already in trouble, sweet thing.” He grins that perfect smile that lights up his entire face. “Now c’mon…and cinch it tight.”

Breathing in a broken, stuttering pattern, you complete the task as Danny hold’s Jake’s hair up and away from the buckle and your shaking fingers.

“Good girl, little one.” He praises, stare on blazing fire as it ravages yours. “Now take the leash.” He nods towards it. “Go on.”

Tentatively, you let the metal chain snake through your fingers as they both clock your every move. Watching as if you’re their favorite movie and they are unwilling to miss a single frame.

“Good girl, again, dove.” Daniel’s approval sets your chest on fire and the smallest moan betrays the burn. He’s heard it, you’re sure of it, but mercifully, he refrains from taunting you about it.

“That’s just so, so good, baby.” Once again his eyes are blackened into a slick of oil and narrowed in lust. “Now give him to me.”

“What?” The insubordination has been leached from your veins, this is genuine confusion. Judging by the growl that trembles wantonly out of Jake, he doesn’t share in your misunderstanding.

“He’s yours, baby. Not mine.” Danny clarifies, clear and strong. “I won’t take him from you. I’d rather you give. Can you do that for me?” His fingers stroke through your hair lovingly. “Can you give him to me?”

Demurely, you offer up the leash. Presenting it like a gift…and isn’t exactly what it is? It leads to your Jacob, and he is most certainly a gift.

“Good girls share, don’t they?” Danny coddles you with his words.

“And you’re such a good girl, aren’t you, princess?” Jake’s voice is satiny smooth, drifting through your head like poetry. “Say it, out loud.”

“I’m such a good girl.” He was right, speaking it into the room makes goosebumps spring to life on your skin.

“Yes, you are.” Danny agrees verbally, as Jake nods with adoration in his eyes. “Lie back now, sweetheart. Let Daddy cuff your ankles so you stay where you belong.”

Drifting back, your eyes flit between the two of them. You love them beyond measure, need them more than anything…and to know they feel the same makes your existence feel like a fever dream.

Jake watches on quietly as his friend secures your ankles to the footboard, he pays close attention when Danny buckles the cuffs, no doubt ensuring they aren’t too tight. He worries over your circulation incessantly when you’re bound.

The leash is whipped into his palm the second he has you strapped tightly to the bed. “Isn’t your little princess cute? So needy and spoiled.” He breathes into Jake’s ear, reaching a hand down to skate two calloused fingertips over his cock.

A strangled noise catches in your throat; they so rarely touch each other this way, but it never fails to absolutely level you.

“She liked that.” Jake whispers with a subtle thrust of his hips…he liked it too.

“No shit she liked that.” Danny quips like it was a stupidly obvious thing to say. “It isn’t about what she likes or wants right now, though, is it? Our angel is being punished.” He yanks up on the leash to punctuate himself, sending Jake sailing back against him.

“Look at her pretty pink cunt.” He licks over Jake’s ear between words. “She’s soaked. See how she catches the light?” He hums in appreciation, as if you’re art in a gallery. “Just like diamonds. Gorgeous girl.”

You rock away from the mattress in response as your cheeks flush with heat, and your knees attempt to meet…you feel so completely on display.

“Keep them open.” Dan orders, reaching forward to swat at your thigh. “We can switch to the spreader bar if you prefer.” His fingers drop to tap at your cuffs.

With the spreader bar, comes the thinnest of canes…they go hand and hand in Daniel’s book, and you can easily conjure the white hot sting of the cane hissing through the air to sizzle into your flesh. Sometimes you welcome it, sometimes you beg for it…tonight is not one of those times, so you shake your head and comply.

“Is my little dove going soft on me?” Dan teases, kissing a trail down the curve of Jake’s neck. “She can sass me all evening but doesn’t want what comes with it?”

“No.” You lift your chin in defiance you can’t seem to help. “I’m not soft at all. I can take it.”

He suppresses a proud smile, but you catch it anyway. “So if I got the cane right now and turned you pink wherever I felt like, you wouldn’t whine and beg me to stop?”

“Turn me purple wherever you feel like. I don’t mind.” You challenge with a shrug as Jake calls for you to just shut up for once.

“Aw, Jakey’s worried about his lil sweetheart.” Danny taunts, fisting Jake’s twitching cock again. “I won’t cane her tonight, just for you, alright?” His mouth is ghosting over Jake’s cheek as he whispers to him. “I won’t spank her, or smack her, or choke her, would you like that? If I didn’t make it hurt? Just for you?”

“Yeah,” Jake nods with fervor, a hissing breath sucking in through his teeth as he rocks into Danny’s grip. “Be nice to her. Treat her sweet…she’s my girl.”

“Our girl.” The chain rattles hauntingly as Dan yanks it harshly in warning. “And I never said I’d be nice, I only said I wouldn’t make it hurt.”

You can’t decide whether to pout or breathe a sigh of relief. Not a single crack of his palm? No ironclad grip around your throat as he chokes an orgasm out of you?

He must catch the conflicting emotions in your gaze because he offers up a flash of a wink, and then creates some slack on the leash, giving Jake a guiding push to the shoulder. “Down you go, I think our girl would like a little kiss, wouldn’t you dove? Right on your spoiled cunt? Would you like that?”

“Yes, please…” you pant, eyes on Jake as you address Danny.

Jake drops down like a man starved, face buried between your legs before his tongue has even made an appearance, lips kissing and pressing against you feverishly, cheeks sweeping back and forth until his face is shining with your slick. “Fuck, princess…” his words are muffled agony. “Move you hips for me, sweet girl, fuck your pretty cunt against my face.”

Without thought, your body gives in, and you’re rocking into his kiss as his tongue begins to swirl wet circles over your clit. He suckles it into his warm mouth now and then until you're shaking and thrashing beneath him. Moaning obscenities and fisting his hair ruthlessly.

“Yes,” you breathe, absolutely lost in the haze of it all. “Fuck, yes…please…don’t stop don’t stop don’t stop…”

He groans blissfully into you -a promise that stopping is the last thing on his mind- sucks your swollen clit straight into his mouth, dragging a scream out of your lungs, and then he’s gone…

Yanked up and away from you hard and fast by the leash clutched in Danny’s grip.

“No,” you plead, springing up to grab for Jake. “Please…”

Jake fights to return to you, eyes locked between your legs like he’s never needed anything more in his entire life. “Let fucking go.” He reaches back and attempts to pry Danny’s fingers away from the lead. “I want her…wanna make her cum. Let go.”

“Shh.” Danny snaps, hitching back on the tension brutally. “Just shut up.”

Tears spring to life in your eyes and Daniel mocks them immediately. “Look, poor baby is gonna cry already. Spoiled, bratty, little thing. Gonna throw a tantrum now, are we? Maybe kick your feet and…oh wait,” he pretends as though he’s just remembered the cuffs keeping your feet firmly in place.

He bides his time with a smug air dancing about his beautiful features, watching you closely and holding Jake in place until he’s satisfied you’ve calmed down sufficiently.

When he at last lets loose on the leash, Jake descends with his eyes burning fiercely into yours. Stay quiet, he says without a word, I’ll get you there and he never has to know.

Hesitation has no place here, and your aching clit is tucked into Jake’s sweet mouth right away. He works it back and forth with his soft, full lips, silken tongue fluttering over it like butterfly wings. He plays you perfectly…like you’re his beloved Gibson. Coaxes every silent note of pleasure out of you like your body was molded just for him.

He feels it coming, and reminds you not to tip your hand with narrowed eyes burning up into your flushed face, and a silent ‘shh’ that ends with his soft tongue curling over you.

A tiny gasp is your only tell, but he is wrenched away from you once again. He struggles back until the collar has rendered him beet red in the face and unable to draw breath.

“Stop,” you urge him, voice shaking like a weak autumn leaf clinging to its branch. “Jakey…stop, baby.”

“Yeah, baby…” Danny snipes into his ear. “Stop.”

Jake stills in defeat, eyes raking over your quivering body desperately.

“You think I can’t tell when our little girl is close? Even when she’s quiet?” Danny addresses his other half, but his eyes are on you. “She blushes pink so pretty…and her mouth gets sort of pouty…it’s very cute. Nostrils flare just a hint, legs spread a bit wider…”

He pets at Jake’s hair soothingly as he looks you over. “You can’t hide from me, dove. I know you inside and out.”

“Let him make me feel good, Danny.” You beg, opting for another angle. “I’m sorry I acted up, I’ll behave. I’ll be your very good girl. I’ll keep my eyes on you and it’ll be your name on my lips when I cum, I swear.”

A sound of huffing upset sounds out of Jake, but you ignore it in favor of placating Daniel. “I need it. Need it so badly…please?”

“Well, would you just listen to her?” Danny clicks his tongue as if he thinks you’re adorable. “Cute as a button when she begs, isn’t she? You wanna take care of that greedy little cunt for her, Jacob? Wanna make your princess a happy girl?”

Jake nods with a heated urgency that makes your entire body throb and pulse painfully. “Make a mess in my mouth, princess…” he breathes, as Danny slackens the tension on the chain. “Lie back and let me take care of you, sweet girl…I’m gonna do such a good job for you.”

You relax back against the pillows and tuck your hands into his silky soft locks…they’re slightly dampened with sweat and tangled into snarls of exertion the way you love best…he could be on stage from the looks of them, but you know better.

“Yes, Jakey…” the praise moans out of you the instant his mouth seals around you. “Just like that…fuck,”

A growl sounds out of him, rumbling against you like vibrating waves, in response. You tug harder on his hair by way of calling back.

“You’ve got her so close already.” Danny pretends to sound impressed, but there is something else hiding in the shadows of his tone. He addresses you with daggers in his gaze “Does he eat your sweet cunt better than I do?”

For less than a split second, your stare flutters away, running from his question. It happens so fast, it’s barely there at all, but he catches it just the same as if it had lingered on.

“Oh,” he grins, a snake curling closer to an unsuspecting mouse. “He does, doesn’t he, dove? You like his pretty mouth? Does he know just how to baby your clit? Does he know how to suck it just right?”

Jake sucks you into his mouth as he listens on, humming against you when you fuck against his face.

Your grip grows frantic as you pull him in, thrusting against his mouth with tiny, wanton pants of breath. “Just like that, Jake…baby, please…feels so, fuck…please!”

“Nope.” Danny sighs nonchalantly, before dragging Jake up and away from you once more.

“You fuck!” You snap, jerking your body up as best you can to cling to Jake as he writhes against the collar you know so well.

Your whole body is alight…burning in raging flames as you scrabble against the refuge of Jake’s body.

“Lie down!” Danny barks, startling you enough that you shrink back.

Once you’re settled and panting against the pillows, Dan trails his free hand slowly down Jake's chest. Journeys a winding trail down his stomach, and then wraps a loose fist around his thrumming, leaking cock. Jake doubles over slightly with a hitching moan of pleasure.

“Yeah?” Danny teases in his ear, gentle as you might coo to a newborn babe, “S’that what Jakey needs?”

He strokes over him a little faster, tightening his hold.

“No,” Jake stutters, shaking his head with zero conviction. “I need her.”

“Fine.” Dan nods, “Look at her then. Isn’t she stunning? Look at her face…”

They both soak in the fire burning in your eyes, your parted, bitten, puffy lips, the sheen of sweat that makes you look like an angel.

“Look at her body…” their gazes trail down, drinking you in as you arch away from the bed, grabbing at your own breasts, desperate for touch of any kind. “She how she’s shaking? She wants us so badly.”

Danny squeezes Jake’s twitching cock faster, twisting over his glistening head with a flick of his wrist.

“And look at that gorgeous pussy…” he purrs, loving on Jake’s cock with greater aggression. “Fluttering and clenching around nothing. Can you see it? Look how pretty…”

“Touch it, princess…” Jake’s tone is hushed, rasping need and want. “Touch your cunt for us. Make that sweet little bit of velvet heaven feel nice for us. Be a good girl.”

Your fingers drop between your legs and dip into your dripping, clenching warmth, without hesitation. Two fingers sink into your cunt, but it isn’t enough and you plunge a third in with a broken whine, back bowing away from the mattress.

They growl in unison as they watch your fingers disappear and listen to you moan and cry out as if you’re being fucked by a thick, perfect, cock.

“Don’t forget your clit, sweet girl…” Jake reminds through needy gasps that make you throb from head to toe. “Take care of her for me, alright? Lick your fingers, so they feel like my mouth.”

Your opposite hand fumbles through the haze to your lips and you suck your fingers in, wetting them just like you’ve been told, and then there they are, circling your clit lightly, lapping against it, trying to find that beautiful rhythm Jake’s tongue always dances in.

A sharp intake of breath steals through Jake’s gritted teeth and it pulls a needy moan out of your chest…listening to him fight against the pleasure Danny is coaxing out of his quaking body has set you on fire. You want him to cum, you want Dan to make him cum…you want to watch it happen.

“Look at her…” Dan hushes into Jake’s ear. “She wants me to make you cum. Can’t you see it in her eyes?”

Jake nods furiously and fucks up into Dan’s grip. “Yeah, look at your pretty girl…your greedy little cock princess is fine with her own tiny fingers right now even though they aren’t enough…even though she has to chase it down…all because she wants to watch you cum in my hand.”

“Fuck yes, Danny…” it bursts out of you before you can stop it. Are you breaking whatever spell seems to have drifted over them? Dan catches your eye and his stare forces you to finish your thought. “Make him cum…I want to watch him…c’mon. Do it. Do it, please…”

Danny’s fists crushes against the weight of Jake’s dick as it pulses and throbs, and Jacob falters down against you, his forehead barely grazing your navel before Dan pulls him away, leash clinking like filthy, ominous, music.

“Oh princess…fuck, fuck…” he whimpers as Dan jerks him into the oblivion of his climax…pumping furiously along his length, working him through until he’s spilling warm, white cum all over your belly instead of in your mouth where you really want it.

The sex choked air in the room swells further with the broken sounds gasping out of Jake so beautifully. You can’t take your eyes off of him, and yet somehow, you can feel the weight of Danny’s stare clocking him as well. You are both completely enamored. He is so entrancing.

Danny gives him a few moments to collect himself and then guides him away from you, grasp still tucked tightly around the leash. “Get up there and baby her.” He orders in a quiet rasp, leaning down himself now to curl his pretty pink tongue over your belly, cleaning up the mess Jake’s made.

“Oh…” it shakes and stutters out of your chest stupidly as you watch Dan lick up a tiny puddle of Jake’s cum.

“So good, little one.” Danny breathes after savoring it on his tongue. “Jealous?”

“Share…” the begging, whining, plea sounds so foreign it makes you want to ask who has spoken. “I want to taste him. Please?”

It’s Jake who responds, stroking his fingers down your cheek. “Pretty princess begging to taste my cum.” You watch as he moves forward, gently nudges Dan out of the way, laps up a few droplets of himself and then blesses you with a kiss that tastes like him. Bitter and sweet, and so very Jake.

“Thank you.” You sigh, after swallowing him down.

“Anything for you, angel.” He whispers back, kissing across the sheen of your brow.

“Hate to interrupt the wedding vows…” Danny snarks, sounding territorial in the most decadent way, “But are you ready, dove?”

The warm, swollen tip of his cock is slicking back and forth between your folds, teasing over your entrance, nursing it’s way inside as you whine and claw at his waist, ready for more…ready for it all.

His eyes lock onto yours with dirty mischief playing in his gaze just before he slides into you. One smooth thrust, and you’re filled to the hilt with his hard length.

He warms you from the inside as you whine and squirm…he feels too fucking good.

“Danny,” your voice hitches and shakes like your throat has never uttered a sound before. “Fuck me..fuck me…”

“Hmm?” He goads, loving this moment.

“Fuck me…” it whimpers out of you. You’d like to say more, you just can’t quite remember how.

“What?” He presses on, sliding his cock back and forth so, so, slowly.

“Fuck me…” tears are sneaking up on you.

“You heard her.” Jake intervenes. “You’ve had your fun.”

Like Jake has been calling the shots all along, Dan begins to piston in and out of you just right as you purr and writhe beneath him.

“So pretty with a cock inside you, princess…” Jake praises, petting at your hair. “I wanna watch you cum.”

“Yeah..” you nod, completely lost and cloudy.

“Yeah?” Danny’s voice carries a taunting edge. “Little dove wants to cum on my cock?”

“Yes…” you gasp, clawing at his forearms. “Please, please…”

“Someone found her manners,” he pants, betraying how close he actually is. “Good fucking girl, baby, good girl..”

You hum, preening like a spoiled kitten at his praise and Jake’s gentle touch.

“You like that, sweetheart?” He huffs, biting down on your throat. “You like being a sweet little thing for me? So warm and tight? Pretty whore just for me and Jake? Hmm? You like that?”

You dig your grip into his back and then release, only to pound your fist against his shoulder blade as your orgasm sinks its teeth into you, shaking its head like a rabid dog until you’re lost in it completely, tossed about this way and that in the heated pleasure of it all.

Your vision slowly clears to the sound of Jake’s soft voice, praising and loving you with his words, though the only one you can make out is, “...messy…”

You find his eyes and bask in their love while Danny pants against you, clutching at your waist as though you might just disappear.

Messy makes sense when, with a shuddering growl, Danny pulls out. It draws attention to the soaked sheets below you, and the drenched thighs you can’t ignore.

You pay it all little mind and float away into the afterglow of it all. They’ll take care of you, you know that. They’ll coax you back and clear your head. They’ll love on you with their hands and their prose…you’ll be dipped into a warm bath, treated to a glass of wine. They’ll worship you gently, they’ll love you gently. They always do.

Taglist: @gretasintrees @greta-van-chaos @gardenofgreta @theweightofjake @tripthelightfandomtastic @celestialfauna @s0livagant @groggyvanfleet @kiszkathecook @brokenbellz @llightmyllovee @doodle417 @seventieswhore @jakeslovehandles @jake-kiszkas-smirk @tripthelightjaketastic @jakeslovehandles @loofypoofy @70sgroupielovr @heatmyfleet @age-of-nyahh @sammiboo162 @spicedandicedtea @jakekiszkasleftnutsack @saoirsemaeve @mywickeddivinity @calumspretty @weightofdreams-gvf @imdepressedaf1996 @greta-flanveet-admin @alisonwonderland29 @gretavanfleas @gretavangroove @sparrowofthedawn @avagvf @joshkiszkas @tbagggvf @obetrolncocktails @gretasmokerising @tripthelight-fanfic @mckenna4 @sarakay-gvf @theweightofjake @joshsmama @sammysvanfeet @rhythm-of-space @paintmyhouse @dvrkblooms @highladyofasgard @jordierama

[charleecat-bat]

SLASHER/HORROR AU

So a handful o fyou actually were interested aside from one person by the time i’m making this so yeah uh. look away. don’t wanna be upsetting.

NOW i do want to clarify that I made this in the sense to be a black comedy sort of AU due to watching so many skits and shorts of horror characters in comedic situations, that was my main inspiration. 

my buddy @barsikscorner​ has been helping me develop ideas for this weird lil au.

enjoy below

please keep in mind it’s def not for sensitive softhearted people. I want to entertain with my ideas as weird as they are.

Sonic- A supernatural being who has memories of being alive but doesn’t remember what happened to him or how he died. It took him a long time to understand it but having a ‘life’ of inactivity and seeing so much more bad stuff when you’re not properly alive made him want to take action and he soon learnt how to. He toys with victims and tries to scare them into righting their wrongs but if they’ve done something unforgivable or irreversible or refuse to change, he kills them in a creative fashion. kinda based off freddy kruger but less nasty and gross.

Amy- A slasher known as either the Cupid Killer or the Rose Ripper. Goes after abusive partners and sexual predators due to her idealistic image of love so seeing this sort of behaviour makes her fly into a rage. uses her iconic hammer mostly for her kills. She wears a heart themed mask. 

Tails- a sort of 'cyber' ghost. he had died and his spirit became ingrained into tech and cyberspace. He can sort of 'appear' outside of tech and into the material world but not for too long. Can communicate with people, mostly his victims, through their tech. He targets criminals and terrible people of all sorts online and either forces them to repent for their crimes or just makes their life a living hell until he decides to end it, whether it be for him or making them doing to themselves.

Cream- mostly normal. Has a strange connection to monsters and creature however and hence the chaos. They protect her. Chaos have a bit of a 'yes they're cute but they can be dangerous' reputation in this AU. they definitely have taken care of people that have threatened the sweetie bbies life and safety without her knowledge.

Vanilla- A protective mother who either lost her first child or almost lost Cream herself so she started to become a serial killer who went after child murderers, abusers and predators. She keeps this side of her away from Cream and is a loving mother nonetheless. Her main weapon are garden shears that can be seprated into a pair of blades and her mask is deocrated with flowery designs. 

Knuckles- an undead/ghost like slasher that has become one with the woods he’s connected to, quite literally having roots and such all over and even inside of him (being exposed in old wounds he has). He’s cursed to walk amongst the mystical land that he was murdered on and now protects it and keeps people out. He’s very easy to anger but he’ll never attack people like lost children or people who are obviously not looking to trespass and are lost. Anyone who does trespass and does anything he deems disrespectful to the land or just refuse to leave he handles violently. He tends not to leave the area and hasn't even tried to. He might be able to. Might not.

Shadow- A space-like being that can shapeshift into horrifying forms. He was taken and experimented on a spaceship but grew close to a human girl named Maria on board. They used this to have a chance to study him without the risk of him being aggressive. After she was killed during a government break-in and he was captured and taken back to Earth. He went on a vengeful rampage in the base and now just does his own thing on earth since he can't exactly leave. He was tempted to destroy everyone but now is content on just watching the stupid shenanigans and occasionally tormenting someone he doesn't like. And gossip. Inspired by Pennywise/It and Predator

Rouge- a seductive slasher that has very strange desires and doesn’t really have any motivation other than she wants to. She likes to take bones (and occasionally the blood) of her victims to make accessories and jewellery out of them. She’s not completely heartless though and has standards and there stuff she won’t do. She uses her beauty and appearance to lure victims most of the time, to appear innocent and harmless or sexy and sultry depending on what she wants. She wear’s a beautiful decadent mask, and sports specialised finger blades she created into gloves.

Silver- a mysterious spirit that’s tied to a cursed object. he has telepathic and telekinetic abilities and can burn disturbing images and distort a persons mind and body possibly, even mind control if he wants to need to decide how he functions properly more so inspired by samara/sadako and possibly think of other inspirations like bagul from sinister

Blaze- an otherworldly being that is hinted to used to be a normal person in one lifetime but no longer is. She works by supernatural means and tortures her victims horrifically but doesn’t do it indiscriminately. Mostly only does it when she wants, especially to those that try to summon her and use her power for themselves. Inspired by pinhead mostly but also could take elements of candyman

Big- a wild beast man that didn't have a regular upbringing. He has a werewolf-like condition where he turns into a beast against his control, for his own safety and everyone else's safety he lives in isolation. He as a special connection to animals and even has befriended Froggy who is a monstrous being that can disguise itself as a frog, it’s been named the loveland frogman when caught in one of it’s many forms. His uncle had raised him alone and kept him in the dark about how dangerous he really could be and mostly did his best to keep him safe, so out of all of them he is one of the most innocent as the worst he does is literally against is control and he's unaware of it since the most he'll know is that he'll wake up and just look around adn see blood and gore or see it on himself. He has more animal friends than mobian friends. 

Vector- a justice-seeking serial killer. He worked as a main detective with cops but grew tired of seeing not only horrible people go free and dodge the law and their punishment but even see the people that are 'supposed' to be the good guys be horrible people and letting shit slide. So he decides to take the law into his own hands and goes after anyone who he sees needing a just punishment in his city, dirty cops, abusers, predators, politicians, basically anyone who he thinks are utterly awful people that deserve to be punished. He can be quite sadistic and torturous with them and is very thorough with his research. was initially inspired by Jigsaw but he's not a hypocritical prick like Kramer.

Espio- He’s in a strange state of being an ‘undead’ being. He can’t quite tell if he’s alive but no longer mortal or if hes’ dead but still around on the mortal plane. He's kinda just... stuck in between. It’s a very strange situation. Theres evidence supporting both, he can still bleed the tiniest bit but no longer feels and still occasionally needs to eat and drink but he definitely doesn't have as much limitations he was when he was mortal/alive. Vector had found him when he broke into and ‘dealt’ with his abductor and ‘murderer’, they Vector and Espio got quite a fright when Espio was somehow still alive. Since then Vector has looked out for the lone chameleon despite being confused about his situation. He works as an assistant to Vector and they do have a very 'big brother' 'little brother' bond. He wears an Oni-themed mask. He has strange markings on his body such as his hands his back and chest, he still doesn’t know wha tthey mean but feels they have something to do with what happened to him. 

Charmy- normal mostly but can see ghosts and even repel them in a way but he doesn’t realise it. winds up protecting vec and esp from a lot of unseen danger and also is unaware of this. Charmy frequently will talk to ghosts but Vector is honestly fine with this due to all the weirdness he's run into, and initially, he just thought it was Charmy having imaginary friends. He is not involved at all in Vector and Espios 'business' because they dont' think he needs to know about that. 

Mighty- a murderous and protective spirit. he was murdered by 'accident' (if you call taking abuse too far an accident) by his father due to all the physical abuse but it was made to look like an accident so his father could save his reputation. His little sister was enraged by this injustice and in an attempt to find closure and just to talk to her brother again, his spirit was summoned and he became a vengeful being that wanted to protect her. She unleashed him on their father as a result. Matilda either summons his spirit or he just makes his own way to protect innocent people, mostly children but anyone they feel needs protection… or anyone they just want to suffer. When not angry Mighty is actually still the same form what he was in life, minus a bit of more of a temper.

Matilda- a creepy and slightly unhinged girl that studied the occult. She had done a ritual/seance to summon her brothers spirit again when he was murdeed and now he serves as her murderous protector. or just annoying ghost borther who watches and judges anything she does that he doens't like. Judgemental eyes from the grave from your brother is very annoying.

Ray- ghost boy that got attached to Mighty’s spirit and Matilda. they let him stay as he really doesn't do anything to harm then and is just lonely. He doesn't really do much of anything but can lure mighty to people, startle them to shit or even attack them but he leaves the more lethal stuff to Mighty. (kinda like toshio from ju-on/the grudge)

Nack- a heavily abused slightly mentally unstable hybrid that was abused by his small town heavily until he finally snapped and went on a rampage, killing some and driving the rest out. The village became run down and abandoned very quickly, becoming overun by nature again. The only thing intact is a scrappily made shack that Nack made himself in the middle of the land. He lives on the large property of land and guards it and does anything and everything to keep people out due to still being traumatised and afraid of people and thinking they're going ot hurt him and just not trusting them.  He is proficient with guns and prefers his shotgun but can and will use other weapons, a hunting knife, machete or even a chainsaw. He's shown to be incredibly strong despite his small size, being able to run with a chainsaw in hand. (inspired by leatherface and mick taylor)

Bark- a cold serial known as the Billionaire Butcher that targets greedy billionaires, getting a distaste for them after growing up surrounded by like-minded people. He drains their accounts and steals money and while he does pocket a small amount for himself, he doesn’t keep all of it because he doesn't want to become what they are. Most likely just keep his own regular reputation as good hearted philanthropist by donating a lot of money to good causes. His main methods include using an ice-pick as his main weapon due to experience with the tool. He met Nack in a rather awkward way but they quickly became friends and he was the first person allowed on Nacks property.

Bean- A mentally unhinged boy that has a penchant for fire and burning things. Just a very strange kid. he escaped from a mental hospital and ran onto nacks property and he and bark just let him stay as despite his mental stability of there lack of he was mostly harmless to them.  he doesn't talk a lot about his past but has shared tidbits, including stories of abuse, burning his own home down and mistreatment and abuse from the hospital. he ever has burn scars. He tends to chill out in the attic of their home and just likes to appear out of nowhere. (sort of inspired by billy from black christmas)

Infinite- A telekinetic and telepathic being who was ostracised by a large ration of people in his home town, mostly the religious types due to thinking he was a devil-child. He snapped after thinking he lost his family when his house was set on fire.As a result he went on a rampage destroyed the a huge chunk town with his powers and killing the ones who were responsible. He now lives and deals with a lot demons and strangeness... literally. He’s not aware his family actually survived they just didn’t even give him a moment to hear this and he left before he actually got told. DUMMY (Inspired by Carrie)

Gadget- a victim of a wannabe cult, they wanted to sacrifice him but it didn’t work and he became possessed by an incubus, a demon of lust. He struggles with his urges due to the demon and at first fought it and then finds an arrangement thanks to Infinte, his boyfriend. Actually kills people while doing the deed with it and if needed, feeds on their bodies, not the extent of Storm. (Inspired by Jennifers Body kinda) The demon has a slightly different voice and changes the colour of his eyes when it's speaking through Gadget and Gadget definitely has a demon form that is either physically attractive or purely terrifying depending on the taste. It’s not an entirely pleasant situation btu Gadget learns to handle it. 

Jet- a insecure and pissy lil birb boy that got into a life of serial killing after his cousin got possessed and needed flesh/blood to survive. At first, it was nerve-wrecking but he quickly got a taste for it as he enjoys making people feel powerless and afraid, he toys with them before finishing the job including phone calls, threatening messages and taunting them verbally while going after them. Inspired by Ghostface. He gets mad fun of a lot by the other professionals. 

Wave- a dark web guru. She has a massive powerful following on the deep dark web and does a lot of dark illegal things, such as selling body parts on the black market and even doing strange videos and documentation of experiments. She was also not involved initially but due to the situation their cousin got into she quickly did and then quickly found out about how much money they could get and also get rid of a lot of the body parts. Win-win situation in her mind. She has definitely gone a bit crazy due to all her experimenting and the shit she does for the dark web. She wears a plague doctor-inspired mask when recording and documenting stuff for the dark web. 

Storm- While originally only doing little crimes like thievery for money, he also was the victim of the same wannabe cult that Gadget was and it also failed, becoming possessed by a demon of gluttony. It makes him want to devour flesh and blood and he unfortunately had no choice. When he gets to the point where the demon demands for him to consume, he cant eat anything else even if he tries. It just comes right back up and he starves. He’s still coming to terms with it and grew depressed and got a bit of a tricky relationship with food. he gets some help from gadget so shit doesn't suck for him entirely anymore. The Demon definitely is based off of Venom is some silly way. The demon is a bit of a screamer and talks loudly to Storm and since only storm can hear it 90 percent of the time he gets VERY tired of it (i initially wanted him to be food related like a killer chef but god i didn't want him to be a willing cannibal that's just another level of ICK)

[noroi1000]

Hello! Hello! Can I have matchup if it’s open?

I would like a Jjk male matchup. Let’s start with the basic:

Personality: I am an INTJ Slytherclaw, Aquarius and a Type 6 when it comes to anagrams. I am a huge overthinker and stress a lot with anxiety. People tell me that I can be blunt which results in people thinking that I can be cold but in reality I try to be a kind person when it is needed. I am a realist and many consider me to be intelligent, often asking me to help with their work. I’m incredibly passionate about things I like to do and have a thirst to know everyone’s opinions as I feel that if someone is left out. I’m a creative person but sometimes my brain just goes blank, I hate when it does. I sometimes follow the rules and can be serious if I wish to be but normally I like to goof off and break rules, adrenaline rushing through my body is just a different feeling I can’t explain. I have a really dry sense of humour that usually is a mix of sarcasm, fandom jokes or self degrading jokes. I’m not that good at describing personality but here are a few kins if it is helpful : Navier, Mikasa, Regulus Black, Annabeth, Shinobu, Shoko ( Jjk), Geto etc.

Looks: I’m slightly chubby and have a pear body shape. Upon seeing me, many people point out my eyes which are hazel with slight flecks of many colours such as green and amber being the prominent ones. I have a button nose and thin heart shaped lips. My face is round and my eye shape is almond. I am approximately 5’3. Two small moles are fixated on my right cheek and underneath my lip. My clothing style tends to be anything comfortable and classy. I prefer to wear black and colours that are darker, you will never find me wearing orange or neon colours. My clothing always consists of a dress of some sort. 

Likes: Chocolate, Anime, Reading, Drawing, Strawberries, Smell of Rain, Sleeping, Being the Best, Baking, Daydreaming, Murder Mysteries, Romance , Name hunting, Pinterest and Flower Languages.

Dislike: Loud noises, Jerks, Slow Walkers, Insects, Studying, Fake People, Self-pity, Getting below 90% in a test, Coffee, Snow and the feeling where your brain is blank and can’t tell what you feel like.

Love Language: Physical Touch and Quality Time

I hope this is enough information

Sorry you had to wait so long! I had it in the editing queue and completely forgot because I had your matchup in another note.

I think your matchup is Itadori Yuji

I chose you a boy with a sunny smile.

Not everyone has to be the same for someone to fit together. Just like your case. You are not identical, but you have something in common.

Yuji calls himself stupid. But his wisdom is also demonstrated in other ways, not only as intelligence on basic topics. He is intelligent and strong. But he keeps telling himself he's stupid. He would like to constantly put others above him. He cares about someone more than himself. This is where his social intelligence shows. Seeing that someone deserves help. Seeing that only he can help in some way. And coming up with an idea so that no one gets hurt.

For some time he had clearly known that there was death and life. He didn't paint life as the most beautiful and perfect. There is everything in the world that people would not want. He became a positive realist. Life is cruel and you can't pretend otherwise. But you should focus on what can make you smile, right?

It cannot be denied that he is a sociable person and tries to establish a common language with everyone who is closer to him. He never wanted enemies. But he doesn't like people who are fake and mean. But they are part of the real world. Wanting to lead a carefree life and not have to look at the horrors, he cannot forget about everything that ensures safety and happiness. Rules can be broken. If these are the rules that make you unhappy. If you're safe even if you break it, what do you have to worry about? The most important thing is that nothing bad will happen.

He will do everything necessary to make his loved one smile.

Yuji doesn't like idleness or anything slow. He has so much energy that cannot be exhausted. Anyone could be tired or bored. But he still doesn't lose his energy and will run around like a playful puppy. That's why whenever you want some wild experience that will make your heart beat so fast, you can count on him to go with you. First of all, he will go with you so that you don't go alone. Secondly, he will go with you to know that you are safe and sound and will return home. Third, he will go with you to have some fun.

When it comes to volume, he can be really loud. But you can turn his volume knob to make him quieter. Once he senses that you don't feel comfortable with loud sounds, he will turn it down as much as you want.

As I mentioned, he has a lot of energy. With it you won't be bored, and there won't be anything monotonous and slow. Perhaps he will want to have a little competition with you? But knowing your passion for winning and being the best, he will definitely let you win just to see your smile. He could pretend to be the person with the worst results just to keep you happy.

He is addicted to everything you like. He likes almost everything. There is nothing he hates. He will adapt to any food and activity. He is so flexible in the relationship that he can be anything.

Best friend and beloved.

His favorite love is certainly spending time together and touching.

[bylightofdawn]

Are ya'll ready for: El seriously overthinks video games + minor FF7 Rebirth spoilers hour?

I'm finishing up the mission on Junon where Cloud and Co go undercover and just watching Cloud lose himself in the role, genuinely getting ATTACHED to the Seventh Infantry and me then having to escort my baby infantry ducklings around as they murder other Shinra troops out of the mistaken belief they are on the other side made me FEEL A LOT OF THINGS. Like holy shit that’s insane even typing it out. And kinda dark and a little twisted. And potentially fucks those poor Infantry troops over yet they are STILL rode or die for Cloud. I wasn't expecting to get socked in the feels as much as I did.

Because Cloud is so detached and emotionally standoffish, watching him seriously get into the role of playing at the Captain of the Seventh Infantry is hella significant.

And I think it's because it's so familiar and something he is missing. He misses the camaraderie and brotherhood of serving. Sure, he moved onto becoming a SOLDIER and who was his damn role model/sempai? Zack Fair who is one of the most big-hearted, best big brother energy dude ever. So of course he would subconsciously internalize that's what a good leader should do. Sure, there was also Sephiroth but he's clearly the worst and reflects what bad leadership skills would be.

So yeah, I think there's a part of Cloud that misses serving, or at least misses that sense of brotherhood. He's been a lone wolf for so long, I can't imagine he's not starved for that kind of connection. It's also prolly easier and less complicated than the relationships he has with the main party.

Okay so that's me being all philosophical. Now let me be a degenerate and horny on main for a second.

Holy fuck nuggets Rufus is so hot. He's ALWAYS been hot but he's especially hot and v. Ice Prince-y and I fucking love it. I am laughing at the absurdity of his clothing and how it continually gets more complicated and ridiculous. He legitimately looks like he's wearing a fucking farthingale with that ridiculous belt collection he's wearing. Or yanno....bdsm gear. XD

Somehow they have managed to take Roche who was already at Maito Gai levels of over the time 100% energy and made him even MORE ridiculously and over the top. I lowkey wish he would stop talking. I have an excellent solution on how to do that and that is for Cloud to shut him up by fucking him until his brains bleed out of his ears over his stupid bike. Or yanno, there are other ways to shut him up varying from gag and other creative things to occupy his mouth with.

Even though it's clear Cloud is pretty hetero-coded but after like 25 years of soooooo much Sephiroth/Cloud, Zack/Cloud fan content, I don't think that's going to stop the internet (or myself) from shipping him like a fandom bike. Hell I actually love Cloud/Tifa cause I am a disgusting multi-shipper.

Ahem. Anyway I hope Cloud gets to reunite with his Seventh Infantry people at some point. I think I'm like.....1/3 of the way through the game and holy shit. I've discovered I detest minigames. I love side-missions in games but fuck DDR minigames or that damn in real time strategy game Fort Condor. There's a reason I've never been interested in FF Tactics.

EDIT: OMG Red XIII going full on Karen Mode and demanding to speak to the bartender/employee who won’t let him play in the Queen’s Blood tournament because he’s an ‘animal’ is the funniest shit I’ve seen so far in this game. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

EDIT 2: never mind, Red going full on Chester Cheetah/Michael Jackson absolutely takes the cake. I’m ded.  I also stayed up way too late beaten this freaking queens blood tournament mini game and I really gotta go to bed now.

[nexttrickanvils]

Bruh bruh I am so annoyed seeing everyone gobble up the Pokémon rip off. It's clearly someone wanting to be an Edgelord, "oh you can murder the not-Pokemon and you GRAPHICALLY HARVEST THEM! Oh you can treat humans like the not-Pokémon which here are your slaves and you get bonuses for destroying their mental health" and I haven't seen ANYONE describe like what the game says about it? Or even the harder battle system which it seems like based on the popularity of rom hacks and Nuzlockes is what older fans actually want?

Like I rolled my eyes with edgy murder Mickey Mouse but come on what is the appeal of Pokémon but with murder? Congrats you're as creative and have as much media literacy as PETA

I avoided talking about it for various reasons like I know there were people who interested for reasons other than "it's pokemon but edgey" and more monster catching games in pokemon's vein should be a good thing.

But after seeing the designs, some of the uglier aspects of the gameplay, the dev's cheerleading for AI, and seeing people ride the game's dick cause they wanna say fuck you to Nintendo. I'm just. I'm done being nice.

I hate the fact that it has this built in defense of "you just hate it because you're a Nintendo stan."

BITCH I DIDN'T EVEN BUY SCARVI BECAUSE OF ALL THE BUG AND PERFORMANCE REPORTS!

No, I hate it because it's the same tired jokes I've heard for over twenty years. I hate it's stupid sense of humor (oh the not-pokemon who wants to bang people is number 69, hardy har har.) I hate the designs of the not-pokemon especially since some of them do just look like pieces of established pokemon copy and pasted onto each other. (There are also accusations that they stole concepts from fakemon which given the AI accusations, would not surprise me.)

And I am not opposed to there being more pokemon-likes.

Competition is good.

But I would not be surprised if after the shock factor wears off, it just falls off. So uh, I don't think this is gonna be the shot in the arm to wake up Nintendo/The Pokemon Company.

[ghosttownwherenoonegoes]

Uncle Wayne’s been worried about you too, he sees you banging your head on the desk when you don’t understand something. You’re not stupid, okay? Believe me, I know how it feels to just not understand.

I miss you when you push me away because you promise yourself later, but later never comes, does it? I wish I could be here with you always, but I know I can’t. I miss you when you’re at work, and when I’m at school.

Taylor is great, isn’t she? Always taking great care of everyone no matter who they are. She’s worried about you, and I am too. You’re doing amazing, or so she tells me, keeping up with your meals and catching up on studying and sleeping enough. You’re doing so well, you’re such a good girl, aren’t you? I’m so proud of you, sweet thing.

—Eddie🖤

Uncle Wayne has been worried, too? Oh, no, I need to watch myself around him. The last thing I would ever want to do would be to worry him. He has enough to worry about as it is.😫💔 I only ever want to be the best me I can be for him, and I stole his flannel again so I could wear it with my Hellfire shirt but under my Ozzy jumper…three layers of emotional and physical comfort🥺💖 thank you, Eddie. My study often makes me feel stupid, I find it hard to grasp a lot of the basic concepts and it makes me wonder how I’ll be able to understand the more complicated ones in later years. But I’m only in my third year of six and more training has to be done after, before I get to say I’ve achieved my dream, so there’s time.

You’re so, so intelligent, Eddie. Creative and I don’t know how you manage to work out percentages on the fly in your head like you do when you’re dealing or DMing, you’re incredible!😍 You work so hard and I know you want to graduate, I know you do, and I believe in you. I’ll help you in any way I can!🫂💗

That’s true. Later never comes. I just get more and more tense and annoyed because there’s never enough time with you so I don’t even bother coming over to say hi because as soon as I do, I’ll wanna just stay with you but there’s always work to do. So in the end I keep to myself and make myself miserable.💔 I need to stop denying myself time with you. It’d make everything else easier to handle. I wish you could be with me always. The daydreams are, at least. It’ll do until we can find more time for us.🫂

Taylor is wonderful, I adore her so much. And you’re wonderful, too.❤️ I’m sorry to worry the both of you, I truly don’t mean to. I trust Taylor with the full extent of how I unhealthily cope with and express things and when I get too self aware, something which has always been a problem, she’s there to untangle thoughts when I get myself in a knot. She’s amazing and I hope she knows how much I love and appreciate her.🥺🫂🙏💖 The sleeping issue is something I’m still working on, it’s inconsistent and I go from 3 to maybe 12 hours a night, it’s all over the place. But at least I’m sleeping. Are you taking care of yourself, Eddie?💖You better be, or I might have to swing by a bit more often to come see if you’re treating my angel properly.

“Good girl”, “sweet thing”, hhhh🥺🥺🥺🥺 it’s not nice to murder people, Eddie.🥺😂

I’m proud of YOU! Thank you thank you.🫂 Spending time with you has made me feel better.❤️

[novakiart]

@nevidimochka i wait with bated breath

[bonkusdonkus]

So I have a bad habit of coming up with crazy ideas for characters that will probably never fit into any campaign I’m in. I just can’t stop myself!

That’s one of the funnest things about D&D for me, just brainstorming wacky ideas. This is a game that encourages you to do some creative gymnastics while you play, and dang it if I don’t get carried away sometimes.

(I’m also pretty sure I’m not alone either, if what I’ve seen other people in the community say holds any weight, lol.)

So I’m an attempt to get some of these guys out of my brain, I’m gonna vomit some random character ideas I’ve had here. They could be player characters, NPCs, villains, whatever, these are just an assortment of random thoughts I’ve had rolling around in my head. Feel free to steal any ya like, or use them for inspiration for your own ideas or whatever. Or don’t! You do you!

An ancient Dragon has become deeply disillusioned with the world in their old age. They’ve seen how broken it is, and seen how little those with the power to do something about it actually care. They ponder this tragedy, they wonder, and think, and ruminate on it, and somewhere amid all their pondering they slowly begin to lose their grasp on reality, slipping into a fiery haze of fantasy and madness. They transform themselves into a mortal, forgetting their true form, and set out into the world as a noble knight, determined to right all wrongs!

A sentient weapon formed a powerful bond of friendship with their wielder, forged in the fires of battle. But one day, their companion was murdered. But not in battle, like a warrior, no. It was a shameful, treacherous murder. Perhaps they were poisoned, or killed in their sleep. Regardless, the weapon is furious and heartbroken that it could do nothing but watch as it’s friend died, and has sworn to bring the killer ( or killers) to justice. But the only way it can do that, is to possess the empty corpse of their friend.

A powerful Devil (cambion, secubus/incubus, Rakshasa, whatever, take your pick,) disguised themselves as a mortal to seduce a mortal whose alignment can really only be described as Stupid Good, and corrupt them, for kicks and giggles. Just to blow off some steam, ya know? Being a Devil is tough work after all, what’s the point if you can’t toy with some mortals from time to time? But then it uh… Kinda backfired. Because they went and caught for feelings for the dope, and suddenly find themselves being dragged kicking and screaming into a redemption arc, because not even a devil is immune to himbo energy. (Bonus points if some of their old fiendish “colleagues” kidnap their lover, and now they have to go on an adventure to save them, trying to figure out this whole “being a decent person” thing along the way.)

Three Kobold friends all share a dream of being famous bards, one is an amazing musician, one is an incredible dancer, and the last one has a phenomenal singing voice. There’s only one little problem: All of them are extremely shy in one way or another. So, to collectively achieve their dream, and overcome their various insecurities, they hatch (heh) a cunning plan: To work together and become the most famous bard the world has ever seen!… By stacking on top of each other and wearing a robe/trench coat/big fancy clothes to fool people into thinking their a single Dragonborn, with the dancer on the bottom, the musician in the middle, and the singer on top. Truly, a flawless plan.

A mad wizard, in an attempt to sow chaos in an innocent farming community, Used True Polymorph on a dairy cow to turn it into a massive red Dragon! But uh, it kinda backfired. Because instead of going on a rampage like the wizard expected, now that Bessie had sentience she was much more interested in having a chat with the nice farmers who raised her. And their neighbors. And their neighbors neighbors. And their neighbors neighbors neighbors. Basically, instead of creating a dangerous beast, the wizard created the town chatterbox and gossip monger. Perfectly harmless, but a bit of a blabber mouth.

Because of a clerical error in the contract, instead of binding their Warlock into their service, the Patron accidentally magically married them instead. Now, they’re both bound together in unwilling, seemingly unbreakable holy matrimony. Oops! Now the two of them have to work together to break their accidental bond, bickering and bitching the whole time. (Bonus points if they actually do fall in love at some point along the way. What can I say, I’m a sucker for a good enemies to friends to lovers story!)

Kenku twins who both want to cure the Kenku curse, but have diametrically opposed methods. The first is a cleric, and hopes that through faithful service and a worship, they can convince their god to help them find a cure, or just outright remove it. The second is a wizard or artificer, and despises the gods for abandoning them to the curse. They seek to cure the curse through science and magic, believing that the gods can’t be trusted, and that the Kenku must heal themselves, not rely on fickle celestial beings. Though the twins love each other dearly, they’re ideological differences mean they are often often at odds with each other.

A band of pirates follow a treasure map they stole to a tiny abandoned island in the middle of nowhere. They dig in the marked spot, and find a huge chest! But when they open it, instead of a treasure, they find a very confused and very lonely Warforged made entirely out of precious stones!

Adoption is an admirable thing. Not only are you growing your family, you’re reaching to those in need, giving them a loving home. Now, in a world where there are so many different races, interspecies adoption is not unheard of, albeit a little uncommon. That being said, many adventurer or ex-adventurer couples choose to adopt, having found many youngsters in need on their journeys. Though, they tend to bring home some uh…Exotic new family members. Just ask the Lingthrow family, which consists of three Minotaurs, two young dragons, eight Gnolls, four tieflings, an Aasimar, four separate kinds of devil, three orcs, a goblin, two kobolds, a quatl, three Warforged of various designs, two Tabaxi twins, an enlightened horse, five Dragonborn, and two very, very proud retired adventurer parents.

A Kobold Paladin has become utterly convinced that if they do enough good deeds and fight enough evil, they will turn into a Golden Dragon. As cute as that is, no one really takes the little guy too seriously. After all, they’re chasing a fairy tale. Obviously Kobolds can’t turn into dragons… Right?

[aobawilliams]

❛ someone like you is so hard to find. ❜ someone in dcmk but theyre saying it in anger at how stupid the other person is

[Chainsmokers Lyrics Prompts]

(This is set in the Hanzawa-san spin-off of Detective Conan.)

“Finally I have found you.”

Shinich startled, not expecting the other voice. He had hidden in this alleyway because he knew the antidote was reaching its end, that soon he’d be back in this accursed body, and he needed to hide before anyone saw him.

Thus the dirty alley, the closest hiding place. But someone must have followed him, and now they would see-

“Do you know how hard you are to find?” he asked rhetorically, “for months I have been looking for you, in this thrice damned city, leaving behind everything I had.”

Shinichi inhaled, taking a deep breath to make sure he’d be able to answer without making a fool of himself, but the stranger just kept monologuing.

“I had to lower myself, working myself to the bone!”

Oh, it was one of those. A monologuing criminal.

“These damned detectives using me as their handyman!”

Shinichi settled as comfortably as he could in such a situation, knowing this could take a while.

“That thief even tried to steal my most beautiful Lou!”

Oh yeah, he remembered something like that. Not that he considered it too important since, as always when the thief was involved, no one died.

“Someone who could have been my friend was arrested for murder and one of my roommates was murdered! In two different accidents!”

Only two? This guy should be happier, statistically the Beika resident gets accused for murder in at least 4.3 cases, and is a witness in 9.8 cases (and these were the statistics after they took out any cases where he or his friends were involved.)

“I can’t even wear what I like for fear of being taken as a criminal!”

Oh, that must be why he was wearing such fashionably distasteful clothes then.

“This is the closest I could find to my usual clothes!”

Oh. He might not have had murdered anyone but such bad taste in clothes was criminal.

“But finally! Finally I have found you! The one who brought me here! Finally I can take revenge for what you did to me!”

And here he took a pause. Shinichi still waited a bit to make sure before he asked:

“Oh, you’re done?”

The man glared (or, well, tried to. Shinichi would rate it a 3 on the scale of glaring. He gets a pity point for trying.)

“Sorry, you never know with criminals these days.” Some days it felt like monologuing was all they were doing. “Alright, I don’t have much time for this, so let’s do it quickly: murder is bad and will ruin your life, do you really want to do this to your poor little dog? Plus it’s not like you can get away with it you know, the current successful arrest rate in Beika is at 114%. What did you even bring as a weapon?”

He looked flustered.

“You do have a weapon, right? To murder me?”

He played with the straps of his bag.

“Well, I mean, you know, it’s not like I was planning to find you now,” he explained, to which Shinichi nodded in assent because even he himself never knew when he’d appear, “it was more of an opportunity thing, so…”

“So you didn’t bring your weapon with you.” Shinichi said.

“I don’t need a weapon anyway!” Not with those arms, no, thought Shinichi, and he must have seen it on his face because- “I so can murder you with only what is in this alley!”

Shinichi looked around, and indeed there were a bunch of stuff that could be used as weapons (rocks of various size, detritus, plastic bags, even the bin if one was creative enough) but nothing that would help the criminal get away with it. If he were even able to find how to use them as murder tools, which wasn’t a given with the lost look he wore on his face.

“Well, good luck with that.” Shinichi said derogatively.

Suddenly, his heart skipped a beat, and he felt himself clenching his chest as he curled inward. Shit. He forgot about his situation.

“Hey, are you alright?” Was this worry in his tone? “Do I need to call an ambulance?”

“Weren’t you trying to murder me?” Shinichi retorted, disbelief in his tone.

He looked surprised, as if he too only remembered what brought him here.

“That wasn’t concern!” he snapped, defending himself, “it’s just that! That!” He looked around as if searching for the right answer, “it’s just that I can’t let you die before I kill you myself!”

Shinichi’s face showed all his doubts before contorting itself in pain again.

“That’s stupid.” He wheezed.

“Shuddup,” he answered. “Don’t you dare die before I kill you. I’m gonna get someone.”

“Don’t you have a phone?” The (not quite) criminal glared at him.

“Not your business.” He snapped, before turning away.

As soon as Shinichi lost sight of him, he let out a bloodcurling scream as he felt his body melting, his bones shrinking on themselves as he reverted back to a more childish form.

The stranger mur not have been far for, as soon as he shrinked his clothes (Agasa really outdid himself with that invention) he came back panting.

“What the fuck was that scream?” He managed to ask between breaths.

“What scream?” Conan asked innocently.

“Where the fuck is the detective?” He ignored Conan’s interruption.

“I am a detective,” Conan said, “do you need a detective mister?” Conan smiled with all his teeth.

“Not you, the teen detective. He looked terrible but I told him he can’t die until I killed him.”

He almost sounded distraught.

“Oh, you mean Shinichi-niisan!” Conan peeped, “He just left.” The sugar in his tone could have given cavities to a dentist.

Suddenly, the man fell on his knees, clenched fist hittin the pavement.

“Noooo!” he screamed, “not after I just found him!”

Conan approached, giving him a (condescending) pat on the shoulder. “Sorry mister, but he did give me a message for you.”

He lifted his head, hope-filled eyes staring into Conan’s blue ones.

“Really?” he asked hopefully.

“Um-um,” Conan acquiesced right as the first police siren start being heard. “He said to tell you that ‘murder is bad, please think on it while you spend some time with our lovely police force’ and he also added that ‘monologues are a prospective murderer’s biggest weakness.’”

Sato and Takagi exited the car, swiftly approaching them.

“Are you alright, Conan-kun?” Sato asked.

“Yes,” he chirped. He turned back toward the stranger.

He looked absolutely defeated on the floor, gaze blank.

“Bye-bye mister!” Conan waved, “I hope you enjoyed your stay in Beika!”

He said nothing as Takagi gently guided him toward the car. “And thank you for worrying about Shinichi-niisan, he really appreciated it!”

[comehomeducklings]

Present [Part 1] (Obsession)

A/N: Please don't copy, redistribute, and/or post my work on this site or any others. This has taken my time and creativity to come up with the story's characters and plot.

Also, I swear my writing gets better. It's a little rough right now but I'm planning on rewriting them.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

Tom Riddle's Moodboard

Main Character's Moodboard

~////////////////𓆙////////////////~

1943 ~ 6th year

No sound above whispers could be heard throughout the great hall. The food on the table hasn't been touched by a single hand. The very thought of eating churning all our stomachs. Not during these times. Our heads turn every now and then, afraid of what might sneak up behind us. The death of Myrtle and others has shaken the entire school. A murderer is among us, trust is such a foreign concept now.

Dark purple eye-bags lay beneath every single student's eyes. No one is allowed to go home for the holidays. They aren't allowing us to leave, we are stuck in this cloud of darkness and uncertainty. No owls are supposed to be sent out. As the head girl, I'm responsible for every student's life and responsibilities. I have to know where everyone is at all times. It gets tiring at times, but necessary nonetheless.

A nightly routine consisted of all my dormmates huddling around each other. No sleep would come to us all night. We wouldn't move from the same spot until light shown from the windows. Our beds are all pressed together in the farthest corner of the room from the door. Our wands never leaving our hands in case of danger. Every little sound made from the outside provoking us. Even to the point of going mad. Potions used to stay awake, slowly wearing off as the morning arose. No sleep, we can't afford that luxury anymore.

I would leave the dorm to wait at the portrait for our assigned house professor to come. They would tell me it was safe for everyone to head to the great hall to get breakfast. As soon as they were done I quickly went to everyone's dormitory to wake them up, if they even slept at all. I would then inform them that it was safe to step out of their dorms. After everyone got situated I would have the students form a line and lead them towards the great hall. 1st-3rd years would occasionally hold the folds of my robes. Fearing that when they blink I would be gone. Leaving them alone to deal with the dangers that lurk in the school.

Not once have I lied about how they are going to be all right. That would be cruel. These students don't seek pathetic nurturing words, they want a protective force watching over them. So many clubs and activities have been canceled. Hogsmede and quidditch proving as a prime example. No one complained though, quidditch players too afraid to even step out of the castle's walls even if they were allowed.

Back to the present, I hold my good friend's hand as she slightly shakes from anxiety. I can see it in her eyes, the doubt of making it alive eating away at her brain. The spark once present in her shiny green eyes being blown out. Amelia, her name being. She's been biting her nails again, to the point where it had bled. This can be backed by the dried-up blood that is present at the tip of her finger's nail.

A booming voice can be heard, "You are now being dismissed to head to class, your houses head girl and boy will be assigning the group you'll be heading off with."

First period has been removed from every perfect and head's schedule. During this time we search the whole castle for any wanders. We make sure everyone is where they are supposed to be. If someone got lost or went to the wrong class we escort them to where they need to be.

After every class, students have a limited amount of time to get to their next lesson. Although, perfects and heads get more time to make sure everyone is where they are needed quickly. Then we hurry to our class after scanning the halls swiftly.

The once safest school of the wizarding world giving birth to the dark ages. More bodies have been found littering the schools. Most of them not found until their ghosts appear before us. Every single one not knowing how they died. Like the murderer is invisible upon meeting the victim. I originally suggested it could have been done by poison. When the bodies were checked, no traces of poison had been traced.

Professors have been waiting for the person who is responsible to slip up, to give us a clue. I don't think that will happen though. The process of these killings has been too thought out and well planned. I wouldn't be surprised if these mass killings have been planned months before, even maybe years. I've been talking to the ghosts to try and gather all details, even the potentially useless ones. When our headmaster made us heads keep tabs on everyone, the killings stopped for a short amount of time. It was like the mastermind was creating a way to best us, to get past the "little inconvenience." It didn't take long for them to find the weak parts in the plan.

What we have got though, is that every single student killed has been a muggle-born. A classic case of an unfair stigma around the poor wizards and witches. They never were able to catch a break. Amelia, one of my close friends in the friend group. She's a muggle-born, hence the shaking of her hands. I've been keeping a closer eye on her, she doesn't leave my side. She comes on my patrols so I can keep her in my sights, with of course the permission of the teachers. There are only two times that I can not watch over her. Those two times are covered by my other friend Devyn, a pure-blood. She also helps keep her safe, not letting her go anywhere by herself. The two times are because she's in two different classes than I am. One of them being a study hall.

~////////////////𓆙////////////////~

"Professor, how will this class help us now? Reading teacups for predictions should be the least of our worries right now," a student at the back of the room exclaims.

"The said predictions could lead us to the future before it happens. Our worries lay exactly what will happen in the future. If anything, this is one of the most important classes we'll take this year," I say, continuing to read the teacup.

"Precisely, thank you. Now go back to studying, I'll be coming around to view your interpretations."

My tea leaves look more like a blob with a cross going through them. A weirdly shaped blob. I already know there is a cross, but what about the blob? I tried shaking it a little, looking at the leaves from different angles. I already crossed off a club, falcon, and the sun. It could be an acorn, but I see a slight hole in the blob.

Could it be...

"A skull that is." I jump at the sudden voice near my ear. My teacup almost falling from my grasp.

"Pardon, a what?"

She points towards two holes in the blob, one of them I just mentioned, "I saw you already found one hole, there's the other. How it's shaped could be a little difficult to see since the cross is through it, but it's there."

The professor takes the cup from my hand and lays it on her desk. Some of my classmates look at me in curiosity, but they soon lose interest and go back to their own tea leaves.

A cross and a skull, that sounds about right to how my school year is going so far. I scan my book to see exactly what they mean.

A skull, danger in your path.

A cross, trials and suffering.

"What d-did you find?" A Hufflepuff boy to my right asks.

I don't want to scare the poor boy, he's already frightened enough as it is. If my future got around to the school, everyone would start being concerned about me. I'll barely get any of my duties done if I didn't already get it taken away for my safety. Last thing I need right now is even more panic.

"Nothing much, the future is still a little foggy."

"That's, um, good. I couldn't really read mine either," he chuckles lightly, almost seemingly forced.

Our professor claps her hands together, "Class is dismissed, read up about your predictions if you haven't already. No homework today."

I gather my books and push in my chair. Right before I could reach the door where other students are waiting, the teacher stops me.

"I'll have to tell the headmaster about this, I shouldn't keep it a secret."

"No, please don't. If you must, only tell Albus. I can't have this messing anything up, I'll become vulnerable."

The professor looks around the room, her eyes wandering franticly. I'm sure I am asking a lot from her. I really need her to keep this a secret.

"Oh alright, you're my best student. I just would hate to see anything happen to you. I'm informing only Albus to see if he can keep an eye on you."

"Thank you so much, I swear I'll be careful." A huge weight is lifted off my shoulders. I can't be worrying about my future when I have to worry about everyone else's.

I leave the classroom and start heading to my next class. Potions have always been one of my favorite classes. Mixing a bunch of toxins into a pot is a specialty of mine. I'm quickly scanning the halls for any wanderers, making sure everyone is at class. My feet take me to Potions in a hurry. I don't want to miss much, trying to make the class as informational as possible.

"You shouldn't be running, you still have 3 minutes of checking the school."

It's always him, I even tried changing routes to avoid him. His idiotic smirk, thinking he actually did something. All he did is waste my time and train of thought.

"I'm allowed to run Riddle, it's not a rule. I already checked the halls I was assigned, did you?" I really have no energy for this.

Tom peers down at me, somehow still wearing that infamous smile. Eyes bright, filled with mischief and knowledge.

"I have, double-checked as well. I'm sure you only checked once. Such irresponsible actions, I still wonder how you nabbed the head-girl spot."

I choose not to answer, not giving in to his baiting. Does he think I'm that stupid? That easily bothered by a simple test of my patience.

"You could have just said you wanted to walk me to class Riddle. No need to be shy with me."

"Shy, a concept I would not know of. Might as well bring you to class, since I'm heading there myself. Wouldn't want you to be in danger, since you consistently prove you can't handle a simple check of the hallways."

"I told you Tom-"

"Once is not enough, you should know that by now," he interrupts me, feigning a sudden serious facade on.

We start heading towards Slughorn's room. I'm a little behind his figure. Mostly looking down to make sure I don't step over his feet and fall. He sometimes walks with me, very confusing if I may say. Hating my skills, probably still hates me. You can often find us arguing if we are ever partners in class together. The usual game we play, how many questions can we get right by the end of class. Last time he won by one point, my sour mood not helping the atmosphere.

"You look rested, more than me at least," I smile tiredly. My whole body slightly sagging forward from exhaustion. He looks as proper as someone could be. His skin is a little pale though, brighter than usual. Almost like he was sick, his eyes look darker too. More sunken in, the shape of his skull more prominent. His looks still annoyingly well presented.

"Yes, you do look rather tired. I see other things have prioritized above your looks."

This man, the audacity of this man. The only reason I'm not at the top of every class. Our number 1 student count being evenly split. I have to bite down on my tongue forcefully to not say anything back. I'm too tired to truly come back with anything witty, so I choose to save myself from the embarrassment. Instead, I slightly step on his robe on the ground causing him to trip up a little.

He quickly sends a warning glare my way and then continues walking. I smile slightly, knowing even if it was petty, it was worth it.

Riddle doesn't even hold the door for me when we walk in. Causing it to slam dangerously close to my face.

"There you two are, I was afraid you weren't going to make it," Slughorn exclaims excitedly. "Turn your textbooks to page 246, we are going to learn how to make a Polyjuice potion!"

I glance at Tom, his eyes only focus on the words before him not realizing my gaze is on him. I wonder if he'll make this a competition as well. Knowing him, as well as me, anything but competition is out of our character. He looks up catching my eyes, I tilt my head. Trying to silently communicate from afar.

His head turns to Slughorn, then back to me. He nods his head and that's all it takes for both of us to come to an understanding. Whoever can answer the most questions, and create the best potion gets bragging rights.

I don't intend to lose.

[cheelduh]

How to strike your way into someone’s heart (Highschool AU)

Part 2 to this. Can be read alone!

Pairing: Childe x fem!reader

Warnings: A lot of swearing I mean what do you expect they’re all teenagers. Lots of brick slapping. Childe clowns Scaramouche. OH YES this isn’t edited at all lmfao have fun.

Synopsis: It’s your big date with Childe after you lost the bet miserably. You decide to pay the occult club a visit in hopes of finding something that can...ease your concerns. Childe on the other hand has Signora give him a friendly piece of advice, believe it or not. 

Note: SRY THIS TOOK ME LIKE A MONTH

For as long as you can remember, you've never believed in ghosts, demons, or souls that lose their way in the endless void, forced to roam the earth in repentance.

Believing in the unknown takes creativity, adventure, maybe even a little sense of fear. Scratch that—a shitton of fear, because humans love to weave in their insecurities and inability to explain something into something of a phenomenon.

Bad luck lies in this category. Bad luck is simply a way to justify the catastrophe that one cannot admit they have fabricated themselves. Everyone wants a reason as to why shit hits the fan, and it can be anything but their own fault.

Bad luck is nothing but a load of bull to you. That's totally why you're standing outside the calculus classroom during lunch break, which happens to be the official meet spot for the occult club.

You raise a fist to knock, but then falter, thinking over your options once again. Is this what it has come to? Putting your faith into the weird kids that once tried to summon Schrödinger's cat for the physics final.

Fischl kicks the door wide open, a smirk playing at her lips once she spots you. "One cannot refrain from the song of your cogitation. The feline for which thou dwell on—"

A squeak leaves your throat and you flinch back, cutting her off. "You can read my mind?"

"Fischl," An icy eyed boy shows up from behind her and points a thumb back. "Mona needs your help."

Fischl squints at you for a brief moment, and then spins onto her heel to go back into the room.

The blue haired lower class man, Chongyun you guess, narrows his eyes at you. "Is there something I can help you with?"

Finally you manage to speak, palms all sweaty. "Yeah uh, I need your help. You know, with occulty things." You use your hands to articulate your thoughts, but ultimately give up.

You're not sure if it's pity towards your pathetic explanation or simply annoyance, but Chongyun widens the opening. He silently gestures for you to follow.

Stumbling on your feet and putting on your big girl pants, you hurry inside of the room, hoping you aren't seen by Beidou. She wouldn't let you hear the end of this.

The temperature instantly drops, and you have to adjust your sight to navigate. There's heavy incense in the air as well as a a few lighted candles from the dollar store, you guess.

Sitting smack dab in the middle of all the demonic markings is Mona, with a mischievous glint in her eyes. Chongyun has made his way next to her, crossing his arms with a sigh, and Fischl is busy cooing at her bird.

"Well well well..." Mona's amused, eyes almost twinkling as she gets up from the poor desk that had to suffer the wrath of her ass. "If it isn't Y/N."

Mona is a glorified dick wiper in your books. One time, she partnered up with you in chemistry last year and refused to do any work because apparently her "star sign" said she was incompatible with science. You haven't forgiven her since.

"I need your help." You barely manage to choke out the words, reigning yourself in by clenching your fists instead. It'll be unethical to claw her face, especially since you're the one who's come to her.

"Oh?" She smiles wickedly, revelling in every moment of this no doubt. "Why would the high and mighty Y/N need help from the 'Whoroscope whore'?"

Fischl nearly slips out a laugh, trying with her upmost ability to refrain from rolling all over the floor.

You blink away your tears of almost-laughter, casually sliding in twenty mora across the table dividing you two. If she's a whoroscope whore like you say she is, she'll definitely put it in her bra.

Mona raises a brow, but her eyes linger on the bill for a second too much. "What makes you think I'll do it for money?"

"That's simple," You say, rolling your eyes. "When you see mora, you cling to it like a baby clings to a tit. Now just take it and solve my issues."

She fumes a litany of curses but snatches the money up anyways.

"What do you want?"

You breathe in, then out. "I need a talisman."

Mona raises a brow, hand on her hip. "I'm sorry. Did I get that right?"

How dare she. You will your eye into not twitching, the beginnings of fire thrumming through your veins, scalding hot. How dare she make me repeat myself.

"You know, the thing to fend off evil spirits," Your statement hangs heavy in the air as the cogs in their brains click into place. "I need one that can remove the most evilest thing times ten to the power of twenty five on this planet."

Everyone immediately thinks of Hu Tao.

Chongyun is the first to speak from an area of expertise, seemingly shocked at your words. "Are you sure you want a talisman that powerful? How bad is the evil spirit you've come across?"

You glance out the window, through the semi-open blinds. The apprehension curls in your stomach once you spot Childe chasing Aether with safety scissors, and you've never been more sure of than anything in your life.

Gulping, you turn back to the exorcist. "I'm 110% sure."

He doesn't ask any more questions and goes to fetch the talisman.

Mona clears her throat. "So I hear you have a date with Childe today. Quite the character you've taken to."

"Oh please," You hiss through your teeth, your blood pressure going up tenfold, "you're the one that told him our star signs were intertwined and that we're fated lovers."

She shrugs innocently, stance casual unlike your own that is ready to lunge an attack.

"Here you are," Chongyun hands you a talisman, a colourful mix of some charms, some kind of liquid in a bottle, and about a shitton of other things. "You'll need these if you're going to face the most demonic of all evils."

You think of Childe's stupidly handsome smirk, the playful life of his eyes, and how gentle and considerate he is with you. You think about how cruel he is to others, but how loving he can be to you.

"Oh, I will be."

—

Childe is getting his ass handed to him by Scaramouche on the switch. It's just that he can't seem to focus, not with the forthcoming date all over his mind.

He hasn't experienced these kind of jitters in a long time. Has to endure that foolish smile that's about to plaster all over his face.

Scaramouche may be a son of a bitch with an agenda, but he doesn't appreciate his acquaintances safeguarding their personal crap when it starts to leak onto him. Especially when it comes to video games.

"Okay," The short boy sighs, stretching over the staff room sofa to drop his controller on the cushions. "Let's hear it." He can't even properly enjoy his victories when Childe isn't giving it his all.

"Hear what?" Childe lays his head back, relaxing from all the strain of endless gaming during the lunch hour. He seems too relaxed for someone who's broken into the teacher's lounge.

"Why you're so distracted." Scaramouche points out. "Not that I care—hey! I'm serious here!"

Childe's cracking up for absolutely no reason, rudely cutting him off. "I'm sorry—sorry it's just so hard to take you seriously when you're wearing that stupid fucking hat."

"Don't question the drip." The older moves his head to glare at him, but the thin stripe of silk on his hat swooshes with him, and it's enough to have Childe clutching his stomach in pain as he barks out in laughter.

"Grow the fuck up." Scaramouche says, no doubt exasperated from the constant shit he gets.

"Ok—ok I'm sorry."

There's a knock on the door before Scaramouche gets the chance to intimidate him again.

"Fuck shit fuck who is that? Wasn't there a staff meeting?" Childe whisper yells, panic clear in the ocean of his eyes.

Scaramouche shrugs and downs a can of soda with no care in the world.

Childe would be nonchalant too. If it were a normal day, he wouldn't give two shits about getting caught.

However, he's looking forward to that date he has with you today. Detention is going foil all his lecherous plans.

"It's me." The feminine sound of a threat calls out from the other side. "Open the door." The clicks and clacks of her toes tapping the floor indicating her impatience.

The two sigh in relief, Childe getting up to open the door. It's way too early in the afternoon to deal with this crap.

"Surprised to see me?" Signora greets sweetly, and if not for the murderous glint in her eyes, he would smile back.

"Yeah, I didn't say Bloody Mary three times." The ginger replies, keeping a steady eye on the upperclassman in case she pulls a fast one.

The blonde shoves him aside in offence, and prances in like she owns the goddamn place. Scaramouche greets her with the bird.

"There's this rumour going around—I'm sure you've heard..."

"Oh?" Childe pockets his keys, ready for an attack, not even remotely interested in the topic.

"Something about how Y/N gave Mona a visit today" Signora muses, elegantly taking a seat on the arm of the couch, "with your date and all, I just thought you should know."

"Hah!" Scaramouche bursts out in laughter, tears in the corner of his eyes. "I can't believe she went to get a horoscope reading on how shitty your date's gonna be."

"Get castrated." Childe growls, flipping him off on both hands.

"Now now boys," Signora's lips curl, and she clasps both manicured hands together, prepared to break the fight if it ever reaches its peak. "Settle down. You two are comrades."

"As if I'm comrades with this SIMP!" Scaramouche has to wheeze out the words.

The youngest clenches his fists, unclenches, and then lets a smirk grow. "Oh? I'm the simp? What about that time Mona pantsed you in-front of all the freshmen and you fell in love with her."

Scaramouche glares at him, a glare strong enough to have anyone shaking in their shoes. "I'm attracted at her sheer audacity of trying to fuck I, Scaramouche, the 8th harbinger, over. It takes balls."

"Mad respect." Signora leans forward to place her phone on the coffee table, then approaches Childe. "Moving on, the reason I've decided to bestow my precious intel on you is because I have a favour to ask of you."

"What?" He says blankly, confused that she has a request for him out of all people.

"I need you to let me get you ready for this date of yours." She gives him a gaze that is enough to wither away any arguments.

Childe shares a look with Scaramouche as if to say "am I fucking deaf because I sure as shit didn't just hear that."

"You sure as hell did, boys." Signora intercepts the connection of their two brainwaves with a dreaded sigh. "I hate Y/N. This is the only way I can get back at her."

"Hey!" Childe exclaims loudly, waving his hands in the air incessantly. "What makes you think I'll let you shit on my future girlfriend."

"I'll be doing nothing of the sorts." She points out, giving him a sly smile. "I just know she's terrified of what's coming. The better the date is, the more she's gonna hate herself. What more do I need but to sprinkle some inner conflict within her airtight resolve?"

As favorable as the proposal is, Childe  contemplates for a second. Signora...helping him? This could work to his advantage if he plays his cards right.

His inner turmoil takes him into the future, where you two are happily married with eight and a half kids. If you ever managed to find out Signora was the culprit that was finally able to set you two up, you'd never forgive him.

"Nah I'll take a hard pass." He doesn't want to think about divorce and custody battles this early on. He'd rather face the brunt of Signora's wrath.

Scaramouche chooses right then to make a tactical withdrawal out through the window since he doesn't want to be a witness to a murder he hasn't caused.

Surprisingly— "Fine then." Signora shrugs, unbothered when summoning out a minty juul from no where. She's disappointed nonetheless.

Childe tilts his head, perplexed, but decides against mulling over it for too long. Instead, he strides off to the door, wanting to get the last two periods over with so he can run home and freshen up for this date.

"Oh and Childe?" Signora calls out to him, but he barely acknowledges her, only pausing momentarily without looking back. "A piece of friendly advice. A diligent student like Y/N, there's no way she'd be into rash things like fighting. So try and control yourself, hmm?"

He flashes the senior a sheepish smile, the front row tickets to the illegal underground fight-club burning in the back pocket of his pants.

—

Childe conceals near the bushes by the gate, expertly hiding his shaking hands by pretending to look for something in his back. His goal isn't to seem desperate, even though he's raced out here at the speed of light after Havria's dismissal.

It's not like he's trying to eavesdrop or anything. He just wants a little insight on how you're feeling about this, in case the rumors of you visiting the occult club wasn't a farce.

From his peripheral, he spots you and a familiar figure that is Lisa, leisurely walking side by side as you approach the main side walk.

"Ready for your date, Y/N? You've been daydreaming all afternoon." Lisa winks, and dodges the shove you send her way with experience like no other.

"Yes, daydreaming about punching you in the face." Your left eye twitches in annoyance as you fix your hold on your skateboard.

"Well then, I'll be off—ah!"

The gorilla grip you have on her sleeve takes away all the time she has to get on the last bus she's about to miss.

Your utter strength is enough to make Childe's knees weak. How pathetic he thinks.

"Oh no you don't," You say in a sing-song voice, "you got me into this, so you're going to help."

"Help with what?" Lisa fakes a hard pout as she bats her lashes, trying to collect pity points.

"I—" You inhale, loosening your grip on her and averting your eyes nervously to see if anyone's watching. "Don't make me say it."

The older girl motions for you to continue, and you're sure you've suffered more for less at this point.

"I've never...been on a..." The sentence ends in a trailed murmur.

Childe doesn't think he's ever seen you so flustered. He's about to snap a picture for later, but decides against it. They'll be plenty of moments later on to see your cute expressions.

Lisa's grin is both seductive and terrifying, Childe notices. "You've never been on a date?"

"Shut up!" You hiss, dropping your board so you can cover her lips with your palm, eyes darting around your surroundings frantically. "Not so loud."

He has to bite at his fist to hide his amusement.

As if she has a sixth sense, Lisa's eyes somehow find Childe's through the abundance of leaves, and there's a glint in her eyes that nearly makes him shart his pants.

"Of course Y/N," She replies sweetly to you, who is currently unaware of the staring match going on. "I'll teach you everything you need to know...and more."

Childe doesn't know if that's a good or bad thing. Nor does he want to find out.

—

You ponder on what's taking him so long, more on edge than you usually are. Thankfully, Lisa basically pried your hair down from its usual up-do. Said something about how you can hide your lack of shits given as to not offend him.

Except you think you're giving more shits that you expected to. Why else would your heart be pounding so hard?

"What took you so long?" You sense him creeping up on you, ceasing his chance to pounce.

Childe groans playfully and slaps a hand over his face as he comes into view. "How'd you know?"

"You have a douche-styled gait." You reply as you remove your gaze off your phone to approach him.

He's prepared to shoot a witty reply, but it dies halfway through his throat when he procures a good look at you. Your hair frames your face elegantly, eyes shining despite the tiredness that's so clear, all complete with a cooling spring dress that hugs you just right.

Mouth going dry, he forgets how to speak the common tongue, unable to tear his gaze off your form.

You shift in place awkwardly. "Uh are you okay? Looking a little...blank."

"Sorry—sorry just thinking." Childe stumbles over his words like the complete idiot and a half he is, berating himself countlessly on the inside. He regains his confidence once he spots the light dust on your cheeks. "You ready for the best date ever?"

"The best date huh?" It's the first time you smile today, and he swears his heart leaps in his rib cage. You're the prettiest thing he's ever laid his eyes on. "I'm ready. I better not be disappointed."

"I wouldn't dare disappoint, girlie." He feigns mock offence as dramatically as possible. "I'll show you how to have some real fun. Cool keychain by the way, for good luck?"

It's one of the charms Chongyun urged you to carry with you at all times to keep all forms of evil away.

"Yeah...something like that."

The two of you ease into the walk in a relatively comfortable fashion, contributing with lively chatter and a few jabs here and there. It's not awkward at all, not like you thought it would be. Your nerves loosen up, mind diverting from the roots of the stress of high school.

"—And you won't believe what Kaeya did the other day. I'm telling you there's something wrong with him because that SoundCloud rapper wannabe Venti goaded him into birdboxing through the hallways at lunch."

"And the son of a bitch did it?"

"The son of a bitch did it." Childe confirmed, gasping through his laughs as the two of you converse in psychobabble. "And guess who he bumped into?"

You're choking in laughter, tears in your eyes as you hunch over and shake. "He didn't. Childe—no he didn't."

"Straightttt into Diluc. And he had the balls to feel him up because he thought he bumped into a hot bab—"

Childe crashes into a sturdy chest and stumbles backwards towards you, but manages to catch his balance midway. Both of you freeze when faced with a buff guy from another school, bandages on his fist and a crooked smirk on his face.

Fuck. You think. Classic high school cliché.

Realizing he can't risk the remainder of this date when it hasn't even begun, Childe raises a hand in apology, aiming to be the bigger person instead of socking the kid in the face.

"Sorry. I wasn't looking." He offers to the guy, but you can tell he isn't buying any of it. There are about four more kids who group, a setup that isn't going to end in your favour.

"Hey punk. You don't remember me?" The upperclassmen barks out, glaring holes into your date.

You deadpan towards Childe, but he's too is racking his brain to remember. Ends up shrugging with no recollection.

"I have a list of names but they're in my other pants." Shit, what an a-grade reply. Now you know you're done for. "Listen dude, I'm kind of on a date and the vibe is going great. Don't ruin it."

"It's a good thing she's here to watch then!" The guy yells, stomping so that he's right in-front of Childe, ready to pounce. "You humiliated me in front of my gang last week. I'm here to rip you a new one."

Childe blinks, tries to remember, and when he doesn't, he grabs a wad full of cash from the his Fanny pack and throws it at the guy's feet.

Everyone's eyes bulge out of their sockets, including yours at the amount of money placed there casually on the crack of the dirty sidewalk.

"Hopefully this is enough for the damages." Childe offers, aiming to not further escalate the situation albeit how pissed he is right now. If you weren't here...well that would be another, much more violent story.

With a soft tug, Childe brings you close and begins to pass the guy, until he's abruptly stopped by a hand gripping his shoulder tightly.

"I don't think so!" The guys barks, and his lackeys move to surround you two. "You gotta pay taxes too buddy." Oh he's getting way too comfortable now.

A feral smile grows on Childe's face as he looks over his shoulder. "Oh?"

"Yeah shithead." The guy seethes, puffing out his chest to size him up.

Childe itches for a fight. He can no longer keep in the urge and is just about ready to raise a heavy fist, but is beaten by the sound of a loud thwack, and then a painful groan following.

There you are, standing in front of the trembling asshole, spinning your crossbody bag in circles like it's a nunchuck in all it's glory. There's a deadly glint in your eyes, pure, unadulterated vexation in your features.

If Childe could fall for you any harder, it's probably happening now. In that exact moment, his heart beats in his ears uncontrollably, and there's nothing but raw adoration that piles up all at once.

You're an angel of destruction, a force not to be reckoned with, and shit, you're the eye of the fucking storm.

Fire courses through your veins as you pulverize the guy with your bag, swinging with such expertise it has Childe in awe. "He may be an absolute idiot for not remembering—"

"Hey girlie you're killing me here!" Your date snaps out of his astonishment temporarily.

"—but you don't get to call him a shithead, you asshole!" You snarl angrily, gripping the handle of your bag tightly, decking everyone that lunges at you, letting out strings of curses with every hit. Every hit sends a flock of them either stumbling back in pain, or knocked out completely.

Childe doesn't even get a chance to lift a finger by the time you're done violating them with your heavy ass pink bag. Stands there like an absolute loser.

"Apologize." You pant, prepared to send another flurry of attacks at the leader, who is crawling away with a battered face. "Apologize or I'll—I'll fucking Russian neck tie your ass."

"S-sorry!" The guy whimpers out and tries not to piss his pants at the threat.

Childe is still in too much shock at the whole ordeal to reply, short circuiting.

Another thirty seconds pass until he registers the smaller hand waving in front of his face. He catches your cold hand through his haze, brings it closer.

Running a free hand through his locks, he doesn't hide his astonishment. "You're fucking gorgeous, girlie." He whistles lowly, eyeing you with a new kind of regard.

"I-I uh." Your face is all shades of red by now, the adrenaline from kicking ass wearing down. "Let's go."

"How is that bag so heavy?" One of the fallen gasps out in pain, clutching his ribs as he trembles on the floor. "Like a buh-brick."

A part of your zipper in open, and Childe briefly peeks out of morbid curiosity. His jaw slackens. "Is that a...no, it can't be."

"It's a brick." You murmur guiltily, gnawing at your bottom lip. "Just in case." Fingers tentatively play with the straps.

Childe is head over heels by now, all smitten as a foreign warmth bubbles up in his throat, and he's just about sure he'll puke his heart out.

His next words are picked out carefully. "There's an underground fight club going on—"

You lock and aim for his right kidney.

Worth a try, Childe thinks.

"SIKE. Joking—joking. Just a joke." He insists, gloved hands raised by his ears in defence.

Clicking your tongue, you scowl and rush past him.

It hasn't even been an hour and it's been the most exciting date Childe's ever experienced. When he sees your lips twitch, he knows it's the same for you as well.

"Are we going or not?" You mumble, avoiding eye contact, a tinge of red still decorating your cheeks.

Childe crumbles into his hands at your deadly duality. One that comes for his enemies and one that comes straight for his heart.

[sidespart]

For the fic title thing: Make Up Your Mind/Catch Me I’m Falling

Make Up Your Mind (this seriously got away from me and became basically a whole string of conscious fic whoops)

Logince, Bakery/coffeeshop AU Mutual Pining/ Not-Actually-Unrequited love, + loceit friendship

So Janus owns a Bakery (struggling to think of a snake/lie based bread pun for the name but ehh). He is the head only baker and sends most of his time in the basement kitchen blasting the phantom of the opera soundtrack and kneading dough. 

Logan is his childhood friend. Janus hired him as cashier after Logan dropped out of collage but then he never left and is now basically manager/ accountant/ hbic of this whole operation.

So one night as Janus is leaving he’s casually like: ‘oh by the way, a couple are coming by tomorrow for a wedding cake consultation’

And Logan blocks the door and is like: ‘Janus. We don’t do wedding cakes. We don’t even do cake. You only make weird artisanal bread. it took me 6 months and 8 powerpoint presentations to convince you to sell banana loaf’

Jan, his eye enormous: ‘but Logan, you should have heard this guy on the phone. They only want to use LGBTQ businesses for their wedding, they want to support the community that’s supported them for so long. He spoke so passionately and eloquently about why it just had to be us I couldn't say no’

Logan, his eyes not enormous: did you tell this man we make wedding cakes just to make the phone conversation end?

Janus: I was going to miss the murder, she wrote marathon, Logan 

So Jan manages to escape, and Logan rolls his eyes but like. This is nowhere near the worst ‘cleaning up after Janus lied to get out of a situation and made everything more complicated for no goddamm reason’ incident that he has had to deal with during the course of their friendship so, whatever: he can tell the couple there was a miscommunication when they show up in the morning. 

Next day, the guys arrive. Virgil, who barley introduces himself and then stays hunched in his hoodie not speaking for the whole meeting, and Roman. 

Roman does not have a problem speaking. Roman has lots of ideas.

Roman has a binder. 

Somehow in the course of this conversation Logan goes from ‘we don’t make wedding cakes’ to ‘I’LL SHOW YOU, WE’LL MAKE THE BEST GODDAMM WEDDING CAKE THIS TOWN HAS EVER SEEN’

Maybe it was the passion of Romans argument. Maybe it was the slightly disdainful look on his face when he looked round the shop. Maybe it was the ridiculous amount of money he was prepared to pay (see: Janus insists on only making specific, weird bread as to why the shop’s always on the brink of collapse). Maybe it was the power of the binder (Logan is like 80% sure Roman hit him with the binder at one point). Maybe its just Logan hasn't had a full blown passionate argument like that since high school debate club and the rush of adrenaline made him dumb.

Whatever the reason - they’re now fully committed to making this 6 tier, purple and blue, Disney inspired, multiflavoured wedding cake

(Janus, who skipped out on the meeting because he is Like That: But Logan....we don’t make wedding cakes...this was really irresponsible of you...

 Logan: I know where you sleep. I could kill you at any time) 

Which would be doable (the weddings a while off, and Logan is ready to RESEARCH) except Roman keeps. Coming. Back. 

With new ideas. And tweaks. And suggestions. All of them seemingly designed to make the cake less structurally sound. 

Basically every time he comes in they end up having a blazing row, first about Romans inability to make up his mind about the cake and then about...literally everything. One time they spent 25 minuets arguing about whether or not Shakespeare wrote all of his plays, which somehow turns into ‘who was the best host of blues clues?’ which then turned  into ‘how would nationalised healthcare best be implemented?’ (the loudest arguments were during the blues clues section).Logan had even fewer customers then normal that day.

(Logan: I hate that guy so much! He shows up at 2pm every day and now my blood pressure has started going up at 1.55pm in anticipation of the fight! He’s causing me actual medical distress because he’s so stupid!

Janus:...you’ve memorised some guys schedule and your heart starts racing whenever you see him?

Logan: yes! because he is my enemy!

Janus:...

Janus: mmKay.)

ANYway, one day Roman turns up and is like: Can’t fight today. Need caffeine. Must Study. and sequesters himself on one of their two rinky dink tables and starts pulling enormous textbooks out of his bag. Turns out Roman is in law school, he’s back home for the whole summer to help with wedding prep and has been neglecting his summer reading. He wants to be an environmental lawyer and, ideally, singly handily prosecute every oil company and give a speech at the UN whilst wearing an immaculately fitted Italian suit. 

Logan has a panicked moment of OH NO HE’S SMART (he doesn't need an oh no he’s hot moment because Roman’s been hot the whole time). Very carefully he does not think about how upset hearing Roman mention the wedding again made him feel, and then shares a bit about his own anxiety during college which led to him dropping out.

Roman says degree or no degree its obvious Logan is one of the smartest, most capable people Romans ever met.

Cue: blushing, stammering, Logan standing up to quickly and knocking half a pot of coffee over etc etc all that good fluff. 

And after that their conversations are less confrontational (although they still debate like. everything.) and more friendly.

They have one (1) more conversation about the wedding wherein Roman apologises for being so stressed and snappy over all the preparation stuff but he just wants everything to be perfect for Virgil. (Logan, awkwardly: you must love him a lot. Roman, himbo-ly: Yeah!) aaand then Logan changes the subject to the best rhyming structure because Romans big sappy grin is making his heart do awful twisty things-

And eventually, Roman asks Logan to go out with him outside the bakery.

Logan: hahaha this is friendship, we are great friends, we are going out as friends. I am not going on a date with a man with a fiancé because that would be the actions of a crazy person.

 So they go on their date. It’s amazing. Roman leans in for a kiss at the end and Logan is delighted!

And then devastated.

He pushes Roman away, yells some creative insult (malodorous centurion?) and flees. Spends the next week basically hiding in the kitchen area, refusing to see any customers and working on the wedding cake.

(which is looking perfect by the way)

So after a week of Logan moping round the kitchen Janus finally blocks the door to stop him leaving and demand he tells him what the hell is wrong. And after a few minuets of filibustering Logan ends up telling him everything.

“In any case, the very fact that he is the kind of man who would cheat on his fiancé means he’s not the kind of man I thought he was. Therefore any alleged feelings I may have developed towards him would now be null and void” says Logan, looking like the worlds sadist accountant

Janus: So...wait. You’re saying wedding cake guy and hot lawyer guy are the same person?

(Logan: you need to come out of the basement more often Janus: YOU need to tell me what’s going on in your life more often. (they have had this conversation many times in the past))

So Janus sincerely tells Logan he’s sorry...and that he’s even more sorry that he needs him to help him deliver the cake to the venue tomorrow.

(this thing is way to big for one person to carry and there’s no way Jan would trust any of their occasional teenage cover staff to do this and ‘we’ll go round the back and you wont have to see anyone anyway comon Lo’ you basically built this monstrosity you should see it home)

So, reluctantly, Logan goes. And they go round the back as promised, and get this enormous cake settled, and then get told to wait there one sec cus one of the grooms is going to come sign for it and before Logan can throw himself out of the widow (get OFF me Janus we’re on the ground floor it’s FINE)  from behind them they hear squeeing.

There’s a curly haired dude in a pastel blue linen suit who Logan has never seen before in his life looking at the cake and cooing over ‘all the little details! its perfect! oh Virgil is going to love this! You know he was so embarrassed about asking for a Disney themed cake he had to ask Roman to go with him to -”

“Who ARE you?”

The man blinked at Logan, who realised dimly that he still had one foot up on the windowsill and slowly returned it to the floor. 

“I’m Patton” said Patton.

“And I’m Janus” said Janus, removing his arms from where they’d still been clamped around Logan’s waist and stepping smoothly towards Patton, clipboard held aloft “A pleasure to meet you, if you could just sign here...”

“BUT-” Patton paused, hand still raised to accept the clipboard, and looked over again at Logan who found himself mumbling:  “but - but the groom is supposed to sign for it?”

And Patton just smiled at him looking a bit bemused and goes ‘I am the groom? And who are you kiddo?”

Logan says he’s Logan. Patton suddenly looks a whole lot less friendly. 

“Oh.” says Patton. “You.”

And since Logan’s mind is currently refusing to take in the information in front of him Janus is the one who ends up stepping in between them and going “so just for 100% transparency - you are Patton. 

“yes?”

“and today you are marrying the love of your life: Virgil?”

“Yes!”

“And are either of you, at any point today, also planning on marrying one Roman Sanders, caffeine addict and terrible communicator?”

And Paton burst out laughing and says “ROMAN? Virgil’s big brother Roman? He’s my best man but I don’t think we’re planning to take it any further...”. And because Patton is apparently much quicker on the emotional uptake than Logan he gives him a vey soft, if slightly exasperated, look and says:

“Roman - who again, is my future brother-in-law- is helping set up in the main hall.”

And Logan likes to think he said thank you before he took off fucking RUNNING through the building but he can’t be sure.

So he gets to the hall, where a load of people are setting out chairs, putting up flowers etc,  and skids to a stop at one end of the aisle. Shouts: “ROMAN.” (Roman and Virgil, who were standing at the other end arguing over a flower arrangements, both look up) “YOU’RE NOT MARRYING YOUR BROTHER.”

“um.” Says Roman “No?”

Explanations are given. Virgil, who is a lot more talkative now that he’s not on 7th wedding appointment of the day burn out, is ready to physically fight Logan for breaking his brothers heart. And then once he understands the full story is ready to kill both of them for being such dumbasses.

Roman: But I s2g I told the guy on the phone that it was the groom and best man coming??? Logan: Yeah he might have lied and said you were a couple for a joke, or he may have just straight up not listened to you. Either way, he is just Like That.

Logan: WHY DID YOU NEVER MENTION VIRGIL WAS YOUR BORTHER?? Roman: I WAS TRYING TO GET TO KNOW YOU AND ALSO SEDUCE YOU WHY WOULD I WASTE TIME TALKING ABOUT MY LITTLE BROTHER??? Virgil: Yeah...he does like talking about himself, sorry he’s just  Like That.

Anyway it all ends fluffily, Patton and Virgil get married. Roman cries. Logan and Jan hang around for the wedding. Roman and Logan hold hands throughout the speeches and dance during the reception. Roman has to go back to law school soon but they agree to call each other every day at 2pm to catch up and argue. 

Janus gets off with the moustachioed DJ. 

And Roman and Logan get another chance at their first kiss.

[ravnicaforgoblins]

Ravnica for Goblins

The Azorius Senate

History: Founded by Azor I, the Sphinx responsible for writing a majority of the original Guildpact, the Azorius Senate had a big part in organizing Ravnica’s government and maintain it to this day. Theirs is the most complete history, as its members are scrupulous about keeping records. Recording and preserving history is a core tenet of the Azorius Senate, not just for themselves, but for all of Ravnica. As a result, if you need to find a book or a piece of information about the past, the Azorius should have it. Criminal records, personnel files, building blueprints, personal histories; it’s all here. It’s just a matter of getting to it.

Organization: More than any other Guild, the Azorius Senate is meticulously organized. Its three Columns are represented on the Guild’s symbol:

The Sova Column (judges, arbitrators, legal aides, librarians, lawyers, etc) are in charge of making rulings in legal disputes. They decide what’s legal, what isn’t legal, and provide mediation for tough calls. Their word is final and carries serious weight.

The Jelenn Column (scribes, elocuters, notaries, lawmakers, legislators, researchers, messengers, etc) write the laws. Every member dreams of one day adding a new law they’ve written to the Guildpact. Their knowledge of Ravnica’s laws is second to none.

The Lyev Column (lawmages, hieromancers, arrestors, nullmages, investigators, enforcers, soldiers, etc) uphold the laws. They patrol streets, issuing warnings, carrying out warrants, making arrests, and function as eyes & ears on the streets. They are equipped for the job of detaining, pacifying, or incapacitating lawbreakers from any Guild.

Alignment Spectrum: Azorius are lawful if nothing else. The Guildpact is the single most powerful magic on the plane of Ravnica and the Azorius’ knowledge of it is unmatched by that of any other Guild. Laws are literally the source of their power, so having any other alignment can be a serious hindrance to an Azorius member. Ideally, the Azorius are Lawful Neutral, concerned with enforcing the laws as written, with no favoritism for anyone. Lawful Good are those who want to use the law to make life better for others because they believe in it. Hero cops, basically. Lawful Evil are those who use the law to their own means. Dirty cops, basically. Thing is, as long as an Azorius has the law on their side, their Guild will back them up. There may be repercussions, however.

Signature Elements: Since Guildpact magic is as powerful as it is, Azorius don’t have many other requirements besides a strong commitment to carrying it out. Azroius is largely populated by humans, as well as a good number of Vedalken, and their fair share of Giants. Being primarily booksmart, Azorius are very likely to have high Intelligence. They wear white & blue uniforms based on their rank & position, have notebooks & writing implements on them at all times, ride horses or griffins, and standard issue armor & weapons for those out on the streets. Azorius magic is law magic and typically takes the form of runes, symbols, floating letters, and glowing bonds/chains. It is firm & iron-clad, but always more focused on detainment than injury. That said, a 4′11″ Azorius can stop a rampaging 25ft tall Simic Krasis with a word and a piece of paper. That’s not just metaphor, I literally mean a piece of paper and clear annunciation can have that much magical power. Combat-wise, Azorius prefer weaponry that discourages unlawful behavior, such as spears, shields, and hammers. It only hurts if you insist on fighting. Magically, Azorius prefer to nullify threats with spells like Command, Hold Person, and especially Counterspell. Take away a mage’s spells and they might as well be a normal civilian.

Your Role in Ravnica: Patrol the streets, research the Guildpact, follow your orders, and above all, maintain order. That last one is the single most important aspect of being an Azorius, but it doesn’t have to be as constricting as it sounds. “Order” in Ravnica has a different meaning than it does on other planes. If a Rakdos troupe is putting on a disturbing knife display involving blood magic at one of their venues, your job is not to stop the show. Your job is to make sure it doesn’t get out of control and spill out into the streets. The status quo is balance, not utopia. If a Guild is building up an army, your job is surveillance, if a Guild is overstepping their boundaries, your job is to put them back in their place. If a threat to the city or its inhabitants emerges, your job is to neutralize it.

Your Territory: Within the Tenth District, the Azorius are most heavily focused in the 1st, 2nd, and 5th Districts. 1st District, being central within the city and home of the Guildpact, is patrolled most regularly. 2nd District, being the site of the Azorius Guildhall New Prahv, has the highest concentration of Azorius in the entire city. Not just patrols, but living quarters, barracks, airship stations, stables, legal offices, as well as prison compounds. It is among the most heavily guarded & fortified structures on the plane. The 5th District contains Prism University, Ravnica’s most highly esteemed educational college, as well as the Ismeri Library, the largest collection of knowledge & information in the city. While not strictly Azorius, the Library is generally filled with lawmages, researchers, students, and bibliophiles, all commonplace amongst the Senate.

Your Guildhall: New Prahv is the single largest building in Ravnica. A trifecta of titanic pillars towers atop a fortress prison nearly a mile wide and a thousand feet tall. It is an impenetrable reminder of the Azorius’ presence within the city. It’s not particularly subtle, but that’s very much the point. Azorius might be annoying out on the streets, but here they are absolute.

Your Guildmaster: The Azorius Senate has been through many Guildmasters, some longer than others. Like many real governments, most of the Guildmasters have been elected to the position based on legal merit/standing as opposed to physical strength. Most have been human (Konstantin I-II, Leonos I-II, Lucian I-III, Augustin I-IV, Lavinia I), with one Vedalken (Dovin Baan) and a couple of Sphinx (Azor I and Isperia). Their role is to issue final judgements, much like a supreme court judge, as well as to oversee the operations of every branch of the Senate. It is exceedingly rare for them to leave their posts, and almost unthinkable to see them out on the streets or in a fight.

Why You’re Awesome: Azorius know a lot. Not just about their own Guild, but about every Guild. To them, knowing literally is half the battle. The Azorius Senate are that one kid in class who actually reads the textbook and raises the collective average of the rest of the class by at least one letter grade. Not only that, but you have one of the largest & most impressive arsenals on the plane backing you up. Your job is to maintain order in a city with Psycho Murder Clowns, make no mistake, Azorius are built to hold fast against any threat, no matter how big. Paladins, Clerics, Wizards, Bards, Airships, Giants, and Griffins. Azorius are best equipped for dealing with threats that rely on only their strongest skill. Thugs, berserkers, raiders, beasts, etc who can excel at physical combat but dump Intelligence or Wisdom stats. Wizards and Sorcerers with massive repertoires of spells at their disposal but no backup plan for having every spell countered or nullified. Seeing the expressions on these individuals’ faces when they realize they don’t have a contingency for such situations is priceless.

Why You’re Problematic: To call the Azorius unpopular is a bit of an understatement. The general consensus about them among the other Guilds ranges from pity to annoyance to outright hatred. The Azorius are unyielding and non-negotiable, and read way too many gods-damn books. There’s also the matter of Ravnica’s own legal system being your greatest weapon as well as your greatest hindrance. Part of your job is to record all crimes you see, jaywalking through illegal detonation of a Purple Wurm, and there are utter mountains of paperwork attached to report. In addition, your Guild moves at what could generously be called a snail’s pace, requiring any major changes or decisions to go all the way up the ladder before any action is made. Worse, many of the other Guilds know this, and have learned how to subvert and dodge legal ramifications over the millennia. Orzhov specialize in finding creative loopholes in specific laws, whereas your job is more of a broad understanding of them. Last, but almost certainly not least, the Azorius Senate strives to be the pinnacle of law & order within the city, but the system is far from perfect. Mistakes are made, and the consequences can be alarming. Azorius strive towards a Greater Good mindset, and some of their actions in pursuit of this have been downright unforgivable.

Myths: You're boring.

You have a stick up your ass that could crack an Orc skull.

Laws are stupid and you’re stupid for following them.

You are required to be a Rules Lawyer.

You can’t do anything in a real fight.

You have to play a high Intelligence character.

No one likes you.

Reality: You’re dependable.

They’ll thank you for keeping notes someday.

Law Magic is the strongest on this plane, only a few Guilds actually learn it.

Lawmages specialize in rules, Arresters specialize in enforcement.

Your warhammer isn’t for show.

You only have to be smart enough to know who you can hit and who you can’t.

You didn’t join this Guild to be popular.

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with MustangSally

MustangSally has 33 stories at Gossamer. Even if you haven’t read it, you’ve probably heard of at least one of them, Iolokus, since it’s an X-Files fanfic classic. All her fics hit big and are well worth your time. I’ve recced some of my favorites here before, including And Dance by the Light of the Moon, All the Children are Insane, and Iolokus. Big thanks to MustangSally for doing this interview.

What's the story behind your pen name?

I could tell you but then I would have to kill you.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

Yes and no. Yes, because life has moved on since the early nineties and the characters and the fans are in vastly different places now. Our current tech would make the premise of the X-Files impossible. No, because of the longevity of some of the Star Trek TOS work (there’s an archive of hard copy fanzines at the University of Iowa). Top-drawer authors started out in TOS fandom.

I’m just greatly saddened that my physical body is showing wear and tear while the fic doesn’t. Fic gets to stay smooth-skinned and muscular, captured at the peak of perfection.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

At the risk of sounding atrociously trite, I think of the friends I made.  I met some very remarkable women that I’ve been able to stay friends with online for over twenty-five years.  We may have moved to Facebook and post entirely too much about our pets and which of our body parts has sagged this week, but we’re friends.  It’s a furiously funny, feminist, and well-educated group of women with jobs in the highest levels of academia, finance, communications, and media.  I’m amused by the fact that if I have a question about how a virus replicates, I can ask a PhD I’ve been drunk with in Las Vegas.

Back in the day, I had a job that sent me traveling around major cities in the US and UK. I could post on a message board and within ten minutes there were people I could go out for dinner and drinks with. We already knew we had something we could talk about for at least a couple of hours. Additionally, most of these people were women so there was an added level of security. Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

Well, it was mostly atxc and the Yahoo! groups mailing lists that spiraled out into Geocities sites and, eventually, LiveJournal. The amusing thing is that getting in on the ground floor of social media and the Internet has helped me get jobs!  When I look at a new piece of software, I think, ‘this is hella easier than uploading to Geocities.’  We had to walk uphill both ways, in the snow, on dial-up, fighting off dinosaurs with our AOL CDs while writing HTML code. What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

DO NOT FEED THE TROLLS.

The past four years in politics have basically been the ugliest online kerfuffle the world has ever seen. I survived the Shipper Wars of ’96 and I thought those were brutal, but that was NOTHING. The only way to win an argument online is to not have the argument at all. Arguing with a troll is like mudwrestling a pig: You both get filthy and only the pig is happy.

Also, READ THE FUCKING TERMS OF SERVICE.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

I had the most terrible straight-girl crush on Scully. I wanted to be her best friend, I wanted to BE her.  I wanted to order Chinese food and paint each other’s nails and talk about bones.  Scully and Princess Leia and I could all just hang out poolside with hot and cold running waiters and poolboys, drink margaritas, and bitch about how unfair it all was – if the stupid men would just get OUT OF THE WAY AND LET US DO OUR JOBS, the world would be so much better. What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

This question is really about Iolokus, isn’t it?  You can’t fool me. [Lilydale note: I can neither confirm nor deny the motivation for this question, but I cannot complain about the answer.]

Simply put, I was enraged. The moment it was revealed that Scully’s ova had been used in experimentation, I lost my feminist mind. It was the most obscene defilement imaginable.  Scully wasn’t nearly as angry as I was.  What I thought needed to happen was for Scully to become a fiery force of vengeance against the MEN who had done this to her.  Clearly, I was not going to get that level of satisfaction from the show, as I was imagining Kali-like carnage on a global scale. I emailed RivkaT (whom I did not know well at that point) with a proposition that we work together. Strangely enough, we didn’t meet face to face until we were well into the project, but we did talk on the phone quite a bit. The rules were simple – everyone had to be punished in truly horrific ways, and at some point, we had to see if we could write a car chase (only because that seemed impossible).  Then it basically turned into a very twisted game of chicken to see who could be the most outrageous in terms of killing people off or writing really horrific things that fit within the structure of the narrative.  I did, in the end, write the car chase, but RivkaT one-upped me by throwing in a helicopter (a FOX News helicopter, at that).  

Really, RivkaT?  A helicopter? What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom? I am terribly proud of what I wrote, pleased that it brought pain and pleasure in equal amount to people, and, again, thrilled by the people I became friends with. I admit that I stopped watching the show when Scully announced her pregnancy.  I could only see a long jump over a shark tank for the rest of the series. I haven’t watched the new episodes, either.  It is complete in my mind and doesn’t need to be continued.  I wouldn’t say no to having a reunion with some of my fic friends, although we’re still chatting online like everyone does.   Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

Rivka and I wrote in the Buffy fandom for a few years, but then we moved on to real adult jobs that left absolutely no time for me to write. I’m in education, and I regularly sweat blood for fear that someone is going to find my old fic. The Buffy people were fun; there was a certain *shininess* to them that I really enjoyed. The X-men authors were just batshit and delightful, and some amazing stuff came out of Marvel fandom, particularly in the Thor/Loki and Steve/Bucky subgenres. I’ve learned to appreciate a good coffee shop AU and one famous Erik/Charles fic where all the main characters are crabs. Seriously, crabs—it’s hysterical. [Lilydale note: Other Crabs Cannot Be Trusted by groovyphilia currently has almost 2,500 kudos at AO3.]

Every few years, I’ll have a student try to explain to me what fandom is and I just smirk. Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully? No. Not really. Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom? I fell into an X-Men hole a few years back and had a great old time wallowing in the Cherik muck, and there was a flirtation with BBC Sherlock as well. Strangely enough, I became interested in A/B/O fics only because of what they were saying about the role of women in our society. The limitations on the male omegas seem absurd and then you realize those are the same limitations put on women all. the. time.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

RivkaT very nicely formatted everything and put it up on AO3. What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

I will always be stupidly proud of how shocked and horrified people were by Iolokus. The truth of the matter is that Iolokus has Greek drama at its core. Scully is Medea, and the entire story is lousy with “blood on the threshing floor” and Dionysian rites. The everyday is subverted into horror, and wives and daughters will tear men limb from limb like the Maenads. Since I was ultimately disappointed with what Chris Carter did with the entire show, that approach seemed appropriate.

At a certain level, all fic is corrective fic.  Like critic Anne Jamison said, “Irritated fans produce fanfic like irritated oysters produce pearls.”  And because fic has fallen so much into women’s sphere, a pure form of correction is not just the death of the author but the MURDER, a new creation springing up from the spilled blood like Cadmus sowing dragon’s teeth.

Okay, that’s a bit much. Maybe I should just take myself back to the isle of Goth Amazons or something. Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

I had to write a self-evaluation and a reflection on pedagogy today. If that’s not fiction, I don’t know what the fuck is.

All my creativity is caught up in trying to pretend to be a normal middle-aged white woman so no one knows I am really a lizard.

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

Keep writing, keep reading, keep fighting the commercialization of narratives. As things grow more and more commodified, all our dreams and desires reduced to tchotchkes made in China, it’s a revolutionary act to separate your work from the marketplace. Be bold, take chances, turn the trope on its ear and kick it in the ass. Take everything the creators have done to make a work palatable to the unwashed masses and set it on fire.

Be subversive.

Be mean.

Have a great fucking time.

(Posted by Lilydale on March 2, 2021)